|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
|Please help support MarksFriggin.com by using these sites:|
(Sirius, XM merch and more)
(Just about everything)
Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how he doesn't do characters anymore. He was doing his Out of the closet Stern character voice. He said that he evolved into this voice he does now. Howard said he was reading about Letterman and how he doesn't do weird stunts on his show anymore. Howard said his staff asked why not and he said he's just over it. Howard said on NBC he would do overnight's and he was doing the Out of the Closet Stern gargling Fred's semen on the air. Howard said they got angry with that of course. He said he's done it all already.
Howard said he's been very busy over the past couple of days. He said by 8 o'clock he won't be so energetic. Howard told Robin that he's going to do Letterman on Wednesday since it's his 30th anniversary. Howard said he was thinking about Letterman and read about him in an article in the Daily News about him and they had something about him doing Dave's show. Howard said it said that between his time at NBC and CBS he's been on his show 41 times. Howard said that's remarkable since he's tried not to go on that show. He said that it should be a retrospective of all of his visits instead of Dave's anniversary.
Howard said there's a lot of pressure on him about this show. He said there was a lot in the paper today actually. Howard read some of the article about Dave where they mentioned him. Howard said he's not sure how into it Dave is going to be that it's his 30th anniversary. Howard said Rob Burnett was talking about this special in the article too. They're saying they're going to keep it low key. Robin asked why he's on TV if he doesn't want to draw attention to himself. Howard said that's a good question.
Howard said that Dave loves attention. He said he's a narcissist. Howard said that if you want to keep a low profile then you don't go on TV at all.
Howard said he remembers Dave starting out on NBC in 1982. Howard was starting out at the same time on NBC and people thought he was David Letterman. He said when they found out he was the radio guy they didn't care who he was.
Howard said he found out that he's been on Dave's show on CBS 26 times. He said that he thinks that if you double 26 up you get 42. Robin said that's actually 52. Howard said the majority must have been on CBS then. Howard said Robin's math was impressive. He wasn't able to do it that fast.
Howard read more of the article where he was mentioned. Howard said that Rob said he and Dave are kindred spirits. Howard said he and Dave both hate attention and he thinks Rob knows that.
In the article they talk about how Dave redefined late night and things like that. Howard said that's true. They pointed out some of the things that Dave has done in the past few years and how he's been honest.
Howard said Dave allows Rob to speak to the press because he does a good job. Howard said when he let Gary talk to the press he'd fuck it up. He had to stop him from speaking to the press. Howard said Gary would say things that got him in trouble. He said that Gary got upset that he wouldn't let him speak to the press. He said that he'd always fuck things up because he was too honest. Gary said that's just not true. Howard said it's tough to speak for him because there are certain ways of speaking to the press and he just can't let other people do it.
Howard said he should get the articles out where Gary got him charged up. He said that would get him going again.
Howard read more of the article and talked about some of the stuff Rob was saying in the article. Howard said he's feeling a lot of pressure now. He said he's a special guest on his 30th anniversary show. Howard said they should have the girls he fucked on a panel or something. He said that would be great. He said he should have the woman who tried to extort him and the guy who was involved. Howard said they could probably count up more girls than he had visits there.
Howard read more of Rob Burnett's quotes. Howard said he's going to refer the press to Rob from now on. He said that's what he should do. Gary said Rob loves Howard just as much so that might work. Howard said he thinks it would work. He said you know Dave isn't yelling at Rob today.
Howard said he figured he could go on Dave's show and promote America's Got Talent. He said it's weird with these shows like American Idol. He said that their ratings have dropped. Howard said that Bob Lefsetz was writing about this and he points out that everyone wants to be nice on these shows. He said you can't be rough just to be rough but you have to give some constructive criticism. Robin said Howard wants a huge star to come out of this or he's not doing his job. Howard said that's true. He said Lefsetz was saying the greats never try out for these kind of shows. Robin said that once in a while you do get someone.
Howard said he was watching an old Gong Show and he saw how they'd write something down during the performance and show the card. Howard said he might have to bring that back. He said he could start making the show about him if that happens. Howard said he has to watch it. Howard said he has to make sure he doesn't make it all about him.
Howard said they were very professional. He said that he had forgotten what that was like. He said when he shot his movie he felt that way. He said this commercial made it click in his head that this was very professional like the movie set was. He said he loves acting even if he's playing himself. He said he's been treated like an asshole around there lately. He said this commercial felt good and it was a nice day. He said he was a little bit of a Prima Donna though.
Howard said his call time was 9:30 and he was supposed to shoot at 10:30 but then 11:30 rolled around so he got kind of upset. Howard said he asked his agent why they didn't shoot the other stuff later. Howard said he's supposed to be the star and it was almost lunch time. Howard said his agent went and asked what was going on. Howard said he told the production assistant he was going to leave in 10 minutes if they didn't get to him. He said that they got to him in a few minutes. Howard said he was kind of confused by the whole thing.
Howard said he thought they should be shooting the other scenes and get his stuff out of the way. Robin said she can see why he'd think that. She said they gave him a certain time to be there and they didn't get to him on time. Howard said it was a great experience when they finally did get to shoot. Howard said he had a lot of fun and had a great time.
Howard got Eric on the line and said he heard from Mary McCormack about Eric on the set of the TV show. Howard said she was quite taken with him. Howard said Mary wanted to know why they make such a fuss with him. Howard said he told her that he likes Eric a lot but he can be difficult. Howard said Mary didn't see any of that on the set. Howard said he sent a copy of the letter that Eric sent to the producer, John Strauss, about his experience.
Howard read what Eric wrote to John. Eric said that his contract stated that he'd get 2 20 ounce Pepsi colas on set. He claims that he didn't get any the whole time he was there. Howard said Eric told Strauss that if it was Johnny Depp he would have gotten them. Howard said Eric is demanding that he get 4 bottles of Pepsi because of that. Howard said that Eric is saying that this is his year end and his people are giving him hell over this.
Howard asked who his people are. He asked if that's the guy who takes care of him. Eric said he's not sure he wants to say. Eric said if it's something that's promised in the contract then it should be honored. Robin asked why the Pepsi is such a problem. Eric said that for the future he's going to need things in his contract.
Howard said Robin has to hear the rest of the letter. Howard read about what Eric said about how he's not telling Johnny Fratto to get involved. Eric said they should work this out and not get any lawyers involved. Howard asked if this is a joke. Eric said it's not. Howard asked if it's a bit. Eric said it's not a bit. Howard said Mr. Strauss got in touch with Gary and asked if he's for real. Gary said Strauss went back and forth with him a few times and he found out that he sent the letter to the whole staff. Gary said Strauss is saying that he must not want to ever work again. He was ready to praise the guy but now he can't.
Howard said Eric should have said something on set while he was there. Howard said he can't be that hard up for four bottles of Pepsi.
Howard had Johnny on the line too. Johnny said that Eric though it was the principle of the thing. Howard said he should forget about the Pepsi. He said that he's going to piss this guy off and he's not going to have good thoughts about him. Eric said Johnny is in the process of negotiating the next thing which is the appearance at the Viper Room on the 14th. He said he has a Pepsi clause in that too and he wants to make sure that they don't see that they got away with it. Howard asked if the word gets out that he's going to sue over a bottle of Pepsi and no one will touch him.
Robin said if Eric didn't bring this up no one would even know about it. Howard said it would be funny to see Eric sue over 4 bottles of Pepsi. Robin said he'd never work again. Johnny said he thinks he has a guy who would take the case. Howard said Eric was implying that Johnny was going to go over there and fuck them up too. Johnny didn't think that's what Eric was doing. Howard said he does think that's what he was doing. Johnny said Eric said he didn't want to involve him in the whole thing. Howard said he was hinting that he might have to though.
Howard said he understands that he has a contract that stated 4 Pepsi bottles but sometimes you just have to leave it alone. Howard said it's just 4 bottles of soda. Eric said that if they did that to Howard he'd get upset. Howard said if it's a big item then you can't let it go. He said this isn't a big item. Howard said NBC has agreed to pay for his hotel in Los Angeles but he's willing to pay for anything over what they're willing to pay for. He said sometimes you just understand the other person's point of view. Robin said if he really needed the Pepsi he should have asked for it when he was there.
Eric said he was looking for the Pepsi and he didn't find it. Johnny said that Jon was out looking for it in the rain out there. Howard said he should have said something to them at the time. Howard said he doesn't need the Pepsi now. Howard said he shouldn't be drinking that shit anyway. Howard asked how much it is for a bottle of Pepsi. Eric said it's like a dollar to a dollar fifty. Howard said he's going to piss this guy off over 5 dollars. He said that seems a little bizarre.
Johnny said that they have to solve this because they have this Viper Room thing coming up soon. They're calling it ''Eric's Got Talent'' and he'll be judging dancers on the pole at the club. Gary said that this is the gig that Eric yelled at him for sending to him. Johnny said that it doubled into something other than the ribbon cutting. Howard said they must be listening to this hearing that he's quibbling over $5 worth of soda. Johnny said they're gathering soda as they speak.
Howard told Eric that he had a good experience and people liked him. Howard said Shuli was there and he saw what was going on. Shuli came in and said that he asked Eric if everything was good and he was fine the whole time he was there. He said he's surprised by this. He said he had his own trailer. He said they brought Tia Carrera to say hello to him. Howard asked if that's true. Eric said he did get to meet her after he was done with his scene. Howard asked if she got Pepsi.
Howard asked Eric how it was meeting her. Eric said it was good. Shuli said he heard that she was on the set and he asked if he could meet her. They brought her in and Eric got to meet her. Shuli said he loved her in Wayne's World. Howard asked what else she's done anyway. Howard said she hasn't had much of a career.
Shuli told Howard that they got to New Mexico and they had 5 cop cars outside of the library there. He said they were arresting some black guy there. Shuli said the people on set were really excited to find out when Eric was going to show up.
Howard said he's still thinking about Tia Carrera and what he last saw her in. Howard said it may have been Wayne's World 2.
Howard asked Eric if he's just a Pepsi fan. Eric said he is. Eric said that he wishes they'd bring back Vanilla Pepsi and some other types. Shuli said this is the kind of conversations they had in Eric's trailer. He said that you'd think he'd go nuts and order food but all he wants is Wendy's. Shuli said that Jon would move Eric from the bed and transfer him to the chair. He said this guy does the move so fast it's like the Globetrotters doing a move. He said he asked Jon if he's ever dropped Eric in the transfer. Jon quickly said no but he has dumped him on the sidewalk a few time. Howard said he wishes they had filmed that.
Howard asked Shuli if watching him was like watching paint dry. Shuli said that you walk into the room and just go ''holy shit'' and wonder what the hell just happened to you. He said you have a conversation and Eric has a little bit of a delay before he answers. He said he stares at you for a few seconds and then answers.
Howard asked if it's good for Eric to be eating that shit he eats. Robin said he's lived longer than he was expected to. Eric said he had a check up on the 19th and the heart problem has decreased to the point of almost being normal. Robin said they should get him in a commercial then.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who said that the crying Indian, that he mentioned earlier, was not a real Indian. Howard took that call and then took another call but the guy wasn't on the line.
Howard said he went out to lunch with his daughters yesterday and some woman came up and started auditioning for him. Howard said she started singing to him. Howard said he told her he'd put her though. He didn't know what else to say.
Johnny was talking about something that Howard didn't understand. Johnny said that he got in trouble looking at Beth's pictures. He said that he may have gotten into trouble for looking at them too long. He said his wife wasn't happy about it.
Shuli asked Eric if John Strauss has contacted Eric back yet. Howard said John contacted Gary and said he's livid over it. Shuli said he was happy on set so this is a surprise. Howard said Eric is screwing things up with this $5 worth of Pepsi. Howard said if he had just said he didn't get the Pepsi then maybe he would have gotten a few cases of the stuff. He said he didn't have to threaten the guy. Howard asked Eric if he sees his point at all. Eric said ''maybe.'' Howard said he's going to ruin the whole experience over $5 worth of Pepsi.
Howard said he can keep pressing for the Pepsi and maybe they'll send it to him. Howard said he sent that letter to Mary McCormack to see what he's really like. Howard said she thought there was no chance he actually wrote it. She figured that Johnny wrote it. Howard said it wasn't Johnny or Jon, it was Eric. Robin said he must have been put up to that. Howard doesn't think so.
Shuli said that Eric is very honest and he asked about the letter off the air and he wanted to find out if it was for real. He said that Eric told him it's for real.
Howard asked how long Shuli stayed in Eric's hotel room. Shuli said they were bored out of their minds before Eric got there. Shuli said they got Eric some fast food and they saw what was going on and then they just stood there watching Eric like he was an aquarium. Shuli said Eric will talk to you about stuff that happens on the show. He said he still talks about the guy who called in and got him pissed off a couple of weeks ago. He said that the conversation isn't spellbinding but you get to talk. He said they got a ton of stuff for Howard 100 News. He said that everyone was impressed with him. He said that Eric ad-libbed a line that the director loved. He said that they had to tape a set of keys to his hand at one point. Eric said that he asked them to give it to the woman playing his wife. Howard said the wife was kind of hot. They had a picture of her that Howard saw.
Howard asked Eric if he got fatter. Eric said he hasn't. Howard asked about his white hair. Eric said he's just not dying it. Shuli said he took a shot of Eric from behind and from the back it looks like he got hit by a train. He said that he looks all curled up in the picture. Howard said that no matter what his affliction is he's still demanding the Pepsi.
Johnny said this Viper Room thing is going to be great. Howard asked when that is. Johnny said it's on the 14th of February. Howard told Eric he should let go of the Pepsi thing. He said that he can ask for it when he's there and don't worry about what happened in the past.
Eric asked Shuli if he has any memory loss. He said in the apartment the Pepsi was brought up. Howard said he got his Pepsi then. Eric said it was brought up in conversation. Shuli said that she was making up conversation. Shuli said that Jon could have walked over and gotten the Pepsi from Craft Services. Eric said that Jon did go over there but it was Coke products. Shuli said that they went to Wendy's to get a burger for Jon and they didn't have what he wanted. He said they had to call to find out what was going on and Eric was asking what kind of specials they had. He said Eric did a great job on the set though. He said he knocked it out of the park.
Robin told Eric not to become difficult. She said you don't want to do that. He doesn't have that kind of clout yet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is unbelievable. He said that he would give an arm to have one scene. He told Eric to forget about the Pepsi because that shit chews up your insides anyway. He said that they should all get into heaven for having to deal with this.
Another caller said that maybe the Pepsi agreement was a catering agreement. He said that he has done stuff with his kids in show business and they will give you whatever you need from the caterers. Howard said he has had some great food at these shoots. He said that they should all be so lucky to have that kind of service. The caller said that Eric was probably the second or third person to eat on set. He said that they should have gotten the Pepsi there at the caterer. Shuli said he's sure they would have gotten someone to go out and get him Pepsi if he had just asked for it.
Howard said Eric could have wheeled over and asked someone to go get it for him. Shuli said that's the baffling thing to him. He said he should have asked for it then.
Ralph called in and Howard said he was on the set of the commercial with him. Ralph said that it's going to be really good.
Ralph said that Eric is getting some bad advice from someone. He said he has someone in his ear telling him to do this. He said he's being a bit of a dick about this. He said it's a bottle of Pepsi. Howard said that's what he's been telling him. He said they were feeling good about Eric and now he's threatening to sue over 4 bottles of Pepsi.
Howard asked Eric if he's going to sue over the 4 bottles. Eric said he has to think about it. Ralph said he's being an idiot about this. Eric said Ralph should know about being an idiot. Howard said he should listen to Ralph since Ralph knows about being an idiot. Ralph said Howard was at a major shoot the other day and he wasn't even demanding anything. He just demanded to work.
Howard asked if they were getting through to Eric at all. Eric said ''I do not know.'' Howard said he's like a magic 8 ball. Shuli said they treated him like everyone else on set and he can't believe this is happening. Shuli said that John Strauss took so much shit over this and he couldn't have been happier. He said this has to be a knife in his heart. Ralph said it went too well and now he has to ruin it. Howard said he's right. He said Eric wants to be involved in some way. Howard said he thinks this is his way of holding on to the show and not letting it go. Robin said he might be right.
Ralph asked Howard to read the lawyer line from Eric's letter again. Howard read the note where he says he'd rather not bring Johnny Fratto or the lawyers into it. Howard said Eric is going to be at the Viper Room on the 14th of February. Robin said that's on Valentine's day. Johnny said they're doing Eric's Got Talent there. They're calling it ETA, EGT. Howard said that's where River Phoenix overdosed. He wrapped up with Johnny and Eric after that. Howard congratulated Eric on the TV show shoot. Ralph said if he dropped the whole thing maybe they'd have him back on the show. Howard did his impression of Eric telling Ralph that this is their last season so they can't have him back. Ralph said that John Strauss may produce another show though.
Howard was about to let Eric go but Eric said his show is supposed to air on March 23rd on the USA Network. Shuli said they may have to dub in Eric screaming at one point. He said they asked him to scream and Eric would deliver it the exact same way every time. Howard asked what the line was. Eric said it was ''Crap, don't let the bunnies out!'' Howard asked Eric to do it as angry and upset as he is. Eric would say the line the same each time. Shuli said he was sitting there with headphones on watching it in the monitor wondering how he was up there doing it. Shuli said they had to do 5 takes just trying to get the bunny to go out the door. Eric was saying that you don't work with kids or pets in show business. Shuli told Eric to pretend that the bunny was a caller that hates him. Howard told Eric to just yell. Eric said he can't yell. It's too early there. Johnny did his line for him and said he'd get those bunnies out. Eric wasn't playing along so Howard gave up.
Howard spent a short time doing his Eric impression with Fred. Howard was doing his line about the bunny and doing it the same every time. Ralph and Johnny were laughing. Eric wasn't. Howard would ask Fred, as Eric, to give it more emotion and Fred would do the line exactly the same every time.
Howard wished Eric luck with his lawsuit. He wrapped up and was about to let them go but Fred got in another line as Eric doing the bunny thing. Everyone said goodbye as Eric. Eric said that he plans to call in when Howie is on this week. Howie Mandel will be in on Wednesday.
Shuli asked Eric to do a line for an America's Got Talent commercial and just do it like he's really excited. Eric didn't want to wake anyone up. They just told him to do the line. Eric did it but he just sounded annoyed. Howard thanked everyone and went to break since they had gone an hour and 15 minutes already.
Howard came back and said that 43 percent of the country believes that Mitt Romney's first name is short for ''Mittens.'' He said he's serious about that too.
Howard took a call from Gary the Retard who said that he doesn't have his own home phone anymore. Howard had a hard time hearing him. Gary said he was on a cell phone. Howard asked Gary if he thinks Mitt is short for Mittens. Gary said yes.
Howard asked Gary if he's turning 63 soon. Gary said he's turning 60. Howard said he wants to come to New York. Howard asked why he doesn't have his own phone anymore. Gary said he couldn't afford it. Howard said he wants to come down for his birthday but he's not sure about that. Howard said when he comes down there they sort of goof on him. He said he gets upset when they do that. Howard said they sent him to the moon and he got scared. Howard said he doesn't want to do that to him again.
Howard said they have a lot of ideas for him to do there. He said they were thinking they could make him the host of the Today Show and have King of All Blacks play Al Roker. Gary sounded like he was okay with that. Howard said they could also have Sal play Martin Luther King after putting on tanning cream.
Howard said they were going to get him a birthday cake that has candles that won't go out. Howard said they could have him in and tell him that if he's 60 he has to get married or they'll think he's gay. Howard said he's considered gay by the government if he's not married by 60. Gary said he knows that. Howard said he would get freaked out if they did this stuff with him. Howard said he's not sure what to do with the guy.
Howard said he likes Gary but he doesn't think he should come in for his 60th. Howard said he doesn't want Sal in there as Martin Luther King.
Howard asked Gary if he has any ideas for what they could do with him. Gary said he wants to come in. Howard said they have ideas but they're only funny if you want to goof on someone who doesn't have a high IQ. Howard said they were going to have Tracey come in as Lady Di. He said they'd have Scott the Engineer come in dressed up like George Washington. Gary said he didn't want to do that. Howard said he thinks it would be funny to see that.
Howard asked Gary who he'd like to meet for his birthday. Gary said he wants to meet a good looking girl. Howard said they could do that too but it would be Sal dressed up as a girl and he'd end up showing his cock. Howard said they did that once and fooled Gary into thinking they were a girl. Gary isn't into that.
Robin asked if there's anyone famous he'd like to meet. Gary said he'd like to meet someone different. Howard asked if he wanted to meet President Obama. Gary said he doesn't know. Howard said they can get Jon Leiberman to be Matt Lauer. Gary said he doesn't even know who that is. Gary said he wants to meet someone from Dancing with the Stars. Howard said they could have Richard play one of the people from the show. He said they could have Richard dress up like Nancy Grace. Howard said maybe they can have him meet J.R. from Dancing with the Stars. Gary said no. Howard said he can have Carrie Ann Inaba come in. Gary said yes to that.
Howard had Sal come in and pretend to be Carrie Ann. Sal came in doing his girl voice. Howard said they could have Gary come in to meet her. Howard told Gary that she's the Asian chick from the show who has a clitoris the size of a penis.
Howard asked Gary who he likes from Dancing with the Stars. Gary said he doesn't know their names. He said they don't say their names. Robin said they do too. Sal eventually revealed that he has a cock when his voice changed to a man's voice. Sal said that he loves guys with thick glasses and no teeth. Howard said Gary has thick glasses and no teeth. Gary said he got rid of his glasses.
Sal continued to do his female voice and said they can go out to dinner and have paint chips together. He said he's going to tea bag him too. He broke into his male voice again and then pretended that he didn't know where that came from.
Howard said he has no doubt in his mind that they could fool Gary into thinking Sal was a girl again. He said that he isn't sure he wants to do that to Gary though. He said he loves the guy too much. He told him to stay in Portland and just enjoy his birthday. Gary said he's not in Portland, he's in Albany. Howard said he's the best. He let him go after that.
Howard said they had the idea to have birthday candles that won't blow out. He said it just shows that you're smarter than a retarded guy. He said it's not something they want to do. Howard said they could have a transsexual beauty pageant again so Gary can fall for the guys like he did last time. Howard said he does love coming in there. Sal said he uses that name ''retard'' with pride and they should have him in there. Sal said he knows he's pretty retarded himself. Howard let Sal go a short time later after asking to see his clitoris. Sal took his cock out and showed everyone before he left. Howard said Sal loves Gary the Retard. He said he used to call the guy every day.
The caller asked if he got into Letterman in the 80s. Howard said he didn't see him that much back then. He said that he's probably seen the show 41 times... the times he's been on the show. Howard said he has seen Dave doing some stuff over the years. He said he doesn't enjoy waiting to get on when they're doing those top 10 lists and stuff like that.
The caller said he got tickets to the show so he'll be there. He asked if Ronnie is going to be with him out in Los Angeles. Howard said he will be there. The caller asked if he thinks he should stop talking to the press. He said that he used to not say anything and now he talks a lot.
Howard said that the band that's going to be on with him on Letterman is The Airborne Toxic Event. He said he's never heard of them. He said he had a weird music experience over the weekend but he has to take a break before talking about that.
Howard came back and said that Rihanna is a nutty chick. He said he read that she's back with that Chris Brown dude. Howard said that you can't get upset about her getting beat up again if she's dopey enough to get back together with the guy. Howard said he read an article about them getting back together for over a year now. Howard said that she's edgy. Robin said that's crazy, not edgy. Howard said it's crazy edgy.
Howard asked Robin if she can imagine getting back together with a guy who beat her. Robin said she can't imagine the guy living if he beat her.
Howard said he got a note from KC Armstrong who told him to listen to Metallica and Lou Reed doing ''Junior Dad'' (on their album Lulu). Howard said that he's getting more and more closed off to new things as he gets older. He said that he ended up listening to that song 10 times over. He said the song is fantastic. He said he feels bad that he bad mouthed the album. He said the music is great. Howard said the whole thing is very moving. He said that he was moved to tears. He said that's how beautiful it is.
Howard said he knows if he plays it for Robin that she won't like it. He said she should listen to the whole 19 minutes of the song at home. Howard said he was listening to the song while he was working on his computer and the song just keeps going and going. He said it's a phenomenal song.
Howard asked Fred to play some of it but he wasn't sure if it was even in the system. Howard told Fred to check for the studio version and Fred wasn't finding it. Howard said he was able to find it. Howard said it was like the fourth one down. Gary wasn't able to find it either. He did have the CD though so he brought it in. Howard said it's 19 minutes and 20 seconds long. Howard said there are only 4 songs on the whole CD.
Gary set Howard up with the CD so he could play it. Howard told Robin not to judge it right away. He said it's one of the most moving musical pieces ever. Howard said that you have to hear the whole song though. Howard said it's very symphonic. Robin said they're using string instruments. Howard said it's very un-Metallica-like.
Howard let some of the song play and told Robin that Beth heard him playing the song over and over. He said he played it like 10 times. Howard said he knows Robin must be confused by this. He said he knew she wouldn't get it. Howard said Lou is barely on the song. Robin said it sounds like there's a lot of lyrics there. Howard said he goes away eventually and it's just music. He said this isn't going to do it justice though. He can't play all 19 minutes. Robin said she knows that. Howard told Robin to trust him and 76 minutes in she'll be hooked. Robin laughed.
Howard said it's funny that only KC has the time to listen to a 19 minute song. He would quiet down for a short time and let the song play a little longer. Howard said he was brought to tears listening to it. Robin said maybe that's because he listened to it so many times. Howard said he was writing his name on his wall in blood while the song played. Robin said that explains a lot.
Howard said he knew Robin wouldn't get it. He said that you have to just be grooving to the song for 19 minutes. Howard said he's not even into it right now. He said you have to listen to it over and over and it gets better and better. Robin said she's had songs like that but she doesn't know about this one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the song sounds like a rip off of ''Sweet Jane.'' Howard said you really do have to listen to the whole thing.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he knows who he is at all. Howard asked if he's famous. The caller said he hears Howard talking to him through his radio. Howard said there was a guy in Hartford who killed a few women because he claimed he heard him talking to him through the radio. The caller said that reminds him of his situation. The caller said that he knows that Howard has told him to call him. Howard asked what weird things he's told him to do. The guy said he's told him to call him and he's gotten upset with him for things he's done. He said the worst thing he did was. The caller, John, said he doesn't want to say. Howard told him to tell him and he'll tell him if he really does know him. John said he can't say it on air. He's too embarrassed. Robin said they don't know who he is. John said that he did call with his number. Howard told him not to worry about it.
John told them that he had a teacher named Mr. Miller and he felt he was connected with the show in some way. He said he thought he was telling Howard about the things he was doing. Howard asked what the worst thing is that he did that he got upset about. John said he can't say it on air. Howard said he's not going to be honest with him so he can't be honest. John said that he's afraid that something bad will happen if he talks about it. Howard asked if he ate Mr. Miller. John said that Mr. Miller tried to poison him a few times. He said he didn't take what he gave him so he didn't get poisoned.
John said he thinks Howard already knows what he did wrong. Howard said he's not going to say if he knows. Howard said he'll sit there all day if he has to. Howard asked what he did that he was talking to him about on the radio. John said he thinks he told him enough information. Howard said he'll make him listen to Junior Dad over and over again if he doesn't tell him.
Howard said he should give up his therapist appointment so this guy can see him. Howard said that he must be on some kind of medication. John said he's not. He said he was like 17 when he heard Howard's voice. John said he doesn't listen to the show live anymore. He said he records the show through the computer and puts it on his iPod. He said when he was on regular radio he was hearing his voice talking to him. Howard asked what he would say to him. John said he would talk to him about Mr. Miller. He said he and Marilyn Manson both talked to him one day and told him to march around in his underwear. He did it but then his dad walked in. Howard said he told his dad to walk in on him. He said he speaks to him as well.
John said he feels that it's real somehow. Howard asked if he has a job. John said he does. He said he works with computers. Howard said that's a good idea. Robin asked if he has a family like a wife and kids. John said no.
Howard asked if he ever asked him to kill anyone. John said he didn't but he did ask him to get on his knees and bark. John told Howard he is gay. Howard said he was getting a feeling about that. Howard told him to bark. John did it. Howard asked him to get down on all fours but he wasn't doing that. Howard said that maybe they should put TV cameras in his house to see what he's up to.
Howard told John to put a toothbrush up his ass and brush his teeth with it. He was doing it as if he were speaking to him in their special way. Howard asked John if that's how it worked. John said it wasn't like that. He said it was different. Howard said he misses watching him on the cameras and talking to him. John was just laughing. Howard told him to melt down some Crayons into his asshole.
Howard asked John if he made a doody sandwich and fed it to his parents. John laughed. Howard said he must have done that. Howard asked what he did. John said maybe it's just the way he dealt with things in his life and he thinks Howard knew what he was doing. Howard asked what the bad thing was that he did. John didn't want to say.
Howard asked if he got a home office from Regus. Howard broke into a live commercial for the company since that's where he was going with that.
Howard said that he gets the feeling that he did something really bad like he uses his grandmother's asking as a shawl or something.
Howard took a call from another John who said that this guy should jump off a cliff. Howard said he might do it if he asks him to. Howard said he has to get going after that. He said he had no communication with John. He didn't tell him to do anything. Then he pretended to talk to him in his secret messages again. Howard said that would be a big waste of life if he was giving this guy messages. Howard told him to remember that ''pussy good, pussy sweet.'' He was quoting that Lady ''Pussy'' song.
Howard asked John about being gay and if he's been in any relationships. John said he has had some. Howard asked if this guy knows he's crazy. Robin said it seems like he sort of does. She said he may be in a sort of remission.
John said he wrote down everything he remembered happening and it was about 12 pages long. Robin said now it sounds like it's coming back after he was in remission. She said his voices may come back soon. Howard said he has the feeling he told this guy to do a bunch of weird shit. He said dancing in his underwear was just one thing and he may have asked him to do even more.
Howard asked John what he did that was illegal. He asked if he killed anyone. John said no. He asked if he stole something. John said that he feels that he knows what it is. Howard asked if he downloaded illegal music or something. John said he would never do that.
Howard asked who this Mr. Miller guy is. John said he thinks that he was sent there undercover and Howard knows who he is. Howard asked if he was a real person. John said he has a picture of him in his year book. Howard said he has the feeling he might have wanted to blow the guy or something. Howard had a guy on the line who said that's what he thinks happened. Howard asked if he has any siblings who are as nutty as he is. John said he told his sister about this and he's not sure what she thinks. Howard asked if he's the only one who speaks to him or are there other celebrities. John said Howard is the only one.
Howard asked if he watches Letterman and if he speaks to him. John said that he doesn't even have TV. He said he only has the internet. He said he watches Netflix and YouTube.
Howard asked John why he listens to him. John said sometimes it turns into a conversation. Howard said he can't stand talking to anyone so now he knows it's not really him. John said that he talks to him like he's watching him and he knows what's going on.
Howard asked how he got on his radar. John said someone at the school called him and told him about him. Howard said that was Billy. John said it was actually Jess. Howard said he doesn't care that much about John. He said he's more interested in Jess. Howard said people think this is crazy but he's actually talking to this guy. Howard asked how he tried to have him killed. John said he sent a hitman. He said one of them shot at him and another one tried to stab him. Howard said this is like that movie with Keanu Reeves... The Matrix. Howard said it's like when those dudes go after him because he's ''The One.''
Howard asked why he wanted to get him killed. John said Howard was upset that he wouldn't go to him to be part of the show. Robin said this guy is so boring. She said that Howard would have fallen asleep watching him. Howard said John is sounding kind of like a loser. Howard said Robin is making a point. John said that once you see him in action then it changes. Howard said he must be endlessly fascinating. Howard said he saw him dancing in his underpants once. Howard said he only told him to do that because he was bored out of his skull.
John said that he once got into short shorts and danced around for his sister. Howard said he's going to have him dress in coolots next. Howard asked if he's thin or fat. John said he's thin. Howard said he looks good in short shorts. He said he's going to dress him like Sharon Osbourne and sneak him onto the set of America's Got Talent.
Howard asked why his sister didn't do something for him after he told her about this. John said that was like 10 years ago. He said he feels kind of awkward about the whole thing. He said he told her about what was going on and they never talked about it again. He said he told her he's worked through a lot of his issues. Howard asked if he still has his short shorts. John said he doesn't. He told Howard that he used to ring a porcelain bell and that would command him to do things. Howard said he's going to make him bounce up and down on his thumb in his asshole. Fred played a bell sound so Howard asked Robin if she wants him to do anything. Robin said she needs her house cleaned. Howard commanded John to do that. He also told him to sand his nuts.
Robin asked John if he's ever seen movies about crazy people. John said he has. Robin asked if he ever thought that maybe he's like that. John said he has. Howard said he had to get going. He asked if he would put his cock in an alligator's mouth if he asked him to. John said he probably would. He said if he had that bell then it might work.
Howard wrapped up with John and told him he doesn't know who he is and he's never spoken to him. He advised him to get some help because he's crazy. Howard commanded him to get help. John said okay. Howard said that he never has been able to talk to him directly over the radio. John said ''...anymore.'' Howard said he never did.
Howard let John go and said that he's such a bore. Howard said that he must be really uncreative if he told the guy to dance around in his underwear.
Robin said that kid was goofing. Howard said it didn't look like he was goofing. Robin said that the strategy is to delay until you've got the word. Howard said the woman was very patient. Robin said the kid must not have lasted very long in the competition.
Howard said they've been getting weird voice mails lately. He said that this woman Zenaida Perez, the infamous ''Someone please just give me a chance'' woman, called and said she won't be coming back on the show. She left a message for Will saying she wanted him to ''rely'' a message to Howard. She asked Howard to look into September 11, 1593 and Richard Whiteman and call her back if he wants to talk to her. Howard asked if they looked it up. Gary said he did and it was about a guy who was burned at the stake. Howard wondered why she wanted them to look into that.
Howard said Sal and Richard once made a phony phone call using Zenaida clips. He played the call and they called someone using Lawrence Taylor crying clips and then some Zenaida crying clips.
Howard said that Zenaida is dumping them. Robin said she's shocked. Howard said he thinks that Debbie the Pet Lady dumped them too. She says she's done with the show too. Howard played her voice mail where she says that she's done with the show and Ass Napkin Ed is behind Howard not liking her. Debbie was saying that Howard was very nasty with her. Howard said things are getting very kooky. Debbie was pissed that they had Ed on the show and then rubbed it in her face. She said they can all fuck themselves.
Howard had Debbie on the phone and she said she is done with the show. She started off yelling and then broke down crying and then started yelling again. She said that she's called Gary and she wants to know why he doesn't call her back. Gary tried to explain but Debbie was starting to scream so he wasn't able to get a word in. Gary said that he can't get to the end of those messages because she will just go on and on screaming and he's not sure what her point is. Howard asked why she's acting crazy. Debbie said that they're switching everything around there and they're making her look like a nut there.
Howard asked how she's enjoying this mild winter. He was trying to change the subject. Debbie asked why they don't do anything nice for her. She started slamming her phone and called them a bunch of stupid mother fuckers and hung up.
Captain Janks called in and said that Howard TV segment of Richard Simmons assaulting Gary was a great moment. Howard said Howard TV has been doing a great job covering all of that stuff lately. Howard said Richard was kissing Gary a bunch of times. Gary said Richard started singing ''Endless Love'' to him at one point. Howard asked what you do when he's carrying on like that. Gary said he just lets it go. He said he used to get really freaked out. He said that he saw Robin getting hugged and he could see that Robin was feeling that it was going on way too long. Robin said she was in with Scott the Engineer and Richard came in and kissed her on the cheek and he wouldn't stop. She said his lips planted and stayed there.
Howard said that whole persona must chase people away. Robin said that he acts like they were just found in the desert or something.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she was irritated by that guy who called in last week about Howard being old looking. She said she wishes that people who are haters wouldn't call in. Howard thanked her for that call. He said that he wasn't even sure what she was saying. Robin had to sum it up for her.
Howard said some guy on the E! network was insulting his looks. Howard played the clip and this guy was talking about Beth Stern and Heidi Klum wearing the same outfit and picking who wore it best. Howard said the guy basically asked how Howard Stern got her since he's so ugly. He said he didn't have time to play the whole clip because they have so much to get to. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that if he listened to that ''Junior Dad'' song 10 times in a row then how many hours did he waste. He thinks it's about 3 hours and 10 minutes. Robin said he's right.
Howard read some email about Robin's show ''The Chatter.'' Some people are giving some very positive feedback about the show.
Howard said he and his mother had an interesting conversation this weekend. He said that he tries to change the conversation by asking what they're up to. He said his mom told him about watching TV and how they have this whole thing they do to watch TV. He said they like to be dressed to watch TV before they go to bed. Howard said he asked her what they were doing and his mom laughs. He said that this was on Friday night. He said they were thinking about watching some singer who had a special on. He didn't know who it was so he asked and she said ''You know, that singer... you have him on the show.'' Howard said he asked if it was Tony Bennett. Howard said he got it right but just pulled it out of his ass.
Howard said she was upset that it was on at 9 o'clock. Howard said it was a Friday night. Howard said people stay up late. He said she couldn't imagine why it was on so late and he couldn't explain it to her. Howard said she told him that his father told her to try and stay up to watch. He ended up falling asleep during the show. Howard said she gets stuck watching the show. Howard said she just didn't understand why they'd put that show on at that hour. Howard said there are people up at that hour.
Howard said she wanted that show on at 8 o'clock or something. Howard said he was going to try watching the show but he wasn't able to find it on any channel. Howard said he didn't check to see if it was on PBS though.
Howard said that was his parent's big night. He said they used to go square dancing but his dad can't hear the calls with his bad hearing so they don't go anymore. Howard said it didn't sound all that pleasant for them anyway. He said that his dad would get upset with his mom if she didn't dance right. Howard said they had the whole outfit going too. He said his dad would wear the bolo tie and all of that.
Howard said he tried telling his mom that it wasn't that crazy to stay up until 9 to watch a show. He said she just kept going on and on about how it should be on earlier. Howard said she's delusional thinking that they should be on her schedule.
Howard said the one time he brought joy to them was when he would imitate the mothers in the neighborhood. He said he would do the impression for his mom and her friends and they loved it. Howard said his mom doesn't think he sounds like her though.
Howard mentioned that the dude from Welcome Back Kotter, Robert Hegyes, died. He said that he must have had an awful career after that show. Howard said the guy was 60 years old and he looked awful. Howard said it was sort of heart breaking. He said it couldn't have gone very well for him. He read about his death and some of the shows he had done after Welcome Back Kotter. He was a teacher and wrote screenplays too. Howard said maybe he had a good life. He doesn't know. He said they do say he was a good guy.
Howard had Robin start her news after playing her in with a song parody. Howard said he saw some pictures of Christina Aguilera performing at Etta James' funeral. Howard said they had a shot of her with red stuff running down her leg and they say it might have been a menstrual accident. Howard said the publicist says it may have been a spray tan run. Howard said that it was running down her leg though.
Howard wondered if a tampon could come out from singing so hard. Robin didn't think so but Gary came in and said that he knows a woman who vomited once and her tampon came out. Robin said she's had movement from a tampon but it's never come out.
Robin said that there's a man who had his dog put to death after his condo board gave him a hard time. Then he committed suicide because he felt he had betrayed his best friend. Howard said Beth knew that guy. She knew the dog too.
King of All Blacks called in and told Howard not to wear clear lenses when he's on America's Got Talent. Howard said he and Ralph have been working on his outfits and he was wondering about what to wear. Howard said he's had a 10 hour discussion about the whole thing. He said he wore sunglasses in the commercial he shot last week. King told him not to wear full on sunglasses. He said to just wear a light tint. Howard said that's what he has. He said he tried the yellow tint but he didn't like it. King told him to let him handle his glasses. Howard said he's okay, he's got it all set. King told him to wear the John Kennedy kind of glasses with the thick frames. Howard said he's all set. He let King go after that.
Howard said he has a bunch of glasses he can wear. He said that he's not sure what he'll wear on Letterman. He said he usually wears glasses but then takes them off on the show. He said that's his thing on Letterman. Howard said he finds it odd that Dave keeps threatening to retire but then he just signed on for another two years. Howard said he thinks that Dave has given up with the interns. He said he may have to ask Dave about that when he's on. Robin said she's not sure about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's bringing his daughter in to perform on America's Got Talent. He said he'll be there in Charlotte. Howard asked what the kid does. He said she sings. Howard said he worked with a kid in the commercial and she was a delight. Howard asked if she can really sing. The guy said she can and her name is Taylor Mecca. Howard asked if the kid sucks and he has to tell her that. The guy said he's sure that he won't be at the audition but if she gets to the next level then Howard will see. He said she wants to do it and they're not pushing her into it. He said that it helps that Howard is on the show though. Howard said he'd like to discover a great talent. Gary said there is YouTube video of this kid if Howard wants to judge her. Howard said he'd do that. They played the song for Howard. She was covering an Adele song. Howard said the kid isn't ready. He told him to wait. The caller said that it gets better. Howard said she's adorable. He let the song play some more but told the guy that she's just not ready.
Howard said he can save him the trip. He said the kid is gorgeous. He said that she may mature and have a great career but he doesn't think that she's going to enjoy him telling her that. The caller said that he doesn't think she'll even make it to Howard. Howard asked the guy what his name was. The guy said it's Ken. Howard said he's going to bring Ken out there and tell him that he's not protecting her. Ken said he knows the deal. He's a fan and he knows his stand on everything. Robin said they want to send their kids out to slaughter. Howard said she may not enjoy singing anymore if she doesn't make it. Howard said she is on key but she doesn't have it yet. He said the show is about finding someone who people will go to see in Vegas. This kid isn't going to win and she'll have to be rejected by some big dope like him. Ken said he has learned and he thanked Howard for the advice.
Howard said the kid is a doll and he wished her luck but he told Ken not to subject her to this. Howard said this is why YouTube ruins these kids. He said that she's not going to want this tape hanging around in 10 years. Howard went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, they came right back and Robin got back to her news. Robin asked Howard if he thinks an 18 year old boy can date a 14 year old girl. Howard said no. Howard said when he was in high school he had a friend who was hanging out with 13 and 14 year old's. He said he wasn't very lucky with women. Howard said he was introduced to this one girl and she was just a little girl. He said the difference is 4 years but it's not like 4 years when you're 30. He said the answer is no. Howard said he thinks it's wrong. Robin said people do go to jail for it. Robin said there are parents fighting over it and they think that the sentence is far too much for the crime. Robin read about a case where an 18 year old had sex with a 14 year old and he had to go to jail for a year.
Gary said he read the article and one of the big arguments is that he's a registered sex offender now. Robin said that's the statutory rape statute that causes that. Robin said that this guy got back together with the girl after that and then he got 5-15 years for violating probation. Howard said as someone who was an 18 year old boy he knows that it wasn't right to go out with a 14 year old. Gary asked if he should have the same status in life as a rapist. Howard said he was already told not to have sex with a 14 year old. Howard said he agrees with what the court did. He said the guy was wrong. He said it's predatory. He said you have to have rules in society. He said if you feel bad then you can't be a judge. Gary said that even the judge thought the law was wrong.
Robin asked where the cut off should be. She asked if a 14 year old can be with a 17 year old. Howard said a 14 year old should be with a 14 or 15 year old. He said it's a very dangerous time. He said it's creepy. He said if you see an 18 year old with a 14 year old it's creepy. He said the 18 year old should know better.
Robin said she thinks she has a guest for Riley Martin's show. Robin said that Fran Drescher claims to have been abducted by aliens. Howard said they might have to have her on the show to talk about that. Robin said her husband was also abducted. Howard said she may have gone off her rocker. He said it's either that or aliens are big fans of The Nanny.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that this guy Ken is doing a disservice to his kid by trying to get her on America's Got Talent. She and Howard spent a minute talking about that. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a guy in Oklahoma who introduced a bill that would prevent human fetuses from being used in food. Robin said she doesn't think they do that but this guy presented the bill. Howard said that he eats chicken abortions... or eggs. Howard said he likes peanut butter and fetus sandwich and he can't get them anymore. Robin said that this guy claims that they do use human stem cells in some food flavoring. Robin said she didn't know this was a big problem. Howard said it might be good for you and it's probably packed with protein.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if Dave gets real personal with him. Howard said he knows he's answered this a million times. Howard said he's talked about it on the show many times. Howard said Bobo is just calling in so he can get on the air. Howard did his impression of what it's like talking to Dave in the commercial break with the music playing way too loud.
Robin said that NBC has pulled an episode of Fear Factor where people were going to drink donkey semen. Robin said that the show was supposed to be on tonight but now they say a repeat episode will air instead. Robin said a lot of people were upset about the episode. Robin said they're rethinking the whole semen drinking episode. Howard said if they had people on the show to do that he'd probably pass on it. Robin said they already did that and now they're pulling the episode. Howard said they might go to the old standby of caterpillars in manure instead.
Robin read about Demi Moore and how she's suffering from the constant pressure of being a successful woman in show business. Fred played a cuckoo clock sound clip. Robin had some audio of the 9-1-1 call that someone made from her house. Robin said that Demi was convulsing. Howard said he's met her and spent a lot of time with her. He said she seemed great when he saw her.
Howard said he would love to be the guy who had to call in for her. Howard said they always give out too much information in the calls though. This woman was talking about how Demi was going into convulsions and she had been smoking something.
Robin said they never said exactly what she was smoking. Howard said if he was single he would have fucked her. robins said they say she may have been smoking K2 Spice which is similar to marijuana. Howard said he'd like to swoop in and save her. He said that can be tricky though. Howard said you have to make sure they know that you've just come out of a long marriage. Robin said Demi is getting some help now. Howard said he can imagine swooping in to try and save her. He did a live commercial a short time later.
Robin read about the upcoming primary in Florida and how Newt Gingrich was in the lead but it looks like Mitt Romney is going to win down there.
Howard asked Benjy what he had written all over his hands. Benjy said he had lyrics written down for tonight's show. Howard cut him off saying he didn't want to get into a conversation about that. He was sorry he even asked.
Robin had some audio of some people talking about Newt Gingrich and why he's the wrong choice. Robin said that Rick Santorum had to run home because his daughter came down with Pneumonia this weekend. Robin said that he's back in Philadelphia. Howard said that's the kid that was messed in utero and they just ignored the doctors and had the kid anyway. He said that's a great life. He said at least the guy had the kid and didn't get an abortion so he's not a hypocrite.
Robin had a few more audio clips of some politicians talking about the primary.
Robin read about President Obama's State of the Union speech and some of the stuff he had said during that speech. That led to Howard talking about how great Seal Team 6 was. Howard said that they all went in and took out Osama bin Laden and they must be real men to have done that. Howard said he's like a woman when he stands next to Seal Team 6. Howard said he only wishes that Robin could marry the team.
Robin had more about Obama's speech and what he was saying about Iran coming up with nuclear weapons and how soon they could have one ready. Howard said that won't happen. He said Israel will make sure of that.
Robin read about how we're in negotiations with the Taliban for the release of one of our soldiers. Robin said that the talks aren't going very well so far.
Howard tried taking a call from Mariann from Brooklyn but she was distracted by something and ended up hanging up.
Robin read about the Patriots being in Indianapolis for the Super Bowl already. She said that the Giants are due in today.
Robin mentioned that The Grey did 20 million at the box office this weekend. Howard said the movie is really cool. He liked it. Robin read about some other movies that are coming out this week. Robin had some audio of Drew Barrymore talking about her new movie. Howard cut that off after a few seconds. He said he could listen to that all day but he has places to be. Fred played some snoring sound effects as Howard played it. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about what Howard was saying about Rob Burnett first thing this morning. He was basically saying Gary doesn't know how to speak for him. Gary said he knows how to speak for him perfectly now. He just tells people to call Don Buchwald. He said he just got a request the other day for a photograph and he just hands it off to Don now. He said he prefers it that way.
Jon said Howard is doing Dave on Wednesday night and he'll have a Super Bowl commercial too. He said Howard talked about how professional things were on the set of the commercial. Jon wondered when Howard's patience wears thin. Gary said that if he has to wait around a lot during the shoot for America's Got Talent he can imagine him getting impatient. They had to go to break after that quick segment.
Jon asked Sal about what he said about Gary the Retard and how he embraces being retarded. Sal said Gary loves being Gary the Retard and he has a niche. He said he loves being the lovable, fun retard. He said that people pity people like that but that's more insulting than just treating them like regular people. He said that Gary the Retard can put on his own clothes and he embraces what he is and he has fun with it. Sal said that Gary gets it in some way. He said he has the ability to take the joke and it's not mean spirited if they do that.
Gary asked Sal if he thinks Gary the Retard was really afraid of the retarded flu. Sal said he isn't sure. He said that they do call Gary and he curses them out when they call him now. He said that he gets the joke and he'll give it right back to them if they goof on him. He said Gary is proud of who he is. He said that they once called him and told him he was no longer retarded and he was upset about that. He said he has a soft spot for people with disabilities like that. He said that he sees deaf people and he feels for them and he's almost in tears when he sees them. He said he saw some deaf people at a concert and they were holding the speakers to feel what was happening there. He said he thinks that's great and they're embracing their disability.
Gary asked if Sal feels for Eric the Midget. Sal said God must have been angry the day he created Eric. He said Eric has every right to be bitter though. He said he's bitter himself and he has no reason to be. He said Eric does have a reason.
Jon asked Sal if something happened to him when he was a kid. Sal said he feels for these people. Gary pointed out that he's kind of pitying them. He said that he can't figure out where he's coming from. Jon asked why he pities one and not the other. Sal said that's a good question. Sal said that he thinks that Gary the Retard makes him realize that he embraces his affliction and he doesn't get upset. He said that he would feel horrible if he had a retarded kid but Gary gets a kick out of it. He said that's great.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary the Retard has had a lot of fun on the show even when they're notice to him. Benjy said he agrees. He said they could ask him how he feels about things on the show. Gary said he likes him as a judge. He said he's so funny that he's so nice on the show. He would never tell anyone they suck at anything.
Jon said Howard decided not to do anything with him this year. Gary said that Gary was panicked when they sent him to the moon and they felt bad about that. Sal said he thinks that Gary got freaked out because the rocket ship was the size of a mailbox. Benjy asked if they think he really thought he was on another planet. Gary said he thinks he did. Benjy said he thinks that Gary knew that he wasn't really on another planet. They had to take another break after that.
Benjy said he thinks that it might be a joke and Johnny might be pushing him into it. He said he might be wrong though. Gary said Strauss didn't take it as a joke.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how Johnny ends up on the line every time. Gary said it comes to them that way. He said Eric might patch him in when he calls the show. The caller said he loves when Eric calls in but he finds it annoying when Johnny is on the line changing subjects. Gary said he can keep Eric on course sometimes though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Eric is a train wreck. He said that he thinks Eric is emulating Howard with this contract dispute. Jon and Gary said they don't think that's what it is. Gary said he might think that he's at Howard's caliber though.
Jon took another call from a woman who brought up that guy John who called in hearing messages from Howard. She said that he should check with his employer to go to a psychologist. She said that he might be able to get some free treatment.
The caller also said that she thinks that they should let her take over for Robin for a day doing her news. She said that maybe Robin would let her sit in with her one day. Gary asked the woman, Cindy, who she thinks would want that to happen. Cindy said she thinks there would be a lot of women who would want to do that. Gary asked what's in it for them. Jon said she did call first with the idea. Gary said that he's not sure why they'd want to take away a great part of the show like that.
Sal said maybe Jon should accidentally disconnect her again. Sal said maybe she can work the fast food window at McDonald's or something. She could work the P.A. there instead. Jon said he'd get her information and they'd see if they could do anything.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the show has gotten really good and the last 20 minutes with Sal rolling was great. Sal mumbled an ''Oh no'' when he heard that. Sal said there will probably be a clip tomorrow about something he said today. He had no idea what it might be though. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's ready to start the show but they have a technical situation so they have to take a break right away. He said that they should be able to take care of it in seconds but they need to take a break to do it. They went to break a short time later.
After the break, around 6:10am, we heard a prank call Sal made to a guy asking who he was and where he was. Fred also played Chris Cornell performing a cover of Led Zeppelin's ''Thank You'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that was his man from Soundgarden. Robin told him it was Chris Cornell. She said she's still trying to get over that ''Junior Dad'' song yesterday. Howard said that one guy wrote in about how he gets it like he did. Robin said that was probably KC.
Howard said he was running around trying to pull his wardrobe together for America's Got talent. He said he had his tailor, Anthony, over to measure him. He said he's a full inch and a half larger than he was last time he was measured. Howard said he's gained about 10-11 pounds since then. Howard said he's getting older and things are getting loose. Howard said he can't run because his feet hurt after. He said he's getting to be that guy who complains. He said he's going to keep running until he's in a wheelchair though.
Howard said he has to go out and get new clothes if he gets much heavier. He said that's his main problem. Howard said he has been putting together some John Varvatos outfits for his debut. Howard said he's his favorite designer. Robin said she started to think about John after she saw a picture of him. Howard said he designs clothing that he likes to wear. He said if he had to pick someone to design his clothes that would be the guy. Howard told Robin she's being emasculating to his favorite designer.
Howard said he's meeting with John today. He said he'll tell him about Robin's thoughts. He said Robin was bashing some movie he liked and someone asked for the comments about what they said about it and he had to say no because of what Robin was saying.
Howard said he's been watching Dexter and Breaking Bad and those are great shows. He said he loves Dexter more than Breaking Bad but he does like breaking Bad. Howard said he thinks that it was ''The Help'' that Robin was trashing. Howard said that's the one he couldn't give up the audio from the show for.
Howard said they have some great stuff on Howard TV lately. He said they have Medicated Pete talking to some people at some adult video thing. Howard said he is so much like Beavis on Beavis and Butt-Head. Howard said he's not even sure which is which. Robin said he's like the blonde one. He said Pete is just like him and he even makes that laugh noise that Beavis makes. Howard said his lisps are always wet too and it must have something to do with his Tourette's.
Howard said Pete got hard when some girl was doing something to him but it didn't stop him. He said he thinks he blew a load right in his pants at one point. Howard said they have some other great stuff coming up on Howard TV soon too. He said it's worth watching. Howard said a lot of people really enjoyed the Richard Simmons interview on Howard TV too.
Howard said that you can also send in a video audition to AGTAuditions.com.
Howard said that he thinks that the prize is like a million bucks. He said that they tell him that the ventriloquist guy is rich now after winning the show a couple of years back.
Howard said they have free tickets to see some of the judging but the New York dates aren't available. Howard said he wants to give away some of the tickets to the fans so they're going to hold on to those.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with Eric. He said he posted a message about why he's upset about the Pepsi. Howard read that note he posted and this is what it said:
''It is called honoring an agreement, contract or deal. It is matter of principle if someone agrees that they will Pepsi Cola for me, and they fail then I except them to do something to make up for it. Not is not too much to ask for. For someone to stick to what is agreed opon [sic] is not only the right thing to do but it is the adult thing to do. I honored my part of the deal by showing up, and doing the job. I do not want this to be something that keeps happening. If you do not agree with me than block me don't care.''
Howard said John Strauss wanted to come on the air to talk to Eric but then he sent another email from Eric after he was on the air and Eric told John that it was just for the show as a bit. He told Strauss he doesn't want Pepsi. John is confused and he's not sure if he just felt bad and he's back peddling or if he's brilliant. Howard said they may never know. Howard said he saw a picture of Eric on the internet and he looks like he may have been bitten by a werewolf.
Howard read some more email and one guy told him about how he liked that ''Junior Dad'' song he played yesterday. Howard said that there were people who thought that he was insane for liking the song. Howard said there are a few people who get the song. Howard said the song isn't for everyone. He said that it might wash over you in a different way if you listen to the whole thing all the way through. Robin said maybe only certain people can get it like it's a genetic thing.
Howard said a lot of people liked Debbie the Pet Lady and that guy John who thought he was speaking to him directly through the radio.
Howard asked Benjy how his gig went last night. Benjy said he thinks it was a lot of fun. He said he's not sure what people's opinions are. He said he did one song with Elisa. Gary came in and said that Benjy was wearing a blonde wig last night. He said he can't really carry a tune but Elisa got him through it. Benjy said he just wanted hair so that's why he wore the wig.
Gary said someone yelled out asking if Benjy had fucked Elisa yet. Her mother was there so Benjy just pointed that out.
Gary said he had a weird discussion with Benjy about his hands yesterday. He said Benjy said he wasn't sure if he should wash them or not. He was saying that he shouldn't do anything that they want him to do there. Howard said he should do it because he's distracting from the show. He said he's really craving attention. Benjy said he's not doing it for attention. Howard said he absolutely is.
Gary said that Benjy basically said ''why should I wash it off for you guys.'' Benjy said that's not what he said. He said he did think about washing it off but then he said it wasn't that absurd to do. Gary said that's not what he said yesterday. Gary said Benjy said he doesn't need to wash it off just for them. Benjy said that's not what he said. Gary said it is. They went back and forth on that for a short time.
Howard said Jon Leiberman was there to cover the story last night. He saw some pictures that the Howard TV crew put up. Howard said Benjy appears to have gained a few pounds lately too.
Howard played some audio from the show last night where Benjy and Elisa were singing their song ''Online Sweetheart.''
Howard asked how many people were there. Benjy didn't know. He said it was at least 100 people. Howard asked if he played the Shofar last night. Benjy said he did. They had some video of that too.
Howard read about how Ryan Seacrest is going to be working with Clear Channel Entertainment to do some shows for them. They're investing in his company and he's going to stick around to help them out. So he's gotten about a $300 million investment. Howard said that makes him ill.
Howard said that Simon Cowell has fired Steve Jones, Nicole Scherzinger and Paula Abdul from his show X-Factor. Howard said that he talked to Simon about Nicole and how he could watch her all day long and not care that she's an idiot. Howard said that the host got bad marks as a host too. He said he's no worse than Ryan Seacrest is. Howard said he doesn't understand why they bashed him so bad.
Howard said he heard that he was banging Nicole so maybe they were upset about that. Howard said Paula lost a lot of weight and he thought she looked great this season. Howard said that Simon didn't think Paula was doing a good job judging. Howard said that she can't make a decision. Robin said he was pissed about some of the choices they were making. Howard said maybe it's good to clean house. He doesn't know.
Howard read an article about, RIM, the people who make Blackberry phones. Their shares have plunged 75 percent. Howard said that they just refuse to go along with the rest of the industry and make phones fun. Howard said that no one gives a shit about their stuff. Robin said that business people need to be on the internet and that was a problem with their phones. Howard said the phone wasn't fun. Howard said he was a loyal customer but the phone wasn't fun to use. Robin said she was a big user too but there were some major flaws with it.
Howard said that Sony got blown out of the water with the iPod. Howard said that they were the big people in the market with the Walkman. He said everyone has an iPod now. Howard said pagers are gone too. He said the Palm Pilot is gone and that was a big deal at one point. Howard said those guys came and showed their last phone and it just didn't work well. Howard said Kodak is gone. Howard said Atari was the box that everyone had for gaming on their TV set. Howard said you don't even know what that is today. He said that so many companies fuck up. He said it's amazing.
Howard said he got a note from the AGT people and they want him to ship out his clothes to them so he doesn't have to carry any luggage. Howard said he's not going to take advantage of that because he doesn't want to get too crazed. Howard said he's willing to carry his bag. Howard said this reminds him about his experience with Paramount when he did his movie. Howard said that they really know how to treat people in the TV and movie industry.
Howard said they asked him if he wanted a sound machine in his trailer and if he wanted lunch. He said they're so fucking thoughtful. The caller asked if it's just the honeymoon phase. Howard said it might be but it's great to even have a honeymoon. Howard said that it makes you feel like a champ and it makes you want to give it your all. He said they're paying him well but they're also treating him well.
Howard said that there's a woman at Fremantle who sent him a case of wine. Howard said she didn't have to do that. Robin said Howard got that after doing 20 years at K-Rock. Howard said he's not even looking for that but it's nice that people do appreciate him. He said it's very nice.
Howard said he will never ever compromise the radio show because of America's Got Talent. Howard said his radio show remains pure. Howard said he knows what Eric is worried about but he's going to keep the radio show the same. He said he will not betray his audience.
Eric said that Howard is an amazing talent and they love him. Howard said that he's hoping that what he can do with AGT is add more to the radio show. Eric said that he really loves the show and he hopes that it doesn't change.
Gary came in and said that High Pitch Mike is having a super bowl party and he's kicking everyone out after the half time show. Howard said Mike really loves Madonna. Howard said he's every cliché about gay people now. Howard said he should have known he was gay when he was going to the Michael Jackson concerts and things like that.
Howard asked if you're gay if you find another man attractive. Robin said no. Fred said he doesn't think so either. Howard asked if he finds anyone attractive. Fred said that George Clooney is. Howard told him to come sit on his lap.
Howard said he got George's email from Jimmy Kimmel. He said he wrote him an email and said that movie ''The Descendants'' is great. He said he was moved by the film. Howard said he wanted to tell George how great he thought it was. He said he thanked him and sent him a picture of Beth in the snow in a bikini. Howard said he asked what Stacy Kiebler was up to while he was at it.
Howard said that they've gone back and forth emailing for a little bit. Robin said that it can get kind of out of context when you gush over someone. She said sometimes it doesn't go over well.
Howard said he didn't get to email George right away so he had forgotten about what the movie was even about. He said he doesn't remember things for very long.
Robin said she saw the preview for the Avengers. Howard said he saw that too. He said he thinks it looks pretty good. Howard said he has to take a break. He said that Little Steven is coming in today. Robin said they're going out on tour with Bruce this year. Howard said Steven will come in and talk about what he's up to. Howard said they'll ask him what his thoughts are on Madonna at the Super Bowl.
Howard said he watched about 45 minutes of The Bachelor last night. He said that the girls this season are so spectacular looking. He said the guy must feel like he died and went to heaven. Howard said one is better looking than the next. Howard said that one of the girls, KCB, is so gorgeous. Howard said that some of the lesser girls are even hot. Robin said Howard would have loved to have been a bachelor in his 20s. Howard said that every girl would have left once they saw him. Howard said that he can imagine the girls just seeing him and walking off. He said he had nothing going on in his 20s. He had a radio show but he was in bad shape. He worked at Westchester 107 in the woods.
Howard said he can imagine doing that show in his 20s and having girls talking about how gross he is. He said with the hair he had back then he can imagine the girls saying ''he's gross.'' He said they'd all go into the water and kill themselves. He said they'd be -10s or whatever below zero would be. Howard said he went to parties as a teen and he wasn't able to get a chick. He said he was alone at fat girl, loser parties. Howard said that he would go over and talk to the girls but they were repulsed by him. He said the girls were obese and they were repulsed.
Howard said that he went to a party with his friends once. He said it was with this guy Marty and some other guys. He said the AZA party was such a loser party. He said it was bottom of the barrel stuff. He said he wanted to meet girls and you walk into a wood paneled basement and you start talking to people. He said he was looking at the girls saying he should be able to hook up. He said the girls looked like Benjy. He said Benjy is a hotter girl than these girls. He said he'd fuck Benjy before he'd fuck the girls. Howard said they even had lyrics written on their hairy hands. Howard said they were in high school at the time.
Howard said he remembers how he looked like a witch at the time. He said they should have given him a broom. He said he'd stand there while music is playing and he'd say hi and girls would turn their backs to him. He said these were fat girls. He said it's ridiculous. Robin said she doesn't know about that. Howard said he would have to go outside because he was so embarrassed. He said he'd stand in the cold and stare at the sky like he was high to try and get some kind of look going. He said none of them would go for it.
Howard said it was weird that he would blossom when he was out of his parent's home. He said he got laid when he was at camp. He said he still can't imagine how the girls would react to him if he was on The Bachelor at that age. He said he knows that they'd have hurt feelings when they'd see him. Howard said they'd talk about how disgusting he is and how he should clip his nasal hairs before going on the show. Howard said the girls would rather go on Fear Factor to drink donkey semen. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that prank call might be one of his favorites. Howard also sang along to the song Fred was playing. Howard said that people tune in to hear him sing along. Howard asked where Mark David Chapman is now. He said he hopes someone has their dick up his ass in prison. Howard said he hopes it's a big, thick dick too. He said that guy had to kill John Lennon to get attention from mom and dad.
Howard said that Ronnie the Limo Driver is on fire with his ''Whoa, whoa, whoa... stop the clock.'' phrase. He played a clip of a sports reporter using the line during a newscast.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his news preview. Howard said that he had to interrupt and say that this comedian Paul Sheer had a review of this Iron Lady movie and how it wasn't a great sequel to Iron Man. Howard said he thought that was pretty funny.
Jon said that they have some updates on Benjy and Elisa's show last night. He said that Elisa's family was there and Benjy was shaking during the set. He said he was reading the lyrics off of his knuckles too. He said that Medicated Pete gave them a pep talk before the gig. He told them how he calms himself down before calling into the show.
Howard asked why Lisa G didn't cover this. Jon said that she may have been too emotionally involved in the story. Jon said that Lisa and Elisa have traded some barbs. Howard said Lisa might be biased then.
Jon said that people thought the performance was better than expected by the fans. Howard asked if Elisa trashed Lisa G on stage. Jon said that it wasn't on stage but she did say some stuff about Lisa off stage. Jon said that you'd never expect a fight to break out over Benjy. Howard said you can't be biased like that when you're a reporter. Jon said he thinks Brad Driver made the right call in that whole thing. He said that he might be more fair than Lisa would be.
Jon said that they have a story about Ronnie the Limo Driver's Twitter account may have been hacked. Ronnie had said something about ''pooping a boob'' and Ronnie claims that it had to have been hacked.
Ronnie came in and said that Jon doesn't know what he's talking about. Ronnie barely had a voice after all of the yelling he did over the weekend. Howard said he has to stay up until 2 in the morning with that whole thing. Howard said he's sick. Ronnie said he's not. He just lost his voice.
Ronnie told the guys that he knows what happened. He said someone tweeted through his account and he knows how it happened. He said he can't say who it was. Howard asked Ronnie how he found out who did it. Ronnie said he knows who did it. He said they didn't hack his account. Ronnie said he found out yesterday. Howard said it has to be Stephanie or someone who has his account information. Ronnie said the quote was supposed to be about ''popping'' a boob and not pooping a boob.
Jon said he told Shuli what was going on over the weekend. Howard asked why he can't say who did it. Ronnie said he just can't say it. Howard asked why. Ronnie said it's because he doesn't want to. Howard said this is fucking retarded. Ronnie said he doesn't want to. Howard asked if it's someone he was cheating with. Ronnie told him to stop it. He said he's just not going to say. Jon said he can speculate who has his password. He said maybe it was ZenaBuddysGirl. Ronnie told them to stop it. Howard asked if it was his daughter in law. Ronnie said no. Ronnie wasn't giving up the information. Ronnie said he doesn't want to tell anyone. He said that they're fucking annoying him.
Howard asked why he's being a douche. Ronnie said he doesn't want to tell who did it. He said that's his happiness not to tell Jon. He said that he won't tell Howard on the air but he will tell Howard off the air. Ronnie said he doesn't want to tell Jon anything. Howard said that it's not a big deal, they just want to know who did it. Jon said that it is a big deal to the fans.
Howard said that he should just tell the story. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard kicked him out of the studio. He said he's a fucking weirdo. Howard told him not to use the show and the audience anymore for his purposes. Howard said he should just tell them what happened. He said he has no good reason not to tell them who it was. Howard said you don't come in there and be all clammed up like that.
Jon said that they spent the day with Mariann from Brooklyn and she revealed that she loves everyone on staff other than JD and Scott DePace. She has also been trying to get in touch with Tim Sabean but he won't call her back. Jon said they followed her to a pork store while they were there at her house.
Jon said they have a new system there and they have access to the old shows. Gary can't get into the system because his name has an apostrophe in it so it broke the system.
Jon said that Ham Hands Bill is in talks to play a part in a movie called ''Mark of the Cobra'' and they spoke to the producer of the film.
Jon said that KC Armstrong has plead not guilty to drunk driving and he has a trial today. He said that Steve Grillo is jobless again and he's out trying to sell new lighting programs and software to the staff there. Jon said that he's not working as a bartender or as a pizza maker. He said that Grillo has been taking acting lessons from Jagger Kaye and Jagger tells them that he has the ability to do bit roles.
Scott came in and said he wasn't heckling anyone there. The caller said he did too. He said that he was telling one of the comedians that he sucked and he should get off stage. Howard asked Shuli if that happened. Shuli said they weren't heckling. He said that Scott and Ronnie aren't professionals so the do things a little differently.
Shuli said that Ronnie takes that whole Twitter thing way too seriously. Ronnie told Howard that Shuli is the same way. He said that he was talking about what people were saying on the trip to the airport. Howard said he can imagine Ronnie freaking out so he thinks that he's right. Shuli said that the tweet that the person put out was so nothing and it didn't make sense that someone had hacked into his account.
Shuli said that he was posting pictures of Ronnie and Scott on his Twitter account. He said that people love them. Shuli said they fooled Scott into thinking that they were about to crash at one point. He said that he woke up and just said ''fuck you'' and went back to sleep.
Howard saw some of the pictures that Shuli was tweeting out that day. He got a laugh out of that. Shuli said that you can follow him @shalomshuli
Ronnie told Howard what happened with the tweet that got out. He said Shuli asked him about it and so did JD. He said he was asleep at the time it happened. He said that Shuli kept hammering him and hammering him over the whole thing. Ronnie said it was Stephanie who did the tweet. Howard said he knew it.
Shuli said that they drove to pick up Scott to go to Seattle. He said that as soon as the picked him up it started to rain really heavy. He said that he told Ronnie that they all had to sit in the back of the cab. He said that he did that just to bust his balls. Ronnie said the car was a disaster too. It was raining and the wipers weren't working.
Shuli said they went to a store in the airport and they had to shut down the store once they got there because the cash register broke. He said that the black cloud was really following them there. Shuli said people were telling him to change his flight. He said that he though about doing that too. Scott said they made it there just fine.
Scott uses his phone to play music from. Shuli said that the phone crashed so he had to take the battery out and restart it. Shuli said no one uses a phone to DJ. Scott said he's able to do everything he needs to do from his phone. Shuli said he doesn't turn his ringer off so it rings in the middle of the show. Shuli said he tried calling it during the middle of the show. He said it was ringing through the whole P.A. system. He said Scott picked it up too. He told Scott to turn the ringer off during the show. Howard said this has to be the most unprofessional show ever. Ronnie said people loved it.
The caller from Seattle said that Scott played a Cher song for Ronnie. Scott said that was for Ronnie because he likes Cher.
Shuli said that this guy on the phone was the guy who almost died coming up to the green room. Shuli told Howard about how Scott was back at his room as soon as the show was over. He said he didn't stick around to hang out with anyone.
Ronnie said they took him out to a gay bar after the show. Shuli said that about 40 people were in on that and didn't tell Ronnie. Ronnie said as soon as he got in there some guy tried to kiss him. Shuli said that Howard TV didn't come to this show.
Shuli told Howard about this one girl who was there at the show for a Hot Chick contest. Her boyfriend told her that he'd leave if she went up there. She went up and the boyfriend walked out. Shuli said that she didn't even need to get topless because her top was so revealing. Howard said that he had to take a break so they can get to Little Steven.
Scott said that they're doing a show in Hartford soon and JD is going to fill in for Ronnie. Howard asked JD what he's going to do there. JD said he has some things planned. He said he has a story to tell about Artie and a road gig. Howard said you know he's going to rush through the story so it'll be unintelligible. Howard imagined what that might sound like and he did his impression of JD. Fred got in on that too.
Ronnie said that JD should get ready for the pranks. Shuli said he won't prank JD. Howard asked JD what else he's going to do. JD said that he's afraid that people aren't going to like what he does. He said Ronnie is such a maniac. Ronnie said he told some stories this time and he changed the way he does things at these shows.
Howard said JD should just recite a Chris Rock bit. JD said he thought about that but he's not a stand-up so he doesn't want to do that. Shuli said they should be fine. They can use up the time at the show. Howard and Fred did more of their JD impressions and goofed on him for a short time. Ronnie pointed out that Scott was just staring and this is what he does at the shows. Fred played a phone ringing and Cher's song ''Believe'' in the background.
Howard said he's fascinated by Scott doing nothing. He said he does nothing there when something goes wrong in the studio. He said he just stands there and he can imagine what's going on at the show. Shuli said he's fixated on Scott at the show himself. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Little Steven was there. He's in the E Street Band and he's got his own radio show there at Sirius. Howard said he gave him a weak handshake. He asked if he's nervous about his guitar hand. Steven said that he used to wear rings and he hated people who crushed his hand when he had rings on. Howard said he hates that too. Howard said appreciates that he thought of that.
Howard said he talked to Billy Joel about riding his motorcycle and worrying about his hands. He said Steven must worry like that. Steven boxes and he said he's not a guitar player 24 hours a day. He said he's been playing since he was 13 but he doesn't play it all day long.
Howard said the funny thing about musicians is that many of the guitar players taught themselves. He said it must be a sign of genius. Steven said he's okay but he's not a genius. Steven said that he can't even read music. He said he can arrange things but he can't read or write music.
Howard said that Bruce and Steven were childhood friends and they were both kind of outcasts as kids. Steven said they met in 1965 or 66 and they didn't have much else to do at the time. Howard said he thought starting a band was the best thing to do back then. Steven said it was for them. He said they didn't translate as well as the Beatles did.
Steven and Bruce didn't go to the same school. Howard asked how they knew each other if they didn't go to the same school. Steven said they knew each other from the circuit. He said they were playing the same places so they met that way. Howard asked who they were influenced by. Steven said it was the Beatles, the Kinks, the Stones and more. He said they'd slow down the record and listen to it really slow to learn the songs.
Howard asked Steven if he's being humble when he says he's not a great guitar player. Steven said he wanted to play well enough to compliment the songs and that's about it. Howard asked if Bruce took over the leads when he got better. Steven said Bruce wanted to put the guitar down when he joined the band. Then Bruce took over more of the lead in the late 70s.
Howard said that Steven is the guy who gave Bruce the name The Boss. Howard said he was the number 2 guy to Tony Soprano in The Sopranos. He's also number 2 to Bruce too. Steven said that's his natural inclination. Howard asked if that's how he keeps the band going when he's willing to be the number 2 guy. Steven said he likes being second in command and not being the leader. He said that's just his inclination. Howard said that some guys can't take it when someone else is the leader.
Howard said that Steven is the guy who reunited The Rascals on his radio show. Howard asked what broke them up. Steven said they don't even seem to know. It could have been drugs but now they're talking to each other and they're talking about getting back together. Howard said they had some great songs too. Howard said maybe the drugs did them in and the infighting too.
Howard asked Steven about playing the Half Time show at the Super Bowl and why it's so hard. Steven said they have to play in an exact amount of time. He said he wanted to see them assemble that stage they assemble. He said it's amazing. He said that they come out and tell you that you have 2 minutes until show time and there's a lot of pressure on you. He said it happens quick and you have no time to relax. Howard asked if you have to rehearse a lot. He said they want you there all week long to rehearse. He said it's a really big deal.
Howard asked if they talked about maybe not doing it because it might not be the right thing for them. Steven said they were asked to do it a lot of times but they finally agreed and Bruce had to be close to the fans. He said that was one demand they had.
Howard asked Steven about being on The Sopranos and how he must have been happy to show Bruce that he's not just hanging around home waiting for him. Steven was laughing at Howard's thoughts on that. Howard said he would have loved to have heard the conversation between him and Bruce. Steven said he has a good point about how everyone should have their own life. He said that they get together every 3 years or so and tour. He said that's what they've been doing lately. He said every time he does anew TV show Bruce decides to do a tour. He said he's doing a new show called Lillyhammer for NetFlix and it'll be their first original series. He said that the show is in Norwegian though. He said the premise is that his character understands the language but doesn't speak it. He said they did the show with subtitles and it'll be the first original programming for Netflix. that starts next week on the 6th of February.
Howard asked Steven about starting out playing music at 13 and if he thought about being a big star. Steven said you do have that dream. He said that maybe not be the Beatles but when you see the Rolling Stones come along you think that maybe you can. Howard asked if he co-wrote any songs with Bruce. Steven said that Bruce was very prolific right from the beginning. He said Bruce was writing at the age of 16. He said that it was important. He said that you learn by playing cover versions and bands aren't doing that these days.
Howard asked if they ever got booed off stage. Steven said they were pretty good right from the start. He said they were pretty good and didn't get booed off. He said they worked for a couple of years getting good though. He said there weren't a lot of women back then. He said you were still a freak if you played in a band.
Howard asked if it's true he's worth $120 million. Steven laughed and said that there's a decimal point off there. He said that Bruce is very generous and he's done very well with the Sopranos and his radio show. He said that he also has two channels there on Sirius. He said Robin said he might have a radio show but he has two full channels that he runs.
Howard asked why he left the band for the first time. Steven said he got obsessed with politics. Howard said that corporations run this country. Steven said he must have read what he wrote the other day. Howard asked if he really left the band for politics. Steven said it sounds crazy but he did. Robin asked what he was going to do with that knowledge. Steven said he didn't learn much other than music so he wanted to just learn. He said he was kicked out of high school so he didn't finish school. He said that his dad was very tough on him too. He said he got kicked out of school because of the long hair he had. He said his dad eventually came around and he got along very well with him for years.
Howard asked Steven how he got the courage to have the long hair and do what he wanted to do. Steven said he couldn't do anything else. He said he was a complete loser and didn't want to do anything but play rock and roll. He said that before the Beatles there were no bands in America. He said on February 10th everyone had a band. He said there were a bunch of bands after that and they all took advantage of what they had and the ones who were left standing had no choice. He said that's what happened to him.
Howard said his parents must have screamed and yelled at him. Steven said they did but there was no business to get into at the time. He said that business didn't come until the 70s. He said that he moved in with a girlfriend and they lived together for a while.
Howard asked if his mom is still around. Steven said she is and he goes to see her every week in Jersey. Steven said that the whole generation of parents at the time had no idea what was going on so it was a complete break.
Howard asked Steven about leaving the band for the first time. He asked if Bruce pulled him aside and tried to talk to him. Steven said Bruce did and so did 100 other people. He said that he had a lot of guys who tried to talk him out of it. Steven said that they had just broken with ''The River'' and he decided to leave. Steven said they had sold 3 million records and they thought you couldn't sell more than that. Steven said after all of that work he walked away and that was very stupid.
Howard asked how he educated himself about politics. Steven said he read a lot of books. He said that's the way education should work too. He said that you shouldn't be forced into it. He said you should be able to do it when you want to learn. Howard asked if he would go to the library and find books. Steven said he went to the book store and bought books to read. He said that he learned a lot of stuff too. He said you start to feel responsible when you learn this stuff. Steven said he realized that he was an American citizen and that's why people would come up to him at shows and ask questions about why the country was doing things they were doing.
Howard asked Steven about what he thinks about Iraq and Afghanistan. Steven said that staying there is wrong because the Taliban has packed up and moved. He said he hates that young guys are dying over there for no good reason. He said that we can't win over there.
Howard asked Steven what he did after leaving the band. Steven said he was writing music about politics. He said he had a lot of songs about the things that were going on around the world. He did that for 5 albums throughout the 80s.
Howard asked when he realized he had made a mistake leaving the band. Steven said it didn't take long. He said that he looks back on it now and thinks that he never should have left. Howard asked if he called Bruce and said he made a mistake. Steven said that he had to see how far he could go with it. Then he did the 5 albums and learned what he wanted to learn.
Howard asked Steven about the Tea Party and the Occupy protesters. He said that the big corporations just laugh when they see this stuff. Steven said that the 99 percent includes the police and it's terrible to see that.
Howard asked Steven about Nils Loftgren taking over for him and if he got resentful. Steven said he didn't. He said it was his choice to leave so it didn't bother him. Howard said Bruce could have been vindictive and said that since he left him he wouldn't take him back. He didn't do that and took him back. Steven said that if you look on the back of Born in the USA you see that Bruce said goodbye and wished him a good journey. He said that they were both upset at the time. He said they were like brothers at the time. He said they stayed friends and they would talk all those years.
Steven said that he was talking to Bruce one day and mentioned that it was like all of the bands in the 80s just disappeared at the same time. He said he felt bad for the audience that they had done that. Steven said he talked to Bruce about getting back together.
Howard asked if he's obsessed with bob Seger like Bruce is. Steven said he was very cool and he plays his stuff on his Underground Garage channel.
Howard asked if he's in love with Bruce. Steven said he is. He said he's been friends with the guy for all these years and it's like they're brothers. Howard asked if they're going to replace Clarence. Steven said they're just rehearsing now and he's not sure what they're going to do.
Howard said he thinks that they should get a guy there who can play a lot of things and pay him a couple of bucks and not make him a band member. Steven was laughing. Howard said that he must be right and they don't want to pay the guy like they paid Clarence. Howard said they're not going to find a replacement for Clarence. Howard said someone will have to play the Saxophone parts but they don't need a replacement.
Howard said they could do a virtual thing with clips of Clarence. Steven laughed and said he'll bring all of this up at the meetings. Howard said he has met Bruce at a couple of parties and they've tried to have conversations but it's very hard. He said that he clams up and he seems like a bigger than life guy. Howard said he can't think of anything to say. Steven said Howard is a music fan so he must be able to come up with something. Howard said he's got nothing when he's near the guy.
Steven told Howard to just talk about The Rolling Stones and stuff like that. Howard said he should do that. He said he might let Bruce and Steven come on America's Got Talent sometime. Steven said he's a great guy.
Howard said he heard that Sting almost fucked up the E Street Band. Howard said he heard Sting told Bruce that he should drop the band and just perform on his own like Sting did. Howard said that he did dump the band for a while. Steven said he's never heard that story. Howard said that's why Bruce dumped the band. Steven said he wasn't there at the time but he thought Bruce just wanted to try a few new things.
Howard said that Steven has this nice thing going with acting and the tour thing. He asked if he was at Clarence's funeral. He said he was. He didn't speak though. Howard said he should have. Steven said that it's very emotional. He said it's still very emotional.
Howard asked what it was that killed him. Steven said he guesses it was a stroke. He said he was off filming in Norway when he passed. He said Bruce was the one who called and told him. He said he got the call that he had the stoke and then Bruce called him when he died. He said it's such a terrible thing.
Howard said Clarence's wives all showed up and they all liked him. He found that very odd. Howard said that he wanted to bang Robin too. He said that he came on to her in a way that was wild. He said that he was talking about putting her into the bathtub with him. Fred played the clip of Clarence talking to Robin while his sax was playing in the background. Howard said the guy was smitten but Robin turned him down. Steven said that was a big mistake.
Gary came in and asked why the E Street Band isn't in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Bruce is in it but not the band. Gary said he thinks that it's because the band didn't get credit on the albums early on. Steven said that's it. He said that Clarence and Max Weinberg should be in the hall of fame. Steven said it's a complicated subject. He said it's not his favorite either.
Howard asked Steven about the hall of fame being a joke. Steven said he doesn't think so. He said he's a big supporter of it because it's going to be the first line in your epitaph. He said that people who don't make a lot of money can still get into it. Howard said the hall of fame is meaningless to him as a fan. Steven said it does mean a lot to the guys who have been in it for many years. He said there are a lot of guys who didn't make money and it means a lot to them.
Howard asked if the resentment is that Bruce should have said that he should have been inducted with the band. Steven said that he should talk to Bruce about that. Steven said he's not angry about that. Steven said that they had some technical reason they couldn't be inducted. Howard said that Bruce isn't listening to this right now. He asked if Bruce should have accepted without his band. Steven said he deserves to be in as a solo artist. He said that you can be in for more than one reason. Howard said he's being diplomatic and he's actually very angry about this. Steven just laughed.
Howard asked if there's going to be a Sopranos movie. Steven said half the cast is dead so he doesn't think that's going to happen. He said he does stay in touch with James Gandolfini though.
Howard gave Steven some plugs for his new show on Netflix. Howard told him not to leave and study politics if the show is a hit. Steven said he'll remember that.
Howard asked Steven when the corporations took control of this country. Steven went through the process and how they came up with this decision that a corporation is a person. He said the country can be saved but it's not going to be an easy fight. He said that there are a lot of things that would need to be changed. Steven said there are basically four guys who run the country. He went through some stuff with Howard about why this country is fat and why the foods we eat won't change because the corporations are paying off politicians.
Howard gave Steven some more plugs for his stuff and then took a call. The caller asked how he got Andrew Loog Oldham on his show. Steven said that he was the Rolling Stones manager early on. He said that he had a drug problem for a few years and he talked about that on the show. He said he knew he'd make a great DJ so he brought him on. He said that's on channel 21 there at Sirius. He also has Kid Leo as a DJ on his channel. Howard said he knows that guy. Steven said they have Johnny Knoxville on the country channel too. He said they play all of the cool guys in country on that channel.
Howard said he loves Steven and he loves talking to him. He said he's one of a kind. Howard asked the fans to check out his show on Netflix starting February 6. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Fred just adopted a dog. Fred said his wife wants to get another one but he's holding off until he can get this one house broken. Howard said that the dog Beth had was very well behaved. Beth said they're going to put a picture of him up on Howard's web site this morning.
Howard said Beth told him that he looked like Herman Munster this morning on his way out. Beth said it was the slim fitting jacket that looked like Herman Munster's. She said it wasn't Howard that looked like Herman. Howard said he and Beth are going to go to Los Angeles together. He said he's going to try and fit in a couple of vacation days but it seems that they're going to keep him busy out there.
Howard said if they were going to get another dog he would adopt this one that Beth has. Beth said that Bianca wasn't doing very well this morning. Howard said it's really sad because he loves that dog so much. He said they're all broken up about it. He said it just blows.
Howard said he and Beth were watching The Bachelor last night. Beth said Howard cut it off after half the show was over and said it was time for bed. Howard said he's going to make love to her tonight. He said she looks really good this morning. She said she has a ton of make up on. Beth said she's going to be on another show this afternoon and one tomorrow with Tim Gunn. Howard said that guy claims he hasn't had sex in 30 years. Howard said that he can't believe that.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the ''Celebrity Wife Swap'' show and asked Howard who would be a good wife swap for Beth. Howard said he's not going to do the wife swap thing. Robin said they don't have sex. they just swap wives for a short time. Gary said he actually got a call from them and he said his wife didn't want to do it. Gary said his son got mad when he saw that Flavor Flav was on the show because he would have loved to have had him living in their house for a week.
Howard said he wants to live with his own wife. He doesn't want to do that with anyone else's wife. Gary said they should do their own with people like Sal's wife. Howard said they can do that all they want but he's not going to do it.
The caller asked Howard about dropping chess after a few years so he wondered if he's going to drop photography too. He asked if he's doing it because it keeps him closer to Beth. Howard said he thought it would be more relaxing than Chess. He said that he would walk around depressed playing chess so he had to give it up. The caller asked if he gets that way over a bad picture. Beth quickly said yes. Howard said he does but it's not like Chess was.
Howard said he wishes that they had a TV show right now so he could show this dog. He said that's some dog. Beth said that he smells like puppy. Howard said he would never let Benjy take that dog. He said he wouldn't make a good owner. He said Scott DePace wouldn't' make a good one either. He hits his dog with a newspaper. Howard asked where Richie Wilson is. Beth said that Richie and Rachel would be great owners.
Howard said Gange couldn't have it either. He said he would allow Fred or Robin to take it. Beth said that when you have a Super Bowl party you shouldn't let anyone give their pets food or alcohol. She said that alcohol is like poison to dogs.
Howard said that Ronnie would be a great dog owner too. Howard asked Will and Doug if they'd be interested. Doug wasn't there. Beth said this dog is so cute. She said he was laying there with his legs straight out. Howard said that he is cute. Beth wanted to name him Howard. Howard said they can let someone else name the dog.
Beth wanted to go out to dinner tonight but Howard said he has a lot of meetings. He said he's not sure if he can do that. He said he should be home around 5. They will be making love tonight so they are going to have a nice dinner.
Howard said he tweeted out a photo of Beth in a bikini out in the snow. Robin said they were great shots. Beth said she had fun shooting those two shots. She said that Howard got them very quickly. She said she didn't get too cold doing it. Howard told Beth he loves her and went to break a short time later.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said there's a whole scene going on in the hallway with the dog out there. Howard said he didn't seem to want to do this preview. Jon said he wasn't sure if he wanted him to. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show and mentioned Little Steven. they spent a short time talking about him and what a great guy he seems to be. Jon ran down a few more things they'd be discussing today. He quickly went through the rest of that stuff.
Robin started her news with a story about an Afghan woman who gave birth to a second daughter and the husband strangled her to death because she didn't give him a son. Howard said he should have strangled himself since it's his fault.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the woman in that article Robin read had her third daughter, not just her second. The caller also said that she read an article about Joe Paterno and how in 1999 Sandusky had retired and Paterno had figured... Howard cut her off and said he's not sure where she's going with this. The caller told Howard more about the story but Howard cut her off again and said that maybe she can call some other show where they discuss Paterno. She said that Paterno didn't know about the whole shower thing until later than they're saying. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said he hung in there as long as he could. He said he was ready to jump out the window. He said that someone asked recently why he takes any calls since he hangs up on them anyway. Howard said that he has a good sense of how a call is going. He said that if she could have just gotten to her point it would have been better. He said there has to be a way to tighten that story up. He said it was like a book report. Howard said in school you do a summation but then there's the kid that writes down everything. He said she was reciting the whole article and he sensed that the whole audience was zoning out. He said he gives that call a D grade. Robin said he's right on with that.
Robin got back to her news and said there's a trend going on with college women and they're saying that women are exhibiting a growly, creaky voice pattern. Robin said they give examples of this. Howard said it sounds like this and did his Bill Clinton impression. Howard said there's a woman on The Bachelor who sounds like that. Robin read more about the voice that women are using and how they growl when they do it. Howard said that he's heard it and he's against it. Robin said they say it's like a gritty, sexy voice that 85 year old habitual smokers get.
Robin read a story about Alec Baldwin saying he's developed Diabetes. Howard said he has lost a lot of weight lately. Robin said that sugar was his problem. Robin also mentioned Paula Deen coming out and saying that she has diabetes.
Howard said he had an example of that voice Robin did the story about. He had a clip of Chynna the wrestler saying ''I love my vagina'' that had that weird thing going on. That led to Fred doing his Herman Munster impression for Chynna's voice.
Robin read about a dentist who used paper clips as a post in a tooth implant. Robin said the guy is in trouble now for doing that. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how he wasn't punished enough for what he did.
Howard took a call from the woman he hung up on earlier. The woman, Kelly, said that he didn't have to hang up on her. She said that he should have guided her with that conversation. Howard said that she's excused for that call. He asked if she was wearing a mini-skirt like she said earlier. She said she is. Howard asked what she does for a living. She said she's a professional and kind of a motivational speaker. She said that she is married. Howard asked if she cheats on her husband. She said no to that. Howard asked if they can see pictures of her online. She said she doesn't put them out there. She said she's 43 years old so Howard said ''Okay, we'll talk to you later.'' and hung up on her.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Beth is gorgeous but she's supposed to have children and Howard is a schmuck. Howard said this guy has a funny accent. It was Russian. Howard said he'll make her a baby tonight to make this guy happy. The caller said he's a great guy. Howard asked the guy what he does for a living. He said he's a barber. Howard said he must have been a doctor over there in Russia before he came over. Vladimir said that he wasn't a doctor. Howard and Fred did their impressions of him and had some fun with that for a few minutes. Vladimir said that Howard has his real hair and he's tired of people saying he wears a wig. Howard thanked him for that and let him go. Howard and Fred spent a couple more minutes goofing on his accent.
Robin read a story about how black segregation is at it's lowest point in history. Howard said he doesn't believe it. He said if you stick a black family in a white neighborhood you'll see the white people move right out. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about how science classes around the country are sweeping the theory of evolution under the rug. Robin said they say that many states are handling it but there are anti-evolution people who are pushing for it to be dropped. Howard said that they should stop teaching Math too since they don't want to teach science. Howard said that they'd rather hear made up stories about God than learn science.
Robin read about the Carnival corporation getting sued over the sinking of their cruise ship in Italy. Robin said there may be as many as 2000 plaintiffs in the law suit. Robin said they offered to give each of them $14,000 in cash and pay for their losses.
Robin said that Chris Christy has been accused of being a segregationist. Robin said that he had some things to say about gay people recently and they compared him to George Wallace. Robin had some audio of Christy making some statements. Howard said he doesn't understand what the problem is with gay people. He said that gay marriage isn't hurting anyone. He said that the brain is like a computer and when things are over, it's over. He said you don't go anywhere. He said he laughs at those people who think you do go somewhere else.
Robin had some Mitt Romney audio to play and some updates on the polls for the republican nominees. Robin had some audio of Newt Gingrich too.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he finds one of the women on The Bachelor to be a cunt. He said that she talks weird. Howard said that he knows who he's talking about. Howard said it's very odd talking to Jeff about The Bachelor. Howard wondered if any girl would stick around for him. Jeff said he thinks at least one would.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump who is thinking about running in a third party for President. Howard said he's not thinking about this. He said Trump learned a long time ago that you have to keep your name out there to sell product. Howard said he didn't know that Trump was 65 and he's saying he wants to be buried on one of his golf courses. Howard said that's kind of depressing. He said he doesn't want to be golfing and see Trump there. Howard said they are building a mausoleum on one of his courses though.
Howard mentioned that Howie Mandel will be in tomorrow. He said that Rachel Maddow will be in soon too. He said he finds her very sexy. Howard said he'd like to turn her from being lesbian. Howard said his TiVo thinks that he's a woman so maybe he could get Rachel. Howard said he thinks that it would be cool to have her come home and talk about stuff. He said she seems exciting to him. He said she looks good too. Howard said he's not the only one. He said he's gotten email from people who agree with him.
Robin read a story about a guy who came out of a 10 day coma after they almost pulled the feeding tube from him. Robin said that he started to come out of the coma on Sunday. Robin said there have been long term fights over this kind of thing before and this guy is actually coming out of the coma.
Robin read about how the people who did the song ''Eye of the Tiger'' are suing Newt Gingrich for using the song. Howard said you'd think that the guy would want to lose a few pounds before saying he has eye of the tiger.
Robin brought up some Super Bowl news and that led to Gary and Howard talking about the show they're going to run after the show called ''Smash.'' Howard said he saw that show and he liked it. He said he knows he's not like most guys but he liked it.
Howard said that he's turned into his mother. He said he's wondering why they start the game at 6:30 because they have to get up early the next morning. Howard said that they should have the Monday after the game off. Howard said that they can't go and watch the game live because they have to get up the next morning. Howard did his impression of his mom complaining about the time the game is being played. He had a whole conversation between his mom, dad and Robin. He had them talking about the stuff they watch on TV and how they can't stay up late to watch some stuff. Howard had his mom talking about how violent football is and how sad it is.
Robin read a story about Daniel Radcliff and Howard said he's gotten very odd looking. He said he won't be a leading man anymore. He said he should be a director. Robin said they're still making a big deal about him when he's in a movie and he's in a new one. Howard said he'll never be in a movie like Iron Man. He said they have to bring a Harry Potter vs. Spider-Man out and then he can be a leading man. Howard said he saw a few of the Harry Potter movies but he seems like he isn't very good at doing magic. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about Daniel in the movie ''Woman In Black.''
Robin read a story about a judge who seized a Allen Iverson's bank account so they could pay off a jewelry store for an outstanding bill of over $896,000. Howard said he can't imagine why these guys spend that kind of money when their career could end at any minute.
Robin wrapped up her news after that. They were done around 10:20am.
Jon said that Lisa G is apparently too close to the Benjy and Elisa story to cover it so they had Jon cover it. The caller said Benjy should have used the Autotune when he did the song last night. Steve Brandano was there and he said that the caller is right. He said Benjy can not sing. He said that Benjy did give it a try. He said Elisa is very hot too. He said that she does have some talent and her songs are catchy. Steve said it was hard to take her seriously though with Benjy there blowing the Shofar.
Jon asked Steve if he thinks that Elisa is using Benjy. Steve said that you just end up saying that you have no idea what is going on there. He said that she has to be wacky to be going out with Benjy. He said being there didn't help to clue him in either.
Jon took another call from a caller who said that Gary has every right to be pissed off at Benjy. He said he thinks that Elisa is doing shtick too and it's got to all be horse shit. Jon said people fear that she's using him to get mentions on the show.
Gary showed up and said that he wants to have this conversation with Benjy. He said he feels that he'd disrespecting the show to a degree. He said he's trying to shoehorn in a plug and he thinks that he should save those times for important things. He said he's not sure what the end game is for Benjy. He said he feels that he's wasting those plugs with stuff like this. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon said that Lisa has said that Elisa might be using Benjy and she might be upset about that. Lisa said that Benjy is doing what he wants to do and that's upsetting to her. She said she liked Benjy the way he used to be. She said that when Elisa tells him to jump, he jumps. She said it's upsetting to her that Benjy is acting like a hamster and looking like one too.
Gary said that people can change. Lisa said that she has to accept that this is what makes him happy. Benjy showed up so Jon told him what they were talking about. Lisa told Benjy that she liked him the way he was before but this is something she has to accept.
Benjy asked how he has changed. Lisa said that when Elisa says jump, he jumps. She said she saw the video of them in their apartment and saw Elisa tell Benjy to put his hat back on when he took it off. Benjy said he thinks that he looks better with a hat on. Lisa asked what the big deal is. Benjy said that he thinks he's more attractive with a hat. He said that he jokingly takes it off sometimes.
Benjy said he hasn't changed. Gary said that he grew a beard and colored it. Benjy said he doesn't keep it all the time. He said he doesn't think he's changed that much. He said he thinks that's B.S.
Jon said that Gary has been having some issues with Benjy lately too. Gary said he feels that he's becoming like Jackie with his plugs. He said that he doesn't reel it in at all and it's getting tedious. He said Howard is going to get fed up with it and tell him that it's enough already. Gary asked if this song is so important to him that he has to go all in with the plugs. Benjy said he's not sure how to argue this. Gary said he feels that he's putting all he had in the plug bank on this one thing. Benjy said he's just being himself. Gary asked him to answer what he just said. Benjy said that he's asking a question that's like a ''do you beat your wife'' kind of thing.
Gary said that's not the case. He said that he's saying that he's doing whatever he can to draw attention to himself. He said that he's drawing on his hand and not telling the truth on the show. Benjy said he did that to help him learn the lyrics. He said he knew as soon as he got to work yesterday that he was doing it for attention but that's not why. He said he didn't want to wash it off just so people would think he was doing it for attention. Benjy said that Gary thought he did it for a certain purpose but he didn't do it for that reason. He said he did it for another reason so he didn't wash it off.
Gary said he had to have known that it was going to be a distraction. Benjy asked how it's a distraction. Gary told him to stop being stupid and realize that it's a huge distraction when everyone sees it and sends notes to Howard about it. He said Benjy doesn't know anything until he needs to know it. Jon said he doesn't think he's being truthful about it either. He said he's kidding himself thinking that it's not distracting.
Gary said if he had something written on his hands he'd tell Howard about it. Shuli said he came in with hickeys on his neck too. Gary said that it's all about ''notice me'' so maybe he should write a song about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary why he gives Benjy such a hard time. Gary said he thinks that Benjy doesn't believe he's held accountable for anything. The caller said Gary has a weird way of twisting stuff around to make people look like assholes. He said he did that to Sal yesterday. Gary said Sal said something stupid and he just pointed it out. He said they just explore things like that.
Jon asked the caller if he thinks Gary is being unfair to Benjy. The caller said he's not sure about that. He said that Benjy is doing weird things but just let him go. He said the guy is weird but just let him go. Jon said they do let him go. He said that some people are concerned for him and they think he's being used and that's not that crazy of an assumption.
Shuli said that Lisa said something interesting about it the other day. Lisa said she talks about it all the time. Shuli said she said it's like when your son starts to act weird and you're concerned. Lisa said this is Benjy's choice and it seems kind of tacky to her that it's all about Elisa on the air all the time. She said that we don't hear about other spouses on the air like they do with her.
Gary said there are unspoken rules there and you don't want to exploit the show. He said he feels that Benjy is treading on that ground. Benjy asked what principle he violated. Gary said that Benjy is getting in too many plugs and it's all for Elisa. He said that he comes in with all of this stuff to get them to notice him and they do their best not to notice it. Gary said that he could go on and on about how he's trying to get them to notice him and they're trying their best not to notice.
Jon asked if Benjy was asking why Lisa is mad at him earlier. Benjy said he was. Lisa said she's not mad at him. She said that she's just worried about him. Benjy said he felt that she said some mean things about Elisa. Jon Leiberman said that Lisa called Elisa's career a non-career. Lisa said she actually said that Benjy was trying to be a hero to a non-career. Benjy said he's not sure what her rage is about. Lisa said that if she's that talented then she'll be fine on her own. She said that he can take a breath over it but he's in this trance about the whole thing. She said that it feels like too much. Gary said it doesn't feel organic. It feels very manufactured.
Jon said it sounds like a maternal instinct kind of thing. Lisa said that Benjy is fantastic and it's upsetting to her that she's seeing some of these changes. She said she has to accept it and just let it go though.
Jon asked Leiberman if he's overwhelmed about this whole thing. Leiberman said that he has to keep his headphones on so he can stop listening to her complaining at times.
Leiberman said that he had a conversation with Elisa's family and they think that it's a real relationship that's heading places. He asked if that is a real relationship or is it shtick. Benjy said that it started out as a crush and now Elisa has feelings for him. Leiberman said that Elisa wants to get married at some point. Benjy said he isn't ready for that. He said he is exploring that issue though. Gary laughed. He said Benjy may never be ready for it. Benjy said they are in couples therapy for it and he is working on it. He said he does struggle with the marriage thing but also the freedom of not being married. Gary said that you have to be a couple before you go to couple's therapy. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie why guys are kissing him everywhere he goes. Ronnie said he had a guy try to kiss him on Saturday night. He said the guy was scary. Jon asked how they handled that. Ronnie said that they kicked the guy out of the club. Shuli said the guy tried to lick his ear too. He said when he pushed him away the guy said ''C'mon you fag...''
Gary said Ronnie goes on these gigs and it sounds like Scott is tortured the whole time. Jon said that he was the genesis of the whole thing. Shuli said that Scott should be happy that he's out on the road and getting paid for it. Shuli said they have it all set but Scott has to have his phone set to make sure they take the right route. Ronnie said he did that when they went to a race track once. He said that Scott has his GPS set up even when they have a GPS in the car already. Shuli said they heard that Scot was pacing a lot in his hotel room too.
Jon asked Gary about Little Steven and how he's not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Gary said that's such a travesty. He said that he belongs in there. Jon asked if Howard would bring the group of guys with him into a radio hall of fame. Gary said that's different. He said that it's really not the same thing. They spent another few seconds on that but they had to end the show around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how they were going to have their sound byte contest today. He said they'll be judging the contest. He said that Howie Mandel will be stopping by today too. He said he hasn't spoken to him since his big announcement about joining America's Got Talent. Howard said that Simon Cowell fired most of the judges on X-Factor so the chemistry matters on the shows.
Howard said next week Adrianne Curry will be stopping by. Robin pointed out that she broke up with Christopher Knight after she was on the show last time. Howard had predicted that it was over.
Howard said he thought that he had cut back on the Benjy talk but people are upset that they talk about him at all on the show. He said that sometimes they pick up on that story on the Wrap Up Show and people are upset about that too.
Howard said he's heard that Lisa G is obsessed with Benjy and Elisa and she talks about them constantly back in the news room. He said it's so bad that one of the news guys has to put on his headphones so he doesn't hear it. Howard said Lisa was on the Wrap Up Show talking about Benjy and he thinks she gave him some good advice. Howard played a clip of Lisa talking to Benjy about Elisa. You can read what I wrote yesterday here.
Howard said it was almost like an intervention yesterday. He said that what she was saying was true and he thinks that Benjy thinks as long as he can keep her career going she'll remain interested in him. Howard said he thinks Lisa made a good point. Benjy asked what that point was. Howard said it seems to him that he's devoting a lot of his energy to promoting Elisa's career. Howard said he never really plugged things to death over the years but lately it's getting to the point where it's amped up. He said it seems like a lot of pressure to keep her in the limelight. He said that seems to be his cache with her.
Howard said he feels that Benjy is being a hero. He said he's coming through in spades and it's keeping her interested in him. He mentioned that Elisa's family was on the radio. Benjy said that they showed up to the show they did. He said he didn't bring them on the radio. They were interviewed for the news.
Howard said he thinks that Benjy is busy with Elisa so much that he's doing things for her instead of doing them for the show. He said he got on CNN and yelled out her name instead of something for the show. Howard said that's what it seems like to him. Howard said he feels that he's afraid to let go of this because Elisa is happy with what he's doing.
Howard said he is going to suggest to Howie today that he not promote his Twitter account so much. He said it looks desperate. He said that's what Benjy is like lately. Benjy said that anything that he brings up is something that Howard is interested in.
Howard played another clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Gary talked about Benjy's plugs and how it's getting to be too much. He was also talking to him about the writing on his hands and how he's begging for attention with stuff like that.
Howard told Benjy that it is a distraction and he sees the writing on his hands on that machine that shows him the notes he writes. Benjy asked how he saw the notes on his hand. Howard said he did see it. Benjy didn't believe it. Howard said he just didn't want to deal with it when someone told him about it and then he saw it and couldn't ignore it anymore. Howard said Benjy knows that they can see it. Benjy said he really didn't. Howard said he is devoted to keeping his girlfriend's career on target. He said he really should think about this and not fight Gary on what he was saying. He said he doesn't think Gary has a bad bone in his body. He said he's the least viper-like in the studio.
Gary said no matter what you ask Benjy about doing, he denies it. Howard said he is consumed with getting Elisa's career mentioned and getting some traction for her. Howard asked if he feels that at all. Benjy said he does but it's not to get her to love him. Howard said he thinks that it's what he can bring to the table for her. Benjy said that she loves him. Howard said she said on the show that she didn't. He said he thinks that once he started getting her mentioned on CNN and things like that then she became interested.
Benjy said it was a funny thing to do. Howard asked if there was anything funny he could have done for the Howard Stern Show. Benjy said it was for the Howard Stern Show. He said he didn't want to focus on the Herman Cain thing when he went to that press conference. He wanted to bring up something else and Elisa is what came to mind. Howard said he's like Hinkley who has to impress Jodi Foster. Benjy said that's not what it was about.
Howard said every bit that Benjy has been doing lately is about Elisa. That's what Gary is talking about and that's what Lisa is suggesting that he take a break from. Howard said it will take the pressure off of the relationship if he does that.
Lisa G came in and she told Howard that she appreciates that Howard heard her. Howard said that he hears that back in the news room that she's obsessed with this. Lisa said she does feel kind of consumed. She said that she's like the reporters who had to cover the 9/11 widows and fell in love with them. Lisa said it's starting to feel tacky to her. She said she doesn't know Elisa so it's nothing personal. She said she's not sure who keeps telling Benjy to keep doing this stuff. Howard said maybe Benjy shouldn't be putting his career in jeopardy.
Benjy asked what it is that Lisa thinks is too much. Lisa said that the video and t-shirts and hats and all of that stuff. Benjy said that this is bullshit. He wanted to know about what video she's upset about. Gary said they post videos on YouTube all the time. Benjy asked Lisa if she puts videos of herself and her cats on YouTube. Lisa said that she is upset about the t-shirts and stuff too.
Howard told Benjy that she's trying to tell him that he's putting out t-shirts and calling it Benjy couture. Benjy asked why she has to be mean about it. Lisa said that she has an opinion.
Howard said he knows Benjy just hired a publicist and he's fine with that. Benjy said he's not sure what Howard is talking about. Benjy asked what he's basing this on. Gary said it's what Jon Leiberman told them. Howard said he's not against that. He said he would like to see his career blossom. He said he is a very big proponent of that. He said he likes to see his staff doing well. Howard said he thinks that when it comes to his relationship with Elisa it seems like there's a lot of pressure there and he's busy doing bits with her. He said there's a lot of thought going into the promotion of Elisa. Howard said he thinks that it's getting to be too much and he's not bringing up the Show in his bits. He said he thinks that he has a lot of internal pressure to be Superman to her. He said he knows that pressure but it's a sad situation for him.
Benjy said he doesn't feel that pressure. Howard said he thinks he does. Howard said he came up with a t-shirt and he's kind of just met this girl. He said it's a money making thing and he thinks that he should listen to him about t-shirts. Howard said he isn't going to market a t-shirt about himself and Beth. Howard said he has to pick and choose what his comedy is going to be about. It doesn't need to be about Elisa all the time. Howard said it can seem like he's falling into the abyss of this relationship.
Benjy said he doesn't feel this pressure and Howard is wrong. Howard said he thinks he's just not aware of the pressure. Benjy said he doesn't think Lisa should be mean either. Lisa said that he didn't even hear what Howard just said.
Howard said he's talking about Benjy and not about his girlfriend. Howard said she's lovely and he doesn't even know her. Benjy said that Lisa has been acting weird toward him. Howard asked if she's being mean. Lisa said that she did apologize to him but she had an opinion.
Gary said he's not sure if Lisa is being mean. He said that it is just an opinion. He said she's not saying she ''hates that bitch'' or anything like that. Lisa said she thinks that Benjy is an amazing comedy writer but she's not sure why she's not telling Benjy to write sitcoms instead of wasting his time with this stuff. Howard said that's kind of overstepping things. He said that Benjy should just let things happen and not spend so much time promoting.
Howard said he heard that Lisa was home texting Jon Leiberman about the Benjy t-shirts. Lisa said she feels better now that Howard has said something. She said someone finally heard what she was saying. Benjy said it seems like she's saying that she's unable to be profession about this one subject. Lisa said that's not true.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said she's busy with the news and she doesn't care about Benjy. She said she's with the audience. Howard said he got sucked in by the Wrap UP Show. Robin said she was going to say something but then she felt she was getting sucked in and she got into the news instead.
Benjy asked Robin what happened to her being a better person. Robin said she isn't going to talk to him. Benjy said he agrees that he doesn't fit in there and they pigeon hole him into this weird thing. Howard said he thinks that Gary and Lisa made some good points yesterday. He said he got intrigued again after hearing the Wrap UP Show.
Howard said Robin is right and this is too much. He said that he is just weighing in with his 2 cents. Robin said her point is that Benjy doesn't take advice. Howard said she's right. Howard said he's wasting his breath. Lisa said she had to go so Howard let her go. Howard said they're going to talk about Fred instead.
Howard said Robin is right and they're wasting their time. Benjy said the deal is that Robin doesn't like him. Howard said Robin is going to get sucked in too. Howard asked if she likes Benjy. Robin said she loves him.
Howard said there were people during the Vietnam war who were calling people dirty, filthy hippies for coming out against it. Howard said he was against it and he spoke out. He said that they call you unpatriotic but he doesn't think that Tony is unpatriotic. Howard said that was his feeling and he was just talking about it. Robin said he was against the war and that's what he was saying that day.
Howard said he was saying that the war is going to bite us in the ass eventually. Howard said Little Steven was saying that yesterday too. Howard said he's not closed to looking at that stuff.
The caller also mentioned Ronnie being one thing that there's too much of. Howard said he thinks it's wild what's going on with him.
Howard said Vinnie Favale is on the line. Howard said Vinnie has a title that's so long that he has to staple business cards together to fit the title on. Vinnie said that they're all looking forward to him being on Letterman tonight. Howard said that he wants to make sure Toni and Ralph can get in there today.
Howard said he's sitting at home last night thinking about this whole thing. He said that he's going to be part of the 30th anniversary celebration this week. He said he's happy to do it. Howard said he's not really happy to do it because he ends up hating it. Howard said he's going to stick around and do the show today. Howard said Ralph is bringing his clothes over and Toni is coming to do his hair. He said they haven't heard from Letterman yet and they're not sure if they can get in. They're not sure what time they have to be there either.
Howard asked how Dave is doing. Vinnie said that Dave is great. He said they had Bill Murray on last night. He said he was on 30 years ago. Howard stopped Vinnie and asked if Dave has gone back to fucking the interns. Vinnie wasn't talking. Howard said that he keeps his job because he keeps his mouth shut.
Howard asked Vinnie if they have any female interns now. Vinnie pretended he didn't hear. He said this conversation is ridiculous. He said he's not even sure who the interns are over there anymore. Howard asked what the dynamic is over there now. Vinnie said this is Howard's 41st appearance on the show. He just changed subjects.
Howard asked who else has been on more than him. Vinnie said Regis has. He said Howard has spread it all across the 30 years though. He said that other people have done a lot more in certain times. He said Howard has been consistent over that 30 years. Howard said maybe that's because he doesn't say yes every time they ask him to be on. Vinnie said tonight is special because he's not coming on to promote. Howard said he is coming in to promote America's Got Talent. He said he's really doing it for Dave though. He said that Dave helped expose him to a national audience early on.
Howard said Dave has helped him out with things over the years and he's always been very kind to him. H said he knows he's come through for Dave too but he has a fond spot in his heart for him and he thinks he's a world class talent.
Robin said she was watching the Joaquin Phoenix documentary and saw Dave in that. She said that Dave was amazing with that interview. She said that his comebacks were great in that show.
Vinnie said that they launched a time line thing on Facebook for Dave's show. He said that the concept is that they have history on Facebook. Fred played a snoring sound as Vinnie was explaining it. Howard potted down Vinnie's voice as he was talking and let the snores cover up what he was saying. Vinnie said you can see this time line thing at Facebook.com/DavidLetterman. Vinnie told him not to make a mockery of this. He said you really should check it out.
Howard said he saw that Rob Burnett was saying nice things about him but he doesn't think that he and Dave are kindred spirits like Rob said. Howard said he thinks that Dave has had it with Rob.
Vinnie told Howard that Dave loves Howard as much as the audience does. He said Dave likes that he takes over. Howard said he's done doing that. He said he's not going to take over tonight.
Howard said he has a lot of things going on in his life and he has about 5 nudnicks in his life. He said the one highlight of his day was going to John Varvatos to get a wardrobe together. He said this guy is a genius. He said he made him feel beautiful. Howard said the guy looked him over with Ralph and they picked out some clothes. Howard said that he had a nice experience there. Howard said the guy is creative and he's so good at his job. Howard thanked Mr. Varvatos. Howard said the guy makes his clothes for men and you look good. He said that you don't look like you put 20 hours into dressing. Howard said he has to just throw a jacket on and be done with it.
Robin asked Howard if he finds it funny that football players wear suits. Howard said they get some money in their pockets and they think they're businessmen. Howard said they have one meeting with Nike a year and they think they're in business. Robin said it is funny to see them in tailored suits.
Vinnie asked about the Super Bowl commercial he shot. Howard told Vinnie that he's going to let that be a surprise. Howard said that he was asked to go on Jay Leno's show but he told NBC that he won't go on. He said that he's on Dave's side and he's not going to make up with Jay like Dave claimed to have. Howard said that's bullshit. He said that Dave needs to fuck an intern and clear the pipes. Howard said he can't wait to talk to Dave about that.
Howard said he had 12 NBC guys in there and they asked him about Leno. Howard said he will do Dave. That's it. Howard said he's the only asshole who gets caught up in this shit though. He said Dave should think like this too. Howard said Dave is older and wiser now but he doesn't need that. He said Dave needs the fire in his belly and he has to say ''fuck Jay Leno.'' Vinnie said they'd have to bleep him if he did that.
Howard said Dave is like Rihanna going back to Chris Brown. He said Dave is like a battered woman. Howard said Rihanna is going back to a guy who punched her out. Howard said he's going to talk to Dave and trick him into talking about Leno like this. Howard said he'll ask about Rihanna and Chris Brown and then turn it around on Dave and ask what the fuck is wrong with him.
Vinnie told Howard that there's a picture of Dave with Liberace and Bob Dylan on their time line. Howard said Dave must be miserable over there. He asked Vinnie if he knew about the fucking going on over there. Vinnie said he's not even in that building. Vinnie was keeping his mouth shut. Vinnie said he only knows what he sees in the paper.
Howard asked Vinnie about the guy who was trying to extort Dave and how he got a job at another network. He asked Vinnie if he was surprised. Vinnie said he thinks he has a lot of friends in the industry. Howard said that there are a lot of people who can do that kind of work. He said he's not sure what's going on. He said he wishes he could go over there and talk to Dave now.
Howard asked Vinnie if he's keeping the weight off lately. Vinnie said he lost about 60 pounds and he's keeping it off. He said he's been walking a lot. Howard said he's jealous of people who can walk and lose weight. Vinnie said he walks more because he found out how much he walks and he had to keep it up on the weekends. Howard said he can't stand walking. He said he's not good at it. He said he never was. Vinnie said he just puts music on and walks. Howard said not everyone has the kind of free time that Vinnie does.
Vinnie said he's busy with his job and with the play. Howard said Vinnie is over like $100,000 of his own money. Vinnie said he needs another wave of money even though he has some in the bank. Howard said that Vinnie blasts his friends with email about the play and how much money he needs. Howard said he refused to give a dime. Howard said that he's asking friends for the money. He said that they're only buying the tickets because they love him. Vinnie said they needed that to get to the point that they're at. He said their budget is $250,000 and he's halfway there.
Howard told Vinnie to come in and visit for a minute today and then get the fuck out. Howard said that he loves Vinnie but he sticks around too long. Vinnie said he misses working with them. Howard said he misses him too. Howard said he knows that Vinnie won't leave. He said he'll come in and talk and he just won't go away. Howard said he has to think about what he's going to talk to Dave about. Vinnie said he'll leave him alone. Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said he had to take a quick break after that.
Howie said he doesn't think that Howard is being truthful. He said that Katia is there at the show so she will be in charge of that stuff. Howie said that he told Katia that he was into tunics and things like that. He said that she asked if he was serious and he told her he was. He said it got really awkward and he never reconnected and told her he was kidding.
Howard told Howie that he had a bunch of the guys from NBC there and he asked about the wardrobe and they told him about what Howie did. He said that she went out and bought up all of the renaissance stuff she could find. Howard said he was thinking that they should have a uniform for the show. Howie said he really doesn't think about anything.
Howie said that Katia looks at what he wears and then he gets boxes of the stuff that they gave him. He said he dresses out of those boxes. Howard said that he has Ralph to help him. He said that he has a TV show he does every day so he has to have someone help him. Howie said he finds that funny.
Howard told Howie that if he fucks with him on the show he's going to kill him. He said he knows what he did to Piers Morgan. Howie said if he hears that there's a weakness Howard has then he's going to take advantage of him. Howard said if he does that he's going to make Howie's life miserable. He said he will take advantage of that germ phobia.
Howie asked if he was really complaining about the lighting on the show. Howard said of course he is. He said he has to light this face he has. Howie said he's going to bring lights to light Howard with then.
Howie said that this job is not a real job. He said that what Howard does here on the radio is a real job. He said it requires a lot of effort. Howie said that this show is so easy to do. He said he used to do the exact same thing sitting on his couch at home.
Howard said he's used to getting up at 4 in the morning and the tapings are going to be like 12 hours long. He said they told him that Howie drags things out. Howie said that it's really not like that and he doesn't believe they said that. Howie said he loves the schedule. Howard said he wants to go home at some point. Howie said if you can't focus and you're tired then you tell the act what the problem is. Howard said he's there once his adrenalin is going.
Howard said he wants to be there to find real talent. He said he thinks that Howie put through people just to irk Piers. Howie said he loves the show because it's so much more than a singing and dancing competition. He said that it's so much more than singing and dancing. Howard agreed. Howie said that he would love to see someone else, other than a singer, win this show. He said he doesn't care who it is. He said that he's not a big magic fan but if someone figures out a way to do it in an interesting way, he's all for it. Howie said there are many times when there will be singer after singer and they're no better than any other singer you see on a cruise ship. Then you see an Eric the Actor and someone like Piers will say that's not a talent. Howie said that he would rather listen to Eric than another singer. Howard said that's the Tiny Tim factor. He said that Tiny Tim would get voted off but he went on to be a huge star. Howard said he was interesting.
Howie said there are so many other things that they can have on that show. Howard said they have to unite and figure out what their criteria is going to be. Howie said that he's over thinking it. Howard said he wants to know if they're looking for an act who is compelling and great or are they looking for a freak show. Howie said a freak show like Blue Man Group can be huge. Howard said that they were fully organized though.
Howard asked why Howie put through those chipmunk looking people. He figured he did it to irk Piers. Howie said yes and no on that. He said he would rather bring them forward than another singer. He said that the people were funny and he thinks that he could create a Vegas show around them. Howard said it's up to them to create the show, not Howie.
Howie told Howard that he knows Howard didn't like the kite flying kid that was on a couple of seasons ago. He said that a guy like that can create something out of that act. He said that he'd need some help getting it going but it could work. Howard asked if he won't put through any singers. Howie said if they're good he'll put them through.
Howard said Piers told him that if you put through mediocre acts you can never get rid of them because America will vote to keep them on. Howie said it's different when you see this stuff in the room live. Howard said he can't stand the guys like Michael Buble and this Sinatra impersonator. Howard said he doesn't think there is room for 20 Michael Buble's on the show. He said this Sinatra guy was a novelty act. He said he's looking for a superstar. Howie said that even if they don't win they can be superstars.
Howard asked Howie about his teaming up with Sharon. Howie said he thinks he's the voice of reason on that show. Howard said he thinks that he was the first season but later on he was just on to irk Piers. Howie said that's really not the case.
Howie said he thinks that there are people out there that they can turn into an act. He said there was a guy on the show a couple of years ago who did voices and they all sounded the same. He said he could build an act out of that. Howard said these people have to come out and wow you. Howie said they really don't. Howard said there was a woman on the show who had a comedy act and she was okay but she didn't have any material. Howie said he agrees. He said that she needed a writer. Howard said he can't sit there and imagine their act for them.
Howard asked what happens during Vegas Week. Howie said they decide on who will go through. He said that it's very competitive and they will argue. Howard said he doesn't want to argue. Howard said they should just listen to him and put through the people he thinks should get through. Howie said they might be up until 2 in the morning. Howard said he can't be up that late.
Howard asked if it's hard to make the final cut. Howie said it's brutal. He said they're cutting people that were great and they have to work with the producers to cut people. Howie said they get very passionate about people. He said they have to live with this stuff. He said they face the people and cut them. Howard said that's going to be the hard part for him.
Howard said he had a guy call in the other day with his daughter's singing but he had to tell him that he shouldn't bring her. Howie said the difference here is that they're standing in front of you. He said it's very tough. He said that they all show up in Vegas and they're put into 3 groups. He said they have one group that goes right to New York. Another group is told they're going to perform there and they have some spots open. He said there are 22 spots open. Then if they can't find 22 out of that group then the third group goes and they pick from that group.
Howard said this sounds fun but there's a responsibility there too. Howie said that their words are like daggers to these people. Howard asked Howie if he thinks that he would have done something like this early on in his career. Howie said he has been on other shows over the years where he judged. Howard said he was actually turned on to him on the Merv Griffin show.
Howard asked how he works and does his comedy shows. Howie said he will fly out and do them when he has a free weekend.
Howard asked Howie about promoting his Twitter account. He said he doesn't need to do that. Howie said he's @HowieMMandel on Twitter. Howie told Howard that he would read the tweets live on the show and he was doing that before Howard ever got on Twitter. Howard said he saw him do that but he thinks he's promoting it too much. Howard said you have to tune those people out.
Howie said he thinks that they're looking for someone who is marketable to the country. He said he reads Twitter and he wants to be informed by what's happening out there. Howie said that they told him to stop that but this past year they told everyone to do it.
Howard asked how often they get to have sex with the good looking women on the show. Howie jokingly said it's encouraged but... Howard said that you just send out the vibe and hope for the best.
Howard asked how much down time they get on the show. Howie said they don't get much. He said he loves the good and bad acts. Howard said he told Robin that he has to get on one of these shows to judge because it has to be the best job ever. Howie told Howard to stop thinking about it and just show up to the party. Howard said he's glad he told him that.
Howard asked Howie if he heard the rumor about adding a 4th judge. Howie said he did hear that. Howard said he heard that Simon was pushing for it but they didn't let it happen. Howie said he's not sure how that would work. He said during the live show that would be tough. He said you have 20 seconds to critique the act and he's not sure how a fourth judge would work.
Howard said when he heard about this show he wanted to see the acts ahead of time. He said that they didn't want to let him do that. Howard said he thinks that the secret is that it's not the Howard Stern Show. He said they just want him to come in and judge.
Howie said it was a tough adjustment for him. He said that it can be hard to hear people booing him in the audience when he tells someone they can't sing. He said it was very tough the first time he did it. He said they turn on you and hate you in a second. Howie again told Howard to stop thinking about this. He said you just show up and do the show. He said you can't think about it too much.
Howard said he's been told they just want his opinion and they move on from there. Howie said if you over think it then it'll show. Howie said that he doesn't prepare and that's how he handles it. Howie said Howard's honest is what they're looking for. He said that he can't try to be something he's not.
Howard asked Howie if Sharon is excited about this. Howie said he thinks that she is. He said it's going to be tough because she's got The Talk out in California. Howard said that he thought she said that she was on board but Robin said that she said that it was going to be a problem if they moved it to New York. Howard said that America's Got Talent is more important than that show she's doing. Howard said she should give that show up if she gives anything up. Howie said he hasn't talked to her yet so he's not sure what's going on. He thinks she's on board because they would have heard something if she wasn't.
Howard said he heard that Piers got upset when Sharon put her bare tits on his face and took a picture of it. Howie said that she did that and Piers was upset. He said that he may have gotten upset because he's the anchor at CNN now. Howard said he would love that every day if he could get it.
Howard said he is honored that they chose him to take this job. He said that he approaches everything in a very serious manner. He said he's taking this job very seriously. Howie told him to just have fun and be himself. Howard said The Hoff didn't take it seriously. Howie said he thinks he did and he took it as seriously as he takes his life and hamburgers.
Howard said he thinks that if they don't take this seriously then it's not going to be good. Howie said he just learned how to do this and he thinks it's going to take an adjustment for Howard. He said he's going to get booed and that takes some getting used to. Howie said they will go through crap on some days and it's just crap, crap, crap all morning long. He said the show is great though.
Howard said he told Nick Cannon that he loves him on the show. He said he's worried about the guy because of how much he works. Howard said he has announced he's directing a movie. He said this is a guy who is not aware of his own health. He said he definitely doesn't want to be home. Howard said he's like a Jamaican and taking 50 jobs. Howard said he wants him on the show and he should give up a couple of jobs. Howard said he thinks this directing a movie thing is a mistake. Howard said they tell him that he lays down during breaks on the show and sleeps. Howie said he does. He said Ryan Seacrest seems unemployed compared to Nick.
Howard said that he heard about this schedule Nick has and he works all day long. Howard asked how he's alive. Howie said that one of his kidneys quit and left. Howard asked if he's ever told him to calm down. Howie said he has never done that. He said he doesn't put any thought into the show.
Howard asked Howie why he doesn't call him. Howie said he's hard to get a hold of. He said he's tried calling but he gets this voice mail. He said they tell him that they're looking for Howard. He said he calls back and tries to get him again and he's not there. Howard said sometimes he's not home. He said he will answer his messages though. Howie said that's okay if he doesn't want to talk to him. Howard said he never left a message. Howard said if he doesn't leave a message then he never knows if he called. Howie said that he called Gary and he knows Howard's phone rings. Howard said he loves him and he would talk to him if he'd leave a message.
Howard asked how the OCD is. Howie said it's not good. He said that he's doing this show ''Mobbed'' now and that doesn't help. He said that they do this flash mob thing on the show. He said he loves hidden camera things and he figured that if someone has a secret they can do it with a flash mob. He said the first one they did was a musical. He said that you can quit or tell your spouse that you're cheating if you want. Howie said tonight's show is a really good one but he doesn't want to give it away. He said it didn't work out the way they thought it would. He said as the dance breaks out this guy thought he was going to die and he started to say ''leave me the fuck alone'' and walked out. He didn't want to stick around to see it. Howie said they had 2,000 people waiting there to do it.
Howard said he heard that Howie would come home and shower for 2 hours when he was in high school because of the OCD. Howie said that is true.
Howard took a call from Ham Hands Bill who asked Howie about his wife and if he's able to go down on her with the OCD. He also had Howard and Howie confused about which one he was talking to. Howie said that they have two Howard's on AGT now and one Osbourne. He said that he calls it H2O. Howie said he can do that to his wife. Howard said he must prefer not to go down on her. Howie said it's the hand shaking thing that bothers him. Howard said the woman's vagina must have more germs than a hand. Howie asked if he's ever seen a vagina cough. Howard said he heard he was freaked out by Ronnie coughing out in the hall. Howie said he heard him coughing and hacking but Ronnie said that it's just his voice. He claimed he wasn't sick.
Ronnie came in real quick to say that his voice is shot from working and he's not sick. Howard and Howie seem to think that he's actually sick.
Howie told Howard that the opening of America's Got Talent is a nightmare. He said he doesn't want to touch the audience. He said he loves the audience but he doesn't want to touch them. Howard said he felt for him seeing him giving high fives and stuff. Howard said he thinks that he could do that but he'd have to use Purell. Howie said he overused that stuff and got warts from killing off all of the antibodies that were on his hands. Howard asked if he ever forgets and shakes a hand. Howie said he never does. He said he will only fist bump.
Howard asked what's going on with Deal Or No Deal. Howie said they did 500 episodes. He said there is some talk of bringing it back. He said he's really not sure what they're going to do. He said Fear Factor is back so you never know what they'll bring back.
Howie said he had his son working as an intern there on Deal or No Deal and they had to ask him to talk to the kid because he had his office set up under the steps where the girls would stand. Howie said that his son and his single friends really miss him doing that show.
Howard said he's the first real American judge on the show. Howie said he's American now. Howard wasn't aware of that.
Howard said that he had a discussion about doing some promotion with Howie and Sharon but he's not sure when that will happen. He said he expects it to happen at some point. Howard asked Howie about how they're going to handle the show when they have to let someone else speak. Howie said that it's going to be a big adjustment. He said that Howard should just not think about it and just go with it and whatever happens, happens.
Robin asked what Howard is going to be called on the show. Howard said he'll be Howard or the King of All Media or Your Majesty. Howie will be Howie. Howard said they have Sharon and Nick and let's go do this thing already.
Howard said tonight he's watching himself on Letterman. He gave Howie a plug for his ''Mobbed'' show that's on FOX tonight after American Idol. Howard asked how many followers he has on Twitter. Howie said he has over 300,000. He said it's not that much.
Howard said that he'll see Howie in a week or two at their first taping for America's Got Talent. Howie told Howard not to worry about it. Howard said he doesn't want to get sick going there so that's what he worries about. Howie said they're two neurotic guys telling each other not to worry. Howard said if he listens to Howie he'll get nuts. That's why he won't take his calls. Howard gave Howie some more plugs and asked what he's doing today. Howie said he's going to be the co-host with Kelly Ripa today. They have J-Lo on the show today. Howie said he heard she lost 60 pounds... Marc Anthony moved out.
Howard said J-Lo just broke up and she's already with another guy. Howard said that this is her third marriage and she's already out with another guy. Howard said she should date a little bit. Howard said he's a judge so he'd judging. Robin said if she's happy then let her do her thing. Howard asked if Howie will ask her how long it took for the guy to get into her pants. Howie said he's not preparing so he's just going to see what happens.
Howard said he knows what Letterman is going to be like tonight. Howie said as a judge he doesn't prepare. He said he will prepare for a talk show like Howard does.
Howard said they say that the ratings for Kelly Ripa's show are higher now that Regis is gone. Howard asked if Howie has been asked to do the show permanently. Howie said no. Howard said they say they're close to finding a replacement now. Howie said they have to be closer because some day they will pick someone to replace him.
Howard gave Howie some more plugs and wrapped up with him. Howard told Howie that Robin can tell him how great it is to work with him. Robin said that he's in for the time of his life. Howie said that he has a guy with him who wants to sketch them together. Howard said he can do that. He told Howie to stop worrying and just listen to him. He said that he is going to learn new neurosis after begin around him. Howie said he can't wait. He said this is going to be a television explosion of the decade... but tonight it's ''Mobbed.'' Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the Madonna song saying he's so ready for the half time show at the Super Bowl. Howard was doing his effeminate voice when he said that.
Howard said that he likes that Howie Mandel. He said he remembers him being famous really early on in life. He said that he thinks he's younger than he is but he remembers seeing him on Merv Griffin a long time ago. Gary said it must have been around 1978 or so when he was on that show. Howard said he has too much respect for that guy to be adversarial like Piers was.
Howard said that Howie was born in 1955 so he's essentially the same age as he is. Howard wondered how old Sharon was. Fred said Sharon was born in 1952. Howard said she's older than he is.
Howard said he never would have predicted that he and Robin would still be together after all these years. He said it's a miracle. He said she still looks really good too. He said that she'll never know if she falls apart though. He said he'll just tell her she looks good no matter what.
Gary brought up Mary Tyler Moore and how hot she was early on. Howard said that they had to limit the number of times she wore capri pants on that show because people were going so nuts over her. Howard said they weren't even allowed to sleep in the same bed on TV.
Howard asked Gary what they were talking about. Gary asked if Howard was going to leave the public eye when he's done with radio. Howard said he saw David Steinberg the magician and he looks really old. Robin said she sees him all the time so she doesn't notice as much.
Gary said that Betty White looks younger than Mary Tyler Moore now. Howard said that Betty was married to Alan Ludden and she lost him at a young age. Howard said that he was a great game show host. Howard said that he may have been a prick but in her mind he was great. Howard said that no one married her after that. Howard said if he had lived he may have ended up fucking Angelina Jolie for all they know.
Gary said that his dad died and his mom loved him even more after that. Gary said that they argued all the time when he was alive. Now that he's gone he's a saint.
Howard said Mitt Romney sang a song like Obama did recently. Howard said he has to give it to Obama over Romney. Howard played some of Obama singing Al Green and then played some of Romney singing. Howard said he looks at that guy and thinks he's like his dad's age. Fred said he is older. He was born in 1947. Howard said that Romney sang America the Beautiful. He said only older guys like your parents would sing that. Howard played the audio of him singing and he wanted to hit his buzzer on him in the middle of the song. Gary said this reminds him of Elvis crow barring a song into a movie.
Howard said Sal and Richard got through to Tradio again. He played their new call which was actually to a Swap Swap show. They sent in some notes about what they had for sale and they had Sal's Pouch stuff and a Mike Morales ''Pole Smoker'' for sale. They also got in an email for JD for a huge load from Lexington Steel.
Howard said those guys must get no emails. Howard said that Richard has to get back to work and stop staring at Brad Pitt. Howard said Richard is looking down from the 36th floor trying to see Brad down at NBC this morning.
First up was Chris who manages and office for a construction company. He said he used to run a recording studio. He said today it's tough to keep it going. He said that he lives in the Boston area and it's hard to have a company like that. It's too easy to do that stuff at home these days. Howard said that a lot of people named their song the same thing. This one is ''Howard Stern Is The Man.'' Howard said they have people like Fred and Gary judging the contest today. He said he has a special judge today too. His name is JD Harmeyer. Howard said he was going to name Will but JD is much funnier. Will agreed.
Howard asked JD when he's going to cut his hair. JD said he will when he feels like it. JD said he's letting it grow and people tell him it looks better. Howard asked if he's having a better sex life now. JD said he hasn't. Robin asked if he's watching the Napoleon Dynamite cartoon. JD said he has seen the first two episodes. Robin said she likes the show. Robin asked JD to say ''dang it'' for her. JD did it but he wondered if he should do it as JD or as Napoleon. Robin said his own voice would be fine. JD did it and it sounds an awful lot like Napoleon.
Howard said that Chris MacDonald is first up today. He played his song byte contest entry ''Howard Stern Is The Man.'' He used the ''Howard Stern is the man'' audio clip and a ton of other clips from the show.
Howard introduced Jordan Moser next. He said he's only been listening to the show for 6 months now. He said he's a sound engineer for TV and radio. Howard asked how the song came to him. Jordan said he heard the George Takei ''Actually I like to touch'' clip and that inspired this song. He said that the Debbie the Pet Lady stuff reminds him of his mom so he thinks that those prank calls are hilarious. Jordan's song is also called ''Howard Stern Is The Man.'' Howard played the song which was another great mix of George Takei, Little Lupe and a bunch of other clips.
Howard introduced Adam Vargas next. He's from Texas. Adam said he's been playing guitar for 20 years and he makes a living from that. Howard asked where he plays. Adam said he does studio sessions and plays with bands in the Latin market. Howard asked if he ever worked with anyone famous. JD was laughing but he was laughing at the sound effects Fred was playing as Adam was talking. Fred was playing chicken clucking clips.
Howard played Adam's song that's also named ''Howard Stern Is The Man.'' He also mixed it up with a bunch of clips from the show. He may have used almost all of the clips that they had available for the contest. Howard said it was beautiful. He asked how long it took to put it together. Adam said it was pretty easy actually. He loves the show and he's been listening for about 20 years now.
Howard said maybe they should team up and create a super group. Howard said next up was Frank Charles. Howard said that he looks like he's been working out. Howard said he's been working out too. He said he can bench 95 pounds. Frank said he's out of shape and he thinks he could lift 195 pounds. He's only 5'4'' tall though. He said that when you're not a good looking guy so he has to make his body look good. He said he's a DJ so he's like a star when there are no stars in the room. He said that there are some people who can do pretty well doing that kind of thing. He said that he made good money working at a hotel in Vegas working for the son of Spain's Prime Minister. Howard asked if he gets laid a lot. Frank said everyone gets laid in Vegas. He said he has a lot of stories. He said he has gone out to his car to fuck girls while he's got his DJ stuff playing on auto. He said he has banged porn stars from the AVN conventions too. Howard asked if they're 10s. Frank said he has had 10s and some 7s and 8s. He said he's had threesome's and things like that too.
Fred told Howard that you get to work with stripper type girls at the clubs and you get a relationship going whit them and then take them home and bang them. He said he has cut back from what he was doing in his 20s though. He said that he's been in Vegas for 8 years and the women there are easier than they were in New Jersey. He said you can get laid in a heartbeat out there. He said he will never live on the East coast again after living in Vegas. Howard said JD just moved out there and he's no longer a judge.
Howard said he had women come on to him out in Vegas and he's right about how crazy things were out there. Frank said he wishes he was Howard. He said he could get so much free stuff out there. JD suggested they move the show to Vegas. Howard said he'll be out there for a week soon. Frank said he saw one of the finalists from AGT out there in Vegas and it was an awful show.
Howard said Frank's song is called ''Robin Disco Yayo.'' Frank said that he used the sound clips to create the music. He said that he made Robin sound like a singer. He said he used reverb on her but he didn't augment her voice. Howard played his song a short time later. Frank used Robin's ''Cocaine'' singing and put a beat over that. He had her saying a bunch of other things about her pussy, breasts and needing a cock. Howard said the song was sexy. He said JD had his pants off. Howard said maybe he'll play the winning song on Letterman tonight.
Howard asked JD if he was jealous of this guy. JD said he'd love to be able to bang strippers all the time. He's busy watching The View instead though.
Howard introduced Craig Lough next. He's from the Philly area. He said he gets no pussy or blow like Frank does. Howard asked what he does for a living. He said he's been playing music his whole life and he played in some bands. He said he's been making computer based music for about 10 years now. He's a manager of a bowling alley right now. He said he was a prison guard for a while. He said he had to get out of there though. Howard asked if he abused the prisoners. He said he didn't and he didn't really see that going on there. Craig said it was a county prison and it's not as bad as the movies make it out to be. Howard asked if Craig saw anyone fucking in prison. Craig said that doesn't really happen in county prison. He was only at that job for 2 and a half years. He said it wasn't that bad.
Howard asked if managing a bowling alley is fun. Craig said it is kind of fun. Howard asked how long he's been a fan. Craig said he grew up listening but he hasn't listened lately. He said he doesn't have Sirius so a friend told him about this contest. He said this song is called ''The JD Bounce.'' Howard played the song and it had Eric the Midget ''Ack, Ack'' clips as the beat. He had a bunch of other clips from the show like Beetlejuice, Ronnie the Limo Driver yelling and more.
Howard said everyone got in there. He congratulated Craig on that. He said that they heard from all of these guys and only one can win the $10,000. Howard said it's time to judge. He had Fred play some judging music.
Howard went to Gary for his vote first. Gary said he thinks that the first song was the best one. He gave his vote to Chris. Howard played a little bit of that song.
Howard went to Robin for her vote next. Robin said she thought all of them were very catchy and entertaining. She said that they all win on that level. She said she went with the one that was the best groove and that was Jordan's song. Howard played a little bit of that one too.
Howard went to JD next for his vote. JD said it was between number 1 and 4. He said he went with his favorite groove or whatever so he went with number 4. That was Frank's song.
Howard went to Fred Norris for his vote next. Fred said they were all great but there were little things that separated some of them. He said number 1 and 5 had level problems. He said that number 1 was more of a remix song. He said number 2 and 3 were the ones he brought it down to. He said Jordan was very good so he went with number 2.
Howard said he could throw this into a tie. He said that Jordan is feeling like he can win now. Howard said he could give it to one of the other guys that got a vote but he's going to stick to his original thought. Howard said he thinks it's about who is the best. He felt that the two guys who had the best performances were number 2 and number 3. He said that Jordan and Adam had the best songs. He said that Adam's was very catchy and he made it a rock song. He said it was a structured song so he's going to give him the vote. He said that throws Jordan into the win. Howard said Jordan won so he played more of the song. He even sang along with the Little Lupe ''Pu, Pu, Pu, pussy'' beat he had going on in that one. Howard played some of Adam's song too. Howard really liked that one.
Howard said they all get $250 cash for coming in. Howard said they were all great. Howard thanked Identity Guard for the prize money too. Howard gave them some plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and asked what happened to this guy (Jakob Dylan). He said it can't be easy being Bob Dylan's son. Howard let the song play a little longer.
Howard said he read about some guy who was dating a woman who had a daughter who had naked pictures of herself on Facebook and the guy texted them out to teach her a lesson about something. Now he's in trouble for texting the pictures out.
Howard said this abortion thing has come up in Virginia again too. He said they're considering a law that makes you go in and get an ultrasound before getting an abortion. Howard said it's like torture to people. Howard said that a woman suggested that any time a man wants to get Viagra they should have to get a full rectal exam. Howard said she's right even though people laughed at her. Howard said it's screwy that we're still debating this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard caught on to what that guy did with the song during the judging. He said that he's looking forward to Howard being a judge on AGT. Howard said he thinks that his guy should have won. He said that's what it might be like on AGT. He said the other judges may not agree with him.
Howard read some email about Steven Van Zandt's interview yesterday. Some fans really enjoyed that interview. Howard said someone suggested getting Bowie in there. Howard said he'd love to talk to Bowie. He said he'd like to talk to Neil Young, Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix too. He said that he only sees that Dick Cavett interview with Hendrix. Howard said he would love John Lennon too. Howard said he loves hearing about musician's lives. Howard said he'd like to talk to Jack Bruce. He said he had him on the phone once but that wasn't a real interview. He said Ginger Baker too. Howard said mostly it would be Bowie and Neil Young.
Howard read some more email about Little Steven. Howard said one guy said he won't listen to the show if they keep playing Chynna's laugh. He said some people liked them talking about that Russian guy during the show yesterday too. He read through a bunch of those emails.
Howard said he will be on Letterman tonight. He said he's sure they're brimming with excitement over there. Robin said they are.
Howard said Robin is writing a book but Fred isn't doing anything over there. Robin wondered if she could try out some of her recipes on him. Howard said he'd love that. He asked what her go to recipe is. Robin said they're still in the process. She said she's working with a chef on it and they were making butternut squash soup over the weekend. Howard said it sounds like an exciting thing. Howard asked if she'll go out and promote the book and all of that. Robin said she'll have to do that.
Jon and Howard spent a short time talking about the judging on AGT and what might be happening with that. Howard said he can assure them that he won't be working until 2 in the morning on the show like Howie said they have done. Jon went over a few more subjects and Howard went to Robin's news.
Howard took another call from a woman who asked how he told Ralph he wouldn't be dressing him for AGT. Howard said Ralph will be dressing him. He said he is very involved. Howard said Ralph is knee deep involved. Howard said he has a lot of John Varvatos stuff in his closet and now he won't have to worry about what he's going to wear on AGT. Howard said John is a cool guy.
Robin said that Don Cornelius has apparently died in a suicide attempt. Howard said that guy has threatened to sue them a couple of times. Gary said it was twice. He said that he wouldn't like the interviews they did and he'd threaten to sue them if they aired it. Howard said that he was being interviewed on the red carpet and he had to know he was being interviewed. Robin said they say he died of a gunshot wound to the head and it may have been self inflicted. Howard thought he was kind of sick lately. The guys spent a few minutes talking about Don and Soul Train.
Ralph called in and said Howard was right about him at John Varvatos yesterday. He said he was just about cumming all over the place from the nice stuff they had. He also mentioned that Stan Lee is going to be calling in to GEEKTIME on Friday. Howard spent a minute talking to Ralph for a minute before letting him go and taking a commercial break.
After the break, around 9:50am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about a guy who wanted to buy some ad time during the Super Bowl about anti-abortion. Robin said that the ad won't be running.
Howard thought he had Eric the Midget and Johnny Fratto on the phone. He tried picking up but they weren't there. He took another call from a guy who asked if William Shatner should be asking for more money for an autograph than Stan Lee. Howard said Stan is a genius but there's more demand for a William Shatner autograph. Howard said that meeting Stan would be a bigger deal for him but for some people it's Shatner. Howard said he'd day Shatner is the bigger draw. The caller said he thinks that Shatner was just trying to one up Stan Lee. He was charging $65 and Stan was charging $55. Howard said he can't believe people are paying that much for either. The caller said that Adrianne Curry was really hot at the convention too. Howard said she's going to be coming in soon.
The caller asked if they're going to have another film festival. Howard said he's not sure. He doubts it. Robin said they had a lot of fun with that. Howard said they do but they don't dwell on the past so maybe that's why they do so well. Howard did a live commercial a short time later.
Robin read a story about Paula Abdul knowing weeks ago that she was going to be leaving X-Factor. Robin said they found that her position had become irrelevant because Simon had found a new foil with L.A. Reid. Robin said that they left on good terms though. Howard said that he can't imagine that Simon will work with her on anything else any time soon.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she's got a big group going to the Letterman thing today. She said she has signs. Howard said she doesn't have to do that. Mariann said he always tells her that. She said that she hates leaving the group outside so she doesn't usually go in. Mariann said that she'll be cheering him on today. Howard said Beth is taping another show at that time so she may not be there. Robin said that she has to work on The Chatter and some tother things so she won't be there. Mariann said she can't wait. Howard said he wants to tell her that she should spend the day and read a book or something else. He said he is happy to see her though.
Robin read about American Idol's ratings and how they're lower than usual lately. Robin said they're off a couple of million from last season. Howard said he tuned in last night to see the show but it wasn't even on. He said he tuned in a day early. He said he and Beth made love last night. He said he told her he was going to do that and she walked in wearing panties. Robin said that's the way to do things. She said that she knows that it's a good time if he says something like that. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a survey done about cell phones and how 75 percent of people have used their phones while on the toilet. Howard said he's done that. Robin said everyone is doing it. Howard said he prefers it.
Robin read a story about a 2nd grade teacher who was arrested on Friday for alleged sexual abuse. Fred played a Jackie laugh during that story. Robin said that the guy would allegedly keep a 7 year old behind and he'd make her perform sex acts on him during recess while she was blindfolded. Robin said they found images on his cell phone of the girl and him. Robin said he had pictures on his computer too. Robin said this guy must have been out of his mind. She said they only have one victim so far. Robin said his name is Ning Yang.
Robin read about another guy who was arrested for child abuse after he sent in some pictures to be developed at a pharmacy photo developing department. Howard said you'd think he'd have a digital camera. He said he's a dumb pervert. Robin said that they found more photos later and they found a staggering amount of abuse. Robin said it turned out to be a third grade teacher who spoon fed his semen to students. Robin said that guy has been charged with 23 acts of lewd acts on children. Robin said parents thought he was a great guy and invited him to birthday parties and kept in touch with him as their kids grew up. Robin said the kids he was doing this to were 7-10 years old. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney's wife talking about how her husband will be able to turn this economy around if he's elected President. Robin had some audio of Mitt talking too.
Robin read about a robo call that Newt Gingrich's people made to people before the primary. Robin had audio of that call. Robin said that the Romney campaign put out a Tom Brokaw message too. She had audio of that as well.
Robin read about how Angelina Jolie's dad, John Voight, is getting behind Romney now. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read about Rick Santorum and how he's not dropping out yet. Robin had some audio of him talking about why he's not dropping out. Howard said he might be paving his way for another run in 4 years. Howard said he won't go away though.
Robin read about catholic churches being upset about a new rule that the government has about health care providers providing birth control advice to their customers. Robin said they have to do this with religious employers too. Robin said that the catholic church is against all birth control. Howard said that there are so many unwanted people in this world and they have to be kidding about this. It's like they're living in the stone age.
Robin read about the upcoming Super Bowl. Howard said he's rooting for the Giants but he likes Bob Craft too. He said that he's going to go with the Giants though. He said he watches two games the whole year. Robin said he likes watching the players getting dressed up in their suits coming off the airplanes. Howard said they think they're executives and they're running their ''brand.'' He said they should shut up and put their helmet on.
Robin had some audio of Tom Brady talking about why the fans will be proud. Robin had some other clips and news about the upcoming game.
Robin said Ringo Starr was on Craig Ferguson's show last night. Robin had some audio of him talking to Craig. She had some audio of him performing a new song too. Robin said Paul McCartney will be performing a new song on the Grammy Awards.
Robin said the Muppets took a swing at FOX news recently during a press conference. Howard let out an ''Ugh'' when he heard that. Robin had the audio of the Muppets commenting. Howard said he can't stand when the Muppets have things to say in an adult world. Howard said Kermit didn't sound right. Robin said he really doesn't sound the same. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:25am.
Jon said he thinks that you want to leave them wanting more. Benjy came in late asking what they were talking about. Gary said he really needs to come in there on time. They had to explain to him that if Howard is not doing radio anymore will he still be making appearances at 80. Benjy said they brought that up with Mary Tyler Moore. Gary said that he's not sure they need to see people like that when they don't look like they used to.
Benjy said he thinks it's more interesting with a Dick Clark type on a show than without. He said that's why he'd be more interested in it. Gary asked if Howard has the personality that will say he doesn't want to be seen in the public eye. Benjy didn't have anything to add.
Jon moved on to talk about Howard and Howie talking about working together and what Howard said to Howie about what he'll do if he fucks with him. Gary said he warned Howie about the whole thing and Howard brought up the same thing on the air with Howie. He said he really doesn't think Howard is going to put up with it if Howie does mess with him.
Jon said he thinks that it's going to be a difficult task for Howard being on the show. Gary said he hopes that Howard has a good time doing it. He said he thinks that Howie telling him that it's not even a job might help.
Jon said he liked the story Howie told about asking for tunics and things for his wardrobe. He said that he never even told them that he was pranking them. Jon said he thinks that Howard is in for some long nights in Las Vegas. Gary said Howard won't be happy about that. He said he just doesn't stay up late at night.
Jon said that Howard did threaten to kill Howie if he messes with him. He said he thinks that Howie will mess with Howard once and that will be it. Howard will get back at him and it'll end.
Benjy said he thinks that Howie will mess with Howard but he'll do something more candid camera-ish that Howard will be okay with. Jon said that Howard doesn't find being pranked funny. Gary said Richard pranked him once and Howard hated that. Gary said they also rigged the homeless game once and Howard found that funny because it was relatively harmless.
Gary said they got a call from the people at Punk'd and they wanted to punk Howard. He said he told them they were out of their minds. Gary said if he had agreed to do it he'd be fired. Jon said he thinks he would be too.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if Ralph's feelings were hurt that he isn't being used exclusively. Jon said he's in the mix so he is involved. Gary said he doesn't think he cares. Benjy said Ralph doesn't make the clothes anyway. He never has. Ralph just helps pick out the outfits.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked how they think Howard and Howie are going to get along and how that will translate on AGT. Gary said it should be interesting how it plays out when they disagree on something. Jon said he thinks that Howie and Sharon have some backbone and they're going to stand up to him. He said he thinks that Howard is going to take it seriously and it's going to be interesting to watch. The caller said he thinks it's kind of gay to watch that show but he's going to check it out now that Howard is on. He said he wants to see some mayhem.
The caller said he thinks it's great that Howard wants to leave at the end of his contract but Sirius needs a backup plan. He said that there is a market for the kind or radio Howard does. He thinks that they're going to be at a serious disadvantage if Howard leaves. Gary jokingly said that they are in talks to have JD do mornings there.
Ralph called in and said that they will have GEEKTIME on the channels when Howard leaves. He said he can't be more thrilled that John Varvatos is going to be providing the clothes for Howard. He said that it's an honor to be working with him now. He said he met with him last week and he's got everything for Howard. He said his job will be 100 times easier and he's thrilled. Gary said he met him out in Vegas a while ago and he sells vintage recording equipment at his stores. He said he likes the guy and thought he was a great guy.
Ralph mentioned a store that Varvatos has and it took the place of the old CBGBs. He said that it's a great store and they sell albums and stuff there. Steve Brandano said he went to the Benjy and Elisa concert he other night and the store was right nearby. He said he was going to go in there but he saw Varvatos name on it and figured they'd kick him out. Ralph said they actually have a lot of stuff on sale in the back so he could probably find something to buy.
Gary said that if you go to visit Howard at his house he will just tell everyone he's going to bed around 10. He said that they can stay up as long as they want but he's going to bed. Ralph said he thinks that they're going to have to shape up over there and get the stuff wrapped up early. Jon let Ralph go after that.
Jon said that Howie was telling Howard about some of the stuff that Howard might have a hard time with at the show. He said that he's going to get booed at times. Gary said it really sucks when you get booed. He said he's had that himself. Jon said that Howie told Howard to just interrupt him if he wants. He said Howard may not do that since it's not the Howard Stern Show though. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that he felt that JD was qualified to judge since that's the kind of music he likes. Gary said he really got stuck trying to comment. He said it looks like it's the first time the spotlight is being put on him when they ask him what he thinks. Jon said that JD is great and they love him.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Gary he's being harsh on Benjy. He said that everyone abuses their plugs on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said the plugs on the Wrap Up Show are one thing but Benjy gets plugs on the regular show too.
Gary asked if any of the stuff Howard said today bounced off of Benjy. Benjy said he has a hard time dealing with generalities. He said that he's disappointed that Howard is upset but he's not making his opinion based on Howard. He said he felt that Robin was doing what she did in a bitchy way. He said Howard has been that way before but today he was being genuine. Jon said it sounds like he doesn't believe that Robin loves him. Benjy said he thinks that Robin treats him like someone she doesn't love. Gary said he thinks they all do that to each other there. Benjy said he does feel that Gary doesn't like him at times. Jon said that's natural. Benjy said he feels more often than not that Robin doesn't like him.
Gary said he felt that Howard was saying to Benjy that he wishes that he'd bring the enthusiasm he has for this outside project to the Howard Stern Show. Jon said he thinks that's exactly what Howard was doing.
Benjy said that the videos they're making are done on the weekends so he's not sure what the problem is. Gary said that Lisa G can have a problem with it if she doesn't like it. Gary said that Benjy is the king of misdirection. He said that the YouTube video is just one thing. Benjy said that she's picking on that one thing though. They argued about that for a few seconds and then ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard said Tom Chiusano came in and agreed with him too. He said that Jackie didn't like it though. He said Jackie is into folk music and stuff like that. Then he sang some of his wife's Christmas song. He said he has to play some of that too. He played Nancy's ''It's Christmas'' song for a few seconds.
Howard played more of Pearl Jam's songs and said that every song was good. He played a few seconds of each one and said the hits keep coming.
Tom Chiusano came in to tell Howard what the story of the song ''Jeremy'' was. He said that the kid came in and committed suicide in front of his class. Howard said that he was driven crazy by society like he is by Tom. Howard said he was going crazy over Tom yesterday after the show. Robin said she heard some of that. Robin said she was on her way down there to see Howard and she was told that they were yelling at each other in the office. Howard said Tom was being stupid. He said he had to yell at him.
Howard said Tom's thinks he thinks way too much about himself. He said he's a very insecure guy and he has very little self worth. He said he doesn't think very much of himself. He said Tom likes to knock him down even more. He said he was pointing out what he was doing to him and it ended up being a yelling match. Howard said he had to let Tom know that he was being stupid. Tom said they do end on a positive note though. Howard said that's true.
Howard said they get everything off their chest and then they make up and keep talking to each other. He said that's what happened yesterday. He said he did throw himself out the window after that though. Howard said Tom should try that too.
Howard said Tom didn't want him making fun of the Greaseman but that's not what they were arguing about. He said that Tom was talking to him about an article and how they weren't saying anything nice about him in it. Howard said Tom told him that he's not the first guy to start a network but he told Tom he's the first one to do it successfully. He said Tom didn't have to point that out to him. He said he didn't have to bring that up. Tom agreed. He said Howard was the first one to make this kind of network successful. Howard said Tom kept taking digs at him. He said that's what he got upset about. He said Tom likes to rain on his parade. He said he started yelling at Tom and Tom yelled at him. He said it didn't stop until he slugged Tom. Howard said he was just joking about that.
Howard said Tom felt bad about the whole thing because he agreed to record a bit with them. He said that he knows Tom feels bad. Tom told Howard there are more good songs on the Pearl Jam album. Howard wasn't getting off the subject. He did his impression of Tom telling him that the network thing wasn't his idea. Howard and Fred both did their impressions of Tom's monotone.
Howard said he doesn't know why Tom would want to piss on his parade. He said he got in every knock he could. He said he doesn't believe that Tom thinks he's great. He really doesn't. Tom came back in and said that is not true. Howard asked why he'd want Robin, Fred and Jackie to do the show when he goes on vacation. Tom said it was just an idea. Howard said he has to get on the bandwagon, or better yet, get under the bandwagon so he can run him over.
Howard said he and Tom had it out yesterday but they got it all out. He said he does get resentful that he has to waste his time with stuff like that. Howard said he told Tom he had to eat but they had to argue first.
Howard said he walked down the hall pretending not to hear Tom calling his name. He said Gary was with him and he turned around to see why Tom was calling him. He said if he hadn't done that then he could have made it to his office to eat. Howard said he asked Tom if he could eat first. Tom said no because he knew he'd eat and run out of the building. Howard said you'd think Tom would know that he doesn't really need this job. He has other things going on and this isn't a big part of his day. He said the good thing about the other stations is that he doesn't have to talk to them. He said he'd like to do his show from another studio so he doesn't have to talk to Tom. He said he doesn't even have to be in this building. Robin said they don't even have to be in this state. Howard said that's the next thing he has to talk to Robin about.
Howard asked what this stupid would cost to put together. Tom said the board alone is probably 20 grand. Howard said he talked to Tom about lunch and Tom didn't let him do that. Howard said he's a movie star now and Tom isn't going to stop Mel Gibson from eating his lunch. Howard said Tom should be serving him lunch.
Howard read about the Greaseman and what Tom was saying about him in the press. Howard said he hasn't seen a comment like that about him before. Howard said that Tom is all about the Greaseman. Howard said he should grease Tom up if he's into grease.
Howard said Tom was upset about the Greaseman in the meeting. He said he was positive about the Greaseman... he's positive he knows how he feels about him. Howard said Tom was giving those little digs at him and that's what he got upset about. He said he didn't see Greaseman coming up with a network concept. No one is knocking down his door to put him on around the country.
Howard told Tom to walk up and down the hall telling everyone how great he is. Tom walked out yelling ''Howard is the greatest!''
Howard said he asked Tom how stupid he could be. He went over everything Tom was saying to him about the network idea. Howard said he was being a robot as usual. Howard said he wouldn't insult Tom during a private meeting. Howard said he's the worst general manager. He said at least he thinks of innovative things himself. He said that Tom doesn't do that. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said he was a beaten man but he survived. He said the black community sees to have a high rate of dysfunction in their families. Howard said that they are trying to prove that they are as good as the white man. They love Jesus and they like to hurt white people with gangly hair. Howard said that's what he learned. The caller thanked Howard for letting him know how he's such an expert.
In the clip Gary was telling Howard about this Senator Casey who was giving Governor Whitman a hard time about the rest stop. Howard went off on him and about other people who were giving Whitman a hard time. Howard said Casey needs to be examined for stability. He said this guy isn't worried about the real problems in New Jersey. He said he took the time out of his day to go down to a rest stop and stand there with cameras. Howard said he does nothing and now he gets some attention after saying something about him.
Howard went off on Casey and Senator Zane too. Howard said they had something against Whitman before this and that's why they're going off on them. Howard went off on them and on the papers that were reporting about this rest stop problem.
Howard had a caller on the line who was filling him in on where Casey is from and what the area is like where he comes from. The caller said that he's from the Camden area which is a pretty neglected area. Howard had the guy talking about what the press conference was like at the rest stop too.
Howard said this guy was worried about putting a sign up over a toilet. Howard said people should be asking how this guy is spending his time in the area. He said he should be worried about the crime in his district and not about the toilet situation with Howard Stern.
Howard said if he was a state senator he'd be worrying about everything else other than Howard Stern's toilet. Howard said they have worked to get people into office and now it's time to work to get people out of office.
Howard said he didn't have the Xerox of the police blotter he was looking for. Howard said he told Gary to get it to him. Gary came in and tried to help find it. The caller was still talking about the press conference. He said the news team there was just there to film what this guy was doing and that was it. He said they didn't have a reporter there. They just held the mic to his face and let him speak.
Howard got the police blotter and read about the crimes in the district that Casey is from. Howard said there were some assaults and thefts and things like that. Howard said Senator Casey is on scene at the toilet while all of this is going on.
Howard read some more of the police blotter. He said they have break ins and drinking and driving problems among other things. Howard said there's a lot going on down there that this guy could be involved with.
Howard said he guarantees that all of these guys are democrats. He said they all have something against Governor Whitman. Howard said they have to vote all of these guys out of office. Howard read some quotes about the rest stop and how upset these guys are. Howard said he's not sure what he did that was so wrong.
Howard read more quotes from these guys and went off on them some more. Howard said he read that Governor Whitman is standing by her plan to change the name of the rest stop. He said it's just a tiny plaque there that names the rest stop. The sign for the rest stop isn't going to be changed.
Howard said they're going to get this guy Casey out of office. He said that they have to get him out. Howard read more quotes from this guy. He was suggesting that they give him one at another rest stop and not this one. Howard said this guy can just bite him. The caller said he was suggesting that Christy rename her own property after Howard instead.
Howard said this is a waste of tax payer's money. He said that this guy will not receive votes in his district. Howard said he won't forget Senator Zane either. Howard said he will find out when he's up for reelection and he will talk about how he does nothing.
Howard asked Gary to find out when they're up for reelection. Howard said if the fans see them out at toilet bowls they should ask if they have other problems to solve. Howard said what he's going to do is go down there to do the show from the sign and then they'll drive around Senator Casey's district and ask the people what the problems are there. Howard said this toilet isn't even in his district.
Howard let the caller go and then Gary came in to let them know that Corbin Bernsen was there. Fred played a few Baba Booey clips and goofed on him. Howard told Gary to find out when the senators are up for reelection. Gary said he wrote it down. He said he'll make some calls this afternoon. Robin said something that set Gary off. He told her to shut up. Howard said he asked the question. Gary said this was the first he was hearing of it so he's going to write it down and find out. He said he will give it to Howard tomorrow. Howard asked if they'll have a system that will warn them when this stuff needs to be talked about. Robin said what they need is a day book and you look in the future file and figure out when they can talk about this stuff. Howard said even if it's two years from now they can do it. Gary asked if it's a physical book or a computer thing. Robin said they have them for the computer. Howard told him to find the software.
Howard asked Gary how he plans his day. Gary said he has a day planner at work but it's not in his computer. Howard said maybe he can get one that goes 3 years out. Gary was still going off on Robin for suggesting how to do things. Howard said he resents that. Howard said that he resents Robin because she gave him a good idea. Howard said Robin was the one who figured this out. Gary said he knows how to figure this out. He said at the end of the year he'll figure it all out.
Howard said he knows that Gary is going to forget about this. He said he'll get upset about it and he's going to go nuts. He said that he has to leave it to Gary to remind him about the election. He said he has dreams about throwing Gary out the window.
Howard said Gary is the one who is in charge of all of this. He said that Gary has to take care of this stuff. Gary said if he delegates any of this he ends up getting yelled at. Howard said he has to fire people. He said that he's going to have to fire Gary. Gary said that's fine. Howard told him he's fired and told him to get out. Gary said that's fine and he's leaving. Howard said good. Robin told Gary to get his butt back in there. Howard said Gary isn't going anywhere.
Stuttering John came in and said that Gary is really leaving. He said he's not sure where Gange is with the camera. Howard said Gange is fired for real. Gary came back in and said that he was fired already so don't look at him. Howard told Gary to fire Gange and then leave. Howard said if he really walks out that door he's really fired. Howard told him to get Corbin Bernsen prepared for the interview. Gary said he has an offer. Howard said it must be with his father's ice cream truck. Gary said he has a job offer with Last Call for 2 grand a week. Howard said that show is canceled. Gary said he knows, that's why he didn't take the offer. Gary said they took the offer back anyway.
Robin asked where Gange is. Gange came in and said he was talking to Corbin Bernsen in the green room. Howard said he should fire himself. Howard said they never even use that stuff in the show. He said everyone is still hired but they have to get out. Howard had to take a break after that.
JD And Kissyphur Demonstrate Web Cam Sex. 02/02/06. 9:35am
Howard said that JD had a lame revelation a couple of weeks go where he revealed that he's spent about $10,000 on internet porn. That led to them finding out about the freaky stuff that he does on the web. That's how they found out about this woman who calls herself Kissyphur and how JD gets on a web cam and instructs her on what he wants her to do.
Howard had JD in a different room so he could do his thing while they watched. Howard asked him a few questions about how he does this and then got Kissyphur on the phone so they could hear her doing her thing. Howard could see Kissyphur doing her thing and she was already messing around with herself. She was in her apartment while she was doing it. Howard told JD they were going to stay quiet during the whole thing so JD could do his thing.
JD asked her if she was ready to be his dirty little whore. Then he told her to take her top down. Howard interrupted within 10 seconds and pointed out that Kissyphur was already bottomless and showing her huge cans. He also said that she's a little overweight as well. JD instructed her to spank herself so we could hear her slapping herself, turning her ass red.
JD asked her to start sucking on one of her toys as if it were him. Howard started to laugh a little bit as he was listening in. He said it was pretty wild to hear JD doing his thing. Kissyphur was doing herself with her toy and pretending to have JD ''slap her pussy.'' Kissyphur told JD that she gets really wet when he talks to her and she was really wet for him. JD then had her sticking her toy up her ass. Howard interrupted and said that it was pretty hard core stuff he was doing.
JD had her shoving stuff in her ass and in her pussy. Howard wondered if he would be done by now if he was by himself. JD said he probably would have been done by now because it doesn't take long. Kissyphur was calling JD by his real name instead of his internet ''Daba'' (Da Bad Ass) name. Kissyphur said that he's JD to her.
Howard said that JD was a real ball of fire in this session. He was being sarcastic and thought that maybe he was holding back this morning. Kissyphur said that JD can really get demanding when he calls in off the air. JD told Howard that he mainly has a girl suck on a dildo and spit on it. Howard said he doesn't get that and can't imagine telling a chick to do that. Howard told him to go for it if that's what he does for real. Howard thought that Kissyphur was doing a good job even though JD wasn't helping her out at all.
Kissyphur was smacking herself and JD was just laughing and calling her a whore. That's what Howard wanted him to do, he wanted to hear him telling her what to do. He asked her to punch herself in the face at one point but she refused to do that.
A phone caller told JD he was really punking out this morning. He should be getting into it. Howard wanted JD to step it up a bit. JD told her to put his dick inside of her and then had her calling him ''Da Bad Ass.'' Howard told JD he was doing a horrible job so JD came back with a ''Fuck you dude!'' Howard gave Kissyphur a couple of plugs and then demonstrated to JD how he should have done this. You can check her out at NiteFlirt.com and Kissyphur.com.
Howard demanded that Kissyphur do 10 sit-ups for him right then. She counted them off for him and then Howard told her to take those ugly boots off her feet. She was also wearing socks so he made her take those off and give herself 50 hard spanks for wearing them. Howard had her talking dirty to him and then wiping her ass with the white pillow she had on the couch with her. She was doing it and even smelled the pillow after the wipe.
Howard asked Kissyphur about the first woman she ever had sex with. She went through that story but then Bob Levy called in demonstrated how it should really be done. He was demanding a bunch of stuff. Howard thanked him for calling in and then took a call from a woman who said that she had a guy pull up next to her jerking off. She thinks he was listening to SIRIUS too. Howard wrapped up with Kissyphur and JD and gave her some plugs for her web sites. NiteFlirt.com and Kissyphur.com.
Howard told JD that he was some exciting guy with that stuff. He asked him what happened there. He said it sounded like Droopy Dog having phone sex. JD said he as trying but Howard didn't think he was giving it his best. JD said it's tough when you have a camera on you and know that a million people are listening. Howard thanked him for that segment as Fred played some crying baby sound effects.
A phone caller told JD he's heard more action at an old folk's home. The guy also suggested that they get Bubba the Love Sponge in on the next roast they do because it's going to be Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard thought that was a good idea because there is some bad blood between those two. Howard went to break a short time later.
Gadget Gary On Geraldo. 02/02/10. 9:10am
Howard said that Gary was on Geraldo at Large the other night. He got some email about Gary screwing up some stuff on that show and on this show. He was saying ''G3'' instead of ''3G'' when he was talking about the iPad. He also said that Gary got some stuff wrong about the memory in the iPad on the show yesterday.
Howard played the audio from Geraldo's show where he introduced Gary as being from the CW and being ''Gadget Gary'' and as the executive producer of the Howard Stern Show. Howard thought he was being introduced as being from the CW.
Howard asked Gary what the best device is to play solitaire on. Gary said that it would probably be the iPad. Howard played more of the audio from Geraldo's show where he was asking Gary about the movie Avatar and if that's what it's going to be like in the future. Howard and Robin found it funny that Gary was being asked about that kind of stuff. Howard said he likes how Gary is now a gadget expert and people are buying into it. Gary said people would buy into it more if he would shut up. Howard said that if you say you're an expert then people will buy into it. Gary said that's very true.
Robin said the sports experts are the worst. She said that they'll tell you why the teams are going to win and they're always wrong. Howard said that these experts really don't know a thing. Gary said that's true and if they say you're an expert then the audience will buy into it.
Howard played more of the audio of Geraldo and Gary talking about Avatar. They eventually moved on to talk about the Sony eBook reader. Howard said he learned nothing from them about Avatar at all. Howard said he thought that Gary was going to talk about how it was going to lead to other products like 3D TV and stuff. Gary said Geraldo was asking if he thinks that they're going to lose actors to the CG and he was responding to that.
Howard asked what the medallion was that Gary was wearing on the show. Gary said it was a 45 record adapter for a record player. Howard said he thought it was a swastika. He found that kind of odd. He asked if he still listens to records. Gary said he has a lot of vinyl and he still has a turntable. He said his kids listen to some of that stuff too. He said he can't throw that stuff out because there are still things that aren't on CD yet. Gary said he has an 8 track player and some other stuff as well.
Ralph called in and said he's glad that they waited until now to talk about this. He said that Gary doesn't know anything about what he's talking about. Gary said he listens to Geektime and Ralph doesn't know what he's talking about either. Ralph said he likes that Gary said the iPad was a ''stumble'' for Apple and the thing hasn't even been released yet. Gary and Ralph went back and forth on that and Gary asked who Ralph thinks he is.
Howard played more of the audio of Gary on Geraldo and he was talking about that eBook reader. Ralph said he trots that thing out on every show he goes on. Gary said he's had it on two shows, that's it.
Geraldo was asking Gary about the eBook reader and if that's going to put book companies out of business. Gary said that they may replace books some day. He was also saying that the iPad was a stumble and Ralph went off on him about that again. He was goofing on Gary for saying that when the thing hasn't come out yet.
Gary was telling Geraldo about the similarities the iPad has to the iPhone. Ralph was laughing at the clip since Gary was getting this stuff wrong according to him. In the clip Gary was telling Geraldo about his kids playing with their iTouch (iPod touch) and how they can use that instead of an iPad.
Ralph said that Gary was talking about how the kids can watch a movie on the Touch but the video is too small. Ralph said that's why people will want the iPad. Gary said he's not sure he'd spend the money on that thing when he can do the same stuff on a cheaper iPhone or Touch.
Howard and Ralph were goofing on Gary about having to give his Blackberry to someone else to set up. Gary said that even that kind of stuff can't be done by someone who is into tech. He said he just got a little help.
Ralph said that just because you see someone on TV doesn't mean they know anything. Ralph said that Gary doesn't know anything about gadgets. Gary said that's just not true. Ralph said that Gary is just regurgitating what Jon Hein said about it. Gary said that's just not true.
Gary and Ralph went back and forth for a couple of minutes arguing with each other. Gary asked Ralph what his biggest accomplishment was in his life. Ralph said it was working for the Howard Stern show. Gary said that he doesn't work for the show, he works for Howard. Ralph said he does Geektime too.
Gary said that Ralph should have said that he doesn't respect him at all. Ralph said he wants to go on Geraldo too. Howard asked Ralph if he's more of an expert than Gary is. Ralph said ''absolutely.'' Howard asked if he would go on as Gadget Ralph to compete with Gadget Gary. Ralph said he would do it. He said he's not sure about the name but he would do it.
Howard asked Gary who is better at setting up a Blackberry, Jon Hein or Jim McClure. Gary said that he's sure Ralph wouldn't know how to set it up. Ralph said he knows how to load content into his web site, does Gary? Gary said he does. They both got in plugs for their web sites while they were arguing about that. Ralph's site is MyGeekTime.com and Gary's is BabaBooey.com.
Howard asked Gary if he knows why they call keyboards ''QWERTY'' keyboards. Gary didn't know. Ralph said that it's the layout of a keyboard. Gary thought it was a type of physical keyboard. Howard said it's the set up of the keyboard. Ralph said it's staring Gary right in the face every day while he's playing Solitaire.
Ralph asked Gary if he knows what operating system is on the iPad. Gary didn't know. Ralph said that it's the same one as on the iPhone. Gary said Ralph only knows about Apple though.
Howard asked Ralph what the difference is between a component cable and a composite cable. Ralph said that he knows. He said that the component cable was just one cable and the composite was 3. That was wrong. He kind of knew what he was saying but it wasn't exactly right. Gary said he's not in competition with Ralph because he's on national TV shows and Ralph isn't. Howard had to take another break after that.
In the clip Howard said he had the whole look down during the break while he was playing. Robin said he has it down when he's on stage pretending to play too. Howard said he's like Milli Vanilli. He said he's just a small step away. He said he should have taken guitar lessons. He said in high school he'd play air guitar along to Kashmir. Howard told Fred to get the song so he can demonstrate.
Howard said that everyone will have to wait to see him on the E! show to see this performance. Fred found the song and played it for Howard. Howard said he starts out with the drums and then moves right into guitar. Robin laughed as he did that. He'd switch from drums to guitar and back. Howard said that he'd eventually break into the lead singing. Howard played air organ with one hand and then moved into more guitar and drums.
Robin said she used to make love to this song. Howard said he used to pretend he was in the band. He sang some of the song. He tried to use his echo but it wasn't on. He thanked Scott the Engineer for checking on that.
Howard said he could do some Metallica songs too. Howard gave Robin a few choices for the songs he could do. Scott was in to check the echo. Scott said he did check it this morning. He said the problem is that the E! control room wasn't getting any audio.
Howard played Metallica's ''Wherever I May Roam'' so he could play air guitar to that. Howard said he even hits the pedals on the floor like the cool guys do. Howard did some posing for Robin. He said he was playing his ass off. He said he may switch to drums but not as much as with Kashmir. Howard was switching between instruments on this song too. He said he had to take his shirt off and he did that without losing his instrument. Howard said he has to look extra good while he plays. He said he's going to look so good on stage. He said he might be playing drums with his nuts.
Howard said Ralph comes over to his house and plays air bass sometimes. Howard said that Ralph wanted to get a band together but he doesn't play anything. Howard asked if he wanted to come in and play with him. Robin asked if they really play together like that. Howard said they do but it doesn't last long because it's so embarrassing.
Ralph came in but he wasn't really into it. Howard said he's not dressed for it. Howard said they may have to play some Nirvana or Pearl Jam. Ralph said he's not sure he could get into Led Zeppelin. Howard said he can play bass if he wants. Ralph said he'll do it.
Howard played more of the Metallica song but Ralph didn't know what to do. Howard kicked him out because he wasn't playing bass the right way. Howard told Fred to show him how to play. Fred did it right so Howard had someone to play with. Howard said Jackie was playing keyboards even though there wasn't any in the song.
Howard told Fred to sit down. He said he looked like a retard. He was wind milling the bass. Howard kicked everyone out after that. Jackie said that's dumb even for teenagers to do. Howard said he knows. Howard was out of breath after that.
Howard said he saw how retarded Fred looked and figured it was time to sit down. Robin said he did look like a retard. Howard said Fred is a lot of fun. Robin said he puts a lot of energy into everything he does. Howard said Jackie was playing keyboards during a Metallica song. He got caught up in the whole thing. Jackie said it was the only instrument left. Howard told Fred to pretend he's got a pen in his hand and try writing some things.
In the clip Howard was talking about a letter he got from Teri Hatcher. He said he would like to write to some people on his computer but everyone uses him as a test. Howard said they all write to him as a test and then they never write him back. Howard said he's setting them up for the year 2000 with their computer systems. Howard said he had Jeff Shick over to help set them up. He said this guy Steve Biondi came over too. He said he got a 1460 on his SAT tests. Howard said that he thought that was pretty high. Robin said the highest is 1600. Howard said he did pretty good.
Howard said he asked Steve where he went to school and it was Pace. He said the guy is so smart that he didn't need a good college. Howard said IBM hired him right out of high school. Howard said that Steve also built his own house. He said that's pretty amazing.
Howard said he worked it all out with Lotus Notes. Howard said Robin is going to call his house and enter the Howard Stern database. He said they'll have calendars for the guests, phone book for the show and all of that. He said they'll have bulletin boards where they can contribute ideas for the show too. He said it'll be a private thing. Howard said they'll have it set up today internally. He said they'll be able to use it soon.
Robin was kind of sick so Howard told her that she's running herself down trying to lose weight. Howard said that she has to take it easy. Robin and Howard argued for a minute about that.
Howard said he could see a big change with Robin. He said she's lost quite a bit of weight. Jackie said she looks the same. Robin went off on Jackie about his fat belly a little bit.
Howard said that they will have Lotus Notes 4.0 up and running in about 2 weeks. He said he's trying to figure out which database they should use. He said once that's set up they'll all be able to use it. Howard said he has 15 gigabytes on his server. Robin asked if he will be able to use the system while they're in it. Howard said he can. He said he'll be able to see who contributes and who logs in. Howard said he can see if they just log in too. Howard said he's going to judge them on how much they contribute. Howard said you can't just log in and not contribute.
Howard asked Fred about Jackie's ''head writer'' title and if he finds it odd that he's the only other writer. Jackie said it's a group of two Indians and Jackie is the chief. Jackie said that was at the channel 9 show. Howard said if you ask Jackie to do something he'll just throw it to Fred. Gary said if you point out that Jackie is the head writer so he has to do it then he wishes he hadn't taken that title.
Howard said it's funny that Jackie is the head writer and Fred is the only other writer. Howard said it started a chain reaction and he told Mark Cronin to take the writing credit for the E! special. Mark asked if he could be called the head writer. Howard said he didn't even ask Jackie to write for that E! special.
Fred said he is bothered by the head writer credit. He said that he has tried not to do things like that. Howard said he appreciates that. Fred said that's why he has his loyalty. Howard said Robin, Jackie and Gary all left the room thinking that would be funny.
Jackie called in from the other room and asked if they could talk about something else. Howard told Jackie to get in there. Jackie said they're going to wait out there until they can get some kind of relationship going. Howard said everyone bad mouths Jackie when he walks into the Friar's club.
Jackie said that Howard and Fred looked very uncomfortable there together. Howard said the show kept going without Jackie. Jackie said Fred never wrote a joke for Howard before he got there. Howard said just because he does things differently than Fred that doesn't mean that he doesn't contribute just as much.
Howard said he's not sure how Jackie got Robin to go along with his bit. Robin said it was funny to see Howard and Fred confronting each other. Robin said his face relaxed once Jackie came back in.
Gary stopped another black guy but he didn't have time either. Gary tried again but that guy walked by too. Gary finally found a guy who said he was celebrating by going to work. Howard said that's no way to celebrate. Howard asked who his favorite black hero is. The guy said it was Joe Legon from Mighty Clouds of Joy. Howard asked what he will be doing to celebrate. The guy said he'd be in church mostly. Howard asked him to sing for them. The guy said he'd sing something that Redd Foxx would sing. He did a quick song but said he had to run to work.
Howard told Gary to find some black women. He said they get nuts. Howard told him to find a black woman with red hair. He said he used to see a lot of that. Howard waited for Gary to find another person to talk to. He ended up talking about how bad he looks and how he's lucky that his wife even has sex with him. Robin said not everyone was meant to be an Adonis.
Gary said he found another guy to talk to about black history month. That guy kept going. Gary tried another guy who had some time to talk. Gary asked what he was doing to celebrate. The guy said he was going to some plays in Queens. His favorite guy was Martin Luther King. He also likes Malcolm X. Howard said X is his favorite. Howard said Martin Luther King wasn't as militant. Howard let that guy go a short time later. Howard told Gary to find a woman who is having her black history time of the month next. They went to break after that.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he was told someone just bought a copy of his high school yearbook for $250. Howard said that school was full of losers and hypocrites.
Howard said the air was full of no fun when he was there. He said that he doesn't know what it's like now. Robin said she'd like to know how he'd do in that neighborhood now. Howard said that they all love him now. He said he had teachers there who ridiculed his problem at the time. Howard said he was quite shy back then and he was intimidated by being in the white community he was in. Howard said he found it all very hypocritical. He said he just sat and kept quiet.
Howard said maybe if he did a project for the teacher she'd give him a good grade. He said he did this project where he interviewed a cousin. He said she did give him an A+. Howard said she only wanted to keep a good record in the class. He said she laughed in his face though. Howard said if he had been in his right mind he would have hit her in the knee with a pipe.
Howard said he was the king of the dip-shirts. He had to keep it clean for the air. Howard said he did have a couple of friends there. He said it just wasn't for him though. He said he was a very awkward teenager. Robin said she wishes she could go back and watch him in a time machine. Howard said he doesn't think Robin could have helped. Howard said she had problems herself. Robin said they weren't those kind of problems. Howard said he was not king of the hill, top of the heap. Robin said she'd like to go to a reunion with Howard to see the people who mistreated him. Howard said there were a lot of girls he would have liked to have dated but now they're all living in garbage.
Robin asked if they ever met anyone he went to high school with. Howard said they did meet Elise. Howard said he knew very few people there actually. He said he has had a few guys on the show that he knew. Howard said he didn't have many girl's though. He said Elise told him that there was one girl who liked him but he was so intimidated that he didn't do anything about it. He didn't believe that the girl would be interested. Howard said he was a geek with a bad self image. Howard said he never had a long term relationship back then. He'd have sex with a girl and never hear from her again.
Howard said he wanted to get off this subject and move on to something else. He and Robin spent a few more minutes talking about those times though. Howard said that he used to smoke weed a lot back then too. He said he would bring people with him but they'd end up dumping him.
Howard told Robin about this AZA club he joined to meet girls. He said that the club was full of ugly girls. He said his friends would score and he'd end up on the couch by himself. He said he was nothing. He said the girls would head for the hills. He said he tried talking to the girls but he didn't know how so they'd run. Howard said these were the girls who were supposed to be begging him to bang them. Howard said that didn't work. He spent a few more minutes talking about that.
Brandi Love Wonders Why Playboy Rejects Her. 02/02/05. 8:05am
This woman Brandi Love contacted the show and wants to know why Playboy has rejected her. She came in and Robin immediately asked her how old she is. She's 31 and has been trying to get in the magazine since she was 24. Howard asked her to strip down a bit so they could check out her body. He said that she's got a 10 body... but he had to be honest with her. He said that she's a little too muscular and she doesn't have the face for the magazine. He didn't call her a butterface but she doesn't quite have the right face for the magazine. He said it looked like she had some miles on her. Gary also said that she's got a ''long face'' that might be one of the problems. Howard also didn't like her hair color and style. He said that it was dark on the bottom and light on the top. Howard kept saying that she has a great body and he could have some fun over at Scores with her. Gary asked if she could do Penthouse. Howard said ''No.'' He said she could probably do Hustler or Oui. Fred said she's got a face for the Weather Channel. Artie said that she could do Hustler without question.
Howard kept telling Brandi that there's no way she's going to be in Playboy at all. It doesn't matter what special editions they came out with, she doesn't belong in it. Howard said it's not even a put down because it takes a really special woman to be in that magazine. Brandi hasn't done any other magazines, she's only done stuff on her web site BrandiLove.com. Howard said she's into some pretty intense stuff on her web site. She has a daughter and a great body for a mother. Howard wondered what she's going to tell the kid when she's old enough to find out about this stuff. Brandi said she is a slut and she'd probably tell her kid that.
Brandi said she really didn't become a slut until she was 30. She said she hit her stride at that age. She lost her virginity shortly before she turned 17. Howard told her that her ass is ''world class'' and found out she's been working out for about 15 years. Howard wondered if they asked her to have sex with them, would she do it. Brandi said that she'd have to get to know them a little more. She checked the guys out and said she'd do Gary, Howard and Artie but not Fred or Benjy. She asked to see Fred's abs but he wasn't going to show them to anyone. Benjy said that he doesn't have any abs so he wasn't taking his shirt off either.
Brandi lives down in South Carolina so Robin told her that's probably the reason her hair is bad. They apparently don't know how to do hair down there. Brandi told Howard about how she's been married for about 10 years. She and her husband meet some people through the web and sometimes bring them back to their place to have some fun. Brandi was telling some stories and Robin thought she sounded kind of like Artie when he called in sick on Monday. Howard replayed Artie's call and it did sound kind of like Brandi's voice. Howard played a couple of the bits they created using Artie's call and then got back to Brandi. Brandi was telling a story about hooking up with a chick she met through the web. They ended up getting a hotel room with the other couple they were out with and had some fun. She said that she's not into women that much, guys are more her thing. Brandi let her husband do stuff to the other chick and she enjoys watching that. The other guy was doing Brandi at the same time and they don't really have any rules about what they can or can't do. She said they're very open with each other and they don't do anything without telling each other about it.
Howard gave Brandi a plug for her web site BrandiLove.com. He checked it out last night but had some trouble getting some of the video to download. Brandi told the guys that she doesn't think that any of her husband's co-workers know about what they do. Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who wanted Howard to get this chick naked so they could see it on E!. Brandi went ahead and took her top off a few seconds later. Howard asked her to take her bottoms off but she said she didn't know them well enough to do that. She eventually pulled her pants down and let the guys spank her. Doug from E! was giving her a couple of whack so Gary got in there and did the same thing. Mike told Howard to get her into the RoboSpanker. She agreed to do it so Howard had her get in there so he could spank her. He gave her a couple of whacks and she seemed to like it. She took a bunch of spanks before it started to hurt. Howard told her that she had a smokin' body and wanted to put her pictures right up on his web site. They didn't have the ability to do that right away though.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said Brandi sounds like a very loose whore. Brandi said she prefers the term ''slut'' over whore. Artie did his impression of Jeff for a few seconds. Howard asked Jeff when he had a woman last. It was when he was set up with a porno chick who ended up crying after having sex with him. Howard had to end the interview so he gave Brandi another plug and went to break.
Howard's Gift To Robin - A Car! 02/02/06. 6:05am
Howard told the guys about what he did for Robin yesterday. Artie had seen them walking downstairs together and didn't know what was going on. Howard went on to talk about how generous Robin is with him and how much he appreciates her being with him for all of these years. He said he's been thinking about doing this for a while now and after the party she threw for him, he really had to get it done. He had this plan weeks before the party but there was a lot of stuff going on so he didn't have time.
Howard explained how he took Robin down to the garage and told her how he felt about her. They were standing there in the garbage and he told her that he bought her something as a thank-you to her. He said he had waiting there a Mercedes Convertible... an SL500 (about $93,000). He said he got it loaded with everything he could and it comes with SIRIUS as a standard feature. Artie said he's trading in his Mercedes in a couple of months and he can't wait to get the SIRIUS standard in the vehicle.
Howard asked Robin if the radio had the SIRIUS scroll on the screen. She wasn't sure about that but didn't think it had it. Robin said that when Howard brought her downstairs she saw a dumpster and a car and figured Howard had something waiting in the dumpster for her. She had no idea it was the car sitting there.
Robin's car is black with a graphite interior and she's very happy with the color. Howard said that it was the best feeling in the world to give her a gift like that. He asked Robin what she thought he was going to give her. She said she didn't know what was down there. Artie said that the only people that know there's a garage down there are Howard and Martha Stewart.
Ronnie came in and said that he has a SIRIUS tuner in his limo and he thinks that Robin's tuner should show the scroll. Robin said the car is great and the seats feel really good when you slip into the car.
Ronnie told Howard that he went for a ride with Artie one time and he'll never ride with him again. He said that they almost hit a dumpster that day. They went from Caroline's to Scores in record time and they didn't stop for any red lights. They took a chick for a ride and when they got to the club, she had to run into the bathroom to throw up.
A caller asked if Robin was going to show her cans now that she got this gift. Robin said she would only show Howard if she showed them at all. Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that he was in the car with Artie that night and it was an insane trip. He was doing about 80 that night and going through red lights like crazy.
Howard said that Robin was very emotional after getting the car. She said her whole day was thrown off because of the car. She had plans to go home, work out and then rest. The whole day was thrown off after that. She said there was a Mercedes salesman there who went over every aspect of the car with her and it was like a 2 hour demonstration.
Robin went on the Wrap Up Show after the radio show yesterday and talked to Gary and Jon Hein about the car. He played an audio clip of what happened there and she was still very emotional. Howard said that she looked like she had just gotten f'd by him. Robin said that the whole thing was mind blowing to her. Robin explained to the guys how Howard took her down to the basement and gave her the car. (more details about the Wrap Up Show).
Howard jokingly told Robin that this was just a rental car that was going back in a week while he was listening to the Wrap Up Show segment. Gary had cracked a joke about Jackie hearing that and having a stroke during that discussion. Robin told the guys she actually drove around with the top down even though it was pretty cold out. She said that Mr. X was telling her that they have to get a special chamois to wash the car.
Artie said that everyone who has walked into a Mercedes dealer knows that car too. It's one of the coolest cars they make. Howard said he went into the dealer and spent maybe an hour there because he had to go through the color choice. Ronnie said the salesman, Chris, called him last night and told him it was the easiest sale he ever had. Howard knew what he wanted and didn't dick the guy around.
Artie and the guys talked about how great the car looks in black and how it was the right choice. Howard said it was either black or silver and he eventually went for the black. He also said that he was Oprah for a moment when he gave someone a car. He pointed out that Oprah gets the car companies to give cars away though, she doesn't spend her own money.
In the clip Howard had John's sister and nephew come in after finding out she was the one out in the hall bothering him. Howard said that she was saying hi and he was blowing her off big time.
The sister came in with her husband and her son Nicholas. Howard asked how Nicholas was doing. He told Howard he should give John a raise. Robin asked if John filled him up with that nonsense. John said he didn't.
Howard asked John's sister, Susan, if she's proud of John. She said they are but she can't believe this stuttering made him what he is. Howard said he has a big record coming out too. He asked Nicholas if he had heard the music yet. Nicholas said he hadn't heard it yet. Howard said this should be exciting to the family.
Howard asked Susan and her husband what they do. The husband was unemployed and Susan is a paralegal. Howard said that it's no wonder she sends baskets of fruit to him thanking him for giving John a job. Howard asked the husband what he does. He said he's a utility arborist. He said there's too much snow up where they live to work at this time of year.
Howard asked what he does in this job. the guy said he works for the power company keeping trees from the power lines. Howard asked how they can afford this trip to the city. Susan said John is paying for it.
Howard said the reason Gary can buy his house is because of John. Gary said that John's stock tips helped him move up a level in the kind of house he can look at. Jackie said that John turned 10 grand into 3 for him. John said he's helped Jackie make money. Jackie said he has given him a lot of tips but that doesn't mean he's made him a lot of money.
Gary said John has made him a substantial amount of money. He said he doubled his bank account. John said he's helped Robin out too.
Howard asked Susan if she defended John as a kid. She said that she has. She said that he's the one who video taped her getting dressed and he showed it to his friends. John said he had a screening for his friends. Howard asked Nicholas if he knew John was doing that. He had no idea.
Howard had Nicholas take a pledge not to buy more than one item at FAO Schwarz when they take him there today. Nicholas did that so Howard had him take another oath. He had him say he would brush his teeth every day so he doesn't look like Uncle Gary over there.
Howard asked Susan what else John did as a kid. She told Howard that he and his friends used to untie women's tops on the beach and then tap them on the shoulder to ask them a question. John said that's how he got his first Juvenile Delinquent card. He said he accumulated two or three of those over the years. He said the second one was for fireworks. Howard said Uncle John is a great role model for Nicholas. Howard told him to take another oath. He had him say that he would shower at least once a week so he looks cleaner than Uncle John.
Howard said it was nice meeting everyone. He asked Susan if they have gotten any stock tips. The husband said they don't have any money to invest. Howard had Nicholas take one last oath not to let his hair get long so he looks like ''Aunt John.''
Stump The Booey With Vic And Melissa. 02/02/04. 9:15am
Howard had the guys bring in Vic and Melissa. Vic was going to play against Gary in a game of Stump the Booey. Howard wondered how Vic was able to get Melissa who was really hot. Howard asked them how they met. Vic said that he owns a club and they have a male revue one night a week. That's where he met Melissa. Vic said he's the General Manager of the club and explained to Howard how these guys get themselves semi-aroused before they do the shows. That's why they all look that big.
Howard told Melissa to take off all of her clothes for the game. They had her behind a curtain and had her strip so they can't be scammed if Vic loses the game. Howard then moved on to the game. They play 5 songs and whoever gets the most correct wins. If Vic wins, he gets $5000. If Gary wins, they get to see Melissa naked. They have to get the name of the artist and the song name. The songs are from the 80's. Here are the songs and who got them right and/or wrong:
Vic said he could have won the game of Win Fred's Money the other day because he knew five of the answers. Howard didn't seem to think that he could have won. He let the guy get in a plug for the club he runs though. Vic said it's the Players club in South Hackensack, NJ. Howard went to break shortly after that.
Howard's Favorite Gift - Porno From Ratso. 2/2/98. 8:10am
Howard got a bunch of cool gifts for his birthday last week but the one he seemed most impressed with was this porno that his buddy Ratso Sloman gave him. The tape that he got from Ratso was a copy of ''Shane's Ultimate Fantasy''. It wasn't even a new tape, it was a copy of it but Howard said it was really ''hot''. He said the women in it are really gorgeous. There's some old guy in it who's a dominator. They do some really strange stuff in the video but Howard was into it. He hasn't finished watching the tape yet so I'm sure we'll hear more about it soon.
In the clip Robin was reading some news about Audrey Meadows when Howard changed subjects to Rosie O'Donnell's head size. Howard said he heard from a guy who said he saw her in person and her head was huge. He said it's bigger than Rush Limbaugh's. Howard said the guy told him it's larger than a lion's head including the mane.
Robin read more about Audrey Meadows and the role she played on The Honeymooners. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about how she's got cancer and it's terminal. Fred played some Jackie laugh clips while that was going on.
Gary said he called Audrey about 8 years ago and she hung up on him. He said she said Howard is disgusting and she would never do the show. Howard said she hates him and so did Spanky from the Little Rascals. Gary said he's only been hung up on by three people. One was Spanky, one was Audrey and the other was the guy who played Mr. B on some show.
Robin said that Audrey was a chain smoker for most of her life. Howard wanted to do a 21 cigarette salute to her so he asked Scott the Engineer to come in. Howard said he's busy watching cable TV in the back room. He said they finally got it there after 10 years. Howard asked Scott if he could do a 3 cigarette salute to her. Scott said he could do that. He pulled out a new pack of cigarettes and did his 3 cigarette salute. He had all three of them lit. Howard said he's the Flying Wallendas of tobacco. Jackie was gagging as he saw that going on. Howard said Scott must be in heaven. Howard said that really is a disgusting habit. Scott said he'd get them out of there. Howard said it stinks in there now. He said not many guys can handle three. He said he had all three bunched together when he did it too. Robin said he kept all of them lit too. Howard said they should play Flight of the Bumble Bee and see if he can do that and spin plates too.
Robin asked if they should bet if Audrey can make it through the weekend. Howard said he'd bet. He doesn't think she's going to make it. Robin wasn't sure she could afford to bet after losing the last bet they had.
In the clip Robin asked Howard if he thinks Princess Diana is attractive. Howard said she is but he thinks that the Prince could have found someone hotter. Howard said that he thinks it is amazing that she was a virgin. Howard said that she looks okay. Robin said she doesn't think she's that attractive. Howard said she's alright.
Robin read about Princess Diana being in the city. Howard said he knows a friend of his is coming up to have lunch with him today. He said he was thinking that he'd like it if she told him she wanted to have an affair with him. He said he wanted her when he was younger but he'd tell her that he won't give her sex. He said she didn't want him when he wasn't famous. He said he'd love it if she tried to seduce him though.
Robin read more about Princess Diana and what she's going to be doing there in the city. Howard wondered if the homeless children she's visiting are going to have a better life. Robin said they won't. She said she'll go home and the kids will go back to being homeless.
Robin said Diana had 13 trunks of luggage with her. She's only there for a few days. Howard said she should go visit WJIT to see the under privileged if she wants. Howard said he finds it repugnant that she's got so many trunks with her. He said it's disgusting.
Robin told Howard where Diana was staying so Howard said maybe they should try calling her. He had the number for the hotel so he gave it a try. Howard got right through to the hotel and asked to be connected to Diana's room. They put him through to a guy who had an English accent. Howard asked if it was her room. The guy said it wasn't. He said he would put him on with the princesses press secretary though.
Howard got that guy on the phone and said it was nice to see they had a man secretary over there. The guy corrected Howard and said he's a press secretary and not a secretary. Howard asked the guy what message Princess Diana would have for his listeners. He said that this was her first visit there and he thinks that she's delighted to be there in New York. He said he's not sure she has a message to deliver since she's just arrived.
Howard kept telling the guy that this is the biggest network there in the country so maybe she should look at him as something special and come on the air with him. The Press Secretary said that the best thing to do is cover her appearances today and they'll see what she's doing. Howard said he doesn't want to tell him what to do but this is the largest network. The guy said he doesn't know for sure that he is the largest network. Howard called Robin in to confirm that he is the largest network. Robin said that maybe she should speak to some average people like them. Howard said that was his idea. He said that perhaps she should speak to the common folk. The press secretary said that's what she'll be doing today when she visits some places there in the city.
Howard tried to find out what the princess was doing. The press secretary said she's eating breakfast and she will be heading out soon. Howard asked what she's eating. The guy said that's really none of his business. Howard said that the fans wanted to know what she was eating so that's why they're asking. Howard said they wanted to know if she eats immediately or if she jumps on the porcelain palace first. He said they are curious. The press secretary said he doesn't believe that they are that interested in this. He said that they really should be concerned about the homeless there. Howard said he has learned about them and most of them are freeloaders. Howard said he supports the English and he watches Benny Hill and all of that. The press secretary said that he doesn't think he has anything more to say. He said if he wants to see the princess they should go down to the homeless shelter or FAO Schwarz today.
Howard and Robin tried to keep the conversation going and asked again about who she eats with. The press secretary said that she eats alone. Howard asked where she eats. The press secretary said that she is a very private person and that's none of his concern. Howard asked if she has someone who dresses her. The guy asked for the next question. Howard asked how they figure out that pounds and shillings. He said he hates that about their country. He said it looks like toy money. He said he even has trouble with their own money. Howard wondered why a penny is so big but a dime is half the size. He said it doesn't make sense. The press secretary said he's confused by it as well so he can't help out.
Howard asked what they call Princess Diana. The press secretary said they call her ma'am but Howard thought he was saying ''Mum.'' Robin asked if she's watching TV. The press secretary said that she's actually reading the newspaper.
Howard told the guy that he's the black guy doing the weather on the local news there in New York. He said he does that and also does this radio show. Howard asked if she ever gets wild and goes out dancing. The press secretary said she does go dancing occasionally. Howard asked if he goes with her. The press secretary said she goes herself.
Howard said he could hear the princess in the room. The guy said that was another woman and not the princess. He said he knows he has a lot of viewers and listeners but he would suggest going down to the shelter to see her. Howard asked if she ever wears anything like a bikini around him. He said he has never seen that. Howard said he must have. The press secretary said he has a very wild imagination. Howard asked if he ever wears a bikini. The press secretary said they're not there to talk about him. Howard asked what his job pays. He said that it's none of his business. Howard asked if he has his own home. The press secretary said he does. He said he works at the palace. Howard asked how it is for getting broads. The press secretary said ''I beg your pardon?'' Howard asked if he's married. He said he is happily married.
Howard asked if he had to sign anything to say he would never write a book about the princess. He said he would never do that. Howard asked the guy to please get the princess on the phone. The press secretary said that he can't do that. Howard begged. Howard said he needs the ratings. Howard asked him to help out and just get any English broad on the phone to pretend to be her.
Howard asked him to just get her for two seconds. He said he's running out of time. The press secretary said that he can't help. He said he thinks that he should carry on with his show. Howard kept begging for him to get Diana on the phone. The press secretary said he just can't do that. Howard said he has nothing better to do. Howard said this would be such news if she just broke her schedule and got on the phone. Howard said he has the people listening now. He wants her to get crazy for once.
Howard asked what the guy's name was. Howard said he's in big trouble. The press secretary asked why he's in trouble. Howard said he is personal friends with Rupert Murdoch who runs the tabloids in that country. He said that he is a big donator to the trust too. The press secretary said he had to clear the line because they have a lot of calls coming in. Howard eventually gave up. Howard asked for his name one last time but the guy wasn't giving it out. He said his name is Dickie Arbeter. Howard said this is a pretty slippery Dickie. Howard said he's made him mad and when he learns who he is he's going to be very sorry. Howard said he's writing a letter right now. Dickie told him to go right ahead.
Howard let the guy go. Robin said they're so polite that they never hang up on you. Howard said he was waiting for him to hang up and he just never did. He said that was one stiff Dickie. He said he was just doing his job though.
In the clip Robin was reading some details about some of the police involved with the OJ case. Robin said that Jay Leno was at a party for Detective Van Atter. Robin read some of the jokes Jay was telling at this party.
Howard and Robin went over some of the stuff she was talking about with the OJ case. Howard was goofing on the jurors in the case and talking about what they might have said about the prosecutors and people like that. Robin and Howard were talking about why they're doomed after hearing about the jury. Howard said they are the stupidest people in the world from what he's seen in the news reports.
Howard said they need to test jurors for intelligence. He said we have to spell everything out for these people. Howard said that this was such an obvious case and he's not sure how much more proof they need. Howard said these people sit there like they're smart and the commentators just sit there and don't say anything. Robin said that they have explanations for everything you bring up. Howard said they don't understand the basic premise of being a juror. He said they think it's a soap opera.
In the clip Robin was reading about Marge Schott and her legal problems. Howard said Gary was supposed to get him Marge on the phone. Gary came in and said that Marge was on standby the whole day yesterday. He said he told Howard that and he didn't get her on. Gary said he told Howard that he was only available until 9:30 today. Howard and Gary argued about that for a short time.
Howard said that Gary is making over 100 grand there. Gary cut him off saying that he's not making that kind of money. He said it's not even over 80 grand. Howard said he has to add up everything. Gary said he doesn't want to talk about this on the air. Howard said he doesn't even know what he makes. Gary said he knows that but not everyone out there knows that he doesn't know. Gary said people listening will think he's making that kind of money. Howard said he's making about 30 grand. Gary said that was true up until about 2 weeks ago. Howard said he's really worth much more than he's being paid. Howard said he loves that guy. He said he's lying about the 100 G's so what does he want?
Howard said Marge Schott was on the phone but then he lost the call. Howard said the hold button doesn't hold. Howard said he keeps screaming about the phone but no one fixes it. Howard asked Gary to get her back on the phone.
Howard had Marge (Billy West) on the phone a short time later. Marge got on and said that Gary seems to be over paid and under worked. She asked if he was an N-word. Howard said that's why she gets into trouble. She uses the N-word. Marge said that the kikes use those words too. Howard said she has to learn to calm down. As he was talking to her a fax machine cut in and cut Billy off. Howard said he has two pieces of advice for her. He said that she's making too much money and she has to turn off her fax machine. Howard said he thinks that they bought her that fax machine. Howard said that if Marge used the word Nickel instead of the other N-word she might be better off.
Howard told Marge that she could use the word Kook instead of Kike. Marge tried that out a couple of times. Howard said everyone will like her now that she's using that word. Howard spent a few more seconds on the phone with Marge and then wrapped up and let her go.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:45am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:10am.