Howard started off the show talking about reading on SternFanNetwork about how they take too many days off after taking off Thursday and Friday. He said they'll be here all week this week.
Howard said he walked into the offices this morning and ran into Richard, JD and Jon Hein and he was overwhelmed by the smell of perfume to the point that he almost gagged. He said he went into Richard's studio later on and he was overwhelmed with the smell again and it was just way too intense. He said that Richard said he got some new body wash and that's what the smell was. He told him to tone that down because a man should not wear perfume.
Richard came in and told the guys that he would come up to Howard's desk a lot back at K-Rock because he didn't get that close to him. Now that he's not doing that as much, he wear's cologne because he likes the smell of it. Howard told him he's got to tone it down a bit because it's so intense.
Richard said the cologne is called Curve and he also uses Axe body wash. He said that using that stuff causes a rash on his neck a lot. Artie thinks that he's wearing this stuff because he's trying to cover up B.O. Fred thought Howard was exaggerating a bit but he got the smell within 2 seconds of Richard walking in the studio. Richard said it's either that or the smell of B.O. Robin came into the studio to get the smell and she said her eyes were almost watering. Then Fred caught the smell of Body Odor. He said that if he rotates he can get both smells. Artie went over and caught a whiff to see just how bad it was.
Richard was talking about how he has to walk over from his apartment every morning and that makes him sweat a lot. Artie was heading back over to his chair when he knocked over a bat that someone had made for him. Howard said that thing falls down every time he walks away from his chair.
Howard said he read that Cheap Trick once opened up for Stuttering John and he thought that was one of the saddest things he's ever read. John was playing in a band back then and they actually opened for his band. Howard goofed on John and what he may have said to the band to get them to shorten up their songs and things like that. Fred was also doing his John impression.
The guys were trying to remember just one of Stuttering John's songs from back then. Cheap Trick can probably do a 2 and a half hour show with their hits while John had maybe one hit. Artie remembered one song called ''Get Off My Lawn.'' That got Fred all revved up and doing his impression of John singing another one of his ''hits'' which was ''Talk My Way Out of It.''
Howard said it must have been crazy to go see Cheap Trick opening up for Stuttering John's band. He said that must have been the lowest moment in Cheap Trick's career. He's going to ask them if that was the case for them.
Howard took a call from King of All Japs who brought up Aaron Spelling's death and asked if Howard is going to comfort Tori Spelling. Howard got into a discussion about how Tori made a big mistake. He talked about how Aaron Spelling spent a year in bed at the age of 8 because of a psychological paralysis of his legs. He read a lot of books, eventually got better, went into the Army and then went to Hollywood to try and make it as an actor. He talked about some of the TV shows that Spelling produced and how they became so insanely popular.
Howard said at one point Spelling's production company was producing 1/3 of the programs on ABC TV. Some guy came in and said that they were going to change things and not have so many of his shows on the network. Spelling got depressed until FOX came to him and asked him if he wanted to produce a show about high school kids. That turned out to be ''Beverly Hills 90210.'' He said Aaron also had 2 shows on the air at all times, right up until the day he died.
Howard also talked about how Spelling liked to show off the money he made and that's why he had a 52,000 square foot house built. He said that Spelling loved his kids and actually imported snow to their home in sunny California. Tori has been on the show a few times and she did a reality show and really pissed off her parents because it was goofing on them. Howard said when you do something like that when your father is so close to death, that's nuts. He said that it wouldn't be surprising if she was cut out of the will completely. Robin said she heard that she may have made up toward the end there so she may be okay.
Howard said he doesn't remember if he ever interviewed Aaron... but he must have sent a message to him through Tori about how he would take care of his money when he passed away. Robin brought up this guy Warren Buffet who is going to give away his billions of dollars to charity. He's supposed to give most of it to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. The guy is worth over $40 billion and he's giving most of that to charity and a couple of billion to his kids.
Gary came in and brought up a story about Aaron Spelling and how he didn't fly because of an incident that happened to him when he was younger. He was supposed to take a flight but ended up driving home with a friend. The plane ended up crashing and his mother was told he had passed away but then pulled up in a car 3 days later. She made him promise never to fly after that.
Howard said that he's talked to his therapist about his fear of flying and how the shrink has told him it's no big deal if he dies. Robin said that more people die driving their cars then do flying. Howard said he does fly a few times a year but he really hates flying.
Robin said that Howard will only fly for vacation. He hasn't been out to California since 9/11/2001. Howard said he just hasn't had a reason to go out there since then. Robin said he hasn't flown out of the country either. Howard said he never did that. That led to the guys talking about places they could go outside of the country and Robin said that she's going to Italy in a couple of weeks. They're on vacation next week so she'll be going then. She wasn't even sure exactly where she's going.
Howard said he went out to see this movie ''The Devil Wears Prada'' with Beth and her sister-in-law. They saw it at a semi-private screening. He said that the story was good and Meryl Streep really is a great actress. He said if she was in ''Dirty Work,'' the movie would have been a success.
Howard said that he had a Wrap Up song thanks to this guy Grover who raps the week in review. He quickly played that song and then played a prank call that Sal made to an Indian grocery store. He gave them the name ''Iama Cocsucka'' and had them read the name back to him a few times.
Robin found that odd because Simon Cowell sits there and tells people they're fat to their faces. Howard said that they have to get rid of Elisabeth from that show because she's a ''fucking tard.'' The other women there weren't even agreeing with what she was saying. Barbara Walters was even saying that ''that's just Howard'' and not making a big deal out of it. Star Jones won't even mention Howard's name on the show but it seemed like she was setting Elisabeth up for that conversation.
Howard said he still thinks he was right and if he wanted to fuck Katherine McPhee, he'd want her to lose 15 pounds.
Howard said that Carnie Wilson is on Celebrity Fit Club and he had an audio clip of her talking about her struggles with weight even though she had her stomach stapled. She was talking about how she wants to show people how you have to work hard to get to where you want to. Howard said he can't believe that she got fat again after getting her stomach done. She was saying that she had a baby and that was the reason she got fat. Howard said she was already on her way to getting fat again before she got pregnant.
Jon Hein said that he went to see Adam's new movie ''Click'' over the weekend and it really was bad. He said that it starts out like every Adam Sandler movie with really dopey jokes but by the end of the movie it became a drama and kids were actually crying because Adam was dying on screen.
Howard asked Jon if he had any celebration for selling his web site for millions. Jon said he didn't do anything crazy. He had a birthday for his daughter but that was about it. Howard said there's some speculation about the amount that he actually got for the web site and some people are thinking it could be between 5 and 10 million bucks. Jon can't say what he got paid for it though.
Howard said that some guys on SternFanNetwork were talking about whether or not JumpTheShark.com has jumped the shark now. Jon said that was discussed in a newspaper article as well and that killed him.
Howard said there was a discussion on SFN about him going to a Christopher Reeve charity event. He said he was invited to it before Dana Reeve died and he wanted to meet her son and all of that. He said he went to the event and had his picture taken of course. He said people were complaining about his hair looking wet and the clothes he was wearing. People thought that Ralph had dressed him but Howard said Ralph doesn't dress him on the weekends.
Howard said he didn't meet Chris and Dana's son but he did meet Christopher's kids from his first marriage. His one daughter looks like a supermodel according to Howard. He said that the kids were great and it was a pleasure to meet them.
Howard said he went to this event on Thursday night where Scott Greenstein from SIRIUS was being honored. He said that he didn't want to go but Scott really wanted him to be there. He talked about his discussions with Martha Stewart's daughter who was there. Her mother wasn't there though. He said he was talking to Rob Jacobson from In Demand and he couldn't hear a word he was saying because it was so loud there.
Nelly Furtado did 3 songs and then left and after that it was about it. He said it wasn't much of a party and if you want people to donate to a charity, you have to put on a good party. Mel Karmazin was there and Howard said he couldn't want to get out of there.
Gary came in and said that he saw a guy on a phone heading for Howard so he tried to cut him off. Howard said there were a bunch of idiots there but there were also some cool people there. Howard said he knows how to handle people who ask him to talk to their friends on the phone. He said he just tells them ''No'' when they ask. He has no desire to talk to people he doesn't know like that.
Howard talked about how short Nelly Furtado was. He said she's like a fidget and was just about talking to his penis because she's so short.
Howard said he saw that Nicole Kidman got married over the weekend and it was very odd how they kept announcing it like no one really cared. They spent a minute on that.
Howard said he's going to TiVo this new show ''Kyle XY'' that's going to be on ABC Family tonight. It got good reviews so he wants to check it out. It's about a kid who is born without a belly button and was created in some strange way. He said the review he read was way too detailed but he still wants to give it a shot.
Howard read some stories about Busta Rhymes whose wife is leaving him for a woman. He said she was quoted in the paper and she was saying that if Busta is crying over their relationship break-up then it's the bitch side of him coming out. Howard read that stuff and said that it's probably going to be some divorce.
Mike made a good point and said that they could have just sent Howard a note about the level of Robin's mic. Scott didn't need to go in there and change it. Howard said that Robin's mic was at almost the same level as his own mic was. Scott said that Howard is always right and he's always wrong. Howard said that Scott probably needed that money too because he doesn't make that much money doing that job.
Howard asked why Sal and Richard have a monitor in their studio. Richard came in adn said they like to see what's going on in there when they make calls as characters adn stuff. Howard said he wants that monitor taken out of there but Richard said they use it. Howard doesn't want them having a bunch of people in there watching naked chicks and stuff like that.
Mike asked about the classic tapes they have now and if they're going to have any to play during vacation. Hwoarsd aid they're working on them now adn they may have some stuff ready for the 4th of July weekend. He had to go to break after that.
Howard talked about how TV is the greatest invention for parents because kids will sit mesmerized in front of the TV for hours. Scott DePace came in and said that he's got problems in his house. He's got about 12 TVs in the house. Now he cant' get his kids to sleep without a TV on. Howard said he has to put a stop to that because kids shouldn't be watching TV when they're going to bed. Scott said his son was telling him that he's got spiders in his room and he can't sleep. Howard told him to tell the kid like it is and call him a pussy and tell him to go to sleep.
Scott asked Howard if he really thinks that he should cut them off from TV like that. He said he can't keep the arguing going and just gives in and lets them watch TV. Scott said he's got a 2 year old who goes to bed at about 8 and the kid doesn't even speak yet but he points at the TV until they find what he wants to watch. Howard told him that if he keeps up the TV watching thing, those kids will never sleep.
Howard said that maybe Scott could read to the kid instead of watching TV. He said he does that once in a while but he can't read the same things over and over again. Robin told him to read the kid some Sports Illustrated articles or something instead.
Ronnie thanked Howard for coming over to see the dog. Lisa asked if Howard brought a dog gift for him. Howard said he hasn't turned gay, he didn't bring any gifts. Howard said he was on his way home from Long Island and decided to stop by and say hello to him.
Howard had Lisa get to her stories. She said that they have an update on the cheerleader's who were suspended after appearing on the show. They have a new Page 69 clip from Jason and Will. They talk about how one of the news team was caught using the N-word. They'll also be talking about how Artie is paying someone to open his mail now. Artie said the same kid who loads up his iPod is opening the stuff for him. A lot of his mail was there in the studio so Howard and Artie went through that stuff. He had that bat that fell over earlier in the show and a picture that someone painted for him. Howard told Artie that he's got an archival room that he keeps stuff in and he could keep that stuff there.
Artie was talking about how much he's paying this guy to open his mail. He was also talking about how people ask him to do things like make audio tapes for their voice mail messages and things like that. He said he won't do that but he will sign autographs.
Lisa mentioned another story and also got in a plug for Sal's new show ''Kill or Be Killed'' which will be on Howard 101 tonight at 7pm. Howard has heard good things about the show which was taped at Caroline's comedy club recently.
Artie talked about hanging out with Shuli and Ferrall who he ran into over the weekend. He said that Ferrall has some really crazy stories to tell and that's Artie saying that his stories are crazy. Howard talked about how Shuli has worked his way into a lot of shows on Howard 100 and 101 and it should probably be called Shuli 100 and 101 instead. Howard figures that Ferrall will eventually get tired of Shuli and their breakup will be really bad.
Artie was under the impression that Ferrall was going to broadcast his show from the All Star game down in Philly but Howard said that Tim Sabean was telling him that there was no reason to do the show from down there so it probably won't be happening.
Howard moved on and said that they have some audio of Eric the Midget calling into some other shows since he won't call into his show anymore. Someone scammed Eric and told him that he was Diana DiGarmo's cousin and had him fooled. That led to the guy contacting Sal and telling him about it. Sal told Howard us that he had John Hunnerlach call Eric as Diana's publicist. Howard played the prank call where John asked Eric about how tall he is, how much he weighs and stuff like that. They took all of that and then told him it was going to be 750... Eric says ''750 what?'' and John says ''750 balloons!'' so Eric got all pissed off, called them some names and said that he's going to get them back later. Howard played a few Eric the Midget song parodies and bits after that.
Howard played the first Gary Garver interview with Bo Derek and George Barris. Gary was asking Bo some softball questions and then hit her with some questions about shaving her private area. She told him to shut up and then George Barris came walking up. Garver asked him some questions but he was busy talking to Bo. Garver then asked them to describe Howard Stern in one word. Bo said ''disgusting'' and George said he had never heard of him. Barris told Garver if he didn't want to talk sensible with him then he wasn't going to talk to him.
Howard played the next clip of Garver interviewing Gloria Allred. He asked her a question about politics. After hearing her answer the guys got into a whole discussion about how some conservatives can really spin stories in some wacky ways. Garver asked Gloria if she shaves her pubic hair and she didn't answer that one. Garver asked her about who she thinks is the most important person on Earth right now and when she last crapped her pants. She asked him when he last came up with questions that matter. Garver then asked her to describe Howard Stern in one word. She said ''successful.''
Howard said that Garver got an interview with Mamie Van Doren. He explained what a big star she was many, many years ago. He played the tape and Garver's first question was ''Who are you and what are you known for?'' She couldn't believe that was his first question and refused to talk to him after that. Garver tried again later and asked her what made her famous. She finally broke down and told him what made her famous. She went through her history and then Garver asked her if Howard Stern banged her. He meant to ask if Howard Hughes had banged her. She said that she actually used to listen to Howard Stern until he moved to SIRIUS. She said she's going to try and get back into that soon.
Howard said he had to take another break after that but Artie found a picture of a girl's ass in an FHM magazine that he thought was one of the best he's ever seen. It wasn't a famous chick's ass, it was just a girl-next-door's ass. Howard told a story about a conversation he and Beth had about getting old. He said she was talking about how she would only be about 80 when he's like 100 and he was telling her that he would wipe her ass with his tongue at that age. She wasn't turned on and he doesn't get that. He was also talking about how he should start dating a 26 year old now so his woman doesn't get as old as him.
Gary said that they were going through some old tapes and found the day that Artie came in after his first date with Dana and he was all happy about it. He figured they have to play that stuff and maybe some other Artie and Dana history. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard gave a quick rundown of how they had Kevin in on the old radio show and he got Jillian Grace into the magazine. She went on to have some success as a Playmate. Howard read some notes about the first contestant today who was Shannon. He said that she's wanted to be in the magazine since she was 16 years old. She's never submitted pictures though. She's 19 years old now. Howard gave her a very welcoming ''Hello'' as she walked into the studio.
Howard asked Shannon if she's been in any bathing suit competitions. She said she does enter them quite a bit. Howard said that she looks a little bit like Jessica Simpson but Artie and Robin said they don't think she does. She was wearing panties and a bikini top and Howard said she didn't have any flaws that he could see.
Shannon rates herself as an 8 out of 10 so Howard asked her why she's never submitted pictures. She said she's just never thought about doing that. She told Howard that she's 5'8'' tall and weighs about 115 pounds. Howard asked Shannon if she wanted to show her breasts because it is Playboy magazine after all. She said she knows that and she might be willing to do that. Howard asked her if she would bang Hugh Hefner if she became a Playmate. She said she's not sure she could bring herself to do that.
Howard asked Kevin if he can tell if this chick is good enough just by seeing her that quick. Kevin said that he didn't think she'd be the right girl when he first saw her but once she came in under the right lighting, she looked great. She took her top off a short time later and Howard said that they didn't disappoint. Shannon was talking about her dating and Artie asked her if she's ever dated a guy who weighs as much as 2 guys. He was referring to himself of course.
Howard asked Fred what he thought at first. Fred thinks that Shannon blows Jillian Grace away. Gary said that her body is perfect for Playboy but her face isn't quite there. He thinks that she's good enough to be tested. Howard thought her face was just right because it's a ''girl-next-door'' look that they look for. Artie said that she could make a million a week as a striper. He said that her face was the hottest thing he's ever seen. Fred asked him if he would go to therapy for her. He was so blown away that he said ''Yes!''
Howard had her turn around to show off her ass again. Then he went to Kevin Custer who said that he hates that there are women out there who think their boobs are too small. He told her to never touch her boobs, leave them the way they are. Howard said that in two weeks Pauly Shore will probably be touching that body. Artie told her to never come back if she does bang Pauly. Howard had her swear to god that if she gets in Playboy, she will not fuck Pauly Shore. She did that so Howard threw in a few other names like Scott Baio, James Caan and Artie added Drew Carey.
Kevin told Shannon that she is good enough to test for the magazine. He said that they'll shoot her out in Chicago or in Los Angeles. Shannon had mentioned that she has kissed other girls so Howard asked her more about that. She said she has kissed and felt boob but never had a finger in another girl. Howard asked her if she's had her ass eaten. She said yes to that but she's never used hers on a guy.
Kevin said that he will be the one shooting her pictures. He said she may need some make-up and hair done but her body is good enough that it shouldn't need any body make-up. Artie said he thinks that she's even hotter than Jillian Grace. Kevin said he doesn't see that though. He said that she may be too thin for the magazine.
Up next was Marie. Howard read some notes about her and she was rejected by Playboy not too long ago. She's 22 years old. Howard had her come in and said that she was looking good in her bathing suit. Howard had her turn around to show her ass. The guys were impressed again. Gary said that Marie's boyfriend was there and they could barely pry her away from him. The guys figure that she'll leave him if she does get into the magazine. Howard read some more notes about her and how she was actually asked to do another shoot for Playboy but she wasn't able to make it because she had to work. She never got another call.
Howard asked Marie about why she wants to be in Playboy. She said it's like having an official stamp of hotness when you get into it. Howard read some notes about her losing her virginity at the age of 15 and stuff like that. She's not into chicks though. Howard asked her about her boobs and if she thinks they'll stand up good enough for Kevin. She said she thinks they will. She whipped them out a short time later after saying she's never shown them to a bunch of guys before. Artie said they were beautiful.
Howard asked Kevin if they were too small. Kevin wanted to see her top completely off first so he asked her to take it off. Howard liked them even though she said they were only a B-cup. Kevin said that there may be a shape issue and it would mean finding the right poses for her. He said they could be a little fuller up top and they may have been hanging a little too much. He said they'd have to have her pull her hands up. She did that and showed the guys how they looked better that way.
Kevin said that he didn't want to tell her to get implants, especially if she's just going to do it to try and get into the magazine. Howard thought she had great legs and ass and Kevin agreed with that. She also had a very cute face according to Howard and Kevin. Howard said he thinks her face is right for the magazine and her body is great. Artie said she looks good enough for him. Gary said that her body was a little fuller than the last and she has a very pretty face. Fred said that Penthouse might be the right magazine for her. Her nose didn't hold up according to Fred.
Kevin said that her face is cute but he's not sure how she'd photograph. The boobs might be an issue because of the amount of work she might need. He said they could stick her in front of a camera and she would explode. He's not sure. He asked her what happened with her photo shoot with Playboy. She said it was for some kind of casting call that they do. Kevin explained that whole thing and then gave Howard the final word on Marie. Kevin said that he's really on the fence about this one. Howard told him that maybe he should give her a shot. Kevin said that Howard and the guys are the guys reading the magazine so he wanted their opinions. Howard said yes, Fred said no way... Howard thinks that she is playboy material and she might just need to be in the studio with some help.
Howard said he thinks that she could be even better than Jillian Grace. Kevin said that it is possible that she could blow them away but he's still on the fence... but he's going to give her a shot. She's going to Chicago for a test shoot. Howard told her not to get fat before she goes.
Howard wanted to move on to the third girl. Robin made a prediction about Marie and said that she felt she was a bit soft and she will never get into the magazine. Kevin said that he really has no idea how a girl is going to act in front of a camera though. That's what the test is all about. Howard is glad she's getting a shot.
Up next was Lindsay. Howard read some notes about her and said that she's a 32 AA-cup. She's 5'4'' and 103 pounds. She came in a short time later and the guys said she had a cute face. He said he saw some of her pictures and she is hot. She's got a great face and body according to him. She just has no boobs. Howard had her take off her top to show Kevin. She said they're very small. Howard told her as soon as she took her top off that there was no way that was happening. Kevin also told her that there's no way they could take her. He said that they would have to tell her that they wouldn't have an opportunity for her. He was saying that she's way too thin too. Howard said if she put on weight she wouldn't be as attractive.
Robin said that she's the perfect candidate for implants. Kevin agreed there and said that they're really small. They spent a short time talking about that and then Howard got into her story about the ''show'' she and a girlfriend put on for her boyfriend. She said that she and this girl started making out and eventually moved into the bedroom with her. She said that she and the other girl got it on in front of her boyfriend but she doesn't remember all of the details because they were so shit faced from drinking. Lindsay said she went down on this chick and did that for quite a while. She gave her an orgasm and the girl returned the favor. The other girl watched as Lindsay banged her boyfriend too.
Howard asked Lindsay when she knew she wasn't going to have boobs. She said it was Jr. High School when the other girls were getting implants. She said that she will get implants some day but she won't go bigger than a C-cup. Howard read that she wanted to ride the Sybian too so he asked her if that was true. She wasn't sure but she said she didn't want to disappoint so she got on. Gary started the machine a short time later and started it off slow. She started to get into it and started to moan within a few seconds. She claimed to have finished within a couple of minutes. She said that was nice and she wasn't sure if she could stand up or not. She was a bit wobbly from the machine.
Howard wrapped up with Kevin and said that all three of the girls were hot but only two are going to get tested. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard told the guys they were talking about the most embarrassing moment for the band which they were talking about earlier in the morning. That was the time when they opened up for Stuttering John. The guys said that was a pretty sad moment for them but they still blew away his band. Howard asked the guys if John came out and asked them to rush through their set. One of the guys said they remember John asking for pot, but that was about it. Fred went into his Stuttering John impression and goofed on him for a short time.
Howard said he loves the band and even had them on his Private Parts soundtrack. He asked the guys how things are going for them. They said they were over in London and did some shows with Def Leppard. They were also saying that people over there know about Howard and that he's known as the King of All Media. Howard said he was shocked that their biggest hit song was ''The Flame'' which is one of those songs that they don't even like. They said they do play it once in a while during shows. Gary heard that they didn't write the song and when they listened to the cassette, Rick made them stop playing it and smashed the cassette on the ground.
The guys were saying that they were once asked to do the theme song for ''Joey'' but it got turned down. They do the Colbert Report and That 70's Show theme songs so they are getting some work. Howard asked Bunny how he's doing back in the back. He said he's one of his favorite drummers and wanted to know if he's getting laid. He said he's getting it regularly. The guys talked about getting married and things like that.
Rick talked about how he wrote most of the songs for the band. Howard was asking about ''I Want You to Want Me'' so the band went right into that one a few seconds later. Howard said whenever he hears that one he can relate to it.
After that performance Howard asked about the bass guitar because it's got 12 strings on it. He said he gets confused by that because there's so much going on there. He asked Rick about how he likes to throw his guitar picks at concerts. Rick said it just became a thing after he would do that after going through the picks pretty quickly while playing so hard. Howard also said that Robin's voice hasn't changed all that much and he still sounds great. He asked the guys about their past drug use and one of the guys said he still smokes pot. He said the best drug for him was acid and he actually did a show once while he was on acid. That got him kicked out of the band for a while.
Howard asked the guys to perform another song for them before they talk about the new album. They went right into their song ''Surrender.'' Howard asked them about that song and found out that they had to change their lyrics around quite a bit to get that song played on the radio. Howard told them that they really are great and so effortlessly.
Howard said that Cheap Trick is a great name for a band. They said that the record company didn't like it and wanted them to change it. Howard asked the guys some more questions about their history as a band and some of the wacky things they've gone through. He gave them a plug for their new album ''Rockford'' and played a track called ''Perfect Stranger'' since the guys didn't really prepare to play it in the studio. Howard also gave them a plug for their web site CheapTrick.com
Howard said the guys still sound good on the new album and he likes it. Robin asked if they get any air play these days. Rick said they do get some air play but he's not sure if it's because they feel sorry for them or what.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Marilyn Manson performed one of their songs. The guys said they liked that. They also had Lindsay Lohan and Chris Isaak cover their songs as well. Howard asked the guys if there's any bands out there that they like today. They basically brushed that one off and said ''nah.''
Howard wrapped up with the guys a short time later. He gave them a plug for their new album and told them how great it was to hear them in there. They weren't cursing at all so Howard asked them if they wanted to curse at all. The guys didn't have much to say, Rick threw in some dirty words of his own like ''Manager'' and things like that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard and Robin both said they would ride the Sybian if that's what he's demanding to do the balloon thing. Howard said that he's a liar if he's not going to come in. Eric said he didn't think they'd be stupid enough to ride that thing. Howard said he really doesn't care. He also thinks that Eric will break down and come in once they book Katherine McPhee to come on the show. He figures that it will kill Eric if he can't come in or even call in to talk to her.
Eric said that he's no longer going to accept people on his Myspace account unless he knows them. That prank call that Sal had John Hunnerlach make to him made him lose faith in people. Howard said it's crazy that he even fell for it. He was also saying that Eric will fly like Superman on balloons. Eric kept saying that he's not going to do it and he knows himself better than Howard does. Howard said he knows Eric better than Eric knows himself and he will come in and do the balloon thing. Eric said he's known himself for 31 years while Howard has only known him for 4 years.
Eric was complaining about Mutt cutting him off the other night when he called the Superfan Roundtable. He said that he wanted to talk about why he has a problem with SternFanNetwork but Mutt cut him off. Howard told Eric a story and said his dream was to fly a midget with balloons on a radio show some day. He said Eric is the midget and he is his destiny. Eric told him to find someone else to do it because he's not going to be the one to do it. Howard said ''We'll see...'' and played the ''Fly Like a Midget'' song parody. He also played a prank call that Blue Iris made to Eric.
At one point Eric told Howard to have a heart attack and to go to hell. Howard played a Popeye theme song parody about Eric. He told Eric he's going to have bad karma if he keeps wishing him a heart attack. He wanted to confront him on that but Eric had already hung up on him.
That led to Howard asking Artie about what's going on with him and Dana. Artie is pretty sure that things are over between he and Dana. Robin asked why he's waiting to call things off. Artie said that nothing happened this weekend and he's not sure what's going to happen.
Gary came in and said he had some pictures from Vegas with Artie hanging out with some chicks at the pool at the Palms. Artie said that's the pool there every day. He said that it was the sickest pool scene he's ever seen before. Howard told Gary to put that one up on the web site. Artie pointed out that Steve Langford's hand was right there in the picture.
Ralph did his Eric the Midget impression and had a short conversation with Howard about that. Sal came in a short time later and said that the people on SternFanNetwork are trying to get Ralph kicked off the Friday Show. He was wondering if Howard wanted to try that for a week without Ralph. Howard likes him on there. He got back to the Eric the Midget thing for a minute and then said that he thinks Ralph is a good mix on The Friday Show. Sal wondered if he wanted to give it a try just one week without having Ralph on there. Howard said he's been doing a good job and he thinks that if he just kept his comments to a minimum, the audience will grow to like him.
Sal said that the audience has been consistent with Ralph and it sounds like they want them out of there. Ralph asked if they could take Sal out of his chair and let other people do the sound effects. Gary said they could stick Steve the Intern in there. Howard said he's read a few comments about Sal playing the clips too much so they'll test out the show without him doing that job.
Howard said they're going to rotate Sal out of that position for a couple of weeks to give it a try to see what it's like. Now Sal regrets going in there at all to throw Ralph under the bus.
Bobo called in and said that Ralph is good on the show because he's been with them since the Channel 9 shows and knows a lot of history. Howard said that Ralph just has to limit his comments and he's fine. Bobo was also telling Howard that he used to hate when they go on vacation but now that they won't be chopping up the old stuff, he's actually looking forward to it.
Howard said that he had another meeting about the classic tapes and he'd like to have the top 250 or 500 bits of all time... if they have time to do it. They have a lot of work to do though and they need time to do it. He's not sure if they have the time to get that done yet but he should know by today if they'll be able to pull it off.
There was some feedback about Howard's comments about Jessica Simpson and Kate Hudson looking good. Howard also read some mail about Jon Hein's recent selling of his web site to TV Guide for an unspecified amount of money. Some people were happy for him and thought that Howard wasn't really supporting him. There was some positive feedback about Johnny Fratto. He said only one e-mail he got was negative. Howard read some mail about Riley Martin's show. A lot of people are really into that show.
Gary jumped in and said that Jenna's web site actually made $30 million last year. Howard wondered why no one is buying his web site because he gets a ton of traffic. Howard had Gary come in with the article he was reading so he could check that out. He sounded amazed that they made that happen. He figured that someone like the Smoking Gun would be able to find out how much they actually got for the site.
Howard wondered what kind of overhead Jenna could have with that web site. Robin said they do have to hire girls to do other photo shoots. Howard read that Jenna and her husband are keeping their cut of a strip club the partially own in Arizona.
Howard said that the cost to join Jenna's web site is $34.95 a month. He checked out some of the stuff she has on the site and wondered if anyone would watch him doing masturbation scenes.
Gary told Howard that Richard recorded Sal coming back into his office after he got himself kicked off the Friday Show. Sal said that he'll take a day off on Friday if that's the case. Howard said that he wants Sal there working and not in the studio playing sound effects. He wanted to know from Gary who would annoy Sal the most by replacing him. Gary said that would be Steve the Intern since he is just an intern. Richard came in and said he will miss his lover Sal but he will help Steve learn where the clips are.
Jon Hein was in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about the Playboy evaluations that went on earlier in the morning.
While Jon was doing his thing Howard heard that Sal was out in the hall bitching about being taken off the Friday Show. Sal said that he was trying to let Howard know what the complaints were about the Friday Show and he's not sure how it got turned on him. Howard said he likes to throw people under the bus and that got him thinking about things on the show. Now they're going to make some changes on the show.
Howard had another song parody from Sal where he sings about his wife. He played that the parody which was to the tune of ''That's Life.'' The song is all about the things he can't stand about her and how he'd like to snap her neck and things like that. Howard said that song is going to be exhibit A at his trial.
Howard said he may have to give Sal his job back on The Friday Show just because of that song parody. He played Sal's apology tape that they got out of him during a recent scam they pulled on him. Gary came in and said that he asked Sal how he goes home after writing stuff like that. Sal said that his wife doesn't want to know what goes on there and doesn't care to know if he is doing the stuff she hears about.
Howard got back to Jon Hein and asked him for the rest of his rundown of the Wrap Up Show. Jon mentioned some of the other stuff that went on during the show today and what they'll be discussing. Jon mentioned the segment where Richard was arguing for whether or not he should have a monitor in his studio. Howard let him argue a little more but Richard's arguments weren't enough for him. He said he doesn't think it's necessary to have people watching the raw feed of the show unless they really have to.
Scott the Engineer has a monitor as well and he's not sure why he needs that. Scott has never done anything that he needs a monitor for. Scott came in and said that they actually needed it today when Cheap Trick was in. Howard said that was a good reason, he's going to let Scott keep it.
Richard asked Scott how Tony Stewart did this weekend after he passed his curse onto him. Scott said Tony was doing well until his car blew up. Scott spent a few minutes with Tony a couple of weeks ago and since then, Tony has crashed, fractured his shoulder, crashed his car again, hurt his shoulder worse, had a driver take over for him because of his injuries, his car's engine blew up in the NASCAR race yesterday. Howard said that a guy who works there got kidney stones after working with Scott for a while. His black cloud appears to be contagious.
Siobhan told Howard she really needs a job and she'd like to do the thing with the tapes. Howard said he doesn't need someone who can't get a job working there. He's not giving her that job. She said that he was making her depressed now. Howard let her go a short time later and said they're going to try and make her dream come true by getting her laid tomorrow. Howard later told Gary to put Siobhan on the list of people they want to interview for that tape editing job. He said that they should probably give her a chance... even though he's not sure he could handle seeing her every day.
Howard read that the local FOX news station did a story about Aaron Spelling passing away and they ran a scroll on the bottom of the screen that read ''Aaron Spelling has past away...'' instead of ''passed away.'' He thought that was pretty interesting.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started off the show talking about how beat he was. He tried going to bed early last night but they were lighting off fireworks in Central Park and they kept him up. He said it's not even the Fourth of July yet and they're blowing off fireworks. His dog gets freaked out and shakes from the loud noises. The dog was going nuts from the lightning storm over the weekend too. He said it was like the old days when Fred first started on the show and would shake when they got on the air.
Howard said that the new Superman movie is getting great reviews and four stars from a few reporters. He said the one guy who didn't get it was Marshall Fine who sent him a whole list of stuff that was wrong with the movie. Robin said that if you think of it as pure entertainment then it was a great movie. She said she had problems with the story too but it was so entertaining that she forgot about that. Howard talked about some of the stuff that Marshall sent to him about the problems he had with the movie. He said he had a lot of good questions but he liked the movie without thinking about that stuff.
Howard said he talked to Jimmy Kimmel and he likes the idea of an Artie magazine like Oprah's magazine. They could have Artie on the cover each month and all kinds of stories about him.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about Cheap Trick's appearance on the show yesterday. He said they were great and they still have it. Howard said he agrees and he thinks that they do still have it and did some great performances. He said their music stands up today. The caller said he liked their new song too. Howard said he was watching Rick playing guitar and it comes so naturally to him that it was amazing to watch.
The caller also brought up the classic tapes that Howard has from K-Rock and how much he's looking forward to hearing that stuff. That led to Howard talking about how Barbara Walters is joining SIRIUS by offering up her old interviews for playing on the service. Howard thinks he may have had something to do with that because he saw her at a party one time and suggested that she do that.
Howard said his hair stylist was suggesting that they play groups of interviews when they play the classic tapes. Robin suggested a ''Gary gets Duped'' weekend. Gary was saying he wants to put together some Robin Meltdown groups of tapes. He had a few suggestions for that. Howard said he's had meltdowns himself that they can play. The caller brought up a band that Howard used to think was going to be a huge hit. The band was Hum and Howard was a huge fan of their song ''Stars'' but they were really cocky and young and never went anywhere. He said they were treating him like he was the plague and that they were a lot better than them.
Gary talked about how hard they were to work with. They were using amps in the studio back when they were at 600 Madison Ave. where the studio was tiny. They had to have their drummer back in another room because there was so little room in the studio.
The caller that was on the line asked about a bit they did where they had Dick Butkus helping out doing something with Rocky and Bullwinkle and he was laughing so hard there were tears running down his face. They remembered the bit and it's just another thing to add to the list of things to play.
Gary asked if Jackie the Joke Man has ever walked off the show. They remembered a time when Jackie got upset at a roast they did on the WWOR Channel 9 show. Jackie bombed at the roast and the audience didn't laugh at his act. He confronted Howard and accused him of telling the audience not to laugh at his act. Howard said he didn't know how to defend himself with that because he didn't do that.
Howard said the letters coming from Cabbie are kind of creepy because there's a big stamp on the back that says the prison is not responsible for what might come from the letter. He said Gary used to get the letters there at SIRIUS and Gary would open them. Now he gets them at his place and shreds each one before he even opens it. He did get curious yesterday when he got the letter so he actually read it.
Cabbie has dropped the both his name Cabbie and his real name Lee Mroszak. He's come up with a new name and he's signed it on the paper but it's not readable. Cabbie says that ''Cabbie is dead.'' Howard read the letter he got yesterday where Cabbie says that he's thinking that the prison isn't giving him the mail he's getting sent to him. Howard said he hasn't written to him in about 10 months and if any of the audience tells him that, he's going to get upset.
Cabbie reveals that he is bringing back his name ''Cabbie'' and that new name he made up is gone. He's got 6 weeks left in prison so he should be out by the end of July. He's not sure if he has a job but Howard said he's pretty sure he doesn't. Gary said that Tim Sabean is wondering what he should do if Cabbie comes looking for a job. Gary doesn't know. Howard said they'll just blame Tim for not having a job for him if they can't find anything for him. Tom Chiusano will probably be bothered for a job as well so Howard figures he should quit the business over that.
Gary said that when Cabbie shows up there and they get the call from security, he's going to transfer the call right to Tim Sabean. Howard said that it would be interesting to have Cabbie doing a show there. Gary agreed and said that it could be interesting if he actually talks about what went on there. Howard figures nothing actually happened and he wouldn't talk about anything.
Howard was saying that the power chord really hits him and he can feel it in his shaft. He was saying that he'd like to talk to the band now and ask them why they were such assholes back when they were on the show. Gary talked about how there was a lot of pouting and kicking the air going on out in the halls when they were on the show that time.
Fred found some information about the band and they're all split up and doing all kinds of other jobs instead of playing in bands. A couple of the guys are married, one guy is working in pharmaceuticals, the other guys are off doing their own thing. Howard had Fred play the Switchfoot song he was thinking sounded like them but he got sick of that after a short time.
Gary gave Howard an update about the time Jackie walked off the show and found that he really did walk off the show the Tuesday after the roast. He found the notes in the log about that walk out and how Howard and the guys were trying to figure out why he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there was an article about Mel Karmazin talking about how he would be up for buying XM radio. Howard said Mel was saying that he'd be interested but there are issues that would stop that from happening. Mel wasn't saying he was actively pursuing buying them but it would be an interesting idea. XM was contacted and said they don't comment on the wishes of their competitors. Howard spent a minute talking about that and how it really doesn't mean much. It just shows that Mel isn't opposed to buying XM.
The caller on the line said that he ran into Beth one time outside of Robin's house and tried to take her picture but she wouldn't allow it. That got Howard talking about how creepy the guy is trying to get pictures of people from the show because he knows where Robin lives. The guy said he wasn't just hanging out there, he was driving around in his car near Robin's house. Howard was trying to explain to him how creepy that sounds but the guy didn't think he was doing anything wrong. Howard let him go since he couldn't get him to understand.
Howard read a story about Vince Welnick from The Grateful Dead and The Tubes committing suicide back on June 2nd. He was thinking that he was someone else until he read the article. Robin said she brought that story up back around when it happened but Howard didn't remember it. Fred played one of the songs they were talking about but Howard cut that off and played the Ralphie Cakes song parody saying he likes that one better.
Howard played a prank call that Crackhead Bob made to a Chinese restaurant where he tried to place an order but the woman was unable to understand what he was asking for.
Howard brought up a story about the author of the Harry Potter books and how she's thinking about killing him off before she dies so that no one can go back and take over her stories and ruin them.
Howard said that there have been a couple of stories of guys who were killed while riding bicycles in the city lately. He quickly went over that and then talked about the Superman movie again. He said they did some interesting stuff like putting the original Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane in the movie.
Howard read an article about Rush Limbaugh getting detained at an airport for a few hours. They found a bottle of Viagra in his luggage and it didn't have his name on the bottle. There were two doctor's names on the bottle instead. Howard said that he was coming from the Dominican Republic which is a place where a lot of guys go just to get laid. He's not sure if that's what Rush was doing but it doesn't look good. Now the entire country knows that Rush is using Viagra. Robin said ''Look at him... '' and pointed out that maybe that's his problem. He's a mess. Robin said it would be great if he was down there for young boys or something.
Howard said that Scott DePace is saying that his detainment was a Democratic conspiracy. Scott came in and said he never said that and Jason is an idiot. He said that all he said was that Democrats aren't the only ones who are investigated. Jason came in and said that he did say that it was a democratic conspiracy out in the hall. Scott kept denying it and Jason called him a liar. Howard and the guys talked about how creepy Rush is with his Viagra and Oxycontin.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard what he thinks about Warren Buffet giving away billions of his fortune to the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation. Howard said the guy was probably thinking about what he could do with the money while he's still alive since he's 75 years old. He figured he could wait until he passes away or just help some people out while he's still alive. There are some people who actually do care about the things that are going wrong in this world.
Robin said she was watching a show where they talked about how Bill Gates and his foundation are actually doing something about the real problems in this world while Congress is busy arguing over flag burning. Howard said that Warren Buffet is setting an example by doing this. A lot of people don't give away their fortunes and it's left behind for families to fight over. Howard thinks it's great that he's giving the money to charity and it's a great example for the world.
Robin said that Ted Turner was one of the first guys to do something like this but he didn't have quite as much money to give as Warren Buffet does.
The caller got Howard talking about the war in Iraq and then about the Hurricane Katrina disaster. The government isn't to blame for all of the problems down there because people abused the system so much as far as taking money they shouldn't have. Howard was talking about Social Security and Medicaid and how people have abused those systems and are bleeding them dry.
Howard said when Bill Gates and Warren Buffet give their money to charity and try to do something right, it's nice to see. The caller was telling Howard that he is the man after hearing everything he had to say about that stuff. Howard let that guy go and took a break after mentioning that this guy John is going to try and Bang Siobhan again today.
Andrea told Howard that she put that song ''I Want You To Want Me'' as her ring tone for KC a couple of years ago. She was also rambling a bit about some nonsense so Robin asked her if she was drinking again. She said she may have a had a few drinks. She was talking about KC as well and wondered if Howard was upset with KC for banging her.
Howard said that both of them are confused and suggested to KC that it may not have been a good idea for him to sleep with her because he doesn't love her. Andrea tried to explain how the whole KC thing happened. She said that KC came to her door while they were up at a hotel in Boston and that's where he banged her. She said that she never expected him to do that. She said that ''Zotard'' is the one who answered the door in her room. She didn't believe that it was KC there.
Andrea said that KC was very sweet to her and she was very happy when it happened. Howard wanted to know if Zolar left the room while she and KC were doing it. Andrea said that she and KC went back to KC's room and got in the bathtub. No words were spoken according to Andrea. She said she just knew what was going on. Howard tried to get the story down and found out that KC asked her to come back to his bathroom and things just started.
Andrea said that they did some foreplay. She gave him some oral and then KC wanted her in the shower real quick. She said she didn't know if he wanted it or not, she just did it herself. Andrea said that KC's friend was in the room so they went into the bathroom. KC then sat on the toilet with his penis out so she figured he wanted oral.
Andrea said it was actually very romantic. Howard said that the trick to getting girls is not sitting on a toilet with your penis out though. Andrea said they got in the shower after the oral since that's where KC wanted to have sex. She was very pleased with what was going on. KC asked her to go back to her room but she wasn't able to remember her room number so they had to go down to the front desk and ask.
Andrea said that she and KC are very much alike and people don't realize that. Howard said they're pretty sure they do realize that. Andrea told more of the story about going back to her room to have sex. She said she wasn't sure if KC blew his load during the oral. He did finish in her room and he may not have used a condom. She said KC will probably get upset if she talks about this stuff. She then told Howard that KC blew his load on her back because they were doing a lot from behind. She said she had an orgasm every time they did it.
Andrea said that she and KC always have fun when they hang out together. KC went out to gamble after the sex stuff. She had to get some rest so she stayed in her room and got some sleep. Howard said that KC could have stuck around to cuddle with her but he ran off to gamble instead.
Robin asked Andrea if KC was a good kisser. She said she didn't remember. She said she does remember that she was scared because KC was hiding her to make sure his girlfriend didn't find out about this. She said she was just calling in to let Howard know that KC didn't take advantage of her like he thought. She said she got a good friend out of this whole thing so she's happy.
She claims that KC is the only guy from the show who she has banged. Artie went into his Jeff the Drunk impression and said that he banged her. Andrea thought it was really him and told him to stop because she didn't bang him.
Andrea revealed that she's going to be tested for mental problems tomorrow and she's kind of afraid. She's going to be tested to see if she's bi-polar. Howard asked her if she hears voices and she said she does. She wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about it because she might start crying. She said she hears voices telling her not to drink certain things. Howard thought that sounded like an OCD thing.
Howard asked Andrea if her TV has ever talked to her. She said that hasn't happened but she sometimes can't look at herself in the mirror because she sees a picture of what she might see if she looks. Huh? Howard wondered if the voices ever tell her to do bad things to people. That doesn't happen but she thinks that people are after her and people think she's crazy even though she's really not.
Howard said that the mental issues are the reason he told KC it may not have been a good idea to bang this chick. Robin said that both of them are mental so it's like a match. Howard wrapped up with Andrea and let her go a short time later. She said she may be coming in at the end of the month to perform with this guy Trent Tomlinson but that's up in the air right now.
The guys all thought it was a very funny call. Howard had another clip to play. In the clip a reporter is outside of a courtroom doing a report about a guy who had the cops looking for him. The guy who the cops were looking for then walked up to the court and got on camera with the guy. The reporter spoke to the guy and asked him some questions. The guy said that his son didn't have anything to do with the crime and he wasn't going to admit that he shot his neighbor. It was a pretty freaky clip.
Lisa said that Shuli is at Siobhan's apartment waiting for this guy John to show up to bang her. So far nothing has happened. Lisa said that Sal may have put his foot in his mouth again with some racial comments. They will have a report on that. They will also be talking about the Riley Martin Drinking Game and how people are using that to get drunk. Lisa said that High Pitch Eric's apartment got a makeover by a web based TV show so they'll be talking about that as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they get rid of Eric the Midget from the show. Howard said he is like a soap opera and he keeps teasing them with the balloon flying thing. They won't be getting rid of him though. The caller also told Artie that the Mets rule and the Yankees suck. Howard went into a new Eric the Midget song parody to the tune of the Green Acres theme song.
Howard read that Star Jones may be announcing that she's leaving The View in July. She's been there for almost 9 years since the show started. Howard said the show's ratings have been going down and this may get people to start watching again. Rosie O'Donnell is joining the show as of September and Star may not want to be there for that.
Howard said Craig called him to ask if he was serious about doing a Sam Kinison play. Gary wondered why Craig will keep calling even after Howard has said on the air that he made a mistake by doing that. Howard said he used to talk to Craig a bit shortly after Jackie left and he's been using that number since then. Gary said that Craig got that number about 5 and a half years ago and he's still abusing it.
Howard said he was thinking about Aaron Spelling's death and how great that guy was because he put his daughter on ''Beverly Hills 90210'' because she couldn't get any work anywhere else. He said that with her looks she probably wouldn't get any other work. He wondered if his son could have convinced him to give him the Luke Perry part on that show.
Gary asked if they could bring Richard back from Siobhan's apartment because that guy John isn't showing up to bang her. That guy begged to try and bang her again and now he doesn't show up. That's the biggest let down. If the guy didn't want to do it, he shouldn't have begged to do it. Gary said he got a call from Dave Lerman who didn't want this guy to bang Siobhan because he wants to do the trivia contest where he may have to bang her.
Howard said he felt bad for Richard and bought him the TV just to help the guy out. It's not that he likes Richard more than Sal or anything like that. He read that Sal was saying he doesn't care about the TV. Gary came in and said that Sal was saying he really didn't care about the TV and gave him a new Riley Martin song parody so he had Howard play that. Howard wanted to put Sal back on the Friday Show after that because he's afraid he'd go nuts if he didn't.
Howard apologized to Sal about keeping the TV thing a secret. Sal came in and said that he's done voicing his opinion on the show because he just gets ridiculed. He's going to keep his mouth shut and just stay in the back. Howard said he kept it a secret so he wouldn't go nuts. Sal then asked Howard what he's going to do to compensate for that. Howard isn't going to do anything. Sal thanked him for giving him that great job and went back to his studio.
Howard replayed the isolated clips of Crazy Alice yelling at Artie the day they were going back and forth during the show. He was going to read some e-mail but he had to break first. He got sidetracked when he said he heard that Beetlejuice was arrested in a store after he was unable to pay for the stuff he ordered. Will came in and said that Beet's manager Sean didn't want to talk about it on the air but they may talk to him about it the next time he's in.
Howard wondered why they have a ''top 5 guy'' who has to e-mail them. Scott came in and said there's a guy from Billboard who e-mails them a list each week and didn't get one this week. He said he used to pull the top 5 from the list himself but this guy was sending it to them before the list came out. Howard told him he should just get the job done.
Howard went off on Scott for a short time and told him to get the job done, he wants that stuff available when he goes for it on his computer.
Howard said he learned from the movie ''The Devil Wears Prada'' that he has to be more of a hard ass as a boss. He had Fred play the songs that he had on his list so he played some Shakira, Nelly Furtado... and then Howard asked Gary why this job isn't getting the job done. Gary said that it's Sal's job and he was deflecting it to Scott. Sal was in Gary's office blaming Gary for deflecting it onto him.
Sal and Gary came into the studio to try and straighten this out. Sal said that it was Gary's responsibility and he forwards the mail to him and Scott. Gary said that's not true, he told the guy to send the stuff directly to Sal and Scott. Sal was saying that he was never assigned that job, he was in charge of including the song parodies with the real songs for Howard to play.
Sal was also saying that Scott is in charge of getting the top 5 songs ready for Howard to play. Sal was pushing it off on to Scott and Gary was still trying to put the responsibility on Sal. He asked Sal why he would get the Top 5 list from Billboard if he wasn't in charge of it. Sal said that Scott is in charge of loading the top five songs and he has nothing to do with it. Sal told Howard to remove those curly locks from his ears and listen to him.
Howard told Sal not to yell at him and then said that he has been in charge of the Top 5 since he took over for KC years ago. Sal wondered why Scott isn't taking blame for this. Gary said that's because it's supposed to be his job to watch over and make sure that Scott gets the job done. Howard kicked the three of them out of there.
After booting the guys out of there he saw that those three were arguing out in the hall. They didn't have any audio out there so no one heard what was going on at first. They eventually got a microphone out there and listened in as Sal and Gary were arguing.
Fred played Young Jock and Camillionaire as the number 4 and 5 songs. Howard said that Bad Day finally fell off the top 5 list.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who said that it seems like the staff is getting too comfortable there. Howard said that's because he's a nice guy and lets things slide but he owes it to his audience not to let stuff like that happen. He said it may be time for a shake up. He told Fred he was fired even though he had nothing to do with the disaster.
In one voice mail Wendy is singing her own song while drunk. Howard asked her what she's drinking. She said it's wine coolers. He played another message where she was singing about how she hates Gary the Retard. Her Karaoke machine was locking up so she had to call back to sing along to Super Freak.
Howard asked Wendy if she's worried about drinking killing her brain cells. She said she is but then rambled something about Artie. Robin wondered how many brain cells Wendy has to spare. Howard figured it was about 30. He asked Wendy what 12 divided by 3 is. She said 200. Howard blamed the wine coolers for her not being able to answer. Wendy said she ran out of wine coolers last night. Howard told her that he hopes this doesn't offend her but he thinks she has a beer belly. Fred got a laugh out of that.
Howard asked Wendy if she knows what a clit is and then asked her if her belly hangs over her pussy. She said yes to every question he asked about her cleaning that area and pleasuring herself in the shower. She said she can get over 3 fingers in there when she's pleasuring herself. She said she once put a pencil in there and tried to get a bowling ball in there. She also claims that she sniffs her fingers and they smell like cotton candy. She's also stuck her fingers in her ass and that smells like diarrhea.
Wendy said she really doesn't like Gary the Retard and she thinks he should grow up. Howard let her go after that and played a prank call they made to Gary the Retard recently where they had him stuck in a phony voice messaging system.
Artie said his father used to raise pigeons when he was a kid and he used to show him the birds up close when they'd work on the roofs. Howard asked the guys if they feel bad for lobsters when they get thrown into a lobster pot while they're alive. There was an article about this company that has banned the sale of lobsters because it's inhumane to treat them the way they do. Howard said he feels creeped out by that stuff. He read about another guy who has come up with another way to kill the lobsters by shocking them quickly instead of boiling them alive.
Scott DePace came in and said that he finds the killing of lobsters not to be any more inhumane than chopping the head off of a fish or something like that. Gary said that you don't chop a fish's head off right after it comes out of the water, you let them die due to the lack of water. Like that's any more humane. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that stuff and Howard told Scott to go kill a squirrel and put it on his head so he's not bald anymore.
Howard said he brought that stuff up just to find out what everyone thinks. Robin told a story about Jackie the Joke Man trying to cook some lobsters and how he didn't have enough propane to boil the water so the lobsters were simmered to death. Howard said he would probably electrocute the lobsters if he had to choose between that and boiling them.
Artie accepted her apology even though it wasn't much of one. Howard read through some e-mail after that. He got some feedback about the girls who were in for the Playboy evaluations yesterday. There were also people who wrote in about the Ralphie Cakes song that they've been playing a lot lately. Howard played the song and read through some other mail. Someone complained about the sound effects that Sal plays during the Friday Show. People were suggesting that they take them away from Sal before they ruin them. Some people think that Sal plays too many and at the wrong time. Howard said that means that Sal is off the show again...
Howard got an e-mail about George Barris because he didn't know who he was. The writer told Howard about the cars that the guy has created over the years. The writer called him the ''god of the custom car world.'' Howard told the guy to get over it.
Howard got a lot of mail about Cheap Trick's appearance yesterday. A lot of people thought they were great. An e-mailer asked if Robin has a crush on Bubba because she seems to get wet every time she talks about him.
Howard asked Ronnie if he wanted to talk about the behind the scenes stuff. As he was coming in they played his theme song. Ronnie said that it really was disgusting between the thermometers up the ass and all of that, it was gross. He said that Richard was in the bathroom talking about how he could piss from 5 feet away but he was pissing all over the seat and making a mess. He said it was like a geyser going all over the place. He told Howard he's got to watch it. There was also the segment where Scott gets yelled at for changing the board during the show. He said that was great as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Simple Life and how lame that show has gotten since it moved to E!. Howard said he doesn't care about E! anymore but they seem to have a way of taking shows and screwing them up. He said they should have been able to work something out with Paris and Nicole and make something out of it. They can't seem to pull that together though.
The guy was also asking for a CD of Crazy Alice calls and Miss Howard Stern singing. Howard said that he would suggested that Andrea not put out a CD because anyone on the show who has put out a CD hasn't sold too many. Jeff the Drunk is one of those people and his CD isn't selling all that well. He had to go to break after that.
Richard came in and said that turtle tastes kind of like gizzards or liver if you're into that. Howard wanted to know what a gooseberry was. Richard said it's a berry that's green and kind of makes your lips pucker up. He said that's actually pretty good too. He hasn't been out to Kansas since Christmas so he's looking forward to going back next week.
Howard asked Richard if his father takes a shower as often as he does. Richard wasn't sure but he remembers him taking a crap a lot because he'd leave the door open all the time. He said his mother showered a lot. That must be a girl thing out in Kansas.
Howard gave the pictures to Benjy to give Eric the word on her. Benjy is on Eric's good side. He told Eric that she's a very good looking girl so Howard asked Eric if they had his interest now. Eric said ''Maybe...'' Then he said that if they put that cartoon up on his Howard TV channel, then there's no way he's going to fly. Howard said he's putting the cartoon up there and he can't stop him.
Howard told Eric to check his e-mail while he was talking to him to find out what he thinks of this girl. Eric told him to hang on and he'd check. Howard said the woman isn't opposed to going out with someone who has a handicap so who knows what could happen.
Eric said he had to log on to AOL to check his mail. He got on and said that she is pretty good looking. Howard said the girl is willing to go out with him so he should go ahead and fly with balloons. Eric said he's still not willing to do it. He doesn't care that he's not going to meet this girl.
Howard was going to put the girl on the phone with Eric if he wanted to do that. Eric said he might be willing to do that. While they were waiting Eric was telling Howard that when he first agreed to do the flying it was low key, then it got blown out of proportion and they were talking about putting him in a Superman outfit and things like that. Howard said he doesn't have to wear that if he doesn't want to.
Gary said the other thing that Eric is afraid of is that he might not get into the Little People of America group. Howard said he doesn't need that group anyway. Howard did an impression of Eric and pretended to be another little person who was in the group.
Howard asked Gary what was going on with the girl. Gary said they couldn't get a hold of her. Howard told Eric they'd talk to him tomorrow. Gary told Howard they had a new Eric the Midget song parody. Howard played that one and it was to the tune of Sugar Ray's ''I Just Want to Fly.'' Eric said that Sugar Ray's version was better.
Gary interrupted and said they got the girl on the line right before Howard let him go. Howard told Eric to hold on while they get her ready to come on the air. Howard told Eric that it was tough to find a girl who didn't find him repulsive. Eric said he's not sure why Beth O doesn't find him repulsive.
Howard had this woman Valerie on the phone. He asked her to tell them about herself. She said that she's 27 , an ex-Hooters girl and she's in law school right now. She said she actually looks much better now than she did when those pictures were taken. She asked Eric if he was going to come hang out with her. He said that he would like to hang out with her but the flying with balloons thing is something he wouldn't want to do.
Howard asked Valerie if she would really go out with him. She said she would take him out dancing and party with him if he wants. She would treat him like a king and go on a real date with him. Valerie said she doesn't really have a boyfriend but she has been talking to a guy. She said anything is possible with Eric though and you never know if she'd be attracted to him.
Howard told Eric that he could be like David Blaine doing a stunt with his hot chick girlfriend standing by. Artie said something about him looking like an ''odd looking midget David Blaine'' which didn't go over too well with Eric. He said that's the kind of stuff that makes him not want to do this whole thing. Howard asked Valerie to send them some more pictures so they can see what she looks like today.
Valerie told Eric that bigger is not always better. She said that she takes care of a quadriplegic every day and has to wipe his ass for him. She said she can even lift him up and he weights 185 pounds. Howard asked if he could talk to the quad. She went over to him and held the phone up to him. He's on a ventilator so it sounded tough for him to speak. He was saying that she once blew out his urethra while inserting a tube in there though. He said she's hot and has talked about going out with Eric before.
Howard found out that Valerie actually pulls the doody out of his ass. She said she does that every other day for him. She pulls out the turds one at a time. She said she gets paid upwards of $30 an hour to do that job. Howard told her she's a saint and asked Eric what he thinks. He said it sounds interesting to him but he has to think about it. Howard thinks he's going to fly and he told him he knew that would happen.
Valerie said that he's got to fly when he knows he's got D-cups waiting for him when he lands. She was saying all the right things according to Howard. She was even saying that she might have some girls over once in a while for her man. She revealed that she's completely waxed down below and said she'd even come in and get waxed in the studio if they wanted to see that.
Howard asked Valerie if she's into anal. She said she's not into that and prefers to have it in her mouth or between her tits or in her vagine. Howard said ''Fuck Eric, I'm gonna fly.'' Valerie said she has a flat stomach and said she's not a fan of belly fat. Howard figured he was out then but she said on a man it's okay, just not on a woman.
Howard asked Eric where he was at because he should be pushing him out of the way to get to this chick. Eric didn't have much to say. Howard let Valerie go after that and said that Eric is very intimidated by girls. He told Eric that he'll never have a better offer than this. Eric still has a problem with the balloon thing. He said that he kept quiet because he's not that great of an interviewer and his radio show proved that. Howard told him he's got to have some kind of rap with the girls. He told him to call back tomorrow with his final decision.
Artie said that Eric seems to get depressed when he gets these great offers. Howard went into the ''I Just Want To Fly'' song parody again after letting Eric go. He said a lot of people are sick of Eric but he's pretty sure they'll get over that once he does the flying thing. He played the prank call that they had John Hunnerlach make to Eric the other day.
A phone caller said he couldn't believe that Eric wasn't ready to fly across the country on balloons to go out with that chick. Artie and Robin said that a lot of people want to see him fly. Howard is sure that they will get him to fly.
Sal said he would probably sell the TV to get money because he's really in the hole after losing a lot of money in the stock market. Gary came in and said that the TV is actually a 50 inch TV and not the 100 inch that was first discussed... So it's not a $20,000 TV, it's more like $4,000 or so.
High Pitch Mike from the news department came in and said that he wants to win the TV because these guys just want it to sell it. He wants the TV to keep. He said he's probably willing to do something that none of those guys were willing to do. He was willing to cover his face with Saran wrap and let Siobhan sit on his face for the TV. Richard said he would do that, so would Will. Sal said he'd bust up one of his eyes to look like Mike for that TV.
Will said that he's willing to let someone smack him in his face with their dick three times. Howard thinks that's one up on Mike's stunt. Artie said it would be tough for Will to go back to Philly after having something like that done. Howard asked the guys if there was anyone else willing to do the same thing. Sal said he might let someone fuck him in the ear to one up him.
Richard said he was willing to let High Pitch Eric shit on his chest... and he thought that was less gay than getting slapped in the face. Sal said that he would one up that one and let High Pitch shit on his chest, then kiss his balls before he wipes. Will was willing to let Eric crap on his foot and still take the penis in the face.
Richie Wilson is willing to get a tattoo on his ass that says ''Insert cock here'' and he'd keep it for a year. Howard thinks the dump thing is the worst out of all of that. Gary heard that Richie was willing to get the N-word tattooed on his arm and walk around Harlem. Richie said that was just a joke, he didn't want to do that.
Howard thinks that Sal is the top of the list right now. Will thinks that kissing the balls is no worse than taking the penis in the face. Mike wanted to have the fans vote on line for which is worse out of them all.
Ralph called in and said that taking the cock in the face is the worst because it's out of character for Will. Richard and Sal have been doing gay doody stuff for a long time now. Sal still thinks that doing the crapping thing is worse though. Ralph was sticking with Will and his stunt.
Ralph asked Will if he would let a guy do that if he had some cum on his cock. Will said there can't be any goo on the guy's cock. Gary said that Will's stunt is out of character but Sal's stunt is way over the top, even for Sal.
Richard said that he would let Eric crap on his chest and then wash it off with his piss. Howard said that's so disgusting that he's not sure he'd be able to watch that. Robin told Richard he was crazy. Will was ready to back out after hearing that one. The guys warned Sal and Richard that they could get really sick from something like that. They were talking about wearing goggles but that won't help if they get it in their mouth.
Mike said that he'd be willing to remove the Saran wrap from his stunt and have Siobhan sit on his face. Howard and the guys sounded like they were almost ready to go with his stunt at that point. Richie said that they should make him take that for 50 seconds, one second per inch on the TV.
Howard said he thinks he could take High Pitch Eric's shit on him easier than he could take Siobhan's fake vagina on his face. Will wasn't willing to go with the Siobhan thing either. Artie said he's thinking about Will because if he goes to a Philly game of any type, people are going to have T-shirts made up of him with a penis being slapped on his face.
Sal said that he would be willing to have all of these stunts put on a wheel and he'd do anything that comes up... as long as his wife lets him do the tattoo thing that Richie suggested. Mike came in with another suggestion. He said they could send Sal up to Harlem and yell out the N-word. No one was interested in that.
Howard said that this Panasonic TV is so great that all of these people are willing to do some crazy stuff for it. He gave them a plug and said you can check out the Panasonic TVs at PanasonicConcierge.com
They're going to put all of this stuff up on HowardStern.com so the fans can vote for what they want to see. Will was locked in with the penis slapping his face and a crap on his foot. Howard said Richie will do the tattoo thing and get ''Insert Your Cock Here'' on his ass. They had to decide on size and Howard told him to draw it up with an arrow pointing there. Gary came in and said he heard that Will and his girlfriend had to discuss all of this stuff last night. Will said that he was willing to add one more thing to his stunt. He would let a guy cum on his foot as well as the shit.
Artie said he would rather die than do any of the stuff these guys were willing to do. Howard said that High Pitch Mike will let Siobhan sit on his face with no Saran wrap on his face... for 50 seconds. Richard will let High Pitch Eric shit on his chest and wash it off with his own pee.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Will had better not show his face in Philly if he does this stuff. Ralph called back and said that Richie getting a tattoo isn't that big of a deal so they should switch up the stunts and have other people do them. Howard said anyone there can take on anyone else's stunt. He also asked Mike if he'd use his tongue on Siobhan. Mike won't do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested a stunt that was a little too much for them. Bobo called in and said that Sal should take it if he's willing to do any stunt that came up on the wheel. He was ready to take on the tattoo even though he said he might not be able to do that earlier. The other guys weren't willing to do it so Howard took that out of the equation.
Sal said that he will take Eric's shit on his chest and then he'll kiss his balls. High Pitch Eric called in and said he might have a problem shitting on someone on command because it would be in front of people. Eric asked if he could have a bucket of chicken to get prepared. Howard told him they'll help him prepare. He said his shit is runny sometimes so he needs that chicken to help him out. Sal found it funny that they're all doing this stuff for a 50 inch TV and all Eric wants is a bucket of chicken.
Doug Herwitt from HowardStern.com called in to make sure he gets things right on there. He read off all of the stunts and made sure he had the details correct. Doug was saying that they could have the wheel up as an option but Howard didn't want to do that so they're just going to let the audience vote on the gross stuff they had already.
Another Philly caller told Will that he'd better not show his face in Philly again if he does this stuff. Eddie the Produce Guy called in and said that he would be willing to bust a nut on Will's foot. He said he'd even slap his penis across his face if they wanted. Will said he doesn't want that ugly penis even near his face.
Howard took a bunch more phone calls and let the fans go off on all of these guys. Siobhan called in and said that Mike's stunt was ''pretty awesome'' and she'd be totally into that. The Howard TV guys showed video of Siobhan from her apartment playing with herself. Richard said that Siobhan likes to eat cat food and likes to walk around her apartment eating Whiskas cat food. She said she likes it and it's cheap so that's why she eats that stuff.
Siobhan said that if Richard went ahead and banged her, he'd probably win the TV. Richard said he's no going there and he'd take his chances with the shit on his chest. Artie asked Richard if his life depended on it, would he fuck Siobhan or Sal. Richard said he'd probably go with Siobhan. He apologized to Sal for the choice.
Artie said he'd be willing to go see ''The Devil Wears Prada'' for that TV. That would be out of character for him. Howard took some more phone calls and let some people suggest some more stuff. He then went over the list of stunts and said that people will be able to vote on HowardStern.com for the one they want to hear happen.
The guys spent some time waiting for someone to jump in and add stuff to their stunts but not much was happening. Will said he'd take piss on his foot but that didn't seem to help much. Mike asked for a drum roll and said that he was willing to let Crazy Alice sit on his face. That didn't fly so they suggested Rappin' Granny or Blue Iris... or Buck Angel. Howard told him to stick to Siobhan.
Artie threw out a ''I'll blow Ferrall!'' but he was just joking. Howard closed out the suggestions a short time after that and said that the audience now has the vote. He said this whole contest shows just how great a Panasonic TV really is. He went to commercial break after that.
Howard and Robin talked about what a phony announcement that was and how they should have said what they were really thinking. Robin got back to her news after that.
Gary came in a short time later and said that People magazine has posted an article about Star Jones saying that she came off the show and claimed that she feels that she was fired because her contract was not renewed for a 10th season. Howard and the guys wondered why she wouldn't say that on the air at the show. She pretended like she was quitting while making that speech of hers, then she runs off to People and claims that she feels she was fired.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:55am.
Howard said he sometimes thinks about changing the opening to the show because there are some debates about the song being too much. He said he has the same debate with himself sometimes. Fred said that the song is supposed to wake you up so it should stay. Howard asked him when he woke up because he was very talkative this morning. Fred was saying that he likes to hear music that pumps in the morning so that's why he likes that song.
Howard said that Crazy Alice has a bug up her ass about Ralph now. He played a voice mail she left recently where she went off on Ralph about The Friday Show. She called him names and goofed on his looks saying that he doesn't like pussy and stuff like that.
After playing that clip Howard played some prank calls that they made using Crazy Alice audio clips. They had her asking a woman ''Who's 'dis?'' and pissing her off. He also played the song parody where Alice calls Howard a Chicken bone neck, cock sucking Jew. Artie said that song will wake people up filled with all of that hate.
Howard played another quick Alice song parody and then took a phone call from a guy who said he was checking out one of those Chloroform movies that Howard ''recommended'' yesterday. Howard told him he didn't recommend anything, he just mentioned that he had them to watch.
Artie was singing the Crazy Alice ''Chicken bone neck'' song parody and the lyrics were pretty crazy so Howard played a little bit of it to see if he was singing them right... but he didn't make it through the whole thing.
Bong Hit Bill called in and said he finally got to see the Artie Roast on Howard TV and it was great. Howard asked him if he liked the roast or the behind-the-scenes special about the roast. Bill said he thought the back stage stuff was completely nuts so he liked that.
Howard said he does understand Rush not wanting to have his name on the prescription bottle like he was claiming. He said the guy is just a tool though and he's a big phony.
Howard also brought up a picture that's in the paper where they show President Bush jogging with a guy who has no legs. He and Robin talked about that for a short time and then Fred played some phony Rush Limbaugh statements that they made up using clips from his audio book.
Howard wondered if Rush has the right to have a prescription for Viagra without his name on it. He said he's got the lamest arrest record getting held up for the Viagra and, in the past, for Oxycontin. The guys wondered why he would carry the Viagra around in the bottle when he could stick it in a tissue and hide it that way. Robin said that you have to have the prescription bottle to prove you have a prescription so that's why he'd need to have the bottle.
Howard said to forget that case and just think about Rush walking around all fat with a boner from the Viagra. He was very disturbed thinking about that.
Now Barbara Walters is in a rage over the whole thing, but not on the show. She's saying that she was blind sided and betrayed by Star after she quit the view and then claimed that she was fired. Howard said that this could have made for great TV if they had done all of this on the air.
Howard read some stuff that Barbara was saying in an article and wondered why they're doing all of this stuff in interviews instead of doing it on the air. Barbara is saying that it's ABC that didn't renew her contract, not the show. It's ABC who employs her according to Barbara.
Howard read some stuff about Rosie O'Donnell coming in to replace Meredith Viera on The View later this year. There was also some discussions about Star Jones taking free gifts from sponsors on the show and using some of that stuff for her wedding.
Howard replayed the clip of Star Jones announcing her leaving the show and wondered why she didn't come out with all of that stuff on the air. He said that they're saying that Star won't be back today because the network kicked her out after the comments she made.
Howard said he loves this whole story and how everyone is melting down. Gary said he would have loved to have seen Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell doing the show together. Artie said he would almost watch the show if all of this stuff came out on the air. Howard was being driven nuts just thinking about how everyone is lying on that show.
The BET Awards came up after that. He and Robin spent a minute talking about that show and playing some clips where the stars brought up stuff they wanted to plug. Howard played a clip of Snoop Dogg introducing an award and calling Ice Cube ''my nig.'' Howard said he doesn't believe that those guys really talk like that all the time.
The band Outkast was getting in plugs for their new album and for a movie they have coming out around the same time. Howard asked Robin if she ever feels pressured to speak like that. She said she doesn't feel that way but she knows of people who do. She said she's seen people taking on a real black ''girlfriend'' type of act that they put on in front of certain people.
Howard said he used to talk black back when he was living in Roosevelt, Long Island. He said he was probably the original wigger talking the way he did back there. Robin said that there are people who speak like that who she would call ''professional black people'' who speak like that only when they feel it's needed.
Howard played some more clips from the BET awards where some guys were talking about being from the West Coast and how that's the best. Howard wondered where that comes from and why it matters where they're from. JD said that some guys actually go as far as to brag about the zip code they're from.
Howard replayed the Crazy Alice ''Who's 'dis'' prank call he played earlier. He let a fart rip while that clip was playing and told Artie that it really stinks. He said the food he eats is what makes them smell so bad. He was up really early in the morning starving but he figured it would be best not to eat.
Howard said he's like the only person he knows who doesn't watch ''Entourage'' but he saw the first two shows and didn't like it so he gave up. He said that Spike TV is doing a ''Blade'' series that starts tonight. He said they got a guy who looks like Wesley Snipes except a shade lighter. He said the show is getting good reviews. He said he'll watch anything vampire related.
Artie said that some fans think that Ralph knows something about that part of his life and that's why he keeps giving him jobs. Howard said that's not the case, he really thinks that he's good on The Friday Show. Howard said he was picking up everything from cocktail waitresses on up.
Howard went into a place to buy a chair one time and the chick in there was really hot. The chick came running up to him and offered him her number. He didn't say a word to her before that. He told her that he wasn't going to be that forward. She said she'd give him her number if he promised to call her. He took her number and never called her even though he promised to. The designer he had with him was looking at him like he was disgusting.
The woman who called in, Gouda, wanted to know what it was about Beth that made him stop dating. Howard said he was pretty sure after he met her that he wasn't going to date anyone else. He said she was very beautiful and he really cared about being with her. He said the more he was with her the more he wanted to be with her so he didn't want to risk losing her.
Benjy asked Howard how many chicks he was with before Beth after his divorce. He thought about that for a short time and said that it was about 25 women. That was within 6 months. He said that his relationship with Beth has actually gotten better over the past few months. They've been getting along very well and have a lot of fun together.
Howard talked about how he never talked to the girls about keeping their relationships quiet but he's pretty sure that they were so embarrassed by it that they would never talk about it in public. There was one woman who he was having sex with when his condom slipped off. He said he dropped a full load into her and she went right out and got the morning after pill to make sure she didn't have any kids. He thought that was really cool on her part.
Gouda on the phone asked if Howard found it odd that there were no reports about any of his other dates before Beth. Howard said there were some little reports but he kept them pretty secret. He didn't even introduce the women to his kids. Gouda brought up Mike Walker and asked if he thinks he would have brought that up in his column. Howard said Mike really doesn't out people like that and he probably wouldn't have said anything even if he did know something.
Benjy brought up an event back at K-Rock where Howard got really pissed off about something that was going on there and he ended up throwing a book in the studio. Howard said he gets very upset when he feels the show is being messed with. He has been able to control his anger over the past few years though so things have settled down for him.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Howard if there's anything about Beth that he doesn't like. Howard said there are some things. He said that when they start talking about certain things she will clam up on him and that makes him mental. He said they may talk about their families and she'll withdraw from the conversation. She's not confrontational and she won't get into certain discussions. That was just a fake scenario that he was giving to King, it's not something they argue about.
Howard said that last night he was talking to Beth about the time she got a massage and had a woman putting her hand on her vagina. She added a few new details to the story and he asked her to show her exactly how that woman put her hand on her but she wouldn't do it. That made him nuts and he just wants her to comply with his wishes. He said she didn't but he banged her anyway because she makes him so horny.
Howard said that massage story makes him nuts because he really doesn't know what happened because Beth isn't giving him all of the details. Howard told King that he had to get going but King mentioned a hot chick who does morning news on NBC there in New York. Her name was Darlene Rodriguez. Howard said he doesn't watch the local news anymore but he does like Liz Cho who is one of the local anchors. He said she's really hot and he almost passed out when he saw her walking down the street one day.
Howard and the guys were talking about another local anchor, Sue Simmons, and how she looks like she's had some work done on her but she looks really good. Fred looked her up and found out that she's 63 years old. Everyone was blown away by that because she looks like she's in her 40s. Howard also talked about Chuck Scarborough who is still hanging in there with Sue Simmons. He's actually 4 months younger than Sue Simmons but looks older than she does.
King told Howard that he was training on a bucket loader and fell off and hurt himself. He's now out on disability because of that. He said he's been out of work for about a week but he'll be going back soon. He said he gets up at about 11 in the morning and goes to movies for free. He said he buys popcorn and walks right into the theater at a Lowes theater in his area. He said they don't even check him for a ticket. Robin said they're probably short staffed for the matinees so he can walk right in.
King said when he sneaks into a movie... Howard interrupted him and asked him how old he is sneaking into movies like that. King said he's 40 years old. King said that the people look around for someone to take their ticket like they have to give it to someone. He feels like telling those people that they don't have to pay but he can't do it. Howard told King he had to go after that.
Artie was telling Howard that he saw Anne Hathaway on Letterman last night and she was really hot. Howard said he pictures her having a really big bush and he would go right down on it if he had the chance. Artie said she has a really beautiful face. Howard asked Artie how the interview went with her. He said people were applauding for the stupidest things and she could barely get anything out before the crowd was clapping. It was like the State of the Union address or something. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said he was going to have Leon Hendrix on the phone to talk about his brother Jimi. He said it won't be Sal or Richard calling in from the office and goofing though, it's really his brother. He got him on the phone after goofing on how Sal and Richard would handle it if they were the ones calling in.
Howard played some Jimi Hendrix music and told Leon that his brother was great and it kills him that he's dead. The guys wondered what Jimi would be up to today if he was still around. Robin thinks that he would have become a guy who would be playing for quarters on the street. Leon said he thinks he would have moved on to conduct a symphony or something like that. He probably wouldn't have stuck to what he was doing.
Howard said that Leon is a lot younger than Jimi. He asked him how old he is and found out he's 58. Jimi would have been 63 if he was still alive. Howard asked him if he thinks he would still be running around in those crazy clothes he wore back then. Leon said he probably would have changed.
Leon claims that he saw Jimi in his room, as a ghost, one time. He said he went through some tough times with drugs just like his brother did. He was touring with his brother so the drugs were always around. He smoked some weed and took some acid with him. He had some fun with his brother when they were out on tour. He said he and Jimmy had a couple of girls in a room together one time.
Leon told some stories about how he was put into an orphanage at the age of 9 because his father couldn't handle it financially. Howard asked Leon about how his father didn't leave him a cent when he passed away recently. He heard that all of the money went to his step-sister. Leon said that he loved his father and he didn't screw him over, he was influenced by other people.
Gary came in and said that the whole thing was kind of confusing and told Howard that the sister who got the money was a girl who was adopted. Howard wondered why he would adopt a kid when he had a kid of his own. Leon said his father adopted her because the woman he was with demanded that he adopt her.
Leon said that his father had to give him up after the neighbors complained that there were two raggedy kids running around the house. Howard didn't understand that whole story because his father sent him to an orphanage and not his sister. Leon said he still loves his father and doesn't hold it against him for giving him up.
Leon was saying that he's doing just fine even without all of the money from his brother's estate. He said he's trying to make a movie based on his life so Howard asked him who would play his part. Leon said they haven't decided on any of that. Lenny Kravitz was one of the people who they thought about playing the part of Jimi.
Gary came in and tried to figure out the will issue. He said that Leon's father may have dropped Leon from the will because of his drug problems but when he wanted to get him back in after his drug problems were over, it was too late. Leon tried to explain to Howard why he was taken out of the will but Howard didn't seem to understand it.
Gary heard that Leon was kind of upset about the way Howard treated his father but Howard doesn't remember treating him all that bad. He was Jimi Hendrix's father, he would treat him with respect. Gary said he had to go back and check his notes about that appearance to see what went on. Leon thought that there was a dildo involved but no one was really sure.
Leon said that he saw his brother in a vision one time and he was telling him to play the guitar because that's probably all he's got. He said when he plays in concert he has to ask his brother to help him out.
Gary came in and told Howard that there was some stuff in the notes about how he was asking Leon's father about the size of his penis and he may have used a dildo as a comparison to his penis. Howard said he didn't mean any disrespect by that and apologized to Leon. Leon said he knows Howard was just doing his show and he's actually honored to be on the show.
Howard played some of Leon's music and said the name of the album is ''Keeper of the Flame.'' Leon said people can go on Myspace and hear the whole album for free. He said he doesn't care if he sells any albums, he just wants to get his music out there. You can also check out his web site at LeonHendrix.com.
Howard found out that Leon was in jail at the time his brother died. He said he was out on the streets hustling stuff when he got arrested. Then he got put into the Army and things didn't work out to well in there. Howard started to wrap up the interview but Leon threw in another plug for the web site GothamMetro.com where you can find out more about this movie he's trying to put together. Howard let him go after that.
Gary told Howard that Leon was supposed to be involved with a Quentin Tarantino movie about Jimi but he somehow got taken out of that. He also told Howard that he found a quote from the Al Hendrix interview where Howard said something about how sad it was that he lost his talented son while the untalented one lived. Howard said he was just joking around back then and didn't mean it.
Lisa said that Steve Langford is working on a story about a Canadian company that's doing a demonstration talking about eliminating the smell of poop. Howard wondered what that has to do with his show. Lisa said that they're always talking about poop so that's why they're covering it. She went through a bunch of other things that they'll be covering today and got in a plug for the Intern Show that's airing tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Richard came in and told Howard how his father catches the turtles and how he shoots them to kill them. Some of the turtles can be up to 20 pounds. He said his father will tie a limb line and catch them and sometimes you don't know what's been caught when you see the limb moving.
Howard was asking a lot of questions about cracking open the turtle shell and things like that. Richard said he could probably get his father on the phone if he wanted to ask him. Richard said they have a deep freeze that they keep the animals in for cooking up later. Artie did his impression of Richard's father and goofed on him a little bit.
Richard said he likes snapping turtle so he is looking forward to it. Howard replayed the voice mail he got and then played a new call that Richard made to this scientist guy who does a public access show. Howard said Richard must be the only one watching the show because he's the only one calling in. In the call Richard claims to have worked for NASA and he got fired when he got caught fucking a moon rock. The guy went nuts and said he can't believe that his audience is following him around. In another call Richard says he got his cock stuck in a beaker. The guy hangs up on him each time of course.
Howard played a clip of Cabbie jerking a guy around back when they were on K-Rock. Cabbie pretended to be an AOL customer service guy and told the guy that he wasn't going to allow him to cancel his account.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard and said that she's been hitting the sauce like crazy lately. She left 29 voice mails for him last night while she was drunk. He said it would be great to send her to an AA meeting and listen in as she's going through that.
Howard played some of Wendy's messages where she rambled like a drunk retard on the phone. She wasn't really saying anything other than saying hello to Howard and calling him ''Daddy.'' She said she was hyper from the brownies she was eating. Wendy would then break into a song. Wendy said that she only had 3 beers the night before. She had 20 brownies as well. That led to Howard asking her about the number of dumps she takes a day. She said it's about 2 and she's a stinky mess after. Howard asked her a bunch of questions about that and Wendy was answering ''yes'' to everything he asked.
Howard said that Wendy's ass must get itchy and smelly and she probably doesn't clean it until she takes a shower. She said she will scratch her ass and smell it when she gets itchy. She said that she was telling the truth about that too. Howard asked her if she gets crap under her nails when she scratches her ass. She said she does and then she has to get it out with a nail file.
Robin asked Wendy why she doesn't get a job. She said she's been trying but she's trying to find the right job. She wants to have her own show on radio. Howard said he'd give her something like that and he'd have to get back to her later on that.
Wendy said that she's going to have some pizza to eat today and she's going to have 4 boxes of it. Howard said he looks into a crystal ball and sees Wendy's mother crying all the time. He thanked her for calling in a short time later and let her go.
Howard said he had a bunch of things to get to after taking a break. He said he's got to read a letter from Eric the Midget and also reveal the results of the poll they took yesterday about the crazy stunts the guys were willing to do to win a 50 inch plasma TV.
A caller told Howard he's really liking the streaming of the show but he would like to hear clips and stuff from the show available separately. Howard said he doesn't think that's a good idea, that's not what the streaming is for. He said that would be like letting the audience creating their own show. He had to go to break after that.
Gary came in and said that Doug Goldstein suffers from the same thing in a less severe way. He said his joints bend in weird ways. Howard got back to the demands that Eric had to do the flying. He was demanding a new laptop, a new Xbox 360 and a bunch of other electronic devices that he wants. He also demands that Howard not put the cartoon of him up on Howard TV. He was asking to meet other people from American Idol.
Howard asked Eric if that's all they have to do. Eric asked him where the second paragraph is. Howard told Eric that he's not going to give into his demands and he still thinks that he's going to fly. He told Eric that he's got a new picture of the girl who called in yesterday and she's extremely hot. He said he's sick of his demands. Eric cut him off and told him to shut up a minute.
Eric told Howard that he's not going to do this for someone who insulted Wendy the Retard who can't help herself. Howard told Eric that the only reason anyone writes to him on his Myspace account is because he's on this show. He might just start ignoring him and he'll watch as his Myspace account dries up. He wanted to send Eric the new picture of this chick who called in yesterday but Eric was on a corded phone so he had to switch over to a cordless.
Howard told Eric that he created ''Eric the Midget'' on his show. Eric said his parents created him 31 years ago. Howard said what they created was Ehilers Danlos Eric. He told Eric he's going to have his own cartoon on Howard TV and the cartoon is going to be great. Robin said it could become a whole series. Eric wasn't too thrilled about that.
Eric got the new picture of the girl who wanted to go on a date with him but he said he's not going to do the balloon flying thing. Howard said he must be gay then because that chick is hot. Eric said he doesn't trust Howard because of the way his staff prank calls him and things like that. Eric said he doesn't trust Howard that Valerie is even a real person. He thinks that she's one of the staff members. Benjy, who Eric apparently trusts, told Eric that as far as he knows she's real. Howard asked Eric if he lied to him about getting him on American Dreams or about getting him into some American Idol event so he could meet some of the people. Eric said no... but he seems to have forgotten about all of the things Howard has done for him.
Howard said that one way or another he will get Eric to fly. Eric said he's not flying and he's not doing it for someone who would say such nasty things about Wendy the Retard. Howard told Eric not to call the show and ask for stuff anymore until he comes to his senses. Eric told him that all of that stuff has to be done before he will fly on balloons. He told Howard to read the second paragraph of his letter.
Howard pulled the letter from the garbage and read that stuff. He was demanding that the guys in the studio dress in full drag. Howard asked him why he wants to see them in drag and not date this girl. Howard told Eric that they already dressed in drag for the book ''Miss America.''
Howard told Eric not to call him anymore, he wants nothing to do with him and he wants his Myspace account to dry up. The guys from Howard TV were playing the new Eric cartoon for them but they didn't have any sound. Howard told Eric that he's going to love it. Eric said that he's going to sue him over it if they air it. Howard said he can't sue him over that. Robin was laughing her ass off as she watched it.
Jessica Hahn called in and told Eric that he would have no life without Howard and he's not being funny. She sounded genuinely pissed off at him and went off on him for a couple of minutes. Howard told her to lighten up a bit. She said that Howard has been so nice to Eric and he's hoping that Howard dies. Jessica told Howard that Eric will have nothing without him and he doesn't realize that.
Howard let Jessica go and told Eric that she loves everybody. It's unusual for her to get pissed off at someone like that. Another caller told Howard he has to get rid of Eric and just cut him off if it's going to keep this crap up. Howard told Eric that this is backfiring on him and the public is siding with him. Howard said he's done with Eric and they'll just have to find a new midget for the show. Howard said he'll even get a hold of Eric's Myspace account and hand it over to the new guy. Eric said he already had someone hack his account. Howard said goodbye to Eric and told him there's still time for him to change his mind. Eric said he's not going to change his mind. Robin said that he's not to call in anymore unless he agrees to fly.
Since Eric is no longer on the show, Howard mentioned that they have a Wack Pack contest going on where they're looking for a new Wack Packer. He said that he may not even show the Eric the Midget cartoon because he wants him to disappear into obscurity.
The Wack Pack thing led to Robin trying to figure out just who is in the Wack Pack. She gave Howard a list of people and asked if they are in the Wack Pack. Here are some of those names that came up...
Howard read through some news articles and talked about Naomi Campbell's court date and how hot she looked when she went in. He read the article about the case that she was involved with. He also brought up the Rush Limbaugh story about the Viagra he was detained for at an airport.
Howard found another story about Viagra. A sex offender was caught with the drug and claims that the state prescribed it to him. Howard said that's pretty nuts that a doctor would give a rapist a drug like that.
Howard talked about a story about a guy in a kayak who flipped over and wasn't able to turn it over. He said those things are dangerous because once you flip over it's hard to flip back. He said he could never get in one of those things. Howard was going to move on to the results of yesterday's poll but he had to take another break first.
After the break Howard played an old clip of Elton John singing a song about him from many years ago. In the song he asks why Howard Stern isn't on TV. Howard said he is on TV now and the line about him staying with his wife is kind of outdated.
Howard played a couple of Rush Limbaugh song parodies that the guys put together. Howard said he had a lot of e-mail to get to but he also had the poll results from yesterday. He said that he got an invite from Madonna to go to her concert. As he was talking about that he mentioned that his cousin's Stacy and Michael were in the studio hanging out. He tried to talk to them but the microphones wouldn't work. Stacy is a gay man and some of his friends think that anything gay on the show is about them but Howard said that's not the case. He said that he thinks of both of them as being his family.
Stacy said that he and Michael have agreed to be Howard's ''gays.'' Howard said that they actually met while doing a speed dating thing. He said that gay speed dating works. Howard said he doesn't get into heavy topics with these guys, he doesn't want to know anything about that. He did say that he thinks that Stacy is the woman in the relationship though.
Howard talked about how Stacy had a lot of crap to put up with when he came out of the closet. Stacy said he came out thanks to Howard's mother. Howard said that Stacy wasn't always ''Stacy'' because that's not his real name. Howard actually heard one of Stacy's friends calling him ''Stacy'' when he was a kid and that's when he had an idea he was gay. He went and told his mother about that and she didn't believe it.
Howard said that his cousins swear that they've never done anal, they only like oral. They talked about how they do it about 3 times a week. They've been together for 10 years and they have been monogamous the whole time. Howard asked Stacy if he ever tried a woman. He said he's never tried it but he has kissed and felt a titty. Michael said he went out with girls in high school but he had a boyfriend on the side. He said he did some feeling up but never went all the way.
Howard joked that he's been with a guy but then he said that he's never been with one. Artie joked that he had done some stuff too but he was also just joking around... but Howard told Stacy and Michael that Artie has had a load shot on his chest.
Howard said he was prepared to give everyone the results. He held everyone in suspense and read through the things the guys were willing to do. He told Sal that he won't be doing his stunt, the audience doesn't want to see him. Howard congratulated Richard because his parents wouldn't have to suffer the humiliation of watching him get shit on because he didn't win either.
Howard said that Richie didn't get picked either. The two highest votes were for Mike and for Will. Siobhan let out a giggle when she heard that. Howard talked about the mess that Mike would have to put up with if he won. The In Demand guys showed some video of Siobhan's nasty fake vagina to show what he'd have to have on his face. Mike is still ready for it. Howard told him he hasn't won yet. He had Will there who was ready to take some whacks from someone's cock on his face.
Howard asked Will if he loves TV. Will said he loves football. He said that he didn't have to suffer from the cock in the face because Mike won with the Siobhan sitting on his face. Mike said he felt like this was the worst day of his life. Howard told him that this is going to stick with him and he'll always be reminded of what he did to win that TV.
Siobhan was still on the phone and talked about the open wound she has on her that's supposed to be a vagina. She said that she has to insert a stint into it to keep it open. She said that the doctors told her that after about 10 years it will become vaginal tissue.
Howard asked Siobhan to describe the smell of her fake vagina at it's smelliest. She said it smells like cheese after a while. Howard also asked her about the hemorrhoid that sticks out of her ass. She said it's not just one, it's many. She said that her asshole looks like a pussy because they're so big. Howard said they had a picture of that up in the studio. All of the guys let out an ''OH!'' when they saw that on the screen.
Mike said that he really likes reality shows so that's what he'll be watching on this new TV. Mike won the poll with just 27 percent of the votes. Richard came in with 26 percent. Mike asked if he could put just one piece of duct tape to cover his lips. Howard thought that was fair but the guys wanted him to add some time. Mike eventually agreed to do it for a minute and 10 seconds instead of 50 seconds. Mike said he didn't want to taste any of that fake vagina. Siobhan asked ''He doesn't want to taste any of my delicious poon juice?'' which made everyone audibly cringe.
Mike said he went to a Michael Jackson concert 5 years ago and the morning after was 9/11 so it was the weirdest 24 hours of his life. He said the next 24 hours are going to be just like that because he's going to see Madonna tonight and tomorrow he's going to have Siobhan sitting on his face. Robin told him to take Siobhan to the Madonna concert. Mike said he'd do that if they got him some VIP tickets.
Howard asked Gary how he got invited to the Madonna concert. Gary said he got a note from her agent Liz Rosenberg who is a fan of Howard's. He figures that she had to ask Madonna if that was okay though so Madonna must be okay with it.
Howard told Siobhan to get ready for the event so she said she's not going to shower after she exercises. Mike was wondering if he was even going to be able to do it. Howard said if he doesn't show up, they're going to have to let Richard do his stunt instead. Gary asked Howard what happens if Mike bails out after 30 seconds. Howard said he's out and they'll have Richard do it.
Sal said he's kind of glad he didn't get the win because his wife would go nuts if he got shit on. Benjy interrupted and said that he objects because Mike wants to tape his lips up and that's a change in the plan. Howard said he's going to get the smell down there so that's bad enough. Gary agreed with Benjy and said that it's really not fair to change it after taking the win. Mike sounded like he was going to back out at that point and hand it over to Will.
Sal told Mike to just kill himself afterward if he was so worried about it. Shuli came in and said that Mike was just about fired from the News department so he might as well go through with it now. Robin told Mike that he put this stuff on the table and he should have brought this up yesterday. Mike said he didn't know she was going to sit on his face hard like she was claiming on the phone this morning.
Gary told Howard that the In Demand guys had some footage from Siobhan's apartment. They showed that and it was Siobhan wiping her ''vagina'' and coming up with a green colored tissue. Howard said just getting that thing near his nose was bad enough in his opinion. Robin said that the voting was for what they put on the table yesterday and that's what they should stick to. Will said he didn't want to fight too hard for this because he didn't really want to get slapped in the face with a penis.
Richard told Mike not to swallow during the stunt and he should be fine. Sal told him that if he leaves the duct tape off, he's back to 50 seconds, not a minute 10. Howard said that either way it's going to be rough.
Howard had George Flowers, Steve the Intern and Jon Hein come in with their show previews. Artie was talking about how gross the stunt is going to be tomorrow. He said he was thinking of calling in sick tomorrow because he has no desire to see Mike having Siobhan sitting on his face.
George Flowers went through his Howard 100 News preview. Jon Hein was also there with his show preview. They played his ''Rich Nerd'' theme song and then Jon gave his show preview. They'll be talking about Siobhan and Mike's stunt that will be taking place tomorrow. After Jon was done Steve the Intern gave a quick rundown of what they have coming up on The Intern Show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard said he'd like to have Bob play a game every day where he calls a Chinese restaurant and tries to get them to say Chicken Chow Mein. That would probably last a long time because he would probably never get anyone to say it. Howard also played the Crazy Alice ''Who's 'dis'' prank call after the Crackhead Bob call.
Howard got back to the Charles Gibson audio clip. He listened to a short piece of that and said it sounded almost like Katie Couric's goodbye speech. Gibson sounded like he was about to cry as he was wrapping up. He got all choked up but Howard said it sounded like he was reading off a teleprompter.
Gary the Retard called in and asked Howard what Wendy the Retard's problem is with him. Howard told him that he's always saying bad things about her, that's why she's upset with him. Gary wondered if they should make up or something. Howard said he'll put him on the phone with her tomorrow and let them make up. Gary wanted to make sure they get that done before he has to go to work at 8.
Howard jerked Gary around for a short time by playing some Crazy Alice saying ''Who's 'dis?'' a bunch of times. Gary thought it was someone asking him who he was so he kept answering her. Howard eventually let him go and had Robin get back to her news.
Howard played a clip from today's The View where Barbara Walters talked about why Star Jones wasn't returning to the show today and how she was surprised by the news that she was leaving. Howard and the guys talked about how both Barbara and Star were lying on the show and not giving out the full details of what really went on. Both of them apparently agreed to be liars but then Star ruined the lie by telling People magazine the truth. That made both of their lies come out.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show at around 11:25am.
Howard said he was exhausted from going for a run yesterday. He said it was brutally hot out yesterday and he was running with a couple of other guys who really wore him out. He's been running lately but not up to his usual levels. He did keep up with the other guys though.
Howard said that Robin kind of attacked him on yesterday's Wrap Up show when she made a comment about the he and Beth don't really look like they belong together. Howard said she was also laughing nervously for way too long. He thinks that she really bashed him and went on way too long with the laughter.
Robin said she was just saying that Beth was a superior being as far as looks go. Howard thought that Robin was going a little further than that and it made him kind of sad. He played the audio clip where Robin made her comment about how there really isn't a physical match between Howard and Beth and how they don't really look right together. She laughed as the other guys on the show were sitting there shocked not knowing what to say.
Robin said Jon Hein sat there not knowing what to say so that made her laugh even longer. Robin said that Beth is gorgeous and she wasn't bashing him. She said that Beth's physical match is someone like ''Marcus Shankenberger.'' Howard thought it was just a strange comment coming from her.
Robin thought Howard was making a big deal out of nothing and all she was saying is that Beth is a model and he isn't. Howard said that wasn't what she said on that show. Artie said that SFN has him matched up with Wendy the Retard. Howard said he believes in the truth on radio and now it's come out from Robin.
Robin said she saw Howard and Ronnie walking down the hall together and thought to herself that they were a physical match. Howard told her he likes to mess with her and kept jerking her around. Robin said she's heard Howard joking around about his looks so she didn't think it was that bad.
Robin knew she was in trouble yesterday after she got the reaction she did in that room. Howard asked her how that car is that he bought her to remind her how he treats her. She told Howard that she's not a physical match for that car. She also asked Howard to burn that tape and never play it again.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that she can't imagine Beth and Howard apart at this point. She thought that Robin was trying to let Howard know that he should stop being so hard on himself and stop talking bad about himself all the time. Howard thanked Jessica for the call and Robin thought she was dead after that. Howard made her think that he might go on for a full four hours talking about this stuff.
Robin said that never even occurred to her during the regular show, it just came up as a joke when she heard a replay of Howard talking about how he didn't match up with Beth. Howard played Sal's apology tape as a comparison to Robin's apology to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's expecting an apology tape from Robin soon. Another caller asked if Robin has ever thought about being with Howard romantically. She said she hasn't. Howard asked Robin who the right person would be for him if Beth isn't a match. She said she's not going to choose people for him and didn't want to answer that question.
Howard asked Robin if him begin with Nicole Bass would be more of a match. Robin said ''no'' to that. Another caller told Howard to stop bitching and stop trying to make Robin feel bad about what she said. He thought she was just throwing a comment out there and he's blowing it out of proportion.
Howard said that when he was in college he did date a model. He said he just wanted to get that out there while they're examining his physical appearance. Robin said they're not talking about his physical appearance. Another phone caller asked Howard about all of the women he claimed to have dated back when he was single. Howard said there was a thread on SternFanNetwork, which he says he's going to stop reading again, where they talked about how it would be impossible for him to have dated 25 women in 6 months. He said they were attacking Beth's looks on there and he hates when they do that. Beth gets really upset when she reads stuff like that.
Another caller asked Robin who the physical match is for Howard if Beth isn't. He told Robin that Al Roker is the physical match for Robin. Howard took another one and the guy said ''Good morning ugly...'' He was saying that maybe Robin and Mr. X aren't a match... but he's never seen Mr. X's face so he wouldn't know. One caller told Howard that he looks like a buzzard and Beth is like a swan. Howard said that's basically what Robin was saying.
Howard said there was one guy from Time Warner who is mentioned in the article. He said that guy must have been really nervous waiting for that to hit the news. Howard read through the article and talked about how horrible that must be for those guys to have been banging this chick and then to be outed by her when she gets busted.
Since they were talking about guys cheating on their wives with prostitutes, Howard played Sal the Stockbroker's ''My Wife'' song parody where he sings about how awful his marriage is. He continued to read through the article and talked about how much of a mess the bust was for these guys.
Howard read that one of the guys who was busted had his wife drag him into the house as he was being asked about what happened. Howard and Artie were talking about how that might have gone down and did impressions of an angry woman busting the guy's balls. Howard said he wouldn't have ever gone home if he was that guy. Howard played another one of Sal's songs about marriage and how miserable he is these days.
Robin read a story where they said that one guy's wife didn't know anything about the story until the reporter asked about it. That woman said she thought they had that all wrong too. Howard said he's never seen a hotter call girl in his life and she'll probably write a book and end up in movies after all of this. It's kind of like the Heidi Fleiss thing but with hot chicks.
Howard said that the hooker chick was saying that she's only into chicks now. Howard said that any woman would probably be into chicks after being with the two guys named in the article. Howard brought up Rush Limbaugh during that conversation and said that Bubba was all over that story when he was listening to the show yesterday. That got him talking about Rush's Viagra and going down to the Dominican Republic for some unknown reason.
Howard said the funny thing about his own career is that all of the people they think are conservative and are against his show... and who claim not to be doing anything wrong are the ones who are up to no good. Howard said that all guys are horny and need to get laid. That's why these guys were going to prostitutes.
Howard said he was going to ban all attention to Eric the Midget but he has to put the cartoon up on Howard TV. He played the new call that Richard made to a clown to book her for a party. Richard puts Eric on the line with the woman and has him yelling at the clown. Richard had some great clips that he played along with really well during that call.
Artie mentioned he saw ''Superman Returns'' yesterday and he really loved it. He said it's probably the best super hero movie he's seen. Howard said he's also looking forward to seeing the new Spider-Man movie when that comes out. He got into a discussion about what he knows about that new Spider-Man movie. He said that the villains in the movie look great. They have Venom and Sand-man in the movie and it should be great. He told Robin he'll probably see that one 500 times.
Artie said he thinks he liked Superman better than the first Spider-Man movie. Howard said he thinks that the first Spider-Man movie was great and that might be his favorite. Fred asked if Howard was let down by the second one. Howard said he liked it but it wasn't quite as great as the first one. Artie said he liked the way they showed how Superman discovered the way he could fly when he was a teenager.
Robin said that Mr. X was telling her about how Superman was kind of flawed because both Superman and Clark Kent returned at the same time and no one noticed. Howard said a lot of people have pointed that out but in the comic books, Superman had robots that could fill in for him when he was needed in multiple places at the same time.
A caller told Howard that he's working on Spider-Man 3 doing special effects. He said they're shooting for 2 more days in New York and then taking some time off for a couple of months and then they start shooting again in September. The movie isn't due out until May. Howard thought it was coming out this summer. The guy on the phone said the costumes are great and the movie is going to be awesome. He said that Sam Raimi is a great director and a really great guy.
Howard said that Sam Raimi came to him back when he was on K-Rock and wanted to write with him. He said he would have loved to have worked with the guy but he was concentrating on his radio career at the time so he didn't hook up with him. Howard said Sam also did ''Evil Dead'' that was great. He also said that Sam did ''Dark Man'' which he really liked.
Howard let the caller go and said he was surprised that they were still shooting the movie. He thought they were all done with it.
Howard wondered if Star has some kind of deal with someone to do a show of her own. Robin wasn't sure. Howard said he read that Star's real name is Starlet Jones. Artie mentioned that he saw a picture of her when she was really fat and she really was enormous. Robin asked Artie if he's alright because she heard from someone that he looked like a pregnant woman walking down the sidewalk the other day. He said he's fine.
Howard played an audio clip of Star Jones talking to Ryan Seacrest about her ''firing'' and why she made her announcement on Tuesday morning. She also talked about The View hiring Rosie O'Donnell and how she had a problem with that. Howard wondered why Ryan Seacrest has gay music playing in the background while doing his report. He said they must think that it will get more people to watch his interview or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Star is really not liked out in the Hamptons. Howard was once at an event out there and watched Star picking at food on the table and kicked her dog in the head accidentally and didn't even realize it. He also saw her down in Paradise Island one time and saw her sitting at her table and eating alone.
Howard got into a discussion about what High Pitch Mike is going to be doing with Siobhan the Transsexual and how some people are thinking he won't go through with it. Howard said he gets creeped out by the smells that come off of Siobhan when she comes on the show.
Howard took a call from this guy Joey Blunt from Scott Ferrall's show, who said he's willing to bang Siobhan for that 50 inch TV. Joey was a day too late though. He's never seen her before either so he has no idea what he'd be in for. Howard told him that they may have to save this for a future contest. Howard asked Joey how Scott is doing there. Joey said he's having fun and enjoying doing the show there. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard played a clip of High Pitch Mike singing a song about having Siobhan sitting on his face and he sounded kind of like Neil Young so Howard said they should have him sing ''Old Man'' when he comes in. Gary came in and told Howard that KC Armstrong had showed up out of nowhere this morning so he'll be coming in after the break.
Gary said that a lot of people are requesting to hear Howard's first day at K-Rock and they are going to have to clean up the tape because it was recorded on a cassette on a boombox. Howard said Tom didn't want to tape the shows back then so they didn't have professional recording equipment to save the shows. Howard said that's one of the things that he brought to the radio industry. He said that radio was so horrible back then that they didn't even save tapes of radio shows back then.
Howard said that he is the hall of fame and no one else has any business being in there. Gary said that he's right because no one else was ever offered as much money to do a radio show as Howard was to go to satellite. That led to the guys talking about Mancow and how he was interviewed recently, by Chaunce Hayden, and he was claiming he had never heard Howard Stern and that Howard had sold out. He also claimed that he was offered the chance to move to New York to do radio but he turned it down. Howard said that guy is full of it. He said that no one else in radio has ever done what he's been able to do. He had to take a commercial break a short time later.
Howard replayed the call that he played earlier where they had audio clips of Eric talking to a clown. After that Howard asked Artie if he was eating pancakes because he could smell them. Artie said he did have one, but Howard said it was huge. He said it was like the size of a birthday cake. Artie said it was regular sized pancake but Howard kept saying that it was like a deep dish pancake or something. He had Jason pick it up to show it to Robin. She was amazed at how big it was. Artie had poured 4 things of syrup on the thing. Howard complained that he had just eaten a thing of strawberries while he's eating a giant pancake.
Howard asked him if he would ever think of eating the pancake without syrup. Artie said he doesn't put butter on it, but he has to put syrup on it. Robin said maybe a little less syrup with a little bit of butter would be better. Howard said he could eat the pancake plain. Artie poured a fifth pack of syrup on the pancake and Howard couldn't believe he was doing that.
Howard was reading Star Magazine and talking about how great some of the stories were in there. He said one of them was about Britney Spears and how she hired a ''Manny'' instead of a Nanny. The caller Howard had on the line was telling Howard how funny some of the stuff on the show has been lately. He mentioned the Crazy Alice stuff they've had lately and how funny that stuff can be. He said he's laughed his ass off out loud at work and people think he's nuts.
Howard had Gary send in KC since they had to prepare a few things for Mike and Siobhan. KC came in as Fred was playing his gay theme song. KC had problems with his headphones and mic as soon as he put them on. Artie said he misses KC and he was getting a little nostalgic seeing him there.
KC said that Artie looks like he's happy eating that pancake. Howard said that these two are close because they both have so many problems. Artie was at an intervention for KC one time and was actually yelling at him about his drinking. Meanwhile Artie has drinking problems himself.
Howard said he used to think that KC was a really normal guy but it turns out he's really mental. KC said he may be a little strange but he's not that crazy. Robin reminded Howard that he once let KC take care of his daughter when he brought her up to the station one time. Robin thought that KC would make a great father at the time but she didn't know just how crazy he was.
KC said that he did unravel a bit back then. Howard said this must be a reunion day because he's having dinner with Jackie the Joke Man tonight. KC complained that he had e-mailed Jackie and he didn't hear back from him. Howard and the guys goofed on Jackie and had some fun doing their impressions of him. Howard said he likes Jackie and he's looking forward to the dinner. He knows that he'll be paying for dinner though. Howard wondered what Jackie wants and if he's going to be asking him for a job. Robin thinks that he will have an idea to do something on the show and he has to talk to Howard about it.
Fred did his impression of Jackie and goofed on him about the stuff he'll probably be talking about at this dinner. Artie said that's weird because Stuttering John is in town and he called him to talk about going to a Yankee game.
KC said that he'll never forget the time that Jackie chased him around his house with his wrinkled up old penis at a party. Howard said that was a gay moment for Jackie. They talked about those old days when Jackie had his big parties out at his house on Long Island. KC remembered his sausage fingers and how gross they were as he would prepare the food. He also remembered Jackie sticking a finger up a guy's ass one time.
Howard brought up the story about Jackie brushing his teeth with someone's toothbrush after he stayed over at Mike Gange's house. They spent a short time on that and then Howard got back to KC and asked him how he's doing. KC said he's on a few meds right now to keep him stable. He said he has to take that stuff, it's the only answer for his mental illness. He drinks with that stuff though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knew KC was a problem back when they would have hot chicks on the show and KC would hate on them. Howard said he's heard that KC is getting laid a lot out there in Los Angeles now. KC said that's thanks to Johnny Fratto. Howard brought up how KC had sex with Miss Howard Stern and got a blumpkin from her. KC didn't think he had done that but remembered he may have been sitting on the toilet when she blew him.
Howard played a couple of Richard Christy's classic song parodies about KC. That led to them talking about Richard Christy and how out of control he seems to be these days. Howard asked KC if he heard about what High Pitch Mike was going to be doing today. KC didn't know all of the details so Howard filled him in and had Gary bring Mike in so he could talk to him.
Artie asked Mike what his favorite show on TV is. Mike said that he likes ''Run's House'' on MTV. Artie said that's the show that he's going to be watching on his 50 inch TV after having a transsexual sit on his face. Howard described what Siobhan did to her penis when she had it turned into a vagina. Mike said he's been seeing pictures of what a sexual reassignment looks like on SFN too.
Mike said that if Siobhan is going to sit on his face, he doesn't want him moving around. The Howard TV guys stuck some images of Siobhan up on the TV screens in the studio and had the guys cringing while they looked at them. KC sounded disgusted by them.
Howard had Siobhan come in a short time later and said that Mike looked like he was going to pass out. Howard said that Siobhan is bald so she wears a scarf on her head. She also has green teeth from a Popsicle that she ate on the way over to the studio.
Siobhan thought that KC was Mike when she came in. Howard had to tell her that it was the other guy who was Mike. She noticed the petroleum jelly on his face and she didn't seem to have a problem with it. Siobhan said she doesn't think that she'll be making contact with Mike's face when she sits on him. Mike said that he doesn't want her sitting on his nose because he's going to have a piece of tape on his mouth to keep that clean.
Howard told Mike that he wants to hear him sing some Neil Young but Mike said he doesn't know that kind of music so he wouldn't know where to come in. Howard told Mike that he would rather be shit on than have Siobhan sit on his face. KC said that the green tongue that Siobhan had was really bothering him.
Howard asked the guys if they were ready to see this. Mike said that his family doesn't have SIRIUS so they don't know what's going to be going on. Siobhan said that her fake pussy smells like a certain brand of stinky cheese. Howard was talking about how hideous Siobhan was and asked her to take off her panties to gross Mike out. He told Mike to sniff her panties. He didn't do it. Siobhan sniffed them herself and said they were actually pretty perfumy.
Gary said that he was going to give the ''go'' signal to Siobhan when they ere ready to have her sit on Mike's face. Howard asked Mike if he was ready to go through with this for a TV. Howard had Siobhan take off her skirt so her ass and fake vagina were exposed. Howard laughed his ass off when he saw what was going on. Shuli came in and said that he could smell her from where he was standing and it looked like there were two balls shoved inside of her. Robin said it was all crazy because everything was in the wrong place.
Howard told Mike to get down on the floor and do it. Mike said ''let's get it over with...'' Howard said that Mike has to endure this for a minute and 10 seconds since that was the deal they made yesterday. KC said ''look at that dude's ass'' when he was talking about Siobhan's naked ass. Mike prepared himself and got the tape ready for his mouth. Siobhan said that this just shows how great Panasonic TVs are because this guy is willing to go through this ordeal to win the TV.
Mike said that he didn't know he was going to have to go through this stuff and he won't be able to look anyone in the eye once he's done. A caller told Howard that there was still time to put a stop to this. Robin asked Mike how the Madonna concert was last night. He said she played a bunch of her old stuff and it was a very good concert. Howard asked Mike if he was going to back out or go through with it. Mike said he was still ready to go through with it, he's a man of his word. Howard told him his life was going to change and he would have that smell stuck in his nose for years.
Mike wanted to make sure he had a minute 10 and not a second longer. He then got down and the clock was prepared to go. Mike was trying not to look up while Siobhan got ready to go. There was some confusion about when to start but they eventually had Siobhan on Mike's face. People were letting out sighs and couldn't believe what they were seeing. Mike was trying to hold his breath but he did give the thumbs up to Gary to let him know that he was going through with it. Artie couldn't even look at what was going on. Mike endured the full minute and 10 seconds and then ran out to clean up his face. Fred played a car peeling out sound effect as Mike ran out.
Howard said that Siobhan kept her ''mangina'' on Mike's face the whole time. She said she could smell her own smell as she sat there so Mike had to have smelled it. Robin asked Howard if he was going to tell Mike that there was no Panasonic TV.
Howard had a mic on Mike so he asked him if he was okay. Mike said he thinks he's okay. He asked him how the smell was. Mike said it was like dead bodies and he couldn't even describe what it was actually like. Howard asked Mike what he was doing out there. Mike said he was wiping down with betadyne wipes and he looked blacker than Robin does. Howard told Mike he had won the TV and he hopes he enjoys it. He said he hopes he can put all of this behind him. They got a camera on him but his mic was breaking up. Howard spent a short time talking about that and told Mike that he was hurting Siobhan's feelings by wiping down his face like that. Siobhan said that wasn't offending her.
Howard said Mike looked horrible and he should stop wiping down with those wipes. Shuli said that Mike was out there changing his clothes and saying that he was going to burn them after the show. Mike came back in and got to see what he was actually doing when the Howard TV guys put the video up on the screens in the studio. Howard said it looked like an alien monster on Mike's face.
Howard took a couple of calls and let some guys go off on him. They were making comments about him being gay and goofing on him about what he had just done. Howard gave Panasonic a plug since they supplied the TV. He said you can check them out at PanasonicConcierge.com.
Mike asked Siobhan why she couldn't have just been a gay guy instead of having a sex change operation. Siobhan said that she was always a woman inside so she wanted to be a woman outside. Howard told Siobhan that they have a couple more guys who are willing to have sex with her now so they'll be able to take her virginity eventually.
Mike said he's afraid that he's going to break down after doing this like KC did back at K-Rock. KC told him that there are plenty of meds out there that can help him out. Mike was goofing on Robin about what she was saying about Howard yesterday and made a comment about her being fat. She shot back with a comment about his lazy eye and then he came back with a comment about how she can't change the color of her skin. Howard said Mike may have made that comment because he was still under the influence of Siobhan's mangina.
Mike said that the smell of Siobhan's vagina is worse than the smell of the World Trade Center 2 days after it collapsed. He said he was down there and knows the smell. KC was laughing like a little kid as they were talking about the smell and how gross Siobhan's fake vagina is. Siobhan told Mike that her hemorrhoids were dangling on his duct tape before.
The guys were still kind of shocked that Mike had made that racist comment earlier. Howard asked Siobhan why she doesn't shave down her bush. She said she doesn't like when she has ingrown hairs so she doesn't do it. She said she may have a waxing done when she can afford it.
Howard asked KC about the weird stuff he does taking stuff apart out in California. KC said he tries to make things better but he's also paranoid and has to make sure there's nothing weird in there. He said he thinks there are cameras in places where they shouldn't be and things like that. KC said he doesn't want anyone to watch him and that's why he takes that stuff apart. He thinks that the government could be watching him or something like that. He doesn't think they have a reason to watch him but he wants to make sure they're not.
KC got in a few plugs for his things. He mentioned his DVD and the Beverly Hills Angels thing. He said that you can get his DVD at DieLaughingDVD.com and also mentioned BeverlyHillsChoppers.com. Howard wrapped up with him and then thanked Siobhan for coming in to do her thing. She got in a plug for CityCritters.com. Mike jokingly said that he wanted to plug ''AboutToSlitMyWrists.com'' because he was so freaked out by what he had just done.
Gary asked Siobhan about her financial situation right now and found out she's in really bad shape. She claims she can't get a job and her brother is in a bad way as well and he's the one who loaned her the money for her operation. Howard wanted to give her something as a prize for coming in. Gary said they could give her 3 orders of Carson's Ribs or a copy of Riley Martin's book ''The Coming of Tan.'' She said she can't really take the ribs because she doesn't have a stove or a refrigerator. She said she would rather have 10% of the revenue from a special they put together of this whole thing.
KC mentioned that he got his rehab guy fired when he brought him on the show the last time he was on. He said the guy was really nice and he wanted to get an autograph for him from Howard. Howard said he'd do that and went to commercial break a short time later.
Robin didn't get where this was coming from because she never did anything to him. Mike was trying to come up with something but he kept talking about how nice Howard was and how she's not like him. He's pretty sure that he's not going to get invited to another one of her parties. He wasn't even invited to her last party so that kind of hurt. They got back to the commercials a short time later.
Howard said that he got a tape from their FCC rally from a fan who took it about 20 years ago. Artie said it was about 19 years ago and he was there for the rally. The guys spent some time talking about that rally and some of the other rallies they held over the years.
Howard said that this guy Jerry Fallwell is up to his crap again. He played a clip of him talking about how the worked has gone sex crazy and how people are out there having sex and making babies out of wedlock. He also said that you almost have to be homosexual to get recognized in the entertainment industry these days. He mentioned Ellen (Degeneres) and ''all the rest'' as people he's praying for an hoping to save their souls. Howard mentioned a bunch of people who are in the business and who aren't gay. Fallwell is picking out a few people and making it seem like that's the norm.
Howard played some audio of this preacher who curses like crazy on his show when his callers piss him off. Richard Christy came in and said that this guy is kind of an unknown guy. No one is sure exactly who the guy is because the clips they have came from back in 1997. He said they wanted to find out how he was so they could call him but no one can find him. Howard played more of the cursing preacher audio and said he'd like to put him on between Bubba and Ferrall's show.
Howard took a call from a guy who was telling everyone how great they were. He said that he once called a call girl and she turned out to be a 9. He claims that it only cost him $20 though, not the $50,000 that was mentioned in the news articles this morning. Howard said there's a whole other world of prostitution out there these days. He said Artie was telling him about the chicks out in Vegas and how some of them could fool a guys' mother because they're so good looking and nice.
The caller spent a little more time talking about the whore. After that Howard said that he wants to put an offer out to the two guys who were caught as a result of a prostitution bust. He said he'd like to put cameras in their houses so they can watch their wives going off on them.
Howard ended up talking about Rush Limbaugh again. He wondered why the Howard 100 News aren't going after that story. He said Steve Langford should be reporting on that instead of poop stories or stories about Shuli. He told Gary to book Rush to come on the show.
George Flowers showed up and talked about what went on with High Pitch Mike and Siobhan. Jon said they'll be talking about that on The Wrap Up Show. They'll also be talking about Mike's anger after that event and how pissed off he was for some strange reason. The guys said they had to hand it to Mike though because he did go through with the event.
Jon said they'll also talk about Robin's comments from yesterday's Wrap Up Show. Howard said he got a lot of mail about Robin and started to read through some of that. Some people want her fired. Another guy wrote ''shut up'' about 50 times in the e-mail. Fred said that one was actually edited because the guy actually wrote it more than that.
Howard had Jon finish up his show preview and then had George Flowers get to his news preview. George mentioned some of the stories they would be covering on today's Howard 100 News. George mentioned that they'd be talking about Jon Hein's money. Howard said he heard that Jon had thrown $100,000 at his wife so she could remodel the house. Jon said he did say that they were going to do some things around the house and told his wife they could spend that much. Jon tried to remember who he told about that and eventually figured it was Sal who was spreading the word. George wrapped up his news preview and mentioned that Scott Ferrall will be a guest on tonight's Superfan Roundtable show.
The caller asked for a clip of Eric barking really loud at Howard but they didn't have those pulled yet. Richard said he's working on them.
Howard mentioned that they have a picture of Siobhan sitting on Mike's face up on his web site. He said they had to blur some of the stuff out in the pictures but that stuff will be uncensored on Howard TV when it becomes available tomorrow night.
Howard read an article about Tori Spelling and how she learned about her father's death from a friend instead of from her mother. There are rumors that her mother was visiting a family friend while Aaron was dying but the mother is claiming she wasn't doing anything wrong.
The woman said she's not sure if her father is attracted to her or not. She also said that she thought that kids slept with their fathers all the time but her friends told her that doesn't happen. She said her mother passed away a few years ago and he hasn't been dating since then. He's 60 years old and she just wants to make him happy again.
The caller said that she looks kind of like one of the girls from ''Sex and the City.'' She's had sex with 3 guys in her life. Robin said that she should see a psychiatrist and not pursue the guy. Artie told her to pursue it and then call them back with the results.
Howard said that maybe she could ask her father to give her a bath to get into something like that. She said she has seen her father naked in front of her before so she knows what he looks like naked. She thinks that there aren't any guys out there for her right now and this is the guy she would like to be with. She told Howard about her fantasy about having sex with him all night long and she's completely attracted to that.
Howard thanked her for calling in and said that her mother probably wouldn't be happy with something like this. She said that she's dead so she's not there to know about it. Robin told her that if she wants to make her father happy, she could find him a woman to date instead of offering to sleep with him herself. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard heard that someone saw Mel Karmazin walking through the Howard Stern wing there at SIRIUS. He said he heard that Mel was asking why he never sees him around SIRIUS. Howard said he told Mel that's because he never comes down to visit them in their ''wing.'' Howard said he won't go up to Mel's office on the floor above.
Howard said they were talking about the band Hum the other day and wondered what happened to them. Someone wrote in and told him that RCA dumped them when their album bombed. Then their tour bus crashed and destroyed all of their equipment according to the guy. They're no longer playing together.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was a dealer down at the Borgata Casino down in Atlantic City and dealt to Howard and KC when they were there. She was telling Artie that she's looking forward to Artie coming down next week too.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who talked about the tiff that Howard and Robin had earlier in the morning. Howard wanted to replay the comment that Robin made about him on yesterday's Wrap Up Show so Gary had to let him know where it was located. The caller thought Howard was being a little sensitive about the comment but Howard said he really didn't care that much. He replayed the clip though so he must feel something. Howard said it was kind of like Robin was sticking a knife in him and then twisting it as she laughed at her comment about he and Beth not being a physical match.
Howard and Fred were saying that it was shocking to hear something like that coming from Robin. Coming from someone else wouldn't be so surprising. Howard wanted to move on with the show, if possible, so he had Robin start her news.
Shortly after Robin started her news Howard was asking if Dana was going to be at her Girls Night Out dinner tonight. That led to the guys talking about wether or not it would be right for Robin to have Dana there since she's not with Artie anymore. Artie didn't have a problem with it. He said that she's become friendly with Robin and some of the other girls so if she went, he wouldn't have a problem with it.
Ralph called in a short time later so Fred played the Ralphie Cakes song parody before he could get out a word. Ralph said he goes around singing that song all day long and that's the only problem with it, he likes it a little too much.
Ralph wanted to comment about Howard and Beth's looks when they're out together. He thinks that they actually look pretty good in photographs and he can't believe Robin is going around talking about them like that. Howard let him go a short time later and had Robin get back to her news.
Gary told Howard that he thought Mike and Robin were done fighting but Mike went back and recorded a song about her. He told Howard where to find the song and he played it a short time later. Mike sang ''Fuck You Robin'' to the tune of ''Rockin Robin.'' The guys figured that Mike didn't do that on his own and probably had help from Sal.
Howard found a shot of Lisa Rinna that some Paparazzi took and she has a better body than may women younger than her. She's 43 years old and looks great according to Howard.
Howard said he decided to write a letter to Cabbie since he's getting out of jail in about 6 weeks. He's been ignoring his letters until now and he's going to tell him that he's written to him a bunch but the letters must not be getting through. He has no idea what to tell him in the letter but he does feel bad for him. He told Robin that Cabbie may come out of jail and ask to stay on her boat. He thinks he lost his girlfriend so he's going to have a hard time when he gets out of there.
They came back from break and Robin got back to her news. Howard asked her who is on her guest list for the girls night out tonight. Robin said she's having Bonnie (Ronnie's wife), Toni Coburn (Howard's hair stylist), Tracy (office manager), Beth (Howard's girlfriend), Alison (Fred's wife) and Howard's assistant Laura to the dinner. Robin said she wasn't able to get organized and invite Gary's wife to the event so Howard put the word out that she must not be enough fun at the dinners so Robin left her off.
Ralph came in during the news and told Howard he was watching the Siobhan thing from earlier in the morning and it was really gross. The Howard TV guys played some of it for Howard and the guys and they were all grossed out by wheat they were seeing.
They goofed on that for a short time and then Yucko the Clown called in and complained that the ''crazy beaners'' out there in Scottsdale, Arizona were running leaf blowers at 7 in the morning and it was driving him nuts. He said that he's living out there with his girlfriend now, that's why he's out there. Howard said Yucko might be a big man on the phone but he's much different off the phone. He saw Yucko with his make-up off for the first time at the Artie roast and it was really creepy. He said he looks kind of like Billy Joe Armstrong from the band Green Day.
Robin finished up her news around 11:30am. Howard took one last call from a creepy caller who claimed to be a woman who was going to have her tits cut off in September. Howard said he didn't want to hear that and just wanted to go home. He said they'll be in tomorrow with some Playboy chick. He ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started off the show playing a classic prank call they made to Gary the Retard one time where they had him asking an operator for the phone number for 1-800-FLOWERS. He didn't know that was the actual number. Howard said that's one of his favorite phone calls.
Howard asked Robin how her dinner went last night. She said it was fun so Howard said Robin always has fun. She seemed to think he was goofing on her but he was just saying that she always has fun parties and stuff. He said he forgets that she's a girl sometimes and she likes to do stuff like that. Robin mentioned that Beth snuck away from the table and paid for dinner at one point. She and the girls were surprised that she did that. Howard said he offered to give her money for dinner but she used her own money.
Howard said Beth buys stuff for her parents sometimes and they seem to think that he's the one buying the stuff for them. He said that turns him on when a chick works and has her own money to buy stuff. He talked about how Beth figured that Robin gets stuck paying the bill all the time so she went up and paid.
Robin also said she got some chocolates as a thank-you from her. Howard said that was a thank you for doing an interview for Spike TV. Howard said they're doing some kind of profile of Beth for Spike so they're interviewing certain people for that show and Robin was one of them.
Robin said the people from Spike asked her what makes Beth so special so she talked about what she thought of her. Artie was also interviewed so he told them that Beth is special because she gets great weed. He was asked to give an example of why she's so great so he talked about a story where Beth bought some clothes for a student of Dana one time. The kid didn't have any shoes so Beth went out and bought some shoes for the kid.
Artie said he gives away his old clothes to those kids as well. He said that the kid was really excited about the sneakers that Beth got for him and it meant a lot to that kid. Howard said that Sal was in on that special as well and he got in something about Howard in the interview. Artie said the kid who was doing the interview was really into the interview and it was almost kind of creepy.
Howard asked Fred what he said in the interview. He said he talked about how nice Beth is because she doesn't spit in his face when she walks by him. Howard wondered what this Spike profile thing is all about. He's not sure what other women are on the channel. He said Beth mentioned one other woman's name but he had no idea who she was.
Howard talked about how great the Blade TV series is on Spike. He watched an episode recently and the 2 hour opener was like a movie. Artie said he can't get into shows like that. There are so many baseball games on he barely has time to watch anything else.
Howard said it's nice to see a good show like that on a cable channel like that. He said it makes you wonder if anyone is going to find the show because there are so many channels out there. He talked about one of the women in Blade and how hot she is. He was telling the guys about how that wiped the image of Siobhan's fake vagina out of his mind. He wondered how High Pitch Mike was after going through what he did yesterday.
Howard said he got a lot of mail about that Mike and Siobhan thing. A lot of people were freaked out by it and said that it was the worst thing they've ever done on the show. He said he can't wait to get that stuff on Howard TV though. He also mentioned that Doug Goodstein told him that they're going to be rerunning the World's Biggest Hemorrhoid Contest on Howard TV soon. He said they had to blur it out when it ran on E! but now they can run it uncensored. Artie talked about that contest and how gross it was.
Howard read through the e-mail he got about Mike having Siobhan sit on his face. A lot of people were so grossed out that they said they were throwing up and never wanted to listen again. One person said that Mike deserved a million bucks for doing that.
Howard read some mail about Mike's attack on Robin from yesterday's show. There was also feedback about Robin's comments about Howard and from the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he actually told Beth that Robin had said something complimentary about her. Robin said she had to explain the whole thing to Beth because she didn't know the whole story from Howard. Howard read some of the mail he got about that and people were really pissed at Robin for what she said.
There was one guy who wrote in about how Robin was correct about Howard and Beth not being a physical match. Howard said some of those comments really hurt. Gary snuck in a comment about Howard and Beth on that same show but Robin's laughing was the thing that made her's even worse than his.
Howard said he heard that Mary McCormack was on a celebrity poker game recently and some people were telling him to get her back on the show because she's so hot. One writer told him that she's got great tits so that got him talking about how he got to feel her up when they shot ''Private Parts'' since she played his wife. He said that feeling her tits wasn't part of the script, he just did it. He said the kissing wasn't even in the script in one scene, he just went ahead and did it.
Robin said Mary looked like she was caught by surprise in that scene and the one where he kissed her after their wedding scene. Howard said that was another scene he improvised the kiss in. He said he thought about fingering her but couldn't figure out how to do it. He also did another scene where he unbuckled her pants and stuck his hand down her pants.
Robin mentioned that David Spade has been getting some great guests lately and he had Jessica Alba on his show last night. Howard said that Spade really puts a lot of energy into his friends because he seems to call him a lot. Gary came in a short time later and said that David had Velvet Revolver on the show and tried to sing ''Suffragette City'' with Scott Weiland. He told Howard they had the audio for that so Howard played it. Spade was singing along with Weiland but the song sounded like a big mess according to Howard.
Howard and Artie said that they probably would have preferred it if Spade had sat down at that point in the show.
Gary asked if it came up in conversation that they've asked him to do the show a bunch of times. Howard said that never came up. He said he just wanted to get dinner done with and go home and watch Blade on Spike TV. He said Jackie came over and it was good to see him. He said he really likes the guy a lot.
Howard said Jackie came over to his building and then they walked over to dinner. He said there was a little business discussed at the dinner. He said it was cool and it was nice to hang out with him. They talked about hanging out socially but Howard says that hanging out with him is tough because he doesn't have a lot of time for that. He said he asked Jackie about his divorce and how his life is going now.
Gary said that Jackie has a pretty wild life because he goes to the Caan Film Festival every year and his good friend is Morgan Fairchild. Howard said that's what he heard too and that's really weird. He said Jackie met her at the film festival and she was a fan of the show so she knew him from there. Gary said Jackie has good friends who are in the film business who invite him to the film festivals and stuff.
Howard said Ralph gave him a copy of Aeon Flux because she liked it so much. That led to Howard talking about how Superman opened yesterday and it didn't do as well as they expected so they're already calling it a failure. Gary said it made $28 million on it's first day. Spider-Man made $40 million on it's first day years ago.
Howard said Artie has a bag that's similar but not what he's looking for. It's too big for him. Artie said the bag was made by Rawlings, that's why he has it. He said he has no sense of style and doesn't know what looks good. He told Howard that he's got a lot of stuff to carry around but Howard didn't think he had all that much.
Artie went through his bag and told Howard what he had. He showed the pile of stuff, which included a Sam Simon script, and a few other things. Howard said there really wasn't that much in there. Artie mentioned that he had an article from Variety about Beer League and it was a positive one. Howard asked him to hand it over so he could read it.
Howard saw that they're calling the movie ''Artie Lange's Beer League'' now. Artie said that wasn't his idea, that was the distribution company's idea. Howard read through the article and tried to find something interesting in the article. He wanted to read a real review but it was more of just a write up about what the movie is about. They did say something about Artie looking relaxed in the movie and that might be the best review he's ever gotten.
Howard asked Artie to show him the spot where they actually said something positive in the article. Artie pointed out a couple of things and convinced Howard it was good because there was nothing negative in there. Howard congratulated him on that and said that's great for him.
Howard wondered if Artie is going to end up over 300 pounds. Artie said he hopes not and he will be dieting. Robin asked Artie when he's going out to Vegas next because he probably wants to look good for the chicks he bangs out there. He's going out there in a few weeks.
Howard wanted Artie to stay fat and try to get up to 320 pounds. Artie doesn't want to do that. He said he's actually been wearing stretch pants. He said he's booked an acting job that he has to lose weight for. He said the HBO show ''Entourage'' has asked him to do a spot on the show so he has to lose a few pounds by July 20th. He has to take a day off to shoot the show though. Artie thinks he can lose about 20 pounds in 3 weeks but Howard thinks he's out of control and there's no way he's going to make that happen.
Artie said his manager was advising him to lose a few pounds even though that won't lose his job. He doesn't want to give away that part. He said the guy from the show saw him in Beer League and then saw him on The Best Damn Sports Show where he had gained a few pounds.
Howard told Artie he'll probably start dating but he'll end up being at the same weight he is now by July 20th. He'll probably start dieting on July 15th for the July 20th shoot. Artie went over and got on the scale in the studio and shot right up to 276 pounds. Artie thought he was at about 280 so that was actually good news for him. Howard said he's already lost 4 pounds in his eyes.
Howard had the guys measure Artie's waist and they found it to be 51 inches. Artie said he's gained over 70 pounds since last summer when he shot his movie. Howard said he was going to take him out fishing over vacation but he's afraid that he'd sink the boat. Artie said he hasn't been fishing in about 30 years so he'd love to go.
Artie said that he'll be doing a scene with Jeremy Piven in Entourage and he really should play the part a little thinner. He said the part is really funny and the writing is really good on that show. He said he's really going to try and lose the weight but he's got some things coming up this month that won't help him as far as his weight. He's doing a show with Dice Clay on the 7th, then he's going to Pittsburgh to do a show out there and then he's going to the All Star game out there.
Howard said he can see Artie going off the deep end eventually. He said Artie will probably lose it when he goes out to L.A. To do a guest spot on Entourage and he may just freak out again and lose it mentally like he did last year. Howard said they need to get Artie a whore out there and have her telling him how hot he is.
Artie said that in the role he has he has a smoking hot fiancee. The chicks on that show are insanely hot and they describe her as having a ''rock hard body'' in the sides that he has. Artie said that people still laugh at him for gaining 2 pounds in the Bally's Weight Loss challenge they did a few years back. He is going to try and lose that weight over the next few weeks but it's going to be tough.
Artie said he can really lose weight but he's also very extreme when it comes to eating food when he gets hungry. Howard said that it was really weird going out to dinner with Jackie because he's no longer drinking. Jackie thought it was strange too because in the past Howard was the one who didn't drink and now he's drinking.
Howard said he was watching Artie walking down the street the other day and he looked like he was having trouble walking. Artie said this is the heaviest he's ever been so that's probably true. Howard thinks that Artie will be up to 280 pounds by the end of today's show. Howard said Artie must have to answer ''yes'' when a doctor's questionnaire says ''Have you had any major weight gains or losses recently.'' Artie said those questionnaires are really depressing because they ask about the use of illegal drugs and if you've ever been treated for mental illness. He has to answer yes to all of those things and then he has to list the drugs he's used in his past.
Howard told Artie that if he ever writes a book, that stuff should be the cover of the book. Artie said he's been asked to write a bathroom book that has stories about his drug use and stuff so that could happen some day. Artie said he has to say that he's been hospitalized for drug use and things like that as well. He said he also talks about drinking when the doctors ask about that. He used to drink a half gallon of Jack Daniels a day.
Artie talked about the breakfast he had this morning. He said it's a Jersey thing called Taylor Ham and Eggs which is like a pork roll. He'll be eating that and other things this morning. Howard had to go to break but he took a phone call from a guy who said he thinks that there's no way Artie will get to Entourage under 283 pounds. Howard thinks he's going to get up to 290 and he'll starve himself for a few days and get back down to where he's at now.
Artie said that they may fire him if he's too fat by that point and he doesn't want that to happen. He really likes the show and really wants to do the show Howard noticed that Artie had finished up the case of Devil Dogs that a fan brought in for him. Artie said he's been putting his fan mail in that box since he finished them up. Howard said that Artie's crap is piling up there and he really has to take it home. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he came in very early this morning, at about 5am, and saw a hot chick standing in the lobby. He said that it was this guy Buster Pointdexter's chick. He works on Meg Griffin's channel there at SIRIUS.
Artie was telling Howard about the lyrics to David Bowie's ''Suffragette City.'' Howard read them and then sang along to the song as Fred played it for a few seconds. That led to Artie saying he may have found another AC/DC song where they use the N-word in the song. It was a live version of ''Who Made Who'' from Donnington. Fred tried to find it but he could only find a studio version.
Howard had Fred play the studio version of the song and Robin said she used to like it until Artie said they may have used the N-word in it. Fred had to play through about a minute of the song before they got to that line. He said he'd tell Howard when they got there. They had to sit through a lot of the song to get there though. They thought he was singing something about a ''nig*** town'' or something like that. Fred said he didn't have the rewind function on his computer so Howard told Gary to make that happen. Gary said he needs to see exactly what Fred needs so he should come to him after the show. Howard told him to just make it happen.
Robin said she's pretty sure that it was the N-word from what she could hear. Howard got to that point in the song again and replayed it to see if that's actually what they were hearing. Fred somehow made it happen on his computer. He played it a few times and it did sound like it was ''...you got no life in a nig*** town.'' Fred said that the line is supposed to be ''got no life in an 8 bit town.'' There was no way that's what he sang in the song though. Robin jokingly said that she's going to have to boycott AC/DC after hearing that.
Lisa said that they spoke to Eric the Midget about how he wants to be an official greeter at the Arco Arena out in California. She also said they'll have their Howard 100 News in Review on Howard 100 at Saturday at noon. Then they rerun that on Sunday around 2pm on Howard 101. She wished everyone a good vacation after that and took off.
Gary said he worked with a guy who was into girls wearing rubber clothes. He didn't get that one at all. Howard said the web site is HerBicepsCam.com. He read some of her bio and talked about some of that stuff. Howard then played a call that Sal made to Nicole not too long ago where he tried to have phone sex with her.
Howard said they really should investigate the story to find out if that's what Rush was doing down there. He and Artie did their Rush impressions and goofed on him for a short time. They were also playing some Rush audio clips that Richard created using Rush's audio book.
Howard said that Debbie Schlussel has been all over the news lately. He said she was on MSNBC the other night talking about how Superman is coming across as being wimpy and gay but no one really cares because it's a fictional character. He said the interview is really kind of boring but he asked Gary where the clip was so he could play it. He had it a few seconds later so he played the clip where Debbie complains about how wimpy he is. She was also complaining about the values and the messages that they're getting across in the movie.
Artie as kind of pissed because Debbie was blowing a major plot line in the interview. Howard apologized for that because he really didn't know that she was giving away the story so much. Debbie was also complaining that they took out the line ''Truth, Justice and the American Way'' from the movie. She was saying that his muscles have been taken away in the movie as well.
Howard and Artie did their impressions of Debbie and goofed on her about her ridiculous complaints about a fictional character. The host of the MSNBC show was laughing at her and was almost being treated like the God Hates Fags woman. She went as far as to complain about the color of the red on his costume saying that it was a muted red instead of a bright red. Howard said that Debbie isn't one to talk about fashion because she had the worst taste in clothes and fashion.
Howard brought up the news story about this prostitute who has been in the news lately. The woman who is accused of being a Madam, Andreia Schwartz, is actually married but she doesn't keep in touch with her husband all that often. The guy who she was married to hasn't seen her since February. Howard read through the article and it says that the guy only sees his wife about 3 times a year.
Howard said he's kind of sick of this Star Jones vs. Barbara Walters thing. He had a clip from Larry King where Star was talking about leaving The View and how she went to consult with a pastor about what was going on. She told Larry about praying for what was going on. Robin said that she's always talking to a pastor because she never knows what to do.
In another clip Larry King asks Star why she made it seem like she was quitting instead of acting like she was fired like she actually was. Star started to explain that but Howard cut her off and said he gets nauseated just hearing her speak. He said it's boring to hear her speak. He did play another clip though and listened to Star talking about why she had to lose weight and why she did it and how she's always said that she had a ''medical intervention'' to lose the weight. She wouldn't say that she had an operation though.
Howard said that Star is such a fuckin' liar when it comes to that. Larry asked her if the medical intervention meant surgery. Star's response was ''what else could it mean?'' Howard said that would be like Artie robbing a bank and saying that it wasn't a robbery, it was a financial discrepancy.
Howard played another clip where Star talked about an agreement she had with the network but Howard was so bored by it that he stopped playing the clip to try and figure out what the hell she was talking about. They dropped that and moved on to another clip where Star and Larry talked about Rosie O'Donnell. Star claims she went to Barbara Walters and asked her about why they hired Rosie. She claims that Barbara told her it was a business decision. Howard said this is turning into a whole saga between Star and Barbara.
Howard found one clip where Star talks about her husband. She claims that he told her to keep a stiff upper lip and move on. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that interview was a bunch of bullshit and went off on Star for a short time. She said that Star is acting like she's someone but she's really not.
Siobhan said that she does remember wanting her father to play with her as a child but the whole family had the same problem. Siobhan said that if she was born right, maybe Howard would have gone for her. Howard said that her daughter might have a shot with him because she's beautiful. Artie said that her daughter has a shot with him. Siobhan said she'll pass the word along to her.
Siobhan is looking for a clone of Howard to bang her but Howard told her that Joey Ramone is dead already. Robin asked Howard if he was caught on an island with Siobhan... Howard cut her off and said that he would drown himself and there's no way he'd be stuck on an island with Siobhan. He did thank her for participating in yesterday's show though. He said he's going to try and forget about what he saw during vacation and he'll be drinking a lot to get that out of his head.
Howard changed subjects and said that there's a new vaccination to get rid of the Human Papaloma virus which is sexually transmitted warts. These scientists came up with the vaccine to get rid of this virus because it's believed that it causes cancer. They want to give young girls the vaccine but there are religious groups out there who are against it because they preach abstinence and don't believe that it would be a problem. Howard said that's unbelievable to him.
Howard brought up another story about a 12 year old kid who died on a ride at Disney. At the end of the ride the kid was slumped in his seat and was dead. Robin said that she has stopped going on rides because they're so violent these days. She said that Mr. X got a concussion from a ride one time and that got her to stop. Howard said Robin used to love going on the rides. He once went on Space Mountain at Disney and he was scared out of his mind on that.
Artie told a story about a friend of his who used to jerk people around by making them think there was something wrong with the ride right before someone would go on the ride. The guys talked about the crazy rides and eventually moved on to talking about Air shows and how dangerous those are. Artie said that even NASCAR races are crazy because tires will go flying into the crowds.
Howard read an article about this guy Bob Woodruff who ended up getting blown up over in Iraq. He lived through it but they ended up giving Charlie Gibson the job. Now Bob is hanging out over at Good Morning America trying to get a job there. Howard said that's the kind of treatment you get at ABC for getting blown up over there in Iraq. He said there must be something going on with Woodruff if they won't put him on the air.
Eric said that he has a meeting with NBC because they may want him to do the show ''The Biggest Loser.'' Howard wondered what Eric's last name is. Eric wasn't saying but Fred was able to find it on Wikipedia. Eric said he doesn't want people hearing it on the radio so Howard wouldn't mention it.
Howard said he doesn't think Eric would be able to lose weight on that Biggest Loser show. He'd probably end up having a heart attack and end up suing them over it. Howard wished him luck anyway and said that he probably won't pass the physical.
Eric said that he's up to 319 pounds so Howard told him that Artie is at 278 pounds. Artie corrected him and said that it's 276, not 278. Artie was grossed out by Eric's phlegm and said it sounds like he's coughing up butter and cum. That led to the guy asking him if he's ever taken it from a man. Eric says that a man has never fucked him and he's never done anything gay like that. Howard thinks he'd fail a lie detector test if they gave him one about that stuff.
Howard let Eric go and played a classic call he made to Eric the Midget as Kelly Clarkson back when they were at K-Rock.
Ronnie said he loves her show and he likes her. She's only there because of him too and she knows it. Howard told him that she had better be a good guest. The guys were saying that Ronnie carries around a picture of this chick in his wallet but Ronnie said that's not true. He once showed Howard a picture of her and stuck it in his jacket pocket. He's never put a picture of her in his wallet.
Howard and Ronnie were saying that they had a conversation yesterday about who they would bang if they were stuck on an island... Wendy the Retard or Siobhan. Howard said he and Ronnie both picked Wendy because she's a real girl but Ralph actually picked Siobhan.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about going down to Florida and what he likes to do down there. That got Howard talking about his trips down there for a short time. Another caller asked Howard if he enjoys anal sex. Howard said he's only done it a couple of times and one time he hit a turd with his penis so that kind of turned him off to it. He said the chick just grabbed his cock and shoved it in there but he didn't like the feeling of hitting something in there while he was doing it. He said there was another time where he banged a chick and there was crap all over him afterward. He's into vagina, not anal. The caller said he had a turd pop out after he banged the chick anally. The guy said he likes the tightness of the ass because it's like a little baby. Howard said he had to get out of that conversation after hearing that.
Tiffany in on SIRIUS 198 which is the Playboy channel there. He asked her if she was a Playmate. She said she wasn't, she was just on Night Calls for Playboy after getting the job after an audition. She said she has since done a bunch of nude shots for Playboy but she was never a Playmate. Tiffany talked about the advice show she does and gave some advice on giving oral sex. She said women need a lot of spit to get it lubed up. Howard said he hates when a girl spits on a guy. Tiffany said she doesn't like when they hock one up too so the girl should just go easy and come up with a lot of spit without hocking it.
Howard said he's had a couple of girls give him oral so good that he's done in 30 seconds. He wishes that he could bring the women on the show to talk about it but he can't. There are other women who aren't good at it and you just want them to stop. Howard thinks that Robin would not be good at oral but Tiffany said she was looking at her mouth and thinks she'd be great.
Artie was saying that the chick really has to be into it to get a guy off. Howard said he doesn't think that's the case with all of them. He said this one chick he was with he never had sex with. He said the chick put her mouth on him and he just exploded.
Howard said he thinks Tiffany is really good looking. She told Howard that she's 38 years old now and she's finally figured out what to do. She said she used to be a professional dancer and used to tour with Bette Midler. Howard asked her if Bette Midler ever came on to her. She said that never happened and laughed just thinking about that.
Tiffany told Howard that she's married after he noticed her ring. Howard asked her if she's got any kids. She said she doesn't have any and it's not like she hasn't tried. Howard said that a lot of people don't realize how hard it is to actually have kids. Tiffany said that she gets calls from guys who haven't had sex with their wives in 8 years. She advises them to tell their wives that they are supposed to be there for things like that.
Howard said that guys don't just want to have sex, they want romance just as much as a woman does. Artie said there are times when he just wants to get laid and doesn't want the romance.
Howard asked Tiffany about a story he heard about her. She was living with Ryan Seacrest out in L.A. for a while. She claims that they never had sex even though they shared beds once in a while. She said that they lived in the same building for a while, it was kind of like a Melrose Place type of house with Ryan and Mario Lopez living in the same building trying to make it in Hollywood. She said she had an old man boyfriend back then and she would go in and share a bed with Ryan.
Tiffany said that this guy she was dating was in his 50s and paying for all of her stuff. She said she was like a whore but she learned that she likes to make her own money. She said that she would eventually tell the guy that she wanted to go out and make her own money. She was grossed out by the guy but she would get really drunk to sleep with him. She said he had ears that would peel because of some kind of yeast condition he had.
Howard asked Tiffany about Ryan and how he was to live with. She said that he never put any moves on her while they were living together. Howard said that if she was living with him, he'd try to make it with her. She said that Ryan did make out with her a couple of times but they never went any further than that. Howard asked her if she thinks he's gay. She said she really doesn't think he is. She said he would mess around with her but they never had sex. At the time it was okay with her, she didn't need him to ''stick it in.'' Howard said that Tiffany is an attractive girl and if the guy was normal he would want to stick it in her.
Artie said that does sound weird to him. He said that if you live with a guy like that for that long she must have seen him with a chick. She said she knows that he's dated recently. She didn't remember him dating anyone when she lived with him though. Howard said if she was laying naked in his bed, making out, feeling her tits, he would have to stick a finger in her and make her wet. Tiffany said that does sound kind of fucked up.
Howard asked Tiffany if her pussy smells or something, maybe that's what turned Ryan off. She said she knows her's doesn't stink. She said she will check it once in a while to make sure she's not smelly. If she is smelly, she'll go clean up. She said she gets a lot of calls about that problem from guys who have girls with smelly pussies. Howard said that Beth takes a bath every night so she always smells good. If she isn't clean she won't let him go down there.
Tiffany said that guys have a bad stench sometimes too so they should clean up. Howard said he cleans up but his penis is so small that he dribbles piss on his balls which makes him smelly.
Artie and Howard both think that after what they've heard from Tiffany, Ryan could be gay. Tiffany said that she thinks that he's just a Metrosexual and maybe he's just very picky. She said that she really doesn't recall him wanting to bang her even though he would go as far as to suck her tits while they were messing around.
Howard asked Tiffany how things are going at the Playboy channel. She said she loves the show and she gets to hear a lot of weird things. She said they could be paying her better but she's enjoying the job. She also talked about her husband and how both of them have been cheaters in the past but now they both have an agreement not to cheat. She said that some guys who don't have sex with their wives for 8 years are bound to cheat on them but the women are almost asking for it.
Howard talked about his 6 months of freedom after his divorce and how he thinks he was with 25 women in that 6 months but he's not sure because he lost count. Artie thought it was great that he lost count. He also talked about how great Beth is and how much she's into him. Howard said he had the desire to bang chicks when he was married but he would never do it. He said that women would come up to him and say they just wanted to fuck him and he had to turn them down. He said he was going berserk back then.
Howard was saying that there really were chicks, on the level of Jenny McCarthy, who would tell him they wanted to have sex with him but he couldn't do it. He said he just likes to know that women are that into him though. He said he would think about those chicks and beat off sometimes but he never did cheat.
Gary came in and said that Howard would pay a lot of attention to women like Amy Lynn and Tempest the striper when they were off the air. That's how into these chicks Howard was. He would talk to them a lot off the air. Howard said he had a ton of chicks who wanted to hang out with him when he was married.
Howard told Tiffany she was a nice chick and a good interview. She got in a plug for her show that airs at 2pm on channel 198. You have to ask for access to the channel but it is free on SIRIUS. You can check Tiffany out at TiffanyGranath.com.
Howard took a call from a guy who thought Seacrest sounded a little gay in that conversation. The guy also brought up the night that Howard was naked in bed with Rebecca Romijn but didn't do anything. Howard said he's told the story before so he wasn't going to get into all of the details. He said that she was naked in bed with him but John Stamos and Beth were in the next room and he's so into Beth that he didn't want to screw things up. He heard from Beth that John has a big penis too so that didn't help. He said he just wanted the two of them out of the apartment after hearing that. Howard said that's not the same type of thing Tiffany's Ryan Seacrest story.
Howard said the whole thing with John Stamos got creepy with Beth and she didn't want to go that far with him. Tiffany told a story about John Stamos and how she ran into him one night and got the feeling that he and Rebecca were a bit rowdy and might like to swing. Howard said he got that feeling as well. Tiffany thought it was cool that Howard knew a month into his relationship with Beth that he didn't want to screw things up. Howard said he probably would have blamed Beth for it if they had screwed things up. Howard was glad he didn't think with his penis for that one minute. He still has pictures of Beth and Rebecca topless that night so he's still got the memories.
Artie wanted to see those pictures of Rebecca and asked if he could lose about 40 pounds by Labor Day, would Howard show him the picture? Howard said he would check with Beth on that and if she's okay with it, he'll make the deal.
Howard wrapped up with Tiffany and was about to go to break when he saw that someone wanted to know if she had good looking feet. Howard checked out her feet and said they were nice looking. He said she had diving board toes but she was still good looking. He took a call from an 8 year old kid who said he pitches tents when he wakes up. Tiffany told him that's because he has to go pee. The kid was probably put up to the call by his father or something. His uncle got on the phone a short time later and told Howard to tell him the truth. The guy had been up all night drinking so Howard told the kid to get out of the house, his uncle is insane.
Another caller said that he and his wife have sex about 5 times during the week and 3 times on the weekend and they have 3 kids and another one on the way... So Tiffany thinking that marriage and kids means no sex is wrong. Howard said they're probably a couple of ugly human beings who are just horrible. He said that's what he finds when people tell him that they're happily married and having sex constantly. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that Mike Walker was on the line. He said that Mike hasn't been on the show for a few weeks because of a few different reasons. He was sick, they did one show at night and didn't get to him and now people think there's a whole conspiracy going on. Mike is back though so there is no conspiracy.
Howard played Mike the prank call they made using his audio clips from the show. They had him calling a woman by the name of Robin. Mike liked that call and thought they put that together very well. Mike asked if they could play one of the old calls they made using his voice. Howard said he was pretty sure they didn't have it yet but Gary told him they were putting it in the system as they spoke.
Mike told Howard that his jaw was swollen up like a balloon when he had a blocked salivary gland, that's one of the things that kept him from calling in. Howard said there are so many things that can go wrong with the human body.
Howard had Mike move on to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard played a bunch of song parodies that they've created using Mike Walker audio clips. They were gathering more sounds from the game because mike had let out a couple of sheep ''bah's'' while telling one of the stories. Howard figures the guys will come up with a new phony call using those clips.
Howard also played the classic prank call the guys made to a guy using Mike Walker clips that Mike had mentioned earlier. That call is one of the clips they had from the K-Rock archives.
Jon Hein was up next with his Wrap Up Show preview. Fred played his new ''Rich Nerd'' theme song. Jon said they'll be talking about Artie's weight gain on the show today so Howard told Artie to go over to the scale again to find out how much he's gained during the show today. Artie said he doesn't mind doing it but he just doesn't want to get up. He got on the scale and it had shot up to 277 from 276 earlier in the morning. He's already gained a pound in 3 hours.
Artie said he may have to join George's weight loss class. He asked him if that's still going on. George said they're still doing that and he's welcome to come to the classes. Artie didn't want to move from his area so Howard said that would be a great spot to stay because that way they could weigh him at any time.
Jon Hein got back to his show preview. He said they'll debate whether or not Artie has hit his high point or not. They will also talk about Tiffany Granath's appearance on the show. Artie made his way back to his chair but had trouble getting back into his seat because he's gotten so big. Jon wrapped up his preview and Howard had Robin start her news.
Artie said that after the show yesterday he took a massive shit there in the bathroom. He took the Daily News in there with him and sat there for like an hour. He said he hardly ever craps at work but he really had to go yesterday.
Howard said Gary got a call from Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray. He told Gary that if they want him to come in and perform a new version of ''I Just Wanna Fly'' about Eric the Midget, he'll do it. Howard said those guys must not be performing anywhere. Robin said they still perform when Mark isn't working on his TV show. Gary said they play weird places like Great Adventure (a theme park) and places like that.
Artie said the TV guys are really messing with him. They keep doing close-ups of him eating and touching his stomach and things. Artie had a box of chocolates that Beth sent to him and he went through the whole box already. Artie said he had to toss some of them because he didn't like the stuff inside. He said he hates fruit inside of chocolate candy.
Robin wrapped up her news around 11:30am and Howard took a call from a guy who talked about how funny the behind-the-scenes stuff was from the Artie Roast. The guy was also talking about Howard putting on a third channel there at SIRIUS. He wondered why Howard is against it. Howard said he's really not sure about doing that, he'd rather have the classic tapes to play on the two current channels they have now. They're going to have a lot of special shows to play on those channels so that's what they're going to do.