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Howard started the show talking about how masculine he is this morning. He said he feels pumped up. He said aside from his leather purse he's masculine.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn didn't do her announce for this morning. He said that the great Steven Tyler is coming in today. He said that he got a text from him but it's hard to tell it's him. He said it comes up as a number and not a name. Howard said it's in his contacts but it shows up as a number. He said it shows up in his email too. He said he can't even explain what's going on there. Howard said Steven asked if he could come in and promote his new single. Howard said he calls it country but it's really acoustic Aerosmith. Howard said he's one of the best. He said Steven will stop by today.
Robin asked if he can get there with the weather. Howard said he got there Friday and even did an interview where he said he'd be doing the show on Monday morning.
Howard said they have some great stuff today. Howard said High Pitch Eric was arrested on Friday for allegedly threatening Elephant Boy. Howard said there are a lot of phony phone calls to play. He said there's a lot going on. Robin wanted to know more about High Pitch Eric and his arrest. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about it. He got into it and said just imagine him being arrested. He said the cops have to put cuffs on him. He said just imagine that. Robin said he's sitting in a walker so who can he really threaten. Howard asked how he can get to you anyway. He wondered if he's allowed to have a walker in jail.
Howard said High Pitch Eric made bail somehow. Howard said Bobo might know something about it. Howard picked up on Bobo who said that those guys got into it again. He said he told Eric that he can't be getting into that stuff with people. He said the bottom line is that Elephant Boy got Eric for aggravated harassment. He said he thinks that Eric was miles from Fred and Fred was in no danger. He said that Eric is only guilty of his words.
Gary said his understanding is that Fred tweeted out about Eric and the only reason he didn't take the money for the Flat Ronnie was because of his SSI. He said that Eric said some threatening things and the cops don't know where these people are located so they have to react. Bobo said Fred turned Eric in and that got to TMZ. Howard said High Pitch Eric got to jail and he made his one call to Donnie Wahlberg. Howard said Donnie didn't take a call.
Bobo said Eric told him that he wasn't handcuffed. He said he was fingerprinted and brought home. Howard asked if he spoke to Elephant Boy. Bobo said he didn't. He said he just spoke to Eric.
Howard said Jon Leiberman has been following this too. Howard had Jon on the phone. Howard asked what the latest is. Jon said he has been in touch with the NYPD and it turns out they brought Eric in and he was charged with harassment. He said the cops who booked him were fans of the show and they drove him home after they processed him. He said he has to appear in court on March 1st. Howard asked if he will be covering the court case. Jon said of course he will. He said Eric could get jail time or a big fine. Howard said that the maximum penalty is jail time. Jon said that it probably won't be jail time but what's more likely is an order of protection. He said that he may have an order to stay away from Fred in person and online.
Howard said they had a truce there not that long ago. Howard said he saw it with his own eyes. Jon said that this relationship has been tenuous at best. He said the peace has been broken and they'll have to see what happens.
Howard said some are saying this is like the retarded crips and bloods. Howard asked if this show will affect the penalty in the case. Jon said that a judge hasn't been assigned yet. He said he doesn't think the show will play into it. He said the interesting thing will be which members of the Wack Pack align with Eric and which go with Fred. Howard said that he hopes Jon can keep track of that for them.
Howard asked Jon if he has any updates on Wendy shitting her pants. Jon said he does not have any right now. He said she does text him regularly though. His phone cut out as he was talking about that.
Howard said maybe that was sabotaged by Elephant Boy. Robin said it would be so great if High Pitch Eric got some jail time. Howard said the 911 call from Elephant Boy would be great to hear too.
Gary came in and said he wanted to ask Jon what happens if Eric goes to jail. He said this is the 5th time he's done this. He said he's threatened other people. Howard said he does have a record. Robin said he could get some jail time for this. Howard did an impression of Jon Leiberman talking about that. Howard said this is some morning so far.
Howard had Jon back on the phone and he was saying that Wendy has been asking where her Christmas gift is. Gary said they have a confirmation that says she did receive it. Jon said he will talk to her about that.
Howard had High Pitch Eric on the phone and he wanted to tell his side of the story. Howard asked him to tell it succinctly. Eric asked Robin to be quiet during this. Eric said when he was up at the Christmas Spectacular Elephant Boy asked to be friends. He said yes and shook his hand. Eric said after that day Fred turned his back on him. He said a few weeks ago he tweeted and said he wanted to take his disability benefits away. He said that upset him so much. Howard said Elephant Boy has no ability to do that to him. Eric said that upsets him so much though. He said he also talks about his mom on social media. He said he talks about his mom's will. Robin asked why this started up again. Howard said Eric asked her not to ask questions. Howard asked for her. Eric said he's not sure why Fred has it out for him. Howard asked why the morons can't just get along.
Howard asked Eric how many times he's been arrested. Eric didn't say but he said that he's not sure why Elephant Boy has a problem with him. Howard asked if he told Fred that he was going to get the Jewish Mafia on him and they were going to kill him. Eric said he did. He said he told him he was a dead motherfucker. Eric said he doesn't want him dead. Howard asked why he keeps threatening people's lives. Howard said he knows he doesn't mean it but he keeps doing that. Eric said he doesn't mean it. Howard said no one knows that though.
Eric said that Fred keeps saying that he's retarded and he belongs in a mental hospital. Jon Leiberman said that he got a message from someone saying that Eric was asked if he understands the process and he said that he does because he's been on Blue Bloods. Eric said that is true. Howard asked if he called Donnie Wahlberg when he was in jail. Eric said no. He said he as in the police station for about an hour but didn't get put in a jail cell. Howard asked if he got any snacks while he was in. Eric said he didn't eat for that hour. Howard said ''Wow'' to that. Howard said that's the headline.
Jon asked if he asked for a snack at all. Eric said he did not. Howard asked if he was searched for weapons. Eric said he did not. Howard said he heard there as a cavity search and it was echoing in there. Eric went off on Elephant Boy again for saying that he belongs in a mental hospital. He said he was picking on him again.
Howard said what he suggests is to forget about Elephant Boy. Howard said he doesn't like him and he can't threaten people's lives. Eric said one day after this was on TMZ Fred said that he was joking. He said if he was joking then why did he call the police? Howard said no one knows what he's really going to do. Howard asked if Eric even knows the Jewish Mafia. Eric said no. Howard said he likes that Eric is in for tweeting. Howard said he could end up going to jail for this. He said he's been in trouble 5 previous times. Eric said that Fred slandered him yesterday by calling him a retard. Howard said he is retarded and he is disabled. Eric said not really. He said in some areas he's kind of smart. Howard said in threatening people he's smart.
Howard thanked Eric for calling in. He said he can't go around doing this threatening thing. He said he gets easily provoked and he has to stop looking at what Elephant Boy has to say. Howard said who knew Fred was even saying that stuff. Howard said when he speaks you can't understand him.
Gary said that Elephant Boy is on the line too. Howard let Jon Leiberman go and thanked him for getting the ball rolling. Howard said he's running out of lines. Howard picked up on Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard asked why he's getting Eric going. Eric wasn't letting him speak. Howard asked Eric to be quiet for a minute.
Elephant Boy explained his side of the story but it was so hard to understand that Howard was just laughing and saying ''See? That clears up everything...'' Howard said when he texts they can understand him. Howard said that he was provoking someone who is ''dull'' and this is what happens. Elephant Boy said that doesn't make him exempt from doing what he wants. Robin asked why he gets so upset with him that he has to comment. Elephant Boy said he's not upset. He said that Eric doesn't have to threaten him. Howard said he has to just forget about Eric and not say anything about him. Robin said that Eric is different because he turns around and threatens his life. Howard said the 911 operator must have thought he had been beaten to a pulp.
Howard asked why Elephant Boy called TMZ. Elephant Boy said that he talked to the police and TMZ must have picked it up on the blotter. Howard said that the transcript of this is going to be great in court.
Howard said he would say that Fred has to leave Eric alone and Eric has to leave him alone. Fred said he will promise to Howard he won't make a comment about High Pitch Eric anymore. He said he has his word. Howard said Elephant Boy just said he'll leave Eric alone and not tweet about him. Howard told Eric not to start in with Elephant Boy or the truce will be broken. Howard said that he has to forget about Elephant Boy and Elephant Boy will forget about him. Howard said if Eric breaks it then Fred will break it too. Howard thanked the two of them for calling. Eric told Howard that he lost more weight. Howard said he is settling one thing at a time so he can only talk about this. Howard said the truce is back in place. Howard said Eric has to go to court over this.
Howard was going to let them go but Eric said he has two lawyers for the case. He didn't want to name them though. Howard told him not to write about Elephant Boy and Elephant Boy won't write about him. Howard told them not to go off on each other again. Eric said he won't. Howard played a ''Fat House'' commercial parody with High Pitch Eric and John Stamos starring in the show. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Hillary Clinton has to be kicking herself. Howard said Jews aren't that popular but Bernie Sanders is beating her in the polls. Robin said it could be Bernie and Donald Trump running for president. Howard said that Sanders has to have been changed. Howard said that things have changed if a Jewish socialist can run. Robin said maybe they don't know he's Jewish. Howard said he's sure that people have noticed.
Howard said if Trump is running then he has to go with him. Howard said he and Robin would be able to do so much if he got in. Howard said Bernie Sanders called into the show years ago and talked to them. Howard said the guy is amazing. Howard said Bloomberg has a very Jewy name. Howard said Bloomberg is seriously considering running. Howard said he ran the city very well. Howard said if Bloomberg was running he'd have to think about voting for him. Howard said that he might sway him. Howard said that he's with him on the soda thing. Robin said a lot of people would go against him because of that.
Howard said that Steven Tyler will be in around 9. He said he'll be in to talk about his music. Howard played a song parody about JD to the tune of ''Walk This Way.'' Howard said Steven is probably giving Joe Perry an aneurysm. Howard said that he has solo stuff out and that makes Joe crazy. Robin said they did tour and they mended their ill will. Howard said they'll talk to him about that when he comes in.
Howard said he has a clip of a reporter doing an interview in Dallas and they ask this guy why Martin Luther King Jr. day is important. Howard played the clip and the reporter asked why he came so early. The guy said that he was there to celebrate the day because it's good because when Martin's birthday comes in January it's very important and good.
Howard said JD pulled a clip of a woman talking about a fire and that was a great clip. Howard said the reporters probably went out of their way to put her on the air. Howard played the clip and this woman is talking about a fire at her home and she's talking about how cold it is outside. She was doing voices for everyone she was talking to and how they got out of the house. Howard said that was in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Howard said he has some phony phone call fun. He said a couple of weeks ago they did a bit where they had the guys having gay phone sex on a gay phone line. Howard said Andy Cohen was in for that bit. Howard said they called into a political show and told the host that his number was in the classifieds under the homosexual section. Howard played the call they made to this host and they tell the host that his number is in the paper under the homo section. Then they call in with clips of Ronnie doing his thing with the gay phone sex line and have him talking to the host. The guy hangs up but then they call in with clips of Richard doing his gay sex line thing. The host said this isn't fun anymore so he asked for people not to call in. He took another call from someone asking what's up with all of the vulgarities. He said his 9 year old daughter is listening. The host takes another call from Scott the Engineer doing his gay phone sex thing. He cuts him off right before he says ''cock.'' He took more calls and they had clips of Memet doing his gay phone sex thing. They kept calling in with more clips and the host eventually stops taking calls. Howard went to break after that was over.
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Howard said Michael's first wife was so hot. He said she would have been such a good wife for him. Howard said that they should do more Epics like that. He said he'd love to see a Bachelor epic. Howard said you have to check out the Godfather epic.
Robin said she watched The Danish Girl and the only reason Howard liked it was because that girl was naked. Howard said no. Robin said she had a hard time getting through the movie. Howard said every movie he thinks is going to win an Oscar turns out to be horrible. Howard said that he saw a movie called Brooklyn and it was such a beautiful movie. Howard said Saoirse Ronan is so good in that movie. Howard had a hard time with her name. Robin did too. Howard said she is fantastic in it though. He said then he watched the movie Room and that's so good too. Howard said this movie is one of the best he's ever seen. Howard said these movies get watched by no one unless you get a screener. Howard said this movie is the worst horror story ever. He said you have to see it. Howard said Brie Larson is great in that and so is the little kid. Howard said the little kid deserves an Oscar too.
Howard said he sees all of these movies and he would never see them without the Academy Awards. Howard and Robin were talking about the controversy over the Oscars this year and how they'd have to take someone out if they wanted a black actor to be nominated. Gary had one nomination that he thought should be taken out. They spent a short time goofing on Gary about that.
Howard said there was an article out about the people of color who were nominated for Oscars. Howard said they found that 11 percent of the nominees over the years has been 11 percent. Robin said that no one complains when there are no Hispanics or Asian people being nominated. That led to them talking about how Ben Kingsley is listed in the people of color. Howard thought he was a white guy but he's Indian.
Howard said that Weight Watchers shares are down over the initial Oprah bump. Howard said it went up but now it's dropped down a little bit. Howard said it's still up above where it was before she bought into it. Howard said their stock is like Oprah's weight. It's up and down. Howard said Oprah must be pissed about that.
Howard said he watched the Glenn Frey appearance on Letterman from a couple of years ago. He said it was a classy appearance. Howard said he watched it to evoke the proper sadness. He said he felt a loss. Robin said good for him for recognizing Glenn Frey. Howard said he loves the song Desperado. He said Joe Walsh did it on their show years ago and he got into some trouble for doing it. Howard said he was accused of pushing him to do it but he didn't. He said it was Joe's idea. Howard said Joe does what he wants to do. Howard asked Fred if he has that version. Fred played it immediately. Howard said Joe was playing keyboard in that song. Howard let it play for a bit. Howard said one thing about Joe is that he could be high as a kite and still sing like that. Howard said not everyone can do that.
Sal came in and Howard said it looks like he has a pompado in the front. Sal said he has a scar in the back of his head that's about 7 inches long. He said it really hurts. Howard asked if they gave him some kind of shot. Sal said it was 15 needles. He said you don't feel anything at that point but the pressure on our head is amazing. He said he could hear him snipping and tearing.
Ronnie came in and said they said months ago that Sal was doing something. Sal said this wasn't months ago. He said he's not lying now. Howard said Sal has such luxurious hair. Howard asked how much snow they got. Sal said they got 2 feet and his wife went out and shoveled their long driveway. Howard said Sal is such a woman. Sal said he baked muffins. He said he was like Martha Stewart. He said she was so exhausted from it last night.
Jon Hein came in and said that he picks Sal up for work this morning and he thought that his driveway had been plowed. He said they got 30 inches out there and Sal's wife did it all. Howard said she must have needed a good fucking after that. Sal said whoever the guy is was very lucky.
Sal said he was looking out the window looking for some Mexicans to shovel but they spent all of that money on his hair so they can't afford it. Howard said every time she looks at that hair she's going to think about shoveling. Howard said Sal's hair looks weird. Sal said it will look weird for about 3 months. Howard said he looks more bald now than he did before. Sal said it will take about 3 months for it to grow back in. He said by July he will look unbelievable.
Howard eventually told Sal to get out of there. He asked the caller what he had to say. The caller said he was wondering what was going on with the Bro Fight part 2. Howard said they should hold Sal down and shave his head when it grows back. The caller wondered if Gary had friended Howard on Facebook yet. Howard said not yet. He said that Robin is still friends with Gary on Facebook though. Robin said Gary said he needed a place to express himself to everyone but Howard. Howard did his impression of Gary and goofed on him about the unfriending.
The caller said that Gary keeps saying on the Wrap Up Show that he's going to send it. Howard said he has like 10,000 requests so he might not even see it. Gary said he went to friend him the other day and he's not accepting any because he's full. Howard said he'll have to clear that out. They played a ''Gary Unfriends'' song parody and a bit about Sal not knowing any history. They went to break after that. They played a Beetlejuice bit as they were going to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's growing a beard. Howard said he is not. He said he has gotten lazy about shaving. He said that he was getting beardish but his wife said it was getting long enough that it was scratching Beth's face. Howard said he doesn't need a reason for her not to make love to him so he trimmed it down. Howard said people asked why his beard is grey and his hair is dark. Howard said he does not color his hair but his beard comes in a different color. Howard said he can't explain it.
Howard said he noticed that Robin has a new web site on RobinQuivers.com and it said on there that she has suffered from many mental challenges like food and sex addiction. Robin said she wouldn't call it a sex addiction because she didn't have sex. Howard said it says that on her web site though. Robin said she has acted out. She said she was looking for Mr. Goodbar if you will. Howard said fair enough. Howard said that she has a sex addiction but she can't have sex.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Miami. Howard asked how warm it was there. The guy said it's supposed to be like 70 today.
The caller told Howard that he's taking Flat Ronnie to Monday Night Raw. He said he had to make his own and it's almost life size. He said it's about 3 1/2 feet tall. Howard said they'll keep an eye out for that.
Robin said that she was reading about Charlie Sheen and he has a couple of favorite movies. Howard guessed that one was Apocalypse Now. Robin said the other one was Jaws.
Howard said he has some phony phone calls to play. He gave Robin a choice and she picked a Riley Martin call that he had. Howard played the call which was Riley Martin doing his shout outs on an internet radio show they called into. Howard played the clip and they had Riley giving shout outs to people and the host kept trying to talk to Riley but they kept playing the shout outs over him. The host kept taking calls and it was the Riley clips calling back time after time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they were talking about what to ask for from Trump if he's president. He said he could be named chairman of the FCC. Howard said Trump would do that. Howard said that would be some coup. Howard said he might tighten up the rules even more. He said he doesn't really care about free speech. He said he only cares about his own. Howard said if you want to use profanity? No. He said speak your free mind, no. Howard said he never asks Trump for anything. He said he pays when he eats at his restaurant. Howard said the only thing he really wants is to go to Camp David. Howard said that's all he cares about. He said that no one knows what's there. He said they claim it's for security purposes but that's bullshit. He said that they have royalty in this country and it's called the President. Howard said that he's going to take video at Camp David and show it to the people. He said they'll take it to the streets when they see what's going on out there. Howard said he wants to see what's going on up there. He said he wants them to cut back on Camp David. Howard said that's going to be an exclusive on Howard 360 which is something he's not supposed to mention.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was driving around the other day and he heard Richard's Dad calling into a sports show. Howard said it was Sour Shoes calling in as Richard's dad. He said he called into Mike Francesa's show. Howard said that he does a good Richard's Dad. Howard played the call where Sour called in as Richard's dad Tom and talked to Mike for a short time about ''them Royals'' and some other things. Sour did his Gary ''Noine'' thing while doing the Tom impression. Mike seemed a little thrown off by the whole thing. He said it was a very odd impersonation or a very odd call overall.
Howard asked if anyone listens to that show. Gary said it is number 1 in the afternoon. Howard said how do you like that? Gary said it's been that way for the past 20 years. Howard asked what his rating is. Gary said he's not sure but it is the most listened to show in the afternoon. Gary said he had a 6.9 in April. Howard said he thinks it's Sour Shoes bringing that rating.
Howard took a call from a guy who said if they give away a Ronnie can he play for it. Howard said he thinks that it's too tight for that. Howard asked if they have a quick game. Howard asked if he wanted to play for $500 instead. The caller said it's up to Howard. Howard asked Gary what he's got. Gary said he's still looking. Howard said he's taken the show down to a screeching halt. Howard said he has a game but it's a little involved. Howard said they have an EDM game and there was a guy who was really fucked up and gave weird answers. He said it would take too long though.
Gary said they have a game where they ask High Pitch Eric sex terms and find out if he knows them. Howard asked what he has to do. They asked Eric a bunch of questions about sex terms. Gary said that he has to hold on, that's the wrong game. He had a Mick the Nerd Either Or game. Howard said he wanted to play the High Pitch Eric game. Gary said they may have played these already. Howard said he doesn't remember it though so it doesn't matter.
Howard said they asked Eric what ''pop her cherry'' means. Howard played Eric's answer which was about the girl cumming. He had no idea.
Howard played another one and told the guy it's just one he has to get right. Howard asked if Eric knows what Bondage means. The caller said no. Howard played Eric's answer which was having really serious sex by tying someone up in leather outfits. Howard said he sort of knew. The caller said ''What the fuck?'' He asked Howard what he thought about Ben Affleck playing Batman. Howard said he doesn't know yet. He hasn't seen him. Howard said he is a good actor though so he'll hold back on talking about it until he sees it. Howard said people thought Michael Keaton was going to be horrible and he was great as Batman. Howard said Ben wasn't a good Daredevil. The caller asked about the Wonder Woman and Aquaman movies. Howard said he doesn't care about either really.
Howard said he'd give the caller one more chance. He asked if Eric knows what bareback means. The caller said no and Eric said that it means having sex on your back. The caller won the Flat Ronnie.
Gary said they have a flat Ronnie going to the Maury Povich show so he'll be showing up in the audience there once in a while. Howard said Flat Ronnie also went around and toured the Paramount lot so they have pictures of that up on the web.
Howard played more Eric answers about sex things. He thought tossing the salad was putting salad on your cock and a woman eats it off. He had a few other quick things that Eric didn't know about. They went to break after that. They played a High Pitch Eric and Elephant Boy phone call as they were going to break.
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Howard came back and said he just went to the bathroom and now Steven is in there. Howard said he'll be in there in a second. Howard said that Steven has a new album coming out and he calls it country but it's not really country. Howard said it's like Aerosmith acoustic.
Steven came in and said Howard didn't even shave. Howard said he trimmed it. Howard said Steven came in on New York and he was in for the snow storm. Steven said he was out in the park in his shorts and t-shirt. Howard said he saw him shoveling a driveway too. Steven said he was with Milo yesterday. He said hello to all of his kids. He said hi to Dominic too. He's the guy who takes care of his house in Boston.
Howard said he was talking about this new album he has and it's really not country. He said that it's like an acoustic Aerosmith album. Steven said he's right. He said many Aerosmith songs could be like country. Howard said it's depressing to see guys like Bowie pass away. Howard said he figures that Steven was a huge Bowie fan. Steven said he was. Howard said he must have looked up to him. Steven said very much so. Howard asked Steven about finding ways to get close to rock bands and watch them up close. Steven said it was great to watch Janis Joplin perform and the Rolling Stones and all of them. He said that he wrote Jaded and he didn't realize it at the time that it was like ''Changes''. He said that it came to him and he thought it sounded good.
Howard said there's a thing that goes on with singers where they write a song and they think of someone specific singing it. Howard asked if he liked The Eagles too. Steven said he loves them. Howard said Glenn Frey is gone now. He said it's depressing to see them all going. Steven said that he isn't sure what happened with them but it happens. He said we're like fruit and we all get bruised.
Howard said that Steven was a maniac as a younger man. Howard said he came through the drug use and his voice is still good. Steven said Robin came through it all too. He said congrats to her. Robin thanked him.
Steven said that he'll still have a few puffs of his girlfriend's stuff and he goes ''wow'' to that. He said that he still sticks to the 12 step thing. He said that he's a patient advocate and he will help out with that. He said he can talk people off the ledge and tell them what he's been through.
Howard asked if Steven thinks he'll ever go back to drugs. Steven said he's just one hit record away from going back. He said that it would be like being sober now but then what if your mom or dad dies. He said the first thing you reach for is a hit of courage. He said it's so hard to survive in this world. He said he doesn't blame people for getting high. He said people need to. He said he got so stoned that he lost it all.
Howard said Steven is very dedicated to singing and that's a lot of what makes a band. Howard asked if that's part of it. Steven said that they just kept going and kept going. He said he sees 19 albums and he wonders how it happened. He said they did one and then they took a few months break and went back into it. He said they just kept going year after year.
Howard asked if the drug thing was because of an album that didn't do well. Steven said that it's the whole thing. He said he was 26 when he started in Aerosmith. He said they started out with $175 a night for rent and then they went to making 30 grand a night each. He said that's when you start doing all of that stuff.
Howard asked Steven if he ever thought that it wouldn't last so he wanted to take it easy. Steven said he went balls to the wall from the start. He said they toured for 10 years and you just don't stop. He said in 1979 or 1980 he was a mess.
Steven said the blow and the pills worked for awhile. He said he wrote Dream On and a bunch of other hits while he was high. He said it worked for a while. He said that it took its toll on him though.
Howard said he doesn't think he could ever write a song. Steven said they could write one. He said they have to make a deal to stay in the room until you can't stand each other's smell or until they have a song. He said that's what he did with Joe. Howard asked if they have too many people in the room does it get to be too much. Steven said that it can be too much when one guy is working on the microphone and the other is trying to hear his drums and all of that.
Howard asked if the guys get insulted when you tell the guys they're interrupting the song writing. Steven said that it was an argument all the time. He said that's what can end the band. He said everyone in Aerosmith stuck around and that's what kept them going. He said they all stuck around for the greater of the band. He said he would never be what he is without the band.
Howard asked Steven if he had OCD and if the drugs helped with that. Steven said he does things in a certain way and he hears notes in a certain tune. He said if the guys are playing out of tune then he has to say something. He said he doesn't know how not to say something. He said that Joe would say he has LSD or Lead Singer Disorder. He said that it's never the lead singer though. He said that he'll work in whatever way he has to. He said he would be nothing without that band. He said he just wants everyone to know that. He said he loves those guys to death. He said that Joe wouldn't be who he is without the band either.
Howard said that the band has to be mad at him for putting out this solo album. Howard said Steven is going to do what he wants to do. Howard said they want him to themselves. Howard said they're angry about this. Steven said he has heard from Joey about some things that were said on the internet. He said that Joey said he thought he was quitting to go do country. Steven said he's not going to quit that band. He said he loves being with his family. He said he has his team and he wants to be with Aerosmith. He said that he loves being with his family and he should be angry at the guys getting angry at him but he's not going to fight fire with fire. He said he is going to love them to death. He said he thinks they're angry that he's being successful with this project.
Howard asked why he didn't give this song to Aerosmith. Steven said he's done that for 40 years. He said that he was saving stuff for the band and he has never done a solo project before. He said Joe has done 6 and Brad has done 2. He said now they're mad at him for doing one. He said it's like ''Wait a minute...''
Howard asked if he sat the band down and told them that he's not abandoning them. Steven said he has done that and he did it twice. He said that he's not giving up the band. Steven said that he has left his year open and he's going on tour with them in South America at some point. He called for Amy or Rebecca to come in. Rebecca came in so Howard asked what they were going to ask. Steven said Howard's brain went blank because of her. He said she's got the boobs and the leather pants. Howard said Steven is always in hunting mode. Howard said Steven wrote to him the other day about how he thinks about all of the pussy he's not getting.
Steven asked Rebecca about the tour. Rebecca said it's actually a secret and they can't say where they're going. She said it could be coming up soon. Steven said the band is angry at him because he's working on Janie's fund and going on tour with Loving Mary. He said it should be in October/November.
Howard asked Steven about growing up in Massachusetts. Steven said there was no one for a mile. He said Joe lived across the lake and who knew. He said one day he got this thought to get a wire to string to an apple tree to hear the radio. He said at night you can pick up stations all over the planet. He said he picked up a station from Fort Wayne Indiana. He said he loved that station. He told Howard the songs he was hearing at the age of 9 and how they affected him. He said he didn't know about sex but he felt it in a Johnny Horton song.
Howard asked if anyone can write a song. Steven said they can. He said that Howard has lyrics. He said just listen to his show. He said every day he does a show he is doing a song. He said you have to hit on a theme and come up with a title. He said then you write on it.
Howard asked Steven about being with women and being a sex addict. Steven said that he doesn't know a human being that wouldn't go there like he did. He said that anyone would do it. Steven said that the strongest drug he ever took was music. He said he fell in love with Joe and Sweet Emotion was about his girlfriend. He said that he said to the band that if they lived together they'd wake up and be playing music. He said that he loved Joe so much. He said he has been in bands since 1964. He said he met Joe in 1971. He said he was at Woodstock and he was waken up by Hendrix playing. He said he met Joey Kramer walking through the woods there. He said that he was walking down a path and he must have taken 3 tabs of LSD. He said he remembered him from high school.
Howard asked Steven about how hard it was for him to watch Hendrix or Mountain on stage and if he thought that he should be up there. Steven said it wasn't ''fuck those guys'' it was ''Those guys are so great I want to be that.''
Howard asked Steven about being a bad ass in school. He said he wasn't a bad ass. He said he was called the N-word lips and other names for having long hair. He said that he took a lot of beatings for the way he looked. He said that he never had it in him to punch anyone in the face. He said if someone came near Chelsea he'd shoot them in the face with a gun though. Howard asked if he carries a gun for self defense. Steven remained silent. Howard said we don't know then. Howard said he must like guns. Steven said he thinks that everyone should go through a 21 day check before getting one. Robin asked how he'd get one then.
Howard said Steven was talking about the NRA. Steven said the government weasels in and they want to take away assault rifles. He said that it'll start with that and then they'll take more.
Steven was talking about how he thinks the government took JFK out. Howard said he just goes along with what the reports say. Howard asked if he believes that the World Trade Center was a conspiracy. Steven said he doesn't know enough about that.
Howard asked Steven what the greatest gun to own for self defense is. Steven said that a revolver is great. Howard said that a six shot Smith & Wesson revolver is great. Howard asked how good a shot he is. Steven said he's pretty good. He said he's good enough to defend himself at home. He said he had a kid come to his gate once and he jumped the gate. He said he was eating breakfast and he gets a knock at the door. Steven said he went out and asked the guy what he was doing there. The guy seemed a little off but not enough to be dangerous. He said he didn't even have a pistol on him. He said the kid claims that his mother told him that he sang about him in a song. He said he told the kid it could have been about him but it's not. He explained what the lyrics meant and then the guy left. He said he called the cops after he left and then found out he was off his meds. He said that's why someone might carry a gun. He said he doesn't carry but people who are with him do. He said he's pretty sure he's fine and doesn't have to worry about anyone taking him out.
Howard said that Aerosmith has sold more than 150 million albums. Howard said that they are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said that is so great. He said people have to be jealous of him. Howard said he has lasted for decades. He said there are very few people who can do that. Steven said it's the way he was brought up. He said he got smacked in the head like in any Italian family.
Howard asked Steven about Cheap Trick and if he has been asked to induct them. Steven said he doesn't know about that but maybe his manager does. He said that it's great that they're going in. He said they weren't inducted the first year they were nominated. Steven said that they were told so-and-so doesn't like them but he just left that alone.
Howard said Steven performed with Taylor Swift. Steven said that he thinks the world of her and Lady Gaga. He said that he admires them and Madonna for doing what they do in a man's world. He said it's tough out there.
Howard asked if Steven is boycotting the Oscars. Steven said he's not but he thinks that whole thing is bullshit.
Howard asked if Steven is the guy responsible for getting Slash and Axl back together. Steven said he's sure that he's not solely responsible. He said he did have a talk with Axl years ago. He said he told him that they have to get back together again soon because we fucking miss them. He said Jon Bon Jovi told him that years ago when he was in rehab. He said that Jon did that for him. He said when Jon was young he was sweeping up at the Record Plant when they were working. He said he was nice to the kid back then. He said he knew his uncle who produced something with them. He said Jon said that they had to get back out there because people need you. He said you have to do it or you'll miss that place in time. He said he's also the lead singer of another great band and he has the right to feel that way. He said that he wants to keep the fire and the music together.
Howard asked if he knew Slash before he did the birthday bash thing. Steven said he's known him and he's done things with him a million times. Howard asked what is going on with Guns N' Roses. Steven said he talked to Axl about it and there is a lot going on there. He said it's personal stuff. He said he wont talk about it. He said they are getting back together now and they're going to go out and perform. He said that people love Axl alone but he's great in the band.
Howard asked if he would get Jimmy Page and Robert Plant back together. Steven said he tried. He said he got a call from Jimmy's manager and they were rehearsing without Robert Plant. He said he went to the studio and the four of them played and did everything. Steven said they did it all. He said he's sure someone recorded it. Steven said that it was to see if they could do it. Howard asked if he told Jimmy it was fucking great. Steven said he did. He said that he told them he'd do anything with them but he can't do a cover thing. He said he's still in Aerosmith though. He said that Robert Plant has to get over his anger. He said that he is such a great artist who has gone in so many directions. He said he loves that. He said he did a lot of great things. He said he has a song out that's really great. He said it would be great if they got back together. Steven said he is in a rock band and he sings and he knows what they do to people. Howard said Joe would tell him to just be in Aerosmith. Steven said they will. He said he just wanted to do this one thing.
Howard asked if he has ever had sex to his own music. Steven said he has of course. He said he's put headphones on a girl and just told her to listen. Howard asked Steven about doing that and if the girl is hot. Steven said of course. He said he likes to go after regular women. He said he's attracted to the fire of a hot chick. He said who's not? Howard said it must be so great to be with a woman and play your own music for her.
Howard asked Steven if he'd have sex with fat groupies. Steven said sure. Howard said he's a real man. Steven said he got into the 3 and 4 girl thing too. He said he once came off stage at The Cow Palace in San Francisco and went to a club there. He said that everyone did. He said there was a guy who used to hang out there who was a great poet. He said that he had gotten into his dressing room and there were 12 girls in there giving head to one another. He said it only happened once. He said it was amazing though. He said he doesn't remember exactly what happened that night. He said it was very freaky and amazing.
Howard asked if he ever had to pay for drugs. Steven said he has. He said that it was usually people buying. He said that he would end up with John Belushi and he was able to just keep going and going. He said he would be shocked to see him standing after doing some stuff. He said he ended up in rehab himself. Howard asked if he ever almost died. Steven said 3 or 4 times. He said that his friends would put him in a tub with cold water. He said that you just keep snorting and drinking and you don't know if it's too much. Steven said he doesn't just stand on stage doing nothing. He said he moves around and that helps him stay in shape.
Howard asked if Steven is religious. Steven said he is. He said that he thinks that your soul goes somewhere. He said it goes somewhere. Howard asked if he saw anything when he almost died. Steven said he doesn't think that he was that close to death. He said that he hasn't been there yet. Howard said he really has been there and back.
Howard asked if he thinks that it's just too much going on. Steven said he can handle it. He said the drama in his life used to be a 10 but now it's like a 4. He said it used to go to 8 but then it would go back to 4.
Howard asked Steven about the new album and Steven said that he's picking his fingers. He called out for Mia. Howard asked who he is in love with. Steven said he's in love with Amy. He said she came on board about 5 years ago. He said that she is great. He said she tells him she loves him. Howard asked if he's having a love affair with his assistant. Steven said he is. He said that she knows what to do to make what they do work. He said that she knows when to go to bed at night to get up early. He said he's not going to come in there dragging his ass. He said there is a method to his madness. He said all of the people who work with him help with all of that.
Howard said he liked Steven on the John Lennon tribute show. He said that was a great show. He said Steven must have loved The Beatles. Steven said he does. Steven said that he got the call from Yoko asking him to do that show and he did it. Howard said John Lennon was the greatest.
Steven said he gives a shout out to Tom Petty in his single. He said he has a show called Tom Petty Buried Treasure. He said he has been trying to get a hold of him to do the show. He said everything he plays is everything he ever heard. He said he listens to it and cries. He said the music he plays is stuff he hasn't heard in 40 years. He said he's tried to get him on the phone but he won't take his fucking call.
Howard played some of the new single that Steven has out called Red, White & You. They spent a little time listening to the song. Howard asked how long it takes to write. Steven said maybe 8 or 9 hours. He said he had a bunch of people working with him on the song.
Howard said Robin liked that song so much she was line dancing with her top off. Howard asked if he still watches American Idol at all. Steven said no. He said he thinks that he'll do something for the final season. He said he thinks it was great for the two years he was on it. He said he liked J-Lo when he worked with her. Howard said he doesn't like her. He said she gives him the stink eye every time he sees her. Steven said he likes Randy Jackson. Howard said he likes Randy too.
Howard gave Steven some more plugs and said that the single is available on iTunes. He said that Steven is doing this Janie's fund thing too. Howard said that he loves him for coming in there. Howard said he is beloved because he does great music and he's a great human being. He said he can't tell him what he means to him. He thanked him for coming in there. Howard said any girls who want to fuck him have to become his assistant.
Steven talked about the Janie's fund thing and how he wrote the song about Janie having a gun. He said he saw all of the shooting stuff going on. He said he thought it would be cool to have a Janie's house. He said he met people from Youth Villages. He said they came up with the Janie's fund thing. He said they asked people to take his microphone stand and tweet out a picture. He said Howard did it. He said they're trying to get the word out about abused women. He said there's no place to go. He said that's what Janie's fund is about. Steven said he's working with this group and it's taking off. Howard said Steven has said it all and probably said too much. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later. They played Aerosmith performing ''Pink'' in the Howard Stern Show studio as they were going to break.
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Howard picked up the phone and said he had Joe Perry on the line. It was Sour Shoes doing his thing and singing an Aerosmith song. Howard said Joe can sing too. Howard asked him to do Mad Dog Russo singing that song too. Sour didn't hear him because he was singing so loud. Howard said he had an idea for him but he's lost in the song. Sour finally stopped singing and broke into Mad Dog Russo for a second before Howard hung up.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about how great that interview was and how well the two of them work together. Howard said he told Steven he makes his job easy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Steven stole a girlfriend from him that he brought to one of his shows. Howard said of course he did. The guy said he was at a club and they were doing a private concert there. He said they wanted 18-23 year old girls at the show and it was up to him to bring the girls there. Howard cut him off and asked why he would do that. He said he knows better than to bring a girl to a show like that. He said he'd keep his wife away from Steven.
Howard had Robin start her news after playing her in with a song parody. Robin started her news with a story about their winter storm that they went through. Robin said it was called Jonah. Robin said some are calling it Snowzilla because of how much came down in such a short time. Robin said Manhattan got 26.8 inches. Robin said they had 30.5 at JFK airport. Robin said they had 31.3 in Staten Island. Robin said there were other places that got over 40 inches.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she did a Baba Booey with her Flat Ronnie on a news show. Howard said he thinks she got on TV on the news. Howard said she was trudging around in the snow with Flat Ronnie.
Robin said they say that 19 people died from this storm. Robin said there were shoveling deaths and accidents among other things. Robin said at lest 6 have died during the clean up. Robin wondered if Sal's wife rested while she was shoveling. Howard said Sal watched while she did all of that work. Robin said that one story is about a pregnant teen who died while shoveling. Howard said that these people sit around doing nothing and then go out and exert themselves and die. Howard said he won't go out and do that. Howard said he was in the city for this storm. Howard said he had to go to a tooth appointment because his tooth cracked. He said he wouldn't have left if he didn't have to do that.
Howard took a call from Tommy from Malden who asked if he has spoken to Chris Rock about the Oscars. Howard said he has not. He said that he thinks that he should stick to doing it. Howard said they're trying to shame him into not doing it. Howard said he cracked his tooth on a bagel.
Tommy asked if the new George Clooney movie looks horrible. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. Tommy told Howard about it but Howard hadn't seen the commercials yet. Howard said he was watching the Godfather epic over the weekend.
Robin said that she watched Lisa Lampanelli's special over the weekend and that was great. Robin said she also watched some other stuff. Robin said that she started watching Sons of Anarchy finally. Robin said she's going to start in on that. Tommy told Howard he has to watch Family Guy. Howard said he has to get out of this conversation and hung up on Tommy.
Robin read a story about a 911 operator who helped a dad deliver a baby since an ambulance wasn't able to get to the woman. Howard said he thinks he could do that. Robin said it worked because the child and the mother are doing just fine.
Robin said the new iPhone 5 SE is expected out in March. Robin said this is going to be smaller. Howard said he doesn't want that.
Robin read a story about how the pope is going to start washing women's feet finally. Robin said she didn't know it but in the past it was only men's feet that he'd wash.
Robin read about the death of Alan Rickman. Howard said he was good in Die Hard. Robin said he was in Love Actually and Harry Potter. Robin said that he didn't realize how serious his cancer was until a few months ago. Robin said they say he was out doing things and didn't know just how sick he was. Robin had some audio of Alan reading a poem and the audio quality was awful so Howard did an impression of that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the human brain and how it has even more storage capacity previously though. Robin said it's able to store one petabyte of data. Robin said that's enough memory to store 13 years of high definition video.
Robin read about Tina Fey showing up on Saturday Night Live this weekend to do her Sarah Palin character. Howard said that he loves when she does it. Howard said Darrell Hammond was doing Trump too. Robin had a clip of her doing the impression on Saturday Night Live. Howard said the only problem is that she's getting too skinny to play Palin these days.
Howard read some email and one guy said that he loves the JD talk on the show. That led to Howard talking about how JD freaked out in their meeting last week when they suggested having a guy go into JD's apartment with a black light to see if there are jizz stains all over. JD freaked out and said that's not going to happen. Howard said JD seems to feel that he may have missed a spot. JD said he doesn't think there's anything wrong with his feet but he's not going to show them just in case. Howard asked JD if he thinks there are loads on his ceiling. JD said no but he doesn't know what could be there. He said he could get made fun of for the rest of his life over something being found. Howard said imagine they go in there and his apartment glows like a nuclear reactor. Howard said he's pretty sure you wouldn't find anything in his apartment. JD said he doesn't know what could be in his apartment. JD said he's not even talking about jizzum. He said he's talking about something else. Howard said it's like he's afraid that he jizzed into a fan and it's going to be all over the place. Howard asked if there would be a problem with them checking his office. JD said no. He said he doesn't want anyone in his apartment. JD said maybe they should check Sal's house for jizz. Howard said there is no because his wife doesn't touch him. Howard played a song parody about JD after that. Howard said on the PDT thing where it scrolls things about the show it says ''JD's Jizz.''
Robin said over the weekend a controversy popped up about Amy Schumer stealing jokes. Howard said he saw something about that. Robin said people are accusing Amy of stealing jokes from a few people. Robin said one of the comedians is now apologizing for saying she stole jokes. Robin said that sometimes you have similar ideas that come out and people are backing down from the claim now. Howard said that he's sure it stresses Amy out. Robin said she heard Amy was going to address the situation on her show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Democratic caucus that's happening tonight. Robin had some details about that and had audio of a political expert talking about what Hillary Clinton should do. Robin had some other audio clips to play as well.
Howard took a call from Joey Boots who said that Fred the Elephant Boy his already violating Howard's order not to say anything. He said that Fred is tweeting about ''the unmentionable'' instead of using his name. Howard said he wants to tell his audience what went on earlier. Howard said High Pitch Eric was arrested on Friday because Elephant Boy felt his life was threatened. Howard said he negotiated a truce and now this is going on. Joey said he thinks that Fred is envious of the attention that Eric is getting now. He said that he thinks Fred thinks he should be getting appearances and stuff and he's doing all of this to get it taken away from Eric. Howard said he is shocked by all of this. He said this is a very volatile situation.
Gary came in and said that they're not Fred's tweets. They're retweets. He said Fred is just retweeting what people are saying. Gary read some of those but Joey said there are some that Fred wrote. Howard said he can't do anything about this right now. He said maybe tomorrow he will. He said he has to think about it. Joey said there should be a ban or something for violating what Howard asked him to do. Howard asked Elephant Boy to please knock it off. He said Fat Dull Lives Matter. Howard let Joey go after that. Then he did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about Bernie Sanders getting all hopped up and doing well in the polls. Robin said he thinks that he can beat Donald Trump too. Howard said he never thought he'd see that.
Robin read a story about Rick Santorum being the next one to drop out of the race if he doesn't do well in the next round of debates.
Robin read a story about how you can name a cockroach and the Bronx Zoo is offering that up for Valentine's day. Robin said that it might not be as bad a thing to do as it sounds.
Robin read about how Amazon is in the rocket business. Robin said Jeff Bezos is looking into building a rocket that will be reusable to make space travel easier. Robin said they did a test and they were able to fly 63 miles into space and then land again.
Robin read a story about Louie Tomlinson from One Direction and how TMZ is saying that he witnessed the birth of his son on Sunday. Robin read more details for that story.
Robin read a story about The Revenant beating winter at the box office. Robin said it made $16 million. Robin said that theaters were shut down in New York because of the weather so it cut back on that a bit. Robin said that Star Wars has made over $880 million domestically. Gary said it's approaching 2 billion worldwide. Robin read about the other top 3 movies before wrapping up the news. Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon played a clip of some of the stuff that happened on the show today. Jon said that Ronnie was calling out Sal about his hair today. Jon said it was confirmed today that Sal is getting hair plugs. Jon asked Rahsaan what the poll is about today. Rahsaan said that they're asking ''Were Sal's Hair Plugs Worth It?''
Jon asked Garry if he would ever have his wife shovel the driveway. Garry said no way. Jon said Sal's wife has always shoveled it. He said that he picked Sal up today on his way into work. Jon said the railroad wasn't running so he gave Sal a lift. He said his driveway looked plowed and it was his wife who did it. Jon said he wondered how he does it.
Jon said he's not sure why Sal is getting hair plugs at this point in his life. Garry asked where he got them because maybe he should be looking into it. Jon said Sal is a never ending fountain of entertainment for him. Rahsaan said he thinks he needs it for confidence. He said that it's probably a personal insecurity. Jon said he gets wanting to look good but putting on make up and taking an hour longer than your wife to get ready then you might have some issues to deal with. Garry said he doesn't do that. He said he spends about 5 minutes. Jon said that's most guys. He said that's not Sal's M.O. though.
Jon talked about JD for a minute and how he's resisting having the black light guy come to his apartment a little too much. They spent a short time on that and then went to break.
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Jon said Steven talked about how he could write a song with Howard. Jon said that he said that anyone can write a song. Gary said he's always excite when Steven comes in. He said he's a legend and he's at the point where he doesn't care about being fired. He said that he is living his life the way he wants to.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's with Sal on this shoveling the snow thing. He said that Sal's wife sits on her ass all week. Gary told him that they have 3 kids so she's not sitting on her ass. Gary said this was the second biggest snow storm of their history and it's not a little bit of snow. The caller said all of these women want to be treated like a man so go out and shovel. Jon said she's been doing this for years. He said every marriage works differently but in most this doesn't fly. Jon asked if the caller is married. The guy said he's divorced actually. Gary said he and his wife both did shoveling but they traded off. He said they would go out every 90 minutes or so. Jon said that Sal not shoveling because of his hair plugs is bullshit. He said he thinks that it's because he just doesn't want to shovel.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was on Instagram a little while ago and saw his hair. He asked if it was edited because it's so obvious that you can see right down to his scalp. Jon said he saw that picture load and it wasn't Photoshopped at all. He said that is what you see.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's looking forward to seeing Garry on Sunday night at his show. He said he hopes it's a good one. Garry said he does too.
Jon brought up Steven Tyler asked Garry what it's like on the road for him. Garry said it's all very glamorous. He said if you believe that then come out on the road for 10 days and you'll be begging to go home. They spent a little more time talking to Garry about what it's like being out on the road. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said that the E Street Band should have gone into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when Bruce was inducted. Jon asked Garry what he thinks about the hall of fame. Garry said he doesn't really care. He said he thought about it and thought it was kind of cool not being in it. He said his daughter thought it would be kind of cool if he was in there. He said he thought about it and thought that it would be pretty cool. Jon said it's more for the fans and their pride in the band than for the people who are inducted. Garry said the fans care more about it than he ever did.
Jon said he wants to talk about Howard's obsession with Camp David. Gary said it's something that Howard's dad used to complain about. He said once Howard gets on it he's fixated on it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said this is his first time calling the show. He said Sal's not shoveling the snow proves that he's a cunt. He said it's disgusting. Jon said the earlier caller said that he is a man for making his wife shovel. The caller said absolutely not. He said men use testosterone to move things and that's what we are on the planet for. Gary said that Sal spent a large mount of money on his hair plugs so do you want that splitting open? The caller said that they should have found someone to do it for them. Gary said if he spent 3 grand on his hair then what's another 100 bucks to shovel? Gary agreed with the guy on that. Gary said that Sal did talk about how he was looking for the Mexicans to help shovel.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said 81 percent of the votes said it was not worth it to get the plugs. Gary said of course. Jon said that won't change Sal's mind though.
Jon gave Garry some more plugs for his album and asked what it's like. They spent a little bit of time talking about that and then wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:45am.
Howard started the show talking about Benjy and how he still has that beard. He said it's thick and luxurious like Sal's new hair. Howard said he was talking to Richard before the show and talking about Sal's hair plugs. Howard said Richard told him every half hour an alarm goes off and it's to remind Sal to water his hair plugs like crops. Robin said they really are like crops. Howard said he has to wet them down. Howard said he asked why he can't shovel snow and Richard said he doesn't know.
Sal came in and said he has to irrigate his hair plugs. He said the worst is being out in the cold because he can't put a hood on. He said the doctor told him that it could yank the follicle out. Sal said he couldn't shovel snow because of the stitches. He said he could break them. Robin said his head isn't straining though. Fred said yes he is.
Howard said everyone is saying behind his back that he can't let his wife shovel like that. Sal said his 3 sons helped too. He said they're 16, 13 and 11. Howard said their dad is inside because if his hair plugs. Sal said he didn't tell them about them. He said he told them that he hit his head on a desk.
Gary said Sal was talking about feeling blood running down his back. Sal said he could hear the tearing too. Howard said when he gets older he's going to have a big scar on his head. Sal said he knows. He said David Lee Roth has that too. Sal said the worst part was feeling blood running down his neck. Howard said he looks so much better now. He said he looks like George Clooney.
Howard said Sal and Richard have Memet in their office now. Howard said he works with them and he says it's disgusting. He talks about Sal's head and his e-cigarette. He said they're farting a lot too. Sal said he's on milk of magnesia. He said he's on opiates from his scarring and he's constipated.
Howard had some audio of Sal farting on Will. He found the clip and played the clip. Sal farted near Will and Will said he hopes it runs back and poisons his hair follicles. Memet had to sit through it.
Howard said Sal has become a master of phony phone calls. Howard said he heard an amateur doing it and he realized how good Sal is. Howard said Sal is a master now. He said there you go. Robin said he has come so far. He used to just do the Horse Tooth Jackass. Howard said Richard is a master too. Sal said Richard is his inspiration.
Howard played the amateur call he was talking about. Howard said that this is a Baba Booey reference and he only got off one so it's not as professional as Sal. In the call the guy was struggling to get his words out and eventually he mumbles out a Baba Booey. Howard asked Sal how he'd mentor this guy. Sal said the set up was horrible. He said he thought he was doing a nervous type of thing but it wasn't. Howard said Sal's talent is useless. Sal said he used to prank his religion teacher and he has taken a beating over that. Gary asked what he was saying to the teacher. Sal said he was talking dirty to her. He mentioned the King Kullen store it was next to. Howard said they're pretty much out of business now. He said they had one in Roosevelt and they used to burn down every few months.
Howard said he has a FOX TV clip where an Uber driver was in the news being interviewed. JD said these were all during blizzard coverage. Howard said the news was very boring and thank god for the fans. Howard said this guy thinks on his feet and throws in a Baba Booey. The guy said he wanted to talk to the reporter. Then he snuck in a Baba Booey at the end of the interview. Howard said they did a study and found the people out in the horrible blizzard were their fans.
Howard said this is another Baba Booey. He played the clip of someone being interviewed about a race they had out in the snow. Someone yelled out Baba Booey a few times.
Howard said he doesn't get it when people are out running around in the snow. He said Richard played football out there. He said he must have had a lot of drinks.
Howard played another Baba Booey reference during the blizzard. In that clip a reporter was talking about a gas station thing and a guy came running over yelling Baba Booey.
Howard said there's another one where a guy is in a full costume and the news crews wanted to talk to him. Howard said he got out a Baba Booey with that whole thing on. Howard played that and the guy said he was out for a snowball fight. He got in a Baba Booey as he was ending the interview.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn screamed out during the blizzard. In that one a reporter was talking about the roads and Mariann came running over and yelled Baba Booey and showed her Flat Ronnie. The reporter said that was a Howard Stern Fan out there in Bay Ridge. He even mentioned it was Mariann from Brooklyn.
Howard said there are people who are yelling out ''Fuck her right in the pussy'' which is way out of control. Howard said that someone got that out on CBS news. Howard said they have nothing to do with that. Howard played a clip of the guy saying it during a live broadcast. The reporter ignored it and kept going.
Howard said the people who have yelled out the fuck her right in the pussy are the guys who haven't actually done it.
Howard played a clip of a reporter mumbling the name of another reporter as she throws it to her. Then she says ''Jersey Shitty'' instead of Jersey City. Sal said she got it right the first time. Robin told him to take it easy with that.
Howard said he has another clip of a reporter being pranked and having no idea that they're being pranked. Howard said no one is listening to their own news. Howard played the clip and this guy calls in as an official from the road department and he says that his drug dealer and prostitute were on their way he they didn't make it. The reporter just keeps asking questions. He has no idea that he's being pranked. The prank caller keeps going with his prank and takes more questions from the clueless reporters. He keeps mentioning hookers and the reporters keep him on.
Howard said that everyone in that clip should be fired. Howard asked how they don't hear that. Sal asked how the people behind the scenes don't hear it. Howard said that guy was very relaxed.
Howard asked Sal if he has anymore to say about his hair plugs. Sal said he does have to water them every half hour. Sal said he's going to wait until he gets home today. He said that he can wait 6-10 hours now. He said it's not water though. He said it's some sort of lipid solution. Howard said he takes that and sprays his head with it. Sal said it helps the healing process and the follicles to set in. Howard said he has a pompado now. Howard said he wasn't able to shovel snow because of the hair plugs. Howard asked if he saw a bald spot in the back as he walked out. Fred said that's where he should have put it. Robin saw it too. Sal said he got the bald spot plugged up. Howard asked if that's where he sprays. Sal said it is. He said most of the plugs are back there. Howard said now he'll have hair there.
Howard said he thought the hair thing was in the front. Sal said he did some in the front. Howard said it came down too far because it doesn't look natural. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
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Howard said he ordered out this eggplant Parmesan. He said he eats around 4 and it's too early. He said he only has a small portion. He said he keeps it in the tin so it stays warm. He said he's watching Neil Cavuto when he's eating his dinner. Howard said that it's kind of weird cutting into the plastic. He knows he's eating some of the plastic but he doesn't care.
Howard said he went to bed after finishing the Godfather epic. He said he finished that and didn't even beat off. Howard said he figured maybe Beth wanted to have sex with him so he needed one in the chamber. Robin asked if he has ever considered conserving his seed. Howard said don't jerk off. Robin said that she heard you can have an orgasm and not let anything out. Howard said that's bullshit. He said you can't do that. Howard said there have been times that you sort of have one and nothing comes out but it isn't a great feeling.
Howard said he got in bed around 9. He said he got up around 2 and he was starving. He said as soon as the show is over Ronnie comes running in with his lunch which is an egg wrap. He said it's whole eggs in a wrap. He said there's not even tomato in it. Howard said he doesn't know what happened there. He said he will eat that and then eat dinner with a bunch of dudes. He said he has to wait until 5:30. He said he wonders how he's going to last that long.
Howard said he wants to make a movie with Nick. He said in the Wolfman the guy turns into a wolf when there's a full moon. Howard said with Nick they have him turn into Radical Nick from regular Nick. Howard said they have to keep him under control and lock him up in a cage or a special room when the full moon comes out. Howard said the poem comes out and all hell breaks loose. Howard said it's going to be a great movie. Howard said he'll get an Academy Award and that will be great because he's a black man.
Howard played more of Nick and said he'd be a black panther if he wasn't getting the pussy he's getting. Howard played more of his rap and he mentions Chris Rock and says ''go ahead and rock that shit'' about the Oscars. Howard wondered why he would say that. Gary had a transcript of the rap so he read the next line which was about how he has the juice now so he can fight the power. JD told Howard the last line explains the Chris Rock thing. Howard played more of Nick and Nick was telling Chris to save his voice for other people in the world. Howard said he didn't know Nick was this angry. He said he would wear a hoodie to work and he'd be doing rehearsal in it. Howard said this is pretty heavy.
Howard played more of Nick's rap and said he gets so much pussy. He said he was watching the parade of models walking in and out of that rehearsal. Robin said they're not doing their job if he's still that angry. Howard said you can't be that angry if you're getting laid that much. Howard said maybe he's not busting a nut.
Gary said there are only 4 lines left in the rap. Howard played the rest of the clip and Nick finishes up his rap. Howard said that he needs bongos behind him like that Whitey's on The Moon'' thing. Fred played the bongos for a few seconds but Howard had to get to Bill Clinton on the phone.
Howard asked Bill about Carly Fiorina. bill said he'd fuck her. Howard asked how he feels about her running for president. Bill said he'd fuck her.
Howard asked Bill about Hillary's email scandal and if he thinks that she'll go to jail. Bill said he's never that lucky. Howard said that this is going downhill. He said it was funny a few questions ago. Howard said he thinks he should wrap it up. Howard spent a little more time talking to fake Bill before he ended the suffering.
Howard said he has to take a break but he has to get to Wolfie. He picked up on him and asked if he can hold on through the break. Wolfie said he can.
Howard said the other day he said he could sing better than that Portuguese guy. Howard said the guys took some audio of him singing and called a radio show. Howard played the prank call where they called a show and played audio of Howard singing some Bowie songs just making up words. The host hung up on him so the guys called back and said that he was upset. They had clips of Howard yelling at someone that they used to yell at the host of the show. They called back a few times and had Howard calling them more names. Then they called back with Howard singing again.
Howard said that was pretty good. He said he likes when the guys use his horrible singing. Howard said that he was thinking about Nick's poem and it reminded him of Leelee Sobieski doing her's after 9/11. Howard played some of that and said that he thinks Nick has her beat. They went to break after that.
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Howard said High Pitch Eric could end up going to jail. He said from what he heard Elephant Boy is going to press charges. Howard said he's going to stick with it.
Howard said Elephant Boy is still retweeting and Eric is still threatening Elephant Boy. Howard said he has to stop or he'll end up going to jail. Howard played a clip of what it would sound like if High Pitch Eric went to jail. They had some audio of Eric moaning and a guy banging him.
Howard said Joey Boots has a podcast and he has Eric on the show all the time. He said Joey told him that he can't contact Elephant Boy but Eric doesn't get it. He said Eric asked Gonzo Shitcock to contact him instead. Howard played a clip of Eric saying that he will have to have Gonzo be his go between guy. Joey told him that he can't have anyone contact him. He said that's what Eric doesn't understand.
Howard played another clip of Joey talking to Eric and Eric saying that he wants to kill Gonzo. Joey told him he can't do that either. Gonzo said they have him on tape threatening to kill him about 500 times. Eric talked about breaking into Gonzo's room and raping him. Howard said that he just doesn't get it. Robin said that Eric doesn't get what the difference is between a threat and having an opinion. Robin said that Fred can say the things he says because they're opinions. Robin said he hasn't said he's going to do anything to him.
Howard said he's getting a lot of mail about Eric. Howard said that he's threatening someone's safety for the fifth time and he's not being punished. The writer said that if he was able to buy a gun he might actually kill someone. Howard said there are consequences. Howard said they have Special People's Court tomorrow. Robin said Howard should say something to Eric about losing privileges for being on the show. Howard said that's what Wendy is going to do.
Howard said that he learned about how big High Pitch Eric's feet are on Joey's show. He wears a 14 wide. Howard played the clip and talked about just how big they are. They can be a 14 wide or a 15 E.
Howard said they went Wendy 500 bucks and she claims that she didn't get it. They sent it and now she claims that she said that because it's almost all gone. Howard said that's Wendy logic. Howard said that's who will be judging High Pitch Eric and Elephant Boy tomorrow.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a black guy about beer and other things. The guy was yelling his answers and saying some crazy things about women and telling Wolfie about his favorite racial slurs.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking to Wolfie about Hillary Clinton and what message he'd give to a transgender person and things like that. The guy sounded pretty drunk but Howard said he sounds pretty rational. He was talking about fucking a girl and cumming on her face while she's asleep.
Howard said Wolfie met this guy who just drank 84 glasses of beer. Howard said these guys aren't kidding either. Howard played the clip and the guy said he hopes to consume about 150. He'd already had 84. Wolfie asked him questions about Hillary Clinton and Obama. The guy had some negative things to say about them. Howard said the glasses are 4 ounce glasses so that 64 glasses was like 21 beers.
Howard played another interview where Wolfie asked the drunk guy questions about politics. The guy was saying that the accomplishment Obama will have this year is learning that even black people hate him.
Howard said this was interesting. He said this guy was pretty loaded but he was supporting Bill Cosby. In the clip the guy was talking about how he wanted to have 200 glasses of beer. He said he's the designated driver too. He said that he doesn't care if Bill Cosby is guilty or not. He said he's still Mr. Huxtable.
Howard asked Wolfie if he was surprised by that. Wolfie said that he isn't surprised by anything after talking to these people. Howard said that's who Cosby's people want on the jury. Wolfie said he was in Philly so he could end up on the jury.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy who said ''David Trump'' instead of Donald. Howard said he sees that High Pitch Eric is on the phone. Howard said he should take that call.
Howard said he has to see if Eric understands any of this. Howard asked Eric if he has the right to threaten the life of Fred if he tweets that he's a fat fuck. Eric said no. Howard asked if Fred writes that he's mooching off the government and he's a creep, does he have the right to threaten him. Eric said it's wrong to write that stuff. Robin said it's not against the law though.
Howard asked if he has the right to say he's going to kill Fred if he says that they should take away his benefits. Eric said something about texting Fred instead. Howard asked Eric more questions about when he can threaten Fred. Eric seemed to understand that he can't do that. Howard said that when Fred gives his opinion he can't threaten Fred and he can't file a complaint.
Howard said tomorrow they'll bring in Judge Wendy to go over all of this. Howard said he has no idea what will happen tomorrow. Howard said he just wants to know if Wendy shits in her diaper or eats from a dumpster. Howard said that Judge Wendy is going to listen to all of this and figure out who is right or wrong. Robin said that the first issue is whether or not it's a credible threat. Robin said that they have to figure out if Fred went against Howard's edict not to tweet. Robin said they have to figure out what the sentences are.
Howard asked Eric more questions and Eric seems to get that he can't threaten Fred over his opinions. Eric said he has proof that Fred has broken the truce. Howard said he told him not to read that stuff. Howard said just cancel Twitter. Eric said that's where his fans get in touch with him. Howard said that prison food isn't great. He said it would be great if he came out of jail all ripped from not eating and working out.
Eric said he wants to bring in Joey with him tomorrow so he can be his witness. Howard told him to just come alone. Howard said just bring the tweets. Eric said that he'll bring in the broken truce. Howard said he'll be on Special People's Court tomorrow. Eric asked if he can come in wearing sweat pants. Robin said he should probably wear a suit to court. Howard said that he'll see him tomorrow and get to the bottom of all of this. Howard let him go.
Howard got back to Wolfie at Beerfest. Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy who thought that Bill Cosby wasn't guilty. The guy also admitted to driving home after drinking 20 beers once. Howard said the alcoholic community is really behind Cosby. Howard asked what's up with people driving around drunk. He said that's against the law.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she had to separate Elephant Boy and High Pitch Eric at America's Got Talent. She said that she thinks that it became jealousy. She said that she thinks Fred is jealous of Eric. Howard said that you have to be at the lowest point in your life to be jealous of Eric. Mariann said that this has been going on for years and the two of them are torturing her. She said that they have to ban them if they don't listen to what Howard tells them. Howard said that's the way to go. Howard had to hang up on Mariann when she started screeching.
Howard said he's just going to let Wendy think about all of this and come to her own conclusions. Howard said she might call for an execution.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Eric is an asshole. He said he's giving him a headache so he's going to file a police report. He said he's a piece of shit.
Howard asked if these guys were big tough guys. Wolfie said some of them were pretty big. Howard played a couple more. Wolfie said at the end of the convention they announce that the cops will come in and push people out from one end to the other.
Howard played one clip of a woman talking about when she last had violent diarrhea. She was laughing about it and said it was just a few months ago. Howard said don't admit to that if you're a lady. Howard asked if he saw any vomiting. Wolfie said the bathroom smelled like vomit. Howard said they have to make more room for beer. Wolfie said you can drink more if you clear it out.
Howard asked Richard if he throws up when he goes to something like that. Richard came in and said that if he hasn't prepared himself he will. He said you have to eat a bunch before you go. He said he has gone to a few where the food line is too long and you just keep drinking.
Howard asked if Richard is going to the Wing Bowl in a few weeks. Richard said he and his wife are going to just hang out. Richard said he's never been to that one. Richard said it's people who stay up Thursday night and they're drunk Friday morning. Wolfie said the event starts at 6am on Friday morning. Richard said they do a morning radio show there to cover it. He said it's at an arena and it's a big thing. Wolfie said people eat so many wings and they just projectile vomit. Howard said he can't think of a worse sentence than to be forced to go to that.
Howard played a clip from last year's Wing Fest. He had guys yelling out ''Show your tits!'' over and over. Wolfie said he still has the smell of diarrhea stuck in his nose from last time he was at that Wing Fest. Howard said that you know that every bowl is going to be full of shit within an hour at these arenas. Howard said you'd think they could figure it out. Wolfie said it's 20,000 people drinking beer and eating wings and there's no way they can handle that.
Howard asked Richard if he'll wear a diaper there. Richard said he will but his wife won't. Howard said they should make everyone wear one.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to the janitor at the Wing Bowl last year. The guy said he's had to clean shit off the wall. He said his advice is that he'd like people to shit in the hole. Wolfie said that guy was broken. He said you could see it on his face.
Howard played more of the guys yelling ''Show your tits!'' Wolfie said they'll keep going if you don't show your tits. He said they don't give up.
Howard said he hopes Donald Trump gets all of them out of the country. They spent a few more minutes talking about that. Richard said that Wolfie should wear a Dallas Cowboys jersey to the Wing Fest. Wolfie said they'd burn him out in the parking lot if he did that. Howard said they're hard core down there.
Howard had a clip of a guy shitting in the men's room at Wing Fest. Howard played that and said he can't handle that. Richard cracked up and said those are his people. Richard said he walks in and starts laughing when he hears that. Howard said that was actually Sal recording himself shitting. That wasn't even from Wing Bowl. Howard said that's actually Wendy preparing for tomorrow's show.
Wolfie asked if Howard has ever had shit where he hit the wall. Howard said he never has. He said he doesn't understand how that happens. Howard said he has been loaded and he's never done it. Richard said he never has either. Robin said he's lying. Richard said he probably has. Howard asked how you aim your ass to hit the wall. Richard said maybe you're pulling your pants down and it just comes out.
Howard asked if Sal was bragging that he shit on the toilet and his wife freaked out. Robin said he just had her shoveling the snow and now he shit all over the bowl. Sal came in and said that he took that Milk of Magnesia and that's what caused it. He said he exploded in the toilet. Howard asked if he couldn't just sit down and let it come out. Sal said it just sprung up on him.
Howard said he has had a colonoscopy and he had to prepare for that and he didn't have that. Sal said his wife heard him shitting and she asked what the hell that was. Sal said that he cleaned it up. He said he ran in so fast that he didn't even close the door. Howard said Sal should just go bald. He said he's a dummy.
Howard asked Sal if he's jealous if Richard's life. Sal said he is kind of. He said he enjoys just going home and relaxing though.
Howard said if he was constipated from Vikodin he'd just deal with it. Howard said he's taken it and he never got constipated. Robin said that's how Tom Arnold blew up his colon.
Howard asked Sal how many Vikodin he took. Sal said it was quite a few. Sal said the physical pain was good and his mental pain was even better. Sal said he shit like a fire hydrant after that. He said don't take that stuff. Howard said how about taking the proper amount.
Howard asked Benjy if he's thinking about hair plugs. Benjy said he has thought about them for years. He said Sirius has offered them to him. Sal said he wasn't offered anything. Benjy said they keep saying that they get better. He said that he eventually will do it. Howard said he's completely bald now. Benjy said he's not. Howard said he wants to see. Benjy didn't want his picture on the web. Benjy did show it though. Howard said he does have some hair. Howard asked Sal how much his cost. Sal said it was about 3 grand. Howard said Sal is the guy who goes to the psychic and goes to the penny saver for the hair plugs. Sal said he's probably spent $5,000 on other hair things. He said he had hair plugs done one other time and that was like 2 grand. Howard said look how handsome he is. He said just look at those teeth. Richard said Tan Mom is going to go nuts when she sees him.
Howard said the other day Tan Mom was listening to Howard 101 and she heard Sal fighting with his wife on an old show. He said Tan Mom thought it was a new show and she was asking what was going on with Sal. He said they told her it was an old show and she said ''Oh I don't care anyway.'' Howard said he has tape of her.
Sal said Tan Mom has been calling her so he puts her on the line with other people. Howard got the audio of Shuli talking to Tan Mom about the old show she heard. Tan Mom said she didn't care after hearing that it was an old show.
Howard said Sal would fuck her, right? Sal said he's married. He said she has nice legs and a nice body. He said when she fell on the red carpet... Robin said he fell in love when she fell. Sal said he saw her side meat and Rosie O'Donnell almost passed out when she saw that. Howard said they didn't think that through when they had high level stars there mixed in with Tan Mom. He said Tan Mom got thrown out anyway.
Richard told Howard that Sal got picked up from the hair plug thing by Larry Caputo. That's the Long Island Medium's husband. Sal said he likes Larry. He said that he's never gotten a reading from his wife. Howard said he heard that he dresses extra Italian for Larry. Sal said that's Shuli's observation. Howard said that Larry is hard core with that. Sal said Larry got him a gift and he did get some of his old jeans that he likes. He said times are tough.
Howard asked Sal if he would save Richard or Larry if they were on a sinking boat. Sal said that's tough. He thought about it for a short time and then picked Richard. He said that they could continue to talk to Larry through Theresa if they threw him overboard.
Howard asked Sal to pick Larry or Tan Mom if he was on a desert island. Sal said he'd keep Larry. Sal said that Theresa came to him once and said she had a message for Richard from John Candy. Howard asked how this guy is married to her. Sal said that Larry works. He has a line of clothing and he's also on the show with his wife and on the road with her. Sal said Theresa told him that she was confused by John Candy coming to Richard. Sal said that John Candy knows that they're friends and Richard is a big fan. Howard said according to Theresa John Candy is watching Sal and Richard and now he has a message for Richard because he knows they're bros. Sal said John Candy wanted Richard to know that he's thankful for keeping his memory alive. Howard asked if Sal still believes in this woman even after that. Of course Sal does.
Howard asked if John Candy is looking down on Sal now and seeing the hair transplants. Howard asked if Theresa thinks there's really an ''up there''. Sal told him to read her books. Howard said he's not going to do that. Howard said he prays that there is an afterlife and he doesn't follow these two. Howard said Sal is a fucking retard for even buying into that.
Sal said Richard has said nice things and she just passed it along. He said she's like a telephone for the dead. Howard asked why Sal won't get a reading. Sal said he doesn't need any information. Sal said he is curious. Howard said he's afraid he'll hear from people about spying on his aunt and things. Sal said he only did that once and he doesn't need anyone hearing about that. Howard said Sal is hard core. Sal said not anymore.
Gary said that Sal has told stories that they never went into before. Sal said that his aunt heard this stuff and talked to him at a wedding. Howard said he thought she was dead. Sal said it's not her. He said it was his grandmother he didn't want to hear from. She's the one who isn't around. Howard said that Sal is such a pervert. Sal said he was young. He said that he had to hide in closets.
Gary said Sal used to go on video chat things and he used to get in a dark part of the house and put on a wig pretending to be a lesbian. He said he used to go on a web site and pretend that his wife was in the other room to watch other couples having sex. Sal said he did the wig thing and there was no microphone so he just typed. He said he was Josephine when he was the lesbian. Sal said he would go into the sites and they'd see him and they'd disappear. He said he had the idea to be a girl so he could talk to the women. He got a wig at a store and it worked like a charm.
Howard asked if he got conversation going. Sal said he did from time to time. He said he got a girl to take her shirt off and his wife came out. Howard said imagine you walk in and see Sal in a wig talking to someone online. Howard asked how he's still married. Sal said he told her he was doing a prank.
Howard said that Sal is on lesbian dating sites while his wife is shoveling snow. Sal said the other thing he did was tell couples that his wife was in the bathroom and he'd tell them that she was on her way and they should get started. He said they'd start but his wife never showed up.
Howard asked if Sal put on lipstick when he was doing the lesbian thing. Sal said he doesn't think so. Howard said he has told the other guys he has. Sal said maybe he did. Howard said Sal is fucking hard core. Sal said there's no reason to get into specifics. Gary said that Sal has told them all about this stuff. Sal said it has come up at meetings. Howard said Sal is like Caitlyn Jenner in a way. Sal didn't think so. Howard asked what his female voice sounds like. Sal did a little bit of that for him. Howard said he sounds just like Sal. He said it's easy to trip him up too. Sal said he wasn't gay when he was supposed to be a lesbian.
Howard said Sal's wife ripped the wig off his head and smeared his lipstick when she found him doing that lesbian thing. Howard asked if he had his dick in his hand. Sal said he wasn't at that point. Howard said that's so creepy to walk in on something like that. Sal said he wasn't jerking off. He said he may have been hard. Howard said this is the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Sal said he's making such a big deal out of it.
Gary said they keep a file on Sal and they look this stuff up. Gary said one of the DJs at K-Rock told them that Sal told her that he wanted to be her toilet paper. Howard said they had to educate him about HR so he's not as bad as he used to be. Gary said Sal got in trouble for jerking off at work when they first got there. Sal said he was pulling some porn for the show and one thing led to another. Howard asked if Sal and Richard have jerked off in the same room. Sal and Richard said they have not. Richard said Sal used to run over to McDonald's across from K-rock to jerk off.
Howard asked if Josephine has ever talked to Richard. Sal said no. Howard had Sal do that with Richard. Howard asked Sal some general knowledge questions while he was playing Josephine. Howard said he knows a perfect guy for her and he's this dumb guy named Sal. Howard asked Sal if he can bring in his wig and lipstick so they can talk to Josephine. Sal said no. Howard had Sal do more of the Josephine voice and had him trying to answer trivia. Robin asked if he still does this stuff. Josephine said no because she's married. Robin said he was married back then too.
Robin said Sal is always up to something so he has to be up to something now. Howard asked Wolfie why he doesn't go to work. Wolfie said he's actually working now. He said he's filling out a report. Howard said he's actually jerking off to Josephine.
Howard said Sal has to be up to something. He said Robin is right. Sal said it took a lot of self reflecting after what happened with his wife. He said they have a good sex life now. Howard said Sal's wife can't stand him. Richard said she threw him a nice birthday party. Howard asked if Larry and Theresa were there. Richard said they were. He said they went to a Romanian restaurant and it was great.
Howard asked what Larry and Theresa are up to with that shtick. Sal said it's not shtick. Howard asked if she can pull down half a million a year. Sal said he really doesn't know. Howard asked if she knows about Josephine. Sal said no. Howard asked if Richard believes John Candy really thanked him. Richard said if it makes Sal happy to believe it then yes. He said he doesn't really believe in that stuff himself. Howard said he thinks the country is full of morons like Sal.
Howard said that Sal believes John Candy came to Theresa and told her to pass along a message. Sal said if you have faith then you believe that stuff. Howard said Sal thinks he levitated in his bed as a kid. Sal said he did and he doesn't know how. Robin said she thinks they'll find out about stuff that Sal is up to.
Howard asked Sal how high up he was when he levitated. Sal said he was an inch from the ceiling. Sal said his mom heard the bed fall back.
Howard asked Wolfie who he thinks is the biggest moron on the show after this. Wolfie said it has to be Sal. Howard asked JD who he thinks. JD said sometimes it's him. Howard said everyone there is ill. Howard said that he's been involved in stuff but to put on a wig and lipstick and go on a lesbian site is wild. He said if his wife caught him he'd kill himself. Howard said he doesn't know how JD even gets out of bed after having that woman have her dog lick peanut butter off her pussy. JD said he doesn't have to bring that up anymore. JD said he'd love to know what Wolfie has done. Wolfie said no one would care.
Howard said last time Wolfie was up there he went up to Sal and asked if he would mind playing a Syrian refugee. He said Sal went off the wall saying he didn't think he looks like a Syrian refugee. Sal said Wolfie wanted him to go out on the street with him. He said he didn't want to go out there. He said it was when the whole refugee thing was starting. Howard played the clip of Wolfie asking Sal to do it and Sal asking him if he wanted him to get killed out there. He suggested bringing Gary out there instead. Howard said it drives Sal nuts when you say he can be confused with Arab guys. Sal said he got pulled aside at the airport when they let the Iron Sheik go through. He said he gets pulled aside every time.
Howard played more audio of Sal freaking out when Wolfie was asking him to play the refugee. Sal said it's dangerous. Howard said it's like the Three Stooges. Howard said Sal hates Wolfie's comedy bits. Howard said that drives Sal crazy. Sal said Wolfie is good at what he does and he respects him. Howard let Wolfie go after that. Sal said he's a good guy. Howard said he says that after he rags on him.
Howard said he didn't realize how Middle Eastern Sal looks. Sal said he's fine with it. Richard said maybe if he didn't tan. Sal said he does a Banana Boat tanning thing. Howard said Sal doesn't like it that he looks like that. Howard said he looked exactly like the Paris terrorist who escaped. Howard said Sal knew he looked like him. Sal said ''nope.'' Howard said he did look like the guy. Sal said he looked like the fucking guy. He said he also looks fucking Italian. Howard said no one is mistaking him for Italian.
Howard asked Sal who he's voting for. Sal said Trump. Howard asked him to make a good argument for Trump. Sal said we live in a world where we're never happy. He said that everyone is disgusted with Obama. He said the one element that Trump has is honesty. He said he has passion and drive and he's honest. He said he also has America's best interest at heart. Howard asked what branch of government the President is. Sal said that it's the presidential branch. Then he said Judicial. Howard asked Sal more questions that he couldn't answer correctly.
Howard asked what happened in Benghazi. Sal said during 9/11 these assholes were ''infitrating'' the embassy out in Benghazi... Howard said his head is smoking. Gary said in the elevator Sal accused Hillary of being a murderer. Sal started yelling and went off on Gary. Howard said Sal doesn't know anything.
Richard said Sal once took a picture of Gary out on the street and asked where people thought he was from. They were all saying he looked Middle Eastern. Gary said that he's never gotten stopped at the airport though. Sal said they pull swabs on him and test him for everything too. Howard asked if he explains that he's a regular American. Sal said he doesn't say anything so he doesn't raise any red flags.
Howard asked Sal more questions about Benghazi and where it's located. Sal didn't know all the right answers so Howard goofed on him about being stupid. Howard said his brain is working so hard his head is heating up and he needs to water his stitches.
Richard said Sal tries to look more Italian at the airport. He said he looks like Uncle Paulie dressing in sweats and stuff. Sal said he likes to be more comfortable on the plane.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Sal about his ethnic background and why he's so embarrassed to be mistaken for Middle Eastern. Howard said that he can't believe they wasted the whole show on them.
Howard said Sal had a very bad childhood. Sal said it was tough. Howard said that Sal's dad would tell black people that the bathroom was broken because he didn't want them using the bathroom. Sal said his dad put a fear of black people into him and he once got scared when he walked in on a black person. He said he actually screamed. He said his dad has become more liberal over the years.
Richard said Sal's dad has a full head of hair too. Sal said his grandfather did too. He said his whole family looks Italian other than him. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said you have to love that. He said he has some pieces of business to get to. He said tomorrow is Special People's Court. Howard said Wendy will be holding court in there with High Pitch Eric and Elephant Boy.
Howard said he has the top 5 songs to play too. Howard said number 5 is Selena Gomez. Howard said that she looks 15 years old but she's decided to be a woman and she dresses very provocatively. Howard said her titties are out and she has that baby face. He said she looks like a little kid and it's weird. Howard said he has to admit her song on Saturday Night Live was horrible. He said he had to watch this little fidget running around half naked. He said her music is just awful. He said everything is sexual and she's trying to do everything she can to be loved. Howard asked when she's going to look grown up. Robin said she's not sure it'll ever happen. Howard said it's like Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber trying to be grown up too. Howard said Justin Bieber looks more womanly than Selena Gomez does. Howard said he felt like he should turn off the TV but he had to watch her on Saturday Night Live. Howard said Selena had two outfit changes she got into on Saturday Night Live. He said it's really weird seeing her. He said she looks so little girl like. Howard said she must have that Webster disease. He said she has a chipmunk face. He said she's cute and everything but she looks 12. He said her music is horrible too.
Howard said he has to move on. He kept talking about Selena though. He said that you almost see up her negligee on the show. He said that you think you're going to see some vagine or something and you wonder if you should be looking at it. Howard said her parents need to lock her up.
Howard played number 4 which was Twenty One Pilots. He said that sounds pretty shitty too. Howard said he doesn't know that one. Howard said Justin Bieber is number 3. Howard said he has to grow up too. Howard said he's all confused and getting tattoos and all of that. Howard said one week he's saying he's going to grow up and the next he's egging houses. Howard said the Justin Bieber song is better than Selena Gomez.
Howard said Adele is at number 2. He said that's Robin's anthem. Howard said he likes Mariann from Brooklyn singing that one. He played a clip of Mariann singing it. Howard said number 2 is Justin Bieber with another song.
Howard had Sour Shoes singing that Justin Bieber song as Mad Dog Russo and Gary Dell'Abate. Howard had Sour on the phone and it was 9:58 so Sour went into his ''noine'' thing. Sour said that he heard Mike Francesa saying ''noine'' noine times yesterday. Sour was doing his Gary impression again. Howard said he heard him doing Richard's Dad the other day and it was great. Howard said people thought it was a tape of Richard's dad. Sour said that someone told Mike Francesa who he is and they called his house and told him to knock it off. Howard said they act like it's against the law to call a radio show. Howard said you can't take calls and tell someone not to call. Howard asked if they called his parents and told them not to let him call.
Howard asked Sour how many stations he calls a day. Sour said he calls about noine. Sour said he got through to Z-100 and said he wanted to hear the top noine. He said that the jock that's on at night told him that he's bordering on harassment. Sour went nuts doing all kinds of noises after Howard said he had to go. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said he has something to give away. He said he's not sure he has time. Howard said he's feeling drained after this long morning.
Howard took a call from a guy who sounded like he was Aquaman. Howard said that all of this technology is fucked up. The caller said he was using a headphone. Howard said it sounded horrible. The guy changed his phone and it cleared up.
Howard said he has $500 to give away if he wants to play the EDM game. Howard said what they did was go to an EDM concert. He said that's Electronic Dance Music. He said JD is into that stuff. He said that's weird. He said he can't picture JD dancing to it. JD said it started out with Nine Inch Nails and music like that and it led into that.
Howard said they went to this EDM concert and found the most fucked up kid they could find and asked him some questions. Howard said he has some samples. Howard played one where they asked the guy where the Eiffel Tower is. The kid said it was in London, Paris. Howard said that kid was really fucked up. Howard said he'll give the caller 5 questions and if he gets them he'll win $500 from Kabbage.com.
Howard played the first one for the guy where they asked the kid ''How do you say thank you in Spanish?'' The caller said he won't know. The guy said ''Gracias'' and got it right. Howard said Jay isn't off to a good start.
The second question was ''What state is Baltimore in?'' Jay said that he thinks the guy will know that one. Howard played the answer and the fucked up guy said ''Maryland.'' Jay got one.
The third question was ''What direction does the sun rise from?'' Jay knew it was from the East but he's not sure what the EDM kid would say. He asked Fred but then said Fred might be more fucked up than that guy. Howard asked Jay what he thinks. Jay said he will know. The fucked up kid said the sun rises in the north and sets in the west. Jay got another one wrong.
Howard said he has to get the next two right. The fourth question was ''What frightened Little Miss Muffet?'' Jay said he doesn't know that one. Howard told Jay the story. Jay said there's no way this guy will know that one. The fucked up guy said it was the big bears and the porridge. He got that wrong so Jay was right.
Howard said Jay has made a comeback. He said it all comes down to the last question. Howard played the question which was ''What is the sum of 5 and 2?'' Howard said the kid is fucked up and his science teacher didn't do a good job. Jay said that he has to say yes. Howard played the answer and the fucked up guy said ''Fucking 7...'' He got it right so Jay won the $500. Howard gave Kabbage.com a plug and put Jay on hold to get his prize.
Robin said she got Jon Hein's book this morning. She said it's called Fast Food Maniac. Howard said he had a TV show for a short time. Gary told Howard what the book is about and what's in it. Howard said he heard it has the best coffee listed in the book but Jon doesn't drink coffee. Jon came in and said that someone asked him to write it and he wrote it. Jon said it was following the TV show. He said people loved talking about it so he wrote it. Howard said that he can't imagine anyone cares. Jon said he has a glossary of secret menu items that people don't know about. Jon said it's fun to order different things at these places. Howard said he should put his ass on the cover of the book to show that he knows what he's talking about. Jon said he's happy with the cover the way it is. He said the letters are from fast food restaurants spelling out the title.
Howard asked what they find out in the book. Jon said he lists the best foods and best straws and things like that. He said that the McDonald's straws are the best because they're thicker and you can get just about anything up them. Robin said there are places that you've never heard of in the book. Robin mentioned Burgerville. Howard said Gary the Conqueror works there. Jon said that's right.
Howard asked who has the best ice. Jon said it's Sonic. He said people will go there and just order ice. He said it's a great ice because it can last all day in a cooler. Howard asked what the best bathroom to jerk off in is. Jon said Sal has shown it's McDonald's. Howard went over some other things that Jon has on his lists. Howard asked if he is ever ashamed of himself. Jon said he has his moments. He said he is proud of this book though.
Gary asked what the best uniform is. Jon said it's Sonic. He said they have the roller skates and they just do it right. Howard said he did put a lot of thought into this. Jon said he has been to almost every one and he has talked to people about the food if he didn't go there. He said he relied on experts to tell him about the coffee. He said his daughter helped with that list too. Jon and Howard talked about the best French fries being at Nathan's. Howard said Jon said he hates that McDonald's serves salad. Jon said you should get fast food if you go to McDonald's. He said he has an In Memorium for places that are gone.
JD came in and said he loves the book. Howard said of course he does. JD said that Jon goes on and on about what's great about most of the places but then he goes off on Burger King about how they ripped off other restaurants. Howard said Burger King has been around for a long time. Jon said that they came up short on their marketing. He said McDonald's had great ads and Burger King has a mascot that's really scary. Jon said he was asked to consult with them and he was all for it but then it went up the ladder and they decided not to go with him.
JD said he has tips in the book where he says don't move to the side when you order at the restaurant. Jon said when you see a line at the drive up you go inside. Jon said when you walk in you get on line and after you give your order you don't move. He said if you do then they forget about your order. Howard said if you stand your ground do people ever say move aside. Jon said he's had issues. He said he doesn't move and pretends he doesn't hear them. Jon said he's happy to move as soon as he has his order. Jon said he may move a bit.
Howard asked if it's true that Jason is annoyed by his book. Jon said he doesn't think so. Jon said he loves doing the radio show with Jason there. Jason came in so Howard said he's looking kind of sloppy with his shirt out. Howard asked why he's mad at Jon. Jason said that he did a radio show with Jon about fast food and then he went off and did his TV show without him. He said that he's on the side of the guy who did Jump The Shark with Jon. He said he'll be forgotten some day. Howard asked what bra is the best bra to wear after all of this. Jason said that they do have Man Spanx now. Howard asked how often Jason eats out at fast food. Jason said about twice a week. Howard asked who the bigger expert is. Jason said he thinks he is because he knows what stuff tastes like. He said Jon gets a burger with nothing on it but it matters what you put on it. Jason said he has a job there so he doesn't have time to write a book like Jon does. Jon said it took 3 years to write the book and it was a lot of nights and weekends.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Starbucks coffee isn't the best and he has to stop the myth. He said Dunkin Donuts is better. Howard disagreed with Ralph. Howard said he has to hang up on Ralph.
Howard said he has Jon Hein's fat ass on the phone. He took the call and the Fat Ass said he's about to explode out of the mom jeans. He said just look at his ass to see how hard he worked on that book. Howard let him go and let Jon go after that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had more about Jon's book. Robin told Howard about some of the tips Jon has about how to order. Howard said he imagines he ran out of shit to write about after about a week. Howard said Jon sounds a lot like his dad with the ordering. Howard said his dad would freak out if you ordered out of order. Howard said he can't wait to see the people who buy that book. Howard said he can't tell you how many times his mother ordered wrong. He said that he's fucked up in the head from his childhood. He said it was so unpleasant going out. Howard said his father didn't want a discussion with the waiter. He said his dad was afraid he was being judged about being classy or not. Howard said he'd take it out on him if his mother ordered wrong. Jon came back in to talk about the book some more during that discussion.
Robin read about the snow storm and how at least 5 people came to the aide of a guy in North Carolina the other day and the guy shot at them and ended up killing one of them. Robin said that when he discovered that these people called 911 he jumped out of his car and started shooting. Robin said one man was struck and fell to the ground so the guy shot him several more times and killed him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why they let Jon get away with this book thing. He said he has the most mundane taste. Howard said that Jon's point of view is that he's a slob just like anyone else. He said he's just trying to make a buck. That guy also tried to talk about coffee with Howard but Howard said he had to get out of that conversation and hung up on the guy.
Robin read a story about Peyton Manning taking a pay cut at the start of the season. Robin said that he negotiated that if he got into the super bowl then he'd get $2 million. Howard asked why he would take that cut at all if he had a contract. Robin said that she's heard of other people doing that. Howard said they should let the owner deal with it. Gary explained to Howard what was going on there. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about a British explorer who died this weekend. Robin said she thinks that we've discovered pretty much everything on this planet but apparently not. Robin said this guy tired to get across Antarctica alone. Robin said he died just 30 miles from the end of his journey. Robin said he had to call for help at that point and he didn't make it. Robin said he died of total system failure. Robin said he was 55 years old. Robin said he walked more than 900 miles and then died. Robin said he was trying to raise money for wounded warriors.
Robin said Miley Cyrus is going to be in a Woody Allen series that will air on Amazon.com. Robin said that Miley will be one of the cast members. Howard said he'll watch that. Robin said she still loves his work even though he's a questionable guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he killed it with Steven Tyler yesterday. He said it was a cool revelation about the Guns N' Roses thing. Howard said Steven is a good guy and he thanks him for coming in yesterday.
Robin read about what's going on with the Oscars and what people are saying about how there are no black nominees. Robin said that Variety is doing a ''shame on us'' article about the whole thing. Robin said that Danny DeVito is saying that the whole country is racist. Robin said she objects because she is not racist. Robin said that Michael Caine was asked about it and he said he as snubbed as well. Robin said Ian McKellen said that the gays are being snubbed as well.
Robin read a story about a rapper by the name of B.O.B. and she had some of his music for Howard to play. Robin said that he wants people to know that the world is flat. Howard said there is a movement of people who think the world is flat. Robin said that Neil deGrasse Tyson says that he doesn't know what he's talking about. Robin said that B.O.B. has put out some videos to show that it's a conspiracy.
Robin read a story about Tracy Morgan going out on tour and how he's going to turn the tragedy of his accident into comedy. Robin said he's saying it's time to laugh so he's going to hit the road for a 3 month tour starting in February.
Howard said Ralph is trying to get him to do an art show. Howard said he was showing him some of his work and he thinks he is ready to do a show. Howard said Ralph likes his art. He said he told him no because it's private right now. Howard said he's not showing it to anyone.
Robin read a story about Donald Fagen from Steely Dan and what's going on with his court case. They spent a short time talking about the band.
Howard took a call from a guy who said life is really unfair. He said they lost Bowie and Glenn Frey. The guy's phone cut out but then he said that we still have Jeff the Drunk so how is that possible. Howard said that's a good question. He hung up on the guy because his connection wasn't so good.
Robin read about how Matthew Perry claims he doesn't remember 3 years on Friends because of his substance abuse. Robin said he has been suffering from it for about 30 years. Howard said he's not a drug addict but he doesn't remember anything either. Howard said maybe you don't have to be a drug addict. Howard said he can't remember what they did at 7 this morning.
Robin said Donald Trump is saying that he may not show up for the next debate if Megyn Kelly is there. Howard said it's not like him to be against a hot chick like that. Robin had audio of Trump talking about how he doesn't find her to be a good reporter and he doesn't want to be there if she's there. Howard said he wouldn't debate with her there because he'd be hard and masturbating behind the podium.
Howard said Megyn was in there and she has gotten even hotter since then. Howard said Dana Perino is hot too. JD said they have a new one over there named Kristin Fisher. Howard said he's seen her too. Howard said she's hot.
Robin read about the Democratic Town Hall that happened last night. Robin had some details and some clips for Howard to play. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to the Democratic Town Hall thing and had Howard play more clips. That led to Howard talking about how he was in his car yesterday and he saw that over at Rockefeller Center they have no snow. He said they hire trucks to come in and remove it. Howard said he wants whoever that is to be president. Howard said someone said they must have had Sal's wife come in to shovel over there.
Robin read about the Super Bowl betting lines that are coming out. She mentioned that the Cardinals were in it but Gary told her she's wrong so that must be wrong. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon asked Rahsaan what they have in the poll today. Rahsaan said they are asking which one of the staffers is the most mentally ill. The choices are Sal, Jon, Richard or JD.
Jon said he wants to start off talking about Sal and all of the things going on with him. He said Sal is the best and he loves him. He said he talked to Sal in the car for 2 hours yesterday and he didn't mind the traffic at all. He said there are so many things to talk about with him. He said that Sal revealed that he wore a wig and went into lesbian chat rooms as Josephine. Jon said Sal has no right to make fun of him looking like a lesbian. Jon said Sal is making fun of people for something he actually did. Jon said that Sal is a never ending spout of bullshit and he means that in a loving way. He said the John Candy line really surprised him today. He said Sal talked about his aunt confronting him about watching her taking a shit too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal is the most disturbed for many reasons. Jon said he's not sure Sal is a slam dunk. He said that Ronnie has had his issues too. He said JD too. The caller said Ronnie has some issues too but out of the four on the poll it has to be Sal. He said JD is a little gross and shy. He said Richard grew up in the woods in Kansas. He said Jon likes to eat a lot. He said Sal believes in Theresa Caputo. Jon said a lot of people believe in her. The caller said that doesn't mean they're not wacky too. The caller said he just thinks Sal is the most out there based on what he's heard. He said it goes on and on. Jon said he does have a lot of stories. He said there is an endless list. The caller said he loves Sal but there is something wrong with him. Jon asked if he thinks he doesn't look Italian and looks Syrian. The caller said he can see that. Rahsaan said he can't see that. He said he sees Sal a lot and he just doesn't see that.
Jon asked if Gary looks more Middle Eastern than Sal. Rahsaan said he would say so. Jon said he doesn't think so. He said he thinks Sal is the slam dunk winner like Wolfie said. They went to break after that.
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Jon said that Gary said he met Richard for the first time at a Beerfest in Florida. Gary said he did. He said that was the last one he did too. He said he did one up in New York and he got into a fight. He said he was signing pictures and this guy put his beer down and knocked it over on him. He said the guy claimed it was an accident. He said the guy got on line again and the guy ended up pushing it on him a second time so he went after him. He said he followed him out of the place. He said then he did another one. He said the one in Orlando was so loud. He said everyone who came to talk to you was spitting all over him and that's where he met Richard. He said Richard was very huggy. He said he didn't spit on him but he was huggy. Gary said he thinks he was just meeting people and introducing bands at that one.
Gary said the thing about the Beerfest is that you can try all of these different beers. He said people really just go to get fucked up. He said after the 7th one you can't even tell the difference.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the thing that Richard is going to is called Wing Bowl. He said it's not Wing Fest. He told Gary a little bit about it and how things work there. He said they also didn't talk about how there are strippers there so they're the ones showing their boobs. He said it's not like what they described today. The caller told the guys a little more about what goes on there and Jon thanked him for clarifying that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they already talked about Sal but thank god for his wife. Jon said he's not sure that his wife is saying Sal has to do what he has to do. The caller said she might be the one saying that. Gary said when you get married it's not usually a 10 year courtship. He said you should know everything when you get married. He said he's pretty sure Sal's wife didn't expect to wake up and see Sal in a wig on the computer in a lesbian chat room. Jon said Sal could sell that it was a prank though. Rahsaan asked what their wives would do. Jon said his would get in a car and disappear and he'd never see her again. The guys spent a little more time talking about what Sal did and why they think he did it.
Gary said a couple of weeks ago he was looking at porn for the show and his wife walked into his office asking what he was looking at. Gary said he lied but he's not sure why. He said he told her ''nothing'' when she asked but she could see the reflection in the window so he was busted. They went to break after that.
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Jon asked Gary who looks more like a Middle Eastern guy, him or Sal. Gary said he never gets stopped at the airport so he'd go with Sal. Gary said Sal looks suspicious and Middle Eastern so that might be why he gets stopped.
Jon asked Rahsaan about what he thinks about Sal and Gary. Rahsaan said he hasn't changed what he said earlier. He said he thinks Gary looks more Middle Eastern to him.
Jon asked Gary about the John Candy story that Sal told today. Gary said ''Oh please.'' He said that of course that couldn't have been figured out from listening to the show so it must be true. Gary said that Sal stopped short of saying that the medium is speaking for god. Gary said that he was raised catholic and they beat you into believing that the boogie man is going to come and get you if you fuck up. He said he knows religious people are going to get angry with that but he thinks Sal is just scared. He said he might just be hedging his bet. Gary said his father in law is super religious and he super believes it. He said Sal has never even cracked a bible in his life.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if they have an old picture of Sal showing the skin tone and if it's changed over the years. Gary said he has to talk to Jason about it. He said they have one of Sal from when he was in Italy. He said he weighed like 11 pounds and he was wearing a banana hammock and he was really dark. Jon said any wedding picture is going to show changes. He said Ronnie has changed a lot but he's holding up well. Jon said we've all changed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks without a doubt that it's Richard who is the most mentally ill. He said Richard shits his pants when he doesn't want to miss a song. He said that Sal does have some weird fetishes and stuff though.
Gary asked Rahsaan for the wording of the poll. It was about who the most mentally ill is. Gary said Richard knows what he's doing so he's not mentally ill. He said Richard knows what he's doing and chooses to do it. Jon said that there is some logic to wearing a diaper to a concert. He said you don't want to miss any of the show.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she got sucked into the Long Island Medium thing and she's seen it in person and it's real. She said she thinks she's real. She also said she thinks that Sal's relationship with Larry keeps him on the normal side. She said that Larry seems normal and it might be a good influence on Sal. Jon said when Sal got the hair plugs it wasn't his wife who pulled up, it was Larry. Jon said that speaks about how close they are. the caller said Larry had a brain tumor and a stroke so that's why he has time to do all of that. Gary asked what channel that's on. The caller said that it's on TLC. Gary said he can see a show called Larry and Sal where they follow them around. Jon said he can see the four of them going around and doing stuff. He said he thinks it would be fascinating.
Jon said he's skeptical about the John Candy thing. Gary said he should be in heaven doing the shit he wants and not talking about Richard.
Jon said he took some shit about his fast food knowledge. Gary said Jon doesn't fight back. He just lets them hurl some shit at him. Gary said he just lets them do it until it's over. Jon said he tends not to engage because he sees where it gets you. He said he appreciated JD coming in and talking about what he did. He said Jason even came in and was pretty nice. He said that he and Jason are cool about the book coming out. Jon spent a little bit of time talking about the book and what Howard and Robin had to say about it.
Gary asked Jon if he would say that the book is a little bit passive aggressive toward Burger King. Jon said it might be. He said he didn't want to come out and trash them for the sake of trashing them. Jon said that he did talk about some of the positive things about them. He said they made his best toys list. He said that he did talk some positive things.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the poll results. Rahsaan said 69 percent voted for Sal. Gary said that says everything about Sal. Rahsaan said Richard and JD both got 12 percent and Jon had 7 percent. Jon said he's happy to lose that poll. Jon got in some plugs and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:50am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was thinking about Abe Vigoda finally dying. Howard said he was so good on Barney Miller. He said he played an old cop but he was only 54 back then. Howard said there are a lot of guys at the Friar's club freaking out because he used to be the butt of the joke when someone else would die. Howard said he watched 7 hours of the Godfather epic and Abe was in it. Howard said he played Tessio. Howard said that he's sure Abe was tired of people thinking he was dead. He said now he's actually dead.
Howard said they have Special People's Court coming up today. He said it's a very big day. He said Judge Wendy is going to be holding court. Howard said he was there for 2 hours working on the concept for the whole thing. He said he has the case worked out. He said that will be in session later on this morning. Howard played a clip of Wendy calling court in session and shitting her pants. Howard said Wendy will be judging High Pitch Eric and Elephant Boy's feud. Howard said she'll be wearing a double diaper today.
Howard said Wendy is the only judge who eats out of a dumpster. Robin said she will survive no matter what. Howard said they have phony phone calls and he'll be talking to Dave Letterman today. He said that his beard is bigger than Benjy's and it's not dyed.
Howard said Flat Ronnie was on a show last night that is big with car enthusiasts. Howard said they have a screen shot on HowardStern.com. Howard said Maury Povich will have one too. Howard asked what the name of the show was. JD said it was Barrett Jackson Auction. Howard said that helped. He asked JD to repeat it. Robin said that he said it in English this time. Not in mumble. They played a song parody about JD from Daniel Mendelson after that.
Ronnie came in and said that the auction runs all week from Arizona. Ronnie said people come out of nowhere with the Flat Ronnie. He said there are celebrities coming out and showing the thing on TV. He said Steven Tyler came to him saying he needed a Flat Ronnie and he took one to take on tour. Howard said Flat Ronnie is like 5'8'' tall. Ronnie said he carried one out of the building and people saw him carrying it. Howard and Fred goofed on Ronnie about the way he said ''sawr'' him.
Ronnie said it was Chris Jacobs who put the Flat Ronnie on the auction show. He said he gave him one when he was up there a few weeks ago. Ronnie said it's all over Twitter this morning too. Ronnie said they have this hot chick named Cristy Lee and she's on a show called All Girl's Garage. He said it's three girls who are mechanics. Howard figured it was some kind of sexual reference. Ronnie said maybe Chris can hook them up with the Flat Ronnie too. Robin said Ronnie doesn't have to do appearances now. He just has to send out Flat Ronnie.
Ronnie said that Rick's is going to have one in the lobby. Howard said that the 700 club just asked for one. Howard said that would be great if they could make that happen.
Howard asked Ronnie if he was an Abe Vigoda fan. Ronnie said he was because of Barney Miller. Howard said he thinks Flat Ronnie is more fun than real Ronnie. Robin said she likes Flat Ronnie but not so much real Ronnie.
Howard said that Ronnie Mund is the best name. He said you know it was anglicized. He said it must have been Mundelbaum or something. Robin asked if he could have come from some great line that was great and they ended up making Ronnie. Fred and Howard did their Ronnie impressions and goofed around with that idea for a short time. Howard said Mund in German means protection. He said Ronnie is a protector of people.
Howard said he was thinking about Sal and going into those lesbian dating rooms dressed in a wig and lipstick. He said he was blown away by that. Robin said he came up with that whole get up just to get some action. Robin said this is what Sal spends his time figuring out.
Howard said listen to this. Jeff said he didn't call Gary. Gary said he's been calling Shuli actually. Gary said Shuli told him that he was on the verge of a breakdown.
Howard took a call from The Lump and The Lump said that Jeff is getting worse and worse. Howard said you have to be patient. He said everyone wants to get on the air. Robin said that he acts like Eric the Actor. Howard said he's going to call him Jeff the Crybaby.
Howard played a clip of Jeff crying on Periscope. Howard said they're the only ones paying attention to him at this point. Howard said he has to stop crying over it. In the clip Jeff was crying about not being able to get on and how tough it is being a Wack Packer.
Howard said now Jeff is wasted and he is naked. He said he jerked off on his Periscope account with his cock out. Howard said that's disgusting. Howard asked Jeff what's going on there. Jeff said he doesn't know. Howard said he's going to show Robin something that will freak her out. Howard said Jeff is nude from the waist down and you see his cock. Howard asked if he's hard there. Jeff said he believes so. Robin said it looks like a Picasso. Howard said he heard he was on Periscope and he was private messaged and he beat off. Jeff said he didn't know he was on Periscope. Howard said he was beating off on Periscope.
Howard said Jeff beats off with the arm that doesn't work. Shuli came in and said it's amazing. He said Jeff uses his mouth for everything else but this. He said he's not sure how he pulls this off. He said he has heard from people from his private group who are dudes fucking with him and getting him to jerk off. Shuli said people can send you a private chat and they record it. Howard said he'd turn his camera off if he was beating off. Shuli said you can't get the texts if you turn the camera off.
Jeff was getting quiet. Shuli said that this is Jeff taking his ball and going home. Jeff said he's done playing with them. He said he's never going to call again. Jeff said all they do is treat him like shit and embarrass him. Shuli said he has a picture of 57 boxes that fans sent to him as gifts. He said this is how they treat him. Jeff said they're all assholes.
Shuli said he called him a week and a half ago and he hears Jeff saying that if this is a bit then he's never speaking to him again. He said he was talking about Howard not picking up on him. Howard said Jeff has nothing else going on. Shuli said he was pissed that he didn't pick up on him last week so he could promote some appearances.
Howard said now Jeff is wasted in this next clip. Shuli said Jeff smoked some wax and got way high. Howard asked if that's what he smoked. Jeff said it was wax. Howard played the clip and Jeff was mumbling and saying he's fucked up and he's such an idiot. He starts crying. Howard said he's having a meltdown. Jeff said it's never going to be okay. He said they don't care about him at all. Jeff said he's a bad person. Howard said he must have done something. He was going on and on about how he's a bad person. Jeff called himself a fucking asshole.
Howard said he got so wasted he was confessing to something he did in the past. Howard asked if he ever killed someone and got away with it. Jeff said no. Howard said it was like a moment of clarity for him. Howard said it starts to get really sad. Howard played more of the clip and Jeff was calling himself an asshole and saying he's not a good person again.
Howard asked if Jeff is ever going to do wax again. Jeff said no and he's never going to do the Howard Stern Show again. Howard said that's not true. Jeff hung up. Shuli said he quits the show but then comes back by the end of the day. Howard said this guy gets high all day and night and he did wax and it reduced him to tears. Shuli said Jeff is always getting free stuff from the fans and he complains about it. Howard said he likes the guy but he has to calm down. Howard asked The Lump to talk to him. The Lump said that he just added a noose to his Wishlist. Howard let The Lump go after that.
Howard said that he has more tapes. He said only in America can someone sit in their trailer and have other people pay for it. Robin said now they know why Jeff doesn't have that arm cut off. She said that he must have it in a permanent position and he moves his hips to jerk off. Howard said that's an interesting theory. Howard said he must fuck his hand somehow. Robin said maybe the hand is frozen into the perfect size. Howard said he can't tell you how he jerks off. He tries not to think about it. Howard said he doesn't pay attention to it. He said he doesn't want to know. He said he doesn't even look down there. He said it's disgusting and there's a big mess when he's done. Howard said he has a whole system going on to get rid of the mess.
Howard said he doesn't usually make doody in the morning but today he had to. He said he felt a piece of doody stuck in there but it fell out. Howard said he figured it was going to be an easy clean up but it turned out to be a mess. Howard asked what the cave man did when they had to clean up. Howard said he has a healthy diet but he's not sure why it's such a mess down there. Robin said the caveman didn't eat that much. Robin said when he did go he didn't have a toilet. He had to squat.
Howard said he has a fantasy about hanging out with Richard's dad and learning how to survive. Robin said he wouldn't last. Shuli said he spent all thanksgiving with his family. He said everything they ate was stuff they killed. He said they had frog legs, deer chop, flathead catfish and quail. He said he had to spit out buckshot from the quail.
Howard said he has to get Jeff back on the phone to find out how he jerks off with that hand. Robin said he has to use the free hand to catch the mess.
Howard said he has audio of Jeff trying to call the show and going into his coughing attack. Howard played that clip and Jeff goes into a long cough that won't stop. Howard said he isn't going to be around much longer. He was hitting redial and the phone was busy every time.
Howard said Jeff gets upset that they don't pick up on him. He said with that cough he wouldn't be calling them. Howard said he isn't going to last much longer with that cough. Gary told Howard that Jeff is on.
Howard picked up on Jeff again and told him to calm down with the quitting the show thing. He said stop threatening them. Jeff told him to be nice to him. Howard said he's always nice. Jeff said he's never nice. Howard asked him about jerking off and Jeff hung right up. Gary said he was pissed from the second he called him back.
Howard said Jeff is dialing and dialing to get through. Howard said they put Jeff on and transferred him to The Lump and he gets pissed about that. Howard played that clip and Jeff calls to get through to Howard. The Lump picks up and says he's transferring him to Howard. They kept telling Jeff that it was Cousin Brucie radio but it was The Lump and Jeff knew it. The Lump picked up again and Jeff said he wants to talk to Howard. The Lump was calling Jeff a fat piece of shit but didn't put him through to Howard. Jeff stayed on the line with The Lump trying to get through. The Lump kept dicking him around.
Howard had Jeff back on the phone. Howard said he's being serious now. Jeff said he doesn't jerk off with his dead arm. Howard said with the screen shot he has it looks like he does. Jeff said that his dead arm isn't used for that. He said he uses his good arm to jerk off. Howard said Robin's theory is wrong then. Jeff said it's wrong. He said he doesn't fuck his hand. Jeff was yelling ''No!'' when they'd ask him questions. Jeff said that he jerks off into a paper towel or whatever. Howard asked how he gets it there. Jeff said he makes a thing that goes over his dick. Howard said he jerks off into a towel that's over his dick. Jeff said he has an air pocket. Howard asked if he's ever cum on his sling. Jeff laughed and said no. Shuli said that laugh says yes.
Howard said Jeff has to stop freaking out when he can't get through. He said he has to get over it. Jeff said with the contribution he does for the show he should put him through. Howard said he spends 3-4 hours preparing for the show and he doesn't think about putting Jeff on. He said he doesn't plan around Jeff every day. Howard said Jeff gets on the show a ton. Jeff said he wanted to do some plugs. Howard said it's not that interesting. Shuli said it's never enough for him. Howard said that's part of his illness. Howard said The Lump makes him interesting and Jeff doesn't even get that.
Gary came in and said that Jeff's dick is in his bad hand. Howard said he thinks that's his thigh. Howard said maybe the hand is just near the dick. Jeff was yelling that it wasn't his hand. He was pounding on something. Jeff said that it's not and he told him that. He said that he never jerks off with his dead hand. Howard said they need an expert to look at it. Jeff said he never uses his dead hand. Howard said it does look like it in the picture. Howard said the buttons on his shirt look like they're popping off because he's so fat. Jeff told him to post the picture on HowardStern.com, he doesn't care. Howard asked why he's upset about using his dead hand to jerk off. Howard said Cosby doesn't protest that much. He said in a sense they're impressed. Shuli said they're finally interested in him.
Jeff said they're talking about him jerking off. Shuli told him to stop doing it on camera with strangers. Howard said it's so disturbing. Howard said that picture is wild. Shuli asked how you get past that Velociraptor hand of his. Gary said the funny thing is that he was jerking off to a guy. Jeff said he knows that. He said that he didn't do it on purpose. Howard said he can't goof on him because he thinks he may have done that too. Howard said Jeff was accidentally gay and they have a picture of it. Howard said he's Jeff the Gay Drunk. Jeff laughed and said ''fuck you.'' He called Howard a dick too. Howard said Jeff is the one with the dick.
Howard picked up on The Lump again. The Lump said that he's committing Necrophilia when he fucks that dead hand. Jeff said he doesn't fuck that hand. The Lump said he was jerking off to a guy named Josephine and she has hair plugs.
Howard asked Jeff what he wants to plug. Jeff said he has nothing. He's not making any appearances. Shuli said that he called yesterday and told him that he was contacted by a fan in Denmark and thought he should do a story about it.
Howard said that Jeff got so whacked out on this Wax stuff. Howard asked what it is. Shuli said it's like a stronger form of THC that's in a wax form.
Jeff said the other thing with that was that he was in a hotel and he fell over and had to call for help to get him up. He said a bunch of guys came in to help him up. He said the lady at the front desk said they didn't have any guys there so she had to call the fire department to help.
Howard said Jeff keeps making mugs that no one cares about. Howard said this picture of him with his cock out is one that he should put on a mug. Shuli said he'd buy one today if he had it. Howard said it's like you're blowing Jeff when you drink out of it. Howard said Jeff turned off the camera when he had to get help getting up. Howard said imagine he's nude and these poor guys have to help him up. Howard said he's naked and his cock is out. Howard asked how long he was on the floor before they showed up. Jeff said it was a good 10 minutes. Howard said he's sure it was longer than that. Howard asked how he got to the phone. Jeff said he crawled over on his back.
Howard said any normal person would be so ashamed that they'd just die on their back. Howard said the fire department said here were kids on the other side of town dying but they saved Jeff instead. Robin said that the hotel person had to see what he was doing in there. Jeff said that the woman gave them a key.
Shuli asked if he smoked in his hotel room. Jeff said he did. Shuli said the person who booked the room gets fined for that. Jeff said he sprayed Febreze in the room so he took care of it. Robin asked what they did with Jeff when the picked him up. Jeff said they put him on the bed and he said he was good. Howard said he'd be so ashamed if he did something like that.
Shuli was doing his impression of Jeff crying about not being the best. Howard said he has to play that again. Howard played the clip where Jeff was really fucked up and telling his Periscope viewers that he's not a good person. Howard was cracking up listening to it. Howard said this might be worse than jerking off to a guy. Howard asked Jeff what's worse, beating off to a dude or that clip. Jeff said Howard playing the clip is bad.
Sal came in and said that he has some of the texts that Jeff sent the guy as he was stroking his dick to the guy. He said that his first line is ''I want to fuck your ass.'' He said Jeff also said he wanted to cum down his throat. Howard asked if Jeff likes fucking the ass. Jeff said no. Sal read more of what Jeff was writing in the scope session. Howard said he can't help but think that he's angry toward women. Howard said it's like he's mad at them. Jeff said he's mad at Howard. Jeff said something about shoving the woman's head down his dick. Howard asked if that's really the best way to turn a woman on. Jeff said he blames them. Howard asked what they did. Sal said they're not the ones texting this stuff.
Howard asked Jeff what he wants to plug. The Lump said that people want to buy mugs from a gay guy. Robin said if you write something like that and the person stays on the line then you know it's a guy.
Howard asked Jeff what he has planned for today. Shuli said ''falling over and not being able to get up.'' Howard asked Jeff what he's really doing today. Jeff said he's going to kill himself. Sal told him not to do that because they have to make fun of him for being a queer. Howard kicked Sal out of there after that. Howard said he went too far.
Howard asked Jeff if he can give him advice. Jeff said he's listening. Howard told him not to smoke wax. Howard said if he's naked and the fire department has to come it's not good. He said he's trying to be caring. Howard said when he doesn't pick up the phone it doesn't mean he doesn't like him. Howard said he does like him. He said he thinks he's a good person. Robin said Jeff said he isn't a good person though. Howard told Jeff he can't pick up every day. He told Jeff to go have fun now. Jeff asked if he can plug his web site. Howard told him to go ahead. Jeff said it's JeffTheDrunkCurro.com. He also said that Jillian is going to be coming up soon. Howard didn't know who that was. Jeff said she's coming up to help renovate his trailer. Shuli said no one knows who she is so just say he's renovating his trailer. Jeff said they're looking for donations to help with that. Howard thanked him and let him go. Howard said if he doesn't like the way he's treated and doesn't like the show then don't call in anymore. Howard said that he spent an hour with him and even that's not enough for him.
The caller said that he thinks Fred has every right to be jealous if Eric because he's been so loyal to the show himself. Howard said he's thinking too much. Howard said they have a big show coming up. Robin asked how it can be bigger than what just happened. Howard said he has big things planned.
Howard said he was out to dinner with some people from Sirius last night. He said it was 8 o'clock and he said he had to go home to prepare for Special People's Court.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's so great when they don't have guests and they have all of this stuff going on. He said that he has all of this other stuff going on. Howard said they're very happy either way. He said it's freeing to be so talented. The caller said it's great that he doesn't have to prepare for a guest. Howard said sometimes he needs 3 days in a row without a guest. He said sometimes he wants to talk to someone so they do what he wants to do. Howard said he could never be happy doing a show where it was scripted. Howard said sometimes he'll say he wants to have a guest and some days he just wants to talk to Robin. Howard said they have a lot of prep in their shenanigans.
Howard said they put in so much time figuring out how to do this Special People's Court today. He said that Brent brought up in the meeting that they can't bring up Eric threatening other people. Howard said that would prejudice the case. Howard said that Judge Wendy has to decide on all of that. Howard said she could do that or just shit in her diaper. Howard said this is what he was working out yesterday. Howard said there are some things they just don't know.
The caller said he was in a financial meeting yesterday and he had the ''noine'' thing stuck in his head. Howard thanked him for the call and went to break.
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Howard said they're going to speak to David Letterman who has gone off the grid. Howard had Evil Dave clips on the line. Howard went through the script and the guys played the pre-recoded clips of Evil Dave. They had Evil Dave telling jokes about the Oscars and the movies that were nominated. Dave said he's going to be in The Revenant 2 and he'll be fucking the bear.
Howard asked Dave if he will ever sing a song like Billy Crystal. Dave sang a song about the homos and queers. Howard said that Dave has said racist and homosexual things so he should let him go. Dave said goodbye and played himself out with a song. Howard said it's so hard to put this stuff together. He said he knows it's not the funniest.
Howard said that they call Dave at work at whatever job he has. Howard said Evil Dave's real name is Dave and they call him and record all of his lines because he fucks them up so bad. Howard had some outtakes. Howard said that poor Will has to work with him. Howard played a clip of Will telling Dave how to say the name Rihanna. Dave was reciting his lines but someone in the room was making a lot of noise behind him. Will had to ask the guy to be quiet. Will was telling Dave what to say and Dave would get the lines wrong so he'd have to repeat them. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said before they get into all of this he has to say that Brent isn't a lawyer and Wendy isn't a real judge. Howard said that Wendy must know what she's doing. Wendy said she knows she's like Judge Judy. Howard said Brent filed all of Bubba's legal briefs. Brent said that he did and Bubba won the cases. He said he helped with the cases quite a bit. Howard said he knows enough for this Special People's Court.
Howard asked Wendy how she's doing. Wendy said she just lost her dog Howard Stern. She said she saw him laying on his side and she found it dead. Howard said she's lost a lot of cats too. Wendy said someone saw someone taking her cats. Howard said when you let them outside they can be hit by cars or taken. Wendy said she had maybe 9 cats and two of them went missing. Howard said they ran away and never came back.
Howard said Wendy is going to be the judge today. Howard said High Pitch Eric and Elephant Boy have a beef. Howard said Wendy is going to decide who is right and who is wrong. Howard asked if she understands that. Wendy said she does. Howard said Elephant Boy reported High Pitch Eric for texting him threats. Howard said they have to figure out if they're punishable in their court.
Howard said they're going to go into pre-trial motions now. Howard asked if Wendy is fit to be a judge. Howard asked if she is officially retarded. Wendy said she is half retarded and half human. Howard laughed. Wendy said her mom is human and her dad is retarded. Howard said he was thinking about Wendy this morning when he was making doody. Howard said you make one and then you think it's out but there's still doody in your butt. Howard asked Wendy if she has that. She said yes. Howard said it should all just come out. Wendy said she had that problem this morning. Wendy talked about that a little bit and then asked how he cleans up the cat shits in his apartment. Howard said this is about her, not about him. Howard asked her more about shitting and wearing diapers. Howard asked if she changes her own diapers. Wendy said she does. She said she taught herself how to put them on. She said she practiced on her baby doll. Robin asked if they're disposable or cloth. Wendy said she wears plastic panties from Walmart.
Howard said he wants to report that she's eaten 3 sausage McMuffins so far today. Howard asked if she's shit them out yet. Wendy said not yet. Howard asked if she shits her diaper will she sit in it or have to change it. Wendy said she will have to change it. Howard told her to let them know if she has to take a break.
Howard asked Wendy if she has any bias toward High Pitch Eric or Elephant Boy. Wendy said she's confused about both. She said that all of her fans want her to be on High Pitch Eric's side and others want her to be on Elephant Boy's side. She said she hopes that High Pitch Eric will not be mad at her if she doesn't choose him. Howard asked if she is afraid for her life if she doesn't rule in Eric's favor. Wendy said that she is afraid. Howard asked if she wants to recuse herself. Wendy said ''I don't know.'' Howard said that's the right answer.
Howard said they have to figure out if Eric is fit to stand trial too. Wendy said she hopes that Eric won't be mad at her. Howard said that she's sort of stuck on that point. Howard said that she understands the case. Howard said Eric threatened Fred and they have to figure out if it's real. Brent said if you can't carry out the threat then it's not a real threat. Brent said there's a case from 2011 where this guy threatened President Obama and he went to court and they ruled that it was free speech. Howard said he threatened the president's life and the court ruled it was free speech. Brent said that the guy even threatened him with a 50 caliber gun and he owned one.
Howard said they have to establish if Eric is capable of carrying out a threat. Howard asked Wendy if she thinks he is. Wendy said maybe but she doesn't know. Brent asked if the case can proceed to trial. Wendy said yes.
Howard had the two maniacs or defendants come in. Howard said that Fred the Elephant Boy is going to make his case first. They played him in with the People's Court music. High Pitch Eric came in as well. They played him in with an intro like the People's Court.
Howard said he sees High Pitch Eric but not Elephant Boy. Elephant Boy came in a second later. Howard asked Elephant Boy if he wanted to make an opening statement or waive his right. Elephant Boy said he would. Howard said he sounds out of breath. Elephant Boy said he's fine. Elephant Boy said he might want a side bar with the judge. Howard said he doesn't have all day. Elephant Boy said he has tape of High Pitch Eric French kissing Wendy and he feels that she should excuse herself. Wendy said ''Excuse me...'' Howard said that she did make out with Eric in Las Vegas. Howard asked if that will affect how she rules. Wendy said no. Howard said that's all they've got.
Elephant Boy wasn't staying on microphone and Wendy was coughing so it was a mess in there. Howard asked Wendy if she got turned on by kissing Eric. She said she did. Wendy said she thought about making love to him. Howard asked if she wanted him inside of her. Wendy said yes. Eric said he didn't even know that. He said that it was kind of pleasant for him too. Howard said Eric would rather be with Donnie Wahlberg. Eric said he would rather be with Donnie.
Wendy had a coughing fit and was blowing her nose. She sniffed some Mountain Dew up her nose somehow. She was laughing and said she doesn't know what's going on. Howard asked if some doody just came out. Wendy said yes but she's okay. Howard said she's on her 7th sausage McMuffin. Howard asked if they can take the food away during the case. Wendy said yes.
Fred the Elephant Boy got back to his opening statement. He said that High Pitch threatened him on the Joey Boots podcast. He said that he said that he's not sure if he wants to present evidence because of that. He said that any evidence he states won't be used against him if he takes him to criminal court.
Howard asked High Pitch Eric what he has to say. Eric said he knows he threatened Fred and he never means it. He said he didn't mean to do it. Fred said he most certainly did mean to do it. Howard asked Fred why he keeps provoking him. Fred said something unintelligible.
Howard said he made a truce between Eric and Fred. He said that he got a truce going and he didn't have to call Wendy. Howard said Elephant Boy agreed not to provoke Eric and then he was retweeting negative things about Eric on his Twitter account. Fred said he was just showing what his fans think. Howard asked why he's so angry with Eric. Fred said if someone threatens his life he gets a little angry. Howard said he keeps provoking him. He said he's trying to get him to back off.
Howard asked if Eric threatened him again. Fred said he became quiet after he was arrested. Fred was mumbling something and Wendy said she can't understand him.
Howard said he's not sure what part of Eric doesn't understand that he can't threaten to kill people. Howard asked Eric if he's feeble or retarded. Eric said he's retarded. He said Fred called him a retard.
Howard asked Wendy if someone with an IQ of 64 is capable of carrying out murder. Wendy said ''sort of'' and she said she could do that. Howard asked if she is below and IQ of 64. Wendy said she's probably a 50 or so.
Howard asked Fred if he thinks that Eric could hurt him. Fred said no but he's still threatening his life. He mentioned something about yelling fire in a movie theater. Howard said that Wendy's IQ is actually 61. Howard said it's not 50.
Howard asked Elephant Boy if it's true that if he yelled fire in a movie theater that no one would understand him. Elephant Boy mumbled something.
Howard said that Eric read Fred's tweet and threatened him. Howard said he can't threaten anyone. Eric said that he kept provoking him though. Howard asked if he has any evidence of him provoking him. Eric said he has to find something.
Eric found something that Fred wrote. He said that Fred wrote something about asking him about his mother and he never answers. Fred said he never said anything about his mother. Eric said he has it on paper. Fred said he asked him about it and he never answered. Howard said this makes no sense to him. Howard asked when they became enemies. Fred said when his mother passed away Eric was having trouble getting inheritance from his sister and he said he was for Eric getting something. Howard said he stuck up for Eric. Eric said he didn't like when he had to mention it on Twitter. Howard said he was sticking up for him though. Eric said he didn't have to mention it on Twitter. He said that he would want him to say it in private. Fred said he doesn't speak to him in private.
Howard said Fred was on Eric's side. Eric said that he could have come to him in private. He said all his fans were reading it. Howard asked how many he could have.
Wendy interrupted and said that Elephant Boy probably has maybe 10 fans reading it. Howard said she's right, good point. Howard said she's on it. Howard said that they're both so gross it's a sad day.
Eric said that when he and Fred were at Jimmy Kimmel they were getting along great. He said then they came up for the Sour Shoes special and shook his hand. Then Fred turned his back on him. Eric said he had no problem with him. He said he was tweeting stuff about him that he never liked. Howard asked Fred to stop tweeting about Eric. Fred said if it's funny he's going to do it.
Eric said he just wants to get this over with and shake hands and make up. Howard asked if Eric has to go to real court now. Eric said he does. Eric said he ''doesn't want no more problems...'' Howard said that he has to go to court so what is going to happen with that.
Robin said that Eric has threatened other people and he could threaten Fred again. Howard asked Fred if he's willing to make a truce today. Fred said it would be hard to say that he won't tweet out something about him if it's funny. Howard said that he's not going to stop them. Fred said he doesn't want to be censored. Robin asked Wendy something but she was eating again. Robin asked if Fred is within his rights to keep tweeting what he wants about High Pitch Eric. Wendy said no.
Howard asked Wendy if Fred is pushing all of Eric's buttons or is in the right. Wendy said that Fred should quit posting about Eric and post something else. Wendy said that he needs to do whatever but he should quit pressuring High Pitch Eric. She said that he may get into a fight with him one day. Robin asked if this is where a judge might make a restraining order. Brent said yes.
Howard said that they have to go and figure this out. Howard said Fred is saying that he's not going to stop tweeting. He said that Eric can't threaten his life. Fred said he's right. Fred said he has a copy of a text that Eric sent to him. Howard had him read them. Fred said that this was from January 19th. He read the texts and Eric told him to quit tweeting about him. Eric said that's what he got arrested on. That's old news. Robin said that's not old news. Howard asked if Fred wants to see him go to jail. Fred said no but he needs to be punished. He said he needs to get off Twitter and social media. Eric said he sees a psychiatrist. Fred said Eric has anger issues. Howard said so does Fred.
Eric said he's on medication for his anger. He said he's on a bunch of stuff. He rattled off a whole list of things. Eric said seeing his therapist is helping him so much. He said that he called the therapist about his arrest and the therapist is going to write a letter for his court date.
Howard said that it's time for a ruling. He asked Wendy if she wanted a break. Wendy said yes. She wanted to go into her chambers to think about this. She wanted time to eat and think. Howard said they're going to take a break and then get into the penalty phase. Howard asked Wendy about changing her diaper and how she's going to clean up her doody. He asked her a bunch of questions about that and Wendy was just saying yes to everything he asked. Robin asked if there is room for an appeal if she has issues because she's thinking about cleaning up her doody. Howard said that depends on how people like this.
Howard asked Wendy about slipping and falling on doody. She confirmed the story and told Howard it took 3 people to help her up. She said she had to lay in her own doody. Howard asked if any of it flew in the air and landed in her mouth. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if any of the people lifting her slipped and fell. Wendy said yes and it was two of the three. Howard asked Wendy if she would like him or Robin to change her diaper. Wendy said Robin. She said Robin knows how to change a diaper.
Howard said he has a real legal analyst on the phone. Howard picked up on Danny Cevallos from CNN. Danny told Howard that they have to figure out if Eric was a real threat to him. Howard said Fred thinks it doesn't matter. Danny told Howard about the law and the issues there are with them. Howard said that's what Judge Wendy has to determine.
Fred said that Eric said he had people coming to his address so he'd better watch his back. Brent said no one showed up though so is it really a threat. Robin said if you think he has people then it causes stress. Howard said that's a pretty serious threat. Danny said that he knows they've reviewed the Twitter feed and Fred did say that it was fun so under the context there is no way he reasonably believed he would carry out the threat.
Fred said something about looking over your shoulder. Howard said Danny is making too much sense so he's going to let him go. Howard said he has to take a break but he's going to sum up first. Howard went over the case as they've heard it so far. Howard said that Fred was threatened by Eric and Eric has threatened other people in the past. Howard said that Fred thinks that he's in the right. Howard asked Wendy what's wrong. Wendy said she was just trying to swallow. Howard said they have to rule on this case.
Howard asked Eric to say something. Eric said he hopes she makes the right choice. He said he wants Fred to stop provoking him. He said he's sorry for what he did to him but he wants him to stop writing about him.
Fred said he wants to make another statement. Fred said that he has to remember that what you say you have to take responsibility for. He said you have to be responsible for his actions. He said deep down he appreciates him saying what he said. Fred said he can't promise to stop making comments about Eric but he will try his best. Howard said Fred can't even stop himself and he's kind of normal intelligence. Howard said they'll get Wendy's ruling after the break. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said Wendy has to rule on this case now. She's meeting some friends after the show. She's meeting someone named Dale. Howard asked what they're going to do. Wendy said they're going to hang out at the dumpster. Howard asked Wendy if she's romantically involved. Wendy said yes. Howard asked how long they've been going out. Wendy said a couple of days now. Wendy said they hang out and kiss. Wendy said that she has a friend named Chuck too. She said Chuck and Dale are cool.
Howard asked Wendy if she has had sex with any of them. She said yes. Howard asked if they're wearing protection. Wendy said they wear balloons. Howard asked if it's a literal balloon. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she's really having sex. Wendy said yes. Wendy said she's on a Depo shot that makes it so she doesn't have a period.
Howard asked Wendy if she has ever vomited in Dale's mouth. Wendy said yes to all of those questions. Howard asked what her favorite position is. Wendy belched. Howard said she's eating like crazy. Howard asked if she changed her diaper during the break. Wendy said she did.
Howard asked Wendy where she has sex. Wendy said wherever it's comfortable. She said probably in the bushes. Robin said that's so romantic. Howard asked if she had a baby what would it be. Wendy said it would either be half retarded or not.
Howard asked Fred how long they've known him. Fred said since 1987. Howard said he feels like he's been wronged by Eric. Howard asked Eric how long he's been part of the Wack Pack. Eric said since 1997. He said Fred provoked him and upset him very much.
Howard said it's time for Wendy to rule. Howard asked her who she rules in favor of. Wendy said that Eric knows that she loves him but she hopes that he doesn't hate her. Eric said he loves Wendy so he'll be fine. Wendy said she has to say that she loves High Pitch but she has to rule for Elephant Boy. She said that Eric needs to get some help and stop threatening people. Howard said that this is feeling like real court in a bizarre way.
Howard asked Eric if he can handle this. Eric said that Fred provoked him so it upset him. Howard said that's not an excuse. Wendy said she thinks Eric needs some help. She said he shouldn't have threatened Fred. Howard said now he has to go into the penalty phase. Howard said Eric looks very upset. Howard said it's too late to argue the case but he can say something before he's sentenced.
Howard said Wendy can hit him with the book, literally, or she can take away his Flat Ronnie or she can send him to the Special People's Court gas chamber where Will the Farter farts all over him. Howard asked Eric if he wants to plead his case. Eric said if Will the Farter comes in and farts on him what if something lands on him. Howard said that could happen. Howard said he could offer to remove Eric from appearing on Blue Bloods. Howard said he could call Donnie Wahlberg and ask him to go along with it. Howard asked Eric what he has to say. Eric said he likes the Flat Ronnie. He said he doesn't want to give that up. He said he hopes that Wendy will give him the Will the Farter thing.
Howard said Wendy has a choice to make now. Howard said he doesn't think they can take away the Blue Bloods thing. Howard said the Flat Ronnie thing is one thing they could take away from him. Wendy said that she thinks that they should do the farting thing and take away Flat Ronnie. Wendy didn't stick to just one thing. She said she's not backing off of that either. He has to give back Flat Ronnie and get farted on. Howard said it sounds like Wendy is going to collapse from this. Wendy said she has been thinking all last night and this morning about this. Howard said that's the risk you take coming to Special People's Court. Howard asked how many months he should live without Flat Ronnie. She said maybe 30 months. Howard asked her for 3 months instead. Wendy said yes. Elephant Boy was happy with that too. Howard said that this is a startling case.
Howard said that they're going to have to take Eric's Flat Ronnie away from him. Eric said he's upset about that. He said he thought it was going to be one thing. Brent said that she's the judge and she can change it. Eric said that in real court the judge picks just one thing. Brent said that's not true.
Howard said he thinks that Eric has learned a lesson. Eric said he knows he did wrong. Howard said he'll get farted on and he loses the Flat Ronnie for 3 months. Howard asked if he can handle this. Eric said no because he takes him on the set of Blue Bloods.
Gary said that Eric knows he did wrong today but in a year he'll forget he did wrong. He said that's why they have to do this. Fred thanked Gary. Eric asked if they can reduce the time. Howard said he has to stop reacting to Fred. Howard asked Fred to leave Eric alone and stop tweeting about him. Fred said he can't promise he'll stop. Wendy said he should Twitter something other than Eric. She said that she does that. Wendy said that she is asking for a little help. Wendy said he has to ignore things that bother him.
Fred said that he will try his best not to do it. He said he's not making any promises. Howard said if Eric complies can they reduce the sentence in a month. Wendy said yes. Eric said he loves his Flat Ronnie. Howard said he can't threaten to kill people and maybe he'll get it back sooner. Wendy said he has to stop threatening people. She said that he could get killed or arrested right away for doing that. Howard said ''Wow!'' Howard said he's so impressed with Wendy. Wendy continued to tell Eric he has to act his age and think before he acts. Eric said he can't have any contact with Fred now.
Howard said he wants to thank everyone for coming in. Howard said Wendy just ruled like a real judge. He said he knows Eric is upset but Wendy just did him a favor. Eric was pleading with them to ask Mariann and other people about him. Howard said it's too late. Howard wrapped up and said he feels like they resolved nothing. They went to break a short time later. They played some bits as they went to break.
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Howard asked Caitlyn what's going on down there with her private parts. Caitlyn said it's a mess down there. Robin asked if she would be having a gay sex act if she was with a man. Caitlyn said Robin is such a confused woman.
Howard asked Caitlyn about the woman she hit with her car that died. Caitlyn said no one cares about that. She said people care about what she's wearing. She explained what happened to the other driver and how she only killed one person with her car last year. Caitlyn said she's innocent. Caitlyn said it's just one person and it's 364 days that she didn't kill anyone. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go after that.
Howard said that wasn't really Caitlyn for anyone thinking it was. Howard said maybe he should bring that person in there. Howard said it's actually Kyle Dunnigan. Howard had Kyle come in. Howard had him sit in. Howard said he can chime in if things get slow. Howard said that he works on Inside Amy Schumer. Howard said he thinks he was banging her too. Kyle said it was a very brief thing. He said that it was two people acting like adults. Howard said he banged her when she wasn't successful. Kyle said that's right. He said he'll consult Howard next time. Howard said he's looking for someone on the cusp of fame and then he'll just get out. Kyle said he hates private jets and all of the perks that come with fame.
Howard said it would be great if he started dating Caitlyn for real. Kyle did more of his impression. Howard said he's not even known for them. Kyle said he only does them there. He said there's a stigma when you do stand up and become someone else. Howard said he loves comedians that do impressions. Howard said he knows that other comedians look down on them though.
Howard said his Perez Hilton impression is great too. Kyle did some of that impression and talked about Benjy and his beard. He also did his Donald Trump impression. Howard said Trump loves him and called him the other night before he went on stage. Howard said that Trump called him 5 minutes before he went on with Sarah Palin. Howard said he told him he's going to get some of the nut vote out there.
Howard talked to Kyle as if he were Trump. Kyle did the impression telling Howard how great he is. He talked about Megyn Kelly and how he'd bang her but she's a loser. Trump talked about how he won't do the FOX debate if Megyn is there. Howard said in the first debate she said all of this shit to him about how he hates women. Howard said that he fired back at her with the bleeding comment. Howard asked Trump what he's going to do that night. Trump said he's going to watch some highlight reels of himself. He said that Howard and Robin can come over and watch with him.
Howard said Kyle answers all of the questions. Howard said that he should do voices in his act. Howard said Kyle was on stage with Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence and he jumped on stage with Billy Joel. Kyle said he jumped on stage when he was in his 18 and he thought that he had AIDS so he just went up. He said that security just let him down because it was at the end of the show. He said he had it on video so he showed it to Billy. Howard asked if Billy was upset he had to have him on stage that night. Kyle said probably. He said it was the best night of his life though.
Kyle said they did a kick line up there on stage that night. Howard said it's good that he found out he didn't have AIDS.
Howard asked if he was really hanging with Amy and Jennifer. Kyle said he shared a suite with Jennifer that Amy got for them. He said he didn't have sex or anything. Howard asked when he stopped having sex with Amy. Kyle said it was like a year and a half ago. Howard asked who dumped who. Kyle said that he doesn't think Amy cried when he broke up with her. He said he's a weird dude. Howard said that it's so insulting when you break up and no one cries. Robin said the tip off is that they remained friends.
Kyle said he once broke up with a girl on the phone. He told Howard about that and Howard said he's happy to see Kyle. Howard said they should get to he news. Howard said he dated Sarah Silverman. Kyle said he was with her for 2 years. Howard said she was in love with him. Kyle said she's great too. He said he still loves her. Howard asked what went wrong here. Kyle said he's weird. He said that they both kind of drifted. Howard asked if he thinks he'll ever get married. Kyle said he's thinking he wants to now. He said he's 44 now and he's finally at that point. Howard asked if he's getting laid. Kyle said he is. Howard asked if Perez thinks he's a good looking guy. Perez said he's disgusting.
Howard said he should date Whitney Cummings. Kyle said he's been around her and they seem to fight all the time. Howard said that means she likes him. Howard said he pictures Sarah Silverman laughing at him while they're having sex. Howard said he doesn't think he could fuck a comedian.
Howard said he might be able to get Kyle someone like Lisa Lampanelli or Kathy Griffin. Howard said that they might be ready to settle down.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that segment was awesome. He said that he loved that Wendy addressed both sides of the case. Howard said they didn't even tell her what to say. He said that she watches a lot of TV. Howard said that he had to talk Eric down after that segment.
Robin read a story about Quentin Tarantino's dad and how people are writing about him like he was actually Quentin's dad. Howard said the guy abandoned Quentin as a kid so he's not much of a dad.
Robin read more stories and Kyle chimed in as Caitlyn and Trump a couple of times. Robin read a story about an artist who is going to sit on a toilet and people will sit on one opposite her as part of an exhibit. Howard did a live commercial read after that. He let Kyle get in a plug for his web site KyleDunnigan.com. He talked to him more about dating Amy and Sarah. He said his mom loved Sarah. Howard asked if he has his eye on anyone else right now. Kyle said he doesn't.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby and the honorary doctorates that he has that are being taken back. Robin said Temple university hasn't acted yet. Robin said they say that it's a conflict of interest.
Robin read about the price of an ad during the Super Bowl. Robin said it's $4.5 million for a 30 second ad. Kyle said that a billionaire should just buy them all. Howard said they should ask Trump about that. Kyle did his Trump impression for a few seconds.
Robin read about what the teams are going to be wearing at the big game this year. Robin had a few other things about the NFL and the game that she went through.
Robin read a story about the Iranian president going to Rome to meet with the pope and leaders there. Robin said in his honor they're covering the nude statues there. Howard said this is crazy. He said imagine being born in Iran and having to live under that government. Robin said tell him to stay home if he can't see nude statues. Robin said they covered up the statues with large boxes.
Robin read about how Oprah Winfrey is talking about how she's losing weight on Weight Watchers. Robin had some audio of Oprah talking about how she's able to eat bread every day and how genius the program is. Howard said she must be freaking out about the stock dropping. Robin said it sky rocketed after that video came out. Howard said his mom and sister did that back when he was in high school. He said he did it with them and the bread was a little wafer. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Caitlyn Jenner and that got Kyle going with his impression again. Howard said he's quite attracted to what's left of his penis. Howard said he has no problem with being gay.
Robin read about Abe Vigoda dying for real this time. Robin said that his first fake obituary came out in 1982. Robin said he is dead for real this time though.
Robin read that they have the republican debate coming up soon. Robin said that Trump has said he won't be part of it because Megyn Kelly is going to be there. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about why he doesn't want to be part of the debate.
Howard said they should never play Trump clips when they have Kyle in there. Kyle did more of his Trump impression. Howard said that he should go on and debate himself. Howard had more audio of Trump talking about the debates and how he's won every one of the six he's done so far. Trump said the democrats are done with theirs. He said the republican debates go on forever. He said it's time that somebody plays grown up. He said the networks are getting rich from this. Howard said what Trump is saying is that he has already won the debates. Howard gave Trump some suggestions for what he could do while he's watching the debates. He said he can watch and jerk off on Megyn's face on the TV. Howard said then he can post a picture on Twitter. Trump said this is why he calls this guy.
Howard said Ronald Reagan dropped out of a debate right before he was named the republican candidate. Howard said he sat home and he thinks he jerked off on Barbara Walters' face. Robin had more Trump audio for Howard to play. She had one of Trump going off on a reporter for asking a question that wasn't asked in the way Trump thought he should ask it. Howard said that he's not sure why the guy wants this. He said it doesn't sound like he's having fun with it.
Robin read about the latest polls and how Bernie Sanders is beating Hillary. Kyle was still doing his Trump impression and saying that things are over. He said he's going to get all the votes.
Robin read a story about some of the other candidates and who is endorsing who. Robin went through some of that and had some audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about a mother and father who put their baby to sleep and heard the two year old reciting their nighttime prayer to herself on a baby monitor. Robin had some audio of the girl doing that.
Robin read a story about the Oregon protestors being under arrest. Robin had some audio of one of the protestors talking about how he was turning himself in.
Howard said he thought they were like a half hour late. Howard said he didn't know it was only 10:35. He said he just leaves after he gets exhausted. Howard said they're actually on schedule.
Robin read more about the protestors and how one of them was shot. Robin said the others were arrested. Howard did another bit with Kyle where he talked to him as Trump.
Robin read about Flint, Michigan and how there are stars providing bottled water for the people there. Howard said that's a nightmare story there. Robin said Walmart is teaming up with Coca Cola and Pepsi to get water to the school children there. Robin had an audio clip to play.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loved the trial this morning. She said she thinks that Fred the Elephant Boy is somewhat of a bully. She said that she would like Howard to give her Eric's Flat Ronnie. Howard said that Flat Ronnie is going to be returned to Eric when this is over. Howard said he doesn't have a game to give one away right now either. Howard said they do have a Win a Date With Tan Mom contest though. The caller said she'll pass on that.
Howard said speaking of Tan Mom he has a clip of Shuli interviewing her and they asked her a basic question about Sarah Palin. He said he wasn't able to follow her logic. Howard said she starts rambling about racism. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom said she's not a fan of Sarah Palin. She said she's not a racist but we have to get back into what we all are. She said the bottom line is we're white and we are one united and they are all trying to push in and trying to be us. She said they discriminate us. She said it's a fact. Robin asked what her point was. Howard said they asked her about the Oscars and that was equally unintelligible. Howard played another clip where Shuli asked her about blacks being overlooked in the Oscars. Tan Mom said that's discrimination.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his baby voice. Howard hung right up when Sour asked what he was doing in that baby voice.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that today's show proves that Howard is the greatest interviewer. He said that it's been so entertaining today. Howard said it is. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard mentioned that Kyle Dunnigan is sitting in. Kyle said he's an Emmy Award winner. Howard asked when he got that. He said it was a few months ago. Howard asked if he went to the awards. Kyle said he did and he won it for a song he wrote. He said it was a comedy song. He said that the writers of Inside Amy Schumer helped write it. Kyle said he wrote the music and some of the lyrics. Howard asked if he put it out for people to see. Kyle said he had it on his fireplace mantle. He said that he has some people renting his place and now they're squatting there. He said that this is the last year he's going to do this. He said his brother is a cop and he told him there is nothing he can do. He said they have the lease until February 1st. He said he's supposed to move in the first and they might still be there. He said he might have to have more people move in until they move out. Howard said he figured he was doing well enough that he wouldn't have to rent out his house. Kyle said he has the poor person mentality and he still lives like that. Howard asked if he is dying inside that he has to go home and knock on the door. Kyle said he should get some big friends to come with him. He said he's asked his neighbor to keep an eye on things. Howard wondered why they don't have laws to protect guys like him. Kyle said hopefully it'll be fine.
Robin read a story about a man who died in a single car crash over the weekend. He was watching pornography while he was driving. Robin said he wasn't wearing pants or a seat belt while he was watching his phone. Robin said that's one problem with a smartphone. Robin said it's very distracting. Howard said he's been watching porn on his phone lately. Kyle asked if he ever fears dying while doing that and someone finds your phone. Gary said that they have a staff member who watches porn while estopped at red lights. It's Will. Howard asked Will what's up with that. Howard said he has two kids so it might not be a good thing to admit. Will said he'll put something on in traffic for a minute.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who was on earlier. Robin asked how he's doing. Jeff said Howard asked for it and he got it. He said the mug is for sale. He said the picture is blurred out a little bit though. Howard said you need to see the cock. Jeff said you can see it. Jeff got in a plug for his web site again. Howard said it's not fun when Jeff is in on the joke.
Robin read a story about Andie MacDowell getting thrown out of a first class seat because she had a dog with her and she was sitting at a bulkhead so there was no room for the carrier.
Howard read some email about Sal and his hair transplants. Howard had a bunch about Sal and all of the stuff he was talking about this week.
Robin read a story about an American tourist who was killed while visiting a Caribbean island. Robin said this woman was attacked with a machete like weapon while walking down the beach. Howard said just stay home. Howard said he just stays at the resort. Howard said everything is there. He said there's no reason to leave.
Howard let Kyle get in another plug and then ended the show. They were done around 11:00am.
Jon said that Danny Cevallos is there with them today too. Jon said he thought Wendy was a fantastic judge. Jon said he was worried early on that maybe High Pitch got to her. He said that she ruled and she made more sense than anyone in the studio. Danny said she really did. He said that this verdict was very much within her authority as a judge. Jon said when it came down to the case Wendy did a really good job.
Jon asked Rahsaan about today's poll. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Do you think High Pitch Erik will abide by Judge Wendy's ruling?'' It's a simple yes or no.
Jon said Eric seemed more concerned with Flat Ronnie than with the gas chamber. Jon said that Will the Farter thing will be a tough thing to serve. Danny said the interesting thing there is that Wendy's punishment could be provoked. He said if he does something wrong then they could extend it. Jon said that's an excellent point. He said Wendy did give a 30 month sentence at first. Danny said this was an exciting judicial moment.
Jon asked Danny if Eric confessed during the trial today. Danny went through the case and said Eric alternated between defending himself and apologizing for what he did. He said that can be construed as an admission of guilt.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought the trial was good. He said Wendy should have given Fred a sentence too and tell him to back off Eric. Jon said he's not sure he should be sentenced but he did provoke Eric. He said Fred said something very smart when he said that this is first amendment. He said he's just tweeting and saying what he's got to say. He said Fred was just joking around and breaking balls. He didn't say it in quite that way though. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Jon said he imagines that she stacks up pretty well to some of the people Danny has seen. Danny said you never know what the verdict is going to be. He said that she did a fine job today articulating her verdict. Jon said her Mountain Dew almost took her out today with the coughing fit. Gary said they could have had a mistrial over that.
Kyle asked if that's the first time Mountain Dew interrupted a case like that. Danny said he would have to say it is.
Jon asked Gary what he felt about the trial. Gary said he has strong feelings about it. He said he likes both of those guys. He said that they can both be super nice or super irritating. Gary said the problem today is that after Eric had the ruling handed down he got sad and they felt bad for him. He said that Eric is very repentant until time goes by. He said he has done this before and he doesn't seem to get it. Danny said there is no way to know if people like that are going to be able to finish probation. He said he can appear remorseful but it's not clear if they will stick to it.
Jon said you have to love how Brent and Danny are trying to apply the law here after their judge was choking on Mountain Dew and eating the whole time. Gary said he begged Eric to get off Twitter. He said he has to ignore it and just play video games.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if what happened today could affect what happens in real court. Danny gave his thoughts on that stuff and said if you have a prior conviction it could affect it. Danny talked about Eric and how his IQ doesn't mean they don't understand the consequences of what they did. Danny spent a short time going over what Eric might be able to do in court and what might happen to him. The guys let Danny do his analysis for a few minutes.
Kyle asked who is going to keep an eye on Eric and his Flat Ronnie thing. Gary said he'll be in next week to do the gas chamber thing and he has to turn it in then. Kyle asked if there is a chance that he'll have his probation extended if he violates it. Jon said they'll answer that after the break. They went to break after that.
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Danny said you can give your opinion about something but it doesn't keep you from civil liability. He said that Fred can be opening himself up to civil liability. He said there are large exceptions to your free speech rights. He said defamation and hate speech are among them.
Gary said Eric isn't forced to be on Twitter. He said he can stay off of Twitter. Danny said courts can keep you from being in contact. He said that judges have to enter orders about this stuff. He said they can order people to stay off of those services.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they use the same headphones with these guys that they do with the guests. Jon said that's a good question. Gary said he can answer that. He said the headphones they used today aren't the same ones that the guests use. Gary said that they have special ones. Gary said they have a cover they put over the microphone to keep from popping your Ps. He said that Fred's was full of saliva today so they will probably have to replace that one. Gary said that they kept putting Fred on the microphone but a lot of spit got on it.
Jon took a call from a guy who congratulated him on his book. He said Gary is the greatest producer in the world but he's not sure how he can stomach Howard talking about Wendy's doody more than anything else. He said he must have spent 10 minutes on that. He said then he pushed the trial toward Eric. He said he thinks Howard was biased. He said Eric has threatened children. Jon said they don't know what Eric has or hasn't done. He asked Kyle if he thinks Howard spent too much time on the doody. Kyle said he thought it was good to get into that with her. Gary said he thinks Howard is fascinated with a person who is half human and half not. He said that she spends most of the day out by herself. Gary said Howard is interested in how all of that works. Kyle said it's also interesting to hear her saying yes to everything he asks her.
Jon said they also talked to Wendy about the guys she's been going out. Wendy said she's having sex and one guy is using a balloon. Jon said that her ruling was spot on. He said they played the clip of Wendy giving a ruling that made so much sense. He said she threw the book at Eric.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was wondering about he appeal and if they'll have an appeals judge and a supreme court kind of thing. Jon asked Danny if the same judge could preside or do they need to get someone else. Danny said it will go to another court so it won't be the same judge.
Kyle asked Gary about Eric since he knows him. Gary said he actually found him at an appearance. He said he was at least 150 pounds lighter than he is now. Jon said he does look like a completely different guy now. Kyle asked if Gary thinks Eric will ever physically harm someone. Gary said he doesn't think so but he can't say for sure. He said only because he's heard how angry he can get. He said he doesn't think he's capable of hurting someone but he might be.
Gary also said he doesn't think that he'd replace Wendy with another judge if they had to do it again. Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology where they're going to be playing High Pitch Eric's fish appearance. Gary said they can't downplay that because it's one of the best ever. He said Eric was really afraid.
Jon asked Rahsaan for the poll results. Rahsaan said that 91 percent said there's no way Eric will abide by the ruling. Jon gave the guys some plugs and wrapped up. They were done around 11:45am.
Jon said he thinks Sal will go with a toupee if the plugs don't work. Jon said they've had other bald people on the show. Gary said they got Scott a toupee from a sponsor years ago. He said that you get used to seeing the person like that and then they take it off and it looks weird. Gary said Scott was like that. He said he had to take his hair in for monthly maintenance and he stopped doing it. Jon asked if that's why he got rid of it. Gary said he thinks Scott stopped because of the money. He said he did mention that it could be hot and itchy under there but he thinks it was the money. Gary said Scott looked really good in the toupee. He said he got used to it and it looked good.
Jon asked Rahsaan about today's poll. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Which staffer looks more like a terrorist?'' and the choices were Sal and Gary.
Gary told a story about how he was in a car accident years ago and the guy who hit him ended up yelling at him that ''All you greasy mother fuckers are the same.'' He said that he wasn't sure which one of those greasy mother fuckers he was talking about though. Gary said he did a show where they had the Chilean miners on and one of the producers came up to him speaking Spanish and he had to tell the woman that he didn't speak Spanish. He said the miners were standing behind him so they thought he was one of them.
Jon said Sal rode in with him to work on Monday and they drove by a house where a person was shoveling and Sal leaned to him and said ''Sleeper cell.'' He said maybe Sal thinks that way because of the way people confuse him for other ethnicities.
Jon said he wants to talk about Sal and the lesbian chat room where he got dressed up in a wig and makeup. Jon said Sal isn't doing it for a joke. He said he did it to get off. Jon said that's a disturbed human being there. Gary said that telling a woman that you work with that you want to be their toilet paper is so not right too. He said it's a bizarre thought to have. He said that you have to think about saying that and then you actually say it. Jon said there is no gate or toll in Sal's brain. He said that's why they love Sal.
Jon said that once Sal is told he did something wrong he admits he did wrong but he has no knowledge why. Gary said he thinks Sal knows things but he doesn't believe that it's correct when he admits something is wrong. Gary said the outtakes of the apology Sal made a few years ago are great because he's saying he doesn't know why what he said was wrong.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what kind of crazy things Jon and Gary have done online. Gary said he tried going into chat rooms back in the 90s. He said he couldn't get anywhere. Jon said you're talking to a guy 99 percent of the time. He said Howard even wrote about it in his book about how he had sex online and it turned out to be a guy. Jon said JD was fooled by a guy for the Film Festival too. Gary said he went online and tried to talk to one of the women that Howard talked to and she gave him the ''That's just for Howard'' kind of thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that nobody looks good with hair plugs or a toupee. He said you just have to let it happen. He said Jason Statham and Bruce Willis look good with no hair. He said just work on your body and forget about the fake hair.
Gary said there are people who are bald who use toupees and then they're on the beach without them on. Gary said a great example is Jason Alexander. He said he's not trying to hide it from the world. He said he tried it and he stopped. He said John Travolta's hair goes up and down his head. He said it's all over the place. Jon said if his hair starts looking odd then he'll just go all in and go bald.
Gary said they knew a guy who had a hair piece and it was something they weren't allowed to mention. Jon said to most of the people who have one, we know and it's okay. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said the other thing that changes the game is streaming. Gary said that's one thing he doesn't understand. Jon said they have Jeff Price and James there. Jon said Jeff started this thing. He asked who they work with. Jeff went through a list of bands who have trouble getting their money. He mentioned some big ones like Metallica and others. Jeff told a story about streaming and how the people who wrote the melody in songs aren't getting paid for streaming music. He said legally you're supposed to be paid in royalties and they've discovered that it's not happening. He said it's every interactive streaming service. He said that it's places like Spotify and other streaming services. Jeff said he's trying not to bore the listener and went on to explain how it's the interacting streaming services and not the download services.
Jon asked about songs that are covered and how that all works. Jeff said if you want to cover a song the song writer can't say no. He said anyone can record your song and you can't stop them. Jeff kept saying he was trying not to make this sound like paint drying but he went into deep details about how this all works and how the musicians get screwed. He talked about notices of intent and how places like Spotify didn't bother to get a license. He said they built a company that has a value of $8 billion. He said they just grab the music and then grab the customers and up sell other stuff.
Jeff said that James is their controller. He said they figured out a way to figure this all out. He said James was able to help and they found out what's going on and it's like Mad Max. He said they're plowing ahead and decimating the music industry.
Gary asked what the most amount of money was that they found that they could return to an artist. James said there are so many. He said there are tens of millions. He said the people they work for they've called up and told them there are tens of thousands they can return to them now.
Jon said what they're doing is representing the writers who are getting screwed over. Jeff said there's this look like ''what's going on'' and everyone is scratching their heads over what's happening.
Gary said he goes to a song writer's award show every year and he really didn't know it was this big of a problem. Jeff said they work for Bob Dylan and they found about 8,000 recordings of his music that are out there. He said there are about 800 of just ''All Along the Watchtower'' and they found that he wasn't getting paid for those recordings. He said you look at it and you just ask ''what the fuck is going on?'' He said Spotify has no infrastructure built so you have to go to a third party company and the other company tells them they weren't supposed to be able to do this stuff and then you just stop hearing from them.
Jon asked if Howard is due money too. James said that he is. He said the cover of his songs like Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes and others are out there being played.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he is an independent artist himself. He said he was in the Cockyoke contest and came in as a runner up. He said that his band is The New York Rock. He said they release and album and they do what a label would do but on their own. The caller, Mike, went through the process and said there is money out there that is theirs that they can't collect from. He said that there are companies out there that help them. Jon cut him off and asked James and Jeff if they work with anyone. Jeff said that he had another company where he was helping artist and helped Stuttering John out in the past too. He said that there are so many royalty streams out there and they don't all collect royalties for the same things. Jeff told Mike that he might be able to get involved in this class action lawsuit that's going on. They spent a little more time talking about that and then went to break.
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Jon took a call from a woman who said she wanted to bring up Sal and how she remembers him making a prank call to KFC in Libya and spoke with an accent. Gary said that Sal would say that he doesn't need to know where places like that are as long as what he's doing is funny. Jon said Sal doesn't know where Benghazi is but he's very upset with Hillary Clinton and what she did with her email. Gary said Sal told him that Trump was going to be the guy to vote for and he yelled out Hillary and Benghazi. Gary said Sal told him that she murdered those people. Gary said Sal didn't know what went on over there. He said he knew he'd be good to explain that on the air. Jon said Sal never did figure out where Benghazi was. He said he didn't know it was in Libya.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loved the Special People's Court yesterday. He said he thinks he knows why Eric is so upset with Fred. He said Eric was upset with Fred saying that he should be taken off his SSI. He said he doesn't think he wanted Fred to say anything about his inheritance because the government might find out about it. He said that might be why it all got so out of hand. Gary said Eric has every right to be upset but he shouldn't have tweeted back what he did. He said you can't threaten someone. Jon said it's just someone typing on a screen. He said they let it affect them so much that it came to this. Gary said the people who tweet the worst things are people sitting home along and not having anyone to bounce stuff off of. Gary said people get upset over things and threaten to kill people.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and asked Rahsaan for the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that 62 percent voted for Sal. They wrapped up and ended the show around Noon.
Gary said Wendy threw the book at Eric and she felt that he as guilty enough to deserve both sentences. He said she amazed him. Jon said between the three who was the most prepared for this day. Gary said he thinks Eric had a ton of paper but none of them were necessary to bring. Jon said Fred had his exhibits set up but his communicating was tough. He said that always gets in the way for him. He said that Eric and Fred tried to reach out to each other to put this in the past. Jon said it's hard to ignore when people are bashing you on Twitter. He said that seems to be the problem.
Gary said what he got out of this was Eric was trying to get Fred to stop doing what he's doing. Gary said Fred said he's not going to stop. Jon said he gets why Eric did what he did but it's very childish. He said he thinks Eric may have learned his lesson this time. He said he seemed to have something get through to him. He said he was upset when he left and now he'll serve his time and get his Flat Ronnie again and move on. Gary said he disagrees. He said Jon is correct but Eric will probably do this again to someone. Jon said they'll have to see.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Wendy was great this week. He asked what the relationship is like between Wendy's family and them. Gary said it's great. He said Wendy's mom works all day and he thinks she enjoys that Wendy has a good time on the show. Gary said they have a great relationship. Jon said you can see photos of Wendy in her chambers on the web. He said when she rendered that verdict he wasn't the only one who was impressed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it seems like Wendy's judgment was based on experience. He asked if they think she has had experiences with things like that. Gary said she did threaten the electric company. Jon said that he was convinced that it was going to go in Eric's favor based on what she was saying to him during the show. He said when she ruled he thought she was trying to help Eric. He said he thinks that Wendy's IQ is 3 points lower than Eric's. He said maybe Eric will see what she was saying and get that he can't do it again.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jon really believes that it sunk into Eric. Jon said he does. He said he talked to Eric afterward and he felt that it did sink in and he will listen. He said that it may not last like Gary was saying. The caller said he doesn't think Eric has had any lasting consequence when he's done things wrong. He said he's still going to get his own way no matter what he does. Gary said he does think he needs a punishment but maybe not jail. He said he thinks the whole thing will go away. He said he needs to lose something important to him. He said he hopes he never goes to jail though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said if you keep going after the guy he's eventually going to do something. Gary said that he knows that and Eric knows what's right and wrong. He said Eric should have just said ''screw you'' without the threat thing. Jon said Fred isn't innocent there. He said he did provoke Eric there. Gary said he isn't sure what Fred has for Eric. Jon said it is a weird feud. He said he seems to be doing it just because Eric irritates him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how they got around the no contact thing with them. He asked if there will be an issue if he doesn't bring Flat Ronnie in. Gary said there will be consequences. He didn't say anything about the no contact order. Gary said if Eric shows up without Flat Ronnie then what do they do? He asked if they will send someone to his apartment to pick him up. Jon said they should and maybe they have to give him more time in the gas chamber or something. They went to break after that.
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Jon said they have Brandy Howard and Julie Goldman sitting in now. Jon said they're from the People's Couch. Jon asked Brandy if she understands Sal and the money he's spending on his looks. Brandy said she likes to look at Jude Law, Matthew McConaughey, Ben Affleck and others who have had hair plugs. She said that they say Bradley Cooper has had them too. Gary said in that case maybe it's not so bad to get them done. Gary asked if Sal is going to the caliber of a Ben Affleck doctor. Brandy said she loves a Silver Fox with hair like that. She said once you know a guy has done it then it's not hot. She said you can't unknown it after that. She said they seem like a woman to her. She said that they should just go with the bald look although Howie Mandel looks odd bald.
Jon asked Julie about Sal's story about going into a lesbian chat room as Josephine. Julie said her pussy inverted and turned into balls and exploded when she heard that story. Julie said that she has heard that other guys have done that too. She said that if you're a lesbian on a lesbian site you're looking for a lesbian with a vagina. She said she'd kick his ass if she ended up with a guy like that. She said that she knows that some guys look for threesomes in those chat rooms.
Jon asked how it goes down once they find out a guy is there. Julie said she can't speak for everybody. She said if he's looking to get a woman to use a strap on with him then maybe go for it. She said if he's looking for a lesbian who is going to get with him he's in the wrong place. She said he has the whole world and he goes in there. She also wondered why the name Josephine and not Sally. Jon said they have to get into that with him at some point.
Jon said that Sal's wife walked in on him while he was doing this. Jon said he doesn't think it led to any marital strife. Gary said that it's too weird to just brush off as ''Oh that's just Sal.'' Julie said she wants to see what that would look like. Jon said they have a photo up on the web site so she can see.
Jon asked what Sal's mental state is when he's doing something like that. Brandy said that he must have been like this was just a bit for the show but he's just inventing this weird shit to do. Gary said that he think Sal will end up getting raped by a drifter. Jon said he wonders what Sal thinks is weird. Jon said that he doesn't know what his line is. He said who knows what he's not telling them.
Gary said he thinks that Sal confesses to people and they tell him that he's out of his fucking mind. He said that's when he doesn't know that something is normal.
Gary said that Brandy mentioned that hair plug thing and how you can't unknown it. Gary said when you see a guy like Sal when the look doesn't matter then what does she think. Brandy said that his insecurities make her think that he cheats on his wife or something. She said he's looking for attention from women or something. She said that he's having a problem getting older. Brandy said she likes to flirt with strangers too and we're all getting older so she gets why he wants to look young.
Jon said maybe Sal should be in a lesbian chat room because he's feeling like that kind of person. Julie said she never even thought of that. Julie said she thinks that he's looking for attention from women and that's why he's doing what he does.
Gary said maybe Sal is just so vain. He said his raccoon eyes bother him like an older woman's laugh lines would bother her. He said Sal focuses on these parts of his body that women don't even notice. Gary said Sal has told him about his dad having can's of hair spray around all the time so maybe that's part of it. They went to break a short time later.
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Gary said one thing they glossed over is the swingers thing that he did to those people on the swinger's web site. He said he told the people that his wife was coming and she never shows up. Jon said he was just waiting there to jerk off to them. Gary said he loves how much effort and time he puts into something that has no pay off. Jon said Sal likes attention and that's what it's all about.
Brandy asked if that's cheating. Julie said everyone is on a web cam. Gary asked how she would feel. Julie said she thinks it's cheating if you're on with swingers.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has an issue with this. He asked why it's effeminate for men to take care of himself but if women get breast implants it's for herself. Julie said that it's never for herself. The caller asked why Sal can't get hair plugs if he's trying to enhance his looks. Julie said that she doesn't think that it's wrong. Brandy said that you just don't want a man who is so concerned with how he looks. She said just go chop down a tree and not be spraying your hair into a pompadore and whitening your teeth.
Jon asked the caller if it's okay for Christine to be shoveling the driveway if Sal is inside enhancing his looks. The caller laughed and said ''Yeah, right.'' He said that he would probably shovel it himself. He said he's a strong man with hair plugs. Julie said that she had a problem with him saying that he didn't shovel because he had stitches in his head. Jon said this isn't the first time. He said Sal has done that before and he didn't have stitches in his head. Julie said Sal should have offered to shovel at least. Julie said she would be the one shoveling in that situation and there are just some things they have to do. Jon said that Christine has always shoveled the driveway. She knows it has to be done so she goes and does it.
Jon took a call from a guy, Q from Impractical Jokers, who said he wants to defend Sal. He said that he's one of the guys in the public eye and he gets it. He said if you've been in the public eye since you were young you have to do it. He said you have no choice. Gary said Sal is on the radio though. He said he's not really in the public eye that much. Jon said that it's not for his entertainment career, it's for vanity. The caller asked what's wrong with that. He said confidence comes into play with that. Brandy said she does like a fuller head of hair.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who they think is the most normal and manly guys there. Gary said they don't have a manly man on staff. Gary said they don't have a guy who can chop down a tree with an axe. Jon said maybe Fred. Brandy said she's surprised by that. Gary said maybe him, Jon and Will fall into that. He said they own homes and have kids. Gary said he's not a manly man though. Jon said being a homeowner doesn't make you a manly man.
Jon said he thinks Fred takes care of himself. He said that Howard and Benjy aren't on that list. He said that it does leave Scott Salem and Ronnie too. Jon said that Ronnie may be a manly man but maybe you'll find some stuff in his closet too. Jon said Ronnie loves NASCAR and he's at strip clubs and all of that. Gary said he thinks a guy who knows a lot about cars and can fix a car is a man's man. Jon agreed. Gary said Fred has some of that manual labor stuff going.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he gets the insecurity part of Sal but he thinks he's setting himself up so when his kids grow up he can leave his wife and get other women. He said that he's just setting up for that now. Gary said he doesn't know about that. Jon said he disagrees. He said Sal has always been this type of guy since he's known him. He said he thinks he cares about how he looks and it's always been that way. Gary said by the time Sal's kids are gone he'll be a little long in the tooth to be looking for women.
Jon asked Brandy and Julie about Judge Wendy's ruling. Julie said it's heaven hearing Wendy speak. She said her ruling was amazing. Brandy asked who gets the headphones after that. Gary said they clean them all. Gary said generally the VIPs don't use the same headphones. Gary said they have a box that says Wack Pack Headphones and another one that says Big Foot Headphones.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and ended the show around 11:45am.