- Roe V Wade Overturned. 06/27/22. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about how they're going to party like it's 1959 tonight. He said everyone is talking about Roe V Wade now. He said he doesn't have much to add to it. He said he and Robin talked about it when the decision came out. He said he was talking to her about how worried he is for her not being able to get an abortion if she gets pregnant. He said her sexuality is so high it could happen.
Howard said he doesn't want to get too deep into this but he did say to Robin that he's going to have to run for president now. He said his wife said that he can't do that though. He said she wants Robin to be first lady instead of her. Robin said she said that Beth has to be first lady because she's not cut out for that job.
Howard said he would get rid of the electoral college. He said he's not sure if he could do that as president but he wants to find out. He said that he just wants to make the country fair again. He said Clarence Thomas has been waiting there dormant to do things like this. He said he's not sure how it happens but he must go to them and then talk in secret with them to find out if they can reverse Roe V Wade. He said it's hard to have a Supreme Court that openly lies. He said they lied about overturning Roe V Wade. He said they sat there on TV and said they wouldn't overturn it. He said he has a clip.
Howard said they found someone who didn't know that this had happened. He said that friend is someone he's not going to mention right now. He said this thing is so deep and these appointed judges by Trump were appointed by a President who lost the popular vote by 3 million votes. He said they rejected Obama's Supreme court appointment. He said this guy lost the vote and he won the election. He asked how long we can keep doing this. He said we're supposed to have a free election. He said the guy who won had less votes. He said that's the whole problem. He said the country is not bad. He said this Taliban government is not the majority.
Howard said he has some examples of why this is so bad. He said there are every day women who might find out their baby has horrible birth defects. He said there's a lot of fucked up shit that happens. He said try to get your kid special services for special needs. He said it's not easy to get into these programs. He said the Republicans don't care about the baby once it's born. He said they just don't care.
Robin said she saw a woman talking about how she woke up and the world had changed. She was saying that they're going to take care of the women who have the babies. She said she's a part of this party that doesn't go for social services so she's deranged. Howard said this is going to undo a lot of things. He said there will be interracial marriage bans and things like that. He said this is just the beginning.
Howard said we were past all of this. He said if he runs for President he will undo this electoral college and he'll appoint 5 more Supreme Court justices. He said he's not sure if he can but he will look into it. He said he's going to run and see what happens. He said Robin will be his first lady and perform some sexual acts on him. Robin said she is duty bound. Howard said she can straddle him.
Howard said this is a horrible day and a horrible thing. He said he's not sure how we're going to get out of this one. He said this guy he knows bought himself a villa in Italy and he's moving there. He said he doesn't like the way this is going here. He said this is a real thing for him.
Howard said this guy is an older dude. He said he's not sticking around here. He said Canada is looking better and better. Robin said they can still broadcast from there. Howard said this country is really fucked up right now. He said they're even talking about getting rid of the morning after pill. He said that's not even the abortion thing. He said they also want to get rid of the pill. He said what a diaster this is. He asked what he can tell you. He said that he has 3 daughters. He said they're upset.
Howard took a call from a guy who said 15 years ago he had a patient who was pregnant with a baby who had a birth defect. She thought that god would fix it. He said she went into labor and she was in labor for 48 hours. He said the baby came out and didn't survive more than 30 seconds. He said this woman was devastated and he ran into her a few months ago and she's still depressed from that. Howard said if you're in South Dakota you have to have the baby. The caller, Dr. Tony, asked who is going to take care of these women never mind the babies. Robin said no one.
Howard asked about a baby being born without a head and if it's easier to give birth without a head. Dr. Tony told Howard that it opens up the cervix so the whole baby can come out. Howard said he's right, he wasn't thinking about that.
Howard said he likes this Dr. Tony. He said he starts talking like him when he hears his voice. He went into his celebrity agent voice talking like Dr. Tony.
Howard said he remembers when he was born his parents looked at his face and thought it would be better if he was born without a head. Howard said he's not a medical man but he thinks a baby needs a head. He said Dr. Tony's point is so well made. He said there are so many medical conditions that parents don't want. He said that God ain't going to take care of it. He said now the state has to take care of the baby. He said babies who are unloved grow up to be very angry and do not want to play by the rules. He said it's a diaster for society. He said try a couple of babies who were born into families that don't want them.
Dr. Tony said it's going to be complete chaos in the future. Howard said he hears the FOX News people saying it's up to the state. He said it shouldn't be. Howard said we're going to have orphanages filled with headless foster babies. He said that's what Dr. Tony is saying. Robin said there was a woman talking about how there are a lot of people looking to adopt and they will take care of this. Robin said yeah, that's going to happen. He said the baby is unwanted but someone will take it.
Robin said people were saying that it's their body, their right during the pandemic but not for women now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks as the father of daughters these people don't become magically pregnant. He said there is personal responsibility. Howard said that's a very simplistic answer. He said Beth has said to him that she would never get an abortion for herself. He said that she's not against it for anyone else. He said that's a personal decision. He said men and women should be responsible but there are times when women are rapes or contraception doesn't work. He said sometimes things go medically wrong. He said what these nut bags are saying is that they don't have the right to do anything about it. The caller said that they have the luxury to vote and they should vote as they wish. Howard said maybe some of these fuckers who don't vote will wake up and do something.
Howard said he's sick of this and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Robin said the protests are getting violent and we can't have that either.
Howard answered a knock at the door and Fake Mitch McConnell was there playing ''Celebration'' and dancing. Howard said he is what they call a sore winner. Howard spent a minute talking to Fake Mitch about this decision.
Howard said abortion is prohibited in 9 states now. He said this is what they're talking about. Howard said he wants to thank him for sending us back to the stone age. Howard let Mitch go and Robin said he's a ghoul.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to tell him a story about what happened to them with their baby. He said they got pregnant and they found out that the baby had a birth defect and his wife had a miscarriage. He said his wife was pro-life but going through that changed her thinking. Robin said we can't wait for people to go through that to find that out. Howard said you have to put yourself outside of this and think about the horrors that could happen. He said that is a very familiar story to him and others.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was calling about the unwanted kids. She said she has worked with kids who were beaten and they were now mentally retarded. She said they were sexually abused and things like that. Howard said it's horrible what happens to unwanted children. The caller said it was heartbreaking to see it every day. Howard said these kooky religious people didn't understand the reality. He said they think the baby is going to be taken care of but that just doesn't happen. He said babies are cute but they're not cute when they grow up unwanted. Howard said it's the kookiest thing ever thinking that god is going to punish them over this stuff.
Howard said they interviewed some anti-abortion people and they're not going to adopt these kids. Howard played some audio that Memet got with some people on the street about that. These people were saying that they would adopt but they have six kids of their own.
Howard said one of his daughters was involved in a program that reunited kids with someone in their family. He said that there were so many heartbreaking stories. He said that they would go to anyone they could find and no one wanted them. He said the kids were languishing. He said the families didn't want anything to do with them. He said that you find a baby healthy and normal and they don't want them. He said forget about kids with birth defects.
- Lenny Dykstra's Mock Job Interview. 06/27/22. 7:35am
Howard said tomorrow they're going to have their JeopHorny game with Ronnie and Lenny Dykstra. He said they're going to be in the studio in Los Angeles together. Howard said Lenny only cares about pussy and money. He said Lenny says he will kick Ronnie's ass in this game. He said everyone is writing him about this. He said some people think Ronnie will win and some think Lenny will win.
Robin asked who Howard thinks will win. Howard said he's going with Ronnie. Robin said that Lenny may have had more experience. Howard said that Lenny has said he has had his World Series ring in more women than Ronnie could possibly imagine. Howard read about what Lenny has gone through in his life.
Howard said they have done this thing before where they have their staff go through a mock job interview. He said they did that with Sal. He played a clip of Sal going through that with a job interviewer. Sal said some odd things in that interview.
Howard said it turns out they only hire morons there. He said maybe he was born without a head and they sewed one on. He said it's funny that Sal is really only qualified to work there and nowhere else in the world. Robin said they must be generous or something.
Howard said they have done this with other people and they have done it again. He said that you ask someone what they should say in an interview and you should say that you're a hard worker. He said you don't tell them that you're not a hard worker.
Howard said if he was being interviewed and was asked what his co-workers would say about him he'd say that they'd say he's a workaholic and things like that.
Howard said they had Lenny Dykstra do this mock job interview. He said they told Lenny what that was about and Lenny was the first job candidate to put on a suit for this thing. He said he also put his teeth in. He said he felt it looked more professional. He said he will go out on a limb and say that this is the worst job interview he's ever heard. He said Sal would get the job over Lenny in his point of view. He said he has never heard anyone do any worse. He said Lenny is 100 percent serious too. He said that they're not getting any job. Howard said he Zoom'd in from his pussy boat so that was the first thing he did wrong.
Howard played the audio of Lenny telling the job interviewer that he was in court that morning and he's too old and blind to do any work. He was cursing in the clip too. Lenny was asked to tell her about himself and he's ''too fuckin' blind'' at one point.
Howard said that was a disaster. He said they'd probably wrap that up pretty quickly if he did that. Howard said in the next part of the interview he told the woman that he hired a woman to clean his house and to clean his pipes. Lenny cursed more in that part too.
Howard said the interviewer is a good looking woman so Lenny was into her. Howard said she looked like she was in pain the whole time. He said that he gave one creepy answer after another. He said she asked how he structures his day and this is what happened. In the clip Lenny said it's all about money and pussy. He said people will bullshit you but you have to make the money to get pussy. He said just call it like it is. He said without the chips you can't play.
Howard said this woman was in shock. He said she saw Sal. He said he loves Lenny's delivery. He said you think he said money and pussy and think you mis-heard him. Howard did his impression of Lenny talking about all of that. Robin said he must be a fan of that Beetlejuice song about money and pussy. Howard said he must be.
Howard said he likes that he put his teeth in so he could be understood. He said he should have left them out.
Howard said Lenny told the interviewer that women don't like him. He played a clip of Lenny talking about that. He said he's not friends with women. He said he has worked with women and they would say that he fucked them good.
Howard said the interviewer is an attractive woman and Lenny was hitting on her. He said that's another no-no in an interview. He played more audio of Lenny doing his thing. He said that if he hugs her at the end of the day she'll know she's being hugged by a man. Howard said the woman said at this point she was afraid that he was going to pull his penis out. He said that would have been a problem. Howard said he wondered what kind of job Lenny could get after this. He said maybe he could be Harvey Weinstein's assistant when he was at the top of his game.
Howard said Lenny claims that he's getting more pussy now than he did when he was playing baseball. He said this interview went on and the woman felt safe over Zoom. He played another clip where Lenny told the woman that he'll give her his number and the best time to call him is 24/7.
Howard said he thinks that Lenny was trying to say he's a team player but it came out wrong. He said he wonders if he sent a thank you letter after the interview. He said that's what they say you should do.
Howard said they did an exit interview with the interviewer. He played some audio of Wolfie talking to her about the interview. Howard said she said that he would be incompatible with any company's H.R. department. Wolfie asked her what she would rate his interview and she gave him a zero. She said he was very offensive with his comments about working with women. She said that Lenny was the worst out of the group of guys on the show she has interviewed. She said she felt dirty talking to him over zoom and the other guys were in person and she didn't feel that way.
Howard said that's some interview. He said his man Lenny will be competing on the show tomorrow. He said the fans are super hyped for this. He read through some feedback about the upcoming game. He had some feedback in support of Ronnie. He played the theme song for the JeopHorny game too.
Howard played a clip of Lenny shit talking Ronnie about this game. Howard said he has some facts about Lenny. He said they called him nails because he was tough as nails. He said Lenny has already pressured Memet and the guys about getting the questions ahead of time. He said Lenny is in L.A. and getting upset about his hotel room. He had Derek and Memet on the line from L.A. Derek said that Lenny wanted to check into the hotel at 3am. He said they were driving their P.A. crazy out there. He said he had girls he wanted to bring to the hotel room and he told them tat he wanted to choke and slap them. He said they told them that everything was set but then Lenny called saying the room wasn't ready. He said she showed up an hour and a half early. He said they had to go down to the lobby to calm him down. He said he was being offensive to the clerk down there.
Howard asked if Lenny was with the ladies. Derek said he didn't but he had his bags there on a trolley. Memet said he thinks he likes to get his dick pills going before the women show up. He said he's very open about that. He said he carries around a duffel bag full of dick pills.
Derek said they're going to be on the pussy boat later in the week with him too. Howard said they better be careful because both of them are married. Howard asked if they would rather be on that boat or the Titanic. Derek said that the Titanic might have been safer.
Derek said that this morning was a nightmare for them. He said getting Lenny into his room was tough. He said they had to deal with him yelling at everyone. Howard said he was also asking them for the questions ahead of time. Memet said he thinks Lenny is going to win either way. Robin said she thinks that he'd lose even if he had the questions ahead of time.
Howard asked how Lenny is supporting his lifestyle. Derek said he always has something on the side. He said last time they talked to him he was involved with early at home COVID tests. Memet said it's a mixture of a lot of lawsuits and other things. He said he's also able to find fans who put him up in their homes.
Howard said Lenny was upset with Mad Dog over something and he went off on him in an email he sent. Derek said he's not sure when he sent it so they'll have to ask him about it tomorrow. Howard said a lot of people loved hearing from Mad Dog so they do have to find out why he was so upset. He read some of the feedback he got about Mad Dog.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he's looking forward to this game tomorrow. He said the guys are saying that Lenny will be out on his pussy boat later this week. Howard sang a song about Lenny's pussy boat to the tune of the Love Boat theme.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
- Ben And Ray Update. 06/27/22. 8:15am
After the break they played a George Takei clip where he talked about Ronnie's discovery of anal play, a ''Hypothetical Situations with JD'' bit and The Rolling Stones ''She's a Rainbow.''
Howard came back and said what a beautiful song. He said he needs that today. He said he loves the Rolling Stones so much. He said we all do. He had some trivia about the song and asked who Robin thinks arranges the strings on that song. It turned out it was John Paul Jones from Led Zeppelin. Howard said things were kind of cool back then. He said it took them a long time to make this album because of drug problems. He said what a bunch of geniuses they were. He said they were on LSD when they were making this one.
Howard was going to pick his favorite Stones song but he thought that he can't do that. He said that people do love when he picks a favorite though.
Howard took a call from a woman, Marie, who said that she's concerned about Ben and Ray every day. Howard said he was thinking about this. He said he would like to know the statistic about how many guys his age have their parents around. He said he bets there aren't a lot. He said that both of his parents are alive. He said he's an old fart and he's dealing with that. He said at one point this weekend he was getting so much medical information that the doctor was talking to him like he was a doctor. He said he wishes his father put a tenth of the energy into raising him as he's putting into him now. He said he has to have someone come in to feed the guy now. He said he doesn't even know what's going on around him. He said his mother has checked out and she's not even asking about his dad. He said that he has a full time job on his hands trying to make big decisions for them. He said he has no choice in that.
Howard said he has some people who are taking care of his parents. He said he's not sure what he would do without the facilities that take them in. Robin said they don't have a luxury of time. Howard said he's supposed to be in his golden years wondering who is going to take care of him. He said he did his fucking job. He said now his mother is telling him she has a wonderful son. He said she's not even saying that. He said she says that she's blessed to have Beth in her life. Howard said Beth gets all the credit. He said he's the one paying for their care but Beth gets all the credit.
Howard said he's happy that his mother loves his wife. He said he loves her too and he thinks that's great. He said on the other hand he wants to tell her that he's the one financing all of this shit. He said he has two people who are helping her around the clock. He said he pays for the roof over her head and all of her food. He said she doesn't have a single bill. Robin asked if he has gotten one thank you at all. Howard said not at all.
Howard said Beth does a lot for her so don't get him wrong. He said his dad never thanked them for anything. He said he's pretty sure that he doesn't know who he is. He said he just hears him speaking with authority. He said his dad is doing okay in the hospital. He said they had to take him off some fantastic drugs. He said he was on Depakote and they had to take him off of that.
Howard said he hasn't been to the doctor himself lately. He said his doctor retired and he has to find a good one. He said he hasn't had a proctology visit in 3 years now. He said that they watched a fabulous movie the other night. He said it was called Cha-Cha Real Smooth. Jon Hein said he heard it's great. Howard said he wrote down who was in it. He said Dakota Johnson is in it. He said she's so fucking hot. He said he can't even handle watching her. He said she's outdone her parents with her acting. He said she's so much better than her parents Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith. He said he almost did a movie with Melanie. He said he was offered a bunch of movies after Private Parts. He said he demanded a meeting with Melanie and he got it. He said he didn't want to be in a bomb movie.
Howard said he went to this meeting and Melanie had it. He said she had the X factor. He said that he had chemistry with her but she may not have had it with him. He said that when he sees a kid from a famous couple going into acting he goes ''give me a fucking break.'' He said this Dakota is great though. He said she's so good. He said when she was in 50 Shades of Gray she was great. He said she's in this movie with this Cooper Raiff. He said he had to keep his phone on during the movie. He said he had 3 doctors calling him over his father the whole weekend. He said he was going to turn his phone off to watch that movie. He said he kept it on though.
Howard said he managed to time it out perfect and spoke to one before the movie and one after.
Robin said Howard could get some relief from his prostate thing but he won't do it. Howard said he knows that they can do surgery. He said he won't do that. He said he could take a drug but there could be side effects from that. He said that he was up four times overnight to pee. He said he's terrible at getting back to sleep. He said his mine races. He said he was watching ''Hustle'' with Adam Sandler. He said it's good so far. He said he's only half way through it. He said he hasn't seen the whole thing. Marie said he wont want it to end. Howard went through the story that he knew so far about the movie. He said his wife in the movie is Queen Latifah. He said his mother would love that.
Howard said he was so stressed out by his parents while he was watching Umbrella Academy. He said he's got to cool it with the super hero stuff. He said he loves it and hates it. He said he loved Obi-Wan Kenobi. He said that he just finished that. He said it was fucking great. He said he has to watch something with substance. He said he loves anything FBI on CBS. He said he loves revenge movies too. Robin asked where he finds the time to paint. Howard said he painted something for Beth for her birthday. He said he could have done something better. He said he did put the effort in and he will give it to her.
Howard said he's reading this R. Crumb book. He said he loves that guy. He said he was doing a bunch of stuff with his paintings.
- Live PD And Movie Talk With Richard Christy. 06/27/22. 8:40am
Howard said Richard told him the new Beavis and Butt-Head movie is great too. Richard said it came out Friday. He said he has to watch it again. He said he was crying laughing so hard he missed some of the jokes. He said it's so funny. Howard said he loves them. He said he's sure Mike Judge had to come up with something for Beavis and Butt-Head to do. He said he saw the preview. He said they met their multiverse selves in that. Richard said it's perfect. He said it's really funny. Howard said Richard loves certain things and he can't relate. He said he spent the last 3 years watching the same movies every Friday night. He asked what they were. Richard said it was Live PD but that got canceled. Howard said they loved Live PD so much. He said that show was fucking crazy. He said then they were watching wine Country and some tother movies every Friday. Richard said they have two young kids and they are exhausted by Friday. He said they don't want to think about anything new and they want something comforting. Howard said that's insane. Richard said Beavis and Butt-Head was something he wanted to see so they had to watch it.
Howard asked Richard if they could do dialogs from The Big Lebowski. Richard said sometimes he could do that. He said he can recite some of it. Howard said he got sidetracked there talking about that.
Howard thanked Marie for the call and let her go. He said Richard was into Live PD. He said he has to play some clips from the show. Richard said its coming back. He said they're coming back in like 3 weeks. Howard said he heard his wife freaked out when they canceled the show. Richard said they were balling. He said they watched it religiously. He said they became like family to them on the show. He said you watch it so much and you get to know people on the show. Robin said Richard really found the right woman.
Howard said Live PD was on A&E and they were going to just show movies and arts and entertainment kind of things.
Howard said they canceled the show in July 2020 after the George Floyd shooting. Howard said they canceled the show and the show was like making a game out of law and order. He said the producers were accused of destroying footage of something that could be damaging to the police or something. He said somehow the show is coming back. Howard said Richard was going to have a drum to the tune of the Live PD theme. He said they were going to play it on their 300th episode but they were canceled before it happened. Howard played a clip of Richard drumming to the theme. Howard said that's what the inside of Richard's head sounds like.
Howard said he's not sure how he didn't make it as a drummer. He said he's so good. Richard said he has been voted one of the best. He said he did get to tour in his 20s. He said he played on the last Death album and that's considered one of the best metal albums. Howard said no one cares about that band though. He said he didn't make it. He said he had to come work for him because he was so down on his luck. Richard said he did pick music that was kind of underground. He said he did practice five hours a day and then went to band practice. He said he has done some things on the side too. He said it's hard to make money in music.
Howard said even if a lame band had picked him to be in their band it would have been good for him. Howard said Richard was living in a storage unit in Florida. He said he wasn't legally supposed to be in there. He said he once wiped his face with a cloth in there and it was covered in fire ants. Richard said he did that with a damp towel. He said he didn't even think about it after throwing the wet towel on the floor. He said he went out that night and he had red bites all over his face.
Howard asked if he got paid when he went on tour. Richard said he did. He said he would come home with money and he was paying like $100 for rent. He said he'd pay to go out and visit friends. Howard asked what the best year was for him money wise. Richard said he averaged about $500-700 a week on tour. He said they'd go on tour for like a month and he'd come home with a few thousand. He said they didn't tour the whole year. He said he went back to his electrician job. Howard asked what his best year was. Richard said maybe 19,000 for a year. Howard laughed.
Howard said what a fucking life. He said he must be the world's worst at managing himself. He asked where he was living. Richard said he was in Orlando. Howard said he was paying $100 a month for rent. He asked if he spent a lot on booze. Richard said he did drink beer but he would spend it on travel and fun things. Howard said he should assign someone to him to make sure he's doing his work there. He said he's so lazy. Richard said he's working his fucking ass off there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Dave Grohl asked him to be in the band would Richard do it. Howard said he thinks the guy was asking if the Foo Fighters asked him to do it would he do it. Richard said that would be up to Howard. He said he's actually happy where he is now. He said he loves it there. Howard said he love shaving him there. He said he's got a job as long as he can maintain doing it. Richard said this is his dream job. He said he listened to Howard non-stop. He said he would tape the show on a VHS tape and listen to it over and over all day. He said he likes the Foo Fighters but that was never his dream.
Howard said Live PD is coming back as On Patrol Live on the Reelz channel. He said that's happening in a few weeks. Howard said he has some clips from Live PD to play too. He said he does like hearing this stuff. He said he'd watch this too. Howard played a clip from the show where a drunk guy was rambling.
Howard said the guy sounds like a possum that learned to talk. He said when he watches these shows the police are comically polite. He said his uncle was a cop and he would never put up with this stuff. He said they'd sober them up real quick.
Howard said he hears that clip and that's what he thinks Richard would sound like now if he hadn't hired him. He said he'd be a terrible cop because he'd take out his night stick and beat that guy. Robin said no one knows what the police have to go through day to day. She said that they get judged by just the bad things that happen. Howard said you never know what people are up to and what might happen. He said it's the hardest job in the world.
Howard said he has more clips from Live PD. He said this is a guy with false teeth that fall out and no one wants to pick them up. Howard played that clip and the guy was trying to speak and his teeth fell out. The police said they didn't want to pick them up without gloves on. The guy got pissed at them for that.
Howard played a clip of another drunk guy talking to the police about how much he loves them. Howard asked Richard why he likes this so much. Richard said it does makes him think about being younger and it's fun to see people being wild.
Howard said with this abortion ban they're going to see more of this kind of stuff. He said that he would never have a camera on him if he were a cop. He said he'd never put up with nonsense. He said he wouldn't know where the bruises came from on the heads of these guys.
Howard said he'd have a show where he'd whack guys on the head with his night stick when they're drunk in public. He said he's the wrong guy to be a cop. He said his uncle was a sergeant. He said he had his gun in a holster on his hip. He said he had a revolver back in the day. He said he would look at that thing and think about how he'd be able to deal out some justice with that thing. Robin said she went out with some friends the other day and they had a gun on them. She said that she was shocked to hear that they had gotten rid of the conceal carry thing. Howard said the law is still in effect there though. He said the whole thing is bullshit. He said he wont get into that.
Howard asked Robin if she was out with friends again. Robin said she was. She said she ate outside and wore a mask to the place and then took it off to eat.
Howard said being a police officer is a tough fucking gig. Robin said having people being able to conceal their guns won't make their job easier.
Howard said he has another clip to play. Richard said he remembers getting wasted on the show and Howard got mad at him and he saw Officer Stern. He said he sobered up real quick that day. Howard said he wrote a love and hate list and he hates drunks. He said they're fucking annoying and stupid. He said he's sober and he doesn't even have trouble with alcohol. He said he thinks he took Richard into a room and tased him.
Gary said he was in Maryland a couple of years back and this guy was shitting on the ground and the cops wrapped the guy in a blanket. He said he was covered in shit. He said the guy was in the back of the car and the shit was all over. He said he realized they'd have to clean that shit out of there.
Howard said this is a clip of a guy shitting himself on Live PD. Howard played the clip and the guy said he had diarrhea and he has to go to the hospital. Howard said he'd love to give that guy some justice. Howard said this guy thinks it's like a limo service calling the police.
Howard said he could never be on that show. He said he'd have a whole plan for guys like that. He said if they shit their pants he'd have to beat him so he'd look like he should be in the hospital.
Howard said this is a drunk Richard calling Will. He played a clip of Richard doing that back in the day. Howard said his is why Richard likes that show. He said it reminds him of that. Howard did his officer Stern character going off on some of these guys. Howard said he'd be no nonsense. Howard said you need an officer like him to bend the law a little bit.
Howard said the cops on TV have to behave like girl scouts. He said not him. He said he'd be handing out tasings. Howard had a clip of a drunk woman from Live PD. Howard played that clip and the woman was rambling and cursing a lot and it was hard to understand what she was talking about.
Howard said he needs proof that was a woman. He said alcohol must mess up your voice. Richard said maybe there were many cigarettes involved in her life. Howard said he would release her with a tag on her ear to figure out if she gets in more trouble.
Howard said no wonder Richard loved this show so much. Howard said this woman hid crack in her asshole. He said they had to stand there while she tried to dig it out. He said if only Officer Stern was there. Howard played the clip and the cops asked the woman if she had stuffed a crack rock inside herself. The woman didn't have an explanation for why or how she did it so quickly.
Howard said if he were a cop he'd get fired so quick. He said people are a fucking mess. He said this is what he means. He said he would not be a good police officer. Richard said Steven Seagal used to ride with the police. He said he could be like him. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about him.
Howard said this clip so a naked guy on acid. He played that clip and the cops got the guy on the ground and he started screaming.
Howard said that's got to be more than just acid. He said he had to be on something else. Howard played the screaming again. The guy's buddy told them that they had taken acid. They were both naked apparently.
- 14 Year Old's Trump Impression. 06/27/22. 9:25am
Howard said he has a 14 year old kid who does a Trump impression. He took the call and the kid, Daniel, said he has a pretty good Trump impression he'd like to show him. Howard asked how long he's been working on it. Daniel said about 2 years now. Howard said a lot of people rushed to come out with their impressions. He said he waited to come out with it until now. He said that's okay. He said he'll listen to it.
Daniel did his impression of Trump and Howard said he has to tell him something. He said he has the it factor. He said don't do it for anyone else. Daniel said he's not doing it for anyone else. Howard said he has to get him on an exclusive contract. He let Daniel go a short time later.
Howard asked if he does anyone else. Daniel said he does one other. He did another impression that was about as good as his Trump. Howard said he's up to something. He said that he won't make kids cry anymore. He said he learned that on America's Got Talent. He said he won't tell that kid what he really thinks. The impressions were awful.
Howard had Fred play the tapes of his Batman show impressions. He had tapes from when he was a kid. He played them and Howard said his friends used to call him Rich Little Talent. He said his parents had no interest in what he was doing so he never played that stuff for them. He said he shared a tape of his first radio show in college to his dad and he wrote 5 pages of nothing good. He said he was told he had no talent and he should stop saying 'Uh' and there was no talent there.
Fred played the clip again where Howard was doing the Batman stuff and he was doing the sounds for the car and things like that. He called it 'Got-Ham' city so Robin asked what that was about. Howard said he did that so he wouldn't get sued. Howard said all the signs of greatness were there.
- Wolfie's Mom And Fake Alex Jones Preview. 06/27/22. 9:30am
Howard said when the get back he's going to play a tape that will blow your mind. He said he has audio of Wolfie's mom talking to fake Alex Jones. He said it's so great. Richard said he heard it and it's awesome. Howard said Wolfie is so normal and he's not sure how that happened. He said his mom believes any conspiracy theory she's told. He said he's waiting for his fucked-up-ness to show. He said he has friends who have whacked out families and they seem normal. He said Wolfie is really lucky.
Howard asked when Wolfie last had her over to his house. Wolfie said she's not allowed in the house but she did come over recently when they went out camping. He said he has no idea what will be played today. He said it's too painful to hear what she falls for. He said it hurt to hear from the other guys what she was saying. He said that she still hasn't been vaccinated. Robin said she wishes there was something to vaccinate her against what it is she has.
Howard said fake Alex Jones and Wolfie's mom were on the phone for 2 hours. Richard said he heard the whole thing. Howard said he did too and he may have to play it as a special on Howard 101. Wolfie said it gets worse and worse the more you hear. He said it's horrible.
Howard said he has a preview. He said when they come back they'll have her in full force with Alex Jones. He said they might get the whole thing on the app though. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
- Pee Hands, Ass Water And More. 06/27/22. 9:40am
After the break they played a phony phone call Sal made to a religious show asking them to pray or his possessed son Benjy. They also played a Jeff the Drunk bit and Maren Morris' ''Girl.''
Howard came back and said this is one of the best songs he's ever heard. He said just listen to that. He said she's easy on the eyes too. He said if she ever did porn he's pretty sure he'd like to see that. He asked if he microphones were on. He said he was watching porn yesterday and it was a very respectable teacher sitting there masturbating and she had a female student walk in and interrupt her. He said one thing led to another and they ended up doing things together. He said he loves it when that happens. He said he was peeing during the break and his pee was like a sprinkler. He said it was going all over. He said he had to wipe the whole toilet off. Robin said just pee on the floor at this point.
Howard said he had to wash his hands this time. He said he usually doesn't touch his penis. He said he was washing and washing and that's why he was late coming back. He said he was busy trying to hose down the bathroom.
Howard said he was peeing the other day and he doesn't know how it happened but he had pee on his leg. He said he had to change his underpants the other day because his body is betraying him. He said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said he came up with a new word. He said he was sitting in the bathroom and he came up with ass water. He said that's the water that comes out when the Toto stream shoots up there. Robin asked how many people have that. Howard said everyone in Japan has it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to say that women who want to date Johnny Depp and people like that are messed up. She said she fasted and she looks like she's 20 years younger after that. Howard said Robin did that and turned people on to that. Howard said she's using sea moss. Howard said Robin has inspired many.
The caller was telling Howard about her friends not listening to him anymore and how she thinks that he has evolved and it's great. The caller said that Howard and Robin seem to have a lot of resilience in their lives and she asked if he thinks that having one adult in their lives that they could go to helped. Howard said no. He said he didn't have anyone to turn to. He said he suffered many traumas and never thought to go to an adult for help. He said they didn't offer him any solace. He said he remembered one incident in high school that he had pushed out of his mind. He said it almost cost him his life. He said he never thought about going to an adult about it. Howard said that parents should just be there for their kids. The caller started to talk about how she's the go to parent and Howard cut her off and hung up. He said that he didn't trust any adults until he got into college. Howard said he had a teacher in high school throw chalk at him. He said he was actually helping the bully who was beating him up by doing that. Howard said what a fuck. He said the professor in college was nice to him and his name was Jim Wilcox. He said he was a lovely man. He said he contacted him a few yeas ago and he said he didn't remember him. Robin said she was almost in a gang fight as a kid. She said that this guy who was around called all the kids in and talked them out of the gang fight. She said that he was right and she thought that the fight was he craziest thing she had ever heard.
- Wolfie's Mom And Fake Alex Jones Meet. 06/27/22. 9:55am
Howard said he should get to the Wolfie stuff but it's time to end the show. He said he should hold off on it until tomorrow. He said he's not sure if he wants to do it now. He said he will do it because he loves the audience so much.
Howard said Wolfie's mom is out there. He said she's refusing to get vaccinated and she believes in so many conspiracy theories. He said she is a strong woman and she sticks to her beliefs. Howard said he admires that Wolfie was able to rise above all of that. Wolfie said none of the political stuff came up until 2016 or so. He said that she has been weird but this all started in 2016.
Howard said she found her people when Trump came to power. Howard said that's what he finds. Wolfie said she has her purpose now. He said she's researching and finding stuff out. He said she has a trump standee in her living room too. Howard said he finds that the people on the fringe feel very comfortable saying stuff like ''fuck the gays'' or fuck your rights and things like that. He said it's a new era of embolden kookiness. He said everything goes.
Wolfie said his mom has been kicked off of Facebook multiple times and it's like a badge of honor for her.
Howard said Wolfie's mom believes a lot of these conspiracy theories. He said they figured she was ripe for a prank call from their Alex Jones impersonator. He said Steve Nowicki does the impression and they had him call Wolfie's mom. Howard said to make it as real as possible they produced it like it was a real show. He said they had commercials and games to play.
Howard played the first clip where Alex called Wolfie's mom, Barb, and talked to her about some of these conspiracy theories. She was telling Alex that she's hoping that Wolfie can help Howard Stern see the light some day.
Howard said in the show, which went on for 2 hours, Alex asked her to play a true or false game. He said she did so well that she won an Elk urine drink. Alex was asking her questions about the earth being flat and things like that. She said it's more disk like and we did not land on the moon.
Howard asked if this is the first time Wolfie is hearing this. Wolfie said he heard it when it happened but it's painful to hear. He said she thinks the earth is flat and that's the woman who gave birth to him. Howard said it got worse from there.
Howard said Barb and Alex were bonding over how Michelle Obama might be a man with a wig. Howard played some audio of that discussion.
Howard asked if Wolfie knew his mom was such a big researcher. Wolfie said she never did that until recently. He said she looks into stuff 2 hours a day but she's not learning anything. He said this is how she's spending her days now.
Howard said she knew a lot about 9/11 and a bunch of other conspiracy theory stories. Howard said she puts in a lot of time looking into this stuff.
Howard said Barb read a bunch of fake product stuff for fake Alex Jones. Howard played a clip of Barb reading a commercial for Alex. Howard said they prayed for each other and then Barb and Alex started speaking in tongues. Howard asked if Wolfie knew about this. Wolfie said she has talked about the speaking in tongues thing before. Howard said it's a beautiful thing. Howard played a clip of them doing that.
Wolfie said this is rough. He said he's crying. He said this is brutal. Howard said he must not see the humor in it. Wolfie said there's nothing he can do about it. He said there's no way to change this.
Howard played another clip of Alex talking to Barb about this crab man he speaks to and he only speaks in clicks. He had Barb speaking to him in clicks.
Howard answered a knock on the door and it was fake Alex Jones who told him that he blew it with Barb and now she's just doing his show. Alex said shame on Wolfie for being a demon and please let her know that the crab people were very moved by her words. Alex did one of his commercials before he left.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's so sorry for Wolfie and his mom has to get it together. Howard said that she should just stay off the phone with Alex Jones. Howard let her go and wrapped up with Wolfie. Howard said tomorrow they do have Ronnie and Lenny Dykstra going head to head in JeopHorny. He said everyone can't wait for that. He played the theme song for the game and ended the show around 10:15am.