Howard started off the show talking about tomorrow's show because they're going to be doing a celebrity superfan trivia contest. They're going to have three celebrities in to compete against each other with Stern Trivia. Jimmy Kimmel, Jeff Probst and Jerry O'Connell will all be in to compete against each other.

Howard talked about each of the guys a little bit. They talked about how Gary was at the Survivor finale show last night with his kids and he almost overshadowed the contestants there. Howard played a few Baba Booey song parodies as they were talking about that.

Howard said that Gary almost stole the show and everyone was abuzz there. Gary said that there are some big fans there. He said that Ossie was one of the more popular guys there and he's a fan. Howard said that no one knows who Gary is talking about.

Howard said that you can see Bill yelling at the crew even when the sound is cut off. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard said he loves when people lose it like that.

Artie said that his mother got to see his father in the hospital paralyzed and when she saw him for the first time, she asked him ''What have you done to yourself?'' Artie said that his mother was afraid that he wasn't taking care of the wound right so that was her big problem.

Artie told another story about falling into a stoop when he was a kid and taking some teeth out. He said that his mother also saw him after he overdosed out in L.A. so she's seen him at his worst. He said that there was a woman reading him his last rights that day. They thought he wasn't going to make it.

Howard asked Artie about why the woman was reading him his last rights. Artie said that it was just some woman who went around doing that and trying to bring religion into people's lives. Artie recited some of the lines to Howard because he knew them from the movie ''Raging Bull.'' He said that he had recognized it that day because of the movie.

Artie said that it took a long time for him to kick the woman out of the room that day because she was reading that stuff. He said that he was so out of it that he was in and out of consciousness the whole day. He said he was taking sleeping pills, valium and whiskey so he was all messed up.

Howard said that he wanted to understand what this woman's job was. He asked Artie about the woman and fond out she was a 300 pound black woman and she was sitting in a chair in his room reading this religious stuff to him. Artie said that she asked him what happened to him and he told her that he O.D.'d on drugs. She told him that he shouldn't be doing drugs because the lord doesn't want him to do them.

Artie said that the thing that woke him up that day was when they put the tube in his dick. He said he wanted to punch this woman who put it in. He said that they had to give him this black tar-looking stuff and he had to drink that and then throw up. Artie said he thought he was dreaming the catheter thing but then he woke up and found out it was for real.

Howard asked how long the catheter was in. Artie said it was in for a whole day and when they took it out, there was blood in there. Howard said that was enough of that conversation after hearing the blood thing.

Artie told Howard about being sent to the looney bin after his hospital stay. He said he was stuck with a couple of nutty ambulance drivers. He also talked about how he was found at his apartment that day because he was late for work that day. He said that he was never late and when he didn't show up that day, some people got worried. A few people came to find him and saved his life that day. Robin told Artie he'd better not do that there because no one will come to his rescue.

Robin asked Artie if he had to work this weekend. Artie said he had to go out and do a show and the audience loved his eye.

That led to Gary coming in and talking about how Sal had a couple pages of notes about the comedy shows they did this weekend. He mentioned that Richard wasn't' there because he was out shooting something to promote the bowling beauties shows that are on Howard TV this month. Howard talked about how the CW 11 station there wanted Richard there but he thinks that they have no idea what Richard is about. They're supposed to be on this morning.

Gary said that Sal was telling him about the weekend and he thinks that Richard may really be retarded. He had some stories to tell but the caller said that he had some more stuff to talk about. He gave the guys more details about what was going on back stage and how Yucko the Clown's wife was a real cunt.

Artie talked about some of the shows he's done and how there are always people back stage that aren't supposed to be back there.

Howard said that Beth told him about something that a listener did where he gave $1000 to the North Shore Animal League but he made them give a shirt that was signed by Eli Manning to Artie. The guy was basically making Howard a messenger and giving him the shirt to deliver to Artie. Howard said that he hates that people have stipulations when the do stuff like that. He said that he has enough to carry in the morning and then he has to bring in this shirt. Howard said he felt like Bill O'Reilly freaking out. He replayed the Bill O'Reilly clip a short time later.

Robin mentioned that Jackie wanted to thank the guys for the way he was treated on the show the other day when he was in. Artie said he got a text from Jackie about that. Robin said Jackie had told her that he wasn't able to e-mail him so he asked her to pass along the message.

Sal told the story about Richard getting really gross over the weekend. He said that they were on a really small plane on their way to a comedy show. He said that the bathroom in the plane was gross and there was piss and shit all over the place. Richard came up to go to the bathroom, with just his socks on, so he warned him about the piss. Then Richard told him that he had already been in there and had already gotten the piss all over his socks. Sal said Beetlejuice did the same thing.

Sal said that Beetlejuice took off his windbreaker and threw it on the floor and into the piss. He said that he used it as a small carpet in the bathroom stall. Then he put the jacket back on and didn't even wash his hands. Sal said that Beetlejuice didn't even wipe his ass before he put his pants back on. Sal said that he Richard and Beetlejuice both had shit and piss all over them.

Sal said he got to share a room with Beetlejuice over the weekend. Artie told him that maybe if he's getting better at comedy he shouldn't be forced to stay with Beetlejuice.

Sal said that Iron Sheik threw a drink at Beetlejuice and the drink missed him and hit Richard right in the chest before he was going to go on stage. Howard said they should have a talk with Sheik about that because Beet is an innocent. Sal said Sheik was arguing with security about smoking in the venue and he would just light up even though he was told not to.

Sal said he didn't mind sharing his room with Beetlejuice but Howard said he wouldn't be able to sleep in the same room. Artie said it would be like having an enormous rat in his room. Sal talked about Beetlejuice buying anything he possibly could with the money he gets. He said that Beet will put money in any machine that can take coins or bills. He said that he was over by the cart machine at the airport just putting money in.

Sal said they went to a strip club over the weekend and the girls all flocked to him because they know that he's going to give up all of his money. Sal said that they have to pull the girls away from him and tell them that they have control of the money, not Beetlejuice.

Sal talked about Beet buying all kinds of stuff at the gift shops. He said that he had gotten some shaving stuff and went into the bathroom to shave. He said that Beet took a shower but then he put on the dirty clothes from the airport again. He said that the soap and shampoo were never opened up in the bathroom even after he had taken a shower.

Sal said that he was relieved to see that he hadn't sued that bar of soap because he wouldn't have used it after him. Sal said Richard has this new obsession with his boogers. Howard said he knew about that and told Beth about it. He said she almost puked when he told her. He said that Richard and his girlfriend compare their boogers. Howard said that's really fuckin disgusting.

Sal said Richard was treating his boogers like children and would show everyone and smile when he'd pull them out. Sal said that he flinged the boogers on the hotel room window. He said he had people going up to the windows to see them after he flinged them on the lobby window. Howard told Sal that was enough of that and asked him to stop.

Artie said that they should think about doing those shows without Beet and Sheik. Sal said that the people love to see that stuff though.

The host of the show was talking about Savanna who was one of the girls there. The host was bowling with her and talking about how much he liked her attitude. They had some really annoying music playing while they were doing the segment. Howard let the clip play through and Richard finally got in some comments that Howard liked. He said that he was starting to get in some more information that he wanted to hear.

Howard said that they got in a plug where the CW 11 guy said you can find more information through their web site. Howard said that was kind of cool. The host throws it back to the studio and the hosts there spent a minute talking about what they had just seen. They didn't sound so thrilled with it but JD said that the woman who said that was wearing a really tight shirt and had huge tits.

Howard played some of the clips where Eric was talking up the songs. Howard said that all of the people that Eric was playing there were people who were either on American Idol or Dancing with the Stars. Eric told him that he was doing a top 30 list and they were actually on it.

Howard played a bit that the guys made using clips from ''Inside the Actors Studio'' and Eric. They had Eric answering some of the questions that James Lipton asks. Howard congratulated Eric on that honor of being on that show. Eric said that he was never on that show.

Howard said that Eric shaved his moustache and he's looking much better now. He still had the hair under his chin though. Howard said he knows what he's going for but he needs to trim it a little bit. He said it's too much under his chin and not enough on the front. Robin said he looks like a Billy goat.

Howard asked Eric if they were right about his moustache. Eric said they were. He said he thinks his eyebrows are coming back too. Howard said that he shaved off his eyebrows so he wanted to see them again. Howard said that he did have some weird-assed eyebrows.

JD was goofing on Eric so Eric called JD a geek and put him in his place. Howard asked JD what else he had to play. JD told him about some of the clips where the music was louder than Eric so no one could hear what he was saying. Artie started laughing his ass off when he heard it. He said that this was the best show he had ever heard. Robin asked Eric if he didn't know that he couldn't be heard over the music. Eric said that the way it's set up he can't hear what he sounds like.

Howard had some audio of Eric doing some bantering during his show. In that clip Eric was talking about the song and kept talking even though the music had started playing. Howard said he doesn't understand how that all works and why he can't hear what he's playing. Eric said that it's not set up in a way so he can hear it while it's going on. Howard told Eric he should stick to acting, he's not cut out for radio. Robin said she didn't know what he actually said in those clips.

Howard said he likes when Eric comes back on the air and you hear a click from his microphone. He had another clip where Eric was talking up the song but the music was so much louder that you couldn't hear anything. Howard said that he doesn't let you get bored with all of his talking.

Howard said that he likes that Eric's show is commercial free. JD said that he just says the name of the artist between songs. He doesn't even really take a break. Howard played some more clips where Eric would come back on and talk up the songs with the music too loud.

At one point Eric lost count of the countdown and didn't know what number the songs were. Howard said that it really didn't matter much that he lost count.

Howard asked Eric about the royalties and how he works all of that out. Eric said that he wasn't aware of that and didn't know they had to. Howard said that he's pretty sure they won't be bothering him.

Howard said he had Steven Spielberg on the phone to offer Eric a job. It was High Pitch Eric saying that he wanted to offer him a job to fly with balloons. Eric told High Pitch to get off the phone. Howard asked if it was really High Pitch or Steven Spielberg. High Pitch insisted it was Spielberg.

Howard asked High Pitch to put Spielberg's son on the phone. Eric put on a voice that made him sound very normal so Howard asked him why he doesn't' talk like that all the time. High Pitch said that it hurts his voice. The guys told him that he should work on it and try to make that his regular voice.

Artie said he heard that High Pitch has a job now where he scans documents for a law firm. Eric said that he's got a room in the city now too. He said that he's making enough money to cover the rent. He said that he's got an apartment where he has to share a bathroom. The guys talked about that kind of apartment building and how gross they can be. Artie said that he knew a guy who lived in one of those and you have to share the bathroom with like 10 other people.

High Pitch Eric said that there's never a line to get into the bathroom or anything. He has a sink in his room but no toilet or shower. He said they have different showers on different floors there. He said that he's never counted the number of people there. Howard figured that Eric would piss in his sink instead of going to the bathroom but High Pitch denied doing that.

Artie asked High Pitch what it smells like in that room. Eric said that it doesn't smell bad. He said that he does have his pets there though. Robin said she can't imagine the smell there in the room with the litter box and all of that.

Howard said that he had to get back to Eric the Midget's show. High Pitch said that Eric can't be a DJ because he can't hear him talking. Artie said that he would love to go with Howard 100 News just to see High Pitch's apartment. Howard asked High Pitch if he had ever crapped in the cat's litter box. Eric said he never has. Howard said that he's got to be lying.

Howard asked if it was true that Eric's dog ate peanut butter off his balls. Eric said he did that just once for Howard 100 Craptacular. Sal came in and said that he knows that it's true and he does it regularly. High Pitch said that he doesn't do that and tried changing subjects.

Joey Boots called in and said that High Pitch showed him once when they were hanging out and put the peanut butter on his balls and let his dog lick it off. Howard asked him why he does that. High Pitch said that's not true. He said that it was just on the Craptacular. Joey also said that Eric stiffed his last landlord for $1,900. No one was surprised by that.

Howard asked High Pitch why he has his dog lick his balls. High Pitch kept saying that it wasn't true. Artie said that there is no one grosser than High Pitch. He said that he would rather go to Siberia than stay in an apartment with him. He said he'd rather go to Iraq and live in a tent over living with High Pitch.

Joey said that Eric will put down newspapers and leave his pets alone for 2 days. High Pitch said he has friends who keep an eye on his pets so he doesn't do that. Howard asked Artie if he would live in Eric's apartment or Jeff the Vomit Guy's apartment first. Artie said that depends on how big Jeff's apartment is. Howard said that both of them are annoying and he'd probably commit suicide.

High Pitch asked Robin about an F, Marry, Kill with him, Jeff the Drunk and Jeff the Vomit Guy. Robin said that she'd kill them all but then said that she'd probably have to fuck Jeff the Drunk because he's the most normal out of those three.

Howard said that poor Eric the Midget's whole segment had just been hijacked by High Pitch. He played one more of Eric's country show clips and had some fun with that. Eric actually did okay with one of the song intros. Howard said he could see Eric's face while he was playing the clips and he seemed to be proud of this. The guys told him that this might not be the best job for him.

Howard played a clip of porn star Cindy Crawford crying after she had sex with Jeff the Drunk one time. Howard said that's what it's like to sleep with a guy like him. Artie talked about the chick that Jeff was handcuffed to that one time and how she started throwing up from the smell of his shit.

High Pitch was still on the phone so he interrupted and said that his neighbor who was knocking on the door because he heard him on the show. Howard said it sounds like a fun place to live and it was almost like ''Friends'' there. He said that he thinks he's thought of a new show idea for Howard TV. He said that they could have High Pitch and his friends doing a reality show.

Howard said goodbye to both of the guys but Eric the Midget didn't want him hanging up on him. Eric the Midget said he had some other stuff to talk about. He said he wanted to say that if they're wanting to take this movie serious then why hasn't he gotten a script yet. Howard told him that they're trying to clear legal with that.

Eric also asked about pay. Howard said that there is none. He told Eric that it's a chance for him to act and he doesn't get paid to do his internet show. Eric said that he does get paid to do that. He also gets paid to show up for the Killers of Comedy shows. Howard said that he's getting nothing for this movie. He let him go a short time later.

Fred was playing some Metallica so Howard mentioned that they gave him a book that they autographed one time and he keeps it out on his table to look at once in a while. He said that he would never put out stuff like that even though he thinks that it's really cool.

Howard had Dee Snider live via ISDN line. Dee's son was on Rock the Cradle on MTV and he just got voted off. Howard said that he's known Dee's son, Jesse, since he was a little baby. He said that Jesse was really good on the show but it came down to the finals between Jesse and Crosby Loggins and the other kid won. He said that Crosby didn't have any charisma at all but he still ended up winning.

Artie said that he liked Jesse's performance that he saw. He said that he didn't know that Belinda Carlisle really had a thing up her ass about him.

Howard said that the winner got $100,000 and a recording contract. Howard said that he feels bad for him. Dee said that Jesse is also the voice of Pizza Hut and a few other things so he's making plenty doing voice overs. Dee said that he's got his own big house and stuff so he's not hurting from this at all.

Howard asked Dee if his son is doing better than him. Dee said he wouldn't say that but he is doing okay. They spent some more time talking about the Rock the Cradle thing and how it could have been open for corruption, but Dee said that he wasn't saying it was, it just ''could have'' been.

Howard said he thinks that Jesse got robbed. He said that he thinks he should have won. Dee said that he didn't want to cheat or anything and really didn't want to do anything to cheat. Howard said that Dee is that kind of guy and just did things based on his talent.

Howard talked about the old days when Dee was doing shows with Twisted Sister and another band. He said that he remembers doing the commercials for them and how they'd play around the New Jersey and New York area all the time.

Dee and Howard spent a few minutes talking about Jesse and how impressive he was as a performer on that show. Dee said that he had a great stage presence. Howard said he's glad that things are going well for Jesse even though he didn't win that show.

Dee got in some plugs for some stuff that he's doing. They have a biker ride this weekend on Sunday. He said that they start the ride at 11am. You can find out more about that at BikersForBabies.org or DeeSnider.com. Dee said that Fred is going to be riding with them too. He said that they don't mind having any type of motorcycle in the group, even mopeds according to Dee.

Dee told Fred where they were going to be going and what they were going to be doing after the ride. They're going to have a big party and they'll all be meeting up at this event. Howard said that he would never be caught on a motorcycle because he knows that he'd break a leg or something.

Bobo called in and told Dee it was great to see him supporting his kid the way he was on that show. Dee said that all of his kids are starting to work now and one of his sons is going into comedy. He said he's got an 11 year old daughter too.

Howard took some more calls and Dominic Barbara called in and said that he wanted to donate to the charity that Dee is supporting. Howard told Dominic that Dee didn't want his money but Dee told him to shut up and let him donate. Dominic said he was donating as a tribute to Dee's father who was a great man.

Dominic said he wanted to talk to Artie but Artie said he called him back last week and he never called him back. Dominic said he just wanted to come to his show on Saturday. Artie said he's welcome to come.

Artie told Dee to tell his son to come down to a show sometime. Dee said that he'd probably love to do that. Dee got in some more plugs for the ride that they're doing and told everyone to come down to the party even if you don't ride.

Eric the Midget called in and told Dee that he heard that he was friends with Diana Degarmo. Dee said that he knows her from that Gone Country show that he did. Eric is a big fan of hers so Howard told Dee about that. Eric said that she's a very good looking girl. Howard said that Eric was just about stalking her. Eric said that's not true and Steve Langford was an idiot for reporting that.

Howard asked Eric to talk about what he'd do to Diana if he got her. Eric said he wasn't going to do that. Howard asked Eric what position he'd do her in. Eric said that he guesses it would be in the regular position. Artie said ''Eww! You're disgusting!'' when he heard that.

Howard asked Eric if it was true that Catherine McPhee had to change her cell phone number because of him. Eric said that's because they gave him her number. He claimed he only called her like twice but Gary said that it had to be at least 3 or 4 times.

Howard let Dee get in some more plugs and started to wrap up with him. He found out that Dee had gotten a vasectomy. Dee said that he loves that he had it done and it's the best thing for a guy. Howard said that he wants to get one but can't bring himself to do it. Dee said that the operation took just a little while and it didn't hurt all that bad. He said that the only pain was the initial shot of novacaine into his balls. He said that it was about what it's like to get a shot in the gums. He said it was only about 15 minutes long and there wasn't even a stitch removal or anything at all.

Dee said that he and his brothers all got it done. He said that he and his wife had a scare a few years ago and that's when he decided it was time to get the vasectomy done. Howard said that he doesn't want Beth getting pregnant and he really doesn't want any risk of that happening. He said he wants his time for himself and not give it up to another kid.

Dee talked about doing the Gone Country show with Julio Iglacias who had a grandfather who was still having kids at the age of 91. Howard said that he heard that guys who have vasectomys have a higher chance of getting prostate cancer. Dee said that's bull. He said that he had to wait like 2 weeks before he could have sex again after the operation. They test you to make sure that the tubes haven't reconnected just to make sure it worked. Howard said that he might have to give that a try but he's afraid that they're going to screw it up.

Dee told Howard that the operation is very simple but you have to stay off your feet for one day. He said that the wives will appreciate it and they're so grateful that they'll wait on you hand and foot. He said that he knew a guy who did some work the day after that his balls ended up blowing up so his sack was smooth and not wrinkled anymore. Dee said he was fine after it.

Gary came in and said that he's kind of freaked out about getting it done. He said he knew a guy who had it done and the guy's left ball ended up blowing up like a balloon and he hadn't even done anything like Dee's buddy did. Gary said that he doesn't feel like he needs to get it done.

Howard asked if stuff still comes out. Dee said that you still have seminal fluid but it has no sperm in it. He said everything seems normal and the pearl necklace still comes out if that's what he wants.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that his friend had the vasectomy done and now he sounds like Mickey mouse and shoots dust instead of jizz. Howard figured the guy was lying. The caller aids that he wasn't though. Gary said that even if it's not true, that story is going to be stuck in Howard's head.

Howard wrapped up with Dee and let him get in some more plugs before getting off the line with him. Dee thanked them for all of their support before Howard let him go. Dee told Howard to just go for the vasectomy, it won't be that bad. Artie told Howard that it would be perfect for his situation.

Howard said that he thinks that Beth might be against him getting a vasectomy. Howard said that he does want to limit the chances of having a baby though. He said that he's not going to save his sperm or anything like that. Artie told Howard that it would be a good gauge of what Beth is really thinking and he should ask about it. If she tells him to go for it, she's good to go. If she tells him that she doesn't want him to do it then he knows he's fucked.

Bobo said that he has a 19 month old baby now and he wanted a referral from him for the doctor he used. Dee said it was years ago and he didn't want to give out the guy's name. Another caller said that he knows of a guy who shoots loads the size of a pea after a vasectomy. That guy is Jay Thomas. Howard asked Dee to come in and shoot his load so they could see how big it is. Dee said that it doesn't matter because you don't have to pull out anymore.

The caller talked about how he used to work out at Dee's gym years ago. That led to Dee and Howard talking about the gym and how Dee bought it just to screw the old owner over because he was kind of a dick to him. Dee said that he ended up getting screwed over when people were sneaking in and working out without a membership though. Howard let Dee go after that and talked about how great he sounded on the ISDN line.

Howard said that he had the Bowling Beauties coming in after the break. He took a call from a guy who said that the Bill O'Reilly clips were great this morning but he loved the old Casey Kasem clips. Howard said that they'd compare those after the break. Howard went to break a short time later.

After playing the Bill O'Reilly clip Howard played the Casey Kasem clip where he gets all freaked out by the stuff he's reading for a show he used to do. Artie was laughing his ass off at that one and seemed to like it better than Bill. Robin said that Casey is better. He was all alone in that clip so that made it even better according to Robin. Artie said that it shows that Casey doesn't care because he goes off on them for making him read a dog death dedication.

Howard played a clip of himself freaking out during a commercial recording session back at K-Rock. He was freaking out about the copy that he had to read. He said he realized how much of an asshole he sounded like in that clip and it wasn't nearly as good as those others.

Howard said that they were trying to figure out whose rant was the best and they all agreed it was Casey Kasem's. That led to Howard playing the Orson Wells freak out clip as well. In that one Orson is arguing with an engineer and complaining about the way things are going. That got some big laughs out of Artie too. Howard said that he thinks that Orson might be the funniest one but then Robin said that she loves the William Shatner clips too. Howard said he didn't want to get into that stuff and said he wasn't going to play that one.

The guys spent a couple of minutes arguing about who should be in the contest or not and what was great about each one. Howard said he was going to have to play the William Shatner clip since Robin wasn't going to give up on that. Howard played this Shatner clip where he goofs on the engineer for telling him how to do his read. The guys seemed to be enjoying that one too.

Howard said he thinks that Bill had a woman there that he was trying to impress or something, that's why he was acting the way he was. Howard played another one of Shatner's clips where he was reading some Star Trek lines and they corrected him on the pronunciation of ''Sabotage.''

Howard took a couple of calls and let the fans comment on that for a minute. He had to move on after that though.

Howard played another clip where this guy was talking about the Bowling Beauties from Howard TV. Howard said that's really not doing him any good when they just say that they're from Howard TV. They're not explaining what Howard TV is. Richard eventually gets in some comments about what Howard TV is and explains it to the audience. The other anchors goofed on the segment after that once again. Howard said that they've got to be desperate for ratings over there.

Howard said that those women on that channel were complaining that the girls can't really bowl but he pointed out that they can't really do the news or the weather, they're just there to look good, just like the Bowling Beauties.

Howard had Vicky (Myspace.com/supermodelvickyt) and Phyllicia (Myspace.com/misspolite) come in after that. They're two of the Bowling Beauties. Howard said that he remembered seeing them in the show and they're both very competitive. He said that there are some good match ups on that show.

The girls said that they had some fun doing the show but they weren't saying if they take their tops off or not. Howard said that he was going to give Robin a sneak peek at the event. He said he had Scott the Engineer doing some of the commentary. Jim Florentine is the host of the show so Howard asked the girls if they thought he was cute. They said that he was kind of cute and had a nice body. Howard played a clip of Jim introducing Scott the Engineer.

Howard played an outtake clip where Scott flubs one of his lines. Scott asks them to restart it but they tell him to just keep it going. Howard said that Scott was actually pretty good at doing what he was doing. Scott gives his color commentary during the bowling.

Howard said that the girls must have had a hard time bowling in heels. They said that it was pretty hard. They said they had to get used to the heels. Howard said that he shoes are kind of hot. They're real bowling shoes but they're high heels.

Howard said that he had a third clip from channel 11 where they went back to the girls a third time. He played that clip and said that they must be enjoying seeing the girls if they keep going back to them.

A caller said that one of the chicks on that news team has the biggest tits on TV. He told Howard that he's got to check out some of the girls there because they do have some hot ones. The guy said that he'd chop his hand off to have sex with one of the women there.

Howard said that he heard that Phyllicia has a really great ass. He asked her to show it so she did. Howard said that he heard that they spend a lot of time showing her ass in the Bowling Beauties show. She said she had her boyfriend there with her this morning so Howard talked to her about him for a few seconds.

Phyllicia was talking about having her boyfriend tonguing her asshole and stuff like that. She said that sometimes she wants him to do stuff like that but other times she just wants to be rammed from behind. She said that she might have him do anal with her once or twice a month or so.

Howard asked Phyllicia what position she'd be in with the ass licking thing. She said that it can be in a few different positions. He asked if she goes from her ass to her vagina when he licks her. She said that he can but they usually take a shower afterward and clean up so it's no big deal. Phyllicia said that she would love to have a girl eat her out but she won't eat out another girl.

Vicky said that she's eaten out a girl before and told him that story real quick. She said that she knew the girl already and she doesn't like to meet strangers to do stuff like that. Howard asked her about what she wears when she goes out and how she made it happen. Vicky said they got drunk and ended up making out at the club. They took it back home after that.

Howard asked the girls if they've ever stuck their fingers in and smelled themselves to make sure they smell okay. Phyllicia said she doesn't smell it but she will finger herself. She said that she likes to get herself off while the guy is doing stuff to her. She said that she'll show off and tell him to wait for her to finish.

Vicky said that she has her boyfriend watch her while she does stuff like that. Howard said that he's going to watch Bowling Beauties very religiously. He didn't know what this had to do with bowling but he didn't care.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that he looked up the girls and they are hot. Another caller said that Richard looked funny on the channel 11 news thing wearing a bikini over his clothes. One caller said that he was watching episode 1 on Howard TV right then. Howard said they're going to roll out the episodes every week over this month.

Artie asked the girls if they could show anything else. Phyllicia asked if he wanted to see her tits and then said she was just kidding. Vicky wasn't going to show either. Howard ended up talking to Vicky about how she left home at the age of 16. She said that it just wasn't a good home life and she had to get out. She wasn't giving exact details of what was so bad though.

Howard asked to meet Phyllicia's boyfriend. He had the guy come in and Artie said that he looks like The Beav. Howard asked the guy how he got his chick. Artie asked why he wasn't part of the Ugliest Guy with the Hottest Chick contest. The guy said that he didn't marry her, that's why. Howard asked the guy how he met this chick and he said that he met her through Myspace. The guy said that he met her like 4 years ago when the site first started out.

Phyllicia said that she and the guy ended up chatting on there and she's more about personality than looks. Artie said that the room was loaded with people like that. Howard asked the guy how many times a day he's banging this chick. He said he tries for at least one time a day.

Howard asked how far up he sticks his tongue up her ass and how long it took him for him to get into her pants. Phyllicia said it was on the first date but the guy said it wasn't that quick. He said that he had her over to his house and that's where they did it. Phyllicia was saying that he's got a good sized penis. She said that it's probably 7 inches or so and Howard thought that was pretty big. She said that it's thick too.

Artie said that this guy seems like a shy guy and this chick is very open. The guy said that it's all a show and she's just doing it for them. It's different at home. Howard had to wrap up with them a short time later. He let them all go.

Artie said that it's rare for a guy like that to get a hot chick like that. Howard went to break a short time later.

Howard asked Lisa if she's trying to get to the next level or something. Lisa said that she'd love to do movies or even a reality TV show. She said that she wouldn't mind if they followed her around with a camera to show her dating the blacks.

Howard said that Gary saw Lisa's tit that was hanging way out of that top she was wearing. Lisa said that her tits are her best features. She said that her hair is fake so that's not her best feature.

Howard gave Lisa a plug for this show she's doing on Howard 101 tonight. She's going to be playing the Moulie Match Game. Lisa said that's not what she was calling it, she said that's a name that they came up with. Lisa said that she figured there was room for one more black in her life before she jumps back to the white devil so she's going to be finding a guy to date on that show.

Lisa talked about the white guy she dated before and how hard it is for her to find a good looking white guy. She said that she can get decent black guys but the white guys don't come so easy.

Lisa said that this is going to be her last black guy. She's going away to fat camp this summer to lose some more weight so she can get the white devil, one with a good job. Lisa said she's hoping to get a plethora of different men after losing some more weight.

Howard asked Lisa if she's looking for her Tom Arnold. Lisa said that she would like to have a man come into her life and then go on to have a better career than she has. Lisa said that she's had some big meetings lately and she was hooping to make a big announcement today but that will have to wait for her next visit.

Lisa talked about what a sitcom with her would be like and she called it ''Nigger Lovin Fag Hag.'' She said that NBC doesn't like the word ''hag'' though so it may never happen.

Lisa said that they've booked a bunch of guys for her show and they over booked by a few just to make sure she has guys actually show up. She said that they're all black guys and she's going to pick one to date.

Howard said that Lisa was on about 6 months ago and admitted that she had sex with one of the Chicago Bears. That led to some controversy. Lisa said that the guy got upset with her even though she didn't mention his name or position on the team. She said that she got a ton of messages from her publicist because everyone wanted to know who it was that she had slept with.

Lisa said that she only slept with the guy once and she knew that he wasn't going to see her again. He said that they found out who he was on the team and that got him into some trouble. Lisa said that was her first NFL penis and her last. She said that his penis was kind of bent funny. She said that he really got into trouble because he snuck out of his room that night, not because it was her that he was with.

Howard said that Lisa didn't win the Grammy she was nominated for. Lisa said that she hates the Grammys. She said that she thought that this one was going to be televised but they didn't tape it. She said that she lost to the Flight of the Conchords who are just awful. SHE said that she wouldn't have minded losing to George Lopez but losing to those guys was an insult.

Lisa talked about sitting through the loser awards and how awful that was. She said she lost and had her whole family there watching. She said that she flew people in and spent about 30 grand on everyone she flew in. She said that she spent 5 grand on her dress too so it was a terrible day for her. Lisa said that the guys from Flight of the Conchords didn't even show up to accept their award.

Lisa said that she was sitting with Steven Wright and Harry Shearer who all showed up hoping they'd win but they all got screwed. Lisa said that Steven was a grumpy sad sack. She said that his first album was 20 years ago and his next one was 20 years later.

Lisa talked about how few people wanted to interview her when she was walking the red carpet. She said that Leno's people interviewed her but not too many others did. Then she said that the retarded people from ''How's Your News'' turned her down for an interview. Lisa said that was an insult to her.

Lisa said that she gives to a lot of charities and gives to the retards so she expected to do an interview. Howard said it would have been great if the retards had asked to talk to Flight of the Conchords after turning her down.

Howard heard that Lisa broke down and cried after hearing Alicia Keys performing her song on that show. Lisa said that she was worn out from sitting there all day long.

Lisa said that her shrink told her to take some time off from men. Howard asked her if she would want to have a black kid or a white kid if she got pregnant. Lisa said that she doesn't want kids. She said that she would want a black one if she was going to have one though.

Lisa said that she hasn't had any men since that NFL player she talked about. She said that was the last one she had.

Artie asked Lisa if she heard about Jim Florentine being off the market. She said that she did hear that and talked about how much she likes him but said that she wouldn't be interesting in him. She said that Jim likes those skinny girls like Robin.

Howard asked Lisa about Dancing with the Stars because she stopped watching it just like he did. Howard said that he gave up on the show because there are no stars on that show now. Lisa said that she was watching it every week until that fat chick from Hair Spray talked about how she had survived cancer last year. She said that made her stop watching.

Howard said that Lisa is doing a big show at Radio City Music Hall in September. He gave her some plugs for that and said you can find out more at Ticketmaster.com or LiveNation.com.

Howard read that Lisa had called a woman a cunt to her face on an airplane. Lisa denied that until she realized what Howard was talking about. Lisa went on to talk about what went on. She was on an airplane, in first class, and this woman had her kids and her ugly nanny. She said that the baby cried for 3 hours and it didn't bother her at first. Then she said that she looked at the woman and said ''You fucking postpartum cunt, get your ass up there and hold your god damn baby...'' and went off on her about not holding the ugly baby. The woman jumped up and held the baby for the rest of the flight and the baby didn't cry. Howard said that it sounds like she did the right ting because the baby stopped crying.

Howard took a call from a woman who said that she liked the Flight of the Conchords and said that they're actually good. Artie said he's seen it and it's not that good. He said that it's overrated and not all that good. The woman on the phone said it was good though.

Howard took some more phone calls and let some guys ask Lisa out. There were a bunch of guys who were telling her how much they like her. Lisa sounded interested in at least one guy who called in. She told Howard to get his number because she might just have him on her show tonight. Howard put the guy on hold and had Gary handle that. Another caller said that he'd lick Lisa's asshole. She said she's not into that and wouldn't want a guy doing that to her.

Howard asked Robin if she's ever had her asshole licked. Robin said she didn't think so. Another caller asked if Howard would consider Lisa as a replacement for Artie because she's twice the man Artie is.

Lisa was saying that she would sleep with any man except an Asian. She said that she likes her men like she likes her coffee, not like she likes her urine.

Howard took some more calls and then wrapped up with Lisa. He said he hopes that she gets this deal she's working on and then went to break.

Artie asked Howard when he's actually stuck through a whole show. Howard didn't really say. He said that he was back stage with Billy Joel's wife and Sting's wife. He said that he saw John Sykes back there too. He talked about a few other people like Caroline Rhea and talked to her about what she's up to. She was hosting ''The Biggest Loser'' but she left to go do other things. Artie said she met her one time and she made him feel like she loved him.

Howard said that he had a good time at the Rain Forrest concert but he really got tired. He's not used to staying up late. Robin said she forgot all about the concert coming up and didn't go this year.

Artie said that he's not sure when Howard could get out of a baseball stadium if he went to see a game. Howard said that he went to a Mets game years ago but that may have been back in 1987 according to Gary.

Shuli told a story about Beetlejuice shitting his pants and blaming it on Dominic the Midget. Shuli said that Beetlejuice shit his underwear and wanted to pack it in his luggage to bring it home for his wife to wash. He's not even married though.

Shuli said that Artie is still looking for an assistant. He said that they'll have more on that today on the news.

Howard said that he was talking to Beth about their wedding and she was wondering where all of the bands that wanted to perform at the wedding were. Howard said that the wedding is going to disappoint people if they show up and don't see a bunch of big stars there. He said that he's not going to have a lot of people show up. Gary said that he'll work on getting some bands to show up. He's pretty sure that Shaw Blades would do it because they offered to. Phoebe Snow also offered to show up.

Howard said that he might have to get a big set up going if they do that. Gary said he'd have to have a big set up no matter who they get.

Howard told Gary to call Beth and ask her what the set up is going to be. He said that he thinks that people are going to be upset when they show up and there aren't any big stars there. He didn't want to say who it was that he was thinking was going to be upset though.

Artie said that he'd prefer that they not have guys like Pat Monahan there because he doesn't want that guy stealing the chick he's bringing to the wedding. He said that he's trying to get laid and doesn't need good looking rock stars to show up so Shaw Blades is fine.

Gary asked if Billy Joel is going to be there at the wedding. Howard said that he is and he should feel compelled to perform at the wedding. He said that he went to John Bon Jovi's house one time and Billy Joel performed there.

Howard said that all of these people have to perform at the wedding. He said that Billy isn't being invited as a musical guest though. He said that John Bon Jovi has to be invited as a guest too and he doesn't have to sing but it would be nice.

Howard said that he'd love it if he could get Clarence Clemens to park cars for the wedding. He said that he's heard that he's a great parker. Robin thought he was just being racist. Artie suggested he have someone like Billy Ocean park cars, not Clarence.

Artie said that this is going to be the big wedding that he's going to invite this really hot chick to. He said that this is like his hail Mary pass. Howard told Gary not to disappoint him with the musical guests.

Shuli got in some more of his news update and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He quickly ran down the list of things they were going to try and cover today.

Robin said that William Shatner has written an autobiography. Howard said he's actually going to be in on Wednesday to promote it.

Howard said that they held a pole on his web site last week asking if they should use Mike Gange for the Howard TV commercials and they had a 100 percent vote of ''No.'' Mike came in and said he thinks that he actually voted no for himself. They've started to use some other people for the commercials lately so you won't be hearing him too much.

Robin read through some more stories and had one about the Austrian guy who locked his kids in the basement for 24 years. She had one about Jenna Bush getting married. Robin also asked what he was going to dance to at his wedding. Artie suggested the opening theme song to the show, ''The Great American Nightmare.'' They had some fun goofing on that for a short time while they played the song. They were talking about Jenna Bush's wedding music and goofing on that as well.

Artie said that he would perform the Biggie Smalls song that he knows at the wedding if he wants. That led to him singing the song while Fred played it. Howard had to take a break around 10:30am.

After the break Robin got back to her news. She read a story about Jimmy Fallon taking over for Conan O'Brien when he leaves to take over for Jay Leno.

Artie interrupted and showed Howard a picture of a chick in Playboy who he said was the hottest chick he had ever seen. He said that he wanted Jason to call her and invite her to Howard's wedding. Artie said that her name was Juliette Fretté. Artie read her bio and kept talking about how hot she was.

Robin read a story about Nick Hogan getting 8 months in jail for a car accident he was involved in. She had some audio of him talking about the person that was injured in the accident and apologizing for that. That led to a story about Hulk Hogan being caught putting sun tan lotion on his daughter Brooke's ass recently. Howard joked that he does that every night with his daughters. They played Ham Hands Bill's song parody about Robin where he talks about her butt cheeks being warm and all of that. Howard said he wasn't so sure that Hulk actually had his hand on her ass so he was going to give him the benefit of the doubt on that one.

Robin read some news about the democratic nomination and what people are predicting for that. Artie was still doing his Ham Hands Bill impression during the news.

Robin read some other news about Miley Ray Cyrus which led to Artie talking about seeing Lindsay Lohan's sister in the paper recently. He said that she's smokin' hot and she's about 16 years old. Howard said that was kind of disturbing and asked him what he would say to her if he got a hold of her. Artie did more of his Ham Hands Bill impression.

Howard got a hold of some pictures of some celebrities who have bad cellulite problems. They had one of Jennifer Aniston who apparently still has a good ass. Artie said he knew that she was hot.

Robin had some American Idol news. She had some other news about Simon Cowell and had Howard play some audio of him talking about Sharon Osbourne since she's going to be a host on America's Got Talent.

Robin read a story about the most popular names for babies these days. Jacob for boys and Emily for girls. Emily has been the most popular since 1996 when Howard used it for his daughter. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.

Richard said that he didn't hear what the girls on the news were saying about them but they did hear Howard playing the clips. Richard said that he heard Howard complaining about them not describing what Howard TV was so he gave a better explanation of it after that.

Gary said that he heard that the women on the news were really irritated by the whole thing. Jon asked if all newscasters are like that with the show. Gary said that they have a lot of audio of other news anchors making derogatory statements about the show after they've done stories.

Jon asked Richard about the bikini he was wearing. He said that was Mike Gange's idea for him to wear that. Richard said that Gange came up with that and then Larry was directing them to do the other stuff they were doing.

Richard said that he was up all night trying to recover his hard drive that had crashed. He said that he had backed up some stuff in January but he lost everything he's gotten since then. Most of it was porn.

Jon brought up the stories that Sal told about Richard from their weekend doing a comedy show. Richard said that at least he didn't shit his pants like Beetlejuice did. He said that he thinks he did it while he was sleeping because he remembers the smell hitting him while he was sleeping.

Gary talked to Richard about the urine on the socks thing that they were talking about. Richard said that it is kind of creepy when your feet get wet when you go into the bathroom. The guys all let out a sigh when they heard that. Richard said that his shoes are the ones that he's pissed in so they're already damaged.

Lisa Lampanelli was in the studio so she talked about some of the stuff she's seen on airplanes. She had a guy who took his shoes off and fell asleep next to her in his seat and she had to hold it in for 3 hours because she didn't want to wake the guy up. Richard said that he books aisle seats because he has to piss so much.

Sal said that he saw Richard stocking up on little bottles of booze in a plastic bag. He's constantly looking at the bottles and guzzles them down as soon as they take off. Sal said that the flight attendant will come by and ask him if he wants anything to drink. If there's no alcohol he gets all pissed off. Richard actually called the airline and complained about the attendant because they didn't have any booze.

Richard said that he's allowed to bring his own booze on the plane but they have to be under 4 ounces of fluid. He said that he has to drink when he flies because he hates flying so much. He said he has to have a bottle in his mouth as they're taking off.

Richard said that he's comforted by the fact that Beetlejuice is so calm on a flight. That led to Gary talking about how disturbing it was to find out that Beetlejuice doesn't wipe after he takes a shit. Sal said that he saw him just put his pants back on after he shit.

Gary asked Sal why he had to room with Beetlejuice the way he did. Sal said that he feels that he's at the bottom of the barrel and the other guys have to take care of him at times so he figured it was time for him to do it.

Sal told a story about going to the hotel and how Beetlejuice was carrying around a duffel bag within a duffel bag to bring it on his flight. He said that it was a very odd thing to see that he just packed one full duffel bag into an empty one.

Jon said that Sal got a nice mention on the show today when the caller said that he was great. Sal said that was nice and he went through some of the stuff he's doing now.

Shuli came in and said that Beetlejuice will order all kinds of food and he'll shove it into that bag of his. He'll put ice in the bag and it'll end up melting in the bag and then it'll leak into the couch and stuff like that. Beet also doesn't wash his hands after dealing with the shitty underwear and food and stuff.

Benjy said that he thought it was very racist for Gary to say that the guy was a regular guy. He said that he thinks that white guys can get very hot black chicks. Lisa said she kind of agrees with him on that.

Jon went to the phones and took a call from a guy who asked Lisa some questions about the guys that she's trying to date. Lisa said that the white guys who hit on her are the kind who would make him throw up in his mouth. She said that she can get some good looking black guys but not the white guys.

The caller was also asking about Howard TV and not being able to get On Demand up there. Gary told him that it's the cable company that he has to deal with. They were kind of distracted by a class of kids out in the hall who were waving to them as they were talking about the blacks and all of that.

Gary told the caller to call the cable company about the Howard TV thing because it's up to them to put it on. Gary said that if they put porn on their On Demand service then they should put Howard TV on no problem.

Lisa said that Bubba the Love Sponge was supposed to do this show for here where she's going to be finding a date. She said that didn't work out so she decided to do her own show.

Lisa said that she's going to be going to fat camp this summer for a whole month out in Arizona. She wasn't sure if it was the same fat camp that Colin Quinn went to. Gary said that it didn't work out for Colin.

Lisa said that she wishes that they could record this for Howard because she's going to be in the house with a bunch of other people. She said that she's really scared about gaining all of this weight and wants to keep it stable.

Gary told Lisa about going out to eat with Artie and how he wasn't able to fit into a booth so they had to sit at a table. Sal said that Artie can't even wipe right anymore so he asked Lisa if she's got problems. Lisa said she doesn't yet.

Jon took a call from a guy who said that he likes Lisa's honest humor. Lisa talked more about the fat camp thing with him. She was also talking about this TV deal she's working on that she can't announce yet. SHE said that she hopes that works out.

Another caller asked Lisa if she had a bunch of black cocks sticking out of her, would she look like a 500 pound porcupine or a 5000 pound porcupine. Lisa told the guy that comedy isn't his thing. No one was laughing.

Jon played a clip of Lisa talking to Howard earlier this morning. After that Jon took another call from a guy who said that he had spoken to Lisa on Raw Dog Comedy one time. Lisa didn't seem to remember him but she spent a minute talking to him anyway.

Lisa talked about some of the guys that she's dated and how they've always got money problems and things like that. Jon went to the phones again after that one woman said that she wants to be part of Lisa's TV show. Lisa told her that when she gets desperate enough she'll give her a call. They had to go to break after that.

The caller said that Howard is great with the guests but he just doesn't seem to want to do the show and he's very irritated. He figured that maybe it was the wedding plans that were getting to him. Gary said he's really not sure.

Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't like Sal and thinks that his calls are just rip offs of Jerky Boys calls. He went off on him for a couple of minutes but Jon tried to defend him a bit.

Another caller said that he thinks that Sal is great on the show and brings some great bits to the show. He said that Richard does seem to be a bit retarded though. He went on to ask Lisa if she'd consider letting the guys on the show roast her. Lisa said that of course she'd let them do that there. She said that any call she gets from Howard would be a yes.

The caller asked Gary if they would do that. Gary said that they haven't decided if they would go outside of the Stern Show family. He said that they have to figure out who will be next to roast there. They're giving it a rest for now but they will do another one.

Gary said that he's not sure who would have the balls to roast Fred. Sal said that he might be able to do it but the guys figure he'd cross the line and Fred would snap on him.

Jon took some more calls for Lisa and one guy talked about hearing a story about Lisa trying to get a woman fired for doing something that wasn't all that big of a deal. Lisa said that she'd like to get a lot of people fired but she usually has a reason for it if she does.

Jon asked Lisa about her dating show that's on tonight. She told Jon what they'll be doing and how she's going to try and find a date out of the guys that she has in. She said that she does want to see the guys but Gary told her that she should base it on the person and not on the looks. Lisa said she'll talk to Jim McClure about that after this show. Lisa said that you can check out her web site InsultComic.com for more information on the dates she has coming up. The guys had to end the show a short time later.

• TracyLynneMusic.com - Tracy Miss Howard TV 04/23/08
• NickDip.com - Nick DiPaolo 04/23/08
• StoneTemplePilots.com - Scott Weiland 04/23/08
• Mark on Superfan Roundtable - September 20, 2007