Howard's morning wasn't going so well either. The studio was getting hotter by the minute. Gary brought in a thermometer to see just how hot it was. At one point Howard said it was 94 degrees. Later in the show he said it was up to 100! He complained about it and said that he may have to walk out on the show.
Howard spent some time talking about some other various things before Tim Stack came in. He said he finally saw ''Man on the Moon'' the last Jim Carrey movie. He said it was awful. Gary came in and agreed that it really sucked. Howard said Jim is a funny guy but he can't act.
Howard also told Robin about his night out with Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora over the weekend. He hung out with both of them at a restaurant on Saturday night and had a great time.
Howard eventually got back to ''Son of the Beach'' and Tim explained how that all came about. He and a couple of his buddies came up with the idea after watching some old episodes of ''Police Squad''. Howard eventually became involved with the project after his agent Don Buchwald introduced the two of them. The show is already getting rave reviews from the press who have seen the first episode. Howard said they get even better after the first week.
Howard immediately asked 25 year old Brande if her breasts were implants. Of course they are. She appears in the latest issue of Playboy and is also one of Hugh Heffner's 3 girlfriends. She claims that she sleeps with Heffner every night but when Howard asked her about some of the details she didn't have many answers. She told Howard how the two of them met at a club out in California and eventually started dating. Heffner then added two more girls to his girlfriend list so he's got at least 3. There's Sandy, Mandy and Brande and possibly a Jessica. Brande said they all hang out and watch movies in bed with Heffner. She said that she's never seen the other girls having sex with Heff but thinks that they do. She also claims that she sleeps in his bed every night while the other girls have their own room at the Playboy mansion. Howard trying to get details out of Brande was like pulling teeth. Brande kept saying ''I don't know'' to many of his questions about living with Heffner. Brande's mother was also there at the studio so Howard brought her in. Apparently the two of them were dressed alike. She didn't have much to say either.
Howard finally asked Brande whether Heffner's pubic hair was gray or not. Once again Brande said ''I don't know.'' She claims that it's always dark in the bedroom when she has sex so she doesn't see his hair. Most of the guys on the show weren't believing that she actually does sleep with Heff. Howard believed her but asked her to swear that she does. She ended up saying ''I swear on the lord Jesus Christ that I sleep in Hugh Heffner's bed..'' and then added that she has sex with him. KC and Gary still weren't believing her. Even Robin found it hard to believe what she was saying. After Brande swore to it Robin said she wanted to get out of the studio before the lightning struck. KC told Howard ''If she's sleeping with Heff then I'm Jesus.'' If you want to catch a glimpse of Brande, just head to Playboy.com
Howard discussed his psychiatric session from yesterday for a minute also. He said he's learned that he is a very disturbed man. He likes to know this because it's helped him in his social life. Now he knows how disturbed he is so he can deal with it better.
Howard also read a review of his new TV show ''Son of the Beach'' which was kind of strange. The reviewer only gave the show 2 and a half stars but the write up was glowing. The guy liked the first show he saw but says that he doesn't think that they'll be able to keep up the funny stuff for more than a couple of episodes. Therefore, 2.5 stars. Howard said that the shows just get funnier as they go along and that the next show is better than the last. The show premieres tonight on the FX cable network.
Howard gave us an update on Doug's painted french fries. The other day Doug from E! described how he had gone to a restaurant and eaten some french fries. When he got down below the barbecue sauce that was covering most of them he saw what looked like silver paint on them. He then puked them up in the bathroom and told the manager about them. The guy offered him more fries and invited Doug to sue him. A scientist fan was listening that day and offered to test the fries. Howard said that the guy's results came back and he says it was definitely paint on the fries. Doug called in but all he had to say was ''Yuch..'' and he moaned a little bit like he was about to puke again. Doug didn't say what he might do now that he knows it was paint.
The subject of High Pitch Erik came up this morning also. Erik has been hanging around the radio station quite a bit lately and he leaves a bunch of voice mails for Gary. Howard played Erik being Happy and Sad on the voice mail and said it happened within a matter of hours. At one point he's the Mickey Mouse happy sounding Erik and the next thing you know he's sad and begging for $1000. He doesn't have a job and now he wants a hand out from the show. Howard suggests that Erik just get a job. He lost his last one after his employer told him not to go on Howard's show and he disobeyed them. No money for Erik.
Howard also spent a while on various Kathie Lee tapes. Big Black called in to play some stuff he had on her also. Big Black also had tape of the Tonight Show from last night when some actress was proposed to on the show. The Kathie Lee tapes included her refusing to comment on Howard and her commenting about her husband on some show.
Howard brought up Joan's thin figure and that led to them discussing how she stays so thin. She doesn't eat much and she says that when she was in her late 40's, early 50's she would puke up her meals to stay thin. She says she stopped doing that when the acids from her stomach started damaging her teeth.
Joan plugged her new line of skin care products ''Results'' which she features on QVC. You can also find out more on her new web site JoanRivers.com. Howard said her face did look ''refreshed'' this morning but he was thinking that it was more plastic surgery. She says it's the new skin care stuff that makes her look that way.
Howard took a few phone calls and spoke to Joan about a couple of things before ending the segment. He plugged her pre-Oscar show which airs March 26 on E!.
Howard asked Rachel if she'll ever go back to ''Rod's rod''. Rachel doesn't think she will. They still get along and they have kids together but the marriage is over. She was married for 9 years and now she says she wants to have some fun now.
Rachel filled Howard in on how she was discovered. At 11 her mother had nude photos taken of her and they won some art show. That was her first break but then at 15 she was discovered on a beach by some guy and that's when her career really started to snowball. She said she moved out of her house at 16 to live with a 23 year old guy. She also told Howard she lost her virginity at 15 and a half.
Howard hit on Rachel during the interview a little bit. He heard that Rod was able to pick her up by insulting her so he took that and said ''You're Stupid! You're ugly!.. Let's go out.'' It didn't work. Rachel says it was actually Rod's sense of humor that got her. It wasn't his money or his insults.
Some of the info Howard had about Rachel was actually linked to her sister Jackie. Howard heard that rachel had made out with some reporter but Rachel said that was actually Jackie and that happens because they look somewhat alike.
Before Rachel left Howard got some info about Rod that he wanted to point out. He said that Rod has dated a bunch of women since the break up and he even brought his current 28 year old girlfriend to his brother's 70th birthday party. Howard thinks that's moving a little fast for Rod... and the guy is an old geezer. Rachel says she has nothing but good words to say about Rod. Howard also asked her about drug use before the end of the interview. She says she doesn't like drugs, she's a tequila drinker. About a minute later Stuttering John came in with a bottle of tequila but she didn't want to drink this early in the morning. Rachel says that she's got some more acting jobs coming up in the near future so we'll be seeing more of her.
After the call a couple of listeners called in and said that was the worst Pope impersonation they've ever heard. One guy said it sounded like Gilbert Gottfried doing his vampire impression.. duh! Howard then plugged a couple of Gilbert's upcoming comedy club appearances. He'll be at Rascals by the shore on April 12. He'll also be on Hollywood Squares in the near future.
After the phone call with Tim Howard and the gang spent some more time talking about last night's party. Someone said that Fred's wife was sitting on his lap at the party so they guess that their marriage therapy worked. Stuttering John's behavior was also a topic of discussion. Robin was impressed with the way he was acting last night. He was on his best behavior and didn't do anything stupid. She actually called him ''charming''. Robin's boyfriend, Mr. X, was also discussed. They say that Robin and Mr. X are really in love and it shows. Robin is very happy now and they're getting along great. Gary said that Robin is actually ''normal'' now because she doesn't blow up at people like she used to. Robin said Mr. X was ready to hate the show but he was surprised when he saw it and liked it.
Houston is going to have her labia operated on live on the web so that was a subject for discussion for a while. Houston actually went over and showed Howard what they look like. He wanted to know how bad they were and why she was having them operated on. Houston said that they hang so low that they come out of her bikini bottoms when she's dancing sometimes. That can be a problem because they're not supposed to be naked when dancing. Howard checked them out and said they're not that bad. He told her she shouldn't do the operation even if she's getting paid the million dollars that he heard she's making. That labia surgery can be seen at KarasXXX.com. Before getting to the lesbian rub down Houston got in plugs for her many web sites including:SlapOnArt.com, HoustonChannel.com, HerbalHouston.com and AmazingSex.com.
Howard eventually brought in Kristin, the woman who wanted the lesbian rub down. Kristin, a married 24 year old mother of 2, has fantasized about having a lesbian experience since she was a young woman. She contacted the show and they invited her down to make her dream come true. Howard said Kristin wasn't half bad. Her hair was too short according to him. She got down to a thong bikini bottom and Howard said she looked pretty good in that. Houston needed to change into her bikini but wouldn't do it in the studio so he had to take a break. Howard actually went in the bathroom to help her change. After the break they came back and got to it.
Kristin got on the floor and laid down on her stomach. Houston, now in a small pink bikini, took some massage lotion and squirted it on Kristin's ass and legs. She then rubbed the lotion in with her breasts and ass. After a minute or so Howard had Kristin roll over on her back. Houston said that she wanted to take Kristin's top off. Kristin didn't have a problem with that so she went right ahead and did it. Kristin's breasts were tiny according to Howard. He said that any woman's breasts would look small next to Houston's though. Houston then proceed to rub more lotion on Kristin's front, this time with her hands. Kristin said that she was getting turned on. Howard told Houston that she could ''explore'' as much as she wanted to. Shortly after that he said he wasn't sure how far he could let this go. After the rub down Howard asked Kristin if she thinks that lesbianism is for her. She said it might just be. The two of them kissed goodbye after they were all done.
Howard spent a couple more minutes with the ladies and took some phone calls. Prom-date-Brad was one of the callers. Howard spoke to him a little bit about his relationship with Houston. Brad told Howard that he thinks that Houston is making a mistake with that labia surgery but no one can change her mind. Brad said that he's really committed to Houston in his mind but she doesn't feel the same way about him. She's just out having fun with Brad and the director dude. Howard asked him if he's jealous of the director and Brad said that he didn't want to go there.
Earlier in the show a listener called in and asked Howard if he could play a ''Butt Billionaire'' game with Houston. Howard wasn't sure if she would want to do that so he asked her before the end of the segment. Houston said she'd do it with a guy she likes but not in a ''Who Wants to be a Butt Billionaire'' game.
Kotex later called in and was exposed by another listener for not being from Haiti. It turns out that Kotex is actually from Jamaica. Howard let a bunch of angry fans yell at Kotex before hanging up on her once again.
After taking a break and doing a few other things Howard brought in a few more women. This time he spoke to all of them before painting. First up was Shannon Lee, a 27 year old who does live sex shows on the web. 32 year old Tabitha was next up and her lesbian lover Lana was right there next to her. The final woman was Heather, a 27 year old construction worker/caterer. Howard went over to each woman and painted bunny ears on one, a shamrock on another and vertical stripes on Lana's tiny breasts. Heather ended up getting some ''swipes'' across her breasts. Jackie said that was the worst design Howard has ever done.
After the arguing Howard brought in this British TV show host who wanted to interview Hank. The host of the show ''Freak Out'', Matt, came in with his crew to interview Hank. Matt has flipper hands so Howard spoke to him about that for a couple of minutes then turned over the show to him. The interview Matt did was really lame and it wasn't going anywhere so Howard gave up on it.
This guy Mike had come down to try and win breast implants for his wife. He had agreed to suck Hank's toes to win the implants. Hank didn't want any part of it unless he was going to get paid. Gary told him they'd give him $800 courtesy of iWon.com for his trouble. He was also afraid that the guy was gay but Mike says he's not. Gary took off Hank's one shoe and everyone was disgusted by his uncut toe nails. Hank says he never cuts them. Some people were even saying that they were green from fungus or something. Howard told the guy that he had to suck and kiss all of his toes and put all 5 in his mouth to win the implants. Mike didn't seem to hesitate much. He went right to it and sucked those green toes. He won the implants which will be put in by Dr. Sal Calabro.
Howard eventually got to the game and said that the first thing to come off would be shoes and socks followed by shirt then by pants. The first question was ''What football player rushed for 2003 yards in 1973?'' Heather didn't know the answer. Gary said it was OJ Simpson. Heather's shoes came off. Next question ''What does TKO stand for?'' Gary got it with technical knock out. Next question ''Where is Mile High Stadium?'' Heather didn't know but answered ''Canada''. Off came her shirt. Gary gave the correct answer of Denver. She was wearing a bikini top but it didn't show off much of her nice breasts. Everyone liked them though. Next question was ''What is the height of a basketball hoop?'' Gary gave the wrong answer of 12 feet. Heather got it right with 10 feet. Next question ''What yard line does an NFL football team kick off from?'' Heather said 10 and got it wrong. Gary knew it was the 35. Off came Heather's pants. She said that she wouldn't take off any more clothes but they talked her into getting into a sexier bathing suit if they continued to play. Howard asked her a question about the coach of the 1969 New York Jets and she had no clue. Gary changed it to the current coach of the Jets and she still didn't know. She then got into a sexier bathing suit. Finally they asked her to get into a thong if she got the final question wrong. She agreed and was asked ''What basketball player averaged a triple-double for the whole season?'' She didn't know what a triple-double was so she didn't get it right. She went and changed into a thong. Gary wasn't sure of the correct answer either. Howard told him it was Oscar Robinson. Heather came out showing off her nice ass to everyone so Howard let her plug SportsPage.com a little more. He kept her around to play the Gossip Game.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
Last but not least High Pitch Erik dropped by to be painted green. Howard wasn't sure if he wanted to do it or not though. KC talked him into it. KC started to do the painting himself but Howard told him he didn't know what he was doing so he took over. Instead of using his hand he pulled out a paint roller and painted Erik all over. KC suggested that they write ''I like Irish penis'' on his forehead. Howard went over to Erik and said that he was going to write on his face but not what KC suggested. He told Erik he was writing ''I like Howard'' and spelled it out as he was doing it. Of course he was lying and actually wrote ''I like penis'' on there. They didn't tell Erik that though. They sent him out in the hallways of K-Rock to show off his green paint job. Howard said he looked like a big green potato.