Howard also spent a couple of minutes reading various stories from the tabloids.
Howard went to a surprise party for his buddy Pat Minokia on Friday night. He said he got there when he was told to but no one else showed up on time so he ended up getting drunk on red wine and vodka. He said later in the evening there were three really hot women sitting at a table and someone went over and got them to do a toast to Howard. One of the women took off her top and showed him her breasts. This was in an italian restaurant, not a strip club, so the owner of the place came over to Howard and asked him to have the woman put her shirt back on. Howard had nothing to do with it though. The woman eventually put her shirt back on and everything was fine. Howard and the guys went to Scores after the party. Howard said he didn't get any table dances though. He just hung out.
Howard took a phone call from some 49 year old guy who claims that he slept with his long lost 22 year old daughter. He claimed that he met this beautiful woman and there was an instant attraction between the two of them. They went back to her place and had sex immediately. He later saw pictures hanging on her wall and it turned out to be her mother.. and the woman the guy had slept with 22 years before.
Gary soon started bringing in other people to say happy birthday to Erik.. actually it was so they could complain about him. First up was Isaac from E!. Isaac said that Erik always invites him over to hang out with him. He thinks that Erik is gay and he just won't admit it. Erik says he's not gay though. He's just lonely. Howard also had phony IDs made up that were supposed to be from various female celebrities. They'd come on and just bash Erik of course.
Mike Gange was next up to complain about Erik. He said he's sick of Erik calling him all the time and he just wants him to stop. He said he despises him and doesn't ant to talk to him. KC said he was also sick of getting e-mails from Erik. Erik said he's done with that for a while because America Online recently banned him for 30 days after people complained about him cursing.
Steve, the doorman at the radio station, was up next. He said that Erik is a pain in the ass and he's just ''too much'' to handle sometimes. Steve has to tell him to go away sometimes.
DJ Will Pendarvis was the next one to complain. He started off describing a nice, kind, pleasant person but when he said ''who am I talking about?'' he said ''Me!'' He said that Erik calls him all the time and shows up at his live remotes. Will gave him a ''Will Pendarvis'' t-shirt thinking that it would get rid of him but he said it was like ''feeding a stray dog'' and now he comes around even more than before. He did say that there were two positive things about Erik.. ''He's loyal.. and he hasn't stabbed me yet.''
Doug Goodstein from E! came in and called Erik a ''disgusting, fat, moronic slob.'' He may have the most hatred for Erik. He did bring Erik a birthday gift though. He gave him some deodorant because of his stink. He then said that he had another gift in his pocket.. He pulled out his hand and gave Erik the finger.
Richie from E! came in and called Erik a ''dumb dick''. He said that Erik always calls him and asks him how his day is going. Richie says he put him on hold one time and left him there for 45 minutes. Erik held the line for the whole time. Richie gave Erik some scented sponges for a birthday gift.
Ronnie the limo driver came in and also complained about how annoying Erik is. He said he really stinks and wonders if he's gay. Every time he's asked if he's gay, Erik denies it. He says he fantasizes about getting a woman but he spends most of his time calling guys.
Now comes the interesting part... This guy Crazy Cabbie, who works at Howard's radio station on the Cane show from 6-10pm, came in really pissed. He said that Erik stalks this DJ Cane and always calls the show. He also called him gay and some other stuff. He said that Erik once threatened him with physical violence if he didn't get him on the show so Cabbie was ready to take him on this morning. Erik said he was just kidding when he threatened him though. Cabbie, who has a loud, booming delivery like Chris Farley, eventually said ''Oh, by the way.. Happy Birthday LOSER!'' Someone asked Erik if he ever bothers Julie Slater, the only female DJ on the station, like he does everyone else. Erik just bothers the guys. Another clue that he may be gay. Everyone wanted to find out how much Erik weighed because he's so fat. They put him on a scale and it came up as 218 at first. That was way too low so Cabbie got on the scale. He said he knows he weighs at least 300 pounds but he weighed in at 224. They got a new scale and this time Erik came up at 305 pounds! Cabbie says that he probably weighs 20 pounds more than Erik. This all eventually led up to Cabbie challenging Erik to a foot race. Cabbie said that if he wins, Erik is no longer allowed to set foot in the building and he's not allowed to call anyone at the station anymore. If Cabbie lost then Erik would get a date with Cane and he'd become the producer of the Cane show. They were going to do it 2 weeks from today but Howard eventually got them to agree to do it today. Erik was willing to do it for the chance to hang out with Cane so he agreed to do it.
John said that they've added a couple of new guys to the band and if he slims down they're going to look like 'N Sync pretty soon. Howard told John that he's happy for him. John said he owes it all to that depressing conversation they had.
Howard was looking through some magazine that had pictures of Carnie Wilson now that she's lost some of her weight. He said she's still fat but she looks better than she used to. He also ran across a picture of James Woods and the 18 year old model he was seen with recently. He told John that once he gets thin he could probably start dating 18 year olds.
A few listeners called in to share their stories about stomach stapling. One woman told John that it was a good idea and that she's lost 80 pounds since December 1st. A couple of guys called in and said that they lost loved ones to the surgery. One guy lost his sister after complications from the surgery killed her. Another guy said his mother died.. 20 years after the surgery.. from complications caused by the surgery. Howard said that he'd ''..rather be skinny and dead than fat and alive.'' He said that those women may have died from obesity if they hadn't had the surgery done anyway.
John had his surgery done in New York City but Howard didn't know that. He told John that he would have visited him in the hospital if he'd known he was there. John found that hard to believe. Howard told him that he visited Gilbert Gottfried when he was in the hospital years ago. He told John that he's more important that Gilbert so he would have come down. John said that the next time he has something like this done he'll let Howard know.
Howard said he's thinking about doing another movie and he's got a script in mind but it's being rewritten first. He's not sure if he's going to do the film but said he liked what he saw. No names were mentioned.
Howard's not masturbating as much as he used to. A listener asked him this morning how come he doesn't talk about it as much as he did when he was married. Howard said he's just not doing it as much as before because he's keeping so busy now. He said he's been working out and doing all of his other stuff so much that he doesn't take the time or effort to spank one off anymore. That led to Howard talking about how no matter how much he works out he never really looks that good. KC came in and told him that he needs to tan to make himself look better. Howard doesn't think that's the answer though. Howard then brought up how KC was the announcer at some all male revue at a club recently. KC said it wasn't a gay thing though. He said it was a club where about 600 women watch men strip. Howard asked him if he hooked up with any of the women but he said he wasn't going for that. He did say that some women were trying to strip his clothes off but he wasn't going for that either.
A 33 year old woman called in and told Howard that she'd do anything to meet him. Before she gave her age she told Howard how hot she was so he was ready to meet her. After she told him that she was 33 he wasn't so sure about it. He told her that if she was willing to do anything they she could fly herself to New York from California. She said she was afraid of flying but called back later and said she booked herself a flight for this Thursday night so she could come on the show Friday. She then said that Gary and Stuttering John met her out in California one time. She described where they met and Gary thinks he may remember her. He said she looked good for her age at the time but he wasn't positive that it was her or not. She said she just wants Howard to run his hands through her hair and she'll be happy. Howard asked her ''Which hair?''
Howard read an excerpt from the book ''Lennon In America'' that's about John Lennon. According to this guy, John Lennon wrote in his diary that he slept with Paul McCartney's wife one time. Howard found that to be quite a revelation.
Howard had KC talk about this one time that he had anal sex. KC said he's spoken about this situation before but Howard didn't remember it. KC said that he tried it one time and the girl was sick at the time so she had a little accident on him. Gary asked if he had some ''mud on the turtle''. KC said it was worse than that.. He had mud all over him. He said he's never going to try that again because of that incident. He said the stink was really bad and he had to run to the shower to wash himself off.
Howard took a bunch of calls from listeners and most of the guys that called in asked him to get this guy off the air. The discussion was too uncomfortable for most guys.
Denise said that the hospital was unable to reattach the testicles because he'd already killed them by icing them down and cutting off the circulation. They wouldn't allow him to keep his own nuts either. Howard was checking out the pictures that are on his web site the whole time. He asked if he's going to cut off his penis because it looks pretty big. Denise is working on raising the $15,000 needed for the operation and has about half of it so far. The penis will be history when he gets the money. Howard noticed that Denise has breasts so he asked him if they're implants. Denise claims that they're not fake, they're hormone induced DD-cup's. Robin said they look like cucumbers though. If you want to check out the pictures or find out how Denise did this just visit BMEWorld.com/hormstr3.
Later in the show Howard got some more pictures and she turned out to be really hot. Howard was thinking about where he could go out on a date with her. They were unable to get her back on the phone though.
Daylle told Howard that some women are afraid to orgasm because they're afraid that they might release a fart or something. She suggests that women just forget about that and let it go. Guys should just try not to laugh and move on. Daylle also has advice on kissing a woman. She suggests that guys take it slow and be gentle. That goes for touching a woman also. She told Howard that guys shouldn't ram their tongue's down a woman's throat.
Daylle also told Howard how to please a woman out of bed. She suggests that guys can call their woman at work and tell them what they're going to do to them after work. She also said that they can have their woman do sexy things at work. Gary came in and said that he used to date a girl and he'd have her photocopy her breasts at work and bring the copies home with her. He thought that was pretty sexy. Daylle also said that couples should come up with signals to let each other know when they'd like to have sex. Something like a certain touch or something like that. Howard said his signal is just to pull out his penis.
Before the interview Howard said he was ready to yell at this woman because he didn't think she'd have good ideas in the book but after talking to her he said the book makes a lot of sense. You can find out more about Daylle at OuterSound.com/Revenge
Howard got a hold of a review of Kyra Sedgwick's TV show from some Philadelphia paper. In the review the reporter says something about how Howard ''..may be the ugliest man in the world..'' That set him off. He said that he's not the ugliest man in the world and he's very likely much better looking than the reporter who wrote the article. He was ready to set up a contest where the two of them go somewhere that he's unknown and have a beauty contest. He was just venting though. He spent a couple of minutes bitching about that and moved on.
A female listener out in Las Vegas called in and told Howard about her experience at a Jerry Lewis film festival. She told Howard that she submitted a question to be asked at the event and it was never read. She said the question was about his Nazi clown movie that was never released. She said that she later found out that Jerry's son reviewed all of the questions and decided that her question wasn't appropriate. This led into a big discussion about what a wacko Jerry Lewis is. Howard had tape of Jerry talking about himself and what a genius he is. They spent about 25 minutes playing tape and talking about how strange the guy is. The tapes came from some show called ''The Actor's Studio'' or something like that. In it Jerry talks about how he invented the ''Video Assist'' back in 1956. That's where they shoot a scene with a video camera and a regular film camera so they can review the shots before getting the film printed. Howard doesn't believe that he invented anything. He thinks he's just taking credit for it. One of the tapes has Jerry acting like a 9 year old kid. It was just sad.. not funny. Howard said that the host of that ''Actor's Studio'' show is one great ass kisser. He said that he needs to be interviewed by that guy sometime. The woman who called in with the Jerry Lewis story ended up winning a prize. Howard gave her a trip to New York that he had to give away. She gets the chance to have lunch with Gary and to get a personal tour of the Howard Stern Show studios courtesy of Kyra Sedgwick's ABC show ''Talk to Me''.
Howard took a few phone calls and everyone agreed that neither of them have talent. One guy asked Howard ''When is he (Mud) going back?'' Howard said ''Back where?''.. ''Back to Mars or wherever he's from..'' the caller said. Howard said that he could see the two of these guys in a sitcom together but Johnny didn't think that was a good idea.
One caller said he had a job for them at his comedy club.. The janitor quit a week ago and he needs a replacement. Johnny decided to do a little dance for Howard to show him that talent. Zuma said that it looked like he was trying to pass a sobriety test. Zuma then danced himself and Johnny said it looked like he was having a seizure.
Johnny said he was embarrassed by just being next to this guy in the studio. He also put out a challenge to anyone that can ''run through the paces'' with him. He said that he's willing to put up $50,000 to anyone that can do that. He said that he and another person would pick 10 things they're best at and whoever does the best in their categories would win. Howard said he's going to find someone to do this challenge and they'll have Johnny back on the show.
Howard also spent quite a bit of time giving everyone a Jewish history lesson. He went into a whole story about the Jews that went on a little too long.
Howard also brought up an article he read yesterday. Angie Everhart's representative had gone to the Daily News and told them that Howard gave Angie a diamond friendship ring. Howard called Angie yesterday and asked her what the hell was going on. Today the paper printed something that was supposed to be a retraction. The representative claims that she was misquoted and that the ring wasn't from Howard, it was from someone else. She didn't mention that other person's name. So it was basically just to get some publicity for Angie.
Howard was yelled at by an angry listener who kept calling him a ''Jew boy'' and other stuff. He told Howard how much he sucks but Howard just let him vent. After he was done Howard pointed out just who the guy was. He was on the show one time claiming that he was going to be the next Eddie Van Halen. Howard told him his music sucked and the guy freaked out because he thought Howard was ruining his career. He even told Howard to say that stuff about him out in the hall. Howard went out in the hall to confront him and the guy ran away. He said there was no way that guy would have any career the way he played and he was just telling him what he thought of the music.
Another caller told Howard that he should get a vasectomy so he can screw and not worry about getting anyone pregnant. Howard said that he wouldn't even consider having that done. The thought of someone snipping something inside his sack was repugnant to him. One of the guys who works for E!, Dave, came in and shared his story of having it done but Howard's still not going to do it.
Howard has been getting quite a bit of e-mail from women ready to date him. He got one the other day from a 36 year old who looked good in her one picture. She says that she'll drop by unannounced one day to show him how she looks. Then there's a 26 year old who said he shouldn't date the 36 year old but she's not that good looking according to Howard. Another woman who was on the show recently also wants to date Howard. She was wearing a mask at the time she was on so she sent a picture to Howard. Howard ended up getting pissed when Gary took too long to produce the picture for him but once it was up he said she looked pretty good without the mask. Howard said he might have to have her down to the studio again.
Howard spent some time talking to the guys about growing up in Germany and what they were taught about World War II. They said that they're not even allowed to say Zeig Heil over there without getting into trouble. They all said they're sick of hearing about it. Howard asked each one of them how their grandparents were involved in World War II and everyone's grandparents were either in jail during the war or they weren't German. Everyone had an explanation that had their families not involved in the war. Howard went on to tell the guys that America is the greatest country in the world. He tried to get each of the guys to agree to that but only Delane would agree. They didn't say that Germany was the greatest but they wouldn't agree with Howard either. Howard took a couple of phone calls including one from a high school kid who enjoyed their performance at his school. He also spent a couple of minutes talking to them about not being circumcised. Only Peanut has been circumcised. Howard figures that the American chicks must freak out when they see the uncircumcised penis since they're used to circumcised guys in the States. You can find out more about First Love at FirstLoveMusic.com
The video tape that Annie has put out is called ''Who Wants to be a Vaginal Millionaire'' and you can find it at GetAnnie.com. Annie is also appearing at Frank's Chicken House in Manville, NJ this week where she'll be totally nude dancing. She also said she'll be on the cover of ''Leg Action'' magazine in May.
Howard was talking about how Bob didn't have much work lately but he read off a couple of appearances he's making in the near future. You can find out about them at PegasusConcerts.com.
Bob was telling Howard that he wants to find a woman because he's very lonely now. He had a girlfriend not that long ago but she broke up with him because he was going on Howard's show too much or something like that. He tried to explain to Howard that he's got inner beauty but it took John the stutterer to interpret his babbling. Howard eventually suggested that Bob and John hook up and become gay lovers because they're both very lonely. Bob said that's not gonna happen.. John said he's 100% straight so he's not going gay either. Howard asked them to kiss but they both refused.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard plugged Tommy's appearance a few more times and spoke to him a little bit more about his life but Tommy refused to get into personal stuff. You can find out more about Tommy at TommyDavidson.net
Howard also spoke to Cabbie about how he once dated a handicapped woman. Cabbie told Howard how she was an incomplete quadriplegic. He went out on a blind date with her and ended up having sex with her. He told Howard that her legs were all shriveled up and described them as being like ''ropes'' just hanging there as he banged her. Cabbie is now engaged to be married but his fiance is out in Minnesota. He said he still tries to pick up women around town. He told Howard that women are like used cars, you can look at them and test drive them.. but you can't bring them home.
Cabbie has a bunch of tattoos so Howard was checking some of them out. He's got one that looks like a skull but it's made up of a bunch of naked women with one guy holding them together at the center.
Howard asked Cabbie why he's getting married if he likes to bang other women so much. Cabbie said that he really loves her and he's ''trained her very well''. He said she likes oral and anal sex plus she cooks and cleans for him. He's hooked.
Cabbie was talking about how he's been married once before and that he split with his first wife after she cheated on him while he was over in the Persian Gulf. She banged a bunch of his friends while he was over there. Her excuse was that she didn't know if he was coming back from the war. That led to Howard talking about how many times a week David is banging Tea. David said it's more than 2 times a week. Then Howard started asking masturbation questions. He talked about his own rituals and how he uses tissues to dispose of his mess. He tried to find out how David does it but he wasn't talking. He did talk about finding tissues under his brother's bed when he was a young kid though. Stuttering John said he sometimes uses socks to dispose of his mess.
After that discussion Howard plugged David's movie a little more. He told David that he's taking his 13 year old daughter to see the movie this weekend.
Howard also had a stripper there to flip the cards on the Jeopardy board. Susan from Fantasies in Keyport, NJ was really hot according to Howard. He said she was really cute. There were 15 questions worth various amounts of money and it was played sort of like the Jeopardy on TV. I didn't get all of the dollar amounts for the questions but here they are:
Howard took 2 calls from previous Howard Stern trivia contests and they complained that the questions were too easy. They claimed that they would have beaten Big Black's ass if they were playing. That led to Howard saying that he'll have a ''Tournament of Champions'' sometime in the future. Gary said that he'll work on getting a grand prize of about $25,000 for that game.
Big Black plugged his web site BigBlack.com and the White Rapper said he's got a site at DeeWhiteRapper.com. Bobo teaches defensive driving in the state of New York but he didn't give out a number or anything.