Today's show was over around 11:30am.
Howard said he ended up being a crazy old man. He said he had a couple of strokes and whatever he's got going on. He said his mother was in the hospital and he got her out yesterday. He said his daughter, Ashley, set his mom up at home. He said she old him that grandpa was screaming about who these people are and telling them to get the fuck out. He said she's not thrown by it because she's a nurse practitioner. He said she's seen this before. He said she calmed him down and his mother down. He said what a saint that kid is. He said she's his star. He said he was in tears over that.
Howard said there was an article in the Wall Street Journal about how people over 80 are taking care of their parents. He said that's how long people are living. He said it's crazy. He said people are worrying about money and saving up for your own old age. He said you had better have a couple billion in the bank to take care of yourself and your parents. He said it's depressing.
Howard said you should see the medication his mother is on. He said it's crazy. He said Ashley had to organize all of that for her. Howard read the article about the people who are taking care of their elderly parents. Howard said he's just about ready to be taken care of. He said his mom asked his dad for some money for a gift to send out and his father didn't give it to her because he's worried about something happening to Howard and needing the money for him.
Robin said you have to have a conversation with yourself about when life isn't worth it. Howard said he thinks that might be right now. He said he had some weekend. He said he was on the phone with doctors and care givers. He said Beth is watching it all go down like a horror movie. He said this is his burden and she doesn't know what to do. Howard said his daughter was over helping his mom out until late last night. He said it's crazy. He said it's a lot on his sister too.
Howard said it wasn't a relaxing President's day weekend. He said welcome to his nightmare as Joey Ramone said. He said his mother kept saying she wants to die. He said she used to do that when he was a kid. He said he asked her once if she wants to die he can find a doctor for her. He said he was doing that to shock her out of her depression. He said he told her he'd find her a doctor to help her die but she said she doesn't really want that because it's a sin against God. He said she wants God to take her instead. He said that she's evidently not paying attention to her. He said they say that his mother is fine and they can't find anything wrong with her. He said they have to figure this thing out because she doesn't really want to go.
Howard said his mother is into the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and he says if you take your own life then you're destined to come back and re-live the same kind of life again. He heard that and said that sounds okay to him.
Howard said he's running out of options for his mom. He said he's not sure what to do. He said he told her she can move in with him. He said she doesn't want to live with him though. He said that's another option out the window. He said he thought she was way into him but evidently not. He said no one wants to live with him. He said it's not fun.
Howard said he brought Robin up to his mom. He said she had cancer and she won't complain about it. He said she has plenty of pain and she won't complain about it. He said his mom didn't want to hear that. He said she doesn't care what Robin does. He said medicine is getting too good. He said they have to dial it back. Robin said they can extend life longer and longer but they don't have control over quality of life. Howard said no one wants their parents to die other than Robin maybe. Robin said they can live as long as they want but they took a quick exit while she was in her 50s. Howard asked if that's the sweet spot. Robin said her mother actually lived while she was in her 60s. She said her dad died when she was in her 50s.
Howard said maybe he'll be in his diapers and they'll be in their diapers. He said Beth can change them all.
Howard said they put his mom on Metamucil 3 times a day. He said he takes it once and it's too much. Robin said the medications can cause constipation so they have to do that. Howard said he loves that he has wonderful movements with his Metamucil. He said they're so fluffy and nice. He said he stares at them sometimes. He said he wants to send pictures to Robin. He said he has a friend who was constipated and backed up. He told him to ask his doctor about it. He said they have some good tasting stuff. He said his friend got it and he told him that he fucked him up bad. He said he loved the cookies and he ate a whole box. He said he was walking and shit started flying out of his ass. He said you can't eat a whole box. Robin said she can't imagine what he was doing his whole day. Howard said he said the cookies were so good.
Howard said his message to you is to save your money for your parent's retirement. Robin said the kids will have their parents to look after. Howard said he's going to have nothing left over for his kids. He said he's not sure what to tell them. He said it's all going right out the window. He said there are just so many people on this planet.
Howard took a call from a guy, Patricio, who said he just got into radio and he's wondering how he can do a better interview like Howard does. He said he only has 10 minutes to do interviews. He said Howard is already into the meat and potatoes of an interview 10 minutes in. Howard said he has to learn to word economize. He said he just asked the same question 3 times in 3 different ways. Howard said this guy is wondering how to do a 10 minute interview effectively. He said the answer is there is no effective way. He said the biggest mistake he sees is too much preamble. He said you have to get to the questions. He said that's the only advice he has for Patricio. He said if he sat down with Robin for 10 minutes he would just get right into the question and not mess around.
Howard asked Patricio what his question is to him. Patricio asked how he deals with his parents and still seems sane on the radio. Howard asked if that's really what he's going to ask. Patricio said yes. Howard said fair enough. He said the answer is that he isn't handling it well. He said he's dealing with a lot of things and he was late to the show this morning. He said he likes to be on early. He said he's not dealing well with it. He said he needs time to himself and needs time to think. He said he's trying to think but nothing happens.
Howard said this is where Patricio should come in with another question. Patricio said he just went blank. Howard said they're only 2 minute into it. Patricio said he's always thinking about what to ask next. He said that's a problem. Howard said you have to divide your mind and pay attention to what he's saying so you can have an interesting follow up.
Howard asked who gave him this job. Patricio said it's in the Catskills. Howard said the only place he has to go is up. He said this interview is going so horribly that his next one will be much better. He said he still has 9 minutes to fill. He said just have a conversation. He said he could have asked something about going into radio or something. He said maybe he'll just interview Patricio instead. He asked how it is living in the Catskills. Patricio said it's hard because it's cold. Howard said he has a feeling he'll be staying there a long time.
Howard said the good news is that restaurants are hurting for employees so he won't be out of work. He said he's just kidding and told him to just have a question in your back pocket. He said he's already 10 steps ahead of where he was at this point in his life. He said now go and knock 'em dead. He said someone has to broadcast so why not you. He said that's what his mother said to him as a kid.
Howard said the guy asked a good question. He said it fell off from there. He said he's the master of the 1 question interview. He said he could take that one and use it on everyone.
Robin said there you go. He said that's the future of radio. He said you can watch the late night guys to get some advice on how to interview. He said they do 10 minute interviews or so. He said you can study those people. He said Morning Joe is good to watch too. He said Joe and Mika are good. He said he was watching them this morning. He said he watches the other one in the afternoon. He can't remember her name. Robin said she can't either. Howard said she's good though. He said her name is Nicole Wallace. He said the guys told him.
Howard asked what Jon's story is. He wondered if he's married. He said he thinks he should marry Robin. Robin said she thinks he's married. Howard said he is with 3 kids. He said that's another one off the market.
Howard said he likes Jon. He said the guy can make some good TV. He said he's fabulous. He said he's married to a doctor. He said he didn't know that. Howard asked the guys what kind of doctor. He said he was thinking that Jon should grow a beard. He said he would look more like a genius. Robin said maybe glasses. Howard said that and an eccentric moustache. He said he's something else.
Robin said maybe they can start off with the phony phone call. Howard said they can do that. He said that this is Greta Thunberg calling a vegan coffee shop to yell at them over their policies.
Howard played the call and they had fake Greta calling to find out how they handle their sustainability. In the call Greta was getting upset with the guy when he didn't have answers for her. She was screaming at the guy about their policies and his lack of caring. The guy eventually hung up on her and she called back to apologize. He ended up hanging up on her again.
Howard said Greta Thunberg is saving the planet one phony phone call at a time.
Howard asked Robin what she wants to do next. Robin said she thinks she wants to hear about JD. Howard said that's going to be some saga so he has to do a break first. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and talked up the song like he was at WNBC. He let that play for a little bit. He said that song was written by Michael Stanley. He said that Joe told him he was going to cover it. He said that Joe and Stevie Nicks were dating and he was recording this album and she was a quasi-producer on this album. He said she's not credited on it. He said Stevie says that Joe was the great love of her life. He said he wishes women would say that about him. Robin said she thinks Beth would say that. Howard said maybe in a few years she'll work her way up to that.
Howard said Joe went to Kent State and he dropped out after the shootings there. He said then the James Gang was picking up momentum. He said that massacre really affected him in his life.
Howard said he just ruined that song by talking all over it. He said that's the new thing he does. He said he can't imagine fucking Stevie Nicks in her prime. He said he'd like to talk to Joe about that. He wondered how that was for him and if he even remembers it. He said Joe must have had a lot of options on the table.
Howard took a call from a woman, Stephanie, who asked what the best rock and roll cover ever made is. Howard said he's going to say, off the top of his head, that it's the one song he heard and it was better than the original... Joe Cocker. The caller said she hadn't even though of that one. She said she thought about All Along the Watchtower by Jimi Hendrix. Howard said that's good but not as good as Joe Cocker. He said that when he heard the original it was great but then he heard this and it was insane. He said Joe made it even bigger and better. He said there's nothing better than ''With a Little Help from My Friends'' by Joe Cocker. He played some of the song. He asked the caller to sing along with it. The caller did that a little bit. There must have been a deal because she was a bit off.
Howard asked what the worst cover was. He said he loves this man so much but he has to say this. He said he has even gone out to dinner with the man. He said he might have to go with Shatner's ''Rocket Man.'' He said that's kind of bad. He asked what Jon Hein thinks. Jon said that's kind of hard to beat. Robin said she's thinking about a real musician who put out a real song. Robin said she hasn't thought about this before.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Bill Shatner. Bill did his Rocket Man cover and then sang some ''With a Little Help...'' Stephanie was giggling as that was going on. Howard said that's pretty good.
Howard said Bill does such a good version of ''Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'' and he'd like to her that. Fake Bill did some of that song for him too.
Howard asked why he's doing a different phrasing. Bill said he can't remember the original tune.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he has a worst cover song of all time. He asked for both the greatest and worst. Jon said he agrees with Stephanie about Jimi Hendrix and ''All Along the Watchtower.'' Howard said that song is kind of tedious to him. He said he loves Jimi though. He said he has to say that. He said his problem with that song is that it's a Dylan tune and they go on and on and on.
Howard asked Bill if he covers any Dylan songs. Bill said no but he does cover Ricky Martin. He sang one of his songs and dragged that out.
Howard asked about Janis Joplin's ''Me and Bobby McGee.'' Everyone agreed that was a good one. Robin said the big thing about Joe Cocker was that the Beatles had a huge hit with it and he made it even bigger. Howard said she's right. Bill went into another song. Howard had to cut him off.
Howard said the only song that competes with Joe Cocker is this one. He said off the top of his head he has to say it's Whitney Houston covering ''I Will Always Love You.'' He said that was a good one. Howard asked Bill if he covers that one. Bill tried singing that one. He dragged out every word of that one.
Howard said when Bill does it is he thinking of one particular woman or someone. Bill said he's not thinking of George Takei. Howard said he bets he's not.
Howard said he explored the question that Stephanie had and he's going with Joe Cocker and Whitney Houston. Robin said she has a third. She said she's going to say Marvin Gaye's ''Heard of through the Grape Vine.'' Howard said they're going to move on now. Bill said he thinks his best cover is his cover of Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes. Howard asked him not to sing that. Bill did it but Howard cut him off again. He sang ''Heard it through the Grapevine.''
Robin, Howard and Jon were arguing about songs and Bill was singing ''Respect'' over them. Howard said he forgets that he did that one. He said he did that at dinner that night they went out.
Howard said he thought Robin was going to mention the Fugees ''Killing Me Softly.'' Robin said that's not a straight cover. Howard said sure it is. Robin said it's not because there's rap in it. Howard said he loves that song. He said that woman in the Fugees is remarkable. He said he's not sure what happened to her. He said that's Lauren Hill. He said she was amazing. Bill went into that song.
Howard said they're lucky to have Bill on. He said he breaks right into these songs. Bill said you just go in and out of consciousness at his age. Stephanie said she has one more. She said Social Distortion's cover of Johnny Cash's ''Love is a Burning Flame.'' Howard said that's good but not the greatest of all time. Bill went into another song.
Howard said he has another cover that might be better than Joe Cocker's. He said he's thinking about what he would like to listen to if he was switching stations. He said if he heard Crosby Stills Nash and Young covering ''Woodstock'' he would probably stay on that song. He said that's one of the best covers ever. He said that its a cover of Joni Mitchell's song. He said her version is great too. Robin mentioned another song that Joan Jett covered. Howard said that's good but her version is not better than the original.
Bill asked if he can do another cover of a Nine Inch Nails song. Howard said sure. Bill did ''I want to fuck you like an animal'' for them.
Howard said Van Halen covering ''You Really Got Me'' and that was great. He said he was never a Kinks fan but Van Halen covered that and it was great. Bill said he does that one too. He said they're alright though.
Howard said he has Steve Nowicki on the line to play some ''You Really Got Me'' for Bill to sing with. Steve played some of the song and Bill was trying to sing over that. Howard told Steve to go away because he's drowning out the funny. Bill did his version of the song.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks the worst cover is David Lee Roth's ''Just a Gigolo.'' Howard said that's not the worst for him but he gets what he's saying. He said he kind of liked it. Jon said it was a fun song. Howard said he knew it would be weird when he came out with stuff like that. He said it doesn't matter. He said that's not the worst cover ever made.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that there are some great punk song covers. Howard said no one cares about that. The guy was naming some stuff but Howard hung up on the guy.
Howard said this next guy has a good one. He picked up and the guy said that he thinks Lemonheads ''Mrs. Robinson'' is a good cover. Howard said he's right. He said when they put that out he fucking loved it. He asked Fred to play some of that. Fred did that.
Howard said that's a good one. The caller said another one is Siouxsie and the Banshees covering something. Howard told the guy not to bring that up. He said no one knows that.
Howard asked Jon why he's not talking about this stuff. Jon said he got on to tell him that he talked to Joe Walsh about the Stevie Nicks thing in 2016. He said that he talked to him about that stuff back then. He told Howard some of the stuff he found out that day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks a great cover is the Black Crowes covering ''Hard to Handle.'' Howard said that is a good one. Howard said he digs that band. He said another great cover is Heart covering ''Stairway to Heaven.'' He said that one gets him every time. Robin said that is a good one but it was never released. Howard asked why she's coming up with rules. He said it's a cover. Robin said she understands that. Howard had Fred play that cover by Heart. Fake Bill Shatner was singing along with that. Howard said he can suck the emotion out of any moment.
Howard said he has to end this topic. He said he has some more honorary mentions. He said Sinead O'Conner's ''Nothing Compares 2 U'' is one. He said Marilyn Manson's ''Sweet Dreams'' is another. He said he will leave it at that. He said there's a lot of songs that he's thinking about now. Bill started to sing ''Sweet Dreams'' and had Stephanie laughing. Howard was laughing too. He thanked Bill. Robin said he's going to have to close the door on him. Howard did that.
Stephanie said the last few yeas have been great in these dark times. She said it's great to turn on the radio and laugh. She thanked them for doing the good work. Howard said she's turning on the satellite and not the radio. He let her go after that.
Howard said he met Bridget at this party one time and he didn't know who she was. He said he went up to her because no one was talking to her. He said she told him that she's a waitress. Howard said she was joking about the work she did and he was irked by the conversation. He said he didn't get it. He said he didn't know why she would do that to him. He said she said she was a waitress. He said that he was interested in her. He said there were a lot of famous people here. He said he was really interested in her story. He said he thinks he was being goofed on. He said maybe she was insulted that he didn't know that she was famous. He said that she kept the story going. He said he spent a long time talking to her. He said then someone told him that she's a comedian. He said he spent a half hour talking to her about being a waitress. He said he didn't know he was there to be goofed on.
Howard said he wasn't going to watch her show but it's really good. He said she's very talented. He said she plays it well. He said the other guy's name is Jeff Hiller. He said he looks like Skeletor. He said he ends up being in love with Bridget. He said he has to give it a shout out because it's a good show.
Howard said he recommends the show highly. Robin said they should get in touch with her and find out what she was doing to him at the party. Howard said who cares at this point. He said he's got so much going on in his life and stuff like that doesn't bother him. He said he was just confused by the whole thing at the time. He said he would have liked to have met the real person. He said maybe she didn't want to meet him. He said maybe she doesn't like him. He said it wouldn't be the first time.
Howard said he's going through something now that he doesn't want to go through. He said he's trying to dump it off on Robin. Robin said she had to go through it too and they got her when she was younger. Howard said he tried giving his mom a pep talk. He said that didn't work. He said he told her she needs a positive attitude. He did his impression of her talking to him about that. He said she was telling him they'll see how he is at her age. He said she just wanted to get off the phone with him.
Robin asked if she still meditates. Howard said she does. Robin asked if she gets any relief from that. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said she and Howard's sister and mother ended up at a weekend retreat together. She said they were cracking each other up at this thing. She said they had such a good time there. Howard said maybe she can help out and take over for him. Robin said she wishes she could. Howard said imagine that. He made up a conversation with his mother about that.
Howard said Bridget did work as a waitress at a PF Changs. He said that's great but that's not an explanation for what she did to him at the party.
Howard said Benjy claims he knows a Tony Robins technique that can make anyone happy in a couple of seconds. He said that's not going to work. He said the thing that makes him happy is when he has sex with his wife. He said he had sex over the weekend. He said that helped for a little while. He said that's the Howard Stern technique. He said he figured that he'd evolve and not care about that kind of thing but he still likes it. Robin said you're stuck in an animal's body.
Howard asked Benjy what this technique is. Benjy said you just do this and look up toward the sky and make a smile and it's physiologically almost impossible to feel bad. Howard said alright, get out. He said he had better be rubbing his penis when he does that. He said he's sorry to Benjy for kicking him out so quick. He said he can imagine what his mother would do if he asked her to do that. He had her hanging up on him.
Howard said his father is unbearable at this point in his life. He said what karma that is. He said he heard he held his mother and cried. He said then two seconds later he wanted everyone out of the apartment. Howard asked his mother to look to the sky and smile and she was blinded by the sun.
Howard asked if he has to take a break. They played some commercial music for him so that must have been a yes. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said he likes that Katy Perry. He said he bets that she's pretty wild. Robin said that Snoop Dogg came in and said that she was naked in the room when he walked in. He said it was a wild story.
Howard read some facts about the Katy Perry song and said the record company didn't want to release that song because it was controversial at the time. Howard said he likes her. He said she's fun.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how things are going. He was on a speaker phone so it was hard to hear him. He asked the same question 3 times. Howard said things are rough honestly. The caller said he's running for president so vote for him. The guy, Robert, said that he was kicked out on the sidewalk. He said he was in a coma at 3 years old and he has a right hand that doesn't work very well. He said he's 44 now. Howard asked why he's never heard from him before. Robert said he called a few months ago. He said he called in about their governors. Howard asked if he wants to intern there. Robert said he wants to run for president. He said he wants people to have what the need. Howard said his platform is that he wants people not to take over another country. Robert said he doesn't want anything from another country. He said all they do is fight. Howard said he likes what he's saying. He said he just wants them to stop fighting.
Howard said we had to stick our nose in Germany and get rid of Hitler. Robert said yeah but he's talking about other stuff. Howard said they had to step in and stop slavery in this country. Robert said sure but this country needs help now. He said we shouldn't be in Ukraine and Russia's business. Howard said we have to do something to help another country when someone is just invading for no good reason.
Howard asked Robert where he stands on the vaccine. Robert said take it or don't cry and whine when you get sick and die. Howard said he wants people forced to take them. Robert said he took all 3 shots. Howard said look at what happened to him. He said he has an interesting platform. He said he's not sure what he's saying at some points.
Howard asked Robert something but he wasn't responding. Howard said he must have eaten his phone. Howard said what a shame. He said he thinks they're the first people in history to give him a platform to reach out on. He just got a note saying that he had to go do an interview on MSNBC. He said he was too busy for them. Howard said he hopes to hear from him again sometime.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he must miss the Greaseman. Howard said he never met him actually. He said he's only heard his show. The caller said that the guy ripped off his show. Howard said he had a good style that was working for him so he should have stuck with it.
The caller said he got a porno that his friend sent to him. He said it's called Karate Swap. He said they're two dads teaching karate and they end up trading and screwing. Howard said he thinks he would watch that. He said he'll have to watch it and give his review. He let the guy go after that.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks that Jon is a good looking guy. Robin said he's not a gargoyle. She said he's a decent looking guy. Howard asked if she thinks about having sex with him. Robin said no. She said that never occurred to her. Howard said he was telling his wife about JD and Jon and she watched one of the videos and said that Jon is a good looking guy. He said he was shocked. He said he never thought of him as good looking. He said Beth said he's a very good looking guy. She had him look at his girlfriend and she's a knock out. Robin asked what that has to do with his looks. Robin said she's seen a lot of trolls with good looking women. Howard said leave him out of this.
Howard asked Jon about his fiancee. Jon said she's wonderful. He said he pranked her once and regretted it. He said that she's great though.
JD said Jon has dated other women and he annoyed women and it chased them away. He said he's always on so it's a constant thing. Howard said he knew not to prank this woman but he pranked the other women. Howard asked if he knows what JD was talking about since he can't remember. Jon said he must have joked with the waiter and the girl didn't like it.
Howard asked how long he's been with this woman. Jon said it'll be 3 years in December. He said he thinks that he did the prank thing about 5 months in. Howard asked why they're waiting to get married. Jon said they're just figuring things out and seeing how things go.
Howard asked JD if he knew that Jon was a good looking guy. JD said he had a feeling. He said he would take his shirt off while they were hiking and the girls were checking him out. Jon said he asked JD to take his shirt off. He said he didn't do it. Howard said he thought that Jon was just a balding guy. Jon said he's less hairy than you'd think. JD said he's very charismatic and confident too.
Howard asked JD and Jon about what happened after they last left them. He said JD was having some secret lunch with someone. He said he got on the air and said that Jon should go. He said JD didn't want to reveal who it was he was having lunch with. He said he got Jon invited to this lunch after that discussion. He said he heard this nonsense and he asked JD this morning who this person was. He said JD didn't want to say who it was. He said it turns out it was Steve Brandano. He asked what the secrecy is. JD said there's a lot going on. He said Steve doesn't like his business being out there. Howard said he thought it was with Biden or something. JD said they built it up. He said he didn't want to talk about it on the air. Howard said JD was the one who said it was a big deal. JD said not everyone wants to be on the air. Howard said they weren't announcing anything like his social security number.
Howard asked Jon if he was shocked by this. Jon said he knew that JD wanted to be with his fans and all of that. He said that they were all his fans. JD said it was just friends. Jon said it was a bunch of writers and people like that. JD said they're all in a text chain together. He said he doesn't see them in person usually. Howard said JD is in a text chain with Hollywood writers and what are they texting. JD said it's about movies and stuff. He said it's about DVDs they got and things like that.
Howard asked where this lunch was at. Jon said it was in a nice house out there. He said it was a husband and wife who had them over. He said the husband was very nice and the wife got JD a special bottle of wine because she heard he was into it. He said that he thinks that JD might break up some relationships because this woman had never gotten anything special like that for her husband. He said that JD touches your life. He said he changes lives.
Howard asked what's up with this stuff. He asked Steve why this is secret. Steve said JD is making it more of a big deal than it was. Steve said he should have just said what it was last week. He said he told JD he can talk about it. He said this morning he started in with it again making a big deal out of it.
Howard asked Steve what happens out there. Steve said people love JD and he's like a celebrity. He said they listen to the show for moments like this.
Howard asked Jon what happened out there. Jon said that JD drank some wine and got very chatty. He said he brings life to the party. Howard said JD has to be like a plant at these parties. Jon said he's the life of the party. Howard asked what he talks about. Jon said he can ask him.
Howard asked if JD got drunk. JD said that he drank some. Howard said he saw the list of food they were getting out there. He said he had a gourmet Ding Dong. He said he's never heard of such a thing. JD said they had this Ding Dong they just bought out. Howard said this is why JD's weight is going up. He said he can't breathe on a hike because of his weight. He said he's over weight. He said he went out to lunch and then out to dinner for a 23 course Japanese food meal. Howard asked Jon if he's a rich kid or something. Jon said not at all. He said he just likes food.
Howard asked what this 23 course meal is. Jon said JD only ate half a burger and half the fries he had for lunch. He said they went to this Japanese place for their dinner. Howard said he hates that noise. Jon said they're doing construction there.
Howard asked Jon if he saves any money. Jon said he's in zero debt now. He said he was a struggling actor 5 years ago. He said he's doing fine now.
Howard said Chris Wilding says that he's never been out to dinner with Jon where the tab is less than $200. JD said he's the same. He said that this big dinner was nice. He said they have split the check before and he will tell him that he'll pay up to a certain amount before he has to deal with it himself. Howard said he hears that Jon orders expensive booze and you get the tab at the end of the night and you're shocked.
Howard asked what this meal cost him. Jon said $1850 with tip. He said it was worth it. Howard said he heard he was throwing up out the window of their Uber. Jon said he was. He said he over did it. He said he did too much and it was a release from the weekend with JD.
Howard said he has to say something. He said that the can't be paying this guy that well there. He said here must be an accounting error. He said that he heard he orders a different bottle of wine with every course. Jon said it depends on the meal.
Howard asked how much JD is drinking if they had 3 bottles of wine. JD said Jon was giving glasses to everyone there. He said they love it. Jon said JD asked for some gold flake on his sushi. JD said he didn't ask or anything. Jon said he told him that he would eat it every day if he could. JD said he didn't ask for that.
Howard said that Chris wrote that Jon will ask for a $100 drink to top off the meal ever time. Howard asked if he has to do that every meal and if he gets obliterated every time. Jon said not at all. JD said they were hanging out outside and he was drunk but not sick. Jon said they had a great time and they took a picture with the entire staff there.
Robin said that she's heard that if you go to his house you will get hurt because people drink so much. Howard said Jason had to go to the hospital. Jason said a dinner with Blitt is the greatest experience in the world. He said going out with him is like going out with some fantasy role model. He said he knows so much and knows how to talk to people. He said he sits there in awe. Howard asked how he knows this. Jon said he has worked in restaurants and knows people who like food. Howard said maybe he's a prince in Africa or something. He said he must have some secret.
Jason said he went out one night and they were behind the bar with the staff by the end of the night. He said it was fantastic. Howard said usually his staff isn't this sophisticated. He said that's something.
Howard said Jon was watching JD and he was having a good time out there. He said he had some interesting observations about him. He said that he was telling people about what JD was doing out there and how he was pranking people. Jon said he wanted to set up hidden cameras in his hotel room but he stopped himself from doing that. JD said he would have killed him if he had done that. He said he heard he wanted to send a male escort up to his room and he's glad he didn't do that. Jon said he did think about doing that. He said he was on the phone with an escort service but it was too expensive. He said it was like 3 grand. He said he was going to tell the guy to come in and surprise him and if he said no that means he would want it more. He said that would have been something that he would have wanted to record.
Howard asked if JD met any famous people out there that we don't know about. JD said all the people at dinner were famous-ish. He said they were famous in his eyes.
Howard said he's afraid of Jon. He said he wouldn't go anywhere with him. He said why not just get a lion to eat JD. Jon said that's not a bad idea.
Howard said JD must have been in fear getting on that plane knowing that Jon might propose to him. JD said he was. He said that they went to the airport and the were running late. He said Jon called him and said he was going to have to leave without him. He said he had his stuff with him and he didn't know what to do. He said then he came around the corner smiling. Howard said that's just annoying. Jon said he was watching him. He said he was going to ask him to come upstairs to help him but he didn't go that far. Howard said he's intense.
Howard asked JD what happened at the airport. JD said he saw Jon putting on a lav microphone and every time he got up he knew something was happening. Jon said he was straddling him ever time he got out of his seat too. Howard said Jon had this all planned out. He said at the end of the night at dinner he had a picture of himself kissing JD to show to the staff on the plane. JD said that kind of thing scares him. He said he was so planned out that he had it was for this master plan.
Jon said everyone was so excited about this proposal thing. He said they were in row 20 on the plane so it was the middle of the plane. Howard said Jon went up to the staff and asked about doing this. He asked if the were looking at JD and wondering about this all. Jon said he asked on his way into the plane. He said that they told him to talk to people during the flight and they'd do all of this stuff to make it special.
Howard said JD must have known what was going on. JD said he did. He said he was trying to plead with him not to do it. He said he was hoping the flight attendants would tell him no. He said he knew that it wouldn't have worked if he had tried to stop it.
Howard asked how long it took Jon to get this whole thing to work. Jon said that it worked right away. He said he was a few feet ahead of him and he interacted and they were ready to go. He said they said just talk to them a couple of hours into the flight.
Howard asked if Jon told JD about any of this. JD said no. He said he didn't fill him in at all. He said Jon was nervous and not saying anything to him. He said on the flight out there he was talking to him but this time he was just looking at his watch. Jon said he was using his nerves to make it more believable. He said he was putting his hands through his hair and stuff.
Howard asked if the flight attendant came to him. Jon said he went back to talk to them a couple of hours in. He said they had balloons and confetti ready to go. He said they even had a card they filled out. He said they were so excited for the whole thing. He said they had never had anything like this on a flight.
Howard said it's very nice that they were so progressive that they don't think about them being a gay couple. Howard said he'd like to play some audio but he can't get his mouse to work.
Howard said they're over Kansas and this is what happened. He said it's not a bad recording. Jon said he had a lav on JD and his phone in his hand. Howard asked JD what he was thinking. JD said he was trying to ignore it. He said he was trying to find something to watch on TV. Jon said the flight attendant was tapping JD on his shoulder and JD said he knew what was happening. JD said you're just in it and you have to deal with it. Howard said Jon wanted him to stand up. JD said he wasn't going to do that. He said he told Jon to get back to his fucking seat.
Howard played some audio of Jon doing his thing with the proposal. JD went ''Oh fuck'' when he heard that. Jon was on the microphone on the flight and he was telling everyone that he wanted to propose to JD. He asked JD to get up and everyone cheered for him. JD said no but they were all cheering for him. Howard said he had to do something at that point. JD said everyone was staring at him. He said they were all looking at him. He said he gave a thumbs up and told him to get back to his seat. Jon asked if he said yes. JD was refusing to get up. Someone said congratulations. JD said he just got up a little bit to stop the whole thing.
Howard said then everyone was applauding them. He had some audio of that. JD called him a fucking idiot as he got back to his seat. Jon said he loves JD and JD told him to get out of here. JD told him to get the fucking microphone off him too.
Howard said they made balloons out of surgical gloves they had. JD said then this flight attendant came over and threw confetti all over him. Jon said they made it all up. He said they tore up napkins to do that. JD said it was like Rip Taylor coming over. He said then they gave them some Prosecco. He said he didn't drink it on the plane. Howard asked if it was worth it to go out there. JD said if the Bengals had won it would have been. He said he has to deal with this maniac out there.
Howard asked what was harder the game and his team losing or lying to the flight attendants. JD said it's a tough call. He said that they were still being congratulated as the were getting off the flight. Howard asked if it was hard to be part of that. JD said it is hard to be part of a lie and pranking people. He said he's not used to doing that. Jon said one woman did ask if it was real or not. He said he told her it was. He said she left not knowing what to believe.
Howard said it's good it was a flight from L.A. to New York and not Texas to Georgia. He said it could have gone the wrong way.
Howard asked if they would do that on a flight to Iran. Jon said sure. Howard said that is called taking it too far. He said he watched the video of it and he's sure they'll post it. He said what a trip that was. He said he's glad JD got to go to the Super Bowl. JD thanked him for that. Robin asked if JD will go again if they make it back again. Howard said he will go back and he will take Jon Blitt with him again. He said Jon will blow JD on the subway as a prank. Jon said to completion. Howard said he's going to go all the way. Jon said he'll gargle his cum on the 6 train.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to do more of this. He said it's hilarious. He said its the best thing he's heard in years. Howard said that they are their new couple on the show. Robin said they're a power couple. Howard said Jon is a professional prankster. He said he used to work for Eric Andre's show. He asked what his best prank was on that show. Jon said Eric bashed through a window in this cafe they had taken over. He said they're interviewing people and then Eric bashes through the window on a bicycle. He said people lost their shit. He said that they tried to do it the year before but didn't have the right glass. He said he's so proud of that bit. He said it's great working with Eric too. He said he gives 500 percent. He said it was great working with him on that bit.
Howard asked if it's fun watching JD eat raw fish. Jon said it is. He said that he was using chopsticks and fingers most of the time. He said he did use a fork for some. JD said he can't do the chop stick thing with his hands. He said Jon has video of that. He said he has it in multiple places. Jon said he has him eating gold and eating all kinds of things. He said he was living ever minute of it. JD said he had a camera or his phone on him the whole time.
Howard asked what the most exotic thing was that JD ate. Jon said it was this squid thing. He said they had all kinds of different things from all over the world.
Howard said JD seems to be wearing the same thing in all of his pictures. JD said he doesn't like shopping so he only has so many button down shirts. Jon said hell take him shopping. JD said no to that. Howard asked what he weighs right now. JD said he's around 220 pounds. Howard said they were wondering who weighs the most on the staff now. He said JD is up there but JD thinks that it's Jon Hein. Howard said JD has to be up there. JD said Benjy used to be big but he's down under 200 know. Howard said JD can eat healthy but he keeps going to he fast food. JD said he's right. He said he goes with the not so healthy stuff. Howard said he walks every day. JD said he was doing that and he has to get back into it. Howard asked JD what he was dealing with that he can't walk. JD said it's just an excuse.
Jon had more ideas for pranks. He said he wants to do a ''that man touched me'' with a child actor. He said he wants the kid to yell that he touched him. Howard said that's going a little far.
Howard said JD had Chick-Fil-A for breakfast. He said that's not good. Jon said he had a sausage, cheese and bacon sandwich with tater tots. JD said it was hash browns. He said he didn't have a milk shake like Jon said.
Howard said JD acts like he has no control over his life. Howard asked how much Jason weighs. Jason said he's down to about 220 pounds. He said he's down by 80.
Howard said thanks for sharing all of this. He said he's sorry JD's team didn't win. Jon and JD thanked him for the trip.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a huge JD fan. He said he was also thinking about Jon Favreau and a film he did with David Spade that was very funny. Howard said he's never seen it. JD said he has and it was very funny.
Howard read some feedback from the fans about the hat bit and how that's going to go. People think Benjy is going to fuck it up so bad. He said the Wrap Up Show did a poll and 88 percent of the people polled think he'll fuck it up.
Howard asked Jon about the hat and what happened with that. Jon said he went over and picked it up from Sal and brought it over to Benjy. Jon said Larry Caputo was at Sal's house and he asked him if he wanted to cum on the hat. He said no. He said that's a shame. He said it was in a disgusting paper bag. He said he didn't look at it though. He said he biked it over to Benjy's place over the weekend. He said Benjy took it and ran off with it. He said they actually hung out for a bit. He said he stopped him from running off. He said they had a lunch together.
Howard asked Benjy why he ran off. Benjy said he thought they should be discreet with it. He said that he had the same thought about the hat being like the Raiders of the Lost Ark thing. He said he looked at the hat and it has a mystique about it. Jon said it was in this disgusting paper bag. Benjy said you see the stains on it and you know it's Sal. He said it's disgusting but there's a power to it. He said it's like one of those things you see for the first time and it's magical.
Howard asked if it's the bag that said ''Sal's work'' on it. Jon said it was. He said that he left it in that. He said he had it in a basket on the front of his bicycle when he was riding it to Benjy's. Howard asked if Jon has a bike with a basket on it. Jon said he rented a Citibike. Howard said he sees.
Howard asked if it was weird seeing Benjy. Jon said it was. He said it's odd to see him outside. Howard said he saw him outside of work one time and it really is weird. He said he sees him walking around or whatever. He said it's Benjy but he's all sweaty and running around. Robin said it's like seeing a zoo animal outside of the bars.
Howard said its odd that Benjy ran off after the hand off. Benjy said he wasn't supposed to talk to him during he hand off. He said he made sure to see if the hat was in the bag. He said he had a stick to transfer the bag into the safe box. He said he did that and that was it. He showed the box he had the hat in. Howard said that's being safe. He said the take the hat and box and go to lunch. Jon said yeah. He said they went to a hotel lobby in the village. Benjy said it was the hotel Marlton in the Bronx. Jon said one time a woman gave him her number there. Benjy didn't know what happened to her. He said he did call her. He said he and Jon were working on a work thing and she liked what he was saying about dating. He said that he asked her for a picture but she didn't send one. He said he thought that maybe Jon set the whole thing up.
Howard asked if Benjy was normal at lunch. Jon said he was normal. He said that he wants to try some mushrooms but he wants to do it under supervision. Howard said don't do it.
Howard asked what they talked about in regards to the hat. Jon said that Benjy said he will finish on it once off the show and once during the show. He said he got the hat on Saturday.
Howard asked what he did when he got home. Benjy said he kept checking on it to make sure it didn't disappear. He said he hasn't done anything yet. He said that he thought he had to wait for the show. Howard said he should have just done it already. He said just do it on his own time.
JD asked if he's going to watch porn or just do it with his mind. Benjy said he was thinking he might have to do it now so he's not sure. Howard said Benjy is a fucking nightmare. He said he predicts that he won't cum on the hat. He said he should have done it already. Benjy said he didn't know.
Howard played a song parody about the jizz covered hat. Howard said he has run out of time so Benjy can do whatever he wants when he wants. He said maybe tomorrow he can find out about it. Howard said he thought he was going to do it already. Benjy said he thought that the plan was to do it during the show. Howard said Benjy is waiting for the vernal equinox.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said Benjy can come to his house and jerk off on the hat if he wants to. Howard said Benjy always complicates things. Benjy said he can do it right now. Howard said no. He said he's going to throw up thinking about him masturbating. He said just do whatever you have to do. He said he has enough going on in his life. He said he doesn't need this. He said Erik has an 80 IQ and even he knows what to do with the hat. He said that's all he's saying.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves JD and he wants to know what she had to say about all of this. JD said his wife is very supportive. Howard said of course. He asked where Bobo is when you need him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this Blitt is awesome and they need him on the show more often. Howard said he said the same thing to the people at Sirius.
Howard said they're out of time. He said maybe Jon can go pick the hat up now from Benjy. He said he had all weekend to run up that total on the hat. He said nothing has hit it. He said he said he cold cum 10 times a day. He said he got the hat and nothing happens. He asked why he thinks the got it out to him. Benjy said he thought they were going to do it on the show. Sal said he's at home with his wife and kids and he's trying to hide it from them. He said he still managed to do it every day. Howard told Benjy to just call Sal and ask him what to do.
Benjy said that Sal did it on the air for the first time. Sal said it was during a break. Howard said Benjy's head is spinning. He said he can see it. Sal said just jerk off on it, take a picture and send it to Jason.
Howard said he's trying to stay out of this whole thing. He said Benjy still doesn't know what to do. He said he's waiting on a call. Sal asked if Benjy jerked off at all this weekend. Benjy said he did. Sal said he wasted a load. Howard said he doesn't get it. Jon said he heard that he wanted to jerk off once in the morning and once during the show. Benjy said he was just waiting for the right moment. Howard said they had an urgency involved with this thing because they sent Jon out to give it to him on a Saturday.
Howard took a call from Richard's hat who said he's just waiting to be jerked off on. He said someone has to do it or he wants out.
Howard said Benjy fucked this thing up. He said that he didn't get to half the things he wanted to get to. He said they can get to it tomorrow. Benjy asked if he should jerk off on it now. Howard said he told him to figure it out. He said he can make that decision. Robin said this can't be real. Howard said he doesn't think Benjy is joking. Robin asked how you can't know what to do in this instance. Howard said he has no idea.
Howard said tomorrow they'll talk to Ben Stiller. He said he'll drop by to talk. He said he's promoting a very interesting show. He said he's 2 episodes in on this show called ''Severance.'' He said it's a very weird thing they do to people at work. He said when you work you forget your personal life. He said the show is really good. He said he hates being told what to watch but now he's sucked into it. He said there are so many good shows on these streaming services. Robin said it's hard to keep track. Howard said he's watching Boba Fett now. He said he's liking that. Robin said George Lucas creates things that you want to know more about but he doesn't know how to tell the stories. Robin said now the stories are being told the right way. Howard said Jon Favreau wrote The Mandalorian too. He said that guy really is a genius. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he winced when he opened up the microphone. He said it's interesting that Ben Stiller is coming on today because he was almost praying that he'd forget about his problems with his mother and all of that. He said the movie he's promoting is about going to work and having your brain split in half so you don't have to think about your home life. He said he's all for that. He said he could use that right now.
Robin said those people have a very dull affect. Howard said they're trying to show the drudgery of the workplace.
Howard said the morning goes fast so he has to get to a bunch of things. He said he'd like to talk about the childishness of things. He said there's so much available when it comes to adult matters. Howard said this kid in the Olympics had his penis frozen. He said it froze during the 50Km finals. He said this guy had to put a heat pack on his dick to thaw it out. Robin said you'd think he'd stop when it got cold. Howard said you don't stop. He said he loves how ridiculous network news is with stuff like that. He said only 3 newscasts even referred to it. He said it's so horrible to say penis that they can't do it. He said come on already.
Howard played some of their news coverage and they wouldn't say penis. The reporters were saying ''his nether regions'' and things like that. Howard did his impression of them doing that. He said it's laughable. Howard was coming up with other names for a penis.
Howard played a clip of another reporter saying the guy froze the only other male appendage other than his fingers or toes. Howard asked about the balls. He said what a bunch of shitheads. Howard said this guy's penis also froze in a competition he did in Finland.
Howard said a pastor resigned after performing baptisms over the decades and they were all invalid. He said the guy was a priest and instead of saying ''I baptize you'' he said ''we baptize you.'' He said that this affects no one. He said it's ridiculous. He said this guy was fired. He said if he had molested a young boy he would have just moved to a new parish and they would have kept his name quiet.
Howard said this professor explained why this was bad. He said he dares you to stay awake during this. He played the clip of this woman talking about the reasons they have to say ''I'' and not ''we.'' Howard said Robin laughed but people are in hell over this. He said how about all baptisms are invalid because none of this is real.
Howard said when you get baptized you get a new name. He said Gary's is Angelo. Gary said he was named after a family member. He said it wasn't for baptism but for confirmation.
Gary said he fucked up and didn't tell his mother that he sopped going to the religious classes. He said his mother wanted him to take more classes and he had to go 3 days a week to make up for what he had missed. Howard said good for Gary to defy his parents and stop going.
Howard said Sal has a story about pranking his religions teacher. Sal said his conformation name was Luigi. He said that was worse than Gary's. Howard said that's nice. Sal said that was his grandfather's name. He said his teacher lived down the block from them. Howard asked how many years he went to religion school. Sal said he just went for one year. He said it was just the year for his confirmation. Howard asked him to spell religion. Sal said ''REAL...'' Howard told him to spell it without looking it up. Sal said ''REALGION.'' Howard said that word is so easy to spell. He had him spell it again. He spelled it ''REALIGION.'' Howard said he did it even worse. Sal said he has to be right. Howard spelled it for him.
Howard asked what he did to his teacher. Sal said he was working at his dad's pizzeria and he went to the store next door and called his teacher who he thought was cute. He said he prank called her over the course of a month. He said the cops had her record it and the cops showed up to the pizzeria and they had tape of him talking filthy to his religion teacher. He said he was asking her what she was wearing and stuff like that. Howard said that's not a prank. He said he's harassing her. Sal said he was like 14 at the time.
Sal said they came in and plugged in the recorder and played it for his dad. He said his dad took him out back and he pushed hover the edge and beat the living shit out of him. He said the cops joined in and pulled his dad off of him. Howard was cracking up laughing. He said he's a fucking maniac. Sal said he was on the ground and he had the snot cries where the snot and cries were mixed into one. He said the cops looked at him and said the think this has been settled and let him go.
Howard said that launched his prank call career. Robin said Sal never knows the line. She said the line is erased and he just steps right into a big mess all the time. Howard asked if he understands that's beyond a prank call. Gary said that's a verbal sexual assault. Sal said he was in the King Kullen store so that stopped him from doing anything else.
Gary asked if that's the only woman he's ever done that to. Sal said yes. He had to think about that. Howard said Sal is wearing a big cross right now. He said look at the size of that thing. Robin wondered if the statute of limitations is up on that call.
Howard made up what he could prank his next victim with. He asked what happened when he saw her again. Sal said he wasn't allowed to go there again. He said he had to share a bus with her son. He said that was really uncomfortable. He said he sat in the front and avoided him as much as he could. He said he was there the next morning when he went to the bus. He said he waited like half a block away and ran to catch it. He said that was the whole year. He said it was terrible.
Howard asked if the mom was hot. Sal said not really. He said she was so sweet and polite. Howard asked if she recognized his voice. Sal said he's not sure about that. Fred had ''Hot for Teacher'' playing while this was being discussed.
Howard asked if his father ever had a discussion with him about this or did he just beat the shit out of him. Sal said it was just the beating. He said the never talked about it again. Howard said maybe it would have been useful to talk about it. He said he could have told him it was improper. Robin said his father doesn't even know what's appropriate. She said he just beat the shit out of his son when he did something wrong.
Howard said Sal once told a co-worker that he wanted to be her toilet paper. Gary said he saw that one. Sal said he did that. He said he was just trying to be affable. Gary asked what that means. Sal said he was just throwing it out there. Robin said Sal was rejected by his doctor. Howard said he wanted her to hold his dick. Sal asked what he can tell you. Howard said the other guy who was affable was Harvey Weinstein.
Howard said Sal is reading the book ''The Mount of Olives'' which is a self help book. He said good for him.
Howard took a call from fake Mother Angelica who was going off on Sal for what he's done. Howard let that go on for a minute until fake Mother Angelica said that he's worse than a Jew. Howard said he was doing so well with that impression but he doesn't know the line either.
Howard said that's what's going on in organized religion. He said that priest is out now. Robin said those baptisms have to be redone.
Howard said his pastor got up and said there are six witches in his congregation. He said he knows the names of them but didn't say them. He played the audio of this pastor talking about the witches and how they're in the room right now. He was casting them out during the service. He said he's going to come in the next week with brooms and get them out on his own if they don't leave.
Howard said these guys always sound a little effeminate. He said Chris Wilding does a good impression of this guy. He had Chris get on to do that. Chris did it with the effeminate sounding voice thing going on.
Howard and Chris were going back and forth with their impressions of that kooky pastor.
Howard was going crazy with the things he was making up. Chris would come up with more nutty stuff and they went back and forth with that. Howard was saying that one of the congregation was Godzilla and he's going to expose them.
Howard said imagine being there in that church and having someone threatening to expose people for being witches. He said he might as well have said they're Dracula and they're gong to expose them for that. He was still doing his impression of that pastor going on and on making up more stuff about the congregation.
Howard answered a knock at he door and it was fake Mel Gibson who was saying all women are witches. He said they all need to get on their knees and blow him. Fake Mel was out of breath like he was in the old clips Howard used to play. Howard thanked him for dropping by. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said he has another montage of this guy to play. He said that he's had this pastor on before. Robin said we have to get off this planet. Howard said there are guys who are supporting Putin. He said things are all messed up.
Howard played the clip of this pastor going crazy about the witch thing and about Harry Potter and Twilight. Howard said this guy doesn't sound very masculine yelling about this stuff. Chris did more of his impression of the effeminate sounding pastors.
Howard did his impression of that guy yelling about the wacky stuff they yell about. He and Chris went back and forth making up more wacky stuff to scream out at church. Howard did it in his southern voice and Chris would do it with the really effeminate voice.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it as fake Mitch McConnell. Mitch said hello to his American fans and to his African American fan Robin over there. Howard let Mitch say a few words about the state of the country. He was blaming Biden for the problems here. Howard said he's glad that he's standing up to Russia. He said he's taking the Pandemic seriously and he's concerned about the environment. Mitch said Howard sounds like a scared school girl. He said by the time they have to worry about it they'll both be long dead. He said chill out.
Howard said he has kids and he wants them to have a place to live. He said he cares about the next generation. Mitch said he's made sure that the kids will have so much to worry about they won't care about the environment. He mentioned Greta Thunberg so she was knocking at the door a second later. Howard had fake Greta on to go off on Mitch about all of the stuff he was saying. Mitch and Greta went at each other for a few minutes.
Howard cut them off eventually and said he wants them both to say one nice thing about one another. Greta said she's glad that Mitch is so old that he won't be around much longer to ruin the world. Mitch said he'd like to say that he's now pro-abortion after talking to her. He said he's thinking maybe it's okay to abort someone 18 years old. Howard said that's not very nice. He closed the door on both of them.
Howard said he imagines that when the guy starts going off on witches then you get out. He said he wonders about the people who stay there. The caller said that stuff started out slow. He said then it got cuckoo quick. Howard said he's proud of that guy for getting out when he did. He said if there were only more people like Tim out there.
Howard played that clip of the pastor talking about witches again. Howard went back into his impression of Pastor Lock again.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the cover song conversation the had yesterday. He mentioned a few more songs from Smashing Pumpkins and Metallica. Howard said he got a lot of mail about that. He said they were talking about the best and worst cover songs. The caller said that no one can cover Radiohead's ''Creep'' and they're all bad. Howard said he happens to be right. He said the leave out the key element of the song which is that guitar riff. Howard said you need that in the song. Howard told the caller to calm down for a minute while the song plays. He had the song playing and waited for that guitar riff.
Howard said you don't have that then the song is nothing. The caller kept talking over Howard and over Robin. Howard told him to be quiet but the guy kept talking over them. Howard said you have to wait so long for that guitar riff. The caller said it's that anticipation. Howard kept telling the guy to quiet down. The caller said it's amazing that no one else can cover that song. Robin said it is. Robin said that song is a perfect song about Sal.
The caller said that the Pam and Tommy series on Hulu is something he'd like to hear Howard talk about. Howard said he hasn't seen it. Robin said she hasn't either.
Howard answered another knock at the door and it was fake Bill Shatner who wanted to sing ''Creep'' for them. He came right on and did his version of the song for them.
Howard said Steve Nowicki can play that part and the can do the song together. Howard had them do their thing. Steve played that guitar riff for him but it didn't go over very well. Howard said he fucked that up. He had Steve do it over again. Howard bailed on the bit after that.
Howard said the thing is that many people wrote in about this subject. He said that there are a lot of great cover songs. He said he loved Type O Negative's ''Cinnamon Girl.'' He had some audio of them doing the song on their show in 2007. He said it's enough already and you don't have to keep telling him your favorite songs. Robin said they didn't even mention that girl who did the David Bowie song. Howard said she has a new album out. He said her name is Aurora. He said that's a great cover. He said that he was going to mention that yesterday. He said you can't have one favorite and then name 50 songs. He said Disturbed did a great cover of ''Sounds of Silence'' and someone wrote in about that. He played some of that song.
Howard said someone sent him a list that Rolling Stone put out about the worst covers of all time. He said he loves lists like that.
Howard played some of Aurora's ''Life on Mars'' cover. Howard said she throws her soul into that. He said he wishes he could remember the name of her new album (The Gods We Can Touch). He said it's good.
Howard said that he sees the comments from people about how Aurora got on his show. He said he heard her on Girls and he invited her in to do the song.
Howard said that Britney Spears did a version of ''I Can't Get No Satisfaction'' so he played some of that awful cover. Howard said they listed Limp Bizkit's ''Behind Blue Eyes'' as a bad cover. He said he doesn't think it's that bad. He played some of that for Robin. Robin said this is good. She said she likes this. Howard said they may have been referring to the part where there's some rap stuff in the middle of it. Howard said that part might not be the best. He said the song isn't that bad though. Robin said there's nothing wrong with that. She said it's a credible cover. Howard said spelling your name with a computer voice is kind of strange. Robin said she likes it.
Howard said they also mention Madonna's ''American Pie'' cover. Howard said he's not sure he even likes the original. He said the song goes on and on. He said tighten that up. He played some of Madonna's cover. Robin said ''Uh oh'' when it turned into a Madonna song.
Howard said that was Rolling Stone's list. He said people were kind enough to send it to him. He said he ma have to go through that whole list on the show. He said he tried to put together a list yesterday but they were kind of half assing it.
Howard answered another knock at the door. It was supposed to be fake Britney Spears. She didn't answer right away so Howard shut the door on her. then she started singing. Howard bailed on that.
Howard read through some fan feedback about JD and Jon Blitt. Howard said the fans love Jon and JD traveling around together. Howard said they might have to do something with them every quarter.
Howard said people were writing in about the proposal that Jon did with JD. Howard said he has a clip of Jon being congratulated on the plane after his proposal.
Howard said there you go. He said the whole plane enjoyed it. He said they must be liberal leaning. He said it was actually leaning left.
Howard said one of the fans thinks something is fishy about Blitt's restaurant choices and how much she spends on meals. Howard said he does spend a lot of money on food. Howard played a clip of Jon and JD at the sushi restaurant they went to in L.A. He had a montage of JD saying stuff and making noises.
Howard said JD kept getting Wasabi and Edamame mixed up. JD said he did. Robin said it won't be mixed up when it hits his mouth. JD said he knows that.
Howard said JD is really sensitive to spicy foods. JD said he is. He said his limit is Chipotle. He said that's about it. Jon Blitt got on and said there were some things he had that were too hot for him. He said he had a ceramic plate in front of him and he thought the design on it was part of the meal. JD said he thought it was a sauce or something. Howard said it's like taking a 3 year old out to eat. Jon said it's like a friendly bear.
Howard said he learned something about the trip. He said he heard that JD went to Natalie Maines' house and fell asleep there. JD said he did nod off for a brief second. Jon said they were chatting and then Natalie pointed out that JD was sleeping. He said he was in dreamland. JD said he nodded out for like a second. He said he saw Jon and Natalie staring at him so he was like ''Oh no.''
Jon said JD came over to his house once for dinner and he fell asleep and was snoring. Howard said it must have to do with him being overweight and eating all of this food. JD said he was drugged. Jon said he always takes too much.
Howard asked Jon why he doesn't have an air horn he can blow to wake JD up. Jon said Natalie was telling him that Michael Jackson sat in this sofa that they were on. He said then the saw JD sleeping. He said he was just so relaxed and it was great to see him there. Howard said he could never be that relaxed to fall asleep at someone's house. He said JD is just able to do it. JD said he was drunk and it was toward the end of the night. He said he should have been in bed by that time.
Howard said JD might be over doing things. He said 2 years ago he wasn't drinking or taking drugs. Jon said they may have to have an intervention. Howard said he has to admit that Jon is the one supplying most of this stuff. Jon said he's not perfect. He said he does his best.
Howard said JD told them that the cactus shirt he has is one of his best shirts. He said it has a lot of cactus on it. He said that they also learned that he's in a film club where they discuss movies. JD said they text each other about what they're watching. Howard said they're prominent people. Jon said they are. He said they all work in the film industry. He said JD is one of them. He said they're all interested in what JD has to say.
Howard asked JD what he's telling his film group. JD said they just talk about what movies they watch and things like that. He mentioned a couple of movies he's seen lately.
Howard said JD writes film reviews at a site called Letterbox. He said he's a legitimate film reviewer. JD said he wouldn't say that. He said he just writes some thoughts he has. Jon said JD should read one on the show.
Howard said Jon must have been upset that Benjy didn't do anything since he rushed that hat over to him. Robin said by Tuesday nothing had happened yet.
Howard said a lot of people are pissed off at Benjy over this. He said they're ready for an update now. Benjy said last night at about 9:19pm he came on it. Howard said it's about time. He said this was Tuesday night. Benjy said he wanted to do it when he woke up but then he figured he'd do it before he went to bed. He said he was nervous about it because people are making a big deal out of it. He said the hat weighed 3.5 ounces when he did it. He said Sal said it was 3.8 but it was down to 3.5. Howard tried to get answers out of Benjy but he was dragging it out so Howard was getting frustrated. Howard said he's ruining this update. Jon asked if they can see a picture. Howard said they're getting to that. Jon said he just wants to see his cum.
Howard asked Benjy if he took the hat out of the box. Benjy said he did. He was trying to explain what he was jerking off to but Howard bailed because he was dragging it out with nonsense. Benjy said he was looking at news and he saw something that he liked. Howard said he has to get out of this. Benjy said he watched the karate dad swap thing the caller mentioned yesterday. He said he came about 4 minutes into it. He said he came inside the hat. Howard said show them the picture now. Benjy had the picture on his phone. He was supposed to send it to Jason so they could all see it. Howard asked if he saw how Sal did it. He said that Sal told him to send it to Jason. Benjy said no one told him to send it. Howard said this is so simple. He said that you cum, take a picture and send it to Jason. He said you have to weigh it. Benjy said it went up to 3.6 ounces. Jason said that Benjy is in all of the same meetings they're all in so he should know this stuff.
Benjy told Howard the karate movie is really good. He said it's kind of funny too. He said Howard will laugh at it. He explained the movie to Howard and he said he'll have to check it out. Benjy said the ''teens'' in the movie weren't teens. He said that they have wrinkles.
JD asked Benjy if he recorded himself doing that stuff. Benjy said he did but he didn't send it to Jason. Howard said he's been on the show the longest time and he doesn't know that they do this stuff. Benjy said he hears him. He said he's looking for the clip. Howard asked why he doesn't send it to Jason. He asked if he understands what they do for a living. He said everyone got freaked out when they saw the picture of Sal's load. He said he has to send it to Jason. Benjy started to play the video. Howard said he can do his thing. He said he has no control over this. Benjy was still playing the audio. Howard asked the guys to knock Benjy off.
Howard said he thinks Benjy is nuts. He said he can't get him to do anything. He took a call from a woman who said Benjy has to be on something or he's on the spectrum. She said he never has an answer for him. Howard said he really doesn't understand Benjy. He said he's determined to figure that out. He said he just doesn't know. He said the bit was so normal until Benjy got involved. The caller said we all knew this was going to happen. Howard said Benjy made the cum hat weird. Howard said maybe they should just give the hat back to Sal.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said that they're being unfair to Benjy. He said we know who Benjy is and they knew this was going to happen. Howard said he does deliver a consistent Benjy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he did some research on Jon Blitt and they say he's worth $16 million. Howard said he believes it. He said he serves very expensive meals when he has people over. He asked Jon if he's really worth that much. Jon said he wouldn't live in the apartment he lives in if he was. He said he wishes he was worth that much. Howard said he's not sure whet's going on there. He said that Eric Andre makes a good living and he walked out of a place that Jon brought him to because it was too expensive. Howard said he's reading that Jon is making $4 million a year. He said he earned every bit of that going out to L.A. with JD.
Jason said when he goes out with Jon he has a budget he sets up and he's ready for those expensive meals.
Howard did a live commercial read and brought up a toothbrush that Sarah Silverman told him about. He said that she told him and Jimmy about it. He said that he's not sure he wants another piece of equipment messing up his counter top. He said he got an A+ from his dentist. Robin said she has one of these Water-Pik tooth brushes that Howard was talking about. She said there is water coming out of it while you brush. She said that it does a lot. Howard said maybe he will get one then. Howard did another live read and went to break.
Howard came back and said this is Sammy Hagar. He let the song play for a bit. He said if he were Ben Stiller he'd use this song in one of his movies. Robin said he still could. Howard said no one ever asked him what his opinion is for a movie soundtrack. He said he'll talk to Ben about that. Robin said he's going to be like Trent Reznor. Howard said as soon as he's done taking care of his mother and father he'll get on that.
Howard said Ben Stiller is there to talk about this show he directed. Howard said Ben still has good hair. Ben said Howard has the good hair. Howard asked if his hair is too youthful for someone his age. Ben said he can't do what Howard does. He said he is youthful. He said he considers him youthful at his age whatever that age is.
Howard said someone said that he had to fix his hair before this segment. He said if he had hair like Ben's it would just fall into place. Ben said Howard's hair is his trademark. Howard said people accuse him of coloring his hair but he doesn't. He said it's dark. He said Ben looks distinguished with his grey hair. Ben said he was coloring it but then he realized how grey and white it was going. He said the pandemic happened so he let it go natural and it scared the hell out of him and his children.
Howard said many of his classic comedy bits are doing impressions. He said there's a youthful look he has. He said he loves his Eddie Munster impression. Ben said he thinks the generations that appreciated that have come and gone.
Howard said Ben was on Saturday Night Live for 4 episodes. He said there was a routine called Sprockets that Eddie Muster was a guest on. He asked if that was the first time he portrayed that character. Ben said it was. He said he had done it on his audition tape for Saturday Night Live. He said it wasn't even an impression. He said he was just being a guy who played Eddie Munster being all bitter. He said that was something he did for the audition tape. He said he was obsessed with that child actor thing growing up. He said that his parents were famous so he went through that kind of thing. Howard said his parents were very famous and they were Stiller and Mira. He said they did this great act together. He said that the know his dad from Seinfeld and other things.
Howard said when you grow up like that you think that you'd go into another business. He said of course he was obsessed with Eddie Munster. Ben said that he never considered doing anything outside of show business. He said it was just what was going on in their lives. He said it seemed like a lot of fun and more interesting than going to school.
Howard said what fascinates him about his career is that he never did stand up. He said he was always a guy who was a sketch fan. He said he liked movies and funny bits. He said you must wonder if that's part of show business. Ben said he never thought about doing stand up. He said his parents were doing things on stage but he never wanted to do stand up.
Howard said he used to see his parents doing their thing on stage. He asked if they would say they were going to work and work on stuff at home. Ben said kind of. He said they lived in an apartment and they had a living room they worked things out in. He said they had a space that was very 1970s style that they worked out in. He said they'd go in that room and work on their stuff. He said his dad had a reel to reel tape recorder that he kept the tapes on. He said he has recordings that are hours and hours long.
Howard asked if they left the apartment to Ben. Ben said the left it to his sister. He said that it was tough to say goodbye to the apartment. He said the just let it go a few weeks ago. He said that he's working on a documentary about his parents and he was filming in there. He said it was a good time to say goodbye.
Howard said he's doing a whole shoot in that apartment. Ben said his last walk through was with his iPhone. He said he had a whole crew in there filming too though. He said he's not sure what the new owners are going to do with the place. Howard asked if he got involved in the sale. Ben said not at all. He said it was just money. He said he's grateful that they bought the place. He said maybe they'll meet at some point.
Howard said Ben wasn't able to have a big funeral for his dad. He said he had to keep it small because of COVID. Ben said they had a little ceremony up in Nantucket. He said they had a big memorial for his mother. He said at some point maybe they'll do something for his dad.
Howard said Bob Saget was the emcee for his mom's memorial. Ben said that Bob was great. He said he was such a warm person and his mom loved him. He said they did some Lifetime movie or something together. He said they had this connection with this wicked sense of humor thing. He said he felt awful because he was supposed to do his podcast. He said he had to put it off and he felt really bad about not doing it. Howard said he knows that feeling. He said he feels like a horrible person. He said that he has to tell him that he just picked up the phone to call Ivan Reitman about a month ago. He said he and Ivan talked for like 25 minutes and talked about getting together. He said that they had this great conversation and then he died. He said he did it right and had a last conversation with Ivan. He said he felt good about that.
Howard said he must love Ivan Reitman. Ben said he does. He said he made so many great films like Stripes. He said there are directors like that who define comedy in certain areas.
Howard said it would have been interesting if he had met Ivan. He said he read the article in Esquire where they talked about his confidence in the editing room. He said that he knows what he wants and he has a vision. He said Ivan was like that too. He told Ben about what he did for his movie Private Parts. He said he's not sure where you learn that. He said you either have it or you don't. Ben said no one knows really. He said the first person you have to satisfy is yourself. He said you know where you're looking and what you're looking for. He said you hope that other people will find it funny too. He said it has to come from your own instincts about what's funny. He said you have to think about what you're going to do and commit to it. He said you have to be ready for it to fail too.
Howard asked how important a test screening is. He said sometimes you have to just said fuck them and just go with what you think is right. Ben said if they're not laughing then they're not laughing. He said they judge comedies by the laughs so you want to laugh. He said that you have to look at that and figure out how to get them to do that.
Howard asked Ben about the scene in Something about Mary where he has his balls stuck in his fly. He asked if he's afraid he's over the top with his performance. He said comedy can be way riskier than drama at times. Ben said it's much harder. He said there's that hard metric of laughing or not laughing. Howard asked how you figure out if it's over the top or not. Ben said the Farrelly brothers had some thoughts on all of that. He said they were having fun on the set and having fun with friends. He said they didn't care if the dog looked real or fake and things like that. He said he had to just give in to their sensibility. He said when they were doing it he was thinking it looked too much like a set and it was like being in a Marx brothers movie.
Howard said you don't want to risk your career when you do something like that. Ben said he wanted to bring his own thing to it. He said he had to commit to their reality though.
Howard said they did a Cable Guy movie parody for a Super Bowl commercial. He said that movie has turned into such a classic. He said when it came out it had to be shitty because it wasn't a big box office success. Ben said it tanked. He said it was reviled. Howard said Jim Carrey had just come off a bunch of big hits and then that was a bomb. Howard asked if he felt vindicated when he saw that ad. Ben said he was not consulted on that ad but he got a text from Jim a couple of days before and he told him about it. He said it was surprising to him because they went with Cable Guy. He said he could see the tie in and it was kind of cool. He said it's great that it still exists but some young people may have wondered what this was. He said it was a move that Jim made when he was able to make any movie he wanted. He said he was the biggest star around. He said he committed fully. He said it was great that he wanted to go so far with it. He said even when it didn't do well Jim still loved the movie. Howard said he wonders about that. He said sometimes a couple will break up if they do a film together and it bombs. Ben said it can be hard when you have a failure. He said Jim has a confidence in what he does. He said Jim loves doing it and he loves that character. He said making that movie was one of the most fun experiences he ever had. He said watching Jim and Matthew Broderick working together was just great.
Howard said he loves the scene where Jim is trying to find the right spot on the wall to drill through and he starts rubbing it like a clitoris or something. He said the look on Matthew's face was just great.
Howard asked Ben if he has ever directed an actor and said he has to get out of it with them because they're not gelling. Ben said he can't say that he's had that. He said sometimes you work with someone who does something that doesn't work. He said you realize it will never work and you just let it go. He said you know it won't be in the movie but he's never really had that with an actor.
Howard said he thought it was ballsy when he had The Ben Stiller Show and the people he hired, Bob Odenkirk, Andy Dick, Janeane Garofalo were hired because he just knew they'd be perfect for the show without an audition. Ben said he just felt like they had something in common.
Howard said that Ben and Bob Odenkirk felt the same way about Saturday Night Live and neither of them were happy there. Ben said that they were there and excited about being there. He said it was kind of mind blowing to be there. He said he was lucky that he even got in there. He said that he was an apprentice writer and featured player. He said he did want to make short films and not do live performing. He said he was intimidated by it and wasn't able to figure out how to work the system. He said he had this other option that was more comfortable for him. Howard said he got to do exactly what he wanted to do. Ben said he wasn't sure he could do what Mike Myers was doing. He said he remembers him doing Wayne's World and having a character like that. He said he had a character too but he was never going to get that on the air. He said that he left after 4 episodes so he could do something he wanted to do.
Howard asked if his parents ever commented on him leaving the show the way he did. Ben said his father never did but he's sure they were wondering what he was up to. He said he wasn't listening to advice at the time.
Howard said he read some things about Ben having a bad acid trip and calling his parents to talk to them about it. He said that's something to be able to call his parents about that. Ben said his dad missed out on all of the drug stuff so he told him that he smoked a Pall Mall once that made him dizzy. He said he was a loving man and he's sure it scared the hell out of him when he told him he was on drugs. Ben said his mom was a little more upset.
Howard said the other story he likes about his dad is that someone stole Ben's bike and they knew who did it. He said his dad went to the apartment and confronted them and then he came back and said that he should forget about the bike because that kid needs it. They went and got a new one. Ben said that's true. He said he remembers going to the bike store to get a second hand bike. He said he saw the kid go by on the bike he stole. He said that his dad ran him down and eventually caught him. He said he felt for the kid and the family. He said he wasn't confrontational but people gravitated toward him because he was so loving and genuine. He said people who worked with him tell him about how they bonded with him. He said they love his dad. He said he had a deep spiritual side to him too. He said he would go to Synagogue a handful of times a year. He said he was very understanding too.
Howard said he thinks that his parents are never going to leave him. He said they're going to out live him. He said he's never lost a parent. He asked if he heard stories about his dad after he passed. Ben said he has. He said Charles Grodin just passed away. He said that he did a movie with him a few years ago. He said Charles told him that once he was directing his dad on Broadway and he gave him a note about what to do. He said his dad looked at him and said when someone talks to him like that it makes him want to punch them in the face. He said he had this deep anger within him and a rage that he suppressed. He said he thinks that came out in his Seinfeld character. He said Charles told him about that before his dad died. Howard said he can see that with Charles. He said he was an ornery guy.
Howard asked if he has ever had something like that happen to him on the set. Ben said he has had an actor lash out at him. He said it's not often. He said it ended up being a great working relationship. He said six months later he saw the finished product and he thinks that he'd go through that again. Howard asked if it was Benicio Del Toro. Ben just laughed. He said he's one of the best actors he's ever worked with.
Howard said Ben loved Patricia Arquette. Howard asked how many things he did with her. Ben said only 3. He said he thinks she's an incredible actress and even more incredible as a person. He said she's funny too and she brings humor to dramatic acting.
Howard asked if he ever watches something and thinks that he has to work with someone he's seen in something. Ben said people he's a fan of. He said you do think about that. Howard said Will Ferrell is one of those guys. Ben said he's one of the funniest people on the planet. He said he's just has a way about him that's just funny. Howard said you get into this thing with people and they become part of your troupe. He said some people you just don't want to work with again. Ben said it's nice to work with people you know. He said he knew that Patricia would be good in Severance. He said it is good to know someone.
Howard said he's really loving Severance. He said he wasn't sure how he was going to stick with the thing in the first 10 minutes of the show. He said they were showing the tedium of working and it was kind of boring to watch. He said then the story kicks in. He said it was an interesting premise. He said he would love to be able to work and block out his personal life. He said that his parents are in the back of his head right now. He said he can't separate. He said he's two episodes in and he's loving the show.
Howard asked why Adam Scott is in the show and Ben isn't. Ben said Adam is the best actor for that role. He said he's an interesting dude. He said he's so normal but not normal. He said he has amazing comedic timing. He said he loved working with Adam.
Howard said this show is on Apple+. He said he's not sure if they're making a mistake by releasing the episodes weekly. He said he thinks they are. Ben said he thinks that we're used to being able to watch stuff all at once. He said Apple decided to do it that way. He said they have a lot of things they study about the shows and he thinks they needed to release them slowly because they were starting from scratch. He said the did that at Showtime too. He said everything is streaming now. He said it's all so weird. He said that you see all of these movies and shows on theses services. He said you can just watch what you want. He said that's disconcerting to him. He said that's just the way they're doing it. He said for someone making stuff you want people to tune in and watch stuff the next week. Howard said we're so used to a new way of doing things that you want it all at once. Ben said that you get it in you but then move on to the next thing. Howard said he's right about that. He said he watches stuff and he forgets about it the next week. He said he hopes that people will get into this show and they'll be able to stream it all later.
Howard asked if they're going to know the answers by the end of this series or will they pull a Lost on him. Ben said they will have an answer. He said that he can guarantee that there will be an ending that will satisfy you and leave you wanting more. He said that they're not sure if they are getting a second season yet. He said that this has been in the works since before the pandemic. He said that people are just seeing the show for the first time now. He said he hopes that people will still wonder what's going on but you will get answers too. He said everything is in the show for a reason and will be answered.
Howard said he didn't write this. Ben said he did not. He said it was written by Dan Ericsson as a writing sample. He said it was submitted to his production company and he loved this idea. He said that's how they started with it.
Howard asked how many scripts Ben has to throw out. Ben said he doesn't read them all himself. He said they come into the company and someone will read them. He said maybe an intern or a creative executive who will send it over to him. Howard asked if he ever wonders if the intern passes on the next greatest script of all time. Ben said you can't worry about that. He said you have to trust people you work with. He said it's weird when they wrote ''coverage'' for the script. He said he tries not to read that kind of stuff. He said you will miss stuff so you can't get it all.
Ben said he has passed on things that he has regretted. He said he passed on directing Good Will Hunting. Howard asked how hard that is to deal with. Ben said he hasn't watched it in a while. He said he got sent it by his agent at the time. He said he wasn't into the two guys who wrote it being attached to it. He said he didn't think that was right. He said he missed the boat on that. Howard said he must have questioned his whole existence after that. Ben said it just wasn't right for him at the time.
Howard asked if Ben thinks he'd be a good host of the Academy Awards. Ben said not at all. He said his stomach gets tight just hearing him say that. Howard said he always has things planned out and he doesn't just go up and read something. He said it seems like a natural progression. He asked if he's ever been asked to do it. Ben said they have never asked him to do it. He said his name may have been in the mix years ago. He said he always got so nervous doing those things. He said it would be great if they had asked but he gets so nervous he's no sure he would like it.
Howard said he thinks now the business has changed so much that you don't know what movies are even out there. He said that he'd be afraid to host because people aren't interested in the show that much. Ben said that you do get judged on the ratings. He said it's a weird time for the movies.
Howard said he saw Ben at a Knicks game with Pete Davidson and some other guys. He said Jon Stewart was there too. Howard asked what's going on with that team. Ben said he is a fan of theirs. He said that the last 10 or 11 years he got into it more than ever in his life. Howard asked what the problem is with the team. Ben said it's a really hard time. He said the teams aren't valued on their wins. He said the Knicks are continually breaking the hearts of the fans and they can't seem to figure things out. He said he thinks about his dad when they talk about this. He said his dad can't say a bad thing about anyone. He said he'd feel bad for the players. He said he didn't like it when fans would boo a player. He said the fans just want a little bit of winning. He said this year has been a big letdown.
Howard asked whose fault it is that they're losing. Ben said he can't point fingers. Howard asked him to please point fingers. Ben said he can't. He told Howard who he thinks is doing well this year. He said he doesn't think he knows enough about the game to give his thoughts on all of that.
Howard asked if he judges his fellow celebrities on where they sit. He said he does. He said he saw J.B. Smoove there and he was sitting a few rows back. Ben said if he asks for more than 2 seats he has to consider second row. Howard said he can't be seen on TV in the second row. Ben said he can't at this point. He said it's a little bit of being careful about what you say so you can keep the good seats.
Howard asked how he got in on the good seats. Ben said he was texting with Pete about something and he asked if he wanted to go with him and Jon. Howard said they were all sitting here without masks. He said he worries about him. He said he's no spring chicken. Ben said he went to the game without a mask. He said he feels like he got peer pressured into not wearing a mask. He said no one did it but he felt that way. He said no one was wearing a mask in the green room there. He said he knows Jon Stewart and he wasn't going to ask if he minds him wearing one. He said no one in the place was wearing one other than Tibbs who had his under his chin.
Ben said he got COVID after that game. Howard said of course he did. Ben said it was 2 days later. Howard asked how bad it was. Ben said it wasn't bad. He said he had a bit of a cough and he quarantined for 13 days. He said his son was asking why he didn't just wear a mask. Howard said he should have, they work. Ben said he should have. He said he lucked out that he was vaccinated and boosted. He said Pete and Jon didn't get it so they were fine.
Howard asked Ben about Pete Davison. He said the women can't leave him alone. Ben said he's happy for Pete on the penis front. Howard asked how his own health is doing after his prostate cancer scare. Ben said it's been 7 years and he's doing great.
Howard asked if he should be on the text chain with him and Pete. Ben said he thinks he should. He said Pete has such a charisma and he's so funny. He said he has become very famous for dating and being on the show. He said he has a feeling that he loves to work and cares about his work and that's how he'll be known. He said he's really funny on the show too. He said Pete is just being himself when he does Weekend Update. He said that's not that easy to do.
Howard asked if any of these young guys turn to Ben and ask for advice on women. Ben said no one is asking him for female advice. He said he really likes that show ''Dave'' on FX. He said he's a rapper and he has been talking to him a lot and he gives advice to him. He said he just tells him about mistakes that he's made.
Howard said there's a million things he could talk to him about. Ben said Howard was talking about Bridget Everett. He said he met her about 8 or 9 years ago. He said he heard that story he told and he really likes her. He said he's a fan of her's. He said she's a fearless performer. Howard said he didn't want to like her but he did. He said that maybe she was insulted that he didn't know who she was.
Howard gave Ben some plugs for Severance. Ben said things really start to kick in with episode 3. Howard asked why he only directed the first 3. Ben said he was only going to do the pilot and then it moved to the first 3. He said he was going to do them all but he figured it might be too much work. He said he settled on 6 of 9.
Howard asked Ben if he keeps in touch with someone like Robert De Niro after working with him. Ben said he's not very good about that. He said he's always trying to do that but he's not good at it. He said he gets shy or intimidated. He said he doesn't want to bother Howard so he hasn't reached out to him. Ben said he's the same way. He said that Christine is great. He said he read that she got a big part in something. Ben said that Patricia Arquette is in that too. Howard said he never reaches out to him. Ben said he thinks about reaching out to him and he's afraid he won't email him back. Howard said he would email him back.
Ben said that Howard will email him about something he saw him do and that makes him feel so good. Howard said no one ever does that and it makes people feel good. He said Rodney Dangerfield did that once for something he did. He said that was really nice and it blew him away that he did that. Ben said it does make a difference.
Ben asked if he's been going out at all. Howard said no. He said he knows people who have a lot of issues with this COVID thing. He said that he's not sure how he's going to integrate back into society. He said he used to have people over but everything got weird. He said they could make some decisions if they could get straight answers. He said that's what Beth said. He said that no one is sure how many people came down with COVID at that game Ben got sick at. He said he's not sure. He said all guidance is just do whatever you want to do. been said it's so inconsistent. He said he's not sure what to do about it. He said people tend to blame the messenger but everyone is just trying to figure things out.
Ben said he never even considered this could be a thing. Howard said Mary McCormack wrote him like 3 years ago if he was worried about it. He said no because he was more worried about what Trump was doing. He said that he has a friend who is 70 and he never expected this to be his life at that age. Ben said it's just crazy. Howard asked how old his kids are now. Ben said his son is 16 and his daughter is 20. Howard asked how he avoided COVID with a 16 year old around. Ben said he thinks about what he was doing at 16. He said he was having good and bad experiences. He said his son isn't able to do all of that.
Howard said he read that he's doing a movie about Spiro Agnew. He said he's consumed with that guy. He said he was a right wing guy who was Mr. Religion and he was exposed for bribery and extortion. He said this is why he's fascinated with him. He said if he was the Vice President today he'd just say fuck you and stay in office. He said the guy was a dirty crook and the country wanted him out of there. Ben said that if Trump did something like that he wouldn't have resigned. Howard said not at all.
Ben said that it's an interesting story. Howard asked why Rachel Maddow is doing this and not doing her show. Ben said she is amazing. He said he's a huge fan of her's. Howard said she's blowing up her show with this. Ben said that she had gotten obsessed with this podcast about it and she reached out about doing the show. He said she was doing that show for like a decade. He said he's not even sure how she does what she does. He said she makes it look easy but it's not easy at all. Howard said not at all. He said she looks unscripted but it's not. He said she's a good actress. Ben said if she's reading it's the best teleprompter reading ever. He said he thinks she just needs some time off to relax for a bit. Howard said he's been doing the same dopey thing for 40 years and he's continuing to do it.
Howard said when Judd Apatow was on he talked about the two of them pitching to Mick Jagger about doing a movie with him. He said it was such a great story. He said that he loved that Keith Richards killed the whole thing. Ben said it would have been fun to do it. He said it was a surreal thing. He said he and Judd were like 25 at the time. He said then Mick was pitching them. He said that they pitched him and then it turned around. He said Mick had this idea and it was great to have him on the call making the pitch. He said they went to Toronto to see them rehearsing and it was great to see that.
Howard asked how nervous he was talking to those guys. Ben said he doesn't remember that much about it. He said they were in this little wood paneled room and talking to everyone. He said they were thinking about how it would have worked but it was so out there with the two guys following them around. He said people would have wanted to see a concert movie.
Howard said the movie should have been Ben pitching the movie to Keith Richards and Mick Jagger.
Howard said it's been an amazing life. He said he has come into his own and had so many experiences. Ben said experiences and memories are what he thinks about now. Howard said he didn't dwell on things in the past but he thinks about what he has done. He said he thinks about what matters in the end. He said you wonder what we're doing here. Ben said you do. He said when you're younger you don't think about the finiteness of life.
Howard asked if Ben has hobbies he could do if he retired. Ben said he likes playing the drums for fun. He said it's more of a therapy kind of thing. He said he doesn't have a lot of hobbies. He said he loves going to Hawaii. He said he's been going there for 25 years. He said he could last about 3 months there. He said he made Tropic Thunder there. He said he can do nothing for longer periods of time as he gets older. Howard asked if he can watch TV. Ben said he can. He said he watches sports and can sit through that. He said he's not a big football fan but he does watch the Super Bowl and the playoff games.
Ben asked if he thinks that he could retire and not be bored. Howard said absolutely. He said he can see an end to the job.
Howard asked Ben about working with David Bowie in Zoolander. Ben said he was shocked he said yes to him. He said he had some new music coming out so that might be how they got him. Howard said he can imagine someone having Ben play drums for them. Ben said there's not a lot that he can imagine doing. He said he did buy a drum set of Elton John's drummer. Howard said he bets he could get him in with Elton. Ben said he doesn't want people to watch his dream come true.
Howard asked if he still gets together with his old band Capital Punishment. Ben said yes. He said they still do that. He said they played a benefit show together and it was the most terrifying thing they ever did. He said that this was real people seeing people play. He said it was scary. He said Jon Stewart turned him on to a thing called Drumeo that teaches you drums.
Ben said that Jon Stewart came to visit him on the set of this show. He said that Bell Labs still exists and that's where they shot the show. He said it was built in the 50s and it's still around. He said now it's kind of a shopping mall and it's a great place. Howard said congratulations on the show. He gave him a plug for Severance which is on Apple TV+. He said that he has kept him there long enough. He said that it's almost tomorrow already.
Ben said he wants to hear about his whole Florida thing. Howard said maybe he'll have him there. He said he'll be in a bathing suit and a mask. Howard asked if he got his wife sick with COVID. Ben said he did not. He said he came back and Christine told him to stay away from her. He said he did that anyway and it worked out so she didn't get sick. Howard said he likes to think that he would have worn a mask but he might have taken it off too. He said he thinks about that all the time. He said that we're living in a crazy time and he's losing his mind.
Howard said Bob Odenkirk will be on the show on Monday. Ben said that he was one of the best sketch writers of all time. Howard said he basically discovered him. Ben said not at all. Howard said he loved the Lassie parody sketch they did on Ben's show. He said it was Manson as Lassie. He said that was a great sketch. He asked Ben if he saw his action movie. Ben said he did. He said the guy is such a unique person. He said Bob told him he was training for the movie and he was kind of laughing about it. He said he was so good in it. Howard said a lot of good people worked with Ben.
Howard said he's sure Ben has to pish by now. He gave him some more plugs and asked what he's got going on today. Ben said he just has to take his son to Physical Therapy for his knee. He said he popped it while playing basketball in his room. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said on Tuesday they'll be doing Sex Toy Tycoon. He said they'll have 3 sex toy innovators pitch things to them. Howard said on Wednesday Courteney Cox will be on the show. He ended the show around 10:45am.