- Unnamed Vacation Special - Day 4. 03/05/15. 7:00am
Howard is off this week so they played an unnamed vacation special where they played various ''Best Of'' segments from the Howard Stern Show. Here's what they played today:
- Artie Pukes - December 16, 2002. 03/05/15. 7:00am
First up on today's unnamed vacation special they played a segment where they talked about Artie puking on his way to a comedy show. Here's my rundown from that day:
Various Stuff. 12/16/02. 6:05am
Howard started off the show playing a clip from ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' (daytime edition) where he was part of a question. It was a $1000 question.
Gary came in and told Howard that he had to hear a story about Artie. Stuttering John came in and said they did a big show down in Philly on Friday night. He said that Artie ate a two cheese steaks before they left within about 2 minutes. He grabbed two more for the limo ride back to the city. In the limo were producer Sam Simon and Artie's girlfriend Dana. He ate the cheese steaks and ended up having the limo pull over because he had to puke. Artie said his girlfriend was a little upset with him. He said it was just that he ate too fast. John thought it was funny because this big producer Sam Simon was in the car with him at the time. Artie said he attempted to have sex after that but Dana said ''Are you kidding?''
Stuttering John told some other stories about going to a strip club with Sam Simon and how they almost got kicked out for no good reason.
Howard bragged that he was having sex with Beth in front of his dog Bianca this weekend and the dog started to cry when he mounted her from behind. Howard said it was weird but he liked having someone watching.
Gary came back in a couple minutes later and said he got some more stories about Artie from Sam Simon. He told Gary that Stuttering John told Dana that she shouldn't be upset with Artie if he just pukes once in a while. John said that was true but he changed the subject and said the sounds Artie made while he was puking were pretty funny. He did an impression of the puking sounds and said he was working on the impression as soon as he heard it. Artie said that he asked John what time he was going to bring this up on the show Monday morning, ''6:01 or 6:02?'' Gary said John wanted to tell him about it at 5:40 this morning but he was working on something and it had to wait.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard to get rid of this guy Double A who calls in because his calls just suck. Howard had Double A on the phone so he put them on together. Double A defended himself and tried to tell the guy that his calls aren't that bad and he shouldn't be kicked off the show. Howard let the two of them go at each other for a short time. The guy said that people like Melrose Larry are the calls he should allow through, not Double A. After the arguments Double A was asking Howard if he could drop off his Beth O calendar for Howard to give to Beth so she could autograph it. Howard didn't really want to do that though. He likes Double A and all but he doesn't want to go through a whole thing with the calendar.
- Howard's Heat - December 4, 2003. 03/05/15. 7:15am
Next on today's special they played a segment where Howard talked about the heat not working in his apartment. Here's my rundown from that day:
Karaoke, Phone Calls And Heating Problems. 12/4/03. 6:00am
A listener called in and said that his dog screwed his buddy's daughter who is only 2 and a half or 3 years old. Howard said he's seen that happen before with little kids. The guy who called in the story had a lame punch line to the fake call though. He said the kid looked up and said ''Am I going to have puppies?'' Howard hung up on him and spent a few more seconds talking about that.
A caller mentioned that there was an episode of ''The Larry Sanders Show'' where Warren Zevon, John Ritter and Gene Siskel were all on. All three of them are dead now. Howard talked about how much that sucks that they're all dead so young. He talked about that for a few seconds.
Howard said he hasn't been able to get much sleep lately. He explained how he had some changes done to his apartment a few years ago where they removed some big, ugly heating units. He said you don't see the big boxes anymore but now he has no heat at the start of the winter. Then when he gets it fixed the pipes start clanging during the night and he can't sleep. He complains about the stuff and the people who installed everything want him to pay them every time they come out to fix it. Howard said he's got to call in someone new to get it fixed the right way. He said he might just have to shut the heat off at night and just freeze. He said the whole thing is a nightmare. He said when they call and complain, the people basically say that it's not their problem.
- Chuck Roast - May 28, 2003. 03/05/15. 7:25am
Next on today's special they played a segment where Howard talked about their new program director Chuck Roast. Here's my rundown from that day:
Cabbie Calls In About His Weekend And Race Team. 5/28/03. 6:50am
That led to the guys talking about the new Program Director at the station. Howard said he thought the new Program Director was blind or something. He was apparently staring at a wall while Howard was talking to him so he wondered if he's got vision problems. Gary said he had the same problem and wasn't sure what was up with that but he doesn't think he's blind. Howard went on to talk about how he hopes this guy can do something at the station but he doesn't think he'll be able to because Tom Chiusano is such a nightmare to work for. He said the previous Program Director, Steve Kingston, told him what a nightmare it was working for Tom. Howard said the Program Director they have now used to go by the name ''Chuck Roast'' out in L.A. and goofed on that a little bit. Howard was talking about how cheap Tom is and Gary told him someone gave him an analogy about how Tom works and said something like ''Tom gives you a box of wooden matches and wants you to build a house.'' Gary said that Tom also freaked out and wants to get rid of a guest they have coming up. Howard said the guy who can give himself oral is not allowed to do that when he comes in because Tom freaked and went to the lawyers about it. Howard said that Tom is pushing him into an early retirement from that station. He said he can't wait to get away from Tom and go do something somewhere else in some other medium. Howard said Tom is a really nice guy but he's the biggest dimwit. Howard said they need a different General Manager there at the station because that job is very important.
Gary and Howard talked about how this new Program Director, Chuck Roast, doesn't seem like the kind of guy who will be able to confront Tom over stuff or stand up to the record companies. Gary said Steve Kingston was great at that stuff and could get what he wanted from record companies that dicked him around. Gary and Howard talked about how it looked when Tom was walking the new PD around the station yesterday. Howard said the new guy looked like a ''lost intern'' as Tom was dragging him around. Artie said he almost asked the guy for a cup of coffee yesterday. Howard said he thinks the problem with the ratings is Tom, not the program directors who can't do what they want to do because of the non-existent budget. Howard talked about how Tom has gotten rid of a bunch of the people who work in the programming department. They said the new guy is going to have to try and control Crazy Cabbie now. Gary said that Steve Kingston was able to keep him under control somehow but this new guy doesn't seem like the type of guy who will be able to do that.
Howard said he blew off Tom and ''Chuck Roast'' yesterday but he said he'd be willing to have a meeting with him sometime if they set up an appointment. Robin said she was even thrown for a loop when she was introduced to the guy. Tom came in a short time later and said that ''Chuck'' asked him to take him around and introduce him to the people at the station. Howard told Tom it looked like a father dragging around his son introducing him to people. Howard asked Tom who will be handling Cabbie. Tom will probably be handling those duties. Howard seems to think that Cabbie's days are numbered there if that's the case. Howard asked Tom if the gave ''Chuck Roast'' his budget news yet. Tom said they haven't had that talk yet and Howard said that's because there is no budget. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Tom for a few seconds. Howard then asked Tom what was up with him getting rid of this guest who can please himself orally. Tom told Howard the bit was ''flawed'' and they just can't do it on the air. Howard told Tom he's out of there in 2 and a half years because of stuff like that. He said he's marking off the days on a wall in his apartment until he gets out of there.
Tom was getting ready to leave and Howard pointed out that Tom yelled at KC for wearing his cap backwards the other day. That's the same guy who had just told Howard that he likes to have fun more than anyone at the station. Artie also pointed out that there is doody on the toilets at the station. Howard said Tom is kind of ''Rock 'n Roll'' if he leaves doody on the toilets. They continued to goof on him for a few minutes before Howard had to take a commercial break.
- Basketball Game Recap - March 21, 1997. 03/05/15. 7:45am
Next on today's unnamed vacation special they played a segment where they recapped a basketball game Howard and Jackie played. Here's my rundown from that day:
Jackie VS Howard - The Results. 3/21/97. 8:00am
Yesterday's big basketball game didn't go the way everyone thought it would. Everyone was betting that Jackie would win the 7 point game. Well the game started off in Jackie's favor. He got his first 2 points within 5 seconds. After that it was all down hill. Howard ended up beating The JokeMan 7 to 2. Howard was ready to collect his money but nobody had their money with them. Jackie bet $200 that he would win. Stuttering John bet $100 on Jackie, Gary had the same bet. Jackie wants a rematch but this time the game would be to 21 points. Howard played the videotape of the game during this segment but it's hard to picture. It sounds like Jackie was winded within a minute of starting the game. That was his excuse for the loss. Next week there will be 2 more games. Jackie VS Gary and Howard VS Fred. That should be another interesting show.
- T.I. - December 4, 2008. 03/05/15. 8:10am
Next on today's unnamed vacation special they played an interview segment with rapper T.I. Here's my rundown from that day:
Rapper T.I. Visits. 12/04/08. 8:55am
Howard said that rapper T.I. was there so he asked the guys to bring him in. Howard thanked him for coming by when he came in. Artie said he saw him in ''Entourage'' and some other stuff. Howard asked where T.I. grew up. He grew up in Atlanta. He said he lived in a pretty tough neighborhood down there. He said that it was in Bankhead and it was a little less than upper class there.
Howard asked T.I. about his upbringing and found out he was raised by his grandmother. T.I. said that his parents weren't around but he doesn't get too upset about that. He said he misses his mom sometimes but he gets over it. T.I. said he lost his virginity at 11 to a 13 or 14 year old. Howard said he didn't even know he had a dick back then. Howard said he thought he was the man losing it at 16 but now he doesn't feel that way. He said that T.I. must have been a good looking kid at 11 if he was getting it that young.
Howard told T.I. that he's a big fan of this song he did with Rhianna. He said he'd love to do her. He asked T.I. if he got to do her. T.I. didn't get her but he said he has worked with her on some shows and stuff.
Howard asked T.I. about his weapons and drug bust. T.I. said that he's got a curfew now and restricted hours that he can go out. He said he hasn't been doing any drugs since that bust either. He said he gave up the weed after that.
Robin asked T.I. what he was doing buying those heavy artillery guns. T.I. said that it wasn't about looking cool or anything. He said that he has dangers in his life that are very real and back in 2006 his best friend was killed right in front of him. He said that someone made an attempt on his life and ended up killing his friend. He said there are people out there who would rather kill him over his success instead of just congratulating him.
T.I. said that after you go through extreme conditions like that you have a lot of paranoia about your safety. The people who killed his friend weren't brought to justice either so he has a lot of worries about that stuff. Howard asked if he explained that to the judge. T.I. said he didn't get to say much to the judge at all. T.I. said that he hoped that he wouldn't have to use those guns ever.
T.I. said that he's safer now than he's ever been. He said he's monitored by the feds daily now so he's very safe. He said he has to go to jail for a year now and he thinks it might be a good thing to get his life in order.
T.I. said that he has been to jail before so he knows what to expect. He said that if you have never walked in the shoes of someone like him then you don't know what it's like. Howard said that the guys in prison are probably going to ask him to set them up on the business and stuff. T.I. said that those conversations are going to be very short.
Howard said that T.I. has to do a year and a day in prison. Robin asked if he's going to lift weights and stuff in there. T.I. said that there are no weights to lift. Howard asked if he's going to have conjugal visits. He said he won't do that and won't allow visitors. Howard said he'd come to visit. T.I. said he doesn't want anyone coming to visit. He said he'd rather have people remember him as he was.
Howard said that T.I. will be able to beat off in prison if he wants. Artie said that he was in county jail for 13 hours and even he beat off. He said he did that 3 times in 13 hours.
Howard said that T.I. wrote this latest album while he was under house arrest. He said he made good time out of that house arrest.
T.I. has 6 kids and he's only 28 years old. Robin asked what that's all about. Robin asked how many baby mamas he's got. T.I. said there are 3 mothers for his kids. Howard asked if he ever wears rubbers. He said he does when he needs to. He said he's going to miss his kids while he's away but he'll be able to put all of that behind him once he's done.
T.I. said that he's got a lot of stuff going on while he's away. He's got a bunch of stuff that will be working for him while he's away. Howard played the T.I. and Rhianna song off his album Paper Trail that he likes.
Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who asked why T.I. doesn't want to see his kids. Howard said he doesn't want to see anyone. Dominic said that they might be willing to let him get out earlier than the year. He said there are various programs that could get him out earlier. Dominic asked if he's wearing a monitor now. T.I. said that he is. He asked if this was his P.O. on the phone.
Howard asked to see the monitor on his leg. T.I. showed it to him and Howard said ''look at the size of that thing.'' T.I. asked if he was talking about the monitor or something else. He said that he's heard that from some people before when he wasn't wearing the monitor.
Howard asked T.I. about how the song came up and if he hears the whole thing in his head. T.I. said that the backing track was made up and he just came up with the lyrics for it.
Howard talked to T.I. about his life now and how many cars he has and stuff like that. T.I. said that he doesn't have a stripper pole in his house or anything like that. He said that he's very exclusive with the women he's with. He said he has one woman right now. He said that she's 32 or 33 years old. Howard said that's a little old for him. T.I. said he likes it that way. He's not into the younger chicks. Howard asked him why he's settling down with just one. T.I. said he's happy.
Howard asked T.I. if he has a name for his house. T.I. said he just calls it ''my house.'' He didn't name it ''Bubble Hill'' or anything like Eddie Murphy would do.
Howard asked T.I. what famous people he hangs out with. He said he's hung out with will Smith and his wife and some other people. He said that party was nice and they had good food there. Howard said that Tom Cruise was supposedly at that party. T.I. said he didn't see him there.
Howard asked T.I. who else he saw at that party. T.I. said he didn't want to say because it was kind of a private thing.
Howard gave T.I. a plug for his album and clothing line Akoos. It stands for A King Of One Self. That stuff is available at Macy's. T.I. said he's got partners in that business but he's definitely hands on with it.
Howard said he likes the facial hair that T.I. has and he might have to give that a try. Howard said Robin seems to be getting all wet over that. Howard asked her if she would do him. She said she wouldn't but Howard told T.I. that she's dating a 25 year old. Howard said she's been with white guys and black guys. Howard told T.I. that she dated Mr. X for 10 years and he was even darker black than he is. T.I. got a laugh out of that.
Howard asked T.I. who he thinks is the hottest chick out there. He said that most of them are taken right now. Howard said he could name them. T.I. said that he likes Alicia Keys. Howard said her ass is way too big. T.I. said there is no such thing. He said that a big ass is cool as long as the waist is small. He said he doesn't eat ass though. Fred threw in a fart sound and got a big laugh out of T.I.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard and T.I. have things in common. He said that he and T.I. have ended careers. He said that T.I. should tell them about this guy Little Flip. T.I. said he and that guy got into a fight years ago.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he's a big fan of T.I. and his finding God. T.I. said that he's definitely seen that god has a hand in his life. He said he's survived a lot of stuff and he figures that you don't go through that stuff without help from above.
King of All Blacks called in and said he likes this new album. He said that he's second to Jay-Z and that's a big compliment of all time. Howard asked why he's second to him. King said that Jay-Z is the best and he'll always be number one to him. Howard said he thinks that T.I. is even better than Jay-Z and he's not afraid to talk about that. T.I. said that Jay-Z was only on his second album by the time he was his age. He's on his sixth.
Howard asked Artie to sing the Biggie Smalls song he knows. Artie went right into it and recited the whole thing with the N-word intact. T.I. told him to take it easy there. He said he got away with one mention of the word. Artie said he's cool.
Howard asked T.I. about his kids and found out some of the names. He has a King, Messiah, Major and Deja among others. Artie said he's going to name his kid in an old school way and just name him Disappointment.
Howard played some more stuff off of T.I.'s album. He asked what the song was about. T.I. said it's about the woman he's with now.
Gary asked T.I. what he does when he has the feds around him and wants to bang chicks. He said he's able to do that without a problem. Howard gave T.I. some more plugs for his album and wrapped up and then went to break.
- High Pitch Eric - July 20, 2010. 03/05/15. 9:00am
Next on today's unnamed vacation special they played a segment where Howard talked to High Pitch Eric and his friend Laura. Here's my rundown from that day:
Riley Martin Show Clips. 07/20/10. 7:45am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal made to a pizzeria where he left his name which was just a bunch of random letters and numbers. Fred played Van Halen's ''Jump'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he was listening to Riley Martin's show from last night. He said that there were some moments to share. He got distracted by the cold air in the studio though. He said it was too cold in there. He said that he wants them to raise it just a few degrees. Just a hair. Scott the Engineer came in to adjust it. He said he'd raise it like 1 degree.
Howard said Riley signed on to his show and wasn't able to get the date right. He said it was a good show. Howard played the clip and Riley was mumbling and slurring his words as he said the date which was wrong. Riley thanked Tim Sabean, a saint of a man, who gave him another show to do. He said if he had 3 hours of show per week he wouldn't bother Tim anymore. He said he won't bother Tim until 2012 if he gives him that. Howard said they're only there until 2011 so he's not sure how Riley is going to pull that off.
Howard said Riley was shouting out by the end of the show. Someone tried to get him riled up about them but it didn't work. Howard played the clip of the caller trying to get him pissed. Riley said Howard is a joke type guy so he doesn't let it get to him. Riley said that Howard is a guy who likes to screw with people like a porcupine. Riley was slurring his words and had trouble thinking of words.
Howard said Riley got even crazier toward the end of the show. He played another clip where he was giving his shout outs and slurring every name he mentioned. Riley gave shout outs to a bunch of people and to some hotel. He was going on and on as the show was coming to an end. Howard said that went on for like 3 minutes. Howard said the guy wants 3 hours a week and people can barely get through this one hour.
Howard said this is some show. He can't imagine there are more than 100 people listening to the show. Robin said if he had any sense at all he could be a great broadcaster but he has no sense. Howard said the guy has learned nothing. Howard let the clip play through some more as Riley read through his 3 minutes of plugs. Robin figured he was mentioning every listener he has. Howard said he can't imagine that those people are even listening to the show. Howard said that went on all night. He said that he was thanking raw chocolate at one point.
High Pitch Eric And Laura Visit. 07/20/10. 7:55am
Howard said High Pitch Eric was there. He said that he has an update about his life. He showed up with some girl today too. Howard said that he was barely able to walk in there. Eric said his heel hurts. He said it's very sore but he's not sure why. Eric said it hurts when he wakes up in the morning. Howard said he weighs like 300 pounds. Eric said he thinks he's lost a few pounds since he started working. Eric said he thinks he's under 300 pounds now.
Howard said Eric is the one they should have IQ tested. Robin said she doesn't think that he's retarded. Howard said he's a high functioning adult. He said he's like borderline. Howard asked Gary why they didn't test him. Gary said it didn't come up when they were discussing it.
Eric said that he was in Special Ed in school so he is slow. Howard said they should find out. Eric said he'll find out when he's off next week and he'd take an IQ test. Gary asked if he was busy this week. Eric said he's working Thursday through Sunday. He said he'll find out about next Monday when he gets his schedule.
Howard said KC got an 88 on his IQ test at K-Rock and he was much brighter than Eric. Eric said that he was tested back then and he was found to be smarter than KC. Howard said he heard KC is in the area. He said they should get him in there too.
Eric claims that he graduated high school on time. He said that he had different teachers for Special Ed. Howard asked him what 16 plus 18 is. Eric said he didn't know off the top of his head. Howard told him to take his time. Eric said it was 72. He said he just guessed that. Eric tried to do the math and came up with 27. Howard said he's more in the ball park now. Howard told him to try doing 16 plus 16 and then add 2. Eric said he can't do it off the top of his head. Gary asked if he could do it with a pen and paper. Eric said he could do that. He finally came up with 34 after getting a pen and paper.
Howard asked what other kinds of questions they ask. Gary said he won't know the general knowledge questions. He said they also give a bunch of numbers and they have you repeat them. He gave him 5, 7, 9, 2, 8. Eric repeated them. Howard said he got that one right. Gary said that's the kind of questions they'll have for him. He told Eric to do those same numbers in numerical order. Eric said 2, 5, 7, 9 and 8. He got that wrong.
Gary said they're doing the bit on Thursday next week so Eric would have to take the test before that. Gary said he'll try to get it tomorrow if Eric is available. Eric said he can do it tomorrow afternoon.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave them the rundown of what's considered borderline retarded and what's average in an IQ test. He said that 79 is borderline. He said that 69 and below is cognitively impaired. He said they don't have a ''retarded'' category anymore. Howard said they should test KC for real.
Howard said he thinks that KC would beat Eric. He said Eric has some major problems. Eric said we all do. Gary said he has major problems until he has to con people and get free shit out of them. He said he's not that dumb. When he passes a bad check, is that stupid or smart. Howard said he gets caught though. Robin said that Eric knows that it's a bad check and someone like Wendy the Retard doesn't even know what that is.
Gary asked if it's retarded when someone goes in and asks for a bunch of cell phones that he's never going to pay for. Howard said that's not retarded.
The caller was giving them the rundown of what was smart and not. Gary lowered his expectations for Eric after that. He said he'll guess he's going to get a 78 instead of an 88. Eric asked what kind of questions they'll have on this test. Howard said he'll have to do some shape things and math and things like that. Howard gave him an example and asked what 18 plus 16 is. Eric remembered it was 34.
Eric said he went into a test to help him learn how to get a job. He said that was tough. Robin asked what 18 plus 17 was. Eric said 32. Howard asked again and he said 36 and eventually came up with 35. Howard asked Eric how many hot dogs he has shit out if he ate 28 and shit out 1/4 of them. Eric didn't know until he got some help from Howard and Gary.
Howard told Eric to name a sour food. Eric said ''Jolly Ranchers.'' That got some laughs out of the guys. Howard said he'd love to get a hold of KC. He said that Grillo is another one. Gary said that maybe they should take the slot away from Gary the Retard and give that to Eric. Howard said they should do that. They know Gary the Retard is retarded.
Howard asked Eric what he's doing now. He has a job at the Hard Rock at Yankee Stadium. He said he has to hand out plastic cups so no one walks out with glass bottles. Howard said that they have picture of him with his fingers in the plastic cups. Eric said that's not true. He said he loves that job and he wouldn't do that. Robin said that she wouldn't go into that place if she saw Eric there.
Howard asked Eric where he's living. Eric said he's renting a room in Queens. He said that he found that on CraigsList. Howard said that he can't imagine the guy who would let him move in after everything he's done. Howard said the guy must be wild. Eric said he cleans his room every morning and he keeps it nice. He said he pays his rent and he's doing really good with that whole thing. He doesn't have any pets right now. He said he doesn't need them right now.
Howard asked what he does for a kitchen. Eric said he has a refrigerator in his room and he uses the kitchen to cook for himself. Howard asked about going out to eat at McDonald's. He eats apple pie and milk shakes. He said he eats 2 pies and one shake. That's what a typical lunch is for Eric.
Howard asked Eric what this guy asked him before he took him in as a roommate. Eric said he had to tell him where he worked and things like that.
Howard had Eric stand on the scale to see how fat he was. Howard said the guy is the size of a whale. He said he's hideous and huge. Howard asked him if he knows what he weighs. Howard said he's at 330. Eric thought he was like 290. Howard said he's bigger than ever. He said it's no wonder his heel hurts. Howard said that's amazing. Will came in and looked at the shirt Eric was wearing to see how big it was. Eric said it was like a 4X.
Howard asked Eric if the roommate is a good guy. Eric said he is nice. He said that the place is an apartment in Flushing. He said that the guy is normal too. Howard seemed surprised by that. Howard said that if Frankenstein and Eric showed up at the door, who do you rent to? Robin said it would be Frankenstein.
Howard said it seems that he's getting his life together. He asked who the girl was that came with him this morning. Eric said that's the girl he threatened to kill a few years ago, Laura. Howard had the guys bring her in. Laura came in and told Howard that Eric had threatened to kill her because they stopped hanging out. Howard said she's very attractive. Laura said they met on MySpace and started hanging out. She said they didn't have sex or anything. Howard asked why she would do that. She said she's been a fan of the show since she was 8 years old.
Howard asked how the ''kill you'' thing came up. Laura said they were very good friends and then she met someone and she stopped hanging out with Eric. She said they used to spend the night together in hotel rooms and stuff. Howard said that sleeping in a room with Eric seems more dangerous than skydiving. Laura said that his sneakers used to smell really bad back then and they had to put them outside of the room one time.
Howard asked Eric if he's attracted to Laura. Eric said no. He said they're just friends. Robin said she doesn't get it. Howard said that Laura is pretty cute. He asked Eric if he would be into her if she was into him. Eric said of course he would.
Howard asked if Eric ever saw her change or anything. He said he has not. Then he changed his story and said he has. Howard asked why he threatened to kill her. Eric said he was working construction a few years aback and he told her not to say anything to anyone when he got fired. He said that she told some people and he got upset. Laura said he was threatening to kill her and her family and her animals. Howard asked how he was going to kill her. Eric said he didn't want to say. Laura said that he said that he was going to smash her head on the ground and things like that. She said she knows he doesn't mean it. Laura said that she just broke up with her boyfriend and Eric has been very good to her.
Robin said that this is going to end up the same way it did last time. She said that Eric is now thinking he has a shot with her. Eric said that's not true. Laura said she thinks that she's worried about Eric's heel and what's going on there. She said that she may have to get him to a doctor.
Howard asked Fred if he had the clips of Eric going off on Laura. Fred said he did have them and he wasn't sure if he wanted to play them or not. Laura said that Eric called her a ''dirty Jew'' and things like that. Eric said he's over all of that now. Laura said she was averaging 300-400 messages a day and he was messaging her on Instant Messenger like 600 times a day.
Howard said that Eric must be retarded. He weighs 330 pounds and doesn't know it. He threatens people and calls them Dirty Jews. Howard said the cops aren't going to do anything if she has to complain about him again. Laura said that Eric doesn't mean it. She knows that now.
Eric tried changing subjects by talking about his mom dying. Robin said that's the woman who left him out of her will. Howard said that it looked like he was about to cry. Eric was crying but he denied it. Howard said that maybe his mom isn't dead and she's just hiding. Howard said that Eric was showing some emotion now. Eric said he misses his mom. Howard asked if she's stuffed in his closet or if he dresses up like her. Eric said he doesn't do that. He didn't eat his mom either.
Howard said Eric's mom would like it better if he lost some weight. Laura said he may have lost like 20 pounds. Eric said he may have been up around 350 pounds.
Eric said that girl Angel has been calling him too. Howard said she seemed like a nice girl when she was there. Laura said that she's obsessed with Eric. She writes blogs about him and does some crazy ranting blogs about him that happened like 2 years ago. She said they put these blogs out on the web and it keeps it going even though Eric is trying to ignore it. Howard said that's good that he's ignoring it.
Howard had Fred play some of the messages Eric left for Laura. Eric was yelling and screaming at her and calling her names in all of the calls he'd leave. Eric would call her a ''fuck face Jew lying piece of shit'' and things like that. He threatened to do things to her. Howard said that nobody leaves messages like this on an answering machine. Laura said that Mel Gibson did. Howard said maybe Mel can make a comeback if Eric can.
Laura said that her voice mail was full when Eric would call 300 times a day. She said that she's a very forgiving person.
Howard said Eric has the same bad panther tattoo that Ronnie has. They spent a minute on that before Howard wrapped up with Eric and Laura. Howard said that Eric is back with this girl he threatened and he's paying his rent and being a good roommate. Howard asked if he had anything else to mention. Eric said that he'll take that IQ test. Howard said they have to see if KC can take that test too.
Howard asked Gary if they tested Jeff the Drunk. They did so Howard said he bets that Jeff is smarter than Eric. Laura said he's very annoying though. Howard said he may be but he's probably smarter. Howard said he doesn't think that Eric is smarter but Robin was thinking he could be.
Howard said he thinks that if Eric and Jeff were in the Three Stooges, Jeff would be Moe. Robin said she thinks Eric would be Moe.
Howard asked Eric if they have to tell him not to annoy people at work. Eric said he doesn't do that and they don't have to tell him that. He said he's willing to do whatever he has to do at that job. He said he's hoping to move to the Times Square location when he's done with the season at Yankee Stadium.
Howard said Laura is a cute girl and she's got a good job. He said that if she gets a boyfriend there's no way she's going to want Eric hanging around. Laura said that her previous boyfriend wasn't too happy when Eric started threatening her.
Laura said that she's very hurt that her boyfriend is gone. She said she misses him and she just wanted him to commit to her. She said that she said she could just live with him and she'd be fine. She said that he doesn't want to commit to anything like that.
Howard asked Fred who he thinks is going to be smarter, Jeff or Eric. Fred said he thinks Jeff. Laura said she's not sure about that. Howard said that the IQ test challenge is sponsored by ''Dinner for Schmucks.'' He told Eric he has to set up that test with Gary.
Eric told Howard that he should stop paying attention to the people on SternFanNetwork who make fun of him. He said that they post pictures and make fun of him all the time there so he should just ignore them. Howard said he was ignoring them until Eric brought it up.
Howard let them go and Robin said she can't believe that pairing. Howard said at least they're not banging. Howard said that would be shocking. Howard said he likes that Eric brought up the people making fun of him. He said that they must make fun of Eric there too. He said he seems to be able to ignore it.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he's going to whoop Eric's ass in the IQ test. Howard asked how he felt about the test. Jeff said he thinks he did pretty good. He said he has a gig this Friday with Wicked Fuckin Wrestling in Burlington, Wisconsin at Bobby Rockets. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
- Hollyweird Squares - November 7, 2002. 03/05/15. 9:55am
Next on today's unnamed vacation special they played a Hollyweird Squares game from 2002. Here's my rundown from that day:
Howard Plays The ''Hollyweird Squares'' Game. 11/7/02. 7:50am
Howard had a bunch of wack pack members and others come in to play ''Hollyweird Squares this morning. They had it all set up like ''Hollywood Squares'' with Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro in the center square. Howard first introduced the contestants who were playing the game today. Frank and James were the contestants. Paul Fishbein from Adult Video News was also there because he was giving away the prize. Paul said that the guys will win a trip to the 20th anniversary AVN awards in Las Vegas. That takes place in January. Howard ended up complaining about KC not having the contestants ready to play. KC said they were still waiting on a guest so Howard told KC to go sit in that spot and get rid of the late guest.
Howard spoke to Frank for a short time and found out what he does for a living. He also found out that Frank was born with club feet so he questioned him about that. He had a bunch of hard luck stories that he brought up too. A lot of his family members died when he was pretty young so Howard mentioned all of that. He also saw a friend of his get killed during a motorcycle race. He said his head was severed by the windscreen on his bike. Frank also races and said that he crashed and broke some bones not too long ago. He's bad luck and Robin said she was going to stay away from him.
Howard moved on to James and found out he's lost a lot of money on gambling over the past few years. He once lost $63,000 in a week! He's now in debt for $130,000 because of the gambling. He said he's paying off stuff as much as he can but it's only about $150 a week. He's living on only about $50 a week at this point. Howard said he'll never pay off his debts at that rate.
Howard said that they had Heather from Scores turning the cards for the game. Howard said she's very beautiful and recognized her knee from possibly giving him a lap dance.
Howard introduced each of the squares after that. Up in the left corner was John the Stutterer. Next to him was Porn Star Devon. Howard talked to each of them quickly and then introduced Don the Magic Juan. Raymond Norman the ''Oprah Winfrey, negro woman of the south'' guy was next. Jeff the Drunk Curro was in the center square. Sitting next to him was Porn Star Tera Patrick. Howard spent a short time talking to her and then introduced Bukake Girl. Howard said she loves bukake so that's why they call her that. Up next was Fred the Elephant Boy and Daniel Carver the KKK guy. Howard let Daniel ramble on with his racist crap before starting the game.
Frank was X and James was O for the game. Howard had Frank go first. He picked Jeff Curro to start. Howard then went on to read the question and had Frank say whether he agreed with Jeff's answer or not. James went next and got the secret square that was worth $5000 if he got it right. The secret square was Bukake girl. Her question was very easy so James won the $5000 courtesy of H2 ''Hollywood Squares 2.'' Howard said that money will probably go directly to James' bookie. Frank was up again and he went with Daniel Carver. Frank agreed with Daniel's answer and ended up getting it wrong. James went again and picked Fred the Elephant Boy for the win. The question was about the average length of a man's penis and they got it wrong so James didn't get the win. Frank went again and picked Devon the porn star. They got their answer right so Frank actually won. Howard didn't realize it at first. He was surprised to see the three X's across the board. Both of the guys won something.
Gary came in and asked Howard if they wanted to play another game for another $5000. Paul Fishbein said he'd throw in a couple more tickets to the AVN awards if Howard would read their plugs right. Howard agreed to that and let Paul give a plug. Jeff the Drunk was getting up to go take a leak but Howard made him stay there so they could play the game again. After talking to some of the wack packers Howard got to the second game. James started it off with John the Stutterer. John and James didn't agree but James got his circle. Frank was up and picked Raymond Norman. Frank got his X because Raymond didn't have a clue about the answer. James went with Don the Magic Juan next. They disagreed but James got the square. Frank went again and went with porn star Devon. Frank disagreed with Devon and lost the square. James went with Daniel Carver but Howard told him he could have won if he'd gone with Devon. James said he wanted to give Frank the chance to win. James and Daniel agreed on the question so he got the square. Frank went with Tera Patrick to block James. He agreed with her on her answer and got the square. James went to Jeff the Drunk which wasn't a winning move. Howard said he guesses that the guy doesn't care about winning. James won the square and won. It turns out the center square got him the diagonal win. Howard congratulated each of the guys and thanked all of the people who played the game and gave them some plugs for their stuff. There were a lot of plugs going on... Howard wrapped up the segment after that.
- Robin's News - Unknown Dates. 03/05/15. 10:40am
Next on today's unnamed vacation special they played some Robin's News segments from some unknown dates.
Today's special was over around 11:20am.
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