Howard said when they have a long weekend he's not into coming back in. He said he's ready to hang it up. He said he has a headache this morning so he's not into it. He said he doesn't get headaches much. He said he knows it's not COVID because he never leaves the house. He said the spent a good part of the day yesterday figuring out how they're going to go to his daughter's wedding. He said he has a whole plan but he has to figure out how to do it. He said he has to bring in members of the military to get it done though.
Howard said they're saying at the Golden Globes they say that a lot of people came down with COVID. He said he's not surprised. He said COVID is on the rise. He said there was an average of over 60,000 new cases in the United States. He said he's still in the war.
Robin said she got an invitation and she accepted it. She said it's to have dinner with someone she hasn't seen in a long time. She said it's cold there. Howard said he's in Florida and it's only 45. Robin said there was one place where it was 98 degrees below 0. She said that was in Siberia. She said you can't have the wind touch your skin. She said everything will freeze to you. Howard said that's crazy. He said that's got to be with wind chill. Robin said that was the actual temperature.
Howard said they have a guy coming on tomorrow named Stephen A Smith and he's a sports guy. He said he watched some football over the weekend. He said Ralph was telling him when the games were getting good so he'd tune in the last 10 minutes. He said he has so many other things he'd rather do than watch that much football. He said there were games last night and over the weekend. He said it's too much. He said Ralph told him about some games. He said they were good but it's too much. He said he watched the Giants vs. the Vikings. He said he can't live like that watching so much. He said he can't do anything. if he's watching all of that.
Howard said the guys told him that Stephen is coming on and he asked who that is. He said they told him who he is and how he wrote a book. He said he's like a real man. Howard said every real man knows who the guy is. Robin said he's very opinionated. Howard said the guys told him to check him out. He said he asked his brother in laws about him. He said they're real men. He said he asked his buddy Pat about him and he grunted to him that he knows who he is. He said his father in law is another one. He said they called during a game and he didn't answer. He said he hung up on them. He said that Stephen is coming on the show tomorrow. He said he'd like to talk to the guy but it's embarrassing because he doesn't know anything about sports. He said he has questions about sports. He said he will make multiple mistakes.
Howard said he's apologizing in advance that he may mess up. He said he may not know team names and things like that. He said he doesn't speak that language. He said he watched the Knicks growing up but that's about it. He said now he plays chess and paints. He said he's not sure what that makes him. He said it's not a nerd but he doesn't seem to have the same interests as men. He said he blames his father for that and everything else that's wrong with him.
Howard said his father would go to the race track like a real man and bet on the horses. He said he would watch baseball too. He said he was a real man but he never shared that stuff with his son. He said he blames him for not being a real man now. He said Stephen is the guy who inducted Mad Dog into the radio hall of fame. He said they have worked together.
Howard said he never understood Mad Dog and Mike. He said they were the guys on sports radio but then something happened. He asked Gary what happened there. Gary said they didn't like each other for a long time and then toward the end they came to terms. He said then Chris took the offer to leave to go there. He said that they didn't agree on some stuff and they would argue and it was real stuff.
Gary said they were on TV for a while and they would do a show and you'd see them during the break. He said they'd be sitting across from each other and they would not even look at each other. He said it was bizarre. He said you could tell they weren't friends. Gary said Chris is a good guy and he's heard that Mike is a difficult guy. Robin said she heard Mike is doing a podcast now and he's not on radio anymore. Howard said who cares. He said it's all so stupid.
Howard said Bill O'Reilly was talking about him. He said this guy broadcasts out of his garage somewhere. He said he was on Sid and Friends in the morning on WABC. He said he started in again about how he knew him at Boston University and that's just a lie. He said he didn't know him there. He said he sort of put him down but then he didn't really. Howard said he should just go away already.
Howard played a clip from this interview and Bill claimed he went to school with Howard Stern when Sid brought him up. Howard said that's just not true. He said he has some made up story about him and it's just a lie. Howard played the clip and Bill said he knew Howard because he was the only guy taller than him. Howard said he lied about him having a giant Fro there. He said he wore it straight back then and in a pony tail. He said he's not sure why people lie about him like that. He said he went on his TV show on FOX once. He said he came on this show. He said that's how he met him. He said he's seen him at parties and stuff in the Hamptons. He said Bill won't admit he goes to that stuff but he does.
Howard played more of the interview and Bill told more lies about hearing him on BU radio up there. Howard said no one knew him from that. O'Reilly went on to talk about how he's seen the show change on the air and you have to admire him... then the clip cut off. Howard said he's not sure why they cut it there.
Howard said it's like Trump saying that he used to be good but they just pay him because he used to be good. Howard said they don't pay you if you used to be good. He said he's still good. Robin said Trump's father is still paying him for doing nothing. She said he gets millions of dollars a year from his father's estate.
Howard said this Bill O'Reilly has no shame. He said he's not sure what it is. He said Sirius pays him no matter what so he doesn't have to be funny or something. Howard said he should just say he's jealous of Howard because he gets paid a lot of money and has a lot of listeners. He said he doesn't get guaranteed money. He said he has to prove his worth to the company.
Howard said this is a clip of Bill doing his thing. He played a clip of Bill plugging stuff where you can write to him and he'll help you out. Howard said this guy wants you to pay him to help you. Then he reads some notes from people who were talking about how he helped them with suggestions for where to stay and things like that.
Robin said this guy is upset about Howard getting paid to do what he does but he's taking money from people to 'help' them with travel suggestions. Howard made up some nonsense that he could be helping people with. Robin said the suggestions weren't that great either. She said someone said they walked through Central Park at night.
Howard said imagine if he went on the air and did what this guy is doing. He said people would go crazy. He said those people are paying through the nose to get ideas for where to stay in Antigua.
Howard said he called Jimmy Kimmel to congratulate him on his 20 years on the air at ABC. He said that's an amazing accomplishment. He said that's pretty impressive. He said he doesn't even know when his anniversary is. He said he started so long ago and he's not sure when they started. Robin said they started together in Washington DC. Howard said they should figure out their anniversary. He said who knows how long they've been on the air. He said he's pretty sure that he's the most successful guy on radio. He said he doesn't think there's anyone else that has had so many number 1s.
Howard said he has to wrap up this Bill O'Reilly thing. He said he seems to think he gets paid if he has an audience or not. He said that's not the way it works.
Howard said he has a list of the stuff that Bill O'Reilly concierge service offers you. He ran down the list of nonsense that people get with this service. The list of lame stuff went on and on. Howard said it's just under $100 a year for the service. He said it's $94.95.
Howard said he should say that he has been criticized by better than him. He said people are entitled to say it but there's a lot of hypocrisy out there. Robin said no one is embarrassed about anything anymore.
Howard said Joe Rogan said he's ''woke'' now. He said that word is so funny to him. He said if it's for things like women having rights to their own bodies and things like that then he's happy to be ''woke.'' He said it seems to him that whenever a nut job doesn't like someone they call them ''woke.'' He said he's not sure his opinions and views have changed that much but it seems like a good thing to be woke. He said that you don't know why he's no good so they just call him ''woke.'' He said it's like a catch all for things that you don't like. He said it's like calling you retarded. He said he's for the vaccine so he's woke. He said the other thing is that he used to be good because he stood up to the FCC. He asked what these people have stood up against. He said the Bill O'Reillys out there. He said they back right down when someone stands up to them. He said they're so talented and hip. He said he's not sure what any of it means.
Howard said Trump said he was good before he supported Hillary Clinton. He said he'll take that over someone who wants to overthrow the government. He said he's woke because of that. He said it's all so boring.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he started listening to Sirius a few yeas ago when he got a car with it. He said he didn't know Howard was still doing radio. He said he subscribe though and he's listening now so he's not sure what people are talking about. He said these people use the Woke thing to disguise their own racism and stuff. Howard said he's right.
Howard said he was looking at something yesterday and it was mind blowing to him. He said there are still two states in the country that call it Robert E Lee / Martin Luther King day. He said it's Alabama and Mississippi that do this. He said they have a note in a bank down there that shows why they're closed and it lists Robert E Lee. He said they have to have two sides to that story. Robin said those are two of the most backward places you can be. Howard said he's not sure why they worship the people who went to war with America and lost. He said it's like wishing a happy Hanukkah and happy Hitler day. He asked what the fuck world we live in. He said he must be woke because he doesn't agree with that Martin Luther King and Robert E Lee day.
Howard said he must be nuts. The caller said he loves the show and he appreciates him sticking around.
Howard said its so weird. He said Bobo got COVID for the third time. Bobo said he goes to two gyms and he's around a lot of people. He said he's always very careful wiping down the equipment. Robin said it has nothing to do with that. Howard said when you talk to people you get it. Bobo said you can get it by touching things and touching your face. Howard said it's an airborne thing. He asked how he's feeling. Bobo said he feels fine and he got the Paxlovid and that helps. He said that his doctor got it for him.
Robin asked how Bobo spelled it when he wrote it down. Bobo said he did research on it. Howard said they thought he was suffering from brain fog but that's just the way he is.
Robin said she was reading about this new variant of COVID and they say that if you get multiple bouts of COVID it can have worse effects later on. She said it compounds what will happen later on.
Howard said this is a strange virus. He said that we think that it's good to get it but that's not the way it works. He said it gets worse and worse. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Bobo said this kicked his ass the fist couple of days. Robin said they've seen Bobo's physique and he goes to two gyms. Howard asked why two gyms. Bobo said his son is a body builder. He said his son looks jacked at 16. He said he goes to one that deals with body building and then they go to another one. Howard asked what they're into at the other one. Bobo said it's a lot of cardio and things like that. Robin asked why two gyms though. Bobo said his son likes the equipment they have at one of the places. Bobo said he goes there 6 days a week. He said he does a lot of stuff. He said his son watches what he does. Howard thanked Bobo for the call.
Howard took a call from a guy calling from Puerto Rico. He said Bobo is a fucking asshole. He said he has all kinds of illnesses. He said he's full of fucking shit. He said he's such an asshole and he should shut the fuck up. Howard said he's right. He said he has had a lot of diseases in the past year.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is a great interviewer and his interview with Bruce Springsteen was great. Howard said that being on HBO has riled up people like Bill O'Reilly. The caller said his interviews are great and he's awesome. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard took a call from Rooster who as on Hollyweird Squares. Howard asked what's on his mind. Rooster said yesterday he and his wife were out running errands. He said he had to shit really bad so he went to a station to shit. He said he ended up getting cussed out by a guy who he cut off in the parking lot. He said he ended up arguing with the guy and then the guy left. He said he went to Walmart to use the bathroom after that. He said he saw the guy getting out of his car in the parking lot. He said he drove around and ended up shitting next to the guy's car right where he would get in the car. Howard asked what he wiped with. Rooster said he used his shirt and threw it on the ground. Howard said imagine what that guy's shits look like. He said it must be like an elephant. Rooster said his shit was like diarrhea. He said it was a huge mess.
Howard asked if anyone saw him shitting in the parking lot. Rooster said no. He said he wanted to video his response but he just let karma go with it.
Howard said he's not sure what to think about this. He said if he feels better about himself then he's got a win. Rooster said he didn't destroy anything but he will see that this guy shit on his day so he shit on his day. Howard let him go after that and just said ''what the fuck?'''
Howard said this is Tommy who said he subscribes to Bill O'Reilly's concierge service. The caller said no, he was hoping that he'd have the guys sign up for it. Howard said he was going to do that. He said he's going to have Sal and Richard maybe sign up for it and ask him weird questions. Tommy asked about Bobo. Howard said he's not sure. He played some of the audio of Bill talking about the letters he gets from this service. He was reading tips from listeners on how to save money. Howard asked what he's into. He asked where his tips are. He was reading other people's tips.
Howard said he has a tip to save money. Don't subscribe to Bill O'Reilly's concierge service. JD said he started this over the summer and he was using everyone else's tips as his the tips. He said he had one tip on how to save at a restaurant and not buying orange juice for the kids.
Howard played more of the tips that Bill was reading from his subscribers. He made up more dumb tips of his own. He had a ton of ridiculous tips on how to save money.
Howard said those are some tips. He played another clip of Bill reading tips and one of them was ordering a glass of water in a restaurant and get lemons to squeeze into it. Bill claims he does that. Howard said he does not. He asked if you can imagine going to a restaurant and making your own lemonade at the table. He said just stay home at that point. He said this guy has millions and he's not getting a drink. He said what a show this guy is putting on. He said it's a brilliant show. He said you wont be the laughing stock of the restaurant if you do these things. Howard said just bring your own pasta and ask for a glass of boiling water.
Howard played another clip of Bill suggesting what to do before you go out to eat. He said you can pull up the menu and see what you're getting into. Howard made up more tips and talked about how pompous Bill is when he's talking about all of this.
Howard said those are some tips. Howard said it kind of defeats the purpose of going to a restaurant if you have to make your own lemonade. He said maybe just take scraps from the other tables. He said maybe make your own ketchup too. He said just order tomatoes and sugar.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to comment on Rooster taking a shit. She said that the only person that he hurt is some kid making minimum wage that has to clean it up. Howard said she makes a good point. He said he's kind of grossed out by it. Howard thanked her for the call.
Howard said Afroman got into some weird shit. He said his home was raided by police. He said that it seems that someone may have claimed he had 1000 pounds of weed in his house or something. He said the police raided the place and they broke down his door. Howard said it's weird. He said they found nothing there and Afroman has it all on video. He said he claims they stole $400 from him. He said he has it all on tape. He said then he wrote a song about it. Howard said they broke down his door with a battering ram. He said they don't fix the broken door so he wrote a song about helping him repair his door. He played some of that song.
Howard said he's not sure how this guy makes money but Derek and Mike Trainor who are on the staff are deep into Afroman's stuff. He said that he knows they had him on the show when he was big and he seemed like a nice guy. He said Gary had a great story about him. He said Gary got him on the show. Howard had him tell the story.
Gary said Afroman came up and he had a bunch of people up there with him. He said Afroman asked him what he thinks he should do next. He said he was looking for advice but he wasn't sure if he thought he was someone from a record company or what.
Howard asked Mike and Derek about being fans. Howard said he's still working the business. Mike said he has been around but working smaller and smaller venues. He said he has a nice house. He said that he had a lot of fun songs. Derek said he cold listen to that album he first did from the beginning. He said he had a bunch of songs about drinking and smoking pot. Mike said you can understand why they'd think he'd have something in his house.
Derek said he thinks they have suspended the cop who put the money in his pocket. He said they have it all on video. He said his kids were home at the time too so it's really fucked up. Howard wrapped up the segment and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about Maren and how he had to fix his hair during this song. He said he can let her sing and he can fluff his Fro out.
Howard said Robin was texting him the other day and asking what he was doing. He said he was honest and said he was evaluating Maren in her bikini on DailyMail. He said they had pictures of her in a bikini. He said he was looking at them and he likes her. He said that she looks good. He said he was imagining her walking around in the bikini. Robin said he told her that he had to get back to something important. Howard said he had to evaluate her bikini outfit. He said he had never seen her in a bikini before and they had like 15. Robin said she thinks that he's seen her before. Howard said he will Google her and go to her images but he's never seen her in a bikini. He said they get her ass and legs in the photos on DailyMail. He said they're smart. He said they say they look beautiful even if they don't. He said that way they don't look like dicks. He said the readers point out the bad parts. He said even gorgeous pictures of Emily Ratajkowski people will give negative comments to. He said if she looks bad imagine what people think of him.
Howard said he will never go to this place that Maren was visiting. He said he's been there before and if they're taking pictures of her there he wouldn't want his picture being taken. He said he ash had that before. He said he went to Hawaii years ago and these guys were in a tree taking pictures of him. He said they're so good at their job that you don't see them.
Howard read the article about Maren in her bikini. He said it was a very nice headline. He said he chose her over Robin that day. He said he had to get to her instead of talking to Robin.
Howard said he was like a teenager yesterday. He said he worked out yesterday but just in one gym, not two like Bobo. Howard read a comment on Maren where someone said she was weird looking. Robin said he must be around some really ugly people if he thinks she looks weird. Howard said people even comment on Emily Ratajkowski like she's ugly. He said she is one of the most beautiful women in the world. Howard said there's no shortage of men around her.
Howard said he was busy and Robin interrupted him. He said he was busy looking at bikini photos of Maren Morris. He said he needed time to evaluate. He said he wants to argue with people about their comments about her and ask what they look like. He said he's just thinking about that. He said that might be kind of lame to argue with people online.
The caller said that he saw that Howard put up a picture that he painted and he wondered if he'll have more up. He said he likes looking at it. Howard said he just does water color. He said sometimes he does stuff in sepia. He said he has an Instagram account with the paintings but it's just friends. He said that he doesn't want the comments. He said he was thinking that he should just put it out there. He said his wife posts it too. He said some of it is out there. He said he was paining this weekend and he was painting a wall with a statue on it. He said he'll have to see how it goes.
Howard said his mom just lays in bed all the time now. He said she will get up and sit at a table to eat. He said at least she's doing that. He said she'll go for a short walk in the halls there where she lives. He said it sounds promising when she tells him those stories. Robin said they say the more sedentary you get the worse things will get. She said it leads to a downward spiral. She said you have to keep older people moving. Howard said he tries to motivate his mom. He said she won't hear it.
Howard said he watched a video about a 96 year old gymnast. He said his mother isn't doing that though. He said he did call her on his birthday. He said it's more her day than his. He said he called his mom and asked how she was doing. He said she strained to say hello. He said that it's really her birthday. He said she laughs at that. He said he told her how great she was as a mom. He said then she goes through the same stories he's heard a million times.
Howard said then his mom changed her tune and told him that something horrible happened to her. He said he asked what it was. He said she tells him that this is the day she takes her shower. She said she got her hair soaped up before going into the shower. Then the water was turned off in the building. He said he asked for how long. He said she didn't know. He said that's a bad thing but it's not the worst thing in the world. He said she had to sit there with the wet hair. He said that was the big thing on his birthday.
Robin said that is a big deal if you can't rinse off. Howard said that was his birthday.
Howard said it must be the press trying to get a feud going. He said he woke up to a headline about Joe saying that he's woke and you read these things and realize it's someone trying to start a feud. He said that he's a fan of Joe's and he used to have him on the show a lot. He said he promoted him a lot back in the say when he was on Fear Factor. He said that he woke up this morning and read about these horrible comments. He said he should hear stuff before he comments. He said a lot of times it's not as bad as they make it out to be. Robin said they can lead you in the wrong direction.
Howard said he got good and pissed off. He said he woke up like a bear and got all bent out of shape. He said he comes down to do the show and he's ready to rip someone a new asshole. He said he's been the victim of that about 50 times. He said the headlines are horrible but they're never as bad as they make it out to be.
Howard said his apologies if he got upset about something that wasn't so bad. He said he's not even sure what the guy said. He said if he said something nice then he apologizes. He said if he didn't then he doesn't apologize.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if he got her gift. Howard said he did. She got him something from Dr. Now. Mariann said that she spoke to him personally. Howard said she called him and got him to do something for him. Howard said thank you. Mariann said he is a fan of his and she got him a signed book that's coming his way. She got all excited and started screaming so Howard hung up on her. Howard asked if she could be that hyper all day. Robin said she doesn't know but she should calm down. She said that they have had people leave the show because they weren't able to calm down.
Howard said he really is a grumpy guy. He said there are people who are so perfumed and he gets so upset about them walking by and smelling. He said you smell sweat and perfume. He said they must not be aware of their own stench. He said he wants to tell them they stink like cheap perfume. He said he sees men doing it too. He said they must think they smell good. He said take a fucking shower every day and don't wear perfume if you're going to exercise.
Howard said he's watching a show on Hulu and they really need to fix their app. He said it's not very good. He said this show Shrill is very good and Aidy Bryant is in that. He said it's good. He said he's obsessed with a show that someone there suggested to him like 7 years ago. He said he ignored the suggestion. He said there are three seasons of the show on Paramount+ called Penny Dreadful. Robin said she loved that show. She said she saw the whole show. It's just 3 seasons. Howard said it's very good. Jon Hein said they're done. He said it was a great show. He said it was on in 2016. Howard said he's behind on that one but it's good.
Howard said the show is really good. He said they have everything you want to see including nudity. He said that you're probably sick of getting suggestions but he's talking about it. He said it's on Paramount+ but it was on Showtime. He said ignore the name because the show is really good.
Howard said he had to do things in his own way. He said the more out of it you sounded as a progressive rock DJ the more cool you sounded. Howard did his impression of what that sounded like.
Howard said he knew Jeff Beck had an instrumental that was called ''Cause We've Ended as Lovers.'' He said he would play these songs on his shift. He said that he didn't know much about it. Howard played some of the song that he tried to give lyrics to. He had recorded that years ago and sang to Robin with his own lyrics.
Howard said that's a good song. Robin said she's shocked that Jeff didn't call and tell him to go on the road with him. Howard had Fred play the song without his lyrics. He said you didn't even have to talk over it. He said that he liked it because it was long and instrumental. He said it made him sound like he knew about music too.
Howard said he knew about Jeff Beck because of the bands he was in. He said he won 8 Grammys and he's in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said he was named the fifth best guitarist of all time by Rolling Stone magazine. He said he should have joined the rolling Stones though.
Robin said he was in the Yardbirds but he was kicked out and he said ''fuck 'em'' and walked off the stage when he was up there at the hall of fame. Howard had a clip of that so he played that.
Howard said Jeff died at 78. Robin said he was still playing an putting out music until he got this infection. Howard said that's what happens when you get to be 78. Howard read about some of the people who thought of him as an icon. Howard played a few of the songs he had covered in his career.
Howard said just last year he put out a song called Patient 9 with Ozzy Osbourne. He played some of that. He said he loves Ozzy. He was going to talk about him but said he didn't want to get sidetracked.
Howard said Lisa was 9 when her dad died. He said she was just 4 when her parents split. He did his Elvis impression and had him talking to her as a kid.
Howard said his microphone is acting up now. He said he did his Elvis and now it's making noise. He said whenever he does that his microphone acts up. He did more of his Elvis impression and sang a bit. His microphone was still fucked up. Robin said it's really fucked up.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on. He said he's going to unplug and plug it back in. He did that and came back. He asked if it still sounds weird. Robin said she thinks it's better. Howard said he must have fixed it. Howard went back into his Elvis impression after Robin told him not to. Howard said he can't help it. He did more of that impression and sang more.
Howard said he was talking about Lisa Marie there. He said he forgot and thought they were talking about Jeff Beck. Howard went back into his Elvis impression and goofed on him about falling for an underage girl.
Howard said Lisa Marie was 54 when she died. He said he had met her and he liked her very much. He said she had a lot of marriages. He said she was married 4 times. He asked Robin to name all of her husbands. Robin named them all. Howard said she is something with her knowledge. Howard said the one people remember the mos is Michael Jackson. He said they were interviewed in 1995. He had some audio of that interview where Lisa and Michael talked about when they decided to get married. Howard said he asked Lisa in 2003 what that was like. He had some audio from that interview where she talked about how creepy the relationship was because of the press surrounding it.
Howard did his Michael Jackson impression talking about how he was going to tear that pussy up. He said he was too much man for that woman. Howard said what a disaster that was for that poor girl. Robin said the Nicholas Cage marriage must have been too. Howard said he was a huge Elvis fan. Robin said Nic came to the studio once and he looked like Elvis.
Howard said Lisa did a duet with her father with ''Don't Cry Daddy.'' He played some of that. He said she put out her own album in 2003 and it hit number 5 on the top 200. He said that's not bad. Howard played a track from that album.
Howard said there you go. He said she's gone. Robin said she was sort of like royalty. She said that she was always going to be the fan's queen. Howard said Sal must have been upset. Sal said he wasn't that broken up about it. He said it was a sad thing. Howard said he got reports that he was getting upset and he was going to try to contact her. Sal said that would be disrespectful. He said that he doesn't have the ability to be a medium. Howard said he has said he can do that. Sal said he never said he could. He said he contacts people he has personally known. Jon Blitt said he thinks he wants her to settle firs and then he'll try.
Howard asked Sal if you have to settle into heaven first. Sal said you do. He said it takes a while to get acclimated. Howard asked Sal what level he thinks she's at there. Sal said he thinks that she was a good person and she was a good mother so she has a good track record. He said that means she'd be at a high level.
Howard asked Sal if she's at her highest level already. Sal said she's getting here. He said you have to navigate through all of that. He said Elvis came to her so she has spirit guides there.
Howard asked Sal if he thinks he'd have to wait like a year before trying to contact her. Sal said maybe. He said he doesn't want to bother her either. He said that he doesn't know her well. Sal said he knows Howard thinks he's crazy. Robin said she doesn't sound crazy at all. Sal said that microphone buzz earlier was Lisa Marie messing with it. He said it's a great way to contact millions of people. Sal said these are not coincidences.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Sal's wife who said she was hoping this would be Sal instead of Lisa Marie. She was crying over having to deal with Sal every day. She told him to stick a cardinal up his ass.
Robin said there were lots of photos and video of Lisa Marie struggling at the Golden Globes. She said she was not well. She said people were carrying her around. Howard said it's hard to know at times. He said she could have just been sleepy. He said you don't know.
Howard asked the caller what he has going on. The caller, JC, said he had a wife who was a bisexual. He said one night they were fucking around and he asked her to call the friend and see if she knows someone that would like to have a threesome with them. Howard cut him of and said that this story is ponderous. He asked what his point was. JC told Howard that long story short (it was already long) this woman put vodka into her pussy and he drank it out of there. He said it was amazing. Howard said this girl poured her vagina as a cup. JC said imagine a woman does that. Howard said he wouldn't want that. He said it sounds like torture to him. He said there's a strange pussy in your bed and she's pouring vodka into your mouth.
Howard said he's going to tell him a story now. He said he once had a threesome and he had Thanksgiving diner out of a woman's vagina. He said it was delicious.
Howard asked JC what he's carrying right now. JC said peanut butter. Howard said he loves peanut butter. He said one time he had peanut butter out of a woman's vagina. JC said he has another story. He told Howard about his wife and her sister were hanging out and he wanted to get out of there. He said he was going to Taco Bell. He said it was like 9 at night. He said he came back at 7 in the morning. He said his wife was waiting for him. He said she came chasing after him. Howard said that's some amazing story. He said he stayed away from home overnight. JC said that Howard has Vietnam stories. Howard said he wishes he had a stick to beat him with like his wife did. JC said he loves Howard and he thinks he's a little weird. Howard told another fake story about Fred. He said Fred has him beat with his wild sex stories. JC said he'd love to hear from him. Howard said he's not going to put him on. Fred said he has one. Howard had him tell the story about when he cooked grilled cheese in his foreskin. Fred said it was with 7 grain bread. Howard said he once drank vodka out of his own ass. Fred said he did that with a crazy straw. Fred told a story about pouring concrete into a woman's ass.
Howard said he has to tell another story. He said Fred once ate a four course meal out of a corpse's vagina. He let JC go before he could tell another story.
Robin said she has never heard a story like that before. Howard went into a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's a little bit of Audioslave for you. He said that's Tom Morello. He said that's good.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's so excited to talk to him again. She said she has to pull over. She said she just got off a 12 hour shift. She said she works in mental health and takes care of a schizophrenic guy. She said years go Howard said she deserves an award for that. Howard said she does. He said that's a hard job and he admires what she does. The caller, Pam, said she works in Arkansas and lives in Missouri. Howard said he knows how hard it is to take care of people. He said that people who are hired to work for people are saints. He said he has a job and he has to work and he has people to take care of his mother. He said they keep her going and it's great that she's able to function with them. Howard said to be able to help someone with mental issues is even better. Pam said that this guy hits her sometimes and he yells and screams a lot.
Howard asked Pam what he can do for her. Pam said last time she talked to him she didn't get to tell him what she wanted to. She said she never got his radio show there but she saw him on David Letterman. She said then on E! she saw the show and the show helped her so much when she was in an abusive relationship. She said she had something to look Howard to and laugh at. She was crying as she told him this. She said Howard means a lot to her. Howard said thank you to her. He said that crying is good for radio. He said it shows she's sincere. He said that she seems to be really heartfelt.
Pam said she also thinks that Howard is very good looking in Private Parts. She said that he is drop dead gorgeous when he's in that one shot in the airport when he's looking at Carol Alt. Howard said then they have her titties grow. He said that he's not sure how they did that in post but that was impressive. Pam said that the did the close up of his eyes and she could not believe that he is so gorgeous.
Howard said he has to set up a concierge service and he can come over and bang her. Pam said that someone recognized her when she was on last time. She said her cousin is in the band Big Town.
Howard said Pam brings up a good point about that one time when he was good looking in 1996. Howard took a call from the schizophrenic guy she takes care of. The fake caller was yelling and Pam pointed out that he has Tourettes now too. Howard let Pam go a short time later. Pam said she has been wanting to tell him for 30 years what he means to her. Howard thanked her.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if he has watched the end of Tulsa King yet. Howard said not yet. He said don't ruin it for him. Ralph said that show is really good. He said they put out such awful shows and then they only put out 9 episodes of this great show. He said it's too much. Howard said go back to sleep. He said he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Howard said when you have nothing to do all day you have nothing to think about other than this. He hung up on Ralph as he was getting back to complaining about Paramount+.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he loves him and all but he has to tell him that his gold standard doesn't do him justice. He said these guys all do podcasts because of him. He said they always mention his show on other shows. He said he has affected everything out there. He said there's nothing higher than him. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said he has to get to this Judge Jeanine Pirro thing. He said she had her own show but that was canceled after 4 seasons. He said she's been on yelling about the borders and things like that on The Five on FOX News. He played some audio of her complaining about the border problem.
Howard said that got them thinking about what that show would sound like if they let her say whatever she wants. Howard said they got a guy to come on the fake show. He said Wolfie met this guy at a convenience store in Philly. He said his name is Mike.
Howard said this is the dude talking to fake Jeanine. He played the clip and Mike told fake Jeanine about how he had a dream and he was old that Biden is the antichrists. He said there's a lot going on and Jesus loves everyone but he thinks that the illegal immigrants are evil so send them back.
Howard said fake Judge Jeanine moved on to play a game with Mike. She had him go off on subjects like COVID. Mike said there is no COVID and he thinks that Biden is poisoning people with the planes that are all flying low these days. He had all kinds of conspiracy theories.
Mike went off on abortion and how people should be locked up and aborted themselves. Howard said these two were made for each other. Robin said this guy is out walking around. She said he's out there in the world. She said they didn't make him up.
Howard said next up on the radio show was Deportation Roulette. He played the clip where fake Judge Jeanine played a game with Mike where he had to decide who could stay and who should go. She played some clips of some fake people and one was a pedophile, the other was a woman from Mexico who works in a shelter to feed the homeless. She said she'll be killed if she goes home. Mike chose to save the pedophile because he was an American and that's all that mattered to him.
Howard said there you go. He said this show is some show. Howard said they had Mike read some advertisements for the fake Judge Jeanine show. He played the clip of Mike reading the lines they had written for him. Mike read a bunch of dopey nonsense.
Howard said he thinks that people should live forever. He said if we all live forever we have to stop with the procreation so we can stop the number of people we have here on this planet. He said they'd all have to agree to not have more kids. Robin said you can't leave it to people to do that. Howard said maybe it should just be him who lives forever. He said he has no problems if he lives forever. He said there's a lot to living and it's a lot to negotiate.
Howard asked if Robin had a good weekend. Robin said yes. Howard asked if she hears a noise. Robin asked what it is. Howard asked if she hears something. Robin asked where. Howard said in his head. He said it's not a big deal actually.
Howard asked what Robin did. She said she watched some movies and said she was staying on her routine of getting exercise and meditating. She said she's charting whatever she needs to chart. Howard asked if she goes to the gym. Robin said she goes to her basement to work out.
Howard said Robin was asked to go out to dinner in Manhattan. He asked what she was thinking when she accepted. Robin said she wanted to be a normal person and she wasn't thinking. She said she was asked to go out and she said yes for tomorrow. She said then she started thinking about this new variant and how contagious it is and she's going to back out. Howard said these people are trying to kill her. Robin said she has managed not to get sick so far and now it's all over New York so she may write and say she can't. Howard said Lisa Marie Presley used to go to restaurants so just think about that.
Howard said he's glad Robin didn't do too much over the weekend. Robin said she wants to see the movie with the doll but she talked herself out of that. Howard said that should be on some streaming service in the next month or so. He said continue to do nothing and stay safe. He said she'll get out of the house in another 5 years or so.
Howard said they've done enough show today. He said he didn't read anything in the mail. He said he can do that. He read through some fan feedback. He said someone wrote in about how they haven't been able to listen due to hearing loss but they got to see the Springsteen interview on HBO with subtitles and it was really good. Howard said that's nice to hear.
Howard said Tabitha Stevens wished him a happy birthday. He thanked her for that. He said she was always naked in the studio and he always enjoyed looking at her. He said she would do whatever they wanted in there and she was naked. He said it was awesome. He wondered if she's still in good shape like she used to be. Robin said she's not sure but she used to work on that body constantly. She said she was no Bobo. Howard said she went to 9 different gyms.
Howard read about the Mariann from Brooklyn fight with Chris Wilding last week. They got some feedback about that. Howard said Mariann called Dr. Now at his real office and she gave him a number to the voicemail so he could leave a message for him. Howard played the message that Dr. Now left for him for free and not through Cameo or anything like that.
Howard read some fan feedback about J.B. Smoove's visit last week. He had a bunch of positive comments about that.
Howard said they got a lot of feedback about the discussion they had about Austin Butler being stuck in his Elvis voice. Howard said people like it when he does his Elvis voice too.
Howard said Matt Friend was there at the Golden Globes and he got interviews with a bunch of people including Austin Butler. Howard played some audio of Matt doing his impression of Austin as Elvis. Howard said it was like dueling Elvis'.
Howard said then Matt had fake Howard Stern interview fake Austin Butler on Instagram. Howard played that clip too. Howard said that was something. He said he has that impression down. Robin said he's nailing Austin as Elvis too. Howard did his impression of Matt doing his impression of him.
Howard said Matt sent this message to them thanking them. Matt was at the Golden Globes and he said his entire time at the Golden Globes people were mentioning to him that he was the Fake Howard Stern. He said everyone knew him from Hollyweird Squares. He said it's unbelievable what they've done for him. He said people were yelling out Howard Stern and Hey Now! to him when he was getting his picture taken.
Howard said people also loved the Home Alone prank call that Richard made. He had some feedback about that as well. Howard said it's getting late and he has to conserve energy so he's going to wrap it up. He did more of his Matt Friend impression before ending the show. They were done around 10:15am.
Howard said he was asked to be in a betting pool and he just doesn't think he has the time for it. He said people ask him what he's up to and he's busy on DailyMail looking at women in their bikinis. He said he loves it. He said he spends a lot of time in there doing that. He said he has to do it for the show though. He said it's show prep.
Howard said he likes the Kardashians and he was online looking at them. He said the real beauty is Kendall Jenner. He said she got Bruce Jenner's looks. He said she models and she's very good looking. Howard said there are a lot of women who claim to be models online but they're really not. He said they're basically just in their own bikinis and not professional models. He said Kendall is a real model on occasion. He said she's also a celebrity model. He said she's very good looking.
Howard said recently there was a picture of Kendall and she has a bodyguard holding an umbrella over her head. He said instead of holding her own umbrella she's got this guy holding it for her. He said this is what he likes to study. He said he has been in this situation where someone will hold an umbrella for him. He said the few times it happened to him he didn't like it. He said it also doesn't work. He said he studied this picture of Kendall and he wondered if she has this guy hold it for her a lot. He said he studied it and tried to understand what was going on. He said he doesn't just accept the picture for what it is. He said he likes to know the back story.
Howard said he only trusts the DailyMail for these stories. He said he has other feeds like the Google news feed. He said it'll say something about someone wearing a see through dress and he'll click through. He said there's no picture of her in a see through dress. He said its annoying. He said it's a feed they provide and they shouldn't allow it. He said it's like false advertising. He said he's reading about the see through dress. He said he wants to see the picture you fucks.
Howard said he'll tell Beth about a headline and he spends 2 or 3 minutes of his life looking for it. He said he knows Google isn't going to show it to him. He said it's like going in and looking for something on YouPorn. He said when he types in You in his phone it won't go to YouPorn. He said it's every ''you'' but YouPorn. He said they're trying to protect kids from porn but every kid from the age of 5 knows what porn is.
Robin said she goes to something every day to look at something and she will click on something she thinks is the right place to be and her phone will send her to penises. Howard said good for you. He said she must be looking for that. Robin said she'll click on it and they just come up in there. She said if she gets the right sight she'll still click on it and it'll be penises.
Howard said he didn't know this band Maneskin. He said they won some show over in Europe. He said they did a cover of a Frankie Valli song and he liked it. He said he looked for the song and now he gets a lot of Maneskin results in his searches. He said this one girl in the band wears these things to cover up her nips and she shows most of her boobs.
Howard said he liked this version of this song. He played the song he was talking about. It was ''Beggin'' by Maneskin. He said he knew the original version. He said he thought the band was interesting but now the internet thinks he's the number 1 Maneskin fan. He said he spends 90 percent of his day watching their videos.
Howard said they're a good band and he saw Tom Morello collaborating with them. Howard said they're going to do a special for them during Grammy Weekend. He said you'll see. He said this is their other big song. He played their song ''I Wanna Be Your Slave''. He said he likes that the bass player shows tittie. He said that he actually doesn't know if he likes nudity mixed with music.
Howard said he was looking at YouPorn and they had a description that was wrong. He said they said it was one thing and it turned out to not be what they said it was. Howard said he's not sure why they do that. He said the video he ended up watching was a video of a woman who was being auditioned by this creepy dude to be in their Yoga pants ad. He said it was her getting scammed into this ad. He said the woman was good looking but very tiny. He said he doesn't like tiny women that much but she was good looking. He said the guy asked what she weighed and she was talking in European terms. He didn't understand any of that.
Howard said this guy hands her the outfit to wear and she asks for privacy and he says no. He said she got naked and then got dressed again. He said one thing leads to another and then he asks her to turn around and do exercises. He said she starts doing that and he fast forwards. He said he went too far and the guy asked her to blow him and she said she would like to. He said she blows him and then she takes off her Yoga pants and they have sex. He said he's not a fan of blow jobs. He said he just wants to see the sex part.
Howard got Matt Friend on the phone and Matt was doing his Howard impression and Howard was doing his impression of him doing the impression. Howard asked if he's doing his impression or is he doing his own voice. Matt said he has no idea at this point.
Howard said he does an impression of the impression. Robin said that's what he's doing. Matt said he must find it kind of soothing. Howard said he finds during the day he hears himself doing things he does. He said he does hear it. Howard asked if he thinks he could make a living doing a Howard impression. Matt said he thinks that he could. He said that's based on what happened at the Golden Globes.
Howard said he noticed when he did the Hollyweird Squares he has an outdated wig. He asked if he needs the long hair. Matt said he thinks that he might need to get a newer wig for the modern Howard Stern. He said there's a lot of respect that comes from doing his voice. Howard said he was very funny on Hollyweird Squares. He said he does a good job. He said he is in a universe of almost zero Howard Stern impersonators. He said he has his own lane. Matt said yes. He said he's carving it out. He said they're very popular on TikTok. He said he thinks people think he's Howard Stern on there. Howard said he's on Instagram and they have tons of clips of Beetlejuice on there. He said he's huge online. He said there's a ton of tape from their old shows. He said they never credit him. He said they just cut him out and have Beetlejuice talking.
Robin asked why Matt called in today. Matt said he's horribly lonely but he also wanted to call in and let them know how much people love him doing Howard. He said he's very well known from doing that now.
Howard asked Matt if he's getting laid from this. Matt said not at all. Howard said he's a good looking guy so he should be able to get someone. Matt said he's not sure if he can get Tom Brady's girlfriend.
Howard asked if he has any new impressions. Matt said he's been working on Paul Dano. Howard said he's not sure who that is. Matt said he played The Riddler and other characters. Matt said he's also doing Ron DeSantis. Howard had him do that impression. Howard said he's realizing that he's not sure what the real Ron sounds like. He said he heard he does a Paul Giamatti. Matt said he does that and he has a bit he does but he has a hard time doing that impression. He said he confuses his character from Billions and John Adams. He did some of that impression mixing the two together.
Howard said he really has to go. He said he's doing a great job. Matt said he'd like to go and do some interviews for the show. Howard said that would be great. He said he has to let this guy go. He said now the guy is his best friend. He does like him though. He said he seems like a nice guy. Robin said he does. Howard said he's just having fun getting some recognition.
Robin asked if Howard saw Madonna's announcement about her new tour. She said that Amy Schumer and others were there. She said that Eric Andre was also there. She said he's the accessory these days.
Howard said he's not sure who Paul Dano is. He said he knows he watched the latest Batman. Robin said he's been in a bunch of things. Howard asked if there's high demand for a Paul Dano impression. Robin said she doesn't know. She said she's not sure there is.
Howard said he was talking about porn. He said maybe he's said enough about that. He said this young lady with the Yoga pants enjoyed the blow job and getting banged by the guy. He said he just got a note from the guys saying the clip was from a web site that says they have no fat chicks. Howard said they give you a preview of the women and he never clicks on women who are out of shape. He said he clicks on the ideal women.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he's not hearing his voice when Matt does his impression. He said it's an Alan Alda. He said that he's now starting to sound like his impression. Howard said he's doing a good impression and he's got something there. He said there is something there. Ralph said its not a great impression but he has a little something. Howard said he's in a lane alone and he's the greatest Howard Stern impersonator. Ralph did his impression of Matt's impression a little bit.
Howard took a call from fake Paul Dano (Chris Wilding) asking a few questions. Howard bailed on that after a few seconds.
Howard said he really can't remember this Paul Dano character. Robin told him who he was and some of the lines he had. Howard said he really doesn't care. Robin said she was just trying to let him know. Howard said maybe he has Alzheimer's.
Howard said he went to the doctor and they wanted to test him for Alzheimer's. He said he doesn't want to know about that. He said no one in his family had it so he'd rather not know. He said he's not going to find out he's about to lose his mind. He said he's not sure what he would do if he found that out.
Howard said that shit is weird and it scares him. He said he doesn't have the balls to kill himself. He said Robin Williams did that. He said he had some fucked up disease and he took himself out. He said he doesn't have the ability to do that. He said he'd rather not talk about it. He did his impression of Matt doing his impression of him as he talked about that.
Howard said he was thinking about how much time they waste on this show. He said they take audiobooks and edit them down to make celebrities say crazy stuff. He said they did this with the Prince Harry book ''Spare'' and made him say some stuff. Howard and Robin talked a little bit about the book and what Prince Harry revealed in it. Howard said if he were a Royal he'd just enjoy it. He said it seems like a dream. Robin said it seems like they're a bunch of petty people. She said they're a bunch of petty idiots who carry on about dresses. Howard said it seems like Harry came here just to complain and write a book about the Royal family. He said he's not sure why anyone even cares. He said all he and his wife do is sit around and complain. He said there are enough people who want to end the monarchy and he's just fucking it up for the family. He said that's why they're upset with him. He said you write something shitty about your family and they're going to get upset with you.
Howard said the audiobook came out and they fucked with it. He said he thinks it's funny they fuck with the books like this. Howard said this is Harry talking about his wife Meghan. He played the edited clip where they had Prince Harry talking about where his wife keeps his balls. Howard said there you go.
Howard played another clip where Harry talked about the queen making his wife sit there while she took a royal doody. Howard said they spend months on this stuff.
Howard said this is Harry talking about leaving the family. In that clip they had Harry talking about how most of the time he was sitting on his ass doing nothing in the castle. The had Harry talking about how he looks like Carrot Top and his semen isn't orange like some people think it is, it's white just like poor people's cum.
Howard said this is Harry talking about being jealous of his brother. He played that and the had Harry talking about how unfair life is after getting his super hot wife.
Howard had a clip of Harry talking about his dad fucking Camilla and how he's rather stick his penis in a big elephant.
Howard said it's a wonderful book. He played another clip where they had Harry talking about what they called Camilla when they were growing up. They had him insulting her.
Howard said he thinks in 2 years he's going to do every show. He said he'll show up on this show in like 2 years. Robin said he did say he has enough material for another book.
Howard said this is a clip where Harry has a visit from his wife Meghan Markle. He played the clip and they had her saying ''abandon your family and give me some money'' a few times. Then they had her short circuiting and exploding when he gave her money.
Howard said that's the classic love story. He said he might buy a copy of that. He said that in his Matt Friend impression. Howard said they're going to take a break and get to Stephen A. Smith. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said this is Tom Morello and grandson. He said he heard this on Lithium. He said this song rocks. He asked if he's right or wrong. Robin didn't have her microphone on so she had to turn that on.
Howard said Stephen A. Smith is there. He said he knows about sports and life. He said he's done it all and said it all and now he's put it in a book. Stephen said he didn't do a sports book like people thought he might. He said he talks about his life and his story. He said it took him all these years but he finally got it done. Howard said he thinks this is the better book. He said that he has already done the sports thing. He said he likes a back story. He said it's not an easy road.
Howard said that he was struck by the story about being left back in 4th grade. He said he had dyslexia and he found it fascinating that he went on to be a sports writer. He said that must be the toughest job. Stephen said the book is dedicated to his mother. He said that he got left back twice. He said he was held back for the entire 4th grade. He said in third grade he went to summer school. He said he brings that up because he was the only one. He said everyone was laughing at him. He said the next summer he was left back again.
Howard asked if that was embarrassing to have in his book. He said he must have some hesitation. Stephen said not at all. He said that he doesn't think like that. He said he sits in a chair and doesn't talk about their personal business but he does hold them accountable. He said there are a lot of personal things he won't get involved with but he can hold his head high because of that. He said when he thinks about his life he thinks people have a right to know what he endured. He said you have to hold people accountable.
Howard asked who taught him to read and write and all of that. Stephen said his older sister Linda was there for him. He said she loved her little brother and she took it upon herself to tutor him every day. He said he had a friend named Ronnie who had an older brother who helped. He said he was over there all the time. He said it was his sister Linda and Tiver who helped him get through all of that. He said he got an internship at a newspaper and they took him under their wing there too.
Howard said when school is saying you're stupid do you think you're stupid or what. Stephen said he was sitting on his back porch hearing his parents talking about him and they thought he was going nowhere. He said that's when the motivation kicked in. He said it's 40 years later now and he's where he's at now. He said he won't sit back and let his father think that about him. He said it put a work ethic in him that has never left.
Howard said there are a lot of kids who would crumble over that. He said they can't overcome that. He said your father is saying you're shit. He asked what it is about him that motivated him. Stephen said he may not have said fuck you but he had the impression that his father wanted him to fail. He said he wanted him to be nothing. He said his father wanted to be the best man in the house. He said he did not want him to be better than him.
Howard said you can have parents who are jealous of their kids. He said that's what he may have had. He said that the only way he could feel good about himself was to put him down. Stephen said he thinks that's accurate. He said that there is no question about it. He said he went to school and he had to practice stuff for class and his father would not let him do that. He said that he didn't let him get a car. He said his father didn't want him to be anything. He said he had a lot more defiance in him as he got older. He said he wanted to prove him wrong.
Howard said Stephen's father was an alcoholic and his mother worked her ass off. He said that he was eating government cheese and all of this shit. He said his father never offered to help out with the bills. He said he took it out on his son too. Stephen said you can say that. He said he was completely demoralized. He said that his brother left the house when he turned 17. He said he passed away in 1992 in a car accident. He said his four sisters are still around. He said they saw a person who was trying to enjoy himself and his life at their expense. He said his father once said to his cousin Derek that he gave him his sperm when Derek said he had never done anything for his son. He said that's all his father felt he was obligated to do.
Howard said he has an unbelievable story. He said his father was living off his mother and he had a whole second family. He asked when he met his half brother. Stephen said he may have been like 17. He said he had just landed in the airport in Texas. He said he talks about all of this in his book. He said some little kid came up to him and jumped in his arms. He said he had no idea who he was. He said it turned out to be his little brother. He said his father didn't give him a warning or anything. Stephen said his father's mistress was in the front seat of the car so he had to sit in the back. He said he had to think about his mother when all of this was going on. He said he didn't think his father would pull up in front of the house with her. He said they dropped him off a couple of blocks from the house. He said his father told him not to tell his mother. He said the first thing he asked his mother was if his father dropped him off and if he was by himself. Stephen said he said yes and lied to her. He said it was the only lie he ever told his mother. He said he was trying to protect her. He said he wasn't scared of his father.
Stephen said he still loved his father. Howard asked why. He said he has heard guys say this but he's not sure how. Stephen said it's recognition that he is still his dad no matter how he feels. He said his mother is his mama. He said that this man was still his dad and he had to respect him as much as he can. He said he appreciates him asking that question. He said you recognize who they are and the role they played in your life. He said you have to respect him. He said the bible says you must honor thy father.
Howard said the bible is a way of controlling us. He said this guy didn't give you lessons in being a man. He said he has every right to be upset with him. He said he tried to destroy him. Stephen said he has never harbored animosity toward him in the way he treated him. He said it was just he way he treated his mother. He said this is his kid's grandfather he's talking about and you can't push forward living a lie. He said what his mother had to endure working the way she did was a lot. He said he was depressed when his mother died in 2017. He said everyone knew that the number 1 emotion he had was fury. He said that came from everything she had to put up with. He said he had come a long way and she missed out on a lot that he had to offer her. He said the only salvation he has is that she might be in heaven. Howard said he finally had the means to give her a retirement and now he can't do it. Stephen said she wanted to go on a cruise a year and a fur coat. He said she wanted a diamond ring because she never got one. He said the ring she had he had gotten for her. He said he wanted to get her a house in St. Thomas. He said she loved it there. He said he wanted to get her a home there. He said she refused to take it.
Howard said his father outlived his mother. Stephen said yes by 14 months. Howard said when he got successful did his father try to change history. Stephen said yes. He said no one has asked him that. He said he most certainly did. He said one day about 10 years ago his father was complaining about Christmas. He said he had sent his mother on a cruise. He said his father got The Club for his steering wheel. He said his father asked what the hell this is. He said he asked why that is. He said it's because he ain't mom. He said that led to an argument about what kind of father he was. He said he went in on him and said that he did this and that over the years. He said his uncle told his dad to just shut the fuck up and stop arguing because he can't win this one.
Howard said the book is called Straight Shooter: A Memoir of Second Chances and First Takes and calling yourself a straight shooter is right. He said that's what he did with his father. He said that he wasn't able to do that with his father. He said that many people can't be a straight shooter.
Stephen said that one day he came home from school and his mother was crying. He said he had never seen her cry before. He said he asked what was wrong. He said his mother asked him why he lied to her. He said she found out about the mistress the next day. He said that he shrunk and felt so small being caught red handed. Howard asked if he told her why he did that. Stephen said he did but his mother told him that his father called home to St. Thomas to his sisters and he was choking back tears because he was so ecstatic about Stephen meeting his little brother. He said his mother didn't want them to meet. He said that she was upset about that meeting. He said they didn't want a relationship with them. He said his mother was dogged about that. He said that his father went and did that and his sisters were very close to his mother and they called and told her. He told his mother what really happened. He said she wanted to confront his father but he said it was his time to step up. He said he went to his father in his bedroom and asked his mother to leave. He said he's 17 years old and he told his father what he told his mother. He said he told his father that he will never come before mom. He said anyone who comes up against his mother is going to lose.
Howard asked how his father wanted him to get along with his other family so much. He said it must have been because he wanted him to normalize it. Stephen said yes. He said that they talk a lot about black men being good fathers. He said when there isn't a good father there is no excuse for them. He said these kids didn't ask to be here. He said you have an obligation. He said when you see the love for their mothers they know that the father wasn't there for them and their mother was.
Howard asked if he's pissed at his mother for staying with this man for 59 years. Stephen said no but his sisters felt that way. Howard said you have to ask why your mother didn't protect you from this man. He said this guy is the worst kind of person. He said there must be a part of him that thinks his mother didn't stand up to this guy for him. Stephen said he will say this. He said that his father was not vicious as Howard describes him. He said his father made them laugh a lot. He said he didn't pay bills or show up 4 days of the week. He said in some way he had them entertained. He said secondly his sisters definitely felt the way Howard said. He said that they wondered why mom didn't protect them from this man. He said they saw him do things. He said his mother always defended him so he felt protected by her. He said the only time she stood up was for him. He said that his mother was his ultimate protector.
Howard said the one thing he can say about the old man is that he loved sports. He said to have anything with him he had to love sports. He said that's why he got into this line of work. Howard said he was good at basketball too. Stephen said he was able to play but he wasn't that great. Howard said he did walk on and made the team. Stephen said he had a full scholarship. He said he did have a little game. Howard said he did. He said the old man must have seen that. He said he must have understood that. Stephen said in the book he highlights that his teacher knew he wasn't dumb. He said he knew that he would be a super star if he could find his direction in life. He said he grew more knowledgeable about sports and his father saw where he was going. He said that if you're talking about stuff in the house about life and politics and he was able to have conversations. He said that came to fruition in 2018 when his father passed. He said his sisters were talking about how he had to be around his mom more and he didn't think he did. He said he didn't think she was really sick and she just wanted attention. He said he sat down in front him and asked what the fuck he just said. He said that she had 2 months to live. He said his father apologized. He said that he didn't respect his sisters as women.
Howard asked why he started talking to his father because he had stopped for years. Stephen said his mother wanted him to. He said she didn't want him to hold that grudge. He said they had stopped when his brother had passed away in 1992. Howard said now he prefers to drive himself because his brother wasn't driving himself. Stephen said his brother was a passenger in a van and he was sleeping when the crash happened. He said that he does prefer to drive himself now.
Stephen said that his mother passed his money over to his father when she got sick. He said that upset the family. He said his mother had a heart of gold. He said that she had a heart that most people don't have. He said that he stopped talking to his father when his brother died because he died not knowing if his father loved him. He said that he had no right to the money he was getting. He said he told his dad that if he took the money from mom then he was on the wrong side and he was losing them. He said he didn't think he was serious. He said for about 18 years or so he had nothing to say to him.
Howard asked how scared he was when he had kids. He asked how much of his father is in him and did he try to undo the shit his father did to him. Stephen said he cried for about 2 years and he had to go on TV and do his show. He said he had to tell his boss that he was thinking about his parents all the time. He said he'd go a minute without hearing what the other person was saying to him. He said he was disguising himself well but he went to therapy and told her that he was a mess. He said it got to a point where he had all these people in his life but he was missing his mother. He said he had attitude with people. He said that he had friends who looked at him and said it was uncomfortable at times watching him on television. He said he was getting on folks and something wasn't right. He said he knew what it was and he didn't tell anybody. Howard asked if the therapist gave him any medication. Stephen said she just talked to him. He said one time she asked him why he doesn't cry in front of her. He said he said it's accountability. He said he's crying when he's sad but he's not that way when he's accountable. He said the one person who loved him unconditionally is gone. He said he's left to figure all of this out alone. He said he is married with two daughters and he has 15 nieces and nephews and all of this. He said he's the patriarch of the family and it got to a point where he had to weed people out of his life. He said he was blaming people for things because they never knew what he had with his mother. He said he had to get through this and he didn't want them in his life.
Howard said he likes these two guys who said that it was tough to watch him on TV. He said a lot of people would have gotten protective. He said that he accepted their criticism.
Howard said maybe it would have been good to have a male therapist. Stephen said maybe. He said he has a lot of male influences in his life that have helped. He named a bunch of them. Stephen said that he got a lot of advice from these people and they were big help.
Howard asked Stephen about getting to be more and more famous and how he becomes friendly with these players. He asked if he worries as a journalist that he may not be able to criticize them. He said that it must be hard to deal with that. Howard asked how hard it is to be critical. Stephen said that it can be hard for most but not for him. He said before friendship takes place the boundaries are set. He said you can always come to him and tell him your story. He said if you tell him to shut up and not tell something he won't tell it. He said what you do on the field is something that's his domain. He said you won't compromise what he sees out there. He said Kobe did scare him. He said he scared the living shit out of him. He said he was a Savant and no one knew more about basketball than Kobe. He said he misses him so much. He said he got a voicemail from him once and he said ''You know who this is motherfucker... get up and call me right now.'' he said he would say something along the lines of the way he was being selfish and Kobe would call him up and call him out on that. He said Kobe would go off on him about not knowing what he's talking about. He said he'd tell him that they were talking about him and call him out on what he did. He said Kobe would say he has no idea why he loves his ass. He said he would say ''love you'' and hang up. Howard said what an honor to have someone so invested in what you're saying.
Stephen said he has to share this too. He said he did fight back tears. He said he's a die hard Knicks fan. He said they pissed him off. He said Isaiah Thomas was running the show and they were playing horribly. He said they went to Boston and lost by 45. He said he picked up the phone and he was near tears. He said he called Isaiah Thomas. He said he was the first guy to give him an interview in 1993. He said he was calling him to let him know they were playing like garbage. He said he had to call for him to be fired. He said he called him and said he had to do this. He said he had too much going on in his life and he can't be the coach of this team. He said Isaiah said to him that he could do his job and he understands. He said that he has a level of love for that guy to this day for that. He said it was so bad that he knew that he probably needed to go.
Stephen told another story about a guy who told him that he had to call it like he sees it. He said that's what he was told to do. He said he had to hold them accountable.
Howard said he got tears in his eyes about Isaiah Thomas. He said what a man. Howard asked if he's still friends. Stephen said they still talk all the time. He said he was a lot like Kobe. He said he'd call and curse him out just like Kobe.
Howard said so many people hold back on telling friends what they think. He said he does it. He said Stephen is able to do that but he could never make that phone call. He said it's like two highly evolved guys talking.
Stephen said he was validated by guys like these coaches who told him to hold them accountable. He said Michael Jordan is a brother and he loves that man too. He said that everyone should thank him for what he did for the game. He said people get on him thinking he can't take criticism. He said that he will cuss you out if you blind side him. He said if you call him and let him know how you feel and why then he has no problem with you. He said he's very big about that. He said that it's a complete misnomer about these guys. He said Shaq is another one. He said he's able to tell him what he thinks and he's fine with it. He said he once walked off the playoff line to him at a game and he asked what he needs to do. He said he told him to just abuse the guy who was covering him. He said that he went back into the game and he was dominant until the second quarter. He said then Kobe saw he was having a great game and threw it in the other direction.
Howard said you have to pinch yourself over a story like that. He asked if anyone has ever played the black card with him. Stephen said all the time. Howard said that has to be insulting. Stephen said it's not. He said when a brother comes up to you and says ''my brother'' they're just asking you to comprehend their perspective. He said it's not a personal thing. He said you're just being objective. He said Mike Tyson once talked about how volatile he could be toward people. He said he can accept it from a white guy but a black guy should know better.
Stephen said he tries to go to games but he doesn't have much time. He said he goes to games now to get people to talk to him. He said he's accessible there. He said he wants the athletes know they have the access to him. Howard said he's not afraid to be confronted by a fan or anyone. He said he is and he goes nowhere. He said this sounds very evolved to him. He said he loves his whole philosophy. He said with sports he looks at it and wonders why everyone is so worked up. He said that he never really followed sports that closely. He said that he never got passionate about it. He said he sees guys with this passion and he wonders why he doesn't have it. He said Stephen is the guy explaining to guys like him why it's great.
Stephen said nothing is great for everybody. He said he knows players who would give up their careers to sit where Howard is sitting. He said that's their gift. He said they maximize their potential. He said for him he's a sports writer and he's passionate about it but not nearly as passionate about it as being in a position to spread a message to the masses. He said that's what he wants to do. He said he uses sports to do that. He said he likes hearing Howard talking about his memoir and affecting so many lives. He said that is more important to him than a basketball or football.
Howard said he likes this book because he's talking about being a journalist. He said most people out there don't have this ability to do what he does. He said he respects his training. Stephen said he became a columnist in 2003. He said there was no social media back then. He said he wasn't able to express how he felt until he became a columnist. He said he felt like he was in a straight jacket. He said he had to work his way up though.
Stephen went through his history with Howard and how he earned his opinion. Howard said he thinks there is a good reason for him being the number one guy. He said he had that formal training and he had to write the articles without opinion. He said he had to do it that way first. Stephen said you have to cultivate a lot to get there. He said he has evolved too. He said he is a journalist. He said his credentials are there.
Howard said it must drive him nuts when they say he's just a rich asshole that doesn't know what it's like in the hood. Stephen said his exact words would be ''fuck you.'' He said there is no one who can question his resume. He said he has done everything these reporters are doing but he did it when it was harder. He said now you can just wait for a tweet and write an article about that. He said he had to break stories back in the day.
Howard said he likes a guy who had to go out and get that experience. He said to discount that is trivial.
Howard asked Stephen about Mad Dog Russo and if he goes crazy looking at his career and seeing what happened with him and Mike Francesa. He asked if he thinks about why they can't just get along. Stephen said they worked together for years and the divorce rate for that has to be over 50 percent. He said that you can't always stay together forever. He said they got tired of one another after 19 years. He said his respect for both is profound. He said they were pioneers in this business. He said he brought Mad Dog on his show and his producers didn't think he could even get him. He said Mad Dog was right there for him. He said he's going to have Mad Dog and Mike on his ESPN show together.
Howard said he knows they have to wrap this up but he likes the stories in the book. He said that his mother was in the room when he was negotiating with ESPN. He said she told him that he had to tone it down with them. He said she held a mirror up to him. Stephen said she did and he never forgot that. He said it was about accountability. He said you can't fix anything until you fix yourself. Howard gave him a plug for his book Straight Shooter: A Memoir of Second Chances and First Takes.
Howard said he loves the Knicks and he loves that they lose all the time because he gets his first floor seats. He asked what they can do to be better. Stephen said they do ask him. He said that they're not talking right now because the do piss him off. He said he is not banned from going to the games but he has banned himself. Stephen told Howard about what they could have done and how they didn't do what they should have. He went into a lot of detail about a player they should have brought to the team and how they screwed that whole thing up.
Howard said it's blowing his mind right now but he's talking about human being stuff. Stephen said that's what drives him crazy about the Knicks. He said he's doing them a favor by staying away from them. Howard said he has to come back next time and tell them who Tom Brady is having sex with. Stephen asked why. Gary interrupted and said they're freaking out right now and he really has to go. Robin said a few words to Stephen about how great he's been and Howard wrapped up a short time later. Howard said that was impressive. He said he made him feel like a wallflower.
Howard said he was thinking about Robin and how she could be Robin A. Smith. Robin said she's out of that game. She said there is no reason to try to get along with someone now. Howard said she could be Robin A. Quivers. Howard said what an inspiring guy he is. He said he knows real men love that guy. Robin said he knows everything about what they love.
Howard said Robin leaned something today. He said it's not often she does. He said she's already an expert.
Howard said he understands why Robin would want to date him. Robin said she never said that. Howard said that's right, he said it. He said he has to take a break. He said he'll come back and get to some things. He said he did not announce who won best phony phone call. He said he has to give an update on Bigfoot too. He said he has written a book as well. He said he didn't even know what he's calling his own book. He went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard came back and said he has some trivia about this song. He said Joni and James were dating at the time this song came out. He said they probably just banged before performing this song.
Howard had Beth in the studio. He said they can sing this song. Beth said the song is so good they should keep it going. Howard let it play more and sang along a little bit. He said they were so in love. He said he's not sure what happened to them. Robin said it's like Mad Dog and Mike.
Beth said it's cold in there. Howard said she looks hot because she's not wearing a lot. Beth said she's going to see her parents later. Howard said good luck with that.
Howard said Beth is there asking for help. Beth said they're in Florida and they have friends who have a sanctuary. She said there was an auction for pigs and they took this pig Bella home with them. She said they went up to pay for Bella and there was no signage that it was a termination auction which means you had to slaughter them. She said they were going to pick her up and they asked how the meat was going to be delivered. She said Bella was sent to the slaughterhouse and she wants to figure out how to get Bella to Eric and Meg today.
Howard said once you name a pig you can't slaughter it. He said he's read that they're as smart as a 3 year old. Howard said people fell in love with this pig. Beth said there was nothing up about it being a termination auction. She said these people want to bring Bella to their sanctuary. Beth said that the CEO of the fair was on the news yesterday. She said this woman speaking said it's the wrong message for children. She said she's trying to figure out why. Beth said they have to try to call this place and save Bella. Howard said he's not sure if he can do it. Beth said she has the name of the slaughterhouse. Howard said he's not sure what he can do other than call them. Robin said the can call and ask if there's anything they can do.
Beth said she just wants them to pardon this pig please. Howard said give the number to Gary and see what he can do. He said he has to call and ask if the can have someone on the air. He said he can't just throw someone on the air. Gary said he will call and let Howard know. Howard said he'll try to talk his usual thing. Beth said Meg and Eric are willing to pay to save Bella. Howard said this is so crazy. Robin said if the people bought the pig they should be able to do with it what they want.
Howard said he's going to handle this. He said that maybe Governor DeSantis can step in and pardon the pig. He said he'd think highly of him if he runs for president in the future.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said they should boycott the South Florida fair. She said if you can't keep a pig safe and sound that's not good. Mariann had some suggestions for what they can do. Mariann said she just tweeted out the story to her followers. Howard asked what Mariann would say if she called DeSantis. Mariann said she's going to say that she's a big Howard and Beth fan. Howard cut her off and told her to try again. Mariann had a different take and said that maybe he'd be more human looking if he pardoned this pig. Robin said maybe that's not the right approach either. Mariann said she knows what to do.
Howard took a call from a guy named Mike who lives near the fair. He said he can get the pig and he'll get it and bring it home. Beth said they have a truck for the pig.
Gary said he spoke to someone and they did not want to come on the air. He said they don't want to get involved. Gary said he didn't ask if the pig is still alive. Howard said maybe he can talk to the guy off the air. Gary said he'll ask.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Greta Thunberg who was saying they have to save this pig so she can run and laugh. Howard asked how they can do this. Greta said that she's in jail and she has to get out like Bella has to get out. Howard said he did read that she is in jail. Greta said that they're spreading coal all over the planet. Fake Greta was going on and on about that. She said she had a hamster in her vagina that was going to help her chew her way out. Howard shut her out in the middle of that bit.
Howard said they're going to get this pig out. He said he sees Beth is getting upset.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that its not easy to get an injunction to get this pig out but there may be a way to get an emergency action. He said he's a lawyer down there and he's near the fair down there. He said it's a fucked up place. Beth said she just wants the pig to have a home. Howard said they feel bad. He said they just want to save one pig.
Gary said that he called back and he didn't pick up again. He said he left two messages. Robin asked who else they can call. The attorney said he can call some people down there to try to get some help. Howard asked if he can call them for him and try to put out the word. The caller, Greg, said he'll do that.
Gary said there's a woman they spoke to about 6 or 8 months ago who is in congress. He said they left a message with her. Howard said they know her and she is a big deal. Beth said she's going to make some calls too.
Howard said he gave Beth some hickeys the other night. Beth said that she had to cover them up with makeup. Howard said he had his mouth on her neck and he was kind of biting her and he may have gotten carried away. Howard said he's sure her dad wouldn't like to see that. He said he gets passionate with his love making. He said he loves her.
Howard said he has a few things to get to and he'll be done with the show. Howard said he hates these stories. He said the pig could have a great life. He said they have a bunny and all these cats. Beth said she's so upset. Howard said he's on it. He said his fans know what to do. Howard said they have to come through and save that pig. He said you don't have to join a concierge service or anything.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he's fascinated with this pig. He said they have to run over to the slaughterhouse and get the pig. Howard said it's very well publicized and he thinks that maybe someone will do something. Howard said maybe they'll get it done before it's slaughtered. He said it's in the news so people know what's going on. Howard said it didn't have to be such a big deal. Howard said the story is in the news now so people know.
Howard said he's just trying to save the pig's life. He said the pig had an outfit on and then they want to slaughter it. He said the story is that this family named the pig and they had a whole personality thing with her. The guys put a shot of the pig up for them to see. Howard said this sanctuary saw the pig and they put a bid in for it and they wanted it for their sanctuary. He said the auction people said the pig has to die. He said it's a weird thing. He said they could let the pig go.
Ralph said its really twisted that they'd want to see a pig in an outfit killed. Howard said he knows if he went to sit down with these people he'd get through to them. Ralph said he really liked the Stephen A. Smith interview. He said he was riveted with everything that came out of his mouth. He said that it was really good. He said he's a fan of his now. Howard said he is too. He said the guy he met today was highly evolved and lovely. He said he was very moved by him.
Ralph said he knows a lot about fathers who weren't very good. He said it's not easy to stand up to a man like that. He said he knows. Howard said they have to get on this pig story now.
Howard said he has a couple of people who want to talk about Stephen and pigs. He took a call from a guy who said that he thought the Stephen A. Smith interview was really good and it made him a bigger fan. He said it's comparable to his Bruce Springsteen interview. He said it was a short form version of that. He said he'd like to trade Rooster for Bella. Howard said he'd be willing to trade Benjy for Bella.
Howard said when he was talking to Stephen he was thinking about Bruce and how he dealt with his childhood. He said he thought the two of them had a lot in common. He said he was impressed with him like he was with Bruce.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she'd like to donate $1,000 to save Bella. Howard said they don't even have to do that. He said the sanctuary has already put the money up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he feels bad about Bella. He said he spoke to someone from the fair and they spent $5,000 on it and they knew that it had to go to slaughter. Howard said he has to say that ever since Trump they don't have to follow the laws. He said that Trump didn't pay taxes and he encouraged the insurrection. He said if those laws can be broken then break this law. He said that they don't have to send the pig to slaughter. He said let the pig go live in the sanctuary. He said this is the law they're going to follow while the rest of the country is lawless. He said we live in this country where this woman was put in Congress and she was advocating that Jews are putting space lasers in the sky and controlling the weather in California. He said this is what's happening.
Ron from Florida said that the fair would be breaking the law if they did this. Howard said they don't put you in jail for trying to overthrow an election so save one pig. He said the laws are pushed aside so push this one aside. He said he has nothing against the fair or the slaughterhouse. He said we do eat animals in this country. He said this good Samaritan wants to save one fucking pig so let them save one pig.
Jason said they spoke to senator Tina Polsky and she wasn't aware of this. He said she is now and she's going to look into this. Howard said maybe Beth can speak to her. Jason said he can get her the information.
Howard said he knows lots of pigs die every day but let one live. He said people are carrying on. He went into his Matt Friend impression of himself for a second saying ''Right Robin'' in that slightly off voice.
Howard asked how he met her. Jon said it was on a dating app. He said he kind of slid into her DMs. Howard asked if he'd like to see what Jacqueline looks like. Jon said he would. Jacqueline said she was on the show years ago. She said she looks better now than she did back then though. She said she was on the show back then and she was naked. Jon said he's going to pass on the naked picture. He said he appreciates it. Jacqueline said she did strip down in the contest. Howard asked if she was in the Miss Butterface contest. She said no. She said Ralph was really nice to her back then.
Howard said he'll keep her name on file and if Jon breaks up then he'll pass her information along to him. He said every one of Jon's relationships has failed so far. Jon said that this one may last. He said he is 51 now and he's getting to be an old man. He said the first time he went out with this girl he broke out sweating in front of her. He said he had to go wipe down in the bathroom. He said he had to use the toilet paper wrapper.
Howard said he's not sure if this would work out. Jacqueline said she would like to leave her information with them. She said that she likes the stuff that Jon has done on the show.
Howard asked if she was in the miss Amputee contest. She said she was not. Howard said they'll take down her number and get it to Jon if he breaks up with this other woman.
Robin asked how long Jon was engaged. Jon said it was for a little while. He said it was a bummer when that didn't work out. He said he's not sure what's going on with this new girl. He said he's really taken with her.
Howard asked if Jacqueline was in the biggest clit contest. Jacqueline said she was not. Howard asked if she was in the fuck my granddad contest. She said she was not. Robin said they didn't do that. Howard said they actually did. Howard asked if she was in the bloodiest tampon contest. Jacqueline said no to that too.
Robin asked how old she is. Howard said he's done with this. He said they'll take her number and give it to Jon if he breaks up. Howard told the guys to find her nude pictures and let him know about that.
Howard wished Jon luck with the girl he's dating now. He said this boy has had some sex. He said next week Pamela Anderson will be in. He said he hasn't seen her in a long time. He said he watched her documentary and he's not sure where it was. Gary said it is on Netflix. He said he's not sure if its on there yet. Howard said Pam will be on Wednesday. He said she's written a book too.
Howard said it's getting late and he gets very cranky when it's late. He said on Monday they can give the Bigfoot update. He said he wrote a 15 page book of non stop action. He said they'll talk about that next week. Howard said he will also do the rundown on the best phony phone call of 2022. He said they have a lot going on. He said he has to go rescue a pig. He said they have to get on that.