Howard went on to talk about some of this weeks upcoming guests before taking his first break of the morning. Howard said they'll have Carmen Electra, Insane Clown Posse, Brian Dunkleman, Daniel Carver and a bunch of porn stars later in the week.
After the break Howard said it was extremely hot in the studio this morning. It's usually cold in the winter so he doesn't know what to wear. He said he was sweating like crazy this morning. Howard also mentioned that sometimes he scratches his armpit and the E! guys always show that on the TV show. He asked them to please cut away to Artie's bald spot or something instead. Artie said he'd be willing to take that hit.
Howard said he watched the marathon yesterday and he's amazed that people can finish in 3 hours and 23 minutes. He said they have to be cheating and cutting off the last 3 miles or something. He seems to think he could run a 26 mile marathon in 4 hours or so. Howard said he saw a guy with one leg start in 3 hours and 23 minutes. Howard said the handicapped runners had a 2 hour head start though. Artie said he can't even imagine running 26 miles. Howard said Artie can't even walk that far. Howard said he thinks he could run the marathon but he'd be afraid that he'd be one of the people who collapse near the end.
Howard said he rented a movie over the weekend called ''Near Dark'' that's about 10 years old. He said it must have just be released again on DVD and Entertainment Weekly wrote a review of it. Robin knew the movie and said she enjoyed it. Howard liked it too. Howard said he also rented ''Insomnia'' and loved it. He said it made a great rental. He said Al Pacino was really good and even Robin Williams was good in his part. Robin said she rented ''Frailty'' and enjoyed that movie. Howard said he had a third movie but wasn't able to sit through that many movies.
A listener called in and said there's no way Howard could run a 4 hour marathon. Howard said he used to run 15 miles but couldn't remember the time. Howard said he thinks that he used to run 6 miles in 48 minutes but he wouldn't be able to keep that up for a whole marathon. Howard and the caller talked about some of the runners who are fat or old that are able to run the marathon under 4 hours. They talked about how Melrose Larry Green can run one while writing and holding those signs he holds up. Gary came in and said that Melrose used to run a shorter race with them and he'd run it backwards and still finish ahead of the guys on the show. Howard said he doesn't see the purpose of the marathon so he doesn't think he'd ever do it. He said he admires people who can do it but it doesn't prove anything. He said people used to think he was nuts for running 12 to 15 miles a couple of years ago. Robin said she thought Howard was training for the marathon back then. Howard said he was training but he just never went all the way with it.
Howard said he took care of an English Bulldog over the weekend. A guy who works at the station once in a while let Howard take the dog for the weekend. Howard said the dog is about 80 pounds and it's name is Sammy the Bull. He said that the guy packed up a suitcase full of the dogs toys and stuff like that. Howard said wherever he went there were women going nuts over it. He took the dog for a walk for 20-25 minutes right after the dog got there. It didn't do anything so he took it back to his apartment. He said the dog just stared at him the whole time. Howard said the dog played catch with him for a while. He said he'd throw a ball to the dog and it would roll it back. Howard went on to say that the dog took a dump on his carpet the size of Mount Rushmore. Howard said luckily the dump was ''dry'' and it didn't stick to his carpet. Howard figured the dog might have to go pee after that so he took him for another walk. The dog still didn't go for another 20 minutes. He brought the dog back up to the apartment and took a nap. Beth took the dog and ended up taking it for a walk. The dog never went pee. Howard said he took the dog over to Beth's apartment and walked the dog some more. Still no pee. Howard also said he didn't feed the dog because he was told not to feed it at night. Howard had the dog back up at the apartment later on and it wanted to play ball again. Howard said ''No!'' to the dog and it went over and peed by his office. Howard said the dog then laid down and cried like a baby. Howard said the dog was just out of it. Howard called the owner of the dog, Virgin, and this was the first time he ever left it with someone else. The dog usually lives in a house, not an apartment, so walking it on the streets of New York City probably messes with it's head. After all of that Howard was thinking that maybe he shouldn't get a dog but Beth really wants him to get it because she wants to take care of it. Howard said he was all shook up over the whole thing. Artie was impressed that Howard has a chick that's willing to pick up dog crap for him. Artie said he can't even get a chick to buy him a beer. Howard said the dog was great otherwise. He said that was his whole Saturday.
Saturday night Howard said he and Beth went to program director Steve Kingston's house. Howard said he likes the guy a lot but doesn't socialize with him much. He said Steve likes to talk business when they go out so he doesn't want to do that very often. Howard talked about Steve's dog and how he had to send it to a doggy boot camp, that cost him $150 a day, to train the dog. Howard went on to talk about going to Steve's house that's out in New Jersey. Howard said he didn't want to spend the night in New Jersey but he told Steve he'd do it. Howard said it was supposed to be just Steve, his wife, Beth and him. Howard said Steve's wife works as a morning DJ on Z100 in New York. Howard said the story about Steve and his wife hooking up was pretty interesting but he's not sure if he's allowed to talk about it. He said Steve was Patty's boss at some station down in Pittsburgh and she was married to the guy she was working with. Steve ended up stealing her away somehow but he didn't want to give all of the details without Steve's permission. Robin said she was dying to know the details. Howard told Gary to call Steve to find out if it's okay to talk about it.
A short time later Gary said it was okay for Howard to tell the story. Howard continued the story and said that Patty and her husband's marriage was already falling apart at the time so Steve waited until the right time. Howard still wasn't comfortable talking about it so he said Steve should tell it instead.
Howard went on to talk about going to Steve's house and how there were more people there than he expected. A couple of other DJs and some other guys were there. Howard said they pulled up to this house and it was like a mansion. Howard said the place is like over 100 years old but it was restored. Howard said they have a bartender at the house so everyone started drinking as soon as they got there. Howard said DJ Booker had about 4 drinks within a half hour of getting there. They were all taken on a tour of the house. He said Steve was all pumped up and Patty was talking about how their daughter saw a ghost in the house and stuff like that. Howard said they had a bunch of snacks before going out and Howard thought it would be more fun to just hang out at his house. Howard said Steve has all kinds of classic cars and he maintains them himself. He also takes care of his kids before he goes in to work. Howard said he doesn't know why the guy doesn't have a housekeeper to do all of that.
Howard said they were out to dinner and Booker was complaining about not having a contract at the station they work at. Howard said he told Steve that he really should take care of Booker. Howard said the two of them ended up arguing about music. Booker was arguing that they shouldn't be playing Pearl Jam on their station because they're not relevant anymore. Howard said Booker was telling Steve that he should be telling him what they should be playing because he knows what the kids are listening to these days. Howard said Booker's girlfriend Linda Lopez got in on the argument and argued along with Booker.
Howard said Steve brought everyone out to dinner but this guy Ross Zaipin ended up paying for it. He's a record company guy so he makes some decent money but Howard said he wasn't happy he had to pay for the whole dinner. Howard said they finished up dinner and Ross wanted to go to Scores. Howard said he wasn't into that because he was there to hang out with Steve. By that time Booker was loaded and Howard was telling him not to argue with Steve about the nonsense he was arguing over. Howard said they got into another Pearl Jam argument in the car on the way back to Steve's house. Howard said after all of that he went home and just crashed. Howard said he'd do it again sometime.
Howard said the restaurant they went to had him sign a carving board. Booker said that was really annoying too. Howard wrapped up the call with Booker and said you can hear him on K-Rock from 6 to 10 week nights.
Howard changed subjects and mentioned the movies that were out this weekend and how they did. Howard said ''The Santa Clause 2'' did great with a $29 million opening. Jackass dropped down a few spots but still made another $13 million this weekend. Howard said ''I Spy'' only did $14 million and he's happy it didn't do that well. He talked about how horrible the reviews were and how the director, Betty Thomas, hasn't called him to work on any of her stuff since ''Private Parts.'' He said he read some reviews and they said that Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson didn't have any chemistry in the movie. Robin said she heard they did have chemistry and they were fun to watch together. Howard suggested that they team Eddie up with a transsexual instead of Owen Wilson. Howard said they reversed the rolls for the ''I Spy'' movie compared to the TV show. Howard also talked about how crazy it is to have a black guy and a white guy paling around together. He seems to think the script writers are insane. Howard also pointed out the team of Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan and how crazy that is. Howard said when he sees teams like that he thinks they might be gay because gay guys don't care about what color or what race you are. He said gay guys would line up to bang the Incredible Hulk and he's green.
Howard read an article about some people who were plotting to kidnap Posh Spice from the Spice Girls. Howard thought that was pretty odd since they're not relevant anymore. Howard wondered if the next guy on the list to be kidnapped is the bald guy from Right Said Fred.
Howard took a call from Shuli who just read an article about how Howard is remaking ''Porky's'' and ''Rock and Roll High School.'' Howard talked about that last week but Shuli wanted to know if they've thought about casting yet. Howard said they're just in the script writing process at this point. Howard's not quite sure exactly how they're going to do the two movies yet.
Shuli asked Howard an odd question about how much money it would take to get rid of someone on the show. He gave Howard a dollar amount of $1000 and then $10,000 but it wasn't enough. Howard said he needed $1 million to get rid of everyone on the show. He said he wouldn't get rid of Beth for even $5 million. Robin said give him the money and then see what he does. It's all theoretical stuff. Howard seems to think a lot of people would kill their parents for $10 million. Howard said he thinks that a lot of people would bang their mother for half a million bucks. He said he thinks that some of those father/daughter teams that played ''It's Just Wrong'' would have banged each other for half a million bucks.
Shauli's phone went berserk and started making a really strange noise so Howard had to hang up on him. He went on to talk about how he doesn't think his mother would be, or ever was, into sex. He said she's talked to him about how she has to have sex with his father because they're in a relationship but she would rather be celibate. Howard said the most interesting thing they found out about Fred's mother was the fact that she was into anal sex. They called her one time and she revealed that to them. Howard had Fred doing an impression of his mother because she has an accent that's kind of hard to do. She's from Latvia and there's a lot of Vs replacing Ws in her accent.
Journalist Debbie Schlussel called in and brought up how Sean Penn's latest movie came out and no one went to see it. She and Howard spent some time talking about that and how no one is interested in him anymore. Debbie also mentioned something about a terrorist cell in near her home town and started to talk about that. She said you can read more about it if you go through her web site DebbieSchlussel.com. Howard and Artie goofed on how hard it would be to try and figure out how to spell her last name. They did that for a few seconds before Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro called in. He spent about a minute on the phone before Howard hung up on him and moved on to other stuff. Howard talked about Keanu Reeves and how he's not in touch with his father anymore. He said there are articles in the tabloid papers every week about celebrities who don't talk to their families. Howard read one about David Caruso from ''CSI Miami'' and how he stopped talking to his wife and son after their divorce. Howard took a break a short time later.
Howard went on to read some e-mail about the conversation they had last week about The Donnas. A lot of people think Howard should have the band in even if they don't perform in their underwear like Howard wants them to. One person said The Donnas are better than ''the other homo crap'' he plays on the show like the Foo Fighters and Bon Jovi.
Howard said he got some angry e-mail about David Blain's appearance and how boring the guy is when he's on. Some people think he should never be allowed on the show again.
Some people e-mailed them about Heidi Kluum and how she didn't show up for an interview last week. Howard ended up playing tape of a woman doing an impression of her and did a fake interview instead. Howard replayed some of the impressions again and said it was better than a real interview with her. Howard had some more fun with those clips and goofed on her a little more.
Howard said a lot of people also loved Yucko the Clown as an evaluator on the show last week. There were some people who didn't like him. Artie did a show with him on Saturday night (that I was at) and said that Yucko made a group of Jewish Singles walk out of the show. He sang a song about Jews going into the concentration camps and chased about 40 people out of the show. Yucko said a live Yucko makes for quite a show. Artie said that Yucko is a nice guy when he takes off his makeup. KC came in and said that Yucko will say that he has to go get Yucko when he's out of his makeup. Artie said that Yucko has a partner in his act and the guy gets dressed up as a giant vagina at the end of the act and Yucko ends up banging it. Artie said the guy sits back stage just waiting for his cue and then says ''Oh, that's me'' and goes out as the giant vagina. He said ultimately it's an entertaining performance. Artie said he does a lot of racist jokes and mixes it up with everyone. KC said Yucko will goof on just about everyone. He even goofed on the host, Jimmy Graham, who's a pretty big guy. Artie said something about giving Yucko about $50 to appear in the show. He thinks that he splits that with his partner Waco who plays the giant vagina.
Howard said this football player Ezra finally came out of the closet over the weekend. He played tape of the guy talking about it on some talk show. Howard said he felt bad for the guy because he was in the closet the whole time he was in the NFL. He said there was a lot of negativity coming from the other players all the time about gays and he had to bite his lip all the time.Howard played some other tapes from the show and other guys talking about what might have happened to the guy if he had come out of the closet when he was still on the team.
Howard read some e-mail from people who are pissed about Mr. Skin going on a bunch of other radio shows. Howard was kind of pissed last week when he found out he was doing all of those shows. Howard took a call from a guy who was on the Mr. Skin web site and saw all of the lame shows Mr. Skin has been on. Howard said he heard that Mr. Skin is going to rethink the shows he's going to go on from now on. Howard said he'd like to keep Mr. Skin on the show and not lose him to those other lame radio shows.
Howard talked to Artie about the comedy show he did last Friday after the radio show. Artie did 20 minutes at a construction site for a crew that was working on a building in New York City. Artie said that there was a guy who does sheet rock for the crew and he opened the show doing an Elvis impression. Artie said the guy was amazing and sounded just like Elvis. Howard and Robin are thinking of having him on the show to perform. Artie said it was a tough act to follow.
Howard talked to Fred's unborn baby this morning. They had some prerecorded lines from a woman who was supposed to be Fred's baby that's due this week. The Baby insults pretty much everyone on the show and Howard says the baby is just repeating what it hears from Fred's mouth.
Howard said they have a new game coming up this week called ''Stump the Booey'' in which people will try to beat Gary at naming 70's and 80's songs that they play. Gary said they'll have to give the title and the name of the band for the songs they play. If someone beats Gary they'll win $5000. Howard took a couple of calls from people who want to play and gave a quick demonstration on how it will go. He played three different songs and had this guy on the phone try to name them. Gary was really good and got two of the three no problem. The guy on the phone claims to have known one of them but he didn't answer before they gave out the correct answer. Gary was able to guess ''Time'' by the Alan Parsons Project and ''You Dropped a Bomb on Me'' by the Gap Band. The third song was ''Ah! Leah!'' by Donnie Iris. They'll be playing that game later this week. Howard said if you want to play just give them a call at 1-800-44-STERN.
Howard took some phone calls to kill some time before the news. A guy called in and asked Howard if he thinks homosexuality is a physiological thing or a psychological thing. Howard said he believes it's a psychological thing and it can be changed. Robin told Howard that she's seen young children who show signs of being gay at very young ages like two and three. Howard continued to argue that it's a psychological thing and if someone wants to change it can be done. He said there's no reason that someone has to do that but it is possible. Howard said he didn't want to keep talking about it. Howard said it's not something you choose consciously, it's just a psychological phenomenon. Gary came in and asked Howard how someone can ''cure'' themselves from this. Howard didn't say how it can be done, he just said it can be done. Gary asked if they brought in Gay Ramone if they could ''cure'' him. Howard said you absolutely can. Howard went on to say that no one should bash them but being heterosexual is ''the norm'' and being gay is not. Howard said people are not born gay, it's their environment that makes them change. Howard also brought up some other things that you would think are not psychological like stuttering and obsessive compulsive disorder. Gary had two brothers and one of them grew up to be gay. He wondered how that could happen if they were raised in the same environment. Howard said it depends on the individual and how they react to different things in their life. Someone brought up animal homosexuality and dogs that hump dogs of the same sex. Howard said that's not homosexuality, it's a dog showing dominance to another. Stuttering John, Robin and Gary all think Howard is out of his mind believing that's true. Howard took a couple of calls about the subject including one from a psychologist who agrees with what Howard was saying. She added a little and said that babies are conditioned when they see their mothers doing stuff. She said that a child that grows up with a foot fetish may have seen a mother cutting her toe nails and perhaps the mother coos and tells the baby she loves it. The baby then sees the toes and relates love to the toes and has a foot fetish later in life. Howard and Robin continued to argue over the subject for a while even after the psychologist call. Howard took a break after that and then had Robin do her news.
Howard brought up a story about how one of our drone planes took out some terrorists in Yemen the other day. Robin said she doesn't like hearing about this stuff, she'd rather not know about it because it's scary and that type of power can be abused. Howard said he loves it. He was impressed with the drone plane that can take someone out like that. Howard said that this guy they took out was the mastermind behind the bombing of the U.S.S. Cole a few years ago. Robin said she knew that but it still bothers her.
Howard changed subjects and said that the big news today was the fact that Mick Jagger's new girlfriend is 6'4'' tall and he's only 5'8'' tall. Howard said that's some difference. He also said that tall women now know they have a chance with short celebrities.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy thought the Fred's Baby bit they did yesterday was really funny. Howard was going to play some of that again but the CD was missing. KC came in and said he didn't take it out. Howard eventually got the CD and played some of the lines that ''Fred's Baby'' said when she was interviewed in utero.
Howard said he read some sad news about the guy who played Dr. Zachary Smith, Jonathan Harris, on ''Lost in Space'' dying recently at the age of 87. Howard said he died a few days ago and they just got around to mentioning it on page 26 of the Daily News. Fred played Taps while Howard quickly mentioned the guy's death.
Howard played a couple more clips from Fred's Baby and let the guy on the phone kiss his ass a little bit before taking a commercial break.
After the break Howard complained about the cold weather for a few seconds. He said he really doesn't like the cold and didn't like his ears ringing while he was standing out watching the NY City Marathon on Sunday. After that he talked a little bit about ''The Bachelor'' Aaron Buerge and then brought up this guy who put his son in charge of the Cablevision company. Howard said the son has almost blown all of the money that the company had because of some mistakes he's made business wise. Howard said the son of a rich guy is never going to be motivated enough to make the company bigger. He wasn't surprised that the son blew it. He said the guy could never have done as well as his father did. Howard said his dad would never do anything like that for him. That led to Howard talking about his parents and how they go out on dinner dates. He also said his father goes out to eat on his own sometimes. Howard said he can't do that because he gets very uncomfortable sitting there alone. Robin said she does it but she'll bring a book or something to read just in case she gets uncomfortable. Howard said he's always afraid someone will be there thinking that he just can't get someone to eat with him or he's just a loser. Artie said he doesn't have a problem eating alone. He said he likes to concentrate on eating when he goes out anyway. He said he did it quite a bit when he was living out in L.A.
Howard was handed a note that said Artie ate a record six slices of pizza last Friday night. Artie said that his girlfriend Dana was disgusted by it. He said he didn't even realize he'd eaten that much. It turns out he had a slice of sicilian pizza for the ride home so it was actually 7 slices! Artie said he doesn't give himself the chance to get full because he eats so fast. Howard told Artie he's actually in pretty good shape for a guy who can eat that much food. He said Artie should weigh about 600 pounds but he's only 220 or so. Stuttering John came in and said Artie is constantly eating and he just doesn't gain all that much weight. Howard said he'd be about 1000 pounds if he ate like Artie does.
Howard took a call from a guy who thinks that the bombing in Yemen was just propaganda for our country and the people that were killed may not have been who they're saying they were. Howard said he read that they found the leg of this guy who they said was killed and that's how he was identified. The guy on the phone was arguing about fighting the terrorists and stuff like that. The guy also said he doesn't like Artie on the show and thinks that the show isn't what it used to be. He said the show peaked back around the time of the OJ Simpson trial. Howard got off the phone with him and moved on to some other stuff.
Howard brought up an article that Fred forwarded to him about Sammy Hagar. Howard said he wasn't sure if it was real or not because it came from something called BlabberMouth.net. Howard went on to read the article in which Sammy claims to have been contacted by Aliens. The article looked real to Fred and that's why he forwarded it to Howard. Howard wanted Gary to get Sammy on the phone so they could ask him if it was true or not.
Bobo called in and told Artie he's on his way to a heart attack if he keeps eating the way he does. He asked Artie what his cholesterol levels are. Artie said ''they can measure cholesterol levels?'' as if he didn't know that could be done. Howard said he's been reading this Charles Grodin book, ''I Like It Better When You're Funny: Working in Television and Other Precarious Adventures'', when he uses his bathroom at home. In the book was a section about a woman Grodin knew who died young. It turns out she never went to the doctor. After reading that Howard said he made an appointment with his doctor and he's going to get a physical. Howard took a break a short time later.
Howard wondered if the celebration party could be held at Scores. Patacki said he still has a couple of young children so they'll just be drinking Cokes and not going to strip clubs. Howard wished him luck and said he hopes that his listeners will vote for him today. Howard said the guy is doing a great job and he should remain Governor of New York.
Robin brought up the interview Barbara Walters did with Justin Timberlake. Howard said Timberlake was a big baby not wanting to talk about whether or not he slept with Britney Spears. Howard said the guy was almost crying when he talked about her breaking his heart.
Robin also brought up the interview Barbara Walters did with Sharon Osbourne. Howard ended up talking about how he can't believe they did another season of their show for MTV. Howard said he hasn't heard from them since Sharon was diagnosed with cancer. He said he will drop them a note when he gets the chance.
Howard played the top 5 songs and threw in a phony song called ''I'm a Pedophile'' to the tune of Staind's ''It's Been a While.'' He also threw in the ''Diarrhea'' song that he's played over the past couple of weeks. Howard said KC spelled pedophile wrong but it turned out to be Scott the Engineer who got it wrong. Howard had KC try to spell diarrhea just to see if he could do that. KC spelled it ''DIAREAH.'' Close, but not close enough.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up how hot Governor Patacki's daughter is. Howard spent some time talking about how awkward it might be if he ever dated Patacki's daughter. Robin brought up the fact that Howard was invited to the inauguration party for Patacki when he was elected the first time. Howard was the only one who had dogs sniffing him before he was brought into the event.
Howard took another call from someone who just read about how he's going to be producing movies and remaking ''Porky's'' and ''Rock and Roll High School.'' Howard spent a few seconds on that before the guy asked him another question about who his top three women would be. Howard said the answer to all of his questions would be Beth and got off the phone with him a few seconds later.
Fred was playing some Al Pacino clips so Howard said people should rent ''Insomnia'' which he really enjoyed. Howard said that ''Behind Enemy Lines'' was also a great rental. Robin said what Howard should really see is ''Enemy at the Gates.'' Howard told Stuttering John to write it down for him. John came in and said he went to see ''The Santa Clause 2'' with his daughter and he didn't like it. Gary came in and said that he liked it and said that it actually had a pretty good plot. Howard said he felt like this was the retarded Siskel and Ebert with John and Gary arguing about the movie. They were arguing about the story and the chicks in the movie. Gary thought they were hot but John said they really weren't that hot. Howard said he's not sure he can trust Gary's taste in women these days because he's so horney these days. Howard said Gary was going nuts over the Asian chick on ''Survivor.'' Gary said he wasn't going nuts over her, he just said he was surprised she had a great body. Stuttering John said he would have rather have seen Michelle Pfeiffer in ''The Santa Clause 2'' with Tim Allen. Howard thought Eric Roberts as the woman would have been funnier. Howard took a look at a picture of the woman, Elizabeth Mitchell, who stars with Tim Allen in the movie and he said she has a butter-face but a good body.
Clown faced rappers Insane Clown Posse came in to promote their latest album ''The Wraith: Shangri-La'' which comes out today. Howard said there were a lot of fans downstairs just hoping to get a chance to see the guys. Howard introduced the guys as Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope but KC had them confused. Howard said even he knew which one was which. KC said he thought he knew the guys but he was wrong. Howard told KC which one was which and corrected him. KC said one of the guys lost some weight and he didn't recognize him. Violent Jay said that he's gone a little mental and has to take some medication for that. He said he's also self medicating with canibus. Howard said he's worried about J but J told him this is the best part of their life. Their album is coming out today and for 10 years they've been telling a story with their albums and this is the end of the story. Howard asked them how long it took to record this album. J said that it took 9 months and they recorded it all over the country.
Howard brought up J's many tattoos and asked him about some of them. Howard spent a short time on that and then brought up how there were about 50 fans downstairs trying to break in to get to see these guys. Howard also spoke to Shaggy about what he's been up to lately. He said he's been enjoying Miss Michigan, his hand, sexually lately. J also told a story about meeting Pamela Anderson. He said they were at this club Crazy Girls and they saw Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray there. They talked to him for a short time and then saw Pamela hanging out without a guy. J said he hung out talking to her for a little while and found out she and Kid Rock weren't planning on getting married at the time. He said this was around July 12th or so. He said she asked them to come hang out at her place in Malibu. He claims that she invited just him to her place. She didn't want anyone else to come. He said he'd go if she agreed to come to a wrestling match with them. She said her kids love wrestling and she'd love to go. J said that he knows that Pam and Kid Rock probably had a big argument before that and she knows that Kid hates ICP so she was going to get back at him or something. J went on to talk about Mark McGrath bad mouthing the Juggalos and how his guys went over and almost kicked his ass. Mark came over and stole him away from Pam so he could talk to the guys before his ass got beat. He told Pam that he would bring them over to this party she invited them to. J said that Mark ended up ducking out the back door and ditched them. They never got to go to Pamela's Malibu house. Howard wondered why they didn't just stick with Pam and blow Mark McGrath off. Howard said he wasn't sure they were telling the truth about the whole thing. J said he was trying his best to get her but it didn't happen. Howard said he should have gotten her phone number at least. J didn't get that and he didn't get her address. Howard said he had the chance and he blew it.
Howard ended up telling the guys the story about how he blew it with Pam at Scores. He made his long story short and told the guys that Pam kissed him but it wasn't ''real'' and it wasn't passionate. Howard said his buddy, Ralph, was rubbing her legs and he was kissing her. Nothing more happened and Howard claims he left because he knew nothing else was going to happen.
Howard took some phone calls for the guys. One caller said he'd give the guys a job paying them $10 an hour for some reason. The guy said they don't need a job though. The caller said he just wanted to offer them an honest day's work. Howard took another call from a woman who says the guys sing about rape and she doesn't like that. The guys said they've never sung about rape and she's probably never heard the band at all. She said she didn't know the lyrics or which song it was. She went on to tell a story about a guy who blamed ICP for some violent acts he'd performed on her and a friend of hers. Her friend was murdered and the guy claimed that he listened to ICPs music and that's what made him do it. The guys ended up calling her ''bitch'' a few hundred times and didn't want to hear what she was saying. Another caller said that he talks about violent bands and talks about ICP every day. He quoted some of their lyrics and pointed out how violent they are. Howard asked him if it's really any different than a movie that shows violence. The guy said that movies are rated ''R'' if they're violent and the band's concerts don't give warnings like that to their fans. The guys argued with the guy on the phone and actually told him that guys like him keep them in business anyway. The more they talk about the band, the more exposure they get.
Howard had a few people come in who showed up to see ICP. Howard spoke to a couple of guys who were there. He said the only women that showed up were fat and under 18 so they didn't bring them in. Violent J asked one of the fans if their music ever makes him want to do something violent... The guy said yes so J told him to go do it then. Howard spent a short time talking to the fans and took a call from Crazy Cabbie who said he heard that their album is apparently going to debut at number 1. It's supposed to be a huge album according to Cabbie. Cabbie asked the guys if they were still fat because he was ready to offer them some Trim Spa diet pills. They lost weight so they didn't need it. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later. Check out InsaneClownPosse.com for more info.
After taking a break Howard came back and Artie said he thought it was pretty funny how that fan said he felt like Insane Clown Posse's music makes him want to do violent stuff.
Howard spent some time talking about this week's ''Fear Factor'' and how this guy on the show was playing to win so he could afford butt cheek implants. Howard listened to an audio clip of the guy talking about it and said it sounded kind of odd. Robin told Howard that the guy admitted that he's gay which Howard said he figured but didn't want to say anything about.
Howard also said that Tom Chiusano has screwed things up with the upcoming High Pitch Erik bit where they were going to have a porn star use a strap-on on him. Howard said Tom won't allow that to happen in the studio though. He demanded that they go to a hotel room for something like that instead.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about this special he saw on MTV about Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro's relationship. Howard played a few clips from the show and said you really have to watch it because it's pretty interesting. Howard spent a few minutes on that before bringing in Aaron Buerge. Howard said Carmen will be calling in later this week so they'll talk to her about that show then.
Howard talked to Aaron about his family and how they're financially set. Aaron is 28 years old and the president of his family's bank. Howard said that Aaron has access to his family's corporate jet.
Howard said ''The Bachelor'' is great because you can almost tell what the guy is going to do. Howard said he knew that Aaron was going to get rid of a few of the women right away. He talked to him about that for a short time and then brought up some of the scary chicks that are on the show. Aaron talked about how strange some of the women were that he was dating on ''The Bachelor.'' Aaron said he's seen the episodes and some of the stuff he saw scared the hell out of him. Howard said he thinks that some of the women may be mentally disturbed after seeing their behavior. Aaron said that it was amazing how quickly the women fell in love with him. Howard and Robin told him that they think he's been picking the wrong women to keep on the show with him so far just like the last guy did on last season's show. He didn't think he was doing that but he also claims that he didn't see last season's show. He said once he was picked to be ''The Bachelor'' he only watched one episode of last season's show. Howard asked him why he rejected some of the chicks on the show. He told Howard that some of the stuff the women did was just strange. He mentioned the Mormon virgin chick and how she had breast implants. He just didn't think that all fit into place the right way. They mentioned a few of the other women on the show and discussed them for a short time. Howard brought up the girl whose father is in jail but she says she doesn't want to know why he's there. They talked about that and how the tabloids are saying that the guy was allegedly in jail for child molestation. Gary came in and read some of the charges they have printed in the tabloid magazines. They were rapes at gun point and sounded pretty disturbing.
Howard asked Aaron if he's met any celebrities since he got on the show. Aaron said he's met a few including Reese Witherspoon and some basketball player. He also gets resumes from women who have seen him on the show.
Aaron said that he's still seeing the winner from the show but they have to have high security when they go out. Howard asked him if he's banged her yet and he said he didn't want to go there. Howard assumed that meant he's banged her. Howard then asked him if he uses a rubber when he bangs her. He didn't want to talk about that stuff though. Howard said he thinks the winner is Gwen who he thinks has a pinched in nose.
Howard took some phone calls for Aaron and one guy asked Aaron if he thinks any of the women on the show are really ''his type'' because they don't seem like they are. Howard said he agrees and said he doesn't think the girls are all that hot.
Wendy the Retard called in so Howard had some fun with her. He asked her a bunch of questions that she just says ''yes'' to. He asks her if she's been raped by Aaron and if she pleasures herself to his image. She just keeps saying yes to every question Howard asks.
Howard got back to Aaron for a few minutes and talked to him about all of the women he got to date on the show. Aaron said that he has had a couple of long term relationships in his life. He dated one woman for a year and a half and was engaged to another one for a year. He said that he did cheat on women when he was in college. He said that anyone who claims they've never cheated you can't trust. He seems to believe that everyone has cheated on their boyfriends or girlfriends.
Howard found out that Aaron ''spanked one out'' sometimes after making out with them on the show since he didn't end up sleeping with them. Howard asked him a bunch of other sexual questions and found out he's never spanked a chick. He said there was some light petting going on when he dated the women on the show but he never really ''felt them up.''
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and yelled at Aaron saying that the only reason the women want him is because they want a chance to be on TV. Artie did his crow cawing impression of Mariann after her call and Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
After taking a break Howard came back and said Robin was groping Aaron as he was leaving. He said she was feeling his muscles and comparing them to KC. Gary pointed out that Robin kept saying ''Really!?'' after everything Aaron was saying during his interview. He said he wanted to go back and count how many times she said it.
Howard mentioned that this woman Zana will be coming in to use a strap-on on High Pitch Erik but now it turns out Tom Chiusano won't even pay for the hotel room for them to perform this act in. Howard mentioned that Tom didn't want them doing it in the studio so they had to get a hotel room. Artie said he'd put up the money for the room if Tom won't.
Howard also said they'll be playing ''Stump The Booey'' and Brian Dunkelman will come in to tell them why he left ''American Idol.''
Howard talked about how George Patacki has won his third term as Governor and he voted for him. Robin said she went out and voted also. Howard said he gets some kind of charge out of voting. He said he felt good about himself after voting like he was actually doing something. Robin talked about her voting as well.
Howard said his daughter saw Jackie the Joke Man by the subway the other day but she didn't say hello or anything. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that story but there wasn't much to say about it so he took a commercial break.
After taking a break Howard spent a few more minutes talking about election day and people who were elected and not elected. Howard said he doesn't look at himself as either a Republican or a Democrat. He said he doesn't understand how people can follow on party and vote for them blindly. Howard said Scott DePace from E! is one of those guys who supports the Republican party blindly so he spent a couple of minutes talking to him. Scott came in and said he does disagree with the Republican party about a lot of their views on religion. Howard also ended up talking about how he almost ran for Governor of New York years ago and what his platform was. He wanted to stop daytime construction and also use dead criminals to fill the potholes out on the streets of New York City. Howard said he also wanted to get rid of the toll booths in New York because he hates sitting in traffic on the weekends.
Gary came in and asked Howard if he watched ''Fear Factor'' last night. Howard ended up talking about that for a short time and how dumb the show is when they end up bringing back people for the final stunt when the second stunt goes wrong and everyone but one person backs out. This guy on last night's show got into a hole filled with scorpions and the other two contestants ended up backing out so they gave the guy $25,000 and brought the other two back for the final stunt. Howard said he doesn't like when they do that.
Howard said he read that ''The Sopranos'' ratings have been going down lately but they may start going back up since the Charlie Walnuts character returned. Fred said he thinks the show has gone downhill since the second season. He doesn't think they finish plot lines and doesn't seem to enjoy the show that much. They spent a couple of minutes on that before the subject changed to sex. Someone said they like Tony's sex scenes in ''The Sopranos'' and that got Artie and the guys talking about how they like to be on top when they have sex. They spent a short time on that and changed subjects again when they brought up Jam Master Jay's funeral. Howard said he was thinking of going to the funeral but didn't. Howard talked about Run DMC for a short time.
Howard took a call from a guy who had tape of Robert Blake on some TV show about 30 years ago talking about what a tough guy he is. The guy ended up asking Howard if he could play ''Stump the Booey'' today. Howard said he has to get in line because they have a lot of people who want to compete against Gary in the game. Howard said they'll be playing that today and they had a hot chick who wanted to come down to play today. Will came in and told Howard about this woman that Howard was talking about. She's not going to be on today though but they do have another hot chick coming in today.
Howard said you have to submit your entry on CD or cassette by 5pm on November 26th. He said they'll pick about 10 finalists and then narrow it down from there until they have a winner. He said you're only supposed to roast one person in that one minute.
Howard took a call from this woman Mara who was ready to enter already. She was going off on everyone but Fred who she likes. Howard told her to save it for the contest.
Howard said the final voting will be done by the listeners. He said that the finalists will be competing ''American Idol'' style on the final day.
A few more listeners called in and started roasting Howard and also went off on Mara who was still on the phone.
If you're interested in submitting your entry, just send it to the address below.
The Howard Stern Show
C/O WXRK
40 West 57th Street
14th Floor
New York, NY 10019
Howard said he got some phony phone calls from this guy Kidd Chris (KiddShow.com) but the calls have been played on a lot of other radio shows already. The guy calls OJ Simpson and goofs on him. In one call he claims to be AC Cowling and asks OJ if he wants to go out and kill some people. He then calls as Al Michaels and asks OJ to help him kill his wife. The guy ends up calling OJ a bunch of other times as different people asking OJ to go kill somebody. Howard and the guys loved the calls. Howard said the guy also made a call to George Takei from ''Star Trek'' as Ricardo Montalban. Takei believes it's actually him and talks to him for a short time. Takei talks about his dog and what he was doing that day. ''Ricardo'' asked Takei if he'd ever seen a midget naked and that's when he realized he wasn't the real Ricardo Montalban. Howard then played another call where Kidd Chris pretends to be John Rocker and he calls Ted Turner. Turner rambles on and on for a minute and then ''Rocker'' says something about the Jews suspending him and Turner realizes that he's not the real John Rocker. Howard played one more call and had this woman call OJ as a girlfriend who he didn't recognize. He hung in there for a minute but said he had to hang up. She then asked him if he wanted to go kill someone. He said he couldn't do it that day and hung up on her. Howard took a couple of phone calls and people loved the phony phone calls. One guy told Howard to replay them so he gave it another shot.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who cursed so much that we didn't even hear the beginning of the call. Howard calmed the woman down and tried to find out why she was calling. She cursed a few more times so the delay had to be hit a couple more times. Howard said she was saying the f-word 50 times and apologized for the delay hits.
Howard mentioned the new ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest again to let more people know about it. He played a few voice mail messages with people going off on people on the show as examples of how to roast them. This one guy who calls in and goes off on Robin all the time made one call where he complained about Justin Timberlake and how gay the music video shoot was that they showed on some interview show. Howard ended up talking about that for a short time. He saw the interview and how disturbing his mother was to watch. Howard told Robin she has to watch this making of the video tape. Artie said he'd watch it but he'd be afraid that someone would catch him.
Eric said that his sister said if he does this today, he won't be allowed to call her ever again. Robin was surprised to learn that Erik even had a sister. Erik said he just found out last night that his family was against this so he couldn't give them more notice about it. Howard wondered why they are against this and not all of the other stuff that he's done.
Gary came in and said that this was like an intervention and his sister had him come over for other reasons. Then his mother popped out of a closet or something and went off on him. The guys asked Erik if his family throws him money or something. He said that his father helps him out and his whole family is against this whole thing. Erik said it was just his mother and sister who talked to him about this yesterday but he knows his father is against it too.
KC came in and said that Erik really stinks today too. Howard apologized to Zana for the whole thing. She said she was prepared to do this and had the strap-ons ready to go. Howard told Erik that he really blew it this time. Howard let Zana get a plug in for her web site NakedZana.com and then told Eric that he had to get into a dress to redeem himself. Howard made him strip down naked in the studio to get changed. The guys were all disturbed by his fat belly. He claims that he weighs about 311 pounds but Gary said it's probably closer to 320. The dress didn't fit so they had to have someone help him get into his outfit. Everyone was laughing as he got into the dress.
Howard took a couple of calls about the situation. The Reverend Bob Levy(revboblevy.net) called in ad told Erik to just bend over and take it... He'd be his new daddy. Crazy Cabbie also called in and said Erik was supposed to be banned from the show before so he shouldn't have been allowed to be on today.
They ended up putting Erik in a negligee and a bikini bottom. Howard decided that they wanted to strap on the strap-on to Eric's face and make him walk around the streets of New York like that. Howard said he looked like a ''big gay unicorn'' with the strap-on on his head. Everyone thought this was even worse than him taking it in the rear. Howard said Erik was slowing down the show today because they were supposed to be playing ''Stump the Booey'' by now. Erik asked if he could come back up and plug something after walking the streets like this. Howard said he couldn't plug anything because he was screwing up the whole show already. Howard suggested they take Erik dressed like that up to Harlem and just dump him there. Howard said he could smell Erik from across the studio because he stunk so bad. Howard sent him out and told the guys to put a sign on him that reads ''My Mommy won't let me take a strap-on.'' Artie thought Erik looked like some kind of strange super hero.
Howard had Zana show the guys her breasts which everyone seemed to like. Erik kept apologizing for everything over and over again. Howard renamed Erik ''Dildo Head'' and tried to get him to leave but he kept rambling. A guy on the phone brought up how Erik was working security at an airport in the area but he was fired from that job. They found out he made a bomb threat a couple of years ago and fired him. He said he's got another job though.
Howard gave Erik a megaphone and told him to repeat ''My mommy won't let me take a strap-on'' and ''I'm a big, fat princess'' over and over again. Howard had him do it in a lower voice too but he couldn't keep that up for long. Howard gave Zana a couple more plugs and ended the segment. He mentioned her web site NakedZana.com and StrapOn.com.
After taking a break Howard gave an update on the situation with Erik. They had the E! show camera on him so they could see him. Howard described the scene and listened in as Erik used the megaphone to tell everyone that his mom won't let him do the strap-on thing. Doug from E! was down there interviewing a couple of people about it. Guys were sickened by the sight of it. Howard had Erik screaming out that he was a big, fat, smelly princess in his high pitched, Mickey Mouse voice. Howard made him yell out that he loves young boys also. Gary told Howard he's sure his family will be thrilled with this whole thing. Howard made Erik repeat a bunch of gay stuff on the megaphone. He would say anything that Howard told him to say. Howard eventually got sick of the whole thing and told Erik to walk up and down the street saying ''I support Al Quaeda!''
The first person to play was a 38 year old woman by the name of Robyn. She said she was on the show many years ago and Howard really liked her back then. Howard spent a short time talking to her about that and about why she thinks she could win this game. She said she's old, just like Gary, and should know the songs from the period. Fred played the theme music for the game which was the Jeopardy theme with lyrics of ''Baba Booey'' over and over again.
Howard told Robyn and Gary that he would give them 5 songs. They had to write down their answers. Howard said the grand prize is courtesy of ''The Jamie Kennedy Experiment'' which airs on the WB Thursday nights.
Howard played the first song and Gary got it right away. He said it was an easy one. Robyn didn't know it right away but she eventually wrote something down. The correct answer was ''Mexican Radio'' by Wall of Voodoo. Robyn didn't get the right answer but Gary did. Howard played the second song and Gary got that one right away. Robyn was having a tougher time though. The correct answer was ''Baby Come To Me'' by Patty Austin. Gary got it, Robyn was close but didn't get it. Howard then played the third song. Once again Gary knew it and Robyn didn't. She said she didn't know the artist but knew the song. The answer was ''True'' by Spandau Ballet. Robyn blew it so Gary won the game.
Howard took a few phone calls after the game and read some e-mail. He said he got a letter from Sal the Stockbroker who claims he went to his cardiologist and he was given the okay to fight Gary. His only stipulation was that he get paid $250,000. Howard said he's nuts and no one wants to see the fight anyway so he's not even going to entertain the offer.
Howard got an e-mail from someone who wants to bet on how high Artie's cholesterol level is. That led to Howard talking about how low his level is and how they should test Artie and take bets on what the level is. Artie was very vocal in telling everyone that he has no desire to know his cholesterol level. He refuses to let them take it and seemed to get very angry when they kept bothering him about it. Howard said they'll give him a day to think about it and then see what happens.
Howard got a note from the Trivial Pursuit game people who congratulated Robin because she's been included in their 20th Anniversary edition. Howard read the questions and both of them were about Hank the Dwarf. Robin was mentioned in one because she gave some of her Celebrity Jeopardy winnings to Hank.
Howard said some guy has created a web site and he's going to try and get Howard a star on the walk of fame. Howard said he doesn't want a star because you have to pay for them yourself. Basically, anyone can get one but he doesn't want it. The guy running the site said he needs to raise $15,000 for the star. The site is HowardsHollywoodStar.com.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who said she needs help with her diet. She said she's been trying to find a place that will help her lose weight but every place she's found so far is too expensive. Howard told her to just stop eating and she'd be fine. She told him that she needs to get away from everything and go someplace else to lose the weight though. Howard went back and forth with her over it for quite a while before getting her off the phone so he could move on.
Howard continued talking to him about the show and what he thinks Brian should have done. Howard told him he should have stuck with the show for at least another year. Brian said that he's already going to be known as ''the American Idol guy'' and if he'd done another year, he would never be able to shake that. He wants to be an actor, not the host of ''American Idol.''
Howard took some phone calls for Brian including one from Wendy the Retard. Howard did his usual bit where he has Wendy saying that this guy raped her and ''decorated her back with his DNA'' and some other stuff like that. He took a couple of other phone calls for him and tried to give him some advice about his career. Brian didn't seem to want any advice though. Howard said he could be a talk show host or something like that and make lot of money. Brian said he just doesn't want to do that though.
Brian's girlfriend told Howard that she didn't try out for ''American Idol'' even though she's a decent singer. Howard had her sing for them quickly. Howard also asked her if she's pissed that she didn't date Ryan Seacrest instead of Brian.
Howard wrapped up the interview and gave Brian a couple of plugs for upcoming comedy gigs he has coming up.
Nicole Bass (NicoleBass.com) called in and asked when she's going to fight. Howard canceled the fight after Joey Buttafuoco refused to sign the contract. Howard had a tape of Joey calling in explaining why he wouldn't fight. He heard about some of the claims they were making about the reasons for not fighting but Joey says they're not true and he wants to do the fight. He said he really does want to do the fight and wants Howard to call him. Nicole said she's been training since June and she really wants to do it also. Howard explained why he canceled the fight and how there were too many stipulations coming from Joey's side. Howard and Fred spent a few minutes goofing on Nicole and her wrestling schmos before Sal the Stockbroker called back again. He apologized for calling Howard a cheap Jew but Howard didn't really seem to care. He told Sal he's done dealing with him and he doesn't want anything to do with him anymore.
High Pitch Erik called in from the set of Ben Affleck's latest movie. Howard had him yelling out stuff to Ben trying to get his attention for a few minutes. Howard thought it would be funny if he still had on that crazy outfit he was wearing earlier but he'd already taken it off. He kept feeding Erik lines to yell out. Eventually one of the directors came over and asked Erik to be quiet. He kept yelling and a police officer eventually showed up and asked him to quiet down. Erik just kept yelling though. Howard took a break after doing that for a little while. They did the news when they returned from break.
Howard said that Anastasia the whore will be on later today. They'll also be doing ''Hollyweird Squares'' and the winner gets to go to a porn awards show. Plus there's a $5000 secret square. Howard said Carmen Electra and Beetlejuice will be calling in sometime too.
Howard was surprised that Winona Ryder was convicted in her court case. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about the case.
Howard took some phone calls including Shuli who had some E! scrolls that run under Howard's show each night. He read Howard some of them and said they keep getting longer and longer. Howard said he can't believe how pig headed E! is being over getting rid of the scrolls on his show. He said he has the right contractually to get rid of that stuff but they refuse to take them off. Shuli also talked about how they're censoring everything on the show and he gets away with more on his radio show now. He said they actually censored the word ''Chinaman'' from his E! show one night. Howard said there is new management at E! and they're the ones doing all of that.
Shuli wondered if Fred is going to still carry a picture of his dog or his new kid when he goes on vacation now. He used to carry the dog picture everywhere. Howard said he thinks Fred will embrace the whole baby thing. The guys spent some time talking about Fred and his behavior. Robin said he really is a sweetheart off the air.
Shuli asked Howard about the contest Howard announced yesterday. ''The World's Meanest Listener'' is something anyone can enter by taping themselves roasting one of the members of the show. Howard said it has to be 60 seconds or less and it has to be on CD or cassette. Howard gave all the details again and said the full rules are on HowardStern.com. They spent a short time talking about that with Shuli before taking some more phone calls.
A guy called in and said that last night's E! show was great with Joey Boots and High Pitch Erik doing the gay IcyHot stuff on the genitals bit. Howard said he almost didn't put that on E! because he wanted to save it for ''Jerkoff: The Movie.''
Everyone got back on the subject of Fred and his baby again. Robin said she heard a story about Fred going out shopping for the baby one day and ended up turning on every toy that made noise or moved. There was so much noise that they couldn't hear each other talking. Howard shared a couple of stories about Fred and the strange stuff he's done over the years. Howard said he thinks Fred will be able to deal with doing homework with his kid when he has to do that. Howard said he had to do homework with his daughter Ashley last night and his head was spinning while he was doing it. He said she was doing homework about the history of Long Island so he had to help out with that. He started telling the guys about the stuff he learned. He knew a bunch of facts about Long Island and the people who lived there. Howard said after learning all of this he realized that he really didn't care about any of it. Gary talked about doing homework with his kids and how you get depressed when you learn how mean people were when they took over land here in the U.S. Howard said he got woozy after learning all of that stuff. Artie said he knows a lot of history about New York and he enjoys it. He said he'd be willing to help Ashley out with her homework.
After taking a break Howard said the guests for ''Hollyweird Squares'' were showing up getting ready for the game. He took a call from a woman who he thought smoked 9 packs of cigarettes a day. She was telling Howard she thought he had a sexy voice but when he turned on her, she turned on him and got off the phone. Howard took another call from a guy who just heard that 2 people in New York have contracted bubonic plague. He seemed to think that it was terrorist stuff but it turns out they brought it up from Mexico. The caller also told Howard that he loves the ''It's Just Wrong'' game but would like them to change the rules a bit. He said they could keep the losing contestants in the game if they're willing to do some of the wackier stunts they ask them to do after the game. Howard said he'd think about it.
Another caller brought up the weight of Fred's baby, 7lb 14 oz., and said that 714 is a quaalude so Fred's baby is a quaalude.... Howard hung up on him and joked that they have the next Jerry Seinfeld on their hands.
Another caller gave Howard an ''F***, Marry, Kill'' game. He gave Howard three names and Howard had to say which one he'd F***, Marry and Kill. The guy gave him Raquel Welch, Bo Derek and Morgan Fairchild. Howard said he'd marry Bo, F*** Raquel and kill Morgan. He said there's no way he's killing Bo or Raquel. Howard was ready to get off the phone because he couldn't take his voice. The guy said that he lost his false teeth when he accidentally flushed them down the toilet. The guy said he was promised the chance to play ''Win Fred's Money'' but he hasn't been on yet. Howard told him he'd put him on the list and then put him on hold. He picked up again because he wanted to know how the guy lost his teeth. He told Howard that he was taking a leak and coughed as he was flushing the toilet. The teeth went right down. Howard still couldn't take the guy's voice so he got off the phone again.
Howard sarcastically thanked the police who arrested Winona Ryder for shoplifting and got her convicted. Howard said Winona Ryder shouldn't be above the law but this court case is ridiculous and shouldn't have taken 7 days.
Howard said he read that Molly Ringwald made an announcement that she's getting divorced and he doesn't really care. He when she makes an announcement it's like hearing an announcement in a grocery store. You listen to it but you just don't care. Howard said he wasn't even sure she was still alive. Artie said maybe when she makes an announcement like that they should announce that she's alive first. Howard took another break after that.
After the break Howard talked about some of the interesting stuff that's on TV today. One of the things that he brought up was how Rebecca Romijn-Stamos is doing every show but his. Howard said he's being punished over the story that John Stamos brought up on the air a while back. She was topless in Howard's apartment and that story was huge at the time. Gary said that he spoke to Rebecca and she said she doesn't want to do the show anymore. The two of them say they don't listen to the show anymore but they still love Howard. Howard said he's done with them. He went off on them for a couple of minutes. Howard said ''Thanks for being a friend.'' after complaining about Rebecca not doing the show. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that John and Rebecca really do love Howard regardless if the story about Rebecca was true or not. Howard said that John is the one who brought it up on the air, not him. Chaunce said that John and Rebecca don't realize how many people actually listen to the show. The guys said that if anyone knows how many people listen to Howard's show, John does. Gary asked Howard if he could bring the pictures in of Rebecca now that they're not friends anymore. Howard said ''sure'' but that probably won't happen. Gary said Rebecca was booked for the show but didn't realize it until he pointed it out. She canceled it after that. Howard said he can't wait until she gets ugly. He said he'll be laughing in 10 years after she has a kid. He said he loves when hot chicks get ugly. Chaunce said he thinks they should get together to make up but Howard said they're dead to him now. Chaunce said he almost had them as friends himself until all of this happened. Howard said there's no fixing this problem.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to her about being a whore and how she works. She told a story about going out with a young couple who hired her to have sex with them. Anastasia said the husband got jealous about the two women having sex though. She said they had a whole evening on the town before going back to their hotel room. They all fooled around a bit and the woman started kissing and stuff like that. They all fooled around and after the ''first round'' the husband passed out from drinking too much. Anastasia said she and the woman went into the shower and did some stuff. The husband came in about an hour later and accused his wife of liking women better than men. Anastasia said she had to get out of there after that.
Howard asked Anastasia about her music. She said that she has signed with a major record label but they haven't settled on everything yet. She said she didn't want to say what label it is yet. Anastasia said she'll be going by her real name, Ana Lovelis, because there's already an Anastasia in the music industry. Howard played her first single which is called ''Wet.'' After listening to some of the song Howard asked Robin what she thought. Robin said the production was really good. Howard said he thought it was pretty good too. Anastasia said that even if she hits big she'll still remain a whore because she loves having sex.
He also took a few phone calls for her and let some guys give their reviews of the song. Howard had to wrap up the interview shortly after that. Ana Lovelis, aka Anastasia, will be appearing at Shine Night Club in Manhattan on November 12th at 8pm for those of you who want to go see her.
Howard spoke to Frank for a short time and found out what he does for a living. He also found out that Frank was born with club feet so he questioned him about that. He had a bunch of hard luck stories that he brought up too. A lot of his family members died when he was pretty young so Howard mentioned all of that. He also saw a friend of his get killed during a motorcycle race. He said his head was severed by the windscreen on his bike. Frank also races and said that he crashed and broke some bones not too long ago. He's bad luck and Robin said she was going to stay away from him.
Howard moved on to James and found out he's lost a lot of money on gambling over the past few years. He once lost $63,000 in a week! He's now in debt for $130,000 because of the gambling. He said he's paying off stuff as much as he can but it's only about $150 a week. He's living on only about $50 a week at this point. Howard said he'll never pay off his debts at that rate.
Howard said that they had Heather from Scores turning the cards for the game. Howard said she's very beautiful and recognized her knee from possibly giving him a lap dance.
Howard introduced each of the squares after that. Up in the left corner was John the Stutterer. Next to him was Porn Star Devon. Howard talked to each of them quickly and then introduced Don the Magic Juan. Raymond Norman the ''Oprah Winfrey, negro woman of the south'' guy was next. Jeff the Drunk Curro was in the center square. Sitting next to him was Porn Star Tera Patrick. Howard spent a short time talking to her and then introduced Bukake Girl. Howard said she loves bukake so that's why they call her that. Up next was Fred the Elephant Boy and Daniel Carver the KKK guy. Howard let Daniel ramble on with his racist crap before starting the game.
Frank was X and James was O for the game. Howard had Frank go first. He picked Jeff Curro to start. Howard then went on to read the question and had Frank say whether he agreed with Jeff's answer or not. James went next and got the secret square that was worth $5000 if he got it right. The secret square was Bukake girl. Her question was very easy so James won the $5000 courtesy of H2 ''Hollywood Squares 2.'' Howard said that money will probably go directly to James' bookie. Frank was up again and he went with Daniel Carver. Frank agreed with Daniel's answer and ended up getting it wrong. James went again and picked Fred the Elephant Boy for the win. The question was about the average length of a man's penis and they got it wrong so James didn't get the win. Frank went again and picked Devon the porn star. They got their answer right so Frank actually won. Howard didn't realize it at first. He was surprised to see the three X's across the board. Both of the guys won something.
Gary came in and asked Howard if they wanted to play another game for another $5000. Paul Fishbein said he'd throw in a couple more tickets to the AVN awards if Howard would read their plugs right. Howard agreed to that and let Paul give a plug. Jeff the Drunk was getting up to go take a leak but Howard made him stay there so they could play the game again. After talking to some of the wack packers Howard got to the second game. James started it off with John the Stutterer. John and James didn't agree but James got his circle. Frank was up and picked Raymond Norman. Frank got his X because Raymond didn't have a clue about the answer. James went with Don the Magic Juan next. They disagreed but James got the square. Frank went again and went with porn star Devon. Frank disagreed with Devon and lost the square. James went with Daniel Carver but Howard told him he could have won if he'd gone with Devon. James said he wanted to give Frank the chance to win. James and Daniel agreed on the question so he got the square. Frank went with Tera Patrick to block James. He agreed with her on her answer and got the square. James went to Jeff the Drunk which wasn't a winning move. Howard said he guesses that the guy doesn't care about winning. James won the square and won. It turns out the center square got him the diagonal win. Howard congratulated each of the guys and thanked all of the people who played the game and gave them some plugs for their stuff. There were a lot of plugs going on for web sites so here's a quick wrap up of those:
Howard got Carmen back on the phone and spoke to her for quite a while. She was promoting some Cuervo Nation contest thing that you can find out more about at Cuervo.com. Howard told Carmen that he thinks her getting married to Dave Navarro is a really bad idea. Howard spent most of the interview talking to her about that and trying to convince her that she shouldn't get married to Dave.
Stuttering John also came in and wanted to know if Carmen and Howard ever did anything when they hung out together in Malibu a few years ago. John and some of the guys on the show seem to think that something went on that Howard isn't talking about. Carmen said nothing happened and they just had some innocent fun that day hanging out with one another. John still thinks they're not revealing everything though. She said they never tongue kissed and they never felt each other up. Howard told the story about taking a shower with Carmen so John asked about that too. Carmen said Howard was a gentleman and didn't touch her in the shower at all. They spent quite a bit of time talking about that and trying to find out what happened back then. Even after denying anything happened the guys are still not sure they're telling the truth.
Howard took a few phone calls about it and the fans agree with John. A lot of people think Howard is lying and did do something with her that he's not talking about. Howard told Carmen that he misses her. He spent about 40 minutes on the phone with her before wrapping up the call and taking a break.
Jeff the Drunk was making jokes and laughing during the news and the sounds coming out of him when he laughed were making the guys sick. He was wheezing and coughing in a way that was just grossing everyone out. Howard eventually had KC come in and take him out to go get a beer just to get him out of the studio.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Tesa sounded better than Tess with Fred's last name of Norris. Howard said it did sound better but Robin said she was liking Tess. A woman called in and asked what Tess' middle name is. He said it's Danielle. Robin asked if she will eventually rearrange her name like Fred did and change it to Danielle Tess Norris. She also wondered if she'll change it to Erika like Fred changed his to Erik. Howard pointed out that Fred will be the ''old dad'' when his daughter is growing up. He's already 47 years old. The woman on the phone asked what Stuttering John's daughter's names are. She said he doesn't ever say his youngest daughter's name. Howard said he couldn't remember it either. John told them that it's Lilly Belle.
Fred said he held the baby yesterday quite a bit but hasn't changed a diaper yet. Howard pointed out that Alison's private parts will remain nice and tight since she had the baby by c-section instead of natural birth. Howard said he likes it tight down there.
The woman on the phone continued talking about how she likes all of the names the guys have picked out for their kids. Robin and the guys were talking about Gary's kids Jackson and Lucas. Stuttering John wondered why he didn't just go with Jack and Luke instead of the unusual Jackson and Lucas.
Stuttering John said that his youngest daughter hates him and doesn't want anything to do with him. Gary said his youngest has told him that he hates him 4 times this week already. He said when they go somewhere the kid always wants to go with his mommy and not him.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Carmen Electra interview and asked Howard what it was like to follow Dennis Rodman with her. Gary told Howard that people were upset with Howard because they still think he's lying about whether or not he had sex with her. Howard continued to say that he really didn't do anything sexual with her. He said he could just tell that she wasn't into him and didn't bother trying anything with her. Gary said some people were also upset with Howard for going off on Rebecca Romijn-Stamos after he heard that she wasn't coming on the show to promote her new movie. Howard said he's very defensive about his show and when a friend of his turns down doing the show he gets upset. He said he's not as angry as he was yesterday but he's still upset. He spent a few minutes talking about John Stamos and how they seem to befriend people who have been on the show. Robin was trying to find out if Howard thinks that John and Rebecca are really friends with him or not. He said he believes that they are friends and he would like to keep them as friends. Robin told him he should really try to fix the relationship then.
Howard killed a few minutes talking about how he was invited to the Osbourne's wedding vow renewal party. He said he doesn't want to go to it because he knows it'll turn into a TV show and he doesn't want to be part of it. Howard spent some time talking about his relationship with Ozzy and Sharon. He said he probably could have gotten Sharon to come on his show after they found out she had cancer but they didn't even think of doing that. He said that Barbara Walters is such a vampire that she calls her right up and puts her on 20/20 to talk about her cancer. Robin pointed out that Barbara got Ozzy to cry when she asked him what he's going to do if Sharon dies. Howard said he's envious of Ozzy's love for Sharon.
Jeff the Drunk finally showed up so Howard said he'd keep the segment short. Jeff was carrying a bag full of beer. Gary told Howard that when Jeff falls down you can hear a bunch of his beers breaking. Howard replayed it and tried to hear the breaking. The guys got a few more laughs from the clip. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that when they sent Jeff home yesterday they had to send down a big guy from the station to put him in a cab. The 200 pound guy wasn't able to get him into the cab so he asked for help. He also said that Jeff was choking on something yesterday and was turning purple in the green room.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that he heard that Jeff was thrown out of his hotel room yesterday. Jeff said the hotel people asked him to leave so he vanished for a long time during the day. Jeff said they did ask him to leave but gave a wacky explanation about his manager getting him another night there. He said that his manager told him they got him another night there but 5 minutes later they came and demanded that he leave. He left and went to a bar and hung out for a while.
KC said that nothing is ever good enough for Jeff and he's one of the toughest guests to deal with. Howard took a phone call from this guy Tim who said he doesn't want to see Jeff kill himself with alcohol. Jeff said Tim is the one who introduced him to Howard. Tim talked about how much Jeff drinks and how he hates to see that going on. KC and Howard also pointed out what a mess he is. KC said his fingernails are really long and Howard said he has snot dripping down into his moustache. He said there's a lot of stuff going on there.
KC said that Jeff's manager wants to meet him at the station at 3 o'clock today so Jeff wanted to sleep there for a few hours. KC said that when Jeff leaves the studio he's going to get really pissed and upset that he can't sleep there. Jeff said that he'll leave quietly if they want him to.
This guy called in and claimed to be Jeff's manager but after arguing with the guy for a few minutes they found out it was Sean the White Rapper. Gary and KC were talking about what a pain in the ass this guy is and it wasn't even him. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later and took a break.
Howard changed subjects and talked about the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest where a lucky listener will win $25,000 and a brand new Dodge Durango. All you have to do is roast one of the cast for 60 seconds or less, send it in on CD or cassette. The rules for the contest are on HowardStern.com. Howard said that so far they've only gotten one entry from High Pitch Erik. Howard played the clip and it sounded awful. Howard said he was really upset with the response to the contest so far. Erik roasted everyone on the show one at a time. He even went off on Robin but copied this other guy that calls in and badmouths her. He didn't have all that much to say in his recordings. Howard played one last clip where Erik tells Tom Chiusano to die. He didn't even finish playing that one though. Howard said if anyone else enters, they will have more of a chance of winning than Erik does.
Howard changed subjects again and talked about some of the plans the Mayor of New York City has planned. He wants to put up more tolls coming into the city and raise taxes in Manhattan. Howard said the city was doing really well before 9/11 and we should be bombing the terrorists like crazy now.
Howard said he read that Bobby Brown was arrested again for drug and traffic charges. Howard read the report and it said he had less than an ounce of pot on him and no proof of insurance on his car. Howard spent a few minutes talking about Bobby and his wife Whitney Houston and how they never get arrested at the same time. One is always available to bail the other one out.
A guy called in and asked Howard if he will ever make another movie. Howard said he's talked about that in the past and the answer is yes. The guy also asked Howard what his relationship is with Jackie the Joke Man. Howard said he really doesn't have a relationship with him anymore. Howard spent a short time talking about that old story again. The caller had a couple of other dopey questions that Howard answered. The guy asked if there are wedding bells in his future with Beth. Howard has talked about this before also and said that the word marriage isn't in his vocabulary anymore. He doesn't see a need to get married. The caller also asked Howard which of the guys he gets along with and which ones he doesn't. Howard said that Artie he really doesn't know that well. He said he doesn't know Fred that well either. Howard said he doesn't care about KC or Benjy. He said he likes Gary and Stuttering John. He hangs out with John quite a bit but he said he doesn't really trust him that much. Howard said he trusts Robin the most out of all of the guys on the show.
Jeff the Drunk was passed out on the couch in the green room so Howard and the guys decided to do some stuff to him. KC said they were thinking of shaving his eyebrows, shaving half his moustache, giving him a Hitler moustache, drawing a penis on his face and writing ''I like penis'' on his forehead. KC also said they could squirt shaving cream in his hand and then tickle his nose with a feather so he smashes the shaving cream in his face. Howard said the Hitler moustache and the penis on the face thing was good. He also liked the ''I like penis'' on the forehead thing. Artie said after they do all of that he can bang him too. KC said they could also get a bunch of gay porn pictures and paste them all over Jeff. The E! guys had a camera on him so they could watch as it went on. Howard told KC to get to work and suggested that they drop him off in Harlem after they do all of that stuff.
After taking a break Howard said Stuttering John was going to fart on Jeff the Drunk's face while he sleeps in the green room. John's fart disappeared for a minute but when it came back he tried to fart on him. He pulled down his pants but couldn't get the fart out. John was whispering and Artie thought it was funny how he stuttered while he whispered. Gary came in a second later and said John may have crapped his pants when he tried to fart. Gary said he ran to the bathroom after attempting the fart.
Howard read some news articles to kill some time before playing ''Win Fred's Money.'' Howard had an article about what our Presidents have done for exercise while they were in office in the past. Howard went through a bunch of the items that were in the article and then moved on to an article about computer hackers. One story was about a guy who figured out that a free whistle that came in Cap'n Crunch cereal could create a tone that would allow him to make free long distance phone calls way back in 1972. He eventually straightened himself out and went to work for Apple computers. Howard read about the guy who created the I Love You virus. He never did a day in jail because there were no laws in the Philippines where the virus originated.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted Howard to replay the OJ Simpson phony phone calls he played the other day that were done by this guy Kidd Chris (KiddShow.com). Howard replayed them and then played the call the guy made to George Takei. Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes goofing on Takei's voice after listening to the call.
John was in so he spent a few minutes telling Howard about some of the possible contestants they have for an upcoming ''It's Just Wrong.'' He gave Howard the stats on each of the women that want to be on. He also said that one brother claims that he bukaked his sister one time. Howard said he wants that guy to be included. There are a couple of women who claim to be better looking than Pam Anderson. John had some father/daughter teams who want to play also. One father is a retired pastor. John said they have a mother/daughter team that wants to play too. There are some sister teams and some other ''It's Just Wrong'' teams that John quickly went through with Howard. There were some really strange teams and John was laughing hysterically at some of the ideas he had for them. One sister had no legs and the guys ended up making a lot of bad jokes about that. Howard said ''Isn't that considered a 'half sister'?'' That got Artie and Stuttering John laughing hysterically. Artie said it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. Robin told them they were sick after hearing that joke. Howard said he wants to go for the mother/daughter ''It's Just Wrong'' so they put the word out that they need a couple more teams to call in if they want to play for the $10,000 prize.
Howard got to the game a short time later. Bethany claims that she does pretty good when she listens to the show and plays along. Howard sent Fred off to Robin's booth and asked Bethany the 7 questions. If she beats Fred, she wins $10,000 courtesy of Thors Hammer vodka.
Howard spent some time talking to the girls about how they were discovered and why they decided to model for Playboy. He also said that being a black Playboy model is still a pretty rare thing. He spoke to Nicole about that and of course about her sexual preferences and stuff like that. She told some sexy stories about her lesbian experiences. She said her first one was when she was 17 years old. She worked with this girl as a host in a restaurant. She said she'd never kissed a girl before that but they did it in front of some guys. Howard said he was touching himself as she told the story. She said there were two guys watching this going on. Lauren said the other girl went down on her but she got freaked out and didn't go down on the other girl.
Howard took a phone call and then spent some time talking to Lauren. He also read that Nicole dated actor Owen Wilson, Mark Wahlberg, Fred Durst and Bill Maher. She said that she just knows those guys though, she never dated them. She also had a run in with Sylvester Stallone one time. She said she tried to get a picture of him with her but when she didn't have her camera ready quick enough, he walked away. Howard said he would have done the same thing. Howard read some other stuff about both girls and asked them what kind of sex toys they like best. Both of them said they don't use toys. Howard then told Robin to tell them about her favorite toys. Robin didn't do that though, she just laughed it off.
After giving the girls a couple of plugs for the stuff they were promoting, he got Mike Walker on the phone to play his weekly Gossip Game. The guys spent a few minutes talking to Mike and then got to the game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the break Howard said after the interview Nicole stuck around and gave Howard an autographed copy of King magazine which she's appearing in. Howard said he thought that maybe she was leaving her phone number in there. He said he didn't bother opening the magazine. He asked the guys what they thought and they placed bets on whether or not her number would be in there. He read what she wrote. She thanked Howard for letting her be on the show and signed it but there was no phone number. Howard had Nicole come back in to find out what she was thinking. She said she didn't know why Howard would think that. She said she knows that Howard has a girlfriend and she respects that so she wouldn't leave his number. Howard said he doesn't respect relationships like that so why should she. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that and then moved on. Howard ended up losing $50 on the bet.