|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about the big show they had for us today. Howard said he hoped that everyone did the flower or pajama thing for their mom over the weekend.
Howard said that Iron Man 2 did really well at the box office. He said he was glad to see that. He said he likes Jon Favreau even though the movie company didn't send over any of the stars to do the show. He blames the publicists for that. He said that Favreau was also in the movie. He said he heard that he did Geektime with Jon, Ralph and Jason. He said that Senator Stern in the movie was a nod to him. Howard said he likes that since he helped push the first movie so hard. Howard said he wondered why he didn't cast him as Senator Stern. Robin said she cast Gary Shandling as Stern instead.
Howard played some audio from Geektime where they were talking to Jon Favreau and Jon confirmed that Senator Stern was a shout out to Howard.
Howard said Jon or Ralph asked why he didn't have him in the movie instead. Jon said he would let Howard play an Alien Killing cowboy or something. He said he'd like to have Howard play himself but he hates playing himself. Jon said maybe he could put Howard in the movie playing his Ronnie.
Howard said he did a great job playing himself so he's not sure why they think he doesn't like playing himself. He said Jay Leno plays himself in any movie he's been in. Howard said Stan Lee played Larry King in the Iron Man movie. He said he wouldn't have taken the Senator Stern part in that movie though. He said there were a lot of lines to remember and he wants something more major than that.
Howard said he's waiting for something like the Joker in The Dark Knight. He said the Joker would gain a lot of height if that was the case. Howard said he would have played Iron Man in the Iron Man movie.
Robin said he would be saving the show. Howard said there is no saving it. Howard said Simon is starting his own show and it's going to end up beating Idol. He said that Dancing with the Stars has started beating Idol in the ratings. He said that they're noticing the erosion and there's some kind of survey going on at the Idol web site and they're asking who they should get rid of. He said something is wrong and Ellen is one of the things they're asking about.
Howard said they have four judges and it's just too much. Howard said he has no desire to go on that show and do a Simon Cowell thing. He doesn't need to be Simon. Simon is kind of a one note kind of guy. He's not sure he could do anything other than that show. He's going to do another show similar to it now. He said all he can do is judge people. Howard said he would do it if they were going to pay him 50 million to do it. He said it's an amazing amount of money. Howard said he's a man of integrity and he wouldn't want to do something like that. He said the show would still tank because it's already tainted. Howard said it's kind of worn out and without Simon it's nothing.
Howard said it would be funny if Obama appointed Simon Cowell to the Supreme Court. Howard said that he was reading about this woman Obama is thinking about and she's from Brooklyn. Howard said he was reading about how Thurgood Marshall had nicknamed this woman ''shorty'' because she's like 5'3'' tall. Howard said you'd think you'd call her ''stretch'' or something like that.
Howard talked about the abortion issue and the people that Bush appointed to the Supreme Court. He said he had a million other things to talk about too.
Howard said he was watching the Sex and the City movie and he loved it. He said he loves watching Sarah Jessica Parker. He said he might be in love with her. Robin loved the movie but she said she couldn't watch it again. Howard said she has to watch it again.
Howard said the movie is all about Sarah. He said she's got a charisma. He said in one scene she's in her closet trying on one outfit after another. He said it's not even a sexual thing but he was able to watch her changing outfits. He said she's fun to watch. Robin said she knows how to show off a dress. Howard said if it's gay to watch women in outfits then he's gay. He said he doesn't feel that he is but that's what people are going to say.
Howard said he likes romantic movies and that's what that one is. He said if anyone doesn't like it then they can go fuck themselves. He said that everyone can suck his dick. He said Sarah has something and he can't even put his finger on it.
Howard said Iron Man 2 was number 1 at the box office. He said they're saying we have to go into Pakistan to beat the Taliban now that they know that's where they all are. He said that we're fighting in Afghanistan but Pakistan is where we need to be.
Howard read about the Betty White SNL ratings. It was the biggest ratings night for SNL in 18 months according to the article. Howard wondered how this whole thing got started with people trying to get Betty on the show. Robin said she's like the old person that people want to see.
Howard said he used to have back pain and he went to Dr. John Sarno and learned that it wasn't anything physical and it was all psychological. He said he spoke to him about Tiger Woods many years ago and Sarno told him that Tiger had back pain and he figured it was a job for him. Howard said he saw that Tiger was out with neck pain over the weekend and he was thinking he needs to get word to him about Sarno.
Howard said there's a golf channel out there and on the channel this female reporter said ''bulging dick'' instead of bulging disk when she was talking about his neck. Howard had the audio clip to play. In the clip the female reporter was talking about Tiger pulling out of the tournament and said ''bulging dicks'' instead of ''disk.''
Howard played another audio clip of some news report where they were talking about a non stick coating peeling off and one guy says that there are little dicks in the coating.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Betty White was incredible on SNL. He said that they should make her a regular on there.
The caller also said he wanted to comment on Beth's appearance on Letterman last week. Howard said she was on after Brian Williams. He said he can't imagine that the ratings were very good. He said he saw Brian Williams at the Matt Lauer roast but he was being very serious on that Letterman show. He was being very heavy. It was relentless discussion about political talk and stuff.
Howard played some audio of Williams appearance where they edited together some of the highlights of the negative discussions they were having.
Howard said this was like the news guy just going over news stories. He said he likes when someone with an opinion goes on a show like that and talks but this was just a rehash of the news. JD came in and said that by the end of the interview they were talking about people being set on fire in Greece.
Howard said Beth was already nervous about going on the show and then she had to deal with that. Howard said so many of these actresses go on shows like that and they're just awful. Howard said he saw Amanda Peet on Letterman and she had absolutely nothing to say. He said it really pisses him off too. He said Dave asked Amanda about what the movie was about and she just laughed. Howard said Dave asked her what was wrong and she just laughed. Howard said she sounds mentally ill. Howard said she probably doesn't care about the movie and she knows that no one is going to go see it. He said that her laugh was fake and she was cracking herself up about nothing. Howard said they just rolled the tape and there was no set up to the clip at all. Howard said she didn't promote the movie at all.
Howard said he can imagine the producer of the movie thinking about how she just fucked it up for them when she did that. Howard said this Amanda Peet was on with Letterman and she fucked it all up. He said it was an actress laugh and she's a ''fuckin bitch'' for doing that.
Howard asked the caller what he would do if something like that happened. Howard said that it was such a phony thing. He said it's phony, lazy, actress bull shit. If she had put up her own money she wouldn't have been laughing like that.
Howard said that anyone who hires her is an asshole. Howard said he wouldn't hire her to do shit. He said that he guarantees she grew up a rich kid. He later read that she was the daughter of a corporate lawyer. He figured he was right.
JD had the audio of the interview he was talking about. In the clip Amanda was joking about how she had to get herself to sell now that Dave was asking her about the movie. Howard said that's what she has to do when she does a movie. Howard said he guarantees she's a disaster doing anything. Howard played more of the audio and Amanda wasn't able to get anything out about the movie. She had a ''foggy brain'' about what the movie was about.
Howard said he has dated actresses and he knows that fake laugh that Amanda is doing. He said you can smell a fake and a phony like that. Howard let the clip play out and said that Dave isn't very tolerant about stuff like that. He said that the producer was probably glad that she was on Letterman to sell a few tickets and she didn't do a thing to help. Howard said the guy probably mortgaged his house to make the movie and this chick isn't doing anything to help sell it.
Howard said Dave doesn't care if the guy makes money with the movie. Howard wondered who is giving this girl money to be in movies. He said that she should go out and do what her father did. But Howard said that he wouldn't want her as his lawyer.
Howard got back to Beth's appearance and played more of the boring Brian Williams interview. They were going over all of these horrible things that were going on in the news. Everything was more negative than the last.
Howard said that went on for two segments. He said he was digging a hole to bury himself in while that was going on. Howard said you don't want that as you're trying to go to sleep. You just want some light banter. He said that the guy was telling everyone how bad things were out there instead of giving his opinion. He said he told Beth that was some way to promote her book on there.
Howard said Beth is doing a book signing tonight somewhere. Then on Thursday they're going out to L.A. so she can do Kimmel. Howard said things are going really well for her. He said it's nice.
Howard said Beth had a good time on Letterman. He said she thought she did terrible on the show but everyone thought she was great. Howard said they were thinking about having her back on again but Beth didn't think she did that well. Howard said he watched it and he thought it was terrific. Howard said she had some good stories and it was fun.
Howard said they had a good bit planned but he would have had to have shown up there to do it. He said Beth is also doing Regis and Kelly soon. The book signing is at Barnes and Nobel in Lincoln Square. she's also gong to be in Ridgewood, NJ tomorrow night at Book Ends. Howard said he needs her home, not there signing books.
Howard said Beth was going to walk out with an ear piece and she was going to say that he was going to feed her some things to say during the interview. She was going to interrupt and ask Dave if he ever gives his wife a Dutch oven and things like that. They caught wind of that at Letterman but they wanted him sitting in the green room. Howard said it would have become all about him if they had done that. Howard said he wanted her to just do it on her own and enjoy it.
Howard said Beth wanted to get into the whole thing with Dave about why she was fired from there. Howard said they didn't get to that either. Robin said that when he was dating Beth and no one knew, she was still working there. Howard said they fired her after they found out about him dating her. Howard said she had a nice experience while she was doing the interview.
The first phrase was ''Better save than _____.'' The caller said no. Gary actually got it right. Howard said it's weird how he can remember stuff like that. Then they asked him ''Every dog has his _____.'' The caller said that Gary would not get it. Gary said the dog ''has its ups and downs.''
Howard said that he was trying to do a Gary the Retard impression but he can't quite get it down. He said he's close but not quite yet. Fred can't do that one either. Robin said Sour Shoes may be the only one who can do it.
Next up was ''Go ahead make my _____.'' The caller said that he thinks Gary won't know it. Gary actually did know it.
Howard told the caller, Paul, that he had to get the next two right. The next one was ''It's no use crying over spilt _____.'' Paul said that Gary will not know that one. Howard played Gary's answer and it was ''Coffee or pop.''
Next up was ''Easy come, easy _____.'' Paul said Gary would get it right. Gary got it right with ''Easy come, easy go.''
Howard said that Paul won $711 from 7-Eleven. Paul said that he's been out of work so he really needed the money. Howard said that was a happy ending for Paul there. He said he almost became the victim of his new rules about prizes.
Robin said it was nice to hear that Double A was out there. They never hear from her these days. Gary said he does and Double A is doing something that he can't talk about. He said once it's all settled he's going to come in and tell them about it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Beth's book was sold out all over the place. She said she went all over the place to find one. She said that was the power of Howard.
Howard read some email about Beth's Letterman appearance. He read one from a guy who said he was very lucky to have Beth and how he had to go up and sleep next to the monstrosity that he had married and how he had to try not to wake it as he cried. Howard said he laughed about that all weekend.
Howard said his favorite thing to do on Saturday nights is sit down and read the tabloids with a glass of wine. He said he had a great one from the Enquirer. He said he forgot to bring it in with him but the story was about Cher finding a new love and the new love was Ron Zimmerman. Howard said Ron is the comedian that used to come on the show. He said he worked with him on some scripts and stuff. He was the one who said that Marissa Tomei's ass was talking to him while he was on a hiking trip. Howard said that he has to read this article on the air.
Howard said he was just starting out in Washington DC and this comic got up and started going off on the audience. He ended up getting into a fist fight with an audience member and he figured the guy was going to be the biggest comedian out there. it turned out to be Ron Zimmerman. Howard said he had him on the radio show but it was barely a radio show back then. He said that was probably the first guest he ever had on his radio show. Howard said Ron hated being on the air though. He said he had to stop.
Gary brought in the article he was talking about. He said that Ron has been on the show many times and told some great stories about Sam Kinison and his brother beating him up one time. He said Ron has stayed in touch with him for a long time. He said he's a bright, funny guy but he's a sad sack too. He said he has great stories though.
Howard said this makes sense to him and he's happy for Ron now. He said he hopes it works out with him and Cher. He read the article which was actually in The Globe. Howard said that Cher isn't going to be happy about Ron talking to the Globe. He read through some of it and said it really does make sense to him. Howard said that they're both lonely and they might be perfect for each other.
Howard said Ron looks good in the picture next to Cher. He said he's happy for Ron. He read more of the article where they quote him talking about Cher and how great she is. Howard said he might have to send Ron a note and tell him to keep his mouth shut about this whole thing.
Howard read more of the article where they gave some of Ron's history and how Jay Leno had saved him from a suicide attempt. They also talked about how Ron and Cher are getting along and Howard said he's so happy for this guy.
Howard said Ron seems to be saying all the right things. Robin was shocked. Howard said he loves it all. Robin wished the two love birds well. Howard told Ron not to blow it. He said this is a good one. He said they're both happy together. He said Ron is looking good too. Robin asked when he's ever said that. Howard said never. Howard said he's really happy for the guy.
Howard said the last time they saw Ron they were in Vegas and they were trying to hook him up with some chicks but he didn't like that whole scene. Howard said this is perfect for him and he and Cher can stay in and watch movies. Howard said that they describe him as ''rugged'' which is probably going too far.
Ass Napkin Ed called in and said he had a fantasy about him making love to her with Howard. Ed said he beat off while she was on too. Ed said that he and Howard were both going at it with her in his fantasy. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said Ed should move in with Betty White. He said that might be the perfect woman for Ed.
Ed asked Robin if he could take her out to a movie. Robin said she's too busy for that. Ed told Howard he moved and he's in HUD so he pays only $218 a month. He's not using a bucket anymore. Howard said that's great. He asked about the communal bathroom he used to use. Ed said the people he's living with are crazy. He said they push each other around in shopping carts out in the halls.
Ed said that he's trying to get guys to enter the Wack Pack contest but he thinks the guy is kind of weird. Howard mentioned that contest that they have going on where they're looking for a new Wack Packer. Howard said they haven't really had any good entries so far. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and mentioned that Medicated Pete is doing his top 40 show tonight on Howard 101 at 7. Gary said that Pete heard his name mentioned and wanted to run in there. Gary said he's like a magnet for the door when he hears his name. Howard said he would talk to him.
Howard said Pete is dressed up in a sports jacket for his show. Howard asked Pete if he's psyched to do his show tonight. Pete said he's very excited. Howard said they talked to Pete last week about doing this show and Pete has been preparing to do it. He said they've abbreviated the music so they have more Pete on the show. He said they made the songs like 2 minutes.
Gary said that they're going to have Pete doing his impressions tonight on the show too. Howard asked Pete if he wanted to give them a teaser and talk up a song. Pete said he would do that but said maybe he'll just wait for tonight.
Howard asked about the sports jacket and if that's a good luck charm or something. Pete said that's what it is. Howard said maybe he'll get a job there. Pete said that would be awesome. Howard asked if he's still dating that chick. Pete said he is and said that it's still going good. He's been seeing her for about 5 months now.
Howard said he heard some of that show and it was like a stroll down memory lane. He said they had some really old stuff in there.
Howard took another call from Wheels who was talking about Beth's Letterman appearance. He thought it was really good. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard took a call from Irish John who said he enjoyed Beth's segment too. He said he felt that Letterman was kind of hitting on her a little bit. Howard said Dave treated her very well but he did kind of get the feeling that he was putting him down and that's what he had to do with pretty girls when he was dating. He said he has to put the other guys down.
Howard said that he stoped going on Letterman years ago because Dave had an attitude toward him. He said his agent called them over there and told them they were going to stop doing the show because of that. Dave changed his attitude after that. Howard said Dave was saying some stuff about him and called him kind of peculiar. Howard said that he found himself muttering under his breath ''I'm peculiar?'' since Dave is so peculiar himself. John said he thinks that Dave has to go home to his frumpy wife of his and he might be jealous of Howard having Beth. Howard let John go a short time after that.
Howard said Beth was thrown off after the interview and she didn't even realize how well she did. Howard said he knows that feeling because he's been there. Howard said after she saw it she saw how well she did. Howard said it was a lot of stress for her. He said that Beth knew all of the fans were going to be watching and they would pick up on anything she did wrong.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he loved her appearance and that white dress showed off her tight ass. He asked if he banged her when she got home. Howard said they went out to dinner actually. He said they had a nice celebration dinner. Howard said he was getting messages from Vinnie and Rob Burnett the whole night. They were just trying to calm the fuck down though. Howard said he didn't want her doing more of that but now they're going out to California so she can do more.
Howard said he's grateful that Dave was nice to Beth. Robin said he's nice to Paris Hilton. He said that he should be nice to everyone if he can be nice to Paris Hilton.
Lisa was just staring at Howard so he had to ask her to move along. Lisa said she was just waiting for the que. Lisa got to her news preview and said that they interviewed some people about the Hair play and how the people who get naked are in dark lights. They are willing to have people from the cast come up there and do some scenes for Howard. Howard wondered if Diana DeGarmo would come up there. Lisa said she is in the cast. She said that the scene is very dark and it happens very quickly though.
Howard said he got a note from Scott Greenstein who is the head of programming there. He said Scott told him that they're involved with some big chess event. They have 3 of the grand masters coming in there to meet with Scott and he might hang around to meet them. Howard said he would like to meet at least one of the guys. He said he's not sure he'd have anything to say though. He said some of the guys are foreigners so he's not sure what they'd have to talk about. He imagined how that might go and he had very little to say.
Gary gave Howard Scott's title which was ''President and Chief Content Officer.'' Howard had some fun with that for a minute. Howard said Scott told him he can be part of this whole meeting but he's not sure he wants to do it. Howard said he might have to have them hold the meeting between 5 and 6am.
Lisa said they have a story about Diana DeGarmo and how she welcomes Eric the Midget to come and see the show. She wants him to come since he made her such a big name on the Howard Stern Show.
Lisa said that Scott the Engineer will be out DJ'ing again. This time it will be in Atlantic City at Harrah's.
Beth called in and said that Howard's fans are so great. She said that everyone is so supportive and her book (Oh My Dog: How to Choose, Train, Groom, Nurture, Feed, and Care for Your New Best Friend) is doing so well. Howard talked to her about that for a minute and said she was almost in tears because she was so nervous. Beth got in a plug for her book signings. She's doing one in Lincoln Square tonight at Barnes and Nobel and one in Ridgewood, NJ tomorrow at Book Ends.
Howard told Beth that Ass Napkin Ed beat off to her that night. Beth didn't seem to know who that was. Howard told her that Ed has his own bathroom now so there's nothing to worry about.
Beth told Howard she's going to be wearing a red outfit on Jimmy Kimmel's show. Howard said she should walk out naked. Beth said she's going to be on Regis and Kelly this Wednesday. He let Beth go a short time later.
Howard said that Beth was really shaken up about the whole thing. He said that there are people out there who bash the shit out of her. He said it's torturous.
Lisa G said they have a story about the Softball game that the Howard Stern Show team played. Taylor from TSS-Radio was the sponsor of the team and he was there. She said that the team won their first game and they play their second one tonight.
Howard took a call from Vinnie Favale (HereafterMusical.com) who said that they tied with Leno the night that Beth was on. He said it's tough to do a show like that and Beth did fine. Howard said he told Beth that she'd do fine. Howard said Vinnie sat with her the whole time to make sure she was okay.
Howard said Vinnie scared her when he told her that Thursday nights are their biggest nights. Vinnie laughed. He said that Beth is awesome and she's like a different person there on the stage. He said she was funny and she was playing it as comedy. He said he thought she was terrific.
Howard said he doesn't need that kind of stuff going on because he had to calm her down. Howard said he's not sure why anyone wants to do that. Vinnie said that Beth was great. He said he wanted her to know that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was in a store with Howard's parents and she wasn't sure if she should talk to them or not. She said she was in the yogurt shop that they go to. Howard said that they go there every day. The caller said it's really good.
Howard ended up doing an impression of his parents talking about their yogurt shop trips. Howard had his mother talking about the kind of yogurt she likes and what his father Ben likes.
Howard said he told his parents that frozen yogurt isn't good for you. He said his parents don't care. He said he guesses that's fine since they're in their 80s. He said they might as well enjoy it.
Howard asked Robin what phony phone call she wanted to hear. He had the Brutal Master prank call the guys made to play. He played that one since Robin wanted to hear it. This was actually a Jack and Rod Show bit that Sal and Richard did using clips of Howard talking to Will the Farter as Brutal Master. They went to break after that.
After the clip Howard and Robin talked about that call and some of the funny parts they liked. Howard said he liked when the guy threatened to leave his show to do a network show. Howard said that's like Meg Griffin doing her own thing when she does radio. Howard said he actually got a note from her the other day after they did a rap about her.
Howard said that Meg has to be near his age or older and he doesn't know why she's keeping up with new music. He said she goes through the new stuff and tries to find the next gem. He said that's wild to him. He can't imagine that she does that and keeps up a relationship. He said he likes music but he doesn't seem to care that much about new music that no one else cares about. Howard said Meg couldn't stomach working at a stations that had a playlist. He said that's why she worked at some of the stations she's worked at where they let her do her own thing.
Howard said that it was impossible to get Meg to read any live commercials because she'd find something to complain about. He said she's a woman of conviction. He said he thought her parents were rich but she says that they weren't. They had horses though so Howard figured they had some money. Robin said she and Meg used to bond over the horse thing.
Howard said Meg told him about a song from the Carolina Chocolate Drops that he might like. Their album was ''Genuine Negro Jig.'' Howard said it sounds racist to him. Fred checked his system for that but he didn't see that album. Howard said Meg told him that Peter Wolf was another one he should check out. That album was Midnight Souvenirs.
Howard said Meg is married to the music. Fred found some of the Carolina Chocolate Drops song that he found on YouTube. Howard let it play a bit and read some notes about the band. Howard said he wasn't sure what the hell it was. Fred said it sounds like something you'd hear in the subway. He said getting excited about it is nuts. Howard and Robin were kind of liking it though.
Howard and Robin talked about Meg and how she doesn't seem to have main stream tastes. Robin said she should be consulting for movie soundtracks or something. She said this song they were listening to would be good in a movie.
Howard said he made it all the way through that new song. He asked Fred to look up the Peter Wolf stuff too. Fred checked for some of that and found that it was listed under country music. Fred played some of his music. Howard wasn't sure he could handle being around Meg's house. He said that she's cool because she listened to everything but it's just weird to him. He said the weirder it is the more she'll be into you.
Howard said he remembers hearing Meg's radio show and he can't imagine she actually likes that shit. He said she didn't think he was cool at all because he didn't know any of the artists. Howard said he was into whatever was being played on WPLJ at the time. He said he liked the top 40 stuff and not the wacky stuff she was playing. Howard said that's why he'd never get anything off of her.
Howard said he had a clip from the 700 club to play. He said he's not sure why people are into that. He said some guy started screaming during the show. He played the clip and in the middle of the show this guy started yelling out stuff about abortion and Pat Robertson was talking over him so no one could hear what was he was saying. Pat was sounding kind of sleepy until the guy started screaming. Howard said he would have interviewed that guy. He said he must not have been so happy about the 700 Club. Howard said he had to take another break after that. Howard said that Mike Tyson was on The View so he has to play some of that stuff. He said he wants him to come on this show but he's apparently afraid to. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and told Fred his taste is so commercial. He said he's glad about that. Fred said he wants people to keep listening. Howard said that song sounds kind of like ''Are You Experienced.'' Fred said he does like that older music. Robin said people complain that he's kind of derivative but it's good stuff.
Howard said he doesn't know why but this book ''Off the Set: Porn Stars and Their Partners'' intrigues him. He said it's pictures of porn stars at home living normal lives. He said it's weird but he likes seeing them in that setting. Robin said it's like seeing Jenna Jameson being interviewed for Entertainment Tonight. You see her being a mother and it's just interesting.
Robin said Jenna was on that show saying that she can forgive Tito for what he did but he'll have to come in saying that he's very sorry or something like that.
Howard said he was reading about how the writers of Lost are saying that they're not going to tie up all of the loose ends. Howard said that makes him so angry. He said that's why he gave up years ago.
Howard said he was reading about how the soda companies are telling people how to be heart healthy and that pisses him off too. He said they're all praising themselves for getting into this health thing and they're actually praising themselves for getting their own products off of school shelves. He found that to be kind of odd.
Howard said on the Diet Coke web site they give you tips on how to be healthy but they don't tell you not to drink their product. Howard said no one listens anyway but it makes them look good.
Howard said he read about a TSA worker who got x-rayed at work and one of his co-workers made fun of him for his penis size. The guy beat up that co-worker and got arrested for that.
Howard read that his book ''Private Parts'' is now in brail. That's what he thought but then he read that it was digital so the blind can hear it.
Howard said that Neil Patrick Harris was saying that Simon Cowell is irreplaceable for American Idol but Howard Stern might be the one guy who could take his place. Howard said he did his rap on that earlier and said that the show has already been run into the ground. He got into it a little more.
Howard read about how Rhode Island has made it legal for 16 year olds to dance at strip clubs. Robin wondered what the hell is going on there.
Howard said that John Hayes is retiring. He said he hopes he's being forced to retire. Howard called John the incubus when they worked with him at WNBC. Howard read some of the details about John retiring and how he's probably going to stay up in Canada. He's living in Toronto right now.
Gary came in and told Howard that John is making some crazy amount of money up there. Howard said he's glad he's staying up there in Canada. That's the one good thing about that story.
Howard said Jackie is the poster boy for self destruction. He said he could never figure Jackie out. Howard said it blows his mind that he walked away from that job there. Howard said Jackie had no clue how much money he was making there. He said he was great at it too. Howard said Jackie was hung up on what he was making, not about what he was making himself. Howard said Jackie didn't know what he was going to do in show business. He thought he could just ''punch up scripts'' the rest of his life.
Howard did his impression of Jackie as he was talking about the stuff they used to discuss. Howard said that this guy Babaloo Mandel used to punch up scripts and Jackie thought that's what he could do. Jackie must have read about that guy and thought he could do the same thing.
Howard said he knows for a fact that Jackie can't believe what he did. He said that he can't knock his movie career since it's going so well. He played a clip from ''The Wicked'' that he's played many times before. That's where Jackie is talking to a couple of guys and filling them in on who he is and what he does. The acting was awful. Howard quickly got off that subject though.
Howard said it should be clear what's going on. Ralph said the show is great. Howard said Ralph is friends with the creator of the show so he has to say this. He said he's never seen a bunch of horse shit like that Lost. Robin said she got hooked in again this season.
Robin asked Howard if he prayed like he claimed he was going to. Howard said Beth asked if he wanted to go to Temple on Friday and he said not that night. He said he can't go this coming Friday night. He might go the following Friday night. He said he could do it at home but he thinks being in Temple would be a better place to do it. He said if you buy into the prayer thing you have to do it right.
Howard said he saw some atheist web site and they're bummed out that he's praying. He said he's at his wits end in his life about something and he's very upset about it so he's going to go pray for this someone else. He said it's not even for himself. He said he knows it's ridiculous but he's going to give it a try. He said if it works he's going to be converted. He said he's going to try every religion and whatever works is what he's going to go with. He said he has tried the St. Anthony prayer thing and that worked. He said he prayed to St. Anthony for his sunglasses to come back and they did. He said he had lost them and it had been 2-3 minutes after he dropped them. He said he reached his hand down into the water and they were there.
Howard said he got over his cold over the weekend so he's afraid that if he goes to the gym today he'll get sick again.
Howard said he's going to get some new headphones made but they have to come and take moulds of his ears. He said he can't stand scheduling stuff. He told Gary maybe they'll do it tomorrow. Gary said it takes 10-15 minutes. Howard said maybe he'll do it tomorrow then. Gary said that they have this stuff they put in your ear and leave it there for a few seconds and then take it out. He said that he and Fred had it done.
Howard asked Fred if he ever uses his headphones. Fred said that he does use them with his iPod. He said that the cord is too short so he can't use them at work. Fred said that he was going to ask them to help but they're not really with them anymore.
Robin said she may have to get them done too. Howard said she should do it after him. Howard said his ears are killing him with the headphones. He said maybe it's not good to have them in your ears for that long though.
Gary said that you don't have to turn them up that loud because they're so form fitted. He said that it could save his hearing.
Howard played some more clips of Mike talking about how he can't stop cheating on his girlfriend and wife. He said that he's totally broke and destitute too. He said that he has an awesome wife and kids though. The audience was clapping for him after that. Tyson went on to talk about how he doesn't even deserve to have a wife and kids like that.
Howard said it has to be tough on the wife when Tyson runs out of money. He said it's kind of sad. He said that Mike was also talking about how he's raising his kids not to fight. He played that clip next. In that one Tyson is saying that he doesn't know how to raise his kids but he's trying. Tyson said he tells his kids not to fight. He said he doesn't want him to even stand up for himself, he just wants his kid to walk away. Robin said that might not be the right advice.
Howard said that whole thing got him depressed when he saw it. He said Tyson wasted all of his money on tigers and houses and stuff. He wondered what he can do to make money now. Robin said he's making personal appearances. Robin said he still does things like that.
Howard said it's good that he has the tattoos on his face. That keeps him recognizable. Howard said that Michelle Bombshell McGee had her face tattooed too. He said it's crazy when a guy does it and even crazier when a woman does.
Howard said not all sponsors are on every day. He said that they have a lot of sponsors who aren't on every day like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to take issue with Robin about her movie charity. He said that she's going on and on about the charity and even reports on it during the news. He said that she skips a lot of details in the news too. He said that Robin seems to be trying to fix her ''black image'' by doing this stuff. Howard cut the guy off and said that it was getting boring. Howard said Robin gets her stories from various sources, she's not Lois Lane going out and digging up her own stories. Robin said she gets them all out of the paper or online. She's not trying to make them her own.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been doing a Gary the Retard impression for years. He demonstrated that for Howard. He kind of had it down. Howard said it was close. The caller said that Gary was on Miserable Men one time and Bob Levy thought he was fake so he hung up on him. He thought that was pretty funny.
Howard had this guy Seven on the phone and said that he's the guy who used to go on MTV and crash the shows. Gary corrected him and said that was Sixx, not Seven. Howard didn't know who Seven was but the guy was snoring on the phone. Howard read that the guy was willing to do anything to plug his book on the show. Howard said maybe the book is about Sleep Apnea.
Gary corrected Howard about the Sixx and Seven thing again and asked if he wanted to talk to Seven. Howard told him that he had him on the phone. Howard said sometimes he thinks that Gary is asleep back there. Howard said the snoring actually sounded nice. He said he'd like to be asleep like that right now. He listened in to the snoring for a couple of minutes.
Howard said it's kind of cool to change your name to a number. He wondered what his book could be about. Howard said the guy has been calling in for about 8 days straight now and he finally picks up on him and he's sleeping. He said he thought he was the other guy too and then it turns out he's not that guy Sixx. Howard said he thinks what happened was that he was watching Letterman with Brian Williams on and that knocked him out.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that guy was probably laying in bed waiting for him to come on and he just fell asleep. He said that's happened to him twice.
The caller asked Howard if he's eating Beth's ass yet. Howard said he would but she's not into it. The caller said he has to ease into it and it'll work. Howard said he really doesn't think it's going to happen with Beth.
Howard asked Steve some more about the ass eating and then asked Fred if he has ever done that. Fred said he's never done it either. He said he's not sure his wife would be into it. Howard asked Robin if she's ever had that done. Robin said she thinks she has but she's not saying who it was. Howard figured Jim Florentine would do something like that. Robin said she's not mentioning any names. Howard asked what the guy did and found out that he was giving her cunnilingus and he went down a little further. She said that she wasn't really looking for that but when it happened it was okay. Howard said it would be weird. Robin said it was a little strange but she wasn't against it.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he's ever done that. Jon said he hasn't done it either. He said Robin might be alone in that there in the studio. Fred was doing his Jim Florentine impression as they talked about that.
Howard said it was probably Penn Jillette that did it to Robin. He did an impression of Penn doing that and barked like he does with his Cousin Brucie impression. It was almost the same impression.
Seven woke up and told Howard that he wrote a book about his career in the music industry. He said he had an interesting life so that's why he wrote the book. He said that he was a producer and an engineer. He wants to come on the show and promote the book and he's willing to do anything to do that. Howard asked what he knows about the people he worked with. He worked with Vanessa Williams and Busta Rhymes and people like that. Seven gave out a web site ExileInRosedale.com. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that's like Scott the Engineer writing a book. He made up some stories that Scott could write about and showed how boring that might be. He did his impression of Scott for a few minutes. Fred got in on that too.
Steve said that Artie Lange has written a foreword for Sid Rosenberg's book. Howard said he got a nice call from Artie complimenting Beth. He said it was just a message and he wasn't able to get back to him about the message. He said that everything has been disconnected so he wasn't able to get back to him.
Steve said that high Pitch Eric is working as a greeter in the Hard Rock Cafe in Yankee stadium now. This is also the one year anniversary of the Baba Booey pitch at Mets stadium.
Gary came in and said that High Pitch is working as a greeter but he's not sure what his job is other than telling people that they can't take glass out of the restaurant and saying hi when people come in.
Howard had Jon Hein run down his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down some of the stuff they were going to talk about today. They went to break after that.
Howard said he wants to see this Joaquin Phoenix movie ''I'm Still Here'' that was shot when he was acting really strange. He said that they say that they're not sure what to do with the movie. Howard said he might buy it. He'd like to see it. Howard said they're saying that it has a lot of male frontal nudity in it and there's someone taking a dump in it too.
Howard said that he thought the appearance he made on Letterman when he was shooting this thing was the best he's ever seen. Howard read more details about the movie and what it's about. Joaquin went out trying to become a rapper and they're not sure if this was a real documentary or if it was an elaborate performance art piece.
Howard said he wants to know what the deal is and he thinks it could be a blockbuster. Howard said he has to see it. Robin said it could turn out to be not as great as you'd expect.
Howard had the audio clip of Joaquin acting really strange on David Letterman's show. He played some of that audio where Joaquin didn't really have much to say to Dave during the interview. He was acting very strange but Dave had some fun with it. Joaquin was on to announce he was leaving acting. Dave talked to him about how great an actor he was. Dave joked around with him and said he hopes he reconsiders and comes back to acting. Howard said he could listen to that all day long. He said that movie can't be bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to thank Howard and Beth for putting that book (Oh My Dog: How to Choose, Train, Groom, Nurture, Feed, and Care for Your New Best Friend) out because it's helping him out already. He said he wasn't going to have his dog spayed but the book convinced him to do it.
Another caller said that he ordered Beth's book and the book is awesome. He thought it was going to be garbage but it turned out to be great. He said he was wrong about that and he had to admit it. The guy said after the got it he found all of these small things in it that happen with his dog every day. He said he wanted to see if it sucked just so he could call in to fuck with him but he can't do that now. Howard said he's very proud of what Beth did.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked him about growing up in that strict household and why he grew up a rebel the way he did. Howard said he's not sure how it happened. He said he has this tremendous anger in him and he kind of knows what that's about but it could have turned out the other way and he could have ended up being like a veal. Howard also talked about how he could get attention by annoying his parents so that was his way to get the attention he required. He said he needs attention constantly. He said he found that he could get that from his parents. It all worked out though and now he's where he's at.
Robin read about the Lawrence Taylor rape case and how it turns out he was with a 16 year old girl in the Bronx. Howard said they say that even if you don't know the girl was 16, you're still prosecutable for child rape. Robin said that's right. Everyone could claim they don't know the child's age if that were the case. Robin read more about that story and the 16 year old claims that Taylor was the one who paid her 300 bucks and her pimp was the one who dragged her into the room to have sex with Taylor.
Howard said he's heard the pimp is really a bad ass guy. He allegedly beat the 16 year old girl. Robin read that Taylor's attorney is saying this is a set up. His wife is saying the same thing. Howard said he hopes this isn't true. He said L.T. has been on the show a bunch of times and he's told some great stories. Howard said he would quiz the girl on 80s TV shows if he was with someone he didn't think was of age. Robin said Taylor could get up to four years in prison if he's convicted.
Ralph called in and said he listened to all four hours of the Mother's Day special they ran yesterday. He said the whole thing was great and they left him wanting more.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about a woman who crashed into a female motorcyclist and killed her because she was doing her nails while she was driving. Howard wondered why anyone would admit to doing something so stupid. He said that the woman should have said she was just distracted by something. Howard said that he would never admit he was polishing his nails. Robin said she probably figured she had to fess up because nothing else would explain it.
Robin read a story about Playboy and how they're constructing a web site for the work place called TheSmokingJacket.com that will feature scantily clad women instead of nudes. Robin said they're trying to make it something people can look at while at work.
Howard said he still likes Playboy but he really doesn't even look at the pictures. He said he reads it for the articles now. He said the girls are so airbrushed now that it's like looking at a plastic doll. Howard said that he's turned into ''that guy'' who reads it for the articles.
Robin read a story about how they're trying to pass a law to outlaw bestiality in Florida but the whole thing kind of collapses when they try to get it through.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what male staffer there Howard would like to have a threesome with Beth. Howard said he doesn't want to have a threesome with anyone there. Robin told him he had to pick or the world would end. Howard said in that case he'll say no way to Benjy. He said he wants High Pitch Mike Morales. He said that's exactly who he wants in bed with his wife. Howard said Fred would be creepy and Gary would be disgusting with his ape-like ways. He said he's probably like an animal in bed. He said he doesn't need his wife enjoying that. Gary said he'd be eating her ass while Howard watched.
Howard said he might let Jason in there because he's so fat that he'd be repulsive. He wouldn't let Will in there because he's good looking. Howard said he might let JD in there but he's a little perv. He said he'd love to see JD nude too. Howard said he thinks he's just stick with Jason or Mike. He said Sal and Richard are definitely out. He said they're just gross. The guys threw out some other names of guys working there and Howard was saying no to everyone. He said that he might let Medicated Pete in that mix. Then he took Pete out and said it was just Jason and Mike. Then he took Jason out and just left Mike in there.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a couple that was accused of trying to sell their baby for $6,000. Howard asked what kind of baby it was. Robin said the baby was from Salt Lake City, Utah. She said that should tell you something. Howard figured it was a white baby. Robin read the details of that story.
Robin read about a mother who ran over her 1 year old when she didn't see her playing in the yard with two cousins. Robin read that the mother ran over her in the grass.
Robin read a story about a woman who was a mother of 15 and she left her 3 year old at Walmart and didn't realize it for a couple of days. Howard said having 15 kids is disgusting. Robin said they have removed some of the kids from the home while they investigate. Howard said anyone who has 15 kids is mentally ill. He said that 3 should be the max.
Robin read that BP has tried to stop the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico but it didn't work. Howard said it was a big metal box. Of course it didn't work. Howard said it looked like a K-Mart shed. He said they sent the metal thing down there and they weren't able to get it lowered enough to get it over the leak. Robin said they're trying to stop the gusher in other ways. Robin said they're going to try to inject golf balls and chunks of rubber and then concrete into the leak.
Howard said he thought there was some kind of fail safe way of stopping it. Fred said there was but they had it removed and Dick Cheney had something to do with that because of the cost. Robin read that it's going to cost billions to clean up the mess there. She had some details about the things they're trying to get built to stop the leak.
Robin read a story about the terrorist attempt there in Times Square and how they're trying to get a law passed to revoke citizenship for anyone who becomes part of a terrorist organization. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about what they'd like to do. Howard was talking about using terrorist bodies to soak up the oil in the Gulf. Fred had some weird Indian music playing so Howard said that's the kind of music Meg Griffin would play. They also threw in some Little Lupe audio clips too. Howard said he loves that chick.
Robin had some more audio clips to play about the whole terrorist thing. Howard said we need to kill someone. Robin said we can't go off half cocked and start killing people. That's how we end up in wars. Robin had some audio of Joe Lieberman talking about the situation and that led to Howard saying that Joe made it the official Howard Stern Day when he was working up in Hartford. Howard said he later condemned him.
Robin read a story about President Obama's cancer panel and how they're looking for ways to stop preventable cancers. Robin read some details about that. Robin said they're almost saying we should go back to the way of the Amish. That led to Howard talking about how they have an Amish woman coming in tomorrow. He said she's a model.
Robin read a story about the number one name for girls and boys being used. Isabella and Jacob are the most popular.
Robin read about the stock market crash the other day and how they're saying they don't think it was a cyber attack. They're saying they're looking into what caused the Dow to drop the way it did.
Robin read about Seal and Heidi Klum renewing their vows the other day. Howard said he was talking to Beth about that. She said that it was silly. Howard said she convinced him that it was kind of silly. Howard said it is romantic though.
Robin read a story about Katy Perry being named the hottest woman alive. Howard said he's not sure about her being the hottest but she is kind of hot.
Robin read about rap star DMX getting into trouble and not being able to get on Celebrity Rehab. Howard said there's no way they can pass this season. He said it was great. Howard said the guy from Alice in Chains is a mental case and it was fascinating to watch. Howard said Tom Sizemore was great on the show. He said he's coming in soon too.
Robin had some audio of Russell Crowe talking about his new movie. Howard played some of that audio and told him to shut up after listening to a little bit of that. Howard played some audio of another actor talking about working with Amanda Seyfried. Howard said that chick is hot in the movie ''Chloe.''
Robin read that Iron Man 2 made $133 million in its opening weekend. Howard said he hopes that they make a third one. He told Jon to stick with that franchise. Robin had some audio of Mickey Rourke talking about working in the movie. Howard let that play a little bit but cut off the clips pretty quick.
Robin read about Lena Horne's death too. Robin had some details about that and said that Howard had mentioned that earlier in the morning. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon said that Vinnie Favale means well but it always ends up where he makes the person more nervous. Gary said he suffers from what Vinnie does and that's ''Can't Shut Up-itis'' and he can't let there be dead spots when he's talking to people. His wife has told him that it's okay not to talk once in a while.
Jon said that telling someone it's a big ratings night is kind of crazy. that's basically what Vinnie did to Beth.
Jon asked Gary if Beth's behavior mimicked Howard's behavior after a Letterman appearance. Gary said it may have. He said that it's hard to know how you did when you go on a show like that because you question yourself when you're done.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Beth was kind of programmed at the start of the interview. He said that Dave was acting like he didn't even know who Beth was when she's so much hotter than the other chicks there. Gary said that Dave never showed any interest in her and she doesn't appear to be his type.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that what Gary said about Howard being not so awkward now was kind of strange. He asked what it was that made Howard not so awkward. Gary said this is just his opinion on this. He said he thinks there was a period of time when Howard felt trapped by his fame. He said that now he seems to be enjoying it.
The caller said that Matt Lauer was saying that he knows Howard off the air and he didn't think that we knew about that. He asked Gary if Howard keeps those relationships secret. Gary said that the really doesn't. He'll bring them up on the show.
The caller brought up all of the haters out there and that led to Gary talking about how people have been bashing him a lot lately. He said that there are people who complain about the way he changed his name and how people are complaining about that. He said that there are places he reads that stuff that he shouldn't be reading.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Beth's appearance was all about Howard and not about her book. Gary said that was their choice, not Beth's. They did promote the book too though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought Beth did a good job on the show. He bought the book and read it in a day and a half. He said it was very well done and there was stuff in there that he didn't know was part of owning a dog.
Another caller said that people are forgetting about the pressure Beth was under doing that show. She's not on TV or radio regularly and she did an awesome job. He said that it has to be a lot of pressure being Howard Stern's wife too. Gary said that anyone who is on Letterman is going to have pressure. The caller said she came across as a regular person and she did a wonderful job.
The caller was saying that you have to love everything that goes on with the show and it's enough of the haters. He said if you don't like the show then don't listen. He said that's the end of the story.
Gary said he can look at 10 positive things and then one negative is the one thing that he'll concentrate on. He said he's heard comedians that say they concentrate on the one person in a crowd who isn't laughing. It must be the same kind of thing. Benjy said he's the opposite and he'll take that one compliment he gets from Howard and concentrate on that instead of the 10 insults.
Jon and Gary talked about the Brian Williams segment on Letterman and how tough that was to follow. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that and about the way Howard went off on Amanda Peet today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he'd like to know why Howard is so angry at Amanda Peet. He said there are rumors online that say that Amanda's boyfriend is an ex of Beth's and he may have had Beth fired from a movie that she and Amanda were in. He wasn't sure of the details. Gary said he finds Howard going off on Amanda Peet very entertaining. He said that she was okay in ''The Whole 9 Yards'' but he doesn't feel so bad for her when Howard goes off on her like that.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks he'll be doing Letterman when his book comes out. Gary said he's not sure what shows would want him. He said that he might not be big enough to do that show. He said that if he did it might be terrifying to him if he did get booked on the show. Gary said he thinks he'll get booked to do sports shows since he has a chapter about his Mets opening pitch from last year.
Gary said that his son has even told him that he psyched himself out of that pitch. He said he still thinks about it every day. He won't even throw the ball to his kid in public anymore. He said he won't throw a ball in front of more than one person. He said he tries not to throw a ball at his son's games.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Vinnie does that kind of thing to Beth to get them on their toes. He said that Vinnie did that to Artie when he sent that text message to Dana that time. Gary said he doesn't think that Vinnie is doing it on purpose. He said that Vinnie is a great guy and he's just trying to help. He might be one of those guys who talks too much and sometimes it all just comes out.
Jon took another call from a guy who wished Gary a Happy Anniversary for his Mets pitch. Gary said that was funny. He also asked what happened to Mel Brooks being booked on the show and not coming in. Gary said he was in the area but he got sick and then he just wasn't in the area. He said it just didn't work out that time. He said that he'd love to have him in some other time if he's interested. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Sal if he thinks that Gary is an expert. Sal said he might be. Sal said he has done it himself so he might be kind of an expert. Sal said he thinks that there are those who eat ass and those who eat ass and lie about it.
Benjy said he has done it too but then he thinks about the sanitary thing. He said it was hot at the time though. Gary said that the reaction you get is good and it can lead to other things.
Sal said that ass eaters are like people who eat anchovies. You either love it or hate it. That led to the guys talking about how Ronnie the Limo Driver is one who has done it but it didn't come up on the show today.
Jason said that he and his wife don't discuss sex and that's never come up. Gary asked if they've tried everything that there is to try. Jason said they haven't but they don't really discuss it ahead of time. Jason said that if he caught a whiff it could end the marriage. Gary said that it usually starts with a bath or a shower so there shouldn't be a smell down there.
Benjy asked Gary if that ass eating stuff came up during that Pre-Cana thing Catholics do before marriage. Gary said that doesn't come up but they do basically tell a couple they should be on the same page about stuff before they marry. There's also something in the Jewish religion similar to that. The guys talked about that and how some Jewish people take it to the extreme and have sex right after the wedding.
Jon asked the guys about Howard praying and what they think about that. Gary said he's not going to get into that. He said that his wife thinks that he should be more religious than he is. He said that Sal did a communion thing over the weekend and Sal thinks it's all a scam. Sal said the kids are too young to be doing that stuff and that they're pouring so much money into their religion thing. He said that they spent $500-600 on flowers alone for this party. He said that the inside of his house was filled with flowers.
Sal said they had like 80 people there. He said that they didn't invite anyone there from the show. He said his family is big enough and they had to watch the budget. Sal said that they paid about 500 bucks for the tent in the back yard. They didn't have a DJ. He said he just hooked up his iPod to his guitar amp. He said they didn't do any KISS face painting or anything this time either.
Jon asked Sal if he believes he's a religious person. Sal said he believes in something but not organized religion or the church. He said that it does kind of teach you to be an honest person and to be good. Jon said he was confused because he was contradicting himself. Sal said that they just go along with it and he does believe in god.
Jon asked Gary if he's religious. Gary said he's not that religious. He said that he felt it was being forced down his throat. Benjy said that he likes the club part of church. He said it's like two different issues to him.
Gary asked Benjy how many times he went to temple in 2009. Benjy said it was 2 or 3 times. He said it was for the social aspect of the whole thing.
Jason said he isn't religious and he loses respect for people when he finds out they're super religious. He said that he thinks that people have to be dumb to believe in a religion. He said that people who go to church every Sunday are just not people he respects. Jon said Sal believes in the bible. Sal said he didn't say that. He said he thinks that they manipulate the bible. Sal said he doesn't really believe the stories in the bible.
Jason told a story about how the Jews brought in a baptism thing to make money. Benjy disagreed with that and they went back and forth on that for a few seconds.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Fred seems to be laughing at Howard's jokes a lot lately. He asked if he's getting nervous or something. Gary said he's heard that since they got there and he doesn't really hear it as Fred being up to something. He doesn't really hear it. The caller said it's sticking out like a sore thumb to him lately.
Benjy said he thinks that when they got there Fred has worked on a new laugh and maybe he's trying out a new one now.
Jason said he ran into Mike in the hall and Mike said he would take Howard and he could take Beth if they were in that threesome... but then it would be a foursome.
Gary said that he's never been in a threesome but it can never be fair to all three of the people. He said there was a move where this guy begged his wife to have a threesome and the guy finished in like 1 minute and the girls went on and on and on. He said the guy got bummed out after that.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking about the sexual hijinks thing and how Beth doesn't seem to be all that into it.
After the clip they talked about how Howard seems to be okay with Beth not being into those other sexual hijinks. Gary said that sex does get better as you get older. He said when you're young you try out all of the wild stuff and get that out of the way. Benjy said the sex gets better in the second marriage.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he was asked to do the ass eating thing when he did it that one time. Gary said he thought he was asked. He didn't remember so he had to think about it for a minute. He said that it was reciprocal and he doesn't remember how it all came up. Gary said there was a lot of drinking going on. It was a very long time ago too. Gary said he would tell the guy if he could remember. Benjy asked if Gary would get the woman on the show so they could ask her. Gary said he doesn't think so.
Benjy was asking for details about what position they were in. Gary wasn't saying but he did say that they both had a good time and no one was complaining. He said it started with a bath and a bottle of champagne. Sal said ''Thank god!''
Gary said that there must have been a discussion about having sex but not about the anal. He didn't remember though. He remembered the details of the bath but that was about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what they think is going to happen with the Medicate Pete show tonight. Gary said that's the good part of doing shows there. They can experiment with things like that. They can test out a show like this and see how it goes. They could never do that kind of thing on terrestrial radio.
The guys spent a little time talking about the Medicated Pete show and how Pete is going to be doing that. he's going to do 30 songs and talk them up. He'll be taking phone calls too. Another caller said the show is going to be a train wreck and he's really looking forward to it.
Jon took a call from Wheels who said he was trying to poke Howard a bit today. He said that Beth is like a Ferrari and Howard is only driving her at like 70-80 miles per hour. He said that if he stuck it in the ass Beth probably wouldn't mind it. Gary asked Wheels if he can use his penis since he is in a wheelchair. Wheels said that he can. He said that the toughest part is when a chick gets on top of you and she starts to suffocate you, you just can't get her off. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he's getting fitted for some new in ear headphones tomorrow. Gary said it's actually today. They're Ultimate Ears ear phones. They're going to do that around 11:45 today after the show. Robin is going to get them fitted too.
Howard said he was listening to the Medicated Pete Power Hour. Robin listened last night and said it was very funny because she couldn't understand a word he was saying. Howard said something fishy was going on because it was all a little too tight. Robin said that it was going too well other than Pete.
Howard said he read a live commercial and it was kind of funny. Robin said he started out okay but then it sounded the same as when he was introducing the music.
Howard played some audio of Pete doing that commercial. He was doing his George Takei impression to started it out and he kept doing this weird voice through the whole commercial. Howard said he was kind of into it. Robin said she was too. Howard said it was like he had this weird way of keeping him tuned in. Robin thought he even got tired of his own voice by the end of the show.
Howard said Pete even got confused about the name of his own show and the name of the station he was on. Howard played some more audio of Pete's theme song. Then he played some of Pete just yelling as they were introducing his show. Pete called the show the Tower of Power when it was supposed to be the Power Hour. Pete introduced a song but he was putting on a voice that made it hard to understand.
Robin said they cut all of the songs down so they didn't play all the way through. Howard said some of them were pretty bad. He told Tim to have them cut them down.
Howard had some audio of Pete talking to Ronnie the Limo Driver which was actually just his own impression of Ronnie. Robin said he kept giving out the phone number but he was getting that wrong and giving out the wrong station name. He was saying it was Stern 101. Howard said that was the phone number. Robin said she was confused by Pete.
Howard played a clip of Pete giving out the phone number and saying that he'd be ''remissed'' if he didn't introduce Ronnie the Limo Driver. Then he did his Ronnie impression and had a conversation with himself. The voice was pretty much the same so it didn't sound anything like more than one person was in the studio. Pete had ''Ronnie'' do a song intro for him.
Howard said he liked that. He said he did some comedy there. He took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he thought Pete was rockin' that shit and he did a good job. Howard said he thought he did too good a job. He said it can't be that hard if Pete can do it. King said that's what he thought. He said he wanted to turn it off but he wasn't able to. He said he likes that kind of music too so he kept it on. He said he loved it and his daughter loved it too. He said that he was playing all kinds of music and it was good. King said people were calling in to hate on him and he'd just say thank you and hang up on them.
Howard said he had some clips of Pete cutting people off. In one clip Pete was giving the phone number and station name out. Then Howard played another one where Pete took a call from a woman and she was wishing him well with the show. She was giving him advice and then Pete just hung up on her. In another clip a guy was doing a rap and Pete just cut him off, hung up and went into a song. Howard said Pete was kind of bad and good at the same time. He said he could listen to that on Z-100.
Howard cut King off when he was going on a little too much. Howard said he knows what he means about her name. He said it seems like a lot of words. He said he'd like her to simplify. He said that last name is very long and it's a mouth full.
Howard said that Beth had her book signing yesterday and she seemed very pumped up over it. He said she told him about how great the fans were and how great the people at the book store were. He said she's doing another book signing tonight at Book Ends in Ridgewood, New Jersey.
Howard said he got upset that people weren't able to find Beth's book (Oh My Dog: How to Choose, Train, Groom, Nurture, Feed, and Care for Your New Best Friend) in the stores. He said Beth went to buy some and they'd only let her buy 3 at a time. Howard said that they're doing another printing but he was wondering what they were thinking. He said he has to learn to let it go because it's not his book. He said that's her thing.
Howard said he hates traveling but he's got to go out to Los Angeles. He said he packed last night with Ralph helping him out. He said he had to put thought into his outfits because he's going to be feted all over Los Angeles. He said he's going to pack for pool side and for the Jimmy Kimmel party out there.
Howard said Beth is upset that he's going to be pool side and she'll be working. He said she likes that he can take care of himself because he's such a baby. He said he was able to do that out in Vegas when he went to visit her out there.
Howard said he can take care of himself but Beth doesn't like that because then she realized that she's missing out on the fun. He said she made him not do some stuff so he wasn't having too much fun. He said she wanted him to wait for her.
Howard said Beth heard from Ryan Seacrest who wanted her on the show. He said she didn't have a free minute to do it though. He said she's doing a book signing, Kimmel and Jillian Barberie's show among other things. Howard said he wasn't even going to go with her. He said he's going to be out there but he'll be sitting by the pool. He said they'll go out to dinner after she's done working out there.
Howard said Jimmy has this party planned and it's up to like 100 people now. He said that's going to be the big event out there. On Thursday night they're going to do Kimmel and then they're going out to dinner. He said he's going to be miserable because he's flying out and then going to Jimmy's show and then out to dinner. He said it's going to be a very long day. He hopes he can get a nap in but it may not happen because he'll be all worked up.
Howard said he was at the psychiatrist talking about all of this. He said he has a deeper explanation for what's going on with his fear of flying. Howard said it doesn't matter hat the theories are because he still hates flying. He said he used to love traveling. He said he wanted to live so now he hates it. Robin said that it hasn't killed him yet.
Howard said he got a call from Adam Carolla who wanted him to come out and see his twins and the house. He said he's not sure why they want him to come to their houses. He said he called Adam back and said he'd see him at the party. He said he doesn't want to see the house or the twins. He said he really doesn't care about the kids. Howard said they'll get together with Adam but he's not going to spend that much time with him.
Howard said they're all set up out there. He said they have one night free out there. He said they're there on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. He has no plans on Friday. Then he said that he's having dinner on Friday but he doesn't know where yet. Howard said that's what Beth planned with Jimmy so they're doing that thing on Thursday night with Jimmy and his girlfriend.
Howard said Natalie Maines will be at the party. Robin said TMZ will probably be camped out waiting to see everyone. Howard said he's going to be worried about not getting enough sleep out there. He said he's going to get crazy over the whole thing. Robin said it does seem like a bit of a planning snafu. She said she always makes sure she doesn't have anything planned for Thursday nights when she flies out. She said it's an extra long day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hates flying too but Beth is so beautiful that it would keep him on the plane feeling alright. He said she keeps getting prettier all the time. The caller asked if Beth is going to run into Suzanna (Stuttering John's wife) out there. Howard didn't answer that and said he knew that Beth was going to get better and better looking as she aged. He said that he saw her mother and grandmother and figured it would work out well.
The caller was asking question after question and not letting Howard answer. The guy said that he'd let Beth shit on his chest. Howard wanted to leave it there but the caller asked if Beth's mother gets after him about having a kid. Howard said they probably would like them to have one but they're not going to. Howard said they like to hang out with people who aren't having kids.
Howard told the guy he wants nothing to do with Stuttering John and his wife. He said his wife is lovely but he wants nothing to do with John anymore.
Howard said he likes to remind people how awful kids are. He said his kids turned out nice but he was a younger man who could put the time in with them. He had to hang up on the caller after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he's going to be on Adam Carolla's Podcast. Howard said he's not going to do it but maybe Beth will. Howard was very irritated by the caller so he hung up on him. He said that the guy kept bringing up Adam so maybe he was his publicist or agent. Howard said he can go download his Podcast and listen to him instead. He said the guy was relentless.
The caller said he's good at promoting other shows but he's tuning in to hear Howard's show and not the other shows there. Howard thanked him and let him go after that.
Howard talked about Tiger Woods pulling out of the game the other day. He said he thinks that Tiger doesn't have a bulging disk in his neck like he thinks he does. Howard said the guy is carrying on too much. He said he thinks he might be done now. Howard said he's obviously got mental issues. Howard said the way he carried on with the women was just too much. He said it's almost annoying to have that much pussy. He said that he'd have to put everything in his life aside to manage that much pussy.
Howard said if you have one girl on the side it keeps you busy. He said he had like 15 women. Robin said it was like 17. Howard said he had a few women going when he was single but even that was a handful. Robin said he has to send out a group text to all of the women. It must have been hard to keep track of everyone.
Howard said Tiger isn't rehabilitated yet. He said he's going to need like 7 years of therapy before he sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Howard talked about how it has to be making Tiger more mental now that he doesn't have the endorsement deals he had before. He said he had all of that money rolling in and now he's got a lot less. Howard said this guy had the life and he blew it. Howard and Robin talked about all of the stuff this guy had.
Howard said the whole country could go in the tank because no one is buying or selling the homes. Gary said he got bummed out when he saw that piece. He said a house is an investment and you shouldn't be able to just walk away from it like that. He said that it's not written in stone that a house is going to go up in value. He said we are going to be fucked if everyone just starts walking away from their mortgages.
Robin said that the banks are to blame for the housing bubble. She said that they've been getting bailed out for doing things that they shouldn't be doing and everyone in the country seems to be doing the wrong thing.
Howard and Gary talked about how they were saying that 1 in 4 houses are ''under water'' right now. They talked about how people were in it for the quick hit and things like that. Howard started to zone out on the conversation. Howard said that the country is going to get screwed. He said they can't just loan people willie nillie.
Robin said they're putting ethics classes in business curriculums now. She said that they have to teach people ethics because of stuff like this.
Howard said Hillary Clinton is a real asset to this country. He was reading about some stuff she's been doing. Howard said he was reading about Obama's Supreme Court nomination too. He said some guy said that this woman, who Howard thinks is completely qualified, is not qualified because of where she grew up and where she went to school. She went to Harvard. Howard said he doesn't understand the argument because it used to be a good thing to go to Harvard.
Howard said that growing up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan grow up around a lot of people so he doesn't get why it's a bad thing. Howard said this attitude about people growing up in the North East not being real people is a weird thing. He said maybe it's an anti-Semitic thing. He said he's been all over the country wit his radio show and it seemed like everyone is pretty much the same. He said there are a lot of dummies out there and a lot of smart people. He said that this woman is real and she's worked her ass off to get where she is. Howard said the woman is 5'3'' tall and not a beauty. He said he guarantees that she's seen a lot of real shit go down. Howard said people in New York are from all over the country and it's a big melting pot there. He doesn't get why they're saying this woman isn't a ''real person.''
Howard said they're saying that this woman is the first openly gay supreme court justice but she's never said she's gay. Howard said he doesn't give a shit if she is gay. This guy who has been complaining about her is from Texas. Howard said he knows how real people live there in New York and he saw plenty of them. He said that the guy in Texas is the one who doesn't know real people. Howard said they all look the same and think the same down there.
Howard said everyone in this country is an enemy and we feed off of each other. Howard wondered what the fuck is going on in this country. Everything is so wacky. He said that everything seems so dire out there.
Howard said he can't watch all of Dancing with the Stars. He said he has to record it on TiVo and then fast forward through it. He said he can't watch some of the dancers. He said he hates Niecy Nash. He thought maybe he was racist but maybe it's because she's fat. Howard said he's never watched her. He just can't do it. He doesn't want to see her dance, he doesn't want to hear about her, nothing. He said there is no reason to watch her at all. That's just for him.
Howard said he loves watching Erin Andrews. He said she's supposedly banging the guy she's dancing with and the guy is a flaming asshole. He said she seems whacked out of her skull. He said she's not even that hot but he loves watching her and the Pussycat Dolls girl.
Howard said they got rid of Pam Anderson and they tried so hard to get her on there. He said they finally got her on the show and then the Yentas who watch the show just voted her out. Howard talked about some of the other people on the show and how the women fall in love with the dancers. He said he's not sure how they make money dancing and he doesn't get why these women fall for them. Howard said Erin Andrews is talking about how hot this guy is but he's just a ballroom dancer. Howard said he'd be in good shape too if he danced all day. Howard said he's siting on his ass making a living.
Howard said this Ochocinco guy has the worst taste in jewelry. He said he's getting ripped off with that crap he's wearing. Howard said it looks real tacky and he must be paying a fortune for it. He said he'd given his dance partner a lot of stuff too and it's just ugly. Howard said the guy is going to end up like Mike Tyson if he keeps giving away his stuff. Howard said this other chick, Cheryl, is chubby and he's not sure how that's possible when you dance every day.
Howard said Ochocinco could be doing a lot better than that chick. Howard said he's going to dump her as soon as he gets over the allure. Robin said that they're locked together so that's probably why they're doing it. Howard said he's heard that the guy is banging a lot of chicks. Howard said he should be with the Pussycat Dolls chick.
Robin said this sounds like a soap opera. Howard said it really is and they have him hooked. He said he's really into the show. He said he has discovered that male ballroom dancers are flaming assholes.
Robin said the guy who created the Sybian used to be a dancer. He used to bang all of the women he danced with. Howard said all of the dancers on the show seem to be assholes. Howard said he's completely aggravated and involved with the show. Robin said she wouldn't even know the show is on the air without Howard telling her about it.
Howard said this show is number one in the ratings and that's what people are watching. Howard said Robin is on the bubble and doesn't keep up with the show. Robin said she saw that the new season of the Bachelorette is coming soon. Howard said he's not that excited. He said they picked the worst broad on the planet. He said this girl has an ass the size of a garbage pail. He said she wasn't that great. He said they had better girls they could have picked. He said they had an Italian girl they should have gone with.
Howard said the girl is a nag and a bummer but he'll watch the show anyway. Howard said they sometimes choose unattractive women. Robin said they may be going with a certain type of audience.
Howard said the guy who was the Bachelor was kicked off of Dancing with the Stars. He said he liked that because the guy was a douche.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Ochocinco thing again. They talked about how nuts he is for giving that chick so much jewelry. They talked about the fat chick a little bit too.
Another caller said he can't watch that Niecy Nash chick either, and he's black. Howard said he gets that and thinks she's just annoying.
Howard said he has talked about nothing important this morning. Robin said he did talk about the Supreme Court Justice so she has some hope.
Howard said Robert Downey Jr. is going to call in this week. He said they have this Amish model coming in today too. He said that she's been cut off from her family because she's out in the real world now. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and wondered what Tom Petty is doing these days. He said that he must just hang out and go to lunch, chill out. Howard said there are people he'd love to see in a realty show like David Arquette. He said that the guy sends him clothes all the time and he'd love to see what he does all day long. He said he'd like to see him hanging out with Courteney Cox.
Howard said he got a note from Ron Zimmerman yesterday saying that he hoped he didn't beat him up too bad about the Cher thing. Howard said he wrote him back and told him how he was talking about how brilliant the guy is and how happy he is for him. Howard said Ron was very unhappy and he's happy if he's happy. Howard said his life must be killer right now. He said he's moved into Cher's house. He said he'd pay just about anything to see what goes on there. He said he'd even pay for the interview.
Gary came in and asked how old Cher is. Howard said she's 63 and Ron isn't too far off of that. Gary said he was emailing David Arquette because he's going to be doing Celebrity Superfan Roundtable in a couple of weeks. He said he was on his way to Haiti when he emailed him the other night. It was 3:30 in the morning when he got a hold of him.
Howard said he can imagine Robin running off with the baby. He did an impression of Robin stealing the baby while Fred did his impression of Jim trying to talk her out of it. Fred was pretending to eat Robin's ass as they were talking about that. Howard had Robin spontaneously lactating and nursing the baby. Robin was laughing and said that Howard is too much. She said that he has a better imagination than she does. She would never think of these things.
Howard wondered what this woman has that Robin didn't have. Robin said she's not even wondering that. Fred, as Jim, said he wanted to knock up Lisa G too.
Howard asked Robin why she says they weren't meant to be. Robin said that they were too different. Fred continued with the Jim impression and said he wanted a Menage-a-cougar with Lisa and Robin.
Howard ended up asking Lisa if she has ever had her ass eaten. She said she hasn't had that. Then Ronnie came in and said he thinks that she'd love it. Ronnie is into doing that kind of thing. Ronnie said he thinks that once she had him then she'd want it all the time. Ronnie said that she'd be following him around like a puppy on a leash.
Howard said he'd like to do a movie like Swept Away with Ronnie and Lisa. He said that she'd fall in love with him after he ate her asshole. Ronnie said she's already in love with him. Lisa asked Ronnie what he's been smoking. Ronnie said they all know it in the back office.
Howard asked Lisa if she loves Ronnie. Lisa said no. She said they're so different and they'd never work. Ronnie said they are very different but she's in love with him.
Howard wants Lisa to take a lie detector test and just ask her one question. He said he'd ask her ''Do you want to have sex with Ronnie?'' Lisa said she would say no. Howard said she has to be strapped into the lie detector. Ronnie said she's not in love with him but she is into him. Lisa said that every guy thinks that she wants them. She said that every guy thinks that. Ronnie said he doesn't think that about everybody. He said he just knows it with Lisa.
Lisa said that they'd kill each other if they were a couple. She said Ronnie is such an angry person. Ronnie said that's why she wants him. He said that he'd give her some angry sex and leave the room.
Howard asked Lisa if she's attracted to anyone there. She said she thinks that Steve Langford is a good looking guy. Lisa said she likes everyone there but she's not in love with anyone there. Lisa said she's not going to get strapped into the lie detector test. Howard said he will just ask the one question. He said he'd ask her if she's sexually attracted to Ronnie. Lisa said she won't take the test. She said that she's not in love with Ronnie and she doesn't want to take the test.
Howard thinks that Ronnie might have hit into something. He said that Lisa is refusing to take the test and she must be doing that for a reason. Ronnie said that he wasn't the one who brought this up. He said that she brought him up and he was just out there minding his own business. Howard asked Ronnie what makes him think she's so into him. Ronnie said that it's the way she looks at him.
Lisa was getting angry. Fred said that's the other side of love. Howard asked Lisa if she would rather go out with Ronnie or Steve. She said Steve. Howard asked if she would rather have Ronnie or Benjy. Lisa said Benjy. Ronnie said she's just avoiding bringing him up. Howard asked Lisa about Ronnie or Scott DePace. She picked Scott. Ronnie laughed.
Ronnie said he believes that she's attracted to Benjy. Howard said he's shocked. Robin asked if she would rather have Ronnie or Scott the Engineer. Lisa said she'd have to kill herself. Then she picked Scott the Engineer.
Howard took a call from a guy who told this JAP to stop being such a killjoy. He said that she's really a prude. Howard asked Lisa if she's afraid. Lisa said she's not but she won't take the lie detector test.
Howard had Lisa get back to her news preview. Lisa said that Howard was ranting about Amanda Peet's Letterman appearance. She said that they got a reaction from the writer and director of the film that she was on to promote. Lisa said that she forgives Amanda for what she did but Howard figured that was just spin. Howard said that they can't bad mouth Amanda Pete. Howard said she was doing that fake actress laugh and it wasn't that important to her. Howard said the woman is being nice to Peet. Lisa said that she's glad that Howard has her back though. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard said he has a lot of wacky people there who want to argue with him about comic books. Howard said Steve Brandano didn't go to the Iron Man 2 screening because he wanted to see it with ''real fans'' like he is. Howard said he got an email from someone who saw it with ''real fans'' and they were so annoying that the guy couldn't stand it.
Howard said that there are people who think that the Hulk's name is Bruce Banner but it's actually Robert Bruce Banner. He told the story about how Stan Lee named the character and how he came up with Robert Bruce Banner. Howard said the guy who was cast as the Hulk on the TV show was originally David (Richard) Keel. He said that Lou Ferrigno ended up getting the job because he was more muscular.
Robin said that stuff isn't comic book stuff. Howard said anything to do with the Hulk is comic book stuff. Gary corrected Howard on the Richard Keel name and laughed. Howard said he doesn't care what the guy's real name was. He said he only cares about the comic book thing.
Gary said Steve thinks that he could crush Howard in a comic book trivia thing. Howard said that he hasn't read comic books in years. He said that he's old school.
Steve came in and said he didn't want any of this stuff. He said he just didn't go to the movie and he went to see it with the real fans and it was fun and exciting. Steve said that he did cheer at times during the movie.
Howard noticed that he was wearing a comic book t-shirt and they had Thor, Wolverine and a few others on there. Steve said that Jon Favreau said that he appreciates that he went to see the movie the way he did. Howard told him he's sounding like a douche bag now. He kicked him out. Howard said Steve is now Steve Brandano and not Steve the Intern.
Howard said during the break he's going to fill out his American Idol survey. He said they're taking this survey to find out what people think about the judges. Howard said he thinks that Ellen is a drip and they don't need this survey but he's going to fill it out. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that they have this girl Emma coming in. She's an Amish girl. Howard said he was just learning from Gary about how it's a religious thing. He didn't know much about being Amish. Howard said she's been excommunicated from the Amish because of what she's been doing.
Howard had Emma come in and said that she was looking very cute. He said that what she's wearing would get her kicked out.
Howard said Emma is 20 and she quit being Amish when she was 18. They talked about the Amish thing and this Rumspringa thing that they do. That's where they let their kids go out in the real world to see if that's what they want.
Howard said that Emma can go home but she can't sit at the same table to eat dinner with them. Emma told Howard that's what they call excommunicating. She said that they can't drive with her and she can't sit at the table with them.
Howard asked how the elders know she's not sneaking up and sitting at the table with them. She said they don't know unless they sneak up on them.
Howard asked Emma if she tried to sit at the table. Emma said she knows they won't allow it so she just sits at her own small table next to them. Howard asked if she harbors resentment toward them because they don't just say fuck it and have her sit there with them. She said it is frustrating sometimes but that's just the way it is. She said she respects her parents for what they believe.
Howard asked what being Amish means. She said they don't have electricity. Howard asked what they do for light at night. She said they have candles and oil lights. She said that some people just go to sleep when it gets dark. Howard said that back in the old days being Amish was like being anyone else with that kind of living. Howard said it's very easy to prove now.
Howard asked why electricity is bad. Emma said she's not sure why. She said she doesn't even question it. Howard said they might be right because they say that Wi-Fi might cause cancer and things like that. Howard said it must be weird growing up without that stuff though.
Howard asked Emma how they wash their clothes. She said they have a machine that runs by oil. She said she's not sure why oil is okay though. Howard said the rules seem to be very random.
Howard asked if they have to pray every day. Emma said they do. Howard said that she must be very sexual with that hot body of her's. Howard asked if she was looking forward to that Rumspringa thing so she could go out and find out about the real world. She said she was.
Howard asked Emma if she masturbated when she was growing up. She said that she didn't but she did get curious. Howard asked if she hooked up with a dude. She said she did that at 17. She said the other guy was an Amish kid. Howard asked if she dressed up sexy for the guy. She thinks she was in her Amish dress. She didn't remember.
Howard asked if Emma's parents knew she was going to leave the Amish thing. She said they kind of knew because she was hanging out with her English sisters a lot. She said that she has four sisters who left so she was with them. They have four aunts who left too. Howard wondered why they leave. She said there are a lot who leave these days.
Howard asked what she did when she went to this Rumspringa thing. Emma said she got a cell phone first thing. She said that was great. Howard asked if Amish people are allowed to use tampons. She said they are but not years ago. She said they just accept some of that stuff randomly.
Howard said he thought they weren't allowed to use anything modern and a tampon is modern. Robin said she's amazed they have a machine that washes clothes.
Will Murray grew up around the Amish so he came in and told Howard about that. He said they're allowed to use phones but not in the house. They have phone booths at the end of their roads. He said they can have wheels but not with rubber tires.
Howard asked if it's true that there's a lot of in breeding in the Amish. Emma said she's not sure about that. Howard asked if she has had a lot of guys. She said she's had about 7. Howard asked if the parents knew about that. Emma said she didn't think they did. Howard asked if she was ever paddled or anything like that. She said she wasn't.
Howard asked if Emma is allowed to shave her bush. She said she thinks they're allowed to. She said they did anyway. She said she shaved her legs and everything. Howard asked if she used a razor. She said they are allowed to do that. Howard asked how they know to shave their bush. Emma said it just gets in the way and you just want to get rid of it.
Howard asked Emma how she found out about TV and things like that. Emma said her sisters had left already when she was 7 or 8 so she'd get to see TV with them. She said it was very hard to go home after that. Howard asked if she knew who J-Lo was. She said she didn't. She still didn't know who she was. Howard said Jennifer Lopez and she knew who she was then. Howard asked if she got to watch Full House and shows like that. She said she watched Family Guy and comedies like that. She said she saw King of Queens.
Howard asked Emma what she wears to her parents house. She said she wears what she wants to but she has to wear a dress or long pants. She can't wear shorts. She said she's just showing respect for them.
Howard asked Emma if she would ever got back to that life. She said she wouldn't. Howard said they do have some nice qualities. Emma said she does miss some things.
Howard said Emma is selling her panties online. She said that her photographer, Brian, is doing that. Howard asked how long she wears the panties before selling them. She said she had no idea. She said that he just put it on there so she doesn't know the details yet.
Howard said that Emma would be having lots of kids if she was still Amish. She said she probably would. Howard asked Emma if she's a model. She said she wants to become one. Howard said the web site seems to be kind of porno. She said she is naked on there but that's not what she wants to do. Emma said that it is paying the bills.
Howard asked Emma what she is doing on the web site. He asked if she's showing everything. She said that she does and she spreads her legs. She didn't seem to know what he was saying when he said ''vagine'' to her. She said that she does show things. Howard said it is porn then. She said that she doesn't want to do it again. She said she felt she went too far that time. Emma said she doesn't want to do that again.
Howard asked Emma if she's okay with it. She said she is for now but that's not what she wants to do for the rest of her life. She said she wants to model and hang out. Her boyfriend is an iron worker. Howard asked if the Amish have to pay taxes. She said they do. Howard said it's only certain kinds of taxes though.
Howard said they have a picture of Emma up on his web site. Her web site is NewAmericanPinup.com. He asked if she has seen the web site yet. She said she has but she's not sure what goes on there. She said she'll be making money off of the selling of her panties.
Howard asked if she's masturbating now. She said she doesn't. Emma said she just lets her guy give it to her. Gary came in and said that they sell Shoe Fly Pie and a pair of her panties. That's how she's making money. Howard said that he wanted to see her dress. She stood up and she showed off her ass in the dress. Howard said it was all cut up. She said that it was from Sassy Assy.
Howard asked if they learned anything about the Amish. Robin said that no one seemed to know much about it today. She said even Emma didn't know much about it and she is Amish. Howard asked if her sisters look like her. She said one does. Emma said one looks like Sarah Jessica Parker.
Howard asked Emma how she found out about him. She said that her web site guy told her about him. She said that her parents never heard of him. She said that her father does hear radio once in a while but that's against the rules. She said that he's in a car so he can't really avoid it. She said that he has a driver because he's not allowed to drive. Howard said that's like the Jews who hire people to turn the lights on and off for them. Howard said he could do that. Emma said she can't even drive her parents because she's been shunned by the community.
Howard said he can't imagine the people shunning her just for leaving. He had some fun doing a weird accent and talking about not being able to wash his panties and being able to sell them.
Robin asked if they have indoor plumbing. Emma said they did. Howard said that's weird that they can have plumbing but not electricity. Howard asked if they have a stove. She said they do and it runs off of propane. She said some run on oil. Howard said they have to churn their own butter though, right? Emma said they don't have to. They can go buy it from the store too.
Howard asked Emma if she's living in an apartment. She said that it's a ranch house out in Pennsylvania. Howard said it must be kind of cool watching TV at home. Emma said she can do what she wants and she really enjoys it.
Emma said she lost her job. She got fired because of the web site and that she was coming to the show. She said she was a waitress. Howard said she's being shunned everywhere. She said they were crazy there. They were Mennonites. Howard asked when she's going to get with some normal people. She said that they told her she was good at being a waitress too. She said someone from the tattoo shop down the road may have told someone at the restaurant.
Howard said the shunning is like shaming people and it's just wrong. He said he doesn't agree with trying to guilt someone who is just trying to live her life.
Howard asked Emma if her parents have begged her to come back. She said that they did when she first left. Robin asked if she's happy now. She said that she is and she'd be happier if she was into modeling. She said that she'll just wear high heels if she's not tall enough. Howard said it's not easy to get into. He said it's only for a select few people.
Howard said Emma seems a little depressed. She said she's fine. Howard said he'll call the authorities if she's doing this against her will. She said she's fine.
Howard asked if she ever saw any black people in her neighborhood. She said that there are no black Amish but they did have neighbors who were black. There were no Jews around either. Robin asked if anyone can come in and learn the religion. Emma said they can. She was telling Howard that they use nails and nail guns when they build their barns but Howard thought they weren't allowed to. Robin was confused by the whole thing.
Howard asked Emma if she smokes weed or does anal. She said she doesn't like anal. She doesn't smoke weed. Emma said she likes spanking and hair pulling though. She said she loves oral too. She said she likes giving and taking it.
Howard asked Emma if she's ever had her ass licked. She said she hasn't. Howard told her that Robin loves it. He was shocked that no one had tried it yet. Howard said he would do it with her. Emma said she's sure he would.
Robin asked how she met her boyfriend. She said it was through her sister. Howard asked about her anal experience. She said that it hurt too much and she had to stop. Howard said Robin took it all in without lubrication. Howard asked if the guy used lubrication because Robin didn't. Emma thinks he did.
Howard told Emma to go on America's Next Top Model or something. She said she was thinking about doing that. Howard told her to give it a try.
Howard told Emma she should try going to some modeling agencies. She hasn't had a chance to do that yet. Howard said she should look into it while she's there in NYC. Howard said she needs an agent or something. She said she knows she does. She does have a head shot. Howard told her to get that out there.
Howard told Emma she has nice boobs even though they're not big. He told her not to get implants when she said she was thinking about it. Howard said he likes them just the way they are. He said that models don't have implants.
Howard asked Emma if she goes to clubs and just dances her ass off. She said she used to but not now. She said when she was Rumspringing she was doing that. Howard asked how she learned to dance. Emma did that on her own. Howard gave Emma another plug and said they should use smaller panties than they have on the web site. He said she should stick to a thong. Howard told her to keep her image clean too. He said she has to do that if she wants to be a model.
Howard asked if she knows what guys are going to do with her panties. She said she never thought about that. Howard said that guys are probably going to sniff them and whack off on them. Howard told her to stick to selling panties and not bother with Playboy. He told her to get out there and try to get the modeling thing going while she's young though.
Howard took a call from Sam Simon who said that the Amish have puppy mills and that's their biggest industry. He said that the dogs are kept in the cruelest conditions too. Emma said her family didn't do that. Howard said that they did keep Emma locked up though. Howard said she left because she didn't want to be in those conditions. Sam said he feels bad for her. Sam said that you can Google it and find out more about that. Howard was about to hang up on Sam but he told him to wait and then asked if he had any games to play. Howard let Sam go a short time later.
A caller said that there was a shooting in Emma's town and he wondered if she was part of that. She said she didn't know about that.
Gary came in and told Howard about some of the weird rules the Amish have. He said they have rules about their buggies and whether or not they're covered.
Howard said that Emma is hot and that's the most important thing. Emma said that her sister knows what's going on with her but it's going to be hard to tell the rest of her family. Robin asked if her sisters are still religious. She said they still go to church.
Howard gave Emma some more plugs and wrapped up with her. He found out that she's engaged but Howard said that she'll probably get married and have a couple of kids and then the modeling thing will go out the window. Emma said she doesn't want to have any kids. She said she has a doll that's her kid. Howard asked if she thinks she's going to go to hell for eternity for doing this. She said she doesn't believe that at all. She said that it's all manmade rules. Howard said that dress is man made too. He told her to keep in touch and then wrapped up and said they learned absolutely nothing about being Amish. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said it was nice meeting Emma. He said she wants to be a model and he wants to be an astronaut. He said she is pretty and has a great body. He told her not to get implants though. He said that girls that thin with small boobs are very sexy. When they put the implants in they never look good.
Howard said he was doing an impression of his parents at the yogurt shop the other day and Sal and Richard took the clips and called a yogurt shop. Howard said the girl is completely confused by them. He played the clip and Sal and Richard had him doing the impressions of his dad complaining about the coffee there at the shop. The girl on the phone was trying to help and told them not to put anything in the coffee next time. They had Howard's dad yelling ''Nooo!'' when he'd hear something he didn't like.
Howard said that's what anyone would hear if they spent a day with his parents. He said they're very judgmental and they make Beth think that she's not good enough if she doesn't make coffee very good. Howard did some more of his impressions and had his parents talking more about the blueberries from Chile and stuff like that.
Howard said his parents are very threatened by Starbucks for some reason. Robin was asking him questions as if he were his parents. Howard said his father has this weird thing he does with his mother. He said that he only gives her a little shot of soda instead of a big glass. Howard said she's like Hedda Nusbaum. He said he noticed that when he went to the diner with them. He said she loves it too. Howard said she just takes a small sip and then asks for more when she wants it.
Howard said he's like his parents. He said he's been cursed by them. He said he doesn't eat the same thing like they do but he has had lasagna three nights in a row. He said they do have their favorites. Howard said he's not going to have his favorite restaurants when he's out in L.A. so he's kind of bummed about that.
Howard said he just listened to this promo and Jackie has to say how many shows he's done. He said this is number 172 and he's showing that he's up to 172 like people thought he'd fail or something. Howard said he didn't pick up on it until Robin pointed it out.
Gary came in and said that Howard is the greatest guy for giving Jackie that show. He said that the intern who records the show has to give him a copy of it and the title of the show has to be just right or Jackie gets upset.
Gary said that the whole thing is validation for Jackie. He said that's what the promos are. Howard said they have Jackie's music playing in the promo. He played some of the promo and goofed on Jackie about everything he was saying. Howard said he would never put a show on like that unless it was Jackie. Howard said no program director would let him even do a promo like that. He let it play some more and Jackie was talking about how the show is going to be about boobs and nipples since it's spring time.
Howard wondered how Jackie wants the name of this show to be spelled. It's ''What a bare a dits'' show but he wasn't sure how Jackie would want it spelled. Howard played more of the promo where Jackie and Ian announce the number of the show. Howard goofed on Jackie some more and said he's the best. Howard said that's Jackie's Joke Hunt.
Howard said Jackie has the intern make 8 copies of the show to give to people. Fred said that may be more people than are listening already. Howard said Jackie wanted several interns to work for him. He said he always wants something. Howard asked who the intern is. Gary said his name is Patrick and he's in there every morning.
Howard had Patrick come in so he could ask him some questions about Jackie. Fred played some of Jackie's music and Howard sang along to it.
Howard asked Pat about the copies of Jackie's show. Pat said he has to make 8 copies and he didn't realize he could do all 8 at once. Howard told him to say no. Patrick said that Jackie gives him the name of the show and he has to capitalize it just right or Jackie gets upset. He said he hasn't made him do it over again but he does make sure it's perfectly spelled. He said he heard that another intern had to do it over again.
Howard asked if he has to do the Bare of Dits show. He said that one will be on tonight. He said Jackie has to spell it out for him so he doesn't get it right. Howard asked why the show number is so important. Patrick wasn't sure. He hadn't asked about that.
Howard asked Patrick if he thinks he's an asshole or the nicest guy for giving Jackie a show. Patrick said he's the nicest guy. Patrick said he answers the phones and he has to read a joke on the show too. He said he has it written out for him and he has to read it but if you read it wrong Jackie gets pissed.
Howard asked Patrick if he has ever heard that Jackie is shopping the show around. Patrick said he has never heard that. Howard and Fred got into their Jackie impressions and goofed on him some more.
Howard said Jackie came to him asking for his blessing to take his show somewhere else if he found someone to take it. Howard said he agreed to it and said that he'd be happy for Jackie if he fond another spot. Robin said that probably broke Jackie's heart that Howard didn't say that they wanted him exclusively.
Howard said Jackie wanted to do a show so he let him do it. He said Jackie loves doing that show too. Patrick said he really does love it. He has friends who come in and do it and that's why he has to give out the 8 CDs. Howard said he imagines that they just throw them out.
Howard asked if Jackie has his own CDs or does he get them there? Patrick said he gets them there. Howard said they should have Tim Sabean tell Jackie he has to pay for them himself. Howard said they should bill Jackie for all of those CDs. Howard said that would probably make the SIRIUS stock go up. Howard told Patrick to keep up the good work being his spy.
Howard said the guy seems like a nice guy. He let the clip play out some more and said that he seems to have had a real conversion. Jesus must have straightened his ass out.
Howard had Steve get to his news preview. Steve said they have a story about Robin's Howard TV special where they have video from her Guatemala trip. Steve gave some of the details about what they caught on tape there. It starts airing on Wednesday on Howard TV. Howard said he has to see that. In one clip Robin sent her food back twice to get it done right at one place. Howard said he can't imagine what's in that show. He has to see it.
Howard asked Robin how she could send a meal back twice in that country. Robin said they had meat in the food and then they had the sauce on it and it had some stock from the beef on it. She said she couldn't eat that either. Robin said she would have been happy not to eat at all. Howard did an impression of the people down there trying to please Robin and her sending the food back. Fred played Robin's theme song from Guatemala as Howard was doing that.
Howard asked if that was the meal that she had on video that looked like a lump of shit with diarrhea all around it. Robin said that was the one. Howard saw some of the video being shown by the Howard TV guys on the monitor in the studio. Howard asked Robin what she expected that night. Robin said that she told them at the beginning of the trip that she was a vegan. She said she didn't know what was going to be in the meal.
Ralph called in and said that he knows that they must have spit in Robin's food down there. He said they don't even know what Vegan means down there. That led to Howard reading some email about Robin being a vegan but she still buys leather.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed called in yesterday and said that he's moved and the people in his apartment building use shopping carts to crash into each other. He got an email about that too. Howard read one from this guy who was jealous of Ed and his buddies taking HUD money to do that kind of shit.
Ralph was doing an impression of Robin sending her food back down in Guatemala. He was laughing as he did that. Howard was getting in on it too. Ralph couldn't stop laughing at Robin as they were goofing on her.
Steve mentioned that Robin tweeted that she's back to driving again after a long time. She said it's like riding a bike. Howard said he loves Robin's tweets. He said he has to check them out. He read through a few of the notes that she has posted. She hasn't been posting much lately so there wasn't really anything new to post.
Steve said they have a story about Gabourey Sidibe that a newspaper journalist wrote where they say she might be getting a big head. Howard said the guy was basically saying that she was a cunt. Howard said he thinks she's a nice girl. He said he just talked about her weight and now he's the bad guy.
Howard said this guy had written about how Gabby told someone to get away when they asked for an autograph. Robin said when you're fat you're not in the best mood all the time. She said that it wears you down.
JD came in and told Howard about the article and how Gabby had said ''I guess I should thank you'' when someone was praising her work.
Steve said they have a story about who invented the name ''Wack Pack'' and Jackie is taking credit for that. Howard said Jackie seems to remember everything that he came up with on the show. Howard said of course it's Jackie. That led to Howard doing his Jackie impression some more. Steve said they have Jackie on tonight at 7 and Riley Martin on at midnight on Howard 101.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they were going to talk about today. That led to them talking about Emma and how she didn't seem to know much about being Amish or if she's even making any money from this web site she's on. Howard said someone is giving her bad advice.
Jon also brought up the Medicated Pete show that aired last night so Howard played some more clips. He had some audio of Pete doing his impression of Ronnie again.
Robin started her news with a story about Barbara Walters having an operation on her heart soon. She's 80 years old. Howard said she's an amazing chick for 80. They had some audio of Barbara talking about her faulty heart valve. Howard said he hopes he's as spry as she is at 80. He said it sucks getting old. Howard said it would be funny if they actually gave her big breast implants.
Howard had the clip from Dancing with the Stars where the Pussycat Dolls girl was crying. Howard said she was upset about not being able to get her dance down perfect. She was sobbing over this stupid dance thing. Howard said it shouldn't matter to her that much. He said she's a little weird. He said she is hot though. He said she's obviously going to win. She's light years better than anyone else on the show.
Robin read about a new blanket that's out that captures flatulence. She said they call it the marriage saver or something like that. Gary said he had the commercial for the blanket for Howard to play. Robin said the ad is on the internet and not on TV as far as she knows. Howard said it's harder and harder to find ads so it's just a matter of time before it is on TV. Howard said it's called the Better Marriage blanket. He played the clip and they say that the farts are harmlessly absorbed into the blanket. Howard said it sounds like it's trapped in there. Robin said it just dissipates. Howard said he should look into it.
Howard said he has been eating so little that all he shits is a couple of pellets. He said he's been using baby wipes on his ass and there's hardly anything back there. He said that he wipes the hairs so they don't have any remnants on them. Howard said if Robin ever licked his ass it would be very clean back there. Howard said he thinks he'd be rock hard for her if she ever wanted him. He said he's pretty sure he could get it in her ass without any lubrication too. Howard had to go to break after that.
After the break, around 10:05am, Howard came right back. Robin asked what he thought about the Lady Gaga appearance on American Idol. Howard said he likes that she covers up her face and he likes her music. Robin said it has caused some controversy. Lady Gaga claims that they edited her performance. She claims that there was a lot more to the act and they cut it out. Robin said they apparently cut out a minute and a half of her performance. Howard said the song wasn't great. He said maybe that's why they cut it down. Robin said Lady Gaga is upset with FOX now because of that. Howard said music shows don't really do that well on TV because it's just too much. Howard said that's why Idol kind of sucks now. He said they make you wait too long for the results.
Howard said that he read that Playboy is jumping on the 3D bandwagon and they're going to do a 3D centerfold. Howard said it can't possibly be good. He imagined what it would be like beating off with the 3D glasses on in the bathroom. He imagined being caught by his mom. Howard brought up David Carradine and how much more of a loser he would have been if they caught him in 3D glasses along with everything else. Howard said it's worthless.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they just closed down the last Sardine factory in the country and they're not going to have anymore here. Howard said they must import them. The caller said that they just shut down the last one in the U.S. and he hopes his father can still get them. Howard said his dad has a stash of them just in case.
Robin read a story about a guy who fell out of his vehicle and got pinned against a concrete wall and died as he was trying to get his mail. Robin said that his wife was in the car and wasn't able to stop the vehicle.
Robin read a story about a 15 year old kid who impaled himself with a javelin. Robin said someone had just thrown it when this kid ran around the corner when he got hit by it. The javelin entered near his hip and came out his buttocks. Robin said the teen seemed to be in shock when he pulled it out.
Robin read a story about a woman who stabbed her boyfriend in the penis while he drove. She stuck a kitchen knife into him when she found out he was dating someone new. She tried to sat that he had sexually assaulted her to get out of trouble. Howard asked Fred, as Jim Florentine, if he had ever gotten stabbed by Robin or had a Javelin shoved up his ass. Jim said he wasn't stabbed but if Robin had shoved the javelin up his ass they'd still be together.
Robin read a story about the woman that President Obama has picked to be on the Supreme Court. She had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin had a story about women's health and had some audio of a woman talking about how stopping smoking is the first thing women should do. Howard said that woman sounded like Robin talking. He ended up doing an impression of Robin telling people how to be healthy.
Robin read some news about a cancer map for the New York area that's being created. They're trying to find out why there are clusters of cancer in some areas.
Robin read about Lena Horne's death and had some audio of some woman talking about what Lena did for the black community.
Robin read a story about a new movie that Queen Latifah is in. She had some audio of her talking about that but Howard cut it off after a few seconds. Robin had some other clips of Ridley Scott talking about working with Russell Crowe. Howard predicted what he was going to say and did an impression of him talking about that. Howard and Fred did that for a couple of minutes.
Robin said that Iron Man 2 was number one at the box office and Scarlet Johansson was in the movie. She had some audio of her talking about that. Howard and Fred were still doing their Ridley Scott impressions as they got to that. Howard said Scarlet barely did anything in the movie. He said that Robert Downey Jr. was the one doing all of the hard work. They wrapped up the news and ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon wondered if there's something she doesn't want to admit to. Gary said he can't believe that Lisa cares as little about sex as she claims. He said that Ronnie thinks he's the bad boy but he's just bad enough for her. Gary said Lisa acts like sex is like washing your hands and it's not that big of a deal.
Benjy said he understands why she doesn't want to take the lie detector. He said she's probably being honest about Ronnie but with the lie detector there can be mistakes and she doesn't want that out there. Benjy said that everyone has certain lines they don't want to cross. He said that maybe the other guys wouldn't want to take a test asking if they were cheating on their wives. Benjy said he wouldn't care about anything like that but Lisa may care about that whole thing.
Gary said Lisa won't participate in anything. He said they tried to get her into the talent show and she wouldn't play her violin. Jon said he sees what Benjy is talking about but there is no downside in all of this. Benjy said she may not want to be stuck with that whole thing though. He said other questions might come up and she may not want to answer them.
Benjy said that he didn't know that Tom C. over at K-Rock was a good looking guy. He said he's the same way with Will Murray. He said maybe he doesn't know that about Ronnie. Jon asked if it surprises Gary that Ronnie has so much confidence. Gary said that's just Ronnie.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he has patched things up with Tracey. Gary said things are still rough but they're going to patch things up today. He thinks that they'll be all done with it after today. He said he didn't get a chance to sit down with her last week so he's going to do it today. Gary said they've been nice to each other lately but they have to get it out there and finish it up.
The caller asked if he'll take her skiing next year. Gary said he'll show her the house and if she still wants to go with 3 other guys then maybe he'll invite her.
The caller asked where they go skiing. Gary said it's in upstate New York. He said he hates to drive so he stays kind of close. He said he'll only drive about 4 hours max. The caller told him he hopes that things work out with Tracey.
Jon asked Gary if he feels obligated to invite certain people now. Gary said it will probably be in the back of his mind not to exclude anyone whose feelings could be hurt. Jon asked if he would invite Sal and Richard. Gary said they don't seem to be interested in skiing. Benjy said it would be nice to be invited but it's also nice not to have to go anywhere.
Gary asked Benjy if he skis at all. Benjy said he has. Gary said maybe he'll have to invite him sometime. He said that Scott the Engineer is on the list but they always forget to put him on it.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he had to make some comments about Lisa G and Ronnie. He said that if it is true that there are feelings there then he's going to have lesser feelings for Lisa. He said his feelings toward Ronnie can't go any lower than they are though. Gary asked who Ronnie should be with. The caller said he should be with himself and no one else.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Lisa about Ronnie and asking why he wouldn't take the test. Lisa said that they're so different and the answer is no.
Jon said that Ronnie was very confident in that clip. He was saying that it would be a yes if they tested her. Jon asked who else has been an odd couple. They mentioned Ric Ocasic and his wife Paulina. Benjy jokingly said ''that woman who was just on Letterman...'' (Beth).
Jon said that she was choosing everyone other than Ronnie when Howard was asking who she would go out with. The caller said he hopes he wakes up from this nightmare and it just ends.
Ronnie came in so Jon asked him what makes him so sure that Lisa is into him. Ronnie said he just has a feeling. He said he's good at recognizing that kind of thing. Ronnie said it's very hard to tell with Lisa and he's not even sure if she's into guys. He said he's never seen her go out with anyone.
Ronnie said that if Lisa was so set on not being into him then why not take the test? He said she seems to think that they're going to lock her down or something and that's just not what it's like.
Ronnie said he thinks that Lisa is very into Benjy too. He said she's always asking him questions about where he goes and what he's doing. Benjy said he's secretly been wearing Mambo lately. Ronnie said she is into the mambo too. Ronnie said Lisa is really hard to figure out.
Ronnie said he and Lisa have been going back and forth for a long time. Gary asked if he's ever fantasized about her or if she's ever made the rotation. Ronnie said he has thought about doing her a few times. Jon asked how that plays out. Ronnie said it's a bad boy thing where he just walks up to her and tells her it's time. He said he'll take her out to dinner if she wants or whatever. He said they might meet up at a hotel or something. He said they'd be overlooking Central Park.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Lisa is into Ronnie because he's like Super Jew but he downplays it. The guys talked about how Lisa might not even stick to dating Jews. Ronnie said he thinks that she's the kind of chick who will come out sooner or later and just start dating.
A caller asked Gary if he had taken Richard's advice and sniffed his balls yet. Gary said he hasn't done that yet and he was just out on a run yesterday.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie if he would go out with Lisa even if she wanted to use a dildo on his ass. Ronnie said he would do that. Ronnie said he has never done that before. That led to how Lisa had brought up this ass eating thing and how Ronnie was brought in during that discussion because they thought he was into it. Ronnie said Lisa likes to include him in stuff like that. He said she does that with a lot of people and he gets this crazy vibe with her.
Jon took a call from a guy who was very hard to understand. The guy was saying that Ronnie is the one in love with Lisa and not the other way around. Ronnie said he would bang Lisa but he doesn't want to date her. He said he wouldn't rape her or anything but he wouldn't want to date her for a long time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie and Lisa would be a nice couple. He said that Gary should hook up with Tracey too. Gary said he's married though. The guy said that there's something going on there. Ronnie said he doesn't get that at all. Gary said he doesn't get it either.
Will came in and said that Ronnie is out of his mind. Ronnie told him to get out of there. Will said he was told to come down there. Will said Ronnie thinks this about a lot of women. Ronnie said that's not true. They argued about that for a couple of minutes. Will said he doesn't think that Lisa is into him at all. He said she's kind of prudish to begin with and she just doesn't want to be bothered with the whole lie detector test.
Will was busting Ronnie's balls about his glasses too. He had changed back to his old ones. Will figured he couldn't take the heat of Howard goofing on him about his other sunglasses.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Lisa is only interested in Howard. He said that Howard tries to pawn her off on other guys but he's the only one she really wants. He said that's the question they should be asking her on the lie detector test. The caller was going on and on about Lisa and the lie detector test. He said it's not that big of a deal. Gary said they got the idea and cut the guy off. He was doing a whole monologue about Lisa and Robin.
Will said he doesn't think that Lisa is sexual at all and there's no way that she could handle Ronnie sexually. Ronnie asked what that meant. Will said it was a compliment to him. Ronnie was asking Will what he's talking about because he was bringing up this ass play thing. Ronnie said that he's up for just about anything. He has had vibrators near his ass before.
Jon took some more calls and let some guys go off on Lisa and Ronnie. One guy asked Ronnie what he would talk to Lisa about after he banged her. Ronnie said she could do a news story about the whole thing.
Ronnie was saying he wouldn't take Lisa back to her own apartment. He said he would get a hotel room overlooking Central Park. He said that he had one girl that he was with and he had to get out of her apartment as fast as possible after they had sex. Ronnie said he thought it was going to be the greatest thing in the world but it turned out to be bad.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Lisa isn't a first day panty dropper so how much time is he willing to put in with her. Ronnie said he thinks it would happen right away because she'd know that's what it was all about. The caller said he'd have to work at it. Ronnie said she's not a little kid so she'd know what it was about.
Another caller told Ronnie he's crazy. He said that there's no way she's into him like he thinks she is. Ronnie had to cut him off and get out of there. He said that JD came in there and he didn't want to be part of that. Ronnie said he didn't want to get into it with him. JD said the last thing he wanted to talk about was Ronnie and Lisa having sex.
Ronnie said he's sure that JD and Will talked about what he's going to say so he's going to leave. JD said he didn't plan anything. He said that the person who called Will into the show wasn't him. He said Teddy called him in there. He didn't have anything else to add to that. They spent a minute going back and forth on that before Jon went to break.
JD said he loves seeing Ronnie get worked up. He said he likes to get him riled up a little bit. Ronnie said he speaks very clearly when he's talking about him like that.
JD said that Ronnie was all worked up about the Medicated Pete show. Ronnie wanted to know what he thought about that show. JD said that it was Pete doing some weird voice. He didn't know what to think about that. He said he didn't know what to think of it. He said it was like Pete and a song and it wasn't a long, drawn out thing like a car show. Ronnie said maybe he should do a music show like that then.
Jon asked Ronnie if he was upset about losing the show. Ronnie said it's done and ''whatever.'' He said he's not upset about it. JD said he is upset about it. Ronnie said JD couldn't wait to say that his show was boring. JD said that he was backed into a corner on that one.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks about Pete's impression of him. Ronnie said that's not him and he doesn't have the voice down at all.
Jon asked Jim McClure if he knew that they were saying the show was over produced. Jim said he can see that but the idea was to show Pete where everything was and let him play it all. He said they just designed a top 40 show. He said that he would have produced it less if it was up to him. He said that he wasn't in charge of it and other guys were. Jon said it definitely sounded like a top 40 show. Jim said that the visual is what was missing. Jim said the voice that Pete was doing was just his radio voice. He may have been doing a character but Ronnie said that's the same voice he puts on in the hallway when he's being interviewed. JD said he'd like to know why Pete doesn't do that voice on the air with Howard.
Jim said that Pete was really worn out after the first break. He said Pete was bright read after the first couple of songs. They had practiced for about an hour before the show. Jim said that he wasn't able to hear anything in his headphones and it turns out they weren't even plugged in. He said he did that for a good hour.
Ronnie was saying that the dress she had on today was really hot though. He said that she had dimples above her ass and that was really hot.
The guys talked about how weird it was that she didn't know much about the Amish when Howard would ask. Ronnie said maybe she was afraid to answer.
Ronnie had to run out after that. Jon asked JD if he thought she was hot. JD said she was very petite. He said he wasn't really into that. He said he likes them a little thicker. He said she was cuter in person than she was on the web though.
Steve was in the studio so he said he didn't want to just yell at Howard. He said that Howard gets pissed when he gets comic book questions right. He was saying that if someone doesn't know who Frank Frazetta is then you have no business talking about comic books. Jon asked why he didn't say that today when he was in the studio. Steve said he didn't know that the guy had died. He just found that out.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie had ever scoped out Lisa G's apartment. Jon said that it does seem that he's thought a lot more about her than he's even letting on. JD said he doesn't get that whole thing because he doesn't find Lisa G attractive or sexual at all. He said he's not sure she's even had a sexual thought. He said that she may not even know the last time she had sex.
Ralph called in and said that Ronnie is completely delusional. He said he's 165 million percent delusional. He said that Lisa has none of that going through her head and Ronnie is out of his mind. Ralph said Lisa just doesn't want to go down that road with the lie detector test because she's a news woman. He said she thinks it's silly. JD said he thinks she thinks that she's higher than that and she doesn't need to do things like that on the show. They goofed on Lisa a little bit about that and how she thinks that she's an ''entertainment powerhouse'' as she says on her web site.
Jon said he thinks that she could put an end to all of this buy just doing the test. Ralph said he just doesn't think that she wants anything to do with the silliness of the show.
Ralph said Steve claims to be this big comic book guy but he didn't know that Frank Frazetta died but he should have known. Steve said that doesn't change his expertise in comic books. Ralph said his expertise isn't all that big. Steve said he's not that knowledgeable in the comic book world but ''around here'' he's an expert. He said he doesn't know anything compared to comic book nerds. Ralph said this is a stupid argument.
Jon asked Ralph what it was like packing with Howard yesterday. Ralph said it was fine. He said it's going to be nice out there for Howard and Beth. Ralph said he's not going but he wishes he was. He said he loves L.A.
Jon asked how the packing goes. He had 3 minutes to kill so he asked Ralph to help there. Ralph said he's not going to tell him all of the details. Ralph said he hates packing himself. He said he has a lot of decisions to make. JD said he doesn't care when he packs. He just packs enough to fit into the overhead bin. Ralph said it looks that way too. He said he should think more about it before he goes out in public. JD told him to go fuck with his iPad more and leave him alone. JD said he has to get up at 3 in the morning so he can't look all made up.
JD said that Ralph comes in looking like Yul Brynner or something. The guys got a laugh out of that. JD said that's the first name that popped into his head. Ralph said goodbye and said he was going to go shave his head so he can look like Yul Brynner.
Jon and JD finished up the show by talking about Robin sending back her meal twice down in Guatemala. Jon asked if that's a rude thing to do. JD said he doesn't know if sending it back was wrong. He said that he'd just deal with it. He said he doesn't want to be on Robin's bad side in that. He didn't want to say it was rude. JD said he won't even send back the wrong meal at McDonald's if he gets the wrong thing. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how busy the show was going to be today. He said that it was good on paper.
Howard said that Robin has been tweeting again a lot. you can find her on Twitter at Twitter.com/Rqui. He read that she had a couple of exciting meetings. Robin said she had a meeting about social media and how to get the charity stuff out there. She also had a meeting about a web site and some other stuff she wants to get out there. Howard said that sounds horrible to him. Robin said she had fun so it was great for her.
Howard said Robin was a major discussion at therapy yesterday. He said he was caught up in the whole Guatemala thing. He doesn't understand why anyone would want to go down there. He said his shrink told him that many of his patients have gone down there and enjoyed it. Howard thinks they're all nuts.
Howard said the woman had to put the cotton in his ear and then had to poke it in there. He said it hurt so much he was worried that she did some damage. Howard said the cameras weren't on him for that. Robin said they got her.
Howard said he was all freaked out by the whole thing. He said he let her do the other ear after that and he didn't even know who this woman was. He said he didn't know for sure if she was really an audiologist. Fred said he had no pain when he had his moulds done. Howard asked Robin if she had pain and she did too. Howard said he asked Gary if he had pain and he told him he didn't. They had a different person. Howard said Gary said they didn't have cotton put in their ears either. Howard said all he knows is that he's very neurotic and he's thinking he doesn't hear well.
Howard said he had a real bad day after that happened. He said that anything that changes makes him nuts and he forgets that he made the decision to get the new headphones. Robin said that maybe his father was like that too and he inherited that. Howard said he went into this funk all day because of that. He said he wondered why he got fitted for the ear phones. He said he was sure they had damaged themselves. He said he BBM'd Robin and asked how her ears were. She was fine.
Howard said he's fine about it now and he's looking forward to trying the Ultimate Ears. He said he has this obsession that he won't be able to get them out fast enough if the volume goes up. Robin said he can just pull them out if the volume goes up. Howard said he knows that. He had the woman showing him how to use them and he knows how to put them in and all of that.
Howard said in the next week they're going to be getting the new ear phones. Robin forgot to have her's customized with the 15 Foundation logo. Howard is going to have the Howard 100 logo on his. Howard said Robin will be done with that charity in a month. Robin told him to stop it. She has a major announcement coming up soon. Howard said they should close it down and move on to the next thing.
Howard said he can take a good thing and ruin it. He said that's what was going on with the ear phone thing. He said Fred didn't have any cotton put in his ears and he was kind of upset about that. Fred said he thought the stuff was going to leak into his ear and they wouldn't be able to get it out. Howard said everything is a disaster for him. He said that's why he doesn't want to go to Los Angeles.
Howard commented on the song as it was playing. He said he can hear Leslie West singing along with Cyndi. Howard then turned on his Autotune and sang along to the song. That ended up knocking out his mic for a minute. Howard came back and said that he thinks Leslie could have done it. it turns out the guy singing wasn't an old black guy like he thought. Howard said she should have done it with him.
Howard said Cream did a cover of Cross Roads and it was the best. He had Fred play that version. He said that's something right there. He said he used to play that to upset his mother in his bedroom. He said that was his way of rebelling.
Howard wanted Fred to play the original Robert Johnson version of the song but Fred wasn't able to find it. He thought he'd have to get it from iTunes. He eventually found it under a different name. It was Cross Road Junction or something like that. They listened to that song for a minute. Robin asked who heard that and thought it would be a good song. Howard said Cream did. He said that Zeppelin did that with a lot of old songs. Howard said the only thing missing is spoons and a washboard. Fred said it was missing Autotune too.
Robin imagined Scott saying that he checked it before the show. Scott came in and said that he has no idea what a limiter is so the guy is right. He said he wears clown pants too so he has no idea. Scott said he does have a limiter and he already has it. He said that any headphones can get hot so he's not sure what this guy is talking about. Howard asked Scott why he doesn't set the limiters on their headphones now. Scott said he has a volume control that he can control. Scott said you can't govern it completely. Howard said he'll talk to someone else about it then.
Howard said he had to replay something he played yesterday. Robin reminded him that he was reading her tweets too. Howard said he knows that. He moved on to replay the Sal and Richard prank call to the yogurt shop. In that call they used clips of Howard doing his parents voices as they talked about what kind of coffee and yogurt they like.
Howard said that these people always get confused when they use his voice calling as his parents. Robin said that his voice passes for a woman too. Howard said that's true too. Howard said that they seem to understand that they're old people too.
Howard said his favorite part of the other one, when they call the heating place, was when the woman said that she was ''freaking out.'' He replayed that prank call too.
Howard said that really freaked the woman out. He said that does sound like his parents though. Robin didn't think they were that close. Howard thought they were.
Howard read some email about how Rosie O'Donnell's assistant was saying that Robin wasn't returning her phone calls. Robin said she just spoke to her yesterday and the reason she wasn't answering is because her number was showing up as a random number. She said she has set up another date with Rosie. Howard said that Robin is going to be talking to Rosie about losing weight. Robin said that she's not about losing weight, she's about being healthy.
Robin said that corporations are changing the rules about food and consumers don't have any say in that. Robin said they're trying to loosen the rules for what ''organic'' food is and she doesn't want that. Howard said Robin wants them to step in and set up rules so she knows exactly what she's getting. Robin said that even if she grew her own food she might not even know what kind of seeds she's getting.
Howard read some more of Robin's tweets and said that she must like this attention she's getting over it. Robin was talking about the food thing again and Howard said he thinks that she's latched on to something and she's making this big for herself. He did an impression of Robin talking about being the secretary of food and leaving the show. Robin said she's not leaving the show. Gary said something is going on there.
Howard had Robin talking about apples and how it's actually a man made piece of shit. Howard asked Robin what else she was up to on Facebook. He heard that she was setting up a fan page. Robin said she did that too. She said it was the first time she had ever seen her fan page. Robin said she was all hopped up about the social media thing after her meeting.
Gary asked Robin if she read her bio on her Facebook fan page. Gary said that if she wrote it she's the biggest narcissist in the world. Gary read that quote and it said that she's setting up her own ''queendom.'' Robin said she didn't write that. Gary read about how she lost 70 pounds on this vegan diet and she's working on a food bill of rights. Howard said that's what she was tweeting about. Gary said the personal interests were funny too. He read some of those and goofed on her about that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Robin seems to be on some kind of wacky thing and she eats a lot of ''real'' food herself and she's got to stop with this. Robin tried to explain it to her but Mariann wouldn't stop talking so Howard hung up on her. He said she just filibusters.
Howard said this feels like something big is happening to Robin. Robin said that something big did happen to her. Howard said he respects what she's doing but this just isn't his thing. He said he hopes she gels with Rosie but she's going to have to sit through this story and her eyes will be rolling. Robin said she's not going to tell stories. She's going to answer Rosie's questions. She said she was asked if she wanted to go to Nyack to meet with Rosie and she said no way to that. She said she's not that interested in telling Rosie her stories. Howard said that would be quite a trip. Robin said she'd need a plane to go up there. Howard said she probably has a nice place up there.
Howard said he's really happy for the guy. Howard said he knows the feeling because he's in a happy relationship with Beth. He said he hopes Ron has the same thing. They played some of Cher's music and said that Ronnie is a big fan of Cher too. He said Ronnie probably wants to sniff Ron's hand.
Howard said Ronnie was on the Wrap Up Show talking about how he wants to bang Lisa G. He's serious about that too. Robin said it does sound like he really wants it to happen.
Robin said Howard does have one free night out in L.A. so maybe he will get to see Ron. Howard said he's pretty sure that won't happen.
Howard said the publicist told him that they were very tight that night so they just couldn't make it happen. Howard said that they'll have some lame ass celebrities there. Meanwhile he'd be fun on the red carpet. He said he's also a real fan of the Sex and the City stuff. He said he loves Belzer but he'll be there with his dogs and he'll rush right out of there.
Howard said he could probably find some people to bump from the list of guests at that movie premiere. He said he's going to get that list to see who they can't bump to make room for one more ticket for him.
Howard had some clips from the interview he did with Larry's wife Shawn last year. He played those and Shawn was denying that any of the cheating stories were true. Howard said he believed the stories at the time. She was yelling and screaming ''Eww!'' when Howard asked about anal with that guy she was allegedly cheating with.
Howard played another clip where Shawn was asked about Larry having Al Pacino show up to meet them to impress her. Howard told Shawn that was the lamest thing in the world. He figured that didn't impress her but Shawn didn't seem to think it was that bad.
Howard said that was a creepy story. He said that Larry must know he's famous and doesn't need to impress anyone with Al Pacino. Howard said that Shawn is kind of hot and if Al had come along she'd probably be banging him instead of Larry.
Howard played another clip where Robin asked if there was any pre-marital sex. Shawn said no. She said that's why they got married so quick. Howard played some more clips where he was asking how they met and how long they dated and all of that.
Howard said she also revealed that she had no pre-nup. He played that clip too. Then he played a clip where Shawn was saying that the guy she was allegedly sleeping with was an ugly guy. Shawn said he had love handles. She said that he had a tummy button.
Howard said that if she was turned off by that guy then she must vomit when she sees Larry. Howard said maybe Larry doesn't have love handles. He said he doesn't think there's anything on him. Robin said he has love straps.
Howard played another clip where Shawn talked about Larry being a good lover. Howard asked her if she was allowed to have other lovers. She joked that she was allowed to do that on Thursday's only.
Howard said he thought that was fun to revisit that with the new allegations being out there. Howard said she must figure that Larry is dying in the next 2 years. That way she'll get all of his money. He had to go to break after that.
Gary said that this is something new and he didn't do this for the past 4 and a half years. Tim said he's just trying to make sure he's got everything he needs. Howard got back to the live commercial he was in the middle of and finished that.
In the second live commercial Tim was still in there. Howard said he thought he had subtly told him that he didn't need to be in there. Tim said it wasn't so subtle.
After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a call in show complaining about their landlords (Same one played yesterday). Fred also played Kings of Leon ''Use Somebody'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and talked up the song as if he were Cousin Brucie. Howard did his Brucie voice for a minute and had him barking the song intro. He wondered if they'd be able to make another great song like that too. He said that one was really good. Robin asked if they had any other hits on that album. Howard said they hadn't and this one was such a great song. He said there are a lot of bands like that who have one hit song and that's it. He said that they had the coolest sounding band on the show one time and they had just one hit. It was that band Hum and their song ''Mars.'' Howard said they were acting like they were the Beatles when they were on the show. He said they had to put the drummer in the hall because the studio was so small at the time. Robin said they all just walked out when they were done.
Gary came in and said the song sounded terrible because they wouldn't budge on how they thought it needed to be set up. Howard said the song was so cool too and he thought that they were going to be huge. Howard said he may get them to play a bar mitzvah. He wondered if they're even still a band. He played the song ''Mars'' and said that it really was a great song.
Howard read that the band hasn't been active since 2000. He said they treated him like a shit head when they were in there and he was trying to help them out. Howard said he didn't even know what the song was about. Howard listened to it for a minute and said it makes him think of his mom for some reason. He's not even sure why. Howard said he's glad they didn't go anywhere. He said they were just being little snot's when they were in there. He wanted to give them the speech about
Howard played the audio from the show where L.T.'s wife was talking about what went on with her husband. She did sound a little bit like Gary Coleman. The wife was defending her husband and saying that if the prostitute claimed to be 19 he wasn't going to check her ID.
Robin said you do wonder who marries Lawrence Taylor and that was her. Howard played some more audio of her being interviewed about the arrest and being shown some pictures. The wife was saying that she would kick his ass if he really was cheating. Howard was surprised that they can't even say ''ass'' on that show. They had beeped out that word.
Howard said they had a clip from The Insider where one of the hosts said that Sandra Bullock's kid was going to be the future coolest kid in America. Howard said that was a weird statement. He wondered why he would think that he's going to be cool just because he's the son of Sandra Bullock. Howard said maybe the guy was off script or something.
Howard said Ronnie thinks he has a chemistry with Lisa or something. Howard said Ronnie is like a little kid when it comes to that. He said he's the most immature old guy he knows. Howard said Ronnie thinks Lisa likes him a lot. Lisa said ''no thank you.'' She said Ronnie thinks he can change her and make her into his woman. She said that's just not happening.
Howard said he had to thank the fans for going out to see Beth in New Jersey yesterday. He said that people were opening up about their pets and it was a great experience for Beth. Howard said he knows that Lisa is covering her today. Howard said that was nice. She's going to be in Regis and Kelly today. He said she's enjoying the whole thing so far. They're going out to California on Thursday for the West Coast part of the tour.
Lisa said that sounds like so much fun. Howard said it doesn't sound like fun to him. Lisa said it sounds like fun going to Jimmy Kimmel's place and going to Cher's house. Howard said he's not actually going to Cher's. He said that was a joke.
Howard said Beth asked him to go to L.A. with her and he agreed but ever since then he's had agida and stress. He hates traveling. He said if he could teleport he'd be fine... maybe. He's going to be neurotic the whole time and obsessing about the time difference. He said he doesn't know how to just enjoy himself.
Howard said Beth has so much to do that she's worried that he's going to be having fun while she's working. Howard said she wanted to cancel something so she could be with him and have fun. He said she's been asked to do Ryan Seacrest, Wendy Williams and some other shows. Howard said Wendy is there in New York though. He said he's just going to be her support system.
Howard said he has a whole list of stuff he has to bring out there on his trip. He said he's bringing enough stuff to keep him busy for 6 years too. He said he was trying to figure out how to stuff his hat into his bag but he'll have to wear it out there. He said he has to pack all of this shit to go out there. He said that he has a garment bag, his purse, a regular suitcase and a bunch of other stuff.
Howard took a call from Yucko the Clown who said he's eating better now and he's going to take a dump on her 15 Foundation t-shirt. Robin thanked him for buying the shirt. Yucko said that it's very soft and he thinks it's 100 percent cotton so he's going to use it to wipe with. Howard said he was surprised that Yucko even has a credit card. Yucko asked Robin to play him a song on her legs ''you moon cricket.'' Howard hung up on him after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that band Hum has their appearance on his show listed as one of their big media appearances. He said that they were also on Beavis and Butt-Head and they were asked to do a song for the X-Files but they refused so the record label dropped them.
Howard had Lisa get to her news preview. Lisa said that Emma the Amish Model was the number one search on Google for a while yesterday. Her web site also crashed from all of the traffic. Howard said he thought she was pretty hot and she had some body on her. He said he's not sure if she's a model since she's selling her panties online.
Howard read some email about Emma and the fans were saying that she seems to be waiting to be used and abused. The fans didn't like that she didn't know what was going on with her web site and how much she was making. There were other people who didn't like her voice. They said she didn't have any spark. There were others who thought she was like Wendy the Retard and they could have Wendy fill in for her next time she's booked.
There were also some emails about Sam Simon's comments about the Amish and their puppy mills. There were people saying that they have to stop knocking the Amish lifestyle too. Howard said he wasn't knocking it. They were trying to learn more about it and Emma didn't know much. They found it wrong that they were shunning her just because she had left to live in the real world.
Howard read an email from someone explaining why the Amish do some of the stuff that they do. The guy said that the whole idea is to stay connected to your home base and not make things easy.
Howard had Lisa get back to her news preview. Lisa said that they have a story about how Generation Y is affected by Howard Stern according to a study that was done. She had some other names on that list.
Howard said there was a lot of mail about Lisa G too. He read some of that stuff and fans think that she really does want Ronnie and it was very obvious yesterday. One guy told them to give Lisa an F, Marry Kill of the Pope, Hitler and Ronnie. Lisa had a tough time with that. She said she would have to fuck Hitler, marry the Pope and kill Ronnie. Howard said that's shocking. Lisa would fuck Hitler over Ronnie.
Howard read some more mail about Lisa and one guy said that Lisa is in love with Howard and not Ronnie. She's afraid that someone is going to ask her about that. Howard said he would understand if that's the way she's thinking.
Lisa said she's heading over to Regis and Kelly and asked if Howard had any messages to send along. Howard said she can just say hello for him.
He said that Ellen is just weird. Kara is just weird and there's not enough Simon Cowell. He said he thought the kid who did that ''Mrs. Robinson'' was okay. He said he wasn't sure if he had any audio clips available. Howard said there was one guy on the show who is big and fat and wears tight jackets to show off his ''muscles'' but it's just fat.
JD told Howard he didn't have that musical performance but he did have some Jamie Foxx audio clips. Howard said that whole thing was really weird. Jamie was telling the kids how to look at the audience. He said that they come across as real assholes when they mentor these kids. He said that Ellen really doesn't know anything either.
Howard read the note he got about Lupe's dog and how she found it dead on the floor when she woke up. Howard said that she asked for them to mention it on the show. The dog's name was Perito.
Howard played the Little Lupe and Big Foot phone sex prank call that Sal and Richard did. They used clips of Lupe on the show to have phone sex with Big Foot.
After the replay Howard said there was one thing in there where Big Foot sounded like a train wreck. Robin said that he was making weird noises too. Howard said he loves that Big Foot and Little Lupe. He said he was sorry to hear about her dog too. Howard said he's thinking Little Lupe this morning.
Howard said that Betty White was good on SNL this week. He finally watched it and it was funny because they had her saying dirty words. He said they should make her a regular cast member. He said that someone on Facebook got SNL to have her on. He said Betty was pretty funny in the monologue too. He said that she was talking about how the people on Facebook seem like a bunch of losers. He said that someone at 88 being that sharp is impressive.
Howard said there was a video on YouTube of Larry King and his wife at some baseball game. The coach guy goes over and has to lift Larry up because he wasn't able to get up himself. He said it just sucks when you get to that point in your life. He said that you're amazed when any old person is still able to get around. Howard said he doesn't believe that Larry can still fuck that chick. He said he can't imagine what it must be like when he crawls on top of that bitch.
Howard said he's happy with his life right now but this guy Larry King doesn't appear to be able to slow down. Robin said he just keeps going after the thrill.
Howard read some of the article and said that he went through a lot of the show history and talked about how the show has been so influential. Howard said the article was very beautifully written. He said the guy synopsized the whole thing by saying that the show has great interviews and no other interviewer has been able to do what he has done. Howard read some of that stuff and the guy was being so nice. The caller said that's exactly what he wanted to say.
Howard said the guy even pointed out that no one will recognize his contribution but that doesn't stop him from doing what he does.
The caller said he'll understand if he wants to retire. Howard said that he's not sure what will happen but he might have some interesting things planned for his future. He didn't say what they were though.
The caller requested a bit that he hadn't heard in a long time. Howard didn't remember it so he wasn't sure if they'd be able to find it. Howard thanked Mario Almonte for that great article that he just read. Howard said it rhymed with Dell'Abate and that led to a whole argument between Gary, Robin and Howard because Robin said that Gary had said that he had added the apostrophe to his name years ago. Gary said he never said that. Howard said he wants it spelled ''Dell?Abate'' because he's not sure of the apostrophe anymore. Howard goofed on Gary about his last name for a short time. Howard asked if the kids use the apostrophe. Gary said of course they do. He said that's such a dumb ass statement.
Howard said he used to have an email address with a hyphen in it and it was really annoying. He said he can't imagine having to spell Dell'Abate every today. He said that he wants Doug Hurwitt to spell it Dell?Abate from now on. He said he wants that question mark there from now on. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Gary had given them the number for that place. He said that guy was so good at making prank calls. It was Johnny and Kumal who used to do the calls but they didn't get along so they stopped. Gary said they tried to re-form but it lasted about a minute.
Howard said Gary likes to listen to audio books and he had ''read'' one that was really good. Gary said it was by the guy, Bill Carter, who wrote the Late Shift book and he's writing one about the Conan and Jay Leno thing. (Desperate Networks)
Howard said that he watches FOX News and Glenn Beck is really out there. He said he loves the guy though. He said that Glenn screams about stuff and it's nuts. Howard read that he's making like $32 million a year going out and making speeches. Robin said he acts through everything he does and pretends to cry.
Howard said Beck goes off on ''the progressives'' and he thinks he means the Jews. He talked about what he heard and how he never says who he's talking about. Howard said that everyone is a communist to the guy too.
Robin said she was watching Chris Matthews and he had clips of Rush Limbaugh saying that the President is a communist and he's trying to take everything away.
JD came in and said that Glenn was crying on his radio show and TV show about home schooling. Howard said that's weird. Howard said Beck will say something right like the other day when he was talking about how our rights are being taken away with this immigration thing in Arizona.
Howard said he was watching Beck yesterday and they all seem to hate the NY Times there. Howard said that's the only paper you can trust. Gary said that DePace doesn't trust it. Gary said that DePace was saying that the NYU IQ test was a liberal test and it wasn't going to work. DePace said he was half joking about that. He said they are a liberal school but he thinks that their test is fine.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Beth did a good job with her book and he liked some of the stuff she brought up in it. the caller also said that he had to drive all over town to find the book. He said the publisher must have underestimated the power of the Stern Show. Howard said they must have because he's hearing that a lot.
The caller asked if he had a game to play. Howard said he didn't have anything to give away. He apologized to the guy.
Howard said Gary read this book (Desperate Networks) about American Idol so he had him tell them about what he found out. Gary said that no one wanted the Idol show here in the states. Rupert Murdoch's daughter told him about it and he told the FOX people to just sign the show by the end of the day. Then they realized that Simon Cowell was the whole show so they asked him to do the show with them. Simon didn't want to do it because the whole reason he did it over in England was because he wanted to sign people to his record label. The first season Simon only got paid $25,000. It was just a summer replacement show at the time. Gary said that Simon was afraid that no one would even know who he was over here.
Gary said that the show finished as a monster hit so the people at FOX tried to book him for another season. He didn't want a long term contract. They paid him $250,000 for that second season. FOX was frantic by the third season so they paid him $8 million and then $38 million per year the year after that. Howard said the show was very big and that's what he was worth. Simon is the whole show.
Gary told Howard some more stories from the book and Howard spent a few minutes talking about how that show is going down hill fast. He said that he was a huge fan of the show when Paula was still on with Simon. He said that they were a great combo. He said if he was on that show he'd bring that chemistry back with him and Ellen.
Howard talked about how he's not trying to get the job on the show, he's just talking about what he would do. Howard said that if anyone paid him 50 million he'd have to take the job. He said that he'd be a human toilet for that kind of money.
Gary said that he had more stories to tell from the book. He said that was it for the American Idol stuff. Gary said there were some good stories about ''Survivor'' too. Gary said that the show was pitched to a bunch of networks and Les Moonves wasn't sure if he wanted to put it on. He said that Les wanted them to sell their own advertising so he gave away half of the advertising rights. Gary said the show got really big and Les came up with the idea to cram in more ads and he didn't even realize that he was the one who made that deal with Mark Burnett. Gary said that Mark eventually traded in the advertising rights to get merchandising.
Howard said his friend Lloyd Braun used to work at ABC. He was the one who put Lost, Desperate Housewives, Who wants to be a Millionaire, Jimmy Kimmel and a bunch of other shows into production. Lloyd got fired before the shows became big hits. He said he's surprised that no one else has hired Lloyd after that because he was such a good programmer. Gary said they talk about that in this book too.
Jason told Howard some stories about the book too and how Lloyd had tried to get Survivor for ABC and they turned it down. They were also talking about how Lloyd is the voice at the start of Lost that says ''Previously on Lost.'' That was their screw you to ABC.
Howard said that was enough stories from that book. He ended up talking about some books he wanted to read and how he sucks at chess. Howard said he was watching the world championship chess tournament and he was looking at the game that won and he saw how brilliant it was. Howard said the prize was near 3 million bucks too and yet no one watches it. Howard said he could never be that good. He said he can't settle for that either. Robin said that it's frustrating when you try that hard and can't get any better.
Robin said that she hates that she can't sing. She said she tries so hard and it just doesn't work. That led to Fred playing a clip of her singing on Stuttering John's album. Robin said that made her cry the firs time she heard the replay of that.
Gary asked Howard if he has other offers and if he's going to have the heart to keep doing the show. Howard said he could end up doing it somewhere else. He said he would like to stay there if he's going to continue his career. He said he likes it there a lot.
The caller said that she was first on board when they heard that Howard was going to SIRIUS. Howard said he saw Sam Benrubi the other day and he looks great after retiring. Howard said the guy has no stress now and he's looking like he's living a great life. Gary said he's producing a 1 hour wine show now. Howard said that's what he wants to do. Howard said he wants to whine. Robin said it's about wine, not whining.
Howard told the caller he doesn't know what's going to happen in 8 months. She said it's going to go by so quick though. Howard said that it won't go by fast for him.
The caller said that Fred's sound effects are great too and they both love them. She said her husband loves the Jackie sneeze. She said she loves the ''Weee Waaaa'' sound from the Little Rascals. Fred played both.
Howard played one of the ads where Benson is talking about his ''40 foot erection'' which is actually a field goal that he's purchased and put up at his dealership. Then there was a clip of Benson talking about how he's giving up sex to reach his goal of being the number one Hyundai dealer. He also said that now that he's been married for 25 years it's not so hard to give up.
JD came in and said that Brad may have gotten into trouble for saying he'd give Saddam Hussein a free car if he came out of hiding. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has to do a music show one day. Maybe that's what he'll do in 8 months. He said he'll become a music DJ. He said people will wait to hear him say something while listening to music. That's the advice Steve Kingston gave him once. He said that he can't do that top 40 stuff though. He said Medicated Pete was pretty good at it though. Robin said that it's a lot of yelling and yucking. Howard said they also speak very fast. He tried out this own top 40 DJ voice for a few seconds.
Howard said some guys can change formats but he can't seem to do that. Robin said Pete had a way of stopping after every word. Howard said he's probably a shitty voice guy. He said not too many people ask him to do commercials. He said that no one has hired him to be the voice for any big product. Robin said he might be making it look too easy.
Howard said he did get one commercial deal early in his career. He said his delivery was horrible though. Howard said that his voice was up there like Kermit the Frog at the time. He said there were times when he was relaxed on the air and he did some commercial reads where he sounded okay. He said here was a strike going on and he didn't even know it. He said he was asked to do a commercial and he did it not knowing that there was a strike going on. Howard said some ad agency got a hold of his demo tape and asked him to record this commercial for a record. It was for RCA or something like that. It was for a band called Voyage.
Howard said he was probably a scab at the time because of the strike. He didn't know any better. Howard said they liked the way he sounded in the demo tape. All they wanted was him to say ''Take a Voyage with Voyage.'' He said he walked into the meeting and they asked him to do the read. He read it in that awful voice he had back then. Howard said he asked for another chance and read it again. He said they couldn't believe they had hired him. He wasn't able to read it the way they wanted. They used it anyway because they had paid for it. He said he heard it running on some stations like WNEW and stations like that.
Howard said he doesn't get called for anything now. Robin said maybe they think that he's too big for that now. Howard said they have James Earl Jones doing that. Robin said that's all he's doing though so maybe he's more affordable. Howard said he was the world's worst voice over guy.
Howard had some audio from this event and the first guy he played had music playing behind him. He said he was the only one who had the music. Howard said this was like a superstar convention of haters.
The guy was saying that there are things about homosexuality that they don't know about that they should. The guy was asking god for forgiveness for the country and our sexual sins. Howard said that all of these guys sound gay to him and he's not sure why that is.
Howard played another guy who was preaching and quoting from the bible. Howard noticed he had piano behind him too. Howard said it was like a boring convention against gays. It wasn't all that interesting. Howard said they should be more animated and showing pictures or something. That guy was complaining about Dakota Fanning of all people. He was upset with her portrayal of a lesbian. The guy was saying they want to take over the entertainment industry and make good films like the Passion of the Christ and things like that.
Howard said they should just go out and do it then. He said if it's that easy they should just do it. Howard played another one where a woman was going on and on about the sins of this country and how she was sorry that we had a Muslim in congress.
Howard played another clip where this woman was yelling about stuff and going on and on. Howard said she was like their Mariann from Brooklyn. That led to Fred playing some crow cawing sounds during her rant. He also threw in some Sam Kinison yells while that woman was screaming. that woman ended up yelling ''May day!'' over and over so Fred threw in Dominic Barbara's ''Mayday'' call to the coast guard.
Howard said Beth had a good time at the book signing. He said they were all standing around talking about their pets and stuff and it was a good time. Howard said the book is selling well too. He said she's having a book signing out in L.A. too but he won't be going to that one either. He's going to let Beth do her thing.
Howard said that Ronnie is out in the hall spraying the guys with keyboard cleaner. He said that Ronnie has to stop with that. He has to stand out there and act professionally. He said he has to remind him about that every week now.
Ronnie came in and said that he's sitting in the chair minding his own business and Sal came in and sprayed him. Ronnie said that JD is only reporting one end of it. Ronnie said that he was being sprayed and he had to spray them back. Howard told Sal and Richard to leave Ronnie alone.
Sal came in and said that Ronnie was sleeping. Ronnie said he wasn't sleeping. Howard said it's not Sal's job to wake him even if he is sleeping. Richard said they got a tip that he was napping so they went in there.
Sal said that Ronnie was out like a light. Ronnie said he's such a liar. He said that they were in the hall ready to try and get to him. Ronnie said they spilled something on him. Sal said maybe he's leaking, he is old after all. They said maybe his diaper is leaking. Howard told Ronnie to go back to sleeping. Ronnie said he's not sleeping.
Howard asked how he got the job. Eric said he had an interview a few months ago with the GM and he got the job. Robin said she's shocked. Eric said that people are happy to see him and he takes pictures with them. He doesn't shake any hands though so Howard was happy to hear that. Howard said he's vile. He can't believe they hired him to do that. He said it's like seeing a monster before going to dinner.
Robin said maybe they're going for that Disney thing like Shrek or something. Robin said that it's like having your picture taken with their monster.
Eric said he's working when there are games. He said he also tells people they can't bring glass out on the terrace there. Howard wondered how long it'll be before he fucks up the job. Robin said she gives it about a week.
Robin asked if Eric is paying rent now too. Eric said he is. Howard said that isn't a good move giving Eric a job like that. He said maybe they're trying to cut down on the number of people that go there. He said that's what he would do if he wanted to make his business go bankrupt. Eric said they have a big comedy show coming up out in Pennsylvania with Shuli, Ivy Supersonic and Medicated Pete. He said that's what he's doing when he's not working. You can find out more at JewGoneWild.com (Shuli's web site).
Eric told Howard about going to see Beth at Letterman with Double A and Mariann from Brooklyn. Eric was also filling Howard in about Beth on Regis and Kelly this morning.
Howard said he just got a note saying that the dog had just shit on the stage of the Regis and Kelly show. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said it was another dog, not Bianca. She said that it was hilarious. She told Howard that the book is fantastic too. She said she loves Howard and he cut her off in the middle of her sentence.
Gary came in and said that his wife called and told him how funny it was when the dog shit. Howard said he's looking forward to seeing that. Howard said he put a lot of thought into the dress Beth was wearing today. He said he's pretty sure that she wasn't planning on dealing with anything like that dog shitting.
Steve said that Robin's charity will be doing an online auction starting on the 15th. Robin said she'll be working with their old fried Dan Foreman on that.
Steve said they have a story about a fan who saw Robin out jogging recently and he turned around to go say hello to her after she ran by. That led to Howard goofing on Robin a little bit and Fred playing Robin's Guatemalan music theme.
Howard took a call from a guy who told them about the dog shitting on the Regis and Kelly show. The guy told Howard it's a great moment. He said Howard is a very lucky man to have Beth. He said she's beautiful. Gary said that the guy gave a great description and the producers didn't try to get away from it and they kept the shot going. Howard said Beth must have been laughing her ass off at that.
Steve had a couple of other news story previews that he ran through. Howard had a clip of Regis saying Beth's book title wrong. He played that clip and Regis introduced it as ''Oh My God'' instead of ''Oh My Dog.''
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down what they were going to cover today and got Howard talking more about Robin's charity talk and stuff like that. They ended up talking about Robin's dinner with Rosie O'Donnell. Howard said that if Rosie becomes Robin's new disciple then it's going to lead to something really big. Robin said she's not sure when that's going to happen because the date she proposed isn't good for her now. Howard said Robin has to drop everything and just go as soon as possible.
Jon went through some more of his update and mentioned Robin's Tweets. Robin said she just learned how to post pictures in her Tweets yesterday so she'll be doing that now too.
Howard heard that Robin is going to be interviewed for some movie or something up there today. Robin said she's going to be part of a documentary about school lunches. Howard went into his Robin impression and goofed on her about that for a few minutes.
Robin started her news with a story about bad food. She said they predict that Elvis would probably still be around if he didn't have all of the constipation he had. This guy she was quoting was an 83 year old doctor, Dr. Nick. Robin said that he was Elvis' doctor. They had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 10:15am, Howard came right back and had Robin get to more news. Robin read a story about a day that's been designated as an anti-homophobia day. She said that when they sound a horn you're supposed to kiss your mate even if you're straight. It's showing affection in public for anyone.
Robin read about this movie that Joaquin Phoenix is trying to sell and people aren't sure if it was all a scam or a real thing. Robin said they show Joaquin snorting cocaine and getting some hookers. Howard said it sounds great to him and he's thinking that it might be real.
Robin read a story about a man who shot himself and his wife in the head as his wife slept. Robin had the details of that story.
Robin read a story about the Pope. She had some news about a guy by the name of Lord Jesus Christ who was hit by a car. He had his name legally changed to that name.
Robin read about high school student basketball player who turned out to be a 22 year old man. The coaches had recognized him from playing on some other teams from years ago.
Robin read a story about the Jersey Shore TV show and how the cast will be replaced in season 3. Howard said that they seem to be taken with themselves.
Robin read a story about a baby that survived a plane crash. Robin said they're saying it's a miracle. Howard said they should name that kid ''Lord Jesus Christ.''
Robin read a story about the new Prime Minister in England. She had some audio of the guy speaking.
Robin had a story about a woman who was charged with child molestation charges and she was found innocent but she doesn't think of it as a victory. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about that. She doesn't have her kids back so that's why it's not a victory for her. Robin had some details of the story and added some more audio clips to the story too.
Robin read some news about the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico and had some audio of a guy who was on the oil rig when it exploded. He was explaining what was going on and Howard had no clue what he was talking about. Robin had another clip of a guy who was there and he was yelling out warnings to the crew when the fire started.
Robin had a story about some lawmakers that are trying to get the no fly list checking more frequent. She had some audio of a woman talking about how they'd like to get it done 30 minutes before take off.
Robin read a story about Arnold Schwarzenegger talking about why he canceled a speech in Arizona because he was afraid they were going to deport him to Austria based on his accent.
Robin read about how Niecy Nash was voted off Dancing with the Stars. Howard said the chick from the Pussycat Dolls is going to win. He said she's too good. Howard said he found Niecy to be very annoying. He didn't watch one of her dances. He fast forwarded right through every one.
Howard spent a little time talking about the guys on the show and how some of them are kind of effeminate. He was talking about how all of the male dancers seem to be assholes. He said
Robin read a story about human egg donation and asked if they should be paid for. Howard said they should because they pay for sperm donations. Robin asked if he knows what they pay. Howard said they used to pay $75 bucks a shot. He said you can only donate twice a week. He said that they must pay $1,000 now. Howard said they should pay $3,500 to $7,000 for an egg. Robin said one woman donated 6 eggs over the course of 2 years and she made $100,000. Howard said that's about right. Robin said they suggest a limit of $10,000 for a donation and they shouldn't base it on looks or intelligence. Howard said they definitely should. He said he saw online that Wendy the retard's eggs were on sale for 5 bucks.
Robin read a story about the Rolling Stones and had some audio of Mick Jagger talking about their album Exile on Main Street. Howard said every song on that album is good. Robin said they're re-releasing the album next week with some new tracks on it. Howard said they were the best back in their day.
Robin had some audio of Amanda Seyfried talking about a new movie. That led to Howard talking about how she has a tattoo that says ''minge'' which means vagina over in England. Howard said that sounds like a fun girl.
Robin read a story about the new Robin Hood movie that's coming out with Russell Crowe in it. Robin had some audio of Kate Blanchett talking about the movie. Howard said she's not that hot and he'd rather see Amanda Seyfried in that role of Maid Marion.
Robin had a story about the new MacGruber movie that's coming out. She had some audio of Lorne Michaels talking about that. Howard said it's weird what they make movies out of from SNL. He said that MacGruber doesn't really make him laugh. Robin said apparently Lorne likes it.
Robin had some audio of Rob Lowe talking about the role he has on Parks and Recreation. Howard let that one play for a few seconds before cutting it off.
Robin read a story about this guy who changed his name to ''Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.'' Howard said his friends are probably calling him by his other name, Asshole. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon moved on with his list of subjects for today's show and said he wanted to start off talking about Sal and Richard giving Ronnie a hard time today. Gary said that it gets really annoying and he's had to tell the guys to stop doing that stuff. He said he's had to stop talking to important people on the phone to stop them from playing around. He said he's like the dad there.
Jon also talked about how Howard said that he has a feeling that he may not be there in 8 months. Gary said that people haven't even been coming up to him to ask about it lately. Jon said there was a weird vibe in the office but no one was really talking about that. Gary said that they're not sure what it means yet. Gary said he doesn't know what's going on and he's not privy to whatever it is Howard is going to do. Gary said he doesn't know what he's going to do next so he has to decide soon.
Gary said he was looking at a place in the city but he and Mary decided it wasn't a good time to do it. He said if he buys an apartment then you'll know that Howard has told him something. Until then it's up in the air.
Jon also brought up the way Howard was going off on Tim Sabean today. Gary said that you'd think the more Howard sees you the more ''in'' you'd be but that's not the case. He said that Tim was in there holding the book ''Eat to Win'' so that was another thing he picked up on. Gary said it gets very hectic in the studio when Howard is doing commercials and stuff. He said that they all have to take a step back and get out of his face when he's working like that. He said they all avert their eyes except for Tim.
Jon said Tim looks at Howard like he's anticipating a need. Gary said that Howard may have felt bad about banishing Tim last week and he may have invited him back in. He said that may not have been the best move.
Jon said that Robin puts up some stuff that makes you wonder ''where did that come from?'' Gary said she may be building it because people are telling her it's good for her.
Jon said that Robin had posted something about how we need a constitutional amendment to make sure we have ''real food'' available. Gary said that he's not sure how you'd do that with an amendment.
Benjy said he thinks that Robin is going to take credit for apples and oranges and saying that she saved them. He said he can imagine her making a speech and taking credit for that.
Gary said Robin reminds him of a smoker who just quit a month ago who is all about quitting. Gary said there are people who eat differently than Robin does and they're living a healthy life.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks will happen with Robin's meeting with Rosie. Gary said he thinks that Rosie just wants to chat with her because she finds her interesting. Gary said there are people who think it's more than that but he's stupid when it comes to that stuff.
Jon said he thinks that Robin's big announcement has something to do with Rosie. He said that Rosie is going back to TV and maybe she wants Robin on board to be an expert on the show or something like that. Gary wondered if that means that someone is going to have to give her an honorary doctorate so they can call her ''Dr. Robin.'' Benjy said maybe Jon is right or maybe Rosie is staring a The View-like show and she wants Robin on it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how long Robin has been a vegan. They figured it was like 2 years. the guy said that she should be as skinny as a rail by now if that's the case. Benjy said she could still lose another 20. He said Robin might agree with that too. Gary said that she is very healthy and she looks good. The caller said he agrees but she should look like a super model by now. Gary said that might not be her body type though. Gary said that when he was 20 he was at his optimal body type but that has changed. Everyone changes.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he agrees with Robin about the food thing. He said he tries not to eat preservatives and stuff and he thinks there should be an amendment like Robin said. Gary asked how that would work. The caller said that they could have laws that stop corporations from genetically modifying their foods. He told Gary to watch the movie ''Food Inc.'' and that will tell him a lot.
Gary said they shouldn't outlaw foods though. The caller said that they're pretty much putting poison into their food.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked why Gary is thinking about changing his name. Gary said he isn't thinking about changing it again. The guy had some suggestions for a new name and it was a reference to some old basketball player. The joke wasn't going anywhere so Jon moved on.
Another caller asked when Gary's book (They Call Me Baba Booey) is coming out. Gary said it's coming in November.
Jon asked the guys about what Robin must think when Howard says he doesn't want to hear her stories. They said it must piss her off a little bit. Benjy said that she might be hurt by it especially since Howard is doing that on the air.
Ralph called in with a couple of Robin issues. He said that her twittering is awful. He said that it reeks of someone who was told to just get her name out there and use it for promotion. He said she's like a child in a Porsche. He said her Tweets are rambling. Gary said he tries to just put one thought out there once in a while. He said he doesn't try to do one every hour like some people. Ralph said that it's not just random thoughts that you Tweet out like that. He said Gary is okay but Robin is out of control. He said she's rambling about the Constitution and food.
Ralph said that Robin is late to the party and she's going nuts preaching to people. He said that it's annoying and she doesn't seem to get it. Ralph said that's why Howard doesn't want to go to dinner and hear about it. Ralph said that it's about education and not about yelling at people.
Gary said that this is like drug addicts who found god and then try to get you to find god. He said he's out when they start doing that.
Jon said that Robin's Tweets are entertaining. Gary said that's for all the wrong reasons though. Ralph said that it gives him douche chills when he hears that she's having meetings with a social media person. He said they need to have an intervention with her. Ralph did his impression of Robin and said he's so annoyed by her Tweets that he wants to go out and eat a Snickers bar just to spite her. Gary asked if it's okay to eat a Snickers bar once in a while. Jon and Ralph think it's okay. Gary said that Robin is very selective and she drinks alcohol even though that's considered poison by some Vegans.
Gary told Ralph how he does his Twitter thing. He said that Jon showed him how it all works but he's not asking anyone if his Tweets are okay. Gary said that he's able to answer some questions from the fans there too so he likes doing that.
Benjy asked Gary if he has any favorite Tweets. Gary said he doesn't look at them like that. Jon said on Twitter if you get your stuff ''re-tweeted'' that's a big deal. that means someone found your post interesting enough to repost.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ralph is just a ''jealous ass goblin'' about Robin and that's why he's so against Robin. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up the book that Gary mentioned today, ''Desperate Networks,'' and talked about how the networks have passed on so many good shows that have eventually gotten picked up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to bust on Howard about liking Sarah Jessica Parker. He said they busted on her on South Park so he must be wrong. Gary said that just because they bust on her on South Park doesn't mean that she can't be attractive to someone else. Gary said he thinks she's hot at certain angels. Benjy said he finds her hot. He said that she's also Will's cousin. Gary said Fred once said she looked like Dee Snider in drag in the movie ''Ed Wood.''
Jon brought up the commotion in the halls with Ronnie and the guys. Ronnie took the blame for it. Gary said that's because he's supposed to be the head of security and he should know better than the guys who are making phony phone calls to Chinese restaurants.
Gary said he gets that Sal and Richard are annoying but Ronnie has to deal with it. He has to turn the other cheek. He said that if he feels it's a real problem then he should take them to the side and have a talk with them. Gary said Ronnie could get him involved in it too if he felt he had to.
Sal in so Jon asked how they found out that Ronnie was sleeping. Sal said that the Howard TV guys told them that he was sleeping. Gary said that the news spreads really fast too. Sal said that he hit Ronnie with the Freon cleaner and it may have burned Ronnie's ass. He said he was sorry about that.
Gary said that one of the funniest things they ever did was wake Artie up with the cymbals when he fell asleep in the studio. That's when Artie banged his head on the wall when they did that.
Richard said they wanted to try something different today with Ronnie. They tried to slam a book shut instead of using the cymbal.
Jon asked if Ronnie enjoys playing around like that. Sal said he thinks he likes it. Richard said he had a smile on his face so he thinks that Ronnie does like it.
Gary asked the guys if they would stop if Ronnie pulled them to the side and asked them to. They said they would.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how Artie is doing. Gary said he spoke to him a few weeks ago and things seem to be getting better for him. He said he hasn't spoken to him in a few weeks but that's the feeling he gets from other people who have spoken to him more recently.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he was the tipster. He said he was the one who told the Howard TV guys about Ronnie. Scott said he was definitely sleeping because his head was back and his mouth was open.
Steve Langford also came in and said he saw Ronnie asleep. He said he saw Scott walk by and made the sign to look at Ronnie. He said that Ronnie denies it but if he did that, he'd have to admit it. Richard said Steve was laughing in the background so they were kind of performing for him.
Jon said that Scott took some shrapnel today too. Scott said the guy was saying he was wearing clown pants and thought he knew nothing. Jon asked about the new headphones Howard is getting. Scott said he thinks Howard isn't going to be comfortable wearing them. He said they're not as easy to take off and put on like regular headphones. Gary said they say that they're easier to use than the ones they use. Gary said that they're different than the ones they were fitted for.
Steve said that they have the IFB in TV and they should be easy to use. Gary said that these are fitted ear phones. Steve said the IFB is fitted too. Steve said he still has his just in case he ever needs it.
Richard asked what IFB means. No one knew and they figured Richard knew but he didn't know either. They tried to look it up but they got a call from Ronnie.
Ronnie called in to say that he wasn't asleep. He said that he saw everything going on. Howard was in the background yelling about how Crazy Ronnie was going in the car. They lost his call for some reason. Gary finally found that IFB means ''Interruptible Feedback.''
Jon asked Sal and Richard about what they thought about Howard saying he's not sure if he'll be there in 8 months. Sal said that he gets worried and he hopes that Howard continues. If it doesn't happen then he'll be Richard's roadie.
Ronnie called back and said that no one is talking about the burn he has from Sal. Howard was yelling about Ronnie going nuts in the car again in the background. Ronnie said he has a mark on his leg from the freon burn. Richard said he doesn't believe him and he thinks he should have to pull his pants down on the show tomorrow.
Ronnie said he has a six inch burn down his leg. Howard said Ronnie has his pants off now. Ronnie said the burn is down the back of his leg. Sal said he'll pick up the bill for the doctor. Ronnie said he's had enough of that now. He wanted to get off the line but he said that Langford is wrong about him sleeping. Howard told Ronnie to get off the phone or he'll get into an accident. Ronnie hung up after that.
Steve came back in and said that they didn't report on this story. Ronnie was wrong about that. Steve also said he was just an observer and he did see Ronnie with his head back and his mouth open. He said that he doesn't B.S. either. He said if he were asleep, he would admit it.
Sal said that it was kind of pathetic and sad that their security guy is sleeping in the studio back there. Ronnie called back in and said that he looked straight at Steve and Steve looked at him. He said he saw everything and he wasn't asleep. They assumed he was asleep.
Steve was still saying that he stepped in to say hello and Ronnie was not with them. Ronnie said there's no way he could see if his eyes were closed or not. Steve said that's not true. Ronnie said he would admit it if he was sleeping. He said he's not like that. Ronnie said that Steve will never admit when he's wrong. Steve asked when he has been wrong. They weren't able to get an answer. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Robin took a beating on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Ralph was really getting on her. Robin said she missed what Ralph said. Howard said Gary was making the point that Robin's whole thing with food comes off as preachy and lectury. Robin said she's fighting for her right to eat the way she wants to and not preaching.
Howard said Gary was saying she's too new to this to be preaching. Robin said that she didn't say that anyone needs to do anything. She's fighting for her own rights to eat the way she wants to. She said real food is under attack and that's it.
Howard said Ralph called in too and he was really getting on her. Howard played some of the audio of that segment. Here's what I wrote yesterday:
Ralph called in with a couple of Robin issues. He said that her twittering is awful. He said that it reeks of someone who was told to just get her name out there and use it for promotion. He said she's like a child in a Porsche. He said her Tweets are rambling. Gary said he tries to just put one thought out there once in a while. He said he doesn't try to do one every hour like some people. Ralph said that it's not just random thoughts that you Tweet out like that. He said Gary is okay but Robin is out of control. He said she's rambling about the Constitution and food.
After that Howard read some email about Robin's tweeting. There were some people who were on Robin's side in all of this and backed her up. There are some people who agree with her on the food issue but don't know where to buy food. Howard said there were also some who said she sounds like a cunt when she preaches about food. There was one who said that it's her delivery that turns people off. Howard said her message is a good one but it's her delivery that's annoying some.
Howard said he doesn't want to hear the entire story about how she came to lose her weight. Robin said she has no desire to tell him more. She said Howard already said no to her about going to dinner to hear the story. Robin said she missed out.
Howard said they have to get out of there at 10 today so he has to start the news at 9. He said that Robert Downey Jr. is calling in at 8:30 so he has to put him on with Mike Walker to get them both out of the way.
Howard said Adam wants to meet with him out there and thinks that he's going over to JKL (Jimmy Kimmel Live) but he's not going. Howard said he wants Adam to know that he's not going to be out there. He's going to his hotel to nap while Beth goes to JKL. Howard said Adam can go and look at Beth if he wants.
Howard said he's really dreading the plane flight. He said he may have to dope himself up before the flight. Robin asked if he's going to drink at all. Howard said he doesn't drink in the afternoons. He said he won't be doing that. Robin was surprised by that.
Howard said he heard that Robin was in the elevator yelling at someone about how they eat like shit. Gary said that it was her yelling about how Howard eats like shit. Howard said he eats healthier than anyone there. He said Robin has to stop worrying about everyone else. Robin said she's not the one who initiates these conversations. She said that it's other people talking to her about food. Howard said Robin doesn't know how he eats. Robin said that Howard has his food being prepared by other people and has no idea where it's coming from. Howard asked ''who cares?'' Robin said that's what she was saying, he doesn't care. Howard said Robin is out of control and Ralph is right.
Howard said that Ralph isn't the most motivated guy and he's saying that his web site is like his job but there isn't much there. Howard said Ralph shouldn't be yelling at Robin about this stuff.
Howard asked Robin why she can't just do her thing and not be such an advocate. Robin said she's trying to change things with the food she eats. Robin said she just cares about herself. She said there are people like her who don't have a voice and that's why she's speaking out. Robin said she cares about people like her. Howard said she's making people nuts.
Robin said that she's not doing anything. It's Howard that's questioning her about this. Howard said that she's nuts. Robin said he's upset that she cares now. Maybe she should be impartial and not say anything. Howard said that she's judging everyone. That's the problem. Robin said she's not bothering anyone. She said Ralph is the one who directs things toward her when they're eating and that leads to them talking about food. She's not the one who brings it up.
Howard talked about how Robin was carrying on at Jason's wedding about the food. Robin said it was Howard who came to her and made her eat. Howard said he was upset that she wasn't eating her soup. She didn't like that it had cream in it.
Howard said some people think Robin is coming off a little preachy about this. Robin said she might be a little enthusiastic about it but she's new with it.
Howard asked about her tweets and what it is that Ralph doesn't like. Gary said she seems to be forcing it and it's not organic like Ralph thinks they should be. Howard asked when Robin's big announcement is going to be. Robin said she's not going to say and she thinks they're already overselling it. Howard said Robin was the one saying that it was going to be big.
Howard said that their lighting guy, Sussy, is upset with Robin. He said that she didn't donate to his bike ride. Robin said that she hasn't even had a conversation with him yet. She was going to but now she's going to say ''screw Sussy.''
Howard said that Robin's foundation is another thing they haven't talked about. Robin said that's not about food. Howard said he has a lot of negative mail about the name of her charity, 15 Foundation, because they named it after tennis. Robin said they're helping people start things so it's the ''first of something'' and that's how they named it.
Howard asked Robin if she's out of control. Robin said she might be. Howard said they should take a poll on the web site and ask if it's too much for everyone. He said it's wild around there. He said the Howard 100 News is mostly about her lately. Robin said she has a lot going on.
Howard said he knew that Robin had a future ahead of her. He didn't know that it was going to be like this though.
Robin said she had a meeting with James and Todd who are the documentarians that she's working with. Robin said they're making a documentary about food.
Howard asked Robin what her day is like and if she has any ''me'' time. Robin said she gets out there jogging sometimes. Howard said he heard a news report about a guy who saw her out jogging. Robin said she was so nice to that guy and he was talking about her titties in that story.
Howard asked Robin if she spends most of her day talking about her charity and food. Robin told Howard about what she did yesterday and how she did spend some time on the charity thing. Howard laughed and said he's proud of her. He said he wants a reality show about her. He said that everyone wants to see what she's up to. Robin said it would be boring. Howard said that she should leave it up to them to decide that.
Howard said they know what's good. He said they have a Howard TV special on now about her trip to Guatemala and it's very good. He said Robin should watch it because it might shock her back into reality.
Howard read that raw almonds are no longer legal. Robin said she doesn't eat many nuts but that is sad. Robin said she doesn't know what's going on with them but she will look into it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Robin is like a convict who did bad shit all his life and then found God. Howard said that Malcolm X was a drug dealer and he went to prison. Then he came out and knew everything. Howard said that's what this might be like. Robin said he wasn't all bad and there was a lot of good in there.
Howard said Robin's biggest assignment is this tea with Rosie. Howard said Rosie is high profile and if Robin can go to the tea and work her mind control on Rosie, and get her into the fold, this will parlay into something big. Howard said that Robin will be able to get the word out about this food stuff. Howard thinks that Robin will be big on the talk show circuit and it'll explode.
Howard said he advised Robin not to do the whole lecture thing. He said that he doesn't want her lecturing though. He said she should give her a brief overview. Howard said she's going to scare her off if she comes on too strong. Robin said she's not planning on doing that at all.
The caller said he thinks that Robin is setting up for Howard's retirement and working this into something. Howard said that she could be doing that. He said he thinks that Robin could end up with a constitutional amendment under her belt. He said she could end up like Richard Simmons and have people following her around like that. Howard said that Robin's Law will river Megan's Law.
The caller said he hasn't been listening to the show that long but he wants to know if Robin used to eat hamburgers and things like that. Robin said she did. Howard said Robin used to eat ''fake'' food all the time. Robin said she admits it.
Howard said Robin should be invading homes and inspecting food. He imagined what that would be like. He did his impression of Robin breaking in and kicking people out of the kitchen. Fred played her Guatemalan theme song as Howard did that.
Howard said that Robin is going to have an organic army out there. He said all of those girls night out things are going to turn into a SWAT team raid. Fred played some sound effects to create that scene while Howard did his Robin voice telling people to put their hands up as she invaded.
Howard said he's proud of Robin even though he is making fun of this whole thing. He told Robin that she may have to get Rosie's girlfriend into this whole thing. He said that might be the key. Howard said he has to work with Robin to come up with a plan. Howard said he wants to hear her speech too. Robin said she has no speech and she has no plan. Howard said it's not easy to keep up with Robin doing all of this stuff.
Howard said Robin is out there working on all of this stuff and it could lead to a political career. Robin said she's missing family dinner night tonight. She said she was going to do that charity event but they changed the date on her and she has another commitment tonight. She said she's going with their agent, Don Buchwald, to his gala. She said he's involved with Brooklyn College and she's going to an event with him. Howard said Don never shuts up about that Brooklyn College.
Robin said it's a dinner so Howard asked if she's going to give her speech at the table about the food. Robin said she doesn't have a speech. That's not who she is. Howard said she's not going to get her amendment passed if she doesn't tell people about food. Howard wondered if she's going to bring her green drink with her. Robin said that it's late enough that she'll be done with eating for the night.
Howard asked Robin what this event is. Robin had no idea. She said she's not even sure what time it is. She's going solo with Don. Howard said that will be a good opportunity to talk to him about his eating habits. Robin said she doesn't bother him about his eating habits.
Howard asked what she's doing the rest of the weekend. Robin is having dinner with friends on Friday and Saturday. Howard asked where she's going to eat. Robin said she doesn't care. She said that she might order a salad or something. Howard asked if she asks where the salad comes from. Robin said she won't do that. Howard asked how she knows what she's eating then. Robin said she just doesn't do that. She told Howard he's silly. She said sometimes she doesn't even eat the salad. She said she has had some dressings on her salad before that were just too salty and she gets it on the side now for when she does eat the salad.
Howard told Robin that her movement can't support another Tim Sabean. He gained back 15 pounds. He said Gary thinks it's 25. Gary said no one tells the truth about their weight so that's why he thinks it's 25.
Howard told Robin that when people see Rosie thin people are going to ask how she did it. Rosie will tell people that it was Robin Quivers who helped her. Howard said Rosie will be indebted to her the rest of her life. She'll get to go to dinners with Madonna. Robin said she'll have to do another intervention with her if she does. She said she'll have to talk to her about her plastic surgery.
Howard said his money is on Robin. He said he thinks that Robin will teach Rosie her ways and she's like Yoda to Rosie's Luke Skywalker. He said everyone will flock to Robin after that.
Robin said she saw that Oprah is following some diet guru now and she's preaching that to her audience. Robin said that it's just too much. She said she doesn't want anything like that with Rosie. Howard said that's what he thinks she should be doing with Rosie though. He said that everything is riding on this tea. Robin said that nothing is riding on the tea. She said it's really silly what he's saying. Howard said he's never said anything that wasn't silly.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if it's too late to enter Robin in the Wack Pack contest. Howard said it is too late. He said that they only have one entry so far though. Howard said that if you know of anyone who can be entered they're still running the contest until today. You can find details at Sirius.com/HowardStern.
Howard said he has a list of all of the stuff and he checks it off as he packs it. He said he has dental stuff, skin care stuff and more. Howard said he has to bring this dental thing that he wears when he's sleeping and he has to do that to save his teeth.
Howard said he never had braces as a kid so his teeth are misaligned. He said his mother didn't believe in the orthodontist thing so she never let him get braces. That led to Howard doing his mother's voice and talking about how afraid she was of doctors.
Howard said his mother didn't know what happened to her mother when she died. Howard said he went and found the death certificate and looked up what happened. Howard said his parents have scared him into not traveling. He said he doesn't trust his psychologist because of what his mother told him about doctors when he was growing up.
Howard said that his mother told him that the dentist thought he needed braces but she knew someone who had braces and she had loose teeth. Howard said he knows the person she was talking about and that woman didn't take care of her teeth so that's why they were loose. He said everything was loose on that woman.
Howard said his mother wouldn't even let him get novocaine when he went to the dentist. Howard said he had to suffer through the pain when he had a filling done. Howard said his mother would tell him why she didn't want it used and she would sit in there and watch as he was tortured.
Robin said that she saw Marathon Man recently and that must be torture to Howard. Howard said that's like a comedy to him.
Howard said he used to sit in the chair for like 2 hours without novocaine. Howard said his mother never had it and his father never did either. Howard said he'd have to raise his hand if he felt pain while doing all of this. He said that his mom would be so proud sitting there watching him in pain. He said he was in her cult while he was growing up.
Howard said his mom was telling Beth baby stories about him yesterday. He said his mom called to talk about her appearance on Regis and Kelly where the dog took a shit. Howard said that clip has gone viral and it's all over the place now. Howard said Beth's book is selling well too. It's supposed to be the number 5 best seller on the NY Times Best Seller List.
Howard said Beth isn't enjoying the hectic schedule but she's getting a lot of good reviews. Howard said the publisher got caught with their pants down because they don't have enough books. Howard said that guys on the show have already changed their pet food based on the book.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Beth's appearance was great. That led to them talking about some of the funny things that happened during that appearance. A dog took a shit live on the air. Howard said that his dog ran away from Beth when she put suntan lotion on her head. Howard said that was pretty funny.
Howard said they're going out to California today and Beth will be at the Beverly Hills Library Auditorium at 3pm on Friday. He said he won't be there. He'll be pool side. Howard said if he makes it to California and the plane doesn't go down then he'll be out by the pool. Howard said he'll set up and lay out there looking at all of the girls. Howard said he won't be drinking by the pool. Just water. He said he takes an hour at night to drink alcohol.
Howard got back to the dental appliance thing and explained how he didn't have any room in his mouth for his own teeth. He said his mother refused to let him get braces. He said his teeth got crowded and when he closes his mouth his lower teeth clash with the upper teeth. He said the teeth are dead now and he had to have root canal and other work done. Howard said his teeth are too big for his mouth. If he had braces, none of this would have gone on.
Howard said he has to wear this plastic thing at night so he doesn't ruin his teeth more. That's what this whole conversation was about.
Howard said there are people who have awful breath and it's probably from not brushing their teeth. He said he read that Jessica Simpson doesn't brush her teeth more than once or twice a week. He said he saw a picture of her sanding next to Gabourey Sidibe and there wasn't much difference. Howard said Robin needs to give Jessica her lecture about eating. Howard said he likes that Robin is eating healthy and staying healthy. He said he needs her to stay that way.
Howard said that the woman Martine was married to stayed with him and had a daughter with her. Howard said the daughter got sick with a rare disease. He said that Martine decided to find out a way to do something about her illness. Howard said Martine started a new company that does boutique drugs and figured out that they can make money on the diseases that aren't widespread. Howard said that they company is worth a fortune now. He said that Martine basically cured his daughter. Howard said he read the whole article about what he's thinking about doing next and he's looking into other diseases. Howard said the guy is such an asset.
Howard said that Martine is thinking about stuff that doesn't exist and he creates it. He said the guy is dynamic. Howard said that in so many cultures people are scorned when they have a sex change operation. Howard said this guy is a great person and if someone like Pat Robertson had a sick child he would suck on that fake vagina to get a cure. Howard said that he hates these people who are against transgender people like that.
Howard said the article he read was in the May 10th Forbes magazine. Howard said that Martine is a contributor to society so who cares if he had a sex change. Howard said Martine is a great person.
Howard said he had to take a break but he ended up talking about Ronnie the Limo Driver falling asleep in Scott's studio yesterday. He said they were goofing on him on the Wrap Up Show and Ronnie called in from the car so he had to yell at him about that. He was going to play a clip but he went to break instead.
Howard came back and said that Eminem seems to like to talk. He said he doesn't know what he's talking about in that song. He said he sounds like he can almost sing in parts of that song. Howard wondered if he really can sing. Fred said it's hard to tell. Howard wondered who he was singing about. They couldn't figure it out. Howard gets the feeling that a lot of people think Eminem is an asshole. He figures to be a good rap star you have to be angry like that though.
Howard said he was listening to Bubba the Love Sponge and he's been working with this guy Cowhead at this station he's on. Howard said Bubba thinks that he should have the ability to pick the music for the station because he's getting the ratings. Howard said he's not sure why he cares. Howard said Spice Boy was getting worked up because they do have an 11 share and no one else does around there. Howard said that people were telling Bubba that he shouldn't worry about that though because he's doing so well already. Howard said Bubba might want to get even bigger though so maybe that's why he wants to pick the music. Howard said he had a fun time listening to that show.
Howard said his friend Sid Rosenberg has a book out (You're Wrong and You're Ugly: Radio's Bad Boy Tells It Like It Is (And It Ain't Always Pretty)) and he's signing them at the Hard Rock Cafe and some other places around New York City.
Lisa got to her news preview and said she was back stage at Regis and Kelly and she heard that her appearance was a huge success thanks to Scooter the dog pooping and peeing on camera. Lisa said that Beth wanted to make it clear that Scooter is 100 percent housebroken and it was because the set looked like a park to the dog.
Lisa said that Rachel Fine (RachelFine.com) from The Bonus Show is a singer and she just signed a deal with Sunset Records. She said that her music is available on iTunes. Lisa said they call it neo-soul and electronica. Fred looked for some of the music in the system so he could play that. Lisa said that Rachel is working with Zelma Davis on a song too.
Lisa said that Sal and Richard are appearing in a new indie horror movie. She gave the details of that and Howard wondered who would hire Sal and Richard to be in a movie. He said it's probably the worst movie ever made. Howard said that if it was Jackie in the movie then he'd really know it was bad.
Howard said he saw that Sal and Richard were in the bathroom together again the other day. He said he thought it was a bit but they really go in there together. He said that's in their real life and not just a bit. He said it was a real turn off. Howard said they played him some new phone calls and stuff but then the bathroom thing just ruins it for him. Howard said he got this nauseous feeling in his stomach when he saw that.
Howard wondered what Sal and Richard are up to that they don't show on camera. He talked about some of the stuff they're up to on camera and how they're touching each other's cocks and stuff. Howard asked Lisa when she last painted a guy's penis with paint. Lisa said that hasn't happened. Howard said if they were gay and just admitted it then it would be fine. This is just creepy though.
Howard let Lisa go and said he heard that she wants to go to California with him. Howard said he'd sit next to the pool with her. He said he can imagine her wrapped up in a blanket next to the pool even when it's 80 outside.
Howard said he tried watching American Idol and they had Fantasia Barino on the show. Howard said she seems really angry. Howard did an impression of her talking about how she has to get back to making an album. Howard said she's vile and not someone you'd root for. He said she was wrapped up in tight stretch pants too.
Howard said he wasn't even sure who got voted off the show. The guys told him it was the personal trainer guy who got voted off. Howard said he saw Jon Bon Jovi on the show too. He said he's always somewhere promoting his new album. He wasn't sure if they had a new one out or not. Robin said it might be a greatest hits or something.
Howard said Beth is going to be calling into the Ryan Seacrest radio show next week. He said he told her to just do it. He said he must have a young audience that would be interested in her book. Howard said that he's got a big audience out there in L.A. He wondered if Ryan is going to go to the new Simon Cowell TV show. Robin said she thinks that he's sticking with Idol.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got that PawfectSmile thing that Beth helped invent. Howard said she's an inventor now and this pen-like thing has dog toothpaste in it and you rub the dog's teeth with it. The caller said he had trouble brushing his dog's teeth but this thing makes it easy.
The caller told Howard that this former Olympian threw out a first pitch and it makes Gary look good. Howard said it was a girl though. She threw like a girl but she's a girl.
Another caller asked about Dancing with the Stars and if Pam Anderson came to them and tried to promote the show. Howard said she did call him off the air and asked him to vote for her. He mentioned that on the air. He said she may not have cared that much to get on the show to promote it. Howard said Pam may not have that much money either. He went over her history and said that she hasn't really had many bit hits.
Howard played a clip of Larry King talking to Dan about this and Dan was saying that they don't land here because they don't want anything to do with us. Dan said he thinks that they don't want anything to do with us after 9/11.
Howard wondered how Dan knows all of this stuff. He said he sounds like one of the kooks they would have on the Tom Snyder show that Dan used to goof on when he was on Saturday Night Live.
Howard played another clip of Dan talking about how he thinks that the Aliens should be brought to justice for breaking rules about abducting people in this country.
Howard said he's not sure what Dan is doing. He said he has to be goofing. He can't be serious. Howard said he loves Dan but this is just kooky. Fred agreed. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Jewel is actually coming in there. He said she married a cowboy and he learned that on Dancing with the Stars. He said she shouldn't have married a cowboy though. He said he doesn't like it for some reason. He said he loves her voice though. He said he bets she's hot in bed. He said she's got giant, real, boobs. He said she's got a nice figure too. He said she's not super skinny but she's shapely and has those round hips. He said he's studied her. Howard said he likes that she won't even fix that tooth of her's. He said that if he was with her they'd probably have to pop in their dental appliances together.
Howard said that he and Jewel could swap dental appliances one night. Fred threw in some Dave Lampert audio clips while they were talking about that.
Howard said he never did have a chance to date a singer. He said he didn't have enough time. Howard said he did the Tonight Show with Jay Leno one time and Jewel yelled at James Carville when she thought he was staring at her chest. Howard said they were back stage and she hauled off on Carville telling him to stop staring at her tits. Howard said James apologized and said he wasn't looking at them. He said he was there promoting his movie and asked her if she wanted to go see it. Jewel said she did want to go and he figured it was going to be hot and fun. He said her mom got a hold of her and didn't let her come out and play with them so that was the end of that.
Howard said the husband might be taking care of her now. He said that guy probably took his lasso and hung her mom up from a tree by her feet.
Howard said Jewel is on Dancing with the Stars and they show the behind the scenes practicing. She said that they're just about naked when they practice. He said that her dance partner must want to blow a load when he sees her almost unharnessed.
Howard wondered when Jewel was coming in. Gary said he was trying to pick a song for her to play on the show. Howard said maybe he'll duet with her. He said he won't even use Autotune with her. He said he can sing. Howard said maybe they can take a popular song and ''Jewel-ize it.'' Howard said he'd like to hear her cover Neil Young's ''Needle and the Damage Done.'' He said maybe she could do a cover of something else. He said he thinks that he knows what she should be doing. He wondered how her career is doing. Gary said he has a pretty good idea because she's coming there for the first time in 20 years.
Howard said he wants to hang out with Jewel to see what happens in her life. He said he made sure he didn't stare at her tits that night. He said he's not even a tit guy. He said that's why girls like him.
Howard said Beth gets so romantic with him when they watch the Bachelorette. He said they got a preview copy of the show and she sees what kind of shitheads are out there and she likes him even more when they watch that stuff. Howard said she gets all lovey dovey when they watched the show. Howard said she's glad that he's not a guy. Howard said he knows what she means. He said he's not a gross guy, he's most like a gross girl.
Fred said he found a set list by Jewel and she did cover ''Needle and the Damage Done.'' Howard said that's great and that's the song she has to perform in there.
Fred found a copy of the song so he played it for Howard. Howard said he was just fantasizing and he didn't know she actually covered the song. Howard seemed to love what he was hearing. He said ''Oh good lord...'' and Fred threw in Dave Lampert saying ''I'm coming...'' Howard loved the song. He said it was sexy. He let it play through and said she could win American Idol. He said she'd even make it to Hollywood week and be judged by Ellen. Howard said he'd throw up before he'd let Ellen Degeneres judge him.
Howard said Jewel was playing guitar in that song too. He said she must be really good to play that song. Fred said she really is good.
Howard and Fred talked about how girls like Jewel perform on stage and try to look cute. Robin said that they think that girls are so calculated. Fred said she knows how to work it.
Gary said Jewel didn't have a drink until she was 30 years old. Howard said she probably doesn't know the needle and the damage done.
Howard said Beth was telling him she might be getting her period. He figured that's going to be a great weekend when he heard that. Howard said he has been in not-eating mode lately so maybe it's because of that. The caller also asked for a game but Howard said everyone is asking for one and he's not going to let people play if they ask.
Howard said he may have to go to Kimmel to hang out since everyone wants him there. Howard said he's been up since 4 this morning and he has to fly out to California after the show. He said he just wants to go and nap before dinner. Howard said Robin thinks he should get his sleep and he told Beth that they should put the dinner off until Friday. Beth wasn't too thrilled with that.
Howard said he's taking his computer out there so he can practice playing chess. He said he yells at his computer when he can't figure out how to make the program work the way he wants it to.
Howard said he has some movies to watch on the trip. He said Ronnie gave him a couple of screeners to check out. Howard said he had one with Ethan Hawke in it called ''Brooklyn's Finest.'' Ronnie said he also gave him ''Edge of Darkness'' which was okay. That's a good one to watch on the flight. Howard said he has Rolling Stone magazine and they were mentioned in an article. It was the Black Keys who mentioned them in their article. Howard said he heard some of their music and it sounded pretty good to him.
Gary said that Steve Brandano said that the Black Keys are really good. Howard asked Fred to play some of their stuff. No one there other than Steve listens to new music so he was the only one who knew about them.
Howard said he heard that Gary was eating a cupcake and he had the blue icing all over his beard and lips. He told him he has to clean up. Gary said he didn't see anything on his face. Howard told him to enjoy it now because once Robin's amendment goes through, it's all going away.
Robin said that's not what's going to happen. She said she just wants to make sure she has her food. Fred did his impression of Steve Brandano and told Howard he had some of the Black Keys to play.
Howard said he liked what he was hearing with the Black Keys. He said they sound pretty cool. Gary said Steve told him that it's just a guitar player and a drummer, that's it. Howard said they're opening for Pearl Jam this summer.
Howard said he had to take a break before getting Robert Downey Jr. on the phone. They talked about him for a minute and about Tropic Thunder and how great he was in that. Howard said he was in black face during that movie and it was great. He said they'll ask him about how it feels to have a couple of huge movies out. Gary said they have to ask if he's going to stick with Iron Man until Iron Man 5. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he loves anything to do with comic books. He said he's all fired up because he has to get on that plane this afternoon.
Howard said that Robert Downey Jr. is the best out there. He picked up the phone and had Robert on. He told him that's the best out there but Robert said he's not sure that he can back him up on that.
Howard said he heard that Mickey Rourke had a dog and they used pictures of his late dog to make him cry when he had to cry. Robert said he has to do similar things when he has to cry. Howard asked if he took acting lessons to learn how to do that stuff. Robert said he never could afford acting lessons. He said his mom was a great actress so he watched her do her thing. He said he just tries to be good in the scene. Robert said that he listens to Howard because they always have stuff happening and it's natural.
Howard asked Robert if he would go back to doing plays and stuff like Tobey Maguire did. Robert said that it's very strange to have a franchise like this Iron Man thing. Howard said he figured that it's great to have a franchise like that. Robert said that they're doing Avengers and then maybe Iron Man 3. He said he'll have to see what happens.
Howard said he figured they got Robert cheap on the first Iron Man. Robert said he might be right about that. Howard figured it was like a million bucks. Robert said that it may have been around that. Howard asked if he had signed away his rights to the next film after the first one did so well. Robert said that when they have extraordinary success then you get to renegotiate. Robert said it was a great success for them and for him. Robert said that things changed for him after that and it was a big deal.
Howard said that Robert was nominated for an Oscar for ''Tropic Thunder'' and that was rare for a comedy. Howard said that Robert is also in ''Sherlock Holmes'' and that was another great one. He asked Robert if he's afraid that he's going to head down the wrong road again. Robert said he's in Napa Valley this week and he's having a great vacation with his wife.
Howard asked Robert what he's worth now. He said he must be getting some good scripts now too. Howard asked if that's the case. Robert said he is calling the shots now. He said between this and Sherlock he's doing okay. He said he's starting to do his own thing now. Robert said the most important thing is to have the freedom you require to be happy. He said you can have all the success in the world but be chained down.
Robert said he wants to direct some films and stuff like that. He's doing a second Sherlock Holmes this Fall. He's got the Avengers in the works too.
Howard said Robert was on Saturday Night live for a season and people forget about that. Howard asked if he was fired. Robert said he wasn't fired. He said he was on with Anthony Michael Hall and he didn't go back for another season so he didn't go back because he was the one who got him the audition.
Howard asked if Robert is in marriage therapy and in regular therapy too. Robert said he's pretty psychologically well at this point. He said that probably woke his wife up. He said she was chuckling at him now. Robert said that his guy isn't really a shrink. He said he's something else and he has many skills and he's knowledgeable in many areas. He said he's kind of a psychologist but it's more than that. He said he's known the guy since the 80s and they used to travel with the guy back then.
Howard asked Robert if he's saying he doesn't have to go to the psychiatrist once or twice a week. Robert said that's not what he's saying. He said that his wife keeps him in check and makes him call the shrink when he needs to.
Howard asked how the sex life is. Robert said it's the greatest. Howard said he ran into Robert in a restaurant when he was starting to date Beth. Robert aid they felt that was a good omen for them. Howard asked how often they have sex now. Robert had Susan there with him so he put her on the phone with Howard. Howard asked if she's naked right now. She said she's not. Howard asked how many times a week they have sex. Robert said that if they're in a place that they can do it, they might do it 2 or 3 times a week.
Robert said that sometimes they're stressed out so they have to jump into bed and do it. He said that they have to do it sometimes. Susan said that they're very intimate all the time even if they don't go to that place. She said that they're intimate all the time. Robert said he's 45 now so he's more like the girl in the relationship now. He said that she terrifies him with her sexual energy at times. Howard asked if Susan has to initiate sex. Robert said that's not it.
Howard asked Susan if there is jealousy when she sees that Scarlet Johansson on the set with Robert. Howard said he's gotten crazy seeing Beth working with other guys. Susan said it doesn't bother her in the slightest but she's been doing this for 15 years. Robert said she doesn't think of him like that. She said it's just part of the job.
Howard asked about going to marriage therapy. Susan said it's not that often. She said that he goes and she'll just go in when it's necessary. Howard asked why it is that they have to go to therapy. He asked what gets Susan upset. Susan said they don't go because there is a crisis. They go to just check in. They have a lot of shit that goes on in their lives. Howard asked what the issues are. He said maybe the child from the other relationship or something like that. Robert said he might have to work on his character defects. Susan said they're working creatively together so they have to work on that. Howard said it could be the kiss of death if they work together like that. Robin said that's why they're going to therapy.
Robert said they like working together and Susan is a great producer. He said they like a little bit of chaos in their life but they need to have a creative director. He said there is no reason for them not to spend all of their time together. Howard said that's a good point because he can't imagine being away from his wife for 4 months at a time.
Robert said that they don't go more than 2 weeks without seeing each other. Robert said that he gets pissed of when he doesn't see his wife. He said she can tell when he acts like they're not a couple anymore and gets upset with her. Robert said that's why they have to see each other all the time. Howard said he understands all of this because it sounds like him. Robin said they sound like a joy to be around.
Howard asked Robert and Susan if they have any big celebrity friends. Howard told them about the party that Jimmy Kimmel is throwing for him. Robert said that sounds cool. Robert said that his assistant is more excited about him being on Howard's show today than she is about any of his movies. Robert said there are a lot of people who listen to Howard out there and there are probably a lot of secret Santa fans out there.
Howard said he would invite Robert and Susan to the party but they're out in Napa. Robert said they're on their way back actually. Howard said he should have them out there then.
Howard asked Robert if Mickey Rourke is as nuts as he seems. Robert said he's a sweetheart of a guy. Howard wanted to know who was at their party. Robert said that Jamie Foxx was at their party. Howard said he thinks that he and Jamie are in a feud right now. Robert said that it's probably Howard's fault. Howard said it could be.
Howard asked if Nicholson went to their party. Robert said he wasn't there but he sees him at Lakers games. He said the only contact they have is a nod of the head at a Lakers game.
Howard asked if the Jolie Pitts were invited to their party. Susan said they may have had them on the list. Howard asked who else was there. They mentioned Samuel L. Jackson and Jon Favreau and people like that. Robert said that they've worked with a lot of people over the year so they have those people to the party. Robert said his wife has the classier friends so she invites those people.
Howard said that Scott Weiland was on the show years ago and he claims that he took a shower with Robert. Robert said he was naked and he looked over and saw Scott in there. Robert said that they said that the people at the jail figured that they would want to be in the same shower together. Howard said that Scott claims that they're both large in the pants. Robert said he's average and it can look like an acorn at times.
Howard asked Robert if he still masturbates a lot. Robert said that was over when he was 12. Howard said he read that he was a chronic masturbator. Robert said he may have said that but he may have been just entertaining himself in that interview.
Robert said that he sometimes doesn't masturbate because he wants to save his ''diamond seed'' for having sex. Howard said he has started to do that. Howard said his shrink asks him why he can't just take care of himself instead of getting upset that his wife isn't doing it. Howard said he does that at times and just did it the other night.
Howard said he learned to jack off as a kid so he can get it done in seconds. Robert said they should do a fund raiser and do a YouTube video where they have a masturbation race. Howard said he would do that.
Howard asked Robert if he had a good time the last time he was on the show. He said he heard that he didn't. Robert said that things were different back then and things have changed. Robert said that it was very early in the morning and they never even mentioned the movie he was there to promote. He said he may have left there feeling a little burned. He said he still listens to the show so he doesn't have a problem with Howard. Robert said he heard that people were coming up with theories about why he was mad.
Gary said he thinks that something bothered him about the staff before he went into the show and he may have been upset before he went into the studio. That was actually about his wife not being recognized but Robert said that probably wasn't it either.
Howard asked who their best friends are. Susan said that she goes to Courteney Cox's gym and she was listening to Howard the day that David Arquette was on the show. She said that she told Courteney about that and she gets so nervous when David does the show.
Robert said they have publicists who try to keep them from talking about this stuff. He said that they're supposed to be talking about Iron Man 2. Howard said he's fantasizing about Susan and Courteney exercising together in the gym. Susan said that they don't work out together. They take turns. Robert told her not to say that. Howard said that's kind of weird. Susan said that she's a big fan of a tank top and exercise shorts.
Howard asked if they ever bring other women into the bedroom. Robert said that they are so well matched that would be a bad idea. Howard asked what woman Susan would want in the bedroom if she had to have someone. Susan said she really didn't know.
Howard gave Robert some plugs for Iron Man 2 and said that it's up to some crazy amount of money now. He asked if they get gifts when the movie does that well. Robert said he got a Bentley one time. He said that Susan still drives it but they have to convert it to BioDiesel or something because it's embarrassing.
Howard asked Robert if he was okay with Don Cheedle taking over for Terrence Howard. Robert said he's not sure what happened there. He said that Don did a great job and people love him though. He said he's not sure what went on with Terrence. Howard said it had to be a money issue. Robert said he doesn't think that it was Terrence's fault.
Howard said he saw Robert in a picture with his son the other day and he looked very content. He said he didn't think Robert would ever be able to come back. He said he had counted him out.
Howard told Susan and Robert to drop by the Jimmy Kimmel party. He said he's already invited like 700 people there. Robert said that Jimmy might be mad at him because he's doing Craig Ferguson today. Howard said he thinks Jimmy can handle that. Robert said he's probably right, he is a big boy.
Howard asked Robert if he uses a condom with his wife. Robert said he has some impressive control over his seed spreader. He said if they do end up getting pregnant they'll announce it there on the show. Robert was wondering if his publicist was glad they did the show today. Howard said it sounds like they're having a blast and they've found contentment and peace. Howard said he told Ron Zimmerman he sounds like he's at peace and he said he is. He said that it sounds that way with these two as well. Robert and Susan said things are nice.
Howard asked Robert if he was taking steroids to get in shape for these movies. Robert said that would be the wrong thing for him to do. He said it would be counterproductive for his recovery. Howard said that he's right about that. Howard asked how he stays in shape. Robert said he does martial arts and runs and stuff like that. He said that Susan smokes him when they work out together so they can't do that. Susan said she's have to walk fast to stay as slow as Robert. Howard asked what kind of karate he's doing. He said he does Wing Chung Kung fu. Howard wrapped up and let Susan and Robert go a short time later.
Howard said he has to walk out of there at 10 o'clock and he has to get Mike Walker on the phone. He said he's going to have to pass on Steve Langford and Jon Hein today. They went to break a short time later.
Howard mentioned Beth's book signing in L.A. that's happening today at 3. He didn't have the plug so he wasn't sure where it was. He looked through his paperwork but wasn't able to find it. He asked Gary to find it for him.
Howard asked if Mike Walker was ready to go. Gary said he was but when Howard went to put him up, he wasn't there. Gary said he had Beth's plug. He gave out the information and he had it wrong so Howard goofed on him. Then Gary lost the information on his IM window so he didn't have the plug or Mike Walker.
Howard said it seems like everyone is having fun. He said that Robert Downey Jr. is having a ball. Then Gary came in and Howard asked where Mike Walker was. He was on the line but he couldn't hear Howard. Howard said he doesn't have time for this today. Howard read Beth's plug and tried to get Mike on the line. Howard told Gary he had to leave and he didn't have time for this today.
Howard had Robin get to her news instead. He said he apologizes to Mike but he has to get out of there. Scott came in and said that it was set up right but he's not sure what happened. Howard said he has to get going to he's not going to play the game today.
Howard had Robin get to some news. Robin read a story about how there's a lot of controversy about 3D movies and TV. Howard said they don't need that and it's going to make people go blind. Robin said that James Cameron is a big fan of 3D and he's saying that's the new frontier. Howard said he doesn't think that's the case. He said that he doesn't want to watch TV in 3D. Robin said you have to wear the glasses all the time if you're watching TV. Howard said he just wants a movie with a good story. He doesn't need 3D. Robin said that Cameron thinks that 3D TV is going to be the next big wave. Howard said they just need a good story and a good movie. They don't need 3D. He said he likes Spider-Man and movies where homely girls turn hot. He said they could combine those two, without the 3D, and he'd be happy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robert Downey Jr. was great in ''Less than Zero'' and he must have been portraying himself in the movie. Robin said it's a miracle that he came out of that phase in his life as well as he did.
Robin got back to her news and said that Francis Ford Coppola is against 3D movies and he's calling it a juvenile abomination. Howard agrees. He said the whole 3D thing isn't that great. It's kind of a distraction and it gives you a headache.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loved Beth's book (Oh My Dog: How to Choose, Train, Groom, Nurture, Feed, and Care for Your New Best Friend). She also asked Howard how his parents play into his future plans. Howard said he doesn't think of them in his career. She asked if his parents would come into the equation in his future plans. Howard said he's not trying to be difficult but he doesn't think about them in his career. Robin said she may be asking about how they play into where he'll go and if he's going to think about where they live. Howard said they're going to have to fend for themselves. He's not going to take them in or anything. He said his sister can take care of them. Howard said he'd pay his sister to do that. The caller said he loves them and he wouldn't let his sister do that. Howard said he would.
Robin said she knows that Howard is going to move them in and he'll be fixing his father's sardine sandwiches. The caller, Lilly, asked Howard what it would sound like if Ted Kennedy walked into the yogurt shop his parents go to. Howard said he didn't have time to do that an hung up on her. He went into the bit anyway. He did his impressions of Kennedy, his mother and his father. Howard said he would do more of that on Monday.
Robin read that there are going to be drugs coming out soon that will let you live until 100. Robin said they are developing drugs now that will turn back aging. Howard said on Tuesday he's going to have Ted Kennedy go to KFC with his father. He went into the impressions again and had his parents talking about going to KFC.
Robin read some news about the Lawrence Taylor case. Howard said he knew that L.T. wouldn't do that and it turns out he was just jerking off in the room. Howard said the man is fighting for his life so he has to say that. Robin said they are saying that the 16 year old is now saying that L.T. didn't want to have sex so it was an easy trick for her. Howard did more of his mother and father impressions and said he'll have more of that next week. Robin read some more details about this L.T. case and said that they're saying the girl claimed to be 19 years old. Howard did more of his parents talking about Robin's food amendment. Howard said he'll be doing that bit on Thursday's show.
Robin said she was reading about some controversy over Newsweek coming out and saying that they shouldn't let openly gay people play straight parts. Howard said that they're acting. He mentioned a couple of people like Neil Patrick Harris and George Takei who play straight parts just fine. Robin said she saw that George was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno recently. Howard said that makes sense, Jay always wakes up to people after they've been on his show.
Howard had a clip of a news reporter saying ''cunt'' on the air. He played the clip and the woman was talking about a guy who got cut in the hand by a sting ray and she said ''cunt'' instead of ''cut.''
Robin read a story about how a pharmacy was going to sell a do-it-yourself DNA testing kit so people could find out what kind of things they'd have a chance of getting. Howard said he'd avoid taking that test. He'd be thinking he was sick all the time. Robin said they're pulling back on the kit now and not releasing it the way they were going to.
Melrose Larry Green called in and wished Howard a good trip out to L.A. He said he's looking forward to seeing Beth on Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said he won't be there. Melrose said that's a bummer. He told him he did a great job with Robert Downey Jr. today. Howard thanked him and let him go a short time later.
Robin read a story about this new way of getting high that police are concerned about. Robin said this stuff is known as K2, Spice or Mr. Smiley. It's a chemical that mimics the effects of marijuana. Robin said the police say it's more dangerous than marijuana. The stuff is sold as incense and it's been outlawed in some areas. Robin read some of the other names of this stuff and what it's known as. That led right into Howard doing a Bud Light live commercial.
Robin read a story about Anna Nicole Smith's belongings being put up for sale by her former boyfriend Larry Birkhead. Robin said that Larry is the father of Anna's now 3 year old daughter. He's selling this stuff to raise money for his daughter's future. Robin read some of the stuff that was on the list and Howard said he has a suspicion that the stuff won't sell for much.
Robin said that Oprah is having the cast of the Twilight movies on. Howard said he likes that Kristen Stewart chick because she's kind of hot in a weird way. Robin said that the cast will be on to talk about the new Twilight movie that's coming out next month.
Robin read a story about how most American's don't want to be teachers. She said that only 24 percent of the people polled think that it's a desirable carer.
Robin read a story about how New York is trying to get a Super Bowl played there. They think that they could have snow during the game and that would be a big thing for the game. Robin had some audio of some people like Eli Manning talking about why they want the game there in New York.
Gary came in to talk about that football story and they noticed that his tongue was blue from the cupcake he was eating earlier. They goofed on him for a few seconds about that before letting him go.
Robin read some news about the Times Square terrorist bomber. Howard said he was out the other day and saw this guy wearing a turban walking down the street. He said the guy got out of his cab and started walking around in a circle so he told his driver to get the hell out of there.
Robin read about Stevie Wonder's birthday and played his birthday song.
Robin also said that there's another execution in Texas. She said that is supposed to happen soon. Robin had some audio of a cop reporting on what the guy's last meal was going to be. Howard asked Robin what she would eat if she had to pick a last meal. Robin said she would eat ''real food'' and not junk food. She said she enjoys it. Robin wrapped up a short time later. Howard asked Robin what she would really eat. Robin said she would have French fries. Robin said she would have a great salad, maybe a mushroom salad. Howard thanked her for that and ended the show around 10:00am.
Jon ran down the list of things they were going to cover on today's show. He wanted to start off talking about the problems they had with the Gossip Game and Mike Walker. Jon said he wants to find out where the blame lies. He didn't want to blame any one person like Scott or Mike. Jon said that they had to get Howard out of there early today and it all just exploded.
Gary said that Mike has to get up early to do the show and he gets upset when they don't get to him after getting him up so early. He said that Mike didn't know why he was being bumped when he was doing everything right.
Scott the Engineer came in and said he knows Howard was leaving early. He said he called engineering to set everything up. Gary said they have to set up an ISDN line so he sounds like he's in the studio. They have to make the connection to get it to work. Scott said he was responsible for everything at K-Rock but here he has to ask the engineering department to set it up. Scott said they set it up about 30 minutes before they went to Mike. He said he had to take their word that he was ready to go. Scott said he had to get Will to make the call to Mike to wake him up.
Gary said sometimes Mike doesn't like to wait so that gets difficult. Scott said Will called Mike and Mike got ready. today's break was very short and he thinks that Mike was kind of tardy getting to the mic. That was the first problem. The second problem was when Mike turned his microphone on, he couldn't hear Howard. They were sending the wrong signal to Mike so he wasn't hearing Howard.
Jon said it sounds like the engineering department screwed up and sent Mike the wrong signal. Scott said that's right. Things started to fall apart when Howard went to Mike and there was nothing there. Scott said Mike didn't have his microphone on the first time Howard went to him.
Gary said he was yelling at everyone trying to get an answer about what was going on. He was listening to the show in the hallway and he heard Howard say he had to save it for another time. He said he knew he'd have to tell Mike they were passing on him but he had to know why. He said he couldn't get an answer. Gary said that Scott and Evan were talking over one another so he just called Mike and said he doesn't have a reason for why they had to pass on it. Gary said Scott was supposed to call Mike back and find out what went on. Scott said he did that.
Gary said Mike called him back later and said if they don't want him to do the bit anymore, just let him know. Gary wasn't sure why he thought that and Mike said he's heard Scott say that his game is boring. Gary said he likes the game and they want him to keep doing it. Gary said it's a lot of work to set up the game and they don't want him to stop. Gary said he thinks he convinced Mike that they still want him to keep playing the game.
Will Murray came in and said that he and Scott had things down and he thought they were good to go today. He said that Howard can sometimes let Mike sit on hold for 25 minutes or more and Mike hates that. He said Mike never really listens to the show so he doesn't know what's going on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the game is kind of boring and old. He said he loves when they screw up there though. He was just waiting for Howard to explode today. Gary said he would explode but he was in a rush to get out of there today. Scott said Howard was okay with the explanation he gave him after the show today. The caller told them to keep screwing up and keep up the good radio.
Gary said that it wasn't anyone who works on the show's fault. They thought they had it all set up. Gary said he can't say that Scott fucked up today. Everyone did what they had to do other than the people that they don't control.
Benjy was saying that maybe Scott could check Mike's connection before Howard gets him on. Scott said that he can kind of hear what's going on at Mike's side but today it happened too quick.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that if they can get Mike to sound like he's in the studio, why can't they do that with Gary's mic. Gary said they did that in the beginning but Howard wanted it to sound like he wasn't in the studio.
Anther caller said that he thinks that Jon was being kind of pompous today when he brought this whole thing up. The guy said he's been a fan for almost 20 years and it's usually like a well oiled machine. He said that Jon has to learn to turn on his mic in the studio when he gives Howard his updates too. The guys didn't let the caller know that it's actually Howard who forgets to turn Jon's mic on and he blames it on Jon as a joke.
Jon asked if they were all set on the Gossip Game now. Scott said he thinks that they're all set there and they're usually pretty consistent. Scott said that they have technology that can have problems so they do try to avoid them but they can't avoid the problems all the time.
Will told the guys about how Scott got pissed at Jason one day and started throwing his shit around. Scott said he didn't like the way he messed up his studio so he got pissed. Will said Jason and Scott had a conversation and didn't end up getting into a good fight. He said he was hoping that there would be a good fight.
Jason came in and told that story and said that the whole thing was about some headphones being left unplugged. Jason had some other stories about Scott from the old place.
Jason also said that the engineering guys said the problem today was avoidable by Scott if he had checked. Scott said they didn't have time to check it today. He wants Jason to bring that engineer in so he can talk about it on the air. Jason said he was just fishing.
Jason told a story about working with Scott at K-Rock and how he would just freak out on him if he brought up Gary's name at all. He said one time he started bad mouthing Gary when he'd go into Scott's studio. Gary said Jason told him that back then and he did that to get his work done.
Gary said he never knew how Scott was going to react to him down there either. Jason said that Scott always dropped stuff at noon and he didn't care what he was in the middle of.
Gary said that they have to talk about that. He said that Scott used to do a lot of overtime. He said Howard and the guys would write bits and they'd keep Scott around to help them out. He'd have to do like 4 hours of overtime. Then someone in the company said that he was doing too much overtime. He said that Scott and Wood Yee were in this union together and they were the only two in the union. Gary said that Scott tried to get a raise but he was told that he wasn't getting a raise and he wasn't allowed to have any overtime either. Scott said it was something else. He said that he wanted to hire another person but he was told no and they took away the overtime.
Scott said someone got mad at him for asking for help. Jason said that it had to be something other than just asking for help. Gary said that there must have been a threat made. Howard said Scott is very low key there but back at K-Rock he might have threatened something. Scott said he may have said that he gets an hour for lunch and he might have to disappear for that. Gary said he knew there was something like that.
Scott said he used to skip his lunch hour because they were doing a live show. Gary said that if you work 8 hours you are entitled to an hour break. He said he could have taken that break. Gary said there were some weird rules about when people took breaks there.
Scott said that Howard said something contradictory yesterday. He said that Howard said he didn't think he'd be there in 8 months but he wants to stay there. Gary said he enjoys working there but there's something going on that he doesn't like and it's not making him happy.
Gary said that he's going to start worrying in the summer. He said he's not sure when he's going to start looking for a job if he doesn't know what Howard is doing. Gary said he wants to work with Howard but if Howard doesn't know what he's doing in December, then he has to find a job. He said he's not going to be able to find a job in a week.
Will asked Gary what he would do if Howard took a year off. Gary said he'd have to look for a job. He said if it takes him somewhere else he'd have to stick with it. Then he'd have to decide if he wanted to go back with Howard if he wanted him to.
Benjy asked Gary what he would do if Howard let it go until December and then he got a job. Gary said he's going to ask Howard what he should do. Gary said he'd probably have to take the offer.
Jon said that they're all worried but the ball is in Howard's court. There's nothing they can do about it either. Jon said that he's in a good financial position himself but he's still worried about Howard coming back.
Benjy asked what worries Jon. Jon said he worries about not being able to do what he's doing now for a living. He said that he enjoys it a lot. Jon said he's not set for life so he has to work.
Gary said he could probably go a year without work but he'd eat up most of his savings. He said he'd have to start from scratch with his savings again.
Jason said that Gary seems to be in the worst position because he has two kids going to college and he has a huge house and all of that. Gary said he is worried about that. He said he wants to have fun doing his job so he'd like to keep doing that. Gary said that he hopes he doesn't have to work with a boss he thinks is stupid or something.
Jon asked the caller if he got a good answer. The caller said that they're cutting it close and no one is going to be able to afford Gary. Gary said he's not the highest paid guy in show business by far.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary if he thinks that Howard is going to tell him what's going on. Gary said he doesn't think that Howard will tell anyone. He said that they didn't know anything about Howard moving to satellite. Gary said he didn't know until Howard announced it on the air. He said that Howard doesn't tell anyone anything. Gary said that he got a call from their agent Don Buchwald just minutes after Howard made the announcement. He said that he wasn't able to say anything before that time.
Jon asked Scott if he knew he was going to move with Howard to satellite. Scott said he wasn't sure. Gary said Scott backed the union too long.
Scott told some stories about how he negotiated his salary there. He said that he told them he wanted a million bucks but they laughed at that and at the actual number he wanted. Scott said it was retarded.
Scott said he did some comparisons to other people and it kind of hit him the wrong way when they asked him what he wanted to make. Gary said he showed up pissed off. They imagined what it would have sounded like when he answered them about that. Scott said it was a stupid question.
Jon said her message is good but it's the way that she comes across when she's saying it that people don't like. That's what Ralph was saying yesterday.
Jason said what Robin is doing is a good cause but she's a bad communicator. He said he's still not sure who she's doing it for. He said he's just as confused as ever.
The guys talked about all of the stuff that Robin is involved with like the 15 Foundation and the other charity things. She's also into this food thing.
Jason said that Robin got his new piece of information and she's going around spouting off about it like no one else knew about it. He said she's teaching them a lesson that they don't need to learn.
Gary said that someone called in and said that there's nowhere to get good food now. Gary said that there are farmers markets all over the place where you can get fresh food.
The guys talked about the constitutional amendment thing that Robin wants and they don't think that it's really needed.
Gary said that you can go very far on ether end of this thing. He said he read ''Fast Food Nation'' and what he read about the chickens they use makes it sound like they may not be real chickens. He said that if you bread and fry anything it can taste good.
Benjy was saying that he's a dietary vegan. That led to the guys goofing on him and asking what he's eating that keeps him fat. Benjy said it works for him and you don't have to follow the vegan thing to the letter. That's why Robin says that she's not a ''political vegan.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that if Gary moved into another house he could survive for a few years without working. Gary said he doesn't want to do that though. He said that would disrupt his family life.
Benjy asked Jon if he would take another job if Howard dragged it out until the end. Jason said that Jon has a buffer though and he could wait for Howard to decide. Gary said that he money they've got is supposed to be for their future. Jason said they can afford to stick it out until the end. Jon said that Jason has no idea what he's got saved up or what he's spent it on.
Gary said he doesn't live above his means like some people do. He said that he doesn't want to live like that either.
Benjy asked what it is that Howard is going to be looking for. He said he might like having people guessing at what he's going to do.
The caller said that he thinks Howard could do the show from 10-2 but Gary said he can see the show starting at 7 but not 10-2. They think they have to do that stuff fresh in the morning and not do it in the afternoon.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jason is annoying and they have to get him off the air. It turned out to be Ronnie calling in from the back doing a weird accent.
Jon moved on to talk about Robert Downey Jr. calling into the show. Gary said that it worked out very well when his wife got on the phone too. Gary said he knew that he was a fan of the show and he remembers getting a letter from him years ago saying he was a fan.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howard was talking to Robert about him being psychologically well. After the clip Jon asked if he sounded psychologically well. Gary said he did to him. He said he's been so good in the movies he's been in lately too. He said he went over some of the movies he was in today and he did a bunch of great ones back in the 80s.
Jon asked Gary if he felt that Robert got more comfortable with his wife on the phone. Gary said that it seemed to be going fine when she got on.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that they'll end up at Jimmy Kimmel's party. Gary said he thinks that they will end up there somehow.
Jon said that Robert and Susan were talking about working together. He wondered if it helps the marriage. Gary said if you get along great it probably is a good thing. They spent a minute talking about that and how Susan knows that Robert being around other actresses is just part of the job. Jason said if she did have a problem with it then they wouldn't last that long. He said you have to accept it to keep a relationship going.
Jason said that Sal has some talent but he's never really seen him act. He said Richard is funny to look at. Richard said he was in a serious horror movie and he was good in that. Gary said there is no such thing as a serious horror movie.
Richard asked how they're not actors. Gary said that he hasn't acted in any real movies. Richard said he was in Harold and Kumar. Gary said that was like one line. Richard said it was more than one line.
Gary said that no one is saying they shouldn't take movie roles, they're just saying that the movie might not be all that serious. Sal said he thought Howard's comments were kind of funny.
Sal said that he and Richard play neighbors in the movie ''Bully.'' Richard said he got Sal into the movie because he likes working with him. They didn't even know what the movie was about before they signed on to do it. Sal said he was offered a few different roles but he wanted to do the neighbor thing with Richard.
Sal said he did another movie with Mario Cantone and that one is called Circus Maximus. That movie is a comedy. Richard said he did a movie with Maria Menounos called ''Serial Buddies.'' He said that one will be really funny.
Jon asked if Sal and Richard get along outside of work. They said they're always texting and keeping in touch outside of the show. They don't spend a lot of time together though. Richard said they used to work comedy shows together and stuff like that.
Benjy asked why they don't pee together at their houses. Sal said that would be creepy in front of the kids. Sal said his wife wouldn't care one bit. Jon didn't believe that for one minute. Sal said his wife didn't even notice when he had a beard.
Jason said it bothers him that they pee together. They have enough problems with that bathroom and they don't have to be doing that stuff. Benjy has peed with the two of them before. They still go at the same time because they like hanging out together. Richard said that Jon and Gary do stuff together. Gary said they don't pee together and they don't hang out that much. He said that he would have to say no to Jon if he asked him to pee with him.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Gary's book ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' and said that he shouldn't be goofing on them for taking jobs.
Jon said that Lisa G was the one who reported on Sal and Richard being in the movie. Howard had mentioned that Beth is a big fan of Lisa's and Lisa asked if she could hang out with Beth. Howard wants to keep it to just a news thing and not let her hang out with Beth.
Jon asked Sal about him wanting to hang out with Howard and how that blew up. Sal said that he just asked if he could stay over one night when he was in the city and it ballooned up into something else. Gary said that it was more than that. Sal said he was new there and it would have been nice but he's learned that familiarity breeds contempt.
Gary said he has learned that Sal is like a pedophile. Sal told him that's wrong. He said he did that comparison another time. Gary said he was going to make an analogy. He said he's ''like'' a pedophile because he's never cured. He just manages to suppress his urges. Sal said he'd like to suppress his fist on Gary. Jason said that he gets the analogy but it's so wrong. They said he could have used an analogy like an alcoholic who still has to suppress the urge to drink. Sal was pissed at Gary for that. They were goofing around with the whole thing for a minute. Gary said that Howard is like the playground and Sal has to stay 50 feet away from him.
Jon said that Sal is the one who called Howard an ''entity'' and he's the one who brought that on himself. Sal said he knows that and he's stopped bothering Howard. He said back then he was completely involved and now he's been there 6 years and he still admires him but that's where he's going to leave it.
Jon asked if Sal isn't in love anymore. Sal said he just respects and admires Howard. Gary said thinks Sal would still like to have that relationship. Sal said that anyone would like to be in that kind of relationship.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they really don't like each other because Gary using the pedophile thing was just wrong. He said that they must not like each there. Sal said he has respect for Gary but he's the one who is goofing on Gary all the time so he's going to take the shot if he gets the chance. Gary said he couldn't say it better himself.
Jon took some more calls and people were saying that Gary really hates on those guys. He doesn't want to give Howard their phone calls sometimes and things like that. Gary said that happened once in four and a half years.
The caller said he thinks that there is pressure on all of the guys and Gary is getting on them for taking opportunities that he's not getting. Gary said he has a book deal though so his theory is blown out of the water.
The caller was also telling the guys to give Robin a break and stop bashing her for all of this stuff she's talking about. He said maybe they can take some of that information and use some of it.
Sal asked Gary about his book deal and if he thinks he'll be able to get on Letterman and shows like that. Gary said he may not fit the bill. He said maybe he could do a top 10 list or something but he can't see him being on the show as a sit down guest. He said if Howard announces that he's retiring then he could probably get on any show on TV.
Gary said that the only shows he won't do are Leno and Imus. Jon said it would be huge to be on either of them. Gary said it would be uncomfortable for him though. He said they reach more people than Imus does so it's pointless to go on that show. He said he doesn't want to go on and fight with Jay and he doesn't want to pretend that nothing is going on.
Gary said he wants to be on the Rachel Ray show or on Ace of Cakes. He said that's the kind of shows he wants to appear on when his book comes out. Jason said that show Ace of Cakes is great and they should get them to make a cake for his book party.
Jon said that the sports shows will want Gary on to talk about his awful pitch. Gary said he would like to do NPR and stuff like that too.
Ralph called in and said that he wanted to defend Gary's pedophile rap. He said that people get crazy when you bring up that word but he was just saying that Sal is repressing feelings that he shouldn't have. Sal said he never brings up Howard when he's out with Ralph. Ralph said that's true but he was very weird about it in the beginning. Gary said it was very genuine too.
Ralph also brought up Gary liking teen anal so Sal goofed on Gary about that too. Gary said that teen anal can be nineteen. Sal said it could be fourteen too.
Jon asked Ralph how worked up Howard was about his flight out. Ralph said that it was a perfect storm today with Howard flying out and the Mike Walker screw up. He said that he hates packing too and he knows what it's like for Howard. He said Howard has a great life and he doesn't need to get out there to be there with Beth. He said if anything happens out there it's going to be Beth's fault.
Richard said that he didn't get what Howard was saying about not drinking in the afternoons. He said that he drinks all the time. He'd drink in the morning if he had to.
Sal asked Gary if he thinks that Howard is going to be cranky on Monday morning. Gary said he wasn't thinking about it until now. He said he really doesn't know.
Richard was talking about what it's like to go out on the road with Beetlejuice. He said that they went to the airport one time and Beet got drunk and he said he had to get something to read. He ran into a shop and got a Wall Street Journal.
Jason told a story about Richard drinking in an airport at like 8 in the morning one time out in Vegas. Richard said he loves the airport bars. He said he would probably go there just to drink if they didn't have all of that security there. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:40am.