- Vacation Replay Show: Day 8. 05/31/23. 7:00am
Howard is on vacation this week so, on Howard 100, they're replaying interviews and various segments from the past couple of years or so. I will only cover what they play from 7-11am. They may run over that time. Here's what they played today:
- Drew Barrymore Recap & Jon Blitt Bits - October 25, 2022. 05/31/23. 7:00am
First on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard played Jon Blitt at the VMAs and more. Here's my rundown:
Some Calls And Bonus Blitt Bits. 10/25/22. 7:55am
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Jon Blitt is a gay man. He said based on what he hears he thinks there is no doubt there. He said the way he talks and how he dresses shows it. He said he's disappointed that Chris Wildling hasn't said something.
Jon said he wants to come out of the closet now. He said he's been gay for 11 years. The caller said that he's been gay his whole life. Jon said he wants to come out now.
Howard asked the caller if he is gay himself. The caller, Keith, said he is. He said Jon has to step up and just come out. Howard said Jon did not lose his virginity until he was 27 years old. Jon said he lost it to someone named Kevin. Howard asked if that's true that he didn't have sex until he was 27. Jon said it is. Keith said he's gay.
Howard asked Chris if he thinks Jon is gay. Chris said he can see why people would think that but he has been alone with him and he never got a gay vibe from him. He said this guy is projecting. He said he wishes Jon was gay. He said he likes him. He said he wishes he could find a guy like Jon that is gay. He said he is so attracted to his personality but he's not his type. He said he's not gay but he is fancy.
Howard asked Chris if he has good Gaydar. Chris said he does. He said Jon is not gay. Howard asked about Ralph. Chris said no comment. He said he's keeping his mouth shut about that.
Howard said he has to move on with the show. Jon asked for Keith's number. Chris asked if he's hot. Keith said he is. Chris asked how big his pecker is. Keith said he has an inch like Howard. Chris said get rid of this guy.
Howard said that's enough of Jon. He took a call from a guy who said he thinks the E.T. thing would be good as a special on Howard 101. Howard said he'd like to hear more bits from him. He said he's waiting for them. Robin said she thought that E.T. thing was very funny.
Howard said he'll give this guy some bonus Blitt stuff. He said they sent Blitt out to a press junket. He said Jeff Goldblum likes to say nice things about the interviewer. He played a montage of Jeff doing that. Howard said he has done these junkets before and you don't remember everyone. He said that they think you do. He said that the interviewers always bring that up and say they remember meeting before. He played a montage of those interactions.
Howard asked if you can imagine that you have to interview these people and you ask if they remember you from 15 years ago. He asked why you're bothering. He said they sent Jon out to the MTV VMAs in August. He said he ended up talking to celebrities like he remembered them. He said this is Jon with a singer named Chloe. Jon said that his mother liked her music and she died listening to her music. He said she wrote to her and Chloe never wrote back. Jon asked her to say a few things to smokers and things like that. Someone pulled Chloe away from Jon after that.
Howard said Jon tried to be friendly with this rapper named DoItAll. He was talking about hanging out with him and doing coke and burying someone with him. The guy said he never did any of that.
Howard said Blitt has a super power. He said he makes every situation as awkward as possible. Howard said Blitt claimed to have partied with this Justina Valentine from Wild 'N Out. Jon was going on and on about how he had partied with her but she insisted that she didn't. Howard said she hated Jon.
Howard said Jon was messing with people all night. He said Jon asked for advice for his 11 year old daughter getting a tattoo. He said he wants her to get one but she doesn't want one. This tattoo artist said you have to be 18 to get one. He said that person has to want to get one. Jon kept pushing for it but the tattoo artist said he can't do that.
Howard said Jon talked to some people from Love and Hip Hop New York. He asked some people to pretend to be Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck for him. They went with the bit and did it for him.
Howard said there you go. He said he was in full on heaven. Robin asked if you can stand there and really say you're legally blind.
Howard said Jon spoke to a rapper named Unicorn151. Jon asked the guy to give some tips to his kid for his OnlyFans videos. He said he does a lot of naked stuff. He asked him to plug his son and his OnlyFans page. Unicorn did that for him.
Howard said that's good stuff. He said he loves that. He said he has to go out and do more of that shit. He said that Unicorn151 was nice to do that for him. Howard said he doesn't react well with that kind of stuff. He said he just wants to go home when he hears that.
Howard said that's all the feedback about the Drew Barrymore dating game. Howard said he has so much to talk about this morning. He said he has discovered the most talented person in show business. He said he will say who that is after taking a break. He said that he wants this person to induct him into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when he gets inducted. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
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- Dalai Lama Controversy - April 11, 2023. 05/31/23. 7:15am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about some crazy stuff. Here's my rundown:
Crazy News And More. 04/11/23. 8:30am
Howard said he saw some news about the Dalai Lama tongue kissing some young boy. He said that was weird. He said there's video of this guy and this little boy wanted to give him a hug and the kid was just a young boy. He said the Dalai Lama asked him to suck on his tongue. He said it's crazy video. He said he thought it might be a deep fake but it turns out it's real. He played some audio from the incident. Howard said they were saying that in that part of the world sucking on a tongue isn't a bad thing. Jason said it was sticking out your tongue is some kind of sign of respect. He said sucking on the tongue isn't normal.
Howard played some audio of a news report where they talked about the sucking of the tongue thing.
Howard said that the Dalai Lama apologized to people for what he did. Howard said that's just one weird move. He said you must forget that you're just a man and you can't do stuff like that. Howard said he just wanted you to know that he was just being playful.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Bernie Mac who had some things to say about the Dalai Lama and how he can't get any rest without crazy stuff like that going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they're missing the active shooters and how they get famous right away. He said this kid was live streaming it. He said the Nashville shooter wanted to be famous too. He said this is a thing that's going to continue to happen. He said that he's not sure what we can do to stop this. Howard said you can get into it and talk about gun legislation. He said it's too easy to shoot people up. He said he's not sure what good that will do. He said even hand guns can get off a lot of rounds so he's not sure. The caller asked why people are so angry. He said we have issues. Howard said it's just fucked up and he's not sure what we have to do.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Woody Allen who said he found the Dalai Lama kiss very hot. Howard closed the door on him very quickly. Howard said he's not sure who did that impression but it was not working.
- Drunk Charlene Wants Advice - April 25, 2023. 05/31/23. 7:25am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard gave a caller advice. Here's my rundown:
Drunk Charlene Needs Advice Or Something. 04/25/23. 7:30am
Howard took a call from a woman who said she called in back in December. Her phone was muffled so Howard had to have Robin interpret. The caller said she has him on speaker. Howard had her take him off of that and start over. The caller said she has been drinking and smoking weed. Howard said it's 4:30 in the morning in California so what's going on. She said her mother just passed away 3 days ago.
Howard asked how old this woman is. She said she's 39. Howard said booze isn't the answer. He said maybe the pot but not the booze. The caller said she has not left the house and she is cleaning it to keep busy. Howard asked what she does for a living. She said she's in real estate. Howard said she must sell one house every 3 years. He said he's met these types. He said she's the kind of woman who sells one house and just goes around looking at houses around with her friends. The caller said she has been in it since 2001 so she's not an amateur. She said she made $60,000 last year. She said she usually makes more. She said her mother passed away and she has some money in escrow. Howard said no wonder she's drinking.
The caller said Howard has helped her out a lot. Howard said what she's saying is that Transcendental Meditation helped her out a lot. Robin said she went right to the booze though. Howard said he'd love for her to be his real estate agent. She said she's a loan officer. She said she has to take care of her mother's deals because her mom was an agent. Howard said he's so ready to get out of this conversation. Howard said she has to quiet down. He said he has to recap this. He said he's trapped in this conversation with Charlene. He said none of this makes sense to him.
Howard tried to figure out what she was calling in about. He recapped what he knew. He said he doesn't know but he's not sure he would want a person who drinks at this time of morning. He asked if he's hot. Charlene said she told him this already. She said she thinks she looks better than Emma Stone. Howard said he calls her Emma Stoned.
Howard asked what he can do for her. Charlene said she just wants to be a good person and she knows that Howard went through this with his dad and mom. Howard asked what she's saying. Robin said she's not even sure now.
Howard said she should get a good phone with her mother's money. Charlene said she has an iPhone 13 Pro Max so it's good.
Howard said he has ''Carlene'' on the phone. He took the call and one of the staffers was doing an impression of Charlene talking to him while she's drunk. Howard asked her questions like he was asking Charlene. Charlene said she'll send a picture to them if they want.
Howard let the two talk for a few seconds. Howard asked Charlene what she's wearing. Then he asked Carlene who said she's wearing shit stained underwear. Charlene laughed at that. Howard let them talk a little more.
Howard asked Charlene if she would send a picture. Charlene said she will. Howard said he has another person on the phone named Charlotte. He said she's even drunker than her and her cousin died. It sounded like Chris Wilding doing the impression this time. He wasn't doing a female voice. Howard let her go with the impression for a short time.
Howard said he's had enough. He let Charlotte go. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this woman is horrible. He said she's so annoying he can't take it. He said he'd like to hear more of Charlotte though. He said that would be great.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if this woman is doing a loan every few months. Charlene said she has $2 million in deals. The caller said last year it was only 60,000. Charlene said it's different this year. She said she's not going to fight with him on this now.
Howard asked if Charlene is married. She said nope. Howard asked if she has a boyfriend. She said she wanted to talk to him about this. She said she has an issue. Howard said based on what he's hearing it would be very hard for a guy to be with her. He said she must look spectacular if she is fucking. Charlene said she has 3 houses and one is at the beach and two are very close. Howard cut her off when he heard another knock at the door. It was fake Sylvester Stallone who said he's very confused hearing this woman. Howard let him go pretty quick.
Charlene said that she has 2 boyfriends and one knows about the other and the other doesn't know about the other. Howard said he has to turn this around and ask her for advice. He said he really has to go. Charlene said she understands. Howard asked Charlene what he should do when someone is on the phone and won't get to the point. Howard let her go a short time later. He said just send him a picture. He said there's no way she can look good. Charlene said she actually does look good. She said that he told her to lose weight last time so she did that. She said she lost the 5 pounds he told her to lose. She said she's 5'6'' and she's 135 pounds. She said she has 34-D cups. Howard asked if they're real. She said she had a boob job. Howard said he bets they look hard as rocks. She said not at all. She said they're saline. Howard said he bets they look in different directions. She said not at all. She said she hasn't worn a bra in weeks.
Howard said he has to see what this chick looks like. Howard had Memet pick up on her so he make that happen. He said this woman is so annoying. He said there's nothing hotter than a smoker's laugh too.
Howard wondered how fast she's going to blow through her mother's money once she gets it. He said she'll go through all of that and she'll blow right through it. He said it's like $5 million. He said one of the boyfriends will have an idea to use the money for opening a restaurant or something. Howard did his impression of Charlene talking to her boyfriend about what they could do with the money.
Howard asked Memet if he got the picture. Memet said he hasn't gotten anything yet. Jason said she's sending pictures now. Howard asked why he didn't tell him that. Jason said they were working on it. Howard picked up on Charlene again and asked if she sent them. She said she's working on it. Howard said this is her job. Charlene said she's on her phone and she's working on it. She said her laptop is in the car. She said she's sending it right now. She said she has no filter on the pictures either.
Howard said he can't believe they're waiting around for this. He said he knows they're going to be awful and he'll have to be nice to her. He said he knows how this is going to go. He said he'll just say she's gorgeous and he has to go. He said even at his age he's waiting around for a girl he knows isn't hot to send pictures. He said she's no Emma Stone. He said he's going to take a look at the picture. Jason said he just got it. Howard took a look at it. He said she actually is pretty good looking, bye! He said she does look pretty actually. He said he'd like to see her body too. Charlene said she does and she can send more. Howard said he wants to see her body. Charlene said she'll send one. Howard said he thought she was going to be a train wreck. He said she sounds like a mess. He said she's not bad though.
Jason sent another one to Howard. Howard asked what the second one is. Charlene said she had some professional pictures taken. She said that was when she was 22. She said that was after her boob job. Charlene said she's trying to send things rapidly. Howard said 22 years old is a dream. He said send something more recent. Charlene said she has one from a year ago. Howard said she looked good at 22.
Howard said he has to move along so this is it after this next picture. He said that he has a lot to get to. Charlene said his wife is so adorable. Howard said of course. Howard took a look at the picture she sent and told her to stop yapping. Jason said they're refreshing email there. He said it hasn't come through yet. Jason said it just came in. He put it on the screen for Howard to see. Howard said he has to go. He thanked Charlene for the call. He said she's attractive. He said she really is. He said he has to go though. He said bye. He said he told you that was going to happen. He said the last picture she sent you can't see anything. Robin said she's sitting at a fountain with a friend. Howard said that's what's wrong with him being a guy. He said he would hang out waiting for that picture. He said he just had to see it.
Howard said it never ends. He said Charlene is beautiful on the inside... and the outside. He said she's a pretty girl.
- Tattoo Origins - June 15, 2022. 05/31/23. 7:55am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about his tattoos. Here's my rundown:
Howard's Tattoos. 06/15/22. 8:05am
After the break they played a Father's day message from George Takei and Coldplay's ''The Scientist.''
Howard came back and talked about Chris Martin and how that guy is fucking Dakota Johnson. He said she's so hot in that 50 Shads of Grey. He said they must be up to all kinds of nonsense. Robin said she thinks that's her acting in those movies. Howard said come on. He said Chris is all quiet about it. He said he won't talk about his relationship. He said he saw Coldplay just played somewhere and she showed up and probably blew him after the show.
Howard said you read about how Chris and Dakota hang out with Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband and you wonder what's going on there. Robin said that's great that they share children and they're able to be comfortable with each other. Howard asked why. Robin said it shows they're completely done with that part of their lives. She said they're happy with their lives they have now.
Howard said her head must spin when he's performing a song like this. He said she probably keeps a tight leash on Chris too. He said the whole thing turns him on. Robin said the way he expects people to devote their lives to each other is wild. She said he thinks they're having this wild life.
Howard took a call from a woman, Morgan, who was about to ask something but Howard talked about Robin going to that wedding for a minute.
Morgan said she wanted to ask Howard about his tattoos and what he has. Howard said all of his tattoos are wonderful but one. He said he gets on the air and talks about people fucking them up. He said he has his wife's initial on his finger instead of a wedding band. He said he figured he had earned that one. He said there are people who get their whole hand tattooed and they can't get a job. He said they can't get a job because of that tattoo. He said you have to earn them. He said you have to get a job and earn it to get a tattoo. He said there are a lot of people who don't want to hire someone if they have tattoos all over their bodies. He said he doesn't care himself but there are people who care. He said certain professions shouldn't have tattoos. He said a doctor is one. He said you don't want to see your doctor with a sleeve of tattoos.
Howard said he got the ohm symbol on his pinkie for a stupid reason. He said the guy tattooing him had one. He said he told him to stick that on his finger. He said it is embarrassing when people ask what it is. He said the guy told him that the tattoo artists all get that. Howard said he has an Apple and a Bianca tattoo. He said he has one on the back of his neck too. He said it's a stupid symbol. He said it's something Irish. He said he's not even sure what it is.
Howard said he fucked up when he got his first tattoo on his arm. He said he was so afraid of his mother that even in his 30s he was afraid to get a tattoo. He said he was afraid to show her an earring. He said he used his TV show to break the news to her that he got an earring. He said he came out and showed his mother the earring and she said that's her body and her ear. He said he took the earring out after she berated him over it.
Howard said he wanted to be cool and wanted a tattoo. He said that this was going to make him cool. He said he was hanging out with Dee Snider from Twisted Sister. He said he had two tattoos on his arm. He said on one arm he had a ram's head of some kind. He said it was a dead animal. He said he thought that was cool. He said he told Dee he wanted something cool like that. He said he waned a cool tattoo. He said he didn't know what he liked though. Howard said he was afraid to get it because of his mom. He said he asked Dee to come with him to pick out a tattoo but that was kind of lame. He said he asked Dee if he had any ideas. He said he wasn't picking up on it. He said he wanted him to tell him what would be cool. He said he had to pick something out on his own. He said he wanted to get something that wouldn't offend his mother. He said he did the lamest thing ever and someone told him to get the astrological sign for Capricorn. He said he hates astrology but he ended up getting that symbol. He said that nothing means anything to him but he thought this might mean something. He said he had to get it done quickly so he got it done. He said he wanted to be somebody. He said you look at Post Malone and he has Kurt Cobain stuff on his face. He said he put ''stay away'' under his eyes. He said he also put ''stay awake'' on his head. He said that he has passion about his tattoos. Howard said he just wanted something desperately and quickly.
Howard said he figured he'd get it in brown ink and maybe his mom won't notice. He said he got the worst color and the big Capricorn sign. He said he looked like a douche. He said it was too late and it was done. He said he had a big brown birth defect on his arm. He said his mother saw it and asked ''what is that!?'' He said he wore long sleeves in the summer for a long time. He said the tattoo looked like bird shit.
Howard said he got a tattoo on his neck and then a few more. He said he has about 7 now. He said he won't do more than that. He said years later he covered up the Capricorn thing. He said they designed this thing for his right arm and he asked for a dragon or something. He said he doesn't even like dragons. He said they're not even real. He said he asked them to turn it into a dragon and they came up with something that doesn't look like a dragon. He said it's in the shape of his Capricorn. He said it's not clear what it is and he hates it. He said it looks kind of cool when he wears a t-shirt but when you see the whole thing it's not so cool. He said Beth's friend once asked what it is and said she doesn't get it. Howard said he told her he hopes she told her it's a dragon because he's a bad ass. He said it looks like a Salamander with Down Syndrome. He said it's on his skinny arm and it looks emaciated. Its not something you'd be scared of.
Robin told Howard not to use the Down Syndrome thing. Howard said he was watching Love on the Spectrum and they have a Down Syndrome person on the show dating and it's so sweet.
Howard said the tattoo isn't going anywhere. He said he's not going to get it lasered off. He said he's too lazy to do that. He said he's sticking with it. Howard said you have to be really careful what you get.
Howard said he loves the other tattoos but not that one. He said he has his dog's name on his arm and he likes that. He said he likes the little Apple for his cat. He said he won't get anything else. He said they have had a lot of cats they've lost but they can't put all their names on them. He said Beth might get more but he won't. Howard let the caller, Morgan, go after that.
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- Ronnie's Twitter - October 4, 2022. 05/31/23. 8:15am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about Ronnie and Apples. Here's my rundown:
Ronnie, Chris And Apples. 10/04/22. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about how he was just reading Ronnie's tweet about Titty Tuesday being on fire. He said he's not seeing Robin but he's seeing himself. He said he kind of looks nice. He said he doesn't know what to say. He said it's just the right angle on him.
Howard said Chris Wilding was telling him that Apples, the guy who calls Ronnie, is kind of a genius and he loves the guy. Chris said he does think Apples is good. He said he saw that this Rachel Dolezal is in the news. Howard explained who she is and how she has two white parents and she was the head of the NAACP and claimed she was black. Howard said you can't be white and be the head of the NAACP and claim you're black.
Chris said she has an OnlyFans and some of her pictures came out on social media. He said Apples wondered if Ronnie would repost some of those. Chris said that was a great idea and he sent them to Ronnie and he retweeted them on Twitter. Howard said she's really not sexy. Ronnie said Chris has too much free time. Robin said this is his job. Ronnie said this is bullshit. He said Apples is a moron. Chris said he's a real up and comer.
Chris said that Apples has a picture of himself with this race car driver Ron Capps. He said he wanted to see if Ronnie would retweet it. Ronnie said Apples looks like a fat fuck Mexican who just crossed the border. Howard asked what kind of comment that is.
Howard got Apples on the phone and put him on with Ronnie and Chris. Howard said Chris was talking about what a great guy Apples is and how he should join the organization. Ronnie said he'll leave if he joins. Ronnie said his name is Lenny and not Apples.
Howard said that Rachel Dolezal really is not a sexy woman. He said he admires her bravery putting her body out there but Ronnie has to have some quality control. Ronnie said no he doesn't. Chris said there are a lot worse out there. Apples was talking over Chris so Howard said he might be a genius but he is talking all over them.
Apples said that Ronnie's quality control used to be great so that's why everyone followed him. He said he's speaking for the fans.
Howard asked how many times Ronnie has tweeted this morning. Chris said it's at least 20 times. He said he should read the captions. He said they had apples in the Apples tweet. He said he should have seen that. Robin asked if he ever stops to look. Ronnie said he looks at them real quick. Chris said that's how they got him to tweet penises.
Howard asked if Ronnie is still tweeting the helicopter company. Ronnie said he is and it's his friend's company. Howard asked why he's not tweeting his buddy Wayne's car company. Ronnie said he never puts anything up.
Chris said that Ronnie was tweeting out an NFT company post too. Ronnie had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard said Ronnie's world has become Twitter. Ronnie said it's really not. He said he just does it before the show. Chris said that Apples is the really talented guy. He said he loves an angle. Ronnie said how about Chris talks to Apples and don't talk to him.
Howard asked Chris why TikTok is the big thing now. He said it all seems the same. Chris said they can get to stuff quick on TikTok. Howard said it seems all the same to him. He said it's so fucked up.
Howard wished Ronnie luck with all of that. Apples asked if Ronnie can get married on the air. He said he would donate to him if he did. Ronnie said no way.
Howard asked who Ronnie's best friend is. Ronnie said he has a lot of guys. Howard asked him to pick just one. Ronnie said there are too many. Fred threw in Harv who Ronnie said he hasn't spoken to in 10 years. Howard asked if it's Kurt Busch. Ronnie said they're all equal friends. He said Kurt is a good friend. Howard said he can see that he doesn't want to talk. Ronnie said he doesn't pick and choose friends and put labels on them.
Howard asked Ronnie if it was a big deal to become Kurt's friend. Ronnie said he's friends with a lot of drivers. He said he's not the only one. He said he sees Kurt more than others though. Howard said he must lay in bed thinking about how great it is. Ronnie said not at all.
Robin said Jann Wenner is still impressed when he's sitting in a studio with Mick Jagger. She said when you idolize someone you still think back to when you just watched them.
Howard said Billy Joel is one of the greatest musicians that has ever lived. He said growing up in college he would sit in his room and listen to Bill's albums. He said when he comes to his house for dinner he thinks it's pretty great. He said it's a big deal.
Howard said Ronnie must think like that. Ronnie said in the beginning it was like that but it's not like that now. He said they're just regular guys who go to work every day.
Chris said Ronnie retweeted this picture of Apples because he was in a picture with Ron Capps. Ronnie said he did. He wasn't making any excuses for that. He said he just likes the guy.
Ronnie said that Chris is trying to get one over on him and he's becoming just like this Apples guy. He said he's no friend. He said there is no friend on the fucking Zoom here either. Howard laughed. He said he's really angry today. He asked how his day was yesterday. Ronnie said it was fine. He said nothing is going on.
Apples said that Ronnie has Howard's book on the very bottom shelf of his book shelf. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about but he's going with it. Ronnie said that all the books are there. He said they're all on the bottom. He told Apples to get a life. He said he sucks as a comedian and he cleans trailers for a living. Robin asked why he's putting him down for that. Ronnie said that's because he fucks with him.
Apples brought up Ronnie's wedding again. Ronnie said this guy stalks girls on Twitter and tries to get them to visit him in Colorado. Robin asked if that's true. Apples said his girlfriend wouldn't like that. Howard asked if he has a girlfriend. Apples said he does. Ronnie said no he doesn't.
Apples and Ronnie were talking about some girl that Apples knows on the internet and Ronnie claims he was trying to fly her to Colorado. Apples said in 2020 he and this woman were talking on the phone and he did invite her out to Colorado but she lives in Australia. Ronnie said he knows that he was trying to fly her and he was going to pay for it. Ronnie said he's lying about not offering to pay for her flight. Apples said that he does not pay for a trip from Australia. Ronnie said they have him exposed. He called him a fucker.
Howard asked why Ronnie keeps saying that he cleans trailers. Ronnie said he sells them so he has to clean them when they get traded in. Apples said that he doesn't do that. He said Ronnie has old information. He said he got that information from someone who left the show. He said that he has elderly information. Ronnie said everyone knows he's exposed now. He said this girl does some shit for the show and she talks to Mike Pearlman all the time. He said get her on the air and see what she has to say.
Apples said he's been selling RVs for the past 2 yeas. He said he doesn't clean them. Apples said he has a lot of fans who bought trailers. Ronnie laughed and said yeah, sure you have fans. He said the only fans he has are the fans in the trailer.
Howard said Apples claims he has a girlfriend but he's not sure if he does. Apples said he could get his girlfriend on the phone but not for an hour or so. Ronnie said Apples is probably the night watchman at the RV place too. Chris said if someone is funny he's with him. Ronnie said this guy is not funny. He said his stand up sucks.
Howard said this bit might be funny but they can't even see the picture. He said it's one thing to have a great bit. Chris said this bit was good. He said he thinks it's funny. Howard said fair enough. Chris said he thinks this is an interesting young man.
Howard asked what Apples girlfriend's name is. Apples said he doesn't want to say. Howard asked how long he's been dating. Apples said since February. He didn't want to say her name because fans would start Googling her.
Howard said Ronnie is in a long term relationship. He said that's not a fling. Apples asked why he won't get married. He said they could make a show out of the wedding. Ronnie asked if he thinks this guy is so funny now. Chris said he thinks it's great. Howard asked who he's kidding. Robin said he's including himself in the plans now. Ronnie said he heard that.
Howard asked if there are plans for a wedding. Ronnie said there are. He said that he thinks no matter where he has it Robin would be there. Robin said she would be. Howard asked Ronnie if everyone from the show will be invited. Ronnie said he's not that big of a dick. He said it's not easy making a wedding list. He said he won't say who is invited or not. Howard asked if he has a date. Ronnie said he's not saying anything. Ronnie said they had a date but they don't now. He said they haven't really picked anything. He said the date got blown off because of COVID. He said that was the end of it. He said there isn't much talk about it now.
Robin said she's amazed that Ronnie has recreated the room that he used to have there. Ronnie said it's a smaller version. Robin said she's shocked that he wanted to recreate that. Howard said he left out a lot of the tires and stuff. Ronnie said he shares an office with Stephanie there. He said the other side of the room is her stuff.
Apples said he's going to have his girl call in. Ronnie said no one is going to believe that's his girlfriend. He said that he had his chance.
Howard asked Ronnie about his friendship with Kurt Busch again and asked if he can just say it's exciting to hang with his heroes. Ronnie said he's not a super fan of his. He said he's just a friend. Howard said Ronnie is the superfan, not Kurt. Ronnie said it's not like that anymore. Howard said he's just saying that he's excited to be his friend. Ronnie said he knows what he's trying to say here. He said he thinks that he's just his friend because he's a big star. Howard said he's just saying that he's a friend of his and it's exciting.
Howard said he's going to call bullshit on Apples for trying to get this girl to visit from Australia. Apples said he's not though. He said he tried to get her there in the past.
Howard took a call from Natalie from Australia. She's the girl that Ronnie and Apples were talking about earlier. Howard asked if this is one of the girls that Ronnie tweets. Ronnie said she is very sexy and she puts some cleavage pictures up but nothing nude. He said she doesn't do it all the time. He said she's a great girl.
Howard asked Natalie about what went on with Apples. Nat said that he was pretty forward and he was asking her to come and she felt kind of uncomfortable at times. She said that Ronnie has been her guy this whole time. Howard asked how he came on too strong. Nat said that he wanted her to move in with him. Howard asked if she turned down the opportunity to become Mrs. Apples. Natalie said she did. Howard said you can't come on that strong.
Apples said that they were having very serious conversations. He said they started off just sharing drops from the show. He said he did tell her that he rents out rooms and if she wanted to come there she could stay there. He said it wasn't an adopt an Australian program. He said he didn't offer to pay for her to come there. Howard said all Apples wanted to do was let her stay at his house. Howard said it sounds like he was looking for something romantic. Apples said she is a fun and awesome chick. He said she lives on the other side of the planet. He said he would ask her out if she lived there in the States. He said that's not realistic. Howard said he wants to fuck her and not just be her landlord. Apples laughed.
Natalie said that he never did offer to pay for her flight but he did offer to let her stay at his place. She said she did think that he might chop her up into little pieces or something. Apples said this is the same woman who walked into Jeff the Drunk's trailer. Chris said she is a bit of a hanger-on with people from the show. Natalie said she did hang out with Jeff but she felt bad for him. She said she had a genuine friendship with him. She said she's not just attaching herself to people from the show.
Howard asked if she visited Jeff. Natalie said she went with Shuli to visit. She said she didn't even know that Apples was a caller to the show when she met him. She said that Ronnie is her mentor.
Howard said Natalie sounds like an attractive woman that a lot of guys are into. He said she seems to be into trailers. He said that she's into Jeff and Apples who sells trailers. Howard said Ronnie was right about Apples wanting her but he was wrong about him offering to pay.
Apples said that he would have gone after her if she lived there. Natalie said that doesn't speak very well of his character if he says that. Apples said he was talking about how he would have done that before his girlfriend. He said Natalie was before he started dating this girl.
Howard asked if they ever had phone sex. Natalie said they did. Howard asked if Apples beat off. Apples said he thinks he did once or twice. Ronnie said this is the bullshit this guy is. Howard asked if Apples was good at it. Natalie said that she did do it with him and she faked it with him. Apples said he has the video. He said he'll send it to them. Howard asked what video that is. Apples said he has the videos that she sent to him.
Howard asked if Natalie ever had sex with Jeff the Drunk. Natalie said not at all. Howard had Jeff on the phone and asked what went on with them. Jeff said she's a stalker and she's just a fan of the show. He said she just wants to be on the show. Howard said she's got his attention now. He said she's worked hard to get his attention and it's working. He asked what his beef is with her. Jeff said he didn't call them, they called him. Jeff said he has no issues with her. He said he doesn't think about her. Howard asked if he wanted to have sex with her. Jeff said never. All the guys said bullshit.
Howard asked what went on in the trailer. Natalie said he was drunk and he had meltdowns when she visited. Howard said it sounds like she got scared. Natalie said she wasn't scared but she had no phone reception at the time.
Howard said he has to sum this up. He asked Natalie how disgusting Jeff's trailer was. Natalie said it was fine. She said it smelled like smoke but it was actually nice. She said it wasn't that bad.
Howard said he's going to sum this up now. He said Natalie knows all of these guys and she'll be summering with Bigfoot next summer. He was joking. Howard said Ronnie and Apples are still feuding and he's got that. He said Natalie did not get offered to be paid to fly there. He said there's more to the story but Ronnie won't go there. Ronnie said he doesn't want to embarrass the guy. He said there is more to the story. Apples asked what more there is.
Apples said that Ronnie is going to cut her off for talking to him. Natalie said that's not true. She said that she is friends with him. Howard said his head is spinning from all of this.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed is on the phone and he said that Natalie was supposed to visit him too. Howard got Ed on and Ed said he's still waiting for her. He said he offered to marry her. He said he has his own house if she's interested.
Howard said Natalie must have a creep fetish. Natalie said she does. Howard said he has to get out of this because he has a lot more to get to. Howard said there's a lot going on here. He said he'll give her Gary the Conqueror's number too if she wants it. Robin said she's hocked that High Pitch Erik isn't involved in this. Natalie said she has been in touch.
Howard asked if Natalie will call Ass Napkin Ed. Natalie said she'll call him later. Ed said he'll renew her subscription for her too. He was talking about Hulu apparently.
Howard said he has to get out of this. He said the phone connections aren't that great. He said what he's learning is that there's this other world where listeners contact other listeners and there's a whole eco-system of the show going on. He said he likes to take a look at it once in a while. Howard said he's exhausted. He asked if he can go home. He said he actually is at home. He let everyone go.
Robin said she didn't know where that was going. Howard said he wasn't prepared for this but you never know where it's going to go.
- Painting & Parents - January 17, 2023. 05/31/23. 8:25am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about painting and his parents. Here's my rundown:
Howard's Mom. 01/17/23. 8:35am
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say he's sorry for the loss of his dad. He said he lost his dad years ago. Howard said he still thinks his dad is alive. He said they didn't talk that much. He said it doesn't feel much different. Robin said she feels the same way. She said she sometimes has to remind herself that they're not there anymore. Howard said his relationship with his dad is about the same now as it was before. He said it's not that different. Howard said his mom is a different story.
The caller said that he saw that Howard put up a picture that he painted and he wondered if he'll have more up. He said he likes looking at it. Howard said he just does water color. He said sometimes he does stuff in sepia. He said he has an Instagram account with the paintings but it's just friends. He said that he doesn't want the comments. He said he was thinking that he should just put it out there. He said his wife posts it too. He said some of it is out there. He said he was paining this weekend and he was painting a wall with a statue on it. He said he'll have to see how it goes.
Howard said his mom just lays in bed all the time now. He said she will get up and sit at a table to eat. He said at least she's doing that. He said she'll go for a short walk in the halls there where she lives. He said it sounds promising when she tells him those stories. Robin said they say the more sedentary you get the worse things will get. She said it leads to a downward spiral. She said you have to keep older people moving. Howard said he tries to motivate his mom. He said she won't hear it.
Howard said he watched a video about a 96 year old gymnast. He said his mother isn't doing that though. He said he did call her on his birthday. He said it's more her day than his. He said he called his mom and asked how she was doing. He said she strained to say hello. He said that it's really her birthday. He said she laughs at that. He said he told her how great she was as a mom. He said then she goes through the same stories he's heard a million times.
Howard said then his mom changed her tune and told him that something horrible happened to her. He said he asked what it was. He said she tells him that this is the day she takes her shower. She said she got her hair soaped up before going into the shower. Then the water was turned off in the building. He said he asked for how long. He said she didn't know. He said that's a bad thing but it's not the worst thing in the world. He said she had to sit there with the wet hair. He said that was the big thing on his birthday.
Robin said that is a big deal if you can't rinse off. Howard said that was his birthday.
- The Queen's Funeral - September 19, 2022. 05/31/23. 8:30am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about the Queen's funeral.
The Queen's Funeral. 09/19/22. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about The Great American Nightmare and thanking Rob Zombie for that. He talked about how Rob's cat Mr. Zombie had died a couple of months ago.
Howard said he was just watching the funeral for the queen. Robin said she was too. Howard said he was watching the guys picking the box up and they had a crown on it. He said maybe it's glued to the coffin. He said they showed Prince Harry a lot and he likes that because he's the outcast. Robin said he stepped away from the family. Howard said he had some things to say about the whole thing. Howard said once he gets out of that pussy coma he's in with that wife he's going to realize he fucked up. He said they have so much. He said they have all kinds of property and wealth.
Howard said these MAGA people think they want a king but they have no idea what that would be like. He said we have laws here that we hold sacred here. He said the people who founded this country had this piece of paper that laid out how this was going to run. He said they came up with this thing so we don't have a king. He said the people have a say. He said in Russia now the oil industry guys are dying mysteriously. He said it's the autocrat killing them. He said people have not seen what happens when you give a guy ultimate power. He said they think if Trump is their king they can stop foreigners from coming here. Robin asked what they think these people are doing to them. Howard said they hate them and they think they're taking the jobs away. He said they're doing the jobs these people don't want to do.
Howard said these Trumpies have never experienced an Autocracy and think Putin is a strong leader. He said this guy can kill you if you disagree with him. He said it's the same thing in China. He said he's another maniac. He said they rule with an iron fist and you're fucked if you don't agree with them.
Howard said here we're able to have our own religions and have free speech and all of that. He said these people are willing to throw it away on this one guy. He said it's not a good time in this country.
Howard said he's watching this royalty with the king and the queen and all of that and he finds it repugnant. He said it's all a tourist trap. He said they keep showing Prince Harry and he could be doing anything he wants. He said he has such an opportunity to do something. He said King Charles hears that his son is throwing it all away he thinks his son is out of his mind. Howard did his impression of King Charles and talked more about what he saw during the funeral coverage.
Howard said they had this priest out there during the funeral. He said they had so many reverends too. He said this woman got up to speak and she's wearing a gigantic thing on her head. He said she's the secretary general of commonwealth of nations. Howard said he's been looking for answers after his father died and he was telling himself to listen to this woman. He said he wanted to hear what she had to say. He said he thought maybe she had something profound to say but he didn't hear anything. He said for the life of him he doesn't hear anything. He said he feels he's pretty educated but he can't figure this stuff out.
Howard played a clip of this woman at the funeral reading the bible. He said he has no idea what she's talking about. Robin explained that she was talking about Adam and how he blew it. Howard said Robin was always smarter than him. He said he had no idea what she was talking about. He did an impression of what he was hearing and it was just noise.
Howard said his dad's funeral was so much better. He said it was just a few people. He said Beth asked him what his take away was for this queen's funeral. She wanted to know what he wanted on his coffin. He said maybe a microphone. He said that he understands that the queen picked her own music for the funeral. He said they just stood around talking about his dad. He said no one knows what really happens. Robin said your body stays there and your soul ends up somewhere else.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Bill Shatner who said the woman at the funeral was speaking too fast. He did it at his speed and said that's the way to do it. Howard said now he understands it.
- Ejaculating 21 Times A Month - September 6, 2022. 05/31/23. 8:50am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about how much he's supposed to jerk off. Here's my rundown:
Howard's Masturbation Regimen. 09/06/22. 7:45am
Howard said he has been reading up on prostates. He said you're supposed to cum 27 times a month. He said he made a vow that he has to cum that many times a month but he can't do that at his age. He said he's way behind. Howard said he made up for it when he was young. He said he was doing that many times a day. He said he used to beat it like a raw roast beef. He said that he spent most of his day beating off.
Howard said they say you have to cum 27 times a month. He said he wondered how he was going to do it. He said he wanted to do that this summer. He said Beth will only do it like 3 times a week at most. He said he was going to get it done in the shower and probably cum 15-16 times a month. He said he can't get to 27. He said he knows his daughters are listening to this today so he wanted to say hi to them.
Howard said he came up with this routine in his head to give Beth a break. He said if she can do it one or two times a week then that's fine. He said that he would fuck her more but he's not sure she's up to it. Robin said she thinks the talked about it and 2 was okay with her. Howard said she may have said that for the air.
Howard said he came up with the plan and he started it for like 2 weeks. He said then he got into bed with Beth and he got a sharp pain in his lower right hand side. He said he wasn't able to fuck. He said that it was hurting so bad. He said he told Beth that he didn't think he could do it but he got through it. He said he's masculine as hell.
Howard said now he's taken a week and a half off. He said he beat off twice. He said he has to get back in the sack with Beth. He said he's a little nervous about it. Robin said this is what he should have talked to his dad about. Howard said he never talked about sex with his dad. He said his mother made him talk to him about sex around 16. He said he had already gotten laid. He said his father didn't tell him about anything. He just asked if he knew about sex.
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- Recurring Nightmare - January 11, 2023. 05/31/23. 9:15am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about a nightmare he keeps having. Here's my rundown:
Insurrection/Erection News Clips & Radio Nightmares. 01/11/23. 8:10am
Howard said he wanted to point out that it's two years since January 6th insurrection. He said the news casters still can't say insurrection. He said this is recent slips. He played a bunch of news people saying the wrong thing and saying erection instead.
Howard said Donald Trump's legacy is that his is what happens on TV. He said the erection thing is what he left behind.
Howard said he has these nightmares about his show and he can't get things going fast enough. He said he's unable to get the commercials and get the right music on. He said it's awful. He said it's a recurring dream and it's awful. He said he hated being a music DJ. He said it never occurred to him and pull everything ahead of time. He said he never asked another DJ what they did. He said he was too embarrassed to ask. He said he used his own methodology to get the job done. He said Fred saw him running around like crazy.
Howard asked Fred why he never said anything. Fred said he figured it was because he had to tape his calls and all of that. He said his hands were full. He said he was up against it.
Howard said he has that nightmare over and over again. Robin said it's funny when you find out how people do a job well and they have it figured out. Howard said he would save his day by ad-libbing. He said that's in his dream. He said whenever he has these dreams he's on a station called WLIR in Hempstead, Long Island and he's never been on that station. He said he's not sure why that's in his dream. He said he's always the guy on that station in his dreams. He said he grew up listening to that station. He said he sent a tape there but they wanted nothing to do with him.
- Ray Stern's Love Of Beth - January 9, 2023. 05/31/23. 9:40am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about his mom's love of Beth. Here's my rundown:
PornHub Stats, Masturbation And Howard's Mom. 01/09/23. 7:15am
Howard said the previous pope died and he heard that they have to take a silver hammer and hit the guy on the head to make sure he's dead. He said that's what they say in the New York Post. He said he was thinking about the song Maxwell's Silver Hammer. He said he wonders if that's what that's in reference to. He said that's what they say you have to do. Robin said that's just silly. Howard said Stephanie does that to Ronnie every morning.
Howard said his father died this summer and he knocked him right in the head with a silver hammer. He said he wants that to make sure he's dead. Robin said it could really hurt or injure you. Howard said he'd rather have that than be buried alive.
Howard said he read about PornHub doing a review of people's porn habits. He said he loves this. He said the staff of PornHub gives an in depth review of people's habits. He said this is one of the people from PornHub giving the review. Howard said he likes the dialog in porn and he has to raise the volume because the audio is so off. He said he thinks he might have to wear headphones to do it. He said he listens to it quietly so he can hear the door if someone knocks on it.
Howard said this is Aria from PornHub. He played the clip and Aria talked about when people watch and things like that. She had music playing behind her. Howard said they're saying Sunday is the most popular day. Monday at 11pm is the highest traffic day. Aria read about hand jobs being the most popular thing to watch. Howard said they also said cream pies are popular. He said it's disgusting. He said he's not even sure exactly what it is. He said there's a jerking off category and JD likes that.
JD said a cream pie is where you cum and then the woman lets it ooze out. He said you just see it. He said he's not into that. Howard said he isn't either. He said he doesn't even like when a woman spits on a guy's penis. He said he makes no sense but he isn't into that. He said he doesn't even like seeing penis in porn. He said he'd rather just see women.
Howard said he was watching some porn yesterday and this woman was so hot. He said she doesn't even look like she belongs in porn. He said these lesbians were kissing each other's knees and foreheads. He said he had to fast Howard through all of that until the got into more. He said he has never seen licking knees before. He said he doesn't think they were real lesbians.
Howard asked JD what a masturbation video is. JD said it's just a woman masturbating. Howard said that's boring to him. He said he's not sure what a hand job video is either. JD said he's watched that. He said it's just a woman jerking a guy off. He said he can think about him being in that position. He said that he can imagine her doing it to him. Howard said he has a good imagination then. He said he can't imagine that at all.
Howard said this cream pie thing is disgusting. He said he can't believe that's a popular thing. JD said it's also the risk of getting the woman pregnant and things like that.
Howard said he thinks Benjy said that he's into those videos. He said he thinks maybe he said that he just likes eating cream pies. Howard asked Benjy why he's into it. Benjy said that's what sex is supposed to be. He said he likes the idea that the woman may get pregnant from it. He said that's hot to him. Howard said wow. He said he isn't into that. He said he's not thinking about getting a woman pregnant. Benjy said there's something hot as hell about that. Howard said he's a weirdo.
JD said that there are breeding videos and the women tell the guy they want to get pregnant. Benjy said sometimes that's a bi-racial thing. He said it's a black man being asked to knock up the wife.
Howard said he has to start this audio over again. He had Aria reading all of the details for when people are watching and what they're watching. Robin said Howard is going to fast. She asked why she's talking so fast. Howard said that's porn. Robin asked what scissoring is. Howard said that's two lesbians rubbing their vaginas together. He said he really doesn't know. He said he just jerks off. JD said that it's the two women rubbing with their legs split. Howard said he likes that. JD said it's okay. He said it's okay when women are into that. Howard said he likes when women go down on each other.
JD said he likes boy girl and a blow job. He said he likes a girl bouncing her ass on a dick.
Howard answered a knock on the door and it was the woman from PornHub giving more details. The impression wasn't that close to Aria. She was slurring her words but giving Howard's information out about what he watches. Howard asked if they're spying on him. Fake Aria said they are. She gave more details about what Howard is watching.
Howard asked why they chose her to be the person at PornHub. He said she's very difficult to understand. She said she's very eloquent.
Howard asked what JD's details are. Fake Aria gave his details and said he's busy on PornHub from Monday to Sunday. She said he's a real creep and he cums 3-5 times a day. JD kept saying alright already and tried to get her to stop with the details.
Howard said he feels so invaded. He said they have stats on everyone. Howard asked if they have information on President Biden as well. She went into details about him and Trump as well.
Howard let fake Aria go and thanked her for checking in. He said that he got into this thing about trying to avoid prostate cancer. He said he knows he has to cum way more than his wife can do. He said he has to do it on his own. Robin said he has to say he's doing it for medical reasons. He said he is. He said that's exactly right. He said he and his wife had sex last Friday or so. He said that he wanted to jerk off on Saturday. He said they say you should jerk off like 27 times a month. He said he can't do it every day. He said he has nothing left in the tank. He said he had sex maybe Thursday. He said Friday he masturbated no problem. He said he had to do it again on Saturday before he visited his mom. He said that would make him more chill. He said his mom says some stuff that sets him off so he has to be relaxed. He said he wasn't able to cum on Saturday. He said he was rubbing it for like a half hour and getting raw. He said he's so happy when he gets it out.
Howard said he is so neurotic when it comes to health. He said he doesn't want prostate cancer. He said his dad died from that technically. He said he's just trying to keep from getting it. He said he'd like to bang his wife through his 70s. He said he's sure she won't want to do that at 80. He said that he was trying to masturbate but he wasn't able to do it on Saturday. He said his penis didn't let him do it. Robin asked how long he tried to do it. Howard said there are times he blames the porn. He said that sometimes he'll bail and try something new. He said he watches a lot of girls who are coerced into having sex with dudes. He said he watches babysitter porn too. He said he likes it when people are under pressure to have sex. He said he likes casting couch sex but there's not a lot of that anymore.
Howard talked about how he likes real estate porn. He said that's when a woman is showing off a house and a she wants to have sex with the guy she's showing it to. He said the woman is showing off the house and then she ends up blowing him to buy the house. He said these are things he wouldn't want in real life but in porn he enjoys it. Robin said she doesn't get that.
Howard said he loves step brother and sister and even step mom stuff. He said he likes that. He said he loves lesbian stuff. He said that he likes the massage videos too. Robin asked when he has time for anything else. Howard said he has too many categories. He said he likes it when a woman goes in for a massage. He said that they get right into it too soon though. He said he likes it when they resist.
Howard said it sounds like people aren't into what he's into based on that clip they listened to. He said there's a lot of stuff he won't watch that people are into. He said it would be funny if he had a video where he had to convince Robin to have sex with him. He said it's stuff like that. He said it would be weird to jerk off before you go to see your mom. He said on Thursday he'll be 69. He said it's hard to believe. He said he's embarrassed to be that old. He said it sucks.
Howard said he doesn't know. He said he used to be such a kid in radio. He said he was a bad ass. Robin said they were kids. Howard said it's really weird. He said he's an old guy and he feels like a little kid because he has to go take care of his mother. He said he should be an orphan by now. Robin said she knows a lot of people who have parents in their 90s. Howard said he just talked to Lou about his mom and she's 103. He said that sounds like fun.
Howard said Beth came with him to visit his mom. He said his mom has gotten really weird. He said she has this thing for Beth. He said she looks at her like he wishes she would look at him. He said its the weirdest thing. He said she won't look at him. He said she calls Beth her angel. He said then she gazes at Beth and says she's so happy he's married to her.
Howard said his mother does this other weird thing. He said when he got famous she was the one who would be so supportive of what he was when he was younger and how she knew he was special. He said that she was very supportive of what he was doing when he got into advertising and all of that. He said she has this weird thing where she takes credit for people's careers. Howard said his mother said she told Emily to become a rabbi. He said she takes credit for all of these things. He said she will say that and then put herself down first. He said she will say that she told him to be on radio. She said that she is the one who told him to do this stuff. He said she takes credit for all of this stuff.
Howard said all of the people who can't figure out what to do she won't take credit for. He said she did admit to one mistake. He was doing his impression of her the whole time he was talking about her. Howard said his mother did say that she was wrong about how women never look like they do in Playboy because he did marry Beth.
Howard said his mother is also putting him down in front of Beth. He said his mother tells the story about how his teachers never saw anything exceptional with him when he was in school. He said she goes on and on about how there was nothing worthwhile there. Howard said he blew up at her over that. He said he went off on her about where they were living and how he was getting beat up every day. He said he was fighting with a 95 year old woman over this stuff.
Howard said Beth loves that his mother is so in love with her but even she sees that she's way more in love with her than she is with him. Robin said they're never going to get better about that. She said she can't figure it out. She said they say you get wiser when you get older but that's not happening with her. Howard said his mom seems to think he should be humble. He said he thinks that she's afraid that he'll leave her if he becomes too much of a big shot. He said she has to take him down a notch. Robin said it's like Meghan Markel's family and what they do to her. She said they're getting the opposite of what they want though.
Howard said he watched the movie The Whale with Brendan Fraser and the movie is so great. He said it's like the fantasy of a family that can see who you are. He said he cried like a baby. He said he had real tears. He said sometimes he thinks he's crying but has no tears but this made him cry. He said that was incredibly moving. He said Beth wasn't crying but he was. He said The Whale and To Leslie were really good. He said they're the two best movies he's seen this year. He said he cries like once every 20 years so that was a big deal to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it seems like his mom is giving Beth the love that she never was able to give him as a kid. Howard said it does. He said his mother was talking about the first time she saw Beth and how she went over to her and said she can size people up and she saw that she's a giver and she knows that she's a giver because she's a giver too.
Howard said every time they visit his mom she tells that same story. He said she will start it and they fill in some of the details that they've heard so many times already. Howard said Beth lived a charmed life and she doesn't need that praise. He said he's the one who needs that praise.
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- Radiohead's Creep 30th Anniversary - February 21, 2023. 05/31/23. 9:55am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about the song ''Creep'' and more. Here's my rundown:
''Creep'' 30th Anniversary. 02/21/23. 8:15am
After the break they played a Jason Kaplan ''What foods will he miss most'' bit and Foo Fighters ''This is a Call.''
Howard came back and said this is a good song. He said this was the first Foo Fighters song that Dave Grohl recorded. He said he likes to be an expert in that stuff. He said he likes the line ''Fingernails are good.'' Robin said she doesn't like the line about visitors being good. Howard said she's right about that. He said that guy Sebastian Maniscalco has a bit about company coming over and how fun it used to be but now you hear a knock on the door and no one moves.
Howard said he was reading about the Radiohead song ''Creep'' is celebrating its 30th anniversary. He said this is one of the best rock songs ever. He said this guy Thom Yorke wrote the song in college. He said that it was their highest chart topper. He said he thinks it's the guitar riff that did it. He said the great thing about it is that it almost didn't get released. He had the song playing and said it's that guitar riff that kills him.
Howard had some audio of the producers of the song talking about how the song ended up being released. They were talking about how there was only one take for that song.
Howard said they were talking about this Scott Walker guy and how they thought the song was a cover. They didn't know it was an original. Howard said Thom did re-record his vocals. He played another clip where the guys were talking about that.
Howard played some of the song as they were talking about certain lyrics in the song. Howard said sometimes the best songs come about because no one thinks they're anything. He said some people think the guitar riff was a mistake but that was always part of the arrangement. Howard played some of the raw audio of that part of the song.
Howard said he wishes he could do that. He said that must feel unbelievable to hit that chord afterward. He said that he loves that part of the song.
Howard said Gary's coughing and clearing of the throat fits perfectly in that part of the song. He played what the guys had edited into the song. Howard said he never would have thought to do that with Gary. He said he should do that with his band Tuchus. He said he's Phlegmmy Hendrix.
Howard said Radiohead aren't the only song writers credited with the song. He said they used part of a Hollies song in it so they got sued and they had to credit them with the writing. Howard said he doesn't hear the rip off there. Robin said she doesn't either.
Howard said the band stopped playing the song in concert and they just got back to it in 2021. He said they call the song the same name but they have a complete remix they do now. He played some of that. Howard said they must hate the song. Robin said it's so great though. Howard said they wrote a song called My Iron Lung about how much they hated the song. He said that it's crazy how they don't like the song. He said the song is so great though.
Howard said a lot of people have covered the song. He played a montage of people covering it. He didn't have a list of the names of the bands and performers doing it. They had a lot in that montage.
Howard said Macy Gray did the song on their show. He played some of that. He said she didn't have that guitar riff in it though. Howard said she's great.
Howard said that's the 30th anniversary of the song ''Creep.'' Robin said it's been haunting the band for 30 years. Howard said Macy Gray had a big song. He asked Fred what that was. Fred went looking for it. Howard said it must suck to have a huge song and then not be able to follow it up. Fred played the song ''I Try'' for Howard. Howard said what an unusual voice.
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- Sam's Mom - March 29, 2023. 05/31/23. 10:10am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where they talked about Uber driver ratings and Sam's mom. Here's my rundown:
Surprising Staff Uber Ratings. 03/29/23. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about his song ''The Great American Nightmare'' with Rob Zombie and how he remembers recording that. He said he was in studio and Rob told him to sing his part. He said he's barely on it now. He said he was asked to sing like he did on the radio and he wasn't able to do it. He said it's very difficult to be in studio and sing. He said he thinks Rob has a way of singing that he thinks he wanted him to imitate. He said he sounds great but he asked him to do it like that and he can't sing like that. He said he was very self conscious about doing it. He said if Robin was there she would have been able to calm him down.
Howard said he loves Rob. He said they performed the song at the premiere of Private Parts on MTV. He said it was a very exciting time in his life.
Howard said he was telling the crew about something. He said they were talking about Uber drivers. He said he didn't know how complicated the rating system is. He said he didn't know the drivers rate the passengers. He said it's very complicated. He said they say if you get a 5 star rating as a passenger and you have a rating below a 4.8 or so the drivers won't pick you up. He was wondering how they rate you. He said there's tip and they started out without tipping. He said he's not sure how you fuck up sitting in a car. He said that he just sits there and he says good morning or whatever. He said that's it.
Robin said there are people who get in a car and they order the driver to take certain routes and stuff.
Howard asked who the three lowest rated riders are on the staff. Howard said Ralph is at a 4.3. He said Ronnie hated Ralph with a passion. He said he didn't want him in his car. He said he was belligerent and stuff like that. He said he has a real problem in life. He said no wonder he can't work for anyone. He said Ralph claims that people don't have a good sense of direction. He said he used to tell Ronnie that.
Howard got Ronnie on and asked him about that. Ronnie said if they got caught in traffic he'd go crazy. He said he'd tell him he didn't know where he was going. He said he'd do it to his guys too. Howard said Ronnie had lovely guys who drove for him. He said they know the city. He said Ralph would get upset and say they didn't know where they were going. Ronnie said he whispers to Howard and it's really insulting. Howard said Ralph is rude.
Chris Wilding said that Ralph has 13 one star ratings. He said that's out of 200 rides. He said he has six 2 stars and 10 3 stars and it goes up from there. He said he's at a 4.78 himself. He said he has had arguments with drivers. He said Ralph will tell drivers where to go. He said he gets upset and he doesn't whisper. He said he's very vocal.
Howard said it's crazy. He said JD told him that one driver fell asleep on him. He said they were driving and the guy stopped at a red light and he fell asleep at the light. He said JD said he had to wake the guy up. JD said that he eventually got out and walked. He said it was just a few blocks he had to walk. He said it was crazy.
Howard said Richard told him that he was in an Uber and he had to take a shit. He said he went to a pizza place. Richard said the guy went in and he sat in the car. He said he waited there and he gave him about 15 minutes and he finally had to get out. He said he got out of the car and it was still running. He said it was just out on a Manhattan street. Howard said basically that driver ditched him.
Gary said he was recently in L.A. and his friend was late and told him that the driver picked him up and there was construction so the guy ran to a port-a-potty to use it. He said his friend was irritated. He said he could have stopped on the way up.
JD asked if anyone has had their driver yell at someone else. Chris said he has. He said then they start spewing weird political beliefs. Gary said he had that. He said this guy told him about how people jump off the Golden Gate Bridge and he wanted them to put diving boards out there or them.
Richard said he had a driver that was texting the whole drive. He said he was afraid to say anything. Chris said he's seen guys watching TV. He said they do Instagram and stuff and it's scary.
Howard said Lenny Dykstra is banned for life from Uber. He had some audio of Lenny yelling at a driver. He said this is from a few years ago when they spent some time with him.
Howard said this guy Graham is an Uber driver. He took his call and Graham told Howard about the many things you rate someone for in the Uber app. He said someone might leave stuff in the car or spill stuff. He said the person who books the ride is the one getting rated. He said the other people might do stuff in the car. He said they might try to fit 7 people in a 4 passenger car. He said people do that to him. He said he had someone who had just jumped in a fountain wanting to get in the car. He said no way to that.
Graham said there are people who are constantly on their phones and the passengers get on Facetime and stuff. Chris said they were talking about the drivers. Graham said the passengers don't have to rate or tip until the next time they ride. Howard said he gets it. He said there are two sides to the story.
Howard took a call from another Uber driver who said he had a guy get in his car who said he had a GPS implanted in his foot. He said he was psycho. The caller, John, said he had foil on his foot and he said he had someone after him. He said he was going to have to take him on a long driver and he said no. He said he just had to be nice to the guy. He said he was arguing with him about where he should be going.
Howard said it's a nightmare to be a driver or a passenger. He said any job where you have to deal with humanity is awful. He said everyone is a nightmare.
Howard asked Robin who she thinks has the lowest ratings on Uber. He said they found out and it was kind of shocking but not shocking. Robin said she's thinking it's Jon Hein. Howard said she's good. Howard asked for a drum roll. Howard said the bottom 3 are Jon Hein with a 4.67 rating... and then he asked who is next. Robin said Sal. Howard said it's Benjy. He said Benjy has a 4.6. He said number 3 is Samantha with a 4.2. He said he asked her how that's possible. He said she seems nice. He said she explained and it's interesting. He said she doesn't take a lot of Ubers. He said she puts her mom in the ride and she uses her account.
Samantha said that her mom is a lot to deal with. She said that she does send her mother often and she sends other people too. He said her mom might do stuff to annoy the driver. she said she's not sure and she doesn't take them often enough to make her have a low rating like that. She asked if they think she'd have a lower rating than the other guys.
Howard said Chris doesn't believe that. Chris said that Ralph owns it and the other guys might too but it seems strange to blame it on people she sends in her rides. Sam said she's not doing this. She said she's not going to engage. Chris said maybe she's a bit of a Karen in the car. Sam said she thinks it's fine to banter with people but if you talk shit to people off air then you can't interject into this. Howard said he didn't want to get into this. He said he believes Sam could be getting the low ratings from other people riding. Sam said she doesn't go out and party a lot and she doesn't take a lot of Ubers. She said she has a car.
Chris and Sam went back and forth for a minute. Sam asked if anyone thinks that she's a Karen. Howard said no one is sure but Chris is questioning it. Sam asked if anyone wants to step up and say something. Gary said he's stepping up in defense of Sam. He said they talk off air. He said that he thinks she can't fake it at work and be that different off air. Chris said Gary is a bit of a Karen himself.
Sam said she knows what it's like to be treated like shit in the service industry. She said she has had it happen to her. She said she makes sure to say please and thank you and tip. She said she thinks her mom may talk too much and that might be what it is.
Chris said to be one point below Ralph you have to be bad. Sam said he's right and she's pulling her pants down and spreading her asshole in the car. Howard said Sam is blaming her mother and her dog.
Howard asked Jon Hein what his excuse is. Jon said he's a friend of the service industry as well. Howard asked what his problem is. Jon said his rating is a 4.67 because when he's in an Uber he has certain standards that should be met. He said he tips very well but it's his ride and if the driver is on the phone and playing music he doesn't like then he may let them know in a polite way. He said that has led to him getting 13 one star ratings. He said he has also gotten 368 5 star ratings. He said he understands why his rating is what it is. He said he accepts it.
Howard asked Jon what he will say if he's playing music he doesn't like. Jon said he may run down his window or pretend that he's on the phone and complain about the volume. Jon said he doesn't want to talk to the driver either. He said that he just wants to get where he's going.
Howard said Jon is accepting responsibility. He said that he remembers that Jon was pushing people out of the way when people were looking at the eclipse there a couple years ago. Robin said he's also a road rage person so she's sure the way the person drives is very irritating to him. Jon said she is right but he tempers his feelings on that. He said they may appreciate his honest feedback.
Howard asked if Jon really pushed through crowds at Rockefeller Center to get to his lunch spot. Jon said he's fine with the eclipse thing. He said just get out of the way. He said he's right about the Rockefeller Center thing. He said just stay out of the way. He said he wants to get to where he's going.
JD said he used to go to lunch with Jon and he would follow him like a fullback and just let him push people out of the way.
Howard said Ralph has a low rating and he's on the phone. He went over his low ratings and Ralph said he's surprised it's not lower. He said he has zero tolerance for incompetence. He said Uber used to be great. He said you'd get into a nice car and the guys knew how to drive. He said things have changed. He said it became so popular and now they're at the point where any person with a cell phone can drive. He said they just need a cell phone and 4 wheels. He said they have no standards. He said just know where the fuck you're going. He said it's insulting.
Ralph said the other night he got into a car and he was like half a mile from the Holland Tunnel. He said he just anted to get home. He said it should have been 15 minutes. He said he got in the back and the guy was uptown going toward the Holland Tunnel. He said they were like half a mile from where they should have been going. Howard thanked him for the call.
Sam asked if he's out of line doing that. Howard said he's been in the car with Ralph and he will complain about the driver and he just asks him to relax. He said he gets so worked up over this stuff. He said he'll hear Ronnie tell him he's going to beat his ass. He said then Ralph wants to drive. He said it turns into a horrible experience. He said he doesn't care if they're delayed. He said he gets him there eventually.
Howard said he has no idea either way how long it should take. He said then Ralph gets him worked up over that.
Ralph said one time they were in the car with one of the other drivers. Howard said no no names. Ralph said they were going to see Star Wars Episode VII. Howard said they were going to a free movie and Ralph is getting a free meal and movie. He said he has to calm down.
Ralph said they were at Nobu 57 and they were going to this premiere. He said he was excited to see it. He said they had to go down to 34th street. He said this guy just had to go up and over to get there. He said this guy took a loop through Rockefeller Center during Christmas time. He said it took like an hour to get there. He said it should have been 10 minutes. He said they were late for the movie.
Howard said they should interview Sam's mother about what she does in the car. Sam said she'll probably throw her under the bus. Ralph said she must be bad in the car.
Howard said it doesn't surprise him that Benjy has a bad rating. He asked why he thinks that is. Benjy said he's been sending Sam's mom in his rides too. He said a 4.6 sounds good to him. Howard said it does to him too. Benjy said he has tweeted out that Uber should make the drivers talk to him. He said that might have something to do with it. Howard said he's doing the shtick thing. Sam said he's probably late. Chris said she might be light. Benjy said she has Chicken his dog with him sometimes. He asked Sam if she puts her mom in a bag. Howard laughed.
Howard said it wasn't that surprising that these guys were rated where they were. He said Jon Hein can get so angry and he gets that. He said he gets that. He said the thing was that the guys interviewed an Uber driver and he told a story about him that just wasn't true. He said he claims he's been listening to him since Hartford. He said this story isn't true though.
Howard played a clip of the guy talking about how he got picked up by this guy in 1979. He said he was probably a cab driver at the time. Howard said this guy thinks it happened but it just didn't happen. He played more of the clip and the guy told a story about how Howard didn't know where he was going and he knew he couldn't get in the front door. He said he started listening to Howard from that day on. He said he might be the guy who has listened the longest. The guy told a story about how he didn't talk much in the car.
Howard said he has met a lot of people like this who have stories like that but he had no money back then and couldn't afford a cab. He said he had a car that was a shit box. He said back in those days he wouldn't have trusted a driver to get him there. He said he was getting there at 6 and he drove his own car. He said the other reason it's not a real story is because that wasn't their address back then. He said there was no side entrance. Fred said that guy told an address that was built after Howard left.
Howard said those stories drive him crazy. He said they're just not true. Chris said at least it was a nice story. Howard said that's true.
Howard took a call from the guy, Bill, who said that's bullshit. He said he did take him on a drive. He said he took him to WCCC on South Whitney St. Howard said he's lying. He said he gave a different address. Bill insisted he picked his Jewish ass up. He said he told him he had to go to the side door. He said he started listening to him that day and has listened to him every since that day. Howard said he doesn't think Bill is making it up. He said he had a car. He said he didn't take a cab. Bill insisted that he did.
Fred asked if he took Howard to South Whitney on his first day of work. Bill said that's right. Fred said Howard started in 1978 and South Whitney didn't start until 1980. Howard said he never took a cab. Fred said Howard also had a Dodge Polara.
Howard said Bill is giving an address that was there after he left that place. Bill said he's not wrong. He said he worked on Sough Whitney. Fred said Howard worked on Asylum St. He said it was only a front entrance there. Fred said it's a nice story but it's not true.
Bill said that they were saying that they shouldn't tip Uber drivers. Howard said he never said that. He said they started out with the tip in the ride so he didn't have to deal with it. Howard said this guy is just arguing about what he said and not listening. Howard said maybe Bill picked up Rhea Pearlman or Fran Leibowitz back then. He said Fred knows where he worked and he didn't work at that address. Bill insisted he worked where he said he worked. Howard let Bill go a short time later.
Derek said that was his fault. He said he picked him up about 6 months ago and he had a vile Ronnie segment on in the car and he talked to him about the show. He said he heard the story and he apologizes for bringing that to the show. Howard said it's not a problem. He said there are many stories about him that just aren't true. He said he can't tell you how many people claim they knew him in college. He said he was a mess in college and he was so awkward and inward that he wasn't able to make friends. He said he won't get into it now but he had a weird ass upbringing. He said people claim they partied with him and drank with him. He said he only wishes that was true. He said that he didn't do any of this stuff they claim he did. He said it just wouldn't have happened.
Howard said he was in such bad shape that he would do LSD by himself. He said no one wanted to take it with him. Howard said Ralph had better work on his rating. Ralph said it stresses him out and he tries not to take the rides. He said they don't speak English and this guy was driving him at 20 miles per hour and there was no traffic. He said the ratings don't matter anyway. He said they're still picking him up. He said he could get a ride right now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they got an Uber at 2 in the morning and he had some family with him and his mother in law was puking in the back of the car. He said there was puke everywhere. Howard said this guy is blaming his mother too just like Sam.
Samantha's Mom Kathy Calls In. 03/29/23. 7:35am
Howard took a call from Sam's mother Kathy who asked what they're talking about today. Howard said her daughter is very lovely and she's claiming that she gets a bad Uber rating because she sends her in the Uber rides. Kathy said that she has to say that she is the best tipper she has ever met in her life. She said she's ridiculous. Howard asked what her behavior is in the Uber. Kathy said she could be the problem. She said it depends on the situation. She said that is an occasional thing. She said she wants to know about the Uber drivers and she may ask where they're from and things like that. Sam said she's asking them when they got to this country and things like that.
Howard asked Chris if he believes Sam now. Chris said the drivers may want to hang themselves with these two.
Kathy said that she'd rather take a bicycle than go in an Uber these days. She said there's so many charges and it's ridiculous. She said she might as well talk to these guys.
Sam said it's like having Mariann from Brooklyn in the back of the car with her mother. Howard said they seem like very different people. He asked if they ever wonder how they're related. Kathy said Sam is a clone of her. She said she looks and sounds like her but she's funnier than her.
Howard said after hearing this story he believes Sam. They asked what Kathy's rating is. Kathy said she's not even sure. She said she doesn't know.
Howard said that Sam was going to sign her mother up for the senior Bachelor show. Sam said she was thinking about it. Howard asked if Kathy is hot. Kathy said for her age she thinks she is. she said she's going to be 69. She said she knows it's not her thing but she's never had an issue in that area. Howard asked how she is in bed. Kathy said she's fabulous. Sam asked her to please stop. Howard asked if she remembers what position she was in when Sam was conceived. Sam said they can contact her dad from the dead.
Howard said Kathy sounds like a lot of fun. He asked if she still thinks about dudes. Kathy said of course she does. she said she's not into porn though. she said she thinks about all kinds of things. Sam asked them to please stop talking about this. Everyone was talking over each other.
Sam said that her mom is almost 69 and men don't want to date women that age. She said she has a great body and she looks great. Derek said she shoed a picture of her mom working out one day. He said Jason might have that. Howard said Benjy would date her. Kathy said no thank you to that one. Howard said a 68 year old just blew Benjy off.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Dice Clay who was looking for a threesome with these two. He said he usually starts with the daughter and works his way up to mom. He said the older women know how to use that thing. He said he'll give both of them an Uber ride on his face. He said that he'll give them 5 stars if they give them their brown star.
Sam said one day her mom came into the room after hearing her and her sister talking about sex and she came in and told them to never do anal and walked out.
Howard said Kathy seems like a wild ride. Ronnie said he wants to know more about her. He said he wants to know what kind of vibrator she's using. She wasn't giving that up. Everyone was talking over each other again. Howard let Dice go because Kathy was saying it might be time to go.
Howard saw the picture of Kathy they were talking about earlier too. He said she's a good looking woman. Howard asked when she was last with a man. Kathy said it's been a while. She said it's probably about 5 years. Sam said she's very picky. Ronnie said she'd be a lot of fun.
Sam said that she had a lot of guys hit on her who were younger and she would turn them down. She said that she didn't want that. Howard asked if Ronnie would do her. Ronnie said he would. He said he's 73. He said he'd do that. Kathy said he's getting married though. Howard said it's a new contest ''Bang Sam's Mom.''
Howard said he can see why Sam has a low rating now. He said it is her mom. Kathy said that you can't sit in the back and say nothing. Sam said you really can. She said she knows she's charming but not everyone wants to talk. Kathy said she understands. Howard said Kathy is hot and he's going to try to find someone for her. He said Ronnie is getting married but he'll try to find someone. He asked if she's a Lenny Dykstra fan. Sam said she's very successful and she's a catch.
Howard asked if Kathy is fully shaved. Kathy said she'll say yes. Sam said she's going to kill herself. Ronnie asked what kind of vibrator it is. Sam said she knows and she's not going to tell him. Ronnie said come on. Howard asked if they shared a vibrator. Sam said no way. Howard said his mom had this thing she had that she claimed was for her back injury. He said he used to jerk off with it all the time. He said he knew his mom used it but he put it on his balls and penis.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Arnold who asked if Kathy is any good with a mop. He asked if she's a good cleaner. Sam said that's the one thing her mom never did.
Ronnie kept asking about the vibrator. Kathy said she's not going to answer that. The whole line of questioning was making Sam uncomfortable.
Kathy said that one time she had a boyfriend and Sam was in college at the time. Sam asked her not to tell this story. Kathy went on with it anyway. She said she had a boyfriend and Sam was with her friends in the living room. She said the person came to visit her and she left the room thinking she was fine because the kids were loud. She said she went to the bathroom and Sam told her that her shirt was inside out.
Howard asked Sam what that felt like for her. Sam let out a sigh. Ronnie asked if she laid on the floor and listened in. Sam said she did not and that was very weird for him to do that. Sam said she is happy that her mom has been open sexually. She said they were all open about it. She said her mom was very open about it so she was very supportive of her. She said parents will shame their kids but her mom was very supportive.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Jeff Goldblum who said he likes hearing about this from Kathy. Howard let him go a short time later.
Robin said she wonders if that story with her mom's shirt inside out stopped the whole conversation in the living room. Kathy said not at all. Howard asked why not say to the boyfriend that they should wait for the kids to leave before doing anything. He said she may have wanted to be wild in front of the kids. Kathy said it was different than that. She said that it was more of a people pleasing thing. Howard asked Sam if she heard her mother in the bedroom. Sam said her friends were jerking off against the wall. she said that's just weird. She said she didn't hear anything.
Chris did his Mildred voice talking about the stuff she was doing. Kathy said the guy put a pillow over her face to keep her quiet. Chris did the Mildred voice again but muffled.
Sam said when she was 12 or so she had a bad dream and she ran into her mom's room in the middle of the night and there was a man on top of her mom. She said he said they were just hugging but she knows they were fucking. Mildred said that she was hugging his penis with her mouth.
Howard said Kathy is a firecracker. He said he knows Ronnie would give her the ride of her life. Ronnie said they'd have fun. He said it would be nice. Howard said that way he'd be Sam's step father. Sam said they can play catch after he fucks her mom.
Howard said we're all sexual beings so don't be so uptight about sex talk. Sam said she's very open sexually but this is her mom. She said it makes her want to kill herself a little bit. She said she wants to crawl into a hole. Ronnie said she must be great in a lot of positions. Sam said she's sure she is.
Howard asked if it's true that Kathy is up for a lot of positions. Kathy said it's been a while but she's up for it.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Norm Macdonald who was saying he's interested in fucking Kathy too once she's dead like him. He said that she's 69 so he shouldn't have to wait too long.
Howard said Sam likes bad boys and is her mom like that too. Kathy said she was. She said it's been a while though. Howard asked what her definition of a bad boy is. Kathy said the first part is someone who is wild sexually. Ronnie laughed. she said that it's not choking and stuff like that but someone strong. She said that he has to be intelligent too. She said she would say that they're also totally unavailable. Ronnie said sorry about that. Howard said it's someone who will throw you down and take you. Kathy said then they walk away. She said that's what her definition of a bad boy is.
Howard said he's sure Kathy has to get to the gym and stuff. He asked if penis size matters to her. Kathy said she thinks it's ultimately a thing. She said she doesn't want it to be too big. She said it matters how it is when it's hard. Howard asked how big the biggest one was. Kathy said it was someone in college who had a big one. Howard asked how big Sam's dad was. She said he was well hung. Mildred said he was the size of a Mason jar.
Howard said this guy Ass Napkin Ed wants to be with her. Kathy and Sam both said no way to that. Howard had Ed on the phone and let him know the bad news. Howard let Kathy go and said he hopes she gets on The Bachelorette. He said she's delightful.
Howard asked Sam if it's true that Benjy wanted to date her sister and she said no. Sam said basically yes. Benjy said that's not true. He said she came to him and asked if he wanted to date her sister. Sam said that did not happen. Benjy said she did. He said that she was looking for someone and he was flattered. He said he didn't think it was a great idea. Sam said that's not what happened. she said she was complimenting him and she did say that she didn't get why he was single. She said she had just started there. She said she didn't know Benjy that well. She said he was always very nice to her. She said that she did mention that her sister was single too. She said she did ask him how old he was and Benjy wouldn't tell her. She said it went off the rails at that point.
Howard said there are a lot of guys on the phone who want to bang Sam's mother. He took a call from a 40 year old guy who wanted to try. Howard said her mom does sound like a fun woman. He said she doesn't sound old. He said she sounds youthful. Sam said she's a blast.
Howard asked if her mom is on any apps. Sam said she thinks she is. She said she's not sure what though. Chris was making up names for old people dating apps.
Howard said he loves knowing sexual stuff about his parents. He said he knows very little about his parents. He said that he got to know some on radio but not much. He said that he wanted to know what position his mother was in when he was conceived. He said he really wanted to know. He said she may have only put out in missionary. He said she didn't even know what doggy style was when he brought it up.
Howard said he thinks his dad was sexually frustrated. He said that his mother wanted to be celibate but his dad had needs so she gave in to them.
Howard said it was like his mom got drafted and she had to do what she did. He said that she did shock him once when she told him about how a blow job isn't really sex. He said she was agreeing with Bill Clinton about that when he got blown by Monica Lewinsky.
Sam said her mom was always open about sex. She said that it was surprising when she ran across the vibrator. She said that it was big, pink and sparkly. She said it made her feel icky and she's not sure why. Mildred said it looked like a unicorn's cock.
Howard said Ronnie kept asking what the vibrator looked like. He asked what he thinks now. Ronnie said that she had the real deal cock that she stuck in her. He said it wasn't one of those fake things. He said the fake thing had the big head on it and you rub it on your clit. He said that she was able to put this thing inside her.
Howard said that it would freak you out if she had lube and stuff. Sam said this is her only living parent. She said the vibrator wasn't clean. Chris asked if it was natural juices. Sam said there was no doody. She said maybe she was in a rush. Howard said maybe she used it when she had her period. she said tie wasn't red and brown. She said it was pink and sparkly.
Howard said the guys found a picture of the dildo. Sam said it looked similar to that. Howard said you don't want to think about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Sam is available. Howard said Sam is married with kids. Sam said she appreciates it though. The caller said this was the time to ask when she's all worked up.
Howard wrapped up and did a live commercial read and went to break.
- Blitt And JD Visit A Bath House - April 3, 2023. 05/31/23. 10:30am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked to JD and Jon Blitt about going to a bath house. Here's my rundown:
JD And Jon Blitt Visit A Bath House. 04/03/23. 9:55am
Howard said there are a lot of emails. He said he was going to get to more. He said he may have time to get to one more thing. He said he has a few things. He said he could talk about JD going to the bath house. He asked Robin what she wants. She said she wants the JD thing.
Howard said their writer Jon Blitt likes to have adventures with JD. He said that he's up for everything and JD is up for nothing. He asked if JD likes Jon. JD said he doesn't hate him. He said he is fun and a good guy but there's also the devilish side that gets kind of hard to deal with. He said there is a side of him that likes to get out of his comfort zone. He said this is one of the things he doesn't enjoy.
Howard said Jon too JD to a bath house there in the city. He said they offer several spa treatments. He said they have saunas and things like that. He said that they say sweating it out is the way to go. Howard said Jon thought that it would be comedy because JD hates the water.
Howard said JD almost drowned in a 2 foot deep pool after going down a slide. Howard asked if that's why Jon wanted to do this. Jon said he thought this would be good for his body and mind. Howard said Jon didn't tell JD where he was taking him. Jon said he did not. JD said he does not like surprises at all.
Howard played some clips of Jon giving JD a hard time about what to bring with him to this surprise visit. JD was not happy when he found out where they were going. Robin said she has been to these places and you can't believe how hot they are. Howard had some audio of JD talking about how hot it was in there. He said he can't handle this. Jon told him to just relax and get into it.
Jon said this was good for JD. JD said he felt like his skin was going to come off. Howard said Jon had JD wear some kind of Banya hat. Jon said it looks like a bucket. Howard said JD was miserable at this point. JD said he was miserable walking up the steps there.
Howard said after the hot room they went to a treatment where a message specialist hits your body with a bundle of leaves and twigs. Robin said she was going to ask about that. Howard said this must have relaxed JD because he talked about the first time he organized. He played a clip of JD talking about that and how he got a hold of some condoms and he wanted to see how it would work so he tried it out with a condom on. He said it was a crazy sensation and it just happened when he put it on.
Howard said he could hear the leaves hitting him. Robin said he was just speaking in a clear way when he was getting hit with the leaves.
JD said he kept his shirt on for that. He said he knew he'd get beat up. He said Blitt did it and that's exactly what happened to him. Blitt said that they stayed in the hot room for 20 minutes and talked about the Real Housewives and JD never even mentioned the heat.
Howard said they went to the rooftop terrace and had some food up there. He said JD enjoyed the Russian food except for one thing. He said that was too dry for him. He said Blitt was going to go get the chef for him to complain about it. Howard played a clip of JD talking about the dry Kasha. Jon asked someone to get the chef. JD said stop. He said don't get the chef. He said that he told Blitt to stop. Jon said he was asking one of the video team to get the chef. He said it wasn't the waiter.
Howard said Blitt has an amazing mind. He said he has a way with JD to get him to do stuff. He said he gets him freaked out. He said the most famous one is the airplane where he proposed to him. He asked if they come to him spontaneously. Jon said some do.
Howard said JD was tortured by this entire thing. He said he has a montage of JD's reactions throughout the day. He played that montage of JD freaking out about all of this stuff.
Howard asked what Jon has in mind for the next adventure. Jon said he may take JD live stone crabbing. JD said he doesn't even know what that is. Jon said he has taken JD out to some nice restaurants. He said he's a great dinner date. He said he talks and has things to say. He said he got pranked himself this weekend. He said he was in Nashville and he got a text from his girlfriend and she said she was getting a biopsy and she's know the results soon. He said he had to fly home to be with her. He said he got home and she told him that it was April Fools. Howard said that's not a prank. He said that's not witty. He said don't marry that woman.
Howard said Jon has to take JD to the front line of Ukraine to get his freak out there. He said that's April Fools. He said maybe take him Scuba diving. JD said he can't swim. Howard said so what. He said he has a tank and doesn't need to swim.
Howard they have to find something for JD to do like snake charming or something like that. They were throwing out all kinds of ideas for him.
Jon said he had JD out to dinner and they had some fans there that recognized him. Jon said they interviewed JD for like a half hour. JD said they had him on Facetime with their dad.
Howard asked if Jon pranked JD at all while they were out. Jon said he told some people about what JD was doing out and how he was going to meet his real son who he gave up for adoption 15 years ago.
Howard said JD had a final take on the bath house experience. Howard played a clip of Jon and JD talking about it. JD said he will never do this again. Jon said he has to do it just once a year. Howard said JD was wearing two right foot slippers at the bath house. JD said he was. He said they had them all tucked into a cubby hole and he just grabbed two. He said it was two right footed ones.
Howard said there it is. He said that was JD's big adventure. Howard asked if there were any women there. JD said there were some employees there who were attractive. Jon said he took Jason there once too. Howard said thanks for the update. Jon said maybe they can take Robin there next time. Robin said she's been to one before. She said that she felt like she was kidnapped there. She said she was locked in a room there and the owner didn't let her leave. She said that this guy wanted to show her how it's done and that's when he took her through the whole thing and took her out to the ocean and ran into it. She said she can't swim and he ran her into the deep ocean. She said then he brought her back and to his family and the wife had to show her something. she said she was thrown into a closet and they had a Jesus on a cross bleeding. She said she had no idea how to get out. She said they let her out and took her to breakfast and had her drinking alcohol. Howard said she should be honored that they went out of their way to show her this. Robin said she has never been back since.
