Howard started the show talking about how there's a lot happening today. He said he has so much to talk about. He said they've been away for a couple of days. Robin asked if he had an eventful couple of days. Howard said he did but not as eventful as Ronnie. He said Ronnie lost his voice and he's all upbeat. He said he must have been yelling all weekend. He said the guys say he has no voice. He said he must have had one of those Ronnie weekends. He parties like a teenager.
Ronnie came in and said he was at a Karaoke party. His voice was shot. Howard said he just has to sing. Ronnie said it was a karaoke party. Howard said Stephanie was posting pictures of him all weekend. Ronnie said he had two parties in one night. He said one was at 5:30 and one was at 10. Howard said he's going to drop dead from this. He said he's a little too old for this. Howard said he was at a party last weekend too. Ronnie said that was on Memorial day.
Howard said he can only whisper the word ''cunt'' today. Ronnie said it and it came out fine. Howard said he heard he got mad at Stephanie for posting the pictures of him. Howard said it's funny to post. Ronnie said he yelled at her yesterday about it. Howard asked what he's singing, Cher and Neil Diamond? Ronnie said it was a lot of old rock stuff.
Howard said Ronnie goes at it hard. He said when he feels his voice is going he stops talking. Ronnie said he was drinking. He said the first party was mellow. He said that was like a wedding but it was a sweet 16 party. He said it was like 200 people and it was insane.
Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions talking about that party. Ronnie said there were 16 year olds there that looked 25. Howard and Fred talked about why they look that way. Ronnie said he's trying to figure out why you invite so many adults to a sweet 16. He said it was like a fucking wedding. He said they had limos and all of that.
Ronnie said that party was mellow. Howard was talking like Ronnie saying that some of the girls there already had D-cups at 16. Ronnie said he watched some of those kids grow up. Fred and Howard were going over the top with their comments according to Ronnie.
Howard said imagine Ronnie going crazy in front of those kids. Ronnie said he was at a table with the neighbors and not the kids. Ronnie said he didn't dance with anyone there. He said at the other party that was another story.
Ronnie said the other party was for a birthday for an older couple. Fred and Howard were going nuts as Ronnie talking about that stuff. Howard said imagine the dancing there. Ronnie said he's surprised Stephanie didn't put that up. Howard and Fred were talking more about what that was like as Ronnie. They were talking about the older people and how the cunts there squirt dust.
Ronnie said one person had a cane at that party. He said that they had a cock on the handle. Howard asked what it was like with the old people at the party. Robin asked what the old cunts were like. Ronnie said look at her. Howard and Fred did more of their Ronnie voices talking about that. Howard asked if the guy was gay. Ronnie said no. He said he actually gave him the cane. He said someone had sent it in there. He took it home and gave it to that dude.
Howard said one woman was so old she had an 8 track player in her. Ronnie said they have this older guy at the restaurant who looks like Elvis. He said he sings Italian songs though. He said he was running the whole thing there. Howard asked if that's his story. Ronnie said he's telling ''her.'' Howard asked where the story goes. Ronnie said he was just telling Robin the story. Howard said so what. Ronnie said fuck it.
Howard and Ronnie were still doing their voices talking about the young girls at one party and the old women at the second party. They were talking about the penis cane and things like that too.
Howard said there was one old broad there whose cut was around before the microwave. They said her cunt saw the Hindenburg crash.
Howard played some audio of Ronnie singing karaoke. He had a bunch of clips. Howard said he's not sure that's fun. Ronnie said it is fun. Robin said it sounds forced. Ronnie said it wasn't forced. Fred did his Ronnie voice saying it wasn't forced but he had no voice.
Howard and Fred got into Ronnie's voice again talking about the older women and telling stories about what they've seen in their long lives. They went back to the holocaust and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he guarantees that if you ask everyone there that they were creeped out by Ronnie. Ronnie said no way. He said he wasn't even near the girls. Howard said he's at the table and he's talking. Robin asked what's up with the red wig. Ronnie said they did a phot booth thing. Howard and Fred were doing more of their Ronnie material.
Howard said Ronnie was meant to perform. He said he has to have that attention. Robin said it's too bad he doesn't have an act. Ronnie said he doesn't need an act.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if he saw that picture of Ronnie and Mandy Moore the other day. Howard said he did. He said he looked like an old Kevin Costner with Whitney Houston. He said he was helping her out of the building and it was quit a photo op. Robin said they look like a couple in that picture. She said it looks like she's dating an old pirate.
Howard did more of his Ronnie voice talking about Mandy and how much of a gentleman he was with her. He said she asked what he does and he said he's a security guy and he performs on stage. He told her about his last acting role in the Adam Sandler film. Howard had Ronnie telling her about his new role as a security man. He said she is the Lebron James of pussy. He had Ronnie telling her all kinds of things that he does. Ronnie said he took good care of her. Howard asked if she smelled his Mambo. Ronnie said she did. He said he's not telling that story. Howard said he puts too much of that shit on. Ronnie said she didn't say anything. He said he doesn't put on too much. Robin said she asked if anyone has an Epi-Pen. Ronnie told her to shut the fuck up.
Howard and Fred did more of their Ronnie voices and Howard read a poem about Mandy Moore that was really dirty. That got Ronnie laughing hard. Fred made one up too.
Howard-Ronnie was telling Mandy about how he'd guard her with his life. Fred said he's a watch dog for her snatch. Howard was talking about taking a bullet for her labia. Howard had him saying that her pussy looks like a catcher's mitt. Howard said imagine Ronnie talking to Mandy Moore. He made up more of his conversation with her and said he's a writer and he's known as Edgar Allan Gross around there. He played a bit about Ronnie's karaoke singing after that.
Howard said it's amazing that he doesn't learn that he always loses his voice doing that. Ronnie asked why learn. He said just have fun. He said his voice is already coming back. Howard asked why he can't figure that out. Ronnie said his voice wasn't blown out at the time. He said yesterday morning it was blown out.
Howard said there were two parties. Howard said on Sunday he drank some pussy juice and it cured it. He and Fred were talking about Stephanie's pussy juice helping that out. Howard-Ronnie was making up more poems that Ronnie could have told Mandy Moore.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has listened to him since 1987. Howard said Ronnie was like 60 back then. Ronnie said he was not. The caller said he hopes that he can go out like Ronnie having fun at his age. Howard said he's inspiring people. Howard played Ronnie's ''Wet Cunt'' song parody and went to break after that.
Howard said he's not sure what an apartment costs on the east side of Manhattan but they're expensive. He said that they're so loud with the parade too. He said he has some audio of this on the upper east side of Manhattan. He said Memet taped this 6 blocks away. He played a clip and it sounded like he was right there. Howard asked what that sound is in there. It was an air horn.
Howard said this is it close up. He said imagine waking up to this on a Sunday morning. He asked why this is necessary. He said this isn't anti-Puerto Rican. He said it's anti-parade. He said how about one parade for veterans. He said that's it. Howard said every float has someone yelling into a microphone and you can't hear what they're saying but you know they're pissed about something. Howard played a clip of what that sounds like. Howard said that's like every bad caller he gets.
Howard said a lot of people carry around air horns and whistles. He said everyone was getting in on the fun. He said that air horn makes you want to bang your head into a wall. He played another clip of people whistling and honking the air horns.
Howard played a clip of Memet interviewing people at the parade asking why they were there. They were saying this is their day and no one complains about the gay pride parade or the veteran's parade.
Howard said this guy wasn't sympathetic to noise complaints. He played a clip of Steve Nowicki talking to that guy who was just honking the air horn when asked about noise complaints. Howard said the sound of silence is the sound of happiness. He said that sound is the sound of ''go fuck yourself.''
Howard played some audio of Steve Nowicki interviewing people on the street about the parade and asking what they were doing.
Howard said that movie ''A Quiet Place'' is where he wants to be. He said he loves peace and quiet. He said that's all he wants.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked about equality and how this seems to separate people. Howard said they used to throw a parade for the veterans who would come home from fighting a war. He said these are people who need to be celebrated. Howard said if they have one inkling about how grateful we are for them then it's worth it. Howard said this parade is nonsense. He said there's enough noise in this country.
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who said that he was at the parade yesterday. He said the men are the hottest there. Howard asked if he got laid. Ramone said he doesn't know where he wound up last night. Howard said he had a wild night. Ramone said he has no idea how he got to where he is and his ass hurts. Howard asked what he drank. Ramone said he had rum and Coke. Howard said go home.
Howard said he follows all of the news organizations on Twitter. He said he follows them all. He said everything was Kate Spade until Anthony Bourdain died. Howard said he told Beth he had no idea who the guy was. He said that Gary told him he said he should be a guest on the show and he didn't know who the guy was. Howard said he wasn't on his radar. He said he had a show on CNN and he never knew about it.
Howard said he was learning about this guy and he might have to read his book after that. Robin said his book sales did go up. She said it's like a singer or a rock star selling stuff after they die. Howard said they had a report next to that story and how suicides are up by 35 percent. Robin said they're middle age suicides too. She said it's not kids like you'd think. Robin said he used his bathrobe belt to hang himself.
Howard said this is a sad topic but they say that they wrap stuff around their necks and they tie it to the door handle. Howard asked how you do that. He said that you must start choking and try to stand up. He asked how you don't fight through it. Robin said she's been trying to figure it out and she cant. Howard said they say that Kate Spade was engrossed in the Robin Williams suicide and she studied it. He said it's unbelievable. He said there are people fighting to stay alive and these people want to die. Robin said they have great lives and you'd think they'd want to live but they're miserable and taking their lives. Robin said they say Anthony Bourdain did it in a completely spontaneous act. Robin said they say that it didn't appear to be planned. Robin said there were no indications days before. Howard said he blew Kate Spade right of the front page.
Robin said he was there in France shooting his TV show. Howard said he's going to miss the lie detector test results.
Howard said he's a pretty dark guy but he doesn't go to that kill yourself thing. He said it turns out he's the happiest man in show business. Robin said you do wonder how the average person deals with it. Robin said that they are doing okay and these people on top of the world are falling apart.
Howard said Beth almost blames him for noting good being on TV. He said he records a lot of stuff and she isn't into it. He said that someone sent this movie into the show and he looked it up. He said this girl has a disease where she can't go in the sun or she'll get cancer and die. He said this is a real thing apparently. Howard said Beth will usually fall right asleep. He said that she stayed awake for this movie. He said he was wide awake too. He said he was loving this movie. Robin said he loves the worst stuff. Howard said Robin will watch the whole thing too. Robin said she can't stand movies like that.
Howard said the movie only got 17 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. He said he learned that Bella Thorne is really hot. He said he didn't know it was Patrick Schwarzenegger until the end of the movie. He said he thinks he used to bang Taylor Swift too. He said she was so taken with him that she bought a house next to his compound. Gary said he thought it was Miley Cyrus. Howard said maybe it was both of them.
Howard said this Patrick has it going on. He said he wonders if he got Bella Thorne too. He said he went on her web page and in her real life she walks around with nose rings and stuff. He said he likes her as a wholesome actress. He said he's not into the armpit hair. He said that she was wearing a bathing suit with her asshole just about hanging out.
Howard said Bella and her crew were kicked out of a hotel for smoking weed. He said she used to be on Disney and now she's rebelling. He said she's a singer too. He said she's got some album out. Robin said they should get that. Howard said she's on his penis radar now. He said he liked her in that movie.
Howard said the Kennedy family all fucked. He talked about how many women that family got. He did his Kennedy voice for a short time too.
Howard said this Patrick Schwarzenegger was a good looking kid. He said that he's the great, great grandson of Joe Kennedy. He said they have a long line of fuckers. He said that JFK was a guy who fucked all kinds of women. Robin said that he had no fear. He would fuck Mafia girlfriends. Howard stayed in his Kennedy voice and talked about all of the women that he was getting.
Howard said the Tony awards are so boring. He said he tried to watch. Robin said she did too. She had to bail too. Howard said he watched celebrity Family Feud with the Kardashians. He said they had Kanye West and the Kardashians playing. Robin said they have completely broken Kanye. Howard said he was very good on Family Feud. He said he loves Steve Harvey too. He said he was getting too excited about having them on the show though. He said he doesn't usually do too much shtick though.
Howard said they asked why Steve Harvey is good in bed and someone set him off saying that he has a sexy bald head. Howard said Kanye was very sedated. He said he said he and Kim love the show and they wanted to do the thing at the end where they have to match to win money for a charity. Howard said they didn't have Caitlyn on the show but Kendall was on. He said he likes her.
Howard said the family let Kim and Kanye do the final fast money thing on the show. Howard said they broke the rules to do that but they got to do that thing. Howard said the questions they had were ''questions for retards... sorry, slow adults.'' He said he's still getting used to that.
Howard said the Tonys were really bad. He said that they have each musical doing a song. He said that they have made a Mean Girls play. He said that's exactly what he goofs on. He said he couldn't stay with it though. He did an impression of them singing the songs about what's going on in the play.
Howard played some audio of that song from Mean Girls. Howard was making fun of it and so was Robin. Howard said he's not sure where that guy belongs other than being locked in a locker. He made up his own version of that song. He played more of the Tonys too. Robin said she had to tune out of the Tonys too and she tuned back into it and they were still singing. Howard said she should have tuned into Family Feud. Robin said she didn't know it was on.
Howard sang more of his own song about not fitting in like the guy in Mean Girls was singing. Fred had some music playing and Howard made it fit. He played more of that performance on the Tonys.
Howard played more of the guy singing at the Tony Awards. He said this is unbelievable. He made up more of his own song. He went back and forth between the audio from the Tony Awards and singing his own thing.
Howard asked if they write down the lyrics or just fuck around. Robin said they must write it down so they can do the same thing every night. Howard went back into his own song and made it up as he went along.
Robin said she was watching Tina Fey talking about how fathers want to watch this show. Howard said he kept going back to the Family Feud. He said he likes to look at Kendall Jenner. He said it looked like she had pasties on her tits. He said he thinks that's what he was seeing. He said she had a jacket on that was low and it just gave you a taste of tittie.
Howard said they had another song from the play ''SpongeBob SquarePants.'' He played some of that and said he thinks that's the same guy who sang the other song. He said he just runs back and forth between the two plays. Howard asked who is writing this stuff. Robin said no one. She said she thinks they're just making it up. Howard made up his own SpongeBob song too. Howard had SpongeBob singing about absorbing jizz and things like that.
Howard asked if Ronnie wrote this song with that grammar. Robin said maybe Ronnie and JD wrote it. Howard played more of the song and goofed on it.
Robin asked if they really want people to go to the show after hearing that song. Howard said apparently so. Howard made up more of his song and asked if dads really want to see this. Robin said that was the Mean Girls show that she was talking about. Howard played more of the song and goofed on it by making up his own. Howard said Broadway used to be great. He said they're fucking it all up.
Howard played a Broadway musical like song about Ronnie. He also played one about Benjy and how he wants to come back in the studio. There was also one about Gary eating shrimp and one about Bobo calling into the show. Howard had a Hit 'em with the Hein song parody too. They went to break a short time later. As they were going to break they played a recording session with Crackhead Bob.
Howard came back and said that Alec Baldwin is there. He said that he's hosting anew season of Alec and he's in the new Mission Impossible: Fallout. He said he thinks he's taking care of himself. He asked if he is. He told Alec to put his penis away. Howard asked if he has ever been nude in a movie or theater. Alec laughed. He said he kept thinking that was the first thing they were going to talk about. Howard said he would never be fully nude. Alec said no. Howard asked f he would do it in a play or a show. Alec said he has been in movie scenes where he wasn't showing anything but he was naked. Howard said he was naked in some movie he saw. Alec said he did a movie with Anne Heche where he had to have sex with her and then kill her. He said he did a play with her on Broadway and she was phenomenal in that.
Howard asked how that works. He asked if you have to get so angry in a play to kill someone. Howard asked if you have to be convincing and have to find a murderous rage. Alec said no. He said there are a lot of things you want to live but not that. Alec said you don't want to go out and choke anyone. He said Robert De Niro is doing those mellow movies now. Howard asked if he watched the Tony Awards. Alec said he didn't. Howard said Robert De Niro got up and said ''fuck Trump.'' Alec said he's fine with that. He said that either side of the issue is fine. He said they're in a world of non stop commentary now.
Howard said Alec said that Roseanne shouldn't have been fired. He said they should have given her another season and addressed this racism thing on her show. Alec said he thinks that if they continue the show without her they might be able to keep it going but that's a large hole to fill. He said she has legions of people who follow her and think she's funny. He said it's tough for the networks. He said they all have leaders who must be terrified about social media. He said ABC isn't doing great. He said NBC is on top and ABC isn't doing that well. He said they're upset about losing a bunch of shows. He said they were going to make money with Roseanne and they lost that show. Howard said they were going to have a show that was already a hit. Alec said then the star of the show goes and does this thing they were most worried about. He said it's tough to tell what the right thing is. He said if you leave her on you get crucified. He said if they take her off they get crucified. Alec said what they should have done was bring it up on the show and they keep it in the show that way. He said they could have her screaming at people in a Starbucks or something like that. Howard said they could have Cosby back too then. Alec said that won't happen.
Howard said he was talking to a TV executive who said that it used to be drugs that did in celebrities. He said now it's Twitter. He said it eliminates careers in a minute. Alec said it can. He said that the mistake that people are making is that you don't have conversations. Alec said he had a thing with Anthony Bourdain on Twitter. He said he responded to that. He said the biggest mistake you can make in the business now is to respond to people and defend yourself. He said you end up reading your resume to them. He said everything is of the moment. He said once you defend yourself you're in the quicksand. He said that people are very impulsive.
Alec said he will do his contractually obligated stuff on social media. He said he won't get into the other stuff on there.
Howard said Alec got into it with Anthony Bourdain and his girlfriend. Alec said he said it was a tragedy after it happened. He said that he seemed like a very interesting guy to him. He said the other people he gets into it with he would never feel that way about. He said when he heard Bourdain died he was very upset. Alec said that this guy was famous and successful and he must have made a good living. He said he won a lot of things and he had a cause. He said he was involved in this cause and he had a girlfriend and a child too. He said he had it all. He said that he had this thing where he was getting into it over his friends. He said that he was saying that he wanted people to have due process in this whole #MeToo thing. He said Anthony attacked him over that. He said that we have to have grades. Howard said one of Mia Farrow's kids said that Woody was innocent. Alec said that's a very complicated issue. He said he knows that he was examined by two child services. He said that is a whole conversation. He said he's sure that other things will come out. He said that Ronan Farrow continue to want to prosecute him over this stuff.
Howard asked if he has ever thanked him for backing him. Alec said his people have. He said that he has heard from some people about that.
Alec said that he said something back to Anthony Bourdain and you get sucked down to their level. Howard asked if it's like a fist fight in the school yard. Alec said he's learned that you can't respond. He said people say the most hateful and corrosive stuff to him on Twitter. He said he'll read some of the stuff that people respond with and people have that cloak of anonymity.
Howard asked if he ever thinks about not sharing on social media. Alec said it's a tsunami of opinion and all of that. Alec said he has 4 kids and he can't get into that. Howard said he must be exhausted. Alec said he thinks about going to Howard's house all the time and he wouldn't even know he was there. He said it's like the Jewish Grey Gardens.
Howard said he has a theory about Alec. He said that he has an older daughter and he has a wife who is always in shape. He said that she's already wearing high heels or fuck me pumps. Alec said please don't say fuck me. Howard said he heard she wants another kid. He said that maybe he's trying to show what he and Kim Bassinger should have had. Howard said he and his brothers have history repeating itself. Howard said he has all of these kids and he had that as a kid. Alec said his wife Hilaria is this very unique person and she's very healthy emotionally. He said that he's doing his thing and someone will get in his way and he'll flip out. He said his wife will come in and ask what good it is to get upset. He said she's so reasonable that it's exhausting.
Howard asked if he's able to take a nap. He said it must be like a zoo over there. Alec said they have a helper over there but his wife will go out and come back and he disappears. He said the kids will pay attention to him until she comes in. Howard said he can't see how he has the time for these kids. Alec said if he's not filming something he's with the kids. He said he goes out to do Match Game and things like that. He said he does that in 6 days. He said they do 18 episodes in 6 days. Howard asked if it's a long day. Alec said it is. He said that they have a lot of great people come to do the show. He said that they had people come and they were phenomenal.
Howard asked if he's shocked that Match Game is doing well in prime time. He said he used to watch it in the afternoon. He said that's when he thought it would work. Howard said Gene Rayburn was like his father. He said they had real fun doing that show. He said he always thought it was a daytime show. He said now it's prime time. Alec said that they have the morning group come in and it's not so much drinking but as the day goes on the drinking goes on. He said they do a 2 and 5 o'clock and by 2 they're all happy.
Howard asked if there is a lesson Alec Baldwin can teach them. He said people who are actors should not marry actors. He said he sees that Alec is happy with his wife. Alec said his wife could be an actress. He said she's a very unique person. Howard said he was married to a beautiful actress and it seems like they were at the top of their game. Alec said that he talks about it like it was a good time back then. Howard said he knows it wasn't. He said actors need a lot of attention. He said it seems like a recipe for disaster. He said the movie set is very seductive. Alec said that you know what you're doing on the set and it's the same importance to the other person. He said there is a lot of separation. He said he loves his wife and kids and he's obsessed with the kids. He said they all hang out in the morning and then he goes to work. He said he tries to make it so he works later in the day.
Howard said Alec and Stephen don't see eye to eye politically. He said that hey don't seem to communicate much. Alec said not a lot. Howard asked how you avoid that. He said that things go to shit. Alec said there is a kind of a Mason Dixon line in this country over a lot of things. He said Trump has brought that out in people. He said Stephen is the Trump demographic. He said he wants things very simple. He said it's all simple phrases and things like that. He said he likes that ''Build a wall'' kind of thing. Howard asked if he can be friends with Trump supporters. Alec said he can. He said he has friends who are republicans. He said they seem to feel they have to stick with trump for their party. Howard asked why he can't make things work with his brother. Alec said that his brother is also wrapped in the evangelical Christianity thing. Howard asked if there are arguments when they get together. Alec said that they had a brief argument when the election was going on.
Alec said he's thinking this Trump thing is a one off thing. He said that when they come out of this in 2020 that maybe people will insist on traditional politicians. He said that they have people who have no political background at all who want to run. Howard said people have to prove themselves first.
Howard said Alec plays Trump on Saturday Night Live and he wondered if it's draining to him because he said he's continuing to do it until he's impeached. Howard said Trump wrote to him and called him Alex. He said that he knows his name. Alec said his wife knows his name. He said he's heard that Melania loves the impression. He said he heard that from two very powerful people in Washington. He said they are in there and he heard that she thinks he's got it down. Alec said his wife is on to him more than anyone. He said no one gives it to him like her. He said Melania must know what a maniac Donald is. Howard said Trump is denying the Stormy Daniels thing but there's a pay out there. He said it must be tough for her to go thorough that. Alec said you hope that people are going to be monogamous but the problem is that things were private when they were private citizens. He said that nothing comes out like this when they're private. He said no one cared and no one knew. He said now he's the president and it's out there on a big billboard.
Howard said Donald had a great life. He said he knows the guy. He said he watched all of that and he wondered why he wanted to do this. He said he did hang out with the guy a little bit. Alec said he was a drive by presence. Howard said he came to his wedding and they had great time there. He said he has no problem with him as a guest on his show or as an entertainer. He said the Presidency is a different thing.
Howard said when you wake up in the morning and have the president tweeting you it must be odd. Alec said it is. He said that there is a paternalistic thing with the President. He said you want to believe that they're like your parents and they're decent. He said we only have so many things we can do to read that person. He said when people look at ways to tell if this man or woman is a good person and what they're going to do when there is a crisis. He said that this is a big thing. Howard said George Washington was a good president. He said he wanted to do 2 terms and get out. He said they wanted to make him king and he said no. Alec said you want someone who is going to use that power for good. He said Trump is very abusive with the power.
Howard said there's a lot going on. He said you want to feel safe. Alec said people in this country are very hard working. He said when they're suffering they don't have a job. He said the average American is very hard working and they want to go earn a salary. He said they want to believe that everything else is taken care of. He said they don't want to be watching the government. He said you don't want go be worrying. He said that's all we're doing now. He said he has a theory about this Kim Jong Un thing too. He said he thinks that they'll get this treaty going and you can almost hear Trump telling him to just say he's getting rid of them but don't get rid of them. He said he'll say he's going to tell everyone that they're going to get rid of them. He said then when that goes over he'll fire Mueller. He said he has like 20 plea agreements with people. He said it's going to be a mid term issue. Alec said with Trump in office November of this year is eternity.
Howard asked if he's going to be back in on Saturday Night Live or not next season. Alec said if he does another show in the fall he won't be able to do that. He said that he's not sure he could do that to his family. He said he's already losing that time with his family.
Howard asked Alec about doing this talk show thing. Alec said he's going to do an hour with people and cut them down to two half hours. He said if it's someone like De Niro he'll do a full hour.
Alec said he talked to Jerry Seinfeld and he is so kind and relaxed that it went very well. He said he has never seen anyone who is so relaxed and so happy. He said he did another Comedians in Cars with Jerry too. Howard said Jerry is so happy. He said that he did a Letterman interview thing and he was so relaxed. Alec asked how his Letterman interview went. Howard said it was okay. He said he did it for 2 and a half hours and they cut it down to 50 minutes. Howard said he spoke to Dave for like 2 hours and there's an editor out there chopping his words up. He said he had a lot of angst about what the final product was going to be. He said he was pleased with what they did in the end though.
Howard told Alec about what they talked about and how he talked about psychotherapy and how much that has helped him in his relationship.
Alec said that he has 4 kids and a great wife and this is the project he's working on. Howard said he's going to be old and have all of these kids. Alec said he's going to be in a wheelchair and his wife is 26 years younger than him. He said when she's his age he'll be dead. He said he tries not to think about that. He said that he has never known in his life what love he has for these kids. He said he huffs his kids when he's around them. He said he takes them and breathes them in.
Howard asked who is teaching him how to be a great father. He said he's not sure they had the best role models there. Alec said his dad was a loving drill sergeant. Howard asked how he knows how to be a good father. Alec said life is all of these small things. He said that they will go to Long Island and have their floors sone and then the kids will throw their metal toys on them. He said that his son looks at him like ''You know what's going to happen now...'' and then he throws the toy on the floor. He said his dad would have taken them and thrown them in the fireplace and melted them. Alec said he'll look at his son and say something to him in Spanish. He said he tells him not to throw the toys. He said that he only knows six phrases in Spanish and they're all about not throwing stuff. He said his wife will tell him not to do that to him. He said he's so intense when he does it.
Howard said he calms down with the Paparazzi now. Alec said that's his wife again. He said that it's very important that it's not the people who are far away. He said they'll come up to you right in your face. He said that he never had a tussle that was unprovoked. Howard said he's charming and quiet about it now.
Howard asked Alec about this new Mission Impossible. Alec said it's number 6. Howard said it's coming out on July 27th. Alec said he thinks it's going to be the film of the summer. He said Tom Cruise and Christopher McQuarrie made these great films together. He said he called to ask if he was in this new one and they were writing it. He said he found out they took one script and just threw it all out. Alec said Tom does his own stunts and he broke a leg doing that. He said Tom isn't a young kid now. He said he doesn't hang out with Tom but he is very kind to him when they're on the set. He said they go to dinner after the film but only once. He said Tom will go to the gym or something after the movie is wrapped. He said he's going to work after the wrap.
Howard said they can fuck these movies up. Alec said this one will succeed. He said he thinks this one may be better than the last one.
Howard asked if he has gone to a premiere and he sees a movie that was just fucked up after it was done. Alec said he doesn't even think about it. He said he did a movie called Motherless Brooklyn. He said that Ed Norton directed it. He said he hadn't directed anything since Leap Of Faith or something like that. He said that he was honored to be asked to do this movie. He said while he was there shooting it he was enjoying it. He said he doesn't get to make that many serious films anymore. He said he made the most of it. He said he put his phone away and concentrated. He said it was a great movie. He said he hasn't seen it yet though. He said he will go to see it. Howard asked if he'd be upset if it gets fucked up. Alec said he's not worried about that. He said it's a tough business. He told Howard about going in and doing a movie where the director kept asking him to do things a certain way and he just kept doing it the same way. He said there are directors you listen to like Martin Scorsese. He said that you just say yes to that guy. He said maybe De Niro can do it. He said that Bob might think that's fucking stupid and he doesn't want to do it.
Howard said he does a great De Niro when he does that voice. He said he does that thing with his face. Howard said De Niro scares the shit out of him. Alec said he's a sweet guy. He said he's much more on his toes or something. He said he's very anxious in the old movies but now he's like Santa. Howard said when he sees him interviewed he doesn't give the interviewer anything. He said he barely says a word. He said that's being a bit of a shit. Alec said he thinks his idea if not having everything prepped is the way he does things. Howard said he's in the moment. He asked Alec if he gets him for his ABC show and he doesn't talk about anything then he's screwed. Alec said he doesn't think that's possible.
Alec said Howard has interviewed people for decades. He said he's doing this show for ABC because he has done the podcast thing for 6 years now. He said that people want to know things about these people. Alec said the people he's interviewing are people he's interested in. He said that he wants to know stuff about them. He said he's going to try to do something different with this show. Howard said he's surprised ABC is going with it. Alec said they have nothing else.
Howard asked who his dream guests are on the show. Alec said that Obama or George Bush would be. He said that he's not going to be confrontational with them. He said you don't invite someone on the show to be confrontational. Howard said he's not sure why anyone would want to be president. He and Alec were talking about how tough it is to send people off to war.
Howard said that Match Game starts on the 21st of this month. Then Mission Impossible is coming out in July. Alec said that Henry Cavill is built like a stone wall. He said he said to him in a scene they were shooting that he would like him to crouch down because his enormous shoulder is blocking his camera. He said the guy is really built.
Howard said Alec has this talk show coming out in the fall. He said he's busy with that and he also has Motherless Brooklyn. Alec said Eugene Jarecki asked him to do this film and it's a wacky thing. He said he knows all of the Jarecki guys and they asked him to do this film. He said he said no but he bugged him and bugged him. He said that it was a documentary where people ride in Elvis' former car. He said he did that too.
Howard said he's shocked that not more people have come to him about doing movies and shows. Alec said Netflix seems to want people who are young and new and won't cost them a lot of money. He said he'd like to do something like that. Howard said how about this guy Kevin Spacey. He asked where these guys go now. Alec said he must have a lot of time to read. Howard said this guy Harvey Weinstein is another one. Alec said he thinks that guy is going to prison. Howard said he thinks so too. Alec said that he was the kind of guy who would make threats and follow through on them. Howard said he had him in the studio and he denied the casting couch thing and said they do know right from wrong.
Alec said the sexual abuse thing is so binary to him. He said you do that they need to be punished. He said he wondered if he had sexually abused anyone in his life other than himself. He said they do need to do something about it but he's also thinking that the equal pay thing is just as important. He said that it's ridiculous that they're not.
Howard asked Alec if he wants him in a movie what does he have to do to get him. Alec said it's not strictly cash. He said it has to be something he hasn't done before and it has to have some value. He said he was doing a movie where the two guys dropped out. He said he would do it if it wasn't going to shoot during the summer. He said he wants to spend time with the kids. He said it has to be something like that for him.
Howard gave Alec some more plugs and talked about his Trump on Saturday Night Live for a short time. Alec said he wants to wait to see what happens with Mueller. He said that he wants to see how that all plays out.
Howard asked if they have a back up plan for Saturday Night Live if he doesn't go back. Alec said he doesn't know. Howard said he knows Trump likes someone who does an impression of him. Alec asked who the fuck cares what Trump likes. He said he's just known for that stupid show The Apprentice. He said that was a steaming pile of shit.
Alec asked Howard what his plans are for the summer. Howard said they're never gone for more than a week or two but they take time off in the summer. Alec said his wife likes staying at the beach for a couple of weeks. Howard said he's the same way. Alec said he could fit his house into Howard's bedroom. Howard said that's not true. He said that he has a nice house too.
Howard said he must be getting paid very well. He asked how many weeks he shot. Alec said a couple of weeks. He said maybe 3 weeks. Howard guessed $700,000 for that work. Alec said how dare you low ball him. Howard said maybe 2 million. Alec said whatever. Howard said it has to be a minimum of 1 million. Alec said that if you're someone who is great and you want him to do something then he'll do it without even looking at the contract. He said he'll do it for the honor for some people. He said Mission Impossible has a budget and they will pay the star the big money. He said that they only have so much for him.
Alec asked if Howard thinks Trump will win again in 2020. Howard said he believes so. He said that's unless he's impeached or something. Alec said that he's not seeing anyone who can beat him coming out. Howard asked where the Kennedy types are. Alec said he can only think of a couple of people who cold beat him. Howard said he tried to get George Stephanopoulos to run. He said his wife would be a great first lady. Alec said whoever runs has to never talk about Trump at all. He said you spend all of your time not talking about Trump. He said every speech you give you don't mention him but talk about what you're going to do. Howard said maybe Michael Bloomberg. Alec said he doesn't think he has the desire to do that anymore. Howard threw out Alec Baldwin. Alec said if he ran he would win. He said he's busy with Match Game though. He said he could definitely win if he ran though.
Howard asked if he has ever asked his brother Stephan how he reconciles the Trump thing when he talks about grabbing a woman's pussy. Alec said he's not sure how that works.
Alec said his wife has said she doesn't want that kind of private life. He said she doesn't want him to run for office. He said he wouldn't make things about himself. He said he's obsessed with his 4 kids and he thinks about employment and infrastructure and things like that. He said he would forgive every student loan over time. He said that he'd eliminated income tax for everyone who works on this floor. Howard said he's got him behind him. He asked if everyone is hearing this. He said look at him.
Howard asked Alec about his hip surgery and what that was like. Alec said the new one is great but now the other side is bothering him. He said he has to have that one done too. He said that if you have bad hips you can get stem cell injections done as long as it's not bone on bone. Howard said he saw that he boxed Garry Shandling. Alec said that they went to a gym and the gym was owned by Bob Dylan. He said they have a little building there and there's a synagogue there. He said you go into this room and there's a full gym that Dylan lets his friends use.
Howard said Garry Shandling wanted to be a boxer and then Alec shows up and beats the shit out of him. Alec said that Garry was in very good shape before he died. He said that he didn't want to argue with people and he thinks about this Anthony Bourdain thing. He said he felt really horrible about Bourdain. He said that really affected him. He said what you realize is that there's this absurdity when you have a disagreement with someone that you've never even met.
Howard said Bourdain's girlfriend was very big in the #MeToo thing and Bourdain had to step in when he said what he did about the movement and now he's involved in all of these write ups about his death.
Howard said they say that suicides are up and this Kate Spade was knocked off the front page. Howard said some 20 year old kid actor died too. Howard wondered how you fight through the strangling thing. Alec said he wouldn't do it that way. He said he'd take something and go out in his car in the garage and turn on some nice music. Howard asked if he has ever had suicidal thoughts. Alec said yes and he wrote about that in his book. He said it was over his custody battle for Ireland. He said that he had planned out how to kill himself. He said he was going to use pills and turn the car on and lay down and take a nap you don't wake up from. He said he's not sure how close he came to doing it. He said that he went to talk to some people who he's close to about it. He said he gets along with his daughter Ireland great too. He said she's 22 years old now and has her own life. Howard asked if he would have left a note. Alec said probably not. Howard said he would like a note from him. Howard asked why he didn't go to a shrink. Alec asked who has the time?
Howard said they have talked for an hour and 10 minutes already. Alec said he loves it. Robin said she'd like to know if he's going to do another Broadway show. Alec said he's not sure. Howard said musicals are so silly. He said he likes a good play with a good story.
Howard told Alec about this movie he saw called ''Midnight Sun'' with Bella Thorne and Patrick Schwarzenegger. Howard said Beth hasn't seen Love Story so he has to get her to see that. Alec said that he has a list for younger people to watch. He told Howard some of those movies like ''In the Heat of the Night'' and movies like that.
Alec said it was tough to sell tickets to the last play he did in 2013. He said that if you're not some big musical it's tough.
Howard asked if he ever includes the movie Biodome in his list of the best movies. Alec said no. He asked Howard what his favorite comedy is. Howard said it has to be a Groucho movie. He said maybe Duck Soup. Alec said he loves Groucho and WC Fields. Howard said Up in Smoke too. He said he loves that movie.
Alec said his favorite is laying at home as a kid and you're sick in bed and your mother gets you ginger ale and crackers. He said they would show a 4:30 movie and those were the movies that became the most indelible. He said he saw ''Inherit the Wind'' a lot. He said he saw ''The Fortune Cookie'' a lot too. He said that was a great one.
Howard said Soupy Sales was the best thing on TV for him. Howard asked if the Addams Family or The Munsters were the best. Alec said they're equals. He said you can't compare the two. Alec and Howard talked about Soupy Sales and how great he was. Howard said that's why he did acid. He asked if Alec ever did it. Alec said he won't say he ever did it. He said he didn't want to lose control so he did coke. He said he could work and function on coke. He said he never thinks about it now though. Howard asked if he misses drinking. Alec said not at all.
Howard said he is one of the few people who could permanently stay sober. He said most people can't do it. Alec said he was never malicious with his drinking. He said the last drink he had was on February 23, 1985. Howard said it must be exciting when he shows up to a meeting. Alec said he speaks at them all the time when he's asked to do that. Alec said that he never wants to go back to drinking. Howard asked if he has sponsored anyone. Alec said sure he has. He said he travels too much so it's tough for him. He said that he had to tell the guy to find someone who was more reliable.
Alec asked if he has a friend he goes way back with. Howard said his friend Lou. He said he's an eye surgeon now. Howard said he's still in touch but not as much as they should be. He said Lou is a guy he would trust. Alec said he's thinking about making a movie about that. He said he'd like to go over that arc of friendship over time. Howard said it always goes wrong when you have fame. He said that a lot of those guys go away. Alec said his wife is his friend now. Howard said she's his friend too. He said he's talking about Alec's wife. Alec said he loves hanging out with his wife. Howard said he looks at pictures of her all the time. He said she's always in yoga outfits.
Alec said Howard is married to a woman who is his friend and lover. He said when he goes home it's like he's not missing anything. He said that they go around the block to go out to dinner. He said they're home by 10 and they pass out. He said his life is his wife and his family.
Howard said imagine if his wife was someone who had to go out every night until 2am. Alec said that would never happen. He said they had a child and she had another one and then she said asked how one more could be bad. He said they had 4 and now he's like ''Enough!'' He said he wants her to have some freedom. Howard asked if he has thought about doing something about it. Alec said he has though about putting his penis on the grill and slamming he top shut.
Alec said he has to go home and take nude photos of his wife now. He said he's 60 now. He said he has 3 sons and his friends tell him that by the time they grow up he won't even know what's going on with them. Howard said imagine how much of his time he spent trying to find the right set up and situation. He said now he's got it down. Alec said he's still trying to sell himself to his wife. He said she's still on the fence. He said every day is groundhog day for him.
Howard said even Alec was rejected. Alec said of course he was. Howard said he wants the truth. He said it would seem to him that he didn't receive a lot of rejection. Howard asked if he had a girlfriend in high school. Alec said he did. Howard said he wants to meet the woman who turned him down. Alec said Elizabeth Taylor. Howard asked who the woman was that rejected his charms. Alec said he was married to his first wife and he met some women who are tough. He said that he knew they were tough cookies. He said that he could just tell that if he wasn't married he wouldn't have been able to get them. Howard gave Alec some more plugs and wrapped up with him. They ended up talking about Henry Cavill again while they were going over the plugs. Howard asked who has the biggest penis out of the Baldwin brothers. Alec said it's probably Daniel. He said he doesn't remember their penises that well. He said it didn't matter to him. Howard said his friend Lou matured very early. He said he was mistaken for a 25 year old when they were still very young. He said he showed his penis to Lou and he said he's sure that it'll happen for him soon.
Howard was going to wrap up again but Alec said he's going to be looping a movie today. He said it's a movie where he plays John Delorean. He said that's going to be another good one. Alec said he has to take Howard out to dinner this summer. He said they don't have to go to his house. He said they'll go to dinner and he will pay. He said he always insists on paying. Alec said he loves taking people out to dinner. Howard said he has a lot of questions for him when they go to dinner.
Howard gave Alec his plugs and wrapped up again. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he thinks it's time for news for sure. Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody. Howard said it's weird how they go from Alec Baldwin to this. He said they went from Ronnie talking about cunt to Alec and then to Robin and songs about her boobs.
Robin started her news with a story about how IHOP is becoming IHOB. It's changing but now they're saying it's temporary and the B stands for burgers. Howard said it's very stupid to change the name from IHOP. Howard said he read in the paper that Applebees is going to try out ordering and setting a table for you before you show up. Robin said McDonald's is going to have self serve so you can go to a kiosk to order your own food. Howard said that means you still have to go there. Howard said when he and his wife go out they will show up and he wishes that the food was already there. He said he wants to order right away when he gets there. He said he and his wife are in and out in 40 minutes. He said he wants to get in, order and eat. Robin said the app might have the full menu. She asked if Howard would go to Applebees. Howard said he's thinking about it. He said he'd like every restaurant to be like that. He said his wife always asks him why they eat in a half hour. He said that's the way he likes it. He said he sees his visit as a bank robbery. He said that he hates going with other people because he doesn't want to sit in that chair. He said he wants to go home. Robin said you have conversation in the chair. Robin said that's what they're hoping for at least.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he watched the Memet vs. Brent IQ test on the app. Howard said that's great but the King of All Blacks fashion show was so great. He said King came off really well in that. Robin asked how that happened. The caller said he hates when he calls the show but that was interesting. Howard said he thought that whole thing was great. Howard said he hasn't seen the Memet and Brent thing yet. He said even when he's sitting there he misses so much. He said he has to go back and watch. the caller said he really likes Memet. He said he knows he's not in the majority. Howard said they have a lot to put out and they are trying to get it out there as fast as they can.
Howard said they're eventually going to have everything you can imagine on there. He said you can watch celebrity interviews or whatever. He said have fun with it. He said you can watch whatever you want to.
Robin read a story about how Sonic has come out with a pickle flavor drink. Howard said he would throw up from that. Robin said that's the fast food news. Howard said that sounds gross. Robin said it might just be a summer thing. Howard said that sounds like one step above shit flavor. He said pickle juice is intense. He said he doesn't even like pickles on his hamburger. Robin said in diners they give you the pickle on the side. Howard said he's fine with that. Robin said it's on the side making your French fries soggy. Howard said he's not sure why they put them on burgers. He said he hates that.
Robin read a story about a woman in Memphis, Tennessee transporting her kids in pet kennels. Robin said you can't do that. Howard said he used to transport his grandma in them. Robin said temperatures reached 96 degrees where the kennels were in this woman's car. Robin said that they say don't put your child on one of those riding mowers either. Robin said that's not where a 2 year old is meant to be. Robin said a 2 year old fell off his grandfather's riding mower and got run over. Fred played a Jackie the Joke Man laugh when Robin finished that sentence. Howard asked how people don't know this is wrong. He asked who these people are. Robin said the child's father thinks the grandfather has learned a lesson from this. Howard did a live commercial read and took a break after that.
After the break they came right back and Robin read a story about Anthony Bourdain committing suicide this weekend. Robin said he has written several books and had his own TV shows about food. Howard asked if she saw his show. Robin said she had seen some of his stuff over the years. Robin said she saw him once on a plane. She said the guy who discovered him actually cooked for them at a restaurant they ate at once. Robin said that Howard was there too. Howard remembered that dinner. Robin said that guy is the guy who found Anthony Bourdain. Howard said he's not sure how that guy wasn't on his radar. Robin said he asked about him over the years and it just never got through to him. Robin read about the people paying tribute to Bourdain. She had some audio for Howard to play. Howard mentioned that Jeff the Drunk tweeted about suicide and said it's never the answer so get help.
Robin read a story about the suicide rate going up and how celebrity suicides can lead to more people killing themselves. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about David Spade being on stage this weekend and he's the brother in law of Kate Spade. Robin said he was trying to generate a light hearted vibe around his act. Howard said who knows how to handle this stuff. He said it's such an awkward thing. He said everyone is so judgmental. Robin said he didn't get any negativity about that. Robin said he was saying that he had a rough week and he should get a pass if his jokes didn't go over well. Howard said he was gearing up for a fight but he would be fighting with no one over that.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if he would ever be a supporting character on Saturday Night Live. Howard asked what he means. Apples said maybe a skit where he was George Washington or something. Howard said he thinks they approached him a couple of years ago and it didn't appeal to him so he said no. He said that's a pretty good story but he won't go into it. He said if he was comfortable with it he might do it. Apples asked if his agent would even give that to him. Howard said probably not.
Robin mentioned Howard's Bill Clinton impression last week. Howard said he got an avalanche of email about his Bill Clinton. Fred played a bunch of crashing things as the avalanche sound. Howard read through some of those emails. Howard said Mandy Moore got a lot of email and so did King of All Blacks fashion show segment. He read some of the mail about all of that. Howard said apparently King of All Blacks can be entertaining. He asked if he really just said that. Howard said the app is a big hit.
Robin read a story about Vince Vaughn being arrested for DUI over the weekend. Robin said they say he tried to resist arrest. Robin said he was pulled over and didn't cooperate with police officers. Robin said he had a passenger in the car and he was giving the cops a tough time too. Robin said that sometimes people don't know when they're that inebriated. She said Ronnie didn't know he was blowing out his voice. Howard said he loves that 68 year old Ronnie doesn't know when he's yelling too loud for too long. Fred played Ronnie yelling out ''Sixty nine!'' Howard asked Robin to yell that as loud as she can. Robin said she doesn't want to hurt her voice. Howard said it loud but he can't get that loud. Fred said he can't even do it. He did his Ronnie impression for Howard a bit.
Robin read a story about the Kim Jong Un meeting that President Trump is having. Robin had some details about that. Robin said it's all very unpredictable with those two.
Robin read about the G7 summit and how that all went wrong with Trump and how he was saying that Canada is not our friend. Robin said he was calling out Trudeau about their trade policy. Robin said he's claiming that they back stabbed him on that. Howard said Trump said that Kim Jong Un is a man of honor. He said that guy has had his own family members killed. He said you have to be careful saying stuff like that.
Robin read about how George Soros is saying that Trump is willing to destroy the world and he's a narcissist who is power hungry. Robin said she thinks that Trump is looking for a big win somewhere to nullify the bad press he's getting in other places.
Robin read some details about the Tony Awards and who won big. Robin had some details about the hosts of the show too. Howard said he had no idea who they were. Robin asked if he knows who hosted last year. Howard took some guesses but he didn't get it right. Robin said it was Kevin Spacey. Howard said you can't even find him now. He said he's in hiding. Howard wondered what he's up to now. He wondered if he can even leave the house. Robin had some clips for Howard to play from the Tony Awards. Howard said he had it DVR'd so he could fast forward right through this stuff. Robin had a few clips of people receiving their awards.
Howard said Chris Wilding claimed that he was in a movie with Kevin Spacey. Howard said you'd think that he'd be Kevin's type. Howard had Chris come in to talk about that. Chris said he didn't do shit. He said he found him very charming and funny. He said he was kind of insulted. He said he saw him sitting on the sideline reading the script and he did nothing. He said the stand ins were young, hot dudes. Howard said maybe that's why he ignored him.
Howard said he heard Chris had a wild weekend. He said he heard he got blown by an Asian guy on Friday. He said he posts that stuff and tells everyone about it. Chris said it was incredible. Howard said they like to watch the new SiriusXM app an have sex to it. Chris said this guy is super into the show. He said they put on the conclave show and he blew him while that was on. He said it was weird but fun. Chris said that he got an email asking if he had watched the Letterman interview yet. He said no and he asked him to save that until he's over.
Howard said he got a lot of email about the Letterman interview. Robin asked if he got her text about that. Howard asked if he can read it out loud. Robin said he can. Howard found it and read what her comments were. She said it's the best interview he's ever done. Howard said she said he was very open and vulnerable too. Howard thanked her for that. Howard said he didn't see that. He said he was very busy.
Chris said he might have a threesome coming up. He said this guy contacted him and said he and his boyfriend want to do something. Howard asked if he's using protection. Chris said he is. Howard asked if he's blowing guys and swallowing. Chris said he is. Howard said he has to be careful. He said he could get herpes or some other bad shit. Chris said he tries to sniff it out. Howard thanked him and let him go a short time later.
Robin read a story about Bruce Springsteen getting a special award at the Tony Awards. Robin had some audio of him accepting his award. Robin had some audio of Robert De Niro saying F-Trump to the president. Howard said he has the unedited version from the Australian feed for the Tonys. Howard said they cut it out on CBS. He played that audio too.
Robin read a story about a FOX News commentator calling Trump a dictator. Robin had some audio of her doing that. Robin said that she had to apologize for saying that. Robin had audio of her apologizing too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read some tennis news. Howard said he doesn't watch tennis. Robin said hey have some of the greatest tennis players of all time and Howard isn't watching. Howard said he watched the final basketball game but that was a blow out.
Robin read a story about the movie ''Ocean's 8'' being number 1 at the box office this weekend. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:40am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was laying in bed last night and suddenly remembered that the U2 concert was going on at the Apollo theater. He wished he could be there. He said he wished he wasn't such a baby.
Howard had the woman, Amy, who won the tickets on the phone. Amy said it was amazing. Howard said she won playing the Asian Pete game. He said she did very well. Howard said JD was playing a clip where U2 gave him a shout out during ''Vertigo.'' Howard asked Amy if she heard the shout out. Amy said she missed it. She said she's flabbergasted. Howard said you can hear it loud and clear in the clip but maybe in the crowd it wasn't so easy to hear.
Amy said she was in the orchestra area with a bunch of fat necked weirdos there. Howard told her not to talk like that about Sirius management. Howard let Amy go a short time later.
Howard said the band performed in a very small setting. He said they usually play in big stadiums. He said they did a 4 hour sound check before doing the concert. He said they put on a great show. He said the show will air on Howard 101 on Wednesday at 5pm eastern. Fred played the air horn from the Puerto Rican Day Parade that they played yesterday. Howard said that's the sound of happiness. Robin said the only thing worse than that is the Vuvuzela. She said that's awful. Howard didn't know what that was.
Howard said that any fans who want to come down there and hang with them they have an online auction going for Bianca's Furry Friends. He said if you want to make a donation and sit in the studio for an hour or so go to AnimalLeague.org/Howard.
Howard said that's the only auction they're going to do. He said they used to do like 20 a month. He said he didn't know how to say no to anyone. He said he can't say no to his wife so that's why he's still doing that. He said the look of disappointment on her face when he says they don't do that anymore is heart breaking.
Howard said that he's going to take some calls. He said that Billy Corgan is coming in today. He said he's going to do one old song and one new song. He said he's the creator of The Smashing Pumpkins. He said that the rest of the crew will be with him too. He said that all of the guys are coming in and it's the first time in a long time they've been together. He said the new song is pretty good too. He said he's not sure why he's not in the rock & roll hall of fame. He said he will not induct him if he is inducted though. He said he's never going to that hall of fame again.
Howard said he isn't doing any shows either. Robin said she liked how Alec Baldwin was asking him to do his ABC show. Howard said rehandled that and he won't be doing it. Howard said he isn't doing any shows ever. He said that with peace and love. He said he could listen to that Ringo Starr message every day. He played the ''peace and love'' message about how he's not signing things for fans anymore.
Howard said he's sure that Ringo still gets a ton of stuff to sign. He said no one listens to that message. Gary said Ringo paints and he sells stuff. Howard asked if it's any good. Gary said it's okay. He said all of the stuff he paints goes to charity. Howard said most celebrity painters aren't that good. He said he saw the Bob Dylan paintings and he should be embarrassed. He said people are paying like 90,000 for a painting. He said that a child would laugh at his paintings. He said they're kindergarten stuff.
Robin said that when you are an artist then anything you do is art. That's what Yoko Ono says. Howard said that's just not the case.
Gary said Ringo does the paintings and he signs them ''Ringo.'' He said that sometimes you get to hang with Ringo if you buy something. Gary said he asked if he could get him to sign it ''Peace and Love'' and his friend said there was no way he would do that. Gary said he would buy that. He said that's what he'd like. Howard said there's no reason to have that though. Gary said he says it all the time though.
Howard said he has bought art online. He said he's been to some auctions. He said he's into the 1800s paintings. He said that he can get some stuff fairly cheap too. He said he likes watercolors. He said his apartment is sunny and he can't put them up in there. He said they'll fade if you put them in the sun. He said his stuff is all covered. He said the other day he got a hammer out to put them up. He said he was sitting there in the dark after putting up room darkening shades so the apartment was dark. He said the sun was burning past the slits in the sides of the shades.
Howard said he did this decorating thing and it looked good but now he has to take them all down. Robin said you can put a film on the window. Howard said he has that. He has museum glass on the paintings too. He said he can't leave them in the light. Robin said she thought the film would filter the light.
Howard said even art collecting has become a nightmare for him. He said he hates it. Robin said he has problems with anything. Howard said he's not sure how to handle this. Robin said he could hang them in another area. Gary asked if he can hang them with ultraviolet glass. Howard said he's done that. He said he was told not to put them in direct sunlight even with the special glass.
Howard said he got a note saying that Pierce Brosnan painted a picture of Bob Dylan and sold it for 1.4 million at auction. Howard said he's not sure what's going on. He said some of these people aren't artists. He said Beth tells him to paint something for charity but he doesn't want to do that.
Robin said someone wrote to her asking if he wanted to auction some of his paintings for charity. She said she didn't even ask Howard. Howard said he won't do it. Robin said it ruins art. Robin said there are artists whose whole lives are making art.
Howard said he went to a house and this guy had some paintings up and some of them were famous artists. Then he saw a very simple painting and it turned out to be Paul McCartney. He said it was kind of cool but he just gave it to them. He didn't sell it to them.
Gary said Howard is very private about his paintings but what did he think when Letterman showed his painting. Howard said he was embarrassed. He said any real painter wouldn't think it was that good. He said he could do better. He did that one a couple of years ago.
Howard said that some of these masters have painted the same scenario over and over again. He said he's not sure why anyone cares. Robin said they try to make it work. Howard said his art is like his face, it's not for the public. Robin said that's terrible. Howard said he should live in darkness.
The caller was getting coffee at a McDonald's so Howard asked him to get him an Egg McMuffin and bring it up there. The guy said he was in Michigan. Howard said Michigan is such a great place. He said he liked it there when he was in Detroit. He said that people don't realize that. He said especially the people who are in New York and L.A. He said in Michigan there's a bit of a second city attitude. He said people there are friendlier there. He said that they get together to have parties and stuff and there's really nothing else to do there. Howard asked if the caller likes it there. The caller, Doug, said he does. He told Howard how great the lake shore is. He said that it's a great place to live.
Howard said he never wants to go back but it was a nice place. He said that he enjoyed it when he lived there. He said he liked living in Hartford too. Robin said she loved Washington. Howard said he did too. He said that the Roy Rogers there was superior to the ones in New York. He said he loved Washington DC so much. He said that it was a much simpler life. He said that the radio station wasn't so great though. He said he wasn't able to make a living there. He said that you have to live in New York or Los Angeles to make a good living.
Howard said he was watching TV with this Kim Jong Un and he wanted to throw up. Robin said wait a minute. She said this is what you have to do in order to bring peace. Robin said he was saying nice things about this guy but that's what you have to do to bring peace. Howard said if they starved this guy by ostracizing him and keeping him off the world stage that's how you get rid of the guy. He said he guarantees that he knows how to read the room. Robin said we've got to take these chances. Howard said don't be fooled.
Howard said Ivanka Trump is there to comment on the summit. Howard had fake Ivanka come in to talk about that. Howard said last time she was on he got tons of email about how her voice was driving everyone nuts. Ivanka said she knows that Robin can't take her eyes off her breasts. Howard said Fred is over there jerking off so don't look to the side.
Howard asked Ivanka some questions about her father. He said they wrapped things up in Singapore. Fake Ivanka was talking about how Singapore is in China which isn't in Japan. She was talking about their ''scribble language'' and things like that. Ivanka said that she was in some country where the kids sew her dresses and they dove for stuff they threw on the floor.
Howard said a lot of people are talking about a lack of preparation on her father's part. Ivanka said she and her father studied conversational Korean. She told Howard how that goes. She said to say hello she said you say ''herro.'' she told Howard some of the other terms they learned. She said to say ''I love you'' you say ''I rove you rong time.'' Ivanka said you have to laugh differently there too. She demonstrated that for Howard too.
Howard asked if Donald was prepared for this summit. Ivanka said he's the ultimate deal maker. Howard said they say that Trump could win the Nobel Peace Prize for this.
Ivanka took a call from her dad and she was telling him what she was wearing. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said Fred is on his third load after that good looking girl. He said that he likes when she appears. He said he should take a quick break and come right back.
Howard played a clip of Dennis talking about how he went there 5 years ago. He said Kim Jong Un asked him to tell the president some stuff and when he got back Obama didn't give him the time of day. He said he kept going back and he told everyone the door will open. Dennis said this is amazing. He said when he said those things he got so many threats over what he did. He said that he couldn't even go home after that for 30 days.
Howard said Robin went out on a date with that guy. He said Carmen Electra actually married him. Howard said Gary Busey is going to negotiate peace with ISIS. Robin said that they need whackos to negotiate like that.
Howard played more of Rodman getting emotional about the whole thing. He was saying today is a great day for everyone.
Howard said Cuomo asked Rodman about Kim Jong Un not being that great a guy. Rodman said he's not a politician and he is a good friend to him so that's what he sees. He said he'd like to just talk to each other friendly. He said he doesn't worry about the war stuff. He said he'd like to bring that connection to North Korea. He said he's out of it. Robin said he sure is out of it.
Howard said that Rodman was making a speech like he was winning an award. Howard played that clip and Dennis thanked a bunch of people for standing by him. He thanked his manager and someone named Vo or Bo. Howard played more of that clip and Rodman was thanking a ton of people. Howard went through the names again since Rodman was rambling them off really fast.
Howard said he thought Rodman said ''popcorn'' but it was PotCoin. He said it's some kind of banking solution for paying for marijuana. He said it's a way to get around making money off of marijuana sales since it's illegal to do that.
Howard said that Bobo was all charged up about the Trump and Kim Jong Un thing. He said he saw he was on the phone yesterday. He said he didn't get to him so he was leaving endless voicemails. Howard said he's all confused and he doesn't know what the G7 Summit is. He said he was all confused. Howard played a clip of Bobo talking about the G7 Summit and getting that confused with the Kim Jong Un summit. Bobo was talking about North and South Korea and how the north latitude and south latitude haven't had peace in like 70 years. Howard said Bobo treats the voicemail like his own personal podcast. Bobo said Trump is doing his job and the democrats had better wake up. He said Trump is the great negotiator and that's what this is all about. He said he's very well versed in all of this. Robin said they should have him in as their political analyst. Howard said he is going to have Medicated Pete in to talk about some stuff like that.
Howard played another clip of Bobo talking about Kimberly Guilfoyle. He didn't get her name right. He was also talking about how hot she is and explaining what she was wearing yesterday. Howard said it's gross to hear tat. He said she'd wear a bag on her head if she knew Bobo was thinking like this. Howard did his Bobo impression like he was Elmer Fudd.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that Kimberly is so hot. Howard said she'll never wear a skirt again after hearing this. He said she knows where her bread is buttered. Howard said Bobo was busy looking up her dress. Bobo said that FOX News' ratings are going to go through the roof with her wearing that. Howard and Fred did their Bobo impressions for a short time.
Howard asked Bobo to say her name again. Bobo said ''Kimberly Gofoil.'' Howard laughed. Fred said it was Bobo saying ''Kimberly Gofish.'' Howard did his impression of Bobo saying her name too. He and Fred were making up the wrong last name for her with a bunch of different names. Howard played a Bobo song parody after that.
Howard thanked Bobo for the call but Bobo said he was on the news. Howard said he has too much other shit to get to today. He said he knows about that though. Bobo said Trump should get the ''Nobu peace prize.'' Howard and Fred goofed on him about that. Howard said he thinks Dennis Rodman deserves it. Howard said he'd like to nominate ''Pwesident Twump'' for the Nobu peace prize. Howard and Fred were still goofing on Bobo's mispronunciation.
Howard let Bobo go and took another call from a guy who said he's killing it lately. He said he's never heard him this funny in his life. Howard said he's finally getting funny. He said he told people back in the 80s that if they give him 30 years he'll finally get funny.
The caller asked about doing a summit with Lee King Snatch. He did his impression of that but Howard told the guy to let him handle the funny.
Howard said he never did play the U2 shout out from last night. He said he'll take a break and then get to that. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said U2 had their big concert last night. He said he wasn't able to go because he takes his job very seriously. He said the concert was over by 10 though. He said that Gary said he could have gone but he didn't go because he didn't think it would be over by 10. Howard said Gary was telling him this long story and he had to cut him off. He said he thinks he was trying to say that he should have gone but he was afraid to because he'd goof on him for not taking his work seriously.
Howard read about some of the people who were there last night. He said a bunch of big stars were there. He said that it was quite exclusive. Howard said he wasn't able to go because he had to sleep so he could be sharp for his game.
Howard said he got a shout out from Bono during the song ''Vertigo.'' Howard played the clip and Bono mentioned his name in the middle of the song. He said something like ''I see you Howard Stern.'' Howard said they put in 4 hours on their sound check. He said they'll have the entire concert on Howard 101 tomorrow at 5pm.
Robin asked what he said before his name. Howard said he thinks he said ''This is for you Howard Stern.'' Robin said it sounded like ''I see you.''
Howard said U2 also dedicated a song to Anthony Bourdain. He said he's embarrassed he didn't know anything about the guy. Robin said they have said his name to him on the show a bunch of times. Robin asked if it bothers him that he's not listening. Howard said he can only retain so much from a 4 hour show every day. He said that he only retains what he has to.
Howard played more of the ''Vertigo'' performance. Robin said she mentioned Giada De Laurentiis on the show once and Howard didn't even know that she had been at his house.
Howard said he bets Fred was upset he wasn't able to go to the concert. Fred said his wife went and enjoyed herself immensely. Howard said Fred is the big fan but his wife went. Fred said they're both happy. He said his wife took a friend. Howard said his wife was hosting a charity thing last night or she would have gone too. Howard said he's glad she didn't go because he'd be upset about that.
Howard said he kind of needs all of his energy for this show. He said he can't go. Fred said his wife said that Bono was looking at her. Howard asked if she really said that. Fred said she did. Howard asked if she had her titties out. Fred said if she did then Bono was looking at her. Howard said his wife had her titties out last night.
Howard said Fred told him to ask Sirius to move the concert to the afternoon. Howard said he thought he was serious about that. Fred said he was just joking. Howard said he just heard his name in the song. He said no wonder people missed it. Howard thanked Bono for the shout out.
Howard said Wendy's acting is very convincing. He said she sounds like a retarded Meryl Streep. Howard said that they called Bobo next. Howard said they know who Bobo is. Howard said he probably said yes to her. Robin said he'd put her in his shrine. Howard asked what Robin thinks he's going to say. Robin said she's going to say he is more compassionate. Robin said she'll say yes. Howard said they live within an hour of one another too. Howard played Wendy's call to Bobo. Bobo ended up telling Wendy that he can't do that. He said she can't stay there. He said he's sorry but good luck. Howard said suddenly he doesn't sound so stupid. Howard said he has to learn to do what they do. He said he has to just hang up on them.
Howard said everyone so far has said ''I would but I won't.'' He said next up is Elephant Boy. He said Wendy called Elephant Boy and he has been known to do some crazy things. He said he has shit his pants. Robin said he also has a lot in common with Wendy. Howard asked Robin what she thinks he's going to say. Robin said she thinks he's going to say no as well. Howard asked if she's sure. Robin said she is. Howard played the clip and when Wendy asked if Elephant Boy will take her in he said that he has a small place and he has only one bed and he's not sharing it with nobody. He told her to take care of herself and hung up.
Robin thanked him for being obnoxious too. Howard said no one is looking to share his bed. He said she does take up a lot of space too. He said all of these guys are so cold.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk was up next. He asked Robin what Jeff is going to say to her. Robin said he should say yes. Howard said Jeff is the one guy who should say yes. He said he has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Robin said she's going to say that he says no as well. Howard said some people do say yes. Robin said she's saying he says no. Howard played the clip and Jeff told Wendy he doesn't think so when she asked if she can stay there. Jeff just turned her right down.
Howard said Robin is doing better now. He said that Robin got that one right. Howard said Wendy could be Jeff's other arm if he took her in.
Howard said they called High Pitch Erik next. Robin said that she's going to say that Erik says yes. Howard played the clip and when Wendy asked to stay at his place Erik said that she was very mean to him on the show. He said he's not going to help her. He hung up on her after washing her good luck.
Howard said that up next was Tan Mom. Robin said she's going to say that Tan Mom told Wendy yes. Howard locked her in and played the clip. In the clip Tan Mom said yes to her coming to her house. She said no problem. Wendy asked if she has diapers. Tan Mom said she's way past that and she's never going through that again. Wendy asked if she has a plunger for her toilet. Tan Mom said she's more than welcome to come. Howard said Robin got that one right. Howard said that Tan Mom doesn't have a home and she'll end up staying at Wendy's.
Howard said that some people said yes and some said no. He said imagine Tan Wendy. Howard said last up on the list is Medicated Pete. Robin said Pete lives with his parents. Howard said that's true. He said that he'd have an easy out. Howard played the clip and Pete told Wendy that he can't let her stay there at his house. Pete said the house is kind of jammed up. Pete and Wendy spent a minute saying goodbye since Pete can't hang up. Robin got that one right too. Howard said Pete has OCD so he has to get the last goodbye in. He said that actually took 25 minutes to say goodbye. He said that it went on so long that it went on so long that you could hear Pete peeing. Howard played a clip of Pete peeing while he was saying ''bye.'' Howard said that guy has a tortured life. He was telling Wendy to hang up first.
Howard played more of the goodbye audio. Pete and Wendy were just going back and forth saying goodbye. Howard said it's like a long Allman Brothers or Grateful Dead jam. Howard read a live commercial read while Wendy and Pete were still saying goodbye. Howard said he's going to play the entire 25 minutes since Robin doesn't believe it. He did the commercial but said these two are driving him nuts. He said it's a slow, horrible loop that you can torture people with. Robin said people realize how great their lives really are. Howard said this was the actual conversation. He said he's going to throw up from this. He said they have 21 minutes left. Robin asked if he's kidding. Howard said he's not. Howard finished up the commercial and went to break. They left the Wendy and Pete thing playing during the break.
Howard came back and said that's beautiful music. He said he's not sure what's going on with him. He said he aches all over. He said he's going to cry. Robin said listen to Wendy and Pete again and feel better about his life.
Howard said he just got it back together for the Smashing Pumpkins. He said the band is there but Billy is on his way. He said he'll talk to a few people while they wait.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bubba the Love Sponge walked off his show yesterday. Howard asked if it was a real thing. The caller said maybe he did it as a bit. Robin asked if the show was over at that point. The caller said it was like 8:15 and the show had to go on without him. Howard said Bubba has a lot of stuff going on. He said he has a lawsuit going on and he has a lot of legal expenses. Howard said Brent speaks to Bubba quite often. He said he's the one to talk to about that.
Howard said this is Mike the guy who gets paid to get mentions of Bubba on the show. Howard said Bubba will thank Mike for that now that he's gotten it on. Howard said it's a little annoying. He said he loves Bubba though so it's cool. Mike said he hasn't mentioned Bubba for a while. He said he's not using the show.
Howard said maybe they should have Brent in to talk about the trials and if Bubba is feeling the stress. Robin said she'd like to hear about that. Howard said Mike should make it his mission to mention his name on other shows. Mike said everything he does has to do with Howard, Ronnie or Bubba.
Howard asked Brent what he has to say about Bubba. Jason said Brent isn't there. He said they're trying to find him. Fred played a toilet flushing sound.
Howard said he has an update on Ronnie's voice. He said he was out over the weekend singing Karaoke and he lost his voice. Howard said Brent was taking a dump. He said Ronnie is on his way up with Billy so he's not there either. He said people are actually working and shitting. Ronnie came in and gave an update about his voice. Ronnie said he's fine. He said his voice is back. Howard said he's all better but he still hears a little bit of something there. Howard said he should let the guys come in and do a sound check.
Howard said he can't find Brent. Brent came in just as he was wrapping up. Mike asked him to leave him on hold. Howard said this guy is so needy.
Brent said he had to run up there after getting stuck in elevator traffic. Howard asked if Bubba is under a lot of pressure. Brent said it is very stressful and he has this court case coming up. He said it's an incredible amount of stress. He said sometimes Bubba doesn't do well with it. Howard asked if he thinks he stormed off for real. Brent said it's usually real when he does that. He said when you leave your own show you used to have to have a licensed operator in there. He said the rules aren't that strict now though.
Howard thanked Brent for the update. He said Mike can tell Bubba he got the job done. Mike thanked him for picking up on him every day.
Robin asked if Bubba brings this on himself. She said he seems to bring it on himself. Howard said Robin is a great psychiatrist. He said she'd know.
Howard said the Smashing Pumpkins are going to come in next. He asked if Billy needs a sound check. Jason said yes he does. Howard said he'll play a Smashing Pumpkins song while they do that. He said he'll play one of Billy's performances there. He played Billy's live performance of ''1979'' after Robin asked to hear that one.
Howard asked if Billy was nervous to have dinner. Billy said not really because they went to talk not about the band but about stopping this not talking thing for the past 17 years. Howard said it's silly that they're not in the rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Billy said he's fine not being in because there are a lot of people who aren't in it who belong in there.
Howard said that James says that he reached out to Billy. He said that it was 17 years of not talking. Howard asked if he missed not talking to Billy. James said they had emailed through mutual people. Howard said Trump and Kim Jong Un are talking. He said they want to know a love story. He said there has to be love there. Billy said there is love there. He said that they are having good times and they wondered how they didn't talk all this time. James said they can laugh about old stuff. He said he was playing through some old songs they never play anymore and Billy was laughing. He said they have a history, a deep history. Billy said it's 31 years between the two of them.
Howard said that they have put out so many hit albums together and they must wonder how dysfunctional they are. James said they were but they rocked. Howard said he looks like he's in shock. Howard asked Billy if it feels good. Billy said it's awesome. He said they were working with Rick Rubin and he looked across at James and it was like looking through a tunnel at all of those years. He said it's so cool that they're making music again. He said they started out together making music in his dad's bedroom. He said they were friends before everyone else.
Howard said Jimmy back there is Mr. Dad now. Howard said he's back in the band too. Jimmy said they never disagreed about music but they did about other things. He said that the music was a common ground. Howard said the personalities didn't mesh. Jimmy said they always had a common vision when it came to music. He said that's the reason they're back together.
Howard said if he had a band like this he would do anything to keep it together. Jimmy said they're all old enough to be in the band now. Howard said Jimmy is sober now. Jimmy said it's been 15 years now. He said he stopped when he had his kids. Jimmy said becoming a parent turned it all around for him. Howard said he knows so many guys who can't get sober. He said they say they are but then they're not. He asked what the secret is. Jimmy said it's all a balance. He said he put his daughter on one side of the scale and she outweighed all of the bullshit in his life. He said that it was about self respect and balance. Howard asked if he got a inner from Billy. Jimmy said no but he hopes to get one before the end of the tour.
Howard said that this is a miracle that they're together. Howard said this was a band at war. He said he celebrates them getting back together. He asked Billy about starting the band with James. Billy said that was in 1987 but they didn't really start working until 1988. Howard said with all of these celebrity suicides he must think about his own problems with mental heath. Jimmy said that they were all living in a vacuum back then. He said that the band collapsed because of that. He said that they didn't know shit back then. He said they've all grown.
Howard said they have to give Billy some slack because he had the worst childhood ever. Howard said James must have known his dad. James said he did. Howard asked if Billy is Billy again. He said he knows his father was a senior and he didn't want anything to do with that. Billy said he loves his father. He said he feels more like a William now but he doesn't mind being called Billy.
Howard asked if the guys know about Billy's life growing up. Jimmy said he knows some of the stories. Howard said that he was passed off to great grandmas and stuff. He said it's a miracle that he can function. Billy said that James came from a great family but he and Jimmy came from rough backgrounds. He said they didn't have the skills to deal with that stuff. He said the more successful they became the less they knew about what they were doing. Billy said they have a lot of faith in one another and that can make it work. Howard said if you grow up in a dysfunctional family you don't know how to deal with family. Billy said he was the defacto leader too. He said he came from an Irish Italian family so arguing was love to him. He said he was trying to say he cared but that didn't work. He said that's all he knew. He said he grew up with that so that's what he knew.
Howard said when they got together they hadn't spoken in 17 years and he can't imagine how awkward that is. James said he saw him walk in and Billy just gestured and it made him laugh. Howard said making music together must have been great. James said that it was great. He said he'd go to his house and make music on the weekends. Howard asked if they were thought of as losers back then. James said no one was looking at them. Howard asked if his father gave him shit for what he was doing. Billy said his dad told him he was never going to make it. He said he's not a bad guy but he had a rough go in the music business so he never thought his son would make it. He said his dad did his own thing that was like a blues funk kind of thing. He said he's an incredible musician actually. He said that he's played on stage with them. He said that he had very strong ideas about what music was supposed to be. He said his dad would say weird stuff. He said he gave him their first album and his dad said ''You really split a lot of hairs there.'' He said in his language he had gene splices a bunch of things there. He said he didn't give him any credit. Billy said he refused to give him the next album. He said that his dad asked him to send it and he refused. He said that his dad heard the second album and said it was incredible and he didn't even know the person who was singing it. He said he knew what he was saying and he was intrigued by what he heard.
Howard said that must have been tough. Howard asked Billy about the suicide thing. He said he knows the depression thing and when it came down to the pressure did he come close to really doing it. Billy said he came really close a few times. He said he thought about it many times. He said he was close about 3 times. He said he was right there. Howard asked if he turned to his band mates. Billy said he didn't.
Billy said he would have panic attacks. He said he'd be in the shower and have an attack. Howard said he gets them too. Billy said he called an ear doctor and he told him he'd get him someone. He said he was sent to a hospital. He said the woman sat down with him and she was very skeptical. He said that she asked what the problem was. He said that he was rich and famous but he wanted to die. He said he wasn't asking for sympathy. He said that when you have success and wealth people can't imagine why you'd want to kill yourself. Howard said one of the best songs about that is Paul Simon's Richard Corey. Billy said he doesn't know that one.
Howard said this woman doesn't get it either. Billy said she did but she wanted to put him on medication. He said he didn't want to do that. He said that led to this spiritual journey that led to today.
Howard said Kate Spade must have been a shocking thing. Billy said that was so sad. He said that her sister said that she felt it would be detrimental to her brand. Billy said he thought about how awful that is. He said his girlfriend is in the fashion business and he talked to her about how much love she would have gotten if she had gotten help. Howard asked how close he was to actually doing it. Billy said he gave away his stuff and he was obsessed with death. He said that if you're in that spot please get help.
Howard said that it must be like that apocalyptic thing when you see those old videos. Billy said at the time he was trying to explain things and having another way to look at reality.
Howard said that they have to take this all into consideration when they talk to Billy. Howard said he's going to be off sometimes. James said he's got it.
Howard asked about D'arcy and why she didn't come back. He said Billy tried. Billy said the simple version is that he spent 2 years trying to rebuild his relationship with her. He said every time he talked to her on the phone she was lovely and sweet. He said she was complimenting him and saying she was so proud of him. Billy said he's dealing with someone who is grown up like the rest of them. He said if he addressed logical concerns like not being on stage for 19 years she would brush it off. He said he'd want to visit her and it would never happen. He said that he was wondering what was going on there. He said that they approached her on the business side and she refused it. He said she didn't like the set up. He said he won't talk about that but it wasn't unfair. He said every time he tried to explain it to her she didn't want to hear it. Billy said the concerns he had about her state of mind and body were there too. He said that he didn't want her to look bad or fail. He wanted to protect her in that situation. Howard said that's the right thing to do. Billy said she had severe anxiety stuff. He said he was trying to balance all of that. He said they had to get this set up but she walked away. He said she changed her mind and they had half moved on already.
Billy said they had already signed on the dotted line. He said she wanted to use her time to negotiate. He said that it is what it is. He said they were already working in the studio and then she posted his text conversations online. He said that they had already worked this stuff out with the band and she let it all out there and he was the bad guy. Howard asked James about what he thinks about that. James said he was just dealing with his own relationship and he wasn't part of that whole thing. Howard asked if he's hurt that she was criticizing him about being back in the band. James said that was upsetting. He said what are you going to do though.
Howard said you don't want to be involved in the business discussions. Billy said he welcomes them now. He said he wants to make sure that their families are provided for. He said they're there to play music. He said they've had a long, crazy run. He said you can look at that kind of stuff and say it doesn't belong there. He said that the point is that they love each other and they want to make music. He said that's the one thing they got right. He said they got so many things wrong.
Howard asked if Billy is happy. Billy said he is. He said it's great that they're back to making music. He said he thinks that if you see them together they are happy and they feel good. He said if it's not that then they're not going to work.
Howard said they worked with Rick Rubin on a new album and they're going out on tour. Howard asked if they are going to do the hits. Billy said they're focusing on their 90s albums only. He said in honor of James coming back he wanted to focus on that. Howard asked what convinced him to do that. Billy said it was James being back in the band. Howard said he heard that he went to see The Wall and that changed his mind a bit. Billy said what Roger Waters did with that was make it feel fresh. He said to play old songs to play old songs feels weird for him. He said that he can get back into that if you know where that's coming from.
Howard said that the guys are going to perform an old song for them now. He said that Jack Bates, Jeff Schroeder, Jimmy Chamberlin and James Iha are all there with Billy. He said they're going to do an old favorite ''Bullet with Butterfly Wings.'' Howard said he never realized that Smashing isn't about smashing something. It's about being ''beautiful'' or ''awesome.'' Howard asked why it's pumpkins. Billy didn't have an answer. Howard said he's right though that it's like an Awesome Pumpkin. Howard said this is real music right here. He said that to Billy's dad. The guys went right into the song after that.
After the song Howard said he's not sure what to even say. He said he was welling up during that song. He said he has to say that this is really difficult to play. He said the chord progressions are crazy. He said that they're going to sell a lot of tickets. Billy said he hopes so. Howard said that is very complicated music to play. Billy said it's not the hardest but it's not easy. Howard said he loves that song. Howard said he's full of rage and he's still that rat in a cage. He said that you'd think that with all of his rage he'd be able to be free. Billy said he empathizes with him. Howard asked if it was about his mother. Billy said that the more angry you got the more you were put in a cage. Billy said that you get imprisoned in some other paradigm.
Howard asked why they're not in the hall of fame. He asked Billy to just play that riff for him again. Billy did it. Howard said he loves when James comes in with his thing and does it at the same time. James did that for him too. Howard asked to hear it together. He said it's like they're harmonizing with guitars. Billy said it's kind of that way.
Howard asked if they work that out in the studio. Billy said it was worked out in rehearsal. James didn't remember how they worked that all out in the beginning. Howard said James is really mellow. He said he's not sure why Billy didn't get along with him.
Howard said they won a Grammy for that song. Billy said they did and he made the speech which was very poor. He said they were nominated for 7 or 8 Grammys and it's very strange how they do the whole thing. He said they rush people up before the broadcast and they have like 10 seconds to say something. He said they lose to Celine Dion that year for album of the year too. He said what was weird was tat she got up and thanked ''all of the little people'' who worked on her album. Then she brought up 12 people who helped her. He said they were very DIY and they worked on everything themselves. He said they have seen many instances of people not winning and it's all very goofy. Howard said it's a very different process the way they do things. Billy said they haven't been invited back in 20 years so it didn't go well.
Howard said look at Jack back there playing bass. He said he saw him wailing on that thing back there. He said it's good for him that D'arcy didn't come back.
Howard asked if it's easy making music. Billy said they knocked out 8 songs in four weeks. He said it's amazing.
Howard said he heard the new song and it's amazing. Howard asked what Solara means. Billy said it's another version of the sun. Howard asked what the song is about. Billy said that he's not sure what it's about. He said he hasn't thought about it. Howard said he's shocked to hear that. Billy said most of the songs he didn't have a particular thought in his mind. He said he wrote to the feeling. Howard said thank god he didn't kill himself. He said he'd be so mad. Billy said his son would be mad too. He said that he has stood on that edge of taking his own life. He said that he's against it and it's never worth it. Howard said he still gets dark inside though, right? Billy said of course. He said that it's a spiritual question. He said that you're saying to god that you don't accept your circumstance and you're going to stop this game. He said he thinks about his son and how he could sell everything and move to an island to be happy. He said if it's a health issue then it's a different issue. He said he can't imagine being healthy and taking your own life. He said that god gave us so much and it's horrible to lose these people.
Howard said Billy made news last time he was on when he said he saw a shape shifter. Billy said that he saw what he saw. He said he's sticking with that story. He said that to question someone's reality is wrong. He said maybe he hallucinated it but he did see it. He said if he was prone to hallucinations he doesn't think he'd be standing there. Howard said he doesn't believe there is life on any other planet. He said if aliens came down here they'd have superior technology. He said they'd conquer us if they did. Billy said the theory is that there are good and bad aliens and the good ones are keeping the bad ones in check. Howard said he feels like that's a nice theory. Billy said he saw the shape shifter twice. He said it was the same person both times. Billy said he said he was going to write the name in his book. He didn't mention it there. Howard asked if he is going to do that. Billy said he's not going to name names.
Howard asked where he saw this shape shifter. Billy said he never gave details. He said all he said was that he looked at someone and when he looked back they looked different. He said he didn't use the term ''shape shifter.'' Howard said he thought he said it was someone famous. Billy said it's not though. He said that it would be great for book sales. Howard asked if it was at a concert. Billy said he didn't say that. Howard asked if he was at Rick Rubin's house. Billy said he was in Illinois and that's all he'll say. Howard said he bets that James will say he doesn't know anything about this. James said he thinks it's possible. Howard said he's smart, keep that tour going. Howard said they must be seeing a pay day like they've never seen for this. He said even he's going to go and he doesn't go anywhere.
Howard said Billy is a great artist. He said if he was a shape shifter he'd reveal himself to him. He said that he can only imagine what it's like to create these songs. Billy said if he told him in private would he keep his confidence. Howard said he can. He said years ago he couldn't do that.
Robin told Howard to tell him the story of Carly Simon. Howard said she told him who the song ''You're So Vain'' was about. He said she whispered it in his ear and it was 3 names. He said he can't remember one of them. Howard said Robin asked what she told him and he wasn't able to remember. He asked what's wrong with him. He said if Billy tells him something he'll forget it in 2 minutes. Billy said he will tell him the story off the air. He said it's even more fantastical than they think it is. Howard said he wants to make news with him. Billy said the person was naked. He said he will tell Howard the rest in confidence. Howard said he must have made love to her. Billy asked if they have all experienced this. Howard said he has been with people who have changed personalities before and after. Billy said he can no longer discuss this.
Howard asked if they have performed this new song yet. Billy said they did it on Fallon last night. He said that they could have been better. He said they all felt they didn't play up to their capabilities. He said Fallon was very nice about it though. Howard asked if they're going to do okay this morning. Billy said they should be better today. Howard asked what kind of rating he'd give. Billy said a 7 out of 10. Howard said please give him a 10 today.
Howard asked the guys to do their thing and perform their new song Solara. They went right into it after that.
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He said that is a hell of a drum part too. He said he was pounding on those mother fuckers. He said he'd give that a 10. Howard asked Billy if that was a 10. Billy said the band was great. He said the vocal was an 8.7. Howard said he got a better one than Fallon got. Billy said yes.
Howard said they don't do a long guitar solo. Billy said they gave that up. He said they used to get shit for doing solos. Howard said just give him the song and fuck the solos. Howard said that was a very sexy song too. He said James shape shifted into a lizard during that song. Howard asked how that works. Billy said he'll tell him the story off the air.
Howard asked Billy how he's doing with his health. Billy said he's doing okay. He said he was at the doctor recently and it turned into a story but it was nothing. He said he had an IV of vitamin C in his arm and they made it into something big.
Howard said D'arcy said he might have a brain tumor. Billy said that would fall under the libelous things that she's said about him. He said that he didn't let it roll off his back.
Howard said he's excited for the boys. He said that the tour is kicking off soon. They said it's July 12th. Howard asked why they're starting it in Phoenix. Billy said that's where Rob Halford lives. He said they've actually been great to them in Phoenix.
Howard gave the guys some plugs for the tour and said you can go to LiveNation.com for tickets. Howard said you can hear them on Lithium there at SiriusXM.
Howard said Billy is part of a wrestling league. Billy said they're trying to do the biggest non WWE event in history. He said they're going to have a big match with the N.W.A.. Howard asked a couple of questions about that. Billy said that John Cena is great and he talked about how big he's become. He said that they built the WWE around Andre the Giant. He said that Hulk Hogan was another huge personality. He said Jesse Ventura was a great talker. Howard said hulk Hogan said that Andre was the best ever. Billy said that the Rock puts butts in seats for movies and that's what counts when he's in a movie.
Howard asked if they're making money with the N.W.A.. Billy said they're working on it. He said that it's a different approach than what Vince McMahon is doing. He said he thinks Vince appreciates that someone is willing to take them on but in a different way. Howard asked if he has met Vince. Billy said he has and the whole family has been good to him.
Howard said he loves their music and he's going to come see them if they're playing on a Wednesday night. He said they'll be in your town soon. Howard gave them some more plugs and wrapped up. They went to break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and said that the Smashing Pumpkins were so good. Robin said she was run out of the studio. She said they put some equipment in her studio and they weren't able to close her door. She said they asked her to cover her ears and the vibrations might be too much. She said that the thing kicked in and it was like she was hit in the chest. She said it knocked the wind out of her. Gary said it was a bass speaker that just rocked Robin. Robin said she couldn't take it.
Howard said he has to get to the phones. He said he has (fake) Alex Jones on the phone. He said Alex is upset that Billy talked about shape shifters on the air. Howard spent a minute talking to Alex about that. He said that Billy pushed everyone away and told him the story. He said he told him what happened. He said he can't give the sex of the person or anything about the story. Robin said he's like The Matrix. Howard said it was a very serious story. Howard asked Alex why this is a secret. Fake Alex had some reasons for that. Howard said Billy said he will reveal that story one day.
Howard said he remembers when he got into the Smashing Pumpkins. He had Ralph on the phone to talk about that because they were both into them at that time. Howard said they should go to a show together. Ralph said they should.
Ralph said Billy sounds so intelligent but then he's talking about shape shifters. Howard said Billy shared the story with him and he said it with a straight face. He said the story is very heavy. Howard said it would blow the lid off of everything. He said it wouldn't be good for Robin if she heard it. Robin asked if it will change his belief system. Howard said it rocked him.
Ralph asked Howard to play the Wendy and Pete thing the rest of the day. Howard said he'll sign off with it and keep it playing through the Wrap Up Show. Howard said they said goodbye to each other on the phone for 25 minutes. Robin said imagine his parents hearing that coming from his room. Howard said his poor parents.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the hairs were standing up on his spine when he heard the guys playing today. He said that he's a truck driver and he loves the rebroadcasts too. Howard said if he has hair on his spine he might be a shape shifter.
Howard said when they first started doing Bullet with Butterfly Wings the hair on his spine was standing up too. He said Fred told him his ball hair was standing up. The caller gave him his sound of happiness which was his horn. Howard had Fred play the air horn for him.
Howard said he listens to the Smashing Pumpkins when they come in. He said he loves their stuff. Robin said she can't believe that he owns a wrestling thing. Howard said Vince McMahon might be a genius. He said he keeps that dopey wrestling going like that. He said look at all of the wrestling stars that have come out of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there is no way that tour is going to last the entire season. He asked what his over under is for that before they cancel the tour. Howard said he thinks they'll go the distance. Howard said Billy is in a different head space now. He said he thinks they can pull it off. The caller said that James barely said a word. Howard said he thinks that the way it works for them. He said James speaks with that guitar.
Howard played some quick clips of their hits from the 90s. Howard said that the feud between Billy and D'arcy is pretty interesting. Howard said it's an endless thing. He said it would have been great if she had joined the tour. He said she doesn't understand how James is part of this. Robin said he switched teams. Howard said that was a smart move. He said they're so good together. Robin said Fred said that the drums were the best he's ever heard in there. Howard said he was particularly impressed with that. He said that was Jimmy. Fred said he makes it seem effortless too. He said they sounded great everywhere he went to listen. Howard asked if he's got a new crush. Fred said wait for the lie detector results. Howard said tomorrow he's going to tickle Robin's ass with a feather about the lie detector show.
Howard said he thinks he has to go see the doctor. He said he's so achy. He said his neck and side are achy. Robin asked what he has changed and what's different. Howard asked if she's his mother now. Robin said no. Howard did his mother's voice asking about his pain. Robin said once she started using the air conditioning she got some stiff necks and shoulder pain. Robin said it was the change in the temperature. Howard did his mom's voice complaining about the air conditioning. He was having a conversation with her about all of that. Howard spent a couple of minutes with his mom and dad's voices. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news with the sound of a Vuvuzela that she mentioned earlier in the show. Robin said that's what they use during world cup. Robin said that was in every world cup game that year. Gary said they banned them because they were so annoying. Robin asked why anyone would want to make that noise. Howard said people are mentally ill and they need attention.
Robin said they were talking about Pete Davidson from Saturday Night Live the other day. Robin said he was dating Ariana Grande and now they're engaged. Howard said he locked her right in. Robin said he just met her like yesterday. Howard said he's a young kid on Saturday Night Live. Robin said they're actually both 24. Howard said he likes that Pete talks about his mental illness. He said Ariana was on Saturday Night Live and did some sketches. He said she was quite charming on the show. He said Pete must have thought it was awesome when she was into him. He said he got some tattoos for her and now he's engaged. Howard said he must have thought about this and did the calculations about what to do to keep her. Howard said she's super hot and he had to think about that. Howard said she's a good looking girl. He said she's short and he is too. Robin said that she thought he was tall and stringy. Howard said this guy knows what to do. He said he was saying shit and she was laughing at him. Howard said he's smart. He said she has been battling anxiety and PTSD so they bond over that. He said she's got over 100 million followers on Instagram. Robin said that his last girlfriend was Larry David's daughter. Howard said she doesn't have 100 million followers.
Howard said he's not sure what this kid has but he's a pussy magnet. He said that you don't have to go work out to get women. He said you just have to be funny. He said he's skinny and he has a look like J-Lo's ex, Marc Anthony. Robin said it's that emaciated look. Howard said that these guys on Saturday Night Live are locking in all of the hot chicks. He said Colin Jost is dating Scarlet Johansson. Howard said Pete reportedly has a huge penis. He said he's a smart guy. He said he'd like to interview this kid. He said good going kid. Robin said last week he was saying he was making a mistake. Howard said he thought it through and he's making the right decision. He said she can pay for everything. He said what hot chick can do that.
Robin wondered how long the marriage is going to last. Howard said if he could get a girl like her and he might have to leave Saturday Night Live he'd just make this chick laugh. He said he'd devote all of his energy to her. He said he can have some kids with her and put his energy into that. Robin said Howard isn't going to do that. Howard said he can take some gigs doing stand up or a sitcom or something. He said this kid is playing it just right. He said you have to lock in when you have something that good. Howard said Ariana is huge. Robin asked if he wants to take a bet. She said this doesn't last a year. Howard said isn't she a romantic. Robin said it's only been 3 weeks. She said he's still thunderstruck. Howard said that's all star poon.
Howard asked if he told Robin tomorrow that she was going out with someone like Jake Gyllenhaal. He looked up his worth first. He asked Siri for help. Howard said he has his income and all of that. Howard said he's worth $65 million. Howard read the details about his worth and all of that. Howard said he owns an Audi Q7 so he's not wasting his money. Howard asked what Benedict Cumberbatch is worth. Siri gave him the info. Howard said Robin is going to be with Jake. He said Benedict is $17 million. Howard asked Robin if she's going out with Jake and she's 3 weeks in and he wants to get married, she's going to do it. Howard said he loves that Ariana has a logo. He asked who she is to have a logo.
Robin said if Jake asked her to marry him she'd say that's great but they should take some time. Howard said that's bullshit. Howard wondered if Pete has to pretend to like her music. He said some of that stuff is bullshit. Robin said he even has to go to her concert. Howard said that's bullshit. He said he thought he liked her music but then he realized he was watching her in a video and she makes it better with her titties out. Howard said he imagines her going out to do a show and Pete is fucking her right before. Then she goes out and performs a song.
Howard said that's Pete Davidson. He said he admires him. Robin said she hopes it lasts. She said that she thinks Ariana will dump him though.
Robin asked if it's time for Kevin Spacey to be back on screen. Howard said no, it's too early. Howard said he's not even sure what he did. Robin said he laid some young boy on a bed and got on top of him.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he asked his Alexa the questions about Jake and Benedict and he got an answer. He said it didn't tell him to go to the internet for his answers. Howard asked Ralph to ask Alexa some questions for him. Ralph had to get a cordless phone. Howard said he thinks that Ralph used to hang with Kevin Spacey. Ralph got back on and asked Alexa what Jake Gyllenhaal's net worth is. Alexa came up with the answer right away. He asked what Benedict Cumberbatch's net worth is. Ralph asked if Siri is dumb. Alexa said she doesn't know that.
Howard had Ralph ask what his net worth is. Alexa wasn't sure. Ralph said he's not either. Howard asked Ralph if he knows Kevin Spacey. Ralph said he did and he was upset that he did nothing to him. He said he thought he was going to come back a year ago. He said the whole thing is very sordid. He said that there are murky situations. Gary said that this kid's mother was a congresswoman and she told this story about her 15 year old. Ralph and the guys spent a minute talking about that.
Robin said there is a movie that Kevin Spacey is in and it's been in the can for about 2 and a half years. Robin said they were just about to distribute it last year when this whole thing was starting up. Robin said they think it's time because people have short memories. Robin said he's in a beard and glasses in the movie anyway. Howard asked if Robin is going to boycott that movie. Robin said she hasn't decided yet.
Robin said imagine you're in an Uber and the couple in the back kisses. Robin said this driver threw out the couple because it was two women. Robin said they just kissed. It wasn't even a make out session. Robin said they had just left a friend's party and they were on opposite sides when they pecked. She said the driver pulled over and kicked them out of the car 5 minutes later. Fred played some Ronnie sex talk clips after hearing that.
Robin read a story about President Trump's meeting with Kim Jong Un and how things were going with that. Robin said that he wasn't even bad mouthing the press. Robin said Trump has said that Un is a very talented man. Robin had some audio clips for Howard to play. Robin said he also talked about Otto Warmbier and how he thinks this sparked this meeting. Robin had some audio of him talking about how Otto didn't die in vain. Howard said he was shipped back to us in horrible condition. He said this Kim Jong Un is an animal. He said the only thing he'll respond to is starving him and taking money away from him. Howard said he's going to keep doing the nuclear weapon thing. He said just wait and see. He said only the CIA knows how to handle this guy. Robin said they can't go back and change a situation. She said we have to deal with what we're dealing with now. Robin said someone asked the President if he's preferring some of these new friends over some old friends. Robin had Howard play more audio of Trump talking about that.
Howard asked if Robin would be upset if Trump had shook hands with Hitler. Robin said that didn't happen. Howard said if Roosevelt had wanted to talk to Hitler instead of taking him out would she have been happy. Robin said no but this isn't the same thing. Robin said Kim Jong Un isn't the man who fought a war with South Korea. Robin said this isn't going to change unless we change.
Robin read a story about the Dalai Lama putting out a tweet about how praying for peace won't happen if you don't practice for peace. Howard said people follow him? Robin said it makes perfect sense. Robin said the President also said they have great beaches in North Korea. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that.
Robin had some Bill Clinton audio that she had Howard playing. That led to Howard doing his Clinton voice for a short time. In the clip Clinton was asked a question about what he did compared to Al Franken. Howard replayed that clip to hear it again. He did more of his Clinton voice after hearing that. He spent a few more minutes doing Bill Clinton material.
Robin read a story about NBC thinking of moving Megyn Kelly's show to a new time slot because it's doing so poorly. Robin said it seems that they're still not happy with her ratings. Robin said they may move her into the Hoda and Kathie Lee time slot and putting them in her time slot. She said they may make an announcement about her Sunday night show becoming periodical instead of a regular thing. Robin said they aren't getting rid of it but they may not play it all the time. Howard said they paid her like $25 million and now they're moving her show around. Robin said it can't be pleasant for her. Robin said she's doing everything she can. She said she's seen her mother on the show and things like that.
Robin read a story about Mike Francesa doing well after coming out of retirement. Robin said he's getting good ratings. Robin read the details.
Robin read a story about Allison Mack who was on Smallville for a few years. Robin said she is going to be in court over sex trafficking charges. Robin said she was part of some group who had a leader who was allegedly getting women into the sex trade. Howard said he used to watch her on Smallville. Howard had Bill Clinton talking about how brilliant that guy is. Robin said they say that Allison tried to get other famous women into the group. She tried to get Emma Watson and Kelly Clarkson. Robin said most of the women were feminist writers.
Robin read a story about a contestant on America's Got Talent who passed away. Robin said this was Neil Boyd and he's dead at 42. Robin had some audio of the guy singing for Howard to play. Howard said that guy was good. Fred had some audio of someone singing Baba Booey in an opera like voice. Howard said this guy really had a beautiful voice. He played some actual audio of the guy singing. Robin read some more details about Neil's death. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show saying before people forget about the word cunt he's going to play this. He said that they went out on the street and said they were from Musical Radio. He said they have this guy Jonathan who goes out and does this. He said they ask people to sing their answers for the show. He said this is a random woman on the street. He said this is amazing. He played the clip and Jonathan asked this woman when it's okay to use the word cunt. She sang her answer which was ''Never.'' She went back and forth with Jonathan singing her answers. She gave her answers for other things to use instead of ''cunt.'' She said it's a hateful word and you can find a different one.
Howard said that was great. He said that was Jonathan Blitt out on the street doing his thing. He said that's as good as any song on Broadway.
Howard said he was listening to the Smashing Pumpkins interview yesterday while driving in his car. Robin asked where he was driving. Howard said Ronnie was driving. He said everyone is so literal around there. He said Ronnie was driving his car or his car. He said he was in the back listening. He said he has to monitor the show. He said he was listening to Billy Corgan and he don't have the perspective when they're talking on the air. He said he thought he was terrific when he played part of the song and James played his part. He said that gave him an insight into how a song is written. He said he realizes now that he can never write a hit song.
Howard said Billy put out a nice Instagram note about doing the show. He read the note where he thanked Jimmy Fallon and him. He said that Jimmy remembered that they played on Saturday Night Live for the first time in 1998. Howard said Jimmy remembers that stuff. He said that Jimmy pulled out an app at dinner one night and he had some app that plays random songs. He said he played like 20 in a row and he had to tell him what they were. Howard said he was able to name a bunch and Jimmy was very impressed with that.
Howard said Billy wrote that his support is one of the reasons they're there now doing this new tour. Howard said Billy thanked him for that and he was very moved by that. He said he is a big Smashing Pumpkins fan and that moved him. He said maybe in some way this show gave him the impetus to go out and do the tour. He said Billy resisted that for a long time. He said now he's going out and doing his hits. Howard said he doesn't often read stuff like that but he had to do that.
Howard said he won't respond because if they give them the hall of fame they might ask him to go. He said he can't do that.
Howard said he has to give a shout out to his therapist. He said he was ready to jump out a window. He said that his therapist does a lot for him. Robin said they have had a lot of people do that lately. Howard said no one is jumping out a window but they are hanging themselves. He said he wouldn't do that though. He said he's not going to say what he would do.
Howard said he was upset reading about Charles Krauthammer and how he's announced that he's dying from an advanced form of cancer. Howard said he didn't know he was paralyzed from the neck down. He said he had a diving accident in college. He said he was really smart and he became a psychiatrist. He said he became a political analyst after that. He said he never complained about being a quadriplegic. He said the guy is amazing. He said he gets a small pain in his neck and he's ready to do himself in. He said he doesn't like pain. He said he's told as you get older you get these aches and pains. He said he refuses to believe it.
Robin said she has pains from using the air conditioning. Howard said he's sad about Charles Krauthammer.
Robin asked if he has gone to North Korea. Howard said he wouldn't go there like he wouldn't go to Nazi Germany. He said he can't stand this guy. Howard said this kid they sent back over is just one example of what he can do. Howard said things will not change.
Howard said he doesn't want to get into a political discussion. Robin said if you have a situation in your marriage and continue to speak the same way about it the problem will persist. Howard said Hitler was handled properly. Robin said he was killed. Howard said that's what they have to do. Robin said if someone had treated Hitler in a nice way he wouldn't have been like that. Jason said that Neville Chamberlain did and it didn't help. Robin said she's not talking about that. She said he had already lost his mind. Robin said the people of North Korea could get rid of him if they did something. Howard said they don't have guns so they can't do that. Robin said if they called a strike they'd be able to stop the country from working.
Jason came in and said that Robin's history is wrong. Robin said she didn't quote any history. Jason told Robin about how Chamberlain had tried to negotiate with Hitler and it didn't work. Robin said Hitler had already lost his mind. Jason asked if Kim Jong Un hasn't. Jason said our President is cow towing to this guy. Robin said that he's posing and spinning. Howard said Kim Jong Un has said his people love him. Robin said she doesn't believe that. While all of this arguing was going on Fred was playing Dueling Banjos.
Howard said Brent has something to say. Brent said this is an insane conversation. He said Hitler signed a pact with Stalin and then invaded Poland. Robin said this isn't what she's talking about. Robin said she can't talk to this mind set. Jason asked what they get out of this talk with Trump. Robin said we didn't get anything.
Howard said the point is that if someone represents the free world you stand with the rest of your allies. He said that you don't talk to dictators like this and make them your friend. Howard said that they're threatening to drop nuclear bombs on Japan and South Korea. Robin asked if that was Russia. Howard said it was and that's another story. He said he would never compliment Kim Jong Un. He said he'd meet with the guy but his way of treating people with assassinations and no free press and all of that he can't support. He said he can't call him talented. He said he's a little dictator who inherited this country. He said that when he's ready to talk in a reasonable way. He said if he had that meeting he would have walked in and shot him right in the fucking head. He said millions of people don't need to die. Robin said then he should become president. Howard said he has to be there with them.
Robin said that all they do is argue about this stuff and criticize. She said that they should be hoping that they succeed instead of tearing it down. There was a lot of talking over each other during this discussion. Howard said that when the shit hits the fan it's not going to be Kim Jong Un that helps us. He said it's Canada, Germany and South Korea. Robin said they were talking about how Germany should have been wiped off the face of the earth but now we're relying on them. Robin said we had to rebuild that country. Fred was still playing the Dueling Banjos thing while all of this was going on.
Howard said Kim Jong Un can suck his dick. He said he would never get on camera and say that Kim Jong Un is talented and a nice guy and a talented guy. He said fuck that. Robin said it's all bullshit. Brent, Jason and Robin were still talking over each other arguing about this.
Howard said Kim Jong Un is on the phone. He took a quick call from him but everyone was talking so Howard wrapped it up and thanked everyone for coming in. Howard said Kim Jong Un sounded Italian.
Robin said she was talking to someone about the museum glass in his paintings. She said that should protect them. Howard said he worked that out. He said he's going to put his shades on a timer. He said he heard from the guy who did his windows too. He said his are tinted but they suggested tinting them more. He said that he wants to see stuff in there though.
Howard said the new SiriusXM app is great. He said he wants to compliment the video team. He said he loves the Wack Pack Conclave. He said he hasn't finished watching it yet but he loves seeing the reactions on people's faces. He said Robin had a look on her face when Wendy was coughing that looked confused.
Howard said he was watching the King of All Blacks fashion show and that's great in video. He said the one he wants to see is the Staff IQ test with Memet and Brent. He said they're going to roll out so much stuff. He said he had a meeting yesterday about that. He said they were talking about the new app and he has a lot of ideas for it. He said it's just a matter of getting it all on.
Howard said that they have the U2 concert airing tonight on Howard 101 at 5pm. Robin said it's interesting that they're going to have it on at a time they can listen. Howard said he'd like to have those concerts early in the afternoon so they can go to them. He said Scott Greenstein was in the meeting and he said they might be able to do that sometime. Howard said he knows he was just saying that though.
Howard said he has to take a break and then get to the lie detector test results thing. He said he's going to tickle Robin's ass with a feather for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to stop with the political talk. He said he wants to hear Ronnie sex tips. Howard said he has tried to avoid politics. He said no more politics today. Robin said Howard was the one who fell into the Kim Jong Un thing. Howard said if Trump had just put him in a headlock and gave him a wedgie. He said that Trump must know how to do that.
Robin said she saw a picture of Trump and Kim from behind and it looked like Kim was palming Trump's ass. Howard said Trump should have hung him by his underwear from a balcony. He said Trump could beat him up. He said he's good with his hands. Robin asked how he knows that. Howard said he saw he was a good athlete. He said he knows when he was younger he played ball. He said there's no way Kim played a sport. He said Kim looks like a basketball. He said just look at his hair cut. He asked how you take that seriously. He said he looks like an enormous baby. Robin said he does. Howard said he's so pissed off or afraid of everyone that he just kills them all. He said he's not sure what's going on there.
Howard said you don't eat that much food if you're not under stress. He said he'd be adorable if he wasn't so evil. He said he's a monster though. He said this is the makings of a horror movie. Robin said you have to wonder what would drive a guy to be that evil. Howard said maybe he grew up in a house like he grew up in.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what this has to do with Deliverance. Howard explained that reference to him. Howard said it was a duel. He said it was back and forth. Robin said Fred thought that was easy to figure out. The caller said he must have been thinking about the White Trash thing. Howard said if Kim Jong Un had a hit song he'd be like Psy. He said that Psy and Kim Jong Un look the same. Robin said that they don't all look alike. Howard said he didn't say that.
Howard had Fred play Psy's ''Gangnam Style'' and made up his own Kim Jong Un lyrics. Fred threw in some sound effects along with Howard singing. Howard said they have to get to some commercials. He said he thought this was all commercial free when he signed up. He said it's a lot less than terrestrial radio though. He said they had people who would get in their cars and they'd never hear the show because they had 20 minutes of commercials. He went to break after that.
Howard said Kim Jong Un must have chicks who are into him because they want to eat. He said he must think he's handsome because of that. Robin said she would say yes because there was a guy who was the heir to the A&P fortune and he went to Hollywood and women slept with him. Then he lost all of his money and he was on welfare and he said he used to think he was really handsome and smart.
Howard said there are only 14 type of hair cuts that are allowed in North Korea. He said that they control all of that. Howard said Kim went to school in Switzerland so they must have goofed on him over there. Robin said maybe not. Howard said Benjy would be a 10 over there in North Korea. He said he looks like Kim.
Howard said they did the lie detector test and Benjy was a pain in the ass. He said he's a weirdo. He said he's funny and talented and a good kid but he's a pain in the ass. He said that Jason produced that segment. Jason said Benjy questions everything. Howard said there must be something wrong with him. Jason said it's like dealing with a Wack Packer. He said he's talented and insanely funny though.
Jason said the question you answer on the lie detector tests are yes or no answers. He said Benjy had a problem with that.
Benjy came in and Howard said he doesn't think Kim Jong Un is that bad looking. Howard said he knows a guy who is getting Chemo who laughs at that guy's hair. Howard said if he could give Benjy back his hair would he wear it like Kim. Benjy said he would give it a try. Howard said it would be funny if he went on a talk show with that hair cut. He said now he has a bit.
Howard said earlier this year Ronnie revealed he likes to be fucked in the ass by a woman with a sex toy. He said that he liked this woman doing that to his ass. He said he was laying on his back while the woman did it to him. He said this was shocking news. He said he told Ronnie that was gay but he denied that it was gay. He said that Ronnie said that everyone has put something up their asshole. He said that he never has. He said he had one woman try to put a pinkie up there and he clenched up. He said he isn't going to do anything like that. He said Ronnie is addicted to attention and he has to keep upping this stuff. He said that he's putting fake cocks in his ass.
Jason said that it's not just the cock in his ass. He said to have the woman strap it on like a man is something. He said that she's fucking him hard. Howard said that Robin says something about fucking hard like an animal. Robin said that wasn't her.
Howard said Ronnie revealed all of this and he said that everyone there is just afraid to admit it. Ronnie came in and said that he's not starved for attention. Howard said he's putting a cock in his ass. Ronnie said she wanted to try it. Howard said he should have said no. Ronnie asked why he would say no. Howard said it's a cock in his ass. Ronnie said it's not a cock. Howard said it looks like a cock. Howard said Ronnie said it was the best orgasm ever. He said that he is starved for attention.
Howard said he has to see the tie in between the two. He said he's starved for attention so he has to get the thing in his ass. Robin said he brought in the sex toy in a special box. Robin said he had it in the original box and he doesn't care for anything like that. Ronnie said that thing was something he tried for the show.
Howard said Ronnie came in and said he bets people are lying about having things in their asshole. He said he said he would take a lie detector test. Howard said here's what happened. He said 14 of them took the test with Ed Torian. He said they wanted to find out the truth once and for all. He said that they wanted to find out if anyone else was acting like a woman.
Howard said they had all of the guys there take the test. He ran down the list of guys who took the test. He asked why Chris Wilding was on that list. Jason said they threw him in at the last minute. Howard said they asked questions about their names and Benjy even had a problem with that. He said that he has a secret name and all of that. Benjy said that's a nickname.
Howard said they asked if they've ever put anything in their anal cavity for sexual pleasure and things like that. Howard went through some of the questions they asked.
Howard said that they asked about having an ''inanimate'' object in their ass and Ed Torian wasn't able to say that word. He said this went on and on and on. Howard played a clip of Ed trying to say the word to the guys. He wasn't able to get that out.
Howard played a clip of Benjy asking questions about he questions and making a big deal out of nothing. Benjy said he wasn't trying to be a pain in the ass. Howard said he was the only one who needed that. He said he might want to look into that and why he does it. He said the instructions were so simple. He said Benjy had a hard time with answering yes or no. Howard played some examples of that. Benjy was giving long answers instead of yes or no. Howard said poor Ed just wanted to eat his lunch.
Howard said he's not sure anyone cares what Benjy has been up to. He said he just had him in there to eliminate him from the results. Benjy said he has had things up his ass but not for pleasure. Benjy said the only time he remembers from when he was a kid... Howard cut him off and said this is why he thinks he's a great communicator. Howard said he would have kicked Benjy out of this whole thing. Robin said he has already had the test and he has the thoughts so he should have an answer. Benjy said he thinks he put a shampoo bottle up his ass as a kid. He said he doesn't remember the details though. He said it wasn't in his cavity. He said it was just between his cheeks. Howard said Benjy thinks he's much more interesting than he is. He said that's the problem.
Howard asked when they're getting the results. Jason said next Tuesday. Howard said JD and Ed ended up laughing at each other during the test. Howard said Ed is funny to listen to when he talks. Jason said everyone had a fit of laughter at some point. He said JD was the one who made Ed laugh as well and it was like sitting in during a date. Howard played another clip where both Ed and JD were laughing at each other. Ed wasn't even able to get the question out. He had to ask Jason to come in and ask the question for him. Ed said that JD starts laughing and then he starts giggling.
Howard said he thinks those two might end up in love. Jason said later on they would just look at each other and start laughing. Howard said he doesn't think that Ed knows JD is JD because he called him JZ. Howard said listen to this. He played a clip of Ed calling him JZ. Robin asked why he didn't correct him. Howard said JD thinks that anyone can call him by any name they want.
JD came in and said that he just wanted to get it done and over with. Howard asked what was going on with him and Ed. He said he wanted to laugh but he just got through the whole thing. He said he just answered his questions. JD said that they weren't able to control themselves. Jason said that it was every question. Howard said this turned into a whole day affair.
Howard said that he wants to mention one more thing. He said they'll hear the results next Tuesday. Ronnie asked if anyone was lying. Jason said he has some stats. He said that 14 people took the test and 3 staffers lied on every single question. Howard said that means they're taking it in the ass. Ronnie said he knew there were people there who did it. JD asked who he thinks did it. Ronnie said he thinks Benjy maybe. Howard said Tuesday is going to be a big day. Ronnie said maybe Memet too. He said he thinks he'll do anything. Howard asked about Nowicki. Ronnie said he thinks he wants to stick his dick in and fuck them hard and that's it. He doesn't think he cares about that other shit.
Howard said Gary is so worried about this. He said he thinks he's taken it in the ass. Howard said he's convinced something is going on with Fred too. Howard asked Fred if he wants to admit anything now. Fred said he will admit he failed the test and that's it. He said he's fine with people who want to have fun with their ass but he's not doing it. He said that they seem to be gay shaming and there's nothing wrong with wanting to do something with your ass. Howard said it's not gay shaming. He said he just finds it odd that Ronnie likes it and he must like gay stuff. Ronnie said it's not gay if a woman is doing it to you. Howard said if he asked Beth to do something like that to him she'd leave him. Ronnie said he doesn't know that. Howard said he does know it.
Howard asked Ronnie if he put his mouth on the dildo. Ronnie said no. Howard asked if that's gay if you do that. Ronnie said it's not gay because it's not a real cock.
Jason said that it's odd because he's not sure how a woman gets something out of it. He said it seems to be Ronnie is the one getting the pleasure. Ronnie said this girl was soaking wet when he got to her. He said she was running like a faucet. He said the thing that was attached to her had a clit thing that was vibrating. Howard said maybe she had a venereal disease. Howard asked if Robin has ever dripped like a faucet. Robin said no. Ronnie said that the bed was wet from her dripping. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie voices and goofed on him about all of that.
Robin said if a woman is dripping there must be something wrong with her. Ronnie said that he turned her on so much that she was dripping. Howard and Fred goofed on Ronnie some more about that. They were coming up with things that he could say about this dripping wet woman. They were talking about snorkeling with her and using a sump pump on her pussy.
Robin asked what bed that was. She said that every woman has wet the bed with him. Gary said that's the only thing that shows how good it was. Ronnie said that she was so wet he could do anything he wants. Benjy said he decided to take it in the ass. Ronnie said they just don't get it. He said it's part of the sexual pleasure that she gets and she will do stuff with you. Howard said she was dripping so much the kids drowned. Howard asked if Ronnie thinks JD has had shit in his ass. Ronnie said he thinks so. JD said he had a tongue in there but that's it. Ronnie said he thinks he's had more.
Howard asked about who was lying. JD said that 4 staffers told the truth on all. He said 6 answered no to all of the sex questions but that doesn't mean they told the truth. He said one staffer said that he has put something in his ass for pleasure. Jason went through some of the other stats about lies in the test.
Howard said that Gary was nervous. He said he was clearing his throat a lot during the test. Howard said you have to listen to Gary. He said he was very nervous. Howard played a clip of Gary clearing his throat a lot during the test.
Jason said that Gary was pacing in his office about the test and saying if he was the one who lied on every question he's going to be pissed. Gary said he knows Howard has taken a test and failed. Howard said he has passed the tests. Benjy said he took one where he failed and he insisted it was wrong. Howard said Gary is constantly clearing his throat. Gary said he has had a tough time the last 3 weeks with allergies. Howard said they're indoors. Gary said he does go outside. Howard said he should stay inside.
Jason said that Will got really worked up about this test. He said he freaked out when he suggested that they should have a punishment for liars. Ronnie said Will gets so drunk that anything is possible.
Will said that he isn't doing the punishment thing. He said he wasn't lying but that's not happening. Howard said they're not doing that. Howard asked Will if his friend ate a marshmallow out of his ass. Will said it was out of his cheeks. He said they were drunk. He said he thought it was funny at the time. Robin said there is a thing about gay drunkenness.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Gary is going to fail because he gets so worked up from everything. He said it's like the pitch. Howard said he's never seen someone so nervous about something. He told Gary he has to calm down. Howard said Gary has had plenty of ass play. Gary said that he'd tell them if something happened. He said that nothing happened. He said he had his asshole eaten but that was a long time ago. He said it hasn't happened in a long time.
Howard said all he knows is that 3 staffers lied completely on the test. Jason said there are several people who have lied on one of the questions throughout. Robin said that if they lie about it all that's one way to beat the test.
Gary said that Shuli came to him and said that his real name isn't Shuli and all of this. He said that he was saying that could come up as a lie. Howard said that's fine. He said if that's the only lie that's fine.
Will said that they're questioning their character by giving this test. Howard said they're not though. Gary said he thought they were going to do a lot of other shit. Howard said he can't make them answer questions. Gary said he would shame them until they did.
Howard said Ronnie likes this stuff. He said that he keeps saying he did it for her. Ronnie said it was a long time ago. He said that he did it for her because they had fun. Howard said that woman hung herself from a door knob. He asked if he's still in touch with her. Ronnie said no. Robin said of course not.
Howard said he admires Ronnie's honesty. He said he claims a lot of guys put stuff up their ass. He said they'll see if he's right. Howard asked where Ralph was that day. Ralph said he was busy that day. He said he had something up his ass.
Howard said the point he's making is that this is just the build up. He said this isn't the results. Jason said there are people who failed a lot of questions. He said 3 failed across the board. Howard said they'll find out more next week.
Ralph asked if they will know who these people are. Howard said yes. Jason said they are well known on the show. Howard said maybe Benjy was contest. Ralph said he bets Gary was one who failed a lot of questions. Benjy said Jon Hein looked nervous. Gary said Jon was just annoyed. Howard asked Jason if he thinks Jon was lying. Jason said he has the results so he can't say. He told him to ask someone else.
Benjy asked Howard if he thinks Ronnie is gay. Howard said he's not gay but he is desperate for love and attention. He said he was very frustrated before he got on the show. He said now he has Twitter and a bunch of celebrity friends. He said he needs action. He said if Stephanie didn't have sex with him he'd freak out. He said that's just who he is. Howard said you can't put enough stuff in this guy.
Howard said Ronnie isn't satisfied yet. Ronnie said he was trying out toys for the show. Robin said he had toys before the show. Ronnie said he didn't. Robin said he had cock rings and stuff. Ronnie said he did.
Howard said they have a male cock toy for him to fuck. Ronnie said he won't do that because it's a guy. He said he fucked the real doll because it was a girl. Howard said it's a piece of plastic. Howard said he has to go fuck that male toy. Ronnie said he doesn't want to do that. Howard said it's all plastic so what's the difference? Ronnie said that it's not a girl. Howard said the Justin Bieber doll is just plastic. He said he should fuck it.
Howard asked if he should be watching the Handmaid's Tale. Gary said he thinks so. Robin said she's having trouble with it. Howard said Beth is loving it. Gary explained what the show is about.
Howard said he's liking the show ''Six.'' He said he likes the show with the guys who are killing each other. He said that he's drawing a blank. Robin mentioned Badlands. JD said it's Into the Badlands. Howard said that's the show. He thanked Robin for that.
Howard said the lie detector test happened and he tickled Robin's ass with a feather. He said on Tuesday they'll have the results. He said he had some clips today and everyone should consider their asses tickled.
Howard said Ronnie said some of these guys are lying and they know some of them are already. Howard asked if Ronnie knows what vindicated means. Ronnie said he does. He said he does care. He said he is happy there are liars there. Howard said it means he was right. Ronnie said he knew he was right.
Gary asked how they know Jason isn't lying. Jason said there are two people who have seen the results of the test. He said it's him and the other producer. Howard asked if anyone wants to admit anything before Tuesday. He asked Fred. Fred said he failed the test and he knows that. He said he is not a good candidate for the lie detector. He said he failed the test about being gay. Howard said maybe he has some gay thoughts. Fred said he loves that people think they know how his brain is working.
Steve Nowicki came in to admit that he put his pinkie in his asshole when he was 19. He said it was just once. He said he didn't enjoy it and his finger smelled like shit for days. He said that he thinks he was truthful in the test. He said that he got 2 knuckles deep with his pinkie so that may have been more than an inch. He said that may come out as a lie on the test. Steve said he wanted to try it to see if the prostate thing was true.
Howard asked if Ronnie has ever put a pinkie up his ass. Ronnie said he did once when he was jerking off. He said he did the prostate deal. He said he used his middle finger. He said he lubed it first. He said he used Vaseline. Howard asked if he prepared this ahead of time. Ronnie said he has two fucking hands. He said that he had planned this after hearing about it. He said he put his knees up and did it while laying on his back. He said he was ready for it. He said as he was about to blow a load his finger went in his ass. Howard slowed him down to get the details. Will asked how deep he got. Ronnie said that the doctor uses his middle finger because that's the longest finger.
Howard asked if he did it more than once. Ronnie said he has but it's too much work. He said you have to clean your asshole after. He said you're all mushy after. He said that when you clean your finger you can see stuff. Howard asked if it was brown juice. Ronnie said it was.
Howard asked if Ronnie how deep in he went. Ronnie said he went in all the way with his finger. He said he went in until he touched his prostate. He said that he went full finger. Howard asked how long it was in there. Ronnie said it was just a couple of seconds. He said you massage it and then pull out your finger. He said the first time he didn't even look to see if he had shit on there. Benjy asked if it felt as good as a real cock. Ronnie asked what the fuck is wrong with him.
The guys were all asking questions about how it works and how you clean up if you have one dirty hand. Ronnie said just the finger was lubed. He said his other hand didn't have Vaseline. He went to the bathroom to clean up the finger.
Howard asked if anyone other than Nowicki wants to admit to anything. No one was coming in. Ronnie said they have to find out what was up his ass. He said he could be lying about the pinkie. Jason said that's why they phrased the questions the way they did.
Howard said he had a girl try to put a pinkie up his ass and he wasn't comfortable with that so he didn't let it happen. He said he never went back to her. Benjy asked if Beth wanted to do the pinkie thing would he do it for her. Howard said he wouldn't be comfortable with that.
Howard said he feels bad for the woman who wants to stick her tongue in a guy's ass. He said he's not into that. He said he'd like the woman to enjoy something. He said he's not into that an he doesn't need it.
Howard said imagine this girl put her tongue up JD's ass. Howard asked if JD can believe it. JD said even he can't. Robin said she has heard of women doing all kinds of things. JD said that girl was into doing it. He said he was kind of expecting it. He said he blew his load while she was doing it. Will asked if he had showered. JD said he doesn't remember.
Howard said no woman has ever done that to his ass. He said he was with some wild women too. He said he thinks the more time they spent with him the less they wanted to do that. JD said this woman was a hook up kind of thing. Howard said he probably took a shit that day and it wasn't fresh down there. He asked if he uses paper to wipe. JD said he's pretty sure he took a shower that night. Howard said there must be shit deep in that asshole.
Benjy asked if he did anything else with this girl. JD said it was a one night thing. He said they did a lot of fooling around. He said that it was just one night. He said she was a nice girl.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is the only real man there. He said all of the other guys are whiny mother fuckers. Howard said Ronnie took a strap on. He said they'll find out more next week. He told the caller to get a better phone connection.
Howard said he can't give Ronnie everything he wants. He said the guys are afraid of admitting it. He said Ronnie admitted it. Ronnie asked why they can't do it. Howard said they'll find out next week. Ronnie said they're ashamed. Jason said he won. He said he should be happier. Ronnie said he doesn't get why they can't come clean. Howard said he can ask next Tuesday.
Howard said they just shook the tree and Nowicki fell out. Ronnie said he's not sure why it had to come to this. Howard said people are ashamed of it.
Howard took a call from Chris Wilding in the back who was doing Ronnie a year from now. He was doing the voice of what he will sound like in a year. Ronnie told him to go put more makeup on his face. He said he saw him doing that this morning. Howard asked if he really did that. Chris asked what the fuck he's talking about. He said he was putting moisturizer on. He told Ronnie to mind his own business and worry about this own job. Ronnie said he was out there doing it in the hall.
Howard said they took audio of Ed asking the questions and called a random stranger. He said he loves this. Howard played the call where they had Ed asking the guy if his first name was all of the names of the guys there. Then they had Ed asking him the gay questions and the guy was admitting that he has done that gay stuff.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he would put his tongue in a girl's ass but if she wanted to do that to him he'd leave her. He said that's not what he wants. Howard said he broke it off with that girl who did the pinkie thing. Howard said she was attractive.
King said he'd tell her she was crazy. Howard said he bets King has had things up his ass. He said he knows he's tasted his own jizz. Howard said he's into girls peeing. King said he likes when their underwear is soiled. He said he doesn't like the shit but he likes when it's musty and yellow. Howard said there's a lot to learn on Tuesday. King said he calls it an all day custard.
Howard said on Tuesday they'll find out more. He said they'll have everyone in there. Howard said Ed will be there.
Robin said you can't dispute this stuff. Will said you yes you can. Howard said Will is acting guilty. He said he should wait until Tuesday to find out. Will said he's not guilty of anything. He said if he took a finger in his ass he'd tell him.
Howard said Steve came running in when he asked if anyone had anything to reveal. He said Will didn't freak out this much when his daughter fell out the window. Will said she was fine. Howard said this is freaking him out. Will said he knows the truth and nothing has been up there. Howard said this was fun but Tuesday's show is going to be serious. He went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said yesterday this Kid Kelly was making a big push. He said that he was on Dr. Phil. Howard said something weird is going on with this guy. Robin said she thought he didn't care. Howard said his wife said that. He cares. Howard said he's perplexed about why he wants to be in the hall of fame. He thanked the caller for bringing it up.
Howard said a couple of weeks ago he was saying that it was strange that someone is campaigning so hard to be in the radio hall of fame. He said they were put in against their will. He said they asked them not to put them in but they did it anyway. He said it's a difficult process to get in for most people. He said they stated a category where the audience can vote. He said this way they get people to talk about it. He said he wishes Kid Kelly didn't start this. He said it's lame. Howard said Kid Kelly is up for this nomination with some other people. He said the whole thing is humiliating. Robin said that guy works hard. Howard said he does. He said that his wife is into this and she's so caught up in it that she was worried that Angie Martinez was going to get it because she had a float in a parade. Howard said it's unbelievable.
Howard said the weird thing is that Kid Kelly got Pat Monahan to make a video for him. He said he was asking his audience to vote for Kid Kelly. He said he felt bad for Pat. He said he looks like a hostage in this video. Robin asked what kind of power Kid Kelly has to get Pat to do this. Howard said he is on Hits 1 there at Sirius. He said a lot of people want to be on there. He said maybe he's given them some favors or something.
Howard played the Pat Monahan video clip. In the clip Pat was asking his fans to vote for his good friend Kid Kelly. He even mentioned Howard Stern in the video. Howard said even he's involved in shit video now. He said he's calling in every favor he can. Howard said he never calls them in. He said he's too uncomfortable to do that.
Howard said a very famous person told him he would give help to him for North Shore. He said he actually called and his people said they knew nothing about it and hung up on him.
Howard said he's not sure what the connection is to Dr. Phil but they ran this thing on his show. Howard played a clip of that segment. They had a whole thing about how you can win 5 grand if you vote.
Robin asked if that's inside the Dr. Phil show. Howard said yes. He said something went on between Kid Kelly and Dr. Phil.
Gary said he's on Kid Kelly's web site now and he's got a ton of people who he went to for support. Howard said he understands that because they're performers. He said he can't figure out the Dr. Phil connection. He said he doesn't need to be in the hall of fame. Robin said he's making it a little too important.
Howard said he can say that this changes your life in no way at all when you get in. Robin said she doesn't even think about it until they bring it up here. Howard said he kind of liked it when he wasn't in it. Robin said she didn't ask to be in it.
Howard said he found it more honorable when the religious groups were against him. He said speaking of that they're after him again. He said the other day he played a clip from Good Morning America where they played a Mandy Moore clip from his interview. He said they left him in it saying ''fuck.'' JD said it was Gwyneth Paltrow. Howard said that's right. He said Robin Roberts looked like she was going to jump out a window when she heard the F-word. Robin said that she even mentioned it wouldn't be in the West Coast feed. Howard said the Parents Television Council filed a complaint against Sinclair's WJLA over that F-bomb. He said of course his name is in the article. He read the article where they talked about him using the F-word.
Howard said he hopes that the FCC realizes that people make mistakes once in a while. He said that they do claim that a child was in the room and heard his F-word and her head blew up so she's no longer with us. He said he thinks every kid by the age of 1 has heard that word. He said maybe they're right that they shouldn't hear the F-word but get over it. He said it's not that big of a deal. He said it was a mistake.
Howard asked if he should take another break here. Fred said he should. Howard said he'll stop the party if Fred insists. They went to break after that.
Howard said there was another place like that he used to go to. He said it was an island. Robin said it was Jumby Bay. Howard said that's it. He said they had a whole island named after that Jumby character. Fred told Howard he has more spots to do. He was talking about these vacation spots thinking he was back.
Howard said you want to go to nice places and you end up going to the same place over and over. He said George Clooney bought a place next to Cindy Crawford's place. He said they ended up selling that. Robin said they got tired of it. Howard said that's why you need this company. He finished up his commercial read. They finished up the commercial break after that.
After the break Howard came back and took a call from Tan Mom who asked if she's on. Howard said she is. Howard said they met Tan Mom after she was in the news with her kid after she was accused of taking her to the tanning booth. Tan Mom said she didn't bring her in there. She said they went to the jury with that. She said her daughter had a small sun burn on her back. She said it cost a lot of money to go through that. Howard said he's never seen anyone as tan as her. He said she told him she doesn't tan anymore. He said her skin color must have a permanent tan.
Tan Mom said she went to ''Montenero'' on her honeymoon. She was telling Howard about this island she went to. Howard said he's sure that's fascinating. He cut her off and asked what he can do for her. Tan Mom said she was thinking about Wendy the Slow Adult and she cares for people. Howard said he has the feeling there is no point to this call. He had to explain the bit she was referring to from yesterday's show. Howard said that Tan Mom doesn't even have a home for Wendy to go to anymore.
Howard asked Tan Mom what she's doing for a home. Tan Mom said she lives in a hotel but she wants to move to Florida. She said the kids are with her too. Howard said he thought she had no money. Tan Mom said she has money. She said that everything will pan out. Howard asked if she has anything else. Tan Mom said she will be in a Beauty Battle on some channel. Howard said Shuli is there to translate. Howard asked Shuli to do it in her voice. Shuli said she's doing a transformation. He did it in her voice. Tan Mom said she's getting her lips and hair done.
Shuli said this guy Damon who does the celebrity boxing stuff is putting her on this show. He said she's going to get full makeup and hair done. He said then she's getting lip injections. Shuli said she's up against another woman. Howard asked if it's a competition. Shuli said it is. Howard asked if there's a TV network that's airing this. Shuli said that Damon says it'll be a pay-per-view.
Howard asked Shuli to do all of Tan Mom's different moods. Shuli went through a bunch and told Howard about how he called her last week to talk to her and went through all of that.
Howard said the special is airing on North Korean TV. Tan Mom said it's all about having fun. Howard said he has the sound of happiness. He played the air horn from the Puerto Rican Day Parade.
Shuli asked Tan Mom if she's still seeing that guy from Texas who was going to fly her out there. Tan Mom said that didn't work out. She said she doesn't like people telling her what to do.
Howard asked if her vagina is tanned. Tan Mom said it's perfect. Howard asked if the labia can dry out. Tan Mom said it's fine. Howard said he thinks if you put your labia in there it can start to look like beef jerky. Howard said he's being serious. Tan Mom said she just adds water twice a day. Howard said it's like fried Calamari. Shuli said it's like putting an ear in the oven.
Howard said he'd cover that up down there if he was in a tanning booth. Tan Mom said it's very moist and fresh down there. Howard said the labia are super sensitive. Robin said they do have a lot of nerve endings. Howard and Shuli were doing their Tan Mom voices talking about the dried up labia. Howard said they look like boxing gloves. They had a lot of descriptions for it.
Howard said that he'd be worried for real if he was in a tanning booth. Robin said she would try to cover them but she thinks Tan Mom goes in naked. Howard said she just wants that even tan. Howard said her majoras look like the colonel's chicken. Shuli said her majoras have cotton mouth.
Howard was cracking up at Shuli's impression of Tan Mom. Tan Mom was cracking up on the phone too.
Shuli said Tan Mom Facetimed him and he has a still. He showed it and Howard said her eyes are glowing. Howard had Shuli doing his Tan Mom voice but talking like Riley Martin. Howard let Tan Mom go a short time later. He played her off with a song parody.
Howard said he loves when she says ''Eww.'' He said he loves her. He let Shuli go after that. Fred had a drop of her saying ''Eww'' too.
Howard played a clip of Pastor Jesse talking about the jets he's had and how he's burning them up for the lord. He said that he believes that he has to go on every outlet to get the word out. He showed pictures to his followers.
Howard said that guy is a happy dude. Robin said of course he is. Howard asked why he has to fly private. He said that he could do it on TV. He said he told his followers that he'd be flying in a private plane. He played a clip of Jesse talking about his own fuel farm and wacky stuff like that. Howard said he must be the most successful preacher out there. He played more audio and the guy was talking very fast. Robin said you have to when you're weaving that kind of bullshit.
Howard said they looked up how much it costs to maintain something like that. He said it's millions of dollars a year.
Howard said he doesn't use any of that cheap shit. He said he has to have balls to ask for that. He said it's no different than begging in the street. He said then tell people you have direct conversations with Jesus. Howard said they should hook him up with a lie detector test and ask if he has really spoken to Jesus.
Gary said he was reading about how Oral Roberts told his followers that if they didn't give him 8 million dollars that the lord was going to take him. He said they sent him 9 million.
Howard said Joel Osteen must have his own jet too. He said he might have a whole fleet. Howard played more of this Pastor Jesse talking about his jet and why he needs one.
Howard said he hopes that Kimberly fucks Don's brains out. He said that maybe it'll stop him from killing these beautiful animals. He said they're so beautiful. He said that they claim to be Christians. He said that he hopes she fucks his brains out so he has no energy to go kill animals.
Mike asked if it makes her less sexy if she's dating him. Howard said Kimberly is always sexy no matter who she's dating. Howard said it should be ''Blow a Trump. Save a Giraffe.'' He said that should be the new saying.
Howard said if you know anything about firearms it's not hard to hit a big target like an elephant. He said it takes almost zero know how to kill something like that. He said you just aim the dot in the laser at the animal and kill it.
Howard said he wants Kimberly to peg Don with a dildo and drain him. He said that she needs to suck the desire to kill elephants right out of him. He said she's going to wear him out.
Howard had a conversation between Jr. and Kimberly. He had her doing stuff to him to make him forget about hunting. He said he wants her to drain the swamp. He kept going with that for a few minutes. Howard said she has to drain that swamp. He said the swamp is his balls. He said she has to do whatever she has to do to keep him from hunting. He said he has never met the gentleman. He said that he has no problem with him. He said he has met Ivanka. Robin said he met him right there on the couch. Robin said he was on that couch. Howard said Ivanka is a good looking woman. Robin said he was with her that day. Howard said good enough. Howard did a live commercial read after that and then went to break.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he thinks if you practice enough that you can be that good. Fred said yes. He said he's as good as Billy. Howard asked if he could play what Billy played. Fred said if he learns it he could. He said he'll do that and have it by Monday. Robin asked if he could write that song. Fred said that's a hard one. Howard said if he sings the song can Fred play it. Fred said he'd butcher it. Howard said he will sing it and Fred and play. Fred said he'll do it on Monday.
Robin asked if they're going to stand over there in the band area and do it like the Smashing Pumpkins. Howard said sure they will.
Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard said he loves that song. He said it was all about Robin converting a gay man to be straight. He said what a song.
Robin started her news with a story about Richard Simmons suing a private investigator who tracked his whereabouts through his housekeeper. Howard said he was forgotten about until he disappeared. He said now he's involved in lawsuits and all of this. Howard said at some point he's going to disappear and there will be a frenzy around him. Robin gave Howard some more details about how the housekeeper was tracked with a tracker on her car. Howard said he thinks Richard loves this. Robin said he claims that the National Enquirer has put people up to following him around. Howard said if they are trying to find out something private about him that's wrong. He said that he is in demand now though. Robin said you wonder why he's retreating from life now. Howard said he's an older guy now and he's probably had enough.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved that song parody. He said he has to play that again. Howard said it really was a good one. He said that was by ZZ Topless. Howard said Chris Wilding actually did that one.
Robin read a story about the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. Robin said Kate's husband came out in a bunny mask because he doesn't want people following him around. Howard said that's very strange. He said that they don't need pictures of the guy. He said he has a young daughter and he should be left alone. Howard said Fred goes out in public like that too. Robin said there's also people wondering why Anthony Bourdain committed suicide. Robin said it doesn't have to be just one specific reason. Robin said Bourdain's girlfriend is being called into question. Robin said they have to say that they had an open relationship because she was with someone else at a film festival. Howard said if he ever does that you can blame Fred. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's obsessed with the new app and the video. She said he has very long fingers. Howard said he does and it's hard to believe he has a small penis. He said he has pretty hands and feet too. He said he thinks it's a joke that he has such pretty feet and hands.
Robin read a story about Jada Pinkett Smith and her daughter and mom are doing a Facebook show together. Howard said her mom is surprisingly youthful looking. He said they have such good looking people in that family. He said the grandmother doesn't look so bad. Howard said he lasted about 5 minutes watching the show. Robin said it's all about sex apparently. Howard said when he's on his computer he wants things fast. Robin said they were talking about vagina hair styles. Howard said he was getting creeped out by that. Robin had some audio for Howard to play from that show. They were talking about Willow seeing her parents having sex. Howard said she ran away but Ronnie jerked off when he had a similar thing happen to him as a kid. Robin had some audio of Jada talking about being addicted to sex toys. Howard said she's talking about this with her kid. He said that might not be appropriate. That led to Howard doing his mom and dad's voices talking about that kind of stuff with him. Howard kept that going for a few minutes. He had his mom talking about her vaginal hair and his dad having to use a machete to get in there. Howard had his mom talking about taking his temperature anally and things like that.
Robin read a story about Jerry Seinfeld starting something. She said he did that Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and Netflix ended up buying it. She said she thinks that's what the Smiths might be looking for. Howard was still in his mom character talking about the long hairs her husband has down there. She said Howard has hairs longer than his penis. Howard said people would have to listen to that show.
Robin asked if Howard was a teacher and he had a student in his class who is transitioning. the teacher refuses to use the new name for the kid. What's going on there. Howard said it's a homophobe. Howard said it's a real trauma to go through that in life. Howard said that it's a genetic thing. He said if the kid wants to be called by a woman's name then just do it. He said he'd get up and tell the kids if they make fun of this kid he's sending them to the principal. Robin said the teacher got to plead his case in front of the school board. Robin had some audio of the guy asking to be reinstated. Howard said just be nice to people who are different. He said just have some compassion. Howard said he might be called a hypocrite. He said that he can't call Fred ''Eric'' even though he changed his name. Fred said he didn't even ask them to do that. He said he just had his new name on his FCC license and someone saw it.
Robin read a story about suicide and how some medications that are used these days might be affecting that. Robin read about how some of those drugs used for various conditions may lead to depression.
Howard said Brent's last name isn't really Hatley. Brent said that's his step father's name. He said his biological name was different. He said he wants nothing to do with that family. Howard said he's hiding from people. He said he gets it now. Howard asked if his dad had anything to do with him. Brent said his middle name is Lee and he was named after Robert E. Lee. He said that should tell you something. He said he didn't see his dad from 4-12 years old. He said he has other family members that he has no interest in. He said he will never give out his real last name.
Howard asked if Brent's dad ever hit him. Brent said not him. He said he did see domestic violence growing up though. He said he saw his biological father at 12 and he wanted nothing to do with him. He said his father is dead now. Howard asked if he's Brent Weinstein. Brent laughed. Howard said he could be Brent Cosby. He said good story. He said he's with him on that. He said Fred had the same thing with his father. Howard took a call from Brent's dad. It was the guys in the back playing Hitler clips. Howard said if his dad was abusive and some other guy raised him he'd take his name too. He said he gets it.
Howard said Sal's dad changed Sal's name when he was growing up. He just came home one day and said his name wasn't Sal anymore. He said he gave him some other name. Howard asked Sal to come in and tell that story real fast. Sal came in and said he asked his grandmother to borrow money and she said no so he's named after her dad. He said his dad came home and changes his and his sister's names. He said that went on for a month and a half. He said his dad called him Tony for that month and a half. He said his mom had to do it and she eventually got on the phone. Howard said they should call Sal Tony.
Robin read a story about Dennis Hof running for state legislature in Nevada. Robin said he's republican and he's favored to win. Robin said that he says that Trump is his mentor. Robin said the pimp Dennis Hof has won the nomination. Robin said he might be a lawmaker very soon.
Robin read a story about Trump returning home from his meeting with Kim Jong Un. Robin said this is the first time a president has sat down with a leader from North Korea. Robin said he believes this will lead to full denuclearization. Robin said they're not sure what the next steps will be. Robin said some people are surprised that Trump is going to stop military actions in South Korea. Robin said when Trump got home he got right into it with Robert De Niro via Twitter. Robin said De Niro had said ''Fuck Trump'' at the Tony Awards. Robin said Trump ended up name calling him and called him a very low IQ individual. Robin said Trump called him punch drunk. Howard said he thinks De Niro would win in a fist fight. Howard said Trump must have his own JD who pulls clips for him to watch.
Robin read a story about how Rudy Giuliani is still apparently cheating. Robin said that he has cheated before. Robin said this was big news in the Post today. Robin said he's 74 years old. Howard said good for him if he's still able to fuck at that age.
Robin read a story about Ivanka and Jared Kushner reporting their financials. Robin read the details of that. She had some audio of someone talking about that too.
Robin read a story about the Kentucky Derby that happened this week. Robin said the horse Justify won the triple crown. Howard said he doesn't like to watch horses run. He said all they do is run. Robin said he enjoys it. She said that Justify did incredible. She said his jockey was a 52 year old man. Robin said it's the oldest person ever to win the triple crown. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 10:55am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.