Gary told Howard a little bit about his trip out to Las Vegas this weekend. He went to a strip club called the Spearmint Rhino and saw Kendra Jade there. He said that Kendra has been trying to get on the show but they haven't been able to find an angle for her. Kendra said she was willing to do anything so Gary suggested that she have sex with a listener.. Anal sex. Kendra took the bait and she'll be on the show in a couple of weeks to play ''Who Wants to be an Anal Billionaire''. Gary also spent a couple of minutes talking about his flight and how rude, old and ugly Flight Attendants have become. He said he had a problem with one who snapped at him when he told her he had to go to the bathroom. He was waiting in line for 20 minutes when the captain turned on the seat belt sign. The flight attendant told him he needed to sit down but he told her he really had to go to the bathroom. She snapped back telling him that if anything happens to him they won't be held responsible. Gary said she was really rude about it.
Howard took some phone calls to kill some time this morning and one of the calls was from a guy who was having sex with his ex-girlfriend and a buddy of his. The guy called in on speaker phone so Howard could hear them all. The woman just laughed half the time while the guy told Howard about the sex. Howard thinks that's kind of gay when two guys share a woman. Jackie then shared his story of sharing a woman with another guy at the same time. Gary told Howard he just thinks it's gay because he's never had a friend that close to share a woman with. Even Benjy came in and said he's read that sharing a woman is just a substitute for homosexual sex.
The second contestant was a very drunk Hank the dwarf. Gary said he's never seen Hank this drunk before. He could barely stand up alone or pay attention to Howard. He also stunk so bad that KC had to lead him around like a dog on a leash. Howard asked Hank a couple of questions:
The third contestant was a listener by the name of Tony. Howard was surprised at the size of this guy's body. It turns out he's a body builder. Tony claims that he got laid last night so he's not desperate. Howard asked him his questions:
After taking a break Howard came back to continue with the game. The fourth contestant was John The Stutterer.. not the same as Stuttering John. John was on the show back in August. He's a 31 year old virgin so Annie could possibly take his virginity. Here are his questions:
Hank the dwarf came in and got his final question of: ''What famous director directed 'Beetlejuice' and 'Pee Wee's Playhouse'?'' Hank answered Rob Reiner and got it wrong. Captain Janks then prepared to play for his chance. As Howard asked him if he was ready he said ''Yes Regis.. I'm ready'' and Hank had no clue why he made the reference to Regis. Of course this whole Millionaire thing was brought about by the TV game show but Hank had no clue. Howard then got Annie to agree that if Hank could spell Regis Philbin she would use her hand on him. Hank was able to do it so he won the hand job.
Finally, Janks got his question: ''What year was it a decade ago?'' He got the answer correct with 1990. Then Gary came in to tell them that the winners would be going in order of winning so Janks would be last in the line up of 4. Janks didn't seem to thrilled about that.
You can find more info on Annie at FreakParty.com or write to her fan club at Annie Ander Sinn, PO Box 1084, Carmel, Indiana 46082.
While Erica was on her way down Howard took a phone call from a guy by the name of Howard Stern. This guy told Howard a quick story of mistaken identity. He was at some hotel out in phoenix and he got a message from Anna Nicole Smith. She asked this Howard Stern why he was so mean to her when she was on the show. Of course this guy wasn't the right Howard Stern.
After that meaningless call Erica was finally down on the street. Howard spent a minute talking about this girl Jessica Beal who's on the cover of Gear magazine. He said she's really hot and was surprised when he heard that she did the shoot to try and get fired from the TV show she's on called ''Seventh Heaven''.
Erica finally made it to the street so she walked around for a couple of minutes while KC asked some guys how she looked. Howard got tired of that pretty quick so he had KC bring her back up to the studio.
After taking a break Howard played ''..Turkish Millionaire'' with her. Gary said he thought it would be fun to play the game because Erica made some weird comments during the commercial break. Gary said that she's not sure if she's Jewish or not. She told Howard that it was a long story but her half-brother is a Jew. She wasn't sure if her mother was Jewish though so she didn't know if she was a Jew or not because she was raised Protestant. Howard had her brother come in and straighten out the situation. He said that their mother is not a Jew. His father is a jew but her father is not.
Erica told Howard that she would have been willing to get naked but she thought the game was enough to get the implants. Gary suggested that she could use her nudity as a lifeline if she was unable to answer a question. She agreed so Howard asked her the 3 questions:
The other winner, Tony, called in and told Howard a little bit about what happened... Nothing! He was unable to get it up for her and blamed it on a couple of things. Since he's a body builder he blamed it on the products he takes to help build his muscles. Then when he got on the phone he said he was camera shy and that was the reason he couldn't get it up. Everyone will have the chance to try again when they go to shoot more footage on Thursday. Both Tony and John will be trying again.
Hank also called in and Howard said he saw some tape of him and he's got normal sized genitals on that dwarf frame and it looks bizarre. Hank was unable to get it up but he was drunk out of his mind so he had a good excuse.
Howard also spoke to Jenny about her recent marriage to director John Asher. Jenny actually told Howard that if he'd gotten separated a year earlier she definitely would have dated him. Howard missed his window of opportunity. Jenny told Howard how she met John and how it was love at first sight. She said she went out with him on the second day and did some stuff to him in the back of the limo. She didn't have sex but said she made out and touched him. It was about a week before they had sex. Howard told Jenny that her marriage will most likely fail like most do.
Jenny also told Howard about some of her experiences with the Hollywood ''casting couch''. She told the story of how Steven Segal once tried to seduce her when she was supposed to be auditioning for a part. She explained how he brought her into his office and tried to get her to take her clothes off. She ended up running out crying. She also spent some time talking about some of the strange things she had to do for Playboy. She claims that they'd send the playmates off to meet presidents of other countries and they'd have to sit there and listen to them complain about their wives and stuff. She also said that celebrities would call the Playboy mansion and ask to talk to various playmates to try and get dates. She mentioned the names Kenny Rogers, Byron Allen, Scott Baio and Frank Stallone.
Jenny's husband came in for a few minutes before the end of the interview. He told Howard that his father created ''Bewitched'' so Howard figures he must have a lot of money. He directed a movie called ''Diamonds'' which stars Jenny, Kirk Douglas and Lauren Bacall. Howard spent a couple of minutes telling them how marriage sucks and life is lonely before ending the segment.
Tre Dee and Goldie Loc are in a gang out in California so Howard asked them a bit about that. Both of them have been shot and one of them has been stabbed. It turns out that the two of them used to be in competing gangs and the shootings both came from each others gangs. Howard spent some time talking to the guys about being in gangs then moved on to talk about being pimps.The last time Snoop was on the show he told Howard how he's a pimp and has ''ho's'' all over the world. Today Howard found out even more about that. Both Tre Dee and Goldie Loc have their own ho's. Snoop said he's got about 13 spread out around the world. All three of them said that they have to use a shoe once in a while to keep their ho's in line. Tre and Goldie said they only have about 6 or 7 ho's of their own. Snoop said the secret to having ho's is mind control. He said some guys can control their women physically but to really have a ho you need mind control. He told Howard he could teach him how to be a pimp.
The guys also spent a little time talking about their pot smoking. Snoop said he's got a guy who's job is to roll the blunts for the guys. He said that guy makes about $1000 a week just doing that. He has to be ready at any moment to hook the guys up with a blunt. He was out in the green room rolling them as they were speaking.
Howard eventually got around to the evaluations after talking to Snoop and the guys for quite a while. The first woman to come in was Nicole. She wanted to know if she was Playboy or Penthouse material. She said she looks kind of ''hardened'' but thought Penthouse might be okay. She said she's not a stripper but she whipped off all of her clothes pretty quick. Everyone checked her out and gave their evaluations. Ralph picked her apart. He said she has a butter-face.. everything is good but-her-face. Her breasts also hung kind of funny to the side and she had a ''harsh'' looking face. Tre Dee and Goldie Loc didn't think much of her either. One guy gave her a 2 on a scale of 1-10 and the other guy gave her a 6. Snoop said he didn't think she could be in either Playboy or Penthouse.
After taking a commercial break Howard brought in the next woman, Amanda. She also wanted to be evaluated for Playboy or Penthouse. Amanda is a stripper but refused to give her age. From the reaction in the studio she must have been pretty old. She said she's had 3 separate breast implant surgeries and they've all come out poorly. Howard had to wrap this up pretty quick so he went to Tre Dee. Tre said that she might have been able to get in Playboy 15 years ago but not today. He gave her a 3.5. Goldie said the implants threw everything off because they were so bad. He said they took 7 points right off the top. He gave her a 1.5 for the magazine test and a 3.5 if she was going to be a ho. Snoop gave her a 5.5 while Ralph gave her the same 5.5, possibly a 6. The implants also threw him off.
Howard was going to wrap things up but there was one more woman who wasn't scheduled. Nicole's step-daughter Marissa was out in the green room and she decided to get evaluated. She came in and tried to take her clothes off but the zipper got stuck and she had some problems. She eventually got some clothes off and her huge, natural breasts flopped out. She got a 5 from Goldie, a 6 from Tre and a 9.5 from Snoop! Snoop said her attitude was the main reason for the high rating. Ralph wasn't so nice coming in with a 4. He said she was way too chatty and her breasts were horrible.
Finally, Howard played a little bit of Snoop's new song off the new ''Snoop Dogg Presents Tha Eastsidaz'' album. Howard said he learned a lot about being in gangs, pimping, drugs and how to control women. He said he learned the secret to women was ''Less gifts, more sneaker!''
After the guest discussion Howard and Gary spent a couple of minutes talking about shaving. Howard said he's 46 and still doesn't know how to shave correctly. Gary has his own procedures so he shared a couple with Howard. Gary keeps his razor in some type of blue water that keeps the blade in shape. He also shaves while he's in the shower. He told Howard to use the Gillette Sensor series of razors. He has a mirror in his shower so he can see what he's doing. He also said he's gone nuts and now has a waterproof radio/CD player in the shower so he can listen to music while he's in there.
Howard took a couple of phone calls to kill some time early this morning. A woman called in wanting to date Howard and wanting to get breast implants. Howard had to turn her down saying that they've been giving them away ''willie nillie'' lately and they're going to have to calm down with that for a while. Howard also took a call from a guy who wanted to know what he thought of Muslims. Howard started talking about religion and how it's for people with a small mentality like his 7 year old daughter. He doesn't believe that there is any after life and there's no such thing as your soul going to a better place. Another call was about Howard's upcoming FX show ''Son of the Beach'' and how people in parts of New York and New Jersey won't be able to see it because FX isn't carried on their cable system.
Howard also asked Randy what his M.O. was when he used to go after young boys. Randy told Howard that he'd find street urchin kids and he'd take them home and bathe them. Then he'd give them a back rub and eventually pleasure them orally. He wouldn't have the kids perform anything on him, he'd get off on doing it to the kid. He told Howard that he'll probably bring his son to a baseball game in New York this year. A New York State Trooper called in and told the guy that they'd take him down if he does that. Randy said he's not doing anything illegal so they can't do anything. A Psychologist called in and told Howard that there really isn't a cure for these people and they'll most likely continue to do this crap.
Gary came in and started telling Randy that he's a scumbag and that he really should be dead. He said that he'd beat Randy with a bat if he showed up at the radio station. Then he said he'd just blow his brains out instead. Randy suggested that Gary bring his son to the baseball game with him. Randy told Howard that when he has sex with his wife she goes crazy and loves it. The only thing is that Randy is thinking of young boys when he's having sex with her. Randy said he'd call back in couple of months to give another progress report.
Howard read an article from up in the Boston area about how Imus' ratings have dropped to new low. According to the article Imus was fired from one station and went to another one up in Boston. In the latest ratings the station that canned him went from number 12 in the ratings to number 4 right behind Howard. Imus, on the other station, dropped down to number 17. Howard likes to point that out to everyone at Infinity who kisses his ass. He yelled out ''F-YOU EVERYBODY!'' to all of the people who kiss Imus' ass.. Mel Karmazin is one of those people. Howard never got around to doing the celebrity matchmaker thing.
KC had his own trivia that he got out of the book ''Movie Stars Do the Dumbest Things''. He did his as a true-false game. Here are a few of the trivia questions he asked:
Howard took some phone calls for Taylor and there were some racist callers that commented on him. There was also one guy who brought up Joe Theisman. Taylor was the one who ended Theisman's career when he broke both the bones in his leg when he took him down. One of the racist callers said that Taylor was a good player because ''gorilla's are easy to train''. He continued to say that his facial features made him look like a gorilla. Howard cut that guy off and tried to move on to other things. Eventually the subject of O.J. Simpson came up. Taylor plays golf with O.J. Howard asked Taylor why he does that and if he thinks O.J. is innocent. Taylor said he doesn't believe that O.J. killed anyone and the courts found him innocent. Taylor continued to tell Howard that he spent New Years Eve with O.J. They also went down to Universal Studios down in Florida. He hung out with about 9 people and had a great time. Howard couldn't believe that he believes O.J. is innocent. Taylor said that a lot of people are fans of O.J.'s when he's out and about. Howard said he'd tell O.J. To his face what he thinks.
Howard quickly got to Mike Walker so they could get the game out of the way. Mike told Howard about how he'll be judging another Miss Hawaiian Tropic contest in April. He was asked to invite Howard to be a judge also. Howard won't be doing it but said that Mike must be getting some action off the contestants in those contests. Mike wouldn't admit to anything though. Howard had Mike play his game.. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard only spent a couple more minutes with the girls. He let them talk about the breast cancer benefit and how they'll be taking their tops off there. The event is open to the public and the girls will be signing autographs.
Mary and Howard spent a little time talking about ''Private Parts'' and how Mary didn't even know who Howard was when she went to audition for the part. Howard thinks she's like Yoko Ono who says she didn't know who the Beatles were when she met John Lennon. Mary swore that she didn't know. Her father was a closet listener so she didn't even know he was a fan until she got the part and he admitted to his dirty little secret. Howard said something about Mary being engaged but she said that she's single and doesn't even have a boyfriend at this time. That led to a discussion about why the two of them don't date. The newspapers already had them dating after he announced his separation. Mary said she loves Howard and is attracted to him. She did say that she wouldn't sleep with him on the first or second date though. She thinks it would be kind of weird to date someone who hasn't been with another woman since he was 19. She said it's like ''a train wreck waiting to happen''. Gary was really pushing for the two of them to date. He was acting like a pimp trying to push the two together. We'll see what happens when she returns to the States and comes on the show again.