Howard is coming back live tomorrow. They're still off for their winter vacation. Today they played more ''Best of 2016'' segments. Here's what they played today:
Today's show was over around 11:15am.
Howard and the guys were back from vacation this morning. Howard started the show wishing Fred and Robin a happy new year. Howard said he had 9 and a half hours of sleep last night. He said that never happens. He said he's shot out of a cannon. He said he's behind on Westworld. He said that show puts him right to sleep. He said he doesn't know what the fuck is going on in that show. Robin said it's so good. Howard said he's having a hard time with it. Robin said it's one of the most unpredictable shows. Howard said he wants something to happen already. He said he passed out at 8 o'clock last night. He said he was unconscious after watching it. He said he's' only about 5 episodes in. Robin said it's ended already. Howard said he can't keep up.
Howard said he almost didn't come back to work. He said they've been away a while. He said he wants to sit down with Sirius and say it's over. He said he's there though. He said Robin brought him back. He said he knows she likes this. They have 4 years of shows left. Howard asked how many they've done together. Howard said maybe 60,000 shows. Robin asked if it can be that many. Howard tried to do the calculation. He said maybe 200 a year for 30 years. Robin said that would be about 60,000. Fred said it's only 6,000. Robin said that's terrible. Robin said they thought they did so much more.
Howard stuck with 60,000. He said his buddy Pat asked him the other day how many they've done. Howard said he figured they'd been together for 30 years. Robin said it's 35 years. Howard said they do 200 a year to play it safe. He said they came up with 60,000. Robin said it sounds reasonable. Howard said he only went to Boston University. Howard said in any case he's sticking with 60,000. He said it sounded way more impressive.
Howard said he came back because of Robin because she enjoys it and why stop Robin's enjoyment. He said he was going to fake his own death to get out of it. Robin said so many people died. Howard said they did. He said Joey Boots died. Robin said this is why you can never call it. They were worried about High Pitch Erik. Howard said Joey was discussing health with Erik. Howard said he figured they were going to be like Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds and Erik would be dead within 24 hours. Howard said he broke the news to Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said Jimmy was the one who asked if they were going to be like Carrie and her mom.
Howard said Erik is coming in to talk about Joey but he may ban him because he didn't do it there first. Howard said Erik did so many other TV shows.
Howard said he has to do a tribute to Joey. He said he was 49 years old. He looked like he was 70. Robin said he wasn't that old. Howard said he passed away on December 23rd. Howard said he didn't show up for his podcast. Howard said High Pitch Erik went to find Joey and they found Joey slumped over in his room. Howard said he didn't think Joey was a Wack Packer. He said he was too normal for that.
Howard had a clip from Joey's podcast where Erik called in to let them know what was going on. Howard said a police spokesman says he passed away from natural causes. Howard said they're still waiting to find out what happened. Howard said he's not sure what got him.
Howard played the clip of Erik calling in and telling the guys that Joey was found in his apartment cold and slumped over with no pulse. The guys stopped the show to talk to Erik off the air.
Howard said he lies that they had to ''get off the air'' because it's a podcast. Howard said it's the most exciting thing to happen on a podcast and they ended it. Robin said they didn't even trust Erik enough to believe that Joey was dead. Robin said that's sad. Howard said he loved that the announcement was barely able to be made out. Howard did an impression of Erik mumbling.
Howard said Joey's death was covered everywhere. Howard said he was impressed with the coverage it was getting. Howard read a list of the papers and networks that carried the story. Howard said some of the headlines were misleading. Howard said drudge thought that it was Baba Booey who died. Howard said people weren't that broken up when they thought it was Gary who died. Howard said the people who heard about it were just saying they were sorry to hear the passing. He said he threw his hands up because he was on vacation. He said he just let people believe it was Gary. Howard said some called Joey a co-star. He said it's really sad because he liked Joey.
Howard had a clip from a FOX local station reporting Joey's death. He said they were putting him in with George Michael and people like that. Howard said Joey would have been thrilled with this report. Howard played the clip and the news reporters were talking about Joey passing away. Howard said Joey was really big in Dallas. He said they just wanted this year to be over with when they heard of Joey's passing.
Howard said on FOX in Los Angeles the news anchor remembered being Baba Booey'd by Joey. Howard played another clip where the reporter remembered Joey doing the Baba Booey thing to her. She said she was live in New York doing her thing and Joey came over and said what he said. She said she yelled ''Excuse me!'' and it turned out to be Joey Boots. She said it lives on in infamy on the Stern Show. She said he was just 49. Another anchor said the Wack Packers don't have longevity. Howard asked how nice that was. Howard said Oprah did a 2 hour retrospective. Howard said he was going to do that but she beat him to it.
Howard said there you go. He asked if there could be a better tribute to Joey. Howard said Joey didn't know his impact on the world. Robin said he kept trying and didn't know how much he had done.
Howard said he ran into Dr. Oz on vacation. He said he came up to him saying he was sorry to hear the loss of his colleague. He said he told him he was a guy who called in but then he just said ''thank you, thank you.'' He said Joey was important. He said give him that.
Robin asked if there will be a memorial. Howard said hold that thought. He said they have to get Erik in there. He asked if he'll be in the In Memorium at the Oscars since Jimmy is hosting.
Howard said he has to continue his retrospective. Howard said Erik was interviewed on News 12. He said Erik is available to anyone. He said it's weird to see him interviewed on a news program. Howard played the clip and Erik was talking about Joey's death. Howard said they treat him like he's normal. He said they never talk about his voice. Howard said he's making news like it's in the Bizzaro world. Howard kept playing the clip and said he's waiting to hear them bring up the Mickey Mouse voice. Howard played more of the clip and Erik talked about how Joey was like a brother.
Howard said Erik didn't change his clothing for any of the interviews. He said he was a big slob on TV. In the clip Erik talked about how he found Joey dead. Howard talked about how they called him Erik Bleaman instead of High Pitch Erik. Howard said that it would be great if they had an outtake of Erik asking for money from her.
Howard said Joey's name was Joey Bassolino. Howard said he gave himself the name Joey Boots. Howard said he was trying to get into a bar and he was wearing Fry Boots and the bouncer told him he can't get in so he told the bouncer that he's named Joey Boots and told the guy to ask around. Howard said he would walk around behind people yelling ''Baba Booey, Baba Booey Howard Stern's Penis.'' Howard played an example of Joey doing that during a broadcast. He had a booming voice that made it through over the sounds of the crowds at the New Years Eve ball drop.
Howard said Joey's canvas was getting on the air. Howard said he had a booming voice that got on the air. Howard said it was loud and forceful. Howard played a song parody about Joey's death.
Howard said Elton John is working on a song for the Oscars. Robin said one of the things they haven't said is that Joey made a big announcement on the show. Howard said he's getting to that. Howard played another clip of Joey's work yelling out Baba Booey on a newscast. IN the clip Joey kept yelling it out while the reporter asked him to stop. Howard said there was no stopping Joey once he got started.
Howard said in 2014 Joey was arrested for disorderly conduct. Howard said he took the case to trial and the judge said it was legal for what he did and it was considered a landmark case. Howard played a clip of Joey talking about that on the show.
Howard said Joey joined the army at the age of 25. He served for 6 years. He was a food service specialist. He was stationed in Germany and he partied hard there. Howard said Joey had to leave the military because of PTSD and his bipolar disorder. Howard said he had a lot of depression when they met him. He said Joey was using heroin and crack at the height of his addiction. He said he overdosed twice. Howard said he went to rehab a couple of times. Howard said they asked Joey how he blew 3 grand in 2 weeks. Joey admitted that he got the money from doing a commercial on his channel for alcohol abuse and used it for coke.
Howard said he's going to miss Joey because of that. He asked how you get money from a rehab commercial and used it on coke.
Howard said Joey made a big announcement about being gay on the show. Howard played a clip from that day when Joey admitted he's gay. Howard said they didn't believe him. He said they brought in a gay porn star and he made out with Joey. Howard said there was a lot of shit going on that day. He said he blanked all of that out so he doesn't remember.
Howard said Joey claims he banged about 30 women. One of them was Lisa Lampanelli. Howard had a clip of Lisa talking about how Joey drove her to sleep with black guys. She said he was awful at sex. She explained that he had convinced her that he was someone who could get her on the Stern show and she slept with him but it was bad. She said that made her go to black guys.
Howard said Joey loved High Pitch Erik. Howard said they lived in the same building and Joey would do anything for Erik. Howard said Joey rubbed ass cream on his ass. Howard played a clip of Joey talking about doing that for Erik.
Howard said Joey made it clear that he didn't have romantic feelings for Erik. He had affection for him though. Howard played another clip of Joey talking about that.
Howard said Joey really did care about Erik. He said they did a second Craptacular and Erik wanted to give up and not shit anymore but Joey kept him in it. Howard said Joey told him to stay with it and gave him some of his Calamari to keep him in it. Howard played a clip of Erik and Joey talking to them about the Calamari thing.
Howard said Joey was in the movie Being Flynn so he may get in the Oscar tribute thing. Howard said Joey had a hard life. He said one of the things that brought him joy was this show. Howard said he had family somewhere because he did talk about his niece and nephews. Howard played another song parody about Joey's death.
Howard said David Bowie didn't even get that kind of tribute. Howard said Fred is over there weeping in the corner. Robin said she was wondering when Joey was on last. Howard said it wasn't that long ago. Howard said all this week they're going to have a tribute to Joey on Sternthology. Howard said he was a good friend to the show. Howard said he never quit the show. Robin said most do.
Howard said even Beetlejuice knows to give them the exclusive. Erik said he did that because they were on vacation. Howard asked if he could have waited. Erik said he's there today. Howard laughed.
Robin asked how it's been for him the last few days. Erik said he wanted to hurt himself when it happened. Howard said he was worried that he was going to die like Debbie Reynolds did when her daughter Carrie fisher died. Erik said he did want to hurt himself. He said he thought Joey was sleeping but he touched him and he was telling him to wake up and he didn't answer. Howard asked if he saw the body. Erik said he did. He said he was slumped over in his chair. Howard said he can see he can visualize it now.
Howard asked Erik if he was at odds the last couple of months. Erik said he was upset with him because he was talking to a girl and Joey didn't like him doing that. He said they were out of touch for a couple of weeks. He said they had reconciled before he died though. Howard asked if that's because he broke up with the girl. Erik said he doesn't talk to her now. Howard asked what happened there. Erik said it was the girl who was there with him (April). Howard said they had a falling out over her. Howard said Erik stopped seeing her and Joey came back to Erik.
Howard said Joey used to put ass cream into his ass. Robin asked what she did for Erik. Erik said all she did was sleep with other guys and not him. Howard asked if Joey was happy that he came back. Erik said he was very happy. Howard said they were back together after that. Robin asked if Erik stopped doing the podcast during that time. Erik said he was off of that for 2 weeks.
Howard asked Erik what he was doing that day that Joey died. Erik said he was watching Blue Bloods. Howard asked if he jerks off to the show. Erik said not the repeats. He said he only does that with the new episodes. Howard said Mark Wahlberg is coming in tomorrow. Erik said he's not a big fan of his. He said he likes Donnie. He said he's not a fan of Mark at all.
Howard asked if he would blow Mark first if he could get to Donnie. Erik said he sees him on the set of Blue Bloods. Erik said that's a touch question. Howard said he has to get his mind off of Joey somehow. Howard asked him to think about it and give an honest answer. Erik said he would do it if he got to hang out with Donnie the whole day.
Howard got back to the story about Erik finding Joey dead. Erik said he was home and the guys from the podcast contacted him. He said Gonzo was part of it. Howard had Gonzo on the phone. Howard asked if he was close to Joey. Gonzo said he was. He said he was a good friend and a sweet guy. Howard asked Erik about going to find Joey. Erik said he got the building receptionist to help him get into Joey's apartment to find out if he was okay. Howard asked if she said they can't go in there because he might just be out. Erik said he said to Gonzo to call his phone and he could hear it through the door. Howard said that's smart. He said he must have gotten that from Blue Bloods.
Erik said he heard the phone through the door and he knocked and didn't get an answer. He said they both went upstairs to his apartment. Howard said he thinks this is pretty smart for someone who is tested as 'dull' at a 64 IQ. Howard said he thinks he's only at about an 80 himself and he wasn't thinking like that.
Howard asked what they did next. Erik said they knocked and said his name a few times. Then they opened the door. He said he walked over and he wasn't on his bed. Howard said you can't miss him if he's in the room. Erik said the room is big. He said he had a lot of junk in the room. He said he looked over and saw him slumped in his chair. He said he tried to wake him up and he didn't respond. Erik said the building receptionist said he was cold and had no pulse. They both went downstairs. Howard asked how long he was in there. Gonzo said it had to be within 12 hours because he was active on Twitter. Erik said he was stiff. He said he had called him the night before and he had a cold.
Howard asked if they called 911. Erik said they did. He said the fire department showed up. He said they love Howard and the guys. He said around 9:30 they pronounced Joey dead. He said then EMS and cops came. He said detectives came too. He said they asked him questions. Howard asked if he was a suspect since he was one of the last ones to see him alive. Erik said no. He said they asked him questions about his Twitter and Facebook accounts. Howard said maybe they were looking to find if he had a suicide note or anything. Howard asked if the fire department guys were hot. Erik said he wasn't looking at them like that.
Gonzo said they had to bribe Erik with 50 bucks and a pizza to go check on Joey. Erik said he doesn't like it when people bother him. He said he was being respectful. Gonzo said Joey is usually punctual. He said he was a little worried but they thought he had over slept. He said they had a fan call in to offer the 50 bucks and pizza. Erik said his name is Neil Thomas. He said he sent him 50 bucks to help him out. Howard asked if he got his pizza too. Erik said he did.
Howard said he never thought that Joey would go before Erik. Howard asked if he thinks that he was partying way too hard. Erik said he did party too much. Howard said he's fascinated by this pizza thing. Howard asked when he ate that pizza. Erik said it was at 4 in the morning. He got it around 9 at night. He said it sat around and he ate it later. Howard said he was able to eat. Erik said he was. He said he wasn't able to do it before they found him. Howard asked Erik about wanting to do himself in and what stopped him. Erik said it's because of Joey. He said Joey wouldn't want him to do that. Howard said he agrees about that. Howard said he had a pizza to eat too.
Howard asked who told Mariann. Erik said he did. He said he thinks she's on the phone too. He said Marfan Mike left him a nice message too. He said he was sorry for the loss. He said he wants to say thank you to Marfan Mike. Howard said he knows they were at odds but now he's being nice to him. Erik said he knows Joey's death is very upsetting. He said he wants to tell the listens to stop calling him a murderer. He said monotone Matt is doing that. Gonzo said that's a fake account. Erik said Ass Napkin Ed is claiming he's taking donations from people too.
Howard said he has to get to Ed then. Howard got Ass Napkin Ed on the phone and Ed said that he's not doing anything. He said that the homicide detectives visited Erik's room. He said he threatens to kill people. Howard said Ed posted about how he's white trash and he's accepting donations on the behalf of his family. Erik said that's not true. Ed said that he's always threatening to kill people. He said he stole a credit card and got arrested for fraud. Erik said that was years ago. Ed said that Erik also called him a few days before and said he would burn in hell. Erik said he was making matters worse for him.
Howard asked if Joey had a will. Erik said he did not have a will. Howard asked if he will inherit everything. Erik said no. He said his brother backed him up on Twitter. He said his brothers are defending him. Ed said that Erik is also saying that he's his next of kin by calling himself his brother. Erik said that's not true. He said it's just that they were good friends. Gonzo said this is all over that chick that he wanted to fuck. Ed said Erik is cock blocking him.
Howard said maybe Ed should apologize to Erik. Ed said he's not going to do that. Ed said he has screen shots of people who are helping Erik out. Gary said that Shuli knows about this. He said that Erik asks for money in general and he's not collecting for Joey. Ed said that he made that clear. He said some of it is for himself and some of it is for Boots. Robin asked if people send him money. Erik said he does voice mail messages and things like that. Erik said he did something nice and held a vigil for Joey. He said he didn't get any money from those people.
Howard asked how many showed up. Erik said maybe 15-20. He said that it was in the building in one of the living rooms. He said that he said some words. Gonzo said there is a video out there of it. Howard asked if Shuli taped it. Erik said he came later.
Ed said that Erik called from Joey's phone. Erik said he did not. Shuli came in using a cane. He slipped on ice and fucked up his knee.
Shuli said he was at the vigil. He said it wasn't a big gathering. He said there were a lot of people from the building there. He said it had that methadone clinic kind of vibe. He said that there is no truth to what Ed is saying about Erik getting money in Joey's name. Ed said he has threatened people. Shuli said he has no proof of that. Ed said he has evidence. Shuli said he has never stopped asking for money. He said he's accusing him of killing Joey too. Ed asked why the homicide detectives are questioning him. Erik said they're just detectives. He said they're not searching his room. He said they're searching Joey's room. Ed said he's not apologizing for that. He doesn't do that.
Shuli said the guy who is accusing Erik fell in his own shit bucket a few weeks ago. Ed said Erik is cock blocking him too. Shuli said maybe making teeth in the microwave is cock blocking himself. Ed said he doesn't think so.
Erik said that Fred the Elephant Boy is also writing bad stuff about him and Joey. Howard said he's holding a grudge in death. Erik said Mariann went to war with him the day after over that. Howard got Mariann on the phone to talk about that. Mariann said that Erik called her that night and she was up all weekend. She said that Joey always treated her so well. She said the Wack Pack is crumbling. She said she will never take calls from Fred again. She said that she was hurt by what he said. She said that she thought he was a good friend. She said that she asked him to take some stuff down and he did but she won't take his calls.
Howard said Fred the Elephant Boy was called a shitty pats retard. Mariann said he didn't have to say that Joey called her a cunt. She said that it was all good when they hung out. She said she was there for him. Howard said Fred might feel hurt that he never made peace with him. Mariann said that Fred can go fuck himself. She said she won't worry about him anymore. Howard said he noticed that Erik finished an entire orange juice over there. Erik said he didn't finish it.
Mariann said that Joey was in Bad Santa 2. She said he was at the premiere. She said that he did Baba Booey Bombs there. She said he was loving and caring and handsome. She said that's what they should talk about. She said she loves Howard and rest in peace Joey. Howard let her go after that.
Erik said he heard that Fred the Elephant Boy got a pacemaker and he tried to be nice to him after that. Howard asked if Erik has lost any weight after this. Erik said he can't stop eating. Shuli said he told him that he has to take better care of himself. Howard asked if that's the first time he saw a dead body. Erik said yes. Howard said that has to be a shock. Howard asked if he has a wake up call now. Erik said yes but he's eating more than ever. Howard asked if food is his valium. Erik said it is. Gonzo was laughing. Howard said don't send him pizza. He said that's not good for him.
Erik said he and Gonzo are going to keep doing the podcast on PodTrash.com. Gonzo said he didn't agree to that. He said he's finding out about that now.
Howard said Erik is on the verge of tears. He asked what his last words to him were. Erik said he told him he had a cold. He said they went out to dinner for Christmas and it was the week before that. Howard asked if they're doing an autopsy. Erik said they are. Howard asked who paid for diner. Erik said Joey did. He said that was his Christmas gift to him. Gonzo said Joey was always generous like that. He said he always piked up the tab for Erik.
Howard asked if Erik will be at the funeral. Erik said he thinks so. HE's not sure if he'll get to speak. Shuli said he spoke at the vigil. Howard asked how he'll keep his legacy alive. Erik said he'll think about him all the time.
Howard asked if Erik will keep the Booey Bomb going. Erik said he's not sure he wants to get arrested. Howard said that's a good point. Howard asked if he'll get a Joey tattoo. Erik said he might. Howard asked to see the tattoos he has now. He has one that says ''Only God can judge me'' and ''True Player'' and the Howard Stern fist.
Howard said he's going to miss Joey a lot. He said it always made for a great laugh when he did that Booey bomb stuff. Howard said h loved it when he called in and when he came in. He said he's going to miss the Joey Boots who would apply ass cream to High Pitch. Erik said that he came in this morning and he's always there with him. Howard said he's going to miss him very much.
Howard said he wants to tell Erik that his health is like Joey's. Howard said he said that to Joey that he had to be careful himself. Howard said it will break his heart to lose Erik. Howard said he feels he's deteriorating too. Howard said he has to stop eating so much and take care of himself. Erik said he thinks that's a good idea. Howard said they can't lose Erik too.
Howard asked Erik if he could bring back Joey or just be with Donnie for the rest of his life, which would he choose. Erik picked bringing Joey back. He said he knew Joey longer than Donnie. Howard said he and Donnie would have a puppy together. Shuli said kittens too. Erik stuck with bringing Joey back.
Howard took some calls and Chad from St. Louis said that Joey was a good guy but he could be an asshole at times. Howard told him to stick to the nice part. Howard took a call from a woman who said she was at the vigil and the building Erik lives in is really nice. Howard said that was a nice tribute to the building.
Howard took a call from a guy who calls himself Bobo from California. he's the guy that got Erik the pizza. He said the pizza was more than just a pizza. He said it was 4 hamburger patties, a veal parm hero and 2 bottles of Pepsi. Howard asked if he really ate all of that. Erik said he can't help it. Howard asked if he ate it all at once. Erik said he had some the next day. Howard asked if he shit it all out at once. Erik said he did a few days later. Howard asked if he clogged the bowl. Erik said it all went down.
Howard asked Erik if he ate the pasta and burger patties. Erik said he had 2 of the patties but kept the pasta. Shuli said he had the deep fried patties. Howard asked what the bill was. Bobo from California said it was about 45 dollars. Erik said Bobo is a nice guy too. Howard said they must have thought that was for a family. Howard said the delivery boy is on the phone too. Howard took the call from the guys in the back who said they had more pizzas for Erik downstairs. He said they have a calzone shaped like a tombstone.
Howard said that's their tribute to Joey. Howard said they did over an hour and 20 minute long tribute. Howard asked Erik if his shit is like reddish. Erik said it's normal. Shuli said it must be loose. He said he remembers the Craptacular. He said he'd shit and the second to last shit he was down 12 ounces to Joey and in the last one he did a 12 ounce and then 4 more. Howard asked if it pokes out of the water. Erik said it does. He said he has to flush like 12 times.
Erik gave the list of Chinese food he orders from the Chinese take out. Howard was cracking up at what he was talking about. Shuli said Joey is up there looking down asking why he's there and Erik is still down there.
Howard said that some of the news reports were treating Joey as important as George Michael and Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. Gonzo said he'd bet he got more clicks than they did. He said he thinks Joey would expect all of this too.
Shuli asked if Erik still goes to the Chinese buffet. Erik said he won't be able to go now that Joey is gone. He ran down a list of what they'd eat. Erik said Joey would get beer. Howard cut him off saying that he has Mayor de Blasio on the phone. Erik said ''Oh fuck.'' Howard got him on and it was one of the guys in the back. Erik said he doesn't like de Blasio. Howard let them argue for a few seconds but cut fake de Blasio off.
Erik wondered if Donald Trump knows about this. Howard said he's sure he does. Erik said he wants to talk to him about his transition. Howard said he should stick to the Joey Boots funeral.
Robin asked if Erik called Joey's family. Erik said he thinks the police did that. He said they were calling his phone and the police answered that.
Howard thanked Gonzo for calling in. Gonzo talked about how nice Joey was and what he did for him. Howard said he's repeating himself now. He let Gonzo go.
Howard said it's like losing his left arm. He said Joey and Erik were like two peas in a pod. Howard asked if he can go on. Erik said he even helped him tie his shoes. Robin asked if he can tie them himself. Erik said not really. Shuli said he has to fall back on the bed to do it. He said it's fascinating to watch. Howard asked what he's going to do now. Erik said he has his health aide to help him. Howard said Joey was a big help to Erik. He put ass cream in his ass. Erik said he did that with a Q-tip. Erik had trouble doing that and wiping. Erik said he can do that now.
Howard said he heard a lot about what Joey did for Erik but not anything about what Erik did for Joey. Erik said he did bring him stuff when he was in the VA hospital. He said he brought him his wallet. Robin laughed.
Howard asked if Erik has any final words. Erik said he's going to miss Joey from the bottom of his heart but he will be with him forever and ever. Howard played a tribute song parody for Joey as he wrapped up.
Howard played a bit where the guys asked some people on the street to pretend to be witnesses to a Santa going on a rampage.
Howard also played a Celebrity Apprentice bit with phony Arnold Schwarzenegger rehearsing his lines for the show.
They played a clip of High Pitch Erik doing a job interview thing. They went to break after that.
Howard said Zsa Zsa Gabor died too. She was 99 years old. Howard said they thought she was dead already. Howard said that someone asked if he died would his mother die of a broken heart. Howard said no way. He said she'll stick around. Howard did an impression of his mother talking about him doing things that she didn't tell him to do so she's not going.
Robin said that Debbie Reynolds did have some health issues. Howard asked if she didn't die of a broken heart then. Robin said she's not saying that. She said she was taken to the hospital during that time. Howard did more of his mother's voice and had her talking about Howard dying and how she's not going. He had his dad saying he should have taken better care of himself. Robin asked why Ben and Ray were hanging on. Howard had them talking about how they don't even know.
Robin said some people just want to live. Robin said her mom died at 90. She said when she visited her in the hospital she said she didn't think she was going to make it to 100 and she wondered why she'd even want to. Robin said she wasn't even having a good time. Howard said you can see why Sumner Redstone would want to. He said he has people who straddle him and clip his toenails.
Howard said they rang in the new year with Gary's Phlem song. He played a song parody to the tune of Auld Lang Syne.
Howard asked if Robin did anything on New Year's Eve. Robin said she went to see Othello on Broadway. She said that it was Daniel Craig and Daniel Oyelowo were in it. Robin said John Lithgow was there too. She said as she was leaving she met a guy who she had met with Ralph who was with John Lithgow. She was brought back stage to meet the actors. Robin said as they were walking in she saw this tiny lady and it turned out to be Sally Field. She got to hang out with all of them the night before New Year's Eve. Robin said it was an exciting day. Robin said they were all nice and pleasant. Robin said she gave up trying to explain who she was.
Howard said he's glad he wasn't there. Robin said he would have loved it. Howard said he'd rather hang out with High Pitch Erik. Howard said Sally Field had no idea who she was? Robin said she did when she explained who she was. Robin said John Lithgow was excited to see her but Daniel Craig and Daniel Oyelowo had no idea who she was.
Robin asked what Howard did. Howard said he went out to dinner at 6:30 and then went to a party. He said they stayed for 10 minutes and then he told Beth he can't handle this so they left. He said they were in bed by 8. He said they tried to stay up but he couldn't do it. Robin said she saw they had New Year's Rockin' Eve in Prime Time. She said no one can watch that. Howard said he did. He said the whole show was a train wreck. He said that the Mariah Carey thing was a mess. Robin said everyone is blaming everyone else for that. Howard played some audio of Mariah's performance. Howard said now it's a huge viral hit. Robin said the audience kept singing even when Mariah stopped. Howard said she wasn't able to hear it so she stopped singing. Howard said the best part of that fiasco was that the dancers were doing their job and didn't stop. Howard said one guy lifted her up.
Howard said he watched some of the Pitbull special. He said he did 2 songs and then threw it to Snoop Dogg who just stands there. Howard said Ryan Seacrest is kind of creepy. He said it's still called Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve. Howard said maybe they should take his name off of that. Howard said Ryan is like Dick Clark Jr. but not really. He said it's very odd that he's pretending to be Dick Clark.
Robin said that there used to be Guy Lombardo who would do it and then they kept his name on it. Robin said now they do it with Dick Clark. Howard said it's still Dick Clark Productions. Howard said then Ryan comes on. He said Dick must have liked Ryan. He said he was like his Robin to his Batman. Howard said why not get someone who sings like Guy Lombardo. Howard said the people on the street are like the Walking Dead. Howard said Jenny McCarthy must be thinking the people are mentally ill down there. Howard said even de Blasio asked who the fuck these people are who want to stand down there. Howard said he was glad he said that. Howard said it must bring in a lot of money to the city.
Howard said here were a lot of Japanese people in the crowds there. Howard said he would have loved it if they had embalmed Dick Clark and made him appear. He said they could work his body like a Muppet. Howard said it would be awesome. Howard said Ryan Seacrest is working that whole deal.
Howard said Beth wasn't feeling well so she went to bed early. Howard said they went to that party and it was fine but he gets weirded out. Howard said he would go to parties and no one would pay attention to him. He said now they pay attention to him and that weirds him out. He said he saw Jill Brook at he party. He said hi to her. She said that Gary told her she can't be on the show so he spent the rest of the night running away from her. Robin said she did that with Cheech and Chong. Robin said Tommy pulled her aside and said they had to talk about Gary. Howard said Gary is ruining more of his friendships. Robin said that she has to get a list of people not to approach.
Howard said Jill Brook was saying that she stuck up for him with the FCC. Howard said he told her that he was going to talk to Gary about that. He said she found him 5 minutes later saying the same thing. Howard said Gary is out of control not letting anyone on the show. Robin said that's why they don't have any guests on the show today. Howard said Gary has to cock block everyone on the show.
Howard said Lenny Dykstra has a message for the new year. Howard played that and Lenny wished Robin a happy new year. He said she should let him eat her pussy every day because she deserves it. Robin said ''Oh my god!''
Howard said they had their Christmas party. He said Ronnie was doing Karaoke again. He said that he was almost going to cancel it this year. He said he wanted to do something different. He said maybe a big lunch or something. He said his wife told him it was a bad idea. He said that she thinks the tradition should continue. He said that he Karaoke starts while they're talking. He said it was a nice conversation they had going and then the music starts. Howard had some audio of Ronnie singing ''Backstreet's Back...'' Howard said Ronnie loves to be the center of attention. He said they had a tape this morning of Ronnie performing. Gary said it was from New Year's Eve. He said that it was Ronnie wishing everyone a ''Happy fucking new year.'' Howard said there are some people on the staff with an unquenchable thirst for attention.
Ronnie came in and defended himself saying that people like that stuff. He said everyone has a good time. Howard said he wasn't having a good time at the Christmas party. Ronnie said Howard was gone by then. Howard said he was not. Ronnie said he's not coming to his fucking parties anymore. He said he wasn't the only one singing. He said he's being chastised for this and he was trying to have a good time. Howard said he was trying to have a good time too.
Howard played more of Ronnie singing and said that when he starts singing ';Turn Back Time'' he knows it's time to leave. Howard played more of Ronnie singing and Robin was cracking up. Howard said he sang Jingle Bell Rock too. Ronnie was yelling stuff out and barely singing. Ronnie said he doesn't give a shit.
Howard said he was having a good time at the party and the owner came over saying he must be having a good time because it was late. Howard said he looks at his watch and it was 10:30 so he left. Howard said he wasn't even thinking about leaving until he said something.
Howard said on New Year's Eve he didn't last more than 10 minutes at a party. Howard asked how late Ronnie slept the next day. Ronnie said it was like 10:30. He said he was up until 2:30. He said they got up and took down the Christmas lights. Howard said he has tremendous vitality.
Howard said JD left the Christmas party before he did. He said that kind of bummed him out. He said that he puts a lot of money into that thing. JD said he didn't want to leave. His girlfriend had to work or something according to Howard. Ronnie said they closed things up at midnight anyway. He said they had to do that because in the past they'd linger until 2:30.
Howard asked Ronnie about going out to the restaurant until 2:30 in the morning. Ronnie said it's a place he knows and there are people there he knows too.
Howard said he liked that Ronnie told that story about jerking off to his parents having sex. He said he loved that story. Ronnie said he heard that because they replayed it a lot. Howard said he can't imagine jerking off to that. He said it shows that Ronnie really thought it was a good time to shoot off a load.
Howard said he thinks Ronnie would still do that today. Ronnie laughed and said no way that would happen. Howard let Ronnie go a short time later. Howard said he loves Ronnie's ''Duu'' clip too.
Howard said he was angry because the crew took a long time to set up at his house. He said he was crotchety. Howard played another clip of Jerry talking about how he's still writing and it's just as hard as it has been. Howard said from what he read they say that they were working on a story about 10 people in their 90s who still work in show business. He said the other 9 interviews went well but this one was tough.
Howard played a clip of the interview coming to an end and Jerry telling them to ''clean it out of here.'' Howard took a call from Jerry Lewis. the guys in the back were playing clips of Jerry giving those one word answers to Howard when he'd ask questions.
Howard said that seemed to go much better. Robin said it was about the same. Howard said he has a review of 2016 to play. Robin said go ahead. Howard said he has to take a break first. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said a year ago he signed a new contract. He said they had ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' as the big phrase. Ronnie got engaged. He said that the presidential premieres got started. He said Beetlejuice shit on the floor. Steve from Florida was still Bobo.
Howard said that ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' got big really quick. Howard said they had restaurants name dishes after that. He said that it was on two comic book covers and it was used in a commercial and mentioned on a bunch of TV shows. Howard said that Nik Ruckert came up with it and Jason made it extra annoying to Jon Hein. Howard played a clip of Jason doing that.
Howard had a clip of Mad Dog Russo introducing them to some clips of some of the best ''Hit 'em with the Hein's'' that were used in 2016. They had a bunch of clips from many different shows and sporting events.
Howard said some people think it's weird that Joey Boots was the one who said Baba Booey the most because it's like a conspiracy to get ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' to be used more. Howard said Sarah Silverman used a Baba Booey at the Democratic National Convention. Howard played a clip of her doing that. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel used it on the Emmys. Howard played that clip too. Howard said it's very impressive between those two.
Howard said they have some great ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' songs. He said they have Rick Astley and Charlie Puth who used it. Howard played the clip and they had a bunch of song parodies that were created last year. Howard said even the guys from Cypress Hill did a song. Howard played that too.
Howard said the second biggest thing in 2016 was Donald Trump being elected. Howard said they had many of the candidates call in over the year. Howard played some audio of fake Hillary calling in. He had clips of fake Trump and fake Bernie Sanders on the show as well. He also had a fake Jesse Ventura clip.
Howard said they also had Brent getting his balls waxed as a highlight of the year. He had a montage of the screams that Brent let out when he was getting waxed. Howard said that was the world's dumbest bet. Robin said it was so off the mark. Robin said he was so wrong.
Howard said he has more year in review clips to play. Howard said the Wack Pack was very big in 2016. He said in January they had their Special People's Court. Howard said High Pitch Erik made threats against Elephant Boy on social media. He said they had a trial to find out who was at fault. Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult was the judge. Howard had some clips from that segment. He had one of Wendy talking about how she's half human and half retarded. He had some audio of Wendy making all kinds of weird noises on the microphone too. Howard played some audio of High Pitch Erik getting his punishment from Will the Farter.
Howard said it was a great year. He said god only knows what's coming up in 2017. He said they introduced Marfan Mike in 2016. He said that got kind of crazy. Howard played some audio of Marfan Mike talking about going to school with High Pitch Erik. They explained what he Marfan affliction is.
Howard said Beetlejuice visited them this year and he shit on the floor. Howard played a clip of Gary talking about how Robin found the shit after Beetlejuice was in the bathroom.
Howard said a lot of the review has to do with shitting. Howard said that wasn't the worst one. Robin asked what was. Howard said Wendy was doing impressions for them on the couch and she shit herself. Howard played a clip of Wendy laughing and saying that she had just shit her pants. Howard said that she was there the same day that Hugh Grant was there. Howard said he never said anything.
Howard said the best moment with Medicated Pete was when he showed his penis to Robin. Howard played a clip of Robin seeing it. Howard said he did have a big penis. Howard said he thinks back on that and it's such a waste.
Howard said they should remember that Shuli discovered that Medicated Pete will never hang up first. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Pete and never hanging up. Pete won't hang up so he keeps saying goodbye but won't hang up.
Howard said that Pete is still saying goodbye. He said he can't believe it's 2017. He said when he was a kid he used to wonder if he'd be alive in 1984. He said then he thought about the year 2000. He said now it's 2017. Robin said in high school they used to think about how old they'd be in 2000. Howard said he used to think about 2001 a Space Odyssey and how wild things might be in 2000. He said it's really not that crazy other than the internet.
Howard said in 2016 Steve from Florida (formerly known as Bobo) got himself into some trouble. Howard said Bobo had to write an essay and he wrote about Richard Nixon and got a D grade. Howard said he was stripped of his name Bobo and he didn't take that news well. Howard played a clip of Bobo talking about how that's going to kill him. They had some song parodies about the name change in there too.
Howard asked if he should keep going. Robin said yes. She said she forgets about the things that happened this year. Howard said there were a lot of things that happened. Howard said they lost Joey Boots. They lost a lot of celebrities too. Howard said they have an In Memorium tribute read by Asian Pete and Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard played that and they read the names and Asian Pete's list was completely unintelligible. Howard said he may have asked the wrong two guys to do that. Robin said she thought Elephant Boy said ''Gary Fisher'' when he said Carrie Fisher.
Howard said he can translate. He said it was Muhammad Ali, Glenn Frey, John Zacherley, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Gene Wilder, Prince, Carrie Fisher, Garry Shandling, Crackhead Bob, Debbie Reynolds, David Bowie, Leonard Cohen and George Michael.
Howard said Robin sang ''Hallelujah'' in honor of Leonard Cohen's death. Howard played audio of Robin singing that.
Howard said they lost Crackhead Bob last January. He said they had a tribute song for him. Howard played that song.
Howard said they also lost David Bowie in 2016. He said Aurora came in and performed ''Life on Mars'' for them. Howard played that performance and then went to break.
After the live commercial read Howard came back and got back to his year in review. He said he left off with Aurora. He said Gonzo Shitcock is saying he says Chipotle wrong. Howard said he's saying it right. Gonzo told him how to say it right. Howard said he really doesn't give a fuck. Gonzo said he's out there eating it. Howard said this is how he says goodbye. He said Chipotle and hung up.
Howard said in 2016 they had Aurora and also Natalie Maines telling them about some of their other great performances. Natalie mentioned Sting performing on the show. Howard had some audio of him, Lady Gaga, Peter Frampton, Green Day, Cheap Trick, Bon Jovi and Metallica.
Howard said they had a big special where they covered the Beatles Revolver album. Howard said Cheap Trick was one of the first to contribute a song to that special. Howard played some of their song. Howard asked what some of the lyrics meant. Howard said Psych did his own tribute to their tribute where he did Robin song parodies to the tune of all of the Revolver album songs. Howard played one of those parodies. Howard said he did the whole album.
Howard said Steve Martin was on the show in 2016. Howard said Steve Martin tweeted about Carrie Fisher's death and it was so nice. He said that people got upset about what he said and he had to take it down. Howard said it was so weird to him. He said he defends him on that. Robin said it's the political correctness that people are all about. Robin said he was just a boy at the time and that's how he felt.
Howard ran through some of the revelations they had over 2016. He had Tracy Morgan talking about the first time he had sex after his accident.
Howard said Khloe Kardashian revealed she has dick sucking lips. He had a clip of her talking about that and giving blow jobs. Howard said he liked that.
Howard said Rob Reiner told them about grabbing Mary Tyler Moore's ass when he was 14. Howard said Ben Stiller came in and revealed he had prostate cancer. Howard said Maria Menounos was in and got engaged on the show. Robin asked when that wedding is. Howard said he hasn't seen anything. Howard played a clip of Kevin proposing to Maria.
Howard said they're still together. Howard said they had a bunch of first time guests on the show. He ran down a list of some of those guests. Robin said Kate Hudson ran into the bathroom and smelled a big shit and probably thought it was her. Robin said it wasn't her though.
Howard said Olivia Wilde was on the show talking about the Merkin she wore in an episode of the show Vinyl. Howard played a clip of her talking about the Merkin.
Howard said Dana Carvey was on the show talking about Keith Richards talking to a horse costume. Howard played a clip of Dana talking about that.
Howard said he has a couple more things to mention. He said SiriusXM had a good 2016. Howard said they announced they had 30 million subscribers. Howard said they had a big celebration on the show. Howard played some audio from that day. Howard said that's something.
Howard said they had their first musical hit with La Cunte Calda. He played the remix they did for the show. Howard said it never did take off like they hoped it would. Howard said Julian Velard did his own version of the song. He played some of that performance from the Wrap Up Show. Howard said imagine he had a hit with that song.
Howard said in 2016 they created some funny characters on the show. He played a clip of the Bikram Yoga guy voice he did. They had clips of Ronnie the Robot, JDini, Speech Impediment Man's lawyer, Lee Kingsnatch and more.
Howard said they also had Wendy Kruger sit in for Gary as producer. They had Underdog Lady too. Howard played a clip of Rachel Butera doing her Underdog Lady voice as she was producing the show.
Howard said they also realized that Lenny Dykstra is creepier than Ronnie. Howard had some clips from Lenny's appearances from 2016.
Howard said they had Eric Andre in and they did Prostate Karaoke. He said that he staff was great and went along with it. Howard had a clip of Andy Cohen talking about that segment. They played some audio of the guys singing as they were going through the prostate check.
Howard said he should mention more great staff moments from 2016. Howard asked Robin if it's Jason masterminding ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' or Brent being the most knowledgeable guy on the staff. Howard played some clips of Brent talking about various things on the show. Howard said that's pretty valuable stuff. Howard said both Sal and Richard took the lie detector test to find out if they were gay and they both turned out to be lying about not being gay. He played a clip of Richard talking about the test. Howard said Ronnie proposed on the show to Stephanie. Howard said he botched it and he had to save it for him. Howard played a clip of Ronnie telling Stephanie to get the ring out of his sneaker in the closet. Howard said that Ronnie also revealed he jerked off to hearing his parents having a threesome. Howard played audio of that too. Howard said Hitler had more charm than Ronnie does. Howard said Ronnie might be the best staff member this year. Robin said they also pranked Sal making him think he was middle eastern. Howard said they have to applaud all of the staff.
Robin said they had JDini too. Howard said there are so many great things. He said he wanted to do some sort of review. Howard said to close it out he's going to have all of the things he hated in 2016. He played a montage of him talking about the things he hates. Howard said who knows what he'll hate this year. Robin said she's sure he'll hate things this year too.
Howard said he even hates that clip of the things he hates. He said he could sing a song to close this out but it's getting late and he thinks people are sick of it. Howard wrapped up the 2016 Year in Review by singing a song about what happened last year. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said she didn't know that on private jets that you can get just about anything you want when you are someone like Sumner Redstone. Howard said they worked for him back at K-Rock. Howard said this guy is still horny even at his age. Robin said Sumner would ask the flight attendants to unbuckle his seat belt and then undo his pants. Howard said he also asked them to pull his penis out of his pants. Robin said he also had his toenails clipped on the flight. Robin said he would have the women sit on his lap and face his feet. Then he'd ask them to do it pantyless and give them money to do it. Howard said they didn't have a problem working for the guy. He said that's the kind of story you expect to hear about Howard Stern doing. Robin said they had to sign ethics clauses when they worked for him. Howard said Ronnie is pervy but he just stares out the window when he's on a private jet. Robin said they recently announced he's stepping down from the Viacom board. Robin read more of the things people are accusing Sumner of doing over the years. Howard made up some weirder stuff that he could ask for on the private jet. He came up with some really wacky stuff. He did a live commercial read after that. Howard said on that plane he could have made some good money. He got into the crazy Sumner Redstone stuff again.
Howard said poor Joey Boots isn't there to hear the show today. He said the show has been exceptional. Robin read a story about Carrie Fisher and her mom Debbie Reynolds dying over the holiday. Robin said Mark Hamill has opened up about it in the Hollywood Reporter. Robin said that Mark talked about what his relationship was like with Carrie Fisher over the years. Robin said Mark says that she was a handful but his life would have been much less interesting if she wasn't in it. Robin said Carrie's daughter has also opened up about her mother's death. Robin said her daughter is 24 years old. Robin said her daughter is Billie Lourd and she talked about how she's going to miss her mom and grandmother.
Robin read a story about some of the other people who died in 2016. Robin said they lost Nancy Reagan, George Martin, Keith Emerson, Morley Safer and Patty Duke too. Robin said those are some you may not remember losing. Robin said Garry Marshall, Lou Pearlman also passed away last year. Howard said he tried listening to the Prince interview he did with Arsenio Hall and it was so hard to listen to. He said Prince would barely give an answer. Howard said Jerry Lewis put more effort into his interview with the Hollywood Reporter. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the new year celebrations that were going on. Robin said that Donald Trump spent his New Year's Eve in Florida at Mar-A-Lago with Sylvester Stallone. Robin said people were taking pictures with Fabio there. Robin said they had a fund raiser there.
Robin read a story about how Apple had some of the biggest holiday tech gifts. Robin said they say that 44 percent of devices activated this holiday season were from Apple. Robin said they doubled Samsung's numbers. Howard asked what people are buying. He said he has the iPhone, the iPad and the computer. Robin said maybe they're updating their computers and things like that. Howard asked if Robin bought the headphones yet. Robin said she has not. Robin said Samsung had 21 percent of activations. Robin had some other companies that make devices as well. Howard asked how we know that the Chinese companies aren't putting something in their phones to spy on us. Robin said we don't know.
Robin read a story about French workers having the right to disconnect from the internet. Robin said they have the legal right to unplug from work emails outside of work hours.
Robin read about the House of Representatives starting up again today. Robin read some details about that. Howard also mentioned that the guy who played Father Mulcahy (William Christopher) on MASH died too. Howard said Dr. Bombay died too. Robin said she almost mentioned him. Howard said he loved that show ''Bewitched.'' Howard said that guy
Robin read a story about someone vandalizing the Hollywood sign to read Hollyweed. Howard said he had no problem with that. Robin said Montel Williams did. Howard asked where they dug him up. Howard said someone told him Montel lives under the sign but he knows that's not true.
Robin read about how Bruce Springsteen's tour is taking the number one spot around the world. Robin said they say that they raked in $268 million last year. Robin said Beyonce is second and Coldplay is third.
Robin read a story about Deadpool being the most pirated movie of 2016. Howard said he doesn't like that. He said the movies are big gambles and just pay for the fucking movie. Robin said many don't pay for it. Robin said the pirated copies are never good though. Robin said it was a big hit and it was the still the sixth highest grossing movie of the year. Howard said they say that Sharknado was the least pirated movie of the year.
Howard asked what the most romantic movie of all time was. Robin said it was ''When Harry Met Sally.'' Howard said he thinks it was Pretty Woman. Howard said Julia Roberts was like 20 years old at the time. He said it was fucking great. Robin said it was unrealistic though. Howard said Julia looked so sweet in that movie. Robin said she doesn't think about that movie being romantic. Howard said most hookers look like Benjy. He said they should do a remake with Benjy playing both the guy and the hooker.
Robin read a story about Julian Asange saying that the Russians having nothing to do with the leaked emails that he put on Wikileaks. Robin said the CIA says that they are behind the cyber attack.
Robin read a story about a terrorist attack in Turkey that killed a bunch of people. Robin said at least 12 people have been arrested.
Howard said no one there knows if Scott the Engineer was at the Christmas party. Howard said it's odd that no one knows. He said that's Scott. Howard wondered if he was there. Howard said he actually doesn't want to know. He asked Gary if anyone back there knows. Gary said someone thinks he was there. Ronnie told Gary that Scott wasn't there. Howard said you'd think he'd show up. Howard said he's not having the party next year. Jason said Scott gets so angry when he's not invited to things. Howard said maybe it's good he didn't show up because he didn't want to leave the party this year.
Robin said our president is the Executive Producer of The Celebrity Apprentice and Arnold Schwarzenegger is now the host. Robin said he's got a new catch phrase. She played a clip of Arnold saying that someone was ''terminated'' and told her to get to the chopper. Howard said it makes no sense that he became a big film star. Howard said he's kind of shocked he's bothering with this show. Howard asked if he needs money. Robin said no. She said he can't leave the spotlight. Howard said when Arnold does interviews there's no small talk. He just gets right to talking about Celebrity Apprentice.
Robin read a story about President Obama will be giving a farewell speech and Trump may do one the day after.
Robin said Bruce Springsteen was on Marc Maron's podcast talking about what he thinks about Donald Trump. Howard said Bruce will do a podcast but he won't come in there? Robin said they should tell him they're doing a podcast.
Howard said up till now everyone who has hosted The Apprentice has gone on to be president. Robin said that's right.
Robin read a story about how drinking too much can damage your heart. Robin said they said it can cause an irregular heartbeat and other problems. Robin said this is a new thing. Howard said all he has to do is look at Richard Christy and he can tell it's bad for you. He said that guy has turned orange.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was doing something that Robin would make fun of him for. He was handicapping some of the candidates on The Bachelor. Howard said it's this girl, for those who are watching... He got distracted and said it beat The Apprentice and that Jimmy isn't into it. He said he was talking to JD about it but he only watches it for work. He said he has to pull some clips of the vocal fry on the show. Howard said he doesn't know when this happened. Howard said if Beth starts vocal fry he'd be out the door. He said that any woman can get rid of him with that.
Howard said he picks a girl every season and he's always wrong. JD said he thinks the woman who he has a connection with never called him back. He banged her already. JD said he can't believe he's talking about this. He said she didn't like him until she saw him on Bachelor in Paradise. Howard said that's a good way to evaluate someone. Howard said the girl who is the best candidate is the one who was told not to go on the show by her friends because the guy is a shithead.
Howard said he'd go out with the hottest chick and see how it goes. He said that's what his problem is. He said he'd just move on if it didn't work out. Fred played a Andy Cohen clip where he warns everyone about the gay conversation that's happening.
Howard said the next Bachelor should be Sumner Redstone. JD said if you watch what's going to happen this season you see that some of the African American's go far in the season and that doesn't usually happen.
Howard said Sumner would be the best Bachelor. He said he'd offer a rose and have them shit on his chest and clip his toe nails. Howard said he wants to offer you some money and do something bizarre. Howard said he'd have them bring him a glass of water and piss on him.
Howard said according to the story that the stewardess told there are some normal things and then some really abnormal things that Sumner would ask her to do. Howard said it escalates. He said that would be some season of The Bachelor. He said he'd give them 10 grand and have them do something really weird. Howard made up some more things that he could have them do to him. Howard said he'd give them a million dollars to rub his feet but then rub their soiled panties on his face. Howard said if some guy is going to give you a million bucks to do something normal and something gross... Howard laughed. He made up more crazy stuff. Howard said clipping his toe nails is gross too. He said a lot of old people get that green toe nail thing. Howard said it's like Gary toe nails. He said he saw Gary's nails and they were gross. He said they were like 3 times as thick as they should be. Howard said he hoped he didn't catch him staring at his hooves.
Howard said he's obsessed with Sumner Redstone. He said that story yesterday was something. Howard said he asks for his ear hair to be trimmed. Robin said he asked the flight attendant to undo his seat belt and then his pants. Howard made up more and had him having his shirt undone but then asking for his dingleberries to be played with. Howard said he'd ask for his nose to be blown and then have his asshole rimmed. Howard said the guy is 93 years old.
Howard said it's a mundane action and the something completely vile. Howard said he could ask for pancakes and then ask for his testicle to be stomped on. Robin said he must have loved it when Janet Jackson's breast was revealed on his network. Howard made up more crazy stuff.
Howard said Lenny Dykstra said he's really creeped out by Sumner. Howard said he didn't mean to talk about Sumner. He said he just can't help it. Howard said all of this stuff goes down on his private jet. Howard said he drops the chairman of the board act on the jet. Robin asked how many feet you have to be up. Howard said it's 10,000 feet like when you have Wi-Fi.
Howard asked Robin if she'd rather have Lenny Dykstra or Sumner Redstone. Robin said Lenny might win if that's the choice. Howard said Lenny is saying now that Robin just said she wants him. Howard said he thinks Sumner has his own teeth. Howard asked if Robin would rather be with Sumner or drown. Robin said drown. Howard said Sumner has some creepy stuff going on. He said he's got so much money to spend on these women to do these weird things. Howard said they have to do this weird stuff to him.
Howard asked if Robin would rather be buried alive or be with Sumner. Robin said she might have to be with Sumner. Howard had her making a salad for Sumner and then dropping a weight on his balls. Howard said he has a pattern that guy. Robin said it's consistent. Howard said he asks the woman to go buy some milk and then asks her to pour it in her asshole.
Howard asked Robin if she'd rather have Sumner or Cosby. Robin said he'll knock her out so she won't know what's going on. She'd go with Cosby on this one. Howard said he hears her. He said he's not a woman but he gets it.
Howard said he thinks it's a bad move for Megyn. He said that FOX News is so good with the way they do things. He said she worked well in that format. He said you tune in to hear people arguing and see rapidly moving news stories. He said she was the second highest rated performer over there. Howard said Bill O'Reilly is number 1. Howard said he knew what he was tuning in for over there even if he didn't know what time Megyn was on. Howard said if you tune in for the news then you're out there.
Howard said Megyn was offered 20 million to stay at FOX News from what he read. Howard said she was doing to have some perks like hosting the debate and all of that. Howard said he likes Christ Wallace too. He said now Megyn is going to NBC and they seduced her by giving her $15 million but the role is unclear. She'll have a daytime talk show. He said on FOX that works. He said daytime TV on NBC doesn't work. Howard said it's a different thing. Howard said the demographics don't work. He said that people aren't tuning in for that kind of thing. He said that's what they're looking for on FOX News.
Howard said being a news person is just like any other show business job. He said it's no different than a Kardashian. Howard said that these agents don't know what the fuck they're doing. Howard said they call themselves agents but they don't know what they're doing. Howard said it's rare that you meet someone who knows what they're doing. Howard said they don't know better than you do. Robin said Howard probably knows better. Howard said he would have used NBC to leverage a better deal out of FOX. Robin said that was a perfect place for her. Howard said it was.
Howard read that she's going to host a show that will compete against 60 Minutes. Howard said now she's got 50 jobs over there. Howard said she's going to have a lot of work there. Howard said she should have stayed at FOX. He said this is a huge mistake. He said she'll be on in the morning and at night. Howard said all of the shows will fail. He said that she wanted to spend time with her family so this is one of the reasons she moved.
Howard said last night Arnold kicked off George Takei. He played a fake clip of Arnold talking to George in a bit the guys created.
Howard said when he read that Arnold was taking over that show he knew it wasn't going to work. Howard said he's like a giant puppet. He said you need a brilliant guy like Ivan Reitman tell him what to do. Robin said you have a hit if you have that. Howard said you get ''Twins'' if you have them working together. Howard said a dating show with Arnold and 20 maids would be good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard and Robin are motivated by money. Howard cut him off and said he's really not. Robin said she's turned down money to stick with that show. Howard said they offered Robin a ton of money to stay with the Grease Man in Washington DC. He said Robin turned that down. Howard said he wanted her not to take that job because he wanted to work with her but he asked if she was high when she turned it down. Howard said she took a shitty job in Baltimore. Howard said Robin is not motivated by money.
Howard said no one got into radio for money when he first started out. He said he thought that it would be a high of $250 a week. He said that he didn't get into it for money. Howard said he's not even sure why he's in it now.
The caller said maybe things were toxic for Megyn over at FOX. Howard said it's toxic everywhere. Howard said it sucks everywhere. Howard said if NBC smells failure with Megyn they're going to discredit her. Howard said the guy who hired her can't have that shit pinned on him so he's going to discredit her if she fails. Howard asked who it is that runs NBC. Gary threw out a few names but he didn't get it right. Jason came up with Steve Burke. Howard said he's right. He said Steve will go after her if she fails. Howard said then they'll find someone else to fire on top of that.
The caller asked Howard about his NBC days and how his parents were on a TV commercial. Howard said they were. Howard said NBC made a commercial with his parents. The caller said that he remembers what they said. Howard said he thinks they were actually actors and not his real parents. Howard said he can't even remember. He said he thinks he liked the actors better than his real parents.
Robin asked what else people were asking him about in the news. Howard said there were a bunch of things. Howard said there was a story about a woman who is being pardoned for some crime she committed where a cop was killed. Howard said they say she's a model prisoner now but let her have a good life in her next life. Howard said Governor Cuomo may know something else about this story that he doesn't. Howard said the woman was the driver in the crime. Howard said he read that she was laughing in court when the case was going on. Robin said she could have prevented the crime so she was part of it and she should serve the time.
Howard said he only reads half the article so he's only going on half the information. Robin said a couple of cops were killed and just one does it for her.
Robin also mentioned that Charles Manson is out of prison and in the hospital. Howard said the headline he was reading says ''Satan calls for the devil.'' He said that doesn't make sense. He said that guy could operate. Howard said he has a hot, young chick that he wants to marry. Howard said he's in jail and he's got a girl. Howard said he's a cocksman like Ronnie. He said it must be the swastika carved in his head.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Joey Boots. He said someone asked how long these Wack Packers can live. Howard said Rappin' Granny was in her 90s. Howard said Blue Iris was 62. He said Crackhead Bob was 56. Joey was 49. Howard said Celestine was 41. Howard said Kenneth Keith Kallenbach was 39. He said Hank was also 39. Howard said Eric the Actor was 39 too. Howard said Big Foot Matt was only 32. He had a weird head and other problems. Howard said his head looked like it had been in a vice. Howard said he has been quoted saying that having a Wack Packer is like having a dog. You know you'll outlive them.
Howard had Ham Hands Bill on the phone and asked how old he is. Bill said he's 42. Howard said we probably don't have much time. Bill said he wanted to say that he and Joey met at the VA hospital 4 times last year. He said he saw him a few days before he died and he was in pain and he regrets not asking him more questions. He said he was up there to have some things done. Howard asked if he lost his legs in the military. Bill said he was in the Army. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard said Bill was on the show the first time and won a Jet Ski. He said they didn't know he was in a wheelchair. Howard said he was happy about the win though. Bill said he made some money off of that. He said that he kept it a secret. Howard thanked him for the nice words about Joey. Bill said he feels super bad for not asking more questions. He said that they did some tests with him. Howard said he only understands a word out of a few of what Bill says.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to allow Steve from Florida (Bobo) to call in and talk about Joey Boots. Howard said he is banned from the show for 2 weeks so they can't break that. Howard said Steve did call in on the voicemail and he can play that. Howard said they can listen to his voicemail but not when he calls in. Howard said he has to find it. Howard found the clip and played Steve from Florida talking about Joey's death. In the clip Steve said he's hating the new name already. Steve said he had a few words to read about Joey's passing. He read from something he wrote about Joey. Steve had some nice words about Joey. Howard said somehow he feels worse. He said that was worse than his essay. Howard said he likes when he says he was ''wery sad.''
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said they should have some kind of award for Joey at The Gathering of the Stupid. Howard said he likes how they do 50 tributes on Howard 100 and 101 and then she has more to add. Howard said he feels like a dick like he didn't do it. Howard said she should have her own show to produce. Howard told her to stop producing his show and go make breakfast for her family.
Howard said the Gathering is all fucked up now because High Pitch Erik went and made friends with Marfan Mike. Howard said he has to rethink that whole thing. Howard kept goofing on Mariann for suggesting more stuff for the show for Joey Boots. Howard said they have a tribute to Joey all week long on Sternthology on Howard 101. He made up more stuff that she could have him do. He was doing an impression of Mariann as he did that. Howard played a song that High Pitch Erik sang for Joey. He kept going with the Mariann stuff too.
Howard said Joey was very generous with his time. Howard said he would go around yelling about Howard Stern's penis. Howard said he was great. Howard did more of his Mariann voice and had him doing more tribute stuff. Howard said she's a character.
Robin asked if they have any further information on Joey's funeral. Howard said not yet. He said Gary is monitoring that. Robin asked if he'd ever go to a Wack Packer funeral. Howard said most families don't want them there. Howard said they're asked to stay away.
Howard took a call from a guy who said yesterday they were talking about the Beatles song ''She Said, She Said'' and he has some information on that. He told Howard that they were tripping on acid and Peter Fonda was there and George Harrison came up to him and told him he knows what it's like to be dead and claimed that he died 3 times when he was a kid and shot himself in the stomach. He said that's where that song came from. Howard said it doesn't make sense to him. The caller said they took the dark part of that story and turned it into an argument.
Fred said that he has to get this out about Joey. He said Joey said things about him. Howard said he's zoned out now. Fred was still talking but Fred Norris was playing snoring sounds. Howard said Joey called Fred the Elephant Boy a shitty pants retard. Fred said he doesn't like being called a retard. He said he never got along with him because of that.
Howard said Joey called him some names and he wants to keep it real by balancing things out. Robin asked if he just said it once is that an indication of who Joey was. Elephant Boy said something unintelligible about that. Elephant Boy mentioned Mariann too but I'm not sure what he said about her. Howard said for a mush mouth he sure is long winded.
Howard asked how old Elephant Boy is. Elephant Boy said he's 58. Howard said he just had a pacemaker put in and he had to be defibrilated. Elephant Boy said he did. He said he had to get a pacemaker and he almost blacked out before the procedure. He mentioned Mariann again but Howard said we get it and cut him off. They played some music to play him off the stage. Elephant Boy apologized to Mariann as he was being played off.
Howard said there was a lot to that story but he doesn't have the patience to hear it all. Howard played the Cheap Trick ''She Said, She Said'' cover song. Howard said this is so beautiful. He said he knows a fact about it. He said McCartney didn't play on the Beatles version. He said George played bass for the song. He said they had a fight and Paul left. Howard said that peace and love shit was all bullshit.
Howard said even when even when Ringo does his ''Peace and Love'' thing it's said with anger. Fred played Ringo's clip where he's doing the peace and love thing. Howard said that is an angry peace and love. He said it's more like he's saying fuck you and eat shit cock suckers.
Howard said that's his favorite clip. He said it sounds like he's saying anything but Peace and Love. He said it's like Rot in Hell, Rot in Hell. Fred said it's like Lick my Balls, Lick my Balls. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he's ready to go back to bed now. He said he stayed up late to watch The Bachelor last night. They went to break after that.
Howard said he has so much to talk about and he's not sure where to begin. He said he began an hour ago but he has more. He said he thought when he came there to satellite that he'd have no commercials and he'd just talk for 4 hours. He said he would only take breaks to pee.
Howard said he has some Underdog clips to play. He said she was on some cable access show or something. Howard said it might be an internet show. He said she's on this show called Checkerboard Kids and they have her sing Christmas songs in Latin. Howard said he watched the whole show and he had to fast forward a lot. Howard said then Shuli showed up. He said he just kind of walked in on the show like he walks in on this show. He said he does it like he walks in on this show and he's not even introduced.
Howard played a clip of Underdog Lady (Suzanne Muldowney) talking about why she sings Christmas songs in Latin. She said it started in high school. She said she was translating them herself and she wanted to perform them in concert. Now she's able to do it. Robin said she laments for her sad life. Howard said he hopes she's okay.
Howard played another clip where Underdog has some trouble singing one of the songs. In that one Underdog was singing but then she stops and the piano keeps going. She started again. Robin said it's like Mariah Carey. Howard laughed as the clip played. Howard said nothing slows her down. He said she wasn't thrown by that at all. Howard said that's Billy Joel on piano. He said that would be so great if it really was him. Robin asked why she keeps it in that key because she can't hit those notes. Howard said he heard she's performing at Trump's inauguration. He said that would be so great. Howard played more of the audio and said this is in the key of crazy.
Howard played another clip of Underdog Lady talking about why she's not going to sing about giving presents or anything like that. Howard said she will assassinate any snow man and Santa Claus.
Howard said at one point she's singing in front of a green screen and she had no idea what it did. Howard said she was totally blown out by it. Howard played a clip of Underdog saying she doesn't see the backgrounds on the curtain. She said it's marvelous technology. Howard said she liked it. He said he watched it and she liked it. Howard said if you took her to the new Star Wars her head would explode.
Howard played another clip where Underdog Lady does ''Language Caroling.'' Howard said he's not sure what was going on there. Underdog said it was Christmas Carols in Latin with Suzanne Muldowney. She explained that it was her teacher that may have invented that language caroling.
Howard said Shuli was there and he can't explain why. Howard said he just shuffled right on. He said no one explained who he was. Robin said maybe he was being paid in air time. Howard said Shuli got Underdog riled up and talking about the nativity. Howard played the clip and said if there's a live microphone somewhere Shuli will be on it. Underdog was talking about how there's too much emphasis on Santa Claus. Howard said the host knows how to treat her and get her to talk about that stuff.
Howard said this show was hours long. He said this is the highlights. He had her singing ''We Wish You a Merry Christmas'' in Latin.
Howard said it's like Christmas in Klingon. He said he loves her. He wishes her a long life. Howard said that would devastate him if he died. Robin said she hopes she lives before she dies.
Howard played a phony phone call the guys made to a radio show using clips of Ed Torian asking questions about being gay. The hosts of the show got upset with the questions and hung up. Then they took another call and it was Ed asking more questions about gay stuff again. They played an Amy Poehler asking Tan Mom a question bit. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this is a great song. He said that Jack Bruce is with Joey Boots. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he has the top 5 songs. Robin said they should try to keep up with things. She said there are people called Super Agers and they have the same mental alacrity as 25 year olds in their older years. Howard said he has the list of the top 5 songs. Howard said he can do one better. He has the top 5 songs of 2016. He said the number 5 song was 21 Pilots ''Stressed Out.'' He played some of that song and then Beetlejuice singing it.
Howard said that the number 4 song of 2016 was ''Work'' by Rihanna featuring Drake. He played some of the song and said he doesn't like it when she goes ''Der, der, der, der, der.'' Howard said he has Mark the Bagger singing that song too. He played some of that.
Howard said the number 3 song for 2016 was Drake's ''One Dance.'' He played the song and said Drake is the guy who was pretending to bang J-Lo for publicity. Robin said she thought it was Serena. Howard said he's talking about J-Lo.
Howard said Justin Bieber's ''Sorry'' was number 2 for 2016. He played a quick clip of his song. Howard said one of the guys said that song was written by some girl named Julia Michaels. Howard said she's like Sia writing songs and not putting them out herself. Gary said she's only 23 years old. She's putting out her own album. Howard asked Gary to find some of her stuff.
Robin looked up the J-Lo and Drake story in the news. Robin said they spent the night together on New Year's Eve. Howard played Big Foot singing ''Sorry.''
Howard said the number 1 song for 2016 was another Justin Bieber song. Howard said that guy is doing really well. That was ''Love Yourself.'' Howard asked if that chick wrote that one too. Gary said it was written by Ed Sheeran.
Fred found a Julia Michaels song and played it for Howard. Howard said she can sing. Fred played some Robin singing clips over that. Howard said she might be one of those people who can write but can't have a hit on her own. Robin said they'll see if she can carry a song to number 1. Howard said she sings backup on Justin Bieber's album. Howard played more of Bieber's ''Love Yourself'' song. Howard said he asked Ed Sheeran about writing a song and if he has a problem with it when it becomes number one. He said Ed said no. Howard had fake Harrison Ford singing ''Love Yourself.'' Howard had Mark the Bagger singing that song too.
Howard said Justin Bieber seems to be on a bad track. He said he seems to be a danger to himself. He said he's covered in tattoos and he wants to be nice but he doesn't know how. He said he feels like he's 5 minutes away from doing something that makes him dead or in jail. Robin said that Andy Cohen was talking about a run in he had with Justin and he was at a party with him and Justin turned to him asking if the party was ever going to get good. Robin said he does like to party.
Howard said George Michael was kind of lame when he was in Wham. He said then he came out as gay but you already knew that. He said just watch the video when he did that song ''Wake me Up Before You Go-Go.'' Howard said he was outed when he was arrested. Howard said then he put out some other songs and did a song with Elton John. Howard played a bunch of clips of songs that he did on his own and with Elton John. Howard said he had a great voice. Howard said he saw a great clip on the internet when he did Live Aid and he was in rehearsal doing a song with Queen. Howard said David Bowie is watching in the wings and he was totally into it. Howard said his music sales were up 2006 percent since his death. Howard had some of the rehearsal performance that he was talking about.
Howard said George was on the show in 1984 when he was in Wham. Howard said he was only on the show for like 5 minutes. He said he was way too consumed with himself. He said Pig Virus didn't like them having anyone in the studio anyway. Howard said may he rest in peace as well. Howard said they lost Pig Virus last year too. He later corrected himself saying it was 2014 that he died in.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel got him a great gift. He said Jimmy is an artist and he likes to draw caricatures. He said he sent him a framed picture of Pig Virus in his yellow blazer. He said it's a good likeness and it says ''Welcome to Hell.'' Howard said it's not something he wants to see every day. He said he took it and put it on a shelf and he doesn't want to think about how bad Kevin was to them. Howard said he can't look at it.
Robin said he was an awful human being to them. Howard said he's not sure if he should throw it out or not. Robin said he should. Howard said Jimmy is going to paint him a portrait of Hitler for his birthday. Robin said people don't realize how bad things were at NBC for them.
Howard had some more George Michael songs to play. He went through a few and said they sold 100 million albums. Howard said he's not into the songs but he does recognize his talent. Howard said he doesn't have any of this on his special playlist. Howard said he would put that rehearsal of the Queen song in his playlist though. He said he's sure a good version of that exists somewhere. Howard said Fred boxes to George Michael songs.
Fred found a George Michael performance from 1992 when he did ''Somebody To Love'' at Wembley Stadium. Howard had him play that. Howard said ''Wow'' after listening to a couple minutes of the song. Howard said Fred is doing push-ups to the song.
Howard played a clip of Steve interviewing a guy asking if he would stop drinking if he could. The guy said no. Steve asked other questions and the guy was answering in a rude and arrogant way. Howard said one girl said that everyone should be wasted at Santa-Con. He played that clip and one woman said that she peed in the parking garage earlier. Robin said she sounded very proud of that. Howard said all of the people sound the same. They all talk fast and sound similar.
Howard played another clip where a guy was talking about why Hillary Clinton doesn't belong in office. Steve asked what the guy would get her for Christmas. the guy said Hillary is gay so he'd get her a dildo and ram it in her tight little pussy.
Howard asked if any of the girls were good looking. Steve came in and said that they were good looking. He said he saw a lot of them crying by themselves on the sidewalk too though. He didn't ask why they were crying though. Howard said all of the drunk Santas sound like a drunk Sal the Stockbroker.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about what he thinks about the Syrian refugees and things like that. He also said he doesn't give a fuck about anyone but Americans. He said that Trump should deport all of the Mexicans who are working for $100 a day. He said there are white people who deserve those jobs. Steve said the guy was saying all of this with a white Santa beard on. Howard said he bets that a white guy didn't clean up the vomit that these guys left behind.
Howard played another clip of some drunk guys getting all hyped up. They were all slurring their words and talking about how wasted they were. Howard said it sounds like every day is Santa-Con for these guys. Steve said they had a list of things for people not to do there and the first one was ''Don't get drunk.''
Howard said this guy told Steve he wasn't good at his job. Howard asked if he was upset about that. Steve said he spent all day getting yelled at by drunk people and then this guy told him that at the end of the night. The guy was asked when he started drinking and the guy told him he sucks at this. The guy demonstrated how Steve could do his job better.
Howard said that guy would be good on America's Got Talent. He said he could replace Howie and Simon by just getting loaded. Howard said he's the reason he doesn't leave the house. Howard said there's that guy in everyone. He said that's why he lives his life.
Howard said he has a drunk guy with a message for him. Howard played the clip and the guy told him to ''suck a devil nigga dick'' or something like that. Howard thanked Steve for going out and doing that. Howard said he assumes that guy was a white guy and he's using the N-word. He had no fear there. Howard said that might be the best Santa-Con yet. Steve said he saw a lot of fights going on there. He said he saw at least 5.
Howard said he's looking at the Santa-Con web site and they say ''Don't be a drunk, racist asshole.'' He said they all disobey the rules. Steve said this was angrier than Wing Bowl. Howard said he hates Santa outfits. He said when he was in high school he was in the Key Club. He said he wasn't in anything in high school. He said he was invisible. He said that no one befriended him. All of the cool kids were in Key Club because it's good on your college application. He said he somehow got put in there. He said the jocks got pissed. He said they thought he looked like someone who would do something. He said he joined and they had him out there in a Santa outfit ringing a bell after school raising money for the Salvation Army. Robin said he was one of those guys. Howard said he was a big Jew-nosed Santa Claus. He said he was a 9 foot skinny Santa. Howard said he remembers how he just stopped going to Key Club. He said it was a goof on them. He said they thought he would actually do something. Meanwhile no one was giving him any money while he rang that bell.
Howard said no one liked him. He said that's why he's shocked when people hang out with him at parties. He said no one really likes him. He said things are a nightmare. He said he's not sure why he cares.
Howard took a call from the CEO of Santa-Con. It was the guys in the back acting like some of those drunk assholes from the event. The CEO sounded drunk and was cursing out the Jews. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said someone said they can't believe that High Pitch Erik is still around and Joey is gone. Howard read more of the email and some people felt bad for Erik losing Joey.
Howard said some people liked the year in review part of the show yesterday. Howard said someone wrote in about the things he hates compilation that they played yesterday. Howard said he really does hate cities. Howard said he liked living in Hartford. He said he was happy living there. Fred said he did appear to be happy then. Howard said he lived in a shithole though. He said he had to lie to get into that place. Howard said he was making $200 a week. He said they were town homes and inside they were so shitty. He said you could hear everything your neighbor was doing. He said if you flushed the toilet you'd have an inch of water on your floor downstairs. He said that's how his house was when he left to go to Detroit.
Howard played the things he hates compilation clip again for that guy who wrote in about it. Robin agreed with Howard about hating parades. Howard said he hates boats too. He said he hates bathrooms on the boat. Howard said he doesn't want to be on a boat. Howard said he hates audience participation at concerts too. He said he hates bungee jumping too. Howard was replaying clips and responding to them. Howard spent a little time talking about how awful it is to go to the movie theater. He hates that. Howard said he acts retarded in the theater so people won't sit near him.
Howard played more of the things he hates. He hates music and stories together. He was talking about plays. Howard said he doesn't want to see Lala Land. Robin said she doesn't either. Howard said he hates the music that Fred is playing.
Howard played more of the audio of him talking about the things he hates. He hates anything with ''Wiki'' in it. He hates the open sea. Robin said Howard has never been on the open sea. Howard said he's been. He said he went out with a guy who had a big yacht and it was horrible. He said you're trapped. Robin said the sea is beautiful. Howard said it is but he doesn't want to be on it.
Howard said those are the things he hates. Robin asked if Howard hates that we're not voting in the peace settlement with the Jews. Howard said he does. Robin said we abstained.
Howard said people were praising the programming they had on Howard 101 over vacation. Howard read some of that feedback about what they played. Howard said he thinks Jesse Ventura is dropping by today.
Howard said that someone liked it when he asked if 2017 was over yet yesterday. He said that someone wrote in about Dakota Johnson and how the new 50 Shades of Grey is coming out so he should have her in there. Howard said she can come in there any time she wants. Robin said it was a stupid movie. Robin said the only reason he liked it was because he got to see her naked body. Robin said he can't remember what happened in the movie. Howard told Robin what the movie was about and said it was erotic to him. Robin said it was just erotic to Howard. Robin said the movie wasn't about mutual gratification. Howard said he loved the movie. Robin said Howard likes any movie with a naked girl in it. Robin said Howard likes some music just because the videos are good because they have beautiful women in them. Howard said there may be some that he does like for that reason including Ariana Grande videos. Howard said that there are movies that have naked women in them and he didn't like.
Howard read an email about balling the guys out about the Christmas party and why he does that. Howard said he was just talking about Ronnie being annoying with the Karaoke thing. Howard said he puts up with it. He said he might have it next year. Howard said his wife doesn't like Karaoke but then she'll tell Sal to get up there and do it. He said she may be into it and not know it.
Gary said Howard doesn't like Westworld that much but there's a lot of nudity in it. Howard said he likes the nude robots in it. Robin said that's right. That's why he's watching it. Robin said Howard went off on the Khaleesi because she wasn't naked. Howard said that was ridiculous. Howard said she did get naked last season.
Howard read an email from someone who said Rogue One was good and agreed with Robin about that. Robin said there isn't enough nudity in it for Howard.
Howard asked how they are on spots. Fred said they should take a break. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he knows he's a jerk. He said he learned to be a good parent by learning to be quiet and listen. He said he listens to his girls. He said they have plenty to say.
Howard said that Sour Shoes has resurfaced after the new year. Robin said she got a Christmas Card from Sour. Howard said he hasn't been calling but he did leave a voicemail. Howard played the latest where Sour calls in as Gary and leaves a message about George Michael's death. Sour was doing his Gary impression talking about meeting George at WNBC in 1985. He was making all kinds of wacky references.
Howard said he was happy to hear Sour again. Robin said maybe he had a phone restriction set up by his family. Howard said he had a theory that his parents were out of town or something and he snuck to a phone. Robin said he still loves them. Howard said that he rarely leaves voicemails. He said maybe his parents were tied up in a closet when he left another voicemail. He had him singing ''I Want Your Sex'' as Gary. Howard laughed as he was listening to Sour do his Gary impression where he's clearing his throat to the tune of ''I Want Your Sex.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he listened to Howard's ''What I hate'' clip and he wonders if Howard will leave New York and become a West Palm Beach or Hamptons full time. Howard said he will sell his apartment when he retires. He said he'll move out of the city. He said he doesn't like cities. Howard said when he walks down the street he's too noticed. He said he feels self conscious. He asked what the point is. He said you can find good restaurants all over the country. He said he doesn't need that anyway. He said all wine tastes the same to him. He said all of the culture is wasted on him anyway.
Howard said he doesn't appreciate the view he has in his apartment. He said he doesn't need to live there. He only lives there because he works there. Howard asked if Robin will leave too. Robin asked if Howard would go to Montana. Howard said not there. He said his wife needs people around. He said she's like him. He said they go to bed early. Robin said Beth likes going to Broadway shows and things like that. Howard said he has sucked the life out of her. Howard said Beth will do that stuff once in a while but she's not that into it. Robin said Beth does love culture. Howard said no. He said he's sucked it out of her.
Howard asked Robin if she really thinks that she knows his wife better than he does. Robin said Howard makes himself believe that someone is what he wants them to be. Robin said Beth wanted to stay at Gary's dinner party but Howard wanted to go. Howard said she wanted to leave too. Howard said no offense to Gary. Gary said none taken.
Howard said he would not stay in the city if he retired. He said he'd like a nice back yard and a house. Howard said they can play a Newlywed Game with Beth and Robin. Robin said she's not playing that but she knows that Beth likes some things that Howard thinks she doesn't like. Howard said she likes her sedentary life with him.
Howard said he has some audio of Jeff spilling beer on himself on Periscope. JD said that he bangs a gavel on his desk and he hit his beer and spilled it all over the floor. Howard played the clip where Jeff did that. Jeff was getting all pissed and cleaning up the mess. He was cursing as he was doing that.
Jeff said someone was asking about what his favorite Christmas movie was. He said he liked the original Scrooge. Howard asked if he wants to talk to The Lump for a minute. Jeff said sure. Howard asked The Lump who he thinks will be next. Jeff the Drunk or High Pitch Erik. The Lump said he hopes he goes next. Jeff said he does too. The Lump said how about spilling something on himself to liven this call up. Jeff said that's alright.
Howard asked Jeff how old he is. Jeff is 49. Howard said he looks 70. Howard said High Pitch Erik is up there too. Howard asked how Jeff can only be 49. Gary said he thought Jeff was old when they met him. Howard said he must have been in his 20s. Jeff said he was in his 30s. Howard asked Jeff how long he thinks he'll live. Jeff said he has a couple of years in him. The Lump said he thinks 49 and a half. Jeff said if he makes it to 50 he'll be happy.
Howard said that he should cut his goal a little shorter. The Lump said 49 and 3/4 maybe. Jeff said he'll be 50 in May. Howard said his big goal is to live 5 more months. Robin said High Pitch Erik is 45. Howard said there's another guy you think is much older. Howard said he hopes they live because they're fun on the show. Robin said they're looking at Erik but then Crackhead Bob dies. Then Joey Boots dies. Howard said he wonders how Beetlejuice lives. Howard said he has a small head and he's not sure how he's lived so long. He must have beaten the odds. The Lump said he'll gnaw himself free when Jeff dies so he can live on.
Howard wondered if they'll have no Wack Packers left at the end of the 4 years he has left there. He said he'd have to retire if that's the case.
Howard asked if they should have a death pool for the Wack Pack. He said that might be too morbid. Gary said the whole office is all for it. The Lump said he'll poison Jeff if he has to. Howard said he can't say that.
Howard asked if they should bet. He said they might have to just do a straight up death pool and not do the points thing. They suggested throwing in 100 bucks each. Gary asked if he can enter more than once. Howard said you have to put in $100 for each entry. Howard said he thinks it's more fun if you pick just one. Robin said they say that people who have microcephaly (like Beetlejuice) can have a normal life span.
Howard asked when Jeff's sister died. Jeff said she was 49. Robin asked how old his brother is. Jeff said he has many. He said he had one that died. Jeff said he has 5 who are still around. Howard said Beetlejuice is younger than Jeff but Jeff may die earlier.
Gary came in and said he can get a list for the Wack Packers who could die. Howard said that he might bet on Jeff. Fred said he thinks Jeff is up there. Wendy and Gary are up there too.
Gary came in with the list. Howard said no one saw Joey coming. Howard read the list that included people like...
Brent and Jason came in. JD came in and said he doesn't want to discuss this. He said he doesn't want to be stuck with someone who isn't going to die. They told JD to just pick whoever he wants. Jeff yelled at JD that he just splits the money if the same person picks someone who dies.
Howard said Gary the Conqueror could be good because he smokes and coughs a lot. Howard asked Sal where he's at. Sal picked Tan Mom. He said she smokes and drinks a lot. He said she's constantly breaking her bones. Howard asked if he can throw in $100. Sal said he's rather go with $50. He asked when he needs it by. Howard asked if he wants an installment plan. Howard said his wife has him under control.
Brent said he thinks everyone should have one person and not the same. JD said he has 3 options. Howard said Sal is going to go first. Sal picked Tan Mom. Robin said Gary the Conqueror is 64 years old.
Gary said he's going with High Pitch Erik. He said he's getting to the age where the weight will matter. Robin said she's going next. She said she's picking Underdog. Howard said he may go with her too.
Howard asked Fred who he's going with. Fred wanted to know how old Big Foot is. Brent said he hear he's smoking crack lately. Fred said that's it. He's done. Brent asked if he can go with Daniel Carver. Howard said sure. Brent said he thinks he could end up with a widow maker heart attack.
Howard asked Jason who he's going with. Jason picked Wendy the Slow Adult. Ronnie came in and said he's going to pick Fred the Elephant Boy because of the pacemaker. JD picked Gary the Conqueror.
Howard asked Richard Christy who he's picking. Richard said he's going with Jeff the Drunk. Howard asked Jeff the Drunk if he is currently being treated for anything. Jeff said no. Howard asked if he coughs when he smokes weed or all the time. Jeff said it's just when he smokes weed. Howard said he had an operation on his neck recently. Gary asked about that operation on his ass. Jeff said it never grew back. Jeff still smokes. He quit 3 times.
Howard said he has an advantage because he knows the Grim Reaper. He took a call from the Grim Reaper who said he has some information for him. He said it rhymes with Dot the Frengineer. Howard said Scott the Engineer. He said he is a Wack Packer. Grim Reaper said he's so horny and he can't wait for Scott. He said he's so hard.
Howard said Jason could die before any of these guys. He said that he is very heavy. Jon Hein came in and picked Nicole Bass. Jeff started coughing. Howard asked they all heard that.
Robin asked if anyone has heard from Siobhan lately. Howard said she's not included. Howard asked Will who he's picking. Will said he'll go with Big Foot.
Howard said that it's time for his vote. Angry Alice came up too. JD said she's alone and on her own. Howard said maybe he'll go with her. Howard said he might pick Alice. Howard said they'll have a $1200 pot there if he's in it. Jeff asked if he can pick. Howard said maybe. The guys suggested not doing it with him. Howard said he'll never give him the $100. Howard said he's going to go with Angry Alice. Howard said maybe Underdog. Robin picked her though. Robin said maybe Melrose Larry Green. Jon said no one picked Beetlejuice though. Gary said he thinks he'll be fine. Howard said he can imagine hearing him being in the hospital and dying the next day. Howard said he doesn't want to be happy that Beet dies. He said he's going to win $1100. Jeff told him to let it ride. Robin said he thinks it's a casino. Howard said he's going with Angry Alice. Gary said they all work. Howard said everyone has to give the $100 to Gary. Sal asked if he can pay on Friday when he gets paid. Howard said he can. Gary said by next Monday they have to get their money in. Robin said someone could die between then and now. Fred said ''Rest in peace Big Foot.'' Here's who everyone bet on:
Sal said he could dump his coins in the coin mart if he has to. Howard said he heard Sal is gambling on sports a lot. Sal said he is. He said that he's up about $150. Howard asked why his wife allows that. Sal said he won on the Sal the Turtle horse bet and he's still up. Gary said he should take the money out of that. Sal said he's not sure if he can. He may not be able to get the money out.
Howard asked Sal if he did something gay on New Year's Eve. Sal said Larry Caputo tried to tongue kiss him. Howard said he knew Sal was gay. Sal said he never expected that. He said it was wet and cold and there was nothing nice about it. Howard asked how long before Sal and Larry are dating. Howard said the bets are in and they should take a break. He went to break a short time later.
Robin read a story about George Michael's family saying that they are not going to speculate on that kind of thing. Fake Jesse Ventura was in Gary's office so he commented on the George Michael story. Howard asked if Gary fell asleep again in there. Jesse said he's just taking over the broadcast. He said he's in Baja, California in an undisclosed area. Howard asked Jesse what kind of information he has. Jesse said he thinks that Sour Shoes will be next because Joey Boots just passed and they're both footwear.
Robin got back to her news and read that Ellen Degeneres has dis-invited Kim Burrell from her show because of some comments that Kim made recently in a church sermon. She was denouncing homosexuals in the church sermon. Robin said she was going to sing with Pharrell and they have put a stop to that. Robin said Ellen is openly gay and she thought it would be ridiculous to have this woman on the show. Robin said this may not teach anyone anything by doing that. Howard said maybe confronting her on the show would make more sense.
Fake Jesse said he likes nothing better than a lesbian show. He said he's been dis-invited from some shows too. He said he's very gay friendly. He said he was a pro-wrestler and governor of Minnesota so that makes him gay friendly. Jesse also said the mainstream media won't have him on so that's why he has to pirate Howard's airwaves. Jesse said he doesn't even use a bathroom anymore. He said he shits in a baggie and keeps them in a lead vault. He said that way the government can't monitor him.
Robin read a story about Chuck Schumer doing a speech in the senate and he said he's going to be watching the new President to make sure he's a president of change. Robin said he was also on Rachel Maddow's show later on questioning Trump's challenges to the intelligence community. Robin had some audio of Schumer talking about that.
Robin read a story about General Motors and how they're being told they will be paying big border taxes if they continue to produce cars down in Mexico. Robin said Ford is not going to move to Mexico and it will invest in their Michigan production facility to produce 700 jobs. Robin had audio of someone talking about that. Fake Jesse had some comments on that story too. He said they're actually bringing Aliens in to produce jobs. He said Alf is out there and that's the kind of people they'll be bringing in to produce jobs.
Robin read a story about the Rockettes being forced to perform at the Trump inauguration. Robin said some of the women don't want to dance and some do. Robin said they say that Trump is having trouble booking people to perform. Robin said the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will be performing. Howard said he'd get Scott Baio to perform. Howard said his move would be to get sworn in and just get to work and do it quietly. Gary said he read that some of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir are refusing to perform.
Robin read a story about marijuana activists going to the event to hand out free pot as part of a protest to get marijuana legalized federally. Howard said it should be legal across the land. Robin said that they'll be lighting up 4 minutes and 20 minutes into the speech.
Fake Jesse was singing ''Careless Whisper'' so Howard said Robin should sing at the inauguration. Howard played some audio of her singing the National Anthem. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton planning to attend the inauguration of Donald Trump. Robin said that both Hillary and Bill will be going. Robin said the Bush family will attend as well. Fake Jesse said he thinks they're going to try to choke him out on the ropes and take the guy out.
Robin read that president Obama is going to hold one last bash at the White House for his supporters. Robin said there are names like Beyonce and Bradley Cooper on the list of people who may be invited to that.
Robin read that Oprah Winfrey is saying the thing she'll miss most is their presence in the White House. Robin asked if she's serious. Robin said that she was monumentally successful before they even got there. Robin said human beings are all the same. Robin said Oprah was on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert talking about all of this.
Robin read a story about Trump picking Alabama senator to be in his cabinet and some people are very upset about it so they're putting a full page newspaper ad out to let people know.
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who said he's got a statement about Joey's death. He said he's upset that he didn't get picked for the death pool. Howard said he's in good shape. Ramone said he's going to be 50 years old on January 13th. Howard said it doesn't sound like Gay Ramone. Ramone said he lives in the south now.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked why she's not in the death pool. She said it's a conspiracy. Howard hung up on her. Fake Jesse said you have to learn to hold your breath for 14 minutes. He said then she can get through the death pool. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked where the ''I, I, I... I don't like it'' thing came from. Howard said it was Soupy Sales commenting on Pee Wee Herman and his popular show that had talking chairs and things on it. He said Soupy got upset about talking chairs and things. Fred played a clip of Soupy saying that he doesn't like the talking chairs thing. Howard laughed as it played. Howard said it didn't make sense. He said he just didn't want to accept that Pee Wee was having success. Howard told the caller that's where that came from. He said they should explain that stuff once in a while.
Robin read a story about Omarosa getting a title as Public Liaison for Trump's cabinet. Howard asked who Jesse had on his. Jesse said it was Mean Gene Oakerland. Howard cracked up.
Robin read a story about Paul Ryan being sworn in as Speaker of the House again yesterday. Robin said there was a young man on the stage dancing around doing dabbing and Paul Ryan grabbed him and stopped him.
Robin read a story about Mark Zuckerberg challenging himself to listen to people in all 50 states this year. Howard said he must be up to something. Fake Jesse Ventura said there are more than 50 states if you listen to people out there. He said there are actually 66. Robin read more about what Mark wants to do this year.
Robin read a story about some Craigslist ads in Massachusetts where they'll be selling empty plastic bags with free marijuana inside. Robin said that's how they're trying to get around the selling of pot. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about the Massachusetts thing selling the bag but giving away the pot for free. Howard said that's a loophole. Robin said that's what it is.
Robin read about the CES show starting in Las Vegas. Robin read about some of the new products that will be introduced there. Howard asked why we don't have sex robots. Fake Jesse Ventura said we actually do have them. He said we just don't know who they are. He said that Ivana Trump might be one.
Robin read a story about Coachella and who will be performing at that event.
Robin read a story about some ear care advice that has come out and they're saying that ear candling is one thing they say that you should not do. Robin said she did it once. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said she doesn't get it either.
Robin read a story about Charles Manson being out of prison and in a hospital but they're not revealing why. Robin said he's serving 9 life sentences. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard gave Fake Jesse a plug. You can check out TrumpVsBernie.com to see James Adomian doing his thing. Howard ended the show around 11:10am
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
Today's show was over around 11:10am.