Howard started the show talking to Robin about the opening song. Robin said she wishes she knew what this guy was singing about. Howard said the guys there were talking about the new Halloween movie and most of the guys thought it was horrible but Richard thought it was great. He said there's also a controversy about Ronnie. He said he has a photo he uses for appearances and whoever did it put his head on Dean Cain's body. He said it's a picture of Ronnie on Dean's body. He said Ronnie is denying that it occurred. He said that it's the same arms and shirt and everything. He said that Ronnie denies it. He said you know it'd Dean's body.
Ronnie came in and said that this was back from the block party shows. Howard said he sees it's not his body, right? Ronnie said he doesn't remember. Howard said if he posed for it then he's lying. Howard said that's not his body. Ronnie said he never noticed it. Howard said it's Dean Cain. Ronnie said no one said anything when it was taken so he didn't know.
Howard asked why he's yelling at everyone out there. Ronnie said Chris Wilding is being an asshole about it. Howard said it's not you. Ronnie said he doesn't even remember who took it. Howard asked where his salamander tattoo is. Ronnie said that would be covered.
Chris came in and said the bodies are identical. Ronnie said he had nothing to do with the photo. Chris said the only explanation is that Dean saw Ronnie's body and stole the picture. Ronnie said he didn't even know it was of him. He said it's like 5 or 6 years later so why are they talking about it now. Howard said just use Dean's head too. He said what's funny is that he gets into a fit screaming that he's been using it for 5 years and he has no idea it was not his body. Ronnie said no one put the picture out until now. Howard asked how he looks at that and thinks it's his body. Ronnie said he doesn't look close. Howard said the Private Parts movie poster isn't his body but the book is. He said he can look at it and see that.
Chris said if you Photoshop a body on you then use someone closer in age. He said use Dick Van Dyke's body or something. Ronnie was yelling at Chris.
Howard asked why he's yelling about it and if Chris says he's lying about it then just say it's not his body. Chris said that he was denying it all. Ronnie need up walking out.
Howard said that they used this photo on a Ronnie-Ween promo for a strip club. Chris said he's so hot he just has to go to Ronnie-Ween.
Howard said it never occurred to Ronnie that it's not his body and he's been using it for 5 years. He said that look at this guy's body. He said it's not Ronnie. He asked if he thinks he really looks like that. Robin asked if he's that delusional. Howard said even his neck is twice as thick as Ronnie's neck. Howard asked why he's mad at Chris. Ronnie came back in and Howard said it's funny that he's been using this for 5 years and he doesn't know it's him.
Howard asked if he really thinks it's him. Ronnie said the first time they used it was for an appearance at The Hard Rock. He said that he has to show him the first time. He said they used a different part of the picture. He said that there were no arms in the picture. Howard said it's stolen valor. He stole Dean's body. Ronnie said that he should be fucking happy. He said he's getting more publicity than he ever got right now.
Howard said that was the big controversy out there. Fred called him Ronnie Cain. Howard said he should put Arnold Schwarzenegger's body on there. Ronnie said okay. Howard asked what he said to Chris out there. Chris said that was him from 5 years ago. Ronnie said they didn't use the whole picture like that. Howard said he's been using that whole picture for 5 years. Ronnie said no.
Jason said they have confirmation that this exact photo was used in 2012 for one of his block parties. Howard said he must have forgotten about that. Howard said 5 years ago he was Dean Cain. Robin asked what other body parts he's copped.
Howard asked if people have demanded their money back for false advertising. Howard said they had the Man with Two Heads and that reminds him of this. He said that's what he's been using. Ronnie said he had no clue. He said he never looked that close. He said if Chris thinks he's lying then good for you.
Howard asked if he ever thought about why he liked that picture so much. Ronnie said he never said he did. Howard asked if he sends that to people when they ask for a promotional picture. Ronnie said he has one from Sirius that he uses.
Robin asked if he sent them this picture for the Ronnie-Ween. Ronnie said he didn't do that. Howard asked if they see an official picture can they trust that it's really him. Ronnie said they took one out in front of the building there. Howard said that picture he's claiming he knew nothing about was tweeted out 13 times. Ronnie said he doesn't know who took it and made it like that. Robin asked why he would use it. Robin said that he has tweeted it. Ronnie said it's the ad that he's tweeting. Howard said it's a picture of himself that he likes. Ronnie said he has no clue it was fucking Dean Cain. He said he had no clue about it.
Howard said he would look good with The Rock's body. Ronnie said he has no idea who took that picture and he never had it. He said someone put it out there and they've been using it. Robin said it was never taken. Howard said it's funny that they used Dean Cain, or Superman's body. He said use Bruce Jenner's body since he doesn't need it anymore.
Howard said this is Ronnie Gate. Chris asked if he has ever signed that picture. Ronnie said he never has. Chris said he never takes credit for his Twitter account.
Howard took a call from a guy who said maybe next time he can use Herman Cain's body next time. Howard said he's the guy from that pizza place. Gary said Godfather Pizza.
Howard asked Gary what he makes of this. Gary said it's not his body obviously. Robin said that he was saying he wore the same shirt. Ronnie said he was wearing a black shirt. Howard asked if he's insecure about his body. Ronnie said no.
Gary said there's a theory that the people at the Hard Rock were looking to make him look younger to draw in a younger crowd. Howard said he should use Carrot Top's body. He said he's all jacked up. He said that might look good. He said how about if he plasters his head on the statue of David. He said come join Ronnie at the Hard Rock Cafe and he's got the body of David.
Howard asked who caught this. Chris said someone on Twitter. Howard said someone figured it out. Robin said Ronnie somehow missed it. Ronnie said he did. Howard asked how he doesn't' know it's not his body. Ronnie said he didn't notice it was Dean Cain's body. Howard said his neck is twice the size. Chris said every tattoo is gone and every wrinkle is identical to Dean Cain's. Ronnie said he just looked at his face. He said that's all he needs.
Howard said Ronnie tweeted about him the other day and said he didn't read it. He said now he's saying he sent out this picture and never looked at it. Howard said he's going to get himself in trouble. Chris said he looks stupid. Howard said his body looks terrific. He said he doesn't look anything like that. He said he looks like a god. Ronnie said he didn't shoot the pictures. He said he didn't do any of this.
Howard said he can't believe they have uncovered this so early in the morning. He said there's always something going on with him. He said he was going to have a Ronnie free week this week but he can't do it. Fred played the old Superman TV theme.
Howard did his Ronnie impression saying that he was going to eat out Stephanie while she looks at this photo. Ronnie said that's not cool. Howard said #PolitcalyCorrectAllTheSudden
Howard he doesn't want to offend Ronnie. Robin said that's weird that something is inappropriate like that. Ronnie said he doesn't say ''eat out.'' Howard said this is getting weird. He said if this was anyone else he'd be laughing his ass off. Ronnie said he didn't know whose body it was. Robin said he must have known it wasn't his body. Howard said he had to know. He said just admit it. Ronnie said he didn't know.
Gary said it's now become Ronald in the studio. Ronnie said it is not. Howard said he's the guy yelling cunt and sixty nine and now he can't say eating out. Howard said he hopes Dean Cain is okay with this. Ronnie said he hopes so too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he gives him the benefit of the doubt but now it's clear as day that he's full of shit. Howard said he got busted. Fred-Ronnie started yelling about how he didn't know. Howard said this is the funniest thing he's ever heard.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to get Dean Cain in there and compare his body to Ronnie side by side. Howard said poor Dean Cain. Robin said now Ronnie remembers he had a shirt like that. Howard said bring that in. Ronnie said it's in his closet.
Howard said he's using that as his publicity photo. Ronnie said he posed for the head part of it. He said he wore that same shirt though. Howard asked how they got that picture for the strip club. Ronnie said they must have found it online. Howard said if you're going to use someone's body then Dean Cain is the body to use. Robin asked how he didn't see that wasn't him. Ronnie said he didn't study it. He said he had no clue. Howard said he must have thought that photographer was really good. Robin said he looks 25 years younger. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie voices talking about how talented that photographer was.
Howard wondered how they found that body. Chris said he thinks that he was just obscure enough to get away with it. He said they probably looked for a hot guy and that was the one they found. Howard and Fred were still doing their Ronnie voices goofing on him about this whole thing. Howard said he almost got away with this whole thing. He said he got 5 years into it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was going to ask about something else but this threw him for a loop. He said this is breaking news. Howard said Ronnie has stolen his body. Ronnie said he didn't do anything. Howard said he used that photo. Ronnie said he didn't send anyone that pic.
Howard said that photo was on the side of the building in Atlantic City to promote his appearance. Ronnie said it was just his face. Chris said he has no shame. Howard said Dean Cain had no idea he was on the side of a building. The caller said this might give Dean the boost he was looking for.
Howard said for everyone listening, if you want that body then go earn it at the gym. He said they just took this picture and stuck Ronnie's head on it. He said why not just stick your head on someone else's body. Fred-Ronnie said ''fuck that lifting weight shit!'' Howard said this might be the greatest thing since Beetlejuice shit on the floor and Robin almost stepped in it.
Howard asked what he's going to do if someone uses this picture again. Ronnie said he'll ask them to take it down. Ronnie said he has nothing to say to Chris anymore. He said it with a quivering voice that Chris did an impression of.
Howard asked if he has any control over his own publicity. Ronnie said he does. Robin said he hasn't asked anyone to take it down before. Ronnie told her to be quiet. Howard said they have pale face Ronnie on sun tanned arms. Ronnie said they're not tan. Howard said come on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's going to be Howard and Ronnie in the dessert and Ronnie is going to turn it on him and say that he only exists because of him. Howard said he has to apologize. He said that he tapped into Ronnie and now he has to go kill himself. He said it's like ''A Star is Born.''
Howard said it's like he went to the beach in a mask. Robin said he's like that old guy with the fit body in a magazine. Howard said they have to give him a plug. He said catch Ronnie at the Ronnie-Ween. Chris said he feels bad for the patrons of Ronnie-Ween who are expecting to see a young guy. He said they're going to see a freeze dried limo driver. Ronnie said take a look at yourself in the mirror. Chris said he'd know if someone stuck his face on a body that wasn't his.
Howard said he's going to get rid of that picture, right? Ronnie said that he's going to continue to retweet that ad out until the end of the week. Howard said he shouldn't be doing that. He said that's not Ronnie. Ronnie said he's there at Gossips on Long Island with Jessica Rhodes. He said that you don't know if she's using her real body in that ad. Howard said don't retweet it. Howard said Dean can come at him and stop him from using it. Robin said he has to have loved that photo. Ronnie said there's no reason why he's not going to retweet it. Howard said they'll talk to him about this later. Ronnie said no they won't.
Howard thanked the guys for coming in. He said he points these things out to Robin. He said coming in next is Donald Trump. He said that hey have a bit set in there. Robin said it's a strange set. Howard said they have a toilet bowl and a cage. He said he has some products that he's going to be selling.
Howard said he studied up on the team before he went to the game. He said he knew the coach's name when he went. He said he doesn't know it today. He said they had a good energy out there. He said they were playing Atlanta or someone. He said it's been a rough weekend. Gary confirmed it was Atlanta.
Howard said they had a great energy out there. He said it was quite dynamic. He said Tracy would point things out to him. He said he would concentrate on this number 32. He said Tracy would be a great play by play guy. He said he was really impressed with this guy that Tracy pointed out. He said they're a fun team to watch.
Howard said everyone on the team was coming over to say hi to Tracy Morgan but not him. He said he was right next to Tracy. He said he's not sure if it's a racial thing or not. Robin said maybe they just don't know who he is. Howard said they must know. He said that he nods to Walt Frazier there. He said he saw J.B. Smoove there too.
Howard said Tracy wears really large gold jewelry. He said it all has his name on it too. He said his friend from The Last O.G. was there and he wears even bigger stuff.
Howard said they have the rotating ads on the floor there and Walmart came up. He said he told Tracy he must have left money on the table there because they still have money to advertise.
Howard said it was great seeing Tracy. He said this guy's mind is so quick. He said a young black woman came over and said hi to Tracy. He said that she told him she was a fan of his. She mentioned that he was a D.A. He said Tracy asked for her card just in case he goes backward. He said that Tracy sat there with her card the whole time. He said it was great to see Tracy there. He said he was teaching him about the Knicks.
Howard said he didn't see Spike Lee there. He said there were some famous athletes there. He said there was some boxer there but he didn't know who he was. He said he was sitting there and the Garden went crazy for the guy. He said that he's really out of it when it comes to sports.
Howard asked Robin if she wants to hear from the President. Robin said you don't want to keep him waiting. Howard said she knows who it really is. They went to break after that.
Howard said that President Trump (Anthony Atamanuik) is there. He said he looks very good. Fake Trump (F-Trump from here on) said that he's getting younger every day. Howard said that he has to address this cage they have in the studio. F-Trump said this is a cage for the Mexican children. He said we have to keep the immigrants from this country. He said that this cage it to put children in. He said that they say they're not doing it humanely but they have a Pinata in there and a little toilet in there. He said they have a chew proof water bottle to drink out of. He said they use Trump Water for that too. He said it's 9.9 percent Chlorine free.
Howard asked what they use the newspaper for in the cage. F-Trump said that it's the failing New York Times and that's all that paper is good for.
Howard asked F-Trump about the cage and F-Trump said that he keeps his son Eric in that cage. He said he actually has no idea where Eric is and he hopes he stays away from his businesses.
F-Trump was saying that the cages are for the little Mexicans so they can raise them like veal. He said if you think that this is bad you should see what they do to the parents. He said all he can say is Human centipede.
Howard said the cage looks big. F-Trump said he was raised in a cage just like this. He said you can fit a litter of them in there. He said they all end up killing the runt.
Howard said this is a cage they will put children in who try to immigrate to this country. F-Trump asked what you call 100 kids in a cage. Howard said he doesn't know. F-Trump said that's called a good start.
Howard asked if he has anything else to say about the cage. F-Trump said that if they start acting up you just spray them with water. He said they can put fetuses all the way up to 6 years old in those cages. He said you lure them in with the Chalupas and put a path of them up to the cage and then you lock them in here.
Howard asked about this giant toilet he has in there. F-Trump went over and sat on it with his pants down. He was sitting on the toilet and saying that's where he tweets from. F-Trump said that this is his phone because he has such large hands. He had an iPad as his phone. F-Trump said he likes pussy and then added ''No collusion'' to that. He was also tweeting about his big dick energy and things like that. He was tweeting about a bunch of different things very fast. He had things to say about how Obama has gotten lazy after the election and things like that.
Howard said he's thinking about that cage. He said he wonders if Gary would fit in there. He said he has been mistaken for a Mexican.
Howard said Trump is sitting on the toilet and he may get hemorrhoids. Howard said he noticed there's a picture of Ivanka behind him. He said it's odd that he's got that when he's on the toilet. F-Trump said that it helps him get things out. He Tweeted out more stuff about Kavanaugh and talked about Gorsuch and had trouble saying it correctly like real Trump.
Howard asked about immigration and what he has to tweet about that. F-Trump had some things to say about that. He said that we can't let people from Hawaii come into this country until we know what's going on there.
Howard asked what else he has. F-Trump said that he has to defend Freddy Krueger. He said that he likes the kids. He said that Thanos is another one that he has to defend. Howard said he's claiming that he's innocent. F-Trump said he is. F-Trump said that the blacks love him. He said that one of Robin's breasts voted for him. He said the other one voted for Jill Stein.
Howard asked Trump about his opinions on some women. He asked if he can take this challenge. F-Trump said he can take it. He said he has another dump to push out.
Howard asked about Amelia Earhart, Anne Frank, Rosa Parks and others. F-Trump had nothing good to say about any of them.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks this whole bit is retarded. She said that she's a big fan of the show but this is above and beyond. She said they're close to the mid-terms and this is just wrong to joke about this stuff. Howard said she brings up a good point about the cages. F-Trump said that he's a heartless person. The caller said he has a responsibility here. Howard asked if she's the fun police. The caller said that half of the audience is voting red and they're all laughing at this. F-Trump said that they're not laughing. Howard said he's going to kick him out in a few minutes anyway. F-Trump asked what she looks like on a scale from 1-10. The caller said this is not funny. Howard said it gave him a few chuckles. F-Trump said he checked out like 5 times during this. The caller said there were some good lines in there. Howard said she said it wasn't funny but then said there were some funny lines.
Howard said she's like that woman who turned on Kavanaugh. F-Trump said that she didn't remember anything. Howard said he is not funny at all. F-Trump said this is his worst nightmare. Howard said to agree with Jessica is Sarah on the phone. He had one of the guys in the back as a woman saying that this isn't real Trump because he's not in New York today. Howard said she agrees with Jessica that this is not funny.
Jessica said that she has to get going to work. Howard told her to just listen to the show and try not to think so much.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is one of the most hilarious bits he's ever heard. The caller thanked him for his fine work. Howard said that Jessica works at the Comedy Supreme Court. He said that she was on to something. He said that was not Donald Trump. He said this was Anthony Atamanuik. He said that he had a show on Comedy Central but now it's just specials. Anthony said that they thought it was better to just do it that way than have a regular show. Anthony said they have a special tonight at 11 on Comedy Central actually.
Howard said he was doing this in comedy clubs during the primary. Anthony said that Howard broke him and got him a TV show. Howard asked if he's going to be funny. Anthony said he will be once he leaves there. He said this special is taking place in the future in 2030. Anthony said that he goes missing in 2024 and they go looking for him. He said that Space Force is in it.
Howard asked if it's true that Kathy Griffin is in it. Anthony said she is and she plays Kellyanne Conway. Howard said he should do a special where they send him to Mexico and let him walk around. Anthony said he gets hit with batteries in Times Square so it should get better down there.
Howard said he has the hardest last name in the business. He said that he'll be on that special in full makeup. He said this will be up on the app at some point. He said the set looks great.
Howard said he also has a book out called ''American Tantrum: The Donald J. Trump Presidential Archives.''
Howard said that he has the hardest name in show business so has anyone told him to change it. Anthony said that Mark Hamill actually worked with him and he's his pal. He said he helped out over in England. Howard said Mark actually talks to him with only 39,000 followers on Twitter? Anthony said he knows. Howard said his name is so hard to say. Anthony said he made it too late. He said he's 44 and he can't change his name now.
Howard said Anthony Tamaflu will be in this special tonight. He said he'll look back on his administration. Anthony said they'll show what happened in 2020. Howard asked how many people wrote on this special. Anthony said it was six people. He named a few of them and mentioned some of the people who are in the special with him.
Howard said that Anthony came in and showed them this cage. Anthony said that he's not sure what that Jessica was so angry about what they're doing in there because this caging thing is really going on.
Howard gave Anthony more plugs for the show and for the book. He tried saying his name again and messed it up. Howard said they'll all tune into his show on Comedy Central. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Speech Impediment Man entered a comedy contest and here were 4 people entered. Only 4 according to Shuli who said he's never seen that. He said that Speech Impediment Man came in third. Speech Impediment Man said that Shuli wasn't there. He said it was more than 4. He said that he did come in third and there were 5 headliners and 7 openers. Howard said that's not what he heard.
Howard said he gave Speech Impediment Man some advice and of course he tanked. He said he had one joke that he worked on that was good. Speech Impediment Man asked which one. Howard said Speech Impediment Man entered this contest so he can go on to get more jobs in comedy clubs. Howard asked if this was in a pizza place. Speech Impediment Man said it was. Howard said it's a pizza place but they called it Sal's Comedy Hole. Speech Impediment Man said it's in the back of the pizzeria.
Howard said this is Speech Impediment Man coming out with his opening joke. He played the clip and Speech Impediment Man said he was pulled over by a cop on his way there. He said the guy asked if he was drunk because he was slurring his words. He said he asked the cop if he's been eating donuts because his eyes are glazed over. There were people laughing at him in the room.
Howard said Speech Impediment Man was in a costume on stage as Speech Impediment Man. He said he compared himself to a super hero and did his shtick. Howard played some of that. Speech told him to play more. Howard said he has to get people to listen to him.
Howard said that his joke about being a toilet salesman was flawed. He said they don't have toilet salesmen at Home Depot. Speech Impediment Man said they do. He said they work in the plumbing department. Howard said h should say he works in the plumbing department.
Howard played more of Speech's jokes from the contest. Speech was telling a joke about getting his dick knocked off. He said he became an operator for 911 and 17 people died that day. Howard said he thought that joke was pretty good.
Howard said he made a pussy eating joke too. He played that part of his act and Speech Impediment Man was talking about how he doesn't have a dick. Howard asked if he really has no dick. Speech Impediment Man said he has no dick. He said that it's like Howard saying he has a 2 inch dick. Speech Impediment Man said his ex-wife left him because he has no dick. Howard said it's just small though so just say it's small. Howard said if he had no dick that would be interesting.
Howard played more of his act and Speech said something about how licking his ex-wife's box was like licking the bottom of a bait tackle box. Howard said he's not sure he should be criticizing women. He said he's talking about licking the bottom of a tackle box. Howard asked why he uses the word box twice in the joke. Speech said he should only use it once. Howard asked what the joke is there with the tackle box. Speech said the tackle box smells bad. Howard asked where the joke is. Howard asked where Jessica is to complain about this not being funny. He said he thought Anthony was on fire this morning.
Howard said he doesn't have a tackle box so he's not sure what they smell like. Robin asked why he brings up having a small dick and then talks about her box. Speech said this is good advice.
Howard played more of Speech's act and he did the joke that he told Howard about having a computer virus and getting his dick stuck in his keyboard. Howard asked why he would use that joke after asking him for advice. Speech said he used it at the Comedy Store the night before and got laughs. Howard said no he didn't. Speech insisted he did.
Howard said this is his closing joke. He played the clip and Speech told a joke about asking about how much a Sex on the Beach is in some bar. Howard said he didn't understand that joke. Speech had to explain it to him. He said he went into a bar and asked for a Sex on the Beach drink and the bartender says 20 dollars. He said he can't afford that so he asked for a jerk off on the sidewalk. Howard said the guy he beat is a Thalidomide baby. Robin said he paid to be in this and he didn't work on his material.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing the voice of an agent who had a speech impediment. He said he'll put him on TV if he sends him money to buy a camera. He asked for Speech's PayPal.
Howard said he has his comedy coach on the line too. He picked up and had another guy with a speech impediment talking about coaching Speech on his jokes. He even had the fake laugh like Speech did. He was being funnier than Speech according to Robin.
Howard said he is going to talk to Sarah Silverman about how she develops comedy just for Speech to hear. Howard asked the coach who else he coaches. The guy said he coaches a guy who is just a head in a jar. He said he has material about women being smelly as well. He said they Photoshop his head on Dean Cain's body. He did a knock, knock joke with Howard had and the person at the door just being one of his neighbors he knows.
Howard asked Speech Impediment Man if he has anything else to say. Speech Impediment Man was wondering if he can take Fred on the road with him. Howard said one thing he knows is that when comics start out they aren't' that good. He said they develop material. Howard asked how long he's been working on his stuff. Speech Impediment Man said 20-some years. Howard said congrats on coming in third out of 4. Speech Impediment Man said he's going to be at the Comedy Store every weekend. He said he's going to work on his material. He said he'll talk about how he has a dick but it's a small dick. Howard said use Dean Cain's body in his press photo.
Howard said he is rooting for Speech Impediment Man. He said he keeps cracking himself up so there must be people who find him funny. He said congratulations on not finishing in last place. He asked if that's enough.
Howard said that Sarah Silverman is there and he hasn't spoken to her in a while. He said he has to take a break first. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said this is a beautiful song. He sang along with it for a short time. Robin asked if this is Cheap Trick. Howard said of course.
Howard said he's known Sarah for a long time. He said it's over 10 years. Sarah said it has to be more than that. Howard said she lives in L.A. now. Sarah said she lived in New York for many years.
Howard said that Speech Impediment Man is struggling with his comedy. He said it's a tough road. He asked where she did her first gig. Sarah said it was in Boston. Howard asked if that went okay. Sarah said it did because her friends were there. She said expectations were low. Howard said it gets harder and harder after that. He said that she claims that when she was little she claims that she never didn't want to be a comedian.
Howard asked where Speech Impediment Man is going wrong. He asked if he's not coming from a real place. Sarah said she thinks that's it. Howard said he wants to know how to write comedy from her. He asked if it's a teachable skill. Sarah said yes and no. She said you can't be not funny and learn how to be funny. She said some successful people are doing the math of it. She said some of the funniest people come out of Harvard and they're doing the math of it. Howard said it's not coming from a genuine place. Sarah said they're second guessing what 14 year old boys want to hear. She said comedy dies when you do that.
Howard asked if she is an A-list comic. Sarah said maybe. She said she's not on network TV though. She said she can say anything she wants. Howard asked if she likes where she is in her career. Sarah said she loves it. She said she doesn't want to do anything but work on the show she has on Hulu. Howard said he doesn't think he gets Hulu. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said he better get it. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said he must have Hulu on Apple TV. Howard said he has that. Gary said you have to pay for it. Howard said they should give it to him for free. Sarah agreed.
Howard said the show that Sarah is doing now is where she goes out and interviews people who voted for Trump. Sarah said it's about being open minded. She said that she always leaves places loving the people. Howard said she could never be in a relationship with someone who voted for Trump. She said she could get off fantasizing about it. She said her sex fantasies are nothing like the real world. Howard said the stuff he watches on porn are nothing like what he wants to do. He said he likes the theme of something taboo going on. He said he responds to that.
Sarah said comics are freaks. She said that maybe everyone is and comics just express themselves more. She said she had a therapist who said that Jewish guilt is famous because Jews talk about it. She said that Catholic guilt just isn't talked about.
Howard said he wants to know more about comedy for Speech Impediment Man. Sarah said she thought fake Speech Impediment Man was incredible. Howard asked how she goes about developing material. He asked if she thinks about being funny. Sarah said she used to write down stuff but now she keeps it in her phone. Howard asked what he'd like to know she writes about in her phone. Sarah said she has so many notes. Howard asked the guys to get her phone for her.
Gary brought in her pone but she needed glasses. He handed her some readers but she said that's gross. She wanted her own. Gary got them for her.
Sarah told Howard about going to a hotel pool and she wrote down something about a sign that said if you have diarrhea or have had it in the past 2 weeks then you're not allowed in the pool. She said she wrote down ''Why not just say 'No Jews Allowed' because she hasn't gone 2 weeks without having diarrhea.'' Sarah said that there's a commercial for Charmin Ultra toilet paper. She said there are a bunch of out houses and a British lady is outside trying to talk to them. She said that they have Charmin Ultra in there apparently. Sarah said that she's out there asking if they feel clean enough to go Commando. Sarah said that blew her mind. She asked if you wear underwear to keep from getting shit stains in your underpants. Sarah said she keeps her ass clean 3 inches deep.
Sarah said women wipe front to back and Howard said he wipes back to front. Howard said he uses a Toto toilet now so he's not even wiping. Sarah said she got one of those from Jimmy Kimmel on Valentine's day. She said she still has it.
Howard said he is so meticulous with his asshole. Sarah said that she's not sure where a man's ''front'' even starts down there. Howard said he's so disgusting. Sarah said that she has a friend whose balls got so low. She said it really depresses him and his balls touch water in the toilet. She said you can get a ball lift and it's in and out in a half hour. Howard said Beth never sees his anyway. He said he keeps the lights down. Sarah said she enjoys balls. Howard asked if she really does. She said she odes.
Howard said he was hanging out with his daughter and she took video of it. He said he looked at the video and he looked hideous. Sarah said he really doesn't.
Sarah said that Fred is so brilliant on the show. Howard said the show sucks if Robin isn't there. Howard said that he has to sing their praises. He said if they're not there then there is no me. He said he doesn't want to do the show without Robin and Fred.
Howard said that he's so tied in with them but Sarah can go on a stage by herself. He said she's all on her own. Sarah said she likes collaborating though.
Sarah asked if he has three daughters. Howard said he does. Sarah said they're all in their 30s. Howard said one is 7, one is 5... Sarah said she was at the Emmys and when Henry Winkler won the award and said to kids go to bed, Daddy won she thought that was so funny. Howard said that was funny.
Howard said that Sarah has been nominated for a Grammy. She said it was this year. She said it was her, Jerry, Chappelle, Kevin Hart and Jim Gaffigan. Howard asked if she went. She said she did. Howard said Chappelle won. She said that he's like a brother. She said she met him when they were in high school. Howard said he's a brilliant comic. Sarah said it's awesome.
Howard asked if she has met comics who just got out of the business and never made it. Sarah said she has. Howard asked if some people just aren't likeable. Sarah said so many comics are their own worst enemies. She said they have a fear of failure so they won't try. She said they think they're risking too much or something.
Howard said she should do a show of guys who she thinks should be famous but aren't famous. Sarah said some of those guys haven't written a joke since 1989. She said they just use the same material. Sarah said there are musicians who can sing, write and play. She said you can't be lazy in comedy. She said you have to get your shit together and work. Howard asked about Steve Martin's book and see how hard he worked at it that's what she's talking about. Sarah said he's as funny as he ever was. Howard said he talks to him and thinks he's so funny.
Sarah said she witnessed Steve Martin in a very funny moment. She said she did an AFI honors show and they went to Steve's house after. She said Martin Short was there and he was acting as a host. She said that he would ask a question about how people met Steve first. She said he asked Candace Bergen how she met Steve first. She told a story about how he didn't know what Prosciutto was. She said Steve said that's right and now he drives one. She said that was so funny.
Howard said that he's amazed by Steve Martin. Howard said he was just writing about this. He said that he was working with the Smothers Brothers and he went to his friend for a joke and it was something about television. Howard said it was about owning the appliances. Sarah couldn't remember the joke either. Howard said it's amazing that Steve had to get a joke from his friend. He said that Steve told him it freed him to do that. Sarah said it was an amazing story.
Howard asked if Sarah has ever been on a show writing jokes. Sarah said she was on Saturday Night Live so she wrote on that show. Howard said she wrote sketches on that show. Sarah said she did. Sarah said she can say with total confidence that she did contribute a lot to punch up night on Thursdays.
Howard asked if she was happy working there. Sarah said she was and she remembers one night when Goodfellas was opening. She said she wrote one thing and it was ''Donna via satellite'' and she got that into the bit. She said they changed that to a guy. She said that was a good experience working there.
Howard said he heard that someone gave her advice to make the guys laugh. He said that she was told that the women will laugh along with the men. Sarah said that she didn't trust her powers for many years but now times are different. Howard said he finds it odd that people on twitter go back and listen to jokes from 10 years ago and say things aren't politically correct. Sarah said comedy isn't evergreen. She said they can't erase it. She said that Howard will play old shows where he was horrible and he admits it. She said you can be changed by it.
Howard asked if Sarah has talked to Louis C.K. lately. She said she hasn't in 3 months or so. Howard said he called asking how he's doing. Howard said it's a very confusing time. Howard asked if he was brilliant at first. Sarah said he was. She said he didn't get famous for like 30 years. She said that there is so much that's hard to talk about. She said it's all black and white until the bad guy is someone you love. She said what he did was wrong. She said it's not the same as what Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein did. She said it's not okay what he did but it's not the same. She said that these guys who deny, deny, deny are wrong. She said that one person's recollection of 35 years go could be nothing and another person's could be embedded. She said she remembers vividly both times that she was held down against her will. She said that's something you never forget. She said for those guys it's just a Tuesday for them so they may not remember.
Howard said he has had traumatic experiences that he remembers but he doesn't remember exactly where they were. He said he gets that. Sarah said that Kavanaugh hearing was traumatic for so many people in this country.
Sarah said she has known Louis C.K. forever. She said she's not making excuses for him but they are peers or equals. She said when they were kids he'd ask if he could masturbate in front of her and she'd say she'd like to see that. She said that comics have to bring up Louis when they get together. She said that she's just answering honestly. She said it's not analogous to other women and what happened to them. Sarah said that he could offer her nothing. She said she wanted to see it and it was amazing. She said that she would say no and they'd just go out for pizza. Sarah said when he became influential then it changes. She said that in that NY Times article they talk about how he went on to connect with some of those women and tried to make it right. She said that she's not saying that everyone should like him now.
Howard said he sees what she's saying. He said Louis came to her and said that he wanted to jerk off in front of her and she said she wanted to see it. Sarah said that the first penis she saw was her boss. SHE said she had never seen a penis before. She said she was 18 years old and he asked her if she liked working there and then she looked down and saw him masturbating. She said she wasn't the person she is now. She said he was in power and she was in a vulnerable place. She said she never told her parents about that. she said it didn't even occur to her. She said what a woman or a girl is trained to do is worry about not making the man, who is jerking off, feel uncomfortable. She said with Louis it's different. She said that boss also did it with other women later.
Howard said Lois didn't just take his dick out. He asked about it. Sarah said they were talking openly. she said that they would strip off their clothes and throw them down the atrium and then go down in the elevator hoping that no one would see them. She said this is just her experience with him.
Howard said some of the people who were accusing Louis are saying that the masturbating was something they were interested in seeing. Howard said Sarah just wanted to see it. Sarah said it was just different. She said once he became powerful then it was different. She said that it was not okay. Howard said that's an interesting explanation. Sarah said she thinks he can come back but he should talk about it on stage. She said comics can't be told what to say. She said he's going to have to find his way.
Robin said she was at a Jane Fonda thing and she was saying that there has to be evidence that they have changed or have tried to change. Sarah said that the truth is the closer you are the less you see of the full picture. She said that when a cop's family is killed they take them off the case. she said that's what this is like.
Howard said that it would be interesting for him to talk about this on stage. He said maybe he doesn't see the comedy in it. He said if he jokes about it then he's going to get called out on that. Sarah said the Louis they love is the guy who made comedy out of really serious things.
Howard asked Sarah what she's watching in porn these days. She said that her search words used to be gang bangs and things like that. She said she's been watching guys fucking fake pussies and Real Dolls and stuff. She said it's amazing. She said no one gets hurt in those. She said that there are no real women in it. She said she likes seeing the penis and the guy losing control. She said she hates Mike Pence and he's almost scarier than Trump. She sad that he thinks homosexuality is a sickness. He said he's fucked up. She said she thinks about him holding his breath while he cums. She said the human mind is crazy. She said that's what she's into lately.
Howard said he was thinking about Senator Al Franken. He said she worked with Al at Saturday Night Live. She said she did. She said she loves Al. She said that he was so wronged. She said he's not a sexual being. He said that his wife is his best pal and companion. Sarah said it's just so not him. She said that picture of him on the USO tour was just him not even touching that woman. He said that he kisses like a grandpa. She said that his reaction was to have a full ethics investigation. She said the lying people just don't ask for that. Howard asked if she has talked to him since. Sarah said she has and she's so rooting for him. She said he doesn't know what to do. She said that he's so heart broken. Howard said he has never seen anyone more into being into politics than Al. He said he's so into the job. He got off on being in public service.
Howard said he remembers seeing her stabbing Al in the head with a pencil. Sarah said she did that in real life. She said she was day dreaming about stabbing this pencil in his hair and she did it and stabbed him right in the temple. She said he screamed and said ''Why?'' and she was just crying laughing.
Howard said on Twitter some guy called her a cunt and she looked up who he was and through his feed. Howard said she saw he had back pain and she's paying his bills for back pain. Sarah said he hasn't been in contact with her since May and this priest that she has been sexting with drove out there to see if he was okay. Howard asked why she has to be the one to do that. Sarah said she didn't help him out with money. she said she was helping him out to find doctors to help him out. She said that she said she would pay the doctor directly. Howard asked why do that. He asked why she has to win him over. Sarah said he's a 30 year old lost kid who was acting out. She said she was looking at his stuff and he was just trying to get Twitter to cancel his account. Sarah said she was DMing him for months. He said she likes doing that. She said she feels like she can help some people. She said she knows that's narcissistic. She said she doesn't need everyone to love her. She said she talked to him about the back pain and he told her he had been molested at 8 years old and stuff like that. She said people change.
Howard said that Sarah is there to promote her show ''I Love America'' which is on Hulu. Howard said that she has new shows every week. Sarah said they shoot Wednesday night and it airs Thursday. She told Howard about how they do the show and what they cover.
Sarah told Howard that she made a mistake by wearing black face in her other TV show and she addresses that in this new TV show. Howard said it's like an older Sarah Silverman advising younger Sarah. Sarah said yeah. Robin said that in today's world you're supposed to be stuck in your life at those moments.
Howard asked how Speech Impediment Man is going to be a better comic. He said he should be walking around keeping notes and writing down stuff. Sarah said having a speech impediment is a gift. She said he can't emulate anyone else. She said that's a gift. Sarah said she used to be like Colin Quinn or Dave Attell. She said she wasn't doing it consciously and you hope you grow out of that. Howard said people who paint do copies of other artists paintings. He said you draw it and figure it out and then try to do your own style. Sarah said you want to know the basics. She said she likes to be very prepared. She said that way you can be very loose.
Howard said he saw her years ago and she was talking about her vagina. Howard asked how you know it works. Sarah said you can't know unless you're in front of an audience. Sarah said you have to do stand up constantly. She said she can't do comedy when she's doing her show. She said now she must race home and get to bed immediately. She said she's not doing it when she's working on her show. She said she goes back to it as soon as she's done with the show. She said if you don't do it for a month it's like starting over.
Howard asked Sarah about doing stand up and if she has notes with her. She said she does have notes. She said that she can be totally free and glance down if she needs to.
Howard said if you go out and do new material how does that work. She said that you have to be ready to eat shit. Sarah said she used to do a character on stage and then she had to get out of that and figure out what to do. She said that you can lose people and gain people by changing. Howard asked if she is better in certain cities. Sarah said she finds the smaller the town the more people are psyched to see her. She said there are kind of like minded people everywhere but they don't get live shows. She said she's on the road doing field pieces now but not comedy. She said she just did a dinner with some conservatives and she left there loving them. Howard said she's making fun of them. She said she's not. Howard said he has seen field pieces. He said she was sitting with a family and they were Trump supporters. He said they had never seen Jewish people before. He said she is making fun of them in a sense. He said she's showing that they are bizarro people. Sarah said it's challenging to her because she wants to connect and be vulnerable. Howard said he's going to watch her. Robin said she didn't think she was making fun of those people.
Howard asked if she's in love and in a relationship. Sarah said she's single. Howard asked if she has any prospects. He asked if anyone is asking to jerk off in front of her. Sarah said not at all. She said she's the older person at work now and she isn't sure where to find anyone. She said on Saturdays she likes being home and she'd love to just be spooned. Howard said Fred can come over. Howard said maybe Tinder is what she needs. Sarah said her sister met her guy on Bumble. She said there's this Rya app for famous people. She said she doesn't want to be with people who are on those apps.
Howard asked if anyone has asked her out since she broke up. Sarah said yes but she did not say yes to that person. She said she doesn't really go on dates. She said she can see it in their face if she wants to be with them. She said Michael was the first time she's been on a date. Howard asked about the guy who asked her out. She said it was an email. She said she didn't answer at first. She said she totally respects the guy but he's just not for her. She said she just told him the truth after the second time. She said he's amazing and attractive and she's in awe of him but it's just not her thing.
Sarah said she likes a masculine man who is a feminist. She said he has to have good oral hygiene. Howard said he tells his wife to let him know if he has bad breath. He said no one ever does.
Robin said that Sarah said that at work everyone is younger than her. She asked what's wrong with that. Sarah said that Don Cheedle tried hooking her up with a 33 year old. She said she's in her mid to late 40s but she won't say just how old she is. She said she can't lie. She said she just feels old. She said she's 47. Howard said he is too. Sarah said she wants to date someone her age but in the same way. She said she doesn't want to think about her skin being loose. SHE said that she thinks she looks pretty good. She said she wants to be a prize. She said she wants someone who knows the aches and pains of life.
Howard asked if she's still against marriage for herself. Sarah she is but she's not sure what could happen some day.
Sarah asked if not having kids is something that Beth is okay with. Howard said she'd have to ask Beth. Sarah said she has some remorse about not having kids but she's not sure if it's something that's put on her. She said she loves kids though. She said she wonders if she missed out on something. She said she went out with Jimmy and Molly recently and it was great. She said that she sees him and it's so fun. She said they had this night out and it was just something that happened. Howard asked if she's still in love with Jimmy. Sarah said they just had a great time. Howard said he'll talk to her about that off the air. Robin said she was saying that Jimmy did have kids with Molly. Sarah said that Jimmy sent her pictures of kids and he knew that she loved kids. She said that he said that she would never have kids with her and he sends her these pictures. Sarah said that when she thinks about it she's glad she didn't have kids. She said she questions herself though. She said that she thought about adopting a 10 year old or something some day. Sarah said she doesn't want to be an old mom though. Sarah said she had to come to grips with it. She said she likes being able to do whatever she wants at all times. Howard said don't beat yourself up over that.
Howard asked if she ever went to therapy over this to find out why she didn't want kids. Sarah said she did want kids. She said she was working and being a comic though. She said that she didn't make time for it.
Howard said there's a lot going on with her today. He said she said something that was kind of mind blowing. Sarah said she drank a Red Bull before the show and she feels like she's on crack. Howard said he loves Sarah. Sarah said she listens to the show every day and she's so sad when he's not there. She said that she's so happy that he's out here doing something nice for himself though.
Howard said Benjy wants to date her. Sarah said no way to that. Howard said he wants to come in and ask her. Howard said he has to see her deal with that. Sarah said he wants someone who has his shit together. Howard said Benjy isn't her man then.
Howard said she has said it all. He said that her new show is on Hulu. He said he's going to get it today so he can watch. Robin said it's great. Howard said he must have it because Beth watches the Handmaid's Tale. Sarah said that Killing Eve is the best. She said it's on BBC. Howard said he won't watch Handmaid's Tale because women are blinded in it. He said he can't watch that.
Howard asked Sarah about doing a voice in the Wreck It Ralph movies too. Sarah said she does the voice of Penelope. She did that voice and Howard said he can do that. He did a horrible voice for her. Howard gave her some more plugs and wrapped up with her. They went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he would have jerked off for Sarah. Howard said he was a very up tempo Jeff this morning. Robin said he does that for everyone on that thing he does. Howard said it's Periscope.
Howard said it's time for news. They played her into it with a song parody.
Robin started her news asking if you're allowed to approach a public servant when they're out in public. Robin said Mitch McConnell was approached and a man slammed his fist on his table and threw his leftovers out the door. Howard said there has to be some civility. Robin said that it's not about being civil. Robin asked if you have the right to approach your public servant in public. Howard said no. He said if the guy said he didn't want to talk then you leave him alone. He said you can ask if you can speak to them. He took that back and said don't bother anybody. He said leave them alone. Howard said public servants don't have the right to approach him in public either.
Robin asked a question about a guy on a Ryanair flight who was refusing to sit next to an elderly black woman on a flight. Robin said he called the woman a ''stupid, ugly cow'' and if she didn't move he'd push her to another one. Robin said he was asked to calm down and then the woman was asked to move. Howard said they should have removed the guy. He asked who the hell he is to demand who he sits next to. Robin said the daughter said the man was upset about the woman taking too much time to move out of the way. Robin said they moved the woman instead of the guy who was carrying on. Robin said the airline said they reported this incident to the police.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said he liked something they talked about the other day. He also said that last week JD outed his wife as farting and shitting. He asked if he doesn't know to shut up about that stuff. Howard didn't remember that. Robin said it was the protein drinks that make her fart. Howard said that's what he wants to do, tell JD to shut up. He said he likes it when he tells him that stuff. JD said it's very rare. He said it's not a regular thing. Howard said it's hard to get things out of JD so don't call in and tell him to be quiet about stuff like that.
Robin read a story about Pete Davidson talking about his break up with Ariana Grande. Robin said Pete was out at an event performing and he said he's looking for a new roommate and a place to live. Robin said he was also joking about the tattoos he has to have removed because of the break up. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Governor Chris Christie talking about the attack on Mitch McConnell. Christie was saying that you can't yell at scream at someone like that when they're out with their family for dinner. Howard said he agrees with him on that. He said he's all for civil disobedience but as far as attacking someone like that he's not sure where that ends. Robin said that all depends on the offense. She said if things are out of hand then why should people be comfortable? Robin said she likes that he took his leftovers and threw them out the door. She had a laugh over that.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult is upset with Robin. He picked up and Wendy said she's tired of Howard talking to Robin every day. She said Robin and Howard talk about how in love they are with each other. Howard asked Wendy if she has someone close to her in her life. Wendy said she's in love with Howard. Robin said that's what she thought she was saying. Howard said he thought she was in love with Jason. Wendy said she changed her mind and she's in love with Howard. Howard asked how in love with him she is. Wendy said that she's confessing to him that she's in love with him and she thinks about him every night. Howard asked if she's talking in a sexual way. Wendy said yes. Howard said if he was going on dates with her what would happen in bed. Wendy said they would kiss. Robin said Howard doesn't kiss her. She said he actually does. Howard asked Wendy what position they're in when they kiss. Wendy said they're in their own positions and she's in her one piece bathing suit. Howard asked if they leave it on. Wendy said it's on. Howard asked if he cleans her leg sores first. Wendy said yes. Howard sake if he changes her diaper too. She said he does change her diaper.
Howard asked Wendy if she saw the new Halloween. Wendy said she hasn't because she's waiting for her money to come in. Howard asked what he has to put on her leg sores. Wendy sad that he puts ointment on them. Howard asked if he talks dirty to her. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if he wipes doody out of her ass. She said yes. Wendy said that he also has to put ointment on the rash on her butt too. Howard said he's got her laying there nude and he has to turn her over and apply this ointment. He asked if he gags slightly because of doody remnants. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she gets turned on by the ointment. Wendy said yes to all of this. She started laughing so Howard said he has to hang up on her. He said he thinks he's crying in that fantasy.
Howard said he meant to ask Wendy about her disability being cut and she's blaming Obama. He said this is all Trump. Howard did a live commercial read and told Gary to get her back on while he does that.
After the commercial Howard had Wendy back on. He asked if she loves grape juice. Wendy said she loves it. Howard asked Wendy about the disability payments being cut drastically. He asked if she blames Trump. Wendy said sort of yes. Howard said he heard she was blaming Obama. Wendy said it has to do with both of them. She said she doesn't get more than 21 dollars in food stamps. Howard asked if she's going to vote for Trump again. She said no way. Wendy said that she'll vote forever goes against Trump. Howard asked if other slow adults are following her. Wendy said that no one talks to her about Trump. Howard asked if the other slow adults are pro Trump. She said they are. Wendy said she used Donald Trump as bowling pins. Howard said Obama gave her nice hand outs. He said he's not sure why she was against him. Howard asked who she would like to see as President. Wendy said Howard Stern. Howard thanked her for that. He let her go after that.
Robin read a story about Paula Abdul being on stage recently and she went to shake hands at the edge of the stage and she fell off. Robin had some audio of her doing that. She fell and people screamed. Robin said she thinks she got back on stage after that. Robin said they say her show was amazing after that. Howard asked if that was Wendy who wrote that. Fred played clips of Wendy saying ''yes.'' Howard said he'd go see her show if she fell off the stage every time.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Wendy wished her a happy birthday on Facebook. She said that Wendy called her through Facebook asking her for money. She said that she had some talks with her on there and she ended up calling. She said she's going to send her some money. She said she feels bad for her. Howard thanked her for that call. He said he's been suckered by her about that a few times. He said he hangs up on her before she can ask now. He said it's hard to say no to her. Fred played a song that Wendy sang about needing money.
Robin read a story about Lenny Dykstra who got in trouble because of an altercation with an Uber driver earlier this year. Robin said he has pleaded not guilty. Robin said he appeared in court this morning and he's due back in December. They played a ''Message of Hope'' for women who give bad head that Lenny did for the show.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks about these people who have weird weddings. Howard said he doesn't like it. Robin said two people who were running in a marathon stopped halfway through and were joined by an official who performed their wedding during the race. Howard said he doesn't like that. He said just get married locally and invite some friends. Robin said there were 25,000 runners registered for the race. Howard said he hates that. He said it's silly. Robin had some audio for him to play from the wedding. Howard said people were trying to run and they're doing that.
Robin read a story about how taking care of your ears and eyes can keep your brain in check. Howard said that's why he goes to the doctor every year. Robin read some details about this study. Robin said when she brings this stuff up with Dr. Agus he says that these bodies were only made to go 40 years. Robin said that's why you have to take care of yourself. Howard said he loves that guy David Agus.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Slow Adult who asked if she can say someone's name to get $250 from someone just for doing that. Howard let her do that. Wendy said hi to Austin. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he thought Ronnie had a great body and he was taking care of it but it turns out it was Dean Cain's body. He said he has to play audio of the guys arguing about the Halloween movie. He said he'll do that first thing tomorrow.
Robin read a story about a family of an Indian man who was stoned to death by a group of monkeys. Howard said monkeys don't understand that they're tools that can kill someone. Robin said they apparently do. Howard said that sounds very Planet of the Apes. He said that's scary. Fred said they do use tools by sticking sticks in the ground to get termites. Robin said that they don't know which monkeys did this but the family wants justice. Robin said this man was hit about 20 times in the head and chest by bricks from a fallen building. Robin said the family wants them to be held accountable. Robin said the police sisal they can't charge monkeys. Robin said the man was 72 years old. Howard said he can't believe this. He said that movie he saw, Planet of the Apes, was a documentary.
Robin read a story about the reporter who was killed in Saudi Arabia. Robin said they say that they have audio of the reporter's fingers being cut off and later being beheaded. Robin said the Turkish president is going to reveal this in Parliament tomorrow. Robin said the Saudis are claiming that he was killed in a fist fight. Robin said if they cut off his fingers and head they must have had to use some kind of implement to do it. Howard said just blame the monkeys. Robin said the Saudis are claiming it was a rogue operation and they don't know where the body is. Robin said they claim there was a tremendous mistake made there. Robin said politicians are calling for something to be done about this. She had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about the President announcing that he would like to pull out of the arms treaty they have with Russia. Robin said Mikhail Gorbachev said this would be a mistake to pull out of the agreement. Robin said that this could have unforeseen consequences. Howard said he didn't know that he was still around. He asked if he still has that red birthmark on his head. Robin said she doesn't think that's going anywhere.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he likes Sarah Silverman and wishes she would look at his cock and say it looks like home. He also asked what kind of strange things people have done at his house. Howard said one person flushed a full towel down the toilet and it cost him a fortune to get it fixed. He said he doesn't enjoy having people over. He said nothing goes wrong when he's over at your house. He said people do weird shit. He said he never does. He said he has less and less people over. He said he just wants to be alone with his wife.
Robin read a story about Trump's job approval rating being at an all time high. Robin read that 47 percent approved and only 49 disapproved. Howard said that shows you something. He wasn't sure what.
Robin read a story about transgender rights activists being upset about Trump's administration possibly doing away with transgender terminology and making whatever you have on your birth certificate being stuck with you for life. Fred played some clips of Ronnie under hypnosis acting like a woman. Howard said he asked Ronnie who he identifies with and he said ''Dean Cain.''
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if he's going to be in the Megamillions. Howard said this one is tempting. Robin said it's over 2 billion now. Howard said he thought it was 1.6. Howard said they're losers games. He said that at that much Robin must think about entering it. Robin said she has to be in it to win it. Howard asked if Robin is going to pick numbers. Robin said she would let the machine pick the numbers. Howard asked how much he should buy. Mariann said just 2 dollars. Howard said maybe 50. Mariann said she's spending $20. Howard hung up on Mariann when she stared freaking out. Howard asked Fred if he got some. Fred said he did. Gary said he bought $20 worth the past few times. Howard said he has the feeling they all want to leave. He asked if Gary would get him some tickets. Gary said he can do that. Howard got some cash to give Gary to go get those tickets. Howard said if he wins he'll give Wendy $10,000. He asked Gary to get them. Gary said he'll get them right after the show. He said he'll give them to him tomorrow.
Howard said maybe he should try to get every combination. Robin said Trump tried to do something like that once. Gary said he gets nothing for buying the tickets. He said he has to say that so he can't sue him. Gary said he's going to buy Howard's today and his own tonight near home in his neighborhood.
Robin asked what the selling store gets. Gary said it's like 1 percent but that's a shit load of money. Howard said maybe he'll buy Gary dinner if he wins. He asked if he's quitting if he wins. Gary said no one there is coming in if they win. Robin said she's going to sit there having servants bringing her things if she wins. Gary said that's a ridiculous amount of money. Robin said she'll have every kind of car if she wins.
Robin read a story about a man who called police and said his wife had been murdered and he may have killed her. He didn't know for sure because he was on cold medication. Howard said that's like monkeys killing a guy with bricks. Robin said this guy stabbed his wife 123 times. He claims he doesn't remember that happening. Robin said the family doesn't believe his story. Fred played Jackie's sneeze after hearing the medication story.
Robin said that Amy Schumer won't be in any commercials during the Super Bowl. She said that she feels that hitting the NFL with no commercials is the only way to get to them about the Colin Kaepernick thing. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to the B-52s ''Love Shack.'' Fred played the song. Howard sang along with it a little bit. He said he knows he talked about this before but these girls are good. He said don't get him started with this. He had Fred keep playing it so he could hear one ''Love shack baby.'' He said those girls are hot too. He said they're very retro. He said he's not going to sit and wait for it. Fred played a ''Baby!'' clip from Detroit and Howard asked him not to play that anymore.
Howard stuck with the song until he hard ''Love shack baby.'' He said that's like the cum shot of that song. He said they met that guy Fred Schneider. Robin asked where they are now. Howard said he doesn't know. He said they had that Rock Lobster song too. Robin said she doesn't know that one. Howard said she will as soon as she hears it. Howard let that one play for a short time. He said that one wasn't a big hit. Fred said they had ''Roam'' too. Howard said he would classify them as a one hit wonder maybe. Robin remembered ''Roam.'' Howard said that's because it wasn't Love Shack.
Howard said he has Fred Schneider on the phone. He picked up and Chris Wilding was doing his impression of Schneider. Howard said he loves it.
Howard said he has to write a song. He said that has eluded him his whole career. He said Rick Dees had Disco Duck. He said you can goof on that all you want but it was a hit song. He said even a novelty song would be nice. Howard had Fred play Disco Duck. He said this was a hit. Howard let that play for a bit and then said maybe having a hit isn't worth it. Howard told Fred to turn that shit off.
Howard said he doesn't even ask his wife if she wants to see him jerk off. He said that's not pretty. He said he has done it in front of her but it was part of their routine. Robin said love play. Howard laughed. Howard said that's love play baby. He said jerking off wasn't meant to be shared. He said if you have a willing woman in the room you don't need to do that. Robin said they learned that Jerry Lewis would get blow jobs and he thought that wasn't cheating. Howard said he knows a lot of guys like that. He said he doesn't get that. Robin said maybe that's what it was like for Louis C.K..
Howard said his mom told him that during the Bill Clinton presidency they were talking about blow jobs and his mom said that oral sex isn't really sex. Robin wondered if she gave them. Howard said come on. He said she didn't do that. Howard did his parents voices and talked about fellatio and his mom not giving it. He said he can't imagine them making love. He said it had to be messy. He said his mom must have had an outfit. He said that his mother could have been a celibate.
Howard said his mother probably went in and changed into a negligee. He was calling it a trousseau. He said who knows what went on with those two. He said he can't imagine it being fun. He said his mother is so proper.
Howard said he has a picture of her in her 20s and it looked like a professional photo. He said her shoulders were exposed and she was somewhere fancy with his hair done up. He said he asked her about that and she said that picture was taken by a guy who was into photography where his father worked. He said his mother has anger behind every story.
Howard said his mother's name is Ray and people would call their house asking for Ray or Ben like he had two fathers. Howard did his mother's voice telling him about this photograph and the photographer. She said this guy asked her to pose nude for him. He said she told her to change into a towel and she got into that. He said she didn't take that off. Howard said he's not sure where his dad was but he must have been there. He said his mom was in the towel and that's why you can see her shoulders and cleavage. He said she yelled at this guy and Ben. He said that he's not sure what was going on there.
Howard said back then it was like seeing tittie when you saw a woman's shoulders. He said it was kind of a sexy picture of his mom but not really. He said it looked like a prom dress. He said he thinks his mom would have kicked the guy's ass instead of getting naked.
Howard said his dad was kind of a rube and he didn't know what was going on. He said his mom got freaked out by this guy.
Howard said his dad had a friend when he was growing up. He said his dad had no male friends ever but he made friends with this con-man. He said his dad liked this guy. He said the guy was a genius. He thought the guy could have a great job if he put that scam stuff into real work. He said the guy as a bullshit artist but really smart. He said the guy liked his dad for some reason. He said one time his father came home and said that he was talking to this guy and he wanted him to go to Cuba with him. He said down there they had some loose rules at the time. He said this con-man would go down there all the time. Howard said his mother asked if he wanted permission to go. She told him to go but don't come home. He said his dad got right into line over that.
Howard said this con-man drove his dad nuts. He said he always wondered why he didn't just play it straight. He said he was constantly talking about this guy. Robin said that's kind of odd.
Howard read a comment about his dad waiting in another room while that photographer took the picture. Howard said they're right because he did wait in the other room. Howard said he wouldn't let Beth do that. He said he doesn't want Beth taking an Uber. He said she took one last night. Gary said that the person said that they heard Howard say that his dad said his mother can handle herself.
Howard said he talked about this in 2011 and they're going to play it on Sternthology today. He said that story is amazing. Robin agreed.
Jason said that Sarah's sister was in a relationship with Louis for a while and they may have done it in that relationship. Howard said don't jerk off in front of women. He said you look like an idiot. Robin said Sarah thought of it like a science experiment. Robin said they have to understand when they're not related in any way that there is no consent.
Howard said they're saying that she was in a relationship with Louis and this went on. Jason said it went on inside and outside the relationship. Howard said he has no idea what's going on.
Howard did his mother's voice talking about watching guys jerking off. He said if you saw him jerking off you'd see why it should be private. He said you should see the faces he makes. Robin said that Howard said there was consent but there was none there because he out ranked people he was jerking off in front of. Howard said maybe he should do a special where he jerks off in front of the whole country. Robin said she would stop asking about it after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she is a huge fan. She asked Howard about some old video of ''Who Knows Howard Best'' and they had his parents on and he said his father was his hero. Howard said you have to understand the word hero. He said every boy wants a father and his father to love him and to be part of his life. He said he worshiped his father. He said he's not sure he wants to get into this right now. He said he may have just wanted him to look at him and love him. He said that he isn't sure what he was looking for then but he was a little boy. He said he wanted someone to advise him to teach him and be gentle with him. He said he didn't really get that. The caller thanked him for answering her question.
Robin said Sarah's sister said that Louis' actions were compulsive, rude and gross but not criminal. Howard said that Sarah said she wanted to see it and sometimes she didn't. Robin said they would go out for pizza when she said no.
Howard said they know Louis and he never jerked off in front of Robin. Robin said that Al Franken never smooched her like he did with Sarah either. Howard asked Robin if she would ever want to see someone jerk off. Robin said she has a story.
Robin said she was in a study group and they had a few guys in the group. Robin said this was before nursing school. She said they were studying in a dorm and one of the guys said they should have an orgy. He asked a couple of girls if they were in. Robin said that she would watch. Howard said she would have watched. Robin said she might do anything. Howard said she won't participate. Howard said this is a good point. He said that Louis was just asking people if they wanted to watch him masturbate. Robin said the girls thanked her for saying no because they got out of the whole thing. Robin said she had to bail them out of trouble.
Howard said that this is for Robin. He played the Foo Fighters ''My Hero'' for her. Fred played some Robin drops over the song. He had her saying ''Four inches is fine!'' and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he talked to Ronnie about his Dean Cain picture in the limo. Howard said he didn't. He said sometimes he turns on the show in the car and the second he put that on he was arguing with Ronnie. He said he wasn't sure if he should turn it off. He said he quickly turned it off. He said it was so crazy that Ronnie has been using Dean Cain's body. He said he's always angry about it. He said when he does something wrong he never takes credit for it. He said he keeps doing dumb stuff but he doesn't blame himself. He said he has never taken responsibility.
Howard said Ronnie was all excited because Dean Cain tweeted out that it does appear to be his body. Howard said now he thinks he has a relationship with Dean.
Robin asked if Ronnie is still mad at Chris. Howard said he thinks that's real. Gary said he thinks he is. Howard had Ronnie come in.
Ronnie came in and said it was 7 years ago that this picture went up. He said someone asked him if he wanted to use it. He said yes. He said he didn't look that close. He said Stephanie reminded him of this stuff. Ronnie said Howard likes to rip his throat out before he can explain. Ronnie said that Stephanie told him not to use it. He said he didn't know it was Dean Cain's body. He said that she reminded him that they were making up a block party show poster. He said they asked if he wanted to use it and he said yes. He said he didn't know it was Dean Cain. He said that Stephanie told him not to use it.
Howard said he didn't know it was Dean but he did use it knowing it wasn't his body. Howard said he did know it wasn't his own body. Ronnie said he didn't know it was Dean Cain's body. Ronnie said he doesn't like being called a liar. Howard said he did lie about it. Ronnie said he didn't know who it was. Fred as Ronnie said ''I'm not a liar, I'm an idiot.''
Chris came in while Ronnie was yelling about this ''vindiction'' that he had toward him. Ronnie said that he isn't a liar. Chris said he feels sorry for him because he's so confused. Ronnie ran out of the studio.
Howard went over the story again and said yesterday Ronnie said that he didn't' know it wasn't his body. Today he's saying he knew it wasn't his body but he didn't know it was Dean Cain. Chris said that it's such a silly thing. Howard said it's funny that Ronnie walks out when he walks in. He said he might be attracted to him. Gary said they asked if he wants to go back in and he said ''Hell no.'' Howard said he has no defense. He said he didn't admit he knew.
Ronnie came back in and said that he was told it wasn't his body 7 years ago. He said that he forgot about it. Robin said he knew it wasn't his body back then. Robin said that he knew back then. Ronnie said she told him not to use it.
Ronnie said he could give a shit about what Chris does. He said he can't stand looking at him. Howard said he didn't know he felt that way about him. Ronnie said he has that vindictive shit every time he comes in there. He said someone else caught that and it wasn't Chris. He said Chris is taking the credit and jumping all over him for no reason. He asked what the big deal is that he used that photo. Chris said it's absurd. Ronnie said Howard's movie poster wasn't his body. Howard said he admits it though. He said Ronnie has 20 different stories here.
Howard said he has to get his straight. He said 7 years ago he was presented with this picture. Ronnie said he was asked by someone who was promoting them if he wanted to use it. Stephanie said don't use it. Howard said he just told them that she said it wasn't his body. Ronnie said that's what she said. He asked why he's putting him on trial over this.
Howard said he wants to get this story straight. Ronnie said he doesn't care about getting it straight. He said he's going to keep using that photo and he doesn't care. Howard asked why they didn't just use his body. Ronnie said there's nothing wrong with it. He said he wasn't using Dean Cain's body. Howard said he knew it wasn't him. He asked why they didn't use Ronnie's body. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Ronnie asked why he didn't use his own body in that movie poster. Howard said he didn't have time to do a photo shoot. He said that he asked them to just use the photo from the book. He said his agent asked if they can tape his head on another body.
Howard said Ronnie didn't admit it wasn't his body. Ronnie said that he had that shirt yesterday. Today he said he may have thrown it out already.
Howard said he wants to hear his side of the story. Ronnie said he wants to hear Howard's version. Howard asked if he wants to straighten this out. Ronnie said just tell the story. Howard said 7 years ago he did a photo shoot. Ronnie said there was no shoot. He said they asked what pictures he wanted to use. Ronnie said he didn't remember that she told him that it wasn't his body. Robin said there were several photographs. He said he picked that one because it looked cool. Howard said he was trying to get to the real story but he keeps changing it. Ronnie said he's not changing any story.
Howard asked Chris what's going on. Chris said he has no idea. Howard asked Chris what he thinks is going on. Chris said from what he understands... Ronnie cut him off. Chris said it's dishonest. Howard said Dean Cain didn't approve of this. Ronnie said he didn't use his face.
Robin said she finds it interesting that he squirms out of everything. Ronnie said all he had to do was say that it might be Dean Cain's body. He said he doesn't like being called a liar. Ronnie said he just doesn't like it. Gary said yesterday he was insistent that it was his picture. Ronnie told Gary not to come to the Jazz thing. He said he hears him bitching about it so don't come. Gary said they're not going to go.
Howard asked Gary if he thinks any less of Ronnie over this. Gary said not at all. He said that this is just Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie knew it wasn't his body. Ronnie said that this guy told him that this was Dean Cain's body and his face. Ronnie said that she reminded him of this last night. Howard said he did know. Ronnie said he just looked at a bunch of pictures and he picked that one. Howard said he knew 7 years ago knowing it wasn't his body. Ronnie said alright, he approved the picture. Howard said Ronnie wanted to be 6 feet tall and 240 pounds. Ronnie said that's it.
Howard said he loves it. He said he's busted. Howard said that he has to apologize to the fans who were catfished and fell for that scam. He said he wants to apologize for Ronnie. He said that he's not built like Dean Cain.
Howard said 7 years ago Ronnie admitted that he used a photo that he knew wasn't his body. Howard said he apologizes to the fans who were misled. Ronnie told him to just call him a fucking liar. Howard said he's sorry if you show up to Ronnie's gig and he's not built like Dean Cain. He said please know that they would never mislead you. Robin said he's going to continue using that photo. Howard said they have always tried to be honest with the fans. He said he didn't know. He said Ronnie is a fucking liar. He said he does apologize if you were misled. He said he didn't have Dean Cain's body.
Gary said 9 people in the office think he's lying about the whole thing and he knew it wasn't him. Howard said he knew it wasn't him. Ronnie said he was reminded of it last night. He said he was told 7 years ago that it wasn't his body.
Howard said he has the photographer who did this on the phone. The guy said that he wasn't able to Photoshop out all of the liver spots. He said it was hard to fit his head on that body too. He said it was a lot of work. Howard asked why they used Dean Cain. The fake photographer said that it was Ronnie's request. Howard said he should have used Popeye's body. He said good job on the Photoshop.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they're bordering on elder abuse. He said Ronnie is getting up there in age and he may not be able to remember stuff from 7 years ago. Howard said Dean Cain is super Christian and he's sure he's excited about using his body to promote a strip club. He said he has to remember that. He said he thinks he owes Dean an apology for that. Ronnie said Howard can do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a retired FBI agent and he's trying to blame this on every one else. He said that's what guilty people do. He said they get angry and try to push it on other people. Howard said he's getting too worked up. Ronnie said he doesn't give a shit.
Howard asked the caller if he's really retired FBI. The caller said he can't lie about that. He said only Ronnie can lie about that stuff. Ronnie did play an FBI agent on TV. Howard asked if Ronnie owes this guy an apology. Ronnie said no way. He said like he's supposed to believe what the guy says. Howard asked if he should be concerned about Ronnie. The caller said just let him keep doing what he's doing.
Howard asked if this case is closed. Robin said that it is even if Ronnie doesn't want to admit it.
Howard asked if Ronnie takes Viagra. Ronnie said he has tried it. Howard said he was singing about how he likes 100mg of Viagra in a karaoke thing. Ronnie said he didn't put that out. Howard said he has the audio of him singing about it. Ronnie said he has tried it. Howard said he's singing about it though. Howard said he doesn't need that stuff. Ronnie said he tries things and he tried that. Chris said it sounds like he needs Dean Cain's dick. Ronnie said he doesn't want Chris' dick. Howard said Ronnie puts his dick in asses just like Chris does. He told them to shake and make up. Ronnie said he's not going to do that. He said he's constantly calling him a fucking liar. He said he called him that a couple of times yesterday.
Howard asked if he would protect Chris in the hallway. Ronnie said he'll do what he has to do up there. Chris asked if he'd take a bullet for him. Ronnie said he has to go downstairs. Howard told Chris to go back and try to make up. Chris said he'll try.
Howard said Chris is the one who told him about this photo. He said he got a lot of email about that discussion yesterday. He said he has so much show today. He said he has to take a break first. They went to break after that.
A New Phony Phone Call And More. 10/23/18. 8:15am
After the break they played a ''Robin Quivers is Freddie Mercury'' commercial parody and a clip of people on the street commenting on the Ronnie/Dean Cain photo.
Howard came back and said the controversy continues on that photo. He took a call from a woman who said that she works with court ordered defendants and Ronnie sounds like them. She said they tell half truths and they know damn well they're making something up. She said she feels like she's at work hearing all of this.
Robin asked why Ronnie is so worried about being called a liar. Howard said that Chris said he was lying because he said he had no idea that was someone else's body. Jason said that he did say he didn't know at first. Robin said he was told but he didn't remember. Howard said Chris said he was lying and Ronnie got upset about that.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call. He said his is a Rocky Pendergast call to the Cathy show. Howard said last time this guy called in and went down in his yacht while on the line with Cathy. He said this time he's on a zeppelin when it goes down. He said Cathy seems quite gullible.
Howard played the call and Cathy took the call from this Rocky guy (Chris Wilding) who is on a zeppelin partying when the aircraft crashes. Rocky said he smells gas and they're handing out cigars and cigarettes. Cathy warned him to check out the gas first. Then Rocky lights up and the thing goes up in flames. Cathy told him to jump. She said this is the weirdest phone call she's ever had. She asked why he would light a match if he smelled gas. They went to break after that.
Howard said the lottery is a loser's game. He said your odds are very slim. He said he got tempted with the 1.6 billion though. He said his numbers are all computer generated. He said his father would tell him he's wasting his money. He did his impression of his dad telling him that he's never going to win. Howard said he feels like he's going to win. He said the tax rate bothers him. He said that the fucking maniacs in the mid-west complain about New Yorkers but they pay so much in tax that they're supporting them. He said to all of those who want to secede can try it and see how you do when the New Yorkers aren't paying taxes for them.
Robin said that they'll be another third world country that they'll have to support. Howard said when they have a disaster like a flood where do they think the money comes from. Howard said fuck you. He said that's where their money is coming from. He said calm fucking down. He said he's telling people to calm down when he's getting worked up.
Howard said his numbers are all randomly picked so no one else will have them, right? Robin said the computer could pick them for someone else. Howard said don't tell him that. He said if he buys a computer generated number here should not be more than one. Gary said with the volume of tickets sold it's more than likely that they will have duplicates. Howard said he should fire Gary over this. He bought him the tickets. He told Gary he's fired.
Howard took a call from a woman named Jackie and asked if she wants to play a game. Jackie said that she moved from New York to South Carolina and they hate New Yorkers down there. Howard said they're footing the bill for the entire country and they have to cut the bullshit. Howard said go pay for a bridge. He said he's sick of this anti-New York bullshit. He said he doesn't want to hear this shit. He said that it's like living off your parents for years and then calling them assholes. Robin said Tan Mom hates her parents and she still gets money from them. Howard said South Carolina has Tan Mom logic. He said he's not picking on South Carolina. He said he just can't remember the name of the states he wants to name.
Howard said he sees these assholes on TV talking about how they won't be replaced. He said they're kind of minimized because they're taking hand outs. He said he wants to see those people secede. He said they'd be walking around on gold streets if they got that money back.
Jackie told Howard about some friends who was in a store and they heard some people complaining about New Yorkers. She said that her friend freaked out on them saying that they wouldn't have any money without New Yorkers.
Howard said he's going to play a Lenny Dykstra This Or That Game with Jackie. Howard said the prize is $500 courtesy of Ring.com.
Howard said that Jackie has to answer 3 out of 5 correct. He said they asked Lenny if he would rather be peed on or shit on. He asked Jackie what she thinks. She said peed. Howard played Lenny's answer which was peed on. He said if they shit on him they're dead.
Howard said now it's time to play for real. He said they asked Lenny what's better, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones. Jackie said he'll pick the Stones. Howard played Lenny's answer which was the Rolling Stones, dude.
Howard said they asked Lenny if he would rather have sex with a blind or deaf girl. Howard asked what Lenny will say. Jackie said that she's going with blind. Howard said he'd rather be with a blind woman too. Robin said she thinks he'll say deaf. Jackie said she's sticking with blind. Robin said she thinks that Lenny wants to be seen so she can watch him. Howard played Lenny's answer which was blind girl. He said that he doesn't like girls looking up at him while they're blowing him. Howard said that Jackie knows Lenny very well.
Howard said they asked Lenny if he would rather have a blow job or intercourse. Jackie said she's going with BJ. Howard said he'd want straight sex all the way. He said that not everyone does it that well so why put them through it. Howard played Lenny's answer which was ''blow job.'' Howard said Jackie won her $500 thanks to Ring.com
Howard said he has to work in asking people what they do for a living. He said he has to be like Alex Trebeck. Jackie said she stays home and cooks and cleans. Howard put her on hold so the guys could get her information.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his rap about New York supporting the entire country is wrong. Howard said federal taxes and what they pay in are unreal. He said that they don't get back when they put in. Jason said he has a list in front of him. He said for every dollar a New Yorkers puts in they get 50 cents back. In Alabama they get 4 dollars back. The caller asked if they really send money to other states. Howard said that's how federal tax dollars work. The caller said it's a stupid rap and he says it over and over again. He said it's old. He said it's like telling actors and actresses that it's an aphrodisiac to be on the set of a movie. He said he just doesn't want to hear it over and over. Howard said the guy hung up because he's a coward.
Gary said he has a list of states that depend on the federal tax dollars and if you look at it you see that the northeast is supporting the rest of the country. Howard said he doesn't want to put on the news and see people complaining about New Yorkers.
Robin said she saw some protestors out and this woman drives by and yells about how she wants government out of her Medicare. Howard said that they'll take the government out of your life and see how that goes. He said Medicare is the government. Howard said that these people don't know who is paying their bills. He said he'd like some of his dough back and take it back from those states. Howard said that they'll be going back to dirt roads.
Howard had more Lenny clips to play. He said they asked if he would rather have a girl with hairy legs or hairy nipples. Lenny picked legs because they're going to be up in the air. Robin said she doesn't have Lenny logic. Robin said she's not even sure what he said.
Howard said they asked Lenny if he would rather have coffee or tea. Lenny picked coffee. Robin had picked that one so she got that right.
Howard said they asked Lenny if he would rather cut off his dick or throw a kid into burning oil. Howard said that's a weird one. Robin said he might want to cut off his dick to save a child. Howard said he thinks he's throwing the kid in. Howard played his answer and Lenny said he would save the kid. He said he'd cut off his dick.
Howard said they asked if he would cut off half his dick or one arm. Howard said he'd have to cut off half his dick. He played Lenny's answer which was half a dick. Lenny said he has his tongue.
Howard said they asked Lenny if he likes innie or outie vagina. Howard said they must be talking about flaps that look like roast beef. Howard said he thinks he wants innie. Howard said he likes that ''perfect slot.'' Howard played Lenny's answer which was the innie vagina. Lenny said it's hard to get your tongue in the clit if it's got extra skin there.
Howard said he has a bunch more but he'll save them for another time. He said he has to take a break and get to Jonah Hill.
Howard came back singing Black Hole Sun like a pirate. He said Jonah Hill is there. He said he always likes seeing him there. He said now he's a director. He said he's directing his own film. He said he looks good. He had a camel coat on. He asked what he's drinking. He had some Starbucks. Howard said he's a Dunkin Donuts guy. Jonah said he likes to hear Howard's coffee talk blossom. Jonah said he has 4 a day. He said he has anxiety and inability to sleep. He said he has terror thoughts too. He said it's exhausting to direct. Howard asked if he ever naps in the middle of the day. Jonah said when he acts he does but he has no time when he's directing.
Howard said he has a lot of responsibility when he directs. Jonah said the movie Mid90s is the movie they're talking about. He said the main star was 11 when they started so they only had a certain amount of time to shoot.
Howard said when you work with non actors it takes more to direct. Jonah said they also tell the truth so it works. Howard said when he did his movie he asked if he should get acting lessons. He said he was told not to and to just be himself. Jonah said he thinks it would have fucked him up. Howard said it was way harder than he thought. Jonah said his movie is a classic. He said the things that look effortless are the things that take the most to do. He said you kill yourself to make it look easy. He said you're not just hanging out. He said these young actors are amazing. He said he likes to make things challenging for himself. He said he likes to think that he could have just done the same thing over and over again. He said that this is about young kids and they're skate boarding so that's not easy. He said he put a huge target on himself. He said that they're also putting hip hop into it.
Howard said when Jonah was growing up skate boarding and movies and hip hop were the most important things for him. Jonah asked if he saw it. Howard said no one gave him shit. He said this happens with them all the time. Jonah said he was so exited to talk to him about it. Howard said the studios think he's going to bootleg his film and put it on the black market. Jonah said he's the one guy who he wanted to see it.
Howard said Jonah contacted Trent Reznor to score his movie and he asked him to do it for free? Jonah said not really in that way. He said that he's sure he gets some back end in the show somehow. He said that this is an independent film. He said that they have Herbie Hancock's ''Watermelon Man'' in the movie. Howard said that's a great one. Jonah said he loved that song. He said he's passionate about that stuff.
Howard asked about Trent Reznor and how that worked. Jonah said that he loved The Social Network's score. He said he liked the way it was cold and disconnected. He said that he wondered how they would score this film and they did it for him. He said their manager is Amos Newman who is Randy Newman's son. He said he thinks Howard would like that little fact.
Howard said that Jonah's father was the manager for bands. Jonah said he was an accountant for Axl Rose. He said he had the advantage of growing up in Los Angeles and understanding that movies are tangible. He said in Roosevelt Long Island they may not be.
Howard said his father thought he was insane wanting to be on radio. He said Jonah is saying that in L.A. you can be in show business and people won't think you're nuts. Jonah said he saw that and it was a huge benefit for him. He said people think that his dad being an accountant for Guns N Roses means more than it actually did.
Jonah said that when he was growing up his first albums were hip hop albums. He said that he learned about rock and roll later on like when he was 18. Jonah said he'd love to spend time with him and play him like 10 hip hop songs to teach him about that stuff. Howard said he doesn't want to hear it.
Howard said Jonah's sister is an actress too. Jonah said his dad is cool and quiet. He said he acquaints that with generous. He said he's an internal man and he gives him a lot of credit for that. Jonah said his sister was in Ladybird. He said he's glad he started directing because he has about 20 hours before no one gives a shit about him. He said his sister is 10 years younger than him and he wouldn't have made it through life without her. He said when he meets her he'll know. He said she's gifted. He said she surpassed him at 14-15 years old. He said that she's the best friend he's ever had in his life.
Jonah said he wanted to be a writer and director but he fell into that acting career. He said his sister wanted to be an actor way before he did. He said she stared at 3 or so.
Howard said his brother was an amazingly accomplished guy too. He said he managed Maroon 5 and got him that gig on that show. Jonah said Adam says hi. Howard asked if he loved his brother. Jonah said he misses and loves him and he wishes he was there. He said that Adam was like a brother to him too.
Howard said there has to be some sibling rivalry there since his brother was managing Adam. Jonah said that he is his brother. He said their dads met when they were in high school at 14. He said Adam's dad has a clothing company. He said that he lives in New York and he'll go visit Adam out in L.A. He said he really is like a brother to him. Howard said his wife Behati is hot. Jonah said he interviewed her for a magazine article. He said she's beautiful but she's the woman you'd want to marry your brother. He said he literally married Adam and Behati. Howard asked if Adam can last with this marriage. Jonah said absolutely. He said he's not sure what anyone is going to do tomorrow but he thinks so.
Howard asked about Leonardo DiCaprio who is dating a hot chick. Howard said this kid knows what he's doing. He said he's on a roll. Jonah said he's saving the world too. Howard said he likes his idealistic ways too. Jonah said that he works really hard at saving the environment. Howard asked if he could ever get married. Jonah said he'd have to ask him.
Howard said he should hang with him and Leo. Jonah said Bradley Cooper is an amazing guy too. Howard said he just directed a film and hit over $100 million. Jonah said he went in the other direction of his directing.
Howard said he went to Martin Scorsese's house to find out his thoughts on directing. Howard said he gave him like the whole day. Jonah said it was like 4 hours. He said he had a 15 year film school. He said that Howard knows from working with Ivan and Betty. He said it's all an education. He said he hears him talking about Ivan Reitman and he knows how much he absorbed from working with him. He said that he's worked with all of these great directors and he absorbed so much. He said the biggest one was with Scorsese. He said he worked with him for 7 months.
Howard asked why Scorsese is so good. Jonah said it's like chess and you have 4 hours to make your move without a clock. He said you make the best move you can. He said then you do it with the clock and do it in 30 seconds. He said that Martin is like the guy playing with a 30 second clock. He said it takes him that time to fix problems in that time. He said that it's just solving issues constantly and that's what makes him great.
Howard asked what he told him in that 4 hours. Jonah said they talked about what the movie is and why he's making it. He said they talked about what it was about and how you maintain that tone and reality and all of that.
Howard asked if they talk about making a big box office. Jonah said not at all. He said that it's not one of those movies. He said this is his heart and it took 4 years of his life to get it done. He said he looks at people who have incredible directing careers for comedy and you look at their first films and you see it meant something to them.
Howard asked if he's afraid that on some level that they're going to pan his directorial debut. Jonah said they went to two film festivals and got standing ovations at both. He said the cool move is to shit on him.
Jonah said no one knows anything about anyone. He said that's what the movie was about. He said that you don't want to trade your life for someone else's though. He said he sat in a room for four years and this movie was his best friend in those times. He said this means something to him. He said he doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks about it because he loves it and stands by it.
Howard said the editing room is the big thing. Jonah said he loves it. He said that the shooting is the least important part. Howard asked if he could become a massive pain in the ass if he goes back to acting. Jonah said he was a pain in the ass when he was young. He said that when he was young he felt attacked. Jonah said Howard can be hard on people.
Jonah said he was doing Bill Simmons' podcast and they were talking about Howard. Howard asked what his budget was. Jonah said it was far under 10. Howard asked if he can make a good one with that kind of money. Jonah said he thinks that you can and you just need your heart in it.
Jonah said he wants to talk about sensitivity. He said Robin looks so bored over there. Robin said she's not at all. Jonah said he hopes that Howard directs something. Howard said he wrote Howard Stern the High School Years. He said that never got off the ground though. Jonah said that this film has a lot of funny moments but a lot of hard to watch moments too. Howard said he's sold him on this movie.
Jonah said he and Bill Simmons were talking about Howard. Howard asked who gave him the money for this film. Jonah said that a company called Waypoint. Howard asked if they gave him notes. Jonah said they did 20 drafts. Howard said he has to see this movie. He asked if there is sexual activity. Jonah said there is and it's between a 13 year old and an older woman. He said it's controversial. He said there's a lot of homophobia and things like that in there too. He said this kid is terrified during his sexual moment and he ends up enjoying it because of the way his friends acted toward that. He said he showed how gnarly it was in the 90s and he has a hard time watching it but that's the point.
Howard said Jonah was on with Bill Simmons and he told him that he was more sensitive than even Jonah Hill. Jonah said he listens to the show and he hears Howard say things that are tough to hear. He said he did this zine and he got famous when he was in his teens. He said he was overweight and he took a lot of shit for that. He said he had to go away for 4 years. He said he realized who he is as a person and an artist. He said he doesn't' give a shit about what people think of him.
Howard said he's more of an every day guy. Jonah said that women have it a billion times harder than he has it. He said that it's hard to hear himself being the butt of a joke. He said that it really fucked up his sense of who he was. Howard said he's too sensitive to read Twitter. Jonah said that's okay. He said it's why there are crimes happening and people are getting hit with this sexual stuff. He said he does comedy movies as a kid and then he does serious stuff and people call him out on that. He said if he does something good they call him out on it. Howard said he sees pictures of him with a hot chick and people must say he doesn't deserve her. Jonah said he's saying that shit hurts and he's never apologizing for who he is or what he makes. He said we'd all be a lot happier if that never happens.
Howard asked Jonah what he has learned from this. Jonah said that he just wants some respect on a human level. He said treat him like a human and he'll treat you like a human no matter who you are.
Howard asked if he worried about his own health when he lost his brother. Jonah said that it's been 4 or 5 years now that he's been thing to get healthy. He said he's trying to quit smoking and it's tough. Howard asked how many he's smoking a day. Jonah said it's probably 8 or 10 a day. Howard asked if he's worried about gaining weight. Jonah said he's not. He said he's a human being and you just put one foot ahead of the other.
Howard said he quit when he was very young. He said you can't possibly want to smoke. Jonah said he tried to quit early on and they told him to maybe wait until the end of the press tour. Howard asked if he drinks. Jonah said he just doesn't party. He said he likes to be healthier. He said he likes to be in a good mood. Howard kept asking if he had a problem. Jonah kept saying that he likes to be in a good mood. Howard said he wants to go to an AA meeting and see if he can find him there. He said it sounds like fun.
Howard asked if he smokes weed. Jonah said doesn't like the feeling from that. Jonah said that he's all for people doing whatever the fuck they want. He said he's hosting Saturday Night Live next week and they asked him to shave. Howard asked why he has to do that. Jonah said you can't play many characters if you have a beard. Howard said he'll go with that. Jonah said he's hosting on November 3rd. Howard asked if he was ever nervous on camera. Jonah said of course. He said he'll be nervous that night they do Saturday Night Live.
Howard asked Jonah if he's going to be crushed if the movie doesn't do well. Jonah said it's already been received well so it's exciting. Howard asked if he showed it to Bradley Cooper. Jonah said he saw the firs cut. He said that Martin Scorsese shows his stuff to get notes. He said they all do it. Howard said Bradley asked him for notes on his movie. He said he asked Robin too. Howard said he invited him and Robin to see it.
Jonah said the only reward is the process of making a film. He said that it's hard to stick to that. He said that you want this validation. He said that the process is the reward. He said Howard would have retired if he thought that it was more than the process.
Howard asked if he's going back to acting. Jonah said sure. He said he's gotten scripts. He said when you spend 4 years on something you have to go out and promote it. He said you're excited to talk about it after 4 years. Jonah said the movie is called Mid90s and it's out on Friday.
Howard said he got Trent Reznor to do the score. Jonah said he's never even met him. He said they did it all away from each other. He said that the guy is amazingly professional. He said he and Atticus Ross are so professional. He said that he was scared shitless that they were going to hand him something he doesn't like. He said Trent said he had to give him direction and notes. He said he had to do that. He said he asked him to change some things. He said he wasn't mature enough to do this until now. He said he had to be very serious and direct him on what to do. Jonah said they have a Nirvana Unplugged song in it and that meant a lot to him.
Howard said that he keeps seeing him with Emma Stone on Netflix. Jonah said that she's great. He said she's just filled with love. Howard said he's filled with love for her. Jonah said that she's really funny. He said that Superbad was her first movie and she came in and auditioned and they all thought she was a great actor. He said she was only 17 years old. He said the kids in Mid90s are becoming stars now too. He said back then they were all becoming stars and now these kids are becoming stars.
Howard said that Emma Stone comes in and auditions and they all saw how great she was. Howard asked if he's supposed by her success. Howard asked if she's married. Jonah said that he's not sure. He said he has to ask her. He said he doesn't like to speak for other people. He said it sets you up for saying something wrong. Howard said Jonah is a pretty together person. He said he stays in touch with her and all of these people. Jonah said he's like a therapist. He said you can have deep conversations with someone. He said if he doesn't see someone for a long time he'll get right into the deep shit with them when he does see them.
Howard said Jonah was a good skate boarder as a kid. Jonah said he was terrible. He said he filmed people skating. He said that there aren't a lot of great Jewish skate boarders. He said he's 34 now and he has bad knees. He said that they always butcher that stuff on film. He said he just didn't want to make them look stupid. Howard said he has to watch this movie. He said he'll check it out.
Howard said he knows how to put a story together. Jonah said Howard looks very young. He said he feels he's aged. He asked if he thinks you see what you look like. Howard said no. Jonah said that's what fucks him up so much. He said they'll call him a fat fuck and he just realizes that he's ugly no matter what. Howard said he's so sensitive. Jonah said he has to think about what he's saying about people. He said you think about destroying other people when you think they're going to attack you.
Howard said that Jonah was upset about something Jimmy Kimmel said to him. Jonah said that he said that he smelled good when he walked out. He said that it hurt him because he acted like he shouldn't smell good. He said he just heard it like a joke about him. He said they had it out over email. He said he just anted to go on and do the show.
Jonah told Howard about what he felt Jimmy did to him and how they had it out and he's all good. Howard said he could see he was upset on camera. Jonah said no one wants to be made fun of. He said he hurt a friend who called him out for hurting him and he got really upset about that. Howard asked who this friend was. Jonah said it was a friend who is in the film. He said he said he was from a different neighborhood than he was from and that hurt the guy. Jonah said it was just a mistake to him but to his friend it was hurtful. He said as his friend he had to sit there and listen to what he had to say about it. He said that he had to spend his time being a good friend to him and just listen to him. He said he learned a great lesson from that.
Howard asked what's going on with his love life. He asked if he's in love. Jonah said he is in love with Howard and Robin. Howard said look at him man to man. Jonah said he's not embarrassed by this. He said he is in love. Howard said he's flying low under the radar. Jonah said he's in love with the film making process.
Howard said he must be in love with Ariana Grande. Jonah said he's not going to announce anything. He said he has learned not to say anything like that. Howard said he heard that he's dating Jennifer Lawrence. Jonah said he isn't. He said she's dating a friend of his.
Howard said Jonah is famous now and he is a triple threat. He said that he's Academy Award nominated. He asked if he was upset he lost. Jonah said he was at the time. He said he lost to Christopher Plumber and Jared Leto. Howard asked if he had a speech and everything. Jonah said he did. He said if you write one then it's like you think you're going to win.
Howard asked if he's a good boyfriend. Jonah said he is a good person. Howard asked how we can be better people. Jonah said just listen. He said he's under construction and he'd love to get married and have kids some day. He said he is an uncle and he loves being around the kids.
Howard asked Jonah how long he can last in a room with the kids. Jonah said forever. He said they're 9 and 11 and they like the same stuff as him. He said he got to show them The Simpsons. He said he thinks that's the greatest comedy writing ever. He said seasons 3-11 are the best. He said he was a voice on one episode. He said he never submitted anything to them though.
Howard asked Jonah if he meets a woman and if there's someone who introduces him or does he meet them on his own. Jonah said it can be any of those things. He said that it can be someone vouching for someone. He said he ends up opening up too quick to people. He said every day is an education for him though.
Jonah said he heard Sarah Silverman on the show yesterday and he thought that was great. He said that she was brutal toward him on the James Franco roast they did together. Howard asked what got to him. Jonah said it was fat jokes and they were so brutal. He said he was brutal to her too though. He said that she was saying that he was unfair for making fun of her as an aging woman. He said that they were both hurt and neither of them liked it. He said her mind is too great. He said that he loves to laugh. He said comedy can be hard for him. He said he loves to laugh.
Howard went over what they learned today. He said that Jonah wants people to go see this film. Howard said he thinks that this film is going to be good. He said that it's R rated. He asked if they see breasts. Jonah said no. He said it's about growing up. Robin said she likes a good coming of age movie. Howard asked if there's a character named ''Fuckshit.'' Jonah said there is. Howard said they learned a lot about this movie today. He said they have a lot to think about. Jonah said it's called ''Mid90s.''
Howard said that Jonah didn't say what gender he's in love with. He said he assumes it's a woman. Howard said he loves Fred. He said that might be gay. Jonah asked if he thinks he has a fairy tale view of romance. Howard said he thinks he has a realistic view of love. He said he knows what he has and he knows what's fantasy. He said he's like Beetlejuice.
Howard and Jonah spent a few minutes giving each other therapy. Jonah asked if there is growth from how he loved himself 20 years ago. Howard said there is. He said he's more aware of what he needs. Jonah asked if it's something he can give himself. Howard said it's very complex. He said he doesn't have the answers. Jonah said no one does.
Howard said it never gets less confusing. He said there is some self acceptance. He said he doesn't know it all though.
Howard took a call from Jonah's girlfriend who wanted to announce their relationship. It was Wendy the Slow Adult clips. Howard asked her if she is going out with Jonah and Wendy was saying yes to everything. The guys were playing her answers while Howard asked the questions.
Howard asked Jonah to give them something secret. Jonah wasn't giving up anything. Howard said he's trying to figure out life. Jonah who isn't. Howard said he doesn't like to be made fun of. He said he's in a feud with Jimmy Kimmel. Jonah said if he has anything to say to Jimmy he should say it privately. Howard said come on, Jimmy likes it when he's mentioned.
Jonah said every headline yesterday was about Sarah and what she said about Louis C.K.. Howard asked if he's aware of Ronnie photoshopping his head on Dean Cain's body. Jonah said he saw that too. He said it freaks him out when he has Ronnie greeting him outside the building. He said it's like if Rerun meets you outside. He said it's a character from the show.
Howard said he's going to see this movie of his. He said he went to Martin Scorsese to get advice. Jonah asked if he's ever had Albert Brooks on the show. Howard said he has. Jonah said he's got a great mind.
Howard gave Jonah more plugs and wrapped up with him. He asked where he's going next. Jonah said he thinks he's going to talk to Sway on Shade45. Howard said that should be interesting talking about hip hop with Sway. Howard said he likes Jonah a lot. Jonah said he has respect for Howard too. Howard said Jonah is a good man. He asked if he's going to do the Cousin Brucie show. He did his impression of Brucie.
Howard said he wants to meet his sister Beanie too. Jonah said that she's great. He said that she supports him as a person. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard had Fred play a song to get Robin into her news. It was to the tune of the Columbia pictures theme. Howard had one to the theme of the Paramount pictures theme too. Howard said they did Universal and Disney too. Howard played the Disney song too. Robin said she doesn't want to hear any of these.
Robin started her news saying they should start the news with the National Anthem every day. She had Howard play a guy performing the song in a different way.
Robin read a story about the election melding in 2016. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with this Russia thing. He said he wishes that these conservative assholes would remember that they're our enemy. He said they believe in killing journalists and enslaving people. He said they're against everything we're for. Howard said everyone is running around loving Russia. Robin read more about the Russian meddling and how they did it according to this study. Robin said lets stop being led around by the nose. Howard said they spend all day watching NFL so stop letting it bother you. Robin said they're just being easy prey for these bots.
Howard said they have to stop with the National Anthem performances. He had one of Rachel Platten fucking it up at an event. She forgot the lines. Howard had a guy fucking it up at another event. They forgot the words too. Howard wondered why they can't remember the 200 year old lyrics. Robin said it's one of those songs maybe they think they know and don't have to study.
Robin read a story about the Willis Clan who was on America's Got Talent. Robin had some audio of Howard talking to the group on America's Got Talent. Robin said they came forward saying that they were being physically abused by their dad. Robin said the father was arrested for raping an underage girl. Robin said this wasn't one of their kids but someone outside of the family. Robin had some audio and more details for Howard.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard how much he appreciates the show. He said Howard and Robin are great. Howard said there's no need to say anything about Fred. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a 49 year old man who allegedly groped a woman on a flight on Sunday. Robin said that he justified his behavior saying that the President says it's okay to grab women by the private parts. Robin said the man is from Tampa and the woman claims that this man grabbed the right side of her breast while she was asleep. She felt the touching of fingers on her bra. Howard said how about guys. He asked what the turn on is there. Howard said Trump never said anything about grabbing tittie. He said he said it was grabbing the pussy and it's only when you're famous.
Robin said she has more details about Laura Silverman who dated Louis C.K. for a short time when she was 18. Robin said Laura responded to a post and said that she had a man masturbate in front of her at 18 and then with Louis C.K. before he became famous. Robin said she says he did it about 20 times. They did date but they broke up before this trip they were on. Howard asked if this came out because of what Sarah said yesterday. Robin said she thinks it was an indirect thing. Robin read more details about what Laura said. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked if Howard knows the name Roman Reigns. Howard didn't know. He ended up singing Prince's Purple Rain about Roman Reigns. Robin said he's a professional wrestler. She said last night he made an announcement. She had audio for Howard to play. Roman came out and said his real name is Joe and he's been living with Leukemia for 11 years and it's back. Most people quieted down but one guy was screaming. Joe said he can't fight anymore so he's stepping down. Howard said wrestling fans are idiots. He said his grandpa was a butcher and he loved wrestling. He said he was a maniac. He said he had to tell him it wasn't real. Howard said they're reacting to this like it's part of the story line. Howard said he feels bad for the guy and he seems like a good dude. He said he hopes he gets through it. He said that's a tough illness. Robin said he beat it in 2008 and he's been wrestling for a few years now. Now it's back and he has to take time off for treatment. Howard had a clip of a wrestler getting upset and tells a wrestler that it's real to him as he breaks down.
Howard took a call from Dean Cain (High Pitch Erik) who was upset about the Ronnie photo. Howard let him do his thing for a minute and then took a call from Gonzo Shitcock who said that Erik is trying to adopt a dog. Erik said he's just starting trouble. Shuli came in and said that Erik is lying. He said he has texts to prove it. He said that Erik wrote him that if he's getting a dog then he's going to get one. Howard said they had to take a dog away from Erik. He said he told him if he gets a dog he's never allowed on the show. He said he's going to ban him from the show. Gonzo said he only wants one because he's getting one. Howard asked Erik why he has to get one. Erik said Gonzo isn't in any shape to get one either. He said he has a tiny apartment. Gonzo said he's moving in a month and he's going to have a yard.
Erik said that Gonzo said he's going to leave the dog in his yard by itself if he leaves town. He said he has proof of that. Howard said forget Gonzo for a second. He said Erik doesn't have a yard or a place to live. He said he's criticizing Gonzo over this stuff and he should be doing that about himself. Shuli asked if he owned a turtle. Erik said he had a frog that jumped out of the tank. He said the water was too high. Howard asked what happened to that dog he had. Shuli said that was Sadie. Erik said the ASPCA had to come and take it. Shuli said that he had a cat the chewed its way through a screen and disappeared. Shuli said every pet he's ever owned has been a disaster.
Howard asked if Erik is going to try to get a dog. Erik said he's not. He said Gonzo just likes to cause trouble. Howard said he can't kill Gonzo for getting a dog. Erik said that he likes to start with him and get him very upset. Howard asked what it has to do with him if Gonzo gets a dog. Erik said he likes to upset him. Howard asked why he gets so crazy where he's threatening people's lives. Gonzo said all he told him was not to get a dog until he has a place to live. He said he's getting a house so he can have one. He said Erik can't handle it. Erik said if he gets a stable place he can't even get one. He said he'll be banned from the show.
Howard said how about stop talking to Gonzo if he upsets him so much. He said he upsets him so much he threatens his life but he keeps talking to him. Shuli said it's so strange but that's what he does with a lot of people. Erik was asking Gonzo about him coming to visit him with the dog and asking if he'll pay for him to fly to see the dog.
Shuli said he has another sorry about Erik. He said that woman Jolie down in Atlanta told him that she won't have time for him if he visits when there's a game going on. He said Erik went to Atlanta and he got a friend of her's to get him into the game and he was at the same game Jolie was at. Erik said he bought a ticket for him and his friend. Howard asked where he's getting this money. Erik said it was only $200 round trip. Howard said this is too much to follow for him.
Howard asked why Erik threatens people so much. Erik said people get him angry. Howard had Ralph on the phone. Ralph said for this guy to get an animal is just abuse. He said he was in his apartment once and it was so disgusting. He said there were balls of dirt and grime in there and it was so disgusting. Howard said that's why he said he's not allowed on the show if he gets a dog. Ralph said he shouldn't be allowed to have any kind of pet. Howard asked what Erik makes of this. Erik said he agrees with him. He said he has a program that's going to allowed him to get stable housing. Ralph asked if it's prison. Erik said he won't get a dog because he knows better. Ralph said he lives disgustingly. Howard said he understands.
Gonzo said Erik just said today he's getting a dog. Erik said he didn't say it. Erik said it wasn't today. Shuli said that he did say it yesterday. Howard asked what time he said it today. Gonzo said he said he was getting one tomorrow but he said that yesterday so he's saying that he's getting it today. Shuli read the texts he had in his High Pitch Erik voice.
Howard said Erik raise your right hand and say that you'll never get another animal in your apartment. Erik did that. Shuli said he's banned from there if he does. Shuli said he should ban him from Blue Bloods. Howard said he'll call Donnie and ban him from that show too. He said that he'll tell them that he's no longer allowed on that show. Gonzo asked about what happens if he has a stable living situation. Howard said no way, it doesn't matter. Howard said he'll ban him from all of those New Kids on the Block shows too. He said he's playing hard ball here. He said he doesn't have the income to pay for vet bills or even dog food. Erik said he gets it.
Erik apologized to Gonzo for his threats. He said he's also going to Lenny Dykstra's court hearing. Erik was going on and on. Howard asked where he's going with this. Shuli said nowhere. He said he spent 17 minutes with Erik yesterday on this. He said Erik thinks that they're buddies because they both threaten each other. Howard said he doesn't think Lenny needs him there. He said just stay out of it. Erik said Lenny wants him there. Howard said go then.
Howard let Mariann from Brooklyn yell at Erik a bit. Mariann said she's been going through this for 20 years. She said shell call the ASPCA on him if he gets a dog. She said he can not have any pets. Howard hung up on her. He said they just went through that.
Robin said no one wants him to have a dog. Howard said even Robin. He said he can't have a dog. Erik said he can watch Beth's Instagram and enjoy Beth's cats. Howard said go to a dog park and watch the dogs there. He said maybe someone will let him pet their dog. He said go visit Gonzo and pet his dog. Erik asked him to fly him out there. Howard said he's not going to fly him.
Shuli asked if he's still losing weight. Erik said yes. He said he's at 282 pounds. Howard said people there think Al Sharpton got his stomach stapled. Gary said he went from 310 pounds to like 130. Howard said he looks like a different person. He said he used to be scared of him because he was so big. He said he's not scared of him anymore.
Howard said he has to get back to news. He told Erik no dogs. He said that was an intervention. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a death threat made against a woman who played Melania Trump in a T.I. music video. Robin said the woman appeared to be going into the Oval Office and stripping. Robin said Melania is upset about the video and she's calling for a boycott of T.I. Howard said he wants to see this video. Robin said she saw some of it. She knows that Melania is upset about it. Robin said the woman's name is Melanie Martin. Robin had some audio of an Instagram post that the woman made.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump supporting Ted Cruz. Robin had some audio where Trump was bashing Cruz a couple of years ago. Robin said now he's in full support of Cruz. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about Ted. Robin said this is why you can't take anything Trump says seriously. She said this happens all the time with him. Robin had some audio clips of Trump talking about LGBTQ rights.
Robin read a story about baseball games that are starting tonight. Howard said he doesn't have the time to put into watching those games. He said he's not a real man. He said he's non gender specific. He said he's ''they'' and his wife doesn't call him ''he'' anymore. He said he was at the Knicks game and Tracy Morgan knows so much. He said he knows nothing. He said he had to look up information the car while he was on his way to the game. He said his wife asked him what he was doing and he said he had to cram for it just in case someone asked him about the game.
Robin read a story about Amy Schumer being pregnant. Robin had some details about how she broke the news over Instagram.
Robin read a story about how Rosie O'Donnell is engaged now. Howard said he went to dinner with her and her fiancee. Robin read some details about that too.
Robin read about how the Jerry Springer show is going to morph into a judge show. Robin said it will be Judge Jerry and he'll probably be in the same time slot that he's in now. Howard said he was offered a judge show. He said he heard about how much money Judge Judy makes and he wondered why he's wasting time on this. Gary said Jerry went off the air in June and he new show starts next year. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was just reading the email from yesterday's show. He said a lot of idiots listen. He said the people who write him are morons but not all of them. He said he pointed out yesterday that New Yorkers pay the taxes. He said he was talking about the tax system and how the states who don't want government have no idea it's New York who helps support them. He said he was pointing out that they all pay in for federal tax but when you take money out of the system New Yorkers don't get as much back as other states. He said there are states that get $4 back for every dollar they put in. He said New York gets 50 cents. He said Trump also got rid of the tax deduction for New York for next year.
Howard said he got a lot of hate mail about what he said yesterday. He said they don't get the same amount back. He said we all pay in the same percentage.
Howard said he was convinced he was going to win the lottery. He said he learned he had to split it with someone from South Carolina. He said it turns out he didn't win anything. He said it's so boring checking those tickets. Robin said a lot of people don't claim their winnings. Howard said he had Jon Hein check over his tickets for him. He said he watched over him as he did it. He said he lost. He said he didn't get the million dollar pay out even. Robin said he doesn't' even know the rules. Howard said it's a sucker's game.
Howard said they did a bit on the radio years ago where they figured out that you never see anyone who came from a middle class background win the lottery. He said then you can say maybe less of them play. He said that the winners are from Hispanic communities and places like that. He said they bought lottery tickets in a Hispanic area. Gary said they called in a Suffolk county area and played their numbers. Robin said we still didn't win. Howard said they didn't but it was worth a try.
Howard said Gary went to the worst place to buy tickets. He said he wants his $100 back from Gary. He said he went to the wrong place. He said they were talking about where you go to buy tickets and there are long lines. He said Gary owes him $1.6 billion. He said he'll take it out in increments.
Howard said in order to make the line move fast you ask for computer generated numbers. He said there are people who have their own system and they have their own numbers. He said Shuli is one and he didn't win anything. He said that Shuli figured out that the numbers are two low numbers and two that are close in the middle. He said he figured it out but he still didn't win.
Howard said those guys ask for these numbers that slows the whole line down. Robin said that's the daily number that you can play. Howard said you can pick your own numbers on this too. Robin said you have to scratch a card to play that. Gary said Robin is correct but at this place they had to tell the guy their numbers. Gary said the guy in front of him in Connecticut was written down on scrap paper and they had to wait for the guy to finish giving his numbers. Robin asked why they have to give the numbers. Howard said you know that guy is an idiot. He said he thinks he's figured the whole thing out.
Howard said Sal's dad was convinced that his late grandfather was going to send him the winning numbers in his dreams. He said that Sal had to sleep with paper by his bed to write down numbers just in case he came to him. Sal came in and said that he had to ask his grandma for numbers before h went to sleep. Howard asked if he played this time. Sal said he played $2. Howard said shame on anyone who spent more than that on this game.
Howard said it's funny that a dead person would know the lottery numbers. Howard asked if Sal has a new hairstyle. Sal said it's cold out so he just flattened it out. Howard said he looks like Clark Kent. Sal said he's super douche.
Howard said he was about to throw out his numbers and he told him to save them. He said that he has to sit with them because there might be a mistake. Howard said he's going to throw them out. Sal's dad has thousands of them under a couch cushion. Sal said they're everywhere. He said it looks like a ticker tape parade.
Gary said they found a second winning ticket. He said that the second one is in Hauppauge Long Island. Howard said he just wants some good solid stocks to buy. He said fuck the lotto. Sal said his dad used to have homeless people fill out lottery number tickets. He said he figured they were down on their luck and they might win. Sal said his father spent every dollar on those tickets. He said he has notebooks full of numbers. He said he'll pause the TV to get numbers off the screen. He said he thinks it's all signs. He said his mom can't watch TV because of that.
Howard said Stephen Hawking came up with theories and Sal's dad comes up with theories that are useless. He said it's amazing he even shows up for work.
Howard asked if it ever gets dark and his dad uses numbers from Sandy Hook or things like that. Sal said on 9/11 they had that number and also used flight 584 that went missing. He said he put like $100 on that. Howard asked if he ever tried telling him he's wasting the money doing that. Sal said no. Howard said if he spent all of that money on a good stock he'd have all of this money. Sal said he'd have all of these tickets and he'd have the family checking the numbers for him. He said they'd sit there thinking they'd win.
Howard said his dad would use his money to buy Disney stock. He said his stock would split and he'd make good money doing that. Howard said he was around a common sense kind of guy. He said Sal was around this guy and it's no wonder he's a moron. He said it's not Sal's fault he's an imbecile. He asked if he feels better. Sal said not really.
Sal said he had Mexican jumping beans as a kid and his father took them and used them to jump on a layout of numbers for lottery numbers. He had the things picking his numbers. Howard got a laugh out of that.
Howard said Sal's dad is on the phone. Fake Sal's dad called in and picked some numbers on the phone. He said he plays all of his kid's birthdays. He said he has 300 kids. He told Howard their names which were names like Breadsticks Governale and things like that.
Howard said he has another lottery story that's so compelling. He said Richard and Benjy went out to buy tickets the other day. He said like all losers they go buy tickets. Howard said they go out on the street and Richard reports back on this. He said they went out on the street and Benjy did a great routine. He said he ran up and down the line asking for numbers. He said then he went into a routine where he got his tickets and he tried to buy the tickets from the guy behind him. Howard asked if they recorded it. He said Richard just said ''What?'' Robin said he's telling him all of these things and they didn't record it. Howard said Richard said neither of them recorded it. He said they finally did something good and they didn't record it.
Howard said all Benjy does is write during the show. He said he wanted to ask him about it and he wasn't there yet before the show. He said Richard should have recorded it. He said he didn't know he was going to do that so he didn't have a recorder. He said he pisses and vomits and he just takes out his phone and records it. He said Richard knows how to do that. He said he didn't have a recording device.
Howard said Benjy is always trying to get on the show and he didn't record it. He said he's loser-ish. Sal said he's holding up the line too. Howard said somehow Richard records crying babies and diarrhea and stuff but not this.
Gary said Benjy comes in his office like 5 times a day to get on and he just asked if he has a response and he said no.
Howard said no one would put up with Benjy. He said he's not a go getter. He said according to Richard Benjy was a scream yesterday. They didn't record it.
Howard said he's sure this is Benjy's last job. He said no one would put up with this guy. He said he was so red and blotchy the other day. Sal said it's severe ''roatia.'' Howard said that's a country where Gypsies live. He said it's ''Rosacea.'' Sal said that's another one of his sisters. They played a song parody about Benjy's blotchy rash after that.
Howard asked Benjy why he didn't record that bit. Benjy came in pissed that he was talking about his face. Howard said he's all red and has zits on his face. Benjy said his teeth are too white. Howard said he's keeping his job afloat and he's attacking him? Benjy said yes. Howard said he's keeping his job there. He said he's a fat blob who's sloppy. He asked what's the matter with him. He said his fake teeth are better than his. He said don't come in there on fire when he's not thinking of the show. Richard was in laughing too. Howard said that's a good one Benjy. He said brilliant comeback.
Howard told Benjy to get the fuck out. Benjy said he says shit all the fucking time. Howard said he didn't tape for the show so he doesn't have the right to attack him. He said goof on him all you want if you produce. He asked what he's doing on that line if he's not doing something for the show. He said that he'll get thick skin if he produces for the show.
Richard said that the bit was so fast he didn't even have time to record it. Howard said Benjy can goof on his teeth when he produces. Howard said Lorne Michaels has a job for Benjy. He took a call from fake Lorne who said they'd like to hire Benjy to clean the toilets over there. Howard said this guy is fired too by the way.
Benjy said the bit they did wasn't brilliant. He said it was real. Howard said he's funny when there's a tape recorder on. He said they don't hang out with him but he's not funny off the air. He said he's not being paid. He said he's a miserable fuck. He said he could be funny on Twitter but he's saving it for the show. He said fuck Twitter.
Howard said if he's on line for tickets he's playing it straight. He said there's no audience. Richard said he didn't mean to be funny but he thinks he's hilarious. Richard said it happened within 10 seconds. Robin asked how long it took him to tell him about Benjy. Howard said he stared yesterday. He said they were on line for hours. Howard said tape it if he's being funny. He said less excuses and goofing on the boss.
Howard told Benjy to come up with something better to goof on him with if he's going to do that. He said come in with some good material and he can have 5 minutes of goofing. He kicked Benjy out of the studio a few seconds later. He said just put the recorder on when they do something funny. He asked what the fuck is with this guy. He said it's complete chaos around there.
Howard said he's just saying if you do something funny then record it. He said he's sorry he had to do that in front of Robin. Robin said that was not fun to watch. Howard said it was not.
Howard asked Fred why he doesn't come to his defense. Fred said he does a good job. Howard said he's all alone at the top there. Fred said next time he'll say something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Benjy crossed the line with that comment. He said anywhere else he would have been fired. He said you don't come in and start doing that to your boss. Howard said this kid Benjy, who isn't a kid anymore because he's in his 50s. He said that he hired the guy out of college and he hasn't worked anywhere else. He said that he might be a dick head but he's employed the guy since he got out of college. The caller said if he hadn't hired Benjy he'd be working at McDonald's or something. Howard said no way because he'd have to show up on time. He said they can't get to work on time and obey orders. The caller said Benjy should come in there and thank him for saving his ass. Howard said he's never done that.
Howard said he wishes some of these guys could go work for someone else. Robin said they have that wife shop show and they could do an employee swap. Howard said that's what they need to do. He said imagine if he fucked up working for Jeff Bezos and called him a bald asshole. He said he'd be fired. Robin said Benjy is thinking it's the same thing to criticize his teeth when he says something about his face. Robin said if he's earning his keep then maybe he has a comeback. He said he's never equaled what Howard has done, ever.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was laughing his ass off at the Sal thing and then it changed when Benjy came in. He said Benjy has no respect. He said he's so ungrateful. He said that sometimes the shtick is funny but this got him to call in.
Gary said Brent wanted to make the point that the punishment was severe over at Bubba's show. He said that he got shot in the eye with a paintball just for writing something down wrong. Howard said they should call Bubba and find out what kind of punishment they should use on them. Robin said how about sending him down to his show to punish him. Gary said Brent got strapped to a wheel and they threw shit at him. Howard said Benjy goofed on his teeth and he's his boss. He said he goes to an excellent dentist. He said they make his teeth grayish blue so they're not too white. He said you can goof on him about a lot of things but his teeth aren't that white.
Howard said he has to thank Bubba because Brent was fully house trained when he got there. He said he should hire all of his guys. He said they're all house trained.
Brent came in and Howard told him how much he appreciates Bubba for breaking him in. He said he would never have said something like that to Bubba. Brent said you didn't want to poke that bear.
Brent said they had Deborah Norville coming in one day. He said he wrote down that she was on Extra instead of Inside Edition. He said he said that on the air and she had to correct him. He said the next day he had to swim across a pond and got paintballs shot at him. He said he got hit right above the eye with one.
Brent said they had a wheel that they could strap people on and they had one guy strapped to this thing and strippers were lighting his balls on fire. He said the guy was screaming. Howard asked what he did wrong. Brent said he forgets what he did wrong. Howard said he probably told Bubba he was overweight.
Brent said one time 25 Cent messed up a merch order and he had to dip his balls in honey and then in fire ants. Howard asked if he was freaking out. Brent said he's never seen him freak out like that. Brent told Howard about some of the other things they did to punish people there.
Howard asked if he deserved what Benjy said to him. Brent said no way. He said that they have to turn in stuff like that and get it recorded.
Gary said Sal came to him and asked if Bubba beat a guy with a whiffle ball bat with spikes on it. Brent said it didn't have spikes on it but he did do that. He said he would smack you on the head with the bat.
Howard said he thinks they should send Benjy down to Bubba's show for 2 weeks to find out what it's like to work there. He said that he got his Bulldog and it had been raised by a professional dog trainer so she was very well trained. Howard said he should talk to Bubba about his. Brent said that Bubba had an intern who got a bucket of piss poured on him. He said they had strippers piss in a bucket and they dumped it on the guy. He said that was just a warning.
Howard said there's method to this guy's madness. Robin asked if he can stomach sending Benjy to Bubba's show. Howard said he sure can. He said he might disappear down there. He said he'll end up on the news explaining how he went there for a fist fight and now he's gone.
Howard said Trump really has to stand up this these Saudi guys. He said most of the guys who flew the planes into the World Trade Center were from Saudi Arabia. Brent said he's not sure why we have a relationship with them. He said now is the time to be strong. He said Trump has to stand up to these guys. Howard said he has to step up. Brent said he really does. Howard said they have this guy Mike Pompeo and he's got to get a game face going. He said he's walking around all smiles. He said his guy John Bolton is a weirdo too.
Howard said Donald has to kick some ass on this guy. Brent said that our foreign policy has become ''pay us and we'll leave you alone.''
Howard said he may have to call Donald and tell him to pull his shit together. He said he's saying that he's leaving it to congress to figure out what happens. He said he has to tell the prince he's full of shit. Howard said they need Bubba in there. He said he'll take care of it.
Brent said he's not sure why he's harder on our allies than Saudi Arabia. Howard said we should have invaded them after 9/11. Brent said 15 of the 19 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia. Howard said Donald has to stop watching FOX News. Robin asked who is telling them to be pro Saudi Arabia. Robin said they used to be against them.
Howard said they should take that prince and send him to Bubba. Brent said he'd straighten him right out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks that Benjy is funny and talented enough to be there. He said he doesn't remember him being funny. Howard said he is funny. He said he's a good writer. He said that's the only reason he puts up with him. He said they have a lot of funny guys there. He said they all carry the weight of the show.
Robin said she was thinking about Memet trying to take over Gary's job. Howard said he backed Gary up. Robin said people are crazy there. Howard said Bubba told him that he's putting up with too much there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he puts up with Benjy. Howard said he feels bad for him. He said Benjy is a funny guy but the show wouldn't skip a beat without him. The caller said he was laughing his ass off and then Benjy comes in and he's getting pissed. Howard said he doesn't have the Bubba gene where he punishes. The caller said he has to get someone who can do that. Howard said Fred might be able to do that but he doesn't do anything. Fred said he thought Benjy was trying to be funny. He didn't think he was serious about the teeth thing. Howard said he thinks it's fake news. Fred said he has conversations with Benjy and he doesn't think that's how thinks.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how many more chances he's going to give to Benjy. He said half the time he come sin there he acts like that. He said just fire him already. Howard thanked the guy for the advice. He said maybe he should. He said he told Benjy his rule about how it's 483 strikes and he's out. He said he's up to 480. He said he's a pushover. Howard thanked Brent for coming in. Howard said you just walk by Brent and he winces.
Howard said Brent would tell you that he went into a mental breakdown after working for Bubba. He said this is serious. He asked Brent to come back in. Brent said he did have a breakdown and Bubba was a big part of the reason. He said he was in bad shape. He said he had to quit his job and go to L.A. for a year. Howard said Bubba doesn't put up with anything. Brent said he was in bad shape. He said he had to do a lot of work to get out of that. He said it was tough. Howard said this place is a vacation. Brent said it's a joy to work there. Howard said he doesn't have to have a nervous breakdown there.
Brent said Benjy has never had to work anywhere that he had asshole bosses. He said they love you there at Sirius. Howard said Jim Meyer is like Walt Disney. He said Brent had a nervous breakdown because of Bubba. He said he respects Bubba. He said Brent is a joy to work with now. Howard said Brent had to get out of the business for a while.
Howard said maybe he has to go to see how Bubba runs things down there. He said that he's just waiting for Benjy to write something stupid on Twitter that gets him fired.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she called Bubba for him. She said fuck Benjy before Howard hung up on her.
Howard asked how the locking in the shed thing works. He said it sounds illegal. Bubba said they call it all a challenge and that's how you get by that being illegal. He said they made a coffin and put rats on top of them. Howard said he has to say something about Bubba. He said he called him the other night and told him that his staff is out of control. He said there were things he head on the show that he didn't think he was strong enough on. He said Bubba is so on top of his staff that he gave Brent a nervous breakdown. Bubba said they take advantage of your kindness. He said Howard has to do that. Howard said he'd be all upset if he caused an emotional breakdown but Bubba just thinks he taught him a lesson. Bubba said sometimes you have to break down a Marine. He said Benjy is cocky and arrogant. He said they don't need Benjy there. He said they just need the original OGs.
Howard said he would attend a class if he taught one. He said he broke Brent. He said Brent thanks him every day for working there. Robin said he never gets out of hand. He said he just knows not to. Bubba said Benjy is too soft. He said he'd never make it down there. He said Fred and Ronnie might be able to make it through his man camp.
Fred had some tortures for Benjy he wanted to ask advice on. Howard said Fred didn't back him up on the Benjy thing today. Fred said he has some suggestions. He said that they could hang him by his nipples during the show. He said they could send him to black face and send him to McDonald's or wipe his ass with sandpaper.
Benjy came in and said that they don't need Bubba up there at Sirius. Bubba said he knows that. He said he's stating the obvious. He said he could go up there and make a difference but Benjy wouldn't survive in his world. Howard said Bubba told everyone off and look at him now. Bubba said he's trying to pick up the pieces. He said Howard hates Benjy. Benjy said he's on thin ice but Bubba is under the ice. Bubba said he sucks so bad he can't even cut him down to zero. He said people would love him more than Benjy up there. He said he should replace Benjy. Howard said Benjy is burning every bridge. Bubba said he can come in and be Marci's assistant. He said he'll burn them all down.
Bubba said Benjy is a pussy. He said he'd never work for him. Benjy said he wouldn't want to. Howard said Bubba is good at breaking guys. He said he just wants to say he appreciates that. Bubba said he's lost every girl because he'll break women down too. Howard said no women want to go near him now. Bubba said he's broken himself down too. He said he's broken people and now himself. Howard let Bubba go after that.
Howard told Benjy he can leave but he wanted to say something. Howard played a song parody instead. They had a song about how the door was calling Benjy to leave. Howard asked if they're done. Benjy said he thinks that his eyes remind him of his father's. Howard thanked Benjy and kicked him out. He said they're going to move on now. Benjy kept talking and Fred told him it's time to leave. He actually took his microphone and unplugged it. Howard thanked Fred for that. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said even in his building now they just have a few nice things in the window. He said that the doesn't want to look at fake spider webs and garbage like that. Robin said get a good decorator if they're going to do it. Howard said there is no such thing. He said just decorate your apartment. He asked why he has to be subjected to your dumb shit.
Howard said he was doing one of his rants about Halloween and the guys called a show with clips of that. Howard said listen to this call and realize what a great radio guest he is. He said he's very clear and very vocal. He said he wishes he could get a caller like this.
Howard said this is Howard calling into complain about Halloween. He played the call and this internet show took his call and they had Howard talking about the worst shit they have in his building on Halloween. They had Howard complaining about that stuff and saying he doesn't care about Halloween because he's not a child. They had him yelling about hating going to the movies too. The host of the show said she had to cut him off when he cursed too many times. She called him a jerk. She said this is a G-rated show. They called back in with more clips of Howard cursing.
Robin asked if he's putting the candy outside his door again this year. Howard said he always does that. He said it's so funny because they put this gigantic bowl out there. He said you can sign up to have kids come to your door in this building. He said the first kids who come empty the bowl. He said they take it all and that's the end. Robin said don't participate then. Howard said these little shits take it all. He said there is no honor anymore. Robin said they don't know what the honor system is. Howard said take a few and call it a day.
Robin said one time they rang the doorbell of this neighbor and the house was pitch black. she said then a witch appeared. Howard said if you have time for that you don't have time to work. Robin said don't put a bowl in front of your door.
Howard said the new Halloween movie came out and the guys were all talking about it in the office. He said Richard went to see it and he loved it. He said the other guys in the office said that they hated it. He said he hates that stuff so he won't go see it.
Howard said he'll get to the review thing but it's very obvious that NBC wants Megyn Kelly out. He said they paid her a lot of money over there. He said they are making it obvious that they want her out. He said she'll go off the rails on her show. He said when she was on FOX she'd do a rap about Santa being white. He said that they must have that rap to listen to. He asked if they have that. JD said it's in one of the clips already. Howard said he'll get to it then.
Howard said yesterday they were talking to Melissa Rivers and some other people. Robin said they were all white. She said they had that Bush daughter on too. Howard said Megyn was talking about black face and she's so out of it she doesn't understand why it's racist. Howard said Megyn was wondering why it's offensive to wear black face. He said she was asking why it's okay to do it on Halloween. He said she never had anyone make fun of it. Howard said she grew up in a white community so no one said anything. He said these kids in black neighborhoods had to deal with it. He said it's demeaning and degrading to them. Howard said that this is Megyn doing her thing on the show. Howard played the clip and Megyn was asking why it's racist. Howard said it's such a dopey conversation. He said the reason it's offensive is that it was used to goof on people to make them feel like a piece of shit. Robin said every day black people are pointed out and objectified. She said they wind up in trouble because of their brown skin. Howard said this is why TV is scripted. He said if you say stuff like this you get in trouble. He said he tried to tell her to stay on FOX News. He said you don't get in trouble for saying Santa is white on there. He said this is a panel of white people talking about black face and they don't have any black people to tell them what the problem is.
Howard said on NBC news they ran a story about this last night. He said you have to hear this. He played the clip and it was NBC news doing the story reporting on her talking about this black face thing. They had clips of her talking about the white Santa thing too. Howard said they even played that clip from FOX News about Santa. He said that he's make believe.
Howard said they released Al Roker this morning too. He said they have to give him permission to go off on her. He said Al doesn't just go rogue. He said that guy is no dummy. Robin said they probably asked him to do that for them. He said listen to Al.
Howard played the clip and Al Roker was talking about how Megyn owes a bigger apology to the folks of color around the country. He said that using black face was used to make fun of black people. He said he's old enough to have lived through the Amos and Andy thing. He said the problem is the stereotypes of black people. Howard said they had a table of black people talking about Megyn Kelly over there.
Howard said they probably have a morality clause in her contract so they're doing this to get out of that contract. Howard said if they loved her they wouldn't have anyone speaking out about her. Robin said they're not even talking to her. She said if they really liked her they'd have her come on and apologize. Howard played Sal's apology from the Wrap Up Show where he said some racist things. Howard said that's what this is like. He played the whole thing and laughed through it.
Howard said every word is more stupid than the next. Robin said they should send that over to Megyn to use as her own. Howard said they're going all in on the Megyn Kelly thing. Robin said it's like they cant get out of it on their own so they're asking for help.
Howard took a call from Al Jolson (Chris Wilding) who said that he's Megyn's manager. Howard kept him on for a few before hanging up.
Howard had Memet come in to talk about this. Memet came in and said that he's not sure that black face is that bad. Howard said it's bad. He said if you're Jewish and people are going around in Jew Face no one wants to see that. He said that black face was a demeaning thing. Memet said that Robert Downey Jr. was in a movies in black face. Howard said that was a movie. He said that's different.
Memet said he's seen the guys there getting slowly brainwashed by this politically correct stuff. He said that they go with whatever the mainstream media tells them to. Gary said Memet voted for Trump. He asked if he's happy with him. Memet said he is happy with some of the things that he does. He said he loves how he gets them all worked up. He said he's not a supporter of political correctness.
Gary said Memet gets mad if he puts stuff up on their internal network about white people harassing black people and he thinks that he's being politically correct. Memet said they just can't have fun anymore. Robin asked what he's talking about.
Howard asked why these guys are no longer having fun. Memet said that last week Trump tweeted that Stormy Daniels is a horse face. He said that was funny. He said the guys in the back were practically in tears over it. Howard said that's weird that the president is doing that. Memet said it's funny. Memet said Obama tried to be funny all the time and he wasn't funny. Howard said Trump wasn't saying it to be funny. He said he thinks he was angry. Memet said any time he has any option that isn't Lena Dunham approved then they go off on him back there.
Howard asked the guys to come in. Memet said even the Halloween movie was ruined by politics. He said the movie is so bad. He said it's bad because they're shoving a political message down your throat. He said that they're saying that all men are creeps and women are powerful and all of that. Brent said that he didn't get that out of the movie. Gary said he heard he was upset that it had a female lead. Memet said that's not true. He said she is strong and fights Michael Meyers. He said that Dr. Lumis has to come in and help her out. Brent said he's not even in the movie. Memet said they had a guy just like him in it.
Memet was arguing that there's too much of this girl power stuff going on. He said it's ruining shit. He asked if Michael Meyers broke into his house would Beth have a girl power moment. Howard said he sure hopes so. He said he's out of there if she doesn't.
Howard asked Memet if he can just give them some of his theories. Memet said he has been avoiding coming in there after the IQ test. He said it's in respect of the other guys. Howard said Memet is the one who accused him of setting that whole thing up but then he gets a high score and it's the best test ever. Jason said he was crying over it. Memet said he did cry on the show one time. Gary said he ran away and hid where no one could find him and curled up in a ball. Memet said he cried twice on the show. He said he was in the miltiary and he saw the most macho guys cry. He said they didn't pout and do the silent treatment for weeks. Gary asked who is doing that. Brent said that Memet has real mother issues. He said he can relate to that. He said his mother abandoned him and that sucks.
Memet said he said that he had a tougher life than anyone there. Gary said Memet is such a tool. He went off on him for diminishing the issues his mother had. Howard said Gary had it really tough. He said that he just said she wasn't so bad.
Memet said he thanks god that he wasn't coddled and he's a real man that can deal with it when people have a different opinion. Gary said he lacks empathy completely. Memet said it's probably too late but he put together something. He said he sees them all like a family there. He said he sees the other guys like brothers there.
Memet said that he knows that these guys are going to be destroyed by any criticism. Howard said he feels they're too politically correct now. Howard said he's going to play his examples of this. Howard said he'll let him do the segment. Memet said he didn't want them to get upset. Howard said the only one getting upset is Memet. He said he's the only one freaking out here.
Howard said he has to do his bit and explain this. Memet said that he has a disclaimer to play before he does this. Howard had the disclaimer that told people there are trigger words and micro aggressions in this segment.
Howard asked what he has first. Memet said he has to start with Jason. He said he grew up listening to him and he loved this guy. He said that he used to be fun on Twitter. He said 2 years ago he was tweeting about what he was eating. He said now he's gone social justice warrior and he thinks he's a pundit now. He read a tweet that Jason sent out about how Donald Trump is not his president an he never will be. Memet said that this is what these Hollywood elite are doing. Gary said Memet is dying to be one of those people.
Howard said that Memet was mad at Pete Davidson for dating Ariana Grande. Memet said he wasn't mad at him. He said he went to rehab for weed. Howard said the guy was being honest and he's just jealous of him. Memet said he's not jealous. Memet said at least he's still telling jokes. He said all of these guys are getting politically correct. Robin said he read one tweet about food and one about the president. She said that doesn't give her any inclination about what he's up to. Robin said that's not his whole Twitter account. Memet said he's like the Ike Barinholtz's of Twitter. He said he's on Twitter all the time talking about Trump.
Gary said that Memet is always talking about politics there. Memet said that he doesn't do that. He said he sits there quietly at his desk.
Howard said he heard that he hates all of their guests. Memet said there are some he likes. Howard asked for one example. He didn't have one.
Jason said Pete Davidson's ex put a photo of herself putting a glass of wine up when Pete got engaged. He said Memet went right up and wrote that he would propose to her. Memet said please, spare him. He said he's not eating at Del Frisco's every day but he goes there often. He said Norm Macdonald said something that resonated with him. He told Howard what it was and he thinks Jason is doing what Norm was talking about. Howard said he sounds like a maniac. He said he just has to chill. Memet said he is nothing but chill. Howard said he's not chill at all.
Memet said he just stays out of Howard's way there. He said the rest of the guys are all ball licking. Howard said no one even talks to him there. He said it's kind of eerie. He said that most people will talk if he says something to them in the office. He asked if he says hi to someone then they shouldn't say hi back? He doesn't see anyone licking his balls there.
Gary said that any man who is with a woman who is hotter than he thinks they should be he's jealous if. Brent said that he obsesses over this one news guy David Muir. Memet said that he shouldn't be posting shirtless selfies and stuff.
Howard said he heard that hot women can't have a good personality. Memet said they don't need to. He said there was a story about Bradley Cooper being out with a model and not talking to her. He asked what you can talk to a model about. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said that his wife was a model. Memet said she was more than that though. Howard said not really. Memet said if you're hot you don't need a great personality.
Howard took a call from Memet's inner voice. One of the guys in the office was doing that voice talking about all of the stuff Memet is insecure about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's kind of pro-Memet on this. He said the entire staff gangs up on him. Howard said Memet started this. The caller said that it's a pile on when he comes in. Howard said he named all of them in this. The caller said that it's all of the guys on the show that think they're not over the top libs. Howard said he's not. He said he gets yelled at about his stance on guns by liberals all the time. He said he's all for abortion because there are too many kids. He said that's where he's liberal.
Memet said he wanted 5 minutes to speak without them shouting over him. Howard said do it then. Memet said that Brent's tweets are even worse than Jason's. He said he has ''virtue signals'' that he sends out there. He had to explain what that was. Brent said that's a term being used by psychopaths.
Howard played a clip of Memet reading one of Brent's tweets about protesting and how he supports any protest in this country. Howard said that he's mocking a marine. Memet said he's not. He said Brent didn't serve to give people the right to do that. Brent asked how he knows why he served. Memet asked for just 2 seconds to speak without someone talking over him.
Memet said that 18 year old Brent wouldn't say he was serving to protect the constitution. Brent said that's the exact reason he did. He said he taught a class on the bill of rights when he was 19 years old.
Howard asked why kids serve. Memet said that you're 18 and you can't get into college and you need to do something. Howard asked why Memet didn't get into college. Memet said he was a pothead in college. Howard said he has to listen to him. He said he's whacked out of his head. He said he's one of the sickest people he knows. He said he loves him but he's being a narcissist. Memet said he's a truth teller. Howard said this guy is telling him something about his service and he can't even imagine that this guy thinks differently than him. He said he knew guys who left the NFL to serve and they were very high minded. He said Memet wasn't. Memet asked Robin if she thinks that people served to protect the constitution. Robin said that she went to college before the military and she didn't go in to get an education. She said she loves this country and she was serving her own purposes and those of the country.
Memet said this country is falling apart just like this country is falling apart. He said that the people at home are listening and they see the same thing happening. He said that the social justice warriors are ruining everything. He said everything is a trigger word and everyone is getting triggered. Brent said that he's the one who blocks words on Twitter because they're trigger words like bald and balding.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Slow Adult audio clips. Howard asked her if she's a fan of Memet. She said yes to everything he asked.
Memet asked why he's not in the morning meetings. Howard said he has one before the show before the regular meeting. He asked why he's not here. Howard said everyone is open to that meeting. He said Gary conducts it. He said he's invited to that one. Memet said he'll be there every day. He said he's never been invited. Jason said everyone can come in and meet at that one. He said he's never at work when that's going on. Memet said he will be there every day. Howard said he's not sure what's going on. He said he thinks they've lost control.
Howard asked what his problem is with Gary. Memet said that Gary is a follower. He said Jason goes home and gets his marching orders from Rachel Maddow. He said then he comes in the next day and tells the guys what she said and Gary follows that. Gary and Memet argued about that.
Jason said that he must have audio or a tweet from Brent to back up what he's saying. Memet said that he gets into debates with him all the time and he beats him all the time. Robin said this is all personal political opinions that they're talking about in the back room. Howard asked Memet why he's even thinking about this stuff.
Brent asked when the whining stops. He said that's all he's doing there. Howard said he has lost control. He said he's not sure wheat's going on but it's music to his ears.
Gary asked for 10 seconds. He said he wrote some things about Memet. He had a few things that he thinks about what would set Memet off.
Brent said he has a list of things that show you're a narcissist. Everything he read was Memet. The two of them were arguing about that. Howard said they have to slow down for a minute. Memet claimed that he has taken more shit on this show than anyone else. Gary said he's so full of shit.
Howard said Ronnie is freaking out in the hall. He said he has to get him in there. Ronnie came in and said Memet thinks he gets his balls busted more than anyone else. He said he has to be kidding him. Memet said he defends Ronnie all the time. He said they all stab him in the back. Ronnie asked how he's stabbing him in the back. He said that he gets his balls busted 10 times more than Memet. Memet said it's very light and fun with Ronnie. He said it's different when they make fun of him. The guys pointed out that he cried and hid from them for a day. Memet said he didn't pout the next day.
Howard said they have to slow down. He asked Memet why he thinks Gary doesn't want him on the air. Memet said anything he says on the show makes the show fall apart. Howard asked when Gary has ever told him not to come in. Memet said he has wanted to come in and say something but he just stays quiet out there. He said he's afraid of hurting people's feelings out there. Gary asked if he has ever come to him and asked to come on. Memet said he stays off the air so he doesn't upset anyone. Jason said he asked him if he wanted to go on the air with something the other day and he said no. He said that he's making the show worse if he's not going to talk about this stuff.
Howard said he should just go to Gary and ask if he can go on the air. Memet said people have told him that he was upset with him when he said he could take his job. Gary said he's not angry. He said he thinks Memet is a tool but he doesn't hate him.
Gary said that the biggest argument that they've had back there was over how Memet said that the way to raise kids is to just hit them and that will get them in line. Howard said that he's never had a kid so he doesn't know. Memet said he wishes he did so he could see. Howard asked Ronnie what he has to say. Ronnie said he's not sure what's going on with him again. He said he might be having a breakdown. Howard said you can never hit a kid. He said it's demeaning. He said if that's PC then fuck it.
Memet said if he raised a kid he's going to be raised the right way. He said his kid would be respectful.
Memet said that he saw a 8 or 9 year old kid call his mom a bitch. She told her kid that she was going to yell at him. He said if that was his kid he'd do something more than yell. He said if it was his kid he'd smack the kid so hard he'd do a 360. He said he guarantees the kid would call her ma'am from now on. He said we coddle children and all he sees are asshole kids walking around. Robin said these kids aren't assholes. Robin asked why he stays if this is so miserable here. Memet said it's like a family there. Gary said he has noting but disdain for them.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that if this is really who he is then he needs help. Memet said goodbye to her. She said he just changes the subject if they make a counter point. Memet said if you hear the show later today then write to SternShow@HowardStern.com
Howard took a call from a Memet supporter (one of the guys in the office) who told Howard how much he loves Memet and then said he's at a rally now and started screaming ''Jews will not replace us!'' Howard asked if they hate their kids. The guy just yelled ''Memet rule!'' a couple of times.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Memet is a gaping fucking vagina. Robin asked why he's demeaning vaginas. Howard asked why he thinks that. Memet said they need him on the air. He said if he thought they could handle it he'd once on more. The caller said that he's married to a black woman and if he came walking down the street in black face he'd get his ass beat. Memet said he knows that. He said he never said it was a good thing.
Memet said he wants to see if there are good calls for him. Howard said he'll get to some. Gary said that's what Memet thinks is going on. He said he thinks that he's right and everyone agrees with him.
Howard asked Memet if he has anything to say to Gary about his job and if he understands why he has it. Memet said there are some things. He said he's asking him about them. Memet said they're putting up the new video app and they could be revolutionizing this shit. He said the energy is gone. Howard said they're in there working 24/7 on this show. Memet said he needs someone who matches that fire. Howard asked why he's not in the morning meeting. Memet said he begs them for that. Jason said he's never asked. Memet said he thinks about Steve Jobs. Robin asked if there's a way for him to get to Howard with a great idea without going through the other guys. Howard said sure.
Jason said Memet has been working on this project for 2 months and no one stopped any of it. Howard said he got a sheet of the things he wanted to talk about and he was the one who took things out. Howard said it was boring. He said he took some of those things out. He said he can't even get him to get to the stuff on the sheet. Robin asked why he left anything on that sheet. She said it all sucked.
Howard said the sheet was like 900 things. He said he had to cut it down. Gary asked if they had any chance to look at any of it. Howard said he cut it before they did. Howard said he sees all of these guys on the show in the morning meetings and he's not there. Memet was still talking about the app and saying that they don't have a guy who is excited about things and that's why they're not getting the app out there on all of these shows.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's got to be worried that this mother fucker is wackier than KC Armstrong. Howard said he's looking for the positive here. Jason said he knows the person who is in charge of getting the app going and that person is doing an amazing job. He said he can be face to face and tell them they're not doing a good job.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Memet is a millennial douche bag. Howard said he takes offense to what Memet has been saying about the show. He said he's claiming they don't let him get his ideas on the show. He said he had to cut some of this bit down but it was a lot of boring stuff.
Gary asked if Memet thinks they're keeping him from Howard. Memet said he will be in every morning meeting and he will come with this ideas. Howard said good. Gary asked if there's any chance that he's going to suck in those meetings. Memet said no.
Jason said the whole idea of this was to say that the world has gotten too politically correct. He said Memet was on a date and he went in to kiss this girl and this other woman came over yelling at him for trying to kiss her. Howard asked how he goes in for a kiss that soon. Memet said they were singing together at this karaoke bar. He said he finally worked up the nerve to kiss her and this old hag from across the room and stomped over and got between him and this girl. He said this woman has probably never been kissed. Memet said the woman asked if this girl needed help. He said he didn't do anything wrong. Memet said this girl really likes him a lot. Howard asked where he met her. Memet said on Instagram. Gary asked if she's a fan of the show. Memet said yes. Gary asked if he can get a girl on his own. Memet said he has.
Memet said if you make the first move now this is what happens. Howard said he had to have done something weird. Memet said he didn't. He said he goes out of his way to be a gentleman.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said this is fantastic. He said Memet is such a mess. He said he's been on the air for an hour and hasn't made his point. Howard said the point he wanted to make he won't get to. He said he's not doing his bit. Robin said that's because it's not working. Ralph said he's getting angry at David Muir's Instagram. He asked who looks at that.
Jason said that Memet just made a case for taking over Gary's job but he's taking a day off this week to play Red Dead Redemption 2. Memet said this is the first vacation day he's taken in a year. Gary asked why he's not there at the meetings on Monday morning. Memet said he's been told he's not welcome. Gary said he never told him that. Memet said that he's not going to say who it was. Howard said it takes place in open air. Memet said it's a closed circle of people. Howard said it's everyone who works there talking about the show.
Howard asked Robin what's going on here. Robin said that Memet is out of his mind. Memet said he's going to go back to his desk and he's going to get the 1000 yard stare from him. He said there was like 3 weeks when he just didn't look at him. Brent said that's a lie. He said he came to his office and talked to him about it the next day.
Howard took a call from the old woman at the bar (back office) who said she was so jealous of that other woman that she wanted to drain his ball juice in her mouth.
Memet asked a question about Brent and the back office staff. Howard didn't understand it. Brent said that he never starts anything. He said Memet is the one who starts everything. Memet said he engages with him every time.
Howard asked if he's still fucking a lot of women. Memet asked why that matters. Howard said he's trying to change the subject. Brent was trying to say something and Memet was just talking over him. Brent told him to stop filibustering.
Howard took a call from the back office guys again and they were goofing on Memet some more. Memet said that they will never break him again. Gary said don't throw down that gauntlet. Memet said they will never do it again.
Brent said that the right wing took them all off the air. He said that's why they're there. Howard said they got both groups together to get them off the air. Brent said they all got fined and thrown off the air.
Howard said he wants to say something. He said they have to sum this up. Memet was still arguing with Brent and Jason. Memet said that Brent is the one who is deleting the comments on Instagram. He said he doesn't do that. Memet said people tell him to die all the time on there and he doest worry about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Memet is doing a bad job of expressing himself. He said that entertainers don't realize that they are there to entertain and not get political. Robin said that wasn't his argument. Howard thanked the guy for agreeing with Memet in some way.
Howard said that Memet blocks words like bald, cry, dip shit, douche, douchy, homo, forehead, pussy, queer, shit head, soft, STD, twink and ugly. Memet said only on Twitter.
Howard asked what the point is here. Memet said he proved his point. He said he proved that they're babies there. He said they will never hear from him again on the air if he sucks like they say. He said he will be at that morning meeting though. Howard asked if he's banned form the show. Memet said he will stay off but he may have to put them in their place at times. Memet said this is because of his abandonment issues. Memet said he wasn't raised by his mother but she didn't abandon him. Robin asked how good a mother she could be if she wasn't in the same town. Memet said he loves his parents. Robin said he just claimed he had a harder life than Gary did.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she would like to know why Memet thinks hitting kids is okay to do. She asked if he was hit. Memet said he was not. Howard asked if he'd hit a dog. Memet said no. Howard asked why he'd hit a kid and not a dog. Robin said this is a guy who says he's so strong and open and as soon as this woman has something to say he says she should be hit. Memet said there is a filter in all of their ears and they can only hear what they want. He said they don't want to hear positive things about him.
Howard said Ted Bundy was hit as a child. Look how he turned out. Brent read about Ted Bundy and what was similar to Memet. Robin said this is no Ted Bundy. Robin said he's not charming enough. Memet said he's nothing but nice to Robin but this is how she treats him. Gary said he was just complaining about not being able to joke about stuff like this.
Howard said Memet got to him a list of things that he wanted to talk about. Memet asked what time he has to show up tomorrow. Gary said 6:10. Memet said he's off tomorrow anyway. Gary said he knows he's in tomorrow. He said at least he's not taking a day off to play a video game. Jason said that Memet said he wants to live his life as a cowboy in this game.
Jason said that Memet was caught cheating in chess against this girl he's dating. He used a computer to help him cheat in the online game. Howard said you've got to be kidding. Memet said he was going to tell her. Howard said Memet talks a mile a minute. Memet said that's because he only comes in once a year. Howard said that's his own fault.
Howard said he had him come in. Robin asked why he made those tapes in that weird voice. Memet was filibustering again. He was talking over Robin.
Howard said that he got a package from Memet and he wanted to talk about this on the air. He said he edited some of it out. He said he left 9 or 10 clips. He said he listened to them all. He said he put this presentation together and he wanted to tell him why Jason, Gary and Brent are politically correct. Howard said he had the guy in. Robin said if he had told them about his date with that woman they could have had an interesting discussion. Robin said he doesn't have an argument because it's too broad. Gary said he doesn't know what's most interesting about himself.
Howard said he wants to thank Memet. He said he has to wind this up. Gary said this bit was fucking awesome. Memet was still rambling about how everyone is going to be pouting and giving him attitude.
Howard said Richard wants to come in and rebut what he said about Halloween. He said he's upset that he says the movie sucks.
Howard picked up on Ralph again who said that he has to put in ''cheater'' as one of those blocked words on Twitter. Gary asked if it makes Howard look at him differently when he hears he cheated. Howard asked why he did that. Memet said he was going to tell her at the end.
Richard came in and said that he can't fuck with Halloween. He said it was fucking awesome. He said John Carpenter has always had strong women in his movies. Memet still argued with that. He said Dr. Lumis saved her in the first one. Richard and Memet argued about the strong woman thing in the movie. Howard said he's never seen Richard get mad at anything. Richard said the movie is great.
Howard said Richard went to haunted houses and they asked what his favorite was and he named 9 of them. It was all of them. Richard said they could have showed Michael Meyers eating breakfast for an hour and a half and he would have liked the movie.
Howard said he really has to end this. He went over what they learned again. He said Gary, Jason and Brent were there and thanked them for being in there. He thanked Richard and Ronnie too.
Howard asked what they learned today. Memet said that Jason, Gary and Brent are all babies. Howard asked if Memet is still in therapy. Memet said he graduated. Howard said he doesn't want any bullshit. He said he's been going for 20 years. Memet said it's not supposed to last 20 years. Howard said he can't get fixed in 9 months.
Howard said something had to have happened with Memet at that bar. He said something went on. He said he almost had a nervous breakdown. Memet said he got choked up once and they won't let go of it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she feels bad for Memet. She said that she's never been compelled to call in before. She said that his emotional intelligence is so low that it takes down his intellectual intelligence. Howard said he tried to call Memet once and he didn't even take his call. Memet asked what there is to say.
Gary said he has a hole in his heart that he can never fill. He said that's just true. Howard said no one there is a psychiatrist. He said he thinks Memet should keep taking therapy. Memet said that he should come back and see how they come undone back in the office. Howard asked why he'd do that.
Howard thanked Brent, Jason, Gary and Memet for coming in. He said Robin will explain to him what he learned. Jason said he'll learn that Memet can't set up a decent segment with all of the resources in the world.
Memet mentioned that Gary has to go back and play Solitaire back there. Gary said Memet was playing chess during the show. Memet said it was during a commercial. Gary asked if he has ever seen him playing on the air. Memet said he has seen him admit to it. Memet said Gary has no idea what's happening on the show when Howard asks for him to come in. Gary said during the show people are talking to him so he misses some of the show. He said Brent is the same. He said that Memet is the only one who doesn't bring in his ideas for the show. He said if he has any during the show bring them to him.
Howard said he's hired to pitch good ideas so do that. Gary told him to do his job. Memet said he's going to get sick of him because he's going to give him so many ideas. He said they'll tell him to slow down with them. Robin asked if these ideas get rejected then what? Gary said he could send him in with every idea but it would be bad for the show. Jason said Memet's going to take a day off to play video games and he'll be back on Monday to start working hard.
Howard said he's saying that he's going to be upset that he's working hard. Gary said he must have been going at half speed until now. Howard said there are going to be angry people because he has so many great ideas. Robin said most people there don't want to show to be as great as it can so they're holding them back. She said that's over now.
Howard wrapped up and thanked the guys for listening to Memet's ideas. He said when they come to him he should write them down. Robin asked if they're worried about the source. Howard said if you hear that they've been stolen from someone else then tell him about it. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said these two guys in the studio are not homeless. He said they paid money to sit in. He said they look like the homeless people in the debate last night. One of the guys agreed. Howard said he figured out that homeless people win the lottery so he had them in to pick some numbers.
Howard said this is Brett and Zia and they donated money to the North Shore Animal League to get to sit in today. Howard said they don't look like they have any business responsibilities. One of the guys said they're both entrepreneurs. Howard said they look like hippies. Howard asked what kind of business he made his money in. One guy said he made it in wine and spirits. He said the firs 10 years was tough. He said he was lost for 30 years and then figured everything out after getting into this business. Howard asked if he could get into weed. The guy said he could. He said he drinks a lot but he doesn't smoke. Howard said he looks like a guy who would sell weed.
Howard asked Zia how he made his money. Zia said he was lost for about 35 years. He said the story is similar. He said they had to figure out how to make money. He said he's a financier and he helps funds raise money.
Howard asked the guys if they're married. Brett said he is and he has 5 kids. Zia said he has two dogs who he calls his kids. He said he blew Robin some kisses earlier. Howard said they have to get these two hooked up.
Howard spent more time talking to Brett and Zia about where they're from and things like that. Howard said they seem like nice guys.
Howard said it is news time but he just got audio of the Megyn Kelly apology. Robin said she was going to talk about that. Robin said that she said it to her staff. Howard said she didn't understand why black face was insulting. Howard said he thinks NBC read her the riot act. He said they must have gone in on her. Howard had the audio and said she should have doubled down and done this in black face. In the clip Megyn was apologizing about the discussion about making costumes for people of other color. Megyn said it is not okay and she learned that yesterday. She was also talking about how she has no wish to add to the pain that people of color have experienced the past year. Howard said they gave her a standing ovation. Robin said they tell those audiences to stand. Howard asked if they cut to black people in the audience. Gary said yes they did. Howard did his Megyn Kelly impression talking about the black face thing. He had her announcing she's going to have a black baby and she wants people to think about what White Jesus would do. Howard said she got a standing ovation from some black people and then she had a panel about the history of black face.
Howard said he still says the Sal apology was better. He played some of that again. Howard cut it off saying they didn't need to hear that again.
Robin said there's a black guy running for governor of Florida and he's been targeted by white supremacists. Robin had a robo-call that went out. She had Howard play that. It was some guy doing his lame ''Well hello 'dere...'' voice. Robin said she wants Megyn to realize that people like that are still out there. Howard did a live commercial read and took a break after that.
After the break, around 10:50am, Howard came right back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin had Howard play a clip. The clip was some audio of a news report on CNN where they were interrupted by alarms going off. They were talking about some suspicious packages that were found in the Time Warner building. Robin said they're clearing that building as they speak. Robin said they have had some packages like that delivered to a few people lately. Robin said they are looking into those packages.
Robin read a story about how children are being too coddled and how they grow up to be spoiled brats who can't handle anything. Robin said this 8 year old kid had a part at a pizza party and no one showed up. Robin said that his classmates didn't show up. Howard asked why. Robin said that's a horrible thing. She said no one showed up. Robin said they put it all on social media so the Phoenix Suns are going to throw a party for this 8 year old. Howard said she kind of led with the story and he wasn't sure where they were going. Robin said that not one kid out of 30 showed up. Howard said that's sad. Howard said he thinks that happened to Benjy and Fred too. Robin said that social media helps because they get these kids out at these events or on dates with famous pop stars.
Robin mentioned John Stamos and how he had a baby. Howard said he sent him pictures of the kid. He said he sent him a Howard Stern onesie. He said he sent one to Jimmy Kimmel too. He said that Stamos sent him pictures of the kid in the thing and it's great. He said that's a one of a kind thing. Robin had some audio of Stamos telling Kelly and Ryan about his kid. Howard said he has to calm down. John said that the baby is kind of a c-blocker. He told a story about how the kid was a problem when they were trying to make another baby. Howard said he heard he almost cried when he left the kid. Robin had audio of that too. Howard said he has to get his shit together. He said we're men. He said maybe Memet had a point earlier. He said he loves his girls but he's not crying on TV about them. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said if Stamos misses his kid that much then don't go out and do Kelly and Ryan. He said it's not that important to do. Howard said good for him being in touch with how much he loves that baby. Howard said he's acting like he's nursing or something.
Robin had Howard play a Katy Perry song. Robin said that the song was about an ex and she revealed it was about Josh Groban. Howard said he thinks he met him on America's Got Talent. Gary said that was Michael Buble. Robin read more about what Katy said about the song and how she and Josh are still good friends.
Robin read a story about someone in South Carolina won the big lottery. Howard said he thought he was going to win. He said he felt like he had it. He said that would make a lot of people angry. Robin said she's glad he didn't pick up the tickets himself. She said that would upset a lot of people. Robin said they say that the person can claim this money anonymously so they may never know who it was. Robin said they have down sized the total which was 1.54 billion. Robin said they say it's the second biggest jackpot ever.
Robin read a story about a rapper who died trying to do a stunt on the wing of a plane. Robin said it was one of those open seat planes and he climbed out on the wing and he walked too far. The plane tipped and he fell off too low to the ground for his parachute to open. Robin said he died for a silly video stunt. Howard asked why someone would do that. Robin said his rap name was Jon James. Robin had some of his music to play. Howard liked what he was hearing. He said it sounds as good as anything else. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about President Trump talking about immigration laws. Robin said he's talking about how illegal immigration has caused problems in Europe so just look at them if you want to see what happens. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about immigrants and how you'll find MS13 and middle eastern people trying to come in that caravan. Robin had audio of him apologizing for saying there were middle eastern in there because he has no idea really. Robin said he also said that he thinks the information coming out of Saudi Arabia is suspicious and the cover up was terrible and maybe the worst in history. Robin had audio of that too.
Robin read a story about Melania Trump having 30 kids to the White House to watch the movie ''Wonder.'' Robin said it didn't do very well at the box office. Robin said it was about a kid who was bullied over a facial deformity. Howard said he was bullied for the same reason. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Sandra Day O'Connor and how she announced she's retiring from public life because she has the symptoms of dementia. Robin said she's 88 years old. Robin said she was an incredible intellect. Robin talked about her for a short time.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby and how his new trial request has been turned down. Robin said that's not going well for them.
Robin read a story about Tracy Chapman suing Nicki Minaj over a song she did. Robin said that Chapman wanted nothing to do with her song and Nicki's song got out and Tracy is upset about it. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard spent a minute talking to Brett and Zia before ending the show. He ended the show around 11:25m.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.