- Unnamed Thanksgiving Vacation Special - Day 4. 11/27/14. 6:00am
Howard is on vacation this week so they played and unnamed vacation special featuring various segments from past shows. Here's what they played:
- Gary's Penis Stent - June 11, 2009. 11/27/14. 6:00am
First up today they played a segment from 2009 when Gary talked about having a stent removed through his penis. Here's my rundown from that day:
Gary's Stent Removal Story. 06/11/09. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: ''Fly Me With Balloons'' song parody about Eric the Midget, Staind performing ''True Colors'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard started the show asking Robin about her arm. Robin said it's getting better. Howard asked about Gary's Stent removal too. He said he heard he was in excruciating pain. Robin wasn't sure how that works. She said if they traumatize the area taking it out then how does it work.
Gary said he's a pussy. He said that it was horrible. He said he and Steve Langford drove up to Connecticut to the doctor's office to get the procedure done. Gary said they were sitting in the doctor's office and didn't explain who Steve was.
Gary said he went into an office and he had to take off everything from the waist down. The nurse, who was attractive, stepped out. She told him to put something on his lap to cover up. Gary said he started looking at the instruments in the room and he started thinking about what they could be for. Howard said that reminds him of a Star Trek episode where they talked about the instruments they used to use as being barbaric.
Gary said there were some tubes hanging and a liquid that looked like it could be used. He said he stated to freak out about it. Gary said they took this thing off his lap and the nurse was in there and his dick was so shrunken that he had to pull it out.
Howard asked Gary what was going on because he didn't understand. He went through the story again and asked about being nude from the waist down. Gary said the nurse took the thing off his lap so he was nude from the waist down.
Howard asked Gary about being on the table. Gary said his penis was so small that he couldn't find it. It was retracted because he hadn't had anything sexual going on in 20 days or so. He had to pull it out because it was hiding. He was also embarrassed in front of this girl.
Gary said the doctor came in and explained what was going to go on. They wiped the head of his penis to get him ready. He said he started to freak out and they asked him to calm down. It was a numbing gel they were putting on him.
Gary said he looked down and started to freak out again. He said they were going to insert something in there so he was squirming around. He said the doctor kept telling him to calm down. He said the guy got really stern with him too. He said he might have to bring him next door to the hospital and knock him out.
Gary said he tried to take it easy. The nurse told him to take deep breaths. He said Steve was out in the waiting room at the time. Gary said he didn't bring the recorder into the room with him though. He said he didn't think they'd want it in there.
Gary said he was breathing hard and going nuts so then he sees them going into his penis with a camera. He had to go in there to see what he was going to pull out. Howard asked Gary why they don't knock him out for this. Gary said they were in there for an hour blasting so that's why he was knocked out for that.
Gary said he could feel a burning when the camera was in there. He said it wasn't so painful. He said it was just uncomfortable and odd feeling. He said that was weird and then he said they were pulling it out and Gary was clawing onto the table. He said it didn't hurt but it didn't feel good. He said he's not sure how they pulled it out.
Gary said he thinks he felt liquid on him and the he saw that it was about 12 inches long. He said the doctor explained to him how it worked. It was pulled out and he felt like he had been raped. He said it was a horrible feeling.
Gary said he got dressed and they all left the room. Gary said he had something to cover up with while they left the room. Gary said they told him not to pee before he got there so he went to pee after. He said it hurt really bad and burned. He said they had to make sure he could pee after that.
Howard asked if he screamed. Gary said he just groaned. He said he walked out and Langford was waiting for him. Howard asked Gary if he's going to change his diet now. Gary said the doctor told him that he has to come back and talk about his diet. He said he has to pee in something for 24 hours to find out what he has to change in his diet yet because of that.
Gary said he left and met up with Langford. Langford kept his mic on the whole time. He said Langford never stops or says he's done. He just wants him to keep talking. He said he dropped Steve off at the train station and then he went home.
Gary said he went home and it was like 4 o'clock. He said he didn't feel bad so he was going to go to his son's baseball game. Then he felt a pain in his stomach. He said it was getting worse and worse. Gary said he was going to take a pill to get over the pain. He said it kept getting worse. He said he emailed his doctor and he told him to call him.
Gary said that the doctor told him that he might still have a fragment in there. He said he had the pain of a kidney stone. Gary said he passed part of a stone around 10 last night and the pain went away. He said he went through all of that shit and still went through the pain of passing a stone.
The guys told Gary that story was awful. Howard said some of this stuff is hereditary and he knew a guy who used to pass those things on a regular basis. Howard said the guy looked healthy and he was passing them almost every day. Robin said she's seen people crying and unable to walk because of them. Howard said this guy would be writhing in pain on the floor.
Gary said walking around was better than laying down for him. He said he had to do that to get over the pain. Howard told him that he should be thin by next week if he changes his diet.
Howard said that to top off all of that for Gary the Mets lost. Gary said that's true. Howard said he's glad Gary is feeling better. Gary said he can pee now and it's not as bad as it was. Gary said he had all of these x-rays, CAT scans and operations and he still had to pass that stone.
Gary said he was all naked there having this procedure done with a tiny penis and that wasn't fun. Howard said he's seen Gary naked before and he has a pretty good sized penis. He said he'd be even smaller than Gary if he had to do that. He said they could have sent Gary to the gynecologist after seeing that. Artie said if he can change his diet then Gary can change his.
Howard said he was talking to Scott DePace about prostate examinations and the doctor has to stick his finger in your ass when you do that. Scott told him that he would never get that done. Howard said you have to have that done. Scott won't do it. Howard said if he gets cancer and doesn't know it, it's worse than having a finger up your ass. He said that's why he was telling Scott that.
Scott said he just turned 40 and there is no history of that in his family so he's going to wait. Howard said he should just get it done. Artie has had it done.
Howard told Scott he might go through a living hell if he doesn't get this done. He said that he should welcome the finger in there. Artie said he would let Nicole Bass ass fuck him with a dildo to avoid cancer.
- JD's Fears - May 5, 2009. 11/27/14. 6:20am
Next up today they played a segment where Howard talked to JD about his fears. Here's my rundown from that day:
Sal And JD Discussions. 05/05/09. 7:45am
Howard said Gary got him all worked up during the break earlier. He said that Gary pointed out that Sal only emails Beth and no one else on the show. Howard said Gary also pointed out that Sal said that Howard won't answer his emails so he has to email Beth. Howard said that Sal is such a suck up.
Howard said Sal had to send an email about what he and Beth were fighting about so they could get that whole thing going again.
Howard said JD used a term on the Wrap Up Show that no one knew. He said ''rub up'' and no one had a clue what he was talking about. Howard played that clip and said that they were figuring that maybe he meant to say ''brouhaha'' or something. Robin said that she thought it was ''Hubbub'' or something like that. JD came in and said that he meant to say ''hubbub.''
Howard said he was talking to Beth about JD last night. He said he was telling her about his dad getting married and how he didn't know the new wife's name. JD said he knows her name now. JD said he only met her once.
Howard said he just feels bad for JD because he doesn't know what's going on in his dad's life. He said he has to reach out to JD. JD said he's not a charity case.
Howard said he was looking for JD yesterday at the Star Trek movie. Artie said that shows how much Howard listens to him because he said he wasn't going to make it yesterday.
JD said he didn't want to say what his new step-mom's name was when they asked him what it was. Artie and Howard were coming up with names for her since JD wasn't talking. Howard said ''Titty Woman'' would be good and started to sing '' Pretty Woman'' with the Titty Woman name in there.
Howard and the guys asked JD what this woman looks like but JD was saying he didn't know. JD said he just didn't want to get into the whole thing. He just didn't want to talk about her. Howard asked if she had nice sized tits. JD said he didn't look.
JD told Howard that he was creeping him out and he didn't want to talk about that stuff. Howard said he was just trying to bond with him. Howard asked if the tits are bigger than his mom's tits.
Howard asked JD if Robin has big tits. JD said she does. Howard figured that he had to have looked at this woman. JD said that his dad's new wife has healthy sized bosom. Howard asked if they were bigger or smaller than Robin's. JD said that they're probably smaller than Robin's. He said that he may have looked at them for a second but he didn't study them. Howard asked if they were bigger than Benjy's. JD said he wasn't sure about that.
Howard said he felt sad for JD when he was thinking about all of that last night. He said he felt JD's pain. Howard said it's really sad that he didn't remember the woman's name. JD said that he does know her name. Howard said that's only because he made a big deal out of it yesterday.
Howard talked about how sad it is that JD doesn't know his mom very well and she doesn't come to visit much. Now his father is remarrying and he doesn't know the woman's name. JD kept saying that he does know her name.
Howard asked JD if he can love him. JD laughed and said yes but he was laughing. Howard told him not to laugh when he asks. JD couldn't stop laughing. Howard asked him in a serious manner about it and he still laughed.
Howard said he had a clip from the Wrap Up Show yesterday where JD said ''you know'' about 8 times in one sentence. Howard played the clip and counted up the ''you knows'' and ''I don't knows'' that were in that conversation. Jon and Gary were talking to JD about marriage when he kept saying that stuff. Artie was laughing his ass off as that was playing and even after it had stopped. He was laughing uncontrollably.
Artie said that you don't have to be Freud to see that the kid has a fear of intimacy. He said that there's nothing like a good broad. Artie said that clip was the funniest he's ever played on the show. Howard said he wanted to count the ''you know'' comments in the clip so he had a total. Fred was playing a bell sound every time he said it. Howard counted but said Fred screwed up and missed one. Howard had him start over. They counted at least 7 and Fred missed at least two of them. Howard told Fred to watch him for the cue to when to play the bell sound. He played the clip a third time. They came up with 8 ''you know'' in one JD sentence.
Robin said that JD repeats gibberish sometimes and you can't even quantify it as language. Howard said he had another clip where JD said that he ''believed'' it was his father's third marriage. He played that clip as well.
Howard asked JD if his brother has trouble talking like he does. JD said he thinks he's better. Artie said he's met him and he's much better in social situations. He said that his brother works at Best Buy so he has to deal with people all the time.
Fred was making fun of JD and doing his impression of him mumbling. Howard asked JD more about his brother and JD mumbled out some more stuff about him. JD said that he's older than his brother. Howard asked if he's like Napoleon Dynamite with the more competitive brother. JD seemed to agree with him on that.
Howard said he can't wait to hear about the wedding. JD is flying out for that this weekend. Gary came in with a picture of JD's brother and he had a hot chick sitting on his lap. JD had no idea who she was.
Howard asked JD if he's been thinking about his wedding speech. JD said he has but he has no idea what he's going to say. Howard wanted to hear what he had so far. JD said that he might look up some other speeches and figure out what to do from that. Fred did JD's voice and said ''Four score and seven years ago...'' and some other famous speeches that he might find on the web.
Howard said that JD doesn't know his father that well so he wanted to know what he's going to talk about. JD said he really doesn't know but he's going to keep it short. JD said that he's glad that they found happiness together and he hopes that they keep it going. Howard said that stuff sounded good to him. He told JD to just phone it in.
The Howard TV guys offered to tape the wedding for free but JD told them to stay out of his life. Howard said that they would have a great wedding video if he let them do that. Howard said that Chuck might really enjoy that. JD said he's not sure about that.
Howard said they'd let JD off the hook now. He said he hopes that he lets the Howard TV guys go. JD said that won't happen. Howard was going to let JD go after that but they just couldn't stop talking to him. Artie brought up how his father was a ''crazy crack head'' at one point. Artie told him not to bring that up at the wedding. JD said that he had to leave after that.
JD told Howard that he will accept his love like he asked earlier. JD just laughed when he said that so Howard asked him to accept his love in a serious way. JD kept giggling. He eventually said he would accept it and stooped laughing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he found information about JD's new step-mom on her Myspace page. Howard didn't let the guy say anything about her. He hung up on him and took another call from a guy who said that JD has been getting too much air time and he should stop with that.
Howard said that they weren't able to get into the building today. They're shooting a Nicolas Cage movie near there and they've been blocking off streets during the shoot. Howard said that they apparently crashed a car last night and it was making it impossible for anyone to get to work this morning shooting this thing. Fred said that someone was hurt last night in the crash. Someone was walking on the sidewalk and the car crashed.
Howard said Al Rosenberg was at the Star Trek screening yesterday. He said that Sal introduced him to some people as ''the great Al Goldstein'' and didn't even know he was giving the wrong name. Howard said that Sal constantly insults people. He had to go to break after that.
- Russian Pick Up Contest - September 8, 2010. 11/27/14. 6:55am
Next up on today's vacation special they played a Russian Pick Up Game from 2010. Here's my rundown from that day:
Russian Pick-Up Contest. 09/08/10. 8:20am
Fred played The Beatles ''Back in the USSR'' as they were coming back from break. Howard came back and said they had Oksana Kehoe in the studio. She's offering her services to them today. They only have two girls there today. He said they combined the groups because of that. Howard had the guys bring in Oksana and asked her some questions about her boyfriend but she didn't want to say much about him. It turns out he's a young guy in school. She said he is over 18 and she's still in her 20s.
Howard said that they offer a translation service for guys who are looking for Russian women. Oksana said guys contact her and pay her $80 a week for her service. She said it works out to about $10 an hour.
Howard asked Oksana if she's the same girl that was trying to extort money out of Mel Gibson. Oksana said she would never do that. Howard said Oksana is a very good looking woman. He said he bets that she's very loving.
Oksana said that she was on the show 5 years ago and she took her top off. She said that her career went up a lot after that. She said that she had a radio show to promote back then. Howard said her boobs must still look good. She said she wanted to get a boob job but she hasn't done that.
Oksana said next time she comes in she'll have more girls for them. Howard said today they're going to do two rounds with the girls they have there. Oksana said the girls don't know anything about Howard. Howard said that's good. He said they're all going to go in, one by one, and do this speed dating thing. He said they'll have two different groups and he'll be in both. He said they have 90 seconds to do the speed dating and then the girls will say who they liked the most.
Oksana said that one of the girls has red hair and the other is Dominican. Howard said he has no idea what she's talking about half the time. Howard said you can find out more about her translation service, go to RussianTranslations911.com. Robin didn't understand what the service was so Oksana explained it to them again. Howard and Robin still didn't seem to know what it was but they were done hearing the explanation.
Oksana said that the girls there today are 21 and 22 years old. She said that women over 25 feel old and they get made fun of. Howard asked who is going to want to be with him at his age. Oksana said that the girls are looking for a soul mate so he has a shot with the girls. Oksana said they know enough English to understand what they'll be saying. Howard said some of the guys are very good looking so he's not sure if he has a shot. Oksana said they look at men with a different perspective. She said Howard is not ugly either. She said that he was so hot on David Letterman. She told him to take his eyeglasses off and show his eyes.
Howard told Gary to get in there so he can go out and do his thing. Gary said they're going to do Benjy, Scott Salem, Howard and JD. He said that Sal, Will and Jared will be in the second group. Howard told Oksana not to tape in there. Gary told Oksana not to do that before the show and she didn't listen. She said it was for just one second. Howard said it was one second too much.
Gary said that one of the girls just got there like last week. He said that they're very new to the country. Howard said he's going to leave now and go out and do his thing. He and Benjy are going to be leaving. Gary was going to control the board. He knows how to control the microphones and all of that.
Howard took off his headphones and let Gary take over. Jon Hein is going to be in charge of sequestering the guys. Jason will be helping out as well.
Gary was going to play the part of Howard now. He asked Jon to give him a thumbs up if everyone was set. He was all ready to go so they brought in Maria who is the red head that Oksana mentioned earlier. Robin said she was little. Gary said hello to her and asked how long she had been there. she's been in the country for 2 years now. She told them that she likes being there and she's been working. She hasn't been dating though. Gary asked Maria about what she does. She works as a hostess in a restaurant.
Gary told Maria that they were going to have Benjy come in and do a 90 second speed dating thing. Benjy came in and told Maria she looked very nice and then asked her some questions. He said he was very nervous with her too. Robin asked if his time was up yet because she was bored. Benjy said that Robin was his mom. Benjy then spoke to her in Russian. She asked if that was supposed to be Russian. He ran out of time after that.
Gary sent Benjy out of the room and asked Maria what she thought of him. She said that he was nice and she didn't understand his Russian phrases. She and Oksana tried to figure out what he was trying to say. Maria said it was very funny that he tried to say something in Russian. Oksana said that Benjy was good looking compared to Russian men. Maria said that Benjy was nice.
Gary had Scott the Engineer Salem come in next. Scott said hi to Maria and asked her when she got there. She said she's just been there since June. She said she likes it very much. Scott asked her where she goes to party and things like that. Scott asked if she wanted to go see some of the sights around the city too. She said she likes to dance. They talked about partying and dancing for the few seconds they had left of the 90 seconds.
Gary brought in JD and said they were going to wait to get reactions from the girls. JD came in and asked how long she had been there and how much she liked it. JD asked about her job and things like that. JD asked her what she looks for in a guy. Maria said that he should have a sense of humor and he should respect her and show that he loves her.
After JD ran out of time they had Howard come in as ''Scott D.'' Howard spoke to Maria and said that it was good to see her. He asked her how long she'd been there and all of the same things that everyone else asked. Howard then said it must be exciting to be there. Maria said that it was very interesting. Howard asked if she found a job. She said she did. Howard said this was very awkward but he would like to get to know her and talk to her some more. He said he could never go to Russia and get a job and start a new life. Howard asked if her family is going to come over. She said they will. They ran out of time.
Gary said they had one more person and that was Ronnie. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and asked Maria how she was and said she's very pretty. He asked how long she had been there. He asked what she likes to do. She said she likes to have fun and party. Ronnie asked if she likes to go to clubs. She said sometimes she does. Ronnie asked her what she drinks. Maria said she likes Vodka. Maria said she likes chicken to eat. Ronnie asked if she likes older guys. Maria said it doesn't mater for her. She said it's about the personality. They ran out of time a short time later.
They brought in all of the contestants next so they could have Maria tell them who she would like to see again and get to know better.
Maria ended up picking Benjy. She said he was very nice and smiling at her. She said he was attractive to her too. Gary asked if there was anyone who was too old for her. She said that she wasn't sure about that. Maria said one of them was like a father to her. Howard asked who her second choice would be after Benjy. Maria said it was all so fast. She said she might pick Scott D next. That was Howard. She said that he was not like everyone and she likes individuality. Howard asked if she really liked Benjy more than him. Gary asked her what it was about Benjy that Scott D. didn't have. She said that was just the feeling she had. She wasn't sure exactly what it was. She said it was a sense of humor or something. Howard asked who her third choice would be. Maria said she wasn't sure because it all happened so fast. Howard asked who the third guy would be that she would date. She picked Scott the Engineer. Howard said it was Benjy, Scott D., Scott the Engineer and then who? Maria picked JD next and Ronnie last.
Howard said he wanted to discuss this for a minute. He told the guys to stay in there. He said he can't believe he lost to Benjy. Fred said he thinks that he won the round because he spoke Russian to her. Howard said he brought in roses for her and he didn't have them where he said they were. Howard said he wasn't able to find the blue bag that he said was in his office. Howard said Gary is an asshole. Howard said he can't believe he lost out to Benjy.
Robin said that Benjy sort of identified with her. He said he was nervous just like she was. Howard told Maria that Benjy is sweaty, fat and bald. Benjy said he's getting better. Benjy also said that he's flattered by this. He said that it's brave and adventurous for someone to move to another country like that.
Benjy said that Maria's eyes are incredible. Howard told him to shut up. He was still trying to pick her up. Howard asked if she would go out with Benjy for real. Maria laughed. Howard asked if she would really go out with him. She said she would. Oksana asked if she wanted to date him. She didn't seem to know what was going on.
Howard said Maria is lovely and he was hoping that he'd be the one. He said he was not so Benjy has the bragging rights. Howard said he was glad he beat the other guys at least.
The guys spent a minute talking about what went on and then Howard moved on to the second round. Howard asked Gary where his roses were. Gary said he had them in his office and they were right there. Howard asked Maria if she would have loved the rose. Maria said she would. Robin said that Howard seemed nervous. Howard said he was.
Howard said this second round is going to be tough. He has to go up against Will and Jared now. Howard asked what he has to do to improve. Oksana told him to take off his glasses. Howard said he did that for Maria. He said he doesn't know how to do any better. Howard said he's got to fire Benjy for doing better than him. He said he can't believe he beat him.
Howard asked Maria how she could choose him over him. Maria said that she would change her answer then. Gary wanted to show her what he looks like when he gets there in the morning. They showed the picture of Benjy all sweaty and bald. Benjy was yelling ''No! No!'' before they put it up.
Howard wanted to move on to the second round. He said he hates Benjy now. Howard said he had to get the rose off the table because he's bringing the rose to the next girl. Gary said that's not going to help. Howard said he has to do whatever he can.
Mike Gange came in and said that Benjy was looking into Maria's eyes and he didn't take them off of her. Howard said he did too. Howard said he doesn't like Russian women anymore. Oksana said that he has a second chance now. Howard said he didn't want to play again.
They brought in the second contestant, Julia, and spent a minute talking to her. Robin told her that they have 5 men who are going to come in and talk to her for 90 seconds each. Then they were going to ask her who she would date out of the 5 men. Gary had Sal come in first.
Sal came in and told Julia that he baked her a cupcake. Julia said she likes chocolate. She said this one looked kind of soft though. Sal asked her if she had ever been to Bukakke bakery. She said she wanted to talk to him first. She said that in Russia they have a cemetery and they put sprinkles on them. Sal said he wanted to say that he would like to take her out and bake for her. He said he will keep this in mind and he hopes that they can get to know each other more. They ran out of time after that.
Gary then had Scott D. (Howard) come in. Howard came in and brought her a rose. She said that she liked that it was fresh. Howard said the other two guys who are waiting to meet her smell funny. He asked her how it was living in the states. She said she's just visiting for a short period. Howard asked if she has a boyfriend. She said she has a guy who likes her. Howard tried to speak Spanish to her but she didn't understand. Howard asked her some more questions about her boyfriend but they ran out of time. Julia was very chatty.
Gary then brought in Will Murray. Will came in and Julia said he looks like he just came in from the office. She said that it was sexy. She said she didn't know that he could have a beard like he had. Will said he's just dressed up for her today. Will asked where she lives. She said she's been there for a month but she's just visiting. Julia is actually living in the Dominican Republic. She said she works with baseball players and has her own league that she runs. Will asked her how she got involved with that but they ran out of time in the middle of the story.
Gary then brought in Jared. Jared came in and asked where she's from. She told him her story about visiting the states and where she lives. Jared shared some stories about visiting Australia and Julia used up all of her time just talking about herself. They ran out of time in the middle of one of her stories.
Gary interrupted and had everyone else come back in for Julia to pick from. Gary said that they were going to ask her who she would date if she had to pick one of the 4. Julia said this was tough to pick because of the short time they had. Julia said if she had to pick just one she would like to go out with all of them and try everything. Gary and Robin told her to pick one of the guys she just spoke to. Julia said she doesn't like small guys so she wants someone tall. She said she likes guys her size. The guys stood up and she went to each one and went to Howard since he's so tall. She just wouldn't pick. She kept talking and talking. They couldn't get an answer out of her. Julia said that she would like the tallest guy in the group if he would change his clothes. She picked Howard.
Howard said he would wear whatever she wanted him to wear. He asked her who number 2 would be. Julia said she had to look at them again. She said she might pick Sal and then Jared and then Will. Howard said this was a huge win for him. He told Julia that she's beautiful. He said he has to say that he just beat the best looking guy, Jared, and Will and Sal. He said that he loves Julia. He said that she loves him too. Howard said he did it.
Howard said Will came in dead last. He loves that. Julia said that was just the way she felt. Howard said he took his glasses off to connect with her too. He said he thinks that worked. Howard said that Julia is very good looking and he beat out all of the other guys in there because he connected with her. Howard said Will thought he was going to beat him. So did Jared. Julia said they all look nice. She said that she'd go out with all of them and have a nice time.
Howard asked Julia what she does for a living. She said that she is in the baseball business. Howard said he can't wait to brag. He bragged to Benjy. Howard said Julia looks like Demi Moore. He said he knows because he knows Demi Moore.
Robin said that Sal got into an argument with her from the start. Howard said that he came back so defeated thinking that she didn't like him. Howard said Julia made his life complete. He said she didn't know who he was and he still picked him over that good looking stud (Jared). Robin said that Sal did bring in the cupcake but the other people didn't bring in anything. Jared said he thinks that she wants to be showered with stuff. Julia said it doesn't have to be anything expensive. She said it was just nice that they brought her something. Howard said they though she was going to pick the good looking guy and not care about anything else. Julia said she's looking for a man of substance.
Sal kept telling Julia to stop talking. He said she was losing points the more she talked. He said she'll make her money at Rick's next week. Howard said he loves it and the rest of the guys have to bow down to him. Will said he thinks that she just went down the line and only picked Howard because he's tall. Howard told him not to talk to her like that again. Howard said that Will was first in line too and he has no personality so that's why he didn't get picked. Will said he had a great conversation with her about baseball. Will said that Howard was just bribing her. Howard told Will he has a horrible personality. Robin said she tried to tell him that too.
Howard told Julia how hot she looked again. He said she's a sexy woman. Howard said American women should all be like her. Howard told Benjy he beat Jared and Will. Benjy said he didn't beat him. Howard said the first round was a disaster.
Howard gave Oksana some more plugs for her web site and asked her how she thinks he did. Oksana said that Howard did very well. Sal was throwing dollar bills at Julia. Oksana said they can expect different girls next time. Howard said they're all jealous of him now that he won.
Howard was rubbing it in everyone's face that he had won. He told Mike Gange he hopes he picked up some hints on how to do it. Howard said goodbye to everyone and then went to break.
- Tony Siragusa - September 11, 2012. 11/27/14. 8:05am
Next up today they played a Tony Siragusa interview from 2012. Here's my rundown from that day:
Tony Siragusa Visits. 09/11/12. 7:05am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a woman using clips of Robin talking about beautiful breasts. Fred also played Green Day's ''Welcome to Paradise'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and had Tony Siragusa come in. Howard said he has a new book out called ''Goose: The Outrageous Life and Times of a Football Guy.''
Howard said he remembers when Tony did the Man Caves show with Gary and he started smacking Gary on the belly. Tony said he has a bit of a shake going on there. Howard said he can manhandle guys like that because he's so big. Howard asked if he was big when he was in school. Tony said he was a chubby kid in school. He said that some kids would beat him up but then he got bigger and bigger and then those kids would run away. He said by the time he got to 8th grade he was big enough to chase them away.
Howard asked if he had a nemesis in grade school. Tony said he had a bully kid in grade school and he would get picked on by that kid. He said they eventually fought and he beat the shit out of he kid. He said that was it after that.
Tony also wrestled so Howard asked him about that. Tony said you can be in the best shape ever and go out there thinking you're in good shape and you feel like you're dying. He said it's the hardest thing ever. Howard said you have to starve yourself to get your weight down. Tony said he'd just eat and wrestle whoever he had to wrestle. He became the state champion doing that. Tony said he went to a small school and he was the first state champion out of there. He said there have been some since he got out.
Howard asked Tony about his father beating him with a belt when he was a kid. Tony said that helped keep them well behaved. Howard asked if he does that kind of thing with his kids. Tony said he's not a ''time out'' kind of guy. He said he coaches little kids and he doesn't put up with that kind of stuff. He said he tells the parents that the time out thing doesn't work. He said you can't beat those kids but you can intimidate them. Tony said he can make them nervous and the parents need to understand that. He said you have to be the boss.
Howard asked if the beatings he got were bad. Tony said they were an ass whopping. Howard said his mom would hit him with a hanger. Tony said that's what he's talking about. He said he said no to his dad once and his dad chased him up the stairs when he ran away. He said he slammed the door and his father's arm came right through the door. He said he was grabbing for him. He said his mom was screaming. He said his dad never fixed the door either. He said that he had to put posters over the hole in the door.
Howard asked about Tony getting an ear ring. Tony said his dad was cool for the most part. He said that it was all about respect. He said his dad saw the ear ring in his ear and he would sit across from him at the dinner table. Tony said his mom noticed the ear ring and asked if he was out of his mind. Then his father was eating and not making eye contact. Then his dad told him that he had an hour to get it out of his ear before he ripped it out. Tony said he was about 16-17 when that happened. He said he took it out instead of making a stand.
Tony said his dad was the best. Howard said he died in his arms. Howard said that's pretty traumatic. Tony said it really is.
Tony told Howard that he's been married for 17 years and he's been with his girl for 28 years. He said he was away from her for a while so he did date a few girls. He said that he hasn't had a lot of other women though. Tony said ''thank god for the internet.'' He said he has heard about things like YouPorn. Howard asked if he locks himself in his bathroom. Tony said he just walks around the house.
Howard asked Tony if he ever asks his wife for a free pass or anything. Tony said his wife is the greatest. He said the sex is tremendous.
Howard asked more about his dad. Tony said that this was on July 10th and they were going to get his wife a present. He said he and his dad had a beer together. He said his dad told him he should get a restaurant when he gets older. He said his dad did that later in live. He said his dad died at the age of 48 from a massive heart attack. Howard asked Tony how old he is. Tony said he's 45 now. Tony said that he doesn't really worry about it himself. He said that every day since then has been a great day for him. He said his dad was a smoker and he didn't eat very healthy.
Howard asked what happened that day his dad died. Tony said he had a great day out with his dad and that night he heard his mother screaming so he went in and saw his dad having trouble breathing. He said he wasn't able to talk and they just held him while they waited for the ambulance to show up. He said it seemed like a month before they got there. He said that his dad was looking at him and he saw him take that last gasp before he died. Howard asked if he was angry at him for not taking care of himself better. Tony said that he is kind of now but not really. He said his dad was at every one of his games while he was around.
Tony said the tough thing was telling everyone that his dad had died. He said that he had to do it even though he has an older brother. He said that he had to put it on his shoulders and do it himself. Howard asked if he told his dad he loves him before he died. Tony said of course he did.
Howard asked Tony about his bad knees and asked if he had them from an early age. Tony said he blew one out in college and he rehabbed that for a year. Then he blew out the other one later on and had a cadaver ligament put in there. Howard asked if that freaks him out that he has that in there. Tony said it does and it really freaked him out back then because the AIDS scare was big back then. Howard said it gave him back a career though. Tony said it really did.
Howard asked Tony if the knee thing was a problem when he was looking to get drafted. Tony said that they knew about the knees. He said that they were all waiting for him to get drafted and days and days went by. He said he wasn't assured that he was going to be drafted but he thought something would happen. He said nothing happened. He said that his brothers got more pissed off than he did. He said he just focused in. Howard asked what he would have done if he hadn't gotten into the NFL. Tony said that his family has a construction business so he could have gotten into that.
Howard said it must be tough to go through something like that. Tony said he sat down with his brothers and his agent and they looked for where he could go. He said he was told to try Indianapolis and he had no idea where that even was. Tony said he had something to prove and he went out and got signed. He said he was paid 85 grand so he was the lowest paid player in the league. Tony said the doctor told him he'd never be able to play with his knees the way they were. He said that he had to go full speed and just went bananas. Tony said that he was doing everything on the team that he could. He said he could kick and long snap and all of this other stuff. He said he didn't know how to long snap so he had to go out that night and practice. He was on the phone with someone who was coaching him on how to do it. Tony said he practiced that night and then went out and tried it for the team the next day. Tony said that there were like 4 guys out there and he turned out to be pretty good at it.
Howard asked Tony if his knees bothered him. Tony said he never let anyone see the pain. He said his knees would swell up at times and he'd have them drained. He said he never let anyone see that though.
Howard asked Tony if he ever thought that he couldn't keep doing it. Tony said he had too many people counting on him. He said he still has pain in the knees. He said that when you're a football player you kind of enjoy the pain. He said he could stitch himself up if he got a cut or something. Howard said that's what Beth is like. He said she was an athlete too so she could do that kind of thing.
Howard asked Tony about signing for 85 grand and if he got a signing bonus. Tony said he got a grand for the signing bonus. He said it wasn't much. Tony said that he went out drinking that night with some buddies. He said he drank that grand away.
Tony said that he had to go out and prove himself because no one drafted him. He said he had to show them what he could do.
Howard asked Tony about the game now and the concussions that guys get. Tony said his short term memory is shot from all of that. Tony said he forgets what stories he has in his book. He said if he's on the sideline of a game he'll forget what's going on there. He said he needs some help during the game.
Howard said Tony took a shot once and he lost the ability to walk for a while. Tony said they were playing the Redskins at the time. He said they were staying in Baltimore. He said his stomach was killing him while they were in the hotel. He said he went to get x-rayed. He said that it turns out he was constipated. He said they told him that he could take a laxative or get an enema. Tony said he had a game in 4 hours so he wanted the enema. He said they don't travel with enemas. Tony said he was in the room with a bunch of guys and then the trainer comes over with a saline bag. They had to find a hose to put in there. Tony said he was looking for a little thin hose but they had a garden hose. He said an intern doctor came in and was ready to shove the hose in there. Tony said he was going to do that himself. Tony said he was trying to get it in there and then one of the other players came in and told him to hold it in as long as he can. Tony said the pain was excruciating. He said he eventually sat down on the toilet and let it flow. He said he looked in the toilet and the water was clear. He said nothing came out. Tony told the trainer that nothing came out. The doctor told him that maybe he didn't squeeze enough in. Tony said he had to take another one.
Tony said he was telling this story to a bunch of people and they're all cracking up. Tony said he shoved another hose in there and had more fluids shoved in there. Tony said the pain was really bad because he was still constipated. He said he was ready to kill the guy who kept telling him to hold it in as long as he could. Tony said he sat down on the toilet again and let it flow. He said he looked in the toilet hoping to see just a little nugget at the least. Tony said he looked in there and there was like one little Raisenette.
Tony said he thought he was going to be able to play even with this thing not working. He said he saw that they had some carpet tape there. He said it's double sided tape. He said he got a bunch of pieces and taped his ass cheeks together hoping he wouldn't shit his pants during the game. Tony said he got to his locker and the pants were white. He said it was his worst nightmare. He said he'd have to quit if he shit his pants.
Tony said he told the coaches not to roll him over if they saw him laying on the ground for any reason. He said that they had to get him more white pants and not roll him over. He said he had never shit his pants before. Tony said that he was on the toilet for like an hour and he shit so much that it almost flushed itself. Tony said his legs were numb. Tony said the next week he told that story and everyone was laughing. He said they played the Tennessee Titans and they had a fullback who was a tough kid. He said they were on the 15 yard line and it was 3rd and 1. He said he put his head down and got smacked on the top of his head. He said that it felt like getting hit on the funny bone but that was from his neck down. He said that he kept telling them to get off of him but no one was on him. He said they put a neck brace on him and took him out of the game. Tony said he wasn't able to move anything. He said that his brother was there and he thought he was paralyzed.
Tony said he was scared like he's never been scared before. Tony said he had a gun in his mouth and he wasn't that scared. Tony said everyone was real quiet around him. He said they put him on the gurney and took him out of there. Tony said he got in the tunnel and someone yelled ''He ain't hurt, he just shit his pants!'' Tony said that he was really hurt though. Tony said they brought him into a room and he was just able to start moving his hand. He said that he felt weak but he had to go back out on the field. He said if he didn't get back out there he'd never play again.
Tony said they brought him to get an MRI at the hospital. He said they found that his spinal cord was bruised but he'd be okay. He said his brother was crying asking him not to go back out. Tony said that he had to go back though. He said he got back out there but he felt very weak just like your arm does when you hit your funny bone. Tony said he was a totally different person after that hit. He said he got back out there and the crowd was like ''what the hell?'' Tony said that he went back in and played the rest of the game. He said it wasn't the greatest ever but he finished the game.
Howard asked if he gets angry at the kickers since they don't have to go through what he had to go through. Tony said he would get angry. He said that the kickers would come out and pull a groin muscle or something. He said he once locked a kicker in the bus bathroom when he missed a kick. He said they're all out there getting beat up.
Howard asked Tony about the restaurant he had that was called Tiffany's. He had to change the name to Tiff's after the Tiffany's company sued him. Tony said they're doing fine with the restaurant now.
Howard asked Tony about the way guys play now and if he went out there to hurt people on purpose. Tony said he didn't do it to hurt someone. He said that he was just playing the game. Tony said he misses playing the game and he misses the pain. He said he loves that sound of knocking the air out of someone.
Tony said that the tough thing about retiring is that you never get to go back and put the helmet on. He said when he retired that was it. He never put the helmet on again. He said it would be like Howard stopping radio tomorrow and never being able to do it again. Tony said you just can't go back. Howard asked when it's time to retire. Tony said it's when you can't recover from your injuries. Howard asked if he listened to the coaches about that. Tony said he never listened to the coaches. He said he probably could have been able to play for another year or two but he wanted to be able to throw a ball to his sons.
Howard asked Tony about the ring on his finger and if guys worship him over that. Tony showed him the ring and how big it was. Howard said Tony says that your penis grows when you have a Super Bowl ring. Howard said he could feel it growing now. Howard said that ring could fit around his cock and he'd still have room. Howard said Tom Brady has like 4 rings and Tony says that his penis must be two feet long.
Howard asked Tony about the game today and what he thinks about that. Tony said that the game is changing. He said that they don't even need a guy like him anymore.
Howard asked Tony what he thinks about this Sanchez and Tebow thing. Tony said that it's all about competition. He said that's what keeps them on their toes. Tony said that Howard knows what that's like. He said Howard is a competitive guy. Tony said that if someone said that these guys are better than Howard then he's going to want to compete. Tony said that's what this Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow thing is about. He said that it's going to make them want to perform. Robin said that it has happened where they replace guys with their back up.
Howard asked Tony if he hangs out with a lot of other players. Tony said he has his friends from when they played. He said if they asked him to do a favor he'd be there for them. Howard asked Tony if he has a decent sized penis. Tony said he does. Howard asked if there are guys who have small ones. Tony said they have all different sizes. He said there are some that are unbelievably big too. Tony said he goes into the shower and he's seen guys who have such big ones that you wonder if there's enough blood in his body to fill it up. Tony said that he doesn't really remember the biggest one he ever saw.
Howard said Tony shot a bunch of geese with an AK-47 and put one in each locker. Tony said they had fun like that. Howard asked if he killed his pet lizard because he was sick of it shitting and pissing all over the house. Tony said that he didn't kill it. He said they were young guys and they would hang out. He said he bought this lizard that was like 3 feet long and it was like a miniature dinosaur. He said he brought the thing home and the lizard didn't like his buddy Eddie. He said his buddy was watching it for him and the lizard was in the bathroom. He said they had forced hot air and the return was in the floor. The lizard shit in the vent in the floor. He said his buddy put it in the garage because he was sick of it hissing at him. He went out to the garage and found it stiff as a board. He said he went to the pet store to get his money back and they said no way. He said he never did get his money back.
Howard gave Tony a plug for his book and asked why he's doing it now. Tony said he wanted to see how his life pans out. He said he had no idea what he'd be doing. Howard asked if he's worth $6 million. Tony said it might be higher. Howard asked if that's from football or from the restaurant. Tony said he made some good investments. He made some bad ones too but his best was his wife. Howard said he likes that answer.
Howard asked if he ever got offered money to hurt other players. Tony said he never was offered money for that. Howard asked if he can keep the ring. Tony said no. Howard said it is a great ring. Tony said it defines what you've done in life as a football player. He said not every football player has one. He said there are many that never got one.
Howard asked Tony if he can borrow the ring and go to a used car dealer to talk about the time he took an enema. Howard asked Tony if he has ever waxed his hair down there. Tony said he has it done like once every month and a half but not down there. He said he has it done to his nose. He said that you smell things you've never smelled before when you have your nose hair waxed. Tony said he tried Nair once. Howard said they can wax him there and have his whole asshole waxed. Tony said he can't do that.
Howard asked who the best team is out there right now. Tony said there are a bunch. He said he can't pick just one.
Howard asked how often he goes to his restaurant. Tony said he goes there pretty often. He said that they have ribs. Howard said he doesn't eat that. Tony said they have salmon there. He said you have a mangina if you eat salmon though. Howard said he stopped chicken and turkey too. He said he's an animal lover. Tony said fish are animals too. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said they don't seem to have feelings.
Howard asked Tony if he goes hunting. Tony said he used to but he hasn't in a long time. He used to hunt deer. Howard said he could never do that.
Howard asked if Tony put Ex-Lax in the guys stuff once. Tony said that's not the story. He said that they used to have a respect thing going on with the team. He said that they'd have rookies bring in donuts every day. He said they had some Krispy Kreme donuts and the guys would go out and get a donut. He said the general manager would come and take them too. He wasn't a player so he wasn't supposed to. Tony said he knew the PA number so he'd get on there and announce that the donuts were for the players only. He said the GM would get mad of course. Tony said he once took some Paraffin and took all 12 of the donuts and dipped them all in there. He said that it looked like icing. Tony said the GM took 4 donuts with Paraffin on it and he didn't even know it. He said he knew he wouldn't die from that though. He had the shits for like 2 days after that.
Howard asked why he had a gun in his mouth. Tony said he was at college in Pittsburgh and they went out to a bar one night. He said that a fight broke out on the dance floor and he saw his brother on the dance floor. He said that it turns out the guy wasn't his brother but he had started punching guys out. Tony said he was punching and then this girl grabbed his hair so he pushed her away. Then he felt another person grab him so he punched and it turns out it was a girl. Tony said this one guy punched him and he ran after him. The guy was holding a gun when he went out the door. He said the guy told him he was going to die and told him to open his mouth. Tony said he did that and then the guy maced him in the face. He said the cops saw this going on and they arrested the guy. He said his uvula was hanging out of his mouth from being inflamed from the mace. He said it turns out that the guy was a made guy and they had to have a sit down about the whole thing. He said they handled it all on their own. He said it was really scary.
Howard said Goose has said a lot. He said he may have said too much. Howard wrapped up and gave him some more plugs for his book. Howard said he gave him his Super Bowl ring too. Howard told Tony that he benches 95 pounds at the gym. Tony asked if that was on each side. Howard said that's a total of 95. Tony said he used to bench like 425. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
- Gary's Producing - Unknown Date. 11/27/14. 9:25am
Next up today they played a segment where Howard and the guys goofed on Gary about his producing abilities after he booked a DJ accused of rape. They aren't listing dates on the PDT for these specials so I don't have a date for when this first aired.
- Robin's News - Various Dates. 11/27/14. 9:50am
Finally today on the unnamed vacation special they played some Robin's News from various dates. The first segment was Steve Langford talking about Gary getting his Stent removed. There were other news clips from unknown dates.
Howard 100 News, Wrap Up Show, Superfan Roundtable And Pal Pre Previews. 06/11/09. 9:45am
After the break we heard Sal and Richard's infamous ''Mitur Binesderty'' prank call. Fred also played Michael Penn's ''No Myth (Romeo in Black Jeans)'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he loves that song. He said he was talking about it the other day. Fred said he was up there at SIRIUS and performed it there. Howard said he and Michael Penn actually email each other once in a while. Howard said he does movie soundtracks now and he makes good money doing that.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Gary's stent removal. Steve said he was there and Gary came out visibly shaken. He said that Gary looked as they were pulling the stent out of his penis. Howard said that this is a horrible story and it's very disturbing.
Robin asked Steve if he has any emotion when he's doing these stories. Steve said he does but he's not going to come in and be boring.
Steve said High Pitch Eric is $8,400 behind in his rent and he's going to be evicted as early as next Monday. He said Eric ran from him when he tried to get an interview with him at the court yesterday. Howard said the next person that lets him in is going to be screwed in about 18 months. Steve said that Shuli is opening for Jim Breuer this weekend at a couple of comedy gigs.
Robin's News. 06/10/08. 9:50am
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played a song parody for her. That song was ''Black Snatch Fever'' by Richard Christy. Robin was about to start when Howard threw in a plug for the upcoming Baba Booey song parody contest.
Robin started her news with a story about a guy who was grunting too loud in a spin class. That led to the guys doing impressions of the gym grunters and also of that wrestler Golddust whose whole act was based on him having Tourette's. The guys pointed out that he never said anything like a curse word. They goofed on that act for a few minutes. Robin talked about some of the other annoying things that people do in gyms. She had an article about that.
Today's Unnamed Vacation Special was over around 10:15am. There was no Wrap Up Show on this Thanksgiving day.
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