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Stern Show News Archives.

For The Week Of 6/8/98 to 6/12/98

-- Friday June 12, 1998 --

Uh Oh! KC Interviews Chevy Chase. 6/12/98. 6:30am
Associate Producer KC was out trying to get an interview with Harrison Ford. Harrison wasn't there but KC ran into Chevy Chase. A few months ago Howard and Chevy made up with each other after a long feud. KC may have just ruined that. KC had some generic questions and he asked Chevy if he's hiding his guns because of the whole Phil Hartman thing. Chevy didn't find it funny and asked KC if he found it funny. KC thinks thought that the question was funny but not the fact that Phil's wife killed him. When Chevy told KC that he didn't find it funny KC said that he's seen some of Chevy's movies and they weren't funny either. OUCH! Then as Chevy is walking away KC yells out something like ''How's the feud between you and Howard Stern going?''. Howard couldn't believe that KC did that. He asked him if he forgot that they'd made up with each other but KC didn't have a good answer. Howard pretty much apologized for KC's dumb question. He said that he would fire KC but then told KC that he'd just say that on the air and not actually fire him.
OJ Simpson's Caddy Calls In. 6/12/98. 6:55am
This guy Mitchell Mesko called in because he wrote a book called ''Confessions Of A Caddy'' but doesn't have a publisher for it yet. He claims that he was a golf caddy for OJ Simpson among other celebrities. He didn't really have any good stories to tell about OJ or even any of the other celebs. Maybe he didn't want to give away any of the good stuff in the book.
Stuttering John Interviews A Few Celebrities. 6/12/98. 7:20am
Stuttering John was at the premiere of ''Six Days, Seven Nights'' last night. He interviewed Harrison Ford, Michael Bolton, Ann Hache and Miss Universe. As soon as John started to ask Harrison Ford questions his publicist told him where John was from. He asked him why he didn't take acting lessons and Harrison just said ''I used the money for beer.'' Then John asked him if he had the biggest schlong in Hollywood and Harrison said ''yes'' and walked away. The Michael Bolton interview was kind of lame. John got off a couple of questions but after asking Bolton if he was happy with his penis size Bolton bolted. John got off about 2 questions with Ann Hache. They weren't that great though. She ran off after John asked her if she'd do a movie with Woody Allen. John got to ask Miss Universe a few questions but she was so out of it she didn't realize she was being goofed on. After he asked her a question about the President Clinton/Monica Lewinsky thing her publicist pulled her away. Not too long after that Lisa the intern caught up to her and asked her ''Do you allow yourself to be photographed while on your period?''. She didn't get an answer from her so she kept asking the same question over and over again.
David Lee Roth Plays The Mike Walker Game. 6/12/98. 7:35am
David Lee Roth came in to plug his new album DLR Band but before they got around to talking about that they played the Mike Walker gossip game. Mike called in with 4 gossip stories, 3 of which will appear in his National Enquirer column next week. The fourth story is false, try to pick the false one.
1. After David Duchovny's wife Tea Leoni found out that David's assistant would be in Playboy Magazine she had her fired.
2. After a stay in a hotel Sandra Bullock handed the manager a pile of hand written letters to each of the hotel staff. Each letter had a big tip in it. The manager returned the tips to Sandra because they were too generous.
3. Kelsey Grammar had a baby oil, egg whites and honey sunburn treatment done on his bald head by some woman. The treatment may have been left on too long because Kelsey was stung by bees 3 times when he went outside.
4. The stars of ''The First Wives Club'' movie may be replaced in an upcoming sequel if they don't come to an agreement with the producers.
Howard and Jackie both chose number 4 as the false story. David Lee Roth and Robin both chose number 3. The actual false story was number 4.
After the game Howard and Dave spent a while talking about stuff. Howard brought up the fact that Eddie Van Halen and the rest of Van Halen came in recently. He told Dave that he used to think that he was the one who might be hard to work with in the band until he met Eddie. He told Dave how Eddie was just wandering around the studio and not listening to what Howard was saying. The two of them spoke about the old Van Halen days and how they've gone down hill since Dave left the band. Dave even trashed one of the new tracks off Van Halen's new album. He said that the ballad that Eddie sings on is pretty bad. He said that he didn't buy the album himself but someone played a couple of tracks and he wasn't too impressed. David has just put out this new album DLR Band and the first single ''Slam Dunk'' is probably his best work since going solo. Dave put the album out under his own label and found a distributor who put it in the stores for him. Dave said it's in stores now.
Comedian Paul Rodriguez Comes In. 6/12/98. 8:30am
Paul Rodriguez came in to promote Comic Relief 8 which airs this Sunday night at 8pm on HBO. Paul is one of the featured comedians on the show. Paul had a couple of interesting stories to tell. He said that he auditioned for Magic Johnson's tv show. He was up for the part of the sidekick but he said some things to Magic that just didn't go over too well so he didn't get the job. He said some things about how Magic isn't a comedian and that the show would probably be off the air in a couple of months. Paul was just saying what was on his mind. He said that he did get paid $7500 for meeting with Magic a couple of times though. He also had a story about Phil Hartman and his wife Brynn. Paul was out at some restaurant in California when he saw Brynn freak out and throw a drink on Phil for some reason. He said that Phil stood up and jokingly said ''Well I guess it's not a happy evening is it?'' in his very distinct, loud voice. Paul said that was just a few months ago when that happened.
Paul will also be appearing on Late Show with David Letterman tonight. He'll be on with Charles Grodin who just lost his tv show much to Howard's delight. Before Paul left Howard had him take a guess on the Rosie O'Donnell Jelly Bean Head. Paul guessed that there are 657 jelly beans in the head. That guess was way too low.
Director Ivan Reitman Comes In. 6/12/98. 9:10am
Ivan Reitman's new movie ''Six Days, Seven Nights'' hits theaters today so he came in to promote it a bit. Ivan was the producer of Howard's movie ''Private Parts'' so he and Howard are pretty good friends now. As a matter of fact he and Howard are going to have a meeting about what to do as a sequel to ''Private Parts''. Last night was the premiere of ''Six Days, Seven Nights'' and Ivan said that he spoke to Lenny Blum who wrote the screenplay for ''Private Parts''. They think it's about time to start writing the sequel. Robin was at the premiere last night and got to meet Harrison Ford. She was never that big of a fan of Harrison's but when she met him last night she was thrilled. Ralph saw how she was just fawning all over him. Before Ivan left Howard had him take a guess on the Rosie O'Donnell Jelly Bean Head. Ivan took a wild guess of 11,650 which is way too high.
-- Thursday June 11, 1998 --
New York Governor George Pataki Comes In. 6/11/98. 7:25am
Howard's favorite Governor, George Pataki, came in to plug his new book Pataki : Where I Come from. In the book Pataki admits that he smoked pot when he was growing up back in the '60's. He said that the first time he used pot was when he mixed it in with some baked beans and ate it. Howard had planned on having a joint rolling contest between Pataki and Jackie but the Governor said he never rolled any himself. Pataki also talks about his childhood in the book and how he used to shoot guns over other kids heads when they'd come on his parents property... and this guy is the Governor of New York! Howard wrote a little something about Pataki for the back of the book and he's very happy that Pataki let him do that. Pataki was saying how the state of New York's crime rate has dropped quite a bit since he reinstated the death penalty there. He and Mayor Giulianni have really started to get the state into shape.
Guy Who Talked To Brynn Hartman Calls In. 6/11/98. 8:20am
This guy Flip Knight claims that he met the late Phil Hartman's wife Brynn in a park about 7 months ago. He told Howard the story about how Brynn complained to him about her marriage and how Phil treated her. Flip said he just ran into her in the park while walking his dog. They somehow struck up a conversation and ended up talking for about an hour and a half. Flip claims that Brynn told him that Phil was making her get plastic surgery and that Phil would make her sleep with his friends. He also claims that Brynn told him that she feared for her life and that if anything ever happened to her that Flip should tell people her story. After Flip told his story Bloated Attorney Dominic Barbara called in to yell at the guy. Dominic called him a liar and said he'd pay for the guy to fly in and take a lie detector test. The guy didn't know who Dominic was and said he's not flying across the country to take a lie detector test. They argued for a few minutes about it but nothing came out of it. Howard didn't understand why Dominic was in such a rage. It came out of nowhere. It's not like Dominic is defending Brynn Hartman or anything like that. He's just a strange dude. Howard said that he doesn't think that Flip is lying. He just thinks that the woman Flip ran into was mentally ill. Flip said that he told the story to gossip mag The Examiner.
Goofing On ''The Magic Hour'', Day 3. 6/11/98. 8:40am
Early this morning Howard said that he wasn't going to play anymore tape of Magic Johnson's tv show. He said he was sick of it. But then a listener called in and said he liked when Howard did it yesterday and the day before. After a little bit more prodding from Robin he finally agreed to goof on it a little more. Last night's guest was Arsenio Hall so Robin was very interested in hearing what the two of them talked about. Howard went through some of the interview but after a little bit he couldn't take it anymore so he stopped. He said he's not going to do it after today. The show has only aired 3 times yet I think Howard has spent more than 3 hours goofing on it. We'll see if Howard continues the goofing tomorrow.
Guy Who Has The Solution For World Peace Calls In. 6/11/98. 9:10am
This guy AJ claims that he has a solution for world peace. He says that he wants to have a ''global concert'' on January 1, 2000. He wants everyone to either go to the concert or view it on the web. For some reason he thinks that this will bring world peace. He wrote some essay about this idea and sent it to Howard. He thought that Howard read it so he started to quiz him on some of the stuff in it. Howard hadn't read it so he told AJ to tell him what all of his ideas were. This guy must be nuts. He said that he wants to hand out flyers to everyone to get them to go to the concert. Why would he think that if someone couldn't attend the concert they'd watch it on the web? There are billions of people on this stupid planet and only about 50 million are on the web. What a nut!
King Of All Farters. 6/11/98. 10:05am
This guy called in claiming that he can fart on command better than Chris Crap. Chris was on last week farting up a storm. This new guy tried to demonstrate his talent over the phone but he choked. He could only squeak out a few lame ones. Then Howard found out that the guy sent in a tape. The tape was a different story. He made sounds come from his ass that shouldn't. Howard said that he can come down for next week's farting contest. I think there will be 3 or 4 different farters in the contest. If this guy doesn't choke again he may just be a winner.
-- Wednesday June 10, 1998 --
The Singing Psychic Calls In. 6/10/98. 7:35am
Fran Baskerville, The Singing Psychic, called in with a few predictions today. Fran sings all of her predictions while she plays guitar. Howard didn't spend too much time with Fran. He had her give a few predictions so here they are:
- Magic Johnson's show will be a hit for the first 6 months and won't last more than a year.
- Paul McCartney will be visited by his wife and she'll inspire him to write a new song. Paul will also get married again sometime in the future.
- Bob Hope may die later this year sometime.
- Fran sees the Chicago Bulls winning in the NBA finals.
- Howard's new CBS show will skyrocket to the top and will be seen around the world.
That was about it for her predictions. Of course she sang them all in her odd little voice. That's what makes her interesting though. Her predictions are kind of lame and nondescript.
Goofing On Magic Johnson's TV Show, Day 2. 6/10/98. 7:55am
Howard spent a good part of the morning goofing on the second night of Magic Johnson's new TV show ''The Magic Hour''. Howard was playing tape of Magic interviewing last night's guest Harrison Ford. It's really bad but when Howard is making fun of it all it becomes funny. One caller said it's like watching a car wreck. He said he had his finger on the remote control but had to watch it because it was so bad. Howard still says that he'll do the show if they let him go on with his band The Losers with Chris Crap and Maria the farter backing them up. It's the only show that he's willing to do right now. He's turned down David Letterman's show because he's lying low for a while.
Howie Mandel Comes In. 6/10/98. 8:20am
Comedian Howie Mandel came in to promote his new talk show which starts June 22. Howie told Howard that he's doing the show because he's tired of being on the road all the time doing his stand-up act. He said he wants to stay home now and this is the best way to do it. Howard told him it's not so great to be home all the time, he knows. Howard hardly ever leaves his house so his wife is always mad at him and his kids are mad at him. He told Howie that he's making a mistake by staying home. Howard also predicts that Howie's show will last about 6 months. There are too many daytime talk shows on the air according to Howard. Howie says that his show will be a really good one and it'll be different than all the others. Howard then changed his tune and said that there's room for a good talk show.
Howard wanted Howie to play ''What's Up With My Secret'' which is a game where everyone tries to guess what someone's secret is. This guy Jonah Falcon was the person with the secret. As soon as the guy walked in the studio Howard knew what his secret was. Howard took his guess and got it right. The guy's secret was that he has a penis that measures between 12½ and 16½ inches long. Howard could tell just by the clothing he was wearing. He also guessed that Jonah was gay. Jonah says that he's bi-sexual but it's easier to pick up men. He also said it's easier for a man to accept his huge penis than it is for a woman. He claims that between the ages of 20 to 25 he slept with a different person every day of the week. He even pulled it out of his shorts to show everyone. He was swinging it around like a rope. He said that it's about 8½ inches long when it's soft. There was a lot of delay hits during this part of the interview so it was kind of hard to follow. They must have gotten a bit too graphic. Jonah also claims that he slept with a celebrity although he wouldn't give the name. He did say that the person's initials were C.R. When everyone was guessing it was Christopher Reeve he wouldn't confirm or deny it. He said he doesn't want to get sued so he wouldn't confirm it.
After the whole penis fiasco Howie and Howard spent quite a while talking. Howie told a story about why he doesn't blow up rubber gloves on his head anymore. He used to close his act by putting a rubber glove on his head then blow it up with his nose. He ended up perforating his sinus cavity by doing that. The conversation eventually turned to Howie's obsession with cleanliness. He said that he used to be really bad and would have to shower 5 times a day so he wouldn't have any germs on him. There were some stains on the couch in the green room at the K-Rock studio so Howie wouldn't sit down while waiting to come into the studio. Howie explained that when he stays in a hotel he won't touch the comforter on the bed without wrapping his hand in toilet paper. He takes it off the bed completely when he sleeps because they don't get cleaned like the sheets. He also puts a towel in the shower so he won't have to touch the tub with his bare feet. The one thing that was really bothering him today was the fact that after Jonah touched his penis earlier he used that hand to open the studio door to leave. Howie said that since that moment he's been wondering how he's going to get out of the studio because there's no way he's going to touch that door handle. This was the best part of the whole interview! Howie was going crazy and everyone was poking fun. Howard told Howie about some of Jackie's bad habits when it comes to using bathrooms. Jackie will use a public bathroom and not put paper on the seat. That seemed to sicken Howie. This interview was getting close to an hour long without a commercial break so Howard had to let Howie go. He said that he wants Howie to come back because they're not done with this interview. Howard told Howie that when his show gets canceled that he has to come on Howard's show first. Howie agreed to it. Later in the show Howard said it was funny to watch Howie try to get out of the studio. Hopefully they'll show that on E!.
New Rule For Rosie O'Donnell Jelly Bean Head. 6/10/98. 9:30am
For those of you following the rarely mentioned Rosie O'Donnell jelly bean head game here's a new rule. From now on when someone makes a guess Gary will say whether it's too high or too low. In the past they weren't telling anyone if their guess was high or low. You can see all of the guesses and keep track of them on my Rosie O'Donnell Jelly Bean Head update page.
-- Tuesday June 9, 1998 --
Goofing On Magic Johnson's New TV Show. 6/9/98. 6:05am
Last night was the premiere of Magic Johnson's new tv show ''The Magic Hour''. Howard watched some of it this morning and spent about an hour goofing on how bad it was. He was playing tape of the show pointing out how Johnson didn't have to do much on the show. He just sits there while his sidekick does the lame jokes. The show was so bad that it was almost funny. Howard said it sounded like a parody of a talk show.
Farting Maria. 6/9/98. 7:50am
After Chris Crap made his debut last Friday this woman called in and said she could fart on command just as well as Chris could. She showed up today to demonstrate. Maria doesn't create her farts the same way as Chris did. Chris was able to suck air in through his ass but Maria does it by swallowing air and letting it work it's way out the other end. She said that because she's a singer she's able to manipulate her diaphragm to force the air down through her intestines. Whatever she does, it works. She was able to blow some really nasty farts at will. Plus they come out stinking unlike Chris Crap's farts. His didn't travel through his intestines so they're stink-less. Howard had Maria play along to a couple of songs too. She'd fart when the song would stop. Howard noticed that she makes a weird face when she's doing her farts. Gary described it as looking ''like a guy doing a guitar solo..''. She wasn't aware that she was doing that. During the segment Howard took a call from another guy who claims he's just as good as Maria and Chris. Howard is flying the guy in so he can demonstrate it in person. After that guy called in Howard came up with an interesting idea. He wants to take his band ''The Losers'' on the horrible new Magic Johnson show. Playing along with The Losers would be Maria and Chris Crap. The Losers would play something like ''It's A Gas'' and Maria and Chris would back them up with farts. Howard put the offer out over the air so if any of Magic Johnson's people were listening they'd have an exclusive with Howard. Howard has been lying low lately staying off of tv as much as possible but since Magic's show sucks so bad it doesn't make much difference. Howard tried to blast a fart near the end of the interview but almost crapped his pants. Eventually he snuck out a quick blast. Maria did a couple more just before she left and the last one she did was really nasty. It was kind of juicy and bubbling.
Norm MacDonald Comes In. 6/9/98. 8:25am
Comedian Norm MacDonald came in to plug his new movie ''Dirty Work'' which opens on Friday, June 12. Norm stars in the movie with his buddy Artie Lang. Artie was with Norm today and came in to hang out for a while. The last time the two of them were on together Artie explained how he got fired from Fox's Mad TV because of his cocaine use. The first thing Norm noticed when he walked in was the huge Rosie O'Donnell jelly bean head. Howard had him take a guess at how many beans were in the head. Norm guessed 6,108. That number was incorrect according to Gary. Howard spent some time talking about how NBC asswipe Don Ohlmyer wasn't allowing Norm's movie to be advertised on the network. Ohlmyer is the guy who had Norm fired from his job on Saturday Night Live because he didn't think he was funny. That was supposed to be the big story today when Norm came in but Ohlmyer's boss Bob Wright said that they'd allow Norm's movie to be advertised now. They must have thought about how dumb it was to ban him in the first place. Howard also read a story somewhere that Norm was now divorced. Norm denied it a bunch of times but Howard said he couldn't tell if Norm was telling the truth or not. They also spent some time talking about Norm's stand-up routine that didn't go to well at some college. A couple of listeners called in to tell Howard how weird Norm was that night. Norm said that it was just an off night and the audience didn't like him. Artie had a story about getting a ''Blumpkin'' from a prostitute up in Toronto. He didn't get into much detail but said that a ''Blumpkin'' is when someone gives you oral sex while you sit on the toilet. Before Norm left he said that he'll be working on a new movie called ''Ball Busted'' starting in about a week. After that he's got another script in the works and when that's done he said he'd like to go back to doing tv.
-- Monday June 8, 1998 --
Transsexual Race Car Driver Comes In. 6/8/98. 8:00am
Transsexual race car driver Terry O'Connell came in with her co-driver Amy. Terry was a driver in one of the NASCAR racing series. She was a man at the time and raced on a team with Ernie Irvan in 1990. Back then she was known as J.T. Hayes. When she came in Howard said she looked like a woman. He didn't say a good looking woman though. Her co-driver was pretty cute according to Howard. The two of them just finished the famous Cannonball Run in a new Volkswagen Beetle. Terry said that there aren't many companies out there who will sponsor her. After her sex change she was dropped by her previous sponsors. The one sponsor she does have right now is Candi's Shoes. I guess Terry would like to get back into NASCAR racing but without sponsorship she's out of luck. Howard asked her a bunch of questions about how she went through the operation and if she can feel anything in her man made genital area. After 2 failed marriages Terry said she went in for her operation at age 28. The operation took 6 hours and her fake vagina was created using her old penis. She claims that she does have sensation in her fake vagina. Howard has heard from people that there is no sensation there after the operation. Howard was wondering what the fake vagina looks like so he asked Terry to show it. Terry wouldn't do it. She also wouldn't show her breasts. Co-driver Amy said that she got to see Terry's breasts during the Cannonball Run because they spent 7 days in a car together. They changed clothes in the car so there was some nudity. After the show Terry and Amy were to appear at The Fashion Cafe in New York City with their Beetle. Howard said that Terry should show off her fake vagina there but that won't be happening.
Daniel Carver Movie Reviews. 6/8/98. 8:50am
KKK member Daniel Carver called in with his latest movie reviews. They included Boys In The Band, Blackula and Bulworth. One unusual thing about this week's reviews is the fact that Daniel actually had to go to a theater to see Bulworth. Usually he just gets video copies of movies to review. The first movie he reviewed today was Boys In The Band. From what I understand the movie is about a bunch of gay guys. Daniel said the movie was about ''a bunch of queers'' and gave it 0 burning crosses. Next up was Blackula. This is a Dracula movie but with a black cast. Daniel didn't like this movie much either so he gave it 1 burning cross. Finally Daniel reviewed Bulworth which stars Warren Beatty. Daniel liked this one a little more than Blackula but not much. He didn't like Beatty acting like a ''wigger''. Daniel gave Bulworth 2 burning crosses. After the reviews Howard told Daniel that next week he'll be reviewing basketball player Magic Johnson's new late night tv show. That led to Daniel mentioning that his wife has a Magic Johnson doll. She's a doll collector and surprisingly she collects black dolls along with white. Daniel said that she keeps them separate from the white dolls. He also said that he has a Klan doll keeping an eye on the black dolls. After the doll discussion Daniel mentioned that he'll be attending a Klan rally in Fort Payne Alabama on June 13. He'll be there selling his KKK souvenirs. Daniel explained how the Klan will be protesting on the courthouse steps in Fort Payne. He didn't say what they'd be protesting but I'm sure it's something ridiculous. After the protest they'll take a break and head over to some park where Daniel will have his trailer full of t-shirts, belt buckles, hats, pins and stickers all set up for business. Check back next week for Daniel's review of Magic Johnson's tv show The Magic Hour! You can find all of Daniel's movie reviews in my Daniel Carver Movie Review Summary.