Mark's Friggin' Stern Show News

Howard Stern Show News Archives. January 1997

-- Friday January 31, 1997 --

E! Shows Penis! 1/31/97. 6:15am
A guy by the name of ''Micro Matt'' called in this morning to talk about the E! show that he appeared on last night. He said that E! had actually shown his penis without blurring it. It turns out that he was right! The censors at E! somehow overlooked a shot or two where Micro Matt had pulled down his pants to show Howard the size of his manhood. The E! people had the tape and showed it to Howard this morning. Howard loved it but was a little upset that it was a guys penis instead of a woman's breasts. Matt said that he's going to lose his teaching job because of that show. If you didn't see this episode on E! you're out of luck. By the time they replay this one it'll have the blur applied to Micro Matt's wiener.
Woman With 3 Breasts Calls In. 1/31/97. 7:00am
There should be more about this woman next Monday. She called in today to tell Howard about her special breast implant. She asked a doctor to implant a third breast in the center of her chest and he did it. She said it's below her other two and said it doesn't have a nipple yet. Howard invited her to come down to the studio on Monday. This should be interesting. Since it doesn't have a nipple they should be able to show it on E!.
Detectives Lang and VanAtter. 1/31/97. 7:15am
These two detectives from the first O.J. Simpson trial came in to plug their book. Detective Tom Lang and Phillip VanAtter are plugging their book ''Evidence Dismissed''. They of course say that O.J. is guilty and that they've never had so much evidence in a murder trial. They didn't have much else to talk about while they were there. Not a very thrilling interview.
The Mike Walker Game. 1/31/97. 9:05am
This Mike Walker game had a little something extra... a naked woman playing. This woman, Cheryl, just walked in to the building this morning and wanted to get naked. She's some kind of Playboy Lingerie model who just stopped in from Cleveland. Cheryl got to play the Mike Walker game with everyone else except she played nude! She had a hell of a body according to Howard. Here were the stories to choose from:
1. Madonna plans to be frozen after she dies.
2. Cameron Diaz and Matt Dillon had a diaphragm Fed-Ex'd to them while on vacation because they forgot it.
3. Courtney Love freaked out about a barking dog so she set off all her neighbors car alarms.
4. Antonio Banderes and Melanie Griffith are trying to have twins.
Cheryl was first to guess with number 2. Jackie chose 2, Robin chose 1 and Howard chose number 4. The actual fake story was number 2.
-- Thursday January 30, 1997 --
Rodney Dangerfield Comes In. 1/30/97. 8:40am
Rodney came in to do a simple plug for his new movie Meet Wally Sparks this morning. It turned into a bit more than that as time passed. At first Howard and Rodney just talked about the size of Rodney's penis and stuff like that. Howard thanked Rodney for being a friend and standing by the stuff he does. Rodney got a plug in for his movie and his web site where you can get an answering machine message from Rodney himself. Rodney also told his life story and how he became a comedian. He used to sell aluminum siding even when he was appearing on The Ed Sullivan Show. A little while after the interview Howard started talking to Jackie about his relationship with Rodney. Jackie and Rodney have known each other for quite a while. Gange found this out while doing the pre-interview. Rodney didn't have anything good to say about Jackie. Howard invited him back into the studio. It seems that Jackie borrowed some money from Rodney years ago and didn't pay it back, at least with cash. Jackie borrowed $1000 and paid Rodney back with ''jokes''. He wrote some material for Rodney to pay him back. I guess Rodney didn't think that was re-payment because when Jackie went back to him to borrow some more money he wouldn't lend it to him. This turned into the biggest story for the whole day. It lasted through the whole morning. Rodney wanted to let the whole thing go but Howard kept bringing it up with Jackie. Rodney came and went from the studio about three times this morning. The money that Jackie was borrowing was for pressing his second album... That would explain why he didn't pay it back. The third time Rodney came into the studio Jackie was ready to pay off his loan. He pulled out a check and filled it out for Rodney. Of course Rodney didn't take it. This story will haunt Jackie for years to come...
-- Wednesday January 29, 1997 --
The 800 Number Fight Continues. 1/29/97. 6:30am
Howard has been trying to get a new 800 number for the show since before they moved into the new studio. He wants something racy that fits the show better than 800-44-STERN. Every suggestion he makes gets rejected by good old Tom Chiusano. Every number so far, and there are a ton of them, has been turned down by that fool again and again. Howard was so fed up with it today that he started yelling about Tom for a while. Howard may never get the 800 number he wants. F-TOM!
Angie The 19 Year Old. 1/29/97. 7:20am
This girl wrote a letter to Howard recently about how she wants to become a Playboy Playmate and that she has some good pot to send to Howard. Howard sent an E! crew over to her house so they could film her while she was on the phone with him. He talked to her this morning. Well she turned out to be a, shall we say, large woman. She said that she weighs about 145 pounds with D-Cups. Howard was bummed out when he heard that she was large. In her letter she said that she looked a little bit like Demi Moore. She must have meant a pregnant Demi Moore. She's planning on working out for the next year to get in shape. Howard didn't think that it'll work. What a waste of a phone call.
Howard Talks To Old Friend, Orna. 1/29/97. 7:50am
This woman is an old college classmate who wouldn't sleep with Howard. Howard got a card from her so he decided to contact her and try rubbing his celebrity in her face. It never seems to work for him when he does it. He said that if she'd gone out with him in college he would have married her. But she blew it, now she's married to a software company guy and Howard's married to his nightmare. The phone call didn't reveal all that much. Just thought I needed something else in the news today...
1,000,000 x 8.50 = 85,000,000!? 1/29/97. 8:50am
Well according to Baba Booey if 1 million people go to Howard's movie then he's made 85 million dollars! During a commercial break Howard was talking with Gary about how his Private Parts web site got 1 million hits on Monday. He did his own math and said that if those million go to the movie on opening day then it would do 8.5 million dollars. Gary thought a second and said ''..wait a second Boff... if 1 million people go to the movie and it's $8.50 per person then it'll make $85 million!''. Howard is so bad at math that he thought Gary had done it correctly and for a brief moment agreed with him. Then everyone in the studio figured out that Gary had just made a fool out of himself...again. The classic Baba Booey move. Of course as soon as they came back from commercial break Howard had to goof on Gary for a few minutes. You'd think that Gary would use his teeth as a damn chalkboard so he wouldn't get this stuff wrong.
-- Tuesday January 28, 1997 --
Howard Plays Some Of His Soundtrack Album. 1/28/97.
This is pretty much all Howard did today. After hearing about another station playing the first Porno For Pyros single from his soundtrack Howard decided to play bits and pieces of some of the other songs. The one song that Howard was most proud of was the Rob Zombie song. On this one Howard gets to sing just like Rob. Howard got a 40 second clip of the song and played it over and over throughout the morning. He also played a little bit of the Porno For Pyros song and the LL Cool J with Red Hot Chili Peppers song which sounded really good. He also played pieces of a few other songs. Can't wait for it to come out.
Movie Premiere Set In Stone? 1/28/97. 8:30am
Howard was pretty sure that the movie premiere will happen on February 27 at The Paramount in New York City. He still hasn't given any other details but the date seems to be set. When I hear more I'll let you know.
-- Monday, January 27, 1997 (As replayed Friday, September 21, 2007, August 10, 2008 and July 15, 2012 and March 24, 2013) --
- Master Tape Theatre - January 27, 1997. 09/21/07. 6:00am
  Today's Master Tape Theatre replay was from January 27, 1997. This show was in my archives but I didn't have a lot of details. I've rewritten it as if I were hearing it for the first time today. My original write up is below this one.
- Super Bowl Bets Discussed. 01/27/1997. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: ''Andy Griffith of Mayberry'' parody, Crackhead Bob and Elephant Boy performing ''I Got You Babe,'' Superman/Howard Stern intro.
  Howard started off the show talking about the super bowl bets he has to pay off. He said that they were just going to call it a push. He said he had won $100 from Jackie on one bet but then the point spread was a push for everyone that bet on that.
  Tom came in to talk about something but Howard told him to get out. He didn't want to get into all of this with him right then so he told him to get lost. Howard went through his bets and figured that he could have won a lot more in the betting but then he saw that no one ever wrote down something he'd bet on. He read off what he did win and lose and said he won $300. Robin said she won something but it was something weird like the first turnover. Howard told her that she only owes him $250 in that case.
  Howard and Stuttering John were the big betters in the whole thing according to Gary. John came in and talked about what he won and lost. The guys also talked about the game and the goofy show boating the players were doing when they'd get a touchdown. Howard said they have to let those guys keep doing that stuff, it shows that they're still into the game.
  Howard and the guys talked about the James Brown performance during half time. He was trying to lip sync but there was nothing coming out when he'd let out a ''Yeow!'' ZZ Top was also there performing and Gary said that they should have been brought out for the 1987 game, not for the 1997 game.
  Howard said he was talking to Rob Zombie over the weekend and they were talking about the woman who died during rehearsal at the half time show. They dedicated it to her and put her name up at the end. It was dedicated to Dinky Patterson. Howard said he thought that was a dude's name and had no idea it was a woman. He said they should name someone on the staff Dinky. Gary said that he's got enough names so he doesn't need another one.
  Robin said that Gary won a lot in the station's football pool. The guys went through that and then had Tom come in to talk about what he won and lost.
  Howard got back to the Dinky Patterson thing and read a story about her death. The guys also talked about the amazing amount of money that must be spent on commercials by companies like Budweiser.
- ''Private Parts'' Movie Discussions. 01/27/1997. 6:20am
  Howard said that the movie company for his movie is trying to come up with a good advertising campaign to let people know that the movie is really good. That somehow led to the guys talking about the movie ''The Saint'' and how bad it looks. Even Brad Pitt is going out and bad mouthing it and he's one of the stars of the movie. Howard said that Brad apparently wanted out of the movie but they wouldn't let him out of his contract so now he's going out and bad mouthing it.
  Howard talked about Sam Kinison doing a movie and getting screwed over. He said that it is easy to get screwed over in a movie because they can change the script at the last minute and turn it into crap.
  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's pissed that Robin got a higher billing in the movie than Mary McCormack. He said he loves Robin but she's stiff and ridged. Howard said Robin tested very high in the previews so she did just fine.
  Howard talked about the web site for the movie and how he tried downloading the trailer. He said it took forever though. The file was 9 megabytes and it was taking very long. He said he's got an ISDN line so it should have been pretty fast. Gary said he's only got a 14.4 modem so Howard told him it would probably take a month to download.
  Steve Grillo came in and said that there are pictures of the guys from the show on that web site. He said that there was a picture of Gary on there. Howard said there's a picture that's supposed to be Jackie but it's actually Brian from AC/DC. Grillo said he thinks they fixed that. He told Howard the picture of Gary was pretty funny because he didn't look like he was ready for the picture to be taken.
  Howard talked about the chat room on the site and how that wasn't working for him. He said he had to download a bunch of crap to chat but it wasn't working for him.
- Various Discussions. 01/27/1997. 6:35am
  Gary was standing there so Howard asked him where his money was for the Super Bowl bets. Gary said he had to go get the money, he didn't have it on him. That got them back into the discussion about the bets. Howard was looking for some of the bets that they had but they weren't all written down.
  Howard asked Gary where he watched the game. He said he watched it over at a friend's house so Howard figured he didn't have a good time. Howard said that his kids talk through the game so he won't let them watch with him, he goes into his basement to watch it alone.
  Robin talked about the friends she had over to watch the game and a couple of them were guys. That led to Gary talking about some of the strange things Robin has at her apartment. He was up at her apartment one day and saw some of the unique things she has.
  Howard asked Robin about the guys she had to hear apartment. She said that one of the guys is an old friend by the name of Tony. Howard said that he's a good looking guy but he's no Michael Swan. Howard said that Tony is into law enforcement and once handcuffed Robin to the refrigerator. Robin said she wasn't doing anything wrong that day. Howard said that guy did that just to shut her up, it wasn't a sexual thing. Robin said she went out and stood on her balcony after having dinner one night and he came out to her and asked her why she wasn't going to help him out. He went inside and then came back out and handcuffed her to the fridge. He was going to chain her up to this chin-up bar he had set up in the doorway but she told him that wasn't happening. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
- Howard's Weekend. 01/27/1997. 6:55am
  Howard came back from break and talked about his weekend. He said he had a birthday party for his 4 year old. He said they had a party where they had the kids dipping stuff in chocolate and making a mess. He said that her whole pre-school class was there at this tiny room that had a ceiling so low that he kept hitting his head on it. He had to stay seated so he wouldn't hit his head.
  Howard said he didn't know anyone that was there at the party. Robin asked why he puts himself into situations like that. Howard said he had to go to the party, he didn't want all of those parents showing up to his house. He said it's hard to know what to do. He said he was the video guy at the party and had to make sure the battery was charged for the video camera. Robin told him he could have hired someone but he said they've tried that before. They usually suck. He said you have to worry about him making copies and stuff too.
  Howard said he was sick this weekend and he had to go to this party. He went to the party that was supposed to last an hour. They needed the parents there because you can't leave a 4 year old unattended for too long. Howard said that his 4 year old is actually smarter than him and she's very difficult to deal with. He said there were also kids there beating each other up and stuff. He said the sugar must have kicked in after a while and then the kids were just screaming and beating the crap out of each other. The party got out of control after that.
- Howard's Dead Fish. 01/27/1997. 7:00am
  Howard said he had some of his fish die on him over the weekend. He had about 25 fish in his tank and all but 3 were dead one morning. He said they're exotic fish and all of the sharks and puffer fish were dead. He said that those things are expensive too. He said he paid $650 for one of the fish. He said he called the fish guy who maintains the tank and went off on him. The guy wasn't showing up more than once every 2 weeks. It turns out that they had put a tube or something in the wrong place and one of the pumps broke down. He had a backup for the power but that wasn't it.
  Howard said he thinks that the fish that survived may have some brain damage. He said they were starved of oxygen so they might be retarded now. He said that the fish guy is a real nice guy but he should be coming over more often to check on his tank. Howard said he's going to drain out all of the water and just put lizards, or maybe a dog, in the tank instead. He said that he didn't know what he was doing with all of those fish anyway.
  Howard said that he's going to get to the bottom of it and find out what caused the deaths. He said that the guy was telling him what happened and there was a tube that had a hole drilled through it that caused a slow drip or something. The whole system shut down and he had no idea it had shut down because he knew so little about it.
  Robin told him that this was going to happen. She knew that his fish were going to die. They require a lot of maintenance and he should have known that. Howard said he's going to have a meeting with a bunch of people to work this out. He said that those fish must know that they're going to die.
  Howard said that on Sunday he watched the Super Bowl and saw his movie TV commercial. It seemed to last for just two seconds though. Robin said she taped it to make sure she didn't miss it. She said that everyone started screaming for her when it came on but she still missed it.
  Howard said he called Rick Ruben recently and got his assistant. Rick wasn't around so he asked her what's going on under that beard of his. He wondered if he's got zits and stuff under there. He spent a minute talking about that and about other big beards like the guys in ZZ Top.
- Is Gary A Type B Personality? 01/27/1997. 7:15am
  Howard got some of the money he was owed from Robin. He counted that out on the air and asked the rest of the guys for their money as well. He said that John owes Robin some money too. Gary said that he has tape of Jackie and Robin betting and Howard could play it if he wanted to clear it up. Howard said he didn't want to be the judge, he wanted Jackie and Robin to work it out. Robin said that Jackie was out complaining in the coffee room about that stuff.
  Howard told Gary that he's a type B personality and that's why he missed the bets that they made on the air. He said that Gary should have gone back and checked the tape again if he was a Type A. Gary told Jackie to try and get his hundred bucks out of Robin himself. Jackie said he'd already given up on that.
  Howard goofed on Gary about the Type B and Type A thing for a short time. He said that a Type B will live much longer because he cares so little and doesn't get stressed out. Gary asked Robin what type she is. She said that she's a Type C. Gary said she got that right and said ''C U Next Tuesday.''
  Howard said that Gary is one of those guys who is asleep when he's awake. He told Gary that he would play the tape after taking a break. He continued to goof on Gary though. Jackie started goofing on him too and made fun of those giant teeth and lips of his. He said that the E! guys need to make sure they put that face on TV so everyone can see it. Gary goofed on Jackie about having to pay for his wife's recording studio and all of that stuff. Jackie wanted Howard to play the tape so they could get that out of the way but Howard was still goofing on Gary's Type B personality. They went to break a short time later.
- Snoring Caller Update. 01/27/1997. 7:35am
  After the break Howard came back and talked about all of the stuff going on around his movie. He said that there's a bunch of stuff going on right now but in a month it'll all be over. He said that the movie is still being worked on and it's apparently not finished until the day it comes out.
  Stuttering John came in to explain why he didn't have his bet money yet. He lost his bank card so the bank had to send him a new one and he wasn't able to get the money yet. Jackie told him he shouldn't have placed the bets then. Howard said he knew last night what he owed so he should have been prepared. John said he wasn't quite sure about one of the bets so he didn't know exactly how much he owed. John said he will pay though and he always has.
  A woman called in and asked what happened to the guy who was snoring on the show last week. Howard said he had this guy who snored on the phone for an hour. He said he left him on the line through his show and then through John's show and then through some of Sluggo's show in afternoon drive.
  Howard said that Sluggo told the guy that they were going to send someone down to arrest him for staying on the line for so long. The guy thought they were serious and was all worried the whole weekend after he told him that. The woman asked what his question was that was so important. He said it was something about Howard playing basketball against Robin.
  The snorer told Howard that Sluggo told him that he'd dialed 911 and tied it up all day, that's why he thought the cops were coming to get him. The caller said he was hiding pipes and stuff that he used to use when he was younger. Howard and Robin goofed on the guy a little bit. They found out the guy was late to go pick up his kid at school because he slept so long.
  The snoring guy said that he works at Earl Scheib painting cars and stuff. Howard said his father used to go to those body shops for work on his car. They were cheap but the paint wasn't all that great.
  The woman asked Howard what the results of Ralph's test were last week. Howard told her that Ralph failed the lie detector test. The woman said that Ralph does seem to be a bit of a fag. She wrapped up and got off the line. The snoring guy asked if he could get a copy of his snoring on tape. Howard said he can't give him that. The caller said that he's got money to pay for it if they can get it for him. He told Howard that he's ''nig*er rich'' and he's got enough money to pay for that kind of stuff and to go see Howard's movie.
  Gary came in with some tape of the guy being waken up on the Sluggo show. Howard was impressed that Gary actually had that for them. He said he just wanted to hear the guy wake up. He played the tape and Sluggo asks him what his emergency is. The guy says there is no emergency so Sluggo jerks him around and tells him that he dialed 911 and must have passed out. He asked him if he was okay and if he was on any drugs. Sluggo kept him on the line for a few minutes asking him a bunch of questions about what he was up to the night before. The guy even gave out his phone number and the guys didn't bleep it out.
  Gary came in to explain himself over the tape not being bleeped. He said he heard it on the air and it was bleeped on the air so he's not sure what had happened. Howard had to keep hitting the delay to cut out the numbers that were being given out and dialed. Sluggo kept jerking the guy around telling him about the cops being sent to his house and asking him what he was going to talk about. The guy didn't even know what he was going to ask Howard. He had written down his piece of paper but he'd lost it by this point.
  Sluggo had asked the guy if he'd be willing to have a drug test performed on him when the cops get there. Snoring guy was kind of surprised by that question. He kept him going for a couple of minutes before letting him go.
- Tommy Chong Calls In, Crackhead Bob Auditions. 01/27/1997. 8:00am
  Howard said he had Tommy Chong on the phone. He explained who Tommy was and asked him if he's ever done crack, like Crackhead Bob had. He also had Crackhead Bob in the studio so he introduced the two of them. Howard said that Cheech and Chong were like the original Beavis and Butt-Head. He said that their movies were great.
  Howard had Crackhead Bob auditioning for Tommy but Tommy wanted to give out the number that they have for setting up the real auditions. Howard had Bob saying some lines from the Cheech and Chong movies.
  Howard eventually had Bob and Tommy rehearsing some lines and talking to each other. Tommy just wanted to plug the 900 number he had though. Howard said he thinks that he should just take Bob the way he is and forget about looking for someone else. Tommy said that he wants Bob to help him find the next Cheech.
  Howard told Tommy about Bob's history and how he ended up having a stroke after smoking crack. They spent some time on that and then Howard talked to Tommy about his movie and how well it's been testing so far. Tommy said he's anxious to hear about the movie and the buzz going on about it. Howard said he'd invite him to the premiere too.
  Howard talked about how he had gotten Cheech and Chong back together on his Channel 9 show years ago. He said that was a great moment. He told Tommy that he really should use Bob as the next Cheech. He did a scene with Bob and Bob wasn't acting stoned enough for Tommy. He told him to pretend he was stoned so Bob did that and sounded better to Tommy then. Bob was coming up with some lines of his own and Howard thought they were great.
  Howard and Tommy talked about their kids for a short time. Tommy told Howard to enjoy them while they're young. He said he didn't do that and he kind of regrets it. Howard said that his daughters are hot and he should keep making more. Tommy said that those days are over for him.
  Howard asked Bob to tell Tommy why he thinks he should work with him. Bob said something unintelligible but Tommy didn't seem impressed. Howard let Tommy go a short time later and said he'd go see a movie with those two in it.
  Howard said that instead of that line ''Dave's not here'' from the old movies, it would be ''Bob's not all here.'' He had Bob say that line when he knocked on the door. It didn't come out like expected but Howard still liked it and said that would be great. He tried to do a scene with Bob but Bob was trying to act too much and it wasn't coming out quite right. He told him not to try and act, just be himself. They had some fun with that for a couple of minutes pretending to smoke pot.
- Dick Clark Calls In. 01/27/1997. 8:20am
  Howard said he had Dick Clark on the phone so he moved on to him. He told Dick that he's a very smart man for taking the Golden Globe awards and turning them into what he has. He said that he gets every big celebrity to show up to those things and it's pretty amazing. He asked Dick if he's in the mob or something. Dick said that the movies make more money overseas than they do domestically so that's why they'll do award shows other than the Oscars.
  Howard asked Dick who's richer, him or Paul McCartney. Dick said that Howard always asks him those inappropriate questions. Dick went into his pitch for the American Music Awards and mentioned some of the names of the stars who were going to be doing things on there. He mentioned Pam Anderson and talked about her a little bit.
  They also talked about Tom Cruise which led to them talking about Scientology. Howard wanted to know what was up with that and why Dick doesn't come out against it. Dick said that it helps some people so there's no reason to come out against it.
  Robin said that she thinks that Scientology must work because both Tom Cruise and John Travolta are the top guys in Hollywood and they're both Scientologists. Dick wanted to promote the stuff he was calling in to promote. He didn't want to go down that Scientology route.
  Howard talked to Dick about his show and Dick said that Tony Braxton was going to be wearing something so sexy that the censors were freaking out already. Howard told Dick that he's looking great these days. He asked Dick to come out and visit live sometime. He'd like to see him in the studio. They wrapped up a short time later and let Dick go.
  Howard and the guys were talking about dick and how he got the job on American Bandstand. Howard wanted to know more so he told Gary to get him back on the phone. Gary wasn't able to do that but he came in and told Howard about how Bob signs autographs and how long it takes him to do it. He had Bob demonstrate that and he signed his real name, George Harvey, instead of Crackhead Bob. Howard had Bob try to sign that name after that. Gary said he was having some trouble doing it. Howard said that was beautiful and then went to break.
- The Jesus Twins Visit. 01/27/1997. 8:45am
  After the break Howard came back and said he wasn't sure he wanted to get started with this. He said this band by the name of The Jesus Twins was outside of the studio this morning yelling at Gary and Steve Grillo. They were wondering why Howard's not putting them on his movie soundtrack album. Howard pointed out that the soundtrack is already being pressed so he can't just put them on the album. These guys said that Howard would be so impressed with the song that he'd stop the presses and add their song to it.
  Howard agreed to let them in the studio to hear the song. What a mistake that was. As soon as they came in they started yelling at Crackhead Bob to get the hell out of the studio. They did the same to Gary. The one guy who seemed to be the leader of the nightmare kept saying that his band was the best and all others just plain suck. He put down every band that's on Howard's soundtrack.
  Eventually Howard played some of their song and it sucked. It sounded like a bad 1980's Stevie Ray Vaughn song. Their manager, who had a very unique voice, tried to explain why this band was the next big thing. He said that everyone out there is doing grunge and hip-hop. Not these guys. They're doing something that no one else is doing.
  At one point during this fiasco the lead Jesus Twin got in an argument with Fred. He started to make a move to confront Fred but Crackhead Bob saved the day. He held the guy back with his bad arm!
  Howard never said that he really liked the song but said it was ''an okay song''. I think that was just to get the guys to leave the studio. Once they did leave the studio a call came in from a big wig over at Epic Records. He said that he might be interested in hearing more of their stuff. When the Jesus Twins heard the guy on the phone they didn't care. They don't need a record deal with a real company I guess. Howard went to break a short time after the guys left.
- And Finally... 01/27/1997. 9:40am
  After the break Howard had Robin get to her news. He said they had gotten a little sidetracked with the Jesus Twins. Crackhead Bob was still sitting in so Howard talked to him a little bit before Robin started in on her stories. They talked about the Jesus Twins thing and how Bob was ready to kick their asses when they were going off on him. Bob was saying something but Howard couldn't understand what he was talking about.
  Robin read through some of her news stories and Howard commented on some of that stuff. Howard ended up talking about the days when he didn't have a job and how his father told him to go out and find something. He started pounding the pavement out in Manhattan and he'd end up getting lost. He said that he'd go to the same coffee shop and read the paper. Then he'd just walk up and down the street doing nothing. He said that he'd have Amway people pull up next to him and ask him to come to meetings. He said they can somehow spot losers like that walking the streets.
  Howard said he bought some lottery tickets one day and his father saw that. He told him that the only people who buy those things are dummies. He stopped buying them after that. Gary said he got addicted to that stuff a few years ago. He had a guy on the phone who said that he knew a guy in an office that was in a pool at work and actually won the lottery. He didn't tell anyone in the office and collected the money without telling the rest of the employees. They found out about it and threatened to kill him.
  Howard doesn't understand why anyone would chip in on a lottery pool like that. The caller said he told his wife the same thing because she was the one who told him that story. The caller said that the guy should jump in on any lawsuit that comes out of the deal. Howard cut the guy off a short time later since he was going on and on about that stuff.
  Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:20am (Master Tape Theatre time).
-- Monday January 27, 1997 --
Art The Sleeping Guy Finally Gets To Speak. 1/27/97. 8:00am
Last Friday this guy had called in at 6:00am and fell asleep while on hold by 9:50am. Howard picked up the line and let the guy's snoring go out over the air for the rest of the show and even the rest of the day. Today Howard finally got to speak to the man who waited on hold for over 8 hours. His question must have been really important huh? Well they guy asked his question and it wasn't worth the 8 hour wait. All he wanted to ask was how Howard let a woman beat him at basketball (an E! show from last week). That was it.
Crackhead Bob, The Next ''Cheech''? 1/27/97. 8:25am
Tommy Chong of Cheech and Chong fame called in to plug some 900 number that he has for finding the next ''Cheech''. Howard had a surprise audition for Tommy... Crackhead Bob! What a match this would be. Crackhead Bob rehearsed some lines with Tommy and Howard. Tommy didn't really want anything to do with Bob. He just wanted to plug his 900 number to death. After Tommy got off the phone Howard and Bob did some more rehearsing. I think Tommy would be wise to take Howard's advice and use Bob as the next Cheech. He's just right for the part.
The Jesus Twins. 1/27/97. 9:20am
This band by the name of The Jesus Twins was outside of Howard's studio this morning yelling at Gary and Steve Grillo. They were wondering why Howard's not putting them on his movie soundtrack album. Howard pointed out that the soundtrack is already being pressed so he can't just put them on the album. These guys said that Howard would be so impressed with the song that he'd stop the presses and add their song to it. Howard agreed to let them in the studio to hear the song. What a mistake that was. As soon as they came in they started yelling at Crackhead Bob to get the hell out of the studio. They did the same to Gary. The one guy who seemed to be the leader of the nightmare kept saying that his band was the best and all others just plain suck. He put down every band that's on Howard's soundtrack. Eventually Howard played some of their song and it SUCKED. It sounded like a bad 1980's Stevie Ray Vaughn song. Their manager, who had a very unique voice, tried to explain why this band was the next big thing. He said that everyone out there is doing grunge and hip-hop. Not these guys. They're doing something that no one else is doing... (that's because no one listens to it anymore idiot). At one point during this fiasco the lead jerk-off got in an argument with Fred. Jerk-off started to make a move to confront Fred but Crackhead Bob saved the day. He held the guy back with his bad arm! Howard never said that he really liked the song but said it was ''an okay song''. I think that was just to get the guys to leave the studio. Once they did leave the studio a call came in from a big wig over at Epic Records. He said that he might be interested in hearing more of their stuff. When the jerk-offs heard the guy on the phone they didn't care. They don't need a record deal with a real company I guess. Let's all remember their name now... The Jesus Twins... because it's sure as hell not going to be a household name anytime soon.
-- Friday January 24, 1997 --
Wise Intelligent, The Ebonics Teacher. 1/24/97. 7:40am
Wise Intelligent of the rap group Poor Richous Teachers came in to teach Howard and the gang some of this Ebonics crap. First he had to teach Howard what the Five Percenters is. I couldn't explain it to you if I tried. So anyway they decided to make a game out of this ebonics. Wise Intelligent would give Howard and the gang a word or phrase and they would have to try and figure it out. Here are those phrases and their definitions:
1. Word is life - To tell the truth
2. Hella tite - Nice Things like a car
3. Off the hook - Out of control, insane
4. Eighty fivers - 85% of the population that doesn't have a clue
5. Butta - Good, best or smooth
6. Break me off the math - Give me your phone number
7. Hold it down - Hold your ground
8. Get your swerve on - Get it on with a woman
9. Those kids are sizing me up - Someone is getting ready to rob you
10. You better recognize - Pay attention
Howard made up his own, Decorate the phosphorus - Write you phone number on this matchbook. Howard got about half of the ebonics questions correct which is pretty amazing for a white man. Robin did about the same. Jackie and Fred didn't do quite as well.
The Mike Walker Game. 1/24/97. 8:45am
This is the game where Howard is given 4 stories from the National Enquirer and he has to pick out the one phony story. Here were today's choices:
1. Tommy Lee has hired body guards to stop him from partying.
2. Alicia Silverstone was almost molested by some manly tattooed woman while being baby oiled to fit in her Batgirl uniform for the next Batman movie.
3. Tim Allen's clothes were stolen from a health club while he worked out.
4. Married With Children producers had to hire a stand in for Katie Segal for a belly dancing scene.
Robin was first up with her guess of number 3, Jackie chose number 2, Fred chose 3 and Howard picked number 2. The actual phony story was number 2. Alicia Silverstone wasn't almost molested although she does have to baby oil herself to get into her outfit.
Little Richard Calls In. 1/24/97. 9:05am
King of Rock and Roll(?) Little Richard called in this morning to say hello to Howard real quick. Little Richard will be receiving some award on Monday night at the American Music Awards. Howard asked Richard if he'd mention his name when he goes up to get the award. Richard said that he would. Richard was only on the phone for a few minutes. He was calling from a car phone so he probably got off because he can't afford a large phone bill.
Art, The Sleeping Caller. 1/24/97. 9:50am
Late this morning Howard got word from Stuttering John that there was a caller on the line who fell asleep after waiting almost 4 hours to talk to Howard. Howard picked up the line to listen to the guy because he was snoring pretty good. Howard didn't want to wake the guy up so he kept pretty quiet while he was on the air. He even left the snoring up while he went to commercial. You could hear the guy the whole time. They tried to wake him up a few times before the end of the show but weren't successful. By 10:25 the show was ending so Howard said that he'd just leave the guy on through Stuttering John's air shift in the New York area. Well that's what happened. John would come back after playing a couple of songs and the guy was still there. Sometimes the guy would stop snoring but he didn't wake up. He would just breathe heavily. By 2:00 this afternoon Stuttering John's air shift was done and the guy was still on the phone sleeping. John tried to wake the guy up but he didn't have any luck either. I talked to John as he was getting ready to leave and he said that the guy was still on the phone. I told John that this happened one other time back in November. A caller by the name of Tom had fallen asleep after waiting on hold for about an hour. John wondered if this was the same guy but the names were different. Some of John's listeners called him and told him that Howard was probably goofing on him. I'm still waiting to hear if Sluggo has this guy on the phone. Around 2:40 or so the guy finally woke up. Sluggo told the guy that he had accidentally dialed 911 and that they were sending out some patrol cars to his house. Sluggo asked him if he had been doing drugs the night before or if he had any illegal narcotics in his house. The guy was baffled. I'm sure Howard will play this on Monday morning.
-- Thursday January 23, 1997 --
Kirk, The Alien Abductee. 1/23/97. 6:25am
Howard took a phone call from a guy down in South Carolina by the name of Kirk. Kirk told Howard that he was camping out last night and he was abducted by aliens. He said that the aliens took him into their spacecraft and went through his belongings. He had a copy of Private Parts the book with his stuff. The aliens took the book and ripped out some pictures and put them in some kind of jell. He said that there were pictures of Jimmy Carter and stuff from Howard's E! show on the alien's monitor. Howard asked the guy what drugs he was on. He said that he hadn't done any drugs but Robin got him to admit to drinking a little Jim Beam. While he was on the alien craft he was put into a large ''fish tank''. While he was in the ''fish tank'' there were little fish-like things swimming up into his pecker and other body parts. Wow, what a story! Kirk thinks that the aliens are going to come down to take Howard away so he told Howard not be alone at any time. Eventually Howard got sick of this guy and hung up on him. I'd stay away from the wooded areas of South Carolina if I were you...
Stuttering John Caught Masturbating! 1/23/97. 6:45am
Well he wasn't exactly caught but his Mother-In-Law to be walked into the room as John was starting to pound his mound. John lives in some type of apartment called a Railroad apartment. All of the rooms are connected in a long hallway. His baby's room is towards the end of that hallway so to get in there you have to walk through the master bedroom. The Mother-in-law was baby sitting at the time but she had just put the kid to bed. John figured that he had about an hour until she would have to go to the baby room again so he got in bed and pulled down his pants and started in. Well a couple of minutes later the woman is in the room on her way to the baby! John thinks that she didn't know that he was doing anything but Howard seems to think that she may have just been keeping her mouth shut about it. John had another masturbation story from when he was young. His sister-in-law walked in on him when he was doing himself on his mothers couch. He didn't say if she did anything when she found him but she must have been disgusted.
The Bacon Brothers. 1/23/97. 8:30am
Kevin Bacon and his brother Michael came in to play some tunes for Howard. Kevin and his brother have put together their own band and have sold out four shows at The Bottom Line in New York. Before they played Howard had to ask Kevin about his wife Kyra Sedgwick. Howard thinks that she's really hot so he had to tell Kevin. Eventually they got back on the subject of music. Before the guys came into the studio Howard and Robin agreed that they would tell Kevin that they like his music even if they don't. They want to do that to insure their friendship with him. After a commercial break the guys got to do their song. It was kind of a folk-rock type of song called KJ's Song. They sounded pretty good if you like that type of music. Jackie probably enjoyed it. After Kevin was gone we found out that Jackie did enjoy the music. He said it had the same sound as his wife's band Big Orange Marble. Howard said that he enjoyed listening to it.
The Superbowl Bets Have Been Set. 1/23/97. 9:25am
Everyone in the studio was betting on everything to do with the Superbowl. There were so many bets going on that I couldn't keep track. One of the things that they were betting on was when the Private Parts 30 second commercial was going to air. It's going to cost Paramount $1.2 Million to run the 30 second spot during this years Superbowl. Dominic Barbara called in to place bets, Tom Chiusano was betting, Gary, Stuttering John and Ralph were also in on the betting. They bet on everything from the coin toss to first turnover. Somehow Gary kept track of everything.. I don't know how he does it!
-- Wednesday January 22, 1997 --
Amnan Shilomi, The Israeli Broadcaster. 1/22/97. 6:50am
This Israeli broadcasting dude came in this morning to learn a little bit about how The King Of All Media runs his show. I think he may have left the studio a little shell shocked. This happens a couple of times a year. Foreign broadcasters request to come in and watch Howard at work. Howard has them come in but goes the extra little bit to freak them out. Recently he had a bunch of Japanese broadcasters in and asked them who was going to apologize for Pearl Harbor. This time he told Amnan the things he should be doing on Israeli radio. Whenever Howard would bring up anything about sex the guy didn't want anything to do with it. Howard also told him that he should bring The Howard Stern Show into Israel. There's not enough money in it for Howard.. He'd never let it happen.
The Private Parts Web Page. 1/22/97. 7:55am
If you've visited the Private Parts web page lately you've probably noticed that there's still not much going on there. Howard mentioned this morning that the guy working on the page sent him some stuff to go over regarding the page. Howard didn't get too much into it but did mention that there might be some audio files on there. Hopefully the guy who's designing the Private Parts web page isn't the same guy who did the Beavis and Butt-Head page. That page was never updated much after it's initial release.
20 Year Old Phone Caller In Love With Howard. 1/22/97. 8:15am
This listener called in to tell Howard how much she loves Howard. She said that's she's 20 years old, 6 feet tall, 120 pounds with D cup breasts. Howard goofed around with her a bit because her voice sure as hell didn't sound very sexy. She swore that she was good looking and that she wants to meet Howard. The woman was on the phone right near her mother so Howard started talking sex with her. The woman's mother kept yelling at her to get off the phone. Howard wouldn't let her get off. Whenever she'd say that she had to go he'd ask her another question. She kept telling him that she'd call back tomorrow to talk to him again. I think she'll eventually make her way down to the studio so we'll have to wait and see. It was pretty funny how Howard kept her on the phone.
Steven Adler From Guns N Roses Comes In. 1/22/97. 9:00am
Steven Adler was the original drummer from Guns N Roses. He was fired from the band for his excessive drug use even though the rest of the band was using drugs at the time. Howard brought up the fact that Steven had a stroke after taking too much cocaine a few years ago. Steven said that he had a stroke and a heart attack and knocked out a tooth when he fell to the floor 3 years ago. He's only done drugs a few times since that day. He's been going to speech therapy during those years also. He really f'd himself up I guess. Steven explained why he was kicked out of Guns N Roses. It was a long story and it sounded like it had a little to do with his drug use and a little to do with a doctors mistake with a prescription. Steven was also in to plug his web site. He sells t-shirts, drumsticks and all that good stuff at http://www.stevenadler.com. Steven had a bunch of people with him at the studio so Howard brought them in to meet them. There were 2 porno stars, Steven's brother and a President Clinton impersonator.. What an odd collection. Steven will be performing with his new band at Billboard Live starting February 24.
-- Tuesday January 21, 1997 --
The Seattle/San Jose Movie Test Screenings. 1/21/97. 6:10am
As reported here last Friday, Howard headed up to Seattle Washington to do a test screening of his movie in an area that doesn't carry his radio show or his E! show. Howard talked about what a nightmare the screening seemed to be. Almost as soon as the movie started the projector broke the film so it had to be spliced back together. After 20 minutes or so they started the movie again but it had been spliced backwards! After another 20 minutes or so they got the movie rolling. The audience actually applauded 4 times during the movie. After the screening they pass out surveys to the audience. According to the surveys the audience loved the movie. Even after the film breaking and the long delay. The next day Howard headed over to San Jose California for another test screening. This time the audience applauded about 25 times during the movie. After this screening the surveys were even better than up in Seattle. This movie got survey scores as good as or better than Forrest Gump and Indiana Jones! Howard talked about this for about an hour early this morning and then later when Producer Ivan Reitman called in. Ivan backed up everything Howard said about the screenings. He wasn't just blowing smoke up our asses. While talking about the survey scores Ivan said ''...I've never seen numbers like this...''! Ivan did say that this doesn't guarantee a major success though. It only means that the people who do see the movie will most likely enjoy it immensely.
The Intern Beauty Pageant! 1/21/97. 7:10am
Well today was the day for the big Intern Beauty Pageant production. There were 5 female interns competing for the big prize today. Vanessa, Jennifer, Amy, Jen and Beth were all included in this thing. Howard decided last week to do this thing because there were so many great looking interns working at the station. The judges of this contest were Larry 'Ratso' Slomann, Roger Offner(Serial Killer Interviewer), Ross Zapin(National Alternative Promotion Director for Geffen Records and friend of the show), Robin, Fred and Jackie The JokeMan. Howard kept himself out of the judging for some odd reason. The contest started off with the Sexy Outfit and Questioning portions. Howard asked each girl questions such as ''What are your ambitions?'', ''Are you for or against breast implants?'', ''What are your turn-offs?'', ''Do you like to be spanked?'' and ''Which Judges turn you on?''. The judges were grading on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest. After that portion Gary sang a new version of ''You Are So Beautiful'' without music.. The next portion of the contest was Talent. Vanessa did Meringue dancing with a guy partner, Jennifer belched ''Baba Booey'' and ''F-Jackie'' then tied a cherry stem with her tongue, Amy made her eyeballs flicker back and forth, Beth danced to ''This Is How We Do It'' and did some back flips and Jen hoola hooped her way through this part of the competition. Robin sang a number between that portion and the next which is the evening gown portion. Not much happened during this part. Howard was trying to rush through it to get to Ivan Reitman's phone call. After the Evening Gown portion of the pageant all of the scores were added up and each judge's top three were announced. Here's how they came out:
- Ross: Beth=1st | Jennifer=2nd | Jen=3rd
- Ratso: Beth=1st | Jennifer and Vanessa tied for 2nd
- Roger: Vanessa=1st | Amy=2nd | Jen=3rd
- Robin: Beth=1st | Amy=2nd | Jen=3rd
- Jackie: Beth=1st | Jen=2nd | Amy=3rd
- Fred: Beth=1st | Amy=2nd | Vanessa=3rd
The obvious winner was Beth. Beth topped almost all of the judges lists for first place. It was her dancing talent that probably got her over the top. Beth gets to take home $1000 plus a trip to Los Angeles and a bunch of other prizes. After the winner was announced Howard, Robin, Gary, Jackie and Fred all sang the closing song. Gary took a while to get the final scores for the rest of the contestants so it was announced much later in the show. At around 9:50 Gary gave the final standings. Beth had a total of 214 points, Vanessa had 187 and Amy came in a close third with 185 points. This should be one hell of an E! show!
-- Monday January 20, 1997 --
Best Of Stern. 1/20/97.
Well I have some good news and some bad news. First the bad news... Howard wasn't on live today. Somehow he managed to get a 4 day weekend for himself. Now the good news... Howard WILL be back live tomorrow! So for those of you who have gone into withdrawal already, just hang in there until tomorrow morning. Featured on today's Best Of: Richard Simmons getting berated by Howard for half an hour, Jerry Seinfeld on the phone, Captain Janks phony phone call, Geraldo plays ''Guess Who's The Jew'', some bitch on the phone complaining about Howard's Fartman appearance on the MTV Awards, woman who went out with Gary called in, Stuttering John quick interview and some 5'2'', 180 pound woman complains about Howard making fun of fat people. Wow! What a variety of stuff today!
-- Friday January 17, 1997 --
Best Of Stern. 1/17/97.
Well Howard wasn't in for some reason today. It probably had something to do with his movie. A little bird told me that Howard may be ''having a supersecret screening in Seattle this weekend or tonight to test an area that has no Stern show market for their reaction to the movie''. I guess we'll find out on Monday... Featured on today's Best Of: Vince Neil of Motley Crue, Captain Janks, Corbin Bernsen, 25 minutes of Gilbert Gottfried's Jerry Seinfeld impression, Jessica Hahn, Boy George.
-- Thursday January 16, 1997 --
More On The Fugees. 1/16/97. 6:10am
Howard read a letter from the Fugees management company. It basically said that the Fugees don't dislike Howard and they don't go around bad mouthing him anywhere. But then Howard said that someone heard the lead singer saying stuff about him on Tuesday. The management company was probably just trying to keep Howard from bashing the hell out of their band. I'm sure we'll hear more about this in the future.
The Pepper Spray Sponsor. 1/16/97. 6:15am
Some sponsor from Philadelphia offered to pay either one listener $2500 or one K-Rock employee $4000 if they agree to be sprayed by pepper spray. This is all to demonstrate the power of this crap. Well who the hell would want to be put through such a horrible experience? More people than you could imagine! People are just about lining up to get the money. Listeners are calling in volunteering and so are K-Rock employees! People have been talking about what this stuff does to you. It blinds you for a period of time and brings you to your knees. The effects last anywhere from 45 minutes to a few days. It's not a pleasant experience. Howard doesn't know if he wants to put someone through this but it may happen. If they want to make it a realistic dramatization they should get a convicted felon to volunteer. One that's on drugs carrying a gun. Then see how the stuff works. Daniel Baldwin heard about this and called in a little later.
Daniel Baldwin Calls In. 1/16/97. 6:30am
Yet another Baldwin brother called Howard. A few days ago it was Steven, today it was Daniel. This was his first call to the show. Daniel just wanted to tell Howard that he's heard good things about Private Parts. He also said that he'd like to be the one to spray the pepper spray into someone's face. Daniel also told a story about how he and his brothers used to torture their younger brother Steven. One time they tied him up in a carpet, put him in a bathtub and turned the water on. The water came up to his face and they stuck a straw in his mouth so he could breath when the water went over his mouth. The did all of this because Steven wanted to become a magician. This is one trick he couldn't pull off. He couldn't get out of the rolled up carpet so his brothers had to let him out. Sounds like a hell of a childhood for Steven. Maybe he'll come on the show to do the pepper spray demonstration...
More On The Intern Beauty Pageant. 1/16/97. 8:05am
Yesterday Howard met a couple of the interns that will be in the beauty pageant. Today there were a few more to meet. First of all Gary said that the prize money has been increased to $1000 for first place, $300 for second and $200 for third. Other sponsors have offered a few other things as prizes. None of them are that great so far. Dominic Barbara called in and donated a paid airfare vacation to Puerto Rico for the winner. Today Howard met Jennifer, Jen, Beth, Vanessa and Amy. He spent time talking to the girls and finding out some info. Here are some of the things Howard found out:
- Beth: 23 years old, measurements are 34, 24, 36
- Jen: 22 years old, loves Howard
- Jennifer: 19 years old, also loves Howard
- Vanessa: 21 years old, Interns for E!
- Amy: Not an intern but qualifies for pageant
They've moved the day of the pageant to next Tuesday. I'll have the full story then...
Stump The JokeMan. 1/16/97. 8:55am
Giving away tickets isn't easy when you play Stump The JokeMan with Jackie The JokeMan. Howard had tickets to the premiere of Rodney Dangerfield's new movie ''Meet Wally Sparks'' to give away. People called in and tried to stump the JokeMan but nobody could do it. Howard must have gone through 20 people and none of them could stump Jackie. Jackie knew every single punch line. Eventually Howard had to just give the tickets to a random caller. Can anyone Stump The Jokeman???
-- Wednesday January 15, 1997 (Replayed on Master Tape Theatre February 28, 2010 and Sunday, August 14, 2011) --
Ian the Drunk Russian Rambles On And On Once Again. 1/15/97. 6:10am
This drunken bastard calls in to the show almost every day according to Gary and John. Today he was complaining about the usual kind of crap. While he was rambling about Ivan Reitman being a ''nobody'' Howard would just keep talking to Robin. Ian can talk and talk without stopping for hours. Stuttering John once said that he can put Ian on hold for 10 minutes then pick up and Ian didn't even know that he had been on hold! Back before the Presidential election Ian had promised to come down to the studio after the election was over. Well he hasn't come down and he still wouldn't agree to come down. Howard didn't have to hang up on Ian today like he usually does. Ian actually said ''good bye'' for once.
Watching The Temperature Rise... 1/15/97. 7:45am
Howard was complaining about the temperature in the studio early this morning. The first time he complained Jackie told Howard that it was about 80 degrees in there. Howard asked to have the heat turned down but it just kept getting hotter and hotter as the morning went on. By 8:15 the temperature was up to 96 degrees and still rising. They used to have the exact same problem at the old studio so Howard figured it would be fixed with the new one. He was wrong. Around 8:25 the temperature hit three digits.. 100 degrees! They did eventually get a company to come down and check things out. The temperature may have gone even higher but Howard was probably too hot to complain anymore.
Planning The Intern Beauty Pageant. 1/15/97. 8:35am
There has been a lot of talk about the beautiful interns being hired at K-Rock lately. Last week Howard and the gang discussed having an Intern Beauty Pageant. Today Howard got to meet one of the interns that will be competing. 19 year old Jennifer, who interns in the promotions department, came into the studio to find out just what the beauty pageant will consist of. The prize money will be $500 and there may be other prizes included. Gary said that there will be about 4 categories:
1. Sexy Outfit
2. Evening Gown
3. Talent
4. Questioning
The sexy outfit doesn't have to be a bathing suit, although it would help. So far they have about 6 interns that will compete. The pageant will probably happen next Tuesday. Gary said that he wants to have some time to get organized and have a set built for the E! show. One other contestant, Amy, is not actually an intern but she was one 3 months ago so she gets to enter. Yet another intern, Beth, called in to say that she's going to be competing. Some of the potential judges are Lonnie Hanover from Scores, Larry 'Ratso' Sloman and 'Grandpa' Al Lewis from the Munsters. This should be a hell of a show next week. Jennifer was saying that she used to watch Howard's WWOR tv show when she was a kid and she used to love him. Howard started saying that he'd like to sleep with some of these young interns. Then someone pointed out that Howard was graduating High School in 1972 and Jennifer wasn't born until 1977. That may have put things in perspective for Howard.
-- Tuesday January 14, 1997 --
Howard's Weekend. 1/14/97. 6:00am
Yesterday Howard had his hands full with the birthday show so he didn't get a chance to talk much about his weekend out in California. Today he spent about an hour talking about making a music video with Porno For Pyros for the first single off of his movie soundtrack album. He said that there will be a lot of unusual people in the video. One of those people called in. It was a woman who said she weighs over 250 pounds. She said she had fun making the video. There will also be midgets in the video. Howard even got some dancing lessons from Perry Farrell of Porno For Pyros.
The Birthday Show. 1/14/97. 7:30am
What did the party really cost? Tom Chiusano said that it was into the 3 figure range after all was said and done. Yesterday Howard mentioned that it was about $80,000. Some people were pissed at Bloated Attorney Dominic Barbara during and after the party yesterday. Apparently he was sneaking people into the party and bossing people around. The party was already overbooked and Dominic was sneaking friends of friends into the thing. Tom said that there were over 600 people invited! I think Dominic counted as 3!
Some Celebrities Who Turned Down The Birthday Show. 1/14/97. 7:40am
Here's a list of some celebrities who refused to appear on the big birthday show: Demi Moore, George Clooney, Steve Martin, Bob Dole (the real one), Bill Clinton, Winona Rider, Sharon Stone, Tom Hanks, Tony Danza, Oprah, Bill Murray, Sandra Bullock, Michael Jordan, Antonio Banderes and the Fugees. Surprisingly the one people that pissed him off the most were the Fugees. Howard said that he heard that the Fugees have been bad mouthing him all over the place. They accused him of spreading a rumor that he didn't start. He said he still likes their album but he's really pissed at them for how they've treated him. ''...F-The Fugees!..'' is how Howard ended the subject. E! also asked some celebrities to wish Howard a happy birthday on camera. Alan Alda just said ''.happy birthday...'' real quick and wouldn't add Howard's name to that. Marissa Tomei's smile was wiped right off her face when asked to do the birthday wish. She then backed away from the camera without saying a word. Howard went off on her. He said that her career is over and she's not that great of an actor...''..one trick pony...and pony for sure with those horse teeth...eat me bitch...F-Marissa Tomei!...''. Wow! Be careful about what you say about Howard! Drew Barrymore pulled a similar stunt. She refused to say anything about Howard.
Steven Baldwin Calls In. 1/14/97. 7:55am
Kim Basinger's brother-in-law, Steven Baldwin, called in just to say ''hi'' to Howard. Steven had been out to see a movie when he saw the Private Parts movie trailer. He told Howard that it looked very well produced. He also told Howard that he fell in love with him after seeing it. Then he told Howard that when he did a search on the internet for ''Howard Stern'' it only came back with 26 items.. I guess Steven hasn't learned how to do a proper search yet. Howard also told Steven about his flight out to California with Kim Basinger. He said that he went to the bathroom right after Kim and that the bathroom didn't stink at all.
Dominic Barbara Defends Himself. 1/14/97. 9:10am
Dominic had to call in to defend himself after being accused of sneaking people into the birthday show. He said that most of the accusations were false. You could tell that he's a friggin lawyer by the way he tried to snake his way out of everything. Tom Chiusano came in during the phone call and yelled at Dominic for a couple of minutes.
-- Monday January 13, 1997 --
Happy Birthday Howard! 1/13/97. 6:00am - 7:00am
Today was the big Howard Stern Birthday show live from the Sony Music Studio's in Manhattan. This was the most expensive birthday show that Howard has ever had. Robin told Howard that it cost around $80,000! Howard started off the morning by saying that he spent the weekend out in California doing a music video with Porno For Pyros! That song will be the first one released off of the movie soundtrack album for Private Parts. He didn't get into much detail about his weekend since he had the big b'day show to keep him busy. The first guest to call into the show was Jay Leno. This seems to be Jay's normal time slot for calling in on the birthday show. Howard wound up just about begging Jay to come on his show to promote the movie. Jay was still upset about the last appearance that Howard made on his show. Eventually Howard got Jay to agree to let him on the show but it wasn't exactly the birthday gift that Howard was looking for. Howard announced some of the people visiting out in the audience. The guy with the world's largest feet was there, so was the tallest woman in the world.
The Birthday Show... 7:00am - 8:00am 1/13/97.
During this hour Beck came in and performed a couple of songs. Howard talked with him for a little while. Comedian Chris Rock also came in and hung out for a few minutes.
The Birthday Show... 8:00am - 9:00am 1/13/97.
Howard spoke to Crackhead Bob and asked him how his date went the other day. Bob said that he's just friends with the woman. Kenneth Keith Kallenbach was also there. Tom Arnold came in and had a short conversation with birthday boy Howard. Tom has lost about 75 pounds since his last visit. He's got a couple of movies coming out in the next few months. One guest was a big surprise... Morton Downey Jr.! Howard hasn't talked to Morton since Howard and the gang bet on when Morton would die after having part of a lung removed. Morton seemed to be over everything, at least for one day. The Wall Flowers came in and performed a couple of songs. Donald Trump also came in and had a few laughs with Howard.
The Birthday Show... 9:00am - 10:00am 1/13/97.
Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) came in to wish Howard a happy birthday. Sylvester Stallone called in. Howard said hi to a bunch of people in the audience. Allison Norris (Fred's wife) said that she may be going out to California to do some acting.. without Fred!!! I'm sure we'll here more on this soon.
The Birthday Show... 10:00am - 10:30am 1/13/97.
An unscheduled guest called in wondering why he wasn't invited to the bash... New York Governor Patacki! Robin said that she figured that he was just a very busy man and she didn't want to bother him. Governor Patacki was happy to call in and wish Howard the best. Veruka Salt played their hit song ''Seether'' for Howard and explained just what ''Seether'' meant. That was something that Howard has wondered about in the past. Howard closed the show by saying hi to a bunch of other people in the audience. His Sister Ellen was there, Captain Janks, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach who's scene was cut from both Jerry Mcguire and Private Parts, a couple of midgets, and Uzo were also there. Tom Chiusano sang Happy Birthday to Howard off key. If you want to see the Birthday Show check out E! Entertainment every night this week at 11pm. And I'm sure that Kevin will have more on the party over at The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter.
-- Friday January 10, 1997 --
Surprise! No Birthday Show Today! 1/10/97.
Much to my surprise there was no surprise birthday show for Howard today. It will probably happen next Monday.
Holy Crap! Elephant Boy Comes Out Of The Closet!!! 1/10/97. 7:40am
Today was a big day for Elephant Boy! What started out as a simple thing turned into a big deal. Elephant Boy was coming down with his girlfriend from Cleveland and a friend of hers. The friend was supposed to be hooking up with Crackhead Bob. When they got there the girl said that she didn't really want to date Bob, she just wanted a free meal out of the deal. That was just the beginning. Howard had tape of Elephant Boy leaving a message on one of those personal ads where you call in and leave a message for the person you want to date. The surprising thing was that Elephant Boy was looking for a ''...couple in their 30's or 40's where the man is Bi(-sexual)...''! At first he said that he was just messing around goofing on the sex line but he quickly admitted to have had sexual encounters with men in his past and that he's actually Bi-Sexual himself!!! He said that his new year's resolution is to always tell Howard the truth... maybe this is too much truth! The whole Crackhead Bob thing was just about forgotten once Elephant Boy let this loose. EB made the message while he and his girlfriend were broken up so it wasn't really a goof. He was horny and he needed some sex. When Howard questioned Elephant Boy about who in the studio he's attracted to the most he said that Fred (Eric) is the best one. Fred couldn't look at Elephant Boy once he heard that. Elephant Boy said that he'd never act on that feeling but it's there. Everyone has wondered why Elephant Boy enjoys pro wrestling so damn much.. now you have the answer! Howard asked EB if he'd ever used his mouth on another man, he said yes. Jackie stated his ''OH OH'' stuff when he heard that. Elephant Boy then said that he just wants to tell the truth. This story should definitely win an F-Emmy this year. Getting back to Crackhead Bob... This woman that Elephant Boy brought along didn't even know what Bob looked like before she came down. She was quite surprised once he came into the studio. Her eyes apparently rolled back in her head when she saw him. Bob said that he didn't want to go out with this women since he knows that the relationship wouldn't have a chance in hell of going anywhere. Eventually he agreed to double date with Elephant Boy and his girlfriend. They're supposed to go to an S&M club tonight. That would be a hell of a sight!
Lauren Holly Comes In To Plug Her Movie. 1/10/97. 8:40am
The beautiful Lauren Holly, better known as Jim Carrey's(the white guy from In Living Color) wife, came in to plug her movie this morning. During the interview she said that she's a fan of Howard's and she listens quite often. The interview wasn't that informative. Lauren was afraid of a lot of Howard's questions so she avoided them. Howard questioned her about Jim Carrey and about her new movie ''Turbulence'' which comes out today. She said that she lands the plane in her bra. Howard said that she has really nice breasts. Howard told Lauren that the best way to get his listeners to go see her movie was to give each one a hug and put her hand down their pants. I agree. That's the only way I'd go see that movie. Ray Liotta also stars in the movie with Lauren.
The Mike Walker Game. 1/10/97. 9:30am
Well, Mike Walker is back after a few weeks off from his weekly game. As usual here are 4 stories, 3 of which will be appearing in The National Enquirer. One of them is a fake. The crew has to figure out which one is the phony. Here were the stories:
1. Antonio Banderes told his wife to kick her chain smoking habit or get out.
2. Betty White saves a drowned dog with mouth to mouth CPR.
3. Baywatch producers charge Pamela Anderson Lee $15,000 to remove the name ''Lee'' from show credits.
4. Ellen Degeneres and her girlfriend were heard arguing about who was going to pay a food bill, Ellen told her girlfriend ''..I wear the pants in this relationship so I'm paying...''
Robin was the first person to take a guess. She picked the Betty White story as being the phony. Fred wasn't playing because he knew the answer already. Jackie The JokeMan chose the Antonio Banderes story as the phony and Howard picked the Baywatch story. The winner was Robin with the Betty White story...and that's that.
-- Thursday January 9, 1997 --
David Faustino Drops In With His Girlfriend. 1/9/97. 7:50am
5'3'' tall David Faustino, who's better known as Bud Bundy on Married With Children, dropped in with his 5'8'' tall girlfriend to give Howard a birthday cake. They're a few days early since Howard's birthday isn't until Sunday. This was a surprise to Howard. He has spoken to David on the phone in the past but he's never been on the show in person. David's girlfriend Elaine is also an actor. She's done a few television appearances and has a movie coming out around the same time as Howard's. Married With Children has been on for 11 years already. It's the longest running sitcom in TV history. David gave a little plug for the show since it recently moved to Monday nights at 9:00.
Speech Impediment Man Comes In. 1/9/97. 8:20am
This guy Speech Impediment Man was in a while back. He's an unfunny comedian who talks like he's slightly retarded or something. He dropped by the studio just to get a little air time today. Howard didn't want to bring the guy in because he's not that funny to listen to and he's not that funny as a comedian. S.I.M. wanted to see if Howard could try and get him a date off the phones but Howard didn't even want to try. That's what he had done the last time SIM came in and nothing came out of that attempt..not one date. So SIM just sat there like a lump for a few minutes until Howard got sick of him and kicked him out of the studio. SIM was pretty bummed about the whole thing so Howard said that he'd bring him back when Elaina came in.
Elaina, Another Woman In Love With Howard. 1/9/97. 8:55am
Very early this morning Howard took a phone call from another woman fan who says that she's in love with him. She says that she's really in love with him and that she's really cute. Lucky for Howard she lives in Brooklyn so it wasn't much of a trip for her to make down to the studio. By 8:45 or so she was ready to meet Howard. Howard seemed to think she was pretty good looking but these women always exaggerate when they describe themselves. Speech Impediment Man was still in the building while this girl was being interviewed so Howard asked her if she would like to date him. Of course she turned down the offer because she had met the guy out in the hall shortly before coming in. He's not good looking and he talks funny so she turned him down. She wouldn't even give him a chance.. who can blame her? Stuttering John came in and said that SIM was out in the green room just about in tears. Howard had SIM come back into the studio but he wasn't really crying. Howard tried again to get Elaina to give him a chance but she wouldn't budge. Next thing you know she's asking him to show her his tongue to see if he could give good oral sex. He stuck it out and wagged it around like a dog's tail. This turned her off even more so the two of them won't be going out anywhere, anytime.
Howard Mentions The Movie Premiere. 1/9/97. 10:00am
Howard's not giving us all of the details yet but he did talk a little bit about the premiere today. A phone caller asked Howard if he could be invited to the premiere, Howard told him no but went on to give a couple of details about it. He said that there will be bands playing before the movie and that MTV will be covering the whole thing live. This premiere is supposed to happen at Madison Square Garden at an unspecified date. When I hear more I'll post it right here in Mark's Friggin Stern Show News.
-- Wednesday January 8, 1997 --
Howard Number 2 In Los Angeles. 1/8/97. 6:05am
Howard was reading more ratings early this morning. These were from Los Angeles. He said that he's number two overall but he's still being beaten by a spanish station out there.
Stuttering John At The Grammy Nominations. 1/8/97. 7:20am
Stuttering John got a few interviews from yesterday's Grammy nominations. Today's list of victims is:Richard Marx, Jewel, Busta Rhymes and Steven Curtis Chapman. Most of you are probably wondering who most of those people are... you're not alone. Richard Marx hasn't had a hit in quite some time but he used to be good friends with the show so he went along with the questioning. John asked him ''who are you?'', ''what do you do that makes you famous?'' and ''would you give one of your testicles to the devil for one more hit?''. Richard goofed around with John and tried to have fun with the questions. Jewel is a woman who has a hit song ''Who Will Save Your Soul''. John only got off a couple of questions before she told him to f-off. Busta Rhymes, a rap star, hung in for most of John's questions. Busta says that he's a fan of Howard's. John asked questions about why there's no melodies in rap songs and stuff like that. Busta had fun with John for about 5 minutes. When John asked him about O.J. and what he thought of the whole thing Busta didn't have an answer. He was outta there after the O.J. question. The last interview was with some lame ass by the name of Steven Curtis Chapman. John gave him the ''Who are you?'' line of questioning. This guy was to polite to tell John to f-off so he answered the questions as well as he could. That is until John asked him about Howard. The guy rambled on about religion and crap. He's some gospel singer.. who cares. That was it for John's questions today.
Phil, The Guy Who Got Laid... 1/8/97. 8:25am
This guy called in back in December and told Howard his story about getting laid after meeting a woman at a Jackie The JokeMan appearance. Today he came in to show off his woman. Phil is a guy who's been on the show before. He does a Rodney Dangerfield voice that's pretty good. Today he did the voice so damn much that it got really annoying. Phil told his story over again but this time he had the woman sitting next to him to help it along. Howard said that the woman was really cute. According to Howard Phil is a big fat guy so it's amazing that he got this woman. Howard asked her if Phil was well endowed.. She said ''no.. He's pretty small..'' but she wasn't disappointed by his performance. He managed to satisfy her before completing his mission. The woman had gotten in a fight with her boyfriend not too long before meeting Phil so he was in the right place at the right time. Lucky guy...
Chunky Chick From Yesterday. 1/8/97. 9:05am
Deirdre, the woman who called Howard yesterday came in this morning to show herself off. Howard had Phil and his woman stay in the studio while Deirdre did her interview. Howard said that she wasn't that bad looking, he was expecting worse. He told her that from the waist up she was a 6 or a 7 but from the waist down she was a 4. Her ass was too large. It turns out that this woman was or is kind of wacky. Gary pointed out some unusual marks on her arm. She said that she used to cut herself when she was younger. She also used to pan handle to get money for drugs and flash her breasts for a dollar out on the streets of New York City. Howard offered her a dollar to flash him but she held out for a little more. Phil was there with about $20 to chip in. She eventually showed her breasts. Howard sounded impressed. He said they were nice. Howard told her that he wouldn't sleep with her because he'd be afraid that she's cut herself when he broke up with her. I guess his marriage has nothing to do with not sleeping with another woman? This should be another good E! show.
-- Tuesday January 7, 1997 --
Howard Number One In New York City! 1/7/97. 6:00am
Howard was going over the most recent ratings book this morning. He said that his show came in about one and a half ratings points above the all news station, WINS. Howard had an 8.4 and WINS had a 6.0. He was very thankful to all of the listeners in the tri-state area.
The Future Mistress For Howard? 1/7/97. 6:30am
A young woman called in this morning claiming that Howard was the only person who could please her sexually. She said that she can only get an orgasm when thinking of him. Howard talked to her for a while about her body and how he could cheat on his wife with her. She told Howard that she was 5'4'' tall and weighed 104 pounds with C-cup breasts. Eventually Howard invited her down to the studio. He put her on hold so Gary could get her information down. Then Howard started wondering if she was telling the truth about her looks. He got her back on the phone and asked her to tell the truth. At first she said that she was a 9 on a scale from 1 to 10. But that quickly started to fall. She started to get very honest. She told Howard that she's actually 5 feet tall and weighs 104 pounds. She told the truth about her cup size! Then she said that she has a big ass and ''chunky thighs''. That ''9'' was heading right into the toilet. Jackie said that she probably looks like an upside down lightbulb! I think that she's still planning to come down to meet Howard but she's probably going to regret it. She said that she looks like a cross between Drew Barrymore and Bette Middler! Uhhhgggg... Howard said that any mix that includes Bette Middler can't be a good one. She then said that she looks more like Drew Barrymore than Bette. I guess we'll find out if she comes on for a visit.
Dee Snider And Roger. 1/7/97. 7:40am
Dee Snider, formerly of Twisted Sister, and his buddy Roger came in to visit this morning. Howard knows Roger through Dee. It turns out that Roger is an unusual guy. Dee told some wacky stories about Roger while they were there. Roger scares a lot of people with his overprotective personality and his dual personalities. For instance when he played pool against Howard one time he told Howard that he was ''Maaco the pool shark'' during the game and Roger after the game. Anyway Roger has worked his way into the bizarre world of interviewing serial killers. He somehow became friends with a reporter by the name of Steve Dunleavy. Steve has Roger get interviews with people such as Joel Rifkin, a serial killer. Roger has over 1000 hours of audio taped phone calls with Rifkin. That's right, 1000 hours. He brought in some clips from those interviews to play for Howard. Gary came in and told Howard that it took over a month to get clearance to play the tapes because Rifkin's lawyers were trying to stop them from playing them. Howard played a couple of the clips and Roger sounded more disturbed than Joel Rifkin! Roger was laughing at some really sick things that Rifkin was saying. On one call it was hard to tell who was talking because they both sounded kind of twisted in their logic. Roger has also had the privilege of meeting the Zodiac Killer, the Central Park Rapist and Colin Fergusen the Long Island RailRoad killer. All in all this was a very unusual appearance. I wish I could describe it better...
Robin's Last Sexual Experience... 1/7/97. 10:00am
Robin mentioned that she hadn't had sex in about 6 or seven years a few months back. Well today she was talking about it once again. It was New Years day 1990 when Robin changed her life forever. Robin had a wild night of sex but the next morning for her new years resolution she decided to get rid of her boyfriend. She fed him breakfast and when he was all done she asked him ''..don't you think it's time for you to leave?'' and ever since then she hasn't had sex with another man. Wow.. what a nut.
-- Monday January 6, 1997 --
Nick Clemons On The Phone. 1/6/97. 6:40am
After reading reports about Clarence Clemons, from the E Street Band, being arrested for allegedly pushing his girlfriend around Howard and Robin decided to contact his son Nick to find out the real story. Well Nick said that none of the story was correct. He denied almost everything that was reported in the newspaper. He said that his father isn't in jail like the news report said and that the incident that was described didn't happen in Florida. This was an exclusive with Nick I guess... That's the only reason I'm reporting on it.
Albert Brooks Comes In. 1/6/97. 7:45am
Well after last Friday's phone call who expected Albert to actually show up? Howard told him that he needed a naked woman to sit on his lap to bring the ratings of the E! show up to where they should be. Albert agreed to it so Brittany from Scores was in the studio right along side of Albert. Howard brought Brittany in before Albert to coach her a little bit. Howard told her to call Albert "Alan" when he came in just to freak him out a little bit. Albert came in and Brittany did her job. She kept calling him Alan but Albert just played along with the joke. Albert was in to plug his new movie ''Mother'' which will be released nationwide this coming Friday. It's already been released in New York and Los Angeles. Howard decided to take a couple of phone calls to see if people wanted to ask Albert anything. Each call was directed towards Brittany. Guys were asking her how much it would cost for a lap dance and stuff like that. Of course the calls were set up that way just to freak out Albert once again. Brittany showed her breasts once during the interview because things were going a little slow. A little later she showed everyone her ass. Howard said that the interview went pretty well since Brittany only had to show her stuff twice. At the end of the interview Howard had Scott Einziger from E! come in and give his opinion on how things went. He also said that it will make for a good E! show.
STOP! Don't Shake Howard's Hand! 1/6/97. 9:15am
Howard got into a discussion about germs after reading a report on hand washing. The report said that only about 60 percent of people wash their hands after taking a dump. Howard said that he hates when people shake his hand because he knows that they're probably filthy. As a matter of fact Howard has started wearing a finger less glove when he goes out in public so when people do shake his hand he's not exposed to all of those germs. Howard said that he'd like people to bow to him instead. He even said that he'd bow back as long as you don't shake his hand. That conversation let into tons of stories from listeners about spitting into people's food at restaurants. Gary, Steve Grillo and Mike Gange also had their own stories to tell about doing things to people's food at the restaurants they worked at when they were younger. It makes you sick enough that you don't want to eat at any restaurant.
-- Friday January 3, 1997 --
Welcome Columbus Ohio To The Stern Listening Family! 1/3/97. 6:00am
99.7 WBZX The Blitz is now broadcasting Howard Stern in the morning in Columbus Ohio. This station is the number one rock station in the Columbus Market. I'm sure Howard will do well there... Could this be the year of 100 affiliates? Howard said that it'll be the year of 300!
Albert Brooks Calls In. 1/3/97. 8:20am
Albert Brooks, star of the new movie ''Mother'', was on the phone this morning. Howard had him on to tell him why he wasn't going to be invited into the studio. Howard explained how he really likes Albert and what a genius he is. Albert thinks the same of Howard pretty much. But the last time Albert was on the E! show the show got horrible ratings. So Howard told Albert that they had to do something a little crazy to keep the ratings up. Howard made the suggestion that they have a naked woman sit on Albert's lap while he's being interviewed. Albert agreed to it! He wants to be on the show so bad that he'll sit there with a naked woman on his lap. I believe that this will be happening sometime next week so stay tuned for more information!
Two Fools From E! 1/3/97. 9:40am
Howard announced that 2 guys on the E! crew got engaged during the Christmas vacation. Scott DePace and Eric Gump both made the plunge. Howard had the two of them in the studio to try and talk sense to them. He had tried to do the same a few years ago with Gary but wasn't successful. Gary was also in the studio while Howard tried to tell them not to get married. Gary was on Howard's side this time. He has finally seen the light and now thinks that these two should just enjoy their lives as they are now. Neither of them would listen to Howard or Gary so they'll have to learn the hard way. Good luck to both of them... fools...
-- Thursday January 2, 1997 --
Howard's Back From Vacation! 1/2/97. 6:00am
The wait is over! Howard and the gang returned from their two and a half week vacation this morning. As soon as the show started Howard mentioned that he had gone out to California to see his movie for the first time with an audience. The movie wasn't totally complete yet, it's almost finished except for the music. He also said that he spent New Years Eve wasted with a couple of guys goofing on Jackie The JokeMan's web page. Robin spent some of her vacation flying to India! Howard couldn't believe that Robin would waste her time going to such a place. She talked about her horrible experience today...
Robin's Vacation In Hell. 1/2/97. 6:30am
Robin flew over to England on the Concorde to start off her vacation. Robin said that flight was okay other than being noisy and cramped. It took her only 3 hours to fly over to England but once she got there she was stuck for 2 days before she could fly to her destination of India. She flew to India on a British Airways airplane. ''Their first class is the best..'' said Robin. Once she landed in India and got off the plane she knew that she was in trouble. The place was horrible. Robin only lasted about a day and a half before booking a flight out of there. She talked about how the cab drivers would rip her off and how she had to sleep on a 2 inch mattress in the hotel she stayed at. She also got to see some leppers while over there. People with body parts that just fall off asking for hand outs. Robin was supposed to meet up with friends there but didn't stay long enough to do so. After her one night stay in the dumpy hotel she was ready to get the hell out. Her second night at a so called 5 star hotel was spent booking a flight out of India-hell.
Kreskin Predicts Multiple Oscars For Private Parts! 1/2/97. 7:00am
Howard heard that the Amazing Kreskin predicted that Howard's movie will get multiple Oscar nominations after it comes out. Gary tracked down Kreskin and got him on the phone. Howard quickly asked him a few questions and got him off the phone. Kreskin was rambling on about all kinds of nonsense while he was on the phone so Howard just rushed through the call. We didn't find out much more about the prediction than we already knew.
Howard's First Movie Screening. 1/2/97. 8:00am
Howard had to spend some of his vacation out in California doing some work for his movie. One thing he did was spend an evening at a test screening at a regular movie theater. No one knew that Howard was in the theater watching. Two rows of the theater were taken up by Paramount Pictures executives but the rest of the theater was filled with regular people who agreed to check out the movie. Before the movie started the movie people had planned on holding back about 50 people to ask them what could be made better. After the screening everyone was applauding so the movie execs decided that they didn't need to hold back anyone. It went better than expected. Howard was thrilled and amazed. He went on the internet to see if there were any reviews of the screening. He found one and read it this morning. He also had two guys on the phone who saw the screening. They were both fans who loved it. The movie's release date has been set as March 7 of this year. Howard also talked about the rest of his trip to Los Angeles. He had meetings with his agent and Rob Zombie about his movie soundtrack. He also hung out with Jon Stewart and discussed ''the business''.
Howard's Nose Job. 1/2/97.
A lot of people were wondering if Howard was going to get his nose job done during his vacation. Well he said that he'd planned on doing it then but changed his mind for now. He also decided not to get a tattoo although he has someone working on designs for him.
The Studio Door Finally Has A Lock! 1/2/97.
Well one thing happened while Howard was away that should make him happy. The new studio now has a lock on the door. He mentioned this today but said that he thinks that everyone has a key. We'll see how that goes. One thing that was missing from the station was Robins news feed machine. Her Associated Press news feed was taken out by Tom Cheasano so she won't have access to late breaking stories. I guess that was the trade off for the lock on the studio.
-- Wednesday January 1, 1997 --
Happy New Year! 1/1/97.
No show today.

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