- Howard's Genetics. 01/06/21. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about how he was sitting there bitching about the Leslie West obituary clip he saw on Facebook. He said the camera is too close to his face. He said he told the guys that he's in his basement and it's very narrow in this area. He said the camera is right there and he can touch it. He asked the guys if they can move the box off of Robin's face. Robin said maybe he should have one over his face. Howard laughed and asked the guys to put that over his face. He said she has some message over her. He said it's gone now.
Howard said Robin has a nice top on. He said Ralph sent him some new clothes from the city. He said he wanted Beth to look at it. He said every jacket he has is the same. He said she told him they're all black and look the same. He said don't piss on his parade. He said he's not getting hair cuts so his hair is big and long. He said put the camera up to his face and Leslie West looks better than him and he's dead. He said he looks half dead himself.
Howard said they're working on pulling the camera back and maybe putting it in Connecticut where Gary is. He said he's so gross. Robin said stop being so hard on yourself. He said she was created by the person who created every human. Howard asked if she's seen his parents. He said it's a miracle that he's as good looking as he is. He said he was born with really bad genetics. He said it's like Frankenstein had a kid. He said he's probably the best case scenario for those genetics. He said he's shocked that they were even willing to have a baby out of that genetic mess. He said you have to take a hard look at yourself before you have a kid.
Robin said sometimes you have a really beautiful baby. Howard said sometimes the best looking people make a mess. He said he's sort of the George Clooney of his family. He said it's pretty awesome. He said he's about as hot as he can get so he's changed his attitude. Robin said get some positivity going. Howard did impressions of his parents talking about making babies and how they're going to have a beautiful baby. He said no you're not.
Howard said he was watching the Leslie West thing last night and his hair didn't have good height. He said it was like a bundt cake that didn't rise. He said it was like they were trying to make bagels with his hair and it came out as matzo.
Howard said he thought that he looked so bad it was taking away from the obituary. He said he wants to apologize to Leslie's widow. He said they had some nice clips they had in there and he feels bad he put it out. He said there was a lot of feeling in it but it was blocked by his face. He said he cried during it because he was looking at video of himself. He said he looked pretty bad.
Howard said he said yesterday that his new year's resolution is to not walk hunched over. He said he was trying to sit up straight but he gets exhausted from trying. He said it's exhausting on his back muscles. He said when he just hunches over he's much happier. He said he's such a mess.
Howard said Beth gets more beautiful with age. He said he's trying to keep up. He said when they met they were kind of stunning together. He said he was nice and thin and you could by that she was into him. He said now you can't see it. He said she swears that she loves being with him though. He said she thinks he's entertaining and fun. He said maybe not fun but she thinks that she'd say something like that. He said he's not sure what she thinks but she says she likes being in the house with him. He said they both want to stay in. He said they enjoy it a lot.
Howard said they have friends who ask Beth if Howard isn't letting her out of the house. He said she says no. He said people think he's locking her up. He said they're in quarantine. He said Beth isn't more outgoing than he is. He said she will rally and have fun with people. He said she pretends to be fun. Robin said she has a good act.
Howard said they have friends who say they're quarantining but they go out and hang out with people and then they're shocked when they get COVID-19. Robin said she has a friend who was in an Uber and he got COVID. She said he was sitting in the front seat with the driver. Howard said it's like he's looking for it. Robin said the guy sneezed and coughed. Robin said he got it and the guy in the middle of the back got it. Howard said people are so dumb.
Howard said the situation down in Georgia is interesting. He said they lost the election down there because these republicans have gotten so weird. He said they seem like they want a Hitler in office. He said they want a win even if there's an end to our democracy. Robin said it means power to them. She said they think that no one will be able to defy them. Howard asked who wants to live here if we can't have democracy. He said we can't have a guy who is pressuring people for the win. He said he has voted for tons of republicans but he could never vote for one again based on this.
Howard said this whole thing is mind boggling. He said they want Trump to be out supreme leader. He said he doesn't get it. Howard said of course they lost down there. He said they should never win an election again. He said any American or service man should see that it's the end of our country with these guys. He said he finds it frightening.
Robin said it's guys who have to get the win in chess no matter what. Howard said that's what he saw when he was playing chess. He said they just had to win online. He asked what the fuck is wrong with you.
- The Awful Radio Business. 01/06/21. 7:15am
Howard said he woke up this morning thinking about Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. He said she died too. He said that he was obsessing on the fact that she got stuck on that island because she won a radio contest. He said he was obsessing on that. He said that it serves radio right. He said he has spent most of his life on terrestrial radio and it really was a tremendous indictment for radio. He said if you do win a contest on radio don't go on the trip. He said it's bound to be bad.
Howard said his mother won a radio contest and they were told they won a STP Motor Oil treatment and a windbreaker from STP. He said that's what they won. He said it would have been better if they knew the answers. He said his mother choked though. Howard did his impressions of his mother and father discussing that contest.
Howard said it was like world war III broke out when his father came home to that. He said his father had to go to work in the city and it was a tough day for him. He said it was a miserable trip. He said he had to go to work and he was always aggravated. He said then he'd come home another 2 hours or whatever to get home to his palace. He said they were the only white family in a black neighborhood and that's what he was coming home to.
Howard said he remembers his mother telling his father about that Julius La Rosa had called. He said he tried to help with the story and his father told him to shut up. He said he's not sure why they had him sit there with them. He said he had dinner at 4 and then his father would come home. He said his mother would tell him to sit there with the family. He said that he wanted out of that family.
Howard said his mother didn't remember what the guy asked her for the questions. He said he'd try to help and his father would tell him to shut up. He said his father would be screaming while eating his veal cutlets. He said he's eating some baby cow so he can shit it out later that night. He said he's consuming it and food is flying out all over the place. He said it was a disaster. He said he had to get out of there with some self esteem intact.
Howard said he had an indomitable spirit. He said he tried to blow his brains out with a 4 hits of acid. He said that didn't work. He said he kept going on.
Howard said his stomach would hurt when he got ready for school because he knew he was going to get his ass beaten. He said that he knew there would be some shakedown or something going on at school. He said then he'd get home and his dad would come home to scream. He said every day was like war. He said this is why he likes being in lock down. He said bad stuff happens as soon as you leave the house.
Robin said her house was her nightmare so that's why she wants out of her house all the time.
Howard said his point was that Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island was that she won that trip because of a radio contest. Howard said this thing that his mother won from STP was crap. He said it was a shitty wind breaker. He said they wrapped the STP can in the windbreaker and the oil leaked on it so it ruined the windbreaker. He said they didn't want the STP or the windbreaker anyway. He said his father yelled and screamed for weeks after that. He said they didn't even want the thing and he was still upset. He said it all comes off looking bad. He said radio promotions in general are bad. He said it's not shocking that they wrote this into the TV show Gilligan's Island.
Howard said when Mary Ann won the promotion he knows what was going on at the radio station. He said they were looking to give away something cheap and they hired Gilligan and Skipper to take them out on a 3 hour tour. Robin said the boat was probably shitty too. She said no one was supposed to make it back. Howard said Skipper was a fatso and Gilligan was an imbecile. Robin said neither of them knew anything. Howard said they were like the Three Stooges.
Howard said when they were at K-Rock they were pulling in huge ratings and they were number 1. He said they were doing some kind of giveaway with TiVo. He said somehow they were involved with this. He said someone won a prize on the station and it was a TiVo. He said the guy who won was a nice guy and he waited a year and didn't get his prize. He said the guy called the station and said he'd love to get it a year later. He said by that time he would have given up. He said this guy kept calling the station asking for it. He said the station's point of view was that it was TiVo's obligation. He said it wasn't even them who sponsored it. He said it was some other company. He said for some reason this guy wasn't getting his TiVo. He said the next thing you know they had this guy from 7 On Your Side doing a report on it. He said this was the local news. He said the next thing you know they're in the lobby trying to interview Tom Chiusano. He said it was terrible for everyone there. He said this report was horrible. Robin said they finally get publicity and it's all bad.
Howard said it was like all hell was breaking loose. He said this is why radio is a fourth rate medium. He said no one that good was on radio and it was typical of them to have this kind of contest going on.
Howard said the whole thing would have cost the station $300 to pay the guy for the TiVo. He said they could have avoided all of that. He said if you do win something on radio then don't take it. He said it can only bring you bad luck. He said when he got on radio he wanted to give away cash if anything. He said that way people can spend it the way they want. He said cash is king.
Howard said whoever invented Gilligan's Island is really inventive. He said that story about Mary Ann is great. He said the boat was the SS Minnow and that was the FCC chairman at the time. He said that he had called TV a vast wasteland. He said it's all coming together now. He said it's all very diabolical.
Gary said they did a promotion at K-Rock to win a trip to the Final Four for the NCAA finals. He said part of the thing was that he was supposed to have brunch with the winners. He said he asked how the trip was and it took 9 hours to get there for them. He said grey had to fly to Atlanta to Indianapolis and that's why it took 9 hours. Howard said that's what he means.
Howard said no one wants a 3 hour tour. He said that he can't think of a worse hell than being trapped on a boat for 3 hours. Robin said it wasn't very big either. Howard said the whole thing was horrible. He said it was so bad that their ship was wrecked in a storm. He said it wasn't built for storms.
Howard said he woke up obsessed with this story. Robin said she never thought about it that deeply. Howard said you don't think about how bad that trip must have been. He said that the radio promotion thing fits in. He said Gilligan looked like a hobo in those clothes he wore. He said that's who they won the radio trip with.
Howard said they should do an update for Gilligan's Island where they send them to the NCAA finals and they get lost on the way. He said it's such shit they give away.
Robin said the other thing was at WNBC that they gave away a tissue box. She said that was an awful gift. She said what a great addition to your home. Howard said that will fit right in at your home.
Howard said every time they'd ask someone what their favorite radio station was they'd say it was WNBC and they'd win a free tissue box. Howard said that wasn't cool. He said other stations were cooler and no one wanted a WNBC thing. He said they had posters of Imus that they'd give away. He said he'd love to know who hung that in their house. He said it was a horrible poster.
Howard said he remembers getting the job and he shows up the first day and met with the GM and he gave him a gift. He said it was one of Imus' posters. He said he asked what that was. He said the GM told him that it was a limited edition. He said it was bullshit because they had tons of them laying around the station. He said this is what he got as a welcoming gift. He said he opened it and stared at it. He said he didn't know what to do with it. He there was a model behind him staring thought he Venetian blinds to see Imus. He said that no one is buying that he's sexy. He said it's like when Trump walks around saying he's the perfect weight. He said it's like Kim Jong Un saying he has super powers and he's a good basketball player. He said this is the craziest story he's ever seen. He said this poster is wild. He said people are afraid to tell him that it's an absurd poster.
Howard said this woman in the poster is looking like she's orgasmic. Howard said the guys just sent a note saying that they can share the poster with him. He said it's just as he described it. Howard took a look and Robin saw it too. Howard said he wants to know who came up with this concept. He said he has to write a book about it. He said that's the gift he got as a welcoming gift. He said he wondered what the fuck people thought of this. He said that's radio.
Howard said radio guys have low self esteem. Robin said he had the lowest. Howard said you don't make a poster like that if you don't have low self esteem. Howard said the guys can take that poster down now. He said it's bringing back bad memories.
Howard said he should have left NBC as soon as he saw that poster. He said that was the creator of ''How's your donkey kong.'' He said rest in peace.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his buddy won a contest from a country station and won a trip to the Las Vegas music festival that had the mass shooting. Howard said that's what he's saying. Just stay home if you win a contest. The caller said that they were okay when they went. Howard said thanks for sharing that.
Howard said he thinks the shooter at that festival was upset because he won a tissue box from WNBC.
Howard said the Titanic was the first radio contest giveaway. He said they gave way tickets to that trip. He said they also gave away tickets to United 93. He said good luck when you win.
- Alex Trebek, Fan Feedback And More. 01/06/21. 7:45am
Howard said he's not watching Alex Trebek on his final days on Jeopardy. Robin said she wanted to watch but she wasn't able to either. Howard said he can't watch. He said they say that he was in horrible pain in those final shows. He said he's not going to do that if he's in pain. He said he won't power through his final shows.
Howard said he won't watch. He said the idea that Alex was in pain is tough. He said that he sees clips of Rush Limbaugh now and they say he's dying of cancer. Robin said she doesn't believe that. Howard said he looks better than ever in the clips he's seen. Howard said if he was told he had a couple of months to live he's sure not going to sit here with you folks. He said no offense but he's not going to die entertaining you.
Howard said Robin was there every day working when he thought she was dying. Howard said after he does the show he feels bad for goofing on Gary. He said he was harsh on him for organizing his record collection. He said that people wrote in about how funny grey found that too. Robin said she was thinking she shouldn't have laughed so hard at him either. Gary said he finds the record stuff funny too. Howard said people were divided about that whole thing. He said they egg him on about the whole thing. He said he's really sincere about the whole thing. He said it seems like a colossal waste of time to him.
Gary said his wife asked him to get it off the floor so he organized it. He said she says it's not coming with them to their next house but it is.
Howard read some fan feedback about Gary and goofing on him yesterday about his vinyl collection yesterday. Howard said there's no way he's going to listen to vinyl. He said it's a waste of time to have that collection. He said his life is empty and meaningless if you're doing that. He said if you're cataloging your collection then you're mediocre in life. He said you're just one of the masses. Fred played the sound of static from a vinyl record. He told Gary he's not talking about him. He said if you want to be mediocre in life then sit at home and make sure that Procol Harem is in the P collection. Gary said grey had people calling in about it on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He said they have different sections for their collections.
Gary said that he knows that Eddie Vedder does that with his collection. Robin said he had someone do it for him. Howard said he's not sitting there doing it himself. He said he can tell him that for a fact. He said at least he's a musician. He said that he's not sure what Gary is. Gary asked if he can't love music. Howard said the music he loves is so shitty. He said he listens to Steely Dan over and over. Robin said he was mentioning songs yesterday that were so awful. She said it was like the WNBC playlist. Howard said Eddie Vedder has his own Baba Booey to organize his collection.
Howard read some fan feedback and agreed that he's being mean to Gary. He said he knows that he's like that. He said if he wasn't on the air and had that conversation with Gary about organizing his records he'd be complaining to his wife and not doing it on the air. Gary said it was just a couple of hours one day. He said it wasn't his whole vacation.
Howard read more fan feedback about Gary's collection and people were asking how they should organize their own stuff. Gary had some suggestions.
Gary told Howard he has a soundtrack section for his albums. Howard asked if it's separate or under S for Soundtrack. Gary said it's separate. Howard said this discussion is like a gas leak. He said it slowly kills you and sucks the life out of you.
Howard read some feedback from fans who love him goofing on Gary. He had a bunch of feedback from fans who loved that stuff. Howard said he has Gary Audio Book on the phone to talk about his paper route. He took the call and the guys were playing clips of Gary going on and on about that paper route. Howard said he has to go. He said he's starting to lose his life.
Howard read more feedback about goofing on Gary about his vinyl. He said he does love Gary. He said he knows there are times when it sounds contentious. Gary said he understands that he has a hobby that Howard doesn't like and he'll never get it. He said that he won't take it personally. Howard asked if it's really a hobby. He said all he's doing is collecting records. He said it may be a hobby. Gary said he's not sure if it's even a hobby. Howard said you can listen to music at any time on any streaming service. He said you don't learn anything from that hobby. He asked why not take up guitar. He said maybe he should pick a hobby for him. Gary said that he has a guitar at home that Leslie West gave to him. He said that he told him that he was going to take it back if he didn't learn it. He said he did take lessons but he didn't think that he was that into it so he stopped. Howard said try sticking with it. He said never mind cataloging these records. He said turn yourself into Superman so people will be impressed with you.
Gary asked if he does anything in his life that doesn't better him. Howard said no. He said everything has a purpose. He said painting to him has a purpose. He said he can show off his purpose with his painting. He said he has learned how to master something by doing it. He said cataloging records isn't bettering him. He said it doesn't make any sense.
Gary said Robin is a wine connoisseur. He said that's her hobby. Howard said that's not her hobby. He said that he would be able to ask her what the top 3 wines are if it was her hobby. Robin said she doesn't spend a lot of time on wine. She said she has a wine collection but that's stupid. She said that she has 3 pallets of boxes of wine in her garage that she's not going to do anything with. She said that she can't believe that she did that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Gary's collection wasn't already in order. He said when you buy them you put them in order. Gary said they were in boxes and they went from house to house. He said they were boxed up and had to be reboxed. He said he hadn't had a chance to organize them. He said he finally got around to doing it. He said he thinks he has about 2000 albums. Howard asked if he keeps them all or throws some out. Gary said he had a huge pile that he didn't want and he gave some of them to his nephew. He said he has some newer bands that his son took. He said he has some that he gives away. Gary said he has Private Parts on red vinyl.
Howard said he had these picture disks that were very rare and he threw them right out. Gary said he has as a few picture disks too. He said it's great stuff.
Howard said some people say goof on him and some say don't goof on him. He said that he does feel bad about goofing on him at times. He said that he will call Gary and tell him he's sorry at times. Gary said he won't take it personally so don't worry about it.
Howard said he wanted to talk about Alex Trebek and not Gary. He said he can't watch Alex doing his final week of shows. He said he was taping them while he was in pain and suffering. He said he doesn't want to see that. He said on his final day he recorded a special message about how the world should treat each other. He said that he knew he wasn't going to be there. He read some of the message and thought about how bitter he would be if he was dying. He said he would be like ''fuck you'' and say that he can't believe that you get to live and he doesn't.
Howard said he'd be so angry if he was dying and had those final shows to do. He said he'd be wishing that there's an ice age because of the way people are treating this planet.
Howard played some audio of Alex from his final shows where he didn't sound so great. Howard said the guy kept himself in great shape and this cancer still got him.
Howard played more of the message Alex gave about what he'd like the world to be. Alex said we're trying to build a gentler, kinder world. He said that he'd like that to happen.
Howard said he'd be so angry if that were him. He said he needs to live. He said he knows there's nothing after this. He said take a sick child instead of him. He said he'd make deals for that.
Howard said this guy spent his final days in a TV studio. Robin said he had something like 2 weeks after that. Howard said you could see that he wasn't doing well. He said that had to be tough. Robin said he was an amazing man to deliver any kind of message.
Howard said he gave an angry message in a prank call. He said the guys taped him screaming about how he would have been. He said that the guys took that and called a radio show. He said he'll play that. He played the clip where the guys called this show and played audio of him complaining as if he were dying of pancreatic cancer.
Howard said as long as he has the fan mail there he should read more. He said most of it was about Gary and how mean he was to him. He said that he knows he's mean. He said that he would enjoy listening to that if he were at home listening to the radio.
Howard read some feedback about the Brandi Carlile discussion they had. He had some comments from fans who really enjoyed that performance. Howard said he knows she's a country artist but she's really not. He said she does a lot of rock stuff.
Howard said he was listening to Brandi covering ''Black Hole Sun'' and she does a Soundgarden song called ''Searching with My Good Eye Closed'' and he had never heard that song. He said that they open their shows with that song and she does a cover of it. He said it sounds pretty good. He played some Brandi's version of the song. Howard said that proves that she can rock.
Howard said that people wrote in about the COVID vaccine in Florida. He said he has a friend who says you can walk into a pharmacy and get the vaccine. He got some feedback about that and this guy said he's not able to get it where he lives down there. Howard said we all need help around the country. He said that this country is being led by assholes right now. He said there's a vaccine and we can't even get it here in America. Howard read more feedback about the vaccine thing down there in Florida. People said it's a mess down there.
Howard said that somehow people are okay with this President and even want to overturn the election. He said everything is so disorganized. He said that they want to let the states run it and that's going just great too. He said everything is just great. Howard said what a nightmare it is.
Howard said people apparently want a dictator to run this country. He said they're going to take away your right to vote. He said he's had it. He said he has to get back to the Year in Review.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that years ago they did a giveaway where they gave a Jet Ski to a handicapped guy. Howard said that's right. He said they gave it to a guy who was completely paralyzed. He said don't accept anything you win on radio.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
- Tired Howard, Yoda The Cat And More. 01/06/21. 8:30am
After the break they played a phony phone call Jim Breuer made to a feed store as Goat Boy and Bruno Mars' ''Locked out of Heaven.''
Howard came back and said he can't be a singer because he can't take himself seriously singing lines like in that Bruno Mars song. Robin said you have to be willing to sing gibberish to be a performer. Howard said that guy is really talented but he's almost out the door. He said he's sitting home staring at his guitar wondering why he bothered. Robin said he's thinking of how to organize his records.
Howard said he's not sure how Alex Trebek did it. He said he was apparently in horrible pain at the end. He said that he's sort of healthy himself and yesterday his head was pounding after the show. He said he made himself some protein bread and was sitting there thinking about how he left his phone down in the studio. He said he didn't want to go get it. He said it was downstairs and he just made his eggs and toast. He said he wanted to complain to someone but Beth wasn't around.
Howard said he likes to read his phone when he eats so he can keep his mind off of things. He said he doesn't want to sit there and think. He said he did that for four hours before lunch.
Howard said they threw everything out with paper on it. He said all he had was ''Dan's Paper'' and they put his painting on the cover of it. He said they have a local artist put their painting on the cover. He said he told his wife he wishes that his paintings would be on there. He said they interviewed Beth about animal rescue and he said he wishes they'd put his painting on there. He said she asked and they said they would put it on there. He said he was so excited about that. He said this was more exciting than anything he's done in his career. He said he was really excited about it because he's excited about painting. He said it was sort of his debut.
Howard said he submitted a few of his paintings and they chose this one he did in sepia. He said they did an interview with him about painting. He said he almost sounded like a painter telling them about the painting.
Howard said that was the only thing he had to read in the kitchen. He said that he was thinking about Alex Trebek getting up and doing those shows just weeks before he died. He said that he told Beth how he had forgot his phone downstairs and she volunteered to get it. He said he told her that's not why he told her that. He said he was lying about that. He said he's a filthy, stinking liar. He said Beth didn't care though. He said she went down and got it for him. He said he told her he felt terrible for making her do that. Robin said thank goodness she knows him.
Howard said he had his phone up to watch TV on it. He said it's covered in cat fur. He said you open the case and there's a mountain of hair in there. He said he rolls it with a fabric roller to get the fur out.
Howard said he's worried about Yoda their cat. He said he's getting surgery today. He said his breath was smelly and he was wiping his mouth so you know there's something wrong in there. He said he's the greatest cat ever. He said he doesn't want anything bad to happen to him.
Howard said Yoda was supposed to die just a month after they got him but he's been with them for 8 years now.
Howard said Alex Trebek did his final 2 weeks of shows in just 2 days. Howard said he can't take that. He said there must be something wrong with him. He said he has to do another 5 years there. He said his psychiatrist got an ear full yesterday about that. He said he was barely able to get through the show. He said his psychiatrist said we both know that's not true. Robin said he doesn't take his B.S.
- RIP Tanya Roberts. 01/06/21. 8:40am
Howard said they should do the Year in Review. He said they had a lot with Ronnie yesterday. He said he was on fire. Howard said he has to thank Steven Singer Jewelers for sponsoring the show today. He did a live read for them.
Howard said he's not sure when Ronnie runs out of energy. He said he never quiets down. Robin said he didn't even remember that he sang at the Christmas Zoom party. Howard said he thought it was interesting that he rides Stephanie with that harness. He said he should produce a reality show with those two.
Howard said there was a story about this actress named Tanya Roberts. Robin said she was an Angel on Charlie's Angels. she said she wasn't a great actress but she looked great. She said she was a Bond Girl at one point too. She said that she was in Sheena Queen of the Jungle too.
Howard said the story is that she died from a urinary tract infection. He said he didn't know it could get that bad. He said this woman died and they say that she had a boyfriend and they had him on a show and he looked like one of those guys who waits on line at a comic book convention waiting to get an autograph. He said he somehow married her. He said that he read that the guy left the hospital and saw her and said she died. He said while they were interviewing him on Inside Edition his phone rang and she was on the phone. He said he thought she had died but she called him. He said she was alive for a full day but now she's really dead. Howard played a clip from Inside Edition where the guy found out that she was alive.
Howard said this is why he tells Gary to double check his work all the time. He said you have to double and triple check it.
Howard said he thinks Tanya was in her 60s. He said he hasn't done full research. Robins said she was 65. Howard said he's sorry to hear it.
- The Year In Review: More Ronnie. 01/06/21. 8:50am
Howard said they have hours to kill and a lot happened on the show in 2020. He said they're going to review the year with the staff. He said they heard from JD and Gary yesterday. He said JD was having a giggling fit. JD said he loves Ronnie. He said he makes him laugh.
Howard said that Ronnie was upset with that guy who beat that woman in the porno but he fights with his girlfriend all the time. Ronnie said they're not real nasty. He said that's just them. He said they laugh about it all. Shuli said that's how they talk to each other all the time. He said he spent a week with them in Florida once and that's how they were.
Howard asked if Ronnie is afraid that they will put off a bad vibe with that. Ronnie said they all know it's bullshit. Howard said it's fighting all the time. He said he's assuming people like it. JD said it entertains him. He said he was around them once when they were really mad at each other and it was very awkward and uncomfortable. He said it was at a strip club a few years ago. He said he thinks it's funny most of the time though. Wolfie said that he was there with them in Vegas once and Stephanie got up and walked away from him at one point. He said it was very awkward. He said Ronnie was pissed at her about ordering the wrong food. Ronnie said he told her to send it back and she refused so he kept insisting. He said she wouldn't listen to him because she gets stubborn.
Howard said you can't fix it if someone doesn't like something. He said you can't keep insisting. Ronnie said he could tell that she was annoyed. Howard asked why she walked away. Ronnie said he wanted her to have what she really wanted.
Ronnie said he doesn't want her to be upset so he was trying to help. Howard said that upset her though. He said he thinks that Ronnie yelling at her hurt more than having the wrong food. Ronnie said they talked about it later and she was fine. Howard asked why yell at her though. Robin said that what she's getting out of this is if that girl who had her head shoved in the toilet had laughed, it would have been okay. Ronnie told her to stop it.
Howard said Ronnie is making things worse by yelling at her. Jason said that he's sure that woman who had her head shoved in the toilet said it was fun later on. Ronnie said no way that happened.
Howard asked what Shuli experienced. Shuli said they were in Florida and they were driving to the hotel and they were screaming at each other the whole time. He said it was the whole ride home. Shuli said that she's just as stubborn as Ronnie is. He said it never ends.
Howard said he would think that he'd try to cherish her. He said he was watching The Crown and Prince Charles was being a dick to Princess Diana. He said he doesn't get that. He said he'd think that Ronnie would try to be nice to her.
Robin said what bothered her was that time Ronnie pushed Stephanie into the pool after she got dressed up for a party. Ronnie said she didn't care. Jason said she cared. Gary asked if she takes it out on him when she pegs him. Ronnie said she's very gentle with him.
Howard had a montage clip of Ronnie and Stephanie arguing about various things. Howard said that's Mr. America.
Howard said yesterday Ronnie did his porn reviews and he was a big hit with that. He said they went over some of his highlights too. He said he contributed a lot to the show. He said they talked about him digging shit out of his asshole. Ronnie said he still thinks about that. He said he's been using Metamucil lately. He said it's pretty good. He said what's great about it is that when you take a shit it all comes out at once. He said there's hardly any remnants. He said there's nothing on the toilet paper. He said it comes out like Carvel and that's it. Howard said that's why he told him to get on it. He said that way you don't have to pull shit out of your ass. Ronnie said what happened that morning was really scary.
Howard asked if it's true that he was out at a restaurant on New Year's Eve. Ronnie said he was at someone's house. He said he's been with them the whole time. Howard said COVID is crazy right now. He said that you interview these people and find out that they weren't careful at all when they say they are. He said they say they're only with people who grey know. He said you don't know if they're being safe. Ronnie said he knows what they're doing. Howard said you think you do. He said now the hospitals are so full you have to drop dead at home.
- The Year In Review: Jason's Sal Review. 01/06/21. 9:00am
Howard said Jason is up first with his Sal material. Jason went over some of the wacky stuff grey found out about Sal in 2020. He went through a list of wacky stuff. Howard said you forget how wacky the show is. He said the level of stupidity coming out of Sal is something. He said he really contributes a lot. Sal said lets get back to Ronnie. Howard said Sal thinks that he sees a dime on the ground and it's a sign from a family member.
Sal said he has a new one. He said he hates saying this stuff. He said he locked eyes with a squirrel and communicated with him. Howard said he's going to ask for no laughter during this because he knows he's serious.
Sal said he had meditated and this squirrel was out in the yard after. He said its back was to him so he slowly went to he window and he was about 4 feet away from him. He said it slowly turned around and looked right into his eyes. He said he looked back and they were studying each other. He said it was communicating with him and this was a message that all creatures are important. He said that a squirrel would never stop and look at you. He said they were locked for a minute straight.
Howard asked JD why he's laughing and not taking this seriously. Sal said it was right after his meditation. JD was cracking up. Howard asked what's so funny. JD said he loves Sal. JD was laughing so hard that he was tearing up and his glasses were fogging. Sal said this is hard for him to share because of this. Howard said he knows.
Howard said JD had his back to him and now he's staring at him. Howard said the idea of a squirrel turning around and looking at you doesn't seem that unusual. He said he had that happen to him many times in his life. Sal said it was like a moment of enlightenment for him. He said this squirrel was fixated on him. He said this one was locked on him. Howard asked what it was saying to him. Sal said he was saying that they're all in this together. He said it's everything in nature.
Howard asked if he's still eating meat. Sal said he is. He said he can't turn down a meatball sub. Howard asked why Sal is here on earth. Sal said he's not sure. He was wondering why cows are here. He said we all have a purpose and a path.
Robin said the squirrel didn't do a thing but Sal had a moment of enlightenment. She wondered if Sal would get a better score than a squirrel on a test. Howard said he'd love to be a human being and not a rat with a fluffy tail. He said he thinks that the squirrel was happy he wasn't a human being when it saw Sal.
Howard asked Jason what else he has. Jason said that Sal loved the word ''Mitigate'' and they put him on the spot and had him define what he meant. They played a clip of Sal talking about what mitigate meant to him. He was using the word in the wrong way.
Howard asked Jason what else he has. Jason said that in July Sal stretched his foreskin and shoved it in his own asshole for them. They played a clip from that moment on the show.
Robin asked what inspired that. Sal said there was a guy who was able to juggle his balls so he wondered what he could do with his penis and asshole and that's what he came up with. Howard said he may not be able to top this stuff. He said he's not sure what animals he's going to communicate with.
Howard asked Sal about sleeping with a red jasper stone to help him with his dreaming. Sal said it keeps you grounded. Howard said some people sell you stuff that's bullshit. Sal said he bought a piece of coal from the Titanic but it turns out it was fake. Howard said this stuff is very reminiscent of his father. Sal said this red jasper comes from the earth like the rest of us do. He said things help you out in different ways.
Howard said he's comparing that stone to kale. He said this stone just sits there and he thinks it has powers. Sal said it has qualities to it. Gary said so does Arsenic. Sal said these are good qualities. He said people on YouTube have talked about it. Gary said Sal says it helps you align your shockra.
Sal said he came across a video of the powers of red jasper and he keeps it by his tail bone between his ass cheeks kind of. He said it helps you align your shockra.
Howard asked Jason what else he has. Jason said that Natalie Maines was on the show and asked for Sal to do his ass thing again. They played a clip from that show where Sal did it for her and she cracked up.
Jason said that was just a little bit of Sal from 2020. Howard said it sounds like Sal is off to another great start for 2021 with his stone and the animal thing. He asked who he's following for the meditation thing. Sal said the name is hard to say. He attempted it and the guys were all cracking up. Howard asked him to say it over and over. Sal said he's a monk and he has sent him zero dollars. Howard said it's going to be a great 2021. Robin said she loves that he throws around the term enlightenment but how has he been enlightened. Howard said the squirrel didn't really tell him anything. Sal said it was about awareness.
Howard said the squirrel is on the phone and he's upset with JD for laughing. Howard took the call and the guys played some noises for the squirrel and that lasted about 2 seconds.
Howard took a call from fake Sal's wife who went off on him about this red jasper stone and the squirrel thing. She said the best thing that happened in 2020 was Sal learning how to fuck himself so she doesn't have to. Robin said imagine Sal taking the stand and someone asks him about being able to talk to squirrels. Sal's wife said she's having an affair with a chipmunk. Howard said if she takes him to court he's going to be terrible in court. Howard said that they're off to a great 2021 already.
- The Year In Review: Shuli's Wack Pack Review. 01/06/21. 9:20am
Howard said Shuli is up next with some Wack Pack reviews. Shuli said the first one is High Pitch Erik and trying to get Chris Wilding in the back of his pickup truck. They played a clip from that day.
Howard said the look on Erik's face is so blank. He said he has nothing upstairs and he's gone. Shuli said it's the same way the squirrel was staring at Sal.
Howard asked what else Shuli has. Shuli said that High Pitch Erik sent a dick pic to Andy Cohen. He said he has a clip of him opening that picture. They played a clip of Andy talking about what he was seeing in that picture.
Howard said there was nothing to see there. He said it was just belly. He said it was like one ball there. He said there could be 10 balls in there for all they know. He said Chris told him that Erik had the smallest dick he's ever handled.
Shuli said 2020 was the year of conspiracy theories. He said they asked Seany to sort them out for them. He had a montage of clips of Seany talking about his wacky conspiracy theories. It all ends when grey ask him about Justin Bieber and he refuses to talk about him.
Howard asked what's going on in that head. He said there are 70 million people in this country just like him. He said they're all imbeciles. Shuli said that it's great when you bring up Bieber and he completely shuts down. Howard said he loves when he calls in.
Howard asked Shuli what else he has. Shuli said he moved to Alabama in 2020. Howard laughed. He said that he's become the Wack Pack because he's been talking to them so long. Shuli said it was tough to leave and it was a lot of things that he was going to miss and one of the biggest was breaking the news to Underdog. He had a clip of that moment when he broke it to Underdog.
Howard said she's not crazy for asking him if he was still one of Stern's minions.
Howard asked who else Shuli has for 2020. Shuli said he thinks Wolfie may have a few Wack Packers he wants to bring up. Howard asked if Wolfie works there now. Wolfie said he just snuck in. Wolfie said 2020 has been very tough for the Wack Pack. He had some clips of Debbie the Cum Lady talking about how tough things have been for her trying to find guys to blow.
Howard said she's so comfortable talking about cum and drinking it. He said he doesn't find it that hot. He said she's acting like it doesn't come out of a guy's penis.
Howard asked Wolfie what else he has. Wolfie said the election dominated the news and Wendy the Slow Adult had some opinions on election night. They had a clip of Wendy talking about Trump being ahead in the election in Florida. She said it looks like he's going to win there. She said she knew he was going to win that night.
Wolfie said that Wendy told him last week that it's not over yet. Howard said it doesn't bother him when she says that but it does when other people do. Howard said even Wendy doesn't talk to squirrels. He said she's not that dopey.
Howard asked Wolfie what else he has. Wolfie said that Mark the Bagger talked about masturbation and how that's his hobby. He had a clip to play where Mark talked about masturbation and whispered to himself as he was talking to Wolfie.
Howard said that was interesting. He said he never got into pregnant porn. He asked what that fetish is. He said it must be about her having a baby inside of her. Wolfie said he's not sure. Sal said that's disgusting.
Howard said Sal is into that. Sal said he's not. He said he's very disturbed by it. Gary said Sal will watch a regular woman get peed on but not pregnant women.
Howard asked Benjy to talk about what it is that he likes about the pregnant porn. Benjy said it's the shape of the body. He said it can be very sexy but then he thinks about the baby inside and how that can be very abusive. He said that it's also that she's so horny. He said it's like when a woman fucks animals. He said it's about her being so horny.
Howard said maybe the woman is so out of shape that he thinks he can get her. Benjy said no. He said he watched a pregnancy porn last night and the woman was gross. He said that it might be in the 4th or 5th month that the woman looks good to him. He said maybe not in the 9th month. Howard said most of these girls look like Benjy when they're pregnant.
Jason said that the woman is also lactating. Benjy said that he didn't know they could do that. Howard thanked Benjy for the update. He said at least he did explain why it is that he's into it. He said there was some explanation in there.
Howard asked Wolfie if he has anything else. Wolfie said they played a lot of games with the Wack Pack so they had a game where they asked them what they wanted for Christmas. He had a clip where the Wack Pack talked about what they wanted. They played that montage where Tan Mom, Debbie the Cum Lady and Ham Hands Bill gave their wish lists.
Howard said this was some year. Robin said she's not sure what to say about it. She said there wasn't one Alex Trebek wish in there. she said they're all just about themselves.
- The Year In Review: Sal's Cocktober Review. 01/06/21. 9:40am
Howard asked Sal what he's doing there. Sal said he has something to play. He said they celebrated Cocktober with the Prettiest Penis contest. He said they had Nikki Glaser, Matteo Lane and Ralph Cirella in to judge. He had some audio from that show where the judges were talking about what the penises looked like.
Howard said that was a good reminder. He asked what else he has. Sal said he's going to pass the baton to Ronnie. Ronnie said Howard bitches about everything he hates so they made a montage of what Howard hates. He introduced that montage clip. They played the clip that went on for a good minute or so of just things Howard said he hated in 2020.
Howard said that was pretty miserable. He said what a miserable human being that guy is. He said it's good it's not him. Sal said he hated a soap dish. Howard said he hated that dish because it would collect water and soap disintegrated in it. He said now he has soap from a spritz bottle. He said he's not using bar soap by the sink anymore. Howard said he hates hearing what he hates because it brings up all the hate.
Howard asked if anyone cares that Jeff the Drunk is upset that he wasn't brought up in the Wack Pack thing. Everyone said they don't care. Howard took Jeff's call and Jeff said he hates that he wasn't part of that. He said he could have had some clips in there. He said you know they could have included him. He said that was a shitty way to start the year. He said thanks a lot mother fucker and hung up. Shuli did his impression of Jeff and Jeff said no one even knows what the fuck she looks like. They didn't know who he was talking about. Jeff said Debbie the Cum Lady. Gary said they're on the radio, it doesn't matter.
Howard let Jeff go. Shuli was doing his impression of Jeff with the puppet that Shuli created. Ronnie said that's a great puppet. Howard asked how that puppet is doing. Shuli did his Jeff impression and had Robin laughing. Howard had Shuli doing the impression the way he likes it. He likes it when Jeff mumbles and then says something that makes no sense. He was referring to him talking about Debbie but no one knew he was talking about her.
Howard said he has to talk about Steven Singer Jewelers. He did another live commercial read for them. They went to break after that.
- Tan Mom's New Year's Special. 01/06/21. 9:55am
After the break they played a Marriage Tip from Sal Governale bit and Marvin Gaye's ''Got to Give It Up.''
Howard came back and said that Marvin Gaye's own father killed him. He said what a nightmare. Robin said he was a cross dresser and his father was going through some kind of dementia or something and that's what led to that. Howard said he forgot about that. He said what a fabulous singer and performer he was.
Robin said that she was watching the Bee Gees documentary and she noticed that there were a lot of packages showing. She wondered if they were stuffing their pants. She said they had Otis Redding on stage and he had a big package so maybe they were taking after him. Howard said it's all fake news. He said he has put a sock in his pants but he tells the audience.
Howard said guys think that's a turn on but it's not and it's a big disappointment when you get a woman in bed and you don't have that big package.
Howard took a call from a guy who kept saying hello so Howard did the same thing and they went back and forth for a couple of minutes. The caller hung up. Howard said that was good radio. Howard asked what he's doing wrong. He said he hears other shows and none of this happens.
Howard said at the end of 2020 Tan Mom started hanging out with this guy Adam Barta when he made recordings with her. Howard said it was a good thing because it was funny for a while. He said the sad thing is that they continue to make music. He said they have created a business together and they did a pay per view special. He said that they did a special on YouTube on New Year's Eve and it was free. He said that they're so horrible that they're fun to play on the air.
Howard asked JD how many people were watching this thing. JD said the highest number he saw was 35 at one point. He said that number was up and down the whole night. He said it was called Rockin' Tan Year's Eve. Howard asked what the end game is for Adam Barta. He asked if it's worth all of the energy. He said you have 35 people watching you. JD said he's not sure how they made money with it. He said they had a few guests on but they were pre-recorded. He said he's not sure.
Howard said it can be torture to watch this. JD said Tan Mom isn't the easiest person to talk to. Howard said when he has her on the show he cuts her off when it gets boring. He said an hour or two of a show is a lot. Robin said they have been telling them that it's not good but they won't stop. JD said they have done 5 episodes of Tan Talk. Howard asked why Adam is investing in this woman so much. He said it's not going to pay off. He said he must just enjoy it. JD said he might like the chaos that she brings. He said it keeps him on his toes.
Howard said Tan Mom calls the show saying she's quitting the show. He said she doesn't even work for the show. He said that he sees her on the phone often but he can't take all of her calls. He said she expects them to stop the show for her like she's Mick Jagger. JD said you live around her and she doesn't live around you.
Howard said yesterday Tan Mom called and said that she quit the show but then she said she had terrible dental work and blamed it on that. Robin said she thinks she's doing well and she must be under the impression that she makes the show great. Howard said he cold be interviewing Paul McCartney or Eddie Vedder and she'll call in and get pissed that he doesn't pick up on her.
Howard said Adam Barta and Tan Mom did a special on New Year's Eve and did it on YouTube. He said it was a bigger mess than usual. He said it's just horrible. He said if you spend your night watching this then you're pathetic.
Howard said Adam was in his new studio and Tan Mom was at home. He said she spent time talking about how Howard Stern should have been part of her special. He played a clip of her talking about that with Adam.
Howard said he has made way too many people interested in her. Shuli did his Tan Mom impression for Howard with the Tan Mom puppet. Howard said she starts out really slow and then works her way up to petering off with nothing to say. He said it's like she forgets her point halfway through it.
Howard said at one point Tan Mom tried to get Alexa to play music by REM. He said she kept calling it Alexis so it didn't work. Then she figured it out and Adam had to turn her audio off because he can't play copyrighted music. Howard played a clip of Tan Mom saying Alexis and asking for REM music. Then Adam had to turn her off when it started playing.
Howard said that he likes that she thinks that calling it Alexis doesn't matter like it should recognize the name.
Howard said at one point Tan Mom asked her son to help her get Adam on because she wasn't able to hear him. Shuli did his Tan Mom impression and had her calling for Addison her son but confusing it with Alexa. Howard played the clip of Tan Mom screaming for her son to come help. She could be heard but she wasn't able to hear Adam. She kept asking if she was on and Adam said yes but she didn't hear it. She told her son to stop hiding from the camera, the camera is life.
Howard said they had no indication that she was supposed to be entertaining anyone. Shuli said she has 3 shows going on in her head. Robin said it became sad when her son came on because there's a real kid there in her life.
Howard said there's a reality star named Mama June. Robin said she was on Honey BooBoo. Howard said Adam got her to be part of the show. He said Tan Mom lost her connection so Adam was interviewing Mama June. He said Tan Mom got pissed when she got back on and saw her on. He said she wanted nothing to do with Mama June.
Howard played a clip of Tan Mom going off on Mama June and asking what the fuck that was when she got back on. She said she was all scrambled again. Adam apologized for the technical difficulties.
Howard said Mama June had technical problems too. He said everyone who got on had problems. Howard said he never has problems with Zoom when he uses it.
Howard played a clip of Mama June talking about her issues with Zoom. Howard said the whole thing was so fucking irritating. Robin said you can get that when you have a bad connection. Howard asked what the fuck is going on there.
Howard said the clearest voice is the most annoying voice. Howard did his Adam Barta impression and kept asking for Tan Mom. Shuli did his Tan Mom voice and talked to him like they were doing the show.
Howard played more of the technical problems. He said the show was just full of technical problems. He said that wasn't the only problem. He said he has a montage of Tan Mom having no idea of what Adam was talking about. He said it's just one big disconnect. He played that clip where Tan Mom had no idea what Adam was talking about. JD said she was laying on her back doing this show. Howard had Shuli lay the puppet down as he did the impression.
Howard said the show wrapped up shortly after midnight. He said he thinks grey should do a show every New Year's eve. He said maybe he should end the show with a Tan Mom song. He said he has to see what this is. He said it's a song with all of her drops. He said it's a great bullet point or period at the end of this sentence. He played the song parody where they had clips of Tan Mom to a dance beat.
Howard started the song again when Shuli said he likes how she starts out sounding really low at the start. He did an impression of that and Fred played some drops over that.
Howard said that guy Bill called in earlier and wasn't able to hear them. He said he's back on so maybe now it'll work. Howard took his call and kept doing the ''hello'' thing again. Bill laughed this time knowing they were goofing on him. He had Tan Mom say hello too. Shuli did that. Fred was playing drops of Howard's mom, Gary and the Three Stooges saying hello.
Bill said this is unreal. Howard finally responded to him. Bill asked how Howard is doing. He said this is Bill from Arizona. Howard went back to saying hello over and over. Fred played a squirrel squeaking. Then one of the guys got on and said he was Bill from Arizona. JD was cracking up. Tan Mom said hi to Phil. Howard kept saying hello and asked if he was from Arizona. Bill said he is. He said he's in Tucson. Bill said they have like 5 people on at once. Fake Bill said he's the real Bill. Bill asked if he's got the right number. Howard said it is the right number. They kept going with the drops and fake Bill. Bill kept saying ''This is Bill from Arizona.''
Howard said now he has Bill from Barcelona on the line. He put him on with Bill from Arizona. Then fake Bill from Arizona said this is the real Bill. Real Bill insisted he was the original caller. Howard asked what happened to Bill from Arizona. He said he said he was still there. Bill from Barcelona was there too. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this. Fred kept playing the ''Hello'' drops. Howard said he thinks he was caught in multiple universes. Robin said a bunch of lines must have merged. Howard said he thinks that it's Tan Mom who gets everyone confused. Shuli did a little more of that impression before Howard ended the show. He ended it around 10:30am.