For The Week Of 5/8/2000 to 5/12/2000

• Various Stuff. 5/8/00. 6:05am
  The studio was so hot when Howard started the show that he had to have the E! guys shut down the lights. He's complained about this problem in the past and nothing gets done about it.

  Howard spent a little bit of time talking about seeing Cardinal John O'Connor displayed in his casket this weekend. He said his head looks like it won't fit in the casket when they bury him. He and Robin also said it looked like his legs were missing. It may have just been the angle they were seeing him at though.

  A listener called in and questioned Howard about why he uses tissues to get rid of his ''stuff'' after he masturbates. The caller said that he uses his favorite rag to dispose of his stuff. That led to a discussion between all of the guys about how they get rid of their stuff. Stuttering John says that he usually uses whatever clothing he has lying around his bed. He also told Howard that sometimes he'll just finish himself off on his stomach and pull his underwear up high and sleep on it. Everyone agreed that John is just disgusting. He says he wouldn't know how to explain used tissues to his wife if she found them next to the bed. John said that he sometimes does himself while his wife is sleeping in the bed too. He said that he hopes that if she wakes up to the bed rocking that she'd think he was petting his cat. Gary said he prefers tissues. He admitted that he's actually masturbated in front of other women in his life. Howard said he's never done that and he never even admitted that he did it to his wife. He said now he'd probably do it in front of a woman if she asked. Some of the guys also talked about where they've had sex. John said that he's had oral in a taxi and in a bar. He also said he had sex in a hotel hot tub with people sitting around the pool drinking. He thinks that no one saw him do it but Gary thinks that everyone around him knew what he was up to and John is just too dopey to realize it. Gary said that he's had sex in an elevator but no one saw it happen. He also said he did it with one girlfriend while he thought his friends were sleeping nearby. He said the next day 4 of his friends said they heard what happened and thought it was pretty cool. Fred said he's done it in a cab and on the beach but didn't get into much detail.

• Miranda Gets Naked For Howard. 5/8/00. 7:35am
  A couple from the San Francisco area showed up at the station to meet Howard this morning. The woman, Miranda, said she'd do anything to meet Howard. Howard thought about some things that she could do but he eventually just had her come in the studio. Howard said she was dressed like a hippie wearing a tank top. She told Howard that she and her boyfriend run a pet sitting business and are able to listen to the show the whole morning. She said they can gross about $85,000 a year doing what they do. After a couple of minutes talking to her Howard finally had her get naked for him. Howard guessed her age to be around 33 but she said that she's only 28. She took her clothes off and Howard noticed a nasty looking tattoo near her ass. He said it looked like she crapped her pants and forgot to wipe. Howard and the gang tried to guess whether or not she'd be a hairy chick when she took her thong underwear off. Howard figured she'd be pretty hairy but when she took them off he was surprised to see just a thin landing strip of hair. After seeing Miranda naked Howard guessed her age at being 38. He may have been joking. Howard had her put her shirt back on before he let her come over to give him a hug.

• More Stuff. 5/8/00. 7:50am
  Extreme Fan Bobo called in with a quick question for Robin this morning. He asked her what she plans on doing if and when Howard leaves radio. Robin said she really hasn't thought about it yet so she doesn't really have any idea at this time. Bobo had other questions but Howard hung up on him before he could ask them.

  Big Black called in with tape of Access Hollywood talking about the recent Kathie Lee CD signing where someone dumped a bag full of rats on her desk. They included a comment Howard made about the situation in their report. Howard had said that he didn't think it was right for anyone to dump rats on her like that.

  Howard read part of an article that discussed celebrities who are missing fingers. It mentioned Telly Savalas, James Doohan, Darryl Hannah, Boris Yeltsin and Jerry Garcia. The article didn't give the details of how they lost their fingers though. They made jokes instead. Howard thought it would be cool to find out just how they lost their digits.

• Savanna From Scores Calls In. 5/8/00. 8:25am
  Savanna, one of Howard's favorite Scores dancers, called in to ask Howard when he's going to Scores again. Howard had been talking about it a little earlier in the morning. Savanna is only there until the 27th so she wants to make sure Howard comes in before then. Savanna broke some bad news to Howard this morning. She said that she recently shot a movie over in France. It turns out that it's a porno with some guy named Rocco. Howard thought that Savanna was beyond that and would never be in a porno. She told Howard that the movie is all anal and this guy Rocco has a huge penis so it was very painful. She also said that her husband showed up at one point during the middle of an anal sex scene and ended up shaking this guy's hand while he was in the middle of it. Savanna said that she enjoys having anal sex but this guy was getting pretty rough with her. She said that he even slapped her around during a scene. A few listeners called in and told Howard that this guy Rocco does stuff like spit on women when he's having sex with them. Savanna said he didn't do that to her though. He just slapped her after she whimpered a little bit while he was banging her. She moaned for him to stop and he slapped her face between his hands a few times. Another caller told Howard that this guy actually broke a woman's arm during a scene one time. Howard found most of this stuff hard to believe.

  One caller said that he was on the set and Savanna had an ''accident'' because she hadn't cleaned herself out enough. She said that wasn't true though. She told Howard that she cleaned herself out with an enema before the scenes were shot. She also gave Howard a little demonstration of what she sounded like during the sex. Howard was getting into it but she stopped about 5 seconds in. Savanna has a pretty open marriage with her husband and said that she could probably have sex with Howard as long as she told her husband that she was going to do it. Gary asked her what she'd do if her husband wanted to be with another woman. She said that she's like to think that she'd be invited to join in. She said she'd be pretty devastated if he went out and did another woman without letting her know about it. You can see Savanna and her husband having sex at her web site.. SavannaMakeMe.com

• Favorite Sexual Positions Discussed. 5/8/00. 9:30am
  Howard and the crew were talking about Jackie's wife and how flirty she is with Howard. Howard was asked if he'd have sex with Nancy if she wanted to. Howard said he wouldn't do that to Jackie unless Jackie said it was okay. That led to everyone talking about sex and which position is their favorite. Howard said that he likes to do a woman from behind because he likes to see her ass, back and hair. He also joked that he doesn't want to see the woman laughing at him. Stuttering John said his favorite is to have the woman on top of him so he can see everything in front of him. Robin said that the missionary position is fine for her but she enjoys any position. Jackie didn't really have a favorite. Everything is good for him. Fred joked that he likes his woman ''..tied up, ball in mouth.'' Somehow the subject changed to Fred's dog and how he used to bring pictures of the dog with him when he'd go on vacation. Gary pointed that out to Howard years ago but today he said that Jackie was the one to pointed it out to him. Jackie tried to pretend that he didn't remember so Fred wouldn't kill him but he eventually caved in and said that he seems to remember laughing so hard that he was crying as he told Gary about it. He'd seen 2 framed pictures of Fred's dog in his hotel room and told Gary about it. Gary then told Howard and Howard eventually saw it for himself. Everyone said that they don't even bring pictures of their wives with them when they go away and Fred had 2 pictures of his dog. That is weird behavior. Fred said he just did it to make his hotel room seem more home-like.

• Various Stuff. 5/9/00. 6:05am
  Howard was complaining about the heat in the studio once again first this morning. He said it's not just at work that he has trouble with air conditioning, it doesn't work at his apartment either. He's not happy about that.

  Howard said he had a long day after the show because he went out to visit his kids on Long Island yesterday afternoon. He said it took way to long because of traffic and he didn't have much time to spend with them before he had to come back to the city. Then he had trouble getting to sleep so he was going to masturbate to tire himself. He was having trouble the other day and again last night. He said it was like pulling a rubber band.. nothing was happening. He told Robin that he took an online test at SimplicityOnline.com that tells you if you're depressed and according to the test, he is very depressed. He thinks that's why he can't pleasure himself. He said the test is made for women but men can take it too. He said he got 66 points on the test and that's pretty bad. It told him he was ''Bluer than blue.''

  After that he decided to put on some porn to try and get excited. Gary had given him an interactive DVD called ''Diana Lauren Presents Interactive Mind Teaser'' so Howard tried it out. He said the DVD instructed him to hit some button on his DVD player that didn't exist so he was hitting buttons to try and fast forward. It didn't work and some woman comes on the screen and tells him he doesn't know what he's doing. He eventually got fed up with it and destroyed the DVD. He moved on to watch the ''Erotic Witch Project'', a porn take off on ''The Blair Witch Project''. He said the women in it are all pigs and he was having a problem getting off on that also. He eventually got to a scene that got him excited and was able to complete his task. He said he doesn't recommend either movie.

• Goofing On Peter Frampton's New CD. 5/9/00. 7:15am
  Howard was talking about how Pete Townshend has announced his ''final tour'' with The Who like 8 times in the past 20 years. He said that he should be arrested for false advertising. Gary told Howard that he went to one of the final tours back in 1982 and they've had quite a few since then. Howard also brought up Peter Frampton who's putting out a CD called ''Live In Detroit'' which sounds exactly like the music he put out in the '70's. He played a couple of tracks and said they're exactly the same songs. The song ''Do You Feel Like I Do'' has been extended from 11 minutes to 17 minutes. Howard fast forwarded through most of it until he got to the talk box part. He just wanted to hear that part of the song for some reason.

• Bruce Vilanch Comes In. 5/9/00. 8:00am
  Comedian/writer Bruce Vilanch came in this morning to plug some performances he's doing at the Westbeth Theatre in New York City through June 10. The show is called ''Almost Famous''. Bruce is an openly gay man so most of the interview was spent talking about that. Bruce can be seen on the new ''Hollywood Squares'' as a regular. Howard says that Bruce's bio claims that he's responsible for most of the funny stuff that happens in Hollywood. He takes credit for many of the funny jokes that happen on the Academy Awards shows. He writes many of the jokes that Billy Crystal tells on the show. Bruce told Howard that there's a whole team that writes jokes. He doesn't mind taking credit for them because he doesn't get a lot of money when he writes for the show. He said it's a big, important job but they don't pay him a lot. He's been doing it for about 12 years now.

  Howard asked Bruce, who's a large man, if he's going to lose weight so that he can pick up more guys. Bruce said he's not planning on doing that and he's having no problem picking up guys. He said now that he's on Hollywood Squares he doesn't have any trouble getting guys. His appeal is broadening now. Howard asked him if he's had any relationships with famous people. Bruce said he has but he'd have to think about names. He never revealed any of the people he has had sex with. Howard asked him if he ever did Gilbert Gottfried who's a regular on 'Squares. Bruce said that he's pretty sure that Gilbert likes women.

  Howard asked Bruce if he gets much hate mail for being openly gay on Hollywood Squares. Bruce said that he gets mail asking him why he has to be ''so gay'' on the show. They don't like the fact that he talks about it so much but Bruce said that's part of his life so he talks about it.

  Howard brought up a couple more things that Bruce takes credit for. He's responsible for the Ted Danson in black face incident when he was at the Whoopi Goldberg roast. He said he told Ted and Whoopi that it was a career ending move but they went ahead and did it. He also takes credit for David Letterman bombing on the Academy Awards.

  Bruce told Howard that he had his first gay experience when he was around 10 or 11 years old. He's an adopted child but doesn't think that his being gay has anything to do with that.

  Howard guessed that Bruce is probably the ''man'' of his relationships. He said that he would probably be the ''pitcher'' and not the ''catcher'' in the relationship. Bruce told him he was right. He told Howard that he enjoys giving oral sex to guys also.

  Howard took a couple of phone calls before Bruce left and Gay Ramone was one of them. He wanted Howard to show Bruce a picture of him but he didn't get around to that.

• Savanna From Scores Comes In. 5/9/00. 9:00am
  Howard's favorite stripper from Scores, Savanna, dropped in to say ''hi'' this morning. She called in yesterday and told Howard about her experience shooting a porno. Howard asked her if she was afraid of getting any diseases when she shot the movie. She said that they're tested for AIDS that morning so she's not afraid of it.

  Gary came in and told Howard that Savanna has a younger sister who does nude stuff with her. Howard checked out some pictures of her. Savanna said her parents don't know that her sister is doing this stuff either. Howard told Savanna that she's looking really good. KC said that she looks kind of like Britney Spears. He said he'd even sleep with her which is unusual for him because he usually tries to stay away from ''dirty'' chicks who bang a lot of guys.

  KC had a Sex True - False game to play so Howard asked Savanna to play Strip-True-False. Howard said that if she got a question wrong she'd have to remove one article of clothing. She said she was only wearing one article.. her dress. So basically, if she got one wrong, she'd be naked. Perfect! Here are some of the questions that KC asked:

  • King Tut slept with over 30 women in Vermont - False
  • When a man's testicles are hit, his voice gets higher and the sperm count goes down - False
  • Menstrual cramps can sometimes help induce an orgasm - True
  • Most women are likely to commit adultery when ovulating - True
  • White women and women with a college degree are more likely to have anal sex - True
  • Australian women are very likely to have sex on the first date - True
  • In ancient Egypt if a man were to walk around with an arousal he would be reprimanded by the Pharaoh - False
  • A man's penis will not only shrink when cold but also when he is watching his favorite sports team - True
  • An avocado rubbed on a woman's private parts will help induce pregnancy - False
  Savanna answered the first 2 questions wrong so her dress came off quickly. When she got one right How3ard would let her put her dress back on. She took it off and put it on about 4 times during the game. She was sporting dual pierced nipples and a belly chain. She also claims that her private parts are pierced but didn't show that to Howard. Savanna said that she'll be appearing at Silk Stockings up in Groton, Connecticut on May 10th and 11th as the featured dancer. She's still dancing at Scores too. You can find out more about her at SavannaMakeMe.com

• Fred's Disappearing Act. 5/9/00. 9:20am
  Fred was missing from the studio around 9:20 this morning. Howard wondered where he was. Gary told Howard that Fred had something personal to do but he must not have told Howard about it. He told Gary but didn't tell anyone else. He didn't tell Jackie, who sits right next to him, and he didn't tell Howard. Scott the Engineer was sitting in to do Fred's job of playing commercials and crap. Howard just said ''..so weird'' and reminded everyone that Fred is the one who got married and didn't invite anyone from the show. He had his plumber to his wedding but not the people he works with. Let's not forget that he changed his name from Fred Norris to Eric Fred Norris.. and didn't tell anyone about it for years.

• Various Stuff. 5/10/00. 6:05am
  Howard started off the show telling Robin that his agent told him that he's being beat in the ratings by Mark and Brian out in Portland, Oregon. Howard said that now he's going to have to remind the people in Portland that those two are douche bags. He thinks that he didn't let the fans in Oregon know how those two are just rip-offs of him.

  Crazy Cabbie called in and told Howard about the Nine Inch Nails concert he went to last night. Howard wanted to go to the concert but it was too late for him. Cabbie told him how great the event was. When Cabbie told Howard that A Perfect Circle was the opening act he went off on Maynard, who's also in the band Tool, because he says they screwed him on the ''Private Parts'' soundtrack album. He's glad he didn't have to sit through their opening act.

  The subject of DJ Booker came up also. Booker is a DJ on Howard's station who got a job on MTV and now he's hanging out with Britney Spears. They discussed him for a few minutes and Howard checked out his web site at ChrisBooker.com. Cabbie said that there's a goofy picture of Booker there but by the time Howard got to the Gallery the site was crashing.

  Cabbie told Howard that Cane, the guy he works for on Howard's station, got an interview with Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails. Howard said that Trent does interviews with everyone but him. He changed his tune when Gary said that he's a boring interview so they're not missing out on much. Howard knows that he's banged a lot of chicks though so that's one reason to talk to him. Howard said when he went to some strip clubs out in Cleveland, Ohio all of the strippers told him that they were Trent's girlfriend. They couldn't have all been lying.

• Porn Star Houston Calls In. 5/10/00. 6:05am
  Houston the porn star called in to talk about a recent incident that happened at a strip club she was at. She was dancing at a club where they don't allow full nudity and it was raided on Saturday night. She said that the club was being staked out all last week by undercover cops looking for full nudity. When the raid happened she was questioned and her stuff was searched but she wasn't arrested. She claims that she didn't show anything that night but wouldn't comment on the rest of the week. Howard thinks that she was showing off her new labia because she just had a labiaplasty operation a few weeks ago. She told Howard that she's getting the labia that was removed and she'll be auctioning it off on a new auction site called EroticBid.com. She looked in to doing it on eBay.com but it's illegal to sell body parts on there. She doesn't know how but her labia have been preserved. She hasn't picked them up yet so she wasn't sure about what they did to it. Crazy Cabbie, who was still on the phone, said they're probably in formaldehyde. Cabbie was asking Howard if Houston would have sex with him. Howard eventually asked Houston if she would and she said ''No!'' She told Howard that she doesn't know who he is and he seems very angry. This is a woman who did a gang bang movie where she had sex with 620 guys.. Howard couldn't believe that she was cutting Cabbie off. Howard told her that the next time she comes in she should meet Cabbie. She doesn't even want to do that. He told her he'd like to do oral on her but she's not into that. She just thinks he's just too angry.

  Houston is off to Poland this morning to get a ''Best Actress'' award from some porn organization there. She's getting the key to the city for some unknown city and an award. She'll also be visiting the graves of two dead soldiers or something like that. I'm sure we'll hear more about it when she comes back. Meanwhile you can check out Houston at either of the following web sites. KarasXXX.com and HoustonChannel.com

• Howard Wins Lottery! 5/10/00. 7:15am
  Howard got a couple of Big Game lottery tickets yesterday so he was checking the numbers this morning. He won!... a dollar. He had the ''big money ball'' number so he won a whole dollar.

  The subject soon changed and Howard and Gary went at each other over who's better at sports. Gary plays in a softball team and Howard said he'd like to play. Gary asked him how good he was and Howard said he's played a few games recently with the guys from his gym. For the next 15 minutes they argued about who was good at sports and who wasn't. Howard argued that he beat Gary in tennis off camera but Gary beat him on camera. Gary said the off camera game didn't count.

• James Woods Comes In. 5/10/00. 8:05am
  Actor James Woods came in to promote a Showtime movie he's in called ''Dirty Pictures''. The movie airs May 27 at 9pm. Before James came in Robin had made a comment about him not being that attractive but once he came in she changed her tune. She said he was a movie star and said she was wrong. She said that it's a love-hate relationship between the two of them but James said it was a love-love with her and a hate-hate with him. Howard first brought up a comment that James had made one time. James was asked why he dates younger women and said something like ''Well, when people buy a dog they get a puppy, not an older dog..'' He said he wasn't comparing women to dogs, he was just using that as a metaphor. He said he loves all women.. except feminists. He said feminists are ''men with vaginas''.

  Howard had a lot of information on James so he went through a lot of the rumors with him. One rumor was that actress Sean Young had glued his penis to his leg one time. James joked that it was to his ankle, not his leg but then told Howard that it was all just a joke he'd made one time. Howard also heard that James took viagra one time and had sex for 6 hours. James said that was another joke he'd made. He said it was 6 hours 37 minutes. Like he'd actually time how long he'd go. Howard asked James how many people he dates in a year but James said that he really doesn't have all that exciting of a life. He said it's probably the ''most boring life'' Howard has ever seen. He told Howard that he prefers not to break up with women either. They usually break up with him instead. Howard brought up the fact that James went to some awards show with a 19 year old woman and claimed that he was taking her ''under his wing'' to mold her career. He explained to Howard that he saw her at some golf tournament and a friend of him told him to keep his eyes out for beautiful women to get them into the business. He did just that and got her signed with ICM. Now her career is off and running and he's working with her. He told Howard that he's not having sex with her but if it eventually happens it wouldn't be a bad thing. He's single now so it wouldn't be a problem. He was engaged to a 26 year old woman by the name of Melissa but that is over now.

  James told Howard that he's been married 2 times in his life and he's still best friends with his first wife. His second wife is another story. He said she was a nightmare. Howard had some quotes from her that James claimed were totally fabricated by her. James said that the stories are just so wacky that no one would believe them anyway.

  James dated Heather Graham for about a year so Howard spent some time talking about that also. Howard heard she broke up with him after he had a hard time answering her when she asked if he only loved her for her looks. James said that wasn't true.

  Howard brought up a couple of other rumors about James. There was one that said that MTV VJ Kennedy was once asked by James to sit on his lap in a school girl outfit at a hockey game. James basically said that he doesn't find her attractive so he would never have asked her that. Howard also heard that James once said that Sharon Stone had a bigger penis than him. James corrected that and said that he said ''her balls clang louder than his''. He said he's never had sex with her. A couple of other names that came up in the conversation included Brooke Shields and Jennifer Lopez.

  Howard took a few phone calls from people but the few that mentioned the size of his penis had no validity. They were just jokers calling in.

  Howard spent a minute talking about this ''Dirty Pictures'' movie that James is in. James told Howard that he plays a museum curator who gets arrested for showing very graphic pictures of sexual situations.

• Win A Million Bucks! 5/10/00. 9:00am
  Howard made a quick announcement about how you can win a million dollars. He said you visit Jackpot.com and play the slots for a chance to get on the show and win a million dollars. That's about all the details he gave so you may want to visit the site and see what it's all about.

  Howard also brought up this web site that talks about when good TV shows go bad. You can look up a TV show and it'll tell you when people think the show took a turn for the worse. Howard went through a bunch of shows including:

  • All in the Family
  • Andy Griffith
  • Brady Bunch
  • Happy Days
  • MASH
  • Bewitched
  • I Dream of Jeanie
  • In Living Color
  • I Love Lucy
  • The Bob Newhart Show
  • Seinfeld
  • E.R.
  Each one had specific things that people think made the show turn bad. The name of the site was JumpTheShark.com

• Woman Stalked By Warren Beatty. 5/10/00. 9:15am
  This woman Debbie Rochon came in to talk about how Warren Beatty used to try and come on to her.. 10 years ago. She went through a story about how he tried to get her phone number for 2 years while she was working at a cappachino bar in New York City. He'd come in 3 days a week and stay until the place closed at 4am waiting for her but she wouldn't give in. She said he just wasn't her type and never gave in. She said he'd even come by with other women trying to impress her that he could get women but it didn't work on her. Howard asked her if she ever thinks that she should have dated him to get her career going better. She doesn't think that at all. She's done some B-movies and one of them was with Amy Lynn. That was called ''Broadcast Bombshells''. She said there were no lesbian scenes in that one but in ''Tromeo and Juliet'' she did some lesbo stuff.

  Debbie told Howard that comedian Richard Lewis also tried to pick her up but she thought that he may have been on something at the time and didn't like his personality. She also claims that Lou Diamond Phillips tried to pick her up but he was too arrogant and she didn't go out with him. She said that she doesn't like the whole Hollywood scene. Howard thought that she must be pretty hot for so many celebrities to try and pick her up. She thinks that it's not her, it's just that these guys are just trying to pick up every woman around them.

  Howard took a couple of phone calls and everyone was bored with her stories so they told Howard to get her off the air. Howard asked her to take off her sweater before she left so he could get a view of her breast implants. She let him see and somehow caught a few of her underwear-less ass. He said she was very attractive. You can check her out at DebbieRochon.com

• Child Genius Show Discussed. 5/10/00. 9:30am
  Howard spent a little bit of time talking about last night's FOX show that had 10-12 year old kids competing for the title of child genius. Howard said it was kind of disturbing to see some of these kids under so much pressure. There was one kid who had all kinds of twitches because of the pressure. Big Black had tape of the show so he was playing some clips for Howard. Howard said that Dick Clark, who was hosting it, read through the questions too fast. The kids had problems answering some of them and he thinks that it may have been Dick's fault. Howard got his father Ben on the phone to talk about the show also. Ben said that if he had hosted the show he would have paced the questions so the kids could understand them better. He said he didn't know what Dick's big rush was for. Gary had the ratings for the show and they weren't quite as high as ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' but it did pretty well. After ''Millionaire'' was over the Genius show picked up in the ratings a little bit so people were watching it. Ben said he likes ''Millionaire'' because you feel like you are part of the show. The genius show didn't give multiple choice for all of the questions so it was harder to get into.

• Various Stuff. 5/11/00. 6:05am
  Howard started off the show talking about how New York Mayor Rudy Giulianni just announced that he and his wife of 16 years are going to get a legal separation. He said it looks like they're going about it the hard way and it's going to get messy. He suggests that they just sit down and work things out like Howard and Alison did.

  Howard also reminded everyone to check out Jackpot.com to get the chance at being one of the 5 finalists for the $1 million prize. The finalists will get to come on the show.

  Howard mentioned a story that he read which claims that Don Johnson recently went in to a video store and rented some gay porn.

  He also told everyone about this high school baseball coach who, on a dare from his team, went and tried out to be a professional pitcher and ended up throwing a 98 MPH fast ball. He got a job on Tampa Bay's baseball team. Howard thought the story was pretty cool.

  Howard said that Ronnie the limo driver told him that this guy John Gambling Jr., a news radio host, has been pumping gas on Thursdays lately. Howard went to school with the guy and said that when he tried to get his kids into a private school a few years ago they were kept out by Gambling who sat on the school board. He thinks that Gambling is a no talent dick who's been handed everything in his life. He goofed on him for pumping the gas for a few minutes.

  The other day Fred left the show early and didn't let Howard know that he was doing that. This morning Howard asked him why he did that. Fred didn't have a reason for not telling Howard but said he's got something important going on but he can't talk about it. He said it was a mistake not to tell Howard but he sometimes has trouble talking to him. Robin was rambling on about how strange Fred was so he started yelling at her while Howard was talking to him. Jackie pointed out that Howard was talking to Fred but Fred wasn't talking back to him, he was talking to Robin. It was all very weird... Typical Fred. A couple of callers tried to guess what the big deal was with Fred. One guy asked if his wife is pregnant. That wasn't it. He also said it has nothing to do with his marriage and he hasn't changed his name again. The mystery of Fred deepens.

• Emilio Estevez Calls In. 5/11/00. 7:15am
  Actor Emilio Estevez called in this morning to ''make nice'' with Howard. He and his brother Charlie Sheen were supposed to come on the show together but canceled when they found out they'd have to be on E!. Howard got pissed and Jon Bon Jovi told Emilio that he'd better straighten things out. Emilio told Howard that E! has treated his family poorly in the past and they didn't want to be on the E! show so they canceled. He said it wasn't a problem with Howard, it was just E!.

  Howard went on to talk to Emilio about various things like his kids and hot girlfriends. Emilio said that he's got 2 kids and has to pay around $15,000 a month in child support. He's only got 4 more years of that though. He said he'll still take care of his kids but the ex-wife won't be getting that money anymore.

  Emilio also spoke about going out with Paula Abdul and Demi Moore. He told Howard that Demi was great in bed. He said the same of Paula. He was engaged to marry Demi but they broke off the engagement 2 weeks before the wedding when they figured out that they weren't meant to be together.

  Emilio also spoke about his brother Charlie and his Father Martin. He said that Charlie has been sober for 2 years now. The two of them were really looking forward to coming on the show and they were upset when the whole E! thing came up.

  Emilio said that he wasn't calling in to get a plug this morning but Howard gave him one anyway. Emilio will be in ''Rated X'' this Saturday at 9pm on Showtime. He directed the movie and also stars in it with his brother. They play the porn team of the Mitchell brothers.

• Julianna Margulies Calls In. 5/11/00. 8:00am
  Actress Julianna Margulies called in from Prague this morning. She's off shooting a movie. Howard wanted to talk to her because she turned down $27 million for 2 more years on NBC's ''E.R.'' He thinks she's crazy and should have stuck with it until the bitter end. She told Howard that she loved doing the show but another two years would have made her miserable. She was on the show for 6 years and it was enough for her. Howard always says that an actor should stick with a show until the end of it no matter how much they hate it. He told Julianna that he had two words for her.. ''McClain Stevenson and Suzanne Somers'' two actors who left shows and were barely heard from again. Julianna and Howard argued back and forth about it for 25 minutes but there's no changing either of their minds.

  Howard also spoke to her about her fiance Ron Elder who he works out with at his gym. Julianna said that Ron didn't tell her what to do about the job. He told her that she could do a lot with that money but she had to make the final decision. Howard said that if he went to his father and asked him if he should stay, his father would beat him. Her father told her to ''follow her heart''. Howard told everyone that he thinks that men and women have a different perspective on making money. He thinks that the men think that they have more of a responsibility to support a family while the women just want to do what they want to do without worrying about the money. He said something about getting facials and stuff like that. That didn't sit too well with Julianna. She was a little offended by that.

  Howard heard that Julianna had a run in with Steven Segal when she was starting out as an actress. She explained that he came on to her and wanted to have sex with her on the set of a movie about 9 years ago when she was 21. She said she turned him down and he was a perfect gentleman after that. Gary heard that Segal had said to her ''Hey Margulies, come over here and show me some respect.'' She explained that it was on the set of ''E.R.'' that he said that one time. Segal thought that he got her her first break in the movies so she owed him something.

  Howard said that tonight is the Julianna's final episode of the show. He had some notes that said her parents were very strict as she was growing up and didn't allow her to watch TV. He thinks that's wrong because all of the other kids were watching TV. Julianna said that she was growing up in England and the TV over there was really bad anyway.

  Howard also heard that Julianna turned down a million bucks to do a movie one time. She didn't want to tell Howard the name of the movie but he eventually guessed that it was ''Anaconda''. He said that maybe that was a good idea to turn it down.. He thought that she'd made a mistake but after hearing that it was that movie, it was a good idea.

  Before Julianna left she told Howard that his show is on in the makeup trailer of ''E.R.'' She said that she was addicted to the show after her fiance turned her on to it and she's a big fan of the show.

• More Stuff. 5/11/00. 8:40am
  Two women were supposed to come in and play ''Turkish Millionaire'' this morning but they didn't show up.. Howard killed some time talking about other stuff. He played Blink 182's Adam's Song and talked about how some kid had it playing in a continuous loop when he committed suicide over the weekend. He was listening to the words and how disturbing some of them are. He said he doesn't blame the song for the kid's suicide. The kid had other problems but both Gary and Howard thought that some of the lines in the song were chilling.

  Howard had an article about this guy Robert Gelbman who's suing ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' for $2 million because he thinks he was robbed on a question about zodiac signs. He says he answered the $32,000 question based on the zodiac calendar not the regular calendar so he thinks he was right. He claims that he can't get a job and can't even take a test now because the whole situation has thrown off his confidence. Howard thinks that the whole thing is ridiculous and the guy doesn't deserve the money. A short time after talking about it Robert Gelbman called the show to talk about the whole thing. Gelbman told Howard how he's been out of work since last July and explained how his confidence has been destroyed by it. Howard spent a few minutes trying to convince the guy to just get over it and go get a job. No one knows why this guy thinks he deserved so much money. He says that his lawyer came up with the dollar amount. He also said that there was a lot more stuff that went on that wasn't mentioned in the article. He didn't give details though. Howard suggested that the guy just get out of bed, get dressed and go get a job today. He said he'd do what he could.

  Howard reminded everyone that they're going to be doing the ''Who Wants To Marry A Porno Star'' thing in the next couple of weeks. Gary said he's started the interviews and there are some ''interesting candidates.''

  He also reminded everyone about Jackpot.com and how 5 finalists will be competing on the show for the million dollar grand prize. That will be happening in the next 2 or 3 weeks according to Gary.

  Howard went off on the ''squirrel head'' (bad toupee) Steve Allen and his Parent Television Council for a few minutes. Steve Allen has been using Howard's name in his ads trying to raise money to get vulgarity off of TV. Howard read some stuff from a letter Steve Allen's PTC has been sending out to people and they bring up stuff that Howard has done. Howard said that Steve Allen is ''stealing'' money from people by doing this and it's pathetic. He said these dopes who are sending Steve Allen money must be like retards or something. Howard brought up a letter he got from a listener who actually claims that Howard saved his life to go against what Steve Allen is saying about him. The guy credit's Howard's show for helping him find out that he had testicular cancer. After reading that letter Howard said ''F-you Steve Allen and the squirrel on your head.'' He went on to invite Steve to come on the show to debate him. Then he told him to ''Suck me! Suck it now!.. You squirrel head.'' Howard then prayed to Jesus to ''please send Steve Allen to hell'' and let him burn there when he dies. He also prayed for him to get cancer and ''crabs in his wig''. He also suggested that he ''throw his pig wife in the box too.''

• The Best Of Stern. 5/12/00.
  Yes, it's true, Howard was off today so we got to hear some ''Best Of''.

  Don't forget to visit Jackpot.com for your chance at their Million dollar prize giveaway. Five finalists will be on Howard's show to play for the grand prize of a Million dollars. Just visit Jackpot.com and play the slots.

  Here's what we heard on today's ''Best Of Stern'':

  • ''I Want More Howard Stern'' song.
  • Fartman calls the Iranian embassy.
  • King of all Blacks calls in to tell Howard that there's a difference between ''negros'' and ''nig*ers''
  • Robin reads a story in a tabloid about a boy dying in a dishwasher. Howard tries to call the local sheriff to find out if the story was true but no one will talk to him.
  • Howard interviews Alec Baldwin about ''The Shadow''.
  • Howard yells at Jackie for mooching off the show by getting a discount at a hotel in Miami.
  • Jackie's wife Nancy calls in to plug something and argues with Jessica Hahn about what she does.
  • Alleged Laurence Fishburne stalker, Regina Scott, talks to Howard.
  • Howard goofs on Jackie and Nancy's music.