- Friday Replay Show. 12/15/17. 7:00am
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
- ''Sort Of'' & Jeff The Drunk. 12/15/17. 7:00am
First up on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about Nicole Wallace using ''sort of'' too much. Here's my rundown:
Howard Tries To Sort Of Help Nicole Wallace. 12/11/17. 8:15am
After the break Howard came right back and said he invited the panel of guys in to get through some material. Howard said JD has a bunch of stuff. He asked what he has. JD said he has a clip of Nicole Wallace from MSNBC. Howard said he told JD to pull some of those. Howard said he watches MSNBC because it's fun to watch the opposition. He said it's more fun to watch MSNBC now than it is to watch FOX News. Howard said let out a belch. He said that's not something to laugh at.
Howard said he likes Nicole Wallace on MSNBC. He said he feels she's intelligent and has good points of view. He said she has a habit of saying ''sort of'' a lot. He said they say it's like vocal fry and it's sort of annoying. He said if he was her program manager or director he'd ask her to work on this. He said if she can rid herself of this she can be a better broadcaster.
Howard played a clip of Nicole Wallace saying ''sort of'' a lot. Howard said he watches her every day and it's a lot. Howard said there are a lot of people on MSNBC that do the same thing. Howard said there isn't anyone over there doing anything to help them out. He said back in the day they'd be told to knock it off with the ''sort of'' on the air.
Howard said he sent an air check to his dad to listen to and he writing him a scathing letter. Howard said his dad told him to stop with the ''Um'' and he gave it to him good. Howard said it's the same with ''sort of.'' Howard said if his dad heard JD on the air he'd be asking how he can be a professional broadcaster.
Howard played more of Nicole Wallace saying ''sort of'' a lot. He had one clip where she said ''sort of'' four times in 30 seconds. Howard said that's a lot. He said this is a ''sort of'' montage. He played a clip of her saying ''sort of'' a bunch of times.
Howard said he doesn't want notes and letters from fans saying that he does stuff like that. Ronnie said Stephanie says ''stuff like that'' a lot. He said she'll do that 20 times in one story. He said she doesn't even know she's doing it. Howard said Nicole may not even know it. Howard said he's working on his own thing. He said he knows if he does something on the air he'll work on it.
Howard said don't take this personally. He said if he could get in touch with her personally he'd tell her this. He said he can't get in touch so he's doing it on the air. Howard said she's a 6 and he's making her a 10. Sal said she also said ''um'' 11 times. Howard said lets work on one thing at a time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they're criticizing this anchor but Howard says ''like'' every other word. Howard said he knows but he's trying to work on it. He said he's trying to be funny and conversational and he will use the word ''like'' as a crutch. Howard said he doesn't have a great command of the language. He said these people like Nicole are bright people. He said they don't need crutches but he does. The caller said he just wanted to say something about that but he thinks he's great. Howard said he's trying to help Nicole because he watches her every day. Robin said he's saying leave the crutches to him. Howard said he needs that to be funny. He said whatever he's doing is proper.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she agrees with the ''sort of'' because it means you don't believe what you're saying. Howard said you can pause. The caller said they don't believe what they're saying. Howard said you have to talk so fast on these shows that you don't have time to think. Brent said the other people jump in and you can't talk.
Howard took a call from a woman who said this is a female thing. She said it's like vocal fry. She said she says ''I mean'' at the start of a sentence. Howard said he sees a guy on MSNBC who looks really young. Brent said it might be Chris Hayes. Howard said that's it. Howard said he doesn't have beef with Nicole. He said he's just trying to make her better.
Email And Phone Calls. 12/11/17. 8:30am
Howard took a call from a guy who said he would rather hear like, um or anything other than Benjy's stupid fucking voice. Howard said Benjy got a lot of negative email. He said J.B. Smoove got a lot of positive email. He said he is no better than anyone else with the like or um stuff. He said he just wanted to let Nicole know tat she could be better if she to rid of ''sort of.''
Brent said something about breaking the rules with this show. Howard said he's right. Howard said he's excused from this conversation. He said he has to be funny and he can't worry about grammar. He said if he has to worry about that then he's in big trouble.
The caller said he doesn't like Benjy. Howard said he'll read some email about that. Howard said someone wrote in about how they like Benjy when he talks about his personal life. Howard said he was getting shticky on the air with that. Howard said he used to be great coming on the air and talking about dating on those apps. Howard said he doesn't have to do that because he's entitled to his personal life. Robin laughed. Howard said she can't believe that Benjy was having so much sex. Robin said it was crazy that women weren't rejecting him on sight. Howard said they were inviting him in to have sex.
Howard said Benjy said to him one day he wasn't comfortable talking about it so he stopped it. Gary said Benjy's mother got a hold of him. He said he got embarrassed in front of her. He said Benjy used to go to Korean delis and he'd help sweep up and they'd have sex with him because he helped. Howard said he had wild sex stories. He said Memet used to have great stories too. Howard said he'd have a nervous breakdown on the air talking about that. Howard said now no one can find him there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's always using the term ''in the sense that'' when he does celebrity interviews. Howard said he knows that. He said Nicole can keep using ''sort of'' if she wants but he's pointing it out as a viewer who enjoys her program that this could help her out. Howard said she's not the only one doing it either. Howard said Brent said that he is doing comedy there so he can break the rules. Howard said he knows he says things improperly. He said his father did help with the Ums and Ahs. He said it slips in occasionally.
Gary asked if he was bummed out when he got the notes about his air check. Howard said he was. He said it was a 4 page letter. He said his father has perfect handwriting and you know it's him when he writes. He said his note said something about how no one talks like that on the air. Howard said he had a clown comparison. He said that he trains as an acrobat and then he goes on to learn to be a clown. Howard said his dad told him he had to do serious announcing and then he could go be funny.
Howard said his father was right. He said he did straighten him out. He said now he's giving that same gift to Nicole Wallace. Howard did an impression of his dad going off on him. He said he wishes he had saved that note from his dad. He said he'd read it every morning.
Howard took a call from a woman whose phone made it sound like she was in a storm. Fred played some thunder audio. The caller said that Robin uses the term ''meanwhile'' in the news a lot. Robin said she wasn't aware of that. Howard said he didn't notice that either. Howard said they all have a thing they need to work on. Howard said he believes that Nicole is better than he is and she can stop with the ''sort of'' thing. He said she can get rid of it.
Howard said there are plenty of people at MSNBC doing the same thing. Robin said he pointed her out. Howard said he's taking her under his wing. He said he's still trying to help Gary. He said he fought him every step of the way.
Jeff The Drunk Calls In. 12/11/17. 8:45am
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said he does 4.5 hours a day and he has to be able to say that. She asked if Jeff the Drunk is on the line. Howard said he actually is on the line. Mariann said he's a loser. She said she knew he couldn't quit the show.
Gary said all of the Wack Pack turned on him last week. He said he was saying he's the best one and now he has no friends left in the Wack Pack. JD said he said that he's bigger than the Wack Pack. Howard picked up on Jeff who said he is bigger than most of the people in the Wack Pack. He said they're a bunch of idiots. He said he's not a retard and he's not an idiot. Gary asked what his IQ is. Jeff said it's higher than the retards. Gary said it was like a 86. Jeff said it was an 89.
Shuli came in and said that he said that he's the better functioning of the Wack Pack. Shuli said he saw Jeff wasn't on Periscope for a couple of days. He said Jeff cursed him out at first. He said then they went down the laundry list of things he's done that he thinks were more embarrassing than that stuff. Howard said that whole rap about him being embarrassed was bullshit. Howard said there are guys who have sex with him online as women. He said that's the truth and it can happen to anyone. Howard said he can't be embarrassed buy that. Jeff said that him saying that he did this to help him out was bullshit. Howard asked why he's calling in then. Jeff said Shuli told him to. Shuli said he did not. He said Jeff told him he was going to call in on Monday.
Howard said Jeff has it made. He said he has people buying him stuff and following him because of this show. Shuli said that Jeff's toilet broke and his fans helped him out with that. Howard said if he stops talking about him then they're going to go away. Jeff said he never wanted to leave the show. He said it was like Howard punched him in the gut. Howard said bullshit. He said he has guys cat fishing him and he doesn't want to know it. Jeff said he didn't have to do it on the air. Shuli said they have done it over the years many times.
Ronnie said the bottom line is that this guy was jerking off with his cock out for guys. Gary said he's right. He said he doesn't want to see his dick. Shuli said he was proud of that clip of him cumming. Howard said everything he does is on the air. He said that he called him once to check on him but that's like feeding a pigeon. Howard said he wanted to make sure Jeff was fine once. He said that it was him. Jeff said he thought it was Sal. He said he thought it was him fucking with him again.
Howard said here's the tip. No woman wants to see his dick. Jeff asked if Shuli told him about the chick from France. Howard said he gives up on Jeff. He said he has Alec Baldwin there. Jeff said sure, go ahead. Jeff said as soon as he's making a point hie has to go. Robin said so one of the people is a real woman. Shuli said that he said that on the air last week. Jeff said he has to show it. Howard spent another minute with Jeff but said he has to get out of this. He let Jeff go a short time later and did a live commercial read before going to break.
- Ronnie, Benjy & Xmas Party. 12/15/17. 7:35am
Next up on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked to Ronnie and Benjy when they started their Christmas party. Here's my rundown:
The Big Christmas Party Show Begins. 12/13/17. 7:00am
Howard started the show with a Christmas version of ''The Great American Nightmare.'' Howard said that's fun. Robin said she just heard that word in a Christmas song. Howard said they're having fun today. He said they love a Christmas show. He said everyone is there having a good time and no Benjy. Howard said that's Bing Zombie making a special appearance at the Christmas party.
Howard said they have some show today. Robin said look at everybody. Howard said Robin is wearing just a bra top and no panties. Robin said it is Christmas. Robin said she didn't have any Christmas panties. Ronnie asked why she has a lay on. Howard said they have celebrities and Wack Pack there today. He said they have prostate karaoke today too. He said they had a big meeting about it yesterday.
Howard said the guys who are participating in prostate karaoke think Perez Hilton has an advantage in that because he takes it in the ass. Howard said Robin is going to be doing a duet and JD will be joining them.
Howard said over there in the studio is JD who is showing off his spoon collection to Paul McCartney. He had a clip of JD pretending to talk to him. He had fake Caitlyn Jenner audio clips talking to Ronnie. He said this is fun. Robin said this is some party.
Howard said Gary is napping under the Christmas tree. He said he sleeps like a baby. He said he can sleep in the middle of a party. Howard wasn't able to wake him up.
Howard had a clip of Sal eating jizz out of Richard. He said Beetlejuice is working the front door of the party. He said lets listen in. They had some audio of Beetlejuice doing his thing and keeping Seth Rogen from coming in and letting Ashton Kutcher in when he said he was Robin Quivers. Robin said poor Seth got turned away.
Howard said he wants to talk about this election in Alabama. Howard said first of all everyone is excited that the democrat won. He said he squeaked by. He said it should have been zero votes for this guy who allegedly molested teenage girls. Howard said this Doug Jones barely squeaked by. Howard said women were voting for Roy Moore. He said they say 30 percent of the black vote came out. Howard said they must be sick of bailing out white people. Howard said white people will vote for someone who allegedly molested young girls.
Howard said the senate isn't going to let a guy like that in. He said they'd have to do an investigation of the guy. Robin said what they need is a representative who can work in the senate with other senators. Howard said he's not giving them a pat on the back for supporting this guy Roy Moore. Howard said just imagine if he got in.
Robin said the other thing was Roy Moore taking his horse to the polls. Brent said this is a ''fuck you and the horse you rode in on.''
Howard said why not appoint a guy from Saturday Night Live. He said he thought Al Franken was one of the most dedicated guys. He said he was thinking they should get Darrel Hammond or Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell in there. Howard said he doesn't care if they're not from the right state.
Howard said today is all about Christmas. Robin said they all got a Christmas present with Roy Moore not getting voted in. Howard said standards have gone out the window. He said he's glad they don't have to deal with this. Robin said there is no shame.
Howard said Fred Norris is there. He asked if he's drinking. Fred said not today. He said he doesn't drink unless there's a gay guy around. Howard said last time he was drinking at a party he had to report him to H.R.
No One Invited To JD's Wedding. 12/13/17. 7:10am
Howard said Gary woke up. He said Brent and Jason are up. He said JD is there. Howard said they were talking about JD. JD said he bets they were. Howard said he and Jason were talking about JD. Howard asked what's going on with JD's wedding. Jason said there are two rumors and one is that he's not inviting anyone from the show. He said Gary may not be invited. Gary said he thinks he was told that he was going to have a destination wedding and he was invited. Howard asked if he would go. Gary said totally.
Ronnie said he thinks he was disinvited. Howard said that's uninvited. JD said they have just parents and his brother at the wedding and they will have a party with her other family. Howard stopped him. He asked JD if Ronnie isn't invited. Ronnie said that he told him if he's in Vegas he can stop by. JD didn't want the location given out. Howard asked why he's not having anyone there. JD said it was getting too big. He said they wanted to invite family and people there. Howard said no one has been better to JD than Ronnie. JD said he knows. Howard said he guarantees that Ronnie spends more time with JD than his own brother. JD said he agrees.
JD said they had a list and they're working on it. Gary said he understands this whole thing. He said he was invited to one version of it and there were only 20 people. He said then they changed it and he has been uninvited. Howard said he never came to him and told him that. JD said this isn't for over a year. He said they didn't do any save the dates or anything like that.
Ronnie said they did do save the date. Gary said he told everyone the month and year. Gary said that they were kind of planning.
Howard asked if he wants to tell anyone that they're not invited. JD said no one there is invited. He said there was nothing official in the past.
JD said that plans change. Howard said plans change and JD is the change. Gary said if Ronnie and Jon Hein were invited would anyone be upset. JD said yes. He said he thinks Will would be. Howard asked if Jason would care. Jason said he'd like to be there but if it was a small wedding and it was Ronnie and Jon that's fine. He said they are his best friends. JD said he'd like Richard there too. Robin asked how he cut them off at the knees. JD said it's just what happens. He said plans change. Ronnie said he guesses they're not part of the family anymore.
Howard said he got pictures of Ronnie's house and his whole front yard is covered in Christmas crap. He said it's got giant balls and all kinds of inflatable's. Howard said you know the one kook in the neighborhood who has that stuff. Howard said Ronnie is a Jew first of all. Ronnie said his fiancee is catholic. He said that she likes Christmas. He said leave him alone. He has 4 giant inflatables in the yard. Ronnie said he got a dragon to replace Santa who died.
Howard asked what he has exactly. Ronnie said he has the dragon, a sock monkey, a snow globe with Santa inside it. He said he also has a car from the movie Cars there. He said they have the 12 foot dragon that has wings that open and close. He said it screams when it opens. Sal asked who the fuck puts a dragon out there. Ronnie said it's fucking cool. Howard said he wishes everyone could see this. He said it's more than what's going on in Rockefeller center. Howard said if they can post it they will. Howard said it's crazy. Ronnie said his neighbors have more than he does. Jason said he doesn't live on an estate so they're on a front yard smaller than this studio. Howard said it really is. Sal said it looks like a garage sale. Ronnie told him to shut the fuck up. Howard said it's like he's evicted and the garbage is thrown on the front yard. Sal said it's like he's the Sanford and Sons of Christmas.
The guys heard that Ronnie didn't get up on the ladder and had Stephanie do it. Ronnie said he's getting old and he didn't want to fall. He had her put up some lights.
Howard said they have all of this junk on the front lawn and it looks ridiculous. Ronnie said he picked the dragon. Howard said he has a nice house so what is he doing. Ronnie said they like it.
Gary asked when Ronnie's wedding is. Ronnie said they haven't set anything yet. Robin saw the inflatable dragon thing. She asked if it lights up. Ronnie said that's it. Howard said he has to show Robin the picture. He said it's like a carnival that comes to a small town. Robin said it's like an amusement park but it pales in comparison.
Gary said there is no thought to layout. He said they just fill an empty spot. Ronnie said they did think about layout. Sal said the theme was ''real shitty Christmas.'' Ronnie said at least he goes out and helps her unlike Sal and his wife.
Jason said they have the picture if people want to see it. Howard said imagine you're a young couple and you pull all of this money together and you don't know your neighbor is Ronnie. He said next thing you know there's a lunatic out there putting a dragon up. Ronnie said there's a guy on his block who has even more shit than he does. Howard asked if it looks good. Ronnie said it looks nice. He said he has a helicopter with Santa in it. He said he has Mickey Mouse as Santa. Howard said the picture is amazing. Robin said it's incredible.
Howard said he was in a meeting yesterday and he was talking about this new app that will have video. He said the way to kick it off would be a reality show with Ronnie. He said it would be the biggest thing ever. Gary said they could go through the wedding planning and all of that. He said that they don't have a date. Ronnie said they haven't been able to work on it. He said she's very busy. Robin said she bets they're still having sex. Ronnie said it's not so great at the moment.
Howard said he thought the playboy mud flaps on his limo were the tackiest thing he had ever seen. He said now he's seen the tackiest thing. Ronnie said he can take it up with Stephanie. Jason said the picture is up on Twitter @SternShow now. Howard said it doesn't look good. Ronnie said it looks fine. Howard asked if he agrees that his Playboy mud flaps were not cool. Ronnie said at that time a lot of people had stuff on their cars. He said maybe he's not 100 percent right about that.
Gary said that the trees are covered in fake snow. Ronnie said that was from the other day when it snowed. Howard told Gary to go back to sleep. Ronnie said it's real snow. He said there's none there now. Howard said all he knows is that he'd rather live next door to Rand Paul's neighbor.
Jason said you can see the house next door and there isn't one light on the house. Ronnie said they have shit on their lawn too. Howard asked if there's any electricity left over there. Ronnie said there's people with way more shit than he has. Howard asked if anyone has complained in the neighborhood. Ronnie said he gets compliments. He said they said it on their own. Jason said his neighbors have the lights on their house. He said it's a projector that shows lights on your house. Howard said Ronnie doesn't like that. Jason said that he told his neighbor it looks great but that's just what you say.
Sal said ''Hey Ronnie, nice dragon. So festive.'' Howard said the neighbors are wondering who the creepy old guy is. Richard said he should get an inflatable Khaleesi to go with the dragon. Howard said they think he's in a restaurant. Howard said he has big dragons out there. Brent said he's digging that sock monkey. Howard said he should take a break. He said they have so much more Christmas party. He said he has to pay some bills.
Howard asked Jason what he was going to say about JD's tux. Jason said he was going to say he should wait until the last few weeks before the wedding to get fitted. He said his weight fluctuates a lot. Howard said he heard his buttons are popping off his shirt. JD said it didn't pop off. He said it just came through the hole. He said Jason loves to point out how fat he is. JD said he gets extra large when he buys shirts. Jason said he must be 230 or so. JD said he's like 219. Howard had him get on the scale. JD came in at 220. Jason apologized. He said his point is that he shops at the Gap or something and it's big and tall but 2X isn't big enough. He said he should go to DXL or something like that. He said he'd look so much better. JD said he doesn't care, he doesn't go shopping. Robin asked if he wants his clothes to fit. Howard said if he puts money into clothes and then loses weight it's going to be a waste.
Gary said Jason got on the scale and he was at 300 pounds. Jason said he didn't take off his shoes. He said he's like 295. Jason said he's been there for about a year now and it does concern him. Howard said this is a great party today.
Robin asked who is going to the wedding. JD said that the family will be there. He said his mom and dad and brother will be there. Ronnie said he got JD his last fucking suit. He said he can go get his tux by himself. He said he's going to look like shit when he does. JD said he'll be fine.
Howard took a call from Ronnie's neighbor who said he's freaking out his kids with the decorations. He said they're freaking out over that. Ronnie said he can go fuck himself.
Howard took a call from a woman who said everyone on Long Island vomits Christmas on their lawn. She said Ronnie is happy to do it for his fiancee and that makes him a stand up guy. Howard and Gary disagreed. Howard said he only does what he likes. He said if Ronnie didn't like it he wouldn't do it. Howard said he's going along with it because he likes them. Ronnie said there's nothing wrong with them. Howard said he'll put his foot down if he doesn't like it. Ronnie said he does it for Halloween and he doesn't like that. He said they put out shit on Halloween too. The caller said the kids love that stuff. Ronnie doesn't have any kids thoguh. Ronnie said he has Stephanie.
Howard said they have a lot to get to. He said High Pitch Erik is coming in. He said they have prostate karaoke and more conversation to go on.
Holiday Party Discussions. 12/13/17. 7:40am
Howard asked Jason about the upcoming holiday party they're having. He said he heard he had some complaints. Jason said that JD and Ronnie and Jon get a table and they have their own clique there. He said it's like they're lovers and the whole world shuts out. Jason also said you get two extremes of Ronnie at the party. He said he's quiet when he gets there. He said he seems angry when he's there. Howard said he's seen that Ronnie. He said he knows what he's talking about. Ronnie said if he's the other way he gets yelled at. Jason said that's when he gets up there and starts yelling. Ronnie said he's sorry he has a good time and Jason can't get up and dance because he might fall down. Howard said he knows the two Ronnies. Ronnie said there are other cliques there too. He said there are other tables just like that.
Howard said he goes to every table to talk and he sees that going on there. He said it's like you're not wanted there. Robin said she has gone to that table and they take up all of the space so you have to stand there. Gary said he has wanted to make an effort to talk to JD's fiancee but he can't get in the booth. Ronnie said he just wants to get gossip out of her.
Howard said he walks by the cool table there and the last thing he thinks is that it's a cool table. JD said he just gets a seat and sits there. Jason said part of the party is to socialize. JD said he's not like Jason. Jason said that he'd like everyone to introduce their spouses by name. Howard said they're going to have name tags there. Ronnie said Jason will be outside smoking most of the night. Jason said he does do that.
Howard said Ronnie is like the mayor of the party. Ronnie said he is not. JD said when Howard leaves that's when Ronnie comes out.
Jason said that Benjy came up with a great idea to lower the music but every year the party is all about Benjy. He said he shows up late or in costume. He said they saw him just about having sex with a woman during the party one year. He said it's always something with Benjy. Howard said he thought he was well behaved last year. Gary said he was neutered. Howard said he should show up on time. Robin said maybe he has a second job.
Howard asked if Benjy wants to come in and talk about this. Gary said he has some complaints about Benjy too. Gary said at 11:29 yesterday he asked to go into the studio again. He said he told him when he puts up a note saying he wants to go in he has to know what he wants to say. Gary said he knows what Howard is going to say to him at 11:29. Howard said he wants to get out of there around that time.
Howard asked Benjy what's going on. Benjy said he doesn't let him express himself. He said Howard gets angry so quickly that he can't make a point. Howard said he's very red today. Benjy said he has trouble sleeping. Howard told him to get a nap this afternoon. Benjy said he will. Howard asked if he will be late to the party. Benjy said he doesn't think so.
Benjy asked if he can say what he wanted to say yesterday. Howard said it's done. Howard said the fact that he'd support this guy Roy Moore... Benjy cut him off and said he can't talk to him. He said he says mean things to him. Howard said it's the Howard Stern Show and go with the flow or get the fuck out. Benjy said he'll get the fuck out. Howard said his whole face is happed. JD said this is some party. Robin said she's afraid to go to the party.
Howard said Benjy looked like a mess. Fred said he might be stressed over something. Howard said he just started attacking him and he's not sure why. Fred said he could have been in the wind or he's drinking. He said he has some kind of skin condition. Howard said it's like a mood blotch. He said you can read his inner feelings.
Howard had Benjy come back in so he could apologize to him for bringing up his looks. Benjy said he's not that sensitive about that. Howard said this is the worst he's ever seen it. Benjy said he might feel kind of tanrumy because he didn't get enough sleep. Howard asked if he let him sit at the table if his face would calm down. He said maybe when they have their staff party he can come and enjoy everybody. Benjy said he is much more looking forward to it because he gets so anxious about how loud it is. He said he's looking forward to talking to people. Howard asked if he'll go to JD's table. Benjy said he feels awkward going up to a table and talking to people. He said he might just go up and smile and that's awkward too.
Howard asked if he's going to wear normal clothing to the party. Benjy said he feels pressure to dress up but he may just wear what he wears to work. Howard said it's good to see him there. Benjy asked if he can say what he was going to say yesterday. Howard said go ahead and ruin it. Howard said never support a guy who has been accused of molesting a teenager. Benjy said he thinks Howard would vote for Bill Clinton for President if he was up against Ted Cruz. Howard said you have to vote against a guy who has been accused of something so horrifying. He said that you have to walk away. He said imagine the congress and senate have to investigate this guy if he's elected.
Benjy said that he's not answering the question. Howard said if Bill Clinton molested teenagers he would not vote for him. Benjy asked if he had Ted Cruz and Bill Clinton to vote for and his vote was the last one, who would he vote for. Howard said he'd vote for Ted Cruz.
Jason said this is what he hates about Benjy. He said this is a hypothetical situation and it's not like this Roy Moore thing. Benjy said if he was in Alabama he would have voted for the libertarian. Howard said that these rubes in Alabama decided to take up with this Roy Moore because of Steve Bannon. Benjy said that they have a lot of lies about Steve Bannon. Benjy said he could go through the stuff they say about Steve Bannon and prove them wrong. Howard asked what kind of Christmas party this is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's time to get rid of Benjy. He asked how he puts up a fight about this Roy Moore guy. He said it's over and it's time to move on. He said he brings nothing to the show. He told Benjy to move on. Howard said this party is getting violent.
Gary said he heard Benjy is dating again but he said he's not going to put a lot of effort into it. Benjy asked why he would even say that. Gary said that was the quote that was given to him. Benjy said he thinks they're talking about apps. He said if you swipe them then you get matched up. Howard said he heard he won't date outside his neighborhood. Benjy said he is staying close.
Benjy said he went on a date with someone very famous in New York. He said she didn't know who he was. Gary asked who he is. Sal said no one knows who he is. Benjy said he doesn't think that she knew who he was and people do know who he is. Howard asked if they hit it off. Benjy said they had a nice dinner. Howard asked if he paid. Benjy said he probably paid. He said he normally does pay. He said if it's just zero chemistry and she insists on paying he'll let her. He said he normally pays though. He said he did pay for this. He thinks.
Howard said Benjy has a big dinner. Benjy said not when he's on a date. Howard asked if it was Uma Thurman. Benjy said not that famous. He said it's along those lines. He said she was moving and he helped her move. He said her friend recognized him and wanted pictures. He said he was carrying couches for her. He said that was it. Howard asked if she dumped him after that. Benjy said he texted her and that was it. He said he was done after that. Benjy said he thought it was more about being out there for the move. He said she might have been trying to find guys for the move.
Howard asked if there were other guys there. Benjy said he heard there were other guys coming but they didn't show up. Howard said maybe the friend told her about who he was. Benjy said it was a guy friend.
Benjy said he can look good in pictures but then he shows up and doesn't look like them. Benjy said he gives them a talk before hand. Howard asked if that was the only date he has been on. Benjy said no but this one Howard would be interested in. He said here are a lot of famous women on these apps. He said he's seen Chelsea Handler on there. He said he's seen Whitney and the Millionaire Matchmaker. Robin said she thought she was in a relationship. Brent said he thinks she's single.
Benjy said he sees a lot of people they know on the apps too. Howard said Beth has gone on to see who is on her friend's apps.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they have to remove Benjy from the studio. Fred said ''you're making me redder!'' as Benjy. Howard said he hears her. Howard said who cares and hung up on her. Howard said he can't listen to everyone.
Howard said the big celebrity app is this Rhea app. He said Benjy has to get on there. Howard said Memet was rejected from that app. Benjy said he has to have a certain number of followers. Benjy said something about swiping but Howard cut him off and said he has to take a break. He went to break a short time later.
- High Pitch Erik & Donnie Wahlberg. 12/15/17. 8:40am
Next up on today's replay show they played a segment where High Pitch Erik got to squeeze Donnie Wahlberg's ass. Here's my rundown:
More Christmas Party Bits. 12/13/17. 8:10am
After the break they had Evil Dave announcing who they have coming up on today's Christmas show. They also played a phony phone call the guys made where they had Gary the conqueror and Big Foot talking to each other. They played Beck's ''Loser'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he loves this Christmas show. Robin said it's so nice to see everyone together at the end of the year. Howard said he's looking over the party and sees Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert there together. Howard said they have to listen in. He played a bit the guys did for them where they sang a song together about how they all get along. In the bit the guys all went to key James Corden's car.
Howard said they're good guys. Robin said they're still going out and partying together. Howard said you can hear they're not as non competitive as they claim to be.
Howard said they are going to reveal a mystery guest that Robin is going to duet with. Robin said this year she's going to have Adam Levine duet with her. Howard said merry Christmas to Adam. He played a bit where they did a song together. Adam and Robin sang ''Baby It's Cold Outside'' together.
Howard said Robin and Adam were great at that. He said he sees Whitney Cummings there. He said hi to her and Evil Dave was approaching her. Howard played another bit where Whitney and Dave talked. Dave was talking about his Netflix special and said that High Pitch Erik is part of it for sweeps.
Howard said Whitney is leaving. Robin said they have people running people away from their party.
High Pitch Erik Returns. 12/13/17. 8:15am
Howard said High Pitch Erik has been on the show for 20 years now. Howard said in February of 2016 he weighed 413 pounds. He said this year he got gastric sleeve surgery and he has 15 percent of his stomach left now. Howard said they sent Shuli along with Erik to the hospital to find out what was going on. Howard said Erik got he gastric sleeve and he was going to have Shuli in for this but he's on his way over to do the Prostate Karaoke thing.
Howard said he has some clips to play. Howard played one where Erik was talking about what he was eating just a week before he had the surgery. He had peanut butter pancakes and there were 3 of them. He said he had just one order. He said they had peanut butter on top. He had a list of things he put on top of the pancakes. He said he knows he has to stop and he's prepared for that.
Howard said they tell you to slow down on your eating. He said Erik was eating like he was on death row. He said it was like his last meal. Howard said the whole thing is ridiculous.
Howard said they were concerned he wasn't going to survive so they asked what he would leave to Howard Stern. In the clip Erik said he would leave Howard his Playstation 4 so he can play games when he's off. He said he'd leave his TV, computers, phone, cigars and his Flat Ronnie too. Howard said beautiful. Robin said he's going to rake in the mother lode.
Howard said Erik was worried about the anesthesia and he asked for potato chips to help him. Howard played a clip and Shuli was talking about that with Erik. Erik asked what if they over do it like they did with Michael Jackson. Shuli said he'll be fine. He asked for a potato chip but Shuli said no. Robin said you can't eat before an operation. Howard said Erik was going to have just a little piece.
Howard said High Pitch Erik was about to have his operation and he started to freak out. Howard said things got so bad that when they did the IV injection he was acting like a baby. Howard played a clip of Erik screaming and saying ''Ouch!'' Shuli was telling him to relax. Erik asked them to take it out.
Howard played another clip where Shuli was telling Erik that before he knows it the surgery will be over. Erik was wondering how he'll know if he's breathing under anesthesia. Shuli told him not to worry about it. He said if he doesn't wake up he won't have to worry. Erik said that's his major concern. He said he might not wake up. Howard said they should tell Erik he died.
Howard said that's a weird thing. He wondered how he'd know if he was breathing. Robin said he's all over the map. Howard said imagine what was going on in that hospital. He asked what his IQ is. Robin said it was in the 80s. Howard said he has no idea what's happening.
Howard said Shuli asked Erik what he had to say before he went into surgery. Erik had a whole list of food he wanted. Howard said Erik's IQ is 66. Fred said he's an imbecile.
Howard said you can still gain weight even after this surgery. Howard said they asked Erik how he handled the anesthesia. Howard said first he'll play the post surgery thoughts. Howard said as soon as he was in speaking condition Shuli spoke to him. Erik was shocked that his chicken soup filled him up. Howard played a clip and Erik said he felt very sore and he has stomach cramps. He said he ate some soup and he's full. He said it was just chicken broth soup. Shuli asked if he had ever been full like that before. Erik said he's going to be losing weight now. He said he won't have to overeat like he used to. Howard said he could eat through the sleeve. Robin said if you try you can grow another stomach. Howard said he's sure he has broken his diet.
Howard said they asked Erik how he handled the anesthesia. Erik said he didn't even smell the mask. He said he just breathed and he was out. He said he was in recovery after that.
Howard said Erik's friend Nikki was there and she had to help him go to the bathroom. Howard said he wasn't able to shit that day but the next day he did. Howard played a clip of Erik talking about Nikki helping him out with the gown and wiping the seat down. He said she had to dry his lips and eyes off. He didn't know why they were wet. Erik said he had to try to go number 2 but he just passed gas. Howard said this friend Nikki is some friend.
Howard said it's time to bring High Pitch Erik in. He said he looks the same. Erik came in and Robin said he hasn't lost a pound. Erik said he has. Howard had him get on the scale. He came in at 344 and he was 370 before he went in. Erik said he lost 40-50 pounds. Howard had to do the math to figure that out. He said that it's more like 26 pounds.
Howard said a week before he was actually 396. Erik said they weighed him there. Howard said he actually did lose more than that. Howard asked how much he lost. He figured it was 50. Erik said yeah. Howard said it's like throwing a chair off the titanic. He said he's still large but losing. Erik said he feels great. Howard asked Erik if he's sticking to the diet or is he eating terribly. Erik said he's sticking to the diet.
Howard asked Erik what he had yesterday. Erik said he had yogurt, whole wheat bread and peanut butter. Howard asked if that fills him. Erik said he had a protein shake too. Robin said he's going to eat through that sleeve. Erik said he has to have that shake. Howard said that shake should be enough.
Howard asked what he had exactly. Erik said he had the toast and protein shake. Then he skipped lunch and had dinner at 7 o'clock. Howard asked if that's what they tell him to do. Erik said he ''improfised.'' Howard said he doesn't know if he's doing this right. Erik said he had barbecue chicken for diner. He said it's high in protein. Howard said there's a lot of calories in that. Erik said he had half last night. He said he saved the rest for tonight. Howard said he was full after eating half apiece of chicken. Erik said he was. He said he can have mashed potatoes too. He said he had a little bit of that with the chicken. He said he gets it from the diner. Howard asked if his bowel movements have changed. Erik said they got smaller and he feels so much better now.
Howard said he did get him a present for Christmas. Howard said he can sit down for this. Howard said he got him this gift for all of this stuff he's gone through. Howard said Erik was really worried about the anesthesia.
Howard said it's time for his big surprise. He asked Erik what he really wants. Erik said maybe a trip. He asked where he wants to go. Erik said Vegas. Howard asked what's better than a trip to Vegas. Erik said a Macbook Pro. Howard asked what's better than that. Erik said an iPhone X. Howard asked what's better than all of that. He said maybe his greatest fantasy is going to come true. He said Mr. Donnie Wahlberg is there and he gets to grab his ass. Erik said ''Oh my god!'' Howard had Donnie come in after that. Howard said this is big. Donnie said he can see the weight loss in his face. He said from the shoulders down it might not show though. Howard said Donnie is a big star and he's got a hit show with Blue Bloods on CBS. Howard said he's on top of the world. He said he gives back. Donnie said he loves to give back.
Howard said Erik has jerked off to Donnie and he thinks he's Jenny McCarthy when he does it. Howard asked Erik if he would blow him if he was Jenny. Erik said that's right. Donnie said he doesn't give back that much. Howard said Erik is staring at him like he's a pizza. Erik said he's a great sport. Donnie said Erik a very lovable guy. He said that guy Benjy is scary. He said that Erik is a sweet soul. Howard said the Wahlberg boys grew up macho in Boston and they are top notch entertainers. Donnie said he was less macho than the rest. He said the other guys were stealing cars and he was in a boy band.
Howard asked if he's uptight letting Erik grab his ass cheeks. Donnie said he thinks Erik proved himself in the bathroom when he met him in there. He said he was in the urinal next to him and he gave him a note about being on Blue Bloods. He said he didn't do anything inappropriate with him. He said he didn't make him uncomfortable at all. Howard said his brand is important though. Donnie said he doesn't think about that. He said he thinks about what it could do for the world.
Howard said Erik is turning beet red over this. Erik said he was on the set of Blue Bloods on a White Castle day. Donnie said that's on Wednesday. He said he always treats the background and crew to lunch. Erik said he asked him if he wanted white Castle and he said no. He said he was on a clear liquid diet. He said he turned it down. Howard said that's a fascinating story.
Howard asked Erik about what's about to happen. He said he gets to squeeze Donnie's ass. Howard asked if he will cum in his pants. Erik said maybe. Howard asked if this is unbelievable. Erik said yeah. Howard said Donnie skipped the children's hospital this year to do this.
Howard asked Erik if he wants some music on when he does this. He said he wants to negotiate this so they're all prepared. Erik said he would like him to back into him. He wanted to go on the couch but Howard said no to that. Howard asked if he wants him to look him in the eye. Erik said he would. Howard said he has to talk to Donnie about this now. He said that he can't have any insertion here.
Howard said that Erik is going to take both hands and grab both cheeks. Erik said he's going to use severe force. Howard said they have to ask Donnie what he wants. Howard asked Erik what he imagines his cheeks will feel like. Erik said he thinks they're solid and muscular. Erik said he works out. Donnie said he does a little bit. He said he's on his feet a lot. He said he's caught him peeking at his but on the set of Blue Bloods.
Howard asked Erik if he has 30 seconds to do this will he get a boner. Erik said he might. Donnie said lets hope not. Howard asked if he'd cum spontaneously. Erik said he could. He said he has a Donnie poster over his bed. He said he looks at it for a couple of minutes before he goes to bed. He said he talks to it and says ''Good night baby.'' Howard asked if he has jerked off since his surgery. Erik said he hasn't yet. He said this is a dream come true today.
Howard asked if Jenny knows he's doing this. Donnie said that Gary saw her in the hallway and she initiated this. He said that things are going good with Jenny. He said that it's amazing. He said they work at their marriage and it gets better all the time. Robin said she must be very secure with him to let him come in there.
Howard said Erik has a Donnie doll and he likes to remove the clothing. Erik confirmed that. Howard asked if he would rather have the real Donnie hanging on his wall. Erik said he would and he could stick him up there with tape.
Howard asked Donnie what he'd like. Donnie said the 30 seconds might be too long. He said it's longer than you expect. He said he'd like to have a nice touch instead of hard clutching. Erik asked what kind of music. Howard said they can have some music playing. Donnie said Christmas music might be nice. He said this is turning very sexual. Howard played a song parody about Donnie's buttocks that they had made for this segment.
Howard told Donnie that he can just back away from Erik when he feels he has to get away. That's if he can actually get out of his hands. Erik said he can stand. Donnie said he can sit if he wants to. Donnie asked Erik if it looks okay. Erik said it does. Donnie said that he's not looking him in the eyes. Erik was grabbing him by the hips. Donnie said it's not that bad actually. Howard asked Erik what it feels like. Erik said it's very soft. Donnie said it's very bizarre right now. Howard asked if he can smell his breath. Donnie said it's not as bad as he thought it was.
Jason said Erik's bottom lip is trembling. Erik said he's fine. Donnie asked why he wanted all of that other stuff instead of him. Erik was grabbing his butt and Donnie said it's a little weird now. Jason said they're a minute in now. Donnie said it's not so bad. He said he's not enjoying it but his palms are sweating. Howard said Erik would do this forever if he could. Erik asked Donnie what he's doing today. Donnie said he's going to go home and shower. He said Erik is a little hippy. Erik stopped. Erik said that was great. Howard said he thinks he has a boner. Erik said he doesn't know. Donnie said he tapped his hand and he let go like a gentleman.
Howard said everyone must watch Blue Bloods. He said he's a good guy. Erik said it's on Friday nights at 10pm. He said he plays a detective on the show. Howard asked Erik if he has anything to say. Erik thanked Howard for doing this. He thanked Donnie for doing this too. Howard said this is the true meaning of the season. Donnie said for Erik it's the least he can do. Robin asked if it's truly better to give than receive. Donnie said he's not sure about that. He said he was tempted to kiss him on the cheek but he thinks maybe next year he'll do that.
Howard asked what Donnie's ass is on a scale of 10. Erik gave him a 10. He said it's muscular. He said that in his deep voice. Howard said Donnie made a young boy's dream come true. He said maybe Erik stands a chance if he and Jenny break up. Donnie said they'll have to see about that. He said he thinks they'll be together forever. Howard said this has been a spectacular party. Donnie said he'd like to hang out and mingle with the guests. Howard said this is a gross and repulsive Christmas miracle.
Erik got in a plug for a podcast he's doing on the Gonzo Shitcock podcast network. He also got in a plug for Mattress Firm who got him a new bed.
Howard said Erik can jerk off thinking about this tonight. Erik said he waits until Friday to do that. He jerks off to Blue Bloods. Howard asked Donnie if he knew he was going to be doing this when he got the Blue Bloods show. Donnie said no sir. He said he feels more Christmassy than he did before he got there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is the best radio ever. He said he can't tell the difference between Donnie and Ike Barinholtz but this was great. Howard said it only gets better when they do prostate karaoke. Donnie said he feels like he just had his checked. Howard went to break after that.
- Prostate Karaoke Preview. 12/15/17. 9:30am
Next up on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard previewed the Prostate Karaoke segment. Here's my rundown:
Prostate Karaoke With Dr. Fisch - Part 1. 12/13/17. 9:05am
After the break Howard came right back and said that was great with High Pitch Erik's dream come true. Robin said he had his eyes closed. Howard said it was really creepy. He said he had his eyes shut and he almost turned into a woman. Robin said he was rubbing and kneading his butt. Howard said he's gotten to know the guy and he's very nice to come in and do that. He said he's secure in his sexuality to let him do that. Robin said it went on for over a minute. Howard said he made sure no fingers went in his asshole. Robin said Erik started a conversation to keep Donnie from knowing what was going on.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult is there serving hors d'oeuvres from her diaper. He had some audio of Wendy talking about shitting. Howard said there's no loud music at the party.
Hoar said it was nice of Donnie not to throw up during that segment. He said Tan Mom is about to pass out in the egg nog. He played a clip of her doing that. They had her talking and then she just falls into the egg nog. Howard said that's his favorite moment.
Howard played a clip of Benjy, Sarah Silverman and Jeff the Vomit guy talking. Benjy showed Sarah his dick which made her throw up and then Jeff thanked her for her vomit. Howard said that was amazing. Robin asked what's going on. Howard explained what just happened.
Howard said that they're going to go to Prostate Karaoke now. Howard had Gary on the line and asked what's going on over there. Gary said they're all jammed in there with Mediated Pete, Elephant Boy, Shuli and Dr. Fisch. He said this probe they have is like the size of two Sharpies.
Howard asked Perez Hilton if he has an advantage because he's taken things in the ass before. Perez said he's not a fan of that so he's on equal ground. Howard said that Chris Booker corrected him last night saying that Perez is a top so he doesn't have that advantage. Perez asked how they're being judged. Howard said he'll set it up.
Howard said Dr. Harry Fisch is their go to Urologist. Howard said he's not fucking around. Howard said he thinks that his prostate hasn't been properly checked. Howard said his doctor uses a finger. Dr. Fisch said that this checks the actual size and it can see if it's growing into the bladder or side to side. Gary interrupted and said that Perez just saw the probe. Perez said this is really big. He said it's bigger than two Sharpies. He said it's huge.
Howard asked what the circumference is. Perez said it's at least 4 inches. Shuli said it's like the size of a curling iron.
Howard asked Mediated Pete how he's doing. Pete said he's ready to go. Gary said Brent is having a near panic attack over this. Brent said he's just really worried. He said this thing is the size of a dildo. He said it's way bigger than a Sharpie. He said they're all in a small office too so they can see what's going on. Howard asked if anyone is worried about cumming. Perez said he's worried about shitting himself. Dr. Fisch said that they'll be very comfortable with the condom on it. He said that it's a female condom.
Howard said that this is the first time Brent is ever doing this. He said Perez has never had anything this big up his ass. Howard asked Pete if he's ever been probed. Pete said this is his first time. Howard asked what age men should start doing this. Dr. Fisch said 40-50 people should start. He said that Brent is really freaking out about this. He said he's starting to sweat. Gary said Brent was talking about how nervous he was all the way over there. Dr. Fisch said it's not that complicated so they can do this.
Shuli said he had this exam and Brent has every right to be scared shitless. He said he thought he was going to shit all over this room when he did this. Howard asked if they have cleaned their assholes out. Brent said he wiped extra this morning. He didn't douche thoguh. Perez said he didn't either. Howard asked if anyone has one in the chamber. Gary said he would say that he doesn't know what the odor is going to be when Elephant Boy drops his pants.
Howard asked Elephant Boy if he has ever had his prostate examined. Elephant Boy said he did with a probe. Howard asked if he enjoyed it. Elephant Boy said it was discomforting. Dr. Fisch said it's just a little discomfort. He said it won't hurt. Howard asked what Elephant Boy will be singing. He said Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
Howard said that they're all going to sing a holiday song while they get probed. Howard said they've got it all. Howard said they have more coming on today's show too. He said that Dr. Fisch is going to probe the guys and they'll sing and then they'll judge the singing. Howard said they have Robin, Fred, Sal, Richard and Ronnie to judge. Howard said he'll bring those guys in. He said while they do that they'll play the Prostate Karaoke theme song.
Howard said Richard has been through this before. Richard said it's like shitting backwards. Howard said Sal won last year. He said Ronnie won't have this done to him. Robin said last year Howard wanted to go with the funniest but the rest of them were going with the person who could sing the longest without breaking. Richard said he's going with whoever makes him laugh the most. Howard said he's not sure what he's looking for. He said he's going to judge based on whatever hits him. Richard said if someone shits they get bonus points from him.
Howard said they're ready to go over there. Dr. Fisch said they're ready. Howard said they're going to take a break and then get to it. Howard said Medicated Pete will be up first. He's singing ''Santa Claus is Coming to Town.'' Howard said they're looking for the person who has ''it'' and they're not sure what ''it'' is. Howard went to break after that.
- Xmas Prostate Karaoke. 12/15/17. 9:55am
Next up on today's replay show they played the continuation of the Prostate Karaoke segment. Here's my rundown:
Prostate Karaoke - Part 2. 12/13/17. 9:25am
After the break Howard came right back and said lets get back to it. They had an intro from Mariann from Brooklyn for the Prostate Karaoke. Robin said this is the first contestant. Howard asked Gary what the scene is there. Gary said they were standing in the hallway and some patients walked by. He said there are 11 of them in there now. He said Medicated Pete has his ass out and he's so nervous. He said his ticks are so bad that the paper is flapping like a flat in a hurricane.
Howard gave Dr. Fisch a plug and spent a minute talking to him about the female condom they're using for this thing. Dr. Fisch said gay men use it for anal sex too. He said that it's made out of nitrile and the sensation is maintained. He said they don't use latex for this.
Howard said they have Pete on the table and Perez Hilton is standing by. He said he seems super competitive. Howard said it sounds like this is what an orgy sounds like when they're trying to get going.
Shuli said that Pete is trying to chub up for some reason. Gary said he's acting strange even for him. He said he has this smile on his face and the paper is going back and forth. Shuli said he spread his cheeks and here is mud on the field. He said he missed a streak. Shuli told him to pop it open real quick. Pete did it and the guys let out a moan. Howard asked Dr. Fisch what's going to happen. Dr. Fisch said there is some mud down there but just a little bit. Howard said he knew he was going to be doing this. Pete said he thought he cleaned up. He said he shit this morning. He said he showered after. He said he thought he did a thorough job. Howard said he knew he was coming to see him and he'd be laying there. He said you should shower out your asshole. Dr. Fisch said he looks like he's about to cry. Pete said he's actually laughing. Howard asked if this is the dirtiest one he's ever seen. Dr. Fisch said he can't say. Gary said they have a pad down just for Pete on that table. He said it is a weewee pad.
Howard said he wants to say something as a judge. He said he's giving him 2 extra points for the dirty asshole. Howard said this is the intro for Medicated Pete. He played that and it said he's singing ''Santa Claus is Coming to Town.'' Gary said Pete is going to start to sing and then the probe will go in. Howard said they're all listening. Howard had them start the song. Pete started singing and then he started singing higher. The guys weren't saying anything. Howard asked if it's in there. Gary said he didn't change at all. Richard said he must have been practicing. Howard said it seems like it's not bothering him. Pete said he can feel it. Gary said now it's out. Howard asked if there's doody all over the place. Gary just laughed. Pete said it was just different. He said he didn't know what the fuck was going on. Dr. Fisch said his prostate is good. He said nothing looked abnormal. He said he took it like a champ too. Howard asked if there's any doody there. Dr. Fisch said he did very well. Howard asked if Pete has ever had a dick in his ass. Pete said no.
Howard went to Ronnie who gave him a 2. He said he was too normal. He said he didn't sound like he got anything up his ass. Sal was next and he said he's giving him a 4. Richard gave him a 3. He said he had shit on his ass so he gave him extra. Fred gave him a 2 and Robin gave him a 4. Robin said he had mud in the chamber but nothing else. Howard said he could never keep his voice steady like that. He said he gave him 2 points for the mud. He said he thinks Pete has had something back there but Pete says he has not. Howard said he gives everyone 2 points just for pulling their pants down. Howard said he's giving Pete a 5.
Howard said that their next person is up and he played an intro for Shuli. He was singing ''Oh Hanukkah Oh Hanukkah.'' Howard asked if he's ready. Shuli said he is. Robin asked Shuli not to start acting. Howard said they can tell. Shuli said he's not going to act. He said that probe was so far up his ass that he can't believe nothing changed. Howard said they can spot a phony. He said Pete's reaction was not normal. Sal said he has had his checked and it hurt every time. He said that this can't be his first time. Howard asked if Perez was shocked. Perez said this is awkward and uncomfortable. He said he screamed when it went into Pete. He said he's not turned on by this at all. He said his penis has shriveled up and gone inside him. Howard asked what he thinks of Pete's dick. Perez said he didn't look. He said he's traumatized. He said Shuli has a nice ass thoguh. Shuli thanked him for that.
Shuli said he feels one in the chamber. He said he did shit this morning but he feels another one in there. Howard said that's fine. He said he might get extra points. Howard had him start. Shuli started to sing and then the probe went in and he started letting out some screams. Shuli said he's going to shit right now. He asked if he put 2 in there. Shuli wasn't having a good time. Howard said that's the noise he makes when he gets probed. Dr. Fisch said Shuli went down in size from last year. He said he looks healthier and he's not sure what he's doing. Shuli said it's smoking weed. He said that's what he'd do. Howard said he didn't know he could do that. Dr. Fisch said that he has some calcifications in there but it's better than it was last year. Robin said very nice Shuli.
Howard said that's the reaction he was expecting. Shuli said it felt like it was going and going when it came out. He said he thought he was going to shit. He said he may have a little bit. Dr. Fisch said he was clean as a whistle.
Howard asked Ronnie for his score. Ronnie gave Shuli a 7. Sal did too. Richard gave him a 6. Robin gave him a 7. Fred gave him a 9. Howard said he's with Fred with a 9.
Howard played the intro for Brent who is going to be singing ''You're a Mean one Mr. Grinch.'' Brent has never had this done on him. Robin said he had the hair removal done. Howard said Shuli is clearly in the lead. Gary said Brent has a giant birth mark on his butt cheek in the shape of an anvil. Brent said he's lucky to have 10 toes and fingers. Shuli said Brent is so nervous. He said he talked him into doing this and he's pale white. He said he has a look on his face like he's going to be executed. Howard asked if he cleaned up for this. Brent said he just cleaned and washed real good this morning. Howard said this is good to get checked. Ronnie said that he's so nervous that they're going to have an issue pushing that thing in. Howard asked Dr. Fisch if that's true. Dr. Fisch said that it does. He said that they are using a lot of lube and the condom so it makes it easier on them. Gary said the lube is dripping off the probe. Sal told Gary to spit on his asshole.
Howard asked who has the hairiest ass so far. He said it was Shuli. Howard had them start after that. Brent started his song and when the probe went in he started groaning and grunting the song. He let out some screams too. He let out a big scream when it came out. Dr. Fisch said he has a 22 gram prostate and he has some calcifications in there. He said he did great though. He said it's not intruding into the bladder and they saw no cancer.
Howard said they have to stop making it easy and stop using lube. Howard said Brent was going wild. Brent said it was terrible. Gary said he was tearing up. Howard went to Richard for a score. Richard gave Brent a 10. Sal gave Brent a 10 as well. Ronnie gave him a score of 10 too. Robin gave him a 10 and Fred gave him a 8. Howard gave him a 9. He said he's reserving the 10 for the perfect one.
Howard said it's time for the next person. They played an intro for Elephant Boy. He's singing ''Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.'' Howard said Elephant Boy had an accident in his pants on the subway once. He asked Dr. Fisch if he sees any doody there. Dr. Fisch said he doesn't see anything. Shuli said that seems to be the cleanest part of Elephant Boy. Howard asked Elephant Boy when he had any human contact with another person. Elephant Boy said it's been years. Howard said he might not even feel this thing. He said he's had some ass play. Elephant Boy said once or twice in the past. Howard said in a way Perez and Elephant Boy have the advantage. He said they have had some experience back there. Howard had them start the song. Elephant Boy started singing and when the probe went in he started to sing off a bit more off than he already was. After the probe was done they pulled out and Gary let Howard know. Howard said he thinks he was singing in Korean. Robin said he thinks he put shit in the song. Howard said he heard that. Dr. Fisch said he has a 40 gram prostate but it's not intruding into the bladder. He said that he has no cancer or anything. Gary said he's going to vomit. He said they gave him a thing to clean his ass with and it's fucking brown. Gary said it's disgusting. Howard asked what happened. Gary said now he has it in his hand. Howard asked what happened. Dr. Fisch said his hygiene is a little off. Gary said he was finished and he got a paper towel and it went in and disappeared. then it was brown. Howard said they call that a dirty bomb. Howard asked what happened. Gary said he ran to the bathroom to wash his hands.
Howard asked Perez what he's thinking. Perez said that while all of these exams have been going on there's picture taking. He said he's not a diva but he would like it if they didn't take any photos with this probe up his ass. Howard said he's fine with that.
Elephant Boy came back in and said ''fuck you'' and walked out. Gary said he just left. Gary said they pointed out that he had shit in his ass. Howard called him back. Elephant Boy said he bathes and he took a shit and he washed his ass. He said he doesn't understand what happened. Howard said when he went for his colonoscopy he had some brown puddle under him too. Richard said his points could go up from this. Howard said he did a good job. Elephant Boy thanked them for that. Howard said he bets that Perez's socks could end up brown too. Howard said Robin has shit her pants too. It's no big deal. Gary said he's calm now. Sal told Gary to wipe him down. Elephant Boy said he doesn't care.
Howard asked for the scores for Elephant Boy. Ronnie gave him 2 points for the shit and 2 for understanding the song. He said the total is going to be a 5. Howard said Sal is next. Sal gave him a 6. Richard gave Elephant Boy a 7. Robin gave him an 8. Fred gave Elephant Boy a 7. Howard said he's giving him an 8. He said no one has given out a big glob of shit so far. Howard said he gave him extra for that. Elephant Boy said he's going to sue Dr. Fisch for raping him after this. Howard said how nice that this is going so well.
Howard said Brent is in the lead with 57 points right now. Howard said it's time for the next contestant. He played an intro for Perez Hilton. He will be singing ''All I Want for Christmas is You.'' Perez said he's at a loss for words. He said that's unusual for him. He said he feels so vulnerable. Howard gave him a plug for PerezHilton.com and said he did the Benjy fingering thing. Perez said he's nervous. He said this probe is big. He said he's nervous and his ass is hanging out. Howard said there's one asshole between him and victory. Howard asked if this is the biggest thing he's had in his asshole. Perez said it is. Howard said he is a power top and not a bottom. He said he has not taken anything like this in his ass. Howard asked how that asshole looks. Dr. Fisch said he's ready to go. He said he's all red in the face. He said he wins the day for the most nervous. He said he's more nervous than Brent. Perez said this has been very odd and uncomfortable. Shuli told him to man up and take it in the ass.
Howard had them start the song. Perez was singing and then the probe went in and he started making odd noises. He wasn't able to sing for a few seconds. He started up again but then stopped. He said that thing is still in there. Perez lost focus and wasn't able to sing anymore. He asked where he is in the song. Howard laughed. They finished up and Howard said a star is born. He said they're calling that Benjy's Revenge. Howard said he didn't think he'd get that thrown off by it. Perez said it moves around and he has so many emotions. Robin said she feels like she was on the trip with Dr. Fisch. Dr. Fisch said he is at 15 grams and a lot of gay men have anal sex and get infections but this shows nothing. He said his prostate is in the best shape of everyone in there. Perez said that he had some brown back there and he went on this airline that had all you can eat snacks and he had snack after snack. He said he's poo'd twice today already. Howard asked if Gary saw the brown. Gary said he did not. Perez said he hid it. Gary said he has a very hairy ass too. Perez said he does.
Howard went to the judges for the final vote. Ronnie gave him an 8. Sal gave Perez a score of 9 and Richard gave him a 7. Robin gave him a score of 10. Fred gave him a 10 and Howard gave him a 10 as well because he was very entertaining. Howard said he laughed as hard as he did with Brent. Howard said that he has to wait for Jon Hein to add up the scores. Howard said that the prostate karaoke king is... He said Pete came in last, Elephant Boy was second, Shuli was in third and the person coming in second is Perez Hilton and Brent came in first. Howard asked how he's feeling. Brent said he's fantastic. Howard said they all did a good job today. Howard thanked Dr. Fisch for doing this. He gave him some plugs for the app Hey Doctor. Dr. Fisch said you can find out more at FemaleCondom.com too. He said if you're scared of prostate cancer don't be.
Howard said he would like all of the contestants to kiss on the lips now. Howard said Dr. Fisch says prostate exams make great holiday gifts as well. Howard gave Perez a plug for his web site and then had James Cargill singing a song about Prostate Karaoke. They went to break after that.
- Ronnie's Dragon & JDini. 12/15/17. 10:40am
Next up on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked to Ronnie about his inflatable dragon and had JDini give some predictions. Here's my rundown:
More With JD, Jason, Sal, Richard And Ronnie. 12/13/17. 10:20am
After the break they played Ronnie reading a Christmas story. They played Rihanna's ''Diamonds'' too.
Howard came back and said this is Robin's song. He said he likes the way Robin sings it. Robin sang with it a little bit. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they have to get back to this party. He said it's been some morning so far. Howard said hi to JD and said it's always fascinating to talk to him. Howard said he thinks he has to try a larger shirt. JD said he's going to go over and sit at his table. Howard said hi to Ronnie too. Howard said he can talk to him. Sal said hi to Howard. Howard said hi to Richard and Jason as well. Howard said Richard cant bring his wife. Richard said she wants him to bring a doggy bag home. Howard said go ahead and do that. Howard said the wives end up getting resentful when they can't go. Sal said ''Oh yeah.'' He said you have to come home with a bad back and sigh when you get home. He said you have to act like it was the worst day ever. Howard said Richard has to start doing that. Richard said it's hard for him to hide when he had a good time. Howard said he's going to realize she feels bad so he has to squash his good times. Richard said they'll trade off. He said he'll have his other wife there too. He said that's Sal.
Howard asked Ronnie how that Dragon is on his lawn. Ronnie said it's great. He said he got it for 149.95. Jason thought it was 300 bucks. Howard said he didn't know it makes noise. Ronnie said it squeals.
Howard said he wishes Shuli was there. He took a call from Ralph who said the Ronnie thing sounds awful. He hadn't seen the picture yet. He asked if he has one of those white trash lawns. Howard said yes. He said it looks like a tag sale is going on in his yard. Ronnie said Jenny and Donnie have more going on than he does. He said they wanted to come in and defend him. Sal said he's sure it was tastefully done. He said they don't have a dragon. Howard said Ronnie has a car and a snow globe. Howard asked what else he has. Ronnie said it's a Sock Monkey. Howard told Ralph to take a look at it.
Howard asked if the kids think he's an elf or something. Ronnie said no. Howard said he should sand there as an elf with his junk. Ralph was waiting to check the picture. He said his computer isn't going fast.
Howard asked Ralph what he had to say. Ralph said Brent was great but Perez was the winner. He said that you knew what he was going through. He said he also had the best prostate. Robin said she gave him the most points she could. Fred did too.
Ralph saw Ronnie's yard. He said it's awful. Ronnie said okay Ralph. Ralph said you can't even see the house with the crap in the way. Howard said look at that. Ralph asked why a dragon. Ronnie said he likes it. Robin said all of the colors are clashing with each other. Ralph said how about that bad snow globe. He said it's just thrown in there. Ronnie said it is not. Ralph said it is.
Sal asked if they put that shit away. Ronnie said it folds up into the box. Ralph asked if that's a big glut of lights in there. Ronnie said they're in the bushes. He said you can see the house just fine. Howard said it's so bad. Ralph said it's awful he wants to go out and fix it. Howard said it's a fire hazard. Ralph said it's an eye sore too. Howard said imagine you buy your first house and you end up next to that. Howard said you're next door to a junk yard. Fred kept playing a clip of Ronnie making the dragon sound through this conversation.
Jason said when Ronnie is pissed he repeats everything you say and that's what he's doing now. Howard asked if the garbage men come and want to throw it all in the trash. Ronnie said yeah, that's what they do. Howard said this is like if Christmas took a shit on your lawn.
Ralph asked what the Santa thing is on the side. Ronnie said that's the Sock Monkey. He said he doesn't like that one. He likes the car. Ralph said he can't see that one. Ronnie said it's kind of hidden in there.
Ralph said he loves that they have nothing to do with Christmas in there. Ronnie said that it wasn't his idea.
Howard said what's funny to him is that somewhere in the world kids are trying to get out of a country and Ronnie is here spending money on Christmas ornaments on his lawn. Howard said that it's a great country. Ronnie said he's trying to make his fiancee happy. Ralph asked if he had any thought about where they put stuff. Ronnie said they did and they changed the way they had it set up. Ralph asked if this was the best scenario. Ronnie said the dragon was in front of the house and he had to move it because you couldn't see the house. Howard said once they get the app up and running they have to do a documentary about Ronnie. Ronnie said they have to be in the house while Stephanie puts the tree up. He said he supervises. He said she gets so pissed.
Howard said he should dig a hole in his front yard and bury all of that shit. Ronnie said there's always next year.
Ralph asked if Robin can sing live at the holiday party. Howard said they're having a nice quiet party this year. He said they're going to wear name tags and they have all of this new stuff going on. Howard said Ralph always shows up late. He said he won't be there on time. Ralph said he'll be there by 7:30. He said he's going to check in with Howard like a time clock. Howard said he saw him at the dinner the one year. They didn't see him show up. Ralph said he makes a b-line for the shrimp. He said he's back in that corner.
Jason said there are new people and the new people always want to go watch Gary eat the shrimp. Howard said it's like watching a shredding machine. Howard said he said to Richard it's like watching a show at Sea World. He said that the poor shrimp had to lose his life for Gary. He said Gary just wants to be near the shrimp. He said he really loves shrimp. Jason said he gets into the crab legs too. Howard said the chef was tossing them into his mouth like a trainer at Sea World.
Jason said Gary brought in a bunch of shrimp in a plastic bag. Howard said he heard a story that Gary got a free platter of shrimp at a restaurant because everyone knows he likes shrimp. Howard said they're having so much fun at this party today. Ralph said he thinks that Pete might have done that before. Howard asked what he's talking about. Ralph said he didn't flinch when he got the probe.
Howard said about 15 minutes ago he said Gary did a good job with the play by play and now they're goofing on him. Sal said Merry Christmas monkey. Howard said within 5 minutes they're all catching a shit storm. They called it the house of bullies. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
JDini's End Of The Year Predictions. 12/13/17. 10:40am
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she loves Ronnie's passion in life. She said she's going to start with Howard and end with him. She said she's going to keep on keeping on. Howard said alright and hung up on her.
Howard said now they can get some predictions from JDini the great prognosticator. Howard said he hates that voice he puts on. JD said he does too. Howard said JDini is a foreseer and a diviner. He said he's a 4 eyed foreseer with a Buddha belly.
Howard said he predicts this is going to suck. JDini said he thinks that was one of the predictions already. Howard kept going with the introduction and giving JDini names. Howard said he is a man who is off the market too. He said he's a great predictor. He was going on and on with the names for JDini. JDini said any time now. He said this is like a roast. Howard said he's an extra large medium and an obese oracle.
Howard asked JDini what his first prediction is. JDini said Steve Gutenberg will become the largest star in America again after every other actor touches a boob. Howard said every actor will be accused of something and Steve will be the only one left. JDini said it was something like that.
Howard asked for another prediction. JDini said he predicts that Scott the Engineer will retire to Florida and a category 20 hurricane will destroy the whole state. Howard and the guys got a laugh out of that one.
JDini predicted that Scott the Engineer will also release his own fragrance called Depression. Howard said go with another one. He didn't like that one. JDini said in addition to espresso Starbucks comes up with a drink for Scott called Depresso. Richard said he should be getting probed while he does this. JDini said he won't be doing that. Howard said JD is unable to read.
Howard said look who's back. Brent returned to the studio. Gary said he has known Elephant Boy for 30 years and he was so angry. He said he was so surprised. Howard said he just had an accident. Gary said everyone wiped but Elephant Boy grabbed it like a baseball and it came out and it was a big brown snowball. He said they talked about it and he got so angry. He said they calmed him down and left it in a good place. Gary said he can't not report what happened.
Howard said Gary is so terrible. Robin said he crapped his pants and went to a public event once thoguh.
Howard said Shuli had a good performance today. Shuli said that Pete was all over the place over there. He said he has never seen Fred the Elephant Boy so mad before. He said he was so pissed at Gary. He said he was saying he's not his punching bag. Gary said they had to chase him down and bring him back.
Howard said they're in the middle of a JDini bit. Gary said he heard that whole conversation about the shrimp. Gary said that refrigerator is his. He said Jason said it's not. Gary said it's the office refrigerator for the 3 people who work in that office. Jason said he had 2 things of unopened artificial crab and some sauces in there. Gary said he's sorry he pissed Jason off in between one of his three lunches. Gary said he brings that stuff in for the week.
Howard said he has more predictions from JDini. Howard asked what he has. JDini said a caller will say Howard is bashing Trump and then a caller will say he's sucking his dick and then Bobo will call and no one will give a shit.
JDini said he can leave if he wants. Howard said he'll be out of there in a minute. JDini predicted that Richard's new baby will become potty trained and that will leave just one person in the Christy household who will wear diapers.
JDini predicted that the minister at Ronnie and Stephanie's wedding will asked if there's anyone who does not object.
Jason said that he skipped a joke about himself. JDini said he was told to skip it. He said he'll go back for Jason though. JDini said a crazed man trying to get into the White House will run into Melania trying to get out.
Howard had more names for JDini and JDini went to his last prediction. JDini said he has 5 left. Howard told him to pick the best one. JDini said he's going to the last one. Howard said go ahead. JDini said that OJ Simpson tracks down the killer. Just kidding, he stabs a bunch of blond hotties. He said Apple will develop an iPhone that cures cancer and Gary calls it a bit of a misstep. Howard said that was okay. Robin wanted one more. She said she wants to end on a high note. JDini said that this is the last time they'll hear from the great JDini. He said that's the last one.
Howard said this was some show today. He said they had so many things going on today. Howard said this didn't go so well though. Howard said no wonder JDini sits by himself at the Christmas party.
Howard asked Jason what he said about Shuli. Jason said if he shows up alone he is party Shuli but if he comes with his wife he sits at a table by himself. Howard asked what's up with that. Shuli said that he does socialize and he's not sure what he's talking about. Jason said he mingles and sees what's going on out there.
Howard said Shuli came over to talk to him one year and he got goofed on for that. Howard said no one wants to sit with him. Shuli said he went up to get food and Howard asked him to sit with him. Howard said The Lump never comes over to talk to him. He asked him to come in. The Lump (Mike Trainor) came in. Robin said he looks like he belongs on Ronnie's lawn. Ronnie cracked up at that. The Lump said he didn't expect to come in the studio today. He was wearing an ugly sweater. Howard said he never says hello to him. The Lump said he talks to him a little bit.
Howard asked The Lump how it is now that Jeff the Drunk has quit the show. The Lump said he's in search of a new person to be a lump on. He said he could be Ralph's berry.
Howard said he wants to wish a merry Christmas to the Angry Political Guy. He had the fake Angry Political Guy come in for a couple of minutes. Fake Angry Political Guy was going off on the Jews and things like that.
Howard said Donnie Enos is there too. He had that guy come in to say a few words. Howard spent a minute taking to him. He played one of his bits where he goes out on the street to interview people.
Howard sang a Christmas song about all of the guys in the studio. He said his favorite guy of all mumbles his way through his day and watches TV. He was singing about JD. He got JD all upset talking about how he's going to talk to him at the party and how he's always going to help him. Howard said one of his buttons just shot off his shirt and almost hit Robin in the eye.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to let them know that this is the best Christmas special he's ever heard. Robin said she knows Gwen Stefani had a special but it wasn't this fun. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said there's nothing better than a live commercial read during a Christmas special. He said he has another one to do.
Phone Calls And Robin's Closing Performance. 12/13/17. 11:05am
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a mail man and he gets tips and presents. He asked if Howard gives a tip. Howard said of course he does. Robin said she thought they weren't supposed to take gifts. Gary said you can't give them cash. He said he does. Howard said he does too. He said he always has. Howard asked what kind of tips he gets. The caller said he gets 20 or so at the most. Gary said he gives 60-80. He said he has to do that because he sees him.
Jason said he gave the guy at the garage more than Gary did. Gary said he gave him a dollar more than he did. The caller asked if he has a game to play. Howard said Robin has to do one number before they wrap up. He said they're not doing a game today. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said as they close up they're going to have Robin do a number. Howard said she's going to sing ''DO You Hear What I Hear.'' Howard said Benjy is upset with Gary for trashing him. Howard said he might just be trying to get into the studio. Benjy came in and Howard asked if he's really angry. Benjy said he is. He said Jason is such a liar. He said that he doesn't make a scene at the party every year. He said Howard jokes about him being a fucking asshole. Howard said he has worn weird outfits to be noticed. Benjy asked so what. He said he dressed up for a Christmas party 6 years ago. He said they have said he dresses weird every year. Howard said get Benjy out of here.
Gary wanted to ask him a question. He asked Benjy if he had sex at the party in front of employees. Benjy said he has had sex in front of Howard. He said that was over a decade ago. He said he was at a party. He said he wouldn't deny that. He said he wasn't fingering her. He said that's a lie. He said he would admit it if he did.
Howard said fair enough. He said take Benjy for his word. He said Merry Christmas to Benjy. Benjy said Happy Hanukkah. Ronnie said the truth is that he was fingering that girl that year. He took that back a short time later. Robin said maybe they shouldn't have a party. Howard said as they end the year he has to say he's grateful to the staff. He said Benjy is red like a strawberry. He said he's grateful to everyone there. Howard said he's grateful for the job and being able to entertain the masses. Robin said it's the most fun she can have. She said she loves everyone no matter what she says.
Howard said starting next week they're playing the best of 2017 for two weeks. Howard said enjoy that.
Howard said he's going to call on Robin to do her number to close this out. Howard said don't run out because they want to comment on her performance. Howard played her singing ''Do You Hear What I Hear.'' The guys were all laughing at the awful singing. Fred played breaking glass as she was singing high notes.
Howard said lest anyone think that a probe was involved in that it was not. Howard said dogs are barking and glass is breaking. Robin said they said something happened to the equipment. She said when she hit some of those notes the lights went out. Richard said they went through 4 microphones. Howard said that's the end of all of this. He went around the room asking the guys for some thoughts. Brent started to go into a long thing that Howard cut right off. Howard let the guys say a few words before they ended the show.
Howard asked Sal why he didn't do the secret Santa. Sal said he wasn't' the only one. Sal said he and Richard didn't do it and Memet didn't either. Howard said that they're not participating. Gary said Sal said funds are tight. Howard said he doesn't have to put a lot into it. Sal said he'd rather give it to someone he knows. Richard said he gave gifts to a lot of people. Howard said just do it. Richard said he didn't know people would be bummed out. Howard said they don't look at anything but themselves.
Howard asked Brent if he has the lube in his ass. Brent said they used a lot and he can still feel it. Gary said it was a lot.
Howard asked Benjy if he wants to say something. Benjy said he has two things. Howard told him to do it quick. Benjy started to go into a long talk about Robin saying something nice about Howard and how he wants her to say something about him. Howard gave up on him and moved on to Fred. Fred said ''Peace and love, peace and love.'' Richard said he skipped him. Richard thanked the fans for the nice cards about his son.
Howard asked if Benjy can keep it short. Benjy started to go on and on again about how much Howard cares so much about the show. He said he stopped to talk to everyone in the office and he felt so warmed by that. Howard said he looks forward to talking to everyone at the party too.
Howard went to Robin who thanked everyone there for what they do every day of the year. Robin thanked the fans who listen too. Benjy threw something in about the audience too. Howard said very good. He said he's grateful to everyone and the audience.
Today's show was over around 11:35am.