Howard said there's been a lot going on in the last 2 weeks. He said there was a very serious story he has to talk about. He said he's talking about The Bachelor. He said the finale was insane. He said he's sure when people watch it they want him to comment on it. He said there was a big story about the Super Blow. He said he has an update on that. He said he may have to start the show with that. Robin said that didn't even cross her mind during those two weeks they were off.
Howard said he was going to start with a Jeff the Drunk update but he thinks he will start with Super Blow. Robin said she almost forgot about that. She said she remembered it was High Pitch Erik and Debbie the Cum Lady. Howard said it's kind of a heart warming story actually. Robin asked if that's true. Howard said it is.
Howard had all kinds of ''Super Blow'' clips he was playing. Howard said when you're away for 2 weeks he has such a huge agenda that it's almost paralyzing. He said he's not sure where to start. He said the show is going to be 17 hours long with everything he has to talk about. He said he has Super Blow, the Bachelor finale and some Ukraine maybe. He said he has a lot. He said he's not going to talk about Ukraine. He said everyone knows Putin is an asshole. He said the guy is blowing up innocent people for no good reason. He said the guy has all the power he wants. Robin said he doesn't obviously. Howard said the guy has a wife and 3 kids and you'd think he'd have some heart. Robin said he doesn't care about people at all apparently. Howard said they're saying that they have at least 7,000 Russian troops who were killed already. He said when people start seeing them coming back in body bags it's going to affect the country. He said we saw that with Viet Nam.
Howard said he has to get the big story. He said they have to get to the main event of Super Blow. He said this story has so many twists and turns. He said it's so mind blowing. He said it's full of questions and they may need 2 hours to explain it. He said it's mind boggling. He said they have a lot to do.
Howard said Debbie the Cum Lady was supposed to blow High Pitch Erik in a hotel room in Florida. He said she booked the hotel for 3 days. He said her whole plan was to suckle Erik for 3 days. He said Erik was bragging he was getting in shape and dropping some weight. Robin said he wasn't masturbating. Howard said he claimed he was going to drop 10 loads a day. He said the big question is if Erik came when he met Debbie. He said Debbie is an attractive woman and you'd expect she'd be beastly but she's not. He said it's quite amazing that she was willing to do this with Erik who looks like Jabba the Hutt. He said Erik has never cum on the show even though they tried to help him get laid.
Robin said Debbie considered this the challenge of a lifetime. She said she said she'd be depressed if she failed. Howard said Robin took blow job lessons from a porn web site and some women it doesn't come naturally to. He said it comes naturally to Debbie. He said it's fair to say that Debbie's reputation was at stake. He said that she was into big guys and she figured it was a challenge to get him to cum. He said this has been like a decade in the making. He said that she has fantasized about this since 2011. He said she was excited about it way back then. He played a clip from back then when she explained that.
Howard said Debbie took this seriously even back then. He said the blow job took place. He said it happened on the 13th and Debbie blew him on that night.
Howard said they have a lot of questions so the should get to them now. He had a clip of Debbie talking to Sal Governale about this. He said this might be the most shocking thing on the show ever. Robin said she thinks that he's going to say he has to rest a while and she has to talk him into it. Howard asked if she thinks he cums at all. Robin said no. Howard said she has no idea. He said get excited to hear the shocking conclusion to this story.
Howard played a clip of Debbie talking to Sal about the first night. Debbie was talking about how they went to the hotel after dinner and she showed Erik the ass toys she brought. She said he got hard and took his pants down. She said she was hard as a rock and he was not small. She went into detail about everything she did with him. She said he had no odor at all and he was loving it.
Howard said he has to tell Robin something. He said if you think they're putting them on they sent them video of this. He said he has to tell you that he watched it for maybe 30 seconds and he had to stop. He said he was going to show Robin some but he's not sure if he should. He said Erik was hard as a rock. He said he has a very strange cock but it was there in the room. He said when it's hard it's there. He said it's a tiny curved thing like a horse cock. He asked Sal what he thinks it looks like. Sal said it's like the Alien in the movie when it comes out the first time. He said it kind or curves in. Howard said it curves towards his chin. He said it's kind of curved back. He said he may have to show her.
Howard said Erik's cock looks like it's straining very much to get every centimeter out. He said it's not very big. He said there's a lot of struggle there. Sal said it looks like it wants to get away from his body. He said it's very strange. Howard said it looks like it's being stretched by something. He said it's such a waste of money that Erik did with that gastric bypass surgery. He said it was waste of time.
Howard said Debbie is a very good looking woman. He asked Sal if he's right about that. Sal said he is. Howard had some audio from the first night of blowing. Debbie was doing her thing and Erik was talking to her saying he wanted to make her feel good. He had to take a break in that clip. Howard said he's not sure what he was doing there. He said it's a very chatty blow job session.
Howard said he noticed that her technique was fantastic. He said he thinks he would have cum in 5 seconds. Sal said they have seen thousands of hours of blow jobs and Debbie is very good at what she does. Howard said she's blowing disgusting Erik. He said he might have to show Robin the video. Robin said she might have to see it. Howard said she's doing so many things with him. He said he's done if you tug on him.
Howard said the big question is did he finish with her that night. Howard played a clip and Debbie said no. She said they were going to do more that night and she had some toys to use on him. She said she had things to put up his ass to help her out. She said she thinks she will make him cum.
Robin said she was right when she said no. Howard said she was. He said she always wants to win. Howard said Erik asked to take a break and they never resumed.
Howard asked Erik why he took that break. Erik said he was getting tired from it taking so long. He said he didn't want to finish. He said he had to take a break. Howard said he said he was getting tired but he was laying on his back so what was he tired from. Erik said it was taking him a long time to cum so he had to take a break. Robin said he said in the clip he felt like he was going to cum. Erik told her not to play stupid with him. Howard said he has to put him on hold and get back to him in a few minutes. He said he just needed an answer on that.
Howard said Debbie should have been the tired one. He said she was working at that really hard. Howard said it sounded like Erik was really enjoying himself.
Howard played a clip of Erik talking about how long it was taking him to get it done. Sal told him to think about John Stamos when he's doing it next time. Howard said he has some stills from the video for Robin to look at. Robin said she thinks she can handle that. Howard had some shots for her to check out. Robin was laughing and saying ''Oh my goodness.'' She said it's not huge but it's bigger than she thought.
Howard said Fred is masturbating while they look at the pictures. He said he came already. He said he has no problem.
Howard said on day 2 they talked to Erik again. He said Sal thinks that he took something to help him get hard. He said he was very flush looking in that video. Robin asked if Debbie stayed the night or did she leave. Sal said they did spend the night together and in the same bed. Sal said Erik did snore but did not fart in bed.
Howard asked if Robin thinks Debbie got Erik to cum the second day. Robin said she's going to say no. Sal laughed. Howard said this is day 2 of this extravagant weekend. Howard played a clip of Sal talking to Debbie about the second night. Debbie said she blew him and sucked him and he did not cum. Sal asked what was going through her mind. She said she was depressed. She said she wasn't able to get him to cum. She said she might have to use more motion lotion or more vibrator because Erik loves that.
Howard said Erik was baffled by this and he explained. He played a clip of Erik talking about how maybe he was backed up or it was his nerves. He said he tried thinking of John Stamos but that didn't work. Howard said maybe Stamos is losing his looks.
Howard said this is unbelievable. He asked Erik what he thinks is going on. Erik said he thinks it's the mediations he takes. Howard said he thinks he has to get a blow job from a guy. Erik said don't say that. He said her blow job was amazing. He said she used a vibrator on him and it was amazing.
Howard said he has more story to tell so he's putting Erik on hold again. Robin said the only thing she's been wrong about is him getting it up. She said she didn't think that would even happen.
Howard said on day 3 Erik did not cum again. He said this is poor Debbie's closing statement. He played the clip and Debbie said this is going to take a while to get over. She said she wants to see him again and she can't let this go. She said she has to get him to cum. She said that he liked the prostate toys so maybe he's bisexual. She said she told him there's nothing wrong with that. Howard said unfortunately Erik must be into dudes. He said that he might be 110 percent into dudes. Robin said they can't get a straight answer from Erik about if he ever cums. Howard said Debbie suggested that he jerk off into her mouth and he declined that.
Howard got Erik and Debbie on the line. He asked if Erik really cums at home. Erik said he does. He said he plays with himself and he cums. Howard asked what that means. Erik said it's white and it comes out of his penis. Howard asked if he's seen it. Erik said he has. Howard said he said the other day that he has never seen it. Erik said it's white. Howard asked him to swear on his mother's life that he's seen his own cum. Erik did that.
Howard asked Debbie why she thinks he wouldn't jerk off into her mouth. Debbie said he said he's really not good at that and he doesn't really jerk off. She said she told him there's nothing to be ashamed about with that. Howard said Erik doesn't jerk off them. Erik said sometimes he does.
Howard said he thinks this is because Erik is into dudes. Erik said he thinks it's the medication. Debbie said it's not the medications. She said she has been with other guys on medications and they're fine.
Howard said in a bigger twist he's going to play tape from a podcast where Erik went on and told the host that he came twice with Debbie. Howard said this was on the KVJ After Show. Howard played the clip and Erik went through the details and he claimed he came in 5 seconds. He said he titty fucked her and came in 2 seconds.
Howard said this is more shameful than not cumming. Erik said he did that because he wanted to save the truth for him. Howard said Debbie is a very good looking woman. He asked if she took her clothes off at all. She said she did take her top off and she had him tit fuck her. She said he did enjoy the ass toys she had for him. She said she didn't put them up his ass. She said he did love her rubbing them around his cock. Howard said the ass toy is the shape of a penis so that's why he liked it around his penis. Erik said he doesn't understand. Howard said he got off on the ass toy because it was like a penis around his penis.
Howard asked why Erik didn't let her put her tongue down by his ass. Erik said he's never had that before. Howard said she's one in a billion so there's not much chance of anyone else wanting to do that to him. Erik asked if he thinks he didn't cum because of the medications. Robin said he already asked that and the answer has been no. Howard said he was hard and she was blowing him and he still didn't cum. He said it has to be that he's into men. Erik said he's not into men. Howard said when Chris Wilding was in the room he didn't need Viagra. He said he jerks off to Donnie Wahlberg. He said the other thing is that he references is John Stamos.
Howard asked Chris Wilding to come on. Chris said he could make Erik cum in 5 minutes. Erik said no way. He said there's not way. Howard said Erik came when he was having phone sex with Chris. Erik said he thinks he can cum with Debbie over Chris over the phone. Robin said he had Debbie right there and he could have done it then. Erik said it was their first time meeting.
Howard asked Chris if he would welcome Erik into the gay life. Chris said he would. He said he thinks Erik thinks gay is a bad thing but it's not. He said he thinks he'd fit into the gay Bear community. Erik said he had a hard cock with Debbie.
Howard asked if he would let Chris jerk him off to see if he's gay. Erik said no. Chris said he's cum when he was blown by a woman so he's less gay than Erik is.
Howard had fake Dan Rather come in to explain what he saw down there with Debbie and Erik. Fake Dan went on and on about the unspeakable things he saw that will leave him scarred for a lifetime. He went into detail about the things he saw on scene down there with Debbie and Erik. He said it was worse than the Challenger space shuttle disaster. He went into details about what he saw down there in the room. He saw sex toys and many other things to put in his ass.
Howard asked Debbie to talk about the smell. He said that Erik is very large and he can't imagine that the smell got better over 3 days. Debbie said she was trying to mentally and physically boost Erik. She said he has a smell of pee to him and a cigar smell. She said he puts a ton of cologne on. She said he has to wash because it's a bad smell with the cigar smell. She said it's a little too much. She said she was trying to help in any way she could so she didn't mention that.
Howard asked Erik if he had any bowel movements down there. Erik said he did but he used baby wipes. Howard asked if he cleaned up well after that. Erik said he did. Howard asked why the odor of pee. Erik said he doesn't know. Howard said he must dribble in his underpants. Dan said he had to put Vick's Vaporub on his nose to block the smell.
Howard asked Debbie if she had to back off and get fresh air. Debbie said she did. She said she had to take some breaks and it was a little too much. She said she had to make him cum so she was willing to do whatever she had to do. Howard asked why Erik didn't take finger play down there. Debbie said he may have been worried about what she'd find. Howard said he thinks she was going to pull out a plumb. Erik said not at all. He said he was naked. Debbie said that's not true. She said he kept his underpants on and she didn't get to his taint.
Howard said Erik didn't even pull his underwear off. Erik said he pulled them halfway down. Howard asked why not just take them off. Erik said he doesn't know. He said he took them halfway down. Howard asked why not all the way. Debbie said they weren't even down to his balls. She said she wasn't able to get to his balls. Howard asked Debbie what she thinks the reason is. Debbie said she thinks it was the odor that he was worried about. She said she has spoken to other guys about this. She said other guys are on medication and they have no issues. She said there's noting wrong with being gay and he didn't have a full hard on cock. She said most guys are ready to go and he wasn't. She said he wanted to do it once a day. She said it shouldn't have been that hard to get this done. She said that most guys who don't cum in a month are ready to go in seconds.
Erik said as soon as she took the toys out and as soon as they got started he got so hard. Debbie said he got hard from the ass toys. Erik said she has a great body.
Sal asked Debbie if a man has ever asked her to take a break. Debbie said no. She said they're ready to keep going. She said that she'll keep going with them.
Howard asked Erik if anything turned him off to Debbie. Erik said not at all. Debbie said he loved the ass toys and he was loving all of that. She said she thinks it shouldn't have been this difficult with him. She said most guys can finish very quickly. Erik said he wants to try again when she comes up there in the fall. Chris said it's useless and nothing will happen.
Howard said he saw Erik with Chris in the studio and he almost raped Chris in his pickup truck. Erik said Debbie is much prettier than Chris. Debbie said that didn't help him cum though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Erik was given a golden opportunity and he blew it. He said he needs Debbie's number. Howard said from what he saw in the video he doesn't think he ever saw a woman give a better blow job than she did. He said even if he was a gay man he thinks he'd cum. Chris said Debbie had to get in there at a strange angle because Erik has such a big belly.
Robin said she knew that this was going to go this way when she heard that they had to have dinner first. She said if a guy is desperate for a blow job you don't have to have dinner first.
Howard asked Erik why he had dinner first. Erik said they were both hungry and he had a long drive there. Debbie said most guys would want the blow job first. She said most guys can wait for food. Howard said he'd want one before and after dinner. Robin said he does not act like a heterosexual man. Chris said there's nothing wrong with that. Erik said stop saying he's gay.
Howard asked Debbie if she knows any guys who are as into this as she is. Debbie said she does not.
Fake Dan Rather was talking about the things he's seen in war and how they compare to this.
Howard asked Debbie if this was her Vietnam. She said it was her nightmare. Howard said life hasn't been easy. She said there are no words. She said that she can't even explain it. Debbie said he snores and he has restless leg syndrome too. Chris said he's trying to kick her away from him.
Howard said he heard that Mark the Bagger and Jeff the Drunk might be available to her. He asked Erik what's up with his leg. Erik said he didn't know he had this problem. Debbie said it was like a vibrating bed. She said it was wild. She said it was both legs. Dan said it was 7.9 on the Richter scale.
Howard asked Erik if he knew there was an odor down there. Erik said he did not. He said he wants to apologize to her for not fulfilling her fantasy. He said that in October he will not disappoint. Howard asked if she wants that. Debbie said that she will be up there and he should think that he's maybe bisexual or gay and there's nothing wrong with that. Erik said he doesn't want a guy to blow him. Howard asked Debbie if she would consider transitioning. She said that will never happen.
Howard said the smell of cigar is horrible even outside. He said people have too much perfume and cologne on too. He said he wants to ban it all. He said minimalism is the best way to go. He said he got rid of his cologne. He said he had some bottles and he got rid of them. He said he'd bet that Erik put some on his balls. Debbie said he did not.
Fake Dan said that he doesn't think he can cover this again. He said his eyes were burning when he was in the room with them. He said he's having a hard time finding joy in anything anymore. He said this has broken him. Howard asked if he has been able to be with this wife after this. Fake Dan said he has not. He said he needs years of therapy to get over this. He said Debbie may need some therapy too. Debbie said this did hurt her so she may need to talk to someone. He said this hurt her.
Chris asked if she has blown anyone since Erik. She said she had to. She said she got some loads that day. Howard asked how long it was. She said she thinks she worked on Erik for 10 minutes and it was becoming too much. She said he wasn't staying hard. Howard asked what she did when she went to the other guy. She said it was maybe an hour and a half. Howard asked if that guy smelled of pee too. She said no. She said she would not put up with that. Sal asked if he asked for dinner first. She said no to that too. She said that he took his pants all the way down too. Chris said there's nothing more insulting than when someone goes soft while you're blowing them. He said he can feel for her with that. Debbie said it didn't feel good. Fake Dan broke down crying for her.
Erik said in October he'll stop smoking for a week and he won't smoke while she's there.
Howard took a call from a guy who thinks Erik wanted to be a gentleman and he was living out a fantasy of having a relationship. Howard said Debbie paid for dinner both nights to that's not what was going on there. Howard asked Erik cold have picked up the tab for dinner. Erik said that she wanted to pay because he drove from New York. Robin said that wont stop all men from stepping up. She said most men wouldn't have let her pay for dinner. Chris said he's gay and cheap. Erik said he's not gay and this isn't about Chris. Debbie said he also wanted to watch baseball the whole time. She said it was just men running around.
Howard said Erik waited months for this and he put baseball on. Erik said it was spring training. Howard said this is amazing to him. He said he put this on while he was getting his blow job. Howard asked if he took out his phone during the blow job. Erik said he did. Robin said he's definitely gay. Erik said he's not gay. Howard said if he says he's not gay then he's not gay. He asked Erik what was going through his mind. Erik said blow jobs and baseball go good together. Howard said most guys think about baseball to last longer.
Sal said guys are always fixing themselves on the field. Howard said he thinks that might be the most bizarre thing ever to watch baseball while getting blown. Debbie said she was right there and he was texting his friends and making calls during the blow job. He said he was texting too. Howard asked Erik what was going on. Erik said he doesn't know. Robin said he has to know what was going on in his head. Erik said that his friend was supposed to video the blow job and he lied to him so he was upset with him.
Debbie said he was calling and texting people constantly the whole time. Howard asked who he called. Erik said his friends were calling to find out how it was going. Howard said the last thing he'd do is answer the phone if he was getting blown.
Howard said you just don't do something like that. Debbie said that he was doing his Cameos too. Howard asked if he touched her tits or asked her to kiss him or anything like that. Erik said no. Howard asked if she would have let him do that. Debbie said that she would have. She said she took her shirt off and her tits were right on him and he didn't do anything but lay here. She said that he didn't touch her at all. Erik said maybe he was just nervous about it. Robin said they've been talking about this for 10 years.
Howard said here's what he would have done. He said he would have taken every stitch of clothing off of her. He said he would have been touching her vagina and her titties. He said he would have grabbed that ass too. He said he'd be done in minutes. He said then he'd call his friends and go to dinner. He said his tongue would have been up her ass. Robin said he did nothing to her.
Howard said would have dinner in the room and not left. Erik said he liked what Howard just said. Erik said he knows he failed at what he did. He said he doesn't know why it didn't work.
Howard said if this goes down again in October when she walks in the room what's going to happen. Erik said that he won't have his phone with him and he will concentrate on her. Debbie said if she comes up in October and Erik comes to her door he should have his cock out already and he had better be ready to go. She said there won't be anything before. She said that's what happened with the guy yesterday.
Fake Dan Rather went over a list of things that Erik did while Debbie was blowing him. He had him playing games and calling people. He said he also heard him threatening to stab someone on the phone while getting blown.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who asked if they can hook him up with Debbie. Howard said Ed is a cocksman. He asked what he would do with her. Ed said that he would let her blow him. Howard said thanks for that. He let Ed go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Debbie is an angel and maybe if there was a man in the room with Erik that he'd be able to get it done. He said he's bisexual himself and he sucks cock and fucks his wife. He said they have a fun time with it. He said Erik may not want to admit he's gay but he might want to consider having a man in the room. Howard asked Erik what he thinks. Erik said he'd rather have just Debbie there. He said he's going to grab her tits when he sees her in October.
Chris said that there was supposed to be a man in the room with him. He said that guy backed out.
Howard took a call from a woman who said maybe Erik is just uncomfortable around women. Erik said he is comfortable around women. Howard said this is unfortunate. He said Robin was right about him not being able to cum. He said she just knew. Robin said that she knew because of the setup. She said as soon as she heard that he wanted dinner first she knew it wasn't going to work out. Robin said she will never get it out of her head when she saw Erik on his back in his combat sweat pants and Debbie blowing him. Howard said nothing turns her on more than combat sweat pants.
Howard said he's not sure who took that video. He asked if Debbie did it. She said she did. Howard said he got that video and he is still freaked out by it. He said he won't let his wife watch it. Sal said it reminds him of an accident and it was like she was performing mouth to mouth on his penis.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the had someone in transition perform on Erik. Howard said he knows many transgender who still have their penis. Erik said no to that. He said he wants to try again with Debbie in October. Robin asked if he's willing to do everything it takes to satisfy her. Erik said he is. Robin said he should have a man in the room. Erik said no but Debbie said she insists on it. Erik said maybe Chris can be there then.
Howard said he thinks the last time Erik was with a woman he didn't cum. Erik said he did. Sal said he never saw it and she just wanted him off of her and she didn't actually have him cum.
Howard said he knows Debbie has been through a lot of trauma. Howard had fake Jim Meyer on the line to say something to her. Jim said he's on his yacht right now so send her right over there. He said when they say something is going to happen they do it.
Howard asked how much this whole thing cost her. Debbie said over $1,100. Howard asked if Erik paid for anything or thanked her. She said no and he never even offered. Erik said he did thank her for dinner. Debbie said he did but he never offered to pay for anything. Howard asked if he thanked her for paying for all of that. Debbie said not at all. Howard said he's sure it's in the mail. Howard asked what Erik makes of that. Erik said he has to make it up to her in October. Howard asked why he didn't send her something or thank her. Erik said he's sorry it didn't happen while he was there. He said he's not sure why he can't cum. Howard said how about just a thank you or something for what she did for him. Erik said he wants to say thank you for doing what she did. He said he appreciates what she did. Debbie said thank you but the real thank you would be to come to grips with maybe being bisexual or gay. Howard said maybe in this case there just wasn't chemistry. He said he doesn't believe that but maybe that's it. Debbie said she doesn't believe it either.
Howard asked how many Cameos he did while he was with her. Erik said maybe 3 or 4. Debbie said there were at least 3 or 4 a day. Erik said that's what he meant. He said it was 3 or 4 a day.
Howard said he has some audio of him cutting a Cameo while he was getting blown. Howard played the audio and Erik was talking normally like nothing was going on. Howard said he doesn't even know who Erik is anymore. He said he doesn't get it.
Erik asked if Chris can be there when he gets blown next time. Howard said men do not multitask very well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Debbie should dress in a Yankee outfit and have a moustache or Erik to rub and stroke. Howard said he hears him loud and clear.
Howard said Erik never disappoints. He said most guys are banging their heads right now thinking about how he blew it. Erik asked Robin what she thinks went on. Robin said she can't get into his head.
Howard took a call from Dry Lisa who said she's flabbergasted by this. Howard asked what she thinks the problem is here. Lisa said she can't believe it. She asked Erik if he just laid there like a log and he doesn't seem like he's not it. She said it was a waste of time. Erik said he may need a fluffer there next time. Chris came up again and Erik said he thinks that he should do that for him. Howard said Erik says he's not gay but he wants Chris to fluff him up. Erik said he doesn't want him to kiss him or anything like that. He said he just wants him to be in the room with him. He said he'll be nice and hard for Debbie if he's in the room with him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Debbie could have had Erik bathe first and taken his phone away from him. Howard said he likes her thinking. He said she's blaming Debbie for all of this. Debbie said that Erik is 51 and he can bathe himself. Mariann said that if he's walking into her territory then she should tell him how they're going to do it. She said she had the control and the ball was in her court. Howard asked if Mariann is blaming the victim. Mariann said she feels like she knows how to get this stuff done and Erik isn't a regular Joe. She said that he needs more attention.
Robin said she has a suggestion. She said Mariann should do Erik and see if she can get him to cum. Mariann said that she's like his mother. She said she can't do that. She said maybe he has a urology problem too. She said maybe he has a medical issue. Mariann said that Erik has no experience so she has to do something to help him. She said that she has to make this shit go down because she's the pro. She said Erik is not the pro.
Howard said maybe Mariann is right. He said maybe she has to stick him in the tub and get him clean. He said she has to get more creative.
Howard said he has to wrap this up. He said this could go on and on. Debbie said now she's more distraught thinking this was her fault.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Mel Gibson who was saying even he's offended by what Erik did. He said he wouldn't be making Cameos while someone is blowing him. He was all out of breath and yelling about getting blown.
Howard said it didn't work out and maybe Debbie has to try harder. He said take away his phone next time. Erik said in October he'll do his best for her again. Howard said that's all you can do. Howard asked what Debbie can do better for him. Erik said he loved the lotion that she used. He said he loves that. Howard asked Erik if he jerked off thinking about her and if he came when he got home. Erik said he's holding off until October. Howard asked if Debbie will show up in October. Debbie said she will give it one more try.
Howard said he watched a fabulous movie called The Alpinist. He said it's about a guy who would climb dangerous mountains alone with no ropes or anything. He said he had nothing to prevent him from failing to his own death. He said it was crazy stuff. He said it's fabulous. He said he only brings this up because Debbie is saying this is her greatest challenge. He said that the Alpinist never thought that he can't do it. He said Debbie is not going to give up on Erik. Robin said the Alpinist never complains. She said he continues until he defeats it. Howard said this is Debbie's white whale.
Howard thanked Debbie for sharing her story and he thanked Erik for sharing his. Fake Dan Rather closed saying that he used to have hope but no more. He said he has no more hope. He said he has been screaming in his sleep and it's been an honor serving this show.
Erik said he is ordained as a minister so he can perform weddings now. Howard said there's another bomb shell. He thanked him for that. Howard said he told you it would take almost 2 hours to do this and it's almost 9 o'clock so he was right. He said they're all fascinated by this whole thing.
Howard wrapped up and did a live commercial read before going to break.
Howard came back and said he's not in the mood for this song. He said he likes it but he's not in the mood for it. He said he loves them but he feels there's a different song in him. The guys played a Donovan song and he stopped that one too. They played Justin Timberlake's ''Sexyback'' and he let that play.
Howard said he has a lot on his mind. He said he had a horrible 2 weeks off. He said his parents are falling apart. He said that he and Robin talked and they talked about how people are living longer and it's hard to deal with the elderly. He said he's talking about people who are in their 90s. He said he doesn't know what to do with these two. He said don't ask what's going on. He said they're falling apart and cracking up. He said it's the quality of life at the end. He said his parents are good people and they didn't have health problems. He said it's making him rethink things. He said he wants to stay alive but not too long. He said he might have to start smoking again. He said it's a tricky thing. He said he loves his life and he's busy with things. He said he's got a lot to keep him busy. He said it feels good.
Howard said he got into this thing. He said this book he read is called Goodbye, Things: The New Japanese Minimalism by Fumio Sasaki. He said this guy has some story. He said it's a quick read. He said the book inspired him to throw things out during vacation. He said he has clothes that don't fit him anymore. He said he's got a belly and titties now so he threw out stuff he had in his closet. He said he realized he has clothes that don't fit so he got rid of a lot. He said he's loving this minimalist stuff. He said Steve Jobs came up with a uniform he wore every day and that's great. He said this guy who wrote this book is something. Howard said he got rid of his stuff and has a smaller place now that's got plenty of room.
Howard said you do love to have stuff but you want it to appreciate the things you do have. Robin said when things are stuffed in drawers they're not doing anything. Howard said he got rid of maybe 70 percent of his clothes. Robin asked him to come over and help her do that.
Howard said you have to watch this woman The Minimalist Mom on the internet. He said she's good at throwing shit out. He said she just gets rid of things. He said he started going on a mad tear with that. He said Beth comes walking in and asks what's going on. He said he told her he was cleaning up. He said she started going through his garbage pile. He said she's saying he needs it. He said he was perplexed. He said it's hard for him to throw things out.
Howard said he had a book end that he wanted to get rid of that he never uses. He said Beth wanted him to keep it. He said he had a big stone on his desk that he didn't want anymore and Beth wanted him to hold on to it. He said it led to a thing. He said he was telling Beth he wanted to do this because it was making him happy and giving him control over his room. He said it made him happy. He said Beth said she sees that so she's fine with it. He said that he had to explain it to her and she understood. He said there's nothing there he really needs. He said you should see his desk now. He said he has like 5 things on his desk. Robin said that she could see herself doing that with her desk.
Howard said this guy Fumio got rid of everything even his TV. Robin said she loves her TV and her homes. She said she thinks about this all the time. She said she loves this place. Howard said then keep it and just don't clutter it up. He said you don't need things. Robin said people send you stuff at Christmas that you don't need.
Howard said this guy Fumio thinks of the whole universe as his room now. He said he went nuts getting rid of things. Robin said what you do is empty your closet on your bed and you have to clear it off before the end of the day so that's the way to get it done.
Howard said he must have thrown out 50 shirts. He said he's a happy man now. He said it brings you happiness.
Howard took a call from a woman, Donna, who said she's going through something similar and she doesn't want to leave things for her kids that are just crap. Howard said that's not it for him. He said he's just getting rid of the clutter. He said he's giving some stuff to relatives so they can have some shirts and stuff like that. He said some of it is legitimate trash. He said it's just amazing. He said he threw out some books and gave them away instead of throwing them away. Donna said he's cluttering up other people's houses instead. Howard said they can do with it what they want.
Howard said he took out some books and ripped out some pages to put in his journal. He said he's not all hung up on it now.
Howard took a call from fake Fumio Sasaki who asked why he has microphone. He said he should throw it out now. He told him to get rid of his Fred too and throw him out.
Howard said it's very freeing to clear up the clutter. He said he has more room to move things around and appreciate the space. Robin said she loves her recipe books so she can't get rid of them. Howard said so hold on to them. He said there's no reason to throw them out. He said just throw one thing out a day. He said just give that a try.
Robin said she did think about things during vacation that she wanted to get rid of. She said she got gifts with peanuts in them and she doesn't like that so she threw them out. Howard said that's other people cluttering up your house. He said think about what you pay for your house or rent. He said that stuff is taking up room and it's not paying your rent. He said it's calling out to you and distracting you from thinking what's important. He said you're not thinking about a husband while thinking about that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with them on this minimalist stuff. He said his parents are down sizing as well and they have stuff that no one wants. He said it becomes a sin and more wasteful to have this stuff go nowhere. He said that he's not sure what to buy. He said no one is going to want that stuff. Howard said you can auction it off or give it to charity. He said that's the thing. He said he's way into his thing and he wants to throw something out that he can't tell his wife about. He said he'd get rid of it tomorrow. He said that Jimmy Kimmel once drew him a picture of Pig Virus. He said he has it on a shelf and he loves Jimmy. He said it's a good painting. He said he gets upset thinking about Pig Virus. He said he took it out of the frame and put it in a memory book which is small. He said he felt good getting it off the shelf.
Howard said he has this thing he wants to get rid of and send to his sister. He said he would get rid of it but Beth might get upset. Howard asked if Robin can help him with this. Robin said don't get her involved. Howard asked her to just listen.
The caller said he saved everything his kids drew as kids and they had to go though it all to get rid of it. He said they made a memory book like Howard said he did. Howard said his parents threw everything out as he was growing up.
Howard said he has to call Beth to ask her to come down. He asked her to come in for a second to tell her something. Beth said she'll come down. Howard said Beth is going to blow her stack. He said if he words it the right way it shouldn't be a problem. He said she is a minimalist herself so it shouldn't be an issue. He said she may have a problem with this one thing though.
Beth came in and Howard said she's looking so beautiful. Howard said Beth knows about this thing he's into. He said he loves that she smiles all the time. He said keep smiling when he tells her this. He said there's something he wants to throw out. Beth said he had such a pile outside his office. She said don't say that table. Howard said it's not the table.
Howard said Beth throws stuff out all the time. He said she is a minimalist. He said he doesn't even know what she throws out. Beth said she's in charge of everything. She said she's the boss. She said he wanted to get rid of this big crystal thing and she bit his head off. She said maybe they can auction off stuff for charity. Howard said she's working on something now.
Howard said they have to talk about this thing he wants to get rid of. He said what he's saying is that throwing thing out is turning him on now. He said she never clears things with him. Beth told him to get to it. Howard said he took pictures of Beth with his iPhone yesterday. He said he has cameras in the house. He said that he used to be into it. Beth said he can't get rid of them. Howard said he has a shelf with 5 cameras on it. He said he'd like to send them to his sister. Beth said keep just 1. Howard said he doesn't want that. Beth said she does. Howard said he wants to get rid of the ones he has. Beth said this is very boring for people. She said she's really angry right now. Beth said if they have to do a shoot for something then he has to keep at least one. Beth said she'll keep it in her closet. Howard said he will keep just one.
Howard said he has cameras that are just too much. He said he can take pictures with his iPhone. He said the iPhone is better. Beth said just keep one camera. Howard said his friend Doug Gordon told him that the phone is better than the cameras. Beth said just hold on to the one camera for another year. Howard said this is what happens with minimalism. Robin said he compromised so what's wrong with that. Howard said Beth throws stuff out like crazy. He said she watches him like a hawk.
Beth said that Howard gets fixated on one thing at a time and this is driving her crazy right now. She said she thinks the house doesn't have enough in it. She said his office has so much room in it that it echoes.
Howard said he's worried about Beth's eating. He said for lunch yesterday she had cauliflower puffs. He said they're like Cheese Doodles. He said she eats like a 5 year old. He said she had something for dessert. Beth said they were vegan cookies. Howard said she eats nothing. He said she looks great though. Beth said she did have some numbing incidents recently. Howard said she doesn't drink water. He said she came running in the other day saying she didn't feel her face. He said she was punching herself in the face. He said that she felt nothing. He said he was going to call 911. Beth said she thinks she was dehydrated.
Howard said she won't get a scan like they wanted her to. He said she has to drink more water. He said he has to keep an eye on her. He said he has a journal to keep track of that.
Howard said he's so happy with Beth sexually. He said he's not making Cameos while he's with her or anything like that. He said he has never been so sexually compatible with someone.
Howard said Beth sold some shirts with the art of his cat Helen Rose on it. He said they were watching some upsetting stuff about Ukraine and people are leaving their pets behind. Beth said she's putting up the Helen Rose shirt again so they can raise money to give to a charity that will help the animals in Ukraine. She said it's going to the Pet Love foundation that will get the money to the people in Ukraine for their animals. Howard said they only have like 500 shirts. Beth said they raised it to 1,200. She said she can premise that the money will get to those pets over there.
Howard said that shit going on over there is really upsetting. He said if anyone says they feel for what Putin is doing then say fuck 'em. Beth said that you can go to BethsFurryFriends.com for the shirts.
Howard said he has to get back to his cameras. He said he has to get rid of them. He said he has to get rid of his clothes and her brothers would like some of that. Beth said not all of it though. Beth said that Howard looks good. Howard said Beth looks really good to him. He said he doesn't get how she can look so good eating what she eats. He said she has the healthy glow but he looks like he's in the morgue. He said he just doesn't get it.
Howard said people think COVID is over. He said a couple of months ago his parents got COVID. He said he would call his mom during the pandemic telling her to be careful. He said she'd tell him that he's scaring her. Beth said she'd hang up on him. Howard said he told her to be careful. He did his impressions of them and Beth laughed saying that he looks like his dad when he does that. Howard said you have to get into character.
Howard said he'd tell his mother to wear a mask and things like that. He said they got it and he knows how they got it. He said his mother thought she was dying. Beth said she called to say goodbye. Howard said she thought she was dying. He said he told her to tough it out. He said his father had minimal difficulty. He said he thinks he got dehydrated and had to go to the hospital. He said his mother got better a couple of weeks later. Howard said his mother was in pain and he thinks it was from the brain fog thing. He said that's what some people suffered from.
Howard said his mother went into rapid decline. He said now his father is having issues being really confused. Beth said they're not the same. Howard said he's desperate to get them back to just being miserable. He said even the doctor said to him that they're not sure they can get her back to being happy. Howard said he just wants her to be miserable. Beth said she's not the same now. She said she's not even brushing her hair.
Howard did his impression of his parents talking to him. He had them going back and froth complaining.
Howard said he's in love with Beth. He said they've been together for like 20 years now. Beth said she was 26 when they met and she's turning 50 this year. Howard said if he gets to be like his parents she's going to have to do him in. Beth said Robin will do it. Robin said she read an article about a woman who was in love with her husband she met after years of being apart and then he got Alzheimer's. She said he didn't want to be that so he told her that he doesn't want to be that way. She said they found out how he could end his life legally and on his own terms. He said they ended up in Europe and when he started to decline he took his own life. Howard said his mom was like that. He said she wanted to die. He said he told her if she wants to die then there are people who will do that for you. He said she was shocked and said she doesn't want that and she wants God to kill her. He said god is busy so he can't do it.
Beth said we can give our pets the gift of euthanasia but we can't do anything with our family. Robin said that this couple she read about did it and it was the greatest gift that woman could give her husband.
Howard said he is so drained. He said he didn't have a vacation really. He said he was busy with his parents and throwing stuff out. He said he feels like he's so burdened by things that it feels good to get rid of stuff. He said he swears it gives him happiness. He said he keeps stuff he loves so the closet is empty and he likes it. He said he doesn't feel like a fat fuck. He said if he gets into shape again he'll buy new clothes.
Howard said he wants to be like Steve Jobs and have a uniform. He said he wants 5 of the same things to wear. He said that way he can just have one outfit.
Howard asked Beth if he looks good. Beth said he does. She said he looked good nude the other day too. Howard asked if he really did. She said he did. Howard asked how that can be. He said he's not sure how she can look at him that way. He said he sees himself in the mirror. Howard said if she could see him through his eyes she'd leave. Howard said Beth has the same thing about the way she looks. Beth said that he grabs her and it feels like he's grabbing her chub. Howard said he likes that ass. He said she has no fat. He said he's just passionate.
Howard let Beth go and said he's going to wrap up the show. Beth said that any donations for the next 2 weeks will go to the families in Ukraine for their pets. Howard said he can't watch the news anymore. Howard kissed Beth goodbye.
Howard said Jon Stewart will be on the show tomorrow. He said he has a new show on Apple TV+.
Howard said people really liked that guy Rooster who called in before break. He said he's on the line now. Howard told Rooster about how much feedback he got. Howard spent a little time talking to him about the High Pitch Erik thing and the minimalism thing. Rooster said they've been doing something similar at home.
Howard said Rooster got a lot of fan mail. He said the audience was very happy to hear what he had to say about the McDonald's stuff. Rooster started to get into that again. Howard read some of the feedback they got about Rooster and the talk they had about fast food.
Howard got into more fast food talk with Rooster and had Jon Hein come on to talk about that as well. They were talking about Chick-Fil-A and their food and religious beliefs.
Howard said someone asked for Jon Hein's thoughts on the Checker's restaurant. Rooster had some thoughts on that. Jon told Howard about their food too. Jon and Rooster went back and forth sharing useless details about their food.
Howard said Rooster is a hit. Rooster kept talking about the fast food thing. He went on and on and Howard just let him go. Then fake George Takei knocked on the door and made some references to the discussion they were having and joked about some of that.
Howard got back to Rooster for a minute and then let him go. He thanked Jon and Rooster for their thoughts on fast food. Robin said those two should have a show together.
Howard let Rooster go and said that Gary had a birthday while they were off. He asked if Robin sent him anything. Robin said she never remembers anyone's birthday. Howard said he sent him a gift. Gary said he got him a bottle of McCallen 18. He said it wasn't too peaty. Howard said he sent him a note saying he hoped it wasn't too Peaty. He said he even had his name put on the bottle. Gary said he didn't even know that.
Howard read some feedback about Gary's birthday. Robin said happy bleated birthday to Gary. She said she can't believe he's 61.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn sent Gary a message on Instagram. He played that and she was singing in the clip. Howard said that was very nice. He said Wendy the Slow Adult made him a message as well. Howard played that for Gary. She had a joke in here about him not doing anything at work and it sounded edited. Howard said it took a lot to get her to say what they wanted her to. He had some behind the scenes clips of Wendy trying to get her lines right. She really had a hard time with ''Dell'Abate'' and even Baba Booey.
Howard said they also had a ton of great vacation programming while they were off. He read some feedback about that.
Howard said the Wrap Up Show became Wrap-Thology over the break and people wrote in about that as well. He read some comments about that.
Howard said that Jon Leiberman returned to the channel for a special Wrap-Thology. He had some audio clips of Jon and Rahsaan hosting the show. He had some feedback about how great that was too. Robin said he was a legend around there. Howard said that's right. He said they'll be back tomorrow. He said that Jon Stewart will be on. He ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how if Jon Stewart ran for president he'd be like that Zelensky guy. He said he's a comedian too. Robin said when they got someone from TV it didn't work out so well. Howard said she has a point there. Howard said Jon would be good. He said he'll talk to him later.
Howard said he's dragging his ass this morning. He said he got caught up in the American Idol live thing last night. He said Beth wasn't into it in the past but she is into it now. He said they watch it all the time now. He said he was up at 4:30 this morning too. He said he was up late and then up early. He said his parents aren't doing well and it's maddening working with their health care.
Howard asked if Robin heard that noise. He said he has to do some work there. He said he's not sure what's going on there. He said he has something going on. He said maybe it's Robin's mic. He checked to see if that was it. Howard said he'll just ignore it. Robin said she doesn't hear it. Howard said he didn't hear it yesterday.
Howard said he got caught up in American Idol. He said he likes to chill after the show but the doctors are lined up looking for him after the show. He said they have medical questions for him. He said one of his daughters is a nurse practitioner. He said he's glad he paid for that. He said he calls her for every decision he has to make. He said he used to think of her as his baby daughter. He said now she helps him. He said his baby is smarter than him. He said he asks her what to do and Ashley tells him what to do. He said this is awesome. He said she has the answers for him and it's awesome.
Howard said this kid is his angel. He said she's such a help. He said she's happy to help but she's just spectacular. He said he's glad he had the third kid. He said she was late but she wasn't an accident. He said he doesn't have accidents. He said he's a pro with a rubber. Robin said she can vouch for it and she heard the discussions. He said this kid is something. He said she graduated at the top too. Robin said they used to ask her to teach a course how to study with other kids. Howard said that's true. He said the best investment he ever made was with her. He said she's on the phone with the doctors and he's on. He said they go back and forth with all of that.
Howard said he's just an idiot disc jockey and he had to ramp this up quick. He said everyone thinks he knows something but he knows squat. He said imagine putting your life in the hands of a disc jockey. He said the guy who created Butt Bongo Fiesta is the one doing that. He said that he's the guy who created Fartman. He said his father is completely bat shit crazy and his mother is under the psychiatric care of multiple doctors. He said she wants to kill herself and he's the one who has to make decisions for her.
Robin said that his parents were into their routine and they really did need that. Howard said his dad has the same thing for dinner every day. He said he has the same thing for lunch 7 days a week. He said he has to have it just right too.
Howard said his father gets dressed every day and goes into the bathroom for an hour. He said now he's just bonkers. He said his mom is a mess. Robin said when she went away everything was disturbed. Howard said Ashley was over there and his father was asking her not to leave. He said it's crazy. He said he had to be sedated. He said there's no quality of life. He said he's trying to get that back for them.
Howard said his mother is in a lot of pain and she's going crazy from that. He said she has all her marbles. He said that it was weird that she had no pain one day and then it all came back. He said it's crazy.
Howard said he had this fantasy of hiring two people to take care of his parents for him. He said he wanted out. He said he can't just say he doesn't want to be their son anymore. He said you can't just walk away. He said he was thinking he could hire someone. He said he's not sure what that would cost. He said he needs someone who is a doctor. He asked what a doctor earns. Robin said it all depends. Robin said he needs someone like Ashley. Howard said he wants to sign a document saying they're in charge. He said he wants to go back to his life. He said he wants to be an orphan. He said he wants them to be taken care of by someone great and he'd let them have custody of his parents. He said he doesn't even want to know anything about them. He said even if they die he doesn't want to know. He said he wants them to live a great life. He said you can't do that though. Robin said even when you're the child you don't treat them so well.
Howard said his old man yelled at him his whole life about not being able to make a living and now that guy is basically completely dependant on him because he didn't plan for anything. He said he wants to tell his dad he's not the fucking moron. He said now he's handling his medical needs. He's Fartman. He said his father keeps knocking over the table so he had to get a different shape table. He said Fartman is the guy taking care of that. Howard said they hit the lottery with him. He said he's the moron who saved up for their retirement because they were too stupid to save up. He said maybe his dad should shut up and sit down for him.
Howard said it's a fucking mess. He said if he sounds exhausted that's why. He said he's completely wrapped up in America Idol. He said he was talking to the TV. He said if he were a judge he'd be doing things differently.
Howard said his mother is having trouble with shitting too so she's got all kinds of issues. He said that's from the medications. He said what the guy said is this Cannabinoid thing can help with all of that. He said it doesn't cause constipation that opiates do.
Howard said he thought the guy said he should hire a cabana boy. That led to him talking about going to Mexico and going to the pool and they'd have to get a cabana boy to help them get a chaise lounge chair. He said you have to give them some money to get them to help. He said he would go to the office and ask what's going on. He said that he had to pay thousands of dollars to get this place and then he has to pay more for a chair. He said he asked a guy who had a set up there what was going on. He said the guy told him to give the guy $100 for the week and they give you a set up. He said then you put a book on the air and they know it's yours. He said he went to the guy and gave him a $100 bill and got the set up. He said he wanted to look like that other guy. He said the guy set him up. He said the next day there was no set up. He said it turns to this little fuck fleeced him. He said the guy didn't even work there the rest of the week. He said he was there for just the day. He said he didn't tell the other guys what the deal was. He said then he was livid. He said he had to dole out the money like he was doling it out to pigeons. He said the other guy had his set up.
Howard said he thinks the other guy quit the business. He said he took his 100 and ran. He said he can't win. He said that's why he doesn't go anywhere. He said he finally got smart and built his own pool. He said he has a front seat there. He said he doesn't have to go to someone to find out how to get a chair.
Howard said he used to go to this place called Jumby Bay. He said the had it all set up for you from the start. He said he didn't have to pay someone off to do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to tell him a story. Howard asked him to hurry. The guy said his daughter is a nurse as well. He said his older brother passed away. Howard said his daughter is a nurse practitioner. Howard said that it's not the same thing. He said his daughter is an RN and an NP. The caller, Bob, said his older brother passed away. He said he went for a stress test and he passed. He said his daughter was going over the tests with the doctor. He said she works with Dr. Shlofmitz actually. Howard said that guy is great. He said he works with him too. He said his mother sees him. Howard said it must be tough for him to hear from him all the time.
Howard said he's thinking of hiring him to adopt his parents and become their son. Robin said his mom would like that. Howard said his mother gets wet when she hears his name and she hasn't gotten wet in decades. He said she loves that guy. He said that she tells him to thank him on the air.
Howard said he has to get off the phone with this guy. Bob was going into too much detail. Bob went into the story and he went for some scans and stuff. He was still going on too long for Howard so he let Bob go. Howard did his impression of Bob telling his quick story. Howard said no one cares about him. He said he's swimming in bullshit. He was doing the impression of the guy giving every little detail of his story. Fred kept playing the Grandpa Al Lewis ''Blah, blah, blah...'' drop while Howard was doing that impression. Howard kept going on and on giving unnecessary details.
Howard said because he mentioned what he's going through with his parents doesn't mean they have to hear about your life. He said people listen to the radio and think they're just like him. He said they have a daughter who saved their life and they think they should be on the air telling their story. He said this guy is listening and he thinks he has to tell his story. He said he didn't have to call in.
Howard took a call from a woman who said his chaise lounge story stuck a chord with her. She said she had to get a chair when it was dark out and it was ridiculous. Howard said it's like work getting a chair. He said you're there to relax and you have to do that. He said you're supposed to be able to sit out by the pool and enjoy it. He said then you have to play chaise roulette. Howard said he would go to the resort and they saw him walk in and people would have their chaise set up and they knew that he didn't know what to do. The caller said that people were hoarding the chairs so it was impossible to get one.
Howard said he has his own house and his own pool now. He said he doesn't need a cabana boy now. He said he's not the entertainment for those people now.
Howard said the whole thing was horrible. He said everything is horrible. Robin said someone sent her a retirement community thing. She said they have an Elvis impersonator come in. She said he looks ridiculous in his outfit. Robin wondered if that's what retirement is. She said this is what people get for entertainment. Howard said his mother used to be his father's only person and now he's by himself all day. He said his father is deaf and he can't hear. He said he tells him to get some social interaction. He said he tells him to go downstairs to listen to some music. He said he isn't going to go watch Elvis.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a doctor. Howard asked if he wants to take care of his parents for him. The caller said he can't commit to that. He said he wanted to let him know that the cannabis stuff is a good choice. He said you can get medical grade and it will work. Howard said that's what he's going to do if he does this. He said some of his pot head friends are telling him to get CBD oil and shit like that. He said then the doctor tells him to do it and he'd good with it.
Howard said thank god he had sex with his wife on Sunday. He said that's the only time he's out of his misery. He said he texted her and told her that he's in the fantasy suite. He said she needed 10 minutes. He said that was like a rejection to him. He said he wants her to run right in there. Robin said they're like his parents and they're like twins. Robin said it's the total dependence on one human being. Howard said he knows. He said he's the most selfish prick and you don't want him in charge of your life. He said that's what's funny about his parents. He said he wants someone else to take over.
Howard told Robin what happened on Sunday. He said that Robin asked how long it lasts. He said he had just showered so he was nude. He said he texted her and she said she'd be 10 minutes. He said he put on Superman and Lois while he waited. He said that's what he had on the TV when she walked in. He said he told her what was on and it's so childish. He said the TV list is what a 7 year old would watch. He said Beth tries to get out of it and tells him that she can leave if he wants. He said he turned it off. He said they don't listen to anything while they do it. He said he turns music off because she's not into any of that. Howard said he sends her a card on Valentine's day and she'll laugh if he puts a poem in there or something. He said he gets goofed on if he does anything like that. He said one time he put on a fire in the fire place and she made fun of him for that. Howard said he once blamed Robin for doing that stuff.
Howard said he and Beth get down to business. He said they have some banter. He said he'll squeeze her butt and then she'll manipulate his peen for a bit. He said he gets hard. He said he'll rub the sheet against his penis before she gets there. He said he tries to get chubbed up a little bit. He said that he tries to get it going for Beth. He said he wasn't able to get anything going with the women on Superman. He said the woman on the show is pretty but he's not that into her. He said she's more like a mom than a hot chick. He said she's like a mom with big tits and that's what he had at home. He said he's not chubbing up to that.
Howard said he does his thing with Beth and it lasts maybe 7 minutes. He said it's just the right amount. He said maybe it's 5. He said he might be lying. He said that it might be 5. He said Beth doesn't want nonsense so he has to get it over with. He said he's good for about 5 minutes. Robin said that's good for an older guy. Howard said he's very routine just like his dad. He did his impression of his dad talking about sex stuff.
Robin said she read about the Dolly thing. She said she has helped pay for the MRNA vaccine thing and she does so many good things for her employees. She said that she'll pay for a college education for people who work for Dollywood. Robin said she really cares about people around her. She cares for people around the world. Howard said she's like Mother Teresa with huge tits.
Howard said imagine you have people like Gary Dell'Abate and Jon Hein voting for you to get in or not in that hall of fame. He did his impression of Gary coming up with his criteria for why he should or shouldn't put her in there. Howard said imagine you have to lobby people like that to get in.
Gary said Howard is a voter too. Howard said he gets a ballot but it goes right in the garbage. He was doing his impression of Gary rambling on and on about that. Howard said this woman sat in a room writing songs like Jolene and I Will Always Love You and Gary is one of the guys deciding if she should be in the hall of fame. He said Gary doesn't even play an instrument. He played Trumpet with James Brown. Fred played a clip of Gary trying to play.
Howard said they sent out the ballot with Dolly's name on it anyway. He said she has to go through that now. Robin said she doesn't want to go through that. Howard read some of the article about Dolly.
Howard took a call from Audio Book Gary Dell'Abate who was naming songs that sound great on a juke box. Howard said that's why Gary gets to vote on Dolly.
Howard said he thought it was a cool move for Dolly to back out. He said he would have love if Jon Bon Jovi had backed out of that. He said he wouldn't have had to go to Cleveland. He said he told Jon that Gary and Jon Hein vote. He played a song parody about Gary and his music knowledge.
Howard said Gary judging Dolly Parton would be like Benjy judging Mr. Universe or something. Fred played some Wendy the Slow Adult trying to say Gary Dell'Abate.
Gary said people would send mail to him as Gary Bellafonte and he would get it. Howard said people think he's Harry Bellafonte.
Howard said he spent like $650 on Gary's birthday gift and Gary was saying it wasn't as much as he said it was. He said the guys just checked and it is that much. He said it's over 500 bucks. He said drink up Gary Bellafonte.
Howard said Gary is a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame voter. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. He said this is a live version but that whole album is great. He said it's one of the best if not the best Elton John album. He said he thinks it's this one. He said some would argue about that but that's what he's going with.
Howard talked about Elton making that album and how much orchestration there was with it. He said Elton was nervous and he can't imagine what that must be like.
Howard said the guys told him this song is on Tumbleweed Connection. He said he was wrong about which album it was on. He said he must be losing his mind. He said that album was recorded in 4 days. He said the two albums were released in the same year within 6 months of each other. He said that's why he's confused.
Howard said he's sitting there picking cat hair off his clothes. He said he has so many cats. Robin said she tries to keep her work clothes from her other stuff so the cat hair doesn't get on it. Howard said that's what he does too. He said it still gets on him.
Howard said he has a lot going on. He said he stopped working out during the pandemic and his body was going to shit. He said he has decided to get back into shape one more time. He said he has to get rid of his body and titties. He said he's going to be attractive again or for the first time. He said he's feeling free and strong. He sang that to the turn of the Rocky theme.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was checking out Beth's pictures on Instagram and she looks flawless. Howard said he has no actions on those pictures either. He said that he loves that woman a lot. He said so many people heard Beth talking about the shirts on the show yesterday and people were donating like crazy. He said they can't even keep the shirts in stock. He said they're donating money to Ukraine to help the pets out there. He said there's a lot of good hearts and souls out there.
The caller said that when Beth is bent over in one picture she still looks flawless and no one looks like that. Howard said she barely eats anything. He said she eats cauliflower puffs and pirate's booty. He said it's not fair.
Howard said speaking of Ukraine it's horrible and depressing what's gong on there. He said thank god Oprah is there to give her thoughts on that. He said that the guys gave him this stuff. He said she has this video posted to her Instagram account. He said she asks for a moment of silence for Ukraine but then she talks through the whole thing. He said she drives him crazy. He said he's not sure we need that.
Howard played some audio of Oprah talking about doing some kind of class. Howard had no idea what that was. Robin said there is something you can pay for to get messages from her and see her doing things with Gayle. Howard said now she's Professor Oprah. He said he's not sure why she does this and not do her show for her own network or for SiriusXM where she had her own channel. He said the gave her 50 million there and she didn't do this stuff for her channel there.
Howard played the audio of Oprah asking for a moment of silence for the Ukrainian people. Then she just kept talking and talking. Howard said they're working up to the moment of silence. Oprah kept talking and telling people what they were supposed to be doing.
Howard said the war is over now. He said it worked. He said Putin said he has no interested in Ukraine anymore. He said here must have been a moment of silence in there somewhere.
Howard read about what Oprah is offering where you pay to get access to her stuff. Howard gave the details about how much you have to pay. He said he was disappointed in the moment of silence. He said he was trying to be silent but Oprah kept interrupting.
Howard said he tried his entire career trying not to do that shit to his audience. He said she must feel like she's changing the worked somehow. Robin said you have to pay for it. Howard said she can't pay for it herself. He said she has to have you pay for it.
Robin said she was reading about Jeff Bezos' ex wife giving $250 million to the Boys and Girls club. She said that she isn't out there doing this kind of thing.
Howard said he was reading about Jeff Bezos flying into space and Jon Stewart has something to say about that. He said he'll ask him about that soon. Robin said Pete Davidson was going to fly into space and when they changed the date they replaced him with someone else. Robin said she was wondering if that had something to do with Kanye West or something. Howard said he thinks Pete realized that Kim Kardashian's vagina is on earth.
Howard said the guys used drops of Oprah for a new phony phone call. He said Sal and Richard did their Jack and Rod show thing and they have a nutritionist on to evaluate Oprah's diet. They had clips of Oprah talking about her WW points and what she's eating. They had her ordering a lot of food and the guy was telling them how healthy that meal was. They had clips of her ordering and then eating the food. Then she ran to the bathroom to take a massive dump. They had left the mic on while she was crapping. The nutritionist bailed out during that part.
Howard said that was something. He said he has to get to some fan feedback.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn got a lot of negative feedback about what she said about it being Debbie's fault that she didn't get Erik off. Howard read through some of that.
Howard said 77 percent of Wrap Up Show fans said that Debbie won't give Erik another chance in October when she's up in New York.
Howard read some feedback about his new minimalist stuff. He read some feedback about Rooster and his conversation with Jon Hein. Howard said someone asked if they've ever taken Jon out to a good restaurant to compare that to the fast food he talks about. Robin said they took him out to Jean George and he hated it. Howard said Jon didn't enjoy it.
Howard said he can fit this in now. He said Jeff is very needy lately. He said he gets frustrated if he doesn't pick up the phone with him. He said this happened again a few weeks ago because he hasn't taking his calls. He said this is what happened. He played a clip of Jeff saying goodbye to them because they're not taking his calls.
Howard said we've heard that before. He said they heard it and Chris Wilding followed up while they were on vacation. He said Chris asked if he was really quitting the show. He said that Jeff had blocked Chris on Twitter too. He said Jeff was still not calm so he was on full meltdown. Jeff said he's not quitting the show but he feels like they gave up on him. Jeff said they don't take his calls and he's sick and tired of sitting on hold all fucking day. Chris asked why he blocked him on Twitter. Jeff said he doesn't need to be on Twitter to talk to him. Jeff was crying and moaning about it all. Then he hung up on Chris.
Howard said Chris called back after Jeff calmed down. He said Jeff is upset that he's not making money on Cameo. He said that he's back on SSI. Howard played some audio of Jeff talking about that with Chris. Jeff said he got a check for like $535 for the month. He said that he was used to getting at least close to 1000. He said he's not sure why that is.
Chris said half the time Jeff has nothing to say. He said if he doesn't call he gets complaints. He said then if Howard doesn't pick up he gets really belligerent messages from him. He said he has quit the show too so he's not sure what the solution is. He said Jeff doesn't give him much to work with either.
Howard said Jeff posted a message on Instagram. He said it's like a infomercial. Howard played that clip and Jeff was talking about something he had invested in and how he made some money off of it. Howard asked what was going on there. He said it sounds like he's reading from a script. Chris said he is. He said he read an article about this in Vice. He said people will hack your account and make you read something like that. He said if you go on Instagram now there's pictures of things that he apparently bought and sadly he's DM'ing other people and they're forcing people to make videos too. Howard said they blackmailed him into making that video.
Howard said Chris called Jeff to find out what happened there. He played a clip of Jeff talking about how Bitcoin hacked his account. Jeff said that they told him if he made a video that he'd make some money. He said then his account was hacked. He said he can't get a hold of anyone to help him with the account now.
Chris said it sounds like they didn't have to work that hard to get him to make that message. He said he has to get to Jon Stewart so he'll get to Jeff next time he calls in. He took Jeff's call and told him that Bitcoin is not a person. Jeff said he knows. Howard said he has to put him on hold and get to Jon. He said he's up against a wall here. He said he has to have a break. He played a phony phone call into the break. It was a call that they made using clips of Jeff the Drunk quitting the show. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked up the Elvis Costello song. He said he's not sure who invented the button down fly but he's thinking of getting rid of all of his jeans. He said he was unbuttoning and buttoning for a full minute. He said it'd the dumbest thing. He said it's so much easier with a zipper. He said he guarantees Jon Stewart has a zipper. He said Jon is the host of The Problem with Jon Stewart on Apple TV+.
Howard got Jon on and said he looks good with those glasses on. Jon said they came from Rite-Aid. He said that he has the most powerful reading glasses now. Howard asked if he's a man who never had to wear glasses. He said he's 60 now. Jon said he's 59 and it's hard. He said it's hard to believe he's almost 60. He said Howard should be wearing sweat pants and not button fly jeans. He said he doesn't need that. Howard asked if he's ever had that. Jon said no. Howard said they're John Varvatos and they're great but it was a terrible mistake to have the button down. He said he should have gotten the zipper.
Howard asked how Jon is doing with his body at this age. Jon said he's a machine. He said look at this shit. Howard said he actually does look good. He asked if he works out. Jon said he works out but as a 60 year old man. He said he works out in a way that Jane Fonda would ask him what he's doing. He said he does the simple things. He said he doesn't work out like he did when he was younger. Jon said getting older is humbling. He said he was masturbating the other day and had to get his reading glasses. He said that's humiliating and humbling.
Howard said he's glad he said that. He asked if he uses his phone to masturbate. Jon said sure. He said you use the iPhone and that's the way to do it. He said he masturbates to images in his head of when he was actually younger. He said that's what excites him now.
Howard said he loves his honesty. He said he knows what he means about the glasses. He said he masturbated to a man the other day because he didn't have his glasses. He said he's older than Jon but when he masturbates does he get nervous that someone is watching him on the camera. Jon said no. He said he will masturbate in private and he doesn't think about it. Howard said he's talking about the camera on the phone. Jon said that if he's manning whatever camera it is he's not going to be recoding an old man jerking off. Howard said the phone has a camera. Jon asked who's watching for that. He said no one is going to be watching that. Howard said someone could see him. He said maybe Tim Cook has famous people masturbating.
Jon said that he'll cover the camera from now on. Howard said he covers his with a tissue. Jon said he has a whole set up then. Howard said he does.
Howard said he finds himself watching step moms fucking their sons on porn sites. He said he enjoys that. Jon said he doesn't really go for genres like that. He said he's not a plot guy. Howard said he is. Jon said in the old days they used to base porn on services. He said it was a pizza guy or something and now they have incredibly specific genres. He said he's not into that stuff.
Howard said he saw a guy tie a woman up and spank her vagina. He said that's not what he likes to watch. Jon said he likes free porn. Howard said he goes to YouPorn. Jon said he doesn't have brand loyalty. He said he shifts around. He said he considers himself a consumer who isn't trapped. He said he will take it all in. He said why not let the curators work it all out for him. He said you have to keep an open mind.
Howard said he's wondering if Jon shouldn't be watching that stuff when he's in that business. Jon said there are just about no exploitative businesses out there now. Jon said that he also believes that sex trafficking should be stopped but some sex work is voluntary so who is he to tell them to stop.
Howard said he has a lot of questions about this new show. He said he hit on something good. He said he does the show once a week. He said it was once every other week. Jon said they only made 4 and then 4 more. He said that it was just released week to week. He said next season it'll be like 6.
Howard said that Jon had some good points about the way news works these days and how they're just doing it to keep your attention. Jon said they tried to get someone who runs a news division now to speak publicly and they all turned them down. He said that their whole reason for being is to be transparent. He said they won't come on the show to talk about that though. He said they have to ''run it up the chain'' somewhere. He said none of them would appear. He said he was excited to have Bob Iger on. He said it's fucking crazy that someone who runs a news organization won't come on the show. He said these are people who are going and knocking on people's doors when their child dies. Howard said this is why he likes his show. He said it gets you thinking. He said not one TV news guy would come on and defend the news. Jon said it's crazy. He said if you work in an industry where the reason for being is to expose corruption and then you won't come on to be scrutinized the same way it's crazy.
Howard said he knows Bob Iger. He said he's a handsome and lovely guy. He said he ran Disney for years. He said he did a lovely job. He said he thinks he'd make a good president. He said he ran tat company really well and he was very bright. He asked if Jon talked to him about that. Jon said he asked if he would run a news organization. He said he is an impressive guy. He said when you're in that business they all speak in a very similar way that's protective of the bottom line. He said they're not bomb throwers. He said they think about how the shareholders would react to this stuff. He said now Disney is in a giant mess with the Florida ''Don't say gay'' thing. He said he thinks Iger was good about calculating stuff like that. He said when you speak to a CEO you can tell they're calculating things. Howard said he didn't feel the calculation. He said he thought he was really interesting on the show.
Howard asked Jon when he decided to go back to work was Apple the only company he went to. He said it has to be weird for him. He said he wants to do it the right way. He said it's intense kind of programming. He asked why he chose them. Jon said he looked at the phone and he wondered who makes this thing that he watches porn on. He said he had to work for them. Howard asked Jon if he has ever watched porn on his phone and he gives up in the middle of it. Jon said you lose steam. He said he has experienced that. He said it's hard to keep it fresh with yourself. He said he'll come up with a special outfit or something he likes. He said you can't take yourself for granted. He said you have to value yourself.
Howard asked if his wife gets offended that he does that. Jon said it doesn't come up a lot. He said it's not something they talk about a lot. He said he's probably exaggerating the amount of it. Howard asked if it can take you out of your marriage. Jon said no. He said he's been married for 22 years and it doesn't do that at all. Jon said that it's not like you're cheating on her with yourself. He said that's not the way it works. He said that it's actually a lovely thing to see. He said if he's trapped in isolation with someone that's a lot of pressure. He said it can expose the cracks in a relationship. He said it was the opposite. He said that's his favorite person in the world. Howard said he found he loved his wife more during the pandemic. He said he enjoys being with her.
Jon said they tend to be reclusive at other times so it kind of worked out for them. Jon said he was working the whole time during the pandemic. He said he enjoys the process of working so he kept working. He said even in retirement he was working. He said he spent time with his kids. He said that you want to take that when you can because you can't get that back. Howard said he read something about his kids asking why he can't do a show more like Ellen does. He said they wanted to spend more time with celebrities. Jon said he'll see his daughter watching Jon Oliver and things like that now. He said that Jon Oliver is raising his children and it's awesome.
Howard asked if he found himself getting envious of people like that. Jon said not at all. He said he loves what they do and he loves those guys too. He said they had so much fun working together. He said he has no regret or envy. He said that he's astonished how things worked out for him. He said he doesn't think about it that way. He said that no one's career came from what Howard did. He said he just created that genre and it gave people a path. Howard said he used to think that he did have something to do with it.
Jon said that he'd come on the show and they'd put him on camera and ask him what he thought of some of the things Howard would say. He said he never said anything. He said he'd just go in and talk to Howard. Howard said he liked Jon and the show he did. He said he wasn't set up to have a guest. He said that he just cared about the ratings. He said he wasn't able to let someone do their thing and he was wondering if people were tuning out or tuning in. He said he was wacky and out of his mind. He said it wasn't set up right. Jon said it's crazy how much better Howard is now that he's lost that. He said he wouldn't have gotten that years ago. He said it was like hosting the Oscars when he went on Howard's show. He said it was a rite of passage and he had to go on. He said he thinks a lot of people went on out of necessity but now they come on to connect and to see where it goes.
Howard said he really has let people speak more and doesn't have that pressure now. Jon said it's not outrageous to have that feeling.
Howard asked Jon what he was the one that NBC wanted to take over for Letterman. Jon said no. He said there was a process where they had an audition thing and they got it down to 5-10 people. He said he was one of the people. He said they went out to The Improv in L.A. and they had them all perform there. He said he can't remember who was there but it might have been Drew Carey and Paul Provenza. He said they all performed and then it ended there for most of them. He said that Conan did some test shows. He said that he was never up on that list. He said that they did ask him to do the Tonight Show guest hosting for Jay Leno. He said they told him that Jay loved that idea and it turns out that he didn't love it. He said it was weird.
Jon said that Conan was able to do something that was very original. He said it's hard to do that in that space but Conan was able to do something unique. He said that's cool.
Howard said Jon was hanging around and maybe doing a show like that. He said thank god that didn't work out because he went to Comedy Central and created that Daily Show. Jon said it already existed. He said they were able to modify it and take it in another direction. He said they're all building on something else. He said there's a little bit of something from other people in everything you do.
Howard said he was thinking about Jon the other night and thinking about The Amazing Randy. Jon said he remembers that guy. Howard said he was a guy who was a magician. Jon said he basically deconstructed the industry. Howard said that's right. He said he told people to stop misleading people and telling people he had psychic powers. He said Jon would go on these other shows and confront these guys and not attack but question their existence. He said he did it in a way that wasn't really like an attack. Jon said it was kind of an attack. Howard said Jon is like Amazing Randy in that way. Jon said the show itself was the deconstruction of the way things work. He said the things on television all have a plan. He said they plan things out just like a TV show in government. He said there's always a meeting. He said that's what interested him. He said he wanted to know more about it all and he wanted to see the spell broken. He said it's hard to realize that it's not enough. Jon said what you realize is that power doesn't seed itself. He said people are so interested in their team. He said Donald Trump won with the support of evangelicals. He said there is no man who doesn't care about that stuff more than Trump and in the end it doesn't matter.
Jon said Trump said he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and not lose any supporters. He said that's probably true. Howard said that's upsetting.
Jon said that the system is sick but it's the people on the ground who are making it possible for things to get better and things to change. Howard said he likes his show and the way they do the ''Who's More Hitler'' bit. He said that things are so crazy because of COVID and things like that. He said that wearing a mask has been almost criminalized because of the kooks on the air. Jon said that their whole job on the news is to get you so freaked out that you'll stay with them. He said what they're really doing is making you watch them so things don't fall apart. He said the news really has a real world affect on the world. He said that when John Kennedy died they set up a shrine and there were TV cameras all over the place. He said he saw as the media coverage grew the line grew. He said as soon as the camera left the line left. He said suddenly it was done. He said they created the scene and they framed it the way they wanted to frame it and then they yelled cut and it all went away.
Howard said if they stop covering the war in Ukraine that will go away too. Jon said that they got sick of the war in Yemen and that went away from our consciousness. He said Putin is a different animal when a nuclear power is off the rails. He said that we thought we wouldn't see that. Howard asked how Trump gets away with saying Putin is a genius and then says he never said that. Jon said he's a tremendous liar. He said that if you told him his daughter got a trademark in China he'd deny having a daughter. He said he'd tell you he had no kids to get out of the argument. He said he has moved on to the next thing by the time you get through all of it. Jon said he's amazing.
Howard said he was talking about gun control on his show. He said he liked the way they did that. He said it's a tremendous show. He said if he ran a news network he'd make his number one story the Kanye West and Pete Davidson story. Jon said he knows Pete really well and he's just a kid trying to live his life. Howard said he's had him on the show. Jon said he's a good guy and he's caught up in that stuff. He said it's something so loaded with all kinds of things. He said he just loves that kid. Howard asked how he knows him. Jon said he thinks because he's incredibly hip and with it he just knows everyone. He said that they actually know each other through comedy. He said that he would see Pete out at places and they became friends from that. He said he has a very paternal instinct with guys like that. He said he has friends who get in trouble and die and you don't want that. He said it's a fucked up business.
Howard asked Jon if he has guys in comedy turn to him for advice. Jon said sometimes but not explicitly like that. He said it's the back table at the club where they talk. He said it's the fun of why they got into it. He said they like to hang out and dress like shit and drink. He said there's a stereotype about the comedy world of not being supportive but there's support here.
Howard asked if there are comedians who are like ''fuck you other guys'' and don't want to be there. Jon said there are dicks in every business. He said there's the exception to the rule. He said there are guys like that out there but you spot that quickly and you know how much to let them in. He said for the most part it's funny and smart and nice people out there. He said there are really friendly people out there. He said it's great to see the diversity out there now. He said it used to be 7 Jews and Colin Quinn who is Irish. He said it's such a richer environment out there now.
Howard said there are people who never get out of the clubs. He asked if that's unbelievable to him. He said that they never got the acknowledgment. Jon said yes. He said show business is tough and there's a lot of good fortune that has to come to you. He said there are people who did good but didn't really break out. He said they end up running a show or something. He said maybe they've got books out or have written something. He said it's well accepted and they make a good living but they're not that brass ring you thought they'd be. He said there's something there that prevents some people from getting their talent their due. He said it's self destructive kinds of things. He said he always saw that. He said there are so many people who were loved and just died. Howard said Sam Kinison was one. Jon said it was heart breaking. He said Farley too. He said we've lost too many.
Howard said he can imagine them sitting around and having fun back stage and having conversations. He said you have to earn people's respect. Jon said even an idiot could have seen a Chappelle coming and they know that you can't keep up with that. He said you just do your thing.
Jon said sometimes you can tell how someone is going to do. He said you know how this works. He said there are some people who come in and you just think ''touched by God.'' He said you don't know how they got there. He said you have to tip your cap to them. He said he thought he was good but he worked hard. He said he had to get better. He said there were some people who just had brains that worked different.
Howard said Sarah Silverman was on and said there are some people who are good but they never worked hard enough on new material so they didn't make it. Jon said he was good at the grind and he could go out and do shows. He said he and Attell could go out and grind it. He said they'd pass each other on the subway going back and forth to different clubs.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld has said that he writes everything out. Jon said he's the best craftsman out there. He said that he and Carlin are very similar in that way. He said they were master craftsmen. He said he was lucky enough to get to know Carlin a little bit. He said his level of preparing was amazing. He said Seinfeld is like that too.
Howard said he thought that Jon was like Carlin on a show one time. He said he was worked up in a way that reminded him of Carlin. Jon said everything is an homage to Carlin. He said he was one of the giants for him. He said he's so pleased that he got to even meet him.
Howard asked if he's receiving the Mark Twain prize for humor. Jon said he is. Howard said that sounds important to him. Jon said it does. Howard asked how that works and who gives you the award. Jon said that they don't totally surprise you. He said they ask who you want to give the award and then they pick someone. He said he puts down the people he has worked with. He said he put the guys he worked with. He said he will put down Chappelle, Colbert, Carrell and guys like that. Jon said he has to get going soon because he has to take his son to visit a college.
Howard asked Jon what he was doing at Madison Square Garden watching the Knicks. Jon said there are just a few things that are worth battling the virus over. He said he has had so many vaccines and he just wanted to go out and see the game. Howard asked why he wasn't wearing a mask. He said he was next to Pete Davidson and Ben Stiller who got COVID. Jon said he didn't get it. Howard asked why he didn't wear a mask. Jon said that he jumped out of a plane a few years ago too. He said the older you get the more you feel like you just have to get out of your own head and do some things for enjoyment. He said he just wanted to have some fun. Howard said he can't believe he ran out of time. Jon said he loves him and he normally wouldn't do that.
Howard gave him some plugs for his new show on Apple TV+. Jon said this is easy so he'll come back on to talk about more. Howard said he has a lot of business questions about the show and all of that. He said he wants him to keep a log of every porn he watches so they can talk about that too. He said he thinks Jon has put a lot of work into this new show so check it out. Howard said he has to question him about his writing staff and all of that. Jon said he's sorry they don't get a chance to talk more. Howard said that's his fault. He said that Jimmy Kimmel started an email chain and he doesn't get into that. Jon said they're both reclusive so that's why that never happens. Howard said Beth wants to see that whole farm set up he has too. Jon said she's welcome to come by any time.
Howard let Jon go a short time later. He gave him some more plugs. He said maybe they'll end the show. He said he had a bunch of things to get to. He said it was nice talking to Jon. He said they've been talking to him for years and years.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel started this email chain with Jon and he thought it was too much work for him. He said he didn't want to be part of it. He said he was probably in the middle of watching some step dad karate swap or something and he didn't keep up. He said he knows his wife wants to see his farm. He said maybe they should do that. He said he should do the email thing but he can't keep up with that.
Howard said next year will mark 30 years of Jon coming on the show. He said that started in October of 1993. Howard wrapped up and said they have a full agenda for tomorrow. He said that he has to end the show now. They were done around 10:05am.
Howard said he's starting to think the Ukrainian soldiers should invade Russia. He said they're so good at defending themselves that they should fight back that way. He said the Russians thought this would be over in a few days but the Ukrainians want to keep their land. He said a bunch if Russian soldiers are dead and Generals are dead. He said he's starting to think that they'll march into Russia and take over and get rid of Putin.
Howard said he hears people saying that Joe Biden isn't a good president but he thinks he's handling this just fine. He said he's doing a good job with it. He said he's handling it in a smart fashion. Robin said that reporters think just asking something stupid is great. She said they asked if he did everything he could to stop it before it happened. She said it always leads to evaluating the actions instead of seeing what we need to do.
Howard said he's a fan of Joe Biden. He said there's so much wacky stuff happening in politics. He said Trump lost by 3 million votes but the electoral college is so wacky that he won the election. He said his vote in New York was basically worthless. He said more Americans said no to Trump. He said ever since he won the whole Republican party has gone bonkers. He said now everyone is trying to out Trump the guy. He said they used to have a republican primary going on and it's two Trump candidates. He said it's in Ohio. He said the two candidates are beating each other's brains in to get the nomination. He said this sounds like a pro wrestling match. Howard said in Georgia they have Hershel Walker up against another person and he sat down with a pastor and the guy was struggling with the science of evolution. He said this is the front runner down there. He said people have thought this through. Howard played a clip of Walker talking about how humans came from apes but why are there still apes? Howard said we have thought about this and there's an explanation. He asked if you can imagine if this guy gets elected. He said what it does is make good people not want to run for Senate.
Howard said in Ohio this guy Mike Gibbons is Trumpy and he questioned the background of Josh Mandel who is running. He said they got into a fight on stage and they start calling each other names and one of them calls the other a pussy. He said they have to out Trump, Trump now so they start screaming at each other. He played a clip of the two yelling at each other during this debate. They were calling each other names and people were booing them in the crowd.
Howard said these guys were going back and forth and you can hear the one guy calling the other a pussy. He said one was saying he served two tours in Iraq. He said he'd use that every time.
Howard said there was more about Mandel who was called out for being Jewish by another candidate. He said this sounds like Nazi Germany in this commercial. He paled a clip where they were saying we can't keep electing people who don't have Christian values.
Howard did his impression of the idiots in that commercial. Howard said Trump can't decide who to back in this run. He said between that and the Hershel Walker stuff none if it has anything to do with what they need to do as senators. Howard said if he were running for senator he wouldn't want anything to do with running for office. Howard said the whole thing is so fucked up.
Howard said there's so many wackos. He said he misses the old republican party. He said it was nice to have a two party system but now it's wackos versus the Democratic party. He said he thinks the wackos are winning based on how many people are vaccinated.
Howard said Ronnie seems like he might be a Trumpy. He said he didn't tell him who he voted for but he thinks he voted for Trump. He said one means you're nuts and one means you might have some sensibility.
Howard said this is Grumpy Ronnie in L.A. He said he feels responsible for this. He said he released him on the world. He said he made him famous. He said now his real personality has come out and he thinks he's an entertainer. He said he starts yelling and screaming and it's downright weird. Ronnie asked what he's talking about. Howard said he's going to present his case now.
Howard said Memet and Ronnie were out in L.A. together. He said that he was a grumpy old man out there. Ronnie said he was high as a kite. Howard said he thought moving to Las Vegas would make him happier than ever but he can't stop thinking about death. He said it's becoming morbid.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about how he could die any time and he's not taking a booster shot after they reported that in the news. He didn't like being called elderly because of his age.
Howard said listen to his logic. He said he's not getting a booster because they called people over 65 elderly. Ronnie said it's not about taking the shot, it's about the elderly thing. Ronnie said he's had all 3 shots already. He said he'll get the fourth shot. He said he was fucking high so what do you want from him.
Howard asked Memet what he thinks about this. He asked if he thinks he's grumpier than ever. Memet said he wasn't high all the time out there and he does seem to be grumpier than ever. Howard said he almost called child services on him when he heard him yelling at Stephanie. He said he's gone berserk.
Howard said Ronnie and Stephanie went out to lunch with Memet and Memet recorded them. He said Ronnie was yelling at her for everything. He said he got mad at her because she wanted him to go for a walk on the beach with his shoes off. Memet said that's a normal thing. Howard said you'd think that Ronnie would be bending over backwards for her. He said he just went berserk over the whole thing. Howard played the clip and Ronnie said he doesn't like the beach and he has a pool for that. Ronnie said he was high at that point.
Howard said at lunch the bus boy spilled Stephanie's drink. Ronnie said it knocked the whole table over. He said it was the whole table. Howard said it was an accident. He said he yelled at Stephanie for saying sorry to the bus boy. He said he got so crazy over it. Ronnie said he was wasted. Howard said he gets wasted and he doesn't yell at people. He said he was never nasty with people. Ronnie said he will never be as wasted as he was. Howard said if he keeps going like that he won't have that many more nights. Ronnie said good.
Howard played the clip of Ronnie getting mad at Stephanie for saying sorry when it wasn't her fault. Memet said their food hadn't come out yet. He said he wasn't happy that he was going off on the guy like that. Ronnie said they were done eating already. Howard asked if he heard himself yelling at the guy. He said he knows he started behaving like this when he got on radio but he wouldn't have done this back in the day. He said all of a sudden he's a big star. Ronnie said he's not a big star. He said they were laughing about it. Howard said he didn't hear any laughs.
Howard said at one point Ronnie yelled at Stephanie for not reading a sign to him fast enough. He played that clip. Ronnie sounded wasted in that clip and asked Stephanie about some store and she didn't respond fast enough so he went off on her. Ronnie said they went to a dispensary and smoked some shit. He said he didn't mellow out right away. Howard said he's yelling at her for not reading a sign fast enough.
Howard said this is another angry moment. Memet said this is the angriest he got that day. He said they're on a boardwalk and people approach you to look at their stuff. He said a guy who asked her to buy an edible came out and Stephanie said no so he went off on her. Ronnie said the guy was a drug dealer. Howard played a clip of Ronnie asking her why she would even walk over to them. He went off on her for talking to them. He told her to shut the fuck up.
Howard said Ronnie has gone nuts. He said the drug dealer was treating her better than he does. He asked what has gotten into him. He told him to lighten up. Ronnie said he's lightening up. Howard said some people came by and Ronnie went nuts over the electric bicycles. Memet said he was shouting at people. He said the electric bikes are a big hot button thing in the senior community because they can't get out of the way fast enough. He said if he feared for his life like that he'd want the bikes gone too.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie going off on people for riding the electric bikes. He was telling people to get a car and talking about what horse shit it was that they were riding it there.
Howard said he thought that retiring was a time to relax. Ronnie said they were on the beach and they had no business being there.
Memet said that Ronnie picked the biggest blunt in the store. He said it's like a cigar that you smoke. He said that he smoked it and he chose to smoke it at a playground on the beach. He said he has some audio of that. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was talking about why he was there and he didn't care about the kids. He said they're used to it there.
Memet said they were 10 feet from a slide there. He said kids were coming down into a cloud of smoke. Howard said he hears the kids playing in the background and they must hear him yelling the word fuck. Memet said he heard kids asking what that smell was. Howard said imagine how scary Ronnie is to a child. Memet said he remembers guys like that on the beach yelling and scaring you. Ronnie said keep pouring it on. He said he should have left then.
Howard said Ronnie was erupting and yelling at people. He asked what's wrong with him.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it turned out to be fake Mel Gibson who said Ronnie is his hero and he should be treated like a man with kindness. He was out of breath and defending Ronnie. Howard let him go a short time later.
Memet said that once Ronnie got high he had a different attitude. He had a clip of him happy on the beach. He started singing ''Surf City'' while they were there on the beach. Howard played that and laughed as Ronnie was trying to sing the song. Howard said that's senile Ronnie. He said he's more fun.
Howard said he was so high that he didn't remember that he had smoked weed. Memet said he was on another planet. Howard played a clip of Ronnie singing along to the actual song.
Howard said Stephanie did get a nice word from Ronnie about his penis getting a tingle in it. Memet said Stephanie said they want to get married in October. Howard said look at what's going on out there. Memet asked if the wedding is happening. Ronnie said you'd have to talk to her about it. He said they're supposed to get married at the Elvis chapel. He said the original one too. He said that's where Bon Jovi got married.
Howard said Mike Pearlman was telling him that he brought his kid to Ronnie's house and the kid just stared at him. He said Ronnie just stared back at her and didn't say a word to her. Ronnie said he's so full of shit. Howard had Mike come on to talk about it. Ronnie said this is bullshit. He said it wasn't a kid's party. He said he knew it was going to be a bunch of drunk people there. He said he had a baby there. Mike said he stopped there for about a half hour. He said one of the other guys was there with his kids too. Ronnie said they're older. He said no one brings a baby there. Mike said Ronnie was there in the driveway and he introduced them and Ronnie didn't know how to respond to a child. Ronnie said he didn't know how to respond to an idiot bringing a baby to a party like that. Mike said it was in the middle of the day.
Howard did his impression of Ronnie telling Mike to leave the kid in the hot car. Howard asked if the kid was scared. Mike said she wasn't. He said they only stayed for about a half hour. He said it was like Ronnie was stone faced. He said he didn't ask how she's doing or anything. Ronnie said he as thinking that her daddy is an idiot for bringing her to a party like that. Howard said he's not sure what happened to Ronnie out there. He said he went out there to Vegas and became a maniac.
Howard said he has a theory on Ronnie. Ronnie said here it comes. Howard said okay then he'll let the audience talk about this. He took a call from a woman who asked if he belongs at a BINGO hall or something. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he might be so irritable is because he's still taking that Maca stuff. Howard asked what that is. Ronnie said it's Maca root. The caller said that might be what's causing this. He said he can tell the difference when he takes it. He said he gets irritable himself when he takes it and skips a day. He said he might want to try changing that up. Howard said Ronnie thinks that he's a doctor and he can self medicate with that stuff. Ronnie said he takes it twice a day.
Howard asked Ronnie who turned him onto that and the horny goat weed. Ronnie said he read about it and took it. Howard asked where he read about it. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said his doctor said it won't hurt him. He said he has no problem with him taking it.
Ronnie said he asks these questions and doesn't like the answers so why ask. Howard said he's not getting on him. He said he just thinks it's funny. Howard asked what Bon Jovi has to do with him getting married at the Elvis chapel. Ronnie said nothing but they had a picture of Bon Jovi there getting married there. Howard said it has nothing to do with him. Ronnie said at least he's not getting married with a fake Elvis who can't carry a note like Memet did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's 73 and dealing with mortality and he flips off the handle easily. He said he's living his life but he thinks it boils down to his age. Howard asked if he flies off the handle when he hears the word ''elderly.'' The caller said sure it does. He said he's detailing with life and it stinks. He said he probably won't be around when he hears about the year 2037. Howard asked if he's so angry that he wouldn't say hi to Mike's daughter. The caller said he can't relate to that.
Howard said he thinks that has a lot to do with Ronnie and his anger. He said he must think about how long he has. Howard said he's trying to get into his head. Howard said he feels like he's 15 again dealing with his parents the way he is. He said he should try doing that. Ronnie said he is taking care of the elderly. Howard said he understands he wants to have some fun with the time he has left but be careful with the weed stuff. Ronnie said he isn't doing it all the time.
Mike said he had a different observation with Ronnie. He said he thinks he is angry but since he moved to Vegas he has been lighter and softer. He said he thinks things are working out for him out there. He said he seems like he's not so quick to lash out. He said he's still angry but it's subdued a little bit. Memet said he just wanted to go home and leave L.A. Ronnie said he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks if he was at that playground with the kids he would have kicked the shit out of him. Ronnie said he's so tough on the radio. Memet said he is scary looking and he thinks the parents there were intimidated by him. Ronnie said he always gets people saying they'd beat the shit out of him.
Mike asked what he was wearing on the beach. Memet said he did have some skull stuff on. He said he had some glasses with skulls on them. Howard asked if he cut off his sleeves to show off his tattoos. Memet said no but he did light up when he found the skull glasses. Ronnie said it was fucking cool when he was high.
Mike said he finds Ronnie's clothes to be very interesting. He asked if he had a cut off shirt or not. Ronnie came back on and had his skull sun glasses on. He asked how fucking cool they are. Everyone was laughing at him.
Howard asked what he was wearing for causal clothes. Memet said he thinks he was dressed like a normal old man. Ronnie told him to go fuck himself.
Howard took a call from a fake mom who was at the playground that day. She was crying over the whole thing saying her kids haven't slept since then.
Howard saw the picture of Ronnie on the beach and he had a skull shirt and the skull glasses on. Ronnie said he just likes skulls. He said he thinks they look cool. He said that's all there is there. Mike was laughing at him. He said he thinks that he's trying to go for something there. Howard said he has a theory about that. He said he thinks he's worried that he's going to be a skull soon. Memet asked if the number 13 has something to do with anything. Ronnie said it's the company. Howard said he thinks Ronnie thinks he's a biker. Memet asked about his ripped jeans. Ronnie said that's the style right now. He said he bought them like that. He said that's the style.
Ronnie went off on Mike for being called a tough guy because of his clothes. Howard said Mike is an actual tough guy. He said he can ride his bike around his neighborhood with his shirt off. He said that's a tough guy.
Mike asked Ronnie if he works out. Ronnie said he does. He said he's not trying to be Mr. Atlas but he works out some at home. He said he has a treadmill and things like that. Ronnie said Mike has a big mouth and that's probably why he got shot. Mike told him to cut it out.
Howard took a call from Eugene in Kentucky who said that he thinks that Ronnie is insecure deep down inside and that's why he gets so defensive about stuff. He said that's why he's angry all the time. Ronnie said it sounds like he's right. Howard said he thinks he might be. He said that's what it is. Howard said he knows him well from working with him for 35 years or whatever. He said he thinks that cold be it.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked how he can talk to his partner the way he does. She said if someone else talked to his daughter that way then he'd be upset. Ronnie asked if she has talked to Stephanie about how she feels. The caller said no. Ronnie said Stephanie is the queen of the house. The caller said if a guy talked to her daughter that way she'd be horrified. Howard said he would be too. The caller said that he should be speaking to her in a kind and gentle way. She said she was married for 22 years and she didn't say fuck you to her husband once even though she hated him.
Howard said that some guys think they're funny doing stuff like that. He said he had an aunt and uncle like that. He said it was disturbing to him. He said no one wanted to be around it. Mike said it has to be exhausting too. He said to be fighting all the time has to be tough. Ronnie asked him to bring his wife into the room. He said he forgot that she left him. mike said that was 4 years ago. Howard said that she might still be there if he told her to go fuck herself. Mike said he's with a girl now and they don't say one bad word to each other. Ronnie said she's hot. He said she looks a lot like his ex-wife. Mike said she doesn't. Ronnie said she really does and he knows it.
Howard said Mike Fox thinks that Ronnie is into Pearlman and wants to fuck him. Howard got Mike Fox on to talk about that. Fox said he thinks he finds Pearlman attractive. Howard said Ronnie did tell Jon Blitt that he would fuck Pearlman if he was gay. Ronnie said you have to hear the questions this guy comes up with. He said the guy is insane. Robin said he had an answer for the question though. Ronnie said its his job to answer those questions.
Howard got Blitt on to talk about those questions he asks. There was a question about saving a life by blowing a guy. Ronnie said he would and the other guys were saying no.
Howard asked Ronnie what it is about Mike that makes him want to fuck Mike. Ronnie said it's the bullet hole. He said he really doesn't know. Howard asked if he's the hottest guy there. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard said Blitt asked which guy he would want to fuck on the staff. He said Ronnie had an answer. He said he wouldn't have had an answer. He said he admires he had an answer. He said that he was talking about fucking Mike when he was hypnotized too. He asked if he likes his physique. Ronnie said come on. He said he doesn't have an answer for him. He said he just wanted to shut Blitt up.
Howard asked Mike if it makes him feel good or is he proud of this whole thing. Mike said not at all. He said it's coming from Ronnie and not a hot chick. He said it's a little disturbing. He said in the back of his head he's thinking about how this guy wants to fuck him when he's asking questions about cars and stuff.
Howard said they had Ronnie under hypnosis and he became ''Angelina.'' He played a clip of Ronnie as Angelina talking about how she'd want to fuck Mike Pearlman.
Howard thanked the guys for all of that. Howard said Ronnie did seem a little angry out there in Los Angeles. He said that Ronnie claims he is happy out in Las Vegas. Ronnie said he is. He said they can say whatever they want about that.
Howard went into a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said that's a song. He said what a song. He that's Trent Reznor. He said he doesn't even say Nine Inch Nails. He said it's just Trent Reznor. He said that's what people should say from now on. He said he does it all in that band. He said he's just one person so you have to call him by his name. He said this song is about religion and he hates the hypocrisy that people have with religion. He said he feels it's a lie.
Howard said up at SiriusXM they have Christian Bale so he wanted to come on and say a quick hello. Howard went to fake Christian and talked to him about being in the next Thor movie. Fake Christian, who sounded nothing like Christian Bale, was talking about his new role and giving his thoughts on acting.
Howard asked Christian about his health and his gaining and losing weight. Christian was cold so he yelled at the staff asking who fucked with the thermostat in there. He thought he had turned his mic off. Howard said his mic is still on. Christian said that was very unprofessional of him to do that. Howard said he doesn't go for that.
Howard asked what the noise was in there. Christian started yelling at the staff again about touching his mic.
Howard asked fake Christian Bale about The Batman and what he thinks about Robert Pattinson as Batman. Christian gave his thoughts on that and how he didn't lose weight like he has for his roles. He ended up yelling at the staff again.
Howard said he knows he's got limited time so he's going to wrap up. Christian ended up yelling at Robin for interrupting him. Howard said he won't stand for that. Fake Christian apologized for that. Then he yelled at the mail man for interrupting him. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard asked if he's shocked that he came back at him if he knew what he was getting into. Howard said of course he's going to do that to him. He said that's what Mike does. He said there are no rules when you do this stuff. The caller said he thinks he made a good point. Howard said his question is how Mike has time to do acting with the time he spends on social media.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saved his life. He said he didn't put a gun in his mouth because of Howard. He said he had a stroke in 2015 and he's 73 now. He said he can't dress or wash himself. He said he has a wife who takes care of him. He said that he's a Vietnam vet too. Howard said he's sorry to hear about all of this. He asked if he was overweight. The caller said he had a heart condition that gave him the stroke. He said it's the worst thing.
Howard said his dad had a stroke. He said he doesn't want to take away time from Tom though. Tom said he can't dress or wash himself. He said he can't take a shower. He said he can wipe himself. He said his wife has to help wash him while he stands there. Howard asked if that's the worst feeling in the world. Tom said it is.
Tom said he hasn't had sex in 10 years because of this. He said he can't get hard. He said he hasn't had a hard on in 10 years. Howard asked if he can't move his hands. Tom said he lost everything on the left side. Howard asked what he does all day. Tom said he watches TV and listens to Howard all day. He said he likes sitcoms. Howard asked if he ever goes outside. Tom said he does. He said he can walk but not very far. He said he has to use a cane.
Howard asked if he can do anything sexually. Tom said he tries but she's not into it because he can't perform. He said she won't even do the vibrator thing. Howard said he could rub her titties or something. He said he could slosh his good hand down there too.
Howard asked what happened with taking himself out. Tom said he has listened to them since the AM days. He said he got them back after losing them for a while. He said he got them back on his iPhone now. Howard asked if he was a weed smoker. Tom said he was. He said he smoked in Vietnam. He said he came home and drank a lot. He said he was 18 when he went to Vietnam. Howard said no wonder he smoked weed and drank. He said he must have seen his buddies dying over there. Tom said he had a lot of memories from being over there. He said he was drinking a hell of a lot.
Howard asked how much he was drinking. Tom said about 1/5th a bottle of JD. He said he was still running and riding his bike before his stroke. Howard asked if it hurts. Tom said he didn't know what was going on. He said he saw his reflection in a picture and he saw his mouth falling down and then he fell over. He said he had to get a special shot to get his blood running again. He said he fell and hoped he wouldn't hit his head.
Howard asked if he looks at porn at all or does he just ignore it. Tom said he used to look at it. He said his friend had porn set up in his basement and he had hundreds of movies down there. Robin asked if he watched them together. Tom said they did. He said he's been friends since fourth grade.
Howard asked what the most fucked up thing was he saw in Vietnam. He said he saw guys moaning on the side of the road asking for their mothers. He said it was very fucked up.
Howard asked what kind of gun he carried over there. Tom said an M-16. He said that got the job done. He wished he had an AK-47 because they're better. Howard said he could talk to him all day. He said he sounds like a good dude.
Howard asked what he's going to watch on TV today. Tom said maybe a Western with John Wayne. Howard said how about staying away from violent stuff. Howard asked if he watches The Bachelor or American Idol. Tom said not at all. Howard said he should watch The Bachelor. He said it was the most shocking season ever. He said he'll talk to Robin about that later.
Tom told Howard about what he was doing with the drugs over in Vietnam and how he had some stuff with opium in it. He said it was wild stuff.
Howard asked if he ever had sex with hookers. Tom said oh yeah. He said he likes making love and they don't do that. He said they just get laid. Howard asked what it cost back then. Tom said $2. Howard asked if it was over in 3 seconds. Tom said sort of. He said it's all fucked up. He said he feels like his life is done. He said that's why he was thinking of ending it. He said then he hears the show and he thinks he should stick around. Howard asked what the most realistic movie about Nam was. Tom said Apocalypse Now. Howard said that's what he figured.
Howard asked Tom if he can get some physical therapy or something at the VA hospital. Tom said he had some physical therapy but he ran out of money for that.
Howard said he feels for Tom. He said he likes that listening to the show makes him happy. He said that he can't do the shit that he wants to do. Tom said he can't even write because he's left handed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a veteran himself and he was injured at 19 years old. He said he ended up in a wheelchair from falling from a helicopter. He said some guys can have a really good life after something like that. He said he's having a good life and walking again. He said he did what he had to do to get out of that chair. Tom said he had a great time when he was growing up and he thinks about that. The caller said there are so many resources that the VA has that can help him out. He said he can overcome a lot.
Howard said he wasn't even in the service and his therapist told him he should go to two more days a week. He said maybe Tom should check out the VA again. He said that he might be able to find some help here. He said Toby had a good point there.
Howard said Tom has a good wife there too. He said she stuck with him. Tom said that the care taker has it worse than the patient. Toby said he put his wife through hell. He said his wife survived him and she's a better person than he is. He said she's still with him.
Howard said Tom needs to be in therapy. He said he should be in there 9 days a week.
Howard said he has the ghost of John McCain on the phone. He had him on to talk about his experience in Vietnam. Fake John said he had a girl named Ping eat his ass for 50 cents back then. Howard cut that off pretty quick.
Howard said it was an honor to talk to two real men like Tom and Toby. He said real men usually ignore him. He said he feels like he's part of a group.
Howard said Tom must feel good talking to Toby. He said that he wants to know how he fell out of the helicopter. Toby said he was repelling from the helicopter and some equipment failed. He said he just kept going from there. Howard asked if he knew he was falling. Toby said he doesn't remember hitting the ground. He said he burned his hands on the rope. He said he doesn't remember hitting the ground. He said he spent 8 months in the hospital after that. Howard said that's like his worst fear. He said he can't imagine what that's like. Tom said he got hit by a car and broke his pelvis and doesn't remember anything.
Howard asked Tom if he ever cries. Tom said he does. He said he used to have a great life. He said he was outgoing and he had a good time. Howard said he wishes he was like Jesus and he could heal him. Tom said he does too.
Howard asked if he heard about High Pitch Erik and his blow job. Tom said he did and Erik is an asshole. Howard said he bets Debbie could get him hard. Tom said he would have blown her head off with is load back in the day. Howard asked if he thinks he has any kids running around in Vietnam. Tom said he didn't use rubbers so you never know. He said they just did an inspection of your penis and did it. He said that he never got an STD. He said he knows some of the guys he was with who did.
Howard asked if they see themselves as tough guys. Tom said not at all. He said he's a normal guy who wants to get back to being normal again. Tom said life is the greatest thing you can have. He said life and sex is all you need. Toby said we're doomed with this next generation.
Howard asked if Toby got laid over in Iraq. Toby said with camels maybe. Howard asked what that noise is. Tom said that must be his wife calling him. He said he doesn't want to interrupt the show.
Howard said his dog fell in the pool and his wife jumped in to save her. He said that he's not a man like these guys are. Tom said a dog is your best friend. He said he cried like a baby when he lost the dog. Howard said they're so brave. He said he and Jimmy Kimmel were attacked by a swan in a boat and they ran away. He said these guys would have fought.
Toby said his service dog saved him. Howard said maybe Tom can get one. Tom said he can't drive so he can't bring him to the vet or the groomer. Toby said there's always a way to do it. He said there's always a means of support. Howard said he could do this all day but he should get going. Tom said he's been a fan since the AM days. Howard asked if he's going to be okay. Tom said he's fine. He said he's not going to kill himself. He said he'll check in. Robin thanked Toby for calling in too. Howard said he's going to try to do something brave so he can be in on this. He said he's not sure what to do. Toby said he might be able to get him to parachute. Howard said he goes to the range with some buddies of his. He said he's so not like them. He said he can't even get a chaise lounge when he goes on vacation.
Howard said he sometimes walks around without suntan lotion on. He said that's about as brave as he gets. Robin told him to stop lying about that. Howard said he swears he does that sometimes.
Howard asked if Tom is going to smoke some weed. Tom said he can't. Toby said you can't smoke it if you go to the VA. He said they don't allow it because it's a federal law.
Howard asked Toby if he ever had hand to hand combat with a dude and killed them. Toby paused and said he did a couple of times. He said he was a marine. Howard asked how that works. Toby said when you're in an urban environment things can be right around the corner. He said you rely on your training and do what you have to do. Howard asked if they train you well in hand to hand. Toby said they do. He said it's good training.
Tom asked if he can hang up now because his body is tightening up. Howard let him go. He said call back next week. He told Toby he was good with Tom. Tom said he liked speaking with him. Tom was still there. Howard said he thought he hung up.
Howard said he was thinking about getting a hair cut to look more masculine. He said that's what he's thinking about when these guys are going through what they're going through. He said Toby can handle himself. He said he's good. Robin said he's a real motivater. Howard thanked him for his service.
Howard said he should have been a marine. He said he hopes women are blowing Toby all the time. Toby said he has a wife for that. Robin said thank her for her service. Howard thanked Toby for talking to Tom. He said he's the man. Howard asked what his rank was. Toby said he was a lowly sergeant. Howard said that's a rank. He said he watches that show SEAL Team. Toby said he's seen it. He said it's alright. He said it's a bit Hollywood. Howard said yeah it is.
Howard asked Toby if he watches the Equalizer. Toby said he has but it's not very believable. Howard said it is hard to believe that Queen Latifah can beat anyone up. He said he watches it though. Robin asked what he watches. Howard said Toby must watch sports. Toby said he watches a lot of The History Channel. He said he doesn't watch a whole lot of TV actually. Howard thanked Toby again for calling in. He asked if he was pissed that he had that equipment fail. Toby said it depends on which branch you're in. He said that stuff just happens and it happens to a lot more people than just him. He said he hopes people in the audience get the help they need. He said he's had some dark days himself and he knows there is help out there. He said with the right support you can get through anything. Howard thanked him again for being brave and defending our country. He let him go and said that's a real man right there.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked about going to therapy and she hears him mentioning things on the show and if he has ever considered going back to school to get his degree in psychiatry. Howard jokingly said he's in the middle of that right now. He said that's what he's doing now. The caller said he could use it in his interviews. Howard joked about that for a minute and let the caller go. He said he'll be a thousand years old by the time he finishes all of that school. He did a live commercial read and took another break.
Howard came back and said he feels like this song is too hard to sing for most people. He said Katy Perry and Lionel Ritchie and the country dude didn't tell the girl on American Idol not to sing this song. He said that he's not sure what they told her. He said it was two nights in a row that they had Idol on. He said he thinks she didn't get through but maybe he's wrong. He said he sometimes suffers from PTSD from being a judge on TV. He said the worst part of that show was not being a judge and having to shtick it up. He said he was watching Idol with all the judges dancing around. He said his PTSD kicked in during that. He said you have to constantly have banter and mix it up with people on the show. He said he didn't need the gig. He said the producer over there whose name he can't remember was so good. Robin asked if it was Paul Telegdy. Howard said that's not it. He said this producer would come in and tell him to mingle and they'll have Heidi pop out of a cake. He said the guy was a fan of his and he had to know he can't do that shit. He said he signed on to be a judge.
Howard said he was watching and Luke Bryan's wife did a prank on the staff and he got so angry. He said it was bringing back bad memories. The guys let him it was Jason Raff who he was thinking of as the producer there at America's Got Talent. Howard said he was blocking it all out.
Howard said he liked those guys Tom and Toby. He said he liked that he had hand to hand combat. He said he'd like to know how long it lasts. He said it probably doesn't last long. He said that most fights don't last that long. He said it usually happens quick.
Howard took a call from a guy, Mickey, who told him that the hand to hand doesn't last long. Howard asked why the guy doesn't just shoot you. Mickey said sometimes they do. He said sometimes they get right into it and they don't have weapons. He said that you just get them out of the way as fast as you can. He said that the best thing he did was grab a guy and cut off his artery so he's out in like 13 seconds. He said you cut that blood off to their brain and they're down. He said he did it to just a few. Howard said this might be the manliest show he's ever done today. He said he can't imagine being like that.
Howard said he took Karate for a while. He said he and his kids would practice. He said he once punched the sensei by accident and he kicked him in the throat. He said he never went back after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he doesn't get how manly he really is. He said he doesn't think that anybody would have been lowered down on a cable as Fartman. He said he wouldn't have done that. The caller said he was in the military and then a trauma nurse. He said he's like the Lex Luthor of heroes. He said he's the mental hero. He said he defended the first amendment right and he talked that guy off the bridge. Howard said he's making him see things a different way.
Howard took a call from a woman, Heidi, who said that he's her hero. She said that she lost her parents not too long ago and she was having a tough time with it yesterday. She said that Howard was on and she felt it was so appropriate with what's going on in his life. She said then he went not Gary about his vote with Dolly Parton and it just made her so happy. Howard said imagine Dolly Parton is being judged by Gary. He said it's so outrageous. He said there's no way he'd want to be judged by Gary Dell'Abate.
Heidi said she loves Gary and she loves the show. She said when the pick on him it makes her laugh but it also makes her feel like he has things going on in his own life so that's when he does it.
Howard said he was on the phone with a new doctor yesterday. He said he's at his wits end with all of this. Howard said his dad is completely off his rocker so he has to deal with him. He said anyone who goes over he asks them not to leave. He said his father asked his daughter Ashley not to leave. He said her fiancee got up to go to the bathroom and he asked where he was going. He said he told him to piss in his pants and not leave.
Howard said Ashley is so great. He said she's very compassionate and caring. He said that she went to the bathroom with his dad. He said she saw he has big balls.
Howard said his dad never showed any emotion in his life and now he can't be alone. He said he tried to explain to his dad that being sad is okay. He said it's a good thing. He said he didn't want to experience it. Howard said his parents are both having a tough time. He said he's having a tough time too. He said he's not sure why they're having such a tough time. He said his daughter is an angel. He said it's not her burden but she says it's her pleasure to help.
Howard said he feels bad for Beth who has to deal with him. He said he's walking around screaming and yelling. He said this poor guy who is going to be his son in law had to pee his pants. He said if you want to join his family you're insane. He said his dad won't even go to the bathroom himself. He said he was afraid that they were going to leave while he was in there.
Howard said his dad is in bad shape. He said he has a team over there with them. He said that they have to sedate him at times. He said it's kind of fun to see that actually. Howard said he wants to be sedated 24 hours a day. He said Joey Ramone knew what he was talking about when he wrote that song.
Fred played some Ramones ''I Wanna Be Sedated.'' Howard said what a band. He said they never got their due. He sang along with the song a bit. Howard said everything is fucked up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a veteran and a mortician there in Houston. He said he's calling bullshit on the hand to hand combat stories these guys are telling. He said that doesn't happen that much. He said when they run out of bullets they usually run away. Howard said he doesn't think that they were making stuff up. He said they sounded pretty real about that stuff.
Howard asked how great it is that the Russian army sucks and they're getting their asses kicked. The caller said he loves how they just have everyone there in Ukraine killing the Russians who come in. Howard said they're really kicking ass over there.
Howard said he was watching the news and thinking they should rush into Russia and take over that country. He said Putin has to be embarrassed. He said he was a big KGB guy and now he's getting his ass kicked. He said the guy is pulling in a billion a day in oil money and he can't train an army. Howard said it seems like the Three Stooges trained that army. He said they've already lost 10 percent of their troops there. He said what a bunch of fucks. Robin said they picked the wrong time of year to do it too. She said the tanks are getting stuck in the mud.
Howard said the Russian army doesn't have their heart in this either. Robin said that if this gets drawn out the soldiers won't care about it. She said they don't have a reason to want to be there. Howard said there's a good possibility that if enough of these kids die over there someone in Putin's company may take him out. He said you can't pick out too many guys who don't get taken out eventually.
Howard said the Russians fight like him and lose. He said the poor people in Ukraine have to build back their cities. Robin said they're going to have to rebuild cities and for what? Howard said Jon Stewart said something on his show where he said you're watching him drive a country over a cliff in real time. Robin said he won't be remembered well either.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that High Pitch Erik should be on the Wack Pack Mount Rushmore. Howard said he thinks so too. He said there are those who think that Beetlejuice and Eric the Actor should be up there. He said for his money he's thinking that High Pitch Erik is the greatest Wack Packer of all time. He said its unbelievable what goes on with Erik. He said that this guy he knows met Erik once because Erik came up to him and asked him to take him out to dinner. He said that's just crazy. He said the guy told him to fuck off.
Gary said he had an appearance once and Erik showed up and talked to a friend of his. He said his friend has money an Erik talked to him and had him pay his cable bill. Gary said he felt bad and gave Erik the money for his cable bill.
Howard said he's starting to think that's the way to be in life. He said you never know who will respond.
Howard said for a Mount Rushmore of Wack Pack he thinks that Erik would have to be up there. Howard had Erik on the phone so he talked to him about that. Erik thanked him for saying that. He said that he has to thank him for saying he's his favorite. Howard said Erik once had a phobia with fish and they chased him around the studio with a fish. He said he was naked running from a fish and it was the funniest thing ever. He said Erik with the blow job just recently. Robin said he did the Craptacular. Howard said that's right.
Howard said he had nothing to do with Erik getting blown. He said he wanted nothing to do with it. He said he told them they can get together on their own time and it's their business. He said it was all funny but then Erik called them asking for them to reimburse him for transportation. He said that's Erik for you.
Gary said they were going over Erik on the Wrap Up Show the other day. He said he's not as dim as you think he is. He said he once ordered food for Passover and he got out of paying for it and even got a drive over to his sister's house from the guy on his way to deliver the food.
Howard said he loves Beetlejuice and Eric the Actor too but he thinks Erik has to be up there. Howard said how about the time Erik said he wasn't gay but he wanted Chris Wilding to blow him. He said he had his little penis contest appearance too. He said he had no penis. He said how about when he danced with Donnie Wahlberg. He said they weighed Erik using his new book to see how many it would take to lift Erik up. Howard said they had Will the farter blasting farts into his face too. He said he's got to be on the Mount Rushmore.
Erik said yesterday Jeff the Drunk called and said he and Mariann are kissing his ass. He said they come up with good content for the show. He said he doesn't kiss his fucking ass at all.
Howard had Jeff on the line and he was calling Erik a fat fuck. The two of them went back and forth arguing. Jeff said all Erik does is say he loves Howard. Howard said just because a guy digs him doesn't mean he's kissing his ass. He said he thinks the bigger issue is that Jeff is jealous of Erik and his Cameo business. Jeff said he is. He said Erik is getting full benefits too. He said that's fucking bullshit. Erik told him to stop being a fucking baby and a cunt.
Jeff said he's pissed that Erik still gets his SSI when he has that cameo money. He said he's not reporting that money he makes. Jeff said he wouldn't be getting SSI if he reported that money. Robin asked what that has to do with him. Howard said he heard that he brings that up with Chris every time he talks to him. Jeff said he does because it's not right.
Howard asked Chris what happens when he talks to Jeff. Chris said it goes to the topic of Erik every time. He said that it's never about Jeff improving himself and getting on the show with something. Howard said he's fighting with a guy who has nothing. He said be happy for him if he has a couple of bucks. He said he should be obsessed with Jeff Bezos if he wants to be obsessed with someone. Jeff said that he's throwing him away and he takes care of Erik. Howard said he 's not Jeff the Drunk anymore, he's Jeff the Whiner.
Chris said he tries to give Jeff advice on what to do when he calls in and he just doesn't listen. Howard said he can't pick up on him every day. Jeff said he's not even on Cameo now. He said he can't live off of that alone. He said he has to have SSI.
Jeff said he had his Instagram stolen from him. He said he has a new one going. Howard said he's not sure how Chris takes it. He said that he has to let them go. Jeff said he has to apologize to Mariann for calling her a kiss ass. Erik said he and Mariann had a talk about Jeff yesterday.
Howard had Mariann on the phone and she was going off on Jeff about what he said about her. She said that she doesn't have Cameo but he calls her all the time complaining about stuff. Jeff hung up around that time. Erik said he's a crybaby.
Howard said if he had been normal sized it would have been terrorizing. He said he was so small though. He said that he could have been a billionaire from Cameo if he was around today. He said this month is the 15th anniversary of one of his defining moments on the show. He said his is when he ordered a hit on one of his listeners. He said that Johnny Fratto called in with a message that Eric had left for him. He played the clip where Johnny called in and told him about this message. He said he thinks he's asking him to do a hit.
Howard said the week before this guy called in to complain about Eric and he told them about how he had the whole school revamped for him.
Howard said Eric got so upset that he called in that he called Johnny Fratto for help. He played the clip of Eric's message where he told Johnny to track this guy down and ''You know what to do... you know what to do.''
Howard said that was unbelievable. He said Johnny's dad was in the mob so he figured that he would be able to help him. Howard said Eric called the show saying he didn't mean to have a hit out on him. He said he meant something else. Eric claimed that he wanted someone to teach him a lesson. Howard told Eric that was like a hit.
Howard said that guy Jerry has been in witness protection ever since then. Howard said Robin knows from watching the movies that when a hit is put out you have to watch your back.
Howard said he tried to get through to Eric by having Danny Cevallos on the show to explain to him that he could have gone to jail for that. He played a clip from that day.
Howard said he just wants to say to any fans out there that if you meet someone from the mob saying that ''you know what to do'' is very dangerous.
Howard said they're celebrating the 15th anniversary of that moment on the show. He said Johnny and Eric are no longer with us. He said he can't believe they're both gone. He said Eric died in 2014 and Johnny died the next year from lung cancer.
Howard said Jewell did a tribute to Eric on the show. He played a clip of her singing a song about ''Tiny Eric.'' Howard said what a beautiful tribute. Howard said imagine Jewell singing that to Eric.
Howard took a call from Jeff the drunk who had hung up earlier. He asked why he hung up. Jeff said he retracts his apology to her. He said he said he's not a kiss ass like Mariann or High Pitch. He said don't bring his name up. Howard said this is fascinating. He said he doesn't know what he's talking about. He said if you're in a battle with Mariann don't hang up. He said fight like a man and confront. Jeff said he doesn't need all these people hating on him. Howard said he brought it on himself. He said he throws people under the bus and he can't do that. Howard said he has to stop picking on them.
Howard said why bring Mariann's name into it. He had Mariann back on the line and she asked why he brings her name into it when she tries to help him. Jeff said this is the Howard Stern Show then if you can't take it then don't call into the show. Mariann was talking over him and not letting Jeff get anything out. Jeff said she'll always be an ass kisser. Mariann said he'll always be in that trailer park and be a miserable fuck. She said he'll never have a Debbie the Cum Lady. Jeff said he doesn't want her anyway. Mariann said he doesn't have it in him to do anything on the show like that cum hat thing or anything. Jeff said he can cum unlike Erik. Howard thanked the two of them for the call and let them go.
Howard said he had a lot to get to but he'll have to get to it next week. He said Marren Morris will be on and Machine Gun Kelly will stop by too. He said he has new music out. He said many other things will be going on next week too.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.