Howard started the show talking about how he's shot out of a cannon this morning. He said he's going to start the show by having some intelligent conversation with Kenny from Pennsylvania. Howard took his call and said that he knows his listeners are intelligent. He said he has opening statements to make but he's trying to mix it up and keep it real.
Kenny asked if this period of American history match what he went through in the 1960s with the racial turmoil. Howard said that's a good question. Howard explained to Robin what he was talking about and said he's comparing it to what's going on now to what was going on back in the 60s. Kenny said Howard had it in the ballpark.
Howard said the answer in his lifetime this doesn't even come close. Howard said that Joni Mitchell wrote ''Woodstock'' and she wasn't even there. He said she was so distraught that she wasn't here. He said she was trying to build her career and she was offered a shot on the Dick Cavett show. He said she was invited to do that and she was afraid she would miss that broadcast. He said her management told her not to go to Woodstock. He said that they thought she would miss that TV appearance. He said Woodstock was such a game changer that she was ill and distraught over missing it. He said she was beside herself. He said Crosby Stills and Nash made it there and to the Dick Cavett show. He said they helicoptered in and out.
Howard said Joni went into a funk and saw what was going on and wrote that song ''Woodstock'' in a matter of hours. He said it was almost a funeral dirge when she wrote it. He said Joni said she's glad she missed it because she would have seen all of the in fighting and back stage shenanigans. He said that she would have thought that Rock stars were assholes. She said instead it was an ode to people who were going through a huge rebellion.
Howard said back then the Vietnam war was going on and hippies and rebels were meeting to get the truth from the rock stars who were telling them the truth about what was going on. He said this was the most important gathering and Joni ended up writing this song about the whole thing that she missed. Fred had Joni's version of the song playing. Howard let it play without talking over it for a short time.
Howard said that Joni has even said that she wouldn't have mentioned going back to the garden if she had been there. He said there was a lot going on back stage and she wouldn't have had that same feeling if she was there.
Howard said there is no comparison to what was going on back then to what's going on now. He said there would have been a revolution if that war hadn't been ended. Howard said today is bad. He said people who are for Trump are dug in and the people against Trump have concern that the country is falling apart. He said there is nothing like that divide over the Vietnam war though. He said people were dying and they were watching it on the news.
Howard said that Ratso Sloman sent him a song he wrote in protest. He said he wrote a protest song and he listened to it. He said he wrote him back and asked if there's anything he can't do. He said that he wrote a beautiful song. He said there are people writing protest songs out there. Robin said maybe in 50 years we'll be playing that song.
Howard said the 60s and 70s are nothing like today. He said it was much worse back then. Howard said the songs that came out of that time are amazing. He said Jimi Hendrix never made it to the Dick Cavett show. He said that Crosby Stills and Nash did it to cover for Jimi. He said that show is amazing. He said it was pretty nuts.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked what his thoughts are on James Gunn being fired. Howard said he thinks it's an over reaction. He said Twitter has ruined more careers. He said he doesn't know a lot about the story because he had a busy weekend himself. He said that he thinks the guy wrote some tweets that were supposed to be funny and today things are under such scrutiny. He said the guy was trying to be funny and they were jokes that didn't go over very well with Disney. Balls said that his sense of humor is raunchy so it's funny that Disney didn't know that.
Howard said it's almost the same thing with Roseanne. He said she had tweeted out some similar things and ABC knew what they were getting when they hired her. He said then they're surprised by what she says.
Howard said James Gunn put those things out 10 years ago. Howard said he's said things in the past that make him cringe. He said this guy does Guardians of the Galaxy and he may have gotten caught up in the fear and paranoia of our times. Robin said people are reacting very quickly now. Howard said he thinks people are tried and convicted in minutes now. He said he doesn't know James Gunn but he did like the first Guardians of the Galaxy. He said the second one is tough to get through. Robin said she hated the second one. Howard said he loved the first one.
Howard said the world would be a better place without Twitter. He said people have to think about things 500 times before they tweet.
Howard said he thinks that James Gunn deserves a second chance. He said good for the guy having hit movies and making a lot of money for the studios. Robin said he even says that it was a different time in his life and you think that it's a space where you don't think things will get better.
Howard said you grow as a person and firing someone for something they wrote 10 years ago on Twitter is weird. He said he's with James Gunn whenever he is.
Balls asked if he thinks that it will affect the third film. Howard said he doesn't know. He said the funny thing is that Walt Disney was a Nazi sympathizer. He said they gave him a second chance. Robin said back then you didn't know how people thought. She said you just did business with them.
Howard played the clip and said she's doing this with her son. In the clip the son is telling her how to do this thing and she's yelling about what her whole thing was going to be about. She said she thought the bitch was white. Howard said he likes the guy laughing at her. He said that might be her son.
Howard said in the official statement she sounds much different. Howard played the clip of Roseanne's official statement and she was much more calm. She said that she thought that woman Valerie Jarrett was white and she told ABC that and said she was wiling to tell everyone that. She said she got fired and she thinks that the reason was because she voted for Trump.
Howard said that's not a good statement to make. He said that's just not the right thing to say. Howard said if he was her he'd have a black baby and he'd be nursing it on the tape. He said that would have won America over.
Howard said that the best apology he ever heard was this one. He played Sal Governale's apology for saying racist things on the Wrap Up Show. Howard let that play through and laughed at the things Sal was saying.
Howard said that is the most confusing apology ever written. Robin said it wasn't even an apology. She said he's vindicating himself in that. Howard said he tried himself and found himself innocent.
Howard took a call from the fake Roseanne who said that she thought Valerie Jarrett was white. Howard went over that with fake Roseanne for a short time.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who brought up the New Yorker magazine article about Beth. Howard said that there is a nice article about her in that magazine. He said you can tell the woman follows Beth on Instagram. Robin said she just fell in love with it. Howard said he read it and he thought it was great. He said that he's echoing so he has to hang up on Mariann. Howard said Beth wasn't interviewed for the article but it was a great thing. He said this woman is a fan of what Beth is doing. He said Beth wasn't looking for attention and her intentions were pure from the beginning. He said that she's trying to promote people being more sensitive to animals and it's working. He said this woman gets it. He said he was quite moved by the article. He said Beth was very honored by it.
Howard said he tweeted that article out. He said he doesn't tweet much though. Robin said she sent it out to a bunch of her cat loving friends.
Howard said you don't have to listen to this channel. He said on 102 Andy Cohen has all kinds of things going on. He said he bets that they have someone over there to listen to. He said they have 150 million channels there.
Howard said they have Human Newman there. He said he saw a picture of him and he has a long grey beard with rubber bands around it. He said that Lou Albano used to do that. He said he's like Human Newman Albano. He said he listens to 90s on 9 and Lithium. Robin said she listens to the Beatles channel. Howard said he'd tune right out if he didn't like this show. Howard said people there think he's a conservative nut and this guy thinks he's a limousine liberal. He said it doesn't make sense.
Howard said he was listening to Lithium and they played a Soundgarden song and he's still having trouble dealing with Chris Cornell killing himself. Fred played the song he was talking about and Howard continued to talk about how much trouble he's having wrapping his head around that whole thing. Howard said the guy had so much talent and he killed himself. He said he can't wrap his head around it. Howard said this song was ''The Day I Tried To Live.'' He said maybe he had thoughts of suicide back then. Robin said she's sure he did.
Howard said he's going to get a psychic in there in the fall and try to contact Chris. He said maybe he'll get that Long Island Medium in there. Howard told Gary to get him one of those scam... He means one of those psychics. Gary said the psychic Tyler Henry wants to come on the show. Gary said he claims he might be able to contact Eric the Actor. Robin said that if he has the ability he must be able to get in contact with anyone. Gary read a note about what the guy's agent suggested he can do on the show.
Howard asked how old that kid is. Gary said he'll check. Howard said he looks like the kid in Home Alone. Howard said he'd have a hard time not throwing up if he came in. Gary said he's 22. Howard asked if he fleeces or tells people he can contact the dead for regular people. Gary said he claimed to talk to Alan Thicke about a heart problem. Howard said he's not sure how anyone takes that stuff seriously. He said they look like idiots when they believe the guy.
Howard said there is nothing more boring than getting a reading on the air. He said he had a woman on the show back in the 80s. He said this woman would come in and her shtick was that whenever she came in a feather would appear. He said she'd come in the studio and then a feather would magically appear. He said it was far away from her. Robin said that was Char. Howard said that's right. He said he thought it was Cher but then Char walked in. Howard said he'd plunk down the phones and Char would do her shtick. He said she was good at it. He said she did the Regis and Kathie Lee show too and she had that whole thing going on there. Howard said he never was very good at it. He said he'd ask obvious things like ''I see you have a mother and a father...'' and they'd call him out on that.
Howard said he really does want to talk to Chris Cornell. He said maybe he'll have them all in there. Robin said some of them tell you your future. She said that their spirit sources know the future somehow. Howard said that doesn't make sense.
Howard said he was watching a show about the Hubble telescope and how it looks into other galaxies. He said it's up there taking pictures of this shit. He said they go up and improve it from time to time. Howard said there is not one other populated planet out there. He said he is right about being alone in the galaxy. Robin said they haven't seen everything yet.
Robin mentioned a new Predator movie that's coming out soon. Howard said he saw that and there's a new JJ Abrams movie coming out. He said it's Nazis and Zombies. Howard said that takes place in World War II. Robin said there was a movie about that already. Howard said he doesn't think so. Howard said the name of the movie is Overlord. Jason said it looks like the Nazis were experimenting with Zombies. Howard said they may have been trying to make super soldiers. Howard said then we had to fight them. Robin said it might be too soon to be doing that with Zombies.
Robin said she doesn't want to see anything with Nazis in it. Robin said she wants to see us kicking Nazi asses. Robin said she hates all of this mashing up of stuff.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks the amount of political talk he does on the show is just right. Howard asked if she is a woman or a dude. She said she is a woman who has a deep voice. Howard asked if people ever think she's a sir. She said all the time. She said she has 38-D boobs. She said her clit is kind of small after Howard asked her about that. Howard asked if she menstruates. She said she is almost done with that. She said she's 49. Howard said maybe that's it. The caller said she's always had a deep voice. Howard asked if she has chin hair. The caller, Christine, said she does not. Howard asked if she is attractive. Christine said she was hot when she was younger. She said she was a bartender. She said she also smoked.
Howard asked how much she benches. She said 480 pounds. She said she doesn't bench actually. She said she Nordictracks. Howard said she really is a woman. Howard said she sounds so much like a dude.
Christine said she has been able to fool people on the phone. She said she made prank calls and stuff as a man. Howard said that it would be so great if she did that voice in a bar and told guys she was a dude. Christine was laughing at all of that. Howard asked if she has a husband. She said that she did but she got divorced. Howard asked if she ever tried a girl voice with her husband. She said there are guys who are attracted to her because of her voice.
Howard asked if she can sound more like a girl. Christine said she has never tried that. She said she's not sure how to do that. Howard asked her to talk like a girl and gave her some lines to say. She tried it and Howard just laughed.
Howard said she sounds like a dude. Howard asked her to say ''Lets go pound some beers, bro!'' she did that in her masculine voice. Howard let her go a short time later. He said he would have bet the farm that was a dude.
Howard took a call from Chris Wilding in the back office who was doing a male/female voice thing like Christine.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his dad took his life last year. He said he was talking about Chris Cornell and that brings back memories. He said that you just never know what people's mindsets are. Howard said no you don't. The caller said you should just reach out if you need help. Howard asked if he's a woman. the caller joked that he actually is. Howard said suicide is shocking. He said he can't imagine what it would be like to have your father kill himself. The caller, Will, said it was crazy. Howard asked if he worries that he has it in him. Will said he thinks everyone does. Howard asked why he thinks his father did it. Will said his mom struggles with depression. Howard asked if she drove him to it. Will said he thinks that the stress of a lot of life's issues led to it. He said it was financial. Howard said his mom was always threatening to kill herself when he was in high school. He said that she'd moan and he knew what she was going to do.
Howard said his mom's sister had died and she had a lot to be depressed about. He said she'd turn red and she'd have tears. Howard said she'd claim she was going to go upstairs and kill herself. He said after the 150th time he was like ''go do it or don't.'' Robin said how sympathetic. Howard said he was a kid. He said that he'd tell her to get some help and she'd ask who needs a psychiatrist. Howard said shit or get off the pot there. He said he was just weirded out by the whole thing. He said it was just shtick.
Howard said this guy on the phone had a dad who really did it. Robin said that it's an indicator that they're not very happy if they say they want to do it. Will said his father never gave any indication he was going to do it.
Howard said he would go home to this after going to school where no one noticed him. Howard said he's sorry about Will's dad. Will thanked him for that. Howard let him go and played more of Soundgarden's ''The Day I Tried to Live.'' Howard said he can't reach the controls because he's slumped over in his chair.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a first time caller. Howard said they need more of those because people complain about Bobo. Howard said he could go to Bobo right now but he has this guy on the line. Gary said Bobo might have something interesting to talk about. He said he wrote a letter to Trump and got a form letter back. He said he thinks his letter must have meant something. Howard said they respond to everyone. He said Bobo is a moron. He said Trump isn't reading his letters. He said he heard Trump doesn't even read the bills he signs.
Howard asked the caller what he wanted to talk about. the caller said that his dad committed suicide the day after he got married. Howard said there's always a message in a suicide. He said his parents had friends who had a son kill himself in front of them. He said that's the angry message. Robin said she use to tell her mother how she was going to do it. She said she was going to hang herself at the front door so it was the first thing she'd see. Howard said this guy Bill gets married and his father kills himself the next day. He said that's fucked up. Bill said he got the call in Florida. Howard asked how the honeymoon was. Bill said it wasn't so great. He said they went back home and had to drive 10 hours. Howard asked if he can fuck or does he have to take a hiatus. Bill said he doesn't fuck that dumb bitch anymore. He said he thinks his dad just drank too much and put a rifle under his chin.
Howard asked if his dad made a speech at the wedding. Bill said he didn't and he hated the bitch he was marrying. He said he drank a lot too. Howard let the guy go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's another first time caller. He said he'd rather listen to Mariann scream for 3 hours than listen to Bobo for 1 minute. Howard played a bit they created about how you can keep Bobo off the air by calling in yourself. They went to break after that.
Howard said when he was in Detroit he put out a body builder picture of himself. He said that became a thing after he did that.
Robin asked if he has seen The Five without Kimberly Guilfoyle. Howard said he has not. He said the show he watches now at 4 o'clock is someone else. He said he had breakfast around 7am yesterday. He said he has the same thing every morning. He said he has sugar free yogurt, plain. He has blueberries and some granola. He said that's with a cup of coffee. Robin asked if that fills him. Howard said he starts looking at the clock around 9. He said he's looking for his lunch already. He said he waits until 10 and then has a bagel. He said around 9:45 he got the bagel in the toaster. He said he puts peanut butter on the bagel and there's nothing better than crunchy peanut butter. He said then he takes two teaspoons of peanut butter to eat by itself. He said he doesn't put the spoon back into the jar. He said he spoons it out. He said that's his lunch. He said then it's 10 and he has to wait for dinner. He said yesterday he ate at 3. He said then he wakes up in the middle of the night hungry. Robin said of course he does. Howard said he was up all night.
Howard said he's watching Nicole Wallace instead of The Five now. Howard said she seems to be correcting herself from saying ''sort of'' to much. Howard said he likes her.
Robin said that Kimberly Guilfoyle has left FOX News. Robin said she is joining her boyfriend Donald Trump Jr. on the campaign trail. Howard said it's hard to be in a relationship with Jr. when you're working at FOX News. He said she was probably thinking she has to go everywhere with him.
Howard said it was probably weird for FOX News because she's on the air advocating for Trump and it got confusing so she's going to hang out with him. Robin said she doesn't think that FOX is concerned about that stuff at all.
Howard said he has to pick up on Bobo. He said he gets so many calls about not picking up on him. He said he got so much feedback about him claiming he gets bothered at Disney. Howard said he was wearing one of those Chinese caps at Disney and Bobo thinks people are going to leave him alone in that.
Howard said Gary goes out and 3 people bother him. He said there's no way anyone is bothering Bobo. Howard read some of the email they got about Bobo and his disguise at Disney. Howard had Bobo on the phone while he read through that stuff. Howard said people were asking him to keep him off the air. He said they think that it's fake news that people are going to recognize him.
Howard said Bobo says he can die happy now. He said he thinks that Trump read his letter that he wrote to him because he got a form letter back from the White House. Boob said he knows that it wasn't him who signed this letter. Gary said that he thinks it looks authentic. Gary said he's going to hang that letter on his wall like his awards. Howard asked what Bobo thinks he did with his letter. Bobo said that people haven't done what he's done. Gary asked what that has to do with this letter. Bobo said that he sat down and wrote this letter and got a response back. Howard said the President didn't read it. Bobo said he knows that. He said they have people for that. Gary said Wendy could get the same form letter back if she wrote that she loves Trump.
Bobo said he had to look twice to see if it was signed by Trump. Howard asked how he says his last name. Bobo said he says they call him Bowie but it's pronounced ''Bow.'' It's spelled Bowe. Howard and Fred goofed on Bobo for sniffing after that answer.
Howard read the letter that Bobo got back from the White House. Howard said it's just a form letter. Bobo said he knows that. Howard said imagine that someone is getting paid to read Bobo's letter and sending out a form letter. He said we could save money if they got rid of that position.
Howard said it's a signature generated by an electronic pen. Gary said he's been getting an email for this thing where you can print out Trump saying anything with his signature in it. Howard said Bobo should get that.
Howard said Bobo might get another letter since he sent two. Bobo said this was probably for the March letter. He said that he sent another one in July. He said his mother would write to Eisenhower and she got a real letter back from him. Howard said like mother like son. Robin said his mother drew a picture.
Gary said that Bobo was forced to take a 3 week vacation from the show by his wife. Gary said Bobo didn't feel so good about that but it was out of his hands. Bobo said they were on vacation so he took a vacation. He sniffed. Howard and Fred goofed on that.
Howard said they weren't off for 3 weeks. Gary asked if it was his wife's idea. Bobo said it was. He said he had to spend time with his family. Howard said that this is wild. He said that Bobo thinks he got a letter from Trump and he thinks he's better than the other callers to the show because of that.
Howard played a clip of Bobo talking about the fans coming up to him at Disney and how he had to tell them that it wasn't a hang out session so he couldn't spend time with them. Bobo said now he wears a disguise when he goes to Disney. Shuli asked how long it took for them to come up to him there. Bobo claims that about half a dozen people came up to him after he tweeted something out about being there. Howard asked why he would do that. Bobo said that was his fuck up.
Howard asked if his wife respects him at all. Bobo said she does. He said that she lets him have a shrine in his house. Howard asked what his love making is like. He asked if she initiates or does he. Bobo said he's usually the one. Howard asked what his signal is. Bobo said that it's usually on school days. He said she'll take a shower and then the kid leaves for school. He said they can't do it until after the show and the Wrap Up Show are over. Gary said he's kind of honored by that. Howard asked how many times a week it happens. Bobo said sometimes it's a couple of weeks. He said he's married a long time. He sniffed.
Gary said his first marriage ended because of his love of Howard. Gary said he heard she flushed half of his shrine down the toilet. Bobo said she did. Howard said you'd think that he'd find a woman who is totally into the show. Bobo said she is a fan of the show but not like he is. Robin said no one is like Bobo.
Howard said his wife is on the phone and wants to yell at him. He had fake Mrs. Bowe on the line talking like Bobo with the weird speech impediment. She said Bobo isn't saying anything to her. Bobo just said ''Oh my god.'' Mrs. Bowe was sniffing like Bobo too. She told Bobo to go do a Chris Cornell. Howard kept Mrs. Bowe on the line for a couple of minutes. Bobo wasn't responding much. She kept sniffing. Bobo asked her to get off the line. Howard said she's pissed. She kept sniffing like Bobo. Howard let her go a short time later.
Gary came in with a picture of Bobo in a Sirius cap and a Sirius shirt. Bobo said ''Promote, promote, promote.'' Robin said you don't tell people not to bother you after tweeting where you are. Howard said he has a Howard Stern Birthday show cap. Bobo said that they handed them out at the birthday show. Howard said Bobo doesn't get how people bother him and he's wearing a Sirius shirt. Gary said he has a Sirius shirt and he had his name embroidered on it. Bobo said he did that for the days when he was on the Roundtable. Howard said he has to get out of this. He said of course people are going to bother him at these places if he's dressed like that. Howard played Bobo off with a song parody. They went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has a problem with her 20 year old son. She said that he's in college and he wants to drop out and become a professional gamer. Howard laughed. The caller said he thinks he will be very rich at this. She said she's not sure what to think. Howard said he doesn't know. The caller said she burst into tears when she heard the news. Howard said some of those guys do make money.
Howard said when he told his parents he wanted to be on radio his uncles and aunts were in mourning for them. He said that they thought he was going to be terrible. Howard said his own father didn't believe in him. He said it was depressing. He said his mother did say ''Why not you'' when she talked to him about it.
Howard said some of these kids go into games and they do make money. He said the odds are that the kid is a loser and she'll have to support him his whole life. Howard said what you have to say is just go be a gamer but you're not going to support him. He said tell him that you'll never give him money. Howard said he did have to ask for help from his dad for money for gas. Gary asked if he would have supported him if he had left college halfway though. Howard said probably not.
Jason said there are scholarships for e-gaming. He said if he's super good he might be able to go to college for free. The caller said that he was in school for an assistant physical therapist. She said they make really good money. Howard asked if this is Asshole University. the caller laughed.
Howard said he's the last person to kill someone's dream but she has to put her foot down. Howard said no one ever said he should be on the radio though. He said maybe the kid will do fine.
Howard said chances are that the kid is a complete douche. Robin asked if he has a girlfriend and friends. The caller said most of his friends are online but he does date. Howard said just don't give him money for this. The caller said ''right.'' She said he has a job so he should be fine. Howard asked what game he plays. She said he plays all of the sports games. She said she's never gotten into it that much.
Howard asked what his expertise is. Howard said maybe JD can play the kid and they can see what he does. JD asked if he has Twitch or anything. She said he has YouTube videos with not many followers. Sal said he's on his way.
Howard said maybe JD can play this guy. JD said he doesn't have a headset. Jason said they have played and he has talked to him. JD said they haven't. Howard asked Jason if he plays Madden. Jason said he's not very good at it. He said this guy would kick his ass.
Howard said he sees that you have to have 2500 followers to monetize in E-games. He had everyone cracking up with the look on his face. Howard said he knows how this poor woman must feel about this. Howard said Shuli should play this guy in a game. Robin said he has his own channel.
Shuli said he beat the shit out of JD in soccer. Howard said if Shuli beats this kid he's completely wasting his time. Shuli said that there are guys who go on with 40,000 people watching them live. He said it's worth a shot. He said he'll beat the shit out of this kid and give him a reality check.
Benjy asked if they make money based on how many followers they have. Shuli said they do. He said that's how they make their money. Howard said he can tell when someone doesn't know how to play chess after 3 moves.
Jason asked if 20 is too old to get started. Shuli said it is. He said there are kids who have been playing since 12. Howard said he has a guy on the line who says his son gave up a scholarship to be a gamer. Howard took the call and the guy said he's been wrestling since he was 6 years old and now he's dropping out because he just wants to play these games. Howard asked where he's at with this. The caller said that it drives them crazy. He said he has to make his own decisions though. He said they see other kids making money and they think they can do it too.
Howard said if he was a good wrestler he'd go into MMA fighting or something. The caller said that his son was winning everything in wrestling. He said his son is driving him crazy with this stuff. The caller, John, said that he has to support his son and let him make his own mistakes. Howard asked if he's supporting him financially. John said he's going to until he screws up.
Howard said he can picture his father doing that for him. Shuli said that these guys are on for 8-9 hours straight playing. Howard said it's a nightmare for these two. Robin said she wants to know how it works out. Howard said the odds of climbing to the top are so low. Shuli said that the kids have time to play all day long and get really good. He said he gets his ass kicked by 13 year olds in Iowa.
Howard let John and Carrie go after that. He said peace and love to them as he let them go. Shuli said he had 4 people watching him on Twitch the other night. He said he has his own channel there. Shuli said they have this IRL thing which is ''In real life'' and people just walk around taking video of their lives. He said you can make money doing that. Howard asked how you can make money doing that. Shuli said he has no idea. He said he's not able to do it. He said he talks to people while he's on there playing games.
Howard said Shuli has a place where he works and he has a name for himself and he's not making money. Howard asked why you'd create a game channel where you're not good at games. Shuli said he's actually good at some of these games.
Jason said that you have to beg for money on those services to make money. Sal said of course you're going to have to beg to make money if you're just playing games.
Howard said he told his wife he might want to go since it's not at a strip club. He said he's not going to screw up his marriage over a strip club. He said he knows Ronnie is pissed off that people are going to dinner but not the strip club. He said that he was thinking about going. He said this is a two part affair. He said they have a whole weekend planned that weekend so he can't go to the party anyway.
Howard said it's on a Saturday night. Gary said it was like 11 days notice too. Howard asked who does that. He said he thinks Jon Hein did it. Jason said that Jon was trying to do it for a long time abut JD was the hold up. Benjy asked if there are people who wasn't invited. JD said pretty much everyone was invited. Howard said you can't do it on a Saturday night in the middle of summer with 11 days notice. JD said he doesn't know this stuff.
Howard said he's glad. He said he would go have dinner with JD. Jason said not this dinner. He said it costs $50 and no alcohol is included. Howard said it's JD's dream menu. They had things like mozzarella sticks and chicken parm on the menu. Howard said he's not sure what he'd even eat there. JD said they could fix that. Howard said there's no reason to since he's not going.
Howard asked Jon Hein why he's doing this. Jon said he wanted to do it for JD and JD thought it would be okay. Jon said that Ronnie finds it odd that the guys aren't going to the strip club. Howard said the dinner is where you honor JD. Jon said he wanted to find a place that wasn't too expensive. He said they just wanted to hang. He said he didn't include the drinks because the drinks are included at the strip club. He said it's $50 for the dinner and $100 for the strip club.
Ronnie said at the strip club you get drinks and it's pretty much unlimited. He said you get drinks and lap dances. He said you get a couple for free. He said you can stay there as long as you want. Ronnie said Rick's Cabaret is doing that for them. Howard said that's all of his connections. Ronnie said he never said that.
Ronnie said that they were going to go to a steak house but everyone didn't want to spend $300 for a dinner. Jon said that was his original plan. He said he asked JD for a list and it took a while for him to put that together.
Howard asked why there was so much ogida. JD said he wasn't sure if he had to limit the numbers. He didn't bother asking about that. He said he just doesn't know. Howard asked what the problem was. JD said he just wasn't sure if he had to have a certain amount. JD said he's an idiot and doesn't know how to deal with that. Jon said this is why there was a problem. Ronnie said they wanted the list in June and send it out. Howard said they cold have just sent it out to everyone there.
Howard went over the list of people who were going and not going. Howard asked if Benjy is going. Benjy said he's going to dinner. He said he's not invited to the strip club. Ronnie said he is. Benjy said he's just kidding. Howard asked what he's saying. Benjy said he wasn't sure if it was okay to just go to dinner.
Howard said that Benjy once took a dump at a strip club they went to and he messed up the whole area. Gary said they were in a very small room and it was getting so hot in the room that it was hard to believe. He said that Benjy was actually sitting in front of the air conditioning vent with his body. Howard said that can't be possible. Gary said it happened.
Howard took a call from the back office where they had a woman doing the voice of a stripper who was going to be at the strip club. Howard spent a few minutes talking to her about what she's going to do for JD at the club.
Howard found out that Jon isn't going to the strip club. Jon said he's not going because of similar reasons that Howard isn't going. He said it's not worth it. Jon said that at Jason and Will's bachelor party they had like 8 girls coming over to him because of the way he is. Howard said he gets where Jon is coming from. Ronnie said he could come and just have a drink or something. Jon said he's donating the money so he can be involved.
Howard said he saw a link to give a gift to JD in the e-vite. He isn't going to do that. Jason said he heard that JD's brother isn't coming to the bachelor party. JD said they can't afford to come out. He said he will see him at the wedding so that's fine.
Howard said the bachelor party is happening with cheese sticks and parm. He said he was annoyed that this thing isn't planned properly. He said that he's blaming JD for that. JD said he'll take the blame. Jason said that JD's fiancee is having 2 Bachelorette parties. JD said she has a lot of friends.
Ronnie asked why Benjy isn't going to the strip club. Benjy said he has a class he has to get to the next day so he wants to get to sleep. He said he has an improv class he's been doing and he has a performance.
Howard asked if his face is all cut up from shaving. Benjy said probably. He said that's a manly thing. Howard said he should be able to shave. Benjy had blood on his shirt from shaving. Howard said learn how to shave without bleeding all over your shirt.
Howard said he could take a break or do a little something. He said he'll do this tomorrow or something. He said they'll empty out the computer. He said Benjy will talk about the AVN awards. He said they had him in there to talk about it another time and they never got to it. Benjy said it was like from 2008. He told the story about the fingering where he pulled out the plastic bag. Howard asked if was with her that night. Benjy said not sexually.
Howard said Chris Wilding is going to talk about the gay porn awards. He asked Chris how he's doing because he heard that he blew a guy and got a throat infection. Chris said he's fine and that had nothing to do with blowing that guy. Howard said he's still talking differently. Chris said it's not from sucking cock. He said he's fine. Howard asked what this new talking thing is about. Chris said he's fine. Howard said he's not fine. Chris said he has a little bit of phlegm. Gary said welcome to the club.
Chris said that he had a swollen lymph node and he had medication for that. He said that it had nothing to do with the blow job. He said he was up in Canada and he got a cold. He said he had a bacterial infection that was really bad. Robin said that it sounds like he's doing a lot of partying and staying out late. Howard asked if he's doing poppers. Chris said he is not. He said he's taking it easy and just having bed rest and watching Netflix.
Howard asked how he's going to adjust his lifestyle. Chris said he's going to get to know people better and suss them out before he blows them.
Howard played some audio of Chris speaking while he had this throat problem. Chris said that if this was from sucking cock then he'd never do it again.
Sal asked Chris a question about saying he wanted to see paperwork from these guys. Howard said he wants the guy to be tested before he does anything sexually.
Howard said tomorrow they'll have Benjy in to do this thing and Chris to do his. He said Gary and Will have things to talk about as well. He said Jason will do a thing and JD will do his favorite clips too. Howard said Sal will do his favorite Gary clips. Gary had a thing he wanted to do about Gary going to this food festival. Gary explained a little bit of what it was about and Howard said he's going to that now. He said he has to hear it.
Howard played a clip of Gary at the Bottle Rock Festival out in California. Howard said he was there to see a large tuna fish get chopped up. Gary said that 2000 people showed up to that.
Howard said that Gary crow barred a cocaine joke into his speech since Barry Bonds was there. Howard played the clip and they introduced Gary. Gary went up and did his thing and Howard said that he's some entertainer. He said it's like Coachella for assholes.
Sal gave Gary some advice for doing things like this and told him to make people more interested in what they do on the show. He said they know Gary and he should do something. Gary said that Sal is trying to get people to buy his toaster oven show and that's embarrassing. Sal said he has to do something to get the fans curios about the show. Benjy mentioned something about Sal doing commentary for a porno. Sal said he was paid to do that. Howard said he shouldn't be giving Gary advice.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she heard about the lymph node thing and she and her husband just finished 6 months of cancer treatment. She said the lymph node thing was from the HPV virus and it took 3 months to get a proper diagnosis. Chris said maybe he got cancer from sucking cock. Howard said imagine if that happened. Chris said maybe he'll die then. The caller said her husband didn't get it from sucking cock. She said that she had a funny pap smear the year that he got cancer. She said that it can be from the HPV. Howard said he ate her out and he got the HPV. the caller said that he could have had it for 20-some years so he may have given it to her. Howard said then Chris Wilding blew him... The caller said it can lay dormant for 20 plus years and then come out again. She told Chris to get a better biopsy. Chris thanked her for enlightening him.
Benjy asked if they tested his throat for HPV. Howard asked if he's a fucking doctor. Jason said there is no HPV test for men currently. Howard said Chris is all bummed out over there. Chris said now it's just something else to worry about. He said he doesn't even want to know about it. He said everyone is doing it and now he's dying of cancer.
Howard said he has warned the guys too. He said it doesn't make a difference. Chris said Memet doesn't even believe that STDs exist. Howard said there's bad vagine and bad dick out there. Robin said dick is more dangerous than vagine to women. Chris asked where they all got their medical degrees from all of a sudden. Chris said he's done. Sal said it sure sounds like he is.
Howard said Sal has more here. He said that Sal has stuff on Gary. Sal said Gary went on the Wrap Up Show and said he dreams about napping. Gary said they were talking about what they would do in retirement. Gary said he said he dreams about doing it in retirement. Sal said the last person who should be thinking about napping is someone who got caught sleeping at work. Howard played the clip and told Gary he really shouldn't be talking about that. Gary said he loves when Sal gets on his high horse. Sal said it's like Harvey Weinstein telling a judge he's been dreaming of raping women. He told Gary he shouldn't talk about napping when he was caught napping.
Jon Hein said he was kind of surprised by that comment. Jon asked why he's not coming to the bachelor party. Sal said he has a family barbecue thing going on. He said that's going to be like 4-10. He said he really does have that. Sal said that they only had 11 days notice. Gary asked if his wife would let him go. Sal said she would.
Howard asked Sal what this last clip is. Sal said that Gary talked about going to L.A. to a record party. He said he went to this party and wasted his time going to that while he was in L.A.
Howard played a clip of Gary talking about this record party on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said that everyone had to bring a vinyl record and they hung out and drank and listened to records.
Howard asked Gary who was there and what they did there. Gary said there were a few celebrities like Jason Reitman and Judy Greer. He said he brought his vinyl out with him on the plane. He said that there were like 20 people there. Howard said he brought Chuck Berry's ''Havana Moon'' with him. Howard said he had to impress Jason Reitman. Howard said he bets that they had to find obscure songs to play so they sounded really smart. Gary said they did. Howard had Gary say what he said at the party and Fred played the song he was talking about. Fred said this is probably Chuck Berry's worst song. Howard said he must have played it to sound like he knows deep cuts. Gary said absolutely. He said they were cool songs. Howard said they were actually filler and shit songs that didn't go anywhere. Howard asked Fred to turn that shit off. Fred said that's the song he would skip over when he would listen to Chuck Berry.
Howard told Sal he did good today. He said he and Robin should have a record party like that. Howard said he's going to bring the B-side of Ice, Ice Baby. Gary told Howard about a song that Judy brought with her. He said it was ''Anchorage Alaska'' by Michelle Shocked. He said it's not even available as a download. Sal said that's because it's such a piece of shit they don't want to convert it. Fred actually had it to play. Steve Nowicki said this sounds like a shittiest song contest.
Howard said he's bringing Meg Griffin with him and he'll blow everyone away with an obscure song. He said this Michelle Shocked song is horrible. He told Fred to turn that off. Howard said this sends like a horrible party. Benjy asked what makes a good party, man? Howard asked why he's in there. He said he's so glad that he got him out of the studio. He said he wants him to stay in there but not say anything. They played a song parody about Benjy but Howard cut it off. He said he's taking too much abuse.
Howard asked Gary more about this awful party that was at Al Michaels' son's house. Howard asked if he earned that house on his own. Gary said he thinks he did. He said he had a company he sold for a good chuck of money. Howard said he doesn't think that Al would give him money for something like that. Gary said his name is Steve Michaels. Howard said it's Al's son and Ivan Reitman's son. He asked if any of the famous fathers were there. Gary said it was just a party for people who enjoy vinyl.
Howard asked Gary about what else they played at the party. Gary said he doesn't remember. Howard did his Gary impression talking about his vinyl. Robin said this sounds lie a party just brimming with awful music. Howard asked if Gary has a special bag for carrying his vinyl. Gary said he does not. He said he was shopping for one according to Sal. Jason said they caught him when he posted something with the images of his open tabs on his computer. He said they were vinyl shopping bags. Howard asked if Robin can imagine that. Robin said how else is he going to keep his records pristine.
Howard said Benjy is dying to talk and he feels bad. Benjy didn't have anything to say. Benjy said it's funny that Gary is getting more shit over this than Chris is about the two dicks. Gary said it's odd that they get blamed for homophobia when they would be busting Steve's balls if he had two vaginas and got a throat infection. Ronnie said Chris was bragging about this. Chris said they don't know if there's a correlation. Ronnie said ''oh come on man!''
Howard said that he yelled at Benjy about using a cookie wrapper on a stripper. Benjy said he thinks there is some homophobia there about Chris. Howard said he told Chris that he thinks his behavior is dangerous. He said he warned him about it and he thinks he has a message. He said that he doesn't realize the shit he can get.
Gary said Benjy told a story years ago about being freaked out by a girl who gave him a hand job because she had hocked a loogie in her hand to use as lube. Howard said that's so gross.
Howard said he thinks that Chris blew those guys and maybe they weren't so clean. Chris said they looked clean. Chris said he had a big goiter on his neck but they don't know that it came from that. He said he knows he has to be careful. Jason asked if that goiter thing freaked him out. Chris said they told him to get to a specialist immediately because that could blow up and he could have his throat close up. He said that was scary.
Howard thanked Sal again for his segment. He asked Steve what he has for tomorrow. Steve gave a rundown of what he has coming. Howard said he has a back load of Baba Booey shout outs too. He said they're trying to bleep them out but they get the timing wrong so they get out. Howard went to break a short time later.
Robin started her news with some Justin Bieber news. She said he announced that he's engaged to Stephen Baldwin's daughter a couple of weeks ago. Robin said that's interesting. Howard said it is. Robin said that Justin is there with his model girlfriend Hailey Baldwin. Howard said that he threw Stephen his bachelor party years ago. Robin said he has two daughters who are models. The two don't agree with their dad on Trump so the election was tough for them. Howard said Stephen is very religious now and doesn't come on the show.
Robin read a story about the Mets and how she has friends who always have high hopes for the team. Gary said this was supposed to be a good year for them. Robin read some details about what happened to the team this year and how things just didn't go well. Gary chimed in with some details since he's a Mets fan. Howard said he's not sure how New York can't have a winning team. Gary said the Yankees are doing great. He said the Mets just aren't. Howard talked to Jon Hein about what's going on too.
Robin read a story about Joan Baez going on a farewell tour. Robin read the details for the tour. Howard asked how old she is. He said she has to be in her 70s. Robin said she doesn't have her age there. Howard got a note saying she's 77. Howard said they did a documentary on Bob Dylan and Joan was a young woman and she's sitting in the corner singing with Bob. He said they looked like the coolest kids in town. He said the documentary was called ''Don't Look Back.'' He said just seeing them as young kids it looks so magical. Robin had some audio from Joan's new album. Howard said he digs her. Howard said he can't believe Billy Joel still sounds as awesome as he does. He said he's been to a couple of his shows. Robin had more tracks for Howard to play. Fred was playing some Robin singing clips over that.
Robin read a story about Mark David Chapman coming up for parole again. Robin said he killed John Lennon. Howard said he would have loved to have known what John was thinking. He said he would have loved to have seen him do a duet thing on tour. Robin said they lost John on December 8, 1980. Howard said they should ban the book The Catcher in the Rye because of that guy. He said he's thinking of all of the things that John did that were great. He said he was so original. He said this porky douche bag took that away. Robin said he's been a perfect prisoner. She said he has never caused any trouble. Robin said he's under protective custody. Howard said he must never be released. Robin said the parole board is trying to figure out how to better spend his time. Howard said there is nothing. He said he should never be released. Robin said that Yoko and her two sons still fear for their lives because of what Chapman did so they write letters to the parole board every year. Howard did a live commercial read and took a break after that.
After the break, around 10:35am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about a new danger at the beach. She said it's umbrellas. She read about how a woman was impaled by one back in June in Virginia Beach. Robin said she was impaled through her torso and she went into cardiac arrest. Robin said that the lifeguards were not ready for this. She was rushed to the hospital but died. Howard said it's like putting a stake through your heart. He said that the beach umbrellas aren't in the sand far enough. He said he loves people who sit there at the beach all day because they have nothing better to do. Howard said he wrote a show called Beach Umbrellanado. He said he wrote that after he saw Sharknado. He broke into his mom's voice telling people how dangerous beaches are. Robin said this isn't the first time. She said that gusts of wind are picking up the umbrellas and stabbing people. Howard said he sent his script to Ian Ziering. He said Tara Reid turned it down saying it was a piece of crap.
Robin read a story about Whoopi Goldberg kicking Jeanine Pirro off The View and allegedly spitting on her back stage. Howard said he saw it and it was awesome. He said he wishes they had hit each other. He said he hadn't heard about the spitting thing either. Howard said you get booked on the show and then you get kicked off. He said it was good TV though. He said Judge Jeanine looks good to him. He said he thinks he'd bang her. Robin said that he said that about Kimberly Guilfoyle. Howard said he'd say she's in her 40s. Robin said she's 49. He said Judge Jeanine is 67 and he likes her. He asked the guys if they think she looks good. He didn't get an answer before he played audio of Whoopi and Jeanine going at each other on The View. They were talking over each other and then Whoopi kicked her off the show. Howard asked if Robin saw her stab her with a beach umbrella.
Howard took a call from fake Whoopi who said that she didn't spit on her but she did shit in her mouth and twisted her nipples. Howard asked if she stabbed her with a beach umbrella. She said she didn't but she did a bunch of other things. Howard spent a couple of minutes with fake Whoopi. Robin said that Jeanine says that it created more book sales for her so Whoopi's plan didn't work out for her. Robin said that she remembers Bill O'Reilly being on the show and Joy and someone walked out on him. Howard asked how he's doing these days. Robin said she hasn't heard anything about him.
Robin read a story about Michelle Williams from Destiny's Child having problems with depression. Robin said she checked herself into a facility last week. Howard said everyone is depressed these days. Robin said there's a good reason for that. She didn't say what that was. Robin said she claims she wanted out of Destiny's Child when they became popular. Howard said maybe she needs laughter yoga. Robin said that she isn't a sufferer but you can get into it and laugh for a very long time. Fred played some of Robin's laugh drops while they were talking about that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a new heart study that found mushrooms and green beans may be beneficial but milk may not be. Robin said energy drinks should be avoided according to this study. Robin said they say that energy drinks may harm blood vessel functions. Howard said he can't win. He said he eats yogurt and that's dairy. Howard asked what Fred eats for breakfast. Fred said he just has a protein bar. Howard said maybe he should try that. Robin said those bars are a lot of carbs. Howard said he doesn't care about that.
Robin read a story about a duck boat that sank in a storm recently. Robin told Howard that this boat looks like a duck. She said 17 people died in a storm when the boat was out on the water. Robin said that the owners of the boat were warned that it had a design flaw. Robin had some audio of a guy explaining the flaw. Howard said everything is a lethal weapon. He said people are dying from duck boats and beach umbrellas. Howard said this is quite a newscast. Howard said that's some shitty way to go getting killed by a beach umbrella.
Robin read a story about a shooting in Toronto over the weekend. Robin had some audio of a police official giving an update on how many people were injured. Robin said it happened in a town called Greektown. Robin said the gunman is dead after a shoot out with police.
Robin read a story about the government giving permission to make it legal to put plans for 3D printed guns online. Robin said this will make it possible for people to print their own assault rifles. Robin had audio of Chuck Schumer warning people about this.
Robin read a story about a shoot out at a Trader Joe's in Silver Lake California. Robin had some audio of a news report about that. Howard said he watched the coverage of that on TV.
Robin read a story about Trevor Noah from the Daily Show catching some heat over a 2013 stand up routine where he made jokes about Aboriginal women. Robin had some audio of the joke. Robin said he has never apologized for his joke to the Australian people. Robin said he has backed off of it.
Robin read a story about how President Trump is waning Iran about threatening the U.S. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that and how the last time Trump did that he had a sit down with the leader of the country and they got the better end of the deal.
Robin read a story about the President talking about how the Russia investigation being a hoax and other things. Robin had some audio of a news report where they were talking about how Trump was warned about the meddling but he apparently ignored them. Robin had some other audio of Bernie Sanders talking about Trump's behavior in Helsinki.
Robin read a story about Sarah Huckabee Sanders saying that Trump is not trying to divert attention away from the Russia controversy by going after Iran. Robin had some audio of Sanders talking about that. Howard said she sounds like she's on vinyl. There were rain drops falling on the microphone and it sounded like scratches on vinyl.
Robin read a story about an Uber driver who was live streaming passengers without their knowledge. Robin said he was using Twitch to send out the video. Robin said most of his customers had no idea they were being broadcast. Robin said this isn't against the law in Missouri but it is against Uber and Lyft company policy.
Robin read a story about the president's poll numbers going up. Robin said 88 percent of republicans polled say he's doing fine.
Robin read a story about tour busses being banned from the ''Full House'' house in San Francisco. Robin said people go and just look at buildings. Robin said they have decided that they will not allow vehicles that seat more than 9 people on that street where that house is located.
Robin read a story about a transgender actress is going to appear on a TV show as a super hero.
Robin said that everyone thought Mamma Mia was going to be number 1 at the box office but Equalizer 2 beat it. Robin said she saw it and it's good. She said congratulations to Denzel Washington for beating Mamma Mia.
Robin said she saw that there's a new Steven Seagal movie. She said she doesn't watch those anymore but she thought of him when she saw that. Howard said he would watch it. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started the show talking about how they have a nice stretch of blank air to fill. He said he has run out of things to say after 500 years of broadcasting. He wasn't sure where to begin. Robin said people never run out of things to say.
Howard asked Fred how he's doing. Fred said he's good. He said he got 3 hours of sleep but he's good. Howard asked what he had on his mind. Fred said absolutely nothing. Howard said that can't be true. Fred said it might have to do with going to bed later than usual over vacation. Howard said he has an alarm right? Fred said he has 2. He said he went to bed at 10:30. Robin said Fred is one who stays up late and gets up early. Fred said he was up around 3 or 3:30. Howard said he had 5 hours of sleep then. Howard said he goes through that a lot. He said he'll get up after 5 hours and he can't go to sleep because he's upset about stuff. He has something he's upset about and he's so angry and frustrated that he can't sleep. He said he'll try to think about anything else and he can't stop thinking about this one thing.
Robin asked if there is anything that can distract him. Howard said it's hard. Robin asked if he can think about sex. Howard said that helps sometimes but not this. He asked if Fred jerked off. Fred said he did push ups but no jerking off. Howard said he does push ups and his shoulders hurt. He said he does the girl push ups with his feet on the ground. He said he's just getting fat.
Howard said Ralph tells him he's eating too many carbs. He said it's embarrassing because Ralph sees him in his underpants. He said he just wants to hide and he's a dude. Robin said Ralph has all day to worry about his abs. Howard said he claims he's busy all day but he's not sure doing what.
Howard said he finds himself getting more and more down about everything. Robin said you can't change it. Howard said he hates that Robin got sick. He said that drives him nuts. He said she's a good person and he gets upset thinking about that. He asked why Robin has to get sick. Robin said she's fine. Howard said he supposes.
Robin asked if he knows the serenity prayer. Howard said he wanted to do a prayer last night but he only knows certain things from when he was growing up. He said he doesn't even know what they mean because they're not in English. He said he spent the first 15 years of his life learning prayers that he has no idea the meaning of. He said he spent all of those hours learning those things and he has no idea what he's even saying. He said it's useless. He said this is what his parents had him busy with. He said his father made him learn the ''crazy words'' that he had to learn as a kid.
Howard said he's not sure why they subjected him to those hours of that bullshit. Howard asked Robin to teach him the serenity prayer. Robin told him what it was. Howard said that's more useful than what he has in his head. He said all of that nonsense and he doesn't know how to say a prayer. He said it's like a Jewish tongue twister. He recited some of the prayers that he knows. He said he wanted to pray to god and he went to religious training and he doesn't know how to pray. He said what a waste of time his life is.
Howard said it's so hot in there. He said he learned this nonsense. Robin told Howard more about the serenity prayer. Howard said he was doing the chant for wine. He told Robin what that was. He said that's all he can remember.
Howard said he might as well just sing nonsense songs instead of his prayers. Robin told Howard more of the serenity prayer. Howard said at least he knows those words. Robin said just listen to it. She said all of those things that he is worried about are things you can't change. Howard said he can change this but he doesn't have the balls. Robin said she's talking about all of the illnesses and things that you want to change. Robin said you can't change those things. Howard said he wants to be able to cure Robin. He said he felt pretty helpless.
Howard said he was also reading that the NY Daily News fired a bunch of people. He said like 1/3 or half of their staff is gone. Howard said he was asking the guys where they get their news now. He said he always reads the NY Post and the Daily News. He said the Daily News has been losing like $30 million a year. He said they used to be so successful. He said now they don't have a gossip page and they don't have a sports department. He said it's crazy. He said they're down to 9 sports reporters.
Howard said Underdog wants to teach him how to pray. He had fake Underdog lady(Rachel Butera) on the line. She wanted to teach him a prayer that he could understand. She started singing ''Ave Maria'' for him. Howard laughed. He said she's singing in Latin. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said he had this training as a kid and learning Klingon would have been more useful. He said he was laying there last night wanting to pray and he wasn't able to do it. He said he was laying there singing that song for wine. He said he wishes his parents had some wisdom. He said they were talking about how fucked up his teeth are because he didn't have braces as a kid. He said his mother never wanted that to happen. He said she was worried that his teeth would be loose.
Howard said his teeth were all fucked up in a big way. Robin said she was doing the opposite of that. She said that she was praising her parents for not knowing anything. She said she gets to be herself and doesn't have things in her head that are stupid.
Howard said the dentist said that he takes care of his teeth but his teeth are all fucked up and he can't do anything about it. Robin asked if he got a good report about his teeth. Howard said yes and no. He said they were good but he doesn't want to go into it. He said he has other problems. He said he wasted his time learning meaningless prayers and didn't get braces. He said his mother didn't care about his teeth being fucked up.
Robin said he could get braces now. Howard said yeah, imagine his face with braces at that age. He said that his kids could bring home a date and the guy would ask if he wears braces. Howard said everything was off in his childhood. He said he lived in a black neighborhood. Robin said she lived in a white neighborhood. Howard said he wondered how that happened to him. He said everyone left but his parents. He said it's fucking crazy. He said his mother thinks it's a good thing because he has something to talk about. Howard said he thinks he could have found something else to talk about.
Howard said he wishes he lived with Robin's family because he could have lived with white people. He said he was praying he could be black. He said then his problems could be solved. He said he could have dated girls in school if he was black. He said he put on the black affect at the time and that didn't work.
Howard said Sal was telling him that a black family moved next to him and they sold their house in a week. He said his parents refused to move out of the neighborhood when the black families started moving in. He said that his friends all left.
Howard said even as a kid his parents calls boogers ''Shpicky Wickies.'' He said that doesn't make sense. He did his mother's voice telling him to wash his hands because he has ''Shpicky Wickies.'' Howard wondered where they got that from. He asked if anyone else calls them that. He said it's disgusting.
Howard said they must have heard it somewhere. He said it sounds like one of those prayers he was talking about.
Howard said he has a picture of Wendy the Slow Adult and she has a full beard. He said she's a silver fox. He said she has more facial hair than he does. Gary said she was on Facebook Live when they got that. Howard said it's awesome. He said she has a better beard than JD.
Howard said he did an experiment. He said he was picking the hairs on his beard and he liked the pain from it. He said he wondered if he picked them all out if they would stop growing in. He said he picked out a clean spot about the size of a quarter. He said he had this big hole in his beard and he panicked. He said he was thinking it may not grow back in. He said he was going to have a big hole in his beard. He said he stopped pulling at it and it all grew back in. He said that even if you pull them out they grow back.
Robin said the trans people get rid of their beards. Howard said they must do something drastic to do that. He said they must take hormones and laser that stuff off.
Howard said Ronnie is out there calling him a whack job. He asked Ronnie why he's doing that. He said maybe he'll put him back in the car.
Ronnie came in asking who pulls their hair out of their face. He said it sounds like a whack case around there. Howard said if there's a whack case around there it's Fred. He said he just wants to feel something. That's why he was pulling his hair out. He told him not to talk about him out there. Ronnie said he wasn't talking about him. He said he just said that one thing. Howard said he's not a loyal guy. He said he should just stand there and not talk. Ronnie said he couldn't help it. Howard told him to go back out there and pretend to do security.
Howard said he has a big show coming up today. He said he was venting but he'll get to some phone calls and other things today. He said they will bring in the boys and clean out the computer. He said he'll play everything they have to get through.
Robin asked what the psychiatrist says when he talks about all of this stuff. Howard said he doesn't say much. He said it must be some kind of racket for the Jews. He said that he acutely does help. He said that the ''racket for the Jews'' is a line from The Sopranos. He said that's the funniest thing he's heard. He said he does get help and he's a lot less angry than he used to be.
Howard said he's in love with Sacha Baron Cohen's show. He said that guy is so funny. He said he is so great. He said just go and watch it (Who Is America). Howard said he laughs out loud at that show and that's not something he does that much. He said he just lost his show ''Six'' which was about SEAL Team Six. He said he liked that show. Robin said he has to go out and petition to get it back. Howard said you're a loser if you have ever written a letter to get a show back.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what he thinks about Andrew Lincoln leaving The Walking Dead. Robin said that she's glad she brought that up because you're supposed to see the show unfolding instead of knowing the guy is leaving. Howard said they could have killed him off in the show or something. Howard said that's number 1. He said this guy Andrew Lincoln is so lucky to have a job. He asked who the fuck he thinks he is. Robin said he's going to concentrate on movies. Howard said he's going to sit at home and do what they do with movies. Howard asked what the odds are for a show being that big. He said if he's leaving on his own he's off his rocker. Howard said he would milk that thing like Archie Bunker. He said that he would play Archie Bunker the rest of his life. He said he says this to Andrew. He said enjoy obscurity. Robin said he should change his name to Rick. Howard said enjoy being Rick in Sharknado 17. He asked what's wrong with that guy. Robin said he has this opinion of himself now. Howard said he should never leave.
Howard said he loves that show Walking Dead. He said he thinks the show is still great. He said they'll have to see what they do. He said maybe it'll be better. He said he's so mad that he's leaving and that he thinks he will have some big movie. The caller said that he has said he doesn't get time with his family. Howard said he thinks that he could figure that out with the money he's getting paid for that. Robin said Norman Reedus just signed on for another 15 years. Howard said you get on a hit show you stick with it. He said Norman is dating a really hot woman. Robin said she's expecting a baby. Howard said she used to date the kid from Dawson's Creek. Robin said that's Josh Jackson. Fred said it's Diane Kruger. Howard said that's her.
Howard took a call from fake Andrew Lincoln who said he's going to go back packing around Europe and things like that. Howard thought he sounded a lot like Alex Jones so he had the guy do his Alex Jones impression for a few before they went to break.
Howard said he got her a Peter Dinklage sex doll. Howard said not really but he did get her something nice.
Howard said he has to play this wonderful bit. He said they did this Psychic Wars bit. He said yesterday he was talking about how he was going to contact Chris Cornell. Howard said Robin knows what he thinks of psychics. He said Gary said that 22 year old kid wanted to come on the show but then they got a call from his people who said they don't want to come on the show. Howard said they don't want to be ridiculed.
Howard said that they had their ''Rodman Delancy'' call into some other psychic shows. Howard played a call that they had made before where Rodman called in calling them out on their psychic abilities.
Howard said that was his very first call. He said that they have Rodman's second call. He played the clip of Rodman using a woman's voice and the psychic didn't know he was a woman. Rodman called him out on that. He called back again and got the host of the show pissed off.
Howard said this is his newest call. He said he calls into a show claiming to be part of a group that's hunting down Rodman Delancy. Howard said they ask the host if he wants to join the hunt. Howard played the call and Rodman got on with the host and told the host about this psychic collective society that he's part of and that they're trying to hunt down Rodman Delancy. The host knew the name and said he had called his show. The host said he would like to join the collective. Then Rodman revealed that it was him. The host shuffled his tarot cards and tried to see what his life was going to be. He said he thinks that he's going to kill himself.
Howard said for those who love the psychic wars, stay tuned. He said there's a lot more where that came from. He said that the psychic wars continue. He said there is no psychic collective just so you know.
Howard said for some reason Ronnie is in charge of bringing it to him. Robin said she sees him run in with a bag. Howard said that's his lunch. He said he does it well though.
Howard said he has to take a break and get the guys in there. He took a call from Rodman Delancy who was on the line. He spent a minute with Rodman who said he can contact Chris Cornell if he wants but he has to have sex with Robin first. Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he was going to take a break but he wanted to play some Baba Booey shout outs. He said they tried to mute this but they missed it. Howard said TV companies don't know how to hit a delay. He said you'll see what he's talking about. Howard played the clip and the Booey part was cut off. Howard said that they went through the trouble of deleting it but then the announcer comes back and says it himself. Howard replayed the clip to hear where it got cut off. Robin said she loves that the guy has an accent and he knows Baba Booey. The guy said that they don't need any Baba Booey's and went on to talk about the hole they were playing.
Robin said there was a baby and a stroller at a golf tournament and the baby said something as the guy was about to swing. Robin said that the guy had to do his whole ritual again. Howard asked why they would bring a baby to the golf tournament. Robin said they did mention that they might want to move that baby.
Howard played some more Baba Booey shout outs from some golf tournament. Howard had a few of those to play. Robin said they're yelling all kinds of things. There was one guy who yelled out something about a gorilla before the Baba Booey. Howard played another one where a guy got in a nice loud Baba Booey. Howard said they say that golfers can't concentrate unless they do hear a Baba Booey.
Howard said on an ESPN show they had a discussion about the shout outs at golf games. They mentioned Baba Booey and they said it's all obnoxious. They said you sound stupid doing it and it's just this ''look at me'' thing. Howard said just have some fun and stop being a grumpy fuck.
Howard said he thinks that they started it with the Baba Booey thing and then the ''Baked potato'' thing started. He said at least credit them with that.
Howard said the Baba Booey thing is from Gary their producer. Howard said it has become a part of golf now. Howard played a song parody that Little Mikey did about Baba Booey. They went to break after that.
Howard said he's looking at the panel of guys that work on the show. He said he has, Steve, Sal, JD, Gary, Chris and Benjy in there. Howard said Benjy looks great. Robin asked if that's the shirt he planned. Benjy said he did. Howard said he does look good in a tablecloth. Howard asked how he feels being on the air or does he want to leave. Benjy laughed. Howard said his shaving cuts have healed from yesterday. Benjy said he had such a good sleep last night too.
Howard said they have a lot of material he doesn't get to so he asked the guys to pull their favorite stuff. He said he can clear out his computer that way.
Howard said Gary wants to play something since Sal made fun of him yesterday. He said that Sal said that Gary should do his best when he goes to an event and he should be putting out his best. Sal said Gary deliberately put this together for today's show. He said that he heard him on the Wrap Up Show yesterday saying he can't wait to play this today. Sal said he should be prepared when he represents the show.
Gary said Sal went out and did an appearance in San Diego for the owner of this horse that's named ''Sal the Turtle'' and Sal sang the worst song he's ever heard in his life. Howard said Sal went out and performed in front of 22,000 people and embarrassed the show. Gary said Sal feels he's exempt from this because he tells people to download the app and listen to the Howard Stern Show. Sal said Gary has it wrong. He said this is a song they sing at the racetrack. Gary said it still stunk.
Howard said this is at Delmar Racetrack and this is Sal speaking to the crowd. Howard played a clip of Sal being introduced and doing a Baba Booey thing before he sang this awful song. Howard laughed as it was playing.
Howard said ''Oh my god.'' Gary said when you hear a writer from a Howard Stern Show then you expect funny. Howard said both of them have embarrassed him. Sal said he didn't go there to do an appearance. He said it turned into one. Howard said it was an appearance. Sal said he guesses so. Gary asked if he had to learn the song. Sal said he did that day in the hotel.
Howard said Sal's dad is there so he has something to say. Steve Nowicki did his Sal's dad impression for a few seconds. Sal said that was one of the best performances of that song. Howard said he hates to break it to him but he can't sing. Sal said they told him he did the best version ever. Howard said he can't sing. Sal said alright. Howard said he has no range and he can't sing. He said he's the one who ends up looking like an idiot.
Sal said he was asked to sing the song and he did the right thing and closed it with the app download thing. He said people love the video component of the app. He said they told him after. Jason said he heard thousands of people deleted their app after that. Robin said it seems like Sal prepared as much as Gary did. Howard said Sal did not prepare just like Gary did not prepare. Sal said this was a song they do every year. He said it wasn't to do something funny. Gary said it was very lazy and shit. Sal said it was better than that Gary did.
Howard asked if he was trying to sound like Frank Sinatra. Sal said it was a Bing Crosby show. Jason said he saw video of Sal doing it and he moves in an odd way. Sal said at least he can move unlike Jason.
Gary said he thinks that stands by itself. He didn't have more Sal stuff but he had more clips to play. Gary said in April Sal the Turtle ran in a race. Howard played a clip where they explained how Sal the Turtle got his name. Howard said now you know why he didn't get to this. He doesn't give a fuck about Sal the Turtle. Jason said horse racing sounds so boring. Howard said most people who go there are degenerates. He said it's a fucking weird sport if you want to call it that. He said everyone is down on their luck there. Jason said he went to one of the races and it is a sad thing. Howard said his dad used to go and even he called them degenerates and he was there. Gary asked how many of those 22,000 walked away winners. Howard said not many.
Sal said he got 5 percent of this horse. He said the horse won 3 races in a row and then he got 5 percent and he hasn't won since. He said maybe next week at Saratoga. Benjy asked if it helps for Sal to mention it on the show. Sal said he's getting nothing so far. Howard said it's a typical Sal investment.
Howard said he'll skip over the next one. Gary said the announcers blamed the horse losing on Sal. Howard said he isn't playing that.
Howard said another guy named his horse Fafa Fooey. He likes hearing the guy mention that. Howard played the clip of the race announcer saying Fafa Fooey. Howard said that's a good one. Robin said listening to these guys carrying on about Sal the Turtle isn't exciting. Robin said no one cares. Sal said the people who watch the races do. Robin asked why they're playing it here. Sal said Gary is the one who brought it up.
Howard said someone named their horse ''Bofa deez nuts.'' He played a quick clip of the announcer saying that name.
Benjy said she said her first lesbian experience was in 4th grade. Howard said that maybe she lies about that stuff just to hype her films. Howard asked Benjy what his first clip is. Benjy said this is Lana talking about how much she wants the award. Howard played the clip and Lana was talking about how you have to act like you're having fun while getting it up the ass. She won the award and she talked more about the work they put into that job.
Howard said that's fascinating. He said she puts a lot of hard work into that. He said that clip is just dripping with sadness. He said she was hoping to win for Best Anal. Jason said she liked that she said you have to smile when you're getting anal.
Benjy said in the next clip she's mentoring this other girl about getting anal. Howard played the clip and the girls were talking about how important gaping is and then they were talking about cleaning out your asshole. They were talking about warming up with butt plugs and things. one of the girls said she got injured doing anal. Lana was the one who was injured and she said she had to rehab herself and get back into it. Howard said that's kind of awesome. Steve said they had happy and sad anal music in that clip.
Howard asked what she did to injure herself in anal. Benjy said he's still trying to figure that out. Howard asked why she would come back with double anal after all of that. Robin said that shows she's fully back.
Benjy asked if they know what gaping is. Howard said no. Benjy said that's when they spread their asshole and you see into it. Benjy asked who is into that. Chris said that it's a big thing in the industry.
Benjy said this is another couple of girls who won Best Girl/Girl scene reacting to their win. Howard played that clip and the girls were crying over their win. Howard said that's awesome.
Howard said that was a pretty emotional speech. Howard asked who even votes on these. Robin said what occurred to her is that they have been doing the AVNs for like 40 years. Benjy said they've been doing it since the 80s so it's like 30 some years. Howard said they have actresses crying now. Robin said it sued to be tacky and now it's almost mainstream. JD said it's on Showtime now.
Benjy had another clip. He said this one is a guy from Russia who got into porn and he's so excited but he gets played off for going too long. He said this was Marcus Dupree. Howard played that clip and Marcus was giving his speech and then they play music over him to get him off the stage.
Howard said what a bore. He said it's good they played him off. Howard said what an asshole. He said he just keeps going on and on. Howard said that's like when Roberto Benini won an Academy Award and went on and on. Benjy said that's how happy a guy is who gets paid to have sex.
Howard said this is how you know America is great and Russia sucks. He said you meet a doctor who lived in Russia and then moves here and he's working in a window factory. Benjy asked how that's a great country to be a window washer. Howard asked why he's in there. He said that guy had a high level job in Russia and then he comes here to be a window washer. Benjy said he gets it now. Howard played a song parody about Benjy.
Howard asked Benjy to explain his point to him. Benjy said that he thinks what he means is that he had to get out of Russia and the standard in America is so much higher that he can't be a doctor there. Howard said Benjy doesn't get it. Robin asked if he has more clips. Gary said he does.
Howard told Benjy to just give him the clips and don't talk to him. He said he's just not vibing with him. Benjy told him to go to a clip where they gave an award to the transsexual of the year. He said he didn't think that was all that funny though. Howard said he's done then. Benjy said wait. He told him to play clip 8. Howard said this has gone horribly wrong. Benjy said it hasn't. JD said that clip is funny. Howard said he thought it would be fun to get the guys in there. Robin said it was. Howard said he thinks he's done with this panel. He doesn't want to do it anymore.
Howard said Benjy is there saying that the clips aren't funny. Benjy told him to go back and play clip 7. Howard said no because he said it wasn't funny. Robin thanked Benjy and asked who is next. Robin told Howard to turn off Benjy's microphone. Howard did that. Robin said everything got better.
Howard said you can't do a segment and say it's not funny. Benjy said he was reading the moment. Howard said he could have just told him which clip to play. Benjy said play clip 9. Howard said no but then asked what it is. Benjy said it was an In Memorium bit that they put together. Howard told him to forget it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they put the Benjy trap door in there to get him the fuck out. Howard said he asked Gary if he thinks that Benjy could do this and he said yes. Howard said he was trying to have a conversation with Benjy and then he's self editing. Howard said then he's not getting what he's saying about the Russian guy. Howard said Benjy gets into major arguments. He said that he wants Benjy to win and the audience to love him but that's not happening.
Will said Benjy has been sitting on this for a month and he could have edited it at any point. He said it's great that he took the initiative to do this but then he kind of derails it for no reason. Benjy said he had 9 clips. Will said he could have pulled the best 5. Benjy said he can see how it's going at the time. Robin said they don't need to know what he's skipping.
Gary asked Howard not to listen to him anymore about Benjy. Howard said they just don't mix. Benjy said his joke is to make him look stupid. Howard said he's not though. He said he's just derailing everything that he's doing. Jason said he doesn't think Howard has to try that hard to make Benjy look stupid. Benjy said he can do a fake laugh now.
Howard said he wanted to get Benjy in and out of there. Robin said he should get him out. Howard said he stares at him and he makes him feel bad. He told him to just be quiet.
Howard played the clip of this guy Michael Williams talking about his bus tour and how they have a deportation bus ready to go. Howard did his impression of that guy too.
Howard asked how Benjy is doing. Benjy said he's really angry right now but Howard is being funny. Howard said he was just checking in to see how he's doing.
Jason said that the deportation bus guy lost the election. Benjy asked if the other guy is picking up illegals in his pick up. Howard said probably not. Howard said he thinks in Georgia the immigrants are picking the peaches in Georgia. He said a peach will end up costing like 800 dollars if they get other people to pick the fruit.
Jason said this next clip so a politician named Patrick Little. He said he's running for state senate in California. He said this guy focuses on the Jews in this clip. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about Diane Feinstein and how she gets to vote and it's time to get rid of the traitorous Jews. He went on and on about Diane Feinstein and how he wants to get rid of her and the other Jews.
Howard said by the way that announcer has a pretty decent voice. Howard did his impression of that commercial. He said that guy is pretty good. Gary said they made a pretty amazing accusation about Diane killing children. Howard said that guy must have a job doing commercials. He asked what kind of guy would do that. Jason said they have trouble getting their guys to read some stuff.
Howard was doing an impression of the guys doing the commercial read. Howard asked where they did the read, in a bunker? Howard had the announcer giving some suggestions on what to say in the commercial.
Robin wondered how they got the group of people to yell ''goodbye Jews!'' in that commercial. Jason said he's sure they were just standing outside.
Howard did more of his impression of the announcer and a producer coming up with that commercial. He had them coming up with really crazy stuff about the Jews.
Howard said that's something. Jason said you don't really hear Patrick in that call. He said that he did go on MSNBC and called Jews ''monsters'' on there. Howard played a clip where they had audio of Patrick Little calling the Jews monsters.
Howard said laugh all you want, he got 47,000 votes. Jason said he got 53,000 actually. He said he came in 13 in the election. Howard did his impression of that announcer guy talking about that. Howard said that Patrick Little did lose but he did very well. Jason said it was very well.
Jason had a clip of another guy running for office in Illinois and his name was Arthur Jones. Jason had some audio from MSNBC where they had audio of the guy who is a holocaust denier and he thinks white people want a white neighborhood. He also said that he average IQ of a black person is 20 points lower than a white person. Jason said that guy won because no one ran against him. Howard said he had white parents and he's a big idiot so he doesn't get it.
Jason said this guy isn't racist but he's running to try to legalize incest. Howard played a clip of that guy talking about how he'd be in favor of legalizing incest because of personal freedom. The reporter asked about the child's rights. The guy said that he thinks it's up to the father to make those decisions about their daughters. That guy's name is Nathan Larson.
Jason said he likes that he was focused on incest instead of the Jews. Steve said he sounds like he just fucked one of his siblings. Howard said he said it is about personal freedom
Jason said this is Trump's America. Robin said this is just America. Gary said the N-word just rolls off of people's tongues these days. Benjy said it's always been like that. Gary said it just seems like it happens more now.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's not sure if she should laugh or cry. She asked if this is what our world is really about. Robin said yes. Benjy said he's not sure how this is linked to Trump. Robin said it was already unlinked. She said she already said that this was already out there.
Howard said he just wants to know what was so funny. JD said he doesn't remember. Howard said JD just looked at him and hooted. JD said it must have been something he saw Ronnie do. Howard found the name of this thing called PseudoBulbar Affect. JD said he even starts crying for no reason at all. He said he'll tear up. Howard said he must have that PseudoBulbar. They call it PBA. Howard played a JD song parody after that.
Howard asked JD if he has his vows written yet. JD said not yet. He said he's thinking about it. JD said he's just going to talk about how much he loves her and why. Steve said JD also rocks back and forth a lot. Gary was looking at the reasons for PseudoBulbar Affect. He asked JD about a few things. JD just had the head injury.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be a doctor who treats people for PseudoBulbar Affect. He said they see a lot of that with dementia patients. Howard asked what he thinks about JD. Doctor Steve said that it's generally something that happens all the time. Howard said that is JD. He said he wouldn't put him on medication for it though. Robin said it might be a mild case. Dr. Steve said that it sounds like a nervous thing with JD. He said there are medications out there for it. Howard said he doesn't want him on medication. Jason asked if anything bad will happen to him if it goes untreated. Dr. Steve just said if you ask what they're laughing at they just don't know. JD said it was just something Ronnie did this morning. JD said he's tearing up right now. He said he has no idea why. He wasn't upset. Howard asked if he's thinking about anything. JD said not really. Howard said maybe they can show JD crying on the app.
Howard thanked Dr. Steve and asked if he heard about the Chris throat thing yesterday. Steve said that if they tested him for STDs and that was negative then it may not have been from the sucking cock thing. He said there are other bacteria they don't test for. He said they don't test for Group B strep. He said it could have been that from a cock. Chris said that he'll accept that. He said someone was slinking around there on antibiotics and he shared a straw with them. He said a week and a half later he had his problem. Steve said it was him. He said that he was over his illness. Howard asked if Chris was trying to get Steve. Chris said he doesn't do that with straight guys.
Howard said he gets it. It wasn't a straw. Howard said it wasn't a drink. It may have been them sharing some tobacco. Wacky Tobacco. Howard let Dr. Steve go after that.
Robin said she thinks that the dicks went very far into his throat. Chris said one of them was like 10 inches. He said that got in about inches. He said he goes for the balls on the chin. He said the other thing that bothered him was Gary saying that he wonders if he told his doctor that he sucked two dicks. Chris said of course he did. Gary said not everyone tells the truth. Chris said he has no shame.
Howard said Ronnie was telling him that Chris still has problems swallowing. Chris asked how he would know. Ronnie came in and said that they were watching him on the camera out there. He said he's still cringing when he eats and tries to swallow. Chris said that is just not true. He told Ronnie to fuck off. Howard said alright and cut them off. He said he has to take a break. He went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard said he always thought that they were going to tell him he has 2 weeks to live. He said he might have to wrap up his affairs. Robin said he doesn't need that much time to do that. Howard asked if he has a week to live does Jeff have anything he wishes he had accomplished in his life. Jeff said he's not delusional like Bobo. Howard said he's serious. Jeff said he doesn't think he really lived the perfect life. He said he has always made the best of it. Gary asked if he regrets anything in his life. Jeff said that's hard to say. Howard said he's having a hard time understanding what he's saying.
Howard said Shuli claims that he's tanning his penis. Howard had Shuli come in to give a breakdown of that. Shuli said the details are horrific. He said he tans in a chair on his deck in the trailer park. He said he puts on the lotion and then he tans his back. He said that he contorts his body and stays there in some weird pose for 15 minutes. He said he sits there in his underwear. Howard said his poor neighbors. Jeff said they can't see him. Shuli said he takes his dick out and puts lotion on it and gets it hard. He said then he chokes it at the base and holds it in the sun for 5 minutes. Howard asked why he cares if he's tan or not. Jeff said it's just nice.
Gary said he wants his dick to look good for when he sends it to guys he thinks are girls. Shuli had a picture of what was on Jeff's foot. He showed it to Howard and Robin. Howard asked if they posted it. Howard asked how he got that on his leg. Jeff said that he got it from the sun. Howard said it looks like the flesh eating disease. Howard asked how he's still alive with that.
Howard asked if they can post that. Jeff said they can post it. Howard said maybe a doctor will see it and figure out what's going on with it. Howard had Shuli put it up. Jeff said he popped it. Howard said it looks like he walked on the sun. He said it looks like a leper colony picture.
Jason said it looks like a long, festering thing. He said it didn't just happen yesterday. Jeff said it was all dead skin and he popped it. Howard said the zombies on The Walking Dead have better skin. Jeff said ''Sorry'' in a sarcastic tone.
Jeff said he got like 40 ''yucks'' in a row when he posted that on Instagram. Howard said that he'd run to the doctor with that. Jeff said he has an appointment tomorrow morning. Howard said he'd get there today.
Shuli said that all Jeff does is send pictures of his dick to guys and he wont send him one of him tanning. Jeff said he knows that there are trolls out there and he sends them the pictures.
Howard let Jeff go and Jeff said later ''fuck face.'' Howard asked what he did to him. Jeff said he knows what he did. Jeff said he forgives him. Howard said what a weirdo. He let Jeff go and played a song parody about Jeff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he still watches America's Got Talent. Howard said he doesn't at all. He said they treated him very well there. He said he watched the show before he was even on it. Howard said he's not sure why he doesn't watch it. He said maybe there's this expectation that he show would have lost viewers after he left but they did about the same or better than when he was there. He said they had 11 million when he was there and that's about what they have now. Howard said he doesn't like Simon either. He said the guy is a dirty scum bag. He said he was writing secret emails about getting his job and undercutting his pay. He said he was done after doing it for 4 years. Howard said he won't go through that whole story again about Simon. He said he's talked about it before.
Howard said for some reason he doesn't watch the show anymore. the caller said he still watches once in a while. He asked what he thinks about the talent using the judges during their auditions. Howard said he has to go. He didn't want to talk about the show.
Howard took a call from fake Simon Cowell and spent a few minutes talking to him. They went back and forth with insults. Howard said thanks to Simon but Simon told him to fuck off.
Howard said he's a good arguer. Robin said he always comes loaded. Robin said he comes prepared.
JD said he's a big fan of the show Big Brother and they did a Celebrity Big Brother a few weeks back. He said Brandi Glanville was on and they showed the live feeds on Pop TV. He said one night Brandi was talking about the celebrities that she fucked and Pop TV cut away real quick. He said he thought this was funny. Howard played the clip and Brandi was talking about fucking Ben Stiller and David Schwimmer. Then they cut away from the conversation. The guys said it got interesting.
JD said that he has a clip of Perez Hilton talking about how he thinks that Kylie Jenner should get an abortion. Howard played that clip and Perez was going crazy over this story. Howard said what a job he has.
JD said he got criticized for that and he was trying to clarify his comments but it sounded like the same thing. Howard played that clip next. In the clip Perez was talking about how he respects a woman's right to choose. Howard said you demand one abortion and people go crazy. Perez said he didn't say she should get an abortion right now. He said if he were her mother he would have told Kylie to get an abortion when they found out in July.
Howard said he thinks that he really annunciates. He said his father would be impressed. Howard asked if the baby was born yet. Robin said she thinks it was and they named it Stormy. Jason asked if she's the one who is worth like ea billion dollars because she should be able to take care of a kid with that kind of money.
JD said he has another Perez Hilton clip where he goes crazy about a guy who didn't give him an acting job because of the way he has treated celebrities in the past. Perez was apologizing to his kids for the way people may treat them in the future because of who their dad is. Gary said he just adopted a third kid so he loves kids. JD said he was up for some job but they didn't like him because of his past.
Howard said they haven't seen Perez in a while. He said that he fingered Benjy. He said that was great. He said that was Benjy's best appearance on the show. He said at least he has that on his resume. He said that's commitment to the show. Robin said they do have to remember that when they get upset with Benjy.
Gary said that he was right there for that Benjy and Perez thing. He said Benjy was on his back and Perez went right in there. Jason said he was there taking pictures and the lights were on. Gary said they talk about this on the air and being there live in the room was one of the most fucked up things. He said it was just jarring. He said it just happened. Howard asked if he had to clean up ass juices. Benjy said he doesn't remember. He said he was on a high that day because it was a funny moment.
Howard asked if he was attracted to Perez at all that day. Benjy said no but he does give him a big hello when he sees him. Howard said Gary was really shook that day. Gary said Perez lives in a really nice building and they were in there with Benjy screaming at 10:45 in the morning. Benjy said he was trying to bring other people in there but Gary didn't let him. He said he thought it would be funny to fill it up.
Howard asked Benjy if he took his clothes off. Benjy said he kept his shirt on. He said he was afraid that he had damage to his area down there. He said his balls did end up hurting the day after. He said he was afraid that he had some damage done. Howard asked if he told the doctor what happened. Benjy said it did sound like a bullshit excuse. He said that's how he reacted to it. Howard asked if he examined his ass after that. Benjy said he got an ultrasound in his ass and everything looked fine. He said he did get an antibiotic. He said that they put this probe in his ass to check it. Howard said maybe it was a gun.
Gary said the walk back that day was odd. He said they didn't really talk about what happened. Howard said he's mad at himself for that bit because Benjy started screaming and he told Perez to pull his finger out. He said if he had left it in longer maybe it would have been funnier.
Howard said he remembers asking Gary what they should do there. Gary said he thought Benjy looked like he was fine. Howard said he should have left it up to Gary. Robin said maybe he could have taken a whole fist. Gary said if he had he would have left. Howard said what if Benjy came. Benjy said he thought about that. He doesn't think he even got a boner. Jason said he didn't because they were watching.
Benjy said he wanted to grab Gary by the neck and make out with him. Howard asked how great it would have been if he came all over Gary's face. Gary said that he had that porn star squirt in his face. He said he almost got tested at the doctor for that.
Howard did his Gary voice and had him talking about Benjy cumming on his face and explaining it to the doctor. Benjy said he had to explain what happened to him to nurses before the doctor came in.
Howard said he thinks he's going to stop here. He said he sees it's 7 past 10 an they should wrap up today and resume tomorrow with JD. JD said he has some Lisa Lampanelli stuff. He said she got really pissed off at a crowd during a set. Gary said there's nothing better than seeing someone funny get not funny. JD said he has a Marilyn Manson clip too. He said he told Rob Zombie how he used to pee in the band Korn's catering.
Howard said he has to hear this Lisa Lampanelli thing. He played the clip where Lisa went off on someone who refused to turn something off in the audience. Lisa was telling the audience that they can get the fuck out if they don't stop giving their sentiments while she's talking. Howard said that went on for a minute and 44 seconds. Howard played more of Lisa yelling at this person. Howard said it sounds like his mother yelling at him. He said his mother used to yell at him like that for leaving a shirt on the bed.
Howard played more of Lisa yelling at this person and saying she's 56 and she's been doing this for 30 years so she doesn't need this shit. Howard said ''And now lets get back to having fun.'' in his Lisa voice. Howard asked if she finished up her act after that. JD said he's not sure. Gary said they're not sure what set her off. He said that Lisa went off on someone who offered her money at one point. Lisa was telling security to get these people out of her show. She asked if she's fucking stuttering. They weren't getting the person out. Howard said poor Lisa. He said that stand up stuff is tough.
Howard said then Lisa yelled at the lighting person. Howard played some of that audio. Lisa was screaming about leaving the lights up. She was screaming at the fucking moron for turning them down. She said she was talking to this guy and she didn't need help with that or anything in her life. She told them to shut the fuck up and let her talk.
Chris said he loves that there are rules during her meltdown. Howard said then someone breaks the rules.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's still into photography. Howard said no. He said he hates it now. He said he's into painting. He said he just shot a cover for Beth for this Social Life magazine. He said he does that once a year. He said that he wanted Beth to get a pro but she wanted him to do it. He said he agreed to do it and it's coming out soon. He said he told Beth afterward that he is officially retired. Beth said they'll have fun with it next year if they ask her to do it again. Howard said he's going to have to do it. Benjy said fake a stroke.
Howard said he doesn't like doing it now. He said he had to call two of his friends to ask how to turn his camera on. He said now he just uses his iPhone. He said they do that all the time but he had to pull out his Nikon special camera to do it. He said he didn't remember how to screw it into the tripod. He said he gets angry forgetting about how to do stuff.
Howard said he spent 3 years of his life learning that stuff and he forgot it all. He said he wasn't able to remember how to Photoshop or even get the pictures off his card. He said it was a complete waste of time. Robin said she thought he could do it because he knew how but he doesn't even know how anymore. Howard said he was all angry and yelling at people at the shoot. He said he was yelling about there being too much sun on her face. He said Beth asked him to calm down. He said that makes him even crazier.
The caller said he has to go. He cut Howard off. Howard said Beth has had horrible experiences with photographers. He said it's #MeToo kind of shit. He said she feels safe with him. He said that he knows how she likes to be shot. Howard said he doesn't remember how to do anything though.
Howard said he was trying to get the pictures off his memory card and he had trouble doing that. He said he's trying to work on this secret project he's working on and he can't do that because of this. He said that he's miserable. He said all he had to do was reboot his computer. He said he hadn't used it in so long that it just needed updating. Jason said they update the RAW photo thing like 8 times a year.
Jason said the Jeff the Drunk picture is up now on HowardStern.com. Howard said you have to check it out.
Howard said that Lisa is on the phone to yell at JD for playing those clips. He had fake Lisa Lampanelli on the line screaming at JD. Lisa said she's hangry because she hasn't eaten anything lately. Howard said she seems to have lost it. Lisa was calling JD a fat cunt and other things. Howard asked JD why he would play that. JD said he thought it was funny. Fake Lisa called JD a fat, ugly cunt. Howard asked what kind of man collects spoons. Lisa went off on JD about his beard and things like that. Howard said Lisa is on fire.
Howard told JD to tell Lisa about his dieting. JD said he's not eating as much fast food as he used to. Fake Lisa was still screaming at him and saying he's made of 90 percent Filet-o-fish. Howard brought up Jon Hein and Lisa went off on Jon too.
Howard said he's sorry that JD played those clips. JD said he's sorry. Fake Lisa told him to go scissor with Jon Hein.
Howard said he has to take a break and then they'll get to the news. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said it's time for Robin to shine with the news. They played her into it with a song parody.
Robin started her news with a story about a Pretty Woman musical that's out on Broadway. Howard said Robin loved that movie. Howard said imagine she's Julia Roberts. Robin said the premise of the movie was stupid. She asked if they are still making her a prostitute in the play. Howard said he would think so. Howard said Julia Roberts looks good at 50. He said a lot of people let themselves go. Howard said it just happens. Robin said she was interested in the musical because the music was written by Bryan Adams and his song writing partner. Robin said she saw that J.F. Laughton was part of it. Howard said he saw that and J.F. wrote the Fartman movie too. He said he wrote the whole thing. Howard said he just didn't have the balls to make it. He said Donald Trump was going to be the villain in the movie. He said he was trying to build condominiums in Central Park and Fartman defeats him. He said he thought that he could have gotten Donald to do it. He said if he's up for making it now he'd make it. He said he thinks Donald would do it even now.
Robin said Billy Joel thinks that Elton John is dragging down his legacy. Howard said he has said that on their show. He said Billy feels at some point it's time for kids to put out music. He said that Billy tells that story about Elton telling him to put out a new song and he told Elton he should put out less. He said he's not really telling him he's dragging down his legacy. Robin said that they played the new Robert Plant stuff the other day. Howard said that sounded good. He said there's a guy in Greta Van Fleet who sounds like Robert Plant. He said they're good. He played their song ''When the Curtain Falls.'' Howard said he digs that. He said he likes those guys and he likes Led Zeppelin. He said the songs are good and they're young. He said he'd watch them. Robin said Frank Sinatra kept making albums. Howard said that was a goof, right? Robin said they were selling. Robin said painters don't stop painting so why can't song writers continue to write. Howard said take it easy, let them do what they want.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly putting out a 19 minute record. Robin said it's called ''I Admit.'' Robin said it's an answer to the questions people have had about him over the years. Robin said it's been a long time since someone put out a 19 minute song. Robin said this is cut up and they'll take it in bits. Robin read about how R. Kelly admits to not being able to read. Robin had Howard play that part. He admits he is dyslexic and the only reason he's on tour is so he can pay his rent. Howard said he was kind of riveted by the song. Robin said she was too. Robin said he is broke and signed away his publishing and all of that.
Howard asked if he admits to the pissing on the girls thing. Robin said she's not sure. She had Howard play a clip where R. Kelly sings about what he owes to the IRS. Howard said he wrote a song about how he admits he parked in a handicapped spot. Robin said he also sings about being molested. Robin had Howard play that. R. Kelly sang about the family member who touched him until he was 14. Howard said he has to do a song like this. He said he kind of does this on the show every day. He sang about how he puts tissue in his underpants and that he watches The Bachelorette. Robin said that he had the background singers singing about how he was molested.
Fred had some awful music playing so Howard asked him to find something better to sing about. Howard said he has to think about what to admit. Robin said she didn't know he can't read. Howard asked Fred if he found anything for him yet. Fred didn't have anything so Howard just made up the song without music. Howard sang about the toilet paper wrapping his dick. Robin was doing background. Fred found a backing track for them. Howard admitted he smells his own farts and likes it. He admits that he paints water color flowers. He admits he shoots smaller loads than he used to. He said they're like 50 percent less. He sang about his pubes being longer than his penis. He sang about his balls and penis. He sang about how he can't wait for the premiere of Dancing with the Stars. He sang that his penis looks like an acorn. He also sang about using wet wipes to wipe his ass. Howard said he's done.
Robin had one more clip of R. Kelly singing about how he doesn't abuse women. Howard played that and Kelly said that shit sounds silly. Howard said that shit sounds wild. Robin said she wants to hear all 19 minutes of that. Robin said there was a movement to get streaming services to stop carrying his music.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his song was hilarious. He said Robin was fantastic with the background singing. Howard said he'll write another one in about 5 minutes. Howard said every once in a while they have a hit song. He said he's going to write more about jerking off to babysitter porn.
Robin read a story about a man who was arrested for working out naked saying he thought that it was a judgment free zone so that's why he did it. Robin said this guy took it too far and got charged with disorderly conduct. Robin said he worked out on a yoga mat naked. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about NASA working with NFL players to help get them to start businesses. Robin said that they're looking to help them get their own thing going. Howard asked why they do that for NFL players. Robin said she was wondering the same thing. They have some rule about how they have to give their technology to the public. Howard said how about helping our military guys.
Robin said that a former Dukes of Hazard star is charged with touching some musical co-stars. Robins said that Tom Wopat was charged on two counts of annoying and accosting two members of the opposite sex. Howard said he was Bo or Luke Duke. Howard said he liked the fat guy in the suit. He liked Daisy too. Robin read about what Tom Wopat is accused of doing. Howard was shocked by the news that the Daisy Dukes shorts name came from the Dukes of Hazard.
Robin read a story about the Canadian shooter and how he may have had mental problems. Robin said that his parents are saying he may have had severe mental issues. Robin said officials are not discounting that it could have been terrorism. Robin said they have some tips for surviving these shootings. Robin had Howard play a clip of this guy talking about what to do. Howard said the guy sounds like he's hiding himself in that clip. The guy's voice was kind of muffled. Robin said that they say to run away and hide if you can. Robin said the third thing is that if you're in the vicinity of the shooter you have to counter attack. Robin had more audio of the guy but Howard said he's having a hard time understanding him. Robin said you also have to realize that an active shooter is just one person. Robin said he can't control a room full of determined people even if he's armed. Howard said that's when he takes Fred and shoves him at the shooter. He said he'll let Fred do his magic. He is a boxer after all.
Robin read a story about President Trump saying that he's looking at taking away some security clearances for people who have worked in other administrations and work for him. Howard asked Fred if he's for against that. Fred said he doesn't know. Robin had some audio of Sarah Huckabee Sanders talking about why they're going to do this.
Robin read a story about President Trump cheering the term ''Made in America.'' Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that. She said that he was defending his trade policies too. She had a few clips for Howard to play. Robin said there are experts who are saying that the trade war could take jobs away if this keeps up. Howard said he liked it better when he came on the show and fought with AJ Benza and stuff.
Robin read a story about some recordings that Michael Cohen has on Trump. Howard asked what kind of lawyer records you. Robin said that's what Trump is wondering now. Robin said that the recordings can be reviewed by investigators because they are not protected by Attorney Client privilege.
Robin read a story about how Stormy Daniels is getting divorced and there may be a custody battle. Robin said that the husband is a porn actor but he's arguing that the child may be surrounded by adult performers if she takes the child on the road. Howard said the kid is already surrounded by adult performers.
Robin read a story about how North Korea may be dismantling a satellite launch site. Robin said this may show that they are going to get rid of nuclear weapons.
Robin read that the Megamillions jackpot is around half a billion dollars. Howard said you never win that. He said it's a waste of money. He said Wendy the Slow Adult goes for that kind of stuff. Robin said she's doing the scratch off tickets.
Robin read a story about Puerto Rico and how someone is asking for help from last year's hurricane.
Robin read a story about the co-creator of Rick & Morty is apologizing for a video that he had made 9 years ago where he was molesting a doll. Robin said he claims that it was a parody of Dexter that he made 9 years ago. He said Dan Harmon has apologized and he says there is no place for that kind of content on Adult Swim. Howard asked if he admitted it in a song.
Robin read a story about how Pepperidge Farms is recalling some goldfish because of contamination. Robin said they say that some of the flavors may have Salmonella. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how it's Wednesday or as Ronnie would say it's hump day. He said he has so much to talk about today. He said he was watching Robin's video on the app. He said Robin did a Kelly Clarkson song and they put out a video of it. He said Robin is something else. He said she's awesome. Robin said it's video gold. Howard said they're going to send it to Kelly Clarkson. He said when she opens up with that ''Since you've been gone'' that's his favorite.
Howard said they have that on the new SiriusXM app. He said he's proud that she put her singing career on hold to work with him.
Howard said he loves this Rob Zombie song. He said he's such a talented guy. He said they used to hang out in the summer but not so much anymore. He said time is running out. Robin asked what he's talking about. Howard said they're busy, busy, busy. He said he told Beth that Robin wanted to go to dinner with them and he told her that won't happen. He said Beth wants to make it happen. Robin said she'll run to wherever they're eating. Howard said watching him eat makes people nauseous. He said he slurps his food up like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly. He said he sucks his meal in. He said the look on Gena Davis' face is great in that scene. Robin said then he throws up his morsel of food. Howard said it was a guy he ate. Robin said he wasn't eating a guy at that point. Howard said he was kind of hot climbing on the ceiling but then he started to eat and he wasn't so hot.
Howard played Robin's version of Kelly Clarkson's song. Howard said Robin does all of the parts herself. He said it's like a Pentatonix song. Robin's voice was used for all of the instruments and sounds.
Howard dogs everywhere were howling during that song. Howard said Robin was in the studio recording songs from Queen. Robin said she has to apologize for what she did to those songs. Howard said they found that Demi Lovato had a heroin overdose. He said he finds that hard to believe. Robin said she has had a record of drug abuse. Howard said she was a Disney star. Robin said that doesn't mean anything. Howard asked what's with these kids. Robin said maybe Disney picks kids who go off the rails. Howard said Disney is a gateway drug. He said it's so funny because he read that headline and he wondered about her hit songs. He said he's not a big Demi Lovato guy but he sees she has a weight issue. He said he was kind of following that story line. He said the heroin thing took him by surprise.
Howard said Demi would talk about how she had a drug problem but her image doesn't match heroin. He said she seems like a goody two shoes. Robin said she was a bad girl. Howard said he finds it hard to believe those addict things. He said he still can't believe that people he knows are addicts.
Howard played Robin's version of the song ''Skyscraper.'' He said she has such emotion. He laughed at the end. He said good for you Robin.
Howard said Demi Lovato has had issues with bulemia and other things too. Robin said she was celebrating 6 years of sobriety recently and she must have fell off the wagon. Howard said he's sorry to hear that.
Robin said she was surprised that Simon Cowell wasn't chiming in on this story. Howard said that guy is a scumbag. He went off on him again about cheating on his wife and trying to steal his job on America's Got Talent.
Howard said he has Simon on the phone. He picked up and had fake Simon going off on him and asking to let him fuck Beth. Simon and Howard went back and forth with insults. Simon called him mop head. Howard called him sausage tits and things like that. Simon sang a song about how he likes to fuck wives. He said in England he likes to fuck wives on the other side of the bed. He asked Fred if his wife is home. Fred said not for him. Howard and fake Simon went at it for a little longer before Howard let him go.
Robin said she saw something from that show yesterday and it's really about special interests and not talent. Howard said they still have good ratings. Howard wondered how Howie is doing. He said he always felt that he would talk a lot and they're editing him out completely from what he hears. He said Howie should quit. He said he would never quit that show. He said he just keeps surviving. He said he likes Howie. He said he's a good dude.
Howard said he worked with all of them and he has no problem with them. He said everyone had great tits other than Howie.
Howard said he will bring in the panel later to clear out the computer. He took a call from a guy who asked what his sales pitch is to get someone in there they really want like Jeff Bezos or Mick Jagger. Howard said they don't really solicit for guests most of the time. He said if someone wants to promote something they'll have them in. He said maybe they want to get a word out on something and he's all up for that. He said he doesn't really have a pitch for Jeff Bezos or Mick Jagger. He said he's not sure if Mick would be a good interview or not. He said he would like to talk to him though. He said he wants to know how he wrote the songs he did. He said ''Wild Horses'' is great. Fred laughed when Howard recited a line. Howard asked what's funny. Fred said he found that line funny. Howard said maybe he has PBA like JD.
Howard said the song ''Memory Motel'' is another one. He said Mick is some guy. The caller said that's his sales pitch. Howard said Mick doesn't care what he thinks though. Howard had Fred play ''Moonlight Mile.'' He said he doesn't even care about ''Satisfaction.'' Howard said ''Moonlight Mile'' is really something. He wondered what Mick did while Keith was playing this for him. He said he has to sit down with him for a good 4 hours. He said they'll get talking. Howard said he has chills already listening to it. Fred said the song is about a nighttime cocaine session. Fred said they must have written it before they started tooting. He said that Mick Taylor did the guitar work on this one. Keith didn't make it to the recording session.
Howard said he used to bust Mick Taylor's balls. He said that he should have hailed that dude. He said he and Robin should do some coke and write a song.
Howard asked who gets the writing credit on that song. Fred said he'll have to look it up. Howard said what a song. He told Fred to turn it off.
Howard said he would love to have Mick or Keith in there. He said Jeff Bezos too. He said he loves Amazon. Gary said Jagger has been the toughest one. He said they almost had Keith. He said he doesn't do anything before noon. Howard told him to tell him to fuck off. He said just get up one day. Howard said he could do it at 9. He said if he was dying of cancer he'd get to the doctor at 9. Howard said come on man. He said try doing something new like being on a schedule for a day.
Howard said that song he loves from the X-pensive Winos was great. He said Keith should be in there. He said he's a fan of his solo stuff. He had Fred play his song ''Take it So Hard.'' Howard said this is a great song. He said it's the best Stones song that the Stones never made.
Howard asked if anyone knows what he's talking about. The caller said he hears him. Howard said the Stones should record this. He said Keith sometimes does this song in concert. He said you can find it on YouTube and you can see the guys performing the song.
Robin wondered what Mick does to piss off Keith. Howard said it's like that with him and Fred too. He said he and Fred have written tons of bits together. He said especially during the channel 9 show years. He said he'd look over at Fred and he'd see him at 4 in the afternoon and he has this pen in his mouth and he's chewing on it. He said he's trying to space out to get inspiration. He said then all of a sudden he'll come up with something. He said Fred is chewing on this god damn pen. He said that it was like watching a fly. He said it's not rational. He said it's an irritation.
Howard said Fred is so great chewing on that pen. He said that he has to take a shower to come up with ideas. He said Fred just chews on a pen. He said the Rolling Stones were coming out with a new song which was a cover of the Harlem Shuffle and they pretended to have the new record early and Fred went into a studio and recorded his own version of the song and pretended to be Mick. He said they played Fred's version of the song and the record companies heard it and thought that they had stolen it. He said they were threatened with lawsuits. Howard played Fred's version of the song and said it was great. Howard said the rival stations were all pissed off because they thought they had the record. He said this was in 1986. He said it was the Harlem Shuffle Hoax. Gary said Scott Muni called the record company and he sent over a Cease and Desist. He said they were in three different meetings and couldn't tell the difference.
Howard said Kid Kelly made a donation to the North Shore Animal League because they helped him get in. He said that was a nice letter. Howard said he imagines the hall of fame being like the dumpy radio stations he used to work in. He said that he's glad that it's just one wall. He said that's just like what radio is like.
Howard said he was amazed at how dumpy the stations were as he was working his way through the stations. He said that they were like his bedroom but worse. He said guys were doing cough syrup all night to get through their shows. He said it was crazy to see all of that.
Howard said he's amazed that anyone wants to get into the radio hall of fame. Robin said it's a step up being on the wall somewhere. The caller said it was nice to see Robin's picture up on the wall. Howard thanked her for the call.
Robin said she remembers when Wendy Williams announced it on her TV show that she was in the radio hall of fame and she cried. Howard said you'd cry if you saw the hall of fame.
Howard said that Kid Kelly keeps cornering their staff to thank them for what they did. Howard said they're getting annoyed about it now. Howard said you have to shut the fuck up already. He said that Gary got thanked like 20 million times. Gary said they have a staff on the 37th floor and he was asking who was involved. He said Kid caught him by the kitchen door the other day and he was so grateful. Howard said he heard he gave JD a foot massage. He was kidding about that.
Gary said Kid hugged him the other day. He said that was the first time he got a hold of him. He said he had to go to a meeting but Kid asked if he eats processed carbs. Gary said he eats everything. He said that he was telling him to change his diet. Gary said he was wondering what was going on.
Howard asked if it's true that he wants to blow Steve Nowicki. Gary said he wants to figure out how to thank everyone. Howard said he sent a donation to the North Shore Animal League and that's the best way to thank him.
Howard said he can stop thanking them. He said it's enough already. Gary said Brent is going to the induction in November. He said Brent is way into the hall of fame. Howard said maybe he can get him into it. Gary said he was showing him a picture of Howard's plaque on the wall. He said it's below someone's plaque. He said it's not even a plaque. He said it's a framed picture.
Brent came in and said that he hasn't been there but he has pictures. He said he thinks Howard should have a whole section of a wall. He said at the Rock and Roll hall of fame they have whole sections for the bands. He said Howard should have a big section. Howard said they're not big fans over there. Brent said he knows 4 of the people on the board and they are big fans of Howard's.
Gary said the whole radio hall of fame is in storage for the summer and none of them are on display. Brent said in 2019 you'll be able to see Kid Kelly's plaque. He said the induction is in Manhattan in November. He said he's happy for Kid. He said he's a good guy.
Howard said he would put that whole thing on the app but he doesn't think anyone would watch. Howard and Brent talked about some of the radio guys who should be in the hall of fame but aren't in. Howard asked if Bubba is in it. Brent said no. Howard asked if the Greaseman is in it. Brent said no. He said that he may have said some things that keep him out of it.
Howard said some of these guys get fired but then go right back to work a few months later. He said Imus was like that. Brent said that Greaseman was an odd guy. He said he has gone out to lunch with the guy. He said he was a strange guy. They talked about how he ended up in the Virgin Islands. They talked about some of the crazy things Greaseman said to get fired and how he ended up down there.
Howard was talking about call letters and how the letters WGOD aren't allowed. He said the worst was WWWW where he worked in Detroit. He said that they had to say the legal ID when they did the announces. He said they would say that the FCC Would remove their license. He said that's such bullshit. He said the FCC doesn't know anything that you're doing. Robin said they had them convinced that they had people listening out in the field. Howard said one day he was in the middle of a song and he didn't do the legal ID. He said he came up with the idea to do the call letters during a guitar break. Howard said he got reamed out for that by the station manager.
Howard said the FCC has no concept of what's going on. He said they're really understaffed. Howard said he knew a guy who turned himself into the FCC for doing something wrong. Howard said this guy was the guy who said he was so bad he refused to pay him. He said one day he walked in and said he had screwed up. He said on Sunday mornings they had public service programming. He said he would be interviewing the local mayor or something. He said when he recorded it he was in the studio and he did an intro and made a mistake saying ''oh fuck'' and forgot to edit it out. He said at Sunday morning at 5 in the morning that aired. He said this guy thought the FCC was coming for him. He said he was sweating and said he was going to write the FCC a letter. He said the guy thought they had field operatives who would catch him. He said that he composed a letter to the FCC and said he had made a terrible error. He said the guy admitted to everything he did. Howard said the guy sent it in and never even got a response.
Howard said he should find the guy and prank call him saying it's the FCC looking for him for something he did 40 years ago. He said the guy is probably dead by now. Robin said that the threat of the FCC was that you were going to lose your job. He said that's it. Howard said that's such a terrible thing.
Gary said they had a radio station with the worst call letters of KOME. He said they used to make cum jokes. Howard said that's funny stuff. He said that's not the worst call letters. He kicked Gary out of there. Howard said those are great call letters. He said back in the 80s they'd kill for those call letters. Howard said he should fire Gary over that. He said KOME are great call letters. He asked if he's right. Robin said absolutely. Robin said bad call letters are WXRK and they called it K-Rock. Howard said that's right. He told Gary to take that back. Gary took it back. Howard beat that out of Gary. He said Gary just wanted something to say. He said the guy can't help but talk. He and Fred did their impressions of Gary talking about KOME.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has evolved into a the greatest interviewer of all time. He said some of the gusts are really reserved and he hardly even curses when he's interviewing some. He asked about Robert De Niro who has a political agenda so why isn't he doing the show. Howard said it took the guy an hour to ask that question. Howard said ban him from the show. Howard did an impression of the caller after hanging up on him. He went through the long question process. Howard said he's more out of it than Gary. Howard goofed on Gary again after that. He said that he only wishes he had the call letters of KOME. He said they could say ''Don't touch that dial. It has KOME all over it.'' He said you could wake up with KOME in your ear.
Howard said the worst call letters are WWWW. He said that's too hard to say. He said even their t-shirts sucked. He said they were last in the ratings. He said they were up against a station called WRIF. He said that's the greatest call letters. He said that they were WWWW against that. He said just say W. He it's the worst letter and it's awful call letters. Howard said they were dead last in the ratings.
Howard said he wishes he could have worked at WRIF. He said that he'd say he was a DJ and he'd have to say he was on WWWW. He said they'd ask if it was still on the air.
Howard asked Gary what the best call letters are for a station. Gary said whatever Howard thinks is good is what he thinks is good. Howard said he's upset about that whole thing. He said he's such a good teacher that Gary finally learned. He said that he teaches so kids feel good about themselves. Howard said this is how his father taught him. He said he'd just go over things over and over again for days. Gary said he's blessed because Howard is done in an hour. Howard said his father would lecture him about everything. He said he is able to teach Gary in the way his father taught him. Howard said that's how you teach kids.
Howard had an old KOME spot from 1978. He played the clip and they did a ''old KOME spot'' joke. Howard said that's why they were great call letters. Howard said imagine doing that in 1978. He said Ronnie loves that. Fred had clips of Ronnie laughing. Howard said Gary thought that was lame. He played more of their jingle. Howard said their ratings were through the roof. He said he didn't believe Gary when he said that. Robin said he must have mis-spoke like the president. Howard asked if he wanted to redact that. Gary said as Sal would say he'd like to be cut out of the replay. Howard said he had to spend a half hour teaching Gary about that.
Howard said he will take one more call and then take a break and get to the guys with their stuff. Howard said he has some great stuff to play today. He said the guys have their computer list and all of that. The caller said he quit an amazing job to make more money and the new job really sucks. Howard asked if he's getting pressure from his wife. The caller said she wants him to do what makes him happy.
Howard said he knows a guy who had the greatest fucking job and he woke up every day with a smile on his face. He said the guy's wife hated where they lived. He said the guy went and got a job with a shit company and now he's miserable. He said they live in a great location though. He said the wife and kids are happy. He said the guy is miserable. He said he did it for his wife and kids. He said it wasn't even for more money. He said it had a happy ending. He said the guy went out and found a new job with the old company but in the new location. Howard said he knows it's the worst being miserable at work. He said his point is that if he's that miserable he has to get out and find a new job. Robin asked if he can go back. the caller said he was thinking about doing that. He said it's way less money though. Robin said he has to decide if the money or happiness is more important.
The caller said that his job is a writer and he went from a fun place to a really corporate place. He said that it's just miserable. Howard said he never left miserable jobs. He said he'd stay there as long as he could. He said when you're really miserable you want to get out.
Howard asked how much less money it is. The caller said it's 15,000 more at the new job. Howard said that's a lot of coin. The caller said he asked for it thinking they wouldn't give it to him. Howard said what he would do is look for a new job. He said that he has to be careful though because he just switched jobs. the caller said he's only been there 3 weeks.
Howard said he has Pete's boss on the phone. He took his call and the guys in the back were doing the voice of his boss who said he's fired and he's also fucking Pete's wife. Pete said he didn't think things could get worse. Howard said it sounds like his boss is Simon Cowell.
Howard said maybe the job will get better if he gives it a chance. He said maybe he should look for a new gig. Gary said he's very happy there. He said he just wanted him to know. Howard asked if Gary has lost his mind. Gary said he's just saying that he's very happy at work. Howard said he's lost his fucking mind. Howard told Pete to just look for a new job.
Robin said she's looking at the KOME web site and they had a guy named Dennis Erectus who worked there. Howard said he was very dirty. He said he worked with that guy. Robin said he had a heart attack in 2006 and never recovered. Howard said their morning guy was Cousin Clitoris. Robin said Dennis died in 2012. Howard said he did a bit and they compared him to Dennis Erectus. Howard said there was also Jerry Jizz Stain.
Howard asked Gary if he loves working there. Gary said he fucking loves it. Robin said Gary must love this attention. She said he had moved off of that and he called attention to himself again. Howard said he loves Gary. He said he's a good dude. He said sometimes he has to tell him what's funny.
Howard said Dennis Erectus died at 61 years of age. He said he hopes they put him in the radio hall of fame. Howard came up with more goofy names for the DJs at KOME. Howard asked Gary what's up with his coughing. He said it seems to be gone. Gary said he doesn't know. He said he took the medication and he just tried stopping the clearing of the throat. Howard said he puts cayenne pepper in his water every morning. Gary said he's been doing that for 5 years. He said it sort of clears the throat. Howard said not really. He said that's probably why he's irritated. Howard said he continues to do it even though it wasn't working. Gary said that's his opinion that it's not working. Howard said it wasn't working. He said he was out of control with this throat clearing.
Jason said they haven't noticed a difference out there. He said it's white noise to them out there. He said they don't really notice.
Howard said he had Gary stand in his office while he tried to take a nap with Gary's white noise. He said they call it Green Noise.
Howard said Gary is getting hammered today. He asked why. Gary said Howard is the one holding the hammer. Howard said his psychiatrist thinks that it's because he's going away for the month of August. He said that his shrink won't be around and he can't control this. Howard said whoever is goofing on Gary, stop it or you're fired. Gary said good job. Howard said nip that shit in the bud. He asked people not to write letters to him about being nicer to Gary. He said it's an uncontrollable need to educate him.
Howard said he wishes he could take medication for this. He said that bad call letters thing set him off. He said he should have let it slip. Gary said he wishes they had a guest today. Howard said he can't get off of that KOME thing. He said that made him fucking crazy. He said he can't get off it. He said 5 minutes later Gary is interrupting him to tell him that he's happy at work. Howard said he's sorry for going off on Gary. He said everyone please stop making fun of Gary.
Howard said the cayenne pepper thing drove him nuts too. Fred said that can cause a runny nose so that would make it worse. Howard said he might be getting acid reflux from that too. He said maybe that's the whole chain of it all. They played a song parody with Gary's throat clearing clips in it. Howard laughed at that.
Gary said Robin used to use cayenne pepper in a drink. Robin said she didn't have a phlegm problem though. Gary said they say it's good for you to drink it in the morning. He said they say it's a good headache fix too but he has two that he can't get rid of.
Howard said he just set him off. He said he's sorry about that. Robin asked how long he's going to take his medication. Howard said he's not sure. He said that Gary will keep taking it even if it doesn't help. Howard played another song parody with Gary's throat clearing clips in it. Howard said keep going.
Howard said they say that cayenne pepper is a leading cause of heart burn. Howard asked Gary what he's reading. Gary said he's looking at an article right there. Gary said they say it helps stop stomach pains and things like that. Howard said it causes heartburn though. Jason said there are benefits and negatives for it. He said heartburn is one of the negatives. Howard said Gary has acid reflux so that has to be the cause. Howard said they don't say that it helps with phlegm. Gary said it clears congestion. Howard said he's out of this. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said maybe the email is going to her spam. Robin said if she was sorting her email she would send that to spam. Robin took a look for the email.
Howard said yesterday they were talking about JD laughing for no reason. Someone called in and said he might have Pseudobulbar Affect. Howard said they did a test online and they say if you score 13 or higher you might have this PBA. He said that JD scored a 22. He said JD might have Pseudobulbar Affect.
Howard read about this PBA test and what they ask. Howard said JD talked about how he tears up for no reason and that's one of the symptoms. Howard said JD scored very high so maybe he suffers from this. Robin said she immediately thought of JD when she saw that.
Howard said he would think it's odd that you just start laughing for no reason. Robin said he's been doing it his whole life though. Howard said JD will just start laughing at nothing in the hall. JD said he has an easy sense of humor.
Robin said she is unable to find anything with Dr. Drew. She said he's lying. Gary said he'll ask him off the air what he's emailing to. Robin said he is lying. Howard said he knows that Robin has missed a few things from him. Robin said she did a search and nothing came up. Howard asked if he's plotting against her. Robin said she thinks so. She said he's trying to make her look bad.
Howard said he knew Drew was up to something. Robin said she wrote a whole book about it. She said that he said she scored higher than anyone in history in the narcissism test. Robin said you don't base conclusions on one test when you do research. Robin said she's not going to go to lunch with him if he lies about her all the time.
Robin said she saw Drew on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and stared to go down to say something to him but she decided she was busy. Howard said she just doesn't want to go to lunch with him. Robin said she would have when he first asked but this is years now. Howard said it is crazy. Robin said it's not her, it's him. She said he's the one who really doesn't want it to happen.
Howard said he just got the internet but he doesn't know what to do with it. Howard played a clip of Shuli asking what he's doing on the internet. Bigfoot said he doesn't know what to do with it. He said he might try to find a girlfriend for himself. Shuli asked if he'll look at porn. Bigfoot said maybe pussy porn but not cock porn. Shuli said that he has the internet now. Bigfoot said he's going to turn down the TV now. Shuli said that's much better but Bigfoot didn't hear him.
Howard said they learned that he is confused 115 percent of the time. Howard said this guy barely eats so how is he going to figure out the internet. He said they're probably still on AOL up there. Gary said the people who are squatting in his house are the ones who put the internet in. Robin said they're never leaving are they. Howard said they are squatting and they will never leave.
Robin said from what she understands they are living there and put in internet. Robin asked if he can sponge off their internet. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard played another clip of Shuli asking Bigfoot about the internet and if he has tried it yet. Bigfoot kept saying ''Huh?'' and not hearing Shuli. Bigfoot put Heather on the phone. He knocked on her door but she was sleeping. Shuli said that she's one of the squatters. He said it's come to the point where he's okay with them because he can't get rid of them.
Shuli said that Bigfoot is like their sugar daddy. He said that he uses his government money for weed though. Shuli said he has to scream to Bigfoot so Brent has to leave the office when he calls him.
Howard played another clip of Shuli talking to Bigfoot and Bigfoot isn't hearing him and keeps saying ''Huh?'' He said he can barely hear him. Shuli said he wants to keep in touch but Bigfoot didn't understand him. Howard said he's thinking he's holding the phone upside down.
Howard said he remembers when man went up into space and it was easier to communicate with people.
Shuli said sometimes he'll call the squatters will answer and say that Bigfoot is out pan handling. Howard said he'd be afraid of that guy. He said that they must be brave people. Robin said they probably realize that he doesn't do anything with his size.
Howard played a clip of Shuli asking Bigfoot what his favorite things are. He said his favorite food is ''azanya.'' He told Shuli about the music he likes and how he hasn't bought any recently. Howard said those are a few of his favorite things. Shuli said he can call him with no agenda and something will come up. He said that him and Tan Mom.
Howard said that Eli Braden wrote a song parody about Bigfoot. He played that for everyone. He said he has to take a break and get to the Tan Mom beauty pageant stuff. He said that he'll bring the guys in for that. He said he'll have to have Shuli back in to do his Tan Mom impression.
Howard said Tan Mom called yesterday but she called in so late. Shuli said he told her to call in earlier. Howard said she was part of this beauty battle and she wanted to tell him that she didn't get paid.
Howard asked Shuli if he talked to her about that. Shuli said she did and she said this is the third time she did something that she didn't get paid for. Howard said that they probably said she'd get paid if they had some viewers. Howard said JD saw but it got cut off at the end. Howard said JD bought it and it cut off just as they were about to announce the winner. He said JD paid for it twice and he has to come in and tell the rest of that story. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Robin said she's surprised that Richard never brought them up. Howard said he's not in there and don't come in. Howard played more of their music and said they're not bad. He said he should interview them if he can't get Mick Jagger. He said it is a catchy name. He said Gary said he's not sure if that's such a catchy name.
Howard said he has the boys in the studio. He said he has Benjy, Chris, Gary, Jason, JD, Sal and Steve. Howard said he was saying that JD was good enough to tape the Tan Mom special on Pay-per-view. He said JD may have been the only one to pay for that. JD said he may have been. He said he had a 2 hour window to watch the show and he started 15 minutes early. He said they cut him off before it was over. He said he tried to get it the next day and it wasn't available. Howard said JD paid for it himself and he doesn't have to do that. JD said it was just 5 bucks or something. Howard said he doesn't have to pay for that. Howard gave JD 5 bucks to pay him back. Gary said it was actually 12 bucks because he did it twice.
Howard had Tan Mom on the phone. He asked if she called them. Tan Mom took a second to say ''Hi!'' She said she called yesterday and they were just blabbering on again. Howard said he's not sure why they called her. He didn't ask for that.
Howard asked Tan Mom if she didn't get paid. She said she won... Howard said ''Ohhh...'' He was hoping to play it up before giving away the ending. Howard said he didn't ask the guys to call her. He let Tan Mom go and said he'll handle all of this. He said you get her on and it's insane.
Howard said Tan Mom was up against someone named Pale Mom. He said that's what the name of the special was. JD said it was actually called something else. Howard said it was Tan Mom and Pale Mom being made over. He said that you watch them being made up the whole time. JD said that the last part was like an hour long and it was boring so he was playing Madden or something while it was on.
JD said they had 3 different battles going on with different makeup artists. Shuli said they were doing makeup, hair and lips. JD said he doesn't even know.
Howard said he has a clip of Tan Mom explaining what the whole battle is about. Howard said he even loves her real name Patricia Krentcil. He said that she just says ''Oh whatever'' after saying that. Howard played more of her talking about this Battle of the Beauty or Beauty of the Battle. She was talking about how she never wore this makeup but he has tried it. Howard said she's really doing a great job talking this up.
Howard and Shuli did their impressions of Tan Mom. Howard played more audio of Tan Mom talking about her lips being done the next day and how excited she was about that. Howard said they've met someone now who is just as articulate as JD.
Howard and Shuli were doing their Tan Mom voices. Howard said he would have watched this thing. He said it should have been the biggest thing ever. Howard said they probably told her to give certain points and she skipped over them. Gary asked if she really just turned 50. Howard said come on Gary. He said go clear your throat with cayenne pepper.
Howard said he thinks they were hoping that she'd be angry but she was in a good mood that night. He said they tried to fuck with her and the host asked who would win and the audience cheered for Pale Mom more. Tan Mom said she didn't care. JD said they hinted that they wanted her to drink that night. Howard said this goes horribly wrong. Shuli said they wanted her to be Bruce Banner turning into Hulk.
Howard played a clip of the host asking the audience who they think will win. It sounded like 15 people in the audience. They cheered for Pale Mom over Tan Mom. Tan Mom said she's just happy to be around them. She said everyone is beautiful so she can't explain it. Howard said he pictures the producer asking what the fuck this is. Howard said the guy who drempt that up is pulling the hair out of his head.
Chris said he ants to know more about Pale Mom. Shuli said she has something to do with the station that put this together. He said it's like they just pulled a random woman to compete. He did more of his Tan Mom voice.
Howard said at the end of the special they announced that Tan Mom was the winner. He said she didn't even get thrilled about that. JD said she did get emotional about it. Howard said this is Tan Mom's reaction to the win. Howard played the clip and the host was very excited. Howard said she won because she looked like Emily Ratajkowski after the makeover.
Howard said he's pretty sure this isn't the Tan Mom they were looking for. Steve said they got Calm Mom. Steve said she looked like a frog after the lip injections she got.
Howard said he has some clips of Shuli talking to Tan Mom. Howard said she was shocked when she found out Sal has shoved some things up his ass. Sal said they should have put her up against his wife in that beauty pageant. He said that would have pissed her off.
Howard played some audio of Tan Mom finding out about Sal shoving things up his ass. She said that he's not fun anymore and something happened to him. She said maybe he needs more plugs in his head. She said she thinks that he's putting a lot more in his ass than a tooth brush. She also found it odd that he's not tan. Gary said Sal is pretty tan.
Howard said he thinks they were hoping that Tan Mom would freak out. He said she and Milf Mom almost came to blows in their studio. He said that's what they were looking for. JD said they tried to bring that up on the show but Tan Mom said she didn't want to talk about it.
Benjy said that Page Six is reporting that Howard Stern put this thing together. Howard said he doesn't even know this guy. He said he's been on the show but he didn't reach out to him. Benjy said that's what they're reporting. Howard asked if they care at all about being accurate. Howard said that's weird.
Howard took a call from a guy named Andrew and asked if he wanted to win some money. Andrew said he would like to play. The guy hung up.
Howard went to Rick and asked if he wanted to play. Rick said yes. Howard said they're going to play the Tan Mom game. He said they have 500 bucks from Boll and Branch to give away. Howard said everyone loves this game. He said they have played it before.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would judge different things. He said they asked her if she would judge the hottest pedophile and things like that. Howard asked Rick if he gets the idea. Rick said yes. Howard asked if he's alright. Rick said he's fine.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would host the Hottest Serial Killer contest. Rick said he's going to say that she would judge that. Howard played Tan Mom's answer and she said she would definitely judge that.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would host the Biggest Asian Cock contest. Rick said yes she would. Howard played Tan Mom's answer and she said that she would not do that. She doesn't want to see anyone's private parts.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would host the Hottest Burn Victim contest. Rick said he will say she would not host that one because she's the second hottest burn victim. Howard played Tan Mom's answer which was yes, she would. She said she would say they are abused every day and burned every single day. Howard said oh no. The caller asked what the fuck happened.
Howard said he has two wrong and one right now. He said Rick has to be careful here. He said he has to get this next one right. He said think logically and then pick the other answer. Howard said he has to really try here. Rick said he is disabled so this will help if he wins. Rick said he needs some weed for stimulation.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would host a children with AIDS beauty pageant. Rick said he's going to say yes. Howard had Fred lock him in. Howard asked if he's thinking like a person with a plate in his head. Rick said that's the only thing he doesn't have in his body. Howard played Tan Mom's answer and she said she would because she loves children and AIDS is a disease that nobody in the government will help. Howard said Rick has 2 right and 2 wrong and it comes down to the last question.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would host the Hottest Dead Fetus pageant. Rick said he's going to say she will say no way. Howard played Tan Mom's answer and she said she would judge that. She said they use those babies for experiments. Rick said ''What?!'' Howard said Rick blew it. He said no weed for him. Rick pretended to cry. Howard asked what happened. He told him to think the opposite. Rick said he was. Howard said Tan Mom said she would judge that dead fetus contest. Jason said she really understands all of the issues. Howard said he wants to give him the money. He wished him well but he can't give him the money. Gary said if he really feels for him they can give him one shot at a Wendy the Slow Adult Dead or Alive game and give him one shot at it. Howard said they should stick to the rules and not give it to him. He said that's what most of the people are saying. Rick said Howard always gives people a second chance. Howard hung up on him. He said he couldn't take it.
Howard said he does have to give away the money so he took a call from a guy named Adam. He had him play the Wendy Dead or Alive game. Howard said they asked Wendy about celebrities and she has to tell them if she thinks they're dead or alive. Howard said he'll throw out the name Frank Sinatra. Adam said he thinks Wendy will say he's alive. Howard said he hopes he's right. He wants to get rid of this money already. Howard played Wendy's answer which was ''Alive.'' She said that he's a singer and he's still singing. Howard gave Adam the $500 prize. Howard said he's exhausted. He put Adam on hold to get his money. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he loves that song. He said it's beautiful. He asked if Robin is liking this. Robin said of course she is. Howard said it's beautiful music. JD laughed because Sal was singing. Howard told Sal to stop it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening since he was a sophomore and this has to be the best he's been in 15 years. He said his favorites were Evil Dave trying to say the Boston Bomber's name and Sal's Justin Bieber ''Dell'Abito'' song. Howard said maybe if he plays that every day the show will be on fire. The caller asked him to play it for him and let him see Gary's face on the SiriusXM app. Gary said it wasn't a Justin Bieber song. Sal said it was Justin Bieber and Luis Fonsi. Howard said he'll do what the caller asked. He said he'll put the camera on Gary and play the song parody. Howard had the guys set that up. They played the song while they had Gary on camera apparently.
Howard said the last few lines put it over the top. He said today hasn't been Gary's day. He said that guy earlier yelling at Gary about KOME was rough.
the caller said he also loved Evil Dave trying to say the Boston bomber's name. Howard asked what that was. They looked it up and said it was Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. Howard said they asked Evil Dave to say it. Howard played the clip of Dave trying to say it. He didn't get it right.
Howard said he can't believe that Dave died. Jason said that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has been sentenced to death. Howard said what a douche. He said imagine plotting to blow people up. Robin said yeah, really brave. Howard said he won't go to any marathon now. He said he's not brave.
Howard asked how soon they can get that clip up on the app. He said they have a quick team who can get it up in a month. Howard said he's not getting any sign. He said everyone is running away. He said it says for sure by 2030. He got a note saying it will be on by the end of the show, in an hour or so. Sal said Gary should be thanking him because he's making him a star today. Robin said she's reading that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was beat up in prison. She said that it looked like he had slipped on a banana peel and his head may have bounced off the hard surface 16-17 times.
Howard said they asked people on the street if they would rather sleep with Howard Stern or Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and they were picking Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. Howard played a clip but it wasn't that bit.
Howard said that guy Jonah Falcon who had the biggest penis is back around. He said he tried to start a sports talk show but that didn't work out. That was called Talking Yankees. JD said he went from that to Talking Xbox. Howard said he has a clip of Jonah. He played that phony phone call the guys made to him on his Talking Yankees show. They kept asking him how big his cock was. Howard said the guy has a 13 inch penis. Howard said he thought Robin was attracted to him. Robin said she never said that. Robin said who was fascinated was George Takei. Howard said they had a bachelor party for George and Jonah was the gift. He said George really liked that. Howard played a clip of George talking to Jonah on the show and stroking his penis. Howard said that was when George was fun. He said he's minding his Ps and Qs these days. Robin gave an update on Dzhokhar Tsarnaev who wasn't actually beaten up.
Howard had a clip of Jonah Falcon talking about his 13 inch penis in an interview. Jonah said that when people grab his cock it's like grabbing a limb. He said he has had sex with celebrities and they actually seek him out. He said that he has to go through security checks and he has to explain about why he has such a big cock. Howard said yeah, that's such a terrible thing. Howard asked how they think he feels when they say ''Excuse me ma'am'' after he goes through a body scan.
Steve said that his voice doesn't match his penis. He said that you'd think he'd have a deep voice like God.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who said last time he was up there he noticed that Gary was pacing back and forth before going into the studio. He said for a fan it was exciting to see him clearing his throat. He said the weird thing was that he stuck his head in the green room to cough all over the place. Howard said he does that to deaden the sound. Howard asked Gary why he does that. Gary said he does it to make it quieter. Robin said he's coughing into a space that they invite people into.
Howard said maybe shut the door before he does it. Gary said he doesn't have time all the time. Howard said Gary has a real issue with the throat clearing. He said it's become a condition of the brain. Gary wondered how that happened. Howard said he had to say something to him about it. He said that he had to do that. Gary said he really didn't have to.
Howard said it's funny that he clears his throat in the green room since phlegm is green. Howard asked Wolfie what happened. Wolfie said that here were other guys in the room and they all started laughing. He said he wonders if he does that when there are real celebrities in there. Gary said he just clears his throat. Wolfie said there were some coughs in there too. He said he doe that ''Uhhgg, Uhhgg'' sound. Howard said he shouldn't cough into the green room. Wolfie said he raises his arm like he's going to cough into it but then he coughs over it and right into the room.
Wolfie said he acts like he's going to be polite and then he's not. He said any fan would pay to see that. He said it was awesome. Jason said that's like getting a Hey Now from Howard in the hall. Howard said he doesn't think it's the same thing. He said Will once told him that Gary cleared his throat in his face. He said in a way he was marking his territory.
Will came in and said that Gary was coming around the corner and he was clearing his throat as he came around the corner. He said he wasn't really looking at what he was doing. He said he got blasted with hot air in his face. Howard said it's like chemical warfare. Jason said there wasn't a hand in front of Gary's face. Will said he felt the hot air. He said it was his typical hack. Will said he can see he's getting angry now.
Robin said she has to say that he has never done that to her. Will said he was like ''Come on man.'' He said if you're going to hack then do it privately.
Howard played a song from Bobby The Chorizo Guy where he sings about Gary's phlegm. Will said he loves that guy.
Howard said Gary is really getting it today. Jason said he thinks Gary doesn't know when he's doing things so who knows if he's coughing in front of celebrities. Howard said Wolfie is really giving it to him. Gary said he's an asshole. He said he just needs his air time. He said he's a typical Wack Packer. He said he needs that air time to function.
Howard said he didn't get to everything this week but it was a good week. He said they have so much material in the computer. He said that they'll get to it next quarter. He said they're always adding stuff to the computer.
Benjy said there is something that Gary does. He said his jaw muscle is constantly moving. He said he's not sure if it's a nervous thing. He said maybe it's making spittle. He said you see that muscle going in and out. Gary said he's not doing anything. Howard had him turn to the side to see. Benjy told him to relax. Howard had him point it out. Benjy said he can't see it now. He said he has to relax. Howard said maybe that's where the mucus is coming from. Gary asked if this show is going to fucking end. Benjy told Howard there it goes. Howard said he thinks he sees something. Benjy told him to relax. Gary said he is relaxed. Sal said it's like a bullfrog. Howard said he feels like they're in the wild and observing like Jane Goodall. Howard said he feels like an anthropologist. Howard told everyone to be quiet, Gary is breathing. Howard said that's enough of this. He said they'll observe him later. He asked Gary if he'll take his clothes off so they can observe him closer.
Howard thanked Benjy, Chris, Jason and JD for coming in. Howard said that JD's bachelor party is coming up. Benjy said there's something else. He said not everyone was invited. He said he knows there are people who weren't invited. Howard said he would get into that but he wants to get to news. Sal said he was invited. Howard said no one cares about Steve Nowicki. He said he didn't get to his stuff this week. Howard thanked the guys and wrapped up the staff panel. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said this is Ronnie the Robot 6.9. Ronnie said he has some facts about Robin. He said her boobs are big... ''Boop, bop, beep.'' He had some antennas that were actually dildos. Howard asked if that's the thing he put in his ass. Ronnie said yes.
Howard said he has to get to some news. He had a song about Robin to get that started. Robin started her news with a story about a guy in Georgia who had to resign from his spot after appearing on the Sacha Baron Cohen show ''Who is America.'' Robin said this guy did an Asian impression and yelled out the N-word. Robin said his name is Jason Spencer. Howard said the guy comes off as slightly retarded in the show. Robin said he was pretending to be a Chinese tourist in one clip. Howard had the clip. Robin asked why anyone would do that no matter who asks you to do it. Howard had another clip of Sacha asking the guy how he would attract attention if he was under attack. He asked the guy to attract attention and the guy starts yelling out the N-word. Ronnie the Robot said ''Warning! N-word detected!'' Robin had more of this guy Jason Spencer using the N-word. Howard said he's surprised he resigned. He said he thought he'd stay in office. Robin said he may have been convinced by his fellow law makers and the governor of the state. Howard said the good news is that he'll judge the next Tan Mom contest. Robin said he's resigning at the end of the month. Howard said Sacha's new show is so good.
Robin read a story about Demi Lovato and how her drug problem isn't a surprise. Robin said that she's awake after her apparent drug overdose. Robin said she was rushed to the hospital after being found unconscious in her home yesterday. Robin said she was supposed to appear in Atlantic City this weekend but now they're looking for a replacement. Robin said she has a new song called ''Sober'' and it kind of leads you to believe she wasn't so sober. Robin had Howard play the song.
Howard said Ronnie the Robot is freaking him out. Ronnie said that he wants Siri to be proud of his hole. Howard said it's really creepy. He said he might not be able to read. He said he's going to have a meeting later today. He asked him to read his line again. Ronnie tried reading his line but he cracked up in the middle of it. He said he wants Siri to pound on his hole with a spinning strap on.
Robin read more about Demi Lovato and what her fans and former co-stars are saying about this. Howard said Ronnie the Robot is also saying something about her. Ronnie had some other things to say about that. Howard said he's story to hear about this. He said keep kids away from Disney. He said it seems like kids who go into acting get caught up in that stuff. He said it has to be hard to score heroin if you're that famous. Robin said they'll bring it to her. She said there are people who want to be a part of something and they'll do anything for you. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked if they can have Ronnie the Robot in whenever they want to talk to Ronnie. She said that he's more fun. Ronnie fucked up a line again. Howard said he may have an illiteracy virus. Ronnie read his line again and said he doesn't remember what the point of this bit was.
Robin read a story about the opioid crisis and how it's happening in animals too. Robin said that it's not coming from veterinarians though. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how people are abusing it and they won't prescribe it to pets. Robin said it's the owner's trash that's getting animals addicted. Robin said there are a lot of things you can do to help your pet if they do ingest your drugs. Ronnie the Robot said last night he overdosed on pussy juice.
Robin read a story about Ivanka Trump closing down her fashion brand. Robin said things took a turn for the worse last year when Nordstrom stopped carrying her line. Robin said Ivanka says she's doing this to be fair to her partners and to concentrate on her work in Washington. Ronnie the Robot was having trouble reading his lines. Howard asked him to start over. Ronnie kept saying ''Ivanka fuck her butt.'' Robin said it's a play on words. She said it's like ''I vanna fuck her butt.'' Howard wasn't getting it. Robin read more about Ivanka's clothing line shut down. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said this robot is just staring at him and it's freaking him out. Ronnie the Robot said something about seeing another robot shit in a robot's mouth. Howard said they have created the dumbest robot on earth.
Robin read a story about the Michael Cohen tapes that were released yesterday. Robin had Howard play the audio of the recordings that Cohen made of his conversations with Trump. Robin said there wasn't much of anything mentioned in it. Howard said it's so boring. Robin said what's interesting is that they were going to set up a company to buy the rights to the Playboy playmate's story. Robin said they wanted Trump to control the rights and they were going to set up a shell company to do that. Robin said she's not sure if that's illegal but that's what they were up to. Howard said when Donald gets laid it turns into a whole thing. Howard said it's crazy what this guy is into. Howard said they know Donald and he's kind of proud that he gets hot chicks. Robin said he should just pay up front and they won't talk. Howard said this has to be embarrassing to Trump because he has to pay all of these woman. Robin said he tweeted this morning about how he doesn't get how a lawyer tapes his clients. Howard said never mind that, what kind of guy has to pay all of these women. He said that he's right about the lawyer taping him. Robin said Cohen claims he didn't get paid so he taped him. Maybe he was going to write a book.
Robin read a story about Trump and his trade war. Robin said he's telling everyone to just be cool and wait. She said he thinks he knows what he's doing and everything will work out.
Robin said the president's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is destroyed. Robin said that the suspect may have reported the crime himself.
Howard took a call from Ham Hands Bill and asked where he's been. Bill said that he was calling because of Gary's acid reflux thing. He said he had it too and he had to stop taking the pills. He said he has been boiling parsley leaves into tea to help with his acid reflux. Howard told Bill to be sure to call back in a year. He said they've missed him. Howard let Bill go and said it was great to hear from him.
Howard asked Ronnie the Robot if he has something to say. Ronnie said he wants Ham Hands Bill to peg him. Howard said they're not going to hear from Ronnie the Robot anymore after today. He said everyone said it was a bit hit but he's not so sure.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump talking about the duck boat that sank. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that. He gave his thoughts and prayers for those who were lost.
Howard said he got a lot of email about the duck boat thing. He said it's not a boat that looks like a duck. Robin said she has seen boats that look like that. Howard said it's not that. He looked for the email. He said he's going to put Ronnie the Robot on that boat.
Howard went through his email and didn't find the duck boat thing. Fred said they were all wrong anyway. He said that it was a vehicle that goes in the water and in the land and the DUK all stands for something. Fred said that it's not about a duck. He said that they make them look like ducks but that's not it. Gary said they're boats that can drive on land. Howard said he believed Robin when she said that they are boats that look like ducks. Robin said she saw them in Boston. Howard said it's not one of those.
Howard said Dr. Drew just produced email that he sent to Robin. Robin said she doesn't have them in her email. Gary said he just looked at one and he knows it's the right address. He said one was from late March. Robin said she never saw it. She said it's not in her inbox now.
Robin read a story about how America's roadways deserve a D because they're in such poor shape. Howard asked if roads in other countries are better than ours. Robin said they must be. Howard said he can't imagine that. Robin had audio of a guy talking about how this is unacceptable and they have a coalition that is working to make them better. Howard said Trump wanted to make that happen. He said years ago he fixed the Wolman rink for like 2 million. He said if he fixed this it would get people behind him. Howard said he knows people want to nail him on this Russian collusion thing but if he did this maybe he could get support. Howard said he should do that.
Robin read a story about the Mega millions jackpot being won by one person. Robin said it was like $522 million at the time. Robin said the lump sum payout is $300 million. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a worker at the California DMV who is accused of sleeping on the job. Robin said this person slept for thousands of hours. She was sleeping for 3-4 hours a day the whole time she worked there. Robin said her bosses were aware of her sleeping and they had no idea just how much she was getting. Robin said they say she has been given a warning to stay awake. Robin said it cost the government thousands of dollars and the lines were kept long because of that.
Howard said think about how much time they lost to Gary sleeping at work. He said he read that it actually cost nothing.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who told Robin to confront Dr. Drew today on the Wrap Up Show. She said that she has to do that. Howard thought she was saying Dr. Jew. Mariann kept saying it and Howard kept thinking she was saying Jew. Howard asked Robin if she's going to stoping or not. Robin said it's a bad day for it. She won't be going in there.
Robin read a story about how Roseanne is going to go on Sean Hannity's show for her first time back on TV. Howard said he was hoping she'd come in there. Robin said she hopes she's not going to spend the whole time blaming others. Howard said maybe she can go on every other show after that.
Robin read a story about a Jimi Hendrix street that will be in Greenwich Village. Howard said Jimi changed everything. He said so did the Beatles. He said Jimi changed the way people played guitar. Fred said that it changed the way people approached playing guitar. Howard asked Ronnie the Robot if he's right. Ronnie said he is right.
Robin read a story about a new album that Yoko Ono has a new album coming out. Ronnie the Robot said he's removing his ears for this. Howard had some of one of her songs to play. Howard said he likes it. He played more of the song and said ''Cool.'' He said that she sounds like she's singing ''Men flashing their dongs and balls.'' Robin said it's guns and balls. Howard played more of the song. Robin read some more details about the new album.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard wrapped up with Ronnie the Robot. Ronnie said it's time to go. He said this thing has run its course. Howard said goodbye to Ronnie the Robot. Ronnie was leaving and he ran into the wall. Howard said he'll show this on the app. Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 10:55am.