- Robin Records Beth's Audio Book. 10/22/14. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A ''Tongue Twister Time with High Pitch Eric'' bit, a prank call Richard made to a guy about buying some deer piss, Weezer performing ''Hash Pipe'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard started the show listening to the Great American Nightmare opening theme song. Howard moved on to talk about sitting there for the next 4 hours baby sitting everyone. Howard said Eric Andre is going to be coming in today. He said he watched his very funny talk show spoof. He said that he is anxious to have him in there. He said he had some fun around there yesterday and they'll let everyone in on that when he gets there.
Howard said Howie Mandel will be in today too. He said yesterday he was so crabby that he decided not to go back to America's Got Talent. Then he got some sleep and said that he thinks he can handle it. Howard said he still doesn't know himself enough to know if he can do that show or not. He said the scale is tipped one way or the other but he gets stuck in the middle somewhere. Howard said he doesn't know which way to go. Robin said he has total choice. Howard said he needs someone to make the choice for him. He said he's willing to give that to someone to make his choice. Howard said his mommy used to do that for him.
Howard said he was watching Robin with his wife yesterday. It wasn't a lesbian thing. He said they were recording th audio book for Beth's book about their cat Yoda. Howard said Beth told him that she did an incredible job. Howard said Robin made her cry. Robin said that's wonderful. She said she wanted to make Beth happy. Howard said she's triumphant once again Howard had Fred play her news theme songs while he was talking about her triumph.
Robin said she's excited about how kids can follow along the words with the book now. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said they underline each word and the kids can recognize the words. Howard said he didn't know they were doing that. Howard said that's fuckin' cool.
Howard said he just hopes none of the perverts in the audience buy the book and jerk off to the audio of Robin talking. Fred played some beating off sounds and Robin's theme songs again. Howard said Scott the Engineer was in the studio with Robin.
Howard said Casey Kasem's corpse is still being moved around. Howard had him on the phone from Peru. He said he might be dead but he's not crazy so he won't be taking Ayahuasca while he's down there.
- Leiberman Live Clips And Some Phone Calls. 10/22/14. 6:10am
Howard said they have a very busy show today. He said he has to play some things that he has been sitting on like a hen on her eggs. Howard said that he has a clip of a guy talking about the weather and he says ''shitty'' instead of city when he's talking about their ''city cam.''
Howard said Leiberman Live is taking the country by storm. Howard said that Jon Leiberman hosts the show on Howard 101 at 4:45pm. Howard said that it's second to none. He said they had Asian Pete on the show yesterday and he was either the worst or the best guest ever. Howard said he only had one word answers. Howard said he's funny though. Howard played some of the audio of Leiberman talking to Pete and asking him questions. Pete was only saying yes or no to his questions. Robin said Jon just gets louder and louder as he's talking to him. Howard said they had to cut the show down to 15 minutes because Jon was blowing his voice out from talking so loud.
Howard said later in the show Alex Jones was on the show and he kept calling Nicole Bass a man. Howard said he didn't know it was actually a woman. Howard played some of the audio of Jones calling her ''sir'' during the show. Howard said Nicole eventually told him that she's not a sir. Howard said it couldn't have been funnier. Howard said he was being sincere. He said he wasn't just goofing on her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Eric Andre's show is the best to watch on acid. Howard said enjoyed it straight as an arrow. The caller said it all comes together when you're on acid. Howard said he'll pass that along. Howard said that's actually an insult to say you have to be on acid to watch a show. Howard asked what show is bad on acid. He said everything should be good on acid. Howard said he needs acid on this show sometimes.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about why so many Phish fans are sensitive. Howard said they were goofing around with the band and he's never gotten so many critical emails. Howard said they were all about how they suck and Phish is great. Howard read through some of those emails.
The caller said he thinks that the band has some parallels with Howard's career. Howard said he's fine with that and he can appreciate that people like them. Howard went through some other emails about his comments about Phish. Howard asked why anyone cares what his opinion of the band is. The caller said he doesn't think he needs all of the drug stuff to enjoy the band. Howard read more email from Phish fans who were upset with him.
Howard said someone said that the band has been on Letterman 9 times in the past 20 years. Howard said that's fine. The caller said that they're an innovative band. Howard asked why anyone cares about what he thinks of the band. He said that he has to get out of this conversation.
Howard let the caller go and read through more of the email and said they got more negative stuff than positive. Robin said she's glad to hear about that. She said she didn't think that they could do anything after all the drugs they do.
Gary said Steve was telling him that this was blowing up all over the boards yesterday. He said there are some people who want them on the show but there are others who don't because they don't want them blowing up. Howard said there was a lot of that with Cream fans back in the 60s. Howard said they didn't want them getting too big. Howard said Steve is one of the Phish fans there.
Howard said Howie Mandel is coming in today. Howard said he's there for a meeting with Ronnie but he's going to pop in and say hi. Howard said they make TV deals together. Howard said that they have to find out about the Ronnie strip club show.
Howard said he was impressed that Hanzi said he goes and gets an atlas and compares his cum stains to countries on a map. Howard said that he lives in his parent's basement and he's in his 30s. Howard said they probably had a vision of this kid looking something up on an atlas. Howard said then he tries to find a country that looks like his cum stains.
Howard said he mentioned yesterday that JD and Hanzi are alike in many ways. He said that Hanzi and JD are both overweight, mumble and they both cum in their shirts. Howard wondered if JD's girlfriend would be attracted to Hanzi. He said Hanzi is JD without the spoon collection. Howard said they may never know since they haven't met JD's girlfriend. Robin said she likes it that way.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Richard Christy is fucked up asking those questions. Howard said he doesn't know what he's talking about. The caller asked what the weirdest sexual request he's ever had from a fan or a celebrity. Howard said he hasn't had anything weird. He said he hasn't had sex with a fan. He said he did an appearance once and this hot chick walked in with a biker dude and she did come on to him and said she wanted to fuck him. Howard said then the guy came in and he was like ''oh shit.'' He said there was no one there at the appearance. Howard said the guy comes out and he said he was cool with him fucking the chick if he wanted to because they were fans. Howard said that would have been a freaky scene. Howard said he didn't even say he waned to watch. Howard said he could have just fucked her and there wouldn't have been any repercussions.
Robin asked if it had to be right then. Howard said he was scared out of his mind. He didn't get into it any further. The caller asked if he could keep him on hold so he could listen to the rest of the show. Howard said yes but he wondered what that's all about.
- Angry Dad Yells At Son Who Deleted Angry Birds. 10/22/14. 6:25am
Howard said he had a fit in the back of Ronnie's car yesterday about their radio. Howard said that radio has to be fixed. He said it's a screen and Manhattan is in Beirut. Howard said if he puts his hand on the volume it bounces and it changes the channel. He said it goes up to some channel that he can't get back to. Howard said he was screaming and yelling about that in the car. He said he needs a radio that only has Howard 100 in the car. He said that's all he wants in the car. Howard said he got out of the car after he ended up on the Oprah channel or something. Howard said he just can't find his own channel. Howard said Ronnie just sits quietly as he's yelling. He said he has 5 minutes to hear his own channel and he can't find the channel. He said he can't get back to his channel. Howard said Ronnie is up front lost in his own thoughts.
Howard said he has tape of this dad being into this game Angry Birds. He said his son fucked with his game and the dad ends up going off on the kid. Howard said the dad is so pissed off he doesn't know what to do. Howard said the son deleted the game or something. Howard played the clip and the dad was yelling at the kid calling him a fucking idiot and told him to fix it. The mom is calling the kid an idiot too. He threatened to kick the kid out of the house if he didn't fix it.
Howard said he's never played Angry Birds. Robin said it's a huge game but she's never seen it played or played it. Howard said maybe it's time to give it up if you're that into it. Howard said he had to give up chess because of that.
Howard asked JD about playing Angry Birds. JD told Howard about playing it and how you can find videos on YouTube that show you how to beat the levels. Howard asked if they have games against other people. JD said that guy was yelling about being in a summer tournament. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
- Howie Mandel Visits. 10/22/14. 6:40am
After the break Howard came right back and asked if the guys needed to talk to him. Gary said he needed 2 seconds. Howard asked Fred to play a song. He went through a few choices and Howard picked a live version of Born to Run by Melissa Etheridge. Howard said he'd cut him off in a few seconds.
Howard came back while the song was playing and asked if they enjoyed that. Robin said it was good. Howard said Howie Mandel stopped by. He said he's having a meeting with Ronnie today. Howie came in and said that he listens daily and but he did hear about the conversation they had about Ronnie and what they could do with him on the TV show. He said he was pulled out of a meeting to hear that and he was laughing at that stuff.
Howard said Howie has people around him all the time. Howard said he's always got people around him. Howard said he hears constant partying over there. He said he hears Howie talking so much and he worries about his voice.
Howard said he got a call from Howie saying he wanted to make a TV show. Howard said he said he wanted to do a TV show with Ronnie where he's go to strip clubs and fix them up. Howard said he thought he was being prank called. Howard said he didn't want to fall for it. Howard said he figured it had to be a joke. He said there is no show in that.
Howie said he lives in his own world. He said his dad owned a club in Stratford, Ontario. He said that it's known for their Shakespearian expo. He said his dad opened a strip club there. Howie said he made money from the bar. Howie said he was there as a kid. He said his father had a sense of humor and he thought it was hysterical to have a 350 pounds stripper named Princess Glow. He said she would take a bubble bath and then three stage hands would take her out of the tub and she'd walk through the audience dropping her tit on men's heads. He said this is what his dad brought to that town.
Howard said he isn't kidding about that either. Howard said he remembers seeing a woman named Chesty Morgan or someone like that at a club and she'd twist her tits and do things like that. He said he remembers how crazy it seemed to be at the time even when he was on acid. Howard said there are clubs that know what they're doing and clubs that don't.
Howie said he did appearances at strip clubs in the 70s. He said he knew from playing the clubs that these places are businesses. He said they have families and his concept was this. He said after watching Bar Rescue and shows like that he figured Ronnie Mund was the every man's entrée into the clubs. He said they're family owned businesses. He said he thought he'd put Ronnie with a team and they'd go in and work on these clubs. He said they'd have a decorator and a restaurateur and people like that.
Howard said he heard this idea and he called Howie back and told him to go ahead with it but he wanted nothing to do with it. Howard said he thought it was nice of him to call him about it but it was his deal. Howard said he told Ronnie he was going to get a call and Ronnie thought it was great. Howard said they banged out a deal and worked it all out legitimately.
Howard said Howie said he was going to fly Ronnie out to have some pitch meetings. Howard said then Ronnie didn't hear from Howie for a while. He heard that Howie told him not to fly out. Howard said he figured he didn't have anyone to buy the show. Howard said he figured he was going to pitch the show and see if anyone was going to go for it.
Howie said he pitched the show idea to the people at William Morris, his agency. He said he was going to fly Ronnie out on his own dime. Howard asked how the agents reacted to that. Howie said they loved the idea. He said they know Howard and the show. Howard said he would have paid money just to see Ronnie in a pitch meeting.
Howie said he was going to fly Ronnie out to do this and then his agent called a couple of days later and told him that he seems to be more excited about it than most. Howie said he thought it would be interesting to see the family part of the business. Howie said they didn't think the strip club thing would work. Howie said it's just a business they're doing a makeover with.
Howard asked if he got one meeting. Howie said they told him it would be hard to get a meeting. Howie said he's not sure if he called Ronnie back or not. Howard said he sat Ronnie down and told him he's not going to get the call. He said there isn't any way the show is getting off the ground.
Howie said he has many shows and he's pitched the idea many times. He said he'd be in a meeting about a kid's show and he'd pitch the Ronnie thing to them. He said that they don't have to see nudity in the show.
Howard said he doesn't understand one thing about Howie. He said most of these comics do a one hour show for a network. Howard said Howie never does those specials. Howard asked why that is. Howie said he has done like 15 or 20 back in the day. Howie said he's not sure what it does for him. He said it's not a tremendous amount of money and your burn off a lot of material. He said he doesn't need to do it and there is no up side to doing it. Howie said he sells out wherever he goes. He said he's doing just fine without those specials.
Howie said Howard started a controversy in his life. Howie said this goes back 2 years ago. He said this was at the end of last season of America's Got Talent. Howie said he wanted to be a good team player and there is a tradition of buying gifts. He said he got Howard a really nice coffee table book of the history of Playboy. He said he got something for Nick and then for the girls he got something he thought was a nice thing. He said it was a silver tray in the shape of a flip flop. It might have been a candy dish or something. Howie said he didn't know what to give. Howard said he hates the gift giving thing for people at work. Howie said he does too.
Howie said he gave the gift back in his room at AGT. He said Howard gave him a gift and it was that Playboy book but Howard had drawn pictures on every page. Howard said he anted to show he put thought into it. Howie said he thought that was fucking great. Howie said it was very personalized. He said that is the coffee table book in his house. He said people spend hours going through it. Howard said he is thinking of putting out a book and doing that to sell to people. Howard said he and Howie should go into business on that.
Howie said he got that gift from Howard and he was in his dressing room. He said Mel B comes into the room holding the candy dish asking ''what the fuck is this?'' He said he thought it was a candy dish. She told him it was stupid and gave it back to him. Howard said he must have been insulted. Howie said that they were all giving him back his gifts. Howie said Mel gave her's back just opened. Howie said she thought it was stupid. Howard said she's very up front. Howard said not many people would say that. Howie said he thought that she drew on it like Howard did. He said she didn't do that. Howard said maybe they thought it was a joke gift. Howie said he didn't know. He said he thought he was giving shitty gifts that no one wanted.
Howie said he was embarrassed by this whole thing. He said he did put a lot of time and money and effort into this stuff. He said with Howard giving his back and Mel giving her's back he didn't think he could go through that again this season. He said he beat himself up over that. Howie said he was walking down the street in Manhattan and he saw they had a parakeet sale at a pet store. He said what he was going to do was do something that no one could mistake as anything but funny. He went into the store and asked the lady how many parakeets she had. Howie said they had like 50-100. Howie said he didn't think it was nice to give a pet as a present. He said he doesn't like caged animals but they were there. Howie asked what it would cost for her to fill up the truck and bring them to Radio City Music Hall and have a guy go around and present everyone with their gift. Howie said that no one was going to want them. Howie said that the woman could take them all back when they're done. Howie said he didn't want to be humiliated like he was last year.
Howie said they were doing the finale show and this little Hispanic man showed up in the truck. He said he was unloading cages of parakeets. He said that he had a 9 page list of rules he had to give to everyone. Howie said he thought this was really funny.
Howard said he walked into his dressing room and he was miserable. He said he walks in and bitches. He said Jason the producer walked in and told him they had to do something on the show. Howard said that he told him that Howie had gotten him a gift and he was going to hate it. Howard said he turned around and he saw the cage there. Howard said it was gift wrapped. He said the birds were fine though. He said it was open at the top. Howard said he asked what was in there and Jason told him it was a parakeet. Howard said he went into a tirade. Howard said Howie walked in with this guy who was giving him the rules. Howard said he demanded that they take the bird back to the pet store. Howard said he was yelling at this poor guy that Howie had hired. Howard said he knew Howie was out there giggling. Howard said he was so annoyed by that.
Howie said Nick's assistant took it and he was so serious. He said he had Pablo reading the rules to him and the assistant was writing it all down. He said that he told Pablo to tell the assistant that the birds can live up to 10 years and this one was 9 and a half years old.
Howard said Mel B was happy about the bird. She wanted to keep it. Howie said he wasn't thinking anyone would keep it. Howie said she came back asking if they had any extras. She wanted to keep two. Howie said he bought them for her. Howie said that Heidi wanted to take one too. Then Nick Cannon wanted to take one. He said none of the birds went back. He said he had to pay thousands of dollars for them. He said no one wanted birds but then everyone kept them.
Howard said that the birds aren't going to get fed. Howie said that Mel took 2 birds and he had to call the store saying that they had sold all of the birds. He said he had to tell them to send over food for them. Howie said that he thought this was a joke. Howie said Mel wanted the two birds and the show goes on. He said Mel is flying back with him and some other people with two birds on the plane. He said she brought them on the plane and she was for real keeping them. Howie said then they were informed that the flight attendant has a fear of birds. Howie said he thought this was all a joke. He said if your job description has the word flight in it you shouldn't be afraid of a bird. Howie said he felt bad for the birds because the shit was being flung all over the place. He said they were shitting outside the cage.
Howard said he guarantees the birds are dead. Howard said there's no way they can be taken care of. Howie said he doesn't want to hear that.
Howie said he flew back and all he heard was bird sounds. Howie said that was going on the whole 5 hour flight. Howie said the flight attendant didn't come out. Then Mel wanted to let the birds out in the plane. Howard said she's fucking crazy. Howie told her not to release them. Howard asked if she could just buy birds in California. Howie said it was two birds. He said this was the worst flight ever.
Howie said he finally lands and he doesn't get any sleep. Then on that following Monday he tells the story about the birds. Then he gets a call from his people saying that PETA was calling because they were upset with him over the whole bird thing. Howie said he wasn't going to give anything to anyone and this whole bird thing was a joke.
Howard took a call from Ralph who was there that day. Ralph said Howard was so upset that he would have thought that they threw the birds in a blender. Ralph said Howard was so annoyed. Howie said he tried to be nice two years ago and then it turned into this nightmare. He said that he's not sure how he ends up with a letter from PETA and a plane with bird shit all over the place. He said shit like this always happens to him.
Ralph said that Howie never stops. He said it's always like this. Ralph said that he never calms down. Howie said what Howard does is not normal. Howard said they're both on opposite spectrums of not being normal. Howard said he loves being alone and Howie doesn't. Howard said he doesn't want to be bothered. He said he just wants to sit quietly.
Ralph said they were at some venue and Howard just wanted to sit quietly and Howie kept walking past the room making noise. Howie said he's a grown man and he can't be told to be quiet. He said he just asks what time it is and he's told to shush. Howie said that he loves going to the Hollywood Bowl to see shows. He said he just saw Billy Joel there. Howie said he said to his wife that they could see the L.A. Philharmonic. He said his wife got dinner and the tickets. He said they went and sat in their box and the music starts. He said they have dinner and he said to his wife to give him a cookie. He said the person beside him said ''Shhh!'' Howie said he was incensed. He said he will never go back. Howie said he had a cookie and he was so incensed that he was making noise just to make noise. He said he'll never go back to that place.
Howard said he would never tell this story but he asked Howie to tell the story about the plane he has for flying out and how he bought a lot of people tickets to see Billy Joel. He said he got into a fight with Mel B over something. Howie said he has no problem talking about that.
Howard said that they don't all get along all the time. Howie said it's like brothers and sisters. Howard said Howie was pissed off though. Howie said he was. Howard said Mel B needed a good talking to and Howie did it. Howard said Howie has a deal to have a private jet. Howard said they fly him to New York and he's gracious enough to have Mel B and Heidi fly with him. Howard said that's nice of him to do that. Howard said he could be there alone if he wanted. Howard said he thought Howie was a nice guy to do that. Howard said Howie told him a story about being late to New York because he has to wait an hour or two for Mel B to show up. Howard said Howie will wait because he's nice.
Gary came in and told a story about Howard getting them on a private jet. He said he told them that it was leaving at 11 and he said that it wasn't leaving a minute later. He said that Howard was going to leave without Benjy who showed up at 10:58. Howard said Howie is nuts to wait.
Howie said that she is late a lot. He said he calls her Mel B Late. Howard said he wouldn't put up for that. Howard said he won't put up with lateness. Howard said he isn't fucking around there. Howard said that he told the producers that if she's late they should just go on. Howie said they haven't held up shooting but she has been late.
Howard said Howie came to him to talk to him when he was upset once. Howard said he loves upset people. Howard said Howie told him he had to get back to L.A. and he had a whole night planned. Howard said Mel wasn't around. Howard said Howie told him that he had to leave but Mel wasn't coming out of her trailer because she was upset. Howard said he told Howie to go in there and tell her to get her ass out there because he had to get out of there to fly home. Howard said he loves turmoil. He said that he did help though. Howard said Mel had her feet up on a table and Howie told him all of this. He said she had one eyelash on and she was in a robe. Howard said it was an hour late already and they had to shoot. Howard said Howie marched in and told Mel that he had to leave. He said Mel looked at him and told him to just leave. Howard said Mel told him to just leave and not stay. Howard said that's disrespectful. Howie said he can't just leave.
Howard said Howie then walks back to his trailer defeated. Howard said he tells him that she told him to just leave. Howard said he was trying to make sense of all of this. Howard said that it was disrespectful to Howie. Howard said Mel came out of the trailer and they weren't talking. Howard said Howie finally got angry with someone. Howie said it doesn't usually work when he gets angry. Howard said he turned to Mel and said that she's wrong and she can't be late because it's unprofessional. Howard said he told her that he flies her all over and it's wrong. Howard said she shrugged her shoulders. Howard said he loved that it was going to be so uncomfortable. Howard said he wanted to bring it up at the shoot. Howard said Howie was behaving himself at the taping and usually they have some fun talking but not this time. He said they just did their thing and got done taping. Ralph said that Mel finally came strutting out and Howie was all bummed out. He said she looked at Howie and said ''I thought you have to leave.'' Howie said that did happen.
Howie said he went to a restaurant once and he took his daughter out to dinner before she had her baby. Howard said Howie is a grandfather now. Howie said his son in law has a new app out today. He showed Howard what it does. He said it's called Memoji. He said you can put your face in Emojis. Howard said that looks like fun.
Howie said they went to dinner and they didn't have any reservations. He said he figured he could get in since he's a celebrity. He said the lady was a real bitch. He said that he asked if they had a table for four. There wasn't a soul in the place. He said that they didn't have reservations so the woman says she would see what she could do. Howie said that she set up a table for them. Howie said they set up a table right outside the men's room. He said that he thought it would be nice anyway. He said it was in Maui and they had no view of the ocean. Howie said the food was good but he kept getting a whiff of the bathroom. He said he didn't want to complain in a restaurant and get spit in his food. Howie said after an hour goes by he got mad. He said he was going to complain for the first time in his life. Howie said he wanted to get recognized so he was going to walk around and have someone see him. Howie said he got up and tried to get recognized. He said no one did. He said he went back and sat down. Then he got another whiff of urine from the bathroom. He said that he got up again and someone recognized him. Howie said this managerial looking woman sees him and recognizes him and asks if he is having a good time. Howie said he complained and the woman says she's so sorry for him. Howie said he felt good after doing that. He said that he felt good venting like that. Howie said they were walking out and he looks to the right and sees the woman sitting at a table eating with her husband and kids. He said she wasn't an employee there. He said he finally vents and it's not someone who works there.
Howard said Howie has this show called Deal With It. The show is starting Friday night on TBS. Howie said he has Nick Cannon on the show this Friday.
Howard asked when it will be appropriate to ask about Mariah. Howie said he did it when he flew with him recently. He said that they were renewing their vows every year and every marriage that does that ends up failing. Howard said he wanted to do that with Beth and she told him it's the kiss of death. Howard said he wrote Nick a note about what was going on and he said he would talk to him if he wanted advice. Howard said Nick didn't want to talk.
Howie said Nick is a professional. He said he does a great job on the show. He thinks it's a crime he hasn't been nominated for an Emmy. He doesn't talk about his personal life at work. Howard said he'd love to hear what's going on there. Howard said he thinks he's going to go on a mad tear and get a lot of pussy. Howard said he's not sure if he's coming back to AGT but he imagines a parade of broads.
Howard took a call from Mel B (The guys in the back playing clips) and she was telling Howard to shut up. They had her saying ''fuck you'' a lot. Howie said hi and she said ''fuck you'' to him too. Howard said this is getting ridiculous. Howie was arguing with the clips and told her to fuck off. Howard said that wasn't really her.
Howie said she's in England doing X-factor right now. He said she has a radio show in Australia too. Howard said he thinks that those birds are dead. Howie said he upset him saying that. He said he really loves animals and he won't buy gifts ever again... if he goes back to AGT. Howard said he doesn't have a good feeling about the birds. Howard said he could spend all day with Howie. Howard said that he loves the guy. Howard said he has to wrap up though.
Howard said Heidi is always telling him sex stories there at AGT. Howie said that she's very sexual. Howard asked what she tells him. Howie said he thinks he's just trying to get something out of him. Howie said you have to fly with her for 5 hours. Howard asked what she told him. Howie said she has some little fantasies going on. Howie said it's nice to hear. He said it's better than reading articles. Howard said he thinks that the relationship she's in with the 27 year old is going to end in disaster. Howard said the guy isn't going to marry her. Howard said he thinks she has real feelings for this guy. Howard said she told him that she is in love. Howard said that guy isn't going to stick with a 40-something year old. Howie said she's 41. Howard said he's going to break up with him and it's going to be devastating. Robin said she's a strong woman and she can get over it.
Howard asked what kind of fantasies she told Howie about. Howie said he can't say. He said that he got into trouble last time he was on. He said that they were in there to promote AGT and he got into trouble for saying the word ''cunt.'' Howard said Howie got in trouble over that. Howie said he tried to say that he was doing an English accent and trying to say ''can't.''
Howard asked why Heidi tells these sexual fantasies. Howie said they have discussions on the plane and they end up getting involved in that. Howie said he gets yelled at a lot more as a 60 year old than he did in the past. Howie said they wanted him to stop giving out his Twitter handle, @HowieMandel, on AGT. Howard said that it makes him look bad. Howie said he live tweets during the shows. Howard said he's jealous of him at times. He said he likes to hear what the audience is thinking.
Howard said he has a pet peeve with Howie. Howard said Howie will say to the kids on the show that they have a family with the people at AGT. Howard said he has to stop with that. Howard said that it's the worst family in the world. He said if they fuck up they throw them off the show. Howie said he believes in what he's saying. He said that he can disagree with him but he thinks that saying they have a family there is fine. Howie said Howard is assuming that he's going to be back. Howard asked if he is. Howie said he doesn't know. Howard said he has gotten a call from them. Howie said he hasn't yet.
Howie said if a kid says he was abandoned as a child he hasn't known any love. Howard said you can't say that they're his family. Howie said that AGT loves them and the audience loves them. Howard said he has to stop that. Howard said that's bullshit. Robin said Howie says a lot of things that never come true for these people. Howie said he thinks he's a word smith and he does a fine job. He said he's not going to change that.
Howard said it would be great to do a show where he walks into an orphanage and tells them they have a family and then just walks away. Howie said he could do that and call it ''Deal With It.'' Howard said that he can't do that anymore on the show. Howard said he knows Howie has to go brainstorm with Ronnie in the hall. Howard said he shouldn't give it up. He said he has to keep pitching the show. Howard gave him some plugs for ''Deal With It'' which is on this Friday night on TBS. Howard said Howie will be tweeting Heidi's fantasies later today @HowieMandel. They went to break after that.
- Eric Andre Visits. 10/22/14. 7:55am
After the break they played a Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard spoke to an author about his book with Blue Iris playing a descendent of a witch. Fred also played ZZ Top performing ''La Grange'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio as they were coming back.
Howard came back and asked what song this is. Fred told him what it was. Howard said he loves those guys. Howard said he was talking to Howie and Eric Andre showed up. Howard said he hadn't heard of his show until they booked him on the show. Howard said it's sort of like Ali G but it's also a talk show. He said it's hard to describe.
Howard had Eric Andre come in. Eric said this is his first time ever doing anything. Howard said he's trying to figure out how to describe what they did up there yesterday. Howard told him to hold on while he talks to Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann said that she thinks someone played a big prank on her yesterday. Howard said they did. Mariann asked him not to hang up on her. Howard did.
Howard said Eric was up there yesterday answering phone calls. Howard asked Eric if he hates talk shows. Eric said no. He said he hates cheesiness in talk shows. He said he's not a huge Jay Leno fan. Howard said Eric's show is on at 12:15 in the morning on Adult Swim. Eric said he likes that. He said it's the secret little thing that some people know about. Howard said they go right to the jokes and the show is only 11 minutes long. Eric said that's the way they want it to be.
Howard asked Eric if he's a tough guy. Eric said he's the hugest pussy in the world. He said he's black and Jewish and he says that he's 50 percent black and 150 percent Jewish. Howard said he saw the Seth Rogen segment he did and he was trying to figure out what he was. Eric said he has a joke about how his mom looks like Howard Stern. He said that his mom says that Howard is a very handsome man. Howard said that's the problem. He's a man. Eric said he's just joking around about that.
Howard said that Eric has said that if he and Robin had a kid that's what it would look like. Howie said they met around the right time to make that happen.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he was being fucked around with yesterday. Howard said Eric was hanging around yesterday answering phones and Bobo was calling in. He said that Eric did this to him. Howard played a clip of Eric taking a call from Bobo and asking who that is. Bobo was getting upset with him for not knowing who he was. Eric was asking him how to spell it and things like that. Eric said this is a Florida number and they're not taking southern calls for a while. Bobo said that he knew there was a conspiracy. Eric said they were going to put him on hold for a couple of hours. Eric was jerking him around and said that he's not coming up in the databases he had to terminate the call.
Howard said Bobo has nothing but time to be on the phone. He said he has this arrogance about everyone knowing who he is. Bobo said that he always calls up and they know who he is. Howard said Bobo called in and left a voicemail getting all upset about that. Howard played that clip too and he was freaking out that someone didn't know who he was.
Howard said Bobo was pranked. Bobo said he's glad that Steve is okay. He said he thought he was kidnapped. Howard said Eric also fucked with Mariann from Brooklyn. Howard played that clip and Eric was saying that she wasn't coming up in their system. Eric asked her to turn her radio all the way up. then he said they had to terminate the call. Mariann said she was going to hang up on him. Howard said then Mariann calls back using another voice. She was calling as someone else. Howard played that clip and Mariann kept saying she wanted to talk to Howard. Eric put her on hold.
Howard said that Jeff the Drunk got upset with him too. Howard played that clip and Jeff demanded to talk to Howard right now. Eric said he's on the air. Jeff said ''No shit dickhead!'' Eric said he was going to have to put him on hold for like 45 minutes. Jeff said ''Fuck you dude!''
Howard said Mariann did a great voice there. Howard picked up on her again. They spent a minute with her and hung up on her again.
Howard said Eric has this show on Adult Swim. He asked how many they do. Eric said they do 10 per season. Howard said they do whacked out things that put his life in danger. Howard said he went to a MENSA meeting and he told them that he has a 400 IQ. Howard said he was wearing a suit of armour too. Eric said he thought that was going to be a complete dud but they freaked out and made it great.
Howard asked how many people work on that show. Eric said he has two partners who are genius directors. He said they have a writer's room where they have about 10 comedians. Howard said at one point he takes a microphone and puts it in some guy's pizza and it looks like he's going to kick his ass. Eric said that guy whipped out his dick and flapped it in his face. Eric said the guy actually whipped it out when he said he was going to suck it. Howard asked if they can show that on the show. Eric said they could but they wanted to keep the show moving.
Howard said Eric did a bit where he ran into a donut shop and he gets handcuffed and the cop makes out with him. Eric said it was a Jamaican place. He said that he's never done that before so that was the first dude he has ever Frenched. Howard asked what that was like. Eric said it was like Frenching a girl with a beard. He said he was into it. Howard said the reactions are the thing. Howard asked how many cameras they have. Eric said it's 3 or 4. Howard said they get such great coverage. Howard said that's what the comedy is. Howard said it's hard core stuff too. Howard asked if the guy he made out with is gay. Eric said he is. He said he's a great kisser too. Howard said he thought it was kind of sloppy. Eric said he would call it passionate.
Howard said Eric did this bit where they had Seth Rogen get into a Velcro suit and he smashes through a wall. Howard said that makes him crack up every time. Howard said it's kind of Three Stooges thing. Eric said that the Jackass guys and Sacha Baron Cohen are his influences. Howard said that his show is kind of like that but different too. Howard said it is its own thing.
Eric said that Howard is an influence too. He said he interviewed Easy E after the riots in Los Angeles. He asked if he remembers that. Howard said he remembers the riots and the station in Los Angeles telling him not to say anything because they were afraid of getting killed. Eric said that was one of the best interviews he's ever heard.
Howard asked how old Eric is. He said he's 31. Howard asked how long he's been doing comedy. Eric said he's been doing it 11 years. He said before he sold the show he was just barely scraping by. Howard asked about going to music school. Eric said he played upright bass. Howard asked what kind of band he was going to play in. Eric said he wanted to play bass. He said he can play bass guitar too. He said he was in a bunch of horrible bands. He said he was in a rap metal band in high school. Howard asked if he was in a band called ''I Love Abortions.'' Eric laughed and said that was the name of a song he had. Howard asked how that song goes. Eric said he's going to get so much hate mail over that. He said he gets enough of that. He said people want to murder him. He said people are just nuts.
Howard asked if he gets physically hurt a lot doing his show. Howard said at the start of his show is really funny and he must get hurt shooting it. Eric said he has fucked his ass up. He said he bashed through the table and smashed to the ground. He said he has two bulging discs in his spine already and he's always in pain. Howard asked if he ever thinks that he could be funny without doing that stuff. Eric said he might have to do that. Howard asked if he has the Johnny Knoxville state of mind where he just keeps doing it. Eric said he does think about getting another gig.
Howard asked if he ever injured his balls smashing into the desk on his show. Eric said he has. Howard asked if he's afraid of being racked with pain when he gets older. Eric said he thought that it would be cool to blow his brains out on live TV. Howard asked if he's suicidal. Eric said he's not but no one blows their brains out like that other than R. Budd Dwyer. Howard said he saw that and he hates that he did. He said he can't get it out of his head.
Howard told Eric about the shows he did at WWOR Channel 9. Howard said they did some wild stuff there. Howard said that they would sabotage the guests on that show. Howard asked if Seth knew what he was getting into. Eric said some of the guests do but 90 percent don't. Howard said Maria Menounos was on and she had no idea. Eric said she had zero idea. Howard said they were shocking her with an electroshock thing. Eric said they had to ask if they could zap her during the interview. Eric said she said something about being into bondage. He said the producers cranked it up to high when she was out on the stage.
Howard said Eric had someone on and he was puking and eating his own vomit. Eric said that was their first walk out. He said it was Loren Conrad. Eric said he had some fake vomit under his desk and she was talking to Hannibal and he put some in his mouth. Then he puked it and slurped it up. He said they aired her leaving but not the publicist freaking out on them.
Howard asked if they have a writing meeting to come up with the bits. Eric said they come up with gags they can do for anybody. He said then they apply those gags to the guests.
Howard said there's a bit they do where they're in a museum and they crash and smash the whole museum. Howard asked where that happened. Eric said they rented out a gallery space and had an art show. Eric said they cast some seat filler people that they hired.
Howard asked if he's ever shot anything that they weren't allowed to air. Eric said that Carmen Electra almost didn't let them air her segment. He said she refused to sign a release until they were done. Howard asked if he's ever turned down anything that was too hard core for him. Eric said not really.
Howard asked if the producers ever warn him that they could get killed. Eric said they do have those discussions a lot.
Howard said when Mel B was on he grabbed her tits. Eric said that he did and they felt great. He said she was an awesome guest. He said she got that they were just being fuckers. Howard said the more popular the show gets the harder it will be to shock people. Eric said he feels like Sacha Baron Cohen did that movie of his because of that.
Howard asked Eric about doing the show and why he thinks he wasn't able to get acting jobs. Eric said he had a tough time getting through auditions and things. Howard said he seems to natural. Eric said he has had anxiety his whole life. Howard asked if he knows where that comes from. Eric said it might be from the Judaism. He said his parents got divorced when he was like 13. Howard said maybe he just thought he wasn't going to make it like his parents did. Eric said that he went to a music school so he never learned to act. He said they think if you're a stand up they think you can just start acting.
Eric said he was going to pop a Viagra and ride the Sybian. He said he was hoping to do that but he forgot to take the Viagra. Howard said he will have to get rid of that boner. Eric said he thinks even if you beat off it still pumps. Howard asked to see the pill. Eric said he wanted to split it with Howard. Howard said he's never tried one. He said he's afraid of them. Eric said he has anxiety and he wonders how it will affect him. Howard asked if he's going to fuck him or just ride the Sybian. Eric said he was thinking of taking Ex-lax and Viagra. He said he's not sure if he should cut it in half. Howard said he really doesn't know. Robin said it may take 20-30 minutes to get into his system. Eric said he'll see what happens. He popped the pill and Howard said he just got hard. Howard wondered how long it will take.
Howard said he has more questions while they wait for the Viagra to kick in. Howard said that he must be a tremendous failure in his father's eyes. Eric said his dad is proud of him. He said his dad can't watch his show all the way through though.
Howard asked Benjy to take a finger from Eric. Benjy said he took Viagra once when Bill O'Reilly was on the show. He was going to jerk off in the studio at the same time he was there. Eric said they did that on their show. He said they had a dildo and one of the guys was pretending to jerk off to a wrestler. He said they were going to have Buck Angel on the show. Eric said they were going to have Buck and a chick with a dick fuck each other off camera. He said the lawyers said they couldn't do that though. Eric said he was going to try to take a shit on his desk during an interview. He said he took a shit right before the interview because he forgot about it.
Howard said one of his favorite bits he did was when he was in a restaurant sitting alone and this woman comes running in and screaming at him. He said she breaks a Ketchup bottle at him. Then she takes a bag of feces and throws it at him. Eric said no one knew in there. He said they have really small cameras that they use to catch that stuff. Howard said they have to get clearance from everyone too. Eric said they do. Howard asked if they ever have to shit can stuff because they cant get releases. Eric said that people get really angry and they refuse to sign them.
Eric said he had one guy get really pissed at him in the subway. He said he was dressed up in Fruit Loops and telling people that he was their communion and throwing milk and spoons around. He said they had to chase one guy around for blocks.
Howard asked if the Viagra is kicking in. Eric said he feels like something is flowing in his veins but he's not hard. Benjy said that's what he was going to say. He said he has to get turned on. Benjy asked who turns him on. Eric said that Sophia Vergara turns him on. Howard told Gary to come in and blow him. Gary said he has a Playboy. Howard told him to bring it in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he did some research with Viagra and he said that he has to stimulate himself. He said that his blood pressure could drop and he could have some blue vision too. He said he could get dizzy from it. Eric said he's killing his boner.
Howard asked if he's trying to turn himself on now. Howard said maybe he can lay on his stomach and turn himself on looking at the Playboy. Howard had Robin talk dirty to him. Robin wasn't sure what to say. Howard told Fred to play some clips. Howard said maybe if he wraps some underwear around Gary's lips he can fuck those lips like a vagina. Eric laughed.
Fred played some audio of Robin faking an orgasm for Eric. Eric said that isn't her. Howard said it really is. Fred played some audio of the Rappin' Granny on the Sybian too. Eric got a laugh when he heard Blue iris saying ''I'm fingering my cunt.''
Howard said he has his mom on the phone. The guys in the back were playing clips of Howard doing his mom's voice and talking dirty. Eric was just laughing at them.
Howard asked if Eric is seeing anyone. Eric said he's a series of broken relationships kind of guy. Howard asked why he can't be in a loving relationship. Eric said he's just having fun right now.
Eric asked to hear some Little Lupe clips. Fred played him some of those. He played her saying ''My pussy is like a machine'' and things like that. Howard asked if he's flying back to L.A. today. Eric said he's going to Toronto today. He said he's shooting a show for FXX today.
Howard said they put a clip of his show up on HowardStern.com because he wants everyone to know about this show. Howard said he thinks that the show is great. He said you don't have to see previous seasons to catch up. He said you're right up to speed. Howard asked how many they do a season. Eric said it's 10 a season and they replay all of the seasons all the time. Eric said that he loves Adult Swim. He said they let him do whatever he wants.
Howard asked Eric if he wanted to try the Sybian. Eric said he was ready to try it but he's soft. He asked Howard if he really has a small dick. Howard said he really does. Eric said he has a feeling it's not that small and he's like John Holmes. Howard said he's 6'5'' and he really has nothing down there. Howard said he is so small and he's very tall so what kind of man is he?
Howard said the Sybian attachment is all new. Gary said the attachment is brand new and right out of the package. Eric stripped down and got on the Sybian. Howard asked how big he is. Eric said he's alright. He said he has never measured it. Howard said he won't laugh because he's so small himself. Eric showed Howard his cock and Howard said he has a big one.
Eric sat on the Sybian. Howard asked why he's sitting on his penis. Eric said he wanted to tuck so it looks like he has a vag. Gary started the Sybian and turned it right up to full power. Eric thought he was going to shit. Howard asked if anything was happening. Eric said it felt like he had to shit. He said that's all he was getting from it. Howard said Gary is staring at him. Gary said he's not staring at anything. Eric said he can't do it. Gary said he was looking at Howard waiting for him to tell him to stop. Eric said he just loosened his bowels. He was feeling nothing with his cock.
Howard said Eric is the first guy to sit on the Sybian after taking Viagra. Howard congratulated him though. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. They played a prank call Captain Janks made to a show asking a news anchor if she'd ever bang Howard Stern.
- Viagra Discussions. 10/22/14. 9:00am
After the break Howard came right back and said they had a busy show this morning. Howard said they had Howie Mandel and Eric Andre.
Howard took a call from Nicole Bass who said she doesn't have a deep voice. She said they change it from day to day. She said sometimes they think she sounds feminine. Howard said they have never thought she was feminine. Howard said that guy wasn't doing a bit on Leiberman Live. Howard said Alex thought she was a man. Nicole said it was a bit for the show. Howard just agreed with her that she's very feminine. He said he's not going to argue.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was calling about Eric taking Viagra. She said it takes 30 minutes to an hour for it to work. Howard said Eric just said to him that he's flying to do some TV show. The caller said that he's going to have a hard cock for an hour or so. She said that she has taken it and it takes a while to work. She said it made her clit hard, engorged and bright red. She said it was super sensitive too. She said she was with a couple of guys from Vegas. Howard asked if she was with them at once. She said they all took Viagra. She said it made it good for her. She said it made her orgasm really intense. Howard asked if it goes back down right away. She said it was sensitive for 2 or 3 hours after. She said if she just barely touched it then she'd have an orgasm. Howard said it sounds like it works better for her than it does for a dude. She said the guys were pretty happy too. Howard asked if her clit is big enough she can put a condom on it. She said she's not Nicole Bass. She said that she did get big enough to come out of her clitoral hood. Howard said he doesn't even know what that is. Howard said he never looks that hard down there. Howard said he just rubs that area and hopes for the best.
Howard asked the caller who she looks like. She said Ronnie follows her on Twitter. Howard asked if Ronnie has a picture of her. Howard said Ronnie knows all of these girls. Howard said her name is Meagan. She said she was Meagan K Taylor but then she said it was @MKTaylor. Howard asked if she's hot. Ronnie said he's not sure unless she has a lot of pictures on there. Howard asked how big her tits are. She said she's a 28-FF.
Howard asked Meagan where she met these guys. She said she was at a party. She said that she did this before she had the implants. Howard asked how they got her up to the room. She explained to Howard how it happened.
Jason came in and said that they can't see her account. She has it locked. Meagan said that she's trying to find Jason's request to follow her.
Hoar asked Meagan what she's wearing. She said that she is wearing clothes to go to work. She said that she gets in trouble for what she wears. Meagan said that she wears tight fitting pants and she'll get sent home but other women with cottage cheese on her legs will wear tight pants and not get sent home.
Howard said Eric Andre is on the phone and he claims he has a boner. Howard picked up on him and Eric said as soon as he got out of the elevator he got rock hard. He said he might go to the Sybian shop and do something. Howard said he should beat off. Eric said it's embarrassing to walk around now. He said there's a sea of people walking around and he's embarrassed. Meagan said that he might have to tuck it in. She said that he'll still be hard even after he cums.
Howard asked what time the table read is. Eric said it's at 4. Howard said he's going to walk through the airport and get on a plane. Robin said they'll do the pat down at the airport. Eric said he'll be at Newark Airport. Eric said some guy just grabbed his cock when he took a picture with him. Howard said Eric is going to be at Newark Airport with a full boner. Eric said he's flying on Air Canada.
Meagan asked if she wanted her to fly up there. Eric said he's ready for her. Howard said that she's a player. Howard said that he's pretty big too. Howard said they're all going to go to the airport to take a look. Howard let Eric go after that.
Howard got a picture of Meagan and said she is cute. Howard said her tits don't look that giant. Robin said she has a small 28 chest so the measurement is going to be different than Howard expects.
Howard asked Meagan about fucking the two guys in Vegas. Howard asked if they both did her. She said one of the guys passed out. Howard said they're lucky dudes. Howard found out she has a 12 year old kid and then he said he had to go. Howard said that he's done with that.
Howard saw another picture of Meagan. Howard said that one looks pretty good too. Howard said just imagine you walk into her room with a Viagra.
Ronnie said he tried Viagra once. He said Bubba gave him one. He said it was good shit. He said he had Stephanie with him. Howard asked how many times he banged her. Ronnie said he did it twice within like an hour and a half. He said that shit works. Ronnie said he took half a pill. He said he went down when he finished but then he saw her walking around in her underwear and he popped again. Howard said that poor girl. Howard said that Bubba is a fun guy. Howard said he had to take a break before getting to the news.
- Robin's News. 10/22/14. 9:25am
After the break Howard came back and took a call from Casey Kasem's corpse who said his eyeball just fell out of his skull. He said he'll get back to them about his whereabouts. Howard wondered if Viagra would work on him. Casey said ''yeah.''
Howard said the thought of Eric Andre walking around the airport with a boner is great. Fred played Robin into her news with a Mark the Bagger song parody about her.
Robin was about to start her news but Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked him not to call him Jeff the bore. Howard said that Jeff the Drunk is no better. Jeff asked them to just call him Jeff. Howard said he doesn't think that will work. Robin said people are interested in him again now that he's Jeff the Bore. Howard said he wanted to see if he's really boring. Howard asked what he did yesterday. Jeff said ''nothing.'' Fred played a clip saying ''Bor-ing'' and Jeff said something about Eric Andre and he played the boring clip again. Howard asked what the most exciting thing he did this week was. Jeff said probably talking to Howard. Howard asked Jeff to prove him wrong. Jeff said he did have company the other night but nothing happened. He said they just smoked weed and drank.
Robin asked what went on with the sex doll they sent him. Jeff said nothing happened with that either. Jeff said she's fucking heavy. Howard played a bit they did about Jeff where they talk about how drinking can make you really boring.
Jeff said it really is depressing. Howard thanked Jeff for the call. Jeff told him to have a good fucking weekend. Howard and Robin wished him the same. They played him out with a Jeff the Bore song parody.
Robin read a story about how an abortion group is going to show video of abortion procedures outside the Alamo. Howard went into his thoughts on abortion and how we have so many unwanted kids in this world already. Howard said he hopes no one with a conscience shows up.
Robin asked Howard to play a clip for her. Howard played a clip of the song Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty. Robin said that the guy who did the saxophone riff in the song died of a heart attack at the age of 60. His name is Raphael Ravenscroft. Robin said that one part of the song is brilliant. Howard said he doesn't like that song and he never really did. Howard played some of the song and cut it off saying that this part blows.
Robin read a story about a nun winning the Italian version of The Voice. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Baker Street. Robin had Howard play some of the nun singing ''Like a Virgin'' on The voice. Howard said it's weird that a nun is singing that song. Robin said the woman has an album coming out soon.
Howard took a call from Balls whose phone connection was really bad. Howard said whatever he said sounded positive. Howard played a theme song for him that Little Mikey did. Howard told Balls that his call was all muddled and muffled. It was just a mess.
Robin read a story about the new iPad that's coming out. Howard said he's not that excited about it. He said it's like they're all the same thing. Howard said he's happy with his. Robin said they do say that you don't need to upgrade. Robin said it's thinner and lighter but it doesn't do much more. It has the fingerprinting thing on it and a better camera. Howard said he has been burned enough times that he won't upgrade. He said his new iPhone is nice but it doesn't really do anything nice. Robin said they say that the new iPad has a SIM card slot that lets you swap it out if you travel. Howard said they need to do something new.
Gary asked Howard if he ever uses his iPad to take video or pictures. Howard said he has but not a lot. He said he uses his phone most of the time. Howard said he wants these things to do something new. He said he wants an innovation. Robin said they say the Wi-Fi might be faster. Howard said it won't be. He said he thinks they've run out of ideas. Howard said he thought the watch was a good idea but then he heard there are already 20 others out on the market.
Howard said the new IOS was going to be cool but even that isn't. He said it feels unexciting. Howard said we want new things and innovation. Robin said she just got the iPad Mini and she loves it. Howard said he's satisfied with the one he has. Robin said she might upgrade her's. She said she was just trying it out.
Robin read a story about a guy at a restaurant being charged with food tampering after he spit in it when a customer sent it back to be cooked more. Robin said he was arrested and fired. Howard said that's just gross.
Robin read a story about students in a high school fighting against pornography. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard said his mom gave him a subscription to Playboy at the age of 13. Howard said his mom told him that these women don't really look like that and they're not real. Howard said his mom said they were freaks and they don't look like that. Howard said he told her to give him one of those freaks. Howard said he did get that lecture from her. Howard said his mom told him how horrible it was going to be. Howard said he didn't beat off to that stuff that much. He said he beat off to a nudist magazine he found on the road. He said it was much more hard core. Howard said he preferred that over Playboy. Howard said they looked more like his mom. He said they were real women.
Robin read a story about the guy who broke into the White House. Robin said they say he's not competent to stand trial. Howard said that's what happens here. He said that they don't give these people real jail time. Robin said they are going to evaluate him more before going further.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Fred did something really funny yesterday. He said Robin read a story about Garry Indiana and Fred played that ''Gary!'' clip. He said that was brilliant. Ralph also said that these iPads are so great that people don't need to replace them. He said that's what's wrong with them. Howard said that they need to do something different. Howard said they need innovation. He said they came out with great things like the iPod. Howard said no one had ever seen anything like that. Ralph said the new software is buggy too. He said that never happened when Steve Jobs was there. Ralph was upset about the iPhoto app not being available anymore. Howard said he just uses Dropbox. Ralph said he's afraid of stuff getting stolen.
Howard said he thought Apple was going to have holograms by now. Ralph said Howard doesn't even like Facetime. Howard said that's true. He said it would be cool if they did the hologram thing. Ralph said they have a floating hover board that some scientists are working on. Robin said it's only an inch off the ground though.
Howard said that he thinks they need to invent something cool. Ralph said they did have projectors in phones for a while. Howard said that can't be that hard to invent. Ralph said he thinks the Apple Watch is going to be cool. Howard said he doesn't think so. Howard said he thinks the Apple Pay thing is cool. Ralph said they get like one percent of the transaction so that should help their stock.
Jason came in and showed Howard his watch and it took video and pictures right from the watch. He said he has alerts that pop up and all of that. He said he has the Samsung Gear watch. He said it has a pedometer too.
Howard said Jason went to Meatopia over the weekend. Jason said he goes and he went last year too. He said he doesn't eat that much there. He said you can get small samples from a lot of restaurants. Jason said he went behind the scenes to see how the prepare the meat and things like that. Jason said he tried a smoked, pig cheek. Howard said he didn't want to hear about that now.
Robin got back to her news and read about a senator who has a list of the ways this country wastes money. Robin read some of the things that were on the list. Howard said you don't mind paying taxes until you hear about the waste. Howard said you hear they took the money and spent it on monkey studies for dumb shit. Howard said it's so frustrating. Howard said it's money you could have put in your pocket. Howard said the government has to stop that shit. Howard said if he were in government he would dedicate his life to stoping that shit.
Robin read a story about 3 teen girls who were traveling to Syria to join ISIS and they were intercepted in Germany and returned to their families. Howard said they should be put in jail. Robin said they arrested someone the other day who was coming there to go to Oklahoma to start up some ISIS training.
Robin read about how we've been dropping weapons to the Kurds and some of that fell into ISIS hands. Howard said he saw that on the news the other night. Howard said he saw that they intercepted the weapons. Robin said the White House was saying that this was old stuff trying to put a spin on it.
Robin read about how 10 percent of breast cancer can be traced to genetics. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about breast cancer tests. Robin said they say you don't have to lop off your breasts.
Robin read about an NBC camera man who is free of Ebola. Robin said that he's being let out of the contamination unit but he will have to take time to recover from it. Robin read some other news about the handling of Ebola and had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about a guy who was a prisoner in North Korea for a couple of years after he left a bible in a club.
Robin read about the football team hazing scandal in New Jersey and how a few teachers are still suspended. Robin had some audio of an NFL football player talking about going to that school and how he wouldn't have any success without the coaches there.
Robin read a story about a catholic school teacher who left a school after having sex with a few students. Robin said she has resigned her job there.
Robin read about how Malala Yousafzai has received the Nobel peace prize and another prize. Robin had some audio of her making a speech. Robin said you don't realize just how brave this girl is. She took a bullet to the head from a Taliban member for speaking out.
Robin read a story about morning cereals and how there are ways to get your kids to eat it. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard said that radio is fucked up. He just realized that they do a 4 hour show. Howard said that they do 27 minutes of commercials too. Howard said half his day is gone now. Howard said he should have left the room with Howie. Howard said he's like a babysitter. He said the parents went away and they have to sit there all night. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
- Wrap Up Show - Eric Andre. 10/22/14. 10:15am
Jon Hein started the show going over what happened on the show this morning. Jon mentioned the Angry Birds discussion they had and Gary said he missed that whole fad. Jon said it's kind of died off lately.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Eric Andre. He said that he spent a lot of time with them the past 2 days. He said Howard enjoyed him. Gary said he likes him a lot. Gary said he's good to hang around with. He said he figured out who he was when he saw him on ''Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23'' and you wouldn't know that it's the same guy doing that show on Adult Swim. He said he's a different guy. Gary said that he likes that show he does too because he gets in and gets out of his bits quickly.
Jon asked Gary about Eric doing the phone thing yesterday. Gary said that everyone has to call in on the regular line there and they had Eric Andre on the line and he was messing with Mariann and Bobo. Gary said when Mariann changed her voice it reminded him of the time Fred the Elephant Boy tried to change his voice for a dating service. He said they know it's his voice.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it sounds like some crazy misplaced ego with them when they get so upset. Gary said he's torn on it in some ways. He said they contribute to the show every day and they have earned something but not the sense of entitlement they have. Gary said that Steve came to him and said now he sees the shit he has to deal with every day. Steve said that Bobo and Mariann don't act like that every day. He said that everyone else acts like that every day. Steve said if you tell someone they have a shitty phone then they get upset and ask who they're talking to like they think they can get Gary to put them up.
Gary said Stuttering John used to have to deal with the callers. He said he loved fighting with them. Gary said that he had to tell him to just move on and not get into a fight over it. Steve said that people can get very mad when you tell them they might not get on.
Jon said that you feel like you're part of the show the first time you get on. He said with Bobo and Mariann they are part of the show. He said he can understand why they would feel that way. He said if a new guy comes in they feel that's a threat to them. Gary said he feels that people like King of All Blacks who demands to stay on but Bobo doesn't do that. He said Bobo begs. Jon said that you want to stay on the air as much as possible.
Gary said what he would tell the callers is that he doesn't care if you've been on hold for 3 hours. If it doesn't work for the show at that time then it's not going to work. He said it's all about Howard.
Bobo called in and said that he doesn't have a sense of entitlement. He said he didn't recognize the voice and he bought into it. Gary said he felt entitled to get on the air. Bobo said he just wondered how he couldn't know him. Bobo said he just meant that he didn't understand how he didn't know who he is.
Jon asked Bobo if he thinks that when you work the phones there you should know automatically. Bobo said he thinks if you work there you should know who he is. Bobo said the interns there know the show and they knew him.
Benjy asked if there is any instruction for Bobo to put him through. Steve said most of the people these days call the same line that every listeners calls. Steve said they deal with him and not the interns so much. He said there are no special instructions for Bobo.
Gary said back in the day they had to screen the celebrities. He said he had to ask Sting what his real name was and things like that. He said that he could tell if someone was full of shit. He said he would ask who their publicist was. He said if they freaked out and said they didn't have to tell him then he knew they were full of it. Gary said Bruce Willis was calling in once and he went to the bathroom for like 2 minutes. Gary said he told and intern to just answer and not grill Bruce. He said he came back and heard the intern grilling him. He said Bruce wasn't thrilled with that.
Jon asked Bobo what he thought was happening yesterday. Bobo said he thought he was being taken out of the loop. He said when Eric told him he had to ask his question in 3 words then he was freaking out. He said he gets an adrenaline rush from being on the air and he has to be on. Gary said that some people get frantic if they don't get on. Gary said Melrose Larry used to get insane if he wasn't on the air often. He said he'd get cursed out and called names if he wasn't on.
Benjy said that they all feel that way. He said it's not reasonable or healthy but that is Bobo's identity and he felt he was losing it. Bobo said that the look on his face when he doesn't get on the air. She, Dawn, got on the line and said he goes into a depression if he doesn't get on the air. She said she has to stay away from him as far as possible. Jon asked if she was around him yesterday. She said she was and he was trying to come up with other questions. She said she tried to tell him that it could be a practical joke but he doesn't believe anything she tells him.
Benjy said he thought Dawn didn't like Bobo's association with the show. Dawn said that she thinks he's just got an obsession with it. She said it takes over his whole life. She said she has to step back from it. Jon asked if she has thought of destroying his notebooks. She said she hasn't but she has thought about getting him psychiatric help. Gary asked if she uses the show when they fought. She said she has done that.
Dawn said that she almost broke up with Bobo when she found out his association with the show. She said that he kept it secret from her until he put a ring on her finger. She said that she almost broke it off with him.
Jon asked Dawn to throw Bobo back on. Bobo got back on and Jon said that was a big move putting her on the air. Bobo said she puts up with him. He said she lets him have a whole part of the house dedicated to Howard.
Jon asked if Bobo let her know how big of a fan h was when they got engaged. Bobo said it was a big secret. He said it was one secret and then a bigger secret on top of that. He said that he told her that he was an extreme fan. He said that he also told her about the hair on his head but she had already figured that out. He said she's a hair dresser so she knew. Gary said you don't have to be a hair dresser to figure that out. Bobo said he knows.
Jon took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she knew that Bobo was taking it to the next level and they refused to take his call on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Jon asked when she came up with the idea to call in as another person. Mariann said she tried doing that and then did the *67 thing to keep her number from showing up. She said she had to get on because she had so many things to say. She said she knew that they were screwed because Howard wasn't taking regular callers. She said she knew it was a prank. She said she told Bobo that. Mariann said she called in about 3 million times this morning. She said there was no way she wasn't getting on today.
Gary asked if Bobo believed it was a prank. Mariann said that he was still on the fence. Mariann said Bobo thought that Steve was fired and she knew that he couldn't have been fired. Mariann said that she had so much drama gong on that she had to tell everyone to get out of the house so she'd have her space.
- Wrap Up Show - Bobo, Viagra And More. 10/22/14. 10:45am
After the break Jon said he wanted to talk about Benjy telling Eric Andre what it would be like to take Viagra. Benjy said he's only tried it twice and it was for the show. Benjy said he did it for the time Bill O'Reilly was on and he took it in preparation for that. He said he had pain in his arm after taking it. Jon asked Gary if he's ever taken it. Gary said he tried Cialis once and it did nothing for him. Jon said that nothing happened for Eric until he left. He said then it hit him. He said it worked for Ronnie though.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said Newark isn't disgusting enough and now Eric is walking around with a hard on. Ralph said that it's no big deal to take that stuff.
Ralph asked who Eric played on the Bitch in Apartment 23. They said he was the guy in the coffee shop. Ralph went on to say that Bobo is a complete asshole. He said he's lucky Howard even picks up on his calls. He said to ask if they even know who he is shows he's a douche bag. He said he likes Bobo but it's creepy and weird. He said just imagine his wife being with someone who is so obsessive about something. Gary said maybe she sees something in him. Gary said she has figured it out. Gary said people figure things out in their own way. Jon said they must be meant for each other. Jon said they do work well for some reason. Ralph said it's just scary when he goes off the deep end like that.
Jon brought up the stories that Howard and Howie were telling about Mel B. Ralph said they were great. He said he loves Mel too. He said she's great.
Jon said Howard really doesn't like lateness. He said that it can piss anyone off if they just show up whenever they want. Gary said that he heard a story about a guy who held up a table read and he wasn't even top billed. He said that he would be horrified to be 2 hours late to anything and especially something where people can dictate your career in the future.
Ralph said that maybe Mel was trying to pad her time. He said maybe they get started early and don't get going right away.
Gary brought up how Benjy showed up last minute to the plane they took to Florida. Benjy said he got on the plane before they were scheduled to leave. Ralph said he did that once to him. He said he showed up at 8:55 for a 9:00 flight and Beth had to tell Howard to stop the plane.
Gary said he shows up early every time. He said that he doesn't want to be late at all. Ralph said it's just as annoying to be early as it is to be late. Ralph said you should be there when expected.
Ralph said that he's also upset with Howard leaving at 8:55 when he said it was a 9:00 flight. Ronnie said you can't have people waiting for you. Jon told him to hold on to that and they'll talk about it more after the break.
- Wrap Up Show - Ronnie's Strip Club Show. 10/22/14. 10:55am
After the break Jon said that Ronnie had a big day today. Jon asked if this was the moment he found out what was going on with the TV show. Ronnie said he already knew. Jon asked if he felt he was going to find out something new today. Ronnie said not really. He said Lisa was trying to interview him earlier. He said he's not upset about it. He said he's been there for all these years and he's happy where he's at. He said whatever extra comes along is fun for him. He said he did the block parties and the Stamos movie and all of that. He said that's fun but this is his main thing.
Jon said you must be disappointed when it comes up short like that. Gary said that your mind jumps from one thing to another. He said that you start to imagine the best case scenario but then you go to the worst case. Jon said he tries not to get his hopes up too high. Ronnie said that he got the phone call in July and Howie said he pitched a couple of channels. He said he's not sure that's true. Gary said he thinks it is. Gary said he thinks that this was Howie's hail Mary to get the idea out there. Gary said the one thing they got out of it is that Howie is still insanely passionate about it. Benjy said hearing him explain it did get him more into it. Benjy said hearing that it's a family thing made it kind of interesting. Benjy said he can't believe that it wouldn't work on one of the thousand channels out there.
Jon said Ronnie may have missed it but Howard talked about an issue he had in the limo. Jon played a clip of Howard talking about how he just wants one channel in his limo. Ronnie said freaking out isn't the word for what he was doing. Jon asked if he changes it when he leaves. Ronnie said he doesn't touch anything back there. He said there's a button he touches or something. Ronnie said he just had Richie Beilenson take care of it so every preset is Howard 100 and 101. Gary asked if there is an Emergency Broadcast System alert then Howard may miss it. Ronnie said he will only get 100 and 101. Jon said he thinks that Howard will be happy to hear that.
Jon asked what he can do when he hears Howard get so upset. Ronnie said he can't go back there and do anything while he's driving. Ronnie said that Howard said he was going to have to hire someone to sit back there to change the channel.
Jon said Howard said Eric Andre was the first guy to ride the Sybian but Ronnie rode it. Ronnie has no memory of that because he was hypnotized when he did it. Jon asked if he was surprised that the Viagra didn't kick in right away. Ronnie said it doesn't happen until you're doing something with a girl or a guy. He said then it might kick in.
Gary asked Ronnie if the Viagra has anything to do with how long you last. Ronnie said no. He said he got a 100mg pill. He cut it in half and took one half. He said an hour later he was ready to try it out. He said it worked really well. He said it takes about 45 minutes to really kick in. He said you feel your dick almost getting tingly. He said then they did their thing and he blew his load. He took the other half and it worked again. He said it's not like he had a hard on for 4 hours. Ronnie said he was still in a semi-hard state but he wasn't in the full hard. Gary asked if he could sleep on his stomach. Ronnie said he could.
Gary asked if Stephanie has ever tried it. Ronnie said she hasn't. Gary said all it really does is make blood go to your genitals. Jon said some guys think that it makes you less of a man if you have to take it. Ronnie said he doesn't have to take it. He said your hard on is like a fucking stick. He said sometimes it might not be completely there. He said it's like a rod that you can bang on the table. Lisa let out an ''Ooo'' when she heard that.
Jon said in the first hour of the show a caller asked Howard what his weirdest sexual request was and he told a story about that. Jon said Gary has a story about that. Gary said Howard had that weird fan come to his appearance. Gary said when he did appearances in 1986 or so he had a girl come up to Howard and he was pimping her out to him. Gary said there are some people in your life you know not to sleep with. Gary said she would show up to all of his appearances. Gary said that chick grabbed him and stuck her tongue down his throat.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's had anything like that happen to him. Ronnie said he had a situation at a block party where a couple came on to both of them. He said they wanted to do a swinging thing. He said that's not going to happen. Ronnie said he'd be fine with it if it was just a chick. Gary asked who he thinks is a hot chick now. Ronnie said Maria Menounos. Gary asked if he'd do it with her and Kevin. Ronnie said the guy is a buzz kill. He said the door is open if it's just Maria.
Jon asked Benjy if he has had anything like that happen. Benjy said that he's been asked to get completely naked but he can't do that. Gary said that he used to stare at a photo of Benjy naked in the lotus position for the past 8 years. Benjy said he'd like his body to be more like their bodies. Gary said he's shocked that anyone aspires to have his body.
Jon took a call from a guy who joked that he knows Ronnie can get Viagra with his AARP card. The caller also said that the shows that Ronnie is trying to pitch are so over saturated now. He also said that he'd rather suck on Nicole Bass' cock than listen to Phish because they suck. The guys spent a little time talking about Phish and how there are people who follow them around from city to city. Steve said that they can be passionate about a band and not follow them around. Gary said he has seen Springsteen in many cities but he goes home and sleeps in his own bed. Steve said he's not one of the nutty Phish fans. Jon said he is on the boards though.
Jon asked Lisa G what she had in the Howard 100 News headlines. Lisa ran down a list of things they had coming up today. Jon also got in a plug for today's Sternthology. They're playing that Easy E interview that Eric Andre mentioned today. The guys got in their plugs and ended the show around 11:15am.
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