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Howard started off the show talking about how it was his birthday today. He said that Robin threw him a party on Friday that he still hasn't recovered from. Robin said she might have to go into rehab after that night. She said she was drinking that night and was drinking yesterday during the day. That's a bit out of the ordinary for her. Howard said Artie was pretty wasted on Friday night as well. Howard said Artie was spilling drinks and stuff at his table. He said that it's kind of fun when he starts doing stuff like that at Scores or something. Howard said he saw Artie drinking in the corner on Friday sipping out of his glass with a straw while his girlfriend was dancing with Ralph. Howard said Artie didn't care that his girlfriend was dancing with someone else, all he cared about was his drink.
Howard was talking about how wasted Artie was and how he was slurring his words later in the evening. Artie and Robin wished Howard a happy birthday this morning. Robin read Howard a note she got from Billy Joel who wished him a happy birthday as well. She said it was faxed over to her. She said he says that he's celebrating down in the Caribbean while they're freezing in New York.
Stuttering John came in and said that he had to drive Artie home from the big birthday bash on Friday. Artie said that his girlfriend Dana was pretty wasted that night as well. Artie said that he didn't drink all day Saturday after getting so wasted on Friday night. Gary came in and said that he was talking to Dana who told him that she once told her boss at the bar she was bartending at and told him that she'd never seen anyone drink as much as Artie. She worked in the business for 10 years and hadn't seen that.
John and Gary told Howard that Dana was sticking up for Artie that night when people were goofing on them about how she's just dating him because he's famous. The guys mentioned that Benjy's girlfriend drove them home that night and Benjy wasn't even in this morning to talk about that.
Howard said that he was going to explain Robin's story later but he heard that there were a lot of people who were upset that they weren't invited. Robin said that she only wanted 20 people at the party but it ended up being 37. Howard said he heard from a lot of people who were aggravated that they weren't invited. He said that it was supposed to be a small party though and it couldn't have been any bigger than it was. He said it's sad that they couldn't have had more people there but it was expensive as it was. He said that it was crazy as it was and couldn't imagine what she spent on it. The guys were guessing that she spent about $20,000 on the party. Howard figures it was more than that. Robin said she's not even sure how much it was yet.
Howard said he'd get to more of that stuff after a commercial break. He and Artie ended up talking about the Philadelphia Eagles / Green Bay Packers game yesterday. Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about that game and how great it was. The guys all agreed that it was great.
Howard said he was in a foul mood yesterday after watching the movie ''Monster.'' He said that the movie was really depressing but Charlize Theron should get an Oscar for her performance. Howard said that she's fat and has beaver teeth in the movie. He said she's always giving guys oral in the movie and he wondered what guy would want to get oral from her. He said she plays a serial killer in the movie and it was very well written and a great part for Theron. Howard said that she was real good in the part and she'll never have another part like it in her life. Artie said he knows the woman who wrote the movie and she's ''smokin hot.'' Howard continued to talk about the movie and how good Theron and Christina Ricci were in the movie. He said the movie moves along pretty good and it's worth seeing. He said it's kind of cool but there's a lot of violence in it.
Howard said that he was the first one to say that he didn't want a fuss made over his 50th birthday but he changed his mind over the weekend. He said that anyone who makes it to that age should celebrate. He said that he would talk about the rest of his weekend after taking a break.
Robin said that Colin Quinn was there this morning and he was one of the people at the party on Friday night. Colin came in a couple of minutes later. Howard let Colin get in a plug for his show ''Tough Crowd'' and the new season starts tonight. Howard said that Colin was really funny at his party on Friday. He roasted everyone who was there. Howard said that it looked like Colin wrote down all of his roasts on paper and it looked like he had some trouble reading it. Colin said that he has it written really small and has trouble with his eyes so he had a hard time reading it.
Howard was going to talk about his party but started to get into Colin's failed marriage that was annulled. Colin was only married for a short time before his wife caught him cheating and split. Howard said that he thinks Colin could have made the marriage last if he'd just been given some more time. Howard said he brought a real cute chick to the party on Friday night but he's not dating her. Colin said she's just a friend. Howard said he's never really had a chick as a friend like that. Robin asked him ''What about me?'' That led to Colin saying that she looked really good in the dress she was wearing at the party. Colin also brought up Mr. X who was at the party.
Howard talked about the music that they had playing at the party on Friday night. He said that there was a Beyonce song playing that was pretty good to dance to until the rap part comes up. Then, he says, you don't know what to do. Howard told Gary to get him the song while he spoke to Colin.
Colin gave Howard a run down of his marriage and how that went south on him. Colin said that he was instant messaging someone and his wife found out about it and things went wrong from there. He said the IM thing all started when she caught him IM'ing someone he'd never even met. That led down the road to marriage failure. Howard tried to figure out the whole thing and how Colin's wife found out. Colin said she was able to find the IM thing in his computer somehow. Colin said that he groveled and tried to get out of it but it didn't work. Howard said that he was dating someone after his divorce and one of the women he was dating went into his date book and found that someone was coming to town. Howard said that he didn't trust the person after that because she'd snooped like that. Howard got back to Colin and asked him more about his problems. Colin said he didn't try to get out of the situation by lying more.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Colin about the whole failed marriage. He wondered how his wife was able to find the IM stuff in his computer. A listener called in and said that she probably had some kind of spyware software installed on his computer. Howard took some phone calls after that and ended up talking football a little more. They were talking about the games that went on over the weekend and what was coming up next weekend.
Howard said he wanted to talk about the big Birthday party Robin threw him on Friday but he had to take yet another break. Howard said he had no idea what kind of party Robin was going to throw him. Howard wondered how Larry ''Ratso'' Slomin was invited to the party. Robin explained to Howard that he was a last minute invitation. Howard had to take a break a short time after that.
J.D. came in and said that he would have rather have done that and tried to explain what really happened. Will said that they were told not to take the gifts down to his car. The party planner is the one who told them not to take the gifts down to the car. Robin said they should have asked her about it. Howard said he ended up giving Will a $50 bill as a tip since they were the coat check guys. J.D. also said they had to help clean up people's dishes and stuff. Will said he didn't know they had to do that. Robin said she told them that they did know what they were getting into.
Howard had a list of people who tipped those guys that night and Artie beat him out. He said that Artie gave them $200. He said he was really loaded by the end of the night and ended up giving them $50 bills a few times. Stuttering John also gave them $65 but only because he knew that it was being counted. Robin said John also gave the bartender $50. Howard read that Mel Karmazin only gave $5. His agent Don Buchwald gave zero. Gary also gave zero. Ratso Slomin only gave them a dollar. Howard said that Chris Booker gave them nothing as well. Fred gave them $20 as did Colin Quinn. Vinnie Favale gave them $20 and Jeff Schick from IBM gave them zero. Even Benjy gave them $10.
Howard went on to say that he really didn't think that this thing was going to be a party. Howard said that he asked Beth about it and she lied to him and said that it wasn't going to be a party. Howard said that he was going to cancel the dinner because he wasn't feeling so good all week. Luckily he felt better and went for it.
Howard said they showed up to this place called Studio 450 and it was very unassuming looking. He said he didn't know that it was going to be a party like it was. Howard said that the first thing he saw was Ratso at the party. He said he figured that it must have been a big party if he was there. Stuttering John said that he heard that Scott the Engineer was upset that he wasn't invited to the party. Robin said there had to be a cut off somewhere. Benjy was bummed as well because he wasn't invited at first. Then he was invited to it last minute. Howard said he heard that Pat Minokia and his girlfriend canceled at the last minute. Howard said that's Pat's thing and they do that a lot to him. That's when Robin invited a couple of other people. Howard said his assistant was upset that she was invited last minute. John said that Benjy didn't know if he should go to the party even after he was invited.
Howard got back to his birthday dinner and said that everyone was singing to him when he came into the room. He said he looked around the room and saw Mel Karmazin, Don Buchwald, Stuttering John, Artie... but no Benjy. Benjy was late for the surprise. Howard asked Benjy how he could be late to something like that. Benjy said that he and his girlfriend had to go shopping for nice outfits that day. He swore on his life that they were really doing that. Benjy said they found out on Wednesday that they were invited. Thursday they got his girlfriend a nice outfit. He had to go find his own outfit on Friday. He had other excuses like the fact that Robin gave him the wrong address. Howard told Robin to not invite him to anything like that anymore. He's a bad guest. Howard told Benjy he had 3 days to find a nice outfit. The guys all found his behavior to be kind of odd.
Howard said he really had a good time doing Dave's show last time but it was in a strange way. Dave said they may be doing each other's shows because they just don't care anymore. Howard asked Dave if he was freaked out when he turned 50. Dave said that it's when you hit 55 and start coming up on 60 is when it starts to hit you. Dave also said that he can't believe he's still on TV at this age.
Howard said that he really wants to leave radio at the end of his contract and asked Dave what he thought. Dave said that he might be saying that now but we'll have to see what he's saying in two years. Howard said there were times when he and Dave would talk to each other on the phone and this is the same stuff they'd talk about. They'd both get depressed.
Howard and Robin asked Dave what he thinks about having a baby. He said it's actually kind of fun having his son. He said he didn't know how amusing the baby would be. Dave told Howard that he was already living with his girlfriend before the baby came around. Robin said that the baby's name is Harry Letterman but it's not real until Dave marries the woman. Dave said he was married at one point and he's in no rush to do that again.
Howard talked to Dave about what he's doing about taking care of the baby and all of that. He said that he doesn't have anyone in the house helping out at this point. He said he hasn't had anyone in there yet but he can't say that he never will. Dave said that he's even changing diapers himself. Howard said he never did that stuff because he had to wake up to do the radio show. Dave said that sleep is not imperative for the type of show he does.
Dave told Howard that he's just going to wait to get fired at this point in his career. He said he doesn't care. He also told Howard that he'll never have his girlfriend or baby on his TV show. That led to them talking about Kathie Lee Gifford and how she always put her kids on TV. Howard found out that Kathie Lee doesn't do his show that much anymore so she must be ''off the list'' for Dave's show. Howard said she did Jimmy Kimmel's show so she must be kind of desperate to get on TV.
Howard told Dave that he was making him very uptight. He said he had a good time on Dave's show the last time he did it in November. He said that Dave gave him his first break and had him on his TV show when he was working at WNBC. Howard said that he feels affection for Dave because of what he did for him but it's very awkward. Howard said that he felt that when he did Dave's show in November. Fred started to play sad piano music in the background as Howard was telling Dave this stuff.
Dave asked if Evil Dave was going to call in before he left. Howard said if he knew Dave was coming in he would have had Evil Dave come in as well. Howard had to wrap up the quick interview shortly after that. He thanked Dave for coming in and went to commercial break.
Howard got back to the story he was telling about the party Robin threw for him. He started back at the singing to him when he showed up. Howard said that Robin managed to get the whole place decorated as if it was in the Napa Valley. There were grapes on the ceiling and it was pretty amazing. Howard said there were about 40 people there and 4 tables set up. He said that Robin had a chef flown in to cook the entire meal for everyone. Robin said he volunteered to do the cooking. There were a few people there that Howard didn't recognize. They were there doing the whole wine thing. They explained all of the wines they were tasting and Howard said they were very good and entertaining.
Howard said that they would bang a gong at certain points and that would mean that someone was going to be on the video screen they had set up. They also changed tables so everyone would get to sit with everyone else. Howard said the whole thing was spectacular and breath taking. Howard said that Governor George Patacki made a tape for Howard which he was impressed with. He had tape of it and played the audio for us to hear. Patacki thanked Howard for the entertainment he's provided for New Yorkers and how much he helped him out in the election years ago. Patacki told Howard that as long as he's Governor, he's got the right to do what he does on the radio no problem. Howard said he was very touched by the whole thing.
Governor Schwarzenegger also made a speech for Howard. Howard played that audio and Arnold thanked him for his help over the years. Arnold made some funny jokes about how he got into body building years ago after seeing a picture of Howard. He said he never wanted to look like that. Howard said that Robin told him that Arnold didn't blink an eye when he was asked to make that tape.
Howard talked about how bad Dominic Barbara looked to him even after losing 100 pounds. Howard said that he's much healthier now but he didn't look that good. Artie said he thought Dominic looked pretty good though. Howard went on to say that all of the people at the dinner got up and made speeches about him. He said the whole thing was unbelievably emotional to him. He said he was very grateful to Robin for doing all of that for him.
Robin said that she was almost in tears after Howard made a speech about how they first met. Howard said there were more video taped speeches and Mayor Giuliani was one of them. He was very touched by that one as well. Giuliani suggested that Howard get a PSA test and a digital exam. He was half kidding but was also kind of serious and suggested that people start getting them done at 40.
Howard said that Colin got up at one point and roasted some of the people there. Howard had Colin do some of the material he did at the party. He roasted Gary, Don Buchwald, Ralph, Mr. X, Stuttering John and Howard among others. He gave some of the funny lines he had and they were good. Howard thanked Colin for doing that and said he was honored to have had him there. He said it made up for the bomb he did at the Robert De Niro birthday party.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in quickly to add his two cents to the story. He mentioned something about the small portions they had and how Artie was looking for the rest of the meal. Howard got off the line with him a short time later when Dominic mentioned something that no one cared about.
Howard said they all danced after all of that stuff went on. He said that they were dancing to this Beyonce and Jay Z song but Howard didn't know what to do when the Jay Z part came in. Howard wondered why Fred wasn't dancing with everyone. Fred said he never dances and his wife was probably too looped to dance. Howard said Benjy's girlfriend was cute and danced a bit. Howard played some of the Beyonce song and got to the point where Jay Z comes in and stops the flow of the song.
Howard said Robin's party was really great and wished that his kids could have been there to see it. Saturday night Howard went out with Beth and his kids were there. Howard's sister and parents were there for that one. Howard said it was like the perfect weekend for him. He said that Emily got him something nice. She went and looked up Howard's grandfather's information at Ellis Island to find out how he came into the country and all of that. Howard said Beth picked up the bill that night so he didn't have to pay.
Howard said that pretty much wrapped up his birthday weekend. He told Robin that he loves her and thanked her for everything. He said it was the best night because he'll remember it for the rest of his life.
Scott pointed out that everyone he works with was invited to the party so he felt like crap when he wasn't invited. He said that Robin even came to him to help produce a bit for the party. Robin said that the E! people did a lot of work for the party as well and they're not in there crying. Scott said that he knows of other people who are pissed that they weren't invited but wasn't giving any names. Scott DePace from E! came in and said that he didn't mind that he wasn't invited. He said he had other plans that night. Scott the Engineer said he could have been the DJ there if they wanted. He was wondering why Colin Quinn was there. Howard told him that Colin was working and roasting everyone.
Howard told Scott that he was entitled to be upset but there weren't that many seats there so she couldn't invite everyone. Scott suggested that Robin could have cut back on the cost of the wine or something and could have gotten more people in there. Robin said the whole thing was based on the wine so she couldn't change that. Howard said that he doesn't want anyone else throwing a party for him and if they do, he'll kill them.
Robin told Scott that she did all of this for Howard and it's very selfish of him to be so upset about not being invited. Stuttering John said that Scott is upset that Anne Marie was invited to the party and he wasn't. She doesn't even get into the studio much. Robin said that she works closely with Howard on some stuff so she is part of the show. Howard also pointed out that some of the people who were invited last minute were upset that they were invited at the last minute. Howard said there were only so many seats and that couldn't be changed.
Scott said that Robin is now dead to him and he won't be talking to her. He said he was kind of depressed over the weekend and was kind of bummed out that he wasn't invited. Scott still didn't understand how Robin could invite some people that they work with and not others. Scott refused to apologize to Robin for getting so upset. He said he felt slighted by the whole thing and didn't want to apologize.
The guys figured that Ronnie the Limo Driver was upset that he wasn't invited. Ronnie came in and said he was a little hurt but he didn't say anything to anyone. He said that Robin is not dead to him but he was hurt a little bit. Ronnie yelled at Stuttering John about mentioning his name when they were wondering who Scott had been talking to. John said he was right and he was just guessing. He just happened to guess the right person. KC came in a short time later and said that he wasn't invited and never got that upset. He told Scott that he should get over it already.
Howard asked Robin if Scott was ever considered for the list. Robin said ''No'' which seemed to upset him even more. Doug Goodstein came in and said that he's not upset about not being invited at all. Scott the Engineer said that Doug told him that if Vinnie Favale was invited he would be upset. Doug said he didn't say anything like that to him though.
Howard thanked Colin for coming in and gave him a plug for his show ''Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn'' which airs on Comedy Central at 11:30pm. He had to take another break so he wrapped up the discussion with Scott and the others.
Howard wondered what was supposed to happen next because he was kicked out of the studio during the break. It turned out Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (Robert Smigel) was there to talk to him. Howard talked to the puppet for a couple of minutes. Triumph roasted Howard a little bit about his show and had the delay hit on him a couple of times. Howard brought up some of the things Triumph has done at the MTV awards and asked him about almost getting punched by Eminem after goofing on him at one of the award shows.
Howard said that Triumph has a new album out called ''Come Poop with Me.'' Howard gave him a plug for that and then goofed on the puppet because he wasn't moving his mouth as he was talking. The delay was hit multiple times so we missed out on some of the dog's jokes. He was sniffing the couch in the studio and said it's had so many strippers and porn stars that it smells like low tide. Howard let Triumph go on for a few minutes and said that he thought he wouldn't last in the business but he has been around for a while now. He's become part of pop culture.
Triumph roasted Artie for a couple of minutes goofing on his movie career. He goofed on the rest of the guys in the studio as well. He goofed on Robin a little bit as well. Howard wanted him to goof on Stuttering John a little bit. He goofed on John about his job screening phone calls. Triumph mentioned Jackie as well and said he runs into him in the supermarket sometimes... because they're eating the same dog food. He goofed on Gary a little and said he was having a dream about him one night. He said he has to learn not to sleep with his head so close to his ass from now on.
Howard wrapped up the segment after letting Triumph go off on everyone. Triumph told Howard not to think that he's just getting older, but that he's just getting closer to finding Beth in bed with another guy. He took a break shortly after that.
Robin told Howard that it was time to bring on the gifts that everyone got him. Robin was going to show him the gifts without telling him who got them for him. Howard had to guess after goofing on the gift. The first gift was a 1939 radio that Howard was impressed with. It cost $350. Howard guessed that Gary got it for him and he was right. He said that it was a very nice gift.
The next gift was a leather bound newspaper from January 12, 1954, the day Howard was born. Howard said he actually liked the gift because he'd like to read about what happened on the day he was born. He said he likes the history part of it. Howard guessed that it was probably $200-$300. He guessed that it was from KC but he was wrong. It was actually from Artie who was relieved that he finally got him a nice gift that he liked. Artie said he tried to get a copy of the NY Times but it wasn't available. Howard gave it a thumbs up.
Next up was an indoor George Foreman grill. Howard said that Beth just got him one of these things for Christmas. He said he might take one for his house and one for the apartment and he will use it. He guessed it was about $100. He was close. It was about $75. Howard guessed that it was Benjy but it was actually KC who got it for him.
Gift D as Robin called it, was a basket full of books and stuff. Howard said that he thought it was from Stuttering John. There were a bunch of books and computer Scrabble. Howard said he wouldn't read most of it and wouldn't play Scrabble on his computer. Howard said it looked like a basket of stuff that someone was tired of. He guessed it was $200, it was $150 and he guessed it was from Stuttering John. He was right about John getting it for him. Howard said he won't read most of the books even though he said he'd like to start reading.
Gift E was a Boston University hockey team shirt. He said he doesn't feel all that good about the university and he never went to a hockey game there. He had no feeling about the gift at all. He said it was terrible and meant nothing. He guessed it was maybe $45. Robin said it was a $75 gift. Howard said it must have been from one of the E! show guys. It turns out it was from Benjy. Howard wasn't impressed.
Gift F was a grilling thermometer fork from Sharper Image. Howard said he owns 2 or 3 of them already. He said it's a good gift that he will use. He said it's about $50 but Robin said it's about $30. It was from Richie from E.
Gift G was a hat. Howard said he's been looking for a hat and this one would not even fit his head. He said it's a horrible hat and it would be thrown in the garbage immediately. Howard guessed it was maybe $50. Robin said it was $25. It was from Doug Goodstein from E!.
Gift He was a bottle of wine from 1954. Howard said it was a very nice gift but he won't drink it if it's in his apartment. He said he'll probably give it to someone else. Howard guessed it was from Tom Chiusano and he was right. The bottle of wine was actually about $250 so Howard said he would probably drink it. Tom told him that it's actually Cognac, not wine. Howard said he might try it.
Howard thanked everyone, even the people who put no thought into their gifts. Fred and Scott the Engineer didn't get Howard anything. Fred said he didn't have time to get anything. He said he wanted to see what everyone else gave him before getting something. He said he was glad he didn't get him a desktop darts set like Stuttering John did. Howard wrapped up the gift segment and took another break after that.
Howard asked where Craig Gass was since he wasn't rushing to get in there. Craig came in smiling so Howard wondered why he was so happy. Craig said he's happy because he's working. He told Howard he's on ''Las Vegas'' tonight with Alec Baldwin. He's also hosting a Super Bowl party at the end of the month and is in a couple of national commercials with Smirnoff and AT&T M-Life.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Craig about his Sam Kinison impression. Craig said that sometimes when he brings up the Late Great Sam Kinison in his show, he'll always hear one ''Who?'' from the crowd. Howard said he might need to get some new impressions that the younger crowd will get. Robin suggested that he just start doing Kinison's act as Sam. Howard told him it would be like a tribute show. Craig said he has been told to get a fat suit and dress up like Sam to do his act. Howard had Craig do his Kinison impression and do one of his comedy bits. He did a bit about Ethiopia and how they're only going to have sand there. It was just like Kinison's and it sounds amazingly like Sam. Howard was pushing Craig to do the tribute thing. He moved on to do Robin's news. Craig hung around to comment on the news and do his impressions. You can find out where Craig is appearing by visiting his web site IHateComedians.com.
Howard started off the show saying that Benjy was late coming in again today. He suggested that when he comes in late from now on that he not be allowed to come in until the next commercial break. Howard said he comes walking in as he's starting the show like he wants him to know he's coming in. He said that Gary should keep him out in the office until the commercials.
Howard said he's glad all of the 50th birthday stuff is over now. He said he ended up freaking out last night. He told a story about watching ''Joan of Arcadia'' last night. Then he watched ''Sex and the City'' and didn't understand how anyone is attracted to Mikail Barishnikov. Artie said that he thought that guy was kind of ''the other way'' but Robin told him that he's banging chicks like crazy.
Howard got pissed again when Benjy came walking in the studio during his discussion about TV. He asked Gary how Benjy made it in past him. Gary said that he just ran right in past Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard said that Benjy begged for years to be allowed in the studio and he's taking advantage of that. Howard said that Benjy recently dumped out a garbage can on the floor to find something and stained his carpet. He said that he's going to have Benjy clean it since he's the one who dumped out the garbage and stained the carpet. He had Benjy come in a minute later so he could ask him why he did that. Benjy came in and told Howard he needed a sweatshirt or something out of there and apologized for making the mess. Benjy said he tried to clean it that day but Howard didn't think he did a very good job. Howard told him not to come walking in late after the show has started.
Gary said that he heard that Benjy is in the garbage quite often in the studio for some reason. Benjy said that there's a lot of paper in there that gets thrown out accidentally and he has to go searching for it. Howard continued to complain about Benjy coming in late and said that he wants him checked out mentally. He said he wants to know that he's safe to work with. Benjy told Howard that he thinks he's more ''uncalm'' than he is. He also apologized for coming in late. Howard told him that he's ''uncalm'' because Benjy gets under his skin coming in late.
A listener called in and said that talking to Benjy is like talking to the Riddler because every question you ask is answered with another question. Howard said that's true and complained about how Benjy answers questions. Howard asked him when he birthday was and Benjy started in on an explanation. Howard cut him off and told him to leave the studio until after the commercial break.
Howard talked about how meaningful his birthday celebration was over the weekend. He said he told Beth that his birthday was done and he wanted to do something next weekend. Beth told him he can't do anything on Saturday night because she had something planned for him. Beth said that they're going somewhere but he doesn't want to go. He said he has something he wanted to do with some other people. He doesn't want anymore birthday celebrations. He said he started getting angry during the discussion. Robin said she knows something about it but wouldn't tell him what it was about.
Howard said that it turns out that Ronnie the Limo Driver has a dinner planned for Howard. Howard said he doesn't want to do this stuff every weekend. Ronnie came in and said that it wasn't a surprise party like he thought it was. Howard asked Ronnie to get off his back and leave him alone. He said he doesn't want a party. Ronnie kept saying that it's not a party, it's just old friends. Howard told him that he's ruining his Saturday night out. Ronnie told him that he has Sunday night to do stuff. The two of them went at each other for a short time after that.
Howard seems to think that Ronnie is doing this because Robin didn't invite him to her party. Ronnie said that this was planned before that happened. He told Howard that it's his old friends Wayne, Neil and Joe that are just getting together to have dinner. It's not a party. He said that Laura his assistant is also going to be there. Howard said that Saturday is his one free night and this is ruining it. Howard said if Robin had invited Ronnie to her party, he wouldn't have to go through this. He wants that Saturday night to be what he wants it to be.
Howard said that he was angry at Beth for keeping this a secret. Ronnie said that he asked Beth to keep it quiet after asking her if Howard was going to be free this Saturday. Howard told Ronnie to plan a dinner during the week, not on that one free day he has to himself. He told Ronnie that he's very selfish inviting Joe to the dinner because he's not his friend.
Howard said he was talking to a friend of his and Ronnie's last night and when he told him about the party, the guy asked him why Ronnie was still in his life. Howard wouldn't say who that person was because he didn't want Ronnie going off on him.
Ronnie told Howard that it wasn't going to be a surprise birthday show. He said they were keeping it quiet because they knew that he wouldn't want to go. Howard said it was a surprise because he wanted Beth to keep it quiet. Ronnie said that Howard is so unappreciative and didn't understand that. Howard told Ronnie to look him in the eye and told him that he loves him and he's a dear friend.
Beth called in during this arguing and said that Ronnie told her that he was trying to figure out what to do for Howard for his birthday. Ronnie said that he heard from some of his old friends who wanted to get together and this is what he planned. Beth said that she had to tell Howard because he was so upset about the whole thing. Howard told Beth that this guy Joe was going to be there and Beth didn't even know who he was. Howard said that he's Ronnie's buddy. Howard thought it was pretty funny that Scott the Engineer wasn't invited again.
Howard told Ronnie that he will not go to dinner with all of those people. He said he just doesn't want 11 people sitting with him in a restaurant this weekend. He said he will go to dinner with Ronnie and his wife alone, but not with that many people. He told Ronnie if he wants to go to dinner with all of those other people, he'll go with them when he wants. Howard asked him to at least make the group smaller but he wasn't going to do that. He told Howard that if he's going to cancel, he has to call all of the other people and let them know why he's not going. Howard told Gary to get all of them on the line so he could explain it to them.
Howard said he really doesn't enjoy what he's planning and his birthday celebration is over now. He said he's a different man than he used to be and doesn't want to get together with that group of people. He said that his relationship with Ronnie has been damaged because of this. He then said that he would go. Ronnie told him he doesn't have to go. Beth said that she'd love to go and that they should sit her next to Joe, who she doesn't even know.
Howard said that he loves going to dinner with all of these guys once in a while to play cards and stuff like that. He doesn't want to get together with those guys and their wives. He's not into that. He said he wouldn't mind going to Scores or something like that, he just doesn't want to go out with the wives and the guys who are different people when they're with their wives. He said Ronnie has to be kidding with that stuff. He said if he'd planned something with just the guys, it would have been okay.
Howard talked about how Beth was freaking out last night when he asked her what the Saturday night plans were. Howard continued to go off on Ronnie even after he'd left the studio. Ronnie came back in and Howard asked him why his birthday celebration (at Scores) was fun and this one was going to suck. After explaining to Ronnie that Neil is a completely different person when he's with his wife, Ronnie started to get it. He seemed to understand what he was talking about at that point. Howard said his whole birthday was going to be ruined but he was going to go if Ronnie wanted him to. He asked him again to slim down the number of people.
Artie told Howard that he doesn't have any buddies who plan dinner parties. He and Howard talked about how no guy in their right mind plans something like that. Howard said that Ronnie is one of his most masculine men friends and he's planning a dinner party. It sounded like Howard was going to wrap up the segment but he continued to complain about the whole thing. He said that all of the guys would be sitting there behaving themselves at dinner if the wives are there. Howard said that no one with tires as end tables (Ronnie) should be planning parties. He also said that Ronnie is not going to Las Vegas this year. He's going to leave him home to sit there with his wife.
Ronnie finally left the studio and wouldn't return. Howard took some more phone calls. A guy said that Howard never liked to go out with his wife so why would he want to go out with his friend's wives. Howard said it had nothing to do with his wife. He said that when he goes out with ''the guys'' he wants to have fun. Ronnie came back in a short time later but Howard said he had to take a break. The show had gone an hour without a commercial break.
Howard and Ronnie talked about Benjy coming in late every morning for a minute. Howard told Ronnie to keep Benjy out in the lobby if he comes in late from now on. He also took a quick phone call from Mariann from Brooklyn before going to break.
Howard couldn't get over the dinner Ronnie had planned for him. He and Robin talked about how much the guys change when they're out to dinner with their wives. Howard said that Ronnie really screwed him with that whole thing. Ronnie came running in again and said he thought this was all over with. He also said that Scott the Engineer was out there all pissed off because he wasn't invited to the party. He told Howard that if he wants to cancel this thing, he has to call all of the other guys and tell them why. Scott came in a short time later and said he was just busting Ronnie's balls over it. He wasn't really upset about not being invited.
Ronnie said that they always have fun when they go out together. Howard said that all of the guys change when they're out with their wives. They get really subdued compared to what they're like when they're alone. Howard and Ronnie continued their arguing about the dinner. Howard said that Ronnie was just thinking of himself in this whole thing. Dominic Barbara called in and suggested that they go to Atlantic City instead. Howard said that would be a good idea. Ronnie said they don't get invited to Foxwoods (casino) when Howard and Dominic go so he wouldn't do something like that. Howard said that Ronnie could have planned a trip to A.C. and it would have been great. He created a nightmare for him instead. Howard said he'd rather sit at home alone and watch a movie. He told Ronnie that he wanted to drop the whole thing already. Ronnie continued to yell as he was leaving the studio. He came back a few seconds later and told Howard that he has to cancel the party if he doesn't want to go. Howard said he's not doing that but he's not going to show up to the party.
A caller told Howard that he thinks this was all brought about by the ''Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'' thing. He seems to think that the gay part of the whole thing was brought on by that. Ronnie came back to the microphone again but Howard wanted to drop it already. Ronnie was yelling so you could hear him across the studio. Howard put his microphone back on and argued again. Ronnie said that Howard's mother would be upset with him if she heard all of this going on.
A listener called in and said that Ronnie's ''Scoresman'' cape should be ripped away from him because of all of this. Another caller said that Ronnie was annoying him. Howard finally moved on to other stuff after that.
Mandy won breast implants from Howard when they were in Las Vegas last year. Howard said he couldn't remember how she won so she explained she played ''Blackjack for a New Rack'' and won. She was calling in to say that after winning the implants, they found that she was pregnant. She said the doctors told her that she was pregnant that day. She decided to use the money for the implants for other stuff for the baby. Then 3 months in she found out that she had to have an abortion because of complications with the baby. Now she's calling in to complain that she used the money for the baby and didn't have the baby. She wants more money to get implants. She bought a car and still owes money on that. She said she works for a factory where they make car parts so it would take forever to save up for implants. Robin told her that she shouldn't even be calling in. They gave her money to win the implants already and she used it for something else.
Howard said that she was abused for 4 years, had anorexia for 4 years and some other problems. They already gave her some money and now they're not going to give her anything else. Robin said that they should ask for the $10,000 back from her because she didn't use it for what it was supposed to be used for. Howard told her that they can't help her out with this. Robin was being really cold and wouldn't give her a second chance. Mandy thanked Howard for taking her call even though she didn't get anything from it.
A listener called in and said that he finally figured out how Jayson Williams' limo driver was killed. He said that he must have planned a dinner with the wives... and someone shot him. Howard and Robin seemed to think that was a pretty funny theory. Howard had to take a break right after that.
Howard talked about the great party that Robin threw for him on Friday night. He said that Vinnie Favale, who works for CBS, was there in a really bad suit. He said he heard that he has a wardrobe at Letterman's show and that's what he wore to the party. Robin said that two people looked like they were dressed bad that night. Vinnie and Ratso were wearing bad suits according to Robin.
Howard changed subjects and said that he was talking to someone about illegal immigrants. He said that someone was talking about how there would be no one to do a lot of manual labor in this country if we didn't have illegal immigrants. Howard said that there are plenty of people to do the work in this country. Illegal immigrants cause a lot of problems in this country and shouldn't be allowed to take the jobs that tax paying people could do. Howard said that there are no illegal immigrants taking jobs in Boston or Philadelphia. Howard said he feels bad for people who have to live in Mexico because the government is corrupt and the police are corrupt down there. He said that the people down there should do something about it. He said that he wishes that everyone could live in a society like ours but they can't.
Howard had a new sex tape (from SexxxyNoises.com) where there's a scenario you play along with while the girl talks to you. He played the tape and wondered if he'd be able to wank it to her. The woman says that she's surprised to find ''you'' walking past her as she gets out of her shower. She takes off her towel at one point and it makes an awfully loud noise. Howard was distracted by that and goofed on it for a few seconds. Howard continued to play the tape and goofed on it a little bit. Howard said he'd like to hear chicks get excited like that. They never do though. Howard asked Ronnie if he could invite that chick to the party. Howard said that he's had a couple of girls who asked him to grab their hair when he's having sex with them. He said he never knows what to do with it though. He said he's afraid he's going to be too rough with them. He also wonders if they're going to ask him to yank some teeth next. Howard and Artie talked about spanking for a short time as well.
Artie said he would never, in a million years, video tape himself having sex with a woman. Howard said that he has done that and it is a bad idea. He started to play the tape of the woman getting off. She was moaning like a monkey a bit so Fred played some tape of a chimpanzee freaking out. Artie thought she sounded like Pat Cooper a bit so Fred threw in some tape of Pat saying ''Whooo Ohoooo.''
Howard took some more calls on the illegal immigrant thing and talked about that a little more. Howard said it seems like Bush is selling out the American public.
The caller that Howard had on the line brought up the movie ''Monster'' which Howard really liked. Robin said she watched it and loved it. She wants to watch it again. The caller said that he used to live down in Florida and thinks that he smoked weed with the real woman the movie is based on. Howard didn't seem to care and hung up on him.
Howard had a new song parody about Artie. It was called ''Bloated Bank Robber'' to the tune of The Beatles ''Paperback Writer.'' It told a whole story about Artie's life. Howard cut it off halfway through the song.
Howard and the guys talked about a guy who was caught out on Long Island robbing banks. He would go out and rob banks on the weekend and lived a normal life during the week. Howard and Artie ended up talking about his botched bank robbery prank and what would have happened if he actually took the money he demanded. He thought that was the dumbest thing he'd ever done. Howard said that he thought the dumbest thing he ever did was lost his job on ''Mad TV'' because of cocaine use.
Another caller had a theory about why President Bush came up with the illegal immigration plans he recently announced. Howard and the caller talked about that for a few seconds before Howard took another call. A caller said that his girlfriend brought home another co-worker last night and had a threesome with him. Howard said that's the kind of call he should be getting on his 50th birthday, not the call that Ronnie has set up a dinner with the wives. The caller went on to tell Howard about his girlfriend coming home with her co-worker. They were going to use the hot tub because the co-worker's back hurt. The guy got the call and was told to wake up. He watched out the window as his girl and the co-worker were making out in the tub. Then the guy says he went to the door and tried to get in on it. He was invited into the tub so he got in naked with them.
The guy says that he watched them do their thing and then his girlfriend started to come over to him. He wasn't sure what to do so he waited for his girlfriend to make the move. He said the two women then started to mess with his ''apple sack.'' The guy said he didn't even get any sleep last night because of this. He said he didn't have sex with the other girl, she just watched as he banged his girlfriend. She did give him some oral though. Howard thanked him for the call a short time after hearing it and got off the phone.
Double A called in and asked Howard to put the girl moaning tape back on because he had his Beth O calendar out and was going to finish himself off to it. Howard played a little bit of that as he went to commercial break.
Jaime said she was just waking up out in California at 5:45 in the morning. Howard told her how good she looked and asked her if she was with Kid Rock. She said that she, Kid Rock and David Spade have been good friends ever since they did ''Joe Dirt'' together. She says she's not dating Kid Rock at all.
Howard checked out Jaime's pictures in Playboy and couldn't seem to get over how hot she was. The two of them talked about the ''Slapped a Yarmulke'' comment Jaime made about Howard. She figured he just couldn't take any dirt being thrown at him while he can dish it out to everyone else. Howard said she just confirmed that he's as ugly as he thought when she made the comment.
Howard heard that Jaime banged Cris Judd but she said that wasn't true either. She said that she was engaged a while back but that's over and she's single now. Howard told her it's time to find a rich guy and latch onto him.
Howard took a call from Debbie Schlussel who says that Jaime and Kid Rock have been seen together in Detroit quite a bit so she seems to think that they're together. Debbie made a good point when she asked Howard ''Who goes to Detroit during the holidays?'' Jaime said that they're friends and being seen together doesn't mean that they're dating.
Jaime said that she has appeared nude in a magazine before so this wasn't that big of a deal. Howard asked her if she ever does any ''dirty little whore'' dances for her guys. She said that she does what she has to do for her guy when she's with one. Howard told her how hot she was after looking at her pictures some more. He said she's got a great ass that looks like two little pumpkins back there.
Howard gave Jaime a plug for the movie ''Torque'' which she's appearing in. Howard took some phone calls after that and people asked her why she doesn't show any beaver. Howard didn't seem to care because he just kept looking at her pictures and told her how hot she looked in them. Howard said he'd like to see her beav but he'd still buy the magazine just to see her hot body. He gave her a ''Bravo'' for the layout. Howard said that a lot of guys are going to be wanking it to her pictures. She said that doesn't turn her on but she knows it was a compliment coming from him.
A listener called in and asked Jaime if she's ever banged any black guys. She refused to answer it because he phrased it a bit differently. He was using the N word and she didn't want to answer. Howard had him rephrase it and she said ''Yes'' to him. The caller then asked her if she's ever banged a Spic. Howard had to have him rephrase that as well. He had to ask her if she's had sex with a latino. She didn't want anything to do with that so Howard changed subjects.
Jaime told Howard about this movie ''Torque'' that she's in and what she wears in the movie. She drives around on a chopper the whole movie so she couldn't wear a skirt. She said she's dressed in leather though. Howard said if he was producing the movie, he'd have her in a bunch of provocative outfits instead of just the same thing the whole time. Artie didn't get why he should go see the movie when they can see her naked in Playboy.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and complained about Jaime's comment about Howard being slapped a yarmulke. Mariann said that Howard shouldn't be allowed on the show but Howard disagreed with her. He said if Hitler looked like Jaime, he'd bang her. Another caller called Jaime some names and got her a bit upset. She wasn't too thrilled with that stuff. Howard told her that guys are just pissed that she's so hot and they'd never be able to bang her.
Howard told Jaime that he just turned 40. Robin tried to correct him but he shushed her and stuck to the number 40. Jaime told Robin to let Howard be 20 if he wanted to. Howard said he'd still like to think he could bang her some day so he didn't want to upset her too much. Howard gave her a few more plugs for her Playboy layout. She also said she's appearing on NBC's ''Happy Family.''
After Jaime got off the line Artie checked out her pictures. He sounded pretty impressed but Fred said that she's a little too short for him. He said she looks great in the pictures but in person she's a ''fidget.'' Howard took a break shortly after that discussion.
Howard told the guys that he's declining the gift and he's telling everyone that this dinner is not his idea of fun. Ronnie told Howard that it's very rude and insulting to do this to them. Howard said he'd rather be poisoned than do this dinner. He said that going to dinner and watching these guys behave while they sit next to their wives. He said he'll go out to dinner with Neil one night and have some real fun. He said he wants the Neil that lets him wreck his house.
Ronnie said that Howard was basically telling America that he hates them and doesn't want to hang with them. One of the guys said that they were going to have to become friends with Imus instead. Howard said that's fine with him. Howard swears that he's not going to dinner with them. All of the guys said they'll be there waiting for him though.
Howard hung up on the guys and continued to complain about the dinner. Ronnie came back in and yelled at Howard a little more. Howard said that the next time Ronnie gets a Scores party for his birthday, he's not going to go and he's going to take Ronnie out to dinner that night instead. He threatened to never mention Scores again if Ronnie gets a party for his birthday.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and called Ronnie an idiot. He said that he's got a plan for Howard to be flown down to the Borgata in Atlantic City. Howard said he can't go because he has to go to dinner with Ronnie. Chaunce said the blame all lays on Robin because of the party she had for Howard. Robin said that's right and if she'd just invited Ronnie to that party, he wouldn't be doing this stuff. Chaunce said that he has it all set up so his massage therapist will fly down with them to Atlantic City and give everyone massages.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked ''When you surprise someone with a party, isn't there supposed to be something fun involved?'' Howard said that it is supposed to be fun but it won't be. All of them continued to go off on each other. Howard put the threat out to Lonnie from Scores again. He said he doesn't want him to get anymore parties and if he does, he's never going to mention Scores again. Howard said that Ronnie shouldn't be allowed to call himself ''Scoresman'' anymore.
Howard wondered if Ronnie was actually planning something cool where he's pretend to bring him to dinner but would actually bring him to Scores. He said if that's the case, he'd like to kiss him right there. He said there's no way Ronnie would do something like that dinner to him so it must have been some kind of joke. He said he must have fallen for it and it was a very elaborate joke.
Howard explained all of this once again and how he found out from Beth that Ronnie had this dinner planned. Howard said he couldn't believe that Ronnie would do something like that to him when he found out about it. Howard told Ronnie that he's worse than a wife after he said that he was throwing him this party as a personal thing. He said that Ronnie is like ''Bizarro Ronnie'' today. He later suggested that they go look at carpet samples with their wives.
Lonnie Hanover from Scores called in so Howard told him to take away Ronnie's ''Scoresman'' name and not allow him to have any more parties. Lonnie pretended that there was a secret party planned and he was in on it. Howard knew that wasn't the case. Ronnie told Lonnie that he's no longer allowed to go to Scores and he would not be going there anymore. Lonnie didn't seem to be affected by that statement though.
Robin had run off during the discussion to use the bathroom so Howard asked her about that. She said she had a very urgent feeling about going to the bathroom so she had to run out. Howard told her not to bite her fingernails like he did the other day. He seems to think that's how he got sick.
After the break Howard said that he will do whatever Ronnie wants. If he wants him to go to this dinner, he will go. He said he doesn't want Ronnie to be mad at him. He had Robin start her news after that since he'd spent so much time on the whole dinner thing.
Howard started off the show saying that they had both Evil David Letterman and Gilbert Gottfried coming in today. He said tomorrow they have Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro coming in. Other guests coming soon are Angie Everhart, Nikki Ziering and Donna D'Erico. That led to Howard and the guys talking about the lingerie party that's supposed to run during Super Bowl half time.
Howard read an article about Brooke Burke who did Howard's show one time. She made a comment about Howard in an interview and said that Howard's interview was boring and dumb. Howard wondered what she's done that was original. He also said that he remembers her being boring because she wouldn't answer any questions. She said she's not even that hot. He said that he knows a lot about her and if she wants a war, he'll go at it with her. In the interview she said that they hadn't done any research on her. Howard said there's nothing to research because she hasn't done anything. He said she's not that good at looking good either with the strange scar she has and her belly hanging over her pants. He said he doesn't remember fighting with her but he does remember that she had nothing to say during her interview.
Howard said that Mandy Moore was on Access Hollywood and tried to make a prank call because it was something she wanted to do without laughing. Howard played the audio from that bit and it wasn't funny at all. She pretended to have her tongue stuck in a VCR that she purchased from a store. They played some awful goofy music in the background as she made the call like it was going to make it funny. Howard goofed on that for a minute and moved on to other stuff.
Howard said that Beth was on the subway yesterday and this guy was pleasuring himself while he was looking at her. Howard said Beth was freaked out by that after a woman yelled at her to get away from him. The guy was wearing a rain coat while he did it. Howard said Beth told him that she was wearing a long coat and a hat so she wasn't exposed at all. Howard said he knows that he's a pervert but he'd never do something like that, ever. He said the guy had such balls that after Beth jumped up and moved, he said ''I'm not done yet.''
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered why Beth would take the subway. Howard said he doesn't know and he's offered her a limo to take but she doesn't want to do that. The caller said that Beth should not be on a subway. Howard agrees but he can't stop her from doing what she wants to do. Artie said he's been on the subway a lot and has never seen someone that hot.
Another caller told Howard that his girlfriend had a similar situation where a guy whacked off near her one time. Gary came in and said that he knows someone who actually had a guy arrested for doing that and went to court to follow through.
A caller said that he was looking at some pictures of Brooke Burke in Playboy and she looked hot. Howard said that he's seen her in person and they're airbrushing the hell out of her. The caller said that he likes her a lot and thinks she's really hot. Howard said that he's a fan of hers because she's good looking, not because she's talented.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he listened to Imus the other day and Imus was goofing on Howard's ratings loss to a Spanish station and goofed on Artie and Robin a little bit. Howard ended up talking about how the Spanish station is just The Howard Stern Show in Spanish because they're doing the same things that he does, they're just doing it in Spanish. He said that they had a woman with two vaginas on the show and that was something they were going to do. They had that planned after Scott DePace found out that it's a fairly common thing. Howard read an article about the morning show that's beating him and how they've changed their style and aren't doing Howard Stern style stuff. Howard said that he will always be the one who is talked about, not the guys on a Spanish station. He had to take a break right after that.
Howard said Ted tried to do a morning show himself but no one could take it for more than 15 minutes or so. He said that he likes Ted as a guest but he can't take too much of him.
Howard brought up Michael Jackson and how the Nation of Islam is involved in his life now. Howard said he's glad that they're involved now. He also saw that the mother of Michael's kids is in the news a lot now. Howard said that Michael is even more effeminate looking than the mother of his kids.
Howard got distracted at one point when he heard Artie writing something down through his open microphone. He asked him to find something that writes a little quieter. He got right back to the discussion about Debbie Rowe after that. Howard also said that Michael's kids probably aren't freaked out by the whole thing because Michael Jackson is their father.
Howard talked about writer Spalding Gray and how he has vanished. Howard said he read that authorities think that he may have thrown himself off the Staten Island Ferry or something like that. Howard was also reading about the two homes the guy has and wondered how he could afford stuff like that. He didn't think he made that much money from the work he's done.
Howard brought up how Rosie O'Donnell's ''Taboo'' Broadway show will be closed in February. Howard read that she was a tyrant when it came to the production of the show and she apparently ruined it.
Howard had an audio clip from Larry King's show and you could hear someone's stomach gurgling through the interview. He was interviewing Katie Segal and you could hear the stomach gurgling sound no problem. Howard figures that it was Larry's stomach, not Katie's. Howard and Robin figured it had to be Larry's stomach.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that Brooke Burke claims that she beat Howard's ratings with her show. Howard said that's ridiculous because his show is on every night and her's wasn't. Chaunce also said that Brooke claimed that Howard begged to have her on his show. Howard said that was ridiculous as well because no one even knows who she is. He said that she's only good at looking good and she's not even that good at that. He got Chaunce off the line pretty quickly after talking about that for a few seconds.
Howard said the people from Showtime sent him a copy of this new show, ''The L Word'' which is about lesbians. He said that it was horrible at first but he and Beth stuck with it and there's this really hot chick in the show that he had to watch. He said he's now into the show and he has to finish watching it today. He said it's a big rip-off of ''Sex and the City'' but it's pretty good. Howard said that Beth was checking his pants to make sure he wasn't getting turned on by the show. He said he wasn't but the show was good. Robin said the same thing happened with ''Queer as Folk'' show. She said she hated it at first but got into it pretty quick.
Howard said he watched the People's Choice Awards and that show was horrible. He said there was one blonde chick from ''Cold Case'' who looked pretty good. He said he didn't even know about the show. Robin told him it's a show kind of like CSI. Howard said Stuttering John just got him the first two seasons of CSI on DVD so he's going to finally start watching it. Howard went on to say that Jennifer Aniston didn't show up to the award show to accept her award. She was on take accepting it instead.
Howard said that Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer hosted the People's Choice Awards and did a horrible job at it. He said after that Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry won an award and got up to accept their award. It seemed like something that he would be interested in but they cut them off before they had a chance to say anything. He went on to say that Marg Helgenberger looked pretty good on that awards show. He said he interviewed her years ago on his E! Interview show and she looked about 40 back then. He said she looks pretty amazing. Howard said that Jim Carrey was good on the show running all over the place making the show funny. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard played more of the tape and goofed on it a little bit because it's kind of ridiculous. Howard said she must be using a vibrator in the scenario because he would have finished 10 minutes before the end of it. She was moaning at one point so Fred threw in some duck sound effects. The scenario had something to do with sneaking around behind the woman's husband's back so that led to the guys talking about how they wouldn't want any part of that. Robin said that she slept with a guy who was married one time but she'd never do it again.
Howard said that he wants to interview Lionel Ritchie again. He said he was reading about his daughter Nicole and she says that Lionel is not her biological father. Howard read the article to Robin and it says that Nicole's real father is the band leader on Wayne Brady's show. According to the article, Lionel took Nicole in when she was young after finding the guy's kid to be ''cute.'' Howard said he has to ask Lionel about that.
Howard said the whole low-carb diet thing has gotten out of hand lately. He said that Burger King now has a low-carb menu. He read about that and talked about how the fat cows who walk into a Burger King are going to eat a bunch of these platters instead of just one. That led to Howard playing tape of Oprah Winfrey talking to Randy Jackson about stomach stapling and how it's not really the ''easy way out'' of being fat. Howard and Robin talked about Dominic Barbara and how odd he looked after he lost 100 pounds after having stomach surgery.
Since they were talking about fat guys, Howard brought up the fact that Artie had two lunches yesterday. Artie said that he had some chicken and a drink for his first lunch because he wanted to keep it light. He said he had a big bottle of Hawaiian Punch with the chicken. That lunch was with Stuttering John, Will and Jason. Then he had an old friend come in and went to lunch with him. He said he had a shrimp cocktail and a Kobe beef cheeseburger. He said he had coffee and some desert. They had a bunch of samples of deserts. He had about 3 sodas with his meal. He also had some colored potato chips with the burger. Artie said he threw some of the chips on the burger as well. Robin said he should become a chef or something the way he can create a meal.
Howard asked Artie if he ate when he got home too. Artie said that his neighbor made him some pasta and he had to have some of that. He also had a Kit Kat bar as a snack. Howard said it's a good thing he has the show to interrupt his eating. Howard and Robin said Artie eats throughout the show though.
Howard played more tape of Oprah interviewing Randy Jackson. Jackson talked about getting diarrhea when he eats certain things now that he's had the stomach surgery. Jackson talked about all of the stuff he can't eat and how so many things make him sick. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard said that ''Private Parts'' has been airing on HBO in Spanish lately. He had a clip from the movie that he played. It was a scene where Howard was talking to his wife in a restaurant or something like that. Howard said that he sounds a little creepy in Spanish. That led to Fred playing some of Vinnie Favale's creepy love tapes that they've been playing for months now.
Howard said that he ordered a few books from amazon.com over the weekend and he just got a note from them saying that they should show up by the 23rd. He said he doesn't get why it would take so long. He said he didn't think he'd need express shipping so he didn't bother with that. Howard said one problem with ordering books on the internet is that you don't know if the book is going to be good or not. You have to trust people's reviews. He said he's getting some books on organizing. There was a book that he bought that he thought was going to be about one thing and it turned out it wasn't anything like that so he threw it in the garbage.
Artie wondered why Howard wants to be more organized than he is already. He said that he really has to get organized because he's got piles and piles of stuff in storage that he has to go through. Artie also asked Howard if he answers fan mail at all. Howard said he doesn't deal with that stuff. He said he did respond to some people who sent him some organizer paper that he was looking for. Howard said he's getting all of these books about organizing and he doesn't even know where he's going to put those. Robin bragged that she has organized one of her closets.
Howard said that he heard that Artie's mother bought the gift he got for his birthday. Howard said that the gift wasn't as great as he thought it was. He said that it ended up in the storage bin in New Jersey with the rest of his stuff. Stuttering John was in to make fun of Artie about the gift. He was laughing and goofing on Artie about the gift. Howard said he got five good minutes out of it and it's the thought that counts.
Evil Dave Letterman was in so Howard was going to start talking to him. He and Ronnie were still talking about the mess they had yesterday during the show. Ronnie said he got a call from Howard's assistant Laura who helped put the whole thing to rest. Ronnie said he hadn't told anyone that they're not going to dinner on Saturday so this was the first they were hearing of it. Howard said he didn't want to make a bit out of it anymore so he let Ronnie go back to work... Standing in the hall.
Howard told Dave about the party that Robin threw him last Friday where they had a wine tasting. Dave made a joke about how his DNA tasts like a 1965 Cabernet but he screwed up the line so the guys goofed on him a little bit about that.
Howard broke out of the script they had going and said that this guy who plays Evil Dave likes to go over to see Letterman's show when he's in town. KC said that Evil Dave saw him yesterday and he told him that it was an opportunity of a lifetime to go see Dave. KC didn't go so Evil Dave went down and told the people there that he's the guy who plays ''Evil Dave.'' They let him in the show and let him meet some people in the green room. Dave said that he got to hang with some of the regulars from the show. He made some prank calls for them and hung out for a short time. He got to meet Paul Shaffer and a bunch of others but the real Dave never came in. After that they kicked him out.
Howard said now Dave wants Howard to call the real Dave and ask him if he can be on the show to read a top 10 list or something. Howard said that's not going to happen. Gary came in and said that Evil Dave was thrilled when they called him to put him on when Howard made his last appearance on Letterman's show. They never got to his call though. Howard said Letterman asked him if he wanted to put the guy on the air or not and he didn't have anything planned.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that Evil Dave is kind of strange and kept going around telling everyone the same joke over and over. He said that the guy is actually kind of scary.
Howard got off all of the Letterman stuff and played some tape of Wayne Brady rapping the news on his awful talk show. Howard and the guys goofed on Brady and how bad he really is.
Comedian Craig Gass (IHateComedians.com) called in and said that he tried to meet Al Pacino one time because he can do a Pacino impression. He said he felt like a dick after trying to do that though. Howard talked to Evil Dave about what he really wants from the real David Letterman. Dave said that he wouldn't mind getting to do a Top 10 list. Craig said that he went to see a play that Pacino was in and someone recognized him so Craig told them to tell Al that he was there. Craig said that he was told to hang around after the show with his friends. He said that his manager came down and asked him what they could do for him. Craig told him that he was the guy who does Al Pacino's baby on the Stern show. The guy said ''Good for you'' and thanked him for coming in. He never got to meet Pacino and said he felt really dumb trying to meet him.
Howard had to take a break but he let Evil Dave do a quick Top 10 List. Here's the list of The Top Ten Reasons To Have a Dog Instead of a Wife...
Howard said there's a $5,000 toilet in the news paper. He said that the toilet seat lifts up when you approach it but that's no big deal. He said the thing that's impressive is that there's a built in water sprayer that is heated and has a blow dryer to clean and dry your ass after you doot. Howard said he'd love to have something like that. Artie said that he's going to go get one tomorrow. Howard said it won't work in his apartment though because he bought prison toilets for his apartment.
Artie told him that he had to buy the toilets with the heavy pull because he needs that. He said he made a number 2 in prison one time and the suction of the toilet was amazing. Howard read a little more about this $5,000 toilet and how it does everything for you. Evil Dave made a joke about the toilet that just wasn't funny. Howard told him to stick to the script. He had him do another Top 10 list. This one was ''The Top 10 Things to say to Star Jones While Having Sex.''
Howard thinks that Gary smokes because of his family life. He says that Gary started smoking after his wife started to have him do chores and made him help out with the kids. Gary didn't see it that way though.
Gary also told Howard that the guy is not in Virginia, he's in Boston. Robin said that there was someone she knew that was able to quit after just one class. Gary said that he heard that this woman, Peggy, felt like having a cigarette one time so she called this guy up in Boston and just yelled at her. Gary said he's going to see this guy when he goes. Robin Radzinski came in and said that she hates smoking and she's going to go with Gary. Tom Chiusano came in and said that Peggy smokes. Robin said she didn't know that she was back to smoking. Scott the Engineer came in and said he's trying to ween himself off of cigarettes. Howard told him he can't ween himself off, he just has to quit. He said that he should think of it as his baby bottle and remember that every time he picks it up.
Stuttering John and Artie were going to bet that they could give up on their habits. Stuttering John said he'd bet him but Artie didn't think anyone would call his bluff and didn't actually want to bet. John then said he'd bet Gary that he could give up smoking for 2 months. Gary wanted him to give up drinking for 2 months. John said he'd do that for $5000.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he went to this Mad Russian guy and he hasn't had a cigarette since then. The caller said he thinks that the guy kind of hypnotizes you with his hands while he's talking to you. He said the guy brings everyone in individually and makes them say that they're a smoker, then yells. He then charges them $65 and sends them on their way. The guy said it worked for him.
Gary said he'd go even if the guy charged $650. Gary said that he smokes about a half a pack a day and doesn't smoke at home. The caller said that it was really tough after he quit. He said he was feeling so bad that he was ready to go to the hospital.
Howard said that the girl was in love with Gilbert but she got tired of waiting for him to change. Stuttering John said that Gilbert takes home all of the soaps and shampoos from the hotels he stays in as well.
Gary asked Gilbert if he owns his apartment or a car. Gilbert says he doesn't own anything like that. The guys asked if he buys stereo equipment or anything. He says he doesn't spend anything. Howard said he thinks that because Gilbert's parents were very poor, he seems to hate his parents and wants to have as much money as possible. Howard asked him when he actually moved out of his parents house. Gary said he was pretty sure he was over 30 when he finally moved out.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that Gilbert shows up to parties around the city and he always has a knapsack with him. He swears that he loads that thing up with food and stuff. Gilbert joked that he scoops up lasagna and puts it in the bag. Howard asked him if he takes salt shakers and things like that. Gilbert wouldn't talk seriously about that though. He just made jokes about it all.
Stuttering John said that Gilbert won't pay for lunch and he won't pay for a cab to get back to his home. Gary said that Gilbert didn't take a cab this morning. Carolines actually got him a car to drive him there. He told a couple of other stories about Gilbert's cheapness.
A woman, Valerie, called in and said that she slept with Gilbert years ago. Stuttering John said he thinks he knows who the girl is. He said that he slept with her as well. He said he only banged her twice. When he found out she was banging Gilbert he had to get out of there. Artie said she had quite a resume. She said that she really liked Gilbert, that's why she banged him. She told Howard that Gilbert would barely feed her and she would just bang him and leave. She also said that he was a good lover. Howard asked her what he was good at so she said that he spanked her. Gilbert said that she was just too picky with the food, that's why he doesn't call her. Howard asked her who was better in bed at the time. She said Gilbert was better than John.
John said that he was able to give her an orgasm. She also said that John has a bigger penis than Gilbert but Gilbert was still a better lover than John was. Valerie shared a few other stories about Gilbert and said that ragging on Gilbert isn't right because she had a lot of fun with him. Howard asked her about what kinds of things she did with Gilbert and what it was like getting spanked by him. She spent a short time talking about that before Howard got her off the line.
Another woman called in and said she used to invest Gilbert's money for him. She said that he has done very well for himself. Howard said that's because he doesn't spend any money. Howard ended up hanging up on her before she could say hello to Artie like she wanted to.
Howard gave Gilbert a couple of plugs for his appearances at Carolines and Governors. Stuttering John said that when he was going out with that girl Valerie, her parents met him at the door with a video camera. He said it was very strange. Artie said they should have asked her about her other celebrity conquests.
Valerie was back on the line a couple of minutes later. She said that she's even better looking now than she was back then. John said she was smokin' hot back then. She's 32 now. Howard wanted to see what she looks like now. He invited her to come in so they could check her out.
Stuttering John claims that he banged a Playboy Playmate at one point in his life so Howard asked him about that. John said he gave Will her name and she looked her up. Will came in a short time later and said that he spoke to the Playmate's mother and the Playmate recently had a stroke. That got Gilbert laughing pretty hard when he heard that. John said that he'd just found out that he was bad in bed and gave another girl a stroke. Howard had to take a break a short time after talking about that.
John was going to tell a story about how he thought he could have gotten Crystal Bernard when he was on ''Wings'' one time. He said she came into his dressing room one time and asked him what a cute guy like him was doing being married. He thought that she was coming on to him at the time.
Evil Dave threw in some more jokes before Howard had Robin get to her news. Howard also gave Gilbert a few more plugs for the stuff he had coming up soon. He said that Gilbert's moves for picking up women are actually pretty impressive. He said that he's able to just pick them up at a bar and bang them. Then he doesn't care when they leave.
Howard took a call from a guy who had his 9 year old son on the phone to ask to hear the Afflack duck. Gilbert just laughed when Howard asked him to say something. Howard figured he just didn't want to lose the gig with Afflack.
Artie and Gilbert goofed on Stuttering John throughout the news. They were cracking each other up doing impressions of him talking about the chicks he banged and stuff like that. Every story that Robin brought up turned into a joke about Stuttering John and the girls he's thought hit on him.
Howard said it was going to be a busy show today. He said that Maimai Ali, Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro and Dave Attell were all coming in today.
Howard took a call from a guy who complained about the way Artie dresses even after having the Queer Eye guys help him out. Howard defended Artie and said that he's a guy and it doesn't matter if he dresses well or not. Howard asked the caller if he was a girl or something worrying about the way Artie dresses.
Howard was talking about how good the James Taylor song was at the start of the show. He said he liked the song Joe Walsh and James Taylor did on the show one time. Fred pulled that one out and played it for Howard as well. Robin said she knows why Howard likes the song so much. She said it's because it's so depressing. Howard said he almost cries when he hears the song. Robin explained to Howard what the lyrics were all about. Howard said his first girlfriend's name was Irene and the song was ''Good Night Irene'' so that might have something to do with it. He talked about how hot his girlfriend was when he was a young kid. His best friend at the time told him that he should play the field so that's what he did and blew the relationship. She had a boyfriend the next day and he was single. Howard said he ruined the relationship all by himself. He said that he heard that she went off and got married to one of the next guys she met so she wasn't even with that many other guys. Howard said if he'd stuck with her there's no telling where they would be. He said he tried to get her on the show but she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. He seems to think that she's still upset with that break up. He also said that he thinks that women really fall in love with him and get very upset when he breaks up with them.
Howard said that Angie Everhart pulled a low blow yesterday. She once told everyone that Howard was great in bed when she called in one time. He played the tape to prove it. He said that yesterday she did a back pedal on ''Good Day Live'' with Jillian Barberie. She said that he was the best guy she ''ever dated'' and kind of said that he wasn't her best lover. Howard figures that she must be dating someone now and doesn't want to screw things up. She's supposed to come in soon so he said he's going to bring that up then.
Howard said that he's a good guy and women seem to be shocked by that. He went on to talk about his former girlfriends again and said that women seem to like him when they get to know him. He bragged about that a little bit and took some phone calls after that. One phone caller said that he heard that his girlfriend dumped him for a black guy back when he was 14. Howard said he's never been dumped for a black guy. He said he was rarely dumped for anyone. He said he usually did the dumping.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it has to be the schlong that the women fall in love with. Howard said he has six inches and that's it. The caller also said that he has to be kind of uncomfortable with Carmen Electra coming in because he figured he banged her. Howard said he never said he banged Carmen. He figures she doesn't come on the show that often because Dave Navarro has probably put a stop to it though.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Howard about dating Robin Givens. Howard said he did date Givens for a couple of months. Robin (Quivers) said she didn't think they made a very good couple and didn't see much of anything going on there. Howard asked her what she actually thought about it. She said she didn't see it working out for them because it seemed kind of awkward. Howard said he liked her and still likes her. Artie said she seemed a little ''snooty'' to him when she was dating Mike Tyson. Howard said she was anything but snooty. He also said he's not saying that he banged her. Stuttering John came in and asked Howard if Angie Everhart or Robin Givens was better in bed. Howard couldn't make the comparison because he wasn't saying that he banged Givens. He asked a couple of other questions about the relationship but Howard couldn't talk about it.
Howard said that he went out with Robin Givens a couple of times even after he met Beth. Howard said that Beth has a deep trust with him so he's able to do stuff like that. Howard said he lets Beth go out with old friends as well and doesn't have a problem with that. Artie asked John if his wife would have a problem with him going out with the Playmate he banged (who also had a stroke). John didn't answer and asked Gary if his wife would have a problem if he went out with an old girlfriend. Gary said he doesn't think he'd mind letting his wife go out to dinner with an ex-boyfriend. Howard said Gary's wife is probably banging someone right now.
Howard wondered what was up with Gary this morning because he had a funny look on his face. Gary said he had a really bad pain on his right side between his stomach and balls. Artie and Howard said that it's probably his appendix. Howard told him to go to the hospital but Gary said he's not ready for that.
Howard talked about the snow in New York this morning and how bad it was. Gary said that none of the roads were plowed this morning when he came in. Robin also mentioned how cold it was supposed to be and how they're going to break records. Gary said that he called their Program Director in St. Louis and it was like 51 degrees yesterday. It's supposed to be cold there but it wasn't. That led to the guys talking about other states and how miserable they are at different times of the year.
Stuttering John asked Howard if he thinks he could have banged Carmen Electra. Howard said that Carmen didn't want him when he was out with her and he never banged her. John and Robin seemed to think that he was lying to them about that. Howard swore to god that he never got oral from Carmen either. He said he only wished he'd gotten her. John also asked Howard if Angie was good at oral. Howard said he couldn't answer that but did say that she was good at everything. He had to take a break right after that.
Howard said that he saw the latest Britney Spears video and she looks good in it but the song sucks. He said she had a couple of good songs in the beginning but the new song is bad. He said she's almost naked in the new video. He said that you kind of have to have a good song to go along with a good video though. That led to Howard talking about Pink and Britney and how their hit songs are usually written by other people. Howard said he thought that Christina Aguilera's hit song ''Beautiful'' was written by someone else. Howard played one of Britney's songs and sang along to it for a minute.
Howard said that he worked out yesterday and he's in pain today. He said he hadn't been working out much lately because he was having trouble with one of his feet. He said it was like it was dead or something. He said he couldn't feel his foot for some reason. That led to Howard talking about how his 10 year old daughter needs a pair of Uggs boots for his daughter. He said that he got on the air a while back and asked for people to help him out. A bunch of people responded but he gave out the wrong shoe size. She's not a 5, she's a 6 and a half. Now he needs to get a size 7 because they don't sell half sizes. He's looking for full size beige and full size pink for her. He asked for help but said he doesn't want them free, he wants to pay for them. He and Robin talked about that stuff for a short time. Howard said he's been wearing these Uggs boots for a long time and now they're a bit hit. Robin said she never sees them on anyone though.
A listener called in and said that he took Viagra for the first time ever recently. He said that he's only 28 so he doesn't really need it. He took two of them and claims that it made it bigger. Howard and Robin didn't believe that it made it bigger though. The guy complained that women have made fun of him in the past because he's so small. Howard said he's never had that problem though. He also said he'd never take that stuff and mess with his package. He took another break right after that quick discussion.
Gary said that they tried to get the guy from Outkast to come in and sing on Howard's birthday but he wouldn't sing for them. He agreed to come in but needed like 87 other guys to come in with him to perform the song. Howard played his Karaoke contest performance for a few seconds.
Howard brought up this coach Dick Vermeil who used to yell at the people he was coaching. His doctors told him he had to stop doing that or he'd have a brain aneurism or something. Now he just cries at all of the press conferences he does. Howard played tape of the guy breaking down and crying at a recent press conference. He was crying so hard you could barely understand what he was talking about. Howard and the guys discussed that for a short time.
Howard said that some people are upset with him playing the SexxxyNoises.com love tapes. Fred told Howard that some people have their radios up loud at work and people think they're listening to porn or something when they hear it. Howard played the latest one in which the scenario takes place pool side. For some reason she says ''thongs'' instead of ''thong'' when she asks you to take off her thong. She also does a lot of heavy breathing in the tapes. Howard threw in some animal noises since she sounds kind of animal like when she's moaning and screaming. The animal tapes worked pretty well with the tapes.
Howard brought up a story about a radio station in Cincinnati that reported that Ozzy Osbourne had died from his injuries in his ATV accident. Howard said the guy who sent them the e-mail got upset and thought that the story was true. Howard said he just doesn't get that whole thing and doesn't get the joke. He said that it was on WEBN according to the writer. Howard said he doesn't even know if the guy who wrote the e-mail is telling the truth. He said a joke like that is kind of like that ''Punk'd'' show on MTV because they never have an ending for their jokes. Howard said it's not funny and wondered how it would be considered creative.
Howard said someone sent him a web site where they have some kind of Michael Jackson game where you shoot him or his kids. He said that the web site was ZooAss.com/games/neverland/neverland.shtml
KC said that Dave Navarro called in and asked if they could play Anal Ring Toss with a dude when they come in. KC said Dave told him that they have a guy who is willing to take the pole for the game. Howard said he thinks Dave may be a little gay or something. The conversation changed when KC mentioned that someone banged a dead chick. Howard then asked KC if he would rather have oral from a gay guy or bang a dead chick. KC said that he would rather do the oral thing. Howard told him that he's gay if that's what he would do. Then the guys started talking about the gay stuff they've done in their lives. Howard said that he touched a guy when he was a young child. Gary said that KC has probably done some gay stuff when he was playing football in college. KC said none of that stuff was because he wanted to do gay stuff though.
Howard said he figured out a way to make the gay anal ring toss game not so gay. He said that they could say that if Artie wins, Carmen Electra would have to get naked. Howard said that Artie might have to offer to kiss the guy if he loses though. Howard played the ''Lord of the Anal Ring Toss'' song parody they had from the last time they played. Artie says that he was the Lord of the FEMALE anal ring toss. Artie said he would put up $500 for the game but no kissing another guy. Howard took a break before bringing in Maimai Ali.
Howard said that Donald Trump really gave it to Les Moonves recently. He read a quote where Trump basically says that Les isn't too bright of a programmer and he's over rated. Howard defended Les for some reason and said that he has picked some hit shows so he can't be all that bad of a programmer.
Howard introduced Maimai Ali who is Muhammad Ali's daughter. Her birth name is actually Maryum and the Maimai is just a nick name for her. She said it sounds cooler around the house when someone calls out your name. She had written a children's book. She mentioned that quickly before Howard started asking her about her mother's relationship with Muhammad Ali. She told Howard about the history of their family. She talked about all of Muhammad Ali's wives and how they were all black. Howard said he doesn't think that Ali still has sex but Maimai seems to think he does.
Howard asked Maimai if she thinks her father is well endowed. She said she heard from one of her sisters that he was. She said her sister just happened to see him coming out of the bathroom one time.
Maimai told Howard that she was raised by her grandparents but she doesn't hold anything against her mother or father. Howard figured she must be a little bit upset about the whole thing. She said she was raised very normal by her grandparents and had a great childhood.
Maimai said that she was married to a guy one time. Howard asked her if she's ever banged a white guy. She said she hadn't but Howard didn't believe her and said he thinks she has. She said she didn't even date all that much and she'd be the ideal daughter for Howard. She said that she hasn't done another chick either.
Howard said that being Muhammad Ali's daughter was no picnic. Maimai said that it was just fine though and had nothing bad to say about her father. She said she went to school in Chicago and it was very normal to her. She defended her parents whenever Howard would say anything negative about them.
Howard gave Maimai a plug for her book ''I Shook Up the World: The Incredible Life of Muhammad Ali'' and quickly gave a wrap up of what they talked about during the short interview. Maimai told Howard and Robin that her father was a great guy to her when she was growing up and he's still a great guy. Howard told her that she was a very nice woman but he gets what's going on... He said she can't say anything because she'll be cut off from her father's money. Artie joked that Maimai was named after the month that her father saw her every year, May, May. He said she's got another sister by the name of June, June.
Howard said that he's kind of mad at Muhammad Ali because he called Joe Frazier a ''gorilla'' back when they were fighting. He said that it was a very racist thing to say to a great man like Joe. Maimai said that her father apologized for that but Joe should have been able to take some verbal abuse, he was a fighter. Howard was going to wrap up the interview but Maimai said something about everyone in there being ''beautiful people.'' Howard said she has very beautiful skin herself. They traded a few compliments and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard changed subjects and brought up something that the government is going to do to keep families together. Howard and Robin said that it's not going to help and they're putting $1.5 billion toward this program.
Howard said he went on the web to check out the news anchor who stripped down at a contest at a motorcycle gathering. He said he checked her out and she looked pretty hot to him. He said it's on this web site Glumbert.com. Robin thought she had some odd looking implants but Howard said he kind of likes that.
Howard mentioned another web site that Kidd Chris told him about. It's at LiberatorShapes.com and it's a site for this sexual helper pillow where they have demonstration videos. He said they're kind of soft core but they're pretty good.
Howard read an article about the ''Friends'' cast and how upset they are that they're shooting their last show. He said that Jennifer Aniston said something about being in pain from leaving the show. Howard said he's sick of hearing that stuff. He also said that he gives Matt Leblanc's show ''Joey'' about two weeks on the air before it's canceled. He said that the rest of them will try to get movie rolls and all of the movies will suck. He said he thinks David Schwimmer will be the one who screws up his career the most. He said that Jennifer Aniston will probably survive it all because she's got Brad Pitt. Robin said she thinks that it will mean the end of their career because she'll be home all the time now.
Howard moved on to talk to Dave Navarro for a couple of minutes. He's still in Jane's Addiction and he told Howard that they give Howard credit for getting them back together. Howard interrupted him and said that he thinks Dave might be kind of gay because he hangs around with so many dudes. Dave said he's not gay and he did a lot of that kissing guys thing when he was in a different head space back then. He said he doesn't have any desire to do anything to guys at all. He said that he never gave or received oral from another guy. Howard heard that Perry Farrell got oral from a guy one time but he didn't like it.
Howard asked Carmen how good Dave is in bed. She said that he's the best she's ever had and he's a sensitive lover. Howard wondered if she's good for Dave. Dave said that she's the best he ever had. Howard asked Dave how long it was before Carmen gave it up. Dave said it was the first night but Carmen said it was on the third date. They said they have gotten into a little ''ass play'' since they got together but Carmen said she's really not into that. She said that she has fiddled around back there with Dave.
Dave told Howard that Carmen came home with some sex toys one night and she wanted to play with them. He said it sounded good but Carmen turned the lights on and it became very clinical. He said it was basically her looking into his ass for a half hour. He said it felt like he was getting a colonoscopy or something.
Carmen and Dave said that they've been married since November 22nd. They've been together for 3 years. Howard was invited to their Bachelor/Bachelorette party but didn't come. it was in Las Vegas at the Hard Rock so Howard didn't make it.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Carmen and Dave that they're both great people. He had nothing bad to say at all. Howard moved on to talk to the two of them about this reality TV show they have coming up on MTV. They said that this has actually helped their relationship because they've been on the road promoting together. Usually they have schedules that don't let them hang out together all that much. They said that they had cameras following them at just the more action filled stuff they did for two months around their wedding. It's going to be just 7 episodes. They're not looking to get anything out of this show, they just thought it would be a fun thing to do.
Dave said that he gets to see some stuff on the show that he didn't get to see like when Carmen was getting dressed for the wedding and stuff like that. He said it was a fun experience.
Carmen said that one of the people in the wedding was Sharon Osbourne. Howard figured that was set up by MTV but Carmen said that she was friendly with her kids and knew her. She ended up in the wedding. Howard wondered if Carson Daly was the best man.
Howard asked Carmen and Dave about how they were ''Punk'd'' for one of the first shows they shot for MTV. They said it never aired for some reason so Howard asked them what happened. Dave said that they were set up with a crazy cab driver and he ended up hitting someone on the street. Dave said that Carmen told the guy to just ''Go, go, go, go...'' Dave said he was about to punch out the driver so they had to cut it short before that happened. The show was supposed to be called ''Harassed'' but it was changed to ''Punk'd'' later. Howard said they should show that episode on his show sometime.
Carmen told Howard about how romantic Dave is with her and some of the nice things he's done for her. Howard asked them how often they bang these days. Dave said it's between 3 and 1 depending on their schedules. Howard said that's no good and wondered if Carmen ever thinks that he doesn't want her anymore. She said she never feels that way. Howard told Dave that sometimes he has his girlfriend just go out to try on different outfits. He said he never buys anything, he just has her trying stuff on. Dave said he's going to start doing that as well.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who wanted to talk to Carmen. He asked her if she enjoys Bukkake. Dave wasn't sure what that was so Howard kind of explained it had something to do with the face. Howard explained it to her but got the delay hit on him.
Stuttering John came in and asked Carmen if anything happened between her and Howard. They showered together out in Malibu one time but that was it. They had bathing suits on in the shower. Carmen swore on the life of her father that they didn't do anything. No oral, no sex... She said that she does miss hanging out with Howard though. She said she's kind of jealous of Beth as well.
Howard wondered if they could get Carmen and Beth together to do something. Dave said that there's a limit on that and said that there should be a 5 or 6 year limit on when to bring in another chick. Carmen said it sounds like a good idea but it turns into a nightmare afterward. She said she hasn't had sex with another woman but she's not against the idea. She said she has made out with another woman before. She said she's still friends with the woman. Howard asked her a few questions about that and she said that it should end up on the MTV show. She said that Dave was bowling at the time. Howard asked Dave if he'd be open to seeing something like that happen with his girlfriend. Dave said that it's okay when it's two anonymous people but when it's a girlfriend or a wife, it gets complicated. He said you have to concentrate on your wife when you do a threesome, otherwise it can get very complicated.
Howard told Carmen how hot she looked and asked if they're thinking of having kids. Dave said that's down the road a bit. They're not planning anything right now.
Howard asked Dave about how they wanted to play Gay Anal Ring Toss. Dave said their assistant is a huge fan of Howard's and he offered to play. He's not gay, he's just willing to do anything to get on. Howard told Dave that he would let them play against Artie if Carmen would get topless. Carmen said that she won't get topless or bottomless. Howard threw a few things at her and one of them was that the guys would get to squeeze her boobs. It would be Artie, Howard and Fred who got to squeeze her boobs. She said she just wanted Howard to do it but Artie was going to be playing the game. Howard said that he would have Artie squeeze one while he squeezed the other. Carmen kind of agreed to that so Howard had the guy come in.
Dave's assistant Greg came in and said that this was not his idea. It was Dave's idea. Howard told him what he had to do. He had to take a stick and shove it in his ass while on all fours. Then Artie would try to toss some rings onto the stick. That's Gay Anal Ring Toss. Carmen said she doesn't want Greg to do this. He was lubing up the stick so he could shove it in though. Dave said Greg looked like he was enthusiastic about lubing the thing up.
Artie said that he was going to be distracted by a man's ass so he may not do very well. Greg was ready to go a short time later. He had his ass up and ready to get the rings tossed at him. Artie told him that they get 3 rings to toss and whoever gets the most wins. They marked a line for them to stand behind to toss the rings.
Dave went up and tossed his first ring and got it on the stick. The second one missed. He also missed the third. Howard had Artie go up next. He went up to the line and tossed his first. He got the first one. Artie missed the second one and missed the third. They had to do a tie breaker. Dave finally asked what his prize was if he won. Howard said he couldn't believe that he didn't ask for anything earlier. Dave asked to kiss Robin and she agreed to it.
Howard had to do another round to break the tie. Artie went first. He threw his rings and missed the first. He got the second one and said all he could think about was Carmen's breasts. He hit his third ring so he had two. Artie yelled out ''I'M The LORD OF The RINGS!'' Dave was up again and hit his first one. He tossed his second ring and got it. He missed the third so they had to do a third round. Greg was ready to bail out on the game by then but Howard said he had to do a third round.
Howard had Artie go again. He missed his first shot. He hit the second and hit the third. He had two again. Dave got up and tossed his first hitting the stick. Greg said that one actually hurt him. Dave tossed his second and missed the second one. The third one hit again so it was tie number 3. Greg was ready to give up but Howard told him they had to do a fourth round.
Artie tossed and hit his first and second rings. He missed the third. Dave went up and tossed his three rings again. He hit the first and moved the stick violently again. He missed the second and hit the third tying up the game again. Poor Greg had the stick in his ass the whole time. He said couldn't hold it anymore.
Round 4. Artie hit his first toss after they moved the line back. He only got the one. Dave got up and did his tosses. He missed the first, second and third toss so Artie was once again ''Lord of the Anal Rings.'' Greg held up pretty good during the game as well so they thanked him. Artie said he would hug the guy if he wasn't homophobic. He did it all for Howard. Gary gave him a $500 prize for what he'd done.
Howard and Artie got to do their breast exams on Carmen next. Howard let Artie go first. Howard said her belly was exposed and described what she was wearing. Artie then went over and gave her a breast exam on Carmen's breast. Fred played some horn honking sound effects while he did it. Artie said that might have been the best moment of his life.
Howard got up and went up to feel Carmen's other breast. Artie had the left side so Howard took the right side. He touched them and watched Dave's eyes as he did it. Howard said that his hand on her breast just wasn't right. He said it sure felt great. He thanked Artie for winning the anal ring toss game.
Carmen said that Howard has beautiful feet and Dave does too. Dave didn't understand what the connection was though. She was just telling them how beautiful Howard's hands were as he was touching her. Howard said her breast felt ''magnificent'' in his hand. He said he loved doing that. Carmen wondered what Dave wins for playing. They told him he gets nothing but he does get to go home with Carmen.
Howard gave Dave and Carmen a plug for their MTV show ''Until Death Do Us Part'' which starts airing later this month. He also gave Carmen a plug for her aerobics video series. He said it's available at AerobicStripTease.com
Howard gave Dave a plug for the Comedy Central Live tour that he's on. He said you can find out more about that at ComedyCentral.com. That led to Dave talking about how much he drinks when he's on tour. He said he was out at one place recently and when he came out he got a cab and told him to take him to his hotel. A few minutes later he found out he was right across the street from the place he came out of.
Howard took a call from a woman who was wondering if Howard was looking for any writers. She said she can write some funny stuff but she couldn't do it right on the spot. Howard told her that she wasn't doing a very good job for him. She said she could make the show ''ten times better'' if she was on the show. Howard gave her some examples of what he wanted her to do but she didn't seem to get it. She kept saying that she wanted to write some stuff and send it in to him. Howard would tell a joke and she would say ''Oh my god...'' Howard told her to send her stuff to Imus, he can use the help. He hung up on her after that.
Howard said that the guy who created ''Anal Ring Toss'' asked for a plug. He said the web site where you can see where it's played the right way is at ChesterMolestHer.com
Howard said it was only 2 degrees outside in New York City this morning. He said he spent 10 seconds outside and it was brutal. Robin said he was wearing a heavy coat and he was still freezing. Howard said that he had that plus layers of clothes on underneath him. He said that this weather is his Krytonite, he hates it. Robin asked him how his heat has been in his apartment since it was giving him problems in the past. He said things are okay now but it's a long story about how he finally got it fixed.
Howard talked about how the heat is finally keeping his apartment at the right temperature. He said his designer didn't want any boxes shown in the apartment so they hid all of the heating units. Now they make noise and keep him awake. He said the contractor told him that he wanted it that way.
Howard said he was on fire last night because things haven't been going well with his cartoon ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' but last night he woke up at 3 in the morning and had some great ideas for the show. He said he was writing and doing scripts for the movie. He said he tried to go back to sleep but kept waking up and writing more and more stuff. He said he had to get it down on paper before it was gone from his head. He said that the cartoon is so intense for him.
Howard had a caller on the line who wanted to talk about how great the show was yesterday. That led to Howard talking about how great it was feeling up Carmen Electra. He and Artie got to feel one breast each for a few seconds. They had to play Gay Anal Ring Toss to get to that point though.
Howard got back to his cartoon discussion and said he was writing all morning and had to get up at 5 in the morning to go to work after being up at 3 in the morning. He mentioned that he can make himself sneeze if he pulls out a nose hair. He tried to demonstrate it for Robin but it wasn't working. He said that Beth was up early as well and she wasn't wearing panties. He said that drove him nuts and said he got a boner because of it. He had her roll over and banged her within a couple of minutes. He was able to complete the task just as his alarm was coming on to get up for work. He said it was 3 minutes. He said that Beth claimed that she'd ''finished'' with him as well. Howard said that he was done with work before he even got to work.
Howard said now he has to type all of the scripts up and get them down on paper. He said he wished that he had his brain hooked up directly to a computer or something like that.
Howard said he was reading reviews of the movie ''Torque'' which stars Jaime Pressly and Monet Mazur. He said that he remembers when Monet was on the show and thinking that she was really hot. He said that the movie looks like a real piece of garbage though. Robin said that they're saying it's like ''The Fast and the Furious'' with motorcycles. Howard said it'll probably do well but it doesn't look good.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to bow to Artie, The Lord of the Anal Rings. Artie said he loves that title. They played the Lord of the Anal Rings theme song they played yesterday a bunch of times. Howard sang along with it and goofed around with that for a minute. Fred kept playing the song and Artie was doing his AC/DC impression going along with it. Fred threw in some AC/DC so Artie could sing along with that as well.
A phone caller asked Howard when the Carmen Electra show would air on E!. Robin Radzinski came in and said that it's going to be a 3 part series and it's starting on Monday. She said the Anal Ring Toss went on and on and on. Artie was doing his ''FIRE'' AC/DC impression so Howard told him that he's got a big party planned and Artie will be able to do that impression at the party. That led to Howard saying that Ronnie is really depressed about the party he had to cancel because Howard refused to go to it. Ronnie came in and said that he knows that Gaffney told him something about that. Howard said he hadn't spoken to that person though and Ronnie was just being paranoid. Howard told him he needs to chill out with that stuff. Ronnie said he's no upset about it and he knows that Howard hates him and his old friends. Howard said he knows that if he goes out tomorrow night he'll hear about it from Ronnie. Robin said he's like an old girlfriend or something.
Howard said that he doesn't like the design of the new World Trade Center. He said he doesn't like it and thinks they should just make it like the old one. He said they're not even going to make it the world's tallest building anymore. They've scaled it back a bit.
Howard said that he's been putting together this big party for all of his friends but he's got about 250 people on the guest list. Howard said he got the same party planner that Robin used for her party and she's making it bigger than he wanted. He was just getting into that stuff when he said he had to take a break. He mentioned that he came in this morning and there was some guy who was claiming to be his cousin waiting outside. He said the guy wanted a couple of minutes alone with him but Howard said he didn't know him so he had to say no to him. He said he called his mother about it and he may be related. He said his mother told him he should treat him like family but Howard said he doesn't want to. He said they will meet him later in the show though. He took a break shortly after that.
Gary came in and said that the guy has called a bunch of times in the past. Everett said that no one would call him back so he had to keep coming down to try and meet Howard. Howard wondered why he wanted to meet him so bad. The guy told him that he has to go back to school and he wanted to meet him before that happened. The guy said that he was the youngest person on the NY Stock Exchange and some other stuff like that. He said he'd like to get a job as an intern on the show.
Fred said the guy was waiting outside the station this morning and caught him and started in on his story with him. He said he went on with his rap the whole time he was walking in. He was very talkative so Howard asked him if he's on speed or something. He claims that he wasn't on anything.
Howard said none of this stuff means anything to him and the only reason he's interested in meeting him is because he's Howard Stern. Howard said the guy isn't trying to meet his aunt Sally or someone like that. Everett said that he was being honest and did want to meet Howard because he is Howard Stern. Everett said that his co-workers told him that he should go meet Howard and it might help him get laid.
Gary told Howard that the guy is a virgin. That was one of the things he found out when he was cornered in the lobby the other day. Gary said he might have better luck if he just stopped talking and stood in a corner. Howard told him he talks too much and too fast. Everett said people tell him that he is pretty intense and maybe the most intense person they know.
Howard said that he doesn't know the guy from a hole in the wall and it doesn't mean anything to him that he's related. He said his sister doesn't even mean that much to him and she's a sister. Howard said his sister might actually be interested in meeting this guy. He said his mother might be interested as well. Howard wondered what this whole thing meant to the guy. Everett said he just wanted to get a picture with Howard, he didn't even think he'd get on the air. Howard wondered if Ashton Kutcher sent him there and maybe he was being ''Punk'd.'' Everett said that wasn't the case.
Everett said he wanted to be an intern on the show but Howard said that's not going to happen. Then he said that he'd like some help getting laid but Howard said he couldn't help him out there either. Howard told him that he's been trying to avoid him for a week now. He doesn't know what to do with him.
Howard took a few phone calls and let some people tell the guy how nutty he sounds. Some people told him that getting into the studio should have been enough for him. Other people said that he sounded too high strung. One guy said that Howard should have a button installed in the studio that alerts security to get guys like this out of there. Another guy told Howard that he should take in anyone like that because Italian families take in anyone who's related. There was a guy who called in and said that he would go out with Everett. Howard said that he was helping to get Everett laid.
Howard asked Everett how far he's actually gotten with a woman. The guy said he got to third base in high school and that was the last chick he had. He's now a sophomore in college. Howard told him that he might have to bang some ugly chicks in college. Howard sid he banged a lot of fat chicks in college and that's what he might have to do. He said when he starts making some money, he'll move up a notch. He gave Everett some advice about using drugs but no really use the drugs. He said you just have to come across as being cool and he'll be able to get some chicks.
Everett said he treats women well but he gets treated like crap. He wasn't able to make anything happen while he was living in New York City. He said he was working like crazy but was going out to bars and stuff. Howard told him to just find a chick who's 15 to 20 pounds overweight and bang their ass. Everett wondered how you kiss a girl like that. Howard said he should worry about kissing and should just bang her. Howard pointed out that Benjy can even get laid so he shouldn't have a problem. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that. He said that Everett seems like a nice kid, he's just a little misguided. He took a break shortly after that.
Howard read a story about rapper Mystikal who just got sentenced to 6 years in prison for sexual battery. Howard was talking about how great some of his songs were (Tarantula). He said this will probably mean the end of his career. Howard said we won't be hearing any new songs for about 6 years. Howard read the story about what the charges were and how he and some of his buddies forced a woman to give them oral after she had written a bad check on Mystikal's account or something like that. Howard said he really blew it with this whole thing. Artie said the guy will probably be out of prison in 2 years if he behaves himself.
Howard read that Billy Joel just got engaged to his girlfriend. Howard said he's gone out to eat with Billy and that woman. He said he thinks that Billy should wait a couple of years before getting engaged. Howard said the woman is a very sweet person and good looking as well. He and the guys spent a minute on that before moving on to other stuff.
Howard said that record companies aren't spending money these days to advertise bands since everyone is downloading songs. He said that a record company contacted them and offered to fly Howard and Gary down to South Beach to see this hot 16 year old perform. Howard said you don't see that happening much these days. Gary came in and said that it was a lot of other radio guys as well. Howard didn't seem to like that idea though.
Gary said that the 16 year old is a rocker, not a pop star. She's apparently been through a lot and has written about her life experiences. Gary said that it's the record company V2 that's setting this up. Howard said he would go if he had a private jet. Artie said he'd go but he has a gig on Saturday night in New Jersey. Howard said he'd like to go down on Saturday morning and stay down there all weekend and see the show on Sunday night.
Howard doesn't get why Artie is working so much on the weekends. Robin wondered why they waited so long to say something about this. Howard said he just found out about it himself. Robin has plans with her family this weekend so she won't be able to go.
Howard said that the weather was supposed to be in the 60s and 70s down in South Beach on Saturday. Howard had some Mystikal music playing as he was making his plans for going to South Beach.
Howard was talking about some of the other lame DJs in the city and how they'd probably be stuck flying down with them to South Beach. Howard brought up Rocky Allen and how he was a big fat guy. There were some others that they quickly mentioned.
A listener told Howard that the name of the artist they were going to see is Katie Rose. He told Howard about the chick but Howard didn't seem to care. He seemed more interested in going down to some warm weather for a couple of days.
Howard said they have a guy coming in later in the morning who has a cleft pallet. He's going to try and win a date with a porn star and he has to call a deli and place an order. If the deli understands him and gets it right, he wins the date.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that he's free this weekend. He said his heat isn't working in his apartment so it's a perfect time to leave. Howard said Ralph has a nightmare of an apartment right now. He said that his heat doesn't work, he can hear people walking in the apartment above him and had water leaking in his apartment.
Howard said that Artie got upset that Ralph was grinding his girlfriend at the party they were at the other night. He said that Artie doesn't dance but his girlfriend Dana does. Artie said that he was grinding his Jack and water while Ralph was grinding his girlfriend.
Howard said he has a bet with Ralph on the football game over the weekend between Philly and the Carolina Panthers. He said that Ralph hates Philly for some reason. Ralph said he hates the city but Howard said he's never even spent any time there.
Ralph talked about the problems he has in the apartment. He said that he doesn't know what to do so Howard suggested that he not pay his rent. Ralph is afraid that they're going to raise his rent if he starts complaining about stuff like that. Ralph said the guy upstairs weighs like 300 pounds and makes all kinds of noise walking around up there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ralph is a fag and needs to get a life. The caller said that Philly is going to win their game this weekend and he doesn't know what he's talking about. The guy and Ralph argued with each other about the team for a short time. Ralph ended up pushing buttons on his phone so he didn't have to talk to the guy. Another caller was telling Ralph that he really doesn't know anything about football. The sales manager from WYSP in Philly called and said that he had suite tickets for the game but wasn't going to give them to Ralph. Ralph said he wouldn't go if someone paid him to go. The guy said that Howard and anyone else could take the tickets if they wanted them. No one took him up on his offer though. Howard took a break right after that.
Howard played some ''Hot for Teacher'' song and about how great the band was. He talked about the old days working at other radio stations around the time that Van Halen was getting big. Howard threw in some ''Runnin With The Devil'' and said that those guys used to get a ton of chicks. He said they were so good that they deserved it.
Lynn said that he just lost his job a couple of weeks ago. He was making teeth at this lab. Howard thought that was kind of interesting. Howard moved on to talk to 22 year old Ashley Blue. She said she's been in the business for about 2 years now and has probably done about 150 movies. Howard asked Lynn about the chicks he's able to get. He said they're pretty skanky hos since he has to pay for it.
Ashley told Lynn what he could win today. She said he gets the chance to fly out and watch 4 days of porn shoots. He'll also get to hang out with them. Ashley let Lynn squeeze her breasts while she was talking about all of that stuff. Howard said you can go on this trip yourself if you want. Just check out SMSpromotions.com for more details.
Howard told Lynn that he was going to have to call a deli and place an order they give him. If the deli gets the order correct when they deliver it, he'll win the trip. Gary came in and gave Howard the list of stuff they needed ordered. Howard read it and it had the following on it: ''Bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich on lightly toasted pumpernickel with mayonnaise on the side, pickle, a diet Sunkist soda and a bag of barbecue potato chips and a chocolate chip cookie.''
Howard had Lynn practice on him as he pretended to be an Indian guy. Howard gave him a hard time and said he was going to have it rough trying to give that order. Howard told him he has to get it delivered as well so he has to give the address of 40 West 57th, 14th floor.
Howard asked Lynn what kind of name that was, it's a girl's name. Lynn said that's just what his parents named him. Robin asked him why they never gave him an operation to fix his problem. He said he didn't know.
Howard called the deli and let Lynn place his order. The woman who answered the phone was very good at understanding what he was saying. She had to ask a few questions but she understood the whole order. They had to change the Sunkist to a Slice soda. Everyone was impressed with Lynn's performance. He was able to get the whole order in within a couple of minutes. He came in 1 second under the 3 minute limit that they placed on him.
Howard gave Ashley a plug for the SMSpromotions.com web site and for her own site AshleyBlue.net. She talked a little bit about the trip and what the guys get to do when they sign up for the trip. Howard also asked her about what she likes to do. She said she likes anal and loves to give guys oral. She also claims that she can put her whole hand in her mouth and not throw up. She demonstrated that and Howard said she must be good at oral but she wouldn't need that for his small size.
A listener called in and asked if they were going to check the order first before awarding this guy the trip. Howard said they would but the guy will probably win the trip no matter what. He deserves it. Howard later found out that Lynn is 51 years old. Robin asked him if he'd think about getting an operation now. He said he's never looked into it. Howard said they should find out if there's a doctor who would be willing to fix him up.
Howard asked him what foods he can't eat. He said he can't eat peanut butter but he likes hamburgers. Howard told him he's going to do what he can to find someone to help him out. He went to break after that.
Howard said that there's a woman in Russia who claims she can see through things. Howard said it's not a B.S. Story either. He said that it's real and doctors can't disprove her claims. Howard said this is like X-Men and the human race may have super-human powers some day. He said she's just the first. Howard said he'd love to get this girl on the air. Howard said she should work at the airport. Howard also said that maybe there's really a Superman and he banged her mother. Robin said this can't be a real story, it's in Russia. Howard said that when doctors from Russia come over here they end up as factory workers. Howard said it's also coming from a country that can't invent toilet paper.
Howard talked about Michael Jackson's upcoming case and how his lawyers are actually saying they want cameras in the courtroom. He and the guys talked about that for a short time.
Howard brought up a few other news stories that interested him. He talked about Britney Spears and how she's trying to do damage control about this wedding and annulment of hers.
Howard said there were about 10 hot chicks in the lobby who want to get on and promote something. He said he's not going to let them promote anything without having them do something for them. They all came in talking and annoying Howard. Howard talked to the girls and said that they're not allowed to give plugs for anything. One of the girls said where they were from so Howard hit the delay on her so no one could hear what she said. Howard had her kicked out right after that.
Howard told the girls that he'd boot them out of they said anything about where they're from. One of the girls, Michelle, said she was ready to play a game. She said she's a choreographer and dances in L.A. Howard said she's probably a stripper. She says she's an actress. Some of the other girls were actresses and waitresses. One of them lives at the Playboy mansion.
Howard told the girls that a commercial on the station costs about $10 million. He had Gary tell them what they had to do to get plugs. He told them that the girls had to ask a question and the guy who gets it right gets to pick a girl and gets to grab her ass or her boobs. Howard said if they stump the guys, they get a plug. Howard picked one girl from the middle of the studio and said she had the biggest boobs in the room. She was only 21 years old. Howard asked her if she was ready to play the game. She was ready but Artie told her she had to take the shirt off. Howard said he'd do it with the shirt on though.
Howard had the girl ask them a question. After telling Howard she's 5'5'' tall and weighs 110 pounds, she asked the guys ''What were the years of World War II?'' Artie got it right with 1941 to 1945. He went over and felt up the girl. Artie said he thought they were real after feeling them. Howard asked the girls who wanted to go next.
One of the girls said she had to bow out of this game and left the studio. She was pissed according to Gary. They were down to 8 women after that. They picked a woman but she said she didn't have a question. She couldn't come up with one either. This woman was 23 years old. She asked the guys ''What is the home town of Patsy Kline?'' No one got the answer of Winchester, Virginia so the girls got a plug in. She plugged the web sites LingerieBowl.com and PartyPoker.com
Howard picked another woman who asked the guys ''What is the first and last step of the scientific method?'' No one knew the answer so she won a plug as well. Howard let her plug the web sites for a short time. She plugged the half time lingerie show that's running during the Super Bowl.
Howard had a girl ask a question but it was a question about how to say ''It was a pleasure to meet you'' in German. Gary threw the question out. They told them it was general knowledge. The girl asked what the term ''duke'' means. Benjy said that it means doody and got it right. Benjy went over and got to feel up the girl. KC said Benjy had a really creepy look on his face as he did it.
Howard gave the girls another plug for the Lingerie Bowl and the web sites that they gave out. Howard said he doesn't think guys are going to watch this thing. Gary said something similar was done a few years back and people did watch it. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said Mike was actually peeking in Julia Roberts' window trying to get a story. He also asked Mike what the lowest thing he's ever done. He didn't have any real stories himself but talked about some other reporters who have ended up in bed with some of the people they were reporting on. He explained how this one woman got an interview with a guy who got an interview with a guy while they were in bed.
Howard said that Mike has his own show coming up on KLSX in Los Angeles. They quickly went over that and got to the game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
During the news Howard reminded everyone that they have this contest going on where someone can win $10,000 if they get one of the following celebrities to call in to do a short interview with them. The last time they did this Ben Affleck called in and did a phone interview. He donated his $10,000 to a charity. Here are the celebrities that are eligible for the latest contest: