Howard started off the morning talking about last night's ''The Sopranos'' episode. He said that Joey G got whacked on the show and he's supposed to be around the building today so they may have him stop by to ask him what it's like to get whacked.
Howard brought up this writer, Nicolas D. Christoph, who wrote an article about things that are killing us off in this country like Girl Scout Cookies and fast food. That leads to people getting fat from the trans-fat in the food and the medical bills are draining this country's health care system dry. He said that there's a law in Denmark that says that you can not have more than 2 percent trans-fat in the food people eat. He said that the count of that type of fat in Denmark is under half a percent while it's 10 percent here in the United States.
Howard read that over in the other countries the trans-fat is much lower so it's possible to make that food with less. The article said that if another country were selling us food with that kind of fat in it, they'd be attacked for trying to kill us.
Howard said that the terrestrial radio broadcasters are trying to get the FCC to go after satellite radio to fine them as well. The sad thing is that the bill was backed by AFTRA which is the union that Howard is part of. Howard said that Gary Ackerman's people sent him a copy of the article. Robin said that they're passing this bill as an indecency bill but it's really just a way of taking away free speech.
Artie said that the green room at Jimmy's show is really just a bar with a pool table and stuff like that. Howard told Artie that he was reading some complaints about him on SternFanNetwork.com and they were saying that if you're fat, you should never wear white. Artie said it wasn't really white but it did come across like that. Artie said he doesn't really lay out outfits, he just throws stuff in a bag and throws it on.
Artie said that he'll be on The Best Damn Sports Show tomorrow night and he'll look even worse there because he had just gotten off the plane. He went right over there and did that show so he was all disheveled when he got there.
Artie said that he was dragged out of the green room to do the interview so he put his Jack and water in a coffee mug to get it out on stage. Artie said that he kept hitting his mic with the coffee mug so they had to stop the interview and move his mic. They didn't put that on the air even though they tape the show about 6 minutes before it airs on the East coast.
Howard thought Artie was great on the show and he would have loved to have seen him hitting the mic. Artie said they left out him saying that it was filled with Jack Daniels. Artie said that at the very end of the interview he yelled out ''Sirius satellite radio'' and the audience went nuts as if they all had it. They all seemed to know about it when he mentioned it.
Howard said he was out in the Hamptons over the weekend and wasn't able to get the signal from the satellite. He said he has the portable boombox so he's constantly moving the box around to get the signal. Robin told him that he can take the antenna out and move it around.
Artie said that Jimmy stayed with him after the show to drink with him. They had Hoobastank playing for the audience there at the show that night so he explained to Howard how that worked. They do a little concert for the audience there. Howard thinks Jimmy is trying to catalog all of that stuff for some reason.
Artie said that Sarah Silverman took Jimmy's kids home for him just so he could stay and drink with him. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Artie looked at Jimmy's eyes about 3 times during that interview. Artie said he doesn't know when he does stuff like that. Howard said that's really annoying when you try to talk to Artie and he won't look at you. Artie said that Howard's eyes dart all over the place when he looks at him so he can't tell if he's looking at him. Artie said he feels like he's annoying people when he talks to them.
Bobo called in and said that Artie was bleeped on the show around the time he said ''Fi-AHH.'' Gary said he heard that they bleeped him when he said ''Jesus.'' Howard didn't know that people couldn't say Jesus on network TV. Artie reminded him that ABC is owned by Disney so you have to keep that in mind.
Bobo also mentioned how fat Artie seems to have gotten. Howard said that Artie has gained about 45 pounds since last summer. He's going to look a lot different in ''Beer League'' since he shot that when he was much thinner.
Artie said that he stayed out drinking with Jimmy on Friday night and then went back to his hotel to hang out by the pool out there. He said that it's like the Playboy mansion out there at that hotel. He and Jimmy had dinner out there and watched the hot chicks there. He said that some of the hot chicks would see him after their boyfriends pointed him out.
Artie said that Jimmy's crew got him a bunch of cases of Devil Dogs for him to eat. They also had Jack Daniels in his dressing room. He told Howard that Jimmy is living like Dean Martin out there and he seems to be doing really well.
Bobo asked Artie if he's been talking to Dana lately. Artie said that he had breakfast with her yesterday. Howard asked him what happened with Jessica Hahn out there. He said that she didn't show up and he wasn't calling her so he didn't see her. He said that Mary Jo Buttafuoco showed up to Jimmy's show though. He said that she can drink too. Artie said he met Mary Jo and Joey's son and Mary Jo's new husband that night as well. Howard said he knows a lot of people who don't work out there in L.A. and they just hang out and go to parties and stuff.
Howard said that there were people on SFN talking about how Artie may not have even showed up for work this morning after a though weekend like that. Artie said he did have a good time after doing Jimmy's show. He had all of that pressure off of him after that so he went out and did shots with Jimmy and a few people from his show.
Artie said he had dinner with Sam Simon on Saturday night and Sam is really excited about the sitcom he's working on for Howard 101.
Fred said that the airlines are overbookign their flights all the time and that slows things down all over the place. Howard said that they were blaming the delay on traffic in New York but Fred said that the overbooking is what causes all of those problems.
Artie said that he has a lot of luck flying around because he hardly ever gets delayed. He had to fly out on Thursday afternoon and if his plane was delayed, he would have missed doing the show that he was doing.
Howard said he went out to Nobu with his buddy Ross, Tim Sabean and Ralph and ran into Billy Joel there. He said he knows Billy so he went over and said hello to him. Renee Zelleweger was there too but he didn't go over to him. She was sitting with two dudes so he didn't bother her. He said that she looks much thinner than she has and she may be too thin.
Howard heard that Jennifer Lopez was there but he never saw her. Lisa Gastineau was there and said hello to him. There were some other famous people there but he didn't see anyone else. He asked to be sat next to the famous people but that didn't happen.
Artie said he watched the movie ''Match Point'' over the weekend and thought it was great. It had Scarlett Johansen in it and he didn't know how hot she was.
Howard said that Pam Anderson called him over the weekend and invited him out to come place called Chiprianni. He went out with Ross, Tim and Ralph to that place and they saw more hot chicks in one place than he's ever seen before. He said one hot chick walked in and said hello to him so he gave her a ''Hey now!'' Pam was there so he walked over to her. She was wearing some kind of shorts that looked like a diaper on her. She was sitting in a corner eating with some guys and summoned him over to her table.
Howard said that he doesn't even know what she was talking about because he was so distracted by her beauty. Pam and her crew wanted to go to Bungalow 8 but he suggested that they go to Scores instead. He was really tired that night and wanted to go out and do what he wanted to do pretty early.
Howard and the guys went to Scores and Pam did show up. He and the guys were in the back room getting dances. He ended up going home early because he was so tired. That was on Thursday night and he was home by 1am or so. Gary said that Ralph didn't go to sleep that night, he came in on Friday and did the Friday Show after not getting any sleep at all. Ralph was trying to work one of Pam's friends but nothing happened with her or with Pam.
Howard said that if they give him the number, he can't call her every few minutes. He also told him not to tell her that they gave him the number. Howard asked Eric what he would say to her if he got her number. Eric said he would call and say that he was a big fan of hers... Artie threw in a ''Click!'' right after he said that.
Howard told Eric not to bring up Howard's name if he calls her. He told him to tell her that he can get a lot of votes for her. He then went into his Eric impression and told Eric to tell her that he can get about 4 million people to vote for her. They told him that he could also tell her that he's met Carrie Underwood since he got back stage, thanks to Howard's show, last year.
Gary said that Eric got all nice now that they've told him this. Howard replayed the voice mail message a few times but it was just Katherine saying ''Hi Gary, it's Katherine McPhee...'' Howard said there is more of that message for him but he wasn't going to play it for him.
Eric said he didn't have a ruler to measure himself with but he did have a straw. That wasn't going to get them a measurement. Howard told Eric to get a hold of a ruler and call him back. Howard wanted an exact measurement so he told Eric to find a ruler and call him back. Gary said he thought that Eric had said he was 8 or 9 inches long but Eric was talking about the length of the straw. Howard let Eric go and told him to go get that ruler so they can give him Katherine McPhee's number.
Howard said that Ferrall had Eric on the phone the other night while Shuli was on with him and they were busting his balls. He played some tape and Ferrall had a character called ''Derek The Midget'' so Derek and Ferrall were goofing on Eric with that character. ''Derek'' told Eric that he was supposed to be the only midget on the show and that he wanted to challenge Eric to some various stunts.
Howard said that Dan the Song Parody Man has been going nuts with Riley Martin song parodies lately. His latest one is to the tune of ''Backstreet's Back'' and it had clips of Riley going along to the music. Howard said he couldn't wait to come in and play the stuff this morning. There was a second song to the tune of an Alvin and the Chipmunks song that had everyone laughing. Howard said he had a lot of other things to play but he had to take a commercial break first.
Gary asked if anyone there has seen the Da Vinci Code yet. Howard said that he was busy looking at the box art on the Da Vinci Load movie.
Howard said that they're waiting for this guy John to show up to bang Siobhan but he's not there yet. He also said that they have this woman Jennifer Steele coming in to let them do a bong hit out of her ass. He said it's pretty amazing from what he's heard.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said that it's getting busy in those green rooms out there but Siobhan's date isn't there yet. Lisa told Howard that they'll be taking a look at the indecency bill that was passed by the Senate last week. Howard is hoping that it gets signed into law soon so more people will be coming over to satellite. Lisa said they were very sneaking about the vote because it was passed around midnight when no one was paying attention to it.
Lisa also said that they'll be taking a closer look at transsexual private parts and what's going on down there. Robin said that she's heard part of the report that she was talking about and she doesn't believe that the doctor they spoke to is very forthcoming in his thoughts on the fake vagina. He was saying that a fake vagina shouldn't smell much different than a real one.
Lisa said that Miserable Men has gotten a regular time slot on Howard 101 at 7pm on every other Monday night. Howard thanked her for the update and let her go after that.
Howard said that NBC was the worst of the worst for him. He had to make a lot of adjustments back then and he really didn't have an explanation for the weird voice. He said it was probably the lowest point in his career for him and things were though to deal with back then. He also had to speak quickly to get in his discussions since he was forced to play music back then.
Howard said that Bubba the Love Sponge got into a fight with Heidi Cortez on the air. He said that Heidi can't really ad-lib and he ended up getting very upset with her. He said that by the end of the interview Bubba was goofing on her breasts after talking about how hot she was when they first started out.
Howard played the clip where Bubba asked Heidi to work with him and get herself off while he was talking to her. Heidi told him that wasn't going to happen. Bubba got irritated with her right away and that got him out of the mood to do anything with her. He went off on her a short time into the interview and Bubba threatened to tell Howard on her. He hung up on her a short time later.
Howard explained how after the Beatles made it big there were a lot of other bands that came out around that time. Artie said he thought that there were some cool bands that came out around that time. Howard and the guys talked about some of the other wacky bands that were out around that time. Fred was playing some of the songs that Howard would bring up since he was able to look them up pretty quickly.
Howard had Fred playing The Yardbirds' ''For Your Love'' so he was singing along with that. He then went into a whole history of Rock and Roll. He said that first it was The Beatles so he had Fred play some of their music. Then the Dave Clark Five and some other lame bands came out. Then the cool bands like The Animals and The Rolling Stones started to come out. Fred threw in some of The Animals stuff but Howard saw that Eric the Midget was on the phone with a ruler.
Howard got back to the Heidi Cortez thing and played a prank call that she made to a pizza shop trying to get them to write a message on the box for her boyfriend.
Howard asked Eric if he was sitting there with his pants off. Eric claimed that he was. Howard told him to turn off his radio so Eric said he had to move over to it since he doesn't have a remote. Howard found out that he was sitting there with just a shirt on. Eric said he had a ruler that was 14 inches long which surprised Robin. She wondered where he got a ruler that wasn't 12 inches long.
Howard asked Eric if he was fully aroused. He claimed he was and he got that way by just thinking about a couple of girls. He said that there's this one female on the internet that he thinks about when he wants to get it up. Derek the Midget (Shuli) called in a short time later and asked Eric why he doesn't think about Ryan Seacrest. Howard told Derek he was kind of doing a buzz kill thing.
Howard asked Eric what his measurement was. Eric took the measurement and said that he was at 5 inches or somewhere a little over. He had him swear on his mother's life that he was really measuring it. Eric swore on his mother's life that he was. The guys thought he was pretty big for a little person. Howard was shocked that it was that big. 'Derek' was still on the phone and threw in a few comments during that conversation.
Howard told Eric that he was going to hook him up with Katherine's number. He also played the bit that Sal and Richard put together about what might happen if Eric and Tabitha Stevens met. Eric said he can't stand that bit. Robin said that it's a great impression, he'd have to admit that. Eric refused to even say that it was a good impression.
Howard said he was going to give Eric the number but he wasn't going to play the rest of that voice mail that Katherine left for Gary. He wondered if Eric really did measure himself. The guys weren't sure but the five inches sounded believable.
Howard played a bunch of the Riley Martin song parodies that Dan the Song Parody Man has put together for them lately. He also played the prank call that ''Evil Dave'' Letterman made to Riley. In another Riley bit they took his audio clips and made a prank call to a talk show. Howard played the ''My Name Is... Riley Martin'' song parody and yet another prank call made using Riley's audio clips. There was also the Riley Martin song parody that was to the tune of Billy Joel's ''We Didn't Start the Fire.'' They had a bit where they took Riley's clips and mixed them with Blue Iris' clips to create a porn scene.
Howard kept going for a good 10 minutes with the various Riley Martin bits, prank calls and song parodies. He said he could go on all morning with that stuff. Gary came in and told Howard they had breaking news... Siobhan the transsexual was there and they had a guy there who was willing to bang her.
Howard said that they should probably bring Siobhan in first and then bring in the guy. Fred went into his Siobhan impression and goofed on her for a short time. Howard said that he had to take a break before bringing in Siobhan in.
Gary said that the guy is in the green room with his hands shaking. Howard told him to bring him in quickly before he ran away. The guy, John, said that he wasn't high this morning but his clothes all stink because he smokes in his room. Siobhan said that he's not a bad looking guy but she was disturbed by the fact that he's on methadone. Howard said that John is a nice looking guy... Siobhan said that she's worried about diseases, not about his looks. Jon said tat he's been tested for stuff since the methadone clinic makes people get tested.
John said that he was tested for Hepatitis and all of that stuff so he's clean. Siobhan asked him where he works. John said he works for his family's exterminator business. Howard told Siobhan that he's a guy with a penis who is wiling to take her transsexual virginity. The pickings are slim for something like that.
Siobhan said that she's looking for someone who can accept her past history. She claims that there are men out there who don't believe that she was once a man. Howard found that hard to believe. Howard asked John if he could go through with this. John said it would be hard but he wouldn't have come down there if he wasn't willing to do it.
Howard asked Siobhan to show John her fake vagine. John said he had seen it before on Howard TV but Siobhan pulled down her panties and showed it to him. Howard had her show him her boobs as well. Siobhan showed him her implants and pointed out that she has a third nipple as well.
Siobhan asked John what he would do if they were walking down the street and they were accosted by some guys. Artie said that John would ask if they had any heroin. Howard told John that Siobhan's penis was cut up and turned into a vagina and clitoris down there. He also asked John about his heroin use and why he was using. John said he used to move around a lot and felt like he didn't belong.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told John to leave now before he lost his dignity. Howard told him not to spoil their fun and hung up on him. John was still up for it. Siobhan is looking for a boyfriend but John probably wouldn't be the right man.
Siobhan said that a guy hit on her last week and wants her to call him back, but he doesn't know that she's had this surgery. Howard told her to just go for it with this guy and try it out. John didn't even want to hold Siobhan's hand but she grabbed it and said that he was very cold. Siobhan's hands were bigger than John's according to Howard. She's also taller than he is. John said that his hands are very rough as well.
Gary noticed that John wouldn't even look at Siobhan. He was looking off into space. Howard asked John if he could look at her at all because he kept turning away whenever he did look. Siobhan was telling Howard that she's really looking for a guy who can afford to get her some more plastic surgery.
Gary said that he wanted to see Siobhan give John a lap dance. Siobhan was even going to let him touch her fake boobs. John copped a feel but didn't want to kiss it. John said that he wasn't looking for foreplay. Artie asked John if he gets laid. John said that he's gotten laid about 12 times in his life and he started out at the age of 14.
John said that he got in trouble when he sold drugs to an undercover cop one time. That really fucked his life up and the case is still going on. He got out on $500,000 bail 2 years ago. Robin asked him if he's going to stay off of drugs now. He said he's going to stay clean now. John said he got nailed for selling drugs to the guy three times.
Howard took a call from a guy who told John that if he goes through with this thing, he'll end up going back on the heroin. John said he almost did go back on drugs to get through this whole thing. Howard asked the two of them if they were ready to go do their thing. They were ready to go so Howard told John that if he wants to bail out at any time, he can just run out of the room. John said he wouldn't have come down if he wasn't going to do it and he doesn't want to look like a fool.
Howard told John to give it his best shot and asked him if he had any condoms with him. John said he didn't have any but he needs about 3. Siobhan said that she has a bunch of them and she'll even have a female condom that she'll be wearing. Howard asked her why she would have that, she's not a female. John is doing all of this just so he can get in on the Artie Roast that's coming up next month.
Howard took a call from Zolar who told John that he's got to give him props for doing this. He wants to know what it looks like and smells like. He wanted him to suck her titty right then but John wasn't going to do that. Zolar also told him that he'll be known as a junkie, homo for the rest of his life.
Another caller told John that he's probably going to smell like Brie cheese after he's done doing it and he may never get another woman. Ralph called in and asked Siobhan if she was nuts because she was putting up all of these huge obstacles for the guy to get past. She's got tons of cats at her apartment and she's asking him to eat her out and things like that. John pointed out that Siobhan has snot running out of her nose too. Siobhan said that it's the weather and she can't help it.
John said that he had sex about 4 months ago. He asked if this was going to make him gay. Howard and Robin said ''no'' but Artie told him ''Yeeesss!'' Howard said he wasn't going to try and convince this guy to do this, he told him to just go give it a try and see if he could get it up for her. He's going to be the first man to stick his penis inside of her fake vag. Richard Christy stuck his finger in there last week.
Howard said that Siobhan had her head on John's shoulder and he looked like he didn't know what to do. Ralph just laughed when he heard that. John said that he bailed out last week because he really didn't think he'd be able to go through with the whole thing. Howard told the two of them to go on their way and to call them back when they get to Siobhan's place. She lives about 10 minutes away.
Jennifer said that she brought in a special bong for Howard and gave that to him. She was also telling Howard that her parents just recently found out that she's in porn and confronted her about that. They thought she was a dancer until they found the web site.
Howard asked Jennifer how the ass bong thing was going to work. She said that she could do it either doggy style or pile driver like. Howard had to find someone to do it first. Artie wasn't willing to do it so Howard said that Richard may do it. Richard said he's not much of a smoker but he might want to try it if the smoke doesn't taste like ass or anything. He also said he doesn't want to put the bong in her ass.
Howard said that Jennifer is looking for more people for another gang bang and you can find out about that at JenniferSteele.com. He also gave her a plug for her web site OwnAStripClub.com. Howard had to take a commercial break after that and before getting to the bong hit.
Jennifer told Howard a story about a guy who once whacked off into a cup and froze it until she got there. When she got there she had to pretend to be an 18 year old and had her feed him the ''ice cream.'' Howard asked her how she screens these people to make sure that they don't kill her. She said that she goes with people who have references so she knows that they're not going to kill her.
Not all of the guys who hire her are weird either. She said that some of them are pretty normal actually. Robin asked her how much she can make per year doing that. She said that she can make a couple hundred thousand a year. She said she's probably worth about $300,000 right now.
Gary came in and said that he heard her say that she can do guys outside of her marriage so he wondered how she does that. She said that they have an open marriage and she even put Artie on her list of guys she would like to bang. Artie asked her how she can equate money to guys not been creepy because a lot of creepy guys can inherit money and do stuff like that. She said that it limits the creepy factor.
Howard played a clip from Jennifer's ''Mexican Anal Gang Bang'' movie where Eddie the Produce Guy is banging her. Eddie said that he went third in the gang bang... and then went 15th. Jennifer said that Eddie whacked off on her chest in the movie.
Howard had Jennifer move on to doing the ass bong thing. She's going to lay on her back while Richard takes a hit off the bong that's inserted into her ass. She was taking it ''pile driver'' style with her on her back and her legs above her head. She inserted the bong and Richard came in to take a hit of tobacco from the bong. Howard kept saying that they can't smoke pot in there so they were using tobacco.
Howard said that they could see through the bong so it was almost like a medical thing they were doing. Richard took a hit from the bong but he didn't seem to know what he was doing at first. He eventually got it, lit it up and took a hit. Richard was worried that the water was touching her ass because he got some on his face. Artie said that if it was weed he might take a hit.
Sal came in and took a quick hit. He wasn't getting any smoke when he did it so he had to try it again... and again. Sal said it wasn't bad but he'd prefer weed in there. Robin said that Artie smokes cigarettes so he should try it. Artie said that his smokes are usually ''ass free.'' Sal took a whiff of the bong after it was removed from her ass. He said that it smelled like shit. Richard took a whiff too and confirmed the stink but then Jennifer sucked it off and said it tasted like lube. Robin said she was going to throw up from that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to be there to do a hit off the bong. Howard told him that the next best thing is to get her movie through her web site JenniferSteele.com. Howard also spent a minute talking to Eddie the Produce Guy who whipped out his penis and showed it to everyone. Howard went to break after that.
Artie said that he has to hand it do Joey for doing the gay scenes in the show. Joey said that he did get some ''man odor'' on him a couple of times and that wasn't too pleasant. Howard said he saw a thread on SternFanNetwork.com about the Johnnie Cakes character possibly being in the Vipers gang and that would go back to some older shows and reference those. Joey said he wasn't sure about that, he'd have to go back and check it out.
Joey told Howard about the double hip replacement he had done and pulled down his pants to show the guys the scars. Joey said that's why he was waddling for a while. He's starting to walk straight now though. He said that the hip thing is hereditary but his weight didn't help things out much.
Howard said that The Sopranos is almost like American Idol because once you're off the show, people forget about you. Joey said he thinks that now he'll be able to get some work out there and he won't be thought of as just a gay guy. Howard said ''Yes you will.'' Gary came in and said that SIRIUS sent around a note about the celebrity guests who would be up there and Joey was listed as ''the gay Soprano.''
Howard said that whenever he sees anyone from The Sopranos in any other movie or TV show, he thinks about them being in The Sopranos. Artie said that Joey is in his movie ''Beer League'' and he gets completely lost in playing his landscaping boss. He thinks he'd be good in a sitcom or something as well. Joey said that he did meet with a bunch of people out in California a couple of weeks ago. He'd love to do a sitcom and he's available to do that now.
Howard talked about how great The Sopranos is and how good some of the episodes have been this season. Artie said he thinks that David Chase got pissed at Joey for doing Celebrity Fit Club and that's why he had his character come out gay and all of that.
Howard gave Joey a couple of plugs for his stuff and web site JoeysSoup.com. He wrapped up with him a short time later.
Howard moved on to ''David Lee Roth'' and asked him about what he's doing these days. David said that he's doing some concerts now and he's going to continue his radio career with his new show that he'll be doing out of his truck. It'll be a CB radio show. Howard said that it's interesting that he went from CBS radio to CB radio. Robin said that he'll eventually be doing just C radio.
David brought some clips from his CB radio program for Howard to play. Dave said there is no schedule and that's the magic part of it. If he sees something going on, he'll just get on the CB and start talking. Yesterday he figures his audience was about 3 people. Artie said that they're estimating that he'd double that audience by the end of the year.
Howard played the clip of David doing his CB radio show. One guy told Dave that he doesn't want him tying up his channel with his radio program, they need it for traffic. In a second clip Dave was playing a trucker game where he had to guess what type of horn the truckers were blowing. Howard asked him if he can get good guests on his show. Dave said that he stopped at a truck stop the other day and picked up some hookers and tried to help them out.
Howard broke Dave out of character and said that was actually Billy Mira. Billy also does a great Ozzy Osbourne impression so he did a little of that. Howard asked Billy why he never auditioned for Saturday Night Live. Billy wasn't sure why he never did. Those are the two big ones that Billy does but he also does a Vince Neil impression. Artie said you never hear anyone doing an impression of that guy.
Howard asked Jim if he did impressions on SNL when he was on. Jim said he used to do the Joe Pesci impression but that was about it. He said this stoner intern dude suggested that he do that on the Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald. That led to him doing the character on the show and Pesci eventually did a sketch with him.
Howard asked Jim if he does the scene from Goodfellas where Joe Pesci is talking to the guys. Artie knew the scene but he doesn't do the Pesci impression very well. He got Jim started and Jim got into the scene a little more. They had some fun with that and talked about Pesci for a short time. Howard wondered why Joe isn't working these days. Artie thinks that he's happy being retired and doesn't want to work that much anymore.
Howard asked Jim if he hates David Spade because he heard that he said something about him not possibly banging Heather Locklear. Jim said he doesn't believe in all of that Hollywood couple stuff and can't believe that Spade was banging her. He said that Heather still looks amazing these days.
Howard said that he would like Jim to do the Pesci character in a radio sitcom for his channel. Howard said that Billy could do the Bobby D character and it would be great.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave the guys some advice for the CB radio show thing. In the clip earlier 'David Lee Roth' said ''good buddy'' and that's gay talk. Another caller said that he wanted to let David Lee Roth know that the CB radio program would be great. It sounded like the guy had no clue that it was Billy doing the impression. Howard asked David if he thinks that he could get up to 100 people listening at one time. David said he thinks he could do that if he kept up the entertainment.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted to talk to ''David Lee Roth'' who was apparently another one who had no clue that Billy was doing the voice. The caller asked Dave how many chicks he banged down in Savanna Georgia when he did a show out there. Dave never gave an answer to that, Howard moved on before he could.
Another caller asked about the Joe Pesci sitcom that Howard was talking about. Howard said he thinks that it's time for Pesci to return and they're going to try and make that happen with or without the real Joe Pesci.
Howard read that Jim has a problem with Chris Rock so he asked Jim about that. Jim said that when he was on SNL he did a couple of weeks at MTV and got noticed a lot more after doing that than he ever did while he was on SNL. Around that time Chris Rock had called him to do a sketch and he had to turn it down. Then he did a show with Chris where he told him that he was supposed to do MTV and then do Saturday Night Live, not the other way around. He was giving him a dig in front of the whole audience and he didn't think it was cool. Jim was doing his Chris Rock impression while he told the story and it was a pretty good impression of him.
Howard asked Jim if he's still enjoying doing the SIRIUS show. Jim said he loves it. He even gets to do the show from his parents house sometimes. He said that he can't even listen to regular radio anymore. That got Howard talking about the indecency bill that was just passed and how that's really going to ruin terrestrial radio. They never fought back against the FCC and it's going to bite them in the ass.
Jim said that he has to thank Howard for coming to SIRIUS because he runs into so many people who got it just for his show. Now he has even more people listening to his show thanks to Howard. That led to the guys talking about how much stuff there is to listen to on SIRIUS and how no one is really competing against anyone else there. Robin was talking about the Spa channel she listens to and the Jazz channel she was listening to over the weekend. She said that they didn't play one bad song on there. Artie asked her how that's possible, did they not play any jazz songs at all?
Howard asked Jim about this bit he does on his show where they have comedians come in and do covers of their favorite comedians bits. Jim told Howard that he and his co-host Pete Corealle came up with that idea. He said that he did a Sam Kinison bit that was his favorite. He did the bit and did a bit of a Kinison impression while he was doing it. Howard said that Ralph comes over to his apartment sometimes and does his favorite Chris Rock bits and it's funny. Artie appeared on Jim's show and did a Norm Macdonald bit.
Howard asked Jim how he hooked up with Billy Mira. Jim said that he used to be in a band years ago and learned about Billy back then. He heard that Billy did David Lee Roth on Howard's show and thought that was great. Jim said that their new show will be on Raw Dog Comedy (Channel 104) on SIRIUS on June 4th and they'll be doing a heavy metal karaoke thing on there. They will have a live metal band there to play the music for them. You can find out about that at HeavyMetalManShow.com
Howard asked Jim if he's still married. Jim said that he's been married for 13 years now and has 3 daughters. He lives out in Chester, New Jersey. He said he gets to work out of his parents house 3 times a week or so and even prank calls his parents from their own basement. Howard said that you can find some of Jim's comedy dates at BreuerUnleashed.com. He also gave Billy a plug for his web site BillyMiraComedy.com and then went to commercial break.
Howard went to Richie Wilson from In Demand who was over at Siobhan's apartment. Richie described the scene as the basement scene from the movie ''Silence of the Lambs.'' He said that the toilet is in the middle of a room and there are no walls around it. He said that the place smells like cat urine and there's hair all over the linens and things like that.
Shuli was also over there and said that he went to go pee in the toilet and there was a cat drinking out of it. He described the scene and said that there were cat cages all over the apartment and John was sitting there trying to chub up a bit. He was all nervous and shaking as well. He also talked about all of the cat toys and crap that were in there for them. There are cats with damaged ears and all kinds of other injuries.
Howard said that maybe Shuli and Richie should hand over their phones to John and Siobhan so they can listen in as this is going on. John got on the phone a minute later and said that he was having trouble chubbing up and Siobhan wouldn't give him a magazine to look at. Siobhan said it wouldn't count if he did that.
Howard asked John how they could help him out. John said that he was trying to get himself going but it was tough. Artie told Siobhan that if he went out and got a chick for John, that might help. Howard told John to let Siobhan just tug on that thing for him. He said that if he closes his eyes that might help too.
Siobhan laid down on the bed and spread her legs but that wasn't helping John out either. Howard told him to just go ahead and let Siobhan tug on his package. Howard asked him who he finds to be an attractive celebrity. John said he's into Eva Longoria so Howard told him to pretend that Siobhan is Eva.
Siobhan had to go and wash off her vibrator. When she came back she told John to take his shoes off. Howard told her to pretend to be Eva Longoria for John. Siobhan then started explaining the cats injuries and all of that. Howard told her to shut up and let John do his thing. John said that Siobhan was on the bed with her legs spread and they had no idea what was going on there.
Siobhan said that she blew out a hemorrhoid last night so that came up while she was trying to vibrate herself. Howard told John they had to get going so he had to do something. John put Shuli on the phone and Shuli described the scene. He said that John was walking around with his hand in his pants trying to turn himself on. Siobhan told John to relax. Shuli added ''Just relax, we're all guys here...''
Shuli said that John pulled out a condom and unwrapped it. Then Siobhan said that John actually has beautiful eyes and he's a very sweet guy. John had his pants unzipped and opened up. He was messing around down there. Shuli asked how come Siobhan's doctor isn't in jail for what he did to her.
John announced that he was actually getting smaller. Shuli tried to encourage him and John's pants did come down but he wasn't aroused. No one was surprised by that. Shuli said that poor John was staring at an inside-out penis on Siobhan.
Siobhan was still upset about the comments the guys were making about her cats. She said that the cats don't stink like the guys said they did. Howard said that she's got 30 cats in the apartment so it must stink.
Howard had George Flowers and Jon Hein come in with their show previews. George Flowers was first up with his Howard 100 News preview. George mentioned the stories that Lisa G mentioned earlier and also talked about some of the guests they had on the show today that they'll have interviews with. Jon Hein then gave a quick preview of what was coming up on The Wrap Up Show after Howard's show. He mentioned many of the things that went on during the show today and what they'll be talking about today.
Howard got back to Shuli and the crew at Siobhan's apartment. Shuli said that John was on the bed next to Siobhan. Howard asked him to put him on the phone so he could talk to him. John said that there was a cat on the bed trying to lick his penis and the smell was making him sick. He said he was trying to rub it to get it going but nothing was happening.
Howard had John put Siobhan on the phone. She told Howard that when she touches him, it shrinks into his body. Howard told her that she was a man so she should know what to do with it. Siobhan said that she wasn't very connected to her penis when she still had one. Howard told her to put John back on the phone. John said that he was going to try and shove it in while it was soft but Siobhan said it wouldn't go in unless it was hard.
Howard got Siobhan back on the phone. She told Howard that she wants him to tell John to eat her out. Howard tried to convince her to let John stick it in while it was soft. Siobhan didn't understand how John wasn't getting aroused while she was using the vibrator on herself. Howard told her it's because she's a man with a ''mangina.'' Siobhan believes that she's a woman with a vagina but that's not how these guys see it.
Siobhan said that she needs a man who is really into her and wants to have sex with her. Howard told her that's impossible but she said that's not true. Gary told Howard that Jessica Hahn was on the phone and wanted to talk to this guy. John got back on the phone and said he saw something under his vagina. Siobhan was saying that it was her hemorrhoid. John described it as red popcorn and couldn't explain it. He told Howard he has no clue what this looks like.
Howard put Jessica on the phone with John. She then told John to close his eyes and take a deep breath. She told him to think about her being naked and feeling really soft. She described kissing his belly and going down toward his penis and balls. She was saying that she was stroking his penis and balls and slipping down, feeling her way around with her tongue.
None of that was helping. John said that the scene was crazy there and nothing was helping. He said that there were cats swinging from ropes in the apartment. He said the smell was so bad he couldn't even think about that stuff. Howard was ready to bail out after that but John was saying that he still wanted to stick it in while he was semi-hard.
Howard got Siobhan back on the phone. She said that she had shoved her hemorrhoid back in after lubing it up. She said that she didn't want to take the penis in unless it was hard. She said that she's never seen a guy's penis go back inside when touching one. Howard had her put John back on the phone and then yelled at him to just get in there and do his thing. He told him to stop being a fag (and laughed as he was saying it) and to just go fuck that thing. That didn't work either.
Howard gave up and told John to at least just free the cats if he's not going to screw that thing. Rev. Bob Levy called in and told John to just go fuck that dude if he wants to come to the Artie roast. He told him to just go fuck that dick-cunt. That wasn't going anywhere either so Bob told him to just go fuck that 1 eared cat.
Gary said that he heard John said that he was willing to let Siobhan blow him. Howard wasn't sure he wanted to hear that. John then offered to lick Siobhan's fake vagina one time. Someone suggested 3 times but Howard was ready to call this whole thing an ''abortion'' and gave up on it. He told John that this segment, just like Siobhan's vagina, is mangled. He said he's going to let this guy into the Artie roast because he did give it a try.
John tried one last time to convince Siobhan to let him stick it in soft. Siobhan said that she won't let him do that because it's obvious that John's penis doesn't want him to. Siobhan agreed to let him rub the soft penis in there because she had a dental dam to use. John saw the hemorrhoid there again so he was freaked out once again.
John asked Siobhan to sit on top of him. Siobhan was yelling at him and not helping things out. She sat on top of him and said that his penis didn't even reach her pussy. John told her to just grab it and shove it in but that wasn't going to happen. Siobhan said that they have to find someone who really wants to do it. Howard told John that it turns out he was normal and he doesn't have to apologize for not getting aroused. He's still going to be invited to the Artie roast.
Robin started her news but Howard took some phone calls during her reports. One guy asked Howard when he's going out to Las Vegas next. Howard didn't know but said they may do it in the fall if they do it at all. Another caller asked if Howard has any plans on replaying the first shows they did on SIRIUS. Howard said that the first show will only be replayed on January 9th of upcoming years, it will not be replayed at any other time because that's the way Tim Sabean wants it... but the other shows from that week will probably work their way into the scheduled when they take vacations.
Gary came in during the news and said that he read that John Stamos' latest girlfriend is Sheryl Crowe. He brought Howard an article about it so Howard read it and said he's not so sure he believes that. Artie said ''John fucks like I eat...'' He's got a new chick every minute. Howard said that story is probably old and he's probably on to a new chick already. Howard wrapped up the show around 11:30am.
Howard started off the morning talking about staying up late to watch the Legends Ball with Oprah Winfrey and friends. He said that Oprah started out showing off her house where she was throwing a party for black women. He said she was calling the younger women ''young 'uns'' which was really annoying. He was also saying that it was a very racist show because she was celebrating only black women and had only white people serving the black women.
Howard said that he didn't have much of a choice in programming last night. It was either Oprah or ''Deal or No Deal.'' He was talking about how Oprah showed off her wealth and parades around old black ladies like Coretta Scott King who must have done the show before she died. Halle Berry was also there and he pointed out that she's someone who does a hit and run. Mariah Carey was also there and he thinks that she's white.
Howard said that the young 'uns were reciting poems to the older women at this party. Robin said it sounds like a nightmare party to go to. Howard played a clip where the women were chanting the names of the women at the party and it was very creepy sounding. Oprah does a voice over where she talks about how powerful the event was. Howard said they were really into what they were doing too and very intense.
Diane Sawyer was there for some reason even though she's white. Howard said that white people were allowed to the party but weren't celebrated like the black women were. He said the party seemed to be a lunch for ''ego-centric nut-jobs.''
JD came in and said that in the clip they heard Halle Berry crying and it was the second time they were reading this poem. Howard played another clip where some other women like Cicely Tyson rambles on for a few seconds. Then we heard some other women rambling on and on and the other women chanting along to the names like they're in church or something.
Robin said that they should do something similar with the Wack Pack and have a Howard Stern Legends Ball. Artie did some of his impressions of Crazy Alice and what she might say at an event like that. Fred did his Siobhan the Transsexual impression and goofed on that a bit.
Gary told Howard that she took all of his food money this week. He said he gave it to her because she told him that she'll be his girlfriend. Then she leaves him and doesn't give him any sex. Howard said that he should stop giving her his money and tell her to get out of his house.
Howard said that Jennifer is like the retarded flu and keeps getting in. He asked Gary why he lied to him about Jennifer having given him sex in the past. Gary was just going by what she was telling him to say. Howard pretended to be Jennifer and tried to convince him to give him his money. Gary told her to get out of his life. Howard told Gary he has to stop giving her his money. Robin asked him how much he gave her. He said it was $20. Artie said that the joke is on Jennifer if that's all the money he had.
Gary said that Miss Howard Stern called him and was very upset about something. Howard didn't know what he was talking about so he just told him to be careful talking to women. He played the ''Shoe Shoe Retarded Flu'' prank call that Sal and Richard made to him. Gary believes that he can catch the flu through the phone. He let Gary go and got back to the Oprah clips.
Howard said that Mary J. Blidge seems to be a bit out of her mind. He played a clip of her rambling on about the women who were on the show. Howard pointed out that it was clear that the people who were serving at the party were all white. He played another couple of clips where we learned that each woman had her own waiter.
Howard said that Oprah gave away diamonds as a parting gift for the women who were at the party. He said he wishes that he could take himself that seriously as he was playing a clip where the women were chanting the names of the women at the party.
Howard played a clip where Oprah was crying as she was talking about the women that they were celebrating and thanking them for coming on. He said that it was odd that she couldn't honor any white women. He found it odd that only black women influenced Oprah. He said that she was influenced by white people's hair. Robin said she had a lot of white influences.
Howard said that Suzanne is a gold mine no matter what she's talking about. As she was talking about all of that stuff the audience was laughing at her but she didn't even acknowledge that. She had a movie to plug but didn't allow Jimmy to plug the web site.
Howard moved on to play an audio clip from a news program where some reporters were talking about how Michael Powell, former head of the FCC, is being considered as a replacement for the NFL football commissioner. Howard said that he thinks that's a perfect job for that guy because he had no business being the head of the FCC. The reporters had mentioned Howard's name while talking about that but Howard said he would be thrilled to see Powell in charge of football.
Howard and the guys talked about the Siobhan thing yesterday and how she had a hemorrhoid sticking out of her ass while John was trying to get worked up to bang her. King of all Japs said he might be able to perform. Howard said he might have to give him a shot.
Howard had John on the phone so he told him how he gave it a great shot yesterday when he tried to get worked up for Siobhan. John said that the apartment was horrible and one of the cats scratched him from it's cage. That led to the guys discussing the hemorrhoid and how awful that looked to John. He said that really freaked him out and the awful smell in the apartment was another problem he had.
John said that his penis kept shrinking more and more while he was trying to get excited for that. Artie asked about the hemorrhoid thing because he's never had one. Robin explained it to him and Howard added that Siobhan had shoved the thing back into his ass. Artie sounded disgusted when he heard that.
Howard said it's probably best that John didn't bang Siobhan because he was a drug addict and he's on methadone. John described the scene in Siobhan's apartment and said that cats were swinging from ropes in her apartment. There were other cats in cages and one of them clawed him from the cage.
The In Demand guys showed some tape from the apartment and Howard said it looked horrible. Everywhere they looked there was a cat. Gary came in and said that the In Demand guys gave him a DVD of that stuff and there's one segment where Siobhan was touching herself while trying to get John excited. She was pulling on his penis and it was so small that she was using just her thumb and forefinger. They also showed Siobhan shoving the hemorrhoid back in.
Howard asked the guys when that show will hit Howard TV On Demand. He figured it was tonight that it would make it on. Isaac from In Demand told Howard that they're going to be holding it off until late June or July because they're going to make a special out of it. They have a lot of footage to go through and edit so it will be put off for a little while. Howard wrapped up with John a short time later and moved on to some other things.
Howard had another song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man has put together with Riley audio clips. He played a bunch of other various audio clips that he had in his computer. He had a song parody about Paul McCartney's divorce. After that he played the acoustic version of ''Every Homo'' that he and Fred performed last week.
Howard asked Fred how he knew how to play that Every Homo song the way he did. It sounded like he had practiced it every night. Fred said it was just one of those lucky things. Howard went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard said that Eric would never have measured his penis if he didn't have that number to give him. He also said that a lot of people don't think that he actually has five inches in his pants. Eric said that he got himself aroused and measured it and he swears that it was really five inches. He said he measured from underneath his penis and that's the number he came up with. Howard thought it was pretty impressive to have 5 inches when he's only 3'5'' tall.
Howard told Eric that the next time he gets an American Idol's phone number, he's going to have him measure his circumference. He then went into his Eric impression and created the phone call that might have happened if Eric called Katherine McPhee. He was talking about how he could get her millions of votes with his powers.
Howard thinks that if Katherine doesn't call Eric back today, he'll probably call her number again. Eric said that he might call her if she wins. Gary came in and asked him to hold off on calling her for a while so he can call her back if she wins and possibly get her on the show. Eric agreed to hold off on that.
Eric asked Howard what the rest of her message said since they played just a couple of seconds of it on yesterday's show. Howard wasn't sure so he asked Gary what was on there. He took a call from Ralph after that and Ralph told Eric that he blew it when he didn't tell Katherine that he votes like 800 times on that show. Eric has voted for the full two hour window that they give people to get in their votes.
Howard and Ralph told Eric that he really has to work in the fact that he's in a wheel chair to get her sympathy. Ralph told him to be casual about that stuff too and not just blurt it out. That led to the guys talking about Eric's Myspace page because Eric gave that out to Katherine so she could check out the pictures to see him meeting Carrie Underwood and things like that.
Howard said that Eric must have been thrilled to get her number yesterday. Eric said he only called her once though. He didn't feel the need to call her multiple times. Howard asked him if he got nervous before calling. Eric said he did get a little nervous. Howard gave out Eric's Myspace account which was Myspace.com/EricTheActorLynch. Ralph told him to just call her back and not wait for her to call him back.
Howard told Eric that if he does speak to her, he should let her know that he does vote for her and he votes a lot. He should also say that he's been putting in a lot of work trying to get her those votes. Howard went into his impression again and goofed on Eric a little bit. Eric said that he would be nice on the phone every time if Howard and the guys would accept his three requests and stop calling him Eric the Midget and Eric the Astronaut, stop making fun of his voice and to take him out of the Wack Pack.
Howard said he's not going to accept those three requests and he's not going to stop doing those things. Ralph said that he still wants to make fun of Eric's voice when he calls Howard at home. Eric said that would be fine. Howard told Eric that he can't stop doing all of those things but then did the Oprah Winfrey Legend's thing where they said ''Eric, we speak your name...''
Howard said that a lot of people were backing Eric for not sleeping with Tabitha Stevens. That led to Howard playing the clip that Sal and Richard created where Eric meets Tabitha Stevens and has sex with her. Howard told Eric that time is running out for him and he may never get laid if he doesn't take them up on an offer like that. Ralph told him that having 5 inches on a small body like his is pretty impressive. Howard told him that Tabitha would please him like he wouldn't believe and she's got a rockin' body. Howard continued playing the bit with Eric and Tabitha's meeting. She ends up shorting out his wheelchair when she pees on him.
Howard asked Eric if he's going to call Katherine McPhee back. Eric said he's not sure. Howard practiced with him by pretending to be her answering machine. Eric didn't know what to say so Howard told him to get it together and come up with something. Howard came up with something of his own and said that Eric should tell her that he's got a bus load of school children that he's holding hostage. He tried the voice mail thing again and Eric gave a message where he said he would be voting for her.
Howard told Eric that he has to make some stuff up to get her attention. Artie said that he really does have to lie, he would know because he's had to do that before. Howard said that Kevin Lofton has been inspired by the Eric meets Tabitha bit so he's going to animate that for them.
Howard and the guys continued to try and get Eric to do the right thing and call her back. They had lots of suggestions for him. At one point Eric let out one of his ''Errh'' sounds that Howard loves to make fun of. That led to Fred playing a buzzer sound that was similar to Eric's ''Errh'' sound. Howard and Fred had some fun playing with that for a minute. Howard told Eric that they're just teasing him when they do that stuff.
Kevin Lofton called in and said that he was going to do the Eric meets Tabitha thing but Doug from In Demand was holding things up. Howard said that Doug has to get that thing together and get the animation going. Kevin said he could have it done in about 2 weeks or so. Howard let Kevin go and then let Eric off the line. Eric leaves each time by saying ''Bye for now...''
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that American Idol doesn't allow more than one phone call from each phone number so Eric isn't getting in more than one vote. Howard thought that was pretty funny that he was calling for no reason.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made to a guy using Riley Martin audio clips. Howard played another song parody from Dan the Song Parody Man with Riley Martin clips in it. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that Gary said that they should play Page 69 from yesterday because JD had something to say about him from the X-Men screening. Howard played the clip where Jason talked about going to see the movie with Howard and a few other people. Jason said that JD complained about Howard because he was eating an apple while they were watching the movie. Howard told the guys to take JD off the list for going to screenings. Jason said that JD was complaining about Howard after the movie even though it was a free movie screening that he went to. Howard said he finished that apple within 30 seconds of the start of the movie.
Howard played another Page 69 clip where Jason and Will talked about Sal the Stockbroker having problems masturbating because he cums before he even gets hard. Howard cut that one off early because he didn't want to hear about that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he wanted to get on his show because he's out visiting from the West Coast and he was only there for a couple more days. Howard didn't know what he wanted to do and ended up bailing out of the call.
Another phone caller said that people like Wilmer Valderrama and John Stamos haven't made it on to Howard TV. Isaac from In Demand came in and told Howard that those shows will air eventually but they have to pick and choose the stuff they put on each day and they bank those other shows for future airing. They have to clear stuff to air sometimes so that's why it takes some time to get them up.
Howard took a call from another guy who said that he's the only white guy who watched the Oprah Winfrey Legend's Ball thing. The caller tried to explain what he was talking about but Howard didn't know why he was arguing with him and hung up on him.
Howard said that it looks like Andrea did something to her teeth because they're big and white. Andrea said she had them done before the last time she was on. He asked her to try and close her mouth and she wasn't able to do that. She said it was because she was smiling but Howard thought they were too big.
Andrea said that she wants to become an actress and she knows that all of the guys on the show might laugh at her. She went on to say that she would like to do voice overs and things like that. Howard told her that she should be a stripper or a porn star because the acting thing isn't going to happen. Gary came in and said that she's taking acting lessons in Tennessee instead of moving out to Los Angeles.
Andrea said that she doesn't want to do porn and she wants to try and do what she believes in. Robin told her that there's no work in Chattanooga. She knows that and said she's going to try to go out to California in a couple of weeks. She was also saying that she will not show her body on TV or radio even though she's not ashamed of her body. That's just not her. She's afraid that if she does porn, she won't be able to get a job doing other things like voice overs.
Howard and Robin pointed out that Carmen Electra and Pam Anderson started out doing Playboy so her logic is kind of wrong. Andrea said that she doesn't believe that she'll even live to the age of 30. Howard told her to knock off the bullshit about acting and just get into her panties and get on the Sybian. She said she wanted a job doing voice overs and then she'd get on the machine.
Howard told Andrea that her teeth were ruining her delivery so there's no way she's going to be able to do voice overs. Howard wanted to hear her voice but she needed some lines to read. Howard told her that in an audition she has a few seconds to do some voices. She did a little bit of a ''country voice'' but she didn't have anything to say other than ''Set 'er down'' and a couple of other lines. Howard said that if he were her agent he'd be calling and telling her to get into porn after hearing that.
Joey Boots called in and said that it's about time to get a Miss Howard Stern who will show her tits and get naked. Hook Nose Mike seemed to have a similar suggestion. Tabitha Stevens called in and asked Andrea how she was doing and that led to her talking about how her best friend died on October 5th and her fiancee died a couple of years ago.
Howard said he heard a rumor about KC and Andrea. He asked her if she banged KC. She didn't want to answer and was afraid she was going to get in trouble for it. She eventually admitted that it did happen. She went to a comedy show and ended up doing it with him. There was some other trouble that went on at the comedy show but no one understood what she was talking about.
Tabitha Stevens got back to her questions about how she was doing because she felt like something was going on. It seemed like Tabitha knew something about Andrea that she wasn't revealing. Howard asked her what it was that she wanted to tell him. Tabitha said that she wasn't sure what her problem might be. Andrea eventually came around and said that when she lost her friend Jenna, things went to hell and she's been crying every day. She's been partying a lot more and has been drinking a lot more. She said that she really misses her friend and she copes by drinking.
Andrea said that she doesn't need any help but then she told the guys how much she drinks and basically told them that she's drinking all the time. Howard asked Andrea how she got this private jet flight in this morning. She said that she has a friend who hooked her up with the plane. She said that she doesn't know anything about planes so she didn't know what kind it was. She said she knows a lot of guys with private jets and they just let her fly on them. Howard figured she had to be giving the guy sex or something but she claims that they just give her stuff for no reason.
Andrea said that she feels like they don't know her. She said she doesn't want to be in porn, she doesn't want to sleep with every guy she meets but she did sleep with KC about 8 or 9 times and she was with him at the time he got fired. Howard asked her if he delivered the big orgasm. She said that he didn't and he was very quick in bed.
Gary came in and said that KC gave her permission to talk about anything that happened. He also said he heard that KC borrowed some money from her while they were up at a casino and didn't pay her back. Andrea said he did pay her back and the check cleared.
The guys asked Andrea about what positions KC had her in and stuff like that. She wasn't revealing everything. She kept saying that she didn't remember a lot of what went on. Gary asked her if KC fucks as good as he looks. Andrea said that they're too much alike and it was a big problem and it's like a big bomb blew up. Andrea said that they were drinking at breakfast and things like that. Howard said he didn't understand a thing that was going on there.
Tabitha told Howard that they might need to send Andrea to rehab. Andrea doesn't believe that she needs anything like that. She said that she's been in denial her whole life and she's insane so the last thing she needs to be in is rehab. She said she's happy filming low budget horror movies and things like that. Howard asked her who paid for her huge titties. She said she paid for them herself.
Howard told Andrea that they may have a new Miss Howard Stern contest and asked her if she'd be willing to compete again. She said she already won and doesn't want to compete again. She wants to keep her title and she will prove it to them. Howard gave her a plug for the ''Dorm of the Dead'' movie and then played a clip from the movie. All of the guys clapped and Howard told her that she did a good job. He then told her to get on the Sybian.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from guys. One guy said that she has no talent except what's between her legs. Andrea said that's not where her interest is. Bobo said that he wanted to hear more about Andrea and KC but she wasn't talking. She quickly said that KC broke her belly chain in the shower while they were having sex and then his girlfriend found out about it and they broke up over it.
Andrea wants to go on tour to promote Howard and SIRIUS so Howard said he'd look into something like that as he brushed her off. Another caller said that Andrea is Miss Howard Stern and she should be willing to ride the Sybian. Andrea asked what would happen if she got on the thing. Howard told her that she has to stay on it for more than a second. He told her that to keep her crown, she'd have to ride it. That didn't help. Howard told the guys from In Demand to play the clip of Katie Holmes riding the Sybian. They put something up on the screen but it didn't convince Andrea to ride it.
Howard told Andrea that she doesn't have to ride the Sybian because he said it looked like she was about to cry. Andrea said that she knows that wasn't Katie Holmes on the Sybian and she's not that dumb. Howard gave her another plug for Dorm of the Dead and the web site where you can check it out... Myspace.com/DormOfTheDead. Andrea felt like she was missing something so Artie suggested a ''group hummer'' from her.
Howard told Andrea to let him know when she's ready to retire. She said that would probably be after he retires. They spent a couple more minutes talking after Howard mentioned that Fran Drescher was coming in. He told Andrea that Fran was going to ride the Sybian so Andrea wanted to talk to her about that. Howard wrapped up with Andrea and went to break a short time later.
Howard moved on and talked about Fran Drescher being there. She came walking in a short time later. He said that she looks like she's been working out and lost some weight. He told her she looks pretty today. He's seen her at the gym lately and she doesn't look her best when she's there. He said they've both seen each other at their worst at the gym.
Howard said that Fran was talking to him about how she's going to stop dating the younger guys now and go back to guys her age. Howard thought she was trying to hook up with him and Fran said that she was putting the feelers out there when she made that call. She told Howard he's so lucky that he's found someone like Beth because they look great together and they're both happy.
Howard saw Fran out in L.A. one time and she was with a young guy at the time. Fran said that relationship didn't work out and they eventually broke up. Howard asked Fran why she doesn't join ''The View'' and get someone like Barbara Walters kicked off the show so she can replace her. Fran said that she's busy doing an off-Broadway play right now so she doesn't have time to do The View.
Fran is doing the show with Eric McCormack from ''Will and Grace.'' That's the reason she got into shape and lost 10 pounds. She's appearing in bra and panties in the play. Robin said that she may have to go see the play if Eric is getting in his underwear. Fran told her he does so she may have to go.
Howard asked Fran if she's been shaving off the pubes so she doesn't have any hair sticking out of her panties. She said that she actually got laser hair removal done on her upper thighs so she doesn't have any hair down there now. Howard was surprised to hear that because she was basically saying she has a ''natural'' big bush down there. Howard asked her if there's any grey in that bush. She said there isn't any.
Fran told Howard she dated an Argentinean guy one time and he would do her even if she was on her period. He was into the woman no matter what. Howard told her he'd do her if she was in the middle of her flow too. He went on to tell her that the reason men and women have hair down there is because when humans were still animals, the hair would trap odors and attract the opposite sex to them. Fran said that the hair has to be there to protect the area. Howard asked her if that's the reason for hair then why does she shave her underarm's?
Howard asked Fran about this play she's doing and what that's all about. She spent a minute talking about the play, ''Some Girls,'' and how she has been told that she's very good in it.
Howard asked Fran about dating a guy in the NBA and asked her if it was hard to go back to regular guys after having a huge penis. She said that he wasn't that big, he was just on the larger side of normal. Now she has a fuck buddy and they're just friend so there's no relationship there.
Howard gave Fran a plug for her play and said you can find out more at MCCTheater.org. He took some phone calls after that. Bong Hit Bill asked Fran if she still smokes weed. She said she does once in a while but not that much. Bill took a hit off his bong for her. Hook Nose Mike called in next and said that he wanted to hide his identity as her fuck buddy... He also asked her if she has fuck-you money so she doesn't have to work. She said that she's not in Howard's league but she's doing okay.
Fran was talking about possibly running for a public office so Howard asked her some questions about where she stands on capital punishment. She said that she wanted to tell a story about that. She said that she was doing a play called ''Exonerated'' and after doing the play for a while she thought about it and figures that there are some people out there who were wrongly accused. That's the only reason she'd be against the death penalty.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked Fran if she likes anal sex. Fran said that she's not into that and has never tried it. She said she didn't want to get hemorrhoids because she's had them in the past. That's the main reason she'd never do that.
Howard gave Fran another plug and asked her about how she gave Brooke Shields her fertility shot one time. She said that Brooke thought her husband was going to do it for her but he didn't show up on time so she asked her to give the show. She figured she could do it and gave her the shot. Howard asked Fran if she would ever toss a man's salad. She didn't know the term so Howard told her its' when a woman gives oral to a man's ass. She didn't really answer but Fred was throwing in a bunch of fart sound effects.
Howard asked Fran about adopting a child since she's never had one of her own. She said she would consider it but she's really not sure at this point. She said that if the child has a lot of baggage it would be tough. She said she'd have to know about what she was getting into before doing something like that.
Howard asked Fran if she ever uses a vibrator on herself. She said she never does because she doesn't want to desensitize herself. Howard asked her if he's ever ended up in her fantasy as she's pleasuring herself with her fingers. She said that he actually has. She didn't want to get into that with all of those people listening to the show. Howard told her that no one is listening, they're on satellite. Fran started to say that she likes guys to take control but then she cut herself off and said she didn't want to talk about it with him.
Fran said that her psychic told her that she was going to end up with a man who has a lot more money than she does so money would never be an issue for her. Howard figured that if she's consulting a psychic, she must be insane. He gave her one last plug for the play she's appearing in and then wrapped up with her.
After the commercials Howard said that he was letting Artie get in some rest after the break by letting a song play a little long. He said he always looks over at Artie and he's half asleep over there.
Howard wondered why Fran Drescher wouldn't let him in on the fantasy she had about him. Artie was more interested in what kind of money she must be making from The Nanny, it has to be good money. Howard said she has to be doing really well from that.
Howard said that this guy William Bennett has a show on SIRIUS and wondered if he could have more than 2 people listening to him. He said he's also excited about the Catholic channel because it should bring in a lot of subscribers. He said that the church could force their followers to listen to the service. He tried to tune into Bennett's show but they were in commercial break at the time.
JD came in and told Howard which clips he might want to play. He played some of the same clips he played earlier in the morning where the women at the event were chanting ''We speak your name...'' for each of the women being honored. He goofed on them even more than he did earlier in the morning. He said he's never seen such a gaggle of has-beens in one place.
Howard and the guys started doing the ''We Speak Your Name'' thing while talking about each of the Wack Pack members. Howard had the real Siobhan on the phone so he talked to her about finding a guy to bang her. He told her she needs to clean up her apartment the next time they find someone to do that. Siobhan said that she did clean up her apartment. Howard and the guys were doing the ''We Speak Your Name'' with Siobhan but they got disgusted with her when she said she wanted to get a guy to stick his dick in her pussy.
Howard said he had another guy on the phone who claims he wants to bang her but he's not sure he believes it. The guy on the phone said he has a guy in the cleaning department where he works that would bang Siobhan. Siobhan said that she's looking for a boyfriend, not for some guy who just wants to bang her. Howard said that she's nuts and there's no guy out there who will want to date her.
Siobhan was talking about how bad she felt for John when he was sitting in a chair shaking. Howard said that having sex with her is like being led to he ovens at Auschwitz. He asked her if she's looked in the mirror lately. Siobhan doesn't seem to understand that she's not an attractive woman. Howard said that the video from her apartment is very interesting and it will make for a great show on Howard TV.
Garver asked Joe a few other softball questions and then asked him who he thinks is a hot piece of ass in Hollywood. Joe said it would be tough to name just one. He wasn't able to give him a name and said he'd have to get back to him.
Howard said that Joe thought about the question about who he'd like to bang and came back a little later and told Garver that he'd like to fuck Howard's old lady Beth. Pesci said that maybe before Howard and Beth get married she'll let him take a shot at her. Joe also said that he'd like to bang Jessica Simpson sometimes as Garver was wrapping up the interview.
Howard said that Gary Garver also interviewed Anne Marie Johnson who claims that she was on the Tonight Show with Howard. Howard said he didn't remember her but when he started to play her interview he kind of did remember her and said that she was beautiful. Anne Marie told Garver that she doesn't watch Jay now because she doesn't think he's funny. She also said that it was kind of a bad decision for Stuttering John to leave Howard's show to go to Jay's show.
Gary Garver ran into Mark Wahlberg but there wasn't much going on there. Howard played that clip and Mark was saying that he's grown up now and stopped banging all of the chicks he was doing. Garver shared his own struggles with Mark so Mark told him to hang in there.
Gary (Baba Booey) came in and told Howard that he heard that Joe Pesci is a major investor in the play ''Jersey Boys'' and he's making a lot of money off of that show.
The guys talked about how some people will write with a ruler under their hand so each line is perfectly straight. Howard asked Artie what he wrote to Dana. Artie said the letter started off with Dear Dana... He didn't really give the details of what else as in the letter. Howard figured whatever was in there must have worked because he did get Dana back.
Artie asked Howard if he's ever written a letter to Beth. Howard said that he has written stuff in cards and things like that but not really a four page letter like Artie. Artie said that he knew better than to put it on audio or video tape. Gary knows what that's like because they got a hold of his ''take me back'' tape that he made for an old girlfriend. Gary said he should have just denied that he ever made that tape. Artie asked Howard what he would have paid for his tape. Howard told him that would be priceless.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Artie if his letter was a love letter or a cunt letter. Artie asked her not to bring up that event again. Howard hung up on her before she could say anything else.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks he knows what Cabbie's new name is... ''O Qua Tan Zin Wan'' (a Riley Martin reference). That led to Howard playing one of Dan the Song Parody Man's Riley Martin songs... and then the Riley prank call to a guy who got really pissed when he was saying those wacky lines of his like ''O Qua Tan Zin Wan.'' He also replayed the prank call the guys made to a Chinese restaurant using the Riley clips... and then the ''My Name Is... Riley Martin'' song parody. He also mentioned that Riley is back with another show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard said that they're looking for some people to sleep with Blue Iris and anyone interested in doing that can call 888-9-ASSHOLE.
Jon Hein said that they'll be talking about Miss Howard Stern during today's Wrap Up show. Gary came in and said that after her appearance, Andrea started drinking Jack Daniels like crazy. She was going to record some stuff with Richard and Sal but she ended up singing to a country song so he told Howard he had the audio to play. Howard played the song and Howard said he liked it.
Howard had a new voice mail from Wendy the Retard where she was drunk and rambling during her message. In that clip Wendy talks about how she's not stupid and how she can read Howard's mind. She was laughing and not saying much of anything. Howard thought about hooking Wendy and Andrea up to sing together as ''The Ditzy Chicks.'' He had another song that Andrea sang to in the back office so he played that.
Ronnie the Limo Driver said that Andrea was still there so he could bring her back in if they wanted. Howard told him to get her. She got interesting after having a few drinks. Gary thinks that she has a similar cadence as Wendy the Retard does.
Jon Hein said that they'll be talking about Fran Drescher's interview during the show, if they have time since Andrea was coming back in. Howard told John that he has to get out of there early today so they should have a show.
Howard played some of Andrea's karaoke performance from earlier and she started to sing over her own performance. Howard told her she was good and Andrea said ''I know...'' She then told Howard that she tends to lie but always ends up telling the truth. She was saying that she charges $10 for a lap dance but she really charges $40.
Howard asked Andrea to talk more about banging KC so she said that she would get him on the phone right now if they wanted. She was also saying that she wanted to do Richard Christy's hair for him but called him ''Chrissy Richard.'' She then started rambling about her daughter and how she gets custody of her Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday but she's with her father Thursday, Friday and Saturday. She said she doesn't take anything on the days she has her daughter... but she was drunk on Jack Daniels today.
Howard took a call from KC (Richard) who was saying that he banged the crap out of this chick. Andrea knew that it wasn't KC though. Howard and Gary asked her to get on the Sybian and she finally agreed to do it but demanded that Howard give her a job if she doesn't get one with the Cartoon network. She wanted 5 more years as Miss Howard Stern if she rode it. Howard told her that they'd take care of it if she rode it. He said he doesn't care either way.
Howard told Andrea to try and get off on the Sybian but she said that she doesn't have a sex drive these days. They got her on the Sybian but she demanded her Jack Daniels. She downed a big swig of the JD and said that's why she deserves to be Miss Howard Stern. Andrea was yelling about not having the sex drive because of the Lexapro she was taking.
Gary started up the Sybian but Andrea wouldn't stop talking and told Howard to get over there and ride it with her. She hopped off the machine after just a few seconds. She said that she needs a man who really loves her. Gary told her that what she needs to do is shut up. Andrea hopped off the machine again but Howard demanded that she sit back down. They got her to sit for a few seconds but she wanted to make out with Will. She got off the machine again and asked to make out with Howard in the bathroom.
Howard threatened to take away her 5 years of being Miss Howard Stern so she ran over to him and sat on his lap. He told her to go back to the couch and said that she looks great but he looks at her as if she were his sister. Andrea sounded like she was even more drunk than she was when she came in 15 minutes before. She told Howard she loves him but she doesn't want to fuck him.
Andrea was just about falling over in the studio so there was a lot of commotion going on in there. Howard asked Andrea if she's doing coke these days but she never gave him an answer. She asked Howard to do a favor for her and sign a picture for her. He said he would do that but he wanted her to go lay down and take a nap. She said she would do that if he promised her something. She didn't want to leave the studio so Howard just kept asking her questions.
Andrea showed Howard a picture of her best friend who died and said that her death is still under investigation. Howard told her to go rest and tried to get her out of the studio but she was blurting out comments and slurring her words as she did it. Gary eventually led her out of the studio. She was still rambling as she left. Howard said he loves her and he has to renew her contract for 5 more years. He said that he really doesn't want her walking the streets in that condition. Gary said she didn't want to sit still so he wasn't sure he'd be able to get her to rest.
Howard finally had Robin start her news around 10:55. He took some phone calls a little later. One guy said that they should keep an eye on Andrea because of her drinking, another guy said that they should keep her drunk.
Howard read though some e-mail during the news. He said that someone wrote in and suggested that they're enabling Artie to get over weight and drink. Howard said he's not enabling anything. The writer thinks that Artie is self destructing and it's going to upset the fans when they see him dead soon. The writer had seen Artie on Jimmy Kimmel's show with a huge mug of Jack Daniels.
Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 11:20am. Don't forget, Artie is on The Best Damn Sports Show tonight. He suggested that people check their local listings for air time.
Howard started off the show talking about how Rob Zombie and porn star Paris Gables would be on the show today. Paris is willing to do just about anything so they're going to have Jeff Levy the vomit guy come in to get puked on by her.
Howard told Artie that he was listening to some clips of Artie on The Best Damn Sports Show and it got pretty crazy. He played some clips from the show and the hosts asked Artie about what he thinks about OJ Simpson getting his own prank show.
Howard said he had to interrupt that stuff to get to something that happened with Sal yesterday. He was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday saying that the reason that Miss Howard Stern has a half-black child is because she drinks so much. Everyone called him on it during the show and told him that he was racist. He played some audio clips of Sal talking about that stuff with Gary and Jon Hein. Gary told him that he was totally racist by saying that stuff but Sal didn't think he was being racist at all. Gary moved the show along to try and save Sal from digging a deeper hole for himself.
Howard said that Sal was taken out of the studio by Ronnie this morning so he wouldn't hear all of this stuff. He said that in the same show a guy called in to call Sal out on the comments. The guy said that he was basically saying that only an ugly white woman would be with a black man. Sal said that he thinks that the only way Andrea would be with a black man is if she was drunk or on drugs. Sal was digging the hole even deeper with his comments and Jon Hein let him know that.
Sal continued to go on and on so Artie told Howard that they should have let him keep going because he sounded so nuts. Howard said that Gary came and told him about all of that yesterday and said that Sal was going nuts thinking he was going to get fired. They wanted to prank Sal so they were going to have Scott Greenstein call him or something like that.
Gary and Howard had a phony Human Resources person call Sal and tell him that he has to tape an apology. Sal put her on hold and put Gary on the phone. Sal thought it was fake but Gary told him that it was real and put him back on the phone. She told Sal that they needed an apology to be recorded and that he was going to have to go through some sensitivity training.
Gary told Howard that Will told him that the reason Sal handed him the phone was because he got so scared that he didn't know what to say. He also said that Sal came to him later on with the CD with his apology on it so Howard played the apology. Sal made the apology and said that he respects all races and said that he was sorry for what he said on the Wrap Up Show the day before. Artie said the only problem with the apology is that it was too short.
Howard told Gary that they should have him explain all of his comments from the show. He wanted a longer apology. Gary said that Sal was really paranoid about the whole thing and he thinks that he's going to get fired for the whole thing.
Howard had another audio clip of Richard and Sal talking about the whole thing in their office. Sal apparently didn't know that Richard was recording him. Sal said he couldn't believe that all of this was going on and that he was probably going to get fired. He was explaining himself to Richard and Richard said he had his back on the whole thing.
Howard thinks that they should let Sal go through the whole apology thing and play it on the Wrap Up Show before breaking it to him that he's been scammed. He played more of Sal and Richard's conversation and then said that he was going to change gears because Sal was on his way back to his office.
Howard said it was a weird clip to him because the guys were so uncomfortable with the subject. Artie said if you see the video, the guys were laughing, it just doesn't come across like that in the audio. Howard said he thinks it's funny how those guys are afraid to say what they think about OJ. Howard said he only saw a few seconds of that show but it sounded funny.
Howard talked about his parents and how his father really didn't have a lot of interest in his life. He still doesn't ask about how the kids are doing or anything like that. He gets filtered information through his mother instead.
Artie said that he really likes this show ''Rescue Me'' with Dennis Leary because they have a Charles Durning playing his father and when they speak on the phone, they have subtitles where they show what they mean when they're talking to each other. He said the father will say something about the Mets and the subtitle will say something like ''I love you son, it's good to hear from you...'' That's almost what Howard was saying his father seems to be doing when he calls and talks about anything but his family or loving him.
Howard suggested that they have Sal apologize to Robin since she's black. She suggested that they have one of the security guards call him out on it as well. Howard tuned back into the Sal and Gary thing and Sal was in the middle of recording his new apology. Sal was stumped and didn't know what to say. Richard was in the room with him and tried to help him out a little bit.
Sal was apologizing for the comments he made and said that he was just making a joke. Howard, Artie and Robin were all laughing as they listened in. Sal said ''sincerely'' a bunch of times while he was recording the apology. He was unaware that Howard was listening to the live recording session. Howard wanted to go to break and wanted to cut off the feed but he tuned back in. He asked Scott how he could cut that feed off because it was coming out through Fred's board.
Howard said that the recording session had better be getting recorded. He then asked Scott to put it back on but it wasn't happening so he was going to give up. Artie said that this is why the show is so funny and it really should win some kind of award because it is so fuckin' funny.
Howard went to the live feed again and Richard was telling Sal not to let this stress him out so much. Sal said he knew that this was going to end up being blown out of proportion even more. Howard told Scott to kill it again because Sal may have been listening in. Howard asked Scott to cut it off a bunch of times and eventually went to commercial break.
Sal explained that he made some comments about Miss Howard Stern and her daughter and now he's been asked to record an apology for the comments he made. Howard told Sal that he didn't want to waste time with this crap, he just wants him to apologize to Robin and get him out of here.
Sal said that he's gotten about 4 phone calls from Human Resources and it's driving him crazy. He said that he didn't know that he was making racist comments. Howard pretended that he had no idea what was going on and asked Sal what he was saying on the air. Sal explained to Howard and Robin that he made comments about Miss Howard Stern yesterday when he saw her walking down the hall during the Wrap Up Show. Sal insisted that it was just a joke but Gary said that it didn't sound like a joke when he was saying it.
Howard told Sal that it was all a goof and they had the audio of the call that 'Human Resources' made to him. Sal asked how all of that happened and how the scam unfolded. Howard told Sal they had everything recorded so he went through the whole joke. Artie told Sal that he did say something racist and just because this was a scam doesn't mean that it wasn't racist.
Howard played the audio from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Sal made the comments about drugs and alcohol led to Miss Howard Stern having a half-black baby. Gary and Jon called him out on it immediately but Sal didn't think his comments were racist. Howard told Sal that he's a ''fuckin' retard.'' He then played the audio from the Wrap Up Show where Sal was defending his comments to a phone caller.
Howard asked Sal if he really thinks his comments were reasonable. Sal said that the subject wasn't the black thing, it was all about the drugs and alcohol. Howard went on to play the clip of Sal getting the call from Human Resources and handing the phone over to Gary because he was so freaked out. He was asked to record an apology for his comments during that call.
Howard said that Sal went in and recorded the apology which is what they played earlier in the morning. Howard told Sal that the apology wasn't good enough so they had him record another one. Howard played his first one where Sal said that he has respect for all races. Artie got a laugh out of that one.
Howard played the audio where Richard recorded a conversation he had with Sal about the apology. Sal didn't know he was being recorded at that time so he got pissed at Richard. They were talking about trying to get Howard to extend the show until noon so they wouldn't have to play the apology on The Wrap Up Show. Sal was also talking about his black friends and how he really doesn't think his comments were racist.
Howard said that they told Sal that he had to re-cut that apology. He started to play the second apology but he wanted the raw feed from the studio as Sal was recording it. Gary said he would get that for him in a minute. Richard was working on it so Howard spent a minute talking to Sal about the whole thing. Robin heard that Sal started to cry but Sal said he did get teary eyed but didn't actually cry.
Howard got the audio feed from when Gary told Sal that he had to re-record the apology. Sal was going nuts when he heard that the first one wasn't good enough. Gary was telling Sal that he should have just fessed up and admitted that he was being racist. Sal talked to Richard about how much bullshit the apology was. Then he went into the recording of the apology.
Howard played the second apology and as soon as Sal said ''Hi, this is Sal Governale...'' Artie started to laugh. Sal explained his joke about white women not having sex with black women unless they're drunk was just a joke. Robin said that had to be one of the worst apologies she's ever heard. Howard told Sal that he was a douche bag and he should have let the joke keep going for a week.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Sal that he's a dick head for not realizing that he was being scammed again. Another guy said that in the past Howard would have dragged this on for five days. He's in a different place now and couldn't keep dragging it out.
Ralph called in and goofed on Sal's ''Hi, this is Sal Governale'' comment. Howard said it was like a general manager getting on the air to apologize for something that happened on the air. One of the callers had suggested that Sal go down to Shade 45 and apologize to them for his comments. Howard said that would have been funny. Jessica Hahn called in and said that Mutt from SternFanNetwork.com shut down the site so Sal couldn't read about what was going on.
Jessica also asked Howard if Mutt could get in on the Artie Roast. Howard said that they only have 30 chairs and it's kind of ridiculous how many people want to get in on that. Even Artie asked for six tickets. Gary told Howard that a bunch of people have been requesting seats and they just don't have enough seats for the roast.
Howard got back to Sal's apology clip and replayed it. Everyone was laughing at Sal's explanation for his comments. Howard said they really should have sent Sal down to Shade 45 to apologize. Bob Levy called in and said that this was the greatest day of his life. He said that Sal called him yesterday and he was crying to him about what was going on. He said it would have been great if they had sent him down to Shade 45 to apologize.
Sal thanked everyone for goofing on him. Howard told him to go down to Shade 45 and just apologize anyway. He wanted to hear the aborted apology that he started to record during the second recording session. Gary said they were trying to find it but it was going to take a minute. Howard replayed the first apology and continued to goof on him about the whole thing.
Robin and Howard were asking Sal about his thoughts on Andrea and if he really believes that she would never have slept with a black guy if she hadn't used booze and drugs. Sal said he really doesn't know. Sal started to dig himself even deeper and said he would never have sex with a Chinese person because he's not into them... but he likes them in general. He said he likes Chinese food and Chinese people. Howard went right into his apology tape again.
Howard asked Sal if he really thinks that the only reason for a white woman to sleep with a black man is because she's on drugs and alcohol. Sal said he was just making a joke based on statistics. No one knew what statistics he was talking about though.
Howard got a hold of the aborted apology that Sal had made during that recording session. Sal had started to explain himself but bailed out on it halfway through. Howard then went into a song about crying and played some of Sal's apology over the song. They were goofing on Sal's ''Hi, this is Sal...'' comment and saying that it was the voice he puts on when he's bullshitting people.
Sal apologized to everyone as Howard was wrapping up the segment. Fred played Sal's ''Shake'' rap song as he was leaving.
Lisa also said that Miss Howard Stern was on the show yesterday and the guy who flew her in got so annoyed with her that he left her out on the street. Dan the Song Parody Man and Zolar came to her rescue and picked her up. Howard and the guys thought that was pretty funny.
Lisa also said that they're going to have a report about ''the different sides of Will.'' She also got in a plug for the Intern Show that airs tonight at 7pm. They've discovered that a couple of the interns have already hooked up and they'll have more on that later.
Howard said that they should have put Sal in a limo and sent him down to Harlem to apologize to some blacks and Puerto Ricans. He said that the whole thing was so great. He took a call from a guy who said that he has a black wife and Sal offended him. Howard asked him if he was drinking when he met his wife. The guy said 'no' to that and said that he's also attracted to Robin.
Another caller had some Eric the Midget jokes for Howard but Howard hung up on him after about 10 seconds of no laughs. That got Howard on the subject of American Idol. He said that he would have no desire to go see Taylor Hicks in concert and he'd base his vote on that alone even though Simon Cowell bashed Katherine McPhee. Howard said he'd rather go see her in concert because she's a woman and she looks okay. He said she does need to lose about 15-20 pounds but she'd be a lot hotter if she did that.
Howard had a few comments about last night's show. He said he felt bad for Ben Stiller when he saw him sitting in the audience. Tori Spelling was also in the audience and she didn't look so good.
Gary came in and told Howard that their next guest was in the green room pleasuring herself with a vibrator to prepare for her appearance. He was also saying that she was willing to do anything for the show. She was even willing to eat dog food out of High Pitch Eric's ass. Gary said they asked her if she would take their booger eyebrows and she was even up for that. Will said that she won't eat poo and she won't bang midgets.
The midget thing came up and that led to the guys asking if there are midgets in the animal world. Robin said that most abnormal things in nature aren't allowed to live so they'd probably die off.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was watching Katie Couric on the Today Show this morning and she did the ''W NNNnnnn BC'' thing from Howard's movie and when she told everyone where she got that from, the audience all laughed as if she had said something dirty.
Gary went into the green room and asked their guest Paris Gables if she would let someone pee on her. She said that if he had a test she would do it. He asked her if she would let someone defecate on her. That she wouldn't do. Howard asked her if they could burn her hair off. That was a no as well. Gary asked if they could smoke pot out of her ass. That was fine with her as long as they blew it back into her face. Howard told her that they'd be getting to her after the commercial break and then went to commercial.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Baltimore Aquarium has a midget dolphin and the thing is about 3 feet long and has a 15 inch penis. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy because he had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard saw that Brad Pitt was caught taking Angelina Jolie's kid for a bike ride with the kid on his back pappose style. People are now saying that it was wrong taking the child out like that so he figures that Brad must be just about fed up with Angelina and her kids. He can't imagine why Brad would get stuck in a relationship like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had watched the Country Music Awards because something had gone on with Kelly Clarkson. The guy's cell phone connection cut out so Howard had to hang up on him before he got to his point.
Another caller talked to Howard about a song that was playing when they came out of break. It was a cover done by the band Tool from their album ''Salival.'' That got Howard talking about how Tool pulled out of putting ''No Quarter'' on his Private Parts soundtrack album and that left him with an 11 minute hole in the soundtrack because they pulled out at the last minute.
Gary said he remembers how pissed off Howard got back then and how he wouldn't let the guy, Maynard, from Tool come in to promote his new band, A Perfect Circle, when they had some new stuff out a few years ago. Fred said he had a version of the song that Howard was talking about. Howard said that the song was great and he didn't even want them to cut down the 11 minute song for the soundtrack. He said the song was really good and he remembers going into the basement to listen to it when he got a copy back then.
Howard said that the soundtrack would have been amazing if they had that song on the soundtrack and he would have put that one out as the single if it had gotten on there. They played a couple of minutes of that song and had some fun goofing on the lyrics since they were kind of muffled in the song. Fred said that he thought it sounded like a Jack-in-the-box speaker.
Howard said that Jeff Levy the vomit guy was there to get puked on by Paris. She's going to puke on him and then eat it off of him. She said she's actually done that before. She said that she was giving a really rough blow job and ended up throwing up on the guy so she just ate it off of him.
Paris said that her mother used to make her listen to Howard's show when she was a little kid. She grew up fine and went to college in Santa Barbara. She said that if she hadn't gone to school there she probably wouldn't have gotten into porn. She said that college there was like porn boot camp for her.
Paris was telling Howard that she has eaten live earthworms before but she puked them back up so she wouldn't kill them. Howard read that she can put her own fist in her ass and she's done some ''blow-bang'' movies. Paris said that it's not that easy to put your fist in your ass. She said that the thumb is the toughest part of getting it in there.
Robin asked Paris if she's making good money doing what she does. She said that she does make good money but didn't want to say exactly how much she makes. Howard wanted to know if she made at least $100,000 a year but she would only say that it depends on what she's doing.
Howard was having trouble getting any information out of Paris. He asked her about having sex with a guy who calls himself Mandingo and if it hurt. She said that it only hurt her pussy because her ass can spread so much more than her vagina.
Gary asked Paris why she was warming up in the green room with the vibrator. She said she wasn't sure if she was going to be riding the Sybian today or not so she was getting ready for that. She wanted to ride it so Howard was going to have her do that before she puked on Jeff Levy.
Howard played a clip from ''Extreme Teen 37'' where Paris was blowing a guy and after he finished, she puked it back up. Howard wondered who likes to see stuff like that. Gary said that Sal would probably watch it and say that he likes it because it humiliates the chick in the movie. He likes stuff like that.
Howard asked Paris how many times a day she jerks off. She said ''lots'' and sometimes it's 5 or 6 times a day. She said she just did it last night in the bathroom. Artie heard that and said ''let's fuck...''
Howard had the guys bring in Jeff Levy so they could meet. This was his first appearance on satellite radio. Howard told Jeff that he's the most disgusting guest he's ever had on the show and he thinks there's something deeply wrong with him. Jeff said that his puke thing is just a fetish and it's not all that strange to him. He said he wants to be the coach of girls vomiting.
Howard said that Jeff looks like a slightly retarded Vin Diesel. Jeff said he doesn't think he's in that bad of shape. He also told Howard that this is a normal thing down in Brazil and he's seen many movies from Brazil where guys get Roman Showers from women.
Jeff said that he has a girlfriend who he doesn't have sex with... Howard wondered why he would have a relationship with someone he doesn't have sex with. Jeff said he's made a commitment to her and he takes her out on dates and stuff but she won't puke on him or anything like that.
Howard told Jeff that Paris was willing to puke on him and then eat it off of him. Jeff seems to be very happy with that offer. He doesn't think that he can get aroused in the studio for that but he would give it a try. Howard asked Paris if she was ready to go. She said ''I think so...'' Jeff offered to stick his finger in her mouth but she said she would just fist her own throat to make herself puke.
Howard asked Paris if she was into this. She said it was pretty hot that someone is that into seeing her puke. Artie said he would try to watch but he usually turns away after the puking starts. Howard had the guys get into place and described Jeff's belly hanging over his pants.
Paris was going to stay in her clothes but the In Demand guys thought that she should get naked. Sal came in with a plastic dildo for her to use to make herself puke. Jeff told her to start off wherever she wanted and spread it down his body as she puked. Paris said that she had eaten some pretzels, beer and coffee for breakfast so she was ready to puke.
Paris got naked and Howard said he liked her little boobs. Gary said they were nice too. He asked her if she was going to get implants. She said she likes them the way they are so she's going to leave them alone. Paris got right into the puking and stuck the dildo down her throat. She puked up something but she's not very loud when she does it. It just sounded like a gurgling noise coming out of her mouth.
Gary was dry heaving and refused to look at it because he was going to throw up. He was choking and coughing, then Richard threw up on Jeff. Howard was laughing his ass off and so was Jeff. Paris said that the salad that she ate on the airplane yesterday actually came up. She couldn't believe that it hadn't digested yet.
Howard asked Jeff if he got excited during the puking. Jeff said he did. Richard told Howard he was watching in his studio so he ran in and gave Jeff a little extra. Jeff said he was surprised by that but he didn't really mind it. Howard wanted to wrap Jeff up in plastic and get him out of there.
Paris wasn't going to lick that up off of him because it was warm... but she went right in and started to lick it up. Richard started to puke again so Howard was laughing his ass off. Paris was grossed out by that so she puked again herself. Will was dry heaving after seeing all of that.
Jeff was asking for women to contact him if they want to vomit on him. Paris said that she could urinate on Jeff if he was into that too. Howard asked her to please not do that. He took a phone call from a guy who said that this was pretty gross. Howard had to wrap up after that and said he wasn't going to have Paris ride the Sybian. He went to break right after that.
Howard said he finds the whole thing hysterical. He said he loves listening to Jeff talking about the vomit and watching the girl puke on him. He read through his commercial after that and then came back from break.
After the break Howard played a clip from The Today Show where Katie Couric reference the WNBC thing from Private Parts. Howard said it's great when news people try to be funny and come across as jerks. He said that it was like they couldn't mention the name of the movie for some reason. Artie asked what about Katie makes her worth millions of dollars.
Robin said she was just starting to believe in Riley until he translated that line. Howard played more from Riley's show where he talked about being educated by the aliens. His on-air partner, Curtis, steered him in that direction. Howard said he loves that guy too. Riley was talking about his memory being ''uplinked'' and the symbols that he creates are downloaded from that uplink.
Riley was saying that he draws the symbols in ink because he doesn't make any mistakes while drawing them. Howard said that of course he doesn't make a mistake, he's just making the stuff up as he goes along and they look like they were drawn by a 4 year old.
Howard said that Riley is too much. He had a new song parody about him that he went right into after that. They had a bunch of Riley's ''O Qua Tan Zin Wan'' sayings thrown into the song. Howard played a couple of the songs that Dan the Song Parody Man has put together using those clips. Howard also played ''My Name Is... Riley Martin'' since Robin said that's her favorite.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had a queasy stomach after listening to that last segment. Howard asked him if he found it funny because he finds it really funny. The caller said he may never eat again after hearing that. Artie said that it's not his cup of tea but it is kind of interesting that the guy is into that stuff.
Howard took a vote and asked the caller if he ever wanted to hear that kind of thing again. That caller said 'no.' Another caller said it was gold and they should keep doing it. He likes when he hears Howard laughing in the background while the puking is going on. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. She said she hates the vomiting but she's fascinated by Jeff. She gave a reluctant 'yes.' Bobo was on the phone next so Howard asked him what he thought. Bobo thinks that Jeff should be locked up in an institution.
Another caller gave them a 'no' and Howard said that was 4 no's and 2 yes's. He took another call and that guy gave him another 'yes' vote. He said that when Howard is laughing, it's always good. Ralph gave them another 'yes' because Artie's impression is killer.
Riley Martin was on the phone so Howard asked him what he thought about the vomiting. Riley had no idea what they were talking about so he didn't vote. Howard brought up the prank call that Sal made to his show and Riley was saying that he still translated that language which is an ancient language. Riley claims he knew that it was a prank call.
Riley was complaining about the pay he's getting for doing his show so Howard told him to go get on another station if he doesn't like it. Riley said he loves Howard but regardless of what he thinks, someone will give him a chance doing a show somewhere. He said that they're cheap bastards and won't even pay for his parking. Howard asked him why he does the show then. Riley said that if he would just give him some interest off the money he makes from working there, he could afford to pay his people. Riley said that he just wants the money he pays to fix his hair and that would be plenty. There were a bunch of anti-Semitic remarks in his complaints as well.
Riley said that he didn't think that someone who is getting paid $600 million would give him some money to do a great show there. Howard said the reason he has that money is because he doesn't give him the money. Howard told Riley that no one is paying to hear Riley's show and it is a pay service so they can't afford to pay him if he's not bringing in listeners.
Riley sounded very pissed and just wanted them to take care of his parking. Howard told Riley that he's going to put his show on a separate channel and charge people $1 to hear his show. He also told Riley that the line of bullshit he's feeding to people isn't fooling anyone. No one is buying into that stuff.
Riley said that the amount that they're paying him is $200 a show. He said that his crew are getting $150 per show. Howard thought the $200 was pretty good and much more than it was worth. Howard said that's for one hour a week and it's pretty good pay. He told Riley that he should be paying him $200 a week.
Howard told Riley that his new deal from now on is that he owes him $200 instead of getting paid that money. Riley told Howard to take the show and shove it in his ass. Riley was very pissed off and wanted Howard to give him some of his $600 million instead of taking $200 a week from SIRIUS. If the deal was wrong Riley shouldn't have taken it from Tim. Riley said he didn't have much of a choice.
Howard told Riley that when he got into radio he was making $96 a week. He should be happy for getting $200 for a 1 hour show. Riley was going off on both Howard and Robin so Howard asked him what kind of pay he's looking for. Riley wasn't saying because he was still going off on them.
Gary told Riley that he gets to plug his book and all of the other stuff from his web site so that's a form of payment as well. Riley said that he needs money to print books though. Gary said that when he sells books he gets money so that's bullshit.
Howard said that if Riley were getting an audience he would sell copies of his book and some symbols. Riley was claiming he hadn't sold any at that point so his show must not be that popular. Howard asked Riley if he's going to have the aliens destroy the SIRIUS satellites because of this. Riley said that he doesn't have anything against Howard and he wishes him luck... but he is Riley Martin, a phenomena like never before.
Riley said that if he doesn't deserve a raise, then don't give it to him. Howard asked him if $205 per show would work. Riley asked Howard if 205 days would work for him. That wasn't making any sense to Howard. Tim Sabean came in and said that the deal was fine last night when they shook hands on it. It was a 2 month deal that they agreed upon. He's not sure what went wrong after that. Riley was saying that if they want to treat him like that then they should just let him go. Howard said there was no obligation for him to stay so if he wants to leave, he can leave.
Howard took some phone calls from some people who thought Riley was out of his mind for asking for more. Riley said that's fine, let them come out against him. Bob Levy called in and told Riley that he gets $1000 per show because he made a ''secret Jew deal with Howard.'' Howard asked Tim what he wanted to do here. Riley said that he was bringing him the numbers he was looking for doing the show so he should pay him for that.
Riley said that he's going broke and he needs more money. Howard said that he was going broke either way so paying him should be helping him out. Riley asked Howard if he wanted him to walk away from all of this stuff. Howard said that's up to him. Riley was asking for retroactive pay and a contract. That's what he wants to stay on there.
Gary said that Riley sold 3 of those symbols of his to 3 people there at the station. Riley said that he got $40 from Jim McClure and that paid for his parking. He's going to send that money back to Jim when he gets the chance. Howard interrupted Riley and played the latest song parody for him that was to the tune of ''Lady Marmalade.''
Captain Janks told Riley that he's been calling the show for 20 years and hasn't made a cent and you don't hear him complaining. Riley told Janks that he has 205 days and he should mark that on his calendar. He told all of those ''motherfuckers'' to get together and wait to be killed by the aliens.
Ralph called in and said that maybe Riley should sell a t-shirt or something. Riley said that it costs money to create t-shirts and called Ralph a ''dork.'' Everyone thought that he could come up with something and sell it for a profit. Riley said that he has no money to create that stuff. Gary said that he would put up the money for the t-shirts if he could get 80 percent of the profits. Riley wasn't interested in that deal either.
Robin tried to talk to Riley but he wasn't listening to her, he was just calling her a bitch and asking for more money. Tim asked if this means that there will be no show in 2 weeks. Robin told Riley that if he wants to sell his show to someone else, then he should go do it. Tim told Riley that they would work this out later on. Riley told him to get in gear and make it happen. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard talked to Rob about the movies he's made over the years and how well ''Devil's Rejects'' worked out for him. Rob was saying that he was going to do an animated film next and Paul Giamatti did a voice for that one. Howard asked why he wasn't asked to do a part in it. Rob said he hadn't asked yet. Howard told him he wasn't available.
Howard said Will did a pre-interview with Rob and Rob was saying that Rob had crashed into a cow recently. Rob said that wasn't true, but the story was from about 20 years ago. He didn't do the pre-interview with Will. Rob told Howard the story and said that he sometimes makes stuff up for interviews. (my satellite cut out so I missed part of the cow story).
Howard asked Rob if he heard the Stone Phillips clip where he sang to Katie Couric. Rob said he actually saw it live. Howard replayed the audio he had from that uncomfortable moment and asked Rob if he's ever sung to someone like that. Rob told Howard that he never did anything like that when he was in school. Howard asked him what the gayest song was that he's ever sung in the shower. Rob said that there were probably many songs like that back in the 70s when he was growing up.
Artie said that he once sang an Anne Murray song in the shower. He sang a little bit of ''I Just Fall in Love Again'' for the guys. He kept going and sang half the song. Artie said he became Ann Murray during that performance and tucked his dick between his legs to sing it in the shower.
Howard said there are some gay songs that he sings in the shower as well. He said he sings some Carpenters stuff and awful songs like that. Rob was telling Howard that he felt like he may have jumped the shark when he did a song with Lionel Ritchie for the soundtrack of his movie.
Howard asked Rob about his new album ''Educated Horses'' and how that's going. Rob said he thinks it's his best but he's so out of the loop with the newer bands out there that he's not sure if it's very contemporary. Howard wondered where Rob's wife was at. He didn't bring her in today. Howard said he likes when she's there. He asked Rob if he signed a pre-nup before he married her. Rob said he didn't so Howard was kind of surprised by that.
Howard asked Rob what he does during the day when he's at home. Rob said that he's got a lot of stuff going on so he's staying busy with work. Howard went on to Rob's latest song ''American Witch'' from his new album ''Educated Horses.'' He had trouble finding it on his computer so Gary had to point it out to him. They got a little sidetracked when Howard asked Rob if he watched American Idol. Rob said he did watch it but he didn't get so un-cool that he voted. They spent a couple of minutes talking about the show and then got to Rob's new song.
Rob said that he got the idea for the song after reading a book that had a chapter about ''the last of the American Witch.'' It was about witches who were killed up in Salem, Massachusetts. Howard asked him if he's into devil worship or anything like that. Rob said he's not into that and he's not into any type of religion at this point.
Howard asked Rob about going to school and if he was able to get laid when he was in high school. Rob said he did nothing in school but he was able to get laid. He wasn't that big of a loser.
A phone caller told Rob that he had to thank him because after listening to one of his songs one time, he got the courage to beat the crap out of someone. He said that the song got him so revved up that he was able to get worked up enough to beat the crap out of this guy after putting on a ski mask. The guy owed him $200 and ripped him off so that's why he had to beat the crap out of him. He said he just went for the guy's knee caps and got his money back.
Howard started to wrap up with Rob but Robin asked him if he's ever going to have kids. Rob said he's not into kids and has no desire to have any. He said that his wife isn't interested either so they're fine without any. Rob said that his brother had a kid and that sealed the deal for them. He said his nephew may like him in about 14 years but right now he just looks at him like he's scared of him. Howard noticed that Rob hadn't cursed on the air there so he asked him if he wanted to use the C-word. Rob said that his wife likes to say ''Jesus fucking cunt'' when she curses so he got in those couple of curses before Howard went to commercial break.
After the break Howard talked about how great Riley was on the show earlier in the morning. The whole show was pretty intense. Howard said that Riley was a bit anti-Semitic today and he may have to apologize to the human resources department.
Howard wondered if Riley knows that he's full of shit or of he's been saying all of this stuff so long that he actually believes it. Howard said the guy who must believe it is that guy Curtis who follows him around. Gary came in to talk about this chick who came up to the studio with Riley yesterday and he was wearing one of Riley's head bands on her head. He said it looked like they were in some kind of cult together. That led to Howard talking about this woman who used to claim she had Ramthar channeling through her. He said that she seems to have disappeared and she probably ran out of town to escape the real news reporters who could have exposed her for being a big phony.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was all pissed off at Riley for what he did earlier. Howard said that Riley may be looking for a pay day and he's expecting it from him apparently. The caller said that maybe the Aliens could hook Riley up with some money or he could sell some of their technology to make some money. Howard said he thinks that he won't do that because he was never actually abducted by aliens.
Artie said that if Riley would just admit that he was bullshitting them, maybe they'd give him some money. Right now he's just trying to get the word out about his nonsense and he's trying to convince people that he's for real.
Another caller told Howard that Riley is great on the air but he would never pay extra for his show. He also told Artie not to go to therapy unless Dana goes with him. Artie said that he did that once and the therapist was a broad so he felt a bit ganged up on. Howard also went to therapy with his wife but it ended up being right across the street from a modeling agency so there were tons of hot chicks walking around. He said his whole life is funny and crazy like that.
Howard brought up how he had this designer bring him some crocodile skinned frames recently and that led to some controversy so he got rid of them. Then she brought in some new ones that were $3,000 a piece... because they were made of ivory. Howard said that's even worse than the other frames. She packed them right back up and said that she was going to have someone make the frames with regular old leather instead.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks she could kick Oprah's ass in a fight. He said that someone brought that up on SternFanNetwork. Robin wasn't sure about that but said that she might be able to work herself up enough to beat the crap out of her.
Howard talked about Oprah and how she gets herself so made up that she's unrecognizable when she's not in make up. He said that she's a hideous monster without make-up. She looks beautiful in make-up and horrible without it and if she wants to keep that illusion going, she shouldn't show herself without the make-up.
Howard got a note from this guy John who tried to get it up to bang Siobhan the transsexual. John said that he wants to try again to bang Siobhan after failing on Monday. Howard wondered if he should give the guy another shot. Robin said that maybe they should do it in a hotel room with porn on the TV. Howard said that could work out to a weekly program where the guy tries to bang Siobhan. In the letter John said that he would hate to see someone else succeed where he failed and wants to give it another try.
George Flowers gave his Howard 100 News preview and mentioned the stories that Lisa G mentioned earlier plus a couple of other things they'd be covering throughout the day on Howard 100 News.
Jon Hein gave a quick rundown of what they had coming up on the Wrap Up Show today. They'll be going over the Sal prank can how that all came about. He said that they'll try to find out if Sal is really a racist.
Steve the Intern gave his quick preview of what they had coming up on The Intern Show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Steve Grillo will be making an appearance on the show. That mention led to the guys goofing on Steve for a couple of minutes.
Howard wrapped up with those guys and had Robin start her news... it was 10:55 by that time. She hadn't even started the news before Howard interrupted and said that he got a picture from a fan who said that Jackie the Joke Man is dating this chick in the picture. Howard said that if that's the chick that Jackie is dating, he's doing very well for himself. He said that they have to get to the bottom of that and find out if she's actually dating him and if she knows that he's no longer on the show.
Howard took a call during the news from a guy who suggested that they rename Riley Martin to ''Riley Martling'' since he's demanding more money like Jackie used to. Howard thought that was a pretty good idea. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started off the morning asking if anyone saw Rob Zombie on Letterman last night. No one did. Howard was up watching American Idol. Artie said he tried to watch some of it but he was busy with the Yankee game. His mother was happy that Taylor Hicks won though. Howard wasn't happy and he thinks that Simon controlled that by announcing that Taylor was the best the night before. Howard thinks that the judges kind of steer the voting through the whole season. He talked about how Taylor was the favorite on all of the gambling web sites out there because he was never in the bottom three during the votes.
Howard said that Taylor Hicks wasn't all that great and he thought that Katherine McPhee did a great job with Meatloaf when she performed her duet with him. Howard said that the one person who will be pissed is Eric the Midget. They gave Eric her phone number and now Gary is feeling bad about that.
Howard said that if you own a record company and you have to put up millions of dollars for a star, do you pick Katherine McPhee or the grey haired guy. The guys spent some time talking about that. Howard said that he would go for the chill factor and Kelly Clarkson and Katherine McPhee gave him that feeling when he saw them. He would put his money on Katherine McPhee to back if he owned a record company guy.
Howard was also saying that the bald headed guy will probably sell more records than any of the finalists or the winner. Gary said he saw two of the gayest things last night. Howard said he knew that one of them was probably David Hasslehoff crying at the end of American Idol. He also said that Clay Aiken coming out and singing. Gary said that he hasn't looked gayer than he did last night.
Howard said the saddest moment last night was watching Prince having to go on that show and pretend that he's still Prince. He did some great songs in the past and now he's stuck doing that show. He said that the greatest moment last night was the red carpet show where Jillian Barberie and her crew were out interviewing people. He said that Jillian looked good even though her fat was hanging over her pants. He said that over Jillian's head was Melrose Larry Green who was switching hats the whole time. Howard was transfixed on Melrose switching his hats and he must have been thrilled the whole time because he was on camera the whole time.
Howard said that it was Ralph who pointed out the pre-show to him so he had to tune in and watch it. Robin said that's really gay to watch the pre-show. Howard said that no one feels like a loser on that show because they all get signed to record deals. He said they really need to have some losers on that show. Gary asked what happened to Ruben Studdard because he seems to have disappeared.
Howard was saying that Carrie Underwood looks great these days. She lost some weight and now looks good to him. Gary said that the women on The View were complaining about how people see these kids on American Idol and think they have to lose weight. Howard said he ran into a woman the other day who he knew from years ago who lost 140 pounds after getting her stomach stapled. Howard thinks that he needs that so he doesn't have to work so hard to lose weight.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Katherine McPhee lost the show because of a report they did about her the other night. Gary said that he thought she may have looked a little cunty on that special but he said she doesn't come across like that. She called them back after he left a message for her and she seemed very nice.
Howard and the guys talked about the celebrities that have been showing up in the audience at American Idol. Robin said she saw David Borianis in the crowd. Howard said he ran into David up there at SIRIUS the other day. Jon Hein said that he saw Ben Stiller and Heather Locklear in the audience and it seemed like it was an apology for having Ben stuck in the back the night before.
Robin said she read that David Spade is back to dating Heather Locklear. Howard mentioned that David Spade still hasn't called him back since he got pissed off at him. He said he thinks their friendship may be over.
Howard said he liked the way they paired the kids up with rock bands on American Idol last night. He thought it was a great idea. Jon Hein said that he thought that if Katherine sang as well two nights ago as she did last night, she would have won.
Howard said that he didn't see all of ''Lost'' last night so he doesn't know how it ended. Robin said she stayed up and watched the whole thing and it was a great finale. They actually did answer some questions about the show. Howard was pissed that they started off the finale with a one hour recap show.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy asked what's up David Hasslehoff's ass that he would cry the way he did. Howard said there's something wrong with that guy. Howard admits it's gay to watch American Idol but it's even gayer to be in the audience.
Howard said he loves that this is going on and his audience is coming out in spades and putting SIRIUS over the top. That led to Howard talking about how he's heard that terrestrial radio is getting worse and worse and he can't imagine working in that business anymore. He said that he's heard that Free FM keeps cutting stuff out of the shows and they can't even get bits on the air.
Howard read an article (XM Satellite trims 2006 subscriber forecast) about XM lowering it's estimates and said that some of the reports are saying that it's because of him being on SIRIUS.
Howard said he had other things that he wanted to talk about other than American Idol. A caller told Howard that he's kind of bummed that they haven't been airing certain things on Howard TV like John Stamos and Wilmer Valderrama's interviews. Howard said they'll eventually get on but they do have to edit certain things out.
Benjy said that the Stamos thing, they wanted to put in some clips from some of the shows that he's been on and edit in pictures and stuff. Howard said that's what's going on with the Siobhan thing because they have extra footage they're going to edit in.
Howard said he's been going around singing this song that Sal the Stockbroker wrote. He can't get it out of his head. He played the song which is to the tune of Nickleback's ''Photograph'' and it's about his wife getting fat and stuff like that. Howard said that he can only remember the first line in the song but that's what's rattling around in his head.
Eric called them back after the prank call and complained that someone was prank calling him and he didn't like it. He also said that he can tell when someone is pranking him and they should just stop because it's not funny. Eric said that it's ridiculous and Howard is going to hear about it tomorrow.
Sal just keeps digging the hole deeper and deeper. Howard asked Sal if he's ever given any money to charity himself. Sal said he hasn't but he was trying to say that there are a lot of Jews out there who don't give their money to charity. Gary told Howard that Jon Hein is Jewish and he was wondering if Sal realized that this cheap Jew drives him home every day.
Howard played the apology that they had Sal record during the scam yesterday. That led to some of the guys taking those clips and prank calling some shows. Richard called a TV talk show that he's called quite a bit lately and told her that he was feeling kind of bad about the prank calls. He calls in as ''Rusty'' and had his friend Sal apologize to her. He played the tape of Sal apologizing and she thought it was real. Artie and Howard were laughing their asses off when they heard it. Howard said that woman is really annoying and won't shut up when she has something good going on.
Howard played another clip where they took Sal's clips and put them in an Inside the Actors Studio interview. They had Sal saying that his favorite word is White and his least favorite is Black. There were other answers that made it seem like Sal was a racist.
Howard replayed Sal's apology again and got a few more laughs from that. Artie said that Sal needs some kind of coach to teach him how to act around people. He works on the biggest radio show around and he started off a sentence where he said ''There's nothing worse than a cheap Jew.'' There's something wrong with him.
Larry told Howard that Brian Wilson had some nice things to say about Howard. Howard told Melrose that he thought he was funny on that show last night and he managed to get on camera the whole show. Melrose told Howard that he loves him and thinks that he should hire him. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go after that.
A phone caller asked Howard if he saw Prince dissing Ryan Seacrest after he was done with his performance. Howard said it probably was a diss but it was very sad because Prince still thinks he's huge but he's stooped down to doing American Idol. He should have stayed out on stage and shook Ryan's hand.
Artie said that if Bruce Springsteen ever does American Idol, he'll have to do something crazy. Howard told him he has to ride the Sybian with an attachment up his ass.
Howard said he was watching Hulk Hogan's show and Hogan was telling his daughter that she needs to lose 20 pounds. The guys talked about how Katherine McPhee needs to lose a few pounds herself and she'll look great.
Howard said that's exactly what he told him not to tell her. He said he was supposed to tell her that he represents the midget vote and could get her more votes. Eric said that he doesn't like saying the word midget but they got him to say it a couple of times.
Howard asked Eric what he thought about the show last night and what he thought about Clay Aiken's new hair cut. Eric said he thought that looked ridiculous. Eric asked Howard and the guys if they saw Carrie Underwood giving a look like she thought that the wrong person had won. Robin asked him how he knew that's what her look meant. Howard told her that Eric just knows.
Eric was telling the guys that he's trying to download all of the episodes so he can watch them again and take better notes about all of them. He wants to meet the idols and show them what a big fan he is by giving them copies of his notes. Howard asked him what he thinks would happen if he handed them his notes. Eric said that they have downtime when they're going from city to city so they could read his notes.
Howard told Eric he might want to take his computer and invent an invisible plane to go city to city. The guys asked Eric what kind of notes he writes about the contestants. Eric said that he didn't take any last night. Then he said that he got advance notice about who won the show last night after someone on the east coast wrote and let him know who won before it was shown on the West coast.
Howard said that he knows that last night was a shock for him. Robin asked him how long he's going to wait before calling to see how she feels. He said he's going to wait until next week like Gary asked him to. Howard also asked him what he's going to be doing for the next 6 months. Eric said he'll be watching some baseball games and Last Comic Standing. Howard was goofing on his ''Errh'' sound while Fred played some buzzer sounds that were very similar.
Howard said that Katherine's boobs were looking good last night and Eric agreed. Eric said he doesn't agree with Howard about Katherine losing weight. He said that she doesn't need to lose any weight. Howard told him he's way off on that. Eric told Howard that he would date either Katherine or Carrie Underwood.
Howard asked Eric what he thinks was McPhee's biggest mistake. Eric said he's not sure. Howard said he would love it if they put Eric on that show as a judge. He wrapped up with Eric a short time later. Eric gave them a ''Bye for now'' as usual.
Howard said it's funny how he's calling in even after demanding that they stop calling him Eric the Midget and stop making fun of his voice. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard also played a new call between Gary the Retard and Daniel Carver. The two of them were talking about Sal's racist comments. Daniel tried to get Gary to use the N-word but Gary held off for a few seconds before he started using it. Daniel had to get off the line because he had another call coming in.
Howard replayed Sal's comments from the Wrap Up Show where he was making those racist comments for the first time. After playing the clip Howard and the guys talked about how crazy his comments sounded. Howard went into the phony human resources call they made to Sal where they insisted on him recording an apology and told him he's going to have to take some sensitivity training because of those comments. After that clip Howard played Sal's apology audio.
Howard played some of the behind the scenes audio where Richard and Sal were talking about the apology and how ridiculous it was. Sal couldn't believe that his comments were being blown out of proportion the way they were. Howard played the apology again after that.
Howard replayed the Gary the Retard and Daniel Carver phone call. Howard said he'd love to hear the other call that Daniel had to take during that call. He said that the Howard 100 News department should do a day in the life of Daniel to see what he goes through every day.
Howard said he was going around yesterday just going ''Hi, this is Sal Governale...'' referring to the apology tape.
Howard said that he's been hearing how great Artie's appearance on The Best Damn Sports Show was so maybe he should play the whole thing. He figured he'd save it until tomorrow so they'd have time to play the whole thing.
Artie said that Dana has told him that Howard is sexy so maybe she's had dreams about him. Howard said he'd do her. Artie said she thinks Howard is ''sexy'' and Richie Notar is a sexy guy. Artie said he had to tell her to stop while she was telling him all of that stuff.
Howard said that he ate a whole bag of nuts and his eating is just out of control these days. Robin said that Howard will probably get really tough on himself when he puts on a bathing suit this summer. Howard said that's what he's counting on. Artie said that when he does these talk shows, that's a wake up call for him. Howard said he's never seen Artie's head look so big.
Artie said that Dice Clay left him another voice mail message that was funny. He went off on him for the way he looked on Jimmy Kimmel's show last week. He said he'd have to have Scott put that on the computer for Howard. Gary said he spoke to Dice yesterday and Dice was saying that he can't remember making those calls to Artie.
Howard read some mail that he's gotten about Artie's appearance on The Best Damn Sports Show. A lot of people thought he was great on the show. Some people were commenting on his physical appearance though and thought that he looked awful. One person asked if Artie ate the cellophane and the cardboard from the Devil Dogs that he's been eating.
Artie was showing the guys his corduroy pants and Lisa G was in the studio so she asked him if he was pregnant. After that Howard read some more e-mail about other things. There was some feedback about Miss Howard Stern. There as also some about Dan the Song Parody Man.
Lisa G said that she's been to Hedonism and they have a naked beach there. She said it was a long time ago and she couldn't remember all of the details. Howard said that women go down there to get laid and they're on the prowl. Lisa said that they do some crazy stuff down there and the guys were pretty nice but she didn't really meet anyone. She didn't participate in the game they play down there but she did have fun. She was saying that she didn't look at any guy's penis while she was at the nude beach but Howard found that hard to believe. Lisa said that just wasn't her thing. She said she didn't get naked on the nude beach herself. She might do that today but she would probably just lay out and not walk around.
Artie said that when he was in Germany there were guys who looked like him, but fatter, who were walking around naked on a nude beach. He said he was on a boat when he saw that going on so he wasn't too close. Howard found out that Lisa has never been married so he asked her about that. She said that she has been in relationships but never got married. She's just like Robin in that way.
Howard brought up a time that Gary was at a nude beach and had flies flying around his ass. Gary said that it was just one fly that landed on his ass, not a swarm. He said he was on a beach in Martha's Vineyard called Gayhead.
Gary told Howard that they have to get to their guest because the Dixie Chicks are out there with a huge entourage and he wants to get them in by 8:30.
Lisa quickly went over a couple more stories and that got Howard talking about Steve Grillo being on the Intern Show last night and how funny that was. He said he also heard that Scott the Engineer has a feed of the TV show in his studio and that disturbed him. Gary told Howard that Scott has always had a feed and he needs it to see when bands are on to see if the board is working okay.
Howard said that the thing about Scott having a video feed is that the interns can watch the show from in there. Howard told Gary that he wants him to take it away from Scott because he doesn't want interns watching the show when they're doing crazy stuff. He told Scott that he'll give him a feed only when bands are on.
Lisa got in a plug for the Superfan Roundtable that's airing tonight at 7 on Howard 101 and then Howard went to break.
Howard had Sue and her husband Anthony in after that. Sue is the one who has slept with Anthony's son. She said she called in about 2 years ago originally. Anthony said that they separated a short time after her call but it had nothing to do with the call. He said that they were fighting a lot and not getting along.
Howard asked Sue when she got married. She said it was about 2 and a half years ago. She said that was before she slept with her step-son. Howard said her jugs were huge. She said that they're almost DD cups. Howard complained about the noise in the studio. Robin said that it could be her hair on the microphone. Anthony was saying that she also speaks very softly.
Howard said that Sue is very attractive and asked her what she is. She said she's black and Puerto Rican. Howard went on to ask Sue how she ended up having sex with the step-son. She said that they were all in a hot tub one time and Anthony's son, who he had with his first wife, was there and they were all drinking shots. Sue said that she saw the kid looking at him the whole time. Anthony said he thought it was kind of funny because his son told him about her big tits and her great legs.
Howard wondered if the son asked about her in bed. Anthony said that he did ask and he told him that she was great in bed. They all got in the hot tub and things got carried away. Sue was in a one piece bathing suite and they were all drinking Baccardi rum. She said that the step-son asked for a hug from her so she agreed to it. She knew that he wanted to have sex with her and she was going to let him do it if he wanted to. At the time Sue and Anthony weren't in a good place so it didn't really make a difference to him one way or the other.
Sue said that Anthony and Arizona didn't mix. He didn't get along with the people out there and he was always angry with people.
Howard asked Sue if the step-son had a boner when she got the hug. She said he did have a boner and when he hugged her he was feeling her up and then started kissing her in front of his father. Anthony said that they have an open marriage too so that was one reason he didn't stop his son.
Sue said that Anthony was watching as his son was making out with her and stuff. Anthony didn't get jealous but he did get a little uncomfortable. He wasn't going to join in or anything like that. Sue said that the step-son sat down and she straddled him in the tub. She then pulled her bathing suit aside and let the son bang her. Anthony said that he was so drunk that he barely knew what was going on.
Anthony told Howard that they were actually visiting his parents at the time. They went back up to their room and the step-son banged her again in their room. She said that he was only 19 so he was pretty quick. She said she sent him out of the room after he was done and she hasn't done him since then.
Anthony said that his parents don't know what went on that day, they didn't tell anyone about it except the people listening to Howard's show. Sue was telling another story but Anthony said he was falling asleep so he tried to get her to tell it better.
Sue talked about taking a guy home from a club one time even though her husband was there. Anthony said that kind of thing turns him on. He waits in the living room for her to finish with the guy. Howard asked Sue if she wanted to ride the Sybian this morning. She was ready to go so Howard sent her over to the thing to take a ride.
Sue got on the Sybian with her clothes on and found a comfortable spot. Howard said that it looked like Anthony was into it. Gary said that he wouldn't be able to get turned on if his wife was with another guy like Anthony can. Howard asked Anthony if he really doesn't like his wife and that's why he lets her get screwed by other guys. Anthony said he thinks that he's very confident and doesn't have to worry about her leaving him.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and one guy said he couldn't stand the sound of Sue's dry mouth smacking so they need to give her something to drink. Sue said she wasn't dry though. Gary started up the Sybian a short time later and turned it up little by little. Sue said it was very hard. She had Gary keep the level low so she could get off. She had him turn it up a little bit more and moaned as she was being vibrated. She finished in just a couple of minutes. She said it was good.
Sue asked if they could have one of those to take home. Howard said that Anthony seemed to be enjoying watching her on the thing. A caller said that he had to rub one out while listening to that. Sue and Anthony said that they're moving to the New York area from Arizona. Howard wrapped up with them a short time later and let them go.
Howard said that they have the biggest entourage that they've ever had on the show. He said they counted 37 people. He also said that the Chicks have sold 30 million records and that's pretty impressive for any group to do. There was a lot of noise in the room so Howard complained about that a little bit but moved on because he had no idea where it was coming from.
Howard asked the girls how they got started. The band started in 1989 but Natalie didn't join until 1995. The girls all agreed to split the money equally even though they don't all write and compose the songs together. Howard said that Adam Duritz from Counting Crows splits the money with the whole band even though he's the one writing the songs.
Howard asked the girls about getting laid but they're all married so they're not all out getting screwed. They said that they all have nannies who take care of their kids and they're the one's out getting laid. Howard asked them why they would hire hot nannies because their husbands might be home banging them. One of the girls said that if they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat no matter who it is.
Howard said he'd love to be married to one of the Dixie Chicks. They'd all be out on the road making the money while he stays home. The girls talked about their husbands and how they had their husbands sign pre-nups. One of the girls, Marty, said that her husband is from Ireland and he claimed that he didn't know what one was.
Wendy the Retard called in because she's a big fan of theirs. She said she went to one of their concerts and liked that. Howard told her to sing one of their songs for them so Wendy played one of their songs and screeched out the lyrics. Howard hung up on her and asked the girls if they knew what song that was. They had no idea.
Howard asked the backup singers if they tried to bang the Chicks at all. One of the guys said that his wife is the hot blonde in the dressing room. Artie had mentioned her earlier and said that she was really hot.
Howard asked the girls where they came up with their name. One of the girls said that they used to be called the Dixie Chickens and they got it from a Little Feet song but they eventually shortened it. Natalie is a fan of Howard's show and she knows it pretty well. She said she's been listening even more now that it's on satellite. She said that Howard used to say some nasty things about them. Howard took back what he's said about them because they're in great shape now. Howard apologized for what he said about them back when they said some things about President Bush a few years back.
The girls said that things got really bad when the Red Cross refused to take a million dollars from them. They couldn't believe that they had so much negative feedback after expressing their opinions on what they thought about the war in Iraq. Howard said that Iraq is a mess right now and it will be a mess for a long time. It may never be right. The Chicks lost a lot of fans because of their comments but they said that they just move on from there and put that behind them.
The girls said that they're not getting a lot of air play because of what went on a few years ago. Howard asked if Clear Channel is still one of the companies giving them a problem. He explained how they got rid of him after he came out against the war a few years back. He thinks that they fired him because of that and blamed the FCC for the firing. The Chicks said that Clear Channel hasn't given them that much of a problem but Cumulus (Corrected to Cox later) banned them all together. They said that Clear Channel gave their stations the choice to ban them if they wanted to. They were very sneaky about it while Cumulus (Cox) wasn't.
The Chicks said that Clear Channel didn't have a problem booking them for gigs at their venues. They have no problem making money off of them. Howard found out that Marty had a threesome at one point so he tried to get more information about that. She said that it was more of an unwanted friend coming into the room while she and her boyfriend were having sex. Natalie was the one who put the story out there so Marty wasn't too thrilled about that.
Howard and the guys asked Marty about what she was doing to get the guys. She said that she was doing more than drinking but didn't want to get into it too far. She asked where her publicist was and ended up hitting herself in the head with a microphone accidentally.
The subjects got changed and Natalie said that she lives near Sandra Bernhard. Howard asked her if Sandra ever tried to drag her to Kaballa. She said that has never happened. Howard wanted the girls to perform a song. He gave them a plug for their new album ''Taking The Long Way'' and web site DixieChicks.com. He then had them perform their cover of ''Landslide.''
After the song Howard told the girls that they could perform that all day long for him. He said it was really good. He asked them if they've heard from Stevie Nicks about the song. They said that they've actually performed it with her. Howard said that Stevie might be into a three way with the girls.
Howard thanked the girls for speaking out against the war. He gave them some plugs for their stuff and then took some phone calls. One guy told them how great they were and how happy he is that they play them on the Country stations there at SIRIUS. Wendy the Retard called back in and asked for an autograph. The girls said that they would do that no problem. Howard took another call from a woman who thanked Howard for having the Chicks on. She said that she thinks they got a bum rap for the comments they made and this country is supposed to be all about free speech.
Howard told the girls that he was thinking about a three way with the girls right then... and he'd probably leave himself out of that three way. Brent Hatley from Bubba the Love Sponge's show called in and apologized for his stance on the girl's comments, he now says that he's glad that they haven't backed down from their stance. He was also telling them that he worked for Clear Channel for 11 years and he knows that every decision comes down from corporate so if they were banned, it came from corporate.
Howard let Brent go and took another call from a guy who said he hates Country music but he's digging their new single. Ralph called in and said that he respects that they never backed down on their stance on the war. He also asked ''the dirty one'' to get on the Sybian. That wasn't going to happen though.
Howard said that there's nothing better than a hot chick who is into doing a threesome. He started to wrap up after that and said that he was going to play their new single ''Not Ready To Make Nice'' which is basically all about what went on with them being banned after coming out against the war. They're not looking to cater to radio stations so they didn't hold back with that song.
Howard played the song and asked if they had any songs about the threesome. Natalie was kind of jealous that she didn't have a threesome because Howard was so interested in that story. Howard took another phone call after that and one guy asked what kind of panties the girls were wearing. Natalie said she doesn't wear them at all. She said she won't wear them until the war is over. Howard asked her if she packs a vibrator when she goes on the road. She said she won't pack one when flying but she does own one. Howard figured that she might accidentally show something down there but she said she's a pro and that doesn't happen.
Emily said that she was wearing underwear so Howard asked her about the vibrator thing. She said that she went to a sex toy party one time but she thought it was kind of strange. She said that she has used one and she doesn't mind it if her husband uses one on her.
Marty said she has to wear underwear. Natalie said they have to tell that story. She said that Marty attempted to go pantyless but they went to Nobu down in Miami once and when they were leaving Nobu she had to ask if there was a stain on her dress. She asked Natalie to check her dress and she had a stain because she got kind of moist from the interviewer who was there. She said she has no problem getting lubricated when she's with a man. Howard asked her if she brings a vibrator with her. She said her husband is with her most of the time so she doesn't need one.
Natalie thought that Howard masturbated every day but he told her that he's slowed down a bit since getting together with Beth. Gary told Howard that Benjy wanted to ask a question so Howard let him speak. Benjy asked if Howard would have a problem with radio stations banning the girls if they had said something about killing all of the fags or something like that. Howard said he thinks it's wrong that they're banning their music for what they said but Benjy thinks that it's up to the company to decide because they're trying to run a business. The Chicks were saying that the worst thing is that it's the big companies like Clear Channel that ban them from all of their stations instead of letting the individual stations decide for themselves.
Benjy kept arguing with Natalie even though Howard told him to stop. Marty said she kind of agrees with Benjy because they are trying to run a company. That led to Benjy asking about burning the flag to protest the war. Marty was against it, Howard said he's all for it.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked which of the girls give the best head. Howard said that was disgusting but wanted to know the answer. Natalie said that they don't know who gives the best but Marty is pretty experienced because her stories used to start off ''So, I was giving this guy a blow job...'' Howard asked about swallowing. Natalie said that she's tasted it but she won't swallow it. Marty said that she will hold it in her mouth until she can find the proper place to put it. Howard asked what the proper place is.
Emily was being very quiet so he asked her what was going on. Emily said she wants to know why guys are so into having girls swallow it. Howard said that guys like to finish where they're at. When a girl spits it out, it's like they're saying ''Eww, you're gross.'' Natalie said that Emily can't answer a question with a question so she wanted to know if she swallows. Emily said it all depends on how drunk she is.
Richard came in and asked if the girls get their periods at the same time. They weren't sure about that. He also asked if they shave in similar ways. They haven't seen everyone so they weren't sure. Natalie said she shaves fully.
Howard wrapped up with the girls after that and gave them another plug for their album and web site. He thanked them for coming in and went to commercial break.
Benjy asked who he had the best chance with. Fred said ''the drummer.'' Howard said he doesn't think that the drummer would even do Benjy. Gary thought it was funny that Howard was trying to ignore Benjy but couldn't.
Howard had a lot of stuff to play for everyone and he wants to come in one day with no guests and just do it. He said he tried to make a prank call to the public access show that Richard and Sal call but he wasn't able to hear the guy on the phone so his call sucked. He admitted it was bad and had to give credit to Sal and Richard for being able to do that stuff.
Howard played the clip and the guy from ''Big Talk'' cut him off within seconds because the female voice he was doing was so bad. Howard tried again and asked the guy if he was available to date a white woman like himself. Howard said he wasn't even aware that he was on the air so he kind of fumbled with the call. The host is really mellow and didn't seem to care much about it. The guy knew that it was a white man calling in and busted Howard on that within seconds.
Sal took over and did a black voice when he called into the show. Then Richard tried calling in. Richard said that the best thing to do is just start yelling as soon as you hear that you're on the air. He said you also have to watch the TV screen to see what's going on.
Sal told Howard that he had audio of him preparing for what to say as the phone was ringing. He was doing a voice and trying to come up with something to say. Richard and Sal were telling Howard how cool it was to watch the master work. Sal went a little too far so Howard told him to get out of the studio. He was getting kind of creepy. Richard asked Sal if he had a boner while he was standing next to him during the call.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who made reference to one of Riley Martin's wacky lines. Howard said that he was going to do a whole tribute to Dan the Song Parody Man and Sal and Richard since they all made so many song parodies using clips of Riley. He played a prank call that Sal made to Riley where he asked him to translate a clip from the show where a guy says ''Ah buig lee ari dah, yag el moo ah moogie bugalia.'' Riley actually translated it not knowing that it was a clip of an African guy from Howard's show.
Richard told Howard that he called into a political talk show this week and ended up getting yelled at. He had Howard play that clip. In the clip Richard tells the hosts that they're smokin' hot... They hung up on him immediately. The one host asked if he was 5 years old and suggested he do something better with his life.
Howard played another prank call where Richard called this woman Paula that he had called many times in the past few weeks. He apologized to her for the calls he was making. Then he played Sal's apology tape for her saying that Sal wanted to apologize. She hung up on him when he started playing that stuff.
Howard asked Jon Hein what he's got coming up on the Wrap Up Show. Jon said they'll be talking about the Dixie Chicks appearance and their giant entourage. Howard was saying that the lead singer not wearing panties was driving him nuts. It was making him insane just thinking about it. He thinks it's really sexy when a woman doesn't wear panties like that.
Howard asked the guys what drives them nuts. Artie picked the same thing as Howard. George joked that he was part of a 10 man anal gang bang but he was just kidding. Jon said that they'll also be talking about Sue and Anthony's visit. Howard thought that interview was kind of strange but they made for a great interview.
Jon said that they'll be talking about American Idol since Howard talked about that earlier in the morning. That led to Jon and Howard talking about the show for a few seconds and Artie getting pissed that they spend so much time talking about that dopey show when they spent about 3 seconds talking about this year's Super Bowl.
Jon said that they'll also be talking about Sal's comments and all of the bits that have been created around his apologies. Howard thanked Jon and George for their previews and let them go. He had Robin start her news after that.
Robin asked Howard if his venom toward Leslie Moonves will continue after this. Howard said ''no comment'' but added that an elephant never forgets...
Howard mentioned that Steve Grillo was on the Intern Show last night and told a story about how he used to have to clear a path through the garbage over at K-Rock when Howard would come in each morning. That led to Howard and the guys doing their impressions of Grillo and goofing on him for a few minutes. Ralph was there in the studio so he was talking about it since he heard the show. He told the guys about some of the stuff that Grillo was talking about on the show.
Ralph also asked Howard if the Dixie Chicks were hot when they were in there. He had trouble telling which one was talking because they all sounded the same. Howard said he was trying to get their names out there but it was tough. He told Ralph that they were all in good shape and looked good. They got back to goofing on Grillo after that. They were also doing their Eric the Midget impressions. Howard let Ralph go a short time later and had Robin finish up her news.
During another conversation about American Idol, Artie told Howard once again that if Bruce Springsteen ever appears on that show, he's going to ride the Sybian. Howard told him he had to take it up the ass from the machine. Artie said it was off when he heard that. That led to them talking about other things he could do on the show. Artie was willing to get shocked but didn't want to get his balls shocked. He eventually caved in and said that he would let Bubba the Love Sponge shock his balls if he ever sees Bruce on American Idol performing a song. Howard said he's going to call Bruce and beg him to go on American Idol then.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about Artie's agreement. Howard said he would go on that show to promote SIRIUS if he could. Howard said he's done stuff like that before and appeared on Wheel of Fortune one time with Vanna White to promote something.
Bubba the Love Sponge called in and told Howard he's going to dust off the shockers and shock Artie's balls. He said he'd fly in as fast as possible to shock Artie's balls. Bubba's phone connection was bad so Howard asked him what was up with that. Bubba was calling in from his bathroom where he was taking a shit. He even flushed the toilet to prove it.
Bubba mentioned that they Pop-Rocked the puss last night on his show. He said it looked like a volcano when they had that going on. They poured half a bottle of beer in the woman's vagina and then they put a whole package of Pop-Rocks in her vag. Artie said he's become a big fan of Bubba's since he came over there and he likes the way they talk and stuff. Bubba said that they're just a bunch of hillbillies having some fun over there.
Bubba was telling Howard that he misses them. He had a lot of fun going to Scores when they were up there. They spent a few minutes talking about that night and how much Funny Money they had to give the girls. They also talked about Bubba's fight with Heidi Cortez. Bubba really went off on her when she didn't just improvise a sex scene on his show. Howard told him that she's really prudish in real life but she's really hot.
Bubba said he heard some good news about Howard but he was being very cryptic about it. Howard told him ''no comment'' and said he had to get going so he could wrap up the show. He ended it around 11:35am.
Howard started off the show saying that they should have taken this Friday off because it's Memorial Day weekend and they should be on their way to their vacation spots. He said he never knows when to take vacation days.
JD is on his vacation down at Hedonism though. They'll be talking to him later on this morning. Howard read an e-mail that someone sent to him about Hedonism. The writer said that Lisa G was lying about her trip to Hedonism because anything went down there and everything was about sex down there. The guy said that he and his friends were screwing anything that came around down there. He also figures that Lisa G must have gotten plowed at least 10 times down there.
Howard said that the guy seemed to feel that anyone could get laid down at Hedonism but that's not what Lisa was talking about yesterday. Lisa was saying that she was on the side of Hedonism where not everyone gets laid. Artie said he discovered that even someone retarded can get laid after hearing that guy's e-mail.
Howard said that they should put them on his web site to show everyone. Artie said he does get thin once in a while but then he just eats and gains it all back. Howard asked him if he thinks that it's more than 40 pounds that he gained. Artie said that the picture makes him look bigger than he really is. It was a bad angle and the fact that he is overweight.
Howard read a story about Meat Loaf the singer who was in the hospital recently so he may have been a little sick when he did his performance on American Idol the other night. Fred sent him that information and he wasn't sure if that's why his performance wasn't all that great or not. Howard didn't understand why Fred would send him that information because he didn't know for a fact that he was sick recently. Fred just forwarded the mail that someone sent in.
Howard said that it doesn't matter either way for Eric, he's going to be sitting in his apartment doing nothing whether or not she has a boyfriend. Howard pointed out that Eric is pretty happy this morning but he was sure upset when they had Blue Iris prank call him.
Eric asked Artie whose name is on the show. Artie said it's Howard Stern so Eric said that Howard is the only one who can goof on his voice. Artie said he thinks that they should simply ignore everything Eric says. Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he ran into this guy Dave who used to travel with the late Doug Bady. He said Dave introduced him to Taylor Hicks who is apparently a fan of the show. Howard said ''okay'' to that and explained to Melrose that he thinks that everyone he approaches is afraid of him so they're not going to say a bad word about him. He told Larry that if he was approached by someone like him and had him yelling out Hitler's name, he'd probably just say anything to get him to leave him alone.
Melrose told Howard he had some audio from the show Extra last night because they did an interview with Beth O. That led to Howard talking about how he saw Chris Booker talking to Jessica Simpson on a show the other night. He said that guy knows how to get into events but he never invites him to anything. Meanwhile he's inviting Booker over to his house and hanging out with him.
Melrose wanted to ask Gary about something. He said he wants to interview Howard for a web site but as he was explaining that Howard hung up on him. He said he has no desire to be interviewed by Melrose.
Lee wanted to start off with a clean slate but Howard wouldn't let it go, he kept telling him that he was going to have to hang up on him. Lee then started to complain that the $12.95 a month was another payment on top of all of his other bills... Howard told him that he should just cancel the subscription now. He said he's banned from calling in anymore and that's it. Lee thought that Howard really had something against him but he didn't understand that he had no idea who he was.
Howard told Lee he secretly works for XM and he's undermining SIRIUS by trying to get at least one subscriber cancel every day. Lee said he was trying to participate in the show but Howard wasn't letting him. Howard told him he gets physically ill when he sees his name on the computer screen and he doesn't want him participating.
Lee wanted to do his jokes for Howard so Howard let him do it. Lee told some Eric the Midget jokes that just weren't funny. Fred played some Dice Clay laughing clips and Lee seemed to think that they actually thought his jokes were funny. Howard told him they were good but he was just yanking him around.
Lee's jokes were so unfunny but Artie and Howard kept busting his balls telling him they were funny. One of his jokes was ''When Eric the Midget dies he doesn't have to be cremated to fit into an urn.'' Howard took another call from a guy who was wanted Howard to cancel this guy's subscription. Lee told Howard he had one last joke to tell as his closer. The other caller was telling Lee that he's just not funny and he should stop with the lame jokes.
Howard told Lee that he's holding up the whole show. Lee told his closing joke which was ''I met Eric the Midget once, I went to Red Lobster and ordered the bitter shrimp, guess who showed up.'' So unfunny. Howard ended up giving the other caller tickets to the Artie roast and told Lee not to call in anymore. He hung up on him a short time later.
Melrose Larry Green called back in and told Howard that Lee sounded ''certifiable'' to him. He said that he had been on hold for many hours in the past and that Lee's jokes were even worse than his. Eric the Midget called in next and told Howard to cancel that guy's subscription. There was a voice in the background and it turned out to be Eric's roommate Crazy Jay. Howard wanted to talk to that guy. He had Eric put him on.
Crazy Jay takes care of Eric by helping him do stuff around the house. He cleans his clothes, cooks for him and prepares the bath for him. Jay said that he's seen Eric naked before and he believes that he's got a 5 inch dick. Howard didn't believe that Jay believes that he's got a penis that large.
Howard asked Jay if he can get laid. He said he can but he hasn't met any chicks out there since he moved in with Eric. He gets paid to help his old friend out so it's not such a bad gig. Eric said that they're both looking for part time jobs as well. Howard said he figures that Jay will get a job before Eric does.
Howard asked Jay what Eric does during the day. He said he watches TV and spends a lot of time on Myspace. Howard wrapped up after that and thanked them for calling.
Howard played a clip from an audio book about Babe Ruth where they talked about Babe's childhood nickname being ''Nig*** Lips'' and how he probably heard the N-word more than any black baseball player ever did. Gary told Howard he also had a clip from NBC news where Joey Boots started yelling out ''Baba Booey'' over and over again during a live report from the street.
Gary told Howard that if you listen carefully you hear the camera man telling Joey not to fuck with them. It made it out on the air live. Howard said the ''fuck'' got kind of stepped on by Joey's ''Baba Booey'' though.
Howard had another clip to play where Gary Garver went down to do some interviews at the Country Music Awards. He had gotten some press credentials and was up front about who he was doing the interviews for. When he showed up they had canceled his credentials. Howard played the clip where Gary asked the woman why they were canceling his credentials. She said they weren't canceled, they were just suspended temporarily. Gary said that he spent a lot of money to go there and it was screwing things up. A security guard showed up to take him away and the woman told Gary that he doesn't have to cover anymore of her events.
Garver threatened to sue the woman for the money he lost flying out to the event. He told her that her Karma was going to get her back for that. The security guard asked Gary to pick up his stuff and leave. Gary asked the security guy if he thought what went down was wrong. The guy said he made it quite clear that he was upset but asked him to leave. Garver told him he hopes his Karma comes back to bite him in the ass as well.
The security guy was trying to take his credentials but Gary didn't want to let them go. He said he was keeping it to sue them. Security guy told him that was fine to go ahead and try to sue them. Robin said that it would have been nice if they had offered to pay Garver's bills because they had made a mistake.
Ronnie came in and told Howard that he was standing there waiting for the shower to warm up and he felt he had to fart a little bit. He let it rip and it splattered all over the floor. He said it was like a bomb going off. He grabbed an old towel and cleaned it up and then hopped in the shower to clean himself up.
Ronnie said that his wife Bonnie was out with Robin last night so she didn't know what went on. That led to Robin talking about the dinner she had with Bonnie, Alison Norris and Dana. It was a girls night out. That led to Artie talking about being back with Dana and how he's still planning on going to see a shrink eventually.
Robin said that she had a few other people at lunch with her. Howard's assistant Laura and his hair stylist Toni Coburn and Robin's friend Sheila were also there. Howard interrupted and asked if anyone wanted to hear more of Bud, the caller's ideas. Bud said that he would like to have Staind at the concert he was suggesting. Howard said that everyone has ideas for shows. He goofed on Scott Greenstein who has an idea every day for doing big shows.
Bud was suggesting that they have Staind perform and then maybe Artie could do some stand-up. Robin thought that he was kind of making this stuff up as he was going along. Howard said he's just like Scott Greenstein in that way. Scott is always coming up with ideas out of nowhere. He said he once suggested that they have a big tailgate party at the Super Bowl. Howard had another idea... How about advertising.
Artie said that there are some SIRIUS TV commercials out there that they may want to critique. Gary came in and said that they saw the entire staff of SIRIUS standing out in the lobby watching those commercials. The whole audience was cheering. Artie didn't want to talk about them if Howard hadn't seen them yet. Robin and Gary wanted to explain them but they ended up getting into an argument. Gary said that the premise of the commercial is that SIRIUS knows people so well that they program their stations to fit each person. There's a woman driving her car and thinking that SIRIUS almost knows what she's thinking but then she stops when this guy is standing in the road who tells her that they don't know what she's thinking but they play so much good music that it just seems that way.
There was another one where a couple of guys appeared to be burying a dead body and you hear the song lyrics ''I just died in your arms tonight'' and the same guy shows up and tells them that they don't know what they're doing,it just seems that way.
Gary said there's another commercial from Mercury where they have this really hot chick promoting the car and the fact that it has SIRIUS built in. That led to the guys talking about how XM has downgraded their projections for this year by SIRIUS is keeping theirs the same. The guys think that the new TV commercials may hold SIRIUS back if they keep airing them though.
Howard said that someone has to come up with a commercial idea to show just how great satellite radio is. He hasn't seen anything like that yet. Howard said they need to get someone like The Pope come out and talk about how great satellite is. Bill Cosby used to have power to sell stuff like that. There's no one out there these days who has that kind of power to sell. Howard said he doesn't think there's any way on TV to convince people how great satellite is unless you give them a radio to play with for an hour. Howard said that his mother raves about satellite now that she has it but she never would have purchased it if he wasn't on SIRIUS.
Howard wondered what someone could say in an advertisement to tell someone how great SIRIUS is. He said he thinks they need to have commercials just to get the word out but people have to experience it to find out just how great it is. No commercial can convey that stuff to people.
Howard was thinking that they should have Spider-Man do the SIRIUS commercial because everyone loves Spider-Man. He had to take a commercial break a short time later.
Howard said that the Globe did credit them for the Wimer Valderrama stuff that's going on but that's about it. He said they had a picture of Pierce Brosnan's wife who looks a little porky in the picture. He said that must make people like Artie feel good that he's got a girlfriend that's thinner than Brosnan's wife. Howard said that this woman is the size of an elephant. He said he hated to say that but it's almost as if she's defying him to leave her.
Howard said she was wearing a bikini in the picture and she had no reason to be in one. He said he's not sure why they even make bikinis that big. Robin was saying that Hugh Jackman's wife isn't all that thin either and maybe that's what they like. Howard said maybe they're chubby chasers.
Howard read The Globe article where they talked about John Stamos' revelations from the show. As he was reading it he saw that they did credit his show. He said that Gary must be retarded if he didn't see that. He said that made him look like an asshole. Gary took the blame and said he quickly scanned the article and didn't see the mention of the show.
Fred played a Baba Booey song parody and Howard waited for Sal to go into Gary's office in his big lipped monkey mask to goof on him.
Howard asked JD if the girl was there so he could talk to her. JD handed the phone over to Shy Love so she could tell Howard why she gave him the hand job already. She said that it was a nice welcome to Hedonism. She said that he actually lasted much longer than they expected. Shy also said that the size of his penis surprised her as well. She was grabbing JD's cock while they were sitting there.
Shy told Howard that JD was cursing them out and demanding that they do stuff to him. She said he was spanking one girl and grabbing her boobs so hard that she thought he was going to break her implant. Howard told them to recreate that for them because he wanted to hear JD getting some action.
JD sat there while the girls messed around with him out in the open of the restaurant area. JD said he was afraid he was going to choke while on the air. He described what the girls were wearing and didn't sound so thrilled about it. JD wasn't getting hard so the girls were telling him it wasn't going to work.
Howard told JD to go into a room and do it there. He said he wants to hear them in a room doing it, not sitting outside at breakfast. He said that's why Doug Goodstein went down there? To have JD sitting in a restaurant area getting a hand job?
Howard said that they should have had JD on a hard line from his hotel room, not on a cell phone sitting outside. The whole build up was supposed to be JD getting some action on the air but he's already gotten relief. He said that the people who work for him are 'tards. The whole reason Doug was supposed to go down there was to make sure things went the right way... now he realizes why these guys are loyal to his show, they can't get hired by anyone else.
Howard read an article about how upset Mandy Moore is about the comments Wilmer Valderrama made about her when he was on the show. He claimed that he took her virginity but she claims that's not true and she was very upset about that because she liked him. Howard said he never got to take anyone's virginity so he wouldn't know what that's like. Robin said that she had a guy break her hymen and it really hurt. Artie said that he took a girl's virginity but he didn't feel anything breaking when he did it.
Gary came in and said that he took the virginity of a girl and actually broke a girl's hymen but he was done after 2 strokes so it was probably a horrible experience for her. Howard said he knew a girl who was beaten by a guy who took her virginity because he thought that she had screwed someone else before him.
Doug Goodstein was on the phone so Howard thanked him for making sure things worked out well. Doug said that no one ever told him that was the plan to have him get the hand job on the air. Gary said they said it on the air 50 times. Howard went off on Doug about getting a hard line so they didn't have to hear him on a cell phone. He told Doug that he blew the whole fuckin bit because they didn't have JD on the air getting jerked off.
Doug told Howard that they never ''reconfirmed'' the plan for JD being on the air getting a hand job. Howard asked Doug how his wife is doing down there with him. He said she's having a little holiday with him and he flew her down there himself. Howard wondered why Doug wasn't at the Siobhan shoot but he's down at the Hedonism shoot. Doug asked him to stop busting his balls, seriously. Howard figures that the reason Doug's wife is down there is because he wouldn't have been able to go if she didn't go.
Doug said that no one on his side or even JD said that he was supposed to get the hand job on the air. Gary said that Doug was probably trying to get a good look for the shoot by having JD out by the pool. Howard said that it appears that no one is talking to anyone else there. Howard wasn't even sure why Doug was down there with JD, they could have sent anyone down there to do the shoot. The whole point of having JD go down to Hedonism was to hear him having sex on the phone.
Howard read an article about Michele Rodriguez being with the hot chick from Terminator III, Kristanna Loken. He read that the two of them were seen out together making out and rubbing their chests together at some party. He read another article about Marie Osmond's daughters who are out posting messages on their Myspace accounts that are pretty outrageous. Marie had to put out a press release apologizing for what her daughters have been doing.
Howard had JD back on the phone so he asked him if he knew that he was supposed to have sex on the air. JD said he sort of knew that but he didn't know all of the details. He had Shy Love and the Asian girl who squirted in Gary's eye a few weeks ago, Annie Cruz.
Howard told JD to describe what was going on in there. He said that they were all just sitting around there. Howard told him to get things going. JD had to pull his pants down and told the girls that he wouldn't get hard if he was talking to Howard.
Howard wondered why he was doing this for JD when Shy was telling him what she was wearing. Then she told him that she was about to spit on his cock. She did that and then started to rub him. Annie was rubbing his balls. Shy said that JD got hit on over at the club they were hanging out at.
JD told Howard he couldn't talk to him or he'd lose his boner. He had to put the phone down so he could touch the girls. He put the phone down and Howard listened in to hear JD yell out some dirty words. He knows that JD is a freak and likes to do that stuff.
The phone wasn't quite close enough to JD to hear him but no one was listening to move the phone closer. Howard was going to bail on the whole thing. Shy picked up the phone and told Howard that JD was staying quiet because he didn't want to be heard on the phone. Howard told her to put the phone closer to him so they could hear it. The two girls were stroking him but Howard said that JD sucks and he had to bail out. Shy put JD on the phone and we heard him saying he was close to finishing. Howard said it was so gross.
Howard said that those girls are the greatest actresses because you know that they're grossed out right now. They kept going with him and told him to give it to them. Then he started to lose his wood according to Shy. Howard had her put JD back on the phone. JD said he didn't totally lose it but Howard told him he was going to let him go. He told JD to get a hand job from Doug instead. They flew JD down there for this lame, sucky bit. At least Doug got a nice vacation out of it.
Howard had another caller, Darrell, on the line to play the next round. Here are the questions he heard...
Artie thought that was one of the better Homeless games they've played. Howard had more so here are the rest of the questions and the homeless guy's answers:
Howard won $100 from Artie and $60 from Robin. Artie told Howard to take that hundred and go buy another fruity shirt. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that John the Stutterer thinks they've been blowing him off but Howard said that he's always welcome there. He went on to read an article about celebrities who don't like to give autographs. Howard said he was in a rush the other day and had a guy come up to him asking for an autograph. The guy cursed him out when he refused to give one to him because he had signed stuff for them before. Howard said that the article says that Cameron Diaz, Halle Berry and many others are on the list of celebs who won't sign. Johnny Depp is apparently very willing to sign for his fans.
There was also a list of celebs who will sign no problem and Clint Eastwood was right up at the top of that list. Howard admits that he's pretty bad about that stuff. Sometimes he won't sign but other times he will. He said he doesn't have any rules about signing or not signing.
Robin said that she and the other girls were invited to see the kitchen at the restaurant and on the way out a woman jumped up and said that she didn't know who she was but her daughter said she was famous so she was going to take a picture with her. She actually pushed Bonnie Mund out of the way to get the picture.
Artie told a story said that he knew a guy whose kid tried to get Magic Johnson's autograph one time and the 7 year old kid didn't have the cap off of the Sharpie marker so Magic just matter-of-factly says ''cap off'' and kept walking. The kid didn't have time to get the cap off before Magic was gone.
Howard said that she looked super hot and must have trouble walking down the street looking that way. She said she used to be able to walk the street but not so much anymore. She said that she had her picture up on a modeling web site and someone discovered her there. She said she was in bathing suits on the modeling site but eventually got into the nude stuff. She said she eventually moved into porn movies as well. She did ''Muff Edition 1'' and ''Beaver Eating Bitches'' among others.
Howard said that Charlie is really good looking for a porn chick. She said that she doesn't make all that much money even looking the way she does. Howard asked her some questions about the chicks she's been with in porn. She told Howard that she did one ATM (Ass to Mouth) movie and the chick she did it with was someone she wanted to work with. She said she was using a toy in the other chick's ass and ended up licking the toy after having it in there. She said she wouldn't do that on an everyday basis though.
Charlie was saying that she likes to have her nipples squeezed really hard during sex but she has to be warmed up to that. She said there should be some type of instructional video about how to do that stuff. She said that she is into penis but she has to be worked into that as well.
Charlie said she just started dating a guy recently but it's not serious at this point. He lays tile for a living. Howard asked her who the hottest chick was that she's ever had. She mentioned Carmen Electra's name but said that she didn't have sex with her, she just appeared at her bachelorette party. Carmen played with her boobs and Charlie said that was the best experience ever. Charlie said that Carmen tongue kissed her and dripped some of her drink from her straw on her.
Howard gave Charlie a plug and said you can check her out at Penthouse.com. Charlie then showed the guys her body and Howard sounded pretty shocked by how good she looked. Artie said that she had an unbelievable ass and it had to be in the top 5 asses he's ever seen. Charlie was telling Howard that he could lay her like tile if he wanted to because she loves him. Howard told her that he'd shoot his load so fast with her. She said that would be fine and she loves cum and would drink it every day if she could.
Howard read that Charlie has done some bondage films and she was saying that she loves the look of rope marks on her arms after being tied up. Artie asked her how much it would cost to bang her. She said that she doesn't have a price.
Gary came in and said that Charlie once had her puss shocked. Charlie said she was working for a web site called WiredPussy.com and had her puss shocked as part of that. She said that she didn't like it that much but it was kind of hot in one way. She said that she gets turned on when she gets tickled sometimes so Howard said they had to throw her in the tickle chair... and then put her on the Sybian.
Charlie told Howard that she did some video shoots for Danni's Hard Drive and told Howard about what she did there. She was also talking about some of the other hot chicks that she hangs out with like Cassia Riley, Jamie Lynn and others.
Howard asked Charlie if she's ever done anything embarrassing like fart while having sex. She said she has done that and just laughed it off. Gary came in and said that he was watching some of the video from that wiredpussy web site and it was pretty intense stuff. Howard was checking some of it out on his monitor.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told him to drop Beth and marry this chick. Howard asked the guy if he wanted to hear her on the Sybian or in the Tickle Chair first. The guy was out playing golf and didn't have a choice. Howard decided to put her on the Sybian first. He told her that he thinks she looks a little bit like Kate Hudson to him. Robin said she thinks she looks like Adriana from the Sopranos but the guys thought that was a bit of an insult to Charlie.
Artie asked Charlie if she's ever slept with anyone famous. She said she never has. She said that she had a run in with Usher one time. He came into the room one time and said ''Get naked bitches'' but she just looked at him and said ''Nigga please...'' She wasn't going to get naked just because he demanded it.
Charlie went over to the Sybian and Gary told Howard that the In Demand guys have figured out a way to light her while the rest of the room is dark so that's what they were going to do. Howard said he didn't believe that Charlie's boobs were real so he had Gary feel them. Gary said he thought they were real. Richie from In Demand also copped a feel and said that they felt real nice to him. The guys were giving her 9's and 10's when Howard asked them about that.
Howard had Gary start the Sybian and said he was going to stay quiet because guys like to beat off to this stuff. She was getting off on it pretty quick. She was moaning and asking Gary to turn it up for her. She said she was going to cum after about a minute and finished a few seconds later. She almost fell over when she got off the machine because her legs were so wobbly.
Howard told Charlie she was amazing and he'd like to see her and his girlfriend together. He said he wasn't going to bother putting her in the tickle chair after that because she already got off. Double A called in and asked when they were going to get this on Howard TV On Demand. Richie said they'll edit it today and have it up by tomorrow.
Gary said that they may need to have Charlie come back to do things for their fans in the future. Howard said she must have some wild stories in her. He spent a couple more minutes talking to Charlie about how she likes to have sex and what she does when she has a guy she wants. She was saying she likes to drink and maybe smoke a little weed and then attack the guy. She also said she likes it rough. Howard said he had to wrap up after that because the show was going so long.
A caller told Howard that he did the Sybian just right by not talking during her ride. Howard asked Charlie if she likes to take a finger up her ass when a guy is doing her. She said that she does like that sometimes but she has to be really hot. Howard was saying that her natural breasts were amazing and having a natural C-cup is a shock. He told Artie that he might want to feel them up because he doesn't believe that they're real (wink wink). Artie copped a feel and said ''Holy Christ... They're perfect.'' Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Howard said he thought that Artie was going to eat Charlie's boobs while he was squeezing her breasts like dough. The In Demand guys had a shot of Artie sitting there looking miserable because he couldn't bang that chick. They put the still up on the screen and all of the guys got a laugh out of that. Artie said that he's really committed to Dana and it's all about will power when it comes to hot chicks like that.
Howard read some of the notes about Charlie that he had. She's only 22 years old, she once had sex in a pool while there were kids present. There were a couple of other things that he mentioned before he had Crackhead Bob come in.
Howard read an article called ''The Stern Effect - Phase 2'' where they talk about how Howard still has the ability to draw people in, especially after they start broadcasting his show over the web. This may already be effecting XM sales since they have downgraded their estimates for this year from 9 million to 8.5 million.
The guys noticed that Crackhead Bob has a 92.3 K-Rock tattoo on his arm so he must be regretting that. Bob said that he was doing the wrong things back then. He doesn't have the SIRIUS logo on him yet. Bob said that he doesn't have the money for that. Robin also said that it makes him look like an Opie and Anthony fan. Bob asked what he should do.
Bob was saying that he's been doing okay and he's been going to meetings and stuff lately. He's been going to AA and suggested that Artie start going. He was trying to tell everyone that he was at the film festival and saw Artie there and thinks he should go to AA. He said that sooner or later Artie is going to fuck himself by drinking so much. Bob came to life and went off on him for a minute about his drinking. He was actually putting together full sentences and stuff like he's never done on the show before. He even said he likes that he can talk now. Meanwhile, Fred was doing an impression of him and goofing on him.
Bob was trying to recite the words to a prayer he learned but he kept screwing it up so Howard and the guys goofed on that. Howard said that it must be fun for Bob to go to meetings since he's not working these days. Bob said that he may eventually become a sponsor if he stays in there long enough. Howard thought that was pretty funny and did an impression of Bob trying to talk someone out of drinking.
Bob told the guys that he's a homo now and he wanted to do all of the guys in there. He was just joking around because they were asking him about having a girlfriend. He doesn't have any girlfriend right now.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard how great the Superfan Roundtable was last night. He also said that he had an idea for a bit but Howard hung up on him as soon as he heard it. Another caller told Howard how great his Howard TV On Demand programming is. That led to the guys talking about how they're going to have Gary's wedding video on Howard TV. Mike Gange said that will start airing next week. Howard said they look ridiculous in their clothes from back then. Howard said that they also have the old stuff from the K-Rock days available there too.
Gary came in and said that he thought that his moustache looked normal back when his wedding took place but now he knows how ridiculous he looked. Gary said that Howard isn't on camera that much because he told the guy to leave him alone at the wedding. He was also saying that both Fred and Ronnie had mullets back then. Mike Gange still had a full head of hair back then too.
Howard said it would be great if Howard 100 News did a newscast on TV every night. Penny said that would be great since they're down to about 2 minutes a day with the radio news. Howard asked Penny if she's ever met Crackhead Bob. She said she has but she didn't want to sit next to him on the couch. She said that she's sat next to enough ''perps'' in her career and doesn't want to sit next to him.
Penny finally got to her Howard 100 News Preview and read the list of stuff they had coming up today. She was reading from her list and Howard didn't think she could ever be an anchor reading the way she was reading. Penny went on with her read and wrapped up a short time later.
Jon Hein came in and gave a quick rundown of what they had coming up on the Wrap Up Show today. After that Howard moved on to Mike Walker and his weekly gossip game.
Bob also told the guys that he hasn't spoken to the kids for a while now. He said he still calls and leaves messages for them but they don't call him back. He said his daughter is old enough that she's driving now so she's out of the house... but she doesn't drive over to see him. Bob thinks that they'll come around in time. He has no control over that at this point in his life. Bob said something about his ex-wife being with some guy who used to live in the same house as they did.
Robin finished up her news after that and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.