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Howard started off the show talking about the special show they were going to do today. He said he wasn't planning on playing the 9/11 broadcast from 5 years ago but the fans called for it and it seems that other outlets like CNN are going to play their old show like it was that day as well. Howard said that they're going to start at 8:30 this morning as if they were back at K-Rock. It's the 5th anniversary and it's a big deal.
Howard said he's been getting angrier and angrier over the past 5 years since Osama bin Laden is still out there. Artie said he was trying to watch a show about 9/11 last night but he ended up watching a game on the show instead. He said the special he was watching wasn't done all that well so he couldn't stay tuned.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he remembers that 9/11 show that Howard did and it was great that he was on to keep everyone listening. Howard thanked him for that call and told him how they'll be starting the replay at 8:30 this morning and it should play in real time. He said they were talking about why he didn't bang Pam Anderson and then they got the news that the first plane hit and then the second plane. He said people will be taken back to that day and it should be a good commemoration show.
Another caller said that this should make for a good show to bring back the good and bad memories from that day. Another guy asked Howard if he thinks there's some kind of conspiracy going on since Osama is still out there after all of these years. Howard talked about how he's been saying for a while now that it seems that this country kind of got lost on it's way to finding him and ended up in Iraq. He doesn't think that President Bush is avoiding finding the guy and he's pretty sure that he'd like to capture him. He can't imagine that Bush is insane and would want to protect the guy.
Howard said he feels that we're not focused on the capture of Osama since we're in Iraq. He's also pretty sure that the President of Pakistan isn't trying to protect the guy but he's dealing with a lot of nuts and there's not much he can do over there to help find Osama.
Howard said he was calling for everyone to blow up everything in the Middle East back in 2001 and he still feels the same way today. He said he knows he may have been a little out of his mind back then though. Robin said that they were all saying that back then and they all sounded insane. Artie said that he did something important on 9/11 and asked that people not pull cab drivers out of their cars and beat the crap out of them since that's what people started to do.
The caller Howard had on the line asked if he could get a tour of the Stern Show studio. Howard said he could have that or tickets to the premiere of Artie's movie. The guy said he was going to have to take the tour because he wouldn't be able to get out of work. The caller asked if they would be there if he took that tour of the studio. Howard said he's not sure but he took that tour anyway.
Gary said he remembers how no one was even sure if Fred was alive or if he was paralyzed or not from the fall he took down four steps at Scores. Fred said people do die from stuff like that so he's lucky that he didn't. Howard said he and the other guys continued to party after that. He was pretty sure that Fred would have wanted them to continue the party even while he was on his way to the hospital.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about the 9/11 show from 2001 and how that show allowed him to picture what was going on since he wasn't near a TV that day. He said it was very important to him that they stayed on the air the whole morning. Howard told the guy that they'll take everyone back to that day this morning when they go into the replay. The caller said he wishes that all of Howard's detractors would listen to that show because it really was the most incredible radio he's ever heard.
Robin said that their show was the only place where you could hear people venting their thoughts at the time. News broadcasters weren't giving their thoughts, they were just reporting on what they were seeing.
Howard played a voice mail from a guy who gave Artie a bunch of ''Wahs'' for his loss. Eric said he lost his own pick for this weekend. Artie said he actually placed a real bet on the game he picked so he lost some real money on the game. Robin said that Crazy Alice is probably having a field day today knowing that she actually won.
Robin read a story about how Anna Nicole Smith's son died over the weekend. Howard sounded pretty shocked by that. Gary came in and said that he remembers when Anna was up there for the first time and how well the kid seemed to be handling things back then. Robin said the kid was only 20 years old. Gary said when he was up there with Anna, he was only 10 years old or so and Anna left him alone in the green room.
Howard told Eric that he's not going to be part of this football pool. He may have been invited to do it if he had been willing to fly with balloons. Howard was going to let him go but Eric said that he won't be able to come in for the premiere of Artie's movie but he would like for them to help him get in on some WWE thing for next month. He said he'd be willing to do the balloon flying thing for that but they would have to sign a release saying that they'd be responsible for anything that happens to him.
Howard told Eric he had to get going as soon as he heard him asking for them to sign something. He said that if you die on this show, it's your own problem, not theirs. Howard spent a minute goofing on Eric about that and did his impression of him for a minute.
Howard said that someone actually called in and said he'd bring in some stingrays for Richard Christy to swim with if he really wanted to do what he said he would. The guy wanted to have them set up a dunk tank and have him swimming in the tank with them.
Howard said that one of the most popular video clips on the web at this time is this black weather guy who freaked out when a cockroach ran over his foot during a broadcast. Howard thought that the roach had run up the guy's leg but it turns out it just ran across his foot. He played the clip that he had played last week where the guy freaks out over the cockroach and screams like a girl.
Howard replayed the old Mike Tyson press conference clip that he played a couple of weeks ago. He pointed out that it's uncensored now.
Fred claimed that he bought his mother earrings back then but Howard doesn't believe there really were any ear rings. Fred said he told him that way back then and got the same reaction from him back then. Robin said she remembers Fred telling them seriously that he got his mother the cake and that's what the gift was.
Artie said that Robin was the one who brought that up in the discussion back then and that's how they got on the subject. Fred went off on Robin a little bit about what she was doing to him. Howard was saying that Fred is a much more sophisticated person now than he was back then and he's pretty sure that Fred wouldn't do the Cookie Puss thing again.
Robin said that Richard Christy is kind of like Fred was back then. Howard said that Fred used to go to the same deli almost every day like Richard does with a Chinese restaurant every day. Howard goofed on Fred about going to this Deli and talking to the owner every day. He said he thinks that Fred was just very frightened back then and didn't want to venture out. Robin said she thinks that the big city just scared Fred and that's why he would stick to the same place.
Howard took a call from Wheels who Artie is playing the football pool for. Howard said that of all people Crazy Alice and Big Foot Mark are ahead in the pool so far. Artie is probably going to lose and he knows that he's going to feel guilty and he'll probably end up writing a check to Wheels for 25 grand.
Wheels said he was watching the games on the internet and it was a pretty crazy game that screwed them out of the win. Howard gave Wheels some tickets to the Beer League premiere on Wednesday since he may not win the pool.
Howard had an old Cookie Puss commercial on his computer so he played that old clip. It was the real commercial that used to run on TV or Radio where they talked about the Cookie Puss and Cookie O'Puss cakes.
That meeting is supposed to be with Bubba the Love Sponge and his crew. Robin said there was something going on with Bubba last week where he was asking his friend Lasker to apologize for something but they hadn't worked things out so they left it hanging.
Howard said he heard that Bubba has gained back a lot of his weight lately so he's looking forward to seeing him today. Howard said that Tim Sabean called this meeting and they're going to have everyone together so they can meet some people they haven't met before. Howard said he's not sure exactly what the meeting is but everyone is going to be there. Tim is saying that it's going to be important so he's just going with it.
Robin said that she was going to take her first racing class today but she heard about this big meeting so she couldn't schedule it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he would like some of those Beer League premiere tickets. Howard gave him some and said that he doesn't want to stay out too late on that night because they do have to work the next day. He said he may walk out of the movie but it probably won't be because he doesn't like the movie, it's because he has to get some sleep. Artie said the movie is just 86 minutes long so it's not too bad.
Howard said he was offered a movie over the weekend but he didn't think the movie was all that funny when he read it. He said it was a buddy flick but he didn't want to give out details just in case the guy doesn't want them released.
Robin said she saw Jenny McCarthy at the U.S. Open over the weekend and asked her how she was doing. Jenny said she was having a great time hanging out with Jim Carrey. She said that Jenny really appeared to be in love with Jim at the game. Howard said she'll eventually get over that whole thing and it will go away some day.
Howard said he wanted to bang Beth over the weekend but she was doing something and didn't want to do it so he got all whiny with her. He said he was like a little girl crying that she didn't want to be with him.
Artie said that he met one of Beth's cousin's out in Cleveland over the weekend and he could see the family resemblance in her face even though she's a second cousin. Howard asked him if he hit on her out there. Artie said that he did this show out in Cleveland and had a couple of drinks on stage. At the end of the show he was signing autographs and there were some hot chicks. The security guys said they would pick out some hot chicks and bring them back stage for him. He figured he'd go ahead and do that so he pointed out some hot chicks to go back stage.
Artie said that he had a couple of 22 year olds in his limo with him on the way back to the hotel. He said there was a really hot brunette who got him a drink on stage during the show. They headed back stage but the chick had a dude with her. She wanted to go back stage and the guy was asking her what she was doing. He ended up letting the dude go back too because he felt bad for the guy. He was relating to that dude and then the other chick he had back stage had a dude with her as well so he had both guys back stage.
Artie said he was going to find a few more hot chicks and picked out another four. Then there were some SternFanNetwork guys there and they ended up back stage. Artie didn't know who they were because they all go by handles. He went back stage and there was a gaggle of people back there. Nick DiPaolo was there doing the show so he was ready to leave the green room because he's married and doesn't cheat.
Artie said that this chick who had the boyfriend was being really aggressive and telling him she wanted to party with him. Her boyfriend was right there watching it all happening so he was very uncomfortable. Artie said the guy eventually pulled her to the side and told her that she's married. Artie said that chick was bad news and he didn't want to get shot. Howard said he's been through that kind of thing himself.
Artie said there were a couple of girls talking about going out to some bar so he ended up getting these two single chicks into his limo with him. He had to get rid of the married chick so she had gone off on her own with the dude she was with. Artie said there was another comic with him out there so he came with him and the two 22 year old girls. He said he really had nothing to say to the 22 year olds. Nick DiPaolo rode back to the hotel and wished him luck saying ''Good luck fucker...''
Artie said that either of the two 22 year olds would have been fine. He said he pulled up at the bar in his limo and there are lines of kids outside. Some of the people recognized him and started screaming ''Artie'' at him. There were lines of people that knew who he was. One guy came over and gave him a big, sweaty bear hug and asked him to sign his forehead.
Artie told the 22 year olds that he wanted to back to his hotel room but they had to go out and meet their friends. He ended up getting the girls' phone numbers instead. He didn't hook up with them because they wanted to go hang out with their friends instead. He said his friend from the comedy show hung out with the girls but he didn't get laid. Meanwhile Artie rode back to the hotel with his limo driver who was laughing at him. He said he went back to the hotel, got a cheeseburger and jerked off.
Howard said he would have convinced the girls that he was where the party was at and would have made sure he got the girls back to his hotel room. He said he did that once with a chick who was with a dude. She was willing to bang him even though she had a man there. Howard said she actually showed up 10 minutes later ready to bang him.
Howard told another story about a guy who offered to let him make out with his hot girlfriend if he wanted but he felt so strange about it that he couldn't do it. He told Artie that he really has to get a guy like Ronnie the Limo Driver who can pick out the girls and get them back to his room to party. He said he used to ask Gary to do stuff like that for him but he never took him seriously and wouldn't get phone numbers and things like that.
Artie said that the bars they were going to didn't have any back rooms like they would in a New York bar. Howard asked Artie if he's bringing anyone to the premiere. Artie said he's not bringing a date to the premiere because it would be disrespectful to Dana. Howard said that the Dana thing has been going on for a long time now so it wouldn't be disrespectful. Artie said Dana is actually in the movie.
Howard told Artie that if he doesn't get laid on the night of his premiere, that's pretty sad. There was a chick who called in last week who was willing to mess around with Artie for the premiere tickets. Will came in and said that he's having trouble getting in touch with her so he's not sure what's going to happen there. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said she's looking forward to the big meeting today because Tim has a whole presentation he wants to make. She heard he had a Powerpoint presentation to do and stuff like that.
Howard played a voice mail that a fan left asking for Lisa to do a topless broadcast because he finds her to be pretty hot. Howard said that Gary the Retard also called in and left a message where he says he wants to go out and bang Dana since Artie isn't with her now. Howard said that would be great if he could actually do that to him.
Lisa G said that they'll be talking to fans who were glued to the show 5 years ago on 9/11 during the news today. Howard mentioned that they'll be getting to the 9/11 replay later in the show. Lisa also said that they'll be talking to Scott the Engineer about how he and Robin are forever friends since 9/11. Robin said that these days she puts Scott right at the top of her party lists ever since that 9/11 stuff went on. He gave her a ride home that day because she wasn't able to get out of the city.
Lisa said that Bubba the Love Sponge is in the city all week and Brent Hatley will be doing another episode of ''Basic Training'' while he's there. The guys talked about how much Brent knows about that military stuff for a short time and Artie told Howard that there's some cool stuff in that movie ''World Trade Center'' that they should really see. They spent a little more time talking about Brent's military knowledge and stuff like that.
Artie was saying that he can't wait for this meeting today because Tim Sabean has gained a few pounds and he always buttons just one button on his suit jacket so he looks kind of funny. Tim came in a short time later and showed them what he looks like with his buttoned up jacket. He said he has put on a few pounds and that's because he's been so busy there at SIRIUS.
Tim told Howard that they're going to see just what's going on there and how impressive it is how they work things. Robin said that Tim is involved in everything on Howard 100 and 101 so he's got a lot going on there.
Howard had some e-mail to read about the Steve O interview they did last week. Steve dropped a bomb on them about how his father was the head of Nabisco when he was growing up. He said that they got an e-mail from a guy who knows Steve O and the guy says that he wasn't the head of Nabisco, he was the head of security at Del Monte which is owned by Nabisco.
Howard read a few e-mails about the Eddie Van Halen interview they did last week and people are very confused by what Eddie was claiming about his tongue cancer. Howard and the guys tried to figure it out themselves but no one was quite sure what Eddie was saying about that stuff last week.
Howard said that a lot of people loved Bingo who rode the Sybian last week. That was comedian Doug Stanhope's girlfriend who they were talking about. Howard read through a bunch of other various e-mails. One person thinks that Lisa G is in love with Howard.
Howard said that people love when Artie does his Mike Tyson impression. He said he thought that Artie was going to do more of it this morning when he played the Tyson press conference. Howard said that he got some feedback about the Steve Grillo show and this person suggested that they make him a regular as the movie reviewer for the show. Robin said Steve called her and asked if she could give him some advice on making himself better. She said that she doesn't want him to get better, he should keep doing things the way he has.
Howard read some articles in the paper recently and one of them was about Kareem Abdul Jabar who has apparently moved into a townhouse in Harlem. There was a strange picture of him moving in and throwing out boxes on the street like he just didn't care. Howard said he seems like a bizarre guy doing stuff like that. Howard said some people went through his garbage and found his sneakers, a blow gun, an empty box for some strange weapons and other strange stuff.
Gary said that he's heard that Kareem is a big fan of the show so Howard put the word out that he'd like to talk to him.
Artie said he really hates this guy now and doesn't want anything to do with him. He's paid hundreds of dollars to come out on stage at shows just to say hello to the crowd and he just turns on him.
Howard brought up this guy Mark McEwan who just recently had a stroke. Howard said that the guy was a nice guy and he used to run into him a lot. He was also saying that if his voice is messed up enough, he could become a wack packer. He said he just ran into him a few years ago at the gym and he was such a great guy.
Howard took a call from Cabbie who asked Howard why he's replaying the 9/11 broadcast. Howard said Tim came to him and told him that the fans wanted to hear it so that's why he's doing it. He normally wouldn't do something like that. Cabbie said it's something that depresses people and he's wondering why anyone is replaying that stuff.
Howard said there are a lot of people out there who haven't heard that show and want to hear what happened on the show that morning. Howard said he's relying on other people to tell him the right thing to do.
Gary said he has heard some of that show replay and it's fascinating to hear the reactions from people like Ralph who called in and didn't know what was going on until he was told to look out his window. He said his reaction was very genuine when he saw the smoke coming from the towers.
Gary said that Joey Boots called in and warned people to get out of any landmark buildings because they might be hit. They were also talking about how Howard brought up Osama bin Laden's name very early in the discussions about the crashes.
Howard wondered why they're not starting the special at 8:46 this morning because that's when the attacks actually happened. He said he was talking about such frivolous things at the time and that's what they should be pointing out by playing the show today. He said things changed drastically a short time later. Gary said that Howard went back to that frivolous discussion eve after they hear about the first plane crash.
Howard asked Cabbie how his audition went on Free FM last week. Cabbie said he thinks it went well and he and Cane have a good shot at getting a show but Cane is locked into a contract with XM right now.
Howard said that a listener sent in a phony interview with Cabbie where he took audio clips from the 9/11 shows and made up a conversation. Howard thought that it was pretty bad but when he started playing it he said he may have spoken too soon because it was kind of funny. He let it play more and said that he was pretty sure it was going to fall apart. Cabbie didn't think it was all that good because he was talking about 9/11 in the clips but the guy was making fun of him and goofing on his gay stuff with those clips.
Cabbie asked Howard if he thinks that America has stopped flying the flag. He said he doesn't believe that at all and he's seen a lot of people flying flags out there. Robin said she was at the U.S. Open and they unfurled a huge flag there. Howard let Cabbie go after that and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he heard that Richard Roeper did a review of Artie's new movie so Artie wondered how he could do that because they've been keeping it a secret from the reviewers.
Howard played some of the audio from the review and both Richard Roeper and Aiesha Tyler gave it a thumbs down. Howard said that they didn't really review it, it was a review that Scott the Engineer put together to goof on Artie. He said that it was actually a review of a Nicolas Cage movie where Aiesha and Richard just bashed it.
Howard said that there was one review of Artie's movie where the reviewer gave him a 4.5 out of 5 star rating. He said he couldn't hold out and keep Artie going with that phony review. Artie said that they're actually withholding the movie from critics to keep them from getting bad reviews. Artie said that Scott thing was funny. He said he was kind of thinking it was pretty brutal as he was hearing it. Howard said that he didn't want Artie breaking down because he's so fragile.
Another fan sent in a bad parody for a Baba Booey parody. It was so bad that it was kind of funny for a few seconds according to Robin. She said it wasn't even funny long enough to make it into a music bed. Howard said the worst was Bob Levy's Baba Booey song parody. He said that Bob is a really funny guy but the song parody he sent in didn't work. He played that one as well. They goofed on Bob's delivery of some of his lines and cringed at the lines he had in the song. Howard wondered how he could be so funny and do so bad with the parody.
Howard had an audio clip of a guy going nuts at a town council meeting down in South Carolina. The guy was asking for John Walsh to help track down a rogue helicopter pilot. It wasn't clear what he was talking about but then the guy started go lose it and said that he had a helicopter flying over his house and it was driving him nuts. He was asked to stop because he may have been scaring the kids in the audience. The guy kept going and rambled on and on about stopping this helicopter pilot.
Howard took a call from Celeste the wheelchair chick and she was telling him he was doing the right thing by playing the tapes today. She didn't sound that good to Howard so he was goofing on her a little bit. He thanked her for calling in and let her go a short time later.
Double A called in and said that people are in for a treat this morning with the replay. He said the show was incredible that day. Howard thanked him for that and said that they only had one more minute left before going into the replay. Artie corrected him and said that they actually had 10 minutes left.
Robin said she was watching a show where they had a little girl talking about how she lost her father and her grandfather in the 9/11 attacks. Howard was still confused about the time they were starting because Fred had given him the sign that they had one minute left.
Howard talked about what they were talking about that day on 9/11 when they first heard about the attacks. He took a call from a guy who was doing the Cookie Puss voice and wanted to talk to Fred. He spent a minute doing that but then came out of it and said that Cabbie Crying on the 9/11 special was so insincere. He said that Cabbie seemed to be putting it on during that special.
Dominic Barbara called in and suggested that they do a moment of prayer before the 9/11 show plays. Howard didn't think there was anyone capable of doing such a thing there. Howard said he was going to say a few words before the replay though. Howard said a few words about how great it is that they got the tapes that CBS was going to throw in the garbage heap. He asked where God was on that day in 2001 and why he let this happen.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he missed that original 9/11 show. He was saying that he'd like to get Howard TV but his local cable provider, RCN, doesn't carry it yet. He asked for people to call RCN if they have it and request it.
I did a report that day but didn't get into heavy details since I was glued to the radio and TV at work. Here's what I wrote..
World Trade Center Coverage. 9/11/01. 8:45am During this discussion Howard broke in with the news that the World Trade Center had been hit by an airplane. Ralph went to his window and saw that there was a huge fire over there. He ended up getting off the phone to go watch. Howard then spent the rest of the show watching news reports from the scene and taking calls from eyewitnesses. At one point Howard said he was speechless as he watched the fire burning in the World Trade Center.
As the morning went on Howard had live audio feeds from the CBS network that he let through over the air. Crazy Cabbie called in and was just about crying as he vented his frustration with the whole terrorism thing. He thinks that the President needs to take action as soon as possible and put a stop to terrorists around the world. Howard's General Manager Tom Chiusano told Howard that staying on the air was a good idea to let people have an outlet. Howard thought about getting off the air shortly after all of this news broke but Tom convinced him to stay on the air. The phones were all tied up throughout the city so it was tough to take phone calls as the morning progressed. Cabbie stayed on the line and gave his eyewitness account of what he was seeing from his building in Brooklyn. He saw the collapse of the trade center buildings and you could hear his voice quivering as he described the collapse. Very scary stuff. Howard pretty much gave up control of his show and turned it over to the audio feed from CBS TV.
(Update: 4:45pm) Howard stayed on the air until approximately 12:15pm covering the news of the terrorist attacks. His coverage was pretty serious but there were still some light moments. He was doing such a great job that Tom Chiusano convinced him to stay until after noon. Luckily Howard's radio station wasn't close to the terrorist attacks so everyone was safe. Some employees left early to try and go home to loved ones. KC left the building because he didn't feel safe up on the 14th floor where the studios are based. Gary also left when he heard that traffic was able to leave the city. His family is located in Connecticut and he wanted to get home to them. During the CBS news coverage Howard called his loved ones and touched base with them to find out if everyone was okay. As of noon it sounded like his immediate family was all okay.
Howard replayed a short interview he played the other day that Stuttering John did with Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson. After playing the clip Howard and the crew were talking about how hot Pam is and about some of the sexual experiences they've had throughout their lives. Howard had just told a story about a ''friend'' of his who rubbed one out while his date slept and he ended up leaving a mess on her ass. Howard's buddy Ralph then called in laughing like he'd heard the story before. He said he was the one who told Howard the story, that's why he was laughing. Anyway, Ralph called in to tell Howard that he could have gotten Pam the last time they hung out together. Ralph thinks Howard was just dumb and he should have just gone for it and banged her.
Howard said he was looking forward to today's show because they're going to have Dee Snider and Bubba the Love Sponge on the show together. The two of them have a bit of a feud going on because they were both on in the Hartford market for a while and they both claim that they had the higher ratings. Howard said that Bubba replaced Dee in the market and he claims that he had higher ratings than Dee ever did but Dee claims the opposite. Both of them have been doing a lot of research for their presentations today from what Howard has heard.
Howard said that Bubba got on his first day in Hartford and played song parodies about Dee which really pissed him off. Howard had some audio clips of the song parodies so he played a couple of them. One of them was to the tune of 'I Want to Rock' called 'I Want a Job.' Howard said that could definitely rub a guy the wrong way. He said he remembers tuning in to hear Bubba on that station back around that time but he just wanted to hear some rock music.
Howard played another song parody about Dee that Bubba played back then called 'Hartford's Not Gonna Take It' to the tune of Twisted Sister's 'We're Not Gonna Take It.' They even had clips of Dee thrown into the song. Howard said that Dee got pissed about that stuff back then so they'll be working that out today on the show.
Artie said that Dee is kind of like David Lee Roth because they were both huge in the music industry but then they go into radio and end up getting bashed by guys like Bubba the Love Sponge. He said there are some things that people should never see certain people doing because they're no good at it. He related that to Michael Jordan playing baseball.
Howard said that the meeting was very cool but it appeared that Artie was sleeping through some of it. Artie said he wasn't sleeping but he was resting. Howard was saying that they had everyone there from Howard 100 and 101 and Bubba was making a speech about how they have like 600,000 people a day joining them at satellite. He was taking his word for it but that's not exactly true.
Howard said he made a speech of his own there at the meeting and said that he had no idea he would ever be doing something like this. He said that seeing all of those people working for his channels is an amazing thing. There are no channels like his out there anywhere in the world. He said he hears from a lot of people who want to join them there because it is so exciting.
Howard said there are no ratings there at SIRIUS so they can just throw things up on the air if they want to. Artie said there's no censorship either but Robin said he has to ask Bubba about that stuff because he has been censored at times because he does go a little far with his stuff.
Robin said that Doug Herwitt from HowardStern.com made a speech but he had to do it after Scott Ferrall who was very excited. Doug was a little boring according to what they were saying.
Howard played some of Scott Ferrall's speech and he was saying that he's having more fun than he's ever had in his career at this point. He said it's the greatest fucking gig he's ever had in his life. He said one guy's name wrong which got the crowd laughing a little bit. He as also apologizing for saying a few things wrong to Brent and his family a few months back. He was also going on and on about what he was planning to do with his staff trying to get them working together better. Artie said he never had speeches like that at the corporate meetings he did.
Howard has been saying since the beginning that she wasn't going to hold those ratings the whole time. He said that these TV companies will distance themselves from their employees when they start to falter like that and they will blame it on Katie and not on anyone who did the hiring. Howard said that Bryant Gumble went to prime time TV and failed so it's possible that Katie will fail as well.
Howard got sidetracked and said that Katie has taken Eric the Midget's saying 'Goodnight for now' like Eric says 'Bye for now!' when he says goodbye. Howard had Eric on the line to let him know but Eric just said 'Oh well' when he told him the news.
Howard thought that Eric should get some credit for that saying. Eric said he was calling in to ask why Howard didn't take his offer yesterday to fly with balloons. Howard said that he's not going to sign any legal documents like Eric asked him to do yesterday. Howard told Eric that he's not signing any documents for him. He asked Eric to sign some stuff for him if that's what he wants to do. Howard told him he's got all kinds of medical issues and there's no way he's signing anything.
Fred said that Eric would probably pull some stunt where he'd pretend to get injured during that stunt and Howard might lose big time. Eric said it was Johnny (Fratto) who came up with that idea to have Howard signing documents.
Howard was going to say goodbye to Eric but Eric wasn't done yet. Robin told Howard that he was looking for tickets to a movie opening for some wrestler. He was willing to do the balloon flying thing for tickets if Howard would sign the paperwork. Gary told Howard that the movie company was offering them a lot of stuff for that movie that Eric wants to go to so it would be no problem getting him into it.
Eric said that he would fly with balloons the way Paul Newman did on Letterman and not the way Howard wants to do it. He said that if Howard wants to do it his way, he has to sign the paperwork. Howard said he had to go to his show so he was going to let him go. Howard told him to draw up his paperwork and he'd take a look at them. He let him go and said he loves that kid. Robin said she's not so enamored with him at this point but she would like to see him fly with balloons.
JD said that Larry didn't correct his mistake but Andre gave him a strange look after he made it. Howard was goofing on JD so Fred was playing his techno theme song and also playing some Napoleon Dynamite audio clips since he sounds so much like that character. Robin said that JD was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday telling them where he was on 9/11 and it just brought the whole show to a grinding halt.
Howard played some clips of JD from a Wrap Up Show where he was must mumbling his answers and not saying much of anything. He let that play for a couple of minutes and it was non-stop nonsense coming out of JD's mouth. Howard asked JD what he thought of that summit meeting yesterday. He seemed to be impressed with the fact that he gets to work for the Howard Stern show but his comments led to Fred playing more Napoleon Dynamite audio clips.
Fred was doing an impression of JD mumbling and talking about where he was on 9/11. JD was going to a school at some place called Full Sail back on 9/11 and they were all excused to leave when the plane crashed happened so they ended up going to their car to listen to Howard. Then they went home and watched TV and listened to Howard during that broadcast.
Howard played another Wrap Up Show clip where JD couldn't get his thoughts out. Artie said he doesn't want to say anything at the Beer League premiere, he wants JD to get up on stage and say a few words instead. Howard asked JD if he's bringing a date to the movie premiere. JD wasn't sure if he was even going to be going to the premiere. Artie told him he's on the list and he should be able to get in no problem.
Double A was on the phone saying that JD works for the greatest show on earth and he should be getting threesome's every night. Artie said that everyone on the show doesn't have the ability to pull threesomes on their own and they still can't do it even working on the show. Howard said that Double A could get Artie laid and JD laid.
Richard Christy came in and said that he got to listen to about 2 minutes of Artie's act down in Atlantic City because Double A was talking so much that night Richard said that Double A was telling him that he hadn't slept in about a week the night he was down there. Richard was also saying that Double A has bad breath and he was all worked up about some of the interns being down there.
Double A said that Artie hooked him up with a private room at this night club at the Borgata. Artie said they offered him the room and that private room got packed with about 50 people. Double A kept bringing in girls that looked like they were kidnapped or chloroformed or something. Artie said there were tons of dudes there in the room so the chicks kind of got lost.
Richard was saying that he used to live in a warehouse near the place JD went to school at and he used to drive by it and it was full of nerds. JD pretty much agreed with that. Fred was still goofing on JD doing his impression and ended up goofing on his brother who went to the same school. JD said that his brother now works at Best Buy and lives out in California. He doesn't really visit him though.
Howard asked JD if his brother looks and speaks like he does. JD wasn't sure, he seemed to have no clue about his own brother. Howard heard that his brother owes him money but JD doesn't remember that either. Howard asked him if he lived in a dorm room at Full Sail. JD said he rented an apartment, they didn't have dorm rooms. He also majored in Film and Video Production.
Robin asked JD how he found that school. Most of his answers were 'I don't know...' so the guys were goofing on him about that. JD claimed that he had great grades when he was in high school until his senior year when he started slacking off a bit. He also said he got 1010 on his SAT tests.
The caller asked Howard if he had any tickets available for the Beer League premiere tomorrow night. Howard had a set but he wanted to make him work for it. Artie said he'll be doing Conan O'Brien's show tonight as his final press thing for the movie. He said he did his pre-interview with Frank Smiley. Howard said Frank lifted a bit from their show when he left. He took that talking mouth bit from their Channel 9 show years ago and took it to Conan's show.
Gary said he and Frank almost got into a fight one time out on the street. He said they ended up arguing with each other for 20 minutes about that stuff.
Howard had a game where the caller was going to have to try and guess if new wack packer Big Foot Mark could answer questions. The caller had to guess 3 out of 5 correct. Here are the questions they asked Big Foot Mark and the answers he gave...
Howard said that Richard Cone wrote an article in the news about how Osama bin Laden has won because we went out and took out his enemy, Saddam Hussein. Howard said he agrees with that and now that we have taken out our enemy's enemy, it's not a good thing.
Howard said that there was no link between Saddam and Osama, Saddam had no weapons of mass destruction but we're still over there in Iraq and haven't bothered to catch Osama bin Laden who had everything to do with the 9/11 attacks. Howard said it's unfortunate that we didn't seize the moment to go after Osama and actually find him when the rest of the world was still on our side.
Artie said he got to listen to a lot of the 9/11 replay and he found a couple of things that were interesting in there. He said that they were getting a lot of bad information about the attacks but Howard was being very responsible about everything he was doing. He talked about a bunch of the things that he noticed during the replay and said that he was thinking about what the people on Flight 93 must have been going through at the same time. He said it was chilling to hear all of that now knowing what was really going on.
Howard said he knew it was a real tragedy because Tom didn't run any commercials that morning. He said that it's a miracle that they have those tapes now so they can actually play them. Gary came in and said that he remembers Tom telling them to turn to CBS at the time since they were part of CBS.
Artie said that he thinks that they should replay that show every 9/11. Artie wasn't there in the city that morning but he did work the day before and the day after. He said that he and Sam Simon had gone out drinking the night before and his mother had called him on 9/11 and told him to tune in to hear what was going on.
Howard said that he and Sam were supposed to have a meeting that day so Sam came into the city and had some misinformation about how Danny Devito had been on one of the planes that crashed. He spread that news around and then found out it wasn't true. He had to go to commercial break a short time later.
Artie pointed out that Jon Stewart has been getting great press for a long time now and one of the papers showed him with his 2 year old daughter and said that he was with his 'adorable' daughter. He said Jon is the only one who seems to get press like that these days.
Howard took a call from a guy who was thanking him for the replays of the 9/11 and 9/12 shows that aired yesterday. He thought it was a great to hear that stuff. Howard said that he's glad that they replayed it as well because he was riveted to the radio himself as he as listening to it. He said that Cabbie made for a great reporter that day.
Artie joked that Wendy the Retard thought that after listening to that show she thought that the attacks had happened again 5 years to the day. Howard said he has to listen to the audience sometimes and let them tell him what they should play on the show.
Robin asked if Mutt dyes his hair or something. Howard wasn't sure, he said he'd have to look into that. Artie said that he's known Mutt's wife for a long time so he noticed that he brought her to the meeting and thought it was a little inappropriate. Howard said he guesses Mutt telling him that he should promote the other shows was a great thing to do and it became crystal clear to him that he should do that.
The guys spent a short time goofing on Mutt about him becoming an expert all of a sudden. Howard said that he wanted to ask him ''Mutt, don't you run a Stern fan web site?''
Howard played another prank call that Richard made to a public access show (Nori Vision norivision.com)where he kept asking the host how she was doing over and over again. They hung up on him but then Sal called in and got right on with her as well. He was doing a weird accent and made some rude comments to her as if he was Japanese. She took a couple of calls from both Richard and Sal. They were looking for some good callers but it was always Richard or Sal.
Artie said they have to do a game where they try and guess what accent Sal is doing because they're all mixed up. Howard continued to play the multiple calls that Sal and Richard were making to that show and they were relentless.
Howard replayed the Larry King audio clip where he called Andre Agassi 'Poncho Gonzales.' Artie said that Andre should have turned to him and called him an asshole.
Howard asked Granny if she ever touched herself when she was alone without her husband. She had no idea how to do that stuff so she never bothered to do it. Howard was telling her about the little button she has that she could rub to get off. She claims she has no idea what that stuff is about and she never bothered to do anything with it.
Artie asked her about having sex because she must have done it enough to have had a kid. She said that was actually an accident. She never even saw her husband's penis because he would keep it hidden from her. Howard asked her if she was uncomfortable talking about this stuff. She said that she was a little uncomfortable because she never really had sex. Howard asked her if she ever put his penis in her mouth. She said she never did that and she would probably scream out if she did.
Howard asked Granny if she knows what semen is. She had no idea. He spent a couple of minutes trying to figure out if she's retarded or something. She said that maybe she is. Richard came in and said that he would show Granny what a penis looks like if she wants. She said she's 84 years old today and doesn't need to see that stuff. She said she doesn't know what they look like and all she knows is that a man urinates through it. She has never even seen a statue of a man with a penis. Richard said he wanted to show it to her but Howard wanted to make sure she was up for it.
Howard told Richard to whip it out for her. Granny said she might pass out if he does it. He showed it to her and she let out an 'Oh my god!' and asked for something to drink. She claims she never saw anything like that before. She's only seen her own private parts. Richard told her that it won't bite her or anything. Artie said he was trying to get over the fact that Richard had pulled his penis out again.
Granny said that she had her granddaughter there with her today so she wanted her to come in. Artie thought that maybe Granny was going senile and was just forgetting about all of the sex stuff. Granny's granddaughter Stacy came in so Howard spoke to her for a short time. He asked her if she heard about her grandmother's Sybian ride. She did hear about that but didn't know what the Sybian was. Stacy, who is 24, said she's pretty sure her grandmother has no idea what sex is.
Howard asked Stacy if she and her grandmother wanted to ride the Sybian together. Stacy was up for it but she was saying that it's kind of disturbing that she doesn't know what sex is. Stacy said that sex makes you happy so Granny said that maybe that's why she's not happy. Howard had Gary come in to put the two of them on the Sybian together. They had never done anything like this on the show before. A grandmother and granddaughter on the Sybian together.
Gary said that Stacy was going to love this. He wasn't sure where to put Granny though so he had to move them around a bit. Artie told him to put her in the bathroom. Stacy said that Granny told her one time that when she and her husband had sex for the first time, they didn't know whereto put the penis so he put it under her arm.
Gary started up the Sybian and Stacy was feeling it just fine but Granny wasn't feeling anything. Artie told her to shove it under her arm. Granny was saying she wasn't feeling anything and she never even had sex in her life. She wouldn't shut up so Howard wanted to bring it to an end. Gary turned down the power and Granny said that she was feeling something.
Gary felt that if Stacy was on that thing alone she would really enjoy it. He got Granny off the thing and started the machine back up. Howard told Granny to be quiet so they could let Stacy do her thing on it. She wasn't into doing it in front of all of the guys though. She got her grandmother back on the machine and tried to get her to feel something. Granny was feeling it this time but she wouldn't shut up and kept rambling. Stacy said that she wanted to know if her grandmother had ever had an orgasm in her life. She said she had never had one and doesn't even know what it is.
Stacy was coaching her trying to help her get off on the machine but she would not stop talking. Gary told her she needs to just stop talking and try to concentrate on getting off. It didn't happen so Gary shut it down and had her get off the machine.
Howard asked Granny what she had to say to them today. She gave them a short rap and then told Howard that there's a woman out there claiming to be the Rappin' Granny but she's got that name copyrighted and she wants Howard to say something about it. She said she's had that copyright since 1987. Howard told her to get a lawyer and not to worry about it because she probably won't be alive much longer anyway. Granny said that the other Rappin' Granny is nothing to look at either and she believes that she's got a much better figure than the other one does.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this woman has to be lying because even an infant knows how to masturbate. Granny said she's not lying and she really has never done that stuff. Howard wrapped up with Rappin' Granny a short time later. She was leaving when Howard asked her if she ever met Abe Lincoln because he had cracked a joke about how his ring had fallen out of her as she was leaving.
Howard asked Granny who the first president was that she remembers. She said it was Clinton so Howard let her go since she seemed to be joking around. Artie threw in one more joke and said that she was born 2 years after the discovery of dirt.
Lisa came in and said that she overheard Bubba out in the hall talking about how he might have to defend himself it Dee throws a punch at him. She was also saying that Bubba is making a personal appearance in the city tomorrow and they'll be talking about that in Howard 100 News.
Howard read some mail about Artie in the middle of Lisa's news preview. He read one about Artie's weight and how huge he's gotten lately. Howard also read about an article about Artie where he was complaining about getting up early in the morning. Artie said he was just saying that getting up in the morning is the only thing that makes this job feel like real work. He claims he wasn't complaining about getting up early.
Howard got some mail about the way his eyes dart around in the room when he's doing interviews. He said he knows he does that and that's why he prefers to wear sunglasses in the studio. Howard read some mail about Eddie Van Halen's call to the show the other day. The guy went off on Eddie over some comments he made about Jimi Hendrix. Fred said he had to agree with the writer about that. Howard had some other mail about Steve O correcting them about the other mail they got about Steve's father being part of the Nabisco company. There's some controversy there so Howard said they'll find out more when Steve is on the show.
Howard said some people wrote in about the Cookie Puss segment that was number one on the Top 10 countdown. One woman was very happy that she got to hear it. Gary said that the Carvel company is very happy about that as well and offered to send Fred some Cookie Puss cakes if he wants.
Lisa G got back to her news report and let Howard know that Dancing with the Stars is going to be on tonight. Howard said he knows that it's on and he had to set up his TiVo last night to make sure he records everything he wants to watch tonight because there are some conflicts.
Howard asked Lisa what she thinks about people saying that she appears to be in love with him. She said that she has had dreams about a lot of the guys on the show. She was also talking about the summit meeting they had yesterday and how she would have liked it better if they had more of a sharing of ideas at the meeting instead of the speeches they were making. She said that she does have some ideas that she would like to share. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said that Bubba has been screaming about his ratings compared to Dee's ratings for years. Both of them claim that they had high ratings in the Hartford market so they're both going to have statistics to go over today. Howard said that Bubba was probably writing song parodies about him back then as well. He knows that they used to bash him about getting old and stuff but he's not sure if they had song parodies.
Howard said Bubba and Dee will be in next to go over all of that stuff. Howard said that Bubba didn't do that well against his show and Bubba would be the first to admit that.
Howard said that they're looking for women who want to get into porn because Tabitha Stevens is looking to get back into the business. He said that women who want to be part of that can call 888-9-ASSHOLE if they're interested. He went to break right after that.
Howard told Dee to calm down and said that Bubba has gained a few pounds lately. Robin said she thinks that he has 'retard strength' as well so he might want to avoid a confrontation. Dee told Howard and Robin that he had never heard of Bubba or heard his show. He said that he once did a show where he ate a human placenta on his show and then heard that this guy Bubba had eaten a placenta as well. That's all he really knew about the guy. He said after that he heard that Bubba was bashing him on the show and wouldn't stop.
Howard had the guys bring in Bubba and his producer Brent Hatley to talk about their ratings. Howard asked Ronnie if he was going to be able to handle this fight if it did break out. Ronnie said he'll do what he has to do.
Bubba and Brent came in but Dee had to ask which one was Bubba. He had no idea. Howard told Bubba about what Dee had just talked to them about and let them say what they had to say. Howard asked Bubba about why he bashed Dee so much back then. Bubba and Brent were both talking so Dee asked to talk to Bubba one on one. Bubba was saying that he does a real radio show and has people who work for him and help him out.
Dee said that Howard was the one who wanted them to patch things up. That's why he's there. Brent was saying that Dee did say something about them that was wrong and that was that they had a .5 rating in Hartford. That led to Bubba saying that he had his ratings listed and he had a 3.8 rating when he moved to Hartford. Dee had a problem with that and wanted to show the research he found on his show. Brent had everything listed and wanted to get into it so he read off some of the ratings.
Dee pointed out that some of the ratings he was giving were from a time after he was off the air so they were reading off their own ratings. Bubba went off on him saying that he was taken off the air because he was horrible and hard to work with. Bubba was bragging that he's won a bunch of radio industry awards and that Dee and David Lee Roth are both 80s has been rock stars who should stick to doing other things, not radio.
Dee brought in a note from the station manager who was looking to renew his contract that year. Dee also told Bubba that he doesn't care that he replaced him and he never said a bad word about him before he was on Howard's show earlier this year. Bubba told Dee to stick to doing what he knows and stay out of radio. Dee said he doesn't care about Bubba and he never had a beef with him before. He doesn't care that he was replaced by him. Dee told Bubba that he sided with management when he took over for him so he didn't think that was cool. He was also saying that he wasn't even around on the air when they were bashing him so he couldn't even defend himself.
Howard said that Dee did have good ratings when he was on radio there in Hartford. Bubba said he wasn't looking to bury the hatchet with Dee today because he really doesn't care about him. He said they were there because Dee bad mouthed them the last time he was on Howard's show. Howard wanted to know what it was about Dee that Bubba doesn't like about him. Bubba said that whenever he's got someone on his radar, he goes for the jugular and that's what he was doing with Dee back when he replaced him.
Brent was saying that the radio show that Dee is doing now isn't a real radio show and it's the morning drive time that's the big deal. Howard didn't understand how all of this got so out of control. Bubba was saying that he would bury the hatchet with this guy if Howard wanted but Howard said he doesn't have to do that if he doesn't want to.
Bubba said that he thinks that Dee's show wasn't renewed because he may have been a bit of a prima donna and it probably didn't have to do with his ratings. He said that can keep a guy out of the radio business. Bubba was saying that he knows that Dee wanted to do a show from his house and you just can't do that when you're trying to do a good radio show.
Dee said that a lot of what Bubba was saying was true but it's not true that they didn't want to renew his show. Howard said that there are a couple of guys, Kevin and Bean, out in L.A. who do a show from separate places and don't meet in the same studio and they're kind of successful. He said that's not the kind of show he does but it can work for some people. That got the guys into a discussion about doing shows like that. Bubba asked if he would exploit that if he was competing against someone like that. Howard said he would do that if he was up against someone like that.
Dee said that he wasn't on the radio to defend himself though so there was no reason for them to bash his show if he wasn't against them in the morning. Brent said that the people in the markets they were on in knew who Dee was and that's why they would do stuff like the song parodies they did. Dee said he gets that and he just wants Bubba and Brent to say that they were just doing it for those reasons, it was nothing personal.
Robin said that she's hearing that Bubba resents guys who are rock and rollers who think they can get into radio and do great. Dee was saying he's fortunate enough that he didn't have to live or die based on morning radio. He said that there are people out there who really do have to live or die based on their job.
Dee said he has paid his dues over the years though and he did work hard to make it in the rock and roll business. He said he got up at 4 in the morning and did his morning show and worked hard at it. Bubba said that they're both grasping at straws because Howard had a 21 share in Hartford while they were down around 8s and 3s.
Howard said he was hoping to see Dee and Bubba get into a physical fight but it just wasn't happening. Howard told Bubba that Dee is crazy and he would probably kick his ass. Bubba was talking about doing a fight for charity or something like that. Howard asked if they would really be up for that. Bubba is ready for it but Dee said that he's getting too old for that. Dee got up and went right over to Bubba and stood nose to nose with him.
Artie told Bubba that Dee seems to be in shape so Bubba was saying that he's in shape as well. There was some questioning of that statement since he's apparently gained a few pounds lately. Howard said he thinks there's something to this lightening up between the two of them. He said that they should move on from this. Robin asked them if they can be friends now. There was no answer because Bubba was upset with Artie about his comments about how fat he's gotten.
Howard said he thinks that Artie might be bigger than Bubba right now. The two of them stood together to show their sizes. Bubba was wearing a Harley outfit today so Dee pointed out that the two of them have something in common because they do both ride Harleys.
Captain Janks called in and said that the two of them have to box because they could raise a lot of money for charity. Dee said again that he's too old for that shit, he only fights if he has to. Hook Nose Mike called in and said that he thinks that Bubba is a rough customer and he could hold his own in the ring against Dee. Another guy called in and said that Dee deserves an apology for the shit that Bubba was talking about him. He also asked for Howard to take Bubba off his channel. Another caller was talking shit about Bubba as well so Bubba was saying that this appearance might not have been the best idea.
One caller said that Bubba is nothing without Howard but even Howard and Robin said that they had a career before they came over to SIRIUS. Howard took a call from Ralph who said that this is basically nonsense and he doesn't give a shit about this feud.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to beat Bubba's ass but he was only 5'8'' tall and 150 pounds. Another guy said that Dee had a pass with Howard when he was on in Hartford but Howard said that wasn't really the case either. He wasn't happy that Dee was competing against him and didn't talk to him for many years because of it.
Dee offered up a handshake to Bubba after Howard asked him if he was going to have drinks with him. Dee said he doesn't drink so he gave him the handshake instead.
Bubba wanted to leave but Robin said she wanted to talk to him about this car racing thing she and Bubba are going to do. She said she's going to racing school next week up at Pocono Raceway in Pennsylvania. She wants to beat Bubba's ass.
Robin also asked Bubba what's going on between him and his friend Gene Lasker. Bubba said Gene got upset when they were out at an autograph signing because he didn't have his own promo pictures to sign. Bubba said that Gene is a good guy but he gets a little full of himself sometimes. He said that Gene said some stuff to him off the air that wasn't cool and he took offense to it and tried to patch it up on the air.
Robin said that there was another show where Bubba set up a threesome for Brent with a porn star. Bubba spent a minute explaining how that all came about. They hooked Brent up with this porn star and her husband. Brent said that he and his wife went up to their room with the porn star. Bubba took out his rattler and said he gave Brent some Cialis to help him get it up. Dee said that he takes that stuff too because it does help you get recharged quicker. He and Bubba agreed that it takes you to the next level when you take it.
Brent said that he smoked some pot that night as well. He said that he had his wife and the porn star start doing their thing. They felt each other up, undressed each other. Brent said that he was smoking a bowl while they were doing that stuff. Howard asked Brent if he felt weird having his woman messing around with another woman. Brent said that's not a big deal to him.
Bubba said that he has some video of his guy Spice Boy banging the shit out of this chick Akira. He said that he'll be playing the audio on his show tonight.
Brent got back to his story and told Howard how his wife eventually invited him to join the party with the other chick. They all did things together. Brent said that he was doing the porn chick from behind while she was licking his wife.
Bubba told Howard that he gave Richard a Viagra so he should be boned up soon. Richard came in a short time later with his dick out and started to rub it on Ronnie. Artie was disgusted by Richard as usual. Howard said Artie is all stressed out from the Beer League premiere that's coming up tomorrow. Dee hadn't heard about the premiere so the guys had to fill him in. He said he may try to make it to the premiere tomorrow.
Richard said that Will had just thrown a bottle at his penis out in the hall. Bubba said that Richard told him yesterday that Spice Boy is a good looking guy. Artie said that Richard has to be a fruit. Richard said you don't expect radio guys to be good looking so he was surprised when he saw him. Bubba said that Richard was telling him that Spice Boy is ''quite the looker.'' Howard asked Richard if he wanted Spice Boy to go down on him or something. Richard said he's not looking for that but if he wants to throw a penny at his penis, he'd be up for that.
The guys didn't understand why he would want him to do something like that but Howard said if he's up for it, why not do it? Richard said that Spice Boy reminds him of KC.
Spice Boy came in and said that he was with Akira last night. Artie didn't know who she was until Bubba reminded him that she was the Asian chick that did the shocking-the-puss thing a few months back. Spice Boy was saying that he had a lot of fun with Akira when she was giving him oral and stuff like that. He said he's never had a chick begging him to make her dirty and things like that.
Spice Boy said he finds it kind of disgusting that Richard finds him attractive. He was willing to do the penny throwing thing though. Howard told him that maybe he would want to take a dildo and shove it up his ass. Richard wasn't up for that though.
Sal came in and asked if he could stick a vibrating stick up Richard's ass while they did the penny throwing thing. Spice Boy was throwing the penny at Richard' dick and Artie said Sal appeared to be jerking him off. At one point Richard got whacked in the penis with a shoe. He said that really hurt and there was a lot of yelling as it happened. Richard said the head of his penis was in pain but it should be okay. Artie told him that wouldn't have happened if he didn't have it out.
Artie said that he thinks the show jumped the shark at that point. Howard reviewed what had just gone on and how Spice Boy was throwing pennies at his dick and then took a sandal and whacked his cock. Artie said he felt bad for their new security guard because he looked like he was in shock. Richard said that Sal was whispering into his ear that he wanted him to whip his dick out so he could spit on it. Artie asked if he could go over to the Martha Stewart channel where they're doing more manly stuff.
Howard calmed everyone down and gave Dee a plug for his show Fangoria radio that he's doing there at SIRIUS on Friday nights. Sal was hocking up a big glob to spit on Richard's dick so Richard asked if he should do it. A short time later Sal spit on him. Artie was so disgusted that he was going to walk out of the studio. Howard asked Richard why he would do such a thing. Artie walked out so Bubba asked what his problem has been today. Howard said he's all stressed out about his movie premiere. Everyone agreed that what had just happened was really gay.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this stuff is really gay. That didn't stop them from doing more stuff. Richard went over to Bubba with his cock out so he got pushed around and then Sal was running around trying to do more stuff too. Artie came back in and said that Sal got really close to Richard's cock when he spit on it and it was really gay. Howard TV replayed the clip and the guys all went nuts when they saw that on the monitors.
Bubba got a dildo up his ass while the guys were wrapping things up. Everyone was laughing hysterically and there wasn't much of a description of what had just happened though. Bubba said it was a shock when it happened and he ended up sitting down on the couch with Dee to make sure it didn't happen again.
Howard got a picture of this porn chick, Donna Doll, that Brent had been with and said she was pretty hot. Bubba said that it was Sal who came in and shoved the vibrating dildo up his ass without knowing it was there. The Howard TV guys replayed that clip and showed how far Bubba jumped in the air when it hit his ass. Howard wrapped up with everyone and said that he never would have expected Bubba and Dee to have been sitting next to one another on the couch.
Howard asked Brent about the 9/11 conspiracy theories he has but as he was starting to talk Sal came in and hit him with the vibrating dildo. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to commercial break.
Howard was going to let the guy play the rest of the Big Foot Mark game that they started earlier. He quickly got back to that and played the next few questions for the guy. Here are the questions and Big Foot Mark's answers:
Artie brought up Pete Townshend at one point so that got the guys into a discussion about The Who. Howard said he's never been all that big of a fan of that band. He said there are a few songs that he likes enough. He had Fred playing some of their music and sang along to that.
Artie said that today is the anniversary of the last Yankee game he went to with his father back in 1985. He said his father fell off the roof a month later so they never got to go to another game after that.
Jon Hein was in for his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be trying to find out why Richard keeps whipping out his penis on the show. That may take up all of their time on the show today but they may also talk about Bubba and Dee's argument and about the Grandmother and Granddaughter Sybian ride today.
Howard said that Jon Hein made a speech at the summit meeting yesterday and people were so mesmerized that you could hear a pin drop during that speech. Howard also mentioned some of the funny things that Tim Sabean said during that meeting.
Howard read on the Drudge Report that Katie Couric's ratings have dropped even more this week since she moved to CBS last week. Robin said she heard that Rosie O'Donnell was upset about some things that they've been doing on The View lately. Howard asked Gary to get him some ratings information about that show so he can see how Rosie is effecting their ratings.
Howard said he likes Mutt and he's got a nice web site... He also does a good job on the Superfan Roundtable but he doesn't need his list of subjects that he wanted to cover at the meeting. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Mutt called in so Howard thanked him for the advice he was giving him at the meeting yesterday. He apologized if he was out of line yesterday. He said that he came into the city yesterday for the whole day and he brought her along everywhere so that's why she was at the meeting.
Howard asked Mutt what he was getting at as far as the things he was suggesting for the shows. He was saying he was suggesting that they include Scott Ferrall in the football pool. Howard said they wanted to get him in there but Scott's expertise is in college football.
Richard came in and told Howard that they stayed at Mutt's house one time and something weird happened there. He said that Sal was sniffing Mutt's 16 year old daughter's panties in the bathroom. Mutt said that he had them over because they were doing a comedy show right around the corner. Howard said he would never invite Sal to stay at his house because of stuff like that.
Sal came in and said that he didn't touch the daughter, he just sniffed her panties. Sal said he felt bad and told Mutt that he did it because he felt so bad. Mutt said he asked for lotion after that. Sal said she's hot and they have to get her on the show. Mutt said she's only 17 years old right now and it really is disturbing.
Richard said he thinks that Sal did something else that day and he may have been looking at some pictures on the computer. Sal said he did look at some porn but he didn't do anything. He didn't beat off to his daughter. He said he sniffed the panties because there was a stain in them. He once sniffed his aunt's panties as well one time. Sal said that he was looking at the porn to pass some time. He ended up going into the shower after that and her panties were laying right there on the floor. He said they were just sitting right there so he sniffed them.
Mutt said that he hasn't invited Sal back since then. Sal said he told Mutt the story the next day but Mutt claims that it was months later, not the next day. Everyone already knew about the sniffing by the time he told him about it.
Ralph called in and said that Mutt didn't get to on his list is the fact that you can hear Robin better if you turn up her microphone. Sal was saying that he really wants to get Mutt's daughter down there to see her in a thong. He said he'd do anything to see her. Gary told Sal that he sounds like a pedophile talking about how he ''couldn't help it'' when he saw the panties just laying there.
Gary said that he had another story about Sal to tell. Sal said he would tell it and told a story about going to a jack shack out in Portland, Oregon and there are no glass windows there. He said he went to this place and the chick started diddling herself. He was too freaked out to do it himself but that was the scene he described. You get in a room with the girl with no separation and get to whack off.
Howard is pretty sure that Sal beat off to Mutt's daughter. Sal said that she is hot as hell but he didn't beat off to her. Robin wanted to know what Sal is doing that he doesn't talk about. Artie said it's a good thing Mutt doesn't have a son because Richard might have done something to him. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who claimed to be one of the women who rode around with Artie out in Cleveland over the weekend while he was out there. He said that she was really hot. The woman, Therese, said that Artie didn't even try to get them. She said that he did say that he was going to go back to the hotel but he didn't really offer to bring them back with him. Artie is pretty sure that they would have said no to him if he had asked them to come with him.
Howard asked Therese if she would have gone back with him. She's really not sure, she was saying 'I don't know, I don't know.'' Howard took that as meaning it wasn't a done deal but it was a possibility. Artie said he told the girls he was going to go back to the hotel and have a drink so he thought that maybe they would have wanted to come with him. Therese said he didn't invite them, he just said he was going back to the hotel. Howard told Artie he's got to get the party going and work on doing that stuff. Howard asked Therese if she ever got her friend to do anything with her. She doesn't do that with her friend.
Artie said that he has gotten laid on the road before but the chicks have to be really aggressive with him. Howard asked her if she's into sex. She said that she's not all that crazy like that. She usually has a boyfriend. Artie has her phone number so he can call her when she's in town in November. She said she'd love to hang out with him because he's her favorite comedian.
Howard asked Artie why he didn't fly her in for his premiere. Artie just mumbled something and avoided talking about why he's not doing it. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and asked Therese if she would come in and ride the Sybian or get topless. She said she can't do that stuff and doesn't want to be on the air in the studio. Howard let her go after that.
Howard took a call from this guy Pauly who calls in each time Henry Hill is on the show. Artie said he met him out in Cleveland and he's a really nice guy. Pauly said that the girls were really nice but he knew that Artie wasn't going to get laid that night. He said he could have showed Artie a good time that night if he had gone out with him instead. Robin got back to her news a short time later. She wrapped up the news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he was cutting down his pubes last night because they were as long as his penis. He said it was kind of embarrassing. He said he didn't get to see Artie on Conan O'Brien's show last night. Artie told Howard that he got Conan to mention SIRIUS in an interesting way because he was getting kind of dirty.
Howard said he had to call into Bubba's show last night to calm him down over the Dee Snider thing. He said Bubba was feeling that he was thrown under the bus during the Dee Snider thing so he called in and assured him he wasn't doing that. The problem was getting through on their phone lines last night. He said it wasn't easy to get through to him on the hotline number he was given. He said that's always a problem at any radio station though.
Howard said he's got about 30 hotline numbers and none of them work. Gary said that there's supposed to be one number that follows around every show but he can't seem to make that work either. Howard said he was going nuts in his apartment trying to get through last night. He threw a tantrum but Beth was out working for Access Hollywood so she missed it. He said she thinks he's nuts when he throws tantrums like that.
Howard said that Beth also writes some articles and does photo shoots for these magazines and ends up wearing thongs and stuff. Meanwhile she refuses to show him her ass around the apartment because she's so self-conscious about it. He said that she gets so nuts over these photo shoots that she refuses to eat for weeks at a time. He said he could never make a living at doing those photo shoots. Robin said that if he had that ass, he would be doing those photo shoots.
Artie was telling the guys that he's been stopping by this coffee shop lately and there's this really hot chick who he sees there. He made eye contact with her yesterday but as he was walking away, he realized that he must look horrible. Then he just figured it was no big deal and she can look at him and see what he really looks like.
Howard said he's got a long day today and his hair stylist Toni was telling him that he could come in and get made up before Artie's premiere tonight. He isn't sure if he could get back in time to do that so he's just going to wash his own hair and do whatever he needs to. He doesn't care that much at this point. He was also saying that Ralph is supposed to help him get dressed but he's also figuring that he could just put his own suit on and get dressed alone.
Artie said that Ralph wanted to help him get dressed as well but he doesn't really care that much either. Howard told him that not caring is very liberating and he should just wear whatever he wants instead of wasting his day figuring it out.
Howard said he tries to dress himself and he ends up not looking all that great. Artie said he thinks that he looks good in suits these days because he's at the right weight. Artie said he was watching the old 9/11 and 9/12 specials they have up on Howard TV and he was looking so thin and tan back then.
Howard said he feels for Artie about this movie that he's got coming out this week. He said he knows he wants the movie to do well but on the other hand, he wants people to know it's just a 2 million dollar movie with a limited release.
Artie said that he's really in the spotlight since he's on Howard's show and if he lets everyone's comments about the movie get to him, he's going to go insane. There's also a lot of guys on the internet who are going to back the movie and that could drive him nuts. Howard gave Artie a ''Wah!'' for all of that and moved on to the next subject.
Artie said that Sal kind of did something disrespectful to Mutt during that conversation because he was telling him that he had sniffed his daughter's panties because they were gross and he was trying to scheeve out Richard. Howard said he thinks that Sal was very disrespectful to Mutt and his family and he shouldn't have been doing that crap at his house. Then he goes on the Wrap Up Show and brings up the molestation stuff. Howard seemed to think he was trying to get out of that Mutt thing with that but both Gary and Fred said that it wasn't really like that, they were trying to figure out why Sal would do something like that and that led to the revelation of the molestation.
Sal came in and said that he called Mutt a few times yesterday and posted an apology on SternFanNetwork yesterday. He said he feels really bad about all of this stuff and then started to get upset. He said he's not a pedophile and started to cry. He said that whatever he does or whatever he says he tries to make it interesting for the show. He sometimes doesn't realize how much it's going to hurt him or the people he's talking about. He said this girl doesn't deserve all of this and he really wasn't thinking about the consequences of what his comments would do.
Sal said he knows he has to figure out where the line is and stop going over it. He was sniffling and sounded like he was crying as he was giving this speech. He said he didn't intend to hurt this young girl and it was just a joke that really hurts him personally because he didn't want to hurt anyone else. He told Howard that he didn't want to lose his respect. Howard interrupted and said that he never had his respect so he shouldn't worry about it.
Artie gave Sal a big ''Wah!'' after his speech. Howard and Robin pointed out that Sal's make-up wasn't running while he was crying so that was impressive. Artie said that if Sal really did get molested and has sexual issues, he really should go see a therapist. Howard said he almost shit in his pants yesterday when he heard Artie giving Sal advice about going to therapy. Artie said he was never molested and he knows he's not normal... but Sal has been and may need help.
Artie said that Sal could really get into trouble if he did something like he did to some other guy. Gary said he's pretty sure that Sal didn't do anything illegal, it was just creepy. Howard said that he doesn't think that Sal is doing something sexual when he sniffs panties, he's just being goofy. Howard thinks that Sal would have sniffed Mutt's grandmother's panties if they were in that bathroom that day.
Joey Boots called in and said that he was there when he did the panty sniffing thing. He said he thinks he was just doing it as a goof that day and he wasn't doing it in a sexual way. Joey said he did tell Sal that it was wrong to do that because the girl was only 16 years old. Howard said that he doesn't know Mutt all that well but he's very impressed with his work on the station and he's very loyal to the show. He said that the guy might not ever trust Sal again after that though.
Artie said that if someone did that to him, he would fuckin' flip on the guy. Mutt has been very forgiving as far as anyone can tell. Sal said that if he closed himself in the bathroom and spent some time sniffing the panties, he would understand. He wasn't sniffing them in a private manner, he was doing it as a goof with Richard. Artie said he still thinks that Sal is way turned on by this girl and that even came out in his apology. Fred said that shouldn't have even come up in the apology.
Sal was still bringing up how attractive the girl is so Artie kept telling him that bringing that up is a problem. Gary said her looks keep coming up and they really shouldn't be talking about her that way. Artie said that Sal is very involved with his cock and balls and that's what everything is about.
Gary said he's seen Sal pull people to the side and ask people for the Sybian attachments. He asks for them off the air and doesn't always do that stuff on camera. That's kind of disturbing as well. Artie said that Sal is always involved with 'the booths' and screwing around with Richard on the show. He just wants him to put that thing away.
Gary asked Sal who got to him about this stuff yesterday. Sal wouldn't give details but it sounded like his wife got to him and made him do this. Gary said that when Sal started to apologize it was like the Jackie apology in tone and delivery. Howard said that they could do a whole weekend of apology shows and crying shows now.
Artie said that he's glad he hasn't shed a tear on the show yet so he's lucky in that way. Joey told Artie he's got another 4 and a half years to cry on the show. Artie said he does cry so it could happen some day.
Sal said he thinks of the goof first and not about the consequences of what he does. Robin said that's what they've been telling him for a long time now. Sal said he's going to go to therapy over all of this stuff so the guys asked him if he would do the Meet the Shrink show so we can all hear it.
Gary wondered if they're partially responsible because they encourage Sal to go over that line. Howard said that's crazy and they're not responsible for what Sal does. Fred said that Sal doesn't do all of that stuff for the show, he was just doing that for Richard and Joey Boots when he sniffed those panties.
Howard heard that Sal took a shit for the Howard TV guys the other day. Gary said he saw it and Sal sits about a foot off the toilet so you see the shit coming out and falling into the toilet. The Howard TV guys had it up on the screen so they played that for everyone. Some of the guys said they couldn't watch. Artie had no desire to see it so he didn't watch. Everyone else was grossed out by it.
Sal said he's going to be starting therapy as soon as possible. He said it may stop once his wife lets him back in the house. Howard asked Fred to pull Sal's apology from when he made some racist remarks on the Wrap Up Show. Fred dug around and found one of those clips. Everyone laughed as they listened to his crazy apology. Joey Boots was laughing when he heard Sal say he wasn't a racist. Howard also pointed out that Sal cried on the show one other time when he was trying out for the job there.
Gary said that they did a whole chronology of what Sal said on the show and then on the Wrap Up Show throughout the morning. He wanted Howard to play some of that but Howard went to the final clip where Mutt confronted him on the Wrap Up Show. By then Sal was saying it was a joke but Mutt said that it wasn't a joke and he didn't tell him about the panty sniffing for months. Sal had claimed it was the next day but Mutt said it was months later. Joey Boots was laughing again when he heard that.
Artie said that Howard has surrounded himself with people who are nuts. They're all nuts on the show. Robin said that Howard does like insane people and they've gotten close to getting into trouble over that over the years. Artie said he remembers the first time he was on the show telling his coke stories and Howard saying that he loves out of control people.
Robin said that Howard wanted to have a sportscaster on the show when they were working in Washington DC and he found a guy who was completely nuts and ended up melting down. The guy was in the corner in the fetal position at one point and they couldn't get him out of the building.
Artie said that he's let Howard borrow a DVD and he got it back to him very quickly in the same condition that he gave it to him in. Most people aren't like that. Howard said he was raised like he was in the taliban so everything he does is very orderly and neurotic. Joey told him that's not such a bad thing. Howard agreed and said it really isn't. Howard said that if he tells someone he's going to do something, he's going to do it.
Howard played more of Sal's comments from the Wrap Up Show where Sal was talking about what he had done and how he realizes it was wrong. He kept bringing up the fact that Mutt's daughter was hot. Artie said that's a very sexual comment and Mutt doesn't want to hear that stuff.
Joey told Howard that he's taking his first lesson today for a pilot's license now that he's been sober for 205 days. Everyone sighed when they heard that. Fred played some airplane sounds and eventually a crash. Artie told Boots that he's celebrating his 4000th day not flying his own plane. Boots offered to let him come up with him sometime but Artie said that's not going to happen.
Howard had Storm Large from Rockstar Supernova on the phone. He said that he doesn't get her name so she told him that it's her real name and she would have come up with something better if she was making up a name. Howard said that everyone on that show tries to be young but they're much older than they appear. Storm said that she's pushing 40. Howard said that's surprising, he didn't know she was that old. He said they all try to come off like they're 15.
Howard said the best part of that show is that the guys in the band are wearing gloves and taking their shirts off like rock stars do. It's like they're all just posing. Howard asked Storm what she thought about Brooke Burke. Storm said she was so sweet but Howard said that she sucks the life out of the show. Storm said that Brooke has been pregnant during this shoot so maybe she's been trying not to puke the whole time.
Robin said that Brooke doesn't appear to be into rock and roll and delivers all of her lines in that monotone of hers.
Howard asked Storm if she was bummed when she got kicked off the show. She said it wasn't so bad and she's been very busy since getting kicked off. She said she's going to be working with Dave Navarro on a song as well. Howard said that Dave should keep his shirt on because he does have some man titties that he should keep covered up.
Howard asked Storm about how bad Supernova's music is. She said that she thought the songs were pretty good but they do need to be road tested a little bit. They were testing them out on the show. She said some of them may take some time to get broken in and get people used to them.
Howard asked Storm what she was wearing. She said she wasn't wearing anything so Howard talked about her nice body. Storm was saying that Tommy Lee was flirting with just about everyone on the show and he even flirts with statues so she doesn't take them as sexual advances. Howard said that he can't imagine Supernova having any hit songs.
JD came in and said that Supernova is going out on tour and they're going to bring some of the finalists who were kicked off to perform with them. They're also going to have Dave Navarro's band opening up for them. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Storm about who she thinks is going to win. That led to Howard asking Storm about doing lesbian stuff. She said she's done that but she's very monogamous these days. She did all of the crazy stuff when she was younger.
Howard said that Storm has some small tattoos down near her vagina so he asked her about those and then wrapped up with the interview. He asked Storm if she knows how the ratings are with the show. She really didn't know. Howard said that he's a big fan of the show and thanked her for calling in. She said that she's a filthy mouthed performer and she wanted to thank Howard for what he's done on radio because she couldn't do it without people like Howard fighting for free speech. She got in one plug for her web site StormLarge.com and Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said that he played a clip of Jeff the Drunk saying he didn't want to go see Artie's new movie the other day but someone told them that they saw Jeff out in Central Park sleeping on a bench this morning. Howard figured he's trying to get into the premiere today. Howard said this cop swears he saw Jeff out there this morning so they'll have to see what happens tonight. Howard played Jeff's message and Artie put the word out that no one wants him there at the premiere.
Howard had some new prank calls to play after that. He said that they had Big Foot Mark calling a U-Haul place trying to get a truck. He said he needs a truck right away. They didn't have one so he asked if they had storage. The guy said he didn't have any so Mark asked him what he did have. The guy said he's got a big cock so Mark asked if he could suck it. The guy threatened to beat the crap out of him if he showed up down there and hung up on him a short time later.
Howard said that Richard and Sal have been calling some public access shows and in the latest one Richard was playing sound effects in the background as he was talking to the hosts of the show. They hung up on him each time he tried to play them.
Howard played another prank call to a show where this guy talks about the Yankees. The guy was on his show one time talking about his very long penis. Richard called in and said he heard he had a really long pecker. The guy hung up on him so Sal called in and asked him if he's ever cum in his own mouth. The guy hung up on him as well and took another call from Richard and then said he wasn't going to take anymore calls. A short time later he took another one from Richard, got all pissed off and hung up on him again. Richard called back a few more times and the guy kept taking them.
Fred said that letting Sal continue to do what he's doing is wrong. The caller didn't think that Sal did anything wrong and he doesn't want him to stop doing what he's doing. The guy also said that he wanted to ask Sarah Silverman a question about her tight little snatch when she comes in later.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard not to do anything gay today. Howard told him that there will be no gay stuff on today's show, they have a couple of hot chicks coming in to do stuff today. A woman called in and told Howard that Artie as great on Conan last night even though he didn't have a long segment like he did on Dave's (Letterman) show.
Another caller said that Artie did a back flip on Conan last night and showed his ass crack on national TV. Artie said he didn't do a back flip, he just tumbled out and ended up hurting his back when he did that. He was doing that because they had done a bit with Zach Braff by having a stunt guy do a back flip.
Gary said that Jessica has been on the show before and the last time she was on she was looking for her long lost lover but she didn't know his last name. She said that she was so into the guy that she didn't hear him say what his last name was when she was talking to him.
Jessica said she's a courier and works as an independent contractor. She said that's just one of her jobs though and she has about 5 others. Howard asked her why someone would call her instead of FedEx or UPS. She said that they're cheaper, that's why.
Howard asked her if she likes blowing guys. She said that she didn't used to like that but she does now. She said that the guy she's with now is kind of noisy when they're doing it as well. Howard asked Jessica to get naked for them since she was saying that she doesn't have a problem being nude. She took her clothes off and Artie was impressed with her boobs. Howard asked to see her ass and he seemed to like what he was seeing. She ended up taking off her panties because she said she would get completely nude. She was completely shaved according to Howard.
Artie said she's obviously never had kids because her stomach was flat. She said she loves animals and those are the only feet she wants to hear running on her floors. Jessica remembered being on the show the last time and Robin's cat had a seizure that morning but Robin just stepped right over it and came to work instead of taking it to the vet. Robin told her that the cat was fine. She took the cat to the vet after work and it was okay.
Howard asked Jessica about the blow job she offered Artie and where they would do it. Artie said that it wasn't going to be at his apartment, he said that they could probably do it in the limo. He said they could park it somewhere and make that happen.
Howard asked Jessica how fast she would make things happen with Artie. She said she likes to tease so it wouldn't happen that fast. Artie asked her if she would mind if some crumbs from a slice of pizza landed on her head while she was doing it. She didn't seem to mind if that happened.
Sal came in and asked if she would be willing to simulate her oral sex skills on a dildo. She said that's not happening because she's probably going to be disowned by just riding the Sybian today. She also let the guys know that she can only orgasm if she's in one position with a guy. She said she has to be on her back and a guy has to have his weight on her to get off. She's pretty sure that she won't get off with this machine.
Hook Nose Mike called in and said that Artie isn't going to get anything from this chick because he's too much of a pussy. He said that she's not going to do anything to him.
Howard had Jessica get situated on the Sybian. She said she's got OCD and was afraid to get on it until she knew that they disinfected the machine every time after it's used. Gary said they definitely do that every time. Howard said he felt that Artie really liked this chick. Gary was giving Jessica some pointers on where to sit on the Sybian. Howard had the Howard TV guys turn down the lights so it was dark in the studio.
Gary started the machine out slow but Howard had him turn it up to about 50 percent. Jessica was feeling it so Howard asked her if she wanted more juice. She okay'd it so Gary turned it up. She said the vibration really goes through her whole body. Gary jacked up the power even more and continued to try and get her off. She said it was arousing her but she wasn't sure she was going to get off. Gary turned it up to 100 percent and she was afraid that she was going to get numb before anything happened. She said it was making her quiver.
Jessica told Howard she would come close to having an orgasm but it would go away. She started to moan and kept saying 'Oh my God' over and over again. She then said she was cumming and finished a short time later. She said she didn't think it was going to happen for her but it really did. She said she's almost impossible to get to orgasm and this machine did it for her. She said they should put her in the ad with the creator of the machine because it really is tough to get her off.
Jessica got off the machine and thanked Howard for that because it really was good. She said she was very embarrassed that she came in to do this. She thought she had a limit to what she would do on the show but that was obviously wrong because she did come in and ride it. Artie told her that she's bat shit crazy, that's why she came in and that's why they love her.
Gary said that he'll make sure that Jessica walks the red carpet with him if Artie doesn't want to do it. Artie said that he will have his mother and sister with him in the limo on the way to the movie so he won't be able to get the blow job in there. Howard thanked Jessica for coming in and let her go. Gary asked if they should put a new attachment on the machine for Sarah Silverman. Howard told him to go ahead and do that.
Howard said he thinks that Jessica's orgasm was for real, she wasn't faking it. Jessica said she doesn't fake orgasms because that's mean to do to guys. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about faking orgasms. Howard went to break after that.
Sarah said that she really can't sit on it because Jimmy (Kimmel) would kill her. Gary told Sarah that Carmen Electra rode the Sybian and so did Cameron Diaz (she didn't) trying to convince her that she could take it for a ride. Sarah said she really can't ride it, she was just kidding when she said she wanted to try it.
Howard offered to let Sarah take the Sybian home for the weekend to try it out. She said she was in the city for the rest of the week doing some promotion and doing a comedy show at a new club called Comix. She pointed out that the name is spelled with an X and how funny that is. She was being her usual sarcastic self when she said that of course. Artie said he came up with a great name for a club and it would even say where it was at... Hojoken.
Howard said that when he hangs out with Sarah and Jimmy he always feels like he's got to be on because they're always throwing out jokie lines. He said he can't come up with that stuff that quick.
Howard said that Jimmy was on the phone to tell her to ride the Sybian but it turned out to be a fan pretending to be Jimmy. Howard said that Jimmy and Sarah are never going to get married. Sarah is saying that she will not get married until gay people are legally allowed to get married. Howard said he latched onto that and said that he's going to say the same thing. Artie said he's not going to have children until gay people are allowed to have children.
Howard and Sarah talked about the time they've spent hanging out together. Howard said he never bad mouths Jimmy and Sarah on or off the air like he does with so many other people. He said he really loves Jimmy and he's just a great guy. Howard said that Sarah is great too and she gets to bang Jimmy. Sarah said that they have a lot of good belly laughs when they hang out.
Sarah said that she adores Howard and swoons for both Howard and Jimmy. Howard wondered whose side he would pick if the two of them broke up. Sarah said that she can't imagine them breaking up so he shouldn't worry about that. Howard said he's not sure if Sarah and Jimmy ever have sex and he can't see her doing something like that because she's so pure. Sarah said that they do have sex. She even demonstrated a position for him.
She told Howard that she and Jimmy came home one night and she just said out loud that she had fucked the shit out of him the night before. They didn't realize their neighbor lady was standing right there. Howard asked Sarah if she thinks Jimmy is good in bed. She said he is so Howard said that he figures that he's the kind of guy who would buy a book on sex and learn how to do it better.
Artie said that he saw Jimmy and Sarah out in California one night and She offered to drive Jimmy's kid home that night. He said it was really sweet and nice that she would do something like that for Jimmy.
Howard said that he was hanging out with Sarah one day and they walked into town and she started yelling at the town kids. She walked past a young girl who was wearing a t-shirt and a bikini bottom and she yelled at her to put some pants on. Sarah said she didn't even realize she did that until Howard pointed it out.
Howard said he read that Sarah still smokes pot and that was brought up in an interview she did. Sarah said that she does do a little pot because she doesn't drink. She said she'll eat pot brownies instead of a glass of wine. She said she's a lightweight though and can't smoke it too much.
Sarah told Howard about how she went to a shrink when she was about 13 because she was kind of depressed. That guy gave her some Xanax. She said that's one reason she wouldn't want to have kids of her own because she'd be afraid of passing along the depression.
Jimmy Kimmel called in so Howard asked him why he thinks that Sarah is depressed. Jimmy said that she's not depressed as long as she takes her pills. They make sure she takes them every day so he doesn't know what she's like without them. Artie said he's read about this new chip that they can put in people to make them not depressed and he's thinking of trying that himself. He doesn't like the pills.
Howard asked Jimmy and Sarah if they had sex in his house when they stayed over. Jimmy said they did but Sarah was saying that they didn't at the same time. Jimmy also told a story about a swan that showed up at Howard's house and started chasing them. They ran away from it and that's when Jimmy wondered what kind of men they were.
Jimmy was calling in to promote the new show that's on tonight on ABC. It's a prime-time version of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Howard gave him a plug for that and gave Sarah a plug for the comedy show she's doing at this new place Comix tonight. She's doing the show with other people like David Space, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and others.
Howard asked Sarah why he's on these anti-depressants and why she doesn't try getting off of them to see what happens. She said she'll try it next year when she goes on vacation with Howard. Howard wasn't sure he wanted that to happen at that time.
Jimmy asked why Eric the Midget hasn't flown on balloons yet. Howard said they could ask him because he was on the phone. Howard put him on and asked Eric if he's a fan of Sarah's and Jimmy's. Eric said good morning to them and not much else. Howard asked Eric why he has not yet flown with balloons. He didn't let him answer and told Jimmy that Eric recently asked him to sign a document that would say he's responsible for anything that happens to him. Howard said that Eric will probably fake an injury and take him for all he can. Eric said he's not going to do that.
Jimmy said that he doesn't think that Eric is that kind of guy and someone must have gotten a hold of him and that's why he's asking for this. Eric said that he never said he had a lawyer, Howard is putting words in his mouth. Howard asked Eric what the real hang up is. Eric said that he was going to do it last night until some jackass on SFN said that he was going to post his address on the site. He said he doesn't want anyone holding stuff like that over his head.
Jimmy said he's been looking forward to this whole thing with Eric since he first heard about it. He said he's been waiting and waiting for a long time now. Eric said that he will not be flying the balloons outside of his wheelchair. Howard said he wants him to fly like Superman with his arms and legs out. Jimmy said he can't imagine them flying the whole wheelchair. He said that he doesn't want anyone to see him out of the wheelchair. Howard said they could create a sack to hide his body from people if that's what he wants. Sarah suggested putting him in a baby crib.
Howard asked Eric if he would do it if Sarah flew with him. Sarah said she would do it. Eric said he would feel vulnerable out of the wheelchair if they made him do it like that. Howard told Eric that he would stop calling him midget if he did it and he'd call him ''Eric Kneival'' instead.
Eric said that he wanted to get in a plug for a web site of a guy who is paying him. He said it's SuperfanOnline.com. He also put the word out to Mutt that if his address is posted on SFN to please remove it and get rid of the guy.
Howard let Eric go and took some other phone calls. One guy asked her to do an F, Marry, Kill game with Letterman, Leno and Conan. Sarah was thinking hard about her answer because she had to do some of the shows. She said that she would like to fuck and marry Letterman. She eventually said that she would fuck Letterman, Marry Conan and Kill Leno. She didn't sound all that thrilled about her own answers though.
The caller had another F, Marry, Kill for Sarah but Howard hung up on him and put John Boy on the line. He wanted to know about the revelation she made a few years back about her tight pussy. He asked her if Jimmy is stretching her out with his big cock. She said he is and John Boy said that he can see it on his show when he watches. John Boy said that he was treated like a king when he went on Jimmy's show one time and they're very classy over there.
Howard took a couple more calls and one guy suggested that Howard replay Jimmy crying on his show after 9/11. Robin said that he cries a lot on his show. Jimmy said that he doesn't cry on his show that much it's just that the only time they watch is when he cries. He said that even if Fred died, he would be a mess on the air on his show. One phone caller asked Howard if he's ever seen Sarah's muffburger. Howard said he never has seen that but he has seen her in a bathing suit and she's got a great body and great boobs.
Howard played some of Jimmy crying on his show and then got Eric back on the phone because he was pissed that he had been hung up on earlier. Howard told him that he has to keep the show moving. Eric said that he would be willing to come in on the first week of October to do that balloon thing but that guy pissed him off. Howard hung up on him mid-sentence again. Robin said that he keeps changing his mind so it doesn't hold up if he claims he was going to do it because even if he agreed to do it, he would probably change his mind again.
Artie told Howard how great it is when he does Jimmy's show because they have such a great set up out there. He said that the hotel is great as well. Howard brought up the game show that Jimmy is going to be hosting soon and how great that job will be. Howard said he wants an easy game show to host like Regis did with Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He said he's really jealous that Jimmy is getting paid a ton of money to do the game show. Jimmy said that it takes forever to tape those shows because things are always breaking on the set.
Sarah told a story about Jimmy's game show and how he had the audience chanting 'White Power' for some reason. That led to Howard talking about how they had the late Big Foot Matt go to Millionaire with Robin when she was on the celebrity version.
Jimmy said that the show he's doing should do well because it is pretty compelling to watch. Robin said that he's already shot all of his shows and that's the great thing about game shows. They can shoot a bunch of them in a day.
Howard said that he loves Jimmy and Sarah and they did something very nice for him when they were over. They took pictures of his dog and had them developed and framed for him the next day. Howard wrapped up with both of them and gave Jimmy a plug for the DVD release of Windy City Heat which is a movie that he helped produce. Howard said that was one of his favorite movies. Howard said that Sarah is also in a new movie called ''School for Scoundrels'' which is coming out later this month.
Howard asked Sarah about working with Billy Bob Thornton since he's in the movie with her. She said he was very cool and talked about just about anything she asked about. Howard also asked her if she would be willing to do any lesbian stuff for Jimmy. She said she wouldn't do that unless it was just for Jimmy. She has no desire to do that stuff on her own.
Howard had to wrap up after that because he had a woman waiting to come in to ride the Sybian. Sarah said she wanted to stay and watch. Howard was shocked to hear that and wondered if it would inhibit the other woman. He told her she could stay if she wanted to. He asked Jimmy if he would be upset if Sarah sat on the Sybian in her clothes. He said it might not be a great idea but he didn't think it would be a problem. He said he'd be worried that she'd start farting if she rode it. Sarah said she doesn't do that stuff and he knows it. He's just saying it because he knows it's disgusting.
Jimmy said that Sarah rarely takes a dump in front of him and she hardly goes at all. She said that she actually likes to watch him pee though. She likes to pretend that she's going to stick her finger in the stream and then he jerks it toward her, she screams and runs away.
Howard let Jimmy go and said that Sarah could stick around for the Sybian thing. Sarah was telling Howard how much she likes his show and he said that he thinks of her as such a proper lady that he's surprised she'd want to stick around. He went to commercial break right after that.
Howard said he doesn't understand this story that's in the paper this morning. There's a picture of a drone plane in the NY Post this morning and it took a picture of about 190 terrorists at a funeral in Afghanistan but they didn't bother dropping bombs on them. It was the same Taliban that caused the 9/11 attacks and our country won't bomb them because we have a law against bombing cemeteries. Howard said we had them in our cross hairs and they didn't bother blowing them up just because they were in a cemetery. Howard said there should be no rules in a war like this. It makes no sense to him at all. He said we could go and change the rules but now it's too late.
Artie said that you can't fight terrorism fairly because they don't fight fair themselves. Howard said the military has their hands tied over this law and now we've missed out on a great chance to destroy those 190 Taliban members.
Howard was going to play some of Artie's Conan appearance from last night but he said that Wayne Siegel wanted to go to the premiere tonight. Artie said that he could come if he wanted so Gary said he'd contact him and let him know. The caller asked if Howard had anymore tickets for the premiere. Howard didn't have any left and Artie said he really couldn't let him come because it's so tight there.
Howard got to the Conan appearance and played some audio where Artie talks about doing Entourage. He told Conan about biting Leslie Bibb's ass for the scene he was doing on that show. He went through the whole story and goofed on the guy that Leslie was dating because he's a doctor.
Artie also got after Conan for not seeing his movie while he had seen Zach Braff's movie. Artie had the audience laughing pretty hard a few times during the interview.
Howard asked Brent what he did last night. Brent said that he and Spice Boy went out and met a bunch of military guys who are going to be shipped off soon and he realized that it's possible that they won't be coming back from Iraq.
Howard talked about how we have to get a new President in and get our troops out of Iraq already. He let Brent go a short time later. He told him he'd see him later tonight at the premiere. Robin told Brent that she was reading an article about the collapses of the World Trade Center buildings in 9/11 and the writer was saying that his conspiracy theories are all wrong and things happened just as they appeared to happen that day. Brent said that he still believes that something went on and he believes that our government would lie to us about this stuff because they have lied to us about stuff in the past.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about how they should handle Iraq. He said that we should threaten to blow them up with a nuclear weapon if they don't get their act together and calm the fuck down. He seems to think that they're so uptight over there because they can't even see their women who are covered up with sheets. He said that if they could get laid, they might calm down a little bit.
Howard read some mail about the Rappin' Granny and her granddaughter riding the Sybian. One guy wrote in about how his SIRIUS radio was stolen from his car and how upset he was when that happened. There was some feedback about Bubba's appearance on the show yesterday with Dee Snider. Some people thought Bubba was right about Dee being a whining bitch. There were others who thought the fight was a waste of time. The e-mail seemed to be split on that subject.
Howard said that some people have been complaining about how gay the show has gotten lately. There were some people defending Mutt over what Howard was saying about him yesterday. Howard said he loves Mutt and doesn't have a problem with him.
One writer told Howard that Stuttering John is going to be on some show called the Carlson and McKenzie show up in Boston. Howard said he doesn't mind that and John can go on any show he wants.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he's not down in New York City like it was reported this morning. He said he will not be at the premiere and he wishes Artie all the luck in the world with his movie. Artie figured he was changing his tune since he left the voice mail the other day about how he was never going to see the movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he was nuts talking about bombing Iraq with a nuclear bomb. Howard said if you're going to go into a country and not follow through on the threats, it's no going to work. Howard said that he's not being a tough guy like the caller said he was. He said he's just being a realist. He said we never should have gone into Iraq in the first place but since we are in there, we should be fighting to win. Howard was still pissed about the 190 Taliban that were left alone in that cemetery.
Robin said she played against Mark on Celebrity Jeopardy and he beat her back then. She said she bets she could beat him now.
Artie said that he's going to be on Jim Breuer's show today since Jim is in the movie. He said he's going to hang out with him on his show then the two of them are going to head over to the premiere. Artie said that he's going to go home and take a nap before going to Jim's show and he's pretty sure he won't sleep through all of that.
Howard asked Artie if he's heard from Dana recently. Artie said he hasn't heard from her in a week now. Howard went into his Dana impression and made a call to him through his megaphone. He was crying and wishing him luck with his movie as Fred was playing some sad piano music.
Howard asked Artie if he invited any of the wack packers to the movie. He said he didn't invite them but he thinks that there's a whole faction of them that are going to show up. He said he's pretty sure that Double A is going to be there. Howard got back to his Dana call and brought up the blow job that he might be getting from that Jessica chick. Fred played some gagging oral sex sounds as he was talking about that.
Steve said that Artie will be talking to them about his appearance on Conan O'Brien's show. Howard told Steve that Dana had just called in and went back into his impression again. Howard pretended to be at Dana's apartment hanging out with her.
Steve said that they have an interview with Steve Grillo who is in negotiations to do a show there on Howard 101 but he's apparently looking to get paid. Howard interrupted and did his Dana thing again but this time Ted Kennedy was at her apartment and he was going to drown her dog for Artie. He did his Kennedy impression for a short time and goofed on Artie a little more.
Steve wrapped up his news preview and then Gary came in and said that Jessica was still there from her Sybian ride earlier and she was claiming that her labia had blow up since the ride and she wondered what was going on. Howard let Gary bring her back in and said that maybe it's her OCD coming though. She said that her lips look pumped up now. She showed them what they looked like and thought that they were huge. Howard told her they looked the same as they did earlier in the morning. She wondered if she was the only one who complained about that happening. Howard said she's the first. Fred told her to go ice them down or something. Howard told her that she has a very pretty vagina and she shouldn't worry about it.
Howard let Jessica go and did a little more of his Ted Kennedy impression. He had Jon Hein give his show preview after that. Jon said that they'll be talking about Sal's tearful apology from earlier in the morning. They'll also be talking about Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel's appearances on the show today. Howard wrapped up with him and had Robin get right into her news. She finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
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Howard started off the show talking to the big star of 'Beer League' since they all went over to see the premiere of his movie. He said that the movie was great and everyone seemed to like it. Robin said she got a lot of belly laughs from the movie but she ran right out of there after it was done. She said she just had to get out of there and back to her hotel.
Howard told Artie he should have the movie reviewed because it really is a good movie. Artie said some of the other guys thought that they should keep it from the reviewers though. Artie said that a review would be free advertising as well. Howard told him that Beth was saying that her brothers would like the movie as well and she was loving it herself.
Artie said that he was impressed with what Frank Sebastiano did with the movie because he made the audience care about him and his on screen girlfriend. Robin mentioned that Dana was in the movie for a quick moment but Howard said he missed that.
Howard said that the movie really is good and his expectations were kind of low for it so it was a nice surprise. He said that Artie can really act and he's never gotten to shine like this. He told him that Frank did a great job making it look great. Howard said he liked the guy who played his nemesis in the movie and he later found out that he weighed 300 pounds. Artie said that guy was a great find and they actually cast him from a tape.
Artie said that this guy Seymore Cassell was great in the movie. Howard said that Cara Buono was very good as Artie's girlfriend. He and Robin were talking about how great their New Jersey accents were. Artie told some stories about how they cast some of the people in the movie. They found Cara in an episode of Law and Order and they gave her a call and got her for the movie. He said that Ione Skye came in and read for that part but she was almost too hot and not Jersey enough for the movie.
Robin said she loved to see the cameos of the people they have on the show like Nick DiPaolo and Jim Florentine. Howard said Colin Quinn was there last night and he was laughing his ass off. Howard said he was sitting with Artie's family and had his mother and sister sitting with him. He said that Artie's sister was out on the red carpet handing out tickets to the family when he got there. He said there was like a pack of aunts that showed up and they were tall telling him how excited they were.
Howard congratulated Artie on the movie and said that it was a great effort. He said he knows he's having a nervous breakdown over the whole thing.
Gary said that he was heading over to the after party and a ton of people were following them over like they could get them in. He said that there was one guy who was told to show up but he hadn't hooked up with Artie. Gary said he stood out front and let in a bunch of people. He was saying that Artie told a lot of people to show up. He also gives out his phone number to a lot of people.
Howard said that Gary kind of became the guy who took care of everyone getting into the party. He said he heard that Scott the Engineer was told he wasn't going to walk the red carpet. They ended up jerking him around and sending him in through the side entrance. Scott said he walked up to someone and asked where he was supposed to go. He walked over to get a wrist band and they told him he could just walk right in. He went back and showed his invitation to the guard and they told him to go back and get a wrist band.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that he tried to help Scott get in there but Scott didn't want his help so he just let him do his own thing. He said he had an attitude and he didn't handle it very well. Ronnie told him that the guy he was talking to wasn't a security guard, he was running the whole thing. He tried to get Scott's attention and tried to ask him what the problem was.
Howard said that Scott really did get jerked around and he's not sure why he said he didn't. Ronnie said that he heard Scott was eating everyone's popcorn. Scott said he wasn't doing that, he had a little bit of the popcorn that Doug Goodstein brought over to their group. Howard said that giving out the popcorn at the event was a great thing because Beth had a huge thing of popcorn for herself.
Gary told Howard that Ronnie has been busting Scott's balls over this Tony Stewart thing that started a couple of months ago. Ever since Tony met Scott, he has been dropping down from the top 10 in his NASCAR races. Ronnie said that as of this past weekend he's out of the championship chase. Howard asked Artie if he thinks Scott should have been at the movie premiere. Artie just laughed.
Scott told Artie that the movie was great and you know it's good when you miss lines because of the laughter. Artie said that he was more nervous at the premiere than if he was performing live somewhere. He said you have some control over something like that and he had no control over the movie since it was already done. He said that every screening has gone well so far.
Howard left Artie a message when he got home to congratulate him. He said he told Beth that he just had to call him but he knew it was going to be hard to get through to him. He was going to have sex with Beth in the new dress she had for the premiere. He said she was just about nude in the dress she was wearing. He was telling people outside that she had forgotten to wear pants.
Howard said he and Beth got home and wanted to watch the finale of Rockstar Supernova. Robin told him that Jimmy Kimmel's show was on last night as well but he had forgotten about it by that point. Howard said he looked for Artie's number and eventually found it. He left the message and then rolled on top of Beth and gave her a hug with his underpants off. That's how he warns her that he's ready to go.
Ronnie came in and said that Artie's sister looked smokin hot last night. He apologized and said he hopes it doesn't sound like a Sal moment. Robin said that she was talking to Ross Zapin's wife Melissa there at the premier and a bunch of guys were asking who she was and saying that she had great tits.
Robin thought that Howard showed up kind of late to the premiere but he thought he was there pretty early. Artie said that he wanted to take pictures with everyone but Robin had already gone on by the time he got there. Howard said he heard that he heard that the walk down the red carpet was going to start at 7 but it was actually the movie start time.
Gary said that someone asked him to step away when Maria Menounos and he were taking pictures. He said that was kind of embarrassing. Gary said he was talking to the guy who played Artie's nemesis and learned that he spent 4 hours with him. He said he was at the Stephen Baldwin bachelor party.
Howard said he met Ralph Macchio and took pictures with him but he really didn't have anything to talk to him about. He said he was good in the movie and seemed like a nice guy. Artie said he doesn't push to get on the show because he realizes that he'd probably be a boring guest. Artie said that whenever he sees Ralph he thinks about all of the movies that he's been in over the years.
Howard said that there were a lot of empty seats in the theater so she asked Artie what was up with that. Artie said he had no control over that. Gary explained how they only gave Artie 60 tickets and gave tickets to other people. Artie said that he could have given out a ton of other tickets if they had given him more. Robin wondered why Benjy was allowed to bring his girlfriend to the movie. Artie said that Benjy is important to him. Howard cut him off and said that Artie has to sit next to Benjy every day so he had to give him the extra ticket.
Howard said he was all caught up in the movie and wondered if Artie is going to have a break down. He figured that no matter how the movie goes, he's going to have a break down. Robin said that she thinks Artie will be very successful and he will get a big head and then self destruct.
Gary said he was on the red carpet and a woman from the NY Post asked him what his worst vacation experience was because she does the travel section for the paper. Howard said he got that interview as well and didn't know what to say so he told her he was raped in Tijuana. He then told her that he really doesn't travel all that much and hasn't had any really bad experiences. He figured he had to come through with something so she told the woman that they had a bunch of Paparazzi while they were in Hawaii one time. Then the woman asked them what their favorite vacation spot was. Howard said Beth answered that and the woman kept asking more and more questions.
Howard said he and Beth felt bad for that woman because she has to ask questions about travel at a movie premiere. He said that the woman was yelling out that she had another question as he was getting ready to go in. Robin said she kept asking questions to her as well.
Fred said that he thought that the movie was great and if Hollywood could get more people to write films like this, they'd finally have some big hits on their hands. Howard thought that Artie was very relaxed in the movie and he delivered some of the lines very funny. Artie said that jokes don't cost money so that's what they tried to shove into the script.
Gary said that sometimes they neuter scripts like that but Artie and Frank didn't do that. Howard told Artie he and Frank are a great writing team and the movie was great so he suggests that everyone go out and see it.
Artie thanked everyone for coming out to see the movie because he knows how tough it is on a week night. Robin said that she was sitting near Richard and Sal and some of the other guys. She said that Sal was actually sitting with Mutt and his wife. Gary said that Mutt is okay with the whole thing and his daughter is handling things just fine after a little bit of awkward moments at school.
Howard said they were going to be doing football picks today and also holding their Ho-De-0 today. He took some phone calls after that. one guy asked Howard if he thinks that Artie will leave the show if his stardom starts to rise over the next couple of years. Howard wasn't sure about that so Artie said that he has no plans on leaving and it would have to be some ridiculous amount of money that would take him away from this show.
Howard said that he knows that a lot of great opportunities come around thanks to this radio show and if you can juggle both the radio show and other things, it's great. Howard said the show is a great promotion machine.
Howard asked Alice for her pick. She said she's going with Seattle this weekend. Artie told her that it was the worst thing she could pick so she started to go off on him even though she as half asleep just a few seconds before. It was like he flipped a light switch with her. She was cursing him out and Artie thanked her after a short time. Artie kept her going for a short time until she said that she misses Jackie. She was goofing on his weight and saying that he was breaking that Jackie chair because of his weight.
Alice would start to calm down but Artie would throw in some more comments that would set her off again. She was saying hello to the people who she likes, like Fred, but Artie would piss her off with more comments. Howard eventually got back to her football pool pick. He got a few more details from Artie about the pick and then told Alice to go rest and watch the game this weekend.
Howard moved on to Big Foot Mark who said he was having trouble hearing them again like he did last week. Howard told Mark that he actually won last week which was another surprise. Howard asked him what his pick was going to be for this week. Big Foot said he was going with the Patriots this weekend. Artie said they're giving 7 1/2 so they'll have to win by 8. Big Foot was sticking with them anyway.
Howard moved on to Elegant Elliot Offen who had his picks for this week. He wanted to get right to his promotion this week because he didn't get to do it last week. He mentioned this DVD he's got out. He said he's got a 12 hour special where they've reduced the price of the DVD that's available at the Funny Store. The DVD is $17.95 for just 12 hours today. He gave out the address of the store and a few phone numbers where you can get a hold of it. Howard asked him if he's afraid that people are going to get pissed that he's reduced the price. He said it's a special so he's pretty sure it won't be a problem.
Elliot said that they will have a new web site up next week at GangsterTalk.net. Howard asked him about what kind of disturbing things they'll see on that DVD. He mentioned that there is stuff with him and his ex-girlfriend April and this Violet chick that he's been with for 5 years now. Elliot also said that he outlines his own criminal life.
Gary came in and asked Elliot if he's gay because he has a hair brush stuck in his ass in the movie. Elliot ended up going off on him yelling and yelling non-stop. Howard asked him about the brush and what was up with that. Elliot said that Violet was punishing him and dehumanizing him in the DVD, that's what that was all about. Gary asked Elliot if he thought it was gay. Elliot said that if it was a man doing it, it would be gay. He claims that he's not gay. Howard asked him if he's ever had a cock in his mouth. Elliot said no to that and asked Howard if he's ever had one in his.
Elliot said that he made a bad pick last week and went off on some of the players and then went off on Robin. Howard asked him if he would have taken a penis in his ass if Violet had asked him to do that for the movie. Elliot said that she is in control of the whole thing and that's up to her. Fred asked Elliot if he would allow it if she wanted to do it. Elliot skirts around just about any question he's asked and just yells at everyone.
Howard asked Elliot for his pick for this weekend. Elliot said he could really use this money so he was going to try and get this right. He ended up cursing Robin out again and yelled at her at the top of his lungs. Howard asked him if he ever gets complaints from his neighbors. Elliot said he does whatever the fuck he wants but wouldn't answer him directly.
Howard asked him for his picks once again so Elliot calmed down for a few seconds but then Robin made a comment and got him all revved up and yelling at her again. He was saying he was going to kick her in her cunt over and over and over again. Howard asked Elliot if people see his penis in this movie of his. He said you do see that in the movie and kept up his yelling for another few seconds.
Elliot finally revealed that he was going to take the Cincinnati Bengals this weekend. He then asked Howard to give him a plug for his DVD so he gave him a quick one and let him go.
Artie gave his pick of the Atlanta Falcons so Howard wrapped up with that segment and went to break a short time later.
Artie said he never did get to see the chick who was offering him the blow job on the show. He told Howard that a lot of people invited themselves to that party and the private room wasn't so private last night. He didn't get laid last night so Double A said that he thinks he has to hang out with him because he can hook him up. Artie said he might be right.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked when the Gary roast is coming up. Howard said it is on the schedule and they will have a lot of comics at that roast. The caller asked for tickets but Howard said he doesn't have any information on that at this point.
Another caller said that he can't imagine Artie leaving the show. He figures that Artie will stick around and do the show and maybe do some movies. Howard ended up hanging up on that guy because he was feeling that the audience was falling asleep.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that this show is probably the only thing keeping Artie alive because he's not out drinking every night. Artie said he might be right about that. The caller said he feels that the movie will make a million bucks and he hopes that it does go nationwide. The caller also brought up a comment about the 9/11 show replay and how Dominic Barbara had said that it wasn't Iraq who was attacking and some people had that wrong back then.
Howard said that there's some facts he wants to get out there. He read an article about how his name isn't being searched as much as it used to be on the web. The guy who wrote the article said that SIRIUS is growing since Howard moved there but he still tries to make it seem that his stardom is fading.
Howard said his agent called him the other day and said that they're getting more people visiting Howard's web site more than ever. Howard said that today there was an article in the news about how satellite is in big trouble because of High Definition radio. Howard said he doesn't know anyone who even has an HD radio. He said it's the same dumb radio stations giving the same old horse shit. He said he believes that he's now in a smear campaign where people are saying that he's over and HD radio is going to take over.
Howard said that the stories are getting picked up by news outlets and they're trying to say that his listeners are falling off when just the opposite is true. He's been very successful already and he's only been on satellite for 9 months now.
Howard said that news reports on CNBC are saying that he's no longer influential and they have no basis in fact. He had some audio clips to play from some of those news reports. In on report the reporter says that his web traffic has been dropping off by up to 71 percent according to some research. Howard pointed out that he's not in the web business, he's in the satellite radio business.
Howard wanted to get a hold of this female reporter's information so he can report on her history. One analyst referred to Howard's fans as 'jerky guys' who listen to his show. Howard took a call from Wayne Segal who owns a car dealership. Wayne said that SIRIUS sales are very high and he doesn't get all of these reports like that. He said that people are asking for SIRIUS more and more and the business is going to continue to grow. Howard said they're trying to make it seem like they're losers when they're very successful at this point.
Howard said that XM radio is in a huge hole because they've spent so much money on advertising and they want to crush him in the worst way. Wayne said that dealers are selling a lot of SIRIUS radios and salesmen are throwing away the XM promotional material because they can't sell the stuff.
Wayne said that he has customers who want their XM radios ripped out of their cars so they can put SIRIUS in. He said he sells everything from Porsches to Nissans and the customers are asking for SIRIUS.
Howard said that the big businesses out there are all shaking now and they can hire all the Howard Rubenstein's they want to try and smear his good name all they want. He said that there are many people out there who had radio stations that were worth billions at one point. This satellite thing is going to make them worth less and less and that's why they want to make it seem like he's not successful.
Wayne said that once manufacturers make satellite radios standard in cars, people won't have to pay extra for the radios and they will only have to pay for the subscription. That will make satellite even more popular over the next few years.
Howard played more of the CNBC audio clip and said he found out that the woman's name in that clip was Melissa Francis. She and a couple of other guys were going back and forth on this subject. One guy had some good points and said that Howard is building up his audience and it may take a while to get it to be profitable. Melissa seemed to be trying to paint him as a loser but it wasn't working.
Howard had another clip from FOX where another reporter brought up the story about him losing his popularity. Howard said he will always be a victim of stories like that. He can't avoid it. He also brought up the HD radio thing and how they can't get anyone to buy those radios.
Artie said he watched the Letterman appearance that Opie and Anthony did and he thought that they were kind of bombing before Dave brought up Howard's name. He said they were being really dull until Howard's name came up and that was the only way Dave got them to be interested in them. Howard said he's heard that they go around talking about how he had them shut down when they were working at the same company. He said he looks at it a different way and didn't want them bad mouthing him and stealing his show from him. That led to him having the bosses put them in jail so to speak. That's when they went nuts.
Howard claims that Rob Burnett from Letterman's show called him and said that Opie and Anthony were being forced on them and they didn't want to do anything to piss him off. Howard said he told Rob he didn't care and they can do whatever they have to because he doesn't care about terrestrial radio anymore. He said he doesn't know that much about them or other people like Mancow.
Howard said he spent 20 years in terrestrial radio and he killed. That was his intention and now he's moved on to satellite and that's what he's going to do there. He said there is no losing as far as he's concerned. He said that David Letterman can have all of the people he wants on that show. He's not being upset that they have Opie and Anthony on his show.
Howard said that a lot of people in big business are going to lose a lot of money if he's successful on satellite. He believes that he's already successful and that's why there are analysts calling his listeners ''jerky guys'' on CNBC.
Howard said that this DNBC chick Melissa Francis used to be an actor on Little House on the Prairie and now that she's an adult she can't get any acting work so she's acing like a reporter on CNBC.
JD came in and said that he wasn't thinking too straight yesterday so he dropped in on Bubba's show. As soon as he walked in his nightmare happened and Bubba and his crew went off on him 10 times worse than they do on Howard's show. He said Bubba is very intimidating and he was asking him to do things like eating a banana out of a certain place. He said that Howard TV ended up covering what happened too.
Howard played some audio from the show where Bubba was telling this stripper what to do to JD. JD said he thinks the chick's name was Mia Hayes. Bubba had her touching him and doing just about anything he asked her to. Bubba had her telling JD to suck her titties and things like that. He had JD touching her and talking dirty to her. Bubba told him to dry hump her but JD thought things were getting kind of crazy. Artie showed up to the show and walked in on all of that and let out a yell when he saw it.
Howard said that chick was way hot too. They had the video playing in the studio. He was also talking about how he heard the audio of Spice Boy banging Akira the hot Asian chick in a hotel room. He said Bubba was going to pay the guy to go in and do even crazier shit with her and said he would pay him more for the crazier shit he'd do. Howard said he would love to pay Robin to bring in audio tape of her getting banged by Mr. X. He thought Bubba was right on with that discussion.
Howard wondered who there would tape their sex. Artie said he would consider doing it but he's not sure if Dana would have done it if they were still together. Howard figured that there are some women out there who would be willing to do that stuff. Howard asked Artie if he would bang Akira. He said he guesses he would so Howard told Gary to get a hold of her and find out if she would do him.
Howard had some audio of Spice Boy and Akira doing it in a hotel room. After playing some of that Artie said he wasn't going to do it because she was being very vocal about Spice Boy's penis and stuff. Howard figures that Akira would be asking Artie to lift up his stomach and try to find his penis if he was doing her.
Gary came in and let Howard know that Norm Macdonald didn't show up so they should really start this Hodeo thing they were doing today.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who asked if he thinks XM has hired people to bash him. Howard said he absolutely believes that they would do something like that to put out bad press about him. He said that there's no one out there who can bring over millions of people to satellite radio like he did and they're going to do what they can to try and make him look bad. He said the thing that will shut them up is people continuing to subscribe to SIRIUS.
Howard said he had tape of Robin having sex so he played an audio clip from a porn movie where a chick was asking guys to cum on her face. He took a call from John Boy who did his impression of Richard's dad for a few seconds but Howard told him it wasn't all that funny but it was a good impression. John Boy asked for Howard to play the clip where Wendy the Retard calls a pancake house. Howard asked the guys to try and find it so he could play it going to break. The guys were able to find it within seconds so he played it as he was going to break.
Howard said that he wanted to say some things about this Melissa Francis woman and how she called his listeners jerky guys. Robin corrected him and said that it was one of the guys she was interviewing who called them jerky guys, not Melissa.
Lisa G said they have some coverage from the green carpet at the movie premiere. They got Artie's mother and sister crying at the event because they were so happy for him. Howard let her go after that very brief preview.
Howard said that Hate Man called in and left a message for them. He's upset about the 9/11 memorials. Howard played the clip where Hate Man goes off on everyone who was walking around with pictures of all of the dead people. He went off on the government for spending money on the people who lost people in the attacks and then told them all to lick his cock and balls as he was hanging up.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that he wanted to talk about SIRIUS a little bit. He said that it's going to take him like 3 1/2 years to break even with his lifetime subscription but it should be worth it in the long run. Another caller congratulated Artie on his movie release. He also said he wasn't aware of this country Kazakstan that the Ali G character Borat says he's from. Howard said the president of that country is actually upset with the stuff that Borat does because he's not really from that country.
Howard took another call from a guy who sat next to him at the movie last night. He said that the movie was hysterical from start to finish and he really liked it. Howard asked Artie who one of the guys was in the movie and found out it was Jimmy Palumbo, one of Artie's best friends. Howard said that guy was very good in the movie.
Gary came in and said that they talked about how Artie is going to be waiting for the phone calls about this movie over the weekend. Artie said the worst thing is not to get any phone calls because that can only mean bad news. Howard wished him luck and moved on to the Hodeo
Tina said that the old guys are perverts at those nursing homes. Gary said that he read that Tina has only had sex with one man and she didn't have sex with him until after they were married. She said she was 23 when she got married to him. She did do stuff with him in the 4 years before then though. She said she would blow him and he would put his fingers in her. He wasn't allowed to stick his penis in her though. She said she wouldn't even let him put the head of his penis in there. She said she didn't do it for religious reasons, she didn't want to get pregnant.
Gary told Howard that Tina is the one who called into the show and said she was turned on by Richard Christy one time. She was also caught masturbating to pictures of Richard Christy one time. She said she likes Richard's big belly.
Howard checked out Tina's boobs and said they were nice. He also found out that she had a few drinks before the show this morning. She stripped down after that and had her get on the Sybian to demonstrate her 'Best Sybian Ride' abilities. There would be 2 other girls doing the same thing in this competition. She finished within a minute or so. Howard had her stay on the machine to perform a song while sitting on the Sybian. She sang her song parody and then Howard asked for scores from everyone.
Fred gave Tina a score of 7. Robin also gave her a 7, Howard gave her an 8 saying that she was very horny and you could tell she wasn't faking the quick orgasm. Artie said that he had to give her a solid 7. Gary said he thought it was a 7 ride but he was going to give her an 8 for the way she did the ride without holding back.
Howard said that Tina gave a great song performance on the Sybian so she got another 8 from him. Artie said that her voice was awful and gave her a 6. Fred also gave her a 6 because of her voice. Robin liked that she had her own lyrics and gave her an 8. Gary gave her an 8 as well.
Howard said Tina would be riding a Bucking Benjy later on but he was going to let her rest a little bit. Artie asked Tina why she was doing this because it appears that she's lost a lot of weight. She said she lost 60 pounds after college.
Howard said hello to Nickie who is a stripper down at Cherry Show Bar. Howard noticed she had a few teeth missing so he asked her about that. She said that's what she needs the money for. She's been stripping for just over a year now. Robin asked if she has to not smile while stripping. She said she doesn't have to avoid it, the guys don't seem to mind. Howard asked her a few questions and found out she has guys who try to touch her in inappropriate ways at the clubs but she kind of expects that.
Howard asked Nickie about her life before stripping and found out that her family doesn't seem to mind that she strips and that she's on Howard's show today. Gary said that Nickie is a chick who was willing to blow Artie but she wasn't quite up to his standards. She said she didn't have enough of an ass for him.
Howard had Nickie get on the Sybian and noticed she had a tattoo on her belly that looked like a mess to him. She had natural 36-C breasts according to Howard. Nickie took her ride on the Sybian and asked for more and more power from the machine to get her off. She moaned and cursed a bit before finally finishing a short time after getting on the machine. After that Howard had her sing her song while sitting on the machine. He had Gary turn the machine all the way up so maybe she'd get off again. She sang ''Row, Row, Row Your Boat'' but forgot about the song and came again instead.
Howard said Nickie got very red when she was cumming so Gary thought she looked like a thermometer. Howard gave her a score of 9 for the ride on the Sybian. Robin gave her a 8 on the ride. She took a point away because she thought she was going to pretend at first. Fred said he was ready to write her off but once she whipped out the tits and rode the Sybian, she went up to an 8. Artie said she was able to turn him on even thought she has the same dentist as Leon Spinks. He gave her a 9. Gary gave her an 8.
Nickie's singing scores were... Artie gave her a score of 9, Fred gave her a 7, Robin gave her a 9, Howard gave her a 9 and Gary gave her an 8.
Howard moved on to the third and final girl Alicia. He said she looked a little conservative. She came in from Chicago and thought this might work for her. She said that her step-mother knows that she's on but her mother doesn't because she's not a fan of the show. Howard asked her if she is very orgasmic. She said she's been masturbating for many years but she always had to be quiet so she may not be as vocal as the other girls. She's only 20 years old.
Howard read that Alicia is going to use the money to pay for school if she wins today. She also claims that she hasn't had sex in over a year now. She said she met a guy who was a virgin but he was being more of a girl than she was and she had to get out of it that because she was so creeped out by it. Howard read that she's only had sex with two guys in her life.
Howard had Alicia strip down and hop on the Sybian. She had 36-E breasts and had double piercings on them. Artie sounded amazed by her breasts and there were some comments about them possibly being the best breasts they've ever seen. Artie asked her when she got those things. She said she started developing when she was about 11 years old. She also told the guys that she would like to get her clit pierced but it costs too much money. Artie said this is a refreshing change from seeing Richard Christy's cock.
Alicia got on the Sybian wearing panties which was her choice. Howard took a call from a guy who said he was a half hour late for work because of this stuff. Howard and the guys seemed to be distracted by her breasts and didn't start her ride right away. Alicia said she had a sex dream about Artie and she really felt she was in love with him in the dream. Artie wanted to introduce the country to the new Mrs. Lange. Howard seemed to be trying to hint to Artie that he might want to go out on a date with this chick.
Gary started off the Sybian a little low so Howard had him boost it up to about 60 percent. She started feeling it but wasn't making much noise. She let out little moans and asked Gary to lower it down a little to the right speed for her. Howard asked him to raise it but she wanted it at a certain point to get off. Artie was laughing in the background but she didn't have headphones on and didn't hear him. It took her a couple of minutes but she did finish. She said she told them that she was quiet.
Gary said that Alicia was shaking from the ride. Howard told her to get back on the thing so she could sing her song. She sang ''Take me Out to the Ball Game'' as Gary turned up the power of the Sybian to full. She kept the song going and was able to finish without getting off again. She said it was way too intense that time.
Howard said this one was a tough one to score. He said she gave them a realistic masturbatory demonstration. He gave her a score of 6. Artie said she didn't make noise but watching her was very sensual. He gave her a 9. Fred said he thought she was the hottest chick there but her performance was a little whiny for him. He gave her a 7. Robin gave her a score of 7 because of her real orgasm. Gary said he's with Artie on this one and gave her a 9.
Howard moved on to her singing performance scores and asked Artie for his score. Artie gave her a 6 on that. Howard gave her a 6, Fred gave her a 6, Robin gave her a 6 and Gary gave her a 7 because she did carry a tune.
Howard mentioned they had a $5,000 prize for the winner of this Hodeo. He took a call from a guy who said it was about time they washed the gay out of the studio. Artie agreed with him on that. Howard said all of the girls were wearing helmets because they were going to be riding the Bucking Benjy. Benjy was wearing a singlet and a horse head to get into his part of this event. He was led in on a leash and had the rope in his mouth like a horse. He even kicked Gange like a real horse would.
Howard said the deal here is that the girls are going to try and ride Benjy for up to 30 seconds. If they last that long then they are rated on how well they rode him. He had Alicia go first since she went last in the last competition. Alicia hopped on Benjy's back and said she was really grossed out by it. Howard told Benjy to go and Alicia fell off within a second. Howard asked her how she felt. She said she thought she was going to last longer.
Gary said that Benjy's hair is all wet. Artie said that he appears to be stuck in one of his shtick coma's because he was still snorting and not talking to anyone. Howard had Nickie get up on Benjy next. She hopped on and Benjy started bucking. She held on so Benjy was standing up and rolling over trying to get her off his back. She ended up staying on the full 30 seconds. Nickie said that was very hot but she was covered in Benjy's sweat.
Howard had Tina get on Benjy's back so she could take a ride. Benjy bucked her around for a short time and she fell off after 7 seconds. Benjy broke out of his shtick coma and said that he thinks Tina could have lasted longer than she did. He said that Nickie could have lasted for 2 hours the way she was going.
Howard said that Nickie gets a 10 because she was on for the full 30 seconds. Tina got a 7 for staying on for 7 seconds. Alicia got a 3 for coming in third place. The winner of the whole competition was Nickie because she did have the most total points. The HotMovies.com web site people were going to bring in the $5,000 check for her.
Tina wanted to meet Richard so Howard said they'd make that happen. He took a call from a guy who said that this was the best show ever. Another guy said he thought it was great as well. He asked Nickie if she would ride the Sybian again for them. She said she'd be willing to do that for him. Howard took a few more calls and then had Nickie take another ride on the Sybian. She had Gary give her full power and moaned like crazy as she was finishing herself off. She warned the guys she was going to cum and finished a short time later.
Howard and the guys gave her some applause and then had Richard Cohen from HotMovies.com come in to present the check. He said that you can watch porn movies per minute at the site so you don't have to pay for the whole movie. Gary said he's been there and they have it all sorted out so you can pick the kind of stuff you want to watch. Richard also let the girls know that they had $500 for the second place winner and $200 for the third place winner. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said they have a bunch of new stuff on Howard TV this month including some unplayed footage of the Jeff the Drunk Stuck-on-You shows.
Artie told Howard that he thinks he missed his chance to talk to Don Rickles. Don left him a message and said he'd call back but he hasn't called back.
Howard said that the Katie Couric downfall has already begun over at CBS and he knew that was going to happen. He said he told Katie publicly that she should watch her back because that company would screw her over if she didn't do well. They have already started talking about revamping things over there now that CBS has fallen back into third place in the evening news. Howard had his own dealings with that company and knew that it was going to happen to her as well.
Howard said he may have to write another book because people don't always take him seriously. He said he told people to wait and see what happens to Katie because he knew they would throw her under the bus once they started to smell failure. They always blame the talent for that stuff.
Howard said he's been shocked by the fact that YouTube.com has been doing as well as it has and they're just now talking about selling ads.
Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that there were some strange things going on out in the hall. They turned on the camera and showed Howard that Benjy was still in his horse character and Richard was underneath him with a big black dildo in his mouth. It was really in his mouth according to Doug. He said they bet him that he wouldn't do it and Richard went right ahead and did it. Artie said it was very disturbing.
Robin wondered when Richard is going to have a real penis in his mouth. Benjy came back into the studio and said that he had just fucked Richard in the mouth with the fake penis. Richard said he only did it because they said hey were going to pay him $50 to do it. Artie asked him what it would take to suck a real one, $75?. Howard told the guys they had seen enough and sent Richard out of there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what went on with that Jessica chick yesterday. Artie said he doesn't know what happened to her because he didn't see her at all last night.
Howard talked about how light the traffic was on Monday this week. He said it seems like a lot of people took that day off for 9/11. Artie said he knows a lot of guys were told to take the day off by their bosses if they wanted to use it as an optional vacation day. Howard said traffic on Monday's is usually awful so it was kind of strange to have so little traffic.
Howard pointed out that some of his fans went down to ground zero on 9/11 and helped out back in 2001 after the collapse and helped out. He said that the people calling his listeners 'jerky guys' wouldn't call those people who went down to ground zero 'jerky guys.'
Dominic Barbara called in and brought up Anna Nicole Smith's son's death and started bringing up some stuff about Anna's lawyer being in the room with the son at the time of his death. Howard cut him off and told him what he knew about it and said that from what he read, Anna ran off to get help. Dominic said that the death is being called suspicious. Howard said that they're not saying that it was suspicious in that way, they're saying that because they're not sure how he died. Dominic thought it was an incredible tragedy to have a birth and a death in the same day.
Dominic was also saying that it's going to be an interesting thing and he's pretty sure it will involve massive amounts of drugs. Dominic congratulated Artie on his movie last night but Gary said that he was actually pissed that he wasn't invited. Artie said that it was an oversight and he apologized to him for that. Dominic said he'll go to see the movie on Friday night.
Howard played another clip of Tyra Banks talking about crying when she found out she was on the Time Magazine most influential list. Howard said he's never thought about crying over something like that. He thinks that those lists are just bullshit.
Howard had another audio clip of Leelee Sobieski reading a poem on The Tonight Show after 9/11 back in 2001. He's played that clip on the show many times over the years. He said that some people just have to shut up. He said she's just the opposite of what he is. He said she was on Carson Daly's show and was talking about her love of collecting human hair. He played that clip and listened to this very disturbing behavior of hers. Artie said that the amazing thing about that clip is the fact that Carson Daly still has a TV show. Howard said the guy has no pressure doing a show that airs at 1 in the morning.
Howard said that Crazy Alice left a voice mail recently where she thanked Will for supporting her on the show. She said that some people won't let her be the nice person she really is. She went off on Artie during that message of course.
Howard said that this guy who wrote the article probably works in terrestrial radio, that's why he wrote about HD radio. The guy brings Howard up in the article so he read that section and corrected him on some things. Howard said that when he signed on with SIRIUS they had only 600,000 subscribers. They now have over 4.7 million and they predict 6 million for the end of the year. How that guy says he's only got 1.6 million listeners of his own there is beyond Howard. He said this isn't a slow moving process, it's an avalanche and a revolution.
Howard said that some people are saying he doesn't have any enemies anymore but he does have a couple of big ones. He has terrestrial radio and XM radio that are his enemies. He got a little sidetracked when he was told that they had Mike Walker on the phone to play his game. He went off on Gary for not telling him sooner that Mike was on the phone.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve mentioned they have some breaking news about Artie Lange. He said that there was a chilling reference to Artie in a shooting up in a Montreal college yesterday. Howard hadn't heard about that so Robin filled him in. Steve said that the gunman had left a message on a goth message board where he said he caught Artie on Conan O'Brien and said ''Artie Rules...'' and that he's surprised that Artie is still alive after all of the drugs. Steve said he wasn't joking about this stuff either.
Howard and the guys talked about that shooting for a short time. They also talked about a serial killer who used to keep a journal of what he did and he would write about listening to Howard's show. Steve mentioned a couple more things they'll be covering today on Howard 100 News. They'll be talking to the president of Carvel about the Cookie Puss segment that was number 1 on the top 10 best moments from the show.
Howard mentioned that the Howard 100 News van was at the premiere last night and he's been told that it gets a lot of attention while it's out on the road. They get horn honks and people yelling out that they love the show.
Howard had Jon Hein give his show preview after Steve was done. Jon mentioned many of the tings that went on during today's show and what they'll be talking about. They'll be talking about what happened to Norm Macdonald this morning. He was supposed to be on this morning but he failed to show up. Howard said he wanted to see him today so he's kind of bummed he didn't show up. Artie didn't have any defense for Norm, he's not sure what happened there.
Howard asked Jon if he would tape his love making to air on the show. Jon can't do it so Howard asked Richard if he would bang that Akira chick to see who could make the best sex tape. Richard has a girlfriend so he can't do it. Artie suggested that they get KC back on the show and have him do the banging of Akira to see if he could make a better sex tape than Spice Boy did. Howard said they may have to do that. He went to break after that.
During the news Howard read through some e-mail and talked about some of the stuff they have on Howard TV right now. There were also some people who gave some feedback about Artie's Conan O'Brien appearance. There were still e-mails coming in about Bubba and Dee Snider's appearance on the show this week. He said they're still split 50/50 or so. People were also split on Sarah Silverman's appearance.
Someone wrote in about how funny it is whenever Eric the Midget calls in on the show. He could be on every day and the guy laughs every time. Howard said Eric has left them some new messages and he's now threatening to take the flying with balloons to other shows like Jay Leno, Ryan Seacrest, Regis and Kelly or even Megan Mullally's show. Howard said he's pretty sure those shows aren't going to take a midget and fly him with balloons. He said he won't take that bit to Letterman or Conan O'Brien's shows because he doesn't like them.
Howard did his impression of Eric and goofed on him a little bit. Eric said he's willing to do the stunt now but he's threatening to take it to someone else's show. Howard said he wants them to sign all kinds of legal documents before he'll actually do it.
Howard said Eric left another message where he complains about him hanging up on him. He played that clip and Eric was going off on him for hanging up on him twice yesterday. He said he really sounds like an evil super villain. Eric told Howard that he is willing to come to New York and do it on October 2nd. He said that Johnny Fratto will back him up on that. His reason for not doing it now is because some guy claimed he was going to post his address on SFN. Howard said he always finds a way to get out of stuff. He's always got some excuse. Howard goofed on him for a short time before Robin got back to her news.
Gary came in around 11:40 and said that Norm Macdonald called in and said he just woke up so that's why he wasn't there today. Artie said that when he used to come on Howard's show with Norm, he'd have to wake him up at like 7 in the morning and then they'd take forever to get over there. Howard said that Norm was the best anchorman on Saturday Night Live. Artie said he thinks that they got rid of Norm because of some jokes he was making about OJ Simpson. They spent a short time on that and then Howard wrapped up the show around 11:45am.
Jon Hein started off this week's Friday Show getting right into everything they had to get to. He said they had a bunch of classic clips from K-Rock to play. He mentioned a few of the bits they had coming up and then got into the first bit which went back to 1995 when Steve Grillo read the Dedication in Howard's book. Gary explained how Grillo got hired on the show after he sent in his resume on a piece of notebook paper that had been torn out of a spiral notebook.
In the clip Howard asks Grillo to read the dedication to him. Steve reads it and screws up a couple of words but also fails to realize that Howard had dedicated the book to him. Howard asked him about his pronunciation of the word 'Debt' as 'Debit' and goofed on him about that. Steve said he understood that the book was dedicated to him and he was just very nervous about reading it on the air.
The guys spent some time talking about Grillo and what he did there at K-Rock when he was working there. Gary talked about him holding the elevator door for Howard and things like that. He also said that he was a good guy though.
Jon wondered if Grillo is getting the job there as the movie reviewer. Gary said he's heard that he was being difficult but Jason came in and said that the negotiations are over and Steve is coming up today to record a couple of movie reviews for Howard 100 News.
Jon said that they had a classic musical performance from when Chyna Doll (Joanie Laurer) was on the show back in July of 2004 and sang a song about her family with her 'brother.' Gary said they later found out the guy wasn't really her brother and his guitar was all out of tune. Jon played the clip and we heard Howard introduce her song.
After the song Jon and Gary talked about that performance and how awful it was. They also think it's a classic segment from the show though. Ralph had never heard the song before today even though the song has been played on Howard's show many times since then.
Jon moved on to the next segment which was some of Yanni's recent interview. He said he was very surprised that Yanni was going to be a guest on the show and even more surprised when he turned out to be a good guest. Gary said it was amazing that he came on the show at all with all of the stuff that went on in his past. Jon then played some of his interview where Howard was asking him about some of the women he had been with in his past.
After playing that stuff the guys spent a short time talking about the interview. Jon took a phone call from a guy who said he thought Artie was really funny during that clip because he was busting Yanni's balls the whole time. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
The guys talked about Robin's performance and how bad she really was when she was singing. Robin had been going off on Howard for doing this to her for the past 25 years and how sick of it she is. The guys also talked about that. Jon had some audio from their Thursday creative meeting that week where Robin continued to talk about her performance and how she has no plans on singing with anyone again.
Jon said there was a great karaoke contest back in December of 2003 where everyone sang with the band Staind. Jon played some audio from that segment back in 2003. We heard Tom Chiusano, Robin, KC Armstrong, Scott the Engineer, Artie, Stuttering John, Gary, Fred and Howard performing their songs that day.
Ralph said the mix really sucked back then and Robin's performance was just as bad as usual. Gary said that Howard's headphones were also squealing back then. He was also saying that the lead singer from the band left him out to hang back then just like he did a couple of weeks ago. He said that Aaron told him he was going to come in and harmonize with him but he just left him hanging. Jon had to take another break a short time after that.
Jon had Red Peters on the phone after that. Red was calling in to plug his Red Peters Show that airs on Friday nights. He said that he he's got his third All Listener Submission show coming up tonight. Gary talked to Red about sending him some of the songs that aren't good enough to play on his show because they might have some room on their show to play that stuff.
Gary talked about how Red got on the show years ago. Red corrected him about what he was saying and said that Howard was actually busting the balls of a deejay in Minnesota who had used Red's songs without permission. That led to him listening to some of his other songs and playing them on the show.
Jon played some clips of the listener submitted songs that Red will be playing tonight on his show. Red had him playing some songs like ''Do You Take it in the Ass'' and stuff like that. There was one called ''Coulter's Ass'' which was about Anne Coulter. He also had them play a little bit of ''Critter Up My Shitter.'' The final song was ''Gotta Take a Shit.''
Red said that people will be able to vote for their favorite songs after his show airs tonight. You can vote by going to SIRIUS.com/Howard101. Voting ends on September 27th at noon. They play that show a few times over the next 2 weeks. Tune in tonight to hear the show on Howard 101 at 7pm.
Ralph said that another one of his Best of Fred clips is when Fred did ''Guess Who's the Jew'' with Kurt Waldheim Jr. Gary explained who the real guy was and how the segment came to be and how racist that guy and the character were.
Jon had an audio clip from 1988 when Fred did this Kurt Waldheim clip and it was Andrew Dice Clay's first appearance on the show at the same time. Fred was in character and spewing the racist comments that Kurt Waldheim might have said. Howard had a caller playing along with Fred and eventually brought in Andrew Dice Clay for his first visit to the show. Dice had some racist material of his own that he threw in there with Fred.
After playing the classic clip Gary said that Fred always wrote that stuff on his own so Howard would be hearing it for the first time on the air. He thinks Howard was even kind of shocked by what Fred was saying in that segment. They also talked about Dice seeming to be kind of put off by the whole thing.
Jon took a phone call from a guy who told everyone they're doing a great job. Then Jon had to go to another commercial break.
Jon had the guys play the song and then said that Gary seemed to really like that song. Gary said he did and the band was really into performing it for them. They actually sang the song live on stage at a Philly funeral they held.
Jon took a call from a woman who said the song was wonderful but the one thing that stuck out was Jackie's annoying laugh. She said it was very annoying and she's very glad that he's gone and Artie is there instead. The guys talked about Jackie being gone and how they don't miss him all that much. The woman on the phone said her husband hates Howard Stern but he did buy her the first SIRIUS radio she got.
Jon took a phone call after playing that bit. The caller asked if they're going to do that Babapalooza concert they were talking about. Gary said that it's still in the works and they're looking for a sponsor to help them out.
Gary said he was in a room with Eddie, Alex, Michael Anthony and Sammy Hagar. He had no one else in the room with them. He did the questions and then had their manager confront him about them. He ended up kicking him out of the press room. Gary said he left that room and someone else told him to get out of there as soon as he could because the manager was looking for him so he could smash his tape. Gary managed to get out before that could happen and saved that tape.
Jon played the audio from that old show and Howard was playing the audio from that interview. Gary had tried to get the band to cut some IDs for the show but the manager thought he was full of it and he did know that he wasn't allowed to ask them to do that. Gary then asked them all of the dopey questions he had to ask. He told the band that Howard made him ask the questions and he just did what he was told to do.
After playing that clip Gary was wondering what was up with his voice back then. He thought it was pretty different than it is now. Jon said he does sound a little different but it could have been from being nervous. Sal was playing some monkey sounds as they were talking about Gary.
John Boy called in and said that he was kind of blown away by the recent Eddie Van Halen interview and was kind of annoyed by Artie interrupting him. Ralph said he thought Eddie sounded pretty reasonable to him when he was on the phone but there were some people thought he had gone crazy. John Boy said Eddie is kind of a weird dude but he was just doing his thing in that old clip they just played.
Jon asked Gary what the room was like back then and if the guys were really enjoying themselves. Gary said they did seem to like it but he really hated doing those types of interviews because they were so horrible for him. Gary also said he didn't think that he was going to get off more than one or two questions in that interview but they let him ask every one. Jon had to take another commercial break after that.
Gary remembers that day and how Jackie was dead serious when he did that whole thing. He wasn't laughing or joking around at all. He also told the guys about how they had thrown one of Jessica Hahn's nighties in his luggage when they had gone on this trip that he had to apologize over. He heard later that Jackie had found the nightie before his wife did and took it out into his back yard to bury it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jackie went through all of that and he still ended up getting divorced. He called him a dick for doing such a thing.
Another caller brought up Sal's apology and how he would have pummeled Sal if he had sniffed his daughter's underwear.
Gary said he thought that bit was kind of funny and he was amused by it. Ralph said he was amused by it too. He thought the clerk was amused by it too because she stayed on the phone for a while. He suggested that they cut it down to about half and it would work better. Sal thought the titles were funny so that's why they left them all in there.
Jon took some phone calls from some guys who thought that the bit was okay. One guy said the bit kind of fell apart about half way through.
Gary said that when he heard that call for the first time he was laughing his ass off. He had it on a CD in his car and he told Howard that it was going to be a classic so Howard ended up playing it on the air.
Jon had some audio from the day that Jonah was on the show for this 'What's Up With My Secret' game show thing they did. Howie Mandel was on the show that day as well. Howard immediately figured out that the guy was there because he had a big penis. Howie Mandel, who is a big germaphobe, was really thrown off by the whole thing.
After playing the clip Jon said that they'll never look at him the same way again. Gary said he thought the guy had a sense of humor back then but on that TV show that Sal and Richard call, he has no sense of humor. Ralph said that's because he 'made it' to public access TV.
Richard said that after they heard that he was on the show one time they called his TV show back and just asked him about his big penis. They played that call as they were going to another commercial break.
Jon played the clip from the show where Artie called in and told them about how the whole thing went down. When he called in he said that he had gotten permission from Leslie before he did it. When he was on Conan's show, he told him that he just went for it without telling her about it first.
Jon said that it was interesting to hear the story told on SIRIUS compared to how he told it on Conan's show because he was able to get into such detail on SIRIUS and not on Conan.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's waiting to go into see Artie's movie this morning. He's going into a 10:15am showing of the movie. The guys figured that this guy was going to really love the movie because he was a little wasted and he loves softball. That's the kind of guy who should really love it.
After playing the clip the guys talked about how there's still some stuff that goes on between Ralph and John. Ralph said that John gets really crazy but he's stopped trying to tweak him so much over the years because he does get so wound up. He really doesn't have anything against him and doesn't dislike him. Gary said that is true because he does get really upset and turns bright red when he's going off on Ralph. Ralph said it is funny to hear that clip again because it is kind of funny that he got tweaked so easy.
The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about how there were some empty seats at the premiere that night and Artie could have brought in more people. It was kind of crazy that he only had 60 tickets to give away when the theater held 1,100 people.
Jon took a phone call from a guy who thinks it's funny when they play the techno music for JD when he goes into the studio. Gary said it's really funny because they have a strobe light that they set off when he walks in the studio. JD had come into the studio so the guys were goofing on him a little bit.
Another caller said that he would subscribe to Howard TV for the year if they could get JD to dance on camera to that song. JD said he really doesn't have a dance for that music though. The caller changed subjects and said that if they support Artie's movie then they may be supporting him to leave the show. Gary said that he could leave either way so trying to stifle him wouldn't work either. He said that if Artie wanted to go make movies he'd understand it because it's a great lifestyle that Artie would probably really enjoy.
Jon got in a plug for an appearance that Artie is making at a bar called the Black Thorn in Kenilworth, New Jersey tonight for anyone who shows up with a ticket stub for his movie. He's going to be buying those people shots for helping support his movie. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon and the guys talked about how thrilled Jimmy and Sarah were to be talking to Eric the Midget. Gary said that Jimmy and Sarah are huge fans of the show and the know about a lot of the peripheral characters on the show. Gary was also saying that he didn't know about how Howard wanted to fly him with the balloons. Ralph said that he doesn't care if they never fly him with balloons and they should just keep negotiating with him instead because it's so entertaining. They had to go to break after that.
A short time later Jon came back from break and said they were going to wrap up the show. He mentioned the appearance Artie is making and asked the rest of the guys what they were doing this weekend. Gary said he was probably going to see Artie's movie. Ralph said he might show up at that bar Artie is going to be at. Sal said he's going to be at his son's birthday party and he's hoping that Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons show up at the party. It turns out Richard is going to be playing the part of Peter Chris at the party. Gary said that might be the craziest thing he's ever heard. Sal said he hopes that the kids aren't scared when they see KISS there. Jon said he's going out to see Beer League this weekend to see what everyone else out there thinks about the movie. He ended the show around 10:35am.