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Howard said the real William Shatner is recording a cover of The great American Nightmare in a week. He said he is honored. He said this isn't the fake Bill Shatner. He said thanks to him for doing that. Robin said he's doing some commercials for the Medicare stuff and he's gone grey. She said he was always coloring his hair. Howard said Bill Shatner is 90+ years old and looks terrific. He said he was saying to his mother, who had her birthday on Saturday, that she should be more like this guy. He said he told her that Shatner is single now and she should be dating him too. He said he'd like him as a step father. Robin said imagine them dating. Howard said absolutely. He said she'd be complaining about her vagina hurting from Bill's too thick and girthy penis. He said she should get out there and start dating.
Howard said his mother has only dated one man in her life. He said she's told him that. He said she wasn't into dating more men. He said anything you read about sex it's an animal instinct. He said she says she suppresses the urge. He said he can't wait to tell Robin about her birthday party. He said it was something.
Howard said meanwhile Robin was very triumphant. He said you had to see this. He said you wouldn't believe this. He said you'll be proud of this story. He said he has exclusive clips. He said they have their staff meeting on Thursdays. He said they were talking about this dating game with Drew Barrymore. He said someone mentioned that Robin was going to be speaking that day and addressing the SiriusXM All Hands thing. He said Jennifer Witz holds this meeting with the employees. He said he wants nothing to do with that. He said they have a meeting to go over the goals and spotlight some employees. He said they were going to call it ''All Tits on Deck'' but that was too offensive. He said it's all tits and penis on deck.
Howard said everything drives him crazy so he started in with this. Robin said she heard that he approved of this. Howard said he did when he heard about it. He said that Robin has a lot of thoughts so they should have her there every week. He said he asked how he can participate and watch this. He said he was told that Robin would be there at the end. He said she was going to speak at the end for 15 minutes. Howard said he was told he was blocked and that he wasn't a SiriusXM employee. He said he was so pissed and went to sleep. He said he missed it but he was sent a link so he could watch. Robin said she was there for the whole thing. Howard said he had the whole thing to watch.
Howard said he doesn't want to be part of an All Hands thing. He said what about the rest of his body. He said how about the people there who are handicapped and don't have their hands.
Howard said he got nothing but positive vibes. Then he saw the most horrible thing he has seen in his life. He said he wasn't able to concentrate on Robin. He said right over Jennifer Witz's shoulder was a giant picture of Andy Cohen. He said it was bigger than her head. He said it was him thrusting his hips like he's on Broadway. He said he likes Andy of course but what a horrible thing to do to him. He said the whole company is watching and there's no pictures of him anywhere. He said it's Andy Cohen. He said he likes Andy but come on. He asked how much insult he can take. He said he forced the merger of Sirius and XM. He said they should have a shrine to him in Jennifer's office. He said when she holds a meeting he should be there. He said he wants to know how many people are listening to his channel. He said he guarantees it's not that many. He said he was surprised that Robin didn't disconnect. Robin said she didn't pay attention to all of that.
Howard said it's hard to be an employee there. He said that was her personal office. Robin said that Scott Greenstein seemed to like it. Howard said he should look at other places for work. He said he's not feeling this All Hands thing. He said this hand is going down. He said this hand is going to go jerk off in his bathroom. Robin said he doesn't need that. Howard said his face should be on the building there. Robin said everyone should look like him. Howard said the whole front of that building should be his face and you walk in through his nostrils.
Howard asked if Jennifer is angling to get on Housewives of Beverly Hills or something. Robin said Andy wasn't even mentioned in the meeting. Howard said he thought Robin would have picked up on that. He said it should be called Howard XM there. Robin said she's not laughing because it's not true. She said she didn't know he'd get so upset about it. She said she thought he was a bigger human being. Howard said he didn't quit.
Howard took a call from fake Jennifer Witz who was laughing and asking if he was jealous. Howard said Jim Meyer had a big picture of him over his head during meetings. Fake Jennifer kept laughing and said when she put a picture of Howard up it made clients sick. Howard said he thinks he has done enough to merit a picture over her shoulder. Fake Jennifer said that they're renaming the company SiriusXM-Pandora-Stitcher-Andy Cohen. She was laughing like a witch.
Howard let Jennifer go after she roasted him for a couple of minutes. Robin said there was no sympathy there. Howard said all comedy is based in some truth. He said he was watching it and he didn't really notice it at first. Robin said that's what she was doing. She said she didn't see it. Howard said he was bothered by the picture. He said it was really irritating him and then he realized what it was. He said it was Andy Cohen competing with her face. Robin said it was as big as her. Howard said it was like a little man standing on her shoulder but he was bigger than her head. He said there was more Andy than Jennifer there.
Howard said then Robin says that Scott liked it. Robin said he just said he liked what was behind her. Howard said he's a traitor. He said he's interviewing Bruce Springsteen. He said that's not Andy. He said he's got the Drew Barrymore Dating Game too. He said that's the last time he tunes into that meeting.
Howard said he has some audio of Robin at the meeting. He said even Jennifer was shocked by Robin being there. He played some audio of Jennifer introducing Robin at the meeting. Howard said Robin was soaking in that intro. Robin said hi and Jennifer said that she's so nervous having radio royalty there. Howard said she'll be really nervous when Andy is there. Howard said all work was stopped for this meeting. He said Robin was intimidating her.
Howard took a call from fake Jim Meyer who was calling in about this being bullshit. He said he's going to go over there and piss on that photograph. He said he has 16 margaritas in him right now. Howard said he's enjoying his retirement out there.
Howard said Robin was asked a question about who her role models were growing up. Howard played a clip of Robin telling Jennifer that she didn't have any. Robin said she really didn't know what she was doing.
Robin said she wasn't really inspired by anyone. Howard said she must have been inspired by someone like Cousin Brucie. Howard played another clip that the guys edited and had Robin talking about Deepak Chopra from an audio book outtake.
Howard said he liked her answer when she talked about her cancer and how she didn't let it beat her. He said she was right back on the air the day after her surgery. Robin said they had a week off before that. Howard played another clip where Robin talked about that cancer thing. Robin said she's kind of crazy so you can ask her to do crazy things. She said she thinks of herself as essential so when she discovered she was going to have to have this operation the first thing she did was tell the department that they had better get her that land line to her house from Sirius working. She said she only missed one day and that was the day after the surgery.
Howard said if someone takes a day off they had better be dead. Howard said someone there wrote that they saw Robin on the All Hands thing and they were inspired by her. Howard said she lit a fire cracker under their asses there. Howard read more glowing comments from the staff there at SiriusXM. Howard jokingly said Andy Cohen wrote ''I look great'' about the meeting.
Howard said Jennifer Witz asked about their Jennifer Witz. She hopes to meet her some day. Howard said there it is. He said good for you Robin. He said he thinks that Jennifer handled that meeting well. He said she was comfortable and didn't act like a boss. He said it was kind of shocking that she would do that to him with the Andy picture though. He said it's that familiarity breeds contempt thing. He said it might be time for him to leave this company and build up another company's subscriber base.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was going off on Jennifer and said Robin should have walked out on that meeting. She said it's a slam against him. Howard said he's sure Andy Cohen will save this company if they get into trouble. Mariann said she hopes that the powers that be know what this company was like before he joined. She said she has her subscription because of Howard. Howard said she's the only one who remembers. He said they had 400,000 subscribers when he signed on. He said now they have 35 million. He said people forget. He said the future of the company is Andy Cohen. He said that's clear to him. He said they have to back the right horse.
Mariann said she's shocked that Robin didn't walk out. Robin said she's not that insecure. She said she knows that they can do fine no matter where they go. She said they worked at a station that didn't advertise them at all and the still got to number 1. She said they'll be fine. Fred played Robin's theme music while she was doing that.
Howard said he did enjoy that All Hands meeting. He said every month he'll tune in and see Andy's picture. He took another call from fake Jennifer Witz who was laughing non stop. Howard said he's a joke around there so that's why she's laughing. He said he can't take it anymore. He hung up on her.
Howard said the employees were so inspired by Robin that they chanted ''Show your tits!'' He played a clip of some guys doing that chant.
Howard said he really did like that meeting. He said he only fell asleep a few times during the meeting. He said he only saw a little bit of Scott Greenstein's speech.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been a subscriber since day 1. He said he doesn't think that Andy has any pull over there. Howard said it has nothing to do with Andy. He said he's friends with Andy. He said a CEO should have a picture of him there. He said that's like going to church and seeing a giant picture of someone other than Jesus there. He said this is the church of Howard Stern. He said they had a picture of Andy Cohen up there. He said when you go to church they have Jesus at every time in his life. He said it's just Jesus. He said it's obnoxious. He said you can't find anything but Jesus at the Vatican. He said you'd think that's what they would have there at SiriusXM. He said it should be every age of Howard. He said he should be embarrassed when he walks in the building.
The caller said it would crumble if Howard left. Howard said he left a station in New York and the whole thing collapsed. He said now they're carrying the news. Robin said she thinks they're afraid of Howard. She said they don't want to offend Howard and they may pick the wrong picture to put up in her office. Howard said her office should look like a Howard Stern museum. He said she should have all Howard Stern stuff in that office. He said it's like going to Graceland and seeing a picture of Andy there. He said they should have Andy's pictures up at Bravo. He said around there it's just one god and that's him.
Howard said people get comfortable and they forget. He compared himself to Moses and coming back to the Jews worshiping something other than him.
Howard said Winston Churchill saved England while Hitler was taking over country by country. He said he would address the country and let the country know what was going on with the Nazis. He said he rallied them. He said he made phone calls to the American president to get them in. He said once the war was over they got rid of him. Robin said they had to bring him back. Howard said he never wants to speak of this horror ever again. Robin said she's sure that will never happen again. Howard said he never wants that picture changed. He said he's very important to the company. He said he would be embarrassed if she took down that picture of Andy. He said he was a little freaked out but he's over it now.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's listening to this and thinking they're trying to build his audience because Howard will leave before him. Howard said you never know. He said he doesn't think that it's that well thought out. He said he just thinks that it's like a ''what can you do for me lately'' kind of thing. He said people look back at George Washington and don't think he did that much for this country. He said people wanted to make him king but he refused. He said people forget.
The caller said that she loves Andy but this isn't good for him. Howard said this isn't a knock against Andy. He said it could have been a picture of anyone who works there that would have gotten him upset. He said it sends a bad message to the company. He said the one SiriusXM host who is in there isn't going to be Jose from Liquid Metal. He said come on. He said he loves Jose but he's not the guy.
The caller said she's sure that they'll come to him and talk to him about this later. Howard said next time put Joel Osteen up there or someone like that. Howard said how about Eddie Trunk or Al Roker's picture.
Howard played a clip of Meghan talking about getting the job and how it made her feel not smart. She said she was surrounded by smart women on stage. She said she would end up leaving and having a pit in her stomach an how she felt objectified on stage. Robin asked if they told her what the job was. Howard played more of the clip of Meghan talking about being reduced to this there at that show.
Howard said that game was so mindless. He said the contestants pointed at briefcases and picked one. He said they didn't have to use a single brain cell. He said she went to that audition and wasn't asked to build a rocket ship. Robin said she's pretty sure she knew what the job was and that was just standing there and opening a suitcase.
Howard said Memet said to him that he was trying to find a toy fish that would fit inside Richard's asshole. He said that's the kind of work they have to do there.
Howard said this is insulting to someone like Vanna White who has done that job forever. He said she gets into a cocktail outfit and she's listening to this podcast wondering if she's a prisoner of war. Robin said she just has to go to the light and touch the letters. Howard said he wishes he had a job like that.
Howard said Meghan described what it was like back stage at Deal or No Deal. He said that she revealed that looks were important. He said that's the bombshell she dropped. Howard played a clip of her talking about what it was like back stage over there. She talked about how the job was only about beauty and not brains. Howard said of course it was. He said she wasn't forced into this job. He said she signed on for it. He said if you don't like it then don't do it. Robin said the whole career is about looks. She said looks matter in that job.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was there from the beginning when Howard said he was signing on. He said he looks back on that fondly. Howard said of course. He said that they did a lot back then. He said Andy has brought in many subscribers. He said this is no knock against Andy.
Howard said they have the Drew Barrymore dating game coming up in about an hour. Robin said she thought that he had to get to more of the Meghan stuff. Howard said he got to it all.
Howard said they have four contestants for the dating game but the may take one out. He said he's not sure what he's going to do. He said she has 3 great guys. He said that they might see a great romance come out of this. He said he thinks Robin will beg to get the guys Drew doesn't pick. He said they will all have chemistry. Howard said one of these guys is someone his wife loves. He said that he had to hear about that all last night. He said he had to tell her to go blow them if she's so into them.
Howard too a call from a guy who was calling in from Philly so Howard congratulated him on the Phillies getting into the playoffs. The caller said he thought that they were going to be playing the Yankees. Howard said no, they're playing the Astros. He said this guy has a bigger vagina than he does. Howard read about what happened with the Yankees and how they got swept. He said he loves Philly because they always supported him in his career. He said they now have the Phillies playing the Astros. He said the Jets and Giants are doing well too. Gary got on and went over some of their stats. Howard and Gary talked about Tom Brady a bit too. Howard thinks that guy is going to get laid a lot no matter what happens with his team. He said he should be dating someone hot but not that famous. Gary said maybe one of the Hadid sisters. Howard said how about Heidi Klum and her daughter. He said date both of them.
Howard said that dude's dick is going to need an IV bottle and a nurse full time. He said he thinks a hot model is better than a hot actress. He said actresses are tougher to deal with. He said just listen to Meghan Markle talking about how hard her job was.
Gary said Tom Brady is having a tough season. He said Aaron Rogers is too.
Howard said this dude is all man and he's up for it. He said he finds his own food out there and hunts it. He said he will pick up road kill and eat it. He said he's a real man. Richard said he built the tracks for the railroad out there. He said he was a hard working man. Howard said he's pretty sure this will set all kinds of records if they get that video out there. Howard said he has to get Richard home to see his dad. He said they have to make it a business trip. He said they will get them out in the field and shoot it at the farm. Howard said he has to make that happen.
Howard said he has some ideas for what to shoot. Richard said maybe he can be on Zoom telling them what to do. Howard said he's up for that. He said no boners though. He said you have to be professional. Richard said he's pretty sure that you don't have to worry about him or his dad. Howard said they have to recreate the John Lennon and Yoko Ono shoot. He said he may even be able to get them on the cover of Rolling Stone. He said he bets that they'll be over Jennifer Witz's head in the next All Hands meeting.
Robin said she's so happy about this. She thanked Richard's dad for agreeing to do that. Howard said Richard's dad is a good man.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's be perfect for this Drew Barrymore date thing. He said he actually knew her back in the 90s and 2000s. He said he made her a Lemon Drop Martini and she would come in and light up when she saw him. He said he made her this special drink every time. Howard said he hates to burst his bubble here but she already met him and it didn't work out. He hung up on that guy. Howard said she was excited about the drink, not you. He said she's sober now anyway. He said she doesn't need him.
Howard said anyway his niece was coming in for his mother's birthday. He said his daughter wanted to do something for her too. He said that she wanted a party and she was going to do something for her. He said she picked up some food and got her a cake. Howard said his sister and brother in law wanted to do something too. He said he had to tell his mother that they were doing something for her. He said everyone was coming in for her. He said that she didn't want a party. He did his impression of his mother talking about how she doesn't want that now because it's hard for her. She said she just wants to die in peace.
Howard said he told his mother about what was going on and it was a problem. He said he was going to be the guy to stay out of this for her though. He said he was going to ask them to back off and say it was too much for her. He said it was crazy what was going on. He said this social worker who works with her is great. He said she tells him that his mother is freaking out and she tried to talk to her. Howard said she told her to just go with it. Howard said he was so happy to hear that. He said she gets a hold of him and he has to work with her. He said he hung up with the social worker and then his mom calls. He said she can't hear him so he has to talk louder. He said he tells her to turn up the volume on the microphone. He said he goes through this until she hears him and tells him to stop yelling at her because she can hear him.
Howard said his mom asked what was going on with the party. He said she was nervous about it. Howard said all the work the social worker did goes right out the window. Howard said he told her what was going on and how they're celebrating her 95th birthday. He said that he didn't know what to tell her. He asked what she's nervous about. He said that she can give him the hi sign if she gets tired. He said she was fine with that. He said that she got upset that he hadn't called all week. He said he can't call because she can't hear him. He said she asked if Beth was coming. He said she's not. Then she freaks out thinking something happened with her.
Howard said Beth has to take care of Yoda because he's dying. He said that she has to be with him. He said he will tell that story too. Howard said Yoda has cancer and a growth and this heart condition.
Howard said then the day comes for his mother's birthday. He said he was going to leave her alone. He said he has to run a business and his family. He said he let the other people run this party and backed away from it. He said he can't be the boss of everything. Robin said you can't stamp out every little fire.
Howard said they had the party and for 2 hours his mother was carrying on. He said his daughter asked if she wanted a bagel and lox. She said that can't eat that. Howard said he told her to just eat half. He said she said no and told them to take away half. He said she took away half and then his mother gobbled down the half. He said she wanted everyone to leave the room while she ate. Howard said he told her to just eat and they'll talk. He said this is what a party is like with the Stern family.
Howard said his mother ate the bagel and had some Snapple. He said his daughter got her a cake with Oreo on it. He said she had some of that. He said she blew out the candle. Howard said his niece told him that she talked about the party all the next day. He said she gives him agida about it and then she has a great time. Robin said this is what she needs. She said don't listen to her. Howard said all he gets is aggravation.
Howard said he had to get his mother the new COVID vaccination and they can't get it for her there. He said he had to call around to get it for her. He said he's the only one thinking about it. He said he's tired of all of this. Howard said he came very close to calling off the party.
Howard said Beth is a mess with this cat. He said if it was him he doesn't know what they would do. He said he was thinking about doing the surgery but Beth said no. He said they've been down that route. He said there's a lot of suffering and it never works out well. He said Yoda is upstairs dying and they're a mess. Robin said every cat they take has a problem. Howard said they have to get some healthy cats. Robins said the just need one or two.
Howard said he knows a guy who is 61 and he loves riding motorcycles. He said he took a spill and the wife told him he had to stop but the guy insisted he had to keep riding because he loves it. He said this guy kept riding. He said it's about giving up something you love for someone you love. He said this is what Tom is saying to Gisele. He said he needs to do what he loves. Robin said she's saying that there is no retirement on his mind at all.
Howard said she has no romance with this guy and she feels that she's being treated wrong. He said that Gisele had enough and she's moving on. Ralph said she married him when he was Tom Brady and now she doesn't want him playing football. Howard said he was putting a lot of energy into her and football but now he has no energy left for her. Robin said that's all speculation. Howard said he knows. Robin said she is resenting his career and she's creating the distance. Ralph said the guy is upset and broken and that's fucking up the team.
Howard asked Ralph who he thinks Tom should be dating. Ralph said he has talked about this with him before. He said he needs a normal hot chick like a stripper. Howard said Ralph dated plenty of those. Robin said that's why he's alone.
Howard said he has to take a break and do some commercials and stuff. He said he has to get ready for the dating game. He said these guys are so good that they could end up in a romance. Robin said she's worried that he's going to be bummed out if this doesn't work out. Howard said his wife put a lot into this too. He said she might be bummed. Robin said sometimes there is no chemistry with people. Howard said he thinks that it's impossible for that not to happen. He said that he feels chemistry with these guys himself.
Howard said he has to wrap this Tom Brady thing up. He said it does take two to tango. He said we don't know if Tom made promises to her. Robin said it may have been from the nagging. He said that she may have wanted him to give it up and kept on him about it. She said you try to shut people up because they're on their high horse. Howard said his wife said that it was killing him when he did America's Got Talent. He said that he wanted to do one more season but she told him that he was going to be miserable. Howard said he did another season and she was supportive. Robin said he was miserable and didn't enjoy it at all. Howard said he didn't but that fucking guy Simon Cowell did his thing too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Gisele is someone who gave up everything. She said that Howard is the one who says it's just stupid football. Howard said that's right. The caller said she gave up everything and they must have had an agreement to give it up and move on to something else. Howard said she may have thought she was in it alone. He said her body is stick rockin' and she could get more guys. Robin said the grass is always greener. Howard said that's right.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks they should let Jon Blitt in. He said he's kind of a kook so just put him in. Howard said he convinced him to put him in. He said they'll do that then. He said he thinks that was Jon on the phone. He said he thinks there is a certain dynamic with the way they did the original dating game. He said they had 3 and that was what worked. He said to juggle 4 is a little bit intense. He said he thinks maybe hell throw him in the mix though.
Robin asked how the date is going to happen. Howard said Drew will get the guy's number and she will set up the date. Howard said that he hopes they can get an update if the do go on a date. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and had Beth in with him. He said that she can sit so she doesn't get dizzy. He said she always gets dizzy. He had her get a microphone. He said thanks for marrying him. He said that he can't believe that she was crazy enough to do that. He said he has to thank her for the help with the dating game too. Beth said she's a fan of Drew's as well.
Howard said he has to introduce for the dating game the contestants. Howard said Drew isn't listening right now. He said she's locked in a room with Gary. He said they turned down a lot of people to play this game. He said the gentlemen are the best of the best. He said they are top notch. He said one guy is a platinum selling musician. Beth said Howard knows one of them very well. Howard said Beth is in love with this guy. Howard said she should run off with him. Howard said the second guy is a singer and Broadway actor. He said this is the guy Beth went out with. Howard said the third guy is an MMA fighter and stand up comedian. He said the fourth guy is Blitt. He said Beth thinks he's a good guy. Beth said she doesn't know the third guy.
Howard said the first guy is Joshua Radin. He said he has written songs for a lot of shows and stuff. He said he's in Sweden today. He said he's on there showing off his arms and stuff. Howard played some of his music. It was the song ''Here, Right Now.'' Howard said he gets the chills when he hears that song. It made Beth cry because of Yoda. She said they're losing one of their pets. Howard said it hits every nerve with them. He asked Josh how he's doing and said he has met some of the women he has dated. He said he's still on the market though. Howard said he thinks he'd be an excellent husband for Drew. He said that Josh didn't pick up the guitar until he was 30 years old. He asked how he learned it that quick. He said he has also played at Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi's wedding. Beth said she'd like him to play at their wedding. She said they should renew their vows and have Josh there.
Howard asked Josh how he got that gig. Josh said that Ellen had him on her show and she ended up booking him for their wedding. He said they've been friends every since. Howard said that's crazy.
Howard said it's time for Josh to settle down. He said he must be serious about this. Josh said that it would be nice. He said he just hasn't met the right person. Howard said imagine if he did find love here. Josh said he can't turn Howard and Beth down to do this game. Beth asked if Drew can see any of these guys. Howard said she wont be able to see them. Beth said that Drew follows Josh so she may have met him. Josh said they may have met many years ago.
Howard said bachelor number 2 was right on Beth's lips. He said this is Clarke Thorell. He said that Beth dated him. He said Clarke works in music and acting. Beth said she worked with him and everyone was fawning over him. She said she met him in the show Tommy for the first time. She said she saw him years later and they ended up dating. She said they ran into each other. Clarke said she thought she was so out of his league. Beth said they smooched a few times. Howard said he's looking at him thinking she should have married him. Beth said he looks really cute with the beard. Howard said he's pretty sure his wife would have made out with Josh too. He asked Clarke if he was in love with Beth at the time. Clarke said that he thought she was stunning inside and out. He said he doesn't think she knew it to the extent that others did. He said it was great hearing that she had met Howard and they got together. Howard asked if he was shocked when he heard the news. He said he must have wondered why she was going out with him. Clarke said he didn't think that way. He said that he was just in his own way at the time. He said he didn't know what he had to offer Beth at the time. Beth said she doesn't think that they ever had a sleep over. She said they did kiss but that was about it.
Clarke said he thinks he's ready now to find someone. Howard asked if he would take on the Barrymore name. Clarke said he would consider it. Howard said Clarke has been in The Sopranos. He asked what he played in that. Clarke said it was a one off thing. He said he came and got Christopher's kid for a Christian church thing. Howard said he's been in a lot of shows. Beth said he has a great voice too.
Howard said bachelor number 3 is no slouch either. He said they're all handsome. He said he could have done so much if he looked like a human being. He said this is Diego Lopez. He said he's a former MMA fighter and now and instructor. He said he can beat your ass and tickle your funny bone as well. He said he's also a stand up comedian. Beth said he is cute too. Diego said he once served Beth and Robin at Blossom. Robin and Beth had gone to lunch apparently.
Howard asked Diego about who the best MMA fighter is. Diego said that's hard to rank but Demitris Johnson is very good. He said that's his favorite. Howard read more details about Diego and found out he's still got roommates. He said that he's vegan and sober for 14 years.
Howard said he's going to throw Jon Blitt into this. He said he's not sure how he can beat any of these guys. Jon said he can't either. Howard said his secret thing in this game is that he has written the script for E.T. 2. He said that he will give her the script. Blitt said that he'll give it to her either way. He said he's never written a script before but he did write that. Howard said Jon is into drugs so that might not work for Drew. Beth let out an ''Oh jeez!'' when she heard that.
Howard said they have to get to the game. Beth said she's going to head out. She said she's going to leave it to Howard. Howard said he can't believe her former man is part of this. Beth said they have been friends all these years. She said she thinks he's fantastic. She said that they're at the top of her list. She said she loves Howard very much and he's at the top of her list.
Howard had the guys bring in Drew to play the game. He said he'll play the game. He said Drew looks beautiful. Robin said hi too. Drew said that she just heard Beth leave. She said she loves Beth. She said she has had a personal connection to them and that means a lot to her. Howard asked if she's nervous. He said that the have four men for her. He said they're four great guys. He said she looks fantastic. Drew thanked him. Howard said she got super dolled up for this. Drew said the last few years she has been on the verge of a heart attack like everyone else out there. She said that she is nervous. She said she has thought a lot about this. She said she took it as serious as they did.
Howard said all of these men want to be Mr. Drew Barrymore. He said don't be nervous. He said dating any of them would be perfect for her. Howard said he has to start this by singing the official song for love. He sang a theme song to the tune of The Love Boat theme.
Howard said she can't have him by the way. Drew said this is an old fashioned kind of vibe. She said she has to start this out a certain way. Howard said its her game. Drew said she has to thank Robin for being there. She said she has to say something to Howard and Beth too. She said that she doesn't think about what people think about her. She said that she said yes to this 6 months ago. She said this is the start of a movement. She said she has rarely to never been set up. She said she has spent time telling stories about the concept of love and she loves love. She said she has it with her two daughters and she has tried to figure out what love is. Drew said she will say that she is coming there without the benefit of the mystery that these men do. She said she has never had that in her life. She said that she would like to tell them her story. She said with that said she would like behavior there that there won't be a winner and there won't be a loser. She said take out the pageantry from this. She said she is so grateful at the core of this. She said that for Howard and Beth to think that she deserves to find someone is something that makes her think that we should all be dong this for one another. She said that she wants to be a matchmaker herself. She said she knows people who do this but she never has. She said she loves figuring out what love is and she hopes that the guys are themselves and don't try to win this thing. She said that she wants all of these men to act like themselves. She said maybe on the other side they can find something and if something clicks they'll know what to do.
Howard said however this goes down when she chooses one they get to control the situation themselves. Robin said that Drew can take one of the guys and they won't know who it is. Howard said she will pick just one. He said whatever they do is their business. Howard said she will end up marrying one of them. He said there is no question in his mind.
Drew said Howard has done the work and he has longevity. She said that's what she hopes she will be able to do. Howard said Jimmy Fallon has some advice for the guys here. He said he has a clip to play. He played that and Jimmy said that his wife has been her producer for 20 years. He said if you want to date Drew you have to be spontaneous and a few other things.
Howard quickly got to bachelor number 1 and had him say hello. He did that with all four bachelors.
Howard asked Drew if she wants to start the questioning. Drew said she has been very thoughtful with this and she's very grateful for what Howard and Beth are doing for her. She said we should all keep our eyes open for people around us. She said we could all be doing this for each other. Howard said he thinks that's very true. He said that he'll give Robin the numbers of all three of the guys she doesn't pick.
Howard had Drew ask her first question. She asked Howard what he thinks as a father and husband dating is. Howard said it's about finding someone who has all the potential to make you happy and for you to want to make them happy. He said you place them above all others. Drew said that's a very good answer. Howard asked when they get to sleep with each other.
Howard asked Drew to ask the guys a question. Drew said she wants to ask them the same question about what their process was do decide to do this. Bachelor 1 (Josh) said he has never said no to Howard and Beth and he though this would be fun. Drew said she hears him there. She said that's why she said yes. She said she's been shitting her pants for the past 6 months. Howard asked Bachelor 2 (Clarke) how he decided. He said that he asked a lot of questions about it not being gimmicky and things like that. Bachelor 3 (Diego) said that he has never done anything like this and he thought that it would be fun to have with a possible future wife. Bachelor 4 (Jon) said that he thinks Drew is a very attractive and intelligent person and he had to jump in on this.
Drew asked if they have kids. Howard asked them all. Bachelor 1, 2, 3 and 4 said they do not. Bachelor 3 said he teaches a lot of kids. Bachelor 4 said he doesn't have any but he has friends with kids and he treats them like his own.
Drew said she has some non negotiables. She said she's not looking to have kids or get married. She said she doesn't want someone to come in and rock the boat. She said that she is looking for someone who is open to exploration and someone who can take it very slow. She said she dates about once or twice a year. She said she still loves the stories and she loves comedy. She said she still tells great stories to her friends.
Drew asked what the guys are looking for and not looking for. She asked what their non-negotiables are. Bachelor 1 said he is very open minded and he hasn't thought about his non-negotiables. He said that he isn't sure he can be completely himself. He said that he is looking for someone who is a mama bear kind of person. Drew asked how his relationship is with his mother. He said his mother is great. He said that the three women he has dated long term had a mother like quality.
Howard asked Bachelor 2 about what his non-negotiables are. Bachelor 2 said that he likes rigidity in flexibility and he thinks it's about give and take and collaboration. He said that they're all made up of the same stuff essentially. He said he's looking for what lights us up and find the commonality.
Howard asked bachelor 3 what his non-negotiables are. Bachelor 3 said just don't' be mean to him. He said he likes it when someone is sincere and authentic and being themselves with someone and not have to put something on with someone. He said he finds that exhausting.
Howard asked Bachelor 4 what his are. Blitt said that he thinks honesty is important. He said he's solid himself and he's like the Titanic. He said that he likes that her kids come first. He said if they didn't then he'd be out of there. He said that's incredible to hear.
Howard said Drew is friends with a lot of famous people. Howard asked if something weird happens out on a date like they're out with Cameron Diaz and she puts her hand on his lap and starts diddling him what do they do. Bachelor 1 said he'd be every uncomfortable. He said he'd ask her if she set him up to be tested. Bachelor 2 said that his mother asked why he didn't date Cameron about 20 years ago. He said he'd ask Drew if she set that up too. Bachelor 3 said that he'd let Drew know after pushing Cameron's hand off his lap. He said that he would want her to know. Drew said she thinks that they'd try to get them both in bed. Howard said he doesn't think so. Bachelor 4 said that he would tell Cameron to get her hands off of him and yell at her and leave with Drew.
Howard said he has a question for the guys from Jimmy Fallon. He played a clip and Jimmy said that he'd like to hear them make up a song on the spot about what their date would be like. Drew said that's really doing a number on these guys. Howard started with number 4 first. He had Blitt do his thing. Blitt had a guitar there so he played a little song for Drew. He sang about going to St. Barts for 3 days with her. Bachelor 3 didn't have an instrument and he didn't have a song ready to go. He said he has no idea where St. Barts even is. He sang one for her about going to a diner. Drew seemed to enjoy that.
Bachelor 2 was up next. He sang a song for her and had a ukulele there he played for her. He made up his song about going out and just laughing as time went by. Howard asked if he has anything else. Bachelor 2 sang another little bit for him.
Howard asked for Bachelor 1 to play something. He said he might push her toward bachelor 4. Howard said he must have a love song in him. Bachelor 1 said this is so embarrassing. Drew said his answer was perfect. She went on to ask the guys if they can help women understand why men ghost women and if they have ever done it. She asked how a woman should process that.
Bachelor 4 said men do it because they're cowards. She said that this is something he thought about doing but he didn't because it's cowardly. He said you should walk away and forget about that person if they do something like that to you. He said women do it too. He said you just have to forget it and move on.
Bachelor 3 said that ghosting has changed and he thinks that he may have done it. He said that he went on two dates and stopped talking. He said that might be ghosting. He said that he hasn't canceled plans kind of ghosted. Drew said it isn't a black and white kind of thing. She said that there are grey areas. She said that there isn't a set of rules. Howard asked number 2 if he has ghosted. Bachelor 2 said he has not ghosted but he has been ghosted. He said if he has a lapse in communication he has tried to clean it up. He said he hates it so much when there's a complete drop of communication. Drew asked if it exhausts him to do that. She asked if it feels good to keep it clean. Bachelor 2 said he hates it and it's so easy to just take 15 seconds to respond to someone.
Howard asked bachelor 1 why men ghost and has he ever ghosted. He said he has once or twice but he has responded eventually. He said he has been ghosted himself too. He said he wonders why it happened but he moves on because that just wasn't the right person to be with. He said sometimes the silence says a lot. He said maybe it's in your head when they're going through something. He said the healthy way to do it is to just let it go and that wasn't the person for you.
Howard said he's going to ask a few quick fire questions. Drew asked what their take on religion is first. Bachelor 1 said he's about questions, not answers. He said he was raised Jewish but un-religiously. He said he's not into clubs but all religions are based on love. He said whatever works for you. Bachelor 2 said he's not religious but he is deeply spiritual. He said he thinks any religion that works for you is great. He said as long as you're not judging someone else or asking away their choice is fine. Bachelor 3 said that he is atheist and he doesn't believe in any god but we should be nicer to each other. He said if you are religious just don't be a dickhead to anyone else. Howard asked number 4 what his take is. Bachelor 4 said he just lives his life as being fun and treat people well.
Howard asked the guys some quick fire questions about what they would do in certain situations. He asked what they would do in certain situations. They gave quick answers to all of that.
Drew asked the guys what they have done to make a girl laugh. Bachelor 1 told a story about how it usually has to do with music and taking his pants off. Drew asked if that's a dancing around naked kind of thing. Bachelor 1 was joking about looking funnier with a shirt on and pants off. Bachelor 2 said he did a Donald Duck voice. He did the voice for Drew.
Howard asked the guys how they would respond if Chris Rock insulted Drew at the Oscar's. Bachelor 1 said he wouldn't do anything. Bachelor 2 said he would lean over and see how she's feeling. Bachelor 3 said he might laugh but he wouldn't go slap the guy. He said that he might give a stern eye contact. Bachelor 4 said he would walk up and tell him to apologize without violence.
Howard said maybe they can get another question and decide. He asked Drew if she's starting to feel a connection for one of the guys. Drew said it takes time. She said she doesn't get why she can't see what they look like. Howard said Chuck Barris invented the dating game and it's about the connection and not the looks. Drew said she's into masks and not being able to see people so that's not what this is about. She said that she has gone for the funny person and she has gone for the guy who said that he would take her hand. She said that got to her. She said that was bachelor 2. She said she hasn't had someone take her hand in so long. She said if you can make someone feel safe that's a great thing. She said that men and women have to protect each other more.
Howard asked the guys if they would stay with her if she had a colostomy bag. The guys all said that they would stay. Bachelor 3 said he would get one for her. Bachelor 4 said he has one already so he would stay.
Drew asked the guys what it is that they are looking for. Bachelor 1 said he's not looking. He said he likes to start to get to know someone as a friend first. He said you get to know them for who they are and then you move forward. He said he tends to have walls up around himself and his work is dedicated to intimacy. He said it takes some time. Drew asked if he's married. He said he's had 3 long monogamous relationships. She asked how old he is. He said he's 48. Drew said she's 47.
Howard asked Bachelor 2 what's going on with him. Bachelor 2 said he's super passionate about everything he does and everything he takes in. He said he would love to find someone who has done the work and is looking to evolve and find the miraculous in the mundane. He said there are things to find joy and gratitude in around them and he would like to walk through life with more grace. Howard said he's pleasuring himself to all of these guys. Robin asked if he's dating. He said he has been in some great relationships and he loves every one of them. He said he has not been married. He said he is single and he has a dear friend he has some chemistry with. Drew said she dated someone who told her that she was too moody for him. She said you can always be honest about that.
Howard asked bachelor 3 for his answer. He gave his answer and said he wants someone he wants to be around as much as possible. He said he doesn't like the feeling of someone who has to check the boxes for. He said he is single.
Howard asked bachelor 4. Blitt said he's about the slow burn too. He said that's a great way to shape a relationship. He said you have to be in the moment and check in with the person.
Drew said she has one last question. Howard said he sees she's no nonsense. He said that he likes her questions. Drew said she will never forget this moment for the rest of her life. She said Howard and Beth were so good to her. She said that we should all be doing this for each other. Howard asked her to get to her question. Drew said she wants the most honest answer. She said if you don't pick anyone what is their next step after they say goodbye. Bachelor 1 said that would be cool and he'd probably write to her and said it was nice to meet her. Bachelor 2 said he thinks there is freedom in that and it's beautiful and he would make sure he had a way to reach out to her too. He said he thinks he said it early on that even if it's not a romantic thing that if they met they would align in a lot of ways. He said he likes what she has done in her life to heal and bring joy into her life and her kid's lives. Drew said that's a good answer.
Howard asked bachelor 3 for his answer. Bachelor 3 said that Robin wins by default if she doesn't pick anyone. He said that he wouldn't even reach out because he wouldn't want to add to her stress. He said he would continue with his day and go to his Zoom commercial audition later on today.
Bachelor 4 said that if she didn't pick anyone he would go back to writing E.T.'s Back a Tale of the American Family and visit his nieces. Drew said this is the guy who wrote the script.
Howard said he could ask a million ore questions. He said he has to thank these four guys. He said they give him hope with humanity. He said they have all been honest and open. He said he could have asked questions for a month and exhausting this entire process. Drew said that's why it's so hard. Howard said he could have asked so many questions. He said they have been gracious with their time. He said he'd be a little bit aroused if he were Drew. Drew said she's not even sure what to do. She said she doesn't want there to be a winner. Howard said it's not about winning or losing. He said they want her to find love too. He said that they are there to plug a few projects as well. Robin said there might be one there that she would like to continue a conversation with. Drew asked who Robin would pick.
Howard said he has to put Drew to the test now. He asked which one she's going to choose. Howard said maybe he can ask one more question about how many inches the guys have. He said he has one inch himself. Drew said that she doesn't care about height or anything like that. Howard asked Drew what she's going to do. Drew asked if any of the guys are looking to have kids. Bachelor 2 said he's not drawn to that but he'd be open to it. He said he's open to either. Bachelor 1 said he wanted kids but in the last few years he thinks that things have changed and he thinks that he knows that relationship and channel that love into other relationships so it might be with animals or someone else's kids. He said he's surrendered that idea and he doesn't need to have them to be happy.
Howard asked bachelor 3 if he's looking to have kids. He said he teaches kids and enjoys doing that but he doesn't want kids of his own. Bachelor 4 did his Michel Jackson impression talking about not wanting kids of his own.
Howard said the point of this whole thing was to pick one. He said he thinks she will fall in love and have a great experience. Howard said he and Beth went through these guys and they feel one of them could be the real thing for her. Howard asked what she wants to do. Drew said she wants to throw up because this is so bizarre and surreal. Howard asked the guys if they'll be okay if they don't get her number. All the guys said they'll be fine. Bachelor 4 said it will be difficult for a minute. Drew said she doesn't know any of these guys enough. Howard said he can vouch for all of these guys. He said they're all winners. He said someone will console them very quickly. He said they're all winners. Drew asked if she can pick all four. Howard said she has to chose one. Drew said she never wants to get married again ever. Howard said she has to chose just one. Drew asked why she can't see them. Robin said it's because of Chuck Barris. He said it's about personality.
Howard asked Beth to come in there. He said she just texted him about who she should pick. Drew said she needs help. Drew said she has to have her fans on her IG telling her who to pick.
Howard said take a chance at love and pick one. Robin said she has to have a gut feeling. Drew said she doesn't know what they're like months from now. Howard asked if there's anyone there who she wants to continue talking to. Drew said yeah. Robin said she's the slow burn so get to know them better. Drew said she didn't think about this part of the process.
Howard said he's going to give her some information about each guy. Drew said that might help. Howard said that he's going to be very vague. Then he asked each guy to make a plea. Bachelor 1 said he isn't going to plea. He said he'll write her either way. Drew said that's a great fucking answer. Bachelor 2 said that his instinct is to be selfless as well. He said he has heard number 1's music and he would swoon over him too. Howard said number 1 is a musician and number 2 is an actor and singer. He said number 3 is a stand up comic and teaches kids MMA fighting. Number 4 is a guy who works for him who is a comedy writer and performer. Howard went over all four again. He said number 4 is mentally ill. He said that he actually works for him.
Beth came in and asked who she picked. Howard said they're still working on it. Drew said she's shitting her pants over this. Beth said her two guys have been extraordinary. Howard said she picked 3 of the guys actually. Beth said that's right.
Howard said all of the guys are great. He said she has to pick one. Drew said she didn't know she had to pick just one. Beth said they have to let her see them. Howard said that's not how it works.
Drew said she thought that she knew who number 1 was. She said that she doesn't know who any of them are. She said she wishes she could see all of them. She said it's not about the look but she would like to see the guys.
Howard said he and Beth put a lot of work into this. Drew said she will go against her gut and say that they all know how to get to her. Howard said she's stone walling. Drew said she'll make a choice and pick number 2. She said she swore that she never would pick just one. She said if the other 3 guys think there's something there then they can get in touch with her. She said they can go home and process this and if one thing rises to the top of this... blah, blah, blah.
Howard cut her off and said he has to introduce her to the contestants. Howard said he has to do a build up for each guy. He said he and Beth thought of this guy first. He said he created a song for their animal rescue. Howard said they even looked him up and Drew follows him on Instagram. Howard said this is Joshua Radin. Howard had the guys bring him up on screen. Drew thanked him for doing this. She said she's so grateful for this. Howard asked Josh what happened here. Beth said nothing went wrong at all. Drew agreed.
Howard asked Josh why he didn't sing his ass off for her. Josh said that's not how you want to do it. Josh said he's just so sad that he's not sure what to do. Howard said he's in Sweden recording his new album. Drew thanked him for coming on today. Beth thanked him too.
Howard said number 3 is a great guy. He had the guys put him on screen. Howard told Drew what Diego Lopez does and how he would snap a guy's neck like a twig if they bothered her. Howard said the guy is also a stand up comic who works. Drew said hi to him and thanked him for coming on. She said he doesn't look anything like he sounds. She said this is going to be in the film strip of her life whenever she passes on to wherever they go. Howard let him get in some plugs for his upcoming shows and podcast. Howard played some of Josh's music for Drew.
Howard introduced bachelor 4, Jon Blitt, and told her about how he works there. Drew called him chuckles. Howard said this is Jon Blitt who just broke up with his fiancee a couple of months ago. Jon said he has to thank her for inspiring him to write his script. Howard said Beth saw him and thought that he should be part of this. Howard said he is a comedy writer. Drew said comedy is number 2 for her. She said that being kind is number 1.
Howard said he has to introduce number 2 to her. Drew said she knows that they have to go into this with very open eyes. She said she knows that he has someone special in her life. She said she will never get married again though. She said she loves that Howard thinks she will. Howard said she's a bundle of nerves.
Howard said his wife dated this contestant. He said this is Clarke. Drew said guys who have healthy relationships with ex's can be good guys. She said that's a good sign. She said it's weird to her when they can't get along unless they are a toxic person.
Howard said his wife said this guy was so great. He said he had to hear how they met and everything else. He said that his wife told him about this guy who would be so great for Drew. Beth said she texted him and he told her that she had a crush on Drew in the past. Howard said this is Clarke Thorell. He said Beth dated him in the 90s. He said he was in Hairspray in the original cast. He said she was in Tommy as well. He ran through a bunch of things he's been in. Howard said he also dated his wife. He said he has been in a long term relationship in the past. He said he's single now. He said he's seeing this. He introduced her to Clarke as they brought him on screen. Clarke said he was honored to meet her. Drew said she knows he said that he has something going on with someone else out there. She said it made it safer in a way for her. She said that honesty is great. Howard said look at the chemistry here. Drew said that people should be up front about this stuff. Howard asked what she thinks. Drew said this is just a friend thing and they're not dating. She said that she hasn't dated anyone in 7 years. She said it's a PTSD thing with her. She said she's not out there dating. Howard tried to get a word in but she wouldn't stop.
Howard said that Clarke meditates regularly. Howard said so does Drew. He said he thinks she's nervous and that's why she's being evasive. Clarke said he's honored that she would pick him and that Beth and Howard included him in this. Howard said he can see why Beth fell for him. He said he is a beautiful man. Drew said her boundary is that she can write her own story and they are not dating. She said they will not be publicly linked for a game show.
Howard said this guy is a gentleman. He said he suggests that what she should do is give her his number or give him her number and they can talk. He said they can have them over to the house and they can have dinner. He said Clarke can get to know Jimmy and Nancy and all of that. He said he can see it all.
Drew asked Howard and Beth how they would advise her how to be a match maker. Howard said he doesn't like doing this kind of thing but he thinks that they will end up in bed and end up as a couple. Beth said she's a fan of all of these guys and she thinks that she will reach out to others and friendships can be formed. She said there will be more incredible people in her world. She said this was awesome and fun and just knock it off.
Gary said Drew has a big team up with her and they all picked number 2. He said that the whole team yelled when she picked him. They all think he's a good looking dude too. Beth said she heard it all too and she was nervous and excited. Drew said she knew that number 1 and 2 were Beth's picks.
Howard asked if Drew can propose to her in his Donald Duck voice. Clarke said of course in that voice.
Drew thanked them for playing and for Howard and Beth setting this up. She asked again how people can do this for others. Howard said Clarke is going to call her and it's going to be wild.
Howard had Gary bring in Drew's crew. They went through everyone with Drew. The crew all said that they were rooting for Clarke.
Howard said the good thing about Clarke is that he is very polite and lets her do her thing. He said she's going on about love and he's letting her do that.
Beth said they have to thank all the guys for playing. Howard said that Drew and Clarke are going to talk. Howard said Clarke was a child star as well. He performed with Abba when he was a kid.
Howard asked if Clarke has anything to plug. Clarke said he is thrilled to be in the room. He said that's all. He said he wants to know the other three guys as well. He said he feels like they have traits that would compliment each other. Drew said next time they have to plan an orgy. Drew said she loves humor and she loves Howard, Beth and Robin. She said lets keep our eyes open for other people. She said she would show up for anything Howard wants her to do. She said that anything Howard and Beth want her to do she'll do. She said she's in the Howard and Beth Army. Howard said he wants her to marry Clarke.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and let them all go. Howard said Beth did good with that. Beth asked if they're still on. Howard said they are. Beth said it's like Noon. Howard said he knows, he's exhausted. Beth said that she loves the way she took it so seriously. She said she did too. Howard said he did too. Robin said she was picking number 2 for her as well. Howard said she couldn't have gone wrong with any of them.
Howard answered a knock at he door and it was fake George Takei who was talking about how hot Clarke was. Howard closed the door on him a short time into it.
Howard asked Beth if she thinks there's something there. Beth said anything is possible but there's no pressure there. Howard asked how great it would be to get her a new husband. He said that would be great. Beth said she and Nancy Fallon have been texting during this. She said she was going with number 2 as well.
Howard and Beth spent a little more time talking about all of that before Howard wrapped up. They were done around 11:10am.
Howard said he thought the guy who won, Clarke, was a good choice. He said he thinks he might be going on her show now. He said Drew called and asked if she could have him on her show. He said he's fine with that. He said those two kids are on their own now. He said that's it.
Howard said he called Drew after the show and while he was talking to her Pete Buttigieg got into Drew's car and he got an opportunity to talk to him. He said he told Pete he thinks he's terrific. He said he told him he wanted to thank him for being willing to serve our country as a politician. He said it's a harrowing experience now. He said people get harassed and threatened. He said he's passionate about the country and he thanked him for his service. He said he was very humble about it. He said he did get a chance to talk to Pete and he had never done that before.
Howard said he thinks the dating game was a success. He said the fans wrote in about it so he's going to read that. Howard read through the feedback about how nervous Drew was about the whole thing. He had some comments about how well it worked out and things like that.
Howard said Drew was still carrying on about how he and Beth put so much energy into that game. He said she wants to pay them back by setting up her friends with people so they can find love. Howard said she wants to connect all the dots. He said she said that a lot.
Howard read more feedback and played Jon Blitt's song about St. Barts since people were impressed by that. Jon made it up on the spot.
Howard said he reminds him of Jose Felciano. He said he had that kind of sound. Robin said he was actually showing up in a good way there. She said when he came out with that he became competition. Howard said Beth thinks Blitt is a hot guy. He said she told him last night that he had to tell him how good he was on the game. He said she said she saw Drew's eyes roll when she saw him on screen. Howard said he thinks Beth is the one thinking like that, not Drew. He said when he dies he had better not start dating Beth. He said he thought he had a shot with her but then he did that Michael Jackson impression. He said his song was so good he thought that he knew that he was going to have to do that. He said the guys told him he just makes up songs on the spot though. He said he didn't know that.
Howard asked Jon if he gave up on the spot when he did the Michael Jackson thing. Jon said he didn't but he thought that's how he was going to seal the deal with her. Howard asked what it was he was doing there. Jon did his impression again of what Jackson said about kids. Jon said he's been wanting to do that on the show for a long time so it was a nice release for him.
Howard said he thought he knew he was blowing it and he just threw it all out there. Robin said she thought he pulled out that impression as a last resort.
JD said he didn't think he should have done that impression but there's a bit he's been wanting to do on the show as Michael Jackson. Jon went into his impression again and had Michael living on a farm after faking his death and coming back now.
Howard said Jon and Steve Nowicki were doing this bit as Al Pacino and Ray Romano. He said this is one of those things they didn't play on the air but he has a bit. He played the clip and you can hear JD's discomfort in the bit. The two guys were talking to JD as Ray Romano and Al Pacino and JD was just JD. They were talking about taking off their shirts and JD sounded very uncomfortable with the whole thing.
Robin said she thought that was a riot. Howard said what's so great is that he plays along as John Travolta but then he's JD within a few seconds. JD said he didn't want to take his shirt off. He said he wasn't going to do that stuff. Jon told him he has to commit.
Robin said the whole point is to goof on JD. JD said that one time he thought he wasn't going to be the joke. Howard said JD went on a plane with Jon and the next thing he knows he's being proposed to. He said they were harassing JD in the halls before they did this bit. He played more audio of them goofing around with JD there at the office. They weren't recording the bit.
Howard said this is work. Blitt said that was at 6 in the morning. He said it was before work. Howard said Jon and JD are fun together.
Blitt said that he and JD recorded some stuff together and he hopes to have a bit available soon. JD said they had him out on the beach talking to people about his daughter drowning in the water. He said he had to snap at Jon about it and tell him he was done with it.
Howard said JD says he doesn't want to do it and he has to keep doing it. JD said he had nowhere to go. He said he had to stay there. He said he had nowhere to go.
Jon said he had one guy where JD had this Macho Man on his shirt and the guy started talking to him about that. He said then he tells the guy that JD was raped in the bathroom by some guys there at the beach and the guy thought it really happened. He said JD stands there laughing. JD said he can't believe people fall for that. JD said Jon told the guy that most people fight when they get raped and he just gave up and gave in.
Howard said JD just gives up on everything. Robin said JD has had a lot of this with Jon. She said they went on a hike once and Jon told people that he had just lost a bunch of weight and people all believed it. JD had to just go with it as people were applauding him.
Howard asked JD if he ever goes against the bit. JD said he will try to go with it and try but he's not good at that stuff. He said he can't do it. Howard said he likes when he tries it but then gives up and yells at Jon.
Howard said he thought Jon was doing good with Drew until he did the Michael Jackson thing. JD said he thought he was too. He said they were neck and neck with Clarke but then he did his Michael Jackson and blew it. Howard said he might do that a lot. He said he goes for the funny instead of trying to get the girl.
Jon said he was texting with a girl and he was trying to set up a date. He said she said her sister was making for dinner and he wrote out a recipe for her to use and he made her so uncomfortable that she backed out of the date. He said he went out with her randomly years later but it was just one date.
Howard asked if he blows the date on purpose by sending the recipe. Jon said he must. Howard said he must have done it on purpose to throw this girl off. Jon said you can't decipher tone in texts. He said he realizes that now.
Howard said he thinks that Jon could have been on Drew's show and he probably would have blown it there.
Howard said he has heard stories about Jon and JD. He said the guys told him that Jon's best bit is walking up to a table at a restaurant and tells people that he's the owner and the meal is free and then he walks away. Jon said he did that. He said he was out with Mike Trainor. He said he went up to the table and told them that the meal was on the house and then walked away. He said who knows what happens but it's fun.
JD said that Jon will go up to a table and give them a bottle of wine and he sounds like he knows what he's talking about.
Howard said he heard that JD went out with Jon and the pasta looked like it was in the shape of a sailor's cap and he had been raped by a sailor so it was triggering him. JD said he did that. Jon said he asked what kind of noodles they were and he said they were like sailor's caps and he told the guy that JD had been raped by sailors so he was upset by that. Jon said he came back to JD later and asked if he was okay with the noodles. JD said everyone becomes involved with him.
Howard asked Jon if he has every bit as JD getting raped. Jon said no but he did it that time.
Howard asked why JD goes out. He said he heard that Jon ordered everything on the menu and asked them to blend them all together. JD said he wasn't there. Jon said he was out at a seafood restaurant and he asked for everything to be blended together. He said she checked and he asked for it all to be put in four cups. Jon said he told her it was a real thing. He said the manager came out and asked if he really wanted that. He said he was too deep in. He said he eventually let them know he was joking around before they did it.
Howard said he thinks Jon has a compulsion to do this. Jon said he works on a comedy show and he takes a chance. He said he was just being himself yesterday when he did that bit.
Howard said Jon does a bit where he pretends he's cheating on his wife and talks about it in the elevator. JD said they talked about it on the show and now people will be in the elevator waiting to hear the story. Jon said that he'll get on the phone and tell his ''wife'' that he's in Chicago and he doesn't want to talk to their 3 year old. He said he calls another person and tells her that his wife thinks he's in Chicago. He said people look at him with disdain. He said he did that once and the guys in the elevator told him he was the best and that was great.
Steve Nowicki said they went out once and Jon told people he was in high school while he was drinking. Jon said they were at the Mandarin Oriental once and he asked if there were cameras in the bathroom and they went off to the bathroom together.
Howard said JD fights it too much when he does these bits. Steve said he loves these bits but he's not good at it. He said he'll just laugh at them. He said Jon will tell people that he plays basketball but he's only 5'10'' tall. JD said he once told people that he was the biggest coke dealer in New Jersey.
Howard said he got a note about something here. He said this is when they were on the beach. He played a clip of JD and Jon out at Venice Beach. Jon told people that JD's daughter drowned out there. One woman said that if he doesn't believe in god he won't get to see his daughter ever again. Jon told them to hold hands. JD didn't want to do it but he did and the woman prayed for him.
Howard said what a nice lady. JD said that's partly why he felt guilty about it. He said he felt bad because she was so nice. He said he was holding her hand out there. Jon said the reaction there is priceless. He said there's a clip of him reacting after it. Howard said Jon was very pleased with the bit but JD was not. He said he was done. Howard played the audio and JD said he's not doing that again. He said he's done. He said he's going back to the car. JD said he's not toying with people's emotions while Jon is laughing. Jon went right to another person and told the woman that JD's daughter had drowned. JD didn't want to do that again but Jon kept talking to the woman about the fake death. The woman was giving him advice on what he should do.
Howard said JD admitted to being a shitty parent. He said more people should do that. Jon was cracking up. Howard was laughing too. JD said as they were walking to the beach he wanted to wake people up on the beach. He said he wanted to do a JD wakes crackheads up on the beach.
Howard said JD should try to turn it around on Jon. JD said that won't work. He said he will go full on against him if he did that.
Jon said he did a bit with Chris once and the were on the street and this 15 year old kid was there with the family and he said to the kid ''You owe me money!'' and kept on walking. He said the family didn't know what was happening.
Howard said his sadness for Jon is that he could have been on the Drew Barrymore show today as her new boyfriend. Jon said he's just glad he got that Michael Jackson impression out there. Howard said he thinks Drew picked the right guy. He said he seems like the right mix. He said he's hopeful. He said he's confident that there will be deep, romantic love there. He said Jon still has a shot with Beth though. He said he thinks she was more into Jon than Drew was. He said he's sick of hearing about him.
Howard read more feedback about the dating game. He said that he was shocked that Josh didn't do a song for her. He said he thinks he could have ended up on a date with her if he had. Howard said people wrote in about that.
Howard said Diego Lopez got a lot of love too. He read some feedback about him and how good he was. Howard said he forgot to ask Diego about breaking a guy's ankles. He said he'd like to know how and what the situation was there.
Howard said people had mixed reactions with Jon Blitt. He said that some people thought he was kind of creepy. Howard said some people thought he had the best sense of humor. Howard said he asked Jon if the E.T. script is real and he can't get a straight answer out of him. He said this is Jon Blitt as Gertie and JD as E.T. He said this is the opening of the script. He played a clip of Jon and JD acting the scene out. It takes place 40 years later.
Howard said he has to say that it kind of sucked him in. He said Gertie became a crackhead and E.T. is there to help her out. He said JD sounded Hispanic in that clip. JD said he doesn't know if he wants him to spoil it but E.T. does not help her get off the crack. Jon said there are twists and turns. He said he gets into crack an he loves it. He said there are four deaths in the first 20 pages of the script. He said it's fun though. He said it's quite a family ride. Robin said maybe it'll get back to Steven Spielberg. Howard said he'd want E.T. to be kind of demented. Jon said there's a flashback to the original E.T. where he puts a probe into her nose so he knows how to get back to her in the future.
Howard said he just got a notice of a Cease and Desist from Spielberg. JD said E.T. kills someone to get his clothes.
Howard said he loves this. He said he hopes to hear more of that with JD. He asked if E.T. grew up to be an asshole. Jon said he did. He said he's kind of like De Niro in Taxi Driver. He said he's angry and back to do some damage on this planet.
Howard said there you go. He said Jon Blitt works so well with JD and Steve. He said he had a real shot at Drew and he got close but then he did the Michael Jackson impression. Robin said she did say she naked them to be themselves. She said Jon was himself. Howard said that's unfortunate.
Howard said they got a nice note from Clarke about the game. He said he was happy to be a part of it. He read some feedback from the fans about Clarke. The fans wrote in about how they felt he was the right choice.
Howard said Beth was so happy that she picked Clarke to be part of the game. He said that he was tired of hearing about him. Howard said King of All Blacks sent a voicemail about how he didn't think that was right of her to pick an ex-boyfriend for the game. King said he'd have a conversation with her about it because it's a big deal even if she thinks it's not. Robin said that's king and his wacky philosophies. She said he's like the American Taliban to her. She said that's what she hears when he talks about stuff like that.
Howard said he went into a bit of a tirade yesterday about Jennifer Witz having that Andy Cohen photo behind her in her office. Howard said it was weird to him. He said she had Andy right over her shoulder. He said it's a full size Andy Cohen standing there on her side. He said he likes Andy but he felt it was a little bit demeaning. He said he's not sure that's the right choice. He said he can live with Muhammad Ali or someone like that but not Andy Cohen. He said you put Howard Stern there. He said he kind of built that company. He said he knows everyone contributed but come on. He said you have to have subscribers. He said no one expected him to see it but he did.
Howard said he wanted to open up his microphone and say something. He said he thinks that more people listen to him than Andy Cohen. He said he thinks that more people listen to him than people who listen to 80s on 8.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn got upset and she wrote a letter to Jennifer and Scott Greenstein about the Andy Cohen picture. He played a clip of Mariann reading her letter to them about how insulting that was.
Howard said other listeners wrote in about that as well. He read through some of that.
Jon said he wants to come out of the closet now. He said he's been gay for 11 years. The caller said that he's been gay his whole life. Jon said he wants to come out now.
Howard asked the caller if he is gay himself. The caller, Keith, said he is. He said Jon has to step up and just come out. Howard said Jon did not lose his virginity until he was 27 years old. Jon said he lost it to someone named Kevin. Howard asked if that's true that he didn't have sex until he was 27. Jon said it is. Keith said he's gay.
Howard asked Chris if he thinks Jon is gay. Chris said he can see why people would think that but he has been alone with him and he never got a gay vibe from him. He said this guy is projecting. He said he wishes Jon was gay. He said he likes him. He said he wishes he could find a guy like Jon that is gay. He said he is so attracted to his personality but he's not his type. He said he's not gay but he is fancy.
Howard asked Chris if he has good Gaydar. Chris said he does. He said Jon is not gay. Howard asked about Ralph. Chris said no comment. He said he's keeping his mouth shut about that.
Howard said he has to move on with the show. Jon asked for Keith's number. Chris asked if he's hot. Keith said he is. Chris asked how big his pecker is. Keith said he has an inch like Howard. Chris said get rid of this guy.
Howard said that's enough of Jon. He took a call from a guy who said he thinks the E.T. thing would be good as a special on Howard 101. Howard said he'd like to hear more bits from him. He said he's waiting for them. Robin said she thought that E.T. thing was very funny.
Howard said he'll give this guy some bonus Blitt stuff. He said they sent Blitt out to a press junket. He said Jeff Goldblum likes to say nice things about the interviewer. He played a montage of Jeff doing that. Howard said he has done these junkets before and you don't remember everyone. He said that they think you do. He said that the interviewers always bring that up and say they remember meeting before. He played a montage of those interactions.
Howard asked if you can imagine that you have to interview these people and you ask if they remember you from 15 years ago. He asked why you're bothering. He said they sent Jon out to the MTV VMAs in August. He said he ended up talking to celebrities like he remembered them. He said this is Jon with a singer named Chloe. Jon said that his mother liked her music and she died listening to her music. He said she wrote to her and Chloe never wrote back. Jon asked her to say a few things to smokers and things like that. Someone pulled Chloe away from Jon after that.
Howard said Jon tried to be friendly with this rapper named DoItAll. He was talking about hanging out with him and doing coke and burying someone with him. The guy said he never did any of that.
Howard said Blitt has a super power. He said he makes every situation as awkward as possible. Howard said Blitt claimed to have partied with this Justina Valentine from Wild 'N Out. Jon was going on and on about how he had partied with her but she insisted that she didn't. Howard said she hated Jon.
Howard said Jon was messing with people all night. He said Jon asked for advice for his 11 year old daughter getting a tattoo. He said he wants her to get one but she doesn't want one. This tattoo artist said you have to be 18 to get one. He said that person has to want to get one. Jon kept pushing for it but the tattoo artist said he can't do that.
Howard said Jon talked to some people from Love and Hip Hop New York. He asked some people to pretend to be Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck for him. They went with the bit and did it for him.
Howard said there you go. He said he was in full on heaven. Robin asked if you can stand there and really say you're legally blind.
Howard said Jon spoke to a rapper named Unicorn151. Jon asked the guy to give some tips to his kid for his OnlyFans videos. He said he does a lot of naked stuff. He asked him to plug his son and his OnlyFans page. Unicorn did that for him.
Howard said that's good stuff. He said he loves that. He said he has to go out and do more of that shit. He said that Unicorn151 was nice to do that for him. Howard said he doesn't react well with that kind of stuff. He said he just wants to go home when he hears that.
Howard said that's all the feedback about the Drew Barrymore dating game. Howard said he has so much to talk about this morning. He said he has discovered the most talented person in show business. He said he will say who that is after taking a break. He said that he wants this person to induct him into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when he gets inducted. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
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Howard came back and talked up the song and said he used to play this at WRNW because it was so long. He said they didn't care what he played there. He said the didn't have any listeners. He said he played like 3 songs in his 4 hour shift. Jon Hein said this song is 10 minutes and 9 seconds long. Howard said that's a nice break to have when you're working in a shack. Robin asked how long In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida was. Howard said that was like the whole side of an album. He said he couldn't play that every time he was on the air though.
Howard read some details about this Grand Funk Railroad song and how Mark Farner wrote it. He let the song play a little longer and sang along with it.
Howard said when you're a disc jockey that song is such a gift. He said he was so thankful for that one. He said you have time to wipe when you go to the bathroom. He said nature has to take its course.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Philadelphia so Howard and Robin ended up talking about the crazy fans down there and how they're greasing the lamp posts down there already. Robin brought that up. Gary said that didn't stop people from climbing the poles.
Howard asked the caller what he called for. The caller said the show was great yesterday but he's looking forward to Monday when Bruce Springsteen will be on. He asked if they came up with anything to do acoustically on the show. Howard said not yet. He said they're working on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's calling about Bruce too. He said he heard a story about him that he wrote Hungry Heart for the Ramones and he ended up keeping it. Howard said that story is 100 percent true. He said he went to see the Ramones and he was so inspired by them that he wrote that song in 5 minutes. He said he thought they should do it. He said he showed it to Johnny Ramone and Johnny rejected it. He said think about that. He said Bruce was 100 percent correct. He said that Joey had a great voice and he was an amazing crooner. Howard said if you think about the vocal in Hungry Heart it really was a Joey Ramone song. He said he thinks it would have been incredible if he sang it. The guys played the song.
Howard said Bruce kept that song and he had a hit with it. Gary said he thinks that guy was confusing two stories. He said the song that Bruce wrote ''Born in the USA'' and Bruce kept that song and wrote another song called Light Of Day for this movie. He said that he kept that song for himself. Howard said no wonder John Landau is Bruce's manager. He said a good manager really can help you out. He said his agent helped out with his scripts for Private Parts. He said he had one script that was all about his relationship with his father. He said his agent looked at it and asked if he was kidding about that. He said no one would have seen that one. He said that you do have to listen to these guys. He said they have a vision for you that you may not see.
Robin said what's interesting is that John was a writer and he got Bruce to a level he never thought he would get to.
Howard said he met his agent and he's told this story many times. He said that he met with a couple of guys and when he met with Don Buchwald he believed in him more than he believed in himself. He said he signed up with him. He said it took a while to get some money but he was right to go with him. He said Bruce was smart with John Landau. He said the guy had a clear vision for him.
Howard said he'll ask Bruce about that Ramones thing on Monday. The caller said he wanted to know if he can get more about that story. Howard said he has so many ideas for that interview. He said he's just excited about him coming in.
Howard read some feedback about the conversation they had about Bruce last week. People were throwing out more song suggestions for what he could perform on the show. There were a lot of suggestions.
Howard talked up ''I'm on Fire'' like an old DJ as the guys had that one playing. Howard said what a song that is. He read more about the other songs that they could have Bruce perform there. Someone suggested having Gary come in and read his love tape lines as Bruce does the ''Secret Garden'' song. Howard said he's not wasting his time with the Booey Maguire bit. Howard said Bruce would run out of the studio if they did that.
Howard took a call from Bobo who had some questions to ask Bruce. Bobo said he came up with these to ask if he had the opportunity. Howard said he'd curious. Bobo said he'd ask about his song ''My Father's house'' and if that was about his father. He said he'd ask about some other things too. He wanted to know if Secret Garden was about something he couldn't crack. Howard said he has Bobo Puppet there to ask some questions too. Fred did his puppet thing and asked if Born in the USA was about being born in the USA. Robin asked if Bobo learned anything from the lessons they taught him. She said he was asked to not ask yes or no questions but he's still doing that. Howard said Bobo prefers those answers. Bobo Puppet said he has a question. He asked ''Yes or no?''
Howard said he thinks there was supposed to be a Hans and Franz movie but that never came out. He said he'd be interested to hear about that. Gary said he thinks they talked about that on the show.
Howard said this guy Jack Black who was in Shallow Hal and School of Rock, is so talented. He said he feels he's not given enough credit. He said that Jack is in a band called Tenacious D and he thinks people look at his music like it's a joke but it's really good. He said they won a Grammy for best Heavy Metal. He said he was talking to Robin about Tenacious D and how they had done this Abby Road medley. He said they did a few Beatles songs. Howard said they covered it and it was so good. He said Jack must have heard him talking about it. He said that he never hears them do that.
Howard said Tenacious D was at their studios in Los Angeles and they did a medley of Who songs for them. He said it's up on the app. He said he watched it like 7 times last night. He said that he was standing there in shorts and Kyle Gass is there with him. He said they're both in shorts and they break into this Who performance. He said you have to watch this thing. He said he'll play some of it but it's even more fun to watch it.
Howard said Jack and Kyle are really good. He said just listen to this. He played the clip of Jack and Kyle doing their thing. Jack said this is for Howard Stern when he started out. They went into this medley of songs.
Howard said you have to go watch this thing. He said Jack is some talent. He said he's playing and singing and he's funny as fuck in movies. He said when he does get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame he wants Jack to induct him. Robin said that's a great idea. Howard said he thinks so. He said he saw Jack once induct Led Zeppelin into something. He said he thinks it was the Kennedy Center Honors. He said Jack came out and did a tribute to Led Zeppelin. He said he thinks they're better than the Beatles and Stones. He said Jack is funny as fuck. He said he this guy is a massive talent. He said he should be in every movie. Robin said that would burn him out. She said they have done that with people like Richard Pryor in the past.
Howard said he loves Shallow Hal. He said Jack was so good in that. Robin said you couldn't release that movie today. Howard said he'd still watch it in private.
Howard played more of Jack and Kyle doing their thing with a Beatles song. Howard said Jack can really sing. He said he was great in School of Rock too. Robin said that was a great performance. Howard said he just loves this guy. He said he doesn't know him that well but he was on the show a long time ago. He asked if he's married and has kids. Robin said she knows he was married at some point. Robin said he was doing a lot of movies and she loved him in Tropic Thunder. Howard said this Who Medley is great. He said you have to check it out on the app.
Howard said Jack and Kyle seem to be having a lot of fun doing this thing. He read that Jack has been married since 2006. He said he must be a fun dad. He said he would imagine that's the case.
Robin asked what he thought after Diego said there is nothing when you die. Howard said he believed him. He said that's it. He said you die and it goes dark like the end of a movie. He said his daughter brought him right back. He said she told him a story about twins being in utero and being afraid of what happens when you're born. He said maybe we're about to be born into another life after we die. Howard said you don't know. He said it was a good story. Howard played a clip of his dad and mom talking about there being no god. He said he goes to temple because of tradition. He said there is no personal god. He said you have to take care of this place you're born into.
Howard said his mother has changed her tune now. He said she thinks there's nothing after you die. He said one of his daughters is getting married next summer and he told his mom to stick around until then. He said she asked what he's talking about. He said she has to go to Ashley's wedding. He said his mother said she's not going to that. He said she hopes she'll be dead by then.
Howard said his mother doesn't have the newest COVID vaccine yet. He said she got the flu shot. He said she's going to the audiologist for her hearing. He said she doesn't want to do anything more than one thing a day. He said she won't get the shot today. He said she'll get upset if they have to schedule more than one thing.
Howard talked about his parents hearing and how they used to argue over their hearing Aids. He said his dad had a lot of money and he didn't even know about it. He said that he has told Robin about that off the air. He said he doesn't know why he was paying for all of this stuff if they had so much money. He said that he wants his mom to get the best Hearing Aids.
Howard did his impression of his mother and father for a bit. Howard said when he was over at his mom's the other day he talked to his mother's friend Lilith. He said his mom had to go to the bathroom and that takes a half hour. He said that he has to clear out when that goes down.
Howard said it's all so sad. He said it's horrible. He said he told his mom about his friend Lou's mother being 103. He said he tells her about that and it doesn't even register with her. He said good for her.
Howard said he brought in people to see his mother. He said the only ones who get through to her are a couple of women who don't take any shit from her. He said the tell her she's going to have this party and she's going to like it.
Howard said his mother respects them because they're from Hospice. He said they're really good with her. He said their involvement is healthy. Robin said she needs stimulation. She said that's very important. Howard said he needs some stimulation.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said the Hearing Aids really are a rip off. He said they're way too expensive. Howard said he can't believe they haven't figured out how to give people their hearing back. He said you have to figure that they should be able to restore your hearing. Ralph said the FDA laws changed so anyone can make Hearing Aids now. He said maybe that will help. Howard said he has to go because Andy Cohen is on the air.
Howard said it really just bothers him that it's not a picture of him. He said if it was a Bravo meeting he'd expect a picture of Andy to be up over there. He said he'd think it was weird if they had a picture of Howard Stern over there. He said SiriusXM is the house that Howard Stern built. Andy said that's been well established. Andy said that he doesn't know what photo this is. Howard said it's the one for his channel. Andy said he loves that. Howard said it's full body and Andy is like ''Hey! Here I Am!'' he said he's got that big smile on his face. Andy said Howard is so annoyed by this.
Howard said he really wouldn't be okay with anyone being up there. He said that if it was someone who didn't work there it might be okay. He said he works there. Andy asked if the hundreds of millions of dollars they pay him isn't enough respect. Howard said sometimes you work somewhere so long that they forget about you. He said it would have been nice to have a picture of himself there. Andy said he didn't see this. He said he found out about it from Howard. He said he has two channels there at Sirius and he has been in the building for the last couple of years. He said maybe she likes seeing him around.
Howard said he has Jennifer Witz on the phone. Fake Jennifer called in and said she has a picture of him to hang up. She dropped the picture and laughed like a witch.
Howard said he has fake Andy on the phone. He took the call from Fake Andy Cohen who was going off on Howard for spending too much time in his basement while he's in the building every day. Howard said this guy is just repeating what Andy said. He asked where the joke is and hung up on fake Andy.
Howard said Andy is doing a beautiful job with the Beverly Hills reunion. He said it's very good. He said he was going to write him about that. They spent a little time talking about the show. Howard said he thinks the show is fantastic. Andy thanked him for that.
Howard said Andy is handling the show fantastic. Andy said maybe Jennifer saw him do that and hung a picture of him up. Howard said when the head of a company makes a statement like that with a picture hanging by her side that says a lot. He said he couldn't get a better endorsement. He said she sat there knowing what was on the screen.
Andy said he just worked up a new deal so maybe he's on her mind. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said maybe she was trying to make him feel welcome there and she forgot. Howard asked how much they pay him there. Andy said a shit ton. Howard asked if he got a raise. Andy said he did. Howard asked if it was substantial. Andy said he has two channels there. He said he's very happy. Howard asked what the fuck they're paying Andy. He said he'll get to the bottom of it and find out.
Howard said he's going to do some investigating. He said Jennifer must be quite taken with him. He said she had a picture of him hanging up there. Andy said he's kind of surprised they have a promotional picture of him hanging up there.
Howard took another call from fake ''Honest'' Andy Cohen. He decided to give that another shot. Honest Andy was calling Howard names and saying he makes tons of fucking money there. He said Howard is a fucking baby. He said he has two babies and he knows what babies are like. He said he doesn't even know their names. He said the babies are getting annoying and he's tired of them. He said he's going to take over Howard's studio and that's why he sneaks in there and sniffs his chair. He said he's going to take Robin's job too. Andy said he loves Honest Andy. He said this is the best. He said he's glad they gave him another chance. Howard said he's a keeper.
Howard thanked Andy for calling. Andy thanked him for taking his call. He said he still knows that it bothers Howard it was him. Howard said it was weird. He said he wouldn't have been fine with anyone else either. He said it's weird that this person is running the company and she had Andy there. He said it wouldn't be weird if she had a picture of Nancy Pelosi hanging up there. Howard said he loves this man. He let Andy go after that.
Robin said she's glad that they got to talk. She thought Howard was going to write him a note. Howard said he's busy with his mother so he doesn't have time to do that.
Howard said over time the relationship took a turn for the worst. He said 3 years later they hated each other. He played another clip of Gary and Wendy talking about how much they hate each other. They were cursing each other out and arguing about crazy stuff.
Howard said Gary reached out to Sal recently and he said he needs a girlfriend. He had some audio of Gary talking to Sal about that. Sal said he has someone in mind. Gary said that he wants that to happen or he'll kick his ass. Howard said he wants a pretty girl with big boobs and will have sex with him. Robin said those are his must haves.
Howard said they thought long and hard about this and all roads lead to Wendy. He said they called Wendy and she was willing to try it again. He said that they surprised Gary with the meeting and it didn't go well. He said Wendy said that Gary was the one that got away. He said they got them on Zoom and then Gary sees Wendy.
Howard played some audio of Sal with Gary telling him that they have someone who likes him very much. Sal said she has a great history with him. Then they put Wendy on with Gary. Gary said ''Oh no.'' Howard said he sounded like he just got a terminal cancer diagnosis.
Howard said Wendy told Gary she grew a beard recently. He played a clip and the two of them were talking about what's new. Wendy revealed she had a beard and her mom helped her shave it. Gary said he's never seen a woman with a beard. Wendy said she wanted to see what it felt like to be a man. Gary said he wouldn't do that. Gary told her to go away.
Howard said he sounded like his dad there telling her to go away. Howard said Wendy is open to having Gary as a friend. He said they discussed going to Disney together. He said Gary seemed smitten with the idea until Wendy mentioned that she wears diapers. Howard said listen tot his.
Howard played the clip of Gary and Wendy talking about sleeping together and what they would do. Wendy said she would crank the TV up and watch some cartoons. Wendy said she has to wear a diaper or she'll poop in the bed. Gary asked Sal what he's doing here. Sal said he's trying to create a love connection. Gary said there's no love connection there.
Howard said Wendy was not pleased with what Gary said to Sal. He played another clip of Wendy talking about how that was not polite. Gary said she doesn't turn him on. Wendy said that some people have to wear diapers. Wendy said she has someone she could date. She said fuck you to Gary. Wendy said she'll run his ugly ass over with her wheelchair. Gary said he'll run her over with this scooter. She said fuck off to Gary. Gary told her to lose his phone number, you bitch. Robin said that's the funniest line ever.
Howard said he's not sure what happed there. He said that Gary will not be on a dating game. He said he has to take a break and pee. He said he'll take some calls and call it a day. He went to break after doing a live read.
During the live read Howard was doing a computer security commercial and mentioned that Gary must have clicked on something and got his password stolen. He said that they were all getting emails from Gary from his account. Gary came in and said that he had issues with this computer yesterday and their IT guy was telling him to put his password in and he just did what he was told. Howard said if Gary gets an email from a Nigerian prince it's fake. They finished the live read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he digs this song. He said those guys are good. He said he knows this song and their other big hit. He said they have a cool guitar riff in Creep. He said he likes the name of the band too. He said it's not a bad idea to have the word Radio in a band name.
Howard said he was reading something online about how if you take a nap every day that you're going to have a shorter life. He said he takes a nap every day. He said he napped yesterday for an hour and a half. He said he loves a nap. He said he loves to sleep after eating. Robin said you're not supposed to sleep on a full stomach. Howard said he thought napping was good for you. Robin said she did too. Howard said he used to read about these countries that had siestas. He said he thought that was why they didn't do well. He said now he takes a siesta. He said he has to. Robin said he always has, hasn't he. Howard said he didn't when he was younger. Robin said meditating is a siesta. Howard said his parents were way into siestas.
Howard said he read this article and it seemed to be from a legitimate news source. He said it's crazy. Robin said she thought that napping was recommended.
Howard said this Dahmer show on Netflix is number 1 but he won't watch it. Robin said she had to take a break from it. Howard said he would eat people. Robin said he had body parts in his refrigerator. She said she's not sure how he got away with it forever. Howard said he doesn't want to reward the guy by watching the show. He said it seems kind of gory.
Howard said people lost their lives to this lunatic. He said there's a whole new generation learning about this guy and there are a lot of people taking his side. He said this country has gone completely nuts. He played a clip of people on TikTok talking about Jeffrey Dahmer and defending him.
Howard said imagine there are people who think this guy was okay. He said think about the victims. Robin said that the victim's families are upset about it because they don't want to go through this again.
Howard said this reminds him of someone like the Boston bombers and how they got put in a suit and put on TV and people feel bad or them. He said it's like that with Dahmer. He said people start to feel bad for you. Robin said there was a kid who was found guilty of shooting some people and he was in court to get sentenced and they concentrated on his bad childhood. She said they had to have the jury convict him of every crime to get the death penalty and they weren't able to do it. Howard said it's very fucked up. He said Dahmer has a higher approval rating than Biden does.
Howard said this is a lot to unpack. He said he wants her to induct him into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said she needs her own channel there. He asked if he's J-Lo. The caller said no but she looks like the woman on Fantasy Island. She said she met Howard once out in Arizona. Howard said he has no idea when that was. She said Howard was a single man at the time.
Howard asked if she looks like the little guy on Fantasy Island. the caller said no, the woman who is on Fantasy Island. Howard said he wants to buy the rights to her story. He said this was some saga she told.
Howard said he has her roommate on the phone. He took the call from the fake roommate who was going on and on with the long stories.
Howard said this story is unbelievable. He said he has no idea what her question was. He said she knows a lot of crazy people. She said she had to go and let Howard go.
Howard said he sees they spelled Dahmer's name wrong in this thing for Tan Mom. He said the spelled it ''DHAMER.'' he said Tan Mom has trouble talking to regular people.
Howard said earlier in the year they had Chris Mad Dog Russo on the show. He said he's a character. He said he disclosed to him that he's making $10,000 on First Take on ESPN. He said Chris went on a podcast and that didn't go over well with the people at ESPN. He said this is funny. He played a clip of Chris talking about how he got in some trouble for talking about that. Chris said he got a text from someone at ESPN who said ''Not helpful.''
Howard said that was fantastic. He took a call from a woman who said she wanted to tell Howard that she's sorry about his father. She said that she thinks we are eternal beings like his father said. Howard said he said that nothing happens when we die. He said all we have is the earth and we don't take care of that. The caller said she still thinks that we're eternal beings. Howard said his father didn't say that. Howard said she agrees with what she thought he said. The caller said she liked the Drew dating game too. She was throwing out requests for things she wanted to hear on the show too. She got in a few shout outs as well. Howard said there's a lot to unpack there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Robin cheats on the games that Howard plays with him. Howard said maybe she does. He said fair enough.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was on a few months ago and her boyfriend wasn't taking care of his mouth. She said he got sick like they said he would. Howard said he remembers her sort of. He said that you do have to clean your teeth and get the rotting food out of there. The caller, Kelly, said that he wouldn't brush but he was doing the toothpick thing. She said she also sent Howard nude pictures from the beach. Howard said she was hot. Howard asked what sickness he got. She said she didn't really know.
Howard let Kelly go and talked about the new variants of COVID that are out there. He said he's obsessed with this. He said he can't keep up with all of the new variants. He said they're finding that people were fucking during the 2020 lock down so there was a baby boom during that time.
Howard said we'll have more people and we'll get more viruses to take us out. He said just what we need is more fucking people. He said they have six staffers there who conceived babies during the pandemic. He said wonderful.
Howard said he loves that the New York fans were going off on Ted Cruz during his visit to the Yankee game. He played some audio of that. Howard said Ted just waves like they're fans.
Robin said he was on The View too. Howard said he thought it was kind of cool that the went off on him there. He said Whoopi went off on them for calling him out and they were being very nice to him. He said they didn't think it was fair that the audience went off on him during the live show. Howard played some audio of that mess. Whoopi asked the women to let them do their jobs there.
Howard said the reason New Yorkers are so bent out of shape about him is because they had hurricane Sandy hit them pretty hard and Ted Cruz didn't want to give them money but as soon as something happens in his own state he wants money. He said he's been a little bit bent out of shape about New York. He said he's bent out of shape about their values or something there. He said thank god for New York. He said it's the cultural center of the country. He said so much great stuff comes out of it.
Howard said the whole world is going to hell in a hand basket. He said he wishes more people thought the way he does. Robin said that they'd be changing their minds a lot like he does. She said he goes along with whoever is talking. Howard said Joy Behar didn't show up for Ted Cruz. He doesn't blame her for that.
Howard said they had a fun show today. He said tomorrow they'll do it all over again. He said he can't imagine what will happen tomorrow. He said it seems like a lot was happening today. He ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard said he was making up lyrics to the Monster Mash song a few weeks ago. He said they put that together in a phony phone call. He said that might be something to play for Robin this morning. He played the phone call for her. In the call they called an internet radio show and Chris Wilding had clips of Howard working on his new lyrics for Monster Mash. He had Howard singing about the FBI raid at Mar-A-Lago. The hosts of the show didn't like that. Chris had Howard sing about 9/11 to the tune of Monster Mash next. The hosts really didn't like that one. They were yelling at their phone person to hang up. Chris called back and said now they're in trouble and his dad made up a song about them. He had Howard singing about how awful their show is. The host said they don't want cursing and called Howard a stupid ass.
Howard said he likes that guy mansplaining to the woman about how she has to cut him off as soon as she hears them. Howard said they called that show one other time. He said he wants to hear that again but that would be lame. He said if they do something really good they don't play it over and over. He said Imus used to do that. He said he'd play it over and over again. He said in his defense they encouraged that at NBC. He said he had to do that a few times there. He said they told him to recycle his bits. He said they told him that people would tune in at different times so he had to replay it so they'd hear it.
Howard said Imus had a character named Moby Worm and he would do bits about Moby eating schools. He said if you wrote in to the show they'd mention the names of schools. He said he has to be the one to remind people about how lame Imus was before he got to WNBC. He said then Imus changed his show format to what his show was. He said that Imus was doing the Moby Worm stuff. Robin said it was ridiculous. She said nothing was going on there. She said Moby didn't have a personality. She said he just ate the school.
Howard said they were fucking his head up there and telling him he had to be more like Imus. He said it was so lame. He said they tell you this so much you start to think they're right. He said it's like the Trump stuff. He said you keep telling people lies and they start to believe it.
Howard said he was talking to someone who is a real Trumpie and she was telling him about the insurrection and the fake election rigged stuff. He said she tells him that he can believe what he wants to but that's not the case. He said there are facts and then there are made up comments. He said it's like WNBC and being told that he had to be like Imus. He said what a nightmare. He said it was like bad is good over there. He said it was like being in an alternate reality.
Robin said you have to look at what's what when you get up there. Howard said if Ronnie gets COVID his organs will be like 175 years old. He said nothing slows him down though. He said he thinks he's turning 75 or something. Robin said it can't be that much. The guys had Ronnie saying ''Seventy three!'' Howard said his birthday is on Friday. He said how do you like that. Robin said she never thought that would happen.
Ronnie said he doesn't like that. Howard said he's a nervous wreck about Monday. He said that Samantha bet Will that he would return to the studio before the end of the year. He asked how that happened. Sam got on and said that they thought she was crazy. She said she had a feeling it would happen. Will said she's so smug about it. He said that's what's annoying about it. He said Bruce is the only one who could make this happen. Howard said he agreed to do it because Bruce said it would be more intimate.
Sam said Will is a sore loser. Will said he is because he actually bet money. Sam said she just knew something would bring him in. She said that there was something in the air. She said she just fucking knew it. She said she could have made $1000. Howard said she knew it. He said she hedged her bet and kept it at $100.
Howard said he doesn't want to be one of those people who gets COVID. He said there were 38,000 new cases as of the 25th. He asked if Sam has had it. She said she has and her husband got it bad too. She said that Howard will be so happy that he came in for this. Howard said she just wants her money.
Howard said he's going to be testing with his personal tester. Sam asked if he'll cry on the air. Howard said he has come close but he hasn't cried on the air. He said he came close with his father's song parody yesterday. He said he doesn't know if he'll ever cry on the air. He said there is an emotional component with him and Bruce. He said it took a lot of change in him for him to get Bruce to come into the studio. He said it feels like a personal triumph for him. He said he had to change a lot. He said he's really stoked that Bruce is coming on the show. He said he's not sure what people expect but he's going to have a conversation with him.
Howard said he just wants Bruce to be comfortable and have a good time. Will said he thinks Howard will cry when Bruce gives him COVID. Sam told him to stop. Sam asked if she's taking Christmas presents from his kid and he really doesn't want him to come in.
Sam said things are going to be really different when he comes in there. Howard asked if Sam bet that he's going to cry when he comes in. Sam said no. She said she was just asking. Howard said she's bringing up the fact that he might cry and he doesn't think he'll cry when he gets there. He said he doesn't think he'll cry being in the studio. Sam said she thinks that things have changed a lot and he'll have Bruce in there and it might make him cry. She said she won't bet on it though. Howard asked if Will doesn't want him in there. Will said he thinks it's good for him to go into the studio. Sam said Will is praying for a new variant to come by Monday.
Howard said Chris is betting that he'll have COVID by Christmas. Howard asked what's up with that. Chris said he thinks that Beth going out is going to end up bringing it back to Howard. Howard said no. He said she's just as worried. Chris said Howard will get it. Howard said if he gets sick he'll make all of their lives hell. Chris said he doesn't want Howard sick. He said that he doesn't want him in the studio at all. He said he thinks that Howard needs to stay healthy but he's making little mistakes.
Howard said he has a story about his wife. He said she was asked to be on a morning show on TV. He said his wife is passionate about animal charities and she was invited on a show. He said he won't say what it is. He said Beth is willing to do it if everyone is tested. He said she did the Rachel Ray Show and she has everyone tested there. Howard said you're locked in a room and everyone is tested. He said she'll be on that show on Friday actually. He said that this other show asked Beth to be on it and she asked about the testing protocols. He said the hosts are tested regularly. He said they test once a week. He said Beth said she won't be doing the show if they don't test. He said they told her she'd be fine. She wanted to be tested on the same day as them. He said she said she won't do the show. He said they got a call saying they agreed to be tested that day. Howard said she got another call saying they don't want to be tested so they refused. He said his wife didn't go to the studio. He said the reason he told this story is because Beth is just as worried about COVID as he is.
Howard said he wears a N95 mask when he visits his mom. He said everyone there had to wear a mask. He said he ate his lunch on his way over there. He said he packed his own lunch. He said his daughter brought over some food and the people there went in another room and ate. He said when they came back in with his mother they had to wear masks. He said that he didn't take his mask off for anything. Robin said she's sorry she missed that party.
Sam said that Chris went to Panama during the pandemic. Chris said he wore a N95 mask and another mask over that. He said he tested that guy daily as well. He said Sam walks around the studio saying she's not afraid of it so she's being foolish. Howard said he's being nasty. Sam said he is and she won't do this with him. She said she'll never be able to talk. Chris said lets forget about Panama because he did that like a military operation.
Howard said Wolfie thinks he's going to get sick because of the way Bruce and Little Steven sing together. Gary said they haven't done that in months. He told Wolfie not to fuck this shit up for Howard. Sam said she isn't going to get nasty with Chris but she's not irresponsible. She said she was one of the last people still wearing a mask. She said there are still some who do. She said the vast majority of people won't wear masks there. She said there are people in her life that think it's time to open up and get out of the masks. She said that's why she has stopped.
Howard said he will be sitting there with Bruce after being tested. Sam said he'll be fine. Will said she doesn't know that. Sam said he has to look in the mirror and think about how he's worthy and he'll be fine. Howard said he doesn't do affirmations and things. He said he knows the team is taking every precaution. He said that stuff will be in the back of his mind but he'll try to roll with the punches. He said if Chris keeps saying that he's going to get COVID he's going to be a wreck. He said he has to stop. Chris said he thinks he'll be fine in the studio. Howard said he'll be in a mask and gloves. He said he'll be okay.
Howard said he has masks and the hand gel. He said he's on top of all of this. Chris said he has a spray he uses in his nose that he got from Israel. He said he's taking it seriously as well.
Robin said she thinks that Howard should do what he thinks he needs to do. Howard said he needs to be with Bruce. He said he's doing it and taking every precaution. He said he's doing it for himself and for Bruce too. He said he's an important guy. Chris said Howard is an important guy. Robin said no one is arguing about that. Chris said the bets are a little disrespectful. Sam said she'll donate her money to a charity if he wants.
Howard took a call from Howard Stern audio clips. Howard on the phone was telling Howard that this is an unnecessary risk. Howard was going back and forth with himself on the phone. Phone Howard was saying he hates Howard and cursed him out.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Howard has gone out with Jimmy Kimmel and people are getting back out to normal. She said that people are saying that they can go back to work. She said Chris is so negative. Chris said she had parties pre-vaccine. He said she's super spreader Mariann. He said god knows who she killed with that virus. Mariann was trying to yell over him. Howard hung up on her and said that's enough of that. Chris said she's very stable.
Howard said thanks to everyone. He said that he is going into the studio on Monday. He said he'll be very careful just like Chris was going to Panama.
Howard said he's only doing this for Bruce so don't get any ideas if you're a guest coming up. He said he's not going to do this for anyone else.
Howard asked Will what's going on with him. Will said he got Shingles. He said he has it on his back. He showed everyone. He said it's pretty painful. He said he heard it can last for months. Howard said his wife had it years ago and it was bad. He said his father had it on his face. Will said you can get it anywhere. Howard said they have a Shingles vaccine. He said they say it's 95 percent effective. Will said it would have been great 2 weeks ago. Chris said that Will is too young to get the vaccine. Howard said he knows people who got it and it's bad. Will said it feels like your skin is burning. He said it's bad. Wolfie asked if he's okay because he sounds sick. Will said he's on an antibiotic that's messing with his voice.
Howard said there's the gang. He said Sam won $100 from Will and she was right with the bet. Howard said Will has had Shingles and COVID and he must have the organs of a mummy.
Howard took a call from Howard from the Future. They had a ventilator clip playing and the heart rate monitor went flat line. Howard said all he knows is that when he gets n the studio that Will should stay the fuck away from him. He said JD got COVID 2 days after sitting next to Will at the staff meeting. He said he might have it. Will said he doesn't have it. JD said that he did get it 2 days after that meeting. Chris said he should have worn a mask. Will said JD was sick for a week and now he's over it. He said it's fine.
Sam said that Howard is healthier than JD and he'll be fine. She said no offense to JD. JD said none taken.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wants to say a few things to Chris. She said that Chris is afraid of COVID because he's from Canada. She said that up there you have to wait for 2 years to see a doctor. She said she lives in New York. Howard asked how she said she was from Canada if she's from New york. She said that you don't know what social medicine is like. She said she gets to see a doctor in 2 hours there. She said up in Canada where they have social medicine they have to wait 2 years. She was whining about how things work up there and how her mother is on a wait list for 2 years to see a doctor up there. Howard said he loves this country and she doesn't have to tell him this stuff. He said that he likes everything here. He said he's not a communist or anything. Howard said he can't get an appointment in 2 hours though so he needs the name of her doctor.
The caller said she travels a lot and she had something wrong with her eye. She said she was put on a 2 year wait list up in Canada but she got an appointment here in 2 hours. She said that she had to pay $150. She said it's amazing. Howard said thanks for that. He said she's really hopped up about that. He said she must be good in bed. Robin said you don't know if the passion transfers. She said it might just be about the medicine.
Howard said we do have socialism in this country to help people who have fallen down and can't help themselves. He said we do have benefits here to help. He said his mother has crazy costs around her health care. He said he was on the phone with her doctors last night. He said she had chest pain and he had to call someone at 7 at night. He said he didn't know what to do. He said he called Dr. Shlofmitz about it. He went into his impression of his mother talking to him last night. He had her having trouble hearing him. He said she went to the audiologist to get a new Hearing Aid so hopefully that will help. He went through all of the yelling at her to raise the volume on her phone so he can hear him.
Howard was going back and forth with his mom asking what he can do for her. She said she had terrible chest pain and he asked what side of the chest. He had her telling him it's just in her chest. Howard yelled that he'd call Dr. Shlofmitz and ask what to do.
Howard said he asked his mom a series of questions right before going to bed. He said Dr. Shlofmitz said she has to get to the E.R. and get an EKG. He told his mother that and she said she's not going. Howard said she took morphine to get rid of the pain. He said she didn't want to go to the E.R. He said he asked her to just go. He said she won't go. He said he told her to wait an hour and maybe the pain will lessen. He said she said alright to that. Howard said she asked if he is telling her not to go. He said no. He said he told her to go if she still has pain. He said that's his night.
Howard said he hasn't heard anything since. He said he had to go to bed. Robin said he's out of it now then. Howard said he is. He said he checked in this morning and everything was okay. He said his mother is a grown woman and he can only do so much. Robin said she's not sure she's a grown woman anymore. Howard said that's all he has right now so that's what he's going with.
Howard said his family asks why he's on the phone with his mother all the time. He said no one else is going to take care of it so he has to do it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Will is being selfish in a good way. She said that if Howard goes in and gets sick and dies the show ends. Howard said she's making him nervous. Robin said he doesn't need everyone weighing in on this. Howard said he'll be safe as he can and just stop it.
Robin said Howard never talked to her about it. She said she's hurt. Howard said he's not talking to her about it.
Howard said it's time to shit or get off the pot so to speak. He said they just have to get that date out of the way. He said everyone is all nervous. He said they have to start talking on the phone and get it going. He said that's it. Robin said Howard should be her dating expert. Howard said she'd be married right now if he was. He said he put in his 10,000 hours watching The Bachelor. He said he knows love.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to pitch a show idea to him. He asked if he would record a call with his mom and play it on air. Howard said he would love to do that but he's not exaggerating. He said the calls go on for an hour and there's a lot of ''Whaaaa?'' He said he goes back and forth with her about what to do. He said she wants him to tell her to stay home with chest pain but he's not going to do that. He said he told her to go to the emergency room. He said she wants them to come to her. He said she thinks he's so famous that he can have that happen. He said he's very famous around there but not everywhere. Robin said he's famous in this whole country and in Canada too. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he can go to Tennessee and no one would know who he is. Robin said satellite is there. Howard said he's not sure how many people there have satellite. He said they may have the option to get it but when they have to choose between shoes and satellite, he thinks they're getting shoes.
Howard said his mother thinks that he's so famous that he can open up any door he wants. Robin asked if Bruce could do that for his mom. Howard said he thinks so. He said Paul McCartney could do that too. He said those are famous guys. Howard said there you go.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he's going to handle the elevator thing at Sirius. Howard said he has two options. He said he will be locked off from everyone else when he comes in. He said he'll have security there. He said he's too famous to be in the elevator there. He said he'd be worn out if he walked up 36 flights of stairs there. He said they're going to shoot him out of a cannon from his car to the 36th floor. He said they have it worked out. He said he's been working on this for a week now. He said he'll be fine.
Howard said he has a lot of email to get to. He said they have to clear out the computer. He said that they have some stuff to get to. He said Cardi B has been doing some wild stuff on social media. He said she has something like 200 million followers. He said they will get to that after the break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked up the song he had playing. He also gave some history about the song. He said it's a great song.
Howard took a call from a woman calling from Canada. She said she lives in Nova Scotia. Howard said he loves their lox. The caller said that Howard is very recognizable. Howard said he just said he wasn't that famous. He said he knows he's recognizable. The caller said people were talking about him in Ireland when she was over there. She said it wasn't favorable but they were talking about him. She said that there was a table of girls talking about how disgusting he is. She said she doesn't think that way but he is very famous around the world. Howard said a lot of the ladies in Ireland may be turned off to Cocktober. He thanked Lori for the call telling him how he's despised all over the world.
Howard took a call from a guy who said in Tennessee they do have satellite. He said he is very famous there. Howard said thank you. He thanked him for the call.
Howard said after he dealt with his mother last night he had to deal with Yoda dying. He said he's not doing well and Beth is asking what they should do. He said they're waiting for some signs that they have to put him to sleep. He said they opted not to do surgery on him. He said they just stare at Yoda and cry. He said they're upset and petting him. He said he can't take it. He said he's dealing with his mom and now Yoda. He said he has too much sadness in his life. He said it's too much. He said living is very difficult. He said there's a lot of emotion you have to deal with.
Howard said he was walking yesterday and saw a deer out there. He said he wondered how anyone can shoot something like that. He said he was just staring at him and eating a leaf and he wondered why he doesn't run away. He said he told the deer he was insane. Robin said she saw a deer that had been hit and left on the side of the road. Howard said that's awful.
Howard said he was going to talk about Cardi B. He said he doesn't follow her on social media. He said he follows people who do art and journaling. He said he's still doing his journal. He said he completed a 5 year journal. Robin asked if he put something in there every day for 5 years. Howard said he did. He said Molly Kimmel gave him the journal. He said it's only like 3 lines for every day.
Howard said Robin is in his journal a lot. He said he got a new one that's really nice. He said it's very PG and boring stuff he writes. He said he's a famous guy and he has to keep it that way. He said it's a stupid journal. He said he writes about what he eats and what happened that day. He said it's that kind of thing.
Howard said who has never made it into his journal is Fred. He said he didn't mention him once in that 5 years. He said poor Fred. Robin said that's amazing. She asked how he manages that. Howard said Fred came close one day but he erased it.
Howard said he completed that. He said it's all beat up and torn. He said he recommends doing that. He said it's kind of fun.
Howard said Cardi B has a lot of followers. He said he doesn't post himself because he doesn't want to give a glimpse into his life. He said Cardi B has 141 million followers. He said she shares everything. He said back in 2019 she gained nearly 100 million followers. He said she puts it all out there. He said she has a lot about her digestion and shitting issues. He said this is her talking about shitting and her other issues. Howard played a clip of Cardi talking about her lactose intolerance and what happens to her when she drinks milk. Cardi also talked about how she blew up a toilet with her diarrhea.
Howard said she's angry too. Robin said everything is ''Mother fucking'' with her. Howard said when she was on the show she was very calm and quiet. He said she had just come from the Mat Gala the night before so maybe she was feeling different. He said he doesn't remember her talking like that on the show.
Howard said some fans online were questioning her issues and she went live with her shitting. He said in the video you can see a close up of her face while she's taking a shit. He said it's weird. He said they won't let you see bare breasts but they will let you see that. He said bare breasts are way nicer than that. Howard played the clip of Cardi taking her shit live on Instagram.
Howard said he doesn't remember her grammar being that much of an issue on the show either. He said he wasn't questioning her issues. He said she might be grosser than Richard.
Howard asked Richard to come on and tell his shitting story. He asked what that story was he told to the guys. He said everyone was getting grossed out by it. Richard said they had a lot of stories they were telling. Howard said they had a bunch of guys telling stories. He said he has a game for Robin to play. He said this staffer farted at work and shit his pants. He said he took his soiled underwear and buried it in the trash on the 37th floor. Robin said she knows Richard has told a story about that. She said she thinks that was Gary. Howard said good guess but it was Ronnie.
Howard got Ronnie on to talk about that. Ronnie said that was a while ago. Howard asked if he ever told him that. Ronnie said no. He said he was in the little bathroom by the TV room there. He said he shit his pants when he farted while he was taking a piss. He said it was a loose deal so it was a mess. Howard said he must have been freaking out. Ronnie said he was. He said he got the shit off right away. He said he threw the underwear way on the 37th floor. Howard said it's good to wear briefs instead of boxers because it catches the shit. Ronnie said that's fun times.
Howard said they had a staffer shit in another guy's bath tub when he got upset with the person. He asked who Robin thinks that was. Robin said she can't imagine anyone but Sal doing that. Howard said she's right. He said good for you Sal. Sal said he was being bullied. Sal said these guys escorted him out of the house that he was at. He said it was a party and his friend was still in there. He said he went to the bathroom to take a piss. He said he felt a shit coming so he just dropped his pants and shit in the bath tub. He said he thinks he just ran out of there without wiping. Howard asked why not just shit on the floor. Sal said he's despicable but not that bad.
Howard said they must have put it together that he was the guy. Sal said they might now. He said it was a house party so he doesn't think so. He said he was thrown out and they were in another room when he went back in. Sal said the only one who knew the story was a friend of his. He said that guy ended up becoming a cop.
Sal said that guy also shit on a fence. He said they were at a party and it was pretty amazing. He said his friend wanted to leave and they were going to hop the fence to leave. He said he had to shit so he squatted on the fence and shit on it. He said the shit smeared all over. He said they just ran off. Chris said they know how to make an exit.
Howard said people want a white picket fence and this is what they end up with. Robin said Sal wanted to do the same thing as his friend.
Howard said he has one more story. He said this staffer once dragged his own shit all over his house when he ran down to get a delivery. He had a piece of shit that dropped and he got it on his foot and dragged it all over the house. Robin said she can't believe they did that to get a delivery. She asked what was so important that they had to get. She said she thinks that's Memet. Howard said it was Gary. He said she was home alone and he didn't tell his wife for years. He asked Gary what he had to get. Gary said Mary was out and Jackson was a baby. He said he was sleeping so he had to get the door before they woke him up. He said he turned around and went back upstairs and he sees shit on the stairs. He said that he didn't know where it came from until he saw his sneaker. He said there was a trail going back to the bathroom. He said he cleaned it up and put the trash out. He said it was all over the place. Howard asked if it got on the carpeting. Gary said it was just on a wood floor and the tile in the bathroom. He said it was terrible.
Howard said Richard has a shit story. Richard said he has multiple. He said he was in Finland on tour when he was in a band. He said this was back in the day when you could bring beer into the airport. He said he drank some super strong beer and he was wasted by the time he got on the plane. He said he puked on the plane and went down the whole aisle puking. He said he thought he was going to get thrown off. He said they got to Greece and he got in a van to go to the hotel and he vomited on their guitar player. He said he had alcohol poisoning. He said he went to the hotel and he ended up projectile shit in the bed. He said he was laying on his side and he thinks he had vomited on his clothes so he was naked. He said he shit all over the sheets and blanket. He said it was very rock and roll. He said there were no chicks around though. He said he shit all over the blanket and the floor too. He said he gathered everything up and threw them under the bed and kind of played dumb. Howard asked how he played dumb. Richard said his band mate came in and he saw no sheets on the bed. He said he asked what happened there. He said he gave some excuse about bed bugs or something. He said he went sight seeing later and he when he came back there were new sheets on the bed. He said he looked under the bed and they had found them and took them away. He said he felt horrible. He said he didn't have any Greece money to give them a tip.
Ronnie asked why he would leave them under the bed. Richard said he would have had to have hugged them to take them out of the room. He said he was embarrassed. Ronnie said the whole room must have stunk. Richard said it did. He said he opened the windows to try to cover it up. He said he said he had shit in the bathroom. He said he went to the front desk after that and asked them to apologize to the cleaning people because he had shit in the bed.
Howard said he's not even going to bother with Memet's shit story. Memet said his is from when he was like 5. He said he's a normal human being. Richard said he has shit stories from last week. He said he had a stomach bug this past weekend so he had some accidents. Howard said Richard is shitting right now. He asked what's going on. Richard said he was sick and he got this stomach bug and he was squirting everywhere. Howard said he's had stomach bugs and you go to the bathroom. Richard said sometimes you think it's a fart and it's not. Howard said Richard really isn't human. He said he's disgusting. Richard said they have housekeepers coming today. He said he won't tell his wife this stuff. He said she hears about it on the radio. He said he will shower after doing that stuff.
Sal said at least once a month Richard shits his pants at the office. He said it's all the time. He said it's out of the blue. Howard said he must enjoy it. Richard said he doesn't like the soiling part but the relief part is nice. Sal said he wont even clean up. He said he leaves it in there until the end of the day. He said it's at least once a month in the office.
Howard said he has never shit his pants. He said if he feels any discomfort he goes to the bathroom. He asked Richard how he does it every month. He said that's insane. Richard said the bathroom is a little far away at work. He said he doesn't want to get up and he'll just fart.
Sal said that Richard's asshole is out of control. He said that flap he had on his asshole is the size of a chunk of baloney. He said it's disgusting. Richard said he doesn't look at it that much. Sal said unfortunately he does. Howard asked if he can see his asshole. Richard said he has to figure out how to do this. Richard got up and tried to show his asshole. He showed something and the guys were cracking up. Sal said he's gaping. Howard asked what that is. Richard asked if they saw it good. Howard said they did. Robin said it looks like a uvula. Chris said he might be Trans. Howard asked if he's been to the doctor for that. Richard said no. He said it's no a hemorrhoid or anything. He said he might just wipe to hard.
Howard said Robin did well with the guessing game. Robin said she only got one right. Howard said he's proud of her anyway.
All the guys were talking about how gross Richard's ass was. Chris said it's the most disgusting ass he's ever seen.
Richard asked if he can tell the Quadruple Poople that they did once. He said they were out on tour and they all had to shit at the same time. He said that they did this thing where they all shit in the toilet and shit on top of each other's shit. He said they had one guy who was like 400 pounds who took a massive shit. He said the last guy who shit had to stand on the rim of the toilet because the shit was so high. He said they called it the Quadruple Poople.
Howard said he doesn't know how they do that. He said it's so gross. Richard said they didn't flush and they laughed as people walked into the bathroom and saw it.
Howard said Richard's doctor is on the phone. He took the call and Mike Trainor was playing the doctor who said the office is closed so don't come in.
Will told a story about how the port-a-potty at this horse race was full and this guy saw that someone left ass cheek imprints in the pile of shit in there.
Howard said he has to get to more Cardi B clips. He said he has her talking about laser hair removal. He played that clip and Cardi was talking about how gross hair is down there and under your arms. She said she's going to be like an alien cat when she's done with her hair removal.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he finds Cardi B sexy. He said he thinks she's the perfect woman. He said she's like open to stuff. He said she has money and she's still acting like every woman. He said she will still cook you a meal even though she has money. He said she's always looking for love. Howard said she's married. King said with that guy he thinks she's cheating on her all the time. Howard said he's not sure he understands what he's saying. King said he likes that she shows she's vulnerable. He said he likes women who are vulnerable. Howard said he has no idea what the fuck he's talking about. He hung up on him.
Howard played a clip of Cardi talking about how she'll only let Offset bust a nut on one side of her face. She said she has her son's name tattooed on the other side of her face so she won't let him do it there.
Howard said she's an interesting lady. He said she has a lot of followers. He said there you go. He said you asked for it and you got it. He said he's going to take a break and get to some other stuff.
Richard said he got to interview Joe Bob Briggs too. He said he would show horror movies on TV. He said he was one of the original hosts he loved. He said he got to speak to Elvira too. Howard said Richard is the worst interviewer. He said she will tell a story and Richard just talks about himself. He said he thinks she was kind of freaked out by Richard.
Howard played a clip of Richard talking to Elvira. She was telling stories and Richard would interrupt and tell her that he watched a lot of her stuff. She actually said she's getting scared by him. Howard said Richard really was freaking her out. Richard said he never claimed to be a good interviewer. Howard said he only shit himself 4 times during that interview.
Howard said Sal was going to do some medium stuff during that party. Richard said that was supposed to be a surprise but he's sure fans will be happy to hear that. Howard said Sal is going to do a reading. He said he'll be doing this reading but he's wondering if he can do something now. Sal said nothing is coming to him. Robin said that's what it'll be like at the party. Howard said he has to practice. Sal said he might freak Howard out. He said he's being dead serious. He said his dad left some stuff to Howard. Howard said he left him nothing. Sal said one thing he didn't mention is that his father collected vinyl records prior to being vinyl. He said he has some shellac type records he left behind. Howard said he is a fucking weirdo. He said he has a big collection of shellac records. He said go listen to Richard's Halloween party. Sal said he can see the records and one has a bright red label on it. Howard said if you see those just throw them out. He said he doesn't want them in the house.
Howard said there's a lot of hijinks going on. He said Sal will be doing a special reading but he thought he couldn't read. Howard said this weekend on 101 they will have the Weekend of Horror and then Richard Christy's Favorite Halloween Special on Sunday.
Howard asked if Gary is participating in this party. Gary said he is but he hates Halloween for adults. He said he's not going to dress up. Howard said he has to wear something. He said he has to do that for them. Howard said if the fans are wearing costumes then Gary should too. He said that's what you have to do. Sal said he should glue some corn on his face. Howard asked why. Sal said he can go as a piece of shit. Sal said he can dress up as someone who is awake and working. Gary said Sal is going to steal the show with his medium thing where nothing happens. He said Sal is trying to back off of this thing saying he's no sure he can do it. He said Sal is so full of shit. He said he can't contact anyone.
Howard said one of the fans is coming dressed as Richard's cum hat. He said he was thinking about Benjy and if the Drew Barrymore game was hard for him. Gary said he thinks it was. He said he thinks it's more about why was it Blitt and not him. Howard said he didn't want it to turn into a circus. He said he liked the way it went. He said he feels like if Benjy was on it would have been too goofy. He said Blitt is just a little more normal than Benjy. He said he heard that he was upset about not being on. He asked Benjy if he was upset and was it hard being left out. Benjy said it was hard. He said he was happy for Blitt. He said he was super jealous though. He said Blitt did well though. He said they have so much opportunity on the show every day so he's grateful for that. He said he also thinks that he could have won based on who she picked.
Howard asked what he would have said to Drew. Benjy said he had lines in his head. Robin said he thinks that he could have won with those things. Benjy said maybe. He said the song part would have been tough for him. He said he wrote a song in the moment. He found the song he wrote and had Richard hum the music for the song he was singing it to. It was Melt with You by Modern English. Howard said he has to be honest. He said he thinks Drew would have hated him. He said she may have maced him. Benjy said that's the song she had a kiss to for the first time. Howard said he had to go with Blitt for that game. Benjy said that it would be great if he got to go on her show. He said it would be like coming out of a movie.
Howard said he thinks that Clarke would have won either way if Benjy was on or not. Benjy said he thinks he would have had a shot. Benjy said he thought Blitt did very well though. Howard said no Drew for Benjy. Benjy asked if he looked at Clarke and thought that women would be into him. Howard said he's thinking like a dude now. He said that he doesn't see it but Beth does. He said that she thought that Benjy and Blitt were good looking too. Benjy said that he didn't see it with Tom Chiusano. He said when he was younger he thought he was very boring looking. Howard said the guy was a model. Robin said you can bore her with those looks. Howard said no one is into Richard's looks. He said he kind of sees it with Benjy but he's not sure. Howard said Beth thinking Blitt was good looking caught him off guard.
Howard said his wife thought Clarke was really good looking. He said he can see he has a look. He said he gets it. Benjy said he did have good hair. Blitt said Benjy was thinking of getting hair transplants. Howard said they seemed to have perfected that stuff. He said Benjy is pretty bald though. He said he might be too far gone. Blitt said he knows a guy who is doing it with pubic hairs and it's working out well.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Benjy in what world he thinks he has a chance with Drew Barrymore. She said he's hideous. She said she knows he's lost weight but where does he think he has a chance. Benjy said in a format like this. He said he thinks that in the moment you put more energy into the song and things. The caller, Barbie, said Benjy is boring her right now. Benjy was trying to explain this to her and he was going on and on. He said women do love his voice. Howard asked him to say something sexy to him. Benjy said something and Barbie let out a ''Ugh.'' He said he sees that women love his voice when he talks. Robin said it's what he says that they don't love. Howard said he's sorry he didn't let him play so he'd see.
Howard said maybe he should have put him in the game. Richard said bring her back and let him talk to her. Howard said all he knows is that Benjy went on a blind date and the woman claimed her kid was in a car accident the day before and she had to run.
Howard said Benjy did go out with Anna Nicole Smith on the show. He said that he blew that. Gary said that he thinks that her handlers are the ones to blame for that not working out.
Benjy said he has gotten a lot of messages about the Anna Nicole thing. He said he was defending her when Howard wanted to weigh her. He said that everyone thinks he's a hero for that. Howard said Benjy did make out with her so they have to think about that.
Barbie said that he's had a good looking woman so now that's out of the way. Howard said congratulations to Benjy for having a nice voice. He said it's so nice that Robin didn't let him in her hospital room.
Howard took a call from fake Clarke who told blotchy Benjy to fuck off and did his Donald Duck voice. Benjy said he wants to call random women and see who can do better. Blitt said how about they go out on the street with paper bags on their heads. Benjy said he'd do that too. Howard said maybe they'll do that. Robin said they can have a Bag Off. Howard said that's it. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that's a beautiful tune from Aerosmith. He said what a band that is. He said people used to tell him he said the name wrong. He said he says it ''Arrow-smith.'' He said he's not changing the way he says it. He said the song was written by Diane Warren. He went into some details about that.
Howard said Diane originally wrote it for a woman to sing. He said he's not sure how Steven got a hold of it. He said he has to ask him about that. He said he didn't like when he did American Idol. He said Steven is up there with the greatest artists who have ever lived. He said then he was sitting there with those people on Idol. He said he doesn't need that shit. He said he knows he had fun doing it but it was beneath him. He said he's too good for it. Robin said no one on that show can sing like he can. She said that they don't find idols on that show.
Howard said just listen to this. He said it's the 50th anniversary of Aerosmith this January. He said he has to do a retrospective of the band. He said he used to play their stuff when he was starting out in radio. Howard asked what's going on with the band. He said he's not sure what they're up to.
Howard said he went to check on Yoda during the break. He said it's a nightmare. He said he is dying and they're giving him some steroids and an appetite thing. He said that they're hoping they can see the signs when it's time for him to go to sleep. He said they may not be good at seeing them. Robin said she thinks that she always waited too long. Howard said Beth said he's not doing well and she wondered if it's time. Howard said he doesn't' know. He said he can't bare it. He said Yoda isn't coming up to them and he's not doing his fun things. He said he can't take it.
Howard said Beth told him he has to be there for Yoda when they do it. He said he did that for of their cats and he cried so hard. He said it wasn't just tears. He said he was crying and blubbering in front of the veterinarian and the assistant. He said he couldn't hold back. He said that shit gets him. He said he was a mess. He said he didn't like that. He said he's very masculine and macho. He said he doesn't do that. Howard said it was embarrassing. He said the Vet handed him a tampon.
Howard said Beth does everything around the house. He said the other day this bug was in the house and he was trying to get it out of the house. He said he had to ask Beth to come in and get it out of there. He said she came right in and got it out of the house. He said that his dad used to be the guy to get rid of the spiders in the house. He said his mom would call out to him and he'd come in and get rid of the spiders. He said he'd just squish it and get rid of it.
Howard said now he's like his mother calling for Ben but he's calling out for Beth to take care of the bugs.
Howard said the pain with Yoda is going to be too much for him. He said he has to do it though. He said he can't leave him alone. He said he will have to do it though. He said he can't leave him with a stranger. He said he has to be a hero for his wife.
Howard said he was sitting with Yoda the other day and telling him he's his boy and telling him he has to rally. He said he can't watch him die. He said he has to eat something. He said he was supposed to die after 3 weeks. He said he lived for 7 years. He said he can beat this. He said he's telling him this and getting weepy. He said he loves Yoda. He said he's alive and there and they have to be able to do something. He said imagine what it'll be like when he's sitting there and they have to put him to sleep. Howard said he has a lot going on in his life.
Robin said this is part of life. She said we have beautiful lives with these animals but their life span isn't as long as ours so it comes with the territory. Howard said it's hard though. Robin said he will be there with Yoda.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has a dog who is 17 and they've had him longer than one of her children. She said she gets what he's going through completely. She said they had to put their 13 year old dog to sleep. She said there are vets who will come to the house. Howard said that's what they're going to do. He said he's not worried about the animal, he's worried about himself. He Yoda won't know what hit him. He said he knows all of this. He said Yoda is going to die at home. He said he knows that.
Howard said he knows he's going to have to do it soon and he's not sure he's up for it. He said Ronnie had to do it with his dog and said he would never get another one. He said he got one though. Ronnie said his dog Dudley got sick with cancer first. He said he can't even talk about it. He said he took the dog to the vet's office and he sat in the room with him on a blanket. He said they gave him some treats with chocolate in them before they did it. He said everyone was in the room crying with him. He said he was sitting there with the dog and he's laying in his lap. He said they gave him the needle and he you can feel the body dying. He said when he was gone his eyes were still wide open. He said it freaked him out and he can't get that out of his head. He said that killed him. He said he died in 2014 and they didn't get a dog until now. He said he didn't want it but Stephanie wanted it. He said she loves animals and he does too.
Ronnie said they rescued a cat that was 10 years old too. He said they said he wasn't going to live another 5 months to a year. He said meanwhile he was around for 5 years. He said he had back problems and wasn't able to walk. He said the got him a wheelchair and all of this.
Howard asked if Ronnie was there alone with the dog. Ronnie said Stephanie was there but not when they gave him the needle. Howard said that doesn't go well. He said that he has to do that. Ronnie said Stephanie had a dog that was 15 and he spent every day with the dog during the pandemic. He said the dog got so attached to him. He said that she got sick and the whole thing. He said he can't even talk about this. Ronnie said the dog had to go to the hospital and Stephanie said it was time for Gracie to be put down. He said he couldn't go and do that.
Howard asked if he's ruining Wet Cunt Wednesday for Ronnie. Ronnie said it's actually Hump Day and he is ruining it. He said he really doesn't want to go through losing another pet. Howard said they have 6 or 7 cats there all the time so he goes through it all the time.
Robin said she has to do it all herself. She said she's the one. She said she would never not be with her animals when they're making their transition. Howard said he wishes Beth would come down and say she'll do it. Robin said she always waits too long. She said she can't even hear that when her cats are sick. She said they tell her to put them down but she just wants to know what else they can do. She said there's nothing else to do.
Howard said Ronnie's birthday is this weekend. Ronnie said he doesn't have to worry about losing another dog at his age. He said he'll probably be gone before this dog that's just a year old. Howard asked how old he is. Ronnie said he'll be 73. He said he doesn't like counting anymore.
Howard asked what he's doing for his birthday. Ronnie said he's going out to dinner or something. He said he doesn't like birthdays anymore. Howard said he understands. Fred did his Ronnie Puppet thing for a minute singing about what he's going to be doing for his 73rd.
Howard said Ronnie hates the birthday wishes. He said Richard tried doing that earlier and Ronnie didn't want to hear it. Ronnie said it was early and he doesn't want to hear that stuff.
Howard took a call from a woman who said the Jeffrey Dahmer special on Netflix is very good and you should watch it. She said so many people dropped the ball with that case. She said the acting is great too. Howard asked if she works for Netflix or something. The caller said she went to school with Jeffrey Dahmer. Howard asked if she knew him as a school boy. She said she did. She said he had a drinking problem back then. She said she would see him in the halls and lunch room on a daily basis. She said she drove past his house a lot.
Howard said he'd imagine that he was happy when they served human leg or toe. Howard asked if he was bullied in school. the caller said she doesn't think so. She said he didn't have a lot of friends. She said one of the guys who he was friends with wrote a book about him. Howard thanked the caller, Kathleen, for the call.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to tell him that she is so sorry about Yoda. She said she knows how much she loves him. She said her dog is 19 and she still has some pep in her step. She said that Yoda is telling them that they got great time with him. Howard said it just sucks. He said it's too painful for him. The caller, Jennifer, said that cat's last look at him is going to be at his face. She started to cry. She said that cat will want to go out looking at his face. She said Howard is gorgeous too so stop saying he's not. She said she wants him to know how much she loves him too. She said if Yoda isn't eating he's telling him that it's time. Howard thanked her for the call. He said she's moving him. Howard said thanks brother... I mean sister. She had a bit of a deep voice. Howard said she's a sweet woman.
Howard said the fans like that he wants Jack to induct him not the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said that Jack, through his management, has said he'd be honored to do that if he gets inducted. Howard said the hall of fame has no idea that he wants to be in though. Howard played more of the audio of Jack and Kyle doing their medley of Who songs.
Howard read more comments from the fans about how great that performance was. Howard said he's a fan. He said he loves it. Robin said you have to have a high level of musicianship to do what they do and bring comedy to it. Howard said it's so fucking entertaining.
Howard said they got a lot of email about Andy Cohen calling into the show yesterday. He said a lot of fans were not pleased with Andy. He said he has no problem with Andy though. He said he has no problem with Jennifer either. He said he was just thrown off by the picture that Jennifer had over her shoulder in that meeting.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Bill Shatner who said he wanted to cover the Who songs. He went into his long, drawn out version of Pinball Wizard.
Howard asked Bill how he decides on which words to slow down and speed up on. Bill said it's all there and you have to look at each word. He did more of the song for Howard. Howard wanted to learn so he tried doing the same thing that fake Bill was doing. Howard went too fast for Bill. Bill told him he has to slow it down. He said pace yourself. Howard tried it again and Bill said there you go. He said he's doing it. Howard let fake Bill go after Bill asked him not to sabotage him.
Howard read some comments from the fans about Andy Cohen. Howard said he's not the boss there. He said he just works there. He said he was just shocked that Andy's picture was there over Jennifer's shoulder. He said he's not mad at anyone. He said he might be disappointed. He said he might be upset with Robin for not walking out during the interview. He said she didn't say a word.
Howard read some feedback about Jon Blitt's bit he did with JD and Steve Nowicki. Howard had a bunch of positive comments about that. He had some feedback about Blitt's E.T. script too.
Howard said Blitt wrote that script for Drew Barrymore. He said it's a sequel that takes place 40 years later. He said Drew's character is addicted to crack and E.T. returns to help her. Howard said he asked for more scenes to do with JD. Robin said he said he only has 20 pages. Howard said he has another clip from E.T. the sequel. He played a clip of JD and Blitt doing a scene where JD is E.T. and Blitt is Gertie. In the scene Gertie gets E.T. hooked on crack.
JD and Blitt talked about how this is a true look at addiction. Howard said he's kind of interested in seeing this thing. Blitt said he loves writing it. He said Drew gave him inspiration. He said he would love to get JD in the suit and have him play E.T. He said they'll have to talk casting after he finishes the script.
Howard asked JD if he thinks this is too out there or is it a good script. JD said it's one of the craziest things he's ever seen in his life. He said he wonders what the fuck this guy is thinking every time he gets new pages. Howard said we're kind of sick of seeing the same thing over and over so it might be good seeing Gertie addicted to crack.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks this would be a complete hit.
Howard took another call from a woman who said she wanted to tell him that she has a crush on Jon Blitt. She said she thinks everyone does. She said that she has had crushes on people on the show before but right now it's Jon Blitt. Howard said he has something there. JD said he has a crush on Blitt.
Robin said JD has a picture over his shoulder and it's Jon Hein. Howard asked if he loves Hein or Blitt more. JD said he and Hein are very close. He said that they're very good friends.
Howard asked JD if he loves Hein or Ronnie more. JD said he's not doing this again. He said he has answered this question a lot. Howard said how about Ronnie or Jon Blitt. JD said he'll say Ronnie. He said he has been with him longer and he has helped him out a lot. He said he loves Blitt too. Howard asked who he loves more. JD said he's not going to do this again. Howard said he has a hard one for him. He asked JD if that's really true. JD said he already said Ronnie. He said he's done with this.
Howard asked if he loves Jon Hein or Card Breaks more. JD said Jon Hein. Howard asked if he loves Sal or Richard more. JD said he doesn't want to do this. Howard said he has to choose. JD said he'll go with Richard. He said he loves Sal too but he's closer to Richard.
Howard asked JD about Will or Jason. JD said he doesn't want to get into this. He said he's going to say in the past it was Will but over the past couple of years it's Jason. Howard said he admires him for saying that.
Howard asked about Robin or Fred. JD said he should go with the person who didn't want to stab him in the eyes with pencils. That was Robin. He said he has had more interactions with Robin so he'll say Robin.
Howard asked if JD loves his mom or dad more. JD said he's not going there. Howard said he has to. JD said he's not going there. Howard asked Blitt and Robin and they both had answers. JD said he's not going to say.
Howard read some feedback about the Gary the Conqueror and Wendy the Slow Adult bit from yesterday. He had a few positive words about that. Howard said people loved that line ''Lose my number, bitch'' that Gary said. Howard got in some plugs for the weekend specials. Howard said they may be starting the show a little late on Monday. He said it may be 7:30 or 8. He said just stand by. He said then they'll get to hear from Bruce Springsteen.
Howard said he gave Bruce a list of maybe 7 songs to play on Monday. He said he narrowed it down to 2. He said he told Bruce that if he has songs he wants to do he can change that. He said it may all be a surprise. He said just leave the radio on all weekend and they'll pop back on Monday. Howard ended the show around 10:35am.