- Ronnie's Photo Using Dean Cain's Body. 10/22/18. 7:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: High Pitch Erik singing a Taylor Swift song, Mark Farner of Grand Funk Railroad performing ''I'm Your Captain/Closer to Home'' in the Howard Stern Show studio, an announce about Sarah Silverman coming in today.
Howard started the show talking to Robin about the opening song. Robin said she wishes she knew what this guy was singing about. Howard said the guys there were talking about the new Halloween movie and most of the guys thought it was horrible but Richard thought it was great. He said there's also a controversy about Ronnie. He said he has a photo he uses for appearances and whoever did it put his head on Dean Cain's body. He said it's a picture of Ronnie on Dean's body. He said Ronnie is denying that it occurred. He said that it's the same arms and shirt and everything. He said that Ronnie denies it. He said you know it'd Dean's body.
Ronnie came in and said that this was back from the block party shows. Howard said he sees it's not his body, right? Ronnie said he doesn't remember. Howard said if he posed for it then he's lying. Howard said that's not his body. Ronnie said he never noticed it. Howard said it's Dean Cain. Ronnie said no one said anything when it was taken so he didn't know.
Howard asked why he's yelling at everyone out there. Ronnie said Chris Wilding is being an asshole about it. Howard said it's not you. Ronnie said he doesn't even remember who took it. Howard asked where his salamander tattoo is. Ronnie said that would be covered.
Chris came in and said the bodies are identical. Ronnie said he had nothing to do with the photo. Chris said the only explanation is that Dean saw Ronnie's body and stole the picture. Ronnie said he didn't even know it was of him. He said it's like 5 or 6 years later so why are they talking about it now. Howard said just use Dean's head too. He said what's funny is that he gets into a fit screaming that he's been using it for 5 years and he has no idea it was not his body. Ronnie said no one put the picture out until now. Howard asked how he looks at that and thinks it's his body. Ronnie said he doesn't look close. Howard said the Private Parts movie poster isn't his body but the book is. He said he can look at it and see that.
Chris said if you Photoshop a body on you then use someone closer in age. He said use Dick Van Dyke's body or something. Ronnie was yelling at Chris.
Howard asked why he's yelling about it and if Chris says he's lying about it then just say it's not his body. Chris said that he was denying it all. Ronnie need up walking out.
Howard said that they used this photo on a Ronnie-Ween promo for a strip club. Chris said he's so hot he just has to go to Ronnie-Ween.
Howard said it never occurred to Ronnie that it's not his body and he's been using it for 5 years. He said that look at this guy's body. He said it's not Ronnie. He asked if he thinks he really looks like that. Robin asked if he's that delusional. Howard said even his neck is twice as thick as Ronnie's neck. Howard asked why he's mad at Chris. Ronnie came back in and Howard said it's funny that he's been using this for 5 years and he doesn't know it's him.
Howard asked if he really thinks it's him. Ronnie said the first time they used it was for an appearance at The Hard Rock. He said that he has to show him the first time. He said they used a different part of the picture. He said that there were no arms in the picture. Howard said it's stolen valor. He stole Dean's body. Ronnie said that he should be fucking happy. He said he's getting more publicity than he ever got right now.
Howard said that was the big controversy out there. Fred called him Ronnie Cain. Howard said he should put Arnold Schwarzenegger's body on there. Ronnie said okay. Howard asked what he said to Chris out there. Chris said that was him from 5 years ago. Ronnie said they didn't use the whole picture like that. Howard said he's been using that whole picture for 5 years. Ronnie said no.
Jason said they have confirmation that this exact photo was used in 2012 for one of his block parties. Howard said he must have forgotten about that. Howard said 5 years ago he was Dean Cain. Robin asked what other body parts he's copped.
Howard asked if people have demanded their money back for false advertising. Howard said they had the Man with Two Heads and that reminds him of this. He said that's what he's been using. Ronnie said he had no clue. He said he never looked that close. He said if Chris thinks he's lying then good for you.
Howard asked if he ever thought about why he liked that picture so much. Ronnie said he never said he did. Howard asked if he sends that to people when they ask for a promotional picture. Ronnie said he has one from Sirius that he uses.
Robin asked if he sent them this picture for the Ronnie-Ween. Ronnie said he didn't do that. Howard asked if they see an official picture can they trust that it's really him. Ronnie said they took one out in front of the building there. Howard said that picture he's claiming he knew nothing about was tweeted out 13 times. Ronnie said he doesn't know who took it and made it like that. Robin asked why he would use it. Robin said that he has tweeted it. Ronnie said it's the ad that he's tweeting. Howard said it's a picture of himself that he likes. Ronnie said he has no clue it was fucking Dean Cain. He said he had no clue about it.
Howard said he would look good with The Rock's body. Ronnie said he has no idea who took that picture and he never had it. He said someone put it out there and they've been using it. Robin said it was never taken. Howard said it's funny that they used Dean Cain, or Superman's body. He said use Bruce Jenner's body since he doesn't need it anymore.
Howard said this is Ronnie Gate. Chris asked if he has ever signed that picture. Ronnie said he never has. Chris said he never takes credit for his Twitter account.
Howard took a call from a guy who said maybe next time he can use Herman Cain's body next time. Howard said he's the guy from that pizza place. Gary said Godfather Pizza.
Howard asked Gary what he makes of this. Gary said it's not his body obviously. Robin said that he was saying he wore the same shirt. Ronnie said he was wearing a black shirt. Howard asked if he's insecure about his body. Ronnie said no.
Gary said there's a theory that the people at the Hard Rock were looking to make him look younger to draw in a younger crowd. Howard said he should use Carrot Top's body. He said he's all jacked up. He said that might look good. He said how about if he plasters his head on the statue of David. He said come join Ronnie at the Hard Rock Cafe and he's got the body of David.
Howard asked who caught this. Chris said someone on Twitter. Howard said someone figured it out. Robin said Ronnie somehow missed it. Ronnie said he did. Howard asked how he doesn't' know it's not his body. Ronnie said he didn't notice it was Dean Cain's body. Howard said his neck is twice the size. Chris said every tattoo is gone and every wrinkle is identical to Dean Cain's. Ronnie said he just looked at his face. He said that's all he needs.
Howard said Ronnie tweeted about him the other day and said he didn't read it. He said now he's saying he sent out this picture and never looked at it. Howard said he's going to get himself in trouble. Chris said he looks stupid. Howard said his body looks terrific. He said he doesn't look anything like that. He said he looks like a god. Ronnie said he didn't shoot the pictures. He said he didn't do any of this.
Howard said he can't believe they have uncovered this so early in the morning. He said there's always something going on with him. He said he was going to have a Ronnie free week this week but he can't do it. Fred played the old Superman TV theme.
Howard did his Ronnie impression saying that he was going to eat out Stephanie while she looks at this photo. Ronnie said that's not cool. Howard said #PolitcalyCorrectAllTheSudden
Howard he doesn't want to offend Ronnie. Robin said that's weird that something is inappropriate like that. Ronnie said he doesn't say ''eat out.'' Howard said this is getting weird. He said if this was anyone else he'd be laughing his ass off. Ronnie said he didn't know whose body it was. Robin said he must have known it wasn't his body. Howard said he had to know. He said just admit it. Ronnie said he didn't know.
Gary said it's now become Ronald in the studio. Ronnie said it is not. Howard said he's the guy yelling cunt and sixty nine and now he can't say eating out. Howard said he hopes Dean Cain is okay with this. Ronnie said he hopes so too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he gives him the benefit of the doubt but now it's clear as day that he's full of shit. Howard said he got busted. Fred-Ronnie started yelling about how he didn't know. Howard said this is the funniest thing he's ever heard.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to get Dean Cain in there and compare his body to Ronnie side by side. Howard said poor Dean Cain. Robin said now Ronnie remembers he had a shirt like that. Howard said bring that in. Ronnie said it's in his closet.
Howard said he's using that as his publicity photo. Ronnie said he posed for the head part of it. He said he wore that same shirt though. Howard asked how they got that picture for the strip club. Ronnie said they must have found it online. Howard said if you're going to use someone's body then Dean Cain is the body to use. Robin asked how he didn't see that wasn't him. Ronnie said he didn't study it. He said he had no clue. Howard said he must have thought that photographer was really good. Robin said he looks 25 years younger. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie voices talking about how talented that photographer was.
Howard wondered how they found that body. Chris said he thinks that he was just obscure enough to get away with it. He said they probably looked for a hot guy and that was the one they found. Howard and Fred were still doing their Ronnie voices goofing on him about this whole thing. Howard said he almost got away with this whole thing. He said he got 5 years into it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was going to ask about something else but this threw him for a loop. He said this is breaking news. Howard said Ronnie has stolen his body. Ronnie said he didn't do anything. Howard said he used that photo. Ronnie said he didn't send anyone that pic.
Howard said that photo was on the side of the building in Atlantic City to promote his appearance. Ronnie said it was just his face. Chris said he has no shame. Howard said Dean Cain had no idea he was on the side of a building. The caller said this might give Dean the boost he was looking for.
Howard said for everyone listening, if you want that body then go earn it at the gym. He said they just took this picture and stuck Ronnie's head on it. He said why not just stick your head on someone else's body. Fred-Ronnie said ''fuck that lifting weight shit!'' Howard said this might be the greatest thing since Beetlejuice shit on the floor and Robin almost stepped in it.
Howard asked what he's going to do if someone uses this picture again. Ronnie said he'll ask them to take it down. Ronnie said he has nothing to say to Chris anymore. He said it with a quivering voice that Chris did an impression of.
Howard asked if he has any control over his own publicity. Ronnie said he does. Robin said he hasn't asked anyone to take it down before. Ronnie told her to be quiet. Howard said they have pale face Ronnie on sun tanned arms. Ronnie said they're not tan. Howard said come on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's going to be Howard and Ronnie in the dessert and Ronnie is going to turn it on him and say that he only exists because of him. Howard said he has to apologize. He said that he tapped into Ronnie and now he has to go kill himself. He said it's like ''A Star is Born.''
Howard said it's like he went to the beach in a mask. Robin said he's like that old guy with the fit body in a magazine. Howard said they have to give him a plug. He said catch Ronnie at the Ronnie-Ween. Chris said he feels bad for the patrons of Ronnie-Ween who are expecting to see a young guy. He said they're going to see a freeze dried limo driver. Ronnie said take a look at yourself in the mirror. Chris said he'd know if someone stuck his face on a body that wasn't his.
Howard said he's going to get rid of that picture, right? Ronnie said that he's going to continue to retweet that ad out until the end of the week. Howard said he shouldn't be doing that. He said that's not Ronnie. Ronnie said he's there at Gossips on Long Island with Jessica Rhodes. He said that you don't know if she's using her real body in that ad. Howard said don't retweet it. Howard said Dean can come at him and stop him from using it. Robin said he has to have loved that photo. Ronnie said there's no reason why he's not going to retweet it. Howard said they'll talk to him about this later. Ronnie said no they won't.
Howard thanked the guys for coming in. He said he points these things out to Robin. He said coming in next is Donald Trump. He said that hey have a bit set in there. Robin said it's a strange set. Howard said they have a toilet bowl and a cage. He said he has some products that he's going to be selling.
- Howard At The Knicks Game. 10/22/18. 7:40am
Howard said he went to the Knicks season opener. He said he sat next to Tracy Morgan. He said he does a whole show there at the game. He said he's unbelievable.
Howard said he studied up on the team before he went to the game. He said he knew the coach's name when he went. He said he doesn't know it today. He said they had a good energy out there. He said they were playing Atlanta or someone. He said it's been a rough weekend. Gary confirmed it was Atlanta.
Howard said they had a great energy out there. He said it was quite dynamic. He said Tracy would point things out to him. He said he would concentrate on this number 32. He said Tracy would be a great play by play guy. He said he was really impressed with this guy that Tracy pointed out. He said they're a fun team to watch.
Howard said everyone on the team was coming over to say hi to Tracy Morgan but not him. He said he was right next to Tracy. He said he's not sure if it's a racial thing or not. Robin said maybe they just don't know who he is. Howard said they must know. He said that he nods to Walt Frazier there. He said he saw J.B. Smoove there too.
Howard said Tracy wears really large gold jewelry. He said it all has his name on it too. He said his friend from The Last O.G. was there and he wears even bigger stuff.
Howard said they have the rotating ads on the floor there and Walmart came up. He said he told Tracy he must have left money on the table there because they still have money to advertise.
Howard said it was great seeing Tracy. He said this guy's mind is so quick. He said a young black woman came over and said hi to Tracy. He said that she told him she was a fan of his. She mentioned that he was a D.A. He said Tracy asked for her card just in case he goes backward. He said that Tracy sat there with her card the whole time. He said it was great to see Tracy there. He said he was teaching him about the Knicks.
Howard said he didn't see Spike Lee there. He said there were some famous athletes there. He said there was some boxer there but he didn't know who he was. He said he was sitting there and the Garden went crazy for the guy. He said that he's really out of it when it comes to sports.
Howard asked Robin if she wants to hear from the President. Robin said you don't want to keep him waiting. Howard said she knows who it really is. They went to break after that.
- Fake Donald Trump Visits. 10/22/18. 7:55am
After the break Howard came right back and said that the Photoshop Ronnie pictures are rolling in. He had one of Ronnie's head on statue David's body. Howard had one of Jason on Dean Cain's body too.
Howard said that President Trump (Anthony Atamanuik) is there. He said he looks very good. Fake Trump (F-Trump from here on) said that he's getting younger every day. Howard said that he has to address this cage they have in the studio. F-Trump said this is a cage for the Mexican children. He said we have to keep the immigrants from this country. He said that this cage it to put children in. He said that they say they're not doing it humanely but they have a Pinata in there and a little toilet in there. He said they have a chew proof water bottle to drink out of. He said they use Trump Water for that too. He said it's 9.9 percent Chlorine free.
Howard asked what they use the newspaper for in the cage. F-Trump said that it's the failing New York Times and that's all that paper is good for.
Howard asked F-Trump about the cage and F-Trump said that he keeps his son Eric in that cage. He said he actually has no idea where Eric is and he hopes he stays away from his businesses.
F-Trump was saying that the cages are for the little Mexicans so they can raise them like veal. He said if you think that this is bad you should see what they do to the parents. He said all he can say is Human centipede.
Howard said the cage looks big. F-Trump said he was raised in a cage just like this. He said you can fit a litter of them in there. He said they all end up killing the runt.
Howard said this is a cage they will put children in who try to immigrate to this country. F-Trump asked what you call 100 kids in a cage. Howard said he doesn't know. F-Trump said that's called a good start.
Howard asked if he has anything else to say about the cage. F-Trump said that if they start acting up you just spray them with water. He said they can put fetuses all the way up to 6 years old in those cages. He said you lure them in with the Chalupas and put a path of them up to the cage and then you lock them in here.
Howard asked about this giant toilet he has in there. F-Trump went over and sat on it with his pants down. He was sitting on the toilet and saying that's where he tweets from. F-Trump said that this is his phone because he has such large hands. He had an iPad as his phone. F-Trump said he likes pussy and then added ''No collusion'' to that. He was also tweeting about his big dick energy and things like that. He was tweeting about a bunch of different things very fast. He had things to say about how Obama has gotten lazy after the election and things like that.
Howard said he's thinking about that cage. He said he wonders if Gary would fit in there. He said he has been mistaken for a Mexican.
Howard said Trump is sitting on the toilet and he may get hemorrhoids. Howard said he noticed there's a picture of Ivanka behind him. He said it's odd that he's got that when he's on the toilet. F-Trump said that it helps him get things out. He Tweeted out more stuff about Kavanaugh and talked about Gorsuch and had trouble saying it correctly like real Trump.
Howard asked about immigration and what he has to tweet about that. F-Trump had some things to say about that. He said that we can't let people from Hawaii come into this country until we know what's going on there.
Howard asked what else he has. F-Trump said that he has to defend Freddy Krueger. He said that he likes the kids. He said that Thanos is another one that he has to defend. Howard said he's claiming that he's innocent. F-Trump said he is. F-Trump said that the blacks love him. He said that one of Robin's breasts voted for him. He said the other one voted for Jill Stein.
Howard asked Trump about his opinions on some women. He asked if he can take this challenge. F-Trump said he can take it. He said he has another dump to push out.
Howard asked about Amelia Earhart, Anne Frank, Rosa Parks and others. F-Trump had nothing good to say about any of them.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks this whole bit is retarded. She said that she's a big fan of the show but this is above and beyond. She said they're close to the mid-terms and this is just wrong to joke about this stuff. Howard said she brings up a good point about the cages. F-Trump said that he's a heartless person. The caller said he has a responsibility here. Howard asked if she's the fun police. The caller said that half of the audience is voting red and they're all laughing at this. F-Trump said that they're not laughing. Howard said he's going to kick him out in a few minutes anyway. F-Trump asked what she looks like on a scale from 1-10. The caller said this is not funny. Howard said it gave him a few chuckles. F-Trump said he checked out like 5 times during this. The caller said there were some good lines in there. Howard said she said it wasn't funny but then said there were some funny lines.
Howard said she's like that woman who turned on Kavanaugh. F-Trump said that she didn't remember anything. Howard said he is not funny at all. F-Trump said this is his worst nightmare. Howard said to agree with Jessica is Sarah on the phone. He had one of the guys in the back as a woman saying that this isn't real Trump because he's not in New York today. Howard said she agrees with Jessica that this is not funny.
Jessica said that she has to get going to work. Howard told her to just listen to the show and try not to think so much.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is one of the most hilarious bits he's ever heard. The caller thanked him for his fine work. Howard said that Jessica works at the Comedy Supreme Court. He said that she was on to something. He said that was not Donald Trump. He said this was Anthony Atamanuik. He said that he had a show on Comedy Central but now it's just specials. Anthony said that they thought it was better to just do it that way than have a regular show. Anthony said they have a special tonight at 11 on Comedy Central actually.
Howard said he was doing this in comedy clubs during the primary. Anthony said that Howard broke him and got him a TV show. Howard asked if he's going to be funny. Anthony said he will be once he leaves there. He said this special is taking place in the future in 2030. Anthony said that he goes missing in 2024 and they go looking for him. He said that Space Force is in it.
Howard asked if it's true that Kathy Griffin is in it. Anthony said she is and she plays Kellyanne Conway. Howard said he should do a special where they send him to Mexico and let him walk around. Anthony said he gets hit with batteries in Times Square so it should get better down there.
Howard said he has the hardest last name in the business. He said that he'll be on that special in full makeup. He said this will be up on the app at some point. He said the set looks great.
Howard said he also has a book out called ''American Tantrum: The Donald J. Trump Presidential Archives.''
<>Howard said that he has the hardest name in show business so has anyone told him to change it. Anthony said that Mark Hamill actually worked with him and he's his pal. He said he helped out over in England. Howard said Mark actually talks to him with only 39,000 followers on Twitter? Anthony said he knows. Howard said his name is so hard to say. Anthony said he made it too late. He said he's 44 and he can't change his name now.
Howard said Anthony Tamaflu will be in this special tonight. He said he'll look back on his administration. Anthony said they'll show what happened in 2020. Howard asked how many people wrote on this special. Anthony said it was six people. He named a few of them and mentioned some of the people who are in the special with him.
Howard said that Anthony came in and showed them this cage. Anthony said that he's not sure what that Jessica was so angry about what they're doing in there because this caging thing is really going on.
Howard gave Anthony more plugs for the show and for the book. He tried saying his name again and messed it up. Howard said they'll all tune into his show on Comedy Central. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
- Speech Impediment Man's Comedy Contest Clips. 10/22/18. 8:35am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from Speech Impediment Man and said he got tape of his comedy act. He said he should tune in and listen to Sarah Silverman because he's going to find out how she comes up with her comedy. He said maybe he'll listen to her.
Howard said that Speech Impediment Man entered a comedy contest and here were 4 people entered. Only 4 according to Shuli who said he's never seen that. He said that Speech Impediment Man came in third. Speech Impediment Man said that Shuli wasn't there. He said it was more than 4. He said that he did come in third and there were 5 headliners and 7 openers. Howard said that's not what he heard.
Howard said he gave Speech Impediment Man some advice and of course he tanked. He said he had one joke that he worked on that was good. Speech Impediment Man asked which one. Howard said Speech Impediment Man entered this contest so he can go on to get more jobs in comedy clubs. Howard asked if this was in a pizza place. Speech Impediment Man said it was. Howard said it's a pizza place but they called it Sal's Comedy Hole. Speech Impediment Man said it's in the back of the pizzeria.
Howard said this is Speech Impediment Man coming out with his opening joke. He played the clip and Speech Impediment Man said he was pulled over by a cop on his way there. He said the guy asked if he was drunk because he was slurring his words. He said he asked the cop if he's been eating donuts because his eyes are glazed over. There were people laughing at him in the room.
Howard said Speech Impediment Man was in a costume on stage as Speech Impediment Man. He said he compared himself to a super hero and did his shtick. Howard played some of that. Speech told him to play more. Howard said he has to get people to listen to him.
Howard said that his joke about being a toilet salesman was flawed. He said they don't have toilet salesmen at Home Depot. Speech Impediment Man said they do. He said they work in the plumbing department. Howard said h should say he works in the plumbing department.
Howard played more of Speech's jokes from the contest. Speech was telling a joke about getting his dick knocked off. He said he became an operator for 911 and 17 people died that day. Howard said he thought that joke was pretty good.
Howard said he made a pussy eating joke too. He played that part of his act and Speech Impediment Man was talking about how he doesn't have a dick. Howard asked if he really has no dick. Speech Impediment Man said he has no dick. He said that it's like Howard saying he has a 2 inch dick. Speech Impediment Man said his ex-wife left him because he has no dick. Howard said it's just small though so just say it's small. Howard said if he had no dick that would be interesting.
Howard played more of his act and Speech said something about how licking his ex-wife's box was like licking the bottom of a bait tackle box. Howard said he's not sure he should be criticizing women. He said he's talking about licking the bottom of a tackle box. Howard asked why he uses the word box twice in the joke. Speech said he should only use it once. Howard asked what the joke is there with the tackle box. Speech said the tackle box smells bad. Howard asked where the joke is. Howard asked where Jessica is to complain about this not being funny. He said he thought Anthony was on fire this morning.
Howard said he doesn't have a tackle box so he's not sure what they smell like. Robin asked why he brings up having a small dick and then talks about her box. Speech said this is good advice.
Howard played more of Speech's act and he did the joke that he told Howard about having a computer virus and getting his dick stuck in his keyboard. Howard asked why he would use that joke after asking him for advice. Speech said he used it at the Comedy Store the night before and got laughs. Howard said no he didn't. Speech insisted he did.
Howard said this is his closing joke. He played the clip and Speech told a joke about asking about how much a Sex on the Beach is in some bar. Howard said he didn't understand that joke. Speech had to explain it to him. He said he went into a bar and asked for a Sex on the Beach drink and the bartender says 20 dollars. He said he can't afford that so he asked for a jerk off on the sidewalk. Howard said the guy he beat is a Thalidomide baby. Robin said he paid to be in this and he didn't work on his material.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing the voice of an agent who had a speech impediment. He said he'll put him on TV if he sends him money to buy a camera. He asked for Speech's PayPal.
Howard said he has his comedy coach on the line too. He picked up and had another guy with a speech impediment talking about coaching Speech on his jokes. He even had the fake laugh like Speech did. He was being funnier than Speech according to Robin.
Howard said he is going to talk to Sarah Silverman about how she develops comedy just for Speech to hear. Howard asked the coach who else he coaches. The guy said he coaches a guy who is just a head in a jar. He said he has material about women being smelly as well. He said they Photoshop his head on Dean Cain's body. He did a knock, knock joke with Howard had and the person at the door just being one of his neighbors he knows.
Howard asked Speech Impediment Man if he has anything else to say. Speech Impediment Man was wondering if he can take Fred on the road with him. Howard said one thing he knows is that when comics start out they aren't' that good. He said they develop material. Howard asked how long he's been working on his stuff. Speech Impediment Man said 20-some years. Howard said congrats on coming in third out of 4. Speech Impediment Man said he's going to be at the Comedy Store every weekend. He said he's going to work on his material. He said he'll talk about how he has a dick but it's a small dick. Howard said use Dean Cain's body in his press photo.
Howard said he is rooting for Speech Impediment Man. He said he keeps cracking himself up so there must be people who find him funny. He said congratulations on not finishing in last place. He asked if that's enough.
Howard said that Sarah Silverman is there and he hasn't spoken to her in a while. He said he has to take a break first. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
- Sarah Silverman Visits. 10/22/18. 9:00am
After the break they played a ''Lady Private Parts'' movie commercial parody, a Baba Booey song parody by Daniel Mendelson and Cheap Trick's ''If You Want My Love.''
Howard came back and said this is a beautiful song. He sang along with it for a short time. Robin asked if this is Cheap Trick. Howard said of course.
Howard said he's known Sarah for a long time. He said it's over 10 years. Sarah said it has to be more than that. Howard said she lives in L.A. now. Sarah said she lived in New York for many years.
Howard said that Speech Impediment Man is struggling with his comedy. He said it's a tough road. He asked where she did her first gig. Sarah said it was in Boston. Howard asked if that went okay. Sarah said it did because her friends were there. She said expectations were low. Howard said it gets harder and harder after that. He said that she claims that when she was little she claims that she never didn't want to be a comedian.
Howard asked where Speech Impediment Man is going wrong. He asked if he's not coming from a real place. Sarah said she thinks that's it. Howard said he wants to know how to write comedy from her. He asked if it's a teachable skill. Sarah said yes and no. She said you can't be not funny and learn how to be funny. She said some successful people are doing the math of it. She said some of the funniest people come out of Harvard and they're doing the math of it. Howard said it's not coming from a genuine place. Sarah said they're second guessing what 14 year old boys want to hear. She said comedy dies when you do that.
Howard asked if she is an A-list comic. Sarah said maybe. She said she's not on network TV though. She said she can say anything she wants. Howard asked if she likes where she is in her career. Sarah said she loves it. She said she doesn't want to do anything but work on the show she has on Hulu. Howard said he doesn't think he gets Hulu. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said he better get it. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said he must have Hulu on Apple TV. Howard said he has that. Gary said you have to pay for it. Howard said they should give it to him for free. Sarah agreed.
Howard said the show that Sarah is doing now is where she goes out and interviews people who voted for Trump. Sarah said it's about being open minded. She said that she always leaves places loving the people. Howard said she could never be in a relationship with someone who voted for Trump. She said she could get off fantasizing about it. She said her sex fantasies are nothing like the real world. Howard said the stuff he watches on porn are nothing like what he wants to do. He said he likes the theme of something taboo going on. He said he responds to that.
Sarah said comics are freaks. She said that maybe everyone is and comics just express themselves more. She said she had a therapist who said that Jewish guilt is famous because Jews talk about it. She said that Catholic guilt just isn't talked about.
Howard said he wants to know more about comedy for Speech Impediment Man. Sarah said she thought fake Speech Impediment Man was incredible. Howard asked how she goes about developing material. He asked if she thinks about being funny. Sarah said she used to write down stuff but now she keeps it in her phone. Howard asked what he'd like to know she writes about in her phone. Sarah said she has so many notes. Howard asked the guys to get her phone for her.
Gary brought in her pone but she needed glasses. He handed her some readers but she said that's gross. She wanted her own. Gary got them for her.
Sarah told Howard about going to a hotel pool and she wrote down something about a sign that said if you have diarrhea or have had it in the past 2 weeks then you're not allowed in the pool. She said she wrote down ''Why not just say 'No Jews Allowed' because she hasn't gone 2 weeks without having diarrhea.'' Sarah said that there's a commercial for Charmin Ultra toilet paper. She said there are a bunch of out houses and a British lady is outside trying to talk to them. She said that they have Charmin Ultra in there apparently. Sarah said that she's out there asking if they feel clean enough to go Commando. Sarah said that blew her mind. She asked if you wear underwear to keep from getting shit stains in your underpants. Sarah said she keeps her ass clean 3 inches deep.
Sarah said women wipe front to back and Howard said he wipes back to front. Howard said he uses a Toto toilet now so he's not even wiping. Sarah said she got one of those from Jimmy Kimmel on Valentine's day. She said she still has it.
Howard said he is so meticulous with his asshole. Sarah said that she's not sure where a man's ''front'' even starts down there. Howard said he's so disgusting. Sarah said that she has a friend whose balls got so low. She said it really depresses him and his balls touch water in the toilet. She said you can get a ball lift and it's in and out in a half hour. Howard said Beth never sees his anyway. He said he keeps the lights down. Sarah said she enjoys balls. Howard asked if she really does. She said she odes.
Howard said he was hanging out with his daughter and she took video of it. He said he looked at the video and he looked hideous. Sarah said he really doesn't.
Sarah said that Fred is so brilliant on the show. Howard said the show sucks if Robin isn't there. Howard said that he has to sing their praises. He said if they're not there then there is no me. He said he doesn't want to do the show without Robin and Fred.
Howard said that he's so tied in with them but Sarah can go on a stage by herself. He said she's all on her own. Sarah said she likes collaborating though.
Sarah asked if he has three daughters. Howard said he does. Sarah said they're all in their 30s. Howard said one is 7, one is 5... Sarah said she was at the Emmys and when Henry Winkler won the award and said to kids go to bed, Daddy won she thought that was so funny. Howard said that was funny.
Howard said that Sarah has been nominated for a Grammy. She said it was this year. She said it was her, Jerry, Chappelle, Kevin Hart and Jim Gaffigan. Howard asked if she went. She said she did. Howard said Chappelle won. She said that he's like a brother. She said she met him when they were in high school. Howard said he's a brilliant comic. Sarah said it's awesome.
Howard asked if she has met comics who just got out of the business and never made it. Sarah said she has. Howard asked if some people just aren't likeable. Sarah said so many comics are their own worst enemies. She said they have a fear of failure so they won't try. She said they think they're risking too much or something.
Howard said she should do a show of guys who she thinks should be famous but aren't famous. Sarah said some of those guys haven't written a joke since 1989. She said they just use the same material. Sarah said there are musicians who can sing, write and play. She said you can't be lazy in comedy. She said you have to get your shit together and work. Howard asked about Steve Martin's book and see how hard he worked at it that's what she's talking about. Sarah said he's as funny as he ever was. Howard said he talks to him and thinks he's so funny.
Sarah said she witnessed Steve Martin in a very funny moment. She said she did an AFI honors show and they went to Steve's house after. She said Martin Short was there and he was acting as a host. She said that he would ask a question about how people met Steve first. She said he asked Candace Bergen how she met Steve first. She told a story about how he didn't know what Prosciutto was. She said Steve said that's right and now he drives one. She said that was so funny.
Howard said that he's amazed by Steve Martin. Howard said he was just writing about this. He said that he was working with the Smothers Brothers and he went to his friend for a joke and it was something about television. Howard said it was about owning the appliances. Sarah couldn't remember the joke either. Howard said it's amazing that Steve had to get a joke from his friend. He said that Steve told him it freed him to do that. Sarah said it was an amazing story.
Howard asked if Sarah has ever been on a show writing jokes. Sarah said she was on Saturday Night Live so she wrote on that show. Howard said she wrote sketches on that show. Sarah said she did. Sarah said she can say with total confidence that she did contribute a lot to punch up night on Thursdays.
Howard asked if she was happy working there. Sarah said she was and she remembers one night when Goodfellas was opening. She said she wrote one thing and it was ''Donna via satellite'' and she got that into the bit. She said they changed that to a guy. She said that was a good experience working there.
Howard said he heard that someone gave her advice to make the guys laugh. He said that she was told that the women will laugh along with the men. Sarah said that she didn't trust her powers for many years but now times are different. Howard said he finds it odd that people on twitter go back and listen to jokes from 10 years ago and say things aren't politically correct. Sarah said comedy isn't evergreen. She said they can't erase it. She said that Howard will play old shows where he was horrible and he admits it. She said you can be changed by it.
Howard asked if Sarah has talked to Louis C.K. lately. She said she hasn't in 3 months or so. Howard said he called asking how he's doing. Howard said it's a very confusing time. Howard asked if he was brilliant at first. Sarah said he was. She said he didn't get famous for like 30 years. She said that there is so much that's hard to talk about. She said it's all black and white until the bad guy is someone you love. She said what he did was wrong. She said it's not the same as what Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein did. She said it's not okay what he did but it's not the same. She said that these guys who deny, deny, deny are wrong. She said that one person's recollection of 35 years go could be nothing and another person's could be embedded. She said she remembers vividly both times that she was held down against her will. She said that's something you never forget. She said for those guys it's just a Tuesday for them so they may not remember.
Howard said he has had traumatic experiences that he remembers but he doesn't remember exactly where they were. He said he gets that. Sarah said that Kavanaugh hearing was traumatic for so many people in this country.
Sarah said she has known Louis C.K. forever. She said she's not making excuses for him but they are peers or equals. She said when they were kids he'd ask if he could masturbate in front of her and she'd say she'd like to see that. She said that comics have to bring up Louis when they get together. She said that she's just answering honestly. She said it's not analogous to other women and what happened to them. Sarah said that he could offer her nothing. She said she wanted to see it and it was amazing. She said that she would say no and they'd just go out for pizza. Sarah said when he became influential then it changes. She said that in that NY Times article they talk about how he went on to connect with some of those women and tried to make it right. She said that she's not saying that everyone should like him now.
Howard said he sees what she's saying. He said Louis came to her and said that he wanted to jerk off in front of her and she said she wanted to see it. Sarah said that the first penis she saw was her boss. SHE said she had never seen a penis before. She said she was 18 years old and he asked her if she liked working there and then she looked down and saw him masturbating. She said she wasn't the person she is now. She said he was in power and she was in a vulnerable place. She said she never told her parents about that. she said it didn't even occur to her. She said what a woman or a girl is trained to do is worry about not making the man, who is jerking off, feel uncomfortable. She said with Louis it's different. She said that boss also did it with other women later.
Howard said Lois didn't just take his dick out. He asked about it. Sarah said they were talking openly. she said that they would strip off their clothes and throw them down the atrium and then go down in the elevator hoping that no one would see them. She said this is just her experience with him.
Howard said some of the people who were accusing Louis are saying that the masturbating was something they were interested in seeing. Howard said Sarah just wanted to see it. Sarah said it was just different. She said once he became powerful then it was different. She said that it was not okay. Howard said that's an interesting explanation. Sarah said she thinks he can come back but he should talk about it on stage. She said comics can't be told what to say. She said he's going to have to find his way.
Robin said she was at a Jane Fonda thing and she was saying that there has to be evidence that they have changed or have tried to change. Sarah said that the truth is the closer you are the less you see of the full picture. She said that when a cop's family is killed they take them off the case. she said that's what this is like.
Howard said that it would be interesting for him to talk about this on stage. He said maybe he doesn't see the comedy in it. He said if he jokes about it then he's going to get called out on that. Sarah said the Louis they love is the guy who made comedy out of really serious things.
Howard asked Sarah what she's watching in porn these days. She said that her search words used to be gang bangs and things like that. She said she's been watching guys fucking fake pussies and Real Dolls and stuff. She said it's amazing. She said no one gets hurt in those. She said that there are no real women in it. She said she likes seeing the penis and the guy losing control. She said she hates Mike Pence and he's almost scarier than Trump. She sad that he thinks homosexuality is a sickness. He said he's fucked up. She said she thinks about him holding his breath while he cums. She said the human mind is crazy. She said that's what she's into lately.
Howard said he was thinking about Senator Al Franken. He said she worked with Al at Saturday Night Live. She said she did. She said she loves Al. She said that he was so wronged. She said he's not a sexual being. He said that his wife is his best pal and companion. Sarah said it's just so not him. She said that picture of him on the USO tour was just him not even touching that woman. He said that he kisses like a grandpa. She said that his reaction was to have a full ethics investigation. She said the lying people just don't ask for that. Howard asked if she has talked to him since. Sarah said she has and she's so rooting for him. She said he doesn't know what to do. She said that he's so heart broken. Howard said he has never seen anyone more into being into politics than Al. He said he's so into the job. He got off on being in public service.
Howard said he remembers seeing her stabbing Al in the head with a pencil. Sarah said she did that in real life. She said she was day dreaming about stabbing this pencil in his hair and she did it and stabbed him right in the temple. She said he screamed and said ''Why?'' and she was just crying laughing.
Howard said on Twitter some guy called her a cunt and she looked up who he was and through his feed. Howard said she saw he had back pain and she's paying his bills for back pain. Sarah said he hasn't been in contact with her since May and this priest that she has been sexting with drove out there to see if he was okay. Howard asked why she has to be the one to do that. Sarah said she didn't help him out with money. she said she was helping him out to find doctors to help him out. She said that she said she would pay the doctor directly. Howard asked why do that. He asked why she has to win him over. Sarah said he's a 30 year old lost kid who was acting out. She said she was looking at his stuff and he was just trying to get Twitter to cancel his account. Sarah said she was DMing him for months. He said she likes doing that. She said she feels like she can help some people. She said she knows that's narcissistic. She said she doesn't need everyone to love her. She said she talked to him about the back pain and he told her he had been molested at 8 years old and stuff like that. She said people change.
Howard said that Sarah is there to promote her show ''I Love America'' which is on Hulu. Howard said that she has new shows every week. Sarah said they shoot Wednesday night and it airs Thursday. She told Howard about how they do the show and what they cover.
Sarah told Howard that she made a mistake by wearing black face in her other TV show and she addresses that in this new TV show. Howard said it's like an older Sarah Silverman advising younger Sarah. Sarah said yeah. Robin said that in today's world you're supposed to be stuck in your life at those moments.
Howard asked how Speech Impediment Man is going to be a better comic. He said he should be walking around keeping notes and writing down stuff. Sarah said having a speech impediment is a gift. She said he can't emulate anyone else. She said that's a gift. Sarah said she used to be like Colin Quinn or Dave Attell. She said she wasn't doing it consciously and you hope you grow out of that. Howard said people who paint do copies of other artists paintings. He said you draw it and figure it out and then try to do your own style. Sarah said you want to know the basics. She said she likes to be very prepared. She said that way you can be very loose.
Howard said he saw her years ago and she was talking about her vagina. Howard asked how you know it works. Sarah said you can't know unless you're in front of an audience. Sarah said you have to do stand up constantly. She said she can't do comedy when she's doing her show. She said now she must race home and get to bed immediately. She said she's not doing it when she's working on her show. She said she goes back to it as soon as she's done with the show. She said if you don't do it for a month it's like starting over.
Howard asked Sarah about doing stand up and if she has notes with her. She said she does have notes. She said that she can be totally free and glance down if she needs to.
Howard said if you go out and do new material how does that work. She said that you have to be ready to eat shit. Sarah said she used to do a character on stage and then she had to get out of that and figure out what to do. She said that you can lose people and gain people by changing. Howard asked if she is better in certain cities. Sarah said she finds the smaller the town the more people are psyched to see her. She said there are kind of like minded people everywhere but they don't get live shows. She said she's on the road doing field pieces now but not comedy. She said she just did a dinner with some conservatives and she left there loving them. Howard said she's making fun of them. She said she's not. Howard said he has seen field pieces. He said she was sitting with a family and they were Trump supporters. He said they had never seen Jewish people before. He said she is making fun of them in a sense. He said she's showing that they are bizarro people. Sarah said it's challenging to her because she wants to connect and be vulnerable. Howard said he's going to watch her. Robin said she didn't think she was making fun of those people.
Howard asked if she's in love and in a relationship. Sarah said she's single. Howard asked if she has any prospects. He asked if anyone is asking to jerk off in front of her. Sarah said not at all. She said she's the older person at work now and she isn't sure where to find anyone. She said on Saturdays she likes being home and she'd love to just be spooned. Howard said Fred can come over. Howard said maybe Tinder is what she needs. Sarah said her sister met her guy on Bumble. She said there's this Rya app for famous people. She said she doesn't want to be with people who are on those apps.
Howard asked if anyone has asked her out since she broke up. Sarah said yes but she did not say yes to that person. She said she doesn't really go on dates. She said she can see it in their face if she wants to be with them. She said Michael was the first time she's been on a date. Howard asked about the guy who asked her out. She said it was an email. She said she didn't answer at first. She said she totally respects the guy but he's just not for her. She said she just told him the truth after the second time. She said he's amazing and attractive and she's in awe of him but it's just not her thing.
Sarah said she likes a masculine man who is a feminist. She said he has to have good oral hygiene. Howard said he tells his wife to let him know if he has bad breath. He said no one ever does.
Robin said that Sarah said that at work everyone is younger than her. She asked what's wrong with that. Sarah said that Don Cheedle tried hooking her up with a 33 year old. She said she's in her mid to late 40s but she won't say just how old she is. She said she can't lie. She said she just feels old. She said she's 47. Howard said he is too. Sarah said she wants to date someone her age but in the same way. She said she doesn't want to think about her skin being loose. SHE said that she thinks she looks pretty good. She said she wants to be a prize. She said she wants someone who knows the aches and pains of life.
Howard asked if she's still against marriage for herself. Sarah she is but she's not sure what could happen some day.
Sarah asked if not having kids is something that Beth is okay with. Howard said she'd have to ask Beth. Sarah said she has some remorse about not having kids but she's not sure if it's something that's put on her. She said she loves kids though. She said she wonders if she missed out on something. She said she went out with Jimmy and Molly recently and it was great. She said that she sees him and it's so fun. She said they had this night out and it was just something that happened. Howard asked if she's still in love with Jimmy. Sarah said they just had a great time. Howard said he'll talk to her about that off the air. Robin said she was saying that Jimmy did have kids with Molly. Sarah said that Jimmy sent her pictures of kids and he knew that she loved kids. She said that he said that she would never have kids with her and he sends her these pictures. Sarah said that when she thinks about it she's glad she didn't have kids. She said she questions herself though. She said that she thought about adopting a 10 year old or something some day. Sarah said she doesn't want to be an old mom though. Sarah said she had to come to grips with it. She said she likes being able to do whatever she wants at all times. Howard said don't beat yourself up over that.
Howard asked if she ever went to therapy over this to find out why she didn't want kids. Sarah said she did want kids. She said she was working and being a comic though. She said that she didn't make time for it.
Howard said there's a lot going on with her today. He said she said something that was kind of mind blowing. Sarah said she drank a Red Bull before the show and she feels like she's on crack. Howard said he loves Sarah. Sarah said she listens to the show every day and she's so sad when he's not there. She said that she's so happy that he's out here doing something nice for himself though.
Howard said Benjy wants to date her. Sarah said no way to that. Howard said he wants to come in and ask her. Howard said he has to see her deal with that. Sarah said he wants someone who has his shit together. Howard said Benjy isn't her man then.
Howard said she has said it all. He said that her new show is on Hulu. He said he's going to get it today so he can watch. Robin said it's great. Howard said he must have it because Beth watches the Handmaid's Tale. Sarah said that Killing Eve is the best. She said it's on BBC. Howard said he won't watch Handmaid's Tale because women are blinded in it. He said he can't watch that.
Howard asked Sarah about doing a voice in the Wreck It Ralph movies too. Sarah said she does the voice of Penelope. She did that voice and Howard said he can do that. He did a horrible voice for her. Howard gave her some more plugs and wrapped up with her. They went to break after that.
- Robin's News. 10/22/18. 10:25am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who asked about Sarah going down the elevator naked if Howard was undressing her with his eyes. He said he must think about her like that. Howard said when he talks to Fred he touches himself.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he would have jerked off for Sarah. Howard said he was a very up tempo Jeff this morning. Robin said he does that for everyone on that thing he does. Howard said it's Periscope.
Howard said it's time for news. They played her into it with a song parody.
Robin started her news asking if you're allowed to approach a public servant when they're out in public. Robin said Mitch McConnell was approached and a man slammed his fist on his table and threw his leftovers out the door. Howard said there has to be some civility. Robin said that it's not about being civil. Robin asked if you have the right to approach your public servant in public. Howard said no. He said if the guy said he didn't want to talk then you leave him alone. He said you can ask if you can speak to them. He took that back and said don't bother anybody. He said leave them alone. Howard said public servants don't have the right to approach him in public either.
Robin asked a question about a guy on a Ryanair flight who was refusing to sit next to an elderly black woman on a flight. Robin said he called the woman a ''stupid, ugly cow'' and if she didn't move he'd push her to another one. Robin said he was asked to calm down and then the woman was asked to move. Howard said they should have removed the guy. He asked who the hell he is to demand who he sits next to. Robin said the daughter said the man was upset about the woman taking too much time to move out of the way. Robin said they moved the woman instead of the guy who was carrying on. Robin said the airline said they reported this incident to the police.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said he liked something they talked about the other day. He also said that last week JD outed his wife as farting and shitting. He asked if he doesn't know to shut up about that stuff. Howard didn't remember that. Robin said it was the protein drinks that make her fart. Howard said that's what he wants to do, tell JD to shut up. He said he likes it when he tells him that stuff. JD said it's very rare. He said it's not a regular thing. Howard said it's hard to get things out of JD so don't call in and tell him to be quiet about stuff like that.
Robin read a story about Pete Davidson talking about his break up with Ariana Grande. Robin said Pete was out at an event performing and he said he's looking for a new roommate and a place to live. Robin said he was also joking about the tattoos he has to have removed because of the break up. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Governor Chris Christie talking about the attack on Mitch McConnell. Christie was saying that you can't yell at scream at someone like that when they're out with their family for dinner. Howard said he agrees with him on that. He said he's all for civil disobedience but as far as attacking someone like that he's not sure where that ends. Robin said that all depends on the offense. She said if things are out of hand then why should people be comfortable? Robin said she likes that he took his leftovers and threw them out the door. She had a laugh over that.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult is upset with Robin. He picked up and Wendy said she's tired of Howard talking to Robin every day. She said Robin and Howard talk about how in love they are with each other. Howard asked Wendy if she has someone close to her in her life. Wendy said she's in love with Howard. Robin said that's what she thought she was saying. Howard said he thought she was in love with Jason. Wendy said she changed her mind and she's in love with Howard. Howard asked how in love with him she is. Wendy said that she's confessing to him that she's in love with him and she thinks about him every night. Howard asked if she's talking in a sexual way. Wendy said yes. Howard said if he was going on dates with her what would happen in bed. Wendy said they would kiss. Robin said Howard doesn't kiss her. She said he actually does. Howard asked Wendy what position they're in when they kiss. Wendy said they're in their own positions and she's in her one piece bathing suit. Howard asked if they leave it on. Wendy said it's on. Howard asked if he cleans her leg sores first. Wendy said yes. Howard sake if he changes her diaper too. She said he does change her diaper.
Howard asked Wendy if she saw the new Halloween. Wendy said she hasn't because she's waiting for her money to come in. Howard asked what he has to put on her leg sores. Wendy sad that he puts ointment on them. Howard asked if he talks dirty to her. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if he wipes doody out of her ass. She said yes. Wendy said that he also has to put ointment on the rash on her butt too. Howard said he's got her laying there nude and he has to turn her over and apply this ointment. He asked if he gags slightly because of doody remnants. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she gets turned on by the ointment. Wendy said yes to all of this. She started laughing so Howard said he has to hang up on her. He said he thinks he's crying in that fantasy.
Howard said he meant to ask Wendy about her disability being cut and she's blaming Obama. He said this is all Trump. Howard did a live commercial read and told Gary to get her back on while he does that.
After the commercial Howard had Wendy back on. He asked if she loves grape juice. Wendy said she loves it. Howard asked Wendy about the disability payments being cut drastically. He asked if she blames Trump. Wendy said sort of yes. Howard said he heard she was blaming Obama. Wendy said it has to do with both of them. She said she doesn't get more than 21 dollars in food stamps. Howard asked if she's going to vote for Trump again. She said no way. Wendy said that she'll vote forever goes against Trump. Howard asked if other slow adults are following her. Wendy said that no one talks to her about Trump. Howard asked if the other slow adults are pro Trump. She said they are. Wendy said she used Donald Trump as bowling pins. Howard said Obama gave her nice hand outs. He said he's not sure why she was against him. Howard asked who she would like to see as President. Wendy said Howard Stern. Howard thanked her for that. He let her go after that.
Robin read a story about Paula Abdul being on stage recently and she went to shake hands at the edge of the stage and she fell off. Robin had some audio of her doing that. She fell and people screamed. Robin said she thinks she got back on stage after that. Robin said they say her show was amazing after that. Howard asked if that was Wendy who wrote that. Fred played clips of Wendy saying ''yes.'' Howard said he'd go see her show if she fell off the stage every time.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Wendy wished her a happy birthday on Facebook. She said that Wendy called her through Facebook asking her for money. She said that she had some talks with her on there and she ended up calling. She said she's going to send her some money. She said she feels bad for her. Howard thanked her for that call. He said he's been suckered by her about that a few times. He said he hangs up on her before she can ask now. He said it's hard to say no to her. Fred played a song that Wendy sang about needing money.
Robin read a story about Lenny Dykstra who got in trouble because of an altercation with an Uber driver earlier this year. Robin said he has pleaded not guilty. Robin said he appeared in court this morning and he's due back in December. They played a ''Message of Hope'' for women who give bad head that Lenny did for the show.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks about these people who have weird weddings. Howard said he doesn't like it. Robin said two people who were running in a marathon stopped halfway through and were joined by an official who performed their wedding during the race. Howard said he doesn't like that. He said just get married locally and invite some friends. Robin said there were 25,000 runners registered for the race. Howard said he hates that. He said it's silly. Robin had some audio for him to play from the wedding. Howard said people were trying to run and they're doing that.
Robin read a story about how taking care of your ears and eyes can keep your brain in check. Howard said that's why he goes to the doctor every year. Robin read some details about this study. Robin said when she brings this stuff up with Dr. Agus he says that these bodies were only made to go 40 years. Robin said that's why you have to take care of yourself. Howard said he loves that guy David Agus.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Slow Adult who asked if she can say someone's name to get $250 from someone just for doing that. Howard let her do that. Wendy said hi to Austin. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he thought Ronnie had a great body and he was taking care of it but it turns out it was Dean Cain's body. He said he has to play audio of the guys arguing about the Halloween movie. He said he'll do that first thing tomorrow.
Robin read a story about a family of an Indian man who was stoned to death by a group of monkeys. Howard said monkeys don't understand that they're tools that can kill someone. Robin said they apparently do. Howard said that sounds very Planet of the Apes. He said that's scary. Fred said they do use tools by sticking sticks in the ground to get termites. Robin said that they don't know which monkeys did this but the family wants justice. Robin said this man was hit about 20 times in the head and chest by bricks from a fallen building. Robin said the family wants them to be held accountable. Robin said the police sisal they can't charge monkeys. Robin said the man was 72 years old. Howard said he can't believe this. He said that movie he saw, Planet of the Apes, was a documentary.
Robin read a story about the reporter who was killed in Saudi Arabia. Robin said they say that they have audio of the reporter's fingers being cut off and later being beheaded. Robin said the Turkish president is going to reveal this in Parliament tomorrow. Robin said the Saudis are claiming that he was killed in a fist fight. Robin said if they cut off his fingers and head they must have had to use some kind of implement to do it. Howard said just blame the monkeys. Robin said the Saudis are claiming it was a rogue operation and they don't know where the body is. Robin said they claim there was a tremendous mistake made there. Robin said politicians are calling for something to be done about this. She had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about the President announcing that he would like to pull out of the arms treaty they have with Russia. Robin said Mikhail Gorbachev said this would be a mistake to pull out of the agreement. Robin said that this could have unforeseen consequences. Howard said he didn't know that he was still around. He asked if he still has that red birthmark on his head. Robin said she doesn't think that's going anywhere.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he likes Sarah Silverman and wishes she would look at his cock and say it looks like home. He also asked what kind of strange things people have done at his house. Howard said one person flushed a full towel down the toilet and it cost him a fortune to get it fixed. He said he doesn't enjoy having people over. He said nothing goes wrong when he's over at your house. He said people do weird shit. He said he never does. He said he has less and less people over. He said he just wants to be alone with his wife.
Robin read a story about Trump's job approval rating being at an all time high. Robin read that 47 percent approved and only 49 disapproved. Howard said that shows you something. He wasn't sure what.
Robin read a story about transgender rights activists being upset about Trump's administration possibly doing away with transgender terminology and making whatever you have on your birth certificate being stuck with you for life. Fred played some clips of Ronnie under hypnosis acting like a woman. Howard said he asked Ronnie who he identifies with and he said ''Dean Cain.''
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if he's going to be in the Megamillions. Howard said this one is tempting. Robin said it's over 2 billion now. Howard said he thought it was 1.6. Howard said they're losers games. He said that at that much Robin must think about entering it. Robin said she has to be in it to win it. Howard asked if Robin is going to pick numbers. Robin said she would let the machine pick the numbers. Howard asked how much he should buy. Mariann said just 2 dollars. Howard said maybe 50. Mariann said she's spending $20. Howard hung up on Mariann when she stared freaking out. Howard asked Fred if he got some. Fred said he did. Gary said he bought $20 worth the past few times. Howard said he has the feeling they all want to leave. He asked if Gary would get him some tickets. Gary said he can do that. Howard got some cash to give Gary to go get those tickets. Howard said if he wins he'll give Wendy $10,000. He asked Gary to get them. Gary said he'll get them right after the show. He said he'll give them to him tomorrow.
Howard said maybe he should try to get every combination. Robin said Trump tried to do something like that once. Gary said he gets nothing for buying the tickets. He said he has to say that so he can't sue him. Gary said he's going to buy Howard's today and his own tonight near home in his neighborhood.
Robin asked what the selling store gets. Gary said it's like 1 percent but that's a shit load of money. Howard said maybe he'll buy Gary dinner if he wins. He asked if he's quitting if he wins. Gary said no one there is coming in if they win. Robin said she's going to sit there having servants bringing her things if she wins. Gary said that's a ridiculous amount of money. Robin said she'll have every kind of car if she wins.
Robin read a story about a man who called police and said his wife had been murdered and he may have killed her. He didn't know for sure because he was on cold medication. Howard said that's like monkeys killing a guy with bricks. Robin said this guy stabbed his wife 123 times. He claims he doesn't remember that happening. Robin said the family doesn't believe his story. Fred played Jackie's sneeze after hearing the medication story.
Robin said that Amy Schumer won't be in any commercials during the Super Bowl. She said that she feels that hitting the NFL with no commercials is the only way to get to them about the Colin Kaepernick thing. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.