- Who Is America, The Bachelorette And More. 07/17/18. 7:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A ''Good Looking Guy Radio'' bit, a phony phone call to a Gary the Conqueror using Richard Simmons ''Gary!'' clips, a Baba Booey song parody, Royal Blood performing ''Figure it Out'' in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard started the show talking about how someone asked him the other day how people know when he's live and when it's a repeat. He said that was his daughter. He said he had to look into it because it's none of his business. He said the idea is to trick the audience and make them think they're there for 24 hours.
Howard said he went to bed last night early. He wanted to see the Sacha Baron Cohen new show. He said it's not often he gets excited about a show unless it's The Bachelorette. He said he also like Fauda. He said he's a Jewish James Bond. Robin said she can't get into that. Howard said it's really good. He said he just loves people killing each other. Robin said he has a screw loose. Howard said Death Wish was good. Robin said she liked the new one with Bruce Willis. Howard said he'd probably like it too. He told Gary to send him a note to watch that.
Howard said he came into work this morning and it's such a great set up. He said that no radio station is set up like this. He said he loves this place. He said they don't stand in his way at all. He said the just want to facilitate him in any way they can to make good radio. Howard said they think he seems to know what he's doing so they help. He said god bless this company. He said they have provided them with 4 hours where they can broadcast and have guests. He said anyone who says a bad thing about this company he will never speak to. He said he will put the leg of a chair up their ass. He said Sacha talks about that.
Howard said there are 7 episodes that Sacha has put together. He said they move really fast. He said he does a great job playing these 4 characters. He said it's like Candid Camera meets something. Robin said it's Candid Camera meets The Imposter. Howard said he'll go with that.
Howard said the show is great. He said god bless him. Robin said he plays all of these great characters and he has great makeup artists. Howard said he's such a funny guy. He said equally funny is The Bachelorette. Howard said there are two people who have only been on two dates and they're falling in love. He said this guy is in love. Robin said none of these people get married. Howard said they actually do. He said there are a couple who have gotten married.
Howard said this guy was sitting there and asked the Bachelorette ''What if we have kids or something like that'' and the woman says ''he'd be a hot dad.'' Howard asked what kind of guy says ''What if we have kids or something like that?'' He said his wife said he was a lot hotter before he opened his mouth. Howard said this woman just answers saying he'd be a hot dad. He said this is why we're doomed. He said we have morons in this country.
Howard said the country is doomed. Robin said she's seen Howard in action like that. Howard said he was in a strip club and he was dizzy.
Howard said this vocal fry thing is out of control. He said there's a guy on the Bachelorette who has it. He said the Bachelorette doesn't have it usually unless she's talking to this guy who has it. Howard played a clip from the show where they were both doing the vocal fry thing.
Howard said just listen to this fucking guy. He said he's slowly becoming an Iguana. He said in the next scene they were feeding each other flies. He said when a guy talks like that you have to wonder what's wrong with him. He said he breaks into that vocal fry and he gets into this normal voice. Howard asked who talks like that.
Howard said this is why he's into the Bachelorette. He said he has to observe people. He said this is his window into humanity. Robin laughed. Howard said lets listen some more. He played more of the vocal fry clip. The two of them sounded like frogs.
Howard said what an idiot. He said he sounds like the lead singer in Lamb of God. He played some of that guy singing. Howard said he was laughing so hard last night. He said Brent was into Lamb of God. He said he was thinking that he said he's taking lessons to learn to sing like that. He said everyone has lost their mind. He said Brent said he wants to learn how to sing like that. He played more of that Lamb of God singing.
Howard asked Brent what he's paying to learn to sing like that. Brent said he has a DVD. He said it's called The Zen of Screaming. He said he's just learning how to do it without blowing your vocal chords out. Howard asked what he's going to do with that. Brent said you can do vocal tricks on radio with that. He said he's just learning how to do it. He said he'd bring in the DVD.
Howard asked Brent if he really listens to his music. Brent said he has been listening to them exclusively for a while now. Howard played a bunch of clips and asked what he's even saying in that. Brent said he would know it if he knew which song he was singing. Howard asked Brent if he really wants to do that. Brent said it would be awesome.
Howard asked Brent to demonstrate. Brent tried singing but it hurt his throat so it didn't go more than a second or two. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he has the guy from The Bachelorette on the phone. He took the call from one of the guys in the back who was doing the impression. Howard said he can't even do it good. Howard said it's different. The guy tried something different and it sounded closer.
Howard played more of the vocal fry guy from The Bachelorette. He got some laughs out of that. He was doing his vocal fry impression along with it.
Howard said no wonder he turned into a frog. His mother was fucking the English teacher. Howard said this guy needs oil like the Tin Man. He said you put some oil in there and he stops talking like a frog. Howard said he can barely follow his story. He said it's a really good story but he can't follow it.
Howard said he'd have a better story if his dad fucked his male gym teacher. He played more of the vocal fry and said it sounds like he comes up for air. He said it's interesting. Howard asked how she could marry a guy like that. Robin said she can't.
Howard said she starts getting it because of him. He played more of the audio and goofed on it. He made up his own story about swallowing a frog and it had a family of frogs in his throat. He told the story about his mom fucking his English teacher. Howard said it was hard to empathize with him when he was talking like that. Robin said she's got to choose him just so they can see him with her family.
Howard said Beth was kind enough to give him sex last night so he was dopey and sleepy. He said she's so pretty and beautiful and loving. Robin said he's repeating himself. Howard said he doesn't have enough good things to say about his wife. He said that's for anyone who is willing to give him sex. He said that she's such a beautiful, lovely, pretty woman.
Howard said he always checks with Beth to make sure she's really into it. He asked if she's okay. He said he asks her to blink if she's ill. He said that he's surprised that she doesn't dry heave.
Howard played more of the vocal fry stuff. He asked if he should replay it. He said he wants to hear the story again. He said he wants to hear about the mom fucking his English teacher. He said it's two-for-Tuesday. Howard replayed the clip so he could hear the story again. He kept cutting it off to do his vocal fry impression though.
Howard said that's a heavy story to have vocal fry through. He said it's like talking about the holocaust with the vocal fry. He did his impression of the guy with the vocal fry and made up more stories. Howard asked if the guy is possessed. He said he'd call in an exorcist. Robin asked if he's in Lamb of God.
Howard played more of the story clip and kept goofing on the guy. He made up stories about his dad being raped by a bear and other things.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks about this. Fred said he's not sure. He did it in his vocal fry voice. He said that he might be trying to empathize with the women. He said he's really not sure. Howard, Fred and Robin were all doing their vocal fry voices.
Howard said it's odd that the guy's English teacher was his gym teacher. He said that's odd itself. He said he always thought that if his parents got a divorce that his dad would stop yelling at him. Robin said imagine he had to be with his dad alone at his own house. Howard said maybe it is better that they stayed together.
Howard went into his mother's voice and talked about being in love with Mr. Roush his English teacher. He had her talking about how he started parting the hairs on her pussy. Howard said he'd be telling Robin that story with vocal fry.
Howard played more of The Bachelorette audio. He said that guy is as good as the guy from Lamb of God. He said humanity is fascinating. Robin said it is. Howard said it's good that he's there to point it out.
Howard said his mom wouldn't even know the name of his English teacher. He said that they knew nothing about him. Howard said his mom didn't even know his English teacher. He did more of her voice and had her talking about the teacher fucking her hard and how he did cream pie her. He said he did the alphabet on her pussy.
Howard said he doesn't remember any teacher names but Mr. Roush. He said they interviewed him in the paper once and the guy said he remembers him. He said no he didn't. Howard said imagine your English teacher fucked your mom. He said that's why this guy talks like that.
Howard said he's pretty sure that if he spoke like that he never would have gotten Beth. He went into his mom's voice again talking about what Mr. Roush did to her sexually. Howard said maybe fucking the teacher wasn't such a good idea. He said people are nuts. He said he has to finish that episode from last night. He said he has to find out what happens.
Howard had his mom telling him she had sex with the teacher and how she blew him while he was grading papers. She said that he put a box of number 2 pencils in her twat.
JD said Howard should see this guy's mom. He said he just fast forwarded to that point. Howard said he has to watch that tonight. JD said he won't spoil it for him.
Howard said none of his teachers liked him or had any interest in him. He did more of his mom talking about fucking his teacher.
Howard said he fell asleep in the middle of The Bachelorette. He said he was very drained from having sex. Robin said she's happy for him. Howard said he did have to get that clip pulled for Robin though. Robin said you wonder how many teachers that woman went through before this. Howard did more of the guy with his vocal fry.
Howard said the Bachelor's mom worked at the school. He said that explains it. Howard said back when he was in school the music teacher married one of his teachers. Robin said she remembers a teacher getting married in her school. Howard said he thinks that this guy's name was Mr. Thermos or something. Robin said there was an English teacher and science teacher that got married. Howard said he wondered how they afforded kids. He said he'd watch on the news how they were underpaid. He said the two together couldn't afford to buy a house. Howard said he doest know one guy who talks like that.
- Gary's Throat Clearing Tick. 07/17/18. 7:40am
Howard said when he walked in this morning Gary was coming out of the bathroom. He said he hear him clearing his throat. He said he must start doing it as soon as he sees him. He said he has vocal phlegm. He said he heard another clearing while he was walking down the hall. He said Gary is on medicine to stop this but it's not working. Howard asked Gary if he's aware that he did that. Gary said he was not.
Howard said he might have a tick. Gary said he doesn't know. Howard asked if he wants him to buy a spittoon. Gary said that would be gross. He said nothing really comes up. Howard said as soon as he walked in he was doing it. Gary said it starts in the morning and it starts long before he sees Howard. Howard said just stop doing it. He said don't clear your throat anymore. He said it's becoming a tick. Gary said he'll just stop doing it. Howard said he's turning it into a shtick loch. He said his mom would say he's making menace. He said he's not even sure what that means.
Howard asked Ronnie if he heard that this morning. Ronnie came in and said that he heard it. He said he's so used to it though. He said it's constant. Howard said he heard it again when they turned the corner. Howard asked if he does it during the show. Ronnie said he does and every time he walks through the door he does it. He said Gary used to have this wrist shaking thing he used to do. He said he would also adjust his dick and balls. Robin said the monkey is not wearing underwear.
Howard said he pulls at it. Gary said he does wear underwear. Gary said the watch tick is gone because he used to have a loose watch. He said it would get stuck on his hand. He said that he had to shake it. Howard said he tugs at his shirt a lot too. Gary said he odes. Howard asked what's up with the balls and dick. Gary said he's not itchy. He said he's not even aware of that.
Howard asked Ronnie if he has ever heard a dude doing that vocal fry thing. Ronnie said he never has. He said he has heard women do it though. Howard let Ronnie go after that. Fred did his Ronnie impression after he left. Robin said it's like Ronnie has studied Gary.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he heard the uncut Medicated Pete tape. Howard said he fucked up and missed it. He said he saw that it was on after it aired. He said he wanted to be there with everyone else listening. The caller said he spent 10 hours listening to the thing over and over. Howard said they ran an abbreviated version on the show and then turned it into a special. He said it's available on demand on the app. Howard said they have a lot more coming down the pipeline with the app stuff.
The caller asked if Gary and Mary have listened to the tape together. Howard said he's not sure what he's driving at. The caller said something about Pete referring to something in the tape. Howard let him go.
Howard said Gary was going wild this morning with the throat clearing. He did his impression of Gary and played a song parody with Gary's throat clearing. They went to break after that.
- Phone Calls, Fake Sarah Sanders And More. 07/17/18. 7:55am
After the break Howard came right back talking about condoms and how he found his dad's. He said that he would monitor their sex through the box of condoms. He said he was all up in their shit. He said the only way to learn about them was to spy on them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to know what he thinks about yesterday with Trump and Putin. He said news people are asking about what Putin has on Trump. Howard said the president keeps calling this investigation a ''witch hunt'' and he questions that. He asked how that is a democratic witch hunt when Robert Mueller is a republican. The caller said that doesn't make him good. Howard said Rod Rosenstein was appointed by Trump. Howard said that you'd have to have some democrats involved if it was a democratic witch hunt. Howard said all of these guys are republicans. Robin said they don't know if the president was compromised or if there are things they have on him. Howard said he doesn't care. He said there are people who gave their lives for this country and you have to care.
Robin said they have to know if the Russian leader has information on Trump so he could blackmail him. Howard said what the KGB does is prepare dossiers on people who come to the country. He said when Donald would go visit the country they would put a camera in the room and things like that. Howard said they want to find out if they have leverage on the guy. Howard asked if the caller understands now. The caller told him to keep going.
Howard said when he hears this ''witch hunt'' thing he thinks about all of these guys who are republicans who are involved in the investigation. The caller said he's wondering why they keep bringing up the Russia tape thing. Howard said the Russians attacked us during the last election and we're doing nothing about it. Howard said it would be cool if they caught an actual witch. Howard said that he has to stop talking about politics. Howard said he has to laugh when he hears it's a democratic witch hunt.
Howard took a call from fake Sarah Sanders who took some questions from Robin and Howard. Howard asked a few questions about what went on with Trump and Putin. Fake Sarah had some funny answers for his questions.
Howard asked Robin if she wants to ask another question. Robin asked one and Sarah told her to shut up. She said maybe she'll kick her in her witch cunt. Howard asked more questions and Sarah came back with sarcastic answers.
Howard said he has to hire her as his press secretary if he ever has any problems in his life. Sarah didn't seem interested in helping him out.
Howard asked Sarah about the tariffs and how Harley Davidson is going to have to move their production overseas. Sarah changed the subject to the size of Trump's penis.
Howard said she has answered every question today. Robin said she tried to be nice and ask a simple question. Sarah said she doesn't speak stupid. Howard said Robin is getting hammered today. Howard spent a little more time with fake Sarah and then let her go. They played a Sarah Huckabee Sanders album commercial parody after that. They also played an Evil Dave tribute clip as they went to break.
- Phony Phone Call And Protest Clips. 07/17/18. 8:15am
After the break Howard came right back and said it's time for some phony phone call fun. He said they call Swap Shop often and this host put himself on Facebook live and the guys called in to tell him how good looking he is. Howard played the call and the guys called in while the host was live on Facebook and asked him to wave but he was already done. Richard said he thought he was live but he was done with it. Richard played dumb and said he was watching him live. The host hung up on him. Sal called in and said he's in good shape. He said he didn't know he had such big arms. He said he's buff and tight. He asked him to move his pecs back and forth. Then he asked him to take his shirt off. The host said he doesn't think so and hung up on Sal. Then a guy called in and said he shouldn't go in Facebook anymore. Richard called in again and said he saw he was live again. The host hung up on him. Sal called back in and made like he was jerking off. The host said he shouldn't have done the Facebook thing.
Howard said he may not have thought it was a good idea but they did. Howard sang their Swap Shop theme song. Howard said they were punished for trying something new. Howard said he loves that he hosts the show and he used the phrase ''not no more.''
Howard said they sing about Swap Shop being fun. He wondered if that's fun and if it's even a real thing to sell stuff on the radio. Ward said that's a lot of fun. He said that's the continuing Swap Shop phony phone call series.
Howard said there was an Anti Kavanaugh rally. He said people got together to protest him and then there were people who were for him and Trump. He said everyone had a megaphone too. He said everyone shows up with one. He said this was from the night Trump made the announcement.
Howard said back in the 60s they had one person with a megaphone. He said now everyone has one and you can't tell what's going on. He played some audio from that protest where people were chanting and multiple people were speaking on their megaphones. Howard said that should settle the issue.
Howard played another clip where a guy was playing a siren sound over a woman's speech. Howard didn't know where that came from. Robin said some megaphones have that sound. Howard said he's never heard a megaphone that does that. He said that's pretty cool.
Howard said he believes that women should have the right to have an abortion. He said he is fascinated with that siren and that speech. He said that if you go to a rally you have to say something and not just read off paper. Robin said you have to have chants and stuff.
Howard said when you play the sirens and stuff they're not just going to stop with their speech. He played more of that woman's speech. Howard said that's the world's worst speech.
Howard said that led to people screaming into the microphone and you can't hear what they're saying. Howard played some clips of people screaming into the microphone and they're very hard to understand. Howard said that's a major boner killer. The woman was screaming at the top of her lungs into that microphone. Howard said she has the right idea.
Howard played another clip of a woman screaming into the microphone. Howard said then Bernie Sanders showed up. Robin said guess what, this guy is going to join the Supreme Court. Robin asked what you're going to do. Howard played some audio of Bernie Sanders getting into it and asking if they're ready for a fight.
Howard said Bernie always had a sore throat. He said he's always yelling. Howard said this guy is in his 70s and he's feisty. Howard said he doesn't have that energy and he's way younger than him. He asked what he's on.
Howard said the megaphone is what makes you loud. He said you don't have to yell into them. Howard said it would be funny if he said he just smoked meth and yelled that into the megaphone. Howard played more of Bernie's yelling and did an impression of him yelling into the megaphone.
Howard said the most aggressive yeller was this woman who was the head of the pro choice America group. Howard had some audio of her screaming. Howard said she's like Ronnie yelling ''Sixty nine!!!''
Howard said these people are all on his side so he likes them but they have to top yelling. Howard played more of the audio and did his impression of what they were doing. He yelled that his tonsils were bleeding. He said he's worried about her throat blowing out.
Howard said Ronnie's mother is at the protest rally. He said she's yelling just like everyone else. He had some audio of fake Ronnie's mom yelling at the rally to cheers from the crowd.
- Dead Wack Packer Resurrection And A Wendy Dead Or Alive Game. 07/17/18. 8:35am
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Georgia and Howard said he's never been there. He said his father's sister lived there. He said they were from Brooklyn but moved to Atlanta. He said a month later she had a southern accent. He said they went full on southern. He said his aunt Mildred is still alive. He said she's doing great. Robin asked how often they come to visit. Howard said they never visit. He said no one in his family visits. He said when they were younger they would visit. He said not anymore.
Howard asked the caller what's up. The caller, Todd, said they were talking about Evil Dave and he's wondering if he could bring back one of the deceased Wack Packers, who would it be? Howard let out sigh. He asked why he had to do all of the preamble. He said he could have gotten right to the question. Howard said he is very depressed about Evil Dave dying. Robin said someone asked her if he was a Wack Packer. Howard said he wasn't but he really was. He said he'd put him in that category.
Howard went through the dead Wack Packers list and said Crackhead wasn't even on the show at the end. He said he didn't want to be on the show anymore. He said he was great in the beginning. Howard said he didn't want to upset his kids so he chose them over the show. Howard said that annoyed him. He said that he actually understood that.
Howard said they have Riley, Hank the dwarf, Joey Boots, Nicole Bass, Cliff Palette, Eric the Actor. He said he loved when Eric would call in. He said he thinks it might be Hank. Howard said it's killing him. He said it's such a toss up. He said Eric was great too. Gary said he's with Hank. Howard said he wants a few clips of each to help him decide.
Howard said that Riley was great too. He did his Riley voice and talked about how great he was. Robin and Howard talked about some of the stuff he did. Howard said Eric the Actor was great. He said Hank would be drunk and start fights. He said he was great when they had him in a box and had him pop out. Robin said he did something to David Blaine. Robin said they sent him down to do something. Howard said he was in a block of ice and Hank was threatening to pee on the ice. Robin said he was in a bunny outfit too.
Howard said he's going to play a game with Todd while Fred looks for some clips to play. He asked Todd if he'd like to win a sound system from SVS Sound worth 999.99. Howard said he has some games to play. He said he has a Wendy the Slow Adult Dead or Alive game. He had a theme song for the game.
Howard said they're playing the game with Todd today. He gave SVS a plug and said everyone loves Wendy. He said that they want to know if she knows who is dead or alive. Howard said they're going to do a practice session with Todd. He asked what he does for a living. Todd said he's a teacher and he has a DJ business. Howard asked what he likes better. Todd said he would say being a teacher. He said it's rewarding to be a teacher. He said he enjoys the DJ business too. Howard said he has chosen both as equally favorite so he's going to move on. Howard asked if he ever gets to fuck the student's moms. Todd said not yet.
Howard said that he's going to mention a celebrity name and Todd has to guess if Wendy will know if they're dead or alive. Howard said they asked about Larry King. He said this is a test question. Todd said he's going to say she will say he's still alive. Howard played her answer and Wendy said ''dead from cancer.'' Howard said Todd would have had that one wrong.
Howard said that they asked Wendy if Adolph Hitler is alive or dead. Todd said he's going to say she has to know he's dead. Howard played her answer and Wendy said ''Dead. He died of cancer.''
Howard said they asked Wendy if Hillary Clinton is alive or dead. Todd said he's going to say that she will say she's alive. Howard played her answer and Wendy said ''Dead. Somebody shot her.'' Howard said Todd didn't use slow logic. He said that he has to remind him how to play this game. He said he has one right and one wrong so he's fine.
Howard said they asked Wendy if Abraham Lincoln is alive or dead. Todd said he's going to say she thinks that he's dead. Howard played her answer and Wendy said ''Dead. He died from a major overdose.''
Howard said they asked Wendy if FDR is alive or dead. Todd said he's going to say she thinks he's still alive. Howard played her answer and Wendy said ''Alive... just hanging around with his wife.'' Howard said that's how you win a game. He said Todd put on his slow cap and won it.
Howard said he has to answer Todd's question about Eric the Actor or Hank. Fred still didn't have the clips ready to go. Gary said they have some Eric clips but nothing for Hank yet. He said they're working on getting some.
Howard said he'll start with the Eric clips. He played one where Eric revealed that he's ''club fuckin' footed you ass wipe.''
Howard said he loved Eric. He said there was nothing wrong with his foot but then he was double jointed and then he was club fuckin' footed. Howard had another clip of Eric yelling at Fred for playing the ''zero point zero'' clip. Howard asked what it was with the zero point zero. Fred didn't remember. JD said it was the number of tickets that Eric sold for an appearance he was making. Todd knew the answer and told Howard exactly what it was. Howard said every time that clip was played it upset Eric.
Howard said he has some hank clips now. He had one where Hank was at the David Blaine thing. Hank was going to pull down his pants. Howard said that wasn't a great clip. He said he thinks he's going with Eric the Actor. Robin said she's go with Eric too. Fred agreed. He said Hank was great too but Eric was involved with so much on the show. He said there were so many things. Howard said alright.
Howard said to him when he evaluates the shows Eric believed in Werewolves. He said he made them put into his rider that he had to be protected from werewolves on the set. Gary said he was going to open up a modeling agency where they would have to live with him for a year. Gary said Hank fell off a stool when he was in a game with him.
Howard said he has a bit where Eric and Hank met in Heaven. He played that bit where the guys put clips of both of them together. Howard said he has audio of Eric talking about werewolves too. He played that clip where he read the list of things that he had to be protected from. Eric said there are legitimately werewolves in that area.
Howard said Eric was great. He put Todd on hold so he could get his prize. Howard said he can't do a whole day of Eric clips. Robin said his catalog is too deep.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said it has to be Eric. He said Hank had his moments but Eric was an endless supply. Howard said people would write about how sick they were of Eric. He said he never got sick though. He said he would have him on every day if he could. Ralph said he misses Eric. He said he loved that people got sick of him.
Howard said Ralph was over yesterday. He said he was listening to him about his life. He said he won't get into specifics. He said you're supposed to listen to people you love and he tried that. He said it was hard. He said he tried not to talk about himself and it was really hard. He said he doesn't like it much. He said he did try though.
Howard said he was trying to be there for Ralph. He said the whole time he was fighting it and just wanted to go downstairs to get away from him. Ralph said he didn't know why he was even telling him this stuff. He said he asked himself why he was telling him.
Howard said his therapist said that Ralph is a good friend because he does confide in him. He said that Ralph did thank him afterward. Ralph said in general people don't want to hear your shit. He said he won't bore him with that stuff. He said he told him but whatever.
Howard said Ralph was on vacation last week and he's not sure how you tell. Ralph said he just went down the shore for a few days. He said he didn't call it a vacation. Howard said he did use that word. Ralph said he didn't. He said he's never telling Howard anytime ever again. Howard said next week they'll do it.
Ralph asked Howard why he needs a vacation when he's off all the time. Howard said he's worked all his life and he deserves it. He asked why he's going off on him. Ralph apologized. Howard asked if he's wearing a robe over there. Ralph said he's about to go running so he's dressed. He said he has short shorts on with his ass hanging out. Howard tried to let him go a short time later. Ralph said Eric was the best. Howard agreed. Robin said they didn't play clips from his shows where he analyzed American Idol. Howard said he doesn't know what he was thinking. He said it would have to be Eric.
Howard let Ralph go and played more Eric clips. He had the one where Eric did his ''You know what to do... you know what to do.'' with Johnny Fratto.
After that clip Howard said that if you are going to do a hit on someone don't do it on voicemail. He said try to be a little more veiled. Howard said that Tony never tells his guys exactly what to do. He said he was watching a clip the other day where Johnny Sac is talking to Tony and Tony said he can't do this. He said it's all veiled.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to thank him. He said he suffered an injury and he got Dr. Sarno's book and his back pain is gone. Howard said he thinks Dr. Sarno will be breakthrough medicine in a 100 years. He said he was ahead of his time. He said this book exists for people and people don't have to suffer. Howard said he got to spend some time with Dr. Sarno and he was great. He said he helped him out a lot. Howard said he wishes he could bring some of these people back. He said he was thinking about death last night. He said he wishes he knew where the essence of Eric is at.
Robin said she was telling someone about her cat that died and said that they had crossed the rainbow bridge. She said you can't tell someone your cat died. Howard said he'd like to think that they're not the same as ants. He said that you'd have to follow the logic that they're just as alive as you are. He said that would mean that heaven is filled with mosquitos. Robin said she was thinking about how dead people are selfish. She said that they take up space in graveyards. Robin said Howard has a plan for being planted. Howard said he's going to be in a mausoleum. He said he has plans already. He said he will go down in history and people will want to see where he's at.
Howard said Beth told him she's going to jump on top of him in his grave. He said that he wishes that was true but she's going to live longer. He said that he doesn't want her to remarry though. He said that he wants her to just be his widow. He said he has a will that says the executors will give her more money if she's miserable than she will get if she's happy.
Howard said he's looking at the things that went on while they were on vacation. He said that Andy Dick was arrested. Cardi B gave birth to her child. Howard said there's a lot of stuff. He said Nancy Sinatra died at 101. He said George Clooney was injured on a scooter. He asked why he was on a scooter. Gary said he was hit by a car that went through a red light. Robin said he was trying to be like the other Italians and trying to fit in over there. Howard said he hopes his face wasn't harmed.
Howard said George Clooney is on the phone. He took the call from fake George who sounded just like Asian Pete. Howard asked ''George'' a few questions about his accident and his answers were very hard to understand.
Robin said she doesn't think this is going to be the same life he had before. Howard said he's going to have his life looking at porn all day. Howard asked George if he has ever watched porn. George mumbled something. Howard was just making up the conversation because Pete's words were unintelligible. He went to break after doing a live commercial read.
- Ronnie's Pool Push, Twitter Accounts And Bobo's Racism? 07/17/18. 9:25am
After the break they played a Baba Booey song parody, a voicemail message from Richard Christy's dad about their coon dog dying and Genesis' ''I Can't Dance.''
Howard came back and said he's not sure how he feels about this song. He said that's Phil Collins singing. Fred said it's Genesis though. Howard said he's not a big Genesis guy. He said this song he can get into though. He said it has a good riff. He said he's not sure he's put this on his personal playlist. He said Ronnie is into it. Fred was playing Ronnie saying ''Du.'' with the song.
Howard said someone sent him a video of Ronnie pushing his fiancee into a pool in Vegas. He asked what's wrong with him. He said he's like a 2 year old. He said then he's cracking up like he's 7. Howard said he thinks he put it on Facebook. Gary said it was on Stephanie's Facebook. Howard said he doesn't know what chick likes that. He said Ronnie thinks they're just having fun.
Howard said he pushed her in pretty violently. Robin said it was very 5th grade. Howard said he got her right from behind.
Howard said this Twitter exchange happened while they were off. He said this is why he loves the Wack Pack. He said that High Pitch Erik was arguing with a guy named Rocco. He said Rocco said something about him smelling like doody. He said Erik got into a fight with the guy over that. He said Erik wrote back that he does not. He said he takes a shower ''every fucking week.'' Howard said he showers every week. He said that's his comeback. He said Marfan Mike told him to take one every day. Then Erik writes back that he doesn't have time. Howard said he's not sure what he's doing that makes him too busy to shower.
Howard said Chrissy Teigen posted a picture of herself breast feeding her daughter's doll. He said he's not sure what she's trying to do. Robin said she does like attention.
Howard said they say that Twitter was cracking down on people buying followers. He said Sunday night last week they were going to remove everyone's bought and paid for followers. Howard said how pathetic are you to buy followers? He said that he was checking people out to see how many they lost. He said Katy Perry lost 2.8 million. Then he looked at his and he saw that he lost 100,000. He said he thinks they just went through and cut everyone down to make it seem like they erased followers. Howard said he never bought any followers. He said Bruce Springsteen lost 19,000 followers. He said Gary lost 10,000. He said he believes Gary paid for his. Robin wondered if she lost any. Howard said Ronnie lost 9,000.
Howard said what he's trying to say is that it proves there is no credibility. He said he's never paid for a follower. He said he doesn't think Ronnie or Bruce Springsteen did either. He said he thinks they just cut out a percentage.
Gary said that they are fake accounts with no person behind them. He said they just closed those accounts. Howard said he's got it.
Howard said Oprah lost 1.4 million and he thought she had bought those. Robin said a few weeks before there were advertisers who said they had to have valid accounts or they weren't going to pay for advertising. Howard said a lot of things happened while they were off.
Howard said before they went on vacation the were talking about words that were racist and they didn't even know. He said this guy used ''Cotton picking'' and it got people in an uproar. Howard said Bobo is worried that he used phrases that could be considered racist. Howard played a clip of Bobo talking about how he was thinking about what he's said in his classes and how he has talked about ''squinty eyes'' and that might be racist. Howard said Bobo is so dopey. He said that's not racist. Robin asked if he's surprised by this. Howard said poor Bobo has no idea what it is.
Howard said Bobo was upset that he used the term ''Jerry rigged.'' Howard played a clip of Bobo talking to Shuli about that. Shuli asked why that's offensive. Bobo said that people would say ''Nigger rigged'' and people would correct him. He said that he'd use ''Jerry rigged'' and people would ask if he meant ''Nigger rigged.'' Bobo said he can't use that term. He said he knows that was associated with the other term. Howard said Shuli said that Bobo called him in a panic over that.
Howard said he's not sure what Bobo is even talking about. He said he didn't say anything racist. He said he's now concerned that he was racist. Robin said he's trying to say that he was racist.
Howard had Shuli come in and tell him what's going on with Bobo. Shuli said he texted him that day and he was apologizing for being racist even though he wasn't racist. Howard had more audio of Bobo going on and on about how he was worried about what he said in his classes. He said he's not racist. He told Shuli about the term ''Nigger chasers'' that he used when he had fireworks. Howard said Bobo is such a bore.
Howard had Bobo on the phone and asked if people would use the N-word in his class. Bobo said they did. Howard asked why anyone would do that. He said it's like he's teaching the KKK. Robin said Jerry Rigged has nothing to do with ''Nigger Rigged.'' Bobo said that not everyone would do that but there were people who would. He said he never used the term but he was afraid of saying ''squinty eyes.'' Bobo said he doesn't want to offend anyone. Howard said he should spend less time thinking.
Howard said he loves that Shuli lets him dig himself right into a hole. Bobo explained how he used ''Jerry rigged'' when he would tell people how to use a rag on a wiper blade arm if you lose your blade. Howard said Bobo is out of his mind.
Howard asked if he uses the term ''blind spot.'' Bobo said of course he does. Howard said that's hurtful to blind people. Howard asked if he ever says ''Floor it.'' Bobo said he does. Howard said that's racist. He said that's from black people being dragged behind cars and they'd say ''floor it.'' Bobo said he didn't know that. Howard said maybe he is racist.
Howard asked if he ever said monkey wrench. Bobo said he did. Howard said that's racist. He said rear view is a gay man's view of his sexual partner. Bobo said he never thought about that. He said that's not as strong as the other ones.
Howard said ''blind spot'' is the worst. He said he has to stop using that and ''floor it.'' Howard said he can't say ''blinker'' because that's a slur for Asian. Bobo said he didn't know that. He said he's rethinking everything he's taught for the past 37 years. Howard said that's a term he has to stop using. Bobo said he used that back in the day. Robin said that was some day.
Howard said he has to stop using the term gear shift. He said that's an Indian term. Bobo said he never knew that. He said he has him rethinking everything. Shuli said he should think about that.
Howard said that Al Sharpton was talking about how Seat Belt is racist because it's a term that was used in slave days. He said that you have to use the term ''restraint.'' Howard said he's not comfortable saying seat belt on the show. He said he would never use it in front of white or black. He said if he was a driving instructor he'd never use it.
Howard said he bets some of Bobo's best friends are black. Bobo said he does have black friends. He said he had a best friend up in New York. Howard said if he's going around saying seat belt in front of him he's going to stop talking to him.
Bobo said he has to rethink it all now. He said he was never corrected about this stuff. Howard said there are things you just never say. He said it's weird that he doesn't know seat belt was a racist term. Howard and Shuli kept pushing that on Bobo and Bobo was falling for it thinking he's been using the wrong term all these years.
Howard had a clip of Bobo apologizing to anyone he may have offended over the years. He said something about a ''lie-berry'' so Howard asked him to spell it. He spelled it right but he can't say it right. Howard said he doesn't get how he can say ''Jerry'' but not library. He had Bobo say Broom. Bobo said it but Howard said it sounds like he's trying to silence the R in the word.
Howard played more of Bobo talking about the words he has used and how he didn't know they were racist. Bobo used the term ''nigger rigged'' in the apology so they pointed that out to him. Bobo said he was just saying that he had never used that term. Howard said don't use Floor it or Seat Belt again. He said he doesn't use those terms at all. Bobo said that floor it was a 60s term. Howard said that African Americans were dragged behind cars and when you say that you're disgracing everyone. Bobo said he's glad he told him. Shuli asked if he wants to apologize now. Bobo did. He said he's sorry he used those phrases.
Howard said Bobo claims that fans were hounding him during vacation. Howard said that's bullshit. Bobo said he was at Disney and he had fans coming up to him there. He said that he wasn't going to hang out with them because he's with his family. Bobo said that he brought it on himself. He said now he wears a cap and glasses to Disney when he goes there. Howard said he wouldn't even recognize him there. Bobo said that it took less than an hour for people to come up to him. He claims that half a dozen people came up to him at Disney. Howard said it slows him down for a full 30 seconds.
Shuli said he was forced to take a vacation with no show for a week. Shuli asked if he wants to tell that story. Bobo said he had to stay off of social media so he could concentrate on family. Shuli said he broke that and he did have to tweet about Evil Dave. Howard asked how he knew about it if he was off social media. Shuli said he was supposed to be on lock down.
Howard took a call from an upset African American woman who said she doesn't understand how Bobo doesn't know that seat belt is an offensive term. She said that Bobo is just passing it on to other people.
Howard asked how long Bobo was off the grid. Shuli said he was off about a week and a half. He said he was supposed to be off for 3 weeks. Shuli said that Bobo was taking pictures with the mascots at Disney and posting them. Bobo said he did it for his kid. He said it was a goof. Howard said sure it was. Shuli ran out to get the pictures.
Howard asked who he got a picture with. Bobo said he doesn't know who they are. Shuli came back in laughing. Bobo said that they're for kids. Shuli had the pictures that he was showing to Howard. Howard showed Robin the pictures. Robin said she's not sure who looks more fake. Shuli said he was tweeting all of this stuff.
Howard asked if he gives Bobo a list of terms if he can tell him if they're offensive. Bobo said sure. Howard asked about blind spot. Bobo said that's not. He said seat belt isn't either. Howard said keep using it and see what happens to him.
Gary had a picture of the hat that Bobo as wearing at Disney. Howard asked if that's an upside down wok. Bobo said he probably offended people with that one. Shuli said everything is a goof for Bobo. Howard said it looks better than his toupee.
Bobo said he got a second letter off to President Trump. He said this is a new one. Howard asked if he wrote it at the lie-berry. The guys were goofing on Bobo sniffing after he says something like that.
Howard let Bobo go. He said he loves his calls. He said he has Goofy on the phone. He didn't know he had him on. He picked up and let the guy do his Goofy voice for about 2 seconds.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Bobo is that dumb or just seeking attention. Howard said he doesn't know. He asked what Shuli thinks. Shuli said he speaks to him a lot and there is no bit there. He said what you see is what you get.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that he wears a Sirius jacket with his name on it at Disney. Howard said that's a good point. He said he's complaining about fans bothering him and his name is on a SiriusXM jacket. Howard said he knew a famous guy who was in a TV show and he was always complaining that people recognized him and he would do the same thing. He had a jacket for the show with his name on it. He said no one would know who he is if he didn't wear it.
Howard took a call from Marfan Mike who said he got a text from High Pitch Erik threatening him again. Howard asked why. Marfan said it's because of the shower thing. Howard explained that story again. He said Erik says he doesn't have time to shower more than weekly. Mike said that he's going to block him.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said that he showers every day. He said it must be a fake account. Howard said it's his account though. Erik said there are millions of fake accounts going around. Howard said it's @HPErik1971. Erik said his is actually @HPErik712. Erik said that he didn't do anything. It was an imposter.
Howard spent a little time talking to Erik about that stuff and then another Erik called into the show claiming to be the real Erik. It was a guy doing an impression of Erik. Erik said fuck you. Fake Erik said fuck you back to Erik. Howard let that go on for a minute.
Shuli asked how much Erik weighs these days. Erik said he was 289 the other day. Howard said good work. Marfan Mike said he went fishing. Howard thought he said ''fisting.'' Marfan said he met a fan out there. Howard said okay. He asked where he's going with this. Mike didn't have anything else with that story. Robin told him to work on those stories.
Howard said that Marfan and Erik are still rivals. He played a song parody that the two of them did. They went to break a short time later.
- Robin's News. 07/17/18. 10:20am
After the break Howard came right back and said it's time for news. They played a song parody for Robin. Howard said that was in honor of Dave Matthews' appearance on the show. Howard said Dave was on the show and he has to say that so many song parodies came in after that.
Robin read a story about the most common sexual fantasies. Robin asked what Howard's are. Howard said he doesn't have that many really. He said that he is very happy with his wife. Robin said he still masturbates. Howard said he's just keeping the pipes clear. He said he likes lesbian porn. He said he used to fantasize about being in it. Robin said the number 1 fantasy is... Howard wanted to guess. A threesome is number 1. Howard said number 2 is probably fucking a teacher. Robin said no. She said that is not on the list. Robin said he's not thinking. Robin said that pain is number 2. She said number 3 is shaking things up. She said that means having sex with someone else if you're married. Robin said number 4 is public sex. She said that it's one of the biggest fantasies for women. Howard said not for Beth. He said that she likes it in the bedroom. Robin said that's just what they do. She said that's not what Beth is thinking about.
Robin said number 5 is open relationships. She said number 6 is meaningful sex. Howard said that's where the man is totally into you. Robin said that's it. she said that's what she'd like. Robin said number 7 is same sex encounters. Howard said that's not his thing. He said he does want to jerk Fred off though.
Robin read a story about straws being a problem to the environment. Howard said the birds and fish are being killed by the plastic in our oceans. He said he is for paper straws. Robin said she wants a working straw. Howard said they work. Robin said no they don't. Howard said his mom used to have a metal straw. Robin said she has the hard plastic reusable ones. Robin said someone lost it though. Howard said use that. He said it's so depressing what we're doing to this planet. Robin said Starbucks is going to a strawless cup. Robin said the disabled are upset and questioning their straw ban. Howard said there's always someone with a problem. Robin said they're planning a protest of Starbucks now.
Howard said he's against balloons too. He said people release them at parties and graduations and stuff. He said they end up in the ocean and they kill wildlife. Howard said use your fucking head.
Robin read a story about Howard being lauded in the Daily News today. They mentioned that he was talking about the governor keeping talk shows in the city by giving tax breaks. Howard said he didn't see the story in the paper today. Robin said maybe it was online only. Howard said he hates when that happens. Howard said it's great to keep them there. He said there are not enough people to go to those dopey shows on Broadway. Robin said she went to see Idina Menzel and the play Skin Tight is wonderful.
Robin read a story about Cynthia Nixon and asked if Howard is against her. Howard said he likes her but he thinks Governor Cuomo is doing a good job. He said that he thinks if someone is doing a good job they should be rewarded. Howard said he has never met Cuomo. He said he just likes pointing out when someone is doing good. He said he's not that cynical that he has to knock every politician.
Robin said they're saying that some of the illegal immigrant children who are being reunited with their parents don't recognize them. Robin said she was wondering who those people are who took these kids from their parents. She said when you're anonymous then you can do this kind of thing. Howard said that's why he's all for those GoPros on people's helmets. He said when you're being recorded maybe you won't do stupid things like that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a man who died after an accident with a sword. Robin said he was walking down his own stairs and tripped and thrust the sword into his groin. Fred played a Jackie laugh. Howard said that is a bad way to go. Robin said it really is.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to thank them for helping him get through school and dialysis. He said that it's a lot easier to get through when he's going through all of that. Howard thanked him for that. The caller said he has a poly-cystic kidney. He said that he had a 25 pound kidney removed a few years ago. He said he has another kidney that's about 23.5 pounds and he's waiting on a transplant. Howard asked where he's going to get one of those. Robin said there's a list but if you can find someone who matches. The caller said that it's riddled through his whole family so he can't get one from them. Howard wished him luck with all of that. The caller, Jason, said he has a metal straw and they say that they can be a choking hazard if you're using it while driving. Howard said you should just be driving anyway. Robin said he makes it so boring. Howard said that machine is a dangerous instrument. He said please make sure you use your restraints. He said he made sure not to say seat belt.
Robin read a story about Jeff Bezos being the richest man in the world. Howard said he deserves it. He said he loves how easy he's made it to get stuff. Robin said that now you get upset that they take as long as they do. Howard said that guy deserves to be the wealthiest guy. He said he pulled it off somehow where they get packages in a day. Robin wondered what her Whole Foods benefits are. She didn't know how that works. Howard said he can't get into ordering food. He said they have services to get food delivered. Howard said he can't get into that. He said his mother used to say... He grabbed the megaphone and did his mom's voice telling him how she shops for her own produce. He had her talking about this guy who helped her get a good cantaloupe by shaking it. Howard had her talking about how you have to pick your own or you'll get bad fruits and vegetables.
Robin read more about Jeff Bezos and how he's worth $150 billion. Robin said he has surpassed Bill Gates. Howard said he would like to interview Jeff on the show. He said he's putting that out there for him. Howard said he wants to interview him but not Bill Gates. He said he doesn't like Windows. He said he wants to interview Warren Buffet too. He said no one gave that guy anything. He said he worked hard and had a great philosophy. Gary asked about Elon Musk. Howard said he doesn't know his story. Robin said he started PayPal with another guy. Howard said he doesn't understand that. He said he likes regular money. Robin said this is not Bitcoin. Robin said it's just another way to buy things on the internet. Robin said he started Tesla and SpaceX. Howard said that's cool but he's not using all of that stuff. Howard said he's just interested in Jeff Bezos. Gary said they're also working on something that can get you from L.A. to San Francisco in like 60 minutes. Howard said he just wants Jeff Bezos. Gary said he's working on it. Robin mentioned that Elon had dated this singer and Howard said he should have dated a singer while he was single. He said he didn't think about that. He said he's reading Joni Mitchell's book and it's really good. He said that he could have hooked up with a Jewell or a Cher or someone like that. Robin said maybe Alanis Morissette. Howard said that would have been fun. He said he would have been beside himself. He said that he could have told Robin stories about who blew him last night and it could have been Sheryl Crow or someone like that. He was going through a ton of female singer names and talking about what he could be talking to Robin about. He said he's really happy where he's at though. He said maybe he wouldn't have met Beth and things wouldn't have ended so well with a singer.
Robin read a story about the top paid entertainer of 2017 being Floyd Mayweather. Robin said he pulled in $285 million from June 2017 and June 2018. Robin said that George Clooney is second with $239 million. Robin said Kylie Jenner is 3rd and Judge Judy is next and then Dwayne Johnson.
Howard said he could have made a ton of money if he had put out products like some people do. He said he had integrity though. He said now he's sitting there in poverty.
Robin read a story about Trump and Putin's meeting yesterday in Helsinki. Robin said that Trump is calling the meeting very good. Robin said later in the day the President said that he believes Putin more than our security and information services about the Russian interference in the 2016 election. Robin said a lot of people are upset that he did that. Robin said Stephen Colbert was upset. Robin had some audio of him talking about how this should be considered treason. Robin said Colbert said this shook him to his core. Howard said it's confusing to him for sure. Robin said they're saying that Russia may have something on Trump but she thinks that all you have to do is say you like Trump and he'll warm up to you. Robin had some audio of Trump saying that they have no information on him from 2013 when he visited Russia. Robin said Putin claims he doesn't have anything on Trump and he didn't try to influence the election. Howard said that guy is a fucking monster. He said don't believe anything he says. Robin said our president is bowled over by him. Robin said everything today is hard to understand in politics.
Robin read a story about it being all star season. She said that game will be going on tonight.
Robin said there was another one of those statues that was crying in New Mexico. Robin said someone collected the tears. She said they tested the tears and it turned out to be olive oil. Howard said that's pretty good that she can cry olive oil. Robin said they're saying it might be all a hoax. Robin said they say they haven't been able to figure out how it gets in side the statue.
Robin said a new island is being formed by a volcano in Hawaii. Robin said they say it could be a mound of lava that is just building up off shore. Robin said a bus tour was also in danger when they were going around looking at the lava flows. Robin said one person died from the volcano erupting. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.