- Unnamed Vacation Special. 08/20/14. 6:00am
Howard is taking off Wednesdays this summer since he's working late Tuesday nights on America's Got Talent. They're playing the usual unnamed vacation specials on Wednesday mornings. Here's what they played today:
- Robin's Party - May 8, 2006. 08/20/14. 6:00am
First up today they played a segment where they talked about a party at Robin's house. Here's my rundown from that day:
Robin's Party Discussed. 05/08/06. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: ''Ed Wood'' movie clip song parody remixes, Educational movie about wet dreams audio clip, Gary the Retard calls Gary the Retard prank call, Jack Meyhoffer song parody.
Howard started off the morning talking about Robin's party that happened on Saturday afternoon. He said that a lot of people from Howard 100 and 101 were there. Robin thanked Howard for a phone call he made to her over the weekend. Howard said he had a good time down there but it was a long drive out there to her house. He said he wished that he could have stayed over and figured that's what Ralph did. Robin said he didn't stay over though.
Howard said that Robin was wearing a nice outfit that really impressed him. He said it appeared that she wasn't wearing anything under this dress she was wearing. Artie said he could see her slip and it was cut right up to her private parts. She had nothing to be ashamed of according to Howard and Artie.
Robin took Howard out on her boat during the party so Howard asked who was there with them. Gary came in and said that they had a staff of boating people there at the party. He talked about the captain and the other guys who were helping Robin out with her water sports stuff.
Gary was out with his kids messing around on this jet ski boat and he wasn't able to get back that quick. Gary said they were out on this boat and they have to help others follow out the jet ski that Ralph wanted to ride. They had to leave the dock area at about 2 miles per hour. Then they had to go out and get gas so that was a long trip to the place where they had to get gas. Gary claims he was having a great time with his kids but Howard thought that it wasn't what he was looking for. Gary said he wanted to go out for about 20 minutes but it lasted over an hour.
Gary said that Ralph was having fun on the jet ski and one of his kids mistook him for Howard. Howard said a lot of people have been making that mistake lately. Howard wasn't aware of when Ralph started to look like him. The guys told him it's happened recently and if you take a quick look at him, he does look like Howard. Howard said he didn't used to look like him in the past.
Gary said that someone saw Ralph standing on the side of the Garden State Parkway taking a leak and there's no telling who thought it was actually Howard taking a leak. Howard said he read on SternFanNetwork that there was a guy who knew where Robin lived and he was going to video tape the event. Howard saw the guy there and also saw that the cops came and arrested him.
Artie said there was a band that showed up on a flatbed truck and played out near Robin's place. He said they actually sounded good. He said he had to go ask the guys to leave because he didn't want anyone thinking he had anything to do with it. The band knew the cops and that's how they got in according to what they heard.
All of the guys said they had a great time out there at Robin's party. Howard said that Ralph was out for a couple of hours on the jet ski. Robin said he acted as if he did her a favor when he came back in and told her that he had broken it in for her.
Howard asked Robin why she's got a jet ski because she can't even swim. Robin doesn't seem to think that's a big deal. She wears a life jacket so she doesn't really have to swim. She was able to drive her boat though. Artie threw in a plug for the band that played for him out there... Shorty Long. Howard told him to stop with that, he doesn't have to plug them, they didn't do anything for him. Artie said they did give him a t-shirt though.
Howard said that Gary was double dipping cookies in the chocolate fondue that they had at the party. Gary said that wasn't true and it was just Sal telling stories. That led to Gary telling a story about Sal bugging him about hearing that Howard was looking for him to take him out on the boat but took Richard instead. Howard said that he was going to go out on the boat with Robin so he hopped on with a few people he knew and a couple that he didn't know. Robin told him that they were good friends of hers. The kids looked miserable according to Howard.
Howard said he was buzzed out of his mind when he got on the boat. He saw Richard out there so he invited him to get on. Then all of these other people who weren't interested in getting on wanted to get on all of a sudden. It was like a party boat once Howard got on. Robin said that she had to ask people to get off because she had so many on there. Then Sal heard about Richard getting on and that threw him into a frenzy according to Gary.
Sal was blaming Shuli for not getting on the boat. He went out for a smoke with Shuli and that's when Howard went out on the boat. Sal said that Dominic Barbara told him that Howard was on his way out so he ran back into the party and saw that the boat was gone. Howard said that he and Richard had a great conversation out on the boat too. Sal said he saw Richard give Howard a kiss on his cheek as they were pulling back in.
Richard said he fell in love with Robin again at the party. Robin said that he was proposing to her out on the boat. He was hoping that their boat would get stranded on an island and she'd eventually fall in love with him. Howard said he loved to see that Steve Langford was so pussy whipped at the party. He was there with his wife and kids.
Howard also mentioned that they had a really nice port-a-potty there that was like a real bathroom. He said there was a urinal and a toilet there. He went in because there was no lock on the door and he heard a little voice coming out of the stall. It was Gary's kid Lucas who asked him not to look at him. Howard told him he was just going to take a piss and he'd make sure no one would look at him. He figured the kid had to take a dump and he just wanted some privacy.
Sal said that he had to take a shit at the party and left a dump so big that he had to flush 4 times. Sal said there was no water in there so it looked like a tropical island in the toilet. Howard said he went in there toward the end and didn't want to go in there because it looked like there was about 20 floating turds in there. He said that it could have been a little better if it had flowing water in it. The guys talked about the decor in the port-a-san toilets. They were pretty impressive according to the guys. Sal said there was actually crown molding in them.
Howard asked Robin if the place is expensive down there. She said it depends on where you live but they can be in the millions. Artie said there was an open house nearby that had an elevator in it. He said it was 4 mill. The guys figured that Robin paid more for hers. She said that she's got an elevator shaft in it just in case she ever wants to add an elevator. Gary said that he went to the Perfect 10 house out in California and the elevator there only goes up one level and it goes really slow.
Artie said he was up in Robin's master bedroom with an unlit cigar in his mouth. He told the guys he was with ''Clear the room, I gotta take a shit.'' Richard said he was thinking about which rooms Robin had sex in as they were getting the tour of the house.
JD The Angry Drunk. 05/08/06. 6:25am
Artie said that JD pounded down 4 Jack Daniels while they were out in the sun and that was a bad idea. He got all pissed off and ornery according to Artie. Sal said the same thing and explained how he was turning down the tour offer. He also spilled a drink on Robin's boat and made a mess. JD said that he and Will cleaned that up.
Sal said that when JD gets drunk his lower lip opens up and spit comes out. He was also wobbling while he was out on the boat. Ronnie came in and said that JD spilled his drink on him and was really nasty while he was drinking. JD said it was just a little bit that he spilled on Ronnie but Ronnie said it was his whole drink that he spilled.
The guys were talking about JD eating food from the kids table but there were others eating from there according to Robin. Sal said that JD was eating some ribs and ended up slamming them down saying that they sucked. JD said that they could have been better.
Artie And Dana's Relationship Over? 05/08/06. 6:35am
Artie said he ate a ton of food and had about 8 or 9 ribs, about 5 hot dogs, 2 pieces of grilled chicken, a little salad and some cookies. Howard said he was wondering where Dana was and Artie was giving everyone a rundown of what's going on there. He said he got a half hour explanation from him and he still doesn't understand it. Artie said that it's really difficult to talk about that. Howard said that Artie doesn't look people in the eye when he talks to them. Artie said he's that way with everyone. He's pretty sure that he can't repair the relationship with Dana and there is nothing there right now.
Howard said that he figures that Artie isn't into Dana that much. Artie said he really is though. Robin asked when they last saw each other. Artie said it's actually been a couple of months. He thought that she was going to show up at Robin's party but he wasn't able to make that happen.
Artie said he wrote a letter to Dana, that was about 5 pages long, and told her that he was willing to give it another shot. He told her not to respond to him if she didn't want to keep it going. She hasn't responded to him in about a week and a half so that's where they stand right now.
Howard said he doesn't understand this whole thing. Dana wants Artie to go see a psychiatrist but Artie won't go. He understands why Dana wants him to go because they may get married and have kids if they do stay together. Artie said she's not looking for someone who will throw money at the situation which his what he would probably do to take care of problems.
Howard said that Artie always sees the disastrous part of his life and he can never get to the bottom of Artie's issues. Artie said he thinks that therapy is a huge scam and he can't bring himself to actually go. He said he knows that it's his old man talking when he thinks that the therapy is a scam but he still can't get past that. He may be scared of taking on the commitment of a relationship too. Robin and Howard told Artie he should just go and maybe that would get his girl back.
Artie said that he just has to get the balls to call the therapist and go. He's heard from some people who have gone to therapy after putting it off and it's really helped them. Howard is one of them. Howard told Artie that he had his therapists name on his desk for 5 years before he called the guy. Artie said he's had this name for almost two years now. Howard said that waiting 5 years probably saved him $200,000 now that he thinks about it.
Robin said she thought that Artie was being very lighthearted at the party and she wasn't sure if she should bring that up there or not. She decided to wait until this morning to bring it up. Artie said he didn't want to lay that whole story on Howard at the party either but Howard didn't mine. Artie had a good time there at the party talking to Howard. Howard said the conversation was great except for Artie turning his head and not looking at him.
Howard asked Artie if he knows if Dana is seeing any other guys. He hasn't heard anything but he's thinking that maybe she is seeing someone. He figures it's pretty easy for her to go out and get laid if she wants to. Artie said that he and Dana went to Howard's birthday party back in January and had sex last in February. That was it and it's kind of been over for a while now. He's been to dinner a few times since then but that's it. He said Dana actually wouldn't have him up to her apartment the last time he dropped her off. He said he was really pissed and thought that maybe her new boyfriend was up there waiting for her.
Artie said that Dana is a wonderful person and he wishes her the best even if things are over. He said it's really sad and he's not in good shape. Artie said he is down now and it's not good. He was a bit hoarse this morning from partying all weekend. He got home last night, watched The Sopranos and then made some noise on his electric guitar. He knows he's just making noise with it though. He doesn't even plug it in. Howard told him to get back into life and take a guitar lesson so he can learn to play that thing.
Artie said he did some stand-up recently and he's got a lot of new material about girlfriends and relationship stuff. Howard asked Artie if he misses the regular poon tang. Artie said ''who wouldn't?'' and also said that he's been doing a lot of ''whack it sessions.''
Howard said that Artie is a mess right now. Artie said there was a scene in the Film Festival montage where a guy was playing him as a homeless guy with needles and coke around him. As he wakes up he says ''Dana, is that you Dana?'' He thought that was kind of funny.
Artie will be going out on tour soon and he's not sure what might happen out there because a lot of hot chicks show up to those shows. Howard asked Artie if he's going to be able to handle the roast they're going to do for him. Artie said he can handle it but he'll be writing material for everyone who roasts him as well. He said it will be a very entertaining roast. Howard has an idea for the Artie Roast but it's kind of mean. He wouldn't say what it was though.
Howard said that Artie is in a bad place right now. That led to Artie talking about last night's episode of The Sopranos because the chick who is playing Christopher's wife, Cara Buono, is the chick who plays his girlfriend in ''Beer League.'' He said that they were doing things in that episode where it looked like something that he and Dana would have been doing. Artie was also saying that she called him recently and asked to come over and see ''Beer League.'' Howard told him he should have her over and see what he can do.
Artie said that they've moved the premiere of ''Beer League'' to September 13th because they can get their trailer in with ''Jackass 2'' so they want to move it back. Now the premiere will be happening on the 13th and the movie opens wide on the 15th of September.
Artie said he's got to call Cara but there is nothing romantic going on there. Howard told him he's got to make that happen. Artie said she did give him a little tongue in their kissing scene in ''Beer League.'' Gary brought in a picture of Cara nude but the picture was 14 years old. Artie said he thinks she has bigger breasts now though.
Artie was saying that another big issue with Dana is the dog. She used to come over to his place every weekend until she got the dog. That was causing problems there and he really doesn't want a dog. Howard said that can be a major issue if he doesn't want the dog. Artie said that she used to tell him that he would have to take her home to take the dog on a walk and he would be really lazy after dropping a load.
Howard asked Artie if he would have a problem with Carmen Electra if she was dating him and she had a dog. Artie said he would have a problem with any chick if she had a dog. He said he doesn't want hair in the room where he eats and watches a game. He was willing to have a house built where they could have the dog live but Howard told him that doesn't work because people want to live with their dogs.
Howard and Fred spent some time talking at Robin's party but Howard said that Fred is like Father of the Year spending so much time with his daughter. He said that his daughter is very cute but also very precocious, just like Fred. Howard heard that Fred's wife was showing pictures of everyone who was going to be at the party and when she showed her the picture of Beth, the kid said she looked like Cinderella.
Artie said he wanted to go down to Atlantic City with his friend but his wife wouldn't let him go. He said that's another issue with marriage. Howard said that a real man would just laugh and leave. Artie said one of the last conversations he had with Dana was about going to the shrink. He said he told her that there's not a chick on this planet who can make him go to a shrink. He said that no fuckin' broad is going to go make him cry at a shrink. Howard told him that's why he was alone at Robin's party this weekend. He and Fred goofed on him a little bit.
Artie was saying that things have been over for about a month and he's been lying to everyone about that. He said that they both agreed that they're officially over now and he's back on the market. Howard said he's found the perfect woman for Artie and put her on the phone. It was Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Artie should move on and not worry about that relationship. She said that life is too short and he should go out and have some fun.
Artie asked that Dana not give them a copy of the letter he sent to her. He said it's a corny letter that every guy has written in his life. Howard told Artie that for every Jennifer Aniston out there, there's an Angelina Jolie waiting.
Fred played a sad song for Artie but it wasn't doing anything for him. Artie said there might be one song that would make him well up if they played it but he wasn't going to say what it was. Fred played a Molly Hatchet song for him but that wasn't the song. Howard said that maybe it's Desperado. Artie said that's a close second on the list but that's not the song. He said that he and Dana went to see The Eagles and it was a good time for them. Artie then said that the actual song that might make him well up is Bruce Springsteen's ''Thunder Road.''
Fred played the song and Howard tried to get Artie to think about Dana to get him to cry. Artie said he remembers the first time he and Dana went out and the first game he went to with her. Howard also had him thinking about the time he made Dana get out of his car to get him cigarettes and she almost walked home over the George Washington Bridge. Howard reminded him of the first time he got dog hair in his mouth while eating.
Howard had Sal on the phone playing a porn clip of a woman asking for a guy to fill her with his load. It was supposed to be Dana calling in. Sal got on and told Artie to shut up and eat a Pop-Tart. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
- Howard Stirs It Up - July 25, 2002. 08/20/14. 7:25am
Next on today's unnamed vacation special they played a segment where Howard ''stirred it up'' by playing a new Bruce Springsteen song before it was officially released. Here's my rundown from that day:
Various Stuff. 7/25/02. 6:05am
Howard was admiring his own deep voice first thing. He made some odd noises before talking about what was coming up on today's show. He mentioned Geraldo Rivera and how they love to talk to the guy even though he's nuts. He also mentioned that they'd be playing a new game called ''Name That Cancer.'' Evil David Letterman will be on the show tomorrow.
Howard said that Gary came in before the show and asked him if he wanted to ''be controversial like he was back in the old days.'' Gary said that's not exactly what he said though. He said he asked if Howard wanted to ''stir it up'' a little with something on the show today. He said he'd explain it to him off the air because it was dumb and boring to talk about on the air.
Howard and Fred continued to goof on Gary about his statement even after he moved on taking phone calls. One guy saw the E! show last night and said that Catherine Bell had a hair lip. Howard said other than that she was hot. He said she was kind of big too though.
Another caller brought up last night's ''America Idol'' which Howard hadn't seen yet. He and Robin spent some time discussing the show and how bad Paula Abdul is on it. She tries to defend the awful singers on the show and Howard seems to hate that. He played a clip of her defending one person's horrible performance. Howard also talked about the fat guy on the show who just repeats the performer's names 3 times and gives his opinion.
Howard said he didn't want to start watching NBC's new show ''Meet the Parents'' but he got sucked into it. He said it's another winner. He said they have 3 guys who want to date a girl and they compete against the others to win a date with this girl. The winner gets to take the girl to Hawaii for a week and bang her according to Howard. Howard said the father of this girl was a gym teacher but they lived in a beautiful house. Howard said Beth thinks that they must have set the guy up in a nice house for the show or something.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he watches MTV's ''Sorority Life.'' Howard said he saw it but doesn't like it because it's boring. Gary said girls who are that consumed with the ''sorority life'' are a little disturbing anyway.
A caller told Howard he saw Mary McCormack (Howard's movie wife) on Craig Kilborn's show last night talking about how she puts Howard on TiVo so she can watch him when she wants to. That led to Howard talking about how great Mary's natural breasts were. He was soon talking about his mother's breasts and how he once saw them when she walked out into the hall naked when he was a kid. Howard said they were huge. Artie said his mother's breasts were big too and he got an eyeful one time when she wiped tears from her eyes with her t-shirt. He said he ran to his room after seeing that.
Howard ended up talking about something completely different a minute later. He talked about a Veterinarian researcher who was going to do some AIDS testing by using 6 cats because they have a similar type of AIDS as humans do. When PETA found out they started hassling the guy and he eventually gave up on the research. Howard said if he had AIDS he'd be pissed that these PETA people are stopping research on something that needs animals to be used in the testing process.
During a commercial break Howard was talking about wheat beer. When he came back he spent a little time talking about that. He said it's like these people who smoke clove cigarettes. There's plenty of good, commercial beers out there but some people have to try these other wacky things. Howard eventually asked Gary to get him some of this wheat beer so he can try it himself.
Stuttering John came in to talk about the new ''Austin Powers: Goldmember'' movie premiere. He went to see it and said there weren't really any celebrities at the premiere. Seth Green was the only one there according to John. He said the movie was really good though. Howard was hoping that it would be bad for some reason.
John mentioned that Britney Spears has a cameo in the movie and she looks really hot. Howard ended up talking about Britney's restaurant which is called Nyla. He's heard that the place is just mediocre but a lot of hot chicks hang out there.
Howard had John get back to the Austin Powers thing. John said he thinks this one will be huge and will probably break all kinds of records.
- Cum Paste Guy - July 25, 2006. 08/20/14. 7:50am
Next on today's unnamed special they played a segment where Howard goofed on a guy about his lame ''cum paste'' bit. Here's my rundown from that day:
Listener Submissions, Good And Bad... Mostly Bad. 07/25/06. 9:45am
Gary came in and told Howard that they heard from Carmen Electra's publicist that she's upset about the story about her going out with Jamie Foxx because it's just not true. She wasn't even out over the weekend according to her publicist. Howard said he's angry with the story too because he doesn't want her to be out with Jamie Foxx. Howard told Gary to get Carmen on the phone because he wants to hear it from her.
Howard said they get a lot of wacky songs from fans so he played a few of them. Richard came in and said they actually get some good songs too. Howard played two bad ones and then a good one (according to Richard). That band's song was sent in by one of the guy's aunts. Howard thought it was a lot to take but it was pretty good. He said he's not sure he'd buy that song but he doesn't really buy any songs.
Howard played one commercial parody about a ''cum paste'' that went on for 2 minutes and 30 seconds. He didn't know where they were going with the bit and it was just way too much stuff in it. He said a mad man must have written that bit. He continued to play it just to find out what they did for the rest of the 2 minutes and 11 seconds that he hadn't heard. Howard said they should call the guy and tell him he's a genius as a joke of course.
Sal came in and said that the Cum Paste bit was the best out of 20 tracks the guy had on his CD. Howard told Sal to get a phone number for the guy so he could call him. Sal just stood there not doing anything so Howard had to tell him to get the number again.
There was still a minute left on the awful bit. Artie said that the bit was actually making him angry because it was way too long and it was wasting his time. The chick in the commercial kept saying ''sperms'' too which was pissing Robin off. Every time it sounded like the commercial was over, it had more time on it. There were 23 seconds left so Howard finished it up. He said he was going to just replay that bit over and over again during the replays of the show just to piss the audience off.
Richard told Howard there were some other good things on his list. There was a song from Crotch Duster that he liked. Howard played that and a few other things. There was a rap song that sounded okay to him. He said it didn't sound any different than the songs they play on the Top 5 list. Richard had Howard play a bunch of other ones that he thought were okay.
Jerking Greg Around About His Lame 'Cum Paste' Bit. 07/25/06. 9:55am
Sal told Howard that Will had the guy who did that awful Cum Paste commercial on the phone. He was all shaky and nervous because he had trouble finding the CD and the guy's information. He said some very creepy things about how he knows Howard can be hard on him and he wished that he could be hard on him more. Howard kicked him out and got this guy Greg on the phone.
Howard told Greg that he did a great job on the commercial he sent in and made him feel like he had done the greatest bit ever. The guy said he does all kinds of erotic stuff and writes a ton of things. He asked Greg why he made the commercial go for over 2 and a half minutes. He said he's made some of them over 3 minutes long.
Greg had no idea that Howard had been ripping on him because he was on vacation in Palm Springs. The guy said he's been a roofer for 13 years and he does this stuff on the side. Howard asked him what kind of money it would take to get him to work there. He told him to keep his wife out of it because he was sitting right next to her. Howard asked Greg what it would take to get him there. Greg said he's just getting into this stuff and he's not sure. Artie broke in and told the guy he should get an agent before making a deal.
Howard asked Greg what he would charge him for the exclusive rights to the Cum Paste bit. Greg didn't know. Tim Sabean came in and asked what they need to get this guy on the show. Greg said this is crazy and it's right on the spot so he's not sure. Artie told him to make sure he retains the rights to the bits.
Howard and Tim asked him once again what kind of money he wants but Greg wasn't able to come up with a number. He said he would need a couple hundred thousand a year, maybe $250,000 a year. Howard told Tim this might be a good deal and said that he might sign him for $250,000 a year for five years.
Greg said that they need to get together to discuss business. Howard told Greg he didn't want to have a meeting and he would give him $300,000 but they would retain the rights to the bits. Greg said he had to talk to his wife quickly. He spoke to her and we could hear her talking about his Volume 1, 2 and 3.
Artie told Greg that for $310,000 a year they want him to roof Fred's house. Another guy called in and offered Greg $500,000 after telling him that his Cum Paste bit was genius. It was just Sal calling in from the office. Doug Goodstein came in and said that they could give him an additional $200,000 to turn his bits into TV shows. That would bring his salary up to $500,000 there at SIRIUS.
Howard asked Greg about the Cum Paste bit and why the woman is moaning as she's brushing her teeth. Greg explained the bit to him and said his idols are Dice Clay and George Carlin. Robin told Greg that they almost mistook his bit for one of Sal and Richard's. Greg said he's got enough material for about 10 or 15 CDs. Howard asked him if they're all as good as Cum Paste. Greg said that they're all great.
Howard broke the news to Greg that his bit is one of the worst things he's ever heard and that they were jerking him around. Riley Martin called in and said that he never heard from Tim Sabean yesterday when he was supposed to. He said that Tim must be as shady as the rest of the motherfuckers there. Howard asked Tim what was going on there. Tim said they got backed up and they will call Riley today.
Howard said he heard that Riley had asked for $5 million to do his show. Riley said that wouldn't even buy toilet paper for Howard. He's ready to go to full time now.
Howard told Greg that they were just dicking around with him and he'd better stay in the roofing business. He told him he knows he's trying but it's just not working. He told him that the bit wasn't funny and it just went on and on and on. Greg tried to defend the bit saying it was hilarious but Howard said it was awful and he should just give it up now. Greg told Howard to listen to some of the other bits before he decides. Artie told Greg that what they just did was funny, his bit was not.
Greg suggested that they listen to some of his other bits before deciding about the whole CD. Howard saw some of the tracks like ''Pussy Eating Machine'' and ''Cum Gum'' so Greg suggested the ''Pussy Eating Machine'' bit to listen to. Howard found the track and tried to play it but the CD wouldn't play in his machine. He tried another bit called ''One Eyed Jack.'' Artie was laughing at the bit but he wasn't laughing at how funny it was, he was laughing at how bad it was. Howard was 30 seconds into the bit and said they didn't know what the hell he was talking about. He did correct himself and said that the Cum Paste bit wasn't the worst he's heard, this ''One Eyed Jack'' bit was the worst.
Howard asked Greg what it would cost them to get every copy of this CD destroyed. Greg wasn't so happy at this point. Howard found another clip called ''You Got Fucked at the Drive-Thru.'' That one was horrible as well. Howard asked him how all of his bits could have nothing funny in them. Greg said that maybe Howard just doesn't laugh at things that are funny. Artie told Greg that he should keep going through life like this because he'll always be happy that way.
Greg put his wife Victoria on the phone so Howard told her how horrible the whole CD was. She said they've sent it to other places as well and they have more bits on a full CD instead of the demo disc that they have. She said she would overnight them a copy of the full CD if he wanted. Howard played another bit called ''Spermaholic'' after she told him it got a great response at this event they went to. The bit was going nowhere so Howard cut it off. Fred told him that it was just getting good so he got back to it.
Howard asked Victoria if she actually saw people laughing at this stuff. She said people were laughing right at the start. She claims that girls were into the CD and bought the CD at this event they were at. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks this is the biggest piece of horse shit he's ever heard. Victoria said that they think this CD is great and it doesn't matter if people don't like it. She didn't like that they called them to goof on them. She said if they didn't like the CD they didn't have to call them and goof on them. Howard told Victoria he had to get going so she got off the phone very quickly after thanking him for that.
- P. Diddy - May 17, 2002. 08/20/14. 8:30am
Next on today's special they played a Sean P. Diddy Combs interview segment. Here's my rundown from that day:
More Sgt. Hartman Prank Calls. 5/17/02. 7:40am
Howard played some more of these celebrity prank calls that he's been playing lately. This one guy Bob uses the voice of Sgt. Hartman from the movie ''Full Metal Jacket'' and does some great prank calls. Howard had 4 new calls that he played which were great. He said you can listen to the clips at CampChaos.com
Sean ''P. Diddy'' Combs Comes In. 5/17/02. 7:50am
Rapper Sean ''P. Diddy'' Combs came in to promote his new album ''We Invented the Remix'' which is out today. Howard started off the interview playing his favorite P. Diddy song where they sing the spelling of ''P. Diddy.'' He soon moved on to talk to Sean about the chicks he bangs and how he will actually call a modeling agency to hook up with a model he sees in a magazine. Howard also read an article in a tabloid magazine about how Naomi Campbell claimed that Sean wasn't good in bed. He went over that with Sean for a short time.
Howard told Sean that he wears his SeanJean clothing all the time and really likes his stuff. Sean, barely talking above a whisper, thanked Howard for that.
Howard spent a short time asking Sean about his feud with Suge Knight. Suge was on the show a while back badmouthing P. Diddy so Howard replayed the tape and wanted Sean to comment on it. Sean said he's got no problem with Suge and he doesn't know what Suge's problem is with him. He mumbled about the situation but didn't seem to want to talk about it much.
Howard spent some time talking about his recording session with this guy Pharrell yesterday. Howard hooked up with the guy and wanted to make a hit song with him. Howard said he was embarrassed while he did the recording session because everyone was expecting something from him. Howard said the whole thing was really weird. Pharrell had a bodyguard with him and all the guy did was stare at Howard. Howard said he had to ask him not to stare at him. Howard said both of the guys are big fans of Howard. Pharrell apparently forgot to bring the music track he created so they had to use something else. Howard said they then had him try and rap. Howard had tape of the recording session and it was really embarrassing. He had no music track to rap to. Pharrell just had Howard yelling like an angry rap star. Howard said he did that for 9 minutes and that was that. He said Pharrell told him he did great and left. Gary told more of the story. He said they had Howard sing a little bit after Pharrell left. Gary took the tape over to Pharrell's office after the recording session and let the guy hear it. He said the look on his face was really great because Howard's singing is so bad.
Howard played the new single ''I Need a Girl'' from P. Diddy's album and plugged it a little bit. Howard then wrapped up the interview.
- Jackie Reads Robin's Book - April 13, 1995. 08/20/14. 9:15am
Next up today they played a segment when Jackie Martling read some of Robin's book. Here's my rundown from an Impressions Week replay:
Impressions Week: Jackie Reading Robin's Book - April 13, 1995. 09/06/12. 6:30am
Next on Impressions Week they played a segment from 1995 when Jackie read a bit of Robin's book.
In the clip Howard talked about how Jackie had been reading Robin's book to him in the car on the way to a movie. Howard said Jackie thought he was going to split his side laughing but it wasn't that hard. Jackie said it was too that hard.
Howard had Jackie read some of Robin's book ''Quivers: A Life.'' He read from Chapter 6 ''The Two James.'' Jackie went into his Robin impression and read a bit of the chapter in that voice. Howard was cracking up as Jackie did his thing. Jackie was going way over the top with the impression. Robin asked if he was adding words to the reading. Jackie said he was reading it word for word. He had Robin cracking up at the impression too.
Howard said Robin likes her words being read. Jackie kept going and went even more over the top with the impression. He was laughing at what he was reading as he went through it. Howard asked Robin if she wanted to hear another reading. Robin said that was very funny so she did want to hear more.
Jackie read more of Robin's book in that crazy impression. He had Robin and Howard cracking up. Jackie was reading about this outfit Robin was wearing for a date she was going on. Jackie would go through it and have Howard cracking up. Jackie said he hopes no one else picks the other passage he wanted to read. Howard told him to do another one now. Jackie said he didn't want to over do it though. Howard told him to save it then. He said it's obvious he wants to read more though.
Jackie read another little bit from Robin's book where she talked about losing her virginity. Jackie was cracking up reading that stuff. He had Howard laughing but Robin didn't sound quite as amused now. She said ''How dare you read my stuff.'' Jackie read about Robin having sex and how excruciating the pain was.
Jackie wrapped up and everyone applauded. Howard said he loves reading that stuff out loud. Howard said Robin has given him a purpose in life. He said it's funny when Jackie reads it. Jackie said there's a party in every paragraph. Howard said he relishes every page. Robin said she heard from him that he was only reading about 1 page every 15 minutes because he was absorbing it all. Howard said he didn't realize he was having so much fun with the book.
Stuttering John said that everyone was calling and saying how great this stuff is. Some people were saying that Jackie should stop putting his own jokes on his CDs and put this on there instead. Howard said that he finally found something he's good at. He said the fans can't get enough of this. He should have done that on Star Search. They wrapped up a short time later.
- Robin's News - Unknown Dates. 08/20/14. 9:45am
Finally on today's unnamed vacation special they played a Robin's News segment from an unknown date.
Today's special was over around 10:10am.
- Wrap Up Show - Jackie's Read And Robin's Party. 08/20/14. 10:10am
Jon Hein started today's live Wrap Up Show with Scott Salem sitting in. Jon said they had a lot to talk about today. He went over the list of segments they replayed today. Jon said he wanted to start off talking about Jackie reading Robin's book. He said everyone was going to get a turn to read a section of her book. He said Jackie became a favorite doing it. Scott said he was amazing as Robin and they couldn't get enough of it. Jon said that made him turn it up 15 notches. Scott said Jackie went after it big time. Jon said Robin hated it big time. He said she couldn't stand him doing it and it's stuck since then. Scott said it's permanent now.
Jon said the key is to not react to it. He said sometimes the natural reaction comes out and it becomes a fixture on the show. Scott said that's just the way it is. He said you can't complain about one thing.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Robin's party. He said it was a really nice event. He said hearing it and looking back on it he thinks about how much has changed since then. He said so many things happened there. He said Sal got pranked when Howard asked Richard to come on the boat with him. He said Sal was freaking out about that.
Jon asked Scott what he remembers about that. Scott said he remembers Ralph hogging the jet skis. He said he went out on a boat ride and everyone was there. Jon said Ralph did take the jet ski and he kept it for 90 minutes. He said no one was allowed to take it. Jon said JD had a drinking episode there too. He said that was the JD of 2006 and not the big star they know now.
Jon asked JD if he was smashed at that party. JD said he remembers bits and pieces of that. He said he spilled a drink on the boat. Jon said it was on Ronnie. JD said he remembers taking a group picture and Jared was shirtless. Jon asked if he remembers telling someone to fuck off when they asked if he wanted to take a tour of Robin's house. JD said he doesn't remember that. He said he will do that if he's drunk enough though.
Jon said that JD bonded with them over the food. He said he loves when they get together outside this world and it's just them. Jon asked who is most different in that environment. He said Sal was one who Gary said is much different around his wife.
Shuli said the one guy he noticed was different was Steve Langford. He said when he showed up with his family he was a completely different guy. He said it was like the machine was unplugged for a while. Jon said Steve is two different people and that's the way he always was.
Jon said they all had a really good time at that party. Scott said it's one of the few parties he's been invited to in his time there. Jon asked if he thinks that he's left out on purpose. Scott said he doesn't think so. Jon said he's more of a behind the scenes kind of guy. He asked if he thinks his personality has something to do with it. Scott said he doesn't have a very outgoing personality and they've been over that before.
Benjy said there is this psychological thing called scapegoating. Jon asked Scott if he thinks that's what he is. Scott said he doesn't think so. Shuli said anyone can be there as long as you're on Howard Stern. Benjy said he thinks that Scott gets called out more than others do.
Jon said Scott doesn't make the cut often. He said he thinks that people forget. Scott said it still happens. Benjy said he thinks that it's a decision. Scott said a lot of it is his fault. He said he would say he can't make it and people assume he won't come. Scott said he thinks he got himself into that. He said if it happens time and time again then people will stop asking.
Jon said that JD is notorious for not showing up. JD said he's not the only one. He said that Jon lives out on Long Island and he won't come to things like that. Jon said that JD is now in Manhattan and he's more available for these social type things. JD said that he's taking his girlfriend out and introducing her to people. He said she's becoming friends with them so he tags along.
Jon asked JD if he would ask Howard to go out. JD said he doesn't have that kind of relationship with him. Jon said he could. Jon asked if he would meet with Howard and Beth if they asked him out. JD said he would probably do that. JD said if he says no then there's going to be an analyzing of that. He said he thinks he would go out.
Benjy said that he loves New York and JD really doesn't want to live there. JD said he likes the city. He said he could live somewhere else if there was a job there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Howard will bring back guys like Jackie and Artie for an all star show. Jon said Jackie has been on a couple of times and he has a show on Howard 101. He said he thins Howard might go down that avenue if he was ending the show. He said he hopes that's not for a long time though.
Jon said when Jackie does come in the Fred and Jackie thing is kind of strange. He said Jackie thinks Fred doesn't like him and Fred denies that. Scott said Fred enjoys busting Jackie's balls because Jackie did it for so long. He said he does a great job with it too.
Jon said Robin tells Jackie he blew it when he comes in. Scott said he's not upset with Jackie for leaving. He said he's not sure why Robin and Fred would have anything against him for leaving. Benjy said he thinks it is resentment like ''how dare you leave.'' Jon said if you're a part of the show and then someone leaves and you come back into the mix it's going to be awkward. He said there's an unspoken kind of tension there.
Shuli said that Howard has said Jackie would put himself ahead of the team and hold out for more money. He said Howard said that the last time Jackie did that and told him he wasn't going to be able to help him.
Jon said Jackie seemed to be about the plugs and money and he may have over valued himself with the show. Shuli said there are no plugs or money without the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he forgot how funny that cum paste bit was. He said Howard turned that whole thing around and made it a great radio bit. Jon said that bit was horrible and they called the guy and pranked him. He said he really felt for the guy. He said the best part in his opinion is when Howard tells him it's the biggest piece of crap he's heard and the guy thinks that's the bit. He said it went on for so long and it was so funny. He said Howard is masterful at making anything interesting. He said that's why he's the best at what he does. He said Artie was great in it and Robin played along really well too.
Jon said Scott has been around the longest of the guys in the room. He said he's heard it all. Scot said that Howard can figure out a way to make it interesting no matter what it is.
Jon said he's not sure that guy is still doing those bits. JD said he's not sure how far a guy who calls himself Cum Slosh Josh can make it.
Shuli said that Howard can make a meal out of scraps. He said he remembers a guy who wanted to get into porn and they called the guy off the air and asked him to do insane things. He said that whole moment was an example of Howard turning nothing into something. They went to break after that.
- Wrap Up Show - Jackie's Goofing. 08/20/14. 10:40am
After the break they came back to a Jackie the Joke Man intro where he's goofing on Gary. Scott said just imagine listening to that for 15 years. JD asked if that's the longest promo. Jon said they were just talking about that.
Jon said he and Scott do the IDs that they play. He said that they had something simple written on the page for Jackie and Jackie did that without Gary in the room. He said Gary loves Jackie and misses him. Scott said they all miss him. Jon said Jackie was merciless with that stuff. Jon said back then Gary didn't have the respect of a lot of people on the show like he does now. Scott agreed. He said that stuff continued off the air too. He said he continued to make gorilla jokes even off the air just to break Gary's balls.
Shuli said that Jackie would go to the bathroom and he'd make a tooth joke about Gary just in case Gary was in a stall in there.
Benjy said that kind of stuff over and over again can get to you. Jon said he thinks that Gary enjoys that a little bit. He said he thinks JD does too. JD said ''c'mon.'' Shuli said it's fun when Fred is doing it and he's not pissed off like he is when it's coming from Will and Jason in the office. Jon said Will hits him non stop. He said he can laugh about it. JD said not all the time. Jon said that he will get pissed off by other people doing it. JD said he can't take it all the time from Will.
Benjy asked if it hurts or is it just the repeating. JD said it's the repetitive part. Shuli said it's like a battered wife on COPS. He said he juts deals with it. JD said that's kind of what it is. Jon said they have to get Will in there. JD said he hopes Will isn't there today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it seems like Howard's attitude is that the show is more serious now than it used to be. He said it used to be 100 percent fun and now it's like 75 percent fun and 25 percent work. Jon said he thinks Howard's attitude is that this is his job and he takes it very seriously. He said he's trying to be the best he can be. He said that's the way he approaches the show. He said when the microphone goes on he's on. He said Howard is getting enjoyment out of whatever he's doing.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks he's having less fun now. Scott said he thinks that Howard just wants everything to go correctly.
Jon interrupted Scott because Will was in there. Jon said that JD agreed that when Will picks on him he's like a battered woman on COPs. Will said he's a chubby battered woman. Jon said JD keeps going back for more. He said Will would stop if he knew it hurt JD for real. Will said he wouldn't but then said he actually would. He said he'd stop for his own safety. Jon said that Gary didn't seem to mind it when Jackie did it.
Will said he thinks that Howard would stop with JD if he saw it was bothering him. He said that it's not funny if they can't take it. Will said it's always a fine line around there.
Jon said that Benjy is the whipping boy of the show and he has been for a long time. Jon said when some people do it then it rolls off his back. He said other people can get to him though. Scott said Howard is his boss and he has to take shit from him.
Scott said he can deal with it coming from Howard. Scott said a lot of people trash other people on Twitter and he just blocks it out. He said that's what he can do at work too.
Scott said when he does his job right no one hears about it. He said when he screws up one thing a year it comes out like he can't do anything right. Jon asked how long he's worked there. Scott said it's 29 years. Jon asked if he feels unappreciated. Scott said at times he does. Jon said he thinks that Gary has evolved with the show. He said now he gets picked on but it's different. He said there's a level of respect that you can hear. He said with Scott it doesn't seem to happen. Jon said he wonders if that's why he feels unappreciated. Scott said at some point everyone feels unappreciated in their job. Scott said in this job you don't get a lot of pats on the back. He said sometimes you like that even though you shouldn't expect it. They went to break a short time later.
- Wrap Up Show - Beloved Staff Members. 08/20/14. 11:00am
After the break Jon said he thinks Scott feels better now. Scott said he knows he'd be out of there if he didn't do a good job. Jon said that's true. He said if he wasn't good he wouldn't be there. Jon said what Will said is true too. He said if you get your balls broken there is 1 percent in there that rings true and it hurts. He said a lot of the best comedy comes from truth in some way. Shuli said that's right.
Jon asked JD about taking abuse on the show and how it seems to be out of love. He asked if that makes him feel better in a way. JD said it just depends on how he's feeling at the time. He said sometimes you can hear a joke or something about you and it can get annoying. He said he does love everyone there. He said sometimes you let your guard down. Will said that it's all about love... JD's love of eating.
Jon asked who is loved on the show. Will said he loves Sal on the show. He said obviously JD too. Jon said that he loves Sal too. Shuli said that they're forgetting Ronnie. Will said he doesn't think so. He said that he's not really a lovable person. Jon said the real question is who is the most beloved on the show. Shuli said people love JD and Ronnie on the show.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if there are ever weeks that go by that there aren't microphones that are screwed up. Scott said that it doesn't happen all the time. He said that she has it in her head that they are but they're not. The caller said she's been listening to the show since Scott has been there and he gets yelled at once a week. Scott said it's not once a week. The caller said he has to turn his radio on and listen to it. Scott said they had a problem the other day and there was a broken wire in a room he doesn't deal with. He said that they blame it on him and say that he fucked up. Jon said that's not true. He said that it is Scott's responsibility to make sure the show is on the air live when it starts. He said that ultimately it is his responsibility. He said Gary is the one who has to be there for that too and he's good at taking the hit.
The caller said yesterday they had Ronnie riding the Sybian on Sternthology and she pissed her pants hearing that. Jon said so did Ronnie.
Scott got back to that broken wire. He said he made sure it got fixed and it did. Scott asked what he did wrong. Jon said he didn't have it working properly when the show started in his opinion. Benjy said that he said he did the proper check at the proper time. Scott said before they went on the air he knew something was wrong. He said it wasn't after. He said he found the problem and it took a few minutes where the problem was and how to correct it. Jon said that's great. Scott said things do break.
Jon said when Scott is doing something there is no sense of urgency. He said that's what people notice. Scott said he used to be that way. He said you rush around and can't think clearly. He said now he relaxes and thinks it out clearly.
Will said that a lot of people make mistakes there but Scott's are noticed because it affects the audio of the show. Benjy said that based on what he's hearing it doesn't sound like he did anything wrong. Jon said hopefully they changed the caller's mind.
Jon asked Shuli to give them his Howard 100 News headlines. Shuli ran down a few things they had coming up today. The guys got in some plugs and then they ended the show. They were done around 11:15am.