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Howard started the show giving Robin a ''hey oh'' instead of a hey now. He said he likes to mix it up. He said everyone's house was burning down this weekend. He said Caitlyn Jenner's didn't burn down but it came close. He said that Guillermo Del Toro's house was in danger too. He said he has a ton of cool old movie stuff in his house. He said he has all of that stuff. Robin said it wasn't everyone's house. Howard said the people whose homes burned down were Robin Thicke, Gerard Butler and someone else's. Robin said Julia Roberts was threatened. Gary said Camille Grammer's house burned. Howard said the set of Westworld burned too. He said it was very upsetting that people were losing their homes. He said that just sucks. Robin said they'll be fine. Howard said what about the people who don't have the means. He said it's so depressing.
Howard said he got very depressed about it. Robin asked why he was depressed about life. Howard said when he sees people losing their homes he gets depressed. Robin asked if he did anything about it. Howard said he did. He said he watched the movie ''Overlord'' that has Nazi zombies in it. He said it's in World War II. Howard said Miley Cyrus and Neil Young's houses burned down too. He said he was thinking about them but also the people who aren't famous. He said he's not sure what he can do about it. Robin said he's not doing anything about it. Howard said he got sad reading the news. Robin asked why it didn't activate him to do something. Howard said he can't do anything. Robin said he could take action and do something. Howard said he went out and fed the homeless. He also rescued dogs.
Howard got back to ''Overlord'' and talked about what the movie is about. He said he loved the movie. He said he loves zombies and soldier movies. He said it was like everything he wanted combined into one. He said it was his ''Faaavorite.''
Howard asked Gary what he told him about with Richard. Gary said there's a show called Live PD where they follow cops around live. Gary said it's not just one set, it's like 10 sets of cops. He said when something goes down they go live to them. He said Richard and his wife say it's their favorite. He said it's on from 9 to midnight on Friday and Saturday nights. He said they have special wine they drink when they watch. Howard said he thinks Richard might be an alcoholic.
Gary said Dan Abrams is the moderator on that show and they found out that Richard and his wife watch the show and they have a game where they try to guess what sweater he'll wear on which night. Gary said Richard said it's the most important thing to him in this world. He thought his son was the biggest deal in his world. Howard asked Fred what's wrong with Richard. Fred said he thinks he's stuck in the stage of 5th grade or something.
Robin said Trump is like Richard in the way he talks. He said he's always talking about how things are the best and worst all the time. Howard said he saw Trump didn't go to something over in France because of the rain. He asked what's wrong with him.
Howard said he's never watched Live PD. He said he has a rundown about it. Howard said the show is live and that's kind of risky. He said the follow police calls all over the country. Howard said they cut to the place with the most action. He said that's what Richard and his wife are watching every weekend.
Richard came in and said that they have a wine they call wallpaper wine because the label looks like wallpaper. Howard said Richard loves it because they cover Springfield Missouri on it. Robin said that's where the Simpsons are from so that's why he likes it. Richard said it's actually where Brad Pitt is from and he lived there for a while too.
Howard said he has some clips that Richard pulled form the show. Howard played one clip and asked why there's music playing with this one. Richard said they sometimes play stuff from earlier and it's prerecorded. Howard played a clip where a woman was moaning and masturbating when the cops showed up looking for some guy who had a warrant.
Howard said they must be in TV's golden age. Howard said this one was a guy who was running around with a shoe string tied around his penis. In that one the cops showed up and they found this guy who had his penis puppet going while trying to make someone laugh.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling in from Saudi Arabia. Howard asked the guy what's up with that prince dude. He asked why that story is gone from the news already. He said that guy got killed over there and now it's forgotten. He said we've had a bombing and shootings going on over here. He said it's weird you can't keep up with the news over here. The caller, Muhammad, said that they said they're going to take care of the people who were responsible. Howard said the prince is responsible. He said they won't say that. Muhammad said they say he didn't command it. Howard said Muhammad will end up dead if he talks about it so he had better stay quiet.
Muhammad said he wants to talk about Richard. He said he doesn't think he understands the meaning of the word favorite. He said that he thinks it must mean ''great'' or something. Richard said even over there they think he doesn't know.
Muhammad said he loved when Richard said that he thinks gay stuff is hilarious. He did an impression of Richard's voice as he talked about that.
Howard said he was watching Supergirl last night and she has a buddy (Nicole Maines) who is super hot. He said he was thinking about how hot she was and then the hot girl goes up to Jimmy Olsen and says she feels bad because she's a transgender woman. He said he thought it was a woman but it turns out she used to be a dude and he was hot for her. He said he was shocked. He said that's as hot as you get on Supergirl. He said that it fucked his head up. He said he couldn't get into her that much because she used to have a cock. He said he thinks he might be gay now. Robin said that he could be with a transgender person. Howard said most people wouldn't know that she's a transgender woman. He said that even her voice was super feminine. He said it wasn't like Herman Munster. Howard asked JD to pull some clips of that girl's voice.
Robin said she told him this girl was joining the cast. Howard said she did but he didn't know it was her. He said her birth name was Wyatt. Howard said it's not gay if you fall for her. Robin said it is. Richard said it's not gay. He said that's fine if you want to jerk off to her. Howard said it is a little gay.
Robin said one of the shows she watches has someone who looks transgender on it but she's not sure if they are. She said that if they have sex then maybe it'll come out. Richard said it's like The Crying Game. Howard said that movie really caught him by surprise.
Howard said he has the Saudi Prince on the phone. He took the call from the fake prince who told Muhammad he's fucked now that he called this show. He said he did not cut anyone's head or hands off. He said he doesn't work like that. He said now he's talking to Muhammad. He said he knows where he lives and he has a bone saw with his name on it. Muhammad said he's his biggest fan. Richard said he's his favorite. Howard told Muhammad to tell him he's his favorite. Muhammad did that in his Richard voice. Howard let Muhammad go. Before he went Muhammad gave Memet a ''fuck Memet.''
Howard said he was really fooled by that transgender on Supergirl. Robin asked if he thinks there are other women who were trans and he didn't know. Howard said he doesn't know. Richard said they had a hot one on the show years ago. Howard said she didn't fool him. He said he knew ahead of time. He said he may have gotten a boner when she sat on his lap. Howard said her name was Toula.
Howard said he went looking for pictures this girl and she was hot. He said he wasn't able to find any bikini pictures though. Fred said she has a twin brother too.
Howard said he thought she was a woman. He said that doesn't make him gay. He said he can't go gay now. He said he's too old.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's from the gay bureau and he's definitely gay. Richard asked if he'll let him blow him now. Howard said no to that.
Howard got back to the Live PD clips and played one where a woman claimed she hadn't been drinking but she sounded drunk.
Howard played a clip where a drunk woman laying on the floor of a bar started flirting with the cop. The woman was talking about how he she wanted to mess with his penis. She was heaving after that.
Howard said the cop was probably pissed that the camera was there. Howard said his uncle would have loved that. He said they didn't even have cameras back then.
Howard said he has the clip of the transgender woman on Supergirl talking. He played the clip and it sounded like a woman's voice. Howard played the clip and talked about how she has it down. He said that's impressive. Robin said whoever worked with her on that should work with Bruce Jenner. Howard said her name is Caitlyn. Richard said you're thinking it's a woman playing the part. Howard said you'd never know she was a transgender. Howard had Fred do his Herman Munster voice a little bit.
Howard said Richard loves it when people poop and pee on Live PD. He played a clip of a cop talking to a guy who shit and pissed himself at a Walmart. Howard let that clip play and said they should rub his face in it. The guy claimed that he was tazed so that's why he pooped. Richard said he almost shit his pants when he got his balls shocked by Bubba. Howard said he doesn't have the patience to sit through that much show. He said it sounds good though. Robin said she thinks Richard likes this because this is the kind of person he wants to be.
Howard said this is Richard's favorite clip. He played it and it was a guy who was throwing shit all over his house. In the clip the guy said he sharted when he thought he was going to fart. The cops ended up taking him out of the house and warned him not to fart in the car when they take him away.
Howard said this teaches you that being a cop is the hardest job in the world. Richard said you do have to give them respect. Howard said when it's a kid you understand but these dudes are grown people. Richard said the cops are always so patient on the show. Howard said of course because they're on camera. Howard said in the old days when his uncle was a cop they'd shove that guy's face in his shit. He said they'd club this guy in an alley like a seal. He said no one pushed out a fart in the old days.
Richard said ''you should have saw this woman's bathroom where the guy shit.'' Howard said he just said ''You should have saw...'' He asked how he can get that wrong. Richard said it should have been ''You should have seen.''
Richard said they pull people over and pull out big bags of dildos on that show too. Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that he was told not to drink at the Sirius building and then he talks about this. He said that he also let the trolls win by saying he should not be on Periscope. Howard said Jeff needs a job. He said he needs to be productive. Jeff said ''oh come on.'' Howard said at the end of his life he's going to look back at it and think about how much time he wasted on Periscope. He said he should be using those hours for something better. He said if he was working he wouldn't have trolls.
Jeff said he can't drive so he can't get a job. Robin said plenty of people don't drive and have jobs. Jeff yelled something out and hung up. Howard said Jeff hates it when he's right. He said he knows people who work who can't drive. He said that Jeff gets all angry at him. He said he didn't get to enjoy that yell at the end there. Howard mentioned that Hugh Jackman is coming in to promote a movie he did about Gary Hart. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
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Howard said he thinks that Hugh Jackman is the best actor in the world. He said he does it all. He said that he has been nominated for an Oscar. He said he can do musicals and sing too. He said he's hosted the Tony's a bunch of times too. He asked who is greater than him. Robin said everyone. He said she's kidding. She said he's a very fine actor but that doesn't mean he's the greatest of all time. Howard said he thinks he does. Robin asked if he could play The Godfather. Howard said he thinks so.
Howard said he's not sure how these guys do it when they have no trace of an accent. Robin said she thinks that rock stars sing rock songs like the song is and they just practice the American accent. Robin said she thinks it's an easier transition when the Australians and English do it. Howard said he's not sure about that.
Howard said Robin has covered some Yoko Ono songs and he thinks that she's fallen into something. He said her interpretation of Yoko is better than Yoko. He said he's not kidding about that. He said Yoko is now 85 years old. He said her new album is called War Zone. Robin said he's right. Howard played some of her song ''War Zone'' and then played Robin's cover of that song. Howard said this is Robin covering War Zone. He said she has so much power in the song. He said she has a power and presence that no one has. He said they took that and mixed in a porn actress screaming. He played that too. They took Yoko's voice out and replaced it with a porn chick.
Howard said Robin also covered ''Hell in Paradise'' by Yoko. He played Yoko's version first and then played Robin's cover. She was doing the Yoko accent in the song. Howard said ''Wow!'' when he heard Robin singing that one. He said here's Yoko and played her singing. He said he thinks he likes Robin's yell better. He said it's like a Tarzan yell. Robin said it came out very well. She said she knows who she can cover now.
Howard said he's going to play a track from Yoko's album. He said that Mark David Chapman wants to marry Robin now. He said he's going to play a track and you have to guess if its something real or did they fake it. He played one called ''I'm Alive.'' It had banging sounds and Yoko saying ''It's me. I'm alive.'' Robin guessed it was a real song. Howard said listen to this one. He played another song called ''Wind'' with a vacuum cleaner sound in it with Yoko's voice. Robin said that might be real. Howard said wrong. He said they recorded that in the Sirius bathroom. Robin said they might have a hit song there. Howard said it was a hand dryer in the bathroom there. He said he hates those hand driers. He said just give him a paper towel.
Howard said he's not sure why they put that in. Robin said it's to stop waste. Howard said some things need to have waste.
Howard played another song called Children Power. He asked Robin if that's real or fake. Robin said it's Yoko. Howard said that it has animal sounds in it. Robin said she doesn't understand it. Howard said she's right though.
Howard said this is called ''Daylight.'' He played the song and it had a bunch of random sound drops in it. Robin knew it was fake. Howard said she's right about that.
Howard played one more where Yoko sang about people calling her a fuck head and things like that. Robin said that's real. Howard said she's right. He said it was called ''All of Me.''
Howard said that Sean Lennon released a tape of his mom and he's not sure if he's goofing on her or not. Howard said he might be goofing on her. He played the clip and Sean put out a clip of his mom rambling and not making any sense.
Howard played a song called Eternal Moon where they had random sound drops playing in the song. Robin said that is a Sal and Richard special. Howard said it was recoded on 9th Ave.
Robin asked if she writes the songs music and lyrics. Robin said she's not writing music. Howard said it depends on your definition of what music is. Howard said he doesn't have an answer for that.
Howard said Ray Donovan is really good. He said that it's such a great show. Robin said they made him such a basket case. Howard said there are so many good shows. The caller said that Liev did a great job on the show even though he said he wasn't funny.
Howard said the secret to Saturday Night Live is that anyone who was great on the show the best people are usually actors as opposed to comedians. He said Belushi was great but he was an actor. He said he wasn't so much a comedian. Howard said that's why Liev and Alec Baldwin are great.
Howard said he was asked to do Saturday Night Live but he was afraid he'd have to do something lame. He said he has his own little narrow lane he goes down to be funny. He said he didn't think he would have done well in an ensemble. He said it could have been good though. He said there were too many potholes he could have gone into. Robin said she thinks he over thinks things. Howard said absolutely. He said that he thinks Saturday Night Live is still great. He said that he loves that they're still there. He said that the show is live and they still do musical acts. He said he loves interviewing people who are on Saturday Night Live too. He said he's still happy it's there.
Howard said he will take one more call and then take a break. He played some clips of Robin singing the Yoko stuff before taking a call.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she used to work at an art gallery and they did a special with Yoko. She said she was peddling John's lithographs. Howard said she would make any of his scribbles into art. The caller said this was a long time ago and Yoko came in and everyone thought she was a dick .She said she was ordering people around. She said she asked her to get a Cappuccino and she just walked out and didn't come back. She said no one bought anything. She said she was just a dick. She said all of the art work sucked too. Howard let her go and said he kind of liked Yoko's art. He said that she is kind of talented in some ways. He said he's not down on her completely. Robin said that Picasso was amazing and he was amazing from a young age.
Howard said he knows that John loved her so he has to love her. He said John saw something there.
Howard said he was painting over the weekend. He said he's in the middle of something important. He said he's doing a small water color of a man on a rooftop spraying for termites. He said he took pictures of homes of really wealthy people and he's showing they have to deal with real things like termites too. Fred threw in some drops of Robin singing the Yoko songs.
Howard said he'll show Robin that art work and she'll love it. Robin said she wanted to commission Howard on a painting. She said she's going to take a picture and have him paint it. Howard said he has to be inspired by it to do it.
Howard said he and Fred were going to come over and paint her in the nude. Robin said that's not what she was thinking. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said this is Robin narrating. He played a clip from the movie where Robin did her thing. She was talking about Phil Jackson in the clip. Howard said she sounds very natural. Howard asked if she's a triple threat. Robin said she is.
Howard asked if she prepared for this at all. He asked what her method was. Robin said this was months ago so she doesn't remember. Robin said she enjoyed doing it at the time. She said she moves from project to project.
Howard played another clip of Robin talking about Kobe retiring. Howard said he thinks she did a very good job. He said he was impressed. Howard said her voice has not changed in 35 years. He said she should narrate everything on TV that has narration. Robin said she wishes she got more calls.
Howard said now he has to celebrate Wendy the Slow Adult. He said they made a phony phone call to a wildlife removal company. Howard played the call the guys made to this company using clips of Wendy talking about being in a dumpster and fighting with a rabid raccoon. She got bit and started throwing up. The guy said she's not talking right. He said he's not sure what's going on. Wendy was asking if he could trap for her. She wanted to be his pet.
Howard said she really commits like Robin does. Robin said she's a role model for her. Howard said Beetlejuice also narrated a movie about basketball. He played a bit the guys made using clips of Beetlejuice talking about basketball.
Howard said he's going to let him in on a secret. He said that there is a beauty to life. He said being engaged with the world and being busy is something that works. He said that you can volunteer or help people. He said you can help people with whatever it is. Jeff said it's Periscope. Robin said that's not a job. Howard said it doesn't move the needle. He said he's not really passionate about it. Jeff said he is. Howard said he thinks he should try something with more meaning behind it. Jeff said that he has his cooking shows. Howard said there are maybe 17 people watching that. He said it's a waste. He doesn't need that.
Gary said that Shuli is coming in to talk about Jeff writing to Periscope and getting responses. He said they're kind of funny. Howard said Jeff jerked off in front of men on Periscope thinking they were women. He said this is why he's not enjoying life.
Shuli came in and said that his account has been suspended so many times. He said he's not sure why it happened this time. Jeff said he sent him everything that he has. Shuli read about what they wrote back saying that he's done and never coming back. He said Jeff wrote back about how sick he is about the double standard of that company. He said they give badges to people on there for no apparent reason. Jeff said it's all a bunch of bullshit.
Howard said Jeff's letter is kind of well written. He said imagine if he put that energy into a cover letter and resume. Shuli read more of his letter where he was asking to be reinstated. Howard said Jeff seems to think that he's on the side of the trolls. He said he's not even aware of any of this. Jeff said Howard gives them a platform. Howard asked how he does that. Jeff went off on Shuli too. Shuli said that this guy calls him and he's so delusional. He said he begged him not to bring this up on the air two weeks ago. Shuli said he would do him a solid and not bring it up. He said a week later he sees he's on hold wanting to talk about it. Shuli sad that Jeff is the one calling in with this shit.
Howard said maybe it's good that he got shut down. He said it might lead to more productivity. Jeff said sure it will. He said he's been off of it for 2 weeks now. Shuli said he's gotten so much free stuff from it.
Shuli asked if the fans order his pizza for him on every Friday. Jeff said the fans do. Shuli said he knows he's been suspended for smoking weed and things like that on there. He said that he has masturbated on there too. He said most of the people watching are trolls. Jeff said that a lot of people are doing other bullshit and they get to stay on. He said he ain't even doing bad shit. He said he's done nothing wrong. Howard said try Facebook. Jeff said Facebook sucks. Howard said Benjy is on there all the time broadcasting.
Robin said she was on Facebook and a Benjy thing popped up. She said that was crazy. Shuli said it's fascinating watching Jeff cooking with one arm. Howard said you can go live on Instagram too. Jeff said you can do that.
Howard said he has the president of Periscope on the line. He took the call from the fake guy saying that they wanted to reinstate Jeff today. He asked what he has planned for his next thing. Jeff said he will do karaoke. The president of Periscope said he's just trolling him and he's not reinstating him.
Howard said King of All Blacks is on the phone and he wants to tell Jeff that this is ruing his life. He said what people do is go to work and come hoe and watch some TV. He said then you have sex with your girl. He said that he's having something that never gets you want you want. Shuli said he's finally making sense. Howard said he's the King of all Life Coaches. Jeff said that he's going to think about that. King said he's going back into his lonely hole and not getting what he really wants. Jeff told him to go fuck himself. Howard said he knew he wasn't taking it seriously.
Howard said he can't help with Periscope or the trolls. He said he's not against him being on Periscope. Shuli said he could be doing the same thing on Facebook. Jeff said he wants to be on Periscope. He said that he can't do his cooking show on Instagram because they only give you an hour. Howard said just do an hour, take a break and do another hour. Shuli said he could cook ahead of time. Jeff said he isn't going to prepare it ahead of time. Howard said just do the prep and cook it and take time off while it cooks.
Howard asked how long he has to wait to do another hour on Instagram. Jeff said you can do it instantly. Howard said all you have to do is log off and then back on.
Shuli said it's great watching him opening stuff with his mouth. Jeff said he has less followers on Facebook than he does on Periscope. Shuli said that he fucks with the trolls and then they go after him and get him shut down. Robin asked how long he's in Periscope jail. Shuli said it's been like 3 weeks now. Howard said he must be done. Howard said he's had enough. He said he wants to end this. He hung up on Jeff and said he has to get to Hugh Jackman after a break. Fred played some Tan Mom clips where she got Hugh's name wrong. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he has Hugh Jackman there. Howard said he's a good looking young man. He said he looks good. Hugh thanked him for that. He said he finished a movie on Saturday night and he finished at 4. He said it's called Bad Education. He said it was a scandal about a school superintendent who was part of a $12 million embezzlement thing. He said the guy got the school to number 4 in the country. He said the story is really interesting. Howard asked if the guy is out of prison. Hugh said he is. He said now he's a tutor online. He said he hasn't met the guy though. Howard asked if it is necessary to meet someone you play. Hugh said it isn't but he did when he was going to play Gary Hart. He said he had to meet Gary. He said he was super nervous about portraying him in the worst 3 weeks of his life.
Howard said this movie is about Gary Hart who was fucking around on his wife and back then you didn't know how to handle things. He said now you know you just deny it. Hugh said that there's a line in his final speech about how things in your public life are interesting but not really important. Howard said back in the day when you were caught cheating you didn't become president. Hugh said it escalated for him because it was the start of 24/7 TV and things like that. He said it was a steamroller. Howard said the guy would freak out when they'd ask him about the affair. Hugh said there's a great scene where they're coaching him and he says it's none of your business. He said that he was a private guy and he was protective of his family.
Howard asked if he would have been a good president. Hugh said he thinks he would have. He said he met Gary and he was introduced to him by one of his campaign team. Howard said Jason Reitman asked him to play this part and he wanted to meet with Gary Hart. Howard said he's going full Daniel Day Lewis trying to get into his head. Hugh said he wanted to tell him to his face that he respects him and he's going to take this seriously. Howard asked if he had to write him. Hugh said they were introduced via email. Howard asked what would motivate Gary to meet with him. Hugh said he thinks that he knew he had good intentions with this script. He said that this book had come out and he had worked with the author on that. Howard asked if he was nervous going to meet with him. Hugh said oh yeah.
Howard asked where he met with him. Hugh said he flew out to Denver and he lives outside of there. He said that the guy is very private so he's not sure if he can share some of these stories. He said the intro was through Gary or Doug and they got started talking and they met and he met him curbside at the airport. Howard said then he's in the car with Gary Hart. Hugh said he was nervous. He said he didn't know what that moment was going to be like. He said Gary shook his hand and the other hand was on his cheek. He said it was his way of making him feel comfortable. He said it didn't feel weird at all. He said that the guy is the same age as his father and his father is as private as Gary is. He said that he had this thing that was like it was meeting his father. He said it calmed him right down. He said they talked like they had known each other forever.
Howard asked if Gary asked if he was going to show him fucking Donna Rice and things like that. Hugh said not at all. He said he spent 3 days with the guy. He said his wife had just had hip surgery. He said that the wife can't climb the stairs so they were sleeping downstairs. He said he just slept in their bed up in the bedroom. He said it was amazing.
Howard said he'd never even let him use his bathroom. Howard asked if his house is better or is Gary Hart's. He said Hugh has stayed at his place. Howard said he must be better host. Hugh said they're equally as good. Howard said he didn't let him stay in his bed. Hugh said he did stay up until 11 at night. He said he was a little upset that they didn't go to bed at 8:30.
Howard said Gary Hart got caught in a scandal. He said his wife stayed with him. Hugh said they just celebrated their 60th anniversary. Hugh said they separated twice and they had met at 19 so they had some rocky periods. He said that he witnessed one of the most loving and caring relationships. Howard said he has seen that before where they stay together and they rekindle things. Hugh said he wanted to ask about that rocky stuff and how that works out. Howard asked if he ever asked them about what they said to their daughter. Hugh said he didn't ask. Howard said when you're going to play a guy who is still alive and you go there for three days what do you pick up. He asked if you pick up speech or mannerisms. Hugh said on the performance side it's how he makes people feel around him. He said all of us are different. He said Howard is probably the same all the time. Howard said he is shallow. Hugh said that we're all different around people. He said he wants to see how he is publicly. He said he picked up on his warmth and generosity. He said he is playing his life and this is his life and legacy. He said he felt from Gary was care for him. He said he wanted to make him feel at ease. He said he didn't have to do that.
Hugh said that Gary's whole campaign team flew to Denver to see the movie with him. He said that's how much they cared about him. Howard said he must be haunted by that whole thing and how close he came to being president. Hugh said he thinks it's been really hard on him. He said the last couple of years especially. He said you see where the country is going and he sees that he knows what to do. He said that he isn't even on TV. He said in 1998 Clinton put him in charge of security in this country and he was the one who came up with Homeland Security. He said that Gary was the one who said there would be an attack on this country. He said no one paid attention until something happened. He said he was in the garage with Steve Jobs. He said that he was a visionary. He said that he had to watch all of this change because of this affair.
Howard said we don't really care about that stuff. He said that Gary Hart asked the press to follow him around and they'd be really bored. Hugh said they were already following him around. He said that he was being staked out before that article came out.
Howard asked what they did in those three days at Gary's house. Hugh said that they walked around the property and talked. He said Gary is now in his 80s.
Howard said he should do a movie about this own father. He said his father was something else. Hugh said he doesn't remember his father having any time to himself. He said he was a partner at Price Waterhouse and that had to be a 70 hour a week job. He said he had to raise 5 kids. He said you had to rotate cooking and cleaning and all of that. Howard asked where he was in the age range. Hugh said he was the youngest.
Howard asked how old he was when his mother left. Hugh said he was 8. He said he asked his mom why it was that she left. He said he's still asking questions. He said about a year and a half ago he spent some time with her. He said he had a clearer focus on things and he asked her. He said she was able to answer him openly and honestly. Howard said if he ever had a real conversation with his mom about that stuff he'd be afraid of breaking her.
Hugh said he knows how much work Howard has done over the years. He said he thinks that he would have had him talk to his mother. Howard said he has gotten shot down trying to talk to her. Howard said she just gets too upset.
Howard asked why his mom left. Hugh said he's not sure he can say. He said he has four siblings that he has to think about. He said that it felt like there was another person making those choices at the time. Howard said maybe she was handling things her own way and had to do it to handle her mental health. Hugh said this was in the mid 70s so it was a different time. He said it was a whole different thing.
Howard asked Hugh if he felt like it was his fault. Hugh said not at all. He said that he was embarrassed that his mother left. He said that he was afraid that people thought about him like that was the guy whose mother left. He said he just wanted things to be normal. Howard said he wanted to fit in.
Howard said Hugh's brothers called him a poufter for wanting to be a singer and dancer. Hugh said he was in 5th grade and he came home asking to take dance lessons. He said his dad was all for it. He said that his father didn't believe in getting new sneakers but he'd pay for a new instrument. Hugh said that his brother was talking about him like that and he wasn't thinking that way at all. He said he did musicals at school and all of that. Howard said it does take balls to be in a high school musical. Hugh said he was in an all boys school and they did the plays with the all girl's school. He said everyone wanted to be in that musical because of that.
Hugh said at 18 he wasn't thinking about dancing. He said he went to see 42nd Street with his dad and brother and his brother told him he should be up on that stage and he was wrong for saying what he said to him.
Howard said Hugh went for acting school when his grandmother left him some money in her will. He said that he was a bad actor when he started. Howard said if you work at it you can learn to be an actor. He said it's a skill. Hugh said he was all in. He said there was a main teacher who hated him and he thought he was just there fresh off the bench. Howard said it's great when he makes it and they didn't. Howard said he was thinking about radio like that. He said he got more and more well known and successful and he was like ''Fuck you guys.''
Howard said Hugh worked as a party clown. He asked if he was good. Hugh said he was good with kids up to the age of 3. He said he could juggle and do that but nothing more. He said he didn't have the ability to do balloon animals or anything. He said his last party was for an 8 year old and the kid was talking about how he was crap. He said he looked in his bag and got out three eggs and he broke all three. He said they had the eggs and they were throwing it at him. He said they were kicking the shit out of him too. He said it was pathetic. He said he never went back after that one. He said he was crap so he had to give it up.
Howard asked Hugh about leaving Gary Hart's house and what happened after that. Hugh said he left and he felt like he had a good friend. He said they still stay in touch. He said on the way to the airport Gary gave him his 100 day plan and it would be a different world if he had been president. He said he had a plan for the Middle East and all of that. He said that education was his number one thing. He said things would have been so different today. Howard said if he had not been caught up in scandal then things would have changed.
Hugh said that Gary told him that presidents don't have to be president for two terms if they are doing a good job. He said Gary said that they also go domestic and then they go international 9 months in. He said Gary told him that he was going to finish with the cold war and he was going to go to the middle east and make a deal with them over there. He said that he would stay there for weeks if he had to. Hugh said then Gary said he would come back and he'd be conservative. He said he thought he'd have a 65 percent approval rating. He said then he would go after education and make that his focus. He said then he'd be in Air Force One talking about what he wanted to do with education and within that 100 days he would have had an education system that would have prepared people for the future.
Howard said all people wanted to ask him was about having sex with Donna Rice. Hugh said he hopes he doesn't mind him saying this but he has such great respect for him. He said Gary would say that he could see into the future. He said as a leader that's what he wants. He said he met Charon Perez and he knew he'd be unpopular for a lot of his leadership. He said you have to do those things even the people are against you.
Hugh said that he did a bit in the movie where Gary would draw a graph. He said it got cut out of the movie though. He explained it to Howard and said that you should judge your politicians on how far into the future your politicians want to take you. He said that it's not on the left or right but the up or down which is the future and past.
Howard said it's such a shame that all of this happened with Gary. Hugh said his voice was lost to public life. He said John McCain was so important too. Hugh said he asked him if he was ever asked to be a lobbyist. He said Gary said he was and he was sickened by it.
Howard asked if he talked about Trump. Hugh said he did. He said Gary thinks this is a good way to go back to first principles. He said this is a republic and the backbone if a republic is civic duty. He said it goes back to the JFK thing where he said ''Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.'' He said Gary sees this as a wakeup call. He said Gary is just saying forget that, we have a very divided system. He said we all have to get involved. He said everyone should be involved.
Howard said it must be so intense for this guy. He said he could have been the greatest president but they just don't know. Hugh said that Gary feels the weight of the people dying in the middle east. He said he was talking about our dependence on oil in 1984. He said that there wouldn't have been any Afghanistan or Iraq if he was president.
Howard said the movie is called ''Front Runner.'' Hugh said that Gary liked the movie and he said that his wife is the strongest woman who he's ever met. Howard said somewhere along the road he got tempted and got powerful and gave into his needs. He said it ruined his whole life. Hugh said he's not even sure that happened. He said they had some separations. He said they never revealed if the affair happened. He didn't ask him about it. Howard said those are tough conversations.
Howard asked Hugh about doing the movie Les Mis and how he got an Oscar nomination for that. He said then Daniel Day Lewis wins every time. He asked if he ever asks what the fuck this is. Hugh said never. He said his publicist rang him the morning of and told him not bother writing a speech.
Howard said that Hugh did Wolverine and he was eating a dozen eggs a day. Hugh said he did. He said that he loves acting and there are actors who will risk their lives for that kind of thing. He said he didn't love Wolverine so much to shrink his balls. Howard said he was very veiny as Wolverine. Hugh said he's a skinny person so the veins show. He said he had to get into shape to play that role. He said he was doing push ups before doing scenes. He said he was holding things in his hands so he was all pumped up. He said that's how he got that going. He said the trainers didn't care how you were acting but they'd show how to show off all of the muscle.
Howard said it must have felt great being in shape. Hugh said it did. He said the hard thing is being in Ketosis and you have no energy. He said that you are burning fat at a really rapid rate. He said then there's the dehydration. He said you drink a ton of water the week before. He said then you stop. He said you lose 10 pounds of water weight. He said then you have sugar and then you watch your veins bursting out. He said the sugar goes right into your blood stream.
Howard said after you do the movie you must have to recover. Hugh said he probably thinks that it's easier to stay in shape than get into shape. He said that you feel like crap and feel tired. He said then he'd get down. He said he goes to the gym 4 times a week now. He said he was good at squatting and stuff but not at benching. Howard said he heard he was benching 350. Hugh said he was doing like 240 or so.
Howard said they wanted Russell Crow to play Wolverine. Hugh said absolutely. He said that Gladiator was about to come out and he thinks he didn't want to do it. He said Russell told them to look at him. He said he had done nothing at that point. He said he had done some theater and some films and he was doing Oklahoma at the time. He said he had a baseball cap on and they asked him to take it off and then they saw his hair and told him to put it back on.
Howard said he thought that the movie was about wolves or something. Hugh said he didn't know anything about X-Men and he didn't know there was even an animal called Wolverine. He said he was told to go down the road to see one at the zoo. He said that he was told to watch Mad Max to see how to play this character.
Howard said when you play Wolverine you don't have to play a wolf. Howard said his wife told him not to take the part. Hugh said his wife was going off 3 pages of the movies. He said this is the only time she's ever been wrong. He said he went to the audition and he saw who was going to be in it and said it had to be something else. Howard said you have to act. He said you don't know with these films. He said you don't know you'll end up in something like that.
Howard said he has played Wolverine so long. He said it's brilliant so why not. Hugh said he's told young actors to just say yes to anything. He said just do it and pay your rent. He said later on then make some choices. He said Michael Caine has said it. He said one in 10 is a success so say yes to everything.
Howard said he's not sure if this is true but Hugh turned down James Bond. Hugh said not really. He said he got a call from his agent saying they were interested and they were wondering if he was interested. Hugh said he took it as them just asking around and they were canvassing a lot of people. He said he rang Russell about that and asked what he thinks he should do. He said that he was told to just know what direction they were going in so he has to do something he really loves. He said that he thought that Bond needed a change and he thought that it had to go back to being tougher and all of that. He said then he saw Casino Royale and he was like ''Oops.'' He said it was really good. He said he's doing what he wants to do now.
Howard said he has been offered stuff that has gone on to be successful. He said that he's sure that Daniel Craig doesn't care that he turned it down and talks about turning it down. Hugh said Daniel is the funniest guy he's ever met. He said he makes him cry with laughter. He said he did a play with him and he's an amazing guy. He said he's so funny. Howard said he's always announcing that he's not going to be James Bond but then he comes back. Hugh said he's in great shape for that. He said that he was doing Les Mis and he was doing Sky Fall next door. He said that he was talking about how he was injured from jumping off an apple box. He said he was a foot away and injured his shoulder. He said that guy is funny though.
Howard asked Hugh about making a big deal out of turning 50. He said that he thinks he looks good for 50 but they say don't talk about your age. Hugh said he thinks he's happier now. He said he feels way better now about his age. He said he's happier now than he was when he was younger. He said he wouldn't mind going back now that he knows what he knows. He said he wants to feel comfortable in his own skin. He said he's getting there. Howard said he doesn't feel that way. He said he was giving him advice in private. He said he shouldn't listen to him. He said he's having lot of anxiety now. Hugh said he knows that he'll never get rid of it but he'll deal with it. Hugh said at 18 he took things way too seriously. He said his wife gave him 3 books to read for his 50th. He said that the three books are about childhood, family and friends. He said he was looking through it and he looks a lot happier than he was feeling at the time. He said he used to think he had to hide all of that stuff.
Hugh said he would tell Jason Reitman that he was feeling nervous about a scene and he'd calm him down. He said that he'd tell him that he'd never let him go home feeling that way. Howard said that he thought it was a dumb move for Ivan Reitman's son to get into directing. He said he remembers hearing that from Ivan and he wanted to give the kid a job doing something for him and he didn't want to do that shit. He said that he's making some really good movies. He said that he must have agreed to do this Gary Hart thing right away. Hugh said he did.
Hugh said that they don't do rehearsals so they capture everything on camera. He said Jason emails everyone telling them that things will be fine. He said that they don't care how many takes they do because he knows they'll get it eventually. Howard said Ivan told him he had to figure this shit out right away. Hugh said that worked for Howard. Howard said he also coddled him. He said he broke him down and brought him back. He said Ivan was really great. He said he owes it all to Ivan and Betty Thomas too. He said you have to feel safe when you're doing a movie.
Hugh said he loves to be able to do things in different ways. He said he likes to play and explore.
Howard said Hugh did The Greatest Showman and there was a crazy thing in the news about that. Hugh said he has had some skin cancer things removed. He said he got them removed and he had about 50 stitches. He said before he goes to the doctor for his check up every 3 months... He said he was trying to get the money for The Greatest Showman. He said he went in and they had to cut something off. He said that the doctor was going away for 10 days. He said he got this thing removed and he told him he had to sing the next day. He said the doctor told him he can't sing. He said if the blood rushes to your nose it could get infected. He said he told the director this and they thought that the workshop wasn't going to happen. He said he had to have someone sit in for him. He said he did a spoken word part of one song and then he started singing and took over. He said it was a good show biz movement. He said his nose started bleeding and he had to go get it stitched back up.
Howard asked if he was freaking out about the stitches. Hugh said not at all. He said his doctor did. He said the doctor was talking about putting fat from his belly in his nose to make it even. He said he didn't care about that. Hugh said when he was 21 he was doing okay with the women but he had to work at it. He said no one was looking at him like he was a stud. Howard asked if he's saying that there's hope for them all. Hugh said he saw his poster out there and he was looking pumped up out there. Howard said that's not his body. He said they put his head on another body for that poster.
Hugh said they went in for the fat thing and it hurt so much. He said they inject it into your nose and it burns. He said that the doctor said he had to do it every 6 months. He said he got into a little bit of a fight with the guy over it. He said he's not going to do it. He said he doesn't care about it. He said there are things he cares about but not that.
Howard said he was voted world's sexiest man. Hugh laughed and said that came out a month before a big X-Men movie came out. He said the people from People said that he was going to be asked about that more than anything else in his life. He said they were right. Howard asked why he's not hosting any award shows lately. Hugh said he did that for a bunch and he would do it again. He said you have to be not working when you do it. He said that he's been working so he hasn't had the time to do it.
Hugh asked if Howard would ever host. Howard said that's too much for him. He said that it's Hollywood congratulating themselves and that's not what he does. He said it wouldn't work.
Howard said it's weird that he and Hugh worked together at the Joan Rivers funeral. He said he was nervous about it. Hugh said he's sure he was. Howard said he got the call and he didn't want to do it. He said he went to Melissa and told her what he was going to do. Howard said Hugh was there and sang. He said that he thought he knew her. Hugh said he really didn't. He said he was in her will and she asked him to sing this song he did in a musical. He said that they weren't hanging out all the time but he did see her occasionally. Howard said they were saying that he was gay when he started to do this play where he played a gay man. Howard said he heard a guy yell out ''No Wolverine! Don't do it!'' Hugh said that was true. He said that his wife saw the show about 40 times and she could hear people whispering about him in the bathroom. She just said ''He isn't!'' when she heard the whispering.
Howard said they should do a Wolverine the Musical. Howard said that would be the best. He started to sing a song about Wolverine.
Howard said he's said it all. He said that Hugh is the greatest actor that has ever lived. He said he sings and dances. Hugh said he would call in if he ever brings that up again to argue with him. Howard said he can play such a wide range of characters. He asked if he is not the best actor that has ever lived. Hugh said not at all. He rattled off a bunch of names of actors that are great. He said if he added something about being versatile then maybe he'd be in the top 10. Howard said Joan Rivers didn't put any of them in her funeral. He said she asked him to be there. Hugh thanked her for doing that.
Howard said that this new movie is called ''Front Runner.'' Howard said he and his wife have rules about how long they're apart from one another. Hugh said that they do have a 2 week rule. He said they don't work at the same time either. He said her mom is the nicest woman on the planet. He said he loves her. He said she sat him down and got uber serious with him. He said she made him promise her four things. He said she made him promise he'd be honest with Deb. He'd never go to bed on an angry word, that he'd love her daughter as much as he can forever and he'd be a patron of the bone marrow place she worked at. He said she passed two years ago sadly. He said just be honest with the person and you can make a relationship work. He said she knows more about him than anyone else. Howard asked if he tells her everything. Hugh said always. Howard asked if he makes doody in front of her. Hugh said he does. Howard said that ruins things. Hugh said he and his wife will chant in the bathroom while he's on his Squatty Potty and she's brushing her teeth. He said Deb will doody in front of him. He said she'd hate him talking about it with Howard. Howard said if he sees her he's going to tell her not to do that. He said that he must be really in love. Robin said she told Howard there are people like that in this world. Howard said he has never seen his wife do that and she has never seen him do it.
Hugh said that his friend farted and he had never farted in front of his wife before. He said that's just so much hard work. He said his friend made him take blame for farting in front of his wife. He said that's just too much. Howard said if you're walking down the street and you see an attractive woman then you don't say anything. Hugh said two times out of 10. He said both he and Deb talk about how hot people are. He said he does edit a little bit.
Howard said he hasn't seen Hugh in 9 years. Hugh said his wife doesn't want him talking about how big his dick is. He said he thinks Howard is the best interviewer though. He said Deb loves him though. Howard said look at you. He said wait until she hears about the doody. Hugh said she'll say that he went too far.
Howard said when he was on the show last time he was very open. He said he talked about how he will get an erection in a love scene. Hugh said that Deb said that she was doing a movie early on and she asked what she should do if the guy gets a boner and the other actress said she would be pissed if he didn't.
Howard said that Ivanka and Jared showed up to his 50th birthday. Hugh said he's known them for 15 years or more. He said that they have the same group of friends and they're great friends. He said that if your friend's dad becomes president do you just dump them? He said that would be weird. He said he values their loyalty to him. He said that he'd hate to thinks that he can't say they're his friends and he's not going to dump them. He said we all have friends we disagree with on some things.
Howard said he wants him to feel free to fart in front of him. He said he thinks this is a terrific performance in this movie. He asked if he's done with Wolverine now. Hugh said he is. He said he did finish it after his conversation with Jerry Seinfeld. He said they were offering him a crazy amount of money to continue it. He said Jerry told him not to run the tank dry. He said you can really over do it. He said you leave with something left in the tank. Howard said maybe there is more in the tank. Hugh said he made the announcement with Marvel before that last film.
Hugh said if he changes his mind he'll let Howard and Robin know. Howard said please consider him for Wolverine the Musical. Hugh said he's got it.
Howard said Hugh Jackman has poured his heart out to them today. He said he put his life into this movie about Gary Hart. He said now you have to go see the movie. He said Hugh has done his job and now you do your part. Howard said that the movie opens up on November 21st. Howard asked what else he's doing. Hugh said he's doing Colbert today and a bunch of other shows like Ellen and things out in L.A. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and did a live commercial read and then said if you believe Hugh Jackman it's possible to become that good looking by just willing it. He said he just hit the gym and became good looking. Robin said that's not what he said. Robin said you have to have bone structure. Robin asked if he saw that thing circulating around with him with short hair. Robin said he looked quite handsome. She said she has it to show him. Howard said he doesn't want to see it. Robin said they had just swapped his hair for a cropped haircut. Howard said please don't do that. He said just leave it alone. He said he has enough problems. He said he needs to cover up his face. Robin said she thought the result was a good one.
Howard said he's sure she gets turned on by Hugh Jackman. Robin said she loves everything about him, not just his looks. She said she likes the kind of human being he is. Robin said he's a great guy.
Howard said he gave him some books so he better read them. He said each page has only one quote on it. He said he's not sure if it's supposed to be private. Howard gave the names of the books. He said he will read them. He said they're small.
Howard said they sent over the movie. He said this system is set up by the movie studios. He said he has the system and they had his movie Front Runner for him to watch. He said across the upper third of the screen they have Howard Stern and the date in big letters on the screen. He said that he wasn't able to see Hugh's face as Gary Hart. He said he got annoyed. He said he had to look around the big HOWARD STERN on the screen. He said the movie was so riveting that he had to watch the rest of it. He said that the movie studios are nuts doing this. He asked if they really think he's going to steal it. He asked if they think that low of him. He's not going to steal the movie.
Howard said Lenny Dykstra made a Veteran's Day clip for Robin. He said it's graphic so does she want to hear it. Robin said no. Howard said he tied in Veteran's Day with having sex with her. Howard said please listen to it. Howard said this guy was on the NY Mets and he was one of the greatest baseball players of all time. Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard played the clip and Lenny said he wants to serve Robin and her pussy. He said he's like a machine gun being rapid fire. Robin ran out of the room while the clip was playing. Robin said one of these days one of those clips might work on her. Howard said tomorrow he'll play a message to Robin from El Chapo from jail.
Robin started her news talking about Pete Davidson and his making fun of a guy who lost an eye serving in the military. Robin said Pete apologized on Saturday Night Live this weekend to Dan Krenshaw. She had some audio of Pete and Dan on Weekend Update. Robin said that the two were on Saturday Night Live together. Howard said Pete should have given the guy his eye. Robin said no one ever thought of going that far. Howard said that was nice of Dan to accept his apology. Robin said Dan also mentioned that Pete's dad was a hero and shouldn't be the brunt of silly jokes. Robin said Pete was very funny giving his apology.
Robin said Lil Wayne was the music guest on the show. She had some audio of his new music. Howard said that Halsey chick is good looking. She sings on the album and she was on Saturday Night Live with Lil Wayne. Howard asked Jason if he's not this guy. Jason said he is. He said he's a great rapper. Howard tried to get into it and said he'll watch this if Halsey is running around in that outfit that Robin described. Robin had another song for Howard to play from Saturday Night Live. Robin said Megan McCain spoke out after the Pete Davidson apology on Saturday Night Live. She said it had a great message about coming together and supporting veterans. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said Gary may have said ''While My Guitar Gently Sleeps'' instead of ''Weeps'' during that commercial. Gary said he thinks he said weeps. He asked if they have the demo of that song that Gary mentioned. Fred said he's not sure. Fred played a version that sounded like the actual recording. Howard said he didn't want to stress Fred out but he stopped the song. Fred said he's not stressed.
Robin said that was one of the most harrowing things finding out they lost one of these great minds to silliness. Howard said sometimes it doesn't matter to the public if someone slept with a mistress. Robin said back then they had to pretend that they had a perfect home life. Robin said any little glitch was something people would bring up. Robin said now it's like so what, let him be president.
Fred found the ''While My Guitar Gently Weeps'' demo that Gary had mentioned during the commercial. Howard checked it out and said that shit's cool. He said that's good and he loves it. He said he loves stuff like that.
Robin said she went to see King Kong the play for the second time this weekend. Robin said King Kong is worked by 10 people and it's about 2 stories high. Howard said he won't go. He said it's scary. Robin said she was scared. Howard said he doesn't trust anyone with that stuff. Robin said that everyone should see it. She said you can't believe it. Howard asked if planes fly around. Robin said the puppet is amazing and his eyes are so expressive. She said they do have the airplanes flying around. Howard asked if King Kong sings. Robin said not at all but he does have dialog. Howard asked if he has a big penis. Robin said she didn't see one. Howard made up a song King Kong could sing. He was singing about how he wasn't sure how he can fuck a tiny woman when his shits are the size of a city bus. Robin said there was no fucking going on. Howard said his grandfather loved King Kong. He said his mother hated it but her father loved it. He said they went every weekend to see King Kong. Howard said he'd laugh like De Niro during Cape Fear.
Robin mentioned she watched a Whitney Houston documentary. She said that Al Sharpton always gets to have it his way. Robin said that Al Sharpton started a whitey Huston protest of her when she was being played on radio. Robin said that when she died he was one of the first people to speak up and say he was stunned at the passing of Whitney Houston. Howard said that doesn't sound like him. Howard said that sounds weird to him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she thought King Kong was the worst piece of shit she's ever seen. She said that it didn't have any music in it. Howard said that's a good thing. He asked if she hated the puppet. The caller, Jill, said it was great but she's not going to a play to just see a giant puppet. She said it's not a musical. She said it's a play. Robin said don't listen to her and go see it.
Howard said he has King Kong on the phone and he's pissed at Jill. He had one of the guys in the back with a voice modulator saying she probably has a smelly box. Howard said that's not nice. Jill asked for her money back. Kong said he'll throw his feces in her face. Howard let Jill go. Kong said he's into Robin. He said he could smell her. He said she had massive breasts. He said they were perfect for him. He said they're normal sized for him. He said they could be a little bigger for him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said Richard texted her thanking her for her service for Veteran's day. Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to thank Robin for her service too. He said that people like her are what makes this country so great. He said she makes Howard great too.
Robin said she watched some of the Veteran's Day Parade yesterday and they were highlighting what Vets need when the return from service. Robin said that we all have to do more than just thank then for their service. Robin said we have to remember.
Robin read about how President Trump didn't show up at a service on Saturday remembering war vets because it was raining. Howard asked if he has anyone who advises him on that stuff. Robin asked if he thinks you can really say things to this president. Howard said you would think so. Robin said she has only heard about Sarah Huckabee Sanders going to him and telling him to lower the flag for senator McCain when he passed. Robin said he did listen to her then. Howard said he thinks that it's because of his hair not doing well in the rain. Robin said they have stopped swirling it so much lately. She said that he stood outside and got drenched recently. Howard said he thinks it's kind of like cotton candy and very thin.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he just told Hugh Jackman that the body on his movie poster wasn't his body. Howard said he did. He said that he's talked about that a bunch of times. Robin said that the poster is in the bathroom there. Howard said he is on the cover of his book for Private Parts.
The caller asked if Howard is writing a book. Howard said he's not saying anything. He said he's building suspense. He said that's all he'll say.
Robin said a female protestor approached Trump's motorcade in France and she was topless when she did it. Robin said she was wearing a sign that said ''Fake Peacemaker.'' Howard said he's sure he loved that. Robin said she's sure that Trump wanted to see that. Howard said Trump told him if he won and became president and there were protests he wouldn't mind if they were topless.
Robin read a story about the president being in a twitter war with Michelle Obama. Robin said she's promoting her new book and she was saying she won't forgive Trump for his birtherism. Robin had some audio of Michelle talking about that. Robin said Trump decided to push back. Howard asked how you push back from that. Robin had audio of Trump talking about how he'll never forgive ''him'' for what he did to the military. He said he had to come in and fix it. He blamed Obama for making this country unsafe by cutting back on the military.
Robin read a story about Michael Cohen giving a prayer for Michelle Obama. Robin said that he's hoping that her words can bring unity back to our country. Howard said that is not even a logical response. He said that she was upset about birtherism and people bought into that. Robin said a lot of people got angry over that. Howard said that's crazy. He said he didn't put any thought into what he said about the military. He said that's fucking crazy.
Robin read a story about the latest shooting after the midterm elections. Robin said a man went into a bar and killed 12 people. Robin said they say he committed suicide at the end of the whole thing. Robin said that some people are thinking he thought his girlfriend was in there. She said the guy posted about how he was insane and bored and said that you wonder why these things keep happening when all people offer are thoughts and prayers. Robin said she's not sure what he was hoping to accomplish.
Robin read a story about George W. Bush getting a Liberty Medal. She had some audio of him accepting his award. Robin said he went to see the Dallas Cowboys after that. Howard said it's good he didn't go to see the Jets. He heard how awful that game was. Gary told Howard about the game and what a beating they took. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Robin read a story about the President announcing the Medal of Freedom winners. Robin had the list of people who were receiving the medal.
Robin read a story about Kellyanne Conway whose husband is a staunch critic of the President. Robin asked what that's like to live together. Howard said it has to be miserable. He said he couldn't handle living with someone who is that opposite. Robin said the firing of Jeff Sessions brought this up. Robin said Trump asked for Jeff Sessions to resign. Robin said that there is someone in the seat filling in for him now. Robin said this Whittaker guy used to do a lot of radio and TV and he's been a supporter of Trump. Robin said a lot of people say this is a conflict of interest. Robin said Kellyanne Conway says he made the right choice about this Whittaker guy. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Robin said she also talked about her husband's arguments about Trump. She said that people argue about this kind of thing daily. Howard said she talks so fast and she doesn't answer the question. He said she should just admit it's awkward to live with the guy. Robin had some audio of her responding to Trump calling her husband ''Mr. Kellyanne Conway.'' Kellyanne had some wacky explanation for that and said that feminists are probably applauding her today. Howard said this is a legitimate question from George Stephanopoulos. He said it's fucking strange. He said that if she doesn't want to talk about it then maybe both of you should stop talking to the press. Robin had more clips of people talking about this Whittaker guy and the Mueller investigation.
Robin read a story about the wildfires going on in California. Robin said governor Jerry Brown has said the state will continue to burn. She had some audio of Brown talking about how this is the new abnormal and this is going to continue for years. Robin said the search for the missing is ongoing. Robin said 230 people are missing.
Robin read a story about George Lopez who was at a Hooter's restaurant. Robin said he's shooting a movie in New Mexico and a guy was standing outside the Hooter's waiting for him to come out. Robin said the guy referred to him as Jorge and then George tried to grab his cell phone because the guy was filming. Robin said the two were separated and now the man has filed charges against George. Robin said you just can't take the bait. Howard said that is one funny dude but he's not sure what he was doing at Hooter's.
Robin read a story about how Joe Perry went to the hospital on Saturday night after doing a show with Billy Joel. Robin said he was still in the hospital yesterday morning. Robin said he's expected to return to the road later this month. Howard said he loves that dude.
Robin said that Joe has a new solo album coming out and his song ''Quake'' is the first single. Howard said that sounds like Steven singing on there. Fred said it's Gary Cherone. Howard said he thinks Joe looks cool. He said that's part of the magic of Aerosmith. He said he likes their dynamic. He said Joe has also written so many great songs. Robin said it's odd that he started off talking about his look. Howard said he likes the way the guy dresses.
Robin read a story about the President's tweet about who is to blame for the fires in California. Robin said Neil Young has come out with a statement about Trump. Robin said Trump says it's forest mismanagement that led to this fire. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show aroudn 11:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how many years they've been doing this. Robin said its been 37 with her. Howard said that's enough. He asked how she knows that. Robin said they started in 1981. She said it's 2018 now. Howard said she's good with math. He said she's some kind of savant. He said it's a lot of moving parts with that. He said he'd have to sit down and figure it out. He said he met Fred a couple of years before that. Robin said he was doing it on his own too. Howard said he's still trying to figure out how long he's been doing it.
Howard said he'd like to say a few words about Stan Lee who was the co-creator of Marvel comics. He said a lot of little boys played sports or learned from their dad. He said Stan was like his dad because he learned a lot from him. He said that he hoped one day here would be a TV show that was like a real life comic book. He said that came about eventually. He said he was into comic books and Soupy Sales as a kid. He said that his cousin Jack Adler painted the covers for comic books so he got copies of them. He said he loved DC Comics and his cousin Jack. He said when you looked through the Stern Family tree there weren't many glamorous jobs. He said his dad was in kind of a glamorous job. Fred played Ben Stern doing his ''proper modulation'' thing.
Howard said his teacher was very happy to meet his dad because he had that job that was like being in show business. He said his cousin Jack was the man because he was really in the business. He said that Jack was treated like a bit of a star too. He said he wasn't around his cousin jack much though. He said he was older than his dad. He said he was always kind to him though. He said he'd send him a care package of all the latest comics. He would let other kids borrow them and he'd hope they'd return them. He wanted to save them. He said he hates sharing.
Howard said he loved Superman, the Flash, not Green Arrow though. He said he read it but didn't like it. He said he liked Aquaman enough. He said he liked the characters that had super powers.
Howard said Stan Lee there's always controversy with. Robin said they weren't crediting his partner in the news yesterday. Howard said that's what happens when you pass away. He said that Stan was amazing. He said he wanted to be a writer. He said he wanted to write novels. Then reality hits and you have to get a job and your dreams go away. He said that Stan's cousin had a comic book company and Stan went and filled ink wells for the illustrators and things like that. He said he rose rapidly in the organization. He said he had some writing ability too. He said he wrote Obituaries and things. He said that's what you have to learn to write if you get into journalism. He said you have to start out there.
Howard said Stan's cousin's place went under and then Stan went to work for Marvel. He said he rapidly became the publisher. He said Stan came up with a lot of characters. He said he had a lot of partners in the business. He said Stan was a driving force in it. He said he was leading it in the lean times too. He said that it was a bit sad because he never owned any of these characters. He said when you see the movies Stan wasn't getting a lot of money for what he created. He said he was an amazing guy.
Howard said he had a lot of interaction with Stan. He said that they were going to make a movie together. He said that Stan died yesterday at the age of 95. He said he had so many characters. He rattled off a bunch. Howard said that those characters add up to 22 billion dollars in the movies.
Howard said he created so many characters. Robin said she read that he co-wrote some of the characters. Howard said Stan would come up with some of the characters with a team. He said the artist would come up with panels and Stan would fill in the dialog. He said the artist would be driving the story line. Robin said he loved working with one particular guy. Howard said it was Stan and Jack Kirby who was amazing. He said it was Steve Ditko too. He said there were others too. Robin said Stan liked that one in particular. Fred played Riley Martin saying ''Willie Fistergash.''
Howard said that the characters at Marvel were kind of more real than the DC Comics were. He said that they had more realistic lives. He said that there was an adult quality to his writing. He said he thinks that's why they became more immortalized.
Howard said this clip he has from 1962 (?) is Stan Lee talking to Larry King about how he came up with Spider-Man.
Howard said he remembers the Spider-Man cartoon in the 60s. He said that he watched every one of those things but he wanted something real. He said they see now that it's a multi billion dollar industry. He said the Ramones covered the Spider-Man song. He said he didn't know that until today. He played the song.
Howard said he can't imagine what it was like for Stan to see all of these characters in the movies, TV shows, musicals and rides.
Howard had a clip of Paul Rudd talking about what a great guy Stan Lee was. Howard said when Stan was about 80 years old he called into the show and said they should talk about making a movie. Howard said he thought he was kidding. He said the idea that he was even calling into the show was mind blowing to him.
Howard said his agent knows every conversation he has. He said Gar remembers this too. He said he barely remembers the conversation he had with Stan. He said that he's had Alzheimers all his life apparently. He said he thinks he's producing himself from feeling anything by not acknowledging things. He said that what's happened in his life is that he's had amazing moments in his life and he has to soak in the details. He said that what happened was somehow Stan Lee contacted him and he had some guy he worked with. He said that it got to him that he had created all of these characters and he created a company named Excelsior. He said that he worked with some other old guy. He said they both sounded like they had one foot in the grave. Howard said they got on the phone and Stan said he was going to create a super hero character for him. He said he had some ideas he wanted to tell him about. He said this other guy was backing him up. He said he was like the cheerleader. He said that guy would get excited too.
Howard said he remembers some conference calls going down and talking about these characters. He said he wishes he could remember all of this. He said he was creating a character for him. He said he came up with a story line that was something about him being a radio guy living in a broken down shack. He said he gets visited by an alien who caught on to him through the radio waves. He said then this alien comes in and bestows some super powers on him. He said it was very involved. Howard said this wasn't young Stan Lee either. He said that he was thinking that maybe the magic was still there or maybe not. He said he created a whacked out story about a guy being bitten by a spider. He said this was the same guy and the same kind of story. He said he wasn't sure it would work. He said he thinks the thing that threw him was that comic books are very serious business. He said there has to be a believability. He said that it had to be funny or goofy because it was him. He said it was kind of campy and that's what he hated about the old Batman. He said he told Stan he didn't want to waste his time. He said he wishes he had finished the process of developing it with the guy. He said that he was so nice on the phone and so open to his ideas. He said he was full of ideas himself.
Howard said he thinks Stan was a fan of Private Parts. He said it was really heady stuff. He said he just never went on with it. He said he has a million stories like that in his career. He said he thinks about how maybe he should have done some of those things. He said he thinks Stan was kind of miffed at him over that. He said he hopes he didn't see it as an insult. He said maybe he did.
Howard said he's not sure how many phone calls they had over it. He said that it got into them making a formal business deal and all of that. He said his agent would know about that.
Howard said it was quite an honor to be thought of by Stan Lee. He said he was the loneliest kid and comic books were his friends. He said fuck you Fred, where were you?
Robin said Howard's mother got rid of his comic books. Howard said his cousin gave him every edition of every comic book. He said his mother told him one day that they got rid of them and gave them away do the boy down the block, Arthur Tobiason. Howard said it was either Robert or his brother. He said he barely knew that kid.
Howard did his mother's voice talking about how filthy dirty those comic books were. He said she made him put them in the basement. He said it was only two small piles. He said he only saved the best ones. Howard had his mom talking about giving them away. Howard said he had nothing in his room. His mother didn't let him hang anything on his walls or anything like that. He said his mother didn't want him to do any of that. He said she went off on him for having t-shirts on his bed. He did her voice talking to him about that stuff.
Howard said he just sat there and stewed when she gave away his comic books. Howard had his dad telling him to get a job at 12.
Howard said those guys who got his comics are probably millionaires from selling them. Howard said the guys gave him this clip and Mike Francesa said that he doesn't know who Stan Lee is. Howard asked if that's possible. Robin said anything is possible. Howard played a clip of Mike talking about how he doesn't know who that is. Howard said maybe that's shtick. He said he has to know about the comic books. He said Marvel is a huge thing in the industry.
Howard said it's possible he's never heard of him. He said that he has been reading about Mike in the paper lately. He said that he knows he worked with Mad Dog. He said he's at war with another sports show. He said he loves it when guys are at war in radio. He said he loves it when Bob Grant and Alex Bennett were at war on the same station. He said he thinks that was real stuff.
Howard said Mike Francesa is apparently getting into it with the guys on the same station. He said there's a lot going on with all of that.
Howard said he loved it when they were at war too. He said now he doesn't even care to be in a war. He said he's done it already. He said once you win a million wars it's over. He said there's nothing to fight about.
Howard said rest in peace Stan Lee. He said he was a loyal DC guy but he loved Marvel too. Howard said he has Batman on the phone. He said he's happy that Stan Lee is dead. Howard took the call from the guys in the back who were doing the voice. Howard spent a minute with him and then took a call from Hulk who was in mourning over Stan's death. Hulk was upset and crying in the shower. This was TV show Hulk, not movie Hulk. He had the music playing from that TV show. Howard said that was one of the first times they took that character seriously on TV.
Howard said the way he was treated as a kid was almost not human. He said that he treated his kids so differently. He said he came home and it was like going to prison. He said they'd just take his stuff away.
Howard did more of his mother's voice talking about how good he had it under her roof. Howard's mom said there were rules under her roof. She said those comic books were taking up space in the house. She said they got rid of the filthy dirty things down there. Howard had his dad talking about how they get rid of everything that's not necessary. Howard had his dad telling him he'd lucky they didn't throw him out of the house. He said he's too old for comic books. His mom was saying the comic books were full of grit.
The caller also mentioned the paper towels in the bathroom discussion that they had yesterday. He said the blowers they have now sucks in the shit air and blows it on your hands. Robin said she did that story and she's not sure how close you have to be but they're surely sucking in something in big public bathrooms.
Howard said he has a theory. He said he never touches his penis when he pees. He said he doesn't want to wash his hands. He said he thinks that he gets dirtier washing his hands. He said if he doesn't touch his penis at all then he shouldn't have to. He said if you touch things in there then you're getting germs. Howard said his penis is small so he can pull his underpants down and pee. He said he has tissues in his underpants to absorb the dribbling. He said that he's able to pull them down and presses against his balls with the underpants. Robin said she's shocked he doesn't get wet. Howard said he has to shake his penis around to get it a little long.
The caller said now he's got shit air blowing around. Howard said he hooks his penis and his underpants are holding it up. He said he doesn't use his hands. He said his penis goes back in the tissues in his underpants. He said he hasn't touched anything in the bathroom. He asked if he has to wash his hands. Robin said he has hand sanitizer with him. She said that always seems to be his go to. Howard said it is in many cases. Howard said what he's asking is if he has to wash his hands. Robin said she doesn't think so but she's not sure. Howard said doody is a different story.
Howard said Ralph wants to talk about Stan Lee. He took his call and Ralph said maybe he drips because of the way he holds his penis with the elastic in his underpants. Robin said Howard should write a song based on that. Howard said Robin got a lot of compliments about her Yoko Ono cover. Howard said Dan Foreman wrote him and said that he just wrote her a letter complimenting her. Robin said he did write her. Fred played some Robin outtakes from the songs she did. Ralph said she sounds like Elephant Boy. Ralph said he can't believe that John loved her music. Howard said he was in love. He said that he must have liked her creativity.
Howard said Busy Phillips has started a show and Emily was on that show. He said she was all covered up on that show. He said he had no interest in her when she's all covered up. He said if she's naked he'll watch her all day. He said you read the comments under the video and it's guys commenting on how ugly she is. He said that she doesn't do anything other than go up to the food stand and sit down. He said she never goes in the water but she's moving around a lot. Robin asked what this is. Howard said he has no idea. He said her job is being just about naked. Ralph asked how he found it. Howard said someone sent it to him. Gary said it was on the Daily Mail. Howard said they follow her like she's the president.
Howard said guys are writing comments underneath. He said that when they interviewed her on this Busy Phillips show she said that she's a feminist because of her breasts. Howard had some clips to play.
Howard played a clip of Emily talking about how she developed early and she's become a feminist because of them. Howard said that she also talks about walking around her house naked and things like that.
Howard said his household isn't a naked one at all. He said you won't even see him with his shirt off. Howard said he had to turn that show off when he saw it.
Howard read some comments about Emily that were posted on that Daily Mail site. There were guys saying that she's ugly. Howard said the one thing is she's hot. Howard said that Arizona senator is hot too. Robin said she's Megyn Kelly hot. Howard said she's hot. Robin said put glasses on Megyn and you have the look. Howard said he thinks she's in the league of Margot Robbie. Robin told him to stop it. That led to Howard doing his Ted Kennedy impression. He came back from the dead because of this hot woman. Fred said in 2010 she was stalked by someone so she must be hot. Robin said stop it. She said David Letterman was stalked.
Howard did his Kennedy impression for a short time talking about how hot Kyrsten Sinema is. Howard had him going on and on about this hot chick.
Howard said she's hot, bi-sexual and divorced. Howard made his jerking off sound effect. Robin said maybe they can send Senator Ronnie to meet her. Howard said he was finally jerking off to C-Span. Ralph said he was shocked she was a senator. Howard's Ted Kennedy said she looks like Margot Robbie. Howard said there's a picture of Margot Robbie in the Post today. He said that she's on page 1. He said there's all this news and the NY Post has her on a trapeze thing. Howard said they know how to sell papers. He said he didn't even read the text. He said it turns out she's sick and tired of being a woman in the movies playing a supportive role to men. He said she's almost naked on the trapeze. Howard said he's not sure who took it but it must have been someone like Annie Leibowitz. Howard read some of the article about Margot.
Howard asked Ralph what he wanted. Ralph said Stan sent him something really cool. He said it's a silhouette of Spider-Man that was like 6 feet across. He said he must have it in storage or something. Ralph said he remembers Howard telling him he got to talk to Stan Lee but he wasn't able to tell him what the discussions were about. Howard said he can't even remember a lot of what he talked about. Ralph said Howard doesn't spend time enjoying stuff like that. Robin said he needs someone with him to remember it all.
Howard said Pam Anderson was talking about the #MeToo movement and she was saying some weird things. Howard played a clip of Pam talking about how strange things can be for men and how this is paralyzing them. She was talking about going in and just getting the job if someone answers the door in a bath robe. Howard said maybe Tommy Lee did fuck her brain out. Ralph said that if someone is in a robe, maybe leave. Howard said talk to any woman who has been date raped. He said that the guy ends up being someone they knew and they get punched and raped. Howard said that it's obvious not to go into a room with a guy in a bath robe. Howard said if some guy corners you in an office when the guy is there alone don't go in there. Howard said you can't say shit like Pam said.
Howard said Pam had some things in her life that were horrifying. Gary said she claims she was gang raped. Howard said shit happens. He said that he was surprised to hear Pam saying what she said.
Howard said they should get back to talking about this hot senator. He said he has some information about her. Howard read about this Kyrsten Sinema and talked about how she came out as bisexual and things like that. Howard was making his jerking off sound with his cheek. Howard read about some of her accomplishments and how she was raised a Mormon. Howard said she must have had the magic underwear.
Howard read about how she grew up and how she had no running water in the place she lived. Howard had Ted Kennedy asking if she had an innie or outie pussy. Howard said how insulting. Howard read more details about her and he sounded more and more turned on by her. Robin read some stuff about her too and said she was the first woman to fly into combat. Robin had some other details about her.
Howard said he welcomes her to the senate. He said the next one will be Emily Ratajkowski. Howard had Ted Kennedy talking about how distracted he would have been if he was still around.
Howard said rest in peace Stan Lee. Ralph said he's going to go try to find some pictures of Kyrsten Sinema. Howard said he has his whole day mapped out. He said that he should try to get some exercise too. Ralph said when it stops raining he will. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has to end the show on time today. He said he has meetings today. He said after the show he has to take meetings to be a businessman. Robin said that they have just found out that North Korea hasn't closed their missile bases so he has to work on that. Howard said that's it. He went into his Ted Kennedy impression again and talked about what he'd like to do to Kyrsten Sinema.
Howard said he thinks he's lost his Kennedy impression. Robin said it is a little off. Howard said he's been gone a while now. Robin said it has to be like 9 or 10 years now. Howard said he should take a break and get to more stuff. He said he has a bunch of things to talk about. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Sour Shoes left a message over the weekend and he kind of misses the guy. He said he must have gotten in trouble with his parents. He just stopped calling for some reason. He said that his parents treat him like a child so they must have to punish him. Robin said they must be exhausted as parents.
Howard said Sour left a voicemail and he didn't say anything. He said he just made noises. Howard played the clip and Sour was just making George Takei sounds over music. He was laughing like George and clearing his throat like Gary. Then he was doing Richard Simmons and other sounds. Howard said this goes on and on.
Howard said he liked that. He said before that in October he left a message and it sounds like he was taking a bath at the time. Howard played that clip and Sour was singing while the water was splashing. Howard said he must be miserable not calling in.
Howard said he did call into Mike Francesa. He said Mike doesn't like him though. Howard played that clip and Sour brought up something about some players who were meeting and if you put their names together you get a Donald Palmer. Mike said that guy waited on the line for over 3 hours to get that in.
Howard said he thinks Sour is a genius. He said there was a story about Sour not calling in because of downed wires near his house. Gary said he's not sure how that affects his cell phone. Howard said his parents must be punishing him. Howard asked if Gary knows anything. Shuli did. Shuli said that Sour called him on a three way and he was prank calling a telemarketer. He said that was the last he heard from him.
Howard said he left them a voicemail in July too. He said they think it's him anyway. Howard played that clip and Sour was playing his keyboard and making his popping mouth sound. Howard said that has to be Sour. He asked who else that could be.
Howard said he's a talented man. He said there was a sighting earlier in the year when he called into WIP in Philadelphia. Howard said he called in as Gary. Howard played that clip and Sour did his Gary voice just rambling and saying ''noine'' as much as he could.
Gary said their guy had lunch with Sour over the summer and he showed up with a giant sheet cake and was handing it out to people at the deli they were eating at. Howard said it's very strange. Robin said they could send someone over to his house to check on him. Howard said he thinks they have their hands full over there at that house.
Howard said back in April Sour called into the Wrap Up Show and talked about Ronnie and Stephanie. Howard played a clip from that show. Sour was doing his real voice and not an impression. Howard said his real personality is the creepiest character he does. Howard asked how they got him to be serious. Gary said they didn't. He said they didn't know why he was being so normal. Howard asked what his point was. Gary didn't remember. Howard played more of that clip and Sour was going on and on about Ronnie moving out to Vegas with Stephanie. Howard said he's never had a girlfriend but he's advising Ronnie on his relationship. Howard said you have to spend a minute with a girl before you can give advice. Howard said that's like Benjy giving diet advice. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said this is beautiful. He said it's Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood live from Madison Square Garden. He said that this is the real deal. He said this is a Blind Faith song. Fred said it's a Jimi Hendrix song actually. Fred threw in some of Robin's singing over the song. Howard said he's not sure what he was thinking. He said he should have known it was Hendrix. Howard said he should have played guitar. He said he should have taken it seriously as a kid. He said then he could trade off lead with Eric.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has some marital issues. Howard said he's come to the right place then. He said that Sour Shoes isn't there but he'll give him some advice. Howard said he got his degree from Three Stooges university. The caller, Sean, said that they have stopped having sex after having a couple of kids. Howard said there's a shocker. The caller said that it might be more than the kids. He said that being parents gets in the way of being intimate.
Howard asked if he's still into her. Sean said he is. Howard asked if he talks to her about it. He said he hasn't said it because it's kind of obvious. Howard asked when he last tried to initiate it. Sean said this weekend. He said they tried to get into it and then the kids came into the room. Howard said there are times they can get away from the kids. Howard said they could have a date night.
Howard asked how old he is. Sean said he's 44. Howard said he must be beating off a lot. Sean said he can do it maybe once a day. He said if he had the time it might be more. Howard said he could be having sex. Sean said that it's easier to just beat off and get on with his day. Howard asked if he kisses her. Sean said they do kiss but it seems like more of a formality. Howard asked if she's super passionate in front of her friends with him. Sean said after a glass of wine or two. He said nothing happens at home. Howard said it sounds like she's not that into him anymore.
Robin said once you have kids you have to be responsible for the romance in your marriage. Howard said she's making a good point there. Howard said when he first met his wife he was super attentive and he may have to go back into that mode. He said that he has to wine and dine her and things like that. Robin said the love making has to start before bed. Howard said you have to rev them up. He said you have to try to win her over like you just met her.
Howard said what he does is jerk off to C-Span to that new Senator. Howard said how about you go home and get a babysitter for the kids and have a date with her. He said she'll be all turned on by that. He said he's not sure if he can afford it but maybe go to a hotel or motel for an hour or two.
Howard asked the guy where he is. Sean said he just pulled up in front of his office. Howard said he should text her something. He said text her that he's thinking about her right now.
Sean said that the kids also sleep in bed with them a lot. Howard said he has to put a stop to that. He said that he's sure Ronnie is pulling the hair out of his head over this. Fred did his Ronnie voice talking about what he should be doing.
Howard said he bets Ronnie would know what to do. He said he puts the TV on and puts his penis on his girlfriend's asshole. He said he lets his natural juices lube her up.
Howard had Ronnie come in to give him some advice. Ronnie asked if he tries to set up candles in the bedroom and giving her a massage. He said he can work his way in there that way. Sean said he'll try that. Howard said he can try to get his dick in here with his natural juices. Ronnie said you get some candles and get some K-Y massage oil and things like that. He said that you work your way down to her asshole and you work it really good. He said you give her a good back massage and then down her legs. He said then you do the front. He said you come close but not touch it. Robin said it's a tease.
Ronnie said you don't tell her you're going to do it. He said you just do it. He said you work your deal. Sean said he can't see Ronnie setting up candles. Ronnie said if you want to get laid you light fucking candles. Howard said he pictures his room looking like Dexter's kill room. Ronnie said they haven't done that in a long time. He said they did that in the beginning.
Robin said Ronnie is right that this guy isn't taking his time. Ronnie said he has to be naked rubbing her down. He said you get her all lubed up and you have this oil all over her. He said that warm stuff is good. He said then you put some on your dick. He said then as you're massaging her you kind of get in between her ass cheeks and you rub your dick in here. He said you get all turned on and then hopefully it works. He said if it doesn't work then get out of town.
Gary said Shuli disagrees with this completely. Shuli came in to give his advice. Howard said you're either going to fuck her or get arrested. Shuli said he's a man with two kids. He said he's not sure how Ronnie is going to save this guy's marriage. Shuli said this guy has to lighten her load around the house. He said do some dishes and some laundry. He said that she'll be turned on by that.
Shuli said you have to get her out of mom mode. He said they don't want to lay down and get a massage. Howard asked if Sean is getting this. Sean said he's got it. He said he has to step it up.
Ronnie asked if he calls her during the day asking how she's doing. Sean said he doesn't do that. Ronnie said he has to do that. He said he has to be interested in her.
Howard asked Sean who his wife looks like. Sean described her but he didn't say if she looks like anyone famous. Sean said she looks like that senator with dark hair. Howard said she probably looks like Roseanne. Ronnie said he doesn't sound very enthused at all. Sean said she's a teacher and all of the kids want to fuck her. Howard said maybe she's getting it somewhere. Sean said that there are rumors that it is going on in that school. Howard said he has to step up his game.
Howard said King of All Blacks has some advice for this guy too. Howard took King's call and King said that he doesn't think that he's into her. He said maybe she doesn't like him anymore. He said if she's out there getting coffee and some guy talks to her she's not going to tell him about that. Howard said it was a mistake picking up on him. King said she's getting it from someone out here. Sean said he doesn't think so.
King said there's a movie with a book store and some French guy. He said that's what it's like. Howard and the guys had no idea what movie he was talking about.
Howard said he doesn't think his wife is cheating. He said if she's bringing it up then she's noticing it. Howard said that he has to do some laundry or do the massage thing. Robin said you have to make a plan when you have kids.
Howard said Ronnie wouldn't put up with that. Ronnie said he can't deal with it. Howard said if he went a week without it he'd be upset. Ronnie said he can't deal with it. Fred did his Ronnie voice talking about what he'd do.
Shuli asked if Ronnie and Stephanie sext during the day. Ronnie said not really. He said they do text. Shuli asked what he last sent to her that was dirty. Ronnie said she'll do something if he's away at some appearance or something. He said she'll send him pictures. He said she'll send him a picture of her laying in bed with the dog naked. Shuli said he got that one from her too.
Ronnie said he would get that shit all the time when they were on the road with America's Got Talent. Howard said he should have showed him those pictures. Howard told Sean to go to work. He told him to get working on his wife too.
Howard said he was reading about how Mel B was upset with Victoria Beckham because she doesn't want to tour with the Spice Girls. Howard said she doesn't want to do it because she's got money and doesn't need to go out and do that.
Bobo said that they need to figure out how long you wait before you drive. Howard said you know when you come down. Gary said Brent has a beef with Bobo. He said he has graphs and stuff about this.
Brent came in and said there are some problems with these studies. He said the GDP has increased and what's going up is the vehicle miles traveled. He said that in Colorado that's what it is. He said the pot is legal there. Howard said Brent smokes weed until he passes out. Brent said he won't get behind the wheel even sober. Brent said that the studies are flawed because when they do a tox screen on them they correlate that the marijuana caused the accident if they have any amount in their system.
Brent had all kinds of stats about vehicle fatalities and driving under the influence. Howard asked Bobo what he makes of this. Robin said his toupee is on fire. Howard asked why he's for alcohol. Bobo said that you know what's in it. He said you know what's in alcohol but not what's in pot.
Howard said on the phone is Brent who agrees with Brent. One of the guys in the back does an impression of Brent that's spot on. He had fake Brent telling him that he agrees with Brent completely. He was smoking while they were talking. He was also making a citizen's arrest with someone who threw their garbage in the wrong bin.
Real Brent was giving more stats and Bobo said there was an accident in Texas last year that caused 13 people to die and the driver was under the influence of marijuana. He said case closed. Brent said the case isn't closed. Bobo said look at the studies about what's happening in the states where pot is legal. Bobo said that the pot is different for people because you don't know how much you're taking in. Brent said that's not true because in the states where it is legal they do have that stuff listed.
Robin said Bobo doesn't have enough sense to have this argument. Bobo said he does too. Bobo said he met with families who have lost people. Howard asked what families he's met with. Bobo said he met with people who lost loved ones who lost people to alcohol and marijuana. Fake Brent had things that Brent might talk about with Bobo.
Gary said that Shuli says that Bobo claims that he had people cry to him after taking his classes and thanked him for saving their lives. Bobo said he has advice for people that has saved lives. Bobo said he tells people that you don't gun it through a yellow light. Brent said that he learned that when he was 15 years old. Howard said the Beatles want to sing a song. He played a song parody about Bobo to the tune of a Beatles song.
Howard said they say that Florida had the most car accidents in 2016 and weed isn't even legal there. Bobo said they don't have their road tests on the road. He said they have it in a closed course. Bobo said it's ''ridicilus.'' Howard asked what's up with that ''ridicilus.'' Bobo claims that it's his accent. Howard said that's no accent.
Howard said he has to go. He said he thanks Bobo for his arguments. Bobo said that Shuli has his top awards. Howard said that's enough of that. He said he'll be back after a quick break.
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The caller brought up Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and asked if he thinks that the one from Arizona is hotter. Howard said they're both attractive but the one from Arizona is hotter.
Howard went through some email and read about someone who watched Bodyguard on Netflix. Robin said she was trying to find that and she wasn't able to. Howard said it's a good show and it's a British show. Howard said watch it, it's good. Robin said she tried texting Howard and he never sees them. Howard said he found it yesterday. He said he feels it's Robin's fault.
Howard said he got some email about people who love Live PD like Richard does. He had some praise from the Richard and Benjy stunt video where Benjy grabbed Richard's penis. Howard had some praise for Robin's cover of Yoko's music. Howard said he likes Robin's singing better because she has more power in it. He said he feels that her accent is very good too. Fred played some of her stuff.
Howard said Robin also got praise for her narration in that basketball movie. He read some of those emails. There were people writing in thanking Robin for her service in the military and on the Howard Stern Show.
Howard read some email about Jeff the Drunk and how he should get a job. Howard said some people wrote in about Shuli busting Jeff's balls. He said Shuli has that impression down as well as the Tan Mom impression.
Howard said he has a tan Mom game to play. He got a caller on the line and asked if he wanted to play. The caller, Mason, said he would like to play. Howard said he has the Tan Mom game and he can win an SVS Sound System. He played her song to get into it. He said they played this the other day. He said they asked Tan Mom sex questions and you just have to say if she knows the answer or not. The caller said he heard the segment the other day. Howard said they asked her what the missionary position is. The caller said that's when a dude is on top. Howard said that's right. He said this is a test question. Mason said he's going to say she did know. Howard said don't get nervous because this is a test. Howard said Tan Mom said this. He played her clop and she said that Missionary is when you look for an opportunity.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom what Gonorrhea is. Howard asked Mason what he thinks the answer is. Mason said no way she'll know. Howard played her answer and she said that Gonorrhea is a disease that spreads such as AIDS. Howard said she knew. Robin said not really. Howard said it is an STD. Robin said that's not what she said. Robin said that it's curable unlike AIDS. Howard asked for a ruling. He said he thinks Mason got it wrong. He said that he's not at the end of the line yet.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she knows what popping a cherry means. Mason said there's now way she'll know that one. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said that it's when a man makes a woman cum but it's the most awesome experience.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom what a sphincter is. Mason said there's no way she'll know that. Robin agreed. Howard asked if Robin knows. Robin said she does. Howard played Tan Mom's answer and she said that it's a man's penis. Howard said he has two left and he wins the speaker system.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom what cow girl is. Robin said that's a sex position. Mason said that's his favorite. He said that's when a girl is on top facing you. Howard said reverse cow girls is when she's facing away from you. Howard said he'll take anything close. Howard said you have to think like you fell down a well and spent 3 days down there. He said Tan Mom claims that's what happened to her. Howard asked Mason what he thinks. Mason said no. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said cowgirl is a woman that wants to have sex with a horse. Howard said Mason just won. He said that was easy. Howard played a Tan Mom song parody to celebrate his win.
Howard asked Mason what he's going to do with this speaker system. He said Gary has his hooked up. Gary said he has his hooked up where he listens to vinyl. Mason said he'll probably hook it up to his computer. Howard asked how exciting this discussion is.
Howard put Mason on hold and asked if Tan Mom knows what head is. Robin said she must. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom did know it. Howard asked if she'll know what incest is. Robin said yes. Howard said he doesn't think she would. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said it's when someone touches someone in your family.
Howard asked if she knows what a rim job is. Robin said she knows it because of Howard. Robin said that's hewn you tickle someone's ass with your tongue. Howard told the guys to isolate that. Robin said Tan Mom won't know. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said that's when a man goes around a woman's clitoris.
Howard asked if she'll know what the expression bare back is. Robin said no. Howard said he's with her on that. He played Tan Mom's answer and she said that's when a man is on top and you're bent over. Robin asked how she gets through life.
Howard asked if she will know what a motorboat is. Robin said that she will not. Howard said Robin must have had that. Robin said someone tried to do it on the air. Gary said Sam Kinison tried to do it once. Robin said he did not. She said Tan Mom won't know it. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said it was when a man dives on top of a woman and pounds her.
Howard asked if she'll know what tossing a salad is. Robin said that's ass play. Howard said that's right. Robin said Tan Mom will not know. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said that's when they put food on their bodies and eat it off.
Howard asked if she gets any of them right. He said she must know what Camel Toe is. Robin said maybe but she's saying no. Howard said she has to know this one. Fred agreed. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said that it's at the bottom of a foot. Howard said she doesn't know anything.
Howard said she has to know what a French kiss is. Robin said she has to. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said that's when a man and woman have kisses with their tongues.
Howard said she has to know what an orgy is. She knew that one too. Howard said he's had enough after that one. He said that he's not feeling so sexy now. Robin asked if it's less sexy with her or Ronnie. Howard said he wants to run and hide from Ronnie.
Howard said he read that one of the jurors was in tears after being selected. He said he thinks that was in the NY Post. He said you have to get off the jury somehow. He said you just say you're a Michael Jackson impersonator. Gary said they put someone in a Star Trek uniform on a jury years ago for a case. Howard said he would not want to sit on this jury. He said he would start picking his asshole and eating his boogers to get off of that jury. Robin said she thinks that the evidence should just be presented to a judge.
Howard said there is a juror who was in tears over being picked. Howard read about it in the paper. He said he'd get out of that any way he could. Howard said he'd claim that he's Tan Mom. Howard said he really does have to end the show on time today. Howard played a Tan Mom interview bit before going to break.
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Howard said he did watch Saturday Night Live to see Halsey. He said she's hot. He said Robin didn't describe what she was wearing properly. Robin said she did too. Howard said she's really hot. He said get that fucking camera off Lil Wayne. Robin said he's the star. Howard said he saw Halsey and some guy yelling while she was trying to sing. Howard asked Jason if he has anything to say about Lil Wayne. Jason said not really.
Howard said it's time for some news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard said that was sent in by Puss Malone.
Robin started her news asking if he's raking leaves. Howard said he doesn't. He said it's better if you don't rake them. Robin said that they could mean a slippery roadway or walkway. Howard said he sees guys blowing them into the street. He said it must be good for the environment. Robin said it helps keep the nutrients in the soil. She said that they say that it also leaves the grass protected from the cold. Robin said you won't get strained muscles from raking. Robin said it will also protect bulbs. Howard said he likes the natural look and not this manicured look that people seem to want. Robin said that the place they don't want leaves is in the gutters.
Robin asked if it's better to know a little bit about everything or a lot about one thing. Howard said that's a good question. He said he thinks it's better to know a lot about one thing. He said that Ronnie is an expert in pussy and that's not so good. He said he's going to go with knowing a little about a lot of things. He said he's not sure about that either. He was going back and forth. He gave up and said he doesn't care. Robin said the answer is that knowing a wide variety of things is the best. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a new Amazon headquarters moving to Long Island City, New York. Howard said he read that Governor Cuomo wanted it really bad but some people thought it would be bad for the state. Robin said they think that more passengers will be on the subway and things like that. Howard said he thinks that it will bring in jobs. Robin said there will be a lot of jobs and an increased tax base. Howard said he thinks Cuomo made the right choice there. He said he knows it's more traffic but everyone wants more jobs.
Robin read a story about Stan Lee passing away. She had some details about Stan passing away at the age of 95. Robin said he had some illnesses in the past few months including pneumonia. Robin had some comments that people like Mark Hamill, Patton Oswalt and Gene Simmons made about Stan. Robin had a bunch of other people who said some words about Stan. (The show cut out around this time for about a minute)
Howard was talking about Sour Shoes and playing a clip when the show came back. He had a clip of Sour leaving a voicemail and it was a half hour long. He said it's brilliant.
The caller (Pocket) asked Howard if he ever sat and talked to Sour on the street. Robin said he runs from him. Howard said he once told him that if he showed up again outside he'd never be on the show again.
Robin said Gary's article was about the console. Robin said it's one of those memory things that he had about this stereo he'd sit in front of and listen to records on.
Howard said he has Gary Dell'Abate on the phone now. He had the guys in the back playing clips of Gary talking about his love of vinyl and giving long answers about what he liked learning about bands from the liner notes. They had long clips from Gary's audio book that they were playing. Howard said he has to get out of this.
Robin said that people like to be able to touch a record. Howard said he knew a girl in radio a hundred years ago and she lost her mind. He said she was bipolar or something. He said they found her nude and she was rubbing vinyl against her nude body. He said he bets Gary has done that. Howard said hey polled record store owners and asked if people call it ''pieces of vinyl.'' He played a clip of Sal talking to store owners who said no one calls it pieces of vinyl.
Robin read about how Gary was talking about opening up piece of vinyl and putting them into this ''console'' and listening to the records. Howard let out a sigh. Howard said Gary says ''pieces of vinyl'' twice in that article she's talking about.
Howard said he has to proof anything he writes. Robin read more of this article that Gary was quoted in. She said that he talks about getting up and walking around his house when he has his Sonos playing. Robin said he likes to go into the attic to listen to this console thing. Howard said he's not sure what to say about that. He said he got angry about that article. He asked if it makes Robin angry. Robin said yes it does. She said Mary wants to get rid of all of this stuff. Howard said he wishes she'd just go up and push it all out the window and have the garbage men take it. Howard played a song parody about Gary but then cut it off saying he's not going to pile on.
Howard took another call from the Gary drops. They had Gary rambling on and on about various bands and songs.
Robin said they have a picture of the console in this article. She said it's so dated. Howard said that's what Gary likes. He said he's into old radios. He said that attic must be something. Robin was going on and on about the article and Howard said she has to stop because it's making him sick. Gary said he brought that console to his mother's nursing home room because he wanted her to have something that made her feel at home. Howard said his poor mother. Gary said it fit in perfectly.
Jason came in and said that this is a whole room of crap. He said it's not just a piece of furniture. Howard took a look at it and said that's horrible. He said they have to take a break. He said he never wants to talk about this topic ever again. He said they should put that console in Gary's office. Robin said there's no room. Howard said how about they take Gary out of there and replace him with the console. They went to break after that.
The show returned seconds later in the middle of Howard doing a Bill Clinton impression. Something went wrong with the live feed so the whole break was missing.
Howard was doing the Bill Clinton impression and talking about this new senator, Kyrsten Sinema, from Arizona.
Robin read a story about Trump kicking out a CNN reporter from the White House last week and now CNN is suing. Robin said they want their pass back. Howard said the press is the most vital part of our democracy and they should have access. Howard said every president has hated the press but they realize it's important and you have to accept it. He said you can respond to them but you can't kick out reporters. Robin asked if he saw what happened last week. Howard said he did. Robin said they claimed that he put his hands on her. Howard said he saw it and he didn't put his hands on her. Robin said that's why CNN is suing. Howard said he has Sarah Sanders on the phone to talk about Jim Acosta. Howard let fake Sarah talking about how he's going to have to get his pass from her sticky twat if he wants back in. Howard spent a few minutes talking to fake Sarah about the Jim Acosta thing. Howard asked if she gets crazy in the bedroom. Sarah said she'll wrap her legs around his face and blast a queef in his face. Howard let her go a short time later. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the wildfires going on out in California. Robin said people are being evacuated. Robin said Miley Cyrus lost her home to the fire. Robin said Neil Young also lost his home. She said that Gerard Butler also lost his home and posted images on Instagram.
Robin read a story about Sandra Bullock putting up $100,000 to help animals displaced by the fires out there. Robin said that they're saying that utilities might be responsible for starting the fire. Robin said that the utilities commission is going to take a look to see if they were the cause.
Robin read a story about Pope Francis saying that we have to invest in peace, not war. Robin said she's had some people say that to her. She said that she has a friend who was in the Pakistani army and he said this is not the way to peace. She said that we have monetized war and that's not the way to peace. Howard said look at her friends.
Robin read a story about El Chapo and said that he was able to find a lawyer with the millions he has. Robin said he will get a fair trial according to this article. Robin said that it's going to cost him at lest $5 million. Howard asked Robin about the Pakistani friend and Fred played the song he plays for anything they talk about with someone from that part of the world. That got Howard laughing.
Robin read a story about Petco not selling any dog or cat food that contains preservatives. Robin had more details on that.
Robin read a story about a designer who is going to stop using furs because of the way animals are killed to get them. Howard said it's about time. Howard said they do make fake furs. Robin said they say those are plastic and that's even worse.
Robin read about how Covergirl is stoping their testing of makeup on animals. Howard said it's about time for that too.
Robin read a story about how Amazon Alexa is going to be a witness in a murder. Robin said she sees her's doing things so she'll ask it what it's doing and it will tell her it's collecting data to get smarter. Robin said this case in New Hampshire is going to ask for data from Amazon that the Echo may have collected.
Howard said this guy called in and said that things will get better for that guy who called in earlier about not getting sex. The caller actually said it's never going to get better. He said that you get the 7 year itch, the 11 year itch and then the woman gets allergic to your penis for the rest of your life. Howard let that guy go.
Robin read a story about a bunch of high school kids who gave the Nazi salute in a class photo. Robin said they're looking into that and some of the kids are saying it was a Nazi salute and some kids followed along not knowing what was going on. Robin said the photographer claims he asked the to wave to the camera and he doesn't believe they were doing a Nazi salute. Howard said Mel Gibson has agreed to speak at their graduation so some good came out of that.
Robin said the Macy's day parade is coming up. Howard said he doesn't like parades. Robin said there are going to be some kids who will get to see the new floats in New Jersey. Robin read about some of the floats they get to see. Howard had a bit where they had a George Takei float wandering off into the brambles.
Howard said he did bring his youngest to the parade when they were doing the prep. He said that was the night before the parade. He said he didn't think they were safe so they went home. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started the show doing his George Takei ''Dry oatmeal'' impression. He said he eats dry oatmeal. Howard said good morning to Robin and Fred. Fred did his George impression too. Howard asked why he said he wanted dry oatmeal. Robin said he was phlegmy one morning and when he commented on it then he said he eats dry oatmeal.
Howard said he's very excited about today. He said they're going to clean out their computer today. He told Sal to take that smile off his face. He said this is very serious. Howard said what they're doing today is cleaning out the computer. Robin said that's stuff he should have gotten to but he didn't. Howard said because they're an advanced radio show they have everything included in their computer. Howard said he has endless pages of things in his computer that might make people laugh or think. He said he forgets to get to them so he asks the staff to go through it and pull out the stuff he should have gotten to.
Howard said today's panel is Gary Dell'Abate. He asked what he will be presenting today. Gary said Sal the Stockbroker is in the horse business and he's a spokesperson for this horse. He said he will talk about that. Gary said that Sal embarrassed the show in front of a whole audience of TV watchers.
Howard said Sal is also in the studio. Sal said he'll be talking about the MTA and people being upset about it. Howard said Jason is also there. Jason said he has some ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' clips to play. He said it's still going strong. He said he thinks they're in year 3 of that. He said it still lives and it started as a goof on Jon Hein. He said it went to a term of endearment and now it's given Jon a new life. Jon didn't think that was the case. Howard asked if he appreciates it at all. Jon said he doesn't mind it at all. He said it's all about the intent. He said he doesn't care when the fans do it. Howard said that Jason started doing it to goof on Jon and now its taken on a life of it's own.
Howard said Jon Hein is also in and what will he be covering. Jon said he has some sports stuff to cover. He said he has some Bill Walton stuff to play. He said Bill Walton is supposed to talk about sports but he never does.
Howard said Chris Wilding is also in. He asked what he has. Chris said he has some homeless people clips to play. JD was in and he said in L.A. they have car chases a lot and the news stations follow them. He said there was one that fooled the stations so he has clips of them reporting on the wrong car. Howard gave that one a ''Hmm.''
Howard asked Richard what he has for them today. Richard said he and Sal went out and told people that the mayor was cracking down on men who have big bulges so he'll play those clips. Howard asked Fred if he's excited. Fred said he is. He played the horn of happiness.
Howard said he's been sitting on this package for a few days. He said that one of their guys, Jonathan Blitt, went out and did a bit. He said he went out and interviewed Benjy while he was running. He said that Benjy has been on the show for like 25 years now. He said that he hears such resentment from this guy toward him. He said Benjy is running and he must be in a weakened condition. He said that they thought it would be funny but it turned into something deeper. He said he was supposed to jog 3 miles and he only made it 1/4 of a mile before he had to stop. Howard said his interviews end up being shtick but not this one. He said this one got real. He said the running was the least interesting thing. He said it turns out Benjy is a very angry person.
Howard played the clip and they asked him what his dream job is. Benjy said that he would like to interview people in a sit down interview. He said he'd like to do stand up. Benjy said if he was 12 years old it's cute but this is what he's talking about at his age. Jonathan asked what's stopping him. Benjy said he'll do it.
Howard said it was interesting that he was asked what he'll do when Howard retires and he said that it doesn't have to be after he retires. Howard said if he wants to interview people he could be doing it. He said he never does it on Facebook.
Howard asked where Benjy is. He said he's not sure why he's 50-something and not doing stand up. Gary said he has done it before but not on a regular basis. Benjy came in and Howard told him he's never heard him so real. He said he's been there 25 years and he's a comedy writer. He's not doing stand up. Howard said that's like him saying he wants to be a doctor. He said he's not stopping him from doing it. Benjy said they did that interview for hours. Howard said it was 6 months ago too. Benjy said he thinks his life is better but just a tiny bit. Gary asked if he has done stand up. Benjy said he has. He said it's very limited. He said he's done it at places Howard wouldn't know. Howard said tell the truth, he hasn't done it. Benjy said he did it at the Black Cat Cafe on the lower east side. He said the problem is that he gets recognized. Chris asked if he was doing improv or stand up. Benjy said it's stand up. Chris said he heard his shtick was that he had 4 hats and that was his joke. Benjy said he has taken classes in the past 6 months and he did some improv at an open improv night. Howard said that's all he wanted to know.
Howard said on this interview show he wants to do why doesn't he interview people on Facebook. Howard asked why he's not losing weight. Benjy said he knows what to do to lose weight. Howard asked why he doesn't interview anyone. Benjy said he worries about perfectionism. Jason asked where that anger comes from. Benjy said he doesn't remember what it was from. He said he thought he was going to be made fun of or something.
Howard said he can't get control over his life. He said he binge eats at home. He said he even drinks the water in bean cans. He played another clip from that interview. Benjy told Jonathan about eating beans and drinking the water from the cans. Howard said he's fat and not even enjoying himself. He said he should get some food that he enjoys. He asked if he ate the can too. Benjy said it's out of laziness.
Howard said he knows that if you can't sleep then just eat something good. He said he must fart and shit like crazy. Benjy said that's one benefit of living alone. He said he can let out some loud things. Howard said Benjy eats so much food.
Howard said Benjy has a lot of anger about the office there. He said he's not happy about how he has pigeon holed him there. Howard played another clip of Benjy going off on him about the way he treats him there. He was getting upset about Howard saying it's all shtick. He said he hates feeling confined and pigeon holed.
Howard said if he wants to contribute to the show there are 25 ways he can do it. He said he has to be prepared. He said he could call in as a character or something or come in with facts about something. He said there are so many things he could do. He asked why he's pigeon holing him. Gary asked if he takes any responsibility for it at all. Benjy said he is responsible for his life. Gary asked why he's mad at them. Benjy said when people treat you a certain way you get mad at them.
Howard said if he comes in on the show and he thinks he's dying he's going to tell him to get out. He said he can't afford to have him in there hitting the mark. Benjy said he gets it. He said often that's the go to plan. Gary said it's not happening now because he's on his best behavior. He said that's why it's going well. Benjy said he always answers questions.
Jason said that he works in the back office and he's wondering why he feels confined. He asked what that means. Howard said he thinks he wants to walk in on the air anytime. He said that doesn't happen for anyone. He said he's not getting what he wants but that's the show.
Benjy said that Howard gets upset about doing live commercial reads. Howard said only if he's tired he may say something. Benjy said that he wants to eat cans of beans on the air.
Howard said Benjy is still upset about not being on the Wrap Up Show. He played a clip of Benjy talking to Jonathan about that. Benjy said he has been on the show a bunch of times and he did great. He said if they don't want him on it then fine.
Gary said that they have 3 people on the show already. He said they have a guest sometimes and they can't have that many voices in there. He said Benjy tends to derail things on the show. He said that he'll jump in just to move it away from what they were talking about and it's not easy. Howard said there's your answer.
Benjy said they used to be allowed on that show but Howard put a stop to that. He said he's asked to be on it a few times and they have had him on. Gary said he wants to be full time though and that doesn't work. Benjy said he wanted to be on after he grabbed Richard's penis. He said he has a beef with Jon now. He said that Jon has said he loves him on the show. Jon said he does. Benjy asked what happens when he asks to be on. Jon said he has said no and he thinks that some of it would be better on Howard's show. He said that sometimes he does derail things and sometimes he thinks he can't help it. He said he has done that to guests and he doesn't think it works. Benjy asked if he can come on this week. Gary said he's not sure what his point of view is.
Howard said Benjy was very honest about who he doesn't like on the staff. Howard played a clip of Benjy talking about how much he dislikes Jason, Robin, Gary and Fred. Benjy said that they all treat him like shit.
Howard said Benjy knows that Fred is going to goof on him when he comes in. Fred did his impression of Benjy and said that Benjy isn't specific about what they do to him. Benjy said he treats him with a lot of disdain. Fred said he's not being specific. Benjy said it's most people there who treat him that way. Howard said he has to tell him something. He said he wants to help him. He said he's worked there for 25 years. He said if he thinks he's handing out charity there then he's wrong. He said they don't just give people jobs if they don't do their work. He said there is no disdain.
Robin said they hardly see Benjy. She said she's not sure where this is coming from. Howard said if he wants to be on the Wrap Up Show he has to produce something like a good phony phone call. He said this is how you get things done.
Jason said he thinks there is a lot of disdain there. He said that Benjy is the one who has disdain. He said that he thinks they're keeping him from doing all of this stuff there.
Gary said that Benjy used to go out and produce things for the show but that all stopped. He asked what the reason is. He said he was loved there. Benjy said he has much more passion for having dialog with people. Howard laughed. He said that's not what he wanted. He said when Benjy gets upset he gets blotchy. He said he has to take a look in the mirror. He said his blotch is pulsating. Fred played a pulsing sound.
Jason asked why he doesn't show up to more meetings to get more things going. He said he showed up for the first time in a long time the other day and it was exciting. He said that they like him and he always has ides. Howard asked if he feels pigeon holed by that. Benjy said no but it's tough not to look bitter when you're upset with people.
Howard said this was very enlightening. He said he thinks Benjy is confused. He said he should take pride in what he does and do some stuff. He said if he's not going to do it outside the show then do it on the show. Benjy said he would love to interview more people there. Howard said do it and submit it as a package for the air. Benjy asked if one of the guys would be interested in that. Gary said that's great but don't go to a celebrity and just do it.
Robin said she's got no disdain for Benjy. She said that she just comments on what he's doing on the show. Howard said when he's doing the show he's thinking about what the guys at home are doing. He said that he may not like where Benjy is going and he'll tell him to get the fuck out of the room. He said it's comedy and it's time to go. He said here are ways to avoid that.
Gary said he thinks that sometimes he has some interesting premises but Howard may not want to go there. He said he wanted to come in and talk about Obama and his birth certificate. He said he didn't let him in. Howard said he has proven he's not from Kenya. He said he would have fired Gary if he had let him in there about that. Benjy said he thought it was out of line for Michelle Obama saying that Trump was endangering her family by bringing that up. Howard said that's how she feels. Howard said you don't know the kind of threats they may have gotten over that. He said this isn't that kind of show. He said they don't want to argue about that.
Howard said he knows Jimmy Fallon a little bit and if one of his writers said he wanted to do stand up he'd just tell them to go do it. He said he's all open to it. He said just go out and do it.
Robin said they talked to Memet about this last week. Benjy said he thought Memet did really well. Howard said he thinks he figure him out. He said he's been on the show for 25 years or so and maybe he should go work for a comedy show to be happy. He said he should throw himself into it.
Benjy asked if he has any dreams he hasn't accomplished. Howard said he does. He said he'd like to be a great painter. He said he works at it. He said that's it. He doesn't bother anyone with it. Benjy said he could say that Howard is on the air complaining about not being allowed to paint. Jason said that he's not saying that's his dream job. Howard said he just wishes he could be good at some things. He wishes he could power lift.
Howard said Benjy worked here for 20 years and he should take over and do some interesting things. He said he gave him a lot of air time with this. He said he senses that the audience wants this to end. Benjy said he'll leave if he wants him to. Howard said he does. He said he did well.
Howard called Benjy back and played a montage of Benjy grunting, coughing and wheezing while he was running.
Howard said he has Ralph on the line. Ralph said that Benjy is trying to do all of this shit that no one is interested in. He said he's a writer and he's not at the writing meetings. He said he should be doing that stuff. He said he should do what he's good at and do it for the show. Howard said he has told him to throw himself into the job. Robin asked if they're treating him with less respect than he deserves. Benjy said maybe. Howard asked what sound Fred was playing. Fred said it's a Benjy clip. Benjy didn't think it was him.
Richard asked if he would be willing to drink bean juice that he pours over his cock and balls. Benjy asked if he has a can of beans there. Richard said he's sure he could find one.
Howard said he doesn't think that other shows like Fallon and Kimmel let their writers skip their writing meetings. Howard said he has accepted that he's not going to be a music star or a host of a late night show. He said he likes radio. Benjy said he's acting like he was letting out his frustrations at work. He said he was asked about this stuff. Ralph said he's taking out his frustrations on other people.
Howard asked why he hates Jason so much. Benjy said he likes Jason and he'd like to get to know him better. The guys said he's had 20 years to do that.
Benjy said he loves Robin too. Jason said this is bullshit. He said he has to run again to get upset. Howard said he had a list of people he hates there. Gary said he thinks that he wanted to put Howard on that list too. Howard said he's sure he did. Howard asked if he hates himself. Benjy said yes. He said he also loves himself.
Ralph asked Benjy what his dream job was years ago. Benjy said it was the same as he answered there. Jason said Benjy begged to get into the studio. He said he got in there and he lost it. Benjy said he didn't beg. Gary said he did beg. Jason said he'll pull clips if he wants to.
Howard asked Benjy to save Fred or Robin from a sinking ship. He asked who he would save. Benjy said that he would save Robin. Howard said okay. He asked about Fred or Gary. Benjy was giving a long answer and said Gary. Ralph said Fred got lucky again. Howard said he has another one for him. He said Jason or Gary. Benjy said he would pick Gary. Ralph asked about Howard or Robin. Benjy said he'll jump out of the boat and save both of them.
Howard asked Benjy if he has a social life at all. Benjy said he's doing better than he was. He said he's had some dates. Gary asked when he had sex. Benjy said it's been several months. He said it's like 8 months. Howard said he's glad to hear that. He said he thinks he was on a tear and now he's backed off. Benjy said it's not a voluntary thing. Howard said he thinks it's good that he's maturing and not going to places and having random sex. Benjy said he would welcome that. He said he is trying to get to sleep earlier and things. He said he's gone on real dates too. Ralph said Craigslist also turned that stuff off. Benjy said he has tried other things to find people. Howard asked if he goes on Tinder at all. Benjy said he goes on Bumble that's the same kind of thing. Howard asked if he has shown up to someone's door. Benjy said those are more for dates. He said he has gone on dates. He said before they meet him they're excited to meet him. He said he uses good pictures of himself on the apps.
Ralph told him to show the picture he uses. Howard asked if he uses Rya. Benjy said he would if he could get on it. He said he'd like to be turned down by celebrities too.
Howard said he has a good hour of air time and he hopes the audience liked it. Howard took a call from a guy who said they were sucked into the vortex. He said he wishes that Gary and the guys would lock him to his chair and not let him up. He said that he's like King Kong or Mighty Joe Young. He said that he should only be allowed to touch his nose to an intercom to throw in a joke. He said this was fucking horrible having him in the studio. He said he bitches and bitches and it's about him having one of the greatest jobs in history. He said there are a billion podcasts of guys who had writing jobs and went off to do other things. He said that Benjy has no network of people.
Howard said that he's thinking of hiring this guy. He let him go and took another call from a guy who said Benjy should spend a month writing instead of trying to get on other shows.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked him to get Benjy off the air. He said you know Benjy is lying when you ask him about something and he can't just answer it. He said they asked him about doing stand up and he couldn't answer it. Howard said he thinks they had their fill of Benjy. Benjy asked what he thinks he lied about. Robin said how about giving this guy Benjy's number. Benjy said he would like to interview this guy. The caller said he'd do it. The caller said the best part of Benjy was when Howard kicked him out of the studio.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to kick him out of there and leave his ass. Howard said the tribe has spoken. The caller said he's a fat retard. Howard said Benjy has a bunch of people to interview now. Howard said it's time for his segment to be over. They played a song parody about Benjy after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's got the biggest charity there. Howard said it's not a charity. He said the guy does a job there. He said he wishes that he was more productive or engaged. The caller said next time he's complaining he wants him to sit in his seat. The caller said this last thing he wants to hear is this bloated and patchy guy complaining about this stuff. He said he's all about himself. Howard said he tried. Benjy said he did. Howard said if he blames him for this then he's wrong. Benjy said he thought this went well. Howard said he did too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Benjy has a lot of resentment toward the group there and it's a toxic relationship. He said that throws him off. Benjy said he feels good about today. Howard said he wants him to turn into a beautiful, blotchy butterfly. He said that he wants to let him go now. He told him to go drink bean juice. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he spent yesterday listening to the White album demos. He said that it's amazing. He said you hear how they put songs together. He said that album is so good. He said it's the 50th anniversary album. Gary said it's 6 CDs. Howard said it was really good.
Howard told Gary to get back to this Sal stuff. Gary said Sal owns a piece of this horse. Sal said it's 5 percent. He said they gave it to him. He said he has made a little bit of money from it too. Howard said now it's Gary's turn to goof on Sal.
Gary said Sal goes into Stockbroker mode where he goes into this zone and he doesn't really say anything. He said he's really insincere about things. Gary had Howard play a clip of Sal talking about this horse in an interview. Sal said that for once in his life he's at a loss of words. He said he thinks it's the power of positivity. He said they bet on love and Sal the Turtle is all about love. He was going on and on about how great this horse is.
Howard said he really was rambling there. He asked Robin what he even said. Sal said that Gary pulled a lame clip. Howard said he pulled the right clip. Sal said it was a standard interview and he didn't embarrass the show. He said he was talking about positive stuff. Jason said he vamps for 20 second and then comes up with one little thing. Gary asked if he loves horses as much as he says he did. Sal said he grew up with horses. He said his dad took him to the OTB. He said he didn't go bowling with his dad. He said that's what they did.
Gary said Sal is like a plug machine. He said that he was going on and on about plugs and then points out that the camera man is really hot. Howard played a clip of Sal singing a song for the woman who was interviewing him. Sal was talking about everyone he wanted to thank and then thanked the interviewer and the sexy camera man. Sal said everyone should be involved in horse racing. He said that it's a great family thing.
Howard said it's not the Oscars. He asked if Sal hears what he was doing. He said this is why he doesn't want his name associated with these appearances. Howard asked what the hell he was doing there. He said he was embarrassing. Gary said his singing wasn't that awesome either. Howard said he doesn't want him appearing and using his name. He said just stay in your house. Sal said he never says his name. He said it was a cable channel and they mentioned it. Gary said Sal embarrassed himself in front of a lot of people. Sal said it does make him cringe but he's not embarrassed. Howard said Sal is thanking everyone. He said he's being a bore.
Gary said Sal loves anything he's in front of at that moment. Sal said that's not true. Gary said both he and Sal spent a lot of time at the OTB. He said you just watch the horses on TV. Howard said his dad did it too. He said that he went to the track actually. He said he didn't just go to OTB. Gary said it was a bunch of guys in a room chain smoking. He said they'd stop there on their way go get milk.
Gary said he has a clip of a guy yelling at a horse in a race. Howard played the clip and the guy was yelling at the thing to get up there and be a race horse. The guy was going on and on as the race was going.
Howard said he knew guys who sounded like that and he was scared of them. JD said Sal wants more people involved in that. Howard asked if that's what his dad sounded like. Sal said it wasn't that loud but yes. Gary said that guy was beating his racing form on the rail there. He said his dad did that once and the veins came out on the side of his father's neck. He said his father won 2 grand and told him not to tell his mother.
Howard said as long as they're on this Jason should talk about Gary and his candy. Jason said that they have had some things going on in Gary's office since Halloween. He said they put out left over candy in the office and Gary didn't know about it. Then he discovered it. Gary said he saw it back there and he was wondering why they didn't tell him about it. Gary said this is the candy that no one wants but him. Jason said that's not true. Howard said they were saving it and eating it slowly. Jason said that they started watching Gary. He said 3 times in one hour he went up and double fisted candy. Chris said the first time he went up and filled an empty coffee cup with chocolate bars.
Howard said Gary has ballooned up again. He said he was doing well for a while. Chris said he got popcorn too. Jason said that once the cups were being filled they all had to worry about not having candy back there. He said the next day Gary went and someone told him the chocolate was gone. He said Gary found chocolate after going through it. Gary said it was like panning for gold.
Sal said he saw Gary eating the candy back there and he said he really does love it. He said Gary told him he'll buy a tub of chocolate frosting and eat it right out of the can. He said that's sickening. Howard asked what he weighs now. Gary said he's about 210.
Howard said his wife bought him some gelato the other day. He said he allows himself 2 teaspoons of it after dinner. He said last night he had his two teaspoons. He said he ate the second and thought about a third. He said he knew it would be over if he did that. He said he was watching TV and watching Nicole Wallace saying ''sort of'' way too much. He said it's the new vocal fry. Howard said he was eating that Gelato and he could have eaten that whole fucking thing. He said he knows that can be the end of him if he eats it all.
Howard said he has to fit into his John Varvatos suits. He said that his balls hurt in the suit now because he's about to explode out of it. He said he can't run anymore. He said he has gained a few pounds. Ralph said that he could lose 5 pounds and he could fit into those pants. He said he just doesn't eat that gelato. He said he eats just two teaspoons but they're full teaspoons. He said he has to fit into those pants. He said he has to have that governor on him.
Gary said his wife will take one cookie and eat it over 20 minutes. He said he'll eat 10 cookies. Jason said he thinks that Gary tried to have someone who kept the candy away from him and he'd ask for a piece. Gary said he never did that. He said he would ask for candy if they had it squirreled away.
Gary said that the candy that he has to have is Reese's. He said that he works hard and his wife points out that he comes home and just eats everything in the kitchen.
Robin said that Howard says that he can control this stuff but there are things he can't control that he gets upset about. Howard said he gets lectures from Robin for an hour when he calls her.
Howard asked Gary about not eating vegetables. Gar said it's a very small amount. He said he has one salad on Tuesday. Howard said he should have it more often if he likes it. Gary said he probably should. Howard said he has to move on. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks she just fell asleep. Howard said now she's on the air and it's time to perk up. The caller, Janet, said she has called before. She said that she thinks she fell asleep when Benjy was in there. Robin asked if Benjy is saying they can't joke with him. Howard told her not to go back to that.
Janet said she has called in before and she has had some incidents like the one on the cruise ship. Howard said he remembers her. He said she banged the guy on the cruise ship. Howard asked if they remember her story. Gary said she's a brunette. JD said she has darker skin. Gary asked if she's short. She said she's 5'7''. She said Brent follows her. Howard asked Brent to come in. Brent came in and showed some pictures of her to Howard. Howard said she's hot. He said she's really hot. He asked if that's really her. Janet said it is. Howard said she poses in a thong. He asked how many followers she has. Janet said she has a few thousand.
Howard asked Brent what she does. Brent said she posts a lot of bikini pictures. Howard asked if he has jerked off to her. Brent said he needs porn to jerk off to. Howard asked if she'll ever get topless. Janet said she can't. She said they'll kick her off. Janet said she did have a tanning video story on Instagram. Howard wanted to see that tanning bed picture.
Howard asked JD if she's a 1 or a 10. JD said that she's a 9 at least. Howard said he thinks she's a 10. Howard said JD is looking at that like a married man. Richard said he's chubbing up over there. Howard said JD doesn't want to be touched. Richard said he didn't touch him. JD said he felt a hand creeping on his leg. Howard asked if he has a boner. JD said he doesn't but Richard insisted he does.
Howard said Brent is on the phone and he has a full boner. Howard took the call from fake Brent who said he has a full bone in his pants right now. He said she's smokin'.
Real Brent said he had to follow her to get pictures the first time she called in. He said he would party with her. Howard asked if she's married. Janet said she was calling to tell a story about a situation she had. She said she had a threesome with a girl. She said that she was with a new guy this time. She said when she went over to her house. She said she wanted her to help her decorate her house. She said she had a new boyfriend who had just moved in.
Howard asked if she was expecting sex. Janet said not really. Howard said this friend is really hot, right. Janet said yes. She said that her friend is petite and blonde. She said she has implants. She said she's not sure who she looks like.
Howard asked what happened there. Janet said it was weird. Howard asked if she was expecting sex to happen. Janet said that she dressed in leggings and she was showing her stomach. Howard said she dressed sexy. Howard said then she goes over to decorate. Janet said they were drinking a little bit. Howard asked what her friend was wearing. Janet said she was wearing a house dress. Richard said he's sure JD wants to know if she has a big ass. Howard said he was forgetting that Richard was there but he had to say something.
Howard asked Janet what happened next. She said that the guy grabbed her ass. She said that he was talking about how cute she was and things like that. Then the friend came over and started making out with her. She said then the guy came over to look closer. She said that he started to take her pants off. She said that she was wearing a thong while this was going on. Howard said this never happens to him. Sal said it never happens to him either.
Howard asked if Janet was okay with this. She said she is a good friend and she was comfortable with her. She said the guy was good looking too. She said that he was pulling down her pants. She said they were making out for like 3 or 4 minutes. She said he came closer and touched her back and rubbed her. She said her top was still on. Howard said look what's going on here. Howard said he's famous and this doesn't happen to him.
Howard said yesterday they were eulogizing Stan Lee and the Hulk called in to say that he was sad that Stan died. Howard said Hulk is back on the phone saying he's jerking off to Janet. He took the call and Hulk said he's jerking off. Howard said he just lost Janet on the phone. He said they're going to kill him.
Howard hung up on Hulk and had Janet back on the line. Howard asked what happened next. Janet said they had to take her boots off. She said that took some time but she made out with her friend while he took off her boots. Janet said she got naked and then they had to take a break to answer the phone. Howard said she's completely nude at this point. Howard said they have taken off her bra and thong and she's naked on the couch. Howard asked how many clothes the other girl had on. Janet said they were just busy with her. She said her phone was ringing off the hook and her friend had to turn it off. She said they broke away for a minute to do that.
Howard asked Fred to get him his lotion. Janet said she went to put her clothes back on. She said they broke out of the moment. She said that she grabbed a robe out of the friend's closet. Janet said what made it awkward was that she got the robe and her friend was still on the phone. She said they were talking among the three of them. She said she had this robe on and her friend said the people on the phone was another couple who were on their way over. She said that was too much for her. She wasn't into that.
Howard asked if she ran out the door. Janet said it was just a couple of minutes before they showed up. She said the girl who showed up was gorgeous. Howard asked if Janet is hotter than that woman. Janet said she thinks she is. Howard said this other girls is as hot as her? Janet said she is. Howard asked how these people find each other. Jason said it sounds very planned and they just brought her into the web.
Gary said he's sure there was no decorating needed. Howard asked what happened next. Janet said that this girl reminded her of Megan Fox. She said not as gorgeous but really, really pretty.
Howard said that she has to be into this. Janet said no because it threw her off. She said she was very nervous. She said that she doesn't do this all the time but it happens. She said that they were in the kitchen and this new girl's husband came in and sat by them. She said she was looking at the friend's boyfriend and he didn't know they were coming over either. She said this new girl started kissing her and she wasn't feeling it. She said it was just weird to her. She said the new boyfriend was trying to touch her and the girl got pissed at him for touching another girl.
Howard said what a buzz kill. Howard said this new guy is getting in trouble over this. Janet said he was thrown off by this so she said she could go home and they could keep going. Howard said he's not sure where this is going. He asked if she just left. Janet said no. She said the friend kicked out the new couple. Howard said good. He asked how she got rid of them. Janet said she wasn't there for the conversation. Janet said the boyfriend wasn't digging it either so he said something to her friend too.
Janet said that the couple left so they got back to what they were doing. Howard said you have to act like you're into the girlfriend even if the other girl is hotter. Janet agreed.
Howard said now they're back to the original 3. Janet said yes. She said that they went to her closet and they put on heels and her friend changed into a robe too. She said they made out more and they went back to the living room and continued. She said that it was interesting because she laid on top of the cocktail table. She said the boyfriend was having sex with her friend from behind her. Howard said the girl is making out with her while he's banging her. Janet said correct. Howard asked Richard how JD is doing over there. Richard said he's making some odd noises over there. JD said he wants to hear more of this story. Richard said he thinks Jon Hein is ready to beat off too. Jon said he wants to hear what's next in the story. Howard said that he is taking nots though. Jon said he is.
Howard asked Janet what's going on with her and the girl. Howard said the girl is getting it from the boyfriend and then what. Janet said she ended up on the couch and the guy is going down on her. She said then he's doing her. She said they never had sex but the couple did. She said she slept over until the next morning. She said that she did have an orgasm from him going down on her and fingering her.
Richard asked where the guy jizzed. JD asked if she did anything with the guy's penis. She said she may have grabbed it a couple of times but that was about it. She said she and her friend grinded naked. She said that he watched a lot. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that. Janet said they were having sex and she stood back and let them do that. Gary asked what she did while they did that. Janet said she played with herself a little bit.
Howard said next time she calls in do it when he doesn't have a bunch of gross guys in there staring at him. Robin asked what she was doing while they had sex. Janet said she was playing with herself. She said she wanted to keep the momentum going.
Howard asked if she would do it again. Janet said they want to do something she's afraid of. She said she's not into the swingers club kind of thing. Howard asked if she finished decorating the house. Janet laughed. She said it was exactly the same.
Howard said that Hulk wants to jerk off to her again. Howard picked up on Hulk again who was jerking off to her yelling as he was cumming. Then he finished and changed back into Bruce Banner and asked what's going on.
Howard asked if she would have sex with Brent and his wife. Janet said she's not sure. She said that she wanted to talk about the Ronnie and Brent's wife thing. She said that would be planned. She said she's not into planning. She said that it's about the spontaneous thing. Howard asked what she's wearing now. Janet said just panties.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a full on raging boner right now. Richard asked him to hit it on the phone. The guy did smack something on his phone. The guy said he's driving with that full on rager right now. He said he came twice on his steering wheel.
Howard asked Robin if this would be a good guest to tell a story that she has that's interesting. Robin said maybe. Howard asked Janet if she has anything she could tell them. Janet said she might have something. Jason asked if she enjoyed this experience. Janet said it was hot. She said the first time she called was about this friend and it was super hot but this was good too.
Howard said they weren't expecting this call today. Robin said this was something that she hand' said before. She said she's joining the panel.
Howard asked if she gives out her name on Instagram. Janet said her name isn't really Janet. She said that people do know who she is but she doesn't give out her name. JD said he has to follow her. Jason said he does too. Howard asked if JD will DM her. JD said it's just looking.
Howard asked JD if he follows a lot of hot chicks. JD said he does. He said this is how he met his wife. He said he still follows people. He said his wife is fine with it. Howard asked if he still webcams. JD said not anymore. He said he doesn't have a computer anymore.
Chris asked what he says to a porn star when he DMs them. JD said he can be flirty. Howard asked what that means. JD said he doesn't know. Howard asked him to give him an example. JD said he'll say they look great or something.
Jason said he's looking at JD's feed and he's seeing the names that he followed in one long list. JD said those girls are the girls who were on the show. Gary asked if he had to follow them. JD said yes.
Howard asked Chris about a date he went on with a male porn star. Chris said the guy reached out to him and he went on a date. He said it was very nice. He said he didn't blow him but there was some light nibbling. Howard asked what he was nibbling. Chris said it was kisses on the neck and stuff like that. He said he's a very interesting young man. Howard heard more about that and said his boner backed down again.
Janet said that they were talking about Brent's wife and going down on him when he had dingleberries. She wondered if his ass is clean now. JD said this took a weird turn. Richard said he's kind of interested. Howard said he's getting jealous and he doesn't want her asking about his dingleberries. Howard asked Brent if he is shaving his asshole now. Brent said he is not. He said he'll give it a try and let him know how it works out. Brent said it has gotten better and he cleans up better now. He said before he just didn't care.
Howard took a call from a woman named Amy who said she wanted to say that she didn't hear this story but the last time she had to pull over and take care of herself. Howard asked if this is a real girl. Gary said he thinks it is. Howard said he's had enough of this. He asked if this is a dude. Amy said she's a regular sized person. Howard asked if she's hot. She said she is hot and she is a woman and she's been a woman all her life. Howard said he's had enough sex calls for the day.
Howard took a call from JD's penis who said that he's so hungry for fresh pussy. Robin said please, he wasn't getting any.
Janet said that she wanted to thank Mariann. Howard let her go a short time later. Robin said that story wasn't as successful as the other two. Howard said he didn't say it wasn't. He said the massage story was kind of good. He said this one worked for him though. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked Sal what he has to play. Sal said commuters were upset about the Amtrak delays over the summer so he and Steve Nowicki went out and interviewed people who were upset with the delays. Howard played some clips of people talking about how upset they were with the MTA for the delays. One woman was cursing them out. Another woman went off on them saying that the Jews should get their own fucking ride because they have money. Howard said he captured the anger there.
Howard said he sees Sal has another clip here. Sal said they went out and told people that Howard Stern was going to replace Matt Lauer at NBC after he was fired. Howard asked why he didn't play this. Sal said he's had it for a year. Howard played some clips of people responding to the Howard Stern thing. People were not happy and said that they will not watch the show if Howard Stern is on. There were people calling him a disgusting pig and things like that.
Jason said Jon had a big article written about him recently and they didn't mention his ''Jump the Shark'' thing but they did mention ''Hit 'em with the Hein.''
Jason said this first thing is from a show on Rhode Island. Howard played the clip and someone was being interviewed and the guy got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Jason said that he also wants to credit Nik for coming up with the saying. He said Jon never credits the other people who co-created ''Jump the Shark.'' Jon said it was Sean Connelly and he was his roommate for 4 years in college. Howard said that he has heard him mention that before. Jon said this is why Benjy hates Jason. He said he just does this to stir shit up. He said he knows JD and Sal get bothered by this. JD said there are two Jason's. He said there's on air and off air Jason. He said that he can't live his life without Jason taking notes on him. Jason said that he found some weekend plans that he found interesting and he took some notes on it. JD said they had a ''Friendsgiving'' thing with some people. He said this is when people can't go home for Thanksgiving and have a get together. JD said his wife and some of her coworkers wanted to do something and that's what it was. Jason said he was curious about what he was cooking. He said JD told him he wasn't cooking and he got all flustered.
Howard said he thinks Jason is upset with Jon for starting a fast food show and not including him. Jason said he just knows how some people feel in Jon's life who he has railroaded. Jon said that he went to an audition and got the part for that show. Jason said he never even told him about it. He said they created something and Jon went and did this show without even telling him. Jason said if they had called him about a show like that he would have told Jon. He said there's not a doubt in his mind.
Jason said that Chris Jacobs used ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' on the Barrett Jackson auto auction. He had Howard play the clip. Howard said it seems like it's very much alive. Jon said they did break out that phrase on the auto auction. He said he finds that funny. He said that guy is just showing he's a fan of the show.
Jason said that good Day New York threw out a bunch of Stern Show references and they threw in ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' and Jump the Shark and a few other show references. Howard played a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's not sure who this guy who is so ugly goes after other guys on the show. Jason said that's why he does it. He said he had it down.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame stuff. Howard said he doesn't talk about that stuff. He said he got a ballot and threw it right in the garbage. He said he doesn't believe that the votes even count. He said he thinks that it's Jann Wenner who is behind it with his group of guys. Howard said they give these guys a vote so they think they count. Howard said he also thinks that he counts more than Gary and Jon. He said he should be on the nominating committee. Gary said he agrees with that. Howard said he has nothing to do with rock and roll. The caller said Howard is rock and roll. Howard said he is a radio announcer. He said he's got nothing to do with rock and roll. Robin said she thinks he does. Gary said there are guys who vote who are critics and work in the business. Gary asked if he votes for anything like that. Howard said no. He said he votes for politics.
Howard said these bands have so much talent and Gary and Jon are the votes. Howard said the people voting should be fellow musicians. Jon asked if Howard got the call from Jann about the committee would he do it. Howard said he has to think about that. Howard said he had this booklet show up and he opens it up and there are rock bands in there. He said he knows the bands already. He said he doesn't want to waste time with that. He said he'd rather go online and play chess. He said he doesn't give a fuck about these awards.
The caller said that he wanted to talk about Def Leppard and getting them into the hall of fame. Howard said they belong in there. He said that if Jann doesn't like them then he's not going to get them in. Howard said he inducted Bon Jovi into the hall of fame. He said Jon Bon Jovi had a conversation with Jann and that's how he got in there.
Howard said he's not going to sit and vote for Def Leppard. He said there's a guy in that band who drums with one hand. He said he can't even drum with two hands so he has no reason to vote. Howard asked Gary if he voted for Def Leppard. Gary said he has not voted yet. Jon said he thinks that there are other nominees who he thinks belong in there. Howard said he glazed over when he saw those bands. Gary asked if Janet Jackson belongs in there. Howard said no way. He said they're talking about Rock and Roll. He said if they go under that premise then yes, she should be in. Gary asked about LL Cool J. Howard said he doesn't know his music enough. He said that he can't be the one voting on that. Gary asked about Todd Rundgren. Howard said he belongs in there. He said he doesn't have that many hits though. Gary said he produced a lot of albums. Howard said that's what he means, there's too much to think about. He said he has no right to be voting on these bands.
Howard said Richard Christy should be voting before Gary and Jon. He said that he has no reason to vote on this stuff. Gary asked about the band The Cure. Howard said he's not a fan. He said that if you sell over 100 million records you should just be in the hall of fame.
Howard said he saw this guy Bobby Bones on Dancing with the Stars. He said he has no idea who that is. Gary said he's a big deal. Howard said he doesn't know the guy but good for him. Howard said he's getting upset by this whole thing. He said everyone out!
Gary said he thinks Howard was instrumental with Bon Jovi and even Kid Rock's career. Howard said he had Bon Jovi on the show early on and maybe he helped but they would have been huge without him. Gary said Train is another band. Howard said they went through a dry period and he highlighted them.
The caller said that Howard made William Hung big. Howard said he's had enough. He said he's bored out of his skull.
Howard said he just doesn't shut up in that clip. He said the game is going on and he's talking about solar panels. Jon said the announcer is getting more and more frustrated as this goes on. Jon said that Bill Walton ends up talking about bridges in this next clip. They were talking about a player named Bridges and then Walton talks about actual bridges. Howard said this is what gamblers want to hear while the game is going on. Howard asked if the partner gets annoyed. Jon said that he asks so many ridiculous questions. Howard had a montage clip of Bill asking his partner ridiculous questions during the game. The guy sounded kind of annoyed with the constant questions.
Howard said he's so annoying. Chris said it just hit him, Benjy should go into announcing. Howard did his impression of Bill Walton asking those dopey questions. He said the guy knows a lot of shit. Robin said that's the point. She said he's fighting that cliché that sports people aren't smart. She said he has to tell everyone how much he knows.
Howard asked what his story is. He asked if he's married. Jon said he is. He said his son is a coach for the Lakers. Howard said he thinks he had him on the show once. Gary said he did. He said he had a book out.
Jon said Jeff Van Gundy doe the same thing. Howard said he dicked him over at a Knicks game. Howard said he likes going to the games and watching even if they're not that good. He said sometimes he gets up early to leave. He said that the game might be a blow out so he gets out of there maybe 5 minutes before the end of the game. He said Van Gundy will point out that he's not a real fan because he left early. He said fuck you to that guy.
Howard said now it's such a thing that he's afraid to leave if Van Gundy is there. He said Walt Frasier is there and he's nice to him. He said that's a good dude. He said fuck that Van Gundy guy.
Jon said that Jeff Van Gundy asks some awkward questions during games. He had a clip of him asking what second cousins means. Howard asked who would ask that. In the clip they were talking about the cousins thing and Van Gundy said he's not sure what you're allowed to do with a second cousin. Howard said it refers to the fact that you have a family tree and that's a cousin who is closely related. Robin said he doesn't have to explain it to them because they all know what it means.
Howard said he leaves those games early because people get excited when they see him and he just wants to get out of there. He said he wants his own life.
Chris said that this homeless guy was talking dirty and had his legs up in the air like he was being fucked by a ghost. Howard played that clip next. The guy was acting like he was being fucked but no one was around.
Howard said this is why he won't take the subway. He said real life is weird. He said he just wants to stay inside. Howard played more of that guy and talked about how weird that was.
Howard asked what else he has. Chris said that he went on the street and asked homeless if they masturbate. Howard played a clip and the homeless were talking about how they do masturbate. One guy said he does it in people's homes. Another guy said that he does it behind a dumpster. Howard said he's had enough. He cut that one off in the middle of the guy talking about where he jerks off. Robin wanted to hear more. Howard played more of it and the guy said he will shoot it on the ground instead of the cardboard that he uses for his home.
Howard asked if he's done with this. Chris said he can be if he wants to be. Robin said she's fascinated by this. Howard played another clip of a guy saying he masturbates before he goes to sleep. He said he will do it in an alley. Chris said they don't clean it up so that's one bonus of being homeless apparently.
Howard said he's not sure why we have alleyways. He said nothing good happens there. Robin said they were trying to get out of some situation and Howard stared running through doors. they ended up in an alley. Howard said they were at a show with Sam Kinison and he ended up in the alley and wasn't able to get back in.
Howard said he has Sour Bill Walton on the phone. He picked up and Sour Shoes was doing his Bill Walton impression. Howard said Sour is back in action after how many months. Howard said he'd ask him where he's been but they'll save that for another time.
Howard said he sees it's time for some news but he does have JD and Richard to get to. He asked what they have an said maybe they'll get to that when they get back.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he noticed that Jon is over annunciating things lately. He said it's really annoying and kind of Ryan Seacrest like. Ralph said he's doing it to make things important sounding. He said it's happening in the past year or so. Jon asked if it's too much... pausing. Ralph said exactly. He said he's been doing it today. Howard said he thought he was doing a good job. Chris said Jon does have a weird voice. He did it with Ralph's speech impediment.
Howard said they did a good job today. He thanked all of the guys for coming in. They went to break after that.
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Shuli came in and said that he goes on there and people fuck with him. He said he'll get into a mode where he blocks everyone. He said that he'll said he'll block everyone if he has to and that's like a challenge to them. Howard said this is like Gary Hart telling reporters to follow him and they'll be bored. Shuli said he's sure there are false reports but they get so many they just say fuck it. Howard said no one gets kicked off other than Jeff.
Shuli said he got a call from Jeff yesterday and he was talking about this rapper girl walking down the street doing a rhyme and he asked if he waned him to send it to him. Howard asked who cares.
Shuli said he lives in the middle of nowhere and this is his only human interaction. He said he was spoiled by people sending him all of this shit. He said he had so many packages he didn't know what to do with them.
Howard said he has a guy who says he's in charge of Periscope. Jeff said he's not the real guy. Howard took the call and the guy said he feels sympathetic. He wants to get him back in business and he only has to do one thing. He said he has to unzip his pants and blow him. Howard said he doesn't think that's the real guy.
Shuli said that some guys set Jeff up on Instagram and fooled Jeff into thinking that they were a chick. Jeff sent a picture of his dick to them. Jeff said he doesn't care. He said they're just being dicks. Shuli said he's flooded with these dudes who have their accounts flooded with dick pics. Howard said he has to stop with this. He said he has to go. Jeff wanted to tell him a story but Howard said he really has to go. Jeff said these people took a picture from 2 years ago and got him banned over it. Shuli said he doesn't get that these guys have more spare time than even Jeff does. Howard let him go and moved on to news.
Robin read a story about how the guy who killed Jeffrey Dahmer is finally speaking out. Robin said he killed him because he didn't like his sense of humor. Robin said this guy was in prison about the same time that Dahmer was in prison. Robin said he had a constant escort but on this day this inmate and some other prisoners were brought to the bathrooms to clean up. Robin said one of the reasons the guy didn't like Dahmer was because he would take food and make them look like body parts and he'd put ketchup on them to make them look like body parts around the prison. Howard said that if you're going for funny you should really be funny. Robin said they also say that the minister there would talk to Dahmer. Robin said that has to be a tough job. Robin said that the fake body parts were spread around the prison for people to find. Dahmer also said ''I bite'' if guards got too close to him. Robin said this guy who killed Dahmer was in prison for murder. She said he didn't seem to have a problem with murdering. Robin said he just didn't like the guy. Robin read more about what this guy did and the guy followed Dahmer to a weight room and picked up a dumbbell and beat the crap out of him and killed him. Howard said if he was in prison he would go out of his way not to be funny. Robin said this guy had an article about Dahmer and asked him if he really did this before he beat the life out of him. Howard said in prison if you do something like Dahmer did the other inmates don't like you. He said that you're not like them. Howard wondered if Dahmer tried to convince him not to kill him. He said that they're all in the same club there so maybe that's what he did.
Robin read a story about NBC saying they're doing just fine without Megyn Kelly. Robin said the audience is returning to watching. Howard said they have to pay her. He said that's what bugs him about that whole thing. Robin said they say that the ratings are up about 10 percent since she left. Howard said they're trying to say she broke some code. He said it was a dopey comment but they sill owe her the money. Robin said she's not sure what to do. Robin read about how the ratings actually disappeared when Megyn took over that time slot. Robin said now Al Roker is back and they're doing better. Robin said they also saw a spike in ratings when Matt Lauer was fired. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked about the Jeffrey Dahmer story and how the cops returned a 14 year old kid to his home or something. He asked if he has that wrong. He said that was a long time ago. He said he might be making that up. Gary said he didn't hear what he said but he knows what the answer is. He said that Dahmer told the cops they were having a lovers spat and the cops just left. Howard said the cps didn't return him to the house then. He said he's glad they didn't. Robin read something about them returning the kid. Gary said they kind of did. He said the kid was drugged up and they returned the kid to the house. Robin said that's horrible. She said Dahmer got what he deserved.
Robin read a story about how to wash your bed sheets. Robin said she knows some people around there who don't know what to do. JD said he knows what to do now. He said he gets all of these articles. Robin read about how to do it the right way. Howard said JD told him he now uses a toothbrush to get the 8 month old cum stains out of the sheets. They played a song parody about JD's dirty sheets. Howard said that was from Psych.
Robin read a story about house plants and how healthy they are to have in the house. Howard said he doesn't like house plants. Robin said they release oxygen into the air. He said he has enough air. He said that he doesn't like house plants because they die in his house. He said he doesn't want responsibilities. Robin said they clean the air. She read about how NASA says they clean the air and they remove indoor pollutants. Howard said he has enough things to take care of. Robin said they say that they help you work better and they can help people recover when they've had surgery.
Robin read about how doctors should have you say ''Ahh'' and also be doing a drinking evaluation. Robin said they should be doing a drinking checkup. Howard asked what that means. Robin read more about drinking too much alcohol. Robin asked how many drinks he has a week before you need counseling. Howard said between 3 and 5. Robin said it's 14 a week for younger men. Howard said that's a lot. Robin said it is. She said for women and older men it's 7 a week. Howard said what she's saying is get a house plant and don't drink.
Robin read a story about a man who was arrested for drinking and driving and he blamed it on the Jets sucking. Robin said he said this in the middle of a sobriety check. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about El Chapo who is in court this week and they had opening arguments. Robin said the defense portrayed their client as a scapegoat. Robin read some details about that.
Robin read a story about another fire breaking out in California. Howard said it's awful. Robin said there are looters trying to gain something out of this situation. Howard said they're soulless people. Robin said the police are looking for looters. Robin had some audio of people talking about what's going on out there.
Robin read a story about Pink's husband, Carey Hart, saying that he will shoot looters if they try to rob his house. Howard said good for him. He said he's right. He said this is upsetting.
Robin read a story about Oprah doing the first interview with Michelle Obama for her new book. Robin said that they're doing these book events in stadiums. Robin said you get an interview with Michelle if you go to one of these events. Robin read about how much people are paying to get into these events. They went over that for a short time and then fake Oprah called in. The guys were playing edited clips of Oprah talking about wacky stuff. Robin had some clips of Oprah with Michelle for Howard to play. Howard asked if she's going to want him to interview her. Robin asked if she hasn't contacted him already. Howard said not yet.
Robin read a story about Monica Lewinsky opening up and participating in an interview for a series on A&E. Robin said she's giving details of her affair with Bill Clinton. Robin had a clip of her talking about suicidal thoughts over the whole situation. She broke down crying while she was talking about that. She said she was still in love with Bill at the time and she felt really responsible. That led to Howard doing his Bill Clinton impression for a short time. Robin said she even talks about the dress getting stained and how the affair got started and all of that. Howard stayed in character for a few minutes talking about Monica.
Robin read a story about a judge on Long Island dismissing a case Bill O'Reilly brought against a guy who claimed he had sexually harassed his girlfriend. Robin said she's not sure what this means to Bill because this suit was just thrown out of court.
Robin read a story about a Forbes magazine 30 under 30 list that has 600 U.S. citizens who they think are leaders of the next generation. Howard said he hopes JD is on that list.
Robin read a story about this Caravan that's on the way to the border. Robin said they are about halfway between central America and Tijuana. Robin said it sounded like they were getting close around election time. Robin said they are hoping for asylum when they get here. Robin said that it started out with about 1,000 people and now it's about 10,000. Robin said that some are staying in Mexico but others are heading for the States where wages are higher.
Robin read a story about Trump holding a ceremony at the White House for something called Diwali which is a Hindu ceremony of lights. Robin said after that he tweeted about it and called it a very special holiday that many people celebrate. Robin said people quickly noted that he didn't mention Hindus. Robin said it's one very popular thing with Hindus. Robin said she just learned all of that so congratulate him for bringing that to the White House.
Robin read a story about Melania speaking out about people she wants fired at the White House. Robin said she's not happy about the way they're treating her. Robin said she is calling for the ousting of a couple of people including John Kelly.
Robin read a story about Joe Perry who says he's doing better after his collapse over the weekend. Howard said Fred has audio of his collapse. Fred played the body falling drop. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.