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Today's show was over around 11:40am.
Today's show was over around 12:15pm.
Howard and the guys were back live after their Christmas vacation. Howard started the show talking about how they had a meeting saying this is a special show because they're not really there. He said most people aren't aware they're back.
Howard said he called some people New Years eve. He said he and his wife decided to do that because they were home not doing anything. He said that it was a nice thing to do. He said one guy they called was crying a bit. He said he was sad and in a bad place so they made him feel good. He said that he put a note up on Twitter and said send out your phone number to Beth's Twitter. He said they picked some numbers to call. He said that he asked Beth if it was weird for people to do that and they didn't seem to mind. He said that they called Mariann from Brooklyn but there was no answer. He picked up on Mariann who said she didn't want to bother them. Howard said they called her number. Mariann said she was home. She said that she tweeted out so the fans would get the chance.
Howard said Mariann went right to voicemail. Mariann said she was home and sitting there like a loser. She said she has to check to see if it was her number. She said she was right next to her phone. She asked how she can be a loser again. Mariann said wait until you see her Christmas card. She said fuck Les Moonves for 2019. Howard hung up on her.
Howard said Les is a bad ass wolf. He said this guy tried to sue him. He said he was reading in the paper today that he's saying he's going to have a good life. He said he's out on David Geffen's yacht. He said this guy isn't disgraced at all apparently. He said that he's hanging with the head of NBC and David Geffen. Robin said it must be alright for them to do this stuff. Howard said a lot of these guys are friends with Les. Robin said he's probably helped a lot of careers. She asked if you still socialize with the guy. Howard said he's on a party yacht with Geffen. Robin asked if you don't say anything.
Howard said he didn't leave his house for the whole vacation. He said he was in his house for the last 10 days of the vacation. He said he's perfect for scandal. He said you can't find Matt Lauer or Harvey Weinstein. He said he was in his house. He said he didn't leave his house and he's so happy. He said they took walks and stuff. He said that Beth beats him to bed. He said he's married to the right woman.
Robin asked what time they were making the phone calls. He said it was from like 7:30 to 8:30. He said he's getting more and more reclusive and more and more tired. He said he's just getting older. He said that must be what it's like. He said he went to his apartment after the house and he peeks out the mail slot a couple of times a day. He said they went out to get pizza and he had to wait 10 minutes and he wasn't that comfortable waiting. He said he was okay watching people though.
Howard said they have the greatest pizza place. He said their rent must be ridiculous. He said that they have the best pizza for 18 bucks. Robin said she was reading about how rent went from 400 bucks to $33,000 a month. Howard said Beth gets annoyed with him for saying the same thing over and over asking how this guy makes money. He said he has like 5 people there and the pizza is 17 bucks. He asked if he can own this place. He said it's the size of their bathroom. He said he's asking over and over and Beth gets annoyed.
Gary said that Sal has a theory that they make their money on other stuff. Howard said the cost of making the pizza and all of the rent and taxes and the salary for the employees is there. He said he had 2 delivery guys too. He said this guy is an artist. He said he was going to compliment this guy. He said that he told him he was a master at making pizza. He said the guy barely spoke English. He said the guy wished him a happy new year.
Howard said this guy wasn't Italian. He said he was really short too. He said he's not sure if he's a midget or whatever the right word for that is. He said he towers over them. Robin said the cut off is apparently 4'10'' tall. Howard did his Herve Villechaize impression for a second.
Howard said he sat home painting over vacation. He said he was painting one tiny painting to prep for a bigger one. He said this is a tiny part of a bigger painting. He said it took him 4 days to do this. Robin asked if he's mixing paints. He said he is. He said he sometimes paints in his underwear. He said Beth will ask him to put pants on. He said the joy of being married to him must be wearing off.
Howard said he has a drafting table he uses to paint on. He said he has it in his office. Robin was asking about all of this. Howard said he calls it his studio. He said this is what he did his whole vacation.
Howard said he did this small painting that's supposed to be a throw away. He said he still has to do the big one. He said then he has to draw that and paint that. Robin asked how you decide which is the better painting. Howard said he does a bunch of small ones and then does the big one. He said he does it about 20 by 30. He said he's a painter now. He said it does kill time. He said that's why guys watch baseball and football. He said the days are too long. He said you have to do something with your time. He said then you're dying and you realize you spent it all wrong. He said you figure out that it was too much time doing that stuff.
Howard said he did have romance with his wife. He said Beth wanted to watch some romantic movies. He said they watched ''Crazy Rich Asians'' and it was great. Robin said she told him it was great. She said she doesn't like romantic comedies but this was great. Howard said they loved it too. He said he goes and reads the reviews for movies he likes and they get bad reviews. He said he liked this movie that this guy from This is Us wrote. He said it's called This is Life or Life is Us. JD said it's ''Life Itself.'' Howard said that's it. Robin said that was up on her Amazon Fire TV every time she turned it on. Howard said the critics hated it but it's perfect. He said it was a great cast and great story. He said he loved it. Robin said he's not the best person when it comes to picking movies.
Howard said he liked ''A Star is Born'' a lot but that's not out yet (on DVD). He said that he and Robin saw a preview of that movie. He said Bradley Cooper went to see it early on. He said he and Robin went to this special screening and they had comment cards. He said he really liked it. He said he loved that movie. He said Robin was scribbling away. Robin said she went over and talked to Bradley personally. Howard said of course she did. He said she had that little pencil she was writing with.
Howard said he got to see some previews of Bradley singing and he told him he should go out on tour with Lady Gaga. He said he was really good.
Howard said he got this article of the top 5 romantic comedy movies. He said they watched ''Love, Simon'' and that was good. He said that it was about a guy who was popular in high school and he turns out to be gay. He said that was a good one. He said this other movie ''Blame'' was good too. He said that was about a girl in high school who falls in love with her drama teacher. He said that was good. He said he loves teenage flicks like that. Howard said he might be a woman because these are chick flicks. He said he loves love.
Howard said they watched ''Sierra Burgess Is a Loser'' and that was good. He said that this fat chick falls for a football quarterback and she has another girl do the talking for her. Gary said that movie was great. Howard said there was also a movie he liked about a girl who has a skin disease and she can't go out at night (Midnight Sun).
Howard noticed Gary's voice was all phlegmy today. He played a song parody about that. He cut it off pretty quick though.
Howard said he painted and watched movies most of his vacation. He said it's getting harder and harder to pull himself out of his house. He said he will come to work but he only goes there under protest. He said he was talking to Beth about that and he was like ''Fuck, I have to go to work.'' He said he likes having no pressure.
Gary said he noticed Benjy was asking for phone numbers and he thought that was Howard's thing. Howard said people hate getting calls from Benjy. He said they have to ask why he called. He said he's like a telemarketer.
Howard said he doesn't want to hear from Benjy today. He said people have asked him not to have him in there. Gary said Benjy is always asking for help sleeping. He said he was asking about weed edibles and where to get them so he can sleep. Howard said he's like 50 years old so he should know where to get that stuff. He said 10 year olds know how to get that stuff. Robin said people know how to get that stuff. She said it can't be hard to find.
Howard said the last thing Benjy needs is more to eat. Benjy came in and said he does the calls every year. He said he was doing it before Howard did. Howard said stop it. He said he did not. He said that can't be right. Benjy said he did it when he joined Twitter.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who said that Benjy called. He took the call and it was Chad from St. Louis who said that he posted it for Beth but Benjy called. Chad said it was nice to hear from him. He said it was such a great gesture that he started calling people too. Howard said people didn't believe that it was really him calling. Benjy said he does it all the time on Twitter. Howard asked how he knew to read his Twitter to get numbers. Benjy said it comes up because he follows him.
Howard asked Chad what he and Benjy talked about. Chad said they talked about some stuff they have talked about on Twitter.
Howard said he talked to Benjy at the Christmas party. He said he spent a few minutes with him. He said Benjy wanted to just say hi and move on. He asked him to sit down and talk. He said he let him sit there and talk. He said Robin came over and she was going to sit there but she didn't want to be there with Benjy. Howard said he likes Benjy and he had her sit there to keep him there. He said it was a nice conversation. He said when he's normal he's fine. Benjy said it was like a Mafia thing there. He said he was there with 5 people. He said he's like Tony Soprano. Howard said he is not. He said he's not a mob boss. He said he's sitting there with people he works with. Benjy said he had a sad part in his speech. He said he should check with Gary about that. Howard asked what it was. Benjy said he was mentioning names and he said something that made them think they were going to get sad. He said he said someone else and that person got really sad.
Howard said he's not sure what he's talking about. Robin explained what she thought he was saying. Benjy said the speech was great. He said he had a lot of laughs in it. Howard said he spoke from the heart. He said his wife told him he had to make a speech. He said he wasn't going to do it but she convinced him to do it.
Gary said one year Howard didn't make a speech and people read something into that. Howard said it didn't mean anything. Howard said he just didn't want to make the speech.
Howard asked Robin about Benjy hugging her and if it was tit on tit. Robin said it was. Howard told Benjy he can leave now. They played him out with a song parody.
Howard said he liked Ellen Degeneres' stand up special on Netflix. He said she's really good. He said she went back and got her chops back doing stand up and she's got good material.
Howard said today is like a warm up show for Monday when they come back. He said next week they'll start with their year in review. He said they get more requests for that. He said that this is for next week. He said next week they'll be doing that. He said they'll be reviewing 2018 with the panel. He said he'll have them in today to review the Christmas party. He said that Memet's girlfriend was at the Christmas party. He said Jason took copious notes about the party.
Howard said Fred's wife is great. He said that she's a real estate agent and she loves her job. He said she sees these apartments and she wants to go buy them. He said she stopped doing that and now she's selling to other people. He said he mentioned Fred in his speech that night and he wasn't even there. Fred said he's a geezer. He said he was out of there. Howard said he was talking about Fred and he wasn't even there so he was like fuck Fred.
Howard said his speech was off the cuff and he feels bad not mentioning some people. He said he just mentions people he sees in his eye line. He said he didn't mention Robin one year and that's only because he didn't see her. He said he mentions Sal because he's right there in front of him. He said he is a good subject.
Howard said Ronnie wasn't there and everyone said it was great without him. He said Ronnie is kind of a major guy there but they liked not having him there. He said he's like the goo that holds things together. He said that they were wondering what was different there and it turned out it was not having him there. Howard said Ronnie called Jon Hein to find out how it was going there. Jon said he just wanted to make sure they were all having a good time. Howard said no one needs that.
Howard said Ronnie must have not been having a good time down in Mexico. He said that he wouldn't call if he was having a good time. Jon said it sounded like he was having a good time. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions for a short time after that. They were cursing up a storm like Ronnie might do at the party. They had him saying ''cunt'' and things like that. They had him asking if anyone stole his word. Howard said it was kind of nice without Ronnie there. He said go to Mexico every year.
Howard said he was making calls on New Years Eve and this one woman said she drove by Ronnie's house to see his decorations. He said she said there were other people driving by as well. Robin said someone said it looked like Walmart took a shit on his lawn. Howard said he thinks he said that. Robin said maybe it was him. Howard played a clip of Tim Stack doing a commercial parody for a Ronnie Christmas album. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Ronnie understands. Ronnie said he does. Robin asked if they're wasting their time with this. Howard said they are. He said right under the water are species we haven't discovered yet. He said we have to explore that first. Robin said they have found things out there that we can use here. Howard said there's nothing out there. He said there's plenty there to discover.
Howard said they want to send people to Mars and they're dreaming about this. He said that when they get there and there's no way back then people are going to freak out. He said that there's nothing there. He said they train these people for this. He said you look at what's going on and people are signing up to go to Mars. He said you'll hear a distress signal as soon as they get there. He said it's not going to be some great trip. He said they'll be bored as shit.
Robin said in the dark ages they'd be the guys saying there is nothing left to discover. Howard said that's just not true. He was doing his NASA guy talking to the Mars settlers talking to them about how they learned that Mars sucks.
Howard said they are going to discover that zero gravity is fun for 10 minutes. He said then they'll want to come home. He said there's no one out there to fuck. Howard had the Mars people asking how they get back home. He said that they're asking for pictures of Benjy's tits so they have something to beat off to.
Howard said they have some people in the studio on the panel. He said this isn't a show. He said this is rehearsal. He said that their regular shows start on Monday. He said today is a special day. He said he came in there on his good graces. JD laughed. Howard said he laughs so inappropriately.
Howard asked what JD wore to the Christmas party. JD said he wore a suit and he had Christmas lights on it. Gary tried to say something and his voice was shot. Howard said he knew that he was going to be in there. He said he should have saved his voice. Gary said he knows. He said he should leave. Howard said he bets he was fine at the party. Gary said it was a party like any other party.
Howard said Gary went to this New Years Eve party at a neighbor's house. Robin said that it wears you out because they're dry houses. Gary said he didn't know it was going to happen. Robin said everyone else came in with a voice. Gary said he was in bed by 12:20. He said he didn't know that he wasn't going to have a voice. Howard said he talks too much.
Howard said they can talk about the Christmas Party. He said Jason too copious notes. Howard said by the way Ronnie... He said he didn't think he wasn't there but everyone else was talking about how he wasn't there. He said it wasn't him. Jason said he has that written down in his notes. Ronnie said he heard he was missed. JD said he missed him.
Howard asked if Ronnie knew that people were driving by his house. Ronnie said he knows because his neighbor told him. He said that people are taking pictures of it. He said he may take that stuff down today.
Howard asked if Ronnie is wrecked after that vacation. Ronnie said he was yesterday. He said they were having a good time. Howard said he has a lot of energy. He said he's younger than Ronnie and he can't keep up. He said he's got one foot in the ground. He said he goes to bed at 8 at night. Ronnie asked if he really wants to go in the ground. Howard said no. He said he wants to be in a mausoleum. He said that he doesn't want to be buried. Ronnie said he gets freaked out in an MRI machine. Robin said you'll be dead. Ronnie said how do you know what you'll feel. Howard said don't go in a box. He said he guarantees that people have been buried alive. Richard said not anymore. Howard said he hates to tell you but it has happened. Jason said George Washington had it in his will that they had to wait 3 days before burying him.
Howard said there are people who have been declared dead and they can't speak. He said they get put in the refrigeration thing. He said he wants to rot above ground. He said that's why Casey Kasem took a year to be buried. Jason said he's not sure if James Brown was buried yet. Howard said he thinks he was.
Howard asked if anyone missed Ronnie at the party. Richard said he did. Jason said everyone said this was the best party ever. He said that it wasn't because of Ronnie not being there. He said Howard looked happy and people were talking about that. Howard said he felt better not having Ronnie there. Ronnie said he had a great time in Mexico. He said they hung out on the beach and there were plenty of chicks down there. He said they did everything for you at the resort.
Ronnie said they had a pool in their room. He said he may have been naked in it. He mentioned that they fucked on the balcony. He said that it's all blocked off so no one is seeing it. He said he was on the couch on the balcony. Howard asked if he was on top of her. Ronnie said it's like being on a bed. Richard asked if he jizzed all over the couch. Ronnie said no. Howard said his dick must have dripped. Ronnie said he didn't check. Howard said he heard the maid slipped in his jizz.
Richard said he hung out with a celebrity down there. Ronnie said it was Vince Neil. Howard said he doesn't know their music. Ronnie said he knows of them. He said he was a guest at the wedding. Howard asked who was getting married. Ronnie said it's a friend of his. Howard asked how he knows him. Ronnie said he met through other friends. Howard said he had to meet this guy through his NASCAR friends. Ronnie said this guy he met through friends in Vegas. Howard asked if Stephanie brought his dildos along. Ronnie said no but he did have cock rings with him. Shuli said he always brings them wherever he goes. Ronnie said he brings them in his bag. He said he put the cock ring on down there. Everyone was laughing. Shuli said even porn stars don't fly with that stuff. Ronnie asked how he knows. Shuli said because they're normal people.
Gary asked what's so great about the cock ring. Ronnie said you'd have to ask her. Ronnie said he got a bunch of them to test.
Howard asked what was so great about the hotel down there. Ronnie said everything about it was great. He said at night they put this thing of chips and salsa out with a bucket of Coronas. He said he only had one a night.
Ronnie said he went to the Cabo Wabo cantina down there. He said Vince Neil's wife was hanging out with Stephanie. He said she has horses so they were having fun taking about that shit.
Howard asked how much he drank down there. Ronnie said he drank every day. Howard asked if he has ever thrown up from drinking. Ronnie said he did on a birthday one year. He said the town down there went ballistic when some team won a game. He said they were driving around screaming.
Shuli asked if Ronnie was fucking around with the staff making Mexican jokes. Ronnie said the place was too nice for that. Jason said one year Ronnie drank so much he passed out under a table. Ronnie said he never threw up.
Howard said the Christmas party was great this year and people are saying it's because of Ronnie not being there. Ronnie said he'll go away every year then. He said next year he's going to Hawaii.
Howard asked how many cock rings he had. Ronnie said he had 4 different kinds. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions talking about that stuff. Ronnie said they have different textures. He said Stephanie has a favorite. He said she asked him to get the one she likes. He said it was still in his carry bag. He said he had to run and get it out of there. He said it was a whole deal. Howard said that's some story.
Howard asked what it is about that one that she likes. Ronnie said it must just hit her in the right spot.
Howard asked Jason what he has in his notes. Jason said JD had some stuff on his suit and his wife didn't want him wearing it. Howard had to cut them off because everyone's headphones were cutting out. They went to break after that.
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Howard asked Shuli what the story is. Shuli was starting to tell Howard the story and Jeff said Shuli has praised this guy before. Jeff said this guy makes it a point to make him miserable. Shuli said he has said that but it's just a fact. Howard said this is one of the trolls as Jeff calls them. Shuli said this guy gets his accounts closed and things like that. Jeff kept yelling stuff out. Howard said everyone take a deep breath.
Shuli said someone did some research and found out information on him. He said he anted to call in with this stuff but he told him you can't just blurt it out on the air. He said that Jeff gets upset with him for telling him that. Howard asked Jeff if he understands why that is. Jeff said he got a note from this guy and another guy who has been trolling him for 3 years. He said this guy turned out to be a sex offender. Howard said this is a great call actually. He said the story is going to go nowhere though. He said Gary loves this. Gary said he does.
Jeff said he wants to read this statement from this fuck nut. Howard said he's not sure if he wants to hear that. Shuli said he should probably vet this first. He said Jeff is on his 7th or 8th account now. He said he's under a fake name now. He said he's using the name of a Boll and Branch guy. Howard asked what's up with that. Jeff said that one was removed. He said he thinks that it's the trolls again.
JD said he heard he's still whipping his dick out on those accounts. Howard asked what name he's using now. Jeff said he can't say. Howard said he can't get viewers if he doesn't give out the name. Jeff said he's in a private group. Shuli said that one of these 5 people is fucking with him and getting those accounts closed. Jeff said fuck you to Shuli. Shuli said he's not doing anything. He said that he's just telling him the truth. He said he has tried to help him out but Jeff doesn't want to hear it.
Howard said it sounds like this year off to some start. Jeff said that his new year's resolution is to not have any new dick pics. Howard said good for you. He let Jeff go after that.
Howard said he told Mary he heard a lot about her. He said he got all of the weirdness out of the way. He said they spent maybe 20 minutes talking. Memet said it was maybe 10-15 minutes. Howard said it felt like 20 to him. He said they talked about what she does for a living and things like that.
Memet said Howard was bragging to her about his paintings. Howard said he's a fucking maniac. He said he wasn't bragging. He said he was trying to make it normal. He said he doesn't know this Mary from a hole in the head. He said she says she has an artistic type job. He said that he showed her some of his paintings on his phone. He said he didn't care if she saw them. He said he was doing this for Memet. He said he wasn't bragging. He said he doesn't think they're that good. Memet said it was a humble brag. Howard said he didn't want to talk to Mary but he did it for Memet.
Robin said Mary is beautiful and amazingly charming. She said she was looking at Memet in his rented suit. Howard said he rented a tuxedo. Robin said he looked like he was dressed up for a prom. Howard said he thinks of it like a prom. Memet said it is like a prom. Howard said she didn't wear a tittie dress. Memet said that everyone was uptight about it. Howard said Memet misread the whole thing. He said that they were dressed like pilgrims. Memet said he told her to wear something nice because she has a good body and it got out there and then they changed it. Gary said they saw the texts. Howard asked how Gary is going to do the Wrap Up Show today. Gary said Benjy can sit in for him. Howard said no way.
Jason said he talked to Memet about this party and he said the conversation with Howard was boring. Howard asked if he was talking about himself too much. Howard said Memet was bored because he was asking Mary questions that he would never even ask her. Memet said he's so tired of hearing that. Howard said he didn't let her have her own space. He said he made it about her instead of about Memet. He said he doesn't know Mary so he was asking her questions. He said Memet had to stand there like a boob. He said he got bored by that.
Jason said the consensus was that Mary was very nice and very beautiful. Howard asked if she was the hottest one in the room. Jason said she was very attractive. He said Will's wife was beautiful too.
Jason said the talk of the party was really about Brent and his wife Katelyn. Robin said JD was leaning back so far into the bar that you can't talk to him. She said that he hides in the booth so no one can talk to him. JD said he does go around a bit. Howard said he never brings his wife over to him. He said that he can't figure him out. Brent said she was in the back of the booth too. JD said when they were at the seafood thing for a little bit they were talking. Howard asked why he doesn't come over to him. JD said he's not that type of guy. JD said he did thank him for the party. Howard said it's weird that they don't socialize.
Howard said he and Shuli talked for what felt like an hour. Shuli said it was probably 15 minutes. Howard said he's not sure how he doesn't even see JD. Shuli said he gets it out of the way early. Howard said he and Brent talked for awhile too. He said even Benjy was talking to him. JD said he doesn't talk that much. Jason said he wore the Christmas lights as a conversation starter. JD said he wore his wedding suit this time and he had the lights around his neck. Howard said he should put him on Ronnie's lawn.
Robin said that JD leans back when you go to talk to him. She said you'd have to yell to talk to him. Howard said he wasn't even talking to Jason this year. Jason said he was taking notes. He said the talk of the party was Brent and his wife. He said many of the women there were propositioned by her. Howard said he makes it a point to let everyone know that they're willing to swing.
Brent said she liked Memet's girlfriend. Jason said he thinks that Memet would say that she was inappropriate with her. Memet said not that but she did say to her ''I want to eat your pussy'' at one point. Howard asked where that happened. Memet said it wasn't that slow of a build up. Howard said he kind of likes that. He said if you're interested just put it out there.
Memet said that Brent's wife came up to him at the party and they had a conversation about his girlfriend. He said she talked about what an asshole he is and then about how good her body is. Howard asked what kind of things she was talking about. Memet said she wanted to eat her vaginal area. Howard asked why he's saying that. Ronnie corrected him and said she said she wants to eat her pussy. Memet said that's what she said. He said he told Brent's wife that he lets Mary make those decisions for herself. He said later on that night he saw Mary looking uncomfortable so he went over to her. He said Brent's wife told her that she wants them to make out. He said he never said that. Memet said that Brent's thing is to send his wife out to talk to the girls and he sits there staring at these girls. He said he felt like Brent was looking at him like this was going to go down. He said this isn't going to go down. Brent said he was just watching.
Howard asked anyone saw this going on. Jason said he saw some of this. He said that he saw Brent's wife going around to the girls. He said Brent is never around and he's just looking. Memet said he's pretty sure that she would do stuff if anyone said yes. Brent said not with someone from work. Howard said that's a cool move to work the party like that. Brent said it was just a warm up for their vacation.
Memet said there was an after party and that's where she was really aggressive. Brent said that she was making sure that they were all okay with that. He said she did say that. Memet said he was complimented by it. Howard said he and Robin missed a lot. Howard asked where these after parties happen. JD said one was down the street at a bar. Howard asked if they really need more time after that. JD said he got home around 4 in the morning.
Howard said his wife got Sal started with the Karaoke thing and he had to leave after that. He said he doesn't want to listen to him sing. He said he's horrible. Shuli said Sal was so excited when Beth told him to get the party started since Ronnie wasn't there. He said he tried to keep it quiet when he introduced him. He said that Sal got the microphone and the first thing he did was yell into it.
Howard said Sal sucks at singing. He played some of Sal performing at the party. Howard said it drives him insane. He said he's so damn annoying. Howard said he can't stand when he sings.
Robin said she was trying to leave and Sal was chasing her with the microphone. Howard played more of Sal singing. Jason said that JD was holding the microphone and just muttering when he sang. Howard said he isn't professing to be a great singer though.
Howard asked Brent if he went home alone that night. Brent said they did. Howard asked if anyone made out with her. Brent said not that night. He said he and his wife went to New Orleans for Christmas. He said that they were down there for a week. He said they went to a swinger's club down there. He said it worked out okay. He said there were some couples there out of curiosity. He said that kind of ruined the vibe.
Howard read some notes about Brent and his wife going down there. He said Steve Nowicki was down there too so he interviewed Brent about a woman who was hitting on him. Brent said the woman was old and she hadn't fucked in 7 years. Brent was talking about how he'd fuck her and his wife was all for it. She said she had made out with two guys. She said she motorboat'd a chic and the chick did it back to her.
Howard said they're on fire. He said they work harder at sex than single people. Howard said it's wild. Ronnie said it's not his thing but he thinks it's cool. Brent said you have to get out and have fun. He said none of that Jesus stuff is going to happen so he's just out there having fun. Howard said that Brent and his wife got into an argument about Jesus and Heaven. Howard played some of that. Brent said there is no heaven and his wife said even if there is then it's going to be so boring. Brent sounded a little drunk in the clip.
Howard had some audio of Brent talking about going to a swingers club down in New Orleans. Steve was asking them about what they were going to do. Brent was talking about how he'd fuck his wife after she fucks other people.
Howard said that it was the Brent and Katelyn show at the Christmas party from what he hears. Howard asked Brent how often he cums. Brent said once or twice a day. Howard said that's wild.
Jason said he heard that Brent was drinking down there but he would take pot cookies to counteract that. Brent said that it was for sex so he'd be ready to go.
Howard took a call from ''Erotic Brent'' who was doing an impression of Brent talking about that stuff with his theme song playing behind him. Fake Brent was going on and on about people being uptight.
Howard let Erotic Brent go and asked real Brent if he has sex every day. Brent said that they will if they can. Howard said he didn't get to talk to her at the party. He said she didn't hit on Beth at all. Brent said she probably knows better. Howard asked Gary about his wife. Gary said she didn't hit on her either.
Howard said he heard that Brent's wife wanted to hit Benjy. Benjy said that people were telling him to please behave. He said that Brent's wife came up to him and said she was upset with him and said that he needs a blow job. He said then she started telling him about how Brent wakes her up by eating her out. He said she told him that's what he needs. Benjy said that she started punching him really hard. He said she was hitting him in the face and body and he was trying to laugh but she was hitting him really hard. He said that it was kind of embarrassing. Howard said his wife said that Benjy is really good looking. He didn't think so but she did. Howard said he was shocked.
Benjy asked how she brings that up. Howard said she just said it. Howard said just because she said that doesn't mean that he can take over the show now. Howard said he thinks they're done with him.
Howard read some feedback about Robin's retirement announcement. He had a lot of people saying that she can't retire. People were talking about how great she and Miley Cyrus were. Howard said he has pages and pages of this stuff.
Howard said Robin has to keep singing. Robin said she will continue to sing for herself. Howard said Robin is upset with the producer and people said they should fire him. Howard said Miley got great reviews too. Robin said she just got married too. Howard said good for her. Robin said she doesn't want to listen to the song. She said there was no inspiration and she was just told what to do. Howard asked if he's the Joe Jackson of the office. Robin said she thinks she discovered herself. She said that this guy thinks he knows what she does. Ronnie said he loves that angry face of her's. Howard asked if Derek hit her during that session.
Howard said he's going to make a suggestion. She said that Derek has to give her free reign. He said that he can't tell her what to do. Robin said 99 percent of the time he's been fine but this time he was 90 percent horrible. Ronnie said he has to hear this. Richard said he was there and didn't think Robin was having a bad time. Robin said he wasn't a help either.
Howard said Derek wants to defend himself. Robin said that he can't explain away her reaction to what he was doing. Robin said this is like Les Moonves saying that it was consensual sex. Derek came in and said that he had to give her some direction because they were under a time constraint. He said that she was harder to book than Miley was. He said they had a suggestion for what to do and they asked her to do this thing. He said he's terrified of Robin.
Howard said Robin wants to go in and do her thing. He said she wants to bring what she has for that song. He said if you tell her what to do then it becomes a job. Howard said he thinks he has it. Robin said he's right. Derek said they were in a different situation this time. Howard said who cares if it doesn't match it up. Derek said the listeners love it so Robin has to keep singing.
Robin said Derek was apologetic at the party. She said he was trying to figure out how to fix it. Howard said he wishes he was there for that. He said he would have taped the whole thing. Derek said she made it sound like he had her chained to a radiator or something.
Derek was trying to say something to Robin but she wasn't even looking at him. She was reading. Derek said that it seems like the song didn't mean anything to Robin. Robin said they could have said they have the track and let her get inspired by it. She said they didn't have to tell her to do this and that. She said that they only talked about the time they had to do it.
Ronnie said he has to hear this song. Howard said he'll play it. Robin said she has to turn off her headphones. She didn't want to hear it. Howard said this is a minute 33 seconds long. Howard played the cover of ''Silent Night'' that Miley and Robin did.
Howard said he has Les Moonves on the phone to tell Derek he did a good job. He took that call from fake Les and let him say a few words.
Howard said he thinks they did a great job with the song. Richard asked if Robin would do anything different with that song. Robin said yes, she would have worked with different people. Jason asked if Robin doesn't want any direction at all. Robin said no. She said that's not how they've worked in the past.
Howard said he sees Derek cowering in a corner if Robin ever goes back into the studio. He said he was going to say job well done but that's not right.
Howard said he has a lot of feedback about Miley Cyrus. He had a lot about Benjy almost ruining the Christmas party. He read some of those emails.
Howard asked Richard if he went out on New Years. Richard said they stayed home. He said they had some champagne at midnight. Howard said they really don't go out without the kid. Richard said they don't. Howard said he didn't see him at the Christmas party. Richard said just for a moment. He said he and Beth talked for a bit. Howard said it's so awkward to have conversations with him. He said he's not sure why he has to work so hard with Richard.
Howard said he had to work his ass off with Memet and his girlfriend so much and then he turns around and says it was a boring conversation. Jason said it's so odd how he went to that word ''brag'' when it came to Howard.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they should get Robin back in the studio and have her do the song her way. Howard said that's an idea. Robin said she's not singing anymore. Robin said there was a tape they played for her and they had her sing with someone else. She said they wanted her to match what that person did. She said that they asked her to give it a gospel feeling. She said she did that on her own without their stupid suggestions. She said that's what they ended up using. She said they had someone in there asking for ''more gospel'' during the session. Howard said she never told him what Nazis they were in the studio. He said he gets what she's saying about not wanting those suggestions.
Robin said that she's been producing herself for years. Jason said come on, she was barely able to get into the building this morning. Jason said that she had to ask him to text someone to bring her purse back.
Ronnie asked about the song being finished and if Robin heard it. Howard said she didn't hear it until Miley was in there. Howard said it all happened very quickly. Ronnie said he was wondering why she was so upset about it. Howard said she just told him. Robin said maybe she just needs her vaginal area licked. Howard said he thinks they'll be hearing that clip a lot in the future.
Howard said JD won the fantasy football league and he beat Michael Rapaport. Howard had some clips of Rapaport leaving messages for JD. Howard said he has a bunch. He played one where Rapaport was complaining about the way the league was run. He was going off on everyone in the league. He was telling JD not to ever call him again even though JD had never called him. JD said he's a maniac.
Richard said the whole season he was telling everyone he was going to fuck them in the ass. Howard had another clip to play where Rapaport was going off on JD and his wife. He was also going off on Gary calling him all kinds of names.
Howard asked if this guy is for real. He said he sniffs a lot too. Ronnie said he always has a lot of snot. He said then he wants to shake your hand. Gary was saying that they were only off by 3 points in the end. He said he loves seeing Rapaport losing.
Howard had another clip to play of Rapaport threatening him about some posts he had on social media. He said he had better take that fucking shit down on social media. JD said all he did was put up the score.
Howard had a clip of Rapaport talking about his loss in the Howard Stern fantasy football league. He won another league he was in though.
Howard asked when he became an expert. Jason said that it was when he started playing with them. Howard said he's claiming he won another league. Howard asked some questions about what he was saying in the clip. The guys explained it to him.
Howard read some details about Penny's career as an actor and director. Howard said she got a commercial before she was on Laverne and Shirley. He played a clip of her in that commercial with Farrah Fawcett. Howard had some clips from Laverne and Shirley.
Howard said he remembers her being such a hot director. He said before he met Betty Thomas and Ivan Reitman they called her agent to ask her to do it. He said that he thinks her fee was like $6 million. He said it was way out of the price range for that. Howard said that they had to rework the script and then Ivan suggested Betty Thomas. Howard said Penny got so much money to direct. He said her TV show was so popular that it had a cartoon. They had her in the army with Fonzie and his dog. Howard said how about that.
Howard said the last time he saw her she was at a Knick game eating a hot dog. He said it looked so good. He said he was fixated on that hot dog. He said he won't eat that stuff anymore. Richard said they make vegetarian ones. Howard said he's not interested in that.
Howard said Jon Hein wants to do an obituary. He had the guys in the back playing clips of Jon's audio book talking about Laverne and Shirley. They had him singing their theme song too. They had Jon reading the whole section of the book. Howard had to cut them off asking for a more comprehensive eulogy. They made Jon keep rambling about when their show jumped the shark.
Howard asked if anyone is still awake. The guys were still playing the clip. Howard said no one describes TV better than Jon. Fred played a ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' clip after that.
Howard said they missed the story about the government shutdown. He said that there was also a story about the troops being pulled from Syria. Brent said it hasn't happened yet but he thinks that's a good thing. Howard and Brent spent a minute talking about that. Howard asked about the idea that the Russians and Iranians having free reign over there. Brent said that's fine. He said they will stay in the middle east forever if they keep going this way. Jason was talking about what he thinks about this. He said he's not sure our President is the one to make the right decisions about that without consulting anyone.
Howard took a call from Political Brent who was rambling on and on about what's going on out there.
Howard said they also found out that Les Moonves lost his severance money. He said that they learned that Memet's girlfriend is hot but not the hottest chick at the party. Howard asked if Benjy ruined the party. The guys said they don't think so. Jason said the party was great.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's upset that the party was so good without him. Ronnie said he's not hearing that. He said he heard they missed him. Howard said they had a great party and some people were saying it was because Ronnie wasn't there. He said he thought people would miss him yelling out tits and cunt. Ronnie said he doesn't do that. He said they might just be too old for his fun.
Ronnie said he never even talks to Howard at the party. Howard said he can do that. Ronnie said he heard Shuli wasn't going to go to the party. Shuli said they were going to go to Vegas but the kids got sick and then his wife got sick.
Howard asked Robin if she talked to anyone there. Robin said she got to talk to Fred and his wife. She said she talked to a lot of people but not for all that long.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Memet is out of his mind. He said that he shouldn't have said what he said about the brag thing. He said he's given up on the guy. Howard said he's the boss and he went out of his way to talk to Memet and his girlfriend. He said he was concentrating on her and asking her about her life and things. He said then he sees that she's talking about art and graphic art and all of that. He said he showed her some of his painting to do some bonding. He said he doesn't care if she likes it or not. He said he's trying to have some common ground.
Robin said it was interesting to hear his take on the whole thing. Robin said that maybe he thought that he was supposed to be pumping him up. Howard said he did for 5 minutes. He said he spent about 15 minutes with them and for 5 of that he was pumping Memet up. He said he told Mary that Memet is a terrific writer. He said he didn't mention that at all. Howard said he spent 25 minutes with Fred's wife.
Memet came back in and said he used the wrong word. Howard said it's fine. He said he put the time in trying to make a connection with Memet's girlfriend. He said he's a humble guy. He said that no one was probably paying attention to her. Fred said this is pretty bizarre. Howard said he did tell her how great Memet is. Memet said that was great. He said he enjoyed that. Memet said he has been single a long time and he's getting used to people not paying attention to him. Gary said he's douchey.
Howard said he's saying he's jealous of his girlfriend. He said he's doing it for Memet but he wants him to focus on him. Memet said that's not it at all. Howard said he heard he's upset that the panel didn't think his girlfriend was the hottest one there. Memet said he should feel that way. He said he thinks they're all lying. He said he asked someone back there if they're lying and they said yes.
Howard asked if Memet thinks that there could be someone who doesn't think she's the hottest one there. Memet said sure but he doesn't want them lying about it. The caller said that Memet is projecting his thoughts on other people. Howard said he heard that he doesn't like it when people compliment her looks and not his. Memet said being human you want to hear something about how you look good too. Howard said that never crosses his mind. He said that Beth has people commenting on her looks all the time. Howard said he doesn't care if someone isn't thinking about his looks. Howard said he can't be serious about this. Memet said he is being honest unlike some of these guys.
Memet said his therapist said it best. Robin said ''Please leave...'' Memet said that he does get jealous. He said he had to pop back into therapy. He said he's on a constant journey to be a better person. He said his therapist said that he's the prize. Robin asked what that means. Howard said he's the prize for this girl. Memet said he has people telling him not to fuck it up so he's actually the prize. Robin said this is to keep his self esteem up.
Howard asked Fred what is going on here. Fred said he's baffled by this. He said he's in deep shit. He said there's no therapy where they tell you you're the prize.
Howard asked Memet if he thinks there's some jealousy from the guys there. Memet said he thinks there might be. Robin asked if he knows there's a difference between opinion and the truth. Memet said that he knows that and his opinion just happens to be the truth.
Howard asked how the relationship is going. Memet said it's going better than ever. He said he loves her so much. He said she's so great. He said he's doing this so he's a better person. Howard asked if he has met her family yet. Memet said many of them he has. He said she came over and met his grandmother.
Howard asked if Memet has met the mom yet. Memet said not yet. He said she lives far away. He said he has no worries. Howard wondered if she's going to be the hottest mom on the show.
Memet said from now on he's going to be a liar like the rest of the guys. He said he loves everyone there though. They played some clips of Memet saying a few different things. Ronnie said he wishes he could have met her. Howard said he could have evaluated her. JD said she's Ronnie's type. He said she's beautiful and he would have liked her. He said he thinks he would have danced with her and done Karaoke with her.
Howard said congratulations on having the hottest chick there at the party. Shuli said ''You're the prize buddy.''
Howard said he got to spend some time with Fred's wife. He said that he and Fred talked too. He said the three of them talked for a bit. He said no one talked about blow jobs or anything like Brent's wife did with people. Howard asked who she thought was the hottest. Brent said that it was JD's wife. Howard said look at JD smelling his fingers. JD said she did proposition her at the end of the night. He said she told him to get her drunk next year and they'll hook up. Howard said he didn't get to see his wife. He said JD kept him hidden away from him. JD said he didn't do that. He said he just saw Howard was in conversation every time he looked over. Howard said just come over and say hi. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and did another live commercial read. After that he said it's time for some news. He said he has a brand new song parody for 2019. He played that for her. He said that was Psych. Robin said she's glad to hear he's still around.
Howard said he was reading about how they say vowels don't matter anymore. He said that he's going to drop the O from his name. He said he'll eventually drop the A as well. He said you know people would know who you're talking about if they say ''HWRD.'' He said he went on their web site over vacation and they had a contest about which phony phone call was the best of the year. Jason said it turned out to be Flirty Gary. Howard said he liked Jim Breuer as Goat Boy. Jason said that didn't make it out of the first round. Howard said he pisses his pants every time he hears that. He said next week he's going to play the top 5 calls of the year. He said he's going to play the Jim Breuer call to show that he was robbed. He said he lost to Sal's Dad. He said that's a winner too but Goat Boy is the best.
Jason said they started off with 8 calls and it came down to Tony Governale and Flirty Gary. Howard said he thinks it should have been Goat Boy. Howard is he's playing it for Robin right now. He got the Goat Boy phony phone call. In that call Jim called a feed store about getting some feed for his goats. He had the guy at the store cracking up by the end of the call. Howard said he'll play the others when they get back on Monday.
Robin started her news with a story about Miley Cyrus marrying Liam Hemsworth over the holiday. Howard asked if she knew when she was there she was going to say her nuptials. Robin said yes. She said it happened just weeks later. She said there were some minor leaks from friends that it had happened. Howard said her original plan was to have it at their house that burned down. Howard said Liam is Thor's brother (Chris Hemsworth). He asked who is the better looking one. Robin said they're very close but she would go with Thor.
Howard said he has Flirty Gary on the phone for Robin. He took the call from the guys who were playing clips of Flirty Gary coming on to Robin. Howard said he thinks he's striking out with Robin.
Robin read a story about Pete Davidson returning to stage a couple of weeks after he posted something on Instagram. Robin said everyone tuned in to Saturday Night Live that week and he was back and doing okay. Howard said he was reading in the paper that he had said something and it may have had to do with his breakup with Ariana Grande. Robin said he made an Instagram post. She said that's what people were responding to. Robin said he made an appearance on stage up in Boston and Medford and he's doing okay. Robin said he didn't want to be on this earth anymore in that Instagram post. Robin said they did send some officers to the studios to do a wellness check. Robin said they decided to leave him alone. Howard said he hopes he's okay. He said he likes that guy. He said his stand up is very good. He said he's a talented guy. He said he saw that he's dating again. Robin said depression can make it seem like you're fine when you still have issues. Howard asked Robin if she has ever had depression. Robin said she has. Howard said Robin has conquered everything. Robin said she's still trying to be a better person.
Robin read a story about Ray Sawyer from the band Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show passing away. They played some of their songs. Howard knew some of their stuff. He said he was kind of bummed when he read that he had passed away. Robin said Ray was 81 and he was still performing. Robin said he met a woman who went out on the road with him as his drummer. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
After the break Howard came back and did another live read. Robin got back to her news and had a clip of Andy Cohen announcing that he's going to have a child thanks to a surrogate. Robin asked if Howard ever looked at him being a dad. Howard said he doesn't see him as a dad. He said maybe there's a side of him they don't know. He said maybe he's ready to calm down and devote his life to a child. Howard said he congratulates him. Robin said he has 6 weeks left before he's going to have that child. Robin said she applauds anyone who makes that leap to have a child. Robin said you don't have anyone else to help out. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard said he's thinking he'll get bored with the kid and he'll hire 10 people to watch the kid. Robin said it's not always like it is in the movies. She said he'll have an apartment in another building away from that child. Howard said she's rough.
Robin read a story about Kevin Spacey and how he was just about to be charged with a criminal assault and he revealed this video as if he were still Frank Underwood from that TV show. Robin said this was not off the cuff. She said he was in character and speaking into the camera like that character. Robin had Howard play the clip. Howard asked if that was on Netflix. Robin said no. Howard said it doesn't seem like a good plan to do that. Robin said he was charged with the sexual assault of someone in Boston. Robin said he allegedly groped a young man against his will at a party a couple of years ago. Robin said the kid did tell people it happened shortly after. She said they have charged Kevin. Howard said he guesses that he's saying don't jump to conclusions. Howard said a lot of people were confused about this whole thing. Especially Fred. Fred said he saw a picture of him out in public wearing something over his face like a scarf.
Robin read a story about Charlie Rose settling with his accusers who claimed sexual harassment while he was working at CBS. Howard said he has to calm down with that stuff at 80. He said that's way offensive. Robin said they say that CBS was completely aware of what was going on. Howard said they knew Charlie when he was young. Robin said he was a handsome man. She said he always had women.
Robin asked if Howard watched any of the New Years Eve shows. Howard said he was watching Jenny McCarthy and Ryan Seacrest. He said he saw Weezer singing a Toto song. He said it sounded okay but it sounded like Toto. He said Jenny was running around playing games with the audience. He said maybe that was Maria Menounos. He said she was on with Steve Harvey on FOX. He said someone was playing games. He said those people were standing in the rain and you were looking at the back of the person playing the games. He said it's a lot of disturbing looking people. He said it's mind boggling to stand in the rain on New Years Eve. Robin said some aren't even in the same street. Howard said they're like 5 blocks away. He said the cops are there all night too. Howard said he gets it's good for tourism. Robin said they search you and you can't have booze or pot. Robin said it hardly sounds like fun at all.
Gary said that Will used to go and he'd pee on the people in front of him. Howard said he loves him. Robin said they say that the ratings were down for those shows this year. Howard said he heard that NBC forgot to show the ball drop. He said they were showing people kissing. He said that's gross. He said he doesn't want to watch people kissing unless they're really good looking.
Robin read that Netflix has a ball drop that you can play at any time so you can do it for the kids. Howard said he heard about some people who watch British shows so they can see the ball drop 5 hours early. He said he wonders who these people are who do this for their kids. He said his father didn't give a shit if he saw it drop or not. That led to him doing his impressions of his mom and dad talking about that. Howard said some people think that he wouldn't be the same as he is on radio if he was raised better. Howard said he wants to know what it's like to be well adjusted. Howard said he wishes they had Jenny McCarthy and Maria Menounos inside so they could show some skin. He said he doesn't want to see them all bundled up. He said he's not sure why Ryan Seacrest wants to do so much. He said they still call it Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve. He said that's a little morose.
Robin read a story about a New Yorker winning the $425 Megamillions lottery. Robin said it's the 8th largest jackpot in the history of the game. Robin said this person bought the ticket at a gas station on Long Island.
Robin read a story about a Detroit man who is in jail in Russia. Robin said he's charged with spying. Robin had some details about that. Howard said steer clear of Moscow. He wondered why anyone would go there. Howard said fuck this Vladimir Putin mother fucker. He said when are we going to go back to hating this guy. He asked Donald what he's doing and said he should get his buddy to release him.
Robin read a story about Andrew Cuomo being sworn in for his third term in office there in New York. Robin had some audio from his inaugural address for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about 15 people so far announcing they might be interested in running for president in 2020. She asked if that's a good idea for the democrats. Howard said he does think it's good.
Robin said there's a government shutdown that's in its 10th day. Robin said there is garbage and waste piling up in the national parks. Robin said it's becoming a problem. She said the shutdown is keeping things from being cleaned up. Robin said it's causing a health and safety hazard for people.
Robin read a story about Mitt Romney coming in from Utah as a senator. Robin said he's calling Trump's character into question just days before he takes office. Robin had some audio of someone talking about why he's probably doing that. Howard asked what Mitt is short for. Robin said maybe Mitchell. Howard said that's too much energy to say Mitchell. Gary said that's his middle name. He said it's Willard Mitt Romney. Howard said people are so odd. He said that everything was by the rule in his family. He said Richard's first name is Thomas. He asked why he's not Thomas. He said Memet's first name is Adrian. He asked what's going on. He said they name them something and then don't use the name. He said it's mind blowing and it makes him want to scream.
Robin read a story about a Mexican mayor who is dead just 2 hours after going into office. Howard said he read an article about how they looked into corruption in Mexico and they say everyone is corrupt down there. Howard said you think it's corrupt down there but it's worse than you think. He said you can't turn to anyone down there. Robin said the guy took the oath of office and he was shot to death 2 hours later.
Robin asked if Howard is returning any gifts. Howard said he isn't. Robin said the fashion industry leads the list of returned gifts. Robin said that women's shirts with ruffles are returned. Howard said it's very hard to buy clothing for someone. Robin said CrockPots and Espresso makers are also on the top of the return list. Howard said no one is using those things. Robin said she uses a CrockPot. Howard said there's no reason to cook slow. Robin said the list has tape measures and life like dolls. Howard said that's creepy.
Robin read a story about a child who ended up in a pen with a rhino at a zoo. Howard said he can see Andy Cohen's kid ending up in there. He said Andy is going to end up being great. Robin said this was a 2 year old girl who ended up in the pen. She said the child is doing well though. Robin said the zoo shut down the exhibit when the child got in. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Today's replay show was over around 11:15am