- Retirement, Sunscreen And Sal On Meditation. 09/15/21. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about what a masterpiece the opening song (The Great American Nightmare) is. He said they were able to work in a lot of things into that song. He said you gotta love it. He said his alarm went off and he wanted to retire. He said the guy who used to run this place, Jim Meyer, said he was going to retire and he's the same age as him. He said Jim told him he should keep going. He said Jim said people need him. He said it would be weird to leave.
Howard said he started thinking about what Jim is up to now. He said he's probably sleeping. He said he's in touch with him once in a while. He said he likes to hike. Robin said he never looked like a hiker. Howard said he didn't look like much of an outdoorsman. He said he thought he had a skin cancer scare and never left the house. He said his dermatologist checked him and told him he should wear sunscreen all the time even indoors. He said he gets the ultraviolet rays on him even inside. He said that he barely leaves the house. He said he wears a giant sunhat. He said it's like what guys doing landscaping wear. He said that it looks like something Lawrence of Arabia would wear. He said he has the flap on the back so his neck doesn't get burned.
Howard said he went to the beach with his mom and no one put on sunscreen back then. He said no one gave a shit about him. Robin said they didn't understand that stuff back then. She said they turned red and blistered. Howard said he knows that sunscreen was invented back then. He said he's not letting his mother off the hook.
Howard said he told his mother that he read that he'd be 15 points higher in IQ points if she had breast fed him. He said he tells her that and she tells him that doctors didn't know better and they were told to give him formula which was more filling. He said his mother said they just didn't know. Howard said someone knew and didn't use formula. He said shame on you for that. He said he was born in 1954 and not in the middle ages. Robin said she did listen to the doctor.
Howard said he sits and imagines what he would be like if he had a 15 point higher IQ. He said you take someone like Bobo who got an 88 on his IQ test. Robin said Sal was down there too. Sal said he was at 102. Howard said what shame on his family. Sal said he's smarter than his family. Howard said he has gone the furthest.
Howard said add 15 and Sal is above average. He said it's the difference between a fucking moron and above average. He said that's what 15 points could do for you. He said Sal believes that he levitates above his bed and that when he finds a dime someone is communicating with him from the dead. He said you look at that IQ and you think that at least there's no slobber coming from his mouth. He said 102 is a guy who runs out of work and stops at a hot dog place to get napkins so he can jerk off at a booth in a strip club. Howard said 15 more points and he might have gone to Berkeley or UCLA.
Howard said here's Sal talking about meditation. He said this is so arrogant. He said he does meditation himself and he does Transcendental Meditation. He said he picked that form of meditation because the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi found his master in a cave and he had to seek him out to learn to meditate. He said that he found this guy who taught him how to do this and figured out a way for modern western civilization to do meditation two times a day. He said he came back to this country and taught people how to do it and it took off. He said Sal has come up with his own type of meditation. He said he thinks he knows as much as anyone else about how to do it.
Howard played a clip of Sal talking to one of the staffers about what he does to meditate. He said he has red jasper that he rubs on himself and it gets hot and that goes into his body and all of this stuff. He has a breathing thing he does too. He had a long explanation for what he does to meditate. He said you connect with your heavenly father and other souls when you do this.
Howard said Sal is so annoying. He said he should take that red jasper and shove it up his ass. He asked who the souls are that he congregates with. He said he created a whole back story there. Sal said that the souls tell him not to listen to Howard and Robin. Howard asked what's with his tan. Sal said when he meditates he does it outdoors. Howard said he should put some sunscreen on. Sal said he did have melanoma. Howard said of course he did. He said he's a moron.
Howard said when he meditates he thinks his aura protects him. He said he looks like a red jasper now. He said he's literally darker than Robin. Sal said he loves it. Howard said it's crazy. Howard asked why all of these white men want to be black. Robin said they don't want it when they're looking for a job.
Howard said Sal is the color of mahogany. Sal laughed and said Mahogany Governale. Howard said he laughs at him. Sal said everyone laughs at him.
Sal said his dad wanted to look black and he'd soak himself in olive oil to get darker in the sun. Howard said they never look better with a tan. He said Sal looks odd. He said that you think that you look good but you never look good with a tan.
Howard said he knew a guy who liked to tan and he was as dark as Tan Mom. He said people walked around talking about what a goof ball this guy was. Robin said he thought he looked great.
Howard said Sal is like Sal Jolson. He said he looks like he needs a bath. Sal said blame the sun. He said sue the sun, not me. Robin said they have to get a restraining order from the sun. Sal told her to stop. Howard said he's like the color of a UPS truck. He said he's that exact color. Howard let Sal go after that.
Howard said his mother should have breast fed him. He said she got it all wrong. He did his impression of his mother talking about her childhood and how she had nothing. He had her telling the stories as he was trying to get to sleep. He had Ray talking about her lack of clothing and toys and how awful her childhood was. Howard said he doesn't think he'll be a sad adult after all of that.
Howard said he's not sure what he's even talking about. He said he wanted to ask Robin something. He said his parents would say something about having a ''bugaboo'' about something. He said he has used that term himself but he's reading the NY Times at 3 in the morning because he was wide awake. He said he was reading about how this person said they have a ''bug bear'' about something. He said that his mother would say ''bugaboo.'' He said he's reading this thing in the paper and he sees that it's ''bug bear'' and not ''bugaboo.'' He said his parents must have been wrong about it.
Gary said that ''Bugaboo'' is a real term and it was based on a thing called a Bug Bear in Scotland. He said that Bugaboo became more commonly used. Howard asked why that is. He said it sounds like people didn't get that it was Bug Bear. Robin said maybe they misunderstood and that's what it became.
Howard said his wife had never heard the term. He said Robin doesn't know the right one either. Robin said she had heard bugaboo.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he tried Sal's meditation and fainted after the second breath. He said it does relax you pretty good. Howard asked if he had his red jasper. The caller said he did. He said that took all of the energy out of him. Howard said it sounds like Sal is hyper ventilating. He said everything about Sal is moronic. He said it even sounds dangerous.
Howard said even the explanation he has is moronic. He said he's breathing in negativity and then breathing it out. He said how about breathing in purifying air and then releasing it. He said the whole thing is off.
Sal asked if he can explain. He said when he breathes in you envision the anxiety. Howard said listen to him. He said if you call yourself a meditation teacher, which you're not, then you breathe out the negativity. Sal said when you breathe in you contain all of the negativity. He said you hold it all in and then when you breathe it out then you envision it leaving you like a cloud. Robin said that's why you have to get all the breath out. Howard said that's not stressful at all.
Howard said Sal confuses himself. The caller asked if he ever talked to the squirrels about what they think about it. Sal said he did have a morning dove stop and look at him. He said he pulled in with his car and the dove refused to leave. He said he thinks that they get paralyzed so you know that they're looking at you. Howard asked if he ever gets angry that his mother didn't breast feed him. He said he could be as low as a 100 IQ. He said he could have been having a good day when he got the 102. Sal said that 102 is normal. Howard said he could have been 117. Sal said like Richard Christy. Howard said just like that. He said he's making a good point there.
Howard said Sal saw a yellow butterfly. He told him to explain that. Sal said when you see a yellow butterfly it means someone is seeing you from the other said. Robin said that he's saying this like it's real but he's not questioning it. Sal said it is real. He said that's the difference between them. Robin asked where it comes from. Sal said from the internet. Howard said it's like a hello from heaven from a loved one. Robin said they should tell him more than just hello.
Howard said Sal has another dime story. Sal said he gets them all the time. Howard said it's weird because they saw a dime on the ground on a walk and he was going to tweet it out. He said Sal thinks it's a message. He said the thing is that the dime is the smallest change in your pocket and it falls out because of that. He said Sal is going to get a message from him. Sal said he has so many dimes and he keeps them in a jar. He said he kisses them and puts them up to the sky and thanks his spirit guides for getting them to him.
Sal went to get his dime jar. Howard said he will play a song while he's doing that. He played a song about how dopey Sal is.
Howard said Sal thinks that trees communicate with you when the wind is blowing. He asked what the trees are saying. Sal said if you sit and meditate you have to be in tune with it and the tree will move. He said that's your energy. He said we're all synchronized as one. He said trees assist us in so many ways and we have to be grateful for them. Howard asked what he learned from the trees. Sal said nothing specific. He said maybe if a friend of his isn't doing well he'll ask the trees for help. He said he has a friend who is on a ventilator and it's not looking good so he asked the tree for help. Howard said he's imagining the tree falling on Sal. Sal said he had 3 trees fall during the last storm. He said they did some damage in his back yard.
Howard asked why no trees tell him to read a book to learn something. Sal said that's a good question. Howard asked if everything is a message. He asked what's not a message. He asked what's just a thing that happens that he doesn't see a sign in. Sal said sure he sees things.
Howard asked if this friend of his in the hospital was vaccinated. Sal said he was not. He said he wasn't anti-vax though.
Howard asked if a lady bug lands on him what is that. Sal said that one did. He said that was a sign. He said that's a sign and a beautiful sign. He said it's saying that you're doing the right thing. He said you have to be a better person and that's what he's learning from all of this. Howard asked what happens if a mosquito lands on him and bites him. Sal said that's not a sign. He said a bee sting isn't a sign either. Robin said maybe they're trying to get him to do something different.
Howard asked to see the dime jar. Sal showed him. Howard said that's all dimes he found in the street. He said that's a lot of dimes. He said each dime is a different soul. Sal said it just means you're on the right path. He said that people are with you and your loved ones hear you. He said that he prays to a lot of people and his dog. He said he gets the dimes when he has very strong prayer.
Howard asked about Sal kissing the dime and if he thinks that he's the reason we have COVID. He said those dimes are fucking filthy. He said he thinks it's funny that Sal thinks he's on the right path.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been suffering from depression and he tried Sal's meditation and now he's feeling good and he's been jerking off.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounds like Sal is a ghost buster and he's got all of this ghosts caught in that jar with the dimes.
Howard said Sal went to a birthday party and huffed about 20 birthday balloons. He said that's the path Sal is on. He said they say that wipes out brain cells. He said he's probably down to a 98 IQ now. He said Sal can't afford to be sucking in Nitrous. Sal said that high is incredible. He said he should do those balloons every day. Howard said Einstein could huff those things and still be okay but Sal should calm down with that.
Howard took a call from fake Sal's wife who asked him why the trees never tell him to do the dishes. She said he's a fucking idiot. Howard said she's a saint for staying with Sal. She said she must hate herself. Howard said he's sure she had a lot of options in her day. He asked what made her marry Sal. Sal's wife said that he's a good looking guy and he's charming. She said he has that Elvis kind of vibe and she was smitten. She said they were young. She said he's a moron but he's a good guy.
Howard said he heard that her family shamed her into marrying him. She said she was young and stupid. She said she should have listened to the trees when they told her to get away from him. Howard said he heard that her father threw Sal out of the house and said she shouldn't marry him. Sal's wife said that they wanted her to marry a 120 and she brought home Sal. She said her dad said ''this is the guy?'' She said she wasn't thinking. She said her dad asked if it was really the guy from the pizzeria.
Howard asked when she last blew Sal. Sal's wife said that she can't remember. She said it was maybe in the 80s or 90s. She said it's Richard's job to blow him now.
Howard said Sal was talking about sitting at home and seeing the birds at the window. He said they asked a biologist about that and they said that they see their reflection in the glass and they're looking at themselves. He said Sal thinks they're looking at him. Sal's wife said they have a ton of cardinals there and they're shitting all over the place. She said she has to wash the car from the bird shit. Howard said Sal thinks that's a sign too and won't clean it off.
Howard said he knows Sal has to meditate so he'll let him go. He told him to go rub his red jasper.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's on Team Sal with this. He said he was on a road trip last year and he asked his dad to send him a sign with a 50 cent piece and he got a 50 cent piece from the cashier when he got a snack. He said it was from 1979 when his mother died. He said he's kind of freaked out by that. Howard said he can't be falling for that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to walk to the grocery store and this woman would walk this path to the store every day and they would seed the path with pennies so she'd find them on her way. He said she was so happy thinking that all of her family were leaving signs. Howard said they do that with Sal. Howard said they should do that for him. He said his fear in all of this is that he's influencing other people. Robin said that people are all drinking in this silliness. Howard said he thinks that Russian agents are trying to take us down and they're using people like Sal with this stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been finding a lot of dimes the past 5 years. He said that he doesn't believe that God sent these signs but he does think about his dad when he finds this stuff. Howard said this is why we're not defeating COVID. He said we're done. He said the country is over. He said he just wants to live a few more years and get out of here. He said there are too many damaged people out there. He said it all comes full circle.
Robin said she has a friend who didn't like her mother when she was alive but now she leaves pennies everywhere for her. She said she thinks every time she sees a penny it's her mom. Howard said how about leaving some bucks so you have some real money.
Howard said he has to take a break and then talk about their buddy Norm Macdonald who passed away. He said Norm did their show a bunch of times. He said he's sure that if you find a dime today that it's Norm. He said every time he sees a dime it reminds him that Sal is a moron. Fred played some sad music and played Sal saying dopey things.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal is one of the ultimate narcissists. He said that he thinks out of billions of people he's the one person the spirits are communicating with. He asked what he's thinking. Howard said lets leave it at that and stop beating up on Sal. He said you're overwhelming the guy. Howard went into a live commercial read for Trojan condoms and told stories about how he grew up thinking they were called scum bags and how he used one for the first time and isn't even sure if he finished. They went to break after that.
- Caller Seeks Threesome Advice. 09/15/21. 8:10am
After the break they played a ''This month in Wack Pack History'' bit about losing Hank the Drunken Dwarf and Train's ''Drops of Jupiter'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and sang along with the Train song. He said Pat told him that song is about his mother's death. He said she died and he had a dream about her being back in the atmosphere. He said he wrote that song in about 15 minutes. He said the drops of Jupiter are about her being able to do anything now and she went to Jupiter and came back and had drops in her hair.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he and his wife have a threesome scheduled so he was looking for advice. He said he's never done that before. Howard said he came to the right place. The caller, Mark, said that they met the other woman and they're super excited about it. He said that she's done it but he and his wife have not. He said they just want to know what to expect. He said that this is taking it to a crazy level and they're looking forward to it.
Howard said this threesome thing comes up on the show from time to time. He said he isn't as confident as this guy is. He said he's afraid that his wife whole leave him if she was with a woman. He said that he has trouble with that whole thing. Mark said his wife likes dick too much. He said that they have kids and they're not going to drop what they have.
Howard asked if Mark is going to be allowed to fuck the other woman. Mark said oh yeah. He said that they would talk and she'd ask him if he wanted to fuck other girls. He said it was just a fantasy thing but then she started saying that she wanted to see him fucking other girls. He said she found this app where they can connect with people. He said this one turned out to be a real thing and she's a cool chick.
Howard asked if they have met her. Mark said they did meet in person for some drinks. He said that she's a physical trainer and she's very fit. He said that he and his wife are very fit too. He said they're in their 40s but they take care of themselves.
Howard asked who is hotter, the wife or the other chick. Mark said his wife but the other chick is super hot. He said that she says she's into dick so she's not into women more than men.
Howard said he would cum very quickly if he was in this. He said that what he would do is beat off before doing it. He said he would beat off at least 3 times that day. He said he'd start in the morning and get it out of him. He said he'd probably still blow his load too quick.
Howard asked why there's such a build up to this thing. Mark said they met the woman and they had a hotel room. He said that she had her period that night so they had to wait. He said his wife had her's the next week so they had to wait again. He said that's all out of the way now and they have plans for next Friday.
Howard said he thinks he'd get to it right away. He said he wouldn't wait for the big build up. He said he's listening to this story and Rome was built faster than what they're putting together. He said that by the time they get to it they're going to be 65 years old. He said he's never heard of such planning. He said just get to it.
Mark said the build up has been crazy. He said he and his wife talk about what they'd be doing and it's been great. Howard asked what the plan is. Mark said they have a hotel for next Friday and they'll have drinks and go to the room after. Howard said they should get drinks and just go to the room. Robin said just have the drinks in the room. Howard said she's right. He said fuck the bar and just go to the room. He said he might need wedding plans for this the way it's going.
Howard took a call from a woman, Tina, who said that she has some advice. She said that she has a lot of experience with threesome's and you don't really plan it. She said you set some rules and boundaries with the wife but you let the women take control. she said the man should step back and let the women control it. She said her husband will let her and the other woman do their thing. She said the more you plan it out the weirder it gets.
Howard asked how many threesomes she's had. Tina said it's in the double digits. She said that they have women and men in their threesomes. Howard asked Mark if he would want that. Mark said no way and she has no desire for that. He said he'd go crazy if they did that. Mark said that they have talked about letting the women do their thing.
Howard said he couldn't bear to have his wife with another person. He said he thinks that if he saw his wife writhing in ecstasy he'd be so upset. He said he can't get past that. He said it's a slippery slope.
Tina said she has tried to call in before. She said that her boyfriend will bring in a man once in a while because it's the after effect that you get from it. He said you let the guy play with your wife and it's the claiming of the woman after that works. Howard said that would destroy him. Tina said that it's the after effect you have and that's what's so great about it. She said that can work for weeks after.
Mark said they have talked about the rules and the other woman says that the guy can't finish in her. Howard said this sounds horrible to him.
Howard asked Tina if she wants to lick another woman while the guy's cum is dripping out of her. Tina said that's a little too deep for her. she said that they have rules about no kissing. She said condom is always on. She said that she'd say that his wife should realize that he's going to finish with her and no the other woman. Mark said they talked about that too.
Howard said he doesn't have that kind of control. He said he'd finish in whoever he's in. Howard asked Tina how hot she is. She said she gets hit on everywhere she goes. She said she is attractive. Howard asked who she looks like. Tina said she has gotten Kirstie Alley when she was young. She said people do tell her that she's hot. She said she's not extremely skinny but she has nice boobs and a nice butt. She said she's not as hot as Beth. Howard asked if she has a double chin. Tina said not at all.
Howard asked if Tina is wild in bed. Tina said she knows how to have a good time. Howard said Mark keeps saying their sex lives are great but what does that mean. Mark said that he's satisfied. He said if they could they'd do it every day. He said life gets in the way though. He said the other night they were going at it for an hour. He said they have to get the kids ready in the morning though so they can't stay up all night.
Howard asked if Tina has ever eaten a man's ass before. She said she has but that was years ago. She said that she leaves the asshole to her boyfriend. Howard asked if she accepts anal sex. Tina said she does for her boyfriend. She said she optimizes the threesome so he can get that from the other woman.
Howard said Charlie Sheen has had threesomes and he has some advice. Howard had fake Charlie on the phone to talk about that. Fake Charlie had some suggestions for what to do and how you can go to sixsomes and more. Robin said you're talking to a pro there.
Howard asked Mark who his wife looks like. Mark said his wife is super hot and does yoga every day. He said she's super hot. He said she looks like Vera Farmiga. Howard said he's not sure who that is. He said she's hotter than her though. He said his wife is hot for sure.
Howard asked if they should go to Ronnie for some advice. Ronnie got on and said that he has too much planning going on. He said you just meet the girl and hang out and have some drinks and that's it. He said he did it one time about 5 or 6 years ago. He said they met this girl and they hit it off. He said the girl ended up staying at the house for the weekend. He said he was able to do anything to the girl but fuck her. He said the only girl that he was able to fuck was Stephanie. He said that he wasn't allowed to go down on the girl or anything like that. Mark asked what he did then. Ronnie said that he was allowed to finger her.
Ronnie said you make sure you finish with your girl. He said that's the bottom line. Howard said that Ronnie ended up doing the laundry. Ronnie said that the girl did end up doing her laundry at his house.
Howard asked what he thinks about his idea of jerking off 2 or 3 times that day. Ronnie said he should but there's too much planning going on. He said it's more fun to not know. He said he didn't know what was going to happen with this girl. He said they never left he house that weekend he had that girl over.
Howard asked if they were nude the whole time. Ronnie said it was a lot of bra and panties. He said it was the best weekend of his life actually. Robin said everything was heightened. Ronnie said they were at the kitchen table drinking and playing Monopoly. He said they were in their bra and panties. He said he blew a load at least once or twice a day that weekend.
Howard asked why it just ends. Ronnie said that was just it. He said they never discussed doing it again. He said they saw her after but it never happened again.
Ronnie said this girl moved away after. He said she moved to South Carolina. He said they stayed friends though. Howard asked if she jerked him off. Ronnie said she did. He said no penetration though. He said she was allowed to blow him. Howard said Ronnie did a lot of stuff. Mark said the scheduling thing is driving them crazy. He said he's walking around hard 24/7 thinking about it. Ronnie said that's the problem. He said that will get him in trouble. He said he might be disappointed when it happens.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says that a threesome ruined his marriage and his job. Howard took the call and the caller, Bob, said that he worked with this person and they ended up having a threesome with this woman and it was so great and so amazing that they continued the relationship. He said he kept it going with the other person and it went too far. He said people caught on to it and he ended up losing his job because they weren't allowed to have relationships there. He said that his wife didn't lose her job but he did and his wife was able to stay there. He said he and his wife stayed together but things were bad for a while. He said he made the mistake of finishing in the other girl. He said that it's never what it's cracked up to be. He said you're just left there as a third party.
Howard said he's with Bob and he thinks that they're going to have problems. He said that the girls will do their thing and the guy is left out. Bob said he used desensitizer spray on his to make sure he didn't finish too soon. Ronnie said you're better off with the blue pill. Howard asked if Ronnie used that. Ronnie said no because it wasn't planned. He said it just happened. He said this girl was very hot too. He said she was really tall too. He said she was 5'11'' and over 6 feet when she had heels on. Howard said she could have beaten him up. Ronnie said that's fine with him.
Howard asked if he did the penis thing on her asshole like he does with Stephanie. Ronnie said he didn't do that. He said it was more like her and the other girl were doing their thing. He said he'd get his girl from behind. Howard ask if he had his dick in her ass. Ronnie said he was doing her doggy style. He said his girl was eating out the other girl. Ronnie said the night Mark met that girl was the night he should have been there in the room. Mark said she was on her period though. Ronnie asked who cares. He asked how long ago this was. Mark said they met her like 2 Friday's ago. He said they've been messaging since the middle of august. Howard said now it's September.
Howard asked Ronnie if he would let a girl's period blood affect him. Ronnie said not at all. Robin said that this guy Mark can only be disappointed by reality at this point.
Howard said we put in 10 times less thought into the withdrawal from Afghanistan than Mark has put into this thing. Ronnie said it should have happened that night. Howard said lets say the girl is covered in raw sewage, you still make it happen. Ronnie said you don't worry about it. Howard asked if Tina agrees. Tina said Mark should have done it that first night. She said they don't come that often so you grab that opportunity no mater what. Howard said that Ronnie would do it and come up with clown lips. Tina said her boyfriend doesn't care.
Ronnie said the first time it happened he was like 18 years old. He said they got two hotel rooms and the one girl smelled so bad but it didn't stop them. He said they didn't give a shit. He said he could smell that girl on him for the next week. He said she was very hairy too. Howard said that traps the smell down there.
Howard said that didn't slow Ronnie down. Ronnie said not at all. He said he and his friend were running back and forth between the rooms. He said they'd go back and forth switching off.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie is wrong. He said that he has no idea what he's talking about. He said people who have threesomes don't do it the way Ronnie did it. He said all he did was finger the girl. Howard said he did say that he did get a blow job and a hand job.
Mark asked if he made the other girl cum. Ronnie said he did. Howard thanked Mark and Tina for calling in. Mark said that they're going to be doing it next Friday, not this Friday. Howard asked why it's next Friday. Howard asked why not this week. Mark said that they have to coordinate it all. Ronnie asked what it means that he has the kids this Friday. Mark said they have custody 50/50 so next week they won't have the kids. Howard said he has a really complicated life. Robin said she's tired of waiting at this point. Ronnie said the girl may not even show up at this point.
Howard asked if the girl slept in the same bed with Ronnie. Ronnie said she did. He said his dog had to be locked in the basement because he wanted to stay in the bed.
Howard said Mark should get a calendar with this girl and plan it out. Howard let Mark go after that. He said he hopes that helped. He let Tina go too. Howard said that was Mark who was really planning this thing out.
- RIP Norm Macdonald. 09/15/21. 8:50am
Howard said he was on a walk yesterday with his wife and David Spade let him know that Norm Macdonald had passed away. He said he didn't know Norm personally. He said he never hung with him. He said he did feel a closeness to him since he was on the show so many times.
Howard said Norm used to do this Bob Dole impression on Saturday Night Live and he asked him to do that on his show. He said it was just so funny. He said Norm said it was a big pain in the ass to do it but he would do it for the show. He said Norm would come in as Bob Dole and it was always funny. He said he would come in and tell great stories. He said he was a legend.
Howard said he went to a show that Norm did once. He said he thinks it was Dave Chappelle and Norm but he's not sure if that's right. He said it was many years ago and Norm was so funny on stage. He said he had never seen Norm outside of the studio but this was him on stage and being professional. He said it was weird. He said this club was so small. He said it was almost like there was no back stage. He said stand up can be so weird. He said he thinks that Norm was working on new material. He said that was the only time he really got to hang out with him.
Howard said he didn't know much about Norm off the air. He said he asked David what happened and he told him that Norm had cancer but he didn't share that with people. He said you don't want your whole life being people asking how you're doing. He said you want to forget you have it. He said he wishes he had known because he would have liked to have said goodbye.
Howard said his wife asked if he had anyone in his life at the end. He said he knew he had a son but he didn't know if he had a woman in his life. He said he thinks David wasn't in any condition to talk. He said that he was really upset. He said David was very upset about it. He didn't get to talk to him much. He said he mentioned someone named Laurie. He said he's not sure what that situation was.
Howard said Norm died at the age of 61 and had been battling cancer for 9 years. He said he was thinking about Norm's face being puffy and he thought he didn't look well but he didn't know if he was sick or not. He said Norm was on Saturday Night Live for 5 season. He said that he hosted Weekend Update for 3 years. He said he was so great at it. Howard played a clip of Norm doing his thing on Saturday Night Live.
Howard said that Norm told him his dream was to be on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson before he retired. Howard had a clip from the show where Norm was talking to him about that. He was told he was a ''Jay comic'' and not a ''Johnny comic.'' Norm said he never got to be on the show but he met Johnny in person. He said Jay told him his set was just okay.
Howard said Norm got his gig on Saturday Night Live in 1993 and he did a lot of impressions. He said he got to be friends with Bob Dole and Bob tweeted yesterday that he enjoyed laughing with him and Bob Dole will miss him.
Howard said that he loved Norm doing his Burt Reynolds impression on Saturday Night Live. He said Burt had this tick that he did where he'd clear his throat when he gave a punchline. He said that Norm would do that when they did the Jeopardy bit. He said he had that little nuance that was so great. He played some audio of Norm doing his Burt Reynolds impression. Howard said he was so good.
Howard said Chevy Chase tweeted about Norm and said he's the best of all next to himself. Howard said he asked Seth Meyers about Norm and he said he was the best Weekend Update host ever. Howard said he has to agree. He said he was so great as that guy. Robin said that Norm was able to have patience and that's what Lorne loved about him.
Howard said Norm was fired from Saturday Night Live by Don Ohlmeyer because Norm was mocking OJ Simpson so much on Weekend Update. Howard said he's not sure what really went down there. He played some audio of Norm joking about OJ on Weekend Update.
Howard said Norm did the movie Dirty Work and started his Norm TV show. He said then Saturday Night Live asked him to host the show a year after he was fired. He said he got to host the show and he has the monologue. Howard played the audio of Norm talking about how they fired him because he wasn't funny but now he's been asked to host the show. He said he went from being not funny enough to not even be allowed in the building but now he's so funny that he was asked to host the show. He asked how he got so god damn funny. He said a year and a half isn't enough time to get funny. He said it must be that the show has gotten really bad. He said he's funny compared to what you'll see later. He said the bad news is that he's still not funny but the good news is the show blows.
Howard said David Letterman tweeted about Norm and how great he was. Howard said he thinks that Norm was the last comedian to appear on the Letterman show. He said it was very emotional. Robin said he did read that he was all broken up about it.
Howard said Norm did a David Letterman impression on Saturday Night Live. He said it was weird for him because he loved Dave so much. Howard said he has some audio of Norm doing his Letterman impression on Saturday Night Live. He said you really have to see it. He said Google it to see it. He said it's so bizarre.
Howard said Norm came on the show and he asked about what happened when he did Letterman. He said he told a great story about doing the impression. Howard played the audio of Norm talking about that. Norm said he didn't want to make fun of Letterman so he did an impression but tried not to make fun of him. He said Letterman called him the next day and Dave didn't bring it up. He said that Dave told him he didn't mind it and it was okay. He said that he told him he didn't care for Joe Piscopo's impression of him and didn't think he was funny.
Howard said Dana Carvey loved Norm's impressions. He said Dana did an impression of Norm on the show. He played that clip where Dana was doing his Norm voice. Dana also talked about how funny Norm was doing his characters on Saturday Night Live.
Howard said Adam Sandler tweeted about how much they all loved Norm. He said Sarah Silverman tweeted about Norm too. He read those tweets. Howard said it's fun to Google Norm and see some of his old bits.
Howard said Norm is the guy who brought Artie to the show too. Robin said she remembers that. Howard said Norm thought that he'd be a good fit for the show and he really was. He said that Norm had so many crazy stories. He said he told a story about Dennis Rodman head butting him. He played that clip from the show where Norm talked about how they were supposed to do a fake head butt but Dennis did it for real and knocked him out for like 10 seconds. He had to go to the hospital over that.
Howard said Conan O'Brien tweeted about Norm and how great he thought he was. He said he'll never laugh that hard again. Howard said he has watched this clip of Norm on Conan's show with Courtney Thorne Smith and she had promoted a movie that she did with Carrot Top and Norm went berserk. Howard played a clip of Norm telling them that the name of the movie would be ''Box office poison'' if Carrot Top was in it. Then they revealed the name of it is Chairman of the Board and Norm said that it must be spelled ''B O R E D.''
Howard asked how quick he is. Robin said that Conan said he was so unpredictable that you never knew what he was going to do. Howard said he's pretty quick. He said you're under pressure when you're on TV and he didn't hold back. Howard said one of the best TV appearances he's ever seen was that one.
Howard said he loves that stuff and Norm was one of the best. He said there's no question. He said we really lost a legend yesterday. He said that he thinks he didn't get enough credit. He said that they didn't know what to do with Norm on TV. Robin said he had a couple of chances at his own TV shows but they were always canceled but he was always funny.
Howard read more tweets from people like Jim Carrey and Seth Rogen. They were talking about how great Norm was. Robin said Norm told a really long joke on the show and it went on and on. Howard said it was 8 minutes long. He said they're going to play that on Sternthology today. He said that it's just ridiculous. He said they will play it later in the day.
Howard said that he'll end it on this. He said Norm talked to them about his feelings on death. He said that he always asks about that because he's so freaked out by death. Howard said this is from 2016 when Norm was on. He said he had already been fighting cancer at this point. He said he didn't know it at the time. Howard played the clip and Norm talked about people dying and how it shocks you because you know that it's going to be you some day. Howard asked Norm if he thinks about death a lot. Norm said you do things in life to avoid that thought. He said you don't want to talk about that.
Howard said rest in peace Norm. He said he was shocked by the news. He said what a shitty way to go. Robin said you didn't know it was time to say goodbye.
Howard said the Iron Sheik wrote about Norm. He read his tweet and said that sounds like something he'd say in that broken English.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he remembers the bit that Norm did where he would say ''Note to self...'' and speak into something. He said he does that bit himself when he has to remember something. He said that was a great bit. He said he loved Dirty Work with Artie too. He said that he wanted to thank Howard for taking his call and he'll remember Norm.
Howard said they have a Norm collection on the SiriusXM app too. Howard said Frank Stallone tweeted about Norm. He read that tweet and Frank said he had fun with Norm making fun of him on Weekend Update.
Howard said the only other thing he wanted to talk about is that Norm may have been Elle McPherson's boyfriend for a while. He said that Norm didn't want to talk about it when he was asked. He said what an accomplishment if that's the case. Howard said Rob Burnett tweeted about Norm. He read that tweet where he said he looked forward to Norm when he was a guest on Dave's show.
Howard said there you go. He said rest in peace Norm Macdonald. Robin asked if he knew that he opened for Sam Kinison. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said she saw that in an obituary. Howard said what a killer show that must have been.
- Bang O'clock Song Covered By Donnie Vie. 09/15/21. 9:20am
Howard said he's going to take a quick break and play a phony phone call. He said he has to read some fan feedback and take some calls. He said he may not have time for a game but he has a gam to play with Robin. He said it's Back to School Staff Stories. He said it's going to be great. He said he has a complete rundown of OJ's summer tweets and messages. He said this stuff sickens him. He said OJ is having a great life and it's sickening. He said he's going to take a break and get to some things. He said Donnie Vie of Enuff Z'Nuff went into the studio and did a song about Bang O'clock. He said that he wrote this song before they took off for the summer. He played his version and said it's okay. He said he was trying to do a little bit of country and trying something new. He said he wasn't getting anywhere. He said he loves Donnie's voice. He said this is him singing ''Instant Karma.'' He played some of the song that Enuff Z'Nuff covered. He said he always thought that band was going to be bigger.
Howard said Donnie saw something in the song ''Bang O'clock'' and covered it. He said he played all of the instruments on it. He said that he made the song good and put in a new chorus. Howard played the song and it was a little more rock than Howard's version.
Howard said see, he's a great song writer. He said he'll probably get a Grammy for that. Robin asked when it's going to be released. Howard said that gave him the chills. He said Donnie thinks he's a great song writer. He said Donnie thought it was a catchy song. Howard asked if Robin can see Miley and Metallica covering it. Robin said she can see that. Howard said go to DonnieVie.com to hear more.
Howard said he can't wait to hear Elton John complimenting his song writing. Robin said send it to him and see what he thinks.
- Tan Mom Calls In. 09/15/21. 9:30am
Howard said Tan Mom is on the phone can wants to talk about her husband Driver (Richard). Howard said he's sorry to hear about her husband. Tan Mom said that she's been sad about this whole thing. She said that she did say some things about him on the show but when people say things about you it can take a toll on you. Howard asked if she's starting to appreciate him now. Tan Mom said they had a great life and then he worked on Wall Street and started driving. She said people called him ''Driver'' when he'd drive her to the studio. She said he was a really nice guy and she's dealing with a huge mess now. Howard asked if she regrets dating while he was sick. Tan Mom said that they separated twice and it wasn't really while he was sick. SHE said that once it was stage 4 it was different. She said she never went on a date. She said she was just talking to people. Tan Mom said that things weren't good.
Tan Mom said that he failed two tests about being with porn people. SHE asked what he thinks she felt. Howard said he has no idea what she's talking about. Robin asked what that means. Tan Mom said that there was a test and she wasn't with him sexually for a long time. Howard asked who is going to drive her now. Tan Mom said that shell just have to drive now. She said she's not thrilled about that. Howard said rest in peace to her husband. He said they're very sorry to hear about him passing.
Howard asked when they last had sex. Tan Mom said it was forever ago. She said she does miss him. Howard said that was a beautiful tribute. He said he feels it's too soon to get into the whole story about Tan Mom and Driver. Robin said today isn't the day.
Robin said she's saddest about people who don't recognize who someone is to them while they're alive. She said they don't express to that person what they mean to them an don't discover it until after they're gone. Howard said he's still not sure about the test that he failed twice. He said he's picturing his own funeral and people talking about the tests that he failed in life. He said he may have to have Tan Mom deliver a eulogy.
- New Phony Phone Call. 09/15/21. 9:40am
Howard said he thinks they should play a phony phone call before going to break after that Tan Mom thing. Howard said they have a disabled guy who makes calls and they have him speaking through a computer voice. Howard said they had the disabled guy call into a conservative radio talk show. He said that the guy calls in and says that he is cheating on his wife.
Howard played the call where disabled guy calls into the show and he tells them that he's cheating on his wife and he's not sure if he should tell her about it. Then the wife gets on and she's disabled too and speaks with a computer. She was going off on disabled guy and said she should have left him. They were going back and forth until the boyfriend of the wife gets on and starts in with the two of them. The radio hosts let that go on for a few minutes. They were asking them not to fight. The three computer voices were arguing and then the boyfriend emptied his colostomy bag on disabled guy. Then they were fighting with their wheelchairs. The host said that he has to let them go. The three of them kept going until they finally hung up. The host of the show said that was some debacle there. One of the hosts said that's just an example of another broken family in America.
Howard said that was an epic. He said that was some show they called into. He said it was awesome.
- Calls And Fan Feedback. 09/15/21. 9:45am
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Bang O'clock song was awesome and it's her new favorite song. Howard said he knew there was some lightning there. The caller said he has to do more. Howard said he has to write more songs today. He said he's going to call Donna his new groupie. He said she can come back stage while he performs his song. Donna said that she loves Beth too much to do that. Howard said she can throw her panties up on stage like women did for Tom Jones. He said that had to be bullshit with Tom Jones. He said he knows he's a hot guy but he didn't buy that story for a minute.
Howard read some fan feedback about Jimmy Kimmel being on the show yesterday. He had a bunch of positive feedback about that. He said Jimmy said he would give Wendy the Slow Adult $500 if she got vaccinated. He said that they did a follow up and Wolfie asked Wendy if she would do that. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said that she does love money. She said that they're doing anything to get people to take it. She said she thinks that she'd jump at the chance. Howard played the clip of Wolfie talking to Wendy about it. Wendy said she doesn't know about that because there will be complications. She said her fans don't want her to get it. Wolfie said she's going to listen to her fans then. Wendy said she's sick and she can't get out anywhere until she's better. She said her mom won't take it because you don't know what will happen with it. Wolfie asked if she will get it or not. Wendy said she doesn't know yet. She was coughing the whole time she was talking to Wolfie.
Howard said Wendy also said she can't get the vaccine because she has a reaction to things going up her nose. Robin said it doesn't go up your nose. Howard said she doesn't get that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved the phony phone call. Howard said it was an epic. He said they're thinking of turning that into a movie. He said he got a call from (David) Bryan from Bon Jovi who wants to turn it into a Broadway musical too.
Howard took a call from a woman, Michelle, who said that she wanted to comment on Jimmy's appearance yesterday. She said she loves it when he's on. She said that she lives in Parkland, Florida and Jimmy appeared at her graduation last year. She said they were freshmen during the shooting and lost a lot of friends. She said that they have been very supportive over the past few years for the school. Howard asked if she knew the shooter. The caller said she did not. She said she knew the children who died. She said that there were 19 others who were shot. Howard said he can't imagine sending your kids to school now. He said he'd be worried too much the whole day. He said he has gone by schools when they get out and they have police around them now. He said it's such a crazy thing.
Howard said the fans got a kick out of Craig Gass' impression of Tom Arnold yesterday. He read some of the positive words people had for that.
Howard said the fans were liking his interpretation of the Princess Diana musical. He read some feedback about that and people want that to be a real thing. He said that it's meant to be. He said that was fun. He said they can end the show if they want to. He said he has so much but they can save it for next week. Robin said there's always next week.
Howard said he does have a lot going on but he's going to be smart about it and wait. He said he'll tickle all of your asses with a feather and save it. He said he has important things to do today. He said he has to nap. He said yesterday he had a very long nap and Beth called the mortician thinking he had passed.
- TV Discussions. 09/15/21. 9:55am
Howard said he hopes Norm Macdonald had some people around him when he died. Robin said she hopes he was happy. Howard said Robin always tops him. Howard said he hopes Norm had all of that and more. Robin said that Howard tops her all the time. She said she never wins. Howard said he wins again.
Howard said that Parkland shooting was a horrible one. He said he can't remember the whole story there. Robin said that someone got into the school and the security guard wasn't able to stop him so they had it wait for the police. Howard said lets end the show on that note.
Howard asked Robin what she'll be watching on TV. Robin said she wants to see Steve Martin's show but the new episode isn't up yet. Howard said he likes it when they put all episodes out at once.
Howard said he found the show Manifest on Netflix. He said it's about a plane that disappears for 5 yeas but the people come back like nothing happened. He said he saw it has 3 seasons so he figured he could get into it. He said he's already up to season 2 and he knows the show is going nowhere. He said they're yanking his chain. Robin said it's going nowhere. Howard said Beth came in and saw a make out scene and she wondered why he's watching it without her. Howard said he can't stop watching the show. Robin said she tried watching it but she saw it was going nowhere so she stopped. Howard said he just knows there's no ending there. He said it's all bullshit. He said it has to be the same people who brought them ''Lost.''
Howard said one guy died and came back and it just made no sense. He said that he should write an ending for the show. Gary said there's a fourth season coming. He said Netflix said they will have another season. Howard said his whole life is tied up with that show. Robin said she had no idea there were three seasons. She said she was watching it on TV. Howard said he has to go lay down and watch Manifest. He said he tried watching the MTV awards but it's so depressing that he couldn't do it.
Howard said Foo Fighters were good and so was Ed Sheeran. He said that Shawn Mendez had an odd outfit on. He said he was wearing something his mom would wear.
Howard said it's weird that MTV has nothing to do with music anymore and they have these music awards. He said they only had 900,000 live viewers. He said they might get a hit from the publicity it creates.
Howard said next week they're going to have Coldplay in on Wednesday. He said Gary will have his Karens stuff and he'll get to a lot more. He said he has things he won't even mention yet. He said they're going to play the Back to School Staff Stories game. Howard said Gavin Newsom is still governor out in California. He said Caitlyn Jenner got 55,000 votes in that recall election. Robin wondered what it is that people saw in her to vote for her. Howard went into a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:10am.