Howard took a break and came back to talk about what he did over the weekend. He had his parents over on Friday night for dinner so he talked about that for a short time. He talked about how hard it was to get the house ready for his family without having a housekeeper to help him out. Howard said his kids didn't want him to hire anyone for the house because they wanted just the family around. But then they wonder why Howard's mother is helping him clean up after dinner. He said the kids have always had a housekeeper so they have no idea what life is like without one. Robin said they're going to be in for a big surprise when they go out on their own. Howard went on to say that he loves spending time with the kids and this whole divorce thing has made a mess out of that. Howard said he and Alison have split holidays with the kids so he won't have them for Thanksgiving.
Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to know what Howard thinks is the reason for the World Trade Center attacks. He had been talking about the terrorists earlier and she wanted to complain about some of the things that he had to say. Howard argued with her for a short time before she hung up on him.
Howard got back to fun and said he ran into Artie at Scores on Saturday night. Howard said he took Beth out to dinner and made out with her the whole time. Robin told him he should stay home instead of going out to do that. Howard said he loves doing that and throwing it in people's faces. Howard said they were fooling around and at one point, he made his napkin move with his wiener. He wanted to stick his hand up her dress too but she wouldn't let him do that. Howard said he got a call from John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and they wanted to get together with him as well as Hugh Jackman and his wife. Howard said he had about an hour to kill before dinner so he went to Scores. Artie was throwing a bachelor party for a friend at Scores so a bunch of the wack pack were there too. Artie said he didn't invite those people, they just kind of showed up. Stuttering John came in and said it was ''the worst'' because High Pitch Erik was there annoying everyone. Artie said he actually invited Beetlejuice but that was the only one who was actually invited. Everyone else just showed up.
Howard said he showed up around 10:30 or so but Beth ''wasn't in the mood.'' They left shortly after getting there. He said that the strippers were talking to them way too much too. Howard said that they were all talking to Beth and even Beth told him they talk too much. Howard said he left after an hour and then went out and met Hugh Jackman and his wife. Howard said they were nice. He also met John Stamos' mother that night.
Howard then went on to talk about Sunday night when his buddy Ross Zaipin threw a ''Sex and the City'' party because his girlfriend had a part on the show. She played a topless chick in the show. Howard spent a few minutes telling that story. Stuttering John saw the show and said that Ross' girlfriend's breasts were great. Howard said he'd seen them one other time when she flashed him. Howard said he liked what he saw.
High Pitch Erik called in and brought up an article about Howard he saw in the paper over the weekend. Howard said he usually knows when these guys take a picture of him but this one he had no idea. The picture showed Howard's tattoo so the title of it was ''Howard Stern shows off his tattoo.'' Howard said he was just walking down the street, not showing off his tattoo. Zolar called in and said that Artie thanked them for coming to Scores that night. Zolar said that Artie drank 15 shots that night and that he can really drink. Zolar said the strippers there took advantage of that and took him for every cent they could. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that High Pitch Erik was kissing the bachelor party guy. Erik claims that he just does that stuff as a goof but everyone seems to think that he's gay. Gary asked Erik why he doesn't just go gay. Erik says he's not gay though. Ronnie said that Erik freaked the girls out at Scores because he just stands there staring at them. Erik was denying even kissing the bachelor guy but Ronnie and Artie said that he was all over the guy. Comedian Greg Fitzsimmons was also at Scores so he called in and said that he witnessed Erik kissing the guy and rubbing in his crotch. Greg also said Erik pulled down his pants and showed his ass to the guy. He said it was really gay. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Zolar about the night and then had to take another break.
After the break Howard announced that comedian Jimmy Kimmel has left his wife of 14 years and he's now with comedian Sarah Silverman. Howard said he kind of knew about this before it was officially announced. Howard wondered if he'd leave his wife for a Sarah Silverman. He said that Jimmy should go back to his wife. Artie said that Sarah is hot for a comedian but was still surprised that Jimmy went that way.
Howard read in the news that Canada says they won't support the U.S. if we attack Iraq. Howard said that doesn't really matter because we don't need their support. Howard joked that we'd only need them if we needed someone to ice skate during the war.
Howard went through a bunch of other quick stories he read in the news to kill some time. He brought up a bunch of things including one story about a guy who just woke up from a coma after 7 years. Howard said he picked the wrong time to come out of the coma. He'll be subjected to the whole 9/11 thing and stuff like that. He'll also be surprised to learn about what happened with the OJ Simpson case.
Reporter Debbie Schlussel called in and rambled on and on like she does so well. She was backing up what Howard was saying earlier in the morning. She had a lot of other crazy facts about terrorism that she told Howard about.
Howard also brought up the people at E! who are putting on a special prime time show on Sunday night featuring Anna Nicole Smith. Howard said they came to him and said that they were going to ''help him out'' by putting his show on in prime time. Howard said he knows better and said that he's helping them out by being on in prime time on their channel. He said he knows that Anna Nicole's ratings have been dropping and they need him to help boost the ratings. He went off on all of these people who are screwing him and asked them to use some lube when they f-him.
Howard took calls from some other people who had horror stories about divorces too. One guy called in and said he's getting married in 10 days. Howard just laughed at him and tried to give him some advice. The guy told Howard that his woman is the one who's making the money though. Howard said that he's got a good deal then. Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and defended marriage and the divorce laws but Howard didn't want to hear it from him because he's a divorce lawyer.
Howard wrapped up the call and gave David a plug. You can find out more about the divorce laws in New York at SilentMajority.info.
Howard then changed subjects and said that he heard that when Artie was trying to get a date with his current girlfriend he practiced asking her out while looking in a mirror. Artie said that he did practiced ''...not looking like a dick.'' He told Howard that he would get dressed in his leather jacket and would look in the mirror to see if he looked okay asking her out. Howard and the guys spent a few minutes goofing on him about that.
After that someone said the other night after Artie threw the bachelor party at Scores they heard him say that the next one may be his own. Artie said he's not planning anything at this point but the guys said it looks like he may just fall into that hole and marry this woman Dana that he's dating. Stuttering John said that he probably won't have her sign a pre-nuptial agreement either. Artie said he can see himself married to Dana some day but he doesn't know if or when that would happen. Stuttering John asked him if he can see himself married to her in 2 years. Artie said he has no idea what his life will be like in two years. He said he could be in rehab for all he knows. Howard gave him the usual talk about getting married and divorced. Howard also spoke to John about his wife and what will happen when they divorce. John said that he will take care of his wife by getting her an apartment and the kids will be taken care of. He thinks that he'll be able to keep his house out on Long Island too but the guys told him that won't happen once the lawyers get a hold of them. John said his wife is really cool about all of this at this point but Howard and Gary told him that when a marriage goes wrong, things change. They said that she won't be cool with all of that stuff during the divorce.
Howard interrupted that discussion to take a call from a guy who says that his wife wanted him to suck on a dildo for her. Howard told the guy that his wife is disturbed and that him doing something like that is gay. He spent a couple of minutes talking to the guy about that while the other guys brought up other gay stuff that women want their men to do.
Dominic Barbara called in again and told John that he will lose more than he thinks he will if he ever gets divorced. Apparently the laws in New York are such that John would lose half of what he has no matter what he thinks his wife isn't going to take.
This guy Robert called in last week with the audio version of Robin's book. He drove down from Boston to deliver the tapes so Howard could play them on the air. Howard said he wanted to get to him earlier in the morning but didn't get the chance. Howard had him come in so he could thank him. He also played a quick clip from the tapes where Robin is talking about masturbating and some other embarrassing stuff. She talks about spending hours under the covers masturbating and some other wacky stuff. Howard said they're going to have fun with those tapes. Artie said it's a week's worth of shows. Howard played more tape than he planned and it was all great. He played tape of her talking about her sexual feelings and how she's felt like ripping open her shirt while driving her car to show other drivers her breasts. Howard played another tape where Robin talks about her ''man trapping outfit'' that she used to wear to pick up guys. Howard stopped the tape and said they'd play it on tomorrow's show. He said he was thinking of playing this stuff on 9/11 instead of doing the special (commercial free/replay of last year) that they planned on doing. Howard thanked Robert for bringing the tapes down and gave him a gift for his help. Gary told him he was getting a watch courtesy of Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard then moved on to Robin's news.
KC eventually got Beet to repeat after him the right way but it took a while. He got him to say ''It was September 11th. I was asleep in my bird cage.'' Then Beetle said that KC was nuts and wanted him to get away from him. He didn't understand the bird cage thing and thought KC was crazy.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard who said she wants to be Beetle's best friend. He kept her on the line for a few minutes before wrapping up the quick interview. KC told Howard that Beetle was also there to promote his DVD ''Beetle Uncensored'' which is available at JollyDwarf.com.
Howard also mentioned a couple of things he saw in the news. He saw that the guy who invented the Uzi machine gun just died. He then said that he learned that Jerry Lewis' wife is named San Dee which he seemed to find interesting because of the spelling. Howard spent a short time talking about how Christopher Reeve has experienced walking and can move some of his limbs on his own. He's been in physical therapy for a long time now and he's able to move a little bit.
Robin mentioned that David Letterman is making a big deal out of the fact that he'll be broadcasting on September 11th. Howard pointed out that David waited two weeks after the attacks last year to go back on the air. Meanwhile, Howard was broadcasting that day and every day after that. Howard brought up his broadcast from last year and how he was discussing his night out with Pam Anderson when the attacks happened last year. They ended up having the same conversation this morning after Howard brought it up. Howard ended up talking about how it went last year when his buddy Ralph was on the phone with him talking about Pam and then the attacks on the World Trade Center.
Howard continued his discussion about the terrorists and how they'll always hate us no matter what happens. He spent a little while longer talking about everything that has been going on in the news lately and then took a break.
After the break the discussions continued. Howard knew he was starting to sound political after making some comments about what we're doing about the terrorists. He said sometimes you have to be serious but then said that they needed to get some poon tang in there. He then took a call from a Jewish woman who rambled on and on about how Howard could become the leader of the Jews or something like that. After talking to her for a short time Howard got off the phone and then talked about how wacky religions are.
News columnist Debbie Schlussel called in but Howard wasn't so sure he wanted to hear her getting all political. Robin said she enjoys hearing Debbie's thoughts as long as Artie does his impression of her. Artie started that right away but laid off after a short time. Howard ended up talking to Debbie about her sex life instead. She wouldn't discuss it for long though, she'd get right back to her unbelievable knowledge of terrorists and stuff like that. Howard got off the phone with her after a short time because he couldn't take it much longer. Howard gave Debbie a few plugs for the many web sites she's writing for. PoliticalUSA.com, NewsAndOpinion.com and DebbieSchlussel.com are a few of her many sites.
Howard moved on and talked about some e-mail he's gotten lately. A bunch of people have wanted to know who performs the version of ''Light My Fire'' that Howard has been singing to over the past few months. Fred told Howard it's a band called Young Holt Unlimited. Howard sang a little more for everyone and then read some more e-mail. Howard went through a bunch of stuff including people who are leaving him money in their wills. Howard said the only person to ever leave him money was his grandfather... and he only left him $5.
A woman called in and complained about Howard giving his political views on the show lately and how no one wants to hear them. Howard recognized her as a woman who called in yesterday. She was an Arab sympathizer and ended up telling Howard he was a ''Jew Lover'' as she hung up yesterday. Today she hung up before Howard had the chance to really go off on her.
A phone caller brought up the end of Howard's contract and how there will be nothing to listen to when he's done. Howard said there will be plenty of imitators out there when he leaves in 3 years. He said that he doesn't want to be like Imus, all old and hanging on to a radio career. Howard said people will forget about him when he leaves radio.
After taking another break Howard came back and announced that tonight on E! is the Intern Beauty Pageant that they just held last week. He then said that KC found a classic bit that they did on the show that was lost behind a desk in the office. Howard played the tape and it featured the Marv Albert impersonator sitting in as a farter blasted away in the studio. Howard then plugged tonight's ''Son of the Beach'' shows which are reruns. Tonight they have a double feature of the Johnny Queefer episodes. Howard talked about the next new episode too that features Lee Majors and Barry Livingston (from My Three Sons) who gets analy raped daily on the show.
Marty sounded kind of serious when he called in but he said it was just early for him. He also said that it's the day before September 11th and Howard's talking about the usual stuff. Howard went on to ask Marty what he was doing on September 11th last year. He talked about how he was working on a movie as a double for a 5 year old kid when he found out. Howard also talked to Marty about his son who is just as tall as he is. Howard was calling Marty a ''midget'' so Marty corrected him and said he's not a midget, there's no such thing as a midget. He said he's a dwarf.
Howard asked Marty if he was up for the part of ''Mini Me'' in the Austin Powers movies. Marty said he did try out for it the first time around but he's a bit taller than Vern Troyer who got the part.
Howard asked Marty about having sex and what that's like. He found out that Marty's head is right around an average sized woman's neck when he's having sex. Marty also told Howard that doggy style is his favorite position. Howard said he's seen Marty naked before and he's got a ''normal sized'' penis. He said Marty is a good looking guy too.
Howard brought up Marty's kid and the kid's mother. Marty said they broke up and the woman and his kid live in Baltimore now. Marty said he gets to see the kid once in a while. He said he's got another girlfriend who is 5'4'' tall and 105 pounds.
After talking to Marty for a few minutes Howard said he'd love to follow him around with a camera. He said he has dibs on him for a reality show.
Gary came in and said that Marty isn't liked by a lot of small people because he dates average sized people. Marty said he dated a dwarf not too long ago and she left him for a black dwarf. Artie had some fun with that and goofed around with that idea for a short time.
Howard told Marty he should come in with his girlfriend sometime but he's really busy for the next few months. Marty said that he's working on a bunch of movies including one with Stacey Keach and Dick Van Patten. Howard said that he's in a lot of weird movies that no one will ever see. Marty said he did one with Jet Li where Jet beats the crap out of him.
Howard got to the point of Marty's call. He heard that Howard is having this celebrity boxing fight soon and wants to challenge Gary Coleman to a fight. He said that Gary is taller than him but he'd like to fight him. Howard sounds interested and Gary is going to contact Gary to see if he's up for it.
The two of them spent a short time talking about what Jeremy has spent some of his money on so far. He bought a house for himself and one for his mother. He said that his parents are divorced and his mother won't let his father come after him for money.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) from Steppin' Out Magazine called in and brought up the fact that Jeremy got into a fight with one of the other players after they demanded that he reveal his signing bonus and sing some songs as a hazing. Howard found out that it was Brandon Short he got into the fight with. They spent a short time talking about that before moving on to some phone calls. Howard let a few people talk to Jeremy before he wrapped up the call.
Howard spent some time talking about how women seem to love Jimmy Fallon. He talked about how he had to put Jimmy down after his girlfriend talked about how cute and funny he was. Howard is a bit insecure about his relationship with his girlfriend. He said that he bad mouths a lot of good looking guys so she won't be so attracted to them.
Howard was talking about tonight's E! show with the Intern Beauty Pageant and how hot the interns were. Stuttering John said that he's gotten so bad that he'll jog around this park where students from NYU hang out just so he can see the hot 21 and 22 year olds in their hot outfits.
Howard talked about how he used to see the hot models coming out of a modeling agency while he was going through marriage counseling. That didn't help him with the divorce because he was seeing all of the hot chicks he could be banging.
Before Jimmy even came in Howard was getting phone calls from people who wanted him to ask Jimmy about women he's dated including Natalie Portman. It didn't take long for Howard to get into that with Jimmy. He spent a short time talking to Jimmy about computer viruses. He was talking about them during a commercial break so he continued the discussion with Jimmy. Howard read one from someone who sent them a link to a web site that would probably give them a virus. Howard then went on to talk about another news story about a guy who was used as a sex slave. Some people met the guy in a chat room and then allegedly raped and tortured the guy for 8 days. Artie and Jimmy had some fun with their southern accents goofing on these people who allegedly held this guy.
Howard moved on to ask Jimmy about how great it is to be the ''hot guy'' on Saturday Nigh Live now. Jimmy didn't talk about that much. He ended up telling Howard how lame all of these other morning DJs are. He did an impression of the DJs he did a show with not too long ago to show just how bad they are. Jimmy then told Howard that he really should leave radio because it's gotten so bad. Jimmy told Howard he thinks he's done all that he can do in radio.
Howard heard that Jimmy once went up to Jackie the Joke Man and asked him for some advice on being a comedian. Jackie told him to quit which was pretty bad advice. Jimmy does a great Jackie impression so he did that a little bit. Howard said that Jackie gave bad advice to a lot of people including Eddie Murphy.
Jimmy is a big fan of Howard's so he asked what ever happened to Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. Howard said Kenneth has been calling him lately wondering why he can't get on the show. Jimmy talked about how great Kenneth was on Howard's WWOR show back in the late 80's. They talked about him blowing smoke out of his eyes and then throwing up. Howard also mentioned some of the other wacky stuff that Kenneth did when he was on the show. Jimmy said he loved that guy. Howard eventually broke down and said that he'd have Kenneth on again because he really was great on the show.
Jimmy said he even bought Stuttering John's music CD because he was such a fan. Now he's got his own CD out. Howard asked him about the CD and wondered if people just listen to them one time and then throw them out. Jimmy said it gets better after a couple of times.
Jimmy told Howard about how he got on Saturday Night Live and how it was his life long dream to do so. He used to do a lot of impressions as a kid and that's what got him on. He told Howard what he did for Lorne Michaels to get the gig. He did his Jerry Seinfeld impression for Howard and it really is amazing. Jimmy said he did that one and Gilbert Gottfried which was pretty amazing too. He also did Adam Sandler for Lorne Michaels and that got Lorne to laugh. Jimmy gave Howard a quick bit of his Adam Sandler and that was just as good as his other impressions. Jimmy said they made him wait two weeks before they told him he had the job on SNL.
Jimmy told Howard about working on SNL and how the process of coming up with the segments works. He said that the cast are allowed to come up with two skits a week but there are also other writers there to come up with other stuff.
Howard brought up the women that Jimmy is rumored to have been with. He mentioned Natalie Portman and Winona Ryder but Jimmy said he didn't sleep with either of them. He said he just did a commercial with Natalie for MTV and Winona was just a friend of his. Howard sort of backed off the chick banging thing since Jimmy didn't seem to want to talk about it.
Gary came in and wanted Howard to ask Jimmy about a story Mike Walker from the National Enquirer mentioned during a game. It turns out it was true that Jimmy got pissed off and argued with some woman and kicked her out of his car. Jimmy swore that it was just a joke and he wanted to embarrass her when she was getting out to get some coffee at a Starbucks Coffee shop. He said that the woman was shy and he was just goofing around. Howard thought that was pretty funny and compared it to Jim Florentine making a waiter grind fresh pepper on his meal at a restaurant for 8 minutes at a time.
Howard got back to the women he's heard Jimmy's been with and brought up Gina Gershon and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Jimmy told Howard that he didn't get either of them.
Howard said he heard that comedian Jeffery Ross was up for the Weekend Update part on SNL and Jimmy nudged him out. Jimmy said that's kind of true but he didn't strong arm him out of the part or anything. He claims that Lorne Michaels asked him to do it but he demanded that he have a co-host.
Gary came in and brought up a few more women that they've heard he's been with. Kirsten Dunst was one but, once again, Jimmy said ''no'' about her too. Howard said that Jimmy must still be a virgin. Jimmy said he really hasn't dated any famous women. He does date, but they're not famous. Howard said he thinks he's covering up like Norm Macdonald used to do with Elle Mcpherson.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Jimmy has dated Winona Ryder and it's obvious he doesn't want to talk about it. Howard said it's okay if he doesn't want to talk about it.
Howard moved on and brought up the fact that Jimmy worked with Woody Allen on a movie and wondered if he has a problem with Woody's morals. Jimmy said that when you get a script from Woody you're amazed and have to do the movie.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who claims that Jimmy punched him in the head at some bar or something one night. Jimmy sort of remembered the guy but didn't remember punching him in the back of the head.
Howard has a new intern working at the station who claims that she may have been the inspiration for this ''Drunk Girl'' bit they do on SNL. She came in and explained how she met Jimmy one night at a bar, got drunk and showed him her tattoo. A couple of months later she saw this other guy on the show doing the ''Drunk Girl'' bit with Jimmy and he was saying stuff that was sort of like what she'd done at the bar. Jimmy said he hated to ruin a good story but it was the other guy's bit and he didn't have anything to do with it so she wasn't the inspiration for the bit. She then told everyone she wasn't really telling everyone she was the inspiration, she was mortified that it might be her. Gary came in and said that yesterday she was going around telling everyone that she was the inspiration for the bit though.
Howard played a little bit of Jimmy's CD as he wrapped up the interview. He also had his buddy Ross Zaipin come in for about a minute before he ended the segment.
Howard talked about some of the guests they were going to have on later in the morning too. As he was doing that Fred had sad music playing in the background. When he mentioned Steven Tyler being a guest later on, he said that he listened to a couple of Aerosmith songs while he was banging his girlfriend last night. He said he also had some Black Crowes, Bon Jovi and David Bowie stuff on during that session. He said that he has a jukebox feature on his CD player that allows him to have just his favorite songs play.
Howard said he heard bagpipes playing really early this morning. Gary said that they started that at 3am. Howard didn't think that was fair for everyone in the city.
Howard said they wanted to have KKK guy Daniel Carver do a special message for today where he wouldn't use the N-word... but that didn't happen. Howard played the bit they put together and Daniel talks about 9/11 and what he was doing that day. He said he was fixing a doctor's roof when the attacks happened. He watched some of the coverage and then went back to work. He then goes on to say that we need to get rid of all of ''these people'' who are destroying our country ''from within'' (according to Daniel).
Howard played a clip of a song that Dan the Song Parody Man put together featuring Howard's coverage last year put over a Metallica song. Dan called in so Howard spent a short time talking to him. He got in a couple of plugs for both the SternFanNetwork.com and KOAM.com sites where there are links to his site where you can download the song. Here's the direct link http://onlinerock.com/musicians/songparodyman/index1.shtml
A guy who was in Tower 2 on September 11th called in to talk about what happened to him. He told Howard that he was working for a big company in the tower when he saw the flames and smoke from the first hit. He said he got out of the building even though they were told they were okay to stay there. He managed to get out of the building with some other people. Howard asked this guy Kevin if he saw people leaping out of tower 1 when he got out. He talked to Howard for a while about what has gone on since then and how he's left the state.
Howard took a call from Joseph Whiteman, the owner of a Mailboxes Etc. franchise that was near the World Trade Center when it collapsed. He said that he lost it all after the collapse but his insurance coverage helped pay for the losses. He talked about how he managed to get through that mess. He said his business is still suffering from that day but he's managed to keep all of his employees. Howard wanted to help the guy out so he let him give a plug for his business that's at 295 Greenwich St. in Manhattan. Howard encouraged anyone who needs a private mailbox in that area to go down there and help the guy out.
Howard got a stripper by the name of Dawn on the phone. She was working at Scores the night before the attacks. She was asleep the morning of the attacks when she got a phone call from someone who wanted to tell her about what happened. Howard interrupted her story to ask her about what she looks like. She's only 4'11'' tall and Vietnamese. Howard was getting sidetracked thinking about her. He ended up talking to her about her lesbian experiences. She said she realized she might be a lesbian when she was only 11 years old. Howard also asked her about what she was wearing. She was wearing a ''wife beater'' t-shirt and no bra. Howard got back to her 9/11 story after that. Dawn said that her door man called her to tell her a friend was there. She was naked when her friend showed up. Her friend told her to put some clothes on so they could go up to the roof. When they got up there they saw the first tower go down. She said they were screaming and crying when they saw that happen. She also said that some guy had his arm around her because she was crying. She doesn't even know who the guy was. After that Dawn said she was too terrified to leave her apartment. She said she didn't leave the house for a week. All she did was drink which led to her losing weight. She said she wanted to kill herself because she was so distraught over the whole thing. She's gotten over it lately and is back to her normal self. Howard said he would love to comfort her if she's ever distraught over something like that.
Howard moved on to Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro who called in to talk about what happened to him one year ago. He claims that he wet his bed when he heard about the first plane crash. Gary came in and interrupted the conversation. He said that Jeff had some wacky stuff happen to him over the weekend. Jeff said he was driving home from getting tickets to a country music concert when a cop pulled him over for not wearing a seat belt. He had a bowl in the car that contained a little weed. The cop ended up arresting him.
Howard interrupted Jeff to take a call from Crazy Cabbie who was ''normal Cabbie'' one year ago today. He called in that day and gave his eyewitness report from the streets of New York. Howard replayed the tape from that morning and then spoke to Cabbie about how he feels things have gone. Cabbie said he thinks that the patriotism has waned off since that time last year and he's confused about what how to feel about what we've done so far. Cabbie said that he thought more would have been done about terrorists and thought that we'd deport more people. Howard agreed and said that he thought they'd stop people from coming into the country but they haven't done enough about that. Howard let Cabbie kiss his ass a little before getting off the phone. Cabbie told him how great he thinks he is and how people always tell him how Howard go them through that day last year.
Howard took a call from Congressman Gary Ackerman who called in last year on this day. He and Howard talked about the possibility of invading Iraq as well as some other stuff. Howard told him how great he was on the phone last year and moved on to more stuff.
Howard got this guy David Little on the phone. He owns Chambers St. Wine which is located at 160 Chambers St. David said that he had to lay off one person after the attacks but they've stayed open since then. He said they've lost quite a bit of money since then and it's going to be tough over the nest few years while they rebuild. Howard let the guy give a plug for his place. David said you can visit their web site at ChambersStWine.com or give them a call at (212) 227-1434. David also talked to Howard about how President Bush seems to have forgotten that it was Al Quaeda that attacked us, not Iraq, which is what he's concentrating on at this point. Howard said he thinks that Iraq is part of the problem right now but David is right about Al Quaeda being our main problem at this point. David's voice was cracking because he was getting so emotional.
Next up was Governor George Pataki who Howard has supported for years. Howard told Governor Pataki how great he's been through this whole thing and how hard he worked. Howard said you don't get public officials like that often. He said it would be ashame to lose the guy in the next election. Governor Pataki gave a short speech about the attacks and the people who were lost. Howard said he's glad he supported Pataki in the last election.
Howard said last night he got a call from KC who was trying to make a phony phone call. KC was trying to make it seem like he didn't want to come in to work today. Howard knew it was a phony phone call right away and started laughing at him. KC tried to keep it going but Howard knew. Howard told KC he's such a bad actor that he didn't believe what he was saying. Howard told KC that he should have just said he wasn't coming in because he was sick or something. He would have believed that. KC also called Gary and made the same prank call to him. Gary knew he was full of crap too. He told KC he was taping him and didn't believe it. KC then told Howard that he made a call to Artie. He went in a different direction with the call. He told Artie he wasn't coming in and asked him to pick up Howard's breakfast. Artie wrote down all of this stuff that KC gets for Howard in the morning. He gave him a bunch of directions for what to get and how to go about it. Artie said he went along with it. He told Howard that he didn't want KC to get in trouble so he went with it. Even Artie knew it was a joke. When KC told him to put two pieces of lemon in his pocket he sounded puzzled. Artie knew it was a joke after that. Artie thought he was pretty good at the phony phone call.
Howard also had a phony phone call that High Pitch Erik did to a pizza place. He called the place and said that the pizza screwed up his voice and he wants a year worth of pizza free. The woman says she'll have the owner call him but he freaks out and yells at her. He tells her he sounds like a homo and wants free pizza but she can't do anything about it.
Howard took a call from a woman by the name of Liz who was about a block away from the WTC when the attacks happened. She said she was in her apartment on the phone with her husband. Her husband was in the building right next to the WTC so she heard everyone scream when the first plane crashed. They saw the bodies falling which is what Howard finds to be one of the most disturbing parts of the attacks. She said she had a view of the WTC herself and saw people jumping from the building. She described in detail what she saw and it was very graphic. Howard let her talk about her morning and how horrible it was. She said her business is located down in that area and wanted to get a plug for it. She said it's called Plus One Fitness and they can build fitness centers. She also gave out their web site MyFitnessExpert.com before Howard moved on.
A guy called in and said that he was in one of the buildings and he's tired of hearing people talking about helping other people because he didn't see any of it happening. Howard said that just because he didn't see it happen doesn't mean it didn't. Howard said the guy was just trying to be a tough guy. The guy sounded like he just didn't want to hear about any of this stuff to be reminded about it. Howard said his girlfriend didn't want to watch all of the coverage last night either. They were going to watch the movie ''Spy Kids'' but she didn't want to watch that either so they ended up watching all of the 9/11 coverage anyway.
Howard took a call from Pasquale Buzelli who worked on the 64th floor of the North Tower. He was in the elevator when the plane hit. He said they made it to the 22nd floor when the building collapsed. He said he was laying on the floor when the floor collapsed from underneath him and he fell. He said when he fell he was being hit on the head by stuff which made him see stars. He said he was unconscious for 3 hours after that. Gary came in and said the story sounded fake to him but it's been documented in several newspapers. Howard said it's a miracle he survived. Pasquale told Howard how he woke up on the top of a pile of rubble and just waited for someone to come and help him. After hearing his story Howard let Pasquale give a plug for his wife who has written a song and the proceeds will go to the women who were pregnant who lost their husbands in the disaster. You can find out more about that at SongForHope.com
Former Mayor Rudolph Giuliani called in to talk about this nightmare. Howard and Rudy talked about remembering the day and how tough it is. Rudy told Howard it was actually a glorious day for the people who saved the people who were saved. He also said that it brought the country together after the attacks and didn't break us like the terrorists wanted to do. Giuliani went on to say that we need to end global terrorism and we need to continue to do what we're doing about Sadam Hussain and the other terrorists around the world. Howard told Rudy that he misses him since he left office. Howard said that he and Governor Pataki working together was great. Howard and Rudy spent a little more time talking about what needs to be done and about what should replace the World Trade Center. Robin said she wants Rudy to run for some public office and said she wants him to run for President. He said that's a long way off and he doesn't know what he's going to do at this point.
After getting off the phone Howard said he and Billy have run into one another out in The Hamptons and they do get along with each other. He said he promised to stick to one topic this morning so that's why they didn't talk to him about that stuff.
Howard said he just wanted to remember Robert Miller who died last year. Howard read from a letter that his wife wrote about him. In the letter she said that her husband liked great TV comedies and Howard Stern. Gary said he spoke to the woman last week and he feels really bad for her and her daughters who lost Robert.
Howard took a call from David Cohen who owns Chelsea Jeans. David told Howard that his store was closed for a couple of months after September 11th. Since then they've been losing between $10,000 and $15,000 a month. He owns another store that makes money but this store is draining that money. He said he has created a memorial to the day in the front of the store and has left it the way it was last year. He said a lot of people come to look at the memorial but they're not buying jeans. Howard said his store is located at 196 Broadway in Manhattan and encouraged listeners to go down there and help the guy out.
Artie announced that he, Jim Florentine and Nick Dipaolo will be performing at a benefit for the children who have suffered from the losses of 9/11. They'll be at The Comic Strip in Manhattan next Wednesday, September 18th.
Howard mentioned a guy he knew who died while working at the WTC. He spent a short time talking about him and then Stuttering John came in and mentioned a couple of people he knew who died that day.
Howard took a call from Todd Wall who was supposed to be working on the 96th floor of the North Tower. He said that morning he was listening to Howard that morning and stayed home to hear something Howard had planned for that morning. He explained to Howard how he shut off the radio and ran to the subway because he was late for work. He said he missed his train and took the next one. When he got off the train the first plane hit. He said he would have been above the hit so he probably would have died that day. So Howard saved his life in a strange sort of way. Howard thanked him for calling in and moved on to the next call.
Gerard from Whitheall Hardware called in to talk about how hard it's been for his business to survive over the past year. He said his store was closed for a month and business has been off by about fifty percent. He said a lot of the maintenance workers from the WTC were customers there. Howard let Gerard get in a plug for his business. He said he's located at 19 Rector St. in Manhattan. You can call the store at (212) 269-2698. Howard said that it's very manly to buy hardware and tools so he's going to go down there with his girlfriend and make it look like he's a man. The guys suggested tools that Howard could ask for like a router, a mitre box or something manly like that.
Jon Bon Jovi had just gotten off stage in Japan when he called in to give his thoughts on 9/11. Jon said he was home that day and he and Richie Sambora were supposed to write some songs that day. They saw the first tower on TV get hit so they went to the shore and watched from a distance. He said it was a traumatic time for them. While Jon was still on the phone Robin mentioned that she got a new report that some of our military bases over in Afghanistan were attacked this morning as they were preparing to commemorate the day.
Steven Tyler of Aerosmith called in and gave his thoughts on this day also. He said the band was down in Virginia Beach that day and they saw it all unfold on TV. Steven said something has to be done about the terrorists. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Steven about that stuff as well as the story he told earlier about having sex while listening to some Aerosmith songs.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and spent a few minutes talking to Howard about last year and how this will effect people for years. He pointed out how there are people who will suffer health problems related to the dust in the air down there for years to come.
Howard replayed Dan the Song Parody Man's Metallica song before Michael J. Fox called in. Michael eventually called in and spent some time talking about what he was doing last year when he found out. Michael said he was out in L.A. at the time. He ended up driving home to his family in New York in 48 hours after seeing what happened. He also brought up the Concert for New York that he was part of last year and one of the great moments that happened. He said there was a fireman who he spoke to before the concert who wanted to say a few words to the crowd. Michael couldn't say no to him and let him say a few things. During that speech the Fireman said something to Osama bin Laden and how he could kiss his Irish ass. Howard and Michael both said that it was a great moment.
Finally, Mariann from Brooklyn called in to mention her sister-in-law who died in the attacks last year. Mariann was on the verge of tears as she told Howard about how much she misses Jodi and how Howard has helped her get through this past year by making her laugh. Artie stayed quiet during this call. He didn't goof on her today.
World Trade Center Coverage. 9/11/01. 8:45am
Howard replayed a short interview he played the other day that Stuttering John did with Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson. After playing the clip Howard and the crew were talking about how hot Pam is and about some of the sexual experiences they've had throughout their lives. Howard had just told a story about a ''friend'' of his who rubbed one out while his date slept and he ended up leaving a mess on her ass. Howard's buddy Ralph then called in laughing like he'd heard the story before. He said he was the one who told Howard the story, that's why he was laughing. Anyway, Ralph called in to tell Howard that he could have gotten Pam the last time they hung out together. Ralph thinks Howard was just dumb and he should have just gone for it and banged her.
During this discussion Howard broke in with the news that the World Trade Center had been hit by an airplane. Ralph went to his window and saw that there was a huge fire over there. He ended up getting off the phone to go watch. Howard then spent the rest of the show watching news reports from the scene and taking calls from eyewitnesses. At one point Howard said he was speechless as he watched the fire burning in the World Trade Center.
As the morning went on Howard had live audio feeds from the CBS network that he let through over the air. Crazy Cabbie called in and was just about crying as he vented his frustration with the whole terrorism thing. He thinks that the President needs to take action as soon as possible and put a stop to terrorists around the world.
Howard's General Manager Tom Chiusano told Howard that staying on the air was a good idea to let people have an outlet. Howard thought about getting off the air shortly after all of this news broke but Tom convinced him to stay on the air. The phones were all tied up throughout the city so it was tough to take phone calls as the morning progressed. Cabbie stayed on the line and gave his eyewitness account of what he was seeing from his building in Brooklyn. He saw the collapse of the trade center buildings and you could hear his voice quivering as he described the collapse. Very scary stuff. Howard pretty much gave up control of his show and turned it over to the audio feed from CBS TV.
(Update: 4:45pm) Howard stayed on the air until approximately 12:15pm covering the news of the terrorist attacks. His coverage was pretty serious but there were still some light moments. He was doing such a great job that Tom Chiusano convinced him to stay until after noon. Luckily Howard's radio station wasn't close to the terrorist attacks so everyone was safe. Some employees left early to try and go home to loved ones. KC left the building because he didn't feel safe up on the 14th floor where the studios are based. Gary also left when he heard that traffic was able to leave the city. His family is located in Connecticut and he wanted to get home to them. During the CBS news coverage Howard called his loved ones and touched base with them to find out if everyone was okay. As of noon it sounded like his immediate family was all okay.
It was very windy in the New York City yesterday so people were saying it was the spirits of the people who were killed. Howard seems to think that thought is ridiculous. Howard said he noticed that there were a lot of black people singing on TV yesterday. He said he notices that black people love to sing whether it's about something positive or something negative. He went on to talk about how there's something off with President Bush. Gary said he's almost like Alfred E. Newman in the looks department. Howard was complaining about Bush's lack of charisma when he makes a speech. He went on to say that he's happy with the invasion of Afghanistan and he hopes that we invade Iraq next.
Gary said he was flipping through the channels yesterday and everyone was covering 9/11 except good old channel 11 in New York City. Gary said that they had Pokemon cartoons playing instead. Howard said he loves that channel because they do stuff like that.
Howard said they got a lot of positive feedback about the show yesterday but there was one negative e-mail they got. He read the e-mail and the woman who wrote it didn't realize the replay of last year's show was a rerun. She thought it was new and thought that the World Trade Center was being attacked again. She ran and turned on the TV to see what was happening. Howard and the rest of the crew couldn't believe that she could be that dumb. Gary said they played bumpers ever 20 minutes saying that it was a rerun and she still didn't know. Howard said he doesn't know where her factory is but it must be a factory of morons. Howard said her first name is Karen but he didn't want to give her last name.
Howard took a phone call from a woman (Kelly) who wasn't quite with it when he picked up the phone. She seemed to be listening to the radio at the same time she was listening to the phone. Howard said she may have been up late drinking last night. She was slurring her speech and couldn't put a thought together. Howard asked her if she was a hooker. He wondered who would be drunk at ten after six in the morning. She said that she's a computer programmer which surprised Howard. He said she's got to be a ''dirty little whore'' who does tons of guys. She told Howard she met him one time but he said he'd never been to the bar she mentioned. After talking to her for a couple of minutes Howard said he wanted her to come down to the studio as soon as possible because they wanted to drink with her. Howard asked her how many guys she's been with in her life but she wouldn't answer. She asked Howard how many he's been with. Howard said he's been with about 35. She wouldn't answer. Howard continued to ask her questions about her age and stuff like that. She eventually said she was born in 1969 but Howard didn't believe it. He figures she's in her 40s. Gary wanted this woman to get down as soon as possible so Howard offered to send a car for her. She said the reason she called in was to complain about the music programming on the station. She said she wasn't going to come down today though. Howard hung up on her a few minutes later.
After taking a break Howard played some tapes he had laying around. He played one that he didn't get to play yesterday featuring Beetlejuice talking about his September 11th. They had to record it in little bits and pieces because Beetle doesn't repeat stuff they ask him to the right way. It was pretty funny though. Howard also had one from Jeff the Drunk who had some words to say about September 11th also.
Howard said they didn't get to talk about KC bailing out on them last year. He spent a minute talking about that before playing a High Pitched Erik September 11th clip. In the bit Erik talked about how he was very worried about KC last year when the attacks happened. The bit goes on and on and Erik talks about whacking off to KC's image and stuff like that.
Howard mentioned that WWE wrestlers Billy and Chuck were coming on the show today. The two of them are getting married on an upcoming WWE show. Howard said it's about time they had a couple of gay wrestlers because most of them seem gay to him.
Howard said he couldn't sleep last night so he got some shredded wheat and turned on the TV. He watched Conan O'Brien interviewing Carson Daly and was so bored by it that he was able to go back to bed.
Yesterday Howard let a bunch of people get free plugs for their businesses that were effected by September 11th. One of those, Chelsea Jeans, said he got his eviction notice yesterday. Howard encouraged people to go down there and help the guy out.
Howard talked about yesterday's broadcast again and some of the feedback they got. Howard said some people complained about him replaying last year's show but he pointed out that was only during the last hour of the show. The first 3 hours were live and commercial free.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him how accurate he was last year about the World Trade Center attacks being linked to Osama bin Laden. Howard then pulled out tape from a show that aired on 5/13/01 where Howard said that we were going to be attacked while Robin was doing a news report.
Howard asked them who came up with the idea for the gay thing. It was Vince McMahon of course. The guys said that they're not gay, they just play gay guys on TV. Howard spent a few minutes asking them about their careers and how this gay thing came about. Howard then asked them if they've practiced kissing yet. They said they haven't done that. Howard asked them if they're going to have to kiss after they get married tonight and one of the guys said that you never know what will happen so they may not have to kiss. They're having a ''commitment ceremony'' on the show which Howard sees as coming out of the closet. Howard said the whole story line is weird. Robin said she thinks that they're just going to be wrestling partners for life, not life partners.
Howard took a call from a former wrestler who said this whole thing is insane. He also said that Vince McMahon stole the idea of the Undertaker from him.
The guys said that the crowd has been behind them with all of this so far. They said that the crowd wants them to say that they're not gay but they won't give them that. They said the have girlfriends in their real lives though.
Howard took some phone calls for the guys and there are some people getting upset about this whole gay thing. Howard wondered who the girl was in the relationship. Neither of them take that role but Howard said he thinks Billy looks more feminine. Billy said that he thinks he'd be the pitcher and Chuck would be the catcher though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that this stuff is killing the WWE. The guy said the whole thing is horrible.
Howard said that the guys had to run after just 10 minutes or so of interview. They had to go to an interview with Matt Lauer so Howard suggested they pull down his pants and rape him when they go on. Howard wrapped it up a short time later.
After Howard played that he replayed KC's phony phone calls that he played on yesterday's show. He also played a new one where KC tried to call Tom Chiusano at home but his wife picked up and said he was out practicing his golf putting. That led to Howard goofing on Tom for a few minutes because he was recently beaten in a one hole game against Stuttering John who doesn't play golf and was drunk at the time.
Howard took a break and came back talking about Anna Nicole Smith and her weight. He was talking about how he thinks she doesn't think she's fat. That eventually led to the guys agreeing to take bets on what she actually weighs. Everyone picked a weight and threw in $100. Whoever was closest to her actual weight would win the money.
Howard thanked her for coming in and gave her a hug before she left. He told her that could be hers if she just puts him in her will. Howard told KC to keep her safe until she puts him in her will.
After Luana left Howard played a couple of song parodies that listeners sent in to him. They were all bad as usual. He also played the song that was plugged on the show yesterday but he wasn't goofing on that one.
Howard had a bunch of questions for Anna about her ex-husband but she didn't want to answer them. She said she didn't want to talk about him though. Howard kept asking questions and she kept saying that she's not going to talk about her husband. She didn't want to get upset.
Howard seems to think that Anna might be on some kind of drug or medication sometimes but she claims that it's just when she's tired that she sounds like that. She said when she sounds normal on the show it's when she's focused on that part of the show and she doesn't speak with her usual Southern Drawl.
Earlier in the show Howard and the rest of the guys all placed bets on how much Anna weighs. Howard needed Anna to get on the scale they have built into the floor in the studio. She wanted no part of that though. Howard said he'd give her $1000 of iWon.com money if she did it. Gary came in and said he'd add an extra $2000 and an Xbox for her son. Howard said the money would go toward her son's college education. Kim said he already had an Xbox though. Anna said she didn't want to be embarrassed and made fun of by Howard after being weighed. She was really pissed at him though and didn't want to do it. Howard talked about how Benjy weighed 220 pounds the last time she was in and she has to weigh at least 80 pounds more than him. Stuttering John came in and told her to just get on the scale. Benjy got pissed and yelled at John to just stop. He went crazy and threatened to fight John. They apparently had to hold Benjy back because he was serious. Howard kept telling Benjy to stop and sit down. Benjy is really in love with her because the last time she was on he got to make out with her in the bathroom. Benjy said that if Anna doesn't want to weigh in, she doesn't have to and he was sick of everyone pushing her.
Howard spent a little time talking to Anna about what happened between her and Benjy. She said she finds Benjy cute but she wasn't able to go out with him again because she was busy on the day that he was going to go visit her in L.A. Howard said he thinks that her lawyer, Howard K., C-blocked him and didn't want him getting her.
Howard learned that Anna's assistant was kind of hot for her too. She said she wouldn't mind having sex with her but Anna didn't seem to believe it. She just brushed it aside like she does with Howard K. Stern.
Howard got back to the weight issue and said that he guessed that she was 300 pounds while Robin guessed 287 pounds. Others were in that general range also. Anna later claimed that she weighs 230 pounds but most of the guys found that hard to believe.
Crazy Cabbie showed up late in the interview to tell Anna about Trim Spa diet pills. He has been using them for quite some time now and lost over 100 pounds. He came in to let her know that he lost the weight and if she wanted to do the same, she could try it. She took the name but she told Howard a little later she doesn't think she's fat. She said she doesn't have rolls of fat on her stomach... but Howard told her she does. They argued about that for a while.
Howard took some phone calls and let Benjy ask her out. She agreed to go out on a date this Saturday. Benjy drew up a contract on a piece of paper that she was willing to sign. She did put in that it might be on Sunday though. She really does seem to like the guy.
Howard wrapped up the interview after almost an hour long interview. Anna wasn't too happy with Howard ''dogging her'' before the interview but she said she'll still come back and do the show.
Howard spent some more time talking about Anna after she left. Gary told him that she was really upset about the whole thing. Howard said he really does like Anna but she thinks he dislikes her. He took a few more phone calls and had Artie do his impression of Anna. He does it so well that Howard is thinking of dressing him up like her and shooting some stuff for the E! show.
Howard got sidetracked for a few minutes and ended up yelling about Les Moonves from CBS about working with him on a TV show he wanted to do with CBS. He did that for a while and then goofed on Doug Goodstein because he was too distraught to work yesterday. He was still bothered by the images he remembers from ground zero. He went down there last year and helped out and some of the stuff he saw was bothering him for the past few weeks. He said now that the hump of 9/11 has passed he's okay and came in to work today. Howard and the guys goofed on him a little bit about that but he took it pretty well and said ''F-you'' to Howard when he left the studio.
After taking a break Howard spent some time talking about his day yesterday. He said he was in meetings all day long. He said he had meetings about TV shows at TNN which led to Robin and Artie doing southern accents goofing around with the shows that are on the network.
Howard took a call from a guy who watched the WWE Smackdown last night. He said that the two ''gay'' wrestlers just announced that they weren't gay and that it was just a publicity stunt. He told Howard about some of the other nutty stuff they did on the show too.
Howard ended up talking more about Anna Nicole Smith when Robin brought up the previews E! has been running for this Sunday's special Howard Stern show. She said they show a cubed out person walking down Howard's hallway and say that it's a ''special guest.'' Robin said it's just Robin Radzinski from E! and it looks like they're going to make Anna Nicole the ''special guest.'' Howard brought up all of the questions he had about Anna's dead husband that he wanted to ask her about. She refused to answer them. Howard read some of them this morning and Robin said she probably wouldn't have been able to answer any of them.
Howard changed subjects and brought up a story about singer Warren Zevon. Howard read that he's got inoperable lung cancer and only has a few weeks to live. The guy has apparently locked himself in a recording studio and is putting together some stuff to release after his death. Howard talked about seeing him in concert years ago. He also gave us a little medley of Warren's songs to remind everyone about some of the songs he performed like ''Werewolves of London,'' ''Excitable Boy,'' ''Lawyers, Guns and Money,'' ''Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me'' and a few others. KC is a big fan of his so he brought in a version of Prince's ''Rasberry Beret'' that he covered with R.E.M. Howard played that and Artie said ''I dig that!'' Howard put the word out to Warren that they would like to have him say his ''goodbye'' on the air.
Howard said he was watching a show about asses on VH-1 and he was in there with his 1992 Fartman appearance on the MTV awards. He said they covered songs that are about ass and couldn't believe how many songs there are about ass. Howard played an example of an ass song with ''Shake Ya Ass'' by Mystikal and Nelly's ''Hot In Herre.'' Howard also played one of his favorite Mystikal songs called ''Bouncin' Back Bumpin' Me Against the Wall.'' Howard said he was never into big asses but this show he watched seems to have changed his view. He said that everyone is always talking about Jennifer Lopez's ass being nice but he's seen it in person and it's not that great. Howard and the guys talked about some women who have nice asses.
Howard thanked Jillian Barberie from the morning show ''Good Day'' because she's always talking about listening to his show. He said that if he wasn't dating Beth right now, he'd go out with Jillian. He also said that she's always wearing belly shirts and she really shouldn't. He said she's got a great belly but there's ''something off'' there. Artie figured it out and said that she's kind of ''miget-y.'' She's short and looks odd for some reason.
Howard said he's seen the first episode of ''The Soprano's'' new season and it's great. He said it's going to be a great season. Artie said he can't wait to see it and he has big plans for that day.
Howard tried to find out who else Summer has dated but she said she doesn't kiss and tell.
Howard asked Summer if she's seeing anyone at this time. She said she's dating but not anyone serious at this point. Howard found out she dated Charlie Sheen but she said she never slept with him.
Howard asked Summer what her plans were for today and she ended up telling him about how she has to go to the doctor because some big fat woman stepped on her. She said the rest of the day she'll just be hanging out. She and Howard talked about her hanging out with Tiffany and about masturbating and vibrators. Howard told her to come in next week with 5 different hot outfits so they could check her out. She had no problem with that. She pretty much agreed to do anything like that for Howard. She'll be in next week sometime.
Howard changed subjects and played a new ''The Onion Radio News'' bit. It was a phony bit about how washed up Ralph Macchio is. That led to Howard talking about other washed up celebrities like Danny Bonaduce. Howard heard a commercial during his last break where Bonaduce was announcing for a ''That 70's Show'' promotion. Howard ended up replaying the commercial and goofed on it for a few minutes. The commercial features Bonaduce talking to KISS and the characters from ''That 70's Show'' but they're not really there talking to him. After talking about it for a few minutes Howard says ''What a dick'' and then ''I've gotta get outta here.''
Howard moved on and took some phone calls and talked about a bunch of other stuff. One phone caller read a review of Tom Green's new movie ''Stealing Harvard'' which is apparently pretty bad. Howard said he was kind of glad because he doesn't want Tom to be a big star. He said that the commercial looked really funny though.
A listener recently called in and played some clips from Robin's audio book version of ''Quivers A Life.'' The guy brought the tapes in for Howard to play on the air so that's what he did today. He had some great clips of her reading parts of her book. In the first clip Robin talks about getting naked for some guy who wrapped his lips around one of her nipples. Howard and Artie went nuts when they heard that. It turns out she was supposed to be at a job interview but it turned out to be a pimp and a guy who inspected the merchandise. Howard and the guys wanted to know why she would get naked so easy. She said she was nuts at the time. In another clip Robin talks about her virginity and how she was trying to get this guy to take it from her. She talks about the excruciating pain of her first time. Robin talked about her head being banged against the headboard of this guy's bed so Fred threw in some sound effects. Howard said the book would have been even better if she'd included clips like that for the book.
Howard changed subjects for a minute and talked about how Roger Ebert went nuts up at a Canadian movie festival when they wouldn't let him into a screening. Howard read that up there they let people in first-come-first-served and he always shows up late. Howard said they have to get him in there to talk about that.
Howard played another clip of Robin talking about getting molested by her father and his big ''ham hands.'' She talks about biting him to try and get away from him but he tried to pull her off. She says that she wouldn't let go though. Howard didn't think this clip was funny but Stuttering John seemed to find it amusing. John said it was interesting to hear her read it. She goes on to describe her father kissing her and sticking his tongue down her throat. Fred continued to throw in sound effects for the tapes which were pretty funny. Robin talked about her father putting his finger in her vagina and Fred played a popping sound effect for that part.
Howard quickly went through the Top 5 Songs and then took a break before bringing in Ben Taylor.
Howard told Ben that he looks a lot like his father. Howard said he wished that his parents were James Taylor and Carly Simon. He and Artie said that he was pretty mellow when he came in and it must be because of his ''peaceful genes.'' Howard spent a little while talking to Ben about what it was like growing up as the kid of famous parents. They were able to give him good schooling and stuff like that. He said that he makes his own living and his parents don't give him any allowance. He said that they would probably give him money if he asked for it but he doesn't do that at this time. He said he's not rich by any means but he can support himself. Howard said he doesn't think he'd turn down his kids if they wanted him to support them. He said he doesn't want to give them a lot of money though because they may stop visiting him.
Howard figured it must have been hard growing up with a hot mom like Carly Simon. He figured his friends must have loved her. Robin said that he must have been privy to his mother's sex life too because she was so famous.
Howard said that James Taylor couldn't lecture his son about not doing drugs because he had a drug history of his own. Ben said he didn't see his father all the time when he was growing up. He said it was usually 2 weeks with mom and 1 week with dad.
Howard asked Ben to tell a story he'd heard about. Ben and a bunch of friends were home alone and smoking pot when he saw a bunch of cars pull up the driveway. It turned out to be reporter Diane Sawyer who had come to look at the house. Nancy Regan was with her at the time and all of his friends were high so it was pretty amusing to him.
Ben told another story about meeting the Clinton's. He said that they all sat around trying to talk politics but Bill Clinton just wanted to talk about rock and roll and stuff like that.
Ben said he knew Mia Farrow and a lot of her adopted kids. He said he knew Sun Yee so Howard spent a short time talking about Woody Allen with him.
Howard said he was surprised that Ben got into music because competing with his parents must be tough. He said that he was intimidated by his parents talent when he got into it.
Howard said Ben was being too nice and wished that he was more of a dick so he could smack him around a bit. He said he thought about being more of a dick but didn't go that direction when he came in.
Howard asked Ben if he ever found out who ''You're So Vain'' was about. Ben said he couldn't say who it was about.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Ben before getting to the Gossip Game. One guy said he heard that Carly would get naked in front of Ben. Ben said that she got naked in front of him this summer by the pool. Howard asked him if she's got nice nipples. He didn't know how to answer that though. Howard asked him if he knows if she's totally shaved or not. He said she's not completely shaved but Howard doesn't need to know the details.
Howard asked Ben if his parents have ever smoked weed with him before. Ben said that he never did that with his father and his mother told him that if he was going to experiment with that stuff, she wanted to be around to make sure he was okay.
Howard brought up Ben's new album which is available at BenTaylorBand.com or at Tower Records in New York.
A caller told Howard that Ben's sister is really hot so Howard spent a little while talking to Ben about her. Another caller asked Ben if he's had any famous poon tang. He said he hasn't. Howard asked him about Sarah Michelle Gellar who he went to school with. He never did her though.
Howard got Mike Walker on the line and talked to him for a minute before getting to the game. For those who don't know, here's how the Gossip Game goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard saw that there was a guitar in the studio and he thought he was going to perform something live. Ben never agreed to do that but said he would play something if Howard wanted him to. Howard yelled at Gary for a second and told Ben he didn't have to perform if he wasn't prepared. Howard ended up just playing a song from Ben's CD instead. He wished him luck, gave him a plug for his web site and wished him luck.
A short time later Howard took a call from Paul Beers from WIOD in Miami who gave him an update on the possible terrorists who were stopped down that way. After talking to the guy for a few minutes Howard got off the phone and said they learned nothing new. They'd already heard pretty much everything the guy told them about it.
After that call Howard took a call from a woman who was pissed at Howard for yelling at the woman who called in to complain about him making fun of Robin. Howard tried to explain to this woman that he had to yell at her because what she was calling in about was ridiculous. This woman said that Howard's words could really hurt that other woman who was abused by her husband and he shouldn't have yelled at her about that. Howard tried to tell this woman why he did what he did but the woman wouldn't listen to him and talked over him. Howard called her some names which led to her calling him a ''low life asshole'' as she hung up on him.