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Howard was back from vacation this morning. He started the show talking about how excited he is to be there. He said he just had the largest cup of coffee ever. He said it was Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Robin said she loves that drugs have a greater effect on him. She said he reacts to everything he takes. Howard said she's 100 percent right about that. He said even aspirin is like that.
Howard said he's been listening to Kid Kelly top 40 tapes and his wife is going to be in today. He said she's going to plead her case about why they should vote him into the radio hall of fame. Robin said today is the day the voting opens up for that.
Howard played some audio of Kid Kelly doing his thing. He did an impression of Kid Kelly too. Robin said he must have been a kid back then. Howard played more of his stuff and said he sounds like Sour Shoes doing his ''Oooo.''
Howard said Kid Kelly has to get in. Just listen to what's going on there. He said he's not even sure what's going on. He said it sounds like mayhem. He played more and said just listen to all of the music going on there. He said he heard Kid Kelly is hyper all day long. He said this is actually how he speaks all day.
Howard said he sounds like he's getting a finger up his ass. He said he was goofing on this whole thing and it's not something cool. He said it's in someone's basement in Chicago. Robin said the hall of fame needs a hall of fame.
Howard said Kid Kelly's wife wants to come in to do this and he thinks they're playing it like she wants him in and he doesn't want to be in. Jon Hein said that he is downplaying it and his wife is the one who wants it. He said that's how they're playing it.
Howard said he's a very professional announcer. He said he thinks they're playing it like it's the wife's mission to make it happen.
Howard played a phony phone call the guys made using his voice. They took clips of him speaking like Kid Kelly's wife and had him call into this show like he was trying to get him into the radio hall of fame. The host of the show entertained it and asked how to get him into the hall of fame. The guy eventually had to hang up.
Howard said he was wondering when the guy was going to ask why he was speaking to a woman with a voice as low as a dude. Howard said he hopes that Kid Kelly gets in. He said they'll be speaking to his wife in about 2 hours. He said that he's up against John Tesh. He said he was on Entertainment Tonight and he has a syndicated show. He said he's not sure if he can beat John Tesh.
Howard said Kid Kelly's wife made some attack ads about John Tesh. He played the fake ads that they created.
Howard said they're going to have some fun with that later in the show. Robin asked if that was a real John Tesh song in that ad. Howard didn't know. Gary told him it was. Robin said he was using his religion to get votes. Howard said anything goes at the radio hall of fame. Robin said the lyrics were ''Open my eyes to my heard lord.'' Howard said what an idiot.
Howard said someone asked him why he had to go to Utah to take up 5 minutes and not just show 5 more minutes of interview. Howard said he's just glad this whole thing is over. He said he knew it was going to be edited and that he was going to hate it. He said they cut out over and hour and a half of interview. He said it turned out fine though. He said people seemed to enjoy it. He said he's just glad the whole fucking thing is over.
Howard said his wife tries to keep him human. He said she told him he should call Dave and say hello. He said she wants him to call people. Robin said that's how you create relationships. Howard said he didn't have a good time doing the interview so he's not going to call him and say he did.
Howard said he was thinking that he could make the call. He said he went upstairs to make the call but he didn't have Dave's number. Howard said he went through a friend to get Dave's number. He said he got a note from his agent and got two numbers. He said he picked up and called Dave. He said he asked Dave how he was doing and where he was. He said the connection was horrible. He said Dave said he was in California. He said he was just calling and stuff came pouring out about the special. He said he was telling him how much he appreciated it. He said Dave didn't hear him so well and he was in his car. He said that he asked where he was again and he was in his car. He said he just said something from his heart and Dave was saying something was up with his phone. He said he told him he would have gone to Utah if he had known about it. He said Dave ended up disconnecting.
Howard said he thought Dave would call back. He said then he got a note back from his agent and it was some TV executive. He said his name was Dave and he had a full conversation with the guy. He said it was the guy who sent him the number for David Letterman. He said this was some other Dave guy who pitched an idea to his agent. He said they thought he wanted to talk to this guy Dave and it wasn't Letterman. He said he never spoke to David Letterman. He said he gave up. He said he's not sure what he said to this guy Dave. He said he was talking about Utah and horses and the guy didn't want to upset him. He said everything just turns to shit.
Jim asked if Howard would have really flown to Utah. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he does care about that protected land. He said he's not sure why trump would touch those lands. Robin said it's all about business for Trump. She said he doesn't go to the park. Howard said how about turning Central park into something. Robin said if there was oil there he would.
Jim said it was pretty wild that Trump wanted him to speak at the Republican National Convention. Howard said he thought he had talked about that on the show but Gary said he never did.
Howard said he really likes Dave and he thinks he's the greatest. He said it was fine. He said it was a home run. He said he's exhausted from trying to get in touch with Dave. He said he'll never speak to him.
Robin said she's so sorry he never spoke to Dave. Howard said he never did. He said he can't get information to get in touch. He said he eventually got a number but it was an office number. He said he gave up and said he'd rather pray to Jesus.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she was there for the taping and they did keep in most of the good stuff. She said it was so natural. She said she doesn't get why these assholes don't thank him. Howard said he did thank him. He said she's awesome. Howard had already hung up on her. Robin said she's on his side even when there is no war. Howard said he thinks Robin is on his side but Mariann puts her to shame. He said he wishes she would talk like her.
Howard wondered what he could do to turn Mariann against him. Robin said she knows what Howard could do to turn her against him. She said that he could bring Benjy back into the studio or make friends with Simon Cowell. Howard said that might do it. He said he's not bringing Benjy back in there though.
Howard said he was able to walk that line when he was starting out. He said that now these people can say stuff without a publicist knowing about it. He said that the new thing is to just do drugs and stay off Twitter.
Howard had Roseanne on the phone to make a statement. He picked up on fake Roseanne who was making more racist comments about Robin. Howard asked if she regrets her comments. Roseanne said it's all Ambien. She said it's as in ''Am Bein' Racist.''
Howard said it sounds like she's going nuts. Fake Roseanne started singing the National Anthem. She asked Howard to turn this all around for her. Howard said she's edgier than ever.
Fake Roseanne asked if black people put hot sauce on cheesecake. Howard said he's not sure about that. He let her go after that.
Howard said ABC had to let her go after that racist comment. He said that his father used to tell him to shut up and sit down. He said he resented it at the time but it's good advice. He said his father told him he didn't have to share his every thought. Robin said most of your through are crap.
Howard said then the Trump supporters were saying that Samantha Bee can call Ivanka a cunt and get away with it. Howard said he's not sure who this Valerie Jarrett is. Robin said it's one of those things that the Trump supporters picked up on and how she helped Obama cover up something. Howard said he likes that the kids on Roseanne were waiting for this show to come back for a long time and they lose it over this. Howard said it was the number two show of the year and it was renewed for season two. Howard asked Jon Hein what show was number 1. Jon said it was The Big Bang Theory. Howard said it's a big deal for that show to be number 2.
Howard said Samantha Bee calling Ivanka a cunt is a big difference. He said that Ted Nugent called Hillary Clinton a cunt. He said that he shouldn't have to explain the difference here. He said black people were dragged here and forced into slavery. He said the biggest humiliation was calling them monkeys and apes. Robin said they were comparing them to animals after being forced to work like animals. Howard said it's a constant thing they have to deal with.
Robin said when you look up your ancestry you look at the census. She said black people have to look at the ownership records.
Howard played a song parody fake Roseanne did about being fired. He said that he always liked Roseanne when she was there. He said that she never said anything racist while she was there. Howard said she clearly has an issue though. Robin said she likes what Bill Maher said about her. He said that one of her multiple personalities is racist. Howard said he likes her other personalities.
Howard said Gary says Benjy has an interesting thing to say about Roseanne. Howard had Benjy come in. He said he heard that he's looking for an apartment. Benjy said he has that all worked out. Howard said he thought that he got evicted or something. Benjy said he had a sublet that ended. He said he got a new one. Howard asked if he would like his own home. Benjy said he would. He said he's going to get something in the next year. He said what he has now is going to last several months. He said it paralyzes his life moving all the time. Howard said it has to be tough. Benjy said his therapist says that he's intentionally blocking himself from doing things.
Howard asked what his point was about Roseanne. Benjy said he thought it was shocking when he heard it at first. He asked if Howard has ever thought about Valerie Jarrett's race. Howard said he didn't know who she was. Benjy said that Valerie grew up in Iran and Roseanne said that she didn't know she was black. Howard said that's fine until you find out Roseanne called another black woman an ape. Jason said it was Susan Rice. She said she had big ape balls years ago. Howard said that's where she gets into trouble with that. Benjy asked if he thinks she's racist. Howard said he would hope not but when you compare a black woman to an ape that's not right. Howard said they call Gary a monkey, and he does, but he's not black. He said they can call him a monkey. He said that you buy into that until you find out she called someone else an ape. Benjy said it sucks that they're pouring all of this into her. Howard said leave now. Benjy said he watched Letterman last night and he thinks Howard is very likeable in it.
Robin asked what's going on with Benjy's hair. Benjy said he has to keep the cap on. Howard asked wot see what's going on there. Benjy showed his hair cut. Howard asked how he spent his vacation. Benjy said he saw Gange yesterday. He said he spent most of it looking for an apartment. Howard said he's putting too much time into that. He said he has to settle down and spend time alone thinking about himself. He said that's what he has to do. He said he's like an obese drifter.
Benjy asked if Howard is aware that he's doing things with OCD and knowing that he's blocking out other things. Howard said he has to go. Robin said she saw on Facebook that Benjy had a post about being depressed and how he feels so great now. He was saying just hang in there. Howard said he read that and unfollowed him. Robin said she was weird about him. Benjy thought it was impossible to be happy. Howard asked them to talk about this off the air. Howard kicked Benjy out of the studio. He said he always has to ask him to leave three times.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why black comedians can be racist toward white people and get away with it. Howard said that's not what's going on. He said black people have a certain license to talk about race. He said it's something they've had to contend with. He said white people haven't had to deal with what black people have. Robin said it's not the same thing. Howard asked the caller to give him an example of what Chris Rock has said. The caller said he'd have to look it up.
The caller said that now 200 people are out of work over this. He said they should have given Roseanne a break. Howard said it's a corporation and they own Disney and they can't just forgive that. The caller asked if anyone will pick that show up. Howard said no. Robin said they were thinking maybe FOX would. Howard said maybe a Russian company will pick it up like they did with Larry King's show. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said some people thought he looked handsome on the Letterman interview. He said certain angles he doesn't look good and some he does. He said he isn't sure why people are carrying on about that interview because he's on the radio every day. He said he's not sure why he's resentful about that. He said they should be contacting him about doing the radio show every day. Robin said it's something different.
Howard had that woman back on the phone and asked how long she was on hold. She said it was a half hour or so. Howard said that's a great story to hang up on yourself. The caller, Maria, said that she watched the Letterman interview and she thought he was very handsome. She said he's strikingly handsome. Howard said he's the best guy she's ever seen. Maria said that Howard is handsome and he has a beautiful wife. Howard said he's only handsome because he's famous. Maria disagreed. Howard said he knows this. Maria said she knows it's not true.
Maria said that he's handsome and he's got a great sense of humor. She said he has a great chin and nose. She said he looks like a man with that chiseled face. She said she would do a double take if he walked into a room. Howard said if he was there to fix her toilet she'd hide in her closet. Howard said he's only handsome because he's famous. Howard said she proved it when she said it was his personality first.
Howard said he used to walk into a room and kids would cry. He said he had to throw them into a river like Frankenstein.
Maria said she was going to be in the FOX News musical that he was going to make. Howard asked what she looks like. She said she's 5'4'' and 127 pounds. She said that Howard would say she's obese based on those numbers. Howard asked who she looks like. Maria said she's been told Penelope Cruz. Howard said now they're talking. He said at least she didn't say Jonah Hill. He said not that there's anything wrong with Jonah.
Howard said he doesn't feel that way about himself. Robin said she just wanted to tell him how she felt about him. Howard said she thinks she looks like Penelope Cruz and he's handsome to her. He said you know that's not right.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Memet has been hitting on his girlfriend and now he's sending pictures of himself to her on Instagram. Howard asked the caller if he's accusing Memet of hitting on her on Instagram. The caller said he is. Howard said he must have a problem with the girlfriend. The caller said that is true. He said she tells him that Memet was following her and he is a fan of Memet's so he was okay with that.
Howard asked what Memet's move is. He said they must have been following him. The caller said that Memet wrote to her that she was stunning. He said he sent a winky face Emoji with that. Howard said he thinks that's kind of effeminate. Howard asked how he knows Memet has been getting texts from him. The caller said that she sends him screen caps. He said they were surprised by that.
Howard asked what some of his lines are. The caller said the line about her being stunning is one. Howard asked if he's jealous of Memet. The caller said he's shocked that he hasn't followed him yet.
Howard asked Memet what his intentions are here. He asked if he's going to bail on this. Memet came in and said that's the old me. He said that he's not convinced that this is real. He said there are fake Memet's out there. The caller said that it's the real Memet. Memet said that he does do the Emoji thing so he did think it might be him. He said he's not sure what girl they're talking about but he doesn't mess with girlfriends or wives. Howard gave up on that whole thing a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what he thinks about the theory that Roseanne was self sabotaging herself. Howard said that's possible. He said that when he saw that he did think that maybe she's relieved that the show is gone. He said that the pressure may have been unbearable. The caller said the pressure must have been high for her. Howard said Tom Arnold was saying it might be self sabotage. He said that there may be some truth to it. The caller said that it's very sad.
Robin said last time there was a lot of upset and unrest in her life during the entire run of that show the first time around. Howard said maybe it's just too much for her.
Howard said he got jealous because Joe Rogan was able to book Roseanne to do an interview. He said he wishes he could have done one. He said she didn't make it there to Joe's show though. Howard said Angry Alice went berserk over it on voicemail. Howard said she was anti-Roseanne. Howard played the clip of Alice going off on Roseanne about how she looks like a pig.
Howard said that Beetlejuice turned 50 on Saturday. He had a birthday song for him that the guys created. He said they call him Biggie Small Head. Robin said she thought it was sweet that Snoop asked about Beetlejuice when he was there.
Howard brought up Wendy the Slow Adult's cough when she was up there for the conclave. He said that they played some of the clips for a doctor who works there at Sirius. He said that he has some thoughts on the cough. The doctor was telling them what the problem could be and what could be causing it. The doctor had a few thoughts on the issues she could have and suggested that she see a doctor.
Howard said she gave birth to an 8 pound lougie over the weekend. He said the cough is horrible. He played clips of her almost drowning in her own phlegm. He had a song parody with Wendy's cough in it. Howard said Gary clears his throat constantly but she makes Gary sound downright pleasant.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has it on good information that Memet goes for women who have boyfriends and husbands. He said a good friend of his got in touch with Memet and he has seen photos of Memet's body that he wishes he had never seen. He said that this woman traveled to New York to sleep with Memet and then she went back home to her husband and family. The caller said he's lying about not going after women who are in relationships. Howard said this is the new Memet. He said now he doesn't do that. Howard said it's not a guy's obligation to stay away from a woman who is married. He said that's up to her.
Howard played another couple of songs with Wendy's cough in it. He said the coughs are very musical. He had another song with her grunting in it. They went to break after that.
The caller said he took a wrong turn from being distracted by Wendy. Howard played him another song parody with Wendy's coughs and grunts.
Howard said he wants to mention a few things. He said that the new Sirius app is so great. He said he downloaded it onto his phone. He said he's never had the app before. He said he knows it used to be a problem for people. He said he's a big fan of it now. He said he got all charged up about it. He said that they have to do something special for the fans. He said he had an idea for the staff to do something special for the app. He said he's sure Richard and Sal have ideas already. Robin said it's nothing they haven't seen before.
Howard said he asked Jason to ask the staff what they would want to do. Jason said Richard and Sal dominated it. He said he got half a dozen ideas. He said they're all visual. Jason said they want to have a heaviest diaper contest. He said they want to pee into a diaper to see who has the heaviest by the end of the show. Howard said if they do it for the app they will have them go in it the whole show.
Richard came in and said he wants to shit in his diaper. Howard said no. He said that's not for the new app. Sal asked what's wrong with Richard. He said that's coming from him too. Howard said it's about urine, not shit. He said it's like sticking a brick in your diaper.
Howard asked Richard if he's sun burned. Richard said he is. Howard asked what's wrong with him. He said he was in Florida all week and he's not burned. Richard said he burns easy. He said he's had some skin cancers removed too. Howard asked if he wears sun block. Richard said he's an idiot and he should be better with it. He said he doesn't like wearing it when he runs because it gets in his eyes. Howard said it can save his life.
Howard asked more about the peeing in the diaper thing. Sal said they're going to weigh themselves at the end of the show. He said they'll weigh in at the start and at the end of the show. Sal said the loser has to clean up the winner.
Howard asked what other ideas they had. Richard came up with a ''naked gimp'' idea. Richard said there's a wall behind Howard and he could have a gimp mask and a bloody sign that says help me. He said they can see if the guest will help. Howard said if he has a guest in there they're not going to upset them with that. Howard asked why the mask.
The guys had another idea where they get raped by Jon Hein. Sal said the first one that Jon grabs in a circle is the one he gets to rape. Howard said he hopes Jon is up for this. Jon said he can't wait. Howard asked if he would do something like that. Richard said he can just push them down and get them in position. Howard said that's not going to happen.
Jason said that Sal and Richard want to have a piss race where they hang upside down holding a cup in their mouth. They pee into the cup. Howard said alright. Gary said they can't legally do that in this building. Howard said they can do it somewhere else and they can stick it up on the video thing.
Howard said the only idea that makes sense is the diaper thing. Jason said Sal also pitched Car pool Cockyoke. They'd have a musician in a car and he'd have to sing into Sal's cock.
Howard said Jim Meyer is on the phone. He picked up on fake Jim who told them to pack up their shit because they're all fired. He said Kid Kelly is taking over the studio.
Sal said they also have a vibrating egg up the ass karaoke thing. They'd have Howard controlling the vibrator while they try to sing. Robin said she likes that better than the diaper. She said they can put the diaper on after the egg. Richard said Ronnie is up for the egg thing too. Howard said they should do that in 10 minutes.
Howard said so far they'll weigh the diaper thing and do the egg thing. Howard said a lot of shows in the summer go off the air. He said they weigh diapers.
Sal said Benjy had an idea to jerk off in a car with a comedian in the car. Richard said they have fastest boner without touching. He said they can't touch it but they see who can get hard. Howard asked whose idea that was. Richard said he didn't remember. Jason said he thinks that was Richard's idea.
Richard said he had an idea to trace their cocks at home and bring in the pictures to guess whose they are. Howard said he did that and brought it in. He drew something huge for the guys.
Richard said he has another idea where he'd have Howard undress him and put him in a dress. Howard said that he'd do it but it sounds like something he'd go to jail for. Richard said he's still up for being chloroformed. Howard said they can't do that. Howard said Richard has been there 14 years and he has been asking for that all this time. He said there's something wrong with him. Richard said they used to watch that Master Bill guy who would do that. Howard said he never chloroformed anyone. Howard said that guy was so ugly and he had good looking women.
Howard said JD went on Twitter and did something weird. He said he's saying it was a joke. Howard said he thinks he's covering his bases. Jason said this was a day after Howard's Letterman appearance showed up on Netflix. He said that JD said the best interview was between Letterman and Seinfeld. Jason said someone pointed out that Howard might be upset by that. JD said he was kidding. Howard said JD has some issue with him. He said he's constantly doing stuff like this. He said he must be jealous.
Howard said it was his day to shine and JD's nerd rage got to him. He said JD just couldn't stand he was having a good day. JD said he saw the reaction he got and he felt it was diminishing how he really felt about his appearance. JD said he was trying to be funny.
Howard said he's telling JD that Twitter is very dangerous in his hands. He said he has a job because of him. He said he's the reason he works there. He asked why he has to be funny on twitter. JD said he doesn't know. Howard said many a truth is said in jest.
Howard said he's okay with the whole thing but why would you jeopardize your job like that. He said that he gives him this great job and he could just say ''fuck him.'' Howard said he's such a sap that he feels free to say whatever he wants. Howard said JD went on Twitter to diminish him instead of emailing him. JD said he's done. Howard it's so weird to him. He doesn't get it. He played a song parody about JD's mumbling after that.
Howard said there were people on Twitter telling him he was going to get fired. JD said they're all assholes. Richard said he has a good punishment for him. He said they shave Jason's back and JD has to glue it on his face for the day. JD told him to get out of here. Howard said that's funny.
Howard said how about putting up a photo of his wife and put out another one saying that this is actually the must beautiful woman. JD said he did think about it. Howard said that's basically what he did to his boss. Howard said he should do a joke like that about his wife. JD said he leaned he did wrong. Howard said he should take down his account. He said he's out of his mind. He said he's lucky he's so lenient.
Shuli said if he closes that account you won't get the gems he has on there. He read one about the royal wedding. Howard told JD to repeat after him and said ''Twitter is not my friend.'' Sal said they should have Twitter remove his verification. Howard had him repeat ''Twitter does not pay me at all.''
Howard said he saw Jerry Seinfeld and he was telling him about this special thing he shot and how he didn't know it was going to be up on Netflix. He said that's what they put up and that's what JD was talking about.
Shuli told Howard about some of the other stuff that JD has put on Twitter. JD walked out when Shuli mentioned him spending 20 grand on Webcam girls. Howard said he doesn't know what he did to this guy. JD said he apologized and he took it down. He said he felt bad so he took it down. Howard said he has to be the guy who is taking down his own tweets. He said it was already out there so damage done.
Jason said he could have asked the other guys if they thought it was a good idea. JD said he did tweet about watching the interview before he sent that one out. Howard said JD must think that talking about him in a negative way will get him attention. Howard asked if he's on his side. JD said he has no idea how much he's on his side. Howard said he's right about that.
Howard and Fred were doing their JD voices and goofing on him about all of this. Howard said JD sent him a clip of Megyn Kelly doing this beautiful piece with three women. He said she was talking about how it was good to see him on Letterman. He said that she was making the point it was good to hear about the therapy thing and all of that. Howard said then JD puts out this tweet. Howard said he's basically saying Howard sucks. JD said no he wasn't. He said that wasn't it at all.
Jason said maybe they can have a video where JD is deleting his twitter. Howard said this is why Twitter is killing careers. He said that people think they have a platform and they put out whatever they want. Howard said if JD was working in a grocery store no one would read a thing he says. He said now he has an audience because he's on this show. He said his brother is a regular guy. Howard asked how many followers he has. JD said he doesn't have Twitter anymore. Howard said that would be JD without him.
Howard said this is just like what's going on with Roseanne. He said that this is JD calling him an ape and he's a black man. He said seriously he shouldn't be on there. He said Gilbert Gottfried had it made being the Affleck duck. He said then he made some jokes and got fired. JD explained it to Howard again. Howard told JD to use Fred as a mentor. He asked when Fred last tweeted. Fred said he doesn't have an account. Howard said Fred doesn't believe it exists. He said that's the opposite of a narcissist. He said Fred is a smart guy. He said he could handle Twitter better than JD. JD said yes.
Shuli said the other thing about Twitter is how far back it goes. He said you get a gig somewhere and they go through your old shit and you're done. Howard said they could go back on JD's account and see that he lashed out against his boss and not hire him. JD said he took it down after 5 minutes so it's not there anymore. Jason said it never goes away. He said Howard has it in his hands now.
Howard took a call from a guy who was JD's biggest fan. He was making jokes about Howard like JD did.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said he has a theory. He said he gave JD a life and a hot wife. He said that on some level he resents it because he wanted to do it on his own. He said it bubbles up now and then. Howard said that's an interesting hypothesis. He said that to be free you have to rebel against your parents. He said that's what JD is doing. He said he's angry because he can't fly away on his own. Robin said if he didn't have a Twitter account none of this would have come up. Howard said there's no doubt in his mind that this is what's going on. He said JD has to look at this. JD said he looked at it and took it down. Jason said he didn't look at it and take it down. He said that people had to tell him it was wrong.
Howard said Dad is only going to put up with so much before he throws him out of the house like that 30 year old. Howard thanked Ralph for the call too.
Ralph brought up the Samantha Bee thing and said that calling Ivanka Trump a cunt wasn't right. He said that they let her do that and don't fire her. Jason said that there's no reason to fire her over that. Howard said it's not the same thing as firing Roseanne. Ralph said he never said anything about that. Howard said there are people who are drawing a parallel. Ralph said Samantha is always talking like a pig.
Howard said he wants to ask Kid Kelly's wife why she cares about this radio hall of fame. He said the guy has a job there and he's already in a radio hall of fame. Howard told the guys to stick around for this if they want. He told Sal not to say anything stupid.
Howard said they do a fan vote for this hall of fame. He said they want attention for this shit so that's why they do this. He said John Tesh is up against Kid Kelly and a few other radio people. Howard said this is so insulting. He said it's really nothing.
Howard told Gary to bring in Kathy. Howard said she's a lovely woman. He said she's beautiful. The guys all applauded her when she came in. Howard said Kathy goes by Kathy Gilbert and not Mrs. Kid Kelly. Howard asked if they call her Kid Kathy. She said they call her Kathy Kelly. She said that she doesn't even know his real name. She said that's for real. Howard asked if she met his mother and father. She said yes but his aunt and uncle raised him.
Howard said he met Kid Kelly in the hall the other day. Robin said she's never had the privilege. Howard said this guy came up to him and he's no kid. Howard said the guy thanked him for everything. Howard said he thinks Jason was out there. Jason said it was Gary. Sal said Gary is the mayor of Sirius. Howard said he saw the guy and thought it might be Kid Kelly. He said he claimed he was an intern on the show. Howard said he didn't remember him. He said it turned out it was Kid Kelly.
Howard said he doesn't think Kid Kelly should have to suck up to this radio hall of fame. He asked if it's really that big of a deal. Kathy said that Kid doesn't need this. She said that Howard talked about him and he was happy. She said she thinks he deserves it. She said all four of the people nominated belong in the hall of fame. Howard said it's ridiculous. He said he shouldn't give a shit. He said he wishes he could give him spot. Kathy said that the hall of fame isn't in a basement anymore. She said it's a respectable display now. Howard said it hasn't changed his life one bit. He said he gets it might be important to Kid Kelly though. He asked why people how they can vote for Kid. Kathy said you can vote for him at RadioVote.com. Howard asked her to give a reason for why they should vote for him. Kathy said that the voting goes until June 18th. She said the reason to vote for Kid is that he has a very special talent and radio skill. She said not everyone can do what he does. Howard said he tried and he can't do it.
Howard played some audio of Kid doing his thing and said there's no way he could do that. Howard tried talking up a song and doing what Kid Kelly does. Howard played a bunch of sounds and talked up a song.
Howard said he has John Tesh's wife on the phone. Fake Connie Sellecca on the line crying about how this was supposed to be their year for this.
Howard asked what the plan is if they get him in. Kathy said she hasn't thought that far ahead. She said that she will think about it. Howard said Kathy and Kid hired a social media director to get in on this campaign. Kathy said they did. Gary said she's there if he wants to meet her. Howard said John Tesh has a campaign going on this week too. Howard asked what this social media director is doing. Kathy said that Nina used to work for Kid and Kid was her mentor. He said she started working in Philly and now she's doing TV. She said she saw the nomination and she knew it would be a social media campaign. She said Kid had none of this stuff. She said that Kid is the Vice President of music programming there. She said that he's behind the scenes. She said she looked at this and thought about what they had to do.
Gary said Kathy is a lawyer and she's laying this all out. Howard said if he was Kid he'd quit this job and let her work. Howard said he doesn't see his wife doing things like this for him. Sal said neither does he. Howard said he has John Tesh's social media director on the phone too. He took that fake call.
Howard said that Kathy seems to really love Kid Kelly. Kathy said of course she does. Howard said she's really into this. He said it's very nice. Kathy said she would be at work right now so she had to take time off for this.
Howard said it's very sweet that she's doing this. Howard asked how long she's been married. She said 22 years. Howard said it must be a good marriage. Robin asked if he's really like this on and off the air. She asked where they met.
Howard asked Kathy if Kid is the best lover she's ever had in her life. She said yes. Howard said she hesitated. She said she was told to be careful. She said that her 83 year old father is listening to this.
Howard talked about how great Kathy is and how amazing it is that she went from being a cheerleader to a lawyer. She told Howard about how she met Kid. She said he had a ledger of all of these cheerleaders that they had at this shoot they were doing. Shuli asked if she still has that outfit. She said she odes but she has never put it on for Kid.
Howard had to kick Sal out of there after he made a joke about Kid and the cheerleader outfit. Howard said he knew he was going to say something stupid.
Howard asked Kathy more about how she met Kid. She told Howard about the notes he kept on the cheerleaders and how he wasn't interested in her that day. She said that she was trying to set him up with one of her cheerleaders. She said that woman didn't have good conversation with him. She said she ended up going out with Kid without the cheerleader and they had fun and great conversation and they have been together ever since.
Howard asked if she feels bad she was his back up choice. Kathy said she never thought about it. Howard asked how long they were together before he asked her to marry him. She said it was 6 years. Howard asked how many dates she waited before she gave it up. She said her father is listening and it was a long time. She said it wasn't years. Howard asked if it was weeks. She said her 83 year old father is listening.
Howard said they're going to help out Kid Kelly's family with this. He said they'll help him get voted in. Howard said you text 200 to 96000. Howard said he's not going to do that. Robin explained what he'd have to do. Howard said ''Oh my god.'' Kathy said you can also go to RadioVote.com. You can only vote once per email or phone number.
Howard said he has the voting details from Kid Kelly. He started to play that but cut it off saying he's not going to do that either. Howard said he wishes him luck. He wished Kathy luck too. Kathy said you can vote through June 18th.
Kathy said they're also giving away $5,000 and all you have to do is vote. She said you can find out the details at KidKelly.com.
Howard was joking about how if he gets voted in then there are ''no holes barred.'' he was talking like he was Kathy talking to Kid. Howard said vote him in so he can stop hearing about this.
Howard gave Kathy some plugs and wrapped up with her. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said when someone says you can vote by texting these number he doesn't know how to do it. He said give this guy a break. He said he'd just go to the web site. Howard said he'll vote for the guy. He said he needs a reminder on that.
Howard took a call from Apples who said he wants to put a hot chick on his radar. He asked if Howard has seen the new Kanye video. Apples said that the song is called Fade. He said the chick in it is hot. Apples was out of breath. He said he's 310 pounds now and he's kind of nervous. Howard said when he first got on radio he could not catch his breath. He said he'd call into shows and he'd be out of breath. He said he was more nervous calling in than he was on the air.
Howard asked what Apples is saying. Apples said her name is Tianna Taylor. Howard said the guys in the back are saying he already talked about this. He said the video is from 2016. Howard said he actually talked about her himself. He said he's getting notes about how he talked about her. Howard said there are so many hot chicks that he can't remember them.
Apples said the chick who plays Domino in Dead Pool 2 is great too. Howard said the girl who sings the song Havana is hot too. He said it's the most streamed song on Spotify. Robin said she's not sure he's heard that song. Howard said he was watching videos of women exercising to this video. He said that's when he went upstairs and jerked off. He said he had a free moment and had to jerk off. Howard said he saw women exercising to this Havana song and he was really horny. He said the singer is Camila Cabello. He had Fred play some of the song for Robin.
Howard said she's acting like a wall flower in the video. He said he's kind of rooting that she never has another hit song. He said he hopes she's a one hit wonder. He said this song is huge though. He said she has a name for her fans. He asked if Apples knows. Apples didn't know. Howard said she calls them Camilizers. He played some audio of Camila talking about her fans.
Howard asked JD if he likes this Camila. JD said she's not as curvy as he likes. Howard said how about that guy from Saturday Night Live doing that Ariana Grande. Robin said the cast of Saturday Night Live is doing well with the women. Howard said it's Pete Davidson. Howard said he likes that he talks about his mental illness and doesn't hide it. He said he is with Ariana Grande who is very hot. He said they've only been dating a coupe of days and he got her initials tattooed on him. He said if he can advise the guy he'd say don't go overboard. He said that he doesn't want him to blow that. He said he'd like to see him parlay that into a marriage.
Apples asked who the hottest guys are on Saturday Night Live. Howard asked Apples what they're going to do about his weight. Apples said he's trying to eat better. He said he loves Wendy's. He said he just turned 40 and he's married. He said he has a hot wife. Howard said he can keep eating then. He said he thought he was sitting home looking at hot chicks. Apples said that she's not afraid to point out the hot chicks. He asked if Beth does that. Howard said she will but it's not like she wants him to go out and bang them. Howard let Apples go after it got too creepy for him.
Howard said Ronnie has some information on something. Ronnie came in and said that he just had the name of the show ''SEAL Team.'' he said that's all he was saying. Howard kicked him out but then said he saw him rubbing into some guy's dick with his ass. Ronnie said they weren't rubbing. Howard asked what's going on with him. Ronnie said nothing. He said he was out at his friend's house and they were drinking and they were dancing around like lunatics. He said Stephanie had to post it. He said the guy wasn't grinding him. He said he didn't have his dick in his ass. Gary said the only reason it wasn't in his ass is because they both had pants on.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with Ronnie. Ronnie said he was just having fun. Howard said the video disappeared. Ronnie said she never takes anything down.
Howard said there was something on KTLA that was so funny. He said that Robin has to see the visual. He said they do a memorial day thing and someone photoshopped Ronnie's head on a civil war soldier and he's wearing his Gucci glasses in it. He said they aired it like no one even cared. He said they aired it as it if was a real thing. Howard said if you can find the clip online then check it out. Howard played the audio for Robin.
Howard said after the Gwyneth Paltrow interview they made news with the story about Brad Pitt confronting Harvey Weinstein. Howard said they played a clip on Good Morning America and they aired it with the word ''fuck'' still in it. Howard said the host, Robin Roberts, freaked out. He said she said they had to apologize for that. Howard played the clip where they aired the whole clip uncensored. They said it should have been bleeped out. Howard said she made a face like she just smelled Sal and Richard's shit diaper.
Howard said someone sent him the movie Upgrade and it was very cool. Robin said she saw it to and it was cool. Howard said it's this guy who is paralyzed and they put a chip in him and the computer takes over his whole brain. Robin said it was really good. She said it didn't appear to be in the top 10 at the box office. She said it was a really good movie. Howard said sometimes he'll watch a movie and think it's good but then it doesn't get good reviews. Gary said the guy who did it was the one who did Saw and Insidious. Robin said she had the theater all to herself. She said she really enjoyed it.
Richard came in to talk about Svengoolie. Howard went over who Svengoolie was and how he introduced horror movies. Howard said he used to talk about the guy in Detroit when he was on there. Howard said he was reading about Svengoolie and how he died and he wondered if he was even the real one. Richard said there was an original who died. He said that they took his name. Howard said the guy he saw hardly put on any makeup. He said John Zacherle put on cool makeup. Howard said Svengoolie wasn't that interesting. He said he would talk about the guy like he knew him to get ratings. He said he figured if the audience thought he knew him that they'd stay tuned. Howard said the Svengoolie he knew died in 2013 actually. He said that the guy was supposed to be a monster but he would sell stuff instead of being like a horror guy.
Howard played a clip of Svengoolie giving Richard a shout out. Richard said he watches the guy every Saturday night. He said he's more goofy than scary. He said he loves that. Howard said there's nothing that Richard doesn't love.
Howard said he's not sure what that show is. He said they're interrupting the show to talk about Richard Christy. Howard said he might do a show like that and not compete with a movie. Richard said they show really bad movies and it's more interesting to watch the guy than the movie. Howard said Beth did a show where they gambled in the breaks in a movie. Howard said he didn't get that. Beth liked doing it but she didn't get it either. Robin said she was getting a pay check from it though.
Richard said he watches the show with his 7 month old son on Sundays. Howard said his poor son. He said he can't wait until his son is 15 and hates horror movies. Richard said that's his choice. He said his parents took him to see every horror movie. Howard said alright, goodbye. He told him to go turn red in the sun.
Howard said he worked as a DJ at a White Plains Holiday Inn when he was starting out at WRNW. He said they had a bar in the hotel and he was there playing music. He said they fired him for playing Beatles and Stevie Wonder. He said he had to bring his own records. He didn't have any dance records. He said drunk women would come up to request songs and he didn't have one of the songs they would request. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Robin started her news with a story about Morgan Freeman and some claims from women who are claiming inappropriate behavior. Howard said every day it's someone new.
Robin read a story about the Roseanne show crashing. Robin said they quote her net worth at $80 million. She still has money rolling in from the original series. Howard said he heard they were going to cancel that too. Robin said she didn't hear that. She said they'll have to see what happens. Howard said they took her reruns off of Hulu. Robin read about how some of the actors are probably going to get paid for a certain amount of episodes because they had picked up the second season. Howard said he read they were thinking about doing a spin off of the cast because they have to pay them anyway. Howard asked who would watch that. Robin said they may have John Goodman in it. Howard said he doesn't think John would do it. Robin read about how Roseanne, John and Laurie Metcalf had negotiated for $350,000 per episode for the next season. Robin said that ABC may have to pay some of that. Howard said he wants to know what the son was getting paid. He said he feels bad for that kid. He said John Goodman will find work. Howard said he doesn't know if they work in the industry or not.
Howard asked if Sara Gilbert is Melissa Gilbert's sister. Robin said she is but she thinks that Melissa was adopted. Howard said he can't take his eyes off of her. He said she's very interesting. He asked how great it would be if they gave her a show and she turned racist and started calling black people apes. He said how about a Roseanne reboot with everyone in black face. Howard asked if there were any black people on Roseanne. Robin said that Wanda Sykes was working for the show. Gary said they had a kid on the show who was DJ's daughter and she was black. Howard said that Sara Gilbert denounced it right away and Roseanne didn't say anything. He said the kid who plays DJ said the same thing and Roseanne shit on him. Howard said they should just keep the show going and have Roseanne become the head of the Klan.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if it was brave of ABC to drop the show. He said it was number 1. Howard said they had it down and that show was doing well. He said they whipped it away from her as she was writing her apology. Ralph asked if they could have weathered the storm. Howard said no way. He said he saw Al Sharpton speechless after ABC did their thing. Ralph said Al was pissed that he didn't get to do his thing. Howard said he had all of his signs painted already and they canceled the show. Howard said they beat him to it. Howard said he felt bad for Al Sharpton in this whole thing. He said he has a whole business based on when white people fuck up.
Robin said it's the 50th anniversary of the killing of Robert F. Kennedy. Howard said he loved that guy. Howard was still going with the Al Sharpton stuff and making up his speeches that he didn't get to use against ABC. Robin said Starbucks also got on top of their thing and said they were closing all of their stores after that incident in their store. Howard said ABC was swift with their decision.
Robin read more about the 50th anniversary of the death of Robert F. Kennedy. Robin said there are conspiracy theories popping up around that whole thing even now. Robin mentioned Sirhan Sirhan and Howard said he has the best radio name. He said imagine him in prison. Robin said he's still alive. Howard said it's not a good idea to be an assassin in your 20s. He said wait until the end of your life. Howard said Roosevelt Greer tackled the guy and sat on him. Robin spent a little more time talking about the death of Robert F. Kennedy. Howard said maybe Roseanne can save her career by sitting on an assassin. Robin had Howard play Dion's ''Abraham, Martin & John'' which was covered by a bunch of people. She had Howard play some of the other covers too. Howard asked if Robin would cover that song. Robin had him play a couple more versions to figure out if she can be inspired.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said he kind of defends Roseanne in a way. He said that they call Trump an orangutan. He said he knows it's not the same thing. He said she said something stupid and insulting but he doesn't think she's racist. Howard said if you work for a corporation like ABC that's going to happen. He said that this monkey thing has happened forever in this country and you can't do stuff like that. Howard let Janks go and did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Bobo but he asked Robin what she thinks he's going to talk about. Robin said that he's going to complement him on the Netflix thing. Bobo said that was great but that's not what he called in for. He said that if Roseanne isn't on the show no one is going to watch it. He said the rest of them are flunkies. He said ABC has nothing going on other than that show. Fred played Bobo off with loud music. Howard said wow. He asked what his point is. Robin said his point was that they can't bring the show back. Fred played a Bobo song parody and Howard had Robin get back to her news.
Robin asked if Howard is okay putting down his gender on a form when he fills it out. Howard said he is. Robin said some people aren't happy with it. She said there's a new bill that would allow a new gender allocation in New York. Robin said they are going to have a gender X. Howard said he'd use that. He said last time he looked at his penis he thought that he wasn't even a man anymore. Robin read more about that law.
Robin read a story about how people are using the same tactics that they use for stopping abortions to stop same sex marriage. Robin read some details about that and said that you can deny services based on your religious background.
Robin read about the volcano in Guatemala that erupted. She said she hopes that the people who performed in the music she recorded are okay.
Howard said there was a story about George Takei and some guy who accused him of inappropriate behavior. He said the guy took the story back. Howard said George has been avoiding them over that story. He said he got fucked over that story. Robin said so did George. Howard said he hopes George will come back to the show. He took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei voice singing to the tune of ''Abraham, Martin & John.'' Howard tried to talk to him but Sour was still singing so he hung up.
Robin read a story about Apple having their Worldwide Developer conference. Robin said this is where they talk about software and insider industry stuff. Robin said they're also going to talk about how to help limit phone addiction. She said what they're thinking of doing is setting time spent in apps. Robin said it may throw you out if you're in the app too long. Howard said imagine you're that out of control. Howard said his wife is on Instagram all the time. He said he has to ask her to get off when they're walking. He said they're up to almost 1000 cats they've rescued. He said they're doing great with that. He said it's a very heart warming thing. He said the other day they were talking and he realized her phone was out of power so she had to charge it. He said she didn't have her phone on her. He said she loves her phone. He said her phone was so full of pictures that it stopped working. He said it's back to working though. He said he got jealous of her being with her phone all the time.
Howard said David Spade is really good on Instagram. He said he sits and reads the paper to you. He said it's really funny. He said he's not sure whet the difference is between Twitter and Instagram. He said he thought of an app the other day. He said this app would start your coffee maker in the morning. Robin said they have timers on them. Robin said you can connect to Alexa and it'll start it. Howard asked the guys if that exists. Robin said she thought it was a thing.
Howard said how about an app where you call a car and driver to come pick you up. Robin said that Uber and Lyft already do that.
Robin read a story about Brigitte Nielsen who is now 54 years old and pregnant. Howard asked how they do that. Robin said there must be drugs involved. Robin said this will be her 5th child. Robin said that she thought Janet Jackson being 50 and having a child was up there. Robin had some news about Janet Jackson and how she had to call the cops to check on her 1 year old who was in the care of her estranged husband. Robin said you'd think she'd know at 50 how someone is going to treat her own child before having a child with that person. Robin said the police found out the child was fine and they told her to handle things civilly.
Robin read a story about how she's going to call this segment ''straw wars.'' Howard said he's using paper straws now. Robin said down in Clearwater, Florida they're having a strawless summer challenge. Robin said that plastic poses a danger to animals. Howard said he's all for paper straws. Robin said that plastic straws are going away. She had some audio of a woman talking about micro-plastics and why they're a problem.
Robin read a story about how President Trump thinks he can't obstruct justice if he's the chief law enforcement officer. Robin said that he should be able to be charged and tried for that. Robin said you can't say the president is above the law. Robin said that's what his lawyers are claiming though. Robin said Rudy Giuliani might even have the power to pardon himself. Robin had some audio of Giuliani talking about that and some other things.
Howard had Jon Hein clips on the phone talking about straws. They had taken clips from his fast food book and played them for Howard. Howard asked how this book didn't make it to number 1. He said what a fascinating man. Howard asked who published Jon's book. Gary said he's down at Wrap Up preparing for the show.
Robin read a story about how we've pissed off Canada. Robin said they're upset about the tariffs that we've imposed on their products. Robin had some audio of Justin Trudeau talking about how it's going to hurt jobs in the U.S. as well as Canada. They're going to put tariffs on the same things coming from the U.S.
Robin read a story about how people are wondering where Melania is. Robin said she tweeted over the weekend and she said she's still working hard for the American people. Robin said she's going to make an appearance today so everyone will be keeping an eye out for that.
Robin read about some basketball and hockey news. Howard said he should have been watching that stuff. Gary said it was on late at night. Howard said he could have watched it for an hour at least. Robin read about the hocky playoffs too and bookies are upset because there's a team that just started this year and they're in the playoffs. If they win they could cost the bookies some big money.
Robin said she tried to watch The Bachelorette but she wasn't able to get through it. Howard talked about how she kept 6 black guys and only dismissed one black guy. He said he has hope for this country now. Robin said she didn't even get to that part.
Robin read a story about Serena Williams returning to tennis. Robin said she wasn't doing very well in the French Open but then somehow she found her game in the second match and she's blowing people off the court again.
Robin read about the Belmont Stakes coming up this weekend. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how big SiriusXM has gotten. He said they're up to like 33 million subscribers now. He said he wants to go home so bad. He said he loves going home. He said in 4 hours he'll be done but then he has meetings. He said he also has a lie detector test today. He said they talked to Ronnie about having things in his ass and Ronnie said he bets he had something in there. Howard said he has never had anything but a woman try to put her pinkie in there once. He said that Ronnie said he bets they'd all flunk. He said Fred isn't going to take the test. He said he thinks that it'll give a false positive because he's getting a colonoscopy. Fred said he has had them done before so he has had things up his ass. He said whatever they think. He said he's never had that when he's had sex. Howard said he's happy to do it.
Howard asked Fred if he did and he's embarrassed. Fred said he thinks any talk about that will be emotional. He said the lie detector detects things with your heartbeat and respiration. Howard said Fred is the only one not taking it. He said something must have happened to him. Fred said it did. Howard said he has a theory but he won't say what it is.
Robin said Fred was shocked when his mom admitted she had done it. Howard said he was thinking it was something family related. He said he thinks it's part of the Norris legacy. Fred said don't blame them. He said they had nothing to do with it.
Howard said he always considered Fred a team player. He said maybe he was wrong. Fred said he doesn't do well with those things. Robin asked why it would matter if he failed. Fred said he failed the lie detector about being gay. He said he's not and the lie detector makes you think someone is guilty. He said it's a subjective test.
Howard said Fred made out with Gay Rich. Fred said he was totally drunk and it wasn't his idea. Howard said he has Fred's asshole on the phone. He picked up and the asshole said Fred does so many bad things to him. He said the Sharpies he chews are go right up there. He said he has a car toy up there too.
Howard said he's taking that test today and he wishes Fred would join him. Fred said he'll do it if Howard really wants him to. Howard said he would like that. Fred said he knows it's going to come back to bite him in the ass. Howard said now he just wants Fred to take the test. Howard said he has had colonscopies and he had a girl try to put a finger in there.
Howard asked Jason what the question is going to be about the ass. Jason said the questions are on the paper in front of him. Howard said he sees it. He said they're going to ask if they put anything in their ass for pleasure and things like that.
JD came in to say something and Howard went off on him about what he said about him on Twitter. He said yesterday he pointed out that JD was on Twitter and he said something negative about him on the Letterman thing. JD kept trying to say it wasn't negative. Howard said JD linked to a Seinfeld interview with Letterman and he said it was better than his appearance. Howard said there is no joke in there. JD said the joke was that of all of the conversations in there it was the conversation about the baseball player he likes. Howard said this was the day after all of this attention was on him. JD was trying to tell him something but he gave up halfway through it. He said it doesn't matter.
Howard asked if he thinks on some level he could have been jealous. JD said he doesn't have a special so he's not jealous. Howard said he might have fantasies about fame and all of that. JD said not at all. Howard said he thinks he craves the spotlight. JD said when Twitter first started he was nuts. He said he has calmed it all down. Howard said he felt the need to say that his interview wasn't the best thing. JD said it was a joke. He said that Howard's interview was so good that it was the joke. He said there was one praising Howard and then that other joke. Howard said it's a lot of work to get a link up. JD said it was a quick clip.
Howard said he's about self examination. He said he took a hard look at that. JD said that's what he liked about his interview. Howard said he's talking about JD now. JD said he self introspects a lot. Howard asked what he has discovered. JD said he discovered he's an asshole sometimes.
Howard asked why JD had to tweet. JD said it was fun. He said he likes when people like his tweets. Howard said this isn't real. JD said he's aware. Howard asked if he's holding him back in some way. JD said no.
Howard asked why he came in. JD said when you say you had a thing in your ass a tongue counts, right? Howard said yes. Howard said he's never even had that. He said no woman has ever been moved to do that. JD said it's a good time.
Howard said Fred is taking it. Fred said he's doing it but he thinks Ronnie should get a colonoscopy if he does it. He said the whole thing is stressful. He said he's worse than most people. JD said that he knows that it's going to show he's lying on the test. He said that he will take it though. Howard said he would love to meet the woman who put her tongue up JD's ass. JD said it was a crazy night. Howard asked if it's erotic. JD said yes.
Howard said JD is a weirdo. He said that it did bother him that he did that. Robin said she understands that. She said he has a bond with JD. JD said that's why he took it down. Howard asked how stupid JD is. He said he's had a boss all his life. Howard said he likes working with Jim Meyer and he adores the guy. He said he's such a nice man. He said he's very respectful of him. He said he loves the guy. He said he's proud to say that. He said he's had enough bosses who were assholes and he would say it if he was. Howard said this is a real CEO who is good. Howard said he would never say something negative unless he had a hostility toward him. He asked on what planet you'd think that was funny.
Howard said he's happy for Jim when people recognize his talent. He said he's happy to be a part of this. He said JD has to examine that. He said he knows the attention is hard to deal with. He said he needs it. He said he's sorry but that was a really negative thing to do. JD said he doesn't feel any hostility toward Howard. He said he appreciates what he has done for him. He said he will look inward to see if there is something going on with him. He said he's been doing it since yesterday.
Howard did his JD voice asking himself if he doesn't like Howard on some level. Fred was playing an owl hoot as he was talking to himself. He said he knows there's a lot to look through since he's put on 50 pounds. He kept saying hello to his inner conscience.
Robin said he says so quickly that he doesn't have any hostility. She said he won't even let him ask a question before he says no. Howard said his inner self answered and mumbled so he didn't understand it.
Howard said he loves JD but man... He did his more of his JD voice and asked himself about having the tongue up his ass.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he thinks he was trying to be funny. He said he doesn't have a fully developed sense of comedy though. Robin said she's not buying it.
Howard said he heard that Robin got into a fight on Twitter last night. Robin said she was just having a conversation about the Roseanne thing. She said someone said they were making a stupid statement about her. She said that the person thought they were wrong and she was talking to that person.
Howard read some of the tweet that set Robin off last night. Howard had the whole thing but he asked who cares and didn't go through it. Howard said he can't believe she's on Twitter arguing with people. Robin said she hates Twitter. She said she was on her way to bed when she got this alert and she got into it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said JD has been doing this for years. He said that JD has told him to fuck off and things like that over the years. He said it gets overlooked because he mumbles it. He said it's so annoying and it happens all the time.
Howard said if JD is on the show having a conversation and he's giving it to him he gets it if he says fuck you. He said he's in front of an audience and people are emoting. He said this was in the privacy of his house. He said all he did was appear on the Letterman show. He said this wasn't on the air. He said on the air is on the air. He said they want people to emote on the air. He said JD is sitting home relaxing and saying this and that's different and something is going on there. He said he feels his resentment.
Howard said a lot of guys there might resent him but they deal with it. He said JD's is starting to leak out. He said he needs to get a reality check and look into it. The caller said there is some resentment there, no doubt about it.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that they relentlessly go after JD on the air. Howard said he just talked about that. The caller said he missed it being on hold. Howard said they're asking people to be real but he finds it interesting that he goes home and tweets that out. The caller said he can be awkward and he understands JD. He said JD is a very awkward guy and it's going to come out.
Howard took another call from a guy who said JD is a big enough dumbass that his joke really was just a joke and he wasn't thinking about the big picture. He said he was just thinking about his Cincinnati Reds. Howard said his theory is that he's just dopey. JD agreed with the caller.
Howard said he has a lot to get to today. He said he has to take a break though. He said he has to talk about Gary the Conqueror and more. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he got an article about Simon Cowell giving up his cell phone. Howard said it's made him happier. Howard said this guy is a no talent with nothing. He said all he revealed is that he gave up his cell phone. He said that's his big revelation. He said he probably has a lot of secrets that would make him interesting. He said he fucked that friend's wife and knocked her up.
Howard said he's probably happy now that he doesn't get angry texts from husbands. Howard read some of the article about Simon giving up his phone. Howard said the guy is such a bullshit artist. He said that's no revelation. He said texting and emailing got him in trouble. He said North Korea hacked Sony and revealed his emails about how he wanted to take his job on America's Got Talent. Howard said that's the one good thing that came out of that hack. He said they learned that Simon wanted to steal his job from under him. He said what a douche.
Howard said Simon owns some of America's Got Talent. He said it's a very small part of it though. He said he could have been a part of it without undermining him. He said fuck that guy and his man titties.
Howard said this woman was born without a vagina and got a fake one made out of fish skin. Howard said he read that one in 5,000 women are born without a vagina. He said the doctor invented a way to give a fake one. He said what an insult to women. He said they made it smell like fish. He said that they made it out of Tilapia fish skin. He said this is in the NY Post so it's a real story.
Howard read the article about the fish skin vagina. He said talk about a not fresh feeling. He said it's funny they made it out of fish skin. He said they wanted it to replicate a vagina and that's how they're doing it. He said there's something to it.
Howard said Simon Cowell is on the phone to yell at him. He took the call from fake Simon who was calling him big nose and other names. Howard spent a couple of minutes with Simon calling him big nose and saying ''fuck you'' over and over. The guys in the back didn't have a lot of clips to choose from.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn wants to yell at Simon too. Howard took her call and Mariann went off on fake Simon. Mariann said that the woman he's with is chunking up just like him. She said that he's also hugging a lot of people on America's Got Talent. Howard said he's Mr. Feelgood all of a sudden. Mariann kept going off on fake Simon. Fake Simon just said ''Fuck you, mate.'' Mariann said that Beth was in a bikini on Instagram. Howard said he took the picture. Mariann said they have to put it up on the web site. Howard let Mariann go a short time later.
Howard said they asked Mariann to record herself and here she is. He had a clip of her reacting to Letterman teasing that he'll be on. In the clip Mariann was yelling about how they did something right over there saving the best for last. She was screaming. Howard said she had already seen this interview because she was in the audience. He said this is before he's even walked out. Mariann screamed when Dave introduced him.
Howard said Mariann almost had a heart attack when he took off his glasses. Howard played another clip. He said she squirted all over the room like a sprinkler.
Howard said Mariann really loves him. He had her on the phone. Mariann said they were very strict there at the theater and she didn't scream out there. She said she didn't want to break the rules. She said that was almost 3 hours long. She said she waited until it came out. Howard said he feels like One Direction with the girls yelling. He said his girl is Mariann. Mariann said he's like the Beatles to them. She said that he has given them so much joy. Howard had to hang up on her.
Howard said imagine if he had sex with her. He said it would be wild. He said she would do everything. He said he would have had a tongue up his ass. Howard said Mariann is a good looking woman too. He said it would be like Fifty Shades of Gray.
Howard played more of Mariann reacting to the interview clips. She was talking about how she has a problem. Howard said at the end of the special she gave him a pep talk. Howard played some of that. She was saying that he's a fucking genius and there's no one like him. She was talking about how he took a leap of faith with Sirius and the adoring fans came with him. She said his fans will go wherever he goes. Howard said it's hard to tell if she's terrified or excited. He had some audio of her screaming that they put to a terrorist attack clip and it sounded the same.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he can imagine her neighbors calling the cops on her when they think she's being stabbed or something. Howard said he thinks she lives in apartment building. Robin said they should get her a house because those people need relief.
Howard said Ronnie was telling him he watched the Letterman thing and he turned it off when he got on the horse. Robin said that was JD's favorite part. Howard said Ronnie said he just turned it off at that point. He said he thinks he was trying to tie in an Anti-Trump message at the end. He said Ronnie doesn't need that secret message.
Howard said the screaming and yelling is something else. Robin said she thinks that Mariann was letting some of it out because she was being recorded. Howard said he doesn't think Nicole Brown yelled that much when OJ was stabbing her. Howard played some of Mariann's screams.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said he thinks this goes on all the time with Mariann. He said she just goes nuts for Howard when she hears his name. Howard said they brought Mariann into the green room to give her something at America's Got Talent and she was like a little kid. He said she got really quiet like she was meeting Jesus. He said he was trying to talk to her and she wasn't able to answer. Ralph said he saw her at the Letterman thing and he was trying to talk to her like a normal person and she was just glazed over. Robin said he's like a drug.
Howard said he heard Ralph isn't taking the lie detector test. He said Fred and Ralph were the only ones not taking it. He said Fred is going to take it now though. Ralph said he failed last time and he's not going to take it again. Ralph said Fred buckled. Fred said he did.
Howard said it's just a question about taking something up your ass. Ralph said ''Fool me once...''
Ralph asked if Mariann is his number 1 fan. Howard said they have Bobo too. Ralph said no. He said he's an idiot. Howard said Bobo writes down questions. Howard said how about Jillian Barberie. Howard said Mariann is the number 1 fan. Ralph said she has pictures of her radio on her Instagram. Howard took another call from Mariann and she was screaming again. Howard asked why she can't talk to him when he sees her in person. Mariann said she's just excited.
Howard said if they were alone would he have power over her. Mariann started screaming and said anything he wants. Mariann was sweating and her heart was pounding. She said she's nervous. Howard asked if they started making out in a room... Mariann said anything for him. Howard said it would be incredible. Mariann said she does cooking and cleaning too. Howard said he doesn't want all of that. Howard asked her if she would put her tongue deep into his asshole. Mariann said no problem. Howard asked about doing it after taking a doody. Mariann said no problem for him.
Howard said she might not be a big fan after that. Mariann said in their next life they're going to be together. She said she has great hands for a hand job. Howard asked if she would swallow his load. Mariann said why not. She said anything for him. Howard said she really loves him.
Robin said this is something that's never going to happen. Mariann said things could change. Howard said maybe if they both become single they could end up in a room. He said he'd have to try it. Mariann said she'd whisper for him. She said she knows that her voice gets to him. Howard asked her to act calm and speak sexy to him. Mariann said she would cook for him and suck and fuck him too.
Mariann said when she hears the phone pick up she goes nuts. She tried to ask Ralph if he freaks out too but she was screaming so much that he didn't get to answer. Howard let her go and then let Ralph go.
Howard said that was tape of Mariann watching the Letterman show. He said he has to take another break. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Gary was just in there coughing on him. He said it was a nasty cough. He asked Gary if he smokes. Gary said he doesn't. Howard said he was completely distracted by that cough. Gary said he didn't spend the whole time coughing. Howard said he was worried about getting sick from that. He said it was a nasty cough.
Robin asked why Gary wouldn't wear a mask to make him feel more comfortable. Howard said that would cover a lot of bases. He played a Gary song parody about his phlegm.
Howard said Wendy got so much attention with her coughing songs and all of that yesterday. He read some of the email about that. He said that the cough isn't good. He said when Wendy coughs on him he doesn't get that pissed but with Gary he does. Robin said she was thinking about that. She wondered if he was recoiling or not.
Howard said someone wrote in about how she may have Gerd. He said if she chokes on it she may not be able to breathe. Howard said someone said there's no way she's 38. He said she's replaced High Pitch Erik on that person's death pool list.
Howard read more email about Wendy and her cough. He played a commercial parody for an album that Wendy is putting out. They had a bunch of songs they had Wendy sing when she was up there.
Howard said during the Wack Pack Conclave Wendy revealed that Gary the Conqueror was messaging her and they were falling in love. Howard played a clip of her talking about that when she was up there.
Howard said they made a slow connection. He said they followed up with Gary about this. He said Shuli called Gary to find out if this was true. Robin said she doesn't think it's true.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Gary about it and Gary said ''yeah right'' when he said they were dating. Gary said she's in Georgia and he's there. He said they're not dating. Shuli asked if he would like to date her. Gary said no way. He said that she's slow and that's why.
Robin said she think that Wendy beat Gary in an IQ test or something. Howard said she may have beaten him in bowling. Howard said no guy wants to be with a woman who is smarter.
Howard said Gary said in her retarded dreams he dates her. Howard said he thinks they speak on the phone. He said maybe he's giving her the wrong impression. He said maybe he's just embarrassed by it.
Howard said they did a whole embedded with Gary in Oregon. He said they sent Wolfie out there for that. He said he'll get into that after this call. He took a call from a guy who said he's a doctor and he said when he heard her coughing he thinks she's aspirating. He said the cough is coming from food not making it into the stomach and going onto the trachea. He said that people like that have a lot of saliva go into their lungs and it can cause pneumonia. He said that some of the food may be going into the lungs as well.
Howard said he would guess that she has to lose weight. The caller said she has to see a speech pathologist and see if she needs a feeding tube. He said that would be a nightmare for her. Howard thanked the guy for the call. The caller said he would talk to her mom about this if she wants to. Howard said he may take him up on that. Robin said he's thinking this is happening all the time. Howard said he would think so. He said she's not just putting it on for radio.
Howard said he thinks her mom has been through the mill with Wendy. He said then she'd have to go talk to Wendy.
Howard said Gary has been with them since August 16, 1998. Howard played a clip of his first call to the show.
Howard said he knew right away he was retarded. Robin said maybe no one told him. Howard had asked Gary if he was retarded and he said no on that first call.
Howard said the must classic moment on the show was when Sal and Richard convinced Gary that the flu was on the phone. Howard said he was terrified. Howard played the call that Sal and Richard made to Gary the Conqueror about the flu and had Gary yelling ''Shoo, shoo retarded flu!''
Howard said Richard and Sal must have felt like geniuses that day. Robin said she loves that he was trying to disguise his voice and it was just too much for him.
Howard said Gary lives alone in Albany, Oregon. He said that he has a caretaker to take him to appointments and stuff. Howard asked Wolfie how often that happens. Wolfie said it's twice a week. Howard said Gary is almost deaf now. He said he doesn't have any teeth either. He said he has cavities in the teeth he has left. Howard said every tooth has a cavity. Wolfie said they're worn down black stumps now.
Howard said Wolfie says that his apartment is really hot. Wolfie said he keeps it so warm that you sweat as soon as you walk in. He said it was during the winter and it was like a tropical rain forest. He said Gary just likes it hot. Howard said there was a brown puddle under his refrigerator. Wolfie said it works but it must leak and he hadn't cleaned it up. He said it has to be a health hazard.
Howard said he lives on TV dinners and he smells like body odor. Wolfie said he saw him smoking and he claims he doesn't smoke.
Howard said he has some clips to play. He had a clip of Wolfie asking about the red stains in his bed. Gary has sores on his body and they bleed. Gary said he's scratching himself all the time. He doesn't know why. He said it's just nerves.
Howard said it's sad that if Sal and Richard were there they would have convinced him he was turning into a woman and he was having his period. He asked Wolfie what's going on with him. Wolfie said the apartment is so hot and dry. He said that may have been a factor. He said he's covered in cuts and scratches from head to toe.
Howard played another clip where Wolfie asked Gary what was on his bathroom wall. There were stains. Gary said it's pee stains. He denied peeing on the wall at first but then he said he did it. Howard said it's like Trump saying he read the Kim Jong Un letter and 10 minutes later saying he didn't read it yet.
Howard asked if they were expecting the bathroom to be spic and span. Wolfie said it's like a 2 year old peeing and you can tell it's all dry and crusty on the wall. Robin asked if it smells. Wolfie asked what she thinks.
Howard said Gary sits home listening to the Oldies station on Sirius. He played a clip of Wolfie asking him to sing a song. Gary played a song and sang along with it. Howard said this is a game show he's going to do. Slow Adult Karaoke. He said it'll be huge. He played more of Gary singing some oldies.
Howard said he thinks that Gary has reached a level of happiness that he'd love to have. He said the slow adults don't have any worries. Robin said the few thoughts he has do cause him anxiety though.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking Gary what his favorite TV shows are. Gary said he likes Family Feud and Andy Griffith. He said that those are the only two he watches. Howard asked what's going on there. He told him to teach him how to change the channel. Wolfie said he can't change them on the radio or on the TV. He said he does know how to do stuff but not chance channels. He said his Sirius was locked on to that channel and then he asked to listen to Elvis. He said he's not sure he even listens to Howard. Wolfie said he watches the same old shows because he can't change the channel. He said he doesn't think he absorbs any of it either. He wasn't able to name any of the characters on the shows he watches.
Howard said Gary listens to the police scanner all day too. He played a clip of Gary telling Wolfie about that. He told him what he hears on the scanner. Howard said he's not sure why people are even allowed to listen to that stuff.
Howard said Gary is friendly with his neighbor and she has a dog he feeds chocolate. He said dogs aren't supposed to eat chocolate. Howard played a clip of Wolfie telling Gary it's poisonous to dogs. Gary didn't seem to get that.
Howard asked Robin if she wants to hear more. Robin said she wants to know what he does when he gets up. Howard had a clip of Gary telling Wolfie about his job at Burgerville. He cleans the parking lot there. He does some work inside too. He cleans up the garbage cans and stuff like that. Howard asked why Jeff the Drunk can't work at a place like that. Wolfie said Gary is very proud of his work. He said not all of the Wack Pack do that much.
Howard asked if there are people who work under Gary. Wolfie said he said he has been told to go out during the rain and he doesn't like that. He said he's not sure he has anyone under him.
Howard said he thinks the Wack Pack could take a lesson from him. Howard played a clip of Gary talking about how he would like a janitorial job. He said the other Wack Packers should go out and make some money. He called them ''stupid retards.'' Wolfie asked about Wendy. Gary said she's a lazy bitch. Howard said Sean Hannity just booked Gary on his show tonight. Robin said he's very angry. Howard said at least he didn't use the C-word.
Howard said Gary has a long standing feud with Wendy. He said one time they had them up there for a rank out contest. He played a clip from that day. Gary and Wendy were throwing lines at each other that were obviously being fed to them from the back office.
Howard said Wolfie went out to the local bowling alley and that's Gary's favorite thing to do. He said even there he was trashing Wendy the Slow Adult. In the clip Gary was talking about her wearing a diaper and things like that. Wolfie said he was shocked to hear they talk a lot when Wendy said that. Howard said Gary doesn't even keep score at the bowling alley.
Howard said that Gary hates Richard Christy because he does a lot of prank calls. He said he thinks people prank him as Richard so he gets upset about that. Howard played a clip of Wolfie telling Gary Richard had a kid. Gary didn't believe it. He said he thinks Richard is gay. He called Richard a retard too. Howard asked what it is with him calling people retards. He said maybe he was called that all his life so he does the same thing.
Howard said they went to a grocery store and Gary just wanted to buy soda. He told Wolfie that he wanted diet Pepsi because it doesn't have a lot of caffeine in it. Wolfie told him it doesn't have sugar in it.
Howard said Wolfie gave Gary 20 bucks to buy whatever he wanted and he spent it all on soda. Wolfie said his freezer is packed with TV dinners. Howard said it's TV dinners and soda. He said it's like his health food.
Howard said Gary coughs a lot so they put together a montage. Howard played a few seconds and said he can't get through it. He said that was a slice of Gary's life. Robin asked how he gets around. Wolfie said he goes in early to do an early shift to work. Howard said anyone who lives out there should go to support Burgerville since they employ the guy. Howard let Wolfie go a short time later. He said he has James Corden there so he has to get to him. Howard said he's going to take a break, pee and then talk to James. He said he's everywhere lately. Robin said he's a media darling. Howard said he's the opposite of whatever he is. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has James Corden there. He said he hasn't seen him for a few years. He said they saw him when he started his late night show. Howard said he looks like he lost some weight. Robin said he was at the Royal Wedding. James said he's not thin. He said that's never the word for him. Howard said he thinks that James is one of those people who actually enjoys life. James asked what's not to enjoy. He said he's excited to be there.
Howard said he wishes he could be like him. He said James showed up early and he went out to take pictures with the 5th graders who were out in the lobby earlier. He said he'd never do that. He said he doesn't want anyone to bother him. Howard asked what happened out there. James said they were all waving through a window. He said he went to say hi and they were all really nice. Howard asked if criticism bothers him. James said of course it does. He said it stings for a while. He said then you realize it's all pretty irrelevant. Howard said he went out there once and 5th graders threw rocks at him. James said that's just not true.
Howard said he wants to understand his schedule. He said he's constantly stressed and exhausted. He said he knows it's mental. Howard said James taped two shows yesterday and then he flew to New York. He said then he does this interview and then he has an Oceans 8 premiere tonight. He said as soon as that's done he's flying back to Los Angeles. James said he tapes on Wednesday and Thursday and then he's going to London. He said they're taping something there for going to London with the show. He said he's going to do the same thing next week. Then he'll be with his family.
Howard said late night TV is a young person's game. James said he's 39. He said they shoot a lot of stuff though. He said there are easier ways to do a show. He said they do a variety show every night. Howard said that's why they get a lot of hits on social media. He said people want to see all of that stuff. James said he's good at doing those things so he takes advantage of that. He said that's where he most creatively fertile.
Howard said Les Moonves saw him in a play and he knew he was going to be his next late night host. He said he didn't hear him doing a broadcast. James said people will say 4 shows a week are tough but 8 shows a week on Broadway is really tough. James said they did like 492 shows in 20 months on Broadway. Howard asked if he knew Les was in the audience that night. James said he had no idea. Howard said Les went to see him and he was already a big deal in England. James said he didn't know how magnificent his track history was. He said he owes Les everything. He said he owes it to his vision.
Howard asked if he turned down that gig at first. James said he did. He said he turned it down a few times. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to do that. Howard said that turns Les on like nothing else. He said he played hard to get. James said it works for everyone. Howard asked why he turned it down. James said he didn't think he wanted to do that. He said he was writing a series for HBO and he was going to do another show for Broadway. He said he never thought about being a talk show host.
Howard asked if it gives him nightmares thinking he almost turned it down. James said yes. He said he (Les) also made a terrible financial offer. He said he didn't know at all. He said his agent told him it was real insulting. Howard said he could have ended up in a tenement. James said even Les would say it was too low.
James said that Les also gave them the freedom to do the show they do. Howard said if the show didn't work out and he was ruined by the whole thing then he really has no money. He said they can really ruin you.
Howard said that's some exhausting schedule he has. Howard asked if he ever crashes. James said not really. James said he doesn't drink a lot. He said that's part of it. Howard said when Andy was there he said something about him being drunk at the Met Gala. James said he wasn't though. He said he was just having a nice time and people mistake that as being drunk. He said he and his wife were together for the first time in like 3 months. He said they left the kids at home that night and it was inconceivable to him that he had that much freedom that night. Howard said he's burning the candle at both ends. James said everyone is tired. He said that his cousin is a kitchen fitter and he's tired. He said he thinks that being tired is a privilege. He said it blows his mind that this is even happening. He said if he's lucky enough to be in this industry in 10-15 years time he may have done something wrong. Howard said he thinks back to his 30s when he had all of this kind of stuff going on. James said that's the way he sees it.
Howard said James is hosting this show and he had never even appeared as a guest on a talk show. He said it wasn't part of his life. Howard said everything is about the show now. Howard asked how long he's been on. James said it's 3 years and a month. Howard asked if he'd like to keep going with it. James said he does want to keep going with it. He said he is contracted to do it but he'd like to continue with it after that.
Howard asked if he's a hero over in England because they gave him some award. James said he was named Officer of the British Empire. He said that was very nice. He said he went to a school that was awful. He said that he wasn't poor growing up but no one was betting on anyone getting anywhere from that school. He said for his mom and dad to go to Buckingham Palace that was something. He said they made unbelievable sacrifices for him growing up. He said that was the nicest thing about that.
Howard said it must be a rush. He said that it's a high honor. James said it's not the highest though. He said Benedict Cumberbatch has a higher honor. Howard said it's almost like a Kennedy Center Honor here. James said that's right. He said there are people who have done things for charities and it's a room full of people who have done great things. Howard said you're meeting people of great accomplishment.
Howard said he saw him at the Royal Wedding. Howard asked how he got in on that. He asked if Prince Harry has been on his show. James said no. He said he doesn't think that's something that any member of the Royal family would do. He said he thinks they have to protect the very thing they've got. He said they can't become celebrities. He said that he's very fond of Harry. He said they met maybe 8 or 9 years ago. He said they'd go out in the same spots in London. Howard asked if they were bars. James said yes. Howard asked if Harry has to be with secret service types. James said he does but you don't know they're there.
Howard asked if there are bars that you go to when you're famous in London. James said yes and it's the same thing as in New York. Howard said he would think it would be fun to be friends with the royal family. Howard asked if he has to seduce him like a woman. James laughed. He said he doesn't really remember. He said he will say that he is an incredibly bright and interesting guy. He said he thinks he has real plans for things he wants to do to change stuff. He said he finds it impressive. Howard said he likes his wife. He said she's hot. He asked James if he told his wife she has to be friendly to her so they can keep this thing going. James said it's not like that at all.
Howard asked James about the wedding and what goes on there. James said he's kind of nervous to talk about the after party he went to. Howard said he wore some cheerleader outfit or something. James said he didn't wear that for the whole thing. He said he did a 10 minute bit dressed as a mock tutor Henry the VIII. Howard asked if he did a dance off. James said there was no dance off. He said he's not sure where that came from. He said there was no beer pong there either. James said that there were millions of people around the world watching this wedding but at the center of it was two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. He said that's why he isn't going to talk about it.
Howard said that the fact that Harry fell in love and is marrying shows that he must be pretty healthy mentally. James said he thinks that he's a forward thinking person who doesn't do things by halfs.
Howard asked what the hang is like with that guy. He asked what they do to hang to get to know one another. James said he's not comfortable talking about that. He said that he doesn't want to bring that stuff up. Howard said he could never hang with royalty. He said he's not going to call him Prince Harry. He said he'd just call him Harry. He said he's not good at the hang. James said he thinks Howard would be great at the hang in the right circumstances for the right amount of time.
Howard said he's genuinely trying to figure out life. He said he doesn't understand how to hang with people. James said he can tell him. He said he thinks the trick is to understand that the only thing that exists is this moment right now. He said nothing else exists. He said Howard is probably thinking about other things and the future. He said all of that is ahead of you. He said that if you just think about the right now and be the best person you are right now then your life will be one of joy. Howard said he hears what he's saying. He said he was at a dinner recently with someone famous. He said there was silence and he had to break that silence. He said he feels pressure. He said he has to keep the conversation going. He said it's like work so if he's with a prince he's going to worry about eating his soup. James said he thinks everyone worries like that.
Howard said if he's in a room with a prince what does he do? he said he doesn't understand what it's like being famous. James asked who he was out to dinner with. Howard said it was Jerry Seinfeld. He said he didn't want Jerry to be uncomfortable. James said he'd bet Jerry was thinking the same thing. Howard said life is too rough. James said that the two of them were spinning out.
Howard asked if he splits the bill with Harry. James said they've never had to do that. He said it's not an issue. Howard said it has to be an issue. James asked who gets the bill with him and Jerry. Howard said they take turns. James said it's the same thing with them. James said he'd be more nervous going to dinner with Jerry Seinfeld. He said when he's with someone who is that funny he finds his chest tighten. He said he's not going to try to say something funny ever.
Howard said what surprises him about his show is when he has two guests on he has to turn to one of them and ask a question but there's someone else there that he's ignoring. He said he'd worry about leaving them out of the conversation. James said it does make for a harder interview in one sense. He said it can be freeing too. He said the conversation can go anywhere. James said if someone else was there chipping in the conversation would go in another direction.
Howard asked James about a bit he does where they have disgusting food to eat and they can eat it or answer a question. Howard said James has played the game and he has refused to answer questions. He asked what makes a bad guest since he didn't answer that on his show. James said it wasn't that they were bad on the show but they might be late or rude or something like that. He said that's what makes for a bad guest.
Howard said James says he stole a candle from Mariah Carrey's house. James said he did but he told her he was taking it. He said they did a Carpool karaoke thing. Howard said she was the first one to do that bit. James said she was and they owe her a lot. He said that George Michael did a similar bit and she said she would do it if it was good enough for George. James said they were going to shoot at her house and he got there around 4 and at 6:30 he was still in the living room of her house. He said that this was a long amount of time to sit in someone's house. She said 20 minutes later she came down. He said she had these candles with her name on them. He said he took one and told her in the car. He said it's still in his living room.
Howard said his Carpool Karaoke thing has taken off. He asked if it's still fun to do because everyone knows what it is. James said now they do but they'll give more time and be more open to things. He said they're going to shoot one on Sunday and he can't say what it is. He said he's more excited about this than anyone else. Howard said it's Paul McCartney. James said he's not saying. Howard asked if it's Mick Jagger. James said he'll tell him later. Howard asked if it's McCartney. James said it's not what he thinks it is. Howard said he knows it's Roseanne Barr. James laughed.
Howard asked if he would have Roseanne on the show to ask her about what's going on with her. James said he's not sure that's the right environment for that. Howard said he would love to have her on this show. James said she would be amazing on this show. He said you don't want to talk to her and have to say ''Stick around, we'll be right back after this...''
Howard said he never thinks of James as the controversial guy. He said he did some Harvey Weinstein jokes and they weren't crazy but he caught tons of shit for that. James said it was a strange time. He said he was kind of shocked. Howard asked where he was. James said for about a week before that he and other late night hosts were being told they were liberal elites because they weren't talking about this. He said he was hosting an event honoring Julia Roberts for AMFAR and they were in the center of liberal elites. He said he figured he had to say something. he said it wasn't televised at all. He said that someone filmed it on their phone. He said he was making jokes at his expense and he never thought he was going to be accused of punching down. He said it was maybe too raw and too soon to do such a thing. He said he's seen jokes since that are similar tone. He said he was upset that people would think that he was telling a joke at the expense of a victim. He said it was a strange weekend for sure.
Howard said he went on the air on Letterman's show after OJ was accused of killing his wife and he was joking. He said Dave got upset about it. He said later on they were all joking about it.
James said that there is a strange thing about being offended and everyone has that right to be offended but you have the right to be offended too. He said it's a strange time.
Howard said people are looking to James just to tell him they're offended. James said you have that right but that's all it is. Howard said he must have lost sleep over it. James said he felt disappointed in himself because people thought he was making light of these victims.
Howard said there was some guy who hired James to do a private Carpool Karaoke. Howard said some rich guy hired him to do this. He said he's seen rich guys do that with performers. Howard said he watched Elton John do a full concert in a living room. Howard said someone hired James to do this at a private party. James said it was someone who wanted to film one. He said they were going to play it at a big 65th birthday. Howard asked if the guy was famous. James said no. James said they were going to record it and play it at this party. Howard asked if it was a hard decision. James said no. He said it was a private thing so it wasn't hard to decide. He said that he got on with the guy and it was fun. Howard asked if it's a million bucks. James said Howard doesn't know what money is like. He said that he's not going to tell him what it was but it wasn't a million. Howard asked who set it up for him. James said he may have done that himself. He said it was fun and he really enjoyed it. Howard said it has to be substantial money. James said he's not going to tell him that.
Howard asked if the network has to know about that. James said he hopes not. He said it's nowhere near the figures Howard is thinking.
Howard asked about Bryan Adams who was on his show. He said maybe he was the worst guest. James said not at all. He said that he gets why he was upset about what happened. He said they were doing a special where they were going to have 1980s singers on the show to celebrate Back to the Future 25th anniversary. He said that Bryan may not have known what they were going to do. He said he may have thought he was going to do a Carpool Karaoke. He said Bryan came and saw the list and left. He said he didn't even see him. He said he just walked out. He said he kind of respects him for that. He said he didn't even say he was sorry, he just left.
Howard said he's fascinated by his life. He said he goes to these Anna Wintour parties. James said she has been a huge supporter of his in America. He said that she saw the play he did in New York and from that moment on she has championed him in a way that he'll forever be grateful for. Howard asked if she invites him to parties. Howard asked what they're like. James said some of them are dinners. Howard asked if everything is fancy and if there are never hot dogs there. James said there are never hot dogs. Howard asked how many people are there. James said he doesn't know. He said sometimes it's 15-20. Howard asked if he has to perform. James said not at all. He said it's just a dinner.
Howard said it's fantastic what's going on with him. Howard said he's on The Late, Late Show with James Corden on CBS at 12:37am. He said that's a fucking crazy time. He said that they get the viewers online when they post clips. James said that's the world now. He said you used to have to choose a host and stick with him but not now. He said now you can watch everything and anyone you want to see. James said that's the best part of doing a show at this time.
Howard asked about doing Oceans 8 and how he got that. James told Howard about the movie and how it's a retelling of the whole thing. He said this is a group of women who do a heist. Howard asked if he had to audition for this. James said not for this one. Howard asked what Anne Hathaway is like. James said she's adorable. He said he's barely in the movie. He said he just turns up at the end. Howard asked why he's going to the premieres then. James said he's just going to one. Howard asked if he has any love scenes. James said no and he'd hate to see him in that. He said he can't even stand to see himself in the mirror.
Howard said he must hold his own in the movie. He asked if he takes direction from the director. James said he takes all of the advice he can get. Howard said it's a home run with him. He said only in America.
Howard asked why he hasn't become an American. James said that England is his home. He said that's where his family is. Howard asked if he will ever become a citizen. James said he hasn't thought about it. He said he has an American daughter now. He said they travel with 4 British passports and one American. He said he does feel some sense of responsibility to be able to travel freely.
Howard asked James who he would fight for if the U.S. and England went to war. James said he'd fight for peace. He said he'd always fight for peace.
James said that growing up there seemed to be this optimistic outlook from America. He said things are changing and not even just in America. He said that he hopes that they don't lose it here. Howard asked if he ever talks about politics on his show. James said they do it in their own way on the show. He said when Trump was talking about this ban on Transgender people they did bring it up and they sang a song to a Nat King Cole song. He said they tried to have a bold statement on the show. He said that they just want to have a feast for your eyes and ears on the show.
Howard said he was thinking about how he didn't answer about which country he likes better, America or England. James said he doesn't think ''best'' exists in anything but the runner over 100 meters. He said that he used to dream about going on vacation in America and how he lives here. He said he's so lucky to be there. James said that he couldn't be happier. He said at the same time in Britain he misses people who are getting older over there. He said he doesn't want to look back wishing that he could have spent more time with them. Howard said he has 3 kids now and something has to break. James said he's not working that hard.
Howard asked if his wife stays home with the kids. James said she has an interior design firm. He said they have a nanny. James said he has a day where he can bring one kid to school and pick the other one up after. Howard said he hopes he has a regular nanny and not one he'll cheat with. James said that he'll never read about that happening.
Howard said James has it going on. He said he's in this new movie Oceans 8. He said that he's a delightful man. He said he has 3 kids and a wife. Howard said everyone wants to know if he'll crack. James laughed. Howard asked how many drinks he had the night of the Met Gala. James said he had 3. He said they were Vodka, Lime Sodas. He said that's what he likes.
Howard said James has made it there. He said he was looking at pictures of his wife and she's hot. Howard said James has made it after coming over on a boat. He said he's in a late night battle and it's cut throat. He said James says it's not but it is. He said they watch Seth Meyers and try to undermine his success. Howard asked if that's how it goes. James said he really doesn't consider himself in that sort of thing. He said he really enjoys every time he's in the company of any of those guys. He said there is no battle there. He said they're all just doing their shows. He said Kimmel is the nicest guy to be with. He said he goes to dinner with him and it's great. Howard said he has seen him throw darts at pictures of him. James said no way.
Howard asked what Les sent to him when his baby was born. James said it was a very nice basket of things for the baby. Howard asked if he socializes with Les and his wife. James said of course. Howard said he was in a department store with Les once and their wives were trying on clothes and giving them a fashion show.
Howard said it was great to see James. He gave him some more plugs and told him not to be a stranger. He said he's exceeding in ways that even American's can't in this country. He said he's like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
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Howard said James Corden was really nice. He said that Gary thinks he got at least $250,000 to do the Carpool Karaoke thing. Robin asked what Gary knows about that. Gary said it was just an opinion. He went off on her for questioning him about that.
Robin said she knows Ed Torian is there for the lie detector tests. Howard said he knows he never put anything in his ass. He said even Fred will be taking it today. Robin said he's talking himself into this whole thing. Fred said he knows he'll fail. He said he's had one before. Robin said she did fine with her test. Fred said that liars are very good at lie detector tests.
Howard said he was reading about Apple doing something with Emojis. Robin said they're Animojis. Howard said they've done that already. Robin said they're going to do more. Howard said they're getting close to being convenient. He said he'd love to go forward 100 years just to see what they're doing.
Jon Hein came in and said they're going to have real faces as Emojis. Howard said he'd love to have a hologram like in Star Wars.
Howard said Google has a better Siri than Apple does. He said they're able to have theirs call and make an appointment for you. Howard said he loves that.
Howard asked Jon about the new Facetime and what he thinks about that. Jon likes the idea of being able to have more than one person. He said he uses it a lot already. He said they have a lot of bugs in the OS to work out though. Howard asked if Google is better than Apple. Jon said he's not sure if it's better. He said there are things that they should have been better at like the Alexa thing. He said he thinks that they've lost some of their vision since Steve Jobs died.
Howard said there was some tech that Google has but they won't share it with the military because it would make drones better. He said they should share it with our military. He said come on.
Howard said if Google has something that can make them mightier then they should do it. Robin said people were complaining about Amazon working with the military on facial recognition. Robin asked Howard why he wants to kill people with this stuff. She said we should want peace. Howard said he doesn't have that answer.
Howard said he thinks the military should have that tech. Robin said she can see it leading to lots of problems.
Howard said AI is never going to be able to take over the human race. He said we have the off switch. He said that's it. Robin said that the machines can trick us into taking off the limiters. Howard said go see the movie ''Upgrade'' because it's about that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said they're really not giving anything new in their phones. He said they add some new features that were already available in apps. He said that he thinks Siri sucks. He said she's like retarded. He said she never gets anything right. He said he uses Google and it works better. He said Apple dropped the ball with the Alexa thing too. He said Apple should have had that. Jon said it's amazing voice technology. Howard said this guy Bezos is a genius. Ralph said it gets better and better every day too. He said she talks to you and he loves her. Howard said he's glad to see he has a girlfriend.
Ralph said the Apple Home Pod isn't as good as Alexa. He said you can get that for 30 bucks and Apple is like 500. Howard let him go after that.
Howard asked Jon what else is in the new OS. Jon said it's all about the Emojis. Howard said Robin uses them. Robin said so does Howard. Howard said he was shocked when he saw Robin doing that. Robin said it does save you time. She said you can just hit the Emojis instead of a bunch of letters. Howard said Robin gave him a thumbs up. He said he's thinking about using that. Robin said she uses a bunch of them. Howard said he thinks he got a smiley face from her.
Howard had some audio of Lenny from his Embedded last year. It was a clip of Lenny going off on Uber drivers. Gary said Lenny lived in a pool house and he wanted the driver to come to the back alley where he could get to the driver. Howard played a clip of Lenny hitting on Robin after the arrest. Howard said those charges are not light charges so he'd be worried. Robin said he was right there with the love talk. Howard asked if she'd give a conjugal visit. Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard had some audio of Lenny talking about women while a train was coming into the station he was at. Howard said Lenny posted a video where he talked about being out in a deli and he saw a beautiful woman so he started talking to her. He ended up in her penthouse apartment. Howard had a bunch of clips that he was playing. Howard said he was a great ball player. He said he knows he wants to come in for Robin's birthday. He said he wants to smash her booth with a baseball bat too. He said hopefully he gets permission.
Robin read a story about a man who is suing CVS because they told his wife he had a prescription for Viagra. Robin said he claims that led to a breakdown of the marriage. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he has the Sirius cleaning lady who is apparently in love with Robin. He took the call and someone from the back office was doing the voice of the cleaning lady talking about Robin.
Robin read a story about Michigan State University getting some bad press this year after Larry Nasser was accused of molesting the U.S. Gymnastics team. Robin said now they say that a physicist is accused of penetrating a basset hound with his hand and penis. Robin said that's what they're saying. She said he was arrested after an investigation. Howard asked how a guy gets caught. He said if he had to finger and fuck a dog, how do they catch on. Robin said they did point out that it didn't happen on university property or to a university animal. Howard said he thinks that if he was that nuts he could get away with that one crime. Robin said she doesn't have any of those details. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing a dog bark and the dog was accusing Fred of molesting him.
Robin read a story about Bill Clinton being out on a book tour and he's talking about the #MeToo movement. Robin said people are getting a hold of him and asking about that. Robin said Monica Lewinsky's name came up. Howard said this is interesting to him. Robin had a clip for Howard to play. In the clip Clinton was asked about something Lewinsky said and if he thinks differently. Bill said he felt guilty even back then. The interviewer asked if he apologized to her. Clinton said ''No, yes...'' Howard ended up doing his Bill Clinton voice for a short time. He said he thinks he was a fantastic president but a flawed man. He said he's not sure there was a better president than Clinton in his lifetime. He said he was on it when he was on the job. Robin had more clips for Howard to play. She had a clip of Clinton saying he never apologized to Monica in person but he did publicly. Robin said he also claims he left the White House $16 million in debt. Howard was still doing his Clinton voice and talking about Monica and what happened there.
Howard asked Robin if Clinton should apologize to Monica. Robin said yes. Howard said he did ruin her life. He said he should apologize. Howard kept going with his Clinton voice talking about Hillary and Monica.
Robin read a story about Woody Allen claiming he roots for women who have come forward in the #MeToo movement. Howard was still doing the Clinton voice talking about apologizing to Monica Lewinsky. Robin said that Woody thinks it's wrong to lump him in with the others since he was only accused by one woman and others have been accused by hundreds. Howard had Wood Yi on the phone saying he was organizing the Million Creep March. Howard spent a couple of minutes with those clips.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Fallon showing up at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas' graduation. Robin had some audio of Fallon speaking at the graduation.
Robin said there was a deputy who was assigned to that school and he was criticized for not taking the shooter down. Robin said that school officer spoke to The Today Show this week. Robin had some audio of him speaking about how he had no time to get into that school at the time. Robin said things were happening so fast he wasn't aware of what was needed.
Robin read a story about the Supreme Court ruling that a baker was in his right to deny a gay couple a wedding cake. Howard asked how that's going to work. Robin said the experts are weighing in and they say it has limited reach. Robin said you can't deny services at any time. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard and Robin spent a little time talking about that.
Robin read a story about Paul Manafort being accused of trying to influence people in the case against him. Robin had some audio of a news report about him.
Robin read a story about Melania Trump resurfacing for the first time in 3 weeks. Robin said she was at a White House event and swept away the stories about her.
Robin read a story about Sara Gilbert sharing her feelings about Roseanne being canceled. She said she stands behind the decision ABC made. She had some audio of Sara for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Gretchen Carlson being the new president of the Miss America pageant now. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what the changes will be. They said they're no longer a pageant, they are a competition. He said they won't be judging people by their looks. Howard said Gretchen is the fun police. He said Trump might have to step in on this. He said it's a beauty pageant. Robin said they're also doing away with the bathing suit and evening gown competitions. Howard talked about how the judges are not going to be allowed to look at the contestants. He was acting as Gretchen telling Robin all of these changes.
Robin read a story about Sarah Huckabee Sanders side stepping questions about Donald Trump Jr. having a meeting with a Russian lawyer in Trump Tower in 2016. Robin said that Sanders was telling the press to contact the President's attorneys for more information. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard said she must love that job because she's being put into a very awkward position. He said she said something and now it's being contradicted by Trump's lawyers. Howard did his impression of her for a short time.
Robin read a story about how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are bringing more black voters to Trump's side. Robin said she doesn't think that Trump even knows why Kim visited the White House. Howard said he thinks that Trump said Kim has a bad body. He asked Gary if that's right. Gary said it was the last time he was on when he said her ass was too big. Howard said he wishes he would come back on the show. Robin had some cuts from Kanye West's new album for Howard to play. Howard asked Jason what he thinks about this new album. Jason said it's alright but not his best work. Howard spent a little time talking to Jason about that. Howard asked if Kim is his Yoko. Jason said no. He said he's put out two good albums since he's been with her.
Robin read a story about a French man who is making a swim across the world's biggest ocean. Howard had Fred do his French voice. Robin said the guy is going to try to swim 5,600 miles to San Francisco from Tokyo. Robin said that he plans to swim about 8 hours a day. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show with a bunch of ''Hey now!'' and other things. Robin even gave a ''Hey now!'' She said that's the first time she's done that.
Howard said he was going to start with yesterday's lie detector test. He said they'll have that on the new app. Robin said there was a lot of commotion in the hall. Howard said he was watching Fred's test and he was nervous. Fred said he was also laughing. He said that's not good for the test. Howard said Ed has a funny voice so that's why he's funny.
Howard said all the men there too lie detector tests. He said he thought it was weird that Ronnie takes stuff up his ass and he said he thinks that a lot of the guys have. He said yesterday Ed Torian came up to give the tests. He said all of the guys took the tests and they will get the results in about a week.
Robin asked how many guys took the test. Howard asked Jason how many here were. Jason came in and said there were about 16. Howard said Ed had to take lunch during the day. He said he had to come back to give the rest of the tests.
Howard said it's funny to hear Ed doing his thing. Jason said Ed trips over his words a lot. Howard said Benjy was the biggest pain in the ass. Jason said he will question stuff endlessly. He said he can't just answer a question. He said it was a lot of stuff. He said you know Benjy and it's all shtick.
Howard said Ed said just answer yes or no. He said in the second question he did feel he had to answer in a long way. Howard said he did answer yes to the question about someone putting something in his ass. He said it was a woman who tried to get a pinkie in his ass. He clenched up though.
Jason said there was a question about if they want to take something up their ass. He didn't remember who it was who said yes.
Howard said the test question was ''Is your first name Howard?'' he said JD's first name isn't JD because it's Jamie. Howard said there were five guys who had trouble with that. Fred said he gets such shit about his name that he was second guessing it. Fred said that he wasn't sure if he should say Eric or Fred. Howard said Fred failed it after the first question. Jason said Ed pulled him aside yesterday and said that someone lied about their first name.
Howard said he didn't know Richard's first name isn't Richard. He said he has the dumbest stuff going on in his life. He said his name isn't Richard. He said he talks so slow. He said he's not sure if they can give out his name. Jason said he thinks he can. He said his first name is actually Thomas.
Richard came in and said that his name is Thomas Richard Christy Jr. He said his dad goes by Tom so he goes by Richard. Howard asked why his parents would name him that and go by Richard. Richard said he never asked them. Robin said he could have been Richard Thomas. Howard said he was born Thomas but called him Richard. Richard said yes. Howard said that boggles the mind. Richard said that's his dad's name and he's carrying on the name. Howard said he's Richard and he's not carrying on the name. Richard said he's never thought of it before.
Howard said Richard wasn't the only weirdo. He said Memet's name isn't Memet. He said he's not sure if he wants it mentioned. Memet came in and said it's the same thing as Richard. He said it's stupid. Howard asked what his name is. Memet said it's Adrian. He said his parents did the same thing as Richard's did. He said they called him by his middle name. He said his teachers used to call him by his firs name but he'd tell them he goes by Memet. Howard said he should change his name to Johnny. Memet said he's fine with that. Howard said he's calling him Johnny from now on. Memet said that's something you can remember. Howard said he's calling him Johnny Walker Black. Memet said that's great.
Memet said the lie detector test makes you very nervous. Howard said he took one over the Jessica Hahn thing and he passed it but he was nervous. He said he was married and he had to worry. He said the silliness of this one just made him laugh. He said he can't wait to put it on the TV show. Jason said it was just Howard and Ed in there and it was quiet in there. He said they had special lighting for the test and all of that. Jason said they had a close up of Benjy and he was just sweating.
Howard said he heard Jason wasn't able to get the strap around his stomach. Jason said he was asking if he has an extender. He said he had one that was longer and used that instead.
Howard said the lie detector test results will be in soon. Jason said it might be a couple of weeks. He said they're going to figure it all out and get to the bottom of it. Howard thanked Jason and ''Johnny'' for coming in. Howard said he can't change his name to Johnny. He said he's going to stay Memet. He said they've already invested in that brand.
Robin asked if there was some controversy on The Bachelorette. Howard said there was with one of the guys who had dated one of her friends. Howard played a bit about his Bachelorette watching.
Howard said Mandy Moore is coming in today. He said he's in love with her. He said he loves the show she's on. He didn't remember the name. Robin told him it's ''This is Us.'' Howard said he just watches the show. He said he doesn't remember the name.
Howard said he didn't know how good she was until he saw her on the show. Howard said before that show she was just about out of show business. Robin asked what she would do. Howard said he doesn't know but he'll ask her about that today. He said he's not sure what he would do. Robin said Howard told her they had to make this work because he didn't know what else he would do. Howard said he was a great dish washer.
Howard said Mandy is engaged to the lead singer of a band called Dawes. Howard said they did a song for their David Bowie special. He played some of that cover. Howard said the guy's name is Taylor Goldsmith.
Howard said he gets why she'd be with another musician. He said they can sit around writing songs together. He kept playing the Dawes cover and asked what happened to music. He said this stuff was so amazing when Bowie wrote that. He said music seems to suck these days. Robin said his father probably said the same thing about Jazz. Howard said his dad didn't know anything about music. He said he would say that he didn't know anything and that was holding him back.
Howard said Amy is a super big U2 fan so she was willing to do some stuff like suck Benjy's taint hair. Amy said she actually said she would fuck Benjy for the tickets. Howard said they had to find disgusting things for her to do. Gary said she would do a lot of stuff with Benjy. Howard said she's a real U2 fan.
Howard said there's also a $500 prize from Tommy John if she wins this. He said they have a big gift set to give her if she wins.
Howard said here's the problem. He said he's going to play Asian Pete singing a U2 song and she has to guess what it is. Howard said the test question is pretty easy. He played a clip of Pete singing a U2 song. Howard said this is just a test. In the clip Pete was singing something but Amy said ''Jesus, Pete... come on.'' Howard said this game is almost impossible. Howard told Amy this is an easy one. Amy said she got it. She said it's ''Pride (In the Name of Love).'' Howard played the song and she was right.
Howard said Pete kept falling asleep in the studio while they were recording this. He said they had to keep waking him up.
Howard asked if they should do 3 out of 5 or just one. Robin said they have to make it a contest. She went with 3 out of 5. Howard said that's not so hard. He laughed after saying that. Howard played the first one and Pete sang something that was supposed to be a U2 song. Amy guessed it was ''Beautiful Day'' and she was right. Howard played the song with Pete singing along to it.
Howard said he smells tickets. He said that maybe she'll do this. He said he has another song for her. He played Pete singing something. Howard laughed. He said he'll play it again. He said that's fucking awesome. He played it three times and laughed each time. Amy said she's going to say it's ''With Or Without You.'' Howard played the song and it was actually ''Desire.''
Howard said Pete was talking in his sleep so they're not even sure if that's Desire. Howard said she has one right and one wrong. He played another one for Amy. Pete let out some sounds that didn't sound like words. Howard said he did say the name of the title in there. Amy didn't get it apparently. Howard replayed it for her. Howard said he gave her the answer. Amy asked what the fuck he's saying. Howard replayed it again and told her where he was saying the title. It was mumbling though. Fred said he heard ''Tortured Vain.'' Howard asked Amy what it is. She asked if he can give an album. Howard said he's not sure what album it is. Fred said it's the opening cut on a very important album. Howard said they should call Pete and have him tell her what it is. Amy guessed it was ''Sunday Bloody Sunday.'' It was actually ''Where the Streets Have No Name.''
Howard said Amy has to get the next one right. He played the clip of Pete mumbling. Amy said she's not sure what it is. Howard said he'll give her a different song. He said that was ''Vertigo.'' he played the song with Pete singing it.
Howard said he'll give her one last shot. He said if she gets it she's going, if not he's hanging up on her. Howard said everyone is pulling for her to get it. Howard played another clip of Pete mumbling. Amy said ''Sunday Bloody Sunday'' and she was right. Howard said she's going to the concert. He played the song with Pete singing with it. Howard said she has won a pair of tickets to see the U2 concert at the Apollo theater. Howard said the concert is next Monday. He said it'll air on Wednesday. He said she also won $500 cash from Tommy John.
Howard asked Amy what she has to say for herself. She thanked Howard very much for the tickets. Howard asked who she's bringing to the concert. She said she's bringing her friend Brock. Howard put her on hold after that.
Howard played another clip of Pete singing. He wanted to see how Robin will do. Pete was yawning during that one. Robin had no idea what song that was. Howard said it's ''With Or Without You.'' he played the song and Pete singing over it. Robin asked how she's supposed to get that. Howard said she's not going to the concert. Robin said she's not going if Howard's not going. Howard said he got the invite but it's on a Monday night. He said he can't go. He said he'd love to go if it was on a Wednesday night. He said he bets Gary is going. Gary said he is not going because of work.
Howard said he would love to see that in a small theater like that. Gary said he heard they're going to do a really different show too. Howard wrapped up the Asian Pete Game and played another clip before going to break.
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The caller said she didn't hear the whole show the other day when he talked about it. Howard said this even came up during his therapy session. He said his therapist said he and his wife turned it off when the Utah thing came on. He said he never speaks up about that stuff. Howard said that was kind of strange.
Robin said that's like Jerry Springer coming on at the end of his show to wrap up. Howard said he had to do that or he might get arrested. Robin said that show is still on too.
Howard said he got a lot of email about that Letterman thing. He said everyone seemed to enjoy it. He said good for him and good for Dave. Howard thanked the caller for the call.
Robin asked if Howard is going to try to talk to Dave about the interview. Howard said he will but he gets so tired after the show that he just can't call someone.
Robin asked if Howard has been to every state in the country. Howard said he has not. He said he has been through a lot of them but not all. Howard said he went to the Four Corners thing once. He said he has been to the Grand Canyon. He said he got exhausted so he didn't go all the way down. He said he took 40 kids on a bus across the country. He said he loved doing that. He said it was a very positive experience. He said they did all kinds of stuff on that trip. He said they slept in a corn bin. He said it was a nice time in his life. Howard said he saw enough of the country doing that. He said he stood on all four corners of the states and figured there were 4 states no one cares about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Letterman show did end abruptly. The caller said he would have loved to have heard the whole 2 hours. Howard said he'd run the 2 hours if he was Netflix. He said they have this forum to do that. He said they had the vision to put on House of Cards and they exploded. He said now they're the biggest network. He said if you have endless time you could put up the 2 hours.
The caller also brought up how a woman called in the other day and said he's handsome because he's funny. He said he thinks Howard actually does look good. Robin asked if he's gay. Howard said you don't have to be gay to think another man is good looking. Robin asked if Howard thinks he'd be good at sucking dick. Howard said no way.
Howard asked the caller where he's from. The caller said he lives in Texas. Howard said he doesn't know if he's been to Texas. Gary said they did go there with America's Got Talent in Austin. The caller said he was there for that. Howard asked if they can open carry down there. The caller, Chris, said they can. Howard said it must be weird seeing people walking around with guns like that. Chris said he's never seen it actually. Howard said it's weird you can do that. He said in New York you can't do that. He said you'll be arrested.
Robin said she'd love to be able to have a gun and sling it around like a gun slinger. Howard asked if she has ever shot a gun. Robin said she has not. Howard said she was in the Air Force though. Robin said she was but they never used guns. Robin said the had to learn how to do other stuff. She said they were supposed to learn to do stuff just in case there was a war but they ended up canceling it that night. Robin said they had a maid and she didn't even have to make her bed during basic training.
Howard said he's not sure why the country doesn't have open carry laws. He said 30 states have it. Howard asked what happened to the second amendment. He said you either have it or you don't. He said everyone in the Air Force shoots guns in basic training now. Robin said she won't be going back. Howard asked how long she was in. Robin said it was 2 years.
Howard said Robin was a captain. Robin said she was a second lieutenant when she went in. Howard said she banged some guy under her. Robin said he wasn't in her unit. Robin said she's trying to think about it now. She said maybe they were. She said she thinks he was a private. Howard said that's dirty. He asked where they hooked up. Robin said they dated. She said they weren't hooking up at the hospital.
Gary said Brent is upset because there isn't a private in the Air Force. Robin said it's Airman then. She said it's the same thing.
Howard was acting like the Airman and asking Robin questions that Fred was answering with clips of Robin.
Howard said he should do a whole show where he just talks to her tapes. Robin said she thinks he could do that. Howard kept talking with the clips for a short time. Howard said Fred is having a blast over there with those tapes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said 74 years ago today 34,000 Americans were killed on D-Day. Howard said that's right. He said that's crazy too. The caller said he's been listening since 1991. He said yesterday was the first time he turned the show off. He said he lasted about 20 seconds before turning the radio off. Howard said he has to say that he's not the only one. He said they got an avalanche of email. He said people couldn't take it when they heard the clips of Mariann reacting to his Letterman appearance.
Howard read through some of the mail he got about Mariann. There was a lot of negative stuff in the mail.
The caller said he's begging him to never do that again. Howard said someone said that both Mariann and Bobo could disappear and the show would be much better. the caller said he can take Bobo but Mariann makes him want to drive into a bridge. Howard said someone wrote in that now they know why Kate Spade ended her life. Howard said that was something. Howard said that's David Spade's sister in law. Howard said he hopes David is okay.
The caller said he wants to thank him for bringing up therapy in that Letterman show. He said talking about mental health is going to be his legacy. Howard said wow. He said ''lets take a minute to praise me.'' Fred played some piano music and Howard started to sing a song he was making up about his Letterman interview and talking about his therapy. He was singing about JD tweeting about him and ridiculing him.
Robin said they say that Kate Spade didn't want to ruin the brand by seeking help so that's why she did what she did. Howard was still singing and making up the song as he went along. He was singing about JD and his mush mouth Twitter account almost doing him in.
Robin said that Kate left a suicide note. Howard said there's questions about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Fred drops are great and he's laughing in traffic out loud. Fred played a clip of Robin saying ''Tickle your clit'' and ''douche all you want.'' Howard ended up talking to the clips again.
Howard said if Robin is ever out sick he's just going to talk to Fred's drops. Fred played some more clips and Howard had another conversation with them.
Howard said he has to take a break. Robin said they were about to talk about the suicide note. Howard said he was about to say something. Robin said he was saying that the note was questionable. Howard said in a way it broke his heart because in the suicide note she said it's not her fault to her 13 year old daughter. She told her to ask her father if she has questions. Howard said a lot of couples go through trouble in a marriage. He said don't be sitting there on your fat ass thinking what might have gone on. He said he feels bad for the daughter. Robin said everything about it was very sad. Robin said the other thing she doesn't understand is how you hang yourself from a door. Howard said you can get up at any time. He said you really have to want to hurt yourself if you do that. Howard said he had better take a break. He said they're falling behind. He said it's hard to believe that someone can hang themselves with a scarf. He said this is getting too sad so he's just going to talk to Robin's drops. Howard said Chris Cornell also died after tying something to a door knob. He said he's not sure how these people do that. Howard played a ''Ronnie's Sex Time Machine'' bit and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he loves romance and he sees that with those two. Howard said he's imagining a lot of stuff in his head with those two. Robin said she doesn't go after that stuff in her brain. She said she wants to know what they're really saying. Howard said they went on vacation and they had a giraffe poking its head through their door. He said they're having fun. He said he has fed giraffes by hand. He said he stayed there in America to do that though. He said he's not going anywhere. He said he went to this place called White Oak where they run free. Howard said they went down to this place and he's not sure where it even was.
Howard said you see Portia and Ellen and they're with all of these animals in a hut. He said he wonders what those two are up to. He said they look like they're really in love. He said he'd be shocked if they ever divorced.
Robin said Ellen stayed single after divorcing Anne Heche until she found the love of her life. Howard said that he gets so distracted with his fantasies. Robin asked if he ever polishes himself off so he can think about what they're saying instead of thinking about that. Howard said he should have done that. He said he wonders what's going on in that bed with those two.
The caller said he follows Beth on Instagram and Howard seems to be more of a quiet guy when he leaves the studio. He asked if it drives him nuts that the cats are running around. Howard said he loves it. He said he loves what his wife is doing for animals. He said they just had a cat who was abused and it lost a leg because of that. He said his wife cares about animals and he gets so moved by it. He swears that he's so into what she's doing. Robin said she loves it because Howard laughed at her when she had 4 cats. Howard said that's fine. He said she doesn't put out like Beth does.
Howard said he does not mind that they use their home as an animal sanctuary. He said sometimes he gets so stressed out and he goes to play with the cats and his wife loves when he does that. He said she thinks he's the greatest. Howard said he has no problem with it.
Howard said he could take more calls or play some audio of Alex Jones talking to that 30 year old kid who went to court and got kicked out of his parent's house. Howard said he has other clips to play. He said there's a lot to share. He said he's running out of time though because Mandy Moore is coming in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he can tell him about the gun laws because he moved around the Southeast. He said some states will honor the open carry laws and some won't. Howard said he don't understand it. He said they should have one law. The caller said he lived in Mississippi and he went to Ohio and had a kid break into his truck. He said he ran out and got his gun and shot at the kid and the cops came and said he can't be doing that in Ohio. Howard said it's very confusing with those laws.
Howard took a call from a woman who said the beard on the Letterman interview was hilarious. She said the other thing was that she's a big fan and it was great to see his face and expressions in that special. She also said that what JD did was an act of sabotage. Howard said that was an angry act and very odd. He said JD is odd though. He said he has no ability to do introspection and think about why he did that. Howard asked JD if he has any more thoughts on that. JD said he regrets doing it and he took it down. He said he has no bad thoughts about Howard at all. Robin asked if JD can see his point of view. JD said yes and that's why he took the tweet down.
Howard said he'll play some clips from this interview. He said this guy Michael Rotondo went to court when his parents tried to evict him. Howard said Alex had him on the show to talk about what happened. Michael was telling Alex about what it was like in the house the day they were going to court. He said his father gave him a hard time that day and there seemed to be a line in the sand that day. Howard ended up doing his Alex Jones impression after listening to some of that.
Howard said Alex told Rotondo that he wanted to hire him as a reporter there at InfoWars. Alex said he thinks they could turn him into a formable individual. Rotondo said he just wants to be able to see his son so he's not sure he can work in New York City. Robin said now all of a sudden he has to be able to see the kid over working.
Howard said Alex wanted to see what he wanted to do for work. He said it was like pulling teeth for Alex. He played a clip and Rotondo said he wants to run his business and he didn't want to say what that was. He said he doesn't have the infrastructure to support it if he mentions it. Alex asked what the business is. Rotondo said it's tech. Alex asked what a tech guy does. Rotondo said it's an ideology. He said that the stuff you get from him works. He said whatever it is he offers will work. Howard said that took an hour to get out of him.
Gary said that he hasn't paid child support in a long time and he's not allowed to see the kid anyway.
Howard said that Alex gave Rotondo a book to read. He said Rotondo was more worried about the time he had to read the book. He played a clip of that conversation. Rotondo was asking for 3 weeks to read the book. Alex said that this is a very important book. Howard said this kid is flirting with disaster.
Howard said by the end of the discussion Alex seemed worn out. He played another clip and Alex gave him 30 seconds to say something. Rotondo didn't have much to say. Alex said he has to take steps to get there. Rotondo said they'll get there.
Howard said that kid is going to want him to be his new dad. He said he thought that was kind of interesting. Robin said she's fascinated by that guy. Howard said that pretty much summed it all up.
Howard said he has to take a break now. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he has Mandy Moore there. He said everyone loves her on ''This is Us.'' Howard said he's a big fan of the show. He said he thinks she deserved the Emmy. He said she was snubbed. Mandy came in and said it's nice to finally meet him. She said this is cool. Howard asked if she's comfortable. She said she is.
Howard said Mandy was at a point where she was thinking about giving up acting. He said she felt like she was in a rut before ''This is Us.'' She said she really was. She said she is 34 now and she started at 15 in the business. Howard said she would go around singing the National Anthem and that was her career for a while. Mandy said her mom would make cookies and she knew she was way into doing it so she would drive her around doing that.
Mandy said she went to an Orlando Magic game and saw a girl singing the National Anthem and that inspired her to do it. Howard asked if she has ever screwed up the words. Mandy said no but that was her biggest fear. She said that it's very hard to sing that song. She said it's a full octave. She said she would sing it A Cappella. Howard asked what she would wear. She said she would wear something patriotic. Howard said you have to look all American and have American flag stuff. She said sure. She said she thinks that's appropriate.
Howard asked if she was a good singer of the National Anthem. She said she doesn't think so. She said she was kind of cute and she thinks word got out about that. She said she would go out and sing for everyone in Orlando. She said she'd do it for anyone who played in the arena there.
Howard said she was doing that and then some dude heard her and wanted to make a demo tape with her. Mandy said she wrote some original songs for that. Howard said if you hear that you want to avoid them. Mandy said she was there with her dad and it was a long conversation they had in a studio. Howard asked what it cost her. Mandy said she put up money she had earned for doing local commercials. Mandy said her mom and dad were very supportive of that. She said that they were together at the time but they've since divorced. Howard asked if that shocked her. She said it did. She said to think of the apart was impossible. Howard asked how they broke the news to her. Mandy said her mom left her dad for a woman. She said that she says she wouldn't label herself as gay but she would say she loves who she loves. Mandy said it was over Christmas break and her dad was so sentimental and sad. She said he's still in love with her mom. She said she was setting up their laptop she got them for Christmas and she remembers seeing her mom's email and saw a letter that was addressed to her and her brothers. She said she quickly scanned it and it broke the news. She said that's how she found out. She said she was petrified when she saw it.
Mandy said she called her brother and told him and she asked if she should say something. She said he told her not to. They decided to just enjoy the vacation together because it might be their last. Howard said that's unbelievable to him. Mandy said it was a crazy moment.
Howard said as a man when your woman leaves for another woman it has to be blown up. He asked if she was embarrassed by it. Mandy said that she wasn't but she was sad for them. She said that was her biggest fear that they might divorce some day. She said she was just so blown away by it all.
Howard asked when she broke the news to her. Mandy said her mom told her maybe 6 months later. She said she wasn't hostile about it but it took a while for her to warm up to the idea of it. Howard asked if her dad has found love. Mandy said he has and he's remarried. She said that he's happier than he ever was with her mom. She said something wasn't right there and now everyone is their authentic self. She said her mom and partner moved to Arizona to start a new life together. She said that was smart for them. Howard asked if they hung out together before they were a couple. Mandy said they played tennis together.
Howard asked if she has gotten used to it. Mandy said it's been 10 years so she's used to it. She said both of her brothers are gay and they came out early in life. Mandy said that she's never had feelings for a womanlike that.
Howard asked if her brothers are in the business. She said they are behind the scenes. Howard said it has to be hard to be the sibling of a famous person. He said her story is unbelievable.
Howard said Mandy must have been the popular girl at school. Mandy said she really wasn't. She said she was 15 when she started out. She said she was like 5'10'' going into 8th grade. Howard said he was like that too. He said he's 6'5'' or something like that. Robin said he is 6'5''. Howard said he grew 3 inches in college. He said it was very strange.
Howard said the amazing thing is that she handed this guy money and he got her recording studio time. Mandy said this man who delivered for FedEx came in. She said he must have been a hustler too. She said he knew a guy who worked for a record company. Howard said she had that cute look so it's all of this going on. Howard said the FedEx guy sent her demo to the A & R guy at this record company and he came and signed her. Mandy said she was going to a meeting and it was on a day that her homecoming was. She said she wanted to get to the football game and just get it out of the way.
Howard asked if she expected super stardom from that. Mandy said no. Howard said they say it takes years on the road to get a record deal but she did a demo and got it. Mandy said she's glad it happened to her when she was young. She said you're fearless at that time. She said she was just ready for it.
Howard said this record company guy meets with her and she's in school. She said she was in 9th grade. She said she ended up getting a GED after dropping out of school. She said she finished a year before her friends so they were all jealous.
Howard asked if she feels she missed out on things. Mandy said she did because she was on the road instead of being in school. Howard asked if it was an intense pressure on her. Mandy said she didn't feel that. She said that things were going at such a clip and she was just in it.
Howard said she was signed to a deal with Epic at 14. She said it was crazy. She said they gave her $1,000 cash to go to the mall and she had never seen that kind of money.
Howard asked where she grew up. She said she grew up in Orlando. Howard said that's got to be crazy. He said that he would have been so jealous. He said there were guys who were in college with him who got jobs before graduating. He said nothing was happening for him. He said he would have been jealous of her. He said it's unbelievable. Mandy said it really is.
Howard asked what she writes about because she has no experience. Mandy said she was given songs to sing. Howard asked if she looks back on that and wishes it wasn't released. Mandy said she's appreciative of the opportunity but it's not a reflection of who she is. Howard asked who wrote ''Candy.'' She said it was some guy named Jive something. She said that they'd send out these demos and people would listen and they'd pick out a song. She said that she hadn't even heard it before they made it her single. Howard played some of the song. Mandy asked what the fuck that song even means. She said who says that you miss someone like candy.
Howard asked about who she toured with. She said that she was out with NSync and bands like that. Howard asked if it's true that Justin Timberlake pointed out she has big feet. She said he did and that hurt for a 15 year old girl who was in love with him. Howard asked if it crushed her. She said it did but he has apologized to her since then. She said that she was fine though.
Howard said she had no friends around her on tour so that had to be tough. She said her parents were with her all the time. Howard said it had to be tough. Mandy said she loves her mom and it made them closer. She said that she loves her dad too of course.
Howard asked why she has a tattoo of a sperm and a heart on her foot. She said it was an easy place to put it and keep it covered. She said that she had an all guy band and the guys would take turns showering. She said they had one rule about not pulling one in the shower. She said they had a saying about how they didn't want babies on their feet. She said they all ended up getting tattoos on them to commemorate the tour and that's why she has that on her foot.
Howard said now she becomes a pop star. Howard said that's amazing. He asked if she was accepted into that world and if she has friends who are pop stars. Mandy said no. She said that she knew that she was never going to be Britney spears or anyone like that. She said she can't dance and she doesn't have that epic voice like Christina Aguilera does. Mandy said she was told to just stand there and sing while they have dancers behind her. She said she can't dance and they couldn't teach her to.
Howard said it must have been nuts going on tour with NSync. She said that she was the opening act and she was fine doing that. She said they didn't pay much attention to her. She was in front of 20,000 people so she was fine with that.
Howard asked how she got into acting. She said she had a small role in ''The Princess Diaries.'' Howard asked if she's friends with Anne Hathaway. She said she's friendly but not friends. She said that she had a great time doing that movie.
Howard said a time comes when she has to leave acting. Mandy said she took a break to have a personal life and then it all came to a grinding halt. She said that it was tough to get it going again.
Howard said that Wilmer Valderrama came on the show and talked about her. He said that he came in and said that he took her virginity. Mandy said that's not true. She said she did date him when she was 16-17 but he didn't take her virginity. She said he was her first real boyfriend though. Howard asked if she was hurt. Mandy said she was very hurt. Howard asked if he called him after that. She said she did and he kind of explained it away like he insinuated it but he actually outright said it. She said that she's not sure why he would talk about that with anyone and lie about it. She said they don't talk about it now. She said they still talk but they don't see each other that much now. She said that they're still friendly. She said they have some mutual friends. She said that he came to her house a few months ago. Howard said he's glad to hear that because he thinks the guy was kind of bummed. He said he thinks he called the show asking them not to air it anymore.
Mandy said her parents were very upset about it. She said that her dad, Don Moore, was very bummed. She said he's a captain on American Airlines. Howard said that's impressive. She said he's been with them like 35 years. Howard asked if she can fly. She said no but she'd love to. Mandy said he has his own plane and they fly it sometimes. She said it's great. She said her mom is retired and living in Arizona with her partner. Howard asked what she did. Mandy said she was a stay at home mom.
Howard said Mandy dates a lot of famous guys but that's because that's who she meets. Mandy said that's who you're in front of all the time. She said she would love to date a regular guy. Howard said she loves musicians and she married one. Howard said that had to be devastating. She said it was. She said she should have known. Howard asked how you know. Mandy said she knew. Howard said she missed out on a part of her life where she could have been dating. Mandy said she dated enough. Howard said she dated Zach Braff. She said she did for 2 years. She said she was 21-23. She said that she thought she knew what she wanted. Howard said Zach should have married her. He said he knows him pretty well. He said he comes over to his house. Mandy said they still keep in touch. She said that they're still friendly.
Howard said break ups are tough. She said they are but after enough time goes by it's fine. Howard said it has to be tough for two actors to be together. Mandy said it's a tricky dynamic. Mandy said it's uncomfortable. Howard asked if she's dating Zach and he's doing well and her pilot doesn't get picked up it has to be tough to be happy for your partner. You feel bad about yourself. Mandy said you do. She said it's a recipe for disaster.
Howard said he's a big ''This is Us'' guy. He said he loves the show. He said he was watching video of Andy Roddick who she dated. Howard asked how any one keeps up with that. He said that she has dated all of these fantastic human beings. Mandy said Andy broke her heart. Howard said of course. He said he was handsome. Mandy said she was dating him at 18. She said they met in Toronto when she was shooting something up there. Howard said that is a good looking dude. She said he really is. Howard asked if he broke up with her. She said he broke her heart. Howard said she must take that to the studio. She said that it got poured into everything. Mandy said an album came out 3 or 4 years later and it was all turned into songs. She said that it equals productivity. She said that something comes out of it.
Howard said he can't imagine anyone breaking up with her. Mandy said they get a wandering eye. She said that's human nature. Howard said most guys would drop to their knees and worship her. He said not in show business though.
Howard asked if she's friends with these guys on Facebook. She said she's not friendly with Andy but she is with Zach. She said that she and Andy were kids so she doesn't care. Howard said now she's getting married again. Howard said her guy did a song for them for their David Bowie special. She said she had never heard that. Howard said he has the song. He played some of it for her. Howard said he plays it all the time. He said he hopes Taylor doesn't have a wandering eye. Mandy said he doesn't. Howard said this must turn her on. She said it just makes her smile.
Howard said he pictures her life like they lay in bed singing together and writing songs. She said they do sing together. She said life is good and they're having fun. Howard asked if she's going to have kids with this guy. Mandy said she is. She said that they're going to have to try to time it right. Howard said the weird story about her meeting him is that she's on Instagram and she likes the band Dawes. She said she heard them on the radio and she posted a picture of their album cover and Taylor sees that and contacts her. She said he sent an email through her manager from his manager. She said it was very sweet and he was just thanking her for posting it and asked if she wanted to come see them he'd set her up. She said it was very sweet and unexpected. She said she was in the middle of a divorce and she wasn't looking for another musician beau.
Howard said guys have to start dating right away but women can hold off. Mandy said she wasn't thinking of dating again during this divorce thing. Howard said it can get ugly. Mandy said she just chose the wrong person.
Howard asked if she wasn't sure about this guy when he proposed. She said she knew because they had talked about it. She said Taylor is the opposite of the other guy. Howard said that he would meet him for her. Howard said he does that for his daughters. Howard asked if she would listen if he told her that he's not marriage material. She said she would listen.
Howard asked how much time had passed since her divorce when this guy Taylor got in touch. She said it had been 6 months since they separated. She said they went out to a Sushi restaurant and had an epic 3 hour long dinner. She said he left to go on tour the next day and they had to email and text for the next 6 weeks. She said that she started to fall in love with him just by communicating. Howard said it's a good way to have romance. Mandy said it was great and they didn't have a chance to do anything physical. Howard asked if he pays for dinner. She said he did. Howard told her she has to keep her finances separated. Mandy said that she learned that with her last marriage.
Howard asked Mandy about ''This is Us'' and how that kind of took her out of her low point in life. Howard said she's in a rut in her career and in her marriage. He said she wants to act but there's not a lot of good material out there. He asked how she found out about this audition. He asked if she had to audition. She said they all had to audition. She said that's part of being an actor. Mandy said she still has to audition and she doesn't think she's particularly good at it. She said it's kind of nerve wracking.
Mandy said that she had done Tangled and Dan Fogelman had done that so he knew her. Howard asked if he asked her to audition. She said it was like 6 years apart so he wasn't even thinking of her. She said she had just moved agencies and they had just talked about not focusing on traditional pilot season. She said they were thinking about going to Amazon, Netflix or Hulu. She said she was just frustrated at this point in her career. She said that it happens to everyone with the lull. She said it's the ebb and flow. Howard said she must be questioning herself. Mandy said she thought maybe her time was up. She said she wasn't sure what she wanted to do if the acting thing didn't work out.
Mandy said two weeks after she moves to the new agency she gets this script for the new Dan Fogelman show. She said they were just talking about not focusing on a network show. She said that she read the script and it knocked her out. Howard asked if she knew she had to play 4 characters. She said she did. Howard said it's a very rich role. Mandy said none of that is on the page of the script. She said that she was just existing as this woman with triplets and all of that. She said that she remembers reading it and wanting the part.
Howard asked how many people auditioned for that part. Mandy said she's not sure. She said she went in and read for it and they told her they were going to have more women read for it. She said she wasn't going to hear about it for a month or more. She said she didn't think it would come back around again. Howard said it would be nice to just hear ''You're it.'' She said that would be wonderful. Howard asked if she trains herself not to think about it. Mandy said of course.
Howard asked if she had to audition with Milo. She said that she got a call to come in and do a chemistry read. She said that she heard that they loved Milo Ventimiglia. She said she went into the read and there were a couple of other girls up for the part. She said she had to do this monologue about her husband drinking too much that ended up in the second episode. She said she read with Milo and you don't really know that person very well. She said it was easy and instant with them though so it was great. She said that sometimes you don't have that. She said that you have to find something attractive about the person if you're not into them but it was easy with Milo. She said he was the best right off the bat. She said it was easy.
Howard said she must be almost in love with him. She said that's what it's like. Howard said he'd have a hard time trusting that she's in love with him if he was with her. Mandy said she found out later that day that she got the part.
Howard asked if she would recommend to a kid going into show business. She said no. She said it's just pure rejection. She said that's unless it makes your heart sing. She said she didn't have an option. She said this was her only identifiable skill set. Howard said some people just suck at it and they go from audition to audition and they're crushed by it.
Howard asked if she likes playing an old lady. Mandy said she loves it. Howard said they give her that turkey neck like he has. Mandy said he doesn't have that.
Howard asked if she feels snubbed by the Emmys. Mandy said no. She said she's been nominated for a Golden Globe. She said there are so many roles for women out there and she's lucky to have this incredible role on network TV. Howard said she's killing it in life.
Howard asked what shows she's watching. Mandy said she loves political shows. She said she likes MSNBC and the shows on there. Howard said he watches that too. He said his wife is thrilled that she follows her on Instagram. Mandy said she loves his wife. She said she's an angel. Howard said she's going to heaven. He said that's sad because he's going to hell.
Howard asked Mandy about climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. She said she did and that took a week. She said that you have people who help carry stuff for you. She said when you get tired you watch these guys just zoom by you up the mountain. Howard asked why some people die going up there. Mandy said that's more Everest and K2. She said that was the greatest thing she's ever done. Howard asked her about her workout too.
Howard asked Mandy about Harvey Weinstein and if he ever did anything with her. Mandy said no. She said she's the anomaly somehow. She said that she's never had anything like that happed to her. She said that's not the norm so she feels bad saying that. Howard said it's kind of insulting in a way. Mandy said she's fine with that.
Howard said Mandy worked with Robin Williams. Mandy said that was the move where they asked her to lose 10 pounds. Howard asked if Robin was fun to work with. Mandy said so fun. She said he was on all the time. Howard said he had Robin on the show once and he was stupid. He said it wasn't a good time to be near him. He said what's weird is that he was going to call Robin and apologize to him. He said the next day is when he got word that he had committed suicide. Howard said he felt really bad. He said he loved Robin Williams so he felt really bad.
Mandy said he was constantly entertaining. Howard said it must be tough to have to be entertaining like that all the time. Howard said you must think that you're going to be huge when you work with someone like that. Mandy said the business is too fickle so you can't think like that.
Howard asked if she has a lot of show business friends. Mandy said not really. She said she has regular friends she's been friends with for 15 years. Mandy said that she's friends with Howard and Beth on Instagram too. Howard said she's invited to the house. Mandy said Beth invited her so she might have to take her up on that.
Howard said ''This is Us'' is available on NBC.com if you want to catch up on the show. Mandy said that the series finale has already been shot. She said that she thinks they're going to do 5 or 6 seasons. She said that NBC is nice to them too. Howard asked if she signed for a long time. She said it's like 6 or 7 years or something. Howard asked if she can get more money out of them. Mandy said they figure out a way to sweeten the pot. Howard asked if she thinks Milo is making more than her. She said she is making as much as the men on the show. She said that's only fair.
Howard said that NBC is making a fortune on the show. He said they should pay them well. Howard said they must kiss their asses. Mandy said they don't. She said she thinks they're super excited that the show has been as well received as it has.
Howard said she should put out an album with her new husband. She said she should. Howard said he likes cover versions. He said that they could do that and some originals. Howard said she should do the Alanis Morissette thing. He said she has to get through one more divorce and sing about that.
Howard said she could do a Joni Mitchell thing. Mandy said that's her favorite. She said she has a lot to say about her divorce. She said that one glass of wine and she's talking. She said it was a very lonely life when she was married. She said that he wasn't the right partner. Howard said this all sounds good. He thanked her for coming in. He said she seems like a party. Mandy said she's actually pretty boring.
Howard started to wrap up with Mandy and gave her some plugs for ''This is Us.'' Howard said he'll meet this guy she's going to marry and tell her what he thinks. He said he'll fix her. He said one divorce is fine but that's it. He said she deserves to be treated like a queen. Howard said she has angry stuff from the first divorce so she has an album in her. Mandy said the anger has subsided. Howard asked if her father still dislikes the guy. Mandy said no one in the family is a fan.
Howard said he used to wish that his parents would divorce. He said they might have given him more attention if they had. Mandy said she has to talk to Beth. Howard said she's an angel and a saint. He said that he says that every day. Howard said he is a nightmare misery. Mandy said he is not. Robin said he is telling her the truth. She said Howard always has to talk him down and put him back on the rails. Mandy said he seems very self aware. Howard said it's all an act. Robin said he is but he always gets out of control. Howard said he's been in a relationship with Robin for like 30 some years. Robin said it's like 37. Mandy said that's incredible. Howard said he's no Wilmer Valderrama. He said he'll tell him that if he ever sees him again. Mandy said he just got caught up in the moment. Howard asked who took her virginity. Mandy said she doesn't know. Howard asked if it was Andy Roddick. Mandy said she doesn't know, maybe. Howard said Andy broke Robin's heart too.
Howard said Mandy is delightful. Mandy said he is too. She said this is the best conversation ever. She said they're just talking like people. She said she's never talked that much about family or the divorce. Howard said he doesn't want her to leave. Mandy said she doesn't want to leave. Howard went to break a sort time later.
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Howard said Mandy was a fascinating woman. Robin said she saw guys just standing there staring at the screen. Howard said he was fascinated that her mom is gay and her two brothers are gay. He said more people in the family are gay than straight. Robin said that's right. Howard said he likes that.
Howard said to be 14 years old and get a record deal thanks to a FedEx guy is amazing. He said then she's thinking about leaving the business and then she gets this great job. He said that's some story. He asked what they learned. Robin said it made her think of the pressures. Howard asked if she's going to stop singing now. Robin said maybe. Howard said this guy she was married to sounds like he might have been a real asshole. Robin said it is a two sided thing so they'd have to hear from him.
Howard said he thinks she's going to end up at his house looking at kittens. Robin said they'll have to see. Howard said he does love that show ''This is Us.'' Robin said all they do is cry on that show. Howard said that's what he does.
Howard said Robin sent him pictures of his flowers from her garden. Robin said she doesn't think he even remembers asking her to do that. Howard said of course he does.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thought that this week was going to be boring with Mandy and James Corden but he makes these people very interesting. Howard said he's blown out by that stuff. He said he's not sure how Wilmer Valderrama comes on and says he took her virginity.
Robin read a story about Don Jr. retweeting Roseanne's racist tweets. Howard said he saw that. He said that he doesn't know there's something wrong with that ape comment. Howard asked what Roseanne is doing today. He wondered if people are saying shit to her. Robin said maybe she's at home in Hawaii at her ranch. Howard said he doesn't know about this. He said he likes her. Robin said she thinks she has issues. She said that paying attention to this is like walking down the halls of an institution and paying attention to everyone. Howard said she was photographed outside of her home in Utah. He said maybe she doesn't live in Hawaii anymore. Howard said it wasn't the ape comment that Don Jr. retweeted. It was a sorry about George Soros being a Nazi tweet that he retweeted.
Robin read a story about Denmark about to debate a ban on circumcising boys. Howard said he was talking to someone about this. He said everyone agrees it can't be appropriate to do that to a baby. He asked why they'd cut off the skin of a baby. He said it's child abuse in his mind. Howard said there is no reason for it. He said it's like in Africa cutting off a woman's clitoris. He said he's not sure if he would do that to his son. Howard asked Fred if he would do that. Fred said he would have to kidnap him. He said his wife would have wanted a circumcision. Fred said his wife just puts up with it on him. Howard said he loves Denmark.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hasn't listened to the show that much this week but he was so good on Letterman. He said that was a fucking great interview. He said that he told stories that they've heard before but he was so great on the show. He said he could have gone another hour. Howard said they actually did. The caller also said he's not sure why he listens to that fucking JD either. Howard thanked him for that nice call.
Robin said she thinks that Gary should be alerted to this story. She said the Animation Art Auction of June Foray's art collection is coming up. Robin said she left us a few years ago. Howard said it was last year. She did the voice of Rocky and Natasha. Howard said they had a relationship with her until they wrote a dirty cartoon for the show and she played the parts in it. Howard said she called begging them not to play it again. Robin said there are over 1000 lots from every major studio. She said it includes the art of Pinnochio. Robin asked if Gary is still collecting. Howard said he heard his whole collection is in his attic now. Gary said that he's got a very nice attic. He said they're just sitting there but they're in a nice attic. Howard goofed on Gary about his ''Baba Booey'' screw up for a short time. He had him saying ''Fugs Bunny'' ''Taffy Duck'' and other names like that. Robin said the auction is on June 16th.
Howard said he told Gary he was going to outgrow that cartoon collection. He asked who was right. Robin said he'd have to ask Gary.
Robin had a clip of a black woman yelling at an Asian woman on the subway. Howard said it reminded him of how lucky he is that he doesn't have to ride the subway anymore. He said people are nuts down there. He said he was so scared down there. Robin had Howard play the clip. Howard played it and it sounded like a man yelling but it was a woman. She was screaming at this woman for apparently moving her kid out of her seat. The Asian woman told her to calm down. Howard said that makes it escalate. Howard played more of the audio and then talked about how awful it was riding the subway back when he had to do that. He said it was every man for himself.
Robin read a story about Gretchen Carlson making the rounds talking about the new Miss America. Howard said he thinks she's nuts. He said that they're taking away the bathing suit and evening gown parts of the pageant. Howard said it's a beauty pageant. He said you can't take that away. Howard said Ronnie should run that pageant. Robin said they say most of the people running it are women. Robin had some audio of Gretchen talking about how they're no longer a pageant, they are a competition. They are not judging on looks. Howard asked what kind of competition that is.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said the subway is great to get around in but you're trapped. He said he's on it all the time and there's always something going on. Howard said JD got mugged down there. He said he got his iPod stolen. He said he thinks he got beat up. JD said he got punched in the face too. He said it was actually a CD player. JD said they were harassing some homeless guy on the subway too. Ralph said it's constant bullshit down there. Howard said they had an intern who got jizzed on down there too. He said that he couldn't handle being down there. Gary said when they had interns they would have a girl every semester come in sweating and they'd say that someone took their penis out. Ralph said even the empty trains are bad. He said he just wants to read his iPad.
Howard said Richard got kicked in the head when he was on a subway and a guy was dancing. Richard said it wasn't super hard but his sneaker went across his forehead. Richard said he didn't say a damn thing to the guy. Howard said he should have apologized to the guy for getting in his way. Richard said he once sat in a homeless guy's shit on the subway once. He said that was the worst thing that happened.
Gary said he and Fred were on a train and this woman pointed at them and told them to shut the fuck up. Gary said they just looked at the ground. He said you can't make eye contact. Howard said it's like going to a mental institution. Richard said he will face the subway door to face away from everyone. Howard said he would start acting mental himself to keep people from him. He said he'd moan and people clear right out. Richard said cover yourself in feces and they clear out.
Gary said Jason was on a subway car and they made an announcement that a guy had covered himself in feces and had taken over the car. Richard said you know not to get on an empty car now.
Ralph said there's a new thing where guys ask to be swiped in by the booths. He said there's no way he's going to do that.
Howard told some of the stories that the guys were telling in the back office. one of the guys saw a woman burn her clit with a lighter. He said one of the guys saw period blood on a seat in the subway. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had more Gretchen Carlson audio for Howard to play. They spent a little more time talking about that.
Robin read a story about how more than half of Americans believe that pornography is morally okay. Robin read the details of a survey that was done about that.
Robin read a story about it being D-Day. Robin said it's the 74th anniversary of that day. Robin had some audio of one of the few remaining survivors talking about what went on that day. Howard said that guy is a hero. He said he wishes he could be half the man that guy is. He said he loves watching movies and shows about guys like that. Howard said he still has flashbacks from war movies he's watched. He asked how Germany is still around after that war. He said they should have made it part of the United States and done away with that filthy language they speak. Howard said Germany should have been gone after that. Robin said what we should learn is that war isn't necessary. She said we should all just be friends. Howard said a little prayer for all of those who died in that war.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if he saw the new Jada Pinkett Smith show where they do a roundtable like they used to do up there. She said she's sick of these people with no ideas. Howard said he has no idea what she's talking about. He hung up on her and got back to going off on Germany.
Robin read a story about David Spade paying tribute to his late sister in law. Robin said he said he can't believe she's gone. Robin said he also encouraged people to hang on in this world. Robin read about Kate Spade's suicide too. Howard said this is something. He said he feels like it's an epidemic. Robin said as Benjy wrote last week ''You will be happy again.'' Howard said that's a positive message.
Robin said Bill Clinton was in the news yesterday. Howard said he got a lot of email about that Bill Clinton impression he did yesterday. He got back into that impression. Robin said he was on the Colbert show last night. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard ended up doing his Clinton impression for a little bit. He said he loves that he just went out to promote a book and this happened. Howard kept going with the Clinton impression for a few minutes.
Robin read a story about a New York judge who is saying that President Trump can be deposed in a lawsuit brought by a former contestant on his show The Apprentice. Robin said that this woman has accused him of groping her and Trump is denying that it ever happened. Howard was still going with the Clinton impression.
Robin read a story about how Trump canceled the invitation for the Philadelphia Eagles and turned that into a celebration for the country instead. Robin had some audio of that. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about that. Robin had some audio of Sarah Huckabee Sanders talking about the Eagles thing too. Howard said she doesn't even take a breath when she speaks. He asked where she was raised. Fred said in Arkansas. Howard said she was groomed for that.
Robin read a story about Dennis Rodman going to Singapore on his own for the North Korean summit. Howard said he was on the Apprentice too. Robin said Dennis says that he gave Kim Jong Un a copy of Trump's book and that's when he understood the president. Howard said he doesn't even understand what Dennis is saying.
Robin read a story about a former Michigan State head is apologizing for the sexual abuse that went on there with Larry Nasser. Robin had some audio of her speaking about that. Robin also gave Howard an update about the guy who was accused of sexually assaulting a dog. Robin said they say they had a witness so that's how the guy got caught.
Robin read a story about The Wizard of Oz and how one of the guys who played a Lollipop guild has just died at the age of 98. Howard said he thought little people didn't live that long. Robin said he did.
Robin read about how Jared Leto is getting his own Joker movie. Robin said he's going to star in the film. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.