For the week of 04/09/2018 to 04/13/2018

• Howard's Depressing Weekend. 04/09/18. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: A Angry Alice song parody, an internet radio show clip where the host read fake ads for ''Robin's Camel Toe'' and more, a ''Lenny Dykstra Pussy Eating Sex Tip,'' Sugar Ray performing ''Fly'' in the Howard Stern Show studio, John Goodman announcing that Jeffrey Dean Morgan will be on the show today.

  Howard started the show talking about how he's ready to go home already. Robin said good morning sweet love. Howard said his sweet love and he had a bad weekend. He said it was hard. He said it's no secret that he has a love for animals. He said the people on Twitter goof on him about that. He said people say fuck you and ask ''what about people?'' He said he cares about people too but he cares about animals. He said they're non existent trolls out there. He said he's not sure where to begin.

  Howard said when they adopt a cat of their own, not a foster, the cat is fucked up. He said they know it may not live long. Robin said they're courageous in that way. Howard said it is. He said all weekend he was thinking about how affected they get by these pets. He said he's not sure he even feels like talking about this but it is on his mind. He said he's just drained from the whole thing. He said he doesn't like to cry but he can get proud of himself when he does. He said they say it's good to cry when he's in therapy. He said he feels ashamed though.

  Howard said this particular cat Beth got a note from someone about on Instagram. He said it was in Las Vegas and it was a mother cat who was feral. He said the one cat who had fucked up eyes and it was blind would not leave and go back into the wild. He said Beth wasn't sure what to do with the cat. He said they said they would take it to New York and got it an eye operation. He said at the same time their cat Apple was in the office and they had to put her down. He said that they took this cat Sophia home. He said she was driving home with her and she was such a comfort to Beth after Apple died. Howard said that Beth said they were keeping her. He said he remembers seeing Sophia in the house and he wondered what the fuck that thing was. He asked why they can't get a normal cat. He said it turns out the ones who are most fucked up are the most rewarding. He said they have blind cats and they know what it's like. He said they don't even look fucked up anymore after a few days.

  Howard said this cat Charlie was obese but he loved Sophia. He said Charlie would lick her day and night. He said he develops a relationship with these cats. He said he would play with them and wave around a toy to play with Sophia. Howard said she didn't have any sight so he's not sure how she played like she did. He said it became their thing. He said he would walk in and play with her and she'd get between his feet and play with him. Howard said his bedroom was upstairs and she'd drag the toy up to his bedroom. Howard said the real bond was between Charlie and Sophia. He said Charlie died about 6 months ago and that was sad. He said the doctor came to the house and the cat had been sick for a while. He said they euthanized the cat and he was sobbing like a baby seeing that. He said he had a hard time seeing it. He said then Sophia started shutting down. He said as soon as Charlie was gone she stopped eating and stopped coming downstairs. He said her immune system became compromised. He said she started to do better for a while but then on Friday she was all skinny and breathing heavy. He said they had her lungs drained and they didn't know what was going on. He said Friday night she couldn't breathe. He said it was terrible. He said Beth was up all night with her. He said in the morning she had to call the doctor because she didn't want her to suffer.

  Howard said the cats are like Beth's kids. He said that they take all of this very seriously. He said they've saved 650 animals out of their house. He said that Beth was just distraught. He said she asked him to stay in the room while they put Sophia to sleep. He said he was in the room and Beth wasn't in there with him. He said the image of that is haunting to him. He said his cat was alive right then and he thought about how they were going to put her to sleep and she'd be dead in an hour. He said he's not sure how he can make this happen. He said he had to so she wouldn't suffer.

  Howard said Beth went to get a blanket for the cat that she liked. He said they put her on it and the doctor came in and held her and the assistant put a needle into her leg and gave her a sedative. He said their cat Leon had taken over for Charlie and he came over and licked her a few times. He said that leveled him. He said he was saying goodbye to her one last time.

  Howard said Sophia was having trouble breathing and he watched the needle and all of this going down. He said he was watching her die. He said they give you the drug to stop the heart. He said that one eye that was so fucked up started to relax and he realized she was finally out of her misery. He said that whole thing just fucked him up. Robin said that he has to take that away that she had trouble breathing. Howard said she was breathing better that morning but it was labored. He said she was a goner.

  Howard said Dr. Jackie wrapped up Sophia in that blanket that she loved. Howard said he asked if she was really gone to make sure she was really dead. He said then she moved her into the blanket and her body was limp. He said then she carried her. He said he wished he had carried her down himself. He said he was upset and he watched her drive off with the cat. He said that Beth didn't want to know about it. He said he had to pee because of his prostate. He said he just broke down and cried and it was just draining. He said it was really draining.

  Howard said that image has been awful. He said the best thing he could have done was be there so Beth didn't have to be but it was the worst thing too. He said she wasn't even 3 years old. Robin said he doesn't have the power to give life and death. Howard said his mother said he does. That led to him doing his mom's voice talking about the powers he has. Howard said she put so much on him.

  Robin said she had to put down one of her cats and the peace that she saw that he wasn't struggling anymore is what she took away.

  Howard said they had lined up going to see Rocktopia with Pat Monahan. He said Pat is in the play for 3 weeks and it's a musical review. He said that got their minds off of this stuff a bit. He said Pat is so talented. He said he sings Kashmir with a full orchestra. He said he did ''Going to California'' and an Aerosmith song too. He said the guy is so expert at this. He said he has a voice of an angel. He said he did ''Calling all Angels'' too. He said it was really great and a lot of fun. Robin said look at him going to Broadway every week. Howard said he sat in the chair and he wondered if midgets built them. He said his knees were in his throat.

  Howard said he was sitting next to Ben Vereen. He said he got to tell him how awesome it was seeing him in Pippin when he was a kid. He said that he's a big Pat Monahan fan too. Howard said he went out with Pat and Amber after that for dinner. He said that was good.

  Robin said that she heard the song he wrote for her called ''Marry Me'' on the radio. Robin said she talked to some people who saw Rocktopia and they were raving about it too. Howard said they have a great orchestra and they do all the great songs. He said they do Heart, Led Zeppelin, Hendrix and more. He said the mix in opera with the rock. He said it's very cool and a lot of fun. Robin said she's glad that took his mind off of his troubles.

  Howard said he was thinking about Sophia the whole time. He said it did help though.

• Howard Stressed Over Bon Jovi Induction Speech. 04/09/18. 7:20am
  Howard said he was all stressed out about the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame thing that's coming up on Saturday. He said he's stressing out about flying to Cleveland. He said he's not comfortable being away from his home. Robin said he's like a cat.

  Howard said he has to be done with radio in 3 years. He said he gets affected by everything. He said even going to Cleveland is a problem. He said he couldn't say no to Jon Bon Jovi though. He said he found a picture from 1987 with him, Jon and Richie Sambora. He said Jon looks like a gorgeous teenage girl. He said that he should post this picture. He said Richie looks 12 and Jon looks like a teen girl. He said that the three of them were so young. He said he was trying to do the math last night and said it might be over 30 years. He said he should do the math now. He did it and said it's over 30 years. He said he's been doing this for a lot of years. He said that he gets neurotic. He said he knows how much this means to Jon.

  Robin said on a billboard they said that they're Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees. Howard said he's very warped as a human being. He said he's not sure why they get excited about this award. He said they have sold over 130 million albums. He said his reward his that big mansion in Jersey. He said he can't say no to Jon. He said he wanted to say this puts such a stress on him though. He said it's awful for him. Robin said he's putting the stress on himself. Howard said he hates public speaking. Robin said he's good at it though.

  Howard said his entire Friday was spent writing this speech. He said he recorded it and made sure it was okay. He said he'd like to read it now but he's not sure he should give it away. He said then he read that Jon was sick with the flu and had to channel some shows. Howard said he felt like he was getting sick. He's afraid he's going to get sick. Robin said they should put him in a bubble. Howard said he has to get relief from his life and his brain. Robin said he needs relief from his brain.

  Howard said he watched the Jay Z interview with Letterman and he's not sure what he was thinking. He said he just shouldn't have watched it. Howard said he's a tortured man. Robin said she asked to go but no one has said anything about it. Howard said he's not sure who is supposed to say something. Robin said he told her to ask him. Howard said just write Jon a note or have Robin get in touch. He said Gary can arrange all of that. He said Gary is going.

  Howard said he's sorry he didn't take care of that. He said that it was Fred who distracted him. Howard asked if it's a great honor to be inducted into the hall of fame. Fred said it is. Howard said he tried to convince Jon that it wasn't. Fred said that you can say it isn't. Howard said that he was doing research on this and he was going through the band and it also said ''Hugh McDonald.'' Howard wondered who the fuck that was. He said he came to find out that Hugh should be inducted because he was a guy who was with Jon when he recorded ''Runaway.'' He said he played bass on it. Howard said when he put the band together Hugh was a much older guy. He didn't fit in. Howard said Alec retired and Jon asked Hugh to be part of the current band. He said he's the bass player now. He said he didn't even know about the guy. Robin said she didn't recall him either.

  Howard said he met the band when they were first starting out and they looked like little boys. He said he always liked Jon and Richie. He said David Bryan was a lovely guy too. He said he always watches him on stage playing keyboard. He said he loves watching the guy. He said Tico and Alec he doesn't have a personal relationship with. He said they didn't hang out that much. He said he would see them but not that much. He said he always had a great feeling about them all though. He said he was always rooting for them.

• JD Collects The Rest Of His Money. 04/09/18. 7:30am
  Howard said that he knew Bon Jovi when JD was still sperm in his dad's ball sack. He said by the way JD got all of his money from the pool that he was in. He said that the Mad Dog Russo channel had that pool and they cleared that all up on Wednesday. He said he has tape of JD getting the money from this guy Babchick. He said this is audio of JD getting his 200 dollars. Howard played the clip and JD was there to get his money. JD and Babchick were talking and JD said he was fine with what he got but the higher ups were the ones telling him to get the money. JD was stammering and blaming other people for getting him his money.

  Howard said JD can barely speak and he can articulate like JD can't. Robin said if he was okay with not getting the money then he should give it to Howard. Howard said he doesn't want his money. Robin said he's lying about being okay with it. Howard said he wasn't okay with not getting it.

  JD came in and said he's just trying not to rock the boat. Robin said he's blaming Howard though. JD said it was in a way. He said he was going to let it go. Robin said he was in a pool and he was supposed to get $2,900. JD said yeah... Robin said he started it. Howard said he went over to count the money and he only got up to 2700. He said he asked where the rest was. He said JD mumbled something.

  Howard said that JD blamed Babchick for not collecting all of the money. He played another clip of JD talking to Babchick about that. JD put the blame on Babchick since he was running the whole thing. Howard said Babchick did hand over the money but then he asked for a tip. In the clip JD got his 200 bucks and said he'll give him another tip and told him not to do brackets unless they pay.

  Howard said for those who give a fuck, JD got his full amount of money. JD thanked Howard for standing up for him and for everyone else who supported him.

  Howard said JD has a wedding advisor and he has him on the phone. Howard picked up and talked to one of the guys in the back who was playing the character. Howard asked how she's handling this whole thing. She told Howard about what she's going to do and how he'll have jizz all over the hotel room that night. She was giving JD advice on what to do and JD was just going along with it. She told JD to pleasure his wife orally. She was giving him advice for licking his wife and how he should recite the McDonald's menu with his tongue. they had JD spell fish filet but he spelled Filet with two Ls. JD said they spell it with two at McDonald's. Robin looked it up and said it is two on the web. Fred said it's only one on his internet.

  Howard let the wedding planner go and asked JD if everything is on track for the wedding. JD said it is. Howard said he heard he's not going to have a bachelor party. JD said he and Ronnie talked about it but he has thought about it and he hates being center of attention so he's not sure he wants to do it. Howard said he can't be around strippers. He said he can't control himself. JD said he can control himself. Howard said he's seen him around them and he can't. JD said that was years ago. Howard told him to just control himself and concentrate on the wedding.

  Howard asked if it's important to have sex with her on the wedding night. JD said sure it is. He said he might save it up. He said he isn't allowed to sleep in the same room the night before. Howard asked if that's a superstition. JD said she wants to get ready and doesn't want him to see her before.

  Howard asked if JD thinks he's good in bed. JD said he thinks he's okay. He said he wishes he had more stamina though. Howard asked if he has had a woman cry after he banged her. JD said he doesn't think so. Howard said he did. He said he had a girl cry when he was done. He said she missed her boyfriend and she had to call him. Howard said he told her she can't call him on the house phone. Howard said this was before cell phones so he couldn't let her call.

  Howard asked JD if he sweats a lot. JD said he does. Fred played a dripping sound. Howard said JD should build up his reservoir of jizz before the wedding. Howard said it's just superstition that you can't see her and all of that. Howard said he may cum to fast on the wedding night if he saves up.

  Howard asked if JD makes noise when he cums. JD said he doesn't think about it. Fred played an owl hooting sound. Howard asked if he can tape his wedding night sex. JD said no way. Howard said he used to talk dirty during sex but Beth doesn't like it. He said he had to stop. Howard said he was single for a year and then he met Beth. He said he was with some girls in that 6 months or so and he was talking dirty. He said one of the girls said it was sexy. He said he met Beth and he was talking dirty and she told him he was creeping her out. He said he hasn't talked dirty since. He said he's been with her for 20 years. He said he wishes for JD to be so in love with this woman that he doesn't think about other women. Howard said he doesn't. He said he doesn't want to fuck anyone else and it's such a relief. He said he's so much more productive. JD said she is probably his best friend. Howard asked who else it would be. JD said maybe Jon Hein. Howard said it's so weird that Jon isn't even involved in the wedding. JD said it's almost like a set up elopement. He said it's just going to parents. Howard said it's weird. He said Gary is Jon's best friend too. Howard said he loves Jon but he doesn't get it. Howard said when Jon is with Gary he just listens and then he gets together with JD and he can talk. JD said he probably doesn't talk to him as much as he used to. He said it used to be every day. He said it's not that much now. Howard did his JD impression and goofed on him for a minute.

  Howard asked when he and Jon got so close. JD said since they started at Sirius. Howard said he takes JD seriously. JD said he's the one person. Robin asked who Jon thinks is his best friend. Howard said it's probably him. Howard kept going with the JD impression and had JD talking to Jon about sex and things like that.

  Howard asked Jon if he's weirded out by not being invited to the wedding. Jon said he isn't. He said he gets what they're doing. He said it's family only. He said if someone else was being invited he'd be upset but he understands. Howard said JD might be autistic. He said he was just watching him rocking back and forth. JD said he just rocks, he's not autistic. Howard had him asking Jon for advice about what to do when he takes a dildo up his ass and things like that. He had him asking questions about what fat guys do during sex too.

  Robin asked if they're going to look for a new home or stay in that apartment. JD said they're going to stay. Howard answered for him and asked her some questions about holding in his farts during sex and things like that. Howard had JD saying sometimes he sweats during sex and drips on his wife's tits. JD said it's good he's on his side. Howard had JD asking how he gets his wife to lick his taint. Robin said that should come a couple of years into the relationship. Howard asked if he can still beat off to webcam girls. Howard said enough of that. He said he likes Robin giving him sex advice. He had JD asking Robin for advice on some sex stuff. They played JD off with a song parody and went to break.

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• Howard Takes Some Calls. 04/09/18. 8:05am
  After the break Howard came right back and said you have to hear this. He said in Washington DC a reporter said the name of this guy Mike Litterst and it sounds like My Clitoris. Howard said this is the best example of a news fuck up. He played the clip and the reporter kept saying the name and it sounded like My Clitoris. Howard said it would solve the whole problem if she said Michael instead of mike. Howard said they knew a guy named Dick Bagg in radio. Gary said he had to ask if the guy was that much of an ass that they called him Dick Bagg and he said they told him that's what his name was.

  Robin wondered if anyone got thrown out of the Masters since they banned Baba Booey. JD said he didn't hear anything.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had to put down two dogs and he was in the room with them. He said what helps him get through it is that he gave them a good life and all of that. Howard said he's doing that too. He said it never gets any easier. The caller said he agrees with him. Robin asked why you would want it to get easier.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he likes him being open and honest about his life but he asked why he feels the need to pay for therapy. Howard said one of the first things he learned is that entertaining you with stories about his life is comical. He said that you're not taking things seriously. He said when he went to therapy he would do it seriously. He said there is no therapy in doing a show. He said you have to take a look at what you're doing in life and that's why you pay for therapy. He asked the caller if he's ever done it. the caller said he did marriage counseling. He said he's never done it one on one. Howard said he thinks anyone who listens on a daily basis has developed problems.

  Howard took a call from Bobo who asked what his thoughts are about Jimmy Kimmel having a twitter war with Sean Hannity. Howard said he saw some of that. Bobo said he had some funny lines. He said Sean is more serious about his stuff. Howard said Jimmy is one of the funniest guys he knows. He said he did read some of that stuff going back and forth. Robin said it's going back and forth on TV too. Howard said it's entertaining for a while. He said he's not sure that it's good. He said people are so nuts on both sides of the Trump issue. He said he's never seen it like this. He said he knows Sean Hannity and he was calling Jimmy ''Harvey Weinstein Jr.'' and he doesn't think that's very funny. He said he's all for wars and all of that. He said he feels bad about some of the stuff he did in his radio war days. Howard said he thought the Harvey Weinstein thing was out there. He said he loves Jimmy so much that he was worried that someone was going to do something crazy with this shit.

  Howard said he may be wrong about this but he feels that Jimmy is the host of the Oscars and he's on ABC and being in an argument with Sean Hannity he's giving him a lot. He said he thinks Sean dreams he could be on a network and host something as big as the Oscars. Robin said Jimmy is calling and end to it all. She said he's saying this has been escalating and it's not serving any purpose. Bobo said Sean wants an apology from Jimmy. Howard said it's all theater. He said Sean should apologize too. He said he used to make fun of Michelle Obama too. He said that it's all fun though. Robin said even one of Sean's guests said Jimmy didn't owe him an apology.

  Bobo said he sent a letter to the president and he sent a copy to Gary. Shuli came in and said that Bobo has added 30-40 percent grey into his toupee. Howard asked why Bobo decided to do that. Bobo said he just turned 65 as everyone knows. Howard asked if anyone knew that. Bobo said with his age he can't have the dark hair all the time so he wants to look natural so he added some grey in there. Robin asked how much grey he's going to. Bobo said it may to up to 50 percent. Howard asked if his natural hair is grey. Bobo said it is. Howard said he should just go bald. Howard thanked him for the call.

  Robin asked if his son puts his hand in his hair. Bobo said he thinks his kid knows. Shuli said he should just do it and get rid of it. Fred played a song parody about Bobo.

  Howard said Gary wants to get on the phone and talk about Sean Hannity. Howard had Sour Shoes doing his Gary impression talking about a bunch of stuff.

  Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Gary talked about what he watches on TV. He was going through a whole list of shows he watches. He rambled on and on about the shows he watches.

  Howard said that he loves that he says he does a little bit of work when he's watching TV. Howard asked Gary not he phone what he makes of this. Sour Gary was going on and on about the local news he watches. Sour Gary was rambling like real Gary was doing on the Wrap Up Show. Real Gary said everything he just said is something he said on the Wrap Up Show one day. He said it's creepy.

  Howard said thank god for the Wrap Up Show. He asked when they'd talk about this. Howard let Sour Gary go on and on again about stuff that Gary has said on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said now Gary has an outlet for all of this. Sour was going on and on rambling about his TV shows. Howard went to break while he was still going.

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• Howard's Pee Problem Solved. 04/09/18. 8:30am
  After the break they played a bit where they had people announcing they have Jeffrey Dean Morgan on the show today. They also played Katy Perry's ''Firework'' with Robin singing over it.

  Howard came back and asked why Katy Perry is interrupting Robin singing. He said he's actually watching American Idol. Robin said it doesn't do anything for her. Howard said he still likes it. He said he feels kind of silly about that. He said the song he was singing all weekend was the Brandi Carlile song ''The Joke.'' He said it was in his head the whole weekend. He said he wanted to ask her if she has a remedy for getting it out of his head. He said he didn't get to go see her because of the situation they had with the cat.

  Howard said he can't even go to a theater now. He said he has to pee all the time. He said yesterday he had a cup of coffee in the morning and then he had to hold off on drinking water or he'd have to pee. He said this is how tortured he is. Robin said he knows how often he goes. Howard said if he goes to the theater and he has to go he has to go in public. He said he's pee shy. He said he's got a small penis and he must have some other condition. He said he fears going to the theater. Howard said he had some shitty seats next to the bathroom and he didn't want to take the good ones.

  Howard said he had his breakfast at like 6 in the morning. He said that was the last liquid he was going to have. Howard said that he didn't have any water until after the Broadway show. He said that show was like 2 and a half hours. He said he didn't want them to have an intermission. He said he's famous so he's observed in the bathroom. He said it becomes the talk of the town. He said he wasn't able to pee as a kid either. He said that's where it all started. He said his dad would freak out and his mom would ask what's wrong with them. He said he has issues with everything in life. Robin said he creates the problems. Howard said so? Robin said she's tired of him torturing himself.

  Howard said Robin is nowhere to be found. Robin said she was in class all weekend. She said she was with one of the most brilliant people in the world. She spent the whole weekend with Werner Erhard. Robin told Howard what she was learning there. Howard said he wants to talk about his weekend. He said people like it.

  Howard said his plan was to have no water. He said he was going to be so dry and empty that he wouldn't have to think about peeing. Robin said he might damage his anatomy. Howard said he's willing to do that so he won't have to go through it.

  Howard said he was so thirsty around 11. He said he waited and waited. He said he had dry mouth and he had trouble speaking. He said during that whole show he didn't have to pee at all. Robin said he had nothing to pee.

  Howard said he met Pat and his wife at the restaurant and he didn't have to go until he got home. He said he had a great day. Then he went home and he was so drained from not peeing and cats dying that he went right to bed. He said he was asleep by 8. He said he was watching the show just wanting water. He said pat was so good singing. He said he did all of those songs and all he was thinking about was how he wanted a glass of water. He said he just wanted to stay home.

  Robin said Howard ruins everything for himself. Howard said she's right. He said at least he wasn't with Werner Erhard. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing an impression of Werner. They were ''Verner'' instead of Werner. Howard spent a minute with that guy and let him go.

• RIP Chuck McCann. 04/09/18.
  Howard said that he has to mention that Chuck McCann died. Howard said he was a hero of his. He said that Chuck was really good. He said he was an actor and comedian and he was in the movie ''The Heart is a Lonely Hunter.'' He said he was brilliant in it. He said he may have been nominated for an Academy Award. He said that he was really lonely as a kid and Chuck would get on TV and read stuff to kids and he was good at it. He said he gave him a good feeling of comfort. He said he was one of his favorite adults. He said he was 83 years old. He said he was really cool. He said if you go and see that movie maybe you'll think of him.

  Robin said he did a lot of voice overs. Howard said he was the voice of the Cocoa Puff cereal. He was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Howard said that was the shittiest cereal too. He said he saw that commercial for Trix as a kid and they were the worst. He said his mother was tight with a buck and he wore her down to get a box. He said she knew he wouldn't eat that. He did an impression of his mother talking to him about the Trix. He said he didn't know that it was a commercial aimed at him but his mother told him that. He said that he got home with that Trix and it tasted like eating someone's vomit. He said it was disgusting. He said all of the balls were colored with food coloring. He said it was sickening. He said he told his mother he didn't like it. He said she made him eat the whole box.

  Howard said he hates Trix. He said those fucking ad guys forced it down his throat. He said he hated it all. He said he ate every bit of that box. He said he had a sister but she never stuck up for him in that fight. He said they both suffer from PTSD from all the lessons they were taught. Howard was doing his mother's voice while talking about all of that.

  Howard said he was with Emily and Debra this weekend. He said he brought them over to see grandma and grandpa. He said his mother started in with the story about Dr. Shlofmitz. He said she told them the whole story. He said he was unconscious on the couch while she was telling this story. He said his mom is in love with this doctor. Howard said she told them that she called into the show to do something for him. He said that he was in the Shlofmitz vortex. He said his mother has to tell him about the guy all the time.

  Howard said that he got to hear that whole story over again. He said Robin should come with him to her house some day.

  Howard said his man Jeffrey Dean Morgan is coming in today. Robin said she doesn't like breaking that fourth wall and finding out he's a nice guy in real life. Robin said he scares her as Negan. She said then he comes in and he's a nice guy. Howard said Jeffrey Dean Morgan is there and he's a good guy. He said he's promoting some movie. He said he's Negan though. Robin said we're all Negan. Howard said he was talking to someone about Negan and he was wondering if the black people in the elevator thought he was saying Negro or something. He said he made sure to annunciate Negan. He said he has to take a break so he can get to Jeffrey Dean Morgan. He did a live commercial read and went to break.

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• Jeffrey Dean Morgan Visits. 04/09/18. 9:00am
  After the break they played a song parody about Bobo's boring phone calls, a phony phone call to an oil delivery company using clips of Howard setting up a long term contract, a SiriusXM ''All Animal Metal Channel'' commercial parody and Terror Squad's ''Lean Back.''

  Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said that's Fat Joe and Remy Ma. Howard said he has Jeffrey Dean Morgan there. He said he's good looking. He said look at this guy. He said look at that beard. He said he's very masculine. Robin said he even makes that work. Jeffrey said he's off work so that's his farm thing. He said its also to stop people from stoping him in the street and telling him to go to hell. Howard said they might stop him and call him Santa Claus.

  Howard said Jeffrey is in the Walking Dead and every time he walks around kids must come up to him. Jeffrey said it's a new level of fame and it's a new level of Paparazzi and autograph signing. He said he's been doing nothing but travel and he has fights breaking out at the airport. He said he can't stop to do that every minute. He said they meet you at the gate. He said this morning he did Good Morning America or something and there were people calling him a mother fucker for not signing. He said he turned around and looked at them. He said he had to get over here because he was late. He said they get mad at him for not signing a picture. He said he doesn't owe them anything.

  Howard said he gets that. He said he despises the way he looks and he hates getting his picture taken. Jeffrey said he knows what he means but he doesn't think Howard is ugly. Howard said that's the way he feels though.

  Jeffrey said he feels different for a little kid. He said it's the adults who are super rude. He said he loves the fans and he tries to be good with them. He said it's the guys who try to sell your autograph online that he doesn't like.

  Howard said he was thinking about that manager who dropped him because they had given up on him. Jeffrey said he booked three big shows after that. Howard said that guy must be kicking himself in the balls. Jeffrey said it's a woman and he hopes she is kicking herself in the balls. He said he moved from California to a farm and he knows she's based out there in California. He said he's not sure if she's even managing now.

  Jeffrey said he heard Howard talking to Jon Stewart the other day. He said that they're doing a lot of rescue animals up at their farm now. He said they get a lot of Alpaca up there. He said that they have like 16 now. He said they're all rescues. He said they get angry and they spit at you. He said you have to sheer them but they hate it. He said that he has a guy come in to do it. He said he has to sit on them though. He said they have to get sheered because they get gross. He said they process the wool too. He said they could have a little business but they give the wool to people who knit. He said it's just fun for them to do. Jeffrey said that he wanted to be a gentleman farmer but now it's turning into a big thing. Howard said he owns a candy store with Paul Rudd too. He said it sounds like going back to an era. He said he'd like to go up there to see what's going on. Jeffrey said he knows he doesn't know him that well but he has 120 acres and he's welcome to come up there for the day. He said it's an hour and a half from the city. Howard asked if it's really an hour and a half. Jeffrey said it's an hour and 40 at the most. He said when he was doing the Good Wife he was taking the train and it wasn't that far.

  Howard said he thinks about how good he is as Negan on the show. Howard said he wishes he had a Lucille to set some people straight. Jeffrey said he can get him one (he did last time he was on). Howard said he wants to check out his farm. Jeffrey said he has a 4x4 that they can ride around in to check out the farm. He said he has 40 acres of woods. Howard said he might have to come see him. Jeffrey said he can come up. He said they have cattle and milk cows and more. Howard asked if his home life is so fun that he doesn't want to act. Jeffrey said it's at that point. He said he hasn't made enough to stop working. He said they just had a baby too. He said her name is George Virginia. Howard said he named her after Bonanza. He said it was called A Girl Named George. He said it wasn't someone named George on the show.

  Howard asked what his other kid's name is. Jeffrey said his name is Gus and he's named after Augustus Grey. Howard asked what kind of money it would take to get him to retire. Jeffrey said he doesn't need a big number. He said maybe 20. Howard asked if he's getting there. Jeffrey said he doesn't think so. He said he needs 20 clear. He said that he needs at least 40 for that.

  Howard asked if he thinks he could live without acting. Jeffrey said he thinks he could live without acting a lot less. He said if he did one movie a year or so it might work. He said he would like to do some writing and directing too. He said that it's been so busy going from one job to another he just doesn't have the time. He said he's missing out and he's feeling that with his 8 year old. He said he knows that stuff now. He said George won't know. He said that she doesn't miss him when he's gone. He said Gus is at the point where it's very emotional when he has to go.

  Robin asked what the trips are like. Jeffrey said they shoot The Walking Dead from April until November. He said he finished on Thanksgiving day last year. Howard said he was talking to Pat Monahan about going out on the road for 4-5 weeks at a time and that's tough.

  Jeffrey said he's been gone for 2 weeks and he flew in last night from Chicago and he's going to London tonight for another 10 days.

  Howard said he's a huge fan of The Walking Dead and he loves him in it. He said he was critical of the fact that the show is shot at night and it's too dark. He said he can't see it. Jeffrey said he has a problem with it too. Howard said he said it on the air and he read that Jeffrey said something about the night shoots too. Jeffrey said he hates them. He said they shoot for 10 days working at 5:30 in the morning and then the next day they want you to show up at 8 at night and work until morning. He said that the acting suffers and so does the crew. He said that it's tough halfway through the season when everyone is in bad shape.

  Howard said he read that Jeffrey likes playing Negan and how the relationship with Rick's son is really interesting. He said then they kill him off. Jeffrey said he wasn't happy about that. He said that decision had been made and he was bummed. He said he was a fan of the comic book before he took the show. He said that story line was good. He said then they killed him off and that's fucking gone. He said it's one of the reasons he wanted to do the job so bad.

  Howard asked if he's still friends with Norman Reedus. Jeffrey said he just saw him last night. He said he was the first one to come see his baby when she was born. He said he's known Norman for like 20 years. He said they were joined at the hip when he got on The Walking Dead. He said he was just super stoked for him when he got the job.

  Howard asked if he lives near Norman. Jeffrey said he lives in the city but he has a house up by him too. He said that it's nice to have a best friend like that. He said they spend a lot of time together. He said he had a lot of friends as a young man but then he met his wife and he stays with her.

  Howard asked what it's like to have a bromance. Jeffrey said they live next to each other in Georgia during the season of The Walking Dead. He said they are on their bikes if they're not working. He said Norman will drive in with him on their bikes to have some bro time. He said they don't really talk to each other though. Jeffrey said they just finished another season of Ride with Norman Reedus. He said they did it last year and then again they just finished riding around in England. Howard asked if it's that much fun being on a motorcycle. Jeffrey said it's fun most of the time but it was raining in London the whole time. He said that the roads weren't too slippery.

  Howard said he's petrified of motorcycles. He said he knows guys who have lost their legs. Jeffrey said he has always been very lucky. He said he has 7 bikes and he rides less now. He said he's a Harley guy and Norman is a Triumph guy. He said he has a little relationship with Harley now. He said that his dad rides too. He said he just saw him 3 weeks ago and he rode with him. Howard said his dad must like him. Jeffrey said Howard's dad likes him too. Howard said he's not sure about that.

  Howard said he heard that he had a bit of an argument about Rick and Negan being equally bad. Howard said Negan is way worse than Rick to him. He said Negan forces women to marry him and fuck him. Jeffrey said we've never seen him fuck. Robin said he was trying to get women pregnant. Jeffrey said that was him trying to get in Dwight's head. Howard said he also burns people's faces to get them in line. Jeffrey said that can be an issue. He said that here's the deal. He asked what the kill ratio is. He said that Rick killed 50 of his people while they slept. Howard said he didn't know that because it was too dark. Jeffrey said that Negan didn't know about Rick's people until they killed his people. He said they ran into someone who said they were bad and Rick wanted to save them so they killed them all off. Robin said that was Rick making himself valuable.

  Jeffrey said then Norman did a bazooka on another 20 of his guys. He said they've downed 3=70 of his people already. Then he kills off Abraham and then that's why Negan killed Glenn.

  Howard said Jeffrey is there to promote this movie ''Rampage.'' Howard said he didn't just come up there for his health. Jeffrey said he doesn't know about that. He said he came up to see Howard.

  Howard asked when a person should give up on acting. He said Jeffrey stuck with it until he was 37. Jeffrey said he was at the point of wanting to give up at 37. He said he had been surviving building fences or decks. He said he never finished college. He said he went for a month. He said he had no fall back plan. He said he put all of his eggs in one basket. Howard said he didn't own a home or anything. Jeffrey said he had a roommate at 37. He said he had a room in a house and his biggest concern was having rent and food for his dog. Howard asked if someone tried talking to him. Jeffrey said that his family wasn't behind acting that much. He said he was doing pilots that got canceled and things like that. He said he was doing guest star spots and he would be in make up so you didn't know it was him. He said it was just enough to keep a toe in the game.

  Howard said what kept him in it was just getting paid. Jeffrey said he was in it from 30 on just saying one more year. He said even at 37 he didn't know what he was going to do. Howard said he got to know him on The Good Wife and he was good on that. Howard asked if he almost got the parts. Jeffrey said he and John Hamm were up for parts and John would get the job.

  Howard asked if that's what destroyed his first marriage. Jeffrey said his best friend had an affair with his wife. He said he's still his friend by the way. He said that he didn't talk to him for about a year. He said they really shouldn't have gotten married. He said they're buddies now. He said that the marriage wasn't going to last regardless.

  Howard said he would be upset with the guy if he banged his wife. Jeffrey said he didn't talk to the guy for a year. He said 6 years later they were buddies again. He said that the marriage didn't work out anyway so it wasn't a thing.

  Howard asked if it's true that Andrew Lincoln actually punched him and broke his nose. Jeffrey said he did. He said it was the mid season finale. He said they had a fist fight and Andrew gets so amped up that he really punched him. He said he just gets excited. He said he has seen it before. He said that they rehears that stuff but then the cameras are rolling. He said it goes from 50 percent to 130 percent.

  Howard asked if him to take him through that. He said that there is a certain trust there. Jeffrey said he needed a little more character. Howard said he punches him because he's so into his character and he breaks his nose. Jeffrey said he knew it immediately. He said he knew they were too close. He said he knew it from the start of the shoot. He said on the second punch he cracked him on the nose. He said his eyes watered as soon as he got hit. He said Andrew was more upset than he was. He said he's not an asshole at all. He said he got upset. Howard said he used to take Karate with his kids and you know you're not really fighting. He said some asshole would never pull their punch. He said it's ridiculous. He said Andrew could control that. He said he should pop him in the face. Jeffrey said he did kick him in the nuts later in the season.

  Jeffrey said they kept shooting and the next day Andrew sent him a massage gift certificate and a facial gift certificate. He said he's the nicest guy you'll meet in your life. Howard asked if he had any work done on his nose. Jeffrey said he had a hairline feature and he just went back to work. He said Andrew isn't an asshole. Howard said he's reading between the lines. Jeffrey said he's really not an asshole.

  Howard brought up the new movie he's in called ''Rampage'' and how he's in it with Dwayne Johnson. Howard said he used to come on the show but the he became a big star and he won't come in anymore. Jeffrey said he worked with him and no one does what he does. He said he's a big action star. He said he was trying to figure out what people like about him. He said he has the ability to make fun of himself. He said the audience loves that. He said we think we can have a beer with a guy like that. He said the guy works hard too. He said he has a movie a month coming out it seems like. He said he's doing Apple commercials and works out at 3:30 in the morning every day. He said he was doing Saturday Night Live and all of that.

  Howard asked if Reedus spends time with The Rock. Jeffrey said he doesn't think so. He said he's been spending a lot of time with him though.

  Howard said he's not sure what he would call Dwayne. He said that he thinks he'd call him by his name and not The Rock. Jeffrey said he calls him Rock. He said he's really not sure what to call him. Robin said they have to give him a break because that work is because of that physique. Jeffrey said the guy is like a rock. Howard asked if Jeffrey works out. He said he works a farm. He said that's his workout.

  Howard said he has to get back into the gym. Jeffrey said he has a running machine in his basement and it just collects dust. He said his little boy has PKU and his body can't process protein. He said his diet has changed because of that. He said he does a lot of chopping wood and things like that at the farm too.

  Howard said he heard that The Rock knocked him out in the movie shoot. Jeffrey said he landed on him when he fell over. He said that he was supposed to land next to him but he landed on top of him. He said he has to be close to 300 pounds. He said he's like a freezer falling on you. He said the sound that came out of his body was something. He said then he heard him giggling. He said he had to do the shot over again.

  Howard said he loves that Vin Diesel and Rock are fighting over acting. He said he thinks they made up now. Jeffrey said there's a tentative understanding from what he read. He said he's not sure what it was. He said he gathered that it came from Vin not coming out of his trailer to get on set. Howard said that's one thing he won't put up with. Jeffrey said that's his peeve too. He said Howard did the film and he knows that you're keyed up to go. He said you want to do what you're there to do. Robin said they are Vin's movies so he's got to get into it too. Jeffrey said that Howard gets there at 4 in the morning and he's ready to go. Robin asked what they would do if he didn't. She said they'd wait. Jeffrey said that's screwed. It's not nice.

  Howard asked if Rampage is about the ape who grows to a giant. Jeffrey said it's based on a video game from the 80s. Howard said he was going to see it but they had a cat die. He said that it was a mess. Jeffrey said he's sorry to hear that. Howard said he will see this movie. He said if it has a giant ape in it he has to see it. He said that's all he needs. Jeffrey said it's a popcorn movie at its finest. He said if you have a heart for animals you'll get it. He said Rock and the Gorilla speak in sign language and it's great. He said they're cute as shit. He said they can talk through sign language.

  Howard asked if the gorilla has anything intelligent to say. Jeffrey said of course. He said it's fine until it goes off the deep end. Howard said that they never put a cock and balls on a gorilla in the movies. He said he might be weird wanting that.

  Howard said Jeffrey is in the movie ''Rampage'' with The Rock. Jeffrey mentioned Naomie Harris being in it too. Howard said she's hot. He asked if she has a boyfriend. Jeffrey said she doesn't. He said that she was asking if he knows anyone. He said that she wants to meet someone who is decent. He said that she was talking about how she's just going to stop caring.

  Howard said the movie is called ''Rampage'' with The Rock. He said they have a gorilla with no balls in it. Jeffrey said it is a girl. He said the wolf flies. He said he loves monster movies and this has that feel and it's great.

  Howard said an erect gorilla penis is only 1-3 inches long. He said that's why we don't see them. Jeffrey said his guys are great a finding that information. Robin said they say that man doesn't have the biggest genitals. Howard said he's hung like a gorilla.

  Howard asked what kind of entourage The Rock has. Jeffrey said he's not sure but he has to get more people to hang around him. He said Rock is about to have another baby soon and he has a long term girlfriend. Howard was wondering because they never hear anything about a girlfriend. Jeffrey said there's a great Rolling Stone article about him and he does that Ballers series on HBO too. He said he's not sure how he does it all. He said he's a happy family man too. He said he's not sure he trusts it because he's so nice. He said he seems like it has it together. He said it makes him jealous.

  Howard said he thinks that Jeffrey is a really solid guy. He said that so is The Rock. He said this movie sounds good to him too. He said it's opening on Friday, April 13th. Howard said he wants it to do well. He said he knows it matters. Jeffrey said it does. He said the pulled the release date a week. He said The Avengers moved their date up a week too so they had to move theirs. He said it would behoove them to be smarter about that stuff. Howard said it hates to see a movie that's good that gets lost. Jeffrey said they don't make a lot of movies. He said it's big super hero movies or nothing. He said it's all TV now. He said he loves TV but he's not sure what's even on now. He said it's hard to keep up. Howard told him to talk to Gary about that because he watches a lot.

  Jeffrey said he hears Howard talking about The Bachelor and he feels like he should watch it. Howard said it's the greatest dating show of all time. He said it's romance with maniacs. He said he probably doesn't want him up at the farm. Jeffrey said he can come up any time and he doesn't have to even hang with him. He said he can just sit and paint.

  Howard said he's in The Walking Dead too. Jeffrey told him to just wait until he sees the show from this week. Robin said next Sunday is the season finale too. Jeffrey said that's right. Howard gave him some more plugs for the movie ''Rampage'' and said he hopes he does well. He said he also raises Alpaca. Howard said he's afraid to go to his farm because the Alpaca will see his hair and want to mate with him. Jeffrey said they're really great. He said they had a baby donkey born 6 months ago and it's the sweetest thing. He said it follows him around. He said his wife got him donkeys for his birthday and this baby donkey imprinted on him and it loves him so much.

  Jeffrey said the last time he went on a press tour he had to have it fixed and he was afraid it would breed with its mother.

  Howard asked if he home birthed his kids. Jeffrey said they did it in the hospital but he birthed the kids. He said he didn't know what he was doing but they had a midwife. He said they pushed him in there to help. He said his son's head was shaped like a cone when he came out. He said the second baby came out and he pulled her right out. He said her head is perfect. Howard asked if he had seen that vagina before like that. Jeffrey said he can separate the two. He said his wife is more beautiful than she's ever been. Howard said she let it all hang out. Jeffrey said he went right back into the banging after a while. He said they do alright.

  Howard asked if he wants to have more kids. Jeffrey said they're tapping out. He said he's 52 so that's it. He said 2 is perfect. He said they have tried to have a kid since Gus was born. He said they lost a couple so this is it. He said they have their little girl and they're done. Howard asked if he's going to snip his balls. Jeffrey said he thinks he might. He said he did it to his donkey so he might do it himself. Jeffrey said he might be too old now. Howard said he wears a rubber. He said he cums too fast. Jeffrey said he feels him on that. Howard said the rubber slows him down. Jeffrey said he gets that. Howard said they're bonding now. He said lock that thing up in rubber and it'll slow you down. Howard said it's the greatest thing fucking a woman. He said they don't even know what they have between their legs. Howard said that's what they have to talk about when they hang with Reedus. Howard said he has a girlfriend too. He said he has a hot girlfriend. Jeffrey said it's Diane Kruger. He said Reedus just met Howard's wife and they bonded over cats. Howard said he did. Jeffrey said Reedus is a very busy fella too. He said he's a big fan of Howard's too. Howard said the movie is opening on April 13th. He said he's also on The walking Dead. Jeffrey thanked him for having him on the show. He said last time he was on he was so proud of that. He said he still has people coming up to him telling him that he was great on Howard Stern. He said he loves that. Howard said he's going to come visit and ride an alpaca. Jeffrey said just come up and walk around and paint a picture. Howard went to break a short time later.

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• Calls, Songs, Balloon Ban And More. 04/09/18. 10:05am
  After the break they played Brandi Carlile performing ''Helplessly Hoping'' in the Howard Stern Show studio. Howard came back and sang along with Brandi. Howard said he never understood the lyric ''They are one person, two together, three...'' something. Howard said he doesn't understand that lyric. Howard read the lyrics and they were ''two alone'' and ''three together.'' Howard said he doesn't know. Robin tried explaining it to Howard but he either didn't get it or she wasn't explaining it right. Howard, Fred and Robin tried to figure it out but Howard said his head is going to explode. He did a live commercial read after that.

  They played a phony phone call that ''Jimmy King of the Internets'' made to a guy selling a boat.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin is right and the song is a list. Robin was saying that the one, two, three and four was a list. Howard said he gets it now. Howard said he doesn't think that's right but he gets it. Gary said on the lyric sheet ''two'' is spelled out. Howard said he's still not sure it's a list. Fred said he's with Howard. Howard said if you're a listener of the show you can only agree with him. The caller said he just agrees with Robin for once.

  Howard said there's a town in Rhode Island that has banned balloons. He said he agrees with this. Howard read an article about it and said he's all for it. He said he hates finding balloons on the beach when he's out walking. Howard said he'd like to see more bans on balloons.

  Howard said he recycles but he read that it's a big waste of time. He said they get to the dump and they just mix it all together anyway.

  Howard said someone said he's mentioned in a news story about balloons and string. JD said that the guy found a seal with a balloon string tied around his neck and the guy mentioned Howard's name. Howard had an audio clip of the news report about the seal that was rescued. The news anchor mentioned Howard's name saying he always complains about people letting balloons go and ending up on the beach. Howard said he's on the front line on the war on balloons. He said that he's General Stern. He said he wishes every balloon manufacturer would go away. Robin said the balloons aren't the problem. She said it's the people who let them go.

  Howard said he should develop a uniform that has pins on it so he can pop any balloons he sees. He said he should make citizen's arrests on people who have balloons. He said he'll start going to children's parties and pop balloons.

  Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing a character of a guy who runs the balloon industry who was warning him that he's messing with something very big.

  Robin said there are some good balloons. She said there are some on the end of catheters. Howard said those are fine.

• Robin's News. 04/09/18. 10:25am
  Howard said they should do some news. Fred played her into it with a song parody. Robin was upset with the lyric in the song about her boobs hanging to her knees. Howard said they would never hang down that low. Howard said they're wrong about that. Howard said the only one on the show whose tits hang down to their knees is Benjy.

  Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he was so angry watching Saturday Night Live this week. He said they ripped them off with Black Jeopardy. He said he was on Black Jeopardy back in the day. He said they used it on Saturday Night Live. Howard said when he hears old shows like that where he complained about being ripped off he sounds like a baby. Howard said they do it in a sketch and they did it as an actual game. King said they said the N-word on Howard's show. He said they didn't do that on Saturday Night Live. King asked if he ever uses the N-word in his life. Howard said he never used it. He said that the only time it has is on this show when they're talking about some racist guy. He said in his private life he may have told someone about Chris Rock's stand up and quoted him. He said white guys saying the N-word doesn't fly with him. He said those words do hurt. He said it's like Kike and all of that. He said he wishes someone he could fuck up would say it to him. King said that's a lot different than saying the N-word. He said it's in music and all of that. Howard said not for white people. He said Jay Z already ruled on it. He said he really is King of All Blacks. Howard said he saw him on Letterman's special. He said white guys shouldn't use the N-word. King said that's bullshit. He said Jay Z has changed. He said Jay Z was talking about how it was his fault when he cheated on his wife. King said when you do it behind your woman's back it's cheating. He said Jay Z is apologizing for something he did that could be caused by her. Howard said he has to go. King said no, no, no... Howard said he's just going to dig himself into a deeper hole. He said the guy digs his own hole. King said it's nature that makes a man have sex with another woman. Howard said we have the ability to say no to ourselves.

  Howard said he really has to go. King was going on and on about why men cheat and how the woman's pheromones had something to do with it. Howard let him go a short time later. King said he's coming in soon. He said he's not going to recognize him. King said he's trying to keep himself up. He said he had that cancer tumor too. Howard said he has to go. King said he really doesn't care about shit. Robin said they're trying to get on with the show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

  The commercial Howard did was for Amy Schumer's new movie. Gary said that Emily Ratajkowski is in it. Howard said she's really hot and she has the greatest body. He said she's trying to figure out what to do with her life now. Howard said he goes on Twitter or the Daily Mail and she's either completely naked covering her nips or she's in different hot outfits. He said her husband is sometimes buttering her ass with sun screen. Howard said as much as he doesn't want to he has to look at her. He said they will have an article on the Daily Mail or something and he has to look. Howard said this Emily is about as perfect as a woman can look. He said it's ridiculous. He said her body and face are perfect. Robin said it might be air brushing. Howard said he thinks she's a natural beauty. He said he must be a fan. He said he can't stop looking at her. Howard said then he read the comments below and people are talking about what a pig she is. Howard said he wonders who these people are criticizing her looks. Howard said he wants to see these people. Howard said they do this even though they have no business doing it. Howard said that's why he can't be on Twitter. He said he loves reading the news on there but he can't read comments. He said it's empowered too many people.

  Howard said that Emily Ratajkowski is so good looking and he can't believe people criticize her. He said you have lost all credibility in his book if you do. He said he wants to see her in that Amy Schumer movie. He said he's a fan. He said he's embarrassed by that. He said he's willing to admit he's a fan. He said he will click on any link with her name in it. He said she knows being naked is her thing. He said she posts stuff every day. He said on her honeymoon she was bent over with her husband putting sun screen on her naked ass. He said then the next day she's showing her whole boob with her nip covered. He said every day of her life she's in front of a camera doing that. Howard said he'd like to see her vagina. He said maybe she showed it in that Robin Thicke video. He said that he wasn't sure if she did show it. Robin said she just watched him having a dialog with himself about that.

  Robin started her news and said they're going to make checking out in a grocery line much faster. Robin said they're going to stop having people sign for their credit and debit card purchases. Howard said he goes to Gourmet Garage to get vegetarian chili and he gets in line and pays in cash and he gets pennies back. He said he has a jar full of them now. He said he would like to get in line and just pay. Robin said you just pay and walk out and don't have to sign. Robin said they won't make you sign the screen or whatever. Howard said he likes that. He thought he was going to be able to use that with his iPhone.

  Robin read a story about a Russian woman being embalmed alive. Robin said they put her on a formaldehyde drip instead of a saline drip. Robin said she died because of that. Howard said that's his worst fear. Howard asked how that happened. He asked why they would have embalming fluid there. Robin said it's Russia. She said the woman had pain and convulsions for two days before falling into a coma. Robin said they say that say they could have taken precautions that would have stopped this from happening. Howard said he'd never get an operation over there. He said they still have shit for an economy over there.

  Howard took a call from Balls who said that was a great interview with Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Howard said Jeffrey is a cool dude. He said he keeps inviting him up to that farm and he might actually go. Robin said Fred's wife was all up for moving up there. Fred said that winters would be tough up there. Howard said he stays inside during the winter anyway. He said he might go up there to check it out.

  Balls said he feels for him about his cat too. Howard said he's still a mess from that. Balls asked if there's any bands that he just hates. Howard said he doesn't like Steely Dan that much but he doesn't hate them. He said they're great musicians. Howard said Elvis infuriates him too. Robin said everyone loves Elvis. Howard said they do not. He said he talked worse than JD. He said he hears those songs and he doesn't give a fuck. Robin said his early music was earth shaking. Howard said it's all about The Beatles to him. He said he doesn't care. He said it all started with the Beatles and the Stones. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

  Howard said he feels like he's not a fan of Steely Dan. Robin said she feels the same about the Moody Blues. Howard said she's wrong. He said the Moody Blues were great.

  Robin read a story about a New Jersey state trooper strip searching a driver he stopped. Howard said he'd insist on doing that with every driver. Robin said this guy strip searched a 23 year old man on the side of a highway. Robin said that he smelled marijuana on the man and he said if he didn't say where it was he would go in and get it. Robin said that the body cam video shows him reaching into the driver's underpants and groping him. No marijuana was found.

  Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that he's making edibles now. Howard said that's smart for him because he coughs so much when he smokes. Howard said he feels like he should try and edible but he's not sure how it would affect him. Jeff said if he ever goes up to visit Jeffrey Dean Morgan he's not far from him. He said he has an extra bathroom. Howard wasn't even responding to him.

  Shuli came in and said Jeff is still smoking weed. Jeff said it's just once in a while. Howard said just say you're still smoking weed. Howard asked Shuli if he's done edibles. Shuli said he's tried it. He said that it lasts longer and they can be stronger. Jeff said the stuff he uses are just for him. He said they last 6 hours. Howard asked if you would ever eat anything Jeff makes. Robin said no. Shuli said it's tough to make edibles. Jeff said he has some kind of machine that sounded like a ''magic booger machine.'' That led to Shuli doing his Jeff voice talking about that.

  Howard said he had a friend who stopped smoking cigarettes and he started smoking 12 joints a day instead. Jeff said he's not doing that.

  Howard said imagine him making his edibles using just one arm. Jeff said he's making thin mints edibles. Howard asked if Shuli had edibles with Ronnie. Shuli said it was the first and last time Ronnie tried it. He said he didn't know how bad it was. He said they went to eat and Ronnie had some at the show they did. He said he was sitting next to him and Ronnie said he couldn't feel his face.

  Ronnie came in and said he didn't know what to expect. He said he had a piece of a rice cake and it was like a half hour later and nothing happened. He said he ate the whole fucking thing. Shuli said that he told Ronnie he would never eat that shit. He said his face turned white. Ronnie said he had food in front of him and they were all laughing at him. He said he went to put the burger in his mouth and he wasn't able to open his mouth. He said Shuli took him to the bathroom and threw cold water on his face. He said he felt like his blood pressure dropped to the floor.

  Ronnie said he went outside and he tired to get back in but they wouldn't let him back in. He said they thought he was nuts. Shuli said he asked him not to call an ambulance. Howard said you just have to go home and get some sleep. Ronnie said he had to catch a plane the next morning. He said he was going up to the TSA guy and he thought he was going to go to jail. He said he went through TSA and he was on the plane for an hour but it felt like he was on a roller coaster ride. Howard said edibles aren't for Ronnie.

  Jeff said JD should check for a ''Chello'' at the Masters. JD said he checked and it wasn't it. Howard let Jeff go after that.

  Robin read a story about Bill Cosby being in court today and before he went in a woman accosted him at the court house. Robin said she broke through a line and the woman almost got a hold of him. Robin said she was topless and she had written ''Women's Lives Matter'' on her chest. Robin said she had other things written on there too. Howard said don't be topless around him because he'll fuck you. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

  Howard said it's a weird world we live in. He said some people are talking to their TVs telling them what channels they want to watch and in Syria kids are getting gassed. Robin said it is weird world.

  Robin read a story about the Jimmy Kimmel and Sean Hannity feud. Robin said that Jimmy has ended it but Sean is saying he wont end it until Jimmy apologizes to Melanie Trump. Robin had some audio clips and details about the feud. Jimmy joked about Melania's accent on his show. Howard said Hannity mocked Michelle Obama on his show. Robin said she has some audio of that actually. She had Howard play that. Howard said it's all so silly. Robin said no harm is done. She said Sean launched a whole attack on Jimmy after that. Robin had clips of the two of them going back and forth with comments about each other. Howard said he doesn't think that Sean is that upset with Jimmy. He said that he thinks the same of Jimmy. He said he's not sure what's going on there. He said it's all ridiculous. He said both of them should drop it. Robin said Jimmy has apologized an said he wants to end this feud. Howard said if they want to have a boxing match on the show he's up for it. He said they can put them in the Bubbagon. Robin said she thinks that Sean has an advantage in weight. Howard said he has a really big head though. That's a big target. He said Jimmy cries a lot too. He said he can get angry though. He said it's a good match. Howard asked how old Hannity is. Gary said he just turned 56. He said Jimmy is about 50. Robin said they should get them in the ring. Howard said on tomorrow's show. He said he did Hannity's radio show once. He said he loves Jimmy. He said he'd have to be in his corner for sure. He said he might put money on Hannity though.

  Robin read a story about Tony Robbins apologizing about some comments he made about the #MeToo movement. Robin had some audio of his comments about people making themselves significant with that movement. Howard said that guy has a huge head too. He said he might be part dog based on those big teeth he has. Howard said he's not sure what he was trying to say there. Howard said that's the guy who makes you walk across hot coals. He said fuck you, he's not doing that. He said it proves nothing. Howard asked what that guy knows about #MeToo. He said he knows nothing. He said they should make his head into a Macy's balloon. He said he knows people who admire that guy. He said he's cool with that. Robin said it's all about being empowered. Howard said Mad Dog wants to talk about this whole thing. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mad Dog Russo impression talking about how he sounds a lot like Gary. Howard let him go a short time later.

  Robin read a story about President Trump talking about Stormy Daniels on Air Force One. Trump was responding to a question about if he knew about the pay off. It was so hard to hear Howard said he has no idea what he said. Robin said he claims that the lawyer made the payment without his knowledge. Robin said he also said you'd have to ask the lawyer about why he did it.

  Robin read about a big fire in the Trump building that happened over the weekend. Robin said they are trying to make a law that would make buildings like that have a sprinkler system in it. Robin said there wasn't one in this building. Robin said Trump lobbied against having sprinklers in his building when it was built. Robin said now a man has died in the building. Robin said the man was a 67 year old art dealer. Robin said he had tried to sell his apartment but he had no takers.

  Robin said the President now has a chemical attack in Syria to deal with. Robin said he says there will be severe consequences. Robin said she has some audio of Lindsay Graham talking about what he would do. Howard played that clip and Robin said that the President has warned there will be a big price to pay for that attack.

  Robin read a story about the tariffs that the President has put into effect. Robin had some clips of a few people talking about what they can do and how they can affect the country.

  Robin read a story about Steve Wozniak leaving Facebook over how they handle user data. Robin said people aren't all leaving. Robin said there are still people who still need to sue it. Howard said he just zones out and keeps his page. Robin said Mark Zuckerberg is going to be on Capital Hill testifying about the use of user data.

  Robin read a story about how Cardi B showed up with a baby bump on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Robin said they're making a big deal out of this. Howard said of course they are. Robin had Howard played some of her music. Howard said he listens to that as he's walking over hot coals.

  Robin read a story about the Masters and how this guy won by one stroke. Howard asked if anyone yelled out Baba Booey. Robin said she hasn't heard anything. Robin said Tiger Woods had a 69 and tied for 32nd place. Robin said he was one over par. Robin had some audio of Tiger talking about playing the Masters. Howard said he must have gotten psyched out. He said he needs to get back to fuckin'. He said he has to forget this shit and just fuck like a rabbit every day. Robin said she read that he's having a problem with another ex girlfriend. Howard said he just has to bang constantly and he'll be fine.

  Robin read a story about Connor McGregor beating up a bus this weekend. Howard said he's so strong that he beat up a bus. Robin said that he wasn't even supposed to fight this weekend and he got into a battle with someone and now he's being charged with assault.

  Robin said that Rhonda Rousey has won again in Wrestlemania. Robin said she got cheers from the crowd as she entered the ring. Howard said he liked the WWE better when they said they were real fights. He said he doesn't like the honesty now.

  Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.

• Phone Calls, American Idol And Topless Pictures. 04/10/18. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: A Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard spoke to an author about her book with fake Arnold Schwarzenegger jerking off while she talks, Randy California performing ''Nature's Way'' in the Howard Stern Show studio, John Goodman announcing that Amy Schumer is on the show today.

  Howard started the show talking about how every morning starts out the same with the song at the start of the show. He went right to the phones and took a call from a guy who asked how he is today. Howard said he was actually dizzy this morning. He said he's not sure what's going on with him. He said he's miserable. He said he just likes laying in bed. Robin said she wondered if curmudgeons enjoy being curmudgeons. Howard said Pat was asking him if he's looking forward to going to Cleveland. Howard said he has nothing bad to say about Cleveland but he doesn't want to go out there. He said it's not Cleveland. He doesn't want to do anything. He said he's a miserable guy. He said he was looking up sociopath to see if he is one. He said he doesn't think he is. He said that might be one of the signs. Howard said he doesn't think she fit the criteria.

  Howard said he doesn't know. The caller said Cleveland has a reputation. He said it's not for no reason. Howard said he's going to be in a hotel. He said he'll do the rehearsal, do the Hall of Fame thing and then get out of there. He said he has no idea where the hall of fame is. He doesn't even know where he works. He said he knows it's near Radio City Music Hall. He said that he lives like a baby. He said he has people taking care of him all day. He has no sense of where he is. He said Cleveland will look like New York to him.

  Howard said he's going to want to take a nap and he's going to freak out. He said Beth is going to tell him to meditate. He said he's going to have a miserable afternoon. He said around 7 he's going to make his speech about Bon Jovi. He said Beth is all excited about this. He said she's got a dress she bought for it. He said she will want to stay and he's going to want to go to sleep. He said he knows he's going to be tired. Robin asked if he wants to be fed. Howard said no. He said he just wants some spaghetti. Robin said they will have a dinner. Howard said they wont. He said they don't even pay Steve Miller to bring his band. He said they aren't feeding them.

  Howard said he's going to sit there through the Moody Blues and the Cars. He said that's going to go until 11 or 12. He said then Jon has his after party. He said Beth is going to want to go. He said he's going to want to go back to the hotel. He said he'll be a buzz kill. He knows how it's going to go down. That's it. He said that will be his weekend.

  Robin asked if he has ever had the experience of wanting to stay home and he didn't and he had a good time. Howard said no. Robin said she didn't finish. Howard said he didn't have a good time.

  Howard said on America's Got Talent they would travel and he was miserable. He said Howie would say they were all getting together with everyone and he'd ask him and he said no. He said he had already eaten at 3 in the afternoon. He said he was going to stay in his room and prepare. He had nothing to prepare though.

  Robin said if he did the opposite of what he thought he might have fun. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said when he hears ''lets get together'' he's out. Robin asked when they last had dinner. Howard said he doesn't know He said it's been a long time. Robin said he's right. Robin said she misses him. Howard said she's doing fine.

  Howard asked the caller what he can do for him. The caller asked if other celebrities will want to be there. Howard said no. The caller asked if Jon will have something to say about him. Howard said he shouldn't. He said he should talk about the band. Howard said he didn't do anything for him. He said Jon got famous because he worked his ass off. He said he's a pretty guy and he can sing. He said that he worked his ass off and wrote good songs. He said he had nothing to do with it.

  The caller asked about the recent pictures of Heidi Klum topless on vacation. He asked if she should cover up based on her age. Howard said he worked with Heidi and she's always got someone taking pictures of her. He said she has full time people around her taking pictures of her. He said it's all for social media. The caller said that they're not accidental photos. Howard said it's working for her. Howard said he never saw a person who gets a boyfriend so quick. He said she just broke up and now she's got a new one. He said it's quite amazing. He said if he wasn't married to Beth he feels he could have been one of those guys. He said he's not sure he could be with someone who has her picture taken all the time. Robin asked if he could be with Emily Ratajkowski buttering her ass in pictures like her husband. Howard said he doesn't think so but maybe with her.

  Howard said he used to have Heidi singing in his ear all the time. He said he asked the producers to get her away from him. He said that made her sign more. He said he finally got an ear piece so the producers could talk to him and he told her that she could be fired if she kept singing those songs because they could hear them. Howard said she didn't understand what annoying meant. He said she is a beautiful woman though. He said that these trolls will say she's too old to be doing that. He said she has the tits of a 20 year old. He said there's not a guy out there who wouldn't fuck her. He said when she's laying there topless she looks good. He said that's not her problem. He said she has other problems though.

  Howard said Heidi is 44 and the new boyfriend is probably in his 20s. He said that she should date like this all the time.

  Howard said he was watching American Idol and Katy Perry is kind of kooky. He said he likes that. He said it brought him back to the America's Got Talent thing. He said that Katy and Lionel were liking this contestant and this Luke guy looks uncomfortable while they're dancing and it brought him right back to America's Got Talent. He said all of the acts are fine but they're waiting for the judges to give reactions. He said after the first 500 reactions you end up repeating yourself. He said Howie would tell them they were going somewhere. He said that he'd disagree and they'd argue sometimes. He said he sees that the Luke guy doesn't know what to do on the show.

  Howard said that these contestants think they're the next big thing and they're not. He said they're going to end up going nowhere.

  The caller said these people go on the shows and no one even cares even if they win. Robin asked what the Dancing with the Stars tour is like. Howard said that's what hell is.

  Howard said out of that whole experience he remembers that guy Horse who got kicked in the balls. Howard said he loved that guy. He said he thought he was going to go somewhere. The caller said he had power and potential. He said he still follows him on Twitter.

  Howard said they should follow all of the winners from 12 years ago to see where they went. Howard said Horse probably lives under the Brooklyn bridge. Howard said he had an America's Got Talent flashback and he did have fun on the show. He said he met some cool people. He said that he felt like he was the master of ceremonies.

  Howard said Heidi topless is fine. He said Kelly Ripa was also in a bikini and he thought she looked good in it. Howard said she should be in a bikini on her show. Howard said guys were saying she has no hips so she looks like a boy. Howard said they should only look so good. Howard said Heidi looks great. He said she has a great body.

  The caller asked if he can listen on the phone while he's at work. Howard said he'll put him on hold. The caller said he loves everyone and even mentioned Benjy. Howard said ''Benjy? How dare you.''

  Howard said he can't imagine his mom asking him to take pictures for Instagram. He said he loves people who say Heidi is too old to be naked. Howard said she's had like 17 kids. He said she looks great. He said he's so glad he's happily married. He said if he was single he would have fucked her and for the next couple of years it would have been a nightmare. He said it's so great to have a happy marriage. He said then she'd have her kids there and want him to meet them. Howard said he'd have to hang with the kids.

  Howard said one day they were doing a night shoot and he was sitting there freezing outside. He said he shakes in the cold. He said they had to do it at night because they wanted people to think they do the show at night. Howard said no one cares about that. He said he said to the producers that he didn't sign up for that. He said that he said he was out of there if they didn't finish by 8 o'clock.

  Howard said they were out there and then these kids showed up. He said Mel B had 5 of her kids there with nannies. He said then Heidi's kids emerge and she has like 5. He said she has her social media people there and her kids. He said she doesn't discipline the kids. He said they were in his chair and he was just trying to sit down. He said that Heidi said he looked irritated. He said it was like Romper Room. He said it was like when the walkers show up on The Walking Dead. He said he was so upset. He said it was crazy.

  Howard said he's glad he wasn't single. He said he could have messed up big time. He said he would have went crying to Robin. Robin asked what if he wanted to have sex with her and not date her. Howard said that's where guys mess up. He said that asshole Simon Cowell fucked that guy's wife. Howard said what a scum bag he is. Robin said maybe he'll end up like Jeffrey Dean and think that he did him a favor.

  Howard said Simon got the bug up his ass about him after seeing him on America's Got Talent. He said he was saying he'd work for less money on the show. He said it was a weird scene. Howard said the executives were nice over there. He said he was going to do another show with them but he'd had enough. He needed a break.

  Howard took a call from fake Simon Cowell who said he'd like to become his friend so he can fuck his wife. Howard spent a few minutes talking to fake Simon about all of that. Howard said he's an asshole. Howard said next time he calls in he's really going to give it to him.

  Howard said Heidi is not too old to be topless. He said he enjoys it. Robin said she isn't average. She said the rules don't apply to her.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Heidi is hideous. Howard said get out of here. He asked who he's fucking. Robin asked what he looks like. The caller said he looks worse. Howard asked who he thinks is hot. The caller said his Beth is hot. Howard said he can't argue with that. The caller said he thinks Beth is gorgeous. He said his taste is off with Heidi. Howard said he did marry Beth and not Heidi. Howard said he's tempted to hire this guy Rudy. Rudy said he lives in Florida near Lake Okeechobee. Rudy was talking about gators and all of that. He had a laugh that Howard liked. He said he pictures him living in a swamp with no teeth. Rudy said he takes care of himself. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said that was the laugh of a million cigarettes. Robin said he has his 10,000 hours of cigarettes in. Howard said he imagines the guy married to an alligator.

  Howard said Heidi is a good looking woman. He said he's relieved that he was never seduced by her. He said she did ask to come in and meditate with him. He said maybe she really did want to meditate. Fred played a clip of a woman giving a blow job. Howard said Fred knows what he's talking about. Howard said he's glad he was married.

  Howard said he's an ugly guy. He said he had chicks but it wasn't fun before he was famous. He said that he's not sure that Heidi had that in mind but in his mind she did. Howard said he imagines her coming in to meditate and telling him to put his shockra in her pussy.

  Howard said before he was famous he was like that guy in Florida fucking women who look like alligators. Howard said you can make some mistakes when you have some fame. He said the reality is that she wasn't interested in him anyway. He said she's into young good looking guys.

  Robin said Howard had that question about that woman who asked him out to dinner when he was at E!. Robin said that he said no because he thought she was going to want to fuck him. Robin said she was trying to think of when that was. Howard said he was faithful when he was married. He said he knew he was weak though. Robin said it sounded like dinner to her. Howard said no woman asks you out to dinner.

• Howard Preparing For His Trip To Cleveland. 04/10/18. 7:35am
  Howard said he was opening mail yesterday. He said he has a lot he's working on. He said he has a new project that he hasn't announced yet. He said that Ralph was picking out something for him to wear to the hall of fame thing. He said that they were going through his outfits and all of that. Howard said he puts hours into picking out an outfit and he wonders why he bothers when he sees pictures. He said he had to show it to Beth and she makes a comment. Howard said he hates it but he has to put on clothes to test them out. He said he had to do that when he was a kid and he hated it.

  Howard said he's going to Cleveland under protest. He didn't know how to say no to Jon. He said Ralph picked out some jeans for him to wear and he had him try on more jeans. He said it's like a Pretty Woman montage if the pretty woman was an ugly guy. Howard said he wanted to have a backup outfit so he had to pick out two. He said he knows that he's not going to look good. He said he looks back on what he wore in the past and he didn't look good. Robin said styles change.

  Howard said he had to take some toiletries with him. He said that Ralph told him to pack now. Howard said he just wanted to leave and go downstairs. He said he packed his hair care stuff and his other things. He said he had a checklist. He said he brought some condoms and hair gels and stuff like that.

  Howard said the people from the Letterman special on Netflix wanted pictures from him. He said that they wanted a picture of him with Robin and he knows he has one somewhere. He said that he wasn't looking at Robin though. He said he was looking at himself. He said then 5 minutes after finding one he sees Robin is in mid-laugh. He said that he found something from like 1962 where they're just standing there.

  Howard said he got a check in the mail and it was a residual check. He said he sees it's for the Larry Sanders show. He said that it was weird because they must be showing it somewhere. Robin said maybe that documentary. Howard said he's not in that documentary. He said the check was for 27 cents. Robin asked why they write a check. Howard said he thought maybe it was a test to see if he'd cash it. He said that's what they used to do to Trump with 3 cent checks. Howard said he would cash them. Howard said he figured maybe they were testing him so he deposited it. He said it was weird that it was 27 cents. He said it's insulting. Robin said she gets those too. She said the paper, envelope and stamp cost more.

• Janet's First Squirt. 04/10/18. 7:45am
  Howard took a call from a woman, Janet, who said she had her first squirting experience on her own. Howard said they've learned that it's just pee. Robin said it's pee that comes out when you're really excited. Howard said he's not sure what this squirting is. Janet said that it was her first experience and she was getting it on with another girl in front of a guy. She said that they ended up going down on her in the kitchen and the guy was fingering her and then the next thing she knows it's happening. Howard said she just peed all over the couch. Howard laughed. She said she had just gone to the bathroom though. She said she had just gone pee. She said she doesn't think it's pee.

  Howard asked if she's hot. The caller said she's been told she's like Stacey Dash. She said she's gotten other names like Angelina Jolie too. Howard asked what the girl looked like who was fucking around with her. The caller described her and told Howard how she met her at a bar and ended up going home with her to her hot tub.

  Howard asked Janet what she was wearing. She told Howard what she had on and how both of them were all dressed up. Howard said they're at a bar in the middle of the week and the other woman is grabbing her ass and asking her to go home to her place. Janet said they were splashing around in the pool and this guy calls her on Facetime.

  Howard asked if she thought about the guy filming her. Janet said she didn't think about it at the time. Howard asked what they were wearing in the pool. She said they were both in bra and panties. She said the other woman took her out of the pool and just went at it. Howard asked if she had ever been with a woman before. She said this was her second time. She said that when she added the guy on the phone it was great. She said they were outside the pool at the time. Howard said this chick knew what she was doing.

  Howard said he went down on a woman in a pool and had to wear a snorkel. He asked the woman about when the guy came over and if he just ripped her panties off. She said she did. Her phone was starting to cut out in the middle of her story.

  Howard asked if she has a job. The caller said that she works and this was on the weekend. Howard asked if guys are constantly hitting on her. She said they do. She also said that she's a widow. She said her guy had a cardiac arrest at 37 years old. Howard said the poor guy. He said imagine that. Howard said imagine him telling her not to squirt on some woman's couch on Facetime. Howard said that's his worst nightmare with Beth. He said he can imagine seeing Beth doing that while he's in heaven watching.

  Howard asked when the guy came over. Janet said that it happened the Sunday morning after this Friday night of messing around. She said they went to the beach and then she was making out with the girl and the guy was watching. She said they went to get refills on their drinks and they went back to the beach house. Howard asked what they did. Janet said they were in the kitchen getting refills and he grabbed her by the bikini and started making out with her. She said that he other woman went down on her. Howard said this is what's going on in Florida. He said he feels bad for the woman's husband. Howard asked if she has a perfect ass. She said they say she does.

  Howard asked how he doesn't have a Marconi award. He said Imus got some. Howard asked if the guy really said she tasted good. She said that he did and they went back and forth on her. She said then the guy pulled her to the couch and she was on top of the back of the couch. She said he was basically going at it and then started fingering her. She said he was doing it so well that she was cumming a lot and then she squirted. She said that she didn't even realized what was happening.

  Howard said look at this guy. He said he was so good she was squirting on the couch. The caller said that it wasn't pee. Howard said Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie out of this scene.

  Howard asked what the other girl was doing. Janet said she was kissing her. She said she had her head back and she was making out with her from behind. Janet said at one point she left. She said that the guy kept going because he was getting such pleasure from seeing her squirt. She said they were both naked at that point too.

  Howard said look at this party. He said Trump did it. He made America great again. He said everyone has gone insane. Howard asked at what point he entered her. Janet said she was feeling very dehydrated and the other woman and the guy were messing around so she got some water. She said she walked back in and then the guy bent her over and took her from behind. He said he did use a condom too. Howard said he thinks that the other woman was buying things with this woman's credit card when she disappeared from the room.

  Howard asked if he fucked both of them without cumming. Janet said he did and there was some drinking going on so maybe that slowed him down. Howard wondered what she looks like. Janet said they can check out her Instagram if they want to. Howard said Ronnie wants to buy the piss covered couch that she squirted on.

  Howard put Janet on hold so they can check out her pictures. Howard said he has to see what she looks like. He said that sometimes these women don't look like they say they do. Robin said it's like that new Amy Schumer movie. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. He said that he really should have. He said he has to see what this woman looks like. He said he has to take a break but he's waiting to see her picture.

  Gary brought in a picture and Howard said she's really hot. He said that was actually a guy. He said he has video. Gary said she's beautiful. Howard said there has to be something wrong with her. He said check to see if she has a penis attached to her. Howard said she's really good looking. He said no lie.

  Howard said she can come to his house and piss on his couch. Janet thanked him for that. Howard said he's sure she gets hit on all the time. Janet said she does but a lot of people are intimidated by her.

  Howard asked if she has ever been sexually harassed. Janet said she has of course. Howard asked if bosses ever do. Janet said they do and they put her front first so people see her. Howard said she's like the bait. Howard asked if her teachers ever hit on her. Janet said they didn't. She said that she was a late bloomer. Howard asked how big her boobs are. She said she's a 34-D. She said they're real too. Howard said she's unbelievable. He said she should have 10 million Instagram followers.

  Howard asked Janet if she's going to get it on with that girl and guy again. She said there was a second time but those two aren't seeing each other anymore. She said that they did the second time thing and they had tied her into the bed. Howard said now she's talking. He asked if she was spread eagle. Janet said she was. Howard asked if she was completely helpless. She said she was. Howard said ''Oy vey...'' Howard asked what happens next. She said they were going crazy on her and she wasn't able to do anything because she was tied up. She said then they let her loose and they started having sex.

  Howard said that this guy can hold out a long time. He said Ronnie must be freaking out. He had him come in. Ronnie came in and said everyone wanted to see the picture but Gary went and hid. Gary said he handed it back to Brent. He said he had to run it in there to Howard. He said he came back and gave it to Brent. Ronnie said that they all wanted to see it. Ronnie said he wasn't looking for it. Howard said they should show it to Ronnie.

  Howard asked if Janet did anal with the guy. She said she doesn't like it. She said she hates that she has to leave but she has to go through security. Howard thanked ''Janet'' for the call. He told her he's showing Ronnie her picture. Ronnie said she's hot. Howard let her go after that. Ronnie said she's welcome to come over to his house any time. He said she has to go do her duty now. She was about to go into court.

  Howard said he'd never last that long with two women doing things in front of him. He said look what's going on out there. He said he's way behind already. He said he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.

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• More Calls And Some Email. 04/10/18. 8:10am
  After the break they played a promo for a Ronnie sex toy trial. Howard came back and took a call from a woman who said she doesn't squirt like that other woman. She said that she only urinates in the bathroom. Howard said imagine making someone clean up your pee. Howard said they do say that you're supposed to pee in the shower. The caller asked if they're required to have the water saving toilets. Howard said he flushed his cum tissues down and it took 3 flushes to get them down.

  Howard said they say that they could save millions of gallons of water if people peed in a shower. Howard said how about the person who has to clean the shower. Robins said it sounds like they'll have a water problem if they save it all.

  The caller asked if he cares if she tries to interpret the Steven Stills song. Howard said she can skip that. Gary said that they were talking to Richard and he was saying he pees in the shower but he pees under the rubber mat instead of into the drain. Then it starts to smell. Howard said he's disgusting. He said he really is.

  The caller asked Howard to go to Jeffrey Dean Morgan's farm. She said she would love to be able to have that experience. Howard said one of the nice things about being famous is being able to do that but he has no plans on doing it. He said it would be kind of cool but he doesn't think he'd ever do it. Howard said he has his routine and he can't have it disrupted.

  Howard asked what the attraction is to go to the farm. The caller, Kim, said she loves animals and going there to see that would be great. She said that she also thinks that he's very nice and Norman Reedus is really cool too. Howard let her go after that.

  Howard said it's just never going to happen. He said it sounds like fun but then he thinks about driving up there and he's going to be beat. He said he has to be in social mode and he'll be exhausted. He said he'll be cranky and worry about when he's going to eat lunch. He said he can't ask the guy for lunch. He said he's at someone's house and he can't leave Beth there alone. He said he has to force himself to do stuff and he'll be miserable doing it. He said that's how he gets there and he'll just never go.

  Robin asked how he got to pet a giraffe down in Florida. Howard said his friend Pat set that up. He said he had a room there though. He said that was with his kids and a bunch of people. He said that whole thing was very draining. He said he gets very cranky so he'll never do that. He said he exercises and gets even more miserable.

  Howard said Robin took a hit in the email. He read some of that and some email about other things that were going on with the show. Howard said Robin had some vocal fry yesterday. He played a clip of her doing that. Howard said she really did. Howard said Robin had a nice one too. Someone wrote in about how funny she is on the show.

  Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Bobo's new toupee and the transition to grey. Howard said it goes on and on. Howard said everyone loves the Brandi Carlile song ''The Joke.'' He read some email about that.

  Howard said someone wrote in about how great Robin's voice is. He said it was signed ''The Kardashians.''

  Howard said he has to take a quick break there. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.

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• Live With Kathy Show Clips And JD's Favorite Things. 04/10/18. 8:30am
  After the break Howard came right back and said he has some of JD's favorite things that he pulled clips of. Robin said she likes it when JD tries to get him to pay attention to things. Howard had JD some in. JD came in and said he was waiting to see what he was going to do. Howard said they call this show with this woman Kathy. He said he has some clips to play of her too. Howard asked Robin what she wants first. He just went right to the Kathy thing. Howard said they make phony phone calls to this woman Kathy and she has an internet radio show. He said they call it radio but it's like podcasts. He said they're over the internet. Robin said really no one is listening.

  Howard said Chris Wilding has been calling Kathy for years. He said she thinks that every call is going to be legitimate. Robin asked if she knows she's saying dirty words. Howard said he's not sure. He had a compilation of Chris calling in as Lee Kingsnatch. Howard said she falls for his calls every time. Howard played the compilation clip where they had Lee having her say things in fake Japanese.

  Howard said Kathy is like their muse. He said she does this show 3-4 times a week. He said he's not sure who she's doing it for. He said she does beauty and aging tips. Howard played more of ''Live with Kathy'' clips and said he would tune out right after she does her intro. Howard played a clip of Kathy talking about what she's going to be doing a show on. Howard said it's like entering another dimension with her. He said her show gets very repetitive. He said Chris said it sounds like she has a script she's reading from. Howard played some examples of her catch phrases that she sounded like she was reading.

  Howard said she teaches radio courses. He said he'd love to meet her students. Howard said she has over 1300 episodes of her show posted and she only has 20 followers. He asked why bother. Howard said she takes everything they throw at her though. He said this is a new prank phone call they made to her. He said Chris told her he was trying to woo a woman at the office named Robin. They played some of her song parodies for Kathy. Howard played the call and Chris called in telling Kathy that he was trying to get this woman Robin to pay attention to him. He played a song parody about her and it mentioned her boobs and more. Kathy said that's not what she was expecting at all. Chris played another one and they hung up on him. Chris called back and played another song for them. They had a tough time hanging up on him quickly though.

  Howard said he loves her show. He said maybe they should become listeners. Robin said that the other woman on the show, Rayann, was good too.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he should start throwing out some of those life affirmations on his Twitter. Robin said she was going to do that.

  Howard said they have a ton of clips that JD pulled for the show. He said they call this JD's favorite things. He played a Daniel Mendelson song intro for the segment.

  Howard asked JD what his favorite things are. JD said there's this thing in England where they give away a car. He said this guy won a car and he didn't get excited. Howard said he hates that. Howard said he wanted people to yell back at WNBC when they gave away stuff. Howard played the clip of the guy just saying ''That's great'' and not getting that excited about his win of a Land Rover Sport. The guy just said ''that's great.'' Howard said the whole point of the show is to see the guy get excited. He doesn't care.

  JD said in the next clip he won 10,000 British pounds and he didn't get excited about that either. Howard played the clip and the guy was told he won the 10 grand and he said ''Very nice.'' He wasn't showing any excitement at all. Howard said he knows what this is like from being in radio.

  JD said there was this radio station in Arizona and they were airing a PSA warning people about the consequences for possession of kiddie porn. He said at the end of the commercial they said they should hide it on an external hard drive. Howard played that clip and it sounded like a parody commercial but it was real.

  Howard said there was a clip of the station owner defending that. JD said someone taped it and a local news channel found the owner and asked him about it. Howard played that clip and the owner said that he doesn't agree with the laws of child porn in Arizona. The guy said that you go to prison for life if you're found with the pictures. He said there is no connection between pictures and the kids. Howard said he hasn't done anything wrong. JD said not that they know of.

  JD said there's a guy named Lord Bates in the UK and he was late to a vote and when he walked in he offered his resignation. Howard said he was just a minute late. Howard said he admires that. He said that's what Benjy should have done. JD said Benjy would never speak like this. Howard played the clip and the guy came in and said he's very sorry for showing up late. He said he's been there for 5 years and he is so ashamed that he's offering his resignation immediately. Everyone was going nuts in the room when he did that. Howard said that's over the top.

  Howard said that's what he was advising Trump to do. He said you don't threaten the FBI. He said now they're raiding his Attorney's office. He said he doesn't need all of this. He said now his wife knows about Stormy Daniels and all of that. He said it's way out of hand. JD said he wanted to be president. Howard said if he had billions of dollars and some side pieces of ass he wouldn't want to be President. He said he could be home buttering Melania's ass. Howard said how about that JD's favorite things. They went to break a short time later.

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• Amy Schumer Visits. 04/10/18. 8:55am
  After the break they played a phony phone call the guys made to some guy using clips of Ronnie as Scoresman. They also played a song parody about JD and The Police ''Every Little Thing She Does is Magic'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and said that Amy Schumer is there. He said she's in a new movie called ''I Feel Pretty.'' Amy said she likes the new studio setup. Howard said they did change it. Howard said her life must be good. Amy said it's all because of Howard. Howard said she was funny. Amy said she was happy being a road comic. She said this is good too though.

  Howard said last he saw her she was with that other dude. Amy said that was the only time she ever lied to him. She said they had already broken up. She said she didn't want to get into it before the movie came out. Howard said he was there the first night she went on a date with that guy. She said that was weird. Howard said she met him on a dating app. He said he's not sure why he's paranoid but things could have gone wrong. Amy said she was so tired at the time that she asked him to come home with her. She said her sister said no.

  Howard said you have to go somewhere to meet in public to see if the guy is normal. Amy said she was too lazy for that. She said she'd already had a good run. Howard said that relationship lasted a long time. She said it was 18 months. She said she still has love for him. Howard asked if there was marriage potential there. Amy said maybe. She said that she's 36 and she was thinking that the prince would climb up her hair and eat her out. She said that she was wondering what she could handle. She said he was very nice but she would rather be alone. She said she didn't want to get married. Amy said she said goodbye to him and she was single again.

  Howard said Amy met this chef guy and rushed into marriage. Amy said she never wanted to get married. Robin said the rumor was that she had just met him. Amy said it wasn't true. She said she wasn't posting pictures of him. She said they were together for 6 months. She said that she doesn't do a good job. Howard said he's glad she can hold her tongue with that. Howard said he thinks it's very evolved. He said if a woman lets him enter her he doesn't need more than that. He said that's it. Howard said if you're married to a healthy homosexual then he should be happy to just be able to get in there.

  Howard said he has to get to her new movie. He said he thinks she's on to something with it. He said he loves romance. He said he never thought he'd be discussing it with her. He said it's hard to read people. Howard asked if she consulted her sister with the new guy. Amy said of course she did. She said she doesn't mess around. She said she doesn't have anyone in her life that's not honest with her. She doesn't have a yes person.

  Howard asked if it's worth being married and if she would recommend it. Amy said she would. She said that she's thinking about kids too. She said she has a little dog and she loves her. She said she has nieces and whatever. Howard said she was smart for not changing her name because she would have been Amy Fischer. Amy said that she could have had her own Joey Buttafuoco. Howard asked if she's going to have her own babies. Amy said she and Robin have entered a surrogacy situation. Amy said Robin is carrying it for her.

  Howard said he likes this guy as a chef because he's got a job. Howard said this is for real. Howard asked how she meets this man. Amy said her assistant is his sister. Amy said she used to tie her own shoe laces and wipe herself but now she has an assistant. Howard said now she can't fire her. Amy said it's the other way around. She said if she quits she's going to see her at Christmas. Howard asked how she met the brother. Amy said she was filming this movie that summer and she was up in Boston and her brother was from there. She said he was a chef and her assistant said if she wanted a chef then she could have him over. Amy said he was very good at his job and she figured he was getting so much puss that it didn't register with her. She said she just thought that he was so out of her league that she just talked to him. Howard asked if he's a private chef. Amy said he does all of that shit. She said that he cooked for the Obamas and he has awards for his cooking. She said that's why she locked it down.

  Amy said that they were at the same spot in their lives. She said that's how they settled in. Amy said that the day before she had diarrhea. She said that she told him that too. Howard asked how that comes up. Amy said she told him that she went for a walk and she came back quickly because she had to go to the bathroom. Amy said the only time she felt a connection was when she got her dog and he was there. She said she got her dog out there and she was waiting for it to be delivered. She said that she named the dog Tatiana Maslany after the actress. She said this guy was the best guy she had ever met but nothing sexual was there. She said she wasn't thinking about him in that way.

  Howard said she'd go into the chef area and she would talk to this guy. Howard asked how romance blossoms. He said he must have been intimidated too. Amy said she doesn't think so. She said he grew up on Martha's Vineyard. Amy said it was her friend Rachel Feinstein's birthday and she asked him to cook for it. She said that they were planning a party together and she was like ''Uh oh'' and the blood was going to all the places. She said they were looking at each other a little longer and it just changed. She said she didn't do anything. She said she asked Molly (her assistant) if it was out of the question. She said she may have just not wanted to get fired. Amy said she asked her and then he asked Molly. She said that he was asking if it was a good idea or not. Howard said that they both knew and they wondered if they should do it. Amy said then right after that they watched some Arrested Development together and she saw how smart he was. She said it was hot as it was building up.

  Amy said she was going to get a bone or something from the dog and he put his arms around her and he kissed her. That's how it all started. Amy said it was on after that. She said they were both open with each other.

  Howard asked if she was worried that sex was going to be a disappointment. Amy said she just wanted to see how it worked out. She said there's usually a deal breaker with something. She said she didn't have that with him.

  Howard asked if her wedding vow was to promise to blow him the rest of his life. Amy said it wasn't exactly that but it was something like that. She told Howard that it is scary when you think that it could stop. Amy said they can't stop fucking and that hasn't been a problem.

  Howard said Amy put out for him. Amy said they did have sex. She said that it was no nonsense. She said it was just ''lets go.'' She said it was sweet and very nice. She said she wanted him to sleep in her bed. She said she doesn't usually like that. She said in the morning she didn't want him to go. Howard said he heard they took a shower before. Amy said she whooshed some water up there from the sink. She said that's the Long Island sprinkler.

  Howard said her assistant must have shown up the next day. Amy said she had off that day. She said that she may have known something was going on.

  Howard said that they must have had to keep it a secret. Amy said she learned that no one really cares and they weren't trying to hide it. She said they were out and hanging out and no one cared.

  Howard said it's sort of sudden that they married so quickly. Amy said they knew each other for a year but lived together for 6 months. Howard said that's kind of quick though. Amy said they are both supporting each other and they're partners. Howard asked if they came clean about their previous relationships. Amy said they know. She said he read her book after they were together. She said she told him to read it.

  Howard said Amy was brutally honest in her book. He said now he knows her. He said anyone could know her from reading that book.

  Howard asked what the proposal was like. Amy said it was terrible. She said that it's never like in the movies. She said that she was asleep and he kind of sat on the bed and she pulled off her sleeping mask and told her ''I got you this.'' She said that's the proposal. Howard asked if he said ''darling'' or anything. She said she likes it when he says her name. Howard said he never says Beth's name. He said he has other names for her. He said he calls her ''sweet love.'' Amy said that's creepy as hell. Howard said he's a creep so that makes sense.

  Amy said that he asked her if she wanted him to get on a knee. Amy said she didn't want him to and she didn't want to wear a diamond. She said she has it on. She said she got trolled on the internet for it being small. She said she doesn't care about that. She said she gets picked on all the time on the internet. Howard asked if she answers them. Amy said no. Howard said you'll go crazy. Amy said hi to all of the trolls and people on Reddit.

  Howard said the proposal and the ring and then the wedding. Amy said they had a pre-nup. She said they already had that. She said it's made of what they make the black box on a plane out of. She said they wanted to do that right away. She said that it's Equal Pay day today. Howard said it's tough when someone makes more money than the other in the house. Howard said they have to figure all of that out. Amy said they both pick up the check. She said when he's not working he's cooking at home. She said they have a good thing going at home. Amy said they're both very generous and they don't need each other for that. She said it's good.

  Howard said he was wondering what if you meet a guy and find out he was a troll of her's. Amy said that's a great idea. Howard said what happens is that he works his way into her life and he figures out that she's a real person. Howard said then they get married and have a great life together. Then she finds out that he was a troll. Amy said that's a great idea.

  Howard said he heard this wedding was kind of sudden. Howard said she texted her friends asking who would come if she got married on Tuesday. Amy said people weren't shocked. She said that her family loves him. She said they knew him before they were even together. She said her sister called and told her to make sure she's ready. She said that it was the easiest decision she's ever made. She said they're all happy for her.

  Howard asked if she talked this over with her therapist. Amy said she did. Howard said he has to make sure she wasn't cuckoo. Amy said that they have had fights and stuff. She said that she's not an idiot and she's not going to think that they're not going to be attracted to other people. She said they can get through it. Howard said he knows she's attracted to Ronnie. Amy said she's never wanted to be a dildo more in her life.

  Howard asked if the wedding was everything she wanted. Amy said she never really dreamed about a wedding. She said that she had the wedding and they walked down the aisle to The Rainbow Connection. She said that she wore a white dress and they had the best time. She said they said their vows and all of that. She said her sister got dressed up. She said that she was married by a friend John Early. She said he has a character he does on The Characters and he did that. She said he made it fun.

  Howard said he heard that she got a private plane for her and her friends. Amy said that she had her Long Island friends on the plane and they are scream talkers. She said that her dad is kind of quiet. She said that it was the best. She said she had bachelortette stuff all over her.

  Howard asked how she decides the guest list. Amy said they figured out who they love and who won't make it about themselves. Howard said Jennifer Lawrence was there. Amy said that she was and she was great. She said she's one of her best friends. She said Jennifer annoyed her for worrying about annoying her at the wedding. Howard said he feels like there's a pressure for people to be witty at the wedding. Amy said she was ready to cry when people were toasting her. She said Larry David was there so you know he's evaluating them. She said that their friends were all telling jokes about what she taught them and it was like a roast.

  Howard asked how she got close to Larry David. Amy said she shot an episode of Curb with him years ago. She said that Howard and Larry would get along. Howard said he ran into him somewhere and they talked about getting together but they never did.

  Howard asked how Amy's friends got along with the husband's friends. She said that they say they know how to get along with celebrities now. She said they have calmed down over the years.

  Howard said he has a list of people who were there. Howard said Jennifer Aniston and Amy said she was not there. Amy said she only met Jen once and she was what she thought she would be. Howard said Kyle Dunnigan and Chelsea Handler were there. Howard said she had David Spade there too. Amy said he's the funniest dude. Howard said David said he was thinking he might be able to hook up with Jennifer Lawrence. Amy said he does well. He said he's legendary. Howard asked if she ever hooked up with him. Amy said no. She said she only dated one comic. She said that was enough.

  Howard said he was very happy to see that she and Steve Martin hooked up to do the play together. He said that he has to hear about that. Howard said to meet Steve was a very big deal for him. Amy said oh yeah. Howard said if he asks you to be in a play you just have to do it. Amy said she said yes before even reading it. She said he's one of those guys you just don't want to annoy. She said he's kind of hard to read. She said that he's used to people taking and wanting from you. She said it takes a while to get to trust someone. Howard said Steve is one of those guys you care about and want to please. Amy said they had met over the years and she knew Edie Brickell. She said they hit it off. She said that he called her and asked her to do this play and she couldn't say no. She said she had done stuff with him in the past.

  Howard asked if it was a big commitment to do that. Amy said she didn't even think about it. She said you work on it and workshop it. She said that Steve was there any time he could be. She said the director was there and she'd tell them if something didn't work for her. She said they'll just change it.

  Amy said that the money she made during that whole thing was what she would make with one or two stand up gigs. She said she didn't care though. She was just happy to work with Steve. Amy said it was good and she loved doing it but she was glad when it was over. She said it's just the same thing over and over again.

  Howard said he heard that she went off on the audience. Amy said that on the night they filmed the show a guy opened up a bag of Peanut M&M's and started eating them. She said she came out of character and said ''Really? Peanut M&M's?'' She said he put it away and he was sweet about it.

  Howard said he has to tell her that he hasn't seen the movie yet but Gary did. He said the trailers look good. He said that he thinks she has something there. Howard said she's a woman with no self confidence. Howard said she gets bonked on the head somehow. He said she wakes up thinking she looks like Giselle Bundchen. Howard said he saw the previews and she walks around holding herself differently. He said she's proving the point that if you feel good about yourself then you'll be successful. Howard said that's funny, right? Amy said it's funny.

  Amy said everyone has trouble with self esteem. She said that you just want to shake your friends and have them see how they really are. She said that it would be great if everyone felt that good about themselves.

  Howard asked how long it was to shoot the movie. Amy said it was a couple of months. She said it was hard work though. She said she had to track exactly where she was in character. She said that she was producing it too. Howard said doing the TV show must have helped. Amy said it did. Howard said he show was never canceled so it could come back. Amy said it could. She said she can see it coming back for a special. She said she's thankful for Saturday Night Live.

  Howard said Amy got sick during Snatched from working too much. Amy said she's pacing herself now. Howard said the movie comes out on April 20th. Howard asked if there's pressure on her. Amy said not at all. She said she doesn't want to be a movie star. She said she can do stand up and she loves doing that. She said she only wants to do movies where she's good for the part.

  Howard asked who directed the film. Amy said it was Marc Silverstein. She said that she thinks they really pulled it off and it's really funny. Howard said Gary was raving about it. He said he loved it. Amy said it is really funny. She said she was in the test screenings and they were all laughing.

  Howard said that they've learned a lot today. He said they found out she splashes water on her vagina before sex. Amy said not anymore.

  Howard gave Amy some plugs for the movie and said her whole world changes in this. He said it opens on April 20th. Robin asked where she's going to be that day. Amy said she'll be in L.A. on that day. She said she's going to a premiere and she'll have some screenings for her parents and some for some teenage girls. She said it is PG-13 so that's why she's doing that.

  Howard said he's happy for Amy. He said congrats on everything. He said fuck the trolls. Amy said she has to thank Howard for doing what he did for her. Howard said he didn't do anything. Amy said she has to thank Robin for cutting in line at Six Flags years ago. Robin said they played that clip earlier about that. Howard said Robin has her own thing going. He said hey learned a lot about Amy being in love. He said they thought maybe she wasn't capable of love but she is. Howard said she has married that man. Amy said they really enjoy the same stuff. Howard asked how he handles the loves scenes in movies. Amy said she hasn't had to do that yet. She said he's cool though.

  Howard asked if he has a brother for Robin. Amy said he does but he's married. Howard said he's been interviewing guys for Robin. He said that's what he's busy with. Howard gave her some more plugs and went to break a short time later.

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• Millie Bobby Brown, Paris Jackson, Tattoos And More. 04/10/18. 10:05am
  After the break they played a Ronnie the Limo Driver personalized greeting commercial parody. They also played Bon Jovi performing ''You Give Love a Bad Name'' in the Howard Stern Show studio.

  Howard came back singing along with Bon Jovi. He said ''Hey now!'' for a lot of the lyrics and said that's his Hall of Fame speech actually.

  Howard asked Robin if she's all set for the hall of fame thing. Robin said yes. Howard said he's sorry he forgot all about it. Robin said she kept waiting for calls. Howard said don't wait for his call. He said he's really traumatized about the whole thing. He said he fucked up. Robin said he has a lot on his mind. She said she's not sure why she's putting more there for him. Howard said she's fucking up his life.

  Howard said he was listening to a tape of Millie Bobby Brown. He asked how she can be 13. He said he was a huge douche at that age. He said he had no thoughts. He said he's doing a commercial for Calvin Klein and she's doing it with Paris Jackson. Howard said that some other girl is there too. Howard said Gary told him he should follow Paris Jackson on Instagram. Howard said he's following her now. He said Gary told him it's fascinating. He said you have to follow Blanket too. Gary said he has to find out the name. He said it's not Blanket. Howard said he calls himself that. Gary said it's Prince Jackson. Gary said Paris is out living her life now. Howard said there's a lot going on and she has no idea what to do.

  Howard said he doesn't like the tattoo he has on his arm. He said it's so stupid. He said his first tattoo was an astrological sign and he hates astrology. He said it was stupid. Robin said Howard told her not to name her cat Yoda but what he just said is even crazier than that. Howard said not really. He said he thought it looked cool but it really didn't. He said he doesn't really care that he's a Capricorn.

  Howard said he said to a woman who does tattooing to make it look cool. He said she came up with a dragon thing. He said now you don't see it but it's kind of there. He said the whole thing is just stupid.

  Howard said he's glad he didn't do anything stupid like make it bigger and bigger like The Rock. Howard forgot what he was talking about. Robin said he was talking about the arrangements for the Hall of Fame thing. Robin said she was going to find out what the details of his time out there were going to be. Howard said she can find out. Howard asked if she wants to go with him. Robin said she doesn't want to go when he's not here. Howard said he'll tell her when he's going. He said she won't want to be near him. Robin said she can't get enough of him. She said she has to find some time to be with him.

  Howard said it was good seeing Amy Schumer. He said she's so funny. Robin said Gary reminded her that she had a great joke about finding your prince and he climbs up your hair and then eat your pussy. Robin forgot the punch line though. Howard had to remind her about the pussy eating part.

• Calls And New SiriusXM Radios. 04/10/18. 10:10am
  Howard took a call from a guy who asked why they were never on in Atlanta when he was on terrestrial radio. Howard said it's kind of boring but he'll tell him. He said there was a lot of resistance when he syndicated his show. He really wanted to be on in Atlanta. He said he figured they'd take over in a week down there. Howard said when they went into Montreal they took over in a day. Then the Canadian government took them off the air. He said they need Canadian content up there. Howard said fuck you to them.

  Howard said in Atlanta he went to management and down there they were making money. He said he was getting hammered by the FCC and they did the math and figured they didn't want to rock the boat. Howard said they would get on stations that were doing horribly but not in Atlanta. Howard said he wasn't able to find a station that was shitty enough to go on. He said the reason they were never on was because they were doing well enough that they didn't need him. Howard said there was one station making about a million or two a year but they didn't want to lose all of their sponsors if they brought him on. He said they blocked his dream with their fucking point.

  Howard said that's how it goes. He said that's business. He said he told the guy it was boring. He said they are in the radio business and that's how it goes. He said he reads the trade papers and a bunch of companies are going bankrupt. He said they're not sure if regular radio is going to make it.

  Howard said Sirius is doing so well now. He said that he was getting stoked reading about the new SiriusXM radios. He said that they're going to break it down and let you talk to your radio. He said they'll let you ask for Bon Jovi and they'll even mix in interviews he's done and things like that. He said that it's crazy.

  Jason said they had it all broken down into talk and music and they had big buttons and stuff. He said it was all done in a cool way. Howard said he didn't know they were doing that. Jason said they also made it easier to get to the on demand stuff. Howard said that's right. He said you can talk to it and tell it to get that stuff.

• Robin's News. 04/10/18. 10:20am
  Howard said he's going to play a song. He played Robin into her news with a Little Mikey song parody. Robin said she's not sure if Howard is as fascinated with it as she is. Howard said he wants to know how Ronnie came to be. Howard did a talk up of how it started with apes and then evolution started and Ronnie came out of the ass juice of evolution. Robin said they found a fossil finger in Saudi Arabia that's at least 85,000 years old. Robin said they think that this means that migration around the world started sooner than they thought. Howard said imagine you were born back then when nothing was around. He said now is the time to be alive. He said he's not sure what it all means. He said he got all weepy and philosophical when they had to put their cat down. He said she was there comfortable with them and she wasn't even 3 years old. He said he asked Sophia what it all means. He said she just said he's a pussy. Howard said he's all fucked up about it. He said seeing his beloved cat die just fucked him up. He said now he's thinking about his own immortality. He said it's all opened up. Robin said he has to drop the suffering because one of these days he's going to die. Howard said come on Robin. Robin said he won't have enjoyed any of the ride.

  Howard said he has Howard from 25 years ago on the phone. He said he's not sure he wants to do this. He said this is Howard from about 30 years ago. Howard picked up and young Howard was calling him a pussy. Howard said he's just in touch with how he feels about things. Young Howard asked if he buried the cat in a shoe box. Howard said he's an asshole. They had young Robin laughing in the background too. Young Howard was saying that it's just a cat so get over it. Howard was calling him old Howard. They ended up cursing each other out. Howard said that guy is a real prick. He said he told him off and Robin heard it.

  Robin read more about the fossil finger and Howard said speaking of that when is summer going to get there. He said that Jimmy sent him a picture out on the beach out there and it's 90 degrees. He said he has to get to some warm weather.

  Robin said Tom Arnold wants Roseanne to stop spreading conspiracy theories. Howard said some people can't get out of your life. Howard said he has people like that. He said they can't leave him alone. He said the best parts of their lives were when they were with him and they just can't get over it. Robin said Roseanne has been spreading stories about how Trump has been freeing enslaved kids around the world. Robin said Tom has been talking about that and telling her to stop believing everything she reads. Howard said he's a Roseanne expert so who else are they going to turn to. Howard said they should have an episode where Tom is haunting her.

  Robin asked if you have to be smart if you're hot. Robin said that's what guys are demanding now. Robin said George Clooney did that with his wife Amal. Howard said she's really hot. Robin said Brad Pitt is dating some MIT professor. Robin said that he can't just want to talk to her. Howard said he's doing the George Clooney thing. Robin said George sets the standard and everyone follows.

  Robin read a story about Seth Meyers' wife having a baby in the lobby of their building. Robin said Amy mentioned that earlier. Howard said he's not sure how that happens. He asked how that happens. Robin had some audio of Seth talking about it on his show. Howard and Robin said congratulations to the two of them.

  Robin read a story about senator Tammy Duckworth having a baby and she's the first sitting senator who has given birth. Howard asked Robin if she ever thought she should have had a child. Robin said no. She said it would bother her. She said she'd be very weirded out every time she looked at them. Robin said she has friends who are having babies and she's like ''Oh my god...'' She said it never occurred to her that's what she should be doing.

  Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he was born in the toilet. Howard asked Jeff about his addiction problems. Jeff had the mailman there. Howard said he's trying to ask him something. He asked if he think something happened in his childhood to fuck him up. He said he just wants to be high and drunk. Jeff said that had nothing to do with it. Robin said she thinks about how she could have had a Jeff the Drunk. Howard asked if he blames his parents for his issues. Jeff said he doesn't. He said he doesn't think he has issues. Howard asked if he ever thinks about how he could have had a job and a wife and a straight life. Jeff asked if he's trying to depress him. Howard said he's just asking some questions. Jeff said he thinks about that.

  Howard asked why he never evolved. Jeff said he thinks that his arm limited him to what he can fucking do in life. Howard said there are a lot of people who have it worse than he does. Howard said Marfan Mike even does customer service. He said Gary the Conqueror works at Burgerville. He said there's something going on there. He said maybe it was something in his upbringing. Jeff said no. He said he had step brothers who work. He said he thinks it's just the arm. Howard said he didn't mean to get heavy. He asked Jeff if he had any ambition in his life. Jeff said he was going to school to be a carpenter. Howard asked what happened to that. He said he guesses he gets why that wouldn't work. Jeff said he was very active before the accident. Howard said maybe it was the accident. Jeff said he would come in last in track but at least he was out there. Robin said the drummer in Def Leppard never stopped drumming when he lost his arm. Howard said that's true. Howard said he has more questions for Jeff but maybe another day. He let Jeff go after that and did a live commercial read.

  Robin read a story about Jimmy Kimmel and Sean Hannity's feud being off. Robin said that Jimmy apologized and Sean has accepted it. Howard said he can finally breathe now that the feud is over.

  Robin said you wonder what the anatomy of a mass shooter is. Howard said he's fascinated with this YouTube shooter. He said she's so weird and kind of hot in a way. He said he hates to say that. He said you don't expect attractive women to go shoot people. He said there's no reason for her to shoot anyone you think. Robin had some audio of this Nasim Aghdam doing a parody of Taylor Swift. Howard said she had kind of a nice body. He said that he likes super skinny chicks like that. He said she looks like she didn't eat for a week. Howard played more of her doing the Taylor Swift thing. Howard asked how this is like Taylor Swift. He said she's there with them now. He had her come in. One of the guys was doing an impression of Nasim Aghdam and came in rambling nonsense. Howard let her go after a couple of minutes. Robin said her parents say they're shocked by this. Howard said he thought she was alright. Howard said no one died but she did. He said she killed herself. Howard said he misses her already. He told her to come back in. Fake Nasim came back in for a short time. Howard said some people think she was a computer generated person. He had a clip of someone talking about that. Howard said there's a conspiracy theory behind everything. Robin said they should keep an eye on that person too.

  Robin said the US Attorney's office is saying that a friend of the San Bernardino shooter should spend 20 years in prison. Robin said that they say he provided the gun for the shooter. Robin said it's not clear if he knew what they were going to do with the gun. Robin said he pleaded guilty in 2017 for several charges. Robin said he's going to be sentenced in 3 weeks.

  Robin read a story about today being Sibling Day. Robin said it's a holiday celebrating relationships between siblings. Robin said they act like everything is all rosy with siblings but that's not the case all the time.

  Robin read a story about people who say they love hot food and they go to places that have really hot foods. Robin said that a guy who did that ate the hottest pepper in the world and it sent him to the hospital. He started dry heaving and was in severe pain. Robin said within days he was having crippling headaches and had to go to the emergency room. Robin said he had a condition where the blood vessels in his brain were constricting. Howard said he thinks Gary had that a few years ago. Gary said he isn't into that hot pepper stuff.

  Robin said the new play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is breaking sales records. Robin told Howard what it's about and he said he's so glad he has no idea what she's talking about.

  Robin read a story about director James Toback having a sigh of relief after all 5 of his sexual misconduct cases were dismissed. Robin said most of the claims were outside the statute of limitations.

  Robin read a story about Bill Cosby's trial. Robin said that his attorneys are going to make their opening statements today. Robin had some audio from a news report about a juror who said he already thinks he's guilty. Howard said that you can think that but maybe they will convince them they're wrong. Gary said that naked women who jumped the fence yesterday was actually on the Cosby show 4 times. Howard said he thought she was pretty hot. He said he didn't know she was in Cosby. Robin said she didn't either. Robin read more about the Cosby case and what's going on with that.

  Robin read a story about marijuana and how it's not allowed in Cochella even though it's in California. Robin said that you apparently can't have pot in that environment.

  Robin read a story about synthetic pot killing some people. Robin said that it was tested positive for rat poison. Robin said this is why you have to legalize drugs so you know what you're getting. Robin said that pot is also being recommended for the opioid problem.

  Robin read a story about Sarah Huckabee Sanders saying that the White House is doubling down on widespread voter fraud. Robin had some audio of her talking about that.

  Robin read a story about President Trump's lawyer's office being raided by the FBI. Robin said that Stormy Daniels lawyer is happy about that. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard said we're never going to be able to go back to a normal news cycle after this. He said if there's a normal day and there's no breaking Trump news he gets bored. Robin had more audio clips for Howard to play about this whole thing. Fred also played some oral sex audio as Robin was going through that story.

  Robin read a story about the president talking about how we're going to respond to the chemical weapons being used in Syria. Robin had some audio of Trump saying that it will be met forcefully but he's not saying when. Robin said he's apparently planning something.

  Robin said that they say if you lose your nest egg that it could kill you. Robin said they say that financial losses can have an effect on your mortality. Robin said be careful if you lose all your money.

  Robin read a story about Cardi B going down in the Tonight Shows record books. Robin said she was the first co-host on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Robin had some audio of her on the show. Robin wrapped up the news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.

• Robin's Mistake, Email, Jim Bakker And More. 04/11/18. 7:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: A ''Beet Rogers in the 25th Century'' commercial parody with Beetlejuice, Mike Tyson, Amy Poehler and William Shatner, a phony phone call to the Angry Political Guy show using clips of Ronnie and Richard, a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody, Sting performing ''Every Breath You Take'' in the Howard Stern Show studio.

  Howard started the show talking about how he kept the show guest free today. He said he's there to be one with you. He said he's looking at you and loving you and wanting to be with you. He said he ran out of things to say unfortunately. He said he's been doing it 40 something years and he's run out of things to say. He said he has a lot of things to do so he's going to cancel the show and go home. Robin said maybe he can do them there so they can hear about them. Howard said she can sit quietly and listen to him work.

  Howard said they're hearing the early years of satellite radio. He said they have a lot of exciting things on the horizon there. He said he's not sure what they are but they have things going on. Robin said they do have a lot of people there. Howard said she's right about that. Robin said she was trying to figure out who people were there. She said a young woman got in the elevator and she said hi to her. She said she wanted to reach out and find out what she does. Robin said she asked what department she works in and she says she works on the Howard Stern show. Howard said she should just not talk to anyone. Robin said she was so embarrassed. Howard said Robin is a big superstar so she can't be bothered with the little people. Robin said she doesn't know who some people are there. She said she knows who Ashley is now. Fred played Robin's news theme music.

  Howard said Robin asked Fred who he works for this morning. Robin said don't attack her because he has done the same thing. Howard said Ashley has been there since 1979.

  Howard said they got a lot of email about Amy Schumer. He said people also want more Ronnie. He spread some of those emails. Howard read about him yelling at his old self on the phone. He had some mail about his therapy and said he only has another 20 years to go with that.

  Howard said someone gave Robin an F, Marry, Kill. He gave Roger Waters, Simon Cowell and Jim Bakker. Howard said he thought it was for him. He said he's not that angry with Simon Cowell to kill him. He said that Roger Waters is a fucking maniac with that Israel and Palestinian thing. Robin said no one is listening to him. Howard said Jim Bakker ripped people off. Robin said the lord can't solve the problem. Howard said he thinks since Jim stole from stupid people...

  Howard said that someone was asking who Jim is. He said he has an update on who Jim Bakker is. He said people have to be reminded of what's going on here. He said that he should have gotten more prison time. He said here he is present day doing his thing. Howard played a clip of Bakker talking about why we were ''given'' President Trump by God. Howard said Jim has so much horse shit to sling that he'll find something to say about how it's not a big deal. Howard played more of him defending Trump and comparing him to other presidents who have had affairs. He said the most beloved president did that. He never mentioned the name of that president.

  Howard played more of the clip and talked about how this country is filled with fools. He said this guy conned people out of money. He said he was selling people time shares that never got built. He said he went to jail and got out and now he's back to doing this. He said people seem to think he's a good guy. He was a real con man. He said he and his wife Tammy Fay Bakker had their own PTL club. He said it was a Christian version of a talk show. He said it was all serious shit. He said at his best he had 6 million viewers. He said that's not too shabby.

  Howard said he has a clip from 1985 when they did a Christmas special. He played that and said it was produced pretty well.

  Howard said the ministry brought in 129 million a year. He said they had an air conditioned dog house and their own theme park. He said it was the third most visited theme park in the country. He said it was all based on hocus pocus. Howard said their friend Jessica Hahn came out and said that she was drugged and raped by Bakker and someone else. Howard had some audio of Jessica talking about being raped. She said it was the people she put her faith in that let her down.

  Howard said she got way more than Stormy Daniels when she got a pay off. Robin said that's why she was shocked that Stormy didn't get more. Howard said that Jim claimed that he didn't rape her. He said it was consensual. Howard said they did an investigation into the ministry's finances and figured out he was taking funds from the church. He said they were using money to expand the park but he kept selling time shares. Howard said Jim stepped down in 1987 and then Jerry Fallwell took over. He said Jerry accused Jim of having homosexual relationships. Howard said you can't do that. He played a clip of Jerry doing that.

  Howard said that Jim and Tammy ended up in jail after that. He said in 1995 he interviewed a guy named Peaches who claimed he was Jim's lover. He played a couple of clips from that interview. He claimed he had oral sex with Jim in jail. He claimed that he was very small and it was like flossing his teeth.

  Howard said here's a sad fact. He said he had a class action settlement and the 165,000 members that sued got back $6.54 each. Howard said that shows who gets the money in the class action suit. Howard said Fred used to call in as Jim Bakker. He played a clip of Fred doing that on the phone.

  Howard said then you think about Jim being gone. He said you think the followers would stop following him. He said then he's back on the air selling food buckets. Robin said it would be interesting to find out if it's the same people who gave him the money and sued. Howard said it's their stupid kids probably. He said they have a big following again.

  Howard played some audio of Jim talking about the food buckets they sell. They were talking about how you can stack them as furniture in your house. Howard said he's never heard a sales pitch like that. He said it's something you'll never use. He said at least you get a table out of it. He said it's like Ikea for morons. He said he's cornered the idiot market. He said he always comes up with something.

  Robin said he's lost some of his timbre but he's still out there selling crap to people. Howard said that you can take your table and dismantle it and use the buckets to hold it up.

  Howard played more clips of Jim talking about his food buckets. He played a song parody the guys made of Jim talking about stacking up the food buckets.

  Howard said when you drop dead during the apocalypse you can bury people in the food bucket. Howard said people will be eating each other but you'll have food buckets.

  Howard said imagine your house is full of food buckets. Howard said for the price of those buckets you can buy actual furniture. He asked if you really want to be alive if the world is out of food. Robin asked if they can start up the world again after that. Howard said that's the DNA that's going to start the world over again. He said some people need a reminder of who Jim Bakker is. He said he thought it was all over with but it's still going on.

• Beth's Not So Sexy Story. 04/11/18. 7:25am
  Howard took a call from a woman, Beth, who said he doesn't sound happy. Howard asked when he does. He said no one likes someone who is happy. He said he just gets annoyed by them. He said that people can relate to him being miserable. Beth said he sounds like her mother.

  Beth said that she has a story for him. She said it's like that story yesterday. Howard said they got a lot of email about that caller yesterday. He said she was talking about that squirting thing. Howard said he's not sure he wants to hear this again. He said he was in the mood yesterday.

  Beth said it's better than that. Howard said they have to show that she's hot first. The caller said she's older but she's hot. Howard said they're going to pass. Beth asked when they last had a story about when the woman was the alpha. Howard said he doesn't care. She said she likes to tie her man up and bring other women into the room.

  Howard said he's going to see if he can get into this. He said she's 50. He said he can see the email coming in now. He said don't email him about this. Fred played a Blue Iris clip where she was asking to put a finger in his ass.

  Howard asked the woman what her story is. She said that she was in a mom group on Facebook and she found this guy. Howard asked if she looks like Martha Raye and if she has her own teeth. She said she does have her own teeth. Howard asked if she has saggy tits. He asked if anyone is getting worked up.

  Howard asked if she looks like Bea Arthur. He said he's just not getting into this. He wanted to give Beth a chance. He said he's going to touch his penis now.

  Howard asked who she looks like. Beth said she looks like herself. She said she has an athletic body and she weighs between 130-140 pounds. Howard let out a ''Whoa!'' Robin said she's athletic though. Howard asked if she shaves her asshole. He said he's just not getting into this. He said he really wants to try.

  Howard asked Beth to keep going and if it was almost over. He said he knows he's being rude. Beth said the story might be so good he'll want to jerk off later. Howard asked if she still gets her period. She said she does and she's more regular now than she was in her 20s.

  Howard asked if she can get wet naturally or does she have to sit on a can of Crisco. She said it depends on how worked up she is. Howard said she sounds like a School Marm. Beth said she might look like that.

  Howard took a call from a guy who was vomiting about her story. Howard asked Beth to get to her story. Beth said she has two male submissives and one female who give her permission to do anything to them sexually. Howard said he tied someone up once and he didn't know what to do. Beth told Howard about bringing these people over to play with her. Howard said he's going to move on from this. Beth said he's breaking her heart. Howard said maybe it's too early in the morning. He said most sex stories don't start with a ''mom group.''

  Howard said he thinks he's going to move on. Robin said he's not into this story. She said that other woman had a story about her first squirting experience. Robin said her approach is all wrong. Howard said it's just too graphic. He said he doesn't care about her tying up a guy.

  Howard asked if her bush is big and grey. Beth said no. She said maybe she should change her story to shoving a dildo up her ass as Ronnie. Howard said he's going to play a Ronnie clip later that's going to make your hair curl.

  Howard told Beth to go ahead with her story. Beth said that she sent her girl to her guy to give the guy a blow job. Howard said he has a woman on the phone who is 52 and says she's terrific. Howard took the call and the guys had a guy doing a voice telling a not so sexy story about tying a guy up. The guy wasn't even changing his voice as he was playing Edna.

  Howard spent a minute with Edna before letting her go. Beth said she can see where this is going. Howard said they're enjoying this. Beth said she was so into calling. Howard said he's just having some fun. Beth asked why 50 is so old to him. Howard said he has 14 years on her. He said no one wants to hear his sex stories. Beth said she likes to hear them.

  Howard said he doesn't want to be rude. He asked her to condense her story. He said he doesn't want to come off rude. Howard asked what she's wearing right now. Beth said she's in pajamas. Howard said she's putting this all on him but she's saying things that aren't sexy. Beth said she has yoga pants on. Howard asked what color her shawl is. Beth let out a moan.

  Howard asked what happened next. Beth told her about being in the mom group and how a woman said she wanted to be her submissive. She said the mom groups very open. She said she had mentioned that she had submissives in this group. Howard said no one called the police? She said no.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said he's still tied up in the basement. Howard said he's a submissive so they can't let him go. Howard let him go a short time later.

  Howard asked how old Beth's kids are. She said they're 23 and 20. She said most of the other women are younger. Howard said he's going to make a suggestion about this. He said if your kids are 23 then you don't belong in a mom group. Beth said Howard is being rude so he doesn't deserve her story. Howard said lets start again. He asked her about the same thing again. Beth said that she had long red hair. Howard asked if that's it for the story. Beth said that they're going back to the gay stories and no more of this stuff. Howard asked if he's grounded. Beth said he's punished. She said Robin shouldn't encourage this. Howard said he's sorry mistress. She said he deserves to be spanked for this. She said he doesn't want to listen. Howard said he'll listen. Beth said that's better.

  Howard said he loves Beth. He said he just came from her story. She said she's done and he can't even say goodbye to her. Howard said she just hung up. He said nothing turns him on like the sound of her voice. He said it's like he's fucking his mother. He let Beth go and went to break a short time later.

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• More Email And Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame Talk. 04/11/18. 7:45am
  After the break Howard came right back and said he thinks they had enough sex stories. He said they had a good one yesterday so they should have stopped there. Howard said a lot of people liked Jeff the Drunk yesterday. He read some email about that. He said occasionally people enjoy him on the show.

  Howard said someone wrote him about Sean Hannity being a bad ass so in a boxing match he might beat Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said he didn't think he was a guy like that. Robin said he could have killed Jimmy. Howard said Jimmy has young children to support. Robin said maybe he'd never hit Jimmy and miss. Howard said he took Karate for years and he's not good at it. He said he went with his kids when they were young. He said his girls were black belts. He said his kids were bad ass. They told him that any street fighting kid could beat their ass. Howard said he was taking lessons and he was worrying about someone hitting him. He said that they don't hit you in class but you worry about it happening.

  Howard said Elvis was a black belt and he wasn't able to get a foot off the floor. Robin asked about the MMA fighting. Howard said he did the hide method. He said that's where you just hide when someone is coming after you.

  Howard said someone wrote in about Jon and Gary doing a Wrap Up Show from Cleveland. Howard said he wishes no one would show up. He said he just wants to do his thing and get out of there. He said he likes watching music on YouTube. Howard asked Gary what the story is about the hall of fame thing. Gary said they have a stupid there at the hall of fame and it's not open to the public. He said they have a few people coming in to talk to them. Howard said don't bother him. Gary said it's on Friday so Howard won't be in town. Howard said he won't be stopping by then. Howard said if they were there and he was there he might.

  Howard said Robin and Gary will be at the show on Saturday night. Robin said she wants to go to support Howard. Howard said please. He said she doesn't have to do that. He thanked her though. Howard said he can give her his speech and she can do it for him.

  Howard said he likes David Bryan. He said he's going to be on the Wrap Up Show with Gary and Jon. Howard said he was always fascinated with his talent and stage presence. He said he always loves watching David playing. He said he does some doubled background vocals. He said he loves watching a guy who can do that.

  Howard said he thinks that Richie Sambora is a great guitar player and he doesn't get enough credit. He said he's also a great song writer. He said Jon and Richie have written some great songs together. He said that he's a great guitar player too. He said he was talking to Pat Monahan and he ran into Richie. He said he was telling him what a great technical player her is. He said when a musician verifies it for him he likes that.

  Howard asked Robin what she's going to do in Cleveland. Robin said she's going to go view the hall of fame. Howard said they wanted to give him a tour but he's not going to do that. He said he's going to his room to be miserable. He said he'll be making his wife miserable to. He said poor Beth is so excited about going. He said he just ruins it. He said she asked if they can just have fun. Howard said sure honey. He said that he wanted to go home after his speech. He said Beth wanted to sit there and enjoy the show and maybe go to an after party. Howard said he's too tired and cranky to go to a party. He said he will sit there and watch the show under protest.

  Howard said he thinks Robin is going to go with Beth to an after party. He said that's what she can do for him. Robin said whatever he needs. Howard said she just has to stand there.

  Howard said he has a whole list of events and parties and stuff that he could go to. He said he told this woman he doesn't want a press opportunity. He said he'll walk the red carpet under protest. He said he asked them not to aggravate him. He said they're being very nice about it.

• Syria, UFOs And More. 04/11/18. 8:00am
  Howard said he's going to walk the red carpet while people are dying in Syria from being gassed by their own government. Robin said she's not sure how anyone can order that and get people to go do it. Robin said Assad isn't doing it himself. Robin said she's not sure who the guys are in the planes who are doing this and think it's okay to do. Howard said he doesn't know.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that this Syria and Russia thing is scary. He said if we attack Syria we're going to kill Russians. Howard said that they should just attack Russia with some kind of sanctions or something. He said it's a no win situation. He said we can't do a bombing that doesn't matter. Howard said Obama did that. Howard said he would denounce Putin first of all. He said this guy is fucking with us there and in our own country. Howard said he would say it's enough of this horse shit. He said that we're going to hit them in the pocket book and make them suffer that way. He said then they'd snap to. He said you have to be on top of your game to do that. Howard said by the time he was done the Russians would be eating Jim Bakker food buckets.

  Howard said they could cripple North Korea with sanctions. He said he's just keeping it real. He said they can do the same thing with Russia. He said bombing isn't going to do jack shit. He said we should pull out of Syria right now. He said none of our boys should be dying over there.

  Howard said he thinks that Trump has people who are using him for their own advantage and they're giving him the wrong advice.

  The caller said Robin did a story about a pilot being asked about seeing a UFO. Howard said that it was nothing and there are no UFOs. He said there is no other life out there. Howard said UFOs that would come here wouldn't be hiding from us. He said they're not going to come here and hide. He said they're superior to us. He said they aren't going to play hide and seek from us. He said they're going to land. Robin said in Star Trek... Howard said fuck Star Trek. He said we would land and say hi if we went somewhere else. Robin said we'd just land and make it ours like we did with the moon. Howard said we are alone in the universe. He said leave him alone with that. He let the caller go after that.

  Howard said next week they're going to have Ronnie's fiancee Stephanie in. He said they're going to have a teaser after the break that will make you want to hear this. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.

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• Sal And Richard's Latest Penis Bit. 04/11/18. 8:15am
  After the break they played The Rolling Stones ''Can't You Hear Me Knocking'' as they were coming back.

  Howard came back and sang along with the song a little bit. He played a Sarah Huckabee Sanders album commercial parody. They also played a Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard talked to an author about his book and had him comment on their sponsors as they did live commercial reads.

  Howard came back again and talked about what a good man that author was. He said Richard and Sal pitched a bit where they were going to have their mothers come in and identify their penis. Howard said Richard didn't care about being naked in front of his parents. Gary said they talked about a different bit and he asked if he'd get naked in front of these people and he mentioned his mother in law and he didn't care. He said now Richard is backing off with his mom but Sal is up for it.

  Richard came in and said he doesn't mind her staring at his dick but at strange dicks not so much. He said she'll know that he's uncircumcised. He said maybe Benjy. Howard said the only way they can do it is to have a bunch of dicks in there. Howard had Sal in there too. Sal said it was going to be him with 3 uncircumcised dicks. He said his mom won't know who he is. Howard asked why his mom would know his dick. Richard said his own mom would be guessing. Sal said they'd be side by side guessing. Sal said he created this bit. Howard said they want to pick out their son's dick. He said that's what the bit is.

  Howard said he's not sure they could find a penis that resembles Sal's penis. Sal said his mom hasn't seen his. He said he's not sure he has the balls to call and ask her to do it. Howard said maybe they can have their moms in there and they can identify their vaginas. Gary said they had Jenna Jameson's father on to identify her vagina and he did. He said that they got fined for that. Howard said he doesn't get why they got fined for that. He said they told him why but he didn't know it was offensive to do that. Gary said it was just pictures so he doesn't think it is offensive. Howard said Jenna was naked everywhere so it's fine to do that.

  Howard said this bit would be Richard with his dick out for his own mom. Sal said then his mom would come in with 4 guys and him. Gary said Sal's mom had a nickname for his penis. Sal said it was ''Little Pishalino.'' Howard asked why Richard's mom would know his penis. Sal said it might be fun to do that. Howard said that's not fun for her. Sal said good point.

  Howard said that Richard's parents haven't met the baby yet. Richard said that's right. It's been 5 months. He said it was flu season so they didn't want a lot of people around him. Howard said that he's worried about germs all of a sudden. Sal said Richard shits there at work so he can keep his house clean. Howard said he goes to Wing Bowl though. He said there are a ton of germs there. Sal said Richard sat in his own piss for a whole plane flight.

  Gary said that Howard was fined $10,000 for that Jenna Jameson bit but they got it reduced to $6,000.

  Howard said he heard that Sal's dad was almost shot at his own wedding. Sal said that his dad had knocked up another woman at the same time. He said he told that woman he was going to marry her. He said that his sister did a DNA test last week and he found out he has a shitload of siblings. He said it just got worse. Sal said his dad is getting married and this ladies brother pulled up with a shotgun. He said he was going to kill his dad. He said his uncle and his grandfather tackled him in the parking lot and stopped it. Robin asked why his mom would go through with the wedding. Sal said he's not sure. He said that guy ended up killing himself after he found out his dad was his dad.

  Robin asked how many siblings Sal found. Sal said he can't even get into it. He said it's maybe 3 or 4. He said 2 are siblings. He said he had 2 with someone else and they're brothers. He said they just fond out that their dad is his dad.

  Howard asked Richard if he's going to do this bit or not. Richard said he doesn't want his mom looking at weird dicks. Sal said he is a weird dick. Howard said she's coming into town. Richard said that he would show his penis to her but not the other guy's penises. Howard said he would be weirded out with his dick out and his mom there. Richard said he doesn't care about that. Howard said they're both weird. He said Sal and Richard can work it out if they want to. Richard said maybe they can have Sal's mom try it out first.

  Richard said he wants to do the shit streak thing where they have a shitty ass and drag their ass along a carpet to see who has the longest streak. Sal said that's all Richard but he'll do it. He said Richard wants them to pack their ass with shit and drag it.

  Howard said they have a lot of strange pitches. Richard had one where you piss on each other in a duel. Howard said he likes that. He said that they may not be able to do that in there. He said they have a rule about bodily fluids. He said they'd have to do it off campus. He said they can do it anywhere that's not in their studio.

  Howard said they had some other pitches like strongest piss stream. Sal said they could aim for a target doing that. Richard said he's trying to drink a lot of water now so he has a strong piss now.

  Howard said he has Sal's illegitimate brother on the phone. He took the call from one of the guys in the back who did an Italian accent talking about Sal. He sounded like Sal's dad a little bit. Howard questioned him for a few minutes about the things he's done in his life. The brother did similar things that Sal did in his younger years.

  Howard said they're pitching that mom coming in to look at their penises and also a shit dragging thing. Howard said Sal's brother is going to call back in and talk about levitating out of his bed. Sal said that was as real as it comes. Howard wondered if his brother watched his aunt shitting. Sal said they can move along now.

  Howard said these bits are crazy. He read more about the pissing bit and said he likes all of these. He said they're really talented. Howard said Richard also wants to hide behind their curtain in a gimp mask. Richard said they have a secret wall there in the studio. He said he saw them open it up one day. He said they have a storage area and he wanted to do it when Geraldo was there. He wanted to be naked in the room with a gimp mask on and a sign that says ''Help me!'' Howard said that's the same wall Benjy was living behind. He said that he can't get it together to get a home. He said he would come in and Benjy would be sleeping behind the wall. He said he threw him right out.

  Gary said that was a panel behind where he sat. He said that he would sleep in there. Howard said he used to think Benjy was a put on but he's not. He said he saw the wall moving one day and he saw Benjy in the wall. Robin said she thought he had grown past this. Robin said he used to do that stuff at K-Rock. Howard said Benjy came out saying he was sorry. Robin said she went into the kitchen one day and Benjy was practically bathing in there.

  Sal asked if Benjy is still in the dorm. Robin said he's not. Howard said he saw that Benjy is looking for a place to live. He said he doesn't give a fuck and he's not going to ask about it. Howard played an ''Unsolved Mysteries'' bit about Benjy and his living conditions.

• What's Ronnie Willing To Shove Up His Ass? 04/11/18. 8:40am
  Howard said they thought it would be fun to have Ronnie's fiancee in there. He said the guys got Ronnie in a room and asked him what he'd be willing to do for the show. He said they asked him about what kind of devices he'd put up his ass. Howard said Ronnie takes home sex toys to test. He said that they had these conversations with Ronnie and they're pretty good.

  Howard said in this clip Ronnie talks about taking a vibrating egg up his ass. Howard played the clip and Sal and Richard were asking Ronnie if he would do it. Ronnie said no way. Howard said he thought it would be funny for him to do that. He said they went to the legal department to ask if they could do it. He said if Ronnie did it at home and shoved it in there he could come in. Howard said the legal department is looking into it to see if they can do it on the air or not. Howard said there is no law there.

  Gary said the lawyers requested a picture of the egg. He said they're working on that. Richard said he and Sal might be into that if Ronnie isn't. Sal said he never said he was into it. Richard just lumped him into it.

  Gary said Ronnie is coming in and he's pissed. Ronnie said Sal can't do an appearance at a strip club with him but he can shove an egg up his ass? Sal said he never said he was going to do that. He said he's not doing the strip club thing because he has kids in college. Ronnie said that he turned down some appearances with him.

  Howard said Ronnie should do the egg in his ass. Ronnie said he's not going to do it. Howard said it's not a big deal. Ronnie was going off on Sal. Howard said he just wants to say something. He said the egg is going to go right in his ass because it's small. He said it's something he'll work gently. He said he'll be in there and tell him what he feels. Robin said he can pull it right out because it has a string on it. Howard said it would be great if they put it in there and it hatched.

  Howard asked Sal if he'll do it. Sal said he's not going to shove anything up his ass. Howard asked if he'll do it or not. Sal asked why he has to do this. He said he'll do it for Howard. Howard said maybe they can work each other's eggs.

  Howard said Sal and Richard asked Ronnie what else he'd be willing to shove up his ass. He played a clip of Ronnie turning down a big cock that shoots fake jizz. Ronnie said he's not ripping his ass open for the show. Sal said this thing shoots fake cum in his ass. Ronnie said maybe a small one. Sal said this is a real thing. He said it's fake cum. Howard said that might be nice for him to feel the cum in his ass. Ronnie said that will be a legal thing too. Howard said he can do it at home with Stephanie.

  Howard said Ronnie is worried about the size. Sal said he can get him a small one. Howard said it'll feel just like a guy and Ronnie will love it.

  Howard played another clip where Sal asked Ronnie if he would do a double dong where he has one end in his ass and Stephanie has the other end in her vagina. Ronnie said he has to talk to her about it. Sal also asked him about taking a mould of his own cock and shove it up his ass. Ronnie said he's not going to do that. He said he's not moulding his own cock.

  Howard said he can't stop thinking about the fake cum dildo. He said he can picture it dripping out of his asshole. He said his ass pussy is receiving juices. Howard said he's looking forward to some of this. Robin asked ''Really?'' Howard said not really.

  Ronnie said he brought home another toy that they can't really use. He said that it was something that someone sent in. He said it's a harness like a horse would put on. He said it has two ropes on it and a bar across. He said they have one there. He said you ride like a bull. He said he has to talk to her about that one. Howard said that poor girl. He said she's going to be in a rodeo and not even know it. Howard said Beth wouldn't do any of this. Sal said his wife would call the cops if he borough that home.

  Howard asked if Sal is jealous of Ronnie. Sal said no. He said he admires him though. He said he has such a libido at his age. Robin said his sex drive is increasing.

  Howard asked Sal when he last had sex. Sal said he had it on Sunday. Howard said Ronnie has had it 17 times since then.

  Howard said they taped Ronnie when he went to the NASCAR event. He said Ronnie really fights a lot. Ronnie said he came home yesterday around 5 and he walked in and he hears her talking to this person. He said that she was saying that she'd like it more if he was more affectionate in the bedroom. He said she was talking to Jason doing a pre-interview. Howard said there's a lot of anger in this relationship. He said he heard this tape. Ronnie said they goof around a lot.

  Howard said Shuli saw the bickering going on and it was constant. He said this isn't fake. Howard had some audio of Ronnie and Stephanie arguing about holding hands. Stephanie said that he's like a limp fish with his hand. Howard asked what's up with that hand holding. Ronnie said he's not like that. He said get him in bed and he's fine. He said out in public he was never like that. Howard said the hand holding thing is nice. Ronnie said he does it once in a while.

  Ronnie said a lot of times it's just pinkies. He said when he was 17 with girlfriends he wasn't even like that.

  Howard said that no date has been set for the wedding. He said Ronnie cut her off when she was answering Shuli about the wedding. Howard played a clip of Stephanie trying to answer Shuli and Ronnie was cutting her off. Ronnie said she's going to hold off until they throw dirt on his box.

  Howard said he thinks he's becoming a big shot. He said when he met him he didn't have this fame. He said that he's saying this as a friend. Ronnie said he's totally wrong right now. Howard said he should be grateful that she's into him. He said she's treating her like a big shot. Ronnie said things are good and they get along as it is. Shuli said he was with them for 4 days. He said he thinks he has a leg to stand on with how he treats her. He said he thinks she would enjoy that hand holding thing. Ronnie said that she's busy with school and they don't do that stuff. He said her schedule was busy. He said she graduated college recently with some kind of degree. He said it's a second degree she has. Robin said he has no idea what it is. Ronnie said she wants to be a vet tech. He said she's taking her state boards on Friday. He said she's been very busy so they put the plans off.

  Robin said that he spoke for her in that clip. Howard said that's what he's talking about. Shuli said it's Sharia Law. Ronnie said she'll be there on Tuesday and he can talk to her about it then. He said she's been so busy with school and work. He said she's working 3 nights a week and she's not home until 11.

  Howard said Stephanie talked about pegging Ronnie too. Howard played a clip and Stephanie said that she's willing to do the pegging. She said that she has her own dildo at home. Ronnie said she paid for it with his credit card. Stephanie said it was not. She said she paid for it herself. Howard asked why it's 300 bucks. Ronnie said he has no idea. He said it's supposed to be the Rolls Royce of vibrators. He said it has a claw on it that rubs the clit. Howard said maybe it works with Alexa. He said maybe it makes coffee.

  Howard said after the NASCAR stuff they went to a strip club. They cleared out a room just for Ronnie, Stephanie, Scott and Shuli. Shuli said that this is Ronnie's world. He said he loves NASCAR and strip clubs. He said Ronnie's buddies would come over and he ditched them. Ronnie said he was busy filling his face with food. Shuli said he was looking for Ronnie.

  Howard played some audio of Ronnie screaming on a microphone at the strip club. Howard asked who would do that. He kept saying ''Lets get this shit started!'' Howard said this must kill people's boners. Howard said he heard that the owner was freaked out by him. Ronnie said that guy wasn't even there. He said he wasn't hired for this. He said he was just doing his thing. Howard said he's gotten so carried away with himself. He said he doesn't need to do this stuff. Ronnie said that was just him with a few drinks in him. Robin asked how many times he can say ''Lets get this shit started'' in a night. Ronnie said they were excited to have him there. Shuli said there were only a few people there who knew who he was. Ronnie said there were tons of fans there. He said he gets it that they're jealous of him.

  Shuli said the strippers were freaking out. Ronnie said that Shuli has an issue. Shuli said he does but that's not one of them. Howard had Fred doing his impression of Ronnie saying ''Lets get this shit started!''

  Shuli said that Ronnie was cupping his hand around the microphone and screaming. He said you usually back off the microphone. Howard said imagine some guy gets out of the house for the first time this year to see naked chicks and Ronnie is there doing this.

  Shuli said the odd thing was Ronnie bringing Stephanie there. Howard said Stephanie got pissed that the girls had to keep their tops on and she wasn't able to see tits. Howard played a clip and Ronnie was picking out the girls that he thought she would like. Howard played the audio and Ronnie was demanding that she pick one of the girls and Stephanie wasn't even sure which one it was. Ronnie claims that he knows what she likes and she likes who he picks.

  Howard said it has to be exhausting to do the impression of Ronnie. Fred said Ronnie is a ''Twat Sommelier.'' Howard laughed at that. He said that's a good one. He said they should make him a ''Snatch Sommelier.''

  Howard said at one point Ronnie was yelling for a guy named Ben and Shuli wasn't sure if he even knew him. Shuli said that he's a friend of his. Howard said he's not sure the guy wanted his name yelled out. Ronnie said he was fine. He said he was just having a good time.

  Howard said the next tape shows that he's getting carried away with his Ronnie persona. Howard said he gets out of the club and he spots one of his buddies on the street and he starts yelling like a tough guy. Howard played that clip and Ronnie was yelling ''fuck you'' at the guy. Ronnie said he knew he was going to Candyland. Howard said Shuli said there were 10 other guys standing there and they didn't know who he was. Howard said Ronnie says it's just a joke but he's screaming out to guys on the street.

  Howard said he was out of control. Ronnie said at that point he was. Robin said if that's how he greets everyone he knows then please don't run into her on the street. Ronnie said he wouldn't put her through that. Howard and Fred did their impressions of him yelling at Robin.

  Howard said that he's getting carried away with himself. Ronnie said everyone had a great time. He said they all called and said they had a great time. Howard said he drove by some 9 year olds and said this. He had Fred do his Ronnie voice yelling inappropriate stuff at them.

  Howard said that Ronnie does this thing at the holiday party every year. He said everyone gets annoyed when he does this. He said no one thinks it's great. Howard asked if anyone wants to talk about Ronnie getting nuts at the party. He asked who he is to decide to do that. Ronnie said he wasn't the one. He said he's not saying who decided to have him take control. Howard said taking control doesn't mean yelling. Ronnie said if you want him that's what you get.

  Shuli said that when Ronnie yelled it was like they were doing a drive by. Ronnie said too bad. He said it was okay when he was high as a kite in Seattle in the car and Shuli was yelling out the window. Shuli asked what that has to do with the other thing. Ronnie said he was screaming out the window at people. Shuli said whatever he wants to make up. Shuli said that he's making shit up. Shuli said he had to take the friend's name out because he was embarrassed about it. Ronnie said he did. Shuli said Ronnie fights like a bitch. Ronnie said when he fights back he can't take it. He said Shuli is a fucking asshole. Shuli said he brings him on the road and he comes to him asking to appear with him. Ronnie said everyone knows who he is. He said go back in the office because they all know what he's about.

  Howard asked what they know about him. Ronnie said they all know what's up with him. Ronnie said they know his address. Shuli asked what that even means. Ronnie said they don't come to see Shuli at the block party. He said they come to see him and JD. Ronnie sand Shuli were yelling at each other and arguing. Gary said no one knows what he means about all of them knowing what Shuli's address is. Ronnie told him not to worry about it.

  Howard said Shuli did a lot of the heavy lifting on the block party tour. Ronnie said oh yeah. Shuli said he's psychotic. Howard said this is what he's afraid of. He said he's gotten a lot of attention and fame and he's worried. Ronnie said he's going off the rails.

  Howard said that they were on their way home and they wanted to stop for food. He said they had some problems with the GPS and it turned into a whole thing. Howard played the clip and Stephanie was asking for pizza and Ronnie said he just wanted to get the fuck home. The fighting kept going and going. Ronnie was telling her to shut up and she was calling him a dick. They kept arguing while they were trying to figure out where to go.

  Fred and Shuli did their impressions of the arguing going on between Ronnie and Stephanie. Howard said then Stephanie got pissed at Ronnie for ignoring her GPS directions. Howard said she threatened to kill Ronnie. Howard played the clip and Stephanie told him to be careful because she has the means to kill him. Howard said this is crazy what's going on. Ronnie said they're just having fun. Howard asked if this is fun. Ronnie said it is.

  Howard said a lot changes when you let your girl fuck you in the ass with a dildo. Shuli was doing his impression of Stephanie.

  Howard said he is concerned for Ronnie. He said he has picked up this thing where he thinks he's a big shot. He said Shuli is observing that he's changing. Ronnie said he's not changing. He said they've hung out before and this is how he acts. Howard said he's gotten a little carried away. Howard said Shuli has picked up on something. He said Stephanie is so good to him he should be nicer to her. Ronnie said she never fucked him in the ass. He said she didn't fuck him. He said that it's not the same thing. He said it wasn't a strap on thing. Howard said she still put in his ass. Ronnie said that's not the same thing.

  Howard said he has to say that he's excited for Stephanie coming in. He said they might learn some new things. Shuli asked if one of the location for the wedding was a zoo. Ronnie said it was. He said it was the Bronx zoo. He said they do a lot of weddings there. Howard said that would be kind of cool. He asked why they're not doing it. Ronnie said it wasn't what she thought it was going to be. He said she thought they would be able to do things in more areas than they were going to get. He said he's seen pictures and videos of weddings there.

  Howard asked if Shuli caught any loving moments for them. Shuli said that he knows he's crazy in love with her. He said they had a driver who was a nice guy. He said at one point Stephanie made a point taking her ring off and that bugged Ronnie a lot. He said it showed he was jealous. Shuli said that Ronnie said it really bothered him. Ronnie said it did. He said it's not cool she took the ring off. He said that bugged him. He said she did it in a way that made her available. Howard said this is while Ronnie is grinding on strippers. Ronnie said it was at the race track. Howard said many a truth is made in jest. Ronnie said they should have broken up 11 years ago then.

  Shuli said that he knows they banged on the trip. He said the woman in the next room gave them a dirty look the next morning. Fred was talking about what he was doing to her as Ronnie.

  Shuli said they had cameras in their house and they were checking in on them all the time. He said if they're that worried then why go on vacation. Ronnie said they have an old dog and a cat that needs to be checked in on.

  Howard asked if he has any nicknames for Stephanie. Ronnie said they do. He said he should wait until Tuesday. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie before moving on. Howard said that was a nice song about Ronnie to the tune of the Grateful Dead.

  Shuli said that Ronnie drives around listening to the Pop Rocks station. He said he listens because that's what Stephanie likes. Ronnie said he listens to the 70s and 80s channel too.

  Howard said Ronnie calls Richard's wife ''dick face.'' Howard said he thinks he's full of himself. Robin said that he takes this position of privilege. Ronnie said he's been calling her that forever.

  Howard said he knows his face was on the side of a building in Atlantic City but come on. Ronnie said it has nothing to do with that.

  Shuli said that Stephanie was in charge of Ronnie's Twitter account while they were on vacation. Ronnie said he asked her to use her phone because it takes great pictures. He said he wanted it to look good.

  Howard asked if he calls the staffers ''Dick ass'' in the halls. Ronnie said they goof around. Howard said he calls Chris Wilding dick ass and he's a gay man. Ronnie said he walks by him shaking his ass so give him a break. He said he wiggles his ass saying he knows he likes his ass. Howard said he then calls him a dick ass.

  Howard said Ronnie is so involved with everything. He said he has to calm down. Ronnie said he likes people.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's listening to Ronnie scream and the speaker blew in his car. He said that's okay but he's surprised that he hasn't gotten his ass kicked yet. Howard said that's shocking to him too. He said these people don't know who he is. He said that they're going to bop him in the head. Ronnie said he's made it this far without being bopped in the head.

  The caller asked if they've thought of doing the GPS voice thing with him. Howard said that would be pretty good.

  Gary had Chris Wilding go in because he had some stories about Ronnie. Ronnie said look at him. Howard asked what he's looking at. Ronnie said just look at him wanting to get in there. Howard said he's asked Ronnie to just stand in the hall and not say anything. Chris said he likes to comment on his food and he mimes jerking off into the food. He said he says everything goes better with a little jizz. Ronnie said he's never said that.

  Howard said he heard that everyone is annoyed that Ronnie says he knows everything about the person he's fighting with. Howard asked if he actually knows anything. Ronnie said he's sorry people feel that way. He said maybe he has something on them. Gary said that people get upset that he says he knows something and you fill in the blanks with what you think it is and it's the worst.

  Chris and Ronnie were going back and forth about each other. Howard said the sexual tension is very high in there.

  Howard said next week Stephanie is going to be his special guest. Robin said she doesn't want Ronnie speaking for her. Ronnie said he'll sit there and keep his mouth shut. Robin said he didn't keep quiet while Shuli was asking her questions. Ronnie said he'll be quiet for Howard. He said she won't even tell him what she talked to Jason about. Fred was doing his Ronnie impression and going off about punching Stephanie. Ronnie said he has never touched her like that. He said he has thought about it but he never would.

  Shuli said that next time Ronnie brings him up saying he has something on him he's going to come up with some dirt he has on him. Ronnie said he has nothing on him.

  Howard asked Chris if he thinks he could get Ronnie to cum if he blew him. Chris said he could. He said he's very good. Ronnie said he doesn't want to know. Chris said he was with a guy last week and he was going at it and twisting the cock like a salt and pepper shaker. He said he had a really bad pain in his neck because the guy lasted 90 minutes and didn't cum. Ronnie said he must be really good if he lasted 90 minutes. He said he's never heard of such a thing in his life. Howard said Chris has a bunch of hickies on his neck. Chris said he's on a tear lately. He said he has to come up with excuses for the marks on his neck. He said he's on Tinder finding guys. Ronnie said he's going to end up dead one day. Chris said that he's very good at vetting these guys.

  Chris said he's only fucked one guy in the ass since he became single. He said he sometimes has a hard time staying hard trying to get into that hole. He said it's a bit to do to get in there sometimes. Howard said Ronnie took it right into his asshole. Ronnie said it wasn't that easy dude.

  Howard said he was trying to do a quick promotional thing for Stephanie coming in. He said it's great to meet the other person's better half sometimes. Shuli said that she's a sweetheart. He said she puts up with a lot. Ronnie said oh yeah, she puts up.

  Howard said Ronnie has to be hard to be with. Ronnie said come spend a day at his house. Howard said that's okay.

  Shuli said that people thin that's his granddaughter. Ronnie said they think it's his daughter. He said he gets that a lot. He said he actually doesn't get it that much anymore. Ronnie said it depends on where you hang out. He said in the city no one says anything. He said on Long Island and Queens they say shit. Robin asked who says something to them. Ronnie said waiters and waitresses say something. He said they shouldn't say shit. Howard said he took one of his daughters on vacation and someone asked if it was a romantic night for them. Howard said his daughter almost threw up.

  Howard said just wait 10 years from now Ronnie will be in his wheelchair and they'll be asking if her dad shit his pants. Ronnie asked how he knows he'll be in a wheelchair. Howard said he doesn't. Chris said if he keeps asking that stuff up his ass he will be.

  Howard asked if Ronnie thinks he'll be married some day. Ronnie said he'll have to ask Stephanie. Shuli said that Ronnie is the one who is going to make that call. Ronnie said she's all about women's liberation. He said she'll take care of it.

  Howard asked Chris if he would ever kiss Ronnie. Chris said he would on the air. He said that he doesn't want to be with a 68 year old dude. Ronnie said he might have the best experience ever with a 68 year old guy. He said not him but maybe a guy like that. Howard asked who the oldest guy is he's been with. Chris said 35. Ronnie said something is wrong with him if he can't get a guy off after 90 minutes. Chris said he put on quite a show.

  Gary said the rumor mill says that Chris is very attracted to Howard. Howard said he's never heard that. Chris said he had a sex dream about him about 6 years ago. He said they were on a beach drinking Coronas. Howard said he doesn't drink Corona. Chris said he remembers Howard beat off on his face and it was very salty. He said he woke up and had a very salty taste in his mouth. Chris said he thinks Howard is a very good looking man. Howard said he's never thought of himself like that but thank you. Ronnie said he's going to be looking at his ass now. Howard told him to calm down. Howard said he thanks Chris for that. He said he's taking that as a compliment.

  Chris said he heard Shuli has a nice cock. Shuli said that's a rumor that has been going around for years. He said Joey Boots grabbed his crotch years ago before he was on the show and said he had a nice one. He said that's where that rumor came from.

  Howard said this was all about having Stephanie in next week. Shuli asked if he can come up with some questions for him. Howard said he would like that. He said he's sure he has more than he does. He said Shuli can come by.

  Howard said what they learned today is that he needs new security. Howard asked if he wants to talk to King of All Blacks. Ronnie said he doesn't care. Howard took the call and King said that Ronnie doesn't like him but there is something about him being a man's man. He said he will admit that. He said Ronnie is very angry though. Ronnie said he isn't angry. Howard said he has anger. He said it's displaced anger. Ronnie said he knows where it comes from and he's gone to therapy. King said he's pissed off. Howard said he has things that they don't have to talk about.

  King said that he thinks he's angry because this all came too late in life. He said that he's angry because of that. Ronnie said that he was having fun when he was younger. Howard said it's not like it is now. Ronnie said he was always doing it.

  Howard wrapped up with the guys and thanked them for coming in. He did a live commercial read with Ronnie and then went to break.

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• Robin's News. 04/11/18. 10:05am
  After the break Howard came right back and said he wants to mention a show birthday. He said tomorrow is Medicated Pete's birthday. He said he believes that's the case. Howard said he thinks everyone went home. He said that Pete is turning 43. He was having a fake conversation with himself as Robin. Fred played some audio of Robin to have the conversation.

  Robin came in and asked who he was talking to. Howard said he was having a conversation with her. He told her about Pete's birthday. Howard asked if that's actually his birthday. Gary said he is right.

  Howard said he hasn't done the top 5 in a while. He said Ed Sheeran has a song in the top 5. He said he's something else. He played some of his song and did the rest of the top 5. He had a Post Malone, Bruno Mars, Bebe Rexha and Drake in the rest of the top 5.

  Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his George Takei impression talking about how good looking Howard is. Howard thanked him for the call. He let him go a short time later.

  Howard said that Brent says that Tech 9 is the best rapper out there. Howard said he's not sure who that is. He said Brent seems to know something though. Howard asked Fred to find some Tech 9. Robin said she doesn't see him in the top 5. Howard said he can't keep up. Fred found something to play from Tech 9. Howard asked him to find another song. Fred found it and played a few seconds before Howard gave up and said they should just do the news and get out of there.

  Howard asked Robin to get to some news. They played her into it with a song parody. Robin started her news with a story about how TJ Miller made a bomb threat on a train and now he's facing a federal charge. Robin said he was arrested at Laguardia on Monday. Robin said he called and gave a detailed description of a woman on a train and said she kept checking it and wanted to leave it on the train. Robin said he was very funny on Silicon Valley. Howard said he's never seen that. He said you wonder why anyone would do that. He said they say he was probably drinking heavily on the train and he started flirting and the girl gave him dirty looks so he got offended and called 911 on her. Robin said this was a real 911 call and the cops came in. Howard said all hell broke loose and they put it together that he made the call. Howard said he doesn't care how drunk you are. He said you don't do that. Howard said they have to throw the book at this guy. Robin said you have to slap these people around. He said that these guys get a lawyer and they get off. He said they feel bad for the guy and let him off. Howard said you can't screw around with 911. He said you have to use common sense. Robin said she read about a woman who lost her money at a casino and she called 911 to get help getting home. Howard said they say that the bomb threat called 926 man hours of delays. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.

  After the break Howard came right back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about Bill Cosby being back on trial. Robin said that he was going over the details about how he used to act. Robin said she gets creeped out all over again when she reads this. Robin said that they are bringing in some of the other women to show he has a method or an M.O. Robin said this woman says that she was about 24 back in the 1980s and Bill invited her to his home in Reno where she was supposed to be coached in acting. Robin this woman said the script was for a character that was drunk and Bill gave her a glass of wine. Robin said he had her sip on it to bring the character to life. Howard said when any dude says they want to give you an acting lesson, have them do it in a place full of people. He said guys are really creeps. He said he's taught his daughters this. Robin said the next thing this woman knew she was on a bed and he was naked. Howard said that might be the worst part of the story. Robin said she claims that he forced himself into her mouth. Howard said he refers to himself as Mr. C and says he's going to cum on her face or something creepy like that.

  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's glad he's on radio. Howard thanked him for the call.

  Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she wants him to enjoy his weekend. She said she saw Beth posted about her dress and how she's ready to go. She said she wants to hear that he had the best experience in his life. Mariann was still talking but Fred played her off with loud music. She was plugging stuff but it was blocked out by the music. Mariann just kept going and going. Howard asked if she said she was buying a new car. Robin said she did. Howard asked if he should get the new details. Robin said no. Howard hung up on her.

  Howard said he's going to try to have ea good time in Cleveland. He said he can't explain why he's the way he is. He said he was thinking about what he's going to do when he gets there. He wonders when he's going to shower and what kind of gel he's going to put in his hair and things like that. He said he's like a 12 year old girl stressing about this stuff. He said he's stressing about everything. Howard said he wants to eat dinner and all of that and he's already a mess thinking about it. Robin said it used to be a dinner but now it's not a dinner. Howard said he's just going to do his thing and get out of there. He said he's doing this for Jon. He said he's not sure if the rest of the guys even want him there. Robin asked why he's worried about that. Howard said he worries about everything.

  Howard had Sour Mariann on the phone. He picked up and Sour Shoes did his Mariann impression where she was rambling on and on about the trip.

  Robin read a story about a St. Louis commentator losing his job after threatening David Hogg. Robin said she's not sure why people are so angry at this kid. Howard said he's just a kid. He said he was at school one day and someone open fire on the school. He asked how you can be against this kid. Robins said all of these old people want to do stuff to this kid. Howard said Frank Stallone wanted to do something to the kid too. He had to apologize. Robin said this guy wrote on Twitter. Robin said old people have to stay off Twitter. Robin said he was preparing to use a hot poker to assault this kid. Howard said how dare someone threaten this kid over this. He said the whole world has gone insane. Robin said the guy's name is Jamie Allman. Robin said she's not sure why people are reacting to this kid. She said even Ted Nugent said things about the kid being soulless. Robin said he's a young man who is in high school. Howard said everyone has to mellow out on that kid. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

  They played a Mariann from Brooklyn song parody before Robin got back to her news. Robin said they are going to do a Charlie Rose story and CBS is trying to stop their employees from talking by making them sign an NDA. Robin read about Charlie resigning after some accusations that came out about him. Robin said that the CBS brass want to lock everyone down so they don't talk. Howard wondered what Charlie is doing now that he's out of work. He said he was busy working before. Robin said she doesn't know what he's doing now. Robin said Cindy Adams was upset that Matt Lauer go seated before she was at a restaurant. Howard said he doesn't care who comes in before her. He said she's out of her mind. Howard asked how old she is. Robin said they don't count that high. Gary said she's 88 years old. Howard said he admires her spunk. Howard wondered if she still self lubricates. Howard said he heard there's a community of convicted child molesters in Florida. He said imagine you move in here and have no idea. He said you get a mansion for $100 on the water. He said he thinks Vice did a documentary about that. He said they call it Miracle Village or something. Gary said that's true. He said it's in Palm Beach County. Howard asked what happens there. Gary said they all live together. Gary said it's all trailer parks and not mansions. Gary said it's a 40 minute drive to the closest supermarket. JD said he's heard of a place called Pervert Park. Howard said he thinks he's been there.

  Robin read a story about a megachurch in Illinois who had to ask the pastor to leave. Robin said he had to step down 6 months early. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about why he had to step down. He had been accused of inappropriate behavior with women in his congregation for decades. Robin said he denies any wrong doing. Howard said he should go to Pervert Park.

  Robin read a story about a new type of parenting. Robin said it's the opposite of the helicopter parent. Robin said it's called free range parenting. Robin said this is to let the kids do things alone like exploring a playground or ride a bike to school. Howard said he was a free range kid. Robin said they all were. Howard said Fred was too and that's why his leg tastes so good when he bites him. Robin said this started 10 years ago when a woman let her 9 year old son ride the New York City Subway alone. Howard said he's a helicopter parent. He said he felt like something was going to go wrong with his kids. He said even some of his friends said he hangs too much. He said he knew one free range kid and he went to Pervert Park by himself.

  Robin read a story about the LDS church and how they're not a fan of legalized medical marijuana. Robin read about how they're opposing this and had some audio of someone from the church talking about it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

  Robin read a story about a sheriff telling his officers that killing suspects is better than wounding them because it costs less money. Robin said they had video if him telling them this. Robin had some audio of the guy explaining why that is.

  Robin read a story about Mark Zuckerberg being in front of the senate giving testimony about what Facebook had been doing. Robin had some audio of Mark getting into it with Ted Cruz. Howard said Facebook stock went up by 5 percent yesterday. Robin said they do think that it went very well yesterday. Robin had some audio of some other senators questioning Mark about some things.

  Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mad Dog Russo impression and talking about Facebook. Howard said this drives Mad Dog crazy. Sour Mad Dog was going on and on about various things. He eventually went off on Tom Brady saying he hates him. Howard took a call from fake Mark Zuckerberg too. That didn't last long.

  Robin read a story about President Trump calling the latest investigation a witch hunt and wondering why this is still going on. Robin said he's thinking of firing the Attorney General who is in charge of this. Robin said he's also calling for stricter requirements for welfare recipients. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

  Robin read a story about the president moving to stop the funding of terrorism. Robin had audio of Trump talking about that.

  Robin read a story about Bank of America no longer lending money to companies that make military style firearms.

  Robin read a story about body parts that are showing up at a Brooklyn park. Robin said that they found a woman's torso lying on a trail. Robin said a runner found it while jogging. Robin said they found the limbless torso just laying there. Robin said now they've found a leg and body parts in another park. Robin said they're still trying to figure out if the woman was a victim of foul play. Robin said she would think she was.

  Howard took a call from Little Mikey who has been sending in a lot of great songs. Mikey asked if Robin needs a date to the hall of fame. Robin said if he can get to Cleveland. Mikey said that's not a no. Robin said he's no Bon Jovi. Howard said he's not sure if there's romance there or not. Howard let Mikey go after that. He said he likes his talent. Robin said she's not a big fan.

  Howard asked how you can turn down a guy who sang this. He played one of Mikey's songs about his boner for Robin. Robin asked what's wrong with her.

  Robin read a story about how the tax cut off is April 17th and people are being told to get them out before the deadline. Robin said that you have to make sure you send it off before the deadline if you drop it in a blue box.

  Robin read a story about the Stanley Cup playoffs beginning. Robin said there are 3 games tonight. She said she's sure Howard will be watching.

  Robin said there's an FBI probe into college basketball and they say that some kids may have been bribed by Adidas to play for certain teams. Robin said that it's going to drive people away if they're not being fair. Howard said there's a lot of money in it because they try to get the superstars before they make it big. He said the money they make from one superstar is huge. He said he knows a 12 year old who only buys the sneaker of his favorite player. Robin said that they could ruin college basketball in the process.

  Robin read a story about a man who robbed a bank to impress Taylor Swift. Howard said that should work. Robin said he robbed the bank and then threw money over her fence. Howard said he told her she was good looking. He said people are robbing banks for her now.

  Robin said singer Janelle Monae was wearing vagina pants in her new video. Robin had some audio of the song. Robin said that there's a lot going on in the video. Gary said there's nothing sexy about the video at all.

  Robin read a story about Young M.A. making her directorial debut in the porn industry. Robin read about that and Howard asked what made her choose that story. Robin said it's a rapper directing porn. Howard asked if her music is in it. Robin said it is. Robin thought she had some audio of her speaking but Howard didn't have the clip. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.

• Thursday Replay Show. 04/12/18. 7:00am
  Here's what they played on today's replay show:
  • JD's Favorite Things. 04/12/18. 7:00am
  • Jeffrey Dean Morgan. 04/12/18. 7:25am
  • JD Harmeyer Update. 04/12/18. 8:25am
  • Sexy Caller Story. 04/12/18. 9:30am
  • Bobo, Sour & More. 04/12/18. 10:40am

  Today's show was over around 11:00am.

• Friday Replay Show. 04/13/18. 7:00am
  Here's what they played on today's replay show:
  • Howard's Weekend & Mom. 04/13/18. 7:00am
  • Amy Schumer. 04/13/18. 7:30am
  • Bakker Clips & Sexy Mom. 04/13/18. 8:25am
  • Richard & Sal Bit Pitches. 04/13/18. 9:10am
  • Ronnie In Daytona. 04/13/18. 9:50am

  Today's show was over around 11:00am.