Mark's Friggin' Stern Show News

Howard Stern Show News Archives. April 1996

Another new station! 4-30-96. Grand Rapids Michigan is the latest market to get Howard. 94.5 WKLQ is where you can hear it.
The always annoying, Melrose Larry Green. 4-30-96. This amazingly annoying guy made it in to the studio once again this morning. All he can think about is how long his damn segment is going to be. He plugs his stupid phone number for some reason. Does anyone out there like this guy? And if you do, why? He's so annoying that my fingers are reaching for the tape player right now to turn it off. SHUT UP MELROSE!
John Goodman calls in. 4-30-96. Surprised? Don't be. Most of you are probably thinking, 'John Goodman from Roseanne called Howard?'. Well not even close. John Goodman, son of Dickie Goodman is the one that called in this morning. Dickie Goodman used to do these lame novelty songs where he'd play little pieces of popular songs when he'd ask a question. His son, John, called Howard this morning to, well I don't really know why the guy called in. Howard goofed on the guys dad for a while and played some of Dickies stuff. John sells beds by the way. I guess his dad didn't leave him much so John is trying to put a compilation record together of his fathers material. He kind of asked Howard if he'd like to work with him on the album. I think that Howard just ignored that question.
Marylou Henner calls in. 4-30-96. About a year and a half ago, Howard made a bet with Marylou that her show would be canceled within a year. If she lost she was supposed to take off her top and show Howard her breasts. Well her show was recently canceled so technically she's supposed to come down and take off her top. Well she says that the bet was that she'd be off before the end of '95 so she thinks that the bet is off. That's pretty much the whole story. She was on the phone for a few minutes and it was pretty dull.
Fresno California get's Stern. 4-29-96. Fresno California now gets to hear the King Of All Media on KFRR 104.1. The press conference didn't turn out to be the boring crap that it usually is. Some annoying people were really getting Howard pissed off this morning. First it was this guy Lanny Larson who wrote a nasty article about Howard recently. There was one other guy that got Howard REALLY pissed off. Lanny thinks that Fresno is different and that Howard won't become number one...ever. Howard argued with him saying that Fresno gets the same tv shows and the same movies as the rest of America so why would they treat radio any different. Lanny is one of those stupid reporters that will eat his words within the next couple of years. The second annoyer was this a-hole by the name of Michael Golden. He said that he watched the E! show and saw that Robin does nothing! Then Howard got in to it with this guy. Howard called him a scumbag and a loser at least 20 times. He's on a uhf tv channel in Fresno California. He's going nowhere according to Howard. Howard got so pissed he just ended the press conference.
Gange gets yelled at. 4-29-96. Well someone gets yelled at every day at the Stern show and today it was Gange's turn. I'm not even sure what started it all. I guess that it was the fact that Gange taped Robin's appearance on Letterman last Friday and didn't bring it in. Howard wasn't able to watch it because no one brought the damn tape in. So he yelled at Mike for a while about that but then it turned towards how Gange has no talent. He asks the same stupid questions every time he interviews someone after they've been interviewed by Howard. Howard tells Gange that he belongs in the construction business with his father.
Baba Booey kicked out of Canada! 4-29-96. Gary was supposed to go up to Canada to host an ultimate fighting thing. It's one of those fights were guys pound on each other with almost bare knuckles until there almost dead. So Gary flies up to Canada with his so called manager. Before they left the fight organizers told them that they might have a problem when they get up there 'so don't tell anyone what you're doing'. So Gary and his manager came up with stories like they were going to go to a hockey game and go bar hopping. They get to the airport and I guess customs stopped Gary. This woman took him in to a room and questioned him for about an hour or so. Gary just lied about everything but they knew who they had. Gary eventually had to tell them that he was part of the fight. They gave him two choices. 1. leave voluntarily and don't go to jail. 2. don't leave and stay detained until Monday morning when he could go in front of a judge. Of course Gary left voluntarily. Howard didn't really seem too upset about the whole thing. He usually freaks out on people when they make stupid appearances. Not today though. The rest of the people weren't so lucky. The guy who runs the fights called in later in the show and said that a bunch of the people were arrested for participating in an illegal fight! They're still in jail today!
Amy Lynn drops in. 4-29-96. That's pretty much the whole story. Amy dropped in to plug an appearance that she was making this morning. Howard hugged and kissed her as he usually does. He also complimented her to the point of making people vomit.
Stuttering John. 4-29-96. First interview of the day was with Nathan Lane from that movie ''The Birdcage'' John asked him 'why are you type cast as a homo?' some guy said 'that's enough' but Nathan recognized John so he hung in for the next question. 'Could you scream in that gay voice for me?' John says. Nathan said that it was too early for that, then he asks 'Was Robin Williams smelly?' then Nathan disappeared. The next interview was from the Essence Awards. Howard calls them the 'Black Essence Awards' since they're just for black people. Robin kept correcting Howard and he just kept calling it the 'Black Essence Awards'. The first interview from the Black Essence Awards was James Earl Jones. 'Did you ever do a one man show as Darth Vader?' said John. James laughed and said that they've got a license on that and walked away. Sinbad is next. 'how does it feel to be so harmless?' and 'can you believe that Whoopi and Halle Berry are in the same race?' were the first two questions. Sinbad hung in for a few more questions and didn't really answer them very clearly. Next up was Danny Glover from the 'Lethal Weapon' movies. 'Can you spell illiterate?' was the one question. Danny just said 'come on' and left. Next was Jesse Jackson. 'these are all black awards, would you be upset if there was an all white ivory award?' Jesse answered 'well the context of this is that blacks have a talent surplus and opportunity deficit. So this is an attempt to project black power on to the major market. It's not unusual for blacks to become stars in the black community before the general market will accept them and so this is in the best tradition of black radio and black television projecting blacks in to the broader market....' He went on and on and wouldn't shut up but you get the idea. John cut him off and said 'thank you thank you'. That may be the first time that John has done that. Next was David Bowie. 'What do you think of Howard Stern' David didn't know who Howard was. So John asked 'do you ever talk on the phone while you're sitting on the toilet?' David said that he doesn't have a phone near the toilet. He just answered in a monotone voice. Then John asks David's girlfriend, Iman, if Malato's are only allowed to stay for half the show. That's when he got kicked out. Then Doug from E! had his turn at asking questions. First up for Doug was Rodney Hampton. Doug asked a few tame questions and Rodney went on his way. Boys 2 men were next. Doug asked 'can I call you 'boys'?' and 'who's the biggest boy?' The guy didn't seem to understand the question. He answered the questions and went away. The best question of the day to Seal...'Hi what position do you play?' and then 'Are you Montel Williams?' Seal says 'Forget it' and walks away. Toni Braxton was next. 'Why do you have a mans name' and 'is it hard to hit the high notes when you're on your period?' were the tough ones asked. Toni says 'excuse me?' and said that she couldn't answer those questions. The last interview of the day was Patti LaBelle. 'Is it true that you recently had the fat sucked out of your ass?' Patti says 'OH, that's what I wanted to talk about, it's a lie and so is the lie about me having aids...I'm glad that you asked me that' then Doug had to ask 'What's more fun, winning an award or eating a case of Twinkies?' I don't have to tell you that she left after that question. She was so happy to answer the first one and then the Twinkie question was like a punch in the stomach. Well that's that for interviews today.
Porno dude. 4-29-96. Awhile back a porno star came in to get a few men to audition for a movie that she was going to do. The movie was going to be a record breaking attempt for the most men satisfied within a certain amount of time. Well this guy that came in today was one of the guys that came in for the audition. He told his story about going to the filming and getting 'satisfied' by the porno chick. He said that there were women there to get the guys up and running before the filming. He said that this woman was doing the oral thing on him and he blew his load. She yelled at him and he went off and got in the 172'nd place in line. It sounded like he had some fun there. He said that all the guys had to wear condoms and there was like a case full of them for the guys to use.
6'1'' Amy, licks peanut butter off of Howard. 4-26-96. This woman came in to eat Goobers out of Howard's belly button but ended up licking peanut butter off of his thighs. She's been in before and licked honey off of his thighs. Yesterday, Howard had an idea for this girl. He wanted her to lick peanut butter out of his arm pits! He changed his mind on that one since he has meetings with movie people today. He gave her a choice between eating Rasinettes out of his belly button, eating a banana from between his legs or licking the peanut butter. She chose to eat the Rasinettes first. They didn't have Goobers so they switched to Rasinettes. She ate them right up and even got a piece of belly hair in her mouth. After a commercial break, Howard had her get under the console and do some licking. She spent some time down there! The next thing you know, she's eating a banana from between his legs. This woman was even tested for a part in Howard's movie. If you'd like to meet Amy, just go to Hooters in Manassas Virginia and ask for her.
Mark Hamill calls in. 4-26-96. Mark Hamill, from Star Wars, called in this morning to plug an appearance at the Virgin MegaStore in NYC tomorrow. Mark was defending himself against reports in the National Inquirer. The reports had quoted Mark saying that he thought that Star Wars had held back his career. Mark says that he never even spoke to the National Inquirer. He has nothing against Star Wars and his career is doing just fine with the video games that he stars in. He's in Wing Commander 3 and 4 and says that he gets a good part of the money made off of those games. He'll be signing copies of the games at the Virgin Mega Store in New York City, Saturday.
Geraldo comes in. 4-26-96. Geraldo was in for a little visit this morning. Why, I don't know. Howard was asking Geraldo about going out with Margot Kidder a long time ago. Geraldo didn't want to say much about it. Then the subject of Kato Kaelin came up. Geraldo says that he is now friends with Kato. Now that Kato has finally said that he believes that O.J. killed Nicole. So that makes him okay to Geraldo. Some woman called in and accused Geraldo of beating his wife 30 years ago. Geraldo denied it of course. The woman said that she was the superintendent of the building where he lived. Geraldo, at first, said that he remembered living in that building but when the woman made the accusation, he denied even living there. Hmmmm.. Sounds suspicious to me.
Kenny F'ing up already? 4-26-96. Well it sure looked that way early this morning. A listener up in Albany called in early this morning saying that the show wasn't on the air yet. The caller gave Kenny a new name... 'Pud Puffer'. Howard got Kenny on the phone and asked him what was going on. Kenny said that he was having problems with the satellite feed. So he's off the hook for now. So maybe he's smoked a couple of doobs lately...he says that he's been in to work at 5:15 every morning.
Howard confirm's wife role. 4-26-96. It is true that Mary McCormick from Murder One will be playing Howard's wife.
Who will play Howard's wife? 4-25-96. According to Extra, the tv show, Mary McCormick from ABC's Murder One will be playing Howard's wife Allison in Private Parts the movie.
Bring your daughter to work day. 4-25-96. Howard came in this morning and told Robin that his daughter wanted to come in for 'bring your daughter to work day' tomorrow. Robin says ''that's not tomorrow, it's today!'' Howard had misunderstood a letter that Emilly had left for him on the kitchen table. So he got a limo to run over to his house to pick up both of his daughters. They came in at the end of Sandra Bernhard's interview. They met Sandra and asked her who she was. After Sandra left and Howard came back from commercial, Emilly and Debra were saying how ugly Sandra was and how she had ''an annoying nose''. Nice kids, huh? Howard had Tom Chiusano take the kids on a tour of the station so he and Robin could do the news.
Sandra Bernhard comes in. 4-25-96. The odd looking Sandra Bernhard was in this morning to plug her USA Network tv show, Real Wild Cinema, which is on Sunday nights at midnight. Sandra is also still on Roseanne once in a while. Howard says that Sandra used to be the best guest on David Letterman's show. Sandra said that the last time she was on Letterman, he treated her rudely. So now she does Leno's show and he treats her pretty well.
Ken the Albany Producer update. 4-25-96. Grillo told Howard that Ken told him that he smoked a little pot. Howard got him on the phone and he verified the story. He said that he hasn't had a drink in 4 weeks! Congratulations! No alcohol but he's still smoking pot. He hasn't told his A.A. counselor that he's smokin' but Howard told him that he should. Ken said that he can't wait until Jackie goes up there to do an appearance. I guess he wants to smoke with him.
Robin's theme song contest update. 4-25-96. The songs are rolling in and there are some really funny ones. So if you're planning on making one, get it in before May 1! The contest end's on May 1 and the winner will be announced on May 6.
Divine Brown, ex-whore. 4-25-96. Remember Hugh Grant's run in with that hooker? Well this is the hooker. She came in this morning to plug her porno movie. Howard started off by complimenting Divine's nice teeth. Then he moved on and asked her how long it would take to put a condom on a banana. Divine said 3 seconds. So Howard pulled out a banana and a condom and put her up to it. She wasn't expecting to actually do this but she went along. Howard counted aloud ''..one alligator..two alligator..three alligato...whoa..3 alligators..'' and she was done putting it on. Next up were questions about being a hooker and questions about Hugh Grant. She never does anything other than fellatio! She says that she only used her mouth or her hand... So then Howard asked Divine how much she'd charge him for a little bliss. She never gave a straight answer. Then he told Fred to pretend to be a 'John' . Fred did his thing and Divine said that she wouldn't get in his car. She said that he was too scary! Then it was Jackie's turn. She said that she wouldn't get in with him because he looks too much like a cop...must be the Irish in him. Then we find out that Divine is hanging around with Jack Gordon, Latoya Jackson's husband. She's also hanging around with, porno star, Ron Jeremy. Howard never lets Ron in to the studio when he shows up. Does anyone care? Howard asked Divine about Hugh Grant and his weenie. Turns out that Hugh's weenie is tiny according to Divine. She said that Hugh pulled it out and showed it to her when he pulled up in his car.
Fred is still hanging in there. 4-24-96. After yesterday's mess, Fred is still with the show. After the show yesterday, Fred didn't show up for the daily meeting. Then he canceled a meeting with the Private Parts production people! Howard didn't mind him missing the show meeting but canceling the production meeting really pissed him off. According to Fred, Super agent Don Buchwald calmed him down and talked some sense in to him. Howard replayed the whole argument this morning. Then the guy that started the whole thing was on the phone again. He pretty much apologized for bringing the thing up.
Contacting the late Sam Kinison. 4-24-96. Howard has done this bit before. He says that a lightning storm, down in Texas where Sam is buried, knocked down a phone line on to Sam's grave and Sam is able to contact Howard from the dead. So this Sam Kinison sound alike guy calls in as Sam and does some material. The guy's voice is amazingly close to Sam's and the whole thing is very eerie. 'Sam' says that Jackie's dead retarded cat, Timmy, is down there with him. The cat is really pissed off at Jackie according to 'Sam'. He says that he's not in heaven or hell, he has a pass to both. He says that he has to babysit for Susan Smith's kids. He also said that if anyone sees the rest of Kurt Cobain's head, send it on down.
Robin to appear on Late Show with David Letterman. 4-24-96. Set your vcr's, Robin is going to be plugging the paperback version of her book, Quivers a life, on Late Show with David Letterman. She's supposed to be on this Friday night, April 26.
Rodney Hampton comes in. 4-24-96. Rodney Hampton, running back for the New York Giants, came in this morning. I'm not a big football fan so I don't even know who the hell this guy is. Howard was trying to hook this guy up with Robin. Boring interview...not worth talking about.
Fred quitting!? 4-23-96. It all started off like any other phone call. A guy calls in and says that he saw Fred and Jackie, with their wives, at The Rainbow Room on Saturday night. The Rainbow Room is some kind of fancy restaurant or dance place in New York. The 4 of them were there to celebrate Jackie and Nancy's anniversary. This caller said that he saw Fred freak out in an argument with his wife Alison. He said that Fred knocked over some drinks and go storming off. Jackie and Nancy didn't see the fight because they were in a different part of the place. Howard was curious about what had gone on so he started asking Fred what had happened. Fred just said that he got in a fight and thought that if he left he'd be better off. Instead of fighting more and more, Fred just left. No one wanted to bring up the subject of the fight, especially Fred. Fred kept saying that Howard was going over the line. He was pushing too far in to his personal life. Howard kept on him about it and Fred just got even more mad. Then Fred's wife called in to yell at the guy that called in and broke the story! Fred even said that today would be his last day because Howard was entertaining this guy on the phone. Howard told him to think about what he was saying. Fred said that he had and today would be his last day. Then Jackie's wife called in to yell at the guy on the phone. What do these people expect when they go out in public? If you're any type of celebrity or semi-celebrity then anything that you do out in public will be publicized. So I guess we'll have to wait until tomorrow to see if Fred does show up for work. I'll keep you posted.
Tempest comes in for a visit. 4-23-96. Tempest the lovely stripper came in today to plug some stuff that she's doing.(check out her page over at Kevin's newsletter for dates) Howard got to kiss her back and feel how hard her breasts were. I'm sure that there'll be some kind of article on Kevin's page since that's where Tempest's home page is.
Baba Booey makes a phony phone call. 4-23-96. Howard gets mail from listeners asking him to show up at things like weddings. Of course he never will but they took this opportunity to make a phony phone call to one guy. This guy Tom had sent mail in and asked Howard to appear at a wedding. Gary called the guy with a bunch of outrageous rules. Gary told the guy that Howard does this once in a while...yeah right. So the rules are read to the guy. The first rule is no pictures or video of Howard. The next one is that only 10 people can come up to Howard while he's there. The guy agrees to the rules. Howard can come to the ceremony and make a short appearance as long as the thing only lasts 10 minutes. The guy says that he'll talk it over with his fiance. Then Gary says that they should save some of the rice to throw at Howard. Gary said that Howard should be the one to remove the garter, Tom says that there won't be a garter! Then Gary says that Howard should squeeze the wife's ass. Howard would stand up and do some material. Gary asked the guy if there was any ugly brides maids, the guy said that there was some that could be goofed on. Then he asked him if there was any physically challenged or retarded cousins. The guy says ''....uuuummm no....'' Any midgets? Then the guy starts to realize that this is all kind of nutty. The guy was taking notes the whole time. Then Gary finally tells the guy what was going on. The guy was really in to the idea, even if he had to do all of this weird stuff.
Big tooth contest. 4-23-96. A couple of days ago this guy called in and said that he could beat Gary in a big tooth contest. 19 year old Marco was invited up to the station and came in this morning. As soon as the guy walked in Howard said that he's got a good run at the money. The next thing that Howard noticed was Marco's bad case of acne. They busted on him for a while on that. Gary thought the guy might be retarded...look who's talking. He's not retarded but he's still in high school! Howard said that Marco's teeth were nice compared to Gary's. Marco can actually close his lips over the large teeth, unlike Gary who has a problem keeping those slug lips over his giant chicklets. Howard compared closing a packed suitcase with closing Gary and Marco's lips. A ruler was brought out to measure the teeth. Gary's front upper tooth was 3/4 of an inch. Marco's tooth was just slightly longer. So Marco wins the coveted 'Big Teeth Award'. Howard kept Marco in to find out a little more about his life. He delivers groceries, he's still in high school, although he is a senior, he'll be 20 in may just in time for graduation! Howard called him ''a losers loser''. He was left back a few times in school. He wants to be in computer science when he grows up. He thinks that he's going to college someday.
Caller of the week. 4-23-96. This weeks winner for Caller Of The Week was the Caribbean guy that called in on 4-18-96. The two other contestants were women that called in. One was a woman that said that she had sexual dreams about Howard's wife, Allison. The other woman's call was to yell at Robin. The woman called Robin the 'N' word...you know... nig*er!
Stuttering John out and about. 4-23-96. Stuttering John was out again annoying the celebrities as best as he could. First up was Andy Rooney from 60 minutes. Then came Mary Tyler Moore once again. Mary hung in for the usual mess of questions. She seems to have a good sense of humor, not like most celebrities. Next was G.E. Smith from Saturday Night Live. John says to G.E. ''...ballsacksayswhat?'' G.E. didn't have a clue as to what he was saying. John then asked him ''...does your breath always smell this bad?'' G.E. Said yes. John asked him the ball sack question once again and G.E. Still didn't know what he said. Roseanne Cash, Johnnie Cash's daughter, was next. John asked her if she ever got horny watching Howard on E! She said that she hates Howard. She likes Rosie O'Donnell the fat headed unfunny freak. John tried the 'ballsacksayswhat' on this woman but she said that she wouldn't fall for that. Up next was Katie Kuric from NBC or ABC or what ever news. John asks her ''..is crime down in New York because there are more cops on the streets or because the schvartzah's have finally calmed down?'' Katie then recognized John and wouldn't answer any more questions but said to tell Howard 'Hi' for her. Walter Cronkite was next. Walter has yelled at John before. John's first question was an easy one... ''Why are there so few black anchors?'' Walter started to answer but was cut off by his wife and some other bitch that told them who John was. Walter then left. Next up, Paula Zahn from CBS morning news. John asks her ''Who are you? Deborah Norville, Paula Zahn, Katie Kouric or neither?'' She say's ''..lets see, I think I'm Paula Zahn'' Then he asks her if her breath smells like this all the time. She played along with the questions and answered them. Then some guy came and said ''okay, let's call it quits right here'' He said that the questions weren't appropriate. So there ya have it...
The case of the missing pot. 4-22-96. First thing this morning Howard brought up an interesting story. Apparently, someone stole a bit of an unnamed substance from Jackie's bag. Howard wouldn't say what the substance was since it would probably get Jackie in big trouble with either the cops or K-Rock Management. I'm just assuming that it was weed since that's the Jokeman's favorite hobbies. Jackie accused Ralph the leach immediately after the incident. Ralph denies it and Howard seems to believe him. I wonder what lesson this taught Jackie...
Corky, the loser, update. 4-22-96. Corky called in again today. I think Howard has finally figured out that this guy is an a-hole and all he does is complain. Corky started off complaining about his Rain Forest Concert tickets AGAIN! He complained about them the day he picked them up and he's still bitching and moaning about it. He didn't have anything new to talk about today and Howard told him not to call back until he does. If that's the case, I don't think that he'll ever call again! His favorite subject it complaining about his soon to be ex-wife, Miss Howard Stern 1994, Elaine Marks.
Howard gets an Emmy!? 4-22-96. That's right, Howard now has an Emmy award to put in his office. Some guy, Dan, came in today with a large box. He had a story to tell to Howard that went something like this... Dan was out in a canoe on some river or something, he sees a 3 year old kid fall out of another canoe and get tangled up in a mangrove field. The kid is drowning so Dan rescues him. He goes in to this story in more detail than this of course. So he rescues the kid and the parents are very appreciative. It turns out that the father of the kid is a big wig in the Emmy award thing. So Dan and the father of the kid start talking and it turns out that the Emmy guy is a fan of Howard's and he offers to give Dan an Emmy award to give to Howard. So Dan agrees and brings the Emmy to Howard... or so Dan says. After Howard has thanked Dan and he's getting ready to leave, Dan says that the whole story was made up! He scammed Gary to get in to the studio. But things aren't all bad. The Emmy award is real and the guy really did give it to Howard. The Emmy award was borrowed for a photo session 4 years ago and Dan never returned it. So he gave it to Howard. Dan is on Prodigy, his name is Bambi Cakes or something close to that.
Las Vegas Station changes format. 4-22-96. KFBI, 107.5, in Las Vegas has changed format from classic rock to modern rock. It doesn't mean anything to me but maybe someone out there will be interested...
Howard goes to #1 in Cleveland! 4-22-96. Howard has finally made it to the top of the heap in Cleveland Ohio. According to some article that Howard read, it took almost 2 years to achieve this feat.
Howard talks to Bob Grant. 4-19-96. For those of you that don't know who Bob Grant is, I'll explain. He's an AM talk show host in NYC. He was fired from WABC radio a few days ago for some statements that he made about the late Ron Brown. It turns out that Disney owns WABC and they just didn't want anything to do with controversy. Howard came out against Disney and WABC for the firing and took Bob Grants side in this thing. Bob has said some stuff in the past that has gotten him in trouble. He called the LA rioters 'savages'. People called him racist for that statement but Howard sees it a different way. Just because you call people savages, that happen to be mostly black, you shouldn't be called racist. So anyway, Howard told Bob that he was on his side in this thing. Bob thanked Howard for that.
Teri Hatcher e-mail update. 4-19-96. Howard had Teri Hatcher on his show a couple months ago and she gave him her e-mail address. They wrote back and forth a couple of times and then Teri didn't respond for a while. Well she sent Howard some e-mail recently telling Howard that she read a copy of the Private Parts script and loved it. She said that it was the funniest thing she's read. She also said that she's good friends with the woman that's going to be playing Allison.
Carmen Electra comes in. 4-19-96. Carmen Electra is a 23 year old ex-girlfriend of Prince(or the artist formerly known as prince). She came in with her current boyfriend, B Real, from Cypress Hill. B Real lost to Jackie in a joint rolling contest a little while back. Howard questioned Carmen about her relationship with Prince and the usual sex questions. Howard had her dance to the usual song, 'This Is How We Do It', although she wanted to dance to her favorite Prince song, 'Pussy Control' I'm sure that everyone in the audience would have rather heard 'Pussy Control' This is one of those interviews that's better for TV than for radio. I was kind of boring, but that's just my opinion. Too boring for me to motivate me enough to write anymore about it.
'Smokin' Joe Frasier. 4-19-96. Boxer, Joe Frasier, came in to plug his book. He bad mouthed Mohammed Ali most of the time he was there. He was doing impressions of Mohammed that were pretty funny. Robin didn't find it so funny since she's a HUGE fan of Mohammed. But then again, you can't tell if Robin dislikes something since she laughs at every f'n thing. Joe shouldn't be the one making fun of someone's speech pattern. He sounds like a deaf retard when he talks. He's on his way to sounding just like Mohammed Ali.
Private Parts update. 4-19-96. Howard has been preparing for the filming of his movie. He's been in pre-production for a couple of months and yesterday he was testing for hair and makeup. He and Robin were being filmed with their wigs and makeup on to test out different films. Both of them were impressed at how young they looked. Howard was complaining that his nipples hurt. He says that when they dress him up to look really young, they put on this really tight t-shirt-like thing to hold in his gut. He said that after wearing it a few times it irritated his nips. Filming begins in a couple of weeks for the real thing. That should be interesting...
ASHLEY FINALLY POTTY TRAINED! 4-18-96. Well it's not really that big of a story but I thought it was funny. Howard announced today that his daughter, Ashley, is finally potty trained. WOOO HOOOO! She's only made poopies in her underwear once lately. Congratulations Ash!
Nikki Tyler from the Tonight Show appearance. 4-18-96. Remember Howard's last appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno? With the Lesbians? Well one of them was in the studio to plug something that I can't even remember right now. She posed for Howard and didn't show her breasts. Howard doesn't understand why strippers come in and don't get naked. They get naked in front of 100 guys in a go-go bar but not in front of 3 guys in the studio. Go figure! Since she wouldn't show her boobs, Howard got her to be 'Butt Bongoed' instead. She sure yanked those shorts down quicker than her top! Howard got her across his lap and started to butt bongo her to Robin's theme song. She wasn't really in to it. She wasn't moaning like most women do. So he went to the old reliable ''This Is How We Do It'' song that he plays every single time someone dances in the studio. She never did get in to it. Howard did say that she smelled great even with her pants down! He also said that most of the time he has to wear a clothespin on his nose when he's that close to that area. After she left, Howard was still aroused. He sounded like he was about to yank it out and spank it! She must have been really hot. Howard Gary and Jackie got in to a discussion about spankin' their monkeys in their cars. Howard has never done it. But good ol' Baba Booey has. After dropping off his date, one time, Gary just couldn't hold out any longer. He spanked it right in his car!
Officer Kevin Gillespie's brother comes in. 4-18-96. Slain NYC officer, Kevin Gillespie's brother came in this morning to thank Howard for everything good that he's said about his brother and a fund raiser that's being done to raise money for Kevin's family. Kevin's brother, Patrick Bahnkin, talked about a softball game that's going to happen sometime soon. One of Kevin's co-workers also almost brought tears to everyones eyes as he spoke about how great the late officer was. Kevin was killed recently by a group of men that were pulled over for stealing a car. The three men got out of their car and shot Kevin. The good news is that they were caught. The bad news is that the District Attorney in the district doesn't want them to get the new death penalty enforced on them. So anyway, this fund raiser is a softball tournament that will consist of 26 teams, a bar-b-q and demonstrations. If you'd like to get in to the softball tournament or donate food to the thing just dial 1-212-860-6586.
Paraplegic comes in to discuss gettin women. 4-18-96. Another story that falls flat. For those of you that missed this interview, you didn't miss anything. This guy came in to talk about how to pick up women. The catch was that he's a paraplegic.
Caribbean dude calls in. 4-18-96. This guy should be chosen for Caller of the week. He called in to debate Howard about the death penalty. He says that the death penalty shouldn't be enforced on cop killers any more than on some other person. Howard told the guy to go back to his country because he doesn't know what he's talking about. The guy started yelling 'It doesn't matta' just like that woman did a few months ago. He sounded just like her. Howard and this guy went at it for a good 5 minutes. A cop called in and tried to explain to this moron that when someone has the balls to kill a cop, they're a bigger threat to society than another killer may be and they should make an example out of them.
Howard in depositions for his Evergreen Media lawsuit. 4-18-96. Howard has been mentioning these depositions lately. He has this law suit against this Evergreen Media because they won't pay him what they owe him on his contract which Evergreen broke. They tossed him off of this Chicago station and refuse to pay him. He was saying that they were listening to some of Howard's show in court to show how filthy he is and all of the lawyers were laughing, except the head lawyer for Evergreen. I'm sure we'll hear more about this case as it goes on.
Jackie's wife Nancy to be on America's Most Wanted. 4-18-96. That's right, the big actress said today that she did a part for America's Most Wanted. She doesn't know when it will air. Howard had her in the studio to rub up against her today. He was grabbing her ass and rubbing up against her because he was so sexed up today. She just had to plug something because she was on the air. Jackie and Nancy just have to get something for everything they do.
James the unfunny, smelly intern and his comedy coach. 4-17-96. Smelly James brought his so called comedy coach in for show and tell today. This woman didn't do any of her own comedy today and she sure didn't sound like any fun. This woman used to be in some comedy troop called ''The First Amendment''. She said that there were a couple of famous people that came out of that troop including Bruce Willis and John Leguizamo(House of Buggin, Mambo Mouth). Personally I think that John Leguizamo may be one of the unfunniest comedians on earth, so I called in and voiced my opinion on the air(so much for screening the calls). The woman said that it wasn't true, but what would she know? She's teaching James and look at how horrible he is. She charges $50 a session for this crap and she thinks that there is some talent in him! ''He needs to hone his material...'' she says. I think he needs to melt it down and start from scratch, not hone it. James did some more of his material while the coach was there and Howard wanted her opinion on the material. He once again bored us to tears with his droning voice. He reads off of cards in this awful monotone. And the worst part is that you can tell that he's reading. In the middle of the interview Howard asked James if his lips were blue, James said that he had some ''cream'' on them and it wasn't blue, it was white. Well a little later, Howard found out that it was HEMORRHOID CREAM! James' lips were chapped and he was out of ChapStick so he improvised with friggin HEMORRHOID CREAM! Hemorrhoid cream shrinks your hemorhoids, I can't imagine what it must have been doing to his lips! Howard said the fool was even licking his lips with that crap on them! What a nut!
Sean the intern update. 4-17-96. Unfortunately, the latest scoop on Sean and his girlfriend of 5 years is that they've broken up! Sean is the guy that hasn't been able to bang his girlfriend because of his penis size(or so he says). He wasn't at the station today so we'll have to wait until next week for the whole story.
Howard makes another phony phone call. 4-17-96. Howard must be on a phony phone call kick. He made a phony call to some guy that wanted to make a CD-Rom game for him. He pretended like he really wanted to do this cd-rom. He came up with ideas that should have freaked the guy out like ''Mash the Mexicans'', a game where you pick a weapon like a baseball bat, what you do is go to a bad part of a city like Los Angeles and try to mash the mexicans. The cd-rom guy didn't even flinch when Howard pitched the idea. Another game was ''Dootie Pac-man'', you'd be Pac-Man in the New York harbor cleaning all the fecal matter out of the water.
STERN DEATH THREAT! 4-16-96. Entertainment Tonight reported that Samuel Kalea(spelling?) of Buffalo New York was arrested this morning outside of the K-Rock studio for yelling death threats at The King Of All Media. A stolen shotgun was found in the mans trunk. Howard didn't mention this on the air today. For more on this story, visit The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter.
The Robin's Theme Song contest! 4-16-96. Here it is, uncut, uncensored. That's right, Robin's theme song! Howard finally played it all the way through for us to tape. If you'd like to win a Kawasaki Jet Ski, just take this music and put words to it. Then just mail your cassette in to The Stern Show and you'll be entered. All tapes must be received by the end of the business day, Wed. May 1. The winner will be announced May 6, 1996. Send your tape to:

Robin's Theme Contest
C/O WXRK Radio
600 Madison Ave.
New York, NY 10022
Ethan the 14 year old comedian VS. James the smelly intern. 4-16-96. Last week a 14 year old kid called in after James did his sucky stand up routine. He told Howard that he's better than James and could beat him in a contest. So today he came in. For some reason, James forgot that the kid was coming in. I guess that's his excuse for sucking again this morning? Some of his routine was just plain stolen from Eddie Murphy but he didn't even tell the joke correctly! He blew it once again. The kid did his stuff and it was funny enough to get a laugh out of me. He told jokes about his parents, school and some other corny stuff. Did I just say 'Corny'? Okay... Then Howard plunked down the phone and got the audience response. People were very much so in favor of Ethan. James just has no ability to be funny. When Howard was done taking phone calls he played Jackie's old Star Search tape for this kid Ethan. Jackie was on Star Search back in 1986 or so and lost to a guy named Steve O. Jackie says that he did just fine on that show, yet he lost by a quarter of a point.
Howard on Australian radio? 4-16-96. Some Australian radio dork called Howard this morning. He just wanted the King Of All Media to make an appearance on ''Tripple M'' radio. The idiot calls his show ''The Rubber Room''. Howard asked the guy what type of show it was and the guy just mumbled a couple of useless things. Australian man eventually told Howard that his station is the number one rock station in Australia, reaching 5.5 million people. Howard didn't give a crap. Howard kept asking the guy what he wanted but he wouldn't say. Then the guy said something that got the delay button pushed. It had something to do with lesbians and penis. But because of that stupid delay I couldn't hear it. Howard then just hung up on the lame ass.
George Hamilton film festival. 4-16-96. I don't even know if this is worth mentioning. Howard goofed on George Hamilton's career by playing a couple of clips from some lame George Hamilton movies. Howard dislikes George Hamilton by the way. The thing only lasted about 10 minutes. Maybe this isn't news...
Robin on NBC TONIGHT! 4-15-96. Robin will be in the NBC movie ''Deadly Web'' tonight at 9:00 EST. Check your local listings for the local NBC channel and actual time of airing.
Gary's musical ability. 4-15-96. Howard and Gary got in to an argument over Gary's musical talent during a commercial for some computer, virtual reality guitar, software. Gary told Howard that he was more talented at playing the guitar than Howard. Howard disagreed heavily and started telling Gary how stupid he is. Gary played the trumpet in school so he thinks that he's talented. Howard can play the guitar, although not that well, enough to almost sound like he knows what he's doing. The argument went on for the rest of the morning. Howard told Gary to bring in a trumpet to show how well he can play. Gary said that he's ''lost his lip'' for trumpet playing. That statement was wrong for sure!
John Stossel from 20/20 on the phone. 4-15-96. John Stossel, who did a 20/20 piece about Howard a few months ago, called in to plug something today. Howard pretty much just complained about the show and told John that it wasn't really fair. He also told him that it was just like every other interview that has been done with him. Howard has a bootleg tape of the crew of 20/20 before they went on the air for the Howard piece. They rehearsed what they would say about Howard before they went on the air! John just sat back and listened to Howard. John said to Howard 'you have 4 or 5 million listeners, we have 20...'' So why the hell is he on the show plugging something? F-John Stossel! Howard just got him off the phone...why bother with the guy?
The Virgin intern update. 4-15-96. On Friday, this intern told Howard his story of not being able to have sex with his girlfriend of 5 years. Today he was in again and his girlfriend was on the phone. She didn't give her name because she was sort of embarrassed. This intern, Sean, thinks that his weenie is too big for her. Howard saw it on Friday and said it wasn't that big. It turns out that she doesn't go screaming out of the room when he tries to enter, she just complains that it hurts too much so he stops. A doctor called in and told them that it might just be a muscle contraction that won't let him in. Other people on the phone said that her hymen may need to be cut! OUCH! Robin seems to think that she should go out with a different guy because she doesn't seem to like this guy enough. Howard thinks that she just needs to liqueured up a bit. He want's Jackie to chaperon the two of them tomorrow night and get them wasted enough to live with the pain. Howard also told Sean that he should get a vibrator and use that to get her hot enough. Howard had Gary get him a vibrator and a rubber woman so that he could demonstrate for Sean. Once again this was a censored show so the delay button was hit quite a few times during the interview. It made it hard to follow. More on this later...
Kenny from Albany update. 4-15-96. Kenny called in this morning to give Howard an update on his condition. He's still clean so far. Kenny told Howard that he was still looking for a job but the Albany station had offered him his position back. Howard got a little bit upset that Kenny was offered the job, but not because he didn't want Kenny back. Howard said that he had arranged a bit around the whole thing and the Albany station wasn't supposed to tell Kenny about the job. Howard was going to have Kenny beg to get his job back. The program director up there was in on the joke and he still blew it by offering the job back to Ken. When will these people learn? So Gary tried to call up to the station to talk to the program director but they couldn't get through. Kenny chimes in and says that he's on the phone up at the station! He's not working yet but he's at the damn station.
Caller of the week. 4-15-96. Caller of the week contenders were:
1. Daniel Carver yelling at an Indian woman.
2. A woman that called in about the way Asian people eat dogs and cats.
3. The phony phone call that Howard did to James the smelly intern.
Howard was going to give the prize, Tori Amos tickets, to Daniel Carver but after listening to a bit of the James call, he changed his mind. He and Robin both agreed that it should go to the James phony phone call. James wasn't there to accept the prize, maybe tomorrow.
Alan the AOL intern. 4-15-96. That's right, another intern doing weird stuff. This guy goes on America Online with the screen name of STRNINTRN or something like that and tells everyone that he's an intern on the show. I knew of him before today because he'd contacted me a couple of months ago about my games. I didn't believe that he was an intern until today. Anyway, this guy goes on a lot and hangs out in the Howard Stern chat rooms. He met some woman out in California online and got friendly with her. This woman had some trouble with her husband where he ended up throwing something big and heavy at her. She didn't want to hang around there so she contacted Alan and asked if she could stay with him. Then this morning he calls in to talk to Howard. He told people in the office that she was in bed right next to him. Gary thought that he had banged her. Turns out that she just slept in the same bed! He didn't even try anything with her. Howard and the crew goofed on the guy for a while, calling him a homo and playing ''Homo says what?'' tapes over and over again.
Sparkles. 4-12-96. There have been some odd people on the Howard Stern show in the past but this woman has just taken wackiness to a new level. At about 10:30 this morning, a college student came in to the studio, did her stuff and wouldn't leave! Her main story was about cleansing her bowels. She was telling her homemade recipe for flushing her colon. One night she ate some Taco Bell crap, the next day she went on a caffeine only diet. She drank tons of coffee to loosen herself up. And when she'd get hungry she'd just drink spring water. Whatever she was talking about must have been dirty because the delay was f'n up the show big time. It was hard to follow the story. Anyway, she went on to plug some bands and her college down in North Carolina. Then Howard asked her to leave and she'd just say ''wait, I have to tell you...'' Howard must have done that like 5 times! Gary told her that if she didn't leave that they'd go to break and he wouldn't be so nice getting her out of the studio. Then she pulls out a CD of some band and asks Howard to play it and she'll strip. Howard played a little of it just to get her the hell out of the studio. After doing all of that, she finally left the studio. By then, Howard had a woody because she was so good looking. All the guys agreed that she's someone that they'd have sex with but they wouldn't be able to sleep afterwards because they'd be afraid of what she might do.
Yet another wacky intern story. 4-12-96. Here's one more interesting story from the Stern Show intern pool. Howard asked this 21 year old intern to tell his little story that he told the other interns. He says that he, and his girlfriend of 5 years, have never been able to have sex. He says that he's 'too big' for her. Meaning his weenie is too big. He said that when they've tried to do it, she goes crying and screaming out of the room. Howard wanted Jackie to look at the guys weenie to see if it really is big. Jackie refused to do it. Howard then told Gary to do it but Gary wouldn't do it alone. He told Howard that both he and Howard should do it together so that it's not a homo thing. So they looked at it in an un-aroused state and said it was normal, bigger than Howard's, but normal. Howard's going to have both of them in on Monday to council them. Stay tuned.
Phony phone call to Howard. 4-12-96. Yesterday Howard was fooled in to thinking that his daughter was on the phone by the taped voice of a listeners daughter! This guy called in on the main number at K-Rock and asked to be transferred to a certain extension. He was transferred right in to Howard's office. Gary picked up the phone and the guy played a tape of his daughter saying ''is my daddy there...it's Ashley(Howard's youngest)...'' Gary immediately handed the phone to Howard. The guy played some more of the tape... ''hi daddy....I made poopie on the pottie...'' Howard was thrilled because he's been trying for the longest time to pottie train Ashley. Howard just kept saying ''...you made peepee on the pottie...daddy loves you...you're a big girl...'' The guy making the call kept rewinding the tape so the kid would repeat herself over and over. Eventually Howard heard the tape recorder buttons being pushed and told everyone in the office that it was a listener playing a tape. The guy got on the phone and called Howard a 'huge honkered, half heeb'. Howard told him that the tape recorder was too low and 'that could have been a great call' , the guy responded ''what do you mean, could have? It was great!'' Howard agreed and told the guy that he could come on the air with the tape.
Chris Doohan on the phone. 4-12-96. Chris Doohan is the son of James Doohan. James Doohan played Scotty on the old Star Trek TV shows and movies. Chris sent Howard a letter to let him in on a new restaurant that he's going to be opening. He had him on the phone and Chris was telling Howard that it'll be a futuristic pub with Star Trek-like stuff inside. Scotty's Pub, as it will be called, will also have Star Trek memorabilia hanging around like in a Planet Hollywood. Howard won't invest in this crazy idea.
Fresno California to get the Stern Show 4-12-96. Howard read an article this morning that announced the fact that KFRR, 104.1 in Fresno California, will be carrying the show starting April 29.
Sam Kinison's death...4 years ago today. 4-11-96. Howard played the 'Sounds Of Kinison' tribute song this morning to remember the great comedian. It almost brought tears to my eyes. A moment of silence please......
Howard does a phony phone call to James the smelly intern. 4-11-96. This dude, James, has been doing some wacky stuff around the station lately. People tell Howard stories about how rude he is and how he peeked in to the studio when there was a naked girl in there. He doesn't deny it but he downplayed it with his explanations. Howard brought him in the studio to ask him about the wacky things but then he surprised him by telling him that he was this 'Bud Dreyton' guy that called yesterday. James was sucked in by Howard's phony call so well that he was telling people that he was going to fly out to California for a new job. Some time yesterday Howard called James with a raspy gay voice and told him that he was this comedy agent. He wanted James to come to California to do some of his material. Then Bud(Howard) started asking James if he would like to come out and stay at his place in California and if he'd like to sleep in the same 'king sized' bed. James never said that he wouldn't! Howard strung him along for the longest time. Then Howard started doing his 'homosayswhat' routine and James would just say 'what?'. Then Howard just hung up on him. James was still fooled. He told Ralph on the way in to work about the whole thing. Then, this morning, Howard called him again before the show. He goofed on him some more and still had him pretty much fooled. This time though, James was bad mouthing Jackie, Stuttering John and Fred! What a loser.
Roseanne calls in. 4-11-96. Rosie called in to plug her new FOX tv show. The show is on Saturday night at 11:00. It's taking Mad TV's spot for a trial run. It's hard to believe that a few years ago, Howard hated Roseanne. They seemed like old buddies while on the phone. Howard was commending Rosie on her hatred of Mike Wallace. They both think that he's a puppet head.
Mike Walker, gossip dude. 4-11-96. Gossip on the Howard Stern show? That's right. Howard had this guy call in to play a little contest. Mike Walker, who's on Geraldo Rivera's tv show, called in with a bunch of gossip and the crew had to pick which story was the fake one. No one got the correct answer. Howard want's to make this a regular thing. Something like a game show. Is this something we need? Who knows...
New Woodyee sounds! 4-10-96. There's more Woodyee short sound clips here. Howard was playing them today. Howard has been doing this 'homosayswhat?' thing lately and now he's got Woodyee saying it.
The Timmy Public Service Announcement. 4-10-96. Check out this PSA that Fred threw together. It's about 30 seconds long.
Robin's Acting debut on NBC. 4-10-96 Robin's television acting debut is coming up in 5 days on NBC. Robin will be appearing in ''The Deadly Web'' on April 15th (Check your local listing for time) Robin plays the head of some kind of computer company. Check in my news archives for more information about this appearance.
Fred kisses naked chick on the air! 4-10-96 Recently, a nice young lady from the Bronx sent a letter to the station. In that letter, Krise (Chrissy) said that she would like to do an acting scene with Fred and get naked for him. Well Howard got that letter and got her down to the station as soon as possible. So today Krise came in and got her wish. When she came in, Howard said that she didn't look quite as good as her picture. He gave her a 7 rating while Fred gave her an 8. Howard told her that she could use a nose job...look who's telling HER to get a nose job! Fred wrote up a 3 page script for the two of them to act out. The script takes place in the future, Fred is out of work because Jackie stabbed him in the back and got him fired...anyway, Krise feels sorry for the out of work Fred and decides to strip for him. The music plays and the clothes come off. Then Fred goes for it and gives her a kiss. Howard was amazed by the kiss. A little while later, Howard has Fred's wife Alison on the phone rubbing it in her face. Alison asked if he tongue kissed her. Howard thought he had but Fred denied it.
Sandy Allen, world's tallest woman. 4-10-96. The world's tallest woman came in this morning to plug her book. The 7' 7 1/4'' tall, 40 year old, 56 D chest, 370 pound woman came rolling in a wheelchair a little late this morning. Gary had arranged for the K-Rock van to pick the woman up early this morning but it failed to show. Eventually they got someone to pick the gentle giant up. Sandy has to ride in a large vehicle because of her size. She doesn't fit in a regular taxi or limo. Howard asked her about her sex life and the size of her private parts. Sandy, 40, is still a virgin! She's waiting for the right man to come along. I think she may die a virgin. Apparently, someone else had asked Sandy about her toilet habits so Howard wasn't the first. But then Howard had to ask her a question that no one else had...he asked about the size of her vagina. She said that it was in proportion to the rest of her body. Sandy told Howard why she had grown so tall, she had a tumor on her pituitary gland when she was young but it hadn't been diagnosed until she had grown to her full height. She was 6'3'' by the time she was 10 years old! The book that she was plugging is about being different. I believe the name of the book was 'It's okay to be different'. She does a lot of appearances in schools to tell kids that it's not so bad being a freak...or something like that. If you're ''different'' and you want to get this book, just dial 1-888-BIG-SANDY
Richard Portnau (spelling?) to play Howard's father in Private Parts! 4-9-96. Howard made the announcement today about who's playing his father in the movie. The name may not be familiar but he's been in a ton of movies such as Good Morning Vietnam, Tin Men, Kindergarten Cop and a whole mess of others. Howard says that this guy is going to steal the movie. He says that Richard will play a great Ben Stern. Richard is meeting with Ben Stern today to get a feel for the real thing. He'll also be spending the day with Mrs. Stern... poor guy.
Sal the King of all Gary pranks in again. 4-9-96. Yesterday this guy came in and played his phony phone calls for Howard. He calls up Baba Booey and at the end of every phone call he calls Gary a 'Horse toothed jackass'. Today he came in to play a couple of calls that he didn't have yesterday. One call was made by a woman that Sal works with. She called up and pretended to be a reporter or something and asked Gary 'how does it feel to be a Horse Toothed Jackass?' Halfway through the question she started to laugh. Gary seems to really hate this guy. The guy just goofs on Gary the whole time that he's there. Gary tries to defend himself but his attempts are futile. There's no way that Gary can bad mouth anyone. His friggin teeth are so bad...and what's the deal with him not growing his damn moustache back. His giant upper lip is no match for those teeth...Oh no! Now I'm starting in on him!
Kenny from Albany update. 4-9-96. Kenny is out of Rehab now after a 12 day stay. Kenny and the guy that got him in to rehab, Artie, came in to the studio to be pounded by Howard. Everyone, except Artie, thinks that Kenny will be drinking by tomorrow. Howard brought up Kenny's bi-sexuality once again. Asking him when was the last time he got some. People called in and said that there is no such thing as bi-sexuality, there's only homo's and straight people. Howard told Kenny to call in a few days to update us on his progress.
Caller of the week... 4-9-96. This weeks caller of the week contest only had one contender...'Rabbi Gottfried' a.k.a. Gilbert Gottfried. Gilbert won the caller of the week award for his Rabbi Gottfried calls last week.
Howard talks to the Unabomber's brother's newspaper boy. 4-9-96. That's right, Howard spoke to the guy's newspaper boy! Okay, so it's no big deal. Howard had a listener, big John, up in Albany go to the neighborhood where the Unabomber's brother lives to attempt to get an interview with the guy. He was right in front of the guys house but failed to get the interview. Big John told Howard that he had the guy's newspaper boy there to interview. Howard asked him if he'd ever met the actual Unabomber. Paperboy never did but he had met the Unabomber's brother. Big John also attempted to get interviews with neighbors of Unabomber's brother but they told him to get out of the neighborhood and let them have their privacy. As Howard came back from a commercial, the Unabomber's brother got in to his pickup truck and left the neighborhood. No interview...
New phony phone caller. 4-8-96. There's a new phony phone caller in town and he's making his mark on Baba Booey. This stock broker from New York City started making calls to Gary recently. Gary tried to insult the guy as soon as he came in by saying that the guys teeth were just as bad as his. Howard told Gary that he's nuts. This guy has been pretending to be people that Gary knows and when he finally gets him on the phone, he calls him a 'Horse toothed jackass'. Every call has those three words in them. One call Gary asked the guy who the manager of the Reds was and the phony phone caller goes '...H.T.J. ..' Gary says 'who's that?' the guy says '...HORSE TOOTHED JACKASS!...' This guy should be back tomorrow with a couple more calls. He impressed everyone, including Gary, with his calls. He might be limited in his range but the calls are very funny.
Max Kinkel update and visit. 4-8-96. Max, the Vietnam Vet, Kinkel came in for one last(?) visit this morning. Max used to be on overnights before Howard in the morning. When K-Rock changed format back in January, Max was let go. Today he was in to talk about his future plans. Max is looking for work right now. He may go in to some type of production work doing voice overs or something. Howard has convinced Max that he was also in 'Nam. Howard always talks about shooting the 'Gooks' and how much of a man he is. The thing is, Howard never went to Vietnam. Howard was telling fairy tails about sleeping with a 'gook broad' while in 'Nam... ''..this was a virgin...I was having sex with her...this was a virgin...regular sex first then input 3...no oral sex because I couldn't find her head...'' Max said that his appearance kind of felt like 'Nam. Howard told some more 'gook killing' stories. He asked Max if he ever had a guy's head in the cross hairs of his gun and how many kills he was credited with. Max just said ''I don't know'' The whole time, there's eerie music playing in the background. Howard said '...I once killed a guy while he was taking a dump...' It was a weird interview, even for Howard. Don't get me wrong, it was funny but weird. After Howard thanked Max for coming in he went to commercial, after the comercial Howard said that Max was being kind of weird in the bathroom. He says that Max stood right next to him at the urinal. Howard told him that he's 'pee shy' and asked him not to stand next to him. Max just shrugged it off and stayed next to him. Howard confronted him on the air but he denied it. Weird. Max was a great guy, he'll be missed.
Corky update. 4-8-96. Well, wacky annoying Corky called in early this morning to give us an update on his doings. Last week Corky won the coveted, caller of the week award. For this prestigious award he received tickets to the Rain Forest Concert. Gary said that when Corky came in to claim the tickets at the station, he went off yelling and screaming that the tickets were no good. He said that he wanted better ones. According to Gary, these tickets are worth $250 each! Gary told Corky that he's lucky they even talk to him never mind give him free tickets. Howard said that he recently read a transcript of a phone call that Corky made to his almost-ex-wife. In the transcript Howard saw how wacky this guy really is. He said that Corky was cursing out Elaine while their child was on the phone. Corky, of course, said that he didn't know that the kid was on the phone. But then Howard said he read that Corky told his child to tell her mother to get her the F*** over to his house. Sounds like a stable guy.
Daniel Carver - KKK guy. 4-8-96. Howard had the racist a-hole on the phone this morning to catch up on all the hatred. Howard was saying that he doesn't dislike black people and Daniel says to Howard ''...you just got that 'un(Robin) sittin there so you can tell nig*er jokes and get away with it...'' Daniel says that no one likes black people, they just pretend to. Daniel has moved to the mountains to ''flee the nig*ers'' He moved his family out there with him but still drives them in to school. A woman called in and cursed out Daniel. Dan asked if she was black, she said that she was Cherokee Indian and Daniel said ''...same thing...my ancestors said that the only good indian's a dead indian...'' Then Howard asked what was worse, American Indians, blacks or Jews. Daniel says that the Jews are the worst! According to him, blacks are animals and the Jews are the DEVIL!
Pat Cooper drops in. 4-5-96. Pat Cooper, comedian, has a rough history with the Stern show as many of you may know. Howard has fought and made up with Pat in the past. Now Howard says that Pat has been out bad mouthing him on other talk shows. Pat was all fired up when he came on this morning. He was yelling and screaming about how E! edited his last appearance to make him look bad. Scott Einziger came in to defend his editing. He said that they just edit to match what Howard says and plays on tape. Pat says that if he edited it, it would be a totally different show...duh. Howard had tape of Pat bad mouthing him on the Rik Turner show (what the hell is that?). Some listener called in and said that while he was doing construction at Pat's Mother's house, she gave him a bunch of Pat's stuff. She gave him pictures, trophy's and crap like that. Pat told the guy to just burn the stuff. Pat had family problems years ago and he doesn't really care about his mother. He doesn't want to relive his horrible youth. Howard eventually got back to the tape from the Rick Turner show. Pat said something about the Jackie Marshmallow incident. He doesn't like that kind of comedy. Howard told him that it's just a generation gap in comedy. Pat stuck around for the news and did his usual yelling and screaming routine. Then a woman, Simone, came in to have her breasts painted like easter eggs. Pat said he was thrilled to have something like this happen while he's there. Pat said her breasts looked like artichokes! Howard did some finger painting and Simone started to put her sweater on while the paint was still wet. Gary got her a t-shirt and she was out of there. This was the only easter breast painting this year because Howard forgot to mention it during the week.
Update on Kenny the Albany ex-producer. 4-5-96. Apparently Kenny has been calling Gary telling him that he wants out of the rehab center. Gary says that on Wednesday, Kenny called and said that he wanted to be out by Thursday morning. Today he was on the phone with Howard but now he's agreeing to stay in for a little while longer. Artie, the guy that runs the rehab center, said that Kenny needs another week in the place plus regular group therapy afterwards. Howard asked Kenny why he's so f'd up, Kenny said something about being 7 years old and having a 15 year old, female, family friend make him touch her breasts. Howard wished that he was that lucky...shit, I wish I was that lucky! Kenny said that it confused his feelings about his sexuality. There was one other incident that may have screwed up Kenny's sexuality. Another friend of the family made Ken jerk him off. Howard said ''...so the guy glazed your knuckles...just wash up and forget about it...'' Howard asked Kenny if he's been having any ''butt sex'' lately. Kenny says he's been clean and sober for over a week now. No beer, no pot, no coke and no butt sex! Good for you Ken!
Welcome Austin Texas to the Stern Show family! 4-4-96. Austin Texas is now on the air. Howard did another press conference today for the folks down in Austin. One of the interviewers down there was Gary's brother Tony. Tony sounds just as wacky as his brother. He's in to all kinds of weird stuff. He's a reporter and he's also in to some kind of movie deal or something. He didn't make it very clear as to what he actually does but it's something to do with finding a location for a movie studio and selling scripts. The rest of the press conference was just about the same as any other press conference.
Rabbi Gottfried calls in. 4-4-96. To celebrate the Jewish holiday Howard had ''Rabbi Gottfried'' on the phone. The ''Rabbi'' was the one and only Gilbert Gottfried. Rabbi Gottfried sang a Jewish prayer for about 2 minutes without interruption! Rabbi Gottfried explained the holiday and how it's all a scam. He says the jews came up with it just to get a day off of work. The Rabbi stayed on for a little while but Howard got tired of it and hung up.
James the smelly intern does it again. 4-4-96. Yesterday James did some of his lame comedy for Howard. Today he had a couple of ''comedy'' sketches to do for Howard. He takes these comedy lessons from some unknown comedian for $50 a lesson. I don't know what the hell she's teaching but it ain't comedy. James had Richard, another intern, help him out with the sketch. The first sketch was about two musicians. The whole thing was about acid and there wasn't a single funny part in it. This thing was worse than any sketch on MTV's ''The State''. In the middle of the sketch Gary said that James is obsessed with acid. That would explain the sketch. Howard said that James reminded him of Quentin Tarrantino(Pulp Fiction director). He said that he talks a lot also. When the sketch was over Howard said ''...the diary of Anne Frank was funnier...'' The second sketch had Ralph helping out. This one had two guys hanging out by a pond with naked people wandering around. Nothing was funny. Robin pointed out the fact that whenever James expected a laugh he would look up to see a response. Of course he never did get one. Howard told James to bring in his comedy coach. He's got to see the person taking $50 from the guy for every so called ''lesson''
The Mayflower Madam, Sydney Biddle Barrows in the studio! 4-4-96. Yes it's true, the whoremaster entered the dragon's lair. Howard has always had bad words to say about this woman and Stuttering John has asked her a few insulting questions. She's out plugging a book so she came to the plug-master, Howard Stern. Howard treated her fairly nicely. He gave his opinion on hookers and how there's really nothing wrong with it. Sydney has bad mouthed Howard calling him a sleeze bag. Howard wondered how a hooker could call someone a sleeze bag. She denied ever saying it. Howard took a couple of phone calls from upset listeners. Sydney talked about her whores and crap like that. One of her ex-employees called in and told Howard that one of the rules was 'no condoms'. This was back in 1983 and the woman said that everyone knew about the Aids thing already but Sydney didn't care. Sydney said that was true because when you're paying $200 an hour you should get condomless sex.
Buster Douglas and Hector 'Macho' Camacho. 4-3-96. Well these two fighters were scheduled to appear this morning at 7:30. Buster made it on time but Hector never did get in to the studio. Howard decided to go ahead with the Buster Douglas interview without Hector. Gary said that Lonny from Scores was searching for Hector. Howard brought Buster in for the interview and a few minutes in Gary came in and said that Hector was out in front of the building in a car sleeping! Howard got in to Buster's financial business and found out that Buster doesn't get much money for the beatings that he takes. In one case, Buster says that he brought home about $15,000 out of a $1.3 million purse! And when he won a $25 million fight he only brought home around $1 million! Howard told Buster that he should get an agent or something since they can only take 10% legally. His trainer takes 20% of the winnings and his management gets like 50%! Buster was actually getting mad at Howard for pointing out his problem. Howard told Buster not to blame the messenger. Buster will be fighting at The Trump Taj Mahal on June 22, 1996 and it will be on Pay-Per-View.
Jackie cleaning his 'hole. 4-3-96. This morning while talking about a trip to Los Angeles a few years ago, Gary brought up the fact that Jackie once gave himself 2 fleet enema's to lose a couple of pounds! At the time, Jackie was on a Nutrisystem diet. He was to get a bonus if he lost a certain amount of weight by a certain time. Jackie was only a couple of pounds shy of his goal...he was desperate. He says that he laid down in his kitchen and proceeded to administer a couple of enema's to himself. After filling himself up, he ran to the bathroom to empty out. What won't Jackie do for a little money?
New Stations coming soon! 4-2-96. Read The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter for the latest news on upcoming stations!
New Stations coming soon! 4-2-96. Read The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter for the latest news on upcoming stations!
Boston mornings! 4-2-96. Howard is now heard on WBCN, 104.1 fm, in the morning live instead of tape delay at 7pm. Howard made the announcement yesterday but people thought that it was an April Fools day joke. Well it ain't no joke! Howard found out about the move on Friday afternoon. Howard will be up against a news station that's number 1 in the ratings. Howard's bitch, Imus is fourth in Boston ratings but will virtually disappear within a couple of months. The press conference was today and the usual stupid questions were asked of Howard. One woman asked how long it would take and would he do a funeral when he becomes number 1. Howard didn't really answer, he asked if the woman was cute and if she was wearing a bra. Next thing you know we find out that it's Dixie Watly, who used to be a host on Entertainment Tonight. Howard did a little interviewing and let her go on her way. Another woman comes on and asks if he's excited about sending shockwaves through Boston. Of course he is you nut! Next up was a guy from a gay magazine. ''Do you think the gay marriage thing will happen'' he said. What kind of question is that? Howard mentioned that he hoped so and that he sees nothing wrong with it. Then the guy asked why the gay community should listen to Howard. Howard said that they should listen because basically he's a good guy. A few more questions were asked and Howard moved on.
Boston competitor has Howie on their show. 4-2-96. After the press conference, a rival radio station called in to ''welcome Howard to morning drive time''. Howard got on the phone and the producer from the other station got on and told Howard he'd be on the air in a second. The next thing you know this annoying woman is ''welcoming'' Howard to Boston. She wouldn't let Howard speak his mind and she talked all over him. She just said nothing. Howard tried to tell her that he'd beat her within a year. He told her that she'd have to pull down her panties if he beats her. She agreed and told him to meet her in a year. The woman eventually potted Howard down but didn't hang up on him. Howard stayed on the line and listened in on the show. One of the guys on the other show came on the air and said ''.. you really kicked his butt...'' Yeah right. The other station went to commercial and Howard kept the line on. He just waited patiently for them to come back so that he could hear what kind of lame show they do. After their commercials, they took phone calls. About 3 of the 6 calls were from Stern show listeners! The told the woman that she's going down. One guy called in and said ''...you've opened a can of worms...'' to the rival bitch. Another guy agreed with her. Howard eventually got fed up with the crap and hung up.
William Shatner enters ''The Homo Room'' 4-2-96. William Shatner(Captain Kirk on Star Trek) came in and had a very bizarre appearance. Today Howard decided to have Mr. Shatner enter a room that not many celebrities have entered...''The Homo Room'' The Homo Room is a place for the guys on the show to go and show their feminine side. Howard goes in to a gay voice and does all kinds of gay stuff. Howard became ''Stacy'', William Shatner became ''Jill'', Fred became ''Frederique'', Gary became ''Betsy'' and Jackie became ''Jessie''. Robin isn't aloud in the Homo Room because she's female. While in the room they did things like ''hide the frog(in the butt)'' and they typed with their genitals. Howard sang a couple of gay songs while Shatner tried to plug his Star Trek books, Star Trek The Return, Man O' War and Star Trek The Ashes of Eden. Shatner was playing along with the bit for quite some time. I was amazed how long he held out! I guess he'd do anything to plug his stuff on the show. After coming out of the homo room Howard whispered to Shatner, ''Bill ...you forgot to pull up your pants...'' When Howard went to commercial Shatner ran out and hugged Robin as if that would make him a man once again.
Howard's brother-in-laws. 4-2-96. Howard blew about an hour this morning talking about his brother-in-laws. I guess yesterday Howard and Robin had been talking about what the brothers-in-law did for a living. Well we found out this morning. One of his brothers does something with newspaper companies or something, another designs leather stuff like couches and just about anything else you can imagine. The third in-law makes puppet's without moving mouths. Sounds like a happy family.
4-1-96. Sorry, I'll be back soon! 4-1-96. No stupid April Fools day jokes here. I got back late this afternoon and the show updates will start again tomorrow!

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