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Gary said they did 5 days worth of shows over there from 3 different locations. The people barely knew they were coming so there was a lot of stuff that didn't get done before they got there. The people over there got really annoyed with them so they weren't very hospitable at all.
Howard started off the show announcing that they were live from England at the Hard Rock Cafe. He said they didn't tell them where they were going to be broadcasting from because they didn't want to be sabotaged by the other stations in New York. He also didn't announce the guests that they were going to have because of the sabotage thing. He said that they have a full line-up of people coming in like Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull. He also said Dee Snider would be there and then Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran would be coming in.
Howard said they got there Friday morning and things went okay but he wanted to make sure everything was working right so he tried taking some phone calls. He took one call but could barely hear the woman on the line. Howard took another call and it was working so he talked to the guy for a short time. They talked about what they had hanging up there at the Hard Rock.
Howard said he wanted to get to know some of the audience too. He said that they had an interracial couple there that he wanted to talk to. He got sidetracked when he brought up the hotel room he's staying in and how it was like sleeping in a room with another person because he could hear some guy coughing like he was in the same room. He was also talking about the TV shows they have on over there and how awful their version of The Price Is Right is.
At that point Gary came on and said that they had gotten some song parodies back then and the interracial couple that was there had submitted a song parody. He said the guy and the woman didn't look like they should be a couple and they tried figuring that out. Gary said that guy actually won another contest and got into the Private Parts movie where he and his wife were supposed to get naked but refused. Gary said that's what type of Superfan that guy was back then.
They got back to the London show where Howard was interviewing the interracial couple. He talked to Velma and her very white boyfriend. She talked about their relationship and then moved on to the boyfriend and talked to him for a few seconds before playing their winning song parody which had led to them flying to London with the show called ''My Pal Howard.''
Howard talked about how they were going to be there at the Hard Rock for a couple of days and they'd be moving to another place after that. He said that this whole London trip was kind of a way for them to get a little bit of a vacation from their regular show. He said that they were pretty much out of material already as well. He said that they're pretty happy being there in London and he was checking out touring the city when they weren't on the air.
Howard brought up a guy who was out in the audience staring at him. He said he wasn't sure why he was doing that so he asked Gary to bring him up. It turns out he didn't speak English. He said that maybe he was upset about the goofing on the TV shows. He and Robin talked more about the awful shows that are on over there. They brought up the show that's kind of like Good Morning America that they have and how it's not quite right.
Howard mentioned the guests they had coming up today once again. He went through that and then he and Robin talked more about the nutty country they were in. Robin said she saw some odd people walking around there while she was there. Howard yelled at Gary to get him a waiter so he could get something to eat.
Howard had a guest come up to where he was at. She was a waitress there so he asked her about the tipping and if they were giving enough. She said that Americans are great tippers. He also asked her if she gets upset with them bad mouthing their TV shows there. They talked about some of the awful shows they have on over there and she was saying that they're actually catching on.
Howard said they had some people staring at him there at the Hard Rock. He said he really didn't like people staring at him that way. One of the guys was the engineer who was working with him. He told Gary that he was the one who was supposed to tell the guys not to do that but he apparently forgot to do that. He spent a minute talking about that and then got back to this Yoko Ono thing he was talking about. He said she was on some strange show over there and played some clips from that.
Howard said they had a great audience there and they were kind of normal for fans of his show. That got some applause from them. He took a phone call after that. The caller asked about the food there and that led to Howard complaining about the way they prepare the food there in London. He said they have some really weird stuff there. He said they butter and salt everything even if you don't want it. He also thought that it was weird how there were a lot of American restaurants there like Kentucky Fried Chicken and Burger Kings over there.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked him how it felt to be King. Howard had no idea what the guy was talking about. He and Robin talked about how well they were being treated at the hotel they were staying at. They said they were being treated like huge stars, like they were on all over the country even though they weren't.
Another caller tried talking to Howard but she was hard to hear so Howard gave up on the phone calls. He mentioned that they had Ian Anderson coming in soon. He then introduced Victoria who was the best looking chick on the trip. He brought her up to the microphone and talked to her for a short time. He said he hadn't had any sex since they got there to London.
Howard talked about Pat the program director who was there with them and just walking around and taking pictures. Howard then asked Victoria to do her song parody. He said it would be great if she took off her bra for them. He said he was thinking about her last night and wondering if she was having sex last night. He said he figured she was doing that with her boyfriend while he was thinking about it. He called up another woman, Nina, to talk to her while he was on that subject. He said he thinks about how he'd like to have some of these girls show up to his hotel room to have sex with him and maybe have them force him into stuff like that.
Howard asked Nina to open up her jacket and show off her breasts. Then he had the two of them comparing their breasts to figure out whose were bigger. Nina was a C and Victoria was a B but Howard thought that they were bigger than that. He said that they had a dinner the night before and he caught Nina staring at him then. Robin asked her if she knew what Howard looked like before she met him. She said she had seen him and she thought he was kind of cute.
Howard said the music was driving him nuts there and the whole place was kind of weird. The waitresses were wearing nursing outfits which was kind of weird. He then had to take a commercial break before having Victoria perform her song parody.
After that they got back to the show where Howard was talking about how it was around lunch time there at the Hard Rock so the crowds were building. He said he was going to get to Victoria's song parody shortly but he wanted to tell Gary what he wanted to do. He asked him to change his hotel room and to get him some dirty magazines at the newsstand downstairs. He didn't want to go there himself. He asked Gary to go down and get the stuff for him.
Howard said he had actually had sex with himself when they get there. He asked Gary how many times he had done it to himself. Gary said he was up to three but Howard said he had done it four times already. He said he can go back to the hotel room and to it all over the room. That's why he wanted to change rooms because he had done it all over the place and the room was getting a little funky.
Howard said he kind of likes having that Bidet in his room so he can clean himself down there. Howard told Gary to go get him a good American dirty magazine that he could look at later. He had Victoria get back up there so she could perform her song parody. She came back up and talked about how she had taken her top off last year when she was on their road trip and how much trouble she got into for that.
Robin said that Victoria's song is called ''Erect'' and she had a guitar player accompanying her today. She went right into her song a few seconds later. The song was to the tune of ''RESPECT.'' Howard told her that she was keeping him erect and he had sex with her last night and she didn't even know about it.
Howard mentioned the guests they had coming up today and got distracted when they made an announcement there at the restaurant. He went on to complain about the food they have over there and how it's not much of a choice. He said they have been tipping too much while they're there too. He spent a minute on that and then Robin got back to some news stories.
Howard told Ian that they were broadcasting back to New York to over a million listeners this morning. He said he loves the 80s because the technology is so cool. He asked Ian where he's been lately because it seems like he's in seclusion or something. Ian said that is pretty much what is happening. He's in seclusion and living in Scotland. He also told Howard that he's married now and his son was there with him. Howard talked to the kid a little bit and asked him if he knew that song ''Aqualung.'' The kid knew the song so Howard told him how cool his father was.
Ian told Howard that he's never kept any of the stuff he's had written about him or even the gold records they got. He said you really don't need that stuff behind you. Howard asked if he could sing with Ian. Ian didn't want to perform anything though. Howard told him he'd sing to him then if he wasn't going to sing along. That led to Howard talking to Ian about how he's become a salmon farmer now and that's how he makes a living. Howard figured he was rich already.
Howard wanted to take a phone call from America for Ian. He went to the phones and tried taking some calls but every time he picked up the people would hang up. He asked Ian why he was doing the show today. Ian said his son wanted to come to London to have Japanese food so that's why they came in. He also figured they'd stop by and have some fun with Howard Stern as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who just wanted some traffic reports and didn't care about Ian. Howard hung up on him and let a guy come up from the audience and talk to him. There were a couple of others who came up and said hello. He talked about Ian's son and talked about how he missed his own kid while he was there in London. He said he had another one on the way too.
Howard asked Ian to do some Aqualung for them but Ian said he's had a throat problem so he can't sing. Howard said he could perform the song himself instead. He attempted to sing it but only got through a few seconds of it before giving up. He got back to Ian and talked to him a little bit more. Ian said that they really need to get some cushions on the seats there because they are very hard and they probably wouldn't last a week sitting on that stuff.
Howard found out that Ian was a bald man and felt bad for him. He said he couldn't believe that. He and Ian spent a few more minutes talking about David Letterman and some other TV shows. Howard asked Ian if they could hang out with him all week. He didn't sound too interested in that.
Howard let a fan from the crowd ask Ian a question. The guy was kind of effeminate so Howard asked him if he was gay. The guy claimed he wasn't so Howard let him continue his question. The guy asked a bunch of questions but Howard brought it down to a much simpler one and asked him if he likes the music these days. Ian said he does but the bands are wearing an awful lot of make up. He talked about that for a short time and said he likes Thomas Dolby right now. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and said he hopes he had a good time there. Ian said he's supposed to be in New York in about a month's time. He's supposed to appear at a Macy's store because they sell his smoked salmon there.
Ian said that he's employed about 50 people with his salmon farm and he thinks that's a big deal for him to do that. He said he's lucky he's able to do that. He said that the money he made in the music business has helped him create this business that employs those 50 people. He said he's glad he can put the money back into the economy that way because those 50 people didn't have jobs before he gave them to them. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Dee Snider was there and ended up talking to Dee about how he was wearing his own band's shirt. Howard didn't think that was right but Dee didn't seem to care. They also talked about Ian Anderson and how great it was to meet him. Howard said he thinks Ian thought he was a real prick and he's probably bummed out after meeting him. He said that Ian would only look at Robin during the whole thing so that was kind of weird. Robin agreed with him on that.
Howard said that there were a lot of kids there to see Dee and the crowd was growing quite a bit. Howard talked to Dee about pleasuring himself and stuff like that a little bit. Dee also talked about his wife and how her mother threatened to kill him the first time he went on a date with her. He said that she hated him when he first met him so it took a while to get her to fall for him. Howard said that Dee is on his way to becoming a multi-millionaire and he's got a few sold-out shows there in London. Dee said he got a little upset when Howard and Robin didn't show up to a show he did in New York because he had told the crowd he was going to be there.
Howard went off on the engineers for not having the equipment set up correctly for him. He had a lot of feedback and noise coming through the microphones so he had to complain to them about that. He quickly got back to Dee and asked him about his wife and if he has sex with any of his fans. Dee said he doesn't do that, he's faithful to his wife. Howard asked him when he's going back to New York. Dee said he's away for about 7 weeks and then he'll be back in the area. Howard said he wants to have him over for dinner so they'll do that when he comes back to the area.
Howard asked Dee to perform some songs for them. Dee was going to do it but his voice was bothering him. Howard and Dee spent a few more minutes talking. They also talked about the security guy Dee had with him. Howard asked him what he has to pay that guy to go with him. Dee said it's about $1000 a week. Howard and Robin thought that sounded pretty good and offered to do security for him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who had no idea he was actually on the line with him. The guy hung up so Howard took another one. The caller asked how things were in England. Howard said they didn't really care about anything this guy had to say. The guy then asked Dee what he's got going on in his life. Dee said that one of their videos was rejected from MTV and that's one thing that's going on right now. He said they don't even show their videos over there in England because they weren't wearing helmets in one of their videos when they were on motorcycles.
Howard told Dee it was time to sing so he said a quick hello to the 30 listeners who were there. He had Dee do a little singing after that so he sang ''I Got You Babe'' with Howard and Robin. Howard was still upset about the feedback they had going on. He asked the guys if they could take care of that or not. They apparently couldn't fix it. Howard talked to Dee a little more and then saw that there was a woman in the audience who looked like Linda McCartney. She was actually one of Dee's fans from Florida. She was there for Spring Break so the guys kind of made fun of her about that since most people go to sunny places for Spring Break. She asked to pull on Dee's hair but he didn't allow it.
Howard said that he wanted to sing one last song with Dee so he wanted to get into that. He went out to the crowd first to say hello to some of the fans. He wanted to have Dee guess the size of Nina's breasts. He spoke to Nina and to her friend Maria who was with her. She showed her boobs to Dee so Dee guessed that she had a B-cup. He guessed correctly. Howard told her she didn't win a prize since he did guess. Dee also guessed that Nina had a C-cup and he was right on that one as well.
Howard talked about some of the stuff they had hanging there in the Hard Rock and told Dee that maybe he should give them something to hang there. Dee wasn't sure what he could give them so Howard suggested his belt or something like that. He then told Dee that he wanted him to perform one more song. They were going to cover ''Aqualung'' since they had the lyrics already. They went into that song a short time later but only did a little bit of the song before wrapping up and going to break.
Robin told Howard to tell the story about what they saw at this Indian restaurant they went to. Howard said they went in and Robin started giggling because she saw a guy getting a hand job from a woman who was covering up with a napkin. Howard said just seeing that was worth coming to London for. He said he's getting over his jet-lag now and he's kind of happy with the way things are going at this point.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said the show sounds great and he wishes that he was over there with the rest of them. Howard said that the show was very good today and they have more great guests for tomorrow as well. He didn't want to say who they were for fear of being sabotaged.
Howard said they had a couple of MTV winners there so he talked to them. Howard said they both looked wasted and asked if they had done coke or something. They said they hadn't done that yet. He spent a minute with them and then wondered if he should go out into the crowd and talk to the people. He said that Nick Rhodes was supposed to be there but hadn't showed up yet. He had Robin get into some news instead. She went through a little bit of stuff but then Howard asked where Nick Rhodes was at. Gary said he must be running late.
Howard headed out into the crowd and talked to some of the people out in the restaurant. He got bored with the people he was talking to though so he gave up and had Lisa come up to perform a song parody that had won her the trip to London. She was only 17 years old so she was there with her father. Howard talked to her a little bit and found out that she had dated a guy who was a few years older than her. She was still in high school too. Howard told her father to come over so he could talk to him. He said that the father reminded him of Bill Cosby and the kids were kind of like the Cosby kids and even looked like them. He told the father to keep an eye on his daughter because she looked so hot. Howard said it was nice to see that the father was breaking the myth and staying with his family.
Howard asked for someone to come up and play guitar for them while Lisa performed her song ''Can I Go.'' They found a guitar player to play the song and Lisa sang her song. Howard called it a day after that and ended the show.
Gary said that they really got pissed off about what had happened that day but things ended up working out. Gary said they didn't get on air until about 6:20 in the morning. Howard was very angry but he channeled it all into a really good show. He said he went into a speech that ended up being like the speech from Animal House. He said it turned out to be one of the best shows they ever did and it almost didn't happen at all. They went into that show right after that...
Howard started off the show talking about how angry he was about what had happened that morning. They were at Wedgewood Mews instead of the Hard Rock like they were supposed to be. He said they had some good guests coming up but he had to calm down first. He said they were screwed by another radio station this morning. He said that the other radio station got the better of them. He said he has never sworn this before but he swore that he would destroy that other station single handedly. He said he's never really targeted just one station before until today. He said he has already destroyed NBC radio and he will now destroy this other station. Robin said they fooled around with the wrong person this time.
Howard called Scot Muni a fat slob and asked him if he thinks he can mess with Stern. He then went into the discussion about what happened. He talked about how the other station had screwed them over and everyone tries to sabotage them. He said he's just trying to do a dopey radio show and they should try putting on something better than him instead of trying to sabotage him.
Howard said he needs to talk to his fans in New York so he can hear from them and let them pledge their allegiance to his show. A couple of phone callers told Howard that they can't believe what these other stations are doing to him. Howard had one guy who was really good and kissing his ass nicely. The engineer said that he had to hang up on that guy because he got a call on the hotline number there. Howard wondered if he was sabotaging the show as well. Gary wanted to know how he was going to let Howard know when to take his commercial breaks.
Howard took some more phone calls and talked to a woman about what they had coming up on the show today. They talked about those other radio stations in New York and how none of them compare to his show. Howard said that the Hard Rock management was a bunch of wusses too because they didn't have to kick them out. Robin said that they're going to make their station the best in New York history and they're going to wipe out everyone else. They'll show them.
Howard noticed there was a guy cleaning windows outside and he was pressing ham for him. He yelled out to the guy and he ended up showing them even more. Howard was starting to calm down at this point and said he wanted to talk to Gary about what they were going to do with the show today. Gary came in so Howard asked him what was going on. He said that they had to wait for another studio for about 15 minutes and they'd get in there with the listeners. Dee Snider is going to try to head down there to do the show again today. He said he was in a good mood after doing the show yesterday. He wasn't expecting any of this stuff today.
Howard said Gary asked him if he really wanted him to get the magazines so Howard had to say he didn't really want them even though he really did. Gary should have known that he really did want them. He said he went back to the hotel and on the way they bought the English version of Penthouse. They have really ugly girls in the magazine. In the back of the magazine they have some chicks from Hungary and they're really nasty looking.
Howard and Gary talked about the Jiffy condoms that they sell out on the streets there. Howard said that's what they spend their time on while they're there. He said they had a 16 year old in the magazine and he just didn't feel right about that. He said they had that chick and the ugly chicks from Hungary in there and it just wasn't doing it for him. He said he needed the American version to get off. Gary said he got off to the 16 year old's pictures though. Howard said he thinks he's really growing and it was good he didn't get aroused by the 16 year old's pictures.
Howard brought up the other radio stations again and went off on them for a short time. Howard was talking to the engineer back at K-Rock who was taking the phone calls and stuff. It turned out it was actually DJ Tony Pigg who was taking the calls and running things.
Howard said that they had a bunch of stuff to get to today. They had Roger Daltry coming in as well as Alan Parsons of the Alan Parsons Project. Tony told Howard that he was talking to Gary on the phone about what they were going to do on the show today. He wanted to know what kind of music Howard wanted him to play. Howard wanted to know exactly what Gary wanted but when he heard what it was, he told Tony to ignore his staff and just listen to him.
Howard ended up yelling about how lackadaisical everyone was with his show. Tony said they were having a problem finding the music bed that Howard wanted. Fred was yelling at him to tell him exactly where the carts were. Tony found one and played the music while Howard and Robin talked about various things. They talked about the shows they've been watching on TV over there and how awful they are. They talked about this Lorna Luft woman who has a show there and has to explain who she is every time she gets on air.
Howard and Robin talked about how the Brits seem to accept the blacks over there no problem. The people they seem to have a problem with are the Indians. He asked a woman there if that was true or not. She said that they're actually the ones who work hardest over there and keep their shops open all night. Howard said she was being very nice and he still thinks that they're the lowest of the low over there. Howard went to break after that.
Howard talked about how they had gone back to their hotel room to plan the show today and then they find out they can't do the show from the Hard Rock. Robin said she hasn't seen Howard that motivated before. Howard said he was so proud of himself for what he had come up with and then he got screwed.
Howard switched microphones and explained again what had happened with the Hard Rock Cafe. He said they were told they couldn't let them broadcast so they had to jump in a car to race over to this studio they were at. He said they're going to move downstairs so they can be with the listeners. Gary came in and said that they can go down whenever he wants. Robin said that he's about the 20th person to tell them that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was ready to boycott WNEW. The guy said the station plays the same songs over and over again so he's ready to stop listening. The guy also got Howard talking about the situation over in Libya. He and Robin spent a little time talking about that. Howard took a break so they could move studios.
Gary came on and explained where they were at during that show and how they had all of the listeners sitting on the floor in this studio. Roger Daltry came in and performed for them and so did Alan Parsons. He said it was an awesome moment.
Howard was in the new studio and said that his brother-in-law was there in the studio staring at him and he really can't take that. Howard told the fans that they can thank WNEW for making them sit in an office on the floor this morning. He was having some trouble with his microphone but they were able to straighten that out quickly. Howard had Robin get into her news a short time later. She ran through a bunch of stories while they waited for Roger Daltry to show up.
Howard explained where they were and how they were in a business office broadcasting with the audience sitting on the floor. He explained how they had been sabotaged earlier in the morning. He said he called home and talked to his father about the broadcast and he told him he had given out a number too fast during one of the commercials.
Howard had Nina stand up to show off what she was wearing. She wasn't dressed all that provocatively according to Robin. Howard spoke to some of the other audience members and found that one of the guys was video taping himself. He went off on that guy for trying to that while they were broadcasting. He said that he pictures all of these people having sex in their rooms while he has to get it on with magazine pictures.
Howard talked to this one guy who everyone was thinking was kind of effeminate. The guy came off kind of gay but he told Howard that he's not. Howard asked him if he has girlfriends and stuff. He claimed he did but then Howard found out he had come to London with another dude. He said it was cool if he was gay and he wouldn't kick him off or anything.
Howard was going to have some listeners sing their song parody to the tune of Gilligan's Island. They wanted him to sing along with them but he didn't want to do it. The guys performed their song and got some cheers from the crowd. Howard said he was ready to take a break after that. They had a game show coming up after that. He talked about how much fun they were having there even after being sabotaged this morning.
Howard had this airline pilot come up to sit with them so he could tell a story he had to tell. The guy told Howard how big of a fan he's become and how he has to listen to the show every morning. He wakes up at 6 every morning just to hear it. The guy said that he got into a cab to try and find this studio they were doing the broadcast from and he wasn't sure if he was ever going to get there but the cab driver pulled up right in front of the place.
Howard went off on the Hard Rock place and how awful the food was there and how bad the service was as well. He said that they were very unhospitable and they were also very rude. He goofed on how dumb the whole idea for the Hard Rock is because all they do is hang stuff on the walls and play loud music. He wanted to hear from their program director about what she had planned to get back at these people. She said that they didn't have anything to announce yet. They would have more about it later.
Howard heard that Alan Parsons was running late and he hadn't shown up yet. Howard asked his friend if he was always late. The guy said Alan was probably at the Hard Rock and would be on his way as soon as they told him he was at the wrong place.
Howard talked to the guy who was there with the guy they thought was gay. Howard asked him if he had ever had a gay experience. The guy paused for a second so they figured he had. Then the guy joked that he had his first experience last night. The two guys showed pictures of their girlfriends so Howard told them they should be gay if they have girls like that.
Gary broke in and talked about this guy Alan Parsons and his keyboard player Roger Wilson who was there with Howard that morning. Gary said that he didn't realize what a big name that was in the business. He said that Alan turned out to be a great guest and he got the show so they became friends with him.
Howard talked to Eric some more and told Gary to lock Alan out if he showed up since he was so late already. He asked Eric to perform something for him so he could hear what kind of music they're working on now. Eric played a little bit of a Casio that he had in the studio. Howard sang along with the tune he was playing and just made up some lyrics to go along with it. Howard told him that he could play some drums on that keyboard so he found that button and performed a little bit more for them. Howard wanted to hear some more stuff so he asked him to play more stuff.
Howard had Eric perform a little more for them and then talked about how Ian Anderson had been on the show yesterday. They got distracted when Alan Parsons showed up. Howard had him come over and sit down with him so he could interview him. He told Alan what had gone on earlier in the morning and how they were sabotaged by that other radio station. He also told him about Eric playing a few songs for them and talked about the new stuff he's working on. They talked about that stuff and also talked to Alan about where he's living and the kind of life he's living these days.
Howard asked Alan and Eric if they could take a break and then come back and sing some songs. Alan and Eric laughed and said that would be a first. Howard thought that Eric was the lead singer of the band but Alan didn't think that was the case. He asked Tony to play the commercials but Tony told him he had the commercials there.
Howard continued to talk to Alan for a short time. Alan was talking about how he had gone into a Tower Records store to pick up 10 copies of his own CD. He went up to pay for them and gave the clerk his American Express card that had his name on it and they had to ask him for ID. The guys thought that was pretty funny.
Howard had Alan reading a commercial for him about a hair product. Alan had some hair issues himself so that's why Howard passed it along to him. He finished up with that and took some phone calls for Alan. A few people asked him some questions about what they had in the works. Howard thanked Alan and Eric for coming in and wrapped up with them a short time later. He went to break after that.
Howard talked to Roger about being married and how that must be tough when he's got so many women coming on to him as a rock star. Roger said it is tough but changed subjects and talked about the projects he's been working on lately. Howard asked to get some calls from New York so Tony helped him out with that. Howard let a few people ask some questions. There was one guy who asked Roger how he felt being interviewed by Howard who wasn't taking this interview so seriously. Roger said it was kind of odd at first but he got used to it and it was fine after a few minutes. Howard said he would hate to do a typical interview with Roger Daltry because he's done so many interviews like that.
Howard asked Roger how it was working with Ann Margaret. Roger said she was playing his mother in the movie he did with her so he had to try and remember that the whole time. Howard got distracted by a guy who was in the studio so he asked him what was going on there. This guy Paul said he has a job there in London that's similar to Howard's. He tried asking Roger a question but Howard cut him off. The guy then said that he was there to wish Howard a good week there in England so Howard took that and got back to Roger.
Howard asked Roger to sing ''Won't Get Fooled Again'' with him. Roger said he would do it so they set up in the studio and got ready to play. They went right into the song a short time later as they were playing on a Casio keyboard. Howard tried singing along a little bit. Roger sang and then did the big scream at the end of it since Howard wasn't able to pull it off.
Howard took some more phone calls for Roger and spent a few more minutes talking to him. He took some more phone calls for him and then wrapped up the interview with him and with Alan Parsons and Eric Wolfson. Howard said he got the feeling that Alan really liked them. Alan said that he did and he was ready to celebrate with some Champagne. Howard asked them if they wanted to perform for them one more time before they left. The guys didn't sound that interested in doing it though. Howard spent a little more time talking to them instead.
Robin went through a few more news stories and filled everyone in on who had won Oscar awards the night before. Howard decided to end the show after that. He took one more phone call from a guy who asked about the warm beer they serve over there. Howard said he doesn't drink warm beer and said that was a dopey question. Robin said that was the last question of the day too.
Howard let that guy Paul say a few words about his sister who was listening in Connecticut as she does every morning. Paul said he couldn't believe that Howard was actually there today. Howard said he couldn't believe it either. Robin had a few more notes to go over before ending the show so Howard let her do that. He then wrapped up the show and went to break.
Gary started off the special talking about the special and the trip which was the exact same start to the show that they played yesterday. He talked about how they came up with the idea for the trip to London. They also had him talking about going out to dinner and saw a punk band performing and Dee Snider was with them so he got up on stage to perform and ended up beating the crap out of some guy in the crowd that night.
Howard mentioned that Dee Snider was on his way over to do the show after something had happened last night. He said they'd get into all of that later on. He also said that they'd be talking about what ever happened to Rula Lenska.
Howard talked about the women they had there in the crowd that he really doesn't want sitting in front of him. There were a couple there who were staring at him and weren't smiling. He said that they're really not good for the radio show because they make him feel strange. He was also wondering why he was so much quieter than Robin was. No one was sure what was going on so he just moved on.
Howard explained how they went to this Mexican restaurant last night and ran into Dee Snider of all people. Howard said they were there and things got really nutty. He said by the end of the evening Dee Snider was beating the crap out of one of the Mexican guys in the crowd. He said that was how his night went.
Howard asked the crowd if they got into any fights. They didn't seem to have any stories so he went on to talk about how Dee and his guys were up on stage goofing around singing. Howard got up on stage himself and started goofing around as well. He started dancing around to entertain the fans. Robin told them that they were dancing around like a couple of white boys.
Howard said that he and Dee broke into a song and they had some tape of that. He played the clip where they were all singing and goofing around with Blue Suede Shoes. Howard said he felt like he was getting a little drunk even though he wasn't drinking. It was a contact high or something. He continued the tape where Dee was goofing around singing. Howard was also singing horribly in the clip. This Mexican guy was throwing out the names of songs while Dee and Howard were singing.
Howard said that the fans that were there with them are very talented and were performing there as well. He said the restaurant started to fill up with these guys who call themselves Bother Boys and they were all kind of looking at him like they were really annoyed. That's when Dee flew off the stage and tackled someone. Howard said he remained on stage himself because he felt he had to keep some kind of show business decorum. He said it was very cool when he saw Dee jump off stage to beat the crap out of the guy.
During all of that Dee's security guys were pulling down their pants and showing people their wieners. He said he felt like such a man last night because he was doing such manly things. He said he was watching Dee beat the crap out of guys and seeing guys showing off their wieners in the kitchen. He said if he just hung out with those guys once a week, he'd probably grow more hair on his chest. Robin said they were also doing The Bump together on stage and goofing around.
Howard said that he and Dee had started to do Louie Louie at one point and that's when those guys in the crowd started to give them a hard time. Howard said Dee didn't know the lyrics so he was just yelling stuff out. The Bother Boys were throwing stuff at Dee during the performance so that's when he flipped out and jumped off the stage. He said that they were getting free entertainment but apparently didn't like it. The listeners were having fun with it and singing along though.
Robin said that Howard came running over to her at one point and asked what songs he knows that he could sing. Howard said he really doesn't know a lot of songs so he needed some lyrics written down. as they were talking about that Dee was driving up at the Inn. Howard said Dee could fill in the rest of the blanks when he came in. It turned out it wasn't Dee driving up, it was an empty limo.
Howard said he had Fred writing down some lyrics for him so he could perform ''Leader of the Pack'' with Dee on stage. He figured that people would be entertained by that but then those guys came in and ended up throwing crap at them instead. He went on to play some audio clips of their performance of ''Leader of the Pack'' at the pub. Howard was up singing with Dee but he started off the song with the wrong lyrics. Howard asked the guys to rewind the tape so he could hear himself screwing up. Dee was supposed to have left the city by that time last night but he stuck around to have some fun with the Stern fans.
Howard said he really thought that the people in the pub would have enjoyed the whole performance. He said they did that song and then started to do a blues song. That's when the salad bowls started flying. Howard said they had a woman who was a witness to the mayhem. She got up and said that Dee flew right over her head when he went for the guys who he was going to beat the crap out of.
Howard said that Robin was giving the finger to one of the guys in the pub and he was doing the same to her. Howard played more audio from the show where they were doing this blues song. Dee was singing about his buddy Howard Stern and Howard was throwing out a line here and there. The tape paused for a second and that's when one of the guys hit the pause button on the tape recorder. That's when Robin gave the guy the finger and a short time later Dee was flying over everyone to attack some guy.
Howard explained how Dee jumped over a table, went through a railing and started to head toward one of the guys. He said he didn't think Dee had actually hit the guy, he just grabbed him. One of the fans saw it happen and said it looked like Dee was just trying to scare the guy. Howard said he could have gotten sued if he had attacked someone so that's probably why he didn't actually hit him. Howard said he was kind of shocked that Dee did something like that but his bodyguards were in the kitchen showing off their wieners.
Robin said that Howard got very bold with his lyrics after Dee stopped the guys from throwing stuff. Howard played the audio where Dee jumped off stage. He did it so quick he didn't miss any of the song he was singing. Everything had calmed down at that point but then Howard started singing some nonsense lyrics. Then he figured he wanted to see more fighting so he sang about the fight in the bar. He was trying to get the bodyguard's attention to come out and stop the fighting. He was telling the guys that they had some black guys who could beat their asses for good if they didn't stop.
The bodyguards eventually came out after getting the hint from his lyrics. Howard said he was ready to get out of there at that point. He didn't want to stick around to see what was going to happen. He continued singing about how the bodyguards were going to kick some ass. Then Howard saw some of them beating the crap out of 2 and 3 guys at the same time so he got out of there. He said that it actually convinced him to get some bodyguards for himself.
Howard said that was their evening last night. He asked Gary who they had coming in today. Gary gave him a rundown of who they had for sure and that they might have Bryan Adams coming in but that's not confirmed. Howard asked him if he saw the fight last night. Gary said he did but he was hiding under a table trying to avoid getting into a fight. They went to a break after that.
Howard said that Dee's bodyguard was with Dee when he came in. That's the guy who had his pants down in the kitchen last night. Howard told Dee that he is a nut. He wanted to talk to him about what went on last night and talk to the bodyguard about what he did.
Dee said that the guys they were fighting with were from the band Sig Sig Sputnik. Howard said that he and Dee met over at the David Letterman show and he's really glad he has him as a friend now. Before he met him he was hoping to meet someone like Mick Jagger but now he's glad he met Dee. He talked about Dee going flying into the crowd and how he didn't even stop singing when he did that. He waited for a break, flew over two tables and over Frank's wife's head. He said Dee is his hero for the way he defended him. He said a lot of listeners were upset that he didn't fight for himself but he had to stay on stage and sing.
Howard said the whole thing was crazy. He had the guys play some more of the audio from their performances on stage so he could hear it. They really were having some fun. Gary told Howard that he saw one of the bodyguards taking off his pants last night. The guy ended up making 41 pounds for doing that. He wasn't going to do it until the guys threw in more money. He eventually pulled them down and showed off what he had in his pants. Gary said the guy was hung like a Clydesdale.
Howard said he seriously didn't know how macho Dee was and that all came out of nowhere. Dee said he was having flashbacks from the days working in clubs in Asbury Park, New Jersey. He said the club scene can be brutal. He said instinct just took over and he had to jump out there and take care of business. Dee didn't think Robin was doing anything but she told him she was giving the finger.
Howard asked if Dee's bodyguard actually beat up any of the guys from that other band. The guy said they weren't going for it so there was no beating up. Howard said that Dee really impressed him when he jumped into the crowd to fight and then ended up back on stage to get back into the song without missing a beat. He played the audio from last night and went over what was going on once again.
Howard said he was hanging out and talking to someone and thought that one of the guys there was kind of smelly until he realized he was next to Nina who was eating cheese. It was the cheese that smelled bad, not the guy. Howard told Dee that he had something for him. He said that he's in the British newspaper today and there's a big article where they think that he's one of the Hell's Angels instead of Dee Snider. Dee said that happens to him all the time.
Howard and Dee spent a few minutes talking before Howard had to take another break. He said that Rula Lenska was there so he had to get to her.
Howard said people wonder what happened to her after that VO5 commercial. She thought things were going to take off after that but they really didn't. She said that she did the Merv Griffin show and there were some take-offs of her commercial done on some other shows.
Howard asked Rula how she got that VO5 commercial. She said she had done a show there in England called Rock Follies that got her some notice so that's what led to the commercial. Howard read that she was a singer as well. She ended up in that commercial and got to be very well known in the States.
Robin pointed out that red hair has become a very in thing now and Rula has red hair. She claims that she had natural red hair. Howard asked her if she's married and she told him that she's been living with someone for a while now but she's not married. Howard talked to Rula about what it might be like if she did get married and divorced. She might end up losing a lot of money if she had that happen.
Howard said that after Rula did the commercial Johnny Carson started talking about her and things seemed to take off for her. Rula said that things did start to happen for her after that. Rula was telling jokes and having some fun with Howard. Dee said she really seemed to be very easy to work with this morning so maybe she should be brought in to do some show like ''Dynasty'' or something like that. She said she's actually been in talks with those people and she may actually do something with them.
Howard read some notes about Rula and said that she knows 5 languages, she's Polish, she did the VO5 commercial and she's been on Merv Griffin's show. He said he knew a few of those things already. He also read that she did an episode of The Saint with Roger Moore. He talked to her about Roger and asked her if she thinks he's done with the James Bond stuff. She said she was pretty sure he was all done with it at that point. He also read that she's done some movies with Sean Connery. Dee knew some stuff about her as well so he threw in a few comments. Howard told him he was taking over the interview and asked him to calm down with that.
Howard said that Rula made her on screen debut with Peter Sellers so that must have been pretty nutty. She said that Peter was with Liza Minelli at the time. Howard figured that guy had a lot of women back then. He asked Rula about what she thinks of devil lyrics in songs and stuff since Dee is into that. She said she played a part in a movie where she was a nun who was a satanist. Howard wrapped up with Rula a short time later and asked her to pronounce the country ''Nicaragua'' because he likes they way they pronounce it there in England. She did that for them and Howard let her go a short time after that.
Gary came in and told Howard that they were still waiting for the guy from Squeeze. Bryan Adams may or may not show up as well. Howard told one of the guys in the crowd he looked like Bryan so he brought him up on stage. The guy played along so Howard asked him some questions about his life. Howard said he doesn't look the same in person though.
Howard said he was going to let Joe do his song parody for them. Joe said he would do it wherever they wanted him to. Howard had him sit right up near them. Joe went into his song and yodeled away for a couple of minutes. Howard said they had a lot of stuff to get to after that.
Howard said the guy who they were talking to as Bryan Adams is actually a radio guy who was there to observe the show. The guy claimed he was actually there for the free food. He said he's actually a radio show producer, kind of like what Gary does. Howard thought the guy looked a little old for that though.
Howard talked to some of the other fans that were there with them. He had Nina and Maria come up to talk to them. He said he got caught in a corner talking to those two who were telling him about the children's books they were writing. Robin said sometimes Howard will signal her to help him get out of situations like that but he never gave her the hi sign for them so she never went over.
Howard said he spent a lot of last night thinking about Nina with his pants down. He asked her to tell them about some of this children's stuff she's working on. She said she had a song to perform for him but it wasn't the children's stuff. Howard said the girls were telling him that they can do impressions and they wanted him to pass along their music and stuff for them. He also said that Maria does a lot of impressions and he got stuck listening to those as well. He just wanted to look at Nina's breasts so he had to sit through all of that.
Nina and Maria had some costumes to wear but Howard wanted to pass on them. He said they could take some commercials and get to them after that.
Howard had Robin get into some more news after that. She went through a bunch of stories that both Howard and Dee commented on. They spent quite a bit of time talking about a story about a sperm bank that had inseminated some white women with a black man's sperm and got into some trouble over that. Howard said he knew a guy who went to a sperm bank and donated his loads. They shared some stories about that for a short time.
Howard asked the fans if anyone wanted to come up and perform for them. Robin said there was one couple out there who didn't look like they belonged there. She pointed them out but they kept them around even if they didn't belong there. They had submitted a song parody so they did belong there. Howard said that no one was even talking to the guys so he felt kind of bad for them. He could relate because he wouldn't fit in if he wasn't who he is.
They broke into the old show with more of Gary talking about what was going on back then when they were recording the shows over there in England. Gary said he remembered the set up over at that Inn and how they had this one parody that a fan had created to the tune of a Phrank song. Gary said he was watching the guy performing the song when this big woman came up to the guy and started to get disgusted with the lesbian song. She was trying to climb over the booth to grab Howard but she was drunk and teetering on the side of the booth. Howard yelled at Gary to get the microphone on her and she ended up telling them to all go home. He said he remembers the anger that came from that woman and she didn't even know the show. They went back into the old show tapes after that.
Howard had Craig and Jim do their lesbian song. They sang their song but in the middle of it Howard interrupted it and had Gary go over to talk to a woman who was upset with what they were doing. She wouldn't talk on the air but a guy told them that they were offensive and slagging off the English all morning. The guy said that someone has gotten upset about it and that's it. The woman finally got on the microphone and said that she didn't want to hear them again. Howard told her that they really love the English and they'll be going home tomorrow.
The guy said that they had come in there and started going off on the English. He said that he heard him talking about how the English hated him but they really don't know who he is. Howard said he's really nobody. The guy said that if they don't know who he is, how are they supposed to like him? Howard said it was just a big misunderstanding and he really wasn't trying to cause any problems. He said he loves those guys and all of the English.
A guy from Australia told Howard that they're all welcome down there. Howard said they really have to love America because they were going to attack Libya for them. Howard went on to say that he thought that woman was going to beat the crap out of him. He said the guy had also grabbed his wrist and he thought he was going to attack him as well.
Howard had Craig and Jim get back to their song since they were in the middle of it when they were interrupted. They picked up where they left off and continued to sing their Lesbian song. They didn't have much of it left to perform so it didn't last too long.
Howard said he had to wrap up with Dee because they had the band Outside Edge there to perform. He sang him a goodbye song and let him go a short time later.
The band members were talking to Howard about the chicks they can get and stuff like that. Howard wanted them to perform live but they said they hadn't rehearsed so they didn't want to do it. Howard had Fred set up the keyboard and a guitar for them but they were still reluctant to perform. They eventually got into their song after tuning up a little bit. The band sang a little bit of their song ''Heartbeat Away'' for them.
Howard said they were great and asked if they knew the Flintstone's theme song. He wanted to hear them perform that but they didn't know it. Howard told the guys that they're going to have a great career and they want to be there for them as they get started out on the ground floor. The guys said that they're working on a video for their song. Howard said they sounded good to him and asked them to play one last song.
Howard told the guys that he's going to be in this Fiona chick's video next week so maybe they should leave a part open for their video for him as well. He convinced them to play another song a short time later. They went into the song but the singer forgot the lyrics for a second. Howard spent a short time talking to the guys about their song and said that they should be in America soon. They mentioned that they're going to be at the Hard Rock Cafe in Dallas soon so Howard let them know about how they had been booted out of the Hard Rock Cafe there in London.
After and edited out commercial break Howard got back into it with Outside Edge. Two of the guys are brothers so he asked them about what it's like to have a twin brother in the band. They didn't really have any stories to share though. Howard said it was about time to wrap up the show after that. He thanked everyone for coming in and ended the show a short time later.
Howard started off the last day in London talking about how they were at the Dickens Inn again. He said it was a love fest out there. Robin said she was exhausted from this trip. Howard said he's exhausted too and he can't wait to get home and get a real piece of fish. He also talked about how much he's been having sex with himself. He said he got back to his hotel and pulled down his pants very quickly once he got into the room. He got distracted when he saw a young kid sitting in the audience. He spent a minute talking to the kid about what he wants to do for a living. The kid, Kyle, said he wants to be a motorman or a great chef. Howard liked that he was being realistic and didn't say he wanted to be a senator or something.
Howard said that this kid Kyle has no idea what he's talking about when he says he's having sex with himself. He told him to go sit down next to his sister. He got back to his sex talk and said he was having a wild orgy with himself in the room.
Howard said that they have some great guests today. Dee Snider wasn't one of them. He said that they will have Kurt Smith from Tears for Fears coming on the show. He said they also have Dave Clark from the Dave Clark 5 coming in. Bryan Adams will also be dropping in but they're not sure what time.
Howard said he wanted to talk to some of the fans who were there with them. He said that they had given them an incredible week so far so he wanted to hear what they had to say about it. He had this guy Nino there who had won the trip but had to go visit his grandmother in Italy. Howard said he should have been with them the whole time. Nino said that his grandmother had asked him to sing something for her. He said he sang a little bit for her but now his voice is gone. He sang a little bit for Howard but he ended up making fun of him for being an emotional wreck.
Howard asked Nino to perform his song parody but Nino said his voice was gone but he would give it a try. Howard asked for a guitar and someone to play it for him. Nino performed the song and did just fine with it even though his voice was shot. Howard told him it was beautiful and he did just fine. Howard asked him about the flight to Sicily and how that went. Nino said it actually cost him more to fly from London to Sicily than it would to fly directly there from New York. It cost him $800.
Howard asked the fans if they wanted to get up and talk. The interracial couple got up to say something but Howard ended up talking about the stuff they had coming up today. The guy who got up thanked Howard for everything he had done for them this week. Howard said that the station gave each of the fans $923 for this trip so that was pretty nice of them to do that. The guy told Howard that he's the only who can do a show for four hours a morning and make people laugh like that. The guy was also saying that Scott Shannon never took his fans anywhere. The guy told Howard that he had the best time he's ever had on this trip and he'll never forget it.
Howard asked the guy to perform his song parody live for them. He wasn't sure if he could pull it off but Howard insisted. He asked the guys if they could play the Goldfinger theme so he could perform the song. They managed to pull that off.
Howard then thanked the people from the Dickens Inn since they were so good to them yesterday. He wanted to thank someone but no one wanted to come up and get on air. Howard said he just wanted to give him some ''pub-licity.'' The guy never came up but Howard said that it was a great place and thanked him for treating them so nice.
Howard had a woman there who didn't like them too much. She came in and said her name is Victoria. She said that Howard is such a moron and what surprises her is that he can find a million people who are more moronic than he is. Howard told her that America is the best country in the world. He also said he knows that there are some mutants out there but that's very insulting for her to bad mouth his fans. Howard said she was shaking in his presence. She said she had no choice but to listen to the show earlier in the week when they took over her office. She said the show really was just an annoyance to her and she didn't think that much of it.
Victoria didn't like Howard's attitude and didn't like that he was wearing dark glasses. Howard said that Stevie Wonder can wear them so why can't he? He also said that no one out there has the right to gaze into his eyes other than Robin and a select few. Victoria thinks that Howard has something to hide under those glasses. Victoria said that she wants Howard to get back to America. Howard said that he can't wait to go back... So there. Victoria said it doesn't matter if she never hears the show again because she knows no one else who listens to it.
Robin thinks that she's upset that they didn't pay much attention to her the other day when they were at her station. She said that may be the case. Robin also said that she also seems to have a problem with gays because she keeps making reference to that when she's talking about Howard.
Howard wanted to talk about some of the other stuff that was going on yesterday. He talked about the nutty woman who almost got to him and seemed to want to rip his head off. He wanted to recreate the whole scene but one of the guys who was singing wasn't there. He had one of the guys sing the song anyway and then played the tape from yesterday's show where the woman and the guy went off on him telling him to go home to America.
Howard talked about how the woman was really flipping out and he's glad that they're leaving today. He said he's fed up with all of that crap. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back from break and said that he still had Victoria there but she was all calmed down now. He wanted her all revved up and angry. She said that maybe if they bring her back at the end of the show she'll get all worked up again. Howard asked her if she ''shaves that thing'' down below. She wasn't talking. She wouldn't even tell Howard if she was married, a lesbian or even a transvestite. Howard said he thinks she's got a good body but he's not sure about that. She said she thinks that it's good and most women there shave their body hair.
Howard and Victoria went back and forth a little bit and Howard was thinking that she really wants him. She didn't agree with him and said she wasn't attracted to him at all. Robin said her eyes were telling a different story. She had a lot of snappy lines to come back with.
Howard asked Victoria how she shaved her hair when she shaved it. She didn't get into that too much. Howard said they had to get into some other stuff and get Kurt from Tears for Fears in there. He said he was all ready to get into that. He also wanted to say hello to some of the other fans he hadn't spoken to yet. He talked to this guy Rob about the song parody he had submitted and asked if he could perform it live. Rob said he wasn't sure they could do it. He had his fiancé there so Howard talked to her a little bit.
Howard was saying that he can't wait to get out of that town after the show is over today. He was stuck in a booth where he didn't want to be so Gary had to explain why he ended up there. Gary said that they had a choice of that spot or Howard not getting on air on time. Howard figured Gary was just out trying to get laid last night instead. Howard was happy that he had booked Bryan Adams for the show today so he let him off the hook.
Howard talked to the engaged couple again and asked the woman to open up her coat and let him see her breasts. He said they had given them $923 for the trip so they should show them something. They said it was actually just $920 and they were shorted three bucks. Howard tried to find out what size Marci's breasts were but he wasn't having any luck so he just asked Rob to perform his song. They attempted the song and were able to do the chant that was in the song parody. Howard played their song parody tape so they could hear what the song was really like.
Howard said it really will be nice to get away from the listeners after spending the week with them. He mentioned the guests they had coming in this morning and then talked about how crowded the pub was this morning. He then went out into the pub and asked some people some questions. He wanted to find out why there were so many people there on Good Friday. The people didn't have a lot to say though. One guy said that he was a custom's officer so Howard asked him about strip searching people. The guy said that they do have to do that once in a while. He said they might have a few guys looking in there if they have a good looking guy. Howard asked what happened with Stacy Keach when he was busted. The guy wasn't sure and just guessed at what might have happened. The guy said he was from Scotland so Howard asked him to say ''Nicaragua'' and ''Jaguar'' because he liked the way they pronounced the ''uar'' in those words.
Howard apologized for interrupting his warm beer drinking this morning. He wondered where the guy from Tears for Fears was because it was getting kind of late. Robin said that they had some other people to talk to if he wanted to. Howard went to a few others in the pub and talked to the fans who were sitting there with them. Howard asked some guys about their song parody and asked if they could perform it. They said that they probably couldn't because it had a lot of clips of Howard talking in it. One of the guys had a bit of a lisp so Howard goofed on him about that a little bit.
Howard said that the song parody was a bit technically involved so they probably couldn't go with it. Howard said they could play their parody or get the belching guy up there. Robin said maybe they should play their song and get the belching guy up there later. Howard played their song ''Heaving on a Jet Plane'' a short time later.
Howard said that they were going to have a bunch of people coming in today and the whole schedule was thrown off by late people. Gary came in and said that they were still waiting for the guy from Tears for Fears. The traffic was really bad out there today so that might be what was holding them up. Gary's voice was shot so Howard asked him what was up with that. Gary said it's probably from yelling the other night when they were out.
Howard said that they were supposed to be busy with guests today but he's spending a lot of time talking to the fans. He said that this one 17 year old girl, Lisa, was there so he talked to her about the way she covers up her face with her hair. He also said that she's old enough to drink in England so that's what she's been doing while she's there. He said that she's all hung over and strung out after drinking so he thinks that her father is kind of irresponsible for letting her do that. He asked the father to come up there so he could talk to him about that. The dad came up and said he's not trying to be Bill Cosby or anything.
Howard said that Lisa had been sulking around all day and he thinks that it was because her father wasn't letting her drink. Now that she's drinking she's back in a good mood. He said the guy should stick to his guns and not let her drink if he doesn't want her to. She was drinking some vodka and orange juice. Howard and Robin told him he should stick to his guns and not just give in to his daughter that way.
Howard told Mel that he's not a very good parent from what he could see. Howard spent a little time talking to Mel and Lisa about all of that but Mel didn't sound like he was going to budge on anything. He wrapped up with them a short time later and let them go. Howard asked Robin if she had any news to talk about today. She said there wasn't much going on because the newspapers seemed to be closed down for the holiday.
Howard called the belching song parody guy up to the microphone even though he found him to be kind of pushy and annoying. He said the guy is kind of a nudnick and he's really not normal at all. He said his silly brother was there with him too so he came up with him. They tried to do the song parody but the belching wasn't coming out very well and the song was taking forever. Howard let them do it anyway since they had nothing else going on.
The guys tried performing another belching song but that wasn't working out much better than the first one. Howard said that they really could have done all of this back in New York instead of traveling 3000 miles to do it.
Howard talked to a woman in the audience who was staring at him. She said she was just trying to see past his glasses to see what color eyes he had. Howard took them off and showed her his blue eyes. She said she would stop staring at him after that. He talked to her about going to school and tried talking her out of studying psychology because she won't be able to make any money doing that kind of stuff.
Howard talked to the guy about his gay experiences and it wasn't clear if he was lying or being serious. The guy claimed he was gay though. Howard had to take a break after that.
After the break Howard talked about the Dickens Inn that they were broadcasting from. They spent a short time talking about Charles Dickens and how he had written a lot of his stuff there at the inn. Howard also talked about how they were going to be off on Monday and on Tuesday he was going to have a major announcement. He said Jackie the Joke Man would be back with them on Tuesday as well. He said he's got a good promotion idea that he wants to talk about on that day.
Howard got back to the 'Not Just For British' game with James Mason Jr. He said that Dave Clark had canceled on them and Kurt Smith from Tears for Fears was nowhere to be found. He was also saying that Bryan Adams wasn't showing up either so he didn't know what was going on with that either.
Howard had Melissa Wakefield come up to play the game. She was going to be playing against this wacky guy who leaves his lens cover on all the time when he takes pictures. Howard spent a short time talking to Melissa about various things. He asked to see her boobs so she kind of showed him a peek at them. Howard asked her about what she does when she's making love to her man and claimed that he was playing the game at that point.
After spending a few minutes with Melissa Howard asked the guy if he had ever had any homosexual experiences. The guy said he hadn't so Howard got right into the game. Fred, playing James Mason Jr., had some questions for Melissa. He gave her words and gave her a multiple choice answer to pick from. He asked her what a Wally was and she guessed it was a ''jerk off'' and got it right. Then Howard heard from a guy in the audience who said that they didn't have that quite right. it was a gherkin pickle according to the guy.
Howard gave another contestant the word ''snog'' and asked him what that meant. The guy guessed that it was to break wind but he was incorrect. The real answer was ''a kiss.'' Fred thought it meant ''spit'' but the Brits were all yelling that they were wrong. The next word was ''banger'' and Melissa guessed that it meant ''an automobile.'' It was actually a sausage.
The audience seemed to be liking the game but they yelled at Howard that they didn't like it and it was rubbish. Howard had Fred ask another question and this one was ''To ring her up'' and the contestant guessed that it was ''to call her up'' but Fred said that was incorrect. Fred said it meant to get her pregnant.
Howard asked Melissa what a Brolly was. She knew it was an umbrella and Robin thought that she was cheating and getting help from someone in the audience. Howard told her to please not help her. Fred gave another one which was ''Teckish'' but the answers that Fred had weren't quite right. it meant hungry according to the audience. Howard said he was going to give Melissa some tickets to the Yoko Ono concert that had been canceled because they might be worth something some day.
Howard asked a couple of guys in the audience what was wrong because they looked angry. They said that they were just bored. Howard said that maybe they could do something for them but one guy said that they weren't getting paid to do it. Howard talked to the guy for a short time and asked if they really hate the Americans or something. The guy said he didn't dislike them at all. The guy wondered why they kept clapping so Howard said they do that to make the show multi-dimensional.
The Brits were complaining about Joan Rivers when Howard was complaining about how bad Benny Hill was so Howard told them that they need to get rid of both. He said that they're so sick of Joan over in the U.S. That they sent her over to England to bother them. Howard said they seem to be very sensitive about stuff over in London because if you say anything about Big Ben or anything like that, the immediately freak out. He said he hates the Statue of Liberty and he doesn't have a problem saying that.
Howard moved on to Frank Esposito so he could perform his song parody for everyone. Frank sang his song to the tune of ''We Will Rock You'' and then Howard went to commercial break.
Howard came back from break and asked Robin what she thought about this week and what her favorite part was. Robin said it was probably Roger Daltry coming in. She said it may have been finding out how talented the 30 listeners were too. She said it was a toss up between the two. Robin then said that she thinks that Bryan Adams was there. Howard asked him where he was all morning. Bryan said he was sent to the wrong place so that's why he wasn't there earlier. Gary didn't take the blame for that, he put it on the guy who he was dealing with.
Howard said that everyone there was scum to Bryan there so he told Gary to go sit on his car to make sure it didn't get towed. Howard told Bryan that if he was a homosexual he'd be kissing him right then. He said he didn't deserve to call him Bryan either because he has so much talent.
Howard asked Bryan where he lives. Bryan said he lives up in Canada still and has no desire to live in L.A. or anything like that. Bryan was telling Howard that he had a great time playing at Madison Square Garden when he was there. He said he can't wait to go back there. Bryan asked Howard if he was a movie star or something. Howard said he's been on Letterman 5 times now and he will be in Fiona's video next week. He told Bryan that he is on Letterman often so he should keep his eye out for him on that show.
Howard asked Bryan to perform one of his songs with him. Bryan thought it over a little bit so Howard brought up the story about him and Tina Turner that was in the paper. Bryan said that was just a rumor and it wasn't true. He wasn't dating Tina Turner. Bryan said that his girlfriend was there with him if he wanted to talk to her about that. Howard said she wasn't even tan so there was no confusing her with Tina Turner. Bryan said that he was with his girlfriend in Hawaii so she was the only one he was holding hands with over there.
Howard asked Bryan to perform that song with him so Bryan eventually broke down and said he'd give it a try. Bryan tried out the guitar and tested it out a little bit. Howard said he can't believe he's actually going to do it. Bryan then went into ''It's Only Love'' and Howard cheered him on through the little bit of the song that he performed. Howard also sang a couple of lines from the song. Howard said that Bryan was really happening and he wanted to play a little something himself. He said he thinks Bryan will like it. He played a little bit of one song he learned to play on guitar. Bryan told him not to give up radio.
Howard talked to Bryan a little more after that. He also took some phone calls from New York to impress him with the technology that they had. Howard tried to take the first call but no one was there. He took a second call but the woman's voice was echoing. Howard took call after call but no one was there when Tony picked up in New York. They finally got a guy who heard them and the guy just asked Bryan how he was doing. The next guy asked Bryan when he was going to release... and then the guy got confused by his echo so Howard went with that question. Bryan said he'd probably be releasing that night around 6 o'clock.
Howard took another call from another guy asking how he was doing. The guy also asked how he gets the inspiration for certain songs like Heaven. Bryan said that it's just a nice little love song. Howard wanted him to give more than that but Bryan said the script to the movie he wrote it for was really the inspiration for it.
Howard told Bryan about the fight that he and Dee Snider got into at the bar the other night. He took a couple more phone calls for him and also suggested playing some of his album. Robin said she actually went out and bought his album on CD even though she could have gotten it for free from the radio station.
Howard asked Bryan if he was having a good time. Bryan said he really was and liked that it wasn't just another boring interview. It was more like they were just hanging out. Howard took a few more phone calls for Bryan and let the fans talk to him. Howard thanked Bryan for coming in and said it was great to have him there. He said he tried not to ask too many personal questions while he was there.
Howard let Bryan go and started to wrap up their week's worth of shows. He spoke to some of the fans who were there who wanted to talk to them. Howard let some of the other people who were working hard on the show come up to the microphone to talk about this week. A bunch of fans got up and gave their thanks to Howard and the crew for bringing them over there with them. Howard thanked everyone for coming and everyone who helped out with the show. He and Robin also thanked all of their guests who showed up.
Howard talked to Stuttering John and Gary about their issues with each other. Howard told the two of them that they can't let things outside of the show affect their work there. John said he plays jokes on everyone there, not just on Gary. Howard said John had a stockbroker call Gary and tell him that he had lost all of the money that he had invested.
Gary said he's had dealings with other stockbrokers who have just closed up shop and vanished so he wouldn't have been surprised if this guy was gone today. Howard went on to play the audio of this guy Benny telling Gary that the stock he had invested in had gone out of business and all of the stocks were worthless. Gary said it was a $10,000 investment so of course he was upset about it. He said he knew what the guy was going to tell him but he was waiting for him to say exactly what he was going to say. In the tape Gary gets upset with the stockbroker and tells him that he called him five times last week trying to find out what was going on. Gary told the guy to get him a check for $7250 today. That's the kind of money he gave the guy to buy this stock. Benny tells him that it's only worth about $2100 at that point.
Howard said this bit was downright cruel. Gary said that even Doug from E! was involved in the stock thing so he overheard the conversation and was freaking out hearing this conversation going on. Howard continued to play the tape after that. Gary was still going off on Benny telling him that he never approved of him making the trade for him to get rid of that stock. Benny said that John had taken his money and ran. He also said that Doug was down a little bit of money as well.
Gary told Howard that if he had seen Benny before playing this, the bit would be even that much funnier. Howard got back to the tape and listened as Gary was going off on Benny about the way he was handling his money. Howard was impressed that Gary handled himself the way he did. He thought he was doing a good job of it. Gary eventually figured out that he was being recorded so he knew that it was a joke. He realized that John was standing there with a microphone recording him. He told both John and Benny to die.
Gary didn't understand why John was always using him in his jokes like that. John said that they've done friendly favors for each other over time and they both goof on each other. Gary said that he was really bummed out about the puppet stealing thing. John said it was just a joke and he thinks that Gary should get over it.
Ralph came in and said that John is always upset when he thinks that he's going to tell someone something and he can't believe that he keeps pulling pranks on Gary like this. John said that he's only pulled two pranks on him in 7 years so it's not constant. Howard said that Ralph doesn't get the joke and goofed on him a little bit.
John asked Ralph how he got involved in this and told him to get his berry ass out of there. He called him a dick and Ralph called him a dick. The two of them went at each other for a few seconds and John asked Howard if there was a reason that he was in there. John said that Ralph gives everyone a hard time so he's one to talk.
Howard said he likes all of this stuff, he thrives on it. He said he could listen to them fight all day long. He said he's happy when these guys are all ratting on each other and it's only going to get worse. John said that it was just a practical joke and he's not sure how this gets attached to work. He said Gary seems to have the authority to make his job miserable now.
Howard tried to wrap things up with the guys but John was rambling on and on. He eventually wrapped up the conversation and said that they were going to review some news.
Howard asked Fred what he was going to do with the cup. He wasn't sure but Howard told him to make sure he did it before Jackie did his thing. After an edit in the show we heard Howard introducing Claude Lemeiux who brought the Stanley Cup in with him. Howard said the cup was huge when he brought it in. Howard asked Claude if he listens to the show. He said he does and he couldn't believe what he was hearing the first time he heard it. Howard wondered if he heard the word penis when he tuned in the first time. Claude said he did so Howard threw out a few penis and vagina references just in case someone was just tuning in.
Howard said that no one expected the NJ Devils to win that year. They talked about that and how there weren't many fans coming out to see them. Howard told him about what they wanted Jackie to do to the cup. Claude said they had to bring the cup to the Regis and Kathie Lee show after this show so that might not work. Howard told him to just go for it and let him do it. Claude said maybe they could do that during a commercial break.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Claude about his life and talked to him about his divorce. Claude talked about some of the crazy things they've done over the years playing hockey. Howard also talked about how he wanted to have Claude go to Scores with them and have a big Stanley Cup party there.
Howard got back to the Stanley Cup and asked him what they could do to it. Claude said that he doesn't know what's been done to that thing before he got it. Howard told him that they got a call asking how they were going to get the cup to the station this morning. The people handling it weren't even looking for a ride for Claude, they were looking for a ride for the cup.
Howard thought it would be funny if Jackie went to the bathroom in the cup. He told Jackie to just get up and go in it while Claude was there. Jackie got up and took the cup into the bathroom with him. He said he was really going to go to the bathroom in it. Claude didn't try to stop him either. He said that he hopes that Regis and Kathie Lee aren't listening. Howard asked Robin if she was attracted to Claude. She said that he was a very good looking man. She wouldn't say that she wanted to date him though.
Howard said that Jackie was really out there with the Stanley Cup. He heard that Tom Chiusano was standing out there next to the cup posing with it. Howard told Claude that Tom is the dumbest guy he knows. Howard called Tom in there and also had Jackie come back in. Jackie had really crapped in the cup according to Howard. Robin thought it was just chocolate. Howard told Gary to take it and go clean it up. Howard had taken a taste of it so it obviously wasn't real crap. Howard wrapped up with Claude a short time later.
In a later clip Howard talked about how the Stanley Cup ended up in a cab heading over to Regis and Kathie Lee's show. They had about 9 guys hanging out taking care of the cup and they were all upset that they had crapped in it. They were afraid to bring it in before they came up there. He said that they assured them that it would be okay. Howard showed some faxes they got about the whole thing and people were drawing pictures of him squatting over the cup and stuff like that.
Gary talked about how Jackie had run past the guys who were there taking care of the cup. Gary said that if Jackie really did crap in the cup, he'd be fired. He knew that they weren't really going to crap in it. Gary said he and the other guys were cleaning the cup out and those guys were poking their heads in checking it out.
Triumph had a lot of jokes related to pooping and sex which were cut out in the original broadcast. Triumph joked about Tom Chiusano being one of the biggest dicks in the business. He talked about how Beth makes his pink thing swell up like Gary's lips. He said that he liked smelling the couch which smelled kind of like low tide. He smelled Pamela Anderson, Angie Everhart and others on the couch as well.
Howard talked to Triumph a little bit but then Triumph wanted to roast some of the others in the studio. Triumph was ready to go off on Artie. He said that he's so fat that hookers charge him double. He also said it was great to see him between rehabs. He was also goofing on him about how he's poison in the movie business. He was also saying that Howard seems to like to surround himself with ugly people so he looks better. He said that gets the chicks to look at him and think that he's not so hideous.
Triumph said that Robin looks hot and it's too bad she's locked in that booth. She gets to avoid all of the fart smell blame. He also said that Robin would be out on the street selling her kid for rent money if she wasn't on that show. Triumph said that Stuttering John would be a big rock star if he wasn't on that show. Since he is on, he gets to do his true love of screening phone calls. Triumph said that being a dog is good because dogs are the only ones who can hear when Fred talks.
Triumph said he sees Jackie in the supermarket once in a while because they both eat the same dog food. He said that Gary takes more poop than a port-a-potty at Lalapolooza. He said he had a dream that he was kissing Gary one night and realized he has to learn to sleep with his head away from his ass.
Howard asked Triumph if he's selling a lot of records. He said he's doing okay but he he's not as popular as Howard is. Triumph took a couple of dumps and said ''Baba Booey'' as he was squeezing them out. He went on to say that KC had told him he wanted to blow the candles... or blow out the candles on Howard's cake. He also said that KC has had more balls in his mouth than a golden retriever. He said he was pretty much done after that. He told Howard not to think that he's getting older, he's just getting closer to finding Beth in bed with a younger guy. Howard wrapped up with him after that.
Howard explained how the bit came about after Spike Lee's movie ''Jungle Fever'' came out. He said that inspired them to create this bit ''Butt Cheek Fever.'' Howard said it was written and directed by Stupid Lee. The bit included Howard as Out of the Closet Stern and Billy West playing the part of a black man who was getting him as a new secretary. Howard listened in and laughed along to the bit as they played through it.
Howard thanked Scott for his work on the bit and also thanked Jackie, Fred and Billy West for their work on it as well. Robin said that the actor who was playing the black man called a woman's breasts ''Milky Dugs'' and she wasn't sure what that was. Howard said that's a black thing from what he's heard. Fred was the one who wrote it so he said that he had read it somewhere so he used it in the bit.
Howard took a few phone calls from the fans to find out what they were thinking about the bit. The fans told him that they had enjoyed it.
The woman said that she met Gary and she knows that it was the real Gary. She had seen him on the TV show so she knew who she was out with. Gary was afraid that she was fooled by someone else, an impersonator perhaps. Howard had the woman continue her story even though Gary was suspicious of it. He said that he didn't remember ever going to a Houlihans in Manhattan but that didn't mean it didn't happen.
Howard had the woman continue her story. She said it was a hot night and she had invited him home to her parent's pool where they went for a dip. She said she told him where the shower was and he got kind of carried away. She said that Gary did her out by the pool and she would call it date rape. She said back then it wouldn't have been called Date Rape though. Gary said that never happened and she should be embarrassed by her lies.
Howard wanted to know the details of the date rape so she told Howard that they had been drinking that night. She thinks that Gary had a little too much though. Gary said he's very embarrassed by this and he knows that it never happened. She said that Gary got very rough with her and pinned her down. Gary said he would never do that and he doesn't even know who this woman is.
Gary wanted to check the validity of the story but Howard didn't have a way of doing that. Gary said she had no way of proving that he even knew him. She said she wasn't going to call but now that she knows he's engaged, she felt she had to call. The woman said that she drove Gary home but he wanted to know where that was. She said they never made it there. Then she said that there was no apology from Gary and then he knew where she lived so she was kind of frightened of that.
Howard said he didn't know what to feel about him after hearing this story. He then asked him what day it was and Gary realized it was an April Fools joke. Howard said he was sweating bullets during that whole thing. Howard told Carol on the phone that she had done a great job. She had come in one other time when she pretended to rape Howard under his console. That was another April Fools Day prank that they pulled. Howard thanked Carol for the help with these ''Rapril Fools'' pranks they've pulled. He let her go a short time later.
Howard didn't think that the pool part was believable. Fred had pulled that story from Penthouse Forums so that's why Gary didn't fall for it. Fred thought that he was falling for it though. Gary said he knew it was a fake story well before that though.
Howard had a guy on the phone who claims that he used to claim he was Gary from the Howard Stern Show and he got laid because of it. He said it worked very well before the TV show started. He no longer does it. He said it worked the first time and he was flipping out after that. He said he used to go to this club on Long Island where he'd meet chicks and fool them into thinking that he was Gary. He said he'd ask the women if they recognized him and then he'd let them know he was Gary from the Howard Stern Show. They'd always fall for it. Then he'd bang them. Robin wondered if the chicks were good looking. The guy claims that the chicks were hot too. Howard wasn't so sure about that but the guy said they really were. He said he really works with computers and he would never go out with the girls a second time.
The guy said one girl caught him and wasn't so happy that he'd done what he'd done. She was disgusted with him although she did sleep with him one more time before the called it off. He said that she was very loose so that's how he got her the second time. Howard told the guy that he had committed some crimes by doing that stuff. The guy said he had some crazy sex with the chicks. He said he'd never call the chicks back either. He said he did it three times and only saw one of the girls more than one time.
The guy said that he doesn't do it anymore because he's afraid of getting caught. The guy said he doesn't even look like Gary, he doesn't have those ''African features'' that Gary has. Jackie started laughing his ass off when he heard that. Howard said Gary does have some African features and goofed on him about that. Howard let that guy go a short time later.
The host of the TV show ''Politically Incorrect'', Bill Maher, came in to talk to Howard this morning. Bill was also plugging an appearance he's making this Saturday at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte, North Carolina. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Bill about this Playboy Playmate Karin Taylor they had on the show one time. Karin told Howard how Bill broke up with her by writing her a letter and handing it to her after a date. Bill said that was true and he thinks the letter is more personal than telling her to her face that they're breaking up. He said one part of her story wasn't true. She claimed that he let her off in front of a hospital because he thought she was going to attempt suicide. He said that just wasn't true. After that story Howard told Bill how much his parents enjoyed him when he did Larry King's show recently. Bill said it's too bad ''..old Jews don't count in the ratings''.
Eventually Howard told Bill what he was really there for.. a special version of Politically Incorrect starring Crackhead Bob, Fred the Elephant Boy, Beetlejuice the dwarf and Croy the crazy old bat. Howard brought them all in and when Bill saw Beetlejuice he told Howard that he's ''..a sick man.'' Bill told Howard he was insulted by the whole thing but he went along with it anyway. Croy went into her wacky stories about how Ronald Reagan stole her architecture. Bill finally got control of the situation and started the discussion. He brought up a few topics during the segment and all of the wack packers would attempt to comment on them. The first topic had something to do with President Clinton and Boris Yeltsin's summit. No one could follow it except Croy. Croy rambled on about something that led to her Ronald Reagan thing.
The second topic was about this 13 year old kid who was convicted of murder and whether or not he should get the death penalty. All of the wack pack said, in their own way, that they think he should get the death penalty. The third topic was about Jesse Jackson defending some high school kids who were suspended for 2 years after fighting. Bill thought they should only get 2 days. The wacko's mumbled something unintelligible. Croy said they should get 90 days.
The next topic was the last one.. Bill brought up a restaurant that added a 15% tip to a black customer's bill because the owner said blacks don't tip. The wack packers barely understood the topic so their discussion was pointless. Croy ended up saying that everyone should put one dollar on the table. A bunch of callers thought that this was the funniest ''Politically Incorrect'' they've ever heard.
Before Bill left he told Howard a story about how he got beaten up by a bunch of young black kids. He was in a theater watching a movie and they were running up and down the aisle's making noise. He walked over to the, told them to shut the f-up and sit down. When the movie was over they sucker punched him in the back of the head. Howard thought he was nuts for doing that.
Howard talked to Donny about his life and what he's been up to lately. Robin asked Donny what kind of money he made when he was really big in the business. Donny talked about how he and his family knew the Jackson family and used to hang out with them. He said the families were both very big and he and Michael got along because of that.
Howard and Robin talked to Donny about his own family and found out that he had to get away from them because he needed the freedom from the rest of them. He said that he and his sister are getting back together to do some things.
Howard talked to Donny about some comments he made about Rosie O'Donnell but Donny didn't want to go over that again because he had gotten into some trouble over it. Howard then found out that Donny had once seen his sister naked when he walked into her dressing room while she was changing. She didn't know it at the time but she does now. Donny said he was about 18 at the time.
Howard asked Donny if he and his sister are going to call their show the Donny and Marie show again. Donny said it's kind of funny because his real name is Donny but his sister's real name is Olive so he had suggested calling it the Donny and Olive show. Howard gave Donny a few plugs for the stuff he was there to sell this morning.
Howard asked Donny if he banged a lot of chicks when he was famous before he got married. Donny said he didn't have any women until he did get married. Howard said that's a waste of poon. Donny said he was only 20 when he got married and his wife was a virgin and only 19. Howard said that he must have been going nuts back then. Donny said he did have a lot going on in his head back then but he would just pray to God about that stuff. Howard said he must be conflicted about that stuff. He must have a war going on in his head. Donny said that's not the case. He just abstains from that stuff.
Howard figured Donny must have masturbated a lot back then and even now. Donny said he doesn't do that at all now. Howard said that he must think about wanting other women even now. Donny said that there is an urge there but he doesn't act on it. He said he's never had another woman so Howard figured he'd only seen one vagina. Donny said that he has seen others in magazines but he's only had the one. He said it was difficult being with his wife before they got married because they never had sex before they got married.
Howard said that he'd hate to be Donny's shrink. Donny said that he has been to the shrink and he thinks it's important do go to one. That led to Howard finding out that Donny had never had anal sex. Donny said that he would do it if his wife wanted him to but he really doesn't think that he's missing out on it. Howard also found out that Donny has never had oral sex either so he talked to him about that. Howard said that Donny has had a pathetic life if that's true. Donny said that he's had a great life and his wife treats him very well.
Donny said that he and his wife have tried vibrators and things like that. He said that they are very happy doing the things they do too. Howard said he must think about that stuff all the time even worse than he does. Howard asked him if he wanted to go to Scores with him. Donny said he wasn't interested so Howard told him to wink if he really did want to go. He joked that Donny had winked but said he was just kidding.
Howard played some of Donny's album but couldn't get over the oral sex thing. He said he still can't believe that his wife doesn't do that for him. Even Fred's wife does that for him. Fred said he has to force her to do it though. Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to talk to Donny about the oral thing. She said she would do it for him if his wife won't. Donny said that won't be necessary though. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he heard that Donny had hit on his sister in an elevator one time. Howard told Donny that they had Frank Bank on the show the other day and he claimed that he had banged over 1000 women. That guy played Lumpy on ''Leave it to Beaver'' and he was banging tons of chicks.
Howard told Donny that it was a pleasure seeing him and he really made his day. He then reviewed everything that they had just learned. He went over him seeing his sister naked and how she wasn't shaved. He also talked about how he hadn't had any poon and stuff like that before wrapping up the interview.
Howard said he told Gary not to take that puppet to his appearances. He said the puppet is a superstar and he loves it more than any person on the planet. He asked him how he can lose something like that. Howard asked Gary where he was and where the puppet was. Gary said he was in Little Falls, New Jersey and someone stole it while he was there. The puppet is now gone and he has no idea where it is.
Gary said the owner of the store wanted to show him his stereo system so he walked out of the store and that's when the puppet was taken. Howard asked Gary if he had called the cops yet. Gary said he hadn't done that yet. He said the owner is willing to pay for a new one to be made and that might take a couple of weeks. Howard asked Gary to just go himself from now on and not take the puppet. He said he can't trust him with his property.
Howard had a caller on the line who said that he was there at the store and thought that the guys were pulling a prank on Gary. Howard ended up hanging up on that guy because he didn't have his camera on him. Gary knew that something was up and wondered why Howard hung up on that guy so quick. Howard said goodbye to Gary and told him to leave after he gave him a big smirk like he was in on the whole thing.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard he had another guy on the line who saw the puppet get stolen. The guy said that he saw Gary after the puppet disappeared and he was so white he looked like a mime with big green teeth. He said he could see the dread in his face when the puppet had vanished. Howard asked for someone to return the puppet so they could move on. He said Gary was staring at him like he had done something wrong.
Howard said this did seem kind of dumb because it's all over a puppet. He said he's not even mad at Gary for the puppet being taken when he had nothing to do with it. He said he doesn't get Gary and asked him why he would give him that look when he had nothing to do with it.
Gary said the guy on the phone didn't even see what happened, he wasn't there. He said he still thinks that this is a practical joke that they're pulling on him because they've done that to other people on the show. He said he was promoting this gig for two weeks and he could just about see the smile on Jackie's face. Gary said he had someone watching over the puppet for him so he should have been okay.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had the puppet. He said he was looking at the puppet as they spoke and described what he was wearing. Howard asked to talk to the puppet so the guy did his Gary impression and goofed on Gary a little bit. Gary claimed that the guy had left a ransom note so he was going to run out to get it. Howard continued to talk to the guy for a short time and then Gary came back in and said that he has his license plate number. He also said that stealing the puppet is a felony because it's worth over $600. The guy said that he was showing the puppet to friends and he had offers to buy it.
Howard said he doesn't know what this guy is going to be doing to the puppet while he has it. He said that he's not sure he wants it back now. He asked the guy to just give it back. The guy said he lives in New Jersey so he could have it there in 15 minutes... for the right price. Tom Chiusano came in and said they're not going to negotiate with a criminal. He said they have a lead and they will call the police and get things in gear.
The caller said he wanted $2,000 for it and he'd bring it in. Howard said he would pay. He asked if he wanted to do it at a drop off point or something so they could avoid the police. Ralph came in and said that he could make a new one with two thousand dollars. Tom said he thinks they should go after that guy. Howard wanted to know what they should do with Gary. Gary wanted to get the puppet back first and then decide. Howard said he thinks that Gary hates the puppet so much that he left it alone hoping that it would disappear. Gary said that's not the case.
Howard said that the puppet has gotten more popular than him and that's why he wanted it to disappear. Gary said he loved the puppet. Howard wondered why he didn't let him know that the puppet had been stolen right away. Gary had the license plate number and should have reported it immediately. Gary said this was turning out as bad as he expected it to. Howard and Robin goofed on him for not calling the cops right away.
The caller said he was going to jack up the price to $5,000 since he did have some offers for that much. Howard said he would call off the deal and call the cops on him instead. The guy said that this is the original puppet and it's like having the original Charlie McCarhty doll. Howard said this is like negotiating with Jackie.
Howard said he really wanted to resolve this whole thing and decided that they're not going to negotiate with the guy. A cop had showed up to take some information down. The cop came in but he was a New York City officer. The crime took place in New Jersey so they had to report it there. That led to Howard telling the cop how dopey Gary is and how he should have reported this over the weekend.
Howard had Gary repeating after him. He had him talking about how incompetent he is and that he will stop taking that stuff and also stop taking stupid pills and dumb capsules. Robin said she can't believe he did something he was told not to do. Howard said this wasn't the first time he's been fooled and it won't be the last. He said his first reaction was to say no to him and that's what he should have done.
Howard said that he's not going to be a nice guy on this show anymore. If he wants the puppet to stay there, it's going to stay there from now on. John said that they had a private investigator there. Howard told him to keep that guy around so they could hire him to find Gary's brain.
Howard said that they were actually going to have that puppet host ''Talk Soup'' on E!. Howard told Gary that he needs a real producer and he needs to get rid of him. Howard said he wanted to finalize everything and wrap up. He got the owner of the store, Nick, on the phone and asked him what had gone on. Nick said he was demonstrating the mini-disc system he had in his car and they left the puppet behind. He said that they had a lot of people in the store and someone took their eyes off the puppet for a short time. He said that Gary was very upset and it turned the place into a funeral.
Gary said that this all happened about a half hour before he was done with the appearance. Nick said he did hear some people talking about stealing the puppet and he should have known something was going on. He also said he had asked Gary if he wanted him to report the theft to the police but Gary didn't want him to. Gary said he didn't think that it would help things out at the time.
Fred came walking in with the puppet a short time later. Gary said that he knew that they had set him up. Howard said he didn't know anything. Howard said he would be nuts to let that puppet out of his sight. He said they plotted the stealing of that puppet for three weeks. He said Gary had asked him if he could borrow the puppet and that led to them coming up with the plan. John said that he was the one who actually stole the puppet so of course he knew about it. Gary kept calling him over the weekend freaking out about it.
John said that the car that they drove off in was his assistant's car. Gary said that the plate number he had was actually a bad number. He had tried to report it but it was missing a number or one of the numbers was wrong. Gary wondered if they were going to have video tape of the whole thing too. Howard said they didn't have that. Fred did his Gary Puppet impression and goofed on Gary with the puppet for a few seconds.
Howard said they came up with this plan after some discussion and they weren't sure they were going to be able to pull it off. Then they got the owner of the store involved and had him help them out with the plan. Gary said he's amazed that no one caved in after seeing him freaking out on them.
Howard said that John called him that night to tell him he had the puppet. He wanted to call the whole thing off but John wanted to keep the joke going for a while. That's why they kept it going until this morning. Gary said he wanted to come in and search the station for the puppet this morning. John said the puppet was safe in a car out on Madison Avenue this morning. Gary asked whose idea it really was. Howard wasn't sure but he thinks that it might have been Jackie. Gary had placed the blame on him earlier in the morning and it was almost as if he was quoting him according to Jackie.
Jackie said that it would have been great if they could have stolen the puppet from John as well. John said he had that in mind so he was expecting it. Gary said that he and his wife were talking about it and they figured this would be dragged out for a few more days at least. John said that he regrets not recording the calls he had with Howard. He said they were laughing together about the whole thing. Howard said he told John to tell the guy to call in with the puppet demanding ransom money. Gary was also fooled because Howard didn't bring up the puppet early this morning like he expected him to.
Gary said that he was so exhausted and depressed that he went to bed at about 6:30 last night. He said he woke up 3 or 4 times during the night as well. Howard took a call from a guy who said he was there and very upset that the puppet had been stolen. Howard said this whole thing worked out great. They had been planning it for three weeks and it worked out very well.
That was it for Howard Stern's Mammary Lane for today. Richard Christy had hosted the show and introduced each of the bits. The show was over by about 10:10am.
Gary said that he likes a lot of the Fritz Frehling stuff that's out there. He said that the Jay Ward cartoons are worth a lot of money too. Howard said he had no idea these guys were sitting around still drawing that stuff. Robin still didn't know what he meant by a ''cell'' so Gary had to explain that to her. He said it's a single frame of an animation. Howard asked if the people laugh when he goes into the store. Gary said the store was actually very busy yesterday.
Gary said that one of the women who works there used to be on TV and in a movie. They talked about her for a short time. They goofed on Gary about that for a few minutes and then found out that he pays about $600 for a cell. Gary said he thinks that they're an investment. They were just selling for about $300 a couple of years ago. Howard did more of his Gary impression and continued to goof on him. Howard said he likes how Gary squanders his money on trinkets like that. Jackie said it's like when Ralph Cramdden came home with the house made of popsicle sticks that were supposed to be from the king of some country thinking it was going to be worth something.
Howard asked Gary how big the cells are. Gary said they're about 11 by 17 inches. Howard told Robin that Gary had just bought some magic beans too. He wondered if he did that so they'd stop goofing on his mouth. Howard also joked that one of Gary's teeth is about 11 x 17. Howard said Gary sold the family car when he was in high school and ended up buying the Brooklyn Bridge with that money. He also said that he bought some clay that used to be Gumby. The Pokey clay had been destroyed. Howard did his impression of Gary talking to his mother about buying that stuff. He and Jackie were cracking up laughing while going over all of that.
Robin said that she was surprised that Gary wasn't into Hercules and stuff. Gary said there are a lot of other things that he could buy. He was thinking about getting a ''Quick Draw McGraw and a Baba Booey.'' Howard asked him how much a Baba Louie goes for and Gary repeated the ''Baba Booey'' thing again. Howard immediately picked up on that and started goofing on him about the ''Baba Booey'' screw up.
Howard said that Gary likes to collect a lot of crap and continued to goof on him about collecting those cartoon art cells. Gary said he was exhausted with that stuff. He had to get going. Howard said he had to yell at Gary about some stuff this morning. He said he had to go off on him about the articles he likes to save about himself. He said he had to tell Gary that he has to clip those articles out and put them in a folder for him. They were still talking about the Baba Booey thing and goofing on Gary about that. Robin brought it up and laughed at him for calling that character by the wrong name.
Howard said that Gary started collecting the articles that he was collecting for him so he doesn't know what's going on with that guy. They continued to bring up the Baba Booey thing and about him Xeroxing the articles that he was giving to Howard so he'd have a copy that might be worth something someday just like those cells would. Howard and Jackie talked about how this is not over yet. They're not done making fun of Gary and his Baba Booey mistake. Gary thought that they had exhausted the whole discussion. He had no idea that they were going to keep going with it.
Howard said that yesterday he had about 9 articles out about him and Gary wasn't cutting them out for him. He said there were a bunch of things that came out last week that he lost because Gary wasn't saving them for him. Howard was still wondering how Gary could have mistaken that name Baba Louie for Baba Booey. He thought he was having trouble getting that name past his teeth or something. Robin goofed on him about the way he said it really fast too. She kept repeating it so Howard asked the guys to pull a clip of Gary saying it so he could play it.
Howard had the Baba Booey clip within a short time so he kept playing it over and over again. Howard said he needed an instant replay on what he had heard so he had to have an instant replay to hear what he said. He had Scott get the tape ready. He replayed the audio where Gary was correcting him on the Baba Louie thing. They had him saying Baba Booey over and over again and Howard said he had to hear it even more.
Jackie said Gary was talking about how it wasn't funny after about 30 minutes but he told him that's when it gets really funny. Howard played the clip again where Gary said ''Baba Booey'' and said it sounded like he was a robot or something.
In another clip we hear Howard adding the Baba Booey clip into a song bed that he used for his commercials. Howard said they could remake the song using the Baba Booey clip.
They moved on to another segment where Howard started calling Gary ''Baba Booey'' for screwing something up. He was complaining about his food not being there so he told ''Baba Booey'' to get out of there. He said that Gary just hasn't caught on to how he does that show. That led to them playing the Baba Booey clip even more and blaming it all on Baba Booey. Gary came back in and said something but Howard was still calling him Baba Booey. After a quick fast forward we heard more of Howard renaming Gary to Baba Booey. Gary said he smelled a big set up and though that they were jerking him around. They threw in that ''Baba Booey'' clip over and over again.
KC came in to make a big announcement this morning. He has always been ripped on about gambling because it's for losers. He was playing GoldenPalace.com a little while ago. He was playing a game called ''Let it Ride'' which is a card game. He explained the game and how it works. He was dealt a hand that could have led to a royal flush. He turned over the fourth card and had 4 cards in the same suit. He hit the royal flush and hit a $330,000 payout. It happened a few months ago. He moved to a new apartment that was double what he was paying before. He didn't wait for that check to arrive before he moved though.
KC said there was a second part to this story. He said that he was going to fix the cavities in his teeth and he was going to clear up his debts and stuff. Howard knew the story was going downhill from here. He figures that KC can't quit the job because he probably owes him money. KC said that the cash out is supposed to take four days. Now it turns out that the payout is over time. He gets paid $4000 a week for a year and a half so things were looking good for him and his family. They've never had that kind of money before. He was going to be comfortable for the first time in his life.
KC decided to go back on GoldenPalace.com and dick around a little more. He just wanted to screw around a little bit and play some $100 slot machines and stuff. All of a sudden he realized that he was down $20,000. The money just wasn't real to him at this point. He blew all of that within a day or so. This all took place back in February. Howard wondered how he had time to do all of this stuff. KC said it all happened in the course of a week... and he lost ALL OF IT! $330,000 gone!
Gary said that KC came to him when he had $200,000 left in his account and told him what happened. Gary congratulated him on that and begged him to stop. A couple of weeks later he was complaining about his life and how he was broke. That's when he found out that he'd blown all of that money.
Even Artie was hoping that KC wouldn't blow all of that money but it all went wrong. Howard asked KC how much his father made in his best year. It was probably around $40,000. He could have blown that amount out of the water but he blew it. KC thought that Howard was beating him while he was down. KC said he was uncomfortable being comfortable and that's why he sabotaged himself. He still thinks that the online casino is the way to go if you're going to gamble. KC says that he has stopped gambling since then.
Zolar called in to tell KC what a loser he was for blowing that amount of money. Some other people called in and went off on him as well. That led to the guys talking about how football season is coming up so KC will probably be betting. KC said he really doesn't care about sports now because he's not betting. He knows about football just because he's a football fan. Artie doesn't believe what KC is saying and he thinks that he will eventually bet again. A phone caller told Howard that he won $200,000 in a lawsuit and lived for 4 years on that and still has some leftover.
KC has a great apartment now and it's costing him double the amount his previous one did. Now he has to work every weekend and does every gig he can get. KC said that he couldn't believe how fast that amount of money could disappear. Howard told him that he's really sick. He needs to go to gamblers anonymous. Dominic Barbara called in and said that he should have called him for help when all of this was going on. KC said he had a list of people he was going to help out with this money. He said that he kept a list of people who helped him out when they didn't have to and he wanted to pay them back. Dominic said that he has given up on trying to help KC with his mental problems. KC said that he's not a selfish person and he never had the money in his hand so he couldn't pay him back for the help he gave him.
Tom Chiusano wondered if there was really a deal for KC to pay Dominic back for the help he provided. There was no agreement for him to pay him back as far as anyone knew. Dominic may have just been trying to point out how big of a deal this was that KC blew all of that money. Howard figures that KC must be the worst player ever to have blown all of that money that quick. He told him that this mental illness makes Artie look healthy. Howard believes that he is very ill and proved it with this whole thing. A woman called in and said that she didn't believe a word of this and that it was just a shameless plug for GoldenPalace.com. Howard said he wishes that were the case. Richard Christy called in as the Head Fag from the Playgirl mansion and told KC about a game of Texas Hold 'em that they were playing this weekend. He said that if KC can catch the 10 cowboys in their assless chaps, he can hold 'em.
Gary said the guys in the back were talking about how KC could have bought his own slot machine and filled it with $20,000 and had a party at his place. Scott the Engineer came in and asked if this means that KC is the biggest loser on the show now. Howard said that Scott is still the biggest loser, not KC. That led to the guys talking about the offer Scott had to win $250,000 to receive anal sex. He was going to do it until his family convinced him that it was a bad idea. Howard spent a couple of minutes goofing on him about that before going to commercial.
Howard said he's sure that Gary told him it was a sponsor of theirs. Gary said he had no reason to do that though. Howard said Gary gave him a whole rap about that and he does that to him all day long. Gary said this is the scariest thing Howard has ever done. He never told him that it was a sponsor and he's lying about that. Howard asked him where his brain is. Gary said he can't accept a whole Sega channel from someone if they're not a sponsor. Gary said he didn't know that.
Howard was complaining about the stink in the studio coming from the garbage. He asked Gary to get that out of there because it was so bad. He continued to go off on Gary about what he did. He said he was going to give it a try for a couple of months so he asked Jeff Schick from IBM to come over and help him out. He got it all installed and they had to use a whole computer set up to get the thing working. Then he read that he had to sign a contract saying he was responsible for the equipment and he didn't like that. He had Laura call up Gary and ask him why he was signing that stuff. He didn't think it was right to have to take something like that if it wasn't a sponsor.
Howard said once he got the contract, he asked Gary what was up with that and tried to confirm if they were a sponsor. That's when he found out they weren't a sponsor. Gary said he never told him they were a sponsor and there's no reason for him to tell him something like that. Howard said he had to have told him that otherwise he wouldn't have taken it into his house.
Howard said he had Gary return a computer printer recently because they weren't a sponsor and he couldn't just take it. He said he doesn't even like taking stuff from sponsors. He insisted that Gary told him it was a sponsor but Gary swore on his mother's life that it never happened. Howard said the computer rig they sent over was huge and he doesn't know if it costs $200,000 or something like that. He just doesn't want to have that in his house.
At one point Gary told Howard that he was a dictator because of the way he was treating him. Howard told Gary ''No, you're a dick and I'm a 'tator!'' Gary left the studio mumbling something about Howard being a Nazi or something. Howard continued to say that Gary had told him that the Sega Channel was a sponsor. Robin said she remembers Gary sitting at a table with them and flipping through the notes he had and telling Howard that Sega was coming on and they wanted to hook him up with the gaming system. Howard said he figured he could have something to talk about if they were a sponsor so that's why he had it installed.
Howard said now he has to deal with Tom Chiusano about the whole thing. Tom came in and asked Howard what they sent to him. Howard told him it's a whole big computer terminal that they had to hook up in his house. Tom said this was the first he was hearing of it. Howard thought it was one of their clients though. Tom said they're not one of their clients, other than the 20 minutes of the show they spent talking about it though.
Gary came back in and asked Howard why they can go to Scores and they're not a sponsor. Howard said he cleared that with Tom ahead of time. He doesn't just bring them up on the air and plug them without Tom's approval. Howard said that when someone comes to them like Sega did, they're looking for free plugs. He tried to tell Gary what he was talking about but Gary was arguing that he was just giving him a hard time and his argument was very thin.
Howard asked Jackie if he remembers hearing that Sega discussion in the meeting. Jackie said he may have heard the word Sega but he doesn't remember the conversation. Gary Puppet came to life and told Howard that his job is making his life miserable. The real Gary left at that point. Robin said she knows that Gary never said that this Sega thing was coming from a publicist. Tom told Howard he really should return the system even though they just did a half hour commercial for them. Howard said he would do that but it might take him a week or so to make it happen.
Howard said he has never accepted anything from a company if they're not a sponsor of theirs. That's why he wouldn't have taken this Sega thing if he hadn't been told they were a sponsor. He couldn't believe that Gary didn't know all of this stuff. He said that's why Letterman's guy Morty gets paid so much more than Gary. He pointed out that they had a new sign up on Gary's office door that says ''Baba Booey'' to remind him of who he really is. He said a listener sent that in for them.
Howard said Gary has a great memory but it's all for stupid crap. Gary Puppet came to life and said that Gary remembers stuff from movies that are useless. They had some fun with that for a few seconds but Howard said that he was pounding his head into the wall over that whole thing yesterday. His kids were playing the Sega thing and he had to break the news to them that they had to get rid of it. They had friends coming over to play it and everything.
Howard tried calling Gary but Gary told him to ''drop dead'' when he picked up. Howard called back and pretended to be from a Toshiba saying he wanted to send over some free cameras. Gary told him to send them right over. Howard said that Gary hadn't come in during the commercial break to produce the show. He said he doesn't know what Gary is doing back there in his office making deals.
Howard told Gary to come in there with the Sue Simmons contest. Gary just wanted to play the game but Howard was still goofing on him about the whole Sega Channel thing. Gary said he really didn't know that he did wrong because he said he knew that it wasn't a sponsor from the beginning. He wouldn't have told Howard that it was either. Howard kept goofing on Gary for a few more minutes.
Howard told him that he was going to be under arrest for being a moron. He wrapped up with Trevor a short time later and said that may just end up in the headlines. He said they also wrote a play about Princess Diana called ''My Dead Lady'' that they were going to perform live. Howard asked the guys if they were going to do it and Jackie told him that he's the boss so it's up to him. Howard said he doesn't know why he always calls him ''the boss'' like that because he doesn't like it.
Howard said they were going to try the bit but he wasn't sure if it was going to work out or not since they hadn't rehearsed it. They went right into it a short time later. Fred was doing his French accent playing the part of Henri Paul. Robin played Princess Diana and Howard played Dodi Al-Fayed. Since the bit was supposed to be a spoof of ''My Fair Lady'' there was a lot of singing as if it were a musical. Everyone had a song to sing at some point during the bit.
Jackie ended up screwing up when his music came on so Howard went off on him about that and had to restart the song for him. Jackie then started to laugh as he was singing so Howard figured he was going to do that through the whole song. Jackie stopped his laughing and sang his song.
After the play Howard said he thought it was actually pretty great. He said that if they had rehearsed it, it may have been better. He wasn't sure if they would ever perform it again though.
Steve Grillo came in and told Howard that the last time he did a gig with Scott he saw him do a quick change behind his DJ booth. Scott said that there was no one there so that's where he did it. Howard let the caller, Ray, go a short time later. He took another call from a guy, Bud, who said he was the guy who trained Scott. He said he had a story about Scott. Howard interrupted him and said that Scott is just a sad sack and he's like a comic book character with that name. He said he's the Sad Sack of the radio station and he's always getting yelled at by his wife and stuff like that. He reminded everyone that Scott had come to them years ago about not being able to make money so they helped him get his DJ business started years ago. Scott got that started up with a couple thousand dollars. He actually included them as owners in the business so he would give them money after he did his gigs.
Howard said that Scott's business started doing well but he ended up owing everyone money. They all took a vote and decided that he didn't have to pay them anything. Gary said that he took his cut though because he was broke back then. He said they all took their money back. Gary said Scott never makes any money because he has to spend so much money on CDs and stuff like that. Howard said Scott is now a Disco DJ but he's the last person you'd want at your party. Gary said that Scott is always complaining about something when they go out and do things.
Howard pointed out that Scott is the guy who can't wait to start smoking when they fly somewhere. Gary also said that he's the guy who got paid to do a gig and ended up leaving the money on the roof of his car and had it blow away. Stuttering John said that Scott used to have to drive an hour to drop off the tapes when they'd do shows out in L.A. while everyone else would be done with work.
Gary said that when Scott started there he was in a hole money-wise and his wife was pregnant and they had two car payments to make and he had been out of work for a while. The guy has the worst luck. Howard goofed on Scott about the job he picked to do and how he can't make any money doing it. Stuttering John said that he wanted to pay Scott to do some engineering on some songs for him but $20 an hour wasn't enough for him so he couldn't do it.
Howard asked this guy on the phone, Bud, what had gone on with him. Bud said he was at this pool one time at a place called Windsor Park. Scott was playing music for the pool club and Scott ended up cursing at the kids. Scott said that Bud wasn't there. Bud said he heard this from someone and heard that Scott was cursing on the microphone and the kids could hear him using the F-word. Scott heard that Bud had ripped off some company he worked for but Bud denied that. Bud also claimed that he had done a favor for Scott about a year ago when he subbed him out for liability insurance. He was supposed to get $50 from Scott but he never got the money. Scott claimed he didn't know what he was talking about.
Howard asked Scott if he really lost his gig at the Windsor Park pool. Scott said he did but he didn't curse out the kids. They kept digging to find out why Scott had lost the gig. Scott said that there was an incident where the kids attacked him and that's when he lost the gig. He was giving away prizes at the pool and about 50 kids literally jumped him. He said they were about 6, 7 and 8 year olds who jumped him. He said when you're standing there with a box of toys, they jump you. He said they didn't hit him or anything but he did say ''one at a time'' but they ignored him. He said he didn't yell or curse but he did get on mic and tell people that he couldn't work like that.
Howard asked Scott to record all of his gigs so they can hear him doing that stuff. Howard said the kids must see him doing that stuff and just want to jump him for the hell of it. Robin was laughing and goofing on Scott about the kids being out of control thing. She was picturing him telling people he couldn't work like that as the kids were attacking him.
Howard took a call from this woman who said that she knows that Scott owes that guy Bud some money. Howard said he didn't really want to hear about that and said he was going to let the callers go. Bud thanked Howard for letting him vent like that as he was getting off the phone.
Another caller said that Scott owes him $34 because they loaned him the money one day when he was there. Scott said he will go and pay them the money today. Robin said she still couldn't get over the story about him getting attacked by the 6 year olds. Howard asked Scott to sing a little ''Hands Up'' for them. He wasn't going to do it though.
Howard asked Scott what kind of bathing suit he wears when he does those pool parties. Scott said he just wears shorts and a hat. The guys were still goofing on him about the kids attacking him. Howard said it must be like Scottmania when the kids are all going after him. Howard said it must be like the Pied Smoker when the kids are following him around. He had to wrap it up after that.
Howard mentioned that WWF wrestler Booker T would be on the show later today. He replayed the interview that Stuttering John did with him recently where he asked a bunch of general knowledge questions. Booker T didn't know a lot of the answers and he ended up talking about how he's not a fan of Howard's because he degrades women. After playing it Howard said that you could see the interview today should be interesting.
A short time later... WWF Wrestler Booker T came in this morning but he wasn't thrilled to be there. Stuttering John had done an interview with him earlier this month after Howard saw him fail miserably on ''The Weakest Link.'' At that time Booker T said he wasn't a fan of Howard's but he would appear on the show. He did show up but Gary said someone went in to talk to him in the green room and he said he just wanted to get the interview over with. Howard replayed the Stuttering John interview and then brought in Booker T.
Howard was afraid that Booker was going to come in and beat the crap out of him because of what John did so they ended up keeping him in Robin's booth. Robin came out and sat on the couch so Booker would be locked in the booth alone. Howard spoke to Booker for a few minutes about what John did and how he felt about it. Booker said that he had a migraine headache that night and John's questions were irritating him. Howard thought that when he was on ''The Weakest Link'' they insulted him too but Booker didn't feel that way. Howard told him that Vince McMahon should be trying to protect Booker T's image so they shouldn't have had him go on that show. Booker said he got paid to do that show and he didn't mind it.
Stuttering John ended up asking Booker ''How many sides are on a pentagon?'' a couple of times and Gary was ready to kill John himself. He told him before the interview that he wasn't to ask any questions but he did it anyway. He ended up apologizing to Booker T for asking the question.
Howard asked Booker if he wanted to come out of the booth to talk to him. Booker said he was comfortable in there so he stayed there. Booker moved on to talk about being in jail and what that was like. He said he's writing a book about his life but he doesn't have a release date at this time. He said he's just letting his career go where it's going right now.
Howard also asked Booker about who he's dating. Booker said he's dating a newcomer to the WWF by the name of Charmell Sullivan or something like that. Howard asked him if he'd ever date someone like Chyna who looks like a man to him. Booker said he'd date someone like that but his girlfriend is very feminine.
Howard asked Booker about some of the lawsuits he's got against him too. He's got one case against him for using the term ''spin-a-roonie.'' He mentioned the law suits he's got when Stuttering John interviewed him.
Booker says he'll retire from wrestling in 2 years so he can move on be a motivational speaker for kids. He's not planning on making wrestling a lifetime career.
After talking to Booker T for a little while Howard said he's never going to get into an argument with him again. Stuttering John said that he'd fight Booker T if he had to. Howard said he'd just curl up in a ball because he knows he'd get his ass beaten. John said that if Booker T punched him, he'd punch him right back. Booker told Howard that if John punched him he'd just keep beating his ass. He said he'd stop if the guy cried though.
Howard wrapped things up and took one phone call. The caller said his kid wanted to talk to Booker T but his wife had to take the kid to school. The guy said that Booker T really is all about the kids and he signs a lot of autographs wherever he goes. Howard then promoted the upcoming WWF Royal Rumble that's on Pay-Per-View this Sunday night. Booker T predicts that he'll win the whole Rumble thing Sunday night.
Howard told Steve that he's not going to get that part because Stuttering John was scamming him. Grillo had no idea so Howard explained how John pulled it off. He said Grillo got all excited about it and was ready to walk out of the movie job he had for the role. Howard said John told him he pulled off the scam telling Grillo that they had him doing an audition for Steven Bochco. Howard said he saw Grillo this morning and he looked all happy. Grillo said that was because of his eyes.
Howard had audio from the audition because John had taped it. He really went out of his way to make this happen. Howard said the woman who auditioned Steve was there so he had her come in to talk about it. He then played some of the audio from Steve's audition. Howard told Steve that he's never going to be an actor, he's always going to be his Gunga Din.
In the first clip we hear the woman telling Grillo that she's casting for this part. Grillo said he wasn't buying it at first because there had been so many scams going on at the show. He took down the information and said he'd see her tomorrow. He said he checked things out and everything checked out just fine.
Howard played more audio where Steve was auditioning for the part with the woman who had called him. She was reading the part of his mother during the audition. Steve kept screwing up his lines so Howard stopped the tape and asked him what was going on there. Steve said he was nervous, that's all. He eventually got through the whole thing though. They had to call him back to sing for them though. Howard said that they weren't doing anything all that wacky with Steve so maybe they should have consulted with them before doing the bit.
Howard said he was all excited about this thing but now that he's hearing it, it's not all that great. They had Steve do an audition and that's all it is, just an audition. Howard told Grillo that he did just fine from what he was hearing. He told John that he had screwed up this whole thing and he didn't know where the joke was. Howard took a call from a guy who agreed that it wasn't funny.
Howard took a bunch of calls about it and the fans didn't seem to think it was all that funny. John said he wasn't there to help make it funny but he also thought it was funny that Grillo didn't know it was a fake audition until today. Jackie said that the idea of a scam is to push and push to see how far someone will go. They didn't bother doing that. Robin said Grillo isn't even upset about it because he knows he didn't do anything wrong.
Howard asked Doug Goodstein what he thought about this. Doug said they just didn't go with the whole thing and it didn't work out. Howard told John that there are a lot of radio shows out there who have people doing stuff like this and it's just not funny. He told John he was going to play the bit again and he wanted him to tell him where to laugh.
Howard took a call from Big Black who said that maybe John was doing this just to get some attention since he's not involved with the movie. Gary came in and said he heard that John's wife had helped write the bit but John denied that. Howard said that this was a great idea but it didn't come out very well. He said the only thing that was funny was when Steve was reading the name ''Josie'' as ''Jose.''
Howard spent a few minutes talking to John about the unfunny bit he had pulled. He said he was going to take random phone calls and let people comment about it. Howard said that it was probably the worst half hour of radio in his career. He took a phone call from a guy who said it really wasn't a funny bit. He talked to John and the woman who helped him out and said that it really didn't work out and he can't be putting that kind of stuff on the air.
Stuttering John tried to defend his actions but it wasn't working. Howard continued to goof on him about the whole thing. He took a few more phone calls and let other people go off on John for doing such an unfunny bit. He gave John an A for effort but an F for execution on that bit. He told Sharon that she did a good job with what she had to work with. He wrapped up a short time later and said he was going to take a break.
Howard said he was going to play the bit one more time. He said he was never going to play it again after that. He cut out the beginning of the bit and got right into the part where Steve did his audition. The sound was awful and Howard complained about that for a short time. He picked apart the bit and said he was done taking phone calls about it. That didn't stop him from reading some faxes they got about it. He read through all of that stuff and told John he really has to write some funny stuff. Ralph came in and said that John was saying that he would have done things differently if he did it again. He wasn't saying that he would consult Jackie and Fred though.
Howard asked John if he still thinks it's funny. John said that it has some funny moments in it but it's not drop-dead funny. He gave it a 7 on a scale of 10 and then said that Jackie's stand-up is only a 6 on that scale. Howard wanted to end the segment because he had other things to get to so he sent John and Grillo out of the studio. He asked Ralph if he thought it was funny. Ralph said he was in the E! room and they were all looking at each other hoping it would get better but it didn't.
Howard and Robin were talking about John and how John seems to think that he's funny but they're the ones who took him and made him who he is. John said that he's been Stuttering John all his life though so he was the one who went out and made something with his life. Howard said that they took him and made him what he is, he didn't go out and ask celebrities dopey questions on his own. John said he knows that but he did make some funny films on his own before he started on the show.
John said that he started out in the business to make his own films and stuff like that. He thought that being on Howard's show would be a good way to get into television. He was going off on Ralph and Jackie was holding up a sign over his head that said ''Rat in a corner'' as John was stuttering up a storm. Howard wrapped up with John a short time later.
Gary said that they really did listen to all of the songs that were submitted so he's kind of upset with that guy for accusing them of not listening. Howard said that maybe they should have played the worst songs just as a goof but he didn't want to bore the audience with that.
Howard said that they'll be going down to Philly and they'll want the fans to perform their songs live down at the funeral for the Zookeeper. Gary helped him out with the list of finalists and said that they had 8 total. Howard was kind of confused about that so Gary complained because he had spoken to him about it the day before. Howard read through the list and wanted to make sure that all of his favorites were in there.
Howard started off with the two songs that were tied for sixth place. He said that he thought this first one should have been higher up on the list. The song was ''Oh Baldy'' and Howard had given it a 9 score while Robin gave it a 7. Jackie didn't vote on that one so Howard complained about that. Howard asked Gary what he was laughing at while he was talking to Jackie. Gary said that he was a little confused by something Howard said so Howard told him to get out of the studio. He said he thinks Gary is distracted by his wedding and that's why he's acting the way he is.
Howard played the ''Oh Baldy'' song that came in at number 6 on the list of finalists. He told Gary to line up everyone on the phones so he could talk to them. He went to a break that we didn't have to listen to thanks to editing.
Howard came back and called the woman who had taken sixth place with ''Oh Baldy.'' He told her that she has to come perform live at the funeral. She said she would try so Howard had her sing a little bit of the song for them on the phone. Howard then moved on to the other song that was tied for 6th place. That song was ''Shiny Head Pumpkin'' to the tune of Petticoat Junction. Howard gave that guy a call to tell him that he had won sixth place. The guy wasn't answering but he had him on the line a short time later. Howard talked to him for a minute and told him to come down and perform live.
Howard said they came up with some ideas for the funeral that was coming up later in the week. They wanted to dress Scott up as the Zookeeper and have him doing something there. He didn't want to say exactly what that was though.
Howard got to the 5th place winner which was ''King of the Loads.'' He played the song and gave that winner a call to let him know that he had won a Brother P-Touch. The guy said he'd be there in Philly to perform his song live. Howard told him it was going to be a lot of fun and congratulated the guy. He then moved on to the 4th place winner. He said that song was ''Baldy's Head Looks Like The Moon.'' He played that song and then gave that winner a call but he wasn't answering. Fred accepted with a simple ''Thank You.''
Howard played the number 3 winner which was ''You Will Soon Be Fired.'' He said that they'll have a band there to play the music for the song parodies when they're in Philly. He gave that winner a call and told him that he was a winner. Howard told him he'd won a fax machine. The guy said that they will be there to perform the song as well.
Gary had the number 4 winner on the line so Howard spoke to him for a minute and let him know that he had won fourth place. He spent a minute with him and then moved on to the 2nd place winner which was ''Balding Little Dickhead.'' Howard gave the winner a call a short time later. The woman, Helene, said that she was ready to perform on Friday and said she wouldn't miss it for the world. Howard told her it's going to be an exciting day when they do that funeral.
Howard moved on to the winner of the contest which was the song ''You're Bald.'' He played the song and then gave the winner a call. He and Robin talked about how they'll have Scott the Engineer dressed as the Zookeeper and pointing at a monolith when they play that song at the funeral. Howard tried calling Bob to let him know he had won but he wasn't at work yet. A woman answered the phone and said she had heard the show so she knew what they were calling about. Howard gave her a message to give to Bob when he got there and it was him singing ''You Won'' to the tune of the 2001 A Space Odyssey theme like Bob had done his song to. The woman said she was pretty sure that Bob was listening on his way in so he probably heard the message. They wrapped up a short time later.
Howard heard all of that and said he can't believe how strange he is. He said that if he really wants them to, they'll call him Eric. Howard said it's a big undertaking to change your name like that. Gary came in and said he was shocked about that. Gary said that his last name was different too. Howard said that Fred did have a different last name when he met him but he changed it. He said he didn't know what to do back then because his real father's name was the one he was using. He started using his step-father's name which was very close to the name of his birth father.
Jackie said he's talked to Fred about a lot of stuff but they've never talked about that subject. Howard said that his father's name was Bernard but his parents couldn't pronounce it so they ended up calling him Ben. Howard didn't understand the Eric thing with Fred. Fred said he likes the name, that's why he did it. Gary asked him what he'd like to be called if he had to tell them what name to use. Fred said he'd prefer Eric Norris. Gary revealed that his middle name is Patrick but his conformation name is Angelo. Howard said he knows more about Fred but he doesn't want to talk about that.
After a quick fast forward we heard Howard talking about Fred's name change again. He said he had been talking to Fred in the bathroom with a bunch of other guys. Everyone was in on the discussion talking about how strange he is. They thought that it was going to be a three hour show talking about ''Eric.'' Howard said that they were all talking about how Fred was saying he liked the way the name appeared on his credit card. Fred said that was actually a joke. That led to Howard talking about how Robin wanted to be called Robin Ophelia at one point but that didn't work out. Fred then goes out and changes his name legally and then doesn't bother telling anyone about it.
Fred said that the name change wasn't that big of a deal. He went to a lawyer who filled out the paper work for him and he got it done. He said that it really wasn't changing anyone's life or anything like that. Howard found it odd that he didn't tell any of them what he had done for two years. Fred said he told his wife and mother though. Fred told Howard that he asked his mother why she named him Fred and she said that the original name she had was Eric but his father didn't like it. That's why he went with Eric when he changed his name. Robin said that she'd call him Eric if he wanted her to. Howard said he still can't believe that Fred went through all of that to change his name. He said he's trying to understand him but it's very hard.
Howard asked Fred why he put Fred as his middle name if he hates it so much. Fred said he kept it for some kind of show business balance. He said he changed it just over 2 years ago and then got married. His wife actually married Eric and not Fred.
After another fast forward we heard Robin starting her news. She read some faxes that the fans were sending in about Fred's name change. One guy wrote in and said that it's Martian tradition to rotate names every 40 years. Other people thought Fred was insane for changing his name like that. Howard said he noticed that Fred must have been uptight this morning because he had ink all over his hands after his pen had exploded from chewing on it so much.
Hank the dwarf and Beetlejuice the tiny headed dwarf came in to hang out for a little while this morning. Howard heard that the two of them got into a little fight out in the hallway. Beetlejuice came in first. He had his hair and eyebrows painted green for St. Patrick's day. He told Howard that he's going to be in the New York St. Patrick's day parade today. Howard tried to find out how he did that but Beetlejuice can never give a straight answer. Howard brought in Hank a few minutes later to find out why the two of them were fighting it out. For the next 20 minutes the two of them had a pissing contest over the dumbest things. If Hanks drinking came up Beetlejuice would say that he can drink more than him. If Hank's height came up Beetlejuice would say he's taller than him. Beetle said that he's better than Hank at just about everything. Hank called Beetle a ''stupid little midget'' and everyone pointed out that Beetle is taller than Hank. Hank said that if he is taller it's only by a couple of inches. Apparently this all started back at Howard's birthday show a few weeks ago. Hank said that Beetle didn't want him to meet William Shatner for some reason and the two of them started in with each other at that point. Beetle said he doesn't even know who Shatner is and he doesn't know why he didn't want Hank to meet him.
After the arguing Howard brought in this British TV show host who wanted to interview Hank. The host of the show ''Freak Out'', Matt, came in with his crew to interview Hank. Matt has flipper hands so Howard spoke to him about that for a couple of minutes then turned over the show to him. The interview Matt did was really lame and it wasn't going anywhere so Howard gave up on it.
This guy Mike had come down to try and win breast implants for his wife. He had agreed to suck Hank's toes to win the implants. Hank didn't want any part of it unless he was going to get paid. Gary told him they'd give him $800 courtesy of iWon.com for his trouble. He was also afraid that the guy was gay but Mike says he's not. Gary took off Hank's one shoe and everyone was disgusted by his uncut toe nails. Hank says he never cuts them. Some people were even saying that they were green from fungus or something. Howard told the guy that he had to suck and kiss all of his toes and put all 5 in his mouth to win the implants. Mike didn't seem to hesitate much. He went right to it and sucked those green toes. He won the implants which will be put in by Dr. Sal Calabro.
For more info on Beetlejuice you can check out JollyDwarf.com and Hank's web site is at HankTheDwarf.com
Howard Stern's Mammary Lane ended around 11:20am.
Howard started off the show talking about what they had coming up. They had Marilyn Manson coming in and a woman who wants to meet him. She'll be spinning the wheel of sex to meet him. They also have the Singing Psychic calling in and some other things to fill up the morning.
Howard said that tomorrow they have Mr. Methane coming in to perform some Christmas songs for them. He played some examples of his Christmas songs after mentioning that. The guys talked about how unbelievable his farts are. Howard said they also have porn star Mary Carey coming in with her retarded mother later this week. She's coming in to meet Gary the Retard. Howard said they'll see if that connection works out. KC said that she's bringing her grandmother who is slow as well. If that doesn't work out Fred will go out with them instead according to Howard.
Howard said they also have P.O.D. coming in soon and also Jaime Pressly. He went on to talk about some of the e-mail he's gotten lately. He said he heard that they were on high alert yesterday but he had no idea at the time. He was working out at the time so he didn't hear about this ''high alert.'' He didn't know why they were doing those alerts though.
Howard said he was reading GQ magazine where they talk about some overrated things like Mariah Carey being crazy. He also said that Lauren Hutton is in the news and she's on every TV commercial talking about Menopause. No one wants to hear about her old age and she should just go away. He said he's also pissed about the area codes that they have out there in New York now. He read through some of the other overrated things that were on that list. He said that he likes when women show their thongs but that was on the most overrated list he was reading. $15,000 flat screen TVs are also on the most overrated list. He wondered when the prices of those things are going to come down. He also talked about some terms like ''flu like symptoms'' are on that list. The guys talked about that for a short time.
Howard said that iced wine is also on the list. He said that regular wine is fine. He talked about the egg white diets that are a pain in the ass. He was also talking about everyone wearing the FDNY caps even though they didn't have anything to do with the fire department. He also talked about the some songs that are used instead of the national anthem sometimes. That led to them playing one of the songs that Mark Harris sings. Howard said he hates that song and Mark's version of it especially.
Howard read through a few more things that were on that list. He said that actresses getting fat for roles is annoying. He said that tattoos are annoying too even though he has some of his own. Cops asking ''Do you know why I stopped you sir?'' is also overrated.
Howard said a lot of people want him to play some Gay Chicken with Tom Chiusano. He also found out that there's a gay chicken web site for sale on ebay.com. He said he's auctioning off the .net domain name. He also said that people were asking him about who the plastic surgeon is that he always recommends. Howard said it's Dr. Dan Baker. That led to him talking about the laugh lines on his face and how he might want to have them taken care of Artie told Howard to look at him and see what a 34 year old looks like. Artie also mentioned that he's been having his bald spot painted lately so it's not seen on the E! show. He said that Toni, Howard's hair stylist, has been doing that for him. Howard wants to get that video taped so they can put it on the show. Howard said that it looks great because you can't tell he has a bald spot. Howard told Artie not to shower it off and it'll look like he's not balding. Artie said that's what he did yesterday after the show.
He took another call from a guy who said that Artie is the most overrated man in show business. Howard didn't agree with him and hung up on that guy as well. Another caller told Howard that OJ Simpson was on the news this morning because his house was raided in connection with an Ecstasy drug ring. Howard didn't believe it at first but after talking to the guy for a minute they found out it was true. It was news that seemed to make everyone on the show very happy. Howard said it was too good to be true. He offered to give the guy an Xbox if he was right and not lying. He said it was better news than if Osama bin Laden had been caught. The caller told Howard they had video of OJ answering his door in his white robe when they served the search warrant. Howard stayed on the phone trying to get more details but the caller's phone kept crapping out when he'd put it near his TV. Another caller tried to give Howard more but the newscasters kept putting it off saying they were waiting for more details.
The caller on the line was a record producer that worked with Stuttering John. He was up for a Grammy award one time and he was going to thank Howard if he had won. He ended up losing so that never happened. Howard let him go a short time later. He heard that Randy was addicted to Ritalin so the guys spent a minute talking about that. Artie said that when he was in rehab he saw people in there for just drinking beer. Some people are addicted to strange things. Robin said they knew a guy who was addicted to pot which is kind of lame. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Randy used to snort Ritalin and he was able to get that out of him. Randy interrupted and said he had more on the OJ case but the report he played wasn't all that informative. Howard talked more to Randy about the Ritalin thing and also talked about Stuttering john's drinking a little bit.
Artie said that his shrink actually gave him some Ritalin and that stuff can make you crazy. Stuttering John said that Randy's dog died and he took the dog, put it in a plastic bag and tied it to a cement block and threw it into a lake. Howard talked to him about that a little bit and let Randy go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had an update on OJ Simpson. He said that they kept going in and out of the story on the news. They spent a short time talking about what had gone on earlier in the morning with OJ in the news. Howard took another call from a guy who said that KC had blown it with that interview he did. Artie disagreed and thought that it was very funny.
Howard read an article in New Yorker magazine about a woman who had been hired to work with Bill Clinton. He said that they went through the application process and followed this woman Esther. She was going to apply until she heard Howard Stern talking about Clinton dissing him back stage at an event he went to. Howard said he loves when his fans stand up for him and he wanted to talk to this Esther woman and maybe hire her there at the station.
Howard moved on to the next segment which was the Wheel of Sex. This 23 year old woman by the name of Theresa came in to try and get the chance to meet Marilyn Manson. Howard said she was pretty cute. He spent a few minutes talking to her about what she does for a living. She said she was in the computer industry but she got laid off so she's been cleaning houses with her aunt. Artie couldn't believe that a hot chick like that would clean houses. Gary said he's never seen anyone like her cleaning houses before. Artie said it made him want to get a house.
Howard moved on to talk to her about why she wants to meet Marilyn Manson. She's a huge fan and she's actually met him before. She has a tattoo of him above her ass too. She said that she and a friend made Marilyn a tape one time and sent it to him. They were dressed up in Saran Wrap and tin foil when they did that. She also said that she would bang him right there if she got the chance to meet him.
Howard told Theresa that she had to complete whatever came up on the Wheel of Sex that they have in the studio to get the chance to meet Marilyn. The wheel included things like:
Marilyn Manson came in after that and sat down to talk to Howard. Marilyn offered to wipe the fish guts off her ass since she was willing to go through so much to meet him. Howard asked Theresa to say what she wanted to say to Marilyn. He told her that she was going to have to leave soon so she had to say what she wanted to say now. She said she needed a drink first. Marilyn remembered getting the video tape that she and her friend sent to her. He thought that his guitar player had sex with one of the girls but Theresa said that wasn't her. Marilyn said his guitar player likes to shoot his stuff on girl's breasts and lick it off. He just saw him getting a hand job the other day and saw him licking it off the girl's hand that day.
After a few minutes Howard sent Theresa off and spent some time talking to Marilyn. He asked him about his breakup with Rose McGowan. Marilyn says he broke it off with her because she wasn't happy with his rock star life. She made it seem like she broke up with him because of his drug use when she was on the show a couple of months ago. Marilyn said he really doesn't have anything bad to say about her and he'd rather not waste all day talking about her. Howard wouldn't mind doing that though. He said he loves that stuff.
One of Howard's interns, Carrie, used to work for Marilyn and she claims that he used to make her call him ''Daddy'' when she spoke to him. Marilyn said it was true. She told Howard that she's been to 302 of Marilyn's shows. Howard said that's crazy, he's a fan of Marilyn's but he's only been to two or three of his shows. Carrie said that she was honored to be in the room with Marilyn and Howard because she thinks they're two of the greatest media marketers ever. She told Howard about some of the odd things Marilyn asked her to get for him while she was working for him. She said he asked for a bunch of prosthetic legs for his birthday one year and she went out and got them for him.
Howard got back to Marilyn and spoke to him about the sexual assault case that's been brought against him. Marilyn claims that it's all untrue and he never exposed his genitals to this security guard who says he was assaulted. Marilyn said he thinks this guy is just looking for a ''free ride'' so he's got this case against him now.
Howard brought up Marilyn's new girlfriend Dita Von Teese and spent a little while talking about her. Howard ended up getting back to Rose though and they spent quite a while talking about her. Marilyn mentioned his new song, a remake of ''Tainted Love'', which is featured in the new movie ''Not Another Teen Movie.'' Howard played the song and said the video looks really good. He also brought up Trent Reznor who used to work with Marilyn on his stuff. Marilyn said he and Trent have made up and he does talk to him once in a while. He said Trent is pretty reclusive and he doesn't think that he can keep up with the changing music industry.
Howard took a few phone calls for Marilyn and then gave Marilyn a plug for his new song, available on the ''Not Another Teen Movie'' soundtrack album as he wrapped up the interview.
Howard said that High Pitch Eric was there to spin the wheel of sex for some reason. KC said they could put him in a bikini if he wanted. Howard said they should do that and have him get into a thong. He told KC to get that ready to go while he read some news stories. He read a story about some of the most powerful women in show business. He was surprised by some of the names that were on that list.
Howard asked KC for an update on High Pitch Eric. He was fatter than ever according to KC. Howard said Eric is such a retard and had him spin around in his thong. Howard had him stand on the scale in the studio to see just how fat he is. He ran the scale up to 311 pounds. Last time he was on he was 305. Howard told him he's just gross. He said he thinks he ate Hank the Dwarf's carcass.
Gary came in and said he heard that Eric was really annoying to this guy Eric from Elektra records. Eric from Elektra called in and told Howard how he ran into High Pitch at the Hank the Dwarf memorial they had on the street and he was really annoying. He said he was a douche that day and was bugging him for all kinds of stuff. Eric said he gave High Pitch his business card and he ended up calling him up asking him for all of that stuff. High Pitch ended up asking Eric for a bunch of stuff including his credit card number so he could pay for his cable bill! He barely knew the guy and he was asking for his credit card number.
High Pitch asked for some free CDs and stuff and he wanted an alphabetical list of what he could have. Gary wondered how he went from getting free CDs to asking for the guy to pay his credit card bill. High Pitch said he wasn't sure. Eric from Elektra said that he didn't hear from High Pitch for about a month and then one day he gets a call from him asking for his credit card number. High Pitch said that he was put on welfare so he needed some money to pay some bills. Howard told High Pitch is insane. Eric said he was just going insane, that's why he did it. High Pitch apologized to Eric but Howard wanted to move on to the game. He said goodbye to Eric on the phone a short time later.
Howard moved on to let High Pitch spin the Wheel of Sex so he could play for a Microsoft Xbox video game system. Someone was playing with the cod they'd used earlier in the show and Eric was freaking out. He hates fish and he didn't want it anywhere near him. He was screaming like Mickey Mouse being murdered as someone put the fish near him. They then put three fish near him and he went crazy screaming ''NO, NO... Get it away!'' They kept this up for a couple of minutes because it was so amusing to see him freak out. Since he was so freaked out by the fish Howard wanted to make him either make out with a fish or put one down his pants to win the Xbox. Eric refused to kiss the fish but he wanted to make a deal. Howard told him there was no deal, he had to either kiss the fish or put one down his thong bikini. Eric wanted nothing to do with the fish at all. He turned down the $300 Xbox because he doesn't like dead fish! KC was making the fish talk to Eric so he was completely freaked out. Eric said he wanted to do something with Benjy instead of the fish. KC continued to torture Eric with the fish for a few minutes.
Stuttering John came in and asked Howard to get Eric to stop bothering Chef Bobby, the guy who makes Howard's lunch. Chef Bobby was on the phone to tell Howard that Eric is always hanging out at his business bothering him for food. He said he's always asking for free stuff and he has a budget to worry about there.
KC and Mike Gange continued to torture Eric with the fist while Eric screamed out to stop it over and over again. Eric was so freaked out he was on the verge of tears according to Howard. Eric asked to spin the wheel just to see what it lands on. They kept going after him with the fish and he was yelling out for the police to come and help him. Eric ran out of the studio so Howard told him it was over. He wasn't going to give him an Xbox since he refused to put that fish down his pants. KC told Eric they were going to give him 3 seconds to get out of there. The fish was going to come after him after that. Eric bolted out of the studio as the guys chased him down the hall with the fish. Artie was laughing his ass off as he was watching it happen. The E! cameras were watching him out in the hall.
This guy Jonas called in and said that Eric is also afraid of the dark and of moths. He said if they turned the lights out and beat him with the fish, he'd probably really freak out. Jonas told him about the moths too and how he had freaked Eric out with a dead moth and he was acting like he was with the fish. Howard wanted to lock him in a bathroom with the fish and with a moth to see what happened.
Howard had Robin start her news a short time later. She went through a bunch of news stories but Howard and the guys were still goofing on High Pitch Eric about his fish issues. Robin got back into her news and went through a bunch of stories. Howard, Artie and Fred were all doing their impressions of High Pitch Eric throughout the news. They ended the show around 9:55 (Master Tape Theatre time).