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Howard started the show talking about how he was going to start the show doing something but he's looking at the phones and wants to take some calls. He said Rooster claims that he disarmed a robber recently. He asked if Robin remembers Rooster. Robin's microphone wasn't on. Howard said he saw that Robin was at the Pearl Jam concert at the Apollo theater. He said he almost blew his stack over that.
Robin said she was wondering how they protect the band. She said they were all tested there. She said she got a wrist band that said she was verified. She said the only people in that room were all tested.
Howard said he spoke to Robin on the phone on Saturday and she didn't mention the concert. Robin said she can't tell him she's going out every time. Howard said he would have said his goodbyes to her. He said we've already lost one queen and they could have lost another.
Howard said he has to get to Rooster after talking to Robin. He said he's a big boy and taking down a gunman is something. He said he was talking to Beth about Robin going out. He said he's still in his bunker. He asked if Robin got the new vaccine. Robin said she has not. Howard said Beth is working on that for them. He said he might come out of his house after that. He said Beth wants him to get out of the house. He said she wants to get him out to the city and do some things with her. He said he's not sure how he's going to do it. He said he really doesn't want this COVID.
Robin said it's easy for her. She said her friend got in the car with her and she's a doctor. She said when she got in the car she said she wants ready for this. She said she didn't think it through. She said every time it's like stepping out into I don't know what.
Howard said his brother in law and sister in law came and spent the weekend with them. He said they were tested and they were negative. He said on Saturday Beth went to her friend's wedding in the city. He said not to the eating part but the married part. Robin said that's the reception. Howard said he told Beth if she goes he's not going. He said he has an excuse now. He said Beth had to go. He said her brother and sister in law went to Nobu and they went in a car ride together. He said that's how you get this thing. He said he probably has it already. Robin said she went out but Howard thinks he has it. Howard said he told Beth to stay away from him but he kissed her this morning so he may have it now. He said he's the only one fighting the good fight. Robin said he's not completely protected like he used to be. Howard said if he was single he would be. Robin said he could never be single.
Howard said Beth went into the city Saturday night and she left him alone for 24 hours. He said it's torture for him. He said he asked her to please come home. He said he doesn't know what to do with himself. He said he was going to jerk off and paint and watch movies. He said all he did was jerk off.
Howard said he hates being alone. He said he made a lot of phone calls. He said he called Ralph. He took a call from the guys who were calling in as someone Robin saw at the concert. They had Wendy the slow adult coughing.
Howard said Robin was in the fourth row of the concert. He said Eddie Vedder was staring at her. Robin said she thought she was imagining it. Howard played a clip of Eddie talking about Howard, Gary and Robin and talking about how he got to meet Robin for the first time that night. He said he lives to hear her laugh. He said he laughs with her and he loves the sound of her voice. He thanked Howard and Robin for the laughs they bring.
Howard said you can hear Robin dripping on the floor after that. He said to have that is something. Robin said she heard that they haven't been in touch lately. Howard said he heard from Eddie that she was there at the concert. He said it's unbelievable what's going on with her. He said Gary was there too. He said he never misses a concert. He said he has endless time to go to every event. He said he watches every game on TV and he goes to every concert. He said he just does it.
Howard said Gary told him this morning it was so good to see Robin out. He said he hugged her and did it even though he knew it was wrong. Howard said what he loves about Gary is that he doesn't let work slow him down at all. He said he's always out there.
Howard said he's very happy that they were out. Robin said she saw next to Lucas Dell'Abate at the concert. She said she got to meet Jennifer Witz too. She said she's great. Howard said he heard they had their tops off after Better Man. Robin said they were out there twirling their bras. Robin asked who has the bigger bra. Robin said she thinks she still wins in that. She said she lost a letter in her weight loss. She said she's down from a GG to just a G.
Howard said this concert will air on Friday on Howard 101. He said that's at 5pm Easter and 5 Pacific. He asked how that works. Robin said they'll have two feeds. She said they can put on whatever the want whenever the want.
Howard said they have some great concerts coming up. Robin said Eddie wanted him there. Howard said he's still fighting COVID. He said he's going to get the new vaccine and stop being the lone soldier. He said he'll go out. He said they're going to start going out to restaurants in October. He said he'll be indoors at restaurants. Robin said she's trying to see everyone before it gets cold. Howard said he's going to do it. He said he'll get COVID and live in a fog the rest of his life. Robin said she'll say goodbye to him now then. Howard said goodbye. He said the Howard Stern you know will no longer exist.
Howard said Wolfie just spent 900 bucks a ticket to see Pearl Jam in New Jersey. Robin said she woke up the next morning thinking about how lucky they were to be there. She said they really do jam out. She said it's a good name for them. Howard said Pearl Jam is jizzum. He said she's so innocent. Robin said she knows that.
Howard said he's lost. Rooster said he was living in a mobile home. Howard said he thought he said this was a long time ago. Rooster said he disarmed the guy just before vacation ended. Howard said they came back like 2 weeks ago.
Howard asked Rooster to get to this story because he has to move on. Rooster told Howard about how saw the gun blasts in the trailer next to his. He said he saw multiple shooters and he called 911 and had his wife and kids get on the floor. He said a guy was outside bleeding from the chest. He said he told 911 that there were shooters there and he told them they had one victim. He said this guy said he was set up and he took his gun from him. He said when he saw the gun was a 9mm he saw the entry wound wasn't the same caliber. He said that he didn't see an exit wound.
Howard cut off Rooster and said he can tell what kind of wound he has and tell what kind of gun shot him. He said he's calling bullshit on this. He said he has shot 9mm guns and their trajectory is unpredictable. He said sometimes they stay in and sometimes they go all the way through. Rooster said that he has seen that too. He said this is a small framed guy with no exit wound. He said he was shot around the belly button and the bullet would have been stopped only by his spine. Howard said bullets do weird thing. He said you don't know if there's going to be an exit wound.
Howard said he has Chicken on the phone and he claims to have disarmed a gunman too. Howard took the call and fake Rooster, or Chicken, claims that he disarmed a guy last year a week ago. He was making up all kinds of weird details about the story.
Howard said this is some story Rooster is telling. Wolfie got on and said he heard from him right after this happened. He said he's not doubting it but he can't confirm it either. Howard said there's a lot going on here.
Rooster said it wasn't on the news because the guy he took the gun away from was an informant. He said he ratted on the people who were trying to kill him. He said that's why they had him there. Howard said he's saying he got shot just once but there were multiple gunmen there. He said the shot 14 times and hit him just once. Howard said the guy rolls out of the trailer and he finds the guy. He asked where the other guys were. Rooster said they went out the front door and they were found about 4 hours later. He said 2 of them turned themselves in.
Howard said he's telling him that you can't tell what kind of round was in him. Rooster said he's going to have the first deputy call Wolfie and confirm. Howard said he's a brave man. He said he saw a shoot out and took away his gun. Rooster said he gave them the information before they showed up. He said that way they didn't show up to a mad house.
Rooster said two of the gunmen were hit and they turned themselves in. Howard said this is a crazy story. He said it's interesting too. He said he would have run but that's just him.
Howard took a call from a trauma doctor who said that he can't get his details straight about when he lived in a trailer or not. He said you can get a wound that's not an exit wound when it's a low velocity shot. Howard said he's with this guy on that. He said he knew what kind of shot it was.
Howard said he's going to take Rooster's word for it that it happened. Rooster said he'll contact Wolfie in a week. Howard said this is some story. He let Rooster go a short time later. Robin said he woke up to all of this and he was very present in all of it. Howard said he doesn't know.
Robin said he has to stop talking himself into this stuff. Howard said he's taking care of his mom and he can't take it. He said that he hears a lot from her. He said he has to find doctors for her and find people who can help her without her waiting. He said she used to be a positive person and now she's negative and unhappy. He said this is what he hears every day. He said his mother has so many things going on. He said she's going today to the doctor. He said he's always on the phone. He said he told her she was going to the gynecologist and she asked if he was coming to her. He said no and told her she has to go there. He did his impression of his mother talking to him about this stuff.
Howard said he was getting phone numbers from his mother to get it for the gynecologist. He said he's getting nervous with her. He said she always had her marbles but now he's worried. He said this person helping her said she could be alive a bunch more years. He said she's already miserable. He said he wants to get her out of the misery. He said she's always in pain and always uncomfortable. He said old age is really horrible from what he's seeing.
Robin said she saw a special where they had some people who were athletes and they were competing from the ages of 80 to 100 and they all had their marbles and they were playing sports. Howard said his mom is laying in bed all day.
Howard said he got his mom a new TV. He said he had his guys put it in for her. He said she had a tiny TV on the all. He said she had this little room she had to watch TV in. He said he gets there and it's so loud you can hear it downstairs from the third floor. He said this is crazy. He said he got her a bigger TV and they came up with some device so her speakers would be by her head so she could hear better. He said they put the TV in on Thursday last week. He said that was the big event. He said he got her this TV and got her some great sound so she didn't have to play it so loud.
Howard had his mother talking to him about how she's not good with new gadgets and she's not sure how she'll do with it. Howard said she'd do great. He did his impression of her telling him what a burden she is on him. Howard said she's not a burden. He was arguing with her about that. He said she's not a burden and she's a pleasure.
Howard said his mother was real nervous about the new TV. He said they gave her the remote and it was no different than what it was before. He said the only move is to turn the TV on and raise and lower the speaker volume. He said he figured he'd hear from her about it but he didn't hear from her. He said he called her up and she was trying to get her Hearing-Aids in. He said that one is red and one is blue and she has to ask her helper to tell her which is which. He said then that's all he hears in the background. He said he hears her telling him that she has to get them in. He said he wanted to set up something so she can keep them in colored boxes so she can tell which is which. He said you have no idea what's going on with him. He said this is what he's dealing with at his age. He said there's not a lot of doctors around when he's doing this.
Robin asked what happened with the TV. Howard said his mother put her hearing stuff in and she still can't hear. He said she had the volume too low for her to hear. He said then it squeals for a while until they get it right. He said there's feedback. He said she's going to outlive him.
Howard said his mother thinks she's being a burden on him so he did his impression of her doing that again. He had her telling him that he's done everything he can for her. Howard said he knows. He said he asked her about the new TV and she asked what about it. Howard said he thought it was going to be a game changer. He said she could see the TV before so this is no different. Howard said it's bigger now. He said she told him it's a beautiful TV. Howard said it must sound better. He had his mom saying she's not good with this stuff. He said she'll figure it out but she's not good with gadgets. Howard said he told her it should be a big difference.
Howard said it must be a bust for her. He said that he's not sure what's going on. He said at the end of this conversation she asked how he is. Howard said things are just great. He said like there's room for him to have a problem. He said he's trying. He said he's trying desperately. He said he has a lot of crazy shit going on in his world. He said his mother is upset that his dad is gone. He said she says she can see him like a Sal kind of thing. He said she sees him sitting on the bed. He said that's good. He said now he can talk to her.
Robin said the queen is now able to travel after all of these years. She said they're supposed to be flying her to London to have her laying in state for four days so people can file by.
Howard said they broke the news to people by doing an interview in Dan's Papers. Howard was joking since that's how he let people know about how his dad had passed.
Howard said they don't have a queen here. He said she must have been a nice lady. He said she did her duty and all but we have to get back to the Trump stuff. He said everyone wants to hear about him 24/7. He said they're not in touch now but the guy just wants to be the focus of attention. He said he made it happen and got his wish. He said he has to be on cloud 9. He said this is all he ever wanted. He said he used to make up phony Time magazine covers and hang them in his country club. He said he got his wish. He said Joe Biden is president and all we hear about is Trump.
Howard said it was crazy about the queen. He said that's all we heard about over the weekend. He said they have tape of Trump loading up boxes to take to Bedminster, New Jersey from earlier this year. He said there are a lot of missing documents and stuff too. He said he thinks that this guy wants to do business with Russia and Saudi Arabia and he might be showing them these documents if they do business with him. He said that would be a horrible thing. He said maybe he's selling them documents. He said who the fuck knows what he's doing with them. He said maybe he just wants to show people he has this stuff and that's how he brags about being President. He said he may just want them to have them. He said they even have a lawyer who lied about not having them.
Howard said there are laws in this country but apparently not for Donald Trump. He said he just gets away with stuff.
Howard said all they heard about over the weekend was the Queen. Robin said she liked her but she does not like King Charles. She said that he's boring when he speaks. Howard said Andy Richter was saying something about how he got to be King because his mother died and that's Nepotism gone too far. He said it was something like that and it was very funny.
Howard said he got a very funny condolence from someone. He said he should tell Robin about that. He said that his dad was 99 years old and people shouldn't have to write him. He said he was grieving though. He said he got a voicemail from Amy Schumer and it made him laugh. He said Amy called and said she was so sorry it wasn't her father. He said he was laughing so hard. He said that's fucking genius. He said that's brilliant stuff. He said she gave him a good laugh. He said he has to thank her for that.
Howard said Queen Elizabeth was queen for 70 years. He said she was queen all his life. He said she was born in 1926. He said the hit song was Valencia by Paul Whiteman. He played some of that song.
Robin said Cher got into some trouble for saying something about the queen being the GOAT (Greatest Of All Time) and she posted a meme that didn't go over very well. Howard said that she got into trouble over that.
Howard played more of the Valencia song and said now you know why the Beatles were so important. Howard said this song is the theme song for Ronnie's prom. He played the song again.
Howard said that TV is younger than the Queen's run. He asked Robin what's older, the queen of Antibiotics. Robin said that Antibiotics. Howard said the queen was older. He said that the queen is older than sunglasses. He said they were invented in 1929.
Howard had some TikTok reactions to the quean dying. He had a bunch of kids freaking out over the news.
Robin said it's interesting to her that they have this reaction being upset and she really wasn't in their lives. Robin said they say they're going to have a lot of crowds walking by the coffin and they're not sure how they're going to handle it. Howard said the world is falling apart and they feel like they're being left when something like this happens. He said she was a stabilizing force. He said they create something around her. He said you turn to those institutions when you're feeling things are out of control.
Howard said he has some Wack Pack reactions to the news. He played Bigfoot reacting to the news. He said he doesn't give a shit because he has his own problems. He kept referring to her as ''he'' too.
Howard said he has more from the Wack Pack. He had a clip of Wendy the Slow Adult reacting to the Queen's death. She said sorry about your queen but get over it. She said that we all die sometime. She said vote for Donald Trump. She said that she wants him to win no matter what. Robin said she thinks that she's a typical Trump voter.
Howard asked what's older, Tampons or the queen. Robin said it's the queen. Howard said tampons were invented in 1931.
Howard had Ass Napkin Ed responding to the queen's death. Ed said he would have fucked her. He said he would sleep with anyone from the legal age up to when they kick the bucket. He said he would have fucked her ass too.
Howard said he checked Ronnie's twitter feed and not everyone was affected by the news. He said he had Thirsty and Thong Thursday after the queen's death was announced.
Howard said Ronnie had a lot of nude women on there but one of them may have been transgender. Ronnie said that is not a trans person. He said that's a woman. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said she might have been formerly a man. Howard tried showing the picture to Ronnie. Ronnie said that she's a body builder or something. Howard said he doesn't know.
Ronnie said he has people writing him about how they were fucking with him again. He said she was the highlight of the week and it wasn't a dick. He said if she did have a dick she was still highlight of the week. He said she was smoking hot.
Chris Wilding said he didn't send that. He said he did try to get him to tweet a bikini picture of the queen but he didn't do it. Chris said he thinks that lady may have been formerly a man. He said Ronnie doesn't know what's up. Howard said she looks great. Ronnie said if it's hot he'll put it up. Howard asked if he would blow her. Ronnie laughed. Howard said that sounds like a yes.
Howard said over the summer break Ronnie tweeted 567 times. He said he's not into the other stuff, just twitter. Ronnie said he looks at Instagram. He said Stephanie posts stuff on there.
Ronnie said he went to see Imagine Dragons there in Vegas on Saturday and they put on a show that's unreal. He said he knows they're going to be on this week. He said Stephanie is into them. He said the got the chance to go and it was great. He said they're really good. Howard said that's Ronnie's review. He said they're on fire. He said they have like 3 number 1s going concurrently. Ronnie said he had no plan on going but he got the chance and they went.
Howard said he got a PCR test machine so he can test people at home now. He said he had some people over so he had to do that.
Howard said Nancy Fallon is a lovely woman. He said she's one of the nicest people he's ever met in his life. He said that she's a producer and she has produced a lot of hit movies and stuff. He said Jimmy isn't marrying some slouch. He said he had to marry someone like that. He said that's a power couple.
Howard said Nancy wanted to do something for Beth's birthday so she asked what her favorite songs were. Howard said he had to find out secretly about what they were. He said he got the songs and sent them to Nancy. He said he asked what they were doing and she said she'd call and let him know. Howard said he was wondering what the fuck was going on. He said Nancy called and said she wanted to get a marching band for them to come and stand on their lawn and play the songs for Beth on the lawn. Howard said he was like what the fuck. He said he didn't want a marching band on his lawn. He said they were going to have like 17 pieces there and they were a professional marching band. Howard said he didn't want that at his house but he knew he was a stick in the mud so he just let it happen. He said he didn't want the droplet cannons there in his yard but he told Nancy they have to do it. He said it would make Beth so happy.
Howard said that Nancy told him she'd take care of it all. He said this was amazing to him. He said they didn't have to go near anyone after.
Howard said Beth started to get suspicious a few days later. He said she was asking what was going on. He said she knew something was going on and didn't want to be surprised on her birthday. He said he told her to stop. He said she didn't want to be embarrassed or put on the spot. He said she knew he was lying. He said that he kind of broke down and let her know that Nancy was planning something. He said she knew that something was going to happen with Jimmy. He said he told her to stop and she got mad at him. He said on the day of her birthday he tells her there's something wrong with the lawn. He said the marching band was there and they broke into the songs that she likes. He said these guys were good too. He said they were doing the whole thing for her. He said these girls were jumping around and they had outfits on and everything. He said he has never seen a smile on someone's face like Beth. He said that they thanked them from afar and it was fantastic. He said it was the best thing ever. He said it was great. He said he told a friend about it and the friend said he was going to have to top that somehow. He said you can't beat that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's a doctor and she got the new vaccine on Friday. She said that everyone thinks she's a nut but she's the only one wearing a mask. She said she's not sure if she can stop. She said everyone thinks she's nuts. Howard said that's how he is. He said he didn't go to the Pearl Jam concert because of that. The caller said that people are around her with COVID all the time. Howard said he hears that these people can't shake the long COVID thing.
The caller asked if Howard has had anyone have a positive COVID test. Howard said yes. He said they said goodbye to that person. He said they did the PCR test and said goodbye. Robin asked how many tests Howard has had. Howard said maybe only 5. Robin said she's had maybe 3. She said there's no reason for a test for her. Howard said he has a catapult that he launches his guests with.
Robin said she's not running around without a mask or anything. She said they had a long conversation and she said she has to start living again. Howard said she was living just fine. Robin said she was just existing. Howard just wait until he tells the story about how he saved her life. He said when he tells this story on the air it's going to make the audience go wild. He said he had to do an intervention with her. He said it's not easy dealing what her. He said he's out of the Robin business now. He said if he sees her doing something as kooky as what she was doing he has to tell the story. He said she thinks she gets into things and he has to look after her. Robin said they have to start living again because this thing isn't going away. Howard said he has to get the new vaccine and go live a little bit. He said he'll do that.
Howard said he wanted to mention a few things before Rosie comes in. He said Pete Davidson broke up with Kim Kardashian so he's free again. Howard said this guy is unbelievable with the ladies. He said that people are always asking what women see in Pete. He said he's a good guy and he looks good. He said he's not sure what the problem is with people.
Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about the Drew Barrymore dating game. Howard said he had to turn down a few people. He said he has a feeling he knows who she should be with. He said Benjy came to him and asked to be part of it. Howard said he told him no. He said he's too kooky. He said he got all insulted.
Howard said he had to put an end to it when Benjy asked about being part of it. Benjy said he felt like they would connect somehow. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Howard said he was thinking that Pete Davidson could date Emily Ratajkowski. Robin said she is getting a divorce so maybe.
Howard said he started watching Cobra Kai. Robin said she heard it was canceled. Howard said he likes that show. He said it's kind of like Queen Latifah with Ralph Macchio playing the guy who can beat people up. He said he doesn't look like he can even walk that well.
Howard said he has a few other things to talk about. He said he has about 5 minutes before he breaks. He said he has some fan feedback. He read through some feedback and had a note from a guy who works at Belmont Raceway and he heard about Robin saying that they should bury Ben's eye at the track. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said that it's getting too morbid. He said he's just going to keep the eye.
Howard said he thinks his dad might get upset if he found out that's where his eye is. He said it would be great for the air though. He said that he's proud of himself for not doing something for the air. He said it might upset his kids too.
Howard said he got a lot of feedback about Gary and Ronnie being out in L.A. and running to that Jason Oppenheim guy. He went through that story and what happened. He read some feedback about that too. Gary had some supporters and some haters too.
Howard said people were congratulating Benjy on his weight loss. He read through some of that feedback. Someone asked if his penis got thinner too. Howard said he knows Benjy has a pretty big cock. He said he saw it once out at the Playboy mansion when he stripped down naked. He said he has penis envy when it comes to that kind of thing. He said he's glad his works though. He said he has measured his many times and he's a full 6 inches erect. He said that Benjy's is thick like a mushroom. He said he would imagine that it looks bigger now that he's lost weight. He read more feedback about Benjy.
Howard read some feedback about Bobo's ultimate question and on one was impressed with that. Howard read through some feedback about that. People weren't on Bobo's side in that at all.
Howard said Bobo got help from some celebrity friends and the fans thought the coaches did great. He read some feedback about that.
Howard said he has some bonus clips of Bobo being coached. He said he has Jeff the Drunk complaining too. Howard played some of the bonus clips of Bobo talking to Michael Rapaport about the questions he wanted to ask. He asked Mike about remembering his lines and he said it was the ''Doctor Zoom'' project. Mike told him to get into a conversational thing. He said his questions are too specific. Howard wrapped that up and said he has to get to Rosie. Howard said Jeff the Drunk was upset that Bobo was getting help from the stars and he was pissed. Howard played some audio of Jeff getting upset about that while talking to Chris Wilding. Jeff said he'd like to work with some stars like John Stamos, Jerry O'Connell and more. Howard took a call from Bobo real quick and quickly moved on. He said he has to get to Rosie O'Donnell. He said he will get to more tomorrow. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said keep thinking things are going to look up like they sing in that song. He sang along with it a few seconds and then got to Rosie O'Donnell. He said he and Rosie haven't spoken in a while. He said that he convinced her to move near him in Florida and then she left him. Rosie said he was dangerously close to Donald Trump so she had to get out of there.
Howard said he knows she loved that house down there. He said she looks out and could see where Trump lived so she didn't want to see that. He said she picked her ass up and left. Rosie said exactly. She said her house didn't do it for her anymore after seeing Howard's house. She said it's a very Trumpy town. She said they had issues with her down there. She said she didn't want to live with that.
Howard said he texted her and she didn't respond. She said if she was mad he would know. She said she moved to L.A. about a year ago. She said she got this gig on this TV series and she went to Culver City because that's where her daughter is going to school. She said she talked to her older kids about moving there for her. She said in that one year her daughter was able to learn to read and that was shocking so she stayed there. She said that she's renting a house out there in Malibu for way too much money. Howard asked how much it costs out there. Rosie said she hit 60 and she didn't want to buy it but she told her brother, who handles her money, and he said she was out of her fucking mind. She said it was her money and she's going to do it. She said she rented it as a birthday gift to herself and then decide if that's where they're going to stay.
Howard said he has been to Malibu and its really intense there. Rosie said she has a lot of friends there and its good for her. She said that she has Fran Drescher over for dinner a lot and it feels like the beginning of her career out there. She said she has 30 plus year friends out there. She said that Fran is over twice a week at least.
Howard said he was watching her on the Mary Trump podcast and he didn't know she was so close to Kathy Griffin. Rosie said she wasn't but they became closer recently. She said she wasn't a Joan Rivers fan really but she got to know Kathy and she finds her very vulnerable. She said she feels like her big tough gay sister. She said that Kathy lost her voice recently and she can't project very well. She said Kathy asked her to do a sober house thing for her and she got to be friendly with her. She said she loves her husband Randy too. Rosie said she's able to have Kathy over when she has issues and she's able to help. She said she's a good friend now.
Howard asked if Rosie worries about her bringing her up on stage because that's why he wouldn't have her over to her house. Howard said he told her that's why he didn't have her over. Rosie said in her last special she talked about her issues with Trump and she told her to take the head down and apologize. She said that she didn't want her to emulate our enemies. She said that she brought her up in the special and she was saying the opposite of what really happened. She said that she was able to talk to her about it a month ago. She said that Kathy is committed to her health now and she's making amends with people. She said she's so able to change what was her destiny in her mind. She said she thinks that she has realized that the age of 60 isn't the end. She said it's not time to think about that. She said Kathy is 61 now. Howard said that happens. He said he's around his mother now and he sees what she's going through and it's horrible. He said the future is horrible. Rosie said Kathy has become such a loving person.
Howard asked what she thinks it is about herself that makes her attracted to helping women who are in big trouble. He said he remembers when she was helping Martha Stewart on The View and she seems to like doing that with people. Rosie said he's right. She said that she did do that with Martha. She said she was asked to go visit her in prison. She said she didn't take a shower and she was trying to look as low key as she could. She said Martha came out looking like she had been made up by a pro. She said that she looked like her homeless cousin from Utah. Rosie said she asked her what she missed the most and she said it was the flavor of lemon. She said she would have shoved one up her hoo-hah and gotten one in there for her. She said when she got out of prison she flew in a lemon tree for her and she never heard from her again.
Howard asked how weird that is to never hear from her again. Rosie said she feels that people have suffered greatly and she wants to drop grace on them.
Howard said she also reached out to Roseanne Barr. Rosie said she did reach out to her and asked her to check herself into a hospital. She said that she wanted her to find out what was wrong. She said that Roseanne didn't get upset. She said that she knew she was doing it for the right reasons. Howard said her comedy turns her on. Rosie said she thought Joan Rivers was kind of mean but not Roseanne. She said that she did make up with Joan toward the end. She said she had done a Vanity Fair interview and had some photos in there and Joan commented on them. She said she was sort of outing her in 1992 and that wasn't the right time to be doing that. She said she had a bit of an issue with that.
Howard asked if she dated guys at all. Rosie said she did date a guy from New Jersey. She said it was just the one guy. Howard said she was into him. Rosie said she was and it lasted about a year and a half. She said it wasn't horrible. She said she had only been with a few women before him. She said she dated him while they were doing ''A League of their Own.'' She said she realized afterward that she can't do this. She said the sex part is what she couldn't do. She said the loving him and all of that was great. She said she was out of the bed before she was even awake. Howard said of course. He said if he had to make love to a man he wouldn't be able to do it. He said he gets it.
Rosie said she had only 2 girlfriends before this guy. She said that she trusted this guy and she had this unresolved stuff in her life and she didn't trust men. She said she hadn't worked through it in therapy. She said that it was nothing to do with the guy. She said that he was a very loving guy and she knew in the end she couldn't continue with that because it wasn't for her.
Howard said it was like she was sentenced to misery for 8 years of her life. He said she had to put up with this shit for 8 years. Rosie said she was only with him for a year and a half. She said she was with women before that. She said that she met him in a comedy club and he asked to take her to dinner and she didn't know what to do. She said he kissed her and they went out. She said she moved out to L.A. and she walked into a store and she saw this guy there. She said that's when they started dating.
Howard said that has to be hard for her. He said he can't imagine her with a guy. He said it's so strange to him. He said it has to be awful in a way.
Howard said getting back to this redemption thing he has to ask about Louis C.K. or someone like that. Rosie said she would never reach out to him because he's the abuser in her mind. She said there are other women that she would reach out to. She said there was this woman who was arrested for the Abu Ghraib thing. She said she wanted to reach out to her because she was the only one who got in trouble for that whole thing. She didn't think it was fair so she reached out to her.
Howard said Rosie had her talk show and she came out very strongly against Woody Allen. He said she wasn't mincing words. He said the strange story he heard was that she got a call from a casting person who said Woody wanted her for something. Rosie said that she had said all of this stuff about him and then she got her show. He said that she asked them to send him her HBO special. She said he had already seen it. She said that she sent him that and a ''fuck no'' and he still wanted to work with her. She said there was no way she was going to do that. She said the same thing happened with Michael Jackson when he wanted to meet her. She said that she doesn't want to meet the abuser. Howard said this is what he admires about her. He asked if she thinks that Woody was trying to buy her friendship. Rosie said yes. She said that she became friends with Mia Farrow because of that story. She said that even her closest friends didn't stick with her when all of that went down. She said that Mia appreciated her sticking with her on her side of that. Howard said that is a weird thing. Rosie said that he was the abuser and she could see that. She said she wasn't going to work with him after knowing that.
Rosie said that she was at an event once and she saw Woody and Soon-Yi walking toward her table and Woody just stood there staring at her. She said it was very awkward.
Howard said that he's still shocked that she walked away from her talk show. He asked if she still feels that she should have walked away from that. Rosie said that she doesn't regret it. She said she knew she was going to leave when her son Parker got into kindergarten. She said she never had a regret. She said she was sick of talking to people who didn't want to be there. She said it was less and less authentic. She said they would ask her to do things for the show and promote products. She said that she didn't want to do that stuff. She said they were just taking this stuff into the budget of the show and she refused to do that stuff.
Howard said she had integrity. He asked if she lost a lot of friendships after leaving the show. Rosie said Anne Heche said she harassed her in her dressing room. She said she had the same idea that Howard did about her being able to make or break people. She said that Anne got into an accident and she only knew her from dong the show twice and coming to her house once. She said she didn't know her very well but she knew her. She said she had terrible child abuse as a child. She said Anne had a podcast and she said something about going to her show and how she mentioned that if she said she would ruin her career if she said anything gay on the show. Rosie said she heard this and she was in shock. She said she asked to hear every Anne Heche interview that she could after that. She said she said it was nice to meet her after she did her show. She said that Anne was confused about something. She said she must have walked around feeling that about her for 20 some years. She said that was her perception of her. She said she wishes she could have been able to talk to her about that so she could find out what was going on. She said she could have gotten around whatever she was worried about if she had an issue with something she said on the show.
Howard asked if she's in touch with Ellen at all. Rosie said no. Howard said he has a feeling she didn't want to leave her show. Rosie said it gets old. She said she did it for 19 years. She said it gets old when you have to perform. She said she had her show there at Sirius and it was a freeing thing.
Howard said he was offered the shot at taking over for Joan Rivers and the pace of the show was just too much. He said being on radio was way better. Rosie said it is such a freeing art form. Howard said he hates the crowd thing too. He said that's why he likes radio.
Howard asked if that's why she likes the TikTok thing. Rosie said yes and she's going to do something longer than that because the TikTok thing is only 3 minutes.
Howard asked if she thinks she talks about stuff she shouldn't talk about and shares too much. Rosie said yes. She said she went to Nobu with Fran Drescher and some other people. She said that she saw Nick Jonas there and his wife was there too. She said that she said that she thought her dad was Deepak Chopra and she said that she might know her dad and the wife asked who her dad is. She said that she got so embarrassed and it threw her off. She said her son said ''please don't mind her, we're taking her home...'' She said they were pounding her in the car over that. She said she went right on TikTok and everyone got on and went after her for being racist. She said she Googled her and found out that she hates that people think she's Deepak Chopra's daughter.
Howard said that's what sucks about TikTok. He said you tighten up after people go after you like that.
Howard said now TikTok wants her to do more. Rosie said she's 60 now and they want her to do more. She said she would like to do something that's more like this. Howard asked if she was going to bang a guy it might be a guy like John Bernthal who's in this show American Gigolo with her. He said she's really good in the show. He said he forgets that she's Rosie. He said that 5 minutes in he sees she pulls it off.
Rosie said that David Hollander is the one who did Ray Donovan and the show was so good. She said she wanted to do a character like that. She said if she could get on a show like that she would love it. She said she thinks she could keep it real. She said that she thought they were doing a Ray Donovan type of show so that's the way she was playing it.
Howard said the original American Gigolo was Hector Alonzo. He asked if she watched that. Rosie said she did watch it again to get the feel of it. She said she did think it would be interesting. She asked if he was going to change the script at all and he said no. She said she just had to play a tough New York cop. She said she didn't love the movie growing up because it was highly sexual. She said she was into other stuff. Howard said that's where Richard Gere showed his penis. Rosie said she wasn't into that at 18 years old so she wasn't into that. She said Bernthal makes a good Gigolo.
Howard said she packed up her bags and moved to L.A. to do the show. Rosie said she was told she was offered this role and she knew of this guy and she was thrilled to do it. She said everything came together at once. She said it was good. She said they did this all during COVID said it lasted a long time. She said they got rid of David Hollander halfway through it. She said they said it wasn't sexual in nature but they got complaints about him. Howard asked if she called him. Rosie said she did. She said he is a genius. She said she didn't see any behavior so she's not sure what that was. She said this show was his whole vision. She said the first three episodes were his imprint. She said then they reassessed the whole thing. She said they finished out the last 5 episodes. Howard asked if she just went with it. Rosie said she did think it was a bummer. She said it took a while to get it back working smoothly again. She said they lost the captain of the ship so it was hard. Howard said she did a great job.
Howard said he saw that James Corden was leaving his show. He asked if she would do a late night show. Rosie said no. She said she lost the pop culture thing and she's not following it. She said it has lost its allure. She said that there are so many people she got to meet that were great interviews. She said now it doesn't matter. She said she saw behind the curtain of it all. She said she wouldn't be as curious as she was. She said now she's not interested. Rosie said she wants to express herself in different ways. She said she has been very fortunate in her life. She said that if you told them what they were going to have when they got older they never would have believed it. She said she once got a check for 27 million and she had no idea because her wife didn't tell her. She said she would have had a beer or something if she got it. She said she doesn't care that much about it though. Howard said he was thrilled that he was making 250 a week when he started out. He said he was shocked that someone was paying him.
Howard asked where Rosie is doing her thing. She said she's a series regular on The L Word. Howard said his wife loves that show. She said that they asked her to come back this season. She said she has about 3 more weeks of work and possibly a sex scene. Howard asked if it's nude. She said she said she wont do a sex scene but the women there are writing such great stuff. Howard said he has to tell her something. He said he did just one movie but he had some quasi sex scenes. He said he had a boner the whole time. He said they say it's acting but that's bullshit. He said it was very erotic. He said why not do it. He said she doesn't want to but she must fantasize about it. He said that the other woman is probably very fit and you get to do stuff. He said he's excited about this. Rosie said they told her she'll have an intimacy coach. Howard said how about she stays fully clothed and the other person gets naked. Rosie said she sees Lizzo and she thinks that she's great and she gets her clothes and stuff and she thinks it looks good on her. She said her daughter asks why she wears it. She said she's enjoying it.
Howard said the last time Rosie was there she said she would rather do anything than have sex in her personal life. He said she was dating a police officer last time. Rosie said that was Liz. She said that she was too young. She said she was 23 years younger than her. She said she recently got sober and she's doing well in her life and job. She said she's dating someone new so she's happy for her. Rosie said she's dating someone new too. Howard said this woman is very attractive and very new. Howard said she's tattooed. Rosie said she has 23 tattoos. She said they counted them. Howard said she's back in action. Rosie said she is. She said they met on TikTok. Howard said that has to be weird. Rosie said she would watch her videos and she would smile. She said she wrote to her in a DM and then 10 days later she got a video from her and she was singing a little song about her. She said it worked out. Howard said that could have turned bad easily. He said she could have made fun of her or something.
Howard asked how it worked out after that. Rosie said she thought she was being cat fished because she wouldn't video chat with her. She said that she thought she had messaged the wrong person or something. She said it turns out she's very shy. She said with the tattoos you don't think that. She said that she's an introvert and she's a massage therapist. Howard asked if she wants her to move closer to her and stop with her job. Rosie said she has two children. She said she's got a 15 year old and a 21 year old. She said she was a Mormon and at 25 she left the church and had her name removed. She said that she's estranged from her family because of that. She said she is in love with this woman. She said its complicated but they're seeing each other once a month or so. She said she won't get married again. She said two was enough. She said that's not her best thing. Howard said she may want that from her though. Rosie said she is not pressuring her and she doesn't do well under that pressure. Robin said so next time they see her she'll be married. Rosie said Robin will be the maid of honor.
Howard said he went online looking for Rosie on David Letterman. He said you can not find it. He said he was trying to find it and it's not out there. He said Rosie was never comfortable on the show. He said that Dave wasn't friendly to her during the breaks and stuff. Rosie said she felt she did well on the show a couple times. She said that someone told her that she had ruined it for him because she was so good. She said it was Michael McKean. She said that it was very strange on Letterman for her. She said the show was great for comedians and they would all gather round and watch when one of the group would get on the show. She said she doesn't think Dave loved her but it was okay. She said it wasn't the warm fuzzy that she expected.
Howard said Dave would have him on and he'd roll his eyes but he thinks Dave liked him. Rosie said Dave is a great interviewer. Howard said he still gets to talk to him and it's a real high for him.
Howard said he gets jealous that she got to hang out with David Bowie. He said he loves that she told him that she was taking him to see the play Rent and David didn't want to go. Rosie said she told him he was doing it and he was going to like it. She said they went and after about 20 minutes he leaned over to her and said ''I'm going to kill you...'' she said they got out of there and he said she was coming to Nobu and she had to eat every fucking thing he ordered. Howard said she loves sushi now. He said he ran into her there a bunch of times. Howard said he's still not leaving the house. Rosie said she hasn't gotten it either. She said she still wears a mask out but people look at her funny because no one else is wearing one. She said she's shocked that she hasn't gotten it. She said she's afraid that she's going to get Monkeypox now. She said she wants them to pop those pox when she sees them.
Howard said he heard that Dr. Agus said that people who got the Small Pox vaccine as kids are safe from Monkeypox. He said it's just crazy out there. He said he's super paranoid about it all.
Rosie said that she's heard Howard singing to the cats on Beth's Instagram. Howard said they have a rabbit too. Rosie asked if they have the cats up in the room she stayed in. Howard said they have six of their own and they have a whole foster room downstairs. He said it's like Noah's Ark there.
Howard asked where Rosie is going to perform to work out her act. Rosie said she's working with a guy for about 6 or 7 months centering around her life and around the Trump thing. She said that she did the charity event with Kathy and she worked it out in the venue they were at. She said she performed them on that stage and it's better not doing it at a comedy club. She said she can't do that at her age. She said that they're waiting to see what happens with some other stuff and she's going to do it. She said she's excited about it. She said she might do it off Broadway to start.
Howard said they called Rosie after the Oscars thing. He said hew anted to hear from her about that. Rosie said she was enraged at Will. She said that he ruined Chris' night and ruined everything that night. She said that she thinks he ruined the magic of the Academy Awards. She said it used to be a big deal for her family to watch and she was horrified when she saw that. Rosie said she saw Chris out at Nobu and she told him that she texted him that night. Howard said he called Chris and told him that was total bullshit and he should go fuck himself. Rosie said she texted him but he said he never got it. She said maybe he changed his number.
Howard said it's hard to overcome what happened to him. He said that he'll always be the guy who got smacked by Will Smith. Rosie said that Chris is the nicest guy in show business. She said that she didn't get that at all.
Howard asked if she saw the Chappelle stuff. Rosie said that she felt that his Trans show was from the wrong perspective. She said that she's not hyper sensitive but it seems like Dave has a real issue with this subject and he has to work it out. She said imagine if she was called a racist and she did another special where she said she helped a black comic out. She said that would be wrong. She said she's not sure how he got more rewards and specials on Netflix.
Howard asked if she's shocked by the deals they make over there at Netflix. Rosie said it's shocking. She said she got the $27 million check for her TV show and she thinks it would have been 270 million over at Netflix. He said that her 27 million was for her show's syndication. She said that it was crazy. She said she had so much money and at some point you have enough.
Howard said he has this weird guilt about having the dream of being on radio and he dreamed of just having enough money to live. He said that this is beyond his wildest dream to make this kind of money. He said it would be insulting to walk away from it. He said he admires her for what she did by walking away. He said saying no is very difficult. Rosie said she did a lot of it for self preservation. She said she was glad she wasn't on during the Bush years and the Trump years. Howard said they should have had her on The View during the Trump years. He said those years are still going on.
Howard said Donald's dream was to be the center of attention. He said he got his dream. He said he even made up fake Time magazine covers to hang in Mar-A-Lago. Howard said talk about fulfillment of desires. He said that it's crazy. Rosie asked if he thinks he'll be indicted. Howard said he thought to himself that if there is a law in this land where they try to overthrow the government he would have gone right to jail. He said they're asking for these nuclear secret documents and he's not returning them. He said they have them and they have to go take them back and it's obviously treason. He said you'd think the republican party would abandon him but they don't. He said then the judge starts with delaying things and now the law doesn't apply. He said it's all very odd to him.
Howard said he's thinking that Donald wont go to jail. Rosie asked if he'll stay involved in politics. Howard said he thinks he'll run again. Rosie said she thinks he won't win. Robin said she hopes one of them is right. She said there won't be a civil war. She said she thinks the people who showed up on January 6th are the only ones who were willing to go to war. Howard said Roe V Wade is done. He said that's because Obama didn't get to appoint his guy in the Supreme Court. He said he's not sure what will happen with gay marriage. Rosie said she thinks Biden has to expand the Supreme court. She said it worked when they did it before. Rosie said when the person who is president installs 3 people and then he's charged with being an insurrectionist then we should be looking into everything he did. Howard said it's not happening though. He said they've been yapping away for an hour and a half. He said they have to wrap up.
Rosie said she has to stay in touch with Howard more. Howard said he doesn't want to bother her. He said he will send her some of his art. Howard said she's very crafty herself. Rosie said she is. She said shell send Robin some stuff.
Howard asked Rosie who she would go to dinner with if she had to chose between Trump or Woody Allen. Rosie said she would be a no-show. Howard said she has to pick one. He said if she doesn't go they will torture her girlfriend. Rosie said she thinks she would go with Woody over Trump. She said she can't say she would ever go to dinner with Trump. She said she would never hear the end of it if she ever said she would go with Trump. She said it would be a horrible dinner for Woody though.
Howard said Rosie is in the show ''American Gigolo'' on Showtime. He said it's on Sunday nights at 9. He said Rosie is also on TikTok and she's going to be on The L Word and she might be nude. Rosie said you'll see all of her moves. Rosie said she's going to text him move by move throughout the day. Howard said Rosie is also going to dinner with Woody Allen. He said she's also working on stand up. He said he may be doing a one woman show. He said Trump will get in on that too. He said he saw her on the Mary Trump podcast and that was good. Rosie said Mary is very smart. She said she really enjoys her. She said they keep in touch. She said she has a lot to say.
Howard asked if she's still friends with Madonna. Rosie said they still talk and they're still in each other's lives. She said that's a 30 year friendship. Howard said that's wonderful. He gave her more plugs.
Howard said the Emmys are on tonight. Rosie said she'll be watching. Howard said he loves the show Hacks. He said the girl who plays the comedy writer is Laraine Newman's daughter. Rosie said she wrote to her after the show came out and she told her to enjoy it because this is the show business way and she wrote back ''I know, my mother is Laraine Newman.'' She said she put her foot in her mouth once again.
Howard asked Rosie what she's doing today. Rosie said she's going out to lunch. Howard said she's way further along with this COVID thing than he is. Rosie said she is. She said she'll be doing Andy Cohen's show while she's there too. Howard said he could sit and bullshit with her all day. Rosie said she feels the same. She said she loves Robin too. Howard said only say you love him.
Howard said he has Woody Allen on the phone. He said he wants to speak to her. Fake Woody started talking and Howard hung right up saying that wasn't a good impression. Howard let Rosie go after that.
Howard said that was a lot of fun and he loves when she says she loves him but then she says she loves Robin and it takes it all away. Howard said tomorrow they have to regroup and get to a lot. He said they have so much to get to about what happened over the summer.
Howard wrapped up and did a live commercial read before ending the show. They were done around 10:35am.
Howard said he has done much of his time with Robin. He said what a treat that is. Howard said there are people who sleep on Twitch and people watch that. He said that's broadcasting so their title may not hold up.
Howard said he stayed up to watch the Emmys. He said it doesn't matter anymore though. He said it's not like when people watched the same shows and they had a few Emmys to give out. He said there are so many shows now. He said he did see White Lotus and that was a good show. He said he watched some Ted Lasso but it wasn't his thing. He said Robin loved it. Robin said she really did. Howard said he's not a Ted Lasso guy. He said he watched maybe 7 episodes and 4 of them were like ''Really?'' He said he wont put you down for watching it though. He said there are a couple of shows that he doesn't watch like Succession. Howard said he tried to watch Billions but he didn't get into that or Succession. Robin told Howard what that show is about and Howard said he's not into people who work for their family.
Howard said it's like a permanent state of not growing up. He said that's what it's like for Trump. He said he hates Succession. He said he wants to see people doing things on their own.
Howard said he saw that Jean Smart won for Hacks. He said he really likes that show a lot. Robin said that show she doesn't get. She said she can't sit through it. Howard said he and Beth love it. Howard said he feels like he should have awards but he doesn't get anything. He said people carry on with those awards. He said Lizzo was in tears. He said there was some woman in tears and he was telling her to calm the fuck down. Robin said it shows how little they feel about themselves until someone else sees them. She said they did the work and they were just given a statue. Howard said imagine if he stood up there crying and singing. He started to sing like his dad.
Howard said that woman was going wild. Robin said she was the original Dream Girl on Broadway. Howard said he'd rather pull the hair out of his balls than hear that. He played a clip from the Emmys where this woman, Sheryl Lee Ralph, started to sing.
Howard said this sounds like something Robin could sing. He said this had to be the funniest moment of the night. Robin said Jimmy Kimmel might have been the best. Howard said he heard he got into trouble. Fred played some clips of Robin singing and it was kind of like that woman at the Emmys. Howard played more of the audio and said he has never heard of this woman. Fred played Robin clip along with that woman. Howard was laughing. Robin was laughing too. She said Howard knows this woman. She played Jon Voigt's wife in Ray Donovan. Gary said she's also in Abbott Elementary on ABC. Howard said she should calm down. He said he was missing out on Will Smith.
Robin said that Jimmy was dragged out on to stage and this woman had to give her speech while Jimmy was lying on the floor next to her. She said everyone is upset about it. Howard said he didn't see that. He said he did Fartman while Metallica was accepting their award and Lars kicked him in his asshole. He said people loved it. He said sometimes you have to take risks in your career. Robin said people were upset about the Jimmy thing.
Howard said he has to hear this again. He played the clip again. He said imagine if he got up and started singing like that. Howard answered a knock at the door and fake Bill Shatner was there and started singing the song that the Emmy winner was singing.
Howard asked Bill when his song came to him. Bill said it just came to him. He said he heard the song on the show and he knows he can do better than that.
Howard said he has Sheryl Lee Ralph on the phone to talk to them. He took the call and fake Sheryl was singing about taking her morning doody and things like that. Howard let her go pretty quick.
Howard said that woman was all fired up. He asked what happened to Jimmy. Robin told Howard about what she heard. She said it was like Will Arnett was dragging a dead body on stage. Robin asked JD if he knows more. JD got on and explained that Will said Jimmy lost again so he drank a lot and passed out so Will dragged him on stage. Robin said Will announced the winner and Jimmy stayed there laying there and the woman had to step over him to do her acceptance speech. Robin said they think it was upstaging her. Howard said Jimmy was committed to his character. JD said even during the commercial break Will had to drag Jimmy off stage. Howard said he's learned about committing to a character. JD said he was just laying there.
Howard asked how you'd feel if he came back to life during her speech. Robin said he did not move. JD said he did give her a thumbs up. Howard said he won an award he would have bent over and farted in his face or something. He said that way you see if he's really committed.
Howard said no one can roll with a bit. He said they asked that woman, Quinta Brunson, if she liked it and she sounded like she was thrown off by it a bit. Howard said he would have stepped on his nuts or something. He said he could have farted in his face. He said then he would have flipped him over and stuck his cock in his ass. He said if he's committed he won't move.
Howard said he thinks Jimmy would have done it with anyone who won. He said it might be time to get him on there. Gary said he's coming on soon. He said it's within the next 2 weeks. Howard said he would have had a lot of fun with that. He said he could have drawn some dicks on his face or something. He said people don't want to have fun anymore.
Howard said this woman was saying she wasn't offended. He played more of her talking about it and how Jimmy gave her a big late night spot and she didn't mind it. She said maybe she'll punch him in his face on Wednesday when she's on his show. Howard said Jimmy will be on their show on September 27th.
Howard said he hope he passes out there. He said they'll have some fun with his body. Robin said he'll end up with a Richard pubic hair moustache. Howard said he'd have a lot of fun if he passed out in front of him.
Howard said he saw that Jimmy was hanging out with Amanda Seyfried and some other people there at the Emmys. He said he has a lot of famous friends. He did his impression of Will Arnett talking to Jimmy about doing the bit together.
Robin said that Quinta Brunson said that Jimmy was one of the comedy Godfathers. Howard said alright. He asked JD if he was offended by the bit. JD said he thought he would get up but he stuck with the bit. He said it was fine to him. He said he's happy he committed to it. Robin said JD never gets offended. She said you could shit on his face and he'd be fine.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mel Gibson huffing and puffing about how offensive that bit was. He said he would have stuck his cock in his face so he could blow him. Howard closed the door on him pretty quick.
Howard said you know you're in trouble when Mel Gibson thinks you're wrong. Howard said there's the Emmys. He said Sheryl Lee Ralph was fired up on the red carpet too. He played some audio of that. He said she's a very upbeat person. Robin said she is.
Howard said Laverne Cox was very excited too. He played some audio of her interviewing people and asking them to tell the story of what you're wearing. He said she's the one doing the interviews on the red carpet. Howard asked why it was offensive to ask what they were wearing. Robin had an explanation about how the women were there as actors but they were being asked about their clothes like they were models for the clothing.
Howard said Sheryl Lee Ralph had a whole thing about what she was wearing. He played a clip of her talking to Laverne Cox about why she was wearing whatever she was wearing.
Howard said Laverne has a new sound she makes before she asks a question. He played a clip of her doing this annoying scream thing. Howard said that's not annoying at all. Howard did his impression of that.
Howard said show business is so weird. He said you don't need that. He said she got that from Cousin Brucie. He said he was so original that he was doing that back in the 1950s.
Howard played more of the weird squeal thing that Cox was doing. Howard did his impression as Cousin Brucie doing that sound. Howard said she was work shopping a lot of new noises.
Howard said he has one last word about the Emmys. He said Jennifer Coolidge is pretty funny. He said she was in White Lotus and she got kind of kooky and they played her right off. He said she's a lovable kook and they played her right off. He said they didn't give her any time. Howard played the clip where she was trying to talk and they play her right off. Howard said it's so rude.
Howard said the other thing they saw on the Emmys was an ad for a product to help women shit. He said he was watching it and wondered why it's just for women. He said it must work for men too. Howard played the clip of the commercial. Howard gave that a ''Hmm'' when he heard it. Robin said they give a lot of women oriented advertising. Howard said shitting as you get older you need help. He said he got on the Metamucil bandwagon and now he shits like a prince. He said he shits 3 times a day sometimes. He said it's beautiful. He said he has never had more perfect turds. He said if you look up on the internet about what it should look like this is what it is. He said he's available to endorse these products. He said he's ready to endorse Metamucil.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel went on Metamucil and he thanked him for getting him on it. He said it's good stuff. He played a song parody about him promoting the stuff.
Howard said his daughter is able to get his mom up. He said she just gets her moving. Howard said he called the doctor and asked what's going on. He did an impression of the guy telling him her vagina looks like an old baloney sandwich. He said even with the creams and stuff he has to tell her what to do with it. He said he told her he thinks she has to put it around the hole on the outside.
Howard said he doesn't want to get into it too much but he knows his mom is in discomfort. He said he has to make the appointments for her and it's the whole wind up to it that gets him. He did his impression of his mom asking him to pray for her when she goes to the doctor.
Howard said it's a whole wind up and it tears at his heart strings. He said she makes it sound like it's very hard for her to go. He had her saying that you do know how hard it is and then you don't know how hard. Robin said the inactivity is causing more and more problems. Howard said he knows. He said he tries to tell her that. He said it's like wrestling an alligator. He said he talks to the doctor and they're concerned about her swollen legs. He said he knows. He said he tells her she has to move around. He said she eats salty food and she sits around. He said they could put her on something but then it might make her ''pish'' more and she'll be miserable.
Howard had his mom talking to him about how hard it is for her to walk around. Robin said it'll be hard at first but then it'll get easier. Howard had Ray saying she just can't do it. Robin said she needs some compression stockings. Howard said she'd look hot in those. He said he has her with a physical therapist and all of that. He said he's trying to get her to move around but she's a tough customer.
Robin said he has no idea what she used to deal with. She said the first time she was called the N-word was when she tried to get a patient out of bed. She said that guy ended up in a chair. She said she just did what she had to do.
Howard said he hopes his mother gets some relief. He said it's just so sad that his dad is gone. He said he has explained on the air what he had to deal with. He said it's upsetting that he's gone and his mom is saying she doesn't want to be here but then she'll say that she does want to be here. He said his dad was taking a lot of morphine in the end and his mom was in a lot of pain and maybe they could give it to her. He said his mom doesn't want to do that. He said she's afraid they're going to do to her what they did to Ben. He said it's not the same thing so he tried to explain that to her. He said he told her he'd be so high on morphine if he was in the same condition. He said he told her to just have a party and eat what she wants and have some fun. He said he knows that it's not helping her condition but you have to have some fun. He said that she's 94 laying there not eating and dying. Robin said you have to have a goal. He said you have to start training for a 5k race or something. Howard said she has no idea what's going on. He said it would crack even you. He said more than one person has jumped out a window after talking to his mother. He said his dad watched to jump out the window so they had to restrain him. He said he wasn't up that high so he may have just been injured. He said this is all so depressing to watch. He said he's seen a lot.
Robin asked if he's heard of Epigenetics. Howard said he invented it. Robin said she's saying that you don't have to wind up like his parents. She said there are ways around that.
Howard said they went for another walk and Beth didn't bring her EpiPen with her. He said she didn't want to carry it with her. Howard said she is so fucking stubborn that she thinks she'll be okay with it. He said now she gets upset with him when he brings it up. He said that she'll go nuts if he brings it up. He said he's going to get her in there and Robin should bring it up.
Howard texted Beth to get her down there. He said it's the funniest thing. He said you'll see what happens.
Howard said she gets so upset when he brings up the EpiPen. Howard said he sees he got some texts there. He said he got some from Tommy Mottola. He texted Beth. He said she's going to say she's not dolled up. He said he knows she has her phone on her. He said she ignores him. He said they only have one EpiPen too. He said she hid it on him so he has no idea where it is.
Beth showed up so he had her come in. Beth said she got his message. She said that she isn't dolled up. She said she was just scooping poop.
Howard told Beth what they were talking about. She said she's going to post a picture of her foot. Howard said they won't believe that's a real foot. She said it's fascinating that a little bee did that.
Howard said she has to tell people why she won't bring her EpiPen with her. Beth said it's in the kitchen medicine cabinet. Howard asked why she won't bring it with her. Beth said it's so annoying when he says it to her. Howard asked if she wears shorts. She said she does but she's not bringing the EpiPen with her. Howard said she has to bring it. He said she could die from it. He asked why she won't bring the pen with her. Beth said she hasn't figured it out why. She said she's just not going to bring it with her.
Howard had to explain to Beth what Jimmy Kimmel did on the Emmys last night because she's hearing about him doing something.
Robin told Beth that she's highly allergic to bee stings and if she's stung again the reaction is going to be bigger than this time. She said that you can still get stung in the leg or arm and imagine if you're stuck in the face or neck. She said it could be an emergency. Beth said that she could get the pen. She asked how much time she has. Robin said you don't have a lot of time. Howard said he'll carry it for her if he has to. Beth said she had a bad time for that week so it was bad. She said this is gross but the skin on her foot is peeling off. She said it's really bizarre looking.
Howard asked why she listens to Robin but not him. Beth said he's being annoying and Robin isn't. Howard said she thinks she can shake this off but that bee won the battle. Beth said that bee had to die for that too. She said she felt so bad for her.
Howard said he was thinking about this whole thing and he's glad Robin said something. He answered a knock at the door and fake Dr. Now was on to tell Beth to use the EpiPen. He asked if she wants to die. He said she can't do anything if she's dead. He was naming all of the cats as he was talking to her. He said she has to be there for them all.
Howard said Beth went to a wedding the other night and people were telling her to eat something. He said that she was yelling back at them. Dr. Now said that he's with big fatsos all the time and you should be happy to be as thin as Beth. He said she does the work. He told her to keep the EpiPen on her at all times.
Beth said she just got a big supply of Hershey's chocolate. Howard said she had a friend who went to Hershey, Pennsylvania and they have all of that stuff out there. He said they have a whole thing out there where you can make a custom candy. He said this thing had all kinds of stuff in it. He said Beth is eating this fucking thing and he's watching. He said he's not sure where she puts it but she's just about orgasming eating it. He said she's going crazy. He said that he went online to try to order a custom thing from Hershey but you have to go there and get it. He said he ordered a shit load of Hershey chocolate with Reese's. He said that he stocked the freezer with all of this stuff. He said he can't eat it so he eats a plum instead.
Howard said he found out how Beth stays so thin. He said Beth went to the city and he had to take care of the cats for a day. He said he was sweating after doing it. He said they have the cats all sectioned off. He said they have gates all over the place. He said he can't get through them himself. He said Beth told him what to do. He said he's feeding the cats and then cleaning the litter boxes. He said he's digging through shit and piss and he starts sweating. He said it's no wonder she's skinny. He said as soon as he cleans them up Pebbles gets in and takes a shit. He said he sat down and wondered if he's going to clean the new shit up. Beth said hopefully he did. Howard said of course he did.
Howard said he knows if he helps the cats Beth gets turned on. He said you have to do something like that to get the woman to love you. Beth said she loves when he grooms the cats and sits with them. Howard said after doing the upstairs cats he has to go downstairs and take care of those cats. He said he turns the lights on and there's shit on the floor. Beth said that was Yoda. She said it gets stuck in his fur. She said that's very rare. She said it happened the day she wasn't there.
Howard said he didn't know if he should do it. He said he found some wipes to clean up the shit. He said he picked up the doody. He said he's picking up the doody and sticking it in the garbage. He said he was afraid that the doody was going to stick on the floor. He said he found some spray for the floor. He said he wiped it down with the towel. He said the story is that he was sweating. He said he must have burned 2-300 calories doing that.
Howard asked if Beth is going to carry that EpiPen now. Beth said she will for Robin. Howard said when Robin yells at you it's unbelievable. Beth said that Howard is just annoying. She said he smirks when he says EpiPen.
Howard said Beth went to that wedding and wore a mask. Beth said she did and she was the only one. Howard said he's going to get the new vaccine and start going out. He said he's happy in the house with her. Robin said he's going to be fine. Howard said he didn't do that before the pandemic. He said he didn't enjoy himself.
Howard said now they have to carry the EpiPen with them because of that bee. Beth said she's not sure how to use it. She said she has to watch the video. Robin said she should figure that out before they have to use it. Howard said he will.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who had a hard time with COVID over the summer. King said he was in the hospital. He said he was about to be on a ventilator but he was in intensive care for 4 days. He said he had the vaccine too. He said he had 4 booster shots and he still got it. He said he had double pneumonia. He said he couldn't breathe. He said his daughter gave it to him. He said she went out and got it at a concert. He said she brought it home and he was the one who got sick. He said she was fine but he went to the hospital.
Howard said that's what he's afraid of. He said he doesn't want to end up in the hospital. He said he wants to be one who gets it and doesn't feel anything. Beth said a friend of a friend lost a 7 year old to it. She said she's not sure what happened. She said she would assume that the child was vaccinated knowing who they are.
Howard asked King what he called in about. King said that Beth is in a rebellious stage of the relationship and she's going to do the opposite of what Howard wants her to. He said she has to get rid of that thought. Howard said he has this thought that Beth thinks she's invincible. He said she'll get something and she'll be fine. He said she'll break her foot and she's fine. He said she gets through it. King said it's because Howard tells her to wear the boot. Howard said he doesn't know. He hung up on King.
Howard took a call from a guy who says he's a paramedic. He said that Robin is telling her the truth. He said you can be stung by bees for most of your life and then it's just the one that gets you. He said they had to stop carrying peanuts out in the open because it's so easy for kids to get to them.
Howard thanked that guy for the call and took another call from a woman who said she had the same thing happen to her and she said they should carry the pens around in their car and around the house. She said you have to learn how to use it too. She said don't take the risk. Beth asked if it was very itchy after she got stung. The woman said she wasn't able to move her arm. She said the next time it went into her throat and she didn't know what was happening.
Howard said he hopes that scares her a little bit. Howard said that they were out on a walk and someone new met them and thought that his face had been stung by bees. He said that was a horrible day for him.
Howard said they say that 90,000 people tested positive for COVID yesterday and 550 people died. Howard said no one at the Emmys was wearing a mask. He said the didn't test everyone. Robin said she's not sure what protocols they used but there is a lot of testing going on. Howard said he wants to be part of these things too but he can't do that. Beth said they don't get invited to those events. Howard said he's sorry but he doesn't go out. He said that Beth wanted to go out to the Met ball. He said he just doesn't get invited. Beth said you can go and pay. Howard said he's not going to pay. Beth said she's not going to pay but it's fun to watch the outfits.
Howard said he would like to impress Beth by being able to bring her out. He said he's not going out though. Robin said Howard would have to wear a dress now if he went out. Howard said all the guys are wearing dresses now but that won't happen.
Beth said her new boyfriend wears them all the time. Howard said Beth is into Harry Styles. He said it's all about his music. He said she listens to the radio and she likes his stuff.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Alex Jones. Alex said he's glad he caught her this morning. He said that they want to chip you and control you so don't take the EpiPen. Howard said it's a high risk thing. Alex said it is so that's why you have to prepare and take his products. He did an ad for one of his kooky bullshit products.
Howard asked Alex who ''they'' are when he's talking about them. Alex went into one of his rants about who ''they'' are.
Howard took a call from a woman who said when King of All Blacks comes for Beth he comes for all female fans. She said lay off of Beth. She said she's all for what Howard says about the COVID stuff. She said she has to get out there and live though. Howard said he's with her. He said he does have to come out and live but they've spent 2 years being careful and it feels weird not being careful. He said he's being honest about liking being locked up with Beth in there. The caller asked if this is an excuse or what. Howard said they were going to go on a trip to Italy and he was so glad that COVID came around. Robin said COVID hadn't even hit yet when they canceled. Howard said he wants to go to Italy but he can't do it.
The caller said that she likes when Beth is on and she should be on more. Howard said Beth is going out to eat with her friends. Howard said he's going to get vaccinated and he will go out to eat. He said it's been nice knowing you. Robin said you have to do some investigation and see if they're doing what they need to do. Robin said the write it on the web sties if they're doing stuff to try to help with ventilation and things like that.
Howard said if hospice is listening then book the clarinet player for him. He said he'll be there soon. Howard asked how nice that was. Beth said it was. Howard said he didn't have the heart to tell the guy that his dad hated clarinet.
Howard said he's going to venture out and start doing stuff. Beth said they are going out to see his mom this week. Howard said he was just talking about her. The caller said she's very impressed with that they're taking on. Howard said he's a perfect husband.
Howard told Beth to tell Robin how hard it is to get his mother to do anything. Beth said it's very dark in her room and she tried cracking the blinds just a little bit and Ray told her to close it. Howard said it's pitch black in there. Robin said that's a sign of depression. Beth said it's horrible. Howard said Beth had to buy her a calendar. Beth said she'll be getting it today. Howard said she better hope it's the right size. Beth said she said she will get her a different size if she wants. Howard said she wants it straight ahead from her so she doesn't have to turn her head. Beth said they wanted to put it in the bathroom so she sees it in there. Howard said she can have one on every wall if she wants.
Beth said she shot a North Shore Animal League calendar they're giving away for free with donations to them. She said she's giving one to Ray. Howard said he has to take a break because he has to pish. Beth said she's getting light headed so she has to go too. Howard said she has to sit. Beth said it's too late now. Howard let Beth go.
Howard said he thinks Beth will carry the EpiPen now. Robin said she should. She said if you don't know how to use it that's no good either. Howard said everyone is relying on him to figure things out.
Howard said he has to take a break and do the dead comics summer round up. He said Sal contacts the dead so they'll be speaking to some of the dead comics. He said they'll find out how their summer went. He said they're going to try talking to Sam Kinison, Joan Rivers, Bernie Mac and more. He wrapped up and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said this song kills him. He said some of his songs wreck him. He said this one did it the other night while he was painting. He let the song play for a little bit. He said that's a beautiful lyric. He said this is from Tunnel of Love. He said he did this in his Broadway show and it was beautiful. He said it was Bruce and his wife Patti.
Howard said it must be a great feeling to be able to write a song like this and then sing it. He said you have to have the gift of singing. He said with painting you can teach yourself how to be an artist but with singing you have it or you don't. Robin said she's not sure people can teach themselves to be brilliant painters.
Howard said he wrote two songs in sixth grade and then gave up. He said he did Psychedelic Bee and Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes and that was it.
Howard said King of All Blacks kind of downplayed his summer. He played a clip of King calling in from the hospital when he was in the ICU. He was talking about how tough things were for him.
Howard said King was triple vaxxed and he still got double pneumonia and his lungs filled up with fluid and they had to drain his lungs. He said there you go. Robin said he has diabetes and high blood pressure so that's one of those things you don't want to have when you get COVID.
Howard said he promised to get to this dead comics thing. He said he wants to do a round up of this dead comics thing. He said he missed Norm Macdonald, Bernie Mac, Sam Kinison and Joan Rivers.
Howard said he's going to have a seance now and contact these dead comics. He did a chant to get to them.
The comedians all got on and talked over each other. Howard said he has to calm them down. He said he has to introduce everyone. He said hello to Joan Rivers who wasn't there. Bernie asked where the fuck she is. He said he's been looking all over heaven for her. He said he hasn't seen her all fuckin' morning. Howard said Joan must have forgotten to unmute her equipment.
Howard said hello to Sam Kinison. Sam said he loves being on the show. He said it's nice to take a break from letting the devil fuck him in the ass. Howard said they had three rehearsals for this bit. He said just so you know this has been in prep for a long time. Joan still wasn't there.
Howard talked to fake Norm for a little bit. Norm said it's been rough up there so it's good to be back.
Howard tried Joan again but she still wasn't there. Howard asked Bernie if he had trouble like this on his TV show. Bernie said he has never had anything like this happen in his career. Howard asked the guys to call Melissa Rivers to fill in for her mother. Howard said how about he does another set of commercials and maybe they can fix this. Sam said maybe she's getting another face lift. Howard said he's going to do a bunch of commercials and try this again. He went into some live reads and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about how great Amy Winehouse was. He said there's a lot of clips online of her and she really was a throwback kind of act. Howard tried to sing like her bit it didn't work out very well.
Howard got back to the dead comics bit and tried to get them all back on. He still didn't have Joan on. She chimed in a few seconds later. She said she was just talking to the queen and she wouldn't shut the fuck up.
Howard said he wanted to start with Joan since she's a woman. Fake Joan did her thing and told Howard her pussy is so dry she can't get wet without a fraking break. She told Howard she's still getting plastic surgery and her eyes are so tight she was offered a job at an Asian rub and tug.
Howard moved on to Sam Kinison and said hello to him and then Bernie Mac. Howard spent a little bit of time with Bernie and moved on to Norm Macdonald. He said a few words to Norm about how much they miss him.
Howard said he has to ask each of them what it's like to be dead. Joan said she's surrounded by men who don't want to fuck her so it's just like being alive. Sam said being dead sucks and you can't even enjoy cocaine because when you snort it the stuff flies out the back of your head. Bernie said he's dead but his stamina is still great. He told a joke in there somewhere. Norm said that death is okay except for the part where you know you've been eaten by worms.
Howard asked the guys if they heard about Will Smith apologizing. Norm asked if it was for Men In Black 3. Howard said it was for the Chris Rock thing. Joan had a joke about that.
Norm said he heard about Roe V Wade being overturned. He said now they don't have any dead kids to go to the Chuck-E-Cheese up there.
Howard went through some other news stories and the dead comics were joking about all of that stuff. Howard asked if they heard about Salman Rushdie. Norm said he thinks that a stabbing is probably considered a bad review.
Howard asked the guys about what they thought of the FBI raiding Mar-A-Lago for the missing documents. Bernie said Trump gets away with every fucking thing. He said if Obama took one ashtray he would have been arrested.
Howard asked about Rebel Wilson announcing she's a lesbian. Joan said good for her but she didn't come out of the closet, she came out of the kitchen. She said she's so fat she won't eat pussy unless it comes with a side of fries. Howard said she's skinny now. Joan said it's much easier when you can spread a woman's thighs. Sam and Joan went back and forth roasting each other a bit. I think they dumped out of a joke Joan told about Sam Kinison.
Howard had the comedians roasting each other and they talked over each other a bit before they calmed down and started telling jokes about each other. There was a lot of talking over each other going on.
Howard said this has been amazing but he has to let them get back to their afterlives. Sam asked if Howard can't handle them. He said he's become such a pussy that Beth is considering adopting him. Joan got in a joke about Howard's nose. She said he's the worst thing to hit the air since United 93. She said Howard looks like Slender Man fucked a troll doll.
Bernie got in some jokes about Howard's hair and how he looks like some shit his kid made up with pipe cleaners for arts and crafts.
Norm said Howard looks fucking terrible. He said she's seen Jell-O with more bone structure. Sam said Howard is all hunched over because he spent 60 years trying to find his dick.
Howard said he has a pulse so he has something they don't. Bernie said that's fucked up. They all started talking over each other so Howard let them all go.
Howard asked Bobo Puppet to keep going until 10 with these questions. He let Bobo Puppet and Bobo go a short time later.
Howard played some messages that Bigfoot left for Wolfie over the summer. He had Bigfoot calling and complaining about what's been happening at this group home. He had people walking into his room half naked and upsetting him. He said he's not being invited into that stuff. He said he needs money too or he's not going to call into the show anymore.
Howard asked Wolfie if he sent Bigfoot money. Wolfie said if you help him out it's like feeding pigeons. He said he'll ask for money constantly if you do that. He said he's very upset about the people having sex in the group home and not inviting him. He said some girl walked into his room and showed her muff and then ran out.
Howard said Bigfoot is also broke off his engagement to Melody. Robin said she knew that was going to happen. Howard said he calls her Melanie and her name is Melody. Robin said it may not work out if you don't know her name. Howard played some audio of Bigfoot talking about getting Scabies from ''Melanie.'' He said he had to go to the hospital after that. He said he's had scabies quite a few times. He said there's no fucking way he's marrying her now. Wolfie said he thought they were soul mates.
Howard said he's not sure what scabies even is. He said Bigfoot must be 80 percent Scabies at this point.
Howard said now he has some Tan Mom stuff. He said she had a bunch of trouble this summer. Robin said she thought things were looking up for her. Howard said she was in the hospital a bit. Howard played some audio of Tan Mom talking about how she was in the hospital for four days and she has pancreas stones in her gall bladder. She said she has gall bladder issues. She said they think it went through. She was calling it a ''gold bladder.''
Howard said that makes no sense to him. Robin said she has no idea what she's saying. Howard said Tan Mom found love over the summer but it was short lived. Howard played a clip where Tan Mom talked about that. She said that she was happy at first but then it turned out to be another lie. She said she postponed everything. She said she thinks it was all about her money. Wolfie said he thinks she may have been getting catfished.
Howard played some audio of Tan Mom talking about how this guy had a French accent and how he was talking to her. She said that it was all very ''dramatical.''
Howard asked if Wolfie told her that he felt she was being catfished. Wolfe said he and Memet both told her that. Howard played another clip where Tan Mom was talking about what was going on with this guy and how this was a summer of heartbreak for her. Howard asked if she ever met him in person. Wolfie said that's kind of unclear. He said that she says she had this guy over at her house and the kids were freaked out by him. Howard asked if Wolfie goes crazy when he talks to her. Wolfie said it is pretty crazy. He said it's constant and always chaos.
Howard said Rooster called them yesterday about this gun thing. He said they called the police department and they said that what Rooster said all checked out. He said he did disarm the guy and he was a hero. Robin said they have to take his word for it then. Howard said a lot of people asked about it.
Wolfie said that he disarmed the guy who was bleeding out. Howard read some feedback about Rooster. He said people thought the story was bullshit but they called to find out about this story and it turns out it's true. Wolfie said he was the one who called and got the information. Howard said the story sounded crazy to him but it turns out it was true.
Howard got to Jeff the Drunk who slipped and fell and may have broken his dead arm. Howard played a clip of Jeff talking about how he may have broken his arm because it clicks when he moves it. He said that he wants to get it chopped off anyway. Howard asked if you put it in a cast or leave it. Robin said if it was a displaced break then they'd have to do something with it. She said it sounds like nothing is wrong with his arm.
Howard said they also got an update about Jeff being thrown off Twitter for saying something about Trump. Howard said he said he should die like a dog and he got thrown off.
Howard took a call from Jeff and asked if he's back on Twitter now. Jeff said he's back on now. He said he was only off for a week. He said they threw him off and they do that on Instagram too. He said they threw him off for posting stuff about Trump and he doesn't know why. He said he gets the die like a dog thing but other stuff he posts he doesn't understand. Howard said well said. He didn't understand what he was saying.
Wolfie said his mom gets thrown off of those things too for saying stuff that she shouldn't say. Howard said that has to be embarrassing. Wolfie said it is. He said she says stuff about Biden and conspiracy theories. He said people think she's crazy and worry about her. He said they think that it's good when they get kicked off because they think they're getting important information out there. Howard said he doesn't get it with the conspiracy theories. He said there's no evidence out there for this stuff but they put it out there.
Howard asked Wolfie what the craziest thing his mom believes is. Wolfie said he has her hidden. He said the biggest thing is that Michelle Obama is a man. He said she sent him pictures of her crotch with a bulge in it. Howard asked if that's the craziest thing. He said she has two kids so how does that happen. Robin said these people live in an alternate world.
Howard asked Wolfie if he tries to talk to his mom about this stuff and tell her this isn't right. Wolfie said she'll tell him he has his head in the sand. Robin said they think all of this stuff is some big farce and that's what's being covered up. Howard said this is why we're doomed. He said these people don't believe any of our institutions. Robin said they're involved with it. Howard said the basic institution of an election they don't believe in. He said Trump claims he was cheated out of the election and these people believe him. Jeff said it's re-god-damn-diculous.
Howard said he has some audio of fake Alex Jones interviewing Wolfie's mom. He played a clip of Wolfie's mom talking some crazy shit with fake Alex.
Howard said this country has gone full on wacky. He said the republicans are still buying into it.
Howard took a call from fake Michelle Obama who was saying that her balls itch. One of the staffers was playing the part of manly Michelle. She said she has a 7 inch clit so don't stare at it too much when she comes down there. Howard said he loves her and he wishes Obama was still president. Howard said he likes Biden too. Fake Michelle banged her pussy on the phone to prove that she has one.
Howard said he talked about Jeff, Tan Mom and King of All Blacks. He said that's it for Summer Bummers.
Howard said he forgot about High Pitch Erik. He said he had COVID too. He said it didn't bother him in the least. Howard played some audio of Erik talking to Sal about getting COVID but he has no symptoms. He said he's still going out even though he tested positive. He said he was going out to get his cigars even though he's got it. Sal kept telling him to stay home but Erik refused. He said he'll wear two face masks. Robin said he's not wearing any masks. Howard said when Erik gets COVID and has no symptoms that's not fair. Robin said life isn't fair in any way. Howard said he thinks life should be fair. Robin asked when he has seen life be fair. Howard said how about Sal being the voice of reason.
Howard said he'll get that out and take a call in the meantime. He took a call from a guy who said that he heard that Kelly Clarkson is taking over for Ellen's slot. He said she can't stand her. He said he thinks they need to stop with the free giveaway stuff. Howard said these are shows that people sit around watching. He said that there was this Virginia Graham who did the first afternoon talk show. He said it was a woman talking to other women. Howard said you don't see the big ratings like they used to get. He said it's hard to get that but it's very lucrative to do a show like that. He said it doesn't cost a lot to do them and they make some good money. Howard said Kelly is getting Ellen's syndicated time slot. He said that Ellen got big ratings for daytime. He said it generated a lot of money for the local stations. The caller said Ellen was funny though.
Howard said Kelly Clarkson is filling a need. He said it's not his type of show but you see what kind of show he does. He said he has no problem with her. He said it's a type of programming and she's good at it. He said he had her on the phone when she started her talk show. He said they throw a lot of them at the wall and see what sticks.
Howard said he thinks Nick Cannon is a great guy but he has no idea what he's up to. He said he's not going to tell him to stop having kids. He said maybe when he gets to 30 or 40. He said he's got 10 now. Howard said he has a friend who texts him when Nick is going to have another kid and they talk about it. He said they both can't figure it out.
Howard said Nick has a good physique. Robin said you can procreate yourself right into poverty. Howard said he's seen it happen. Robin said she has too. Howard said he thinks Nick is hung like a mule. He said he might have 9 inches or something. He said he's so jealous of that. He said he has the world by the balls. Robin said Alec Baldwin keeps having kids with the same woman. Howard said Nick attracts women like meat attracts flies. He said that what was going on in his trailer with Nick was wild. He said he had all kinds of hot chicks in his trailer. He said he had one hot chick after another. He said that he thought maybe he was gay when he married Mariah Carrey. He said he didn't even fuck her first. He said he didn't know what his story was. He said he loves to fuck and fuck without a rubber. He said he wants the full throttle experience. Howard said Nick is about to have his 10th child.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to stop with the dick envy. He said he has 6 inches and that's fine. Howard said he went to take a pee during the show and he has to wait for something to flop out of his pants and it doesn't happen. He said he has a nubbin. He said nothing flops. He said it's disappointing. He said it's not a good look.
Chris Wilding said he has seen leaked pictures of Nick's penis and it's massive. He said that's a dick that would flop. He said he wishes he were gay because it's an incredible hunk of meat.
Howard said he called Nick about something when he was still at America's Got Talent. He said that Nick told him he wasn't going to shut up and he didn't care if they let him go. Howard said he told Nick to just sit back and stay with the show. He said Nick knew he'd get another job. He said he left the show and he went out and developed The Masked Singer. He said the show is a huge show. He said Nick just did it. Chris said he has big dick energy. He said it works for him. Howard told Chris to calm down over there.
Howard said James died and also Wolfgang Peterson. Howard said that one of them turned down the chance to work on Superman. Robin had to guess which one. Robin said she thinks James Caan. Howard said he was offered the role of Superman. He had some audio of James talking about that on their show years ago.
Howard said Paul Sorvino and Tony Sirico died over the summer. He said that Tony was arrested 28 times in his life. Howard said that he also played Pauly Walnuts on The Sopranos. Howard played some audio of Tony in The Sopranos.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he has to talk about the women in Nick Cannon's dressing room. He said they were stunning. He said they weren't 10s, they were 12s. He said they just came to visit him and it was like a night club in that trailer. He said he was there when Howard was there. Howard said those chicks would not pay attention to him at all. He said maybe it was because he was the white guy in the room. He said he tried to be friendly to them but they didn't do anything but stare. He said he'd ask a question and they wouldn't answer. He said he wanted to come home to Beth and tell her to just direct her conversation at him and no one else. Ralph said she's too friendly to other people. Howard said he felt invisible with chicks like that. He said it was like that in school.
Howard said these girls were hot. Ralph said Nick used to have 3 cell phones. Howard said he explained it to him too. He said he had one phone for people like him and then he had a phone for chicks he was seeing and then he had one for real important hot chicks. Howard said you knew how important you were by which phone number you got. Ralph said he was so good at hosting the show too. He said he had that going on and the girls in his trailer. Howard said it was like a Marx Bothers movie. He said it was awesome. Ralph said it was a sight.
Howard let Ralph go and said he's just going to say who died. He said Mikhail Gorbachev died. He said he had no idea he was still alive. He said Ivana Trump died. He said she fell down the stairs in her apartment. Howard asked which one of them was in a Pizza Hut commercial in the 90s. Robin guessed it was Gorbachev. Howard said they both did actually. He said that was a trick question. He played the audio of Ivana and Donald in their Pizza Hut commercial.
Howard said Olivia Newton John died over the summer. He said Anne Heche died too. He asked which started out as a country singer. Robin said she would say it was Anne. Howard said it was actually Olivia. He said she sang and won a Grammy in 1974. He said it was a country song. He played some of that song. He said he digs that guy singing in the background.
Howard said Larry Storch died too. He said he was sad to see that. He said Vin Scully died at 94. He said Larry was 99. He said he was his dad's age. Howard said Larry was an amazing guy. He said he saw him work at his father's recoding studio when he was a kid. He said Larry did some voices for cartoons there. He said fuck the game and just played a clip of Larry doing a cartoon voice. Howard said it was a thrill to meet those guys as a kid. He said his father respected those guys.
Howard said Nichelle Nichols died this summer too. He said Tony Dow died of liver cancer. Howard asked Robin which one of those released a synth-jazz EP. Robin said it had to be Nichelle. Howard said of course it was. He played a little bit of one of her songs.
Howard said there was a point when every celebrity put out an album. He said Leonard Nimoy came out with an album where he sang. He said he was like a folk singer. He said there were a ton of people who put out albums that were all bad. He said the music business was so flush with music that they figured they'd throw anything at the wall. Robin said David Soul put out an album. So did Shelly Fabares. The guys played some of Shelly's song.
Howard said it's time to get out of there. He said they did enough show. He read a little fan feedback about the stuff they did on yesterday's show. He had feedback about Rosie O'Donnell's interview and the stories from Robin about the Pearl Jam concert.
Howard said a lot of fans think there's an attraction between Robin and Eddie Vedder. Robin said they just admire each other. Howard read more feedback about all of that. Howard said some people think Gary is hoarding tickets from listeners for the concerts that Sirius has. Gary said he has nothing to do with the tickets. He said there were lots of people from Sirius there.
Gary said he found out Clint Eastwood had an album out in the 60s. He said Steven Seagal did too.
Howard said on Friday they have the Pearl Jam concert airing on Howard 101. He said that's at 5 eastern and pacific. He said he's sure people will enjoy that. Howard said they mentioned that Gary and Robin were there in a Stereogum article. He said they called Gary by Baba Booey and not by his real name. Howard said Gary's son Lucas was there too.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard said he watched the rest of the Emmys last night. He said he saw the Jimmy Kimmel thing. He said he saw the bit and no one was upset about it. He said it was very cute. He said he told Jimmy a million times to stop going to the Emmys. He said it's so lame. He said it's douche chill moments one after another. He said he has to stop trying to entertain people who are congratulating each other. He said they tried to do a bit and now he's getting blasted for committing to the bit. He said the woman who he was laying there for was very kind to him.
Howard said he was watching the show last night. He said he forgets what he was trying to say there. He said he forgets where he's leading. He said he enjoys being in his home and painting.
Robin said he would want all of his interactions to be on TV. Howard said yes. He said he told his therapist he misses seeing him in person and he said they can make that happen. Howard said he doesn't want to leave his house though. He said if he had a problem he would do something about it. He said he has no problem staying in the house. He said he has everything there he wants. He said he has his wife and his painting and all of that. He said he just wants to eat, bang and paint.
Howard said his wife is pushing him to get back out and start going out to eat. He said she wants him to eat in a restaurant. He said now he has to roll the dice and possibly get COVID.
Howard said Jimmy didn't do anything wrong at the Emmys. He said he tried calling him but he wasn't able to get him. He said he wanted to tell him to say fuck these people. He said just do your thing and not worry about it. He said he didn't pick up so maybe he's upset about the whole thing. He said he saw Bill Hader who was at the Emmys. He said he hasn't seen Barry but it must be good if he's in it. He said he watches a lot of things and he has the taste of a young girl. He said there's a show on Netflix about a girl who gets hot one summer and that's the kind of thing he wants to watch. Robin said she saw Joey King is doing another movie. She said she knows Howard likes those. She said she's the girl in the high school. Howard said she's in The Kissing Booth. Robin said now she's the girl you want to see hooking up with someone in a movie. Howard said he would have had a crush on her in college but she never would have looked at him. Robin said you don't know that. Howard said he knows.
Howard said he hasn't been watching a lot of shows. He said he's just getting back into Virgin River. He said he has been into that a long time. Robin wondered about him seeing this Princess movie Joey is in. Howard said he hasn't seen that one. He said he does like Morbius. Robin said she thought it was terrible. Howard said it was good. He said he likes Jarred Leto. He said he was in Justice League as The Joker too. Robin got confused about DC and Marvel stuff and didn't know that the Joker was a DC thing.
Howard said he was up early during vacation. He said he was reveling in the time off. He said he never went swimming. He said he went to the dermatologist. He said he had cancer removed. He said he called Robin immediately about that. He said he told her he was a fellow survivor. He said he can relate to what she's gone through.
Howard said this was a little dot on his back he got rid of. He said he was told they can do a burn and scrape or a Moes surgery. He said it's where they can take it all out and do a surgery. He said that sounds like the right way to go but he went with the scrape. He said it wasn't healing and he wasn't able to go swimming the whole summer.
Howard said he doesn't like to get the sun on his face. He said when he was a kid he never put any lotion on. He said of course he's going to have shit on his back now. He said he never had lotion. He said they'd run around on the beach without anything covering them up.
Howard said the scab was stuck on his back because of a hair. He said he had to go back for that. He said that all took up his time this summer. He said he was so busy with the scab the whole time.
Howard said he got into painting again this summer. He said he has a real appreciation for this Gary Clark Jr. He said he heard him doing a cover of Jimi Hendrix's ''Third Stone From the Sun'' and that's a weird one to chose. He said he loves the whole album but this isn't the song you'd pick to cover. He said you'd cover any other song on that album. He said Gary has this 9 minute version of that song and the original was like 6 minutes long. Howard said what Gary did was take the music from that song and made a song of his own out of it. He said that's a really cool thing to do. He said he's thought about how cool that would be to do and this song is 9 minutes long. He said he's not going to play the whole thing but here it is. He played some of the song. He said this guy is still rocking. He said he should have a bigger following than he does. Robin said he has a following.
Howard asked how good this is. He said he interviewed this guy and he's very mellow. He said he's not sure if he's high or what. Robin said she went to see a show and he told her to come by. She said she wasn't going to be able to stay up after a show.
Howard said if you listen to this whole song you hear the song he made up. He said he starts singing something else. He fast forwarded through it to find him singing. Howard said it will take forever. He got to the point where Gary sings his own thing. Howard said this is the same song. He said you'd never know it.
Howard said it's fucking brilliant. He said he would have been good for Robin if he wasn't married. Robin said this man wouldn't have been good for her. Howard asked if you become Robin Clark Jr.? He said he saw Robert Downey Jr. over the summer and he wonders if his wife is a Junior or just a Downey. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said he'd have to check on that. Robin said there's this King Charles now and the Queen Consort. Howard said that took him by surprise. Howard said there's a dog food named King Charles. He said he laughs when he hears about King Charles.
Howard said the guys wrote to him and said that Robert Downey Jr.'s wife is not a junior. He said he may have called her Susan Downey Jr. He said he's one of the few people he saw over the summer. He said he went through testing and he let him in the house. He said he tested him two times before letting him in. He said his wife is a doll. He said they have a very tight relationship. He said there are others who come over and they're not that tight.
Robin asked about this Tom Brady and Gisele thing. Howard said it's fucking crazy. He said she's not denying it either. He said that Robin is available if he needs someone.
Howard said the other song that was driving him crazy was this School of Fish song called ''3 Strange Days.'' Howard said he's not sure how they don't have more hit songs. Robin said they're a one hit wonder. Howard said he's not sure how that happens. He said this song is perfect. Howard said what a song. He said he starts painting like a madman when that song comes on.
Howard said he was thinking about ZZ Top too. He said they were playing their stuff on the app and he was watching Dusty play. He said he's gone now. He said the whole band is great. He said he was watching them when they were on their show and they were so great. He played some of their stuff. Howard said you should check out their stuff on the app. He said this is so good.
Howard said Dusty is gone and the world just goes on. Robin said the queen is gone too and the world goes on. Howard said the queen was born into that and Dusty worked his ass off for what he had. Robin said you can't just stop. She said you have to move on.
Howard said he was painting away over the summer and Beth hates what he listens to. He said she's into soft rock and stuff. He said he has to change what he's listening to if she comes into the room.
Howard said he was listening to this cover version of Raspberry Beret by the Hindu Love Gods. He said he was listening to it and thought it was really good. He played some of the song for Robin. He said he's listening to it and thinking about how good it is. He said he wanted to turn people on to it. He said it sounds like Warren Zevon singing. He said it sounds so good and he wanted to look into it. He said it turns out it is Warren Zevon who got together with the members of REM. He said he's not sure how he missed that whole thing. Robin said he must have missed a lot of music. Howard said that's what Meg Griffin used to say about him.
Howard said this made him think that this was the reincarnation of Warren Zevon and it turns out it is Warren. He said they did a bunch of songs apparently. Howard said he didn't discover anything. He said he was going to sign these fuckers.
Howard said he had another thought about music over the summer. He said he was thinking about Ozzy Osbourne. He said that song ''Changes'' that he does is so good. He said Ozzy is so good. He said he gets cuckoo over that song. He said Beth yells at him over stuff like that. He said he gets all moody. He played some of that song too.
Howard said it's hard to believe that Ozzy can sing that well. He said this is really good. He said here we go. Ozzy starts singing about going through changes and Howard said that gets him. Robin said it gets her too.
Howard said right after your father dies play this. He said it made him feel something. He said he spent most of his life pushing away emotion. Robin said he must know it's there then. Howard said he doesn't even know it. Howard said he's pushing and getting emotional hemorrhoids.
Howard said he also found this band called A Short Walk to Pluto. He said they cover a lot of songs. He said he listened to some of their original music and he likes their covers better. He played some of their covers. He said it's really good.
Howard said he's not sure who they are but they must be a cover band. He said they have their own music though. Howard said don't tell him this is also Warren Zevon or he'll smash his head into a wall.
Howard said they're pretty good. He said maybe they have some good original tunes. He said the female singer is very good. He said he's looking into that for his research for the show.
Howard said he tells Beth that's what he's doing when he listens to music. He said he has to do work and meanwhile he's painting and listening to music.
Howard said he's still digging the Tom Morello show on Lithium. He said that guy is good. He said that motherfucker plays good music. He said every show he does is an hour long. He let out a belch during that. He made fun of himself for that. Howard said what Tom does is dedicate a song to Chris Cornell every time. Howard said he misses that guy too. He said Chris is so good. He played the song ''Mailman'' that Soundgarden did. Howard said he doesn't believe that guy killed himself. He said he isn't a conspiracy guy but he was too talented and too good looking. He said he just can't accept it. Robin said that you don't know what reality people are living. Howard said that guy had too much to live for.
Howard said he has to get in touch with Chris Cornell. He said he wants to talk to someone. He asked if Sal can get in touch with him. He said maybe he can do that next time he floats in the sky. Howard said if Fred ever dies he's going to keep his memory alive like that.
Howard said he also saw that over the summer they had the radio hall of fame inductees named. Howard said Mad Dog Russo wanted to be in it and he finally got his wish. He said he's not sure if he's in yet but he was chosen to be in. He said he knows that will make his day. He said Broadway Bill Lee got in too. He said he was happy to see that.
Howard said radio doesn't respect itself. He said he brought something to radio. He said he brought his own name. He said they had people like Alison Steel and people like that in the business. He said they worked with Dead Air Dave. He said you don't hear names like that anywhere else. Robin said they do in the mob.
Howard read about this Eddie Haskell guy and what he did at this station. Howard said they refer to the guy as Eddie Haskell. Howard said they have to get this guy on the air.
Howard said the radio hall of fame induction ceremony is on October 1st in Chicago. He said tickets are $600 each. He said Mad Dog is going to have to go out there to get his award. Robin asked if he has to buy a whole table. Howard said it is radio. He said he has to pony up $7200 for the table.
Howard wondered if he got an actual award for that hall of fame thing. He said maybe he should embrace it and put it on his shelf. Robin said there may be a certificate. Howard said that's lame. He said he's not sure if he would show that to people or put it away.
Robin said she was looking at Jennifer Hudson in a picture and she had her Grammys, Emmy and Academy Award sitting there on her piano. Robin said she's not sure how to feel about that.
Howard said go on NFL and look at it. He asked Benjy to show the cap he has that he jerked off on. He said that's Richard's cap. Benjy showed the cap to the camera. Benjy did it and Howard said that's what these hats look like. He said it's worth looking at.
Howard said Mad Dog said on his radio show that he'll be buying a few tables at the radio hall of fame thing. He said that's the only way they can make money with that thing. He said no one is going to donate to that place unless they get in. He said Mad Dog is so excited about getting in.
Howard asked Jason if he knows if he got something from the hall of fame that he can put on a book shelf. Gary said that they can't confirm that. He said he doesn't remember seeing the award. Robin said she doesn't remember seeing one either. Howard said they may have not sent anything because he had such a bad attitude about the whole thing.
Howard saw the hall of fame award and he kind of liked the way it looked. He said he thinks he might want that. He said it's very cool. He said it actually looks like it would fall apart.
Howard said he got a Blockbuster award for Private Parts. He said the whole thing fell apart. He said he's kind of proud of that one. He said it was a bit stone statue with a glass circle that fell out about a year in. He said he did save that. He said it was meaningful to him. He said he got it for his acting. He said they told him he was going to win so he showed up to get the award. He said he wasn't going to go if he didn't win.
Howard said they put that on TV. He said he was asked who he wanted to give him the award. He said he wanted Heather Locklear to present it. He said he did a dumb thing with that. He said he called Heather up and asked her to give it to him. He said she said yes and he told her he was going to put her on the floor and make love to her. He said she thought it was hysterical. She wanted him to come over and rehearse. He said he didn't go over. He said something could have happened maybe. He said she had friends coming over and they were all going to be in lingerie watching TV. He said he should have gone over. Robin asked if he was married at the time. Howard said he was and that might have been the problem. He said he was a pretty faithful guy. He said it was a fantasy though. He said she was a beauty. He said he remembers hanging out with her back stage at a Bon Jovi concert. He said Ritchie Sambora was married to her at the time. He said he had a nice time with her. He said they had a nice chemistry. He said that's on his part. He said he felt chemistry.
The caller also sang a little ZZ Top for him. Howard said Billy Gibbons is one of the best guitar players in the world. The caller said they really are great. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard said he was listening to the show over the summer and it was quality. He said he liked what he was hearing. He said he was listening to the stuff over the summer in his car and it was funny. He said he was laughing. He said you hear Fred play something and you start laughing. Fred played some drops for him.
Howard said he got some nice fan feedback about the Rosie O'Donnell interview on Monday. He read through some of that. He said people appreciate her honesty.
Howard mentioned that his kids made him go see Rent on Broadway. He said that he hated that. He said he did like Hair though. He said he went to see that as a kid. He said he was so afraid that his father was going to get a boner during that. Howard said he used to go out to games with his father and he would complain about him not knowing how to do the right things there. He said he was a puppeteer and he was asked to go out on tour with a group but he turned that down. Robin said he never said that before. Howard said he has to paint himself as a loser so he doesn't mention that. Howard said this guy Bill Baird was a great puppeteer who used to put on a great show. He said his fantasy was to go see this show. He said his mother got tickets but she couldn't go. He said his dad had to take him. He said thank god he enjoyed it. He said he was shaking the whole time like Waldo in the Hot for Teacher video.
Howard said his mom wasn't able to go and his dad was forced to take him to a movie and he took him to see Barberella. He said he thought he was going to kill himself with his dad there. He said that they went from doing nothing together to almost beating off together. He said after they got in the car it was very quiet. He said his dad never talked to him in the car. He said he would put the radio on with Bob Grant or Bernard Meltzer. He said if he wanted to ask something his dad would tell him to shut up.
Howard said his dad took him to see Bob Grant at a temple. He said he did a speaking engagement there. He said he was always defending Israel. He said he was broadcasting in New York so that was a good idea.
Howard said his dad liked Bob Grant. He said he wanted to be like Bob Grant so his dad would listen to him. He said that's why he got into radio.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he remembers that Heather Locklear thing. He said he begged him to go. Howard said he did. Ralph said he was out in L.A. and he didn't go over there. He said he had to work in the morning and he told him that story and he wanted to go with him. He said he was like ''Lets go!'' Howard said his work ethic is very strong and he can't do that. He said he had a radio show to do in the morning. He said Ralph had nothing to do. He said he had a show to do.
Howard said he was asking where Ritchie Sambora was. He said he was out and Heather was wearing a negligee. He said she wanted to rehears making out with him. He said he didn't go. He said that shows his level of dedication to the show.
Ralph said it was something about work that kept him from going. He said Howard could have gone. Howard said he can't go hang out with a naked Heather Locklear because he had to do something with E! He said he has passed up a lot of opportunities in his life. He said he had the feeling she wanted to do something. He said he's not sure what was going to happen.
Howard said he remembers that. He said he's glad he didn't go. He said it wouldn't have been good. He said who knows what would have happened.
Howard thanked Ralph for the call. He said he asked him if it's okay to still do the Ben Stern ''thank you'' thing. He said he thinks that's fine. He said he thinks his dad would be fine with that.
Ralph said he has a story about Ben. He said he went to some show that his kids were doing and his mom and dad were there. He said he asked him to do his imitation of his father for him and he said no. He said he felt uncomfortable doing it. He said he eventually did it and he thought Ben was going to hit him over that. Howard said he's sure his father thought Ralph was dopey. He said he did insist that he do that impression for him. Ralph said he set him up for disaster.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say that he thinks he shouldn't criticize himself so much. He said he has done so much in his life that people just can't do. He said a lot of his friends think he's vulgar but they should have a an award for the most prolific interviewer out there. He said he's just so good. Howard said he should get on that and get them to make that award for him. Howard said when he does win that he wants Will Arnett and Jimmy to come out and do a bit. He said he won't be offended.
Howard said that guy said the word ''prolifant'' instead of prolific. He said it's kind of a bummer when it comes to someone saying something nice to him.
Howard read some feedback and read some stuff about Sheryl Lee Ralph. He said people told him not to make fun of her for singing at the Emmys. Howard said you see a lot of stuff like that with people who do theater work. He said they have to show that they're free with their emotions and they are willing to do anything. He said he's not sure if that's a real song. Robin said she thinks it's a real song. She said the song is a Diana Reeves song. She said she's never heard it until now. Howard said he's thinking of covering the song.
Robin said she learned yesterday that Gary knows that whole Ralph family. Howard wondered if Ralph is related to the Ralph family. Howard said he's not sure what that song means. Robin said that Gary went to school with Sheryl. Howard said she's from Uniondale. Gary said he played football with her brother.
Howard asked if Sheryl was in his grade. Gary said she was in his brother's grade. He said he thinks she's 4 years older than him.
Howard said he would have loved to have dated a black woman. He said he tried back then but it didn't happen. He said that times were different.
Howard asked Gary if he dated any black women back then. Gary said no. He said he liked this girl a lot who was half black and half Japanese. He said her dad wouldn't let boys over. He said he wanted to come over.
Howard said Natalie is obsessed with Gary. Gary said he's very well aware of that. Howard said Gary went away to Portugal with his wife. He said he gets annoyed with him when he does that stuff. He said he does so much where he's not working and it annoys him. Gary said these are legitimate things. He said if he took 2 weeks off when the show was on he'd have every right to be annoyed.
Howard played a bit the guys put together about Gary's vacation. They had Gary telling stories about going to the Azores and what the food was like there. He talked a lot about the food in that bit. He talked about drinking too.
Howard asked Robin if that annoys her like it does him. Robin said not really. Howard said he just thinks about Gary munching his way through Portugal like Pac-Man. He said he's a consumer. He said he knows people get annoyed by this stuff. Howard asked the guys why he's so annoyed. He said he knows people are going to write in about this but he gets annoyed. He said he's not sure why.
Gary said he thinks everything he does annoys him. He said they've been together too long. Howard asked if he's resigning. Gary said too long for Howard, not for him.
Jason said that this is about the freedom. He said he's out gallivanting around. Gary said Jason was out over the summer doing that kind of thing too. Howard said Jason is working his ass off in his mind. He said he thinks he should take a day off here and there. He said Gary is out at Pearl Jam shows and stuff. Gary said Jason is doing stuff in his time off too. Howard said he thinks Jason is working hard and Gary should be working harder. He said to him Jason never chills. He said with Gary he feels like he should just do an hour of work to disguise that he's chilling every minute. Jason said it's a perceptual thing. Howard said he feels like Gary's life is mostly vacation and with Jason it's different.
Howard asked if Gary is working that hard. Jason said he's not in the office every day so he doesn't know. He said he knows he's working from 5am to 5pm but he's not sure what Gary is doing. Gary said he and Mary were watching TV and he got on a phone call for a half hour trying to set up a guest. He said he works. Howard said he has the perception that he's not working hard. He said maybe he should work on changing his perception of what he's doing. He said he's glad he had a nice anniversary. Gary said it was their 30th.
Fred did the Gary Puppet thing and goofed on him about being called ''macaco'' while he was in Portugal. He said he found out that means monkey down there.
Gary said he was in Portugal and a woman tried talking to him in Portuguese. He said then in the city he got in an accident and the guy said ''You greasy mother fuckers are all the same...'' He said he wondered what kind of greasy guy he thought he was.
Howard said he loved the time that Gary was mistaken for a Chilean miner survivor when he was on a show. Howard said the guys went on the street and asked what ethnicity they thought Gary was. He played a clip of a bunch of people guessing what he was.
Howard said after 9/11 Gary got stopped a lot. Gary said he did get pulled aside at the airport a lot. He said he was asked to change lines. He said that they do look at you a little closer. Howard said he looked suspicious. Howard said they weren't sure what he had done but he did look guilty.
Howard said they have a lot to get to this morning but they got to none of it. Howard said on Friday they're airing the Pearl Jam concert on Howard 101. He said that's at 5pm. He said next week they have a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert. He said Jon Hamm will be on Monday's show. Robin said she wondered why he wasn't on the show. Howard said he saw him doing this Between Two Ferns movie with Zach Galifianakis and that was really good. Robin said she loves to look at Jon Hamm. She said Howard never watched Mad Men. Howard said he didn't. He said Jon will be there to talk about everything he's up to.
Howard said Jon is Fletch now. He said that's what he's up to. He said Imagine Dragons will be in next week too. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and gave some history about the band Incubus. He sang along with the song a bit too. He said this was the last song written for the album. He gave some history on the song.
Howard said he wants to finish the fan mail. He read through some feedback about the Emmys talk they had. Howard read more complaints about him making fun of Sheryl Lee Ralph. He asked Robin if she can cover that song. Robin said she doesn't know it very well yet. She said she should be able to do it. Howard said they have to rush her into the studio to get her to do that.
Howard said people wrote in about the dead comics summer round up. Howard said a lot of the listeners loved hearing from the dead comics. He said some people like them dead better than when they were alive. He read a few notes from fans about that bit.
Howard read some feedback about the conversation he had with Beth about the EpiPen. He read a note from someone who had a similar reaction to a bee sting that Beth had.
Howard said he has an update on the EpiPen thing. He said he went up and thanked Beth for coming on the air. He said they went on their walk and Beth didn't bring her EpiPen. He said she told Robin she would. He said she hates the way he says EpiPen. He said it drives her nuts. He said he'll carry it if she won't. He said Beth lied about carrying it.
Robin asked what he's going to do if she can't breathe after getting stung. Howard said he can't carry the thing if he has no pockets. He said she wears jean shorts. Robin said those pockets aren't that secure. Howard said he sees the have cases for those pens. He said Beth won't do it. He said she wants to look hot. Howard said he wears a giant cap on his head when he walks. He said he's not going to wear anything else to carry an EpiPen.
Howard read feedback about the James Caan story they told yesterday about him turning down the role in Superman. Howard said he has turned down roles that he's not upset about turning down. He said he turned down a role and the guy who took it did a great job with it. He said he doesn't regret it at all. Howard said he would act again if he felt a role was right for him.
Howard read some feedback about Nichelle Nichols passing away and the music they played yesterday. Howard played some Leonard Nimoy music that they dug up. He had some Nichelle Nichols stuff they played yesterday too.
Howard said they played clips of the Wack Pack's horrible summer. Howard read some comments from the fans about that. They had some feedback about the Bigfoot story, Jeff the Drunk and King of All Blacks.
Howard said he would also like to know if Trent would go to strip clubs and tell them they were his girlfriends there or what. He said he was in a club once and all the girls were saying they were his girlfriend.
The caller asked if he has seen this show called Naked Attraction from England. Howard said he hasn't seen it. The caller said you get to judge the people based on their bodies naked. Howard said he wants to see this. The caller said it's on YouTube. She said the show is called Naked Attraction. Howard asked the caller, Megan, about this show and how it works. She said they get behind a screen and they have a person looking at the naked people and they judge the people. She said a guy would pick the women out based on their legs and vagina. Howard said that sounds good to him. Robin said she has seen this and the person gets naked for the person they pick. Howard said he'd watch that.
Howard asked where they stop after the vagina. Megan said she thinks they move to the breasts next.
Megan asked for more questions for Trent but Howard had nothing and said he's heard enough from her.
Howard said what people are doing is freaking out on social media. He read some of the comments that they're getting there. Howard read the comments in a southern accent. Howard said people think that they're just being ''woke'' and they're not going to go there anymore.
Howard asked how dumb these people are. He said they think that one thing is going to change everything and they're being ruined by the liberals. He said this radio guy was talking about it and now it's a political hot point. Howard played a clip from this radio show where this guy was talking about how this option is not there from customer demand.
Howard said there wasn't a demand for black people to be able to sit in restaurants but we saw that it was the right thing to do and that's what we have now.
Howard played more of the radio show clip and said he's not sure what this is all about. He asked if this is a celebration of being a moron. Robin said it seems like everyone is upset. She said that Jimmy Kimmel lays on the floor and there's an uproar. Howard said there are over 11,000 comments on the Cracker Barrel post. He said it's crazy that people are upset about a meatless sausage. He said how about just praising them for giving you more options. He said there are 11,000 people out there who have time to comment on this stuff.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult stayed in a Cracker Barrel parking lot when they were homeless. He had some audio of Wendy talking to Wolfie about the fake meat thing there at Cracker Barrel. Wendy was coughing a lot and saying that she would throw that meat to the dog. She said she's never eating at Cracker Barrel again. Robin said that sounds like a person who needs a healthy option.
Howard said this is all so weird to him. He said everyone is so proud of being an idiot. He said this is all after Trump. He said the stupider the comment the more proud they are. He said they're so proud of being a moron. Robin said it's outrage over a vegan sausage. Howard said how about try it and see how it is.
Howard said he likes how Wendy eats out of a dumpster but she won't eat fake meat. Howard said every news report was the same on every channel. He said that they all made a ''Where's the beef'' joke. He played a compilation of those clips. Robin said just listen to the news to hear why we're so stupid. She asked if we really need to be concerned with this. Howard said it's a very strange world they're living in. He said it's so silly.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she would totally eat this because she's a vegan and they never have options like this. Howard said he'd be curious to try it. Robin said it's like Jon Hein not being able to eat anything but fast food. She said he won't enjoy himself if he's not eating fast food.
Howard took a call from a guy who said after the Queen died there were some liberals critiquing the British empire and the conservative hosts were going crazy over it. Howard said he thinks if there are 20 people complaining about something they pick it up on the news and make a story out of it. Robins said the news keeps things stirred up. Howard said when he's president he'll ban the news. He said he thinks Trump tried to do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Cracker Barrel is horrible and the food is just trash. He said support the local places. Howard said he went there a couple of times when he was younger. Robin said she only knows the sign. Howard said he thinks they had peanuts all over the floor.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's very upset about Beth and the EpiPen thing. She said she really has to be careful. Howard let her go a short time later. He had to correct her on the way she was saying Dr. Agus before he let her go.
Howard said they really do have to get on that. He said Beth thinks she can make it home to get the pen before the sting gets to her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a truck driver and when COVID first hit they had the option to go home or keep driving. He said he kept driving and he was skeptical about getting a shot. He said he listened to the show and he got fully vaccinated and he ended up getting COVID last week. He said he was admitted to the hospital. He said if he hadn't gotten vaccinated he wouldn't be here right now. Howard said of course. He said this vaccine is helping and this administration is doing a good job at getting it out there. He said god bless America. He said that we're lucky that we have these vaccines. Robin said China is still having rolling lockdowns because they can't get rid of this thing. Howard said we have an epidemic of morons in this country. He said everyone knows the virus is still out there and they're not doing anything to stop it.
Howard said he has a moron in his life who says the most moronic things to him. He said this guy has no idea how moronic he is. He said you realize the person is a lost cause. He said you have a guy like Hershel Walker who has some issue and he's trying to be a senator. He said we're doomed. He said it used to be a thing of pride to run for office. He said now it's embarrassing.
Howard played a clip of the ovation that Brendan got after The Whale. Howard said he has some of the standing ovation that this other movie got for 12 minutes. Howard said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said he saw a nice article in Variety Magazine about his father. He said a fan wrote that. He still had the standing ovation for this Lee Manecita movie going. He said this goes on for 12 minutes.
Howard said he saw the Rolling Stones and he may have applauded a little bit but that was it. He said he didn't stand there for 12 minutes. Howard said he didn't do this even after he got laid the first time. He said they're at 9 minutes and 40 seconds. He said they're knee deep in this.
Howard said the new Marilyn Monroe movie got a 14 minute standing ovation in Venice. He said what's happening is getting the opposite of what they want because there's no way he would go see this movie if he gets caught up in the applause. He said it sounds like torture. He said it's like torture trying to clap for more than 30 seconds. He said imagine doing that for 14 minutes.
Howard said he saw that they were complaining about Ana de Armas not being American but then they gave her a 14 minute standing ovation.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him a standing ovation for his show today. He said he's been clapping since the show started this morning. Howard thanked him for the call. the guy said he just shit his pants. He said he's going to keep going though.
Howard said the whole world is nuts. He said there's something going on out there. He said people are getting stupider. He said he can see it and smell it. Howard said he has a game to play after taking a break. He said it's called ''Will Swap Shop Sell It.'' He said this is the greatest game ever played.
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Howard came back and said he loves when Rod Stewart starts to sing in this song. He said it's so good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a long time listener and they're the only good thing he listens to on radio. Howard said now he's talking. He said he wants to come visit him in Michigan. He said he has to get directions to his house.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he had a band that released a record and did pretty well. He said they recorded a song that they think is good and people think they're too old to be playing rock. Howard said he'll listen to it. The guy said they're called the 450s and the album is Flowers For Columbine. The guys found the song and played it for Howard. Howard said he's had enough of it. He said the song wasn't doing it for him but they're good musicians. The caller told Howard about another song they have and the guys played that for him too. Howard said he's ready to walk away. He said he's not feeling it but he might listen to it off the air to see if he can get into it. He said it's not a song that he's getting right into. The caller, Bob, said that Jack Douglas loved it. Howard said go talk to him then.
Howard said he will listen to it off the air and give him a real opinion. He said he's not dancing to it right away. Bob said no one seems to get it other than Jack. He said they got some good reviews though. Howard said he just has to spend some time with it.
Howard let Bob go. He said he has to analyze the music. He said he doesn't like the name of the band. He said that's okay though.
Howard said its never a good sign when no one gets the music. He said he's not going to listen to it for 13 seconds and say he doesn't like it.
Howard did an intro for his contestant Robin who was there to play. Robin pretended to be a contestant and she introduced herself. Howard played the host of the game show.
Howard said Swap Shop is a show where they let you buy, sell and trade things over the radio. Robin said this is one thing that survives radio.
Howard said they have pranked Swap Shop over the years. He said they try to sell some crazy things. He said they have sold many strange things over the years. He said sometimes they hang up right away. He said they asked themselves what they would allow so they called with some strange things over a few weeks. Howard said the first thing they tired to sell was Mary Lincoln's pubic hair that was shaved off due to crabs. He asked Robin if she thinks they let that on. Robin said she thinks if they think it's authentic then maybe. Robin said she's going to say no. Howard played a clip where Richard called in and said he has that Mary Todd Lincoln hair to sell. The host went along with the call as Richard explained the public hair story. The host let it get through. Howard said Robin was wrong with that one. Robin said she's opposed to being judged by this one. She said he didn't mention the pubic hair thing right away. She said he saved it until the end.
Howard said Robin is a sore loser. He said one of the reasons Abe had to shave his moustache is because he got crabs in there.
Howard asked if they will sell Betty White's Pap smear. Robin said no way. Howard played the clip where Sal called in with the Pap smear offer. The host said that he's a jolly joker huh. He said call back after the show and he'll talk to him about that after. He said people like that should get a life. Howard said they can't get a life because they work for him.
Howard said Robin is on the board with 1 yes and 1 no. He asked if they will sell a stick to beat your children with called a Quiet Time stick. Robin said that's a good one. She said that she thinks they will say yes. Howard played the clip where Sal called in with the Quiet Time Stick offer. The host let him sell that. Howard said Robin got a second win there. Howard said listen to the commercial that comes on after that. He played the clip and it was a commercial to prevent child abuse. Robin said that's amazing.
Howard said Robin has 2 right so far. Robin said she's getting the hang of this. Howard asked if they would sell Elvis' toilet water and feces from the toilet he died on. Robin said no. Howard said he's locking her in on that. He played the call where Sal called in trying to sell this water that his father got as an EMS worker who was there the day he died. He told the host what he had to sell and the host hung up on him and said he's a useless human being.
Howard said Robin got another one right. He said he doesn't like that guy calling one of his guys a useless human being but he's right.
Howard asked if they would sell Johnny Depp's shit stained sheets. Robin said they will say yes to that one. Howard played the call and Sal called in with the sheets offer. The host let him get his number out so that counts as a yes. Howard said Robing got that one right even though it sounded like it was going to go the other way.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks they will let them sell serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer's crock pot that may have a testicle in it. Robin said this one is hard. She said that she's going to say yes. Howard played the clip and Sal called in with that one too. The host cut him off and hung up before he finished. He went to break after hanging up on Sal.
Howard said it gets harder as it goes along. Robin missed that one but she has a few right. Howard asked if Robin thinks they will sell a bed sheet containing an imprint of Tammy Faye Bakker's makeup from getting banged doggy style in bed. Robin said this is so stupid that they will say no. Howard played the clip and Richard called in with that one. He explained the sheets thing and the host was talking about an experience he had with the Bakkers so Robin wanted to change her answer. Howard continued the clip and Richard explained the sheets and the host went along with it and told another Tammy Faye story. He let Richard get in the phone number so that was a yes.
Howard said that was good Robin changed her vote. He said that they didn't let Richard and Sal sell chickens but you can sell sheets like that.
Howard said this one is going to be hard. He asked if they will sell an aborted fetus in a jar. Robin said this is a tough one. She said she could go either way on this one. She said that they're involved with religion and a fundamental kind. She said they may think that's what they need for their next protest so she's saying yes. Howard played the clip and one of the guys called in with the fetus thing and said he wants $200 for that. The host said they're not going to do that.
Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said it's hard to predict some of these things. He said selling an aborted fetus is the wrong thing to do. He said on this show they were considered controversial when they had Fred using aborted fetuses as puppets.
Howard said this last one is hard. He asked if they will sell Kim Kardashian's menstrual pad. Robin said no way. Howard played the clip and they had a woman call in with that offer. The host of the show cut her off in the middle of that one and hung up. They went right into a commercial. Howard asked if Robin got that one right. Robin said she is going out on a win.
Howard said Robin has won that pad since she won the game. He wrapped up the game and had Fred play him off.
Howard said that was exciting. He said how about that for a game. He asked people not to steal that game to produce it. He said they're going to be working on that themselves.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is Michael the gay fire fighter. He gave him condolences for his father's passing. He said he thinks about his father when he hears the word vigorous. Howard said he's not sure why. Michael said that he had a conversation on the air years ago about that and it reminds him of it.
Michael told Howard that he was a fire fighter on 9/11 and he remembers hearing the fear in Howard's voice back then so he jumped into action that day after hearing that fear. He said he was lucky to be where he was that morning and that changed the trajectory of his life that morning.
Howard said he may have helped a lot of people that day by doing that. He said everyone who helped that day are heroes. He said that he thinks most people would agree with that. He sang to Michael about that before letting him go. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.