Howard started off the show saying that George Takei (GeorgeTakei.com) was finally back in the studio as their announcer (He'll be in all week). George sang a little song for Howard after being introduced. He sang about the guys in the studio and about the show acapella. The guys gave him some applause and thanked him for the song. It was to the tune of ''Sentimental Journey'' but Howard wasn't sure if that's what it was or not.
George said he wrote that in the shower so Howard asked him if his boyfriend Brad was in there with him. George said he was in there occasionally.
George said that over the weekend he accepted the freedom of speech award from Talkers magazine. He said that Michael Harrison had some nice words to say about Howard. Howard said he's seen this guy on many occasions on TV but he's never been invited to one of their events. George told Howard that a champion of free speech like no one else but Howard told him he's really not. Robin told Howard he may not want to be but he is.
Howard asked George where the event was held. It was in New York City and he had the award with him. Howard liked the look of it and said that he would display it there in the studio because it was so nice. Artie told George that they are actually against freedom of speech and want everyone censored but them. They want everyone to be fined and shut down so people will have to listen to them.
George told Howard that he really has taken a stand for free speech while so many others have caved. He said he made a very long speech at the event and talked about Howard pushing for free speech. He also talked about the internment camps that he was in when he was a kid. When Artie heard that he started doing his ''WAHhhh!'' thing with him. ''Wah! I was in an internment camp... Wah!''
George talked a little about how scary it was that he was in that camp so Howard told him he had a tough life, he didn't have central air conditioning in Roosevelt, Long Island. George said he didn't even have radio to listen to there in the camps.
Howard accepted the award from George but he really didn't have any speech for it. He said it's probably best that he wasn't invited to the Talkers event because he probably would have just showed his rectum there. He's not into public speaking and George found that hard to believe.
George said that the last time he was in town he had to go to a bank board meeting and it was mandatory so he wasn't able to make it in. Artie was having some fun with George already and cracking jokes about George blowing his boyfriend and things like that. A little earlier George mentioned that he had gone to see a play called ''The Lieutenant of Innishmore'' so he was getting a few jokes in about that as well.
Howard asked George about being on the board of this bank that he mentioned. George said he's part owner of the bank and he's been part of that for about 20 years now. Howard asked him if he's a millionaire from that. George said he wasn't at first but then admitted that he probably is.
Robin asked George if he had replaced his dog yet. George said he's still thinking about the old dog and he's got the ash box in his bedroom so he's not thinking about a new dog at this point.
Richard said that he spoke to George when he first came in this morning and was talking to him about having his cherry busted already by doing the show one time on SIRIUS. George responded by telling him that not only was his cherry busted, it was ripped wide open.
Howard had George do an announcement for them and then got back to the Artie Roast show. He said he was over at Ben's Deli last night and a woman came up to him and told him that she loved the roast. Artie said he heard from a bunch of people about the show and they loved it as well.
Howard said he read that someone thought he had edited someone's set but he didn't edit it at all. Howard said Artie was a good sport and took a lot of jokes about his father. He said no one cared about the fact that his father was a quadriplegic.
Artie said that Nick DiPaolo had to leave early but he called him later on and said he never would have thought about talking about his father. Howard thought Nick did a great job and he heard from Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman who thought he killed. Artie knew that Nick and Colin Quinn wouldn't have to joke about his father in the roast.
Artie said he did a set at one of Nick's shows over the weekend and everyone was chanting ''Roast, Roast...'' when he got up. He showed up unannounced so they didn't even know he was coming to the show.
Robin said she heard that Richard had been escorted from the building on Thursday night. Howard said that's true because even after he told Richard he wasn't to drink anymore, he went around and found more. He wasn't in control of his walking so he thought it would be best to cut him off.
Howard said that he watched The Tony Awards last night and was surprised to see Cynthia Nixon come out of the closet with the woman she came out with. He thought that she would go for a more feminine woman than she's with. George said that opposites attract... Howard said that old saying ''there's someone for everyone'' wouldn't even apply to this woman.
Artie said he's a very stubborn guy and he really doesn't want to go to therapy just because someone is telling him he should. Howard said his theory is that he didn't love Dana that much because he's not willing to compromise at all. Artie said he's going to Las Vegas this weekend and he's not going to hold back out there.
Howard asked Artie if he's banged anyone in the past 3 weeks. Artie claims he hasn't but it seemed like Howard didn't believe him. Howard mentioned to George that Artie has gained a lot of weight since he was last on. George asked him if he wanted to go walking through Central Park with him after the show tomorrow. Artie said they can do that but they'll be walking in separate parts of the park.
Artie said he told Dana that he's not going to go to therapy just because she keeps nagging him. He said he's not sure what will happen but he may come around eventually. He said it was a very civil conversation. He said that he would go nuts if he was forced to go to therapy like that.
George said that the guy in ''The Breakup'' was just like Artie. He explained the movie to Artie and talked about that for a short time. Howard said that Artie is the only guy he knows who gains 900 pounds and then breaks up with a woman. Most guys would stay in a relationship if they were so overweight.
Howard told Artie that he's out of his mind if he thinks that there's a woman out there who is going to put up with him just the way he is. Artie said he didn't want to be nagged about that stuff, that's why he had to end it. George said that both of them could benefit from therapy. Artie said that she's been doing it for a long time and she does benefit from it but he's not going to do it at this point. He figures he'll probably die alone.
Artie is going out to Vegas this weekend so it's the ''Booze and Whores'' weekend for him. He said that he's having a screening for his movie out there and the showing sold out really fast so a second show was added. The showings are at The Palms out there in Vegas.
Howard noticed that Artie won't look at George even though he's sitting right next to him. Artie said that if you sit a gay Asian guy next to him on his left, he's going to look to his right.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told the guys that her material from the roast was not written by her, it was written by Colin Quinn who thought her material sucked. She tried to get in a couple more jokes this morning but there still wasn't any laughter. She also said that Artie is probably going to be single for the rest of his life because of the way he's acting.
Artie said that there may have been some tears after he broke up with Dana. He was the one who was crying. He said that Dana may have cried after they got off the phone but he's not sure. He said he pronounced the relationship dead as of that day and that was that. Then last night he found out that she had tried calling him but didn't leave a message for him. George said he thinks that they will eventually get back together again and Artie will go into therapy.
Howard agrees with George and thinks that Artie will end up in therapy soon. He's seen Artie at his lowest (and Widest according to Artie) so he thinks that he will hit bottom again and then go into therapy.
Artie had a picture of he and his father hanging out with Frankie Valli. He said that they were at a motel at the Jersey Shore many years ago and they ran into the guy. The picture should be up on HowardStern.com today. Artie said his father found out where the room was and had Artie crawl into the room to make it seem like they didn't know what was going on. That's how they got to meet the guy.
Howard said this picture made him sad. He was looking at it and trying to get Artie to get sad as well. Howard said he wished he had a picture like that with his parents. Artie said that something like that will never happen again. Howard showed George the picture and said that Artie's dad was a really good looking guy. George said that his ''RADAR'' was giving him something from the picture. Artie told him to give him the fuckin picture back.
George said that in Boston Legal, Bill isn't playing a part or acting, he's just being himself as Denny Crane, the character he plays on the show. He said he feels kind of sad for Bill because he's kind of isolated from the rest of the crew. Leonard Nimoy gets down and hangs out with the rest of them. George said that Leonard likes to talk politics so they do that when they get together. He said that Leonard is a very liberal democrat.
George said he's enjoyed a rich friendship with the other people on the show and it's kind of sad that it's never happened with Bill. Howard said that he's had dinner with Shatner and he always seems very light hearted and happy. George told him that Bill is just using him, that's why he acts that way. George talked about working with Shatner and how he would get the director to put him on camera after they started the shoot putting the other actors on camera.
Howard asked George about going to the Star Trek convention and collecting a few bucks. George said it's great because he doesn't have to remember a script or anything like that. George said that some of the questions he gets from the people there are pretty crazy and he can't answer them so he has a couple of people he turns to for the answers.
George said he's got a convention coming up out in Las Vegas and another one out in Seattle, Washington in September which will be the 40th anniversary celebration for ''Star Trek.'' Howard wondered if Shatner will talk to him at these events. George said they do talk to each other by saying hello but they don't really talk other than that.
Howard asked Doug when they're going to put the roast up on Howard TV. Doug said they're editing the show and should have it up in a week or so. They have a ton of stuff to go through with that show because there was so much stuff going on outside the studio.
Howard thinks that these will be some of the greatest shows. Doug talked about just a couple of the crazy things that were going on out there and it sounds pretty crazy.
One caller brought up Artie and Dana's relationship again so that got Howard talking about him. He said that Artie has to do certain things before he can get into a marriage with someone. He's got a lot of issues to take care of before he can become a ''family man'' like he wants to. He said that no normal woman is going to put up with him the way he is right now. Artie doesn't want to change and it was right for him to break it off with Dana. He knows that he's going to drive her insane and she's going to drive him insane if she keeps pushing him toward therapy.
Howard said he thinks that Artie should either hook up with a stripper and stay the same or go into therapy and settle down with Dana. He may need a few more destructive years before he goes to the therapy thing. Artie said he told Dana he was calling off the torture by ending the relationship. He didn't want to keep it going the way it was.
The caller that was on the line said that he's such a fan of Artie's that he would be willing to screw Siobhan the transsexual just to hang out with him one afternoon. Artie said he was flattered by that. He said he would take the guy to a Yankee game and dinner if he did that. The guy was ready to go and told Howard to set him up. Howard put him on hold after that.
Howard showed George some video from last week when Richard dunked Sal's head into a toilet that was filled with his urine. They showed the video in the studio as George watched. George said ''They are children!'' He also said ''Oh my goodness!'' as he was watching Sal's head being dunked into the toilet. Artie said he didn't have the energy to laugh at that last week... He was laughing his ass off this morning. George kept saying ''Oh my goodness!'' over and over again as he saw the video. He told Howard that they are a couple of wild children. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Lisa noticed that Howard's hair is shorter this morning as well. Howard said he did get it cut a little shorter, but not as short as Fred's. He said he likes Fred's new hair cut but he won't be going that short. Artie figured that Lisa still has her job there because she compliments the boss even more than anyone else. He said that maybe Mike Piazza would still be there if he had complimented his hair.
Lisa said that the cheerleaders who were on last week were suspended from their squad after appearing on the show. Howard had heard about that and said it was ridiculous to suspend people for talking about sex. He said it's especially crazy for Canadians because they have some crazy porn and strip clubs up there. He said it doesn't make any sense because his show was taken off the air up in Canada for being too dirty while they have this crazy porn going on.
Lisa said that they will be talking about George accepting the Talkers Magazine award for Howard. They'll be talking more about that. They will also be talking about how Scott the Engineer's wife has put a stop to a NASCAR trip he was going to make. Howard said he heard about that and mentioned what he heard. He's heard a lot of details and he's not sure what he can say on the air. He said Scott was really looking forward to the trip and now he can't go. Howard said that Scott is so good looking that his wife has to worry about him.
Lisa mentioned a couple of other stories they had coming up on Howard 100 News today. She said that Gary and George Flowers have some dirty laundry to get out in the open. That led to Gary coming in the studio and telling the guys why he doesn't like George. He said that George will sit outside of his studio and mumble things under his breath while waiting to come on the show. He's always talking about how disgusting things are on the show and he always does it while looking at the monitors in his office.
Gary said George has a germ phobia and tries to help them out by buying special soaps and things and he always feels like he's been judged by the guy. He said his mumbling goes on all morning and he feels like they're being judged by him all the time.
Howard said that Michelle kind of blew him off and Heath just kept eating while he was saying hello to them. He said he and Beth didn't get much of a reaction so they just left. They felt like they had gotten slimed by the two of them. They talked about that on the air shortly after it happened and the story got picked up by the Page Six gossip column. That story was printed on Friday when they weren't there. The story was a little wrong because they claimed that he was ragging on ''Brokeback Mountain.'' He never did that and was a fan of the movie.
Howard said the story ran in the NY Post and one of Heath's people called to get Howard on the line with Heath. Howard said Laura, his assistant, let him know so he had Gary look into it a little further. Gary said he was trying to get Heath on the phone and no one wants to give out their number so it was kind a goof.
Howard said he got the call from Heath on Friday and he apologized. They had been in a very deep conversation at the time Howard came up to the table. Heath said that they weren't trying to blow him off or anything like that. Howard said Heath apologized and he figured that could have been the case because he had read that Michelle's father had been arrested or something like that. He said he really didn't care at that point because it was all being dragged out.
Howard said he got off the phone after thanking Heath for the call but then he and Beth said that they probably got the call after some publicist got involved. Howard said he doesn't care either way and things are fine, he's not going to harp on the whole thing. He said the story was more about his own neurosis and how he's always afraid things are going to go wrong when he says hello to people... and that's just what happened that night.
George was saying that when you're a public person and you're out in public, you have to expect people to come up to you. He said he was out with Brad one night and he had a fork full of food heading toward his mouth. A woman came up to him and pushed his hand down and said she wanted to have her picture taken. George said he told her he'd be happy to do it after eating and she got all huffy and said that they were leaving. George tried to be nice to her but she got very upset and stormed off when he didn't come right out with her.
Gary read Leigh's book and said it's great. He talked about some of the stuff in the book and Artie was saying that he's also in the middle of the book and it's really good. The two of them brought up some of the stuff that's in the book and how interesting it was. They talked about how Babe was sent to an orphanage when he was 7 years old after his parents just gave up on him. He stayed in the orphanage until he was 19 years old and ended up playing baseball. Howard wrapped up with Leigh a short time later.
Sean said he felt that the girls didn't do anything wrong on the show and he's hoping that people get behind them and get them their jobs back. Howard wondered if they're still virgins. Artie said that one of them had an amazing ass.
Howard said that Eric the Midget was on the phone and he thought that he wasn't going to be calling in anymore. Eric said he sent an e-mail to the show over the weekend and Will thought that he might want to talk to him about it. Howard hadn't read any e-mail yet so Gary handed it to him. It was 5 pages of typewritten messages from Eric.
Howard told Eric he's completely insane. Eric interrupted and said that Howard is the insane one for offering him sex. Howard said he's sorry for offering him the chance to get a hand job. No one else is offering him anything like that.
Eric told Howard to read the 'Gratitude section' of his letter to see what he's talking about. Howard asked him if anyone else is offering him the chance to meet Katherine McPhee. Eric said that no one else is doing that but last year he didn't have to do anything crazy to meet Carrie Underwood. Robin said they're not going to keep giving him stuff for free.
Howard said all they wanted to do was hook up a couple of balloons to Eric and have him float around the studio. Eric said he doesn't want to look like Handi-Man from In Living Color. Gary said that they're going to be speaking to a woman tomorrow who helped get Paul Newman to fly by balloons on David Letterman's show.
Eric said that Howard takes one step forward by offering him something cool but takes 50 steps back by goofing on him. Howard got his megaphone and started to do his impression of Eric as he was reading some of the jokes that he wrote in his 5 page letter.
Howard brought up how Eric was threatening to call Katherine McPhee to warn her not to go on the show. Eric said he tried to call but the number isn't working anymore. Howard said that's probably because he called her too many times. He said he ''only'' called 3 times. Eric said he knows how to get in touch with her even without that number.
Howard told Eric that he will come in and he will fly in the studio. Eric said that will never happen. Howard played the voice mail Eric left where he said he would fly only after hell freezes over and pigs fly. He also played the song parody that Sal and Richard created. He said he knows that Eric hates that song. Eric said ''You're damn right I hate it...''
Eric said one reason he wanted to warn Katherine about the show as so she could keep her older boyfriend a secret like she's been trying to do. Howard played the song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man put together using clips from Eric's voice mails. Howard asked Eric which one he hates more. Eric said he hates them equally. Artie said he loves the second one just a little more than the first.
Howard thinks Eric is being a little childish about this and seeing him flying on balloons would be so much fun. George told Eric that he would enjoy life even more if he just relaxed a little bit. Eric said that one of the comments he got on Myspace was about how funny it would be to see how many balloons it would take to get Artie's fat ass in the air.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted Eric off the air because he's always wasting his time while driving to work. Howard asked Eric if he wanted to say anything to this guy. Eric said he doesn't talk to Jackasses. The guy said that he's paying 43 cents a day to listen to this little ass hole. He told him to tie the balloons to him and just fly away.
Robin suggested that they change their phone number so Eric can't call them anymore. Howard let Eric go and replayed the song parody that Sal and Richard did about Eric. He was going to say goodbye to Eric so he wanted to hear ''Bye for now'' but Eric didn't even want to say that. Fred was playing his buzzer sound for Eric and Eric was demanding to know who played ''Derek the Midget'' on the show. Howard told him it's Shuli even though Shuli denies it.
Howard told Eric to say his catch phrase so Eric said it... ''Bye for now.'' Howard then played the song parody that Dan created once again.
Artie said that Nick DiPaolo was pissed at Ralph because he wouldn't make any comments at his own roast but he will critique everyone on other roasts. Howard said that Nick was great on the roast but he kind of got overlooked because he went first.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from some fans who wanted to talk about the show. He then spent a minute talking about the Tony Awards show and how disturbing it is to see puppeteer's appearing with their puppets. He said that it ruins it when he sees that kind of thing.
Howard brought up a story in the news about a guy who is accused of killing a woman with a bratwurst. He read the story from the paper and said that the guy apparently beat the woman with the brat. There was another story in the paper about a woman who beat another woman with her dead dog after the dog had died because she thought it was because of poor breading that the dog had passed away.
Howard explained that Christa is on the TV show ''Scrubs'' and she used to be on ''Drew Carey.'' He started to explain why Mandy Moore might be upset after Wilmer Valderrama came on the show and said he took her virginity. He got sidetracked talking about how hot Christa is with Artie.
Howard got back to the Mandy Moore story and asked Christa if it was true that Mandy just broke up with Zach this weekend. She said that she was just out with Zach on Saturday night and everyone is fine. She couldn't comment on anything other than what she was authorized to talk about though.
Howard got sidetracked again and told a story about how Artie was friends with Nicole Sullivan from MAD TV and she and Christa lived in the same building so he would see the two of them there. Artie was kind of stalking her and would show up at her place at all hours of the night. Nicole actually moved from her apartment to get away from Artie. Artie said that he would do coke over at her place off of her CDs and stuff. He never came on to Nicole or anything like that.
Artie said that he actually showed up at this other actresses house because he couldn't get into her place. Christa would have to deal with Artie because she lived in the same building and he would bother her at all hours of the morning as well.
Christa said that Artie as so sweet and she was apologizing to him for being such a bitch back then but she had to work. Artie said that Christa would have to let him into the house because she and Nicole were sharing the house. That's why she'd get so pissed at him. Artie said he once went over there and found a bottle of Jack and did cocaine and Jack all night. He ended up at the hospital and was told he should be dead because his heart rate was so high.
Howard was amazed that they learn something new about Artie every day on the show. Artie talked more about how he went over to Nicole's place that one day because he figured he could ride into work with Nicole since they had to do a sketch together.
Artie told another story about driving to work while he was drunk. Nicole was following him and called in to work telling them to have the cops there to take him to rehab. He said that it was like an ambush there that day. They had cops and agents there ready to get him. Artie ended up bolting and hopped some fences to get away from them. Then he went to a grocery store where they caught him. Christa thought he was naked there at the store but Artie said he had fallen into a pool while running from those people and did have to strip down a little.
Christa said that Jennifer Aniston lived next door to her when she was living with Nicole out there. Artie said he didn't know ''Friends'' at the time and didn't really know who Jennifer Aniston was so he didn't care if he woke anyone up.
Howard asked Christa about who she's married to. She's married to Bill Lawrence who is the creator of ''Scrubs.'' The guys spent a minute talking about that before Artie got back to more of his coke stories. He talked about going to get an 8-ball from this guy... The same guy who brought him to the party where he got a load blown on his chest. Artie said that he and George have a lot in common. Howard asked George if he's ever had a load on his chest. George said ''Oh yes... ''
Howard said he kind of yelled at Orlando Jones back around the time when he had his intervention and hasn't spoken to him since then. As he was talking about it he was getting choked up and almost tear'd up. He was saying that those people who did the intervention saved his life. He said that Nicole even apologized to him for calling the cops but she probably saved his life.
Artie said he never missed a line even when he was wasted on coke back then when he was on MAD TV. He said the only thing that made him enjoy life was doing those sketches on the show. He said that he was very lucky to have gotten the job on the show because they had 5000 people audition for it and they only picked 8 out of that 5000.
Christa says that Artie still apologizes to her to this day whenever he sees her. Artie hasn't seen her lately but the last time he did, he apologized profusely for what he had done. Howard said he doesn't know that Artie because he's never been like that around them. Howard said he could see the tears in Artie's eyes and wanted him to break down crying for the show. Artie said he does get choked up but he's not going to go there.
Artie said that his sister left her job at Polo to come out to Los Angeles to help get him out of jail. He said he was able to make 3 calls the day he was arrested. He called his answering machine and got a message from Cameron Crowe who let him know that his scene from ''Jerry Maguire'' had been cut and maybe they could work together again some day. Howard tried to get Artie to cry by bringing up that picture of his father that they were checking out earlier. Christa also said that she was the one who probably helped get the ball rolling with Nicole because she told her how out control Artie was that day.
Howard said that Christa has been assigned to speak on behalf of Mandy Moore and let her talk about that stuff. She first told Howard that Zach Braff is a huge fan of the show but the first time he tuned in to hear the show on Sirius, he heard Howard bashing his movie ''Garden State.'' Robin loved the movie though so Christa said she'd let him know.
Christa said that Mandy is saying that she didn't lose her virginity to Wilmer Valderrama as he had said on the show. Zach called Wilmer and spoke to him about that and Wilmer was saying that his words were twisted on the show. Wilmer never even had sex with Mandy according to Christa. Howard wanted to know who Mandy did lose her virginity to. Christa said that she's not authorized to say who that was.
Howard wants to get Wilmer and Mandy on the show to take lie detector tests. He knows that Lindsay Lohan said that what Wilmer said about her was true. Jennifer Love Hewitt also denied the claims about her. Christa said that Wilmer didn't want to be on the phone with Zach when he called him. Christa said that Wilmer's claims that his words were twisted are untrue because she heard the whole interview herself.
Howard asked Christa who took her virginity. She said it was some dufus in the 10th grade. She said that everyone who has met the guy says the same thing about that guy. Christa told George Takei that he's such a good sport putting up with everything that he's been putting up with.
Christa said that she has a theory about SIRIUS. She said that all of the huge fans picked up SIRIUS as soon as he moved. She said that some people that she's spoken to think that SIRIUS isn't around to stay and they're afraid that it's not going to be around in the next couple of years. Howard told Christa that he believes that satellite will be the future of radio and it is here to stay. Christa said that she won't drive in her husband's car because he doesn't have satellite.
Howard mentioned that they're going to be beta testing their internet connection next week so that will help get subscribers. He also said that they're going to have a new portable unit coming out soon and a new satellite in a couple of years.
Christa was telling Howard how great it is to be able to hear the show all the time on satellite. Howard went over the story with Christa again and said that she's basically calling Wilmer a liar. She said that's the way it appears from what she's heard from Mandy. Christa said that Mandy is the loveliest person in the world and she believes what she says.
Howard asked Robin who she thinks is telling the truth here. Robin said she thinks that Mandy is telling the truth. Fred said that he believes that Mandy Moore is full of shit and she wouldn't be hiding behind all of these people if she was telling the truth. George Takei said that men like to feel macho and maybe that's what Wilmer was doing. Artie said he always agrees with Christa after that night in 1995.
Howard told Christa to tell Mandy to come on the show and talk about it there. Howard said he feels bad for Mandy if that didn't happen. He thanked Christa for calling in but he would like to hear from Mandy herself. Howard gave Christa a plug for ''Scrubs'' and wrapped up the call.
Gary said that some things were thrown around in the green room and by the time Gary headed in to speak to him about it, he was gone. Gary showed a picture of Frank Jr. To the guys and showed just how pissed off he appeared to be.
Howard said the guy must be off the wall angry because his father used to take him on tour and berate him on stage. Maybe that's where all of the anger comes from. Howard said he'd rather just sit and review the Artie Roast anyway so it's no big deal if he's not there.
Gary said that Frank wanted something removed from the release where they say they have the right to search his effects. Gary said that's more for people like Misty the prostitute than Frank Sinatra Jr. but that's what he wanted removed.
Ronnie came in and said that Frank walked in very angry and they didn't search him when he came in because that's their policy about celebrity guests. He said that they do search guests who are known to have gun permits though. Gary said they've had conversations about that with certain guests and it can be uncomfortable.
Howard played some of Frank Jr's new CD ''That Face'' and said he sounds like his father. He thought he sounded pretty good to him. He figured that George could get him to get a load dropped on his chest to that CD. That got them talking more about the loads on the chest discussion they had earlier. Howard was hoping to get George's boyfriend Brad on the show but George said he's very shy and was skittish about being in the city over the weekend so he flew home on Sunday. Gary was ready to call him this morning but he's back out in California now.
Robin told the guys that Frank Jr. is a singer, his father was a phenomenon. That's the big difference there. Robin wanted to have Fred play Frank Sr. Singing a song and Jr. Singing the same song. He tried to find a song that he could do that with but he wasn't able to find anything. Gary gave George his own copy of the Frank Jr. CD since he liked it so much. They had to go to break a short time later, after George did a quick show promo.
Howard moved on and played a couple of voice mail messages about the Artie Roast from last week. Crazy Alice left a message where she talked about the people she thought were good on the roast. She ended up going off on Robin a little bit in her message. Howard said that Crazy Alice also left a message about the twins that were on the show making out recently. She talked about how hot they were but then went off on Robin again for something she said on the show that day.
Artie said he's no Freud, but he thinks Alice might be jealous of Robin's life. Howard played another clip where Alice went off on Penny Crone. Of course she eventually talked about Robin in that message. George was talking about how crazy she sounds so the guys warned him that she'll probably leave a message about him if he talks about her. Artie was doing an impression of Alice talking about George and used the term ''faggot'' a couple of times so George told him they don't use that term. Artie told him that he was just doing an impression but he changed it to ''homosexual'' anyway.
Howard played a couple of Crazy Alice audio clips. They had a song parody with her audio clips used in them and also a prank call they made to a guy using her audio clips. George seemed to be enjoying the prank call, he got a few laughs out of that. Howard played another song parody and another prank call.
Howard got back to the roast and wanted to play the clips that people picked as their favorites. The only problem was that they weren't marked with whose clip was whose. While Gary asked Scott what was up with that, Howard talked about how Frank Sinatra Jr. Had stormed out of there.
Gary came in and told Howard that his favorite joke during the roast was one of Sal's. Howard played the clip where Sal goofed on Artie's dad. After hearing the jokes Gary said that wasn't the one he was talking about, that one was kind of brutal. Artie didn't seem to mind it that much though.
Howard played another clip where Sal cracked a joke about Beer League and Rosie O'Donnell. Scott came in a short time later with the list of people's favorite clips but he was ruining the bit by giving away the punch line. Howard told him to come over by him and point out the clips.
Jason's favorite was a Colin Quinn joke about Ronnie looking like a trophy for best body guard. Jon Hein had a favorite of one of Colin's jokes. Will also picked one of Colin's. Ronnie and Scott both liked one of Shuli's lines about Artie's movie. Scott pulled another of his favorites where Levy told Artie that ''Dirty Work'' isn't just the name of a movie, it's what Dana calls it when she has to fuck Artie.
Howard said that some people liked the song that Richard sang at the roast but he didn't get it. He explained what the song was supposed to be about and played it for George. The song was about the nurse who used to have to pull shit out of Artie's quadriplegic father. Howard said he was getting the song now that he heard it again and figured he underrated it.
There were a few more lines that Scott pulled for Howard to play. Some of Colin's lines about Howard were pretty funny but he did use the ''faggot'' word so George was saying that gays find that word to be as offensive as the N-word.
Gary told Howard that there are some audio clips there from out in the hall. There was one clip where Ronnie took away Richard's beer. Gary came in a short time later and said that he just got word of something really disturbing. He asked Richard when he brushed his teeth after all of the stuff that went on that day. Richard said he didn't brush until Friday night. That was after drinking, getting shit put in his mouth by Sal and who knows what else.
Richard said he just didn't think about brushing his teeth that night and came into work on Friday. George asked if there was a 10 foot pole there. Richard asked him if he wanted to stick it up his ass or something. They got some laughs out of that.
There was some controversy over what Artie said about Richard's comedy act last week. Richard was really upset about Artie bashing him. Richard thinks that he does great even when he does shows where people don't know him from the Stern show. Artie thinks that if people didn't know who he was, they wouldn't find him funny at all. Artie said he's got some work to do on his act.
Howard got a note from Bob Levy who suggested that they roast Crazy Cabbie next since he's getting out of jail in a month. Artie thinks that's too tragic of a person to roast and people aren't going to laugh. Howard said that it was Levy's idea though and he's had some good ideas with the roasts so far.
Artie said that he had to talk Bob Levy in off the ledge over the weekend because of the comments that he made about him on Thursday. Howard said that must have been some conversation. Artie said he thinks that Bob is an amazing comedian and people should go see him to see for themselves.
Howard replayed an audio clip from NBC news where Joey Boots got on camera and yelled out ''Baba Booey'' over and over again during a live report.
The guys talked about the Artie Roast which they recorded at night on Thursday. Howard said he knows that it will make for great TV but he was really worn out that night. He's not sure if the audience would be up for the night time shows very often. He also said he's not sure he could do 2 shows in one day again. He had to go to break after that so he had George do another announcement for them.
Howard had George Flowers and Jon Hein in to give their show previews. George gave his Howard 100 News preview first. He had the two Georges demonstrating their lowest voices and Flowers was able to get a little lower than Takei.
Howard let George Flowers know that Gary had come out against him on the air this morning. George said he wasn't aware of that because he likes Gary. Gary came in and said that George stands out in the hall mumbling and talking about how disgusting the show is and he doesn't want to hear that. He said that this show is his life, it's how he feeds his kids and George is very judgmental about the show. George said that a lot of the stuff they do on the show is disgusting so Gary said that he doesn't have to react in front of him. He doesn't want to hear him talking about how disgusting the show is in his office.
George apologized to Gary for reacting in front of him and said that he will do it elsewhere from now on. Gary is trying to produce that disgusting show in his office and that's where George chooses to vent. Gary said that it's kind of odd how George will have to come into his office to see the twins riding the Sybian to see just how disgusting it is. George said that he doesn't have to see it but he has seen many things in his career as a news man and that's what he does.
Gary told George that the way he does things is very condescending and judgmental and he doesn't like that. He said that one time he asked Shuli if he wanted some betadyne to clean himself up with after going to Siobhan's apartment. That's not necessary according to Gary.
George and Gary have talked out their problems and will move on from there. Howard had George get to his news preview. He said they have stories about the cheerleaders who have been suspended and the Talkers magazine award show that Howard won an award at.
Jon Hein was up next so he said they'll be talking to George Takei during the Wrap Up show today. They'll also talk about the new stories we learned about during the Christa Miller call today. They'll also be talking about a bunch of other things that were discussed during the show today.
Artie was holding a picture that a fan sent in of him swinging a bat in a softball game next to a picture of Babe Ruth swinging a bat. Howard said that Artie was fatter. Artie suggested that they put the picture up on Howard's web site.
Howard had Robin start her news a short time later. During the news Howard and the guys got into a discussion about ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. That led to Howard asking George if he's ever met any of Brad's boyfriends. George said he has met one of them and they've had him over for dinner. That man came over with his partner though so it was just two couples getting together.
Howard asked George if Brad has any nicknames for him. George said he just calls him 'George' but he calls Brad ''Bradder.'' Robin was reading a story about what women shouldn't bring up in a relationship. That was how they got into the discussion with George.
During the discussions about relationships, Artie mentioned that Dana used to have this thing called ''The Book of Us'' which they were supposed to write stuff about their relationship in. He said he did it a couple of times but it was just not something he was into. Dana is still in possession of that book so Howard would love to get a hold of it and read what Artie wrote in it.
Howard asked George about whether or not he likes a big penis. George said he does like a big penis but he will not ridicule a man if he has a small one. They had some fun with that for a short time during the news.
Late in the news Gary came in and told Howard that Wendy the Retard left a message where she was basically saying goodbye to them because there was a hurricane heading her way. She thought that she might die if it hits her area. Howard played the message and Wendy was saying ''farewell'' to her fans and to Howard. She told Howard that the Force would be with them if she does pass away.
Howard and George were arguing about wether or not the singing in a play like Sweeny Todd is real singing. Howard said that if he can sing the way they do in one of those plays, then it's not real singing. He demonstrated by singing a song about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new baby being born. He proved that he could do it and George told him he was surprised he had that in him.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started off the show wondering if anyone ever believed that they'd ever move to satellite. He also mentioned that George Takei is sitting in all week. He apologized for pronouncing his name wrong yesterday. George said that the way he pronounced it means ''expensive.'' Howard said that George performed a song for them yesterday so Richard took it and put music to the song. He played the song with the music in the background and had George laughing at his performance. He thought it sounded great. George said he did that song without rehearsal.
George was wearing a ''The Breakup'' t-shirt so he explained why he was wearing it. He claimed he was waiting for Artie to show up to go walking with him in Central Park yesterday. Artie said he told George that he had something to do yesterday so he couldn't make it. He did agree to do it today though so he may be walking through the park with him later this morning. Artie told Howard he agreed to go on the walk but in separate parts of the park.
Howard asked George if he would ever ''do it'' with Artie if he went that way. George said he'd have to think about that. Howard said George would probably demand that Artie go into therapy before he'd date him. He said he'd probably nag him about that until he broke up with him.
George said that Brad used to drive him up the wall about being neat and they would get into fights over it. He said Brad is very neat and that's where he came up with the nickname ''anal Annie.'' That name could be thought of in a different way but it didn't have anything to do with him being gay. George said that it makes you realize what's important. Artie added ''Cock...'' George got a laugh out of that.
Robin said that George loved Brad enough to go into therapy to keep that relationship going. Artie wouldn't do it for Dana. George said he did think about what it would be like without Brad in his life so that's why he would do something like that. Robin asked Artie if he's thought about that with Dana. Artie joked around about it instead of answering seriously. Howard said Artie is probably thinking about all of the sex he can have now that he's out of the relationship.
Howard said they've gotten a lot of feedback about George's return to the show. He read through a bunch of the mail and a lot of people are very happy he's back this week. One person said George sounded like he was as comfortable on the show as he would be at home. Another person wrote in about how George is a germphobic type but he doesn't mind sticking his dick in another man. Howard said that George really isn't into anal though. George confirmed that but Artie added that George has a tough time sitting down around his birthday.
Howard played some audio clips that the guys put together using audio clips from the show yesterday where they had George saying very nice things about Osama bin Laden. They took him saying ''Osama bin Laden'' and used that over and over again to have him saying he loves the guy, he's talented, macho and many other things.
Howard also played a prank call that they created using audio clips from George's audio book. They had George calling a guy and talking about ''lengthy black men'' and insulting the guy who was from Arkansas. Howard asked George if he keeps a straight face when he makes calls like that. George said he's thinking of taking back the freedom of speech award that he brought in for Howard yesterday. He said it's got to be against the law to use his voice in that way.
Howard read a story about NFL player Ben Roethlisberger who was injured in a motorcycle accident. He wasn't wearing a helmet so Howard wondered why someone like that would ride without a helmet. He said he doesn't understand doing that when he's making millions a year playing football. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who suggested they have the God Hates Fags woman, Shirley, come on the show and argue with George Takei. Howard said they're going to make that happen in about 10 minutes.
Another e-mailer wrote in about Artie's upcoming downfall. After his breakup with Dana, things are going to go downhill and he will fall apart after getting into cocaine again. Artie just laughed when he heard that one. Another e-mailer commended Artie for breaking it off with Dana because it's better than having him marry her and have kids and then break up. The writer described the way it would go and how Artie would be so miserable that he wouldn't be able to work.
Howard read another few e-mails and one guy said Howard should be making a movie about Artie's life because his stories are great. There was another guy who asked how someone like Artie could let someone like Dana go.
Howard said they put the picture of Artie and his dad with Frankie Valli up on the web yesterday and it was a very touching picture. Robin said she didn't believe that the kid in the picture was really Artie, he was too cute. Howard got some feedback about that picture so he read through that.
Some people have been suggesting that they roast Jackie the Joke Man next. Howard said he would be willing to do that if Jackie would come in. Gary said he'd call Jackie but he thinks that Jackie is afraid of the show crew going after him in a roast.
Howard said some people have suggested that they roast George Takei. They talked about that for a short time and Artie said that they may have used up all of the gay jokes during the Ralph roast. George didn't know who Ralph was so Artie had to explain who he was.
Some people didn't like Sal and Richard's antics after the roast last week. He read through some of the mail about that. One writer thinks that Howard was more creative on terrestrial radio and the guy says he won't listen anymore.
Some people wrote in about Christa Miller's call yesterday and how Mandy Moore should have called in herself to defend herself. Christa was calling in to speak for Mandy. One writer said that Mandy is just upset that she lost her virginity to a ''brown man'' and that's why she's denying having lost her virginity to Wilmer Valderrama.
One writer said that Robin was wrong about what she was saying about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new born baby. She didn't think it was a U.S. citizen since it was born outside of the country. The writer said that the child is a U.S. citizen as long as one of the parents have a home in the country.
Howard told Shirley that George came out of the closet recently. Shirley asked George if he's a little bit old to be coming out of the closet. She then started to go off on him about bringing this upon the country at such an elderly age. George explained to her that he and Brad have been out of the closet for years but he just spoke to the press last year for the first time.
George told Shirley that his god is Buddha, not the same god as hers. She said that everyone has the same god and George being gay is an insult to their god. George was trying to make a point but Shirley kept interrupting him and going off on her own crazy thoughts.
George tried to tell Shirley about his thoughts on all of this stuff but she kept repeating the same stuff over and over again. Howard said that the two of them had no common ground. He told George that Shirley can push anyone's buttons. She told George that all he's doing is pissing off God and he shouldn't even talk. George asked Shirley if she knows that this is America and he can talk if he wants. Shirley then starts talking about why God hates America. She then started giving plugs for all of the hateful web sites she and her people have now. They have GodHates... web sites for Canada, Sweden, America and many other sites. They even have a site called PriestsRapeBoys.com.
Jeff the Drunk called in and called Shirley a ''dumb cunt'' but she just laughed. She then went off on Howard for what he does on his show. George said it's kind of sad that she's so hateful and goes through life like that. Robin let George know that she has 11 kids as well.
A phone caller said that he hopes that Shirley's kids all turn out gay after all of this hate preaching. She said that they don't just turn gay one day and that's not going to happen with her kids. George said that they do have to tolerate stuff like this because we do have free speech in this country. That led to Shirley saying that freedom of speech is being taken away from people in this country because of their church and they're trying to silence them.
A caller asked this woman if she's ever heard the term ''Love they neighbor?'' Shirley said that has a meaning and started to ramble with her bible stuff. Gary came in and told Howard that they have a list of funerals that are coming up so she and her people can go protest at dead soldier's funerals. Howard took a call from a guy who said that if she shows up at any funeral he's at, he'll take care of things. He said that if she would be getting her ass kicked back to where she came from.
Shirley was telling Howard that one of the callers was a ''filthy mouth'' and he should stop him from talking like that. Howard wrapped up with her and found out that she's heading to North Carolina to protest an idol of Billy Graham because he's a ''false prophet.''
Artie asked Shirley if there are any celebrities out there that she likes. She said that she likes to watch the entertainment shows but she doesn't have a favorite. She said she is a fan of what Mel Gibson did with his movie ''The Passion of the Christ'' but he left out one thing from the movie... what she's telling Howard and how God is pissed off about what's going on in this world.
Howard asked Shirley if she likes ''Dancing with the Stars'' or ''American Idol.'' She's not a fan of either one because of what they represent. Artie said he agrees with her about not liking those shows. Howard wanted to create a show for Shirley where they would have the God Hates Fags people in a dance competition. He would call it ''Dancing with the Fag Haters.'' He also suggested ''America's Top Fag Hating Bachelor'' where one of her guys, who isn't married yet, can get set up with some fellow fag haters. Shirley won't be participating in that kind of thing so Howard suggested a ping pong contest where the God Hates Fags people go up against Gays. She wasn't into that one either.
Robin suggested a ''Fag Hating Survivor'' just so they could get all of these people on one island. Artie suggested ''Everybody Hates Fags'' as a CBS spin-off of ''Everybody Loves Raymond.'' Howard suggested ''Sein-fags'' and Robin threw in ''Queer Factor.''
Howard said that if her crew is willing to have a dance off, he'll make her an executive producer on the show. Shirley doesn't have time for that but now she's busy preaching her hate. She said that Howard has brought the wrath of god down on his head and she has to spend her time spreading the word.
Howard let Mariann from Brooklyn yell at Shirley for a few seconds. After she went off on her Artie wanted to get back to Shirley because her voice was easier to take. Mariann was claiming that Shirley does this to make money but Shirley claims that they don't ask anyone for money, they work for a living to make the money they use to go around the country preaching. Shirley said that she's a lawyer and she works hard for her money. Robin was surprised that she even has clients.
Howard wanted to wrap up this discussion because it could go on all day long if he didn't stop it. After Shirley got off the phone Fred played the cuckoo clock sound effect. Howard said that George was actually trying to speak to this woman but she wouldn't listen to what he had to say. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard pretended to spank George and then said that Artie was going to tickle George with his penis. Fred payed a zipper unzipping sound and then more of George's laughs. Howard told Artie that was enough and moved on.
Howard took some phone calls next and said that he was going through HowardStern.com and saw that there is no bio for Howard on there. Howard said Doug Herwitt wrote one for him and he hated it so they never posted it. He said he didn't want a bio and if people don't know his bio already, they're not allowed to listen.
The caller brought up a conversation Howard had a couple of months ago about a B-list celebrity he had gotten oral from. He told Howard he thinks that it was Carmen Electra. Howard said he's glad he believes that but it wasn't her.
Another caller told Howard that Artie has made him cry twice now in the past couple of weeks. He said that the story about his father and his break up with Dana have brought tears to his eyes. Fred played some Twilight Zone music for the guy after hearing that. That caller also told Howard that he likes the way Beth looks on the G4 show ''Filter'' but he doesn't like the show itself. Howard told him to just watch the show for her then.
Artie asked Howard what Beth's show is about. Howard said he's not sure what the show is about exactly, but she's the host of the show. He said he tunes in just to see her outfits, he doesn't care what the rest of the show is about.
Howard said he watched the MTV Movie Awards the other night and he thought that Christina Aguilera looked really good. The hottest chick on the show was Kate Hudson though. He said she's lost weight and looks really good. Artie said he's a huge fan of Jessica Alba's but Howard and Fred were talking about how she's sexless and appears to be too good for everyone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Robin comes off like she's better than everyone. Both Howard and Robin said that's because she is.
Another caller said that he gets off by looking at pictures of young babies but he's not a pedophile. Artie said ''yes you are'' after the guy denied it. He said this has been going on for a couple of years now but he would never touch a baby in a sexual way.
Robin told this guy that if he gets turned on by kids, then he's a pedophile. The guy said it used to be teenagers but now it's kids who are under the age of 3 that turn him on. Howard said that he's definitely a pedophile. He told him to get some psychiatric help immediately. The guy said there must be people like him out there. There are, and they're pedophiles. Howard told the guy to go get some help. The guy disagreed that he needs help and he won't be trying to get any.
There was another audio clip where Henry Rollins said something nice about Howard so he played that clip as well. In the clip Rollins was basically reading a letter he wrote to the FCC where he asked them what they're thinking by fining people like Howard Stern and Bubba the Love Sponge. He points out the idiocy of their fining and censorship.
Howard had an audio clip from 'COPS' to play. He said that it's actually the longest running reality show with no recurring characters on it. He played the clip in which a woman is rambling, sounding very much like Cartman from ''South Park.'' She mumbles and eventually has to be taken down by the cops. Howard played another clip from 'COPS' where a woman goes nuts after the cops put her in handcuffs.
Howard had a clip of Paris Hilton appearing on David Letterman's show last night. He said that she really annoys him. George said he was walking down the street yesterday and saw a Howard of people out on the street taking pictures and it was Paris coming out of the building. Someone recognized George out on the street as well but there was no Howard of people out there taking his picture. Howard played the clip where Letterman talks to Paris about her new CD that she claims to have written herself. Letterman asked her if she would sing for them and she turned that down.
Paris said she wants to do a really hot performance for them but she wasn't prepared to do that. Howard said he knows that everyone is laughing at her but Robin added that they're also making her rich in the process. Artie said he heard that she got a piece of that sex video that was put out with her in it.
Letterman asked Paris about being single again. She said she's never really been alone so this is good for her and she will get to know herself a little better. Fred played Crackhead Bob's ''Blah, blah, blah'' audio clip after hearing Paris rambling.
Howard had another audio clip where Pat Robertson is talking about leg pressing 2000 pounds. He started to play the clip but it was 3 minutes long and the guy was so boring that he bailed out on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is going to take all of the music performances from the old shows to pay on Howard 101 or something. He said they're putting together a bunch of specials with those old K-Rock shows that they'll air on the weekends and stuff. He wants to host some of those shows himself. He's not sure if he wants to just play the songs or the whole interview with the song. He said they're going to have to appoint at least 2 people to go through all of the content to figure out what to do with it.
Howard said he's been very diligent about taking notes about the shows and archiving all of the audio so everything is in order. They just have to go through it and take some clips from the old shows to make these specials. He said that stuff will eventually get out there to everyone.
Howard quickly mentioned that they have Dustin Diamond (Screech) coming in to talk about how he's losing his house. They also have Louis C.K. coming in to talk about his new HBO show ''Lucky Louie.''
JD had warned him that it wasn't going to be very good but Howard was liking what he was hearing. He said it wasn't the caliber of the Artie Roast but it was some funny material. JD apologized for what he said about it not being funny. Gilbert's act quickly went down hill after that.
Howard asked JD if Mario Cantone was funny. JD wasn't sure so Howard played the clip to find out for himself. He had a few funny jokes in there and had George Takei laughing. Howard then said that once they started roasting people on their show, everyone has the bright idea to roast people on their shows. Artie said that Comedy Central brought back the concept of roasting people a few years ago but it is kind of odd that they are doing something like that.
Gary told Howard that there was a show in Washington DC that did a revelation show just like they did when they moved to satellite. Howard said that he'd love to look at the list of subscribers to see just how many of these guys are listening to his show and ripping off his ideas. He said they like to lift stuff from his show and then bad mouth him. Gary said they sometimes steal stuff and change it just a little bit to make it seem like they came up with a great idea.
The guys got sidetracked and spent some time talking about Artie's roast from last week. Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that he didn't invent the roast. Howard said he wasn't saying he invented the roast, he just finds it odd that now that they've been roasting people on the show that a show like The View is doing the same type of thing.
Lisa said that they're also going to be talking about how so many people want George to be a regular on the show. George said he would love to do that but he has a lot of other commitments. He told Howard that he's going to be doing a new Star Trek episode, for ''New Voyages'' that will not be airing on TV. It's going to be on the internet. He said that he may be able to come back in September to do another week of shows with Howard and the crew.
Lisa said they'll be talking about people with chronic lung problems like Scott the Engineer and how playing the harmonica may help. Howard thanked her for the preview and let her go after that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called back and complained that she was stifled by Colin Quinn and Lisa Lampanelli who told her that her jokes were no good. She took them out because of that. Howard wanted to hear a couple of the jokes that she left out. Mariann rambled off a couple of the jokes and Howard told her that Colin and Lisa were right, it was best that she took them out of her act. Artie said he's so pissed that she didn't do them that day. Howard had to take a break after that so he had George do a quick announcement.
Howard said one of his favorite sounds on the show is the Mike Walker fart that they caught him doing off the air. He said that if he was on Inside the Actors Studio and they asked him what his favorite sound is, it would be that fart. Richard Christy took that fart sound and called the public affairs shows that they've been calling quite a bit lately. In the first clip Richard calls this guy who they've called a bunch of times lately. He used audio of the host's voice to have a conversation with himself. Then they called back with the Mike Walker fart and played that a couple of times. He hangs up on them but they had all of the lines taken up so when he went to the next call, he got the fart once again.
Artie said that he just saw a picture of the woman that Cynthia Nixon is dating and he didn't know that the chick looks just like Danny Bonaduce. Howard said that's the one picture that they printed from the Tony Awards and the only reason they're doing that is because Cynthia came out. Artie said that it's great that a woman like that found love.
Howard played some Mike Walker fart song parodies and things like that. He took a call from a woman who asked if they're going to play the Beetlejuice song now that they have the classic clips. Howard said they'll play all of that stuff eventually. He went into another Mike Walker song for a few seconds and then brought in Dustin Diamond.
Dustin came in and Howard noticed that he had his teeth capped but they were a bit too white. Dustin said he went up to Canada to have them done and they did it for free up there. Dustin told George that he's got a great voice so Howard played a bunch of the George Takei audio clips that Richard created.
Howard asked Dustin about the money situation he's in right now. Dustin said he's been out on the road doing comedy and things like that. He said he made about $2 million total for the Saved by the Bell thing. It wasn't all that much since it was a Saturday morning show. He said his parents pissed away a lot of the money he made.
Dustin said he moved on after that and made up with his father who came along with him to Milwaukee. He said he's been selling out a lot of clubs and shows doing comedy but he's in danger of losing his house out there. He said that his girlfriend had a problem with her pregnancy and they ended up losing the baby. That ended up costing them $125,000 in medical bills. He said his credit sucks because all of his money was pissed away by his parents. Since his credit is such a mess, he can't get a mortgage loan. He said this guy offered to hook him up with a loan that is now allowing the guy to take the property from him unless he gives him $250,000 in 30 days.
Dustin said that he's got a bunch of other things going on with that land contract and now he's trying to make a few bucks to try and save his house. He said he's got a t-shirt that he wants to sell for $15 and he's going to use the proceeds to save his house. He's reaching out to the public to save his house. He'd have to sell around 30,000 shirts to make up that money. Howard and Artie both said they'd buy shirts from him. Artie asked for a XX size but he didn't have any with him. You can help Dustin out by going to GetDShirts.com.
Artie offered Dustin a gig out in Pittsburgh opening up for him. Dustin warned him that he's a dirty comic. Artie just laughed since he's dirty as well. He said he'll give Dustin $2,000 to open up for him but they money is coming out of his cut. The show is already sold out so they're all set.
Dustin told Howard how he met his girlfriend while he was joking around in a club one night. He gave her the whole deal about how he was on Saved by the Bell and things like that to get it out of the way immediately. Robin asked him why he won't just leave the home. Dustin said it's his home and he's put a lot of money into it over the past 3 years. He's got equity built up in the house but he can't get a loan.
Howard said that George Takei is on the board of a bank so he asked him if they would give him a loan. George said that they have people who would have to go through that with him.
Howard asked Dustin about his penis size since one of the rumors on the web is about that. Dustin said that's one of the rumors that's true. He said he's probably around 10 inches fully erect. They spent a short time on that subject. Dustin was telling Howard that the first time he had sex it was horrible because there was so much blood from the woman.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that they had $500 for Dustin if he wanted to do some stunts. They had a dildo that he could choke on, taking a tea bag from them or maybe some Gay Chicken. Richard explained that one to him but he had no desire to do that stuff.
Dustin got back to the discussion about the first time he had sex. He told Howard about the blood and how the girl was a virgin so there was a lot of ''rippage'' going on there. He was basically saying that having as much girth as he has is a curse.
Howard had the guys bring in Dustin's girlfriend Jennifer to find out what it's like to be with a man with a penis that large. She said that she was afraid the first time she saw him. She said that it took him a while to get her in bed. She said that his penis is the largest that she's ever seen. Dustin told Howard that the first time he went to kiss her, she didn't just turn her head, she left him hanging and all he got was air. He said he had respect for her after that.
Howard asked Jennifer if it was painful the first time. She said it was a bit uncomfortable. Dustin said he's able to get the whole thing in there but he can't just ram it in there. He said he's gentle with her. He was telling Howard that all condoms hurt when they're on, even the Magnums. He said that the Magnums are actually too short for him.
Howard asked Jennifer if she had warning when Dustin pulled out his dick for the first time. She said he did warn her but she thought he was joking around. She didn't know he was serious. Jennifer said she was very shocked because it was ''Screech.''
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he could help Dustin get his credit in line in the next 30 days or so. He gave out a phone number for his business and stuff like that. Bob Levy called in and told Dustin that if he really wants to sell a t-shirt, he should sell one that says ''I just fucked Artie out of $2,000.'' Artie was saying that he's not taking anyone else off the show out there, he's just adding one more guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy is coming off kind of bad selling stuff like this to make money. Dustin said he's not just asking for money, he's selling something to make the money. A lot of comedians sell t-shirts and stuff.
Dustin said that all of the information about this stuff is on his web site and it's an embarrassing thing for him to have to go out and ask for money like this. Artie said he's giving him this gig for Karma because he's pretty sure he'll be broke one day.
Howard told Dustin that his fiancee is a very lovely woman and thanked him for coming in. He talked to Dustin about his big cock a little more and said he would never know what it's like to be able to not be embarrassed to take his pants down in a bathroom. Howard said it's a blessing to have a penis that large and he should never even think about getting a penis reduction. Artie said that when he takes a piss it looks like water coming out of a stomach. He also said that he's had guys at Yankee games trying to check out his cock.
Howard said he's got almost a button as a dick down there so it's embarrassing to go to the bathroom in public. George said that he's had people trying to look while he's trying to pee in public so he has to ask for a private bathroom. He's not hung like Dustin though.
Dustin said that if he sits on a toilet, his dick is so long that it touches the water or the side of the toilet. He said it's a pain in the ass to go to the bathroom because he almost has to roll it up and out of the way. Howard said he would love that. He said he can walk around in front of Beth right after sex because he's still got a semi-hard penis and he looks fantastic, but it soon begins to wilt so he has to put it away after that.
Howard asked Dustin how far down his leg his penis hangs. He said hit hangs down as long as it is but he didn't want to show it to Howard. Artie said that Sal and Richard looked like they were excited about the fact that they might get a chance to see his dick and it was very disturbing.
Howard said this stuff is not fun for Dustin and he's gotten himself into a bad business deal. He ended up talking to Dustin about working on ''Saved by the Bell'' but he kept getting back to his big penis. He had a lot of questions about what it's like to have a dick that big. He said that Jennifer must be quite a woman to deal with that thing.
Howard said that Dustin is a nice guy and this is an unfortunate situation for him. He gave him another plug for his web site GetDShirts.com and wrapped up a short time later.
Howard took another call from a guy who said the Artie roast was great. He also asked about Louis C.K. Since he had seen his new TV show on HBO and liked it. That led to the guys talking about how they shoot that show like a regular sitcom but they're allowed to curse.
A phone caller asked Howard to play a classic prank call that they have in the K-Rock archives. He wanted to hear the ''My Turban is Dirty'' call that Sal made. Howard said that he would play that clip even though he wasn't going to play any of the classic stuff yet. He granted the guy his wish and played the call. In the classic call Sal calls an Indian restaurant and told him he had a guy coming to pick up some food who was named ''Mitur Binesderty.'' The guy freaks out on them and hangs up multiple times.
Howard said he was reading his bio and a lot of fucked up stuff stands out. He claims that his parents sent him to a retarded kids camp one year, but Louis isn't retarded. He said that's similar to the story about Babe Ruth whose parents dumped him off in an orphanage when he was a young boy. Louis said that his parent made a mistake and dropped him at this camp not knowing that it was for retarded kids.
Howard asked Louis if he could have turned that retarded camp thing into something special because he must have been the most popular kid at camp. Louis said that didn't happen for him. He was only in 3rd grade at the time, but he did go back for 3 years. He said his dad sent him to try and toughen him up because he though he was a little ''soft'' back then.
Howard asked Louis if the people at camp ever asked him why he was there. Louis said that the camp was supposed to be for both retarded kids and regular kids but no one ever sent their normal kids there. His parents were the only ones who were dumb enough to send them there.
Louis said he never put any moves on the retarded girls there. He said he never even kissed a girl until he was a freshman in high school. He also talked about going to see hookers in New York City. He said there was one time he was out looking for motorcycle parts and ran across one of these street hookers. That was a long time ago when he was much younger. Artie said he and some friends got a whore to blow them and he shared one chick with a friend. Louis said he was filled with shame after doing something like that and wouldn't want anyone else around to see it.
Louis said he went to find this motorcycle shop and there was a woman hanging out the window and showing her tits so he waved back. She quickly came down and offered to blow him for eight bucks so he took her up on the offer. He had to give $20 to this guy to buzz them into the building which was condemned. The place was a mess and the windows were broken so the wind was blowing through the place in the middle of winter.
Louis said the woman had chunks of hair missing out of her hair. She put a condom on him and blew him. Then he got up to leave and some guy started heading his way so he tried to get out of there as fast as possible. He somehow escaped and heard the woman say ''Oh, we lost him...'' He figured that they were out to kill him at that point.
Howard read some other notes from Louis' bio and saw that there was a guy who lived in his neighborhood as a kid and would pick kids up in his Ford Pinto. He would offer teenage boys lunch so some kids would get in and go with him. Then he'd put his hand on their knee and tell them that he wanted to be their friend. Louis didn't get into that stuff though. He did said he got into drugs for a while.
Howard asked Louis about what he's getting paid working at HBO and if they pay as poorly as he's heard. Louis said he's doing pretty good for what he's doing. He told Howard that they're able to talk about just about anything on the show and even called God a cunt during a funny scene with Jim Norton, who used the word about 40 times, and HBO never said a word about it.
Howard read that Louis wrote the movie ''Pootie Tang'' so he spent some time talking to him about that. Louis told Howard about a meeting he had with the people who financed the film and how they yelled at him after seeing it for the first time. Louis said that all he wanted to do at the time was make movies and that dream was being ruined by these guys as they were yelling at him. He actually enjoyed having them yelling at him though and turned it into a good thing. He said surviving failure is an amazing thing. Artie said ''Tell me about it...''
Louis said he remembers watching Siskel and Ebert reviewing the movie and talking about how awful it was. Howard wondered why they released it at all. Louis said they did so because Chris Rock was very hot at the time. The movie has made its' money back since then and it's become a bit of a cult classic.
George Takei told Louis that his success is because of the attitude he has. His failures actually helped him get to where he is now. Howard asked Louis if he ever got any good looking hookers. Louis said he did have a couple, but he really didn't go to a lot of hookers.
Louis talked about going to therapy and how he had to get out of that because he hated to keep hearing himself talking about all of his shit. What he learned in therapy is that his wife is nuts. He said that he hasn't had sex with his wife since about March. The woman who plays his wife in the TV show is attractive but he said he didn't pick her just because of that.
Gary came in and asked Louis about an odd sexual encounter he had when he was 12. He read that he sat on a guy's back as the guy screwed the floor. Louis said that he was about 12 or 13 at the time and he had just jerked off for the first time and had something come out. A friend of his had just done it for the first time and did it in a strange way so he was asked to sit on the guy's back as he jerked off and he did it.
Howard thanked Louis for coming in and gave him a plug for his show ''Lucky Louie'' which airs Sunday night's at 10:30pm on HBO. You can get more info about his upcoming comedy shows at LouisCK.com
Louis told Howard about the first time he heard his show and how, at first, he was pissed off that they weren't playing music on the show. He wondered what that shit was and then Howard called Yoko Ono on some talk show and prank called her. That's when he realized how great the show was. Howard wished him luck with his show again. Artie is also happy for him because he's seen him working so hard to get his stuff going over the years. He remembered a movie that Louis made years ago and how great it was. Louis said that movie was never released and the only copy is sitting under his bed. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Howard asked if anyone had seen the clip on the internet of the black kid yelling at the Korean deli owner. He said that blacks seem to have a lot of anger toward Koreans because they come to this country, open stores and prosper. Howard played the audio from the video he was talking about. In the clip you hear the little kid yelling at the deli owner saying he gave the woman a $20 but she claims he gave him $10. The kid said he wasn't going to leave until he got his motherfucking change. It was actually very funny. The woman was actually Japanese, not Korean like Howard thought she was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it was great to hear the show while he drives his truck. He also gave a shout out to the people on SFN and said something about 'I Heart' being a douche bag. Howard had some idea what the guy was talking about.
Howard mentioned the fact that Frank Sinatra Jr. Had walked out on the show yesterday. Someone sent in an e-mail about that and said that it was probably Artie's fault. Gary said he never even got a call about that from the record company that booked him. He said the people at SIRIUS were upset because he was supposed to do a whole day's worth of interviews.
Howard had George Flowers give his Howard 100 News preview. He went through the list of stuff that Lisa G had mentioned earlier in the morning. Jon Hein then talked about what they were going to be discussing on the Wrap Up Show today. He mentioned the Dustin Diamond and Louis C.K. interviews and said they'll talk about those. They'll also be talking about the George Takei clips that Richard put together and about the classic ''My Turban is Dirty'' clip that Howard played.
Howard asked Artie if he will ever go to Jessica Hahn for that hand job that she offered to him. He said he thought about that and figures he won't go there because there's too much baggage there. She's got the boyfriend and that would be just too much for him... but if she's in a room with him and starts jerking him off, he's not going to stop her.
Richard Christy came in and asked George if he wanted to ride the Sybian. Howard told him that George wouldn't get off on that and he's not the type of guy who would ride it.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks he's dating now because he went to see ''The Breakup.'' Guys don't go to see that movie by themselves or with guy friends. Artie said he went with his aunt and uncle and he's not dating right now. He said he is going out to Vegas this weekend though.
Bubba the Love Sponge called in and said he wanted to chime in on the Artie stuff. He said he wants to bring Artie down there to Tampa to hook him up. Artie said he's thinking about booking some gigs down there just so he can hang out with Bubba.
Artie was also saying that he knows a few chicks in Pittsburgh that are slam dunks for him and they'll all show up to his gigs out there. They're all hot according to Artie.
Bubba was telling Howard that he's got that hot chick Akira coming over to his house to do a photo shoot. He said he's tried to get her in bed with his soon-to-be-wife but it hasn't happened yet. Bubba was saying that she does have a black mark against her because she did make out with Ralph on the couch at Scores. Howard asked Ralph what ever happened with that. Ralph said he lost touch with her after losing his phone.
Howard told Bubba that he really can't get married because he's got so much crazy shit going on in his life. Bubba said she's really cool though and he's working out a pre-nup already. Bubba got back to the Akira discussion and talked about how she's staying over at his place on Thursday and then they're going to do a whole video shoot with her on Friday.
Bubba also mentioned this hot chick he had on his show yesterday, Melissa Midwest, and how he thinks he could get her to sleep with Artie. Artie said he'll be down there tomorrow if that's the case. Bubba said she'll do just about anything he tells her to do. He's pretty sure that he could get her to hook up with Artie and she's even better looking in person than she is in her pictures.
Artie and Bubba spent a couple of minutes talking about all of the chicks Artie could be banging. That led to the guys talking about having a ''puss off'' between Ralph and Bubba. They were going to go out and pick up chicks to see who can get the best looking chicks. Howard has seen Ralph in action and he knows that he can get some hot chicks.
Bubba wants to help Artie out with this stuff but Artie was saying he doesn't want to be a charity case. The guys were sharing stories about using condoms or not using them for oral sex. Artie said he's had a condom on while getting oral but Ralph and Bubba were saying they never do that.
Howard told Artie he really does need to go down to Tampa to do an appearance, just so he can do this with Bubba. Howard brought up Hulk Hogan since he recently moved to Miami and isn't around Bubba anymore. Bubba said he heard from Hulk and he's miserable down there. He wants to move back now.
Howard thinks that Artie would fall in love with one of these whores because it's the kind of woman he's looking for. Bubba said there's a web site out there that hooks rich guys up with chicks who are looking for guys like that.
Howard said he had an offer coming in from Jessica Hahn. She was on the phone saying that she looks so good right now that she might be able to slip away for a weekend. Artie told her that he was going to be very cold right now and said that he can get a 23 year old chick right now if he wanted. He said that Jessica is like 58 now and he's not interested in that. She said she might be able to find someone hot for Artie, probably someone hotter than the girls Ralph and Bubba could find.
The guys were saying that Artie needs a wing man when he's out looking for chicks. Artie said his wing man is going to be 35 Ben Franklins. Howard had to get going after that because it was after 11 o'clock already. Artie said that he might go to Jessica just so he could brag that he had shared a woman with Kinison. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he was reading on SternFanNetwork about a debate on whether or not the opening theme song should be the opening theme song. He said he didn't think he should put that much thought into it though. Artie suggested that he not read that site anymore then. He said that's probably right but he can't help it.
Howard said there was a whole discussion about a comment he made about ending the show at 10:30 yesterday because he told Beth he wanted to do that. That led to people talking about how whipped he is even though it was his idea to try and end the show like that. Now he figures there will be a whole thread about how he's trying to save the relationship by saying it wasn't her idea.
There was also a discussion about how he didn't go to Scores last week after the roast. He said Beth didn't have anything to do with that either.
Howard said hello to George Takei and said that everyone was positive about him on SFN. Howard told him that he was kind of bashed over supporting Screech (Dustin Diamond) on the show yesterday. People were saying that he's not going to be homeless if he loses his house, he just won't own a home. George Takei was supportive of Dustin because people need help when they have problems like that. Robin said that people were upset because he was Screech and he was asking for money. Robin said that what bothered her was that Dustin fixed his teeth.
Artie said he can't wait to see Dustin's act in Pittsburgh. He said that Shuli was kind of upset with him for giving that $2,000 gig to Dustin. Howard said a lot of people were upset about that deal. George thought that showed that Artie had a big heart.
George said that there are many sides to Artie. He has a side that enjoys the finer side of life. Howard said that this is almost like a modern day ''Odd Couple.'' Artie said that he learned a lot going to that museum. Howard said he was impressed by this and it's nice to see them getting along like this.
Artie said that what he likes about architecture is that white collar guys have to mix with construction guys to get these jobs done.
The guys figured that if Dana had asked Artie to go to that museum, he probably wouldn't have gone. Artie said he's been to a museum with her. George said Artie showed up with a camera man (Jason) and a whole entourage (Steve Langford from Howard 100 News). Jason came in and said that Artie didn't ask them to come with him, they just met them over there so they'd have a news story.
Artie was saying that Steve Langford is really intense and invades your personal space. He was asking them about their ''date'' while interviewing them.
Howard said he went over to his porn shelf, grabbed whatever was there and threw it in the DVD player. He pulled out ''Sopornos 4.'' He figured he had pulled something bad out and wanted to change it but he also wanted to just get it over with. He was surprised by the quality of the girls and very disturbed by the guy who played Tony Soporno.
Howard talked about this Asian chick who was sucking this guy off while another girl was sucking the guy's balls. He had to turn away because it was so painful looking to him. He fast forwarded and found another spot where he was able to blow a load. He wasn't focused on the guy's balls by that point because the guy was banging the Asian chick while she ate out another chick.
The guys talked about porn for a couple of minutes and George was saying that this is all foreign territory for him. Howard asked him if he watches porn at all. George said he doesn't watch that type of porn and Brad doesn't like him watching gay porn. He's not sure why, he just said '''that's just him...'' He said Brad may feel that there should be purity in the relationship. He said Brad knows that he watches porn once in a while.
Howard asked George how often he goes off and watches porn. He said it happens periodically, maybe every couple of months.
George was telling Howard that he got into a conversation with a fan of his yesterday and spent a few minutes talking to him in Spanish. Howard got back to the porn story a short time later and asked George where he gets the porn. George said he gets it from friends who tell him to check that stuff out. Howard asked him where he hides his porn. He didn't want to say it on the air but eventually said he hides it under his bed. He said he'll have to change that hiding place now.
Howard and Robin asked him what kind of porn he likes. George said he likes the form of an aroused male body and two people together. Richard came in and told Howard he had some audio clips George might like to hear. Howard played a clip from ''Gag the Fag'' where a guy was gagging on another man. George was laughing as he heard it and gave us an ''Oh my!'' Howard played another couple of clips of guys getting it on but George said it's not the same hearing it as it would be watching it.
Howard said he watched that Sopornos movie and wanted to clean up before going to bed. He got up, put the porn away and flushed his tissues down the toilet. He said he used 3 tissues, 2 for jerking off into and one to wrap up the two in. He made sure they were flushed away so no one would find them. George said that he suggests a towel instead of tissues.
Howard asked George what he does with the towels he uses. George said he throws them into the wash. Howard thought he had someone who washes his laundry so someone would see the cum filled towel. Artie said that George likes getting blown by Arab guys because the towel is right there for him. He got a few laughs from that and said he may have to put that in his comedy act.
Howard said he's learned something about George blowing his load into a towel. He didn't know that about him. Artie was saying that George wouldn't stop with the talk about Brad yesterday. It was ''Brad, Brad, Brad, Brad, Brad...'' George said he didn't mean to make him jealous. He was also saying that he was learning a lot about Artie yesterday and it was like peeling off the many layers of Artie.
George was saying that he would like to go to a baseball game with Artie but Artie said the people at the game would be a little more cretinous than George's friends are. George's friends would accept him more easily than Artie's friends would accept George.
Howard said that Artie is going to Vegas this weekend and Dana may be worried because Artie is talking a lot about getting laid by some 23 year old. Howard said Artie even told Jessica Hahn that he was turning her down because he could be banging a 23 year old. Howard thinks the word must have gotten back to Dana and she got jealous.
Artie said he's still thinking about saving the relationship but he was really excited about going to Vegas. He misses Dana and it's hard for him not to call her. He said they did get into a little fight after he told her that he saw that she had called and didn't call her back.
Howard asked Artie what he's going to do, is he going to go to Vegas and bang a whore, or not bang anyone. Artie isn't sure what he wants to do. He said he was thinking of telling Dana that he's getting laid in Vegas one way or another. Either she's coming with him or he's going to bang some other chick.
Howard got a hold of the pictures that Jason took of Artie and George yesterday. The pictures are up on HowardStern.com today. He told Artie and George that the pictures would go perfectly in their ''Book of Us.'' He wanted to pass them along to The Advocate magazine.
Howard got back to Artie and asked him about the Vegas trip. Artie said he's kind of confused now. He felt like he lost something there and he knows that he could be back with her if he just made an appointment with a shrink. Artie said the film festival he's going to at The Palms is going to be great. He said Dennis Hopper is having his birthday out there this weekend so he's going to go to that.
Artie said that Dana got really annoyed with him so she hung up on him. He went back to watching the Yankee game instead of getting into a whole argument about their relationship. Artie said he's very confused by all of this and he's not sure how to handle it.
George said that there's a core of love there and it's understandable that he's confused. He said there are some things there that he doesn't understand... Artie cut him off and said ''You mean like the fact that she has a pussy?''
Artie said he doesn't want to go to Vegas and be thinking about her when he could just have her out there. Howard gave him some advice and said that if he goes to Vegas and bangs some whores, he should never admit to it if he's thinking about getting back together with Dana. Artie said he knows that.
King of All Blacks called in and told Artie not to make the mistake of not going to Las Vegas. He said he shouldn't bring Dana. Howard told King that Artie really loves Dana though. King said he knows that but he shouldn't avoid going to Vegas. He said he knows that Dana loves him but that shouldn't stop him from going.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told him that Dana is calling him 2 days before he goes to Vegas and that's just pushing too many buttons. She told him not to make a mistake by getting back with her. She said he can't have anyone telling him what to do.
Howard took another call from a woman who thinks that Dana is playing a game with Artie. She knows that Artie is going to Vegas and she doesn't want him to be with anyone else. She thinks that Dana is just jealous and she doesn't want Artie to be with anyone else. Artie said he's not going to accept that deal if that's the case.
Robin thought that Artie wasn't sure if they were actually broken up or not. Artie said the relationship was off and he had talked about that this week. Now it seems like he's not really sure and he's thinking about getting back together with her.
Howard said Robin is right because if it was really over he wouldn't be dealing with this bullshit. He told him to either just go to the therapist or call off the whole thing. Artie said Dana is giving him a lot of mixed signals and he's not sure what's going on. Howard said that it's obvious that Artie still wants Dana and he's not going to have fun out there if he's thinking about her the whole time. He thinks he should come up with some kind of compromise with her.
Fred said that things are going to be really confusing for Artie if goes to Vegas and bangs another chick out there. Artie said he's got his cash with him and thought that he could only bring 10 grand with him on the plane. Howard told him that's only if he's leaving the country. Artie said he may have to bring 20 grand then.
A caller told Artie to cut out the middle man and just give Dana a check for $100,000 or so. Artie said it would have to be a lot more money than that. Captain Janks called in and said that while he's trying to figure out where the relationship is going, he should carry around a bottle of Jack Daniels and tube of K-Y.
Howard gave Artie some advice and said it's simple. If he really wants to break up with Dana, he should get on that plane, go to Vegas and fuck his brains out. If he wants to keep things going with Dana, he shouldn't fuck anyone out there and he should make that decision right now. Artie said he thinks that he's almost got Dana at this point and it's almost a touchdown. He sees it as if she's forcing him to go to therapy and he doesn't want that.
Howard told Artie to look him in the eye as he was asking him what he wanted to do. Artie said he's not sure if he wants to get back with her or go fuck some whores. Howard said he thinks he doesn't want to get back with Dana, if he did, he would have made that decision immediately. If being asked to go to therapy is too much for him, he should call things off and stop it already.
Fred said that if Artie doesn't budge on the therapy thing, he should just stop talking to Dana. George said he echo's what Fred said. Howard said they were going to break and when they came back, he wanted an answer. Artie said he just wanted to eat his bagel.
Howard mentioned that Robert Duvall was coming in this morning so Artie recited a bunch of lines from The Godfather doing all of the voices from the scene... all of that while eating a bagel. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard said that Gary Garver was out at a tribute to Liza Minelli and got an interview with Brittany Murphy. He said he hit her with a softball question first and then slammed her with a hardball question that chased her away. There was nothing in between.
Howard played the clip where Gary asked Brittany about how Liza has inspired her and she goes off on this whole explanation. Then Garver asked her ''Why do people think you're crazy?'' and chased her away. Artie said that second question was answered after hearing the answer for the first question.
Howard asked the caller if he wanted to play a game with them because he had some money to give away courtesy of the movie ''Running Scared'' which is coming out on DVD. Howard told the guy he had to match up 3 out of 5 questions in a Drunken Miss Howard Stern Game. He played a little intro where Sal asked her how much school she went through. He interrupted it to talk about how creepy Sal sounded in the clip. That led to a discussion about the weird stuff he does.
Howard played a clip of Sal trying to seduce Nicole Bass the other day. He tried to have phone sex with her. He was talking to her about how good she looks these days and asked her what she was wearing. He tried to have some phone sex with her but Nicole didn't want to go there. Sal turned on her and told her to whip out her dick when she didn't want to have phone sex. Nicole ended up hanging up on him.
Howard got back to the Miss Howard Stern game and listened to her talking about how she finished up 12th grade... over and over again. She was home schooled for those following along. Howard played the questions and asked the caller if she would know the answers. Here are the questions and the answers Miss Howard Stern gave...
Howard got back to the Miss Howard Stern stuff and played some more questions. The guys bet on whether or not she would answer correctly or not. Here are the questions and Miss Howard Stern's answers...
Lisa said that they'll have Steve Langford doing a report about Artie and George's ''date'' yesterday. They'll also have a story about a company trying to buy Howard a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Howard said he was going to talk about that. He's not behind it and he's not sure he agrees with the whole walk of fame thing because stars have to pay for their star. George said he has a star there and it's the fans who do it as a tribute to the stars. Howard said he's kind of proud he doesn't have a star.
Howard said the guy who started the campaign to get that star is a former Clear Channel employee. He read an article about the guy and why he's trying to get the star put in. The guy is the creator of Sinus Buster which was a sponsor of his. He read that it usually costs $15,000 to put a star in but the Hollywood Walk of Fame committee is mostly against putting Howard's name there. That's the reason Howard wouldn't want one there. He said he doesn't want to have to convince anyone to put his star there like this guy wants to do.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that they'll be talking to Frank Decarro about the prank calls he gets on his show from Stern Fans. She wrapped up her preview after that.
Gary told Howard he had a new voice mail from Eric so he went right into that. Eric was talking about this Father's day special that was supposed to be coming up but Howard had no idea what he was talking about. He doesn't have the best delivery for his jokes.
Howard goofed on Eric's voice while Fred was playing the buzzer sound effect. He continued to play the call where Eric was talking about what he hopes happened when Artie spoke to the psychic about his father. Artie told Howard about the phone call he had with the psychic and how dopey her stuff was. He said that she blurted out ''Antenna'' at one point and his father was an antenna installer but he's said that on the show before. She was asking him if his father was tall and stuff like that. She was way off on that. Artie said that the whole thing was retarded. Howard said it's sad but they got a bad bullshitter with that Psychic.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he did the psychic thing. He was blown away by what she said because she told him that his father died twice. She was right because he did die twice. He died and was revived and then died again.
Gary said that Jason was producing the show and he's the one who told the psychic to ask Scott about his father dying twice. Howard said that's what Jason should have done with all of the guys to make the show work. Jason came in and said the show was going so slow that he had to do that. He even fed her the antenna line. Howard said that if she was a real psychic, she wouldn't have needed those lines. He told Jason he should have kept going with it.
Jason said that Richie Wilson had a good reading and he didn't feed the woman any lines with him. Ronnie came in and said that Scott was full of crap because he did fall for that shit and he was going around telling everyone how amazing it was. Scott said Artie fell for the antenna thing too. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said he got some news about Spider-Man in the comic books. He's no longer hiding behind the mask in the comics. Howard said that all of the super heroes have been called 'weapons of mass destruction' by the government so they all had to come out and reveal themselves. That's how Spider-Man came out of his mask. Howard said this could lead to problems with Peter Parker's family.
Robin said she heard that there was something going on with the Justice League as well but Howard said he wasn't able to talk about that at this time. He did say that the new Superman movie is going to be in 3D in Imax theaters. He ended up talking about that movie and what he's heard about it. He also showed Robin some pictures of Peter Parker from the newspaper.
Howard said that he was looking up the ratings for the late night talk shows like David Letterman and Jay Leno. He said that they have ratings which show they have about 3.5-4.5 million listeners so they don't have many more viewers than they have subscribers to SIRIUS. He brought that up because Robin was reading a list of the most powerful people in show business and Letterman and Leno were above him on the list. He thinks that he's more powerful than them and even Oprah.
Howard had George do an introduction for him since he hadn't asked him to do any this morning. George read one of his intros as Fred was playing the Star Trek theme.
Howard played the clip of Bob Levy trying to say 'Hedonism'' from last week. The guys got some laughs out of that. George thought Bob was stuck thinking about ''helium'' while saying that word but Artie got in a dig at him saying that he was stuck on being stupid.
Howard played a prank call that Crackhead Bob made to a Chinese restaurant trying to place an order. He also played a couple of song parodies after that. He had another prank call that the guys made using George Takei audio clips. George was laughing his ass off through that call. He wanted to know how they found that poor guy who answered the phone. Howard said Richard found that guy.
Hook Nose Mike called in and said that George really brings a lot of stuff to the show. He wanted to know if he's going to be there permanently. Howard said George will be back in September but he's got a lot of other stuff going on in his life so he doesn't have time to do the show all the time.
Duvall asked Howard about his relationship with Imus because he saw his show this morning. Howard didn't get into that too much, he had Artie reciting his lines from The Godfather. Duvall said ''that's not me'' because it wasn't an impression of him. Duvall didn't know that Artie was doing it live in the studio, he thought it was a tape.
Duvall told Howard he was looking too skinny and told him to fatten up a bit. He kept bringing up this movie he was there to promote but Howard kept telling him he'd talk about that later. Duvall said they showed the movie at the White House. Robin was trying to ask some questions but Duvall wasn't able to hear her in his headphones. The guys came in and fixed his headphones a short time later.
Howard and Duvall were talking about other actors. Howard was asking him who he thinks is better than him. Duvall said there are many. He told Howard he was good in his movie. They were trying to get him to bad mouth some people but Duvall wasn't going there.
Howard asked Robert what he thinks about gay marriage since George was there. George was saying that he he's been living with his partner for 20 years now and he's looking for gay marriage to be legalized. Duvall didn't seem to be into talking about that stuff.
Artie did a little more of his Godfather stuff for Duvall but he wasn't impressed with the impression. Duvall said he may never get any further than this studio, but he's great. Duvall said he loves The Sopranos. He got in a plug for his movie ''Broken Trail'' which will be on AMC later this month. He and Howard were talking about other western movies and Brokeback Mountain came up. He was saying that the movie wasn't too bad but he and some of his friends thought there were a lot of slow moments in there. Artie said ''Like when the two guys were fucking...'' Duvall got some laughs out of that.
Robin asked Duvall if he thinks the Sopranos is better than The Godfather. He said he doesn't believe that, he doesn't even really watch that show that much, but what he has seen looks very authentic. He said those people were born to play those parts in the show. Artie told Duvall that when you get the 3-disk set of The Godfather movies, you get 2 DVDs to watch, and one to do coke off of. Duvall laughed at that joke as well.
Howard asked Duvall if he would ever do a movie where he had to kiss a guy. Duvall said he wouldn't do it, he's got no reason to do it. Howard asked him what actor he would do it with if he had to do a scene like that. He suggested John Wayne if he was still alive. Duvall said he was a very underrated actor and he was great in The Shootist. George worked with John Wayne and said he was the same guy on and off the camera.
Howard asked Duvall about this TV movie of his. He also asked him about his wife and how much younger she is. He said their birthdays are the same but her's is a few decades after his. That led to Howard asking Robert about his second wife who cheated on him. Duvall talked a bit about that and said that they had a dog that he really liked and whenever his wife would hug the dog, the dog would get wood. He was also saying that the guy who she cheated with called him years later and asked him for some advice.
Duvall brought up Howard's daughter who he once said he'd like to date. Howard said that would be interesting if Bobby D dated and married his daughter... and became his son-in-law. He said he'd be proud to have him as his son-in-law.
Howard gave Duvall another plug for his movie ''Broken Trail'' but Duvall said that the movie was supposed to be called ''Daughter's of Joy'' but AMC didn't like that so they changed the name. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy asked him if it's true he didn't get along with Jack Nicholson. Duvall said he doesn't have a problem with him but Fred said he should have a problem because Nicholson took the Oscar for some lame movie he did when Duvall should have won for The Apostle.
Howard was wondering if Bobby D would ever commit to going to a shrink if his girlfriend forced him to do it. Duvall said he wouldn't do that and he doesn't know why a woman would give him an ultimatum to go to therapy. Howard told him that Artie is the guy who has that going on right now. Duvall said ''why?'' when they talked about that. Duvall asked Howard what ever happened to that guy who stuttered when he asked questions. Howard told him that was Stuttering John and he's now the announcer for The Tonight Show. Duvall thought he was joking around but he was serious... a stutterer is the announcer for The Tonight Show. Howard said show business is crazy.
Howard took a few more phone calls and let some people speak to Bobby D. One guy was telling Bobby D that he's been in so many great films. Howard said he was thinking about how many great films he's been in and figures he shouldn't even be on the show because he's too big for them.
Howard asked Duvall what he's worth these days. Duvall wanted to know how much Howard is worth but Howard played dumb and said ''what do you mean?'' Duvall wanted to know where Scott Greenstein, the skinny guy, was at. He worked with Scott in the movie business, now Scott is running SIRIUS.
George Takei was asked if he would have sex with Bobby D if he was single. George said he would, if he was single of course. Howard asked Bobby D about chicks he's banged. He wanted him to name some of his conquests. Bobby said he wouldn't call them ''conquests.'' He wasn't naming names either.
Artie did more of his Godfather stuff so Duvall asked him if he could recite some Lonesome Dove stuff. Artie doesn't know that series. Howard asked Duvall to talk more about this movie he was in to promote. Duvall was saying the cast of that show is probably even better than the Lonesome Dove cast.
Howard asked Duvall if he ever banged Faye Dunaway. Duvall stayed quiet so Howard took that as a 'yes.' Captain Janks called in and asked Duvall if he ever banged Sally Kellerman in the ass. Duvall said she was a nice woman and didn't say he screwed her. Howard told Janks Duvall doesn't have time for this nonsense.
Howard asked Duval about the letter that Marlon Brando sent to him before he died. Duvall said it was 5 years before he died and it was about the movie ''The Apostle.'' He said he's got that letter framed in an office at his house. It was something he had to frame.
Gary came in and told Howard that Mr. Duvall had to leave, he's on a TV tour so he'll be talking to a bunch of TV shows. Duvall said those tours are so boring. He said that Howard's show had rejuvenated him. Howard thanked him for coming in and said he knows how to talk like a man. Duvall said he wanted to bring in a bunch of Chinese girls for Howard but he was advised not to do that. Howard told him to bring them in next time he's on. He went to commercial break a short time after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a game for him to play. He asked Howard how many words Fred said on the show and asked if it was over or under 50. That led to Howard asking why the guys didn't pay off their bets from earlier in the morning with the Drunken Miss Howard Stern game. George said he was going to pay him after the show. Artie handed over his money and Howard told George he wasn't going to take his money.
The caller asked how many times Artie used the F-word, over or under 20. Howard said he thinks it was over 20 and he was right. Artie liked the game and told the guy to call back.
Howard introduced Dice to George Takei. Dice said he was a big fan of Star Trek and likes William Shatner too. Howard and Dice talked about Robert Duvall a little bit. Dice was going off on Duvall for not playing his part in The Godfather very well. He thought that Duvall should have said something to Coppola during the shoot and changed his character a bit. Dice was also saying that Al Pacino would run circles around this jerk-off. He said they had to restrain him out there in the green room while that guy was on.
Howard asked Dice what he was saying here. He said he just thinks that Duvall should give it up for Pacino. Artie was doing some more scenes from The Godfather. Dice was still going nuts about Duvall.
Dice said he usually takes Ambien to get some sleep but he didn't take it because it fucks him up so much. He said he can't get to sleep without that stuff. He's tried jerking off but that doesn't work. Artie said that some of the messages he's left for Artie he doesn't remember because he made them while on Ambien. He said he was telling the truth and really doesn't remember some stuff.
Howard said he's taken Ambien on occasion and has never had problems like that. Dice said he's taken it and ends up making calls that he doesn't remember the next day. He gets calls from people asking him what the call was all about.
Howard mentioned that Dice sent in his roast via a video tape and some people thought he should have been there live to do it. Dice said he heard that the audience couldn't even hear the roast and that didn't help things. Artie told him it was getting laughs though.
Howard asked Dice about a roast he did one time where things didn't go that well. Dice said that Carl Reiner was hosting. They had a bunch of A-list celebrities at this roast he was at and Dice decided not to hold back when he did this thing. He wanted to destroy the room so he cracked some jokes about having his tongue up a chick's ass and some jokes about black guy's dicks while looking at Sidney Portier. After that he got a bunch of movie deals and stuff because he killed that night.
Dice told Howard that things are cooking for him once again and he'd usually just talk to him about that off the air. Howard asked Dice if he wanted to go to the Guggenheim Museum with him today. George was laughing at that joke since he and Artie had gone there yesterday. Dice said he doesn't know this guy and advised George that if he does get to know him, he may have messages left for him that he won't remember leaving.
Dice has done some gay material in his act so he told George he really doesn't care about that stuff, he just uses it because it's some great material. Howard told Dice he was a big fan of Rodney Dangerfield and heard that Dice was at his bedside around the time of his death. Dice said that's true and it was very tough to be there. He said that Rodney was in a coma at the time. He said he remembers writing a letter to Rodney on his last album he put out. He told Rodney that he was doing that and Rodney gave him a hard time saying ''Yeah, like you're going to help me at this point.'' Dice was just trying to thank him for what he did for his career but Rodney was taking it as if he was helping him, and he didn't want help.
Howard and Dice talked about the crazy stuff that Rodney used to do like going to meetings in his robe with his balls hanging out. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard said that Dice did a 1 hour show last night and heard that he was going off on Ralph during the show. That led to Howard playing a clip from the Artie Roast where he went off on Dice, roasting him and saying that he wants Dice to forget his number. Dice seemed to think that was pretty funny.
Howard got back to the Rodney on his death bed discussion. He asked Dice if he talked to Rodney while he was there at his bed side. He said he did talk to him and the guy really went through a lot of crap back in the last few years of his life. Howard asked him if he ran into Jim Carrey at all while he was there. Dice said he didn't run into him.
Dice didn't want to make fun of the Rodney thing so the guys changed subjects. Artie asked Dice what his relationship was like with Sam Kinison. Dice said he and Sam actually got along and used to do shows together. They would even go out and steal food together at this grocery store they used to go to. Howard didn't know that Dice and Sam had a relationship. Dice claims that he helped Sam come up with the screaming thing.
Howard said that he's looking forward to playing some of the old Sam Kinison tapes from his archives. Dice said he was great on the show and he used to sit in the back of comedy clubs and watch him when they were doing shows together. By the time Sam passed away though, they weren't talking. He figured it was the drugs talking though and didn't hold it against Sam once he was gone. He said he misses him now and it would be so great if both of them were sitting there talking to Howard.
Dice said that he's got a gig coming up on July 7th and he wants Artie to open for him. Artie is booked for the Funny Bone out in Pittsburgh that day. Dice told him to call and cancel. Artie said he might be able to work something out... but the guy has been really cool to him out there. Artie said he doesn't have Dice's phone number but Dice said he calls on his cell phone so the number is there on his answering machine.
Dice asked Howard if he heard his show yesterday. Howard didn't even know he was on so he didn't hear it. Dice asked everyone else if they had heard his show but no one had. Howard gave Dice some plugs for his upcoming shows and then went to break.
Artie mentioned that Sal the Stockbroker came up with a show idea for Howard 101 so they're going to be appearing at Caroline's on Broadway doing a free show at 4pm today. Bob Levy will also be there judging the young comics that will be performing there. The show, which is a pilot for Howard 101, is called ''Kill or Be Killed.''
Howard said that he's looking to create a movie for Howard TV about Wack Packer's lives and he'd like to get the guy who won the Howard Stern Film Festival. Doug Goodstein came in and said that he has a meeting with Scott Masterson, the winner of the film festival, today so he'll be able to talk to him about doing something like that.
George Flowers went over the Howard 100 News stories they had coming up. He mentioned the story about the Walk of Fame star that someone is trying to get for Howard. Howard said he heard that Melrose Larry Green has a star out there so if that's the case, it's ridiculous. Ryan Seacrest has a star and Howard said that makes the whole thing a joke because he's done nothing.
George Takei said that Howard belongs on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and he's not sure why he's so reluctant to have it. Howard said it should have happened years ago and he's exceeded the Walk of Fame by this point. George Flowers suggested he start his own Walk of Fame. Howard said if the guy actually makes it happen, he might not turn it down. He said he really doesn't want to go out to California either. He gave an excuse of not wanting to do that until Gays are allowed to get married. He's using that excuse for not getting married as well. Artie said he'll go to therapy when gay's can get married.
Gary came in and said that the walk of fame seems to be used as a promotional thing for movies and stuff like that. They spent a minute on that and then George Flowers wrapped up his news preview. Jon Hein gave a quick rundown of what he had coming up on The Wrap Up Show today. Steve the Intern also had a quick rundown of what they had coming up on The Intern Show today.
Howard said that he's been reading on the SternFanNetwork that the fans don't like the intern show but he likes it. Steve said that's what counts. As long as Howard likes it, Steve is happy. Howard let those guys go a short time later.
During the news Howard spent a few minutes talking to George about working with William Shatner in the Star Trek TV show and movies. He talked about how patronizing Shatner was and how horrible it was working with him.
Howard took some phone calls during the news and one guy asked what they found out about the strange call they got during the Artie Roast show last week. There was a call that came through where the show started to go in a weird loop. Howard said they thought it was the caller who did it but they weren't sure. Steve the Intern came in and said that it was the caller and he did do it on purpose from what he heard.
Gary had come in to update Howard on that strange call but they ended up playing a couple of Baba Booey song parodies which Gary seems to really dislike. Scott DePace came in a short time later and said he doesn't believe that the caller was the one doing that strange thing, he thinks it was feedback from their room feeding through to the studio.
Howard asked Scott about his woman Ann Coulter since he was in defending her recently. He ended up getting into another argument with Howard about what they think Coulter was saying when she bashed the 9/11 widows. Howard told Scott he's glad God took away his hair.
During the discussion with Scott Fred played a clip that has returned since Howard got his classic tapes back. The ''Vodka straight up. Thank you!'' Scores girl clip has returned.
Howard and Artie were going nuts with their Ted Kennedy impressions during the news after Robin mentioned the Kennedy name in one of her stories. He took some phone calls and one guy told him the show was going way too long, he had to get to work. Howard said the guy is right because he's got an appointment to get to this morning. They wrapped up the show around 10 minutes later, about 11:35am.
Howard started off the show having George Takei doing an announcement for the show. George read his script and talked about how he must have lost his marbles to be appearing on the show doing the announcing.
Howard then said that he dug through his archives and found an old interview that George did with them. He played the clip which was Richard Christy asking questions and taking answers from audio clips of George's book on tape. Richard was asking George about a non-existent date he had with Fred where they ended up having sex. He said that while he was doing Fred, Scott the Engineer was watching with his cherry red eyes. George laughed through the whole phony interview.
George told Howard that he's been keeping Brad up with his plutonic relationship with Artie. He said he's going to be the grand marshal at the Chicago Gay Pride Parade and Brad suggested that he bring Artie along with him. Artie checked his schedule and said he's not available. He's pretty sure he's got something going on.
Howard said SIRIUS has something going on during the gay pride parade in New York City and it was suggested that they ask George to be part of that. He didn't want to bother him with that but George asked when it was. Howard had no idea.
Howard brought up how George was in an internment camp in the United States back in World War II. He said he asked George what his thoughts were on Adolf Hitler and had some clips of him talking about what a great man he was. The clips were created by Richard Christy so George never said anything like that. George said he does share the same birthday with him though. Howard played a bunch of the Hitler clips and had fun doing that.
Howard had one clip where George calls Jennifer Aniston a cunt and another one where he calls her stupid and ignorant. All of those were made up by Richard as well. There were other clips where they threw in George talking about Osama bin Laden and saying nice things about him. Howard also had some George laughs that they put together to make it sound like he was being tickled. George got a few more laughs from all of that stuff.
Howard told George not to say a word because they'll just chop it up and make it sound like he was saying something else. Howard noticed that Artie was wearing a terry cloth shirt so he had him stand up and show that off. Artie thought it was very ''summer-y.''
George talked about going to see a movie one time where a guy answered his telephone during the movie. He said he glared at the guy and he glared back at him. George grabbed his arm and put it down and they stood there staring at each other glaring. The guy then spat at him in his face. George said he was so stunned he just stood there with the spittle dripping down. He said he turned around and ran up the aisle and saw him running out. He tried to get him to stop but the guy got away.
George said that cell phones used to be very special sci-if things and now they've become a nightmare. He told Howard the guy was much younger than him, maybe in his early 20s. He also said that good manners have disappeared and he wishes that he had gotten his hands on that guy. Brad was with him at the movie and just sat there, stunned, while all of that was going on.
Robin said that they have to put signs in restaurants asking people not to use their cell phones because they just don't know not to use them. George said he was at a play one time where one of the actors went off on an audience member after their phone rang for the third time. They had to usher the person out of the play because the actor refused to go on.
Howard read some e-mail feedback about George Takei and everyone is very positive about his appearances. There were some comments about Artie and George's picture from the Guggenheim Museum. Howard said people are taking that picture and photoshopping it.
Howard read one letter where a guy said he now has a new respect for ''fags'' after hearing George on the show. Howard said there was one negative one. In that letter the person says they don't understand why they keep having him on the show. Howard said they got so many great ones but it's always the negative one that you remember. George said it's good to have things like that because it keeps you grounded.
Howard read some mail about Dice Clay's show that was on Tuesday night. The guy said that the show wasn't good even though Dice is good on Howard's show. Howard hasn't heard the show yet but he will listen sometime this week. Artie said that he's definitely going to be opening for Dice Clay on July 7th at the Borgata in Atlantic City. He said that was a travel day for going to Pittsburgh anyway so he's doing that show and then going to Pittsburgh on the 8th to do the shows out there.
Howard then put on Charlie Laine riding the Sybian and tried to get off on that. He said that Gary on the screen is really distracting. He went through a bunch of other shows and wasn't able to get aroused so he just went to bed instead. He never did jerk off.
Howard said he was watching the Hulk Hogan show on VH-1. That led to the guys talking about some of the other reality shows on VH-1 and how good some of those are. They were talking about one with Sebastian Bach in it. Howard said that guy is a freak and an asshole and he loves it. Howard was also talking about ''My Fair Brady'' and how good that one is. He also watches ''The Surreal Life'' when that's on as well.
Howard said that he's really looking forward to seeing the new Superman movie. Marshall Fine sent him an e-mail asking him if he really wanted to see 2 hours and 30 minutes worth of Superman. Howard said he could sit through even more than that because he's such a fan. Robin was complaining about how much hair the guy playing Superman has and how she's not looking for that. George said that he's got the muscles though.
Howard talked about how Superman has to cut his own hair with his heat vision while looking in a mirror. Robin said she's hoping that she still likes the guy when he starts talking on screen. Howard said he's pretty sure it will be.
Howard played the audio clip and noticed that the audience was cheering her on when she came out. Leno brings up the story about her being confronted on The Today Show. Coulter had the crowd cheering for her at one point. Then Leno read the quote about the 9/11 widows and there was one ''boo'' from the crowd. The crowd was cheering for her again after she explained her comments. They were even clapping for her. Howard and the guys though that was a very strange reaction for what she was talking about.
Howard said he wouldn't think that people would agree with her comments but they seemed to be all for them when they were cheering and clapping for her. Artie said he was watching the show and couldn't keep watching because it was so sickening to see Leno playing softball with her.
Howard and the guys talked about what a bitter bitch this woman seems to be while talking about this stuff. Howard said the reason people are focusing on this one comment she made is because it's outrageous. Howard said that Leno just let her slide all over the place.
Howard took a couple of phone calls after that but there wasn't much going on there. One guy asked Artie how he got off of coke and then did a line while he was on. Howard went off on Leno a little more and called him a pussy for not confronting that bitch.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him when he's going to make his first post over at SternFanNetwork. Howard said he has the passwords from Mutt to do that but he's not sure if he'll ever do it or not. He thinks he'll get too involved in it. He said he loves that SternFanNetwork though.
A caller told Howard that George is great on the show and he's like the final puzzle piece in the show. He was saying that they should hook George up with an ISDN line so he can be on the show live from L.A. every week. George said he's not always out there though so that wouldn't work either.
Howard said they'll be talking to a woman about flying Eric the Midget on balloons a little later. They also have a Porn Star Beauty Pageant coming up with a few porn stars. He said they'll have Luther ''Luke Skywalker'' Campbell in as a special judge.
A woman called in and told Howard she has a tattoo of him on her ass and she'd like to come in and have him sign her ass so she can get a tattoo done over that. He said she must have a big, ugly ass if that's the case. She said she's actually very cute. Howard can't imagine anyone getting a tattoo of him on their body. He was kind of honored that anyone would do something like that for him but he also though tit was kind of odd. He told her she could come in and get it signed if she wanted to. He went to break after putting the woman on hold.
Lisa said they'll be talking to a group who dislikes Howard and how they're making money off of selling tapes of David ''Son of Sam'' Berkowitz.
Howard 100 News will have a Mr. Skin minute during the news as well. Lisa also got in a plug for tonight's Superfan Roundtable where they'll be talking about all of the classic tapes that Howard has gotten his hands on. Howard let Lisa go a short time later.
Robin asked when he got so powerful. Howard said he hasn't. He had Eric on the phone and said that he's eventually going to fly. Eric flipped out and said that Howard is a jackass and he can't force anyone to do something they don't want to do. His voice went to a new level while he was yelling at Howard. Howard said that he'll convince him somehow. He thinks that he knows Eric better than he knows himself and he will eventually come in and fly with balloons. Eric called Howard an ''arrogant piece of shit'' and says he will never do that.
Howard had this woman Jenny on the phone to talk about how she has flown people before. She actually flew Paul Newman on Letterman's show not too long ago. Howard introduced Eric to Jenny and Eric said he will never do this so there is no reason to talk about this. Jenny's said that Paul Newman wore a helmet and a harness to hold him to the balloons.
Howard told Eric to give Jenny his dimensions so they could get the harness ready. Eric refused to give out anything and asked Howard if he's brain dead. He's given out his height and weight on the show before. Jenny didn't know them so she asked him to give them to her. Eric said it's not happening and he's not giving her anything. Howard thought he was 2 foot 3 because he sang that in his song. Eric said that was Sal who sang the song, not him.
Jenny said that they flew Paul Newman on May 23rd and used 7,600 balloons to get him off the ground. They had him outdoors and being inside would be much easier. They could fly him around the lobby and stuff like that after tying the balloons to his wrists and ankles. Howard said he just wants to get him about 10 inches off the ground, he doesn't have to go that high.
Howard said he doesn't know why Eric won't do this, Paul Newman did it. Eric kept saying that he's not going to do it. Jenny told him it would be the best ''blow job'' he'd ever get. It was a lame balloon joke that no one got. Eric said that fear has nothing to do with him not wanting to do it. Howard said that he still thinks that Eric will fly even though Eric was still insisting that he wasn't going to do it.
Howard was telling Jenny that Eric is 2'3'' tall so Eric just said that he's 3'6'' tall and weighs 85 pounds... just so they get it right. Jenny said they'd probably need about 2,500 balloons attached to him to make him fly. Howard gave Jenny a plug for her business which can be found at Action-Actors.com and let her go.
Howard asked Eric if he wanted to apologize to Jenny since he was so rude while she was on the line. He remained silent and wouldn't apologize. He did say that he wasn't targeting her, he was targeting Howard.
Howard said he had Katherine McPhee on the phone. It was Blue Iris playing the part and Eric knew it. Howard asked ''Katherine'' if she wanted to see Eric fly. She said she would love to see that, it would be wonderful. He had her sing a song to him after that. She sang a little ''Fly me To The Moon.'' Howard asked Katherine if Simon Cowell was mean to her and some other questions about her career. She was playing along but Eric kept saying that he knew it was Blue Iris.
Howard thanked Eric for calling in and said that they'll see him when they book Katherine for the show. He figures he wants to fly since he did give out his height and weight. Eric said he just did that to shut Howard up. He insists that he's not coming in to fly. Howard played one of the many song parodies they have for Eric and thanked him for calling in. Eric said ''You're not welcome.'' Howard told him to consider that offer but Eric said he's not considering anything. Howard said he really does love Eric.
Howard took a call from a guy who had some thoughts on the Ann Coulter interview that they were playing earlier. He said that the reaction from the audience was the right one and that's what she's going for when she writes those books. He was saying she's trying to get reactions from the liberals in this country. Artie said that no one in that studio is a liberal and he's completely wrong about that.
Howard hung up on the guy because he was annoying him so much. He wasn't listening to what Howard had to say so he just bailed out on the call. He went on to talk about how Ann Coulter thinks that anyone on TV is happy and that's why she's commented on the 9/11 widows the way she did.
Artie said Dana was the one who initiated the whole thing and he's willing to give it a shot. He won't commit to going to therapy for the long term. He said they're not even really back together at this point, they're just talking.
Artie said Dana was saying she doesn't want to cave in and she doesn't want to go back on her word. George thought that it was one step toward getting back together and it was a positive thing. The rest of the crew didn't see it that way though.
Gary said that this Artie is the ''angel Artie'' and then there's the devil Artie that will come out and say that no broad is going to tell him to go to therapy. Artie said that he still loves Dana, if he didn't, he wouldn't have even spoken to her.
Artie said a strange thing happened. He used to date this girl Denise before Dana and she started calling him after the Dana thing ended. He said that Denise was hot and all but when he called her back, he didn't feel anything for her. He has a feeling for Dana that he's never had for another woman before. She knows that too so she plays off of that a bit. He was also saying that he wouldn't normally be talking about this stuff, he's only doing it because he's on this show.
Artie said it appears that the hookers in Vegas are going to take a financial hit since he won't be with any of them. That led to Howard talking about a hooker ring that was broken up in New York City this week. He showed Artie one of the chicks who was arrested and he said she was like a 9. Howard read the article from the NY Daily News about the ring that was broken up and ended up talking to Artie about the hookers he's been with. He's fallen for at least one chick and wanted to date her even though she was a hooker.
Howard had some new bits to play so he played a new Jack and Rod show bit where Sal and Richard spoke to an author who wanted to promote his book. They had George Takei audio clips playing the whole time the guy was trying to get in plugs for his stuff. Every comment the guy tried to make was covered up by George Takei laughs. The guy eventually hung up because he was unable to get in a word. Howard had to go to break after that.
Artie asked George if Ricardo calls him regularly because he gook that call as if he spoke to him often. George said he had worked with Ricardo so it wasn't that surprising.
Gary came in and asked Howard if he wanted to start the pageant or hear Britney Spears crying on The Today Show. Howard wanted to hear her cry so he played the audio clip they had where she was asked by Matt Lauer what she could do to stop the Paparazzi to leave her alone. She said she wasn't sure and then started to get upset. Howard and George talked about how she brings some of that on herself and she could move back to Kentucky or someplace like that to get away from it.
Howard continued to play the audio where Britney cries and says she wishes that the Paparazzi would leave her alone. She needs her privacy and respect. Howard thought Matt was doing good by getting someone like that to cry on the show. Howard doesn't have anyone crying on his show.
Robin pointed out that Britney had a reality TV show on not so long ago. She can't have it both ways. On one hand she's asking the public to leave her alone but then she puts herself on TV and invites people to watch her.
Howard asked him how he gets the girls to get peed on. Luther said he has a crew who go out on a ''sacrifice weekend'' where they have some wild sex and end up peeing all over these chicks. He said that some of the girl dancers will pee on the guys as well. Luther said he doesn't get peed on, he has no desire to have that done to him. Howard said he once peed on a chick but it was in the shower while the water was running so it wasn't like peeing on a chick in bed. Luther said they do it on a boat on the back deck. He said they've done it in hotel rooms before too so they have to leave a nice tip for the people who clean up.
Howard gave Luther a plug for his new CD/Audio Book ''My Life & Freaky Times'' and talked to him about that for a short time. Howard got back to the peeing thing a short time later. He wanted to know more about that so Luther gave him a few more details about that.
Howard asked Luther about growing up in Miami and how tough that was. He talked about the porn movies that Luther has made as well. He said he's seen some freaky stuff with the chicks who have done porn movies. He had one woman who shoved a baby doll in her pussy one time and that was pretty freaky.
Howard introduced Luther to George Takei. Luther said he was a Trekkie himself so he kknows of George. Tehy spent a couple of minutes talking before Gary came in and brought up a few things he read about him in his notes. Gary mentioned one story about how Luther was paying off players in college football to help them out a bit. Luther siad he wasn't doing what Gary was saying, he had to explain what he was doing and how he was just trying to help out some kids who didn't have a lot of money. He was giving them a little incentive to do better.
Howard talked to Luther about a little league gaem that his team had against Snoop Dogg's little league team. Luther said the game lasted 6 plays because a fight was breaking out because of the kids were basically starting a gang war. Luther siad the kids were just 13 years old and they were throwing up gang signs and stuff. He thinks that Snoop should apolgize to the kids for that stuff and won't talk to him until he does.
Howard gave Luther a plug for his album ''My Life & Freaky Times'' and played a little bit of his single that's out now. He took a call from a guy who asked Luther if he would prefer to be pissing on a white chick or a black chick. Luther siad he's never peed on a white chick. He siad he did haev a white chick on stage at a show one time and one of his dancers peed on her so he's been banned from South Carolina because of that.
Howard spetn a few more minutes talking to Luther about various things. Luther was was making some good points about Oprah Winfrey and how she's always giving advice about marriage and rasiing kids but she's not married and seh doesn't have any kids. He wants to do a song called ''Fuck Oprah'' so Howard told him he'd play that song on his show if they put one out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Luther about the ''incentives'' that he was paying to college kids. Luther siad that they were just incentives, he wasn't paying anyone off to lose games or anything liek that. He was just trying to help them out since they don't get paid to play college ball.
Carmen was going to do her next orgasm in Spanish so they had George Takei play along with her because he speaks Spanish. He was moaning and throwing in some Spanish words with her. Howard thought that went pretty well for a gay man. George said that she was gorgeous. Robin said ''Uh oh! Brad is in trouble!''
Carmen went into her next demonstration in German and Artie tried to play along by throwing out a few German words that he knew. He sounded like Hitler making demands on her.
Howard spoke to Carmen a little bit to get to know her personality a little bit. He was trying to get her to fly out to Vegas with Artie. She said she would go to his movie premier if he agreed to be in one of her movies. Artie thought she was so hot that he was ready to do that. Howard found out she will toss a man's salad as long as it smells good down there. She said she takes a whiff down there before going in though. She's never seen a dingleberry down there before. She said she'd tell the guy to go clean up if she caught a whiff of anything funky.
Howard asked Carmen how she would make the world a better place. She said she would make all women in the world get a little freakier and have more sex.
After that Howard said they were going to take Carmen's vaginal temperature. Gary had this guy Mike come in to show his ''pussy fiddle'' that was to take a woman's vaginal temperature. The guy called in recently and told Howard about his invention. Carmen said she wasn't taking anything in her pussy. Mike showed off the machine and said it was brand new and hadn't been used yet. She said she would use it if he shoved it up his ass first. Mike wasn't going there but said he would stick it in Ant's (comedian Ant) ass. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said that Carmen had stayed naked through the commercial break. She said she likes to do what she can to help. Both Howard and Luther said they like the totally shaved look she had. Artie said he likes when women have a little strip of hair there so they look like a woman.
Hook Nose Mike called in and told Artie he had better take this chick to Vegas, if he doesn't he might as well take George because he's gay. Another caller asked Luther if he's ever pissed in a chick's mouth. Luther said he hasn't done that but one of his dancers pissed in a guy's mouth one time. Howard asked Carmen if she's done some crazy stuff like piss on guys. She said she will do some crazy stuff like let a guy fuck her while dancing in a club. Luther said he's done that in a club in Miami. Howard has never done that so Luther invited him to come down to Miami and he'll bring him somewhere to do that.
Howard gave the girls a plug for some appearances they're making this weekend. They'll be at the Genesis booth at the Exotic Erotic Ball tomorrow and Saturday. They'll also be at The Harem in Lodi, New Jersey tonight.
Howard had George introduce the next woman, Taylor Wane. She had huge breasts according to Howard. She said they were just 34-DD so they weren't any bigger than Carmen's. Howard thought they looked bigger than that. Taylor talked to Howard about a guy who gave her oral sex when she was only 12 years old. The guy was 17 at the time and he was able to give her an orgasm at that age. From then on she expected an orgasm each time.
Howard asked Taylor what the freakiest thing is that she's ever done on film. She said she decided to do a double penetration film and that was very hard to do. Howard asked Taylor if she was going to show some skin today. She wanted to flash and put her clothes back on. Luther told her she was about to lose the contest. Taylor took off her bottom and showed off her mostly shaved area.
She told them that she was going to sing as her talent. She was going to sing a song called ''Cry Baby Cry.'' She was saying she might cry if they make fun of her. She then realized that she just peed herself standing there because she was so scared. Luther thought that was kind of funny. Howard said he liked that she just peed herself. Taylor told Howard she's done some peeing on guys before and has had guys pee in her mouth. She told a story about a guy she went out with one night who was wearing a garter belt and panties under his clothes. She said he put his cock in her mouth and thought he was going to cum in there. Then she tasted it and realized it was pee. She didn't swallow it. Howard realized that life has changed since K-Rock after hearing that story.
Howard had Taylor turn around and show her ass. Luther and Howard both thought she had a nice ass. Howard had her perform her song after that. She sang the song and held her vagina the whole time because she felt like she was going to pee again. Howard let her go on and on because she was standing there naked and holding her ''vagine.'' She really was afraid she was going to pee on herself so she was holding her hand there. He had no idea what she was singing about either.
Ralph called in and said that the performance was horrible. Howard told him that he has no idea what she looks like though. Ralph thought Carmen was the winner based on what he had heard. Howard got rid of him and asked Taylor what she would do if she got pregnant accidentally. She said she would probably have the child. She then went into some dirty talk with Luther to show off that talent. Howard thanked her for putting on an incredible performance and said she's got an incredible ass.
Howard gave the girls another plug and then threw it back to George Takei who introduced the next porn star, Taryn Thomas. She was a little thrown off by the intro because some of the stuff mentioned were kind of shocking to her. One of the things was an interracial blow-bang so she spent a minute talking about that. Gary wasn't sure what a ''blow-bang'' was so he had to ask. She said it's like a gang bang but it's blow jobs.
Howard heard that Taryn has a relationship with JD. She said she's spoken to him through the internet for a while now and she even has a date with him today. JD came in since she's never seen him before. JD said this is just another thing that came out that he wanted to keep private. Howard asked Taryn if he's got a chance of sleeping with her. JD said that's not what he's trying to do. Taryn said that they speak to each other through Myspace and he's not a creepy guy. Howard said that he is a creepy guy, she just doesn't know it yet. JD started talking to her when she was on the show for the first time because he was one of the guys who got to feel her boobs.
Howard said he's probably going to take her to lunch and blow some big bucks on her and not get anything. Luther told JD to just talk to her about the freaky stuff she would do to him. Howard told JD to just rent her movies and go home and jerk off. That's as close as he's going to get to banging her.
Taryn's talent was doing comedy and she was supposed to have Bob Levy help her out but they cock blocked that. She told a couple of dopey jokes but George Takei was laughing. She told a few more jokes that were so unfunny that it was making people laugh.
Howard went on to ask her a personality question and asked her what superpower she would have if she could have one. She said she would like to heal people. Howard told her that she should have said that she would never make another doody again as a super power.
Howard asked Taryn if she would go to Vegas with Artie over there. She said she was ready to go but Howard said she wasn't even looking at him when she said it. Howard asked Taylor about having sex with Slash from Guns N Roses. She said he gives really good head but he was drunk all the time. She also claims to have had sex with Bobby Brown one time back in the early 80s. She said she remembers it hurting a lot and figured he was just really big. She later heard from another woman who claimed to have slept with him and she said it was tiny, so she's not sure which is true.
Howard said it was time to judge so he quickly reviewed what the girls had done. Then he asked Robin who she thought was the best of the 3. She said she was voting for Taryn, ''their little comedian.'' Howard went to Luther next and asked him who he was voting for. Luther said he was going with Carmen Luvana. Up next was George Takei who said that he was coming from a different perspective. He said all of the women were very attractive but he was going to pick Carmen. Artie also picked Carmen, their ''smokin hot chick.'' He said she was a 10 to him. Howard thought Taylor was getting a little upset not getting any votes but she said she was fine. Fred, Gary and Howard gave their votes to Carmen as well so she was the winner by a mile.
Howard told the girls that they were all beautiful but there could be only one winner. They crowned her and gave her some flowers after that. They weren't able to find any prizes, other than some Carson's ribs, to give her as the winner. Howard wrapped up and gave everyone plugs for their stuff and then went to break. Here are the girls' web sites:
Howard gave a plug to Red Peters who was on the phone. He has a show on Howard 101 tomorrow night and it's an all listener submission show. Howard played a clip of one of the songs that Red would be playing tomorrow on his show. The song was ''I Love a Girl with Cum on Her Face.'' Red said that's one of his favorites that he'll be playing tomorrow.
Red suggested another song and Howard played that one which was about a tight pussy. He said that people must spend a lot of money on producing these songs. There was another song called ''Suck My Balls'' that Red suggested. Howard played that one quickly and said it was pretty amazing as well. There was also ''She Farts When She Cums'' and ''Fuck You in the Mouth'' that Howard played short clips of. He played a little of ''Wake and Bake'' which was done by this guy who is a descendant of Joe Besser from the Three Stooges.
Robin said she heard Red play one of Jackie the Joke Man's songs on his show. They talked about that and then Howard mentioned that you can vote for your favorite songs at SIRIUS.com/Howard101.
Ant said that a lot of gay guys won't take long to screw each other, they just go right at it. Howard asked George Takei if that's true and if he and Brad had done it. George said that they didn't go right into it, they took it slow.
Howard said that Ant has a new boyfriend and heard that they went out and found a homeless guy to come home and have sex with them. Ant said he saw a guy who looked hot under all of the crud on his face. He offered him $50 to come home and have some fun with them but he refused. As they were walking away the guy said ''Make it a hundred'' and agreed to come home with them.
Howard asked Ant where he found this guy. He said he was on Santa Monica and Fairfax and saw him hanging out. Ant said they didn't interview the guy to find out if he was gay or not. Ant said the guy gave him oral and that was it. He said they cleaned the guy up and fed him before having sex with him. The guy blew him and his boyfriend and he did a good job at it so he must have been with other guys.
Ant asked George if he was a top or bottom in his relationship. George said that they are both top and bottom. Howard was under the impression that George didn't take it in the ass but he was wrong.
Ant was telling Howard that he's going to get a body lift so Howard told him he was nuts. He thought that Ant was a young guy and can't imagine why he would get such a thing done. Ant didn't want to say how old he is because he doesn't reveal that. George said he's been giving out his age because it doesn't matter at this point. He said he's 69 years old.
Ant said that he's going to have a whole body lift since things start to sag after so many years. He changed subjects and said that he once saw Dustin Diamond in a bathroom one time and had to check him out. He said that Dustin had to hold his penis up so it wouldn't hit the water. He said the only other one he's seen that was that big was James Woods. Ant said his is big as well but not as big as Dustin's.
Ant wanted to see Howard's penis because he doesn't believe that he's got a small one. Howard said he wouldn't show him his penis because he's not gay and he's embarrassed by the size of it. Howard said he's a full six inches when he's aroused. Ant said he's 8 1/2 or 9 inches when he's aroused.
Howard gave Ant a plug for his show ''Celebrity Fit Club 4'' which stars people like Carnie Wilson, Vincent Pastore, Angie Stone, Nick Turturo, Erica Elaniak, Ted Lange, and Tina Yothers. He said two of those people have walked off the show yet but Ant can't say who they are at this point.
Howard gave Ant some other plugs for his comedy show that he's got at the Gotham comedy club in New York City tonight. He's also got a movie coming out called ''Another Gay Movie'' which opens soon. Ant said that the movie is legit, not a porn. He's also got a TV show called ''U.S. of Ant'' coming soon.
Howard wrapped up with Ant a short time later. Ant wanted to see George's pubes at least but George said he'd do that in private, out in Los Angeles sometime. Ant threw in a mention for his Myspace page as they were wrapping up. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard noticed that Ant and George had exchanged numbers before he left. George said he's a neighbor of his out in California so he may have him over for dinner. Robin figured that was his euphemism for having sex with the guy. George thought that was pretty funny.
Crazy Alice called in to talk to George Takei. She said she's not an ignorant woman, she's just angry about stuff. George had made a comment about her earlier in the week where he said she sounds kind of ignorant so she wanted to defend herself.
George said that he thinks Alice has the ability to get past her anger and move on with her life. Howard interrupted him so Alice went nuts on him. Howard said he wanted to cut the bullshit because George doesn't know what he has here. Alice told Howard that he hates being interrupted so he shouldn't do it to other people. She was going crazy on him and told him to shut up and let George finish.
George was trying to get a word in but Alice was still going crazy on Howard. He was able to talk to her a little bit and let her know what he felt about her anger. Howard said that maybe she should play the part of Uhura on the Star Trek thing that George is shooting for the internet. Artie did his impression of Alice and got her even more pissed off.
Artie kept doing his impression of Alice and that got her to bad mouth him and tell him to jump off the roof like his father did. That was pretty rough, even for Alice. She was calling him names, calling him fat and all kinds of other things. Artie didn't care, he just kept doing his impression as she was yelling at him. They were talking over each other so it was like Dueling Crazy Alice's.
Artie stopped at one point and asked how she's able to do that so long. Howard let them go at it for a couple more minutes and told Artie to see how much longer he could keep going. He figured they'd be there until about 4 o'clock. All Artie had to do was say something in his Alice voice and she'd go nuts on him. Howard had Artie stop for a short time to let Alice slow down a little bit. She thought Howard had to get going so she was slowing down but got all revved up again when Howard said Artie wanted to say one more thing to her.
Howard said Alice seemed to be running out of steam but then she started cursing Artie out again. She finally started so Artie threw in one more ''fuck you...'' as Alice which got her going all over again. She had some funny comments about Artie being over weight and stuff.
Howard told Alice he had to get going, at about 11:05, since it was getting so late. Artie got her all revved up again and had her screaming at him again a short time later. Howard played a couple of Crazy Alice song parodies as he was trying to wrap things up with her. He asked Alice if her neighbors can hear her. She said she was in the bathroom doing this so hopefully they won't hear her. Artie went off on her once again but Alice was done by then. She said she didn't want to hear him anymore.
By the end of the call Artie and Alice were friends again. She said goodbye to him as if nothing had happened. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'd be willing to pay an extra dollar a month to hear Alice doing her own show. Howard said that Alice should have been at Artie's roast last week. He had Robin start her news a short time later. It was already 11:10 by that time.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told George that he did a great job all week. George said he's had a lot of fun. Jeff is still trying to get over the death of his mother but he told the guys he'll hang in there.
Robin ended her news so Howard thanked George for coming in this week George let Howard know who great it's been being there all week and how much fun he had. He thanked him for having him in. Howard ended the show at around 11:40am.
Howard was off today so Jon Hein, Gary and Ralph were all in to do their Friday Show. Jon started off the show talking about the stuff they had to play today. He said they saw Artie's sensitive side come out this week so he played a clip of Artie talking about how he used to like an Anne Murray song while Rob Zombie was in. The guys talked about that clip and about all of the other stuff Artie was up to this week with George Takei.
Jon played a clip of a call Riley Martin made to the show recently where he was demanding to be paid for doing his show. After the clip the guys talked about Riley's $200 deal. Gary said that Riley is back doing his show after all of that. Riley was really going off on everyone in there. Gary said that he really is entertained by Riley even though he appears to not get the show.
Jon played another clip where Howard was playing audio of Riley translating the term ''drawoh nrets'' which was Howard's name backwards. That was a very short clip so Jon moved on quickly after that.
In the next clip we heard Robin talking about the time she was working as a nurse and helped a guy get his self confidence back by hopping on his bed and straddling him. Jon wondered what kind of hospital Robin was working in back then. Gary and Ralph said it was funny how she didn't think anything was wrong with that at the time. Ralph said he thought Howard had a great reaction the next morning so they played a clip of him talking to her about how crazy that was.
The guys talked more about Robin's wild side and how it showed that day when she talked about that day in the hospital. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that Howard would go in and record the God clip in his normal voice and then slow down the replay on the reel to reel tape player with his thumb to make it sound like it was a deep voice. Gary said he's not sure if Howard sounded like all the time or if it was just for that bit. Jon said he's heard a lot of that DC 101 stuff and he sounded like that all the time. He said they'll have even more of that stuff from DC 101 on future shows.
Jon moved on to a clip from John Stamos' recent appearance on the show where he was talking about the chicks he's banged and stuff like that. Jon cut off the clip after a couple of minutes and asked Gary what he thinks happened in Howard's apartment the time that John and Rebecca Stamos were over and getting naked. Gary thinks that they were playing a game of chicken and Howard and Beth both chickened out of doing anything with John and Rebecca even though the girls were getting topless and hopping into bed.
Gary said that he was given a nickname by David Spade of ''Baba Badnews'' and he got that because so many people come to him with stories about guests and he's the one who goes in and tells Howard when he's missing notes about a guest.
Ralph was in the studio that day that Stamos was in so a lot of people wrote in and complained about that. They played a clip where Howard read some mail about him being on during that interview. All of the feedback was negative.
Jon took a phone call from a guy who asked if Mark the Bagger is going to be back. Gary said they're working on that and should have him back in the next month. The caller also asked to hear the prank call that Mark made to a muffler shop. Richard pulled that clip out and played it for the guy.
Richard also played Mark the Bagger's ''For Those About To Rock'' song parody as they were going to commercial break.
Ralph asked Lisa if Steve has already flown out to Vegas since Artie went yesterday. Lisa didn't know that Artie had left and thought that everyone was leaving today.
Jon played the clip and we heard Howard playing the game for a few minutes. He had homeless people trying to play the game. They had a ''brand new shopping cart'' as a prize for the winner. They also had a ''new home'' which was a refrigerator box.
After playing the clip Jon said he didn't even know where to begin on that clip. He asked Gary how that all came about as far as creating the bit. Gary explained how they used to shoot that show and how long it would take to get things done with it. To get the homeless people, he and Stuttering John went out in a van and tried to find people to play along with them. They'd get some people and had them sitting in a room waiting to play the game for hours... So they had a home for a few hours.
Ralph said it was great to hear Underdog Lady on the show. He misses her today since she won't come on the show like she used to. Jon asked if that was Mark Harris' first appearance on the show. Gary said he wasn't sure, but it may have been. They talked about some of the other guests they had on the show. They explained how they got on the show back then.
The ''Caller of the Week'' was a guy who thought that Howard had something against him because it seemed like he would hang up on him very quickly when he called in. The guys talked about that call for a couple of minutes and went to break a short time later.
The guys talked about how interesting that interview was and about the new respect they have for them now. They also talked about how Natalie is a true Howard Stern Show fan. She knows the show very well and says she listens often. Ralph wanted to hear them play ''Landslide'' because it was such a great performance. Jon said they could play it if they can find it.
Jon let Lisa go and moved on to some classic WNBC stuff. Gary explained that there was this woman who called herself Mrs. Flemstein who would call in back when they were on WNBC and would tell really tasteless jokes. In the clip we hear Jackie the Joke Man getting a plug for a few gigs he had coming up. They were playing ''Stump the Comedians'' with Jackie there. A couple of people called in with some jokes that were kind of racy for the air back then. Then this Mrs. Flemstein called in and told a couple of jokes.
Gary talked about how Jackie would bring in a briefcase and he'd pull out a list of jokes and all of the sound effects that were being played during that bit. Howard would play the drum and cymbal but Jackie was playing everything else. Jackie wrote all of the jokes for the segment as well.
Jon said that people were just about in tears laughing at the clip again. Sal said he still feels the same way even after all of that stuff went down. He said he knows he's too abrupt and comes across as racist even though he's not. They talked about how they got Sal out of the studio that day by telling him that he had to go record the noise from the air conditioning in Howard's limo. Sal was thrilled that he got to go into Howard's limo so it was a great way to get him out of the studio.
Jon played another clip where Sal is told he has to record another apology. Sal didn't know he was still being pranked so Howard strung him along a little longer and kept the goof going. They eventually broke the news to him.
After playing that next clip the guys talked about how great that goof went. They were able to fool Sal by keeping him from hearing the show and blocking SternFanNetwork so he couldn't go on there and find out what was going on that morning.
Jon asked Sal how it felt hearing the whole thing. Sal said it's funny if he thinks about it as someone from the outside but it wasn't funny that day. He wasn't able to sleep that night. Jon said he had to bite his lip that day because he drove him home that day. Sal thought he was going to lose his job.
Richard said he was editing some of the tape of him talking to Sal and thought he was going to be the one to screw up the joke. Sal didn't hear the clip though so it kept going. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon and the guys talked about that clip and then had Lisa G back in with another Howard 100 News preview. She went through the stories she'd mentioned earlier in the morning. Jon let her go a short time later.
Jon said maybe they'll play that whole clip on a future Friday Show. He said that she's a great caller and probably should have been on of the Caller of the Week people. Gary said he's spoken to Alice and his calls always go pretty well. She talks about how she's not crazy so Gary has to let her know that she might not be crazy, but she does act a little crazy once in a while. Gary also said he'd love to see her apartment and Howard TV should get some shots of that. Jon had to go to break after that.
That was a Sal and Richard bit so Jon went into the next segment which was Sal and Richard's rejected bits. Sal said they did a Jack and Rod bit with Rappin Granny that Howard thought was a little to rough. They played the clip where Sal and Richard were goofing on an author who was trying to promote her book. They kept saying the name of her book the wrong way and then Rappin Granny came in and started talking about her depression and how she beat it by taking a big brown sausage in her ass.
Sal and Richard talked about how Granny has a tough time reading so she was having a hard time with some of the lines they gave her. Jon and Ralph thought the bit needed to be rejected.
Sal and Richard's next rejected bit was a song parody about Blue Iris to the tune of ''Dust in the Wind'' called ''Dust on her Clit.'' Ralph said the song wasn't all that funny but it's funny thinking about Richard sitting there singing the song. Jon said that song wasn't quite up to Richard's usual high standards. Richard said you never know how they're going to come across until they're done.
Jon took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked if they're going to play his bit today. He said Sal pranked him recently. Sal said he and Doug Goodstein called Jeff and told him that they were going to give him a wide screen TV as a gift. They played the call where Doug calls Jeff and passes the phone off to Sal, who is pretending to be Howard. ''Howard'' then tells Jeff that he's been so great on the show that they were going to give him a big plasma TV. Jeff fell for it. Sal told him not to bring it up on the air because it was a $40,000 TV. He then sang Happy Birthday to him and broke the news to him that it was Sal and not Howard. Jeff ended up hanging up on them.
Jon asked Jeff how it felt hearing that. Jeff said it was pretty bad. He didn't like it. He also said that both Sal and Doug Goodstein are idiots.
Ralph said he had a clip where Howard talked about Jeff freezing to death on the streets of New York since he doesn't have his mother to take care of him anymore. They played that clip and a song from Jeff's CD and then went to commercial.
Jon moved on to the next classic WNBC clip which was another Mrs. Flemstein clip. In this one Mrs. Flemstein tries to Stump the Comedian again.
Gary said all he could hear in that clip was Jackie's laughter. They spent a minute on that and then moved on to a Best of Fred segment. They pulled a few clips where Fred threw in sound effects at the right time. Fred had a bunch of great sounds while Howard and Robin were going over a news story.
In another clip Fred does his Siobhan impression when this guy John calls in and volunteers to bang the transsexual. Fred comes in and does his impression which is just about perfect. Fred had Howard laughing his ass off that day.
The guys talked about how great it was hearing Fred molding that impression live on the air. Ralph had Richard play the next clip which was Fred playing some Chambers Brother's music when Howard and the guys were talking about powerful songs in movies and TV shows. He then threw in some Beetlejuice saying ''Hey'' during the song. Ralph said that was Fred at work on all different levels. Jon had to go to break after that.
Gary said he loves the song and how people used to play a game where they would try to do all of the Sulu parts in the song and they'd get about 3/4 of the way through it and then screw it up.
Jon moved on to the next replay which was Miss Howard Stern's last appearance. She didn't do a lot during the first segment of the interview but she came back later after getting drunk. She attempted to ride the Sybian but that didn't last too long. She was all over the place talking about a bunch of stuff and basically going crazier than she's ever gone before on the show.
Gary said that he likes that song that she was singing in that clip and he'd like to put it on his iPod. Not the original song but Andrea's version. They also talked about Richard playing the part of KC on the phone and how he sounded just like ''The Flu'' when he calls Gary the Retard. They went to break after that and played the song Andrea was singing that day.
The caller also asked Richard to replay the prank call he made to this science guy on the cable access channel he's called into a lot lately. Richard played one of those calls where he played clips of the guy talking to himself and some Mike Walker fart sounds as well.
Jon said that no one knows what that guy looks like and that's part of the greatness of the call. There's also that Mike Walker fart that Richard said he's heard a ton of times. He said he found that fart accidentally one time and it was a great find.
Jon moved on to the next clip replay which was porn star Charlie Laine coming in and talking about how she likes to do just about everything in her movies. Gary said he couldn't remember who that chick was even though she was just on a few weeks ago. Ralph said he thinks John was in love with her because he has all kinds of notes about her and things like that. Jon wrapped up the show a short time later and asked the guys what they had planned for the weekend. Ralph said he may be going to the beach. Gary has a softball game today and he'll be hanging out for Father's day. Jon said he has his daughter's birthday. He ended the show around 10:35am.