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Howard said he has a lot to get to today. He said that he was watching the New Year's eve coverage on CNN. He said some people were upset that Andy Cohen is the host of the show and people are saying that his drinking is ruining their image. He said Andy was given a rule not to drink and all of that. Robin said he was hurting Anderson Cooper and getting crazy and silly. Howard said Anderson Cooper seems to stand there and giggle the whole time. He said he only saw the first 10 minutes of each broadcast. He said he watched the Ryan Seacrest show and it might be time to say goodbye to Dick Clark's name on that. He said it's the Ryan Seacrest show now. He said he's not sure why Ryan seems to feel guilty about removing Dick's name from the show. He said maybe Dick owned the name or something. Robin said it must be a contractual thing.
Howard said that was horrible. He said that they took Jenny McCarthy off of that show and got a new chick. He said she may have aged out. He said he enjoys watching Jenny but they got rid of her and brought in some other chick. He said they put Jenny out to pasture. He said they make no mention of her.
JD said the girl with Ryan was Liza Koshy. Howard said they put all of the hot chicks from the 90s out to pasture on a farm. He said that's what ABC does. He said they put them all out there. He named a bunch of the hot chicks from the 90s who are out there.
Robin said they do the same thing on FOX News. She said they have a new hot chick on that network every few months and you know they're not going to be around for long.
Howard was still naming hot chicks from the 90s. He threw out a few more forgotten names. Robin said they say the wildest things on that FOX News.
Howard said he didn't get to see the Miley Cyrus with Dolly Parton show. He said he did watch Andy Cohen to see if he would drink. He said he found it entertaining to watch. He said it seemed to be interesting with the patter they had. He said he thought Andy did a good job. Howard said on CNN they had some guests and that made it kind of boring. He said none of the shows were A+. He said when Andy is drunk it's a lot more fun. Robin said it is more interesting.
JD said he watched them all so he can comment. He said that the whole thing is so formulaic. He said they do the same thing every year on the Rockin' Eve. He said it's not even live. Howard said the show needs a shake up. He said you need the host to say something different every year. He said you can't follow the script. Robin asked why it's live if it's going to be the same every time. Howard said it was pouring rain New Year's Eve and they were standing out there. He said you wonder if people are for real out there. He said people must have really empty lives. He said you have to load in there in the early afternoon. Robin said the show doesn't start until 10 or 11. Howard said it starts at 8 or 9. Robin said this year there were no port-a-pottys out there. Howard said you have to wear a diaper. Robin said if you lose your place you're in trouble. She said you have to go to the back of the line if you have to get out.
Howard said these people are real idiots. He said they should be exported to another land. He said that if you went out there in pouring rain you're out of your mind. He said these people are out there getting poured on.
Howard said they had Duran Duran on the show. JD said they were good. Howard said he's not sure why anyone would stand in line to see them for 2 songs. He said he's not sure what you're lining up for. He asked what the appeal is. He said he's not sure what the deal is. He said it's the worst of humanity.
Howard said they kind of just sat there and didn't do anything on New Years Eve. He said they didn't make phone calls last year. He said they didn't do it this year. He said he gave up on that. He said that he used to call some fans. He said he didn't feel like doing it last year and his wife got so pissed off at him. He said that she got so upset with him that he kind of shut it all down. He said last year she was bummed. He said this year he didn't even think about it. He said he thought that maybe he should have done it this year. He said he doesn't want that to be a tradition. He said he's not going to get locked into it. He said people give you shit if you don't call everyone. He said it was a bonus but people get upset if you don't call.
Howard said he was sitting home with the kids. He said that he saw them for a few days. He said he saw his mother. He said she had COVID and that Paxlovid stuff really worked. He said he thought she was going to check out but she did really well. He said the next morning she was doing well. He said that shit works. He said give that to her. He said she got the shits from it though. He said that she had to just hack it for 5 days. He said she can't move fast so she had some issues. He said she can't run anywhere. He said she was all upset about that.
Howard did his impression of his mother talking to him about her terrible thing. He said she had diarrhea and she may have shit her pants. He said he's not saying she did. He said she may have though. He said she may have shit herself.
Howard said his mother did really well on the Paxlovid. He said she had a sore throat and a temperature and that all went away. He said he didn't have to hear about any of that. He said she was able to eat the next day. He said she told him about eating her breakfast. He did his impression of her telling him all of this.
Howard said he brought the kids over to see his mother and she couldn't get them out of there soon enough. Robin mentioned the granddaughters and Howard thought she was busting him for having a grand daughter. He said he has never mentioned that on the show before. Robin said she was talking about her grand kids and not the great grand kid. She said Howard busted himself.
Howard said his mother was saying that the kids were tired and they had to leave. Howard said they were only there for a half hour.
Howard said he put in a full day visiting his mom. He said he had to drop the kids off and then go home. He said then he goes home and he gets a call from the nurse that his mother's ankles are swollen again. He said the rest of his day is spent trying to figure out how to get her a diuretic to get her swelling to go down. He said he was on the phone with doctors the rest of the day. He said it was a long day of conversation.
Howard said when he heard that his mother ate her oatmeal he was like thank god. He said it was a miracle.
Howard said when he hears that she ate her breakfast it really is a great thing to hear. He said it's amazing.
Robin said she told Howard where she was going and he went ''Noooooo!'' She said he started screaming. Howard said he tried to talk her out of it. He said he was worried about her getting COVID. He said you can't et Paxlovid over there. He said she went to India once and turned right around and came home.
Howard said he was convinced that she was going to die over there. Robin said that's why she called him as soon as she got home. Howard said she texted him from somewhere over there. He said she was being pulled around on a cart by some guy who looked like he weighed 8 pounds. He said he'd be embarrassed to be over there. He said she was happy as a clam. Robin said it wasn't her idea. She said it was a guided tour and she did what they told her to do. Howard said he showed that to Beth and asked if she can imagine that. He said that Robin was so happy with a smile on her face. He said he was just beside himself.
Howard said Robin did okay over there and she didn't get sick. Robin said they have a higher vaccination rate over there. She said they're also mask friendly. She said they don't have the issues we're having. She said it's also warm there. She said it's like summer over there now. Howard said he was so worried. He said she was out there doing her Christmas shopping at the wet markets. Robin said the markets over there are crazy. She said there is no refrigeration and everything is just sitting out in the hot sun. She said from fruits to fish to meat. She said it's all just sitting out there.
Howard said he was fixated on the guy driving the rickshaw. Robin said he was behind her. She said that he was not in front of her. Howard said he thought he was in front. Howard said he's not going to look at that picture again.
Howard said Robin is going to Ukraine for Easter. Robin said she was so stressed out at the end of the year and she had this three years of isolation so she had to get out. She said she was tired of all of this stuff and she had to go somewhere that was completely unfamiliar that she won't even recognize anything. She said that was fantastic. She said it was all new things.
Howard said she's super careful for 3 years but then she does this completely risky thing and doesn't even take steps. He said she just goes and runs around in Southeast Asia. Robin said that's living. Howard said he knows but jeez. He said she made it back. He asked if she enjoyed it. Robin said she loved it. She said she has seen things she had never seen before. Howard asked what she saw. Robin said she saw this waterfall that was in stages and it was beautiful. She said it got more and more spectacular every step of the way.
Howard said she could have found something like that here. Robin said not like this one. She said it was amazing. She said she saw endangered bears and she fed a monkey. She said she did things. She said she crawled through a cave with bats. Howard said great.
Howard said he had her in lock down there for 3 years and now she's out doing this stuff. He said this is like she was a virgin and she was going to do a gang bang with 50 guys the next day. Robin said nothing happened to her. She said she gave rice to monks and she had some rituals over there. She told Howard about what she did and how she recorded some of that. She said she'll get that to someone there. Howard asked why she did all of this. Robin said it's their custom. She said they would welcome her and they would do this ceremony for her. She said this is how they greet people there. She said they tie strings around your wrist and tell you not to take them off. She said they have all of your blessings in them. She said she wondered what they were talking about because you look around and see it doesn't work. She said you can't say that to them.
Howard asked if she kept them on the whole time. Robin said she did. She said she had them on for 3 days. She said the second time when they tied 8 strings on her wrist she kept them on for 3 days. Howard said that's a fucking crazy thing. Robin said it's upsetting to see what's going on around the world. She said some of the monks are just 7 years old. She said they're running around in orange cloth and their heads are shaved. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said one of the monks is on the phone now. He took a call from a 7 year old Monk. The guys were playing Asian Pete clips.
Robin said she met an 87 year old man over there named Uncle Nom who was in the Vietnam War. She said that he was in the military over there at a young age. She said that she learned a lot about what they did over there. Robin said he lost and eye and an arm and he stayed in the war. Robin said they weren't able to get him out of the tunnel when he got injured. She said they took him out the next day and he's happy that their country is free. Howard said he remembers Uncle Nom. He said he thinks he killed his whole family over there. He said he may have been the one to take his eye. He went into his long, made up, story about how it all happened. He said he took his eye and made a necklace out of it.
Robin said they spoke about John McCain with reverence over there. She said that she was in the Hanoi Hilton and that's where John was held. Howard said he spent a year of his life over there too. He said he has told her that story. Robin said she was right there and saw where John was held. She said that she listened to stories about him. She said all over the prison they have photos of him and John Kerry. Robin said after the war John went back to Vietnam and said we need to fix what we messed up. She said that he was a big part of normalizing relations with them over there. Howard said he met John McCain and he was a good guy. He said he was a great man. Robin said that city is beautiful now. She said it all happened because of the ending of the hostilities between this country and Vietnam. Howard said it's all crazy when you think about that war. He said his daughter, Debra, lived over there for 2 years. He said they were shocked by the whole thing. She said that the have communism over there but they don't really have it that bad over there. He said all of the people who died over there is the worst part of the story. Robin said that it's all communist over in that area and it hasn't affected us at all. She said all of those men are dead for nothing.
Howard said the whole thing is crazy. Robin said they had one funny line about the Hanoi Hilton. She said they said they did the best they could taking care of prisoners. She said they aren't saying they did great but the did the best they could.
Howard said it is an amazing part of our history. He said people were standing up to the war over there and now you see how wrong it was. Robin said she was on a trip who didn't live through it. She said that she wondered why they didn't stop. She said it was all about ego. She said it kept escalating and nothing changed. Howard said it's just crazy. He said he asked his daughter if the were upset that they were American's and visiting there. She said no. She said they have no bad feelings over there. Robin said they are Buddhist and they don't hold on to that. She said there was a guy there with a child with special needs who was affected by Agent Orange. She said they just move on and don't hold animosity. She said they find happiness where they can. Howard said he'd be pissed off if he lived there. He said he's still pissed off at Germany. He said that he doesn't give a shit if they're friends now.
Howard said the late Norm Macdonald had a great bit about Germany. He talked about how they decided to go to war with the world and they didn't lose right away. He said he thought that was one of the funniest routines he did. He said he could be wrong about that. He said his memory isn't that good.
Robin said when she started out in radio she wanted to be like Barbara. She said she was fearless and she wanted to be like her.
Howard said he's not sure how he even knew Barbara. He said she did the radio show and that's how he met her he thinks. He said she started to loosen up when she did The View. He said she wouldn't want to do it when she was a news woman. He said she came on the show and she was pretty cool. He said he started to develop some kind of friendship with her. He said she called him once and asked him to be on one of her specials. He said she wanted him for the 10 most fascinating people of the year special. He said she called up his agent and asked him to be on. He said he told his agent that was kind of weird. He said he didn't want to do it. He asked who the other 9 people were. He said sometimes it's someone like Charo or Honey BooBoo.
Howard said he'd be interviewed but not with 9 other people. He said he think he's the 10 most fascinating people. He said she told him to go fuck himself. He said when she had those specials they were not just good people. He said they had people who were horrible. He said he wanted a list of people he was going to be included with. He said Jeffrey Dahmer is fascinating but he doesn't want to be on a special with him. He said that you can't control the editorial comments either.
Howard said he has a great Barbara Walters story but his wife doesn't want him telling it. He said it's fascinating. He said that he made the mistake of telling his wife the story. He said that he didn't have an audience over vacation. He said he told her and she told him not to tell it. He said he could tell the story but she didn't want him to do it. He said it's the craziest story and he wants to tell it so bad. He said he's going to respect his wife. Robin asked why he previewed it.
Howard said Sarah Silverman had a run in with Barbara at his wedding. He played a clip of Sarah telling the story about her walking past her and telling her she was going to smoke weed and Barbara grabbed her arm and told her that her mom would be so proud.
Howard said Barbara was very nice to him. He said he was on The View with her. He said she did their show too. He said she did it a couple of times. He said she told them stories about when she started out broadcasting. Robin said she worked there for a little while. She said she had a show of her own there. Howard read some details about Barbara's career and played some clips. He had a clip of her moderating a presidential debate. Howard said that's back when being president was honorable. He said then Trump got in and it's just not the same now. Robin said it's like a WWE match now.
Howard read more about Barbara and then played some clips from the interviews he did with her. Howard talked to her about Clint Eastwood and how flustered by him she was. He asked her if she had sex with him and she just said ''Oh Howard...''
Howard said Barbara told them how she created The View. He played a clip from an interview he did with her.
Howard said Barbara told them about how she protected Betty Ford by not showing some film of her giving her a tour of the White House while she was visibly drunk.
Howard said the other thing was Gilda Radner's impression of Barbara and how she wasn't a fan. He played some of the Gilda impression and said she hated that. Howard played some audio of Barbara talking to them about that impression.
Howard said Barbara was the host and producer of The View until 2015. He said she was very accomplished. He said she will be missed. He said he herd she was sick for a couple of years. Robin said she did too. She said that she didn't see her much at the end there.
Howard said doctors thought that his speech was from cerebral palsy. He joked that he's dead because doctors thought that he said do not resuscitate near the end there.
Howard said he has some history of Elephant Boy to play. He said he wasn't doing well with the ladies. He said he joined a phone dating service and they found it and the realized he as looking to date a couple. He played that classic clip where Elephant Boy was looking for a Bisexual male and a woman to go out with. Robin said that was mind blowing at the time. Howard said Fred was doing it anonymously but that voice is so distinctive that they knew it was him. He said Fred insisted it wasn't him.
Howard said when he ran for governor he got Fred to introduce him at the convention. He played a clip of Fred doing that for him at the libertarian convention.
Howard said when they would win in the ratings they would have funerals for the other stations. He said this is Fred at one of those. He played a clip of Fred introducing him and getting really excited. He said you couldn't ask for a better hype man. He said he still thinks that speech was more inspiring than Zelensky talking to Congress recently.
Howard said rest in peace to Fred. He said he was a big fan of Donald Trump. He said he quit their show in 2020 because of his liberal views. He said he was the extremist. He said this was his goodbye statement. He played a clip of Fred talking about why he was leaving. Howard said he has even more clips to play that he should be playing before this. He played the clip of Fred saying that he had been with the show for 32 years and it was a wonderful experience but he has to leave. He said that everything comes to an end.
Howard said that retirement didn't last long. He said he was still checking in with Chris Wilding until a month before his end. He said he was still pitching ideas for the show. He played some audio of Fred talking about doing something for the show for reviewing gay movies. He said he'd like to do that with Chris.
Howard said Fred also had a big feud with High Pitch Erik. He said he was their man on the street correspondent for Leiberman Live. He said Fred replaced Erik and then they got into a feud. He said when they were fighting it was great. He played some audio of Fred and Erik talking about all of that and insulting each other.
Howard said they had a Peoples Court. He said High Pitch Erik made some threats. Robin said Wendy was the judge. Howard said Erik made some threats against Fred and the had this court thing to settle it. He said Wendy went with Fred in that. Howard played some audio from that day.
Howard said Gary used to make appearances and Fred showed up at one after shitting his pants. He said he went to the event and had shit all over him. He said they confronted him over it on the show. Gary said he was wearing shorts and they saw shit stains on his socks. Howard played a clip of Fred talking about that on the show. He fessed up to shitting himself and wiping off on a tarp at the appearance.
Gary said he loved Fred. He said he was such a good guy. He said they did Prostate Karaoke and he got that thing in his butt. He said he mentioned that he saw some shit on the thing they put in his butt and he got so upset with him over that. He said he loved the guy though. Howard said Fred was a good dude. He said he was a good hearted guy. He said he was so thrilled to be part of the radio show. He said they got him laid a couple of times too.
Howard said rest in peace Elephant Boy. He said they have a special collection on the app right now. He said they have some great stuff from those Elephant Boy days. He said rest in peace to Barbara Walters too. He said that they must be up in heaven together right now.
Howard said he has to take a break and get to a lot more. He said they have so much to get to. He said they were gone for 2 weeks. He said he wondered why they were off yesterday. He said he was told it as considered a holiday. He said schools and government offices were closed so they took off. He said took it. Gary said that New Year's Day fell on Sunday and they have to give a holiday so they take it on Monday. Howard said he's pretty sure most of the days in the U.S. are holidays now. He said he's going to take a break now. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and sang along with Love Shack for a few seconds. He said he's sure he could have a hit song if he sang something like that. He said Fred wrote something like that for him but nothing ever came of it. He said they tried to record something but it just didn't work. He said he thinks about Rick Dees and how he had a hit with Disco Duck. He said he would take any song to be number 1. He said he'd love that. He said you'd think he wouldn't want that but he would take anything to be number 1.
Howard said he and Rick write to each other. He said he gets Dunkin Donuts gift cards from Rick every Christmas. He said he doesn't drink coffee or eat donuts but he gives them to friends.
Howard played a clip from Rick Dees where he thanked Howard for doing what he does. Rick said he did have one hit. He said sometimes maximum exposure is what you need and this is what he did. He played a clip where he was saying ''Please insert your parking ticket.'' Howard said Rick had a hit song in 1976 with Disco Duck. Howard said he wants Fred to write something like that for him. He said Fred does it but he hasn't come up with it yet. Fred said it's a challenge. Howard said now Fred is off of that and Steve Nowicki is on it. He said he thinks Smell my Tuchas by Tuchas is going to be a hit.
Howard asked Steve if he has that. Steve said he does. He said it's still a rough cut. He said it's 2 minutes long. He said shout at him if you want him to pause it. Howard had him play it. He said he smells a hit with this. They had Howard singing the song and Steve must have been on guitar.
Howard asked him to turn this shit off. He said this is no Disco Duck. He said he loves that he worked on it for 2 days and he has album art. He said that's not a hit. He said he's fired. Steve said he'll get working on his riff. Howard said that was awful.
Howard said he was going though his journal and he realized he forgot that his father died last year. He said that he decided to get over his OCD this year but then he screwed up in minutes. He said he likes this song that Scott Stapp sings. Fred found the song by Creed and played it. Howard said as soon as he said ''blind man'' in the song his rituals came back to him. He said he's a tortured guy. He said he doesn't have a pleasant life. He said the most pleasant part of his day is being with his wife. He said thank god for her. Howard said he had one resolution and it fell apart. Howard said whenever he's with Beth his OCD isn't even a bother.
Howard said he asked Robin not to go to a shamen when she was away on vacation. He said that's the one thing he asked. He said she went into those ritual things anyway.
Robin said she ended her trip in Bangkok and she found out that the movie The King and I is banned over there. She said that's just a little piece of information she brought back.
Howard said when Robin said she went to Vietnam and they tied her up with string he was thinking about how she's drawn to medical kooks like a moth to a flame. Robin said she didn't go there looking for any of that. She said she just went to see a different culture. She said she's not opposed to people's rituals and ceremonies. Howard said she should have just said no. He said that's what he would do. He said people around the world email each other about Robin when they hear she's going on a trip. He said they can't wait for her to visit. He said they love her.
Howard said he was thinking about the highlights of the year. He said the Bruce Springsteen interview was his highlight. He said he's still on a bit of a high from that. He said he was excited that David Bianculli picked that interview as the best of the year. He said this is David picking it. He said JD sent him this. He played that clip where David talked about the interview airing on HBO and how he wants more.
Howard said they had a bunch of critics on this broadcast and David came up with that. He said he was excited about that. He said he is not wrong and HBO wants to do more. He said that's a problem. He said he wondered who he has to interview. He said he was thinking it would have to be Bruce again. He said you can't top that. He said that Bruce is such a good interview. He said he sits there and plays and he brings you into the creation of the songs. He said that they should just do that every quarter. He said he would think at the end of 3 yeas they'd know enough about Bruce to stop.
Howard said that they'll see what happens. He said HBO wants more. He said you could take a lot of the interviews he's done and put them on there. He said they have a lot.
Howard said the highlight of 2022 was Bruce. He said the low light were the deaths of his cats and his dad.
Howard said he wants a highlight and a low light from Robin. Robin said she has to think about that. She said she's not sure what she did this year. Howard asked her to give it some thought.
Howard asked Gary what he has. Gary said he would say that they're similar to Howard's. He said his son graduated college. He said he had to put a cat down as well. He said the Bruce thing was similar.
Howard asked Fred what his are. Fred said his daughter coming back to visit from college was his highlight and his brother died so that's his low light. He said that happened back around June. Robin and Howard didn't know that. Fred said he and his brother weren't in touch much. He said he wasn't capable of that at the time. Howard said he knows they weren't talking that much. Fred said they never had a resolution on that so he has some regrets about that. He said he should have been a better man about that stuff. He said anyone who has a brother out there like that... Howard said he knows it was a complicated thing. He said he's sorry to hear that. Fred said anyone out there who is listening if you have a relationship that's semi-broken then try to mend it. He said you'll feel bad about it if you don't.
Howard asked Fred how his mom feels. Fred said she's been busted up by it. He said this is another knock in her life that she didn't need. He said she's tougher than he thought she was. He said she's 90 something and she's still hanging in there.
Howard asked if he went to the funeral. Fred said there was no funeral. He said they had a cremation. He said his brother had a family with 2 sons. He said he and the kids got together. He said he has a better relationship with one of the sons than he did with his brother. Fred said that it's kind of like what Howard went through with his dad. He said you realized that your end is coming. He said you realize that you may be on the back 3 and not even the back 9. Howard said Fred the Elephant Boy was just 64 years old. He said he wasn't even that old. Fred did his Elephant Boy impression for Howard. Howard said he feels like he's talking to Elephant Boy.
Howard asked Robin if she has anything yet. Robin said one thing was that she finally got off of something with her brothers and she had great conversation with two of them this year. She said she will never forget talking to her middle brother and they were just having so much fun. She said it was something she was carrying herself and at the end of this conversation he said ''this was fun'' and now their conversations are fun. She said that she used to have a panic attack when she saw him calling her and now they just converse and it's wonderful. She said the low light is a personal thing that she doesn't want to talk about. She said Howard knows what it is. Howard said he knows. He said it's a disappointment. He said maybe she shouldn't talk about that. Robin said she's not going to talk about it.
Howard said he knows Robin has many brothers. He said he'd like to know how many she has. Robin said there are 4. She said some are adopted. Howard said he had no idea.
Howard wondered if they should ask Ronnie what his highlight and low lights are. Ronnie got on and said that's pretty hard. He said the highlight is getting the move complete and the house done. He said the move to Vegas and all of that. He said the low light would be missing his family back in New York. He said he doesn't get to see the kids. Robin said they're the same thing. Ronnie said they're not. Howard said the highlight caused the low light. Ronnie said he guesses so then.
Howard said setting the wedding date was the low light. Ronnie said he's not bummed out about that. He said that its just the whole deal with that. He said the easy part is getting married. He said it's setting up everything else. Howard said he thinks he's bummed about the whole wedding thing. Ronnie said he would have done that and just gotten married. He said she wants to do the bells and whistles thing. He said she's never done it before.
Howard said the problem is that Ronnie is talking about how he's in his 70s and his wife is almost 40. He said the thing is that he's standing there in front of everyone doing the vows. He said it's what kids do. He said that he doesn't want to get up and do what kids do. He said he's in the latter stages of life and he gets it. Robin said you have to stand up in front of them and do that. Ronnie said he can hear her laugh in the background. Howard said he's going to say that he's going to love her the rest of his life and they'll get up and yell ''Yeah, 3 more years.'' He said that it's not fun for Ronnie.
Howard had some notes about the trip. He said that JD upgraded himself to First Class on his way back. JD said he saw a seat empty up there so he did it for $500. Jon said he complained about the food. He said JD said the food sucked. Ronnie said it's a plane. He asked what he expects. JD said he was expecting something better.
Howard asked if Jon busted his balls at all on the flight. JD said they were on different flights.
Jon said they did do a little bit of a prank where they told people that JD is going to be a lawyer and he'll be representing pedophiles. JD said he got applause from people over that and he had no idea what Blitt had done. He said he knew he did something though.
Howard said it sounds like JD blew a lot of dough out there. He said he heard he went to a strip club and blew $600 bucks there. JD said it was his birthday and he was having a good time. Robin said that's 600 bucks. JD said they have rules at strip clubs now and you have to go into a room and get 3 dances for $100. He said you don't get table dances. He said the whole thing was a little bit of a blur. He said this was at the Crazy Horse. Howard said guys will spend a lot being around hot chicks. He said if you're going to have a good time you have to spend minimums. JD said he thinks so. He said they say it's because of the Pandemic. Ronnie said it's because they were in the VIP area. He said that's why they were charging so much. He said in the regular area it's not the same.
Howard said guys are there looking at naked chicks and you have to spend money. JD said that was Jon. Jon said he wasn't feeling it so much. He said he had one dancer on his lap and she was coming on a little strong. He said he told her not to waste her time with him. He said that he let her know. He said he let another stripper know that JD was a star of a Karate Baby movie as a child. He said JD did some karate moves or her. JD said she looked at him and said ''Really!?''
Robin asked if JD had a $600 good time. JD said he had a good time. He said if you're not going to do that on your birthday then what's the point. Howard said you think the girls are going to fall in love with you but they don't. He said nothing happens.
Howard said JD didn't even get a hand job. He said he was the start of Karate Baby and he didn't get one.
Howard asked the guys if they hung with Ronnie at his house. the guys said they did. Jason said it was really nice. He said they got stoned immediately. He said Ronnie got really stoned. Jon said they brought joints that were laced with wax. He said they were really strong. He said he saw Ronnie smoking it like it was a real joint. Howard asked what it means to be laced with wax. Jon explained it means it's the purest form of THC so it feels like that first high you get smoking weed. Howard said wax is a THC wax. Jon said yes. Howard asked if Ronnie got paranoid. Jon said he was fun to the next level. Will said it was fun Ronnie.
Howard said they're lucky they didn't kill Ronnie. Will said it was all legal weed. He said they went to a warehouse in Vegas and it was insane.
Howard said Jason is a big weed guy. He said he has to be careful with his eating. Jason said he gets high quicker now and it doesn't make him hungry. He said he never liked edibles before. He said they work better now so he gets it.
The guys were talking about doing mushrooms too. JD said he didn't do them. He said he just watched. Ronnie said he didn't do them either. Howard asked if Will did them. Will said he did. He said that he didn't get high from them but he did feel good.
Howard asked how long they were out there. Jason said it was 2 nights and 3 days. Howard said he got some notes about this. He read about JD's first class thing again. He said he spent that $600 at the strip club. JD said Jon is a rich guy so he picked the Waldorf Astoria out there. He said it was $1000 for 2 nights. Jon said that's a good deal. Will said he wanted to share a room but JD didn't want to do that. JD said he needs his own space. Jon said that JD was up in his room pacing around for an hour with the TV on after he got high.
Howard asked JD why he didn't go to the pool with the guys. JD said he was tired. He explained what happened and how he felt the gummy hitting so he wanted to nap up there. He said that he stayed in the room. He said he walked around the room for 2 or 3 hours. He said stuff that relaxes people doesn't relax him. He said he was up there drinking water and walking around. Will said they were all tired and you have to suck it up. JD said he was walking around his room.
Howard said JD should have just gone to sleep. JD said he was afraid he wouldn't wake up in time. He said he gets nervous like that. He said he didn't want to wake up late for their next meeting at 8 at the bar. He said he wanted to be there in time. Will said dinner was at 9:30.
Howard asked if he got his own room because he wanted to beat off and stuff. JD said sure. He said it was his birthday so it was me time. He said he didn't know if he'd be able to shit normally and things like that.
Jason said he found out that JD was Googling the bathrooms ahead of time before going to these places they went. Howard asked what that's about. JD said that he knew they were going to the restaurant to the strip club and he wondered what he would be using if he had to use a bathroom. He said that he wanted to check the scene there.
Howard said his fear is that he might have to take a dump. JD said even just to piss. He said he wants to know what the bathroom is like. He said he went to the stall in the back corner of the bathroom.
Howard asked what restaurant they went to. They said it was Catch. Howard asked if he just went pee. JD said it was just a piss. Howard said imagine if he shit. He said then he goes to the strip club and he has a doot stuck in the hairs of his taint. Robin said all he had to do was pee.
Jon said one of the strippers said that JD has a huge penis. He said she told him that she has never felt one so big. Ronnie said don't believe a word he says. JD said he's not sure if that's true. Jon said Ronnie was getting a lap dance too. He said she said she has never felt an erection like that in her life either.
Jason said that JD was the only one who had a suitcase that had to be checked. He said they were out there for 2 days and he had to bring a suitcase. Howard asked how many clothes you need for 2 days. JD said he wanted a change of clothes. He said he didn't want to fight for overhead space. Howard said every guy there got their stuff in there.
(Just want to mention that this show has become a cluster fuck with the remote broadcast setup. The delay Howard has with everyone causes people to talk over him and vice versa. It's really hard to follow at times when there are so many people on together. Even when Robin tries to get something in she talks over Howard. There's at least a second or two delay.)
Howard asked Ronnie about his ripped jeans. Ronnie said he's at his own house hanging out. Howard said you can see his knees hanging out. Ronnie said he was at home. Howard asked what that look is. Mike Pearlman got on and Ronnie got upset with him and started going off on him. He told him to go fuck himself.
Mike said he just through it was funny with the ripped jeans thing. He asked if he bought them like that or ripped them himself. Ronnie said he can go fuck himself. Howard said it's a good question. Ronnie said he ripped them himself. He said he doesn't go out like that.
Howard said he thinks what happened is that he bought ripped jeans and they ripped more. Ronnie said he's right. He said he bought them like that and they're like 8 years old so they ripped more. Ronnie and Mike went at each other as usual going back and forth with Ronnie getting upset with what Mike was saying about him and Mike goofing on Ronnie about everything. Howard had Fake Mike Pearlman on the line to goof on Ronnie as well.
Howard said Mike got engaged just like Ronnie. Ronnie asked if that's like the 30th time now. Mike said it's just the second time. He said Ronnie is Mr. Ball Breaker. Ronnie said Mike is the one running his mouth. He asked him to just shut the fuck up.
Howard said Ronnie hosted these guys and this is what you get. Ronnie said that Pearlman will never be invited out there because of shit like this. He said he's become that guy. He said he'll never be out there. He said the door is never open to him out there.
The guys said they were trying to help Stephanie get the guest list down while they were out there. They spent a little time talking about that.
Ronnie mentioned that he got a text from JD and he ended up deleting it. Howard asked why he would do that. Ronnie said he can read between the lines. He said he's not going to talk about it. JD said Ronnie was great. He said he was just showing his appreciation. He said that there are things in his life he's not talking about and that's what it has to do with. He said he thinks that's what it's about. Howard said he just wrote about him taking care of him out there.
JD said he saw Ronnie out in L.A. and that was emotional. He said he doesn't know when he's going to see him again. Ronnie said he could be dead. Mike said he wants to see him too. He said he knows he'll get over this stuff quick. Mike said if he saw someone messing with his bagel he'd stop them.
Howard took a call from fake Mike Pearlman's girlfriend who sounded like a female Mike. She was talking about their life together and talking about stuff that Mike might talk about. Howard let her go and said he's had enough.
Howard was trying to wrap up but everyone kept talking and interrupting so he'd pause, another person would start talking, Howard would start talking and... cluster fuck.
Will mentioned that they have skulls all over the house out there. Howard asked Ronnie what's up with that. Will said behind the pool they have like 7 skulls back there like they died while they were building the pool. Ronnie said it's 5. He said that he likes the skulls. Howard said Ronnie hooks into something and he goes overboard. He told the story about the Playboy stuff he had on his limo when he started driving him around. He said everything in the car was Playboy.
Howard said Ronnie got into the skull thing and now everything is skulls. He said they have skulls in the garden. Jason showed the skulls by the pool. Fake Mike Pearlman was talking about why he likes the skulls so much.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and said now you know what happened there. Robin said that was another story about JD dropping a ton of money at the strip club. Howard said the kid refuses to save money. Robin asked if he doesn't get it. JD said he does not. He said he has learned his lesson. He said a few years ago he would have done a suite and gotten a bottle and all of that. Will said he did ask to get him out of there. Jon said he was very close to taking out $2,000 from the ATM there. JD said he's out of there now.
Howard said he's sure their kids are upset with them but it's not like they broke any laws. He said they shouldn't be fired. He said that might just be him though. Robin said it all depends on the audience.
Howard said he watched the movie Black Adam on HBOMax. He said he can't say he loved it but he didn't hate it. He said he loves super hero movies. He said that he liked the movie. He said it's a DC comic movie. He said he had never heard of this character before. He said he knew Atom but that was different.
Howard said he liked the movie but it wasn't the best. He said it was no Iron Man but it was fine. He said The Rock is super muscular and he runs around with super powers. Robin said she thinks he has gotten too big. Howard said it doesn't look natural. He said he did enjoy the movie.
Howard said he's still enjoying Tulsa Kings too. He said that's on Paramount+. Robin said Yellowstone is good. She said she's still watching that. She said they had a mid season finale on that.
Howard said the Avatar sequel came out but he didn't see it. He said some of the guys saw it and said it was good.
Howard said then there's that story about George Santos guy who seems to be lying about everything. Robin said he calls it embellishing. Howard said he claims to be a gay, Jewish republican. He said that they said he's not even Jewish. He said he doesn't get why you'd lie about that. He said who would even conceive of that. He said they found out he has no trace of Judaism in his family. He had an audio montage of him claiming he was Jewish. Robin said he's saying they're not lies but embellishment. Howard said he's questioning if he's even gay. Robin said he won't step down from that seat. She said he's going to try to be a congressman after all of the lies.
Howard said you know people are crazy if they want you to think they're Jewish when they're not. He played more audio of Santos talking about his claims that he's Jewish.
Howard read about more of the things this Santos guy lied about. He said there are a lot of weird facts about this guy. He lied about being a college grad and about where he worked and things like that.
Howard said that he should play a clip where to remember her by. Howard said this is when Angela called in as Ronnie's mom when Ronnie was talking about seeing his parents having sex as a kid. In the clip fake Ronnie's mom called in and talked dirty to him.
Howard played another clip of Angela doing her thing in a phony phone call the guys made. Chris Wilding said Angela wasn't able to see so well so she had some lines they didn't write for her. He said she'd just throw things out there and they loved her for that.
Steve said that she once pulled out a dildo from her purse when she came in. Chris said she'd come in to the studio and she was in character the whole time from the time she got there until she left.
Benjy said that he was at her wedding last year. He said she just lost her mom a few months ago. He said that was the last time he spoke to her. He said that he didn't know she was sick. He said she may not have told anyone. Howard said they were big fans of her there on the show. He said no one can replace her. He said that they have to retire that character. He said they'll be back tomorrow. He said they'll get to some phone calls and things tomorrow. He said he has a lot to get to. Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Howard said speaking of oral hygiene he's feeling some sensation in his teeth on one side. He said he was just talking to his dentist to get in tomorrow. He said he doesn't think it's a cavity. He said he thinks it might be because he's tired and stressed out. He said he's just going to check. Robin said he's a teeth grinder. Howard said he is and he has to wear a plastic thing in his mouth. He said his wife laughs at him. Howard said he should wear it one day on the show so you can hear what it sounds like when he speaks. He said he sounds like this and did an impression of what it sounds like.
Howard said he puts the mouth piece in when Beth is sleeping. He said she'll wake up and he tries talking and she gets really annoyed. He said he grinds his teeth so he has to wear it.
Howard said he was talking to the dudes there about the football player. He said they didn't talk about it yesterday. He said he knows most people who watch football didn't want the game being called off. He said he knows they had to do it but no one wanted the game to be called off. He said football should be ended but there's a lot of people who have heart issues like that. He said this guy was hit. He said his name is Damar Hamlin. He said this guy was hit hard. He said the owners look like a bunch of guys who are running a plantation. He said the way they treat the players and have salary caps and all of that reminds him of that. He said football is such a horse shit kind of thing. He said these guys get inured and they don't get paid after they leave. He said the players have nowhere else to go after this league.
Howard said Jon Bon Jovi was going to get into football to own a team and he talked to him about what he thought about that. He said he thinks the whole sport is fucked up but he does enjoy watching it. He said these guys are such fabulous athletes. He said they end up at 35 with Alzheimer's.
Howard said Gary was talking to him about this whole thing and he reminded him that Fred fell on his face and split his chin open and they didn't stop their night out at the strip club for that. He was comparing that night to the game. Howard said Fred fell down like 5 or 6 steps and went unconscious and the rest of the guys didn't stop the party. He said Gary took him to the hospital. He said they were already there and kept the party going. Robin asked if anyone worried about how Fred was. Howard said they got reports from Gary at the hospital.
Gary said Fred was so out of it that they did that thing where they poke you in the foot and Fred didn't move. Howard said they stitched him up and didn't give him any pain killers. He said he was so inebriated that he didn't need it. Robin said he was sedated enough.
Fred said he had 17 shots and 4 beers on an empty stomach so that didn't help. Howard said he made the decision to keep the party going. He said he told the guys they were going on with the party. He said they didn't have to ruin their time because of Fred. He said he had naked chicks running around. Fred said one of them was an EMT and she helped him. Howard said she made more money as a stripper than an EMT. He said she probably saved his life. Howard said she was a lovely woman. He said she was working on Fred with no top on and high heels. He said she turned out to be an EMT. He said the strip club owner confirmed it.
Howard said imagine coming in and seeing all of the guys with their boners in there standing around. Robin asked if they turned the music back on like nothing happened. Howard said absolutely. He said he's surprised the NFL did the right thing.
Robin said she thinks it was because everything was happening on the field. She said they were doing CPR on the field. She said the players gathered around him to shield him from the people and cameras. Robin said that she doesn't think the owners had a choice. She said the guys were on their knees praying.
Howard said the formed a ring around Fred too. He said they did that because Fred had a wad of funny money in his hand. He said he gave it to the guys after taking it back from Fred. Fred said they're a bunch of scumbags. Howard said he had like $500 in funny money. He gave it to the guys to have fun with it instead. He said he remembers giving it to the girl working on Fred for performing CPR on him.
Gary said it was just 11 in the morning so they treated Fred like a degenerate. Howard said his wife was real proud of Fred that day. Gary said he felt so bad because she stared daggers at him.
Robin said when Fred woke up he had an IV and he was in a bed and he thought he was still at scores. Fred said he really did think they had a recovery room there. He said he had no idea what had happened.
Howard asked why Fred thinks he drank so much that night. Fred said he's not good with an empty stomach. He said he was just having a good time. He said he had never had a party like that. Gary asked what the shots were. Fred said they were tequila. He said he hasn't had it since. He said he still drinks but not tequila.
Howard said they're going to play that segment today on Sternthology. He had some audio of Gary's call to 911 from that day.
Howard said Gary was good on that call. Fred said they should have had a stripper make that call. Gary said he wanted to ask the woman to put a guy on with him because she had to ask how to spell Scores. Howard said Fred walked right off the steps and onto his face. Fred said he went right from the top to the bottom. Robin said he was out before he even fell.
Howard did an impression of Gary calling 911 and telling them that Fred was partially erect and things like that.
Howard said his point was that the party went on. He said it was his call. He said it was a hell of a great bachelor party. He said they were back in full swing in minutes. He said they were able to get back into it without thinking about Fred.
Howard said the football fans wanted that game to go on. Robin said they still have to complete that game. Howard said it fucked up fantasy football for everyone. Gary said that game was big.
Howard said he thinks football is fucking crazy. He said it's big business though. Robin said people want to play it. She said they have plenty of players who want to play. Howard said all of the bets that were on that game were voided and people got their money back. Gary said they haven't said what they're going to do about this game. Robin said she heard it's still got to be completed. She said the game will somehow be played.
Howard said he hates to move on from this but he has a lot to get to today. He said he was just talking about how he thought the party should go on that night Fred fell.
Howard said he took his dad to the doctor and they asked him to repeat numbers back when he took a test after his stroke and he was able to remember numbers just fine. He said he can't even do that without a stroke.
Howard said he's afraid they'll ask him something and send him off to hospice right away. He said if he has early onset dementia he knows it'll get worse right away. He said he'll be on the air and asking who Robin is.
Howard said they say that 5-6 percent of people who have Alzheimer's show signs before the gage of 65.
Howard said he has to leave the house at some point. He said that he has a friend who taught him how to paint and they're about the same age and they hate going out. He said they both think they'll be dead. Robin said she's fine after going to Vietnam and all of those places. Howard said she lucked out. He said she gets lonely and she had to go out. Robin said she likes to do things. Howard said she got lonely. Robin said she did not. Howard said she played Russian Roulette and she won. He said that's all that was.
Howard said that whole thing sounded nuts to him. He said she went off to Southeast Asia. He said she should have gone to Italy instead. Robin said she thinks that's more dangerous.
Howard went into his bit about going to Vietnam and talking about this guy that Robin mentioned yesterday named Uncle Nam. He talked about how he was the one who took his eye and arm. He did the bit yesterday when they were talking about Robin's trip. Howard told a long made up story about how he found Uncle Nam and ended up taking his eye and arm. He said he used his arm to wave goodbye to him. He said he even used Uncle Nam's arm to jerk off that night. Robin said he may have taken his right arm but he could shoot left handed. Howard said he didn't know any better back then. He said he was lonely and that's why he used his arm to jerk off. He said he lost his mind down in those tunnels there in Vietnam.
Howard said he was proud of what he did back then and he sill uses Uncle Nam's finger to pick his nose. He said he wants Robin to take that arm and return it to him. He said that was just one story from his days in Vietnam. He said there are a lot of boogers stuck in the fingers and a lot of cum stains on the arm too. He said just don't shine a black light on it.
Howard said he has a lot of stories from Vietnam but this triggered him when Robin brought it up.
Howard talked about some of the women he met in Vietnam and had sex with. He said he fired his guns and his penis over there. He said he has kids there. He said if you ever see a monkey who looks like him he did not have sex with a monkey. He said this is too painful to talk about so he's done.
Howard said he mentioned his daughter lived over there. He said this isn't a made up story. He said that she lived there for 2 years and they were very loving to Americans. He said that they welcome soldiers who were there to come back and visit. Howard said it's interesting. Robin said the don't think about the hostilities. She said they're just happy to see another survivor. Howard said he thinks he'd be bigger if he was like Uncle Nam.
Howard went into another fake Vietnam story about a woman he met over there. He said that this woman was telling him about Agent Orange over there and he was the one responsible for spreading it over there. He said he used it to do his hair. He said he had plans to start a hair spray company using Agent Orange. He said he was going to put it in all the fire hydrants over there. He said he was one of the most effective killers in the war. He said he received 75 purple hearts while he was there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had to go back to Vietnam tomorrow and he had to take someone from the office to watch his back who would it be. He also wondered who he would not take for any reason. Howard said most of these people are a bunch of pussies and they don't know how to kill. Howard said he thinks he'd take Ronnie with him. He said there's something wrong with him. He said he thinks he would commit many war crimes. He said he thinks he'd be easy to influence. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie would be a viscous killer.
Howard said he had enough of that caller and hung up on him. Robin said she's shocked that he didn't take Fred. Howard said Fred isn't a killer. He said Ronnie has no conscience so he'd have to take him. He said he would not take Gary. He said he'd give away his position with those teeth. Howard said the real reason is that Gary would fall asleep on him in the middle of a gun fight. He said Gary has done that on trips he took with him. He said he would not bring Gary with him. Howard said you want someone to blend into the jungle. He said Gary is not that person.
Howard said he's not sure how his daughter heard him talking about that. He said that he's not sure he would have told her that. He said he thought that was kind of a funny story. He said he's glad he never did it. He said that would have been in his bio forever. He said they'd talk about it whenever they mention him in news stories and headlines.
Howard said he had a nice holiday. He said he's not sure what 2023 is going to bring. He said he was thinking about Elephant Boy being gone. Robin said Gary did a tribute to him on Facebook last night. Howard said he's not sure why he is doing that on Facebook. Gary said he does that for the Wrap Up Show. He said he does that kind of thing every Monday.
Howard said he's thinking about getting his Instagram going. He said he has a private account and he puts a few things up there. He said it's just paintings he does. He said he shares it with Robin and some people. Howard said he doesn't want people bumming him out with negative comments. He said he believes the trolls.
Howard said he was looking at this woman on DailyMail and there were people who were talking about how big her legs are. He said that they were right. He said they must be right. Gary said you can turn off commenting. He said he has done that and then he forgets to turn it off and people will start yelling at him for something he did 2 years go. He said people are nuts.
Howard said the only people who follow him are like Robin and Jimmy Kimmel and personal friends. He said his sister and kids too. He said there are only like 27 who follow him. He said it's kind of depressing because he has millions of fans. He said he was going to make his Instagram an artist account. He said he'd only do art on there. He said then he was thinking that some asshole is going to comment.
Howard said he took a picture of a tree the other day and if he posts it he knows the fans are going to say something. He said he has been debating back and forth about it. He said people like Benjy say he will regret going public with the account. He said Beth thinks it's a good idea. He said she thinks that it's okay if people want to comment.
Howard said the other day he was staring at a paper towel he wipes his paintbrush on and his wife thought it was interesting to post but he can just imagine what people would say about that. He said he'll see if he makes it public or not. He said he hasn't pulled the trigger.
Howard said he was going to share another side of himself but that's risky business. Robin said you're giving access so it's like you're asking for something. Howard said he can just imagine the comments about the paper towel. Robin said she thinks he'll last about a week and turn it off.
Howard said he sees his wife's account and it's kind of ridicule proof. He said it's a charity Instagram where she posts about animals to get them homes. He said you can't be a troll on there. He said if Beth posts something like this cat with no ears. He said this cat they just got came from a country called Oman. He said this cat is so sweet. He said it was beaten so hard that the eye popped out. He said the ears were cut off. He said that's how abused this cat was. He said they took the cat in and then the had some people adopt it. He said there's no way to be a troll with this account. He said then you go on and someone will call her out for not helping orphans. He said you don't know that they don't give those charities. He said people are fucking crazy.
Howard said he's watching this Kevin McCarthy trying to be speaker of the house. He said it's funny that he can't get it because some republicans won't vote for him. He said the reason is that they've let in so many kooks that they won't vote for him. He said they're so kooky that they won't vote for him. He said this guy wants it so bad but it just goes wrong. He said he ran a bunch of years ago and they brought in Paul Ryan who wasn't even in congress. He said this guy wants it so bad that they just won't give it to him. He said it's like he's the wedgy guy and he's getting a wedgy in front of the whole world.
Howard said that republican party is something. He said they let in all the crazy and now they're acting crazy. He said it's not surprising. Robin said they got the house back and now look at you.
Howard said he wanted to do that for Sam Kinison and take his body around. He said he doesn't think the family wanted that. He said they stepped in. He said he has on right to his body.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he once did what he wanted to do with the hospital. He said he had checked himself in and he was feeling suicidal. He said then they didn't let him go for 48 hours. Howard said he was going to do it as a publicity stunt and he was afraid that he wouldn't be let out. He said he kept his mouth shut.
The caller said he knows this George Santos guy. Howard said this is the guy who was elected to congress and he has lied a lot about his past apparently. He said they're not sure what to do with the guy. He said they don't want him to resign because they may lose a seat. He asked what this caller knows about Santos. The caller, Michael, said that he has something positive to say about him. Howard asked what that is. Michael said he did not vote for the man. He said he is a fire fighter and he was at Ground Zero. He said that he has an issue with his health from that. He said his broken bones don't heal and that's likely linked to his service there. Howard said no doubt. He said he knows people with all kinds of weird problems. He said it's crazy stuff.
Howard asked where they're going with this. Michael said that George Santos heard about it through the grapevine and he asked to come by for coffee. He said this was in the heat of the campaign. He said he was fine with that. He said Santos came by and stayed for over an hour. He said this condition is very isolating. He said Santos stayed for over an hour and he followed up with several texts. He said the guy read about his condition and he called him asked if he was feeling suicidal. He said no and Santos asked if he would tell him. He said he would. Michael said that Santos said he wanted him to call if he ever is feeling suicidal.
Michael said the one thing that happened is that he invited George and his partner over for diner and they canceled at the last minute when the food was already done. He said he should have given more notice.
Howard said he's not high on this guy. He said he read about a lot of things he lied about. He said that this was a lovely story though. He said they have a nice check mark on this story. Robin asked if he put him up to this call. Michael said not at all.
Michael said that he also asked him if he could help him with a GoFundMe and he said not during the campaign. He said he did agree to hold off until after the campaign. He said that he thinks he was doing the right thing so he just wanted to mention that. He said that he didn't vote for the guy but he did do some nice things for him.
Howard took a call from fake George Santos who turned out to be clips of Gilbert Gottfried doing some Jewish chants for him.
Howard thanked Michael for sharing that story. He said that was good to hear. Robin said maybe he really does want to help people when he's in congress. Michael said he did ask for a briefing paper and he wanted his first order of business to include the rescue workers in this health care plan.
Howard let Michael go after he got in a plug for his GoFundMe. He said his name is Michael Weinstock so you can search his name.
Howard said he has to talk about Elephant Boy but he has to take a break first. He did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and talked about this Verve song that was playing. Howard said it reminds him of ELO. Robin said she's not a big fan of ELO. Howard said they were good. Robin said she does like this song though. Howard said she can like Jeff Lynne though. Robin said it's alright, she doesn't need him.
Howard said he has a list of songs he likes and he has a list that's like 4000 long. He said he's not sure how many he has. Robin said there have been a lot of songs he's heard in his life.
Howard said he has so much to get to. He said they're way behind. He took a call from a guy who said he just got a new girlfriend and she's 19 and he's 25. He said she's a nice girl. He said she's fucked almost 10 people and he can't get it out of his head. He said he's kind of a sick fuck and his head is all fucked up from it. He asked if that has ever fucked Howard up. Howard said he's so grateful when someone wants to fuck him that he never asked. He said he never fucked a virgin. He said no girl wanted to lose her virginity to him. He said that he would thank god for letting him fuck someone. He said this caller, Matt, is 25 and that's fine to date a 19 year old. He said that if she has fucked 10 guys already that might actually be 20. He said he's not sure what this guy looks like. Robin asked how many women he's been with. Matt said maybe 20 but he's older.
Howard said he knows some girls start at 15 or so. He said 10 in 4 years. He said that's a bit... Matt said ''much!'' Howard said Chris Rock had a bit about that. He said that one is too many. He said just be grateful and enjoy it. He said that she's probably good looking.
Matt said he worries about her doing the same things with other guys that she does with him. Howard said if she's good in bed that can't be taught. He said there are certain women who can't blow a guy. He said there have been maybe 5-7 women who were able to do it right. Robin asked Howard how many he's been with. Howard said he's not sure. He said that he's been married a lot. He said maybe 30 women total. Howard said maybe 5 of them knew how to blow him. He said a blow job isn't that important to him. He said it's the sex that matters. He said when you meet a woman who can blow you and you cum immediately that's a sexual dynamo. He said he had that.
Matt said he met this girl and he ate her out and he hadn't fucked in a long time. He said he came while he was eating her out. Howard said he must have great sexual chemistry with this girl. He said that he has never done that even as horny as he is. He said that's crazy. Howard said that girl is a keeper. He said if you don't want her then pass her over to his guys. He said they'll love her long time.
Howard said he knew Beth was right for him because he didn't shoot his load too fast or too long. He said it was just right. He said it's like Goldilocks and the three bears. He said her snatch was just right.
Matt asked if he ever thought about the guys that she's been with. Howard said he knows her past. He said he knows what she did and didn't do. He said she didn't know him and she had her past. He said he doesn't think about it. He said he doesn't like thinking about it. He said that they must look at him and wonder how he got in their club.
Howard said this girl isn't hung up on his number so don't be hung up on her number. He said just go with it. He said it sounds like he's got something going there. Matt said this girl met him on TikTok and he has like 300,000 followers. He said that he has a house that is possessed and he met her through that account. He said this girl stuck out. He said he has had shows on TV and things.
Howard said he would love to believe that there are houses that are possessed but he doesn't believe it. He said not once did someone video a ghost. He said no one has. Matt said he has it on camera. Howard asked to see his account to see what's going on. Matt said his account on TikTok is @MattyMagaraci. Howard said he'll check it out. He said he will tell him that he thinks this girl fucked his brains out. Matt said he'll believe after he sees his videos. He said he has been trying to sell his house for 5 years and they can't sell it. He said that people will come in and say they have a bad vibe. He said they won't buy it. Howard said stop putting it up that it's haunted maybe.
Howard let Matt go a short time later. He said that he guarantees there are no ghosts there at that house.
The caller said it's not a handicap that much. He said you can't catch and do things like that. He said it has taken him a while to get used to it. Howard said that's interesting that he can't catch. He said his father had a catch with him and he took him to play catch and he hit him in the nuts. He said that he thought that he had missed the ball but maybe it was his vision. He said if he had any kind of relationship he would have talked to him about it.
Howard said his father never really talked about his glass eye. He said he looked different and that caused him pain too. The caller said that is a tough part of it. He said that there were some famous people with glass eyes. They talked about Sammy Davis, Sandy Duncan and others. Howard said he and his father never talked about it. He said he thinks his father was embarrassed that he had done this to himself. He said he doesn't know how old he was but he was a little kid.
Howard asked the caller if he wants to use his father's glass eye he's welcome to it. He said he's thinking of throwing it into the ocean. The caller said they're custom made so you can't just use it. Howard said his father had to wipe his eye a lot because it got dirty with mucus and things.
Howard said he's starting to learn from his mom now what his dad went through. He said that she liked that the eye would shine in the dark. Howard said his father didn't share stories with him. He said he was a hard core dude. He said he was very closed off emotionally. Robin said that ''Don't be stupid you moron'' and that may be what he thought of himself. Howard said that's interesting. He said he was thinking of doing a Cinderella thing with his mother. He said he was thinking of taking the glass eye door to door and finding someone it fits. The caller said he's up for it. He said he used to have a friend in college who would try it out.
Howard said his father had a stash of porn and he'd read them. He said he would remember exactly how the drawers were when he would find the porn. He said he'd get completely nude and jerk off. He said he had to remember exactly how it was arranged. He said he figured his dad would kill him if he found out. He said he would have literally killed him. He said he was playing with fire. He said one day he came across his spare glass eye. He said he wondered what the fuck it was. He said it was an eyeball but it had prongs on the side to keep it in place. He said his father would have killed him if he found out about the porn.
Howard said he didn't know where his dad got those books. He said he thinks his mom knew about it. He said he wanted his dad to get a computer to jerk off to. He said he had no idea how much porn was available.
Howard said he doesn't know but his dad had a rough life. He said he was always an excellent driver. The caller said he had a good left eye then. He said the right eye must have been the glass one. Howard said he actually doesn't know. He said he thinks most dads would have talked to their kids about that. Howard said his dad wasn't so bad compared to Robin's dad. He said he never had those problems.
Howard said he's always been uptight about eyes his whole life. He said he's done talking about it. He thanked the caller, Rob, for the call. Rob said if he ever talks to Fett Wap he has a glass eye so he should talk to him about that. Howard said that's interesting.
Howard talked to Rob about telling people about his eye and walking around the house without it. Rob said he doesn't think he would do that in public. He said he has an eye patch he can wear. Howard asked if he would ever put a golf ball in there as a joke. Rob said he has asked his Ocular to do something fun like that. He said she has artistic integrity. He said she won't do it. He said they paint the eyes to look real. Howard said he can get him a Howard 100 logo eye. Rob said he needs that. He said he needs a few. Howard let Rob go a short time later.
Howard said to have as many hit songs as they have is amazing. He said he wishes he could write just one. He said to write this many all by yourself... He played some ''Love Reign O'er Me'' and sang along with that.
Robin said they met Pete back stage one time and she just drooled. Howard said he tries to forget about that.
Howard said everyone loved the staff telling stories about visiting Ronnie out in Las Vegas. Howard said people wrote in about JD spending money at the strip club. Howard had a few things he read through about that.
Howard read through some feedback about Robin's trip to Southeast Asia. Some people wrote in about the food that Robin saw out on the streets. Robin said they have some interesting toilets over there. She said they have holes in the ground that you squat over. Howard went into his Vietnam Vet character and told some stories about shitting in holes over there. He said he used bamboo to wipe. He said he would also use the ears of the guys he just killed as toilet paper too.
Howard said these are horror stories so he'd rather not talk about it. Robin said over there she would open the stall and they had no toilet paper. She said one day they walked out and there was a huge roll on the wall on the way to the stall. She said you're supposed to take it before walking into the stall. Howard said that's crazy. Robin said it's on the wall on your way to the stalls. Robin said that she was warned about it and she was given a wipe by this person she was with. She said she found the toilet paper after she went.
Robin said one place you weren't able to flush the toilet paper. She said they had a little can to throw it in. Robin said her friend broke her toilet while they were there. She said she didn't know what to do. Howard said this sounds like a great vacation. Robin said it was just one hotel in the jungle. She said there is a problem with the plumbing there.
Tara said he should embrace being 6'5'' tall. Howard said he can't. He said it's impossible. He said at this point he thinks he's up straight but his head is leading. He said he can't help it. Robin said part of that is from being on radio and leaning into the microphone. Howard said that's right, it was radio that did it to him. He said don't get into radio. Howard let Tara go and said everyone should love him more than Robin.
Howard said Bobo left a message about Elephant Boy and he sounds like he wrote out whatever he said. He said that's what Gary said. Gary said he really does sound like Luca Brasi from The Godfather. Howard played The Godfather clip and talked about the scene and who the guy was in the movie. Howard said the guy was a dimwit.
Howard said this is Bobo delivering his 2 cents on Elephant Boy. Howard played the clip and Bobo did sound like he was reading his comments. Fred played The Godfather theme over the speech. Howard said nothing sums it up more than that. Robin said he's ''Bobo Brasi.'' Howard laughed and took a call from Bobo who said he has to write down his thoughts or he'll lose them. Howard said that is the greatest. He goofed on Bobo about what he wrote. Bobo said he loves going to the beach to listen to the show. He said the waves take all your negativity away. Howard did his impression of Bobo as Bobo Brasi reading his comments about Elephant Boy.
Howard said Bobo mentioned wrestling in the comments. He said wrestling is so fake. He said they don't even try to make it look real. He said it's insulting to anyone with an IQ over 80. He said you're mentally ill if that entertains you. Bobo said we all know it's fake. He said it's entertaining though. Howard said it's just insanity.
Howard asked Bobo when he realized wrestling is fake. Bobo said it was some years ago. Bobo said that they really do get hurt. Howard said that he won't answer. Bobo said about 8 years ago. Howard laughed and asked how old he is. Bobo said he's 69. Howard said he finally realized it was fake when he was 60 years old. Howard said it took him that long huh? He asked if it was devastating when he learned it. Bobo said no. He said he was teetering on the edge about it. He said he knew they were scripted.
Gary said the announced it was fake in 1989. He said Bobo still thought it was real. Bobo said he must have missed that one. Howard asked Bobo if he has ever heard of the tooth fairy. Bobo said he has. Howard asked if he believes that's real. Bobo said no, c'mon.
The guys played Bobo off with a song parody. Howard wished him a happy new year. He let him go a short time later. Bobo said he has a resolution for the new year. Howard said he can call in tomorrow if he wants. Howard moved on after that.
Howard said they heard from Angry Alice and Bobo. He said that High Pitch Erik wants to talk about Elephant Boy too. He said those two hated each other. He took Erik's call and asked Erik for this thoughts. Erik wished them all happy new year. He said he knows he and Fred never got along and they had problems in the past. He said it's very sad that he passed away. Howard asked why he's upset. He said he didn't like the guy. Howard asked what he did to him. Erik said that he did something to him on Twitter. He said Fred didn't back off on him. He said he was saying stuff about his mother after she passed away. Howard said Elephant Boy told them that he had buried the hatchet months before he died. Erik said they did make amends after the People's Court thing. He said that Elephant Boy will be missed. He said Bobo is very fake too. He said that he never called Fred before he passed. He said he and Mariann tried to reach out. He said Elephant Boy was at Thanksgiving with him and Mariann one year.
Howard asked why Bobo can't be upset about Elephant Boy dying. Erik said Bobo does not show respect to Mariann. Howard said they're talking about Elephant Boy here but now he's starting a feud with Bobo. He said it's odd to do that.
Howard said we're hearing about this and then Erik brings up Mariann. Erik said she's his Godmother. Howard said he has a bone to pick with Erik. He said he did a great job on Hollyweird Squares. He said they sent him a microphone and some equipment to use. He said they all returned it but Erik didn't. He said he's keeping it to do a podcast. He said that he decided that it's his. He asked how he has the nerve to do that. Erik said he's going to return it later this week. He said he isn't stealing it.
Gary said he sent him two emails yesterday asking to keep it. He asked what changed today. Erik said he knew that Howard would get pissed. Gary asked why it had to be Howard getting upset. Erik said he's going to buy a cheap microphone himself. Howard said he likes Erik but he's always angling for something.
Howard took a call from Mariann who said she thinks Erik is very protective of her. She said that she did talk to Elephant Boy in November and she's shocked that he's gone. She said she called Fred on December 15th and he didn't answer. She said she didn't know he had passed already. She said she kept in touch with him like a true friend. She said that Bobo is right to praise him too. She said that he brought so much to the show. Howard said that was a nice eulogy. Mariann said that her highlight this year was going up to the studio with the fans on Halloween. She said that she became friends with Angela Muto too and it's been a rough couple of days. Howard let her go after playing her off with some music.
Howard said Beth tells him that she's ''Clean, clean, clean'' which is from her modeling days. He said Richard is ''dirty, dirty, dirty'' all the time. He asked Richard if his wife is clean or dirty like him. Richard said he gets clean before that kind of thing. He said he'll shower at home but he'll walk to the office. He said that's why he sweats. Howard asked if his wife is the first woman he ever fucked. Richard said not the first but there haven't been many. He said he thinks 4. He said it's 5 all together. Howard said he's not a bad looking guy. He said he thinks he struck out because he stinks.
Howard said one time Richard sat in a homeless mans shit on the subway and he just wiped it off and went too his destination instead of going home.
Amber said that she got her man to cum 20 times in 30 hours and she got sore from all of that. Howard said she's very sexed up and she's abnormal. He said she's a freak. Richard said she's such a freak she wants Richard and Sal. Howard said if you don't want your pussy to hurt you can't do those kind of things.
Howard said when he was a young man he had a girlfriend who was very sexual and they would have sex 5 times a day. Amber said that's normal. Howard said it's really not. He said he was just 18 and she was 20 something. Howard said that Amber is having so much sex in a day that she may need a piece of her brain removed to slow her down a bit. He let her go and did a live commercial read before going to break.
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Howard came back and sang along with Miley. He said he sings really well. He said he had a fantasy that the world would end when he died. He said he realizes that life has been pretty good to him. He said he was watching, or reading the headline about, the 60 Minutes thing about how life on earth isn't sustainable. He said it hasn't been since 1970 when we had 3 billion people on the planet. He said we have too many people now. He said we don't have enough food. He said since 1970 we're up to 8 billion people. He said everything is being used up. Robin said we make nothing but trash. Howard said he realizes that he may live another 20 years at most and the world may end. Howard said he may have something wrong with him because he's sleeping a lot. He said that he walks an hour a day. He said he does weights 3 times a week. He said he gave up on the Peloton. He said it's good for you but then his knee hurts. He said there's something with that bike.
Howard said he has to do something. Robin suggested a few things but Howard said he can't lay flat on his back or anything.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was Santa telling him to play those packages and don't be a naughty boy. Howard said he should do that.
Howard said he thinks Andy Cohen does a good job on CNN. He said that Anderson Cooper is no fun. He said he would start talking about horrible atrocities in the world when Andy was trying to be fun. He said he loves Anderson Cooper but it's like two opposites on that special. He said they have nothing in common. He said that Andy wants to gossip and drink and Anderson is talking about the horrible things in the world.
Howard said this year CNN said Andy can't drink on the air. He said that most of us are smart enough to know that when he is being goofy it has nothing else to do with CNN the rest of the year. He said we get it. He said maybe just scratch the whole thing and do a review of the year or something.
Howard said Andy ends up getting drunk and saying shit. He said something about Ryan Seacrest last year and got in trouble over that. He said the back story is that the new chairman and CEO of CNN is this guy Chris Licht. He said he must have gotten goofed on as a kid with that name. He said this guy told staffers that on camera drinking is damaging their respectability. He said that Kevin Hart got on the show and said he was upset that they didn't let Andy drink and he started cursing. Howard played some audio of Kevin getting upset over the drinking thing. He cursed a few times and they tried to censor it but they missed it a few times.
Robin said Anderson's giggle is hysterical. She said that's him laughing. Howard said he does giggle.
Howard said he thinks Andy should have drank anyway. He said he knows they're paying him nothing to do that show. He said he has to Google it to find out what they're paying him. He asked Siri to look it up. He didn't find anything. He said Siri sucks. Robin said she doesn't even talk to her anymore. Howard asked what the fuck. He said he bets they pay him almost nothing.
Howard played a few clips from the Andy and Anderson show. He had a clip from last year when Andy was drunk and from this year when he was sober and reading depressing fan comments.
Howard said what a party that is. Anderson was reading a note from a woman who lost someone to suicide.
Howard said Gary just slipped him a note saying that he knows Chris Licht. He said he used to be the producer of the Stephen Colbert show. Robin said now he's running CNN? Howard said he is. He said they fired Jeff Zucker for having a girlfriend or something. Robin said he didn't report it to HR.
Howard said Chris took over in May of 2022. He said you don't see Colbert getting wasted on air. Robin said that those were pretty depressing notes to read on New Year's Eve. Howard said Chris saw Colbert being funny without drinking so he figured these guys could do it.
Howard said maybe they can get rid of Andy and Anderson and just read the names of people who died in 2022 and the way they died.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that CNN has just gotten bad. He said they have ruined nighttime. He said they're worried about their drinking over there. He said they had issues with hearing people over there too. He said they lost connection with 3 people. He said they don't have Don Lemon on at night anymore. Robin said they put him on in the morning. Ralph said that Jack Tapper is really annoying and he's on at night now.
Howard said you have to hear this clip. He said Andy wasn't able to drink and Anderson brought up how people are being hanged in Iran. Howard played a clip where they were talking about that. Anderson got into details about how they do the hangings there and make it really brutal.
Howard said he loves Anderson but he can't imagine he's very fun at a party. He said Andy is over there just wishing he could have a drink. Ralph said that was at like 12:05. He said he tuned into Miley Cyrus right after that. He said she looked incredible that night. Howard said she's been wearing some really cute outfits lately. He said he talked about that with her. He said she's showing off her body. Howard said you have to almost get nude when you're out there entertaining.
Howard said he went through his shirts but his belly is wiggling around under then so he got rid of all of these shirts. He said he'll never be in that shape again like he was when he was on America's Got Talent. Ralph said Howard has to get on a Keto diet and the fat will come right off you. He said you should be burning fat and he would if he did this. Howard said he goes by calories. He said it's calories in and calories out. Robin and Ralph said that's not true. Robin said it's different types of calories.
Howard said Ralph is coming over to his house on Friday. He said he's having him tested. He said he's going to be there to measure him. He said he looks like he's got everything. He said he's coming over with another dude who will measure him up for some new clothes. He said Ralph doesn't need to be there but he's his stylist. He said he will supervise the other guy. Robin said it's just a guy using a tape measure. Ralph said fine, he'll stay in Florida.
Howard said he's having both of them tested on the road on their way to him. He said they'll wear masks and they'll be in the garage. He said he's not having them in the house.
Howard said it's going to be depressing to get measured. He said he has to do this for his daughter's wedding. Ralph said he can lose weight between now and then. He said some measurement won't change.
Howard said Ralph said to him that he is not a homosexual. Robin said she thought that he'd come out by the age of 40. Howard said Ralph told him to tell him what Ashley's colors are so he can match up the suit. Howard said he's not matching up the suit. He said he's wearing a black tuxedo. Ralph said she must have a theme. Howard said stop it. He said get out of here. Howard said he has no reason to believe that he is homosexual. He said he can't think of many guys that think of colors at a wedding.
Howard said Ralph proved to him he wasn't gay when he shaved his belly and didn't blow him. He said it doesn't matter to him if he's gay or not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a psychotherapist and he was working with a woman with OCD and he took out his book and told her to listen to Howard and read his book. He said he ended up trying to get an autograph from Hoard's parents at the recreation center where they used to square dance. Howard said he knows that place. He said he got beaten up there once. He said it was some biker types who came over and beat him and his friends up. He said he was in high school at the time. He said he went to a JDL meeting after that. He said those guys were not fucking around. He said he got tired of getting beaten up.
The caller said that his parents came up to him and his father asked if he likes his son. He said no, he loves him. He said his father loved signing his autograph for him but his mother didn't like it. He said his father was so happy to do it. Howard said he's glad he gave him a smile for him. The caller said love was coming out of him for Howard. He said he thanks him for that. Howard said he is so glad someone saw his love for him since he didn't. Howard said he has to get out of there. He said he could sit there all night. Robin said it's day time and it's just Wednesday. Howard said there is something wrong with him.
Howard said the Hollyweird Squares segment is up on the SiriusXM app. He said there were a lot of great people on that day. Howard said it was a great game. He said you'll love it. He tried to say ''the SXM App'' and said they have to come up with a better name. He said they should just call it Howard. He said they should drop the XM part or something.
Howard said there are so many people on the phone. He said this guy has genital warts and has to break the news to his wife. Howard said what you have to do is make up a story about it. Howard said just tell her he got them in college and they came back or something. The caller, Sam, said he did cheat on his wife and that's what Howard was thinking. Howard said he has to come clean to her. Howard asked if he gave them to his wife. Sam said he did. He said that they are starting to shift and that's how he noticed them. He asked if he's stuck with them the rest of his life or what. Robin said she thinks they can burn them off. Howard asked if that cures them. Robin said she's not sure. She said all she knows if they're burning something off her it had better be a cure.
Howard said he has a suggestion. He said how about calling an actual doctor. Robin said we're bozos. Sam said he has been to one. He said he has to get a specialist. Howard asked what he's going to do now. He asked if his wife is going to leave him. Sam said he has two teen age kids and it is possible. He said that she very well could. Howard said he thinks he has to tell her. Robin said sometimes you come out to your family and just tell a horrible story and then you say just kidding, I'm just gay. Howard said he has to think about maybe not being in love with his wife and this is how you get out of it. He said he knows guys who stray and still love their wives though.
Howard said he should go get those warts taken off as soon as possible. He said he had a wart on his hand as a kid and his mother took him to a dermatologist and they ended up burning the fucker off. Sam said it's on his ween. Howard said he knows but he has to do something.
Howard asked how often he has sex with his wife. Sam said it's pretty regular. He said he has it 2 or 3 times a week. He said he cheated because it's hard to control himself. He said he was at a strip club. Howard said he figured. Robin said this is what JD wishes he could get.
Howard said he has some guys on the phone to give him advice. He had a doctor up first. The doctor told them that they can burn or freeze them off. He said he'll have this virus the rest of his life though. He can infect people and can spread it. He said that you can have it for years and not have symptoms. He said it's been implicated in female cancers so the wife needs to do something about it. Howard said he should do something about it. He said you can blame the wife and say she gave it to him and reverse it.
Howard asked the doctor if he can lie to the wife and blame it on her. The doctor said that he doesn't think so. He said Sam could have had this virus for 10 years and it's just coming out now. Howard said then he can blame it on her. He said he could blame it on a witch that cursed him.
Howard said he thinks Sam owes it to his wife to tell her. He said maybe you can go with saying you've had it for 10 years and it just came out.
Howard asked Sam what he's going to do. Sam said he's going to come clean. He said he has to. Howard asked him to tape it so they can hear. Sam said he'll call in if they want him to. Howard said that's fabulous and told him to set it up. He let Sam go.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she got genital warts from a bartender she was with just one time. She said she had no symptoms for a long time. She said she has a child with a man now and she spread them to him. She said it didn't show up for a while. She said it was so bad and they had to find a doctor. Howard asked what it looked like. She said he noticed them first and it was so bad. She said she knew exactly what it was but she couldn't tell him.
Howard said if you're just tuning in it's Wart Wednesday there. He asked if they burned the warts off. The caller, Jennifer, said that they didn't. She said the tried over the counter wart stuff. She said it went away eventually. She said that HPV can go away after about 2 years. She said that it went away. Robin said the doctor just said it can come back though. Howard said he never wants to have sex again. He said there are too many people in the world. He said this is what he was talking about earlier. He said this woman is laughing through it all. Jennifer said it was 10 years ago.
Howard said he likes that this woman just let that bartender guy stick his dick in her when it was all bumpy. He said just stick it in her. He said she must be really horny.
Howard let Jennifer go and said he had to end it before he got warts over the phone. Robin said they were trying to end the show and they ended up talking about warts.
Howard said he has to go. He said next Wednesday J.B. Smoove will be on. Howard ended the show after taking a call from a caller doing a call like Jennifer where she was laughing about everything she told them. They were done around 10:40am.