Howard started off the show saying that George Takei was in for two days this week. George has to go back to Los Angeles for a bank board meeting after that. Howard said it sounds impressive to be on the board of a bank. George said that there are a lot of Asian immigrants who come over to the United States and save up every penny they can to open their own business and they do what they can to help those people out with loans. Howard said that's some racket to be in because the banks can make so much money with those loans.
Howard and Robin said that they should open up a bank of their own. Howard told George that's very impressive to him. George said the bank has been very successful and they're celebrating their 25th year in business.
Howard asked George about the latest 'Survivor' and if he's been watching it and rooting for the Asian team. They spent a short time talking about that and how on last week's show the Hispanic team threw their game so they could throw one of their team mates out. Howard filled everyone in on the show since it seems that he's the only one watching.
Howard said George walked in this morning and the two of them seem to have a special relationship. They saw each other at the William Shatner roast a few weeks ago. George said he has a beef with Artie because he came on the show and talked about him reading the teleprompter at the Shatner roast and that's what he was told to do.
Howard said that George is part of the 'My Bitter Half' show that Sam Simon is producing for them. He said he can't wait to play it on the air but Sam wants to be there when they do it and they want to make a big deal out of it.
Howard gave George some advice about the sweater that he's got wrapped around his shoulders. He told him that it looks kind of gay and he may want to change that look. George asked if he should tie it around his waist or something. Howard said it seems like such a big deal when guys do stuff like that and have to match it up to the shirt they're wearing. Artie said he's never really even thought about doing something like that. George claims that he just threw it on there without even thinking about it that much.
Howard said that George came in this morning and said to Artie that he's been hearing things about him. Howard said he got chills when he heard that because he wasn't sure what he was referring to. George was referring to Artie's addictions and how he would like him to go out and experience other things so he can appreciate life without using drugs.
Howard asked George if he's ever tried drugs. George said he may have tried weed when he was a teenager. Then he said that he did try poppers, Amil Nitrate, when he was younger. He said he did like them as well. Howard asked him where he tried them. It was another time in his life though. He said he used them when he'd go to 'the baths' that he used to visit.
Howard said that it's amazing that George went through all of that and didn't get sick. George said that life is strange sometimes. Howard talked about how the poppers was very dangerous because it would help get the AIDS virus into a person when they'd have anal tearing.
George told the guys about how things worked and couldn't believe he was talking about this on the air. He said he was feeling like he was on poppers right then. He described the feelings he'd get while taking them and Robin said he wasn't exactly making it sound like people shouldn't take it.
Howard congratulated George on his confession and asked him how many years sober he's been. George was just laughing through the whole conversation. George said he's been off the poppers for at least 20 years now. Ever since he started going out with his boyfriend Brad. Artie said he met Brad out at the Shatner roast and he looks like a banker himself.
Howard had George do an announcement for the show since that's why he was there. George read from his script and talked about sitting next to his cuddly muffin Artie Lange. He also talked about what has gone on with the show since his last visit back in June. Howard told him it's a pleasure to have him back on the show even if it's just for 2 days.
George said he's back in New York doing another Star Trek show. He was up in Port Henry, New York for that. He said that there were some scripts written back in the 70's after the show was canceled. The scripts were written for a second phase of the show but that project never took off, they went with movies instead. George said the shows are going to be webcast next year. He said Walter Koenig did one show and he's doing one himself. He said they built an amazing Star Trek set up in Port Henry and they don't have much of a budget but they are going through with it to do the web casts. He said they want to get Artie to play a Klingon in one episode. Artie said he heard about that but he didn't know what a Klingon looked like. George said they look like him.
Howard said he called Artie this weekend and told him that he was watching The Biggest Loser. He had called him to see how he was doing after what went on last week. Howard said he loves to see people lose weight the way they do on that show. He said one person lost 23 pounds in a week. There was a woman on the show who weighed 265 pounds and there are dudes who weigh that much.
Howard said they pick women for that show who will look good when they lose all of that weight. He loves watching those chicks transform into hot chicks even if it takes 17 weeks to get there. Artie said he and Frank Sebastiano talked about having a side script in Beer League where they could do something like that just so Howard would like the movie.
Howard said it's a real drag when women lose all of that weight and still look horrible though. He asked George about the William Shatner roast. He thought it was very nice for him to go to the roast because so many of the other cast members didn't show up. George said he was hoping that William would learn something by him showing up because he's never really invited any of the cast to his events over the years. He said that Shatner did thank him for coming that night. He hopes that he learned something because he and Nichele Nichols were the only two who actually showed up to the event. Even Leonard Nimoy didn't show up although he did submit a tape.
Howard and George talked about Shatner's toupee's and how he's been wearing them as long as George has known him. He said that they have actually been very impressive over the years because they looked so good. Howard asked George if he's ever seen Shatner without a toupee on. He said he did see him one time when he showed up early in the morning to work and caught glimpse of him in his dressing room. That didn't last long as the door closed a short time later.
Howard said that George is a really fun guy and he's glad that he's there this week. He said they usually wouldn't be talking about poppers. Even Artie hasn't tried that stuff with all of the drugs he's tried. Howard said that he's surprised that George hasn't adopted a child because he seems like he'd make a great mother. George said he loves kids but he and Brad spent so much time talking about adopting that they kind of ran out of time and figured it was far too much work to do it at this time.
Howard said the picture that Mainelli was painting with the article was very negative and his own news department did some digging and found that he was running that consulting firm. He said that Steve Langford was the one doing the digging and he really had no idea that his news team was going to do that. Langford asked John if he might have a conflict of interest there and that pissed John off. Then the calls went to the NY Post and that led to them having a problem with John. They told him he could either do the consulting or be a reporter... So Mainelli left the paper.
Howard said that Mainelli is no longer writing the column for the paper and now Mainelli has gone off on him basically saying that he got him fired. Howard said he did nothing, all he did was ask a question on the air about the conflict of interest. Now Mainelli is basically going around claiming that he got him fired. Mainelli also claims that he was a fan of Howard's but Howard isn't so sure about that either because of all of the negative articles he's written about him over the years.
Howard put the word out to John and told him that it's his problem. He never called the post himself, he doesn't have a problem with him working at the post and he seems to be a bit misguided when it comes to venting his anger. Howard said that the Post has their own rules and if they had a problem with him doing the consulting, that's up to them.
Howard said that the Post was his employer and they're the ones who had the problem with him. He said he wishes him luck and doesn't wish him ill. He said that this rumor that was put out there about him going back to terrestrial radio is a real conflict of interest. He said that the original article that came out from Inside Radio, is causing some issues with the SIRIUS stock. He said that Inside Radio is owned by Clear Channel which is a terrestrial radio company. It would appear that they might have a conflict of interest there as well. That's where the original story started and he's wondering if the SEC would look into that because there could be some kind of agenda there.
Howard said that he will ask about an article like that if someone prints it so these people should expect to be questioned about stuff they print about him. He said he would never demand that someone like John be fired over an article. He said he will question them if it appears they have a conflict of interest though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard should take some responsibility for getting Mainelli fired. Howard said that may be the case because he is going to question someone when they print false stories about him in the news. Robin pointed out that this one reporter, Kay Gardela, once reviewed a tape that Howard put out without ever watching it. Howard confronted her on that as well.
Howard said he doesn't have the power to get someone fired. That's up to the employer to do something like that. All he does is point out something that might be a conflict of interest. Robin said that Howard has a lot of run-ins with other reporters and they haven't been fired. Mainelli and the NY Post had some kind of conflict and now John no longer works there. That's it as far as Howard is concerned. Artie said that you have to be careful who you fuck with when you write a column because some people are going to fight back.
Howard said he doesn't wish anyone getting fired. He said the article that he wrote was false and he just pointed out the flaws in it. He said that was his explanation and he's said many times that he's not going back to terrestrial radio. He's said it until he's blue in the face but these people insist on printing stories about him going back.
Howard said that he's enjoying his time on satellite radio and they never would have been able to talk to George about taking poppers and having anal sex if they were still on terrestrial radio.
Howard said that Big Foot also won this weekend so he's at 2-0-1. Elegant Elliot Offen lost so he's 1-2 and Artie also lost so he's at 1-2 as well. Artie said he didn't do any gambling on this weekend's games so he didn't lose any money this time. Howard likes how Alice knows nothing about football but she's winning the pool.
Robin said she's wondering what Wheels is doing since Artie is playing this pool for him. Wheels was on the phone so Howard let him get in a few words about the pool. Wheels told Artie to bet on the Philadelphia Eagles this weekend but Artie can't bring himself to do that.
Howard said it seems like Mainelli has a personal vendetta with him and he's not even aware of why he would. He said he just goes home and essentially does nothing. He watches TV, goes to dinner with his girlfriend, spends time with his family... That's it. He doesn't care about what's going on in the radio business.
Someone else pointed out that Mainelli wasn't even fired from the Post, he was given a choice to give up on the consulting firm or give up the reporting. He chose to give up the reporting job himself.
Howard said that he wouldn't even know how to get someone fired. Robin said that Mainelli and others have been reporting that Howard has lost his clout so he shouldn't have even had the power to get someone fired.
Howard said he watched the Jimmy Kimmel special that aired recently and thought it was very good. Robin thinks that Jimmy has gotten to be a very good interviewer and he's right up there with Letterman and Leno as far as she's concerned.
Howard read that the new Jackass movie made $28 million at the box office this weekend. He said he predicted like $30 million and knew they were going to have a big opening. Howard said that Steve-O peed on the red carpet when he was on his way to the premiere of the movie last week. He showed the guys a picture of him peeing and read a quick article about that. Howard wondered if there's a law about not doing something like that. Artie said he once got a $110 ticket for doing that.
Howard took a call from Jeff Jarvis who said that Mainelli went in on his blog post at BuzzMachine.com this weekend and went berserk about something he had written about Langford's great reporting. He read some of Mainelli's comments where he basically said that there was no falsehood in the reporting and said that it's still possible that he will show up on terrestrial radio.
Howard said that he's the one guy who knows if he's talking to terrestrial radio or not, and he knows it's not going to happen... So Mainelli is wrong, it's not going to ever happen. He said he can't imagine any reason he would go back to terrestrial radio for any reason.
Jeff said that Mainelli said that everyone knew he was doing the consulting thing back in 2004 so there was nothing hidden from his employers. Jarvis said that Mainelli wrote that Howard is irrelevant in the industry now and he's just upset that he revealed the truth last week. Howard still insists that it was not the truth and none of the stuff he was reporting was true.
Howard said there was another report in the paper a few weeks ago where they said that he didn't go to Gary's father's funeral and that Gary was upset with him. There were circumstances that stopped him from going and Gary wasn't upset with him so their stories were all wrong. Then they say that he should have called them back and let them know the details. Howard said it's not his job to call reporters back and give them details of his life. It's a reporter's job to find out the facts instead of just printing what they think is going on.
Howard let Jeff go after he got in a plug for his web site BuzzMachine.com.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that he has to talk about this stuff because people believed that he was going back to terrestrial radio. She said that she and High Pitch Eric were going to protest the paper if Mainelli hadn't been fired. Howard thanked her for that and let her go after that. Then he had George to another announcement and went to commercial break.
Howard said that Steven Tyler was supposed to be on the show last week but he was ill and wasn't able to make it in. He said it would be nice if they could have had an interview were Tyler revealed that stuff to them. George Takei said that he had some revelations for them this morning. Howard thought he was talking about the poppers but George said he was talking about the bank stuff.
Artie talked a little bit about his revelation from last week and how he really didn't plan on revealing that stuff on the air. He said his mother had to go through a lot of phone calls from her friends after the revelation.
Howard read some e-mail about Artie's revelation and some people thought it was great, others thought it was too heavy to have on the air. He read through some of that mail. There were some people who said that Artie really needs to get into therapy to get through all of this stuff.
Howard told George there was a lot of gay stuff going on last week on the show. Artie filled George in about Sal and Richard painting each other's genitals to look like faces. Howard said that even if it's two heterosexual guys doing something like that is very gay. The guys from Howard TV showed George some video of the two of them and he got a good laugh out of that.
Howard and Artie also told George about the game that Sal and Richard wanted to play while painted like that. It was all very gay stuff.
Robin asked Annette what she has in common with Artie. Artie added ''...Other than the fat...'' She has a 14 year old son so Howard and the guys suggested that Artie could do coke with her son. Annette said that she had some addictions of her own when she was younger. She's over all of that now though. She lives out in California now so Howard wondered if she would come out to New York. She said she would go on a date with him out there.
Howard told Annette that she didn't win a date with Artie but she might win one with High Pitch Eric. Gary came in and told Howard that she has spent some time in Rikers prison. She said she got busted stealing some stuff to sell for money for drugs. She said she once stole a 4 foot Barney doll and got caught doing that.
Artie said that this guy he knew once stole a canoe from a local store by just walking out with it. He didn't get busted for that, he got busted the next day for stealing some oars. Annette said that she still smokes pot and drinks these days. She said she wouldn't have any problems with anything Artie does because of that.
Annette said that she has dogs too so that could put a kink into things. She wasn't gaining any points when she admitted that she's a loser magnet. She said she's had a lot of problems with past boyfriends. The guys are going to check out her Myspace pictures. Howard showed Artie some of those and there wasn't any positive reactions to her pictures. Artie said she seems like a wonderful person but there's no date in their future. Artie said that when Howard handed her picture to him, he thought he had handed him a mirror.
Artie said that both Sal and Richard want to be stand-up comedians. The only issue he has with them is that they only do about 5 minutes. As soon as the crowd shows any sign of craziness, they bail. Howard had some audio of their acts. He played one clip of Richard doing one of his Baba Booey song parodies. Artie defended Richard and said that the crowd was kind of nuts and they weren't sitting down.
Richard said they don't usually do stuff like that but this crowd just wanted to hear stuff about the show. He said he tried to do some material but the crowd wouldn't let him do anything.
Gary told Howard that he should stick to the clip because Ronnie was wearing this bathrobe on stage and they were trying to raise some money for some cancer kids. Meanwhile he was cursing up a storm while promoting it. Ronnie was trying to get the crowd with him but Howard couldn't take it. Gary told him to stick with it another 30 or 40 seconds because Ronnie starts to go off on the people in the crowd. Ronnie was yelling at one guy who was just trying to enjoy the strippers.
Howard also pointed out that Ronnie left for Scores on Thursday morning and he ended up having problems getting out of the building because Ronnie wasn't there to help him get out the way he usually does. They also talked about Ronnie going out and getting another tattoo of a panther on his arm. Howard wanted to see it so Ronnie pulled up his sleeve and showed it to him. Howard said he wasn't sure what it was because it looked like a salamander or something.
Howard asked Artie what he thought of the tattoo. Artie said you really have to look at it to see the panther in it. Robin asked him if he moved at all while they were putting it on. She saw it and said it does look a little bit like a lizard. George Takei asked Ronnie why he wanted a panther. Ronnie said he just liked the picture. George also said that a lot of people get Japanese characters on them and they have no idea what they mean. He's not sure why people do stuff like that.
Gary said that he heard a story about a guy who got some Japanese characters put on him and when some girls started laughing at him, he found out that the characters actually said 'I love cock.' Ronnie sat back and took it all as they were goofing on him. Howard complained about him not being there to help him get out of the building last Thursday. Ronnie said he thought he left someone in charge who was very capable of doing what he needed to do.
Ronnie said he just took one day off last week and that's it. Howard told him that he can do what he's got to do but he also told him he's kind of like John Mainelli and may have to choose between the job there or a job at Scores. Robin asked Ronnie why he had to take a day off when he could have gotten out there to Vegas at night. Ronnie said he wanted to relax a little bit.
George told Ronnie that Artie worked the night of the Shatner roast and then did the show the next day. Mike Gange came in and said that Artie was actually late that day. He also pointed out that Ronnie was thinking about getting the Road Runner instead of the panther on his arm. Ronnie said that was the first car he had so that's why he was thinking of that. He also told Howard that Brian Phelan got a tattoo of his kid's names on him. Howard said he understands that.
Lisa G got back to her news preview and said that someone on the staff is taking karate lessons. She wanted Howard to guess but he just told her to tell them who it was. It turns out it's Richard Christy. They have that story and many others today on Howard 100 News. Howard had to go to break before bringing in Insane Clown Posse. They played a bunch of George Takei song parodies, bits and prank calls as they were going to break.
The guys told Howard that they did not break up, that was just speculation. Shaggy 2 Dope went out and did his own solo thing for a little while but that was it. Shaggy was also in rehab so Howard asked him about that. Shaggy said it was great going to rehab, the chicks there are very easy to get. He claims he didn't get any though because he's married.
Violent J said that there was a lull in their career where they didn't make any records but they did not break up. The guys said it wasn't true that they weren't talking to each other either. Violent J said they didn't have a problem at all. Shaggy talked about the place he went to for rehab and how nice that was. He said he was drinking really heavy and he had an intervention.
Violent J said that it became a problem when Shaggy was still drunk the next morning from drinking the night before. He said it would be an issue when they'd go into the studio to record new stuff. Shaggy has been sober a year and a half now and he's still with his wife. He said that the key to staying sober is not hanging out with the friends who don't care if you're drunk. That led to the guys talking to Artie about his heroin addiction. Shaggy never got into that stuff and Artie was impressed that he never even tried it.
Artie said he remembers the first time he tried the heroin and how it was a social thing for him. Howard ended up hitting the delay button on the guys as they were talking about Fergie from The Black Eyed Peas who Robin claims had admitted to trying a certain drug. She's no longer using it though but Howard seemed to be trying to avoid talking about it.
Howard asked the guys if they really sent Sharon Osbourne flowers when she was going through her cancer scare. They joked about doing it but they claim they never did send her flowers. They said that they did avoid goofing on her while she was sick but now that she's better, 'fuck her.'' They still want the money that she owes to them from the bet she made with them on Howard's show a few years ago. She was the one who made the challenge and she never paid up. Violet J said that they almost went platinum with their next album that she was claiming that they wouldn't sell more than 50,000 copies of. They want her to pay up and give the money to a charity if she wants to.
Howard asked the guys if they're still battling against Eminem. Violent J said they're done with that and they don't have to war with him because he's not even out on the streets of Detroit anymore. They spent a minute on that subject.
Howard asked Violent J if he's married. J said that he's not married but he does have a little son and a daughter on the way. He said he has no desire to get married because he had four dads as he was growing up. Shaggy interrupted and asked where Sulu was. George was sitting right near him so he told him what a fan of his he was. George said he doesn't know of Insane Clown Posse but they sure knew of him. Shaggy said he likes the old school Star Trek shows but Violent J said he wasn't a huge fan.
Howard took a call from Ozzy Osbourne (Billy Mira) who said he agrees with them that his wife is a cunt. He asked the guys if they wanted to come into bed with them sometime. The guys said that they couldn't understand what he was saying to them. They thought it was really him and thought that he might be out of his mind. Howard told them that it wasn't really Ozzy after hanging up on him.
Violent J got back to the Eminem thing and said that this late rapper Proof extended his friendship to them since they don't get much respect in the rap world. That helped smooth things over with Eminem and other people in the rap world.
Howard asked the guys about the wrestling they're doing these days. Violent J said that they're going down to Florida to do some TNA Wrestling. They'll be in it with the Dudley Boys. Shaggy said he's shattered his neck a few times and they'll have to see how things go.
Howard asked the guys if they'll ever perform without the make-up on. They didn't really answer that and got back to the wrestling thing. Violent J said that they loved wrestling when they were kids and that's why they want to be part of that world. Howard heard that they're against Scientology as well but it turns out that they're not against it at all.
Howard gave the guys a plug for their upcoming tour they're calling the Hallowicked Clown Tour. They're going to be touring with the band Wolfpac and Boondocks. Gary came in and told Howard that Sal and Richard are up to their usual stuff. They wanted to come in and join the band. They said they want to be part of the Juggalos. Then they revealed that they were the Insane Cock Posse and showed them their painted cocks. Violent J said he was thinking of going over there and sticking his foot up their asses. He was very uncomfortable with them and if they didn't leave, he might do something to them.
Violent J asked what the fuck was going on and gave Richard a fuck you and told him they were creeping him out. Shaggy said if they didn't leave in 5 seconds he was going to jump up and beat their asses. The guys left a short time later before Shaggy got up. Shaggy and Violent J seemed to be very upset about them painting their cocks to look like their faces. Shaggy also said that it looked like they had baby dicks too. They said they don't have problems with gay guys but when two flamers like Sal and Richard come in, they get pissed.
Gary pointed out that George Takei is a gay activist and the guys said they know that, they don't have a problem with him because he's not out shaking his dick in their faces. Artie said he agrees with them because he would rather sit next to George than those two guys because they have their dicks hanging out.
Howard said that they really did chase Richard and Sal away just by threatening to beat the crap out of them. Shaggy said he wasn't threatening, he was really going to beat the crap out of them if they had stayed in the studio.
Howard got back to the tour that these guys are going on. Violent J also got in a plug for a show they're doing at InsaneClownPosse.com. He said they do a report about what they're up to called the ''Weekly Freakly Weekly'' and they've also got their own radio show at WFuckOffRadio. They play music and talk on that radio show.
Shaggy asked Howard to make sure that those two guys aren't out in the hall when he leaves because he knows security will tackle him when he 'chins' them. Artie said he'd like to disagree with him about that but he really can't. Shaggy told him that he'll hold them and let Artie take a few shots at them if he wants.
Howard took some phone calls for the guys. One guy asked if they're okay with the Juggalos going out and mugging people. They said that they're all for it. The guy also asked if they were happy they got their asses kicked out in Houston after they failed to pay them. They didn't remember anything about that though. They didn't remember getting their asses kicked. They said they've had their asses kicked many times though.
Shaggy said he shit his pants after getting beat up one time. He said he broke into a restaurant when he was about 17 years old and ended up upon the guy who owed the place. That guy came running up on him and choked him. He was choked so hard he shit his pants. He was actually knocked out unconscious so that's why he shit his pants. He said he's lucky he didn't get killed.
Shaggy told another story about beating up some girls when he was about 16 years old. He said that they used to knock these girls out. They would start fights with them and they didn't hesitate to punch them in the face. Shaggy said he was walking to a store one night and this chick grabbed his balls really hard so he put her down. There was a party going on and a couple of 45 year old guys came out and started beating the crap out of him so he shit his pants.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he likes these guys and wondered what it was like working with Ol' Dirty Bastard. The guys said that he was their favorite rapper because he had such fresh stuff. They got to perform just a couple of months before he passed away. They were very bummed out when they learned of his death.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that SIRIUS is the best place for him to be. Howard said that's right and he's never going back to doing the other shit. The caller said he can't wait to see these guys in their Hallowicked show. They said this is the first time they're taking this show out on tour, usually it's just a Detroit thing.
Angry Black called in and said that he didn't know that the circus was in town. He said that if they had tried to take Sal and Richard down, the only ones who would have gone down would be those two. They've gotten into battles with Angry Black in the past and they seem to think that he failed to show up for a fight the last time they were on.
Howard took a call from a woman who thought that the guys were losers for punching out girls. She was cursing at them so they asked her if she sucks her father's dick with that mouth. Howard said he was handed a note that said the guys had to catch a plane so they had to get going. He had to cut the woman off and wrap up the interview with them. Violent J said that they have an album coming out early next year and they hope to be able to come back and promote that. Shaggy said they'd prefer it if they have naked chicks instead of Sal and Richard next time they're on.
Howard said they were supposed to have the Anal Ring Toss guy on today but he didn't show up. Butch Patrick from The Munsters showed up though so they'll be talking to him. Howard said they haven't played Anal Ring Toss for a long time, since when they were back at K-Rock, and they were looking forward to it. Howard wrapped up with the guys and went to break a short time later.
Howard played an audio clip of Barbara Walters interviewing Bill O'Reilly where he claims that he is on Al Queda's death list. Howard listened to that whole clip and we hear Bill talking about how he needs 24 hour a day security. Howard said he's full of it because he's out at basketball games and going out to eat at the restaurants he bashes on his show. Howard said that maybe Bill is on Al Queda's list, he doesn't know.
He pointed out that Oprah Winfrey is starting on XM this week and she's doing a whole 1/2 hour show while they play other stuff on her channel. Howard said that maybe Oprah should think about stuff like this before she does it because she's going to be ripping off her fans by only doing a 30 minute show a week. He played an audio clip from a news report where some financial analysts were talking about how she may not be able to get the fans to subscribe if they can still see her on TV.
Howard said that it appears that Oprah can't say no to anything. She doesn't need the money from the radio show because she's already worth a billion dollars. The analysts tried to figure out why Oprah would make that move. They understood Howard Stern's move to satellite but not Oprah's. They were very careful about what they said about Howard since they knew he'd be listening.
Howard said he was sitting there eating his lunch when he realized that he was eating spinach. He wondered why he was eating it because there's this e-coli scare going on with uncooked spinach. He asked Will to go out and get him something else to eat.
Artie said that he loved The Munsters but it wasn't in his top 5 shows of all time. He said it would be in the top 10. Howard said he thinks it would be in his top 5 no problem. Artie said that his favorite has to be The Honeymooners. Howard said that the Munsters might be his number one favorite of all time though.
Howard asked Butch if he went to Grandpa Al Lewis' funeral. Butch said he was there. He also talked about visiting the actress who played Lily, Yvonne DeCarlo, and she's in a hospital at this point in her life. She's 84 years old and needs the hospital to help her out. While he was talking about that George asked him to talk about Yvonne. The guys told George that's who he was talking about and it might be time for him to go to that hospital as well.
Howard told Butch that they were going to have him play Anal Ring Toss today but the guy backed out. Howard said the last time Butch called in he was promoting some kind of real estate thing. Butch said he's still promoting that thing and the fans can call 888-30-GO-NOW and you can get a 3 day, 2 night stay out in Vegas courtesy of Tahiti Village. He said that they give free rooms and show tickets to the people who call. They do offer a tour for those people who go but they're under no obligation to go on it. If you take the tour of Tahiti Village, you get an extra day and night stay out there.
Howard wondered if Eddie would dress up as Eddie Munster for the right amount of money. Eddie said he would do it for the right amount. He said he is asked to do that kind of thing around Halloween time and he doesn't feel all that strange about it at this time of year.
Howard wondered what kind of money he can get to do that. Eddie said it would cost about $20,000 to do a Bat Mitzvah or something for four hours. He said he can make some good money doing that stuff.
Eddie told George that he actually worked with him about 34 years ago on some show. They both read parts for the show. He also told a story about going to a house that was built as a Munsters mansion replica and did an appearance with Al Lewis.
Howard asked Butch if he and this author chick are doing each other. Butch said that they have been touring together and staying in the same hotel room. He wouldn't say he wasn't banging her but she said she's married and she's just working very hard on the book. She was being very cryptic with her answers. She said that she's been married for 21 years.
Howard asked the woman if she was a fan of Butch's when she was growing up. She said she was a fan and always wanted to play catch with him when she was little. Howard was kind of confused by all of this and wasn't sure if they were lovers or not. Butch seemed to be a bit confused as well. She claimed that it was a very close friendship and that's all it was.
Howard said this was a very confusing interview to him. The woman said ''good'' when she heard that. Butch told Howard and Robin about how he met he and how she had written some medial books that she got published.
Howard asked Butch who he thinks is more famous, George Takei or Butch Patrick? That led to a quick discussion about popularity and George was saying that he thinks that being on the Howard Stern Show has given him a whole new audience. Howard asked the two of them who the most famous celebrity was that they had banged. Butch said he banged one famous chick but he promised that he would never say who that was. George Takei said he has fantasized about doing George Clooney and he didn't want to share who he has banged in his life.
Butch was saying that he tries not to go out on the road too much doing appearances because he likes to keep that to a minimum. He likes to go out at this time of year though.
Howard wanted to check out this woman Helen that was with Butch. He asked if her boobs were real and she claims they were. She said she wouldn't be taking her top off for them either. Butch confirmed that they were D-cups, but how he knew that was unknown.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who wanted to know when Howard is coming out to Vegas. Howard doesn't know when that's going to happen. Another caller said that Butch is on this web site called Hollywood is Calling and Butch is on the list of celebrities who will call fans. Butch said he's made like 6 or 7 calls over the years. He said he gets $19 bucks to do it and the people he calls get a kick out of it so he doesn't mind.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who else was in the hospital with Yvonne DeCarlo. Butch said he only saw Rhonda Flemming when he was there but the place was very large so he's sure there are others.
Howard asked Butch if he thinks he'll go there when he gets old and run around in his Eddie Munster outfit. Butch isn't sure that will ever happen. George Takei said that Deforest Kelly spent some time at that hospital before he passed away.
Another caller brought up the revelation that Howard made during Artie's drug revelation. Howard said that his penis dribbles after he pees and he has no control over it. He said Beth pointed it out to him that he had some stains on his black underwear one night recently. Butch said he's getting old as well and he might have problems like that as well. Artie said he might have the problem as well but he hasn't seen his dick since January so he's not sure. The caller said he has the same problem and he had to switch to dark boxers instead of white so his wife would stop bitching.
Howard gave Butch a plug for the time share thing that he was promoting. He also said that this book that Helen is writing should be out next year. Helen said a few more words about the book and said that she got George Harrison's sister to write the intro to the book. Howard wrapped up with them a short time later. Howard thanked Butch for all of the years of enjoyment he's gotten out of watching The Munsters.
Howard mentioned Andy Dick's show that's coming up at 7pm on Howard 101 tonight. George warned people that Andy likes to lick people. He witnessed that at the William Shatner roast a few weeks back.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve was saying that he wasn't trying to get John Mainelli fired when he looked into the conflict of interest story. Howard asked Steve about this Inside Radio thing since they were the ones who started the whole rumor about him going back to terrestrial radio. Steve said he didn't investigate that story, he was looking to the John Mainelli story.
Steve did his quick news preview and said that Shuli will have some reports about Gary and Ronnie's visit to Las Vegas. He mentioned a few other stories that Lisa G had mentioned earlier in the morning. There are a couple of other stories that they'll be reporting on today as well. Artie said he loves Steve. He gets a laugh out of the way he delivers his reports.
Jon Hein was in with his Wrap Up Show preview. They'll be taking about George Takei's return to the show. They'll also be talking about the Insane Clown Posse visit, the Butch Patrick visit and why he didn't get to play Anal Ring Toss. There will also be discussions about why Ronnie left early on Thursday and what happened while he wasn't there.
George Takei said that Adam doesn't seem to be too bright. He explained that there is a big Asian population out there and he did a goof on an Asian awards show and he believes that it was a very stupid thing to do. He said there was a huge uproar and Adam actually had to apologize for what he had done.
Howard isn't sure how Adam is doing in the ratings but George said he doesn't think he's doing too well. Howard moved on to some other stuff while they waited for Adam to call them back.
Howard said that Gary Garver got an interview with Steve-O a short time after he had peed on the red carpet at the premiere of the new Jackass movie. Steve was there with his father so Gary asked him what he thinks of his son. He said that he goes along with some of the stuff he does but not with other stuff. Steve's dad wasn't too thrilled with him peeing on the red carpet. He had his father explain what he did for Nabisco. His father said that he was the President of the International Division of the company. He didn't know what that had to do with what Steve does. Steve said that it shows that he was raised by a loving family and with a good education.
Garver asked Steve-O why they don't sign up and get into the war in Iraq if they're so nuts. His father came in and said that the war is pointless and said something about President Bush being a ''fucking asshole'' instead of letting Steve answer.
Howard talked about Steve grew up with money yet he still does these crazy stunts. He obviously doesn't have to do that stuff to make money, he just does it because he loves it so much. Artie said he'd like to have that guy on the show.
Howard had another Gary Garver interview where he interviewed Dave England from Jackass. Garver asked him what he's famous for and the guy says ''shitting...'' He sounded like he may have been drunk during the interview. Howard said that more Hollywood types should start shitting to make money because it seems to be working for this guy. Dave had no problem talking about the problems he's had with his dick and stuff like that.
Artie said that they were in a very interesting situation because they can't curse. He said they can't even ask Adam to curse with them. Adam defended himself as far as the gift he got from Howard. He said that he got the gift and it said it was from Howard Stern and he wasn't even sure it was actually from him. Howard said that he's had similar situations where people jerk him around claiming that they're someone they're not.
Adam asked Howard if he has heard any of his program. Howard said he's never heard it but maybe George has. George said he's never heard it but he has heard about the stuff that has gone on with the show. Howard asked Adam to do the accent that he was doing when he caused the uproar.
Howard said he never expected Adam to last this long on the air because he hates getting up so early. Adam said it is tough to do a show this early in the morning. He said that he did have the twins so he did realize he can't just freak out, go on heroin and not show up to work.
Howard said he heard from Jimmy Kimmel that Adam is the worst father and he just ignores the kids and pretends he doesn't have any. Adam claims that he named the kids Howard and Robin.
Howard told Adam that he stopped listening to terrestrial radio after listening to two days of David Lee Roth back when he first started. That was all he could take. Howard also said that he doesn't miss terrestrial radio and he's very happy to be where he is now. He told Adam that he's glad that he's doing the show and not him. He and Robin also said that they are not coming back to terrestrial radio no matter what has been in the news lately. Artie wanted to throw in some jokes during Howard's speech but every one of them had a curse in it.
Howard asked Adam how he's doing in the ratings. Adam said he's had some trouble in some markets but he was number one in Vegas for a little while. He said that they started off very close to zero in Los Angeles. He said it's very tough to follow Howard Stern in radio. He said they've managed to double the zero ratings going from a .7 to a 1.7 in the past 8 months or so.
Howard told Adam that they're there cursing up a storm and having a blast. They have over 4.5 million subscribers and they're hoping to get more as they go on. They don't have to answer to sponsors or to management there and they feel very free. He said it's been a great experience and he felt he had gone about as far as he could in terrestrial radio.
Adam said that he hasn't had a lot of guys coming in telling them what they can do or can't do so far. He said they do have to mind their P's and Q's though. He said that no one knows what the FCC wants these days so the dump button guy is paralyzed with fear these days. Adam told Howard that they've gone through 3 guys who hit the dump button in 9 months. He's not sure what they can or can't do anymore so they have to censor themselves. Howard told Adam that's why he left radio, he couldn't take it anymore. He said it got old and boring for him and moving to a new business was the way for him to go.
Howard asked Adam if he has SIRIUS radio. Adam said he was going to lie and tell him he does but he really doesn't. He said that Jimmy fills him in on everything that's going on so he can tell him everything he's doing wrong on his own show. Adam said he will eventually sign up and get the service so he can listen to it.
Howard got in a plug for his Howard TV On Demand stuff. He knew there was something crazy that they had done last week but he had trouble remembering what it was. Gary reminded him about Howie Mandel coming in and having a chick riding the Sybian. He had to explain to Adam what the Sybian was using clean language. He did that and also explained the Hodeo that they did recently.
Adam asked Howard if he's going to have time to get together with him. Howard told him that he's got some things going on that he can't talk about on the air. He said he'll give him a call back off the air. Adam wanted to talk to Howard about some advice on what he's doing on his radio show. Howard told him to quit, keep his dignity and come over to work for them. Adam said that Howard offered him a job there at SIRIUS but when he asked about money, he was told that he's an artist and he shouldn't ask about money. There's no money left for him there at SIRIUS.
Howard tried to get in a plug to all of his old fans who were listening to Adam but Adam cut him off and told Howard's fans to tune into his show. Howard let Adam go a short time later but didn't hang up on him. Howard listened in to his show while he and his co-hosts talked about the call he just had. Adam was talking about what a nice guy Howard was so Howard bailed out on it after a minute or so. Artie then threw in a ''FUCK!'' since he wasn't able to say it while they were on the phone with Adam.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's tuned into Adam's show to listen to it and it's really lame. He said that it's amazing what Howard did to FM radio while he was there. Howard said he doesn't know how anyone could thrive on FM radio at this time. They have far too many commercials and everyone is being strapped down with their hands ties so they can't do anything interesting.
Howard talked about how he has no desire to go back to doing that kind of radio and he knows that there are companies out there hiring publicists to bad mouth him in the press. He said that no one is bringing in as many subscribers as he is now that he's moved to satellite. He said that once you go to satellite, there's no reason to go back to terrestrial.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about his move to satellite and how he knew that he wouldn't have as big of an audience when he moved there. That didn't bother him, if it did, he wouldn't have made the move. He also says that some day he will have as many listeners as he did when he was on terrestrial, just watch. He had Robin start her news after that.
Howard asked Artie if he got laid in Hartford. He joked that he can't wait to get his hands on some heroin. Artie said there were some hot chicks there at the comedy show he did over the weekend. He said they had some 'chubby chasers' t-shirt on and that was a joke from 'Beer League.' Howard went back into his Dana impression
Robin read a story about how Jackie the Joke Man is going to be doing his own show there at SIRIUS. Howard said that Jackie came to them and asked him about doing the show and Howard figures that the fans are going to get a hold of him and ask him why he left the show. He did his Jackie impression and goofed on him a little bit.
Artie said he would love to have Jackie be part of one of the roasts. He would love to have him in to do something like that. Howard said there is no official announcement at this time but there is a Jackie show in the works for Howard 100 and 101. Artie said that it may come full circle and Jackie can fill in for him when he ends up back in rehab.
Howard went into his Dana and Jackie impressions and made it sound like Jackie was dating Dana. Artie said if that really happens he's going to jump off his building. Howard and Fred were doing impressions of Jackie and goofing on him. Howard said he doesn't have all of the information about Jackie's show but it was in the paper this weekend. He said that Tim Sabean knows all of the details. Fred threw in the circus music that they used to play for Jackie years ago. Fred said he may have gotten that circus music from Jay Thomas' show back when they first started at K-Rock in 1985.
Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started off the show saying hello to George Takei who was sitting in just yesterday and today. George said he's looking forward to his next visit but this week's visit comes to an end today. Artie was running a little late this morning because he got a flat tire. Robin wasn't so sure that was the true story though.
Howard had George do an announcement to start off the show. George read the short script and had a little trouble reading it. Howard told him that was a pretty cold read. He also said that that's the magic of having that job as the announcer of the show, he doesn't need to put that much energy into it.
In the script George mentioned something about Russell Crowe. After that he told Howard and Robin about working with him many years ago and how he worked with him one time and actually did some jogging with him. He said he's had dinner with him and stuff like that but he was not invited to his wedding. George also said he is straight and he did not kiss him.
George said that Crowe is a very ambitious guy and he really wanted to work with him back then. Now George says he would like to work with Russell.
Howard played a news report where they picked up on that story and bashed his show even more. He said that he knows that this is orchestrated in some way. He's not sure who is doing it but he remembers reading about someone out there hiring public relations firms to discredit him. He said it may have been the NAB.
Robin said she read some stories about that and how they were trying to push the good things about terrestrial radio. Howard said that there are no good things about terrestrial radio anymore. Their ad rates are dropping like crazy.
Robin asked what happened over at XM since Oprah's show launched on there yesterday. Howard said nothing has happened. He didn't want to drop the Ad Age thing that he was talking about though. He said that it's obvious that someone is still getting stories out there trying to bash him and his show.
George Takei asked Howard what the last count was for the number of subscribers for SIRIUS. Howard said at the last count, a few months ago, it was at over 4.5 million. But when Howard signed on they had under a million. He said that he's heard that they estimate that a lot of those 4.5 million are listening to his show.
Howard played a clip from Larry King's show where he asked Oprah about all of her friends doing shows on her channel. Then Larry asked Oprah what she does on there. She basically said she doesn't do all that much. Artie came walking in around that time and mentioned that he was out there changing his flat tire. Howard got right back to the audio from Larry King's show and talked about how obnoxious Oprah is.
Oprah was telling Larry King that she sometimes doesn't feel that she's fulfilled her potential as far as her career goes. Howard stopped the tape and said that she's so full of it and it's like a big Fuck You to everyone out there. She's making billions doing her show and she's complaining about it.
George said that it'll be interesting to see how Oprah is doing on XM a year from now. Howard said she won't even be on by them. She's not part of her own Oxygen network which is basically a failure. He said that this whole thing is a way that XM is battling Howard Stern. He also said that you won't hear anything about Oprah failing though.
Howard had some other clips from Oprah's show. One of them was where Oprah empties her purse after a fan asks her to do it. It was obvious that they had set it up before hand. Gary said she had a copy of a Mya Angelou poem in her purse. She had someone bring out her purse from back stage and pulled out the stuff she claimed to be carrying around that morning. She was pulling out a ton of stuff. She had her Blackberry, the charger for the Blackberry, her wallet, make-up, The Color Purple play ticket, the poem from Mya Angelou, Mya's itinerary... It was like she was promoting everything she's involved with. She also had some pens and reading glasses. She pulled out the money she had in there and said she had a bunch of South African rand in there. She claimed to have just two American dollars in there. Then she found more and said it was $14. The audience went nuts when they heard that... for no apparent reason.
Howard and Robin pointed out that no one is reporting that XM is losing ground to SIRIUS these days. They will report about how Howard isn't getting as much for ads as they used to but they won't talk about how he's helped turn the company around as far as subscriptions go. He said it reminds him of how years ago, when satellite was first starting out, they would announce new programming each week. Now there are stories about how poorly his show is doing and he wouldn't be surprised if someone is profiting from the smear campaign.
Howard played some edited clips of Oprah talking about Stedman's ball cheese, drinking his cum, a 237 pound shit and many other things. Richard put together a bunch of clips using audio from her show. He had her saying things like ''I just love to eat black snatch.'' and stuff like that. George was thrilled because they've done the same thing to him using his audio clips. They had George talking about many disgusting things. Howard played one clip where Richard interviews George clips and asks him about his trist with Fred.
After that they played Kidd Chris' prank call to George where he called him as Ricardo Montalban. George said he doesn't know how he got suckered into that phone call. He said he should have known after he made some very strange comments in the call. Howard said he likes that George is such a trusting man.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there's an ad campaign going on in Pennsylvania where they claim that the sports programming costing extra on satellite radio. He said we all know that's not true. Howard said it seems that these lies are coming in waves these days and he's not sure what can be done about it. He thinks that someone needs to do an investigation and it may be the SEC who needs to look into it. He said that's what his father has suggested because it could be effecting stock prices.
The caller said that the out and out lie like that should have some kind of penalty. No one is sure who would enforce that. Another caller asked if she heard right about Artie getting a flat tire this morning. Artie said he helped his driver change the tire on the car he was being driven over in. They were kind of in a rush this morning. She said she would call someone to change it for her if she got a flat. Artie said he didn't have time to call AAA to do the flat change.
Artie said the guy who drives him has a Lincoln and it's very easy to change a tire on that car. Artie said he has changed tires in his life but Howard and Robin have never done that. Howard talked about how he and Fred had to push a car through Harlem one time when it broke down. Howard said he would like to learn how to change a tire but he would most likely abandon the car if it did get a flat. He would just say it's totaled and leave it there now.
Howard got to the game and had Sal read the list of three items. The woman on the phone had to pick the lie out of the three statements. Here they are...
The woman on the phone claimed that she remembers George telling the story about his camp counselor and how he had his first experience with a guy there. George said he was 13 at the time and the guy was 18 or 19 years old and experienced. He said the guy was the counselor in his cabin and he claims that he wasn't sure if he was gay back then or not. He does remember the guy's blonde forearm. Artie sounded kind of uncomfortable as he was going through the story.
George said that he ended up alone in the cabin with this camp counselor and got into the story a little but Howard wasn't sure he wanted to hear more. Artie said this is a story about how to turn a blonde arm brown. George said the guy gave him a hand job and there was some kissing going on as well. He said it wasn't a continuing thing with him but it was very exciting and frightening thing at the same time. It was his first orgasm as well.
George said that guy was his only one that summer. He spent the rest of the summer beating off at home after that. George also talked about the other story where he threw up while giving oral sex to a man. He said he was backpacking through Europe at the time... Artie changed that to 'Fudgepacking through Europe.' George continued and said that he met this American man in a Tavern (pronounced Tavern-ah) in Madrid and the guy asked him to return to his apartment for drinks. They had some booze and George is pretty sure that's what made him vomit.
Artie wondered if that puking made George wonder if he wasn't gay. Howard asked George what it was that made him vomit. George said he's pretty sure it was the alcohol and the fact that the guy was cumming at the time. He said he didn't throw up on the guy, the toilet was right there so he puked into that. George said he was on his knees hugging the toilet.
Howard told the woman on the phone that she had won tickets to the Gary Roast and let her go. Sal said he had one more game to play if he wanted to give away more tickets. Howard read through some of the stuff they had coming up on today's show and wondered if he could fit in another game.
Artie said he almost puked while giving oral to a woman because she smelled so bad down there. He said he had regular sex with her after popping up from the oral. He said that a guy has no problem sticking his dick in a place like that.
Sal said he was going to have George rate the guys on the staff as far as their looks go. George said he wasn't sure he wanted to do that but everyone told him to go ahead and do it.
Robin wondered when the Gary Roast is. Gary let her know that it's coming up on October 5th. Howard took a call from a fan who said that this SIRIUS thing is great and it's worth the $13 a month. He asked to play the next game so Howard agreed to let him play Two Truths and a Lie. Here are the next three statements from George Takei...
Sal said that he once experimented with a toothbrush in his ass when he was about 14 years old. The guys figured that he had stuck a candlestick up his ass and that's where he got that lie from but it was just the tip of a toothbrush.
George talked about the stranger in the bar story. He said he was over in Scotland for the Highland Games and he was wearing a kilt over there. He wore the kilt in the authentic way which meant he had no underwear on under it. After a day of the games he met up with a guy and had some shots of whiskey. One of the contestants from the game came up to him and pulled up his kilt looked at his genitals to see if he had any underwear on.
George also talked about the motorcycle thing. He said that he was very young at the time. He was doing summer school over in England and this guy was commuting on a motorcycle. He took George for a ride and George came while on the back of the bike. He said his penis was against his back and the bike was vibrating. The other guy was straight and didn't know that this had happened.
Howard said that he went to Scores one time with Beth and shot a load while he had his cock against her back while she was getting a lap dance. He said it was the hottest thing he'd ever seen and he just blew it. Artie said that he can kind of understand George's story but he wondered what kind of Neanderthal he is. Howard thanked George for all of his revelations.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Andy Dick's 'The Shit Show' that aired last night. He said it was horrible but Howard hadn't heard it yet so he couldn't comment. He said that he would recommend that Andy just talk about his life when he does that show. Artie said the guy is talented and he's sure he could do a good show. George said he spoke to Andy at the William Shatner roast and told him to tone it down a little bit because he's so over the top. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard quickly played another song called ''Tickle my Asshole'' and then brought in Lisa G to give her Howard 100 News preview. She said that there's a university out there,Syracuse University, that wants Howard to make a speech so they'll be talking about that. Howard said that he's sure that the college won't allow it. Lisa found that hard to believe but he told her that she has no idea who he is.
Artie said that he was once asked to be in the Union High School hall of fame when he was on MAD TV but now that he's on Howard's show, they wouldn't even consider it. George told Howard that he should consider going to do this commencement speech because students need to know about free speech. Howard said he doesn't want to go to college and tell people what they should do. He hates public speaking and lecturing kids on their future. George suggested that he do what he does on his radio show.
Lisa said that High Pitch Eric has landed a gig on The Sopranos so they'll have more on that later. She also said that they'll be talking to some of the guys on the show and their successful family members. Lisa said they'll also find out more about Howard 'leaking' all the time. George told Lisa that it's normal for guys to start dripping as they get older. She also got in a plug for Sal the Stockbroker's 'Kill or Be Killed' show that's airing tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard said that some people would say that she's being very selfish and not thinking about the child's future. She said she doesn't believe there will be a problem though. She said her husband knows that she drinks and he's the one who goes out and buys the beer for her. She said that she also smoked weed back during her first pregnancy.
Rita told the guys that she drinks when she goes out with her friends and not too many of them actually say anything to her. She said people will stare at her while she's drinking. Her doctor has also told her not to drink but she doesn't listen to him. She said her sister in law is now threatening to turn her into the cops for what she's doing. She seems to think it's her choice and she can drink if she wants to.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people go off on this woman. Another woman called in and said that she's lost 5 pregnancies and this woman is being very selfish here and not appreciating what she has. Howard told Rita that she's very selfish.
George asked her why she's calling in to share her situation. She said she wants to talk to other women who feel the same way she does. Howard took another call from a woman who said that she teaches special ed classes and many of them are fetal alcohol syndrome kids and this woman really needs help. She seems to think that's why Rita is calling in and she really does need help. The special ed teacher told her that drinking 12 beers a day is nuts and not very fair to the unborn child.
Rita said she enjoys drinking and that's what keeps her going through the day. George let her know what they're not going to give her any justification by calling there. Howard took another call from a guy how told her that she's very irresponsible. He told her about a kid that he knew who had a mother who drank and that guy just isn't right to this day.
Howard said he pictures this woman Rita being very big. She said that she's really not that big though. The guy on the phone went off on her telling her to give up the drinking. Howard cut him off and took a call from another woman who said that she's the victim of a mother who drank while she was pregnant and she has problems with her eyes and learning disabilities. She thinks that if she hadn't been drinking, she wouldn't have these problems. Rita told her that she could have had those problems even without the drinking.
One phone caller suggested that they let her drink because they'll just have another retard to add to the Wack Pack. Howard asked Rita to keep that in mind and let them have the first shot at her child if it does come out retarded. Rita said she's mad about this whole thing because her sister in law is trying to turn her into the cops.
Hook Nose Mike called in and said that he kind of blames this woman's husband because he's actually buying the beer for her. Howard said he's pretty sure that they won't find anyone to agree with her and she's really shameful and a vomit to him. He told her that someone's life depends on her and she's not thinking about that. Howard didn't want to be to harsh on her because she might go out and get drunk. He hung up on her and then moved on.
Howard said he saw something kind of disturbing on HowardStern.com. He said Richard Christy's father likes to cut the heads off of catfish to hang them from their fence. He said they put a picture of that up on the web site.
Howard brought up Steve-O and said that's the kind of life he pictured him living but it turns out he grew up a rich kid. Richard said that it's like having trophies on your fence when you hang the heads there.
Gary came in and said that Will was telling him that his father used to kill deer and sell the meat. They would be left with the head and carcass so his father would leave it in the woods somewhere nearby and he'd eventually smell something awful because a dog would drag it back there. Richard said he remembers the dead animal truck driving by him out in Kansas and there was no worse smell than that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he just caught some of the Howard TV shows and he's going to try and subscribe to that. Howard read some of the notes he had about what they have on there this month. They have a lot of classic stuff from the old E! shows and a bunch of new footage that hasn't been seen before. They also have a lot of the recent shows up there this week as well. Howard said they have some video of the Beer League premiere coming up soon and also the 1987 FCC rally footage.
The caller asked Howard if he has seen the new NBC show 'Heroes.' Howard said he has seen a couple of episodes and it looks like it's got some promise. He talked about the show a little bit and said that he's not sure if it's getting ratings or not but it is cool. He gave it an A-rating.
Howard mentioned that George Takei was part of one of the greatest TV shows, Star Trek, so George told the guys that they're going to be auctioning off a bunch of stuff from the old shows at Christies soon. He said he got a hold of his old costumes and had donated some stuff to the Japanese American foundation. He also said he bought a phaser that someone built and he's handed that down to his family.
Howard said he got a hold of some Vulcan ears from the newer TV shows and he has saved them. George said he'll be looking at some other stuff at Christies to possibly purchase for his own collection. Gary came in but didn't get more than a word or two out before Fred played a new Baba Booey song parody to the tune of that Justin Timberlake song they were playing earlier.
Gary said that he knew a guy who said the guy who played Scotty on Star Trek who would sell pieces of his kilt but the pieces were just pieces from a huge piece of fabric that he bought at a fabric store. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Crazy Alice is winning that football pool. They have a football pool going on there at the station and Scott the Engineer is part of it. When you play a pool like that it's almost like a 50/50 thing. Scott only managed to get 2 of the 16 games right this past weekend. On Sunday he had no games right at all. He was 0 for 12.
Scott came in so Howard talked about how Scott's mother once told their family that they have a black cloud that follows them so they will always have bad luck. Scott said he did his picks and then figured that he could just reverse them and win. That didn't work for him either.
Howard let Scott go and had George do another announcement to get them back in the show. George quickly went through that read and then Howard got in some plugs for Sal's ''Kill or Be Killed'' show that's airing tonight. He also got in a plug for ''Jackie's Joke Hunt'' that's coming up next Tuesday night at 7pm. They goofed on the name of the show and Jackie's cleverness with that stuff.
A phone caller told George that it wasn't that good at all. He also brought up the Howard TV show where Benjy was dressed up as a horse and how crazy that was. Howard said Benjy got into character and refused to come out of character for some reason. The guys showed some of the playback on the studio monitor and Howard talked about how insane that was.
The caller asked Howard if he wanted to play a game. Howard didn't want to but caved in when the guy asked if he wanted to play the Over/Under game. The guy asked how many times the word Penis was said, over or under 30. Howard figured it was over, he was right. It was said 37 times.
The caller asked how many times the word 'fuck' was used. The caller said it was over or under 170. Some of the guys said it was over... They were right. It was 183 times! Howard said that was a bit of an abuse of the F-word and he wasn't too happy about that.
The caller's last question was about how many times Robin used the F-word. It was over/under 3. The guy said she actually said it four times during the show yesterday. Howard said it's kind of jarring when she says it on the show. The caller asked if there were anymore tickets to the Gary Roast. Howard gave him a pair for calling in with the game.
Howard said there's also a lot of guys who submit voice impressions and this one guy did a Mickey Mouse voice for them. He played a clip of that impression and it was horrible. Richard said that guy was from England. There was another guy by the name of Ron the Voice Guy who did an impression of Michael Jackson that was awful. He also breaks into a Baba Booey song parody that was horrible according to Howard. He said he's not sure how you screw up a Baba Booey song parody but this guy managed to do it.
Howard had another song that some fan sent in. It was under 30 seconds and there were no lyrics, just some screaming. He said he liked that. There was also a comedy bit that a fan sent in called ''Howard Fucks Artie.'' He took clips of Howard and Artie and created a conversation where they talked about their cocks. It went on a little too long according to Robin. Howard said he wasn't going to give that guy a job.
Howard played another 'comedy' bit where the guy created something called ''Dads Against Driving Sober'' which was horrible. Sal came in and tried to tell Howard that this guy sent in 10 bits and that was the best of the 10.
Howard said the worst Baba Booey song parody was Rev. Bob Levy's submission ''Bababooeyland.'' He played some of that and asked Sal about how that all came about. Artie said that Bob was claiming that he knew the song was bad and that's why he submitted it.
Sal said that Bob submitted another song that he had Billy Mira sing as David Lee Roth. The song was about Artie losing Dana called ''Artie's Crying.'' Sal said Bob called him one night and told him he had a hit with that song but no one seemed to be too impressed with that one. Artie said that he drove up to this comedy show over the weekend and everyone was trying to come up with parody lyrics for all of the songs he had playing in the car.
Howard played another awful bit that a listener submitted. He only got through about 5 seconds of that bit before cutting it off. There was also another song parody called ''Jesus Never Started a Jihad'' that was pretty awful. Howard cut that one off pretty quick. Howard played another one that was so bad he only made it through about 3 seconds before cutting it off. Then there was ''Rodents in my Bum'' that he wasn't too thrilled with.
Richard said there were some good ones in there. He said this band Push Monkey sent in a song that was pretty good. Howard played some of that and Howard said they sounded pretty good to him. Gary told him about another song called ''Anne Coulter's Snatch'' that was pretty good. Howard said that one wasn't bad, he kind of liked that one.
Richard said a fan sent in a cassette of a song and he knows that when they get a cassette they have something weird. Howard played some of that and wondered what they're supposed to do with it. Some of the suggestions were to throw it in the garbage. The guy was doing a comedy routine about women's smelly pussies.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the guy who sang the ''There's Nothin' Like a Good Hard Fuckin'' song he had played earlier was by this guy Larry Pierce. Howard played a little more of that and then moved on to the next segment.
The girls said that everyone over there knows who Howard Stern is and they just went on his web site to find out about this Sybian thing. They said that they were on TRL on MTV yesterday with P. Diddy. They just crashed the show and got back stage. They claim that they're like the Paris Hilton of England. They get photographed quite a bit over there and have been featured in the papers quite a bit. One of the girls said that her boyfriend ended up having a threesome with her and her friend there after he got together a web site that managed to get 5 million hits. Howard spent a short time talking to her about that. That's how they ended up in the paper so much.
Holly and Katie said that they get packed by photographers over in England whenever they go out. They date famous guys over there in England. Howard introduced them to George Takei and they were trying to pick him up. George claimed that he was married to Brad and he couldn't cheat on him. Gary asked George if he was really married. George said that they haven't gotten married but they would like to. Gary asked him if he would do it on the show. George didn't seem interested in doing that on the show but he said he would invite Howard to the wedding.
Howard asked the girls if they were ready to ride the Sybian. They were going to leave on their clothes so there was a little bit of a problem since they wanted them to at least get topless. They agreed to do that but not take their panties off. They both had their clits pierced recently so they didn't want to take their panties off. They said that the piercing is great because it rubs on their clits while they're having sex.
Howard had one of the girls get on the Sybian. She took her top off and exposed her giant E-cup breasts. She got on the machine and as soon as Gary started it she was saying it felt good rubbing on the piercing. They were making out with each other and feeling each other up according to Howard. The one riding the machine said that it was worth flying halfway around the world for.
Howard asked George if he was into that stuff. George said it did show some passion. Howard had the other girl get on the Sybian so she could take it for a ride. He said that they were both very attractive girls. Doug Goodstein came in and asked if they could spray the girls down while they ride the Sybian. Howard said that would be good so he had the girls spraying each other with oil. Howard thought that looked pretty good. He had Gary start the machine up right after that. Howard had the girls rubbing the oil into each other and had Gary turning the machine all the way up to 100 percent. She didn't seem to want to let the orgasm happen so Howard kept telling to to just let it happen. She eventually did and said that she might have to wring her panties out.
Howard had the girls hop into the RoboSpanker after that. Howard also asked George if he would like to ride the Sybian. George wasn't interested in that. Robin said that it was Katie who was on the RoboSpanker first. She pulled up her skirt so the machine could smack her good. Howard told Katie to denounce England and say that America was number one. She refused so Howard made the machine spank her. He told her to do it again but she refused so he spanked her again. Howard told her to say that Lady Di was no good but she refused so she got spanked again and again. Mike Gange sprayed some oil on her ass while Howard was spanking her. She refused to say anything bad about England so Howard would keep spanking her.
Howard wanted to give the girls a plug for their web site RichardAndKatie.co.uk. The girls said that guys can try to be part of their foursome video that's coming up soon by visiting the site.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that they weren't sure if the girls breasts were real or fake so the girls offered to let them feel them up. The guys all took turns feeling them up and saying that they sure felt real even thought they might be implants.
Howard let the girls go a short time later. He took a call from a guy who said that the Sybian rides are really annoying and it doesn't translate that good on TV. Howard said he's heard that guys were jacking off to just the audio in the beginning but this guy was saying that's not the case. Howard said that he's going to listen to this guy and take the Sybian away. The guy said he didn't have to take his word for it, it's just one opinion.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the Sybian should stay and that other guy should spring for Howard TV, it's not that much money. Another caller said that anyone who thinks the Sybian has to go is a fucking faggot. He thinks that it should stay. The caller also asked George if he got into that Sybian ride. George said that he does get into it because they were some beautiful women. Getting it up for them is another story though.
Howard had the guys bring Rod in and spoke to him about doing this gay porn stuff. Rod said that he can actually make more money doing gay porn than he does in straight porn. He gets about $2000 per scene in gay porn and about $500 in straight porn. He told the guys that he was in the Marines before he got into the gay porn scene.
Rod said that he planned on being a cop after the Marines but he decided that he didn't like cops so he would be better off not being one. He claims that he never had any gay sex while he was in the Marines but he did do some gay bar dancing and had some other Marines that he knew putting dollar bills into his bathing suit.
Rod said that dancing for gay guys is no different than a hot chick dancing for some fat, ugly dudes. He said he went through a lot of money using drugs years ago but he never thought that he was gay. He said that he answered a bogus ad after getting out of the Marines and ended up doing some posing for them. That led to them asking him to jack off for them and doing other gay stuff. They'd pay him to do all of this stuff while they filmed him.
Howard figured that if he was a straight man he wouldn't want to do that stuff. Rod said that he did his first gay scene with another man who was a small Asian guy. He said he would go out and drink after doing his job because it wasn't easy for him. Howard said he thinks he's gay if he can get hard for another man and have sex with him.
George said this guy must be a brilliant actor if he can get it up for a guy like that. Howard said he heard that Rod has licked a man's asshole. Rod said that's true but he didn't seem to think it was gay. Rod said he'd rather call himself a freak.
Gary said he read that this guy once had an orgasm while getting banged in the ass. When the guys heard that, they all told him he's gay. Rod still denies that he's not gay. He's had a real man's cock in his ass and even a strap-on in there. George asked him if he thinks he's delusionairy (Delusional) thinking that he's not gay. Rod said he never said he was straight, he said that he's just a freak.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and told this guy that he's a fuckin fag. Another guy said he's a faggot as well. The guy said he makes $2000 a week driving a truck and he'd much rather do that than take it up the ass for $2000. Rod said he would rather get paid $2000 for 3 hours of work than drive around in a truck all day.
Gary read some other notes about this guy and said that he once pulled some anal beads out of a guy's ass and the guy shit all over the place. He said he threw up when that happened. Howard said that Rod really needs to look at this and realize that he is gay. Richard came in and asked if they could get this guy to ride the Sybian. Howard said he didn't want to see that and it wasn't going to happen.
Rod said he's written a book about his life and he's trying to find a publisher. Gary said he's got rules for when he does a scene. He doesn't let guys finish on his face or on his ass because he's afraid of disease. Benjy was saying that Rod may not be gay. He said that he hit on something earlier when he mentioned the hot chick dancing for the fat guys. He asked Howard if he thinks he would orgasm if a guy used his hand on him. Howard said he's pretty sure a guy couldn't even get him up and aroused.
Howard said that if anyone wants to get in touch with this guy, you can email him at BarryRod@hotmail.com. He gave him that plug and took a call from Hook Nose Mike who told Rod that if he's playing the skin flute, he's gay. Rod said that he's horrible at giving oral sex because he almost pukes ever time he does it. JD came in and said he's seen this guy giving oral and he never looks like he's going to puke.
Artie wrapped it up nicely when he said that Rod is basically saying that he's straight, but he's only two grand away from being gay. Rod insists that he's not gay, but he's also not claiming that he's straight. The guys continued to talk about that and they were still confused about wether or not this guy was gay.
King of All Blacks called in and asked if someone is in prison for 50 years and you have sex with a man, that doesn't make you gay because you have no choice. Howard said you are gay if you have sex with a man. Howard said you always have a choice and you don't have to have sex with a man in prison.
Howard said as long as they're doing the gay stuff, he's going to have Sal come in with the names of guys on the show who George would rate the highest. They had seven guys on the list and Benjy came in last. Number six was Sal, five was Fred, number four was Richard Christy, number three was Gary, number two was Howard Stern and number one was Artie Lange!
Howard was hoping for a gay win because any win is good for him. Howard said he thinks that his physique is amazing right now. George said he's gotten to know Artie very well. Howard said that he has a problem with this list because they wanted just the physical attraction to be brought out in this list. George said he's seen the possibilities with Artie and he knows that his good looking father is in there somewhere.
Howard wrapped up with Rod Barry and said that they all think he's gay but if he wants to believe he's not, that's fine too. He gave him another plug for his email address and then went to break.
Gary said he went out to Vegas with the radio over the weekend and got to listen to the Jets game over the service while he was on his flight out there. Howard read the notes about the new tuner and found that you can rewind kind of like a TiVo. He said you can also hit a button that will download and save your favorite songs when you hear them on the new portable tuner.
Howard said that this is the kind of thing that's going to bury FM radio. Gary said that this is also going to be big for their show because people will be able to listen wherever they are without being stuck in a car.
Will came in and mentioned that they're looking for women to date Artie and they've already gotten about 30 women who look to be pretty hot. If you're interested in going on a date with Artie, just send an e-mail to Will@HowardStern.com
Howard also mentioned they have another contest coming up called ''America's Hottest Ex-Con'' that they'll be doing soon. They're looking for contestants for that contest as well.
Howard read more mail about Artie's drug problem he had last year. There are some people who think that they should be abandoning Artie over the whole drug addiction thing. Artie said that there is a bit of a stigma that's attached to that word 'heroin' and his friends have pointed that out to him.
Howard read an email where a guy suggested they bring back the RoboSpanker. They did that earlier today. There was also some nice feedback about George Takei returning to the show for a couple of days. The fans seem to be thrilled that he's back again.
There were some negative e-mails about Richard and Sal's gay behavior on the show. Howard read through that and also got one from someone who suggested they play the Mark Harris song ''I'm a Gay Papa'' for George. Howard said he's not sure George would want to hear it but he played it anyway. Howard joked that he heard George muttering 'fag' under his breath while the song was playing. George said he wasn't saying anything but he does think that Mark needs to pick up the tempo with that song.
Howard read some more mail about Insane Clown Posse's appearance on the show. He said most of the mail was negative but there were some people who liked the appearance. Howard said some people were happy that they chased Richard and Sal out of the studio when they were doing more of their gay stuff.
There was one e-mail about Robin and how she always has stories about children getting killed or abused in her news stories. Robin said she doesn't do that every day. Fred agreed with the writer and said that there may be too many stories about kids being abused in the news.
Artie talked a little bit about crying on the show last week while talking about his heroin addiction. Many people didn't know he cried according to Robin. Artie said there were some mornings when he would take the heroin and go to work. Howard remembers the days when Artie would start to nod off during the show. Howard asked him if he ever did it while he was at work. Artie said he would never do something like that at work.
Artie said he did take coke at work one time but that was when he was working at MAD TV. He said he hasn't done coke in over 10 years... just heroin. George said he wasn't aware of this so it was shocking to him. Artie said that the last time he did that stuff was back in June of 2005. He said he actually thought about either getting off the drug or getting enough of it to go through the whole summer on the drug. He couldn't describe how bad it was for him.
Artie said that you have to picture having the flu but still being able to walk around and sweating like crazy. He said you have to be able to get through four days of being off the drug but he wasn't able to do that. He lasted about 2 and a half days with the help of some booze. He said he started off back at the beginning of the detox after drinking so he had to start all over again. He said that this would have made for a great movie.
Artie got off the drug by using this drug called Subutex that you put under your tongue to dissolve it. He said it was a miracle drug for him because he was able to stay off the heroin after that. He said that he used to have some odd behavior back then when he would get up and move around in strange ways. He said that Brian Phelan noticed he wasn't okay back then and pointed it out to him trying to help but he denied anything was wrong.
Steve Langford wrapped up his news preview and then Brian Phelan came in and asked Artie if eating his arm is part of the drug problem. Artie said he's had that problem since he was in high school but it's got nothing to do with the drug use.
Jon Hein came in and gave Howard a quick preview of what they had to discuss on the Wrap Up Show today. They'll be talking about the major things that happened on the show today.
Gary came in and said that they want to play some of the audio from the day Artie returned to the show last year after he had stayed out a couple of days. Doug Goodstein also wondered if it was okay to put his show up on Howard TV. Artie said he doesn't care if they show it. Benjy wondered if Howard had a problem going to break that morning while Artie was crying. Howard said he knew the breaks were so short that they'd get right back to him.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he thinks that Artie came out with this story about his drug abuse right around the time of his movie so maybe it was some kind of publicity. Jeff was calling in from work today and Howard was amazed that he was still working. Jeff asked for a plug for his web site TheRealJeffTheDrunk.com. Howard let him do that and then let him go.
Gary asked George if he and Brad would come in and do a celebrity Newlywed Game with them. George said he would ask Brad and see if he would be up for it. The caller was still doing his George Takei impression and said goodbye to him in that same voice.
Howard had Robin wrap up her news and ended the show around 11:15am after saying goodbye to George Takei since this was his last day there for this visit.
Howard started off the show welcoming everyone to the Wednesday show. He got in a plug for tonight's Intern Show and then said that he's missing Mr. Sulu, George Takei, already. He said he's a great guy and everyone who has been e-mailing seems to love him as well. He read through a few of those e-mails and it does seem that the love for the guy is almost unanimous.
The fans said that they love to hear Takei's views on the stuff they discuss on the show and he seems to fit in perfectly with the rest of the crew. Someone said he'd be great as a permanent fixture on the show but Howard wasn't so sure about that. He said maybe it would work, he's not sure. He said he loves the guy though. Robin said George may be too busy for them to get him as a regular on the show.
Howard said he loves that those guys bust balls all day and it cracks him up. He had another clip where Sal, Richard and Benjy all called into this telepsychic show and drove him so nuts that the guy eventually hung up and cut to an old show because he was so thrown off by what was going on.
Howard played that clip where Sal calls in and tells the psychic he's worried about his wife's health because her pussy smells like rotten eggs and fish. He hangs up on him, then Richard calls in and causes some feedback on the phone. Sal calls in again and tells the guy he has cancer in his cock. Richard is recognized on his second and third calls so he gets hung up on. Then the guy recognizes Sal so he gets hung up on as well. Then they cut to some music and the guy comes back a short time later. Benjy then tries calling in but he also gets hung up on.
Sal and Richard put an intern on to try and get through but as soon as Richard got on the phone he got hung up on. The host of the show goes to a break and that was it, he didn't come back after that. Artie said he'd love to hear tape of the guy yelling at his call screener.
The woman on the phone asked to come to the Gary Roast that's coming up next week but they were all booked up and weren't able to give her tickets. Howard said they went back in the archives and pulled the phone calls that Artie was making last year when he was calling in sick while he was on the heroin. He said he had to hear them again.
Howard played one of the calls where Artie called and left a message for Gary. They've played the call many times since he made it because it was so funny. Howard asked Artie if that was the heroin making him cough the way he was. Artie said he wasn't sure when they were made so he wasn't sure what caused the cough. Howard sounded concerned when he asked that question because of Artie's reaction to it.
Artie said that you do get sick when you try to get off the drug and that's probably what was going on. Howard said he learned a lot from Artie about detoxing so now he can talk about it when it comes up in conversation. He said that what he's learned is that when you get addicted to these opiates, you have to keep taking it just to feel normal. When you try to get off of it, it makes you feel sick all the time. Artie said that's what it is and it's just trying to feel normal.
Artie said that even when you take a shower you don't feel refreshed because you sweat all the time. Artie was also saying that these drugs like Oxycontin are also like heroin because they're opiates and you get the same kind of feeling when you try to get off the drug. The drug Artie was taking to get off the heroin does make you feel better but that makes some people think they can take the heroin again and that's what leads to them overdosing.
Howard played another one of Artie's voice mails from last year where he said he had a bit of a relapse and apologized for not showing up to work. Howard said that everyone had their suspicions about Artie back then and Sal and Richard actually created a bit where they had Artie snorting coke while making those calls. He didn't play it back then because he thought it was so fucked up. He played it today and it was pretty funny.
In the third message Artie left, he talked about throwing up and shitting. He just said he was sick back then and didn't say that it was from the heroin detoxing. Howard played another call that Artie made and said that there were a lot of those back then. They ended up taking those calls and made some prank calls to some deli's to make it sound like they had an employee calling in sick.
Howard asked Artie if he's fine now. Artie said he is but it wasn't a very convincing comment. Howard asked him what he did last night. Artie said he watched some TV last night but that was about it. He wasn't watching Dancing With the Stars like Howard was. He said that Willa Ford wanted to call in to talk about her time on the show. He said he didn't know who she was but Fred said she may have been on the show one time. Howard got a note from one of the guys who said she has been on the show. He didn't remember that though.
Howard and JD talked about this chick Monique who almost lost her dress on the show. Howard said that he was laying in bed watching that show and Beth was getting ready to go to an FHM party. He said she was trying on one skimpy outfit after another and he was getting jealous. He said he doesn't like it when she goes to parties alone like that. Beth said she had to go because she's a columnist for the magazine. Her co-columnist Isaac was going to the party so she figured she had to go.
Howard said that Beth went through hours of preparation for this party she went to. She had this little Betsy Johnson dress on so he asked her when it was that she last banged him. He figured it had been a few days. She told him that she was getting her period but he did her anyway. He insisted that he bang her before she left. He went out to dinner later on and laid in bed to watch Dancing with the Stars.
Artie said that it sucks that Beth went to the party because there are so many scheeves out there who were probably hitting on her. Howard said that he's been going to his psychiatrist four days a week for some time now and he's pretty sure that his doctor thinks that he's mental.
Artie told Howard that out in L.A. about 50 percent of the people work while the other 50 percent are partying and leaching off of everyone else.
King of all Blacks called in from his street sweeper. He had it running so Howard asked him to keep it running so he could hear it a little bit. King talked about that job with the guys but Howard interrupted and asked him how he can get 4 hours of overtime like he was talking about. King said that they have to ask him before anyone else because he's got seniority. Howard said that job looks like it would be kind of fun. It's better than the garbage job that King had. King said that he got stuck with a needle one time when he was picking up garbage.
Artie said that he had a friend who drove one of those sweepers and he would park it at the bar they went to. The guy owned the sweeper and picked up his own accounts cleaning up places. King told the guys that the sweeper he drives cost about $125,000 and it's got A/C and a CD player in it. Howard said he would like to drive one just to see how it is. King told him to just meet him out on the street and he'll let him drive it. Howard said he would like to race Bubba in one of those things.
Artie said that his friend put a whole speaker system in his sweeper. Howard told King to come down to SIRIUS and give them rides. King said he'd have to ask about that, he can't just drive down there. King said they might have to tow it over there on a flatbed truck.
King was saying that Howard couldn't drive the thing because it's not like a car when you drive it. Howard said King probably doesn't have to do a lot of work because it's the truck doing all of the work.
King asked Artie if his taking drugs had anything to do with Dana. Artie said 'No, no, no...' and explained that he had problems with drugs way before Dana came around. King told Artie and Howard that they both keep to themselves too much and they have to let their emotions out more.
Howard told King that Artie did cry the other day so he was letting his emotions flow. Artie said that his advice to those who are going to cry on air is to keep your mouth shut. Artie didn't say a word when he was crying so no one could really hear it. King asked him why he did cry. Artie said that it was going back to a very painful time for him. That's why he was crying. He said it was an awful time in his life.
King asked him why he would take a drug like that and not Ecstasy. Artie said he's taken that as well. Artie told him that cocaine is a runaway train for him and that would lead to really bad things for him.
King told Howard that he can't believe that he doesn't like that new Justin Timberlake album because he thinks it might be the best one out there right now. Howard said he liked his last album but he hasn't listened to this new one yet. He said that the fact that Justin is banging Cameron Diaz pisses him off. King said that he's really into that chick Rachel Ray right now. Artie said that she's pretty but he wouldn't call her 'hot.' He said she's about a 6 in the show business scale of ho chicks.
Howard and King were arguing about whether or not she was overweight. Howard said he likes the skinny chicks but King likes chicks who have a little weight on them.
King was all over the place and asked about the new SIRIUS Stiletto that's coming out soon. Howard said he got one and he's loving it. It's got some great features that he was talking about like being able to listen live as you walk around, pausing the live feed, saving songs and stuff like that. King said he doesn't care how much it costs and he'll get one. He bragged about spending $1000 on this dog he just bought and how he can't believe how people are so afraid to spend a few bucks.
King asked Howard to please consider putting one of their houses on MTV Cribs. Howard said he would never do that with his place. That's the one place he can go where he's not sharing it with the world. Howard told him his apartment is pretty simple. It's a 3 bedroom apartment, which is actually pretty big in Manhattan, and it's pretty simple. King wanted to know what's there when you walk in. Howard said the apartment is open space when you walk in. Then he's got two stone statues on the wall in the foyer. He said you look down the hall and there's a big picture of a Buddah-like thing. Then to the left there's a bathroom.
King said he remembers Howard talking about his bathroom having a stainless steel toilet. Howard said it's a prison toilet, it's not that special. He said the apartment isn't all that extravagant. He said it's nicely done but it's not all that crazy.
King was asking about his windows and going nuts when he was hearing that he doesn't have any drapes on them. Everything he was describing to King made him go nuts. He was even happy when he heard that Howard had lights in his closet. King said he's been to people's houses who are living in slum-like conditions. They have roaches and crap like that in their apartments. Howard said his apartment building is pretty new and it's roach free as far as he knows.
The caller told Howard that his wife was in the Hodeo they held recently. Her name was Tina and he was thinking of getting her the Stiletto for her birthday. Howard spent a minute talking to that guy about his wife since she was a virgin before they got married. He claimed that he could get off just by eating a chick out. Howard found that hard to believe. The guy said he would hump the bed a little bit to help but it doesn't take a lot to get him off.
Howard told the guy that he had sex with Beth last night and then jerked off after watching Dancing with the Stars. The caller was saying that he doesn't even like regular sex that much and he's thinking it's because he's circumcised. Artie told him that most of the country is circumcised and there must be something wrong with him if he doesn't like sex.
Howard played a song that he played yesterday called ''There Ain't Nothin Like a Good Hard Fuckin'' while they were talking about sex. Howard also talked about a couple he knew that liked to jerk each other off more than having regular sex. Howard said Beth doesn't believe that he likes licking her but he really does. He said that if it's a hot chick and she doesn't smell down there, it's a great thing for him.
Artie said that he would tell Dana that anything he was doing to her was being done because he liked it. He wasn't doing anything for her. Artie said that Dana was really into candles so they always had that going on. He told the guys about going to a hotel out in San Francisco one time and she spent time setting up 15 candles around the bath tub. He hopped in the tub and ended up flooding about half of the candles. He said she probably spent a half hour getting them ready.
Gary came in and said he walked in on his parents one time and they had a bunch of candles lit in their room. He told Howard that he went over to his parents house one night to help move a couch. He ended up walking into their bedroom and saw all of the candles in the room and heard them scream when they saw him walk in. Gary said he went out and sat down all traumatized. He said his father came out a short time later and sat in silence for a few minutes. Then his father said ''What did you think we were dead?''
Howard said that Beth was complaining about the light in his apartment the other night. He told her that's because it was supposed to be a bachelor pad. He had no plans to read over there.
Howard told the guy on the phone that he should have sex with his wife on the phone. He said that she was at work but he's pretty sure she would do it if she was around. Howard let him go a short time later and went to break.
Howard played some Baba Booey song parodies that fans have sent in lately. One guy sent in one to the tune of the Star Wars cantina theme song. There was another guy who sent one in to the tune of a Stevie Wonder song. Howard said that they get about a thousand a day and the fans are working very hard on them. The O'Neil Brothers sent in one to the tune of the Brady Bunch theme song. He played a few other quick clips of songs that the fans have sent in lately. There was one to the tune of the Godfather theme music. Howard said that might be his new favorite and Fred should be playing that one when Gary walks in.
Howard said people send in stuff about Robin too but not as many as the Baba Booey stuff. He said that Rev. Bob Levy is really stuck on trying to come up with a good song parody. He said Bob seems to be obsessed with trying to create one about Artie. He played the song that Bob recorded over the phone. It was to the tune of 'I Want Candy' and it was 'Artie Snorts Candy.' He used the N-word in the song and Howard didn't think it was all that great. He said that the parodies just aren't for Bob, he's a great comedian but the songs aren't working. Howard did say he had to listen to it again.
Howard said they replaced Bob's ''Miserable Men'' show with Andy Dick's show this week and he got an avalanche of e-mail from people asking why they would replace that show with Andy's show. Howard read some mail about the Andy Dick show and some people liked it while others wanted to support Bob's show and complained that it didn't air this week. Howard seems to think that Bob got all of the fans on SternFanNetwork.com to write in about the show.
Artie said that Sal and Richard hooked up with a guy they met on the computer and went to dinner at his place while they were up in Hartford. He thinks that's kind of ridiculous. Howard read some more mail about the Andy Dick show and said that it's so obvious that Bob and his fans were writing in. Tim Sabean came in and said that it was very obvious that it was Bob's little army that was activated after their show was taken off.
Gary came in and said that Sal and Richard go out to eat with a lot of fans and there's one guy who bought Sal his lunch at Del Frisco at least 3 times.
Howard played some audio of Andy Dick's Shit Show theme song. Bob Levy was on the phone a short time later. Bob said that he wasn't sending in e-mails about Andy's show. Bob said he really doesn't care that Andy did a show this week. He's not sending in any e-mails.
Tim Sabean came in and said that Bob flipped out when they changed the show. Bob said that no one told him that the show was changing this week. Shuli was supposed to have called Bob but Bob said he never heard from him. Bob said he was the one who came up with the show so Tim should be calling him about changes they make. Howard said he had a point there. Howard said that Bob and the guys will be back on the regular roster after this week.
Howard told the guy that maybe he could bring his mother in and wax her. Rich said he would think about some of that stuff but he had other suggestions. Howard told Rich to get his mother on the phone and ask her on the air. Rich said he wanted to bring his sister in instead of his mother. Howard said he wants his mother to come down, not his sister.
Howard and the guys threw out a few other ideas for the guy but he wasn't interested in doing anything but the stuff he suggested himself. Howard put him on hold and said that they were going to get his mother's number so they could ask her about doing this waxing thing for the show.
Howard played a few clips from Andy Dick's Shit Show from Monday night. Gary came in and said that Rich's mother refused to come on the air. Rich said that he would like to get his sister on instead but the guys were pretty much insisting that he get his mother on the show. Howard let Rich go and told him to go get his mother to agree to come on the air.
Howard said that Andy called to find out what he thought of his show. He said based on the short clip he heard it was pretty good. Then Andy was asking about money and things tend to fall apart when the money issue comes up. They bring in people to do these shows as a test and they never end up coming back because of the money.
Lisa also mentioned that they have a new show called the Master Tape Theater that will be debuting soon. That show will feature host Sir HardanThick the Third. Howard said they'll be playing classic clips from the show on that show. Lisa mentioned a couple of other stories they'll be covering today and then got out of the studio.
Howard played a clip of Howard K's appearance on Larry King where he reveals that he's the father of the baby. Howard K said they kept the relationship hidden for a long time and they had done a good job at doing that. Larry found out that Anna's son did know that Howard K was the father of the baby.
Howard played another clip where Howard K talks about another guy who claims to be the father of the baby. He said that the guy shouldn't have handled things the way he did. Howard K was also talking about the pictures that were released of Anna and her son shortly before his death.
Larry King asked Howard K if he's planning on marrying Anna. Howard K said that some day they will but they have to get through all of this stuff with her son's death first. Robin said she doesn't believe that this guy is the father of Anna's baby. She said that this whole thing sounds very bizarre to her.
In another clip Howard K talks about how the media is hitting Anna while she's down by claiming she's making money from the pictures that were released of her son.
Howard said that JD is in charge of making sure they don't miss out on shows like that but he's been hanging out with this porno star Ashley Blue lately. Gary came in and said that last week JD ended up going out with this porn star and her friend. He ended up at the apartment of a porn director and they were watching sKatt videos and stuff like that. JD came in and said that Ashley Blue asked him to be at the apartment with her while she watched this sKatt video. JD said he was more interested in her friend than he was in Ashley.
Howard played a voice mail that Ashley left for show producer Jim McClure. She told Jim that they had JD on the couch watching the sKatt video and they were having fun listening to him talk while listening to techno songs. She told Jim to call her back. She also begged him not to play it back for anyone.
Howard asked JD what he thought about this chick making fun of him making phone calls to other people. JD said he wasn't into her at all so it wasn't a big deal. He said she had her arm around him at the apartment but there wasn't much going on. Howard said JD doesn't know how to work it very well because he had two porn chicks with him and he didn't get laid.
Will came in and said that Ashley told him she liked him because he wasn't trying to get into their pants and they were able to boss him around a little bit. JD told the guys he was at that apartment until about 2 in the morning and then he got out of there when nothing was happening.
Howard played some audio from an interview that Richard did with Ashley Blue. Richard told Howard that one of the girls admitted to making her own crack pipe during the interview he did with them. Richard told Howard that JD is supposed to hang out with Ashley's friend again soon. JD said he will be doing that this weekend sometime. She wants to hang out with him but he's not sure what will happen. Howard said that he predicts that nothing will happen and he'll probably be at her apartment until 2 in the morning again.
Howard and the guys were giving JD some advice on how to get something off this chick. They told him to make a bit out of it and tell her that he's going to talk about her giving him a hand job or something like that on the air. Artie told JD that he should try to at least kiss them or something.
JD said that Ashley's friend, Kimberly Kane, was biting his neck at the apartment. Howard goofed on JD over that and the way he talks. He kept pointing out that he was with two porn stars and didn't get anything from them. He figured that the girls biting his neck was a hint that they were ready to do something. JD kept saying ''I don't know'' when they'd ask him about that stuff. JD said that he just can't make that first move with the girls. Howard told him to just ask them to get naked or something.
Benjy asked him what the risk is in asking the girls if they would fuck him. Howard said you don't just ask the girls to fuck you. You have to play it a little cooler than that and maybe ask them to get naked first. Howard said he's not all that good with chicks but that's how he would work it.
JD said that he's going to take this chick out and buy her drinks and stuff. Howard told him to take her back to his apartment and try go get something off her there. The guys goofed on JD's Napoleon Dynamite-like delivery and talked about how it might go with him this weekend.
Howard pretended to be Kimberly Kane on the phone and tried to find out how JD was going to handle things. JD was mumbling and not getting his thoughts out, as usual, so Howard gave him more advice on how to handle things. It seems that things aren't going to go very well from the way things were going on the air. JD was making some comments that didn't fly so Howard would correct him on everything. He told him it sounds like it's going to be a disaster. Howard wished him luck with that chick but also brought up his time down at Hedonism and how he blew it down there.
JD said that when he was down there he didn't have an AIDS test so he wasn't allowed to bang any of the chicks. Doug Goodstein came in and said that JD could have had this chick down there but he just mumbled and walked away from her without even trying. JD said he met a chick on Myspace a few months ago and he did get something from her. He didn't want to say what went on with her. He said that she may have been with someone else while he was with her and he didn't want to spoil her whole thing.
Eric said that people are taking this flying with balloons thing too seriously. Howard told him that they have a wrestler who wants to meet Eric. Gary said that this guy John Sena wants to pick him up in a car and bring him to some event that he would probably love to go to. They need Eric to fly with balloons though.
Johnny Fratto was on the phone with Eric and he's working as a go-between trying to work out a deal with Howard and the guys. Johnny seems to be on Howard's side because he keeps trying to push Eric into doing this balloon flying thing.
Johnny said that there are people like Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman who want to see him fly. Eric said that if he does fly with balloons, his family is going to cut him off and not pay for the apartment that he's in right now. Howard said he thinks that's a bluff and they're not going to cut him off. Gary also said that his parents should realize that Eric doesn't have much fun in his life and this is something that could bring him some joy.
Eric said that his dad is 100 percent serious and he won't pay for that apartment if he goes through with the whole thing. Howard said he was going to hold off on the flying with balloons thing if Eric would allow them to play this carton that Kevin Lofton created about Eric. He said if Eric lets them play that cartoon, he'll drop the flying with balloons thing.
Howard told Eric to talk to Johnny about it. Eric wanted to talk but Johnny was talking over him. He went on to say that he's not happy that they have Tabitha Stevens peeing on him in the cartoon and he doesn't do that stuff. Howard told Eric that they'll give Eric that prize of going to the premiere of this movie if he does it. Eric made the deal after Johnny said that he would hook him up with his Rolls Royce.
Howard was still calling Eric 'Eric the Midget' and he kept asking him not to call him that. Richard told Howard he had something funny that he did to Eric and Johnny before they got on the air. Richard said that Eric started yelling at Johnny during the call. Richard had Ronnie the Limo Driver audio clips yelling at them. Eric knew that it was a prank so he told Johnny to hang up on them. Johnny knew that it was tapes of Ronnie and didn't hang up. They eventually did hang up but there really wasn't much going on there.
Howard said that this cartoon will show up on Howard TV tomorrow night since Eric gave them permission to play it. Eric asked Howard to please stop referring to him as Eric the Midget. Howard told him ''No deal.'' Johnny laughed and told Howard to refer to him as Johnny the Dago to show him that it was no big deal. Howard did that and Johnny tried to convince Eric that being called a midget was no big deal.
Howard asked Johnny why he puts up with this guy Eric so much. Johnny said that he's just trying to help the guy have some fun in his life. Howard said that he would go back to referring to Eric as 'Eric the Astronaut' instead but Eric didn't like that on either. They suggested Eric the Grouch too but that one didn't go over very well either.
Johnny told Howard he just got back from Tokyo where they opened up a Beverly Hills Choppers store over there. He said that they know who Howard Stern is over there too. Howard told Eric they'd save the balloon discussion for another time.
Howard was trying to wrap up with Johnny and Eric but Johnny was trying to tell Artie about this hot chick who wants to date Artie. That got Howard's attention so he stuck with it. Johnny said this woman is an actress and she's in movies right now. He said that they would know her name if he told them who it was. She loves the show and loves Artie. Johnny said that she knows of Artie but doesn't know him that well. She said that she doesn't want anyone to know who she is because she has a fiancee right now.
Artie said he had a feeling he knew who Johnny was talking about. He didn't say who it was but he said she is hot and he would bang her if he could. Johnny said that she told him that she met Artie at a party but Artie blew her off there. Howard told him he had to get going but he did want to hear more about that chick sometime. Johnny got in a plug for his SonOfAGunPastaSauce.com web site before getting off. They went to break after that.
Howard said there seems to be something going on with Artie today. He offered Artie a chicken cutlet sandwich because he was so full but Artie was already eating. He thought there was something odd about the way he reacted to it.
Howard lectured Artie about eating and said that sometimes when you think you're hungry, you're actually thirsty and if you drink something, that hunger goes away. He said that's what he's been doing lately so he can keep the weight off.
Gary said he's lost about 12 pounds in the past couple of weeks and he's been using the Zone Diet to do that. He said they give you portions and that's who they keep you from gaining weight. Artie said he knows that eating smaller portions will make him lose weight but he's not into that right now. He said he's been able to do that in the past no problem. He used to play tennis out in L.A. with Norm Macdonald but they used to get kicked out of the club because they would play in jeans.
Gilbert Gottfried was on his way in when he took his feet out so he showed him his naked feet. He bragged about how good they look and spent a minute on that.
Howard told Gilbert that he's great in My Bitter Half, the Sam Simon created radio sitcom that will be played on the air soon. Gilbert said he was doing a little bit of a black voice when he started out and it took off from there. Howard asked Gilbert what's going on with his hair these days. Gilbert said he's not going bald, it's just cut short.
Howard said that Melrose Larry Green did some research and found out that Gilbert is going to be 57 years old this year but he claims that he's only 51. Howard asked Gilbert if that's true. Gilbert says that he's 51 years old, that information isn't true. Artie said that Gilbert is the only comedian under the age of 70 who does a George Jessel impression so maybe he is that old. Gilbert went into that impression and did that for a short time. Howard said he remembered the album that Gilbert was getting his material from.
Gary asked Gilbert what year he graduated high school. Gilbert said he didn't graduate high school. Howard moved on and asked Gilbert how he feels owning his own apartment these days. Gilbert can't answer anything seriously so he was joking about every answer he gave. Howard wondered if he ever drops that persona and talks to his girlfriend about loving her.
Gilbert laughed as Howard was asking him questions about his relationship with his girlfriend. Howard asked him if he ever goes down on his girlfriend. Gilbert said he could count on his hands how many times he's done that in his life. He said that most people don't want to do that with him. He also said that he's not doing that many imaginative things in his sex life these days.
Gilbert said he does like a blow job now and then. He said that he prefers complete darkness when he's having sex. He said he doesn't even care if he sees the girl he's with. Howard said he was learning so much from him this morning. Howard heard that Gilbert was seen walking down the street with a baby carriage. Gilbert joked that it was another part of his sex life but then said that he has a nephew and he takes him out for walks sometimes. Howard said that was kind of heart warming to him.
Howard said he hardly even knew that Gilbert had a sister but he did remember meeting her at the hospital one time when Gilbert was in. Gilbert said that he didn't want to show up and see his nephew get his dick cut off at the briss. Gilbert had no desire to go see the baby being born but he did visit the hospital afterward.
Howard asked Artie how his DVD sales are going. Gilbert laughed and went into his Artie impression since Artie was the one who gave him some advice on how to put that DVD together. Artie admitted that he may have been on heroin at the time. Howard gave him a plug for his web site GilbertGottfried.com where you can buy that DVD and read Gilbert's blog.
Gilbert said he's not sure if he'll keep up on that blog because he doesn't even know what that is. Howard read part of one of his blogs where he talked about being on a flight with Stevie Wonder. Gilbert said he asked why Stevie needed a window seat and suggested that they put him back in coach because he wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
Howard said he saw that Gilbert was on a 10 must unsexy man list at number one. The list also included the following, from 10 to 1...
Howard asked Gilbert about this article that was written recently where Paul Reubens claims that he didn't get a job on Saturday Night Live because Gilbert got the job and they were both the same types of people. Gilbert worked on SNL but he says he hated working there. Everyone hated the show back then because it was after the original cast left. It was a disaster after that happened. Gilbert said that things didn't go very well and he couldn't wait to get off the show.
Gilbert was there when Piscopo, Eddie Murphy, Charlie Rocket, Denny Dillon, Gail Methyus and Gail Grisley were there. Gilbert didn't have a signature bit like some of the guys did. He said he was doing less and less on the show and actually played a dead body in one sketch. He would just show up and do whatever he had to. He never did his dracula impression on that show so Howard was kind of surprised at that.
Howard asked Gilbert if he has any regrets in his career. Gilbert laughed and said 'everything.' Howard asked him why he doesn't go on one of these reality TV shows. Gilbert said he actually did one of them recently. He said he realized it was basically the end of his career. He said that he was offered The Surreal Life but he turned that down because it was too low even for him. He did the show with Traci Lords. It was a bunch of celebrities who spent the night in an abandoned insane asylum. They were all wearing ghost buster outfits and they were trying to scare them in there.
Gilbert said that they were pushing stuff on them trying to convince them that there were ghosts in the place. He said he thinks they had the black Ghost Buster on the show but he's not sure how that went since he didn't work with him. Howard asked if he felt this was the worst thing he's ever done. Gilbert said he called his agent and tried to get out of the deal before they started filming but it was too late already. He told Howard about the way they tried to scare everyone by sending them into rooms that were dark and down in the basement. He said that when he was asked why he didn't want to go into the basement he told them that it was dark and he could fall and crack his head open. He didn't have any fear of ghosts.
Gilbert and Artie talked about their agents and how they used to share the same guy for a while. Gary came in sand said it's a good thing he's got this agent Conan now because he will book Gilbert for shows without hesitation. Years ago Gilbert would have to think about it before coming in. Now this guy just books him.
Artie told Gilbert about Jackie the Joke Man's new show that's called ''Jackie's Joke Hunt.'' Gilbert seemed to find that funny.
Howard put the word out that they're trying to find some people for America's Hottest Ex-Convict. He said that they've already been getting pictures from women and they have a really cute 21 year old who has already entered. You can find out more about that at HowardStern.com. Howard also got in a couple of plugs for Gilbert's comedy shows at Carolines on Broadway which is happening tomorrow night.
Howard bragged that he had seen Stevie Wonder on a flight one time just like Gilbert did. He also said that he was very impressed when he had Shaun Robinson sitting next to him on one flight. Robin said they also saw Jennifer Aniston on a flight one time but Howard wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of bringing her name up. He said he's not a fan of hers.
Gilbert brought up Brad Pitt and wondered why he would want to get stuck with either Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston for any period of time. He said if he were him, he would be banging other chicks. Howard said he thinks that Brad Pitt has gotten himself in trouble staying with Angelina. Now he's knocked her up and he's going to be stuck with her even longer.
Gilbert said that he always felt the same way about John F. Kennedy Jr. who would get stuck in a relationship when so many other women out there wanted him. Gary came in and interrupted to ask about Gilbert's web site. Fred played the Godfather theme Baba Booey song parody so he had to stand there for a minute while that played through.
Gary said that last year when Gilbert was on Gilbert was selling an autographed book for $24 but this year it has shot up to $30. Gilbert said that he looked at his career and figured it would be worth the extra money for people to pay that much.
Howard said he had to go to break after that but thanked Gilbert for sharing all of that stuff with him. Gilbert quickly told another story and ended up going into his Jewish prayer impression and had Howard laughing his ass off at that. Howard took a phone call for Gilbert. The caller said it was good to hear Gilbert on SIRIUS and he was looking forward to hearing him during Robin's news today.
Steve also mentioned the story they're doing about Jackie the Joke Man returning to the Stern family next week with his own show ''Jackie's Joke Hunt'' He's also going to be doing the Gary Roast and they'll be talking to him about that. They'll also be talking to Grover about the roast material he's trying to put together for The Gary Roast.
Howard asked the guys how Katie Couric's evening news is doing these days. Gary told him that she's down to number 2. Robin also read that she was down at number 2 as well. Langford got in a mention of the Stiletto 100 that's going to be available at the beginning of October.
Jon Hein came in and gave his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be talking to JD about his porn star experiences. They'll also be talking about Gilbert Gottfried's visit. They had some other things that they'll be talking about during that show as well.
Steve The Intern came in with his show preview. They have a former intern by the name of Mike who worked there back in 1998. He will be sharing his stories about working for the show and how Howard slashed up the painting that his mother did for him. Howard said he looked at that picture and said it wasn't art and slashed it up and threw it in the garbage. The Intern Show airs tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from fans who wanted to talk to Gilbert. One guy said that he saw Gilbert at the hospital when he was there for his sister's baby's birth. Another guy started to ramble so Howard hung up on him and went to commercial break.
Gilbert went into his 'Old Groucho Marx' impression and talked about how sad it was to see him when he was older. He had the guys laughing at the impression. He said that it was both sad and fascinating at the same time when he'd watch the guy in that condition.
Howard had Robin start her news and played a new Robin song called ''Sausage in her Butthole'' to the tune of The Police's ''Message in a Bottle.''
Howard read an e-mail from a fan who wasn't too happy about Jackie the Joke Man's show coming to Howard 101. He just wants that guy erased from his memory. He threw in a few other e-mails once in a while during Robin's news. Gilbert was also there throwing in his comments during the news stories. He even did a great impression of Martin Scorsese at one point after Robin mentioned him in a story.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show talking about how busy they were going to be today. He said that Red Peters, John Stamos and Nick and Aaron Carter would all be stopping by. They'll also be doing the football pool picks. He said that tonight on Howard 101 they have the Superfan Roundtable coming up. That led to Howard talking about how SternFanNetwork is battling HowardShrine.com and according to Alexa.com, HowardShrine is pulling ahead of SternFanNetwork in traffic.
Howard and the guys said they didn't even know about the HowardShrine web site. Howard said he's avoided SFN lately because he takes that stuff too seriously. He said Ross Zapin was reading the site and giving him some feedback so that's what led to him going over there and checking it out. Artie said that Sal and Bob Levy use that site a lot as well.
Howard said they should interview Mutt and the guy from HowardShrine.com to find out what's going on there. Jon Hein came in and told Howard that the HowardShrine guy believes that SFN is getting all of the credit for representing the Stern Fans when there are actually other web sites out there that also represent the show. Howard said that maybe they should have a seat on the Superfan Roundtable for the guy from HowardShrine.
Jon said that Mutt does try to mix it up on the Superfan Roundtable and he does have guests who are not on SFN but he hasn't had anyone from HowardShrine.com
Howard said that on this week's Nip/Tuck they had Melissa Gilbert on the show and she had her breast whipped out. The story was that she had her nipple ripped off by her dog. The dog had been licking her because she was putting peanut butter on her to get the dog to lick her. The guys talked about that for a short time.
Jessica Hahn called in and told Howard what's going on with the HowardShrine and SternFanNetwork. She said that this guy who runs HowardShrine used to be on SFN but he went off on his own and started his own site. She said that the guy is a little scary because he has a real shrine for Howard. She said she's just chiming in as a fan and that was her view on what was going on.
Howard went into his discussion about the Jewish Yom Kippur events and what that's all about. He gave everyone the details about why the Jews have bad breath on these weekends during this time of year. He told the stories as he knew them.
Howard said he can't wait for the Master Tape Theater thing on Monday. He said he met Sir Harden Thicke and told him he should concentrate on the first 10 years of the show. That way they can run the shows in full and hear everything that went on without censoring them. He said they did get chopped up over the years thanks to the FCC but now they can be played in full.
Howard said he was very tired this morning because he was up so late. He was watching TV until about 10:30 last night. He's also been having trouble with his cable TV so he missed out on Dancing with the Stars. He did hear that Harry Hamlin got booted off the show and that was enough about that show.
Artie and Gary got into some discussions about the NY Mets and what they're up to this season. During that discussion Howard cut the guys off and said he had a phony phone call to play. Richard called a porn movie store and asked for a bunch of gay porn movies using audio clips of Mike Walker to help. The guy said he had a couple of the movies but Richard had Mike asking gay questions and making gay comments to the guy.
Howard said they have a library of phony phone calls that rivals the phony phone call library in Washington DC... if one existed. Howard said Sal came up with a call where he had a telemarketer call him and pretended that he had a dog nipping at him after getting out of the shower. The dog was supposed to be biting his balls and his ass. He eventually had the dog licking his penis while the woman read through her script.
Howard wondered if that stuff goes through Sal's mind all the time. The guys were pretty sure that is what goes through his head. Howard said he likes these calls that the guys are making. He had another one where they used clips of Ronnie the Limo Driver to ask a woman to come down there and get topless. Instead of just hanging up the woman stays on the line and argues with him.
Howard said that he doesn't believe for a minute that Howard K Stern is the father of her new child either. He spent a minute talking about that and asked how that guy got to become a lawyer. Robin said that he was in a law firm that represented Anna Nicole in the case against the family of the guy she was married to and she thinks she got kicked out of that firm.
Artie started in with Alice a short time later trying to insult her. Alice then started to go off on him even more. It was like starting a car, she started out slow but then started getting faster and faster as she was going off on him. Artie was calling her names and saying that she's enormous and she should get up and exercise.
Alice was even going off on the fans of Artie because they're a bunch of faggots too. She was goofing on Artie and calling him fat and many other names. She thinks he's ugly and she hopes that something bad happens to him. She said she just wanted to give her picks but Howard played one of the prank calls the guys made using her audio clips.
Alice said that the last time Artie missed a meal was when Jesus died, that's how fat he looks to her. Artie shot back with some fat jokes about her as well but Howard moved on to her picks for this weekend's games. Alice was still going off on Artie and saying that she hopes that Jackie is in there the next time she visits.
Alice said that she doesn't want Artie in the studio when she comes up there. She will be there if she wins the $25,000 prize in this football pool. Howard thinks that she would feel bad if Artie died from an overdose or something. She said that the Devil doesn't feel for God so she doesn't feel anything for Artie.
Howard asked Alice for her picks again so she was almost ready to do that until they started her in on Artie again. She eventually gave her picks though. She's going with the Dallas Cowboys this weekend. Artie laughed and told her that was a good pick ''lunatic.'' He was just doing that to get a rise out of her. It worked because she was still going off on him.
Howard was going to let Alice go but she had more to say. She had a list of the best looking guys in the studio. She said that it started with Will then went Fred, Sal, Benjy, Richard, Howard and Gary. She said she didn't care about what Artie thought about the list and continued to ramble. Artie said that he would rather fuck a sasquatch than Alice. She didn't hear him because she was yelling at him without taking a break between words. Artie told her that he would rather fuck a rancid manatee that had washed up on shore. She was still yelling as Howard hung up on her.
Howard played a couple of Crazy Alice bits before moving on to the next football pool pick. Big Foot Mark was the next one up. He's in second place behind Alice. Big Foot said that he's getting a little help from his manager for his picks but he's just getting the point spread from his manager. He said that he's picking the Vikings this weekend. He said he had some bad news and said that he's going to be moving again and he'll have a new number. Howard and Robin told him not to give it out on the air though because they'll never get to him if he did that. Big Foot said that he's got too much company coming to see him so he has to get out of the hotel that he's in right now. Howard let him go and played a song they had him sing where he mumbled most of the words. He also played a prank call he made to a woman claiming that her cat was shitting in his yard.
Howard got Elegant Elliot Offen on the phone. He's got a DVD that he's selling and you can find out more about that at GangsterTalk.us. Elliot got in a few plugs for the deal they have going this week to get a free manuscript if you buy the DVD. He also said that you can get the DVD at The Funny Store at 693 8th Ave in New York City. He gave out a ton of phone numbers and mentions for where you can get the DVD.
Howard asked Elliot for his pick for this weekend. Elliot was rambling on and on about some nonsense saying that he doesn't know all that much about football but he knows a lot about the human body. Elliot's pick for this week will be the Cincinnati Bengals. He said he knows that the spread is 7 points. Howard heard that Elliot had been pulled over by the cops this morning. Elliot said that he pulled over to talk to them on the side of the NJ Turnpike, he didn't get pulled over. Elliot got in a few more plugs for his web site and then Howard let him go.
Artie and Elliot are tied for last place in the pool. Artie said he's going with the Saints this weekend. Howard wrapped up with that and got in a plug for BetUS.net who is sponsoring this pool. He went to break a short time later.
John talked about working on 'E.R.' and how much fun he's having over there. He's not even sure why the employ him over there. Howard heard that John has this very hot publicist and wondered if John thinks that he's a sex addict. John said he doesn't think that's the case. Howard said John got into trouble the last time he was on the show after talking about some of the women he's dated. He had mentioned that he had sex with Denise Richards and she got on him about that.
John said that he kind of put himself into that situation and he should have known better. He said that Ralph told him that Robin told him that she didn't find him interesting until that last appearance. Howard said that John is one of those guys who goes out and pollinates every flower he can out there. John said that he's been staying off the booze lately and that helps keep him from banging every chick out there.
John talked to Artie a little bit about his heroin addiction. He said he was flying with Bernie Brillstein last night and they were talking about John Belushi and how Artie is kind of heading down that road. Artie said that Brillstein is a great guy to talk to and they should have him on the show sometime.
Howard read that John had slept with Sheryl Crowe so he asked him about that. John said he met her just once years ago and he didn't sleep with her. That story was made up according to John. Howard asked him if he's banging anyone on 'E.R.' because he must be getting a lot of chicks since starting that show. John said that things are different out in Los Angeles. He said he goes to work and then goes home. Howard said that's bullshit because Ralph has been to his house out there and he's always got about five girls hanging out there.
Howard had an audio clip of John being interviewed on E! and he asks the interviewer if she's wearing a bra. John said that she's a friend of his so it wasn't a big deal. John changed subjects and talked about how hot one of his co-stars on 'E.R.' is.
Howard and John talked about the infamous night that their girlfriend got naked in Howard's apartment. Gary said that their stories had changed since it was originally told on the air. Howard kind of dropped the subject and said that John tends to get angry if he doesn't have hot chicks hanging out with him. John said that's not true.
John talked about working on 'E.R.' a little more and how much he's enjoying it. He talked about doing a love scene for the show with Parminder Nagra and how he 'almost' popped a boner while doing the scene. Howard talked about filming 'Private Parts' and how he popped a rod while doing some of the scenes in that. He said he had one in the bath tub scene. He said he had to go jerk off twice that day to try and keep it from popping. He said Betty Thomas told him that he had better get a handle on that so that's why he went to his dressing room and jerked off.
Howard said that John is in the ''My Bitter Half'' radio sitcom that Sam Simon created for them. Howard said they have an air date but he didn't say when that was.
A phone caller asked John if he's ever had a girl with a stinky pussy. John said that he doesn't talk about stuff like that. John did say that the women he's been with haven't had that problem. Howard said that's because he's dating starlets at this point. Howard had caught some smells while at strip clubs and things like that. He said that Beth won't be near him without taking a bath though so he's never had a problem with her.
Artie suggested that he and John hang out. John said he was trying to get his number from Ralph one day because he was hanging out with Don Rickles. He wanted to call him but it never happened. He said that Rickles is a great guy to hang out with and they hang out pretty often. Artie said that Rickles did call him but he wasn't home at the time so he missed the call.
Howard said he would feel really awkward if he was asked to go out to dinner with Don Rickles. He said he did go out to dinner with Steve Martin twice but they didn't really get together after those two times. He hangs out with Billy Joel once in a while but Billy spends most of his time talking to Beth. Artie said that he would feel a lot of pressure hanging out with Steve Martin.
John said that he gets jealous hearing about Howard hanging out with Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. Howard doesn't hang out with him at his house like he does with them. John asked Artie about his heroin addiction and what that was like. Artie said the feeling of the heroin is amazing but once you're on it you feel like things are hopeless. He also mentioned the drug that he used to get off the heroin and how remarkable that was.
The phone caller that Howard had on the line asked John if he's ever jerked off to a mental image of Beth. John said he's never done that. Then John asked Artie if he would be okay with him if he went out with Dana. Artie said that she'd probably be thrilled. Howard said that she's only interested in guys like Artie. Artie laughed and said that he's pretty sure she'd bang John.
Howard asked the guys to bring in the publicist that was there with John. John said she may not want to come in. Gary came in a short time later and said that she won't come in. Howard told him to let her know that he'll be a gentleman with her.
Eric the Midget called in but John's publicist and another woman came walking in at that moment so he had to have him hold. Howard asked the girls about if they had to fight over who got to handle John. They talked about how cool it was to find out they were going to be working with him. Then Howard started asking some personal questions but Artie asked the guys how her face was because he hadn't gotten up that high yet. Gary told Howard that John has never shown up with a gay publicist and most of the male publicists out there are gay.
Gary said that they had to get going to do another show but John said that they had plenty of time. Ralph called in a short time later and John asked how he got to be the hero of 'My Bitter Half.' Howard asked when that show is supposed to air and Gary said that it will be either October 18th or 19th, he had to talk to Howard about that.
Ralph told a story about how he was trying to work his magic with this chick when John walked in the room and stole her away from him within seconds. Howard had to let John go after that since his publicists told them they had to get going. He gave John a plug for 'E.R.' and then went to break.
Howard said that these two have really lived life so far. Aaron said that he had to thank his brother because he got to listen to him having sex in his room when he was like 11 years old. The two of them are doing a reality TV show for E! with their 3 sisters. They don't live with their parents because they're estranged from their mother and their father isn't that close either.
Howard went to his notes and read about how easy they seemed to have gotten laid. Nick was in the Backstreet Boys and his mother was the one who pushed him into that. He said he wanted to thank her on one hand and hated her on the other because of that. He said that he was in that band when he was just 12 years old. He was like the big bread winner in the family until he turned 18, then it was Aaron's turn.
Howard said that after he got into the Backstreet Boys he must have been set for life. Nick said he wasn't going to blame anyone for not having the money he should have had. He said he's still set up pretty good but he's not going to cry over spilled milk. Howard told him he should be upset because it's a one in a million chance to have a successful thing like that. It was his money and he deserves it all.
Aaron said he witnessed the money going out the window when he was still at home. Nick said they figure that there's about $5-6 million missing. Howard said that Nick scored with Paris Hilton so that's a pretty major score for him. Nick said that she used to be paranoid about listening to Howard's show because Rick Solomon was on the show one time. He said that she listened to that but Howard really got under her skin.
Nick said that Paris used to be really cool to him but then she eventually started turning her nose up to him. He also got freaked out when she accused him of beating her. That wasn't true and it drove him kind of nuts. He said that his father taught him that it's wrong to hit a woman. He said he never saw his father hit his mother but he got the feeling that there was something going on there.
Nick said that the way you get a Paris Hilton is to hold out and not do her on the first date. Howard figured that Nick was getting laid a lot while he was in the Backstreet Boys. Nick actually lost his virginity to a teacher. He was only 16 at the time. Howard knew the story so he filled Robin in on it. The woman was Debbie Lafave, the woman who eventually got accused of having sex with one of her students. Howard said that was a great story and he didn't know that he had lost his virginity to her. Howard said she's the one who was just in the news recently getting interviewed by Matt Lauer. Nick said that he hopes this doesn't get him in trouble. He went on to tell a story about how he broke up with Debbie because she admitted to have cheated on him with a chick.
Gary came in and said that someone sent him an article about Aaron that was pretty interesting. Howard told him they weren't up to Aaron yet so they held off on that one. Howard got back to Nick and asked him if he felt bad for Debbie when she got caught and arrested for banging her student. Nick said he doesn't think she's got mental problems and he doesn't feel sorry for her at all.
Howard asked Nick more about going out with Paris Hilton. Nick said he held out for about 2 and a half weeks before banging her. They went down to the Bahamas and that's where they ended up doing it. Howard said it must have been great when he did finally get her. Nick said that it was good until they started growing apart. Nick said he doesn't believe in marriage but Aaron said that's not true, he once said that Paris was the type of woman he wanted to marry.
Howard read that Nick also banged Willa Ford, whose name is actually Mandy according to Nick. He said that she was pretty good but Debbie was probably the best. He said that some of the best sex he's had has been with regular girls though.
Howard found out that Nick could have had Jessica Simpson and also had a shot at Mandy Moore but she was too young at the time. He moved on to Aaron after that.
Howard told the guys that he thinks that Lindsay Lohan is hot and wondered why no one can stay with her. Aaron told Howard to look behind him because there was fire on the TV screen. He was referring to her 'fire crotch'' that has been mentioned by other celebrities. He said that he just never went that far with her.
Howard said that Aaron divorced his parents. He said that his parents were always buying stuff using his money so he had to get out of there so they couldn't do that anymore. He said it was going on for a long time and they had more stuff than they even had. He said he went out and saw his mother for Mother's day because his sister told him that she was kind of losing it. He said it was kind of awkward for him to see her after everything that had gone on. He said that she wanted to go out and buy a hot dog stand and run that. She was trying to make them feel guilty.
Howard asked if their mother asks for something whenever they get on the phone with her. Aaron said that is the case and he really doesn't want to feel that when he talks to her. Aaron said that his brother wasn't allowed to hang out with him after he left home but as soon as he turned 18 he was out of the house and hanging out with his brother again.
Howard said that Aaron was hanging out with Michael Jackson for a while so he was wondering how that came about. Aaron said that nothing went on there and Howard is all wrong about that. He said he was 15 years old when he was hanging out with Michael and he never bought him a car like Howard had read. He said that he went to his house and hung out. There was kind of weird hanging out with him but he was a nice guy. Howard asked Aaron if he ever smoked weed or drank ''Jesus Juice'' with him. Aaron swore that stuff never happened. He said that Chris Tucker was also there and nothing strange went on as far as he knows. He said that Michael never suggested a sleep over or anything like that.
Gary said that he has a theory that Michael has some kids there to mess with and others to jerk off to later. Gary also read that Bruce Willis bought Aaron a million dollars worth of gifts but Aaron said that's not true either. He said he's friends with Bruce and his kids. He said his daughters have come to his shows and stuff like that and he's hung out with them. Bruce gave him a jacket but that was about it. The car ended up getting stolen in Miami and that jacket was in there so he doesn't have it anymore.
Robin asked Aaron about this Playboy Playmate that he asked to marry him recently. Aaron said that he proposed to her but he came around and realized it was a bad idea pretty quick. Nick had also dated her before Aaron did. Howard showed the guys some pictures of her and she was really hot. Aaron said he knew that she was hot. Things didn't work out though so they're no longer engaged.
Howard asked Aaron about dating Brooke Hogan. He said that they were romantic together but only kissed. They didn't go any further than that. Howard asked Aaron about that and found out he may try to go back to Brooke and maybe take it a little further.
Howard said he was getting the hi-sign from Gary so he had to wrap up with them. Howard said this publicity tour they're doing is very smart because he didn't know all of this stuff about them. He gave them a plug for their new show ''House of Carters'' which airs on E! starting October 2nd at 9pm. He said it sounds like a pretty wild life they're having so far. He said he wants to have them back on to talk more about their lives in the future. Howard let them go and went to break after that.
Howard said that Bruce has a new CD box set out called ''Intersections 1985-2005.'' He said that Bruce was going to perform ''That's Just The Way It Is'' for them. Bruce said ''Oh I am, am I?'' like he wasn't going to do it. Howard told him he was going to put him in the RoboSpanker if he didn't play that song.
Bruce talked about how he sold a song to a commercial production company so he will get paid some good money for residuals on that commercial. He said that Lowes is the company using his song and it should bring him some good money.
Howard read that Bruce used to prank call Jerry Garcia years ago and he would have him convinced he was on the radio with a guy down in New Orleans. He would jerk him around with that but he'd eventually tell Jerry who it was and he'd call him a weasel.
Howard read that Bruce didn't start playing piano until he was about 17 years old. Bruce was playing sports and doing other things in school before that. He said that he was in a high school that was almost split 50/50 black and white. He remembered playing a game one night when a couple of black guys threatened to cut him if he won the game that night so that has stuck with him since then.
Bruce said that he had a song he could sing for them about the first interracial relationship in his town but Howard told him to hold off on that. He was asking more questions about his influences and how he got into the piano thing. Bruce said he was self taught and picked up on that stuff pretty quick. He said he wrote some songs back when he was in high school but they weren't all that great back then.
Bruce said he spent about 7 years in bars and stuff without a record contract. Then one of his worst quality demo tapes was discovered and he was signed by a record company. He said that his friend Huey Lewis had gotten screwed over in his record deal so he kind of knew what to expect. He thought about taking a $40,000 deal and if things didn't work out he'd go back out on the road with Sheena Easton which is what he was doing back then. He said he was even in one of her music videos.
Howard asked Bruce if he ever watches porno. Bruce said he doesn't go out of his way to avoid it if it's playing on the tour bus. Howard got back to the story about the $40,000 deal he turned down. Bruce said that Huey called him and told him he wanted to record one of the songs that he was going to do. That's when Bruce realized that he was going to sell his songs to other people like Huey.
Howard gave Bruce some plugs for his upcoming tour and his web site BruceHornsby.com where you can find out all of the details. He then had Bruce perform ''That's Just The Way It Is.'' Bruce sang and played piano by himself with no interruptions from Howard or Robin.
Howard asked Bruce if that's fun for him still. Bruce said that's him just winging it. He doesn't like doing it the same way every time. Howard said he gets very sad when he hears the song. Bruce said it's really not a sad song though. He said he wrote it back in 1985 in his garage.
Bruce told Howard that you really need to know how to write music in this business to keep your career going. you can find many great singers out there but if they can't write songs it's tough to sell albums.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Bruce if he's upset with Sean Hannity about using his song for his theme song. Bruce said he was never pissed, he never heard how he was using the song. Bruce said that he did an interview with a newspaper and made a very general statement about the use of his music and he got a lot of negative e-mail about that. He said he was never really pissed off at Hannity though.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he's a super fan of his and has seen him about 18 times. He told Howard he should go see him because he really is great. He said watching him play is amazing and every time he performs a song it's different. Artie said that he saw Bruce in concert with the Grateful Dead back in the 80s. He
Gary said he went to see Bruce back in 1988 and hung out with him but he doesn't remember a thing about it. Howard said he was going to wrap things up and play some of his new album as they ended the interview. Bruce said he had fun coming in to play for them. Howard asked him about this one song on the album he was going to play called ''Gonna Be Some Changes Made.'' He played a little bit of the song and goofed on it a little bit while Bruce was still sitting in. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a phone call and ended up getting in another plug for Monday's Master Tape Theater where they'll be playing a classic show in full. The caller asked Howard why they didn't have more tickets to give away more tickets to the Gary Roast that's happening next week. Gary said they don't have much room and they had a lot of people coming in to perform at the event so they needed the room in the studio.
Howard also talked about the upcoming 'My Bitter Half'' show that Sam Simon created. Howard said he hopes that Sam will come in the day they play it.
Artie said he just got one of the new SIRIUS Stiletto's and he thinks it's pretty cool. Robin got one as well but she hasn't opened it up yet. Artie said it's really cool and he's going to give it a try on a flight he's taking this weekend. Howard said he was walking around the SIRIUS offices listening in and he thought that was pretty cool too.
Howard said that Red has a new song out called ''When I Jerk Of I Think Of You.'' Red said he thinks that this will open up discussions about masturbation. Howard was saying that he always goes to the same girl when he's jerkin off and he always goes to her when he blows his load. He can't help it, it just happens. Red said that he had a woman a few years ago that he goes to.
Howard was going to play Red's new song that's available at RedPeters.com and even through iTunes. Red said that this song took a while to write because they had to get everyone's views on masturbation. Howard told Red that they played a cool song called ''There Ain't Nothin Like a Good Hard Fuckin'' the other day. Red said he heard about that. Howard played it for him and Red seemed to like it. Richard came in and said that guy is Larry Pierce and he was just in the back office watching a story about the guy and how he got a record deal and started writing these dirty songs.
Howard played Red's new song for everyone and got a few laughs out of that. After the song Howard asked Red if his divorce is finalized. Red said it wasn't and this song probably wasn't going to help. Howard congratulated him on the new song and said that it's not easy to write that stuff. He gave Red some plugs for his radio show and the web sites and all of that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they caught him in a lie because he claims that he jerked off to Beth. Howard said that he jerks off to Beth but he just said he thinks about other chicks. Howard said he does jerk off to Beth but not all the time.
A caller asked Red if he was inspired by Frank Zappa. Red said he wasn't but he did open up for him back in 1972 in Boston. Howard took another call from a guy who said he loves Red's radio show (which airs Friday nights at 7pm). He also asked about a song called ''Do You Take It In The Ass'' which Red knew very well.
Ralph asked why the show is so over booked today. Howard said it's not overbooked, they just had a lot of guests today. Ralph thought that they had too many people in today. Gary told Ralph that they booked Bruce a month and a half ago and he was only available today, Nick and Aaron Carter were also only available today. He also said that John Stamos was in town and wanted to come in but Ralph said he heard that John was supposed to be in yesterday.
Ralph said that it's better when guests leave and they spend some time talking about them. He also reminded Howard that tonight is the premiere of ''Smallville.'' Howard and Robin were both excited about that because the season premieres are always good. Howard said there are some things he doesn't like about that show and they end up annoying him. He let Ralph go after that since he had Mike Walker waiting to come on.
Here's how the game goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
During the game Red let Mike know that he was a big fan of his fart that they play on the show all the time. Howard wrapped up after that and said he had a new song the guys created using the Jackass theme song and Mike Walker's fart. He played that and Red seemed to really enjoy it.
Jon Hein gave a quick rundown of what they'll be discussing on today's show. He went over many of the things that went on during today's show. Jon also got in a mention for the Friday Show where they'll be playing some old clips of John Stamos. They'll also have some other classic stuff to play on tomorrow's show.
Mutt from SternFanNetwork.com called in with his Superfan Roundtable preview. Mutt said that they'll be talking about Jackie starting his own show there at Howard 101. He said that the fans are mixed in there views on Jackie returning to the Stern Show family. Howard said a lot of people wanted Jackie back on the show so they're doing the next best thing and giving him his own show called ''Jackie's Joke Hunt.'' Red thought it was ''Jackie's Joe Cunt'' which is exactly what the joke was supposed to be.
Mutt said they'll also be talking about some of the other things that have been going on with the show lately. He said they'll also have a group of people talking about Sal and Richard's stand-up comedy. Howard let him go and then wrapped up with Red Peters and went to break.
Howard said he wanted to have Robin start her news but he saw that Artie was bumped from the TV show Cold Pizza because the Terrell Owens story was so important. That started off Robin's news since they were already talking about it.
Howard read some e-mail feedback about Andy Dick's show during Robin's news. Some people didn't like the show and bashed it pretty good. He also had some mail about JD trying to get Kimberly Kane the adult film actress. That led to the guys talking about how JD was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and his father called in and started goofing on him with the other guys. He also admitted that he used to be a crackhead.
Howard had JD come in to explain that but JD gave his typical 'I don't know' answer. He said that his father should keep that stuff off the air as far as he's concerned. JD said that it was after he was out of high school and stuff.
Howard had an audio clip from the Wrap Up Show so he played that. JD's father asked him what the fuck was going on with him. They didn't have the crack comment from him on Howard's computer so he just asked JD about what he knew. JD said that he's clean now but he was homeless for a while there. He doesn't think his father has a girlfriend right now though. He's the same age as Howard is according to JD. He said they're not exactly best friends these days but they get along.
Howard asked JD if he was wearing the same clothes he was wearing yesterday. JD said he was because he never went home to change. He said he was out late at the 'Borat' movie premiere so he never went home. He said that the movie was probably one of the best movies ever. He gave Howard a quick review of that before he went on his way.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon Hein, Gary Dell'Abate and Ralph Cirella were all sitting in for Howard today since he was out. Gary and the guys talked about the Casey Kasem clips that were playing at the start of the show. Jon said they had a ton of stuff to get to today. They had some clips of John Stamos from the K-Rock days, clips of George Takei talking to Billy West who was doing his Takei impression. He rattled off a bunch of other things they were going to play today as well.
John started off with a musical moment from 1998 with Willie Nelson. Howard, Fred, Jackie and Scott the Engineer (The Losers) all played with Willie in the studio.
The guys spent a short time talking about that performance. Ralph said that Scott the Engineer didn't sound so bad playing drums there. He wondered why Scott was kicked out. Gary said it's because Richard came around. Scott was in the studio so he spent a minute talking about the performance and how he did pretty good with some other performances as well. Gary said he got kicked out and replaced by an intern one time.
Scott said that the original line up was him, Stuttering John, Fred, Jackie and Howard. He wasn't sure where John was during that Willie Nelson performance.
Jon took a call from a guy who told him how great this show was and how great things are going with Howard 100 these days. Gary said that they'll have a lot of classic stuff to play on the Friday Show and on the reruns that they'll be playing in the coming months and years. Jon reminded everyone about Monday's Master Tape Theater where Sir Harden Thicke will be playing a full classic show.
The guys spent a little time talking about Howie's OCD and how he's had that for quite a while. Gary said that he was on the show back when they had this guy with a giant penis come on the show and after seeing the guy adjusting his penis constantly, he freaked out when the guy came over to shake his hand.
Gary talked about their ride and how Holly and Katie seemed to be surprised that the Sybian actually did what it was supposed to. The guys spent a short time on that and then moved on to another segment.
Jon played the audio where Howard would call out a song and the Bee Gees would perform a little bit of each song. After the clip Jon said that even if you don't like that band, they did sound great when they were performing those songs for Howard. They weren't doing their bad disco songs during that show either.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they've ever had any heavy metal guys on the show. Gary said that they tried to get Metallica on the show but they don't want to perform for them. Richard said the only one he remembers is Type O Negative as being the biggest heavy metal band. Richard was reminded that the band Stryper was also on the show. He said he seems to remember them being on the show for 2 or 3 hours that day.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the Bee Gees really were amazing back then. He also mentioned Jackie playing guitar in the Willie Nelson performance. That led to Jon talking about Jackie coming back to the Stern Show Family starting next Tuesday night. He'll also be part of the Gary Roast which is taking place on October 19th according to Gary.
Jon went to break and had the guys play another musical performance as they were going to commercial. It was a performance that the Electric Boys did on the show many years ago.
Gary said that was a very funny moment. He said there were some other performances like that over the years that he wants to pull to play on the show. Gary and Jon also talked about the time that Papa John was on the show and played them a little bit of the song Cocomo for them. That performance was from 1989.
Jon got back to the show and said they were going back to 1988 where Gary interviewed Robert Plant. Gary said that he was very excited about going to interview him but the questions that Howard had given him were awful. He said he got to go into his dressing room so it was just Gary and Robert one on one. He said he didn't have the balls that Stuttering John had so it was tough for him to ask the questions.
In the clip Gary talked about how nice Robert Plant was and how he had a good sense of humor for most of the questions. Howard played the tape of Gary's one on one interview and it started out pretty tame. Then he started asking some goofy questions but they weren't all that crazy compared to the stuff that Stuttering John would ask years later.
The guys spent a short time talking about how odd Gary sounded back then with the lisp he had. Jon took a phone call after that and the guy said Gary did sound strange and he wasn't quite sure what it was. Gary said he's not even sure what that was all about. He said he was a lot less confident back then so maybe that's what it was. Jon had to go to break after that.
After playing the clip Jon and the guys spent a short time talking about some of the stuff that was discussed in that segment. Ralph said that Howard was dying to tell that story back then and he wasn't all that upset that John brought it up on the air like Jon and Gary thought. Jon said that the story seemed to change about six times during that discussion alone. Ralph said he thinks that they were just having some innocent fun that night.
Jon said that they have pulled some other clips from an interview John Stamos did recently where Howard and John talked about those naked Polaroids that Howard still has. Gary asked Ralph if he has seen those pictures. Ralph said he thinks he's seen the pictures of Rebecca, but not the pictures of Beth.
Jon played another quick clip where Howard brought up how John was in the bathtub and showed Beth his penis. That wasn't brought up in that clip from 2001. There was another clip where John denied being a swinger as well. The guys talked about how that whole topless thing came about back when Howard and Beth were first starting to date. John played another quick clip where Stamos brings up the fact that there was another chick at the apartment that night when Rebecca and Beth were topless.
Gary said that he was talking to Howard yesterday and it's possible that they were mixing up two different visits when they bring some of the stories up from back then. Ralph said he thinks that there may have been two similar visits where they got topless and that's why they're confusing things.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that it sounded like innocent fun to her while she was listening to that stuff. Gary pointed out that having one of the hottest supermodels(Rebecca Romijn) in the world getting topless at your apartment isn't something that happens every day though. Jon took another call from a guy who said he's not sure they'll ever get all of the details and there are a lot of holes in their stories.
Alicia said that her sister was once part of a wet t-shirt contest when she was in high school so she shouldn't be telling her what's right and wrong. Jon asked her if she told her parents what she actually did on the show. She said she didn't give them all of the details of riding the Sybian. Gary said that he found out later that he kind of knows Alicia's father so that kind of creeped him out.
Gary said that he saw that Alicia had gone on this web site and said that she faked her orgasm. She said that the guy over at HowardShrine.com is creepy and made that up. She said she didn't fake her orgasm. She said she had an amazing time on the show and she liked doing what she did unlike what it says on her posting over there.
Alicia said her family was asking her about what she did on the show when she was on but she hasn't given out all of the details. Sal asked Alicia for her father's e-mail address so he could send him some pictures of her on the Sybian. That led to Gary bringing up the porn that Sal looks at on his computer. He said that Sal was looking at some really hairy Indian chicks and he told him that he likes to see 'real' women like that. Gary said her hair line went from her naval to her knees. Sal also likes to watch granny porn so they spent a minute talking about that. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on and said that they have some clips to play from the show that they're going to be playing on Monday for the Master Tape Theater show. He had a clip from April of 1996 where Fred threatens to walk off the show after Howard made one too many comments about his wife. That full show will be played next Monday morning during Master Tape Theater. It was all brought up after a phone caller told Howard about seeing Fred and his wife out at the Rainbow Room.
Gary said he forgot how much of an open wound that was for Fred back then. It was a really sore subject for him and he feels bad for Fred even now. He said that Howard keeps pushing Fred's buttons and it's hard to back away and see that.
Jon played another clip where Fred and his wife were telling Howard to get rid of that caller. Fred was really pissed at the guy for making the call because so much stuff came out on the air. Gary said that Fred eventually does walk off the show that day and you'll be able to hear that on Monday. Jon said that it's the whole show from beginning to end, not just a clip from the show. Gary said that he thinks they had that caller on the air a year later and Fred still wanted to kill him.
Ralph had the guys pay another clip where Joey Boots told Howard he was going to be taking flying lessons. Fred threw in some plane crashing sound effects during that discussion. After that he had another clip where George Takei was talking about taking poppers and Fred threw in some funny sound effects in there.
Gary said he heard that KC wanted to have a computer building contest against Jeff Schick from IBM. KC said he just wants to prove that he's smarter than he seems and he knows more about computers than even Jeff Schick does. Gary also spoke to Johnny Fratto and Johnny told him that KC backed out of going to Tokyo while they were waiting on line at the airport. KC said that it's Johnny who's afraid to fly, not him. He claims he didn't back out of the flight, he's got things he has to do there in California.
Gary said he's going to work on doing a computer trivia contest between KC and Jeff Schick. Sal played a couple of the KC song parody that Richard came up with years ago. They went to break after that.
Richard played some William Shatner clips as they were coming out of break where Shatner was doing a recording session and was corrected by the engineers. They played another one before moving on to some other things.
Jon played a clip from George Takei's latest visit to the show this week where Howard played the Sulu Dance song and George was sitting in the studio laughing at it. Howard also played some other George Takei bits during that segment and had George laughing quite a bit.
Jon and the guys talked about how cool George Takei is when he's on the show. Jon then moved on to a clip from 1994 where Billy West does his George Takei Jr. voice while George Takei was live via ISDN line. Back then it sounded like George was live in the studio at the time. Gary said there was no way to tell if George was having a good time or not while they were goofing around with him. Billy West was working on his impression throughout the interview. At times it was hard to tell the difference between him and Takei. He continued to do the voice even after they let George go.
Jon came back and said that there really wasn't any hint that George was gay back then. Gary said he had no idea back then that he was gay but other people would say that he did sound gay. It just never came across like he was gay to Gary.
Jon played another clip from 2002 where Howard played the Kidd Chris prank call to George Takei. Kidd Chris played the part of Ricardo Montalban in the call. That call is what inspired the Sulu Dance song parody. Gary said that call to George is a classic and they've played it so many times. He had the guys play a clip of Sting performing a medley of songs for Howard years ago and that was done over the ISDN line while Sting was in Japan. They played that as they went to break to show how great the technology was back then.
After her preview Jon and the guys were talking about how Jessica does subway announcements for the NY City Subway. Ralph was interested in going over to an appearance that Jessica Biel is making right out near the building they work out of. The news department was wiling to let Ralph go down there as a Howard 100 News reporter if he wanted to get an interview with her. Jon told him to go ahead and go down there but Ralph said he wasn't going to appear desperate by running down there right now.
Jon moved on to a clip from 1989 where Crazy Alice visited the studio for the first time. She told Howard about why she's so angry with black people. She also
The guys spent a minute talking about how they could hear the anger deep inside Alice back then but she wasn't letting it all out like she does these days. Jon had another clip from a recent show where everyone on the show talks about the crazy people they've had on the show over the years. Howard says he's fascinated by out of control people.
Gary and Ralph spent a short time talking about the nutty people they've had on the show and how much Howard seems to like it. Jon had a clip of another nutty guest, Elegant Elliot Offen, from the first time he was on the show. That was from 2000 and he was much more calm back then. His crazy side only came out a little bit during that segment.
After playing that clip High Pitch Eric called in because he was on the show that day that Elliot was on. Eric still doesn't like Elliot and bad mouthed him in his call. Jon had to go to break after talking to Eric for a short time.
Jon moved on to the next segment which was a replay of a bit from 1997 where Amy Heckerling was in and talked to her nanny about her problems with Gilbert Gottfried.
Jon and Gary talked about how great Gilbert is on the show. Gary said that his wife doesn't like the way he beats a joke to death but Gary said that's what he likes about him.
Ralph was on the phone so John got him on and asked what was going on over at the Jessica Biel thing. He said he was kicked out of the place and no one would let them talk to Jessica. Ralph said that Jessica showed up an hour late and they were now blocking their view inside the store. He said they had a lot of security there so he, Lisa G, Jason and JD were all there trying to see her. Ralph said he was just trying to meet her and Lisa G was trying to help but they weren't allowing any press into the store.
Lisa G got on the phone and said that they had their chance to interview her because Jessica walked right past them about 2 feet away and they just locked up and didn't say anything to her. Ralph said that they were told not to interview her so that's why he didn't say anything to her. Ralph said they'd keep trying to work on that interview. Jon let him go and went to commercial break.
Gary said the bit didn't really work but it was kind of funny how they could hear the slot machines in the background as Daniel was speaking to the woman.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought the bit was good. He said it may not be good enough for Howard's show though. Another caller said that Daniel Carver is too ignorant to go along with the bit so that's why he thinks it didn't work. Another caller said that Daniel didn't get mad enough during that bit so it didn't work for him. Hook Nose Mike called in and said that he thought the premise sounded good but the bit went on a little too long. That was it for Sal and Richard's rejected bits. Jon went to another break right after that.
Ralph said he was going to ask Jessica what she thinks about being on Ralph Cirella's hottest chick list. If she had asked him who Ralph Cirella is, he would have said ''I am...'' They were actually inside the store at one point but they ended up getting kicked out. JD said that they could have gotten an interview with her because she was standing outside with her entourage. They eventually got kicked out of the store and Jessica went in.
Ralph said that she wasn't dipping strawberries in chocolate like someone said. He said she was just there as a press opportunity. She was standing at the counter just looking at the candy according to Ralph. Gary said that JD was wearing jeans and sneakers and this Howard 100 News, mustard yellow, jacket. JD said as soon as he walked in that store all eyes were on him.
Jon wrapped up the show and asked the guys what they're up to this weekend. JD is going out on a date with a porn star. Richard is on his way to Florida to go to Universal Studios to go on their Halloween rides. He's going down there with his girlfriend and Ralph was thinking about going with him as well. Richard said he's booked up for every weekend in October going to various Halloween things around the country.
Sal is out doing some comedy shows this weekend. Ralph doesn't have much of anything going on. Gary is doing the family guy thing and hanging around with his kids. Jon will be doing the same with his family. They ended the show around 10:35am.
Who's to blame, Eva's ''people'' or Eva herself? Was she so disgusted with the close-to-300-pound Lange that she couldn't bare to spend another 15 minutes in Kimmel's studio? Was she afraid he'd eat her like a Devil Dog if she sat too close? Who knows... it sure made her come off like a stuck-up f'ing bitch in my eyes.