Howard started the show playing a clip of Sour Shoes announcing who they had coming up on the show today. Sour announced they have Aurora who is a singer that Howard heard singing a Bowie song on Girls. Howard said she's going to come in and perform that live for them. Howard said he's a fan of her's. He said She has a song called ''I Went too Far'' that she'll play too. Howard said he's a big fan of hers. Howard said that's a cool name if that's her real name. Gary said it is her real name.
Howard said here are so many things to talk about. He said Shuli was talking to Underdog Lady and She was talking about winning a costume contest. Howard said she's about 65 years old and She has a circuit of costume contests She goes too every year. Howard said there are always little children She competes against. Howard said they have to make her a trophy or she'll go berserk.
Howard had Shuli come in to talk about it. He played the clip of Shuli talking to Underdog about a costume contest She was at. She said all of the other contestants were kids. She told Shuli who She competed against and how everyone got an honorable mention ribbon other than her. She won first place. Shuli said the oldest kid was probably 11 years old. He said it's just a traditional thing that the town does. Howard said maybe She should think She shouldn't be in this. Shuli said that doesn't occur to her. Shuli said everyone used to win first place. They had to create this trophy for her because that's what it's all about for her. Howard said She must have complained that they didn't have a winner. Shuli said he's seen her lecture judges for what they missed in contests. He said She will freak out if she's not there early so She can distance herself from the other contestants.
Howard asked if She has a multiple trophies in her house. Shuli said She has many on shelves in her house. He said he's seen them.
Howard said He thinks they should bring Sal's kid to a contest and trick him out so He can't lose. He said He doesn't think she's lost a contest legitimately. Shuli said the kids don't spend 6 months preparing like her. Howard said they should have JJ Abrams guy work on the costume. He said either that or they get another 65 year old to show up in a full costume. Howard said they should get Ben Affleck to enter as Batman. Howard said that costume was great and He thought Affleck was a great Batman. Howard and Shuli talked about Dr. Strange and some other comic book movies that are coming out.
Shuli said He asked Underdog if people noticing her or the trophies are more important to her. She didn't hesitate saying it's the trophy.
Howard played another clip of Underdog talking about her costumes. Howard said She just needs to find a man. Howard said He wonders what her situation is and if she's perpetually a child. Shuli said He thinks her parents put the kibosh on kid activities. Howard said He wonders what She is. He said a shrink might need to work on her a while. Howard said She does work though. Shuli said She does. He said he'd love to do an Embedded with her on a day off. He said He wants to see what She does on those days.
Howard asked if She has friends. Shuli said She does. He said He did an internet show with her. He said He shot a Christmas show in July and She sang Christmas songs in Latin. Howard said He would like to get her on the air to talk about products. Howard asked if she's the cool one among her friends. Shuli said She is. Howard said she's the star. Howard said she's the queen of dipshits. Shuli said her friends think she's the star.
Robin asked if She works every day. Shuli said She does but She is yet to tell him what it is She does. Howard said He thinks she's a senator.
Howard said Shuli did a good job. He saw him limping out so He asked what was up with that. Shuli said He just slept wrong and woke up sore. Howard said He heard that Shuli's kids are constantly sick. He said he's always telling the guys there that they're sick.
Howard said Jon won't say goodbye when He leaves work now because He doesn't want Jason doing it anymore. Howard said Jason will catch him and do it anyway.
Howard said that's something. He asked Jon if that's true that He won't say goodbye. Howard asked where Jason is too. He said He wants to hear the whole thing. Howard asked Jon if He really doesn't say goodbye. Jon said that's not true. Jason said he's lying. He said since that came on the show He sits there with this headphones on staring straight ahead. He said He just gets up and disappears without saying goodbye. Howard said that's not a bad strategy. Jon said He can't sneak out.
Robin asked if he's not talking to anyone. Jon said he's concentrating on his work. Jason said you can tell Jon was incensed over the songs coming in and all of that. Howard asked if they talk about it on the Wrap Up Show. Jon said they talked about it on Thursday and Friday. Jason said that's a lie. He said they told Jon to take the calls and He refused. Jon said that's not true. Jason said that's what Brent Hatley told him.
Howard had Brent come in to talk about that. Howard played another song parody about Jon and Jason. Brent came in and said that Jon won't take the call. He said He took one last week and He refuses to take others. Jon said that's not true. He said He did take some. He said he's not ignoring it.
Jason said on Twitter Jon will post something and people will post ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' for the first 5 responses. Jon said He loves that. Howard said Jon looks like a beaten man. Jon said He thought that last song parody was funny. Jason said that just isn't true.
Howard said as long as Brent is in there He should talk to him about how He wants to be a sportscaster. Brent said He loves it. Howard said Shuli went to a soccer game with Brent and He talks into a tape recorder practicing. Shuli said they were at a NYC Football Club game and He saw Brent with his phone up to his mouth like a microphone. He said He wondered what He was doing. He said He was sitting there doing play by play.
Howard said when He was in college He was going nowhere fast. Howard said there was a kid He met early on and He was a school of communications guy. He said this guy's thing was going to hockey games and speaking into a cassette player doing play by play. He took the tapes and sent them out to Arizona and He gets an offer to be a play by play for this Arizona team. Howard said He left school to take the job. Howard said that's how He made audition tapes.
Brent said He knew a guy who made tapes and He ended up being a play by play for the Orioles. He had a team of drunks up in the stands helping him with spotting.
Howard said He has the tape of Brent doing the play by play. Howard said sometimes He garbles the words. Brent said that's because he's hitting the vape pen and beers. Howard played the clip and Brent was talking about the weather and talking about the game. Brent was mumbling some of his words so Howard stopped to talk about that. It was a guy's name that He was pronouncing. Howard said He has to back it up and hear it again.
Howard said this is like Rupert Pupkin in his basement. Howard played a clip from The King of Comedy. Howard said that's Brent in his basement.
Shuli said that He asked Brent's fiancee if He does this often and He does. Howard goofed on Brent's delivery and did an impression of him for a second. Howard asked if He has anyone normal working for him there. He played more of Brent doing his announcing and slurring his words like a drunk.
Howard asked if He does a weather report too. Robin said He did comment on it at the beginning. Howard did more of his impression of Brent doing his play by play. Howard played more of Brent's audio and said He sounds exhausted in that. Robin said He is running out of steam. Howard did more of his impression of Brent slurring his words as He was doing the announcing.
Howard kept playing a clip of Brent saying ''Time's kicking down'' instead of ticking down. Howard said imagine sitting next to him while he's doing this. Robin asked if this is the first time Shuli went with him. Shuli said it is. He was trying to explain but Howard cut him off doing his Brent impression.
Howard said that was another history making announce that no one heard. Howard did more of his impression goofing on Brent.
Howard played a clip where Brent pronounced David Villa's name in an interesting way. Howard said maybe they can have Brent do it on their show one day. They can have him call a game. Howard said He has to take a break. He wished Brent luck with his career doing play by play. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said this is a great song. Howard said He has Aurora in there. Howard said that's a great name. He tried talking to her but her microphone was off. Howard said He discovered her on Girls when they played her version of ''Life on Mars.'' Howard asked if She did it for the show. She said it was recorded a long time ago actually. Howard asked if they asked to play it on the show. She said they did. Howard said He has heard a lot of cover versions of that song and her's is the best.
Robin asked where she's from because She has an accent. She said she's from Norway. Howard asked if her parents were proud of her going into music. She said they would be proud of whatever She did but they are proud. Howard asked how old She is. She said she's 20. Howard asked how old She was when She taught herself how to play piano. She said She was 6. She said She tried to learn to read music but She doesn't need to. Howard said his teacher killed himself so that ended his piano lessons. Howard said He never learned. She said He must have been a bad student.
Howard asked Aurora if She was a good student. She said She thinks She is good. She said 80 percent good. Howard said when She was 9 years old She started writing her own songs. She wrote ''I Had a Dream'' and it was about how tough life is. Howard said He thinks about how beautiful the world is and then He thinks about the shootings and how shitty the world is.
Howard said the way She was discovered is great but bad too. Howard said a friend posted a song She did on the internet. Aurora said that She only wanted her parents to hear her song. She didn't want anyone else to hear it because it was a song that sounded weird to her. She said She doesn't like the way She sounds in that song. Howard said this is an underhanded thing to do to someone by positing it publicly. Aurora said that She was discovered that way so that was the good part. Howard said He thinks She has a very unique voice. She wrote this song at 9 and it was called ''I Had a Dream.'' Howard said She gets signed and then She has to go out and perform live. Aurora said it felt like She was a cat trying to swim from Norway to America. She said that her mother had happiness and sadness at the same time when She signed.
Howard asked if her dream was to be known and a singer. She said She wanted to be an astronaut. She said she's 20 percent of the way here. Howard asked if She has flown a plane at all. She said She hasn't. She said She hovers a lot.
Howard said She never had this dream to be a big star. Howard said this is becoming a career for her though. He said that She has to perform live though so it's tough. Aurora said that's the tough part. Howard said She must be okay getting up and singing but when She has to talk that's tough. She said that it is scary to talk to a person. She said that She is fine now and She had some tea before coming in so she's fine. She said it doesn't feel bad performing now. She said it's like learning how to swim. She said it's not so scary when you know you're not dying.
Howard asked when She started performing. She said She started at 16. Howard asked where She performed first. She said She was in Oslo, Norway and it's like South by South West but smaller. She said She wasn't sure She was going to do it. She said She didn't have experience on stage. She said She did it and She got good reviews.
Howard said He heard her do her song and it was eerie. Howard said She has a keyboard player named Alf there. Howard talked to him for a few seconds. Howard asked if Aurora is single. She said She is but She might buy a cat or a mouse as a pet. Howard said He can imagine her traveling with a mouse.
Howard said Alf and Aurora are going to perform ''Life on Mars'' which is a cover of a David Bowie song. Howard asked who turned her on to Bowie. She said She thinks She saw a music video. She described it to Howard and He knew what She was talking about. Howard said He heard her performing this song on ''Girls.'' Howard asked them to perform the song after that.
After the song Howard said that was awesome. Howard said She casts an eerie spell when She sings. Howard said when She did the song Bowie was still alive. Howard asked if He ever heard it. Aurora said She doesn't know. Robin said She will go out on a limb and say that He would have liked it. Howard asked if She does a lot of cover versions in her act. She said She doesn't do a lot but She does some Bob Dylan songs. She said She likes his lyrics. She said He hates a lot of people too though. She said that most people love everyone but She likes that He doesn't like everyone. She said it suits him.
Howard asked if Aurora is a negative person. Aurora said She doesn't think so. She said She likes that Dylan doesn't have to use energy to like people. Howard asked if She ever met Dylan. Aurora said She met him in a dream once. She said She thinks He looked a bit like Jesus if He was wearing a nightgown. She said She doesn't remember the words but it was a nice meeting.
Howard asked if She does her own thing or does She have opening acts. Aurora said She has some opening acts but She does her own thing. Howard said Katy Perry likes her and posted about her on Twitter. Howard said She once had to apologize for not talking between songs on stage. Aurora said it's important for her that the fans know that She appreciates it a lot.
Howard asked if She was a popular kid growing up or was She the freaky musician. Aurora said She liked being with herself. Howard said He did too but only because He had no options. Howard said She had her music and interests so that's good.
Howard said that He wants to play some of her songs from her new release. Howard asked if She got a lot of attention from the Girls thing. She said She thinks so. Howard asked if She watched Girls to see how that worked. She said She did. Howard said it must be a big taste of fame. Aurora said it feels nice when people find any use for it. She said She did smile by herself when She saw it.
Howard thanked Alf for coming in to play with Aurora. Howard said She has a new single called ''I Went Too Far.'' Howard said He thinks she's on to something. He said her debut album is called ''All My Demons Greeting Me As A Friend'' and that's available now. Howard gave her a plug for her web site Aurora-Music.com. She didn't know what the hyphen was called. Howard said ''dash'' so She said She likes that.
Aurora told Howard that She does Transcendental Meditation so Howard talked to her about how he's been doing it since He was her age too. Howard asked if she's a vegan or anything. She said she's not but it is horrible the way they treat animals. Howard asked if She dresses herself. She said She does but her sister is a designer so She will help her once in a while. Howard said He has people who dress him.
Howard said he's going to play ''I Went Too Far''. He said He can't believe She is single. Aurora said She collects moths so that might be part of it. She said if She finds a dead one She puts it in a glass bottle. Howard asked Alf if Aurora is a real original. Alf said it is fun. He said He has seen her moths. He said She tried to feed him one once. Aurora said She had one in her mouth to see what it would be like. She doesn't recommend doing that though. Howard said she's into some weird stuff. Howard said He remembers that Trent Reznor was into weird stuff like that. He said She should do a music video with the dead moths in it. Aurora said She has wanted to do that. She said that She wants to direct a music video. Howard said she's the artist so She can do what She wants. Aurora said She wants to have a cannon with lots of dead bugs that it shoots out. Howard said she's on to something. Howard said if She had a cannon like AC/DC has on stage and She hits the audience with the dead bugs. He said that would be so great.
Howard asked if She likes cockroaches. She said She has had fake ones on stage with her. Howard asked about the necklace She has on and if that's supposed to be a bug. She said it can be. Aurora said it's more of a protection stone. She said She has people kiss it so it has many kisses on it. Howard said she's an original. Howard asked who else is into bugs like that. Aurora said She hopes there is another one out there who will be her soul mate. Howard said he's not sure who else other than him who is on her wavelength. Aurora she's only been alive for 20 years so She wants to meet more people and go with whoever. Howard said she's saying that she's open to any relationship with a woman or a man. She said with a cat or a mouse too. She said she's not sure if She likes kissing. She said it feels a bit strange. Howard said it's kind of gross. She said it's kind of like sharing a toothbrush. She said it's nice but there is something a bit strange as well. Howard said he's been thinking about that too. Aurora said as long as it's beautiful it's good.
Howard said the kissing thing resonates with him. He said He thinks it's hotter if a guy kisses without tongue. Aurora She likes that too. Howard said she's said it all. He said He feels like there is a whole world of Aurora to explore. She said He can get coffee with her and talk more.
Howard asked if this was comfortable for her today. Aurora said it was. She said Howard was very nice and everyone there is sweet. Howard asked what the rest of her day is like. Howard asked what she's doing. She said She has some meetings and a performance tonight. She has a show for her American management people. Howard asked if that's weird for her. She said it's really not. She said they care about music so it's not about money. She said they are into it. She said money is important but it's not everything. Howard asked if she's made any money yet. She said She has made more than 3 dollars. She said She bought a Ukulele recently and it was red. She said She doesn't like red so She painted it. Howard said He would glue dead moths to it for her.
Howard said Aurora will be on Stephen Colbert's show tomorrow too. Aurora told Howard She has a moving picture of a man really slowly building up a smile and she's been watching that for months. She said the smiling man is Colbert so she's been watching him without knowing it for months.
Howard asked if She has ever done anything mean to anyone. Aurora said She has a temper so She has. She said She can get stressed. She said She once yelled at Alf on stage. She said it was the stare of death more than a yelling. Howard said she's very sweet. Alf agreed. Aurora said everyone in her band is super sweet. Howard asked if there is anyone She hates. Aurora said there was a guy She met on the street who stepped on her foot when She was barefoot. She said She said sorry to him for being under his foot. Howard asked why she's barefoot on the street. Aurora said that's a story for another day. She said it's not a Monday story.
Howard said he's going to play this song She wrote when She was 9 or 10. Aurora said She wrote the verses around 14-16. She said that it is quite old and new at the same time. She said She watched someone She loves and cares for. She said it's written inside the stone you find on the ground. Howard said She lost him on that one. He said She had him with the moths but not this stone thing. She said that the name will be written inside the stone you pick up. She said She was with someone who didn't treat someone right. Howard said He just opened his stone and the name Oprah was in there. He thanked Aurora and Alf for coming in and played the song ''I Went Too Far'' as He went to break. Howard gave her some plugs for her web site and the album as well.
Howard said He loves that she said she met Bob Dylan in a dream. Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said she was great. He said she's like Sinead O'Connor but more folksy. Howard said she's only 20 and she's cute. Howard said she's got a cool look and He liked her a lot.
Tommy asked if He saw 60 Minutes last night. Howard said no. He said there's nothing good to watch during the summer. He said He was going to watch 60 Minutes but then He thought it was in rerun because it's summer. He said He watched shows He doesn't like watching instead. Tommy said that Hillary was on and she was talking about the Debbie Wasserman Schultz thing. Howard said they all have something going on. Howard said Trump and Hillary have it going on and people like to focus on that stuff.
Howard said there are controversies about Trump and Hillary and it's all stuff that has nothing to do with them being president. Howard said He didn't see 60 Minutes. He said He watched a movie that was fucked up but good. Howard said it's called Eye in the Sky. Howard said you're on the edge of your seat. Howard said it's all about dropping a bomb on a terrorist's home. Howard said He says yes. Howard said He won't give anything away but there's a little kid outside the house and they were wondering if you kill the girl or save the girl and not blow up the house. Howard said the girl is the cutest girl he's seen in his life but He was thinking ''Just blow up the god damn terrorist.'' Howard said He liked the movie.
Tommy said it's pissing him off about the guy who they say was radicalized but meanwhile He was cheering on 9/11 when He was 15 years old. He said it doesn't take much to radicalize someone like that. Howard said these assholes used to just kill themselves but now they're taking other people out with them. Howard said it used to drive him nuts when someone would jump off a building to kill themselves and they'd land on someone and then they'd live. Howard said terrorists build nothing and all they do is destroy. Howard said when they have a chance to do something they turn it to shit. Howard said if you want to hate America that's fine but build something of your own. He said they all suck dick.
Howard asked if she believes Roger should step down because of the controversy. She said no because they need to concentrate on other things. She said her pussy smells like Neil Cavuto's shit. Howard let her go after that.
Howard recapped the conversation and talked about the stuff they learned from the ugliest woman at FOX News.
Howard said He watched a movie about the life of Jesus. Howard said Anne Rice wrote it and He thought it would be good. Howard said Jesus is like 7 in the movie. He said He performed miracles to impress other kids. Howard said the movie was called Young Messiah.
Robin said she watched the David Spade and Adam Sandler movie and thought that was funny. Robin said she watched The Big Short too. She said she felt terrible because she was rooting for these guys to get the money but if they did that then the economy was tanking. Howard said He watched like 5 minutes of that and went back to Batman v Superman.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if He has had his prostate checked since he's peeing at night. Howard said He knows it's enlarged. The woman said she's a registered nurse and she was talking about how He doesn't want his pisser locking up. She said she takes care of veterans so she's just speaking their language.
Howard said Ralph checks his prostate every Thursday. He said He actually goes to the doctor every year and He tells him it's a little large but not out of the ordinary. The caller said that it's around his urethra and Howard said guys don't have urethras. She insisted they do. Howard said no masculine man calls it a urethra.
Howard let the caller go and said He was kind of surprised by the way she spoke. Howard said He thought she'd be more professional. Howard did an impression of her talking to him about various things like his pussy licker and his pisser.
Howard said He hates Pat Robertson. He said he's so hot for Melania Trump. Howard said you have to hear him talking about how hot she is. Howard played a clip of Pat talking about Melania being absolutely gorgeous. He mentioned it a few times during the clip.
Howard did his impression of Robertson talking about Melania. Howard did that mixed with the caller's crazy description of his urethra. Howard had pat talking about rubbing communion bread on his cock and things like that. He had him describing Melania in detail and thinking that she's not wearing panties. He had Pat talking about Melania being shaven or not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said He was watching the Leslie Stahl interview with Hillary Clinton and she's hot. Howard said she used to look really hot when she was younger. Howard said they have the Barbara Walters lens on her now. The caller asked Robin which Wack Packer she would procreate with if she had to repopulate the world. Howard said lets not get into that right now.
Howard played a clip of Shuli interviewing High Pitch Erik about Marfan Mike and Erik saying no way she should be in. Erik wanted Shuli to have Mike call him to apologize to him. Howard said Mike picked on Erik in school so Erik is upset about that and wants an apology. Howard said it's evidently a big thing.
Howard said Erik thinks he's smarter than mike. He claims He graduated before Mike so that means he's smarter. He was a year ahead of Mike though so that's why He graduated. Shuli asked Erik if He would compete against him in a game. Erik said He would as long as there's no punishment. Howard said maybe the winner gets to fuck Donnie Wahlberg.
Howard asked what high school had High Pitch Erik and Marfan Mike. He said maybe it was Lead Paint High where all of their walls were painted with lead paint. He went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said they redesigned HowardStern.com. Howard said they had a soft launch and He didn't make a big deal out of it. Mariann said she loves it. She said you can play a game where you put your name in and you get a Wack Pack name. Howard said it's so dumb but it's a Wack Pack Name generator. Howard said He started doing it and Beth was like Dickless Goddess. Mariann said she's Disgraced Cocksmith. Howard said you can get your Wack Pack name on the web site. Howard said He has to interpret for her. Mariann said she gets so nervous. Howard had to hang up on her.
Howard played a phony phone call Richard made to an internet radio show where He said He had a question but his question was ''What are your thoughts on my question?'' The host got pissed at Richard and yelled at him for not asking a question.
Howard said Trump brought in Mike Pence too. Howard asked if He can talk to him. Trump said He can for a second. Howard said hello and Pence said hi and Trump cut him off saying that's about all He can say. Howard asked Pence more questions and he'd start to answer and Trump would cut him off and answer for him.
Howard would try to ask Pence questions during the interview and Trump would only allow him to give one word answers.
Howard asked Trump if he'll be ready on day 1. Trump sad He will be so ready. He said He has done so much and built so many incredible buildings. He said He knows how to run the United States. He said on day one he'll blow up the White House. He said He has great demo guys who are in ISIS. He said they're going to turn the White House.
Howard said he's going to open up the newspaper and see what's in there. Howard said Tim Kaine is Hillary Clinton's running mate. Howard and Trump talked about that for a short time.
Howard asked about this Pokemon Go app and what He thinks about that. Trump said He thinks they should have a black man Go and a Hispanic Man Go where you throw balls at them and catch them.
Howard asked Pence to jump in about ISIS. Pence said a few words and Trump cut him off again. Howard asked Trump how he'd feel if ISIS blew up the Eiffel tower. Trump said he'd be fine with that. He said it's not a real building anyway. He said that it doesn't have the Trump name on it either.
Howard asked what he's going to do if Hillary win. Trump said he's planning a coup. He said He will take that White House one way or another. He said He needs Ivanka in there one way or another. He asked if Howard saw him grab her hip the way He did at the convention.
Howard asked Trump if it's true he's getting intelligence briefings full of secret stuff. Trump said He is. He said he's learned everything. He said He read that Barrack Obama only has one testicle. He said that there's also a room at the White House that's just used for farts and it smells terrible.
Trump told Howard He loves Disney Princesses and his wife is like a Princess. He said Pence's wife is a 4. Pence agreed when Trump told him to.
Howard asked Trump to give his thoughts on some women in the news. Howard asked if he's ever given anyone a zero. Trump said Ruth Bader Ginsberg is a zero. He went through some other women and talked about Megyn Kelly. He said He loves Megyn. He said they have a spotty relationship but she scares him. He said He wants her to tie him up. Howard said He heard that Roger Ailes might run his campaign now that he's leaving FOX news.
Howard asked Trump about his Wheel of Minorities that He has there. Trump said He doesn't know much about minorities so this is a way to learn about each culture. Howard had him spin the wheel. Trump said it landed on Haitians. He said this is what it would look like if a whole country was made to look like Detroit. Trump spun the wheel and came up with Puerto Ricans. Trump talked about that and Howard tried to talk to Pence about that but Trump cut him off again.
Trump spun the wheel again and came up with Koreans. Trump said that they eat dogs in the south. He said the north does too. He said they're also great at the rub and tug.
Howard had Trump spin the wheel again. Trump landed on Jews so He spent a minute talking about how you need them for the media. Howard had him spin it one more time after that. Trump landed on Japanese. Trump said He calls them ''other Chinese.''
Howard had him spin the wheel one more time. Trump landed on the Mexicans. He said He doesn't have a strong opinion on them. He said he's actually going to burn them all and build a wall out of the trucks they ban because they were used in Nice, France.
Howard wrapped up with fake Trump and Pence. Trump let Pence say a couple of words. Pence said that He only hits him when He deserves it. Howard asked who is hotter, Ivanka his daughter or his wife Melania. Trump said He created Ivanka so she's hotter. Howard wished him luck with everything and let the go. They went to break after that.
Howard said Denis Leary still smokes. He said He talked to him about that. Robin said someone she saw still smokes even though they have cancer. Howard said you might as well if you're dying. Robin said they were under treatment and maybe not dying. Howard said He likes the people who smoke through their blow hole.
Howard said Wolfie went to the Republican National Convention. He got Wolfie on the phone and Robin asked if he'll be going to the DNC. Wolfie said He won't be because He was very busy last week. He also went to the Gathering of the Juggalos. Howard asked if He got good tape there. Wolfie said He couldn't help but get good tape. He said you can do anything you want there. He said He ran into a guy who had a backpack full of black tar heroin.
Howard said Wolfie didn't get inside the RNC. He said he's kind of glad He didn't get inside. Howard asked what the mood was like outside. Wolfie said it was hostile. He said they hate anyone from the Democratic side. He said they hate Hillary and Obama. Howard asked how close He was able to get. Wolfie said they had it all guarded within 3 blacks. Howard said He heard the cops were dressed like soldiers. Wolfie said they were.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking to Wolfie about why He was there and talking about Obama. Howard said the guy sounds like a homeless guy. Howard said He can't even make out his race or anything. He said he's not sure what He is. Wolfie said He thinks it was a drunk accent. Howard asked if He collects moths.
Howard played another clip of a guy who was speaking in tongues and interpreting what He was saying. Howard said he's really bad at speaking in tongues. Howard said it's like he's speaking in tongues in Klingon. Howard asked what speaking in tongues is anyway. Robin said you can basically make up anything you want. Howard played more of the guy speaking in tongues and interpreting his own nonsense.
Howard had another clip of a guy describing Hillary Clinton and calling her names. That guy also gave Wolfie the terms He uses for black people. He said that the n-word is over used so he's using other terms like porch monkey.
Howard said there will never be peace in the world. Robin said there will be. Howard said Sal worships that guy by the way.
Howard had a clip of a guy talking about how transgender people are mentally ill. The guy said that they should be given treatments like testosterone or something.
Howard said Wolfie found a black Trump supporter who hates Hillary. Howard played that clip next. The guy said that Hillary is a lying bitch. He was asked to give a one word answer but He gave a couple of sentences. Howard said He saw some black dudes there in the audience but most of them were holding up white people. Howard said when you spot one there it's like spotting a unicorn.
Howard played another clip of a guy telling Wolfie about his biblical prayer horn. Wolfie asked him to play it for him and He did. Howard said the guy said it's a deer antler. Howard said that can't be. Wolfie said it was like 3 feet long.
Howard said there was a Baba Booey at the RNC. He played a clip where someone yelled it out a couple of times during a broadcast.
Howard played a clip of a guy who said He would ass fuck Hillary Clinton. Wolfie was asking about how the guy would bang her if He had the chance and that's what his answer was.
Howard asked how people have the time to go to these things and hang. He asked if they just have no job. Robin asked if they're just independently wealthy. Wolfie said He doesn't think they were wealthy or anything.
Howard played a clip of a woman talking about how Hillary is the devil incarnate. She said she's possessed. She was also saying that Obama wants to destroy America and he's a radical islamist.
Howard had one guy who said that He pees on the seat in women's bathrooms to protest the transgender laws. The guy said He yells out ''I'm transgenering'' when He does it.
Howard played another clip of a guy with a really weird voice. Howard said he's kind of like Slingblade. Howard said he's their new announcer. Howard said He never realized how articulate Slingblade sounds compared to this guy.
Howard played a clip of a guy named Steve King talking about the power they have but not making a lot of sense talking about it.
Howard played a couple more quick clips and thanked Wolfie for doing that. Wolfie said He heard here is a march on Washington coming up that the Juggalos are going to be doing. He said they're going to protest being called a gang by the FBI. Howard said He loves that. He told Wolfie He did a good job there. He said they have to send him to the march too. Howard said whenever something weird is going on Wolfie will be there.
Howard said He pictures this woman looking like Brent in a wig. Howard asked if she wears a dress to work. She said she wears scrubs to work during the week. Howard said he'd have a huge rack if He was transgender. Howard said it would distract them from thinking about her being dude.
Howard asked what she weighs now. She said she weighs 220 right now but she was even more when she called last time. Howard asked if she sits when she pees. She said she does.
Howard asked what size bra she wears. She said she wears a 38-C. Howard asked if she's going to get her cock cut off. Jamie said she will eventually. She said she has to lose weight before she can get it done. Howard asked if she got implants. She said she was on hormones and they just grew. She said her breasts just came in with hormones. Howard said it's the fat too. Howard said Benjy has like a B+.
Howard asked if a guy has ever boned her. Jamie said she doesn't do that. She said she'll blow her friend. Howard asked how she gets off. Jamie said they do some things. Howard asked what she does to cum. Jamie said there isn't much there but He will touch her down there. She said there is a whole group of men who are on to that but she doesn't like that part of her body.
Howard asked if here is any ass play involved. Jamie said she's not into that. Howard asked Jamie if she gets naked in front of the other guy. Jamie said yes. She said the guy will see her cock but she hates that part of her body. Howard asked if she gets extra stinky back there in this heat. She said she doesn't think so.
Howard said Jamie basically gives hand jobs and blow jobs and the guy blows her too. Jamie said that it becomes a very small part of your body when you take hormones. She said that she's been on them for like 15 years. She said everyone tell her to keep her penis because she's going to be 56 this year. She said being transgender you're just not happy with that part of your body. Howard said He has so many questions. He said He doesn't think she should cut her penis off. Jamie said she did set a goal of 50 as a cut off date and now she's going to be 56. She said if she can't do it by the end of the year then she won't do it.
Howard asked if she has to shave at all. She said a little bit but not that much because of the hormones. Howard asked if she has to shave her ass hair. She said there isn't that much there. She said she doesn't shave down there.
Howard said he's glad that she got a job. Jamie said that she was underselling herself and the guy who hired her said He was hiring her because of her being transgender too. Howard wished her luck with the job.
Howard asked Fred if he's shocked. Fred said he'd like to know what WNBC sold for. Howard said it was 50 percent of what it was after they left. Howard said He thought regular radio was doing okay. He said they should go back and make a killing.
Howard talked about how Benjy once called him into a meeting about starting work later. Howard said he's nuts. Robin said He came to her once and asked if they could start later.
Howard asked Benjy what he's doing to get more rest. Benjy said he's doing Transcendental Meditation now and He was very depressed and a lot of that has gone away. He said He never felt suicidal but He felt hopeless about life. He said He was in a really bad place. Howard said He didn't know that but He can see why He sees life being hopeless. Benjy said He started Prozac in January too. He said he's doing Transcendental Meditation as well. Benjy said he's trying to reduce things now. He said he's not sure what's working but something is helping. He said he's also doing morning pages every day too. Howard said He should go to a psychiatrist. Benjy said He does that too.
Benjy talked about possibly writing a letter to Howard but Howard begged him not to do that. He said He refuses to read it. He doesn't want it. Howard said write him a bit and not notes. Howard said his bits will be appreciated.
Howard did an impression of Benjy composing his letter to him. Benjy said He didn't understand how bad depression can get and now He does understand it. Howard asked when the hopelessness started. Benjy said it was last year or so. Howard said He doesn't want to be in his therapy. He said He doesn't want him saying negative things about him in therapy. Benjy said there's a lot of positive too. Howard asked how he's negative to him. Benjy said He worries about how it can affect his career. He said he's hurt by things Howard says or does. Howard said he's a dick wad. Robin said it's all in his mind and it has nothing to do with Howard.
Howard said that side effects of Prozac are what Benjy has with the blotches and skin conditions. Howard said He looked over at Benjy one day and He was crying. He said He knew something was up. Howard said He wasn't going to acknowledge that something was up. Benjy said He went to Robin's apartment when she invited him over. Benjy said her cat started hitting him. Robin said there's only so much you can do for him. Robin said she felt bad about the whole hospital thing so she had him over. Howard said Robin was dying and didn't want to see Benjy.
Howard asked him to leave him out of this whole thing. Howard said He is the reason Benjy is alive. Benjy said he's sorry and He will send a note. Howard said He is so nice to Benjy. Benjy said he's nice to Howard too. Howard said He should just think about the job He gave him. Howard said He has some beef with him and it's driving him crazy. Robin said it's just something in Benjy's head. Benjy said He has loving feelings for him too. Howard said He should up his dosage.
Howard asked what the worst thing is that He said about him in therapy. Benjy said that He may have said that something Howard said hurt him. Howard said he's so creepy. Howard said the thing is that He has only done good for him. Benjy asked if Howard talks about his parents in therapy and talks about negative things. Howard said they're his parents so that's different. Howard said he's not his parents. Howard said He never talks about Benjy in therapy. He said He talked about Robin almost dying but he's never talked about Benjy.
Howard asked Benjy what he's saying in therapy. Benjy said he's jealous of his hair. Howard said he's going to straighten him right out. Howard said there's no one better to him than him. Benjy said that He doesn't say negative things about him. Howard said he's not talking to him anymore. Howard said He doesn't want to be in his therapy sessions.
Howard and Benjy went back and forth about the therapy thing for a few minutes. Howard told Benjy to keep him out of therapy. Howard said they should play a commercial and get to the news. He asked Fred to play something. Fred played some music so He could do a live commercial read. They went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Benjy's therapist who was calling from next to the train tracks. As Howard asked a question the therapist jumped in front of the train. Howard said Benjy is so annoying. Howard said he's glad He upped his dose of Prozac. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked why these people blame Howard for not being successful. Benjy said He doesn't blame Howard. Howard said He does think he's holding him back. Benjy said He doesn't. He said maybe subconsciously He does. Howard said He has bad mouthed him in therapy. Howard said now he's ruined his day.
King asked Howard about selling his father's house in Upstate New York. He said He needs some advice. He said he's asking about $800,000 for this house with no mortgage. He said all of these houses are comparable. He said He has a black realtor and she has 2 houses around there for sale. He said all of the others for sale have been sold by white realtors. He asked if He should stick with the black realtor. Howard asked if she's light or dark skinned. King said she's like Beyonce color. He said she's darker than cardboard. Howard said He has to get out of this conversation. Howard said color doesn't matter. Howard said she's either a good broker or not. King said his beef isn't with her, He said it's with the people. Howard said He has to go. He said He has such dumb questions.
Howard said it's time for some news. He said that the people watching them are charity people who donated to a John Varvatos charity. Howard said He has trouble saying no to him. He said He tried to put a stop to these things but He can't say no to John. Howard said He should say no to people observing him but He just can't.
Howard said the woman who is in is beautiful. Howard said this is Lee and Christina. Lee said they bonded over Howard. Howard said she is really beautiful. Lee was holding her hand and Howard said He can't let go. Howard said He must be afraid of letting her go. Howard said He looks like he's in shock. Howard asked how He got her. Lee said they're both fans and she said that Howard and Robin raised her. Christina said Howard is in her age range. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's thirty something. Howard asked if they trash him in therapy at all. Christina said of course not. Howard said He wouldn't cheat on her.
Howard asked if Lee is a millionaire. He said He is. He said he's in computer chips. Howard asked where He met her. Lee said they met at a party. Howard asked if He talked about how He made his millions. Christina said He didn't. She said she kept him waiting a month or two before they slept together. Lee said it was unbelievable when they got there. Howard said she's hot and she's great in bed. Lee said she's smart too. Howard said don't ruin the fantasy.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Lee and Christina about their kids and their life together. They're separated by 17 years. Lee said she told him that they were the same spread as Howard and Beth. Robin said that they're actually 19 years. Howard said that's enough out of Robin.
Howard moved on and had Robin start her news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Robin said they don't have time for this.
Robin started off with a story about John Kerry talking about how your refrigerator is as dangerous as the threat of terrorism. Robin said He says that refrigerators are emitting carbon monoxide poison into your home. Robin said he's all for getting rid of Hydrofluorocarbon . Robin said that you might as well just go on a trip because your house is killing you.
Robin read about a baby being born with Microcephaly which is a side effect of the Zika virus. Howard said he's claiming all rights to that kid when He grows up.
Robin read that someone has collected all 142 Pokemon in the Pokemon Go game. Robin had some music for the Pokemon game for Howard to play. Howard asked how old the guy is who got all 142. Robin said he's in his 30s and He got a job out of it. Robin said he's going to go around the world to find more and he's being underwritten by a travel company. Howard said He was so worried about making a living he'd never have time to do stuff like this.
Howard asked Lee about how He got into the computer chip thing. Lee told him about what He does and how He got into it years ago. He said he's still doing it and making good money doing it. Howard asked a few more questions about their sex life and things like that. Howard asked if they have to use Viagra. Christina said they have experimented but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Howard asked if she would bring a woman in. She said she would but it hasn't happened yet. She said she did experiment in college. Howard told Robin to hold off on the news. He talked to Christina more about the girl in college thing. Christina said she did some threesome things with other girls more than once. They talked about going to strip clubs together once or twice a year. Howard said He did that with Beth once but He got jealous and never did it again.
Howard asked Robin to get him off of that subject and read him some news. Robin read a story about police in Alaska saying there's nothing illegal about a woman driving around in her car with her dead husband. Robin said she had her husband kept in an aluminum coffin and drove him around as a moving wake. Robin said someone called it in and a mortuary took it. Robin said He will get some kind of burial now.
Robin read a story about some baseball players who were inducted into the baseball hall of fame. Robin had some audio of Ken Griffy Jr. talking about being inducted. Robin had audio of Mike Piazza talking about his induction too. Howard asked Christina more about the threesomes and how the girls seduced her. She said they were friends. She also told Howard that she took care of Lee before they came in this morning. Howard asked if she blew him. She did. Howard said she is some catch. Howard asked how a guy left her. Christina said that she just wasn't enough. Howard said that's crazy. Christina apologized to Robin for hijacking her news. Robin said it's fine. She said Howard will just be there until Noon.
Robin got back to her news and had another Mike Piazza clip for Howard to play. He started speaking Italian while talking about his dad. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Caitlyn Jenner appearing at the RNC last week. Robin had audio of her speaking there. Robin had some audio of Trump speaking too.
Robin read about the DNC that's going on this week. Robin had some news stories about that. Robin read about how Michael Moore is saying that Trump will be the next President of the United States.
Robin had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about her running mate Tim Kaine. Robin read about what some people are saying she needs to do to get attention. Robin had audio of someone talking about how maybe putting Bill Clinton on stage will help her out.
Robin read a story about Yahoo being sold for $4.83 billion. Robin said that Verizon is buying them.
Robin said Tom Cruise's name came up when a suicide bomber was being investigated. Robin said this person called the church of Scientology asking if there were any bombings He could do because He likes doing them and He was chanting and mentioned Tom's name in the chant.
Robin read a story about Katt Williams being arrested after getting into a fight. Robin said that is under investigation.
Robin read about Leslie Jones getting blasted on Twitter last week after the new Ghostbusters movie came out. Robin said Leslie is back on Twitter now. Howard asked if He should try doing the same thing. Robin read about the box office takes for the weekend and wrapped up.
Howard thanked Lee and Christina for coming in and donating to that charity. Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about seeing Jeff the Drunk is on the phone. He said he's been crying like a bitch about not getting on the air. Howard picked up and asked what his probe is. Howard said they were on vacation for 2 weeks and he didn't get on the week after. Howard said he can't be on all the time. Howard said his phones are pretty full. Howard said when he whines about it it's embarrassing. Howard said they have other listeners to get to. Howard said Jeff has nothing to do. Robin said they'll find out what he has to talk about is uninteresting. Jeff said bullshit to that.
Howard asked Jeff what he has for them. Jeff said first he has to talk about his tan, he has to talk about his arm and his eye. Howard said Jeff gets all blotchy and red when he tans. Jeff said he's got a tan like George Hamilton. Howard asked what happened with the girl who was supposed to bang him. Jeff said she was there. Howard asked if she banged him. Jeff said not per se. Howard asked what she did. Jeff said nothing happened.
Howard said Jeff called yesterday but he didn't get to him. He said he wanted to talk about his tan. Howard said it looks like he has a huge rash. Howard asked if anyone has seen this tan. Jeff said it is a tan. Howard said you'd think he has the cure for Polio. He said he just has a tan. Howard said no tan is going to make him look better.
Jeff said he went to the doctor yesterday and they asked if he was Mexican. Howard asked why they would ask that. Jeff said it's the tan. Howard said there's no way you'd think he was Mexican. Howard asked Jeff what he was at the doctor for. Jeff said he's getting a cataract taken out of his right eye.
Howard picked up on Jeff's Lump and asked if he's friends with the cataract. The Lump said he is. He congratulated Jeff on passing out in the sun too. Jeff said he sunbathes for an hour and a half for almost a month. Howard said how about bathing for real. Jeff said he showers every day. Howard said what Jeff basically did was lay down in the sun. That's it. Robin said Jeff found something that he likes to do. Howard asked The Lump what he does. The Lump said he hopes he gets skin cancer so he has a friend. The Lump also said that you wouldn't think Jeff is Mexican because Mexicans actually work. Jeff said that's a good one.
Shuli came in and said that Jeff is on his third Periscope account. His second one was canceled. He said he's pissed people off and their purpose is to get him kicked off. Shuli said there are grown adults who are upset that he has blocked them so they create chaos and havoc in his life. The Lump said he's all for it. Jeff said he's a dumb fuck. Shuli said he does public and private scopes now. Shuli said there are an elite few who get picked to do the private ones. Howard said he heard he has a lot of junk at his place because he has so much stuff being sent to him. Shuli said he was near tears because he had so many boxes there. He said he's got so many useless things there. The Lump said he's a tan hoarder.
Howard said Jeff can't get out of his house because there's so much stuff there. Shuli said he has a follower who sends him pizza every Friday. He said his fans paid for a new toilet and sent it over. They had someone come to install it too.
Shuli said they send money over to keep it running too. He said he doesn't have Wi-Fi there so he has to use data on his phone. Howard asked what it costs him. Shuli said it's like $600-900 a month. Howard said he just saw the tan. He said it's the funniest thing he's ever seen. He said he's beet red. Howard said look at that tan. Robin asked if he's really bragging about that. Howard said his nose is all red from it. Howard said his nose looks like it has another nose on it. The Lump said it looks like a dog's dick.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who told him that she saw a picture of Jeff's penis that Captain Janks sent to her. Howard said never mind that and hung up on her.
Howard asked Jeff what's going on with his arm being removed. Jeff said he went to see the doctor and the doctor told him he's not taking that arm off because he's never taken one off in his life. He said the doctor asked to take a look at his arm and he told him no and thanked him for wasting his time. Howard said that was a fascinating story. He said now he's pissed that the New York health care sucks. Howard asked what kind of doctor he went to. Jeff said it's his Medicaid doctor. Howard said they have specialities. Howard said you have to go to a specialist. Jeff said it was a specialist. Robin asked what he was a specialist in. Jeff said he was an orthopedic doctor. He said his other doctor told him to go there. He said that it's all a scam.
Shuli said Jeff thought they were going to give him a bionic arm or something. Jeff asked Howard to help him out with this. Howard said he doesn't know anything about this. He doesn't know what to do with his arm. Howard said if he helped him out with everything he wants he'd be bankrupt. Howard said it would all be his fault when something went wrong too. Howard said he's not jumping into that pool of disaster.
Howard said everything Jeff has is from him. He said he gets enough from him. He said they should find someone to pretend to be a doctor and shove a mannequin arm on him. Jeff said he doesn't want that. Howard said he's going to give him a woman mannequin arm. He said it'll have nails and it won't work. Howard said they'll do that and add like 8 arms and make him into a human spider. Howard said they could make one arm a ski pole. He said they could give him a spatula arm and an ISIS flag arm. He said they could have a selfie stick on one arm for his Periscope. Jeff said he could jerk off with all 8 arms. Howard said they could have one with an umbrella too.
Howard was doing Jeff's voice but Jeff said he doesn't do it right. Howard said he doesn't care. He asked Shuli what went on with the woman who visited. Shuli said it turned into less than 24 hours and it was going to be a week. Jeff was trying to tell Howard something but he didn't understand what he was saying. Howard said this woman was claiming that she fell in love with Jeff on Periscope. Shuli said she made him a stop on her way here. Shuli said that he drove her to his place out there. He said Jeff wanted to do a show with her as soon as she got to his house. Shuli said he drove her there to do this for the Stern Show and Jeff got pissed when he asked him not to do Periscope. Howard said he's addicted to that Periscope. Howard said he kind of has to agree with Jeff on this because he's there to see what Jeff does in his life.
Shuli said the girl was very cute and very nice. He said a fan sent him some Viagra and Cialis in the mail. He said she was drinking pretty early. He said it ended up that they never closed the deal. He said she brought gifts for Jeff. Howard asked what her angle was. Shuli said he thinks she just couldn't go through with it. Shuli asked Jeff if he thought he was going to get it from her. Jeff said sort of. He said there was no chemistry there. Shuli said that he took his pants off at one point. Jeff said he got into his underwear. Howard said that's his best look. Howard said he imagines his underwear being all pee stained.
Howard said he had a girl there at his house. Shuli said he had his place cleaned by someone too. Shuli said he was asking where his god damn shoes were when he was getting it cleaned. Howard said this is a crazy scenario. Shuli said the embedded they're doing is about the people who watch him on Periscope. He said there are people who get banned and they want to come back. He said he thinks that Jeff did them the biggest favor banning them.
Howard said they could give Jeff a vacuum cleaner arm attachment. He asked if he can tie his shoes. Jeff said he can't. He said a one armed doctor showed him a trick. Howard said he thought he said ''a one armed dark dude.'' Howard asked how he puts the toothpaste on his brush. Jeff said he puts the tube up to his mouth to undo the lid. Howard said he feels bad for him. He said he really has to go. He asked if that's okay. Jeff said it's okay.
Howard said he has some people who want to talk to Jeff. The first caller said he thinks they can go another month without Jeff. He said he's Jeff the Bore. He said he's not that great. The caller said he got a chick in his place and she runs like hell.
Howard took another call from a guy who didn't pick up. Howard said they should talk to Jeff in another month. Howard asked what his fantasy is with him because he sounds bummed out now. Jeff mumbled something and Howard let him go after that. They played him out with a song parody. They went to break after that.
Howard said he could have throat cancer. He said he could have something wrong with him. Howard said he didn't know what it was so he figured out that he eats yogurt every day and maybe it was that. Howard said then he thought it might be the coffee or exercise. Howard said he stopped exercising and drinking coffee and kept eating yogurt. Howard said for a while it persisted. Howard said then he was taking baby aspirin. He cut that out too. Howard said he cut out the coffee and something else. Robin reminded him it was exercise. Howard said eventually his throat cancer went away.
Robin said Howard was getting an upper respiratory infection around that time. Howard said he stopped everything and then exercised. He said no more throat cancer. Howard said then 2 weeks ago he wanted to drink coffee. He said Beth drinks it and never has a problem. Howard said she told him to just have it. He said he took three sips and he was clearing his throat. Howard said it was the coffee. He said his throat has a reaction to it. Robin asked how he could drink it for months. She said he built up his hypochondria. Howard said his throat cancer came back from drinking it. Howard said he's sitting there thinking about the coffee. Howard said he hasn't gone back to the baby aspirin either. He said his doctors tell him to take it. He said things were getting so bad he was going to call the kids to say goodbye to them.
Howard said he was told to drink tea instead. Robin said he could drink Netta leaf tea like Aurora. Howard said he loved her. He said Beth heard her and loved her on the show too. Howard said he'd have her on every week to talk about her live. Howard said he downloaded her album (''All My Demons Greeting Me As A Friend'') yesterday. He said he turned Ralph on to her too. Howard said he played the David Bowie song for Ralph and he liked that. Howard said he was fascinated by her. Howard talked about some of the strange answers she had for his questions. He said when she did ''Life on Mars'' she is so talented.
Howard said he hopes she comes back one day. Howard said she met JD out in the hall. He said the two of them were having a conversation. Howard had audio of that. Howard played the clip and JD was saying he's never been to Norway. Aurora told him it's very nice but the Chinese food isn't very good. JD asked if she had fun on the show. She said it was the best. JD asked if she's going to be hanging out the rest of the day. She said she has a few things to do. JD said he won't be doing much either. She said maybe he can drink tea and watch the birds. JD said he doesn't go outside much. JD said it's hot out. Aurora said it's never hot in Norway. They said their goodbye's shortly after that.
Howard said that was awesome. Robin said they should go on tour with that act. Howard said she has a song on her album that he really likes. He said they have remix of the song he played on the air. He said he's real high on her. Howard said she wears this thing on her neck that she has people kiss so she can capture their kisses. She doesn't like kissing though. He said she feels like it's like sharing a toothbrush. Howard said she's right about that.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he would ever drink his coffee cold. Howard said he was thinking about that. He said maybe chemically it would be different. Howard said he drinks hot water and doesn't have a problem though. Howard said it's as hot as coffee. Howard thanked her for the call.
Howard said he might have to live without coffee. Robin said she doesn't think it's the coffee. Howard said he should try pouring it in his ass like Robin did. Howard asked if she dog that caffeine rush doing that. Robin said they do say it can affect you.
Howard said he loved Aurora yesterday. He said people seemed to like her too according to the email. Howard read through some of that email. The fans liked her interview and some of the things that were going on like Benjy laughing at some of the things she said. Howard played her version of ''Life on Mars'' that she performed yesterday. Howard said this really gets him.
After the song Howard said he can't write a song. He said he has no idea what she's singing about. Robin said she thinks she knows. She explained it to Howard and he wondered how she got that. Robin had a whole explanation for the song and Howard said he doesn't get it. Howard said Bowie explained it once and said it was a sensitive young girl's reaction to the media. Howard said he could never write something like that. Howard said that's currently the number one song to hang yourself to. He said it's depressing to him. Howard sang the song like she did. He said he has to read the lyrics to get it maybe.
Howard said she's the only person who has spoken at a convention that has smelled Richard Christy's ass. Howard said Baba Booey has become a big part of everything. It's in sports too. Howard said it was the talk of the town. He said on FOX News they mentioned it was a Howard Stern shout out. Howard played that clip where they talked about the big moment in Stern history.
Howard said Baba Booey has become part of the lexicon. Robin said it has. Howard said it pops up on the news all the time too. He played a clip of a news report about the sand fire in California. They interviewed a guy who threw in a Baba Booey during and interview. Howard said Hillary Clinton is going to sing La Cunte Calda in her acceptance speech.
Howard played another news clip where they did a report about a store selling all of their pieces of vinyl and someone should call Baba Booey.
Howard had some Baba Booey shout outs from a golf tournament. Howard said that has to be like the 20th anniversary of the Baba Booey thing. Howard said that he was telling them about buying animated cells. Howard said Gary told him that he loved Baba Booey. Howard said he told him he was a fucking maniac because it was Baba Louie. Howard said Gary argued with him. He said he was collecting pictures and he didn't know the name of the character he liked.
Fred said that happened on July 6, 1990. Howard said he'll do the math. He figured out how many years it's been since then. Howard took a while to do the math. He figured out it was 26 years. Howard explained how he does the math the very long way. Howard said he is very intelligent when it comes to that. He said he did that without pen or paper. He said that's an advanced way of getting there.
Howard said Gary was lying if he thought that Baba Louie was his favorite character. Robin said it seems he didn't know much about cartoons.
Howard said Gary went on Twitter and thanked Sarah for the Baba Booey shout out. Howard said it's pointing out how much of an idiot Gary is and he thanked her for that. Robin said he's like Jon Hein and he has to just adopt it. Howard said Gary should not like Baba Booey. Robin said when she met Gary's mother she said ''I'm Baba Booey's mother.'' Howard said Gary fucked up his thank you on Twitter. He wrote ''thanks you'' instead of thank you. Howard said those big fingers can't handle that little keyboard. Howard said he told Gary to take a typing class years ago and Gary refused. He said he pecks away at those keys with two fingers. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks the Baba Booey last night has to be the highest profile. Howard said the one with Peter Jennings and the OJ Simpson thing was bigger. The caller said this was a legitimate one with a legitimate person. Howard said he's right about that. Howard said he's waited 26 years for that. He said Sarah is a funny, funny woman. Howard said that would be like ISIS saying Baba Booey. Robin said if the President did that when he was taking his oath of office that would be big too.
Howard played another clip from a baseball game where a fan was yelling out Baba Booey after every pitch. One of the announcers said he loves it when they do that.
Robin said she was reading about the Bowie song ''Life on Mars'' and he wrote lyrics to a French song and she had no idea. Then Paul Anka used the same music for a song. Howard said Robin is referring to the song Life on Mars that Bowie wrote. Howard said it was based on a French song. Fred said they asked him to write the lyrics first but he said no. He used some of the chord changes to write his own song. Then Paul Anka used the song for ''My Way.'' Howard said he doesn't understand. Fred said some French dude wrote the music and they asked Bowie to write the lyrics. Anka took the song and wrote My Way. Bowie took the chord changes and wrote his own song. Fred said people back then ripped each other off all the time.
Howard asked Fred to play ''My Way'' and the other song so they can hear how they sound the same. Fred played ''My Way'' but it was a version where Sinatra was talking. Fred tried to find one that was just a studio version. Howard asked how it's the same. Fred said it's that descending thing. Fred played the ''Life on Mars'' and sang My Way to the music and it was the same chord progression. Robin said she never heard that. Howard said he never would have.
Gary came in and said he has Bowie talking about the song in 1997. Howard read what Bowie said the song was about.
Howard said that he doesn't get why Gary thanked Sarah about the Baba Booey thing. Gary said it's a rallying cry for the show. Howard asked Gary if he really thought Baba Louie was his favorite. Gary said it was one of his favorites. Howard said he doesn't get it. Gary said that the other character called him Baba Boy at times. Howard said it was Baba Louie. He said he thinks Gary bought that cell and he just thought it was cool and it wasn't his favorite. Howard said that would be like Gary calking it Batman and Robert. Howard said he doesn't buy that he was one of his favorites. He said he's sorry but he doesn't buy it. Gary said he doesn't have to be sorry.
Howard asked where the Baba Louie cell is. Gary said it's in the attic. Howard said his wife made him take them all down.
Howard played a clip of someone yelling out Baba Booey during a live interview on a Chicago TV show. Howard said it's all over the place. Robin said 100 years from now people will use it and they won't know where it came from. Howard said that will be the one thing that they won't know where it came from.
Howard played a phony phone call the guys made to a store using clips of Gary talking about animated cells and buying and selling them. They had Gary asking what a Baba Louie goes for and confusing the guy going back and forth with Baba Booey or Baba Louie.
Howard played a clip from a FOX News show where a guy mentioned Baba Booey. Howard said that Baba Booey is really out there. He said Sarah brought it to the DNC last night. Howard played another Baba Booey from a news report. Then he played another Baba Booey that a guy yelled out during a life report on a news program. Howard said it's all over the place.
Howard played a Baba Booey song parody and then another Baba Booey shout out on CNN. Howard said that it's as popular as Pokemon Go. Howard played another Baba Booey song parody.
Mark asked if he ever bails because he gets too far into it and he can't get off to it. Howard said he looks at it first to see if he can jerk off to it. Howard said he never watches anything twice either. Howard said if Beth is coming home he'll bang her and not jerk off.
Howard said he used to have this thing called Special Porn they had there. He said it was two French girls who were super hot and they were all jerking off to it there. He said that was before the internet. Robin said back then you had to have your favorite.
Howard said there is so much porn out there. He said he doesn't go to TubeGalore. He said he goes to YouPorn and there's so much that he never has to see the same thing twice. Mark said that Valentina Vaughn was hot on the Sybian. Howard said he doesn't know any of the girls names. He said that's too creepy.
Mark asked if Howard and Beth get massages. Howard said Beth gets them from a woman. He said he gets upset if she gets one from a dude. Howard said she got one from a guy once and she told him and he got upset and locked himself in the bathroom. Howard said he locked the bathroom door and stayed in there maybe 5 minutes. Howard said he didn't want to be in the bathroom. He said she convinced him that the guy was gay and looked like Richard Christy.
Mark asked if Howard could serve on the supreme court and work his job there. Howard said he could do that. Howard said he thinks that Trump set him up with that job. Howard said he wants him to bring back DDT too. Howard said his wife convinced him to go all organic with the lawn care. He said he thought it was cool to do that. He said his lawn looked like such shit. He said his friend asked what was going on and he was ready to fire the lawn care guy. Howard said he forgot they were organic. Howard said he said fuck that and stopped the organic thing. Howard said organic means do nothing. Howard said he told the guy to give him a jolt of the stuff that works.
Robin said she loves organic too but she can't have bugs in her lawn so she has to have something done. Robin said she walks around in the stones around her place and she got bitten by something. She said now she can walk through the stones now. She said Dennis did something. Howard said it's got to be DDT.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that JD and Aurora thing was so painful earlier. He asked if Howard would go to JD's wedding if he was invited. Howard said he would have to. He said it's something that you only see once in a lifetime. Howard said he won't be his best man or anything. JD said he knows better than to ask that. Howard asked JD if he's any closer to marrying this girl. JD said he doesn't know about that. He said one of them is more interested in it than when they first started going out.
Robin asked why guys never progress. Howard asked JD if she gave him an ultimatum. JD said she didn't but she has expressed interest in it. He said they were at a wedding a couple weeks ago and it sparked something. JD said she was talking about the different things she'd like. Robin asked if he's going to make those dreams come true. Howard said imagine JD is your dream. Howard said he is so for this marriage that he'd do something. He didn't say he'd pay for it though. Howard said she's packing him lunch every day now. Howard asked what's in the lunch. JD said it's a sandwich and some pita chips. Robin said you know that will end as soon as they get married.
Howard asked what kind of sandwich it is. JD said it's like lunch meat kind of stuff. Gary asked how far he'd travel for the wedding. Howard said if it's in the tri-state area he'd go. He won't go to Ohio. JD said it would be in New York or maybe Florida. He said his mom lives there. Howard said his mother lives there but she's the one who left. He said everyone else is in New York. Howard said you do it in New York. JD said it probably will be if it happens.
Gary said JD doesn't understand that it's all up to the woman. He said that it's up to her where she's from and where she wants to have it. Howard said JD's mom probably wouldn't travel. JD said that he didn't say it had to do with his mom. He said Howard was the one. Howard asked why Florida then. JD said his girlfriend likes Florida. Howard said they have to think about who is there in New York. Howard said he can go to Florida on his honeymoon. Howard played a song parody with JD's laughs in it.
Howard said that wedding would be so great. He said he has to write his own vows. JD said he would rather elope than have to go through this shit. Howard said she should pack him a salad for his lunch if she wants him to eat healthy. JD said they're trying to save some money too.
Howard said it would be so great if JD got married. Gary said JD was a very lonely person when they met him. He said now there's a woman who wants to marry him and they wonder what the issue is. Howard asked JD what the issue is. JD said they're committed. He said he understands the legalities of getting married and all of that. He said it felt weird needing a piece of paper to say you're committed. Howard did his JD impression and goofed on him talking about the legalities. Howard asked if he has stopped paying webcam girls. JD said yes, he has. Howard asked how long that's been. JD said it's been a few months. Gary said JD said he's doing better like he's an alcoholic. JD said he was talking about with money, not with the webcam girls. Howard said that you can die if you stop cold turkey. JD said he's doing none now. Howard said when this show ends his options end. He said that he should marry her while he can.
Howard said JD will probably end up going back to the webcam girls once he's married. Howard asked if he'll have a pre-nup. JD said he thinks they will and it will be a 50/50 split. Howard asked if he thinks he'll have kids. JD said he can't think about that right now. Robin said he will have kids. Howard played another song parody about JD.
Howard said imagine they break up and JD has to split everything up. Fred said he gets to keep the mouse eaten pants. Howard said JD has to do this for the show. He said if he loves the show get married. JD laughed and said stop. Howard said when they split he gets the Xbox and she gets the TV tray. Howard wished JD luck and went to break. They played a song parody about JD loving webcam girls as they went to break.
Howard said they have Hillary Clinton on the phone. Howard said she's in the middle of the Democratic National Convention. Howard took the call from fake Hillary who said she's really nervous. She said she's going to get up and accept the nomination and it's going to be the most exciting time of her life. Howard said she just had a grand child. Hillary said she knows her life. Howard asked where she is because she was making noise. Hillary said she's just moving some stuff into the Oval Office. Fake Hillary said that she's deleting another 50,000 emails too. She said it's very easy to do that. Fake Obama came into the office and went out to grab a smoke after Hillary told him to get out.
Hillary said the prophecy has been foretold and she's the leader now. Obama came back so Hillary kicked him out again. Howard wrapped up with her and she said ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' before Howard let her go.
Howard asked if Hillary is ever going to come in the studio. The guys played clips of her saying yes. Howard said bye to her after that.
Howard said he asked Ronnie to do some sex tips and he must be out of juice. Howard said he did some Pokemon Go sex tips and he deleted them because they were so bad. Howard said some of the guys thought he should play them because they're so bad. Howard played one where Ronnie says when you come across Jigglypuff it must be like a puffy pussy. He said it will look like it got stung by bees and that's when it's ready for your cock. Howard said that's his limo driver and security guy. For real.
Robin said she heard a story about Ronnie going down with Gwen Stefani to get to her car and he was walking to the side of her and two autograph hounds ran in and knocked Ronnie out of the way to get their pictures taken with Gwen. Howard said he didn't stop them huh? Robin said no. Ronnie came in and said that she doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. Ronnie said she's got him all fucking bent. He asked who told her that. Howard asked if it was the driver. Robin said she's not going to say. Ronnie said she knows these guys who are called The Twin Towers and they're out there all the time. He said they're harmless. He said that they can take their pictures and Gwen knew who they were so she went right over to them. Ronnie said she had her own security guy too so Robin doesn't know what she's talking about.
Howard said Ronnie likes his Pokemon sex tips. Ronnie said he told the guys they were going to get thrown out because he said ''cunt'' too much. He said he should have used pussy. Sal came in and said Ronnie said to him ''red, puffy, cunt'' when he saw hi this morning. Ronnie said Derek told him they use the word in England every day.
Howard said he feels like he ran out of juice with the sex tips. Howard told him to listen to this one. Howard played another one where Ronnie talked about Pokemon Go balls and taking your balls and shoving them into the girl's asshole. He said you can stroke it really good and cum on her feet. Howard said you can't take your balls and put them in her ass. Ronnie said you put one ball in and point it down. He said it's possible, dude.
Howard said the next tip is probably illegal. He said he says you take a cell phone and rub it on the girl's clit while it vibrates. Howard played that one and Ronnie said you lick the squirt off the phone. Howard said that's so disturbing. Howard said he's talking about smelling a hot girl. Ronnie said you rub the phone all over her clit and then lick it off. Howard said he's making them funny by goofing on them. He said they're really not great. Ronnie said Howard loves it.
Howard played another sex tip where Ronnie talks about how to find Pikachu. He said you take your face and put it right by her nice cunt and her cunt lips. He said she'll be squirming from it. He said that's where you find Pikachu. Howard said he's a fucking maniac. Robin said he's bending over laughing. Ronnie said Robin is laughing too. Robin said she's laughing at him.
Howard said he has Ronnie the courteous limo driver on the phone. Howard took that call and that Ronnie said good morning and asked what he can help him with. The guys called in from the back with clips of Ronnie acting calm and polite. Howard said he should take tips from this Ronnie. Howard asked Courteous Ronnie a few questions and the guys played his scripted answers. Howard asked Courteous Ronnie if he likes squirt. Ronnie said he does like Squirt Soda. Howard told him that regular Ronnie likes sex squirt. Courteous Ronnie said good day sir like he was going to leave. Howard said goodbye to him a bunch of times and they had a bunch of clips of Ronnie saying goodbye in different ways.
Howard said there's Ronnie's sex tips. Howard let Sal and Ronnie go after that. He said that's something, right Robin? Robin said she liked Courteous Ronnie.
Gary said they say that the band was going to get about $3 million per show. Howard asked how they sound. Gary said they sounded great. He said Axl sounds great but he's still kind of chubby. Gary said every stripper from the tri-state area was at the show. He said a bunch of chicks were getting arrested for solicitation. The caller said like 30 people were arrested on Saturday night. Howard said he can't believe they weren't making this money all those years they were broken up. Robin said it's not about the money. Howard said the Stones hate each other and they keep going. Howard said you can stomach anyone for $3 million.
Gary said he went to the show with a guy named John Harris. Howard said he works for like Sara Lee or something. Gary said it's another company. He said he went back stage and got to hang out with Duff. Howard said he heard he was complaining about that. Gary said that's not even a little true on any level. Howard asked who heard that. Gary said he was happy to just be invited. He said that's a complete lie. Howard asked if he met with Duff. Gary said he did. He said he talked to them for like 10 minutes. He asked what he was up to and he remembers coming on the show. Howard asked why he didn't meet with Slash. Gary said he did. He said Slash said to say hello to Howard. Howard asked why he didn't say hello for him. Gary said he forgot.
Howard asked if he saw Axl. Gary said no. He said they performed for two and a half hours and they came out on time. He said that Lenny Kravitz opened up for them. The Lump called in and said that Gary was complaining on Friday and how he had back stage access but it wasn't as good as he wanted. Gary said that's just not true.
Howard asked what songs they performed. Gary said you name it they did it. He said they probably did 7 or 8 songs out of 10 from their albums. He said they did play Chinese Democracy. Gary said even Duff got to sing a song. He wasn't sure what the song was. Howard said he'd love to see them. Howard said he doesn't want to hear the Chinese Democracy stuff though. Gary said it was just one of those songs.
Howard asked who is better, Eddie Van Halen or Slash. Gary said he thinks Eddie is a little better but they're both amazing. Howard said he's glad he got to see Duff and Slash. Gary said it was a great show. Howard said there's a report from Gary. Robin said she saw that Gary was on stage with the Beach Boys while they were on vacation too. Howard said he doesn't get to see that on Facebook. Robin said he was doing something with them. Howard said that bothers him so much and he's not sure why. Howard said he's not sure what work he's doing. Robin said he's spending 3 hours doing that stuff. Gary said he did Barbara Ann with the Beach Boys.
Howard said he was probably home worrying about the show listening to High Pitch Erik tapes. Howard said that he was working while Gary was doing this stuff. Howard played a song parody about Gary to the tune of a Guns N' Roses song.
Howard said he sat at home obsessing over the show while Gary was out at those shows. Howard said he had meetings and things too. He said Gary is taking time off to recuperate. Howard played another Baba Booey song parody. Howard did his impression of Gary and talked about how he loves to be entertained.
Howard said in this clip they're getting pedicures in Thailand. Howard said he would never do that. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking to Jojo and he had that vocal fry thing that Jojo has. Howard said when she starts doing it he's ready to tune out. He said it's like a frog. Howard played another clip of Jojo talking to this guy Robbie and they both do the vocal fry thing. Howard asked what the fuck is going on. He said women are doing it in droves and now men are doing it. Howard played a couple more examples of the vocal fry thing. Howard said she wonders why guys keep breaking up with her. Howard said imagine 100 years from now the women mutate into talking like frogs. Howard said Robbie is doing it too. He said it's nuts.
Howard said he has vocal fry Robin on the phone. Howard took a call from the guys who had clips of Robin speaking with vocal fry. Howard said he doesn't think he could work with someone like that. Howard asked her a few questions and the guys played clips of Robin speaking with that frog-like voice. Howard did some news with vocal fry Robin. Howard said that's Robin with vocal fry. Howard asked if that's all. Robin said ''That's what happeniiiiiiiiing'' with that frog like sound. Vocal Fry Robin tried to ask Benjy a question but Howard said he doesn't want to get into that.
Howard read some email about Benjy that he got yesterday. Chad asked if Howard has a problem with psychiatric drugs. Howard said no. He said Benjy was walking around all mopey and now it's stopped. He said he wishes that they'd put him on tones of it. Howard said they have it too good there. Robin said she thinks that Benjy couldn't do anything in regular life if he had those problems. Howard said he's always complimentary about Benjy. Howard said he has been really nice to him over the years. He said he even let him stop working after the show.
Chad asked if Benjy gets special treatment. Howard said he does. He said he lets him sit in the studio and he gives him special permission. Benjy said he likes that stuff but he can dislike stuff too. Howard said he's just glad he's on Prozac. Benjy said he never said Howard was the root of a problem. He said he's just a significant person in his life. He said he talks about that in his therapy. Howard told him to obsess about someone else.
Howard read more email about Benjy and said that he has to leave him out of it. Howard said Benjy shouldn't even tell him about it. He said he has a million problems. He said if he was Benjy he'd have to clear up so many things in therapy. Howard said if he was his therapist he'd think it would take 10 million years to clear him up. Benjy said he has two therapists. He said he has a psychologist and then went to a psychiatrist. He said he didn't like that the guy told him he doesn't like Trump. Benjy said he complained about that to his female therapist. Howard said he shouldn't have a female therapist. He said he has men issues and he has to relate to a man before a woman. Benjy said that's why he has a male psychiatrist.
Howard asked if his therapist is hot. Benjy said he doesn't want to say. He said she is maybe 15-20 years older than him. Howard said his priorities are off. He said he should talk about this stuff with him. He said his problem is when he's not at work. Benjy said he never said that work was his problem.
Howard said he thinks the Prozac is helping him and he should stay on it. Benjy said he's tapering down. Robin asked if his mood is related to it. Benjy said he's not sure. Howard asked if he talks about Fred during his therapy. Benjy said he's sure he has come up. Fred said Benjy ate way fast this morning. He said he had some eggs and they disappeared. Howard asked Fred if he eats slow. Fred said he's not a fan of eating that much. Howard asked if Benjy doesn't even know he's eating. Fred said it's down in his gullet before he even finishes.
Gary came in and said Benjy goes to Trader Joes and buys Cashews. He said they're portioned out and he gives them to Jason and tells him to only give him two bags. He said if he asks or more not to give them to him. Howard said that's the greatest. He said his mother used to get chocolates and she would tell his dad to hide them or she'd eat them. Howard said she'd tell him to hide them and he'd leave after hiding them. He said the rest of the day she'd look through the house, find them and eat them. Howard said he's not sure what the point was.
Howard said Jason has them locked up and he won't give him the other bag. Howard said they're very fattening. Howard said he stopped eating nuts because he had that problem. Benjy said it's so easy to get food at night.
Chad asked if Howard has acid reflux. Howard said he doesn't. He said that he's fine. Chad said the coffee could cause problems with that. Howard said he doesn't have that. He said he cured himself by not drinking coffee.
Howard played a Joey and Cindy Adams bit that was recorded many years ago that sounded similar to the call he just played.
Howard played another prank call the guys made using clips of Howard talking about wolves and sheep. They had the host of the show talking to the clips of Howard about all of that. Then they had Howard baa'ing like a sheep and the guy kept him on asking if anyone else wanted to chime in on this. Then they called in with a second Howard who was doing the same thing. They couldn't hang up on them for some reason. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said Robin felt bad for him having to listen to clips of Erik last week. He asked what's better than this. Robin said he may be losing brain cells listening to this. Erik said he saw pictures on Facebook that said ''Donald Fucking Trump'' and he wants that. Howard asked what t-shirt is going to fit Erik? He said like he's not offensive enough he's going to walk around with fuck on his t-shirt.
Howard took a call but the guy wasn't here. Howard wondered if the phones are dead again. Howard said Erik won't buy one of those t-shirts. He said he'll mooch one off someone. Robin said he doesn't get the concept of pulling himself up by his boot straps.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who told Benjy that his stuff is supposed to stay in the office. Benjy said fuck her it's up to the patient. Howard said if you value the therapy then you value the private part of it. Howard said he doesn't need that in his life. Howard said he doesn't even care really.
Mariann asked if Benjy has worked anywhere else. Howard said they went through this already. Mariann said she sees Beth has a little baby Yodette that needs to be adopted. Howard said they are fostering this cat that looks like Yoda. Howard said she's so sweet. Howard said she's in the apartment with him. He said she's so playful. Howard said she's like 12 years old... Mariann said she's 13. Howard said this cat has been living in the shelter for a long time. Howard said he hates these stories. Howard said he needs Prozac.
Howard said he walked in the room and the cat was talking to him. He said they don't do that to other cats. He said she was trying to tell him that she was upset. Howard said she's such a sweet cat. Mariann said she just saw her on Instagram. Mariann said that her husband thinks she goes over the top with pets so she can't adopt her. Howard said cats are great. He said they use a litter box and they groom themselves. Howard said you just need to put out water and food. Mariann said dogs don't like thunderstorms. Howard said cats don't care. Robin said she's had a couple that don't like loud noises. Robin said they might react but it's not a big deal. Howard said they cuddle with you the whole day. Howard said they have a 22 pound cat that sits with him all day at his desk. Howard said he just hangs and he's so sweet. Howard said everyone should have a cat. He said they're great pets. Robin said if you don't like cats you've never known one.
Howard told Mariann to just get Yodette. Howard said you don't dewclaw either. Mariann said she would never do that. Mariann said it reminds her of her little dog Max.
Howard said there's a cat they have that he was playing with the other day. Howard said he can't remember the cat's name. He told Gary to get his wife's Instagram. Gary said it's @BethOStern so Howard said you'll get into it. Howard said that if you don't want to be involved with them then you walk away. Robin said they're not like dogs where they're at you all the time.
Howard said the cat's name is Dear Prudence. Howard said he names the cats. He said this one was so cute that he wanted to keep it. He said they have six of their own already though.
Howard took a call and said this is the last one before news because he has to get out of there at 11. Howard said he's being photographed but he doesn't want to do it. Howard said he agreed to do it but he really doesn't like the way he looks. Howard said he's just going to do it to get it out of the way. He joked that it was for Playgirl.
Howard asked the caller what was up. The caller said he was hit by a bus up in Canada and the Canadian health care system sucks. He said the bus came out of nowhere and he got hit. Howard asked if he was in a crosswalk. The caller, Mike, said he was. He said he was in the middle of it and the bus hit him halfway through it. Howard said it sounds like he was trying to make the light and he got hit. Mike said he wasn't on his phone or anything. He said he's a former marine. Howard said that's a top guy so you check everyone. Mike said he did. He said it came out of nowhere.
Howard asked Mike why he doesn't use the same psychology when he crosses the street as he uses when he is out fighting. The caller said it came out of nowhere. He said he got pretty banged up. He said he was up there for business when he got hit. Robin asked if the bus was speeding. Mike said he doesn't remember.
Howard asked what's wrong with the Canadian health care system. Mike said they had him in the emergency room for 2 days making sure he had insurance. Howard asked him if he's ever killed anyone. Mike said he can't say. Howard said that means yes. Howard thanked Mike for killing those fucks over there. Howard said all they do is destroy shit over there.
Mike kept calling him ''sir'' and Howard said he likes that. Howard said he's a war hero. Howard said don't forget that. Howard said most guys are pussies. He asked what rank he was. Mike said he was a corporal. Howard asked where in Iraq he was. He said he was in Baghdad and Tikrit. Howard asked more questions but Mike said he can't talk about some of that stuff. Howard asked about jerking off and getting laid. Mike said you have to jerk off when you get a chance. He said there are women who put out over there. He said they're in the military and some of them are kind of cute. Howard asked if he pays for it. Mike said he doesn't. Howard asked if Mike is in the hospital now. Mike said he's in Montreal General. Howard asked if he banged a military chick who was higher ranked than him. He said he did. He asked what he was again. Robin said he was a corporal. Howard asked if the woman can force him to do it since she's ranked higher. Robin said that wouldn't be right. Howard asked where he went to fuck. Mike said you can go in vehicles or in the back of a tent. He said wherever you can go you go. Howard asked how many times he banged her. Mike said like 4 times. He said he used a rubber. He said it was just one night. Howard said it feels good to take out the enemy. Mike agreed. Howard said a lot of people don't have the stomach for war. Howard asked what's better, killing or fucking. Mike said fucking by far. Howard thanked him for his service. Mike said he's been listening since he was 10 and he loves the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this guy is full of shit. He asked a question to find out where he was stationed and what his MOS was. The caller, Paul, said this guy is full of shit. Howard said he doesn't get why different branches of the military hate each other. Robin said they all want to be more powerful than the other guys. Howard said he's not sure why he's against this guy Mike. Howard said Brent says this guy Mike sounds legit. Howard said if Brent says it then he's legit. Howard said he served 3 tours in Vietnam and he talks about it all. Howard let Mike go after that. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said he saw a story about a rap guy who shot himself in the face but he lived. Howard said he doesn't know the guy's name. He said the guy shoots himself through the cheek and he doesn't think it's a big deal. Howard said it was like watching crazy people. Benjy was watching the video and said it's Kasper Knight. Howard said the guy is hard core. Robin said there is no reason for that. Howard said he may have to go to both of Benjy's therapists.
Robin read a story about how taking a picture up a woman's skirt is not against the law in Georgia. Robin said the only way it's illegal to do that is if she's behind closed doors. Howard said Ronnie just announced he's moving to Georgia. Robin said it's not the only state like that. Robin said a judge ruled in Washington that a woman has no expectation of privacy when out in public. That led to Fred and Howard doing their Ronnie impressions talking all creepy about women.
Robin read a story about Mariah Carey going on vacation in Capri and a Mariah Carey song came on and then she came into the restaurant. Robin said that's when the diners knew she was there. Robin said then they realized that the theme of the night was Mariah Carey's songs. Robin said Mariah and her crew dined to her music. Howard said maybe she was requesting it when Nick was banging her because he talked about how they fucked to her music.
Howard asked if Robin saw the video of an Uber driver yelling at some chick who refused to get out of his car. Howard said the guy drove her to the hospital and she refused to get out of the car. The guy was screaming at the woman to get out of his car. The woman said he's not supposed to yell at her. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. Robin said that some people do this just to get it on tape. The guy kept screaming at the woman to get out and she kept filming. The guy said god damn you to hell. Howard said if this is an emergency why is she fighting with him? Howard said this is like the Uber version of the Mel Gibson tape.
Howard said that sounds like Scott the Engineer screaming about not using the tape. Howard played that clip. He played a clip of Scott yelling at him about paying off for the push up challenge. Howard said they paid off even though they were the shittiest push ups ever. Howard said Scott was dieting and working out every day and he was like a mad man. Howard played another clip of Scott yelling at him about the push up challenge. Robin said they called it 'roid rage but it wasn't steroids. Gary said he was taking Creatine and he didn't eat the whole vacation so he was raging. Howard said he just wanted that money. He said he's pretty sure he could have decked Scott when he said ''Lets go!'' Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they asked staffers if they think they could beat him up. He had a clip of Scott giving his thoughts on that. Scott said no he can't. Howard said guys always size up guys they can beat up. Howard said he's not sure he could take Robin. He said she might be able to beat his ass. Howard said Fred could beat him up. He said Benjy might be able to beat him up with his wrestling experience. Howard said the same thing about Gary. He said he might be able to beat up Jason because he's sluggish. He said Jon Hein is a big guy so it would be like chopping down a tree. Gary said they have all the answers for him on that sound page. Howard said he could beat up JD. Howard played JD's answer and JD said Howard could probably beat him up and kick his ass. Robin said she beat JD arm wrestling. Howard said Jason thinks he can beat him up. Howard played that clip too. Jason said he thinks his weight would help him out. Howard said he'd just kick him in the knee and take him down. Howard said he took karate with his kids. He said he's old now so he doesn't think he could do much. Howard said he went to eat with a friend the other night and he made that old person noise getting out of a car.
Howard played another clip of Jon Hein saying he thinks he could beat him up. Howard said he's right. Robin said the other day he was talking about hitting Jason with the Hein. Howard said Jon could probably rape him if he was in the woods somewhere. Robin said Howard could beat Will. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said Jason, Scott and JD are the only 3. Howard said Jon is weird powerful like a mountain bear. He said Jon is like that tall girl on Game of Thrones. He said he'd just stand there and not move when he tries to beat him up. Howard said this is all theory so he may not be able to beat up any of the guys. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said she has a friend who did a sky dive for the second time. Robin said he got her all hopped up thinking she should do it. Howard said she has to calm down with that. Robin read about a 26 year old who went missing over the weekend and her body was found days later. Robin said this was her 5th jump. Howard said they have to get Robin into board games or something. Robin said the woman was not attached to the parachute. Robin said they found her in a tree. She said that's a terrible way to go.
Robin asked if Howard knows how to break up with someone and alert all of his friends. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Robin said the way you do it is remove the person from Instagram and unfriend them and then people start to speculate. Howard said Gary did that to him. He said he unfriended him. Robin said that's what Rob Kardashian did to Blac Chyna. Robin said that's how he broke up with her.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the chances are of getting John Mayer on the show. Howard said he would love to have him on. Gary said he's a work in progress. He said he is supposed to tour in the fall. He said he did say he wants to do the show. Howard said they have a bunch of people who want to come in but they don't promote it.
Howard said on Friday they have Ike Barinholtz hosting Sternthology on Friday. He said he'll be playing a few things that he chose to play. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin asked if Howard knows what a Cronut is. Howard said he does. He didn't. Robin said it's a cross between a croissant and a donut. Howard said he was close. Robin said there is a constant line outside the bakery that makes them and the other day there was a dead body near the line and no one broke the line. Robin said one woman did break the line to tell them there was a body there but then she got back in line. Robin said the employee called 911 but it didn't disrupt the Cronut line. Howard said he once had that happen but he used the guy as a bench.
Robin said a tiger attacked a woman at a drive thru animal park in China. Robin said she's not sure if Howard has ever done one of those things. Robin said she has wanted to do it. Robin said this woman was killed after being mauled by the tiger when she jumped out of the car. Robin said she may have had an argument with her husband and left the car. Robin said then she was attacked and badly injured. Her mother left the car and was killed when she tired to help her daughter.
Robin read a story about the first around the world flight with a solar powered plane. Robin said it flew around the world and made it home. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about the flight. Robin said it took him 16 months to do this flight.
Robin read about the Democratic National Convention and had a bunch of audio clips from that. She had clips of Sarah Silverman, Eva Longoria and others speaking at the convention. Robin said Trump was tweeting about everyone but Michelle Obama. Robin had some clips of Bernie Sanders speaking. Howard said he's not sure why everyone yells. He said they don't have to yell anymore with the way microphones work these days. Robin read more about what's coming up tonight at the DNC.
Robin was reading about something and Howard was distracted by her pen clicking. Robin said she does that once in a while. Howard got a pen and started clicking it like Robin was. Howard said listen to that.
Robin said binge watching TV can kill you. Robin said they say you can die from blood clots. Howard said he gets up once in a while. Robin said they did a study and found that it can kill you if you sit around too long. Robin said every 2 additional hours raise the risk by 40 percent. Robin said anyone who binge watches should take the same precautions as people who go on long flights.
Robin read a story about the risk of Zika and how many women are at risk in South America. Robin said there was a study done but she wasn't able to find it. Howard did a live commercial read while she looked. Robin found the story and read the story to Howard. It was about who is stopped more by police. Robin said it's an interesting result. Robin said black people are more likely to be stopped but they're also less likely to be shot than whites. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started the show talking about how he is charged up this morning even though he didn't drink coffee. He said he's in a good mood after a Bachelorette special last night. Howard said he has to give a special nod to Chad. He likes that guy. Howard said it was a big night for him. He said he missed the DNC coverage. He watched The Bachelorette instead. Howard said he didn't care about the DNC coverage. He said he cared when Sarah Silverman gave a Baba Booey. He said that was fucking awesome. Howard said Bill Clinton kind of did a nod to the show by doing a ''Du'' thing. Howard played a clip of that and then a clip of Bill saying ''noine'' in another clip. Howard said he appreciates that.
Howard said he had an exhausting day yesterday. He didn't get out of there until about 3 o'clock. He said the photographer who did the photo shoot yesterday was a nice guy. Howard said he gave Robin a gift about a month early. He said he thought he wasn't going to see her.
Howard said he didn't want to participate in this thing but a couple of months ago the NY Times contacted his agent and asked if he wanted to be interviewed. He said no at first. Howard said he doesn't want to be interviewed anymore. He said he heard that the reporter was a fan of the interviews he's been doing. Howard said he's not sure why he would talk in this article. Howard said he has a hard on for the NY Times. He said he's a big fan and his father was too. Howard said his father got his education from the NY Times. Howard said he turned it down and then they weren't going to do it.
Howard said Benjy is late. He said that he forgot his pass and he tried to jump the turnstile. Gary said he tried to pass his credit card as his pass. Howard said they see him down there every day. He said he understands why they have to stop him. He said you never know with the terrorists. Gary said Benjy is fun to watch in general and he's getting tighter and tighter with showing up. Howard said he has said it to Benjy many times that they only work 3 days a week and they all get it together to get there. Howard said he gets there a lot earlier than he needs to himself. Howard said Robin does too. Howard said it's your job and you have an obligation. Howard said they're in a goofy business but they take it seriously. Robin said Benjy has to have everything run perfectly to get there on time.
Howard said hi to Benjy when he came in. Howard said he's going to go easy on him. He said if he times things so closely then this is going to happen. Howard said the other day he got there way on time even when the elevator wasn't working. Howard said you have to play.
Howard said Ronnie's job is to pick him up every day. He's never late. He said that he must start out really early. Ronnie said he's out of the house at 4:30. He picks Howard up an hour and a half later. Ronnie said you never know what can happen on the road. He said you have to plan ahead. Howard said he must have a full tank of gas. Ronnie said he does that the night before. Howard said if he was pussy he guarantees Benjy wouldn't forget his pass.
Ronnie said there's a whole issue. He said that they all yelled at him to go in. He said Benjy didn't have his pas. Howard said he carries a bag with his pass and keys in it. Howard said it all goes in that bag. He said it's impossible for him to forget his keys. Ronnie said he would have been there on time if he hadn't tried to get through the turnstile by squeezing through it. He got through and the building got ballistic. He said the guy claims he was yelling at him to stop and he ignored them.
Howard said he could get shot. Ronnie said they wanted to suspend him from the building for the day. Howard asked what happened. Benjy said he called. Howard said he's like 50 years old too. Benjy said he didn't have his pass so he called. He said he was going crazy looking for it. Howard said he didn't put it in the bag. Benjy said he called and got people there and he said he would be there in a minute. He said they said Ronnie would come down but he didn't. He said this is his own fault though.
Howard said Benjy could get his ass clipped if he jumps the turnstile. Ronnie said he had to talk them into letting him come up today. He said they wanted to ban him. Benjy thanked him for doing that. Howard said he can get in big trouble for that. Howard said it's crazy. He said he's a grown man. Howard said he gets many hate letters about the way he treats him. Howard said he'll read them later. Howard said you'd think him being on Prozac would help. Benjy said he thinks that's what's causing it. Howard said he doesn't think that's it. He was glitchy before.
Ronnie said next time he won't be able to talk them out of it. Howard said in 2010 he said he'd fire him if he was late again but he's not sure what to do. Howard said he bets he wasn't late to the Sharknado set. Howard said he is very childish and child like. Howard said that's why he talks to him like a child.
Gary came in and said he found notes about Benjy when he started with them in 1998. He was coming in late even back in 1998. He was late twice in his first four days there. Howard said he's such a nincompoop. Howard said he gets a lot of hate mail about the way he handles Benjy and he keeps letting it slide. Howard said he's been better until today.
Howard said if Benjy wasn't in the studio he wouldn't be able to disrupt the show. Howard said that's why he'd like to move him out. Howard said that way he wouldn't know he's late. Howard said he should go sit outside. Benjy said he would rather not. Howard said he knows that.
Howard said he was telling Robin about watching The Bachelorette and he came in late and fucked it all up. Howard said they should have a conversation. He said maybe he'll have him talk with someone else. Howard said he thinks they have to do it because he fucked up his show again.
Howard said he spent 45 minutes preparing for the show and then Benjy came in and fucked up his plan. Jason told Howard that getting him out of the studio would help with photos because his head shows up in all the pictures he takes with the celebrities in there. Howard said everyone is aware that he's taking a picture and Benjy seems to want to be in them all. Benjy said he moves where he was told to move. He said he was told about 2 years ago to move and that's what he does. Jason said it's easier to Photoshop him out of the pictures now. He said there are boxes of stuff he has shipped to the station that he has back there too. Benjy said it's not stuff he orders. He said it's promotional stuff. Howard said that anything that's under Benjy's desk they should throw out. Benjy said he's fine with that.
Gary said they leave Benjy's mail in his area but they expect him to take it out of there. Howard said he doesn't want his studio filled with his garbage. He said he wants it out of there. Howard said he's not sure how to vent his frustration over this. He said he's reaching his boiling point. He said he was so happy when he started the show today. Robin said he was so up and happy. Howard said god damn him. He said now it's been 18 minutes on Benjy.
Howard said he wants Benjy out of there. He said he must not like it in there that much. He said he can start out in the office next week. He said this isn't the Benjy show. He said it's just not. He said he's not sure why he has to be hijacked when he shows up late. Benjy said it's been six years. Howard said they had it straightened out. He said now it's 7:20 and all he can think about is that Benjy showed up late. Howard said he was in a really good mood. He said he was ready to do a whole comedy rap thing and he had bits he wanted to play and now this.
Robin said when you're a recidivist it doesn't mean you get the last of a sentence. Howard said he doesn't even know what that means. Howard said he has never been late. He said if you kill someone and tell the judge you won't do it and then kill someone 6 years later then you're wrong. Howard said he would say this to anyone. Howard said he's not a serious person. He's not a serious character. Howard said work to him is sacred. Howard said he was a dishwasher and he took that job really seriously. He said he was the best dishwasher they ever had. Howard said he takes pride in everything he does. Howard said he doesn't understand Benjy.
Howard said he was so grateful for having a job that he'd never sabotage that. He said Benjy took his lucky break and broke it in two like Paul McCartney wrote in a song. Howard said that's the most brilliant line. Howard said it's human nature. Howard said you give a push job and people sabotage it.
Howard said it's now 7:23 and he's still stuck on this. He said he was in a good mood before this. He said something weird was going on. He said he was in a good mood. Howard said listen to this song and maybe it'll help. Fred played the song Howard was talking about earlier. It was Paul McCartney's ''Too Many People.'' Howard told Benjy to listen to this. He sang the lyrics to Benjy.
Howard said feel free to bring him up in his therapy. He said he can tell them that he's a superior human being. Howard said he's a fucking maniac. Howard said he could have been a brain surgeon. Howard said he's in the worst mood. He said show up late to therapy and maybe he can work on that there.
Howard said watching the Bachelorette he sees all of these guys getting their grammar wrong. Howard said he knows he does too but he's done his best to improve it. He said he could do a lot more. Howard said he wants to take an English class someday. Howard said you watch that show and it's like watching a bunch of apes. Howard said he can see why none of them work. Howard said they have such a poor command of the language. Howard said they make Ronnie look like a scholar.
Howard asked Fred what he should do about this. Fred said they have to have a conversation with him. Howard said Benjy will just say he hasn't been late in a long time. Howard said he likes having him in the studio when he shows up on time. Fred said it's 7:27 and he's hurting the show. He said Howard was in a good mood this morning too. He said it's the first time in like 3 months he's seen him in a good mood. Howard said he jerked off and watched The Bachelorette last night so he was in a good mood.
Howard said he angers him so much. He said just avoid him and do him a favor and just sit outside during the show. Benjy said if it's up to him he'd rather not. Howard said just sit there and leave him alone. He told him not to give him a ''hey Hare'' when he wants to say something. Robin said this is why he shows up late to therapy and nothing happens. Howard said he is victimizing him.
Robin said it cracks her up how Benjy talks about how horrible Howard is to him. Benjy said that's not what he said. Howard said he's not in the studio now so stop talking. Fred said he did say he talks about them being mean to him. Howard said now they're being mean. Benjy said no and said that he's talked about them being nice too.
Howard told Benjy to listen to that song that he just played and listen 1000 times. Howard said he'll play it for him one more time now. Howard said it's a beautiful song. Howard said it was about John and Yoko and it was kind of an angry song. Howard said John responded with ''How do you Sleep at Night.'' Howard said that was a really scathing song.
Howard said Benjy is the last to arrive and the first to leave work. Howard said he's seen this happen before and he's going to have to say goodbye to him at some point. Robin said he can't take responsibility for himself.
Howard said Brent said if you show up late in the Marines that they arrest you. Brent came in and said he learned to be early from the Marine Corps. He said that he had a Sargent major who said if you're late then it's unauthorized absence. Howard said his father ran his life like a drill Sargent. Brent said if you were late they would call the M.P. and they'd come and arrest you. He said you'd have to get a lawyer to get you out. Howard said if he was late to anything his father would turn beet red and get angry at him. Howard said it's an insult.
Robin said there was a time that she started showing up late and she ended up grounding herself. She said she was going out having a good time and she grounded herself. She said she took care of it herself. Howard said Brent's parents used to beat him with a switch. Brent said that's right. Howard said go vote for Brent. Brent said his mother once beat him with a shoe. Howard said he used to get beat with a hanger. He said it was a wire hanger wrapped with wood. Howard said that hurt.
Brent said if you work for an organization like this you are letting the team down. Howard said Bubba used to beat Brent too. Brent said that was a whiffle ball bat. He said he had to punish people for Bubba on the show. He said the rule was that if you showed up late a second time you were fired. He said he thinks Bubba enjoyed firing people. Howard said Brent should shock Benjy's balls.
Howard took a call from The Lump who was acting as Benjy's therapist. He said that he's been wasting time and he can come in late every time and nothing happens. Howard said the therapist doesn't care. Howard asked if he calls Benjy a piece of shit. Therapist said he does. He said he has a noose around his neck right now because of Benjy. Howard asked where he went to school. He said he went to Dum-Dum U. The Therapist said that Benjy sued his building pass as payment. He said they always just shove that pass up his ass. Howard spent another minute talking about his therapy before letting Benjy's Therapist go.
Howard said Brent is right about the showing up late thing. Brent said you can get kicked out for showing up late too many times. He said that you can't be like that in the military because the other soldiers are relying on you.
Howard said it's now 7:38 and he's still on Benjy. He said he's going to be on this for four hours now. Howard said he can't get this out of his head. Brent said he shouldn't have to do this.
Howard asked Benjy what he thinks he should do. Benjy said he'll do anything Howard wants him to. He said he can do anything to his body that he wants. Howard said he doesn't want to do anything to his body. Robin said they already invaded his butt. Howard asked if he's a sucker. Brent said yes. Howard asked what he would do. Brent said he would send him home for the day. Robin said that's giving him a day off. Howard said that's crazy. Brent said in his world he would get sent him and the next day wasn't good. Howard said Bubba would have fired him already.
Howard asked about having a Benjy free summer. Brent said some people would be happy about that. Howard let Brent go after that. He played him off with his campaign video music.
Howard said he's going to take a break since he's wasted 40 minutes of his life on this. Howard said maybe he can work outside in the office for the day. Howard said no more talk about Benjy. Howard said he thinks he was late for the private jet to Bubba's wedding. He said he's a fucking loser. Howard played him the Paul McCartney song again.
Howard said Medicated Pete is so fucked up that he can't carry on a conversation. Howard said they had Hillary Clinton call and act like him and he can't carry on a conversation. Howard played the call they made to Pete and they had Hillary ask him what's going on with him and Pete would repeat the same questions over and over and not be able to carry on a conversation. They had Hillary saying ''Say hi to everybody for me'' over and over and Pete would repeat after her.
Howard said number 1 was Sia featuring Sean Paul. Howard said he thinks he read that Sia wrote it and offered it to Rihanna and she turned it down. Howard said you'd think she'd just go in and record the song. Howard said Rihanna can't write her own songs and she needs Sia. Howard said she didn't want to record this one because it was too poppy. Howard said Sia kept listening to the song and she recorded it. Now it's like the biggest number 1 song of all time or something. Jason said he got it right. He said it's been on the chart for 23 weeks. He said they call it the song of the summer. Howard played some of the song ''Cheap Thrills.''
Howard said he loves that story. Robin said she's going out on tour with all of the hair in her face. Howard said he wishes she didn't do that. He said he knows that she doesn't feel good about her face. He said he knows that feeling. Howard said she's so fucking talented. He said he loves that her song is the number one song for 23 weeks. Gary said they said she's the first woman over 40 who has a number 1 song since Madonna. Gary said she wears that wig because she doesn't want to be judged on her age. Howard said just go out there and take the fucking wig off.
Howard said he asked his agent if he could just have a photo sent to them. He said they said no. He said yesterday they came to take pictures of him. Howard said he was a really nice guy and a fan of the show. Howard said he made it as painless as possible. Howard said he set up the night before so he was ready to go. Howard said he gave him 10 minutes. Howard said he didn't want to look directly at the camera and he had to be to his right. Howard said he put up with him and that's what he did yesterday. Howard said it was like 10 minutes and he was out of there.
Howard said he asked to see a couple of the photos. Howard said he kept them to himself pretty much but he did let him see something in the computer. Howard said it was painful.
Howard said there's an article coming out about them and he hopes it's nice. Howard said he thinks it's nice. Howard said he asked the photographer if he could be on Mars when he shoots the picture he'd be fine with it. Howard said he had so many demands for this picture. He said he had the guy on a box. Howard said he had his hand over his face too. He said he tried to cover up as much as he could.
Howard took a call from a guy who read the article and said he did a great job with it. Howard asked how he saw the article. The caller said it's on the web. Howard asked if it's in the paper too. Gary said no. Gary said it's on the web site today and in the Sunday paper. Howard asked why they do that. He said it's like releasing the radio show ahead of time. Gary said he doesn't know the reason.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Sirius stock is up. Howard said he stopped checking it for a while. He said it was too depressing. Howard said it was at 8 cents at one point. Howard said yesterday he clicked on it and he almost fell off his chair. The caller said it's at 4.41. He said it's the highest it's been since his re-signings. Howard said the company announced their earnings the other day. Howard said he's not sure what the prices are but it's got to be in the billions when you have 30 million subscribers. Howard tried to do the math to figure it all out. The caller said it was $265 a year and that's times 30 million subscribers. The caller said it's actually 30.6. Howard said that's too confusing. The caller was confusing him even more when he said the .6 was 600 million. Howard said he needs more feet and fingers to figure out how much money that was.
Howard had the caller doing the math for him. He was making it even more confusing. Howard said they should call his friend Dr. Lou to figure it out. Howard said he's smart. He said he used to do that in college when he needed help. Robin did some math and figured out what kind of money they were making. Robin said it's $7.95 billion. Howard said she's good. He asked if she's Dr. Lou. Robin said she used a calculator.
The caller said the stock isn't the best in the world. Howard said he doesn't like even talking about it. Howard said the SEC was investigating him at one point. Howard said all he knows is that they gave him stock and in a few months it was worthless. Howard said he didn't know what happened. Howard said he thought he was going to be worth what Warren Buffet is worth. Howard said it went from like $9 to 5 cents. Howard said they were investigating him but he wanted to investigate them.
Howard said it was 5 cents and he didn't know what was going on. He said he started using the stock to line the litter boxes. Howard said he was looking at it yesterday and it was like 4.35. Howard said they're generating almost 8 billion a year and the stock is still only worth 4 dollars. Howard said he's not sure what the problem is. He said it should be like $30 a share. Robin said there was a time when they had no subscribers and it was $30 a share. Howard said they were almost bankrupt and it was at $30 and now they're making billions and it's worth 4. Howard said it doesn't make sense. Howard said if anyone wants to pay you in stock just say no.
Howard said that someone told him BlogTalkRadio is at $20 a share but they were joking around. Howard said he doesn't understand the stock market and wants nothing to do with it. Robin asked if this is the top. Howard said it's got to be. He said they only make 7 billion so why should their ship sail in. Howard said he works for a company that makes 9 billion a year and the stock is at $4. Howard said it's crazy and he doesn't understand it. He said someone told him that the sold too much stock.
Howard said Sal worked in the stock market so how complicated could it be? He said he went from that to making phony phone calls. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has a lot to play after the break. He said he has a job interview that JD did. Howard said JD had an actual job interview that they'll be listening to. They went to break after that.
Howard said he'll play a game. He said Natalie Maines had the Flat Ronnie up on the stage with her. Howard said he has to get the game cued up. Howard said he has to get his shit together. Howard asked where the game is that he tested this morning. Gary told him where it is. Howard said it's time to play O2 Game Bagger. Howard asked what Nick does. Nick said he works for a company and he'd rather not say what he does. Robin asked if he's Batman. Howard said that is like the Ben Affleck voice. Nick said it's worse than Christian Bale. Howard said they took some Christian Bale clips and called a show. He said he'll play that later.
Howard said they had Mark the Bagger there the other day and they showed him pictures of famous people. Howard said they asked Mark if he knew who she was. Howard said this one is for practice. Nick guessed he wouldn't know her. Mark did know it was Hillary though. Howard asked Nick what would happen if he was late to work all the time. Nick said he'd be fired.
Howard said now they'll play for the best 3 out of 5. Howard said they showed Mark the Bagger a picture of Hitler. Nick guessed that Mark would know who that is. Mark the Bagger knew it.
Howard said they showed Mark the Bagger a picture of Bernie Sanders. He asked Nick if he thinks Mark will know. Nick said he will say no. Howard played Mark's answer and he thought it was Donald Lee Roth.
Howard said they showed Mark the Bagger a picture of Adele. Nick said he won't know that one. Mark said ''Vanna White.'' Howard said he'll send Nick the flat Ronnie because he just won.
Howard played with Robin after that. Howard said they showed Mark the Bagger a picture of David Bowie and Robin said he won't know. Mark said it was David Copperfield. Howard said they showed Mark the Bagger a picture of Cher. Robin said yes. Mark said it was Cher.
Howard said they showed Mark the Bagger a picture of Donald Trump. Robin said he will know that one. Mark did know that one. Howard said they showed Mark the Bagger a picture of a pile of shit and Mark said it was Benjy. Howard said they showed him Bill Gates and Mark said Ted Kopple. He knew Justin Bieber. Mark thought Katy Perry was Monica Lewinsky. He thought Madonna was Jessica Anderson. He knew Albert Einstein though. He knew Jay Leno and thought Fred was Jack the Ripper. He knew Malcolm X. Mark thought Mariah Carey was Pam Anderson. He knew Michael Jordan and Whitney Houston. He thought Nelson Mandela was Morgan Freeman. Howard said they showed him a picture of Winston Churchill. Mark said ''Rupert Amaro.'' He knew Ray Charles and thought Taylor Swift was Suzanne Somers. He knew Tom Cruise and Oprah Winfrey. Howard said that's it for the Bagger game. Howard said he hopes Nick enjoys that Flat Ronnie. Howard said they showed him a picture of him and he thought it was George Clooney. Howard said he made that up.
Howard said they took clips from the movie American Psycho with Christian Bale and made a phony phone call. Howard said his name was Patrick Bateman in the movie. Howard said they call a religious show and it gets really odd. Howard played the call and they called into the show with clips from American Psycho and had him claiming he killed people. The hosts of the show asked where the bodies were and if he wanted to be delivered. They told him that Jesus will still forgive him. They were speaking in tongues and trying to get him to stop talking. They told Patrick that he'd be forgiven. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he wants to make a movie about the guitar player in that. Fred said it's Commercial Bed #305. Howard said that can be the name of the movie. Howard said this guy has it worse than the one hit wonder guys. Howard said at least a hit song gets you pussy. Howard said this guy is good but you wonder why he's not doing anything else.
Howard said he used to meet musicians and he's develop friendships with them. Howard said then there are guys who would jam with those guys and you'd never hear from them again. Howard said it had to be frustrating. Howard said Dee Snider introduced him to Alan St. James and he was really good. Howard said he'd play on the big albums and he was as good as everyone but you've never heard of him. Howard said he thinks that's what his name was. It was 100 years ago. Howard said he was as good at playing and he was a good singer too. Howard said then there are guys like this who play on the music beds he uses for commercials. Howard said the guy probably goes home and tells his kids he heard his song during a commercial on Howard Stern.
Howard said this guy probably works in a guitar store or something. Howard said that guy was in a successful band but he kept showing up late so they kicked him out.
Gary said there is a documentary about these people called The wrecking Crew who played on records during the 60s and no one knows who they are. Howard said Jimmy Page was a session musician. He said imagine he never formed Led Zeppelin. Fred said he broke out and did that because he was sick of doing the session stuff. Howard said this fucking guy is playing on a commercial he talks over.
The caller said he's a shareholder for Sirius. He said that he bought both XM and Sirius. He said he went to a shareholders meeting recently. Howard cut him off saying he's bored now. The caller asked Howard if he's worried about the rising seas with his waterfront property. Howard said he lives in a world of fear already. He said he doesn't leave his house. He said this guy is a fucking buzz kill. He said he worries about everything. He said now his voice is in his head. Howard said call C-Span because they'd love him. Howard said he's a bummer. He said he's already there. Howard hung up on the guy.
Robin said she had someone tell her that they're due for a major earthquake on the east coast. Howard said he doesn't need to hear that either. Robin said the person said that she's working on a plan so they can warn people about the earthquake so people can go outside. Howard said Chuck Scarborough used to do stories like that. Howard said they had him on the show and he asked him what the fuck? He said he's still waiting for the earthquake since the 80s.
Howard said he loves The Bachelorette but he heard they fucked up the show out on the West coast. Howard asked why they have to interrupt shows when there are so many other channels carrying this stuff. Howard asked why they put that on the networks. He asked what the point is. Howard said if he owned ABC he would say fuck you to the convention. Howard said he's not tuning into ABC for the news. He said there are news channels to get the news. Howard said even Jeff the Drunk isn't doing that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and asked if he has rabbit ears. Jeff said he has a built in thing. He said he has something called a smart TV. Howard Jeff has a smart TV. Howard asked what that is. Jeff said it's a smart TV. Howard said they'll keep asking the same question and he can keep saying the same thing. Jeff kept saying he has a smart TV when Howard would ask what it is. Jeff said it's a smart TV over and over.
Howard said imagine anything smart being in his trailer. Robin said his washing machine is smarter than Jeff. Howard and Fred did their Jeff impressions and goofed on him about that for a short time.
Howard said he has The Lump on the phone too. The Lump said he watches the smart TV and it's a genius compared to this dumb ass. He said his dead arm is smarter. He said it's trying to leave his body. The Lump said he's fucking the TV and they're dating now. Howard let The Lump go after he said that they were supposed to take a break from Jeff. Howard said that's right. He said they had a meeting about that.
Howard asked what could have changed in Jeff's life since yesterday that they have to get an update from him. Howard said nothing has changed. He said Jeff could have waited a week. Howard asked what happened. Jeff said he has a gig he has to promote. Howard said he's going to use the show to promote a gig. Jeff said he is. The Lump said that Jeff didn't show up late for this like Benjy did.
Howard asked what time Jeff went to bed. Jeff said he went around 11:30. Howard asked if he watched his smart TV. Jeff said no. He said he was 'scoping. Howard asked him to take him through his sad day.
Howard said he likes when Jeff takes a hit of a joint on Periscope. Jeff got in a plug but everyone missed it. The Lump did an impression of what that sounded like. Jeff blurted out something unintelligible. They goofed on Jeff about that for a minute. Jeff kept trying to get it in again. Howard said it would be great if The Lump kept blurting out so Jeff can't get it out. Jeff tried spelling it and Howard said he still didn't get it. Howard said he thinks he used a letter that doesn't exist. Fred did an impression of Jeff and kept him from getting it out. Howard said you don't even have to block him, it just doesn't come out clear. Jeff kept saying something but his phone was so bad it was muffled. Howard asked where he's appearing. Jeff tried saying it again and the guys talked over him. Jeff said it again but Howard didn't get it. Howard asked where he's appearing. Jeff said something about a music hall but Howard still didn't know what he said. Howard thanked him for the call. Howard said it doesn't matter where it is. Howard said imagine not being able to communicate.
Robin said that woman who came from Australia must have been really scared when she got there to Jeff's house. Howard said maybe all of the smart appliances saved her. Howard said it's like Toy Story and they all come to life to get her out.
Howard said they sent JD down to H.R. to find out how he'd do interviewing for a job. Robin asked if JD knew he was being recorded. JD said he did. Howard said he was trying to do his best. Howard said they said they were hiring a media editor which is the job JD does. Howard said the woman is totally straight and she's not trying to shtick it up. Howard said actually Wolfie set it up as a job interview for a fortune 500 company. Howard said this woman has interviewed hundreds of candidates. Howard said JD treated it seriously.
JD said he knew who was behind this so he wasn't trying his best. JD said he knows how they'd manipulate things. Howard said they didn't manipulate this. JD said he knows the angles they're looking for. Howard said he did his best and he thanked him for that.
Howard said JD might be the worst in a job interview. He said that includes Sour Shoes and Mick the Nerd. Howard said JD starts giggling and stammering after the first question and he doesn't stop.
Howard played the audio of JD's interview and the woman, Hanna, asks JD to describe himself. JD stated laughing and then stopped and explained what he's like. Howard stopped it and said that's a strong start. JD said he sounds like such a dick too. Howard said he doesn't think he's a dick. Howard said if someone is looking for a giggler then they've got the right person. Howard played more of the audio of JD trying to tell the woman about his job. JD said he can't get into that and started laughing again. JD said he's got more paperwork in his job now and he's not comfortable with that because it adds time.
Howard said he was sitting home listening to this so he asked Gary what he's talking about. He said Gary didn't even know. Howard said what he's talking about is when he pulls a clip off a TV show they asked him to write down what it's about so they know what it is. That's it. Howard said he thought they had him filling out a time sheet or something. Howard said he's not an accountant. Howard said it's just the clip information. Howard said that's it.
Howard asked JD if that's it. JD said it's a little more than that. Howard said he just needed to know what he was doing. Howard asked why he's giggling. JD didn't have an answer.
Howard played another clip of JD giggling when he was asked a question. Howard said he'd throw him out by now. He played more of JD laughing for no apparent reason. Howard said JD should hope he keeps working. Howard said this was so bad he cut some of it out. He said that he didn't want JD to be down in the dumps all day. Robin said maybe he needs to hear it. JD said he's heard it plenty.
Howard played another clip where Hanna asked JD about his biggest weakness. JD said communication. He said he's shy and keeps to himself and he's not very social. Howard said he pays women to put peanut butter on dogs.
Howard said JD's answer for ''if you think of yourself as a brand, what would your motto be?'' was ''Set the bar low and they'll be impressed.'' Howard said ''Holy shit'' when he heard that. Howard said he could get someone better than JD. He said he must be able to get someone better. Howard said he's saying be your most mediocre. JD said that's not what he's saying.
Howard played more of JD trying to explain that. JD was rambling and not making much sense. JD said he lost his train of thought. He said there's a clip for you. He said just move on.
Howard asked what he's going to do with JD. He said he worries about him. He said he's his boy. JD said he wasn't saying do your worst. Howard said JD seems intelligent on Twitter. Robin said maybe someone is writing those for him. JD said he writes them himself. JD said he speaks better when he's not being recorded.
Howard said the interviewer asked JD if he was okay at one point. Howard played that clip and JD said he's fine. He said he's just a nervous wreck. Hanna said he was moving around a lot and she wanted to make sure he was okay. Howard said he was rocking and giggling. Hanna asked how the nervousness manifests itself. JD said he doesn't know. He said just sitting oddly rocking back and forth. He laughed and said ''I don't know.''
Robin asked if Howard sees that in the meetings. Howard said he doesn't notice it. Gary said they were in a meeting a few weeks ago and he asked JD to stop rocking and JD said he can't. JD said it's just something he can't stop doing. Howard said he will put this all behind him when he's in his 40s. JD said maybe when people aren't fucking with him it'll stop. Howard said he worries about him. JD said he'll be okay. Howard said it sounds like when you go to court and the guy is pleading insanity. JD said this isn't really helping playing the clips for the public. Howard asked if he wants him to stop. JD said he can keep going.
Howard played a clip where JD was asked what he thinks his pay should be and he basically said ''whatever.'' JD said if it was a ''starting out job'' he would take whatever. He said he'd want something fair that any other person would get.
Howard asked JD why he didn't answer. JD said he didn't want to put out there what he makes. Howard played another clip where JD was asked what he wants to do in the long run. JD said he wants to be a movie director. He was asked what he's doing to get there. JD said he didn't know. Robin said he's talking about himself and he doesn't know. JD said he's hoping one day to focus more on that.
Howard said they asked JD how he felt it went and he thought it went okay. Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking him those questions about the interview. He was asked if he felt he'd get the job. JD said it depends on the kind of place he would be interviewing at. Wolfie had him rate it on a scale of 10. JD gave himself a 5 or 6. Howard asked who he's kidding. Howard said this is not good. JD said he's glad everyone can hear it now.
Howard said he thinks he'd be rejected as a summer camp counselor. JD said he's okay with that. Howard said he's not sure he'd even be able to get into summer camp as a camper.
Howard played Wolfie's interview with the interviewer. She said that the rocking and the laughing would not sit well. She said that JD looks like a behind the scenes kind of guy and it fits well with what he's doing now. She said that it took him a while to get to the point. Howard said he should have been an Orthodox Jew because they rock when they pray. Howard said he's going to leave some of the other things she said out of this.
Howard said JD has to up his game because he's going to get married some day. Howard asked if anyone heard them talking about that yesterday. JD said some people did. Howard said imagine JD getting married. He played JD laughing along to ''Here Comes the Bride.''
Howard asked JD if he would invite everyone from work to his wedding. JD said he's not sure after today. He said Wolfie won't be there. Howard asked if Jason would be invited. JD said possibly. Gary asked who JD points the finger at for this stuff today. JD said Wolfie and Jason. He said Wolfie he doesn't want in his life at all. He said he just likes to fuck with him and he doesn't know the guy. He said Jason would probably be in. Howard asked who his best man is. JD said that Ronnie might be in it. Jon Hein might be the best man. Howard said Ronnie is the guy who always wants to help him. JD said he loves Ronnie. He said he's just closer to Jon.
Howard asked who he would leave out of the wedding. JD said he's not sure he wants anyone there. He said he just wants to elope. Howard said that's what Fred did. He had a plumber to his wedding. Fred said that guy invited himself. Howard asked if Scott would be invited. JD said yes. Howard asked if he would have Benjy. JD said possibly yes. He said they're not that close. Howard said so far Benjy is out... JD said no one is out. He said Wolfie isn't a person there so he doesn't count that.
Howard said they have to get this going. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he worked at Willowbrook and they had patients who rocked there. He said that they called it the Willowbrook rock. He said JD might have some of that retard in him. Howard said they have to have Wolfie cover JD's wedding as a reporter.
The caller asked who nominates the head of the FCC. Howard said the President does. Howard said that Trump could ask him for his advice on that.
Howard said at JD's wedding they can do something. He said that the bride could come down the aisle and Wolfie could be under the veil.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who said he will be there for sure. He said he thinks his girlfriend likes him. JD said he's off the guest list. Wolfie said he can lay back and take it all in and they won't even know he's there. Wolfie said that his vows would be so good. Wolfie asked what Howard cut out of that interview. Howard said that woman was tough on JD so he cut something out. JD said he knows what was cut out. He has bad breath. Howard said that was brutal. JD said he was chewing gum during the interview. Howard said he has to brush. JD said he does brush. He said he has to find a new dentist. Wolfie let out an ''Ugh'' when he heard that. JD told him to shut up.
Howard said he uses a thing called The Doctors brush picks. He said he cleans out the shit from his teeth and that's what JD has to do. Howard said he has to brush a few times a day. Howard said that's what he does. Howard said something is up with him. Howard said he wasn't even going to bring it up. JD said he's going to go to a dentist.
Howard said his girlfriend must be struggling. Wolfie said he asked some Wack Packers if anyone smelled that day and they said JD. Howard said JD has to get that under control.
Jason said they have some color splotches back there. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. He said JD has to go to the dentist. Howard said he has to get out of there in 5 years. He said he can hardly piss anymore. He said he's going to be a disaster in 5 years. Howard said he doesn't pee at a urinal. He said he was standing at a urinal for like 5 minutes and a young guy walks in and pees and it sounds like a horse. Howard said he forgot what it was like being young. Howard said he was done in like 15 seconds. Howard said he drips like a faucet himself. Howard said he was envious of the guy's stream. He said he has pee envy. He was yellow with envy.
Howard said he's leaving in 5 years so JD has to get it together before then. Howard said JD will be like 41 in 5 years. Howard did the math pretty quickly with that. Howard said JD is going to have a wife and kids and he's leaving radio. Howard said JD has to save some money. He asked if he has money in the bank. JD said he has a savings account with 3 grand in it. Howard said that's enough for toothpaste. Howard said 3 grand and he's thinking about getting married. JD said he's not thinking about it. Gary said they were talking about it on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and they think he's saving up for a ring. JD said he is focused on getting a bigger apartment for two people. JD said he's saving and he has over 10 grand in the bank. Howard said that's more like it. JD said he has a 401K and he's very leery on the stock market stuff. Howard said that's good.
Howard said he had like 8 grand saved up back when he got married. Howard said he had a plan. Wolfie said you're supposed to save up 6 months salary just in case you lose your job. Howard told Wolfie he did a good job with that whole interview thing. He said he has to do more prep work with JD. Howard asked if she really said his breath was bad. Wolfie said she did. Howard said he's going to start working with him on that. He said he's going to teach him how to brush with a series of lectures. Howard said this segment was supposed to be funny but it became serious and depressing. JD said they were laughing in the office. Howard said they can work on the breath thing.
Howard said he thinks most of the guys won't do well in an interview. Robin said she thinks Jason and Will are okay. Howard said Richard might not be. Howard said Jon and Gary will be okay too.
Wolfie asked Howard how he would describe himself. Howard went into an explanation about how hard a worker he is and how he has led groups of people and he's been told he's a leader. Wolfie said that's good. Howard said that's what you say even if it's not true. Howard said he has pleasant breath too. Robin asked if JD could repeat what Howard just said. JD said he was working on something so he didn't get it all. He did hear about the hard worker thing.
Howard said JD's motto would be ''set the bar low.'' JD said that's not what he was saying. Howard said he knows what he was trying to say but he didn't get it out. Wolfie said JD is one of the hardest working guys he knows. Howard said he is. He said he has no ability to sell himself. Robin said listening to that interview he'd fire him. Howard said in the last year they're there he might have to train JD how to interview. Howard said it'll be one big H.R. session. Robin said Richard and Sal should get in on that.
Wolfie asked if they did this a year from now if things would be different. Howard told Gary to mark in the calendar that they have to do it a year from now. JD said he's not doing anything with Wolfie again. Howard said he's going to work with JD next year and prep him for an interview. JD said he's done with any Wolfie bits. Howard asked Wolfie if he's ready. Wolfie said he is. Howard said he can either do the job interview again or have him at his wedding. JD said he would pick the job interview. Howard said they're in then. Howard said Wolfie had another home run with this. Howard said he's on fire lately. Big round of applause for him. Howard clapped and asked if he has to take a break. Fred said they should. Howard went to break after that.
Howard asked what happened to that dude. He said he liked him. Howard asked if he's still doing that song. Howard asked what his name was. Fred said it was Tone Loc. Howard said he likes that cow bell thing in the song. Fred said he had Wild Thing too. Howard told Fred to play that one. Howard asked if Fred pulled that from his playlist. Fred said he did. Fred played ''Wild Thing'' too. Howard asked where this made it in the charts. Fred said that it made it to number 2. He said Funky Cold Medina made it to number 3.
Howard said if you have two songs like that you can make a good living. Howard said he knows one guy had one hit and he lived off it the rest of his life. Gary said it was Norman Greenbaum with ''Spirit in the Sky.'' He made about 60 grand a year and lived off of that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said something just came over the wire. He said it's breaking news. He said John Hinckley is to be set free from a psychiatric hospital. Howard said he hates that. He said he put a bullet in the President of the United States and in Brady too. Howard said Hinckley is going to get out and stay with his mom who is 90. Howard said fuck him and fuck his release. Howard said fuck you to anyone who thinks he should be out. Howard said he never should have been in a psychiatric hospital. Howard said he shot the president and that is insane but so what. Howard said he's sane now then put him in a regular jail. Howard asked what kind of message that sends. He said it's crazy. He doesn't get it.
Howard said he's not a hard ass because he knows people make mistakes but this is a big thing.
Howard asked Benjy about something he posted on Twitter. Benjy was going to explain what he wrote about Sarah Silverman. Benjy said he doesn't like her politics but he likes something she does to ward off evil because it's a Jewish thing that he does too. Howard didn't seem to care.
Howard said Sal made it into an article about men who wear bronzer and makeup. Howard said Eric Stonestreet wears bronzer too. Howard said they list other people who wear makeup. Howard said Jared Leto and Pete Wentz and others do. Howard said Sal was mentioned for wearing concealer under his eyes. Howard said there's an article you want to be in. Howard said he wears makeup. Howard said Sal wears a bronzer with sparkles in it. Howard said he's seen it.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she read the whole NY Times article about him and they put the picture of him in there and he looks very distinguished. Mariann said Benjy isn't treating Howard fair either. Howard said please don't rile him up. Howard hung up on her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Robin Trower's ''Bridge of Sighs'' is a great one hit wonder song. Howard had Fred play that. Howard said Sal shaves his chest and belly every morning too. Howard said Richard is the only one seeing that every day. Howard asked who else is looking. Howard said women don't even dig that. Fred played ''Bridge of Sighs'' and Howard wondered if he has any money. Fred said he's still around making blues records. Howard said he'd sign the blues too if he only had one hit.
Howard thanked Fred for that and moved on. He said Sal is a weirdo. He said he was yelling at Gary yesterday. He said you'd think Sal would like that Sarah Silverman did the Baba Booey thing. Howard said Sal said he should be ashamed of himself over that because she did it at the DNC. Howard had Sal come in to explain it to Robin.
Sal came in and said that what he did with the Baba Booey thing was fine but Gary shouldn't be tweeting about this with Sarah Silverman. He said he shouldn't take pride in it. Howard said it is kind of insane that he does that with his fuck up. Sal said he's gloating about it. Howard said he has an issue with Gary. Sal said Sarah can do it and Howard can thank her but Gary should be thanking Howard. Howard said Sal is right. Gary said lets not get off track. He said Sal thinks they should all think like him and not be funny at the conventions.
Howard said Sal stuck his asshole on his dad's head on Twitter recently. Sal said he still doesn't know what he did. He said that was a personal thing. Howard said it was his dad's birthday and his dad was sitting there and Sal pulls down his pants and opens up his asshole on top of his head. Then he ran away and his dad had no idea. Sal said his dad has like a 6 foot tall pompadour. He said it's his real hair but he dyes it black. He said the hair hit his butt cheek.
Sal said that Gary shouldn't be thanking Sarah Silverman for the Baba Booey thing. He said that it's not all about him. He said Gary has a picture of Adam Sandler dressed up as him as his profile picture. He said it's all about his ego. Gary said Sal has the biggest ego there. Sal said his is big when he does something great for the show that Howard loves. He said he doesn't tweet out when Natalie Maines says something he says. Sal said Gary had better get it together. Gary said Sal just tweeted out a picture of a pizza he made. Sal said Howard has nothing to do with pizza.
Howard asked if Sal knows how the vice presidential candidates are. Sal said he does. He knew Mike Pence and Kaine. Sal got back to Gary and told him to do the show and stop worrying about the Tweeting stuff. Gary said Sal should stop riding the coattails of the show and do those shows that he can only do because of the show. Sal said he has a point. He said he doesn't ride the coattails of celebrities at rock shows like Gary does. Gary said Sal is doing cooking shows that no one cares about. Sal said Gary did that show with Jon Hein that failed. He said it was disgusting to see Gary walking around with sweat under his tits. He said it was horrible. He said it was Gary and Jon Hein walking around looking at shit.
Gary said they got paid to do that. Howard said they get paid there too. Sal said they deserve a refund. Sal said he should just step it up. Gary said Sal drew jizz on a girl's face at a birthday party. Sal said that's true. Gary said he jerked off to family members too. Sal said his wife is into bestiality because she fucks a monkey. Gary said Sal wonders on Twitter when they're going to get a white history month. Robin said every month is white history month.
Howard said Michelle Obama said that slaves built the White House. He said Bill O'Reilly said something he doesn't understand. Howard played some audio of Bill talking about how they were housed and fed by the government to do that. Howard said he thinks he means they didn't have it so bad. Robin asked how he knows that as a fact. Howard said he should work for food and housing then. Howard said slavery is the worst thing to happen to this country. Howard said maybe he had a bigger point there. Gary said he was saying that a lot of people worked on the White House.
Howard asked what he was saying. Gary said it wasn't all slaves, just some. Robin asked if she said only slaves built it. Gary said he's just telling them what Bill said. They spent a little more time talking about that.
Howard said he thinks ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' is taking off. Howard said he knows Jon doesn't like it but if someone is low energy and even tempered then you tell them to ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard played a clip from a podcast where someone used that term. Howard said MLB network had another mention. Howard played a clip of an announcer using it. Howard said that was Robert Flores there. Howard said that's unbelievable. Howard said Sour Shoes has latched on to it and calls him as Gary and uses it but he says ''Hit 'em with the noine!'' Howard played Sour Shoes doing that for Jon on his voicemail. Howard played some song parodies with ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' in them. Howard said it goes on and on.
Howard took a call from fake Jon Hein which was the guys in the back playing clips of Jon talking about food. Howard asked him some questions but they just had a couple of answers to play. They had Jon going on and on about his favorite fast foods.
Robin read a story about Pokemon Go having an upgrade that's coming out in September. Robin said it's been delayed. Robin said the Pokemon Go Plus can be worn on your wrist and when you get near Pokemon it will light up. Howard said shame on you if you're playing this. He said it's embarrassing. Howard said if you find all the characters the one thing you won't find is a woman.
Howard took a call from a woman, Brenda, who was doing something that was making a crinkling sound so Howard asked her to stop doing whatever it is she's doing. She said she was getting her cookie out. Howard said he thought she was talking about vagina. She had an oatmeal raisin cookie. Howard asked what he can do for her. She said that she has a story to tell him. Howard asked her to talk loud enough so they can hear her. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 72. Howard said she's like his mom who doesn't know how to use a phone. Howard said he's scared of getting that old. Brenda said he's getting close. Howard said it seems like his mom has forgotten how to use everything.
Brenda said she took a shower yesterday afternoon and she was naked. She said her husband came in and he was trying to do something with her. She said she just went with it and went into the bathroom. Howard asked how old the man is. She said he's 68. She said he tried to lift her up and it didn't work. She said she fell on the floor. Howard was laughing. Robin was too. Howard said they should save this story for Halloween. Howard said this woman is 10 years older than him. He said it's going to be a tough decade. Howard asked what she hit on the sink. She said she scraped down her back. Howard asked if she hit her Life Alert button. She said no. The caller said she was hurt and she went to the bedroom and put her on the bed. She said he pulled her to the edge of the bed and she couldn't lay down and she fell down again when he pulled her to the edge of the bed. Brenda said he went with it anyway. She said she wasn't able to get him to quit. Howard said he raped her. Brenda was still talking but her connection was really bad. Howard said this is the worst best call ever. Howard said her life sounds like the plot of a Three Stooges movie.
Howard said this woman's husband tries to pick her up and drops her. Then he puts her on the bed and she falls again. Howard asked if he banged her on the floor. Brenda said she was sitting up and she did it that way. Howard asked if he just went in or did he use a rubber. She said he went right in. She said she did the lotion thing before that. Howard asked when that goes down. Howard asked if that was before the sink. She said they keep it in every room of the house. She said he's really horny. Howard asked if her bush is all grey. Brenda said she shaves it. Howard said imagine what that looks like. She said it looks good. She said her husband thinks it looks pretty. Howard said he didn't think a 70 year old would shave it.
Howard asked what she's wearing now. She said gym shorts with no panties. She said she's not allowed to wear panties. Howard said the NY Times is printing a retraction right now. Howard said he just asked a 72 year old if she's wearing panties. Howard asked if her labia hang out of her panties like flip flops. Howard asked why she's not allowed to wear panties. She said that's so he can reach in there and do whatever he wants to do. Robin asked how often they have sex. She said 3 or 4 times a week. Howard said imagine that.
Howard asked where she is now in a Bingo hall? She said she's in Walmart. Howard asked if she's in there with no panties in her shorts with her labia hanging out. She said no labia hang out. She said she can wear a bra. Howard said she'd step on her tits if she didn't.
Brenda said she goes topless and only needs the bottom of a bikini. Howard said they're pretty sexed up. Howard asked if he gets hard or does he need Viagra. She said he takes Cialis. Howard asked if she wanted to have phone sex. She said she can't because her husband is right beside her. Howard asked to speak to him. She said he can't because she's talking through her hearing-aid. Howard asked if her clit looks like an onion. She said she's not sure. She said she doesn't look at it.
Howard asked if Brenda still masturbates. She said she does. She has all kinds of toys. Howard asked if she's on a walker. She said she doesn't use one. She said she can walk. Howard asked how big her husband's penis is. She said it's six inches. Howard asked who she masturbates to Roosevelt? She said anything that vibrates. Howard said alright. Robin asked how long they've been married. She said they've been together 34 years. Howard asked if they swing at all. Brenda said no. She said he likes to do rough sex swinging from a rope. Howard and Robin both said Wow. Howard asked how much she weighs. She said she's 162 pounds. Howard said he didn't realize she was fat. Howard said she can't even go shopping without eating a cookie. Howard asked how big her tits are. She said one is bigger than the other. She said she's a 42-DD. Howard said that they must all be fat. She said that's what tits are. She said she had a lumpectomy because she had breast cancer. Howard asked if they put in a fake titty. She said she just stuck with the big one. Howard asked how big the nips are. She said they're numb. She said she has to pinch them real hard to get them hard. Howard asked if they come down to her belly button. Brenda said no. She said they're pretty perky. Howard asked if she has sex in strange places like in the parking lot at Walmart. She said they have done that. Howard asked if she swallows that nasty stuff. She said she does. Howard said a lot of young women won't do that. She said she's been swallowing since she was 18 years old.
Howard asked what the husband calls her. She said he calls her bitch, whore, cunt, slut and all of that. Howard asked if he ever calls her the N-word. She said he hasn't done that. Howard said that's just wrong. Howard asked if he has ever fisted her. Brenda said no. Howard asked what Robin thinks of Brenda. Howard took a call from a guy who gave him a ''Whoop, whoop!'' He said he's going to throw up from this. Howard said he has to let Brenda go then. Howard asked if she wears a diaper. She said he does because he was in a motorcycle wreck. Howard asked if she wears one. She said once in a while she does. Howard asked if she shits her pants. She said she pees her pants once in a while. She said if she sneezes she pees. Howard said getting older is great. He said he can't wait to get older. Robin was cracking up. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard went over what they learned from Brenda. Robin was still laughing. Howard asked if anything else was in the news other than that guest.
Robin read that Ozzy Osbourne and Sharon have fallen in love again. Howard said he wrote to Sharon when Ozzy was cheating on her. Howard said they're back together already. Howard said some people think it's a publicity stunt but he doesn't believe that for a minute. Robin said they went to therapy and it worked. Howard said evidently it did. Howard said imagine that therapy session. He said therapy takes years and years to work.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if that caller was fake. Howard said you can't make that shit up. The caller said he hasn't laughed so hard in his life. He said he's late for work because of it. Howard asked why the callers are so low that you can't hear them. Robin said she's not sure about that.
Robin read about how Ozzy and his son Jack have a travel show debuting on the Travel channel tonight. Robin said they'll be traveling around the U.S. and the U.K. Robin said Ozzy told Jimmy Kimmel he was interested in doing it because he loves history. Howard said they haven't seen Ozzy in a long time. Robin had a clip of Ozzy talking about history on Kimmel. Howard said he loves when Ozzy is on the show. He's so great.
Robin had Howard play a Miss Cleo clip. She passed away this week. Howard said Benjy used to work for some psychic network. Benjy told Howard about that and how you were supposed to up sell stuff. He said the psychic readings were improvised. He said the book was just for the up selling. Robin read the history of Miss Cleo and her psychic network. Benjy told some more stories about working as a psychic too. Benjy said it was good pay too. He said it was like 18 bucks an hour.
Robin read a story about how a major glass ceiling was broken through when Hillary Clinton was made the official nominee to run for president. Howard said it is long overdue for a woman to run. Robin said there are women in other countries who were elected. Robin said we are behind in that area. Howard played a fake Hillary clip after Robin brought her up.
Robin said America Ferrera and Lena Dunham were blasting Donald Trump last night over some things he's said. Robin had some clips of the two of them talking about Trump. Howard said there was something going on at the convention and CNN cut to Boyz II Men. Howard played a clip where they made the weird cut to get to the live performance of Boyz II Men. Howard wondered why they did that. Howard said they cut from a riot to a band performing. Howard asked what that is. Robin said it is kind of strange. Howard said he thought it was odd.
Robin read more about the Democratic National Convention and had Howard play some clips from when Hillary Clinton was nominated. Robin had audio of Bill Clinton talking about Hillary. Howard said he was one of the best presidents ever and he was a great speaker. Howard said he wouldn't have gone with that love of your life thing though. Howard did his Bill impression and talked about how he never finishes on the dress of a woman he loves. Howard did his Bill Clinton impression for a couple of minutes. He said that's a touch speech for him to give.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he thought that old lady was kind of sweet. He said they can be sexual too. Ralph said it's funny that he said what he did about his mom and how she forgets how to use a phone. He said the some thing happens with his mom.
Ralph asked if he can do him a favor since he knows someone at Netflix. He said they're doing something with the cue on Netflix and it's all shuffled. He said he needs an option to see something... Howard cut him off and hung up. He said these are the problems in Ralph's life. Howard told Ralph to call back so he can figure out if he can line this up for him. He said he just sits around all day watching stuff. Howard said someone sent him a show called The Magician from SyFy. Howard asked if that's any good. Robin wasn't sure. She asked what the show was with the kids that she was supposed to watch. JD said it might be Childhood's End. Howard said he's not sure if he liked it. Robin said he liked the beginning but not the end.
Howard said Ralph has probably seen 80 percent of what's on Netflix. He said he was complaining to him the other day about a friend he has who doesn't work. Howard said Ralph works a half hour a week. He couldn't follow his logic.
Robin read a story about the people who are speaking at the DNC tonight. Robin said Anthony Wiener and Donald Trump Jr. have gotten into a battle. Robin said Wiener has come out saying he will fight against Trump Jr. if he runs for Mayor of New York City. Howard said he had it made and he shouldn't have been sexting. Howard said his name is
Robin read that the accident Harrison Ford had on the set of Star Wars was much more dangerous than originally thought. Robin said the door was operated by another person and he was hit hard in the pelvis and pinned to the floor. He had to be airlifted to a hospital. Robin said he could have been killed. Robin said it's terrible that the movie that made you famous almost killed you.
Robin read a story about a rape in New York where a man broke into a woman's house and asked if she wanted to be raped or killed. Howard said she didn't have a gun did she? Robin said she did not. Howard said imagine that. He said it's a shame she didn't have some sort of Glock or something. Robin said he raped her and then forced her to shower. Robin said they have some video of him using her ATM card. Howard said he saw video of a 70 year old woman pulling a gun on a robber and the guy running out of her house. Howard said this poor woman got raped. Howard said that's a horrible way to have sex.
Howard asked if there's anything else depressing in the news. Robin said Keshia Knight Pulliam has been married for 6 months and her husband has filed for divorce even though they're expecting a baby. Robin said this guy is an ex-NFL player. Robin said he is raising doubts that he fathered her unborn child.
Robin read a story about how your heart may improve if your sex life is good. Howard asked if JD hears that. He said if he gets married he probably won't have a heart attack. Fred played some JD laughs when Howard would say something to JD.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if JD is in the Wack Pack. Howard said JD is a super competent worker. He said he would hire him for any job. Howard said he works really hard. He said he is no Wack Pack. He said he's one of his best employees. Howard said his bar is low but his work ethic is high. Howard said that's why he took him under his wing. Howard asked JD if he heard that. JD said he did and you can only control so many people's thoughts. Howard asked if he's back on the wedding invite list. JD said he was never off it. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Today's replay show was over around 11:05am.
Today's replay show was over around 11:15am.