- Angry Ronnie. 10/26/16. 7:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A song parody about JD jerking off to webcam girls, Train performing a cover of Led Zeppelin's ''Heartbreaker / Living Loving Maid (She's Just a Woman)'' in the Howard Stern Show studio, Ronnie Mund singing ''The Great American Nightmare.''
Howard started the show talking about Ronnie singing the opening theme song. Howard said he's never heard anything like that. Howard said Ronnie told him he likes Bon Jovi and Cher. He said he thinks he missed the Beatles thing. He said he's going to be 67 on Friday. He said he was probably into Elvis and Neil Diamond and people like that. Howard said if you were older than he is then you might have missed out on the rock stuff. Howard said it was like Fabian, Connie Francis, Glen Miller, Frankie Avalon and stuff like that.
Howard said Ronnie is 67 on Friday. He said it's a big one for him. Howard played a clip of Ronnie moaning to the Happy Birthday song.
Howard said he made the mistake of asking Ronnie a question this morning on the drive in. He said Ronnie yelled ''It's up to you!'' when he asked. Howard said Jason asked if he pays him. He said yeah. Howard said Ronnie has some personality. He said he even grunts at the door man at the building. Howard said Ronnie is like Newt Gingrich. He said he went off on Megyn Kelly. He said Megyn was saying ''if Trump is a sexual predator'' and Newt went off on her like she said something wrong. Howard said Ronnie is like that. He said he freaks out if you ask anything. Howard said he loves the guy but he hears things like people are attacking him. Robin said he does answer in an angry sounding voice if you say good morning and he says ''Good afternoon!''
Howard played a clip of Megyn Kelly and Newt Gingrich talking about the Trump sexual predator thing. Newt said he's sick of people using terminology they don't know is true or not. The two of them argued over that for a short time. Howard said she's so hot. He said imagine being in a relationship with her. Howard said she'd win every argument.
Howard said he's wondered if she's good in bed. He said if they did sleep together they could get into some light spanking. He said he'd be the one getting spanked though.
- Benjy Shows Up Late Again. 10/26/16. 7:05am
Benjy showed up late. Howard asked if he's back to showing up late. He said there's another guy showing up late too so they may have to fire that guy too. Howard said this isn't fair to the rest of the staff. Howard asked what happened. Benjy said he just completely fucked up. He said it took about 15 more minutes than usual. He said he overslept. He said he woke up but then he... Howard said he's a fucking maniac. He said he has no idea. Howard said he was never late. Howard said he had 4 alarm clocks. Howard said he's so motivated. He said he doesn't understand being late.
Robin said she used to take a wind up clock across the room so she had to get up to turn it off. Howard said people are so disappointing. Howard said this says that he's not that important to the show. Howard said if Fred didn't show up he'd have no opening.
Howard said he had to sit someone else down and talk to them about showing up late. Howard said this is so why he didn't want to be in management or being the Howard Stern Show. Howard said he did America's Got Talent and he was just a player in the organization. He said he loved not being in charge. Howard said he had to just show up and do the job. He said he showed up on time there.
Gary said one of the things that they said they would do is have Benjy write from the other room if he showed up late again. Howard said he has to either just fire him or stop talking about it. Howard said it's the same thing with the other guy. Howard said he won't embarrass that person. Howard said he feels like the abused wife in this relationship. He said they fix it for a couple of months and then they start showing up late again. Howard said this isn't even embarrassing to Benjy. Benjy said it is. Howard said if it was he wouldn't do it. Benjy said he's wrong.
Howard said people who drink hit rock bottom eventually and they stop drinking. He said Benjy will hit rock bottom when he gets fired. Howard said he will wonder what the fuck he did. He said he'll realize he had it made there. Benjy said he knows. Howard said he's going to think he's an idiot when he realizes he only had to get up early 3 days a week.
Howard said if Benjy felt shitty about this he'd stop showing up late. Gary said he watches him come in every morning at 3 of or 5 of. He's cutting it close every day. Gary said he wanted to tell him to start coming in at quarter of. Howard said Benjy will say he can't sleep and he'll be tired if he shows up. Howard said he only has to work 4 hours a day. He said he's not asked to do anything but show up. Howard said he has the easiest job on the station. He said he wishes he had to go out and get a real job. He said he'd beg him to come back to suck his dick.
Howard said ask the people who have left the show about what it's like. It's not pretty. Howard said a lot of them are near a nervous breakdown. Howard asked how he is coming in late. Howard said he knows he wants him to fire him. He said he wishes he could see life differently.
Howard said he has to think about this. He said it might be time to part company. He said the other person showing up late is learning this from Benjy. Howard asked what he should do. Robin said she's listening to Fred playing the Jeopardy music.
Howard said this guy fucks him every time. He said he can't be in the studio anymore. He said if he wasn't in there he wouldn't get sidetracked when he shows up. Howard said he wouldn't have to deal with that if he wasn't in there. Howard said he could show up late and everyone else would know but not him. He said he's going to put this in the hands of Marci and Jeremy. Howard said he's moving toward that now. Howard said they're moving so he's got separation between him and the business. Howard said those two are handling that stuff. Howard said Jeremy is the senior executive and Marci is like the COO. Howard said Jeremy is like the senior executive type. Howard said Benjy has too much access to him. He said if they deal with him then he doesn't have to be involved.
Howard said he's bowing out of the Benjy business. Howard said he can't be in the studio after today. He said he's spending the whole show on him. He said he loves Benjy on a personal level but he's embarrassed him so many times he's going to let management handle it. Benjy said that's more than fair.
Howard took a call from Benjy from the future. Benjy from the future was begging for 2 dollars. He said he's sick of sucking dick for money. Howard said he must weigh 7 pounds now. He spent a minute with that Benjy and real Benjy said he thought that was his real voice for a minute. Howard said everyone blames him when they leave there too. He said that they think he's so mean. Howard said he's a sucker and a good guy. He said he wants to give people work. Howard said he's a good person. He said it's not fair to people who do come in on time. Howard said maybe Robin should show up whenever she wants. Howard said he doesn't want to have this discussion on the air. He said it's fucked up.
Howard said he's not the boss there. He said he's not running things. He said he wants to come in late. He said he can't because he's conscientious. Robin said they showed up to work once and the door was locked. Robin said Howard refused to leave. Howard said that's right. He said he could have left but he wouldn't do it because he's being paid. Howard said if he doesn't like what he's being paid then leave. Howard said if he's going to work then show up on time.
Howard said life isn't that complicated. He said if you get paid you show up on time. Howard said when he was a morning man in Detroit he bought 4 alarm clocks to make sure he was up on time to get to work. He said he wasn't going to fuck that job up. He wanted that job so bad that he made sure he did whatever he had to do to show up on time. Howard said you have to have tremendous drive. Robin said if Howard hadn't shown up to do what he did then he wouldn't be where he is today. Robin said he wouldn't have those relationships.
Howard said Benjy is saying something to him psychologically. He said he's asking to be fired and to be paid attention to. Howard said he's taking himself out of the decision. Howard said if Marci and Jeremy decide to fire him then that's it. He doesn't want anything to do with the decision. Howard said alcoholics do this too. He said they need the attention so they keep fucking up. He said it's part of the illness. Robin said some people don't think they're worthy of where they are. Howard said Benjy goes home and makes shit for free on Periscope instead of doing it there. Howard said Jackie used to do that too. He said you have to go do your thing. Howard said he feels he's holding Benjy back from being a star.
Howard said he was in a good mood before this. He said he went out to dinner with Beth's aunt and uncle last night and they like him. He said most people don't like him. He said her uncle was an FBI man. He said he had a great conversation with that guy. Howard said now he's pissed. Howard said he was a top FBI guy. Howard said this is a no nonsense guy, Tom Ostrosky. Howard said Benjy wouldn't last 5 minutes in the military. He said he knows military guys and they're so disciplined. Howard said he knows a guy who would kill himself if he was late.
Howard said Benjy is busy with making Twitter for his dog. Howard said that's what he's up to out there. Howard said he goes out with his wife and she loves him for that. Howard said he ordered too much food and he felt so bloated. Howard said he lost 3 pounds and he may have gained it all back after last night.
Howard said he went to Nobu after not being there in a while. Howard said he started ordering and on top of his usual order he had sushi rolls. He said they brought over dessert and he had Mochi. He said he came home and he was farting like crazy. He said he had to avoid Beth. He said he'll grab his cheeks and spread them so the farts are quiet. Howard said there was no end to the gas. Howard made fart sounds and Fred played some fart sounds.
Robin asked where Beth was. Howard said she had a cat emergency. He said one of the cats was ill so she had to drive it out to Long Island. Howard said he was free to fart after that. Howard said he knew he had to make a doody and it wouldn't come out. He said he had to wait until this morning. He got up early to do that. He said he knew he had to get up early to do that so he could get to work on time. Howard said he didn't make much but he's sure later on it'll be more.
Howard said Benjy isn't going anywhere with his tweets. Howard said these kids have their heads up their asses. He said they want to tweet instead of working. Robin said here are times she doesn't fall asleep until early in the morning. Howard asked who is writing her Twitter account. Robin said they have a lot of medical advice. Howard said it's all hashtag stuff. Howard said they have a bunch of hashtags. He said she'll hashtag in the middle of stuff. Robin said she has people doing that. Howard read some of the stuff they're hashtagging. Howard said one sentence is just a bunch of hashtags.
Howard said last time he was talking to Benjy he said he can't sleep. Robin said she can't sleep but she gets up and goes to work. Howard said he sat Benjy down and lectured him about this. He said he doesn't have to sleep. He said his body will eventually fall asleep. Howard said imagine going to your boss and complaining you can't sleep. Howard said he would never go up to his boss telling them that he can't sleep. He said imagine what a loser he would have been if he did that. Benjy said he didn't do it as a complaint. Howard said he did. Benjy said he didn't. Howard said he told him he was late because he can't sleep. Howard said he told him then don't sleep. Howard said he has to be there 4 hours a day. Benjy said Howard was very nice about it. Howard said he can't do anything else. Benjy said he wasn't late for 5 years before that. Howard said he saw it as a complaint. Howard said it's nothing he would ever admit to his boss. Howard said he'd never say he's late because he can't sleep.
Robin said she's in a lot of pain and she's going through something right now. Benjy asked why she odes this. Benjy said she always does this to him. Howard asked Robin about the pain. Robin said she stepped out during the Bon Jovi thing. Robin said she almost didn't get back to the studio. Robin said she was in pain. Howard asked if it was in the vagine. Robin said no. Robin said she has some effects from her surgery and they cause her problems sometimes. Howard asked where the pain was. He asked if it was in the breasts and asked if she wants him to massage them. Robin said she has told Howard where this pain is. She said she can get it fixed. Robin said she was seeing stars from the pain yesterday. Robin said she was there and on time. Robin said she went to the ladies room and she was in pain but she still made it back to the studio. Howard thanked her for sharing that. Robin said Benjy just can't get out of bed.
Howard said there's a kid in Syria right now whose house was just blown up and he'd die to have a job in America for 4 hours a day 3 days a week. Benjy said he doesn't mean this in a mean way but he'd like to know why she's overweight. Robin said she's still going through things physically. Howard said Benjy is the one who showed up late. Howard said she went through a major life threatening cancer. Howard said she's trying to help Benjy. Benjy said that's not trying to help. He said he can go through pain. Howard said no he can't. Benjy said it's not a conscious thing. Howard said Benjy would say he was in pain if he was there. Robin said she's not making it anyone's issue. Robin said Benjy is.
Howard said Robin's point is that she didn't interrupt the flow of the show. He said she got there on time. Howard said Robin's weight doesn't affect him. He said Benjy showing up late does affect him. Benjy said it's not a conscious thing. Howard said he's saying to him that he's affecting him. He said he's like a smoker.
Howard told Benjy to fuck off. He said he thought he was a bright guy but he's not. Howard said he's not thinking clearly. Howard said now he has to have him in the studio during the break. Benjy said he'll leave the studio. Howard said they do a half hour prep for the show every morning. Howard said at 6:20 they do the meeting. He said he's there every day for that. Howard said Benjy is not there. Howard said he's above it all. He said Benjy is so valuable that he's not there. Howard said he's been through this with people who think they're valuable. Benjy said it's not a conscious thing. Howard said this company can survive without him. Howard said he could be thrown out too.
Robin asked if Benjy is really saying that he's not in control. Benjy said he is. Howard asked how many alarm clocks he has. Benjy said he has 3 but one broke. Howard asked what happened to the other 2. Benjy said one went off. Howard said he's such a liar. He can't even answer the question.
Howard said Benjy just doesn't get it. He said he's within walking distance of work. Howard said maybe when he's fired the rest of the guys who left can all get together. Howard said they can all sit around talking about how they miss their jobs. Howard asked if he should take a break and start the show over again. He said he was in such a good mood. He said they don't have any guests and he was just going to roll with it. He had like 12 pages of material to get to. Robin asked what the point was about Ronnie and asking about a security question. Howard said he doesn't know. He said the plan went out the window when Fuck Head walked in late. Howard said he can't think straight now.
Howard said there's a theory that he shows up late on guest free days so he can be talked about. Howard said the last time he did this there were no guests. Howard said it's almost like it's planned. Howard said it's loserish. Howard said good luck with the Twitter thing. He said Benjy thinks he can start his own show on there. Howard said go ahead and give that a try. Howard said putting together a massive audience is where it's at. Howard said this is how he does it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lost his dream job as a video game tester because he kept showing up late. Howard asked what that job was like. The caller said he would sit here for 8 hours a day testing the game trying to get it to break. He said that's it. Howard asked if he loves video games. The caller said he does. Howard said he was being paid to play video games. The caller said he was paid very well to do it. He said he was making $75-80,000 a year doing that. Howard asked when he was late they probably warned him. The caller said he was warned. He said he was late maybe once a week. Howard said they must have liked him. The caller said his reports were flawless. He said it was great. He said he gave them good feedback and all of that. He said he would show up maybe 15 minutes late or so. Howard asked if they explained it to him why he can't be late. The caller said they did. Howard asked why he thinks he was really late. The caller said he was busy staying out late and being young partying and that stuff. He said he thought he would handle it but he couldn't. Howard asked what he's doing now. The caller said he's a banker working his ass off for half the money. He said he shows up 15-30 minutes before he has to start. He said he never wants to be late again.
Howard asked the caller what he did before he got this job. He asked if he had to suck dick. The caller said he didn't have to do that. He said he was hanging out with Lenny doing that kind of stuff. Howard said Josh had the dream job like big mouth over there. Josh told Benjy to just suck it up and get there on time. Howard did his impression of Benjy and said he can't. Howard said Benjy thinks he's going to have a big career and this job is holding him back.
Howard said Benjy is chronically pissing on him. He said he took the guys out to dinner a few years ago and guess who was late to dinner. He said Benjy is a fuck up and he's not going anywhere.
Gary said someone sent him a note asking if he would show up late to the plane. Howard said he'd show up on time. Gary said Benjy showed up late to fly down to Florida for Bubba's wedding. Howard said he wishes they could have gone without Benjy. He said he would have left him.
Gary said he thinks Howard should let the other people handle Benjy. Howard said he's going to do that so if Benjy isn't there anymore they'll know it wasn't him. Howard said if he wanted this job he'd be there on time. Benjy said it's been twice in 5 years. Howard said it's 2 times too many. Benjy said he's correct.
Howard said if he wasn't in the studio he wouldn't know it. Howard said he's told him not to sit in there. Howard said he's not sure what his game plan is. Benjy said he was going crazy inside himself and he had to numb himself to what was going on. Howard said just get there an hour early. He said he doesn't get it.
Howard asked Josh if he's upset that he doesn't have his job. Josh said he could be sitting around playing games and loving life. Howard said Robin comes in early and Benjy could do that. Howard said Robin gets a jump on her work before the show. Howard said there is a certain amount of prep for the show. Howard said he reads 3 newspapers before the show and then has a meeting at 6:20. He said he's not sure why he's accepting Benjy breezing in a minute before the show. Josh said he should be there at 6:20. Howard said he's just accepting a paycheck.
Howard said he didn't know Robin was in pain yesterday. He said Lenny Dykstra wants to help her out. He picked up and had clips of Lenny talking about how he wanted to go down on her. They spent a minute on that and then let Lenny clips go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this isn't going to go away. He said it's too late for Benjy. He said he's never had a real job and he's never going to change. Howard said Jackie was there and he worked alongside Jackie. He said he's taking it and throwing it all away. Howard said he'll grow up when he's working at Dunkin Donuts. The caller said he's been working since he was like 12 years old. He said Benjy didn't have all of that. Benjy said that's bullshit. He said he had a newspaper route at 10. Howard said the newspaper business is almost bankrupt. He said Benjy probably showed up late to that too.
Howard took a call from a guy who does H.R. for a living. The caller said he has to write a notice of final warning. Howard said they've done that. The caller said he has to say that if he shows up late again he's forfeiting his job. He said they have to suspend him for next week. Howard said that's what he wants. The caller said they can suspend him without pay. Howard said that might work. Howard said they have to treat people like babies. Howard said he'd be so embarrassed if he had to have an H.R. person come to him. He said he should be able to manage himself.
Howard said JD is thinking Benjy has had too many warnings. Howard asked him to come in there and voice his opinions. JD came in and said he loves Benjy and thinks he's hilarious. He said they've done this like 15 times. He said they've done it all and he thinks he has to go. JD said if he was late that many times he'd have to go. Benjy said he knows he did it for years but before this time it was 5 years. JD said it's so many times here. Benjy said that's what he's talking about. He said 5 years ago this happened too. He said he doesn't know why. Howard said he does know why. Benjy said he's not lying intentionally. Howard said he does know why he's late. Benjy said he doesn't. Howard said of course he does. Howard said he does know why he's late and he just doesn't want to admit it. Benjy said he's not sure what he's trying to say. Howard said there is a reason he knows he's late. Howard said he wont share with them but he has a reason.
Howard asked Benjy why he was late. Benjy said he woke up late. Howard said not that. He asked what's in his head about being late. Benjy said he didn't care enough. Howard said now he's getting real. JD said if he was shamed publicly like this he'd do something to fix this.
Benjy asked how many times he's been late in the past 4 years. JD said 2 or 3 times. He said it's enough to be a habit. Howard said don't sit in the studio anymore. Howard asked if they have room out there for him. Gary said they can find room. He said they have it set up so he can do it now. Howard said put him out there now. Howard said this is ridiculous. Howard said he does like having him in there but he can't do it. Howard said they've spent an hour on this. He said he'll try to regroup and get past this after the break. Howard said it's all he wants to talk about but he's going to move past it with Robin's help. Fred played the Game of Thrones ''Shame'' clip.
Howard said in 2009 Benjy showed up late two days in a row. Howard said that's crazy. Howard said Benjy thinks this is hilarious. Benjy said he really doesn't. Howard said he doesn't talk to Benjy about his girlfriend or any of that shit anymore. He said he has to get on the air so this is how he's doing it. Howard said it's another hilarious bit from Benjy. Benjy brought up Robin's weight again and Howard said he has to shut him down. They went to break a short time later.
- Rachel Butera Visits. 10/26/16. 8:10am
After the break Howard came right back and said they're rebooting the show from the start. Fred played the opening theme song with Ronnie singing it again. Howard said he heard Benjy is late again.
Howard said he ran into Rachel Butera out in the hall. He said she's there doing some phony phone calls for them. Howard had her come in. Rachel came in and Howard said his favorite impression is her Rosie O'Donnell. Howard asked if he can talk to her as Rosie for a bit. Rachel said she's fine with that. She went into her Rosie impression. Howard talked to her about Donald Trump and her battle with Trump. ''Rosie'' said he can't go around grabbing pussy all day. She said that's her job. She talked about Megyn Kelly a bit and said she'd like to part her blond hairs with her tongue. She even smacked her clit against the mic.
Howard said it's not healthy to hold in anger. Rosie said she'd like to go deep sea diving in Melania's vagina. Howard said he has exciting news. He said to keep the impressions going they have an angry Donald Trump on the phone. Howard picked up on fake Trump who said get this oinker off the phone. Howard had the two of them fighting for a short time. Howard said this is unbelievable. They called each other names for a short time. Howard let Trump and Rosie go after that.
Howard said Rachel was also doing the Trump voice. Howard told her to go back and do some work. Howard said that impression is masterful. He said it was like the debate. Howard said at one point she called him a snatch snatcher. He said Trump called her a wide load and a box muncher. Howard said it crushed him when she said he's an election loser.
- Jimmy Fallon, Kate Beckinsale News And More. 10/26/16. 8:15am
Howard asked if Benjy is late again. Robin said they set him up in another area. Howard said he saw the front page of the NY Post and they have a picture of Jimmy Fallon saying that NBC has warned him to stop boozing. Howard said he's not sure why it's on the cover. He said there's nothing new in it. He said he had an incident back a long time ago when he hurt his finger. Howard said NBC hasn't issued anything new. Howard asked why the Post is going after him. He asked if they want to bring him down or something. Robin asked why him. Howard said he's number 1. Robin asked if they compete in that arena. Howard said they compete for advertising dollars. Howard said this story has nothing new in it. He asked what the article is saying. He said he read it twice and it seemed odd to him.
Robin asked if it's the newspaper or is someone else up to this. Howard said it's just weird. He said something odd must have happened. He said he didn't do anything according to this article. Howard said NBC has said they're happy with the show. Howard said the story that has him reeling is how anyone can divorce Kate Beckinsale. Howard said if he met her there's nothing she could do to chase him away. Howard said it's impossible unless she's frigid. Howard said he can't imagine a personality that bad. Howard said she's stunning. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said the guy who left her must have it all. He said he can't imagine getting sick of Kate Beckinsale. Howard said they do say that somewhere someone is sick of fucking a certain person. Howard said he's been with his wife for over 16 or 17 years and he never gets tired of fucking her. Robin said he's been working on himself and his relationship though. Robin said it's not just about fucking someone. Howard said he has to meet Kate Beckinsale. He said he has to figure this out.
Howard read about this guy Len Wiseman who was Kate's husband. Howard said he's filed for divorce from her. He said he's citing irreconcilable differences. Howard said imagine her sucking you nude. Howard said he can't imagine leaving her. Howard said if he came out as a gay man he'd understand it. Robin said this guy is just as good looking as she is. Howard asked how bad her personality could be. Howard said he wants to read a book. He said they have to investigate this marriage. He said he needs to know what went wrong.
Howard read about this woman the husband left Kate for. Howard said she's 18 years younger than him. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin asked how many beautiful women get divorced. Howard said she must have the worst personality on the planet. He said she must be a vomit or something. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on.
Howard said he was reading about this guy Seward who bought Alaska for this country. Howard said if he was the president he would make Iraq a state of this country. Howard said it would be a very valuable state. Howard said they'd be right next to Iran and they could keep an eye on the middle east. Howard said they'd be our citizens and they'd get to vote in our election. Howard said that's how they turn that place into a democracy. Howard said they'd have a free vote and an infrastructure. Howard said they'd have the oil and all of that and it would be the end of the Iraq problem. Howard said there would be no ISIS. He said we wouldn't have an immigration problem either. Howard said we used to do that. He said we used to buy property. Robin said this is the era when people throw off those kind of ties. Howard said people would feel he's making land grabs which is what he'd be doing. Howard said Iraq is a great deal for them. He said they'd love him if he did that. Howard said if you like that idea he can be your president.
Howard said Alaska was purchased for $7.2 million. Howard said we can double that for Iraq. Robin said she thinks it would have to be more than that. Howard said maybe a billion. He said then we'd have another state.
Howard took a call from Kate Beckinsale (Rachel?) who said she has just one problem. She kept farting. She said that's from eating a lot of Nobu. Howard said he gets why she can't be in a marriage for that long. Howard let her go a short time later and then went to break.
- A New Phony Phone Call And More. 10/26/16. 8:30am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a woman who said hi to everyone. Howard said notice there's no Benjy. He said he's sitting outside the studio. The caller said she's been listening since he was on 104.1 up in Boston. Howard said it's formerly WBCN. Howard said he was looking at the ratings up there and it's not WBCN anymore. The caller said it's not even a real station anymore. She said they play pop music. Howard said it was the greatest rock station ever when he was going to college up there. The caller said 101.7 was great up there too. SHE said the only great rock station left is WAAF. Howard said they are great too. The caller said they do classic rock which is Guns N' Roses now. She said it makes her feel old.
The caller, Marissa, said she was annoyed with Howard saying that he was going to vote for Hillary. Howard said he had a note saying that someone was canceling their subscription because of that. Marissa said if he can convince Trump to do the Iraq plan then he's in. Howard said he would be a total maniac if he was president. Marissa said Howard should give that to Trump. Robin said she knew when we went into Iraq that we'd never be able to leave.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call. Howard said he was telling Robin about his doody and his routine. He said he was talking about cleaning with baby wipes and all of that. The boys took that, chopped it up, and called into a radio show. He said the host didn't appreciate him though. Howard played the call and they had Howard telling the host about these green toilets and how he has made doody and sometimes it won't go down. The host hung up on them as he was about to talk about dropping his doody in the water. The host took another call and the guys continued playing the clips of Howard talking about wiping with baby wipes and shoving his finger up there. The host hung up and played some music. He said this guy is a dick and a mother fucker. Robin said he was so jovial on the air. Howard said these guys don't know how to use their equipment. Howard said it shows how two faced people can be. Howard said he thought he was the best caller ever.
- Memet Goes To Naked Yoga Plus Staff Fights. 10/26/16. 8:40am
Howard said they have this guy Memet there and he has been there about 2 years. He said he went to a naked yoga class and got naked for the show. Howard said he knows he has a small penis so he has balls for doing that. Memet came in and said it's not that small. He said when he's erect it's alright. Howard said even the instructor said he had a small penis. Howard said you don't go there unless you have a big cock. Memet said that's what he learned that day. He said the instructor had one that was like 8 inches flaccid.
Howard asked if he was embarrassed. Memet said he was one of the first people there. He said he thought it was going to be a mix of guys and girls but it was 99 percent dudes. He said he thinks they were straight but he's not sure about that. He said there might be a lot of underlying gayness there. Memet said he's still kind of traumatized from it. He said it's so emasculating. Howard said when you're doing poses are guy's assholes open. Memet said he went to the back of the class and he was looking at 40 guys doing downward dog with their balls hanging down. He said the yoga is so intense that you sweat your ass off. He said the guy in front of him had water streaming off his balls.
Memet said he was walking around doing interviews and kept stepping in water puddles. He said one guy had an erection. He said it was an Asian dude and his little penis was sticking straight up. He said he was the one guy smaller than him.
Howard said people pay $15 to do this. He said they range from 20 to 60 and there were only 2 girls in the class. Memet said they weren't bad looking. He said they may have been a mess mentally but physically they weren't bad.
Howard read some of the notes he had and Memet had to get naked so he could do the interviews. Howard played some audio of the instructor talking about why he started doing this naked. He said there are no benefits from doing it naked.
Howard said Memet talked about how people sweat a lot and the instructor likes the smell of sweat. Howard said that's the worst stink. Memet said that guy was kind of strange. Memet said the instructor was walking around with his big dick hanging over people. Howard played some audio of the guy talking about liking the smell of sweat. He said he thinks it's worse with deodorant. Howard said he admitted to dribbling pee on the floor during Yoga too. Howard played that clip and sounded like he was going to puke.
Howard said there's a no shame policy about erections. Howard had audio of the instructor talking about that. He said if you have a boner after class just cover it up. He said they don't boner shame there.
Howard asked how hot the chicks were there. Memet said they were 7s and 8s. Howard asked why the Asian guy got an erection. Memet said he thinks he was just relaxing and taking it all in.
Howard played a clip of a guy Memet interviewed about why he was there. The guy said he likes seeing people naked. Howard asked if the woman was checking out his package. Memet said she may have earlier but she wasn't looking at it there. Howard asked if he's like an inch. Memet said he may have been that day but he can grow. Howard said they get it. Howard played a clip of Memet talking to one of the women about being here and if she has people staring at her. She said people are pretty respectful there. She said it's there and out so look at it or don't. She said it's up to you.
Memet said he was praying for his penis not to let him down that day. He said he tried to chub up in the bathroom at a Dunkin Donuts. Howard said he does that too. He said he gets to the doctor's office and he has nothing there. He said it's embarrassing. Memet said that's what happened to him. Howard asked if he saw any strings hanging out. Memet said they told him they're just asked to bring a towel.
<>Howard asked if you use your own yoga mat. Memet said you can use theirs but you bring a towel. He said the people there are into it.
Howard had some audio of people describing Memet's penis. one guy said he has really weird balls and a really small penis. One guy said it was a nice bell. One guy said it was like an acorn standing on a stack of dimes. Memet said it may have been accurate that day but it's not like that every day.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the naked yoga class. The caller was doing a what sounded like an impression of the instructor and talking about Memet's pimple sized penis.
Robin asked why he did this. Memet said this was the only way they could get in. Howard said good for Memet doing it again. He put his balls on the line.
Howard asked how his feud is going with Jason. He said he heard he doesn't like Jason. Memet said he likes Jason but he does some things that annoy him. Howard said heard that he's upset about Jason ordering food and then leaving it all behind in the meetings. Howard asked if he leaves it on the desk. Memet said that you know if you've worked anywhere else that you clean up after yourself. Jason came in and said it's never happened. Jason said the picture was his desk. Jason said he throws his food away. He said he eats at the meeting because he doesn't have time to eat it any other time. Jason said that maybe that day he forgot. He said he's not entitled. Memet said he's just saying it's just a couple of things that annoy him.
Memet said back in his intern days when Jason wants a coffee or something he won't ask ''may I please have a coffee'' he'll just snap his fingers and say ''Coffee!'' Jason said he's making this up. He said that's just not true. Memet said he heard from a close source that this is still going on. Jason said he's never snapped his fingers or made a demand. He said the people who get the coffee sit far away from them too. Howard asked if Jason spilled a coffee and asked an intern to clean it up. Jason said he doesn't remember doing that.
Gary said that one of the interns said that Jason does put his hand up and says ''Coffee!''
Howard asked if Jason is a bigger target now because of ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' Fred said it might have to do with that. Jason said if he wants to take a picture of Memet on the air he has to spend 20 minutes fixing his hair.
Jon Hein came in and said that he has to say most of the time Jason is pretty polite. He said he was there when the drink was dropped and he demanded that the interns clean it up. He said he looked over at the interns and said ''Pick that up!'' He said he thought he was having a bad day. Jason said he'd like to hear that person tell the story. Jon said Will might talk about it. Jason said Jon has told the P.A.'s that they can't get him lunch because they've fucked up his order. He said he's seen Jon throw down a meal because it's wrong. Jon said he will ask them to fix it and get it right. Jason said he'll throw it down and say ''X isn't getting me lunch anymore.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jon has to stand up to Jason and Jason is wrong for doing what he's doing. Howard said he's not sure what he's saying but he's on a roll. Howard asked if Jason is a diva. He asked Robin. Robin said judging from the information they got he might be.
Howard took a call from a former intern named Will who said that Jason was really nice. He said the only person at the show who left a bad taste in his mouth was Jon Hein. He said Jon was just a dick. Howard asked how he's a dick. Will said Jon would just ignore them in the bullpen. Howard said he's shocked Jon said he is too. Howard said he hung up.
Howard said they have a very important ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' He said Charlie Puth recorded a special ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Jason said he's not sure who suggested it but it got done while he was up there. Howard played the song that Charlie did. He sang ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said he just announced he had to cancel some shows recently. He said he was up there and then got sick.
Howard asked if Fred acts like a diva there. Memet said that Fred is one of the nicest guys around there. He said he was the first one to learn his name there. Jason said one of the coffees he orders in the morning is for Fred. Gary said Fred is such a nice guy that he would get black coffee for years and he wouldn't ask for cream to bother anyone. Jason said he noticed it one day and asked if he likes it with cream. He told him he does and he realized he was bringing it to him wrong for years.
Howard took a call from a former intern who was disguising their voice. He said he's afraid of all of these guys. He said Memet is a pussy but the rest of them he's scared of. Howard let that guy go a short time later.
Memet said they have P.A.'s there doing a lot of things and they should have to go out and get lunch and things like that. Jason asked if they should all get their own lunches and stuff. Memet said yes to everyone but maybe Gary. Howard asked if Jason is so busy working that he doesn't have time. Memet said he has time to get coffee. He said they all spend time talking. He said at the end of the day everything is done. Jason said they get a whole rundown of Memet's day back in the office every day.
Howard said that Memet thinks Memet could be getting his own coffee. He said Jon is in that list too. Memet said Gary and Fred are in a special group. He said Benjy should get his own. Jason said he's been there almost 16 years and started out at the bottom. He said he started out at 19,000 a year and he's in the position where he can barely get up from the computer. He said that he is busy working on other things there. Jon said that's an entitlement right there. Jason said sometimes during the day he needs help. Fred asked what the issue is there. Howard said Memet is saying that the P.A.'s are there doing important things and they shouldn't have to stop doing what they're doing to get food. Jason said that's part of their list of tasks. He said he doesn't put that list together. Memet said if they didn't have that job given to them would they be sitting around or doing something else. Howard said he thinks Jason is entitled to that coffee.
Jason asked if Memet wants a meeting with the boss to talk about this. Memet said that he has made his opinion heard. Jon told him not to back down to Jason. Jason told Memet to ''Him 'em with the Hein.''
Howard said there it is. Jason said he'd like to apologize to anyone he has ever snapped at. Robin asked for an apology. Jon did too. Jason said he was just telling Memet to stand up to him. Jon said that he'd like an apology for mental anguish. Jason said if he wants mental anguish he'll give him mental anguish.
Jason said for an entire year they had meetings and Gary would leave his empty cup of seltzer and ice on the table. He said Jon should know that. He said he may have done it once but he doesn't do it constantly. He said Gary did it for 16 months straight. He said he has all of the pictures on his phone. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody after that.
Howard said he didn't know Gary was doing that kind of thing. Jason said Gary is still pissed at him about the Facebook thing. He said he was talking about invading his personal space and all of that. Gary said you can be a dick on the show but you have to expect repercussions. Jason said he knows that. Gary said the joy he takes in that stuff is annoying. Jon said that's right. It's about the glee he takes in seeing other people annoyed. Jason said he thinks he was the only guy in that office who was picked on in school and that's why he does it. Jason said it was so fun to put that Gary thing together yesterday. Howard said it was fun. Howard said Gary is the one who banned him so it was a year of being banned. Gary said he enjoyed hearing everyone talking about how entitled Jason feels he is. Jason said Gary isn't entitled at all. Jon said he has to admit he knows what Jason is talking about. He said after a meeting they all get up and leave and some people clean up and there were a couple of times that Gary left his can there. He said Jason took pictures and it became a thing for a while.
Gary said he doesn't do it anymore. He said it was brought to his attention and he stopped doing it. Howard asked Jon if he was aware of Gary's love of Cheerios. Jon said he was. He said he has a big box of them in his office. Howard said he forgot all about it. He played another Baba Booey song parody.
Howard said Elijah Wood is a big Vinyl fan like Gary. Howard said he has some audio of him on the Kelly Ripa show talking about vinyl. Howard played that and both Elijah and Kelly were talking about how much they like the sound.
Howard asked when Elijah Wood was last in a movie. Jason said he's been in a lot of great TV shows. Howard said Gary should go steady with Elijah. Howard said that's the man for him. He played another Baba Booey song parody about his love of vinyl.
Howard said he is one of the people who is grateful for technology so we don't have to deal with skipping anymore. Howard said you had to be careful with records. Howard said now DJ's have two computer screens and they don't have to do anything. Jon said he likes digital but he likes vinyl too. Fred said he likes it but he's not passionate about it. Jason said he has some but the majority is digital.
Howard said he has a producer who loves vinyl and Cheerios. Jason said he loves sunsets too. He laughed as he goofed on Gary about posting on Facebook about a sunset. Howard said Gary took a picture of his wife in front of the sunset and then asked her to take one of him in front of it.
Howard said the Filipino president, Rodrigo Duterte, gave a Baba Booey mention. He said that it means something in their language. Gary said it means ''to drive out pigs.'' Howard played the clip and Duterte said it a couple of times in a speech he was making.
Howard said he has a clip of Sour Shoes calling an internet show to talk about soccer. He called in as Richard Simmons. They called in with clips of Sour doing his Richard Simmons voice and annoyed the host of the show. The host took a couple of calls and Sour was doing different voices. The host kept hanging up on Sour. Howard went to break a short time later.
- Where's Sour Shoes? 10/26/16. 9:30am
After the break Howard came right back and said he should have peed but he was too busy to get out of his chair. He said he doesn't have time to get up during the show. He said he'd have to play a song or something. Robin said they used to laugh at DJs who had a stand up board. Howard said he'd get annoyed if he had to stand up during the whole show. Howard said he likes sitting. He said it's comfortable.
Howard said he learned an interesting fact during the break. He said he was listening to Sour Shoes in that call earlier. He said he loves that laugh he does. Howard said the guys said that his phone has been disconnected and they haven't been able to get in touch with him for like a month. Howard said his parents did threaten to take it away from him. Howard said something either happened to him or he's being punished. Robin asked if they can call his parents to find out what's going on. Howard asked if they can do that.
Howard said they say he has a cell and a house phone and both don't work. Robin said they really cut him off. Howard wondered what the fuck happened. He said maybe he was deported. Robin said he does go on a run once in a while.
- Audio Clips, Phone Calls And More. 10/26/16. 9:35am
Howard said he has a tape of Shirley Manson from the band Garbage throwing someone out of a show. He has audio of Madonna saying she'll blow people if they vote for Hillary Clinton. Howard asked if she can do that and not be held to it. Howard played the clip of Madonna saying that she will give you a blow job if you vote for Hillary Clinton. She said she isn't a tool and she wants to do shit. She said she takes her time and gives eye contact and she does swallow.
Robin said she hasn't announced who she's voting for. She's going to make Howard wait until election day. Howard said she is the news woman so she does have to be neutral.
Howard played audio of Shirley Manson going off on someone for throwing a beer at her at a show. Howard said she sounds like Jon Snow. Shirley yelled that pussy fights back. They went into a song after throwing out that person.
Howard said he is a fan of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Howard said Australia had the ultimate Bachelor season. He said two of the girls fell in love with each other. Howard said they're two of the hottest chicks ever too. Howard said they should make a special appearance there in the U.S. Howard said they're every guy's fantasy of a lesbian. He said he was busy looking up their pictures sitting at his desk. He said he must have stared at them for 15 minutes. He said they were so hot and they fell in love on The Bachelor. Howard said they're in bikinis on vacation with each other and they're super hot. Howard said that's interesting to him. Robin said they thought that was happening with two guys on one season of the show.
- Jeff The Drunk Causing Marital Problems? 10/26/16. 9:40am
Howard took a call from a guy who said his wife was one of Jeff the Drunk's stable mates. He said she sent Jeff a bunch of stuff like pizza and wine and things like that. He said he's not sure why she did it other than making Jeff feel good. He said his wife is a doctor and she was in an accident about a month ago. He said she's had to go into surgery and things. He said they had a conversation about this. Howard said he doesn't ask Beth what she does with her money but he'd have a problem with it if she was sending it to Jeff the Drunk. Howard said Jeff should get off his ass and get a job or live off of his government money. Howard said it would bother him if his wife did that.
The caller said they have issues. He said his wife didn't spend anything while she was in the hospital. He said she ordered a pizza with cigarettes and booze. He said he added it all up and it came to like 400 bucks. Howard asked how she knows how to do it. The caller said she would call the pizza place and ask them to send it to Jeff. He said after the accident she was in the hospital and she wasn't able to send the stuff. He said she didn't have her personal stuff. He said Jeff attempted to have phone sex with her. She turned him down and blocked him after everything she did. Howard said he'd be pissed off if someone was sending that to Jeff.
Robin said if Beth decides to send it does she have to consult with Howard. Howard said they do make decisions about which charities to donate to. Robin asked if it's just a hobby. Howard said he'd want to be in on this discussion. Howard said he'd want to hold on to his money and not give it to Jeff.
The caller said his wife's name is Tonya and he knows who she is. Howard picked up on Jeff and Jeff said he knows who she is. Jeff said he was in a private 'scope and he was getting messages from her in his private scope. He said he blocked her and as soon as he blocked her it stopped. The caller said she doesn't have access to email. Jeff said she was in the room and she was the only one who it could be so he blocked her. Howard said she's sending him free stuff. Howard said he has to get to the bottom of this.
The caller said he's thinking about leaving her over this. He said he's upset with Jeff too. He said he told Jeff he's a private investigator and a former cop. He said he tried to have phone sex with her while she was in the hospital. Howard said that's his wife's fault, not Jeff's. The caller said Jeff knew all of this though. Howard said he still doesn't know what the email messages were about. Jeff explained that again and Howard said he doesn't get it.
Howard asked Jeff if Tonya is in love with him. Jeff said he doesn't think so. The caller said he hasn't talked to his wife in a week. He said Jeff needs to talk to him. He said he's someone who has a lot of connections with the government and all of that. He said that this is going to get him kicked in the butt. Howard said the way he looks at it, it's not Jeff's fault. This is between this guy and his wife. The caller said that Jeff blocked her after she gave him all of this stuff. Howard said she's blocked now though. The caller said they're no longer talking. Howard said Jeff broke up a marriage. Jeff said that wasn't his intention. The caller said this is no joke. Jeff said he never said it was a joke. Howard said he's Jeff the Home Wrecker. Howard asked if he wants him to unblock his wife. The caller said he doesn't give a shit what he does.
Howard asked what he wants Jeff to do. The caller said he knows Jeff has nothing to do with the show but he's worse than High Pitch. He said people are sending him stuff and then he blocks them and calls them trolls. He said this is the kind of bullshit that's going to come to an end.
Howard said his ruling on it is that he's pissed off at his wife but Jeff can go on and ask for free stuff. He said Jeff is doing nothing wrong technically. He said asking for free stuff is legal. The caller said his wife felt bad for him and she liked seeing him smile getting this stuff. He said this lady cared about him. Howard said here's what you do. He said you talk to the wife and tell her not to spend money without consulting with him first. Howard asked if she had phone sex with her. Jeff said he tried but he didn't. The caller asked why he would try if he knew his daughter was in the room. Jeff said he wasn't aware of that fact.
The caller kept mentioning that Jeff blocked his wife so Howard wondered why he's so upset about that. The caller said that's just what he wanted to share with Howard. Howard asked if he wants her unblocked. The caller said he's going to file for divorce when she gets out of the hospital. Howard said he doesn't have to go that far. The caller said she's sending Jeff money without telling him. He said they're married. He said he'd be fine with it if she told him she was doing it. Howard said he agrees with him there.
Howard took a call from The Lump who said shame on Jeff. Howard said he accidentally hung up on Jeff and the caller. Howard asked what's going on with Jeff on Twitter. The Lump said he's investing in new Christmas lights for the trailer.
Howard said he's sorry he hung up on the guys. He said it was kind of interesting. He said he can't believe Jeff is causing a guy to file for divorce. Howard asked Jeff to stop seducing women like that. Howard said Anthony Weiner just called and said Jeff is a scumbag.
A short time later Howard got Jeff back on the phone but he asked Robin if she's doing okay. Robin said she's fine. Howard said he was talking about her with a guy. Robin asked if that guy is owed an email. Howard said he is.
Howard had the private investigator caller, Tony, back on the phone. Howard said it is kind of weird that his wife is involved with Jeff and causing problems. Tony said that he always thought people sending money to these evangelists and stuff were crazy or simple. He said his wife is a doctor and she's not stupid. Howard said he once had an argument with Beth when they went away somewhere. He said Beth told him there was a psychic there and she was going to go there. Howard said he told her he can see things happening with them but if she goes to a psychic he's not paying for it. Howard said Beth offered to pay for it herself. He said she went and paid for it. He said the psychic tried to break them up. Howard said she told Beth she was with a man who she shouldn't be with. Howard said when he found out about that he went looking for this psychic to talk to her. Howard said she was in her Gypsy wagon hiding from him. Howard said this asshole was going to ruin their relationship. Robin said that's what Jeff has done to this guy.
Howard said he would tell Tony that he would sit down with his wife and figure out how to fix this. He said it's not something to divorce over. Tony said the only thing he'd give her leeway on is that she was in the hospital. He said she felt bad for him. He said to think that he blocked her after all he did is upsetting too. Howard said he's still not sure why he's upset about that. Tony said he's so upset about the whole thing that he's grasping at anything. Howard said Jeff blocked a doctor who is sending him stuff. He said that's what's hard to believe.
Jeff said that he knows Tonya feels bad for putting her husband through all of this. He said she feels bad in the hospital. Howard said there's nothing worse than Jeff telling you how your wife feels. Tony said he's arguing with this guy. He asked what he's doing. Howard said it's entertaining as hell whatever he's doing.
Howard said maybe his wife is delusional. Tony said that she broke her neck and back in the accident. Jeff said he's going to unblock her. Tony started laughing. He said he wishes Fred had a gunshot sound because he wants to shoot himself. He said he's not a controlling guy and he has no problem with her listening to Howard or watching Jeff. He said the problem he has is spending money on Jeff without him knowing about it. He said that's fine to give him money but just let him know about it.
Howard told Tony to go talk to his wife. He said it would be wrong in this universe if Jeff caused a divorce. Howard said he's amazed that he blocked her. Robin said she didn't have her credit card with her in the hospital. Tony said she stopped giving him stuff for a month. Jeff said that has nothing to do with it. He said that's not why he blocked her. Tony said Jeff thinks everyone is a troll. He said she's not a troll.
Howard asked Jeff if he thought she was into him. Jeff said he had another girl who was but that turned out to be a guy. Jeff said that person pretended to be a pretty girl who was into him and she was always in his room. He said he blocked her and then she came at him on Twitter the next day. Howard said he gets what he's saying. He said Jeff was afraid that his wife was a dude. Tony said she had to go through some kind of credential to see that she was a woman.
Tony said he doesn't listen to Howard all the time but he appreciates what he does. Howard took a call from a woman pretending to be Tony's wife who said she's done with both of these assholes after this.
Howard said he doesn't think Jeff or even the wife did anything wrong. He said the only thing she did was not be more open about the money thing. Tony said that his marriage was so good though. Howard said it's not worth throwing it all away over Jeff. Tony said he's trying to have a life with his daughter and running his business. He said then this is going on. Howard said he's going to let the two of them go. Howard asked who would have thought that Jeff would block someone that nice to him. Howard let Tony go and then let Jeff go a short time later. Robin said Jeff's got game.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said that Jeff blocked him on Periscope on Friday. Howard asked if he sent him a pizza. Erik said he didn't. He said he'd like that guy's wife to send him a pizza. Howard said if she's listening please follow High Pitch. He said he'll definitely fleece her. Howard said he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
- Robin's News. 10/26/16. 10:15am
After the break Howard came right back and said it's time for news with Robin. Fred played her into the news with a song parody.
Howard said Gary had to leave a little early today so Underdog will be producing today. Rachel Butera did her Underdog Lady voice and talked to Howard over Gary's mic. She told Howard she's there to clear the studio of his demonic ways.
Robin started her news with a story about a bogus talent agent raping women after they auditioned for him for different films. Robin said this guy was 33 years old from Kansas. Underdog Lady interrupted and ended up singing Robin's theme song in it's proper Latin. Fred played her theme music and Underdog sang along to it. Then she freaked out when she dropped her pen. Howard said he didn't know her song had lyrics. Underdog is Satan so he wouldn't know Latin. Underdog said she just dropped a stack of tapes that star someone named Anal Porn. Howard said that's Gary's porn collection. She said she can't talk now because Jason is snapping his fingers at her.
Robin read more about the fake talent agent. She said she was also accused of scamming people out of their wedding pictures. Howard asked why not just make a film. Then he wouldn't have to go to jail. Robin said he never thought of that.
Robin read a story about how women do have equality now on how they drink as much as men do. Robin said women used to be the lesser sex on how much they drank and abused alcohol. Fred played a clip of a stripper saying ''Vodka straight up! Thank you!'' Underdog said alcohol has never touched her lips. She said she only drinks after listening to Howard's vile show. Robin read more details about this study about drinking.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is the dumbest person in the world. He said he has a wife who looks like Howard's wife. He said they've been married over 15 years and she finds a way to orgasm every night. He said the stupid part is that about a week ago she mentioned she was getting sore from him fucking her so long. He said he started jerking off in front of her and she was helping him out but that has spiraled into her pushing his hand down there more. He said he getting sex every night but now it's him forcing his hand down there. Underdog interrupted and said this is the devil's work. The caller said he's doing it a lot now but laying next to his wife. He asked what his solution is. Underdog yelled ''Buurrrrrn!'' Howard laughed. Howard wondered what he would do. The caller said he goes every night and he loves it. He said he felt guilty that she was getting sore. Howard said now he has to jerk off every night? The caller said it's back and forth. Howard said doing it every night is a bit obsessive. Howard said maybe 2 or 3 times a week. The caller said she initiates it. Howard said maybe they should keep doing it then. Howard said he thinks it's kind of hot that she's helping out. Howard said maybe she likes watching him jerk off.
Howard said he thinks if she's jerking you off it's no problem. He said he would stick with it. He said if she's still doing it a few times a week that's pretty good. Howard said he should stick to it. Robin said she thinks she realizes he needs it and she's helping. Underdog asked them to please stop. Howard moved on.
Robin read a story about the Pope and the Vatican coming out against the scattering of ashes. Robin said the new rules are that Catholics can be cremated but not scattered or kept in urns at home. Robin said they say they should be kept in a sacred place. Robin said they can only be kept at home with special permission. Howard asked who knew they even cared. Underdog asked where she can scatter her cat's ashes. Howard said he's not sure about that. Underdog said she missed that because she's binge watching Happy Days. Howard talked about that a little more and Underdog said ''That's just the Pope's will you dirty Jew.''
Robin read a story about the Pope's vacation spot and how big and expensive the place is. Robin asked why he needs something so nice because he's got no one to impress.
Robin read a story about a woman suing KFC over false advertising. She claims she ordered something at KFC and it didn't look like the chicken in the ads. Robin said now she's suing for $20 million. Howard said he has to get in on some of these suits. Underdog asked if she can clean up Gary's office and get rid of the Post-it notes all over. She said dental paraphernalia has fallen all over the place too. She was screaming as it was falling. Howard said he heard that Norm Macdonald isn't the real colonel at KFC so he's suing too.
Robin read a story about Apple renaming OS-X to just Mac OS. Howard said their profits have dropped for the first time in years. Robin said they think they won't have enough phones on hand for the holidays.
Howard said just so everyone knows that's not the real Underdog over there. He said that's Rachel. Underdog said burn in Hell to Apple because the apple was the downfall of man in the bible. Underdog started singing church songs while she was talking about that. Robin read more about what the new Mac OS is going to include.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's calling to thank Benjy. He said he was planing on being late today but he encouraged him to book it to work and show up on time. Howard said Benjy's lateness brought something to this guy's life which is good. Howard let the guy go and did a live commercial read. After that Underdog said she's on Gary's Facebook page and it's longer than the bible. She asked why someone with such an awful face would be on something called Facebook. She said she's set up a profile on something called Workbook. Howard said Gary should follow her lead.
Robin read a story about an NFL player who was let go from a team. Gary showed back up and mentioned something about the story. Howard said he was supposed to be gone from the show and Underdog was producing. Underdog went off on him for showing up. She said she booked Brad Pitt for the show. Underdog said one of his employees was speaking in tongues but she was advised that's just the way he talks.
Robin read a story about how more than half the adults with mental illness in the country are not getting help. Robin read more about this report. Howard said his plan if he were President would be to give all of those people a Periscope account. Howard said there's just not enough money to help everyone out. Robin said there is enough money but they don't put it in the right places.
Robin read a story that says women will not make the same money as men until the year 2186. Howard said that's a long time to go. Underdog said rapture will take us all before then. Howard said he's going to do the math on that. Howard tried figuring it out. It took him a minute to come up with the answer. He said it's in 2170 years. Robin said it's 170 years. Howard said that can't be right. Robin said he'd have to subtract 2016 from 2186. Howard said that's too hard for him. He said Baron Trump will be on his 8th wife by then. Robin read more about that study. Underdog said that Howard's brain is being turned to mush from all of the brother/sister porn. Howard wondered if Benjy will be on time by 2186. Howard said he won't be around by then. He said he'll be partying with Sam Kinison.
Robin read a story about the Mormons and how they are trying to let people know it's okay to be Mormon and gay. Robin said they have a web site called Mormon And Gay and they have stories of members who are gay. Robin had some audio of someone in the church talking about that. Underdog asked if Howard knows the difference between a Mormon and a gay Mormon. Howard said ''Uh oh...'' Underdog said there is no difference because they're all burning in hell. Howard said he doesn't worry about that stuff. He said that he just does his thing and lets people do their thing.
Robin read a story about candy and a study that was done about candy and sugar. Robin had audio of a woman talking about how to work with sugar and kids. Robin said sugar rewires the brain for addiction. Howard said Gary eats a lot of sugar. Underdog said it's evil and leads to homosexuality.
Howard tried to trick Gary into speaking again. He asked for Gary and Gary paused but said ''am I here now?'' Howard tricked him. Howard said Monday they have a big Halloween show. He said he's going to take Robin into a haunted house like she's never seen. Howard said they're going to have genital horror stories and phony phone calls and a lot of fun.
Robin said that the decorative contact lenses that people use on Halloween aren't good for you. Howard said of course they're not. Howard asked how people don't know that by now. Robin had some audio from the FDA talking about the contacts and how dangerous they are. Howard said Richard used them and scratched his eyes with them. Howard asked why you would risk your eye sight with something like that. Underdog said you don't put anything in any hole in your body. Robin had more audio of this FDA guy talking about how dangerous the contacts can be. Howard said Richard thinks it was worth the risk. Howard asked why you'd buy contacts like that. Howard said it's a 45 year old man celebrating Halloween.
Howard said he has a message from Richard's dad. He asked Underdog where it is. She freaked out saying she can't take the pressure. Will told him where it is. Howard played the message and Richard's dad was talking about going deer hunting and his mom shot one but he didn't see any. He said they went to a place that was over stocked. He talked about a new pond near the house and the river otters killing everything in the pond. Howard said he has to go visit him. Robin asked how long he'd last there. Howard said about 10 minutes. Howard asked what was going on in that pond. He said something about stocking the pond and the river otters killing the fish. Howard said he loves that guy. Robin said he loves the Beverly Hillbillies too.
Robin read a story about Sumner Redstone trying to get $100 million back from two girlfriends. Robin said he's 93 years old. Robin said Howard talks about how much he loves women but will this guy ever stop. Howard said he's 93 and he's still carrying on about women. Howard said he's talking to Stephen Hawking through a talking iPad or something too. Howard said he used to work for the guy. He said he went to work for Sirius and then they tried to sue him. Howard said he was probably in his 80s back then. Howard said one night he went out to dinner and Sumner was there and walked over wishing him success in his new job. Howard wondered if he even knew he was suing him. He said Les must not have told him about the lawsuit. Howard said he hopes that when he gets to 90 something that his dick leaves him alone. Underdog asked Howard to pray together with her. she started singing some church song and Howard sang along with her. Then Gary's dental equipment fell down again and made her stop.
Howard said he would hope that his dick would give up by that age. He said he just wants it to leave him alone by then. Howard said that dude's dick has gotten him into a ton of trouble. Howard said that guy is holding on. He said it's a family operation but this guy is out of his gourd. Howard said he knows some guys over there and they think they might have to bury him alive. Howard said they're all in limbo. Howard said Les is like ''What the fuck.'' Howard said he hopes he's not thinking about BJs when he's that guy's age. Howard just bury him and no one will know. He said Les probably has to go visit him on occasion and he wonders what he's telling him and it turns out he's mumbling ''eat my asshole.'' Howard said Les is burying his tongue up there just to keep him happy. Howard did an impression of what that would sound like. Howard said when he dies they should examine his cock. He said he's on his death bed and thinking about this stuff. Howard spent a couple of minutes doing the Sumner Redstone impression telling Les which shows to cancel. Howard said he almost went off on Sumner that night at diner. He said that he wanted to yell at him about Les and Joel Hollander suing him over nothing and how he could put a stop to it but he didn't do it. Howard said in the end he won... sort of.
Robin read a story about a father who committed suicide in New Jersey and took his two kids with him. Robin said the dad is dead but the kids are alive. Robin said the boys have minor injuries. Robin said they are 1 and 3 years old. Robin said they both have concussions and one has a bruised leg. Robin said a high fence was supposed to stop this but it didn't work. Robin said he jumped off an overpass with his two kids in his arms.
Robin read a story about the presidential candidates going around the country campaigning. Robin said Hillary Clinton is celebrating her 69th birthday in Florida. Robin said Trump is at a ribbon cutting for his new hotel in Washington DC.
Robin read a story about Obamacare premiums going up about 25 percent. Robin said Mike Pence pounced on that and said the increases are heartbreaking. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read a story about Justin Timberlake taking a selfie of himself while voting and he was going to be investigated but they dropped the investigation. Robin said it is illegal to take photos inside the voting booth.
Robin said she doesn't want Jeffrey Dean Morgan to get to high profile. Robin said they have him on talk shows. she said she wants to buy into him being this evil person on The Walking Dead. Howard said she wants him to be like Heath Ledger and go full on Negan. Robin said he should stay off of TV shows. Howard said they say that Heath Ledger was acting like the Joker when he was preparing for his role. Howard asked if Robin wants the guy to go around with that baseball bat with the barbed wire on it and hit people with it. Robin said he should do what he has to do. Robin had some audio of Morgan talking about the hate mail he's getting now that he's playing this character. Howard said they're going to have him come in next week to discipline Benjy. Robin wrapped up her news and Underdog asked them to join in with her in song to end the show. she stared singing again and then Gary's dental equipment fell on her again. Howard ended the show around 11:20am.