Howard started off the show this morning talking about their week long vacation. He had a caller on the line who was saying that they were taking too much vacation. Howard said they save their vacation for summer every year and that's what they did back at K-Rock as well. The caller said they have to have some new shows now. Howard told the guy this week is all new but then around Labor Day they're going to start replaying some of the 23,000 hours of classic tapes.
The caller was saying he has to work every day and only gets 2 weeks of vacation a year. The guy said he works as an air conditioning repair man and works in 100 degree heat on roofs while Howard is taking days off. Howard was joking around about how hard his radio work is.
Robin said that she went to Gary's father's wake but not the funeral. Howard said he was going to go to the wake but Beth ended up breaking her foot so they ended up going to the hospital. She slipped and fell in her heels and got a hairline crack in her foot. He said he's never seen her crying from pain but this time she was.
Howard said he didn't make it to the wake so he had to call Gary and let him know what had happened so he wouldn't think they were just trying to get out of going. Beth is using crutches and has her foot in a special boot.
Howard asked Gary if he thinks that ''Beer League'' is going to make a lot of money like Artie thinks. Gary said he thinks that Artie made a good deal with the movie and it really doesn't have to make a lot of money for Artie to make a lot of money. Howard said he doesn't see a lot of advertising for Artie's movie and no one else is going out and pushing it like Artie is. Gary has heard that they will be pushing the movie on SIRIUS.
Robin heard that Artie was going to have a party for the movie but the movie isn't due out until September. Gary said he heard from Artie that he doesn't want them to see the movie until the premiere even though there are viewings before then.
Gary said he thought that Artie was going to do ''Entourage'' as 'Artie Lange' but he went on and did it as a character. He doesn't get how that's going to lead to good promotion for his movie. The guys talked about how he's really not getting that much attention for that appearance.
Gary thinks that Artie will come back late this morning with some stories from the William Shatner roast and that's going to be his excuse for doing that roast. Howard said he'd like it better if Artie just showed up on time to do the show.
Gary was afraid that all of these things were going to come up with Artie later this morning and he'll be all upset. Howard said he's not saying anything that should upset Artie. They'll find out later this morning.
Howard asked Gary how he's feeling since his father died. He said he's feeling kind of weird. He ended up going to a Counting Crows concert the same day his father died so Robin wondered what was up with that. Gary said it really wasn't much of a surprise because they knew it was coming. Gary said he took care of a bunch of details about the funeral that day. Howard said Gary actually knew about the death while he was doing The Friday Show the week before vacation. Gary went through with the show anyway and didn't make it known what was going on. Gary said he made his phone calls and took care of things after the show that day.
Gary said he went to the Counting Crows show which also had the Goo Goo Dolls. He said Adam Duritz sounded really good.
Howard said they had Big Foot make a prank phone call too. He played that audio and Mark called a woman and told her that her cats were coming in his yard and shitting. He asked her how big her pussy was and she held up pretty good with him. She was yelling at him and telling him to go fuck himself and things like that. She also blew a whistle into the phone to try and scare him off but it wasn't working that well.
Howard heard that Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows was talking a lot at the concert. Gary said he was explaining some of his songs a bit too much and he just wanted the guy to sing.
Howard asked Gary about a story he wanted him to tell. Gary said that his parents ended up getting divorced back in the 1990s after 47 years of marriage. They separated for a year but ended up getting back together and lived together for the last 9 years even though they weren't married. Gary said his mother still considered him as her husband. During the funeral service the priest was talking about how he must have loved his wife so everyone was kind of chuckling about that.
Gary said that his brother Steven died a few years back so his mother leaned in when his father was really sick and told him that he should just let go because Steven wanted him to be with him. Gary said his father then leaned up to her and told her to ''shut up.'' He said that pretty much summarized their whole relationship.
Gary said he had another odd story about the funeral. He said he was helping to wheel his father up to the pew in the church. As he was walking up the aisle he saw someone who looked kind of familiar to him. He said that it turned out to be that guy Sour Shoes who plays the songs over the phone. He was there at the funeral and was very respectful. Gary said he was sitting there laughing just thinking that Sour Shoes was there at the funeral.
Gary said that since his father had a medal from the military they had a guy come in and play Taps and give his mother a folded flag.
Gary got back to the Sour Shoes thing and said he wasn't upset that he was there because it was actually kind of sweet that he showed up. He said he was up at the front of the church getting communion and they had to have a hymn play while they did the communion. He said that Sour Shoes knew the words and was singing them as he went up to get his communion.
Jessica Hahn called in and reminded everyone about the time she recorded a Mr. Ed bit for the show when her mother was dying. Sam Kinison later used that against her and even brought it up in his act. He confronted her on the air one time about that and made her cry. Howard said they should be able to find that bit and play it uncensored now. Gary said there are about 7 versions of that bit because Tom would make them cut the bit every time they played it.
Howard said he's been playing on the ICC (International Chess Club) web site and they have channels you can watch as people are playing live. He said the tournaments that are being played look like they're being played in a cafeteria somewhere.
Howard explained how he played one game over vacation and got ripped a new asshole by the guy. He chatted with the guy after the game and asked him how long he's been playing. It turns out the guy was a 9 year old kid. Howard has been taking some lessons and the guy teaching him said the guy probably wasn't lying about being just 9 years old. Howard said he was shocked when the kid told him he was only 9. He was ready to drop the game after that.
Howard beat one guy who was rated higher than him so he felt pretty good about that. He was hoping to be better than he is by now. Robin said she did the same thing with tennis and thought that she could be great right from the start but things don't go like that.
Howard said he's so obsessed with chess that he wants to quit his job and play that game until he gets good at it. Beth thinks he's spending too much time on it already but he said he can't just have a hobby in his life and not get obsessed with it.
Robin said the gift from Howard was a turquoise necklace that she loved. She said they'll have to take a picture of it and put it up on the web site. Jessica Hahn said she was on SFN while she was on the phone and a lot of people would like to hear that Mr. Ed bit. Howard said they'll try to get that bit for tomorrow's show so they can play it for everyone as a preview of the classic tapes they have coming soon.
Howard talked about the old days when they would hang out with Jessica and she would get dressed up for them. He told a story about going out to Los Angeles and having Jessica doing a lingerie show for them. She would change in front of them so they'd see her naked the whole time. Howard wondered why he didn't bang her back then.
Howard remembered one time when the guys saw lint on Jessica's private parts and he remembers her brushing that off after they pointed it out to her. Gary remembered announcing all of the outfits she was modeling for them. Howard wrapped up with Jessica a short time later and let her go.
Howard asked Gary if his mother is still with him after the funeral. Gary said she's still up there but she will have to go back to Florida at some point. He said she won't be moving in with him, they've already talked about that. Gary said he's still got to work on getting his father's money together and set up so he can pay the bills for his mother. He said she asked him to pay all of her bills a few months ago because his father would always take care of that stuff.
Gary said they did keep track of the checks they wrote but didn't write down deposits or keep track of the money that was in the bank. Howard said he hopes that he doesn't have to take care of that stuff for his parents because he doesn't need the headache. He said he hopes his mother dies before his father so he won't have to do everything for her. Right now his father takes care of all of that stuff.
Gary said that his mother has talked about how she doesn't like Florida and she would like to get out of there and move back up north. He said they used to live in Uniondale, New York and it's not a good area now and it wasn't that great when he was growing up. Gary said there's was an empty lot across the street from his parents house which has turned into a giant Jehovah's Witness church.
Gary and Howard talked about this mini-cinema theater that used to be there and how they would play some really weird movies there. Gary said they had a movie called ''Gums'' that was about a mermaid that blew guys to death. Howard said he'd like to see that movie and he'd also like to start his own mini-cinema, he figures the fans would like something like that.
Howard played a new Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child. He played that as a tribute to Gary's father.
The caller told Howard about this Heroes show and what that's all about. Robin sounded like she might get into that after hearing the description.
Bobo called in and said he saw Beth and Howard in Hampton's magazine last week. Howard said Beth looked great on the cover of the magazine. Bobo read a little bit from the magazine and thought they were insulting him. Howard said he actually liked the description. He said he was trying to lose some weight last week so he just stopped eating so much. He also stopped drinking so much as well.
Robin was kind of thrown off by Howard stopping his fishing already. She was going to get him a gift for his fishing but he's already out of it. Howard said he ran into this guy Chris from Boston the other day and the guy was giving him a hard time about the bicycle he was riding. He said he thought he had a state of the art bicycle that was made just for him a few years back.
Howard noticed that they had the Mr. Ed and Jessica Hahn bit up on the computer already. He wondered how they made that happen so fast. Gary wasn't sure how they did that. Howard and Gary spent a little more time talking about the bicycle thing. Gary said he's got a 25 mile race coming up soon. Howard wondered how he has time for that. Gary said he really doesn't have time and he gets worse and worse every year he does the race.
Howard said that he's cut down on eating so much that he's only crapping about once every two days. Gary said he was going to go back to his office but he had to thank the fans and everyone else who was nice to him. He said that Howard actually picked up the tab for one of the lunches they had on the day of the funeral. He thought that was very gracious of Howard.
Howard was giving Fred a hard time because he thought he wasn't going to go to Gary's father's funeral but he ended up riding his motorcycle out there. Fred said there were a lot of things going on that day and he wasn't sure if he was going to make it there.
Gary said that Artie showed up at the funeral but he told him it took him like 3 hours to get there. Gary said Artie has a brand new Mercedes Benz with a navigation system in it but Artie told him he doesn't know how to work that shit.
Howard and Fred continued to argue a little bit about Fred showing up at the funeral even though he wasn't going to. Howard asked him if he's ever crashed that motorcycle of his. Fred said he hasn't crashed it and he rides like he thinks everyone out there is nuts. Gary said he's seen guys doing wheelies at about 90 miles per hour down the highway. Fred said that those are the guys that lose their legs. He said he saw a guy doing a wheelie down 6th Ave. one time and he almost ran into some scaffolding.
Howard said he imagines that any guy on a motorcycle could kick his ass. That led to the guys talking about some of the guys who ride and how surprising it is when you see them take their helmets off. Howard asked Robin if she went to racing school during vacation. Robin said she didn't go and she also learned that there are a lot of types of racing. She also thinks that Bubba should have some kind of handicap if they race against each other. She was talking about the many types of racing there are and how she's not sure what she would want to learn.
Robin said she was hoping to get away with a week of no boating mishaps during vacation. She said this time she ran out of gas. She said she had to wave someone over to her boat to get towed back to the dock. She wasn't on her big boat though, she was on her small one. She said she was out kayaking and doing stuff like that over vacation so she's really into the boat stuff.
Gary said that he was watching some Howard TV over vacation and Howard should really watch the special where Robin learns about her boat. He told Howard to play the Jessica Hahn stuff as they were going to break. Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin where Gary gets his looks, from his mother or father. The guys were being nice and wouldn't really say exactly what they were thinking so Gary said that he got his looks and his teeth from his mother. Howard went to break short time later but saved the Jessica Hahn bit for later.
Gary said that Scott's father had a cancer kazoo and they would always make fun of that kind of thing so he felt weird that Scott's dad had one. Howard said he remembers when Scott's father died and it was quite a while ago. Gary said it had to have been 15 years ago. Howard goofed on Scott a little bit and then took a call from Blue Iris.
Blue Iris was on the phone saying that they're shooting some video for Howard TV and one of the finalists in the Howard Stern Film Festival is doing a documentary on her. Howard said the last time they spoke to Blue she was in the hospital for not being able to pee and having swollen feet. He asked her what went on when she went in. She said she had a 104 degree fever and they loaded her up with antibiotics and some medical marijuana.
Blue said everything is cool now and she's fine. She's even back to having sex. She said she missed Howard while he was on vacation. Howard told her not to fret and then played the voice mail she left weeks ago where she talked about her feet being swollen and having the bladder problems.
Howard read that Blue had sex with Ron Jeremy so he asked her if he actually had sex with her. She said it's a secret because the movie isn't done yet. Howard let her go after that.
Howard played a voice mail that Riley just left for Will recently. He was talking about how the ship (sirius) seems to be sinking with Howard taking vacation so much. He said that he will only speak to Mel Karmazin from now on to make a deal. He claims that he will triple the stock prices if they sign him to do the show for a decent amount of money. He's refusing to talk to Howard or Tim Sabean.
Sal came in and told Howard that Rev. Bob Levy is not going to be doing the Miserable Men Show tonight because the Debbie Schlussel show is bumping them. Bob is pissed because they were supposed to do the show from 7 to 11 but now they're back to doing just the one hour show. Howard said he's sorry to hear that but Miserable Men is just an hour long show.
Howard said he loves Bob but he's not going to force him to do a show. If he doesn't want to do the show anymore, that's up to him. Howard said that since Bob announced he's not doing the show, the building they're in is falling apart brick by brick. Sal said if Bob can't sell out the next taco stand he appears at, he'll probably be back to do the show.
Lisa mentioned some of the other stories they have coming up on Howard 100 News this week. She said that they'll be talking to Sam Simon about his radio sitcom that's going to be recorded this month. They should have the show, ''My Bitter Half,'' ready to air in a few weeks according to Howard.
Lisa said they'll also have a report about the roast that Artie was part of last night. Artie still hadn't shown up for work yet so Howard was complaining about that a little bit. Lisa mentioned that the Miserable Men show was supposed to be on tonight but Howard wasn't sure if that was going to happen or not. There was some controversy about that. Howard let Lisa go after that.
After the bit was played Howard talked about how Sam Kinison went off on Jessica for recording that bit around the time that her mother had died. The two of them got into a battle about that whole thing so Howard had that audio clip to play as well. In that clip we hear Sam going off on Jessica and eventually making her cry over the whole thing.
Howard got a laugh out of that whole thing. He said hearing the Jessica Hahn thing unedited was great because there's nothing all that crazy going on. They had to cut it down thanks to Tom over at K-Rock. He eventually made it so Mr. Ed didn't put any hooves inside of Jessica. He said that they had to eliminate each hoof one at a time until there were none inside of her.
Bubba said he met Sam Kinison just one time back in Chicago so he didn't know him too well. Bubba said he's never fallen asleep inside of anyone like Sam did. Howard has never done that either.
Bubba asked what's going on with this racing that he and Robin were supposed to do. Robin said she didn't realize how many types of racing there was. Bubba said he would race Robin in anything but a foot race. Howard told Robin that she should do something that she can do in her new Corvette. Bubba said he can race her in anything and even if he has less horsepower, he'll still beat her because she won't have a clue about what she's doing.
Bubba said that Robin really has no clue about what she's doing. Robin said she thinks she should be spotted a few laps or something but Bubba said that they've now gone from Robin beating his ass to her asking for a handicap. Robin said she's going to figure out what kind of racing to do. Bubba said that he will do any type of car racing she wants to do. He will no do a foot race or bicycle race. Robin said she just wanted to do the car thing so that's what they're talking about.
Bubba wanted to win the chance to eat Robin out if he beats her in the race. Howard asked Bubba what he's doing today on the show. Bubba said he's got a couple of drag racers, John Force and Gary Scelzi, on the show. Last Friday they ''called the puss'' when they put a cell phone in a woman's vagina and made a call to it. He told Howard they put a condom over the phone and put it in there and actually tried to call it and talk into the vagina. Bubba said it wasn't getting a signal in there so they had to take it out and put the antenna facing the other way. They had Spice Boy talking into her vagina and they could hear him speaking to it but just barely.
Bubba said that on Thursday they had a woman on the show who had a fetish of being hog tied with police tape and having a gun put to her head. They did all of that stuff for her on that day. Howard asked him which was better for Bubba. Bubba said he liked the calling the puss thing. Bubba also told the guys about 25 Cent having really stinky balls and how he pulled his pants down last week and this ''pugent'' smell came out of there. They had people smelling his balls after that.
Gary said that Will was listening to the show and thinks that Bubba is having erectile problems. He's been unable to finish while he's masturbating from what Gary heard. Bubba said he had a week where he was unable to have a regular nut when he jerked off. Howard told him it's probably from the prescription drugs he uses. Howard let Bubba go a short time later.
Artie said that Comedy Central's Joel Gallen hooked him up with some great stuff out there in L.A. Howard said Joel is the guy who he lied to about his Fartman costume when he did the MTV Awards back in 1992. Artie said they promised to get him out of the roast and on a red eye flight back to New York. He said he left CBS last night and had an unmarked police car drive him to the airport. The guy was doing about 135 miles per hour on the way to the airport. They got him through security at the airport and things weren't too bad because of that.
Howard asked Artie how this was good for the show. Artie said that he plugged the show during the roast and that will hopefully make it to the roast when it airs on Sunday night. Artie said he did make fun of Shatner's toupee in the roast but there was a memo sent out about how he didn't want that brought up.
Artie said that Farah Fawcett showed up in place of Sharon Stone and she looked like she was on 50 vikodin. He said that she was supposed to do something with Jason Alexander that was scripted but she didn't do it right so Jason was thrown off a bit. He said that the guys at the roast were really railing on Farah so he wondered why her agent would let her show up to something like that.
Artie said Farah doesn't look like she used to but she would still blow him off if he hit on her. Artie said that he told a joke about Carrie Fisher when she was in the bathroom and it was a fat joke so she shot back at him about how he shouldn't be doing fat jokes while he looks like he does.
Artie told the joke about Carrie Fisher and Howard thought it was very funny. The joke was about what you say to someone who becomes an icon in science fiction but eventually gains 100 pounds and becomes a mess... Then he mentions Carrie Fisher's name instead of William Shatner.
George Takei was at the roast so Artie said he told some jokes about him. He also goofed on Andy Dick by telling him that he can't bring liquids on airline flights so he might want to puke up the jizz in his stomach. Artie said that Betty White killed at the roast and even had jokes about him. He said someone must have written some jokes about him and they were mostly about how he won't live that long.
Artie said that he got a joke from the SternFanNetwork that was pretty rude. He said that joke was about how William Shatner's career is shittier than George Takei's dick in the morning. Gary came in and said that Sam Simon is there and he was saying that there were a lot of people bombing at the roast. People like Andy Dick, Nichele Nichols and others just bombed. Artie said that there were a few people who were really bad. He had to follow Nichele Nichols who was dressed like she was going to a royal wedding or something. He said she just mumbled through her jokes and they didn't go over very well.
Artie didn't stick around for the whole show so he's not sure what happened between George and William Shatner. He did see George talking to William after his thing. Artie said there were some really good guys like Greg Giraldo.
Artie said he saw David Carradine sitting in the front row of the roast and the guy looked at him like he wanted to rip his throat out. He said his eyes would go right to him when he was up on stage. He would also see Joe Francis sitting there in the crowd. Artie said Joe was sitting there with some smoking hot chick.
Artie said he missed Lisa Lampanelli at the roast but he did goof on her before he left. He told a joke about her being just about 7 movies from being Janine Garafalo. Sam Simon came in and told the guys that Artie got in a few plugs for Howard's show. Sam also said he gave Artie a joke that he didn't use. It was about how much William Shatner likes his Emmy and how he jumped into the pool to save it when he accidentally dropped it in the pool. Artie said that one wouldn't have made it to the roast because they didn't want any jokes about Shatner's late wife.
Artie said that Ralph was out in L.A. Staying at Sam's house so Artie asked him when he was going to leave. Ralph said he was never coming home. Artie said that Ralph has balls because he was heckling people when they were bombing at the roast. Sam said it was making him very uncomfortable when Ralph was joking about the people who were bombing. Sam said Ralph is good around his house but when they go out to something like that it's very uncomfortable.
Howard wondered how Ralph does his job while he's staying out in Los Angeles. Sam said Ralph has a part in the ''My Bitter Half'' sitcom but he wants to call it in from Los Angeles instead of coming home to do it. Howard said this sitcom is going to be awesome and they will probably be replaying it quite a bit once it's ready. He said that the script is very funny and Sam has done a great job with it. He thanked Sam for writing it but Robin hadn't seen it yet and didn't know much about it. Sam said that Mr. X is going to be played by Gilbert Gottfried.
The part of Dana was up in the air so Robin said that maybe they could get Jennifer Tilly to play it. That's Sam's ex-wife. Howard said they'll be taping the making of the sitcom for Howard TV. Sam said the sitcom is just 30 minutes but with the Howard TV coverage it'll be many hours worth of material.
Howard thanked Sam for coming in and thanked Artie for dropping in late this morning. He went to break after that.
Howard also played Big Foot's prank call that he played earlier. Howard and Artie got a few laughs from that replay. Howard said that guy is a disaster. Artie said it was like they struck gold when that guy walked in last week.
Craig Gass was sitting in so Howard gave him some plugs for some gigs he had coming up and for his web site IHateComedians.com. He quickly moved on to Tommy Chong who was there to promote his book ''The I Chong : Meditations from the Joint.'' (Doing signings at a Barnes and Nobel in New York City tonight and at Bookends in Ridgewood NJ tomorrow.)
Howard said he read the book and got really pissed about how Tommy was sent to prison for 9 months just because he was selling bongs. It was as if the government was trying to set an example and used Tommy to make a point. Tommy said that George W. is probably back to doing coke now that he's in office. He said his father was probably a coke head as well. He said he once saw George Sr. brush his nose off when he was asked about drugs when he was debating Clinton one time. Howard said they might have to lock Tommy up again if he believes that.
Howard read that Tommy once heard that Ronald Reagan smoked weed. Tommy said that one of Reagan's speech writers was in prison with him and he told him that Ronnie did smoke up. Howard got back to Tommy's book and said that one of the things that stuck out was about how Tommy had taken Salsa lessons to learn how to dance for his wife. She went off to learn before he did and when Tommy saw her dancing with another man, it upset him so much that he had to learn to dance for her. Craig, doing his Sam Kinison voice, yelled out ''That fucking whore!'' during that discussion.
Tommy talked about his first night in prison and how rough that was. He told Howard about his wife's salsa dancing and how the people look each other in the eyes while they're dancing. He said you have to connect to the person you dance with so you know what's going to happen next. He said that watching his wife dancing made him very jealous and he didn't know he was that kind of guy.
Howard talked to Tommy about his jail time. Tommy said he thought the whole thing was going to be kind of a joke but they threatened to go after his son and wife if he didn't give in and take all of the responsibility on himself. Tommy said there was only like one guy with a cardboard sign standing outside of the court that day. Howard said there should have been a riot before the sentencing and he should have lead that riot because it is ridiculous that Tommy went to jail for so long for something like that.
Howard got back to the salsa dancing thing and said that Tommy thinks that the dance could solve many problems in the world if everyone just danced.
Howard asked Tommy if he's out of the bong business. Tommy said he still makes little pipes but not the bongs. Howard asked him if he's nuts. Tommy said that the pipes are just for tobacco. He said he doesn't smoke anymore himself. The last time he smoked up was with Tom Green. He said he did a podcast with Tom and after the show he took him back to a back room in his apartment and smoked up with him. Tommy said he quit smoking because he's got some bronchiolar problems.
Howard asked Tommy what it's like when the Feds invade his home and look for bongs. Tommy said it was like a joke when it first happened. He said he saw them outside that day and he thought they looked like they were a bunch of guys dressed up for halloween. He said they were milling around and yelling it was a raid but he just opened up the door and let them in. They had to clear each room so that was kind of funny. He said they had FOX news there and helicopters flying around and it was all set up from what he was saying.
Tommy said that they did all of this over a bong. He said it was one big publicity stunt. He was told he wouldn't need a lawyer or anything because he wasn't under arrest at the time. Meanwhile they were taking his computers and looking for weapons in his house. He said that if he had any weapons he could have gone to jail for 5 years even if it was a pellet gun or a BB gun. Any weapon involved with a drug bust would lead to him doing 5 years in prison.
Howard gave Tommy some plugs for his book and some of the book signings he's doing over the next couple of days. Tommy was saying that he found out who his real friends were after getting arrested. Craig said he opened up for Tommy one time and learned that one of the first times Tommy did a show he only had 5 minutes of material so that's what he did. When Tommy got off stage the club owner asked him what he was doing so he explained he only had 5 minutes of material. The guy told him to get back up on stage so Tommy did the same five minutes and got a second standing ovation.
Tommy talked about how he got high with George Harrison years ago and had him on one side and Wally from Leave it to Beaver on the other side of him. He said he's smoked with just about all of the Beatles. He told Howard about hanging out with Jimi Hendrix as well.
Howard asked Tommy if he's getting along with Cheech Marin now. Tommy said that they're still not talking all that much. He said that Cheech has a treatment for a play he wants to do and he thinks he got the idea after he wrote a script for ''Up in Smoke: The Play'' which was inspired by the movie ''Spamalot.'' Tommy said Cheech never really added a lot to the script writing process.
Craig said that Tommy once told him that the reason Cheech and Chong broke up was because of the way they were portraying Mexicans. Tommy said that was true. He once went to Cheech's house and he was having a meeting with a bunch of Mexicans about that stuff and that's when he knew things were over.
Tommy said they still make money off of the movies they made 30 years ago. He said the residual checks pay his taxes these days. Howard took some phone calls and Bong Hit Bill took a hit off his bong for Tommy.
Howard brought up a story about Tommy helping to bust a guy who used to shit in the shower in prison. They actually had a meeting about the problem and how it wasn't cool to have someone doing that in the shower. Tommy said they found the guy who they had suspected of doing it. They caught him after grabbing his shoes and finding crap on them. It turns out the guy was pissed that he had to use the same toilet that the black guys were using.
Howard said that Jay Leno said a few words about Tommy back when he was going to prison but Tommy said he won't have him on the show now to promote his book. He only wanted him when he was hot. Howard gave him another plug for the book and said it's an easy read because it's nice and thin. Craig Gass mentioned that Tommy once passed him a joint as he was leaving a gig one time so he ended up keeping it and putting it into a photo album. He said that was like getting a basketball from Michael Jordan. Howard asked Craig who he was because he was out of character. Craig went back into his Kinison voice immediately. Howard wrapped up with Tommy a short time later.
Howard played Miss Howard Stern's final day speech. In that clip you could hear Zolar yelling at her to take her fucking top off. She was giving her speech and Sal was somehow on mic asking where Jason was. Howard wondered if that was their find engineering department at work. Scott came in and said that was just Sal screwing up and trying to find someone over an open mic. Sal said that he was told he could try to find someone through his headset, he didn't know he was going over the air.
Howard asked Scott why he didn't make it to Gary's father's funeral. Scott said it really didn't have to do with them not showing up to his father's funeral. Sal was standing there with a fishing pole with a black cloud hanging from it. Scott grabbed it and ripped it up.
Will came in and said that Scott did mention the other day that no one came to his father's funeral. Scott claims that's not why he didn't go to Gary's father's funeral but he did mention it last week. Howard said he had an excuse for not going to the funeral. Beth fractured her foot so that's why he didn't go. He said they really should start thinking more about Scott when it comes to that stuff.
Howard said that this last day rally is on Howard TV if anyone missed it. He got back to Miss Howard Stern's speech and said that Sal going over the mic is just one of the reasons he didn't want to play the speeches live that morning. He said the engineering department screwed up a bunch of things and he didn't want to deal with it. He said stuff like Sal going over the mic is typical of the crap that went on over there at K-Rock. Craig was doing an impression of Andrea and Sal interrupting with his mic check.
The guys wondered why Sal needed to talk to Jason so bad that morning. Sal came in and said that he was just looking for an umbrella. Howard played another clip of Dee the Crier giving her speech on the final day. Craig threw in some more mic checks as a goof. JD came in and aid that Dee wasn't the chick that Howard thought she was. Howard thought she was the one who came on the show and cried one time. She had called in the day before and cried for them so Howard let her make a speech. As he continued the tape we could hear Sal interrupting once again. Howard couldn't believe that was going on that day. He said that's why he didn't go to those speeches that morning.
Jeff the Drunk made a speech on the final day. Howard played some of that speech. Jeff kept it short and got right off after giving the crowd his signature ''You little bitch'' line. Beetlejuice made a speech that day so Howard played that. Beet was just rambling and the crowd got him a bit thrown off as they were yelling stuff to him. Staind performed the Beetlejuice Song that day as well. Howard played some of that song.
Elegant Elliot Offen went up on stage and went nuts on everyone. He was basically saying that no one was going to pay for Howard. He got in a couple of plugs for some friends of his and for his video.
Howard played Riley Martin's final day speech and thought he was actually very good. Riley's speech was so good that Howard replayed some of it. Riley called the crowd a bunch of stupid motherfuckers at the end of his speech.
Crackhead Bob got up and screamed at the crowd telling them that he's a fucking mess. Then John the Stutterer got up and tried to make a speech but the crowd was yelling at him and making him stutter like crazy. Howard said John being on stage was like being in first grade for him but magnified by about 10,000 with the crowd in front of him. Craig and Fred had some fun doing a Kinison yelling at John the Stutterer bit. Howard had Fred playing a car starting sound effect for him too.
Howard moved on to the next clip which was High Pitch Eric doing his Kelly Clarkson impression. Craig told a story about doing a show with Bob Levy at a firehouse one time. He said High Pitch Eric was there and put on the captain's helmet thinking it would be funny. The captain ended up yelling at Eric to take the helmet off or he'd kick his ass. Eric couldn't hear him because he had the helmet on so he kept saying ''what?'' and saying he couldn't hear the guy. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard had Penny Crone and Jon Hein come in with their show updates. Penny was in for the Howard 100 News preview. She was wearing some huge, bloomer, panties that they goofed on a little bit before she got in her news preview. She mentioned the same list of stories that Lisa G mentioned earlier. She mentioned the Debbie Schlussel show that's airing tonight in place of Scott Ferrall's show. Howard said that it could turn out to be one of the worst shows they've ever aired on Howard 101.
Penny mentioned that they'll have some news about Sam Simon and about Artie finally showing up. Howard cut her off because she was going on a little too long. She was also having trouble reading her notes so she was done. Howard moved on to Jon Hein who had a Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about Sam Simon and about Artie showing up late. Tommy Chong's appearance will also be discussed. Gary's dad passing away will also be a subject of discussion on the show. The guys spent a minute talking about Fred showing up at the funeral. They also talked about Artie going to the wake and knowing exactly what to do when he got there.
Gary talked about bringing his son to the wake and having to explain to him why his grandfather looked strange. Gary said that Jackie the Joke Man also showed up at one of the wakes. He was telling him a story about going to the wake and how he wasn't allowed to go to a wake when he was 7 years old. Jackie is still pissed about that and he's 58 years old now.
Artie said he went up and did the sign of the cross up at the casket and said that he said a little prayer for God to take care of his soul. He said he asked God to take care of Gary's family and things like that as well. Howard said that there's like a moratorium on goofing on Gary since his father just died but he had a big sweat stain on his shirt this morning that he wanted to point out.
Gary told the story about his father telling his mother to shut up as he was on his death bed. Artie seemed to think that was pretty shocking. He didn't hear the story early in the morning because he was busy flying back from L.A.
Dominic called in and said he didn't hear about the death and he was involved with the family so he was kind of surprised he didn't hear about it. Dominic also told a story about an Irish funeral where they danced with a dead body. He said he spent 2 years in therapy over that.
Artie told a story about Norm MacDonald who had a friend dying in the hospital. A male nurse came in and tried to make him comfortable. After the nurse put his head down on the pillow, the guy turned to Norm and said ''Fag'' and then closed his eyes and died.
Dominic announced that he's a grandfather today. Howard let him go after that and had Jon Hein finish up his show preview. Jon said they'll try to talk about Sal interrupting those speeches at the final day at K-Rock. Howard turned it right over to Robin after that so they could get the show finished up.
Craig and Howard were also goofing around throwing in some of the lines that Sal was using in the final day clips that they were playing earlier in the show. The two of them were interrupting Robin's news stories with those lines.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
We heard a Wendy the Retard voice mail where she's trying to leave a message for Howard as the show started. Howard came in a short time later laughing at the clip. He said that was her being hassled by Richard and Sal in the back room. He said he walks past their studio sometimes and they've got their headphones on and must be jerking around retards.
Howard had a phone call where they had Fake Arnold call in to a cable access show. The hosts thought it was a joke at first but then they started to believe that it was really him. Arnold told them he didn't understand why they thought he wasn't who he said he was and they seemed to believe it was really him. The public access show's sound is awful so it's hard to understand what Arnold is saying. Artie suggested setting these people up in a studio at SIRIUS so they can goof on them with good equipment.
As the call went on the hosts of the show were whispering that it must really be Arnold. Then Arnold starts talking about someone he works with by the name of Bob A. Booey and eventually tells them to get off the airwaves after asking them why they didn't pick up on him saying that blacks should go back to picking cotton.
Howard was kind of upset that the sound on that call wasn't that great and knew that it would be hard to hear in a car while listening.
Artie said that Andy Dick is out of control and he's constantly talking and acting weird. He said he appeared to possibly be coked up but he's not sure about that. He said he knows how people act when they're on coke though and that's the feeling he got.
Artie said that a waitress came up to him while Andy was sitting next to him and asked them if they wanted a drink. Artie took one and Andy was undecided so he kept joking about maybe having a drink or maybe not. Then Artie's drink came and Andy did the same thing and started to laugh like the joker. Artie said that Andy was doing all of this while Jason Alexander was hosting the show. He kept going crazy and other comedians were looking over at him so he was just rolling his eyes.
Artie said Andy was offering him a job writing for his TV show while the show is still going on and things are getting out of hand. Artie said Andy disappeared for a short time and it was the best moment of the show. He said he had already gone on and done his roast of William Shatner. Andy got up on stage and started rambling which lost the audience. He went off on the audience but didn't get off stage, he was just walking around and throwing shit at the audience.
Artie said Andy got all pissed off and came back to his seat a short time later. He knew that the audience didn't like him but Artie told him they'll edit it down. Andy then asked him if he was still drinking and said that he couldn't say if he was drinking or not.
Farah Fawcett got up on stage and Andy was looking to steal the show. Farah was kind of bombing and looked like a deer in the headlights according to Artie. He said Andy thought he could save her set so he ran up on stage and began to lick Farah's face. He was licking from the bottom of her neck to her hair. He was licking off the make-up she had on while she asked him to stop. The audience was going nuts so he wouldn't stop.
Artie said Andy must have gotten it into his head that licking faces was funny. He would get up and run up toward the other comedians if his name was mentioned. Artie said that he was acting like Courtney Love did at the Pam Anderson roast.
Patton Oswalt was up on stage at one point and Andy Dick got up and gave him a big French kiss. Patton was surprised and looked disgusted when that happened. Howard said he would take the guy by the seat of his pants and throw him off stage. Patton just let it go since he's kind of a passive type of guy according to Artie. He said Patton got in a joke about Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) and Andy hopped up, ran over to Nichelle and tried to tongue kiss her. Her mouth kind of opened up and Andy's tongue went right in there. He said she looked like she needed help and couldn't get away from him.
Artie said the crowd was going nuts and Andy kept it going and may have given her a hickey. They finally got him off of her and sat him down. Artie said that kind of thing was holding him up from getting out of there to get on his flight. Artie stuck around during the George Takei segment and then had to get out of there. He said he saw all of that but had to leave so he's not sure what else he missed.
Howard read from a report in Page Six where they talked about some of the other things Andy Dick did that night. He was licking faces and may have offered someone cocaine in a dressing room. Artie added that the guy really is out of control.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims that he saw Andy at a gay sex club and saw a guy jerk off on another guy and then Andy stuck his fingers in it and licked it off. Howard said he's not sure if that's a true story or not but he'll chose to believe it himself.
Howard said he didn't get a chance to call into Debbie Schlussel's show last night because he had to get to bed. He also said he banged Beth last night even with her fractured foot boot on. He also had a bunch of TV shows he was trying to keep up on.
Howard said that Cabbie is doing a show tonight at 8pm on Howard 101. He's filling in for Scott Ferrall like Debbie did last night. He said Cabbie is using the show to call him a lot to talk about his career and stuff. He said Cabbie seems to just want contact with people.
Howard said he's busy and doesn't have time to talk to Cabbie that much. He moved on to play some audio clips from Debbie Schlussel's show last night. She was talking about how the country needs to do some profiling at the airports. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about their own experiences getting on flights and how even they get hassled. Howard had to interrupt because he had an important call to get to...
Eric said he thinks that there's no way in hell they're ever going to get Katherine McPhee on the show so that's not going to get him to fly. Howard told Eric he wants to put on the cartoon they created about him on Howard TV but Eric really doesn't want them to do that. Howard said they don't need his approval to do that though.
Howard had Sal and Richard come in to talk about doing this stuff. The two of them said that they really don't want to do that because they want to get away from doing gay stuff. Howard told the guys that they have to do it or they'll be fired. Sal said that would be really humiliating to him and he really doesn't want his family seeing him do stuff like that. Howard and the guys were telling Eric that he seems to have pulled one over on them and has made it a very humiliating thing for them.
Howard asked Eric when they're going to make this happen. Eric wasn't sure so Howard asked him what else he's going to ask him to do to get him to do things. Eric said he might make Howard shave his head. Howard told him he's going to have to fly without balloons... out the window... To make that happen.
Artie said that he'll eat a pizza while Sal and Richard are blowing the fake dildos. Howard asked him when he's free to do the flying with balloons. Eric said he can't do it this month. Howard asked him what he's busy with. He's got family stuff going on. Howard asked him if he can come in the day after the labor day weekend. That would be Tuesday, September 5th. Eric said he can do it a little later in the week because he'll be in the city. He said he met someone on Sunday night and that woman starts working in Hairspray on Broadway that week. He said that's Diana DeGarmo so he wants to come into the city to see her perform.
Johnny was giving Robin some advice on racing against Bubba the Love Sponge. He was telling her to use her SL55 Mercedes to race him but then she told him she's got a Z06 Corvette too so he told her to use either one to race him in a drag race. He said the SL55 will eat anything in the world and that's what she should use.
Howard told Johnny that they really need to get him a show because he's such an entertaining motherfucker. He said he would listen to his show. Artie asked him what size his TV is in his living room. Johnny said it's 1000 inches. They pulled it out of a theater according to Johnny. He said that's the TV that his son bought when he gave him a credit card and told him to go out and buy a TV. It cost them $25,000.
Artie said he was out in L.A. last year hanging out with KC and that's how he got up to Johnny's place. He said Johnny gave him a DVD of a TV show he wants to do and it was pretty good. Johnny said you can see a teaser of that show on BeverlyHillsChopper.com. Johnny was also talking about the product placement he's gotten on a bunch of TV shows lately and how he does it without money, he just uses his connections to get that stuff plugged. Howard told him he's a genius and it was amazing that he had worked out a settlement with Eric the Midget.
Eric told Howard that it's mathematically impossible to make him fly with balloons. Howard told him to let them worry about that. Eric said he's going to do it but he doesn't think it will work. Gary told him that it's been done on the Letterman show with Paul Newman flying with balloons. Howard accidentally hung up on those two guys when his finger hit the button accidentally.
Gary came in and said that Johnny is getting a show and they're sending Jim McClure out there to talk to him about doing the show. Howard asked Gary to get those two guys back on the phone because he didn't mean to hang up on them. He took a call from a guy who said that Eric the Midget should be asking to get laid, not asking for Sal and Richard to suck fake penises.
Artie was doing an impression of Johnny Fratto while they waited to get them back on the phone. Johnny has a bit of a mid-western accent so Artie was doing that and exaggerating it a bit. He had the voice down pretty good. He tried to fool Eric the Midget when Howard had him back on the line. Howard said he was surprised he made friends with Johnny Fratto.
Artie, as Johnny, said that he fucked Diana DeGarmo up the ass at American Idol one time and rambled on and on. Gary told Howard that they're unable to get Johnny on the phone, he's not picking up for some reason. Eric thought he might still have Johnny on his cell phone but he wasn't there either. Johnny was on the phone a short time later. Howard said that maybe Johnny could have Eric as his sidekick on his radio show. Johnny said he will have a lot of sidekicks so Eric might be one of them.
Johnny started to tell a story and all of the guys started to laugh because of Artie's impression that he had just been doing. He said that he has worked with Paris Hilton and he knows how to get her to do things. He said you just have to give her stuff she likes.
Howard said they have learned that Johnny is going to be doing a show for Howard 101. Johnny interrupted and said that he wanted to tell a story. He said he hooked Barry Williams up with a really hot chick out there that he found working in a Starbucks coffee place. Howard wanted to wrap up with the two of them so he thanked them for calling in and said they can't wait for the balloons thing to happen. Howard told Eric that he knew he was going to fly with balloons and he should have listened to him. Howard told Johnny to get him in a Superman outfit and he'd be really impressed. Eric said he's not wearing any stupid costumes when he flies. He said he's going to wear his ordinary clothes.
Johnny said he can have a Brioni suit made up for him so the suit will be like something he'd wear. Artie was still doing his impression of Johnny while Johnny was trying to tell a story about a couple of midgets. Howard had to cut Johnny off and asked Eric if he'll let Johnny dress him up like a midget gangster. Eric wasn't able to get in an answer because Johnny kept cutting him off. Eric said he will not wear any costume. Howard told him it's not a costume, it would be a suit. Eric said he'll be wearing a t-shirt and pants, that's it.
Howard asked Eric if he wears shoes when he's out. Eric said of course he does and he buys kids size 12. Howard thought he wore doll shoes. Howard said he would like to see Eric look good for the flying show. Howard thanked the guys for calling in again but Johnny was still talking and asking for his own show. He said he's pretty sure he can get people like Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Nicole Eggert, Brooke Burke, Travis Barker and others on his show. Robin asked for some names of people they would know. Johnny said he would try to do that as well.
Howard played Eric out with the ''Fly Me With Balloons'' song parody that they've played before. Johnny wanted a song of his own but they didn't have one made up yet. Eric said that he was almost tempted to say that this was going to be his last call to the show. Eric was upset about the song that they played. He said that Johnny was going to ask Howard not to call him a midget anymore. Johnny told Howard that he would like it if Howard stopped calling him a midget. Howard said they'll call him Eric the Actor then. He said they can't wait for him to fly with balloons. Johnny wanted to finish up a story about a couple of midgets that his uncle told him about. He said if the guys heard the rest of the story they'd like it.
Howard said he heard that Eric was living in a gravy jar on Johnny's counter. He tried to say goodbye to Eric but he had already hung up on him. Howard told Johnny he's got his work cut out for him now. He let him go and Artie continued to do his impression of Johnny for a few more seconds.
Howard spent a minute talking about how Cabbie was going to be coming in to promote the show he's doing tonight in place of Scott Ferrall's show. The guys talked about Cabbie for a short time and Artie ended up getting back into his Johnny Fratto impression.
Gary came in and told Howard that the labor day weekend is going to be an all request weekend of classic K-Rock tapes. They're pulling music, bits and classic moments from the show that people are requesting. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had Lisa G come in to give her Howard 100 News preview. She said that Cabbie was there and the rest is history. Artie said they have a new Cabbie now... ''Preachy Cabbie.'' He said Cabbie pulled him aside out in the hall and started to talk to him about his weight and stuff like that.
Lisa said they have spoken to the Executive Producer of ''Dancing with the Stars'' but she wasn't able to finish her thoughts. Howard said he's glad that Beth didn't do the show because the show is getting horrible reviews because of the D-list celebrities they've gotten to do the show. He read one article where they say it's a train wreck. They have ''celebrities'' like Tucker Carlson, Jerry Springer and Mario Lopez in this season.
Artie said he's actually doing Beth's show Casino Cinema tonight and that should air in a few weeks. Lisa said they contacted Carnegie Hall to find out how Artie's ticket sales are going and found out that they've sold out almost all of the tickets except some on the sides of the theater.
Lisa also said that they have a Page 69 story about Sal the Stockbroker and he may be hearing from Human Resources. She said it's going to be about the pictures of his penis that he's been sending to Stern Show staffers. Howard asked Sal if he's showing his penis to interns. Sal came in and said that this is an old story and he has never sent those pictures to women. He only sends them to the guys on the show.
Artie told Cabbie that he doesn't have to pay him if he's going to complain about that stuff. He said he'll do anything to make him shut up. Howard then said that giving Cabbie a show led to him calling him for advice all the time and he wants that to stop as well. He just wanted Cabbie to come in there and get in a quick promo for his show that's airing tonight on Howard 101 starting at 8pm.
Howard asked Cabbie if he's going to have Cane on his show so they could recreate the Cane and Cabbie show they used to do at K-Rock. Cabbie said Cane just signed on over at XM so he can't do the show there at SIRIUS. Howard told him that he's sorry to hear that Cane is on a sinking ship. Cabbie said he's going to have a band on his show tonight.
Howard told Cabbie that one of the most requested moments for the all request weekend of classic tapes was probably the moment that he revealed that he had gay sex a couple of times. Cabbie said it wasn't a couple of times, it was just once. He said that he thinks that a lot of people think about having gay sex and just because they do it one time doesn't make them gay. Howard disagrees with that and said that he is gay if he experiments. Cabbie admitted that he has done some swinging and has stuck his dick through some glory holes.
Howard asked Cabbie about his gay sex experimenting and found out that he was doing that stuff before the age of 15. Cabbie said he was very young and the experimenting went away after that. Fred threw in the NAMBLA answering machine message that they've played many times over the years.
Howard told Cabbie he wants him to get some rest for the show he's doing tonight. Cabbie said he's doing the show tonight and tomorrow night. He will work in some music into his show and the song's probably won't be hit songs. Robin said that Cabbie almost lost his job because he didn't stick to the play list he had at K-Rock.
Artie was doing an impression of Cabbie introducing some of the songs he might be playing. That led to Cabbie getting upset with him and going off on him and threatening to shove a CD up his ass. Artie told him that's all that CD is good for so he invited him to go ahead and do it.
Howard told Cabbie he was going to cut him off now because he was going to blow it if he kept going too long. Cabbie said he's not going to blow it. Howard let him go a short time later. Fred played him out with the classic ''My Name is Cabbie'' song parody.
Sal said that Paulie had sepsis and he passed away when it got to his heart. Howard wanted to do a tribute to Paulie so he played a bit where they had Paulie in ''A Black History Moment: How The Radio Was Invented.'' Paulie had a great delivery and would throw out some great lines that made no sense.
Sal said that Doug Goodstein is putting together the best moments from Paulie's appearances on the show for Howard TV. Howard said they have to remember some of their fallen Wack Packers like Cliff Palette, Big Foot Matt, Hank the Dwarf and Uncle Paulie.
Big Foot Mark is the new Big Foot on the show so hopefully no one will get confused by the two. Sal said his uncle is on display in a funeral home in Ridgewood, Queens. He wasn't sure if the family wanted people going there to the viewing so he may get in trouble for giving out the information.
Howard said he knows that Jon does not like Ralph. Artie asked Howard what percentage of people would hate Ralph after working with him for a month. Howard said it would be 100 percent. Jon said he just lost it that day and he thought he could work with Ralph even though he drives people nuts. He wasn't able to hold it together like he thought he could.
Crazy Alice left a message about Penny Crone. She said that she's grossed out when she thinks about Penny Crone blowing firemen and police like she's said on the air.
Howard mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons was going to be sitting in a little later. He said that Yanni is also coming in. Robin said she hates his music but Howard said she was one of the people saying that they should have him on.
Howard talked a little bit about Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro's break up. He also mentioned that Kate Hudson and her husband Chris Robinson are breaking up. Artie said Chris was on the show one time and he was a real dick. He said he told Chris Kate was hot and Chris told him to enjoy his view from the cheap seats. He said he hopes that Kate left him for some other guy.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she told Beth not to do that Dancing with the Stars show and she was right. She also said that there's a condo place in Brooklyn that's giving away SIRIUS radios with a one year subscription when you buy. Howard said he had heard about that and thanked Mariann for calling in. She started to sing so Howard hung up on her.
Howard invited Greg Fitzsimmons to come in and listen to the tape with them. Greg came in a short time later. Howard continued to play the classic audio where ODB continued to curse and make crazy comments about various things. He was wearing a bullet proof vest at the event and told the press that he was scared of the would in general.
Artie said that guy should have been a stand-up comedian with all of the material he had. The press asked him not to curse so much so ODB tried to hold back. Howard said that this was the greatest press conference he ever heard. Gary told him to stick with it because they took a bunch of clips from the upcoming stuff for using on the show. They had the ''nigga please'' clip in there so everyone got a laugh when they heard that.
The CD started to skip around so Howard cut it off and said he never has any luck with CD players. Greg was complaining about the heat in the studio so Howard told the guys to turn it down a couple of degrees. Greg told Howard he shot an episode of Late Show with David Letterman last night and that will be airing on Friday night. He said it went really well too.
Howard asked Greg how he got on Letterman for the first time. Greg said he was booked while he was up at the Montreal comedy festival. He said he's been bumped from Letterman's show on many occasions though. He said he once got bumped for Jack Lemmon but that may have been a good thing because he was scared shitless that night. He said he's done a lot of late night shows but Letterman's show is ''the one'' to do so that one has scared him before.
Greg said that Dave's theater is set up perfect for doing comedy. Howard found out that Ed Norton was on the same show as Greg was so he said that his movie ''The Illusionist'' is great. He said he's been reading good reviews about the movie but Greg thought that it had been getting bashed. Howard said he loved the movie and can't believe it's getting bad reviews. Greg said he just saw the movie ''Little Miss Sunshine'' and it was one of the best movies he's seen in a long time.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he just found another AC/DC song with the N-word in it. He said it's in the song ''Kicked in the Teeth'' and Artie said the guy might be right. Artie said that may have been on their first album but Fred was unable to find it in their library. Howard said he had to take a break. Yanni was there waiting to come in. Robin said that Mr. X is a big fan of Yanni and she finds that hard to believe. She said she really dislikes him and he actually had John Tesh in his band for a while so he's spawned even more bad music.
Howard was singing along to some of Yanni's music about him banging Linda Evans. Gary came in and asked Howard if they could go to break and bring Yanni in. He said Yanni was out there listening to all of this stuff and he seemed to be a little afraid that they were going to lose a guest. He said Yanni was laughing at what they were doing but he wanted to bring him in. Howard went to break after giving Greg some plugs for some upcoming shows he's doing.
Howard told Yanni that he remembers when he hooked up with Linda Evans because she brought him on Oprah with him and that got him some good exposure. Yanni said it was a good move and she was a fan of his back then so that's how they hooked up. Howard said Linda was into Ramthar back then and asked Yanni if he ever met that chick who would channel that guy. Yanni said he did meet her before. He sounded a bit overwhelmed with all of the people in the studio who were surrounding him.
Yanni said that Linda and the Ramthar lady were very close back then and Linda is a very good human being. He asked them to cut it out. Howard said he was wondering why they're not together anymore. Yanni said that sometimes human beings, you know... Howard interrupted him and said that he thinks he just got to be very popular and had to get out of the relationship.
Howard said that Yanni has banged chicks back stage at concerts and stuff. Yanni figured Howard read his book (Yanni in Words) and said that he was probably the one who had actually read it. Howard said he actually picked a groupie out of the crowd when he was in a rock band and took her back stage to bang her.
Howard thought that Yanni was one of these really spiritual guys but he's done coke and stuff like that. Yanni said he did that for just a short time when he was about 25 years old. He got out of it when he realized how deadly it was.
Howard brought up John Tesh and asked Yanni if he's pissed off about him ripping him off. Yanni said he's not pissed and Howard should leave him alone.
Howard gave Yanni a plug for his new CD ''Live: The Concert Event'' and DVD ''Yanni Live - The Concert Event'' and took a phone call for him. The caller said he usually likes bands like Tool and Sevendust but he has bought some Yanni CDs because they work well for getting chicks in the mood.
Howard asked Yanni what kind of money he's making with this music of his. Yanni said he's living in South Florida on a little island. Artie said that's a little island called ''Pussyville.'' Howard told Yanni that it must be great being single and being able to bang all of the groupies he wants. He never married Linda Evans so that was good for him.
Howard said he read that Yanni had lost his virginity at the age of 14 in a whore house in Greece. Yanni said it's almost a tradition over there. He said he had to save up money for about 6 months to afford it. He said it wasn't very good that time either. He said it actually lasted a long time so it really wasn't very good. He said the woman looked like his aunt so that didn't help. Fred played some Blue Iris audio clips to go along with the image of his aunt.
Howard asked Yanni about having to go on Larry King's show to defend himself about not beating up his girlfriend. Yanni said that he has to get lawyers just to break up with women these days. Howard said that he's pretty sure that Joe Theisman once broke up with a woman via fax one time.
Howard wanted to hear some Yanni music but Fred wasn't able to find it in his library. Artie told him to look it up under ''sleep.'' They blamed all of those types of lines on Benjy so Yanni wouldn't know it was Artie cracking the jokes.
Howard had Yanni's CD so he played some of his music. Greg asked him how he would dance to that music but Yanni didn't want to show him. Howard got up instead and showed him how he would dance to it. Greg apparently gave him a lap dance. Robin said it appeared that they had gone right into homosexuality after dancing the way they had.
Howard told Artie that he should sing to the music so Artie used some AC/DC lyrics. Yanni told Artie he had some soul as he was singing to the song. Howard asked Yanni how he makes videos for this music. Yanni said it's very difficult so they just record concerts in full and show them long form. Greg said that when he hears this music he's usually paying for a massage where he just got a hand job.
Fred was throwing in the David Lynch ''I like to kill deer'' ring tone while Howard had another one of Yanni's songs playing. Greg asked Yanni what kind of audience he has watching this stuff. Robin said that her boyfriend is the type of guy going to the concert. She said he dragged her to one of his concerts one time. She's not into his music though. Artie said that some judges will give people the choice of going to jail or listening to his music.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard and Yanni are legends and he was happy to hear them together. Howard started to wrap up and said that Robin was the one who didn't want to have him on the show. Robin said she didn't say that, she was just surprised at the booking. She asked Yanni a couple of questions about what he has to do when he breaks up with a woman, does he have to pay her off. Artie said that after the chick has two black eyes, you know you've already told her twice to get out. Greg said that all he really has to do is put on some of his music and drive the woman out of the house.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard when he's going to have Zamfir on the show to play his flute. Another guy said that Yanni is a wife beating, coke blowing dude. He went on to say that Yanni is the man because he has done a lot with that music of his and even though the music is not his thing, he does hear it while getting massages and things like that.
Howard wrapped up with Yanni and found out that this is his 14th album and he's sold over 20 million albums in his career. Howard played him out with his song ''Sacred Ground'' and went to commercial break.
Howard gave Greg some plugs for his upcoming gigs and web site GregFitzsimmons.com. He took a phone call from a guy who asked what kind of motorcycle Fred rides. Howard played the ''Fred'' theme song so Fred could answer the question himself.
Artie said he thinks it's a Triumph. He didn't know the model. Fred said it's 900 CCs, triple cylinder, water cooled... The caller also asked if he's ever ridden his wife on the back. Fred said he tried it once but she almost crushed his ribs and he's never tried again since then. Howard said that had to be one of Fred's top 3 moments on the show.
Fred ended up going off on Greg about the hat he was wearing this morning because he was kind of goofing on him about that segment. Greg said he's never heard Fred come after him before so that was a bit of a surprise.
A phone caller asked Howard if he just made Yanni interesting in that interview. Howard said he thinks they did. He said that Greg lap dancing him has to be seen on Howard TV.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who asked about his chess playing. Howard said he's been playing at about a rating of 1045. The caller wanted to know what the first 10 moves would be in the game but Howard said there are many moves and he doesn't really have a set of moves he does in every game. The caller was also asking Artie about single deck blackjack out in Vegas. Artie said he has played the game out in Vegas and has won playing it. Howard ended up talking about the single deck game but the guy really had no point so Howard got out of the call.
Steve said that they've also learned that Sal the Stockbroker is making his kids go fishing with him so they can bond. He won't subject his kids to playing chess according to Steve. Howard had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Jon mentioned the stuff they'll be talking about on the show today. He said they'll talk about Yanni coming on and how Benjy was being blamed for the comments that Artie was making. They'll also talk about Eric the Midget's demands to fly with balloons and how Sal and Richard are going to be forced into sucking on dildos to do it. Jon mentioned a couple of other things and then Howard moved on to other things.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they animate some stuff for Howard TV. Howard said they might have to start doing stuff like that instead of putting on video of Sal and Richard doing stuff out in Central Park. The caller asked Howard to start playing some of that classic K-Rock stuff instead of replaying the SIRIUS shows. Howard said they're working on that stuff now and they will have some of it ready for Labor Day weekend and then they'll be playing even more after that.
The caller had also asked where George Flowers had been lately. Howard thought that George's hours had changed and he didn't want to do the updates anymore. Gary came in and said he thinks that George just didn't want to come in the studio anymore so they handed it off to Steve Langford. He also thinks that George wanted to sit in the news room and do his thing instead of waiting to come on the air.
The caller told Howard that the people over at SFN really love him and they're posting like crazy. Howard said he has avoided going on the site for the past 2 weeks and he thinks he's kicked the habit.
Artie asked Howard if he had his meeting with the 5 heads of all of the major web sites yet. Howard said that has not happened yet but it may happen some day. Artie also asked him if he had finished reading the ''A Confederacy of Dunces'' book yet. Howard said he has not finished it because he got so caught up in chess.
Howard got back to the Debbie Schlussel audio clips and played another one where a caller goofed on her and told her to take all of her conspiracy theories and stuff like that and shove them in her vagina.
Greg mentioned some stuff that his father, Bob Fitzsimmons, used to do and that led to Howard and Robin talking about how they used to call that guy's show and goof on him quite a bit. Greg said that his father was the first guy to ever syndicate a radio show.
Greg said his father died at the age of 53 while he was out to dinner one night. He was having a great night out just died that night. He was a heavy smoker and smoked 3 1/2 packs a day according to Greg. He said his father was a great father and he was a very dynamic guy. He spent a couple of minutes talking about how great his father was before Howard wrapped up to take another commercial break.
Howard said that Penny Crone was out in the hall carrying on a little too much. She came in and told Howard that Lisa Z was asking her to come in and talk to her down in Sal and Richard's studio to talk to her but she didn't want to do it. She said she was told that Eric the Midget was in the bathroom and she's been waiting outside of the door for the past hour.
Sal came in and said that they wanted Steve Langford to come in and do the interview (Eric wasn't really there) because he's a better interviewer. Howard broke the news to Penny that Eric isn't really there. Sal told Penny that she's a stupid asshole. Penny was afraid to go into the office with Lisa Z because she thought she was going to be fired. Lisa is now her boss.
Penny was talking about standing out on line for a wake and how Star Jones showed up and said there was no way she was going to wait in line. She's not sure if she stuck around or not but she had a lot of balls to do something like that at someone's wake.
High Pitch Mike came in and asked Penny to come out and interview Eric the Midget. Penny asked Howard to talk to Lisa Z and get her off her ass. Howard told her she really has to listen to her superiors. Howard let her go and Greg said that Penny is nuts. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard asked Greg if there was any discussion about money. Greg said he didn't talk money but he wants to make sure he gets paid that night. He said he doesn't care how much it is as long as he gets paid the night of the show.
Gary came in and asked if it was true that Artie was trying to find someone who wasn't as funny as he was for the show. Artie said that's not the case at all. He's looking for someone who has the right energy for the show and can handle the opening act. He said he's got a different energy and a different type of personality. He's got some guys in mind to open the show. He said his friend Joe Matarese and Jim Florentine are on that list. He thinks that Bob Levy's energy is very high and he's a great comedian but he's not sure he would be right for that show.
Gary said he heard that Artie took a bunch of people out for lunch a couple of weeks ago and Dan the Song Parody Man worked his way into doing one of his shows. Artie said they're doing a show at the Webster Theater and Dan will be doing his act there. Gary also said that he heard that Ralph showed up at the lunch, ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and took it home. Artie said he didn't just take his meal home, he took home a bunch of other leftovers that were on the table.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that he should make a movie out of the book ''A Confederacy of Dunces'' and Artie should play the part if Ignacious. Artie said he thinks that Steven Sodderheim owns the rights to that right now but it would make for a great movie.
Jeff the Drunk called in later and asked Artie about handing out fliers for his movie. Artie said they should have gone out to him last week so he'll have to get on that. Jeff is looking to make a few bucks so Artie said he could hand out fliers about his movie ''Beer League'' which hits theaters on September 15th. Howard told Jeff that Artie is going to look into it.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show complaining about his microphone sounding strange. He wondered if someone had screwed with it and messed up the sound. He said that someone had to have touched it but no one was fessing up to changing anything.
Robin asked if there was another roast going on somewhere because Artie wasn't there yet. He came walking in a short time later. Howard said that they have some audio of Artie doing his roast of William Shatner on Sunday night. Joel Gallen apparently told Gary that there was no memo sent out about not cracking any jokes about Shatner's hair. Artie said he never said anything about the hair being off limits, it was jokes about his wife that he heard were off limits.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he caught the Wrap Up Show yesterday and it was brilliant when George Flowers and Penny Crone were fighting and also when the guys were arguing about comedy and racism. Howard said Scott the Engineer was in the process of putting up clips from that show.
Robin said that she will not be continuing on the show because of some statements made by George Flowers because she must need to reflect on what she is doing on the show. She said she's heard that she's apparently not doing the right thing as a black woman on the show according to what George was saying. Robin said that because George has slept with a black woman, he thinks he's the authority on black people.
The caller told Howard that George and Penny have no idea what's going on with the show. That led to the guys talking about how Ronnie was fooling Penny Crone when he called in as Frank from Staten Island and goofed on her for a few minutes. Ronnie got upset when Greg Fitzsimmons spoiled the joke. Howard said that he's thinking of quitting his show and going to the Wrap Up Show because it sounds like it's better.
The guy on the phone said that the Wrap Up Show was very smart and they should replay the whole thing. Gary said that the argument between George Flowers and Penny Crone was very good. She was going off on George saying that he's not a real reporter, he's just a news reader. Howard said that George is a professional at what he does and he doesn't understand what Penny's problem is. Gary said that Penny seems to be all over the place with her emotions because one day she'll come in his office way too happy and then she'll be crying just a short time later.
Howard said that he had a meeting yesterday with David who is working on the old K-Rock tapes. There's a whole team of 5 people working on getting those audio clips ready for the Labor Day weekend. They have actually mapped out the rest of the year and what they'll be playing over the next few months. He said they have a lot of great stuff coming up and he thinks people are really going to like it.
Gary told Howard they have the Wrap Up Show stuff ready to play. The caller had mentioned that Howard should run for President so Howard spent a short time talking about how he just doesn't have time to run but he thinks he could do a better job than Bush is doing. That led to the guys talking about Bush and who they think will run in '08.
Howard said that he's run into Rudy Giuliani a couple of times recently and he looks very happy. He thinks his life is too good and he probably won't run for President. He said he's not sure if Hillary Clinton or John McCain would run either. The guys talked about Al Gore for a short time as well. Howard said if he doesn't run then he may have to run himself. If Senator Brownback runs and wins, Howard said he'll have to get off the air because the guy will run them out of there if they don't.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they mix the ODB tapes with Beetlejuice tapes because he did kind of sound like him at the start of his press conference. That led to Howard playing a song parody about ODB who passed away a while back.
Howard said that he has to side with George on that argument because the guy has been in the business for 40 years. He's just as essential to a newscast as Penny is. Artie was saying that George made a comment about Robin not being a good representative for black people and he thought that was out of line.
Howard played another clip where Ronnie called in as ''Frank'' and had Penny fooled into thinking he was just a caller who was going off on her. Then Greg Fitzsimmons killed the joke when he pointed out it was Ronnie. Howard said that was some Wrap Up Show yesterday. Gary said Ronnie worked it perfectly because he walked past the studio right around the time he called in and pretended not to see them in there.
Howard had another clip where George Flowers was talking about how some of the stuff on the show is too racist and how his wife would never be subjected to listening to something like that (because she's black). That conversation had Gary, George and Artie talking about jokes that are on the show that George finds to be racist. George hopped up on his soap box and started preaching to Artie about racist jokes and the way they're used on the show. Artie tried to explain to George how they try to point out how ridiculous racism is on the show and they're doing comedy. Gary was trying to get that point across as well but George still found it to be wrong. George was saying that Daniel Carver was being ''honored'' when he was roasted on the show months ago.
Howard interrupted and said that George really doesn't get the show. He played more of that clip where George gave his thoughts on the racist jokes on the show. Artie tried to explain it to him like they're doing jokes like that to point out how dumb racists are, kind of like ''All in the Family'' did. During that conversation George said that he didn't thikn that Robin was a good representative for blacks.
Artie tried to explain to George that they try to point out how retarded a Klansman is by putting him on the show with a bunch of retards so he can have a conversation with them. George Flowers thought that someone on the show should be giving a counter balance view on teh show whenever they do racist jokes. He didn't think that Robin was doing that on the show.
Howard said he thinks that Robin should resign from the show and they shoujld get Rob Reiner to replace her since Rob was the counter balance on ''All in the Family'' accodring to what George Flowers was saying. Gary pointed out that Spike Lee once called Robin off the air and talked to her about not acting black enough on the show. She said she actually said ''fuck you'' to him adn he hung up on her.
Robin wondered why George Flowers stays there if he has so many issues with the show. Howard said there really isn't any place to work where there is no racism. Howard thinks that they should have George bakc on teh Wrap Up Show today because he was great yesterday.
Howard thinks that the whole news deparment has gone nuts. Robin said it does seem like the news deparmtent is kind of falling all over itself lately. Howard thinks Penny is upset that she never became an anchor while she was working for FOX News all the years she was there. She may be taking that out on George.
Howard said he went to dinner around 6:30 and had to leave by 8. He was driving home when he tuned in to hear Cabbie's show. He said Cabbie was cursing every other word so he called in to give him some support and to tell him to tone it down a little bit with the cursing. He said that Cabbie has been a part of the show for a while now and he really wanted to hear everything that went on with him from the time he was convicted right through the time he spent in prison.
Howard tried to lead Cabbie down the road to telling some stories about going to prison but he didn't have a lot of time to steer him in that direction.
Howard mentioned that he's going to be recording his part in the Sam Simon sitcom ''My Bitter Half'' today. He asked Artie why Dana isn't playing herself in the show. Artie said he hasn't asked her yet but he could do that. He said they're not really a couple right now but he wouldn't feel awkward asking her to do it. That led to Howard asking Artie about his relationship with her. Artie said he's been traveling a lot and he's been very tired so they haven't been getting together much. He said he did go out on a date with her about a month ago and had sex with her but he's not even sure if they're boyfriend and girlfriend at this point.
Howard got back to the Cabbie discussion and said that he'll be on again tonight. He said what he heard on the show last night was actually pretty good. He would like him to get into his life a little more. Another phone caller told Howard that they need someone in the studio with Cabbie who has a mind like Howard's. He didn't think Cabbie knew where to go during the show. Howard said Cabbie hasn't been on the air for over a year so he was just trying to get comfortable.
The caller asked Artie if he ever feels like he has to show off in front of other comedians when they're on the show because that's what he seemed to be doing yesterday. Artie said he doesn't do that consciously. Howard admitted that he will try to show off when he has hot chicks in the studio so he knows what that's like.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who talked about how great Artie has been on the show. Howard said that Artie has been comfortable on the show right from the start. Greg Fitzsimmons is another guy who can come on the show and just hang out without making it all about himself according to Howard.
The caller was saying that he thought Cabbie should have just talked about his life instead of doing shtick like he was doing last night. Howard said he would like to hear Cabbie talking about his time in prison. Cabbie was apparently talking about jerking off in a lot of places during the show last night and Howard said that was kind of interesting but he would like him to just talk about his life.
Robin said she would even be interested in hearing what kind of music Cabbie likes to listen to. Artie said that Cabbie is a big part of the show because on September 12, 2001 he was the only guest on the show for quite a while that day. He's been around for quite a while and has shared many stories with them over the years.
The guys got back on the subject of George Flowers again and spent a few more minutes talking about that. The caller mentioned that Robin had called into Bubba's show yesterday. He said that Bubba seems to be obsessed with his contract and the amount of money he's making there.
Gary came in and told Howard that he had a clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where George Flowers was talking about the problems he had with his Uvula but pronounced it ''ooovula.'' Howard thought the whole thing sounded disgusting.
Joel had mentioned something to Gary about the Farah Fawcett set on the William Shatner roast and how they're going to leave her whole thing in there even though they're cutting most of the comedian's sets down. Artie's 8 minutes is being cut from 8 minutes to 4 minutes. Farah's is being left intact. Artie said if that's the case, everyone has to see it. He figured she was so bad that they'd cut it out completely. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard had another clip where a chick started crying during a scene. He said porn is depressing, he was on a web site recently looking at the site where John the Stutterer does porn and this young chick was blowing him forever and John just looked awful. He had a big ring around his belly from being out of shape and a big bush. JD came in to talk about that stuff so Fred played his new Techno music theme song for a few seconds. Howard said John has a kind of small wiener and this poor girl is blowing him and it makes him want to die. He said it was really hard to watch.
Howard spent a short time talking about the John the Stutterer movie and how depressing that was. Gary said that Kenneth Keith also did a porn movie and that was pretty disturbing. He said Ken did this chick and finished in about 20 seconds. Howard said that at one point in the John the Stutterer movie he asks the chick to spit on his dick and it was just gross.
JD said they have some audio from John's porn movie up on Howard's computer. Howard played one clip where John is telling the chick that he's sorry and no one was sure why he was doing that. Howard said John's penis was really red because the chick had been doing him so long. In the clip John is talking about how he's going to cum and then finishes on the chick's face. Howard said John asks to kiss the chick who he'd just finished on. He said it was just gross and depressing.
Howard had another porn movie outtake where this porn chick starts crying after getting yelled at by another woman. The crying woman says that she didn't know the scene was going to be like that. The guys on the set tried to calm her down. Howard said the movie is available at JerkOffZone.com
Howard had another clip where a woman got a splinter from a piece of wood that was shoved inside of her. She blamed a guy on the set for doing it to her and how she could feel it in her and it was really hurting. Howard said that stuff was depressing as well. He had Lisa G come in to do her preview.
Lisa said that the amount of visitors on the chess site that Howard uses, ICC, has skyrocketed since he mentioned it on the air a few times. Howard said he's still playing but his score went down again and he has someone helping him learn how to play now. That guy has been telling him it could take years to learn how to play really well. It's not a game you just play really well from the start. Howard said he just wants to win. He said he doesn't have a really expensive chess set or anything. He just took out the set he used back when he was in 7th grade or so. He said the set is kind of shitty and it's not like he remembered it being. He might buy an antique set or something if he can find a nice one. That was it for Lisa so Howard let her go.
Howard said that David Copperfield has a new scam where he's claiming that he's found a fountain of youth and he puts flowers in there and they magically come to life. Howard also read a story about a bomb that was planned for the bombings recently. He read that one of the terrorist families were going to bring their baby on the flight and put the bomb in the baby bottle and blow the plane out of the sky.
Howard read that Bruno Kirby had passed away at the age of 57. The guys talked about that for a short time and talked about some of the great movies Bruno was in including ''The Godfather Part II.''
Howard said there's a new TV show coming on soon and he said it doesn't really appeal to him. They've taken people who are sort of celebrities and they're going to see if they can sing. Howard said he's pretty sure he won't watch that. He said he doesn't want to see Cheech from Cheech and Chong trying to sing karaoke songs.
Howard read part of an interview that Chaunce Hayden did with Nina Blackwood where she said she can't get Howard Stern out of her mind. Howard said that if she had said that about 20 years ago she might have been able to get him. He said he hasn't seen her lately but he thinks that she's around the age of 60 by now. Gary told him that she's going to be 51 this September. Howard said there's no way she could have held up at that age. He said she was hot back in the day when she was on MTV though.
Gary told Howard they had another clip of Wendy on a voice mail. In the clip she was singing a song that was unintelligible because she was drunk at the time. She was calling Robin a ''black whore'' and some other names. She used the N-word at one point so Robin said that maybe she should respond to counter balance the show like George Flowers was suggesting. Artie said if that was his daughter, he would move next to a cliff and tell her to go out and play. Either that or he'd put the Pizza Hut pizza out in the middle of the highway and tell her to go get it. Howard wondered when Wendy got obsessed with Robin because she was spending a lot of time talking about that.
A phone caller told Howard that Wendy called into Shade45 the rap channel the other day and she was using the N-word like crazy. Howard said he may have to talk to her about doing stuff like that.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made to Wendy where they jerked her around with some audio clips and had her thinking she was in a voice mail system. They also threw in Ronnie the Limo Driver, Mike Walker, Dice Clay and other audio clips. Wendy used the N-word a few times during that call but tried to stop herself a few times.
Howard had John the Stutterer come in a short time later. He said that one of the chicks in the movie is really hot. John brought in this woman G-spot but he didn't like the name so she said he could call her Ginger. Howard said Ginger and one of the other chicks on the web site are pretty hot.
Howard told John that his movie is really depressing. He asked Ginger what it was like to give oral to John. She wouldn't say it was gross or anything but she didn't sound so thrilled about it either. Howard explained some of the stuff he saw in the movie and how he felt sad watching them.
John tried to tell Howard about the movie but Fred was doing his impression of him and had him stuttering like crazy. John said that it is frustrating and depressing to do the movies because he knows that's the only way he can get women. Howard talked to him about the ring around his belly. John says it's from his pants being tight around his waist. John doesn't wear underwear so that's why it shows up so red.
Howard asked Ginger about her life in porn and found out she's had 5 guys at one time before. She said she may have been doing some coke that night. She said it's also happened more than once.
Yucko the Clown called in and got John all pissed off at him. John was yelling at Yucko calling him names and saying he looks like Robin Williams and a dwarf.
Howard got back to Ginger and asked her how she got into the business. She said she found an ad on CraigsList.com and ended up getting into it that way. Howard said he didn't get to see her naked on the web site so she offered to strip down for them in the studio. She took her clothes off a few seconds later and Howard was saying that she may be too hot for porn. He was amazed that she gave John oral.
John said the best part was when he got to eat her out. He used the c-word to describe it and she was kind of offended by that. John said she called him ugly so he can use that word to describe her pussy. Ginger was telling the guys that she likes to get peed on and she even drinks some of it. She said she really gets excited by that stuff but she's not into anal.
Ginger said she was able to get John off in about 10 minutes and that's pretty good for John because he's on a few medications that slow him down. Ginger said John's cum tasted pretty bad, probably because of what he eats. John said he's a vegetarian so he figured it should taste good. He said he does drink a lot of soda and iced tea and eats hot peppers so maybe that was why it was bad.
Ginger talked about how she only lets certain people pee on her and John wasn't one of them. She said that she has done it in her kitchen. Howard took a call from a woman who said she found John attractive. It turned out to be Yucko the Clown goofing on him. That got John yelling at him again and calling him a Robin Williams look alike. John bragged that he still has his ''rock star'' hair while Yucko has a bald spot.
Howard cut John off and got back to Ginger and said that John is a very lucky guy to have had sex with Ginger. Ginger said that she didn't have sex, she just blew him. John said that she and Ginger had an agreement and she wasn't supposed to say anything derogatory about him. He tried to walk out of the studio because he was so pissed but the guys tried to talk him into staying. Howard told him to get back on mic but he was wandering around trying to find the studio door.
John never walks out on an argument. Ginger apologized to him and said that there are only a few people who have cum that tastes good. Howard said this wasn't like John to walk out like that. Howard told Ginger to go kiss him or something to calm him down. John wouldn't talk to anyone and just went to a corner and stood there. Gary came in and let John walk out. Before that he didn't even know where the door was. Robin said they had him cornered before that and it was kind of funny.
Gary said he didn't know what was going on so he tried to get him on mic. He was walking the halls trying to find John. He found him and asked him what was going on. John said he's never getting involved with good looking porn actresses again because all of the good looking women are whores. He said he now knows that the good looking ones won't fuck him.
John was trying to say something about ''the cloud of ambiguity...'' but he had a hard time with the word. He said that Ginger is the symbol of every good looking woman on the face of this earth. Gary asked him to come back in the studio if he loves the show. John said he knows he's an ugly loser and he didn't want to come back on the show. He said that he hopes that Ginger dies. He's going to stop doing porn with good looking chicks just because Ginger doesn't want to have sex with him.
Gary told John that it's not Ginger's business to like him, it's her job to do stuff to him in porn. John told Howard that Beth likes him because he's better looking than he is. Howard said he doesn't know about that. John told Howard and the rest of the guys that he loves them but he made a mistake by doing porn because it just reiterates that he can't get a good looking chick unless she's paid.
Howard asked John what Ginger could do to make this up to him. He didn't want to come back in to see her ride the Sybian. He said he didn't want to pee or shit on her either. John was upset that she said he wasn't good looking and that she would never have sex with him.
A caller told Howard that John is right and the chick threw him under the bus by saying bad things about him. Ginger said she didn't slander him on the show or anything. She just said she didn't want to have sex with him. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told John that he's a very nice person and he shouldn't get so upset, he should lighten up.
Benjy told John that he's met good looking girls who have told him that they think John is good looking. Not all good looking girls think that he's ugly. Ginger said she really didn't want to offend John but he gave her a ''fuck you'' after she said that. Yucko the Clown called in again and fooled John into thinking he was on his side for a few seconds. John ended up yelling at him for a little while once again. John kept saying that he looks like Robin Williams but that wasn't really that much of an insult. Ginger said that she would actually bang Robin Williams.
Ginger said she wasn't looking to insult John, she just isn't sexually attracted to him. John said that he wants to get out of porn and now he wants to go home and kill himself. John said he's meant to be alone and he realizes that. He said he was just kidding about killing himself, he's not really going to do that. John was on the verge of tears and Howard told him not to go there because he really loves the guy. Ginger felt really bad about it as well. Howard told John he just wanted to promote his porn movie for him. That got Ginger crying when she saw that. John said ''well, fuck her'' when Howard told him she was crying.
Howard told John that he's had the same kind of life. He's been told he's not good looking and he knows he's not. He said all guys have been there at some point. He feels John's pain but he can't take it personally. John said that it's not just porn girls, it's all good looking girls who reject him.
Howard wanted to get Ginger on the Sybian but John was so against it that he was going to drop the whole idea. He told John that he considers him a friend and he will do what he can to help him out. John told him to go ahead and do what he wants with Ginger, he doesn't care. Howard told him he wants him to come in and sit in during Jon Anderson's visit. John said he would do that but he won't be in the studio with Ginger.
Howard asked Ginger to get on the Sybian. She got in a plug for the web site Clips4Sale.com before getting on the machine.
Ginger got on the Sybian and Gary started off the vibration down low. Howard had him run it up to 50 percent vibration. Ginger said it felt good and she could feel it in her ass. She started moaning a short time later. She said it was really good so Howard had Gary boost it up to 100 percent vibration. She was saying it was good and yelled out as she was getting off. She was saying ''oh my god'' quite a bit and being very vocal the whole time. She finished about 2 minutes into the ride.
Howard had Gary take her down slowly and said that was some ride. She tried to stand up but Gary had to have her take his arm. She said that was amazing and she has to get one of those things for herself. She said she wasn't just doing a performance either. John the Stutterer didn't have much to say about it because his mind was somewhere else. Robin said you have to see her body during that ride. Howard said her eyes rolled into the back of her head at one point. Gary said that she showed up on that thing in a bad mood but it felt so good that she changed her mood quickly.
Howard asked her if she could take another ride on the thing and get off again. Gary asked her if she had more than one orgasm. She said it was a build up of the orgasm that was amazing. She said the next one might be even more intense than the first. Howard had her give it another try. She went right over and tried it again. Gary ramped it up slowly and got her up to 100 percent a few seconds in. She had quite a ride but wanted it at more than 100 percent. She came even quicker that time but not quite as intense. Gary said he only had her at about 80 percent on the first ride, this time he had her at 100 percent and she wanted even more.
Howard thanked Ginger for coming in and wrapped up a short time later. He gave John a plug for his web site and Ginger got in another plug for hers. He had to go to break after letting a phone caller yell at John about being a big baby. Artie also told John that what makes his cum taste better is $500.
Jon was in to promote a rock and roll fantasy camp which Howard was kind of surprised at. He said he thought that Jon had a lot of money. Jon told Howard that he had to file for bankruptcy at one point in his career so things didn't go that well for him. He said he's not going to make a lot of money from this fantasy camp, it's the pleasure of helping people that he's getting from that.
Howard heard that Jon has a spiritual advisor who helps him communicate through the fourth dimension. He said it's actually a spiritual teacher who came from Honolulu, Hawaii. He said she was a little old lady who told him that God is free so that opened up the window right there. He was looking for confirmation that there was a god and that's what he got from that.
Howard read that Jon had seen the fourth dimension through meditation. Jon claims that there are 8 dimensions and they are slowly moving into the fourth thanks to lasers and computers. He said life is full of magical things. He's very much into the Lord of the Rings movies and books. Howard asked him if he still does acid and shrooms. Jon said he did enough acid back in the say but he still does shrooms about once a year. He told Howard he might actually like them. He told Howard that he was out fishing one time when he went out fishing and kept the worm out of the water for hours waiting for the fish to jump out and grab it.
Jon told Howard he really likes his new studio there at SIRIUS. Howard asked him about a note he read about him that said he broke his back years ago and it released some kind of enzyme into his body that allowed him to open up even more. Artie told a story about taking shrooms one time and how he was trying to fly at this concert he was at.
Robin asked what's going on with the band Yes. She's heard that the band isn't together right now. Jon wasn't talking much about the band but Artie let him know that one of the first lines of coke he did was off a Yes mirror. He swore that was true.
Howard asked Jon about this fantasy camp he's part of. He was also asking him about his wife but Jon just wanted to play some music so he started to play in the middle of the questioning. Howard was going to sing along with him too. He forgot that he was going to have John the Stutterer come in and sit in. John came in a short time later so Jon asked him to sing to him. John sang a little bit along with Jon but it kind of sucked so Howard had John sit down.
Howard started off the song by playing the opening to ''Roundabout.'' Jon took over and performed the rest of the song for the guys. Howard thought his own guitar playing at the start was amazing. He did let the audience know that he was playing so there wouldn't be any confusion.
John the Stutterer let Jon know that Yes is his favorite band and this cheered him up. He was trying to say some nice things to Jon but Fred had him stuttering like crazy again. John told Jon that he loves a couple of songs so Jon played a little bit of one but he forgot the lyrics.
Jon was telling the guys to check out the book ''Cunt: A Declaration of Independence Expanded and Updated Second Edition'' which seemed to catch Howard and Robin off guard a little bit. The word used to be a good word according to what Jon was saying.
Howard gave Jon a plug for this fantasy camp thing he's doing. He said you can check that out at RockAndRollFantasyCamp.com. They went to break after that.
Mark said that he gave up writing credits for ''American Band'' when the song was written and he's now kicking himself for that. He also told Howard about how the IRS came after him about something that was done 14 years before. He said the band had invested $100,000 in a tax shelter type of thing and the IRS came after them 14 years later and denied it. His portion of the money turned from $33,000 into over a million in those 14 years.
Howard said that Mark is part of this Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp that Jon Anderson was promoting earlier. He will be doing the fantasy camp out in Columbus, Ohio in September.
Kip Winger was there to play with Mark so Howard asked him what was up with the story about MTV and Beavis and Butt-Head. Kip said that the story about him calling MTV and complaining about Stewart, the geeky kid on the show, wearing a Winger shirt wasn't true. He said that Mike Judge must have made up the story.
Howard talked to Mark about his spiritual conversion and also about his thoughts on the war in Iraq. Mark said he thinks that our soldiers should only be dying in this country defending it, not going around the world to die out there.
Howard said he was looking forward to hearing Mark performing ''I'm Your Captain'' because he heard their rehearsal during the break. He had Mark and the guys perform the song a short time later. They performed a great (and long) version of the song.
Howard told the guys they did a nice job and they sound good together. Howard thought that Kip was doing a good job with the bass line in the back. He gave all of the guys a mention and then gave them a plug for the fantasy camp thing. He wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Howard had Fred play the Leslie West Beetlejuice Song that was done back at K-Rock as they were coming out of break. He said that the guys in Grand Funk told him he was great when he played guitar for Jon Anderson earlier in the show.
Howard said he spoke to John the Stutterer during the break and calmed him down from what went on earlier in the show. He said he told John not to let some porno chick get him down. He also got in a plug for a segment they're working on called a ''Ho-De-O'' where some women will be competing for a prize. He said that Sam Simon is working on a sitcom for Howard 101. He also mentioned the All Request Weekend they have coming up for Labor day where they will be playing classic clips from K-Rock. Cabbie is also doing a show on Howard 101 tonight so he got in a plug for that as well.
Steve mentioned the story they'll have about Henry Hill getting arrested. He said that Joey Buttafuoco had a Henry Hill sighting so that will be part of the story as well. Steve also mentioned the chess web site story and then wrapped up his show preview.
Howard said they've been very successful there at SIRIUS and they had 4.5 million subscribers the last they heard. He's heard that some people are wondering how many of those people will actually stay with their subscriptions. He said people are looking at any way to say that satellite is going to fail. The NAB is trying to make it impossible for people to enjoy satellite by trying to get more regulations passed for satellite.
Robin mentioned that Bubba had a Crutchfield catalog yesterday that had a picture of the new SIRIUS Stiletto portable unit in it. Howard said he read an article about it and the writer was getting chills just thinking about the unit. He read through that article for Robin and said that he thinks this will help make satellite even bigger than it is now.
Howard moved on to Jon Hein and had him give his Wrap Up Show preview. He talked to Jon about yesterday's show and how they're going to top that. Jon said they'll be talking about John the Stutterer's appearance on the show today and how he walked out on his interview. They'll also talk about Ginger's two rides on the Sybian. Howard thought she was very cute but Artie wasn't giving her the same love that Howard was. Robin picked up on that and asked him if he was as into her as Howard was. Artie gave her a 6 while Howard gave her an 8 and Fred an 8.5. Fred said her face was about a 6.5 because it had some road miles on it. Steve the Intern was in and said he thought she was an 8.
Howard had Fred give him some audio of the video that the Howard TV guys were playing. He wanted to hear her orgasm again so he listened in as she was finishing her first time. Artie said that was the best Sybian ride yet. Howard still gave her an 8. Jon Hein gave her a 7.5.
Jon mentioned that they'll be talking about Jon Anderson's appearance on the show. They'll also be talking about Mark Farner's appearance.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have a new thing on Howard TV called ''Best of Fred'' where they have some great moments from the show where Fred freaks out. The caller wants to see the Rainbow Room discussion on there eventually. Howard said they should put Fred's bag segment on there as well.
The caller said that Howard is almost like a psychic because he once predicted that Lance Bass from N'Sync was gay. He played a clip from 2002 where Howard said he questioned his sexuality because he was going to be flying into space at the time.
Howard had Steve the Intern in to give the Intern Show preview. He said they'll be learning about what it's like to work with Ralph from an intern that's been helping him out with the Friday Show and other things. Howard said he'll be tuned into that show like he is every week. It's on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Ralph called in since he heard his theme song being played during Steve's show preview. Ralph was back in New Jersey after staying out at Sam Simon's house in California for a little while. Ralph was telling some stories about the party that Sam threw out there and how great that was. He said there were strippers there who didn't get naked. The girls were sitting around sipping champagne instead.
Ralph said that John Stamos stopped by but he didn't stick around too long. Ralph said he didn't get laid but he did have ''a little fun'' at the party. Gary came in and told Howard that Ralph has been mentioned in some Page 69 stories lately. He was busted for ordering a really expensive lunch that Artie paid for, and he took home the food he didn't finish. Gary also said that Ralph was supposed to call in with reports from Sam's house but he never returned calls to the news department. Ralph said that he was busy out there.
Gary said he heard that Ralph was yelling at Sam's housekeeper because Sam had left him the keys for the Mercedes but he wanted the keys to his Bentley instead. Ralph said that wasn't true, he just liked where the car was parked in the driveway and didn't want it moved. Howard let him go after that and had Robin start her news.
Beth told Howard that Artie was great when he shot Casino Cinema yesterday. Artie said that it was the quickest taping he's ever seen. They do it really quick. Artie also said he lost money for some kid for the second time on that show.
Howard wanted to get the show over with so they could go tape ''My Bitter Half.'' Beth said she had a problem with the first scene because she has to beat up their dog. Howard and Robin told her that it's just acting, she's not going to beat up a real dog. Robin told her that if she's a method actor, they can get Benjy to be the dog she beats. Beth said she was rehearsing some of her lines this morning and Bianca actually came running in as she was saying ''Bad dog, bad Bianca...''
Gary told Howard that they needed Beth to come out and start recording because they are actually at work on that now. Howard talked about how he's been with Beth for 6 and a half years now. He said he is kind of bummed that he has to walk around with a woman who is hobbled with a fractured foot. He said it was embarrassing to walk into Rao's the other night with her in her cast. He had Robin get back to her news after that.
Howard started off the show talking about Cabbie. He said he didn't hear his show last night but he's gotten some feedback about Debbie Schlussel's show that aired on Monday night. He said the audience seems to be split 50/50. He read a couple of positive e-mails about her show and then read some negative e-mails. The fans either loved her or hated her. Some of the fans thought she was able to handle the goofy callers very well but others were calling her the C-word and telling Howard not to ever put her on the air again.
Howard was having some technical problems with his headphones. There was music playing down low so the guys thought it was Fred's computer causing the problem but Fred said he didn't have anything up. It turned out to be Artie's iPod running near his mic. Fred asked for an apology because Howard had gone off on him. Howard said that Fred is like the Ramsey's being blamed for something he didn't do. That led to the guys talking about how there was an arrest in the Jonbenet Ramsey case this week. Howard said he read that the guy knew details about the killing but his brother is telling the cops to DNA test him because they won't find his DNA.
Patsy Ramsey just died a few months ago and now there's an arrest in the case. A lot of people thought that Patsy and her husband were the ones who killed and covered up the story and they never lived that down. Now they have an arrest and she didn't live long enough to see that happen. The guys were talking about many of the details of the case and how that all played out years ago. Artie said he still thinks that it was the father and this guy has been wrongly accused. Howard said he still doesn't believe it either. Gary said he wants to know more about the story as well because he's not sure what to believe.
Howard got back to the Debbie Schlussel mail and read some more positive and negative feedback about her show. He also got an e-mail about Artie not being there on time on Monday morning. That person liked that he wasn't there. Craig Gass got some positive feedback about his appearance on Monday as well. Another person asked if Robin will get a military funeral since she served. Robin wasn't sure but Gary and Artie were pretty sure that she would be eligible.
Howard listened to another clip where a caller went off on Cabbie about how he sucks. The guy said he knows that Cabbie won't last on Howard's channel. Cabbie told the guy that he had an audition at another venue so he has other jobs he can do. Cabbie ended up screaming at the guy after he was told to kill himself. The caller had also told Cabbie he never would have lost his 80 pounds if he wasn't in jail. Howard said the guy might be right and Cabbie may just put all of those pounds back on. Artie said when he was in jail for 4 days he didn't eat, do drugs or drink so it is a good place to lose weight.
Cabbie was talking about masturbating and how he's done it so many times that he has clear liquid coming out when he finishes. He was saying that he breaks in every building that he goes to. He admitted to jerking off in the old K-Rock bathroom and even at SIRIUS. Howard said he heard that live and called into the show to tell him that was a little too much information for him.
Howard said he was ready to go to Gary's father's wake that was to run from 7-9pm. He got ready to leave at 5:30 and that's when Beth tripped and fell 6 stairs. She ripped the tendons in her foot when she fell so he quickly called Mike the Cop who was driving them, and took Beth to a hospital. He called Gary to let him know he was on his way if they got out of the hospital on time.
Gary came in and said that Howard was very supportive through this whole thing and he did apologize to him for not making it to the wake. He left a very sweet message for him and apologized to him for not being there for him. Howard said that Beth didn't finish in the hospital until about 7:30 and they were about an hour and a half away from the wake. He had to bring Beth home and settle her in so he couldn't leave her alone.
Howard said that Beth was writhing in pain that night so he really couldn't leave her along. He said that Chaunce going around saying that 14,000 people want to cancel is ridiculous and this story is horseshit. He wasn't at a polo match like they were claiming in the article.
Howard said he stayed in touch with Gary that night and let him know what was going on. He also kept in touch with Robin and Fred letting them know that Gary's father had died so he wasn't avoiding the wake. The wake was only 2 hours long as well so he only had that window to get over there. Gary said he was upset that a stranger was commenting on their relationship when they know nothing about it. That stuff should be between him and Howard.
Howard said the story is a complete fabrication and a lie and it's just Chaunce making up yet another story. Howard said he was almost feeling friendly toward Chaunce recently but now he's blown that. He was also saying that Rush and Malloy just put that story out there like it has some truth to it when it really doesn't.
Howard said that this is like breaking up with a chick who won't leave you alone and Chaunce is the ultimate chick. He wants him to just stop listening to the show and get on with his life. He was also commenting about the SternFanNetwork in the article and he's said that people on there have made death threats toward him so he's wondering why he'd continue to visit that site. He said that article distressed him a bit because it was so untrue.
Howard even said on the air the other day that he and Beth were rushing out of the house to get to the wake when she hurt her foot. They couldn't even get that part of the story right.
Howard mentioned that he's heard some strange things about Artie lately. They have a part for Dana in the sitcom and Howard thought they were going to get her to do it. Howard heard that someone else was going to play her part so he wanted to find out why she wasn't going to do it herself. Artie wanted Dana to play herself from what Howard heard but then he heard that Artie didn't want her to do it. Yesterday Howard asked Sam why Dana isn't doing her part. Sam said he heard from Artie that he didn't want her doing it.
Artie said that when this all came up Sam asked him if he wanted Dana to play the part. He claims he told Sam that he could do whatever he wants. He also told Sam that Dana may tend to clam up when she gets on the air so she may or may not be able to perform on mic. He said Sam asked him if they could get someone else to play her part and Artie said that would be fine. Then the last he heard they were trying to get this other actress to play the part. Artie said he spoke to Sam on the flight out from L.A. on Sunday night and told him that he would call Dana to ask her if she would play the part. Artie said he doesn't care either way.
Howard said that he doesn't want her to do it if Artie doesn't want her to do it. Artie said he'll call her during the first break and ask her to do it if they want. He also said that the person they were going to get to replace her would be great in the part though. Howard said he thinks it would be funny to have Dana actually play the part.
Howard said he went in and recorded his part for the sitcom and the script is very funny. Artie said he's read the script and it is very funny. 60 Minutes was there because they're doing a report about Sam Simon so they'll be covering this radio sitcom. Howard said he can't wait for people to hear this thing once it's done.
Artie said he did tell Sam that he thinks the famous person might be a better choice to play Dana. Howard said it's fine with him whatever Sam wants to do.
Howard asked Robin when she's doing her part. She said she's going in today to record her part. She said they're treating it like a real TV show too because they have actual catering for the staff. Artie said he worked on The Norm Show which was one of the lowest rated shows on TV and they even had Spago catering for them.
Howard said things got kind of crazy at the taping yesterday. His mother has a part and she was supposed to record that yesterday. Howard said she told him they were going to send a car for her and bring her into the city. He heard that and wanted to kill Tim Sabean because she only has like 4 lines. He thought it would be easier for them to send someone out to her house and record them there. She's 80 years old and it's not easy to get them into the city.
Howard asked Tim to get those lines recorded at their house and Tim said he would take care of it. Then yesterday he finds out that no one told his mother that they weren't coming to get her so she called and left a message for him where she was crying because they didn't pick her up. Howard played the message for Tim and told him that he disrespected him and his mother because he didn't bother to call her and let her know what was going on.
Howard said Tim should have called her first before doing anything else to let her know what was going on. Howard said his mother was very upset in the message so he called her and let her know what was going on. She was upset because they give her a hard time every time she does something with SIRIUS. She told him a story about getting picked up one time and how the driver thought he was picking up a package and how he didn't know where to let her off in the city.
Howard said that the 60 Minutes cameras were taping at the time when he found all of that stuff out and he started to go off on people. He caught himself and pretended that everything was okay. He later spoke to Tim and told him he can't screw up with his parents. He told him he can screw up with him as much as he wants but he can't do that to his parents. He said the new rule is to leave his mother out of everything there from now on. They screwed up a lot of stuff and he had to hear it from his mother ever since Sunday.
Artie said his mother is 60 and she has a hard time dealing with going into the city. He can't imagine what it would be like with an 80 year old. Artie said he once had a discussion with his mother about why she had to travel into the city to see a play. Artie said he had to tell her that's where they have Broadway plays.
Howard said it was quite a day yesterday. He said this thing that Sam has written is great though. He can't wait for people to hear it. He's hoping that he and everyone else are doing it justice. Howard said Sam was great at directing it and even let him ad-lib a bit. Artie said that some writers are really uptight about their lines being changed. He told a story about a guy who was doing a movie with Albert Brooks and Albert asked him if he was good at ad-libbing. When the guy said he had a lot of experience at that Brooks told him to stick to the script and not change anything.
Howard said that Ralph showed up yesterday and sat down to do his part. He told him to do the part as if he was calling him at home. Ralph told him that he was just seeing the script for the first time so he shouldn't be directing him. Artie said that there's still a dynamic going on between Jon Hein and Ralph that shows how annoyed Jon is with Ralph. He said Jon appeared to be seething about Ralph the other day when they were talking to him about something.
Howard said he got very angry with Tim yesterday and told him he was killing him with that screw up about his mother. Tim came in and told Howard he spoke to his mother last night and straightened things out. Tim said he took responsibility for it all and said it was a miscommunication. Robin said she was just feeling good about Tim again until he did this. Howard said he played the tape of his mother. Tim said he went home after that, turned off his phone and went to bed. He said he just laid in bed staring at the ceiling until 2 in the morning. Then he got up at 4 and left for work.
Tim said that they're trying to do so much there and something had to go wrong. He didn't know why that one thing went wrong because that was probably the worst thing to happen. Gary said that Tim has a lot of pressure on him because they have so many shows going on. Tim said there are issues with Bubba's show, Scott Ferrall's show, Cabbie, Riley Martin and so many other things. Gary said he sees Tim take a lot of crap. He said he feels really bad for Tim because generally he would make the call to Howard's mother but he was out last week so Jon Hein made the call.
Howard said that Jon may have told her that they were sending a script and she never got it. Gary said Jon called her and tried to explain what had happened but Mrs. Stern said that she had made the deal with him and she expected him to send that stuff to her. Howard said this whole thing screwed up his mother's whole day. His daughter wanted to go hang out with her but she had to take the whole day to prepare and go into the city.
Howard said that his mother complained about another time they went into the city to do Meet the Sterns and they missed a meal. They were told they would have food for them but there was nothing there. Howard said he started hearing about this week's trip on Sunday and she was going on and on about what happened the last time and everything that was supposed to happen.
Howard was explaining his mother's side of the story while doing an impression of his mother on the phone with him. He had his megaphone on and did his impression of her on that. Artie said he knows how Howard feels because he gets an earful from his mother as well.
Howard's mother Ray called in a short time later. She told Howard she may have overreacted a little bit. She said she was upset about what happened. She said she spoke to Tim last night and straightened things out. Howard said he couldn't sleep last night because of what had gone on. Ray said she was able to sleep just fine. She also told Howard she doesn't sound like his impression of her so he should stop with that. Howard's impression is just about spot on though so she was wrong about that.
Howard apologized to his mother about what had gone on. Ray said she had to cancel an appointment that was important to her. She said she started to feel bad for Tim last night after hearing his story. Howard said he was trying to make everything easy on her and that's how all of this happened. She said it was just a mistake and they should move on from there. Howard told her she had every right to be upset with what went on.
Howard asked his mother who he should fire. She said she doesn't want him to fire anyone. Tim got on mic and apologized once again. Ray said she spoke to Jon Hein and got very upset with him as well. She was promised a script and she never got that. Jon came in and said that they were in the middle of rewriting the script and they were supposed to FedEx it to her but it somehow fell through the cracks. Jon apologized to Ray for what happened and she apologized to him for getting so upset with him.
Howard said there's a new rule there. He said that from now on his parents are off limits, as if they had died. He said he will take care of talking to them from now on. No one is to contact them about doing anything for the show without going through him.
Howard asked his mother for her thoughts on the world situation right now. She said it's too dreadful for words right now and she just wants it all to stop. Howard told her that he's thinking of running for President and he would put a stop to the war in Iraq immediately if he became President.
Ray was saying that people are so full of stress that they can't concentrate on their jobs. She thinks that Tim should meditate and he'd be able to focus on his job better. Howard let his mother go after that. He wanted to play her the tape of her voice mail but he had to go make sure he had saved it. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said he tried to find Tim after that and he was nowhere to be found. He said he just had to play that for everyone. Artie said it was very simple, Tim just fucked up and it was as simple as that.
Howard had a new prank call to play that would cheer him up. Sal and Richard used audio clips from ODB's press conference to prank call a woman. They had him arguing with her and telling her to leave him alone. She went off on him telling him not to call her number anymore. Artie said they should video tape all of that stuff for Howard TV because he was in their office yesterday and he had no idea they were making that call because it looks like the guys are just working on their computers.
Artie made a prank call to a public access show in Sal and Richard's studio. Richard got it on video but it wasn't the regular Howard TV cameras. Howard played the call where the host of this public access show takes a call from some people knowing that he might just get pranked. The host takes a call from Richard who tells him he's got a big black cock that he might want to suck. Howard said Artie was sitting back there laughing his ass off the whole time.
The host was calling the guys the devil and going off on them for calling in. They got through on another line with some ODB clips. They had ODB telling the host not to mess with Dirt Dog and stuff like that. Then they called in with Blue Iris clips and then with some other audio clips from the show. Artie got through and said ''Can I tell you a quick story?'' as Johnny Fratto but they cut him right off.
The host thought that Howard was watching the show because of all of the calls he was getting. The guys continued to call in on every line and had the guy talking religion even though the show is supposed to be a sports show. Artie told Howard he should have the guy on the show because he is pretty interesting.
Gary said that Lisa was telling them out in the hall that ODB once called her at home and tried to get her to help him out by talking about his shoplifting charges. She said she used to get calls from a lot of guys like that. Flavor Flav used to call her at 2 in the morning. She used to work with him though so that's why he had her number.
Howard said he read that Wendy Williams is working on making a movie and they're going to call it ''Queen of All Media.'' He doesn't get why she would want to do something that is derivative of something Howard Stern created. He found that kind of odd and it's almost like she wants to be associated with him in some way.
Howard also heard that Mancow is now calling himself the King of All Free Media. He doesn't get that either because if he's supposed to be new and fresh, why would he use something that Howard Stern has used in the past. It's almost like he's admitting that he's not original. Howard started to use the King of All Media thing as a joke, knowing that it would be taken seriously eventually.
Howard thought that Wendy Williams was charging people to audition for her movie but he wasn't quite sure about the details. He found the John Mainelli New York Post article and read how they were charging people to audition for the movie. They were charging people $20 to audition. Artie wondered why she didn't just call her movie ''Wendy Williams Private Parts.''
Howard said that for her own self respect Wendy should call herself something other than Queen of all Media. He was trying to give her some career advice. A phone caller told Howard that Wendy used to support him back when people were making fun of the whole King of all Media name. Howard still thinks that she should use a different name.
Lisa said that Richard Christy has a new publicity photo that they'll be talking about. Fred was laughing because he saw the picture and thought it was kind of goofy. Howard said he was kind of impressed at how classy it looked. Fred thought it was ridiculous for him to pose the way he was posing in the shot. He said that's not Richard in that shot. Artie said Richard came to him for some advice and one of the things he told him was to get a good head shot. He suggested this guy Peter Hurley and he's the one who took this great shot. Howard, Robin and Artie were all talking about using that guy for their head shots as well.
Lisa asked Howard if he had heard the Andy Dick tape from back stage where he asked a reporter for some good press. Howard had the audio so he started to play it and said he didn't think Andy sounded drunk in the clip. Joe Francis was also in the room rambling a bit. Andy was begging for a nice article and Howard thought he sounded like he might be drunk but he also sounds like that all the time.
Artie said that Andy and Joe Francis were hanging out that night and he has no idea what they might have been doing. He said Joe was with a smoking hot chick but he was in and out of Andy's dressing room all night. Howard played more of the Andy Dick audio where Andy was asking the reporter if she wanted him to fuck her or if she wanted to fuck him.
Howard said he loves conversations when people are high. He played another clip where Andy was asked about licking people at the William Shatner roast. Andy was explaining himself but not making much sense. Then he asked the reporter if she wanted her face licked or her cunt licked. Joe Francis was in the background saying his name over and over again throughout the interview. The guys said they have to get Andy in there to talk about all of that.
Lisa asked Howard if he heard the pee part of the tape. Howard said he didn't have that so Gary told him that Jason listened to it and said you can't hear anything anyway so he didn't pull the clip. Gary also said it's crazy out in the halls because The Bloodhound Gang and Mary Carey are there.
Lisa did a few more promos for stories they'll be covering today. Jeff the Drunk has a hearing this week about his DUI charge. It was postponed last week because his attorney was apparently in rehab. Lisa also said that Sal is maxed out on his credit cards and he's having other people book flights for him and things like that. Lisa also got in a plug for tonight's Superfan Roundtable that airs at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard asked Artie if they should listen to his set from the William Shatner roast. He told Howard about some of the stuff that went on with that so Howard asked the guys where the clip was. He found that and played Jason Alexander's intro. Artie goofed on Jason about his career on Seinfeld where he did a show about nothing... and then moving on to actually doing nothing. Then he joked about Carrie Fisher but Carrie was in the bathroom at the time. He said it would have been great because she later told him she would have given him the finger on camera if she was in her seat.
Artie got in a mention of the Howard Stern Show when he brought up George Takei. He threw in some gay jokes about him and Andy Dick. He got in some jokes about Lisa Lampanelli, Jeffry Ross, Kevin Pollak, Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla. Artie threw in another line about the Stern Show but Howard thinks they'll cut that out. Then Artie got into his William Shatner roast. He got in a bunch of jokes and said something mean to Farah Fawcett. He said that she used to be married to the $6 million dollar man, now that's the amount of money she would have to pay him to bang her. That was pretty brutal but that's the joke that the newspapers were saying was one of his best.
Howard asked Artie if he ever thought he'd be goofing on Farah Fawcett's looks some day. Artie said he never imagined that. Artie said he's not sure how they'll cut that and he's hoping that they keep in the mentions of the Stern Show. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Mary Carey came in and Howard told her she looks good since losing a lot of weight. He wanted to see her body now that she's thinned down a bit. He said she now looks kind of like Mariah Carey. She didn't sound so thrilled about that. The Bloodhound Gang (Jimmy Pop and Evil Jared) said that Mary was drinking some Jagermeister out in the green room.
Mary was telling Howard about what she's been up to lately but Howard interrupted her and said that she looks really good now. She told Howard she got off of birth control and started smoking cigarettes, that's how she lost weight. He asked her if she's doing coke too. She said she used to do that but not anymore. Mary told Howard she was on birth control from the age of 16 to 25 and once she quit that she lost the weight within a month. Howard said that it's quite a transformation.
Mark the Bagger was there so Howard tried to talk to him but Mary interrupted and started rambling. Howard asked Mark if he thinks Mary would do him. Mark said he'd like her as his birthday gift. Howard asked Mary if she would get naked for them. She said she would do that but she ended up talking about her parents instead. Mary said her mother was traumatized by her appearance on the show years ago.
Howard had to cut her off and asked her to talk about how she got in touch with her father who hadn't seen her since she was 7 years old. Mary said her father had Cerebral Palsey and she had to speak to him through her aunt or something like that. Howard cut her off and told her to get naked. She took her clothes off and the guys were going a little nuts. Mark the Bagger said she was hot. The guys asked Mary if she would let Mark lick her arm pit. She hadn't shaved in a few days from what Gary could tell. She didn't want to let Mark in there though.
Howard told Mary to take her panties off since they were still on. She did that for them. She kept bringing up her abortions and how she gets a shot in her ass and puts three pills up her vagina to get rid of the babies. She was claiming they weren't really abortions though. She told the same story at least 3 times.
Howard asked Mary to take a ride on the Sybian. She wanted more Jaeger to drink but Gary told her she could have it after the ride. Mary went over to the Sybian but Richard came in and told Howard that Mary took a diuretics shit before she came in. Mary said she had taken some laxatives and she had to go before she came in. Howard told her to get on the Sybian because she was getting distracted by all of the guys. She was very attracted to Will so she kept her eyes on him as she rode the Sybian.
Howard had Gary turn up the Sybian quite a bit as Mary was moaning and calling out Will's name. After a short ride on the machine she said she was going to cum and finished up a short time later. Howard said he wasn't sure if it was real or not. None of the other guys thought it was real. Even Mark the Bagger thought she was faking it. Howard wanted her to do it for real and no pretend to be getting off.
Mary got back on the Sybian after Howard told her to let it just happen. He said if she's not feeling it then she shouldn't pretend. She started to call out Will's name again so Howard asked her to stop with that. Mary took the thing for another ride and moaned as she was trying to get off. Robin didn't think she was feeling a thing. Howard told Gary to turn it down but he kept it going. She was a little quiet and said she was exhausted after that.
Howard said that Mary is going to run for Governor of California again so he asked her about that. She was very drunk and Howard was trying to find out what she knows about the state. They ended up asking both Mary and Mark what 16+16 was. Mark answered 40 and Mary came up with 46. The guys from the Bloodhound Gang asked what cows drink and Mark said milk, Mary answered the same. The guys told them that they drink water.
The guys continued to ask Mary and Mark general knowledge questions and Mary was having some trouble with some of the answers. She did know that today was Thursday though.
Howard thanked Mary for coming in and gave her a plug for an appearance she's making at Scandal's in New York tomorrow night. He asked Mark what he would do if he could be alone in a room with Mary. He said he would lick her pussy. Mary was professing her love for Will and saying she thinks he's the ''cutest boy on Earth.'' She was cursing like crazy and talking about how glad she was that she could do that on the air now.
The Bloodhound Gang were asking Mary if she would pee in their hands for $300. She sounded kind of interested but Howard wrapped up with her and let her go before that could happen.
Howard said he just learned that Mark is actually higher up on the employment ladder at the grocery store than his mother is. He bags groceries at the store while his mother is hidden in the back of the store somewhere bagging groceries. Robin asked Mark what people use most, paper or plastic. Mark said most people use both paper and plastic together.
Gary told Howard that The Bloodhound Gang were performing over in Holland and had 30,000 people chanting ''Sal is a Homo.'' Howard had the audio so he played that and it was pretty funny. Gary said that Sal came up to him earlier and told him he wasn't thrilled about them playing that. They did some other stuff based on the show but the audio wasn't up on Howard's page to play. Sal came in and said that some of their stuff was pretty funny and having 30,000 people yelling that you're a fag is always great.
Jimmy Pop was telling Howard about how they do when they're out on tour. He said they don't really make a lot of money out on the road. Howard read some notes about Jared and how he recently shit in his hand and wiped it on Jimmy's head and stomach. Jimmy said that Jared has threatened to piss on his head when he plays some Depesche Mode song on stage but it's just an act. Jared said Jimmy is supposed to play the part of the flaming homosexual while he's playing the homophobe.
The guys said they actually take a lot of time to prepare for their shows they do over in Europe and around the world. They don't think their music is all that great so they put on a whole show. Howard asked Jared about the time he shit on Jimmy. Jared said he was supposed to pee on him but he wasn't able to pee and figured that shitting in his hand would be funnier. He did that and wiped it on Jimmy's head and chest.
Howard asked the guys if they have ever done anything gay with each other. They said they haven't but they have shared a chick. Howard asked Mark if he would ever let them do anything like that to him. Mark said he wouldn't do it and they'd have to talk to his agent about that stuff.
High Pitch Eric called in so Mark challenged him to a wrestling match. Eric weighs 350 pounds and Mark is about 100 so Howard didn't think that would go over very well. Eric asked Mark what he was doing this weekend. Mark said he has a date. Jimmy told Mark he could probably take him and he was willing to put up $100 on him. Howard said he'd put up $500.
Howard said it's always great to see The Bloodhound Gang. He was going to tell some more stories about what they've been up to but they were asking him for another chance at doing a radio show. They said that Tim Sabean hates them so he probably won't give them another show. Jimmy said they brought along some advertisers to cover their show and the advertising department never called them back. Tim came in and said that they did call them back and they were planning on having the guys back to do another show.
Jared said they were going to do a show where they had a woman douche with the ingredients of a Long Island Iced tea and then have a few guys drink it. They're also working on getting an interview with Lance Bass.
Jimmy told Howard to listen to the clip of Mark the Bagger doing his impression of Riley Martin. They had him record some of his stuff word for word. Howard listened to that and thought it was pretty good. Jimmy had Howard playing a few clips from their CD. They had people in different countries saying ''Artie, why would you let a guy spooge on your bacon bits?'' in their native languages. Howard played a bunch of those and then wrapped up with them and Mark the Bagger.
Howard gave Mark the Bagger a plug for his web site but Mark has no idea what goes on there. Howard said you can book Mark for appearances by e-mailing Anthony@bloodhoundgang.com. Mark also said that he has an e-mail address at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Jimmy told Howard that Anthony once walked in on Mark masturbating in the living room of his mother's house. Mark said that his mother has actually caught him jerking off at home. He said he was naked at the time and he was on the web looking at porn. Mark said he finishes on the chair and on his curtains. He said he was checking out some lesbian chicks and some pregnant chicks online that time he was caught jerking off.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and said he heard that Mark used to be known as Wawa Mark because he would stand outside of Wawa convenience stores and beg for money. Mark said that was true. Jimmy said he also used to be known as Mark from the Park because he used to sit in the park and watch little kids.
Howard heard that Mark got in trouble with the mayor of his town when he admitted to having a gay experience. Mark said his mother chewed him out for that after the Mayor called her. Mark said he's not gay anymore and he's back to being straight. Howard told Mark the government can't tell him what he can and can't do in his sexual life.
Howard asked Mark about his blow job techniques. The guys gave him a banana to demonstrate on but Howard ended up cutting them off. Robin noticed that Mark was shaking his head and talking to himself. Howard asked him what was up with that. Mark said that he found this girl he used to hang out with in high school and now she wants to meet all of these guys. Howard said it seems that she's looking to meet all of these guys by going through him. Mark said that this chick is the manager of a band and she's looking to surprise the band by having them meet the Bloodhound Gang. Jared said they'll meet with anyone if she bangs Mark.
Jimmy asked Robin why she never ages because she looks only 31 years old. Howard told the guys they're great at sweet talking people. Howard seemed to be trying to wrap up the interview but Mark was trying to get him to bring his agent in to meet Howard. Howard had the guys bring in Mark's manager Anthony. Anthony said that a lot of people try to take advantage of him and he tries to help him out.
Howard spent a minute talking to Anthony and then asked Mark if he wanted to take a ride on the Sybian. Mark was willing to do it so he went right over and took his shorts off so he could feel the vibes better. Gary started up the machine and turned it up to full speed. Mark sat on it for a short time but not much was happening so Howard had Gary shut it down. He gave the guys a plug for their web site BloodhoundGangRadioShow.com. The guys suggested getting Mary Carey on the Sybian but Will came in and said that she had already left. Howard went to break after that.
Jeff the Drunk was on the phone so Howard asked him about his court hearing. Jeff said he's got to go in for his DUI charge. He may lose his license for 6 months. He said he showed up for court last week and told the judge that his lawyer was in rehab so he was told to get a public defender. Jeff said he had to go do that and was told that he couldn't be there this month, he can't be there until next month. Howard asked Jeff if he was told that it's going to be tough to get off a DUI charge when his name is Jeff the Drunk. Artie said that it's actually short for ''Jeff the Drunk Driver.''
Artie said he was lucky because when he got arrested on the drug charges, he had some money from working on TV and got a good lawyer to defend him. He told Jeff that a public defender probably won't help him out.
Jeff said he was at a Lynrd Skynrd concert and some hot chick asked him if Artie had gotten him the movie fliers yet. Artie said he's basically giving him the money as charity and the fliers he wants him to pass out aren't even necessary.
Artie told Cabbie that he was filling in for a sports guy like Scott Ferrall and he just can't talk about sports if he's not an expert. He told him he should just be himself and not try to be a sports guy. Artie said he would never try to host a sports show himself because he's not an expert even though he knows a lot about sports.
Cabbie said he mixed it up on his show, he had a Penthouse Pet on the show as well as the race car drivers. He said it wasn't all about sports. He and Artie were going back and forth about that stuff. Cabbie was bragging that he knows more about sports in general than Artie does. He said he knows about bass fishing so Artie cut him off and told him to stick to baseball, basketball and football because he's in America.
Cabbie said he would like to box Artie after all of this. Artie said he knows that Stuttering John beat his ass and so did Angry Black. Cabbie said he didn't get his ass beat, he said that John held his head 41 times. Howard cut him off and let him go so he could move on.
Jon Hein came in and told the guys what they'll be talking about on today's Wrap Up Show. He mentioned Mary Carey, the Bloodhound Gang and a few other things that went on during the show.
Howard had Mutt from the Superfan Roundtable on the phone to talk about what he had coming up on the show tonight. They'll be doing their show from the fishbowl there at SIRIUS from the middle of a Heineken party that's going to be going on. Mutt said they'll be talking about a lot of stuff on tonight's Roundtable that airs at 7pm on Howard 101.
Mutt said that the big topic on SFN right now is the Chaunce Hayden story which is a bunch of bullshit. He said that the thread they were talking about in that article was about 275 people going back and forth and the people threatening to cancel their subscriptions were obviously O&A fans who were using their little code words. Howard said he's been avoiding SFN lately and he's proud that he hasn't gone on there in a couple of weeks. Artie said he got them pissed off at him over at SFN because he didn't give the guy credit who gave him the joke he used at the Shatner roast. He said he will be giving the winner a prize though.
Howard had Mike get to his gossip game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard played a prank call that the guys made using Mike Walker clips where he just keeps repeating ''Hello'' over and over again. Gary came in and told Howard they have a brand new one to play as well. In that call Richard puts his dad (Mike Walker audio clips) on the phone with an adult book store owner. Then he plays audio of Mike moaning, playing bongo and farting. Richard had Mike saying that he's homo-erotic and making comments that made the guy think he was hitting on him. The guy ended up hanging up on him twice.
Howard said that call was brilliant and it was Richard and Sal who put it together. He let Mike go a short time later.
Howard said Doug won't take this seriously because he thinks he's just making a joke about what happened. Howard asked Mike if Doug is moving today like someone just told him. Mike swore he didn't know what Doug was up to. Gary told Howard that Doug was on the phone.
Doug said he gave him the note 2 days ago and he's not in charge of clearing off the old stuff from his console. Howard told him not to leave stuff like that laying around on his console if it's old. Doug said he sees the problem and he won't let it happen again. Doug told Howard he's moving tomorrow so he was back at his apartment finishing packing. He's going back to the office after that.
Howard told Doug to do him a favor and change the promos every day and get rid of the old ones. He said he needs his help there and he's all for it. He hung up on Doug and finished off the promo he had laying there.
Howard let Jeff go and asked Artie how he got roped into all of that. Artie isn't sure and now he's thinking that he shouldn't send him the money at all. Howard asked him how much he's going to give him. Artie said he'll be sending him $600. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
The kid was saying that he wants to do a sports show and while he was saying that he used ''uh'' again so Howard cut him off. Howard had his father Ben on the phone a short time later so he let him give the kid some advice. Ben told him about the ''Uh, uh, uh'' stuff and how he tried to get him to stop with that. Ben was having some trouble with his voice and had to clear the frog out of his throat.
Howard said his father also told him not to do the goofy show he was doing on college radio but that's what his show ended up being so he was kind of wrong about that. Ben said he told him he has to be funny when he's doing a goofy show like that, he wasn't telling him not to do that type of show. Ben always liked the interviews that Howard did with people. That's what he felt Howard did best.
Robin said it appears that Ben was very supportive of his career but Howard said he was pretty hard on him back then. Howard said that this 14 year old might want to move into his parents house and let them handle him for a while. The 14 year old said he thinks he has talent and he just wants a chance at doing a show.
Howard told the 14 year old that he needs to have some interesting content, not just a good voice. The kid was asking to be a show regular but Howard told him that he wasn't hearing anything all that interesting this morning. Howard asked Paul what he would say if he was asked about what's going on over in Israel. Paul said he doesn't follow politics that much so Howard gave him the buzzer. Ben told him that even if he doesn't know about it, he should give an answer even if it's not right.
Artie tried to get something going on so he asked Paul about the New Orleans Saints since the kid lives down there. He asked the kid a question about the team and the kid had a decent answer but Howard was bored with his delivery. Artie agreed with Howard and said his answer was good but his delivery was kind of dull. Howard thanked his father for calling in and wrapped up the segment. Paul is only 14 so he has time to work on the delivery.
Artie said the chick put on some music that sounded kind of like that shit JD likes to listen to. He said it was kind of nuts. He had to ask her to turn the lights up more than they were. He said he likes to see the girl in the light when he's banging them so he had her do that. She ended up giving him a massage and she was horrible at that. He had his shirt on the whole time so she had to go over the shirt.
Artie said that a minute into that he just turned over and asked her to work on the front. She proceeded to roll up his shirt and started to massage his inner thigh. He said she had a nice tight ass so he was looking at that and coming up with scenarios. He did all of this after shooting a day on the set of ''Dirty Work'' so his underwear were all crumpled up. He said he eventually got aroused while she was rubbing his inner thigh.
After he got hard the woman leaned on top of him and asked him if he wanted her to finish him off. She made sure he was happy and then started to give him a hand job. She did it over the underwear for a short time, then she pulled them down to his knees. She rubbed her hands together and then grabbed his dick and off she went. He said she was really good at her job and did some hand moves on him that turned him on. He shot a load and got a little on her blue shirt. He said it didn't take long and when he was done she said ''Ahhhhh!''
Artie said after he was done he didn't think the whole thing was really worth it. She handed him a towel and he wiped himself down and gave her a $20 tip, put his jacket on and left. Gary came in and gave Howard a still from Dirty Work to show him how he looked back then.
Shuli came in and told a quick story about his own massage. He was sent to the back room of this place and had a woman who was huge, like a linebacker. She was going to walk on his back and ended up breaking one of his ribs. Shuli said he couldn't breathe after the rib crack so he didn't stick around for a happy ending. Howard said he was sorry for that story and he was sorry that Shuli even brought it in for them. Robin got back to her news once again after that.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard was off today so Jon Hein, Gary Dell'Abate and Ralph Cirella were sitting in doing the Friday Show. Jon started off the show talking to the guys about the Heineken party that went on last night at SIRIUS. The guys talked about the party and about going on the Superfan Roundtable. Gary said Lori was on the show wearing something outrageous and looked great. Ralph said he took her home last night and had to guard her on the train because she was dressed so sexy.
Richard said he took home about a dozen Heinekens when he left the party because it looked like they were going to throw some of the stuff out. He said his party continued when he got home to his apartment.
Jon moved on and said that there's some controversy about the opening song, a lot of people don't like it. They've been using ''Everybody's Working For The Weekend'' as the closing song and last week Mike Reno from Loverboy stopped by and recorded something for them to play. Jon played the song which could be their replacement song for the opening of the Friday Show. He sang about ''Everybody's Listening To The Friday Show'' to the tune of the closing song.
Jon asked the guys what they thought about the song. Ralph thought it could be mixed better. Richard said the guy is a fan of the show but he did have to write the lines for him. Richard wrote him lines about the hosts of the show who may be known as ''The Nerd The Ape and the Fag'' from now on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's a big fan of Loverboy. The guys talked about that for a minute and took another call from a guy who kind of liked the song but he thinks they should work it into the rest of the show and not make it the opening. Joey Boots also called in and said that it was kind of gay and they should keep the Madison opening song instead.
Ralph said he was talking to Gary about stuff after that and realized that he was talking about himself so that was kind of weird. Gary said he went to see a concert that night and caught some shit from some people because of that. Gary said his father was sick for a while and it wasn't a shock to him really.
Jon played a clip of Gary talking about his parent's relationship and how they had gotten divorced and then got back together again years later.
Gary said his parents bickered a lot in their relationship but they didn't hate each other or anything. Jon went on to play another clip where Gary talked about Artie showing up at the wake and going right up to the casket and giving a little prayer for his father.
Gary and the guys talked about Artie showing up at the wake and the huge sign of the cross he made. Richard said he was kind of confused because he didn't know if he was supposed to go up next and do the same thing that he had just done. Gary said the next day was even funnier because a lot of non-Catholics didn't know if they should take communion or not.
Gary said that Mark wasn't originally booked for the show that day because they thought he might be putting on that personality. He turned out to be the eventual champion for that Wack Pack competition. Artie laughed his ass off through Mark's whole interview.
Jon wondered if Mark would have won if Artie hadn't laughed through the whole interview. Gary said he liked Toby and he thinks Artie made Mark's appearance. Ralph said he didn't like Toby that much. Jon played some audio from Toby's interview and Artie was laughing during that interview as well.
Gary said that Toby was a little too polished for the show as far as he was concerned. Jon said he kind of felt the same way about Toby and thought that Big Foot hit it out of the park when he was on. Gary said he liked when Big Foot told them about his gay sex experience when he was in jail. Richard said that Mark is a smelly guy and he had one of the smelliest ears he's ever smelled. They had to whisper in his ear while having him doing prank calls so that's how he knows.
A phone caller said he hasn't laughed so hard as when he heard Artie laughing at Big Foot Mark. They spent a minute on that before Jon moved on.
After that clip Jon said he didn't know what to say. Gary said he's freaked out by the whole breast feeding thing himself. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Richard if he'll ever get tired of those sounds. Richard said he has hundreds of audio clips of Mike to use for stuff like that. Gary said he was taking some guys on a tour of the studio and they had Richard playing the Mike Walker fart sounds and stuff like that. It was like discovering gold the time he found the fart that Mike ripped.
In the audio clip Gary tells Howard about putting together a trivia contest for the staff. After playing that clip Jon played some of the audio from the trivia challenge where Sal was accused of cheating for the first time. Jon talked to Sal about that and how it was just the first time he was accused of cheating. He played another clip from the end of the game where Sal was accused of cheating again when he didn't write down the complete answer to the final question.
After that Jon asked Sal if he cheated or not. Sal said he didn't cheat but he's glad everyone got a kick out of ribbing him during that segment. Gary said he knows that Sal cheated because he wasn't bitching and moaning after the game because he had lost. Sal said he's been trying to keep himself composed on the show lately. He said he really did need that money but he can live with it.
Ralph said that he was surprised that they did as bad as they did on the show. They didn't seem like they were superfans after the game. Gary said he's thinking that it should be him and Ralph against anyone who thinks they can beat them with the trivia. Ralph said he didn't know every one of those questions, but he got just about every one.
A phone caller said that Sal was thrown a bone earlier in that game because he had said a name wrong. Gary said he got the name wrong completely. Sal should have known the answer to that particular question because they had played an audio clip from WNBC the Friday before they had this trivia challenge.
Sal was eating while they were talking to him about that stuff so Gary asked him why he would do that while they're on the air. Richard said that Sal did something weird because he pulled his penis out and started wacking the paper where there was a picture of Fantasia Barino. Sal said it was just the tip of his penis, not the whole thing.
Gary said that bit didn't work for him. Ralph agreed and said he only laughed once. Jon said he didn't think it worked that well either so he asked Richard what he thought. Richard said it was alright but not all that great. Jon took a call from a guy who said that he didn't think it worked that well either. That caller also asked Gary if he thought that Howard should have hit the delay on Cabbie back when he mentioned he didn't pay his taxes years ago. Gary said he didn't think that was something Howard should have done and Cabbie knew he was on the air and he's a grown man so he should have known what he was doing.
Jon asked Sal and Richard if they had any other rejected bits to play. Sal said they made a commercial parody about scat videos since Howard had brought them up on the air one day. Sal said Howard was probably right because they went back and listened to the bit after Howard rejected it and thought he was right to reject it. They played the bit where they did a ''Scat Party Number 2'' thing like it was a record from K-Tel records. Ralph said it would sound kind of out of place on Howard's show. Jon took some phone calls and let some guys talk about what they had just heard.
One phone caller said he caught his wife masturbating to Richard on Howard TV the other night. Richard said that was kind of a surprise and wondered if she was blind or something. The guy said his wife doesn't even know that he caught her doing it yet. Richard said he thought he was the only one who masturbated to his image because he used to do it while looking at himself in the mirror when he was living down in Florida. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to the next segment which was Caller of the Week. He said that this week's caller of the week is this guy Pete who has a unique relationship with his mother. He's supposed to come on the show soon with his mother. Gary was going to talk about that but he wanted Jon to play the clip first.
Pete agreed to get his mother in there to ride the Sybian during that call. Gary said that Pete and his mother were at the party last night and the mother was making some odd comments there. Ralph said she was missing some teeth and asking him questions like ''Why do you look like Howard?'' He said he wanted to ask her why she looks like a witch. Gary said they will be on the show on Monday next week.
Jon asked Gary if he knew who Howard was working with back then. Gary said Fred wasn't out there but Howard would call him and have him do impressions over the phone for him. The guys talked about how much Howard enjoyed calling people overseas. They used to call England quite a bit because they're 6 hours ahead of the time there in New York.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard sounds much more comfortable back in Detroit than he did at WNBC. Gary said they should talk to Howard about that on the regular show because NBC was a place where they wanted him to be high energy and he may have been putting on more of a voice than he was at these other places. Gary said Robin's voice has pretty much remained the same over the years while Howard's changes quite a bit.
After playing that clip the guys spent a few minutes talking about the appearance and how Cuba seemed to be shot out of a cannon that day. The guys talked about the way Cuba was cursing but no doing it just to curse. He was having a real conversation like people do in real life. Jon said that people do tend to come on the show and forget that they're on the air. They also don't have a big microphone in their face reminding them that they're on radio. Jon and to go to break a short time later.
The band wasn't quite prepared to perform that morning, they just had a guitar and a keyboard thrown at them. Jon played another clip from WNBC when Howard played along with Frank Zappa in the studio. They played ''Louie Louie'' but Frank didn't seem to be all that into performing.
Jon had another clip from when Jethro Tull appeared on Howard's K-Rock show. Howard didn't play along with that one. Ralph said that's not his kind of music so it didn't do anything for him. Gary thought it sounded great because Howard wasn't singing along or playing an instrument.
Jon took some phone calls and one guy said his nipples were hard after hearing that performance. Another guy said that he liked when Foo Fighters was on and performed ''Everlong'' live on the air. Gary said he's pretty sure that will show up on the all request weekend on Labor Day. Sal said that version of the song was so good that it became a big hit and wondered if they were compensated for that. Gary said he thinks they recorded another version of it and put it on a B-side. He said Dave didn't want to do that song that morning but Howard kind of insisted and the song ended up being so great that it was picked up and played in rotation on K-Rock.
The guys talked about some of their other favorite performances from the show. Ralph liked a lot of the Foo Fighters performances. They mentioned a ton of other bands that played there over the years and how great they were. Ralph mentioned Motley Crue but Gary said they sounded horrible that day.
Gary told a story about Bon Jovi getting called up on stage at Club Bene when Howard was doing shows there. They weren't prepared for it and didn't do that well that night. They played that clip on the show quite a bit during the feud that Howard had with them. Gary said that when they ended the feud one of the stipulations was that they would stop playing that version of the song on the show. Jon played the clip after Gary explained all of that. It really was pretty bad. Gary pointed out that the mix on it was awful. Howard was singing along with them as well. Robin was screaming out like it was the greatest thing she'd ever heard.
Gary said that his memory of it was that they sucked but they really didn't. It was just their mix being awful. Ralph said that Howard was also singing in there and ruining it as well. Gary said that the band has been on many times and they've proven that they're great musicians. The guys wondered if Scott the Engineer was the guy mixing the audio there at Club Bene. Scott said he wasn't there but hit sounded like they had it mixed wrong and had a microphone right up at the speaker as well. Scott was the guy who found that gem of a song while going through old tapes.
Gary said Scott has pulled a lot of songs from the classic tapes. Scott said there are over 200 so far and there are more to come. That led to Jon playing a clip of Gary telling a story about going to Scores with a guy from the Sex Pistols. After that quick clip Richard played Clif Palette singing along to a Bon Jovi song and then playing the Dave Grohl acoustic version of ''Everlong'' that they were talking about earlier.
The guys spent a minute talking about some of the stuff that Erica had just talked about. Jon then moved on and played an audio clip from when Howard played an audio clip of High Pitch Mike talking to Michael Douglas about Howard Stern. It was a quick clip that the guys whipped through.
Jon had some classic audio from the 1983 Easter Seals telethon. Howard appeared on that show so Gary tried to give some details about what had gone on back then and how WNBC probably told him to do the telethon to get some publicity for himself. He was the local New York guy for the national telethon so they would throw it to him once in a while.
Jon played the clip that was actually a few clips from that telethon thrown together. Howard was begging for money at one point and asking about how he looked in his tux. Howard also talked about how his wife had their child tested for Spina Bifida and they were lucky that their child didn't have it but other people might. Howard showed a wheelchair at one point and then complained about his feet hurting him after pointing out the chair.
Jackie the Joke Man was sitting at a phone bank during that clip and looking miserable according to Jon. Ralph said Howard didn't have his look going yet back then so he looked kind of odd.
Jon played the clip and Howard was complaining about doing mornings already. He was feeling sick and saying that he already had some imbeciles calling in. Jackie the Joke Man was there doing the show with them and Howard talked about how he insisted that they hire him before he would agree to do the show.
Howard was goofing on callers who called in because he was so out of it. He tried calling Imus at one point to goof on him. Imus was busy doing the news so they didn't want to take his phone call. Howard said they were all shaking in their pants at NBC because their worst nightmare was back. He tried to get him again a little later and figured if they didn't put him on the air then he knew that they were afraid of him.
Jon came out of the bit and asked Gary if they knew the guy they were trying to talk to on the phone. Gary said they knew the guy but he figured they just didn't want to talk to them even though they were going to before the call was actually made.
Gary talked about the stuff that Jackie was doing that morning. He was doing 3 days a week at one point and eventually just started coming in every day. He said he remembers Jackie insisting that he get money for parking instead of just asking for more money in his salary.
Jon wondered if they thought Howard's voice was back to normal there or if it was all over the place. The guys thought it was kind of in limbo between the goofy NBC voice and the voice he has now. A phone caller brought up some shows that Howard and the guys used to do at some clubs. Gary told some stories about those shows that got out of hand on occasion. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said he never heard what happened after that and he's not sure if Artie ever had that meeting. Jon mentioned that Artie has talked about how he's been getting some good reviews of the movie and about his acting in the movie. He played an audio clip where Howard and Robin had some fun goofing on Artie about the review because he thought it was positive when it was actually kind of goofing on him.
The guys talked about how great that clip was because Craig was so good at the impression and improving answers to calls and stuff. Sal asked Gary where Craig got the outfit that he wore on that show. Gary wasn't sure where it came from. Richard said he hopes they put that on Howard TV sometime because he never got to see it when it was on E!.
Jon took a call from a guy who spent a minute talking about KISS and Gene Simmons' new TV show. He went on to play a recent clip where Craig called in as Gene Simmons but his impression wasn't quite as good as it was 5 years ago. The guys talked about how tough that must be for a comedian to come on the show and no go over very well. Sal said it is pretty tough, he knows. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to The Best of Fred segment that Ralph puts together each week. Ralph said that the first clip is from when Penny Crone came in and told a story about something that happened to her up in Maine and Fred was playing a bunch of audio clips as she talked about blowing cops and stuff like that. He played porn clips of a woman giving oral and gagging after her story.
Ralph said when he was cutting that clip the guy who was helping him almost threw up when he heard the gagging. Gary said he loves that clip. You can hardly tell it's a woman gagging when you first hear it. Gary said he got that clip from his cousin who is blind because it's porn for blind people.
Jon played the next Best of Fred clip which was from a day that Howard was paying a song from a stalker of Colin Farrel and Alec Baldwin's. Fred threw in some fart sound into the mix during that.
Ralph pulled another clip where Fred was doing his Nicole Bass impression when she was on the show recently. Fred was doing his impression and playing sound effects of Nicole throwing things during that clip.
Ralph said that Fred is amazing because Fred is doing that impression and playing sound effects at the same time. He replayed a short clip where he was able to play a jungle sound effect just 6 seconds after the caller mentioned the word. Ralph said that Fred is going to come on the show sometime and talk about how he gets to that stuff so quickly.
Gary said he thinks that Nicole isn't that thrilled with the impression but she goes along with it anyway. Jon took a phone call from a guy who said he loves when Fred does his Richard Christy impression and says ''Haaaay.'' Jon asked Sal how he feels when Fred plays his theme song when he walks in the studio. Sal said ''no comment'' to that but also said that Gary has pointed out that everyone gets made fun of and if you find it funny when they goof on others, you have to realize that it's funny when you're being goofed on.
A phone caller said that he loves when Fred plays the Baba Booey song parodies but he's tried to send in some Sal parodies but he thinks that Sal is throwing them away. Gary said that if he thinks they're that good, he should write on the envelope that Gary should listen to them. Sal and Richard said they listen to a lot of that stuff and they will play it for Howard or Gary if they think it's funny. Richard said Sal will pass stuff along like that if it's funny.
Sal was eating again while he was talking about that stuff so Ralph asked him why he was still doing that after they goofed on him about it earlier. Sal didn't even realize he was doing it. Jon had to go to break again after that.
Jon let JD go and took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. She said she's always asked how she feels when Fred plays the crow sound. She said she's flattered by it when he calls in. Ralph said she actually gets upset when Fred plays it for Penny Crone. She said she does because she thinks that's her signature sound effect. Jon let her go and moved on to the next segment.
Jon said he's heard that Howard isn't reading SFN right now. Gary said he finds it hard not to read stuff over there. Ralph said he likes to read stuff that doesn't have to do with the show over there. Gary said he likes to read about himself and he gets sucked into that stuff. Jon said it gives a true instant feedback about the show, that's why he likes the site. Gary said it is an interesting insight into what people think about the show.
Jon had to go to break after that and said that they will have a special guest on next. Gary said that Mary Carey wanted to come in to explain what happened yesterday because she's having some trouble with people who wanted her to plug certain things when she was in yesterday.
The guys talked about how much Fred does for the show and how much he's missed if he's out. Mary Carey was sitting in so the guys talked about how she got in trouble after her appearance yesterday. She said the company she works for, Legend, didn't think she was a good representative of the company. Gary said he kind of likes porn chicks to be a little out of control so he's surprised that they'd be upset with her.
Mary said she gets a lot of people demanding that she promote things on the show and she doesn't do that. She said she can't take over when she's on Howard's show like she can with other shows. Gary said that she was a bit drunk yesterday, especially after the Bloodhound Gang gave her alcohol. She said she couldn't even remember what went on there yesterday because she was so wasted. She had to go on the web site and read about what happened.
Mary said that she had a lot to drink and it may have been a half a bottle of Jagermeister. She was out at a party the night before so she was already a little drunk. Then the Bloodhound Gang gave her more to drink and got her really drunk.
The guys reminded her about some of the stuff she did like riding the Sybian and yelling out Will's name. Mary said her boyfriend wasn't happy with that. Gary asked Mary how she knows that Legend is mad at her. She said that no one has contacted her since the appearance so that's how she knows they're mad at her. The guys found that a little odd because if they were mad you'd think they'd contact her.
Mary thinks that because she's getting the silent treatment, the company is mad at her. Gary said she told him that they were mad at her but she doesn't have any proof of that. Gary told her that she and Kendra Jade should sit down and watch their appearances on the show because they're the two most drunken appearances they've ever had.
Mary said she heard that she was drunk in the green room but doesn't remember that. She wanted to plug the stuff that she didn't get to plug yesterday. She ended up apologizing for what happened yesterday. She thought she was fun on the show and she thought that's what she should do on the show. She tried to get in a plug for this text message thing she was supposed to plug but what she had written down didn't make a lot of sense. It was something about texting 'Mary' to 54015 depending on your carrier.
Mary said she had a lot of fun even though she doesn't remember much of what went on. Gary told her that she was laying on the floor at one point and making snow angels while completely naked. She was kind of embarrassed by that. Jon told her that they have to wrap up soon. Sal was playing some audio clips making it seem like she was boring and stuff and she didn't appreciate that.
Mary is appearing at Scandals strip club in Queens today. She got in a quick plug for that but she got sidetracked easily and was all over the place with her thoughts. She thanked them for letting her come in and apologize. The guys ended the show a short time later, around 10:30am.