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Scott DePace said he didn't want to do the contest but they had to do it and one guy was smaller than the next. He said their female producer at the time was laughing hysterically at them. Brian Phelan said there wasn't much to see. A lot of the guys were so small it was like they were innies. He said that they had to push back their skin to make it pop out. Howard talked about how amazing it is that they were all willing to do it. That led into the clip. Here's my write up from that day:
The First Annual Small Penis Invitational. 4/24/98. 7:50am
This contest was held to give away a trip to Mexico with a bunch of porno stars. Howard invited about 20 guys down who claimed they had really small penis'. There were 3 guest judges plus the regulars like Howard and Robin. George is a fan from Chicago who just showed up this morning. He had a speech impediment so he fit right it. The impediment is caused by a cleft pallet. The second judge was the guy who does the Marv Albert impression so Howard called him Marv the whole time. The third guest judge was Gay Rich. Rich used to be an intern on Howard's show. He moved on to better things but came in to judge the contest today. There was a hell of a lot going on with this contest. There were a total of 16 contestants who actually came in the studio naked to show their small packages. The first guy almost won immediately. He had big man breasts and hardly any penis. After that there were tons of guys just showing off their tiny packages. Some of the guys who thought they were small changed their minds after seeing how small some of the others were. After all 16 introduced themselves the judges whittled down the list to 3 finalists. Those three were Philipe, Paul and Gary.
The three finalists then moved on to the talent portion of the game. Philipe was the first up. He was dressed like a construction worker. Howard asked him some personality questions then had him sing a song parody to an Elvis song. Paul was up next. He was dressed like a cowboy. Howard did the personality questions then had him sing ''I Just Can't Find My Glands'' to the tune of ''I Wanna Hold Your Hand''. The final contestant was Gary. Gary was dressed up like a police officer. He answered a couple of personality questions then sang his song ''Teenie Weenie'' to the tune of ''Proud Mary''. They all performed quite well under pressure. After taking a break and tabulating the scores Baba Booey came back with the results. The winner was Paul. Second place when to Philipe and last went to Gary.
After the winner was announced the guy who set everything up, Scott Stein, called in with some good news. All three finalists get to go on the trip! Plus, Howard will be taking all of the guys who were in the contest to Scores for a special party.
During the clip we heard Scott DePace talking about how proud those guys were about their penis size. He said he ran into one guy out at a mall once and he was bragging. Howard said those guys were great and the fact that they just came in naked gave him a great feeling about them. He said that they had big balls to come in and do that. He said some of them literally had big balls. Gay Rich said that this was a way on the show for those guys. They were able to get on the show because they had small penises. Brian Phelan said they were so proud of it too. He said he was happy that they were so small because he figured he didn't have it so bad after seeing them. They played more of the clip after that.
After they finished playing that segment we heard Gay Rich talking about how he's never seen penises the size of those guys since that contest. Rich said that people always ask him if they were really that small and he has to tell them that they were. Howard talked about how great it was for radio and for TV. He said that any guy who has the insecurity of a small penis, those guys made them feel better. Howard said he loved that they didn't care about doing that for them.
Jim Forbes said that the show aired on E!. Scott DePace said that one fan found a field in a frame from the show where the guy wasn't mosaic'd out so the picture started floating around the internet. He said the poor guy's penis was all over the place.
In the clip Howard picked up on this guy who sounded kind of slow but he claimed that he was of normal intelligence. He kept saying he was calling from Albany. He told Howard about dating women and things like that. Howard told him that he would put him on the dating game they were doing if he could get down there. Gary said he would love that. Howard said he was a star already.
After that clip we heard Benjy talking about meeting Gary for the first time. He said he thought that he was a character because he was so funny and sincere. He said that when he met him in person he thought he was going to tell them that he was doing a bit but he was 100 percent real. Benjy said he wanted to take him out and show him a night out on the town. Brian Phelan talked about how they took Gary to Scores and they had a stripper giving him a dance and he was repeating after her. He would do whatever she told him to do. He said he got kind of crazy and got touchy feely with her. Benjy said that Gary makes all kinds of noises and every guy makes noise. He said that you make noises when there's a hot chick in front of you. That led into another show clip where Howard talked about taking Gary to Scores. Here's what I wrote that day:
Gary The Retard Goes To Scores. 5/27/98. 6:15am
Howard played tape of Gary The Retard getting a lap dance at Scores. After Gary did the show last time Benjy the intern took him around town and to Scores to show him a good time. Howard thought that Gary the 'tard sounded like Frankenstein because of the way he was moaning and grunting. Once in a while he'd throw in a ''yeah, baby'' with the grunts. Howard liked it so much he played it two times today.
After that clip we heard Robin talking about how they treat everyone about the same. She said that people like Gary are never treated like everyone else except on this show. Robin said that he loves coming on the show because of that. She said that's what she's learned about the show. These people have very uneventful lives until they do the show. She said they get to go out and make appearances and things like that.
Comedian Craig Gass talked about how nice Gary is. He said that he drove up to do a gig and he wanted to stop by and say hi to Gary at home. He told Gary to guess where he was. He said it's never a good idea to tell a retarded person to guess. He said he tried to get over to see him but Gary didn't know how to tell him to get there. It took him 2 hours to find it. Craig said he got a hug from Gary and after 5 minutes of being with him he said he had to get the fuck out of there.
That led into another show clip where Howard had Gary in the studio to try and win kisses from a Scores girl. Here's what they played:
Gary The Retard Knowledge Questions. 8/27/98. 8:15am
Howard had a great idea for Gary the retard. He had a Scores girl come down to dance for Gary if he could answer some general knowledge questions correctly. The dancer's name is the same as the retarded girl Gary just got the date with so don't get too confused. Amanda was dressed in a thong bikini when she came in. You could almost hear the drool dripping out of Howard's mouth when she danced. Howard and the gang bet on some of the questions while they played the game. Here are the questions they asked:
| Question | Gary's Answer | Correct? |
| What are the colors on the American flag? | Red, white and blue | Y |
| Who is the President of the United States? | Lincoln | N |
| How many wheels are on a tricycle? | Four | N |
| Where do eggs come from? | Chicken | Y |
| What does Red mean at a traffic light? | Stop | Y |
| How many legs does a dog have? | Four | Y |
Gary got a few of the questions correct so he got a lap dance from Amanda for each one. The last question got Amanda's top off for Gary. Howard was loving it but when Amanda offered to give him a lap dance he refused it. Gary was getting some major air time today. He stuck around to be the host of the Handicapped Star Search.
After that clip they went to break.
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Jim Forbes then came on and said that October 14, 1997 was the day Howard and the guys founded their band ''The Losers.'' Howard said the band was named after Scott the Engineer. Jackie the Joke Man Martling said that everyone wants to do what they don't do so it was great to play in a band. Stuttering John said it was a lot of fun. Fred said that the Losers are a mess. He said the whole point of the band was to show how bad all of the other celebrity bands are out there.
That led into another show clip where Howard was talking about how confused Scott was about the instruments. He wanted to use the instruments in the studio but Scott didn't know how to set them up. Scott was too busy performing on the drums. Howard said he has a loser for an engineer. Here's some more from my write up from that day:
Howard Jams With Scott The Engineer. 10/14/97. 7:40am
Before Green Day came in to play a couple of songs Howard wanted to play with their instruments. He wanted to perform ''Gloria'' along with Scott The Engineer on drums. Howard sang lead and Robin, Jackie and Fred were backup singers. Of course it didn't sound that great and right after they were done playing the members of Green Day popped their heads in to see if their instruments were okay. Howard didn't know that Green Day were there otherwise he wouldn't have messed with their stuff. Howard talked to them for about 10 seconds then took some phone calls. Green Day wasn't scheduled to perform until 8:30. Howard settled on naming the group ''The Losers'' after throwing out a few names.
After that clip we heard from Doug Goodstein. He said he never enjoyed the name of the band since it was just based on Scott the loser. He said that Fred is a good musician and so is Howard. He said that you always look at Scott when you're listening to that band name. Ronnie the Limo Driver said that Scott was a drummer in the band and Howard thought he was shit. He would always try to replace him with other people. They played more of The Losers first performance after that. Scott dropped his sticks as soon as he started playing.
After that performance we heard Jim Forbes talking about how The Losers got to play with Willie Nelson. We heard Willie talking about that day and how it takes talent and guts to form a group like that. Then we heard from Jackie Martling who said that had to be one of the top 3 moments on the show for him. He said that playing with Willie was surreal to him. He said he was standing there playing guitar with Willie. Fred talked about how strange it was that day. He figured Willie had to have been high telling them that they were playing well that day. That led into the show clip from that day. They edited it down to just the Losers performance with Willie. Here's my write up from that day:
Willie Nelson Comes In. 3/16/98. 7:55am
Willie Nelson was supposed to be coming in to perform a song parody called ''On My Knees Again'' to the tune of ''On The Road Again''. Howard's band, The Losers, were going to assist Willie when he performed ''On The Road Again'' after the parody. The Losers consists of Howard, Jackie, Fred and Scott The Engineer. A little while before Willie came in The Losers had to practice to test out the instruments. Well, as usual nothing went right. The instruments weren't set up correctly and it sounded pretty crappy. There wasn't much they could do so they just brought Willie in to perform. Willie talked with Howard for a few minutes and did about 2 lines of ''On My Knees Again'' before giving up on it. Then he just wanted to do ''On The Road Again'' with The Losers. Howard was supposed to play keyboard, Fred was playing bass, Jackie was playing guitar and Scott was on drums. Howard's keyboard sounded like crap and all of the instruments were not mixed properly. They made some quick changes and did the song. Scott The Engineer's drum playing was way too fast. A guy called in after the song and said that it sounded like a Polka band doing the song. Later in the morning Howard played the tape back of their performance and he got really pissed. It turns out that his keyboard playing didn't come through the mix at all. This turned in to a huge discussion late in the show. Howard was arguing with Tom Chiusano and Richie Herbie the head engineer at the station. It happens almost every time they have a band perform. It sounds like they're going to try and make this work better from now on but we'll have to wait and see. Willie didn't stick around much after doing the song. It was pretty quick.
After that we heard Howard talking about how they thought they could put out a hit song. He said part of them thought they could have a hit novelty record but the other part was that they tried to get it together to be rock stars. He said it was funny to hear how bad they were. Stuttering John wrote their first original song ''Skunk.'' Fred said he thinks that was all handled very wrong but what does he know? Scott the Engineer said that John was the falling upwards kind of guy and it was his song that stunk just like the song. They played that song in the background as they were talking about it.
After that clip we heard Gary Dell'Abate talking about how the guys who played in the band could either play pretty well or played in bands. Gary said that they had all of them and then Howard. Gary said that Howard isn't all that great at playing. None of them were musicians other than Fred.
Jackie talked about how Gary played trumpet with James Brown. He said that was just stellar. Scott talked about how he had a rock band when he was a kid and he looked up to all of these rock artists. He said he wanted to be a drummer but he had to have a career. Scott said backing James Brown was amazing. He said they were all having a great time when they did that. That led into the show clip where The Losers played with James Brown. Here's my write up from that day:
James Brown Comes In. 6/19/98. 9:05am
Singer James Brown came in to promote his new album ''Back Again'' which will be out in August. Mr. Brown is sometimes unintelligible while speaking so it's very hard to follow what the hell he's talking about. Mr. Brown brought in two lovely white women. One of the women sang a song but it didn't sound that great to me. James thinks she's really good though so maybe I'm deaf. James was in a good mood this morning so Howard asked him to perform ''Papa's Got A Brand New Bag'' with The Losers. The Losers consists of Howard on keyboards and Scott The Engineer on drums. Gary was playing trumpet again. I think that Jackie may have played guitar and Fred on bass? I'm not sure about that though. So anyway James said that he'd love to sing along with them. Well the music sound okay except for Gary's trumpet. It sounded like someone beating a seal to death. James sounded good and that may have made the band sound better than they actually were. After the song Howard took a break. When they came back James told Howard about using the boner drug Viagra. He said he doesn't have a problem getting it up but wanted to give it a try anyway. He said that he was able to perform for 4 or 5 hours. After completing his duty he'd rest for a half hour or so and he'd be ready to go again. He doesn't recommend people using it too much though. You can hurt yourself doing it too much. James is appearing at The Paramount in New York City this Saturday.
During that clip we heard Jackie talking about how great it was that day. He said they were afraid to ask James to play with them. Scott said that James was really into it though. Jackie said they had a lot of fun doing it. Gary talked about how it was a great moment for him and he ruined the song. They played more of the show audio where Howard and The Losers played with James.
After playing the song clip we heard Jackie talking about how James wanted to jam with them after that. He said that they were already into the commercials by that point though. Fred said that James never should have played with them. He said the guy was fun and he pulled it off the best that he could. Fred said that James was a hard ass with his own band so it was surprising that he performed with them. He said it was phenomenal. Gary said that James Brown told him what he could do to get better and he didn't know that he couldn't play the trumpet. He said it was the sweetest thing in the world with him trying to help him out. That led into an E! show clip of James talking to Gary out in the halls about what he could do to play better. They went to break after that.
Goofing On Magic Johnson's New TV Show. 6/9/98. 6:05am
Last night was the premiere of Magic Johnson's new TV show ''The Magic Hour''. Howard watched some of it this morning and spent about an hour goofing on how bad it was. He was playing tape of the show pointing out how Johnson didn't have to do much on the show. He just sits there while his sidekick does the lame jokes. The show was so bad that it was almost funny. Howard said it sounded like a parody of a talk show.
After that clip we heard Robin talking about how Howard came in first thing in the morning saying it was the most incredible train wreck. She said Howard knew it wouldn't last long. Gary talked about how they were goofing on the show every morning and they were all about all of the things they could find wrong with it. Howard said that the Magic Hour was one of the biggest train wrecks in TV history. He said he could have done his whole show about that. Then he figured they had to go on that show.
That led into a show clip where Howard was talking to a female guest who could fart. That led to Howard talking about how he'd like to take her and Chris Crap on Magic Johnson's show to perform a song. Howard told Maria that she could be part of that. He put the word out that he was available to do that. Howard had Maria fart again for them before wrapping up with her.
After that clip we heard Robin talking about how Howard thought about doing that show and he waned to go on and fart or maybe take the band on with him. Robin said this went on for weeks. That led into another show clip where Howard was goofing on Magic's show again. He put the word out again that he was willing to go on the show.
We heard Jim Forbes introducing a producer from The Magic Hour, Todd Yasui, who said he was a fan of Howard's show so he heard him offer. He said that some of the people found it amusing but there were some people there who thought he was out of his mind suggesting it. He said that he knew the ratings were in the toilet so they might as well go down swinging. He knew that the ratings bump would help.
That led into another show clip where Howard talked about the Magic Hour again and had some audio of David Cassidy talking about how Magic's show would get better. Howard said he was ready to go on that show at any time.
After that we heard Don Buchwald talking about how Howard was willing to go on that show and they were looking for any and every opportunity to get someone on the show. We heard from producer Todd Yasui who said that Don told him that Howard would do the show if Magic asked him to come on the show. Todd said they kind of left it at that. That led into another show clip where Howard talked about setting up that whole thing.
That clip led right into another one where Howard had a farter in the studio farting along to a song that he was thinking about doing on Magic's show.
After that we heard from Todd again. Todd said that he wasn't getting anywhere with the executives on the show. They eventually told him to ask Magic how he felt about it. Todd said that Howard had been making fun of the show and asked him if he would be willing to have him on the show. Magic was up for it and he didn't really care that much. He said that he was running this empire he was running at the time and the show was like an afterthought to him. Todd said that he told the bosses about it and they knew that something weird was going to happen.
We heard from Robin again who said that Howard demanded that he bring his guys and that he would have to be able to perform their cover of ''Wipe Out'' with farters and all of that. Robin said Howard let them know right away what he wanted to do. That led into a show clip where Howard talked to Todd on the phone about doing the show. Here's what I wrote that day:
Magic Johnson's Producer Calls In. 6/29/98. 8:50am
Well, it looks like Howard will be doing Magic Johnson's show this week. Howard has been saying that he'd do it if they called him so he could discuss it on the air. ''The Magic Hour'' producer Todd called in this morning to ask Howard to come on the show. After a long discussion they finally agreed to do it Thursday night. Howard is planning on flying out to California after the show Thursday. Howard's band, The Losers, will play ''Wipe out'' and will have Chris Crap, the farting dude, fart during the song. It'll be Howard, Jackie, Fred and Scott the engineer playing in the band. They also want to have Robin do the beginning of the song where it goes ''Ah ha ha ha ha ha.. WIPE OUT''. At first Todd said that they wanted them to come on later in the month but Howard and the gang will be on vacation for two weeks. Howard said he wanted to be able to promote the show before he goes on so they decided to do it this week. There's still a chance that it won't happen though. Howard talked to Chris Crap later in the morning and it sounded like he wasn't really into doing it. He said he can't get out of work. He told Howard that he'd have to think about it. Howard said if Chris doesn't do the show then he's not going to do it at all. Todd the producer also has to check into a couple of things before they confirm the Thursday night thing. So it's still up in the air. If they confirm it I'll be sure to post it here.
Todd talked about how people were laughing and high fiving him over the phone call that day. He said the bosses weren't happy about that. Todd said that he didn't tell Howard that he couldn't let the people fart. He said that the bosses weren't happy about that. Todd said he thinks that Howard called back the next day trying to find out if the farting was okay. He said they really didn't want them farting.
Robin said that they were going to send them a private jet and everything. Howard said that it was really crazy that they were going to let them fart. He said they did allow it. Fred said he still doesn't understand how they got on that show with farters doing ''Wipe Out.'' He said he has to hand it to Magic and his people. He said it was a balls move. If they had done that kind of thinking when the show started then maybe it would have done better. Howard said he never thought they'd allow a farting song on the show. That led into a clip from The Magic Hour where Magic was introducing Howard and The Losers.
We heard from Sam Simon who said that he wanted to go see the performance but he wasn't able to get tickets. He said he that they told him they had thousands of requests to get tickets. Sam said he talked to Drew Carrey about goofing to see it and said they had to go somehow.
Howard said they rolled out the red carpet for him there on that show. Scott the Engineer talked about how they were all flown out and they all had suites at the Four Seasons hotel. Fred said they got a private Jet flight out there. Fred said that he wanted to know who was monitoring the standards and practices over there. Scott said that they were like the Beatles out there and it was amazing to do what they did. Robin said that it was wild going out there and seeing everyone working there and giving them strange looks.
Gary said that one of the farters had some trouble farting. Todd said that one of the executives wanted it to fail and didn't want them buying food for this guy who couldn't fart. He said once that guy left he sent a P.A. out to get as much Mexican food as he could. Todd said that it was one of the most uncomfortable moments in his history to do that show. He said he had to tell Magic and Sheila E what might happen. He said he told Magic that Howard was going to ask him some uncomfortable questions about his personal life. Todd said that it was so uncomfortable to do that to someone you respect and admire like Magic. He said that Magic looked at him unfazed and told him he was a pro and he'd be fine. He said that's the epitome of a pro. He said that Sheila E was another story. He said that she wondered why Howard would talk to her. Todd said that he could ask her something that she wouldn't like. He gave her an example and told her that he might ask her what nationality she is. Todd said that's not that bad and he said it was just an example. Todd said Sheila called the band in there to have a prayer circle. She was praying to rid the studio of evil and the devil.
Robin said she thinks Sheila didn't even show up that night. Fred said she was there and she thought they were like Vermin. Sheila refused to play during the break and Howard pointed that out to the audience.
Sam Simon talked about how Magic came out and said that it was like the Magic and Howard show. He said it was like he was giving a concession speech before it even started. They played some audio of that part of the show after that.
We heard from Todd again about how this may never be seen on TV again with people farting into a microphone. That led into a clip of The Magic Hour where The Losers performed ''Wipe Out.''
After that we heard Robin talking about how the farters choked for the first half of the song. She said that she couldn't believe they were standing there doing the song though. Howard said that the farting wasn't that strong but they were on regular TV farting and singing. He said that it was great and a lot of fun. Jackie said while they were doing it he didn't even believe it was going to happen. Jackie said that no one was just farting at random on TV at the time.
Todd said that you don't see anyone showing up on a TV show farting even these days. He said that you can look at other people who use fart humor and no one can pull it off like Howard and his guys. He said that it has it's place in TV history. That led into more of the Magic Hour audio where Howard and Magic did a sit down interview.
Next up we heard Todd talking about how it was a good shot and it was humorous. He said that at the end of the day it's just goofy and harmless fun. Scott the Engineer said the crowd seemed to love it. Fred said they had fun, the audience had fun and Magic had fun. He said that Magic knew that they were just out there to have fun. Scott said it was a phenomenal thing. Todd said that Magic had a good time and that's all that mattered at the end of the day. He said that if everyone else couldn't handle it then fuck them. Fred said it was one of the most amazing things that ever happened to him in his life. Jackie said that it was great and they had a fun time with it.
Don Buchwald said that Magic wasn't the perfect host but Howard did have a good time. Howard said they pulled over a 5 rating that night from what he remembers. That led into another show clip where Howard announced that the Magic Hour was canceled.
The Magic Hour Has Been Canceled! 8/7/98. 6:15am
After Howard spent 10 minutes complaining about the way Gary clears his throat in the morning he mentioned that ''The Magic Hour'' was canceled. Magic's final new show was last night. If you missed Howard's appearance on the show you can catch it tonight. They're rerunning it tonight for some reason. The show only aired for 8 weeks and Howard thinks that he helped keep it on the air for a couple of weeks longer with his history making appearance. Howard played tape from last night's Magic show. Magic thanked a bunch of people at the end of the show but left Howard out. What a dick! Howard got him his biggest ratings and he didn't thank him! Howard also played tape of Magic talking about him on some show in Washington D.C. Magic said that Howard didn't upset him when he appeared on his show because Howard was just doing his thing.
They went to break after that clip.
After that we heard Jim Forbes talking about how the CBS show came about and introduced Vinnie Favale from CBS. Vinnie talked about how they were in the same company at the time when they had merged with Infinity. He said that Mel was Howard's boss on the show so it was weird to see him there at CBS. Vinnie said he pitched it to Mel that they should have Howard on CBS. Vinnie said that before he knew it they were in a meeting with Howard.
Don Buchwald talked about how they were basically selling the same show they had on E!. He said it seemed like a good idea at the time. Mel Karmazin said that he had seen what Howard was able to do on radio and he figured radio is harder than TV. He said that they decided to have Howard's show syndicated on their owned and operated stations.
Howard said that it was a very weird situation and he thinks it was Mel and CBS that came to him with the idea. He said that they asked if hid minded them taking his show and putting it on CBS. He said they were already running it on E! and it didn't make sense to him. He said they convinced him to do it though. Howard said he didn't think it was a good idea though. He said they were expecting huge ratings like they had with the channel 9 show. He said he allowed it but his instincts told him it wouldn't work.
Vinnie said that Howard did agree to do the show but he didn't have time to give them. He said they thought it would be an original show like the old channel 9 show. He said Howard was very up front about what he wanted to do though.
Don Buchwald said that Howard wanted to wipe the other shows off the map but they really didn't have any idea what to do. Vinnie said they thought about it and they just wanted to tell everyone the truth. They called the show ''The Howard Stern Radio Show.''
That led into some news reports about the new show. Then we heard from Gary about the press conference they held and how great he thought it was going to be now that they were going to be on CBS. He said that they were live on the air doing this press conference and he gave the mic to Uzo who said that Howard was the ''fucking greatest'' and that's the way they started off on CBS. Vinnie said that he thinks the F-word did make it out on that press conference that day.
They played some of that press conference next. They had Pablo Guzman covering the story. They had the audio of Uzo cursing in the middle of the press conference. They had some of Howard's comments about the new TV show too.
Mike Gange talked about how they were already his TV team but they had another team coming in to do this show. He said they were going to be doing a lot of the work and then they were going to replicate it. Mike said that they were Howard's tapes but they were using their work and they weren't going to get paid for it. He said it was kind of strained in the beginning. He said they had two or three other guys in the hallway with cameras along with him so it was very odd. He said it was like the celebrities were walking into a press conference. Mike said the guys were nice but there was a lot of competition going on between the two and it just wasn't good.
Scott DePace said that he remembers seeing a shooter shooting another shooter and it was just getting ridiculous. Robin said she remembers how challenging that whole thing was. She said that they were trying to reclaim the glory of the channel 9 show and it was tough. She said that she didn't think it had the same kind of appeal.
Howard said the show came about and he shouldn't have done it. He said they just wanted something to fill with and that's what they got. He said that they wanted a channel 9 show like thing but they didn't get that.
Vinnie Favale said the show was kind of raw and it wasn't quite what they were looking for. He said that they showed the segment where Nicole Bass went into the bathroom with Robin so Robin could see if she was a woman. They played the clip from the show where Robin did that. Here's what I wrote that day:
Nicole Bass Visits. 8/4/98. 7:25am
Nicole Bass, the worlds biggest female body builder, came in to visit for a little bit today. Nicole has been appearing on the show since about 1994 when she appeared on Howard's New Years Rotten Eve Pay-Per-View event. Nicole looks very much like a man so that's what the whole interview was about today. She's now a professional wrestler so she got in a couple of quick plugs for a Pay-Per-View event that she appears in. It's called ''Heat Wave 98'' and it airs tonight. Nicole recently had some plastic surgery to make her look more like a woman but according to Howard, she looks the same. She got breast implants and had a nose job but she still looks like a man. Howard asked her if she'd submit to a genetic test to find out if she really is a woman. She said she would. Nicole swears that, although she hasn't had one in 6 months, she has had a period in her life. Howard said that he'd like to have her genetic testing done next week. In the mean time Howard convinced Robin to look at Nicole's vagina in the bathroom. Robin was very reluctant to do it but eventually broke down and went in. Nicole refuses to show it to Howard but Robin was a different story. The whole thing was really weird. The first time Robin went in Nicole wanted to bend over and show Robin what she looked like from behind. Robin laughed and walked out so Howard had to send her back in to see it from the front. According to Robin Nicole was very slow to take off her clothes. When Nicole did get naked she kept her legs together so it was hard for Robin to tell what it looked like. She didn't say much while Nicole was there but later in the show she said that the so called vagina had the texture of testicle skin, not the usual labia smooth look. Nicole seemed to be shaken by the whole thing. She was almost in tears. Hopefully next week we'll find out the truth behind the woman.
After that clip Vinnie said the next segment was the woman who shot ping pong balls out of her ''you know what.'' He said they couldn't show anything so they had to pixelate it. Vinnie said that they zoomed in on it and it came across really bad. Mel commented on that and said that the show wasn't quite ready for TV. He said the network wasn't ready for it.
That led into a show clip where a caller said that the CBS show sucked. Howard told the guy not to watch it then. He said he doesn't get why people have to tell him that. They don't have to watch it. Howard said there's no difference between that show and the E! show. It's just the radio show taped for TV. It's all the same thing.
We heard from Gary who said that Scott Einziger came in and changed it up a little bit and made it better after the first round. Mike Gange also said that it felt like the E! show and once they changed it then it got better. Vinnie Favale said that the show had good ratings but people were expecting something different. He said they wanted the channel 9 show. Fred said that he's not sure Howard even wanted to do that show. He said that it was better than a lot of shit that's on now.
Howard said he knew it wasn't going to work. He said it's the radio show put on TV. He said that it wasn't going to beat Saturday Night Live. He said that he had already done the channel 9 show stuff so he didn't want to do that again. He said he could have done that but that channel 9 show had burnt him out. He said it was just too demanding on him. Howard said he had a life and he wanted to be with his kids.
Vinnie Favale talked about this one segment where Howard was shaving some twins on the show and just the idea of doing it was wrong. That led into the show clip where Howard was doing the shaving. Here's what I wrote that day:
Woman Comes In To Be Shaved By Howard. 10/6/98. 7:30am
A 19 year old woman and her twin sister came in to meet Howard this morning. One sister wanted Howard to shave her genital area. The other sister was just there for the trip from Oregon. The woman didn't waste any time getting down to business. Howard had some Bic razors to shave with. He offered to use shaving cream but she claims she has an allergic reaction when she uses it so she went for it DRY! She said that she'd shaved half of it last night and left the other half for Howard. Howard went to it and shaved her for a couple of minutes. It must have been quite a site because she had some nasty stretch marks from giving birth to her baby 2 years ago. Plus, the razor was cutting her and making her bleed. After Howard shaved her a bit the woman took over and finished up herself. She had no problem shaving in front of everyone either. It was quite strange. After a couple more minutes of not much happening, Gary suggested that they move on to other things. Howard agreed and got rid of the annoying twosome.
After that clip we heard a news report clip where they talked about his CBS show being canceled in a couple of markets. They said that it had been canceled in 6 markets. That led into a show clip of Howard talking about how people bash the CBS show but not the E! show. Howard said it's the same thing. Howard said they got killed when they aired the conjoined twins on CBS but not on E!. He said it doesn't make sense to him. He talked about some of the stuff that airs on TV in France and how they have nudity over there with no problems.
After that we heard Don Buchwald talking about how hard Howard worked on that show. He said that he worked hard and there was a lot of fighting going on. Vinnie Favale said that they have guys working at CBS that have to go through the shows and tell them what they can and can't show. Vinnie said that doing things that flirt with the F-word and things like that then it's kind of a grey area. He said they had a woman on the show who had labia surgery and she brought it in encased in glass so it was disgusting but it's not clear if it can be shown or not. That led into another show clip.
In the clip Howard took a call from a woman who said that they won't show the opening of Howard's show on her local channel. Howard said that sounds weird to him. Howard told Robin about what this woman was just saying and how they cut to a WWF show instead of his show. Howard said he can't figure that out. He said that's a great way to screw over your audience. Howard said they always try to piss on his audience. He said that really pisses him off. Another caller said the show was bumped in Louisville too. He said they put Jerry Springer on instead. Howard said they were editing out the N-word out of the show too. He said that he may go in and resign. He said no one tells him about all of this. He said he's being kept in the dark about it all. He said he would have pulled the whole show if he knew that they were doing this stuff. He may end up doing that anyway. Howard said he doesn't need the aggravation.
Jim Forbes said that the network pay check was nice for everyone else. Benjy said that's when he got hired and that's when their relationship with Vinnie Favale started. He said that he started coming to their meetings and he started a personal relationship with Vinnie.
KC Armstrong talked about the checks they got for that show and how great they were. KC said that they started off kind of like the E! show but then they did the animation and things like that. Scott DePace said they didn't know what it was going to mean for the E! show but they were told they'd still have their jobs. Scott said he got paid extra for that too. Doug Goodstein said it was really good and it was a springboard for Howard. He said they were figuring out different ways to do the show. Ralph said that he was getting paid well to do the show too. KC said he was getting paid to be on CBS so that was wild for him. He said it was a crazy feeling. Benjy said that people value TV more and it was much bigger than he thought it was at the time. He said that show and SNL were the two biggest things happening at the time. Benjy said that he thought it was good but it got canceled... so maybe it wasn't that good.
Mike Gange said that the bit they did for Beetlejuice on the show was one of the best he's ever seen. He said that's the kind of stuff they were doing that was different than the radio show. Vinnie said they had some amazing animators on the show and it was great. Jackie talked about how he didn't know what was going on. He said that he tried to get some stuff on the show and they had some great bragging rights being on CBS.
That led into another show clip where Howard was talking about this TV show ruining things for him. He said Ivan told him it was going to ruin all of the good will the movie brought. Howard read an article about the CBS show where they were kind of bashing him. He said that this show should be fine at that time of night too. He said that all hell broke loose when he shaved some chick.
After that we heard Ralph talking about how it should have been like the Larry Sanders show. He said if they could capture the meetings and things like that then maybe it would have worked. He said that it was very hard to put it all together though. Ralph said it was very hard to pull it all together. He said maybe there were too many chefs in the kitchen.
Vinnie Favale said that they realized that it was a great reality show but it felt too much like the E! show. He said it was like they were doing a best of Howard Stern every week. Vinnie said they stumbled on the idea of showing the pitch meetings so they tried that out. He said that the meetings were great so they started taping them. The E! guys were recording in the halls but they were recording everything they could. He said it became an extended show where they had behind the scenes and it may have been too late into the show when they started doing that. He said maybe the show would still be on if they had started it earlier.
Fred talked about how he doesn't think there were many people in their corner. He said that Mel was in their corner but it's not clear if anyone else was. Howard said that it should have been the channel 9 show with a big budget. He said he'd have to quit the radio show to do that though so he wasn't going to give that up for a ''maybe.''
Vinnie Favale said that Howard and Robin are smart business people. He said they went out to pitch their show and ''Everybody Loves Raymond'' was going to be going into syndication. He said that they were trying to sell the show at this convention and they decided to re-sell the show for the affiliates at the convention. Vinnie said they were in this back room waiting and they were meeting with the affiliates and they were all taking the chance to tell Howard how much they hated his show. Howard and Robin just kept their smiles and kept it up. Vinnie said that's the world that Howard lives in. He said it was fascinating to see Howard have such a thick skin.
They played a couple of news reports about the ratings of the show going down and how Howard was going to be upset about that.
Fred said that judging from the outcome, he doesn't think that the other executives at CBS wanted Howard there. He said that Mel was backing them up but he's not sure if anyone else did.
Don Buchwald talked about how the show lasted two seasons and then they let it go. Mel Karmazin said it just didn't work and it wasn't the right venue for Howard's show. He said that Howard could have compromised and done something that would be more acceptable and it would still be on. He said that he enjoyed many of the shows that were on.
They played another news report where they talked about the show being dropped because it never developed the ratings they expected. They went to break after that.
After that we heard Dave talking about how he didn't realize what he had done until Howard kept playing it on his show and the record company wanted to turn it into a single. He said something very special happened that morning and there was something about it that changed the direction of the band. He said that they thought that they could do that as well as rock. He said the song blew up again all over again because of Howard. He said it sounds crazy but he doesn't know where they'd be if they weren't there that morning. Dave said that he owes that guy a drink for sure.
We heard from Gary after that. He said they got some resistance from the band when they heard what they waned to do. They played a clip of Howard talking about how they didn't want to come in. Here's what I wrote that day:
The Goo Goo Dolls Cancel Appearance. 9/17/98. 6:30am
The rock band Goo Goo Dolls were thinking of doing Howard's show. They have a hit song that Howard thinks is kind of gay sounding. Howard said that they could come in and play but he would have a bunch of gay guys dancing to the song. Howard and Gary would be dressed in sailor outfits and Fred and Jackie would be in thongs dancing along with the gay guys. It was a great idea but the Goo Goo Dolls couldn't understand why they'd do that so they canceled the appearance. Howard said he's going to try and force them to come in by threatening to stop playing their albums on his station.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how the band are all fans of the show and they didn't have a hard time getting over it. They had Johnny Resnick from the band talking about how their songs that became hits were always ballads but they were rockers at heart. He said he knew that he'd get his balls busted as soon as he walked in there. He said he wasn't insulted at all when he walked into the studio.
Gary said his contribution was that they should all wear white sailor suits like Tom Hanks did in ''Philadelphia.'' He said that his outfit was too small for him and it was all just really funny.
Ralph Cirella said that he loves when they build this stuff up to a big crescendo. He said when you see this segment now it's great because Jon Stewart was dancing in the gay dance party. He said it was all just really bizarre. Ralph said that when you track how it all came about it all made sense. He said it was the Goo Goo Dolls Gay Dance Party.
KC Armstrong talked about how funny it was and how they gave him an outfit that was so small it barely covered his sack. He said he was slow dancing with a gay guy and he had to keep telling himself he was just playing a part. Howard said it was great hijinks and he'll always appreciate them for that. That led into the show clip where they held the Gay Dance Party. Here's what I wrote that day:
Goo Goo Dolls Gay Wednesday. 9/23/98. 7:40am
The Goo Goo Dolls actually showed up! If you've been following this saga you know that Howard said the Goo Goo Dolls were going to do the show. Howard wanted them to sing their song ''Iris'' with gay guys dancing around. They backed out of the appearance so Howard put his foot down and demanded that they come on. His station stopped playing Goo Goo Dolls songs. Well they finally agreed to come in so Howard was prepared for ''Gay Wednesday.'' Howard spoke to the band before they played. They claim that they didn't know anything about the big controversy until the sister of one of the guys called up and said Howard was being mean to them. They didn't seem to mind doing any of this stuff. Howard and Gary were dressed in sailor outfits and Jackie and Fred were in thongs. Howard wanted to do a reenactment of a scene from the movie ''Philadelphia'' with Tom Hanks. Then Howard had comedian Jon Stewart come in. He was also dressed as a sailor. Vin the retard, KC, Elephant Boy, Scott DePace and a bunch of gay guys were also dressed in thongs and sailor outfits. Howard had everyone pair up to do the dancing while the Goo Goo Dolls performed. Some of the couples were:
During the clip we heard from Howard about how great the guys were about the whole thing. Brian Phelan and Scott DePace also talked about how crazy that day was. Scott said he got paired up with the gayest of gay guys that day. He said he wore the sailor outfit but it was very uncomfortable for him. KC talked about how bad the room smelled that day. He said that it was the smell of ''mung'' like a mixture of semen and B.O.
Johnny Resnick said that he walked into the middle of it and thought it was hilarious. They just rolled with it and he hasn't laughed that hard in a long time. He said one guy had a cock so big that he looked like Toucan Sam with his multicolored thong on. He said they had a great time doing the show that day.
Scott DePace said that the band was cool about it and they were laughing and having fun with it. He said they were shamed into doing it though. KC said he wished he had a bigger thong. He said you don't hear that very often.
They played more of the Gay Dance Party segment after that. They started off where Jon Stewart came in. After that we heard from Gary who was talking about the singer laughing his ass off during the song. Fred also talked about how funny that was. Fred said that you still wonder what the fuck that was to this day.
Johnny Resnick talked about how funny it really was that day and how he changed some of the lyrics to fit the show that day. He said they were invited back after that too so Howard was a lot easier on them after that. They played more of the Gay Dance Party after that.
After that we heard from Howard who said they haven't seen Jon Stewart in a long time. Gary said that it was all at just the right time to get everyone to do what they did. KC said that it was embarrassing but what the hell. He said that Jon made it all that more palatable. Fred said that Jon was his dance partner. He said that he wasn't the hottest but he was the most successful.
They played a clip of Mike Gange talking to Jon and Fred after the dance party. Fred and Jon talked about how well they did dancing. He said they were kind of doing that river dance kind of thing. Jon said he didn't look at Fred's thong. He said he's sure he looked fine though. He said he's not sure what else Howard is going to do to him next.
Gary said that people talk about that as their favorite moment on the show. He said that Cindy was hot to begin with and she let them squirt her down with super soakers and she had this super hot friend who was just a civilian. He said that it was very cool to have her doing the same thing.
Mike Gange talked about how funny Gary was in the studio that day because he got down to his underwear. Richie Wilson said he heard that Cindy shut that girl out of her life after that show. Richie said that the girl blew Cindy out of the water so maybe that's why. That led into a show clip where Cindy told Howard she had that friend with her. Here's what I wrote that day:
Cindy Margolis Plays Strip Homeless Game. 11/13/98. 7:10am
Cindy Margolis, the most downloaded woman on the internet, came in to play a game with Howard. It was just going to be a homeless question game but it turned into a strip game. The person who was being asked questions wasn't a homeless person though. The woman was an aspiring Playboy Playmate who was kind of dopey. Howard spoke to Cindy for a few minutes and found out that she got married in September. Howard and Robin didn't really believe that she's the most downloaded woman on the internet. She doesn't even have any nude pictures, they're just bikini shots. You can see for yourself at www.cindymargolis.com. Cindy agreed to play this game and if she guessed wrong she'd take off clothes until she was down to her bikini. She only had a shirt and skirt on so it didn't take long. To extend the game Howard thought that Cindy could change outfits or something like that when she answered wrong. Instead of that Cindy's beautiful friend Elisa came in and took off some clothes. Here are the questions:
| Question | Cindy Says | Homeless Answer | Correct Answer? |
| How many boroughs are in New York City? | N | Five | Y |
| How many planets are in our solar system? | N | Two hundred | N |
| How many days in a year? | Y | 365 | Y |
| Who wrote ''The Cat In The Hat''? | N | Dr. Seuss | Y |
| Is Canada North or South of the United States? | N | North | Y |
| Name one brass musical instrument. | N | Guitar | N |
| How many donuts are in a bakers dozen? | Y | Twelve | N |
| What does CIA stand for? | Y | Commission International Association | N |
| Where is the Eiffel Tower? | Y | London | N |
Cindy was down to her bikini by the fourth question. After that Elisa came in and resisted taking her clothes off because her bra was see through. The rest of the crew were also taking clothes off. Gary took his shirt off and Howard said Cindy had a look of disgust on her face when she saw his big fat belly. Jackie said Gary had bigger breasts than Cindy! Howard had his pants off by the 6th question. By the 9th question Robin wanted to stop playing because she had no desire to take her clothes off. Howard decided to end it but it would be a all or nothing question. Everyone answered the same way so everyone would have to strip if they lost. As you can see below, everyone had to strip down to underwear. Not only that but Cindy and Elisa agreed to stand in a pool of water and wet each other's t-shirts down. The biggest news was when Robin pulled her jacket off for a split second and showed her massive chest. She was still wearing a bra but that's the closest anyone will get to seeing Robin naked. All of the guys were impressed with how good Elisa looked and they loved seeing the two of them wetting each other down. After the water thing Howard offered them plugs if they kissed each other. They didn't want to do it but they did say they'd kiss Howard. It sounded like both Cindy and Elisa tongue kissed Howard pretty deep. Howard said he had to pull back. They didn't just do it once either. They ended up kissing a couple of times then had Howard close his eyes to see if he could guess who was kissing him. Howard guessed wrong but who cares? Howard was loving it.
After that segment we heard a Mr. Skin special minute where he broke down that segment where Robin revealed her G-cups to everyone in her white bra. We also heard from Robin about how she had to do her thing since she doesn't welch on bets. They played the rest of that segment and then went to break.
After that we heard Jim Forbes talking about how there were many celebrity revelations on the Stern show. We heard from Pam Anderson who said that Howard can get a lot out of people. She said that she's never been offended by Howard at all.
Jeff Probst talked about how Howard's interviewing skills are very underrated. He said that a lot of people gloss over it but that's what Howard does very well. Jeff said that when you're on the show you want to please Howard so you reveal things that you may not usually. He said that Howard has rarely failed in an interview unless someone walks off. Jeff said he's been there himself and he thinks that he's a nobody. Jeff said he's walked off saying he can't believe he just said all of that.
Kathy Griffin talked about how great Howard is at interviewing and how he won't put up with bullshit. It has to be full disclosure or don't go on the show.
Howie Mandel talked about how Howard forces you to be honest and that's why the show is as great as it is. That led into an interview clip with Howie where he revealed his OCD. Here's some of what I wrote that day:
Howie Mandel Comes In. 6/10/98. 8:20am
(Edited) The conversation eventually turned to Howie's obsession with cleanliness. He said that he used to be really bad and would have to shower 5 times a day so he wouldn't have any germs on him. There were some stains on the couch in the green room at the K-Rock studio so Howie wouldn't sit down while waiting to come into the studio. Howie explained that when he stays in a hotel he won't touch the comforter on the bed without wrapping his hand in toilet paper. He takes it off the bed completely when he sleeps because they don't get cleaned like the sheets. He also puts a towel in the shower so he won't have to touch the tub with his bare feet. The one thing that was really bothering him today was the fact that after Jonah touched his penis earlier he used that hand to open the studio door to leave. Howie said that since that moment he's been wondering how he's going to get out of the studio because there's no way he's going to touch that door handle. This was the best part of the whole interview! Howie was going crazy and everyone was poking fun. Howard told Howie about some of Jackie's bad habits when it comes to using bathrooms. Jackie will use a public bathroom and not put paper on the seat. That seemed to sicken Howie. This interview was getting close to an hour long without a commercial break so Howard had to let Howie go. He said that he wants Howie to come back because they're not done with this interview. Howard told Howie that when his show gets canceled that he has to come on Howard's show first. Howie agreed to it. Later in the show Howard said it was funny to watch Howie try to get out of the studio. Hopefully they'll show that on E!.
After that we heard Jerry O'Connell talking about how Howard is great at interviewing and he will end up in a museum for the interviewing skills he has. Willie Nelson also talked about how great he is as an interviewer. Johnny Knoxville also said that Howard is great at it and he's not sure what quality it is that he has that makes you open up to him. Johnny said that if you're being dishonest then he'll figure that out too.
Howard said that he makes the conversation real and when you're in a studio you don't think about the cameras since they're hidden. He said people can forget that they're on radio. He said it's so openly honest to begin with that it almost says to a guest that you have to be honest and open too. He said it's a real conversation and that's what he always went after as an interviewer. He said you have to relax people and show them you're willing to be open and honest.
They played a clip from 1999 where David Spade was in and a caller asked if he was at Madonna's house for a seder. Spade eventually broke down and told Howard what the experience was like. Howard had to kind of drag it out of him at first. Here's what I wrote about it that day:
David Spade Comes In. 4/16/99. 8:40am
(Edited) Howard was ready to wrap things up but was reminded that David went to some Passover seder thing at Madonna's house recently. They spent another 10 minutes on that subject before ending the interview.
Next up we heard Sarah Silverman talking about how she got advice from Jimmy Kimmel about how to be an open book for Howard. She said that he told her to answer questions immediately because if you pause on anything, Howard knows that's where to go. Sarah said that you have to protect things but you have to seem like an open book. She said she likes to be an open book too though.
Ozzy Osbourne said that Howard does some homework and asks about new stuff instead of the same old questions. Ozzy said he spends half his life in radio stations so he knows. Ozzy said that Howard asks questions that other people aren't willing to ask. You can't pull the wool over his eyes.
Howard said that Will and Jason do great research on the guests. He said you do have to prepare for interviews and have a game plan for where to go. He said that Will and Jason do a lot of the research and he'll think about that person and then he and Will have a conversation right before the segment. Gary will chime in too so he quickly puts it all together. That led into a show clip where Howard asked George Clooney about crapping in a kitty litter pan. Here's what I had in my archives:
Mystery Guest - George Clooney. 03/20/1998. 7:35am
(Edited) Howard read that George had taken a dump in a cat litter box one time. That led to George telling a story about staying with a friend and fooling him into thinking that his cat wasn't crapping in the box. He'd scoop it every time himself and after a couple of weeks of thinking he didn't crap, George took a dump in the box making the guy think that his cat had crapped that giant crap out itself. Howard wrapped up with George a short time later and let him go.
Next up we heard Richard Belzer talking about some of the things he's revealed on the show and how you have to be careful with what you say. Ryan Phillippe also talked about how he's not sure how Howard does it but it's a true gift. Belzer said that Howard isn't just going to ask without giving his own deep, dark secrets. He said he's charming in some way because he wouldn't be around if he wasn't. Richard said you can't fake that.
Jackie said he thinks that people enjoy opening up. He said that it's an opportunity and people like to be asked about their lives. Some more than others.
Jason Alexander also talked about how Howard has trashed himself as much as anyone else. He said there's something so genuine about it and he felt like he already knew Howard when he walked in there for the first time. He said that he was almost like a close friend based on what he had heard him reveal. Jason said that you wind up telling him things that you wouldn't tell anyone else because he has revealed so much about his life. Jason said he thinks that everyone wants to talk about stuff and you want to brag if you've had a threesome in your life. He said it doesn't come up much in a social situation to talk about that. He said you save it for the Stern Show and tell it there. That led into the interview Jason did where he revealed his threesome. That was a quick clip where he talked about having that threesome and having a drop of the other guy's ejaculate on his hand that made him throw up on the girl they were with.
We heard from Joan Rivers and Kathy Griffin about how great Howard is as an interviewer. Alec Baldwin also talked about how great Howard is with his interviewing skills. He said Howard can read people very well. Alec said that Howard will let you talk if you have something to say. Jerry O'Connell also talked about how Howard gets to points about the interviewee that you didn't even know you wanted to know about.
That led into a clip from March 25, 1999 when Ron Howard visited the show. They had some audio of Mike Gange interviewing Ron about listening to the show and how he sometimes he's horrified by the show but he enjoys it overall. Ron said that he's been told not to do the show but it was his idea to do it. That led into the show audio where Howard asked Ron about doing porno. Here's what I wrote back then:
Director Ron Howard Comes In. 05/25/99.
(Edited) They also discussed how Ron got his career as a director started up. At one point he seriously thought of doing a porno called ''Opie Get's Laid'' where he'd actually get laid in the movie. He thought better of it and didn't do it. Ron's first real movie was ''Grand Theft Auto'' which cost about $600,000 to make and it made $6 million. He then went on to do TV movies and eventually ''Night Shift'', ''Splash'' and ''Cocoon'' which got him noticed.
After that clip we heard from Russell Brand who was talking about what a great interviewer Howard is. Then we heard from Norm MacDonald and what he thinks about Howard's interviewing skills and how he just talks to everyone the same as he would interview anyone else.
Sandra Bernhard talked about how Howard is the perfect guy to just hang out with and that's the way she feels in the studio. Tom Bergeron also talked about the way things work on Howard's show and how he just blows through the usual nonsense that other shows do. Tom said that it's much more entertaining that way. He said that you get a more naked and real person that way.
Jeff Probst said that it took him a few years to realize that he stole a lot of Howard's interviewing skills to do his thing on Survivor. He said that he's learned to just ask the question and not think about it. Jeff said that Howard doesn't beat around the bush with a questions. He said that you get a very genuine answer if that's the way the questions are asked. Howard talked about how he asks tough questions. That led into a clip where Howard interviewed Elton John and asked him about taking Viagra.
Elton John Calls In. 12/16/98. 8:00am
(Edited) Howard found out that Elton tried Viagra just to see what it was like. He said it just happened a couple of weeks ago. Howard said that his boyfriend probably couldn't walk for 4 days after that. Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Elton and most of them were okay but there were a couple of guys who goofed on him for being gay.
After that we heard Dave Grohl talking about how Howard listens to what you're saying and he will let you get to the truth and not steamroll you. Jillian Barberie Reynolds also talked about how Howard is able to get incredible bits and pieces out of celebrities. She said that Howard does it all the time while these other interviewers will get one nugget and promote the hell out of it. She said that you just go in there and confess shit that you know is going to get you in trouble.
Jerry O'Connell said that he brings out the most interesting aspects from anyone he interviews and anyone who listens to the show knows that. David Arquette said that Howard is one of the greatest interviewers in the world and he gets stuff out of people that no one else can. He said that's where his genius is. He said he gets this honesty out of people. That led into an show clip where Howard was talking to David about Courteney Cox. He got really creepy with the things he was telling David he'd like to see her do. David said that he has seen her going to the bathroom. He said she'll pee in front of just about anyone. Howard told him to bring her in there then. Howard asked what he doesn't like about Courteney. David revealed that they go to couples therapy because she seems to be afraid of his past as a trouble maker.
After that clip we heard Tracy Morgan talking about how great Howard is. He said you have to listen and pay attention when he's asking questions. Tracy said that you don't have to be scared, it's just Howard Stern. He said he's down just like 4 flat tires.
Ben Stiller talked about how he didn't know what to think about Howard the first time he was in there. He said that he obsessed on his wife and his sex life so he just settled in and he didn't have an issue with it that much at the time. He said once you're in the studio you see this twinkle in his eye and you can tell he's just having fun. He said he's always been a fan too so he was fine with it all.
Courtney Love talked about how she thought a lot of things about Howard before she really knew him. He said that it was all anti-Howard and she vowed to never appear on the show. She said that she once saw Howard out at a gym one time and they had the same trainer. She said she thinks she had coffee with him and he turned out to be really cool. Courtney said that the whole grunge crew were against it but she was the first one to go on. She said she may have been a little bit boo-hoo the first time she went on. She showed Howard her boobs that time too.
That led into a show clip where Courtney had flashed Howard her boobs not knowing the cameras were on in the studio. Howard told her to flash again on her way out. Courtney was very upset when she saw that they caught it on the cameras. She couldn't believe that he tricked her into doing that. Howard said she did it because she was in love.
They wrapped up that segment and the show for the day. It was over around 11:35am.
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That led into a show clip where Howard spoke to that guy on the phone. Here's what I wrote back then:
The Lost Gary Tape. 6/17/99. 9:35am
Get ready for some entertaining tape. Earlier in the show a long time listener told Howard the funniest show he ever heard was over 10 years ago when Howard goofed on Gary so much that he cried. Apparently Gary was moping around the studio after breaking up with this woman Nancy he really liked. The worst part was that Gary had been cheating on Nancy during their relationship. Howard goofed on him and he ran out of the studio and wanted to be left alone... Fast forward to 1999.. The guy who dated Nancy right after Gary broke up with her calls Howard. The guy claims that Gary made a videotape apology to Nancy and sent it to her. The guy on the phone never saw the tape himself but he knew it existed. Gary confirmed the story and said there was 2 copies. He has one and Nancy has the other. When Howard heard that he went nuts. He wants that tape so bad that he's willing to give up everyone in his death pool picks for it. He also said that he'd stop calling him Baba Booey for the rest of his life. Gary is very reluctant to give it to him because he knows that he'll be goofed on for the rest of his life for it. Howard then asked Gary if he could raise $10,000 would he give up the tape. Gary was still reluctant but said he'd go home and watch the tape and think about it. The $10,000 was quickly raised by show members and listeners who offered up the money. One guy said he'd pay $5000 just to see it. Howard then started offering viewings to listeners who wanted to cough up the cash. People quickly called in and started offering $1000 for a view. Howard said that they could have a premiere that would allow the $5000 payers to see it first. Everyone else who paid less would see the second viewing. Gary describes the tape as being at least 10 minutes long with him sitting in his kitchen with a microphone in one hand and notes in the other. He goes on to say that he's sorry for what he did and he misses her. Gary hasn't watched the tape in over 5 years but he knows he still has it. It didn't take long for the phones to get jammed up with people offering $5000 for a view. Gary was getting uncomfortable with taking money from the listeners so he said he might donate it to charity. They figure they can get 30-40 people in the studio so there will be a lot of cash rolling in tomorrow morning at 7am when the first airing is tentatively scheduled to air. Tune in tomorrow early if you can to hear the tape. Howard says they're going to have 2 showings so if you miss the first you might catch the second. Gary says this tape is worse than his MTV audition tapes.. This should be good.
During that clip we heard Gary talking about how he had the tape at home and Howard wanted him to bring it in. Then they started offering him money. Gary said he asked for $25,000 and callers kept calling in with more and more money. He said he wanted the money so he was going to do it. They played more of the segment where callers started calling in with the offers.
After that we heard Gary talking about how he didn't think that much about it until he watched it that night. He said he could have just not brought it in but he was a whore for the money. He said he's not a good liar either so Howard would have known he was lying.
We heard from Howard who said that as months and months of great entertainment. He said it was very real. Benjy Bronk talked about how they can make a huge event out of something that a lot of guys have gone through. He said Gary could have just been nothing. They had this huge build up and it's a great example of how the show makes a huge deal out of something that could be nothing.
Gary talked about how he was wondering if he should call his wife to let her know what was going on. Gary said he got the cold shoulder from her that day. He said she had heard about the tape and he asked her what she thought was on it. She thought it was a sex tape. Gary said he asked where she got that idea. One of her friends had told her about it. He said he explained to her what it actually was and she ended up laughing.
That led into another show clip where Howard talked about what Gary told him about this tape. Here's my write up from that day:
The Babapology Tape. 6/18/99. 6:30am
Thanks to Joner for the ''Babapology'' title.. If you didn't hear yesterday's show you have to read about the lost Baba Booey tape that I wrote about. This morning Gary brought the tape in and was ready to collect his money. He told Howard that he watched it again last night and it's even more embarrassing that he remembered it to be. He said it wasn't just a couple of months after he and Nancy broke up, it was 7 months later! Gary said that he wanted to cut out the first three minutes of tape because it was kind of boring but Howard wouldn't let him do it.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about Gary saving that tape and how he didn't understand that. He said you'd think he'd just destroy it. Fred also talked about the tape and how no one would throw that tape out. Scott DePace said that it was fascinating that he kept the tape and he remembers writing stupid poems to girls when he was younger. He thought that's the level it was going to be at. We heard from Benjy about that too. He said that everyone has probably done something like that in their life. Fred said the same thing about people having those moments where they do things like that in their life. Fred said that no one was ballsy enough to put it on tape though.
Ronnie the Limo Driver said he could never do something like that on tape. Ralph also commented on it saying that a video camera is a dangerous weapon in Gary's hands. Scott the Engineer said that everyone does something stupid for love but this took it to new heights. Doug Goodstein also said that Gary makes colossal mistakes when he makes them. Tom Chiusano said that he went to Gary offering him 2 grand not to play the tape. He said that we all have our price though. Brian Phelan said Gary ended up $20,000 richer so good for him. They went to break after that.
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Scott the Engineer said he got the tape first and he thought it was perfect for the show. He said it would live on in show infamy. He said they had gold there. That led into the show clip where they played the tape for the first time. Here's more of what I wrote that day:
The Babapology Tape (Continued). 6/18/99. 6:30am
The first viewing went off a little bit past 7:00am. This Jewish Canter came in and sang a special Baba Booey version of the Star Spangled Banner for Howard but he didn't like it so he cut him off and kicked him out of the studio. It turned out that the first 3 minutes had some really funny stuff in it. Everyone got to see Gary from 11 years ago with his John Oates(Hall and Oates) look.. big moustache and all.
Gary started off telling Nancy why he was doing the videotape.. because he couldn't ''get an audience'' with her. He told Howard that he was able to talk to Nancy on the phone but she wouldn't see him in person. He also said he was able to date her after he made the tape but didn't get into details.
Everyone in the studio was laughing hysterically through the tape. The fans who showed up were commenting on Gary's big teeth and moustache. Everyone agreed that Gary came off as a big pussy.. and that was after only 5 minutes of the 12 minute tape!
Howard took a break and came back to keep the tape going. Gary hints that he may propose to Nancy a couple of times but those big choppers don't let it out. The first viewing went on for over an hour and 10 minutes. There were plenty of funny parts in the tape to make it worth rewinding.
At one point Gary tells Nancy that he ''lost my lover and my best friend'' and that she lost the same thing but gained another lover and best friend. Then he says that he gained some lovers but no best friends. Everyone burst out laughing. Howard called that formula ''Teeth=MC
Everything on the tape was about Gary, not about what Nancy might be feeling. Gary actually tells Nancy what she must be feeling. Surprisingly there were a couple of women who called in and told Gary the tape was sweet. Most of the other calls were telling him he's a loser.
Gary wasn't watching any of the tape because he was so embarrassed by it. At one point near the end of the tape Gary does one line of baby talk where he says he's ''not the begging type'' but he is begging. After watching the tape there was applause and Howard tells Gary ''You are weird!''
After that we heard Doug Goodstein talking about how Gary sold himself short. He said 25 grand wasn't enough. Doug said he had douche chills from that tape. He did an impression of Gary in the tape. Ralph Cirella said Gary should have gotten in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Brian Phelan said it was sad and pathetic but he did it because he was in love. Brian said he did make 20 grand off of it so god bless him. Robin said they spent hours of dissection going over that tape. She said that it was a horrible thing to commit to tape. Richie Wilson said the tape made him glad that he never put anything like that on tape. He said when you're the executive producer of the Howard Stern Show you have to know it's going to come back and bite you in the ass.
KC said that tape really came back to bite him in the ass. He said he kind of understands where he was coming from though. KC said he was kind of mean to Gary in the firs showing but Gary knew it was just goofing around. Fred said the video is good because you get to see Gary's poofy hair and Atlantic Records T-shirt. Brian Phelan said there are other women out there so you want to tell him to get over it but he was in love. Scott DePace said that there are still things to this day that they goof on him about. They make fun of him for saying ''Noine'' and ''I love you man'' and things like that. Sal Governale said that you can watch it over and over and it never stops getting unfunny. He said you never get sick of it. He said he's done a lot of douchey things himself but that takes the cake. They got back into that show clip again after that.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how humiliating that tape was to him. He said he felt very exposed while they played it. He said no one else was ever supposed to see it. He said he can imagine how it feels when a sex tape is released. Mike Gange said he couldn't have dealt with that much humiliation himself. He said it took Howard and hour to get through the tape. He said that they brought people in to watch it and goof on him. He said it's probably one of the best things to happen to the show though. Ralph said Gary has done a lot of embarrassing things and that might be the best. He said he and Howard still goof on Gary when they're working together.
Howard said Gary is so funny because he has these defining things about him but he just goes with it. He said Gary just understands the show and goes along with it. That led into another show clip where Gary was telling Howard about how he went out with Nancy after she saw the tape and she told him that she didn't want to be with him anymore.
After that we heard from Benjy about all of the catch phrases they use from that tape. He said it's become part of the show culture. Robin said you can listen and wonder what Gary was thinking at the time. All of the stuff that they say about Gary and how it comes up whenever you talk about him. She said it never ends. KC said he still remembers a lot of that stuff and recited some of that. He said a lot of it didn't make sense. He said he has to watch it again.
Tom Chiusano said that was countless hours of material for the show. He said he felt bad for him. Tom said no one wants to be exposed to 8-12 million people with something like that. Gary talked about how people thought he was a pussy for doing that but the thing that surprised him was that a lot of women thought he was a ball less pussy. He said he thought they'd appreciate it but many didn't.
Sarah Silverman said that tape is so funny but also beautiful. She said that on the second and fourth listening you hear he was kind of a dick. Gary said that he remembers bringing it in and Robin Radzinski from E! told him that it was all about him and he never says he's sorry. He was just telling Nancy what he wanted and it was all about him. Gary said he never realized it until he listened to it again. He said the whole thing is embarrassing. Gary said that he got like $23,000 for it but he didn't realize that he gave away all of the rights to it because they play it so often. Howard said that was a pretty good payday for Gary.
They played the a show clip where Howard played the ''Booey Maguire'' song parody. In the song they use clips from Gary's tape and put it to the tune of the Jerry Maguire theme song. They goofed on Gary for a few minutes while they listened to that song. Howard was doing his ''Booey Math'' and things like that. They went to break after that.
Gary talked about how main stream Snoop is now but he was very ''street'' when they got him for the first time. Snoop talked about how they feel very comfortable with Howard because he's clever enough to set up his guests in the right way.
Howard said that Snoop is uncontrolled id and he just goes. Howard said he'd like to do a 4 hour interview with the guy. He said that he obviously wasn't being controlled by a publicist that first time he came in. He said he's a great guest. Gary said the rap community loves them and they've always loved having rappers on the show. He said they cared about their lives and not even the music so much.
Snoop talked about his pimping and how he brought that up on the show. That led into the show clip where Howard met Snoop for the first time. They edited down the interview. Here's my write up from that day:
Snoop Dogg Visits. 06/09/1999. 8:30am
After the commercials Howard said he was reading the newspaper about Kathie Lee Gifford who was upset with Ivana Trump for putting out a magazine with the people who run The Globe. She didn't want to support it so she refused to interview her. He thought that was kind of nuts because she was mad at The Globe for printing the story about her husband Frank.
Howard quickly moved on to Snoop Dogg who was there to promote his album ''Bitch Please.'' He played some of the album as Snoop was coming in. He said Snoop had major gold jewelry around his neck. He talked to him about that a little bit and then got right into the pot discussions. Snoop said he's been smoking since his uncle introduced him to it at the age of 7. Gary said he could smell the cannabis coming from the green room when he was out in the hall. Howard said he remembers all the brothers smoking that stuff when he was in 8th grade. They'd even smoke it in health class.
Snoop said he got kicked out of school for doing that when he was in 12th grade. Robin wondered how he gets away with that stuff now since everyone knows he smokes. Snoop said that the cops recognize him and just let him go. He also said that there's a medical condition that he has that helps him get out of it. He said there was nothing specific, he's just sick. Howard played some of Jackie's pot song for Snoop and Snoop said it was like some Country hip-hop.
Howard said the guy who got Snoop started on pot was his uncle. Snoop said he remembers that guy doing the pimping and stuff like that. He started getting laid when he was 13 or so thanks to his uncle. He said he knew a whole lot of ho's when he was growing up so that's why his pimp hand is strong now. Robin wondered what that meant and if he had women. Snoop said he has a stable of women and that's a side business he runs. They can do him all kinds of favors and get him weed and stuff like that.
Howard asked Snoop about being in a gang and wondered if there's any way out for him. Snoop said that they wouldn't bother him these days because of the status he has. He told Howard about selling coke when he was in the gang and how he was making money for himself. He said he was ''Ghetto Fabulous'' which meant he had a lot of money for a guy living in the ghetto. He went to jail for a little while and then met up with another guy and started the record making stuff. He said that jail showed him that it was no place for him so he didn't want to go back there.
Howard asked Snoop how he knew Cameron Diaz because it said he was friends with her in the notes he had. Snoop said she was a friend of a friend of his. He was also talking about how he would steal from his white friend's families. He said it worked out well because he was bussed into the white school neighborhoods and bussed back home after he ripped them off. Tara was telling Snoop that he could rob her mother anytime.
Robin asked Snoop if he's still using the five finger discount. He said he's got guys who do that for him now when he goes out. He said they'll fill their pockets while he's signing autographs. Howard brought up Cameron Diaz again and asked him if he was friendly with her. Snoop said he spoke to her a few times. Howard and Robin were still on the story about Snoop ripping off his white friends houses. Tara asked him what they would take. Snoop said they took stuff that they could sell quickly like jewelry and stuff like that. He said he can always go back to that if the whole music thing doesn't work out.
Snoop talked about the ho's he has out there and how they're always working for him. He said that they'd better bring stuff back for him or else he takes off his size 11s and beats them with them. He said they'd have to dig his size 11s from their asses if they don't bring him back some stuff. Howard jokingly said he had Ike Turner on hold and he was saying Snoop was out of control.
During that clip we heard Snoop talk about how he met Rappin' Granny that day. We also heard from KC Armstrong about how bad she is and how she seemed to be treated like a kid when she'd come in. He said she was like an accident on the side of the road that you can't avoid looking at. Snoop said she was a treat to watch. That led into another clip from that interview where Rappin' Granny visited...
Snoop Dogg Visits (Continued). 06/09/1999. 8:30am
Howard asked Snoop if he was okay with this Rappin' Granny woman coming in to rap for him. Snoop said that was fine and told her to come on in. Granny came in a short time later to a lot of laughter. Howard talked to him a little bit about this white rapper Eminem and what he thought about that. Snoop said he was down with that because he's Dr. Dre's boy. Howard then moved on to Rappin' Granny and found out that she was 75 years old. She was wearing a mini-skirt and hot pants. Granny said she's got a young body but her face does make the young men pass out.
Howard told Granny he was going to give her a shot to rap for Snoop. They played some rap music for her to rap to. She rapped but wasn't really following the music. Howard told one of the guys to take his bullet proof vest and shove it in her mouth. She continued to rap so Howard said that there wasn't one erection in the 50 markets he was on in. That got Jackie laughing pretty hard. Howard cut Granny off a short time later. He told her to let that sink in with Snoop. They told her that she'll be on Snoops label if she lives to 200. Snoop said that her first album would be called ''Gut and Butt'' if they put one out. She showed the guys her body before she left. Howard said that was the Rappin' Granny but she corrected him and said it was Fruity Nutcake.
Frank The Dwarf And Beetlejuice The Dwarf Come In. 07/14/1999. 8:25am
This guy Frank the dwarf was on the show back in December with his manager Sean. They do dwarf tossing for bachelor parties. Frank was going to come in shave his girlfriends head but it didn't work out that way. When they came in the girlfriend was really upset and crying about something. Howard brought them in to the studio to find out what the deal was.
Frank and Sean came in with a black dwarf whose nickname is Beetlejuice. They call him that because his head is so small and he looks like a character from the movie ''Beetlejuice.'' Howard spoke to Beetlejuice a little bit and wondered what was going on there. He said he didn't want to spent the whole show on this. He said Beetlejuice has a tiny head but Beetlejuice said he thinks it's large. Frank explained where the name came from but Howard but him off and said he was obviously drunk. Howard explained who Frank was an dhow he had been on the show before.
Sean said they found Beetlejuice in the neighborhood by where he lives. Beetlejuice told Howard that he's actually the tallest in the family. He has some brothers and sisters and he claims to be taller than all of them. Beetlejuice claimed that his parents weren't dwarves but the rest of his family was, but then contradicted himself and said that he was the only one. Howard said the headphones looked like they were going to crush Beetlejuice's head like a walnut.
Howard got Frank's girlfriend Patty in the studio to find out what was going on with her and Frank today. Patty is an ex-stripper who has been going out with Frank the dwarf for 2 and a half months. She said that she was crying this morning because Frank had cheated on her... again. She said that this is about the 5th time he's done that and she was upset. Howard was amazed that Frank can get laid that much being a dwarf. Frank denied that he's cheated on her. Howard had the two of them kiss and make up but it didn't seem to help much.
Benjy came in at one point and told Patty that he'd treat her right if she went out with him. She said she might be interested and within a few minutes she agreed to go out with him. Frank got pissed and said that Benjy wasn't going to touch his woman. Benjy said he'd fight Frank for her. Patty told Frank it was over and then admitted she once slept with a bouncer after finding out that Frank cheated on her. That pissed off Frank even more.
KC said he's never seen Jackie so amused by something. Jackie said there was a lot to figure out there. Howard had to end all of the fun so he had Sean give his plug out. You can see pictures of the dwarfs at JollyDwarf.com.
Howard was going to go to break but ended up listening to Type O Negative covering the song ''Cinnamon Girl.'' He said he loved the cover and said he could tell he was going to be addicted to it.
After that clip we heard Beetlejuice being asked about that first appearance. He was just rambling about how he called in for a couple of minutes. Fred said that nothing can prepare you for the superstar that is Beetlejuice. He said that no one has as much stature or magnetism as Beetlejuice. Fred said if there's a party going on and Beetle is in a corner then people are going to wonder what he's going to do next.
Doug Goodstein said Beet is a legend. He said his legacy will be bigger than even Howard's will. Norm MacDonald said Beetle always cracks him up. John Stamos likes him too but he said that Beet wouldn't talk to him the last time he was there. Mark McGrath said that he had Beet run out to sing with them at a concert once. David Arquette said he loves Beetlejuice too. He said he thinks about him running around doing his appearances and he's such a pimp.
Richie Wilson said he remembers taping Beet vomiting in the bathroom. He said he got them on tape. Richie said they had Beet on the show and about a week later they were going to send him out to do some interviews. He showed up shit faced after drinking 40 ouncers. He said that Beet kept drinking during the seminar they went to and then he came back and threw up in the bathroom. He said that he hasn't laughed so hard since then. Richie said he would puke and then get tons of toilet paper to wipe his mouth and then he'd repeat the process. That led into the puking show clips. Here's what I had in my archives:
Beetlejuice The Dwarf Calls In. 07/28/1999. 7:55am
After an edited out break Howard came back and talked about some jokes that he got about the proof that Jesus was black, Irish or Italian. He read through a bunch of that stuff and had the guys laughing. He moved on to the Beetlejuice stuff after that.
You might remember Beetlejuice the dwarf from a couple of weeks back. He's a dwarf who has a really tiny head and giant teeth. Well, Howard got him on the phone this morning because he had some tape of him trying to do some intros for a segment they were putting together for the E! show.
Howard tried talking to Beetlejuice on the phone but he was barely understandable. Howard played the tape where Doug from E! tells Beetle how to say a line like ''What's up, it's Beetlejuice and I'm going to learn how to pick up women..'' or something like that. Beetlejuice was drunk so he couldn't say the line even close to what Doug told him. He'd just blurt out how he can pick up the women and that he's a bad mother f'er.
After that Howard had tape of Beetlejuice puking up his 10 cans of beer that he had that day. He got sick so the camera followed him to the bathroom. It doesn't sound like an interesting tape until you hear the sound the tiny-headed man makes. It's kind of like. ''UUhhKK.. GUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLL'' along with the sound of fluid dumping into the toilet. It was a very strange sound. The poor guy must have puked 10 times on the tape.
The sound was so strange that everyone was laughing hysterically when they heard it. Howard tried talking to Beetlejuice after playing the tape but he couldn't understand him so he just thanked him and got off the phone. You can see Beetlejuice at www.jollydwarf.com.
After that we heard Jerry O'Connell talking about Beet, who he knew as Lester. Jerry said he knew him because his mother was a special needs teacher and she taught him. Jerry said he grew up with a soft spot for kids with special needs. He said there was a part of him that felt uneasy with him being on the Stern Show. He said that he was torn for a little bit but as the years went on he said that the show has been incredible for Lester. He said he's become famous because of the show. Jerry said they've all been really nice to him and he's really proud of Lester. Jerry said that he's made a name for himself and he's shown that he's not just flash in the pan. He's here to stay.
David Arquette said that Beet is hilarious and Howard handles him in a different way. He laughs but he's laughing along with him.
Jim Forbes said that Beetle outlived Hank the Dwarf. KC said that Beet will fight with anyone if he's in a bad mood. He said that Hank never disappointed with his hatred. He said he didn't like other midgets and it was great seeing the two of them fighting in the hallway. Doug Goodstein said that he's not sure if Hank was jealous. He thinks that Hank liked him but if he was drunk then he'd hate him. Doug said all hell would break loose if he was drunk and he brought up his name. Doug said that Beet will say he hates someone if you tell him they hate him too. One day they were friends and the next they weren't. That led into the clip where Howard talked to Hank and Beet after their hallway fight. Here's my write up from that day:
Hank The Dwarf And Beetlejuice. 3/17/00. 7:50am
Hank the dwarf and Beetlejuice the tiny headed dwarf came in to hang out for a little while this morning. Howard heard that the two of them got into a little fight out in the hallway. Beetlejuice came in first. He had his hair and eyebrows painted green for St. Patrick's day. He told Howard that he's going to be in the New York St. Patrick's day parade today. Howard tried to find out how he did that but Beetlejuice can never give a straight answer. Howard brought in Hank a few minutes later to find out why the two of them were fighting it out. For the next 20 minutes the two of them had a pissing contest over the dumbest things. If Hanks drinking came up Beetlejuice would say that he can drink more than him. If Hank's height came up Beetlejuice would say he's taller than him. Beetle said that he's better than Hank at just about everything. Hank called Beetle a ''stupid little midget'' and everyone pointed out that Beetle is taller than Hank. Hank said that if he is taller it's only by a couple of inches. Apparently this all started back at Howard's birthday show a few weeks ago. Hank said that Beetle didn't want him to meet William Shatner for some reason and the two of them started in with each other at that point. Beetle said he doesn't even know who Shatner is and he doesn't know why he didn't want Hank to meet him.
After that clip they went to break.
After that we heard Jim Forbes talking about how that discussion inspired a bunch of songs under the name of The Backside Boys. Howard talked about how he didn't have that all planned out. He said that everyone piled on and that's how it came about. Fred talked about how gay that music is and how none of those guys have a musical bone in their bodies. He said they just got young girls excited. He said that's what Howard's commentary was on all of that. That led into another show clip where Howard and the guys performed their song.
After that we heard Fred talking about how he was going out to perform at a gig one weekend. He said he wrote a couple of songs that weekend and one of them was ''The Gay Way.'' He said that the rest is history. Howard talked about how he will start riffing on the air and then the guys jump on and get in on it. He said that this was one of the songs that will go down in the history of the show. They played Howard and the guys performing that song.
Howard, Jackie And Fred Practice ''My Brown Eye.'' 9/27/99. 8:45am
Howard and the gang came up with a couple of new song parodies. The first one they performed was ''My Brown Eye'' and the second one was ''The Gay Way'' to the tune of a Backstreet Boys song ''I Want It That Way.'' After performing both of the songs live Howard took some phone calls. Pretty much everyone agreed that ''The Gay Way'' was the better of the two. A short time later Howard and the gang sang the song again. Howard decided to call the band ''The Backside Boys'' and said he's even willing to go on MTV to perform it.
After that clip we heard KC talking about how much he hated all of that awful music. He said he did start humming some of it to himself though. Ralph said you hear that song now and you only hear the Howard Stern version of it. Ralph said that he was going through something on YouTube and he saw an animation of it where he's shaving Howard and it's pretty funny. He said the production of the song was good too.
Scott the Engineer said he wasn't part of the band but they had some incredible sessions making the songs. Howard talked about what a great song parody it was. He said it was easy to sing and Fred helped him out with some of the stuff he couldn't sing himself. Scott said they went in the studio and did the song and Howard and Fred were working together like a married couple. He said the song came out brilliantly. Scott said they had to edit the lyrics because of censorship problems. He said there were versions that never aired.
Fred said they did the songs pretty straight forward. He said they didn't get naked in the room or anything. He said the songs have stood the test of time. Scott said everything just worked right for that song. He said it all came together and Howard thought it was great. He said it was probably the two biggest song parodies they've ever done. That led into another show clip where Howard was talking about how they had no money to make videos for the songs.
Howard Has Problems With ''The Gay Way.'' 9/28/99. 6:25am
(Edited) Howard also said he wanted to make a video for the song but none of his shows have the budget for it. The radio show, the E! show and the syndicated Saturday night show are all tapped out. Howard said that Vinnie Favale from the Saturday show said he would call the people at Comedy Central to do the video but they'd probably have to give them 24 hour exclusive rights to the video. Howard said he doesn't want to do that.
They also played the song ''Backside's Back'' and ''The Gay Way'' in that segment. Jim Forbes said that Scott DePace was one of the detractors for the band. Scott said he found it hard to find that stuff funny. Gary said that they had a discussion about the band opening the concert the radio station held yearly. Fred said they were going to do that and it would have been nuts.
Howard said it was a tough announcement to make. He said he had been distracted for months about that. He said he met with his publicist to figure out how to handle the whole thing. He said other people were involved so he had to try and answer questions honestly without stepping on any toes. He said it's still difficult. Howard said making that announcement wasn't easy. That led into a show clip where Howard announced his divorce. Here's what I wrote that day:
Howard Talks About His Separation From His Wife. 10/25/99. 6:10am
For those of you who haven't heard yet, Howard and his wife have legally separated. He's not divorced, just separated. A lot of people thought he wouldn't show up to work this morning but he started off the show saying that he's not in seclusion and ''All broads.. please call...'' He told Robin she'd be in charge of the line of women. That was the easy part for Howard to say. He soon went on to explain how hard this has been for both he and his wife Alison. He said the whole weekend was a nightmare. He spent the weekend telling people about what was going on and actually crying. He said he hadn't cried since college and he finally shed some tears this weekend. He said he spoke to Robin over the weekend but he didn't hear from Jackie or Fred. Robin also shed some tears when she found out about all of this. Howard said that he and Alison aren't fighting over all of this, it's an amicable split. He actually spent more time with Alison over the weekend than he has in recent months. He had a party to attend and he went with his wife. He said that his father-in-law told him that he will always be his son-in-law. Howard explained that being ''legally separated'' means that they're no longer a married couple but they're not divorced. He and Alison went through a mediator to work out the details instead of letting a lawyer drain them of every last cent.
The reason for the split? - Howard said that his ''workaholic'' attitude has a lot to do with it. The people who are speculating that it was all of the strippers and bare breasted chicks in the studio are wrong. Howard has a lot of things going on and he wasn't spending a lot of time doing things with Alison and that led to this. The two of them have been in marriage counseling for the past year but that wasn't working. This separation was still up in the air just a few short days ago. They finally decided to do it and had their spokesperson Dan Klores make the announcement Friday night.
Howard said that he and Alison decided that they need a break and he hopes that they can eventually work things out. He says that she's still the best friend he has and no one is closer to him.
Howard read a bunch of articles that were written about the situation and he said only one guy, Joel Block, got the picture. Block said that the problem was with intimacy. Howard said that's basically right.
Bloated Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and said this whole thing is very surreal and he's very saddened by it. John Popper of Blues Traveler also called in later in the morning and said that he just found out about it and was also saddened by it.
This separation sent shock waves through other relationships on the show. Stuttering John and his wife had an argument over it and Gary had a little run in with his wife after she overheard him talking to Howard on the phone. A lot of articles are saying that this break-up will have a chain reaction causing many relationships to break up. Howard has always bragged about being married to his wife so long and now it's all gone up in smoke. People are speculating that many couples will have second thoughts about their relationships. Many people thought that Howard would never get separated from Alison. Now that the unbreakable force has been broken, others may follow.
The clip they played was edited down quite a bit. We heard from Howard about how honest he was trying to be with the audience that day. Howard's mom and dad talked about how tough that was and how they did it in the right way. Ben said that they all went away satisfied. Ben said that was a very positive thing. Howard said that he has only wonderful things to say about his wife and kids. Next up they played more from that morning picking up where John Popper called in.
After that we heard from Howard and Don Buchwald. Don said that people said that it was going to change the way people feel about Howard Stern. He said he doesn't think that's happened. He said that Howard is such an honest guy and he just tells it like it is. They played more of the show clip where Howard asked the guys how they were feeling.
We heard from Howard again who was saying that he thinks some of his best material came out of being married. They played Dave Grohl's acoustic performance of ''My Hero'' as they were wrapping up that segment.
After that we heard Howard talking about how he learned a lot about himself while he was single. Howard said he likes being with someone and not being alone at night. He said he had this dating thing going but he realized he was just lonely. He said some of it was dating and some of it was just him trying not to be alone.
Robin talked about Howard moving into an apartment and she got a call from him saying he didn't like being alone. She said he hated being alone. It became a nightmare for everyone while he got through that mess. She said that he was in a constant state trying to make sure he wasn't alone that much. Robin said the show became secondary to that need to have people in his life. She said that's what was going on. That led into a show clip where Howard talked about having a conversation with Rick Rubin about being single.
After that we heard Pat Manocchia talking about how Howard didn't even know where he lived at the time. He had a car that drove him everywhere. He said he told Howard how to live in the city because he had never lived there before. Pat said he told Howard to go out to eat with him and it seemed to flip a switch in him. He said that Howard loved it and that started the bowl rolling.
Richie Notar talked about how he met Howard when he was in the process of getting a divorce. He lives two blocks away from him so they had some fun together. Richie said he felt bad for him but he also wanted to see Howard getting to know Manhattan.
Former K-Rock DJ Chris Booker was also single around the same time and he talked about how that all seemed to happen for everyone. Ross Zapin talked about how his girlfriend threw the newspaper at him and told him to look at that. He said he didn't have a girlfriend much longer after that.
Howard talked about how he was busy with his wife, family and career so he didn't have a lot of time for male friends. He felt he had missed out on all of that. Howard said it was nice to have that. Marco Battaglia also talked about the fun they had with Howard. He said they had some Scores fiasco's and things like that. He said he has some good memories about all of that. Pat talked about how wild the Scores stuff was. He said Howard would show up in his car and he'd go out and go for a ride with Gary, Howard, Ralph and whoever. He said they'd be at Scores at 11 in the morning. They'd have a giant buffet and a ton of girls there. Pat said that it was totally surreal and there were no rules. Ross said Howard was having a good time.
That led into another show clip where Howard was reading an article about his divorce and how he was going to fail and his show had peaked already. He said he's been reading that his whole career. He said the author admits she doesn't even listen to the show. He said it's a dumb article. Howard said maybe she wants a date. He read through the article and she was claiming that some fans said that the show has gone downhill since the separation. She was also saying that some listeners may follow the trend. Howard said he's like a media voodoo doll. Howard didn't get why anyone would care if he was separated.
After that we heard Howard talking about how people thought he wasn't going to talk about his dating and stuff. He said that's what the show is about. He said the show isn't over just because he got separated. He said it was a very emotional thing.
Dee Snider said that Howard went from being the everyman to the guy who did everything. Dee said that he wasn't sure what was going to happen to the show after that. Dee said at the end of the day most guys go home even after they are tempted. He said that Howard was now a single guy and he was a swinging dick. He said that Howard started partying and going out and it was amazing that he survived that transformation. He said his audience loves him.
Gary said the weird thing was that they went through this 180 degree shift where he used to date and Howard was home with kids. After the separation it was Howard going out and dating while he was home. Gary said he was jealous but not of the hooking up. He said he was jealous that he missed that phase where Howard got to go out partying.
Ralph said that there were some very fun times with Howard. He said it did have its drawbacks though. He said they'd have to start dinner at 5 instead of 7 or 8. He said they tried to tell Howard that he was missing out on the prime time. Ralph said it was like a job to Howard.
Ross said that Howard was in bed by 9 so Midnight was like 4am to Howard. He said that Howard would want to go to the clubs but they'd go so early. He said they'd try to stretch dinner out long since they were missing out on when most people were out.
Richie Notar said that they were being treated like royalty when they'd go out. Ross said they didn't want to leave. He said it was like Weekend at Bernie's. He said they'd try to keep Howard there as long as possible. Richie said they would beg him to stay because they were getting laid thanks to him. Richie said that it was very nice of Howard to stay out once in a while. Ross said they still had fun even though Howard would leave early.
Ralph said that Howard would leave early but he'd get phone calls from Howard at 8 in the morning to plan for the next night. Ralph said he was exhausting. Ralph said he has no idea if he wants to go out at night at that time of morning. Ralph said Howard gets into stuff and it's all or nothing. There was a lot of ''all'' at the time.
Howard said Ralph would tell him that he was way too needy. He said that it wasn't an enjoyable part of his life. He said he met some great women and they were good to him but he thinks that he was very unhappy that he was alone and didn't do very well alone. He said he didn't understand that he needed someone in his bed because he was lonely.
That led into a show clip where Howard gave Robin some of his pickup lines. He told Robin that he had a woman come up to him and ask him out while he was walking down the street. Howard said she told him he was looking pretty good. She knew who he was of course. Howard said no woman is going to ask him out if she doesn't know who he is. Howard said this woman asked him out for a drink and he asked for her number. Howard gave Robin some more pickup lines. Howard said that chick was very bold and brave to ask him out like that. He said that he could never do that. He said it was great and it touched his heart.
After that we heard from Chris Booker again. Chris said that when people saw Howard it was like they were seeing a Unicorn. He said that people would lose their mind when they would see him out. Pat Manocchia said that Howard elicits the kind of reactions that are loud. They will yell out his name at the top of their lungs. Chris said that the girls were great. He said you go out and try to get attention but the girls would just flock over when Howard was there. He said it was really a pass to play. He said the girls were always coming around and Howard would talk to them. Howard was always very cool and very nice to them. The rest of the guys just wanted to get laid.
Ralph said it was very easy to find shrapnel girls around. Ross said that girls were always slipping phone numbers. He said that they'd be out and a lot of guys would come over too. He said Howard is more of a guy magnet than a chick magnet.
Howard said he was on a mad feeding frenzy at the time. He said he thinks it was just loneliness. Howard said it overwhelmed him.
Marco said they were out one night having drinks and laughs. He said one night they got up to leave and he saw a woman get up and beat them to the front door. He said they got to the street and the woman asked where Howard was going. She said she had something to show him. She lifted up her top and showed them her breasts. They told her to come along but she said she was with her boyfriend in the restaurant. They told her to come with them but she didn't go. He said that it's very good to be Howard.
Pat said they were out at a party one night and they had about 30 guys there. A couple of tables away there were some women there who were used to taking their clothes off so they did that. They were being encouraged by their dates to do it. He said it made a bit of a splash in the restaurant.
That led into another show clip where Howard talked about how busy he was looking for poontang. Here's what I wrote that day:
Howard's Nose Job And Freedom From Marriage. 01/19/06. 10:40am
(Edited) Howard and Ralph spent some time talking about the days when he was still single and trying to meet tons of chicks. There were always chicks out when they'd go out together. They remembered the days when Howard had women floating around him like flies to shit. As soon as Howard would leave, the women would disperse and Ralph would be stuck with the bill.
Howard talked about one day when he picked up a chick at a club and took her out of there. As they were leaving, a bouncer asked her not to push him. She said ''Fuck you nig***!'' so Howard wanted to get out of there. He said that was the last time he wanted to sleep with a chick he met in a club. She was yelling out the N-word to a bouncer in a club, that's crazy. Richard came in and told Howard that he should give a show to Ralph and some of his other friends to talk about what it was like when Howard was dating. Howard said that wasn't something he was looking to do, they'll keep that on the show.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how he was using people and people were using him. He knew it wasn't good for his health. Gary talked about how Howard started drinking and how crazy it was. He said that Howard didn't really drink before he got single.
Pat Manocchia said that Howard was a little uncomfortable with the whole situation. He said that he would start to date girls and stop dating others. They went to break after that.
That led into a Mr. Skin clip where he said that the movie ''Sexual Predator'' is the best for seeing Angie topless.
Jim said that Angie was booked to do the show in January of 2000. That led into a show clip where they had a quick discussion about her coming in later in the show. We heard from Angie who said they were actually dating at the time. They played some of the interview with Angie from that day. Here's what I wrote back then:
Angie Everhart Comes In. 1/10/00. 7:40am
Actress Angie Everhart came in this morning to promote the fact that she's in the current issue of Playboy magazine. Earlier in the morning Howard and Stuttering John made a bet. John bet Howard $20 that he wouldn't be able to get Angie to tongue kiss him. Howard accepted the bet. When Angie came in Howard immediately told Angie about the bet and she said she'd do it. Howard told her he'd split the money but she didn't want it. She headed right over to his lap and within a few seconds the two of them were making out. John was in the studio to watch and said that he couldn't see tongue because both Howard and Angie's hair was in the way. They had to do it a second time. The whole time Howard was talking to Angie in his soft, sexy voice. She stayed on his lap for about 20 minutes while he spoke to her and told her how he'd like to take her on a date sometime. Howard called her a ''little angel'' and continued to talk to her in his sexy voice. Stuttering John asked Angie if she finds Howard attractive and when she said she does, John asked her ''What's the name of your seeing eye dog?'' He also asked her how long it would take Howard to get in her pants. She didn't have an answer for that one though.
Everyone in the studio was amazed that Howard kissed Angie the way he did. Jackie, Robin and Gary all said they were very surprised. Gary said that he's never seen Howard kiss a woman like that. Howard said he kissed his movie wife the same way in ''Private Parts''. Robin said that scene must have been cut because she didn't see that type of kiss in the movie. Angie was really into Howard and said she would go on a date with him. Howard told her that he'd just take her to his apartment and have a nice dinner then do some dancing. Is Howard in love?
After that segment we heard Jim talking about how Angie got an icy reception from the crew and everyone else when she appeared on his Birthday show. Angie said that she didn't have anyone with her and it was kind of awkward for her. She said that it was secretly fun too though. She said Howard is such a sweetheart and Howard would look over at her and wink so his family would look at her and wonder who she was.
Howard's sister Ellen said that it was hard for her to see Howard with another woman. She said that Howard picked up on it and he's very sensitive about that.
That led into a clip where Howard talked to the guys about Angie and how she was treated at the birthday show. He said she was very sweet to him.
After that clip we heard some of the birthday show clip where Howard spoke to Angie. Here's what I wrote back then:
The 46th Annual Howard Stern Birthday Show. 1/21/00. 9am-10am
(Edited) The next big guest was Howard's new girlfriend Angie Everhart. She was just on the show last week but she flew in just for this occasion. Howard kept saying that the looks and glares from his parents table were very cold. Angie said hi to his parents and said she wouldn't hurt him. They're still talking about going out on a date. Angie said she's free tonight but Howard has his kids. He's free over the weekend though. Angie told Howard that Ralph was hitting on her backstage. Ralph said he's jealous. Angie told Howard that she has a gift for him but she's going to wait and give it to him in private. The audience let out a ''WOOOOOO!'' when they heard that. Howard said ''My mother looks more uncomfortable than Christopher Reeve'' after Angie said that.
After Angie left Howard's sister told her mom what she'd just said during Angie's segment. Howard's mother said that Angie's not Jewish. I guess she wants Howard to date a Jewish woman. Howard doesn't care and pointed out that his sister's husband isn't Jewish. Mom said that's different but didn't give an explanation.
After that clip we heard an Entertainment Tonight news report about Howard dating Angie. Howard and Angie were denying that they were dating.
Howard said Angie was very cool with him. He said she never said that she was his only girlfriend. She used to tell him that he had to see other people. He said that was very cool of her to do. Angie said that Howard wanted to protect his family and they were trying to keep it as low key as possible. Richie Notar said he would go out with Angie and Howard would come out later. He said that's how they kept it under wraps. Richie said Howard wasn't ready to reveal that he was dating. He was very careful not to be disrespectful to his family.
They played a show clip where Robin asked if he had checked the polls on whether or not he should date Angie. Howard hadn't checked them. He said he might have to go out with her though. He said he wasn't sure if he was ready to do that.
After that we heard Angie saying that she had to move to the West Coast so she couldn't keep traveling. That ended their relationship. Howard said he did fly out a couple of times to see her and they would catch up out there. He said he was very lucky to be with her. Angie said that Howard was one of the best boyfriends that she's ever had. She said she still loves Howard. Howard said he needs to write a book to teach people about how to do that.
Jim Forbes said that Robin Givens also asked Howard out before she even went on the show. They had some E! show footage of Mike Gange talking to Robin Givens about why she was there and she said she was there to ask Howard out. She joked that she was kidding but she sounded serious. That led into a show clip where Howard was talking to Robin Givens. Here's what I wrote back then:
Robin Givens Comes In. 1/18/00. 8:05am
(Edited) Howard then went back to the date question. He changed his mind about going on a real date with Robin. He said he'd go out to eat with her as a friend though. Howard then told her that he can't really date her but if she slips her number to Gary, he might give her a call sometime. They discussed a date a bunch of times during the interview and by the end of it they were still thinking about doing it but on a friend basis.
Howard had Robin talk a little bit about ''Forgive or Forget'' before ending the interview. She said that it will have more energy and it will be more upbeat than the old version.
After that clip we heard another Mr. Skin minute where he gave out some information about her being naked in 3 films. He said the best one is ''Rage in Harlem.''
Ralph talked about how Howard got Robin Givens and how spectacular that was. He said she looked great at the time. He said that she's super hot and it was a good score. Richie Notar talked about how Howard would bring her out to places that he wouldn't bring other people out to. Richie said it was Howard expanding his sense of the city and he really dug it.
Howard said he really dug dating her and he was seeing her right up until he met Beth. Howard said Robin was very good to him just like Angie was. He said that she knew that he was involved with a lot of people and she wasn't going to hold him back. Howard said Robin is a tremendous woman.
That led into a show clip where Howard talked about all of the women he dated. He said it was 20 million. He changed that to about 12 after some discussion.
After that we heard Benjy, Doug Goodstein, Mike Gange and others talking about how there were always rumors about Howard dating the hot women that were on the show. Gange said that he would take a liking to the girls on the show and it was more than it was in the past. Ralph, KC and others talked about how there were a lot of rumors about who he was dating but they didn't know for sure. Ralph said that Howard has said that his doorman must have thought he was crazy with the number of girls he had coming in.
Carol Alt talked about how she and Howard were separated for a while and their timing was off. She said she would have dated Howard if she could have. Carol said that things work out in the end the way they're supposed to.
Jillian Barberie Reynolds said that she and Stuttering John's wife went out and talked about it. She said that she heard that her name came up but she never did get to date him. She said that she's glad that things worked out the way they did. Pam Anderson also talked about how much she likes Howard. She said he reminds her of her family... but her family isn't Jewish.
That led into another show clip where Howard talked about how he was out at Scores with Pam Anderson. He told the guys the details of that night and how he and Ralph were out at Scores with her.
Next up we heard from Mike Gange who said that everyone wants to know all of the details of Howard with Pam and also the night he was with Carmen Electra in a shower. That led into the show clip where Howard told that Carmen Electra story. Here's what I had in my archives:
Carmen Electra Comes In. 10/30/00. 7:45am
(Edited) Robin wanted to know more about how Howard and Carmen ended up in a steam bath together out in Malibu. Howard retold the story about how he had Carmen over to a friends house to hang out with her. They hung out during the day and did a lot of talking. Howard had a cold at the time and thought that taking a steam bath would be a good idea. He invited Carmen and the two of them went in dressed in bathing suits. Howard didn't make any moves and Carmen was glad he didn't. She was telling them how she does like aggressive guys when she's attracted to them but when she's not attracted then it's just disgusting. Robin heard that as telling Howard she's not interested but Howard thought he was just being a nice guy. That's the way Carmen explained it also. She said Howard did everything just right by not making any moves on her. She would have been turned off if he had.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how he thought he was going to be a man about town. He said that lasted just a couple of months. He was on a wild tear. Howard said he's so into work that the lifestyle didn't fit him. He said he also felt like a creep after a while. They ended the show a short time later, right around 11:40am.
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KC's Tanning. 1/5/00. 6:30am
Howard had KC come in to the studio so he could talk to him about his sunburn. KC goes to a tanning salon to get a tan and Howard finds that very odd. Yesterday KC went to a new salon and got burned after only 12 minutes in the tanning booth. Howard told him that he must be gay because he's so obsessed with his looks. He said that no straight guy would go to those lengths to keep his body tan. KC says his body looks better with a tan and that's that. Howard told him he shouldn't even have time to do stuff like that but KC said it was on his way home that he did it. Howard told him that he should just come out of the closet already. He tried to argue with Howard saying that Howard works out to keep his body in shape so it's like the same thing. Not even close according to Howard. Working out is healthy, tanning is unhealthy was basically what Howard was telling KC.
After that clip we heard KC talking about how the whole gay thing never bothered him. He said he thinks it helped him with girls. KC said that broads always want something they can't have or they hear you're gay and they want you as a friend or test you to see if you're really gay. KC said that he got a lot of attention that he might have to work to get.
Richard Christy started a phony phone call craze during those times. We heard KC talking about how he loved KC on the show and the way he'd yell at people was so funny. Richard said he loved his stories about Bucket Head and the tanning stories. He said he loved when they railed against him about being gay. He found their number for the office and one night he started calling in and leaving voice mails. He said that a lot of them were about KC because he loved railing on him. He said he would play different characters in the calls. Richard said he thinks the first one that Howard played was to KC in early 2000 and he had just gotten a rectal exam from the proctologist. He went and got the finger up the butt and he left a voice mail along the lines of getting the exam and saying KC probably wishes that he was that doctor. That led into the clip of the voice mail that Richard left for KC.
After that we heard Richard mentioning another one of his calls. Then they played that one from the show as well. Richard was talking about why KC may have wet the bed and the reason is because he's probably a faggot.
After that clip we heard KC talking about how Richard's voice was funny and that alone was funny. Richard said he loved when Jackie would howl laughing at his voice mails. He said that made him so happy. That led into another show clip where Howard was playing some more of those voice mails. One of them was Richard saying he was the manager of a hotel KC had stayed in and he found some fecal matter and some hairs from the ass of a black man in his bed. Howard said that's a lot of effort to put into those calls. Then Richard called in as the ''head fag from the Playgirl mansion.''
After that clip we heard KC talking about some of the great stuff Richard would come up with for those calls. He said that he kept looking forward to them when he'd call in. Gary said that KC was really amused by Richard Christy. Gary said he didn't know who he was but KC was the one pulling them. Richard knew that so he kept it up.
Richard said that he'd leave the messages around 10 at night and he would get through and leave them. He would go to work the next morning and he'd be on the Howard Stern Show. He said he'd make everyone stop working so they could hear his voice mails. He said it was really cool. He said he was a Superfan and he still is. Richard said Howard plays those songs he made about KC too. Richard said he had so much fun doing all of that and being part of the show.
They played another show clip where Howard played more of Richard's voice mails. He had one where he was offering KC some self tanning oils because they were looking to get into the ''fag market.''
After that we heard Richard talking about how he left one for Robin for Valentine's Day. He said he loved that they played it a bunch of times around that time. He said they made fun of some of the stuff he said wrong. Richard said it came across real creepy.
They played the show clip where Richard left that voice mail for Robin. They played that and goofed on Richard about the way he was saying some stuff in that one.
Jon said that he heard from a buddy who said that Howard was talking about his site on the air. Jon said he turned on the radio and heard Howard talking about his site. He called in and he ended up talking to Howard about a bunch of shows. That led into the show clip where Howard spoke to Jon for the first time. Here's what I had in my archives:
When Good TV Shows Go Bad. 6/5/00. 8:25am
A few weeks ago Howard was talking about this web site JumpTheShark.com where people discuss when their favorite TV shows go bad. Today Gary came in with a whole list of shows that he found on the site. Gary and the rest of the crew discussed a few of them. The guy who started the site called in at one point. He told Howard that he just does it as a hobby and it's become a huge hit. He doesn't even make any money off the site. Gary brought up shows like:
After that clip we heard Jon talking about how the site was on the rise at the time but when he went on Howard his server went down within seconds. He said he knew every time he was on Howard his site would crash. He said what he would do is increase the bandwidth the day he was on. He said it never worked. He said the traffic always exceeded the bandwidth.
We heard from Howard who was saying that he always liked Jon. He said the site was great too. Fred said Jon gets the show and he knows what aspects of his site he wanted to talk about. He said Jon brings a lot to the show too.
Mr. Skin Calls In. 3/23/00. 8:20am
This guy who calls himself Mr. Skin has a web site, MrSkin.com where you can find out about just about every nude scene celebrities have done. He called in to share some of his knowledge with Howard. Howard said that he has spent hours on this guys web site just finding out about all of his favorite female celebrities nude scenes. The information is free on the site but if you want to see video clips and screen shots you pay a fee of $4.95. Mr. Skin claims that no studios have come after him because he's just reporting on these celebrities. Howard had Mr. Skin show off his amazing memory for nude scenes. Mr. Skin could tell you the movie and even the date the movie came out if you ask him for a nude scene. Howard first had him give his favorite scenes for current Oscar nominees. Here are a few:
Howard had Mr. Skin tell us about some other celebrities you wouldn't think would be nude in movies. Kathy Bates was one. Mr. Skin says she was in ''At Play in the Fields of the Lord'' and she does a full frontal nudity scene and it isn't pleasant. She's not a thin woman. An 83 year old Jessica Tandy did a nude scene in ''Camillia'' where she showed her back end. Gillian Anderson from ''X-Files'' did a nude scene in ''The Turning'' and showed her breasts. Mr. Skin said that one is hard to find. Molly Ringwald showed off her great breasts in ''Malicious'' according to Mr. Skin. He said he was surprised at how great her rack was.
Mr. Skin also does his own Oscar-type awards on his web site at this time of year. For best breasts he gave Diane Lane the award for real breasts and Shannon Elizabeth from ''American Pie'' got the award for phony breasts. He's not sure they're phony but said they look too perfect to be real.
Mr. Skin answered a few questions from various show member about some other celebrities. Courtney Cox did a sex scene where you can see her breasts in ''Blue Desert''. Rosie Perez shows her cans in ''White Men Can't Jump'' and Jennifer Lopes shows hers in ''Money Train''. Julia Roberts name popped up a couple of times but she's never done a really good scene where you can see her breasts. In ''Pretty Woman'' a body double was used so you don't actually see her breasts. One caller said that you can kind of see her real breasts in a sex scene but Mr. Skin said it's not worth checking out. Mr. Skin said that Keri Russell from ''Felicity'' did a wet t-shirt scene in ''8 Days a Week'' that's definitely worth checking out if you're a fan. Mr. Skin also said that Mimi Rogers in ''Full Body Massage'' is another great one to check out. She's nude through most of the movie and it's all gratuitous sex scenes.
Mr. Skin says that he thinks the top 3 actresses for a nude body of work would have to be Sharon Stone, Jennifer Jason Leigh and Demi Moore. Gary called in pretending to be a listener at one point and asked if Angie Everhart has ever done a nude scene. Howard wondered why he did that. Gary said he just wanted to know. Mr. Skin said that she did a nude scene in the sequel to ''9 ½ Weeks''. Howard's movie wife, Mary McCormack's name also came up but she hasn't done any nude scenes. Before getting off the phone he went through a few more celebrities who haven't done nude scenes but have done some sexy scenes. You can get all of this info at MrSkin.com
After that clip we heard Richard Roeper talking about how he knows Mr. Skin and he frightens him. He said he's a great guy though. We heard from Mr. Skin again too. He said that after going on the show his business took off. He said his servers were knocked offline that day. He said that was like the start to the success. He said that 10 years later it's the biggest reason that the site has been a success.
Gary said that the real David Letterman had been in the hospital around that time and they had the idea to have Evil Dave call in as Dave and tell racist jokes about the doctors and nurses at the hospital. Vinnie Favale said that he was freaked out because he sounds exactly like Dave and there were people who should have known better who thought it was the real Dave. That led into a show clip where Howard had Evil Dave on the phone. Here's what I wrote that day:
David Letterman (?) Calls In. 1/19/00. 7:00am
Well, we've been duped again. Howard told us that he had an exclusive interview with David Letterman who just went through quintuple bypass surgery last week. Someone who does an amazing impression of Letterman called in and spoke to Howard. This guy called in last month and had us all fooled when he went off on Jay Leno and his lame act. This time ''Dave'' was complaining about his non-English speaking nurses. He said that the hospital is like ''the Alamo with stethoscopes'' and the nurses all stink of hot sauce and cheap perfume. He was also upset that Johnny Carson is healthy while he's lying in bed with his chest sliced open. ''Dave'' also made some racist comments about Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock when Howard asked if he'd let them guest host for him. He said that Jerry is ''too Jewish'' for his audience. After the call a listener called in and complained about the Letterman call. He was fooled and thought that Dave was really avoiding all of Howard's questions and making all of the racist comments. Howard didn't bother to tell the caller that it wasn't really Dave.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how dead on that voice was. Gary said you'd think that everyone would know it wasn't him. He said that Rob Burnett from Letterman's show called him all pissed off. He said that Rob was upset they were doing that just a day and a half after he had heart surgery. Gary said that he wasn't incorrect so he went in during the break and told Howard about the call. Gary said Howard got on the air and started trashing the shit out of him. Rob took it pretty well and made his plea to the audience and told them that it wasn't really Dave on the phone. That led to the show clip where Rob called in to talk about the Evil Dave thing. Here's what I had in my archives from that day:
Howard Pissed At Letterman's Producer. 1/20/00. 7:35am
(Edited) By 8:30 Rob Burnett was on the phone to apologize. He told Howard his side of the story and apologized for upsetting Howard. Howard spent a little bit of time talking to Rob and telling him that they're square now and he's not upset with him. He said Rob took it like a man and made the call.
After that clip they went to break.
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Howard Back From 3 Day Weekend. 1/18/00. 6:05am
Robin brought up an article in ''The Globe'' which features a picture of Howard down in the Bahamas. Howard read the article on the air this morning and said he doesn't know where the pictures might have come from. He doesn't look his best in the pictures of course. The article described how his vacation went down there with no women around.
After that clip Howard talked about how he and a bunch of guys went down to the Bahamas and it was just a bunch of guys. We heard from Ross Zapin and Richie Notar who were down there with Howard. They talked about how Howard was out there in the Bahamas at the Atlantis and felt like he was trapped. Howard said that he was walking through the lobby and people were yelling out his name. He said he was ready to leave at that point. He said that he was moved to a more exclusive room but he was still having his picture taken. He said he would walk out of his room and it was just crazy. He said it was great once they moved him though.
Jim said that Howard met some people down there who invited Howard out to Mercer Restaurant when he got back to New York. That's where Howard met Beth.
Beth talked about how she met Howard in May of 2000. She was invited by a friend to a dinner party and she was single at the time. Beth said she was going out on a lot of blind dates and they just weren't working out. She said she was going to stay open to anyone that was there at the party. Beth said it was pouring down rain and she almost didn't go to the party.
Howard said it was a rainy, cold night and he was out with his kids that day. He said Ralph was very insistent that he go to this party. Howard said he didn't want to go but Ralph insisted. He said that he ended up going. Ralph said he was responsible for that night and he will never let them forget that.
Beth said that she was about 15 minutes into that night when she wanted to go home. She said that's when Howard Stern walked into the room. She said that her brothers and father were all fans of Howard's but she wasn't. She said that she was excited to report to her brothers and father that he was there at the party though.
Howard said he wasn't in any mood to meet anyone that day. He said he hardly knew the guy who the party was for. He said he was eating and Ralph went to sit with some hot blonde. He said he didn't even see the girl. Beth said that she was watching Howard eat and he didn't look at anyone. Howard said there were a bunch of South African's there at the party and he could barely understand what they were saying. Howard said one of them was on a blind date with Beth. Howard said he just sat there and ate.
Beth said that Ralph came over and sat with her and they talked about shoes, bags and clothes and she thought he was gay at the time. Ralph said he thinks that's just something she says because she was attracted to him. Beth went on to say that she saw Howard ran out of food so she handed some over to him. He said he thanked her for that and continued to eat. Howard said Beth got up to go to the bathroom and he jokingly asked who said she could get up. She didn't find that funny. Howard said he was going to walk out to the Mercer Hotel and some girl asked him what he was going to do that night. Howard said he was just going to go for a walk to a club. This girl said she wanted to come and she followed him to their table.
Howard said Beth was talking to Booker and this girl turned to him and said he had beautiful eyes. He didn't hear that but Beth did. Beth said that's the worst pick up line ever. Booker said that was a bad line but Howard does have beautiful eyes. Beth repeated the line to Howard as a goof and Howard thought she was serious. Beth said that line worked for her and she got weak at her knees when Howard looked at her. She said she knew she had found her forever person and she fell in love that second. Howard said he talked to Beth and asked her to come out to Spa. He said she wanted to go home but he tried to convince her to come out. Beth said she really wanted to go home but Howard insisted so she went along. Howard said he even brought that other girl who he met at the bar.
Howard said he didn't know Beth was on a blind date that night. He said Beth told him to go dance with some other girls but he ended up just talking to her. Chris Booker said that he saw Howard coming over toward them while he and Ralph were hanging out. He said Howard asked if they thought she was hot. Ralph told Howard not to go and get married and ruin their good times. Ralph said he didn't remember saying that but he might have.
Beth said that she wanted that night to go on forever. She said that Howard offered her a ride home but she didn't want him to bother. Beth said Howard didn't even know where he lived. Beth said that it turned out they lived half a block away from each other. Howard said they really hit it off that night. He said that he had asked her to come see his apartment since it was newly renovated. Beth said that it was like 1 in the morning by that time. She said that she doesn't think he's been out that late since that night. Howard said he really just wanted Beth to come over and see the apartment and he wasn't going to do anything or hit on her.
Beth said that she spent a few hours talking to him and then Howard walked her home around 4 in the morning. Beth gave him her number and they went off their own ways. Howard said he didn't want to play any games so he called her a few hours later. Howard said he called her and asked her to come over right then. Beth said they got together that morning and they've been together ever since.
We heard a show clip where Howard talked about how quick he and Beth got together. He said that it was a couple of weeks before he had sex with her. Howard wasn't giving an exact time to Robin. He said he was trying to keep this relationship going.
After that clip we heard Beth talking about how she called her mother on Mother's day and told her that she was just about to go over to a man's apartment and told her that he's an amazing man. She told her that he's very well known and she wouldn't believe who it was. Her mom guessed it was Mel Gibson. Beth said her mom was disappointed. She guessed Brad Pitt and she was wrong about that. Beth told her it was Howard Stern and her mom gasped and slammed the phone down. Beth said her moment to church and didn't talk to her for 2 weeks. This is a woman who she talked to every day. Beth said they flew her mom out to meet Howard and she has been in love with him ever since. Beth said that she was confused by Howard on the radio and the real person but it's all good now.
They played another show clip where a caller asked about seeing Howard out with some woman at Mercer Kitchen. Howard told the guy it was just a friend he was out with.
After that we heard from Howard again about how he found this special person and he figured that it was time to be in a relationship again. Ross Zapin said that Howard met this great girl and he hung up his cleats. He said that he misses the parties that they were going to at Scores.
Mr. Skin had a Mr. Skin Minute about Beth O. He said that she's yet to do a nude scene. He said it'll be huge news if she ever does.
We heard from Beth about what she was doing before she met Howard. She talked about how she was modeling and appearing in bits on David Letterman. She said they asked her back again and again on the show. They played a clip of one of the bits Beth was in on Letterman.
Beth said that she was doing catalog modeling and some dropped her when she got all of this notoriety for being Hoard's girlfriend. She said she got into FHM though so that led to more and more work. Beth said it all sky rocketed. She said that the one negative thing is that she was dropped by Letterman. They stopped calling when they found out she was dating Howard.
Vinnie Favale said that there is great controversy over this and everyone is probably right just a little. Vinnie said they had about 10 people in rotation and at the time when Beth was on a lot they did viewer mail a lot. He said that's when they had those sketches going on. Vinnie said they really didn't drop her because she was dating Howard. Vinnie said that Howard is 100 percent wrong about it being because they were dating. Vinnie said Howard loves that idea but they stopped doing the viewer mail and they stopped using the other women on the show too.
They played a show clip where Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw him out with a beautiful blonde woman. Howard bleeped that off the air. Howard said he just has to live his life.
After that clip we heard Beth talking about how Howard wanted to keep it a secret for a while so he could be sure it was the real deal. She said that Howard didn't want any pictures taken. She said that for the first 6 months of the relationship they stayed in his apartment. Howard said he wanted to keep it under wraps for a while. He said they have been together ever since though. He said he knew it right away.
Next up they played a news clip where they reported on Howard's new girlfriend. Beth said that they went out with Ben Stiller and his wife one night as one of their first dates. She said they went to Nobu and that was like their coming out party.
We heard from Ben Stiller about how he has spent time with Howard off the air and he's very nice and not provocative. He said he's just a guy. Beth said she thinks that Howard was ready to come out with the relationship around that time. That led into a show clip where Howard talked about going out with Beth.
Next up we heard Beth talking about Howard being so nervous introducing her to his parents. She thinks that a lot of that had to do with her being Catholic. She said that she and Ray connected and they really love each other. She said they have a very special bond and she may be her favorite person in the world. Beth said she and Ben talk about the stories in the NY Times. She said that she has the best feelings about them and she's so happy to be in their family.
Ray Stern said that Beth is very down to earth and she's happy that Howard is happy. Ray said she's delighted that they met. Ray said that Howard is very serious about his relationships and they're both very good to each other.
Beth talked about how Dominic Barbara invited them out to his house on Shelter Island. Beth said that they went out to use the house but they didn't want Dominic there. Beth said they got to the house and Dominic had stocked it with food and it was very clean. She said they actually had sex for the first time in Dominic's bed there at that house.
That led into a show clip where Howard took a call from Sal the Stockbroker who was asking who this girl Beth is that he's dating. Howard wasn't amused.
After that clip Robin said that Howard would pretend he was single but he wasn't single for that long. She said that it was crazy that he would deny he was dating this girl. Mike Gange said that Howard would take Beth out to events and they'd see them together. He said she became known more quickly. He said that Howard never brought other women out like he did with Beth.
Howard said he never wanted to get married or have kids and Beth was very good about that. He said that she still doesn't want kids.
They played another show clip where a caller asked Howard how he could jump into another relationship so fast. Howard told the caller that if you find someone you like then you date them. He said you don't dump them to just date more. The woman wondered why he wouldn't just get to know women better before getting into a relationship. She didn't get why he would be off the market so fast. Howard said he found that when you're single you can bang a different chick every night if you want. He said you date and date and then you find a woman you really like. The caller didn't think he had been single that long. Howard said it had been 8 months and he likes this woman. He said he's not going to blow it with this one he really likes.
We heard a couple more people talking about what a great couple Howard and Beth are. Then they played another show clip where a caller told Howard how awkward he is when he's out. The guy said that Howard was very rude when he was out and he walked in first ahead of Beth. The guy said Howard did the same when they left the restaurant. Howard let the guy go on and on about how he's going to lose this girl over the way he acts around her. Howard asked if he was with a girl at the time. The guy was alone. He said he was waiting for his date. Howard said he must be insane. He said that he'd been going out with her for a year. He said maybe he knows how to treat a woman and the caller doesn't. Howard said he did walk in ahead of her. He said that's true. Howard said that Beth won't let him have her walk in first. The caller said that's a lie and he could see it on her face. Howard said he'll call her and he can ask her himself. Howard said Beth told him to walk in first. The caller insisted he was lying. The guy said when he saw Howard walk in he saw Kevin Bacon walk in after him and he just ignored him. The guy said he could tell by the facial expression that even Kevin wondered why he didn't hold the door for this woman. Howard and Robin talked about how nutty that caller was. Another caller told Howard that he has to do something different to keep a hot chick around. He told the other caller to shut the F-up and leave Howard alone. Howard said he's not going out to dinner anymore.
After that we heard Ralph talking about how great Beth is for Howard. He said that he couldn't make anyone any better for him. Ralph said she's tall, beautiful, she doesn't rattle on like some girls. KC Armstrong said that she's awesome and stunning, smart and fun to be around. KC said that can make life worth living.
They played another show clip where Howard talked about a note he got from Shaune Bagwell talking about how much fun she had on the show. That led to Howard talking about how great his relationship is with Beth. He said they had been together for a year and it was working out great. Howard said he's having a real relationship for once in his life. He said they've agreed that if they ever don't feel right about it then they're going to call it off.
We heard from Beth about how people always ask her about his penis size and she thinks it's fine. She said she has seen his butt and it's not as bad as it is in the Fartman outfit. They went to break after that.
That led into a show clip where Howard talked about starting his production company and how he had this new TV show coming out. He didn't give out the name at that point.
After that clip we heard from Tim Stack who created the show with Howard and some other people. Tim said that he and Howard both went to Boston University at the same time. Tim said that they took just about anyone there and he kind of remembers Howard being there. He said they met years later because of Don Buchwald. Don said that he ran into Tim at NATPE once and he introduced himself. It turned out Tim used to bartend at his house during parties. Tim said he bar tended his house in 1976 or so and he had to drive this guy Robert Lansing home because he was so drunk. Tim said he got that job driving him back and he had no heat in his car. He said he had to throw him in the back of his car with a blanket. Tim said the guy was a big star at the time. Don said that Tim told him these funny stories and he told Howard he should really meet this guy. They met and Tim gave Howard only his best 50 or 60 ideas and Son of the Beach was one of them.
Howard talked about how Tim came up with this Baywatch parody and Tim would play the lead role. Tim said he pitched the show to Howard and said you take Hasselhoff out and put him in. Howard loved the idea. Tim said that was it. Howard said he loved Baywatch and Tim being that guy was a great idea. Don talked about how they made a deal with Tim and pitched the show. Tim said they pitched it to like 12 places. That's how the show got sold.
Jim Forbes said they sold the show to cable network FX. Howard said they could do it for them or for FOX. They wanted Rob Schneider for the lead role though. Howard said that the FOX deal was very rich but Tim said he wrote it for himself so he understood that. Howard said he got what he was saying and he believed in Tim. They passed on that concept of selling the show for someone else to star in it. Howard said he was happy that they kept Tim in the role. He said that was Tim's heart and soul.
Don talked about how they helped FX kick off with that show. Don said that The Shield was another show on the channel but Son of the Beach was the first go round there. He said that laid the groundwork for a bunch of things to happen. Tim said that it was Howard Stern who helped make that channel.
After that we heard a show clip where Howard was saying he got a threatening letter from the people from Baywatch after they heard him talking about ''Son of the Beach.'' He said the only comparison is that the show is on the beach. He said he has to watch what he says about the show now. He said that it's really not like Baywatch. He's sorry if he confused the two. He said the show is its own show.
After that we heard Tim talking about how he came up with some of the ideas on the show like his name ''Notch Johnson.'' Tim said that they were trying to come up with a show where he would play someone in charge. He said that he wanted to play the Hasselhoff character on Baywatch. He said that's what they went with. He said that everyone but Kimberly knew that he wasn't the right man for the job. That led into another show clip where Howard talked about the casting for ''Son of the Beach.'' Here's what I wrote that day:
Howard's Trip To Los Angeles. 11/15/99. 6:25am
Howard spent Friday night casting for the new show he's producing ''Son of the Beach.'' He said they found almost the whole cast and had a read through on Saturday. They just need to cast one more person and they'll be set to start shooting on December 13.
After that we heard Beth talking about how she tried out for the role in Son of the Beach. She was in a movie called ''Flirting with Disaster'' in 1996. She said that she wanted to pursue the acting thing so she went on more and more auditions and she's really not an actress. She said she tried out for the character BJ Cummings and it turned out it was Howard's show. She said that she's not sure she'd be together if she had gotten the role.
Howard talked about how tough it was doing the show but he did enjoy it. He said he might go back to doing something like that some day. Tim Stack said that Howard was doing his radio show and he was producing this TV show at the same time. They were over nighting all of the dailies and he was watching everything they sent to him. He said that Howard was very involved with the show and he was always amazed by that. Tim said Howard was always right there right up until the last episode. Tim said that was the best episode in his opinion and in Howard's. Howard said he had fun doing the show and he got to produce something.
That led into a show clip where Robin told Howard about the show coming to FX in March. In the clip Robin was doing her news and read about the new show and played some audio clips of Howard and Tim Stack talking about the new show.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how small the budget was on the show. He said they just went with the cheese factor when they'd do special effects. Tim said that Howard knew to get hot chicks and he was right. He said it was amazing. He said Howard brought a lot to launching a show. Tim said that the media was all over it.
That led into some news reports about the new show. They had some clips from the show and some interview clips with Howard and the cast.
After that we heard Gary talking about how they didn't really interact with the cast but they were all very supportive of it. Gary said they all watched and supported the show. Robin said they did all of the interviews and got to know the cast from the show. She said she thought it was fun and funny and she got a big kick out of what was going on with the show. She said it was a nice adjunct. She said it gave them a lot of material.
Tim said they loved doing the double entendre stuff on the show. He said that it was tough to push the line. He said they managed to do it. He said one time he played himself and Evil Notch Johnson and one of the lines was ''Two Johnsons? That's hard to swallow...'' Tim said that there were some other stupid lines like that in the show too.
They played another show clip where Howard took a call from a guy who said he had anal during ''Son of the Beach.'' Howard said he was showing Stuttering John some of the upcoming episodes and he was talking about how he had to go home and bang his wife. He was also looking for the Playboy with Jaime in it. The caller said his girl was way into the anal when he gave it to her. Howard said that was amazing.
After that clip we heard another show clip where Howard talked about how Tim Stack has problems getting women. He said they had like 8 bikini girls and they asked one of them to kiss Tim and she said ''no.'' Howard said that Tim is the star of the show and the girl won't kiss him. He said that really deflated his ego. Howard said Tim picked out an Asian chick in a bikini and they asked her to kiss Tim. She agreed but she wanted 100 bucks. Howard asked if he's that vile. Robin said he's not the kissable type. She said that standing next to him isn't getting those girls anything. Robin said that could end their career.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how brilliant Tim and his two writers were. They were doing Osama bin Laden material before the 9/11 attacks. Gilbert Gottfried said he did two episodes of the show and they weren't ashamed of doing anything on there. He said that he played a Rabbi in one episode. He said he found that one fascinating because they had Osama bin Laden's brother in the episode and it was in the time when no one even knew who he was. Gilbert said that if the show was a drama they'd still be studying it. That led into a clip from Son of the Beach where they talked about ''Osama bin LAYden'' which was Osama's brother.
David Arquette also appeared on the show as Johnny Queefer, twice. David said that he knows Tim and the two other writers were brilliant. He said they put FX on the map. He said they were doing comedy to that level and there was nothing like that. He said he hopes that Howard is proud of it because it was really good. They played one of his appearances on the show where he was playing Johnny Queefer.
Adam Carolla and Jason Alexander also did episodes so we heard from them. Adam talked about how he did that guest spot for scale and that's what his childhood dream was. He said that they did have chicks in bikinis and Jason Alexander on the show with him. Jason said that he thinks that the appearance came about when he asked Howard why he didn't ask him to be on the show. He said he thinks that's how the wheels got set in motion. He said that they told him it would only take up about 2 hours of his time so he was in. He said they had a big laugh and it was a very successful episode from what he heard. That led into a clip from that episode.
Howard said they had a bunch of great people in the show. He said that they had Lee Majors and Jason Alexander and even Hank the Dwarf. Doug Goodstein said that Hank became a professional for that shoot. He said that Hank wanted to write his own script too so he had him do that and then send it to Howard.
They played a clip from the show where Hank told Howard he wanted to be in the show. Howard told him to write a script and he'd see what he could do.
We heard from Doug Goodstein again who was talking about what Hank wrote to give himself the best scenes he could. That led into another show clip where Hank came in with his script. Howard didn't get the jokes in it. He told Hank he could come back and do it with the cast. After the clip we heard Howard talking about how they brought in the whole cast to do the read. Here's what I wrote back then:
''Son of the Beach'' Cast Come In. 7/27/00. 7:15am
(Edited) Hank the Dwarf was in this morning with his own ''Son of the Beach'' script. He was a little drunk this morning but he was all cleaned up to impress everyone. A while back he told Howard he was going to write a script and today he got his chance to actually act out a couple of scenes with the stars of the show. The script is mostly about Hank having sex or watching other people have sex on the beach. Hank wants to have Liv Tyler as the woman he and Notch Johnson save in the show. She then falls in love with him and has sex with him on the beach. His girlfriend on the show, BJ Cummings, gets jealous and wants to have sex in front of Hank with Chip Rommel. It all revolved around Hank. Howard eventually ran out of time so we never really found out what the rest of the plot would have been. He had to move on to talk to Kevin Bacon. ''Son of the Beach'' is now on at 10pm instead of 10:30. Check out HankTheDwarf.com for info on his upcoming appearances.
After that clip we heard Tim talking about how Hank wanted to be great in the episode. He didn't drink the whole time he was out there and it was a real problem for him. He said he didn't have a sip the whole week because he wanted to do well. He said Hank was very sweet about not wanting to let Howard down. They played a clip of Hank's appearance in the show.
Doug Goodstein said he told Hank he didn't have to be drunk all the time. He said he tried to help him but he was set in his ways so he was going to do what he wanted to do. That's what he did. They played more of Hank's ''Son of the Beach'' appearance and then we heard from Tim about the part he played in that show and how cold it was the day they shot it. He said they had to bury him in cold sand that day so he felt bad for him. He said he loved working with Hank though.
They played another show clip where Gary talked about how he was going to be shooting a scene for the show. Howard said he might come down to supervise him. Gary didn't want that. He said he'd prefer it if he didn't come down. Howard said Gary is in the Hank episode. Gary said that episode is crazy because they have Larry Flynt in it too. Howard talked about Joan Van Ark coming on the show playing Ima Cummings. They also had Mark Hammil coming back to the show playing The Divine Rod. They had Neil Patrick Harris coming on too. He said he gets to make out with Jaime Bergman the whole episode too. Howard said it looks like there's some chemistry there too. He said that they held the kiss a long time and he saw the dailies and they look like they're enjoying it. Howard asked Gary if he's kissing any girls. Gary said he's not.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about the scene he did where he was running down the beach yelling ''Baba Booey'' but Howard didn't get the joke. They played Gary's appearance on the show where he was trying out to be a lifeguard and he has to swim out to a buoy. A ''Baba Buoy.''
Don Buchwald said that they did the show for 3 seasons and they had fun doing it. Tim Stack said that they literally blew up the cast at the end of the series. He said they knew they were getting dumped and they just wanted to blow it all up.
Howard said the show was taking up a lot of his time and he had started therapy around that time. He didn't like being that busy all the time. He said he puts his heart into things that he gets involved with and he wasn't all that happy doing so much work. He was on the phone every day with this stuff and he was constantly working on the productions. He said he wasn't happy so his psychiatrist told him he had to say no to some things. Howard said he told Don that they had to shut down the production company. Howard said he was done and that was it. He said he was still involved with the Porky's thing but that was it. He said you have to pick and choose what you want to do and still stay happy. They went to break after that.
Picking A Song For The Losers To Perform With Barry Williams. 9/17/99. 9:00am
In about two weeks the guy who played Greg Brady on ''The Brady Bunch'', Barry Williams, will be coming in to promote his new album ''The Return of Johnny Bravo.'' Howard wants his band The Losers to perform a song with Barry so they played a couple of clips from the album to pick one out. Barry does a bunch of cover songs of hits from the 60's, 70's and 80's so Howard had a few choices. They narrowed it down to Queen's ''We Are The Champions'' or DeBarge's ''Rhythm of the Night.'' Howard thinks that the Queen song would be the best one to do but they're keeping ''Rhythm of the Night'' as an alternate. It sounds funny with steel drums and all. Howard said they'll do a rehearsal sometime next week. Get your earplug's ready!
After that we heard Gary talking about how Howard had played the steel drums the day they performed with Barry. They went into that show clip next. Here's what I wrote:
Barry Williams Comes In To Perform With The Losers. 09/23/1999. 8:20am
Howard eventually got around to doing the song but he had some extra stuff going on. Dan the Farter came in to blast some nasty farts during the song and Ramone the gay guy came in to be a go-go dancer during the song. They all got into place and they started off the song ''Rhythm of the Night.'' Howard was playing steel drums, badly, and Gary came in with his awful trumpet playing at a couple of points. Dan the Farter was blasting away and we later found out that he crapped on the floor! He was trying just a little too hard. Barry was a good sport about all of this. He sang right through the song and didn't even seem to mind the crap on the floor. Jackie was gagging in the background after seeing the crap on the floor.
Barry managed to get a plug in for BarryWilliams.com while they were talking about the mess. He told Howard he had a great time though.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how they had a lot of celebrity bands out there and Howard thought that he was better than any of them. Gary said Howard thought that they could challenge the other celebrity bands and beat them. Scott the Engineer talked about some of the bands they battled and how they won every time. Tina Yothers was one of them. Gary said that she wanted to be on the show and they had turned her down a few times. He said they got some judges to come in and judge them. That led into a show clip where Howard talked about having Tina on the show. Here's what I wrote that day:
Battle Of The Bands Coming Soon. 5/22/00. 8:00am
Howard recently put out a challenge to any celebrity band who wants to play against his band ''The Losers'' in a ''Battle of the Bands'' type of thing. He'd mentioned a couple of bands like Russell Crowe's band or Keanu Reeves' band Dog Star. This morning Howard said that he's received word from Tina Yothers' (Family Ties) band that they're willing to compete. Howard said he thinks they also heard from someone in Russell Crowe's band and they may come in to compete. Gary said he's going to contact Keanu Reeves' band also because they're supposed to be touring now and they'll be around the area in July.
After that clip we heard Fred talking about the battles and how these bands were playing against ''The Losers'' and they were still not bringing it. Howard said that the bands would come in and lose and it basically said that they really just suck worse than The Losers suck. That led into another show clip where Howard and The Losers were performing their song that went up against Tina's band. They performed ''Court of the Crimson King.'' Here's some of what I wrote that day:
Battle Of The Bands: The Losers vs Jaded. 6/20/00. 8:35am
(Edited) The Losers performed their song and it was the best one yet but that's not saying much. Howard then had Jaded perform before getting the judges thoughts on the song. Jaded performed their song and sounded pretty good musically. Tina had a pleasant sounding voice and the band wasn't bad but.. To everyone's amazement, all three judges said that if they had to pick one of the bands to sign to their label they'd have to go with The Losers! Michael said that the musicianship of Jaded was better than The Losers but The Losers would have a more commercial sound. Craig said basically the same thing. He said that Jaded wasn't bad and Tina was a good singer and the song was ''okay'' but he'd have to pick The Losers as long as they drop Jackie. That was a done deal as soon as Howard heard that. He kicked Jackie out of the band. Finally David told Howard that it was a difficult decision but he'd have to go with The Losers. He also agreed that Jackie had to go though. David also said that there are too many bands like Jaded out there and The Losers would be a better pick.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how serious these bands took it and how Tina was really devastated after that show. Gary said that they really didn't care of they won or lost but the other bands did. Fred said that the Losers weren't to be taken seriously. He said that Tina might have been the most angry. In their minds they thought they had really won. Fred said that he doesn't think that Tina chose to show that side of her but outside she did. She was cursing them upside and down.
That led into some E! show audio where Tina and the band said those judges didn't know what they were talking about. She thought they did awesome. Mike Gange asked what they thought of Howard's song and they didn't like it. Tina said they sucked.
Jackie said that they were horrible and he doesn't even remember those battles. Scott DePace said that Jackie ruined the songs and Scott the Engineer got kicked out of the band eventually. Scott the Engineer said he was fine in the band and he's not sure why they kicked him out. He said Howard thought he couldn't cut it. DePace said that every once in a while the band would sound alright but Howard's vocals weren't his thing.
They played some of Howard talking about some songs he could do for another battle of the bands. He was singing ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' and he told Jackie that he could be in the band for that one.
After that we heard Rob Zombie talking about how Howard should do more of those performances. Leslie West said that some of those performances were better than the bands they were playing against. He said Howard doesn't sing that badly but he doesn't have much musical talent. Benjy Bronk said that they took it seriously and did a good job. He said they had everything in the band.
Jim Forbes said that the next band was Tim Russ' band. Fred said that he may have gone to the transporter one too many times. Fred said that he wasn't a singer. That led into the next battle of the bands where The Losers took on Tim Russ' band. Here's some of what I wrote that day:
Battle Of The Bands: The Losers vs Tuvok (Tim Russ). 8/18/00. 8:20am
(Edited) The Losers performed their unusual version of Donovan's ''Hurdy Gurdy Man''. They sounded about as good as they could possibly sound. Fred's guitar playing was better than you'd think and they didn't seem to have any problems. Howard was happy with the way it went off also. He took another break so that Tim's band could set up their equipment.
When they came back Howard took a couple of phone calls who said that Howard sounded surprisingly good. Howard then let Tim Russ and his supporting band, Neal Norman & His Cosmic Orchestra, perform ''Money Talks''.
It didn't sound too bad but Howard let the judges be the judge of that. Howard told them to judge this like they had to sign one of these two bands to their label (or play a video on MTV). Jason was the first one to tell Tim and the Cosmic Orchestra that he had to pick The Losers. He said that the Cosmic Orchestra made The Losers look young. He said that the Cosmic Orchestra looks like they could have been a ''..wedding band in the Truman era.'' Howard said that they should change their name to ''The Viagras''. Steve was up next. He complimented The Losers choice of outfits. He said that the Cosmic Orchestra had ''crazy outfits'' and said that they had a Liberace feel. He also picked The Losers as the winners. Finally, Tom Calderon from MTV went. He said that Tim's band sounded ''tight'' but the outfits were tough. He said that he had to go with The Losers mainly because of Fred's guitar playing. He said that it was amazing and it fits in with ''today's sound''. Tim thought that this was all rigged but Howard swears that it's not. He told Tim that Tina Yothers just called and wants to join him on the ledge. Tim wasn't affected by this judging though. He told Howard that he wants to have a rematch on the west coast with his own judges. Howard told him ''any time!''
After that clip we heard Benjy talking about how he wanted to be part of The Losers. He said it felt special. Jim Forbes said that they continued to battle against other people like Corey Feldman and Doug Flutie. Fred said that Doug lost that day and he should get over it. Scott the Engineer said that the judges knew what they were talking about and they won every time. Howard said they started to take it too seriously so they had to end it. That led into a clip of Howard and The Losers performing against the Flutie Brothers. Here's some of what I wrote that day:
Battle Of The Bands: The Losers vs. The Flutie Brothers. 1/18/01. 8:45am
Howard had Scores girls dance while he and The Losers performed their version of ''Bang a Gong'' for everyone. They weren't all that bad and Howard was psyched to beat The Flutie Brothers today. Howard took some phone calls and most of them were very positive. People were saying that The Losers have gotten really good and Flutie has a lot to worry about. Gary even told Howard that they have an amazing ability to suck just minutes before playing and then they pull it off. The Flutie Brothers needed time to set up so Howard took a break before continuing.
After the break Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Doug before they performed. Doug gave his prediction for the Super Bowl too. He said it'll be Giants 17-10.
The Flutie Brothers then performed a song called ''Roller'' by April Wine. Howard gave them the use of the Scores dancers to make things fair. The Flutie Brothers sounded pretty decent but the song wasn't the best one to pick. The Judges seemed to agree. Chris Schwartz said that based on presentation he'd have to go with The Losers even though The Flutie Brothers were technically better. He said if he wanted to sell records, he'd have to go with The Losers. The Fluties were pissed and said that this was a setup. Howard then let John Tita give his evaluation. John said that The Fluties' vocals and guitar were great but, once again, The Losers had a better presentation so they got his vote. Last up was Michael Caplan. He also went with The Losers even though the Fluties played better. He said that Howard has ''it'' with his charismatic personality and that's what would sell records.
The Flutie Brothers were upset over the loss but Howard insists that this wasn't a setup. He then let the record company guys plug their stuff and let Doug plug his web sites FlutieBrothers.com and DougFlutie.org which will bring you to the band web site and the autism organization that Flutie has.
After that segment they went to break.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how funny it must be to hear them drunk. He said that they were taping the show at night too. He said that it wouldn't feel organic doing it in the morning. That led into another show clip where Howard said Ralph suggested they do a pajama party. After that we heard Tom Chiusano talking about how tough it was to get that on the air. He said that it's a big no-no to drink on the air like that. Here's some of what I wrote around that time:
Howard's MTV Video Music Awards Plan. 7/27/00. 8:35am
Howard let us in on what his plans are for when they do their broadcast from the MTV Video Music Awards in September. He says that he has 3 things planned. First of all they will interview all of the ''idiot rock stars'' that come by their booth.
Second, everyone on the show will be drinking and getting drunk during the show. He wants to do it then because the show will be taped at night for airing the next morning. He's been wanting to do a ''drinking show'' for a while now. He said he didn't want to get drunk in the morning and this will be the best time to do the drinking show. He wants to get some Margaritas from this Citrus bar that he's a big fan of. Robin said that she's only going to have a couple of drinks and she won't be getting smashed. Howard said she's probably worried about getting drunk and making out with Jackie or something. He said she'd probably wake up the next morning and her ass would hurt.
Finally, Howard is going to hold his own music awards for song parodies that people send in about each of the cast. You can start writing the song parodies now and send them in when you're done. You can find the address for the show on my Phone Book page.
After that segment we heard people like Doug Goodstein and Mike Gange who were back stage seeing what was doing on that night. Scott DePace said he got to see everyone drinking but he was stuck in the TV truck. Richie Wilson said they also got to wear pajamas to work. He said that everyone working in TV wasn't allowed to drink at first. Howard said he wanted them to so they started drinking. He said he was a mess that night because he got so drunk. Brian Phelan said he was getting heat over the drinking show and Howard said they could drink so he started to drink his ass off.
Robin said she decided to drink Long Island Iced Teas and that was crazy. She said they go down really easy and it's a lot of different drinks mixed in one. She said she was looped by the end of it. Robin said Howard was drunk, Gary was drunk, Fred was drunk... everyone was drunk. Robin said she said something to Kate Hudson that was really insulting and she couldn't stop herself. They played some of that audio. Here's an excerpt from my archives:
Backstage At The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/8/00. 8-9am
Gary told Howard that they had some Kate Hudson came in right after Pastore left. Howard was thrilled to have her on the show. Her mother is Goldie Hawn and Howard kept bringing that fact up. He said that she looked great. He said that now that she's becoming famous her mother must get jealous. Kate thought that was kind of rude and said her mother isn't like that. Howard also brought up the fact that she's dating Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes. Howard asked what it was like when she introduced him to her mother. Howard said when he saw the two of them together it looked like a kidnapping because they were such an odd couple. Kate asked Howard if he's looked in a mirror lately. Howard said that really hurt. Kate said that her mother was really happy with Chris and it wasn't a problem at all. Jackie joked that Goldie probably changed the locks after meeting him. He gave her a big ring and she says she may marry him some day but not any time soon. Stuttering John came in and told Howard that he plays softball with Kate and she's a really great person. He'd just come out of the bathroom where he was laughing hysterically while taking a dump. Howard told Kate to get away from him but she didn't bother. She actually kissed him on her way out.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how much they were drinking. They had a breathalyzer there that was spitting out random numbers. He said they just knew they were drunk. Ralph said he didn't remember much about that show because he was so drunk. Brian Phelan said that there was a waitress from Scores who was falling on the floor drunk. Fred didn't remember much about it because he was drunk too.
Fred said he thinks that John was out of control that day too. He said it might be a stuttering relaxant and a truth serum. KC Armstrong said that John was out of control and Robin was very giddy. He said Howard was all over the place too. He said his hair was all fucked up. Gary and Ronnie also talked about what a mess everyone was that day.
Jim Forbes said that Robin was such a mess she had trouble filtering her thoughts. Robin said Ross Zapin was there and she always hears stories about what she said. Robin said that a friend of her's had a crush on Ross but she could never recommend that she date him. Robin said Ross came in and said just said to him that she doesn't like him. Ross said Howard asked her why that was and Robin said it was because he sleeps with whores. Robin wasn't thinking about what she was saying. Ross said he had a girlfriend at the time so he was thrown. Robin said he had some problems in his personal life because of that. Ross said he almost didn't invite Robin to his wedding because of those comments. Ross said he'd like to go to more of those kind of shows as long as they don't abuse him. That led into the audio of that moment. Here's what I wrote:
Backstage At The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/8/00. 9-10am
Howard's buddy Ross Zapin showed up so Howard spent a minute with him. Robin said that Ross sleeps with a lot of whores.. for no obvious reason. The band Papa Roach was there and Howard was going to pass on them until Gary told him that the lead singer blew a .20 on the breathalyzer. Howard tried to talk to the guy but he was so drunk that he wasn't making much sense. Howard kept asking him what it was like to be a big rock star and the guy just slurred his words and said that everything is all good. He told Howard that his cameraman is more drunk than he is.
After that clip we heard about Brian Phelan becoming famous that night. Brian was going around with the ''drunk cam'' and he told Scott DePace that he had to put his camera down. Richie Wilson said he couldn't even hold the camera by the end of the night. He had about 30 beers by the end of the night according to Mike Gange. Brian said that he was wasted by the end of the night. That led to more audio from the show where Howard talked to Brian about how drunk he was.
After that clip we heard KC talking about how afraid the publicists already are before they go on the show. That drunk show didn't help but they had a great time anyway. Brian Phelan said that he had a great time doing shots with the guests.
Gary said they were all drunk and they had Jakob Dylan on the show. He said that he doesn't want to hear about his father when he's being interviewed but that's what came up because they were drunk. We heard from Jakob who talked about that night too. Some of the guys said that he obviously walked off of that show insulted and upset. Here's what I wrote that day:
Backstage At The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/8/00. 9-10am
Howard took a break and came back with Jakob Dylan. Once again he tried to do an interview and failed miserably at it. Howard was so drunk that when he was talking about Kate Hudson with Jakob, he called her the ''son of Goldie Hawn..'' and didn't even realize it. He was interviewing so poorly that someone suggested that they let Jakob do the interviewing. Jakob was getting annoyed with the whole situation and only asked Howard about drinking. Howard apologized for the whole thing and told him that they really enjoy his music. Jakob told Howard that he goes where the love is and that's why he blew off all of the other shows to do his. Jackie was doing his Bob Dylan impression and Benjy started to sing a Dylan song that was in poor taste. Howard called Benjy an asshole and told him to get out. Howard apologized once again and told Jakob to come on the show when everyone's not drunk. He said he'd be more than happy to do that.
After he left Gary said that John had spilled a beer on Jakob's jacket. They may never hear from the guy again. Howard said that he knew Jakob was getting annoyed with the whole thing and it was obvious.
During that clip we heard Gary talking about how brilliant Benjy is. Benjy stopped the show to ask Jakob that question he asked. They got back to that part of the interview. Gary said that Jakob had such an annoyed look on his face after that. Jackie said that he should have gotten a purple heart for going through that interview. Gary said that Stuttering John ended up spilling his beer on Jakob because he was so drunk.
Jakob said he thought that interview was noting but entertaining. He said he heard that they apologized to him but he enjoyed it. They played the final couple of minutes of the interview segment after that.
After that we heard Mike Gange talking about the amount of alcohol they drank. He said they were all wearing pajamas and negligee and things like that. Gary said they have a picture of them all with their pajamas on. He said he heard Robin went home and threw up. He said he had a tally of what everyone drank. They were taking breathalyzer tests too. That led into another clip where they were taking the breathalyzer tests. Here's what I wrote:
Backstage At The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/8/00. 10-11am
Howard took one last break and came back to let people plug stuff and take one last breathalyzer test. Robin blew a .14, Howard blew a .091 and Gary blew a .126. Brian from E! came over and blew a .145 while Fred blew a .111.
Gary told Howard that he had to apologize to all of the guests as they left because the whole show was so uncomfortable.
Howard let the breathalyzer guy plug his web site BACSys.com and said that Citrus is on 75th and Amsterdam in New York City.
Robin just about puked while Howard was wrapping things up. Benjy went over to her for some reason and ended up puking on her. Jackie went over and stuck his tongue in Robin's ear.
After that segment we heard Mike Gange talking about how Benjy threw up on Robin at the end of the night. Richie Wilson said that DePace got the shot just as he was throwing up. He said it was unbelievably funny. Robin said that it was right before the show was over and she felt something wet on her arm. She didn't know why he was even there. Benjy said he doesn't think he threw up on her. He said he felt nauseous and he threw up in a garbage can. He said maybe some of it came out of the can and hit her. He didn't throw up on her intentionally. Benjy said that would be obnoxious. Richie said that Benjy is a genius and he knew what he was doing.
After that we heard Richie Wilson talking about how they had to break everything down and bring it back to the office. It took about 6 hours to do that. They all had to go home in pajamas too. Mike Gange said that was very odd. Brian said he went to an after party and he was in his pajamas. He said they were all asking who this guy was. Brian said that it was a good show and he got paid to get drunk and work. Howard said he lost control of that show. They went to break after that.
Dave Navarro talked about how this show gets people to do that kind of shit. They want to do it, they're not being forced into it. Dave said as long as there are crazy people out there the show will have guests like that. Scott DePace talked about some of the more unusual things that they've asked people to do on the show. Kathy Griffin talked about some of the things she's heard on the show and how she would never do that.
Doug Goodstein talked about this one girl they had in who got baloney thrown at her ass after having mayonnaise smeared on her ass. Jackie Martling talked about that moment too. He said that was one of the funniest moments when they did that. He remembers how it stuck to her right in the crevice of her ass crack like it was pasted there. He said he and Howard went to their knees laughing. That led into the show clip where they did that baloney toss. Here's my write up from that day:
Howard's Sex Slave. 4/27/99. 8:25am
This woman, Solitaire, called in recently and offered to be Howard's sex slave. She came in this morning and the first thing Howard noticed was that she was mulatto. They asked her if it was her mother or father who was black. She wasn't sure at first. That led to the discovery that Solitaire was adopted when she was young. Then they found out that the adoption was illegal so she's now ''not adopted anymore.'' Solitaire said she just met her real mother recently. She also claimed that she was abused when she was with the adoptive family. The reason she came in today was to try and get breast implants. She showed Howard her breasts and they looked pretty bad. She was also a little overweight. Howard got Dr. Calabro on the phone to find out if he'd be willing to donate the implants. Dr. Calabro said it was up to Howard so he decided to give them to her. Howard was planning on smearing mayonnaise on Solitaire's ass and tossing boloney on it but he started having second thoughts. After taking a commercial break he asked Solitaire if she was up for it, she was. Howard went on to smear a jar of Hellman's mayonnaise all over her ass. He said her bathing suit was the size of a tablecloth because her ass was so big. He spent a couple of minutes smearing then he and Jackie started tossing the food. Jackie went first and got a piece of boloney right in the middle of Solitaire's ass. Howard was laughing his ass off. Then he tossed a piece and it stuck right in the mayo. The also threw some cheese and bread to make a nice big ass sandwich. Howard wrapped up the segment right after they tossed the food. He told Solitaire to get her implants and get some fat sucked out then come back to show off her new look.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how people always talk about how degrading it is to have girls on the show doing this stuff. He said they're not going out and hitting women on the head to get them up there. The women all want to come up there. Gary said he doesn't have any regrets about what they do on the show. He said they're all coming in there voluntarily.
Howard said that this is all about finding out what people are willing to do... within reason. Richie Wilson said that they have people come in there and they're willing to do just about anything. He said that opens up the flood gates for ideas. Howard said they got to roll a girl up in a carpet once. Benjy said they had two girls making out with Beetlejuice once too. Richie said they had a woman who got smacked on the ass with a fish until the head exploded. Jackie took that fish home to eat.
Doug Goodstein said that he doesn't know what some of these women are thinking. He said that they just throw their humility away at the door. Richie said that he wants a Harley but he doesn't want to do anything that crazy for it. That led into another show clip where this woman came in to be beaten with a fish. Here's my write up from that day:
Karen Gets Beaten With A Fish. 07/23/1998. 7:20am
Howard had this woman Karen come in to get beaten with a fish. She called in recently and Howard told her she had to get beaten with a fish. She came in and said that she really didn't want to do that, she wanted to do some phone sex stuff with him because she's a phone sex operator. Howard told her that he makes the rules, not her. She warned them that she was on the rag today. Howard didn't care and said he's still going to beat her with the fish.
Karen said she had to go change into a tampon because she was wearing a pad today. She wanted to see Howard's eyes behind his sunglasses but he told her that he makes the rules. A few seconds later he took them off to show her his eyes. Karen said that she wants to be an actress or a singer but Howard didn't want to hear it. He told her that she had to go get changed so he could do the fish beating thing. Gary said he didn't know she needed to change, otherwise he would have had her do it earlier.
Howard asked Karen about how many kids she's got and found out she's got four. Gary said when KC calls her it sounds like complete bedlam there. Karen went on to talk about some of the problems she has with her body and with her kids but no one wanted to hear that. Howard said this wasn't ''Queen for a Day'' and he was still going to beat her with the fish. They talked about her problems with being bi-polar and about the drugs she's on to keep her stable. Karen said that she's had a lot of problems in her life and no one believes it. She had problems with her eye sight and had operations to fix that.
Gary said that before she got there he thought she was going to be a hot chick getting beaten with a fish but now it's not as much fun as he thought it was going to be. Howard asked her about the phone sex job she has and asked her how much she makes. She said it's about $400 a week. Howard said her voice isn't even that good. She said that's because she'd just getting over bronchitis. Howard couldn't believe how many things she had wrong with her. She kept cursing too so Howard told her she's got to stop with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him to just slap this bitch with a fish already. He thought that she was lying about some of this stuff. Karen said she wasn't but Howard told her that she might be one of the most annoying women in the world. He told her to go fix her tampon and get back in there so he can beat her with the fish.
Gary said that there was no garbage pail in the room she was in so they had to drag her out to another bathroom. Gary was going to take her out but he did see that she was okay. Howard said she was in his bathroom and she probably has crabs big enough to steal the soap out of there. He said he's going to beat her with that fish and beat the bi-polar right out of her kid.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that this whole thing is ridiculous. She said that a 4 year old is bi-polar and there is something else wrong with the child. Howard said the woman is probably such a mess that she screwed the kid up somehow. Howard wanted to know where Karen was. She still hadn't come out of the bathroom. She came out a short time later and said that she's brought her daughter to a few specialists and they all suggested that she could be bi-polar. Karen gave out the names of the doctors who helped her and said she actually took her daughter off the medications that they had prescribed for her.
Howard took another call from a woman who asked if Karen could be an actress. Howard said that she's not a bad looking woman. The caller said that no one has ever made it by getting beaten with a fish. Howard asked Karen to lift up her dress so he could see her ass. She had a big caboose according to Howard. He told the guys to get out the biggest fish for him. Howard said it was time for that beating so he headed over to where she was to do that.
Karen was going to be singing during the beating to prove she can sing. She was going to sing some ''Hotel California'' for them. Howard said he was in the remote area and showed Karen the fish he was going to beat her with. Howard told her to show him her ass so he could do this whole thing. He wanted to see her big ass. She was having some trouble getting into position and Howard said that maybe she needed a bath. He claimed he was talking about the fish but Karen started to walk out. She was going to leave but Gary tried to convince her to come back and finish the whole thing.
Karen said she didn't want to be humiliated on TV. Howard told her it wasn't humiliation, he was going to beat her with a fish while she sang, what's humiliating about that? They eventually convinced her to stay. Jackie went over to help Howard out with his microphone while he beat her. Howard started to slap her with the fish a short time later. The slapping sound came over clearly as Karen tried singing Hotel California. The fish head got all bloody so Howard switched to the flounder.
Howard told Karen to keep singing and tried to hit her with the flounder. Jackie was gagging and the guts of the fish were dripping down Karen's leg. Howard tried hitting her with the third fish but that didn't last too long. He told her to show Robin her butt which was covered in fish entrails. Howard said that was disgusting and he had never done something like that before.
Karen was embarrassed by the whole thing. Howard told her she had nothing to be embarrassed by. Karen said she couldn't believe she did that. Howard told her to forget the bobbing for tampons thing. He wasn't even going to go there. Howard told her she deserved to sing a song for them after going through that. His hand was hurting after going through that. Robin said it was disgusting when the guts started coming out all over her.
Howard told Karen to sing a little bit for them so they could hear how she could sing. She didn't know what to sing so Howard gave her a break and took some phone calls. One woman called in and said that she thought about letting Howard beat her with some stuff if they wanted. She thinks that she's a little more stable than Karen was. Howard thought she sounded a little older. The woman said she was only 35. Howard told her to come in then.
Howard got back to Karen and told her to go ahead and sing. She tried the ''Hotel California'' thing again. She didn't have any music to back her up. She sang the song and Howard gave her some advice about the way she was singing. He wanted to beat her with the fish again after hearing her sing for a short time. He said he should have hit her with a whale after that. Howard wrapped up with Karen a short time later and went to commercial break.
After that clip we heard Mr. Skin talking about how Howard is able to get normal, everyday women, to come in and take their clothes off. He said that's such a neat thing. He said it's really cool that Howard is able to do that.
Scott DePace talked about how they've had women in there who let them feel them up and that's great too. Doug talked about some of the girls who have let them do weird things to them. He said that Erica the Gymnast came in and wore a sign saying that she was a dummy while she walked down the street. He said it's the power of the breast. That led into a clip where Erica the Gymnast returned to the show to get implants. Here's what I wrote back then:
Erica Returns For Implants. 2/7/00. 9:25am
This 21 year old ex-gymnast came in a couple of weeks ago to try to get breast implants. At the time they had to reschedule her for the next week because they ran out of time. She ended up canceling twice because of a snow storm and Howard was just about ready to give up on her but she started to cry. Howard then decided to give her another chance but she had to go out on the street with tampons up her nose while wearing a sign that read ''I'm too stupid to find my way to New York''. That was just to get back in the studio. Then, to win the implants, she'd have to play ''Who Wants to be a Turkish Millionaire.'' And because her body is so small and tight already Howard is limiting the size to a B-cup because he won't allow her to ruin her body. Howard had Gary prepare her with the tampons in her nose. KC came in and pointed out that she has a mole near her lip that should be removed also. Howard was okay with it at first but as he thought about it he decided that it really should go. Dr. Sal Calabro called in and said it could be removed easily. In the meantime it was suggested that they hang a tampon from the mole. KC laughed as Gary taped one to the mole. When she was ready Howard sent her down to the street.
While Erica was on her way down Howard took a phone call from a guy by the name of Howard Stern. This guy told Howard a quick story of mistaken identity. He was at some hotel out in phoenix and he got a message from Anna Nicole Smith. She asked this Howard Stern why he was so mean to her when she was on the show. Of course this guy wasn't the right Howard Stern.
After that meaningless call Erica was finally down on the street. Howard spent a minute talking about this girl Jessica Beal who's on the cover of Gear magazine. He said she's really hot and was surprised when he heard that she did the shoot to try and get fired from the TV show she's on called ''Seventh Heaven''.
Erica finally made it to the street so she walked around for a couple of minutes while KC asked some guys how she looked. Howard got tired of that pretty quick so he had KC bring her back up to the studio.
After that clip we heard Doug Goodstein talking about how you have to fulfill these women's dreams. He said that they say they'll do anything and they're willing to help them out. Doug said that the girls will suggest things to them and they'll fulfill their wishes. Richie Wilson talked about how they rolled one girl up in a carpet and then put her in a trash can and rolled her up and down the street. Jackie said that he and Fred had written that joke for years about rolling them up in a carpet and the answer was always ''no!'' Richie said that the girls come to them for this. Doug said that he likes to fulfill dreams just like the rest of the guys. That led into that segment where Howard rolled the girl up in the carpet. Here's what I wrote back then:
Michelle Wants Implants. 2/4/00. 7:55am
This woman Michelle came in this morning to try and get breast implants. She was supposed to do something really wacky to get them. She'd called in a while back and Howard told her she'd have to get naked, get rolled up in a carpet, put on a hat that says ''I'm an idiot'' and get put in a garbage can then get pushed around the streets of New York. She also had to get a hat from a pedestrian. She agreed and showed up this morning. When she came in Howard said she's pretty cute. She says she wants to become a stripper and needs the implants. Howard asked to see her chest and when she revealed her B-cup breasts Howard told her she was nuts to want implants. He said they were perfect and he refused to give her implants. Even KC said that she shouldn't mess with them. Gary also agreed and said he forbid Howard from giving her the implants. It soon came out that she was institutionalized for a while and was diagnosed as being bipolar. So she's a little crazy, Howard likes that.
Howard soon saw that Michelle needed some liposuction but she didn't want to play for that. It took some time but she finally agreed to play for $3000 instead of a bunch of other prizes she was offered. Howard quickly had her get naked and rolled her up in a carpet. Howard took a break while they put her in the can and put her out on the street. When he came back from the break they went right to Michelle on the street. All she had to do was get a hat from a passer-by and it happened within 3 seconds. That was it. All the build up for 3 seconds of embarrassment.
After that clip they wrapped up and ended today's History of Howard Stern. It ended around 11:50am.
After that clip we heard Jim Forbes talking about how Howard never knew how much his station was going to censor him. Andre Gardner took over the button when Tom Chiusano took a leave of absence. Gary said that Andre was a great guy except when he was on that button. He said that it was very tough for Howard to deal with and Andre had to take a lot of shit for what he was doing. He said he took his job very seriously and he was very steadfast about what he was doing.
That led into a show clip where Howard was talking to the guys about showing their wieners at the gym. Howard said that Stuttering John does that all the time. Gary said he went to the gym and saw a guy they both know who was butt naked. Howard asked how he looked. Gary said it was just weird seeing a guy he knew standing there naked. Howard told him to write it down or just say who it was.
Jackie said that some of the guys are putting on weight so maybe they could have one guy carry the other around the block. They were trying to come up with some kind of bet. Howard said that the guy Gary was talking about was a guy who did some artwork for him. Gary said that guy is suffering from the same thing Jackie is. He's grey down there. Howard said he would just shave it off. KC came up with some ideas for this bet and told them about peeing on another guy's hand. Howard told KC he's gay. KC said he's not gay, that's funny. Howard said he can't do that because he wouldn't be in either position. KC told him he'd be turned around and wouldn't see anything. Howard said your mind doesn't go there unless you're gay. KC said he's not gay and he doesn't get off on that. Howard said he has to be a touch of gay. KC said he isn't gay. They went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes. Howard said that he was getting phone calls about them getting bleeped about the pee discussions. Howard told Andre that they're allowed to talk about pee. He said that he's going to go urinate on Andre. KC laughed at that. Howard said he's going to get out of there so bleep him all they want. He said they're a bunch of retards there.
Howard said he can't even figure out how to be more simplistic with that kind of stuff. That's not a sexual reference. Howard said KC just suggested that someone go to the bathroom on someone. Go number 1 on someone's hand. Howard said that's so silly to have to talk like that. Howard said he's pretty sure kids know what number 1 is. Gary said even saying making a pee-pee is wrong. Howard said maybe wee-wee is okay. Gary said that's not okay either. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Richard Belzer said the F-word on The View the day before. He said they didn't bleep that. Howard said that's because it's 4 fat yentas talking and not Howard Stern. He said they just go after Howard Stern. Howard said this guy Andre is killing him back there.
After that clip we heard Benjy Bronk talking about how Andre got a lot of shit that he shouldn't have. He said he was just doing his job. Benjy said he became an evil villain of the show that he didn't deserve. Tom Chiusano said the show happened on the fly so if they did a bit that they didn't agree with then they had to stop it. He said that Gary would tell Howard and Howard would either stop or argue over it. He said that it was better to end it than continue it. He said they did accommodate Howard on some stuff but not everything.
They played another show clip where Robin talked about ''Queer as Folk'' and how graphic the show is. Robin said it was almost like a porno. Robin told Howard just how graphic it was and gave him details. Howard said he doesn't think he could watch that. Fred was playing sound effects while Robin gave Howard the details of the sex scenes they have in the show. She said they did it in every position imaginable. Howard said he was going to get a tape from Mel with the shows on it. Gary said he put it in his bag. Howard said he didn't see it. Then Howard took a call from a guy who said that they dumped out of him during the discussion about the sex positions. Howard let out a sigh and asked Gary to find out why he dumped out of that. Gary told Howard that they did that because they were very descriptive about the positions. Howard said they weren't being descriptive. Gary said they were dumping out of the term ''anal sex.'' Howard said they couldn't keep it any more vague. Howard said he wanted out of there. He said he has to get out. Gary said they only had 10 more days until they were out. Howard said he wants Andre out of work. Howard said he was leaving in 10 days and played a phony promo saying he was leaving.
Jim said Howard didn't bail yet. He had an offer from a new media company. Howard talked about his meeting with XM radio around that time. Howard said he remembers meeting down in Virginia where they had a big complex. He said he was fascinated but it wasn't time yet. He said they didn't even have one radio sold yet. He said he saw the prototype but they weren't ready for it yet. Howard said he figured they were about 5 years away from being ready for him. He kind of put it on hold. 5 years later he thought about it more seriously. Howard said he doesn't even know what it will look like in the future with radio. Howard said it's not a medium where you can just sit back. You have a real battle for the future of radio. He said he can't stand the stupid radio guys who complain about satellite. He said it's more work for them.
Jim said that Howard held a press conference a few days later in 2000. They played some audio from that day. Here's what I had in my archives:
The Big Press Conference. 12/15/00. 7:50am
Howard held a press conference to announce whether or not he'd re-sign with Infinity Broadcasting. In attendance were Penny Crone from Fox 5 in New York, ABC news, Extra, Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight and many other people from the press. Howard also had the big man Mel Karmazin by his side in the studio. Howard joked around a little bit saying that he was going to hold off telling everyone until tomorrow. He then said that 5 years ago he signed with Infinity broadcasting which became CBS/Infinity and then Viacom/CBS/Infinity.. and now he's not sure he's working for. He said that he's proud to have worked for them and that he will be working for them for another 5 years. Yes, he has signed a new contract that will keep him around for 5 more years. Howard said that the truth is that until 4:41pm yesterday there was no contract. At 4:42pm he signed the contract. He continued to say that he has a 5 year plan for the show and he's looking forward to it. He thinks there's a lot left for him to do on radio.
Penny Crone started hounding Howard right away. She kept asking him over and over again to give them a ballpark figure on what he's going to get paid. Howard told her over and over again that he doesn't talk about that stuff and he never will. She kept it up though.
Howard introduced Mel and said ''Next to God, Mel is the most important man..'' Mel plugged the movie ''What Women Want'' which is coming out this weekend. It's a Paramount picture and that's part of the huge corporation so he plugged it. When that was out of the way he said joked around about the negotiation process with Howard. He basically said that he knew Howard would re-sign, he just had to convince Howard. He said that the first 6 or 7 meetings were about where they were going to meet, Scores or The Harvard Club. Then it turned to money. He said that Howard wanted the 'S' in CBS to stand for 'Stern'. Mel also said that Howard entertains 20 million people every morning for free and that's what he wanted to pay him.. nothing. So that's what took so long. Howard doesn't get the 'S' in CBS but the company gets to keep him.
Howard took a bunch of questions from the various reporters in the room. They asked him about his 5 year plan, which he didn't give many details on. He just said that there are many types of media he can use to share stuff with his fans (web site finally coming?). He also said that he loves the company and he's ready to do the next 5 years.
Someone asked Howard if he thinks the dynamic has changed on the show since he and his wife split. Howard said he's heard that it's changed for the better.
Howard says that he knew he was born to do radio from the time he was 5 years old so he's going to stick with it.
One reporter said that a poll taken says that people think this was one big publicity stunt. Howard swore on the life of his kids that it really wasn't a publicity stunt. He said he'd never do that to his audience. Mel chimed in and said that it wasn't a publicity stunt but he knew that Howard would sign. It was just a matter of working things out and that really did take until 4:42 yesterday.
New Jersey Governor Christine Whitman called in at one point to congratulate Howard on his new contract. She said that she's always amazed about how many people come up to her and say they hear her on the show. It's a variety of people who come up to her also. She said everyone from all walks of life tell her they hear her on Stern and she's glad he's sticking around. Howard asked her if she'll be part of the Bush administration now. She told him that she's going to keep that quiet just like he's doing with his money situation. Some people took that as a ''yes'' but Governor Whitman said that Howard is putting words in her mouth. She said she thinks the Bush team will be a good one and people will be surprised.
After that clip we heard Scott the Engineer talking about how they didn't know anything until the last minute. He said that they weren't too worried about him re-signing though. He said that Howard was still huge at that time so he wasn't worried. Tom Chiusano said he wasn't worried either. He said that he wouldn't have been worried until he said he was actually leaving. Tom said he doesn't worry about things he can't control.
That led into another clip where Howard and Robin talked about Jackie and how he'd have to work out a new contract. Howard said he won't get it and something will go wrong. He said Jackie won't be back and that's his prediction. Jackie said that's not the case. Howard said Jackie might want to take some time off so he has some money left after his divorce. They went to break after that.
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After that clip we heard Jim Forbes talking about the games that Howard created on his show. Richard Belzer chimed in on that and said that this was the first reality show and he even got the Osbourne's their TV show. Jim said that Ozzy would bring his family along with him when he would appear on Howard's show. We heard from Ozzy who talked about the things they would discuss on the show.
Fred Norris said there was a synergy between the show and celebrities. He said that Howard told Ozzy he should have a reality show and he got one. Fred said that spawns all of these other shows where they show what the celebrity families are all about. Fred said that Howard kind of started that trend of showing people who these other people are. He said he doesn't do the usual interview. Fred said he wants to hear people talking about real things and what they have to go through on a day to day basis.
Ozzy said he remembers Howard saying that he'd watch a reality show with him and his family. He said that Howard is very unique and there are many people who want to be him. He said that he's a real guy and Robin too. That led into a show clip where Ozzy and his two kids came in to visit. Here's what I had in my archives:
Ozzy Osbourne Comes In. 7/19/01. 8:45am
The great Ozzy Osbourne came in with his two kids Jack and Kelly this morning. He was promoting the Ozzfest 2001: Second Millennium CD which will be out on August 14.
Howard ended up talking to the kids for quite a while about how great it must be to have Ozzy as a father. Kelly, who said she's almost 17, is driving around in a Mercedes Benz SUV after getting rid of her PT Cruiser because she felt it was too ''unsafe'' for her. Jack, 15, is scouting for bands for Epic Records and he's putting together his own record label with a partner. Ozzy also told Howard that his other daughter, Amy, is working on her own singing career and she's got a great voice. He was amazed the first time he heard her sing on a recording that someone played for him.
Every time Ozzy is on Howard estimates Ozzy's worth and tells the kids how they'll be inheriting the mother load when Ozzy is gone. The kids don't really seem to think much about it though. Jack says he wants to do everything on his own and doesn't want to take his father's money. Howard said it's still nice to have that cushion just in case things don't work out for him. Howard said that he's probably got trusts set up for them that will set them for life.
Ozzy said he has sex discussions with his kids because his father never did that for him. He says it's a different time now and things are much crazier than when he was a kid. He said the kids hate to hear it but he does it to be a good parent. Howard said he wants to do the same for his 18 year old but she doesn't want to hear it from him. Howard said he wanted to discuss how great committed relationships are and that if all she wants is an orgasm, he'll buy her a vibrator.
Howard was under the impression that Ozzy would head home to England when his kids were grown up but Ozzy says things have changed over there. He says he's not going to move back home after seeing how much it's changed.
This woman Janice came in to meet Ozzy this morning. She claims that she's been a fan half her life and Ozzy actually saved her father's life. She explained how her father had a kidney transplant and after he came home he was unable to get any rest. He loved her Ozzy albums so she loaned them to him and he was able to relax to his music somehow. Howard joked that Ozzy's music has healing powers or something. Gary came in and said he saw a picture of Janice's room from when she was 16 and she had Ozzy posters all over her room and even over her bed. Howard asked her if she ''touched herself'' while laying in bed to Ozzy's image. She told him that was a possibility.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls from fans and one woman brought up a recent show down in West Palm Beach. Ozzy quickly remembered the woman after she described the situation. He'd given her a harmonica for some reason. She was amazed that he remembered her and Ozzy said the reason he remembered her was because she had ''big knockers''. That embarrassed his kids of course. Howard wrapped up the interview after talking to Ozzy about the time he snorted ants off of a Popsicle stick when he was hanging out with Tommy Lee one time. He said he did it because he was stoned and the ants came crawling out of his mouth.
Win Fred's Money: Round 1. 11/13/00. 8:05am
Today was the first day of ''Win Fred's Money'' where a fan of the show gets the chance to win $10,000 of Fred's money.. which is actually money that the TV shows ''Sex Wars'' and ''Nation Enquirer's Uncovered'' would be paying the winner. The first contestant was Wayne. He passed the preliminary test which had pretty easy questions on it according to Gary. What Wayne has to do to win Fred's money is get as many questions right out of 7 in 60 seconds. Fred was put in another room so he couldn't hear the correct answers. He later came in and tried to answer the same 7 questions. Here are the 7 questions and the correct answers:
Jennifer Cole from the show Sex Wars and Jack Maxwell from Uncovered were both there to award the money if Wayne had won it. Howard had them come in anyway. He spent a couple of minutes talking to each of them. Jack is the host who replaced Mike Walker as the host of Uncovered. It turns out he's also the voice of DirectTV's programming guide. He said he doesn't make much money doing that and that's why he needed another job. Howard also spoke to Jennifer for a quick minute. She was just on the show a couple of weeks ago so he didn't have all that much to talk to her about other than her big, beautiful breasts. She said that ''Sex Wars'' is doing pretty good and they had the women of ''Son of the Beach'' on it the other day. Howard said he watched some of it but couldn't sit through the whole thing.
Howard ended up giving Wayne a consolation prize of a watch from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard offered the guy a trip to a WWF event down in Tampa, Florida but he turned it down. Howard couldn't believe that he couldn't even give the guy the trip. Gary said that when they give away WWF trips people usually call in wanting to win them but this guy must not be into it.
After that clip we heard Greg Fitzsimmons talking about what a freak Fred is. He said he's like an idiot savant who isn't really an idiot. He said that he probably could have run a big company but he wanted to dress the way he wanted to and play in a band. He said that Fred is one of those guys who could have done other things. He said Fred is adding that other layer to the show and you never realize just how bright he is.
Mike Gange said Fred is really a genius. He said the game is not fixed at all either. He said they make sure Fred doesn't know what the questions are and they crank the radio in the booth so he can't cheat. He said Fred isn't involved in the process of coming up with the questions or anything like that. David Arquette talked about what a genius Fred is when it comes to that game. He said it's really impressive to watch.
Jim said that Fred took on some celebrities like John Popper, Debbie Gibson, Kevin Sorbo and Jason Alexander. Jason talked about how bright Fred is and how he has a toe in a lot of different areas. He said he thought that he could probably stand up to Fred but he ended up getting stomped. That led into the Win Fred's Money with Jason Alexander. Here's my write up from that day:
Celebrity ''Win Fred's Money'' With Guest Jason Alexander. 12/10/02. 8:55am
Actor Jason Alexander came in to promote a TV movie he's starring in this weekend called ''The Man Who Stole Christmas'' which airs this Sunday night at 9 O'Clock on CBS.
Before Jason came in Howard mentioned that he was best known for his ''Seinfeld'' role. A listener called in and told Howard he's not best known for that now, he's best known for his KFC commercials. Howard also pointed out he was in ''Son of the Beach'' when that was still on the air. When Jason came in Howard asked him if he's offended when he introduces him as being from ''Seinfeld'' and he kiddingly (I think) said that he was and would prefer the KFC mention instead. The guys asked him if he gets free chicken since he works for KFC. Jason said he gets ''Chicken Bucks'' from the company so he gets free chicken at KFC if he wants it. That led to the guys talking about the urban myths about KFC and some other fast food restaurants that were spread over the years. Howard ended up telling a story about how his father could have gotten in on the Kentucky Fried Chicken thing when they first went public many years ago but his mother talked him out of it.
Howard eventually moved on to play ''Win Fred's Money'' with Jason. He was playing for a $10,000 prize. If he won he said he'd be giving his money to a charity. Howard said he shouldn't do that, he should keep the money for himself. Howard sent Fred off to Robin's cubicle so he couldn't hear the questions. He then asked Jason the seven questions. He had 60 seconds to answer as many of them as possible. Here are the questions and the correct answers:
Howard spent a little while longer talking to Jason before ending the interview. He talked to Jason about ''Seinfeld'' and how little money he's getting from the syndication deal. Jason said that he and the rest of the guys, except Jerry, are just getting the minimum SAG residuals for those reruns. Stuttering John said he heard that Seinfeld is thinking of doing a reunion show but Jason said he's heard nothing about that at this point. Howard and the guys talked about Julia Louis-Dreyfus' semi-successful TV show also. Jason said he heard that her show was actually picked up again for a mid-season replacement so it hasn't been canceled yet.
Howard talked about his new dog a little bit with Jason who sounded pretty excited that he'd gotten the dog.
Howard gave Jason a couple of plugs for some of the other stuff he's doing. He's going to be starring in ''The Producers'' opposite Martin Short. Howard and the guys made a couple of cracks about how Martin will probably be over the top in his part.
After that clip we heard Jason talking about how you're a genius when you're at home playing against Fred. It's very different playing in person. He said that he should have respected it before he went in. Fred said that some people had no business being there. He said that some people would do miserable and he'd just wonder what they were thinking coming in there. He said maybe they thought it was a set up or something. He said maybe it was just a way for them to get on the show. Fred said it could be just a device to get on the show.
Jim said that Fred didn't enjoy losing either. His first loss was to Crazy Cabbie who was working at the station at the time. Gary said Cabbie was doing overnight's and he'd hang around so they'd talk to him on the air. He said they didn't think he was in Fred's league intelligence wise but it wasn't Fred's day. That led into the show clip where Fred played against Cabbie. Here's my write up from that day:
Win Fred's Money With Crazy Cabbie. 1/4/01. 9:15am
Crazy Cabbie needs some money so he asked to play a game of Win Fred's Money today. Howard said it was okay and had him come down to play a quick game. If Cabbie wins he gets $10,000 courtesy of the TV shows Sex Wars and National Enquirer's Uncovered. Howard sent Fred into Robin's booth so he couldn't hear the questions. He then asked the following questions:
Fred didn't know why he went back to the Barbra Streisand question. He thought he might get it if he heard it again but it didn't come to him.
Later in the show Gary came in and said that a bunch of people told him that because Cabbie is an employee of the station, he can't win the money. The rules said that no employees are eligible to win so he might be out of luck. Howard wanted them to give it to him anyway but they may have to wait until tomorrow when Tom gets back to find out. Cabbie said that's the story of his life. He won but then they yanked it back from him. Scott the engineer came in and congratulated Cabbie on being a bigger loser than him. Howard said that Cabbie deserves it and he'll fight for him to get it.
After that clip we heard Chris Booker talking about how he couldn't believe Fred lost to Cabbie. He said he wasn't a dumb guy but it sent ripples around the station. Fred said he learned that he couldn't be an idiot. He said he underestimated Cabbie that day. He said he felt rather full of himself that day. He only got 4 right and that's lame. Fred said he was trying to get a fifth answer and he just didn't get it. Fred said he could have beaten him but Cabbie beat him on time. He said the second time they played he wiped the floor with him. Fred said he learned that he has to stop instead of keep going when it comes to time.
Gary said that the next day they were told that Cabbie didn't win because he was an employee of the company. They didn't give him the money. Tom Chiusano said he wasn't there that day and when he heard he had won he had to tell him that he couldn't win. He said Cabbie got nuts but didn't get disrespectful. He said he didn't get the money though.
Fred said that Cabbie should have won the money. He said they should have made a stipulation that he had to give it to charity or something. He should have gotten the money.
They played a show clip where Howard was playing a commercial for this product called ''Longitude.'' Amy Lynn was the woman in the commercial so they listened to that and talked about that for a minute. Then Gary said that they have someone working there who offered to try the product out. He didn't say who it was at first. Stuttering John said that guy asked him too. Howard had the guy come in. It turned out to be Jason Kaplan who was an intern at the time. Jason said that he has a pretty small penis that's only like 4 1/2'' to 5'' long when he's hard. He said when it's flaccid it's really small. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Jason about his penis.
After that we heard Jim introducing Train performing a Led Zeppelin song, ''Ramble On,'' live on the show. They played that as they were going to break.
Jim Forbes said that one Superfan tried to get on the show back then. That was Shuli. Shuli talked about how he wanted to get through and make a bet with Howard that he could make him laugh. He said he finally got the joke off and the rest was history.
They played that first call Shuli made to the show. Howard took the call and Shuli said he wanted to try and make Howard laugh and if he could, he'd like to be at the Blackjack table when he's betting. Howard let him tell the joke but he didn't like it right from the start. Shuli told the joke and Howard did laugh. Howard said it was stupid but he did laugh. Howard told Shuli he could bet with them.
Jim said that the crew went out to Las Vegas in late January. Benjy talked about how exciting it was to be traveling with the show. Brian Phelan talked about how wild the show was out there. They had people coming from all over to see them in the casino. They were rabid for them. John Reiber talked about how it was always a party out there. He said trying to create TV in that environment was very tough but it worked out well.
Howard talked about how the audience never hears them when they do shows from those types of venues. Howard said they have to be very well thought out and have visual things for the audience. Howard said it's best when he can sit and describe things to his audience. That led to a clip from the Las Vegas show. Here's some of what I wrote back then:
Howard At The Hard Rock Hotel Casino. 1/29/01. 6-7am
Howard and the whole crew flew out to Las Vegas on Saturday on a private jet to do a recorded show from the Hard Rock Hotel on Sunday night. Howard said they played cards the whole way out. Howard said that his friend Richie picked up a chick on Saturday and the next night Ralph tried to steal her away. He didn't get into too many details but he and Robin thought there was some kind of code between friends that says you don't steal each other's women.
Stuttering John had a stripper that was willing to do anything to get on the show. She said she'd eat dog doody if she had to. Howard spoke to her for a minute but decided not to let her come on right away. He told her she made it to the air but she wanted a private meeting with him. He didn't let that happen though.
After that we heard Gary talking about how crazy things were out there when they went out. He said it was like all of their fans were there when they went out. He said most of the fans are cool though. Shuli talked about how many fans showed up and they probably had no idea how many would actually show up. He said you couldn't walk in the hotel because of the number of people there. He said it was like a freak show out there. Gary said that Shuli was there at the casino that day and he looked about the way he expected him to. Shuli said he was a big fan of the show and he was only 10 feet away from them. He said it was insane. Shuli said they pooled their money and placed a bet and it was a surreal moment for him. He said he knew that he was going to be calling the show every day after that. That led into a show clip where Howard placed the big bet while Kevin Sorbo was there. Here's an excerpt from my archives:
Howard At The Hard Rock Hotel Casino. 1/29/01. 8-9am
Actor Kevin Sorbo and his wife Sam came in to play a hand of black jack. Kevin told Howard that his syndicated show ''Andromeda'' premiered at number one in syndication. Howard said everyone claims that when they have a syndicated show.
Stuttering John said that a fan who called in last week and wanted to play a hand of black jack with Howard was there also. He came up to play his own hand with $300 that he couldn't really afford to lose. Kevin said that he only had $100 with him so that's all he could bet. Howard and the rest of the crew put down a couple hundred each and played a hand. They ended up getting 21 and the dealer ended up getting 17 so they actually won the hand. The total payout was $1600 so they had to split it up between everyone. Howard told Kevin that he's luckier than Reggie was.
After that we heard Shuli talking about how he got to keep everything. He said that he became a part of the greatest show ever and he earned money doing it.
Jim Forbes said that another listener was hoping to win even more. Gary talked about how they did a queen for a day thing on the show and this girl had a story about her family being taken hostage and she was the winner. She got to play for $100,000. That led into the show clip where Howard did the big bet. Here's what I had in my archives:
Howard At The Hard Rock Hotel Casino. 1/29/01. 8-9am
The big $100,000 bet was next on the agenda. Howard had Queen For a Day player Tracy Whitheead come in. She's the woman who will place the bet and win the cash if they win. She'd written the show a letter about how she was kidnapped and raped at gun point. Her friends were shot and died so it was a big mess.
This was a big deal so there were security guards and legal people from Howard's station among others. They even took out insurance on the bet through Hole In One Insurance who will cover any splits that Howard might take. There was $300,000 standing by for any splits that might have to be made. Olivia the dealer said she'd feel really bad if Tracy loses because of her sad story. Howard wished Tracy luck and made a little prayer before the hand was dealt.
Olivia dealt Tracy her first card which was a 9. She then got a 10 bringing her to a 19. Howard held up Olivia for a minute and then had her show her cards. She had a 5 then a 7 then a 6 bringing her to 18. Tracy was a winner! She gets $100,000 and the other $100,000 goes back to GoldenPalace.com who put the money up to begin with. Tracy went over and gave Howard a hug. She thanked him and then broke down and cried a little bit. She says this will change her life.
After that clip we heard Scott DePace talking about how they weren't sure how that whole thing would work out. It turned out to be a big success so they went back the following two years.
Jim Forbes said that the show went out to Los Angeles after that and did their show from the E! studios. Robin said it was interesting doing the shows from out there. Scott DePace talked about how they had some great content and they had a cool set out there. They made the set look like an earthquake had hit it. Brian Phelan said they had some great guests coming in out there. He said it was like an assembly line of celebrities.
Ben Stiller, Jay Leno and the Jesus Twins showed up that week but John the Stutterer was the big star that week. Jim Florentine talked about how great John is on the show. He said he laughs at anyone with an affliction because it makes him feel better. Fred said that John seems to be a really bright guy and if he could speak clearly then you'd be able to have a conversation with him. He said he knows a lot of shit that you can talk about. He said it has to be tough to go through life like that.
Ralph talked about the hate that John has for him. He said he started needling him but it got to a point where it wasn't that funny anymore. He said that he's obviously disturbed mentally. Gary talked about how they thought he was going to die from a heart attack. He said they were afraid for him. Ralph said he had to back off of it for a while. He said he didn't think he was stable. He said he was kind of freaked out by the whole thing. That led into a show clip where KC talked about the racist jokes John was telling. Here's what I had in my archives:
Howard From The E! Studios In Los Angeles. 1/30/01. 9-10am
John the Stutterer was telling racist jokes again this morning. Howard was doing a commercial for this thing called a Monkey-gram. John told KC that they just send out Spike Lee as the monkey-gram. Howard told him that he's a racist but John swears that he's not one. He then went on to complain about the foreigners who weren't able to check him in at the hotel. Then he took a cab over and got stuck with another foreigner who couldn't speak English. John was also obsessing over Ralph like he does all the time. He went into his rant about Ralph's berry face and all of that stuff like he does all the time. Ralph was there to defend himself but John just went off on him about what a homo he is. Howard let John complain about the berry faced, snaggle toothed douche bag for a couple of minutes. He then told him he'd heard enough. He also wanted him to calm down because he was really wound up over it. They had him go settle down outside of the studio. He continued to call Ralph a douche bag over and over as he was being walked out. He came back a short time later and apologized to Howard but then went off on Ralph again.
Next up we heard the guys talking about how they went out to the Playboy mansion. We heard from Howard and Gary who gave a quick rundown of what was going on out there. That led into a show clip where Howard and the guys were describing what was going on at the Playboy mansion. Howard said it was very distracting having the girls walking around there.
Howard From The Playboy Mansion. 2/2/01. 6-7am
Gary walked Howard into the pool area of the Playboy mansion and led him to his seat. Howard said they'll be facing the wrong way during the broadcast and won't be able to see anything. Howard and Gary discussed some of the guests that will be coming up later today. Howard said that Rose McGowan was supposed to come in but she canceled. He was hoping to talk to her about her recent break up with Marilyn Manson.
John the Stutterer was there also. He was sitting with some Playmates as were a bunch of clients that were invited. Howard spoke to Kylie Bax who was sitting next to John the Stutterer. She was wearing a mini skirt and a mesh-see-through top that Howard really seemed to like. Gary reminded Howard that Kylie loves anal sex. Howard also spoke to some of the other Playmates who were sitting in the crowd. He quickly spoke to Victoria Fuller, Layla Roberts and Carrie Stevens right before Hugh Hefner showed up.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how they were on a very limited number of people that could come with them. He said it was like 300 people and it was hard to make it happen. Gary said on paper it sounded great but the reality was that they just did their show from the place. Robin said that Hef had come to watch the show and Howard started talking to him. Howard said he remembers him walking in with all of the girls. That led into another show clip where Howard talked to Hef. Here's what I had in my archives:
Howard From The Playboy Mansion. 2/2/01. 7-8am
Howard spent some time talking to Hugh Hefner and his 6 girlfriend's. Hef introduced Howard to each of them and told Howard what they do together. The girls said that being Hef's girlfriend is a full time job so they don't have time for other jobs. Hef told Howard he feels like the luckiest man in the world. Howard asked him if he ever uses Viagra to get himself aroused. Hef said that when you have 6 girlfriends, you need Viagra. He said it's the best recreational drug on the market right now. He said he's even done all 6 girls in one night. He says he hardly ever uses a condom though. He says he always has a close knit relationship with one or more people and he doesn't feel he needs a condom.
Hef said that he still picks the women who appear in the magazine himself. He keeps that job for himself. He said Playboy is hotter than ever and he's very happy about that. Howard wondered what the Playboy mansion property must be worth. Hef said he paid $1.2 million back in 1971 and he can't imagine what it must be worth today.
Howard mentioned that Playboy will be having a party at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas on March 1st to celebrate the ''Girls of the Hard Rock'' section of the magazine which will be out around that time.
After that we heard Robin talking about how David Spade had shown up and that's when they got to talk to him about his assistant Skippy who tried to kill David. Robin said it was kind of traumatic for all of them. David didn't want to talk about it. Gary also talked about that day and that led into the clip from that part of the show. Here's what I had in my archives:
Howard From The Playboy Mansion. 2/2/01. 8-9am
David Spade came in and ended up talking about the incident with his personal assistant Skippy. Howard had to get David to focus on him instead of all of the hot chicks around but he finally got him to tell the story about getting stun gunned by Skippy. David said that the two of them had been out together editing David's next movie ''Joe Dirt''. They went back home and David said good night to Skippy. David went to bed around midnight and woke up around 6am to see 350 pound Skippy standing in his door. David said he asked what was up and Skippy said that the alarm company called him because the alarm went off. David said no and Skippy asked if anyone else was there. When David said no, Skippy punched him in the face and hit him with a stun gun. David managed to get away and out of the house after being punched a couple of times. He was stuck inside his yard because of the locked gates though. He somehow managed to get back inside and locked the door just as Skippy rammed into it. David ran and got his shotgun and threatened to shoot Skippy through he door. At that point Skippy left. David said he still doesn't know what happened or why. He had 3 good years with the guy and then this happened. David said he told the prosecutors to go easy on him because he seems to be back to normal now. David said he wasn't aware that Skippy was on medication while he worked for him.
David said people at work still goof around and pretend to stun gun him with their cell phones. He's taking it pretty well.
After that clip we heard Mike Gange talking about how he thought it was going to be a great night at the mansion. He said the only nudity he saw was Benjy jumping in the pool naked. Benjy said he did that toward the end of the show so he wouldn't get into trouble. Gary said that Benjy told him he was going to do it but he told him to hold off so they could get a camera on it. Scott DePace said he remembers someone yelling that Benjy was naked. Gary said he had headset to the truck and he cued Benjy when to do it. Benjy said he jumped into the pool and Howard ended the show with that. He said it was neat to be part of that moment. Howard said it was funny as hell. He said now he's all modest. Gary said it was one of the funniest things Benjy has ever done. Gange said it was one of the grossest things he's ever done. Ronnie the Limo Driver said that his penis was all shriveled up inside of him. That's what he remembered about it. That led into the clip where Benjy jumped in. Her's what I had in my archives:
Howard From The Playboy Mansion. 2/2/01. 9-10am
Benjy got naked and leaped into the pool which caught everyone's attention. Howard said that was Benjy's dream, to be in the Grotto naked.
After that we heard the guys talking about how everyone cleared out of the mansion right after he show was done. They were expecting more to happen that night but they were done. Ralph said they think that girls are just going to be there spreading their legs and that's just not what happens. Mike Gange said they worked the whole show and then they got none of the spoils from doing it. He said they got stuck holding the bag and just had to leave. Scott the Engineer said no one but Howard got to go into the mansion. He said that they got to see the grounds there but that was about it. Brian Phelan said he saw a peacock walking by. He said it was really bizarre. KC said he liked the monkeys. He said he must be a fucking nerd. Doug said he'd like to go out there to Vegas again. He said they really need to get out.
This was a month before Jackie left the show. Gary talked about that and then Howard talked about the kind of money they get and how they're treated so well in radio. He said no one else gets the same treatment. Howard said he'd tell Jackie how rare it is to be treated like that and Jackie didn't seem to care. Gary said they went on this trip and Jackie saw how great it was. Then he quit a month later. They went to break after that.
The Joke Man Is Gone! 3/5/01. 7:05am
Howard announced that Jackie the Joke Man Martling has walked off the show once again. Howard said that after 15 years of working with the guy he just walked out after not being able to negotiate a new contract. Howard said it's over now and the show must go on. He also said that they're going to play ''Win Jackie's Money'' where comedians and voice guys can try to get Jackie's money.
Howard said he doesn't understand the whole walking out thing. He said everyone on the show wanted more money and they all managed to work it out without walking out on the show. For some reason he's the only one that can't work things out.
Phone callers said that they'll miss the Joke Man. Howard said he'll miss him too but he doesn't have to just walk out on the show like he's done so many times in the past. Howard said he's not going to do anything to try and get the guy back because it's not worth the trouble.
Howard said he found out Jackie wasn't coming back when he got an e-mail from him. The e-mail said that Jackie couldn't call Howard because it would be ''too weird''. They've worked together 15 years and that's what happens.
Tom Chiusano came in and said they've been working with Jackie since the beginning of the year and they just weren't going where Jackie wanted them to go. Howard said he knows what they were offering Jackie and any writer would be thrilled to get that kind of money. Howard pointed out that when Jackie goes out on strike it doesn't hurt the people he's trying to negotiate with, it hurts the show.
Robin suggested that they give the job to either Stuttering John or Benjy just to make Jackie feel like crap. John said that Tom would never give him that kind of money though. Tom once told him that he'd die before he'd give him a raise.
After that clip we heard Jackie talking about how he wanted to make a lot more money and he didn't even know that Howard was staying until December 15 of 2000. He said he met with Tom a little bit but then Tom was going to Paris for New Year's Eve. He said he was going to deal with it when he got back. Tom Chiusano said Jackie was all about money and he respects that but his negotiations were much more dramatic than anyone else's. He said that deal was a monster deal. Jackie said he gave them a figure and Tom came back and told him no after a couple of different numbers went back and forth. Mel Karmazin said that he usually does deals but Jackie's deal just didn't work out. He said they weren't able to satisfy Jackie. Tom said that he asked Jackie not to do what he was thinking about. He said he told him that McLean Stevenson thought MASH would die without him but he was wrong. Jackie said he told them to let Howard know he wouldn't be in the following Monday. Tom said he did everything he could for Jackie. He said they were giving him every nickel they could and that was it. He said it just wasn't going to happen.
Mel Karmazin said that he looks back at that money and he wouldn't be embarrassed if they published it on the front page of the paper. He said it just wasn't enough for Jackie and he's sorry to see they weren't able to do a deal with him. Jackie said he didn't come in the next week and that was as simple as it was.
That led into more of the segment they had played earlier where Tom came in and talked about their negotiations with Jackie.
After that clip we heard Fred talking about how he's not sure why Jackie left exactly. He said he doesn't know the amount he left over but he doesn't even care. He said that he deserves what he earns. He said Jackie was tired of getting up at that time of day anyway. Fred said it was like he was looking for some reason not to come in. He said he thinks he was done either way.
Howard talked about what Jackie was offered and how he doesn't know what the rest of the guys make but he does know what Jackie was offered. He said that the difference was just a week's pay or something like that. He said there had to be more to it than just the money. We heard Jackie talking about how he was really tired of getting up at that time f the morning and he was making millions but he wasn't happy. He said it's just not natural.
That led into another show clip where Howard asked Stuttering John about Jackie not coming back. John said he didn't have any idea this was going on. Howard said Jackie sent him an email and didn't tell him about it. John said he was going to miss out on a lot of free lunches. That's all he knows.
After that we heard Jason Kaplan talking about what that day was like. He said it was a big shock to everyone. He said that they got to see how real it was that day when Jackie didn't come in. He said it was just weird and odd. Jason said he was kind of bummed but also kind of happy that he was there for a big moment on the show since he didn't know if he was going to be there for more.
Scott the Engineer said he was sorry to see him leave but people have to do what they have to do. Gary said Jackie wanted more money and he thinks he wanted it because it would show him that they respected him. Howard said it always rocks him when there is change on the show. He said Jackie was a big learning experience. He said Jackie was unhappy and that made him unhappy too. He said he believes in himself now and he can get over that kind of thing. He said he can keep doing the show and prevail. No one person is going to put the show away.
After that we heard more of Howard talking about Jackie leaving and finally calling him. Here's what I had in my archives:
More On Jackie's Negotiations. 3/7/01. 6:35am
Howard said he heard from Jackie last night. He finally called Howard after reading an article in the NY Post about his leaving and how Howard was upset that he didn't call him. Jackie told Howard he was just trying not to bother him during his negotiations. Howard said he's seen how much they were offering Jackie and it seemed like it was a lot of money but that's up to Jackie.
Howard also said that the show will go on with or without Jackie. He said he liked Jackie and he's sorry they're not working together right now but the show must go on.
Howard said that they will use the money they were going to pay Jackie to pay comedians who want to ''Win Jackie's Money'' by doing voices and stuff like that.
This whole thing was brought up by a phone caller who eventually told Howard that he just had anal the other day. Howard then changed subjects and talked about his anal experience and how quick it happened. He said he never thought about it until he was in his 40's. With all of the porn stars coming in and talking about it Howard got to thinking. He said that he'd gone 40 years without it and figured he needed to try it. He said it wasn't that different than regular sex yet it was so wrong. Howard said that he's done it with 3 people he can think of and it's different with each one. (There were quite a few delay button hits during this so we missed some of it) Some of the discussion was hard to follow because of the delay hits that Andre was doing. Stuttering John came in and helped out with the conversation. KC also came in and brought up the girl he did who had a stomach virus at the time. She ended up making a mess out of him because of it.
Howard was also talking about his anal fissure and how he got that by scratching and poking his ass too much. It was an all anal discussion that led to more delay button hits than you can imagine.
Stuttering John also shared his experience with a virgin and how hard it was to ''break through''. He said it was so hard that he couldn't complete the act. Howard was never lucky enough to have a virgin. He said he'd love to take someone's virginity but he's never had the chance. Gary said he had a virgin but he didn't realize it until after he was done. Gary said it wasn't very good because his condom broke and he never finished with her. He said she was upset that she wasn't really a virgin anymore but she hadn't really had sex.
Howard also talked about how he had an orgasm while he was at Scores recently. He didn't have any physical contact, he was just so worked up by a lap dance that he went off. He said he took a sock and put it in his pants after it happened to sop it up. Robin then shared her stories about how she can orgasm just by seeing or hearing things that get her off. She said it's even happened in the studio while on the air.
After that clip we heard Gilbert Gottfried who said that Jackie legally changed his name to ''Boy Jackie's a fucking idiot, can you believe he left that show?'' He said it was a very long name. Adam Carolla, Craig Gass, Andrew Dice Clay, Sal Governale and David Brenner quickly commented on Jackie leaving the show. They were all goofing on him for leaving the way he did.
Jackie talked about how he never heard another peep out of them after their final offer. He said that's the way it ended. Gary said that it was tough for Howard to say it was over but once he was over that mountain, it was over and he was never going to look back. Howard said Jackie may have thought he was going to get a month or two off but he couldn't allow that. He said they're all there working for the common good and it was very disruptive to the show.
Ron Zimmerman said that Jackie wanted to go back. He said he told him he should go back. This time he didn't get the call to come back. Ron said he told Jackie to just show up and go back to his chair and pretended that he didn't know anything had gone wrong. He said Howard would have made something out of it and Jackie could have pretended he had a blackout or something. Ron said Howard would have eventually gotten something out of it and given him his job back. Ron said Jackie was so prideful that he couldn't do it. That led into a show clip where Howard read an article about Jackie in the NY Post. Here's what I had in my archives from that day:
Did Howard Buy A Benz For A Stripper? 8/13/01. 7:35am
Howard also mentioned that there was an article in the NY Post about how Jackie wants to come back to the show but Howard won't let him. Howard said that it's really sad to read this stuff because Jackie was the one who walked out on them. Howard said they (the radio station) begged Jackie to stay but he walked off the show when they refused to give him more money than they offered him. Howard said he's not mad at Jackie but they've moved on and made commitments to other people since he left. He's not going to change anything. Howard thinks that the shows have been great since Jackie left but he has no hard feelings toward the guy. Howard went on to read the article on the air and commented on the whole situation for a little while. Howard continued to talk about how Jackie hanged himself, it wasn't Howard who kicked him off the show or anything like that. Howard did say that his boss, Mel Karmazin, always wanted Jackie gone because he was tired of all of his ''bull.''
Howard said that he told Jackie he was making a mistake walking off the show and now it's hitting the Joke Man that Howard was right. Howard had to point out that Jackie was the one who walked off over and over again because Jackie seems to be trying to make it seem like they kicked him off the show and wouldn't take him back when he refused to sign the new contract. Tom Chiusano was in the studio to give his side of the story also. He said they offered Jackie a substantial raise but Jackie wanted more than they were willing to give. He also said they told Jackie that if he didn't take the offer, it was off the table and that was that. Howard said at some point in your life you have to realize you have a great thing going and just stick with it. Jackie was 53 when he walked off the show and he should have realized he had it made. Now it's too late. Howard said he may do the same thing in four years when his contract is up for renewal again. He has a good thing going but he may decide to go ''punch up scripts'' like Jackie wanted to. Then, if he leaves, he may realize that he made the biggest mistake of his life. By then it'll be too late to do anything about it.
Everyone in the studio said they all feel bad for Jackie. Howard, Stuttering John and Robin all feel the same way. Fred remained oddly quiet during the conversation though. Gary and John asked if there's a chance that Jackie could ever come back and sit in his old chair again someday. Howard said it's best of they don't do that and just go on with the show. He continued to say that he has no hard feelings toward Jackie though.
On a side note, John asked Howard if he's going to come back in 4 years when his contract is up. Howard said he doesn't know what he's going to do but it looks like he may be done with radio. The whole industry has changed since he started in radio and he thinks he may be done with it. Gary also pointed out that Howard's personal life has changed a lot since he started also so that may affect his career moves.
Fred finally said something when someone mentioned how quiet he'd remained during this conversation. Fred just blurted out ''He made his bed now let him lay in it!'' He's just as fed up with hearing about it over and over again as Howard is so he didn't want to waste any more time talking about it. Howard ended the conversation shortly after that.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about how Jackie will say he doesn't regret his decision to leave but he has to because of all of the fun they have. Robin said that he has to regret it because he had so much fun there and it was his decision to leave. He was treated well and he decided to walk away over something silly. Robin said in a sense he's saying he can't regret it but he did walk out. Howard said he thinks Jackie is sorry he walked out.
Jackie said that he really isn't bitter or angry. He said he quit the show, quit drinking and got separated. He said that they were big disruptions in his life. Jackie said he had to deal with it and that's what he did.
Fred said it was sad the way he left. He said that they didn't get to say goodbye to him in the right way. He said it was all left unresolved and it was like someone had died in a way. Howard said there were money issues there but he remembers the good times with Jackie. He said he was always professional and he always felt good about seeing him there.
Scott DePace, KC Armstrong and Gary Dell'Abate all talked about how much fun Jackie was on the show. They shared some stories about Jackie.
Mel Karmazin said that Jackie was the best to have around at the parties they threw. He was a very important part of the show. Richard Lewis also talked about how important Jackie was to the show and how much he missed him. Brian Phelan also talked about how Jackie was a great guy. He said he opened his house up to him many times. Penn Jillette talked about how he got close to Jackie when he left the show. He said he found him uninteresting on the show but he was wrong. Penn said he knows Jackie loves and respects Howard even when he's not on the show.
Howard talked about how many great bits and lines Jackie added to the show. He said he could always do his own show but he wants to work with creative people and Jackie fit the mould. Stuttering John said he and Jackie drove in together and they would drink together and go on trips together. He said he went to Jamaica with him and they were good friends. filbert Gottfried said Jackie made a terrible mistake by leaving... other than that everything is fine. They went to break after that.
Jim Forbes said that Howard announced that they were going to have someone sit in. Ron Zimmerman was that person. We heard from Ron who said Howard called him the day after Jackie left and asked him to come in. Ron said Howard told him he needed someone to sit in because he would be freaked out not seeing someone sitting there. Howard said he thought something was there with Ron and that's why he called him. Ron said he thought Jackie's job was easy but just getting up at 4 in the morning was enough to kill him. Ron said he wanted a drink at 5:45 in the morning and he wasn't sure how he could do that. That led into a show clip where Ron was sitting in on the show drinking beer.
After that we heard Ron talking about how they had to take away his beer around 8 that morning. He said that they told him he just couldn't drink during the show. Ron said it was really hard and it was so many hours. He said it became a running gag during his time there. That led into the clip where they talked about taking his beer away. Here's what I had in my archives:
KC's Gay Gigs. 3/12/01. 6:45am
He got sidetracked when Gary came in and said that Tom Chiusano told him that they have to take away Ron's beer. It's against company policy to drink in the studio. Tom eventually came down and argued about it with Howard for a few minutes. As Tom was starting to talk to Howard, Stuttering John was doing bunny ears behind Tom's head. He kept doing it until Tom turned around and smacked him in the head! John finally left after that. Howard tried to resist taking away Ron's beer as long as he could. By the time the argument was over Ron was done with his beer.
After that clip we heard Ron talking about how he kept looking at the clock and the show was just dragging on. Fred said that Ron was too quiet for that chair. He said that Jackie Chair wasn't right for Ron. Benjy said he loved Ron Zimmerman. He said he was unique and wacky. Howard said Ron and Cher are dating now and he heard they're very happy.
Gary said that Howard didn't care who he put in that chair as long as he put someone there. Gary said Howard just wanted someone in that chair. He wanted to try everyone out.
Comedian Craig Gass remembered getting the call to sit in that chair. Craig said that he got a bunch of calls from friends telling him that he should try to get on the show. He said he got a call from Gary who wanted to talk to him about sitting in. He said he figured it had to be about sitting in that chair. Craig said he called Gary back and he actually picked up. He never picked up on him before that. Craig said he told Gary he heard about Jackie leaving. Craig was doing his impression of Gary as he told this story. He said Gary told him to just come in and hang out for a couple of days. Craig said his life changed forever after that.
Fred said that Craig is very good as a performer but not as an every day performer. Benjy said he wrote for Craig and he used a lot of stuff. He said he's always appreciated that.
Gene Simmons said that Craig does impressions that don't really sound like him. He said that he had a woman talking about breast cancer on the show and Craig called in as Gene Simmons and told her that he thought it was horrible and wanted to give her something. Craig told her he wanted to send her a KISS lunch box. Gene said he got a lot of phone calls that day from people who thought it was him. He said he had to tell people it wasn't him but they didn't believe it.
Jim said that Craig came face to face with Gene on the show one day that he sat in. Craig said that he was always making stuff up that Gene would sell and Gene came in that day and told him he didn't think he sounded like him at all. That day Gene sold a coffin on the show. He couldn't believe it. That led into that show clip where Gene came in.
Will The Real Gene Simmons Please Stand Up. 6/12/01. 7:45am
(Edited down) Gene was in to promote a few things including his autobiography which will be out in the fall and a KISS box set that will cost about $250. The main thing he was promoting was a new KISS casket! He said he'll be at the Jacob Javits Convention Center tomorrow from 10am to 3pm promoting this thing. It's a full sized actual casket that will cost you about $4500. It's waterproof so it can also be used as a cooler in your house. So you can enjoy it while you're alive and dead. Of course it has KISS stuff all over it.
Howard took a couple of quick phone calls from people and then let Gene talk about how KISS has come close to beating the Beatles in sales and attendance records. He said they've actually beaten The Beatles in some attendance records. Craig's ''Gene'' said they beat the ''Most Anal'' record and they actually invented anal sex because the band was getting tired of vagina. ''Gene'' also joked that on KISSOnline.com you'll soon see a ''Cash-Cam'' where you can watch Gene count your money. Of course you'll have to pay to see him counting your money. The real Gene laughed at that whole idea.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how few guys could fit the bill to sit in that chair for the day. He said that he just wanted to try out a bunch of people. Robin said she wasn't concerned about replacing Jackie at all. She said that it was difficult to work with him. Robin said that it was his choice to go so let him go. She said it was an opportunity to add something new to the show.
Ralph Cirella talked about how cool he thought it was to mix it up on the show. He said he likes having people like George Takei sit in. He said he wouldn't have minded if they had never filled that chair.
Vinnie Penn filled that chair on two occasions. Vinnie said that Howard told him he didn't have to think he had to be funny or anything. He said he didn't want to have an audition show or anything. He said he came out of the gate slowly but then Robin made fun of his balding and Howard goofed on him about that. He said Howard thought he was going for a look. Vinnie said he had some good jokes about that when Howard brought it up. He said he was asked back after that.
Doug Stanhope was another one who got to come in and fill the chair. Doug talked about how Howard's show was the highest hope they had at the time. Fred said that Doug is very interesting and a great guest. He said that he's not the regular day job kind of guy though. Doug said that he'd try to write jokes but the moment would be gone before he could even write them down. He said he'd walk out of there feeling like he failed and that he wanted to cry. That led into a clip from when Doug sat in on the show one day. Here's what I had in my archives:
Doug Stanhope's Disturbing Picture. 4/23/01. 7:10am
Howard said that Doug Stanhope has a picture of himself kissing his dead father in his wallet. Most people have pictures of babies in their wallet, he has a dead guy. Doug said that his father was staying at his brother's house in Rhode Island and the whole family was there on his last day. They had some disposable cameras there and when his father died his brother took a picture of him kissing him dead. Howard said the picture is laminated and the guy looks really dead.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how he was Father of the year with his 8 year old daughter on Friday. He took Ashley to the Mars 2112 restaurant and had some fun with her there.
Howard said that he's thinking of renting a house out in the Hamptons during the summer but he's having a hard time finding one. He said that the realtor he spoke to told him that there isn't anything available but the newspaper says that people are having trouble renting out their homes this year. Fred has a house he rents out there so Howard might be able to use it. Howard has used Dominic's Hamptons house in the past so he might just use it again this year. He said that it's looking better and better.
Stuttering John came in and said that there was a psychologist on the phone who was saying that Doug must have some hatred for his father, that's why he carries around a picture of him dead. Doug says that he carries the picture around because he hates people who show him baby pictures. When people show him baby pictures, he whips out the dead father picture to get back at them.
Next up we heard Jim talking about how Vinnie Favale and Jon Hein also sat in. Robin didn't remember that. Fred said that he likes Jon but not in that chair. Jon Hein said that he doesn't think he's on that level at all. He said he figured he could add something to the show but he had no idea what to expect. He said that the show just rolls and nothing changes. He said the conversation just changes during the breaks and stuff. He said he would chime in on pop culture discussions. He said he would just look on in awe during other segments. Jon said it was an honor and a privilege to sit in that chair.
Vinnie Favale said he loved sitting in. He said that they have a name for everything on the show and you know what you're dealing with. He said they even had a name for ''The Jackie Chair.'' He said they had to fill it. Fred said he loves Vinnie the rolly pollie guy. Howard said he found Vinnie interesting. Fred said he was too sweet for that chair. Vinnie said he had no idea what to do in that chair. He said he's good in little bursts but not 4 hours. Vinnie said he started bringing in things like the Judy Garland tapes. That led into the show clip where Howard played those clips.
The Judy Garland Tapes. 3/23/01. 7:15am
Vinnie Favale from CBS has been sitting in all week waiting to play tapes of Judy Garland rambling for Howard. He's also been talking about all of the CBS shows and how great they are. Howard wanted to hook him up to a lie detector to see if he actually thinks that the shows are good.
Howard first played the Judy Garland tapes that he's been talking about all week. Vinnie edited down the tapes to just the good parts. Apparently the tapes are from the time when she had lost her CBS show and she was divorced and living in England. Someone suggested that she voice her thoughts on tape so a book could be written about her life. Howard played a bunch of the clips and she just rambles in what sounds like a drunken rage. She complains about not knowing how to use the tape recorder and how it's a ''Nazi machine''. In another clip she wonders why she flies around in airplanes with a ''cast'' of people she couldn't care less about. She said she doesn't want to die with these people who sit around reading ''Readers Digest''. She also complains about her ex-husband Sid Luft and how he doesn't care about anyone except himself. The tapes were hilarious.
For some reason Vinnie thought that there were many similarities between Judy and Howard. Some of his examples included... both were divorced, both had kids, both were in their 40's, both battled CBS over money, both were mentally abused by their parents, both saw psychiatrists, both talk in a microphone, both like their wine, both can't play sports, both lost money in their divorce, both had daughters that wanted to be performers and while Judy hung out with gays, Howard hung out with Ralph.
After that clip we heard Jon Hein talking about how people thought the show had jumped the shark after Jackie left. Jon said that the show always evolves though. Jim Forbes said that a bunch of other people sat in on the show like Joe Rogan and Dave Chappelle. Fred talked about how funny Dave Chappelle was on the show. Mike Gange said it was a tough spot to fill. He said that Jeff Ross is a brilliant comedian but he didn't fit in that chair. He said it's more of a give and take thing and Jeff might be more used to it being more about him. Robin said those guys were great guests but she couldn't imagine them filling that chair for good. Gary talked about how they asked Richard Jeni to sit in that chair too.
Jim Forbes said that Greg Fitzsimmons dad was in radio. That led to Greg talking about how his father wasn't much of a fan of Howard's. He said that when Howard came on NBC his father was on WNEW and he had hosted the Jerry Lewis telethon and Howard called him ''washed up.'' They both had the same agent though so that didn't go over very well. Greg said he heard about Howard around the house but not in a positive way.
Greg talked about how Gary heard his stand-up tape and must have liked it. He said they invited him to come on the show and it was very scary to him. Fred said he thinks that Greg is designed to be his own host and that's what he's doing now on Sirius. Fred said he's smart too. That led into a clip where Howard had Greg sit in on the show. Here's an excerpt from my archives:
Various Stuff. 4/16/01. 6:05am
(Edited down) Sitting in this morning in Jackie's place was comedian Greg Fitzsimmons. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about his father who was in radio. Greg said that he tuned in to Best Of Stern last week and Howard spent about 2 minutes goofing on his father. His father has since died but Howard wanted to know what it was like having a parent on the radio. Greg told him what that was like and Howard moved on to other stuff.
After that clip we heard Gary talking about the variety of guys they had in there. He said it became like going to a party and meeting new people every week. Jim Florentine sat in the chair and ended up dating Robin years later. We heard Robin talking about Jim not remembering that he had sat in. Jim Florentine said that guys like him could never get on until Jackie left. He said it was a huge spot to get in on. He said he told his manager to give it a try. He said his manager didn't think he could get him on. Fred said that Jim is very funny and he loved him. He wishes that he was still around because he does a killer impression.
KC talked about how funny Jim is and how they went to a Yoga class and farted in there. Jim said he remembers sitting in on the show that day and how he got to see everyone walking in. He said he knew when to cut in and all of that. He said he had a dream about him and Robin riding horses together. They ended up dating 7 or 8 years later. That led into the show clip where Jim told a story about his dream about Robin.
After that we heard Robin and the guys talking about some of the other guys who sat in. AJ Benza was one of those guys. They told some stories about him and how good he was on the show. Jim Forbes said he was on the show until he decided to hit one of the staff. Benjy talked about how AJ once told Donald Trump he was going to bash his head in with a bat. He said when he got angry he got really angry. Brian Phelan said that you have to have thick skin to work on the show and Stuttering John was busting his balls that day that he took a shot at him. Brian said he said he was going to go hit him. Fred said that AJ turned to him and gave him a wink so he figured he wasn't going to do anything. Benjy said he saw AJ get up to go to the office. He said he reached around and took a swing at John but he actually hit Gary. Brian said that it was wild that someone really took a swing at John. That led into that show clip where AJ went after John. Here's what I had in my archives:
AJ Benza Punches Stuttering John... Banished From Show! 7/24/01. 7:45am
While Howard was taking phone calls and killing some time this morning Stuttering John was calling in as a listener and disguising his voice. He ended up goofing on AJ's failed TV show and it really pissed AJ off. AJ said he was going to go punch John out and John welcomed the threat. The next thing everyone knew AJ left the studio, ran out to John and smacked John across the face. Gary tried to get between them and he got hit also. It was all caught on tape and General Manager Tom Chiusano came down and told AJ to leave the station. He said there's no room for that in the work place and he told him to get out. AJ said no problem but Howard tried to discuss the whole thing first. Stuttering John was ready to kick his ass though. Howard told AJ that he needs some anger management classes or something. No one could believe that AJ would get that pissed over something so minor but AJ said that sometimes you just have to teach someone a lesson. He said he just smacked John with his left hand, not his right hand which is his strong hand. It doesn't matter to Tom though. He just has to leave now that Tom has come into it.
Howard said it was up to Stuttering John to make the decision of whether or not to have AJ thrown out of the station today. John said he has to go because he doesn't want something like that happening again. Gary said he doesn't think he wants the chance of that happening again either.
Donald Trump called in and told John that he should sue AJ and even Howard's show because the show's got the money. Trump said that John could make millions off of the suit and he'd never have to work again. Trump said his stuff and quickly hung up. He has a problem with AJ to begin with so he would be happy to see John sue him.
It was suggested that John be allowed to return a slap to AJ to make things even but there were conditions on AJ's end that people didn't want to deal with. Everyone was going nuts with the whole thing. Howard wanted to put the video clip on the web, Tom wanted AJ to leave, AJ was bleeding from KC grabbing him and tossing him out of the studio... it was a mess.
Gary was one of the people who thought that AJ shouldn't be allowed back on the show. He thinks that AJ is a ''loose cannon'' and could go off at any time. He didn't think that before today but now he does. Tom was saying that AJ may be allowed to come back tomorrow but it should be discussed with him first.
After that clip we heard Fred talking about how much he liked AJ. He said he didn't take any shit. He said that was his downfall though. Brian Phelan said that they never had him back on the show again after that... except on the phone. Brian said he's not sure what that chair does to people. They went to break after that.
Adam Carolla talked about Jackie doing stand-up and how he couldn't believe he was leaving the Stern Show. He said there was a great void there and they tried to fill it. Howard said that those guys get the show and they know how to just hang. He said Jimmy is perfect for the show and he'd let him come in and do the show anytime. Doug Stanhope said it's guaranteed great radio with those guys. Ralph said that Adam has a different perspective and he was really good on the show. Adam talked about sitting in there in person and how much better that is than calling in. He said it's like the first time you fuck and you're not good at it. He said once you get into the studio you see Howard and the guys and you get a feel for the lay of the land. He said he brought his B-game to the show. That led into a show clip where Howard was talking to Adam and Jimmy. Here's more from my archives:
More Various Stuff. 9/26/01. 8:15am
Howard was killing some show time by taking phone calls and talking about various news stories. Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel were also joking around and telling some of their funny stories. Howard also took a phone call from a woman who said she thinks that his Howard Stern Relief Fund is one of the only fund raisers that will make the money go to the right places. Howard said that's true but Tom Chiusano was thinking of funneling some of the money to the families of the victims down in Washington DC as well as the families of the New York City employees who lost their lives in the disaster. Howard wants to keep the relief fund to what they originally agreed to though. That caller also got Howard talking about dogs because her dog was barking incessantly. Howard remembered his old dog Java who is now living with his ex-wife. Howard said he may get another dog sometime in the future but right now he just doesn't have time to take care of one. He thinks he'll be done with his radio career in a few years and then he'll settle down somewhere and get a dog.
Gary came in and started talking about how he can't whack off in front of his pet bird. Howard had said that he couldn't do it in front of his dog so Gary had to share his story. He revealed some stuff about how he masturbates that made Howard sick. Apparently Gary just jerks one right into his toilet. Gary also described how he watches the porn from his bathroom, which has 2 doors for some reason, and he just completes the act right into the toilet. Howard uses tissues himself so just the thought of Gary spanking one into his toilet made him sick. Howard was disgusted by the whole idea of that so he just ended the conversation and took a break.
After the break Howard said that Fred did a really funny bit about Gary during the commercial break. He tried to have him recreate it. Fred took a few sound effects and put them together to make up what Gary had described before the break. He played the sound effect that sounds like someone masturbating, then footsteps going to the bathroom, a door opening and then the spitting sound effect they use for masturbation bits and then a toilet flush and then another door closing. It was hilarious.
After that we heard Jim Forbes talking about how Jackie's writing job ended up going to Benjy. We heard from Benjy, Gary and Howard about how that all came about. Howard said they wanted to try someone out writing jokes and notes and Benjy was one of them. He said that Benjy tried it when Jackie was still there. Howard said Benjy got that slot on the show and it was well deserved. Benjy said that he is Jackie's replacement but not for what Jackie is known for. He didn't even know what Jackie did before he started there. He's not the guy who laughs on the show like Jackie was known for. He said he is basically his replacement though. That led into a show clip where Howard talked about a dream he had where he dreamt about his penis getting cut off and then getting reattached and then falling off. Here's some of what I had in my archives from that day:
Various Stuff. 4/23/01. 6:05am
Howard said that he's had a couple of dreams about his penis being sliced off. Benjy came in and tried to analyze the dream. He said that it's just Howard afraid of losing his power by getting castrated. Howard said that was the worst analogy he's ever heard and kicked Benjy out of the studio. He quickly moved on to something else.
Howard read an article about two 14 year old girls who are suing MTV because they were sprayed with fecal matter at a show called ''Dude, This Sucks''. In the show some guy in the Shower Rangers bends over, pulls down his pants and sprays fecal matter on a few people in the audience. Howard said MTV was just taping the show but they're getting sued over it because they have the money. The show will never air on MTV though. That's part of the deal with the girls.
After that clip we heard Jim talking about how Artie Lange appeared on the show in May of 2001. We heard from Artie talking about how he heard about Jackie leaving the show. He said he heard Doug sitting in on the show and he thought it would be fun to do that. Howard said he thought it would be great that Artie would do it. He said that he didn't think he'd be up for it. Artie talked about how his agent told him about pitching him for the job. Artie said that it was only $350 to sit in on the show and Artie said that he told him that he'd gladly pay them $350 to sit in. Artie said that he got the call back and Gary had said yes. His first day was May 7, 2001. Artie said he started pacing for like a week before he went in.
Scott DePace said that it was very special that day that they had Artie in. Artie talked about how he was trying to think about stuff to talk about on the show. Artie said he was really nervous but it worked out right from the beginning. Artie said he had done a lot of movies and TV shows before that and the first time he got on Howard he got tons of calls from old friends who didn't even know he was in show business. That led into a clip of Artie's first appearance. Here's what I had in my archives:
Various Stuff. 5/7/01. 6:05am
Comedian Artie Lange was sitting in this morning. Artie co-stars on ''Norm'' with Norm MacDonald. Robin said she almost hit him with her car as she was coming in this morning. He was crossing the street and she almost ran him over. She thought ''Oh, that looks like Artie Lange'' and kept driving. Then she finds out he's on the show this morning. She noticed that he's lost quite a bit of weight. She said he's ''svelte'' looking now. Artie says that he'll probably lose out on a bunch of parts because of this weight loss. Howard asked Artie about ''Norm'' and if he's still on the show. Artie said he's still on it but he's not sure if it's going to be on the air much longer. He said they'll find out in a couple of weeks but ''if they judge it by the ratings...'' then they're in trouble. Howard said he'd like to watch the show but he never gets the chance. Artie said they put it on Friday nights at 8:30 and there aren't many people around then to watch it.
Howard later spoke to Artie about working on ''Norm'' and what that's like. Artie said it's a great job. He said he gets like 12 lines a week and they're really easy to learn. He said he walks around the Warner Bros. Set and he can go over to check out Jennifer Aniston's ass over at the ''Friends'' set. He said there are a lot of hot chicks just walking around the set. Artie goes to the gym on the set and he can hang around hot chicks all day. The only problem is that no one recognizes him from ''Norm''. They've asked him if he works in the background of the show. They don't realize that he's a major character on the show.
Artie also shot his own pilot that was the worst show he's ever done. He said he was playing a bookie's runner and it was just awful. He said it was thrown together real quick and it wasn't that great. He said he got about $750,000 for the development deal.
After that clip we heard Robin talking about how Artie understood the show and how to be on it. She said you never worried about him doing something wrong. She said he always had great stories from the first time he was on the show. Robin said that he could do impressions and he was great doing those and the Godfather lines and all of that. Tom Chiusano said that it was like the show fit Artie like a glove.
Jason said that Artie was a big fan of the show and he was excited to be there. He said you have to be like that to fit in. Howard said Artie was easy. He said he never sat down with Artie and told him how to do the show. He said he never wants to have that conversation. He said if he had it would be a disaster.
Scott the Engineer said that Artie was great and that's why he was ultimately picked. Artie talked about how he was called into the office there and told that it was a home run for them. He said Gary wanted him to come back in the next week so he was back in. They played another clip from the week after Artie's first day there. Here's an excerpt from my archives:
Artie Lange's Touching Story Of Stern Show Compassion. 5/18/01. 9:45am
Howard said he heard that Artie Lange's father fell off a ladder and became a paraplegic. Artie told him he was actually a quadriplegic. He took a header off a ladder and broke his neck. Artie said they wanted to sue the ladder maker but his dad had stolen the ladder so that didn't work. Then his family wanted to do an auction of celebrity stuff to raise money to support them. Artie said they wrote away to celebrities and asked for something to auction off. Howard's show was the only one to respond to them. Artie said it was back in 1987 and Gary sent them an autographed jacket. They raised about $2000 for it. Howard wondered why Artie never told him that before. Artie said his family always told him to talk about it but he never got around to it.
Howard and Artie then started goofing around talking about how there could be an ''Artie Lange'' story movie. They did their best announcer voice and said things like ''..and Kathleen Turner as Artie's Father..'' and ''..Leah Remini as the long shoreman who told Artie 'You're gay'...'' Fred had sad piano music playing in the background the whole time they were goofing around with that.
After that they wrapped up the show for today. They ended it around 11:45am.
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Various Stuff. 8/20/01. 6:05am
Comedian Craig Gass (IHateComedians.com) was sitting in this morning. He's appearing at Caroline's Comedy Club in New York City this Wednesday.
Howard had a revelation this morning... He's been doing the same stupid job for a long time. He said he was walking down the hall and he realized he's been doing this job longer than most of the guys that he started out with. A lot of them are out of the business. Howard mentioned Meg Griffin and how she's still on radio but she's on satellite radio which isn't even in service yet. He spent a couple of minutes talking about that whole thing and how the receivers aren't even being produced yet. He said it's a weird business that's going to have a slow roll out. Howard said he's seen the studios these companies are using and there's a lot of money being pumped into it. But no one can hear it yet! The satellites are up and the studios are ready, they just need to get receivers out to the public.
After that clip we heard Jim Forbes talking about how Howard's satellite days were still years away. One of his guests wouldn't live that long. Hank the Dwarf died in 2001. Jim said that Hank had a triumph on the show on April 25, 2001. We heard Gary, Robin and Jeff Probst talking about that day when Hank beat Gary at Rock and Roll Trivia. Probst was talking about how Gary got beaten and how shocking that was. Gary said that Hank was falling off his stool that day because he was so drunk. That led into the show clip where they played the game. Here's what I had in my archives:
Hank Vs. Gary In Rock And Roll Trivia. 4/25/01. 9:15am
Hank the angry, drunken dwarf came in this morning to compete against Gary in Rock and Roll Trivia. Gary said Hank smelled worse than ever today. Gary also said he went to the bathroom during a break and as he walked by a stall he thought he saw someone kneeling at the bowl. It turned out it was Hank just standing at the bowl taking a leak. He's so short he looks like a guy kneeling.
Howard killed a few minutes by listening to a song he heard his music director playing in the hall. It's a remake of Peter Cetera's ''Glory of Love'' song that he thinks will be a huge hit. He played the whole thing and said he likes it. Robin didn't enjoy it though. When the chorus came in it sounded kind of gay to Gary. Howard never mentioned the name of the band but I've been told it's New Found Glory.
Howard finally got to the trivia game. He asked a total of about 30 questions alternating between Gary and Hank. Hank, who was extremely drunk, ended up beating Gary by a few correct answers. Gary is scheduled to appear on VH-1's Rock and Roll Jeopardy sometime in the near future so this was good practice. Here are a few samples of the questions they were asked:
John the Stutterer, another Rock and Roll trivia buff, called in and said he could beat Hank. The two of them ended up calling each other names and yelling at each other for a few minutes.
Through the whole game Hank was on the edge of his seat almost falling off because he couldn't keep his balance. Toward the end of the segment Howard had KC take Hank out of his chair and put him on the couch. At one point Hank put his head down and passed out. He fell asleep and started lightly snoring. Hank's manager, Doug Goodstein from E!, came in and said he's never seen Hank like that. Then they started talking about how Hank is in love with Doug's wife Marlo, who's really hot (check out HankTheDwarf.com under Hank's Posse for a pic), and he does some very inappropriate things when they go out to dinner. While Doug was talking about the things Hank does to Marlo, Hank awakened from his short nap. He said he'd never do anything to hurt Marlo. He then asked what time it was. Someone told him it was Saturday at 1am but he knew better. Howard told him it was February 2010 and that he's Rip Van Winkle.
A listener called in and told Howard that Hank's liver is failing and that's what caused him to pass out so quickly. He suggested that Hank go to a doctor and get his enzymes checked to see just how sick he really is.
Kendra Jade gave Hank a flash of her breasts and he got his second wind. He said that he was awake again after seeing that. Howard then wrapped up the segment and said that you can see Kendra at Al's Diamond Cabaret in Pennsylvania. Hank stuck around on the couch through the Robin's news.
After that clip we heard Jim talking about how Hank passed away on September 4, 2001. We heard from Howard who said they knew he was struggling with his alcoholism. He said it's sad and he misses Hank. Robin said Hank was miserable and he was drinking himself to death. She said that he never wanted to get sober and he drank to stop feeling as bad as he felt every day. She said he was willing to accept those consequences.
Doug Goodstein said he tried to stop Hank from drinking many times. He said he told him that he could just not drink so much but his response was that he didn't care and he wanted to die. Doug said he brought cocaine into drug rehab and snorted that there. He said Hank really didn't care. He knew he wasn't going to live to 40. He was right, he died at 39.
Benjy said that Doug was always worried about Hank but hank always seemed invincible. Richie Wilson said you knew that Hank wasn't going to live all that long so it was like a slow goodbye. Richie remembered the day he got the call from Doug about Hank dying. He said his whole day stopped for him. Doug remembered the day he got the call from Hank's mom. She told him that he died in his sleep the night before. Doug said he knew it was coming but he wishes it didn't happen when he was 39. He said it would have been nice if he had lived forever. He said his goal was to die by the time he was 40. That led into a show clip where Howard announced that Hank had died. Here's what I wrote that day:
Howard's Thoughts On Hank The Dwarf's Death. 9/5/01. 6:05am
Howard was complaining about his web browser first thing this morning. He can't figure out how to make his web pages readable.
Howard then announced the news that Hank the Dwarf died yesterday. Robin had no idea that he'd passed away so it was surprising news to her. Howard said he wants to do a funeral bigger than Aaliyah's recent funeral.
Doug Goodstein from E! was Hank's manager so he came in to tell Howard what he knew about Hank's death. He posted a letter on Hank's web site HankTheDwarf.com saying that he got word from Hank's mother that he died. Howard talked a little bit about Hank's heavy drinking and how he knows why a little person like Hank would drink since you get made fun of just about every day of your life. Doug told Howard that the show was the most important part of his life. Doug also said that he cried a lot after finding out about his death.
Howard said he told a bunch of people about Hank dying and each person told him about their favorite ''Hank Moment'' on the show. The most common favorite moment seems to be the show when Hank got a make-over. Robin said her favorite moment was when Hank went down dressed in a bunny outfit to goof on magician David Blaine while he was in the block of ice. Howard said his favorite Hank moment was at Doug's wedding when he was actually sober and the most boring, polite guy.
Howard said we all knew that Hank would pass away at an early age because of his drinking problem. Hank had talked about having an enlarged liver in the past and he'd been hospitalized multiple times. His last public appearance was this past Sunday with Beetlejuice. He was living life to the fullest right up to the end.
Howard had tape of Hank cutting IDs where he talks about being dead. They had him cut them because they knew he couldn't live that long. Each one started off ''Hey, this is Hank and I'm dead...'' He'd then go on to say something goofy. It was kind of chilling to hear them.
Doug Goodstein said that he's pretty sure that Hank's death was either directly or indirectly caused by his alcoholism even though we don't have an official cause of death yet. Doug went on to tell everyone when he last spoke to Hank and what happened over the weekend. During this part of the show Howard played the ''this is Hank and I'm dead'' clips so Hank is still entertaining us while he's dead. Doug said no one saw anything strange with Hank over the weekend. He was a little tired on Monday after his trip home from his appearance.
Beetlejuice called in to give his thoughts on Hank's death. He said he was sorry to hear the news. He actually seemed to understand that Hank was actually dead. He sounded like he was actually upset and maybe even crying over the news. Unfortunately his phone connection sucked and Howard had a tough time speaking to him. Howard asked Beetle if he'd be willing to give the eulogy for Hank but Beet couldn't hear him for some reason. Howard ended up talking to Beet's manager Sean instead. Sean said that Beet really was depressed after he heard the news about Hank. They had become friendly with each other recently so he really will miss Hank.
Various celebrities called in and told Howard their favorite Hank moments. Jessica Hahn, Tim Stack and High Pitch Erik all called in and gave their condolences during the show.
Howard also sang a version of ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' in remembrance of Hank.
After that clip we heard Doug talking about how nice Hank was. He said that he was nice and caring until he drank. Doug said the guy was a really nice and kind though. He said people would be shocked at how nice he was. He said he'd call people names and then he'd get off stage and go up to them and apologize. Doug said it was funny to see that and it was like his character. Richie Wilson said that Hank was great at remembering your birthday and things like that. He said he'd get you something stupid but he remembered. Richie said he was a great guy who smelled at times but he made the best out of life.
KC Armstrong talked about how he would have to move Hank around the studio when he was drunk. He said he was dead weight and he'd have to hold him up. He said he thinks he was sweating one day when he was moving him around.
Craig Gass said that Hank was his favorite guy. He remembered Gary telling him about Hank being in the green room one day so he went out to say hi to him. He said he said hi to Hank and Hank just looked at him. Ronnie told Hank that he was Al Pacino's baby and Hank just said ''that's not a baby'' and let out a belch of vodka.
That led into more audio of Howard's tribute to Hank. Then we heard from David Arquette about how great Hank was. Jason Kaplan said he got to spend about a month getting to know Hank before he died. Richie Wilson said he loved hanging out with Hank. He said they would put him in costumes and he'd forget that he had them on and he'd piss in them. He said when he died a huge part of the show went with him. That led into a show clip where Howard talked about the tribute to Hank that was out on the street. Here's what I had in my archives:
Death Explained To Gary The Retard. 9/5/01. 8:30am
Howard watched the Hank tribute they had out on the street and said that more and more people were leaving stuff there. Someone left a poem that read ''Roses are red, boats are made of teak, we're going to miss you, you little freak.''
Howard sang ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' again and this time Robin broke out in tears. She was watching the video feed of Hank's tribute and she saw a woman kiss her hand and then touch the Hank poster. That along with Howard's awful singing made her break out in tears.
Howard eventually changed subjects shortly before doing the news segment. He spoke about these shark attacks once again and said there's no reason we shouldn't just kill them all off. He took more calls about the subject like he did on yesterday's show and didn't let up on his opinion.
After that we heard Richie Wilson talking about how he almost cried when Hank died. He said seeing his tiny casket was really weird. He said that Hank made him laugh constantly and now he was dead. He said it was just weird. Benjy said the fans started building memorials to him out on the street. He said that High Pitch Eric was standing guard over the memorial and they had candles going. Jason talked about how they still have the cardboard cutout of Hank in the green room. Scott the Engineer said Hank was great and it's sad he had to die so young. He said he'll always be missed.
They played a show clip where Howard had Staind perform ''It's Been A While'' in the studio the day they were having the memorial for Hank. They went to break after that.
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World Trade Center Coverage. 9/11/01. 8:45am
Howard replayed a short interview he played the other day that Stuttering John did with Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson. After playing the clip Howard and the crew were talking about how hot Pam is and about some of the sexual experiences they've had throughout their lives. Howard had just told a story about a ''friend'' of his who rubbed one out while his date slept and he ended up leaving a mess on her ass. Howard's buddy Ralph then called in laughing like he'd heard the story before. He said he was the one who told Howard the story, that's why he was laughing. Anyway, Ralph called in to tell Howard that he could have gotten Pam the last time they hung out together. Ralph thinks Howard was just dumb and he should have just gone for it and banged her.
During this discussion Howard broke in with the news that the World Trade Center had been hit by an airplane. Ralph went to his window and saw that there was a huge fire over there. He ended up getting off the phone to go watch. Howard then spent the rest of the show watching news reports from the scene and taking calls from eyewitnesses. At one point Howard said he was speechless as he watched the fire burning in the World Trade Center.
After that we heard Robin talking about what she thought had happened that day. Scott DePace said that they didn't understand the importance of it at the time. Howard said he didn't know what it was either. He said that they got back to Pam Anderson and then it hit them what was going on. Robin and Howard talked about how they had a delayed reaction to what was really going on. Howard said they eventually realized what a big event it was.
Ronnie the Limo Driver said that Howard went from talking about Pam to talking about terrorism. Howard said there was some doubt in people's minds that it was terrorism. He said that there was a lot of excitement about that and where it was going to lead to. They played more of that segment where Howard and the guys were talking about Pam and the second plane hit. Here's more of what I wrote that morning:
World Trade Center Coverage. 9/11/01. 8:45am
As the morning went on Howard had live audio feeds from the CBS network that he let through over the air. Crazy Cabbie called in and was just about crying as he vented his frustration with the whole terrorism thing. He thinks that the President needs to take action as soon as possible and put a stop to terrorists around the world.
Howard's General Manager Tom Chiusano told Howard that staying on the air was a good idea to let people have an outlet. Howard thought about getting off the air shortly after all of this news broke but Tom convinced him to stay on the air. The phones were all tied up throughout the city so it was tough to take phone calls as the morning progressed. Cabbie stayed on the line and gave his eyewitness account of what he was seeing from his building in Brooklyn. He saw the collapse of the trade center buildings and you could hear his voice quivering as he described the collapse. Very scary stuff. Howard pretty much gave up control of his show and turned it over to the audio feed from CBS TV.
(Update: 4:45pm) Howard stayed on the air until approximately 12:15pm covering the news of the terrorist attacks. His coverage was pretty serious but there were still some light moments. He was doing such a great job that Tom Chiusano convinced him to stay until after noon. Luckily Howard's radio station wasn't close to the terrorist attacks so everyone was safe. Some employees left early to try and go home to loved ones. KC left the building because he didn't feel safe up on the 14th floor where the studios are based. Gary also left when he heard that traffic was able to leave the city. His family is located in Connecticut and he wanted to get home to them. During the CBS news coverage Howard called his loved ones and touched base with them to find out if everyone was okay. As of noon it sounded like his immediate family was all okay.
After that we heard Scott the Engineer talking about how unbelievable that day was. Fred said he was freaked out that day. He had no idea what was going on and neither did the President. Robin said that it was a weird feeling that day because nothing like that had happened before on American soil. She said that they were using airplanes as weapons and they were waiting for another one to fly into something else. Gary said that it took a while to understand what was going on and then they watched it on TV seeing the second plane. He said that's when they realized it was no accident. Scott DePace talked about how it was chaos around the station that day. They played another clip where Howard talked about the Pentagon attack later that morning.
In that clip Howard and the crew watched the news coverage of the Pentagon attack and spent some time discussing that.
After that we heard Gary talking about how scared he was that day. He said that Howard looked at him in the eye during the Pentagon thing and said ''We're under attack!'' and he realized that they were under attack. Howard said he always lived under the illusion that they were safe in America. He said he realized he was wrong that day. He said he remembers feeling that he was able to provide a service for people that day. Jason Kaplan talked about how people were calling in from all over with information about the whole thing. He said that he just sat at his desk and typed it up. He said he wasn't going to leave until someone told him to. Richie Wilson said they were told they could leave if they wanted to. He said most of them stayed because they had jobs to do.
Doug Goodstein said that they went from a Howard Stern broadcast to a Howard Stern newscast. Fred said that Howard said a lot of things that people were feeling that day. He did a tremendous job. Fred said he thinks that he did better than many other people could have done. Fred said that Howard was pretty much right on the money about what he was saying too. He said people stuck with Howard because he was going to tell it the way it was.
Vinnie Penn said that what struck him was about Howard's knowledge of Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. He said he was fully prepared to get into that stuff. Vinnie said it was surprising how much Howard knew when he was talking about all of that.
Richie Wilson said Howard was a genius that day. He said he handled it better than any newscaster could have that day. Richie said there were people down there calling in and Howard had a calmness in the chaos. He said Howard called out bin Laden's name that day. Gary said Howard was right on it and it was kind of scary. That led into more of the show audio where Howard took a call from Cabbie. That was in the clip I posted above. They went to break after playing that short clip.
Howard's sister Ellen said Howard did such a great job that day. She said she was very proud of him that day. Howard said he wasn't sure if he should stay on the air that day because he wanted to get off the air and speak to his parents and his kids. He said he kept asking Tom Chiusano if he wanted him to continue with the show. Howard said it was all very impromptu and unplanned. Richie Wilson said that no one was really panicking that day. He said they just wanted to get the information out there. Tom Chiusano said he was the one looking at the TV when the first tower started to collapse. He said he didn't know what else to say other than ''Oh my god...'' That led into the show audio where they watched the first tower collapsing.
In the clip Zolar had just called in when they saw the footage of the building collapsing. They went to a news broadcast that was on and watched their coverage. They all sounded like they were in shock over what was going on as they listened to the news coverage. The crew all talked about what was going on with that and the Pentagon. Dominic Barbara said he heard about another plane that might be out there. Cabbie called back in and told them that the second building had just crumbled in front of them. They were listening to the sirens around Cabbie who was out on the street. Howard said he's not sure what good they are on the air. Tom Chiusano said that it was a place for people to come and have an encounter session. Howard said he'd stay on the air for a while longer. Cabbie described what he was seeing from his location. Howard told Gary he could head home if he wanted. Tom said Howard could leave too and they'd fill in for him.
Doug Goodstein called in and told them what he saw from his building. Doug said he was thinking about all of the people on the ground who were near there. He said they have to be gone. Doug said that the President is a softie too. Howard said he didn't want to jump the gun on that yet. The guys discussed what was going on and tried to figure out why anyone would want to attack us like that. Robin said there are people cheering for this around the world. She said that's who we should be going after. Cabbie told them that he could see an F-15 flying around ready to take out any other planes that are flying around.
After that clip we heard Howard, Gary, Vinnie Penn, Fred and Scott the Engineer talking about the towers collapsing. They all talked about how shocking that scene was to them. That led into another show clip where they were listening to more of the news coverage right before the second tower collapsed.
In the clip they watched the second tower fall. They discussed that and then took some phone calls and discussed what was going on. They were all wondering why we were being attacked. Howard was saying he wants them to just level out the country where bin Laden is from. Howard said he's just saying the way he feels and he doesn't care how it sounds.
After that clip Gary said that he could just about cry talking about this. He said it makes him really sad just thinking about it. Robin said that they destroyed two landmarks from the New York City skyline and it was devastating. Fred said he was hoping that no one was in the buildings. Gary said they had no idea how many people had died that day. He said that the buildings were down in an hour and a half.
They played another show clip were KC asked if anyone could even breathe in that dust. Howard said he doesn't think so. Ronnie said his daughter-in-law was in her office wearing a gas mask. A caller had said that it looked like a volcano from where he was in New Jersey. Howard said they're lucky that a nuclear device wasn't dropped on the city. He said they have to do something and kick some serious ass.
Scott the Engineer said that things got very angry at some points. Scott DePace said that everyone was just saying what was on their minds. He said that it was real powerful that they were doing that on the air. Gary and Howard commented on all of that before we heard more of the show coverage from that day.
They played more audio from the show where Howard and the guys were listening to news coverage of what was going on that morning. They heard about the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania. They kept talking to Cabbie who was still on the line. Howard took some other phone calls as well. The callers were telling him to stay on the air since they had Cabbie and Doug with their views of what was going on.
After that we heard from Tom Chiusano and Howard about how they thought it was best for them to stay on the air. Howard said it wasn't well though out, they just went with it as it was going on.
They played another show clip where Howard came back from break and talked about going to call a few people. Gary said he did the same. Howard didn't even know what to do. He said Tom told him he should keep doing it even though he didn't want to be on the air. He said he had just called his daughter and talked to her about what was going on. Howard got Cabbie back on the phone and talked to him about some of the other stuff that was going on. Cabbie filled Howard in on all of the news he was hearing. Howard got back to the TV coverage they were watching in the studio. He listened in on the coverage they had about the crashes.
After that we heard from Gary and Howard again. They were talking about how proud people were of that broadcast. Tom Chiusano said he sends Howard an email every year about that broadcast. He said that was the day Howard really stamped himself with greatness. That led into more show audio where Cabbie was on the phone telling Howard what he's heard people saying about how we deserve this kind of thing. Gary then came in and said that he was going to head out. Howard was ready to head out too. Howard said there must have been some significance in the Arab world that led to this. Benjy told Howard about how the Mayor had seen people jumping out of the World Trade Center to their deaths shortly after the first crash. Howard said he was devastated by this and he was going to just wait and see what goes on. Howard said this was a great day in the Arab lands and they were cheering about all of this. Howard said he hopes this is the wake up call and we do something about this. He said it's time to free the world of terrorists. He said we'll have to do it in a devastating way. Howard said they don't know who is dead in their personal lives yet. Howard said this will go on regularly if we don't do something. He said he hopes we release a holy war on our enemies who just ripped us a new a-hole. Howard wrapped up and ended the 9/11 show a short time later. That led into a commercial break for History of Howard Stern.
The Day After. 9/12/01. 6-7am
Crazy Cabbie was in sitting in the studio this morning. Howard said that he's not even sure why he came in this morning after the World Trade Center disaster. Howard said he did get a call from someone who told him that Scores was okay after the whole mess.
Howard and Crazy Cabbie talked about how strange the city was yesterday and this morning after all that happened. Cabbie said there were literally no cars on 6th avenue this morning and you never see that. Howard said he went home and got worked up over the whole situation and wanted to go kill someone.
Howard gave Cabbie praise for what he did during the show yesterday. His eyewitness accounts of the destruction were great and Howard let him know that.
After that clip we heard Howard talking about how he never thought about leaving the city. He said he went out for a run that day. He said that it was an eerie backdrop but he wasn't afraid and he didn't want to leave. He said he just went on with his day.
Ben Stern talked about how Howard did his job by providing stability. Ben said that Howard was very even keel about it all. He said the next day he went right back to work. Ray Stern said that Howard was needed and she's very proud of the way he conducted himself.
Governor Patacki talked about how much fear there was in the country and they had to move beyond that fear. He said that Howard helped people do that. Patacki said that Howard wanted to go back to work and didn't run off to hide anywhere. He said that sent a message that they were going to be fine. Gary talked about walking to work that morning and how weird it was out there in the city. That led into more audio from the show where Howard was talking to Cabbie about how jacked up he was and how he went out running.
After that we heard Robin talking about some cops seeing her coming over the bridge to get back to work. She said she saw the ash all over the streets and the giant hole in the city. She said they just had to keep going and do what they do every day. Fred said he walked to work and saw the debris in the streets. He said it was an incredible silence there too. He said that he was living in the city during one of the biggest tragedies in their history. He said he had to keep going and get back to work.
Artie Lange talked about how he was supposed to be sitting in that morning. He said that Howard did a show that day and he was proud to be there. Benjy Bronk said it was like a ''fuck you, we're still doing this'' and they just kept working. That led into more show audio where Howard talked about what happened to Robin. Here's what I had in my archives:
The Day After. 9/12/01. 9-10am
To lighten the mood again Howard and Robin talked about how she got home yesterday. Robin's driver took off before she was ready to leave yesterday so she didn't have a ride home. She stuck around the station most of the day and didn't have anywhere to stay. At around two o'clock she saw sad-sack Scott the Engineer getting ready to leave. She asked him for a ride back to New Jersey so she could try and get home from there. Scott was giving Steve the Engineer (Wood Yi) a ride home also so she was stuck with both of them. Robin said Scott's car stinks like cigarettes and there were ashes all over the floor. She said ''Wood Yi'' has trouble breathing so he was coughing half the time they were driving home. The whole story was hilarious. Robin wanted to avoid going all the way back to Scott's house so she asked to be dropped off at the Paramus Mall. Scott actually left her there but Scott's wife found out and picked her up. Robin said she was ''rescued'' by Scott's wife because she still didn't have a ride home. She ended up back at Scott's house and eventually agreed to take one of their cars to drive home in. Their ''gray car'' was the one she'd gotten the ride to the mall in. She said that something was rolling around in the back of the car but she was afraid to open the trunk because she thought it might be a body or something. It turns out it was a bowling ball. Scott said he was supposed to go bowling last night but when he showed up at the alley the place was dark. He didn't know why. Howard and the crew made fun of him because it's not like CNN is going to announce that Scott's bowling league was canceled that night. Howard said that goofing on Scott made him feel much better today. Robin told Howard that even Scott's dog doesn't like him. She said the dog growled at him when he went near it.
After that clip we heard Fred talking about how KC ran out of the studio on 9/11. He said that he's this strong, tough guy and he ran out. Fred said that KC saw a dangerous situation and got out of Dodge. KC said that he got very angry and it took away some of the anger when they were goofing on him. That led into a show clip where they talked about KC running out. Here's what I wrote that day:
Day Three. 9/13/01. 6:01am-7am
KC showed up this morning. The other day he ran out of the building and out to Long Island to get away from the city. When he came in the studio Howard told him that he needs to put on a dress this morning because he's such a little girl for running away. Robin was really harsh on him and the two of them went at each others throats for a couple of seconds. KC sounded very angry and told Robin to ''SHUT UP!'' a few times.
Howard said he thought about leaving the city last night after he got scared again. This time it was the smell of burning plastic that freaked him out and made him think that his own building was on fire. It was just the smoke from the other smoldering buildings making its way up toward his building. He never did get out of the city last night though.
KC continued to defend himself for leaving the city as everyone called him names. Everyone else on the show stayed around and did the show the next day while KC was hanging out on Long Island. Even Tom Chiusano came in and told KC that it would have been the ''professional thing'' to do because their job is to get information out to people. It turns out KC was getting a tan on his way into the city last night. That set people off even more and it was constant yelling and joking about KC. Howard told him he might be cowardly but he looks good.
KC made a good point when he said that Howard was thinking about not coming in on Wednesday. That didn't stop the goofing though. Robin was the worst though. Her high-pitched, screeching voice was like a police siren as she yelled ''Pansy, Pansy'' and other little digs. She was relentless. Even I wanted her to shut up. KC said he wanted to choke her for all of the goofing. Robin said she's not afraid of him though. She said she could just say ''boom'' and he'd run away like the little girl he is. The conversation continued for a good 40 minutes. Gary eventually came in with a dress and shoes for KC to wear. KC took the dress and ripped it. He doesn't have a sense of humor according to Robin.
Howard took a break and had Gary the Retard on the phone to explain to him what was going on in New York City. Gary the retard said he heard 150 people were missing but Howard had to explain to him that it was more like 10,000. Robin had to ask Gary if he would have stayed in the city or run home like KC did. Gary said he would have stayed and helped Howard out.
After that we heard Benjy talking about how they came back the next day and the next and the next. Robin said that a lot of entertainers didn't go on right away. She said they continued to broadcast live every day. She said they never had any transition time. Artie Lange said that David Letterman and Jon Stewart were credited with helping people laugh but it was 3 weeks later. Howard was there that day and the next. Howard said that Letterman and Jon Stewart weren't there because they didn't know how to talk to the audience during that. Howard said he just did it. He said that he likes how they say that Dave and Jon helped people laugh after that but they weren't there right away. That led into another show clip where Howard talked about Leno, Letterman, Jon Stewart, Conan O'Brien and Craig Kilborn all taking off because they didn't know how to handle the situation. Here's what I wrote that day:
The Week After Begins. 9/17/01. 6:05am
Howard talked about how all of the late night guys like Leno, Letterman and Jon Stewart don't know what to do with their shows. Leno apparently asked for advice from Johnny Carson who told him to ''go slowly'' and not joke about the President right now. He told him to stick to Viagra jokes and crap like that instead. Howard said the real answer is to just go on and, for once in their lives, talk from their hearts. Howard thinks they should talk about what they think the country needs to do.
After that show moment we heard Fred talking about how they felt more loose after the shock wore off but he's not sure how long after that it was. Fred said people were in a state of shock. He said things weren't going to be the same but they could start loving again. Fred said you can't forget that day, you just can't.
Robin talked about how they were still joking until the towers fell that day. She said that humor naturally showed up where it would. She said that people still use humor to get through tragedy. Gary said you have to laugh, that's just what they do. Howard said that the show is like real life or as close as he can get it. He said that humor doesn't leave you. He said that you use it when you're grieving and it's a way to get over something like that. Howard said the show is successful because of moments like that. Howard said they didn't go dark for 2 weeks during that.
Jim Forbes said the show came up with a relief fund and raised money for the victims. Gary said they raised $4 million. Howard said that everyone would have done that if they were able. He said that the whole thing was mind blowing and he had to do that. Robin said that a lot of people lost family members on that day. Robin said that everyone was angry about it and it was one of those times when New Yorkers didn't just sit on their hands. They did something. That led to another show clip where Howard gave out the information for his relief fund charity. Here's what I wrote that day:
Various Stuff. 9/20/01. 6:05am
Howard said that someone, who will remain unnamed, told him it would be a good idea for him to go down to the World Trade Center disaster area and shake hands with the workers. Howard thinks that's unnecessary to do because those guys working down there are actually working and they don't need him getting in their way. Howard wanted to so something to help out so he planned to have a special phone number set up where his fans could make donations. As he was getting ready to announce it he found out the phone number wasn't set up yet so he had to bail out on the whole discussion. They had a P.O. box set up but Howard didn't care about that. He wanted the phone number today. General Manager Tom Chiusano came in and said that he was working on getting the number set up and they should have it by tomorrow... maybe. Howard joked that it's just like everything else around that station and nothing gets done quickly.
After that we heard Gary talking about how Mayor Giuliani was going around trying to get money for a charity and he asked them to get him on the show to get this $4 million check. That led to him coming in. Gary said it Giuliani was like a god a month after 9/11. Robin said that a lot of people stayed away from them until they were out of office. She said Rudy was courageous in that way. Robin said that he felt very appreciative and came in to get the check in person. Fred said it was like the ending of a chapter in a book. A very bad chapter in a book. Gary said that it gave the show a ton of credibility. Gary said that having him come gave them closure on the whole thing. He said it was a good feeling on a lot of levels. He said it was one of the show's prouder moments. Robin said it was time to get back to normal and laugh again. That led into the show clip where Howard gave that check to Mayor Giuliani. Here's what I wrote that day:
Mayor Giuliani Comes In. 10/12/01. 7:30am
Mayor Rudolph Giuliani came in this morning to accept the money that Howard raised with his disaster relief fund. Howard was overcome with emotion when Rudy came in and he claimed that he was almost tearing up as he thought about the events of September 11th. That didn't seem to last very long though. He moved on to talk to Rudy about the money that he raised and how it will go to help the families of the public workers who lost their lives in the disaster. Giuliani will be in charge of the fund even after he leaves office.
Howard has always been a supporter of Giuliani's and he made sure to point that out this morning. He's so impressed with the job he's done so far that he wants to run for mayor himself and then just put Rudy back in his rightful place as Mayor of New York City. Giuliani said that's not a good idea though. Howard might get stuck with the job himself and he doesn't want that responsibility.
Giuliani also spoke about his fight with cancer and said that he seems to have beaten it. He said if all of this stuff had happened last year at this time, he probably wouldn't have been able to do the job he's done.
Howard pointed out that it seems that Giuliani never takes a vacation like the President does. Giuliani said he would take a vacation at a Camp David-like place if one existed in the area. Rudy said that he is a big supporter of the President and he doesn't have a problem with him vacationing at Camp David.
Howard told Giuliani that he didn't want to keep him too long so he wrapped up the interview after bringing in Jodi from his radio station's promotions department. Jodi wanted to thank Rudy for everything he's done because she lost someone in her family. It sounded like she was on the verge of crying as she thanked him. Howard thanked his ''highness'' as he ended the interview. Rudy didn't want to be called ''your highness'' because he doesn't think of himself that way. Howard said you can still donate to this fund.
After that we heard Howard thanking the crew that put together this special. He thanked all of the people who took place in the project and took time to sit and talk about him. Howard said he really does appreciate it. They're already in production for Act V. They wrapped up and ended the special around 9:55am.