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-- Monday, August 21, 2017 --

  • Ronnie Vs. Shuli. 08/21/17. 7:00am
    Show opening bits and songs included: A ''The King of Comedy'' movie clip, a phony phone call to Tan Mom with Billy Mira playing David Lee Roth making up songs for a tribute for when she dies, Ringo Starr's ''Peace and Love'' message about not responding to any more fan mail, Sheryl Crow performing ''Everyday is a Winding Road'' in the Howard Stern Show studio.

    Howard started the show talking about how great it is to be there on a Monday morning. He said all the broadcasters want to be there. He said they all laughed when they said they'd never laugh. Howard said now they have 32 million people with them. Howard had Ronnie laughing and a song parody with Ronnie's laugh in it.

    Howard said that Ronnie was laughing like a maniac last week. He said he got like 50 Ronnie songs after that. He said they put his laugh into songs. Howard played a couple of those song parodies. They had Ronnie laughing in Pink Floyd's ''Brain Damage'' and other songs.

    Howard said Ronnie was tweeting up a storm over the weekend about how Shuli is a back stabber. Gary said Ronnie was goofing on Shuli about taking time off for paternity leave. He was asking if he had to breast feed. Gary said he also retweeted a picture of Shuli as a man breast feeding. Howard played a ''Hollywood Mund'' song parody after that.

    Howard said that was a fun week. He said he got a lot of email about Ronnie and his big movie part on the Adam Sandler movie. Howard said people want more Ronnie. He said Shuli did an excellent job of covering that day on the movie set. Howard said now there's a huge feud between Ronnie and Shuli. Robin asked why Ronnie is upset. Howard said he thinks Shuli is a back stabber. Robin asked what Shuli did. Howard said he thinks it's just shtick. He said he didn't have a problem with Shuli last week.

    Ronnie came in and said he wasn't mad at Shuli last week. He said that he remembered that month he took off for paternity leave. He said his wife was doing everything when he was off. Ronnie said he was there busting his balls for taking a couple of hours off. He said he was annoyed with Shuli. He said someone reminded him about Shuli taking time off. He said that's when he went off on Shuli. He said he just got annoyed. Howard said Ronnie is kind of like Trump. He said he sits around and gets annoyed by stuff when people tell him.

    Howard said that they did ask Shuli to follow Ronnie around. Ronnie said no one asked him to do that. Howard said he did. He said he's like Rowdy Ronnie Piper now. He said he's really annoyed by Shuli.

    Howard said Shuli is late this morning. He's stuck on the train. Gary said he just got a note saying he's stuck in the train about 4 blocks away. He's on his way to work though. Howard said he should get there a little early. Robin said he was stuck for 20 minutes and he can't make it to work on time. Robin said he must be cutting it too close. Howard said now Ronnie has him on the ropes. HE's showing up late to work.

    Howard said Shuli just lost his argument. Howard asked what he did this weekend. Ronnie said he went to dinner a couple of times. Ronnie said he's going to Vegas on Sunday. He said he's hosting the exotic dancer awards.

    Ronnie said there's some magazine out there that you can get called Exotic Dancer magazine. He wasn't sure where you can get it. Howard said all of the magazines are going out of business but not that one. Fred did his Ronnie impression and said that he calls that the Twat Gazette.

    Howard said Ronnie is mad that they're sending Wolfie out there to cover him. Ronnie said he'd like someone he likes to come out there with him. He said that he'd rather have someone like Memet out there. Howard said Memet will have a breakdown if you ask him anything. He said he needs someone to break balls. Ronnie said he knows how to break balls. Howard said not like Wolfie.

    Howard said Ronnie is going to share a room with Wolfie. Howard said Stephanie is going to have her own room. Ronnie said that's not happening.

    Ronnie said he was supposed to host a bikini contest but now he's the co-host of the thing. He said Stephanie is going to be a judge. Howard said it would be funnier to have Ronnie host it. Ronnie said he will go out and break balls instead. Howard said imagine that. He said Ronnie is going to break balls. He said Wolfie is going to observe him. He said he's his Jane Goodall. Ronnie didn't know who that was. Howard said she used to observe apes in the jungle.

    Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Ronnie and coming up with crazy stuff Ronnie could say about Jane Goodall.

    Howard said Ronnie has a sex tip for the solar eclipse. He played the clip and Ronnie was talking about taking your lady to the roof of your building and taking ice cubes to put on her clit so you can lick it and suck it while she's getting hot from the sun. He said that's called the Solar E-clits.

    Howard said Ronnie had that all wrong because the sun is being blocked by the moon so she wont be getting hot. Howard said the eclipse might not last long enough to do that. Robin said it goes for like an hour or so. Howard said that's going to take a lot of time to do what Ronnie was talking about.

    Howard said that's very New York centric. He said not everyone lives in a building. He said that's mostly in New York City. Howard said he bets Ronnie came up with that on his own. Robin said she doesn't think so. Ronnie told her to go fuck herself.

    Howard did his Ronnie voice talking about taking the subway during the eclipse so you don't go blind while the eclipse is happening.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's on team Ronnie and not Shuli. He said that Shuli is late. Howard said that's true that Ronnie is never late. Howard said Shuli just got there if anyone cares. Ronnie said no one cares.

    Shuli came in and said it took Ronnie 5 days to get mad at him. He said that it was actually 4. Howard said he wasn't upset with him on Wednesday. Shuli said that was 7 years ago that he took the month off. Ronnie asked what he did to help his wife. Shuli asked what he did to help his wife. Ronnie said he doesn't have a wife. He had one but not anymore. He said he did help her. Shuli said he can't imagine him changing a diaper. Shuli said he hasn't known a good dad who has Playboy mud flaps. Ronnie asked what that has to do with it. Howard said in his defense he changes his own diaper now.

    Ronnie said that Shuli thought it was funny to tape him walking up stairs. Howard said that was pretty funny. Howard asked if Shuli was shocked about him tweeting about him. Shuli said not at all. He said he told Ronnie to have some respect because Jerry Lewis died and he was younger than him. Howard said that's pretty funny. Ronnie said it's not that funny.

    Howard said Ronnie is mad at Shuli now. Ronnie said he's not mad. He was just annoyed. Robin asked why he keeps making that distinction. Howard said he's not sure what the difference is. Ronnie said he didn't do half the shit that Shuli said he did.

    Ronnie said he did Cougar Town and Limitless and he was fine with his lines. He said on this one he had one word. He said he did just fine with that too after messing it up once. Shuli asked if he nailed it every time after the one screw up. Ronnie said they did it in rehearsal and he messed it up. He said when they filmed it he messed it up once. Shuli said there were third and fourth times. Ronnie said there were not other takes that he screwed up. Ronnie said it wasn't him. Howard asked if he's annoyed with him saying that. Ronnie said he's fucking lying.

    Shuli said his wife had some problems with postpartum depression so he stayed home with her on this second kid. Shuli said he was there to make sure she didn't lose her mind like every woman who is with Ronnie.

    Howard said he knew he was going to be annoyed with Shuli. He said Shuli even predicted it. Ronnie said fuck him. Shuli brought up how Ronnie said ''Mund'' to the woman when he was checking in. Ronnie asked what the big deal was with that. Shuli said he said it at least 3 times. He did an impression of Ronnie saying that.

    Howard took a call from a woman who said that Shuli is hilarious as Tan Mom. Ronnie said he does one thing. Howard had Shuli do his Tan Mom voice. He had the woman on the phone cracking up.

    Howard said Ronnie did a voice over for a cartoon in 2013 and he messed up a lot. Ronnie said they wanted a lot of different takes for that. Howard had some audio from that recording session. They had Ronnie doing his lines and messing up a bunch of times. He kept repeating his line ''Hey you with the freak show of a chin...'' They had him messing up some other lines that he was repeating.

    Shuli said he takes back what he said. He said he nailed it every time. Howard played more of the lines he was repeating. Howard said the guy said that Beetlejuice is easier to work with. Ronnie said yeah, he's the only one who ever fucks up. He said actors never fuck up. Howard and Fred were doing impressions of Ronnie screwing up his lines.

    Ronnie said people screw up. He said when he screws up it's like the world came to an end. Howard and Fred were making up lines that Ronnie could have screwed up. Fred said they call him 300 take Ronnie.

    Ronnie said they never call Shuli for voice over. Shuli said he did a couple of shows. He said he did Brickleberry and another one.

    Howard and Fred were doing more lines that Ronnie could have messed up. Shuli said he has people tweeting him about the movie that Ronnie did and they have Ronnie listed as Pallbearer #5. Ronnie said it's more of a part than he'll ever have. Ronnie said Shuli took off 30 days to play Xbox at home. He said he could have worked at home or something. Shuli said he would know what he did at home. Ronnie said they know he just played games at home. He could have been writing.

    Howard played more song parodies about Ronnie. Ronnie said he knows that his phone will keep ringing and Shuli's won't ever ring for jobs like that. Howard and Fred were still making stuff up that Ronnie could have fucked up in the voice over recording session.

    Howard played the voice over clip again and Shuli asked if he could say the line now. Ronnie said he can't remember what the line was. He said he spent all of 35 minutes there for that. Robin said he gives people his money's worth. Howard said he's available for all kinds of work.

    Ronnie said he wrote a song for Robin too. Shuli said he was rude toward Robin last week telling her to shut the fuck up. Howard asked what song he wrote for Robin. Ronnie said it's for the eclipse. Howard said it's not produced yet. Howard said he can go yell at them for not getting it ready. Ronnie said he heard it and it was done. Howard said maybe he's perfecting it.

    Shuli asked if they give Ronnie that line now can he do it. Howard gave it to him and Ronnie repeated it. They had him saying ''tetherball tool bag.'' Howard had Shuli do it as Tan Mom. He did that and had Robin and Howard laughing.

    Howard said Ronnie is going to hate having Wolfie with him on Sunday. Ronnie said he's going to get him thrown out. Shuli said Ronnie is going to miss him out there. Shuli said if he thinks he's annoyed now... Ronnie said he'll just have him thrown out.

    Howard played a song parody that Ronnie did about Robin. They had him singing about Robin putting her pussy two lips on his cock.

    Howard replayed the song and said this is Ronnie and Stephanie's wedding song. Shuli was announcing him like he was at the wedding. Ronnie said he just did that song like 10 minutes ago. He said he did it in 30 seconds. Howard said the best songs are recorded in 30 seconds. Robin said he always says that.

    Ronnie said that Shuli is jealous of him. He said he gets to follow him around like his little man and cover it. Shuli said there was nothing that made him happier than seeing Ronnie up there with Chris Rock, Adam Sandler and all of those guys.

    Howard asked Ronnie how he says the word tickling. Ronnie said it and it was fine. Howard said he heard that he had problems with it. Ronnie said this never ends. Howard had Ronnie singing a Happy Days song parody. He was messing up words in that song.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said this is becoming the Ronnie show. He said it used to be the Memet show and now it's the Ronnie show. Howard said it's so entertaining to him. The caller said Ronnie is not entertaining. He said Shuli is. Ronnie said he's a scream.

    Howard said he wasn't going to have him in there but it just happened. Shuli said it was great when they had Letterman on and Robin said she could only think about Ronnie on the set of that movie. Ronnie said that it's so much ball busting. Shuli said he's crying about it but everyone takes it there. Ronnie said Shuli took 30 days off of work for no reason. Shuli said that was 7 years ago. Ronnie said it doesn't matter.

    Ronnie asked why he was late this morning. Shuli said it was the MTA that had problems. He said he got off and took a cab to work.

    Howard took a call from Bobo and Ronnie said he's another asshole. He said he can take his driving test and shove it up his ass. Bobo said he was complaining about his van driver and he's doing the same stuff as that driver. Ronnie said he doesn't know what he does. He said he's just breaking his balls.

    Howard said it would be so good if he took a test with Bobo. Howard said let him do it. Ronnie asked why it's interesting. Howard said it would be funny to hear that. Ronnie asked when he last drove in Manhattan. Bobo said he has been driving for a long time. Bobo said Ronnie didn't have a Class 1 license. Ronnie said he gave his up. Bobo said he still has his. Ronnie said he didn't need it anymore. Bobo said you don't give it up unless you're never going back to it. Ronnie said he didn't need it.

    Howard said it sounds like he's feuding with everyone. He said that maybe these guys are jealous. Ronnie said he never brings it up to anyone. He said he never says boo about it. Shuli goofed on him for saying that. Howard said that is an old saying.

    Howard asked who Ronnie would save on a sinking ship if it was Wolfie or Shuli. Ronnie said that he would save Shuli in a second. He said Wolfie is a ball breaker. Howard said Wolfie is going to follow him around out in Vegas. Ronnie said he's not flying on the plane with him. Howard said he should be on the plane. Ronnie said it's too late. Shuli said he should be sitting right next to him. Howard had Gary book Wolfie on the plane with him. Ronnie said he's not telling him what plane he's taking. Howard said he should have Wolfie fly the plane.

    Howard said that Ronnie gave up that class 1 license because he never wants to back to driving a truck. Ronnie said he's never doing that again.

    Howard played more of Ronnie fucking up the song parody he did this morning. Shuli said he thought that was one take. Ronnie said it was like 30 seconds.

    Howard was going to let Bobo go but he still wants to do the driving test thing with Ronnie. Ronnie said he'd like to evaluate Bobo in his driving. Bobo said he has over a million miles. Ronnie said he's supposed to be so great. He said he doesn't write down how many miles he's done. He said Bobo writes down every mile.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said Exotic Dancer magazines is just celebrating their 20th anniversary. Ronnie said it's 25 years so he didn't do very good research. The caller said the subscription link was broken. Ronnie asked what he wants him to do about that. He said that he's just working for them.

    Shuli said he's so angry at the guy. Ronnie said he was just correcting what he said. The caller asked what goes on out there for 4 days. Ronnie said they have a lot of stuff going on. Howard said he's hosting the welcoming party too. Ronnie said he was told what he'd be doing out there. Shuli asked what he'll be doing. Ronnie said he's going to be making a speech that he'll write on the plane. Howard said he's going to be mingling out there too. Ronnie said he's been around the industry a long time so that's why he's going to be out there.

    Howard said he was supposed to be a judge or something. Ronnie said no. He said the next night he's co-hosting a bikini contest at the Hard Rock. He said it's open to everyone, not just the dancers.

    The caller asked who he's going to mention the broken subscription link to. Ronnie said he knows the owner.

    Howard asked if the bikini contest is all about looks. Ronnie said they have questions too. He said he's not writing them though. Howard, Fred and Shuli were making up questions that he could ask. Ronnie said he's going to see Mary Carey there too. He said she's an old friend of the show. Howard said she was a nice girl.

    Howard asked who he's going to be welcoming to the party. Ronnie said he has ideas for what he's going to say but he's not going to say them here. Howard said he's going to be busy out there. Gary asked if he's giving the key note address or hosting the awards. Ronnie said he's not hosting. He said he's going to be at the bikini contest and he'll be co-hosting with Mary Carey.

    Howard and the guys were making up more stuff for Ronnie to talk about there at the awards. Ronnie said that Gary was offered a seminar there. He said that they have all of these seminars out there. Gary said they have one about smartphones and marketing on the phones. He had a bunch of other seminars listed. Howard said maybe Gary had some dignity and turned that down.

    Shuli said that Ronnie was all baffled about Gary turning that down. Ronnie said he wasn't baffled. He said they wanted Gary to talk because he's a big producer of the show and he has helped bring it to where it is. Howard asked what they wanted Gary to talk about. Gary didn't remember. He said he just knew he wouldn't be around.

    Howard said Wolfie is going to have his hands full with this one. He said that Wolfie will be there. Ronnie said he might not be. Howard said this is good and he has so much to do. Ronnie said he could have him extracted.

    Robin asked when this is happening. Ronnie said Sunday night is when it all starts. He said then on Monday there's something he forgot. He said Tuesday is the actual award show. He said Monday he has to be at the expo. He said they have booths there. He said they have all kinds of stuff that they sell there like furniture for the clubs and dress companies and things like that. Howard said it's anything to do with the stripping business. Ronnie said that's right. He said they sell shoes and computer companies and stuff are there. Ronnie said he'll be hanging out at the Rick's booth. He said Rick's owns the magazine.

    Howard asked if he'll show off his tattoos out there. He said he loves doing that. Ronnie said that he has shirts that show them off. He said he has some shirts he can wear. Shuli asked if he has ever cut the sleeves off. Ronnie said Howard used to wear those shirts. Howard said Ronnie has super hairy arms. Ronnie said he does not. He said he has to groom it but he doesn't have hair like that. Howard said he doesn't have to groom his arms. Howard said he has hair he just leaves on his arms.

    Howard said he used to go to the tattoo place and they had to shave off his hair. Ronnie said he doesn't have to do that anymore. Howard said he used to look like a Sasquatch. He said they used to say ''Bring your Wookie back here.'' Howard said they also had to work around his moles. Ronnie said it was one mole.

    Robin said she wants to know what his speech is going to be about. Ronnie said he was going to tell it but Shuli pissed him off. Howard asked if he'll write an outline. Ronnie said most of it will be off the cuff. Ronnie said he's making a speech at the opening night party, not at the expo.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said he could listen to this all day long. Howard said he wasn't going to have them in but he got caught up in it. The caller said he can't get enough of this. He said it's magical when Fred and Howard get into that.

    Howard did a recap of what happened between Ronnie and Shuli. Howard said that Ronnie is annoyed with Shuli. He said he will talk to him in the hall. Shuli said he has no choice. Howard said they both did an excellent job. Howard said on Sunday Ronnie is going to the exotic dancer awards. Howard said they're celebrating 25 years. Howard said Ronnie is pissed at Shuli for saying that he got his word wrong in the movie. Ronnie said he didn't get it wrong, he said it at the wrong time. They had audio of him saying the timing was wrong.

    Howard said Wolfie will be covering Ronnie out in Vegas. Ronnie said he doubts that. He said he'll get him kicked out. Howard asked who he is to get him kicked out. Ronnie just laughed. Howard said he better not get word that he fucked with him. Ronnie was laughing like a mad man. Howard said they're going to change it so he's on the plane with Ronnie too. Ronnie said that's not happening. He said the flight is sold out. Howard said they'll get him on there.

    Howard said that they're going to have Wolfie covering it all out there. He said that that's where they're at. Howard said they also had audio of Ronnie screwing up ''Tether ball tool bag.'' Howard said that they also have to have Bobo give Ronnie a driving test.

    Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression. Howard said this is another lunatic. Howard said he's so bad. Howard had to hang up on him. He said he's on the phone for like an hour and then he puts him on and he's like a lunatic. He said he thinks his parents take away his phone.

    Gary said he was out in front of the building last week and he heard Sour make his ''Ooo'' sound out there. He said he saw him hiding behind a pole and he just ran off.

    Howard said he was going to do a Jerry Lewis obituary first thing but he got sidetracked. Ronnie said he has plenty of time since they don't have a guest today. Howard said he could listen to this for 4 hours. He said that Ronnie has been in there for an hour and Shuli for 4 minutes since he showed up late. Howard went to break after that.

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  • TV, Phone Calls And More. 08/21/17. 8:15am
    After the break Howard came right back and said he watched so much TV yesterday. He said it relaxes him. He said he's seen all of the episodes of ''Man in the High Castle.'' He said he's watching the Defenders. Howard said it's good. He said that it's a little bit slow but he likes it. He said they have a bunch of guys teaming up from other shows. He said it's good. He said he'd recommend it. He said it has some depth to it.

    Howard said he watched Growing Up Evancho. He said that was great. He said that her brother became a girl and she looks very girly but hasn't perfected the voice yet. Howard said Jackie Evancho's dad is managing her and he's talking about all of the sacrifices he made for that.

    Howard said he watched a show called ''growing up Super Model'' and it's about kids who aren't all that hot but their parents were. Howard said some of them are even overweight. Robin said she saw some of that and one of the girls was trying to emulate her mom but she looked nothing like her.

    Howard said watching TV makes him feel good. He said he thinks he should be doing something more important but who cares. He said he could be painting or something. He said he could be producing art.

    Howard took a call from a guy who asked about hate groups and if they should be arrested like terrorists. Howard said they are terrorists. Howard said they did a special on Vice about Neo-Nazis and they're all tough guys but one guy had an arrest warrant out for him and he's crying. Howard said these guys are unbelievable. He said they're tough talking Nazis until they get in trouble. Howard said there's another guy who was outed and he's crying about it too. He said that's why they used to wear hoods. Howard said this is so repugnant because so many Americans died over fighting Nazis.

    Howard said Michael Rapaport did a whole rant about the white nationalists. Howard played some of that rant. Rapaport was goofing on them and how they're all fucking losers with nothing better to do on a Friday night.

    Howard said that Michael was upset about getting kicked out of the fantasy football league. He said they actually voted him back in. Howard had a clip of Gary calling Michael and letting him know he's back in. Gary asked if he had anything nice to say to him after letting him back in. Michael said ''Fuck you.'' He said he's not thanking him for anything.

    Howard said he thins he was just busting his balls. Howard said they voted in Brent and Sal and Richard are playing as one guy. Robin asked if you even have to follow football. Gary said Sal knows nothing but Richard follows it. Howard said he continues not to give a shit about it. He said he doesn't get fantasy football at all.

    Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Howard was on the Scott Shannon show. Howard said yeah. Mariann actually stopped talking for a second. Mariann asked Howard if he's going to do the Kimmel show when he's in town. She said that they get a little piece of him from time to time. Howard said it's hard to talk when she's on. Howard hung up on her.

    Howard said his wife was being interviewed by Scott Shannon about the clearing the shelters thing. Howard said the kittens they had born in their house all left over the weekend so they have empty nest syndrome. Howard said Beth went and met with the people who were adopting the kittens. He said that Beth came back saying that she hopes the kids will be gentle with them. Howard said he gets nuts over that too. He said that the kittens were in the house for 9 or 10 weeks and he gets attached. Howard said he gets crazy over it.

    Howard said Scott Shannon is an animal lover apparently. He said he has Beth on and they're number one in terrestrial there in New York. He said he went on for like 2 seconds. Howard said he did a Beth impression. He said he didn't want to hijack her interview. Howard said they wanted to hear from Beth anyway.

    Howard said Mariann was on the Home Shopping Network saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' recently. Howard had a clip of Mariann doing her thing. She did the ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' and got out a shout out for Howard too.

    Howard said that they don't even know what Mariann is talking about in that call. Howard said Mariann asked something else. Robin said that she was asking if he's going to do Kimmel's show and Letterman. Howard said he hopes Jimmy doesn't ask him to do his show. Howard said he doesn't want to do any of these shows. Howard said whenever he does searches on Google they seem to know it's him and they show him stuff about himself. Howard said he wants to go home and relax but all of this stuff shows up with his name. Howard said he's done it all and he doesn't need to do them anymore.

    Howard took a call from a woman who said that she adopted a kitten from Beth yesterday. She said that the kids are fine with the cat. Howard said they put so much work into these kittens. Howard said he told Beth not to give kittens to anyone with little kids. Howard said they start choking them. The caller said they have them in their own area and they'll be fine. Howard said don't let them outside. Howard asked how they're going to keep them in. She said that they will keep them in and she has had cats before. She said she'll do as good a job as Howard and Beth hopefully. Howard said he heard about the kids being all hopped up and he was worried. Howard said they spent so much time with the kittens. He said he's watching her. Howard let her go and said don't let them touch the cats until they're 50.

    Howard said his wife is a do-gooder but it puts her in touch with the public. Howard said he told her not to give the cats to people with little children. He said he's so into these cats. He said he doesn't want anything bad to happen with them. Howard said he kind of wants to keep them all but he can't. He doesn't want to be a hoarder. Robin said it sounds like that woman knows what she's doing.

    Howard said one person wrote to Beth saying their cat got outside and they haven't seen it. Howard said he's not sure why they'd do that. Howard said they wrote it like they wanted them to come up and look for the cat. Howard said they have their own shit going on. Howard said people ask them to help place their cat when they move. Howard said it's their responsibility. He said people drive him crazy.

    Howard said they do want to save these animals. He said that he doesn't like when there are young kids around and they might step on them. Robin said cats survive. Howard said he has no faith in humanity. He said especially with the KKK and all of that. Robin said people seem to like animals more than people. Howard said he's like that. He said he loves Planet of the Apes because they teach humanity a lesson.

    Howard said he loves the apes and what they did. Robin said he should see Kong. Howard said he's not sure he wants to own it. Robin said there is no reason to save the Baywatch movie. Howard said he has friends who watch movies over and over again. He said Ralph is one. He said that he watches maybe once or twice but that's it. Howard asked when Wonder Woman is coming out on DVD. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said he wants to see Spider-Man too. He said that Richard bought that King Kong movie. Howard said that figures. He said he won't even talk to Richard in the morning anymore. He said he just talks about his drinking over the weekend. He said that he's like a 3 year old with his drinking. Howard said get that shit under control. He said Richard's wife is pregnant. He said he's going to be a dad soon.

    Gary said he thinks he's getting better. He said that Richard ordered some special beer and had it shipped to Will's house and he had to lug them in for Richard. Howard said he has to grow up. Howard said it gets him crazy.

    Howard said he gets having a few drinks. He said that when you pee in a diaper that's insane. He said he's too old for that. Howard said Richard talks about drinking Champagne and how he has to take the subway so he can drink. Howard said it becomes so unattractive at some point.

    Howard asked Richard how many drinks he had this weekend. Richard came in a few minutes later and said he had a few. He said he was sipping. Howard said to be so into beer is weird. Richard said they make a lot of good stuff. He said there are a lot of craft beers out there. Howard asked if he could stop for a weekend. Richard said he could but he doesn't have to. Robin said he's so red this morning. Richard said he has to go to the dermatologist a lot. He said he has had stuff removed from his face. He said they found pre-cancerous stuff on his face.

    Richard said when he was a kid he didn't wear sunscreen. He said he has a to of freckles that they have to watch that a lot. Howard said then he goes in the sun and gets more. Richard said he has sunscreen and he uses an umbrella. He said it's funny because it's him and Asian ladies who carry the umbrella. Robin asked how he got so red if he did all of that. Richard said he's embarrassed from them ragging on him.

    Richard thanked will for bringing in the beer. Howard said he has to grow up. Richard said he hasn't been wheeled off a plane in 10 years. Howard told him to go back to his office. Richard said he got everyone out of the office with a fart last week. Howard said he heard about that. He doesn't care. Richard said he thought Howard would yell at him about that. Howard told him to calm down over there. He said he has to take a break and do his obituary kind of thing. They went to break a short time later.

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  • The Radio Is Talking To Howard. 08/21/17. 8:45am
    After the break they played ''A Manly Tip from Richard Christy's Dad'' bit. They also played a phony phone call the guys made to a guy using clips of Robin talking about his gorgeous balls. They played The Smashing Pumpkins cover of ''Landslide'' as they were coming back.

    Howard came back and said that's a good cover. He said that's Billy Corgan. He asked if that's what he did on their show. Fred said it's on an album. Howard said he loves that guy. He said he knows he's overlooked a lot. Howard said Billy isn't given enough respect. Howard said he's a good song writer. Howard asked if he was recognized by the rock and roll Hall of fame. Fred said he doesn't think so. Howard said he's so good.

    Howard said he was working out the other day. He said he's so out of shape. He said he's been lifting and whenever he lifts over 10 pounds everything hurts. Howard said he has a home gym and he put on Lithium on Sirius. Howard said the DJ Madison started talking to him while he was working out. He said she was talking about him and said she knew he was listening. He said it was weird. He said the guys found the rap she did. Howard said it was something about how he's a fan of Sponge. He said Madison was saying that she knew he was listening and Sponge was playing somewhere. He said he thinks she was asking him on a date. Howard said it was very odd. Howard said it was like 2001 A Space Odyssey. Howard said it was like that with her talking to him.

    Howard played a clip of Madison talking about him on Lithium. She was talking about taking him to a Sponge show in Indianapolis. Howard said he knows she's listening now so he's going to tell her that he's not going there. Howard said he's not sure what song it was. Fred played their song ''Plowed'' that he likes. Howard said this song does get him but he's not going to see them perform in Indiana. Howard said this song really gets him. He said that he could break down crying over this song. He said he doesn't want to get into it.

    Howard played more of Madison talking about the Sponge show. Howard said he just cares about that one song they do. Howard said he's not sure he likes anything else they do. Howard said he'd have to sit and wait for that one song. Howard said he thought he was going crazy when he heard the radio talking to him. He said that it was telling him to go see Sponge.

    Howard thanked Madison for the invitation but he's not going. Howard said music depresses him and that's the kind of music he likes. He said he has to feel something. Howard said Trent Reznor sang about how he cut himself so he could feel. Howard said the defenses he has put up can only get cut through by music. Fred played some of that Nine Inch Nails song ''Hurt'' he was talking about. Howard said that's the coolest song ever. Howard said that guy is fucking awesome. Robin said she thinks they're going out on tour again. Howard said there is no anything else. It's just Trent Reznor.

  • RIP Dick Gregory. 08/21/17. 8:55am
    Howard took a call from a guy, Pocket, who said that the best thing about Dick Gregory is that he entitled his book the N-word so everyone would advertise it for him. Howard said Dick died but then Jerry Lewis died and took the attention away from him. Howard said Dick was a great guy and he loved the guy. He said he was so cutting edge. Howard said he did name his book the N-word. He said the guy was out there. He said he was 84 years old. He said he was like the first black comic to do the Tonight Show and he was an inspiration for so many other black comics.

    Howard said Jerry Lewis died and ruined it for Dick. Howard said just think about what was going on in the 60s with comics. Howard said Dick was so witty. Howard said the guy had so many great jokes. He said he had balls and he was funny.

    Howard said there weren't a lot of bits online but he remembers a lot of his stuff. Howard said he had a snow shoveling bit that he used to do. Howard played a clip of Dick telling a joke about shoveling snow and his neighbor got out of her car and said ''Hey boy. You're doing a great job on these people's front.'' and then he said that if she only knew he'd lived there for 20 years.

    Howard said that he's not sure what happened to Dick but he got into these conspiracy theories. Howard said he started talking about that stuff in his act. Howard played an example of him talking about the white people putting something in malt liquor. He said they put manganese in it and that can make you kill your mother.

    Howard said he's right about lead poisoning. He said that you can't even remember your own name. Howard said they had Dick on the show once. He said he wasn't the funny guy anymore. He said he was a great guy though.

    Howard said Jerry Lewis died and took all the attention from Dick. Howard said that's like that day when Farrah Fawecett and Michael Jackson died on the same day. Howard said that happened to Hank the Dwarf. He said that he died right around 9/11 and he was overshadowed by that.

  • Email, And RIP Jerry Lewis. 08/21/17. 9:05am
    Howard said a doctor wrote in and said they think Ronnie has lead poisoning. He said they got a lot of good feedback about David Letterman. Howard said this guy wrote in about Ronnie and the lead poisoning thing. Howard read the note about that and the guy said that he has many symptoms. Howard said they like Ronnie full of lead. He said that's something.

    Howard read some notes about him singing in Autotune and about some of the stories they told during the Letterman interview last week. Howard said he went home and started thinking about what he wanted to ask Dave. He said he had so much more. Howard said he thought of a million things. Howard said he needs Dave back in there. He told Gary to call him. He said Dave is way too modest. He said he acts like he was bad at stand up but he heard that he was great.

    Howard said someone wrote in the email that both he and Dave get embarrassed when they talk about each other. Howard said he thinks that Dave is just being nice.

    Howard said a couple of years ago he got a note from Jerry Lewis about his judging on America's Got Talent. Howard said it was kind of cool. He said that he was a fan of Jerry's. He said he never thought of him as a stand up comic. He said he was more like Lucille Ball. He said he was really talented and a great physical comedian. Howard said he was great as a bell hop or whatever. Robin said that he and Dean Martin used to team up and appear in clubs. Howard said that's right. He said you see that these days with Ronnie and Shuli.

    Howard said that Jerry and Dean broke up because they were upset with the amount of screen time they were getting. Howard said that Jerry did his own solo movies and some people thought some of them were bullshit but others were genius. Howard said the Nutty Professor was genius. Howard said he was 91 years old and he died on the same day as Dick Gregory and fucked up Dick's death.

    Howard said that Jerry raised 2.5 billion for the research into Muscular Dystrophy. Howard said they never found a cure though. Howard said he'd do that telethon every year. Howard said he must have had a weird relationship with his parents. He said they forced him into show business. Howard said any parents who do that are assholes.

    Howard said in the 1950s Jerry became a big star. He said he and Dean Martin made 16 movies together. Howard said they should remember Jerry. He said he has some clips to play. Howard said Captain Janks called and got through as Larry King. Howard said Jerry was so ragged out about that. Howard played a clip of Jerry getting upset when they found out it wasn't really Larry. Janks asked what he thinks of Howard Stern the radio personality. Jerry said they do this show and it's life and death but you'll always get a schmuck out there.

    Howard had Janks on the phone but he wasn't there. Howard said something is up with their phones. He said he presses down and nothing happens. He said then they pop on minutes later. Howard said he doesn't have Janks. Howard said maybe they were pranked.

    Howard said the other thing was that Jerry's film ''The Day the Clown Died'' was about a clown who entertained the kids before they went into the ovens. Howard said they say there is a copy out there. Howard said he's sure it'll end up on the internet. Howard said he doesn't want to see it. Howard said they say it was one of the most misguided things. He said they say that he'd juggle for the kids to distract them.

    Howard said a lot of women were upset with Jerry because he made some shitty comments about women not being funny. Howard said it's ridiculous. Howard said there are a lot of funny women.

    Howard played a clip of an interview Jerry did where he talked about female comics and what he thinks about them. Jerry said he can't sit and watch a lady diminish her qualities to the lowest common denominators. Howard said that guy was angry. He said he wasn't a stand up comic and he thinks he was upset because he wanted to be witty and he wasn't.

    Robin said listening to that Jerry you can't imagine that he was funny. Howard said that was Jerry at his worst. Howard said this is some obituary.

    Howard had some audio of Jerry going off on his band leader on the telethon. Howard played that and Jerry went off on the guy for not being on cue. He said that he should ask him first when he gets a cue.

    Howard said he doesn't think they ever donated to that charity. He said that it was kind of weird. Robin said what they would do is try to call and get on the air. Howard said they did do that. Howard said it was labor day and they had to work. He said that's why they take off so much time now. Gary said they had the Ramones on one day and they were going to bring Howard but then they told them not to come. Howard said they were going to cut away to the New York telethon and he was going to do it. He said he was going to stand there like one of the Ramones. Howard said word was given that if they showed up with him they weren't going to get on. Howard said he got kicked out. He said he was almost the 27th Ramone. Howard said that would have been so classic. He said he had the look. Howard said he looks like Joey and that's no treat.

    Howard said he has a clip of Jerry getting pissed off at the hotel sponsor because their sign was blocking the view of the tote. Howard played a clip and Jerry said he'd give anything to see the tote but he can't see it because an advertisement was blocking it. Howard said he's so bitter.

    Howard played a clip of Jerry getting upset about not being able to read ''One Republic'' when they were performing. He said he didn't have his glasses on and couldn't read it.

    Howard said Jerry did an interview with the Hollywood Reporter and Jerry was so angry. Howard said this was even more angry than the stuff he just played. Howard said he was being interviewed and this was when he was like 90. Howard said Jerry was aggravated by everything. He said he thought the reporter was a douche and all of that. He said the interview is fantastic if you can find it on the internet. Howard said this just happened in December of last year. Howard played a clip of Jerry answering his questions with very short answers.

    Howard said Jerry hated that kid. He even started making fun of the reporter's laugh. Howard played a clip of that. Jerry mocked his laugh when the guy laughed at something he said.

    Howard said that was great. He said he heard Jerry's dog wore a dog tag and it said ''I love Jerry.'' He said he thinks that's funny and witty. Howard asked Robin if she wants more. Robin said she is enjoying this.

    Howard said he has another clip of Jerry talking to that reporter. In that one Jerry was asked about working with people over the years and if he had anything to share. Jerry said ''Nope.'' He had nothing to share.

    Howard said he can't wait to hit 90. He said he'll probably be like that too. Gary said he was reading about Jerry and they say that his father was a Broadway performer and he'd tell Jerry that he was nothing until he conquered Broadway. Howard said he actually did play on Broadway. Gary said it's always great to have your father tell you that you're nothing.

    Howard asked if Gary was a Jerry Lewis fan. Gary said he wasn't the kind of guy who worshiped him. He said that he was a very bitter guy. Howard said this obituary is going so well.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said he's doing really well with this obituary. Howard said Jerry did raise 2.5 billion for Muscular Dystrophy. Howard said he has his father who recorded a tribute to Jerry. Howard played his father singing ''You'll Never Walk Alone.''

    Howard said they didn't have Autotune back then. He said that was beautiful. Howard said Jerry made a lot of people laugh and he raised a lot of money. Howard said that some of those movies were brilliant too. Robin said one for her. She said it was the Nutty Professor. Robin said she could have left out the rest. Howard said he liked a lot of the Martin and Lewis movies. Robin said she wasn't sure if he was playing a retarded person. Howard said there were some other good ones. Gary said he was great in the King of Comedy. Robin said that wasn't really a Jerry Lewis movie. Howard said he was in it.

    Howard said rest in peace Jerry Lewis. He said he brought a lot of joy to people. Robin said to a lot of French people. Howard said that's right.

    Howard said he's sure that the clown movie will get out now. Howard said Jerry came up with a lot of stuff for movies like videoing it while they were filming. Howard said he did like that he got a note from Jerry. He said unfortunately it was about America's Got Talent. Robin said she remembers Jerry trying to get his attention at a roast once but Howard ran out. Howard said he hated going to the roasts. He said he would rather see them edited on YouTube or on TV. He said he would have liked to have met with Jerry. He said he was a Jerry fan. Robin said he has said he liked Jerry. Howard said he realized he liked him when he got that note from him. He said he likes him so he liked him back.

  • Jeff The Drunk Calls In. 08/21/17. 9:30am
    Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and Robin asked how he outlived Jerry. Howard said that's a good question. Jeff said he got his biopsy back. Howard said he had a growth in his mouth. He said he's betting it was cancer. Jeff said it's benign. Howard said ''Wow!'' he asked how he does it. Howard said he drinks and smokes and has a horrible cough and they never find anything. Jeff said he's going to the doctor to find out if he can fly to L.A. for a movie gig. Howard said no kidding. Howard asked what movie he's in. Jeff said he hasn't seen the script yet. Howard said beggars can't be choosers.

    Jeff said that it's all based on if he can get a permission slip. He said that he has to use oxygen so he has to get approval for that. Howard said Jeff is smoking again. Jeff said he's not. Howard said he heard he is. Howard said Shuli told him. Jeff said fuck Shuli.

    Shuli came in and said that he did a film and this director came out to see Jeff. He said on the way up the director is filming his drive up and Jeff is on audio. Jeff said that he tore up his cigarettes. Howard said he's running out of oxygen talking about this. Shuli said that he saw a still of cigarettes in his ashtray when the guy was there. Jeff said he thinks he has him busted but he didn't do anything and he's going to look like a fool. Howard said that must be his COPD where Jeff runs out of oxygen. Howard said he hopes he goes out to do this film and it's gay porn.

    Howard said he loves that Jeff hasn't read the script yet. Shuli was doing his impression of Jeff. Howard asked how he has no time to read a script. Jeff said they didn't send it to him. Robin asked if he knows who is in the movie. Jeff said no. Howard said this place is a movie star factory. He said he's the only one not making one. Shuli said it's the two of them.

    Shuli said that Jeff tore up the cigarettes that the guy brought to him. Jeff said that's right. Shuli said he's tried to stop smoking too. He knows how tough it is. Jeff said he came home from the hospital and he had cigarettes in the house. He said he had two full packs in the house. He said he smoked as soon as he got home. He said he quit after that. He said he hasn't smoked since.

    Howard had Jeff's Non-Cancerous Mouth Tumor on the phone. He picked up and the tumor was snoring. He said you might want to play his obituary package right now. Howard said he has a question for Jeff. Howard asked why he can't fly if he has oxygen. Jeff said he doesn't know. Howard said he might get on and he won't be able to get oxygen. Jeff said he guesses. Shuli said Eric the Actor had the same issue with oxygen. He didn't even smoke.

    Howard said Jeff is asking for guidance and he's not taking the advice. Howard said Shuli should do his impression like he's on a Speakerphone. Shuli backed off microphone and did the impression. Howard said he should pick up the god damn phone. Jeff was on speaker. Howard said now he doesn't have to yell. Jeff said ''fuck you'' to Shuli. Howard said Jeff must be on Periscope. Jeff said he's not. He said there is no feedback. Howard said he fucked up the one job he has to call into the show.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jeff was smoking last Wednesday on periscope. Jeff said he hasn't smoked in over a week. Shuli said he knows he has quit before. He said he went almost 2 years. Howard said he sounds like he's back on speaker now. Jeff said he's not and cursed Howard out.

    Howard said he thought Jeff was going to hang up but he hung in there. Howard said good for him. He said Jeff has to get permission now to fly. He said that he has to use that oxygen. Howard asked Shuli about having to push people like that around the airport. Jeff said he'll tip anyone who has to push him. He said he'll tip 20 bucks. Shuli said bullshit. Jeff said they don't fucking know him. Shuli said that 5 bucks is a good tip. He said it's fat people and handicapped people who will get pushed around.

    Howard said Jeff has to stop smoking if he wants to live. Jeff is 50 now. Howard said he thought he was going to die when he had that thing on his ass. He said he has that lump on his neck too. Robin said now he can't lie down to sleep.

    Howard asked who is going to die first, Jeff or High Pitch Erik. Shuli said he thinks it might be a photo finish. Howard asked Jeff how he uses the oxygen. Jeff said he has a tube he puts up his nose. Howard asked if he puts them up there himself. Jeff said he does. He said they go in about a quarter of an inch. Howard asked how that works. Jeff said it shoots oxygen out. Howard said he loves this.

    Howard asked Jeff how long he keeps the tube up there. Jeff said it's all night. Howard said he can't be the only one asking him to repeat everything he says. Jeff said bullshit. Howard said there's oxygen all around us and they have to give Jeff more. He said he gets free oxygen plus they're paying for his oxygen. Howard said it's the one thing that's free and we have to pay for it. Howard said he has it right now but Jeff needs more. He said there's more than enough to go around but Jeff needs his own that tax payers are paying for. Howard said he's also getting oxygen from his trailer. Howard asked what an oxygen tank costs. Jeff said he doesn't fucking know. Jeff let out some weird noise. Howard said he heard that.

    Howard said that Jeff doesn't pay for the oxygen. Jeff said that Medicaid pays for it. Howard asked where his tank is right now. Jeff said he has a little tank that he uses. Howard said it's a mini tank. Jeff said he can use that for small trips. Howard said it's like he lives on Mars. Howard goofed on Jeff about that.

    Howard said Jeff is like an astronaut and you'd hear the ''2001 a Space Odyssey'' theme. Howard had Fred play that while they were talking about that. Howard said he should be able to walk around like a person but he has to bring his small tank with him. He said he's walking around like an astronaut. Howard asked how long that tank will last. Jeff said that tank lasts about 2 and a half hours.

    Howard said it's amazing how Jeff has fucked up his life. Fred was playing breathing sounds. He had a Darth Vader sound and others. Howard asked if he can fill his little tank from the big one. Jeff said no. Howard asked how many tanks he has. Jeff said he has 5. Howard said he's like Matt Damon in the movie where he goes to Mars. Robin asked why Jeff doesn't grow plants like that guy did. Howard said they should have Jeff as Darth Curro or Darth Jeff the Drunk. Fred played more of Darth Vader's breathing sound. Howard had Shuli playing Jeff as Darth Jeff. Howard said it would be ''Tar Wars.''

    Jeff said he's going on Twitter. He said he's showing his Oxygen tank. Howard said he doesn't care. He called him Puke Skywalker. Howard said he knows what that tank looks like because he's a tax payer and he paid for it. Howard said this is One Hand Solo. Howard asked when he's going to the doctor. Jeff said 1 o'clock today. He said he's not bringing a tank with him. Howard said that's crazy.

    Howard and Shuli continued to goof on Jeff. Howard called him COPD-3PO. Howard said the guy is tethered constantly. He said he should go to Mars because he knows how to live there already. Howard said he has the air and he knows how to navigate. Howard said meanwhile aliens are going to come down and think he's a fellow alien.

    Howard asked Jeff why he's going without oxygen. He said it seems like he should need it. Howard and Shuli continued to make fun of Jeff. They were goofing on his mumbling and all of that.

    Howard asked how many times a day he grabs the oxygen. Jeff said never. Robin said he just needs it at night. Jeff uses it when he sleeps. Shuli asked if the breathing is tough for him at night. Jeff said he's afraid of dying. He said that's why he uses it.

    Howard said when he sleeps he can't tell if he's alive or not. Howard was trying to talk to Jeff but he called him a fuck face. Howard said he's just trying to have a conversation there. Howard said he has to get going. He let Jeff go and told him to say his prayers at 1.

    Howard said Richard went and bought those eclipse glasses. Howard said they say if you look at the eclipse you will go blind. Howard said that people could go blind. Howard said he's going to go inside and make sure he doesn't look outside. Shuli said there are a lot of people who are paranoid about that stuff.

    Howard said that High Register Sean is worried about it. Howard said he sounds mental. Howard asked if Jeff can be quiet during this. Jeff stayed quiet. Howard said Sean left a message about this. Howard told Richard not to look at the eclipse. Howard said it's the moon blocking the sun. Big fucking deal. Howard said he's going to be on oxygen too.

    Howard said that Richard just had to see the sun. He said that Richard was watching eclipse movies to prepare. Howard said he's not sure how you even know that they work properly. Howard asked who can be so stupid that they have to use them. Howard said that Pizza Hut has special boxes that can be converted. Howard said fuck Pizza Hut. Gary said they say the good ones are about 200 bucks and Richard's are 15 for $5. Howard asked why he'd risk it. Richard said it's worth it.

    Howard asked Richard if he should be working this afternoon. Richard said he will be working until the eclipse. Howard said he guesses he's not essential during the eclipse. Howard did his impression of Richard talking about the eclipse. Howard said the glasses look like clown pieces of shit. Howard said he wouldn't even be outside during that eclipse. Howard said fuck you eclipse. Richard said he saw Haley's comet in 1986 and that was like the coolest thing he ever saw. Richard said some of those glasses are being given away for free. Howard said everything Richard sees is the coolest thing he's ever seen.

    Howard said 3D glasses barely work at the movies so how do you know they're going to work. Howard said he has to be out of his fucking mind. He told Richard to get the fuck out of there. He said living blind is a great idea. He said it's not like it's a once in a lifetime thing. He said stare at your computer screen doing some work instead. Richard said he does that.

    Howard told Richard that he would never look at the eclipse. Richard said he'll look at it for a little bit. Howard said he'll see it on CNN or MSNBC. Robin said one of the local channels is covering the whole thing. Howard said he'll see it get dark out. He said he stared out his window at midnight last night and it looked like an eclipse.

    Jeff was still on the phone and pointed out that they're doing a lot about the eclipse. Howard moved on and played the High Register Sean clip. In the clip Sean told Howard that he has to cancel the show and get out of the city right now. He said it's going to be ''Eclipsealypse.'' He told him that the seismic activity under Yellowstone park has been going up over the past 14 months. He told Howard to get out now. Howard asked what Sean knows. Shuli said he has a shelter full of food and stuff. Howard said he has to take a break. He said they're yelling at him about being behind. Jeff said he'll let Howard know about what's going on. Howard let Jeff go after that and did a live commercial read. They went to break after that.

    MrSkin.com - As Seen on Howard Stern
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  • New Angry Political Guy Phony Phone Call And More. 08/21/17. 10:15am
    After the break Howard came right back and said he has some phony phone call fun. He had a new Angry Political Guy phony phone call. Howard played the call where they had fake Michael Caine call in and go off on Angry Political Guy. Angry Political Guy went off on Caine so they called in again with Richard doing an English accent and getting Angry Political Guy even more pissed off. They had a woman call in with an English accent too. They had Angry Political Guy getting really pissed asking for some real people to call in. He continued to go off on everyone who they had call in.

    Howard had fake Angry Political Guy on the phone so he talked to him a little bit about how they really got him in that call. Fake Angry Political Guy went off on Howard too.

    Howard played a man on the street interview where they asked people to talk about the Charlottesville march but in a baby voice. They had a woman telling the story and saying ''googoo gaga'' during the story. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.

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  • Robin's News. 08/21/17. 10:30am
    After the break Howard came right back and said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a fake OJ Simpson song parody.

    Robin started her news with a story about the eclipse and how she's worried about the people who are going into towns where they can see the total eclipse. Robin had a list of places where it will be ideal to watch. Robin said it's going to be in mid-day so people will be risking their sight. Howard said it'll be a bunch of dummies out there.

    Howard said he's saddened by everything going on with Jerry Lewis and Dick Gregory dying. Howard asked how early man didn't die when there was an eclipse. Robin said some of them must have gone blind. Robin said they probably said it was an angry god who was doing it to them. Howard said early man was very stupid. Howard said that they'll all have to invest in walking canes after this. Robin said people are going to try to photograph the eclipse. Robin had some audio of an expert photographer who had some advice for that. Howard said he saw the ugliest family on the planet taking pictures of themselves in Central Park the other day. He wondered why they'd want to see themselves.

    Robin asked if Howard was on the beach collecting garbage. Howard said he was. He said he does that all the time. Howard said he's proud of that. Howard said the birds eat balloons and stuff. He said that people are assholes with the balloons. He said they should be outlawed. Howard said they end up on the shores and there are millions of them. He said birds suck them in and they get stuck. Howard said he ran into another woman doing it for the first time. Howard said parties are fine without balloons. Robin said she didn't see any out on the beach. Howard said they're all over the place. He said you just have to look. Howard said people are dopey.

    Robin had Howard play the audio of the guy talking about how to take pictures of the eclipse. Robin said don't look in the viewfinder. Robin had a few clips of the guy talking about how to take pictures. Howard said he's not going to see it because he'll be busy working. Howard said these people who are watching are assholes.

    Howard said Jimmy Kimmel had an 8 year old talking about the eclipse and he was just like ''Who cares?'' Robin had more audio of people talking about the eclipse. Howard said we get it. Robin said the partial eclipse light is more damaging than the regular sunlight. Robin said there's going to be a commemorative stamp out with the eclipse. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

    Robin read a story about American Idol coming back. Howard said he can't believe that. Robin said that David Hasselhoff might be one of the judges. Howard asked what the difference is who the judges are. Howard said it's like listening to anyone on America's Got Talent about your talent. Howard said maybe David has matured. Howard said Jerry Lewis told him he was the best judge on America's Got Talent. He said he'll hold on to that note forever. Robin asked why not.

    Robin said President Trump and Melania won't be going to the Kennedy Center Honors. Howard said of course not. He said that the President is a guest. Howard said he doesn't have to go. Howard said a bunch of people said they weren't going to go because Trump might be there. Howard said they actually asked him not to show up or they wouldn't have a show. Howard said one year Clinton didn't go. He said Jimmy Carter missed it once too. Howard said Trump has to resign. He said he loves being around celebrities. He said if they find out shit in the Russia investigation he's fucked. Howard said Trump has identified these Neo-Nazis as nice people and they're saying that he's not such a great guy for letting ''that Jew fuck his daughter.'' Howard said he'd like Trump to get back to rating women on the show. Robin said he might have to do that to improve his image.

    Howard had Little Mikey on the phone. Mikey asked if he can see Robin's tits before he goes blind from looking at the sun. Howard thanked him for that and said that he essentially called in to say he wants to see her tits.

    Howard had some audio of this Neo-Nazi guy talking about Jared Kushner. Howard said that he actually stuck up for these guys. Howard said it's messed up when they go after Trump for that.

    Robin read a story about Richard Simmons and he mentioned Howard Stern in this story. Robin said he is not transitioning according to this statement. Howard said it sounds like a totally made up story. Robin asked if he would take this seriously and sue them. Robin said he's upset about the claims that people are making about him. Howard said he says he's all man and he's said he likes ''tasty, tasty pussy.'' Howard said he's all man.

    Robin said that Governor Christie has decided not to do a radio show. Robin said he says that he was offered more opportunities but the turned them down. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

    Robin read about Jerry Lewis dying. Robin had some audio from a film called ''My Friend Irma'' that was Jerry's first movie with Dean Martin. Robin said she just never got into that. Robin asked if he's supposed to be retarded. Howard said that was the theory being the telethon because he felt bad about the kids with Muscular Dystrophy. Robin said there was some secret about why he chose to do it. Robin said that was a secret he never revealed. Howard said he played an imbecile in the movies. Robin read more about Lewis and had more clips for Howard to play. Robin read about how he never watched his last film with Dean Martin. Robin said it was too painful for him. Howard said he didn't see that one either. Robin said he seems to be a fan who didn't see his movies. Howard said he saw a few. Howard said the guy brought joy to people. Robin had some audio of Penn Jillette talking about Jerry's death.

    Robin read a story about how the secret service is out of money because of all of the travel Trump has been doing. Howard said he heard about how they had to pay rent at Trump tower and they left because they didn't get a deal. Robin said they say that over 1,000 agents have hit their cap already. Robin said he may have to be confined to the White House. Robin said he ended his 17 days off and went to Camp David after that.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been talking about this balloon thing forever. He said people just don't think about where they go. He said those people are idiots.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said he sounds kind of down today. Howard said he's exhausted from doing the show. Howard said they spent a lot of time with Ronnie and moved into a lot of topics. He said it's very draining. Howard said this show is going into the hall of fame. Howard said he's not down, he sounds terrific.

    Howard said he went to see his parents since they won't come to see him. He said his dad can't hear a fucking thing now. He said that he tries to talk to his dad. He said he isn't eating enough. He said he was like 153 pounds. He said he's not eating enough. Howard said his dad told him to get on the scale to show that it's working. Howard said he's at 190 so he got on and showed him. He said his dad says he's eating plenty. He did an impression of his parents talking to him about what they eat. Howard had his dad talking about eating soup and sandwich. Howard said he has a cookie too. Howard said it's a lot of lunch. Howard said he's losing weight though. Howard said they go to dinner at 4:30. He said that they should eat at 6. Howard said they said they have their routine so they keep it up. Howard said they don't want to eat an hour later. He said they go to bed at like 8. He said he convinced his dad to have wine with dinner every night. He said that will stimulate his appetite. Howard said he may do that. Robin said they'll have to see how that works.

    Howard said he wishes that would happen to him. He said his belly is so disgusting. Howard said his father can't have one. He said he probably has titties. Howard said Beth keeps telling him to get a new bathing suit. He said she doesn't have one ounce of fat on her. He said that she claims he's too thin for his bathing suit. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he thinks he's wearing one that's made for a guy with muscles.

    Robin got back to her news and read about 10 sailors being missing after a Navy shit collided with an oil tanker. Robin said they are looking for the missing sailors. Howard said he hates hearing stories like that. He did a live commercial read after that.

    Robin read a story about some other mishaps at sea. Robin said that she saw a story about how the military aircraft may be getting too old. Robin said they have had some problems too. Robin said they have to look into that equipment.

    Robin read about how Steve Bannon has been let go from the White House. Robin said he had a big role in the campaign and took credit for a lot of that. Howard said he looked like he had a lot of sun damage to his face. Robin said his face was a mess. She said she's not sure what was going on there. Howard said Sal should talk to him about using cover up. Howard said that guy was a good looking guy when he was younger. He said now he's a mess. Howard asked what they call that. Robin said it might be Rosacia. Howard said he's glad he doesn't have that. He said he's got enough going on with his face. Robin said that they had arranged that a while ago. Robin said General Kelly apparently said it was time for him to go. Howard said he thinks Steve used to do a show there on Sirius. Robin said they say he might use this to launch his own service. Howard said he's never been on that Breitbart site. Robin said they say it's the outlet for the Alt-Right. Howard said Bannon is coming back to work with Madison on Lithium. He said he's going into Alt music instead of Alt-Right politics.

    Robin read a story about a female Senator who said she wanted to see Trump assassinated. Robin said she had to issue an apology. Robin had the audio of her making that apology.

    Howard took a call from a guy who asked what happens to Superman during an eclipse. Howard said nothing. He said he's just fine during an eclipse. Howard said he can look at the sun during the eclipse because his eyes are impervious to the rays from the sun.

    Robin read a story about a guy from homeland security who says that everyone in Trump's administration should stay there. Robin said they say they have to right the ship instead of abandoning ship. This guy was also saying that they have to keep things in democratic hands.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in Charlotte and he needs him to be his agent. He said he interned for them back in the 90s. He said he's been asked to do free stuff for this radio station he's working for. He said he's not sure what to do. Howard asked if he's number 1. The caller said they just hit number 1 at their station. Howard said when he started out he did everything free. He said he learned from doing that. He said he hated doing the appearances but he loved having a job. Howard said he told management he'd be better working on his show instead of spending hours shaking hands. Howard said as he got bigger and bigger he had some clout to put a stop to them. Howard said he didn't get paid doing those things. Howard said it was part of his salary.

    The caller said he has to do an eclipse party today. He said his old man is asking why he's doing it for free. The caller said he gets a fee for doing live commercials. He said it's about $100 a week. Howard said that he's still on the rise and he has to do what they ask him to do. Howard said he has to go. He let the caller, Steve, go. Howard said you have to do what your bosses ask you to do. He said he should call Kidd Chris. Howard said he's actually way ahead of this guy. He said he should call Schmendrick in the morning. He said Kidd Chris does it all. He said he's super motivated.

    Howard said when you're in a market that's small they have to promise the sponsors the moon and the stars. He said if you're resentful then don't be in radio. Howard said that's how the radio career works. Howard said don't even ask what Robin had to do.

    Robin said that they found the suspect in the Barcelona attack.

    Robin read a story about how Jerry Fallwell Jr. was out talking about the President and how he's doing fine with the Charlottesville incident. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said imagine that Jerry Fallwell Jr. is around. Howard said there's a lot of money in that religion thing. Robin and Howard talked about people who follow in their father's footsteps and go into their business. Howard said his dad didn't want him in his business.

    Robin read a story about the number 1 movie at the box office being ''The Hitman's Bodyguard.'' Howard said that sounds like something he'd like. Robin said it's a comedy. Howard said he wants it to be serious. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.


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