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Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Howard and the guys were back from their 2 week long vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about how they're back live. Robin said they were there sometime last year. Howard said they were away for 2 weeks and there's a lot to talk about. He said he's not that into being there though. He said he was not excited to come back. He said that can't come as a shock. He said he loves having time off. He said he loves being away from the show. He said he doesn't like going to work. Robin said there are people out there doing some unpleasant jobs. Howard said he's just talking about his job. He said the reason he doesn't like it is because he takes it so seriously. He said if he treated it like a podcast it would be different. He said no one is listening to it. He said there are some who are doing okay with them but most don't have anyone listening.
Robin said she saw that someone on E! has a podcast now. She wasn't able to remember the name. Howard asked why she's telling the story. Robin said she did the late night show. Howard said that's Chelsea Handler. Robin said that's it.
Howard said they're there and he's not thrilled to be back. Robin asked if he'll ever do a podcast. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he wants a paycheck. He said he knows some guys like Adam Carolla and Joe Rogan get paychecks. Robin said she read that Adam bought a $7 million home. Howard asked if that's from the podcast. Robin said here must be some money there.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel stayed at his house for a few days. He said they were talking about podcasts and how Adam is making money with his. He said Joe Rogan has to be making money with his. He said every time he goes on Facebook there's a Joe Rogan podcast link. He said he has some stuff going on in his life. Robin asked what he podcasts about. Howard said he interviews people. He said Jimmy has a friend who makes a lot of money in it too but he can't remember his name. He said he was going to do his podcast but then he didn't want him because he was doing other podcasts first. He said that's the word he got from the book company. Gary asked if that was Bill Simmons. Howard said that's it.
Howard said Bill makes money with his podcast too. He said he has like 50 of them. He said he can barely get through this one show. He said he can't imagine doing more than one.
Robin asked if he listens to Conan's podcast. Howard said he did but it was the one where he was the guest.
Howard said Orlando Bloom is coming in tomorrow. He said he was watching his show Carnival Row and it was really good. He said it takes you a while to get into it but then you're into it. He said it's a fantasy show. He said it's a world full of pixies and other people who have horns. He said they're half man and half bull. Robin asked why he's not sure. Howard said he just started watching it. He said he tried to watch more last night but his TV had no audio again.
Howard said he wrote to the guy who he paid most of his money to for that system and said he has no audio again. He said he feels like the boy who cried wolf. He said he asked someone to fix it so it works every time he turns it on. He said he had someone write back that it was rebooted. He said it would have been nice to have it before he went to bed.
Howard said it was called ''All the Wrong Moves: A Memoir About Chess, Love, and Ruining Everything'' he thinks. Jason said it's by Sasha Chapin. Howard said it was the same thing he had with the game. He said he tried to be perfect and it ends up ruining your life.
Howard said the game makes you look at every possible variation to figure out what to do. He said you have to know what can happen. He said he hates doing that. He said he was the guy in school who figured he was close enough when he did math. He said he wasn't after the exact answer. He said in chess you have to look at every spidering effect. Robin asked why he took it up. Howard said he can't even answer that. He said he doesn't know. He said he got up to 1800 on the ICC. He said he was pretty good. He said this book was very good. He said it was recommended to him by George Stephanopoulos. He said George has nothing to do with chess but he liked the book. He said he recommended it to him.
Robin said it says he comes to some zen like conclusion. Howard said yes. He said he looked up this guy Glen Feingold who was mentioned in the book. He said he's very interesting. He said Beth wonders how he watches all of this shit. He said to other people it's very boring but he enjoys it. He said it's fantastic to him.
Howard said they have some interesting tid bits from vacations. He said that they have 4 hours ahead of them so buckle down or buckle up.
Howard said this woman was in the Bahamas reporting on the storm and she's in the attic. He said she was in her second floor bedroom but she said he had an evacuation plan. She said she could climb to the roof if she had to. He said she was talking about tying a rope to her husband and animals and then float with their cooler. He said there's like 20 feet water with waves and that's her evacuation plan. He said that's like saying you're going to grow gills and float away like a fish.
Robin said the storm is going up the coast and it will hit North and South Carolina and they were interviewing this woman about what she's going to do and she's staying but keeping her eye on the storm. Howard said he saw a guy talking about riding out the storm. He said good, we have too many people anyway. Robin said keeping an eye on the storm does nothing.
Howard took a call from Balls who said it's not the same without them on the air. Howard asked about the phony phone call-a-thon. Balls said it was great.
Balls asked what he thinks about the Dave Chappelle comedy special on Netflix. Howard said he thought it was brilliant. He said he and Jimmy watched it together and laughed the whole time. Howard said he suggested that everyone watch the special. He said Dave is state of the art. He said he has so many specials on Netflix. He said you're mind boggled that he has so much material. He said you think he needs 10 years to come up with more but he seems to be a machine.
Howard said the special is called Sticks and Stones. He said he had to hang up on Balls because of his connection. Howard let him go and got back to Dave's special. He said Dave talks about Michel Jackson and Louis C.K. and he does it in such a charming way. He said you're not looking to agree. He said he just wanted to laugh. He said it's so wonderfully delivered. He said his ease on stage is great. He said you feel like you're at a dinner party with the most interesting guest in the room. He said he's endlessly entertaining. He said you really have to watch it. He said it's phenomenal. Robin said she'll be watching it today.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he still has the Peloton bike going. Howard said yes he does. He said he got Jimmy to get one. He said Jimmy thinks that he got a bunch sold after he talked about them. He said he has to agree. He said that bike is great and the teachers are really good. He said he's learning how to use the bike and it's great. He said it's not a typical bike you ride in the street. He said you have to learn about using the screen and all of that. He said he's getting more and more comfortable with it.
Howard said he just finished the 6 week beginner's class. He said he's getting his heart rate up around 150. He said he dropped 10 pounds doing it. He said it's working.
Howard said he's done with the 6 weeks but he's not sure what to do now. He said he wrote to the people and the woman responded but didn't help that much. He said he needs something to follow. He said he wants someone to tell him what to do so he can do it 4 days a week. Robin asked if he just wants to try something. Howard said he won't do that. He said he might try something stupid.
Howard said Jimmy and Molly are going to get a bike but share it. He said he won't let Beth share his. He said he has it set up for himself. He said he's looking better without the big gunt. He said he has to hit the sit ups and stuff. He said he's feeling more confident. Robin asked if he does weight work outs. Howard said he does but they're lame. He said his eyes hurt when he does that.
Howard said the brown was there through the night. He said that it was gone by morning. He said he was feeling really sick from it.
Howard said he has some pockets in his colon. He said they can turn into something bad if you don't eat enough fiber. He said that he thought he ate enough fiber. He said he eats rice and stuff. He said he does everything. He said Dr. Agus told him to get rid of the pockets he has. Fred asked if it's diverticulosis. Howard said that's it. He said that can turn into diverticulitis.
Howard said he's eating these Metamucil apple crisps. He said they're really good. He said that they may not have enough fiber in them though. He said he has to call Dr. Agus. He said he feels like an asshole when he calls him.
Howard said he finished the colonoscopy and went home and rested. Then he had to drive a bit and he ended up shitting his pants.
Howard said he got home and ripped a fart and he thought that there might be some doody in there. He said he saw some juices in his underwear. He said he had to waddle. He said he took off his underpants. He said he had to wipe out his asshole a bit. He said he had grit in his underpants.
Howard said he went upstairs and put his underpants in a plastic bag. He said he got shit down his pant leg too though. He said he smelled his pants and they smelled like doody. He said he told Beth he was going to wash his pants and she wondered why he was doing laundry. He said she knows he never does it. Howard said he told her that he thought he shit his pants but didn't so he was going to wash his pants. He said they're his John Varvatos jeans. He said he can't throw those away.
Howard said he never works the washing machine. He said it looks like NASA with all of the buttons. He said Beth does the laundry. He said he asked Beth how to use this thing. He said he was doing it and it wasn't working. He said she put it on Instagram. He said he was telling her it wasn't working. Robin said she saw her post that and she was laughing her ass off.
Howard said he finally got it working and ran it through once. He said Beth ran it through a second time. He said she was wise to him. Howard said he actually shit his pants. He said he was shocked. Robin said there's a lot of liquid in your colon. Robin said he was sitting there driving and that doesn't work out well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he just got out of the hospital with diverticulitis. He said it's rough. He said he was middle of the road and he had to stay in the hospital for 6 days. He said he was buckled over in pain. Howard said this is why he's doing the Metamucil. He said he has to eat that stuff to avoid it.
Howard said this is why he's going to try to stop from getting it. He said Richard must have something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been on the Metamucil stuff for 20 years. He said you have to go to the coarse grind sugar. He said you take 16 ounces of water and take 2 tablespoons of that before bed. Howard asked how many grams of fiber there is in it. The caller said he has no idea but it's life changing. He said his shits are amazing. He said his shits float. Howard said look at you. The caller said Howard will end up with the coarse grind natural sugar. Howard said he'll check with Dr. Agus.
Howard said it's a good time to play a phony phone call. He said they called a show with clips of him talking about going for his colonoscopy. Howard played the call and the guys called in with clips of Howard talking about preparing for his colonoscopy. They had Howard cutting the guy off talking about having clear fluids and about the colonoscopy. They had Howard talking about shitting and having water squirting out your ass. The guy told him there's no reason to get into that. The host said it's a family program and there's no reason to talk like that. He said he knows that God is going to ask him on judgment day why he would use foul language on that man's program. Howard went to break after that phony phone call.
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Howard said he was getting into a lot of music over vacation. He said he listened to the new Sheryl Crow album. He said she did songs with a bunch of artists. He said she did songs with Willie Nelson, Maren Morris and others. He said it was a really good album. He said Avril Levigne has a new album out and it's really good. He said she has a new song and Sheryl's album was really good. He said he read about the new Tool album and listened to that. He said he was mad at them for backing out of the record deal they were going to do for his movie. He said that they had an 11 minute version of No Quarter that they were going to put on that album. He said he cleared 11 minutes for the album and then they pulled out. He said they claim they weren't even in on it. He said their new album is pretty good from what he heard.
Howard said there was something else he was listening to. He said he was upset about Bachelor in Paradise. He said on The Bachelor they have a guy on who has a girlfriend stashed at home. He said they end up sending them home if they have that. He said there's a woman on Bachelor in Paradise and this woman has a girlfriend and a boyfriend back home. He said she's bi. He said that they have a whole name for that like pan sexual. He said she decides that she wants to be with the girl but they don't send her home. He said she goes to the island even though she has a girlfriend. He said he was very upset. He said she's a lesbian so she gets a pass.
Howard said he was the one who said that lesbians equal ratings years ago. He said he still thinks that's the case but you have to stick to the rules on that show.
Howard said he has some friends who went out and golfed. He said that he wondered how they have time for that. He said then he realized if he didn't watch The Bachelor he'd have time. He said he hates golf though. He said Trump is playing 50 times more golf than Obama did. He said that Trump complained about Obama all the time but he plays more. Howard said nothing matters anymore.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if he has an update on Valerie Harper since she gave him a code word. Howard said he will do an update on Valerie but he has to hang up on Mariann.
Howard said Valerie Harper came on the show a bunch of years ago when she was diagnosed with brain cancer. Howard said he figured she had weeks to live. Robin said they gave her like 6 months to live. Howard said she came on the show and he asked her for a code word that only the two of them will know. Howard said Houdini did that with his wife. Howard said not one psychic was able to tell his wife what that word was.
Howard said Valerie lived another 6 years. He said she died last week. He said he knows the word and he has it written down. He said he just got back from vacation so he hasn't been to a psychic. Howard said Valerie lived 5 more years actually. He said it wasn't 6. He said he was given this word 5 years ago. He said he looked it up and it's in his head. He said only he and Valerie know the word. He said even Robin doesn't know what it is.
Howard said Valerie is probably in heaven since all celebrities go to heaven. Howard said Valerie played Rhoda on her own show. He said she was 80 years old. He said the show was on in the 70s and she got her own spin off from the Mary Tyler Moore show. Howard said she played a Jewish woman in the show but she wasn't Jewish. He said she was Italian or something. He said a lot of Italians play Jews.
Howard said Valerie got her own show and 52 million people watched her show when Rhoda got married. Howard said they estimated that half of the TV viewing audience in the country were watching it. He said Rhoda and Joe split and that tanked the show.
Howard said Valerie got another show that she left after 2 seasons. Howard said years later she came to see them in 2014. He said that she got brain cancer and talked about it on the show. He said how dare this cancer attack someone's brain. He said she had a great sense of humor. He said he asked her some questions about having sex after this diagnosis. He had some audio of Valerie talking about that.
Howard said he was really sad to hear she died. He said in order to prove there's an afterlife he got a code word from her. Howard played the audio where he asked her to write a word down for him so they can figure out if there is an afterlife.
Howard said he and Robin have had so much conversation he won't be contacting her when she dies. Howard said he's saying if you want to prove your stuff then come on the show and prove that you can contact Valerie Harper and get that code word. Robin said Houdini's wife would go seek these people out. Howard said he wants anyone who can do this to come in. Robin said how about the Long Island Medium. He said how about this blonde haired kid. That's Tyler Henry. Howard said the guy wanted to come on and prove himself. He said now he can. He said he wants to speak to Valerie Harper and not his grandpa. He said they're all fakes. He said none of them will come in. Robin asked if someone comes in and tells him this word then what. Howard said he will believe in psychics. He said he will kiss their feet. He said he's not kissing anyone's feet. He was grossed out thinking about it.
Howard said he has Rodman Delancy on the phone who says he can figure out the word. Howard picked up and Rodman said that Abandon is the word. Howard asked if that's a word. Rodman spelled it out for him. He was reading every word in the dictionary starting with the A words.
Howard said there you go. He said that Tyler Henry kid has called Gary. He said he's ready to talk to him now. He said they're going to be talking to Valerie Harper. Howard said he has a one in a billion chance of getting the word right.
Howard said now they have a bit. He said god bless Valerie Harper. He said he will be talking to her through Tyler Henry the Hollywood Medium. He said he goes on E! and meets with celebrities. He said they're all idiots. He said now they have a definite thing they can do on the show.
Howard said he used to have a woman on his Detroit show named Char who would do the psychic thing. He said he had no ratings and he had her on the show. He said they were dead last in the ratings out there. He said that she was really good but she'd bring in a feather with her and it would appear out of nowhere. He said she probably just dropped it on the floor. Howard said she's welcome to come in too. He said if Tyler fails he has to remove his Medium and Hollywood from his name. He said he has to denounce his Hollywood name. He said there's nothing psychic about that kid. He said if he does it he'll promote his ass.
Howard said if he's got the word then they're in business. He said they're going to talk to all kinds of celebrities.
Howard said they were on a beach and there is no parking area. He said he had to run and get her rescue box. He said she was rushing him to get it because the tide was coming in. He said it was one of those things that was just in time. He said it was like something out of a movie. He said Beth was there trying to help and the bird was staring at her like it wanted her help. He said it was a Gannet so it's big. He said that he ran and got her rescue box and Beth took this towel and draped it over the bird and throws it in the box. He said this box is big and heavy. He said he wishes he had video of that.
Howard said Jimmy was out there with him. He said Jimmy didn't even want to walk on the beach. He said they were out there for an hour doing this rescue thing. He said Jimmy taped it. He said that's why you have to go on and see the video.
Howard said he thought he was going to have a heart attack running. He said his big toe hurt from running in sneakers. He said it was like Baywatch for birds. Robin said that's what she was thinking.
Howard said he was yelling at people asking where the parking lot is. He said he wanted to save this bird.
Howard said they got this bird to the rescue center. He said this woman Jenny told him that the bird was probably poisoned from the pesticides in the oceans. He said the oceans are so polluted. He said that it's shocking that we're not part of these accords that Trump has pulled us out of.
Howard said Beth was like David Hasselhoff to his Pam Anderson. He said he was just standing in the sideline. He said he had her cut him out of the video because he looked effeminate standing there watching her. Howard said he did run and get the rescue box though.
Howard said this bird was cute. He said this poor thing can't live because the oceans are so polluted. Robin said every time they have a parade in New York City they have to clean up so much garbage. Howard said he thinks with the Amazon burning up is a big problem. He said it's like the lungs of this world. He said Sting used to scream about how we have to save the Amazon. He said he thinks he was right. Howard said we're the virus and the earth will figure out how to get rid of us. He said it's like we're the virus and we'll be taken out. He said the Earth is going to spit us out. Robin said the earth isn't going to disappear. She said it's going to get rid of us.
Howard said some people think of their future grandchildren and people like that. Robin said people like Trump know they won't live to see the problems so they just do things now. Howard said his dad thinks about future generations. Robin said people have kids and they don't think about the future.
Howard took a call from another woman who had a bad phone connection but he stuck with it. The caller said her mom had lung cancer and she told her that she would do something for her when she died. She said that was 4 years ago and she hasn't done it. She said that she asked her to turn a light out or something. Howard said that she might not have a way to turn them on or off. He said the psychics claim they can have a conversation. He said there is no afterlife. He said he can tell you that. He said these psychics have no ability to talk to the dead. He said when Valerie Harper gave him this word he knew that these mediums wouldn't be able to tell him what it is. He said if they can then he'll say they're superman. He said he'll make this guy a Superman costume if he can do it.
Howard said this caller should give him a secret word because she sounds like she's dying. Fred played a weazy laugh for her. Howard said hurry up and give him a word.
The caller asked what they have to do to get Shuli in the Artie Chair in the studio. Howard said he thinks he's done with that chair. He said it's not good for people He said Artie is having a tough time and even Jackie isn't doing so well.
Howard said he has to call Robin about going to L.A. with the show. He said they might be going out there. He said he has to promote his book out there. He said if Robin isn't up for it he can go out there and do it remotely. He said they can talk about it off the air.
Howard said he had written down in his notes to call Robin about it. He said he just forgot about it. He said they were talking about going out there to L.A. and have JD smoke weed for the first time. He said JD wanted a doctor there. He said Jimmy said he'd show JD how to smoke. He said Mike Tyson has a weed business out there so he might be the right guy to teach JD. He said Mike Tyson called up and left them a voicemail saying he will definitely do that for them. Gary said he was having knee trouble and people were sending him CBD oils. He said Mike's is the only one that actually worked.
Howard played the Mike Tyson message where he said that he'll teach JD how to smoke. He said they make more than they say in the news. Robin said in the story she read they said that they make $500,000 a month. Mike said it was more.
Howard said that he knows a guy who makes a killing in that business. He said that he wouldn't want to get involved in something like that. He said that's just him. He said he doesn't want to make a living that way but he won't put down anyone who does it. He said that's just not the way he wants to make money.
Howard asked if Robin does weed at all. Robin said not at all. Howard said he thought with the edibles or something. Robin said no. She said she does not smoke or do edibles. She said she doesn't use CBD oil.
Robin said when she was diagnosed one of her friends asked if she could get medical marijuana. She was asking for herself though. Howard said Robin took Ayahuasca. Robin said that was just once. She said she did it because people have used it for centuries for spiritual things.
Howard said everyone wants him to smoke weed. He said people wouldn't like him on weed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said what Beth did for that bird was wonderful. He said he would like to see a picture of her box. Howard said that's double entendre for her vagina for those who don't know.
Howard said JD went on a trip and he could tell he was miserable. He said JD was in the hotel while she was out Jet skiing. JD said that's fine with him. Howard asked what he's doing. JD said he was chilling out on the deck. He said they had a nice view. The caller said that was an advertisement for another guy to pick her up. JD said if things were like that then it wouldn't be much of a relationship.
Howard said during their trip JD's wife posted 242 pictures and videos. JD said it was all on Facebook. He said he's more worried about that stuff going on Instagram. Howard asked if JD asks why she's doing that. JD said she does it for her friends and family. Howard said JD went to a bunch of places on vacation. They were away for 10 days. He said they started out at the TWA hotel. He said they're at an airport when they do that. He asked why he would do that. JD said she wanted to go there. Howard said he's glad that she posted so much. He said that she's doing whatever she wants.
Howard said JD's wife goes swimming and JD doesn't. Howard asked what he did while she was swimming. JD said he just hung out by the pool. Howard asked if he's in his full clothes. JD said most people were in their bathing suits. Howard said he's never seen that at a pool. He asked if he's ashamed of his body. JD said it's not that great so he's kind of ashamed. He said he'd damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.
Howard said that's awesome that JD does that. That led to Fred taking out the JD puppet and goofing on JD.
Howard said then JD took a plane ride out to California. He said they had some rude guy sitting with them. He said JD is the nerdy guy who no one is afraid of. He said the guy in front of him pushed his seat back into his lap and he didn't say anything. Howard said he would have bounced his knee off his chair. He said he fucking hates people. Howard said JD sat there like a cuckold and let the guy do it. JD said pretty much. Howard asked how long the seat was back. JD said it was like a 5 hour flight. Howard said he would have kept hitting the seat with his knee.
Howard asked if JD thinks the guys were mad at him for having a hot wife. JD said he doesn't know. Howard asked if he was like ''Fuck this vacation'' just being on the plane. JD said he was ready to leave. They played a song parody about JD after that.
Howard said JD doesn't want this. JD said he doesn't mind traveling other than the actual travel part. Howard said he was out in the pool in his clothes and letting a guy put the seat back into his lap. Robin said there are people who get a show when the woman has to crawl over them. Robin said that could be why the guy wasn't moving out of JD's wife's way. Howard said take a guy like Chuck Zito and no one is going to put their seat into his lap. Howard said you can be sure the guys get out of his way. JD said what are you going to do.
Howard said you have to see the pictures from the TWA hotel. He said then JD was in Napa Valley. He said they rented a car and visited 4 wineries. He said JD went to places that featured Pinot Noir. He said JD only took one sip of wine from each glass because he was driving. He said he was being very responsible.
Howard said JD bought a $100 bottle of wine out there. He asked if he drank it. JD said they had it on their anniversary. Howard said he's a big spender. He asked if he has a wine collection at home. JD said they have a wine rack but not a whole cellar. Howard said they also took the wine train out there in Napa. He read about how JD was eating and talking about the fancy plates they use. JD said they were fancy foods they were serving. He told Howard what they had.
Howard said JD and his wife drove to Yosemite. He said JD fell and hurt his hands. He said it seems like they're just doing what she likes to do. JD said he had to walk around to see the park. Howard said JD was afraid of falling and dying so they didn't get to the waterfall they went there to see. Howard said the next day they went on a 12 mile hike. He said they looked it up and it's a strenuous hike. He said some guys think that his wife was trying to kill him. JD said stop it. He said there were a lot of factors that led to them going on this hike. He said he didn't want to waste gas so he didn't want to run out of gas. He said that's what he was worried about. He said that's where his mind went. Howard said he didn't want to move the car. JD said he didn't want to waste the gas. Howard asked if JD puppet knows what he's saying. Fred did his voice and had the puppet mumbling something about that.
Howard asked JD again why he didn't want to drive. JD said he wanted to be able to get to the next spot without running out of gas. Howard asked if JD did the whole hike. JD said he did. Howard asked what this has to do with the Goonies. JD said it inspired him to be more adventurous. Howard asked if he has seen that movie more than once. JD said he has. He said he loves it.
Howard said JD claims he didn't have sex that night because he was sore even in his taint area. JD said it was tough. Howard asked if his wife was upset about that. JD said they were both pretty tired.
Howard said JD ate chips and ice cream when he got to the top of the hike. He asked if he'll go on another hike soon. JD said sure if one comes up. Robin asked if he planned on doing the hike when he drove there. JD said not really. He said he knew they'd have to walk around.
Howard said they went to Lake Tahoe after that. JD said they went to a restaurant that looked out over the lake. He said he had Filet Mignon. He said he had some potato thing with that. He said he thinks there was asparagus or something too. He said he can't remember.
Howard said his boy is growing up. Robin asked where they ate in Napa. JD mumbled something and said they ate at the wineries. He said he can't remember.
Howard said JD's wife rented a Sea Doo Jet Ski and JD just stayed in the hotel room. JD said that it was in a different area. He said she was too far out for him to see her. He said she wasn't able to get close to the hotel. Howard said JD's wife was sharing a lot of pictures of the food they were eating. Howard asked why. JD said that's what people do.
Howard said he doesn't get it. He asked JD if he asked his wife why she was doing that. JD said no. Robin said he can't even remember what he ate. JD said the pictures are for memory.
Howard asked what the trip cost him. JD said she paid for some stuff and some other people contributed. Howard asked if they have separate accounts. JD said they do. Howard said when you get married you usually combine them. JD said he doesn't want to get into finances.
Howard took a call from a guy who was making jerking off sounds and said he's looking at pictures of JD's wife. He said he's almost there. He made a sound like he was finishing off. JD said that's a solid joke.
Howard asked JD puppet if he's into talking about finances. JD puppet said that his wife basically pays for everything.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves JD but he's so irritated right now. He asked who goes to a pool fully dressed. He said he's wearing shoes and socks too. He said his beautiful wife went on a jet ski and JD is in his room? He said that Jet ski was probably $100 an hour.
Gary came in and said he has a picture of JD on the beach fully clothed from another vacation. Jason said that's from the same vacation. Everyone took a look at it and talked about how ridiculous that is. JD's wife was wearing a bikini while he was fully dressed.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that it sounds like JD's wife is taking him around the country looking for another husband.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he just found the pictures on Instagram. He said JD has to be part of this. Howard said he saw a low cut tittie view of her. JD said he was the one taking the pictures. Howard said he must have a big hog. JD puppet said that JD stands for Jumbo Dick.
Howard said JD wouldn't be devastated if he lost her. JD said he would not be doing well. He said he wasn't doing well before. Robin asked how he is now. JD said he's out of his house now. Robin said he is doing better. Howard said he was happy he was out doing something.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's surprised that they have separate accounts because this is a guy who used to spend 10 grand a year on webcam girls. He said you know he's hiding money from her. Howard said he's done with webcam girls then. JD said he's not on any sites or anything. The caller said that's bullshit. Howard asked if he looks at those sites at all. JD said he looks at porn. Howard said so does he.
The caller said the pic of JD's wife is hot. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said he's not trying to bust his balls. He said he likes that he's happy. Robin said he didn't say he's happy. JD said it was better experiencing it. He said the narrative after... whatever. Howard said he has no idea what he just said. Robin tried explaining it to him. She said she thinks experiencing it was good but it's hard to explain it.
Howard asked what he said exactly. JD repeated his whole narrative thing explanation. JD said there's him talking about it and other people interpreting it and talking about it. Howard said he needs Robin to be like Jane Goodall and explain to him what JD is saying. Robin said JD likes the complicated version even though she tried to simplify it.
Howard asked what his favorite part was. JD said getting through the hike was his. He hated the hike but getting through it was an accomplishment. JD said he's not looking to do that again. He said he walked up hill 3000 feet or whatever.
Howard said there are hikes out in California that aren't so bad. JD said he's seen those videos. He said he thought that's what this was going to be but it was a lot worse. He said she didn't know it either.
Howard said JD could hike out in California like Kevin Nealon does. He said it's kind of flat. He said he's not going to kill himself. JD said he put it out there that he would go on this hike so he did it to himself.
Howard said JD said going downhill was the worst part. JD said it's all downhill and you can slip and fall easily. He said he had to be very careful. Howard laughed and said he could listen to him all day. JD said he's sure he could.
Howard said Gary has become friends with Robin's friends out there in California. He said he tried to fix JD up with them but JD didn't want anything to do with it. He had plans and didn't want to change them. JD said they were only there a couple of days. He said he does not like his boat rocked. Howard said he really has to take a break. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked if Robin likes it. Robin said she does. She said she's thinking of JD and his wife with the lyrics. Howard wondered if Joe ever had sex with Sheryl. Robin said he's married. Howard said maybe before that. Robin said she was with that bicycle guy.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who was playing the part of a caller who was with JD's wife on the Sea Doo. Howard said it's none of his business what's going on with him.
Howard said he's going to play a game but only with Robin. He said he was going to play it with a caller for a prize but he'll just do it with Robin. He said this is a game where you have to tell if it's a porn teacher or a real teacher.
Howard took a call from a woman named Lindsay and asked if she wants to try to win. She said yes. Howard said he has an autographed copy of his book to give away. Howard asked Lindsay about what she does and found out she just called in to talk about a Baba Booey she heard. Howard asked if she's married. She said she's divorced. Howard said this conversation is going nowhere. He moved onto the game.
Howard said you have to get 3 out of 5 to win. He asked if this was a real teacher or a porn teacher. He played the clip and this woman was telling a student he should be quiet. Lindsay said it has to be a porn teacher. Howard said it's actually a real teacher. He replayed the clip.
Howard said this isn't so easy. He said she only got one wrong. He said she has 4 more chances. Howard played another clip where the teacher was saying she could help someone learn to write. Lindsay said that has to be porn. Howard said she's right. He said it was a porn teacher. Howard played the full clip where the student was reading a poem about jizzing on the teacher's chest. Lindsay said she thinks he wants her to think it's porn. Howard said he was just replaying the clip. He said he's just going to give her the prize and give up. He put her on hold. Howard said she was just slowing down the game. He said she thought this was a real teacher. He said he just gave her the answer and she still got it wrong.
Howard played another clip of a teacher talking about how she's done with this and for the student to wipe the smirk off his face. Robin said that has to be a real teacher. Howard said she's right. He played the full clip of the teacher yelling at this student. Howard said he likes playing with Robin.
Howard was talking about Robin going through chemo and still working. He said she said that she was energized by it. He said he wasn't even able to get through his colonoscopy. He said he tells people that Robin thrives and never complains, ever. He said she has the worst pain and says it'll just go away. He said she doesn't worry. He said he admires her. He said it's not in a condescending way at all. He said he really does. Robin said thank you. She said that everything is attitude.
Howard said he was talking to his daughter this weekend. He said she's a nurse and he told her if anyone complains about anything then just send them to Robin.
Howard played another clip of a teacher talking about not tolerating impolite. Robin said she thinks that's a porn teacher. Howard said it was a real teacher. Howard played the full clip and the guy was telling people if they want to yawn then go outside.
Howard played another clip of a teacher talking about homework. Robin guessed it was a porn teacher. Howard said it was. He played the full clip and it was obviously porn when the teacher talked about this student's juicy pussy.
Howard said he has one more. He played the clip of the teacher talking about how the rules are no talking and no phone. Robin said this is tough. Howard asked if it's porn or real. Robin guessed real. Howard said it's porn. He played the full clip where the teacher was cursing out the student and talking about licking her ass and pussy.
Howard said he wants to see that one. He said it's got a long title that tells you what you're going to get. He said he would have clicked on that one immediately. Howard wrapped up the game and went to break.
Howard came back and said Jimmy Kimmel asked what happened to his hit song with Mark Ronson. Howard said Jimmy claims that Mark is wondering the same thing. Howard said he heard the song and he didn't think they could do anything with it. Howard said he was humiliated by how bad it was that he never called him back. He said it's not Mark's fault though. He said he thinks he can come up with a song. He said he has to write about something he cares about. Robin said she saw a quote from Thomas Edison who said the worst thing is giving up. Howard said he never focused on putting together a song. He said he gets embarrassed to sing in front of a microphone. Robin said that's why you have to pretend you're alone. Howard asked if that's what she does. Robin said yes. Howard said he ends up talking in front of the microphone. He said he loves that guy Fred Schneider who sings ''Love shack baby!'' He said he can do that.
Howard said Fred is a good singer and it's a disaster when he performs. He said he has to get in the studio with Mark Ronson once he writes a song. He said if someone gave him a track he might be able to do something. He said he sounded like a goofball with Mark. He said they had the band Haim in the song. He said Mark doesn't want to throw it out. He said Mark thinks that he let him down but that's not the case. He said the song is stupid and not good. He said he wants to put out a good song.
Howard said Taylor Swift was up there while they were away. He said he thinks they plan it that way. He said they went all out with her. He said he's going out to L.A. and he's going to inaugurate the studios out there. He said he hopes they treat him half as good as they treated Taylor there in New York.
Howard said they took the whole SiriusXM floors and made it about Taylor Swift. He said they have this Fish Bowl studio in the lobby where everyone can see you performing. He said all around the fish bowl they have stairs. They were covered in stairs. He said they covered the logo with butterflies. He said the concert was in the fish bowl and they stopped employees from watching in the lobby. Robin asked where they had to go. Howard said one of their employees got yelled at. He said they had to go upstairs or something.
Howard said the fish bowl is so everyone can see you but no one is allowed to see Taylor Swift. He asked what the worst thing is that could happen if they saw her up there. He said he thinks the pope was brought in to bless her piano. He said Taylor did come back into their compound because she had to use the bathroom. He said last time they had to shut down the floor so she could go to the bathroom.
Howard said Steve Nowicki was walking around and security threw acid into his eyes so he can't see again. Robin said she'd like to know the rationale behind keeping people from seeing her. Howard said maybe it was her management. He said they did capture her feces and they'll be giving it away.
Howard said some of the staffers were asked to see their badges to leave the building. He said if the prison where Jeffrey Epstein was at had hired this security team he'd still be alive.
Howard said Taylor got the red carpet rolled out for her up there. He said he heard she sold a million copies of her album already. Robin said it was before it even came out. She said that's amazing in this day and age when no one buys music. Howard said she seems to be down to earth but she needs to be treated like a pharaoh. Robin said maybe it's not her. She said that she gave a fan tuition money so she could go to school.
Howard said he's not sure they care about him that much anymore up there. He said they used to have everyone line up for him when he'd visit from terrestrial radio. He said they don't do that anymore. Robin said that might get old doing it every day. He said maybe release some doves. He said actually don't do that. He said the doves starve to death when you release them like that into the wild.
Howard said he thinks they have to treat him in a certain way out in L.A. He said they need to treat him well but not Fred. Robin said they have to treat everyone decent. Howard said she must think that there are roses and butterflies everywhere. Robin said she doesn't think so. She said she thinks she gets it.
Howard said all of the construction noise that was going on was stopped for Taylor Swift. Howard asked if the barking is Deutsch's girlfriend. Deutsch said that's his dog actually. Deutsch told Howard that he has some power there and he was able to get Medicated Pete a hot girlfriend. He said that's the crux of power. Howard said he sees why he's named Douche. He said he thinks he's had enough of Deutsch. He let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a woman named Tarrah. Howard said she sounds hot. Howard asked what she weighs. Tarrah said she's 106. Howard said he could tell. He said he can tell if someone is hot. He asked who she looks like. She said she looks a little like Julianne Moore. Howard asked how old she is. Tarrah said she's 40. Howard asked about her cup size which was a B. Howard said he could tell she was hot. He asked if she's married. She said she is. She said she's happily married. She said she doesn't have kids and she doesn't want them. She said they love their life and don't want to change it.
Howard asked if she soft swings at all. Tarrah said no but they talk about Brent all the time. Howard asked what she's wearing right now. Tarrah said work out clothes. She said she has a tank top and a sports bra. Howard asked if you can see the bra under the shirt through the sides. Tarrah said that's it exactly. Howard said he's touching himself. He said she didn't say anything that provocative. He asked if anyone else is doing that. He said he's pressing the head of his penis with his finger.
Howard said he does this thing at work where he touches his penis through his pants. Robin said she has a friend who has a 4 year old autistic child who does that. Howard said he only does it on the air. He said he does it even when they're not talking about sex. He said he must be turned on by Tarrah's description of herself. He said she sounds hot. He said he met Julianne Moore. He said she was very cool and her husband was even cooler. He said he casts her in a lot of his films. Robin said she met her too at a juice store. She said they were both buying juice. Tarrah said she looks like a juice girl.
Howard asked who the most famous person other than him is that she has met. Robin said she has to think about that. She said there are a lot of famous people she's met. She met Dustin Hoffman in a juice store too. She said she met Harrison Ford. Howard said he ran into him too. He said he even knew who he was. Robin said she met Brad Pitt. Howard said he blew him off once. Robin said she met Julia Roberts in a bathroom.
Howard asked what he can do for Tarrah. She said she has some tips on eating fiber for his Diverticulosis. Robin asked how much fiber you need. Tarrah said it depends on the age. She said Howard might need 25-30 grams a day at his age. She said that she hears what he has to say about his meals and she has some tips. Howard said he's not sure about that. Tarrah told Howard in his morning breakfast he should add half a cup of Grape Nuts cereal. She said keep the blueberries in.
Howard asked about how much more fiber there is. Tarrah said it's about twice that of what his Metamucil has in those chips. Howard said he likes Dr. Agus. Tarrah said he's not a nutrition guy. Robin said oh yes he is.
Tarrah said he can also add some walnuts into that breakfast. She said that will help with the fiber. She said she's been doing this a long time. Tarrah said Howard also has an egg sandwich. She said that if they can do a fiber rich wrap that would be better. She said he could have some kind of special bread with more fiber in it. She said whole wheat is good for that too.
Howard said that's enough of this. He said it's bumming him out. Tarrah said good luck and slowly add the fiber into his diet. She said he could get bloated and constipated. Howard said that happened to him. Tarrah said that he should add a little bit every day and drink more water. Howard asked how many times a day she moves her bowels. Tarrah said 3-5. Howard said he wouldn't have time for his life if he did that. Robin said that's what you're supposed to do. Howard said that's a lot of dumps a day. Robin said things are supposed to move through your system quickly. Howard asked if she's sore from wiping. Tarrah said they're small and smooth so there's hardly any wiping. Howard said that's a lot of doody. He said she's like a doody machine.
Howard said she must go through a lot of toilet paper. Tarrah said she and her husband are on the same diet so they do. Howard asked how many times she's gone today. She said three times already. Howard said come on. He said this is outrageous. Robin said that's only because Howard doesn't have regular bowel movements. Howard asked if they're big movements. Tarrah said toward the end of the day they're lighter.
Howard said it's only 10:09 and she's already shit 3 times. He said that's insane. He asked if she's into anal. Tarrah said ''Ooo... no.'' Howard said he wouldn't want to be back there with her. He asked if she bathes after each movement. Tarrah said they're big fans of the baby wipes. Howard asked if she gets a lot of remnants. Tarrah said it all comes out very smoothly. She said the remnants mean you're stopped up back there. Howard thanked her for the advice and let her go.
Howard said they should take a break and get to news so they can get out of there. He said they should come back and do just 1 hour of show after a vacation. He said he didn't know he had to build up his fiber. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said Bobo is on the phone and wants to talk to Fred about his trip to Africa. He said he will hold off on that until tomorrow. He said they're tired and they want to go home. Howard said he's never been to Africa. He said he will never go. He said he has no interest in that. He said if he wants to see animals he goes to a zoo. He said it's not that great that he'd have to travel that far. He said he has seen documentaries.
Howard said he saw that Larry King got divorced while they were away. Robin said Larry apparently saw that his wife was trying to change some paperwork for what happens to his money when he's gone. Howard said that poor guy. He said he was married 8 times. Robin said this one lasted the longest. Howard said he thinks he'll find the right one now. He said the 9th will be successful. Robin said it's a shame that he said he doesn't want to die being married to that woman. Robin said they're saying that she may drag it out so maybe he'll die when it's all being figured out. Robin said the things they said were not nice. She said they haven't had sex in at least 10 years. Robin said they said that Larry liked having a beautiful woman on his arm and she liked being Mrs. Larry King but she has allegedly had multiple affairs. Howard said he heard he's in a wheelchair now. He said that's depressing. Robin said she doesn't know about that.
Howard said Larry King Audio book is on the phone and he wants to date Robin. He took the call and the guys had Larry asking for blow jobs from Robin and nothing more. they had him saying all kinds of stuff like that.
Howard let fake Larry go and said he's still shocked that they even had sex 10 years ago. Robin said she did talk about her sex life with Larry when she was in there. Howard said before they start news officially they should play a song. He played a song parody about Robin after that. Howard said that was a beautiful song.
Robin read a story about Peter Fonda dying while they were away. Howard said oh yeah. Robin said that was Jane's brother. She said he was 79 and died of lung cancer. Howard said someone else died too. He said they mentioned Valerie Harper. He said he made some notes. Gary said one of the Koch brothers died. Robin said it was David Koch. Howard said that wasn't it.
Howard asked if Robin saw The Boys yet. Robin said she has not. Howard said it's so good. He said it's as if super heroes were assholes. He said they're in it for the money. He said they'll kill someone if they're being a pain in the ass.
Robin read more about Peter Fonda's death and talked about his sister Jane. Howard said it must have been tough to be her brother. He wondered if he could see that she was hot being her brother. Robin said she'd imagine he'd be disgusted. Howard said thank god for that. He said he used to wonder how someone could date his sister. He said he thought that was disgusting. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about Taylor Swift getting political at the VMAs this year. Robin had some audio of her accepting an award at the MTV VMAs. Howard said he watched some of those VMAs. He played the clip Robin had of Taylor talking about something. Howard said she wears hot pants with stockings and that is not hot. He said she has to calm down with that. He said she almost looks like Wonder Woman. Robin said how about looking at women who dress the way he likes. Howard said she shouldn't wear that stuff.
Howard said he saw Dakota Johnson on Jimmy Fallon's show. He said she's very attractive. He said she came out in a mini dress that was so small. He said it had an awful rose on it and he wanted to rip it off. He said he should have been a stylist. He said Taylor Swift looked like JD at the beach. He played more of the clip of Taylor and said Kid Rock said she did this because she wants to be an actress.
Howard said he has to listen to her album. He said he has to sit down and listen to it. Fred played some of her song ''You Need to Calm Down.'' Howard listened for a few seconds and said that's enough.
Robin said the president is confused. She had a clip from FOX News where they were talking about how Trump has said FOX isn't working for ''us'' anymore and how that's not their job. Robin said there are still some shows on his side but there are some people covering him more critically. Howard said maybe it's over the trade wars or something. Robin said they're criticizing him for not telling the truth and things that other networks are saying. Howard said he knows that Trump hates Sheppard Smith because he bad mouths him all the time.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said asked how much Dancing with the Stars has lowered their standards having Sean Spicer on. Howard said he doesn't think that he should be on the show. He said they seem to be trying to rehabilitate him. Howard said he owes the public an explanation for what he did. Howard said he is looking forward to seeing Christie Brinkley on the show. Bobo asked if they built that green screen yet for the puppets. Howard said not yet. He said they have more puppets coming in. He said Fred's are there and the ones Shuli uses are outside the studio.
Howard had Fred pick up the Benjy puppet. Fred worked it and Howard said he wasn't sure who he was at first. Fred did his Benjy puppet voice for a short time. Howard said he's got another one but he's not sure who it is. Fred said that's Richard. Howard said that's actually pretty good. Fred said they had a diaper on it but he had to take it off so he can get his hand in the back. Fred worked that puppet for a few. Howard said that's a little preview for Robin.
Robin read a story about President Trump being very upset with his former personal assistant. Robin said she claims that she had a better relationship with Trump than he does with his own kids. Robin said that she got fired after some of those things came out. Howard said the assistant claimed that Trump didn't like being photographed with Tiffany because she's fat. Howard said that's the last thing you want to hear about your dad. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Kevin Hart being in an accident over the weekend. Robin said someone else was driving and crashed the car. Robin said Kevin had to have some surgery for severe back injuries. Robin said his wife was saying that he'll be just fine. Robin said they say he will make a full recovery. Robin said they had to saw off the roof to get him out. Howard said he has a new show idea called Comedians In Cars Getting Back Surgery.
Howard took a call from Apples who said that his wife just revealed to him that she's a lesbian. Howard asked if he has that effect on every woman or just his wife. Apples said no, just this. Howard said that can be humiliating to guys. He said guys can make fun of you over that. Howard asked if she's leaving him. Apples said that she is but he can't be mad at her over that. Robin asked how long they were together. Apples said about 5 years. Howard asked if she didn't know this 5 years ago. Apples said that she was bi back then but now she's lesbian. He said they weren't having sex as much as they liked. He said she would take care of him. He said it was kind of lazy. Apples said it was like bargaining for sex. He said you don't want to be there all day but once in a while you want some theatrics.
Apples said he doesn't think she was cheating on him. Robin asked if he's saying that you shouldn't marry someone who is bi. Apples said he might say that. He said that you think it's something interesting. He said he thought maybe it was like a Brent kind of deal. Apples asked if he can play a dating game or something. Howard said sure, everyone is looking for you. He hung up on him. Howard said life is very complex. Robin said now Apples is free and maybe he'll find someone who wants him to give it to her. Howard said he was bored with that conversation and that guy was with his wife for 5 years.
Howard said if Beth was leaving him for a woman he would be upset. He said if she left him for a dude it would be worse. Howard said a man would be worse. He said it's all a nightmare.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that it's worse if it's a man. He said that means you weren't enough. He said men should take care of themselves. He said the thing he wanted to ask about was Kelly Clarkson. He said he hates the commercials for her new show. Howard said he hasn't seen them. He said he doesn't have to watch commercials anymore. He said he just skips them all with his TiVo. Robin said she watches on Hulu and doesn't see any. King told Howard that he thinks her show will fail. He said he doesn't like her. He said she thinks she's like Oprah but she'll never be like her. King said they're building up her show making it sound like she's too good. He said that's just not what it is. Howard let King go after that.
Robin read a story about football player Ryan Russell coming out as bi-sexual and no one even talked about it. Robin said that Ryan kept himself closeted and he just came out saying he's bi-sexual. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Kristen Stewart saying that she was warned that her sexuality might be holding her back because she's dating girls. Robin had some details about that. Robin said she didn't hide it back then and she still embraces it. Howard said he likes seeing her holding her girlfriend's hand. He said he sees that on DailyMail. He said he likes that stuff. He said they have millions of pictures of her and her girlfriend. Robin said she's intrigued by her too.
Robin read a story about Tiger Woods going out for knee surgery. Robin said she feels for him being so injury prone. Robin said he did win one major this year so hopefully that won't slow him down.
Robin read some tennis news. Howard asked if she has anything else on Kristen Stewart and her girlfriend.
Robin read a story about how some people were holding a gun to a Popeyes chicken employee when they ran out of chicken. Howard said they did that because they ran out. He said they're not holding back the food. He said he has never had that chicken before. He said he'd like to try the faux chicken from KFC. He said he heard those substitutes are good. He said he buys some of those.
Robin read a story about Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes breaking up but they never admitted they were dating. Robin said they would go out and never admitted they were in a relationship. Howard said the best thing about dating a chick is showing off. He said they removed the fun out of that relationship. He said he's not sure why anyone cares. He said he was looking at pictures of Katie holding her daughter's hand and hailing a cab. He said he saw her bra strap showing and he liked seeing that. He said he thinks she's out on the prowl after the break up. He said he heard that Tom Cruise has never met this daughter that Katie was out with. He said he thinks he sees that kid. Robin said he must have visitation. Howard said he thinks Tom would visit his kid. He said he just knows. Robin said he's not who Howard thinks he is. Howard asked if Fred thinks he sees the kid. Fred said he thinks he has seen pictures of him with her.
Robin read a story about a boat fire that happened over the weekend. Robin said 25 deaths are confirmed so far. Robins said very few people got out of this boat. Robin said they only had 5 survivors and they were the crew of the boat that burned.
Robin said there were some shootings while they were away. Robin said it was Texas, Montana or some M state. Robin said there's an author who says non lethal weapons could cut back on the deaths. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about how they could invent a phaser like in Star Trek to take someone down without killing them. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show by taking a call from a guy who said the app is so good. He said it's his favorite thing to do when he gets home from work. He asked if he wants to stay on longer at Sirius because of that. Howard said he's having a hard time deciding on that. He said he talked to a friend about it and he told him that he has to come up with that decision himself. The caller said he has to stay on. He said there are two days. He said there are days when Howard is on and days when you have to listen to a rerun.
Howard said his wife thinks he should stay on the air. He said he was just talking to the guys there about maybe starting at 8 and ending at 11. He said maybe that would be more fun. He said then they can sleep in a little bit. Robin asked why not do it from 7 to 10. Howard said he has to sleep. He said he got up to pee in the middle of the night. He said he has to pee more often because of his enlarged prostate.
Howard said he went to bed at 8:30 and got up at 10. He said he was sleeping and got up around 4. He said he wondered if he should get up or go to sleep. He said he slept more and then got up.
The caller asked if he really has to pee. Howard said he had a boner so he had to pee. The caller asked how he pees without getting it all over the place. Howard said he got a urinal. He said he doesn't pee all over. He said that's one thing about making it. He said every guy he knows is jealous of his urinal. He said he sees why they put urinal cakes in. He said you have to keep it clean. He said it's so awesome. He said he loves it so much. He said his urinal made his life's work worth it.
Howard said the guy who signed him there, Leon Black, had him up to his place and he was surrounded by art. He said he works so he can collect art. He said the guy is philanthropic that way. Howard said he works to get a urinal. He said he told Leon that and he hasn't heard from him since.
The caller asked if he would rather have a urinal or a Toto toilet. Howard said he loves that Toto. He said he squirts that stream of water into his asshole. He said he spreads his cheeks and then turns the water on. He said he has learned to relax his sphincter so he can get water in there. He said then he can burp it out. He said he can burp out doody. Robin said she's not sure what he's hitting. Howard said it's a sweet spot. He said he can swallow it and spit it out with his ass. He said once there's enough water in there it burps.
Howard said after all of that he can dab the water off. He said then he washes his hands for the entire alphabet. He said he sings the ABCs to time how long he washes.
The caller asked if he should get a Toto or a Urinal. Howard said the Toto. He said the urinal is great because you can spray all over. He said he had to sit down on the toilet to pee. The caller said when he has a boner he pees and it goes off in two streams. Howard said with the urinal it catches it all. He said even if you have a boner it gets it all.
Howard said one of his urinals has water that bubbles so high that it goes on the floor. He said he has to get that fixed. Robin said it must smell from the sides of the urinal not getting washed. Howard said it's not that. He said there's always water in a toilet. He said the urinal is dry until you flush. Robin said it's not getting washed out.
Howard said he has become a master of the Toto. He said he talks during it. He tells the toilet it got all of the remnants out. He said he has a good time with that thing. He said the Japanese know where it's at when it comes to toilets.
Howard said he and his wife keep their bathrooms separate. He said he's never seen his wife doody. He said she claims she barely ever goes. The caller said good for her. Howard said he used to dread every dump. He said not anymore. He said he doesn't use baby wipes anymore. Howard said he's sitting here totally clean for Orlando Bloom. Howard let the caller go after that.
Howard said he is thinking of getting some cakes for his urinal. He said he might talk to Robin about that off the air. He said some things should remain private.
Howard took a call from his Toto toilet which was one of the guys in the back doing a Japanese accent talking about how much it loves taking his waste when he comes home.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Texas. Howard said he was banned from Texas. He said he can't go there or he'll be arrested. He said he would like to get that cleared up.
Howard said since they're talking about guns he's going to go into his masculine voice. He put an effect on his voice so it was real deep.
Howard asked the caller what kind of guns he has. The caller, Jared, said he has guns for hunting. He had some 44 Magnums and others. Howard asked if he has a Glock 19. Jared said he doesn't because they're made of plastic. Howard said he's a real man because he has a Glock 19. He said this guy must be effeminate. Jared said he must not be a real man. Jared said he did have a Glock 17. Howard said he's such a pussy that he doesn't have a Glock. Jared said he has a Mossberg shotgun. Howard said he must have some money. Jared said that was $300.
Howard asked how old his son is. Jared said he's 12. Howard said he had a Glock 42 when he was 9. Robin asked who bought him a gun at 9. Howard said his dad. He said they had a shooting range in his back yard. Jared asked if his dad called him a moron. Howard said this is Masculine Howard and not Howard Stern. He said that he thought he was talking to a real man. He said this guy is a pussy.
Jared let Howard know that he was a marine. Howard asked how many kills he has. Jared said that's not a discussion. Robin asked what his job was. Jared said he operated amphibious vehicles. Howard said he has to let him go because he's making him look less masculine. He asked how many enemies he killed. Howard asked how many guys he killed rounded up. Jared said he had 45 million hundred. He said he single handedly ended the war.
Howard said because of his service he's worthy of Robin's vagina. Jared thanked him for that. He said that's a huge honor. Howard said don't count your inactive service years. Robin said he could have been called up.
Jared said he doesn't have a Glock 19 but his father does. Howard said he's a good guy. He said he'll pub non masculine Howard back on. Howard got back on and asked how that conversation went. Robin said it was pretty amazing. Howard said he was out changing his tampon.
Howard said he has to go. He let Jared go and thanked him for the call and for his service. Robin said he drove an amphibious vehicle. Howard said that shut him up.
Robin said she saw it in her mailbox. She said she was trying to think about her schedule and she had an incident occur. Gary said Ronnie is calling bullshit on this. Ronnie came in and said it was sent out on August 17th. Robin said she got sick. She said she didn't check her email. She said Ronnie sent it on the wrong email too.
Howard said he doesn't want to bust Robin on this but she did tell him that she felt great over vacation. Robin said it wasn't the time of his party. Ronnie said she was invited on the 17th. Robin said if she had said she could make it she still wouldn't have made it. Howard said Robin has a thing about not responding.
Howard said listen to this party. He said that it went until 2 in the morning. Ronnie said it was until like 12:30. Howard said he feels bad for his neighbors. He said this guy is blasting karaoke with a DJ in his back yard. Ronnie said the DJ got shut down at 11:30. He said the neighbors were all there. Howard asked about the people behind him. Ronnie said he told them about it. He said he told them it was going to be noisy.
Howard said grow up already. He said he's going to be 70 fucking years old. Ronnie asked what's wrong with having a party. Howard said listen to him singing on Karaoke. He played a clip of Ronnie yelling into the microphone.
Howard said Ronnie started singing It's Raining Men and he changed it to It's Raining Tits. Howard played a clip. Howard asked where the kids were. Ronnie said the kids were out front playing. He said they're 12 years old so they know the words.
Howard said he heard Benjy was invited. He said he showed up at 10pm to a 2pm party start time. He said that's late. He said Benjy told people different reasons for showing up late. He said the Uber rates were one excuse. Ronnie said that he heard he took a group Uber too. He said he had stops on the way.
Howard said the other excuse was that he was sick with headaches. Ronnie said he looked fine to him. Gary said the other reason was that he wanted to make sure that the single girls were drunk. Ronnie said they were all gone by the time he showed up. Howard said good thinking.
Howard said Benjy showed up and it was his birthday. He said people think he's 52 or 53 years old. He won't admit to how old he really is. Benjy Puppet came to life and said a few things to Howard. Howard had Benjy in the studio too. Benjy came in wearing the same cap as the puppet.
Howard asked what Benjy's story is with showing up so late. Benjy said he had headaches that day. He said when he goes somewhere he has a million things he has to get done. Howard asked what he had to get done. Benjy said everything he hasn't done he has to get done. Howard said he's not sure which one is the puppet and which one is Benjy. Benjy said he had to clean his apartment and do things like that. He said he felt he had to do them before he left.
Howard asked how hard it is to have people there all day and night. Ronnie said people were coming and going all day. He said it was fun. Howard said if you're that into it then you have nothing to do. Ronnie said it's a lot of work.
Howard said Benjy had 2 weeks off to do stuff and he waited until the last minute to do them. He said this was at the end of their vacation. He said Benjy is whacked out of his skull. He said he had nothing to do but he started doing it at the last minute. Benjy said he has to tie up loose ends.
Howard said Benjy is so wacky that he doesn't have an apartment of his own. He said he's 52 years old. Benjy said he doesn't want to get into that. Howard said even that's weird. Howard asked why he lies about his age. Benjy said he's not lying about his age. He said a man can do it too. Howard said he's a man though.
Howard said his dating profile says he's 47. Benjy said it says 48. Howard asked if that's his age. Benjy said he is 48. Howard asked if he swears to god he's 48. Benjy said yes. Howard said then he is. Robin asked if there's a big difference between those ages.
Howard asked Benjy to swear on his parents life that he's 48. Benjy said he does not swear on his parents lives. Gary asked what year he was born. Benjy said 1971. Howard said alright then. He said he's 48.
Robin asked why he was late. Benjy said it was until 2am. He said he still had a few hours there.
Howard said he knows that Brent brought his wife and there was something weird going on. He said Brent's wife wanted to show Benjy her vagina. Howard said she just got a tit job. He said she was flashing everyone her tits when Ronnie was singing ''It's Raining Tits.'' Howard asked if Ronnie knew that. Ronnie said he did.
Howard said every time women from this place got up to sing Ronnie was yelling at them to show their tits. Howard asked if he knows that's not appropriate. Ronnie said they were having fun. Howard said that's not right. Benjy asked if he doesn't know that could cause problems. Ronnie said they were just joking around.
Howard said Brent's wife was up there showing her tits. He said Ronnie liked that. Ronnie said she's a fun girl. Robin said you wonder why she didn't RSVP.
Howard said Brent has this thing with Benjy. He said Brent didn't want him to touch Katelyn's tits when they were planning on doing that. Brent came in and said that he's going to turn it into a bit. Benjy said it was Memet who was barred from doing it.
Howard said Brent's wife went up to Brent and told him that she was going to show her vagina to Benjy. Brent said she was in the bathroom and she opened the door and said she didn't care if Benjy could see her vagina. Brent said that she stood up and showed it to Benjy. Benjy said it was a nice vagina. Howard asked if she wore a bra to the party. Brent said no. He said she was showing them off to everyone.
Benjy said Brent told Katelyn not to show him her vagina. He said that Brent was saying that it was against the rules but she did it anyway. Brent said she doesn't listen to him. Benjy said she didn't just whip it off. He said she kind of stares him down and she slowly pulls down her denim. He said he felt it was a real argument between them. Brent said it wasn't.
Ronnie said later on in the night it looked like he was told to get the fuck away from her. Howard said he heard a story. He said Brent and Katelyn are swingers and there was a friend there that Ronnie had over. He said he heard that Brent had to break down the door to stop Katelyn and this guy from doing something. Brent said that they were going to take an Uber back to Jersey City with Ralph. He said that Ralph was great at the party. He said Katelyn went to the bathroom and he went to go pee. He said this guy followed her into the bathroom and then put his weight against the door. He said that he asked what was going on in there. Brent said that he was in there with Katelyn holding the door closed. He said she was standing back in the bathroom because this guy was creeping her out all night.
Howard said he heard that she was trying to get with the guy and drop Brent. Brent said that's not the story. He said the guy was creeping her out all night. He said she was legitimately freaked out by this. He said she was telling him to get away from her and he wasn't moving.
Howard said he heard that same guy hit on Memet's girlfriend. He asked who this guy is. Ronnie said he's a friend of his. Howard said he sounds like a guy who would be a friend of Ronnie's. He said he's very sexed up. Ronnie said he's a young guy. He said he's young and pervy.
Howard said he heard Memet went to Stephanie about this guy. Ronnie said this guy was dancing and singing with her. He said he wasn't the cop there. He said he was throwing a party. He said he can't control 75 people. Brent said it was a great party.
Memet came in and said that he wants to set the record straight on this guy. He said he doesn't mind flirting but this guy was doing really weird shit. He said he sat down behind his girlfriend and took ass shots of her. He said he was wondering what to do in that situation. He said then his girlfriend says that he was spraying champagne on her ass. Memet said he had a great time at the party. He said some of the girls were calling this guy ''the rapist.'' He said that's how bad he was. He said if you see a guy taking pictures of someone's ass it creeps you out. He said he went to Stephanie and she just said ''Oh that's just so and so...'' Howard said he went to the police and they turned their back on him. Memet said everyone was cool other than this one guy.
Howard asked if he left the party after that. Memet said he made sure to stay between this guy and his girlfriend. He said he wasn't looking to get into an argument. He said he didn't want to ruin the party.
Howard said Memet and his girlfriend were into Karaoke. He said he used to be the guy who moped in the corner. He played some audio of Memet rapping in a Karaoke song. Howard said he heard they go to Karaoke bars and stuff. He said he's becoming Mr. Karaoke. Memet said it was a fun party. Benjy said his girlfriend is so into Memet. He said she wants to have babies with him. Howard said he heard they're moving in. Brent said this girl is cool. He said she's a keeper. Memet said they say that you shouldn't move in together. Howard said you should move in before marrying her.
Howard said Gary said he got to see Ronnie's Pace Car. He said it was kind of freaky seeing it. Howard said Stephanie must have Stockholm syndrome. He said she doesn't do anything about the creepy guy. Ronnie said she was wasted so what's she going to do. He said he should have come to him. Memet said he thought Stephanie would do something since she's a woman.
Memet said that the guy was sober but forcing shots down these girl's throats. Ronnie said that guy wasn't sober. Howard said he heard about another guy who showed up in his Ferrari. Ronnie said he drove up and it's worth a lot of money. He said he had him put it in the driveway and he had a case of Dom Perignon in there. He said he brought it out and gave it to everyone. He said they were all walking around with the bottles drinking out of it. He said then they ran out. He said next thing he knows Chris is gone in his car. He came back with another case. Howard said he's a nice guy.
Memet said that Ronnie has some charm with his creepiness. He said this other guy didn't. Ronnie said he went out with that guy and they got thrown out because of him. He said the guy is nuts. Memet said the guy is going to get arrested if he keeps taking pictures like that. He said that happens you know.
Ronnie said he would have said something to the guy if Memet had told him what was going on. Memet said you can't just punch the guy out. He said it's complicated when you're at a party like that. Howard asked if the party was a success. Brent said it was fantastic.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he didn't go to this party. Howard said he wasn't invited. Ronnie said he has been told not to invite him to anything. Howard said he can act like a victim there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Brent and Memet are pussies for not standing up for their wives. Brent said that it was the end of the party and he didn't want to get into it.
Howard had Stephanie on the phone to talk about the party. She said that Memet got a taste of his own medicine at the party. Memet asked if he has ever been creepy to her. Stephanie said no but he has with other girls. Memet asked how that punishes him. Stephanie said you don't know what she said to him. Memet said the guy didn't stop. Stephanie said she can't stop him. Memet said she could have told him to get the fuck out of her house.
Memet said that if someone did that at his party he would kick the person out of the party. He said the person would be gone. Stephanie asked why she'd have to throw him out. Memet said it was a crime. Brent said he was there and he knows. He said that it's a little bit of victim blaming to say that Katelyn invited him in. He said she would have told him if she did. He said he heard her saying no to him. Memet said that his girlfriend Mary wasn't asking to have shots of her ass taken either.
Robin said she has to ask the host and hostess if someone comes to you with a problem about a guest you say something but if they keep on then that's it? Stephanie said that she can say something to him but she didn't see him doing anything wrong. She said that he did hit on her friend in front of her and she told him to stop and he stopped.
Howard said it sounds like Stephanie had a good time. Memet said that he had to stay by her side the whole party. He said this guy was at the party alone. He said he's guessing that he's single. He said he hopes he's listening to the show. He said people are creeped out by him. Ronnie and Stephanie said that Memet went through a phase like that. Memet said that doesn't mean Mary has to suffer. Ronnie said that Memet went through a creepy phase. He said that he's never going to have another party again. He said it won't happen ever again.
Ronnie said they get on the air and it's a different deal. Memet said that he said he had a good time. Ronnie said he told Stephanie not to do these fucking parties. He said he told her 100 times not to do it. He said she wanted it. Ronnie told her to hang up and go to work. He said this fucking place turns things into shit all the time. Ronnie walked out and said he has a guest to get to. Howard said get back in there.
Memet said that he wants Jason to come in. He said he told him he didn't need to bring this up. He said he had a good time there. Memet asked what he did wrong. Howard talked to Ronnie Puppet for a minute about what he's going to let Stephanie do to him tonight.
Howard said here was a lot of bad stuff going on at the party. He said Brent was crashing through the bathroom door at the end of the night. Memet said he had a great fucking time there and he loves Ronnie. Howard asked if Stephanie will have to deal with this tonight. Stephanie said she might.
Jason came in and said that Memet did say he had a great time. He said Ronnie walked out of there and he screamed at the top of his lungs that he's never having another party ever again. Stephanie said they will have another party. Memet said he's not sure where it all went wrong. He said they had a nice time but it was just that one guy.
Gary said they told Ronnie that they had Orlando Bloom covered but he walked out anyway. Robin said he had to get out of there. Howard said he just blew up out of nowhere. Ronnie Puppet was yelling at Orlando Bloom to get on the fucking elevator. Memet said he feels bad about this. Brent said he didn't do anything wrong. Memet said that he didn't want to talk about this. Howard said he'll convince Ronnie that it was his fault.
Howard said he has Hulk on the phone and he wants to defend Ronnie. Howard took the call and Hulk said there were only a few Rapey assholes there. Howard said the guy wasn't Rapey. He said he was just creepy. Stephanie said he was hitting on the girls because he was drunk.
Howard said Ronnie says it was a great party and Memet should have gone to him. Howard said Stephanie probably won't get that treat known as Ronnie's cock tonight. Stephanie said he gave it to her the night after the party. She said he was great. Howard thanked her for the call and said that he thinks she's going to have Angry Ronnie tonight. Memet said he didn't want to bring that guy up. Brent said he's glad he did because it fit in with the story with Katelyn.
Brent said Michael is the biggest fucking pussy on the planet. He said when he's on the air and gets his ass whopped he calls Sal. He said he's the guy who talks shit and then runs away when the bell rings in school.
Howard said Michael wrote a song about Brent. He said he's focused on him like you wouldn't believe. Howard played the song that Rapaport did about Brent. It was all about how gross and ugly Brent is. Howard said he put a lot of time into that. Brent said he has to do that. He said when he's face to face he loses all the time. He said the rapping was awful too.
Howard said the guys took that clip of Brent talking about smelling his wife's sweaty beav and called that Donna Corleone show. He said Brent got into a big fight with her. Howard played the call where they called into this show and had Brent asking to smell Donna's sweaty beav. They had Brent laughing and asking to smell her. They had Brent arguing with another caller. Then they had Brent asking to smell Donna again. She hung up on him eventually.
Howard asked how great that was. He took a call from a woman who said she just died laughing at Ronnie. She said he can't retire. She said no one there can retire. Howard said that was weird that Ronnie turned on a dime like that. He said someone hit a button and he changed. He said he went off on Stephanie and stormed out. He said that was nuclear Ronnie. He said he wants to hear the Ronnie puppet do that. Fred did his impression of Ronnie freaking out. Howard said that was Meltdown Mund.
Howard asked Robin what happened there. Robin said she missed it. She said she didn't see what set him off. She said she didn't see the moment when he went nuclear. Gary said he'll be back up in about 3 or 4 minutes. Howard said he should take a break. He said they can do a replay on that. He went to break after that.
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Howard said he has some news. He said that they had a band called Bones UK. He said there are three women in the band and they rock. He said they did a live performance up there in their studio. He said they covered ''I'm Afraid of American's'' and their own song ''Girls Can't Play Guitar.'' He said he has to say that he watched the performances up on the app. He said they're very good to look at. He said they put on a great live performance. He said go look at this. He played a little bit of what they did with the Bowie song. He said it was a great performance.
Howard asked if that's true that the drummer is a man. He said he's embarrassed. He said he couldn't tell. He asked if Gary knew that. Gary said it is a man. He said he thought it was a woman too. Howard said they were terrific so go check them out on the app.
Howard played more of their performance of ''I'm Afraid of Americans.'' Howard said he would go see them in a concert in a flash. He said they were great. He said he might have to share an Uber with Benjy to get there.
Howard played some of their song ''Girls Can't Play Guitar'' and said you should check that out. He said they're constantly putting up new stuff on the app. He said they get some good feedback about that.
Howard said Ronnie is too old to have that much energy. He said he doesn't have that much. Robin said that was his best performance ever. Fred did his Ronnie Puppet thing recreating that meltdown.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie has no right to be angry about anything in his life. He said he has no right to yell at Stephanie either. He said he has a great gig with Howard and a beautiful wife half his age. Howard said Ronnie is going to come back in now.
Ronnie came in and said that he's fine. Howard laughed. Robin said he didn't sound fine. Howard said that was his best performance. Ronnie said it was not. Robin said this was off the wall.
Howard asked who he's angry with. Ronnie said he didn't want to do this party and now he knows he shouldn't have done it. Robin asked where it went wrong. Ronnie said everything was making the party sound worse and worse. He said if the girls were so insulted by him telling the girls to take their tops off then why didn't they leave? Gary said the girls never said they were insulted. Howard said he was the one saying that it was inappropriate. Gary said they're not insulted or upset. Ronnie said that Memet should have said something to him or left. He said he put a lot into that party to have a good time. He said everyone tells him they had a great time the next day but then they pick it apart when they get there.
Howard asked what he spent on the party. Ronnie said it was about $2,500. He said he wasn't miserable that day but he is now. He said it will never happen again. Howard said Stephanie said it will happen again next year. Ronnie said maybe with her next husband.
The caller said that he flew off the handle in 2 seconds. He asked why he's got so much angry that he's waiting to unleash. Ronnie said the answer is that when people tell you they had a great time and then they get on the air and say the party sucked. He said it comes out in different ways. Robin said he's misinterpreting. Howard said no one said the party sucked. Ronnie said they didn't have to say that. He said Brent had a great time but... and Memet had a great time but...
Howard said there are always incidents at the Christmas party. He said he doesn't freak out. He said he really has to get to Orlando Bloom. Ronnie said he's a nice guy. Howard said he would have fun at that party.
Ronnie said he didn't want to have this party because it turns into this shit. He said Robin didn't even RSVP. He said she was too busy. Robin asked why he cares what they think. Howard said Ronnie is so angry. He said he has to talk to Orlando Bloom. He said he has nothing to be angry about. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said Orlando Bloom is a big deal actor. He said he hit it big with Lord of the Rings. He had Orlando come in. He said he hasn't seen him since that party. He said they bonded there. Orlando said they got in deep there.
Howard asked if it's inappropriate to sing ''It's Raining Tits'' at a party with women you work with. Orlando laughed. He said it's a generational thing. He said maybe if you don't get it you shouldn't be at that party.
Orlando said he's excited about Carnival Row. He asked if Howard has watched it. Howard said he has. He said he was on the 3rd episode and then his Apple TV crapped out. He said he's back into it now. Orlando said it wasn't an easy shoot. He said they got through it though.
Howard asked when he broke his back the first time. Orlando said he did it at 20 in London. He said he was in drama school at the time. He said he had some girlfriends who had moved in with him. He said they were girls and they were friends. Howard said he imagines that's the life he's having with multiple girls.
Orlando said they were in this apartment and they needed to get to a roof terrace. He said he could have gone out the window and jumped. He said he grabbed this piece of metal to shimmy across instead. Howard said he's a real man. He said he'd never think about doing that. He said he's fearless. Orlando said he landed on a balcony when he fell. He said they had these spikes on the railing. He said he landed between that rail and the washing machine on his back.
Howard asked Orlando if they told him he'd never walk again. Orlando said that for the first 4 days they said they didn't know. He said there's a lot of not knowing. He said he didn't want to live that life. He said his mom was going to buy him a puppy. He said he asked what he was going to do with that puppy in a wheelchair. Howard said he somehow willed himself out of it. Orlando said that he was millimeters away from severing his spinal cord.
Howard said then he got Lord of the Rings. Orlando said he was 20. He said he did his whole third year of drama school in a back brace. He said he had a teacher in school who said that this was the making of him. He said he was the kid who was easily distractible. He said he had to learn to stand and be still.
Howard said there were guys who dropped out of school because they got broadcast jobs. He said that kids must have been pissed that he got Lord of the Rings. Orlando said if they were they didn't show it. He said he auditioned for the movie and he got a call back from a casting agent. He said this one woman told him that she thinks he could do anything. He said Peter Jackson and his wife brought him back for another audition for this character.
Howard asked Orlando where he grew up. Orlando said he moved to London at 16. Howard asked where you get the bravery to do that. Orlando said he just knew what he wanted. He said he had a friend in university who was 4 years older than him. He said he had dyslexia and he had to learn to deal with that. Howard asked if he was considered one of the dumb kids in class. Orlando said he was. He said his teacher called him Thicky Bloom. He said he did an IQ test and he tested high. He said he struggled with the writing aspect of the whole thing.
Orlando said he overcame all of that in drama school. He said you have to read poetry and you connect with that. He said your imagination explodes when you do that. He said he was seeing these images and he was able to sit and read in a circle. Howard said acting saved his life in a sense. He said he connected with reading and that helped him get over his dyslexia.
Orlando said he watched a lot of things growing up and he loved The Fall Guy. He said he wanted to be a stunt man. He said then he realized he could be anyone he wanted if he was acting.
Howard asked how he does an American accent. Orlando said you work with a coach. He said it's a great way in. Howard asked what an American sounds like. Orlando said it's like Howard. He said Americans talk kind of wide and light. He said the British are up and down. He said he knew Cate Winsnett's sister and Cate would flip in and out of accents. Howard said he talks to himself in the bathroom and goes into characters. He said maybe he should be have been an actor.
Howard asked Orlando about going to school at 16 and if that's college age. Orlando said 12th grade is before college. He said you're 16-18. He said then he went to drama school.
Howard asked what impact it has on your life when you find out your father isn't your biological father. Orlando said it's interesting. He said it was unusual. He said his mother's husband was an activist lawyer and a professor. He said he had this idea of his dad being this great man. He said he had created the idea of this man in his life. Orlando said that the man who died when he was 4 he can't get a real story about. He said that his mom went to another man to get pregnant. He said this guy may not have known but he's not sure.
Orlando said they never thought it would be an issue. He said he did press for Lord of the Rings and he just told the truth. He said he was just going to do that and that would be it. Howard said they would bring up the story and then he'd just explain that the man who died wasn't his biological father. Orlando said that one of his cousins was in North London and he'd get invited out to dinner all the time. He said he stuck with the Bloom name. Howard said that's a Jewish name. He said he didn't realize that. Howard asked if he's a practicing Jew. Orlando said he's a practicing Buddhist. He said he grew up very spiritual.
Howard asked how he got into that. Orlando said he was introduced to it in London. He said it's like a cause and effect kind of thing. He said it worked for him. Howard asked if he was upset with his mom about the lies. Orlando said he's had a lot of therapy over it. He said his mother put him into it when he was 4. He said he has no regrets. He said there are things about his mom. He said she was in a boarding school at 4 years old. He said she lived there at 4 years old. Howard asked why people have kids to put them in boarding school. He said they must feel abandoned. Orlando said his mom raised two kids and they had a solid upbringing.
Howard asked if his mom wanted him to give her some parenting. Orlando said there is an element of over sharing. He said she would over share. He said that's a danger for kids. He said she'd share about relationships or whatever it would be. He said she's part of why he does what he does. Howard asked why he does that. Orlando said he had an active imagination and he can go into those places. He said he felt seen when he was acting as a child.
Howard asked if his biological father is with his mother now. Orlando said he isn't but he's a wonderful man. He said he comes to visit. He said he's sure he wishes he could have been there for him. He said he always Facetimes his son now and he stays in touch. He said there's a lot of guilt there. He said he constantly wonders if he is wondering why he's not around.
Howard asked about Carnival Row and how much time he had to spend away from his son. Orlando said he was in a couple of big franchises and you wonder if they're going to go away. He said that you need something like Transcendental Meditation or Buddhism to bring you back down.
Howard said as an actor you can't predict how a movie is going to be. Orlando said at 20 he had no idea. Howard said he turned down a movie after Lord of the Rings. Orlando said it was Pirates. He said he wasn't going to do that. Howard asked who told him to do it. Orlando said it was Jeffrey Rush. He said he was working with Heath Ledger on a movie. Howard said he was a great actor. Orlando said they were playing rough and tough guys and he got the call to do the Pirate movie. He said Jeffrey Rush told him he should take it seriously. Orlando said then Johnny Depp signed into it. He said he was the coolest guy on the planet and he wanted to be in his presence.
Howard asked when he sees a guy like that what do you do. Orlando said he was very charming on set. He said he has posters of Rambo and Arnold on his walls but Johnny was the real everything. He said they did 3 huge movies together. Howard asked if they became close. Orlando said they don't go out for dinner but they do see each other and know what they went through. Howard asked if he's not his kind of guy. Orlando said he's everyone's kind of guy. He said life is life. He said he struggles to have time with his son and his girl.
Howard said it seems like his life is so busy he doesn't have time for a relationship. Orlando said that was a big part of their life. He said that they had to figure it all out.
Orlando said when you have a child you realize you're not the most important person in the room. He said it reframes everything. He said having a child changed all of that and she had to kind of work on getting into a head space to be in a partnership. Howard said he's talking about Katy. He said she has a great relationship with his son. He said they went on summer vacation and the family all got together. He said that can be a recipe for disaster. He said Katy was just with the kids and she loves that. She said she loves kids. Howard asked if that was the vacation with the penis paddle thing. Orlando said that was years ago. He said that's just human nature. He said he had no idea there were Paparazzi out there. Howard said if he had a penis like him he'd pull it out all the time. Orlando said this is the only part that will get picked up in the news. He said the click bait is crazy.
Howard asked if he was upset that the pictures were out there. Orlando said he was surprised. He said he didn't know that he was out there. He said he got a call from the publicist. He said that wasn't the worst of it. He said they had the block over it and then there are jokes about how big the block has to be. He said then someone uncovers the black box.
Orlando asked to get off this subject. He brought up Carnival Row. Howard said it's a good show. Orlando said he shows his butt in that one. Howard said he does. Howard said if he had a big penis like him he'd be out paddle boarding with anyone he dated and showing it off. He said good for you having that equipment. Orlando said he doesn't think about that. He thanked Howard for that though. Robin said more importantly he's a nice guy. Orlando thanked her for that.
Howard said congratulations on his upcoming nuptials. He said that he heard they're going to marry at Disneyland. Orlando said Katy would love that but no. Howard said he's having a great time in his life so god bless you.
Howard asked how many years he shot Lord of the Rings. Orlando said it was 18 months and then some re-shoots for a few months. Howard said they had some actors in there who weren't light weights.
Howard asked Orlando about going into a job and if he gets pissed when people aren't prepared since he's so prepared. Orlando said that it doesn't make anyone feel better making them feel worse. He said if someone is struggling with their lines they have to get it done or you'll be there until it's done. He said being negative doesn't behoove anyone.
Howard asked if he was living like a priest the two years he was shooting Lord of the Rings. Orlando said he was 16 years old in London and then went to New Zealand. He said that it was such a magical time. He said he bonded with the other actors. Howard said they all got tattoos together. Howard asked if he stays in touch with all of them. Orlando said yes. Howard said he doesn't stay in touch with Johnny though. Orlando said that's not true. He said he saw him in London. He said he was at Abbey Road with Paul McCartney and Stella. He said he has known her for a very long time.
Howard said it must be great to be able to get a girl by winking at her like he did with Katy Perry. Howard said he should have been able to get Stella. Orlando said she was dating his friend so he would never do that.
Howard asked if he has ever been turned own by a woman. Orlando said he has. He said he'll test the waters first. He said if he doesn't get anything back he won't bother. He said that he's looking for something like heart. Howard asked if he thinks about not marrying again after a failed marriage. Orlando said not really. He said that his ex is like part of the family. Orlando said his son has all of these famous people in his life and he thinks about how they have to get him into therapy right now.
Howard asked if he would want his son to get into the business. Orlando said he wants him to have a good education and a good fall back plan. He said who knows what he'll be doing in 10 years.
Howard asked if he turned down Batman. Orlando said he met with Christopher Nolan on that role. He said he didn't really turn it down. He said Christopher had another script and he wanted to do that instead. He said the idea of playing Batman wasn't something he was looking to do at the time. He said he had just done Lord of the Rings. He said he needed to just go do theater. Howard said he thinks he would have been great as Batman. Orlando said he thought Christian Bale was great. Howard said he was. Orlando said it doesn't get much better than working with Chris Nolan. He said he has no regret though.
Howard said it was something to go from doing Lord of the Rings to Pirates of the Caribbean. Orlando said he was out doing movies or promotion. He said he was doing one or the other.
Howard asked if Johnny was upset that he skipped one of the Pirates movies. Orlando said it wasn't his decision. He said they were trying something else with the franchise. Howard asked if life is too insane when you have that many hit movies. He said you get the credit for it. He said that he can't imagine what movies he was offered. Orlando said he was very young at the time. Howard asked if he was going crazy dating and all of that. Orlando said he was in a relationship. Howard asked if he tried drugs. Orlando said he tried pot but he doesn't want to talk about what he tried other than that.
Howard asked how you don't go crazy after becoming so famous. Orlando said he had people in his life who were helping to keep him grounded. He said he had that Buddhist thing going on too. He said he had these great people in his life. He said he hasn't been in this thing where there has been an issue. He said Katy is in another stratosphere.
Orlando said when he made Pirates 2 and 3 he got some big paychecks. He said for Lord of the Rings he got $170,000 total. He said that was it. He said they put him on the map though. He said they gave him a little bump when they came out. Howard said the sequels are the big paydays. Orlando said he was able to buy a couple of houses. He said that's the good part.
Howard said he's thinking about how they figure out who is going to pay the bills when they get married. Orlando said he's going to hand that over to his business manager. He said he loved getting a per diem on the set of a movie. He said he had a house and a car. He said he had a Nissan Skyline over there in New Zealand. He said that this was an older car and he wanted that. Howard said that's amazing you go from being a kid to having all of that.
Howard said when you're on a movie set it's almost too unreal. He said he had one experience doing that and he didn't want to leave. He said he was addicted to it. He said he had French catering service. Howard said he should check out Private Parts. Orlando said he wants to see it.
Howard said Orlando is in Carnival Row and they've already renewed for a second season. He said he's able to keep these things going. Orlando said he read that script and thought that he hadn't seen anything like it. He said it's about fear of life with other people. He said it's like the migrant issue we're having now.
Howard said he's the Executive Producer on the show so this is his baby. Orlando said the first season was challenging. He said there was a lot of change at Amazon studios and things like that. He said they came to him with the idea for the show over there. Howard said it's so great that there are so many places you can go with content. Orlando said it really is. Howard said 5 years ago he wouldn't have considered doing a TV series. He asked if there was any negative connotation when he went to do TV. Orlando said it's a different thing now. He said it's more like an 8 hour movie.
Howard asked if he has ever gone to Comic-Con. Orlando said he went this year for this show. Howard said he could clean up just doing conventions. Orlando said exactly. Howard said just be like the Star Trek crowd. Orlando said Comic-Con is great. He said it's a great way to meet the fan base and reconnect to them. He said he doesn't do a lot of social media but he has Instagram. Howard asked how Katy has 83 million fans on there. He said that's crazy. He said she could release her army on him. Orlando said that's a fearless thing he has.
Howard said he is successful and he has a big cock. He said he has everything a guy could want. Orlando said there is something about this that he didn't comprehend as a kid.
Howard asked if he has friends who aren't in show business. Orlando said many of his friends aren't famous. He said he has friends from growing up that he's still friends with. He said most of his friends are people Howard would not know.
Howard asked Orlando about breaking his ribs and stuff like that. Howard asked if he's ever had a concussion. Orlando said he did when he fell out the window. He said he was out for 3 minutes.
Howard asked if he takes pride in doing stunts himself. Orlando said of course. He said that it's a very controlled environment. He said you're not really risking your life. He said that you can push the boundary. He said that likes doing that in his life.
Howard asked what the dream acting role is for him. Orlando said for him it's like doing something like Ewan McGregor did with Trainspotting. He said he would like to fit a role like Ewan did in that. Howard asked if he hasn't found that yet. Orlando said he likes being on stage and doing something live. He said he hasn't had that role yet. He said Filo is a guy in Carnival Row that he's playing and that's a role he likes. Howard said he likes Filo too. Orlando said that his super power is that he's an empathetic man. He said that to him was interesting to unpack.
Howard said he's a guy trying to do the right thing in a world where no one cares about doing the right thing.
Howard said he is enjoying this Carnival Row. He said this woman in the show is lovely. Orlando said her name is Cara Delevingne. Howard asked who picked her. Orlando said she had auditioned for the role and he heard she was into it. He said she has an army of followers. Howard said she looks kind of like a pixie. Orlando said it's a great part for her. Howard asked if he has any feelings for her. Orlando said he doesn't shit where he eats. He said he likes to keep the chemistry for the camera. He said that he had a crush on some co-stars but he doesn't say anything to them. He said he had a crush on Kirsten Dunst and Keira Knightly but he didn't say anything to them.
Howard asked if it's hard to be in a relationship with Katy and go to work with Cara. Orlando said Katy is great. Howard asked if she sings to him. Orlando said not really. He said sometimes she sings in the shower. Howard asked if she has written any songs about him. Orlando said he didn't say that. Howard said he saw what was doing on that paddle board so he would write a song about that.
Howard said they have to review. He said that Orlando is on a roll. Orlando said he would say he had a big opening and now he's into the next chapter. He said the firs 10 years were amazing. He said he enjoys what he does. He said he loves being on set. He said that's where he feels seen in a way.
Howard asked if he has seen Lord of the Rings lately. Orlando said he doesn't do that. He said he did put it on for his son in little bits. He said he put on Pirates for him. He said he wasn't showing it for ego. He said it does nothing for him.
Howard asked if he thinks about going back and doing them all over again because he's in a different place now. Orlando said he doesn't think like that.
Howard said he saw that Orlando was at some big meeting with Google. Orlando said he's not allowed to talk about that. Howard said he didn't know he wasn't allowed to talk about it. Orlando said there are a lot of titans of industry who were there talking about this. Howard said they want to clean up the environment. Howard asked why they can't talk about it. Orlando said they're not supposed to talk about who was there but they can talk about the environment. He said the people in government aren't doing it. Robin asked if he was encouraged by what he heard. Orlando said he was. Howard asked if he's afraid of being deported for saying something about the Trump administration. Orlando said not at all. He said he is a British citizen. He said he has a home there. He said his son goes to school here in the states.
Howard asked if he knew he was the most searched man for 4 years in a row on Google. Orlando said his mom told him that. He said he used to have to go around wearing a cap all the time.
Howard said he's getting good roles and still getting the sexiest man alive title. Howard said that's great.
Howard asked if Orlando has a skeleton of his dog. Orlando said he does. He said Damian Hearst did that for him. He said he had a relationship with his dog that was precious. He said he rescued the dog from Morocco. He said he saw this puppy eating camel dung out of a box. He said he took the dog to the vet and cleaned it up. He said he took the dog back with him to the set. He said the dog bonded with him and he'd come to the set with him and lay under his chair on the set of Pirates. He said if you have a dog or pet you love then get the blood work done. He said when they get to a certain age get it done. Howard asked what happened to the dog. Orlando said he had liver failure. He said he was 12 and a half years old. He said he wept for an hour straight after that. Howard said he has done the same thing with cats.
Orlando said he just couldn't stand the idea of him not being around anymore. He said he called this company who told him to freeze the dog and they'd do the process to save the skeleton. He said he was asked if he wanted to keep the penis and he did. Howard said that's his plan for Orlando when he dies. Orlando laughed.
Orlando said the dog is in a window box and it looks like he's running. He said he has the idea that he's part of his life. He said he looks like a piece of art. He said it's a piece of art.
Howard said Orlando is there and the Executive Producer of this show on Amazon. Orlando said that it's like an 8 hour movie. Howard said it's called Carnival Row and it's on Amazon. He said it's a binge kind of show.
Howard asked about the show and how that all came about. Orlando said it's something that he was talking about back in 2016. He said that this was a show that was on a Blacklist. He said that's a list of scripts that just can't get made. He said that Guillermo Del Toro wasn't able to get it done. He said that there was a time when it was hard to get it done. Howard asked if he met with Jeff Bezos at all. Orlando said he never did. He said Katy has met him. He said he seems like a cool guy. Howard said he's a genius.
Howard asked who is going to be at the wedding. He asked if he's up for it. Orlando said they did bond. He said he'd love for him to be there. Howard asked if they have a guest list. Orlando said they're compiling it. He said it's happening next year. Howard said don't fuck this up. Orlando ask if he thinks he's going to fuck this up. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he'll go do a movie and something will happen. Orlando said that's all a part of working through a relationship. Howard said he hopes if they do split up that he doesn't lose that dog skeleton. He said you never know if you're going to have more kids. Orlando said they are shooting for that some day. He said Katy is great with kids so that would be great.
Howard asked if Orlando has had a fight with someone. Orlando said when he was 16 he did. He said he is the guy who will die in a fight just to make a point. He said he has the heart for that.
Howard said he knew he was a real man when he went to Antarctica. Orlando said he did some cool stuff up there. He said he was on a science research boat. He said he was cleaning dishes on that boat. Howard asked if it was a fishing boat. Orlando said it was an ice breaker. He said he had no email or phone or anything up there. He said he wasn't able to leave the house because of the Paparazzi. He said he went on this boat to escape that. He said they took him on this ship and they said it would make a man out of anyone. Howard asked how he found out about this. Orlando said his cousin was doing photographs and he was helping him out. He said he did a book about icebergs. Orlando said he likes to challenge himself.
Howard gave Orlando another plug for Carnival Row. He said he's into the show. He said he's enjoying the hell out of it. He said it looks great. He said it's basically a movie. He said he loves the streaming thing. He said he loves to binge on stuff. He said he loved The Boys too. Orlando said that's another Amazon show. He said he hasn't had the chance to see it yet. He said he's busy with promotion. He said he's doing Fallon tonight.
Howard asked if he has a name for his penis. Orlando said no. He asked if Howard does. Howard said no. Orlando asked who does that. Howard said he knows guys who do that. Howard asked how you find a condom to fit that thing. Orlando said he's leaving. Howard talked about Carnival Row again and said that it was on this blacklist. He said it was something that no one could get made until now. Howard said it takes you into a world that is dark. Howard said there's a fairy brothel in the show. He said you levitate when you make love to a fairy. Howard asked if Orlando has ever made a woman levitate. Orlando asked if that's a multiple orgasm.
Howard said the show must have cost a lot to make. Orlando said that they put some money into it. He said they signed off on a second season quickly too. He said he thinks they're banking on the show. He said there's no book or anything to go off of. He said there are things at the end of the season that he can't say. He said they bring up things that are interesting. Howard said he wants to know what went down at the environmental thing. He said he wants to know what went down with Leonardo DiCaprio on that yacht of his. Orlando said he has been on it. He said Leo is a good guy. Howard said he needs to get to know this kid. He said he'll never settle down. Orlando said he thinks he'll settle down. Howard said he's a great actor.
Howard asked how he got on the yacht. Orlando said he was in the area and he was invited to come on. Howard asked if his mind was blown. Orlando said his mind wasn't blown. Howard said he's thinking of something else getting blown. He said he's actually not that into blow jobs.
Howard asked why Orlando is growing a beard. Orlando said it's for a role. He said he's jealous of Bradley Cooper's beard.
Howard asked why he didn't do Saturday Night Live. Orlando said he was nervous about it. He said he wasn't able to think straight at the time. He said he would love to do Saturday Night Live now. He said he didn't have perspective at the time. He said it's like getting into a burning car. He said you have to be able to remain calm and get out of the car and do the job. He said you only live and enjoy your life if you can relate to what's happening in your life and be happy with it. He said he wasn't able to do Saturday Night Live because back then he wasn't able to see that. Howard said he'll talk to them about getting him on Saturday Night Live. Orlando said it's been some time since then. Howard gave him some more plugs and started to wrap up with Orlando. He said Robin was staring at his crotch the whole time. Robin said she never even thought about that until Howard said something. Howard said he knows the effect he has on Robin.
Howard said he doesn't want him to be too good looking around his wife. Orlando said they should double date. Howard said he had Katy on the show early on in her career. He said he really likes her.
Howard said he was shocked when he met Orlando. He said they were at a party. He said he can't say whose party it was. He said they were sitting at the same table. Orlando said they were seated next to each other. Howard said he was talking to him and didn't think he was a douche bag. Howard said he told Robin that he's more than just his penis. He said they had a good time together. He said he was kind of gushing. Orlando said he got more comments about that than anything. He said even more than Lord of the Rings. Orlando said he got that from a lot of people who he really respects. Howard said he saved him that night. He said he gets uncomfortable at parties like that. He said that got him out of it. He said he was single back then. Orlando said he was. Howard said he gets his move.
Howard asked if he has a urinal in his house. Orlando said he doesn't but that's a great idea. Howard said this is exactly what they'd talk about out at dinner.
Howard asked where they're shooting Carnival Row. Orlando said in Prague. Howard said maybe he'll drop by. He gave him more plugs and talked about hanging out at that party. Orlando said maybe Howard can marry them. He said that's what Howard has been fishing for. Howard said he won't even show up to his wedding. He said that's a real friend. Howard went over everything one last time and went to break.
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Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who said Orlando is one of the great cocksmen of Hollywood. Howard said not really. He said he talked about not really being that kind of guy. Robin said when Howard asked if he had ever been rejected he went kind of silent. Howard said he could tell him some stories about being rejected.
Speech Impediment Man asked at what point did he think that Beth was the one and he'd try marriage again. Howard said it took a long time to get to the marriage thing. He said she was the right one though. Speech Impediment Man said he's been doing comedy with Jim Florentine. Howard told him to say hi to Jim for him. He said he has to get to news. Howard said he's sure Jim is thrilled working with Speech Impediment Man. Fred did his Jim impression for a second.
Howard said it's time for news with Robin. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard asked if Ronnie calmed down. Robin said she's not sure. She said he's trying to be professional but by being a curmudgeon. Howard said one would say that he's almost unstable.
Howard said people were just talking about what happened at the party. He said Gary agrees with Ronnie though. He said he'll never have people to his house again after he went there. Howard said he was glad that he never got invited again. Gary said it wasn't even Howard. He said it was everyone else.
Howard said Ronnie went off the deep end today on the show. He said he had a meltdown. He replayed the clip of Ronnie freaking out and telling Stephanie that he told her not to do this party.
Howard said this show has turned his life into a magical life. He said he's not sure why he gets so upset. He said he's angry with the show and the show is awesome. He said this show didn't turn his life to shit.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he has to give Ronnie props for telling Stephanie to hang up and go to work. Howard said King likes him for putting her in her place. Fred did his Ronnie Puppet voice again and reenacted that freak out. Howard said that was beautiful.
King said that Ronnie was saying that it was the people getting nervous in front of Howard. He said Ronnie should be blaming Stephanie for this because she started it. Howard said that's King of All Blacks think. He let him go after that.
Howard said everyone loves King other than everyone who writes into the show. He said that's many people who write in. He said they actually have to take another break before Robin's news.
Howard had Ronnie come in and talk about this freak out again. Howard asked if he's going to yell at Stephanie again at home. Ronnie said no. He said she was at work when she called in. He said he's not going to have more parties. He said it wasn't supposed to happen to begin with. Howard said he didn't know he didn't want a party. Ronnie said this is why he doesn't want to have a party. Howard asked who he's mad at. Ronnie said he's mad at himself for having the party. He said this is Howard's show and this is what happens after a party.
Ronnie said he has a party on the weekend and the next day they tell him they had a great time and then 3 days later they're complaining about it.
Howard said that he has to know that he can't yell at women to show their tits if he works with them. Ronnie said they work there and they know how he parties. Howard said he's warning him about that. He said if they had been offended who needs the aggravation.
Robin said they have to step back a bit. She said last time they had this discussion with Ronnie he had walked on the set of the Adam Sandler movie and started carrying on like Ronnie. He was in the car with the woman who worked for Sandler and he was saying inappropriate things to her. Ronnie said he was in the car with Shuli. Ronnie said there was no woman in the car. He said her memory is shot. Robin said that they have told him about yelling out ''Show us your tits'' in front of women.
Howard said everyone had a good time at his party. He said they were talking about what happened there. Its interesting. Ronnie said it's real interesting. Howard said it's fun to reminisce about the party. Ronnie said they talk about him being inappropriate and being a rapist. Robin said no one called him a rapist.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he thinks Ronnie is zeroing in on the wrong thing. He said they all had a great time and they're just talking about this one guy. He said it's a segment and it didn't come off bad. He said it was just a party. Howard said he went off the rails. Ronnie said he did not. Howard said he's getting too worked up over there.
Ronnie told Ralph to throw a party at his house and see what happens. Howard said Ralph doesn't want to be goofed on. He said don't throw a party then. He said Ralph doesn't throw parties, he judges parties. Ralph said Ronnie's was really good.
Ralph said that he was thinking the whole time about Ronnie's neighbors and how he'd kill himself if he was his neighbor. Howard said his neighbors had no choice but to show up. He said Brent had to wear ear plugs because the speakers were so loud there. Ronnie said now the speakers were no good. He said if he wasn't smoking so much weed maybe he wouldn't have needed them.
Howard said what if you're sick and someone wants to get some sleep. Ronnie said it's once a year so tough shit. He said he never complains about his neighbors.
Howard played some of the audio of people singing karaoke. Ronnie said it sounds like he wasn't singing alone there. Howard said he had people singing with him. Ralph told Ronnie to just calm down. He said it's fine. Ronnie said he's fine. Howard said he's so bent out of shape. Ronnie said he's not bent out of shape.
Howard replayed Ronnie freaking out on Stephanie. He wrapped up with Ronnie again and went into a live commercial read.
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Howard said he loves it. He said it was an interesting show today. He said they try to keep it real.
Howard said it's time for Robin's news. Robin started off with a story about Beth Stern who had a breast cancer scare. Robin said Beth had a scare a few months ago. Howard said he was sitting home watching this Carnival Row and Beth had gone to the house to check on the cats. He said she put something up on Instagram and she wanted him to know about it. He said he felt like JD when she told him that. He said she went public about the mammogram thing. He said he was surprised she did it. Howard said she got her yearly mammogram and they saw a lump. He said she had to get it done again after a certain amount of time. He said it didn't grow so that was good news. He said Beth said she felt it was her obligation to tell women to get a mammogram. He said she never wants to get one but she does. He said he was nervous about it. He said he has invested a lot in Beth. He said he doesn't need anything to go wrong with her. Robin said she had some funny hashtags like #LoveOurBoobies and #OurMenLoveThemToo.
Howard said he's glad Beth told him about this because it would have caught him off guard. Robin said PageSix.com picked up the story.
Robin read a story about Alex Trebek getting back to work on Jeopardy. She had some audio of Alex talking about his cancer battle. Robin said good for him getting back to work.
Robin read a story about cancer taking over as heart disease as the biggest killer in many countries. Robin said we need to have a war on cancer. Howard said we can't win that war because the environment is so polluted. He said the bird they rescued was poisoned from the ocean.
Robin read a story about a British teen going blind from having such a poor diet growing up. Robin said he decided to live on a diet of chips and fries. Howard said you will get sick from that. Robin said he started to lose his hearing too. Robin said he's one of these fussy eaters. Howard said he had friends like that. He said it's from bad parenting. He said kids want sugar and fries and stuff. He said he's shocked by it. He said his mother used to make him eat salad and things. Howard said Jon Hein is one of those guys. Robin said he has a limited amount of food he'll eat. Robin said this kid ate chips and Pringles all the time. He said he'd eat bread and never had any fruit or vegetables, ever. Robin said he's legally blind at this point. She said they don't think they can reverse the blindness. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a miniature horse being allowed on an airplane as a therapy pet. Howard said he felt so bad for that horse. He said it doesn't belong on the plane. He said Whitney Cummings tweeted out something about how she should just take a Xanax if you're that anxious to travel. Howard asked what is going on up in the sky. Robin asked if a horse can be potty trained. Howard said no. He said he saw the pictures of it and felt the same way Whitney did. Howard said it flew better than JD did. He said JD was stuck with a guy leaning his seat all the way back. Robin wondered what was so important that this person had to fly with a horse.
Robin read a story about how Facebook is using a face recognition system. Robin said if you're tagged in a photo it will do it with facial recognition now. Robin said it's already live but the default is off. Howard said it's amazing technology. Robin said it's annoying. Howard took a fake call from the back office where they had a guy traveling with a therapy tiger. Howard guessed it would start eating people. He was right. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about a wedding venue that denied a wedding because it was an interracial wedding. Robin said they did some research and came back with an apology. Robin had some audio of the bride and the woman who ran this facility. Robin said after doing research they figured out that their beliefs were incorrect. Robin said they went off half cocked knowing they shouldn't be against interracial marriage. Howard said they still hate the gays though.
Robin read a story about a minister, McKrae Game, who has run a conversion therapy center has now come out as gay. Howard said that happens a lot. Robin read about this guy apologizing for what he did. Robin said he worked in the field for 20 years.
Robin read a story about the President being criticized for staying home and watching the hurricane this weekend. Robin said he ended up playing a lot of golf. She said he canceled a trip to Poland and someone asked him what he thinks about the situation 60 years ago in Poland. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about Mike Pence going over there to represent us. He said he wants to congratulates them. Robin said he congratulated them on being invaded by the Nazis. Howard said Donald isn't up on that history stuff. Robin said he claims to know more about stuff than the experts do. Robin said he claims to know more about hurricanes than anyone. She said that he says there are never category 5 hurricanes. Robin said she used to pretend she knew things she didn't and it was mostly because of insecurity. Robin said Trump said that airplanes don't need pilots. Robin read a few other things Trump has said over the past couple of years. She said he's acting like an expert instead of going to experts for advice. She said he should take a look at that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked if Howard saw that clip of Trump meeting with the G7 leaders. Howard said he did. Robin said that one of the leaders, from Poland, walked right past Trump and to Melania. Robin wondered if it's okay to do that when you don't like the President. Howard said yes it is. Robin said she thinks that might be the reason Trump didn't go to Poland.
Robin said Mitch McConnell was confronted about gun control after the shootings lately. Robin said McConnell says he can't do anything about it until the President takes a position on it. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about strengthening background checks on a few occasions. Robin said she thinks that he has a position.
Robin read a story about Walmart getting out of hand gun sales. Robin said they will also stop selling ammunition. Robin had some audio of a news report about the new policy.
Robin read a story about hurricane Dorian and had some audio of some news reports about what it's doing to the coast of Florida. Robin said it hung over the Bahamas and they're reporting at least 7 deaths down there. Robin said they say it has been devastating to them.
Robin read a story about Leslie Jones leaving Saturday Night Live. Robin said she won't be returning to the show this season. Robin said she has her own projects now and is very excited about her future. Howard said he saw her do stand up and she was really good. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:15am.