JD And Richard's Football Bet Canceled? 01/25/23. 7:05am
Howard said he's excited to see Pam Anderson today. He said it's a Pam world we're living in. He said she's got a documentary and a book coming out. He said he has a lot to talk to her about. He said he had this feeling about her that she was really a tragic figure. He said she could have had a monster career. He said that she was a small town girl who had a big life but he feels she could have made a lot of money and found true love. Robin said you'd have to have advisors you trusted and people who took you under their wing but she didn't have that out in L.A. Howard said he has theories. He said he doesn't see Hugh Hefner being a good friend to her. He said this is just a tease. He said he's saving this for when she comes in.
Howard did his impression of Matt Friend doing the impression of him. He said people are commenting on Robin's appearance lately. He said she looks really good after her weight loss.
Howard said he was writing in his journal the other day and he wrote the date as 2026. He said he wrote in there that he had just lost 3 years of his life. He said he's not sure what happened there. He said he thinks that's when their contract ends there. He said maybe it was wishful thinking. He said his contract is up in 2026. He said the guys just told him that's the case. He was doing more of the Matt Friend impression asking ''Right Robin?'' over and over.
Howard said he was talking about the football game this weekend between the Chiefs and Bengals. He said they were trying to get a bet going with Richard and JD. He said JD came to him this morning saying he wasn't able to sleep last night. He said he doesn't want to be making out with Ronnie. He said he's not into this thing. He said he'll do anything for the show but this is making him lose sleep. He said he can't make JD make out with Ronnie. Robin said she likes to see him uncomfortable when this stuff comes up.
Howard said he can't figure out Ronnie's angle on this. He said it's weird. Ronnie said he is the bet. Howard said Ronnie is a very sexual guy and he's up for anything. Robin said they had no idea just how much. Howard said Ronnie is his guy. He said he'll do what you need him to do on the show. Richard said Ronnie wanted JD to lose so he didn't have to make out with him. Ronnie said absolutely.
Ronnie said he slept like a baby yesterday. He said he was in bed by 8. He said he has this thing going on because he got hit in the face with a garbage can. He said the other day he was out and the can had blown over outside. He said he went to pick it up and the flap on the can got hit by the wind and it smashed into his face and nose. He said it pushed his glasses into his eyes. He said now he has this thing on his eye. He broke a blood vessel in his eye. Howard said he has a mark on the side of his head too. Ronnie said it's just his nose and eye. He said he doesn't think it's broken but it fucking hurts. Richard asked if he fought back. Ronnie said he did. He said he fought back like Tom Chiusano and his suit.
Richard asked if he has video of the incident from his doorbell. Ronnie said he'll have Stephanie look for it. Howard said please do. Ronnie said he got so pissed he flung the garbage can. Howard said he showed him.
Howard said he wouldn't mind it if there was a bet with JD and Richard. He said Richard called his dad and told him the bet and that he might have to make out with Ronnie. Howard said his dad is so great. He doesn't even care that he's going to make out with a dude. He said you have to hear this. He said Richard's dad is just like ''Okay bub.'' JD said they wanted him to call his dad and he didn't want to do it. Ronnie said he wouldn't have cared. JD said yes he would.
Howard said Blitt called JD and asked him to call his dad. JD said it was Blitt. Howard said this is JD being asked to call his dad. He said JD just hangs up on him. Howard played the clip of Blitt asking JD to call his dad and JD hung up on Zoom right away. Ronnie said good for you dude.
Howard said Richard said he'd do it and he called his dad. Howard played that clip and Richard told his dad what was going on. Richard's dad didn't seem to care that much. He didn't make a big deal out of it. He said nothing surprises him after seeing what he's done with Sal. Howard said his dad is the best. Richard said he saw him do crazy shit with his buddies when he was living at home.
Howard said he noticed that he talks at half speed when he talks to his dad. He said that must be a Kansas thing. Richard said he thinks it's a him and his dad thing. He said he does slow down when he talks to his dad. Howard said it sounds like they're slow adults but it's more like the Andy of Mayberry thing. He said they just slow down. He said it's not like the city folk. Richard said there he was known as ''Slow'' when he was younger. He said they still call him that when he goes home.
Howard asked if he was good in school. Richard said he was actually. He said he was good in math and things like that. Howard had the Andy Griffith theme song playing and talked like Richard talking to his dad about the stuff he does on the show. He was also talking about why he's called ''Slow.''
Howard said he can't make JD make out with Ronnie. Richard said he likes the wiping the ass thing. JD said that Richard is like a Jackass kind of guy. He said he's not a Jackass guy. He said he's just a lame fucking guy. He said he's just a lame nerd who doesn't do anything.
Howard said if anyone can come up with something during the show today he'll think about it. Howard said JD was up at midnight not able to go back to sleep because of this bet. Ronnie said he thinks that JD thinks it's a jinx. He said that's going to fuck up the game for him.
Howard answered a knock at he door and it was fake Mark Wahlberg who was going off on JD for not just kissing that man on his lips. He said you can't go back on your word. Howard asked Mark how long he's been in the gym today. Mark said it's been 7 hours now. Howard asked Mark about JD having to shave his head if he loses. They mentioned shaving his pubes for that. JD said he'll shave his head. Howard said if he loses he shaves his head. If Richard loses then JD shaves his pubes and they'll glue them to Richard's face and he has to wear that pube beard for a full day. Robin said one day wasn't much. Richard said he has to wash his face at some point.
Howard said maybe Richard has to wear pube eyebrows too. Richard said only if JD has to shave his eyebrows if he loses. JD said he shaved his head years ago and he may not have looked his best.
Howard said Mark is amazing with his commitment. He said he has to try to inspire his guys. Fake Mark was talking about doing arm curls with 600 pounds. He said with his other hand he's shaving his pubes.
Howard said Mark has a perfect physique. He asked if he ever just works his calves. Mark said he does have to do that at times. Howard asked if he ever poses in the mirror and admires himself. Mark said that's half the point. JD was cracking up at the impression of Mark and Howard asked what's so funny. JD said it was a line about ''tongue punching a brown star'' that cracked him up.
Howard said Mark is very dedicated and he admires that. He said he's unbelievable. He asked if he has time for movies. Mark said he has too much to do. He said he has to get back to his work out now.
Howard asked if he ever has anyone over to train with him. Mark said Mario Lopez is always over there. He said he ash a great body too. Howard said some people would say he sends too much time in the gym. He said people say he's kind of short too. Fake Mark was getting angry and told him to say it again. Mark told Howard never to call him short. He was huffing and puffing about that. Howard said he has to compliment him on his symmetry. He said that's important to him. Mark said both sides matter. He said he jerks off with his left arm and you have to keep your body guessing. Richard said JD was just nodding to that.
Howard asked Mark if he ever thought about getting rid of his Boston accent. Mark said he did a movie called Limitless. He said everyone loves his accent. He said he can lose it if he wants to. He said that line ''Park the car in Harvard yard'' but he still had the accent. Howard had him trying a bunch of accents and they were all the same Mark Wahlberg voice. They didn't change his voice at all.
Howard asked why he hasn't played a super hero. Mark said he's playing Stephen Hawking next year actually. He did that voice but it was just Mark saying he was a computer.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves Mark's accent and he is so spot on with the accent. Mark said he's from there. Howard said he's also married to a beautiful model. He said he can't go out with Ann. Mark said that women would be all over him if he was single.
Howard let Mark go and told JD to tighten up his act. Mark said he knows JD has it in him. Howard said release your inner Wahlberg.
Howard asked JD if he feels good about this bet. JD said shaving his head is better than kissing Ronnie. Howard said Wayne Siegel said he'd put up like 2 grand but it was some convoluted thing. He said he's not even sure what he was going for. He said he was willing to put the money up for both guys. It was a grand for each. Howard said he had some stipulations for that though. He said he wanted Ronnie to fondle JD's balls or something. Howard said thanks to Wayne but that's probably not going to happen.
Howard asked if the bet is on or off. JD said he'll do it. He said he'll shave his head and grow his pubes out for the bet. He said he keeps his pubes manicured. Howard asked if they're long enough to make a beard. JD said they might be but he may not know until he shaves them all off.
Howard said he has long pubes. He said he has to cut them with a scissor. He said they need them nice and long. JD said he only has a clipper. He said he has scissors but doesn't use them for that. Howard said he should have scissors. JD said that he has them but he doesn't use them for trimming down there.
Howard said JD can't even use a lighter so he may hurt himself with scissors. Ronnie said he'll probably cut his cock off. Richard told him to use those kid safe scissors.
Howard did his impression of Richard talking to his dad again. He had him telling him about the pube beard.
Richard's Beer Trading. 01/25/23. 7:45am
Howard asked Richard what he's doing in the office now handing out beer. Richard said he's trading beer. He said he gets a hold of some cool beers. Howard said Richard is walking around handing out beer. He said it's weird beer. He said it's micro brewery stuff. He said Mike Trainor told him he was feeling weird about it. Mike got on and told him how he got some beer up in Vermont that they both like and they started trading it around. Howard asked how they decide who gets beer. JD said he hasn't gotten any. Richard said he gave him some. He said he has given everyone some at some point. Ronnie said he and Richard used to trade it off all the time. Richard said he can't fill his backpack full of 50 beers or he won't be able to walk. He said he brings in a couple at a time. He said that he'll give some to Chris Wildling at some point.
Mike mentioned that the beer he has is unpasturrized so Howard wondered who would drink that. Richard said he's been drinking that one since 2008. He said it's hard to get around there. Mike said it was fresh. He said it's good for a couple of weeks. Howard asked if he worries that it wasn't taken care of properly and wasn't cooled. Richard said he doesn't care. Robin said Richard doesn't care about any of that stuff.
Howard asked how much he drank at the football game. Richard said it was maybe 12. Howard said that means it was 20. Richard said he brought some low alcohol IPAs there. He said he nursed them. He said he was peeing in a bucket with kitty litter in it. He said that's the bathroom he was using there. He said it filled up so they had to empty it and put more kitty litter in it.
Howard said he knows Richard eats anything. He said he used to bring in yogurt that he'd leave out. Robin said he used to eat deer jerky that was bad. Richard said he wanted to eat something this morning but what he found was 3 years old. He said he's feeling fine so far though. He said it was an energy bar. Howard said it expired in 2020 and he ate it. Richard said he did. He said he thinks that ''best by'' dates just mean they taste better before then.
Howard asked if they leave food out on the counter overnight. Richard said no. He said they put stuff away. He said he grew up on a farm and the ate a lot of weird stuff. He said his parents would go to the store where they sold expired stuff. He said he would eat that old food all the time. He said he's used to that. He said his parents and grandparents used to make a trip out of it and come home with a ton of food.
Howard did his impression of Richard's father talking to him about the expired store. They played a song parody about Richard being a dirty man after that.
Howard said Richard would pack his bag the night before with yogurt and he'd came in and open it and stink up the whole office. Howard said he would never do that. He said he throws out bad food. He said maybe write a note to himself instead of putting it in the bag 12 hours before going to work. Richard said that's a good idea. He said he used to drink the yogurt like water.
Steve Nowicki said that stuff used to smell like feet. He said he'd eat old chicken too. He said it was like a week old. Richard said he'd ask Sal if it smelled like it was okay and he'd just say yes. He said that he waned to see if he'd get sick. Steve said then he'd eat it and a little while later he'd have to run to the bathroom. Richard said his parents used to find road kill and they'd smell it to see if it was still fresh. They'd bring it home if it was fresh. Howard said he'd love to see video of that. He asked if he would just throw it in the truck. Richard said he would. He said he'd watch him do that and if he jumped back then he knew it was bad.
Howard said imagine how bad it had to be to pass on it. He did his impression of Richard's dad talking about getting pigeons for Thanksgiving.
Howard asked what the worst thing was. Richard said it was a snapping turtle that they found smashed flat on the side of the road. He said it was recently flattened. Howard said his dad has confidence enough to know it's recently flattened. He wondered how you get that skill. He said you must have to check for maggots and stuff. Richard said his dad is like a super hero. He said he could see quail hiding from 200 yards away. He said he had a sixth sense about it.
Robin asked if they had to pick shell out of the turtle meal. Richard said they probably did. Howard asked if that could feed the whole family. Richard said it was a meal or two. He said turtles like that can get pretty big. He said he thinks his mother would boil it or cook it in a Crock Pot. Howard said it's no wonder he's willing to kiss Ronnie after everything he's had in his mouth.
Howard said when they pass away they should study this family. He said they eat some crazy stuff.
Howard said you don't know what was wrong with the turtle that it ended up in the road. He said it could have been sick for all they know. Richard said it could have. He said they can have leprosy. Howard said they won't even feed road kill to homeless people. He said they get regular food for homeless. He said that's wild.
Howard asked if they had a spice or seasoning for the turtle. Richard said they rarely used seasoning. He said they may have had salt and pepper. He said it was really chewy too. Howard said you must slice it like a roast beef. He said maybe some potatoes on the side. Richard said he thinks it was more like a pulled pork in the Crock Pot. Howard said he'd think that he'd make some kind of goulash if he could. Richard said that's what he did. He said it was really tough. He said he only ate it once. He said his parents never made him eat it again.
Howard played a clip of Richard's dad talking about how to prepare road kill. That was from a show long ago when they had him explain how he did it.
Howard asked Richard what his mom's first name is. Richard said Patricia. Howard did Richard's dad's voice talking to Patricia about how to prepare road kill.
Richard said one of the things he ate one time was a bull tongue. He said his grandma made it. He said it was really tough. Howard was still in Mr. Christy's voice talking about all of this stuff.
Howard said Richard's family would have survived if there was an apocalypse. He said they'd be around during the zombie attacks. Richard said that they would get snowed in and they'd pull something out of the deep freeze and surprise them.
Mike said that they could cause an zombie apocalypse too. He said that's like what happens on The Last of Us. Howard said Tales of the Walking Dead is good too.
Richard said he ate pickled pig's feet once too. He said that's a jar full of pig's feet that you chew the meat off of. Mike said that his fraternity made him eat that. He said you end up spitting out bones.
Richard said his dad used to save racoon penis too. He said it was like a toothpick. He said that he doesn't know if he used them like that but he had them. He said it was weird.
Howard said he's going to throw up from this. Robin asked if anyone ever came over for dinner. Richard said they went to a dinner part once and his mom brought a meal and she told them that it was raccoon meat in the stew. He said this woman thought it tasted great but then she found out it was racoon and she wanted to fight his mom over it. He said they had to leave the party.
Richard said he knew a guy who would just stick his hands in a Crock Pot and et right out of it. He said people didn't want to eat from that after he did that.
Benjy's 25th Anniversary Special Game And More. 01/25/23. 8:20am
After the break they played a ''Rating Celebrities with Ronnie the Limo Driver' bit, a phony phone call the guys made to a toy store with clips of JD talking dirty and Type O Negative's cover of ''Cinnamon Girl.''
Howard came back and said they had these guys on the show years ago. He said Peter Steel died at 48 years old. He said he had some kind of sepsis from Diverticulitis. He said he posed for a full frontal nude in Playgirl. He said he liked that guy. He said this is a good song. He said he played it for Neil Young and he doesn't think he liked it. He said he quickly moved on when he saw the look on his face. Howard said he likes this version though.
Robin said sometimes they have the song in their head as a certain sound and they want it that way. Howard said Bruce Springsteen likes Patty Smith's version of his song. Robin said she thought he wrote it for her. Howard said he didn't. Gary said he's pretty sure that Bruce had written ''Because the Night'' but didn't have the verses and Patty wrote them. Howard said that's right. He said she did finish the song. He said don't challenge him on this stuff. He said he knows. Howard said he is now the expert because he interviewed Bruce here and for HBO.
Howard said we're the richest country on the planet and when someone leaves office they should not have interns packing up their office. He said it's very important stuff. Robin said they should have someone with high clearance cleaning out your office. Howard said they have interns do it. He said he's not sure how we handle the top secrets but this isn't how to do it.
Howard said that someone should keep track of all of this stuff. Howard said get some librarians in there.
Howard said he has a few things to talk about. He said that they have a special coming up next week. He said that this month is Benjy's 25th anniversary of working on the show. He said it's been 25 years. He said the guys are going to celebrate on Howard 101. He said they're going to concentrate on one thing a day on this special. He said they'll do one day of Benjy being late. He said don't let him hear that. He played a clip from 2016 when he kicked Benjy out of the studio for coming in late. He didn't want him in the studio if he was going to continue coming in late.
Howard said that he prefers public shaming to firing someone. He said it wasn't just work. He said Benjy is late for lots of things and he always has an excuse. He said they created a game around the whole thing. He said to celebrate this he has a What Was Benjy's Excuse game.
Howard said in this game Robin has to guess what his reason was for being late. He said he was late to his 50th birthday party. He gave Robin some choices for that and Robin picked one where he was out buying outfits for his girlfriend. Robin was right. Howard played the clip where Benjy explained why he was late.
Howard said this special is such a bad idea. He said that it's just making him angry. He said Benjy was late to a staff party in 2019. He asked what the reason was. Robin picked one where he got a massage before the party. Howard played the clip and Benjy said he was late because he had to tie up a bunch of loose ends before he left the apartment.
Howard said Benjy showed up at 10pm to a party that started at 2pm once. Robin said she's sure he has.
Howard said they booked a chartered plane to go to Bubba The Love Sponge's wedding. Howard asked what Robin thinks his excuse was. Robin said it had to be that it was being dropped off at the wrong terminal. Howard played the clip and Benjy said that it was the terminal thing.
Howard said Benjy was late to a Peloton Live class once. He asked Robin what the excuse was. Robin said it had to be wanting to shower. Howard played the clip and Memet was talking about him showing up late and Benjy said he got off at the wrong street and his credit card wasn't working in the cab.
Howard said it's always an issue. He said Benjy showed up late to a dinner party he had where Robin ordered the $800 bottles of wine. Howard said he had Robin and Fred there and he invited Benjy. He said Gary was there too. He said Benjy was late. Howard asked Robin what his reason was. Robin said it had to be him miscalculating how long it would take him to get ready. Howard played that clip and that was the reason.
Howard said he should have been the first one there. He said he didn't invite Will or Jason or JD. He said he gave it to Benjy and he fucked him anyway. He asked if he can cancel this special next week. He said he's not sure why they're honoring him. He said it drives him nuts. He said it really does. He said this is him going nuts. He played a song parody where they had Howard telling Benjy not to be late.
Howard said here's another one. He said Samantha who works for them invited Benjy to her father's funeral and he showed up late to that. Sam got on and said that it was nice that the staff showed up. She said it was very touching. She said on the way out you hug people. She said her cousin stopped her and said that Benjy was late. She said that she's a fan of the show and she may have been star struck. She said she realized that it's not a shtick. Howard said the guy needs constant attention. He said it's ridiculous how much attention he needs.
Howard asked Sam what his reason was. Sam said she doesn't know. She said that she was busy with her dad's ashes. She said later that night she mentioned it to her husband and he confirmed that he was late. She said she did remember the sorry when the game came up. Howard said that's ridiculous that you have that M.O. He said you must examine yourself and wonder why that is.
Howard asked Benjy if he ever thinks about why he's late to everything. Benjy said there are probably reasons for it but it's not to get attention. Howard said it absolutely is. He said it's narcissistic behavior. Howard asked if his special is encouraging him to be late. Benjy said he does love being talked about. He said that part is great. Benjy said he's not embarrassed by it.
Howard said Benjy also wanted to have sex with Sam's sister. Sam said she gets caught in the vortex a lot. She said she loves everyone there and she gets caught and doesn't realize it. She said that she didn't set him up with her sister. She said she's not sure how old Benjy is. She said she asked him and he won't tell her. She said he can be fun to talk to. She said she knows he's older but she can't get an answer out of him.
Howard said you can ask Benjy why he's wearing two pair of headphones and you'll get a weird answer. Benjy said he likes to move around. He said he has one set for moving and one for sitting still. Sam said she does the same thing but she removes one pair and puts them to the side.
Howard said he's so disrespectful. Benjy said he should have been on time like Howard and Robin were. Howard said she should be. Howard said Benjy wants attention so bad. He said he should have explored this with his therapist. Benjy said that he's not right about this. He said it's not the cause that he thinks it is.
Sam asked if Benjy is afraid to be late again. Howard said he's not. He said he doesn't like firing people and he will let Benjy keep his job. He said it's his own fault. He said he feels horrible when someone loses the ability to feed themselves. He said Benjy will look at him with those meatball eyes and he'll let him stay. He said he's the bad parent. He said he's a sucker ad he knows it. He said that Benjy is a shark and he knows a victim when he sees it and he takes advantage of it. Benjy said this is going just the way Howard thought it would. Howard said that's right. He said he warned him. He said people will walk all over him and he knows it.
Howard said Benjy is not introspective and he doesn't recognize the pattern. He said please throw this special right in the garbage. He said there must be a delete button.
Benjy asked if Howard has any behaviors that he wants to get rid of. Howard said of course. He said he has a tremendous anger. He said that's because of Benjy. He said he'd be calm if he could fire this guy. He said please throw Benjy and this special in the garbage. Benjy asked if he ever acts like he doesn't want to. Howard said of course. He said he's never been late though. Sam said it takes time to be late.
Howard played Benjy off with a song parody. Benjy was trying to say something but he played the song over him. Howard said the special is happening on Howard 101 next week. He said each day will focus on a certain Benjy aspect. He said they have live shows at 1pm to talk about the effect Benjy has had on the show. He said the host will be Michael Rapaport. Howard said also John Stamos recorded a tribute to Benjy for the special. He said they have spared no expense. Howard said he has many hours devoted to Benjy. He said one day he'll win.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Pamela Anderson Visits. 01/25/23. 9:00am
After the break they played a phony phone call the guys made to a oil delivery company using clips of Howard announcing a 5 year deal, a ''Cooking with Tan Mom'' bit, a Heard It On The Stern Show song parody, prank birthday wishes read on a radio show, ''A Manly Tip from Richard Christy's Dad'' bit and Lizzo's ''Worship.''
Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said he enjoyed meeting her when she came on the show. Robin said she hasn't been able to stop thinking about the flute since she was on. Howard said he though she said the flu.
Howard said Pamela Anderson is one of the most beautiful and nicest people he's ever met. He said she's there now. Howard said he loves celebrating her. He said she's just so wonderful .He said she really is. Pam was laughing. She said they have had some great times.
Pam said she was upset that Howard isn't there. She said she thought he had moved to L.A. Howard said he watched her Netflix special and her book Love, Pamela is coming out next week.
Howard said Pam was like Marilyn Monroe in the 90s. He said he was thinking about some women like that. He said Raquel Welch, Farrah Fawcett, Greta Garbo and others like that have held that title. He said that Pam doesn't think like that though. Pam said she never did. She said she thinks she's funny looking. Howard said he has talked to beautiful women like that who think they're not good looking. He said they never see themselves in that way and it's very tragic. Pam said she hopes she has other qualities. Howard said she never thought she looked that good. Pam said she thinks she's kind of cute. Howard said it's too bad she thinks that way. Pam said her mom was a pusher of beauty and she thought that she'd be a better wife and parent if she looks good. She said her mom was really into hair and stuff.
Howard said she describes her mom as kind of ditzy and her father as this abusive alcoholic who was a monster of a man. He said he's thinking about her seeing her father trying to push her mother's face into the stove. He said that has to be devastating. Pam said her mom didn't have an easy life. She said they stuff those feelings down and relive the story over and over again. She said it's generational and her family put up with so much. She said she doesn't want to do that anymore. She said that's why she wanted to tell her whole story. She said she didn't want to be like a crazy person.
Howard asked Pam if she feels anger toward her father. She said she doesn't. She said they just moved in with her. She said both of them are there on her property. She said they can talk about this and get through it together. She said if her book did anything it was getting her mom into therapy. She said she went into therapy for the first time yesterday with her mom. She said that her mom had never done that before. She said she just held it in and went on with her life and walked on egg shells.
Howard asked Pam about moving back to Canada with her parents and if they're sill together. Pam said they are. She said they were 17 and 19 when they had her. She said that her mom told her that her dad didn't want to settle down but she convinced him to do it. She said she felt bad about that because she was the reason. She said she tried to rescue her mom a lot but she didn't want to be rescued. She said she has no bad feelings toward either of them. She said her mom did give her advice for men and she told her that she chose her kids over men and her mom picked her man over her kids.
Howard said Pam chose her kids over Tommy and her mom chose her father. He asked if she was able to talk to her about that. Pam said she did and her mom just wanted to go out shopping. She said she has to go through this so the rest of them can see a good example.
Howard said he can't imagine walking into that office with her mother. He said that must have felt like going up Mt. Everest. He said he feels like he's hurting his mom too much to talk to her like that. Pam said it's hard but it also helps. She said that you hold things in and there's this undercurrent where they're connected on a cellular level. She said that they used to live 15 minutes away from her and now she brings this stuff up and her mom doesn't want to come visit.
Howard said he just can't do it. He said he thinks it would bring them closer. He said his mom is so broken already though. He said she gets defensive. He asked if Pam is going to continue. Pam said she is. She said that her mom did show up and she's there for her. She said it's good. She said that it's interesting to learn more doing this. She said it's interesting to give her tools to talk to someone without cutting them off. She said she thinks it'll be great.
Howard asked if her mom got defensive and all of that. Pam said she did and the therapist told her to just listen and learn. She said it was really good. She said that she's going on this big tour now and she did that right before. She said it's also like falling off a cliff. Howard said it's very brave.
Howard asked if her dad will go to therapy. Pam said no. She said he hasn't read the book yet. She said that she's supporting her mom first. She said that some day maybe she can present it to her dad. Howard asked if he's sober now. Pam said no but they have their night to do their own thing. She said her dad had a stroke 4 or 5 years ago and he's made a recovery from that and he's a little gentler. She said she's not sure what she's going to do about that. She said her mom has more energy than her. She said she has a lot of life in her.
Howard said it would have been great if she had a man in her life that wasn't a sexual thing and there was no quid pro quo. He said even when she wanted to be on Baywatch they had to go to Playboy and ask for permission. He said that her contract should have been negotiated without the Playboy thing being involved. Pam said her kids are very protective of her and her son was saying that she makes like $1000 a year in residuals from that show and that's it. She said he asked how that's possible.
Howard said kids on the internet these days own their own image. He said Pam didn't own her image and many posters were sold with her image on them. He said that they sold a ton of Playboy magazines with her. He said today kids can put their own stuff out and sell it. Pam said that she was the most downloaded person on the internet and she didn't even know what that meant. She said she didn't want that. She said that she was in the foreground because of that. She said she was doing a lot of things in her life and people thought she was nuts but now it's all in fashion.
Howard said he watched the documentary about her and she was noticed very early on and people asked her to be in Playboy and all of that. He said it's a whole saga. He said now that she looks back on her Playboy relationship does she see them as sharks or what. Pam said she loved Hef. She said he was so himself. She said she admired him. She said she didn't know any better at the time. She said she was just trying to get by. She was able to pay her rent and get her nails done. She said she didn't think about the 150 countries in the world watching Baywatch. She said that she felt safe at the Playboy Mansion. She said it was a sexy wonderful life. She said nothing bad would happen to her there. She said that you got outside of that and people got weird. She said she didn't want to hear that stuff.
Howard said that he'd imagine that when a man met her they probably had such expectations of her. He said that they must have thought their mind was going to be blown. Howard asked what that expectation was. Pam said she is pretty wild. She said she's a romantic. She said sex and love are important to be together. She said she was really loyal and she loved being in love.
Howard asked why Playboy handled her deal with Baywatch. Pam said she had no agent and that's the only way people could get in touch with her. She said she never thought she was going to be an actress. She said she didn't know what was going to happen. She said she did get representation eventually. She said she never got anything for the Barbie of her character. She said that they didn't have streaming back then either so they get nothing from Amazon for the streaming.
Howard said he went back and watched her on Saturday Night Live and he loved it. He said it was weird to see the sketch where Norm Macdonald played Tommy Lee and the whole thing was about not kissing her. He said that was close to the truth and that's what separated them. He said that he was very jealous and that whole sketch was about that. He said that was crazy. He said Tommy ends up beating up Norm for kissing her in a scene.
Howard said he has to believe that if she had someone structuring her career then they would have been able to find her roles. He said she can act. He said he feels like there could have been a legitimate film career there. Pam said she does get offers. She said that she was busy with Baywatch so she didn't get into other things. She said that she was asked to do Mask with Jim Carrey but she was busy. She said she was just bumbling along and finding her way.
Howard said Pam writes about how great it was for Tommy when the sex tape got out. He said that it wasn't so great for Pam. He said she was the ''slut'' having sex on film. He said that was tough for her. He said that did undermine her career. Pam said it wasn't a positive thing. She said it took it's toll on her relationship and her career. She said people are still capitalizing on it. She said she saw the Pam and Tommy thing on Hulu and that had nothing to do with her. She said she found out about it from her son.
Howard said he knows that she wont watch that show. He said he wouldn't either. Howard said Seth Rogen was one of the producers of it. He asked if she reached out to him. Pam said she felt run over by that one. She said they didn't portray either of them very positively. She said that it wasn't a fair thing as far as she knows. She said she wishes they had called. Howard said maybe she could have said she could have collaborated on it. Pam said she doesn't think she would have been involved. She said there's no reason to bring it up again.
Pam said her son Brandon is the one who produced her documentary and he did it because he wanted her to be able to tell her story. Pam said they went through everything and let it all out.
Howard said the actress who played Pam in the Hulu series reached out to her. Pam said she never heard from her. She said her representation may have protected her from that. She said she is an actress. Howard said that was Lilly James. Pam said it's not her fault. She said it's about the whole situation. Howard asked if she believes her that she reached out. Pam said she believes it. She said she did hear about it after she said she reached out. She said her people said that they didn't give it to her.
Howard said he saw that she was on the cover of George magazine which was JFK Jr's magazine. He said they must have banged. He said they were the best looking people on the planet. Pam said that they didn't but he was so good looking that she didn't even think she could talk to him. She said he was so charming and they only spoke on the phone. Howard said she has to be kidding. Pam said she's not. She said she never met him.
Howard said he thinks that she didn't want to meet him because he was the nice guy and not the bad boys that she was used to going out with. Pam said she needs a therapist. Howard said she says the only man she ever really loved was Tommy Lee. He said he wonders what her definition of love is. Pam said that she and Tommy have the kids in common. She said that it was a heightened kind of love at the time. She said they worshiped each other at the time. Howard asked if it was real love or was it just worship. Pam said you have to have that kind of worship because things won't last forever. She said she doesn't think she ever gave herself a chance to have another relationship after that. She said she was just going through the motions. She said it was nothing like she had with Tommy. She said it was more stuff to bring her down. She said she had people in her life who were there to numb the pain. She said it was nothing healthy.
Howard said some of the marriages were quick. He said he remembers hanging out with Kid Rock and her when they got married. Pam said she thinks she was banned from doing the show when she was married to him. She said she was forbidden.
Howard asked Pam when she knows that getting married quick was a bad idea. Pam said she knew when she got married. She said that it was just after the ceremony. Howard asked how that works. Pam said it's embarrassing. She said she feels like she just jumps into something like she and Tommy did and it will work. She said it's not the same thing though. She said it just doesn't work. She said she slowly has to find her way out. Howard asked if she makes herself unemotional or what. Pam said she thinks she tries but she detaches a little bit and that makes people crazy. She said any sign of lying or disrespect is her sign to leave. She said if someone gets angry and starts breaking things she can't take that. She said she runs for the hills with her boys.
Howard said Pam thinks she pushes a guy's buttons. Pam said not on purpose. She said that she looks back and sees that she picked people who were kind of unavailable. She said this last year she's been alone and it's been an incredible year. She said she's looking back and reflecting on things. She said she's growing up now and she feels good doing it.
Howard said Pam writes about the sexual abuse she went through in her life. He said the first person she had sex with raped her. He said that the guys she dated in high school wanted to own her and she can't even go to her father about it because he's an abusive guy. He said there's nothing there from her father so she just sat with it. Howard asked if all of that has come back to her now that she's in therapy. Pam said she used to have an analyst back in the Tommy days and that was all the therapy she did back then. She said that she usually writes it out and tries to work it out for herself. She said she has hundreds of journals. Howard said he found her poems to be upsetting. He said she has to see herself as traumatized from all of this. Pam said she has done a lot that's helped her heal. She said there are a lot of wounded people in L.A. She said she found her gang of supporters there. She said she used to have this game she played with her friends where they would sit in a bathtub and tell stories about bad experiences they had before they were 6 and they all had them. She said they'd just move on after telling the stories.
Howard asked Pam if she got paid when she did the phot shoots for Mark LaChappelle. Pam said no. Howard said those were great pictures. Pam said he was an artist so she didn't get paid. She said her son Brandon is 26 and he told her this has to stop. She said he's not going to allow this to happen anymore. She said he's looking at it like a side project. She said that it drives them crazy that she doesn't care so much about money as they do.
Howard asked Pam if she can think of someone in her life who was there for her who was a kind relationship and didn't look for anything from her. Pam said Sam Simon was a friend who looked after her. She said Kelly Slater was a kind man. He said he was busy going around the world. She said that wasn't a steady thing. Howard said Kelly was in love with her. Pam said she was but then she met Tommy. She said she was getting ready for babies and she had to get married and have babies.
Howard asked how big her bathtub was that she was able to have more than two people in it. Pam said they'd go to a hotel or something and get in a big tub. She said Howard was in one of her hotel rooms. Howard said that was wild. He said he kept his underwear on though. He said he wasn't' going to be embarrassed in front of her. Pam said those were crazy days.
Howard said he imagines that ether are a lot more chapters in her about the Playboy Mansion. He said he's been there and it was crazy there. He said he can't imagine what it was like there for her. He said that she must have been hit on constantly. Pam said there are endless stories about that. She said she didn't even want to go there. She said there are a lot. She said her first day at the Playboy Mansion she was wearing jeans and they had all kinds of clothes there to change into. She said she thought the women there were just beautiful. She said they were all different looking too. She said they all had their own style. She said she just soaked it in like a sponge.
Howard said it seems like all the women who are in the Playboy Mansion go through the same thing and they all try to get them to dress a certain way and it's like the Twilight Zone. Pam said that Dave LaChappelle thought the same thing. She said that he'd think it was her standing there and there were thousands of women who looked like her there. Howard asked if she stayed there. Pam said she never did. She said she would stay in a hotel.
Howard said there are a lot of former Playmates who have stories about what they had to do with Hef. He said there's a lot of those stories. He said that's not what Pam went through though. He said some people come off poorly in the book like Scott Baio. Howard said he was inspecting her ears and feet. He said that was weird. Pam said there's nothing left to inspect. Howard said she says that Sylvester Stallone made her an offer to be her number 1 girl. Pam said that she went to his house once and she saw his paintings and he made her some MetRX Shakes. She said she has a lot of stories like that. She said Steven Seagal asked her to come to his house to get a part in a movie and she just said no. She said that she got caught up in things but she found her way out quickly.
Howard asked Pam if she ever thought about coming out during the #MeToo movement and talking about the things she went through. Pam said she's not a big social media person and she never really thought about doing it. She said that she had to have survival tools to get through stuff. She said that's what women have to have. She said she went on a photo shoot once with a guy who was going to take photos of her in Hawaii and no one else was on the plane. She said that she had to be on the flight with the guy for four hours. She said she ran off to a flight attendant and told her she was in trouble and she was put on another flight for free to get her away from him. She said she had to figure out how to do that on her own.
Howard asked when in her career that was. Pam said that was before everything like Home Improvement and Baywatch.
Howard said it's in the paper that Tim Allen exposed himself to her on Home Improvement. Pam said he's denying it and it was a kind of funny thing because he said now they're even now that they've seen each other naked. Pam said she wasn't offended by the joke but it was kind of uncomfortable. She said other people have done stuff like that to her. She said that she should be okay with it she guesses. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Pam said that Tim used to take her for drives in his car and fly through the roads. She said they were friends too. She said she looks back and thinks about it and it was crazy. She said that random people will come up to her and ask her to tell a sex story. She said she feels like a sex clown.
Howard said Pam says that Hef never came on to her sexually. Pam said he never did. She said they were friends. She said that they would talk on the phone all the time. She said he'd write letters to her and he was proud of her. She said that he was proud of her being on Home Improvement. She said that he wasn't thrilled with her being on FHM magazine. She said she got good and bad.
Howard said Playboy struggled after she did her 15 covers. Pam said he said she was the DNA of Playboy. She said she remembers the last cover of Playboy that she did and Hef talked to her and the kids about that.
Howard asked if she's still in touch with Tommy. Pam said they text here and there. She said he's married now and she doesn't want to annoy his wife. She said she's glad he's happy and has someone in his life. Howard asked if the kids still see him. Pam said they see him all the time. She said her son Brandon made this documentary about them because he loves his parents. He said the kids see they came from a loving relationship.
Howard said he and his wife thought they knew everything about her. He said they didn't know all that much it turns out. Howard asked if she would do it all over the same way. Pam said she had more good times than bad. She said she wouldn't do it any other way. She said she bought her grandmother's house and she's in the same place she was when she was little.
Howard said as wild as her life was to them it was 50,000 times wilder than they know. Pam said it was pretty wild.
Howard asked Pam about using drugs. Pam said she tried things but it didn't suit her. She said she didn't like the feeling of being high. She said that she would catch herself and stop doing it. She said she isn't sober but she doesn't drink much. She said she has some champagne here and there. She said she doesn't drink that much. Howard said she used to drink a lot of champagne. Pam said she did but not so much now. Howard said she went all out back in the day. Pam said now she's just feeling her feelings. She said it's a different thing. Howard said some of the stories she tells in the book he looks back and thinks how horrible it was. He said especially the abuse and rape. He said he can't imagine what it was like for her. Pam said she wanted the book to be balanced. She said she had her childhood, her career and now. She said she didn't want it to be a miserable book. She said she hopes it's inspiring.
Howard asked Pam what her plan is. Pam said she has no plan. She said she's all in and she's going to see what happens. She said she loves that feeling. She said she has no plans for anything. She said she's just in her garden at home with her dog and she'll see what happens.
Howard asked Pam if she wants to be with someone like Brad Pitt. Pam said he's fine but she's not looking for that.
Howard said Pam has a documentary on Netflix and that's called ''Pamela, A Love Story'' and she has the book out next week.
Howard said Pam has tried to be married to other guys and things just didn't work out. Pam said that she did and there were things that led to them breaking up. She said she can't do that. She said she wonders how she gets involved in all of that. Howard said he'd like to know who cheats on Pam Anderson.
Howard said Pam met a guy in France and fell in love. Pam said she did and it turned out that he had another family there. She said she contacted her through her dog's Instagram and said she could reach out to her if she had any concerns about her kids. She said she had no idea and there were other issues there. She said that the guys who have those issues are the ones who have the bad stuff.
Howard said jealous guys always threaten to kill you and rip your face off. He said it's crazy. He said they're doing it and that's the opposite of what they should be doing to keep you in a relationship.
Pam said she's taking a break from men right now. Howard said she was never really into women. Pam said she wasn't. She said that's not the answer.
Howard said Pam was abused by a babysitter. Howard said Pam wished her dead and she died on her graduation day in high school. Pam said she thought she had a murder on her hands because she did wish she died. Howard said that her babysitter was abusing her and guys abused her. He said it's just crazy. Pam said that her mom was abused too so she just thought that was part of relationships. She said it really scared her.
Howard asked if she will ever ask her dad why he did that to her mom. Pam said she had a dream about it and that was enough for her. She said she had that conversation with her dad and that was enough. She said she wanted to sit down with him about the book. She said she has warned him that it won't be good. Pam said she has been saying things and he won't be shocked when he reads it. She said her mom doesn't want him to read it.
Howard said that the parents get upset when the kids try to be honest with them. Pam said that's all she wanted to do. She said she has always known she could write a book. She said she did that and she hopes that her parents can see that. She said they can't get past that page where their name is written. She said it's just about how awful and negative she is. She said it hasn't hit them that she wrote a book.
Howard asked if the publisher was shocked that she was able to write the book. Pam said that was a whole thing. She said she knew she could do it on her own. She said that she did this 60 page thing that she wrote and they said he'd work on it. She said they called her back and said they'd show it to publishers as it was. She said the were thinking about a ghost writer. She said this one woman said that she liked her style. She said that she wanted to write it on her own and she did it. She said they just had an editor come in and help her out with that. She said it really is her book. Howard said that's unusual. He said that would make him read the book knowing that. He said that's really kind of intriguing to him. Pam said she has always done punctuation and stuff the right way.
Pam said the publisher is really happy with her and how the book came out. She said she did the audio book. She said it was wild to read the whole thing. Howard said he wasn't able to do that. She said it's just too much for him. Pam said she wanted to do it. She said it took her three days.
Howard asked if anyone asks her to mentor them. Pam said no. Howard asked if she gotten every man she wanted. Pam said she never really wanted men like that. She said she just went with what happened. Howard said she's never been rejected in that way then. Pam said not really.
Howard asked Pam about her mom asking her to put something nice on in the documentary. Pam said she put on like 25 pounds while she was writing her book. She said she always weighed about 115 pounds and she got up to 130. She said she lost it all when she was done with the book. She said it was like she was holding on to something. She said she wasn't eating anything different but her body was changing and she thought it was just from getting old. She said that her mother thought that she didn't' want to show her figure anymore. She said she was a mess at the time. She said if you like her at her worst then maybe you really like her.
Howard said Pam lost her weight right after the book. Pam said she did. She said she didn't do anything different. She said she was doing Broadway at the time but that wasn't it.
Howard asked how tall she is. She said she's 5'7'' and she always weighed about 115 pounds. Pam said her kids even noticed she wasn't looking so healthy at the time. She said she thinks it was good to get it all out. Howard said there must have something there. He said she unloaded all of her shit. He said there would be nothing left of her if she didn't have all of this stuff in her life.
Howard asked how she feels about aging. He said he feels horrible himself. Pam said he looks the same. Howard said thanks but he knows he doesn't. He said that things pop up with your health. Howard said the end could be soon. He asked Pam what she thinks. Pam said she loves the elderly. She said she never felt like a beauty. She said she's almost 56 now and she's not worrying about her looks so much. She said it's all about hair and makeup. She said she has no fear of death or anything. She said she's not a big worrier.
Howard asked Pam if she ever thought about ending it when she was going through the tough times. Pam said not after she had kids. She said when she was younger she just thought about not being on the planet anymore. She said she once took a lot of Advil and got sick. She said they came to get her and it turned out that she was pregnant. She said not with Brandon and she miscarried. She said she was just trying to end it but Advil and Vodka won't do it. She said she wanted to sink underwater in the bathtub. She said that she finally found someone who was a soul mate and Tommy was the guy. She said she felt like she was so in love and it was hard for her to go to work and he was so jealous. She said she didn't think anything would ever be easy. She said that her brother and Tommy were fighting in the hospital. She said the doctor came out and said she was pregnant and everything was fine. She said then she miscarried and then got pregnant with Brandon.
Howard said he doesn't think Pam has been in love with the love for real yet. Pam said her kids tell her she can't date anyone younger than her. Howard said the boys are very good looking and they sound smart too. He asked if she raised them to be respectful of women. Pam said they have had girlfriends for a long time and they are good about that. She said that they repeat things she has told them their whole lives. She said they have good relationships. She said they're very respectful of women. Pam said that she told her son that if he doesn't respect a woman then he doesn't respect her. She said women have to respect themselves first.
Howard said he has to set her up with someone. He said he should do that. Howard said her son did say she loves marrying. He said that he has to limit her to dating for 5 years minimum before marrying.
Howard said he read that she turned down the lead role in X-Files. Pam said she's never heard that. Howard said he thought that was real. He said he thought she turned down Austin Powers. Pam said she doesn't think she did that either. Howard said Pam was busy for that. Pam said she would have loved to have done that. Howard read through some other stuff and Pam didn't think any of that was true.
Howard said they celebrate her life. He said that he must have seen every issue of Playboy she was in. Pam said she thinks she was on the show every time a new one came out. Howard said he thought that if she ever wanted an ugly guy she'd come to him.
Howard gave Pam some plugs for her documentary and her book. He said she wrote the book herself. He said that will be on next Tuesday, January 31st. He said there's even poetry in the book.
Howard said Gillian Anderson said that Pam had the lead for X-Files. Pam didn't even know it. Howard said maybe Playboy turned that down too. He said Playboy was hiring her to do the magazine. He said they never should have been representing her for other work. Pam said that's how people got in touch with her. She said that they didn't have cell phones back then.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Pam is very calm about all of this stuff she had to go through. He said that they're not comping her in any way with all of that stuff. He said Hollywood is so disingenuous about everything. Pam said he had her until he said something about a hooker. Robin said he really does love her. Howard said Ralph loves her more than any other guy.
Howard said it's always good seeing her. Howard said Ralph is her knight in shining armor. He said he wishes he was as passionate about himself.
Howard said the kids are fine and Pam is happy. Robin said she loved the documentary. She said she loved learning more about her and seeing true happiness on her face while she was doing Broadway was great. She said she was so glad to see that.
Howard asked Pam if she has ever had someone offer her money for sex. Pam said she had a Sheik who tried to jump her. She said that she had to get out of Abu Dhabi quickly. She said that he had hired her for a Make a Wish thing. She said he was handsome but that's not what she was in it for. Howard said it's always great seeing Pam. He gave her more plugs for the book and documentary.
Howard said they love her. Pam said she loves them too. Robin said it was really good to see her. She said she's getting teary. She said they love her and haven't seen her in a long time. Pam said she can't believe that they're all still there. Howard thanked her again for coming in. He said he has to pee and she must have to as well. Pam said she does. Howard said it's hard to say goodbye. He let her go after she blew a kiss.
Howard said he doesn't like to see Robin upset. Robin said they got to hang with her a lot in the past. She said that it was sad to learn the tings that happened to her as a young girl. She said that it was hard to watch. She said it was so good to see her happy and getting accolades for her work. Howard said Robin was in a Playboy with Pam. She was asked 20 questions for an interview. Howard said how's that for a fact. Robin said it was really good to see her.
Howard said Ralph really loved Pam. He said they were all out at a strip club and she had come from some appearance and she had a long gown on. He said it had been loaned to her. He said Pam asked Ralph to turn the gown into a mini-skirt. He said Ralph ran off and found scissors to cut it. He said Ralph did his thing and Pam was happy. He said it was a great night.
Howard had Ralph back on the phone. Ralph said he remembers going in to cut the dress and he was on his knees and she was standing up. He said she was rubbing his head as he was doing this and he was going nuts. He said he was afraid he was going to cut her leg off. Howard said Tommy Lee would have killed Ralph over that. Ralph said the next day they found out it was like a $10,000 dress.
Howard said if Pam had put her hand on his head he would have cum in his pants. Ralph said that she had said that he had cut his hair. She knew that he had cut it.
Howard said Ralph really choked on the air with Pam. Ralph said they take advantage of her and it's just wrong. Ralph said he did say something about a hooker in that call and that wasn't the right thing to say to her. Howard had hung up on him earlier.
Howard said he'd like to know how Ralph found the scissors so fast that night. Ralph said he doesn't either but that dress had to be shorter. Ralph said he also wrote stuff on her leg that night that she asked him to do. He said he has a picture of that somewhere. Howard said Pam was fun. He said she still is. Ralph said she's smart too. He said that she got off that plane with that creepy guy.
Robin said men are proposing to her all the time. Howard said he remembers proposing got Pam in the strip club that night Ralph cut the dress.
Howard said the 90s were great. He said they had fun. Ralph said everything was great in the 90s. Howard said he was super hot back then. He said he knew that he could have spent the whole night being sexually frustrated or just go home. He said he knew that Pam had no interest in him. He said he had a job and he had to get home. He said it was probably a wise decision or he'd be in that book.
Howard mentioned the special they have coming up next week on Howard 101 about Benjy. Ralph said each day will be more annoying than the last. Howard said just try to get through it. He said the following weekend they have a Maneskin concert coming up on Howard 101. He said Ralph should look them up because the bass player just covers her nips with tape. Ralph said every female bass player should do that.
Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Mark Wahlberg told him to end the show and get to the gym fat boy. Howard asked for some advice on what to do in the gym. Mark told him what he's up to and what he should be doing.
Howard and Ralph talked about how Mark is a guy who has a gym in his trailer on the set of his movies. Howard said he had a trailer for America's Got Talent and he had that stuff. He said that he hated that trailer. Howard said Ralph loved all of that. He said he didn't want him to quit. Howard wrapped up with Ralph and told him he did a good job with that dress. He said what a woman Pam is. He said she can do it all. Ralph said she's a smart girl. Howard said maybe some day she'll call Ralph. He said maybe he's the one.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.