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Howard started the show talking about not knowing where to begin. Robin said she thought he knew everything. Howard said he knows some things.
Howard said he tuned in to see Michael Vick last night on 60 Minutes. He said he was apologizing to animals during the interview. Howard said he was even apologizing to reptiles. He said that Vick was talking about apologizing to reptiles and insects. Robin said she was thinking that she doesn't ever want to see him again after that interview. She said he was a jerk and he kept smiling during the whole thing even when he was doing his apology.
Howard said he didn't seem to be rehabilitated at all. He said he doesn't necessarily have the right to work in the NFL even if he did do his time. Howard said that a lawyer doesn't go to jail and get to be a lawyer again. He said that Imus got a second chance to do his show but that guy doesn't deserve the chance to do that after what he did. Howard said he just thinks that because he hates the guy.
Robin said that Vick was talking about the stuff he did to dogs like he grew up around it so that's why he thought it was okay to do. She said he was talking about how he should be allowed to continue in football because he could be considered a role model now.
Artie said that in this life if you're good at something you will be tolerated. He said that shitty behavior will be tolerated if you're good. Robin said that Vick hadn't been picked up by a team yet though. Artie said that he has. He got picked up by the Philadelphia Eagles.
Artie said that the Eagles picked up Vick and he's been picked by a team that could win the conference and even the Super Bowl. Robin said she won't watch Vick in a game again so even if he makes it to the super Bowl, she won't watch. Howard said that's what a lot of people are saying.
Artie said that Vick is being catered to and they gave him a locker that's in an area that he'll be able to escape from if the press starts giving him a hard time. He said that's the reality of life.
Artie said he thinks that Howard would be tolerated like that if he got into trouble over something. He said that he would be allowed back to doing what he does best because he's that good. Artie said that's why they're giving Vick this chance.
Howard said that 60 Minutes gave Vick a big break last night by doing what they did. Robin said it was the biggest puff piece she's ever seen.
Howard said Vick went out of his way to torture dogs. He said that he financed the whole thing and participated in some of the stuff they were doing to dogs. Artie said that if you have no soul and can do that to a living person or animal then it's a dangerous person.
Howard asked Robin how she missed that Vick was signed to the Eagles. Robin said she must have missed some of the 60 Minutes interview.
Gary came in and said that Will is happy that the Eagles signed Vick and he'd even wear his jersey. Howard said Will is just being silly. Gary said he wasn't being silly but Howard said he was saying that he really was being silly saying that. Gary thinks that he's serious. Howard thought he was serious too and that's what he meant when he said he was being silly.
Howard said he's not sure who is watching this dog fighting stuff. He said that if Vick can say that he went to jail for this then maybe kids will get that it's not right. That's why the humane society is taking shots at this guy.
Howard played an audio clip from the 60 Minutes interview where Vick was apologizing to dogs, cats, reptiles and other things that people keep as pets.
Howard also pointed out that the reporter in the interview wasn't a regular guy on 60 Minutes. Robin said that's why she thought it was a puff piece. She said that they had a sports fan come in and do the interview. Robin said that's why she thought it lacked any credibility to her. She said that the guy wasn't willing to meet the press. Robin said the guy was beating dogs and he got a puff piece out of it.
Howard said that they were beating the teeth out of the dogs and cutting their faces off and things like that. Howard said he met one of the bull dogs that was in a dog fighting group. He said that English Bull Dogs are the nicest dogs. They had hammered out the teeth in this dog. Howard said this dog also had the folds on its face were cut off. He said it was unbelievable. Howard said the dog was the friendliest dog even after that had all been done to it. It just wanted to be around people.
Howard said that Vick wasn't putting any thought into his life when this stuff was going on. Howard said the guy was shitting up his job while he was doing this and not thinking about his future. Artie said that he had a great career going on when all of that happened too.
Howard said that CBS has a future in NFL football so he thinks that's why they did this puff piece on 60 Minutes. Robin said that they gave the guy a cushioned pillow for this interview and they threw him softball questions like ''Are you sorry?'' in that interview.
Artie said that Vick is going to catch so much shit out on the road because the Eagles are one of the most hated teams in the NFL. He said that they'll probably bring dogs to the games and stuff like that.
Howard said Vick is back and there's nothing they can do about it. He said he can't interrupt his day over it.
Howard said they were talking about flying commercial flights from home but he would want the pilot on the plane with him. Howard said he wants the guy's life to be at risk along with his.
Howard said they were showing some video of the Taliban guys being attacked and the homes they were living in were like shacks. He said that they have nothing going on over there and it looks like a fuckin' hell hole. He said it's just one big desert over there.
Howard was talking about how they're only good at tearing shit down. They blow stuff up and that's how they operate. Robin said they destroyed stuff in their own country because that's all they can do. Howard said they just destroy and don't build anything for anyone.
Howard said the Taliban are like the terrestrial radio people who are just tearing down all of the stations. Howard said that he was talking to someone from WBCN and that station used to be huge in Boston. Howard said that it was the pinnacle of the radio business. Howard said Charles Laquidera is retired and living in Hawaii now. He said that Charles was big up on WBCN.
Howard said he got a note from someone telling him about WBCN and how it fell apart after he left there. He said that it was valued at over $200 million and now it's down to about $50 million. He said that CBS lost $150 million in value after he left.
Howard said Charles Laquidera is having fun in Hawaii and he was pretty eloquent talking about WBCN. He had some of the audio of him talking to a reporter about it. Howard played some of that interview and Laquidera was talking about how the people at CBS are known for destroying stations like that.
Howard said CBS really is like the Taliban the way they destroy radio stations. Howard said he's not sure why Sumner Redstone puts up with it.
Howard played more of the Laquidera interview where he was talking about the downfall of WBCN. He said he was very honored to have been part of WBCN while he was there. He listened to the station and he loved the audience there. Howard said he agrees with him on that stuff. He said it was like Boston's Woodstock.
Howard said sometimes people get a little too emotional about radio stations but Charles was right. He said that they over managed that station and ruined the heart of the station.
Howard said he was reading about Sarah Palin looking for a radio show. Howard said she's probably reading about how much these guys like Rush Limbaugh are making and wants to try it. He said it's not that easy to just go in and do a show and get an audience. Howard said that David Lee Roth proved that. He said that David thought he could go in and talk to the fans like he does talking to them at a concert. That's just not the way it works.
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Howard said he put in ''PS 22'' and got nothing. He said he didn't get anything at all in that search. He said he tried ''PS 22 Chorus'' and got nothing again. Howard said that this Bing wasn't working at all for him. He said he went to Google and put in ''PS 22 Chorus'' and it popped right up for him.
Howard said he's not sure what Microsoft is doing but this Google knows what it's doing with search. Howard said he's going to stick with Google. Gary told Howard that they put in what Howard said he searched for and it came right up in Bing. Howard said that's not what happened for him. He said that Bing was bullshit. Howard said he didn't want them shooting the messenger. He was just telling them what his experience was.
Robin said she just tried the Bing thing and it worked for her. Howard told her to just go to Google and it works easier. Artie said that Howard must be being paid by Google. Howard said he'd like to be paid by Google but that's not happening.
Howard took a call from a guy and referred to him as ''pal'' and got annoyed at himself. Howard said he hates that word. He said it really bothers him. Howard apologized to the caller for calling him ''pal.''
Howard said that David Brenner asked him to give him a plug for his web site and mentioned that pal thing. Howard asked Gary what the name of Brenner's web site was. Gary told him he had it on a piece of paper there. The note started off with ''Hi Pal...'' Howard said that drives him crazy. He said that his web site is DavidBrennerSite.com
Howard said that whole Pal thing drives him nuts. Robin said there's nothing wrong with pal but it drives Howard nuts.
The caller's connection was horrible so Howard asked him to get to his point. The caller asked if he thinks that ''District 9'' will get a sequel. Howard said he thought the movie was great but it got horrible reviews. Howard said he thought he was kind of with it and knew that it was a good one. Howard said the same thing happened with ''Spread'' which he thought was great. Howard said that District 9 was number one at the box office over the weekend. He said that they did set up the movie so it will be a sequel and the sequel will be called District 10.
Howard said he got a screener copy of the movie to watch at home. He said he got a blurry copy and it had his name all over the movie so he can't copy it and sell it. Howard said they carry on with these movies like that and he'll never ask for another screener like that ever again. Howard said the movie is 70 percent subtitled and it was hard to read with the blurry movie. Howard said he's thinking that Quentin doesn't even know that they're doing this kind of thing to people.
Howard said he loved the movie despite all of the obstacles. Howard said Brad Pitt was in it and there were some other great actors in it. Howard said they have Jews scalping Nazis and bashing them in the heads with baseball bats and other things.
Howard said it would have been nice if that was a true story. He said that the Nazis seemed pretty easy to beat in the movie. Artie said that's too bad it wasn't true at the time. Howard said that he enjoyed the movie and he'll talk to Quentin today about that.
Robin said that he knows very little about music and she can't believe he's saying that. Howard said he's a music critic and that's what he thinks. Robin said he was the most important man in rock and roll maybe. Howard said it was for all music!
Howard said he thinks that all of the Beatles were great too. Speech Impediment Man asked what his favorite song was. Howard said he really loved ''Mother'' and a couple of others. He said that ''Imagine'' was overrated though. He said he doesn't have a favorite. There are too many that he likes to pick just one. He and Artie rattled off a couple of great songs that Lennon and the Beatles had come up with.
Howard asked Fred to pick just one song. Fred picked ''A Day in the Life'' and ''I Am the Walrus.'' Robin said ''Come Together'' but no one agreed with her on that. Howard said that they had some amazing songs. They were going back and forth talking about Lennon and McCartney.
Howard said that Neil Young had some amazing music too but he's not greater than John Lennon. Artie said he was thinking about Howard last night. He was watching stuff on TV early this morning and they had a Neil Young special on that he thought Howard would like. They talked about some of his great songs during that discussion.
Speech Impediment Man asked if Neil Young was at Woodstock when Crosby Stills and Nash were there. Fred didn't think he was but Gary did. Gary said he was listening to the Woodstock channel this weekend and he thought they said he was there. Fred still insisted that he wasn't there.
Speech Impediment Man was having some problems with some words so the guys were goofing on him about that. He had some trouble with ''Deja Vu'' and was saying ''Dave La Boo.''
Speech Impediment Man was asking about who the greatest teams were in rock and roll. Howard said that he just said that Lennon was the greatest so he would obviously say that the Beatles were the best. Howard said he wasn't sure what this was all about. Robin said that Speech Impediment Man was just pretending that he was sitting around getting high with Howard. Howard said if he was getting high with him, he'd just have him repeat ''Deja vu'' over and over again.
Howard asked Speed Impediment Man what his speech impediment is caused by. He said he's not even sure but it may have had something to do with him hitting his head on the dashboard of his parents car when he was growing up. It may be brain damage of some type.
Gary said that Neil Young was at Woodstock. He just read about why he wasn't in the Woodstock movie and they had to crop him out of the frame if he was shown at all.
Howard asked why he would want a grey beard. Gary said he has grey in his hair too. He said he just wants to see what it looks like. Howard said that the fans have been writing in and saying that it looks like a big ring around his teeth and lips. Gary said some people were saying that it looked white because his breath had turned it white.
Howard said he wouldn't draw a circle around the features he doesn't like on his face. He said that his lips and teeth are the biggest features and he's drawing attention to them with the beard. Gary said he thought it was kind of camouflaging them. Howard said it was like putting a target on them. Howard said he could cover it up with a plastic bag or something.
Speech Impediment Man asked him to wear his bee keeper's mask again. Gary said ''Shut up you retard.'' That led to Fred playing a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the Three Stooges theme song for Gary.
Howard read some mail he got about Gary's goatee and the fans are saying that it's drawing too much attention to his lips and teeth.
Artie said that John Boy has pissed Howard off before. Howard said he doesn't remember that if he has. He said he doesn't think that much about the guy. Artie said he doesn't either.
Howard thought that John Boy was the same guy who hangs around with High Pitch Eric. Artie said that's Irish John. Howard thought they were the same guy.
Speech Impediment Man asked Howard about Gary's beard compared to Bobo's hair piece. Howard said that you can't be wearing a hair piece these days. He said he's sympathetic to guys who lose their hair but the fake hair is just not good. Howard said it sucks that guys lose their hair on the top of their head and the hair still goes on their face and sometimes on their back.
Howard said he had a moustache when he was at WNBC and it was the world's worst. Speech Impediment Man said that he had a porno moustache. Howard said that's what it was.
Howard said he did have a little bit of hair on his chin at one time but Beth asked him to shave it off. Artie said that he once shaved half his beard off on a bet. Howard asked if he would do a Hitler moustache for a week for 10 grand. Artie said that he would do that. Howard said he wanted to go on Letterman with the Hitler moustache to bring it back into style. He said that you look like a dick if you have that moustache going though.
Howard read the email that Speech Impediment Man sent in about Artie. Artie gave him a hard time last week when he called in. Howard said it was just a joke and Artie asked him to just give him a break because he has to know they're good.
Howard read some feedback about the Joan Rivers interview last week. Everyone was upset that she was on once again. Howard said he guesses that he was wrong about her. Howard read that some of the fans picked up on Artie not liking her as a guest. Artie said he just said that he didn't think that she liked him. He agreed that she is on the show quite a bit too though.
Speech Impediment Man was asking about Joan but Howard heard that and said he had to bail out on the call. He said that he'd been on long enough but his call was great because of the ''deja vu'' thing. Speech Impediment Man said ''Dave La Boo'' once again for them.
The guys started doing their Speech Impediment Man impressions and started asking him dopey questions. Howard asked him what was better, Mexican or Puerto Rican. Speech Impediment Man said that it was Puerto Rican because Prince was a Puerto Rican. Artie said he's actually black and Italian. Speech Impediment Man didn't know that.
The guys asked Speech Impediment Man some more questions but Howard had to wrap up and move on. Howard let Speech Impediment Man go a short time later. Howard said they call him SIM on the phone screen.
Howard let SIM go but he and the guys spent a couple more minutes comparing people that appear on the show. They were comparing people like Hank the Dwarf and Beetlejuice. They said that Hank was great but maybe they should pick the living guy. They even compared air and water. They were doing their Speech Impediment Man impressions when they would ask about the two things they were comparing. Howard even compared the letters C and K. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Howard asked if she still takes shits at work. Lisa said that she does. She said she can't help it because she eats dinner early. She said she'll have to stop now that Howard is talking about it.
Howard asked Lisa if she has trouble with the dry paper getting all of the remnants. Lisa said that she doesn't have a problem with that. Howard said he has to use wet napkins to do that. He said he brings Wet Ones with him in his man purse. He said if he uses dry paper he has skid marks in his pants.
Howard said he once wore a bathing suit and he has to wear one with a lining in it. Howard said the lining had a big skid mark in it and it was because of the dry paper. He said he uses the Wet Ones and cleans up back there really well. He said he can't use dry paper.
Howard said that he wouldn't want to come back in a future life as one of his Wet Ones. He said that his ass is pristine though. He told Robin to take a look back there. Robin said ''No thanks.'' Howard said he could bang a chick right after taking a shit because he cleans himself so well.
Howard said he's nice and clean and he could bang Robin right now and she wouldn't detect any odor. Artie said he's glad that he does this because so many people walk around with a shitty ass. He said he had a buddy who used to clean bathrooms at a gas station and they would shit in the urinal. Artie said that people are gross and probably 70 percent of the people are walking around with shitty asses.
Howard said he loves his Wet Ones and has to thank that company for their product. Howard said Lisa takes a shit at work and he just can't do that himself. Howard said his body shuts down at work and he can't go at work. Howard said he has to go at home.
Lisa said that someone was taking a dump while they were on the cell phone at work. Artie said he Twitters in the shitter. Lisa said she doesn't think that much about going there. She said that it's clean back there after she goes. She said that she doesn't have a smelly ass. Howard said there has to be a smell. He found out that she had just shit at work about an hour ago. Howard said that if they bent her over and sniffed, she would stink. She said she won't be able to go to the bathroom for a week after this.
Lisa got to her news preview and mentioned a story about how the vending machine company stopped by and found that the machine that Artie was complaining about didn't have a problem like Artie thought. Artie said ''bullshit'' because he knows there are people there who would back him up on that. He said that the number 1 on the machine was broken for a couple of weeks. He said that they fixed it and now they're saying that it wasn't broken.
Artie said that the guy who Lisa was quoting came to the machine after it was fixed. That led to them playing the ''Artie Loves The Vending Machine'' song parody. Artie thanked them for that. Artie said the women singing those songs really have great voices and they're wasting their time doing song parodies about him.
Lisa said that Lisa Lampanelli has corrected Joan Rivers on what she said about her last week. Lampanelli said that Joan needs to clean her ears to hear what's being said about her roast master thing. Lisa G also said that Lampanelli is having a great time with her new boyfriend jimmy Big Balls lately.
Howard said he's glad that Lisa Lampanelli found a boyfriend and he's wondering why Lisa G can't find someone like that. Howard asked her if she dated anyone this weekend. Lisa said it was too hot to do anything this weekend. She said she doesn't do well in that kind of heat.
Howard asked Lisa what she did over the weekend. She said she worked on her computer and went out to dinner. She said no one invited her to their pool or anything. Artie said if he asked her out he thinks that she would say yes. He said that he has a girlfriend though so he can't do that. Lisa said she would go out for fun but it wouldn't be for sex. Artie said bullshit to that.
Lisa said that Artie has a little more ways to go with his weight loss. Artie said that he'll never be all better like she wants him to be. He said that his shrink was saying that he's not curable and he's always going to be nuts. Howard said that he's looking like he has dark circles under his eyes. Artie said he has a tough time every Sunday night. He said he just can't get back into things the way he needs to.
Lisa said that Gary's toe fungus is back. She said that he's been fighting it for 3 years now and it's come back to him. Lisa said that she spoke to a doctor who said that Gary's hygiene must be kind of dirty. She said that he shouldn't be wearing the same shoes two days in a row and had some other advice for him.
Howard was freaked out by the conversation because Gary is coming to his house soon. Gary said that it's not going to spread. Howard said he'll be walking around bare foot in his house but now he'll have to wear socks the whole time. Howard said Gary is going to be barefoot in his house. Gary said he'll put socks on.
Artie said that Gary doesn't have athlete's foot because he saw him throw that pitch at the Mets game and he's no athlete. Artie said that Gary will be bare foot at the gym and take a shower and that's how you get that kind of stuff.
Gary said that he doesn't do that and he wears sandals at the gym. Howard said he has rubber sandals that he wears at the gym but they're his sandals. Gary said that they doesn't bring his own sandals to the gym. He said they give him some there at the gym. Howard told Gary he wants his toes covered at all times.
Howard said that his father was calling in because he had a whole saga going on. Howard said some guy wrote a book about horse racing and the guy asked him to send his father the book. Howard said he didn't call his father to let him know what was going on but he sent it to his dad. Howard said he FedExed the package to him and his father got the package while they were out to lunch. They were out to lunch at the time so they had a note from FedEx waiting for them. They freaked out about the whole thing. Howard said his mother turned it into a tragedy.
Ben said that they needed a signature and that's what threw them off. Howard said he didn't know that they weren't going to be home at the time. He did an impression of his mother talking about this and it was like a nightmare.
Ben said that the book was from South Africa and the note the guy left for him was saying that the book isn't available in the United States. He said that the guy subscribes to the show over the internet and that was mind boggling to him.
Ben said the book was good and everything was discussed as if they're in South Africa. He said that he did like the book and he says you have to treat it as a hobby and not make a big deal out of it like you're going to make a living at it.
Ben said that he'd give the book a thumbs up. He said that he's not sure what it even sells for but he liked it.
Howard asked Ben what he thought about the Michael Vick thing. Ben said that the guy gave up so much for this dog fighting thing. He said that he had a home, a life and a career and it all went when he got caught doing the dog fighting thing.
Ben said that the whole thing is heinous but the guy did pay his price. He said that he went to prison and he got out after serving his time. Ben said that he's an entertainer and he's just going back to doing that. He said that he's like Rush Limbaugh in that way. He said that he gets bored with Rush Limbaugh when he listens to him though.
Ben said that Rush is doing a show to keep an audience and he's just an entertainer. He found a format that works for him. Ben said that this guy is an alien the way he talks about Obama though. He said that Rush seems to hate the country the way he talks about the President. He said it's anti-American because he's not giving the guy a chance.
That all led to Ben talking about all of the President's that he's voted for in his life. He started out with FDR and went through everyone since then that he's voted for. Howard would talk about them a little bit about each one during that discussion. Ben said he thought Howard was going to be upset when he heard that he had voted for Nixon. Howard said he was a fan of Nixon's so he's not sure why he'd think he'd be upset about that.
Howard asked his dad about voting for the first President Bush and for Clinton. Ben said that he didn't vote for Bush's son. They talked about how George W. wasn't into the job like his father was. They were also talking about how Obama is at least working at his job and trying to make the country better. Ben said that he's actually trying and he likes that.
Ben and Howard were also talking about Hillary Clinton and the kind of job she's doing. Howard asked Ben what else he had going on. Ben said that was about it. He told people to stay out of the public showers without shoes on.
Howard said Gary has that fungus and he has to stay out of the whole public shower thing. Ben said that if he ever gets athletes foot he'll regret it. Howard let his dad go a short time later.
Howard said he's so sorry he sent that book to his father. He said that he felt guilty about it though. He said the guy was nice enough to send something to his dad. Howard said that he had actually thrown the book in the garbage but had second thoughts about it. He said that he has to be like Ringo Starr and just tell people not to send him anything. That led to Fred playing the ''Peace and Love'' clip that Ringo had done for his fans asking them not to send fan mail to him anymore. He said he wasn't going to sign anything for his fans anymore.
Howard said he knew when that book came that it was going to be trouble. He said he sent it over FedEx and his mother calls him complaining about the saga they went through to get it. Howard did his impression of her telling the story and said he didn't even know what book she was talking about at first. In his mother's voice he told the story about FedEx not leaving the book there and only leaving the note for them in their mail box. He said that she was saying that it might be something in his will or something like that so they were worried about it.
Howard said his father read the book and he probably thought he had to read it because maybe he had vetted it or something. Howard said he doesn't think his dad liked the book but he was just saying it on the air like he did. Howard said his mother told him that he did read the book but he may not have liked it that much.
Howard said that his parents were complaining about getting the book like it took a big chunk out of their day. Howard said his mother has to meditate and all of that. He realized that he had screwed up their whole day with that book.
Howard played another interview that Wolfie did with a guy about the Vick thing. The guy was joking around about the whole thing and thought that he wasn't that bad of a guy and he would even let Vick watch his dog.
Another guy said that Vick had just made a mistake and they shouldn't hold this against him. The guy was saying that Vick was a rich black man and he had to be made an example of. The guy said that Vick got a second chance and they have to let him do it. He said that he would let Vick watch his dog because he knows that it would be disciplined. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had the guys bring in Quentin Tarantino. Howard said it was great to see him. Quentin said that the couch was throwing him off in there. He said he was digging it though.
Howard told Quentin about the screener copy he got with his name all over it and being all blurry. Quentin jokingly told him that's the way he shot the movie.
Howard told Quentin that he liked the movie a lot. He said that he thinks he has a hit on his hands. Quentin thanked him for that. Howard asked why he cast Eli Roth, who used to sit outside his door on the set of Private Parts, instead of casting him in a part. Quentin told Howard he does a great Boston accent so that's why he got Eli in there.
Howard asked Quentin about John Travolta and if he called him to talk to him about his son dying. Quentin said that he didn't hear about it right after it happened. He was over in Germany and he still hasn't called the guy to talk to him. He said that he's very immature about that kind of thing.
Howard asked Quentin about being close with guys like Travolta after making a movie with him. Quentin said that they do get close but you only see each other every couple of years. He said they don't go out and meet at the corner bar or anything like that.
Howard said Quentin's casting kind of confuses him sometimes. He said that Travolta was an odd pick for Pulp Fiction was strange. Quentin said he always liked the guy and he just got together with him to meet him once and it wasn't even for the movie. He said that he wanted to see if he clicked with the guy to see if they could maybe work on something some day. Howard asked why he hasn't had a meeting with him about something like that. Quentin said that he doesn't need a meeting with Howard after doing the show.
Howard asked Quentin about getting Brad Pitt to do his movie. Howard said he read that he had gone to meet Brad when Angelina was still in the hospital having her kids. That was over in France. Quentin said that he and Brad didn't know each other but they had seen each other from time to time. He said that they both knew they wanted to work together on something. He said he was writing this script and he thought that Brad would be great for the role. Howard said he was actually very good in that role too. Quentin said that he thought he did a great job in the role. Howard said he's actually a great actor.
Quentin said that Brad gave him everything he needed and he figures he's working with him at the best time of his career. Howard said that's probably because Brad wants to get out of the house away from those kids. Quentin didn't seem to think that was the case.
Howard asked Quentin about banging Uma Thurman. Quentin said he wasn't going to talk about stuff like that. Howard said he has a feeling that something went down with them. Quentin moved on even though Fred was playing some porn clips as Howard was talking about the sex thing.
Howard read that Quentin had made out with Kathy Griffin. Quentin said that he didn't have sex with her but he did make out with her. Howard asked him about Margaret Cho and doing her. Quentin said that she is pretty crazy and she talks a lot about sex. Howard asked if she was the best he had ever had. Quentin said no to that. Howard tried to get him to talk about Uma but he was refusing to say anything about that.
Howard asked Quentin about how long it took to write this ''Inglourious Basterds'' movie. Quentin said it took about 6 months and he wrote it on his own. Howard asked how he knows how to write this stuff. Quentin said that's what writers do.
Howard asked where he comes up with these ideas. Quentin said he loves genre movies and he thought it would be cool to do a war film where a bunch of guys are on a mission. He said that something like that hadn't been made in a while so that's why he came up with the idea. He said that he thought about what kind of guys would be in this group and that's when he came up with the American Jews on a mission to get the Nazis.
Howard asked Quentin about calling up Brad Pitt's agent to find out if he was available to do this movie and if the agent said ''fuck you.'' Quentin said that he told the agent that he had to meet with Brad right away and he wanted to get the movie going. He said that he knew he had the funding available so he just wanted to get the whole thing going as soon as possible. He said that he knew that the Weinstein brothers would let him do the movie and he wasn't worried about them not liking the script.
Quentin said it turned out to be the right time for Brad to do a movie and he was available so things worked out. He said that Brad doesn't let himself get all backed up with movies so he has time to do stuff like this. He said that he didn't have a ton of money to pay the guy but he thinks that he paid Brad something like $9 million for this.
Howard asked Quentin who he would have gotten if Brad wasn't available. Quentin said he never had a back up plan for that. He said that he was going to get Brad no matter what. Howard figured he wanted to get away from the kids so maybe that's why he was so willing to do the movie. Quentin said he met all of the kids and it was kind of cool seeing them. He said that the kids were all over Brad and calling him ''dad'' and things like that. He said it was kind of sweet with the little girl calling him dad and he wouldn't mind something like that himself.
Howard asked Quentin if he was startled when he saw the black kids in the family. Quentin said it wasn't startling at all to him. Howard said that means he must not be a racist.
Howard asked what Brad Pitt said about doing the movie. Quentin said that Brad had a problem with the end of the movie and he wanted to talk about where he was coming from with the ending of the movie. He said he didn't want to spoil the movie but he did say that he goes one way with it and history went another way with it.
Quentin said he and Brad went out to dinner and Brad brought up the ending of the movie. He asked him what his take was on it but told him that he was going to do the movie no matter what. He was just trying to get his take on it.
Howard asked if Brad asked why he spelled bastards ''Basterds.'' Quentin said he didn't bring that up at all. Quentin said that's something that just doesn't come up and no one asks about it.
Howard asked if Angelina had come home while he was visiting with Brad. He said that she was in the hospital at the time having twins. Howard asked if they have help there at their house because Brad and Angelina claim they don't. Quentin said they do have friends that help them out.
Quentin said he was at Brad and Agelina's until about 3 in the morning. Howard asked if he ever worried that he was annoying them by staying so late. Quentin said that he had flown all the way to France to visit them so he didn't think that would come up.
Quentin said that things eventually ended and he went to his hotel. He said that Brad had this big brick of hash and he was going to give him some for the night. He said that Brad whipped out a knife and cut up a big sliver for him and the stuff was pretty good. He said that he asked for a pipe to go with it and Brad handed him a Coke can to use instead. Quentin said that would make for a great scene in a movie and he may have to use that.
Quentin said that he doesn't get paranoid when he smokes hash. He said that he does with pot though. Howard said he would get paranoid if he smoked that stuff and he'd have to run out of the room if he did. Quentin said that people can bond by doing stuff like that and he really doesn't get paranoid smoking hash. Howard wondered why that is because he gets paranoid on either one.
Howard said that Quentin should have yelled at Brad for taking that hash out. He said that would have been funny. Howard said he wants to smoke hash with Quentin and talk about fucking Uma Thurman.
Howard said he could spent all day talking to Quentin about meeting with Brad Pitt. He said he could never spend that much time with Brad Pitt and not worry that he was bothering him. He said that Brad can't stay up that late because he has kids who are going to wake him up a few hours later.
Quentin said he and Brad didn't just talk about the movie. They were all going around the property in a dune buggy type of thing and they all checked out the property. He said that the kids got in it and they had to drive around to see the huge vineyard that they were at. He said that they have a recording studio on the property that was the one where Pink Floyd recorded ''The Wall.''
Howard said he didn't know that Brad Pitt had so much money. Quentin said that he's been at it for a long time and he's also married to Angelina Jolie.
Howard asked Quentin about the kind of money he made on this movie. Quentin said that he gets a good back end deal on the movie. He said that the movie studio would probably rather give him one big pay day than give him the back end deal though.
Howard asked Quentin if he went to the bathroom and made doody at Brad's house. He said he didn't remember if he had done that but he did use the bathroom.
Howard asked Quentin if he's nervous about the movie doing well. He said that he is because he has worked with the Weinstein's for a long time and he wants them to do well.
Howard asked about Eli Roth again and talked about how he met him at Lindsay Lohan's house. Quentin said it wasn't quite like that. He said that they were at a club and met and Lindsay asked them if they wanted to go back to her house for a party. Howard asked Quentin if he would bang a chick like that. Quentin said that he's not into chicks that young. He said that she has some friends who are older so that's the kind of chicks he might go after.
Quentin said that Lindsay thought that Eli was his assistant so he was telling her that it was actually his younger brother Ernie Tarantino.
Howard asked Quentin if he would ever put Lindsay in a movie. He figured that he wouldn't because of all of the nonsense she's always up to. Quentin said he thinks she's a terrific actress so he would like to put her into something. He said if he thought she would be a problem he wouldn't put her in one.
Howard asked Quentin what his age limit is on who he will date. Howard asked if he would date a 20 year old. Quentin said that he wouldn't date a girl that young. He said that a 20 year old doesn't really have a life. He said he'd need someone maybe 25 or 26. Howard said he likes that. Even Quentin said that it wasn't that big of a difference but he did think that the 5 years would make a difference.
Howard asked Quentin what the oldest chick was that he had dated. Quentin had to think about that one. Gary said he saw Quentin interviewed and saying that he would have kids when he's about 60. Howard said that's about right and that would be a good time to have kids.
Quentin said that he's 45 now and he really wants to get out of directing by the time he's 60. He said that would be a good time to get into just writing and raising a family.
Howard said that he wanted to hear Quentin's comments on David Carradine. Quentin said that he has thought about the auto erotic asphyxiation but he has never done it. He said that he brought it up with some girls and they wanted to go through with it. He said he had second thoughts about it after they said yes. He said that he would never do it on his own because you can pass out and hang yourself. He said he wouldn't want that to happen.
Howard asked Quentin if he was shocked that Carradine was into that. Quentin said that he's not sure that was the case but for the sake of the conversation, he thinks that's fucking bad ass. He said he went out great as far as he's concerned.
Howard said that he thinks differently. He said that guy was Kill Bill and Kung Fu and he went out like that and it wasn't cool in his opinion.
Quentin said that David lived 5 people's lives. He said that he was a wild dude. Howard said he wants to be wild too and asked what he can do to be wild. Quentin said that he was a hippie and an artist and he went by his own rules. He said that guy really just lived a life. He said that he was great to work with too. Quentin said it was sad for the people who will miss him but the way he went out was doing it right.
Howard asked Quentin about his foot fetish. Quentin said he doesn't have a fetish but he does like the lower end of the female body. Howard asked if he's really into feet. Quentin said that he likes feet and legs. Howard asked who has the nicest feet in Hollywood.
Howard asked Quentin how he wants to go out. He asked if he wants to die in bed having sex. Quentin said that he digs the idea of living to be 100. He said that he would like to go on that long.
Howard asked Quentin why he won't do a comic book movie like Superman or anything. Quentin said that there would have been a time to do that but that time may be passed. He said he wouldn't do an established comic book and he would have to come up with something of his own if he did one. Howard said that's what he likes about him. He said that's what this ''Inglourious Basterds'' was like. He had something he started from scratch and it was an original idea.
Howard asked Quentin about working with Fergie on a movie and how he bit her on the ass to get her to react to something. Quentin said that he bit her because she was in a scene where she was with zombies. He said that he had to get that reaction from her and that's what he did.
Howard told Quentin he loved this one scene where the guys were in a tavern and also another one in a movie theater. He didn't want to spoil anything and didn't give many details about those scenes.
Howard asked Quentin about walking out of ''Natural Born Killers'' even though he had written it. Quentin said that he went to see it and knew that it might be bad. He said that he and Juliette Lewis went to see it and she was the one who told him that they should get the fuck out of there. He said that some people heard her say that so that's how that story got out there. Quentin said that Oliver Stone re-wrote the script and you just can't do that to him.
Howard asked who the biggest pain in the ass was that he worked with. He asked if it was De Niro. Quentin said that wasn't the case. He said that he was great to work with. Quentin said that the tape that got out where they were talking about him was about negotiating his deal.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Quentin is a great director and he needs to make something with Howard Stern. Howard said Quentin looks at him and sees nothing. Howard said the negotiations would drive him nuts.
Howard said that he's proud of Quentin and he loved the movie. He said that the movie is in subtitles a lot but it had to be that way and he respects that. Howard said that the next time he comes in he has to talk about defecating at Brad Pitt's house.
Quentin talked about the robotic toilets they have in Japan and how strange that can be to use. He said that they're robotic and will do all kinds of strange things to you to clean you up down there.
Howard asked Quentin about this book that was written about him where the author claimed that he didn't like to clean himself. Quentin said that he knew that book was kind of nasty and didn't want to read it. He said that he does clean himself though and he smelled fine this morning.
Howard said he's had books written about him before and they were filled with stories that just weren't true. He said that he gets angry about that stuff.
Howard asked Quentin about the Germans and if they were mad that he was making a movie about the Nazis. Quentin said it was just the opposite and they didn't get upset with him at all.
Howard had Mariann from Brooklyn on the phone. She asked Quentin if he had to be totally out there to be an actor and told him that he and King of all Blacks could have a foot fetish show together. Quentin said that actors have to be smart and there are some dumb ones out there that he's worked with before. He said that his material can be kind of deep and you have to be smart to get it. He said he doesn't put quotes around his jokes and some people just don't get them.
Howard asked Quentin if he's dating anyone right now. Quentin said that now that he has his life back he may start dating. He didn't really have any relationships in Germany but he did hang out with some people. Howard asked if he ever pays for sex. Quentin said he never pays for pussy. He did when he was younger but not anymore.
Howard asked Quentin what he's doing today. He said he'll be doing Letterman this afternoon and then doing Charlie Rose. He said that it's tough to do two shows that are so totally different in one day though.
Howard asked Quentin what it'll be like doing Letterman for him. Quentin said that Letterman is like the elder statesman and he is ''the guy'' and he's the straight man to Letterman. He said the other guys are the ones who joke around with him and set him up for jokes and stuff.
Howard asked Quentin what he thinks will happen with Jay Leno's show. Quentin wasn't sure how it was going to work but Howard wanted him to say it was going to fail. Quentin wasn't sure it would because he doesn't know what it'll be about.
Howard gave Quentin some plugs for the movie, ''Inglourious Basterds,'' which is opening this Friday. Howard was going to end the interview but Artie was wondering what kind of hash Brad Pitt could have had that was so good. Quentin said that he gets the really good stuff. He was also saying that the kids were asleep when they were smoking that stuff so it was okay. They ended the interview a short time later and went to break.
Howard came back and said that they had to fire Riley Martin for selling advertising on his show on his own. He said that's just not allowed. Howard said Tim had to fire him over that. He said they even told him not to do it a second time and Riley kept doing it.
Howard said that he went to Tim and asked if he could send Riley to a therapist and get him his job back. He said that Dr. Keith Ablow is going to be the shrink on the show and Riley is going to do that. They're going to give Dr. Keith some tapes of Riley and have him try to get Riley to understand that he's wrong. That show will be happening soon.
Gary said it's actually going to be happening at 2pm on Howard 101 this Friday. He said the show will be live and not pre-taped. Howard said ''Wow!'' to that.
Howard said they were going to have Joey Boots on the phone today but they ran out of time. Howard said he had his father on the phone and then Quentin came in and it got kind of late to get to Joey. Howard said they were also going to play the Amish Game today but they ran out of time for that as well. They'll be doing those two things tomorrow instead.
Howard said that RFD is on in like 40 million households and he was only being watched by 49,000 viewers. Howard said that the guy fails and he gets more business deals. He doesn't understand that. Steve said that the FOX business channel only gets about 21,000 viewers so Imus could get them more viewers.
Howard said when the E! network hired him to do his show on their network, they sat him down and said they weren't able to get added to any cable systems. Howard said he told them that if they hired him he'd get them on cable networks within 3 weeks. They didn't believe it would happen but he did quadruple their coverage on the cable networks in that time so he was right. He said that Imus keeps being rewarded for doing nothing and he doesn't get that. Artie said it is unreal that the guy is still around.
Steve said that Captain Janks is now facing felony charges about his no-show road show. He also said that Artie has a supporter who thinks that Artie can become the mayor of Hoboken if the fans vote for him. Artie said he might have to accept it if he gets elected.
Steve said they have a special show tonight called the Geek Show with Ralph and Jon Hein hosting it. Ralph was on the line to plug that. He said they'll be talking about all kinds of geeky movies and TV shows and they'll have Damon Lindelof on the show to talk about ''Lost.'' Damon is the co-creator of the show.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about Star Trek for a few minutes while Ralph was on the line. Artie got them into that when he asked about some Star Trek villains. He was wondering who the best one was. Artie thought it was Ricardo Montalban. Howard said he was thinking that the Borg was one of the best and his mother was kind of like that. The Geek Show is on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. That led to the guys talking about Lisa G's shitting at work. Howard said he doesn't think that she can smell good down there if she's wiping with dry paper. Robin said that she showers after she does that. Artie said that he has found some ''shit shrapnel'' in his bathroom when he cleans up.
The guys were also talking about Gary's toe fungus. Gary said that he probably got it from wearing white socks and his feet sweating. Robin said everyone does that. Artie said that it's very contagious and Howard sighed when he heard that. Gary said he's going to cancel his visit with Howard if that's what he's feeling.
Robin started her news reading about the toe fungus that Gary has. Howard said he doesn't get why he has this fungus while everyone wears white socks and has their feet sweating. Howard said it's almost like they captured this creature and he's not being let back into the wild. Gary said that he doesn't get why he has a foot fungus and gets all of this crap while Robin is the one who claims that she almost died from her diet.
Robin said that Gary could put his feet in the sun to get rid of the fungus. Gary said he doesn't sun them but they do get sun. Robin said the fungus could also be a yeast or mold.
Fred was reading that it could be very contagious and they say to avoid walking in public areas. Gary said he wears flip-flops almost all weekend long. He said that he doesn't share his shoes with anyone either.
Howard wanted to see what was going on with his feet so Gary came into the studio. Howard didn't want him in there but Gary came in anyway. Jason came in with his camera to get some shots of it too.
Gary said Lisa G was out there talking about how bad she felt for him taking this medication to get rid of the stuff. It's bad for your liver apparently and she was saying she felt bad for him.
Howard looked at Gary's foot that had one bad nail that was discolored. Artie gave him a loud ''Holy shit!'' when he saw it. The guys talked about how ugly it was. Gary said it wasn't itchy or anything. He said that you wouldn't even know you had it if you didn't see it.
Sal was in Gary's office with green stuff on his toes. Gary said that he bets the emotional friend doesn't put green stuff on his toes. Then Sal started to pretend to eat the green stuff on his toes. Gary wondered what Sal would do without him.
Gary said he had this fungus about 3 years ago but he had gotten rid of it. Then it came back to this one toe. He said he's trying to get rid of this now.
Jeff the Drunk called in and goofed on Gary's feet. Gary said that Jeff had better not call him for any prize money this year. He said he won't help him out this year. That led to Jeff saying that he quit smoking. Gary said that he must have gained a ton of weight. Jeff said that he can't fit in his jeans now. He quit smoking about 4 months ago. Gary said he's so unhealthy he'll probably die anyway.
Robin said she heard that Alyssa Milano got married this weekend. She said she married this guy David Buiglieri and that led to Howard playing this clip of a guy saying ''A buigli ari da, uh, yagail moo, uh, mugie bugalia.''
Howard said he had Sam Simon on the phone to talk about Michael Vick. Sam said that Howard was great talking about that earlier but he wanted to talk more about it. Sam said that CBS never said that they have a 5 billion dollar deal with the NFL so that's what was wrong with that 60 Minutes interview they did. He said they glossed over a lot of stuff in that interview. Sam talked about some of the stuff that they glossed over. Howard and Robin agreed with him on that stuff and spent a few minutes talking about the interview. Sam also told Howard that he's kind of hypocritical by keeping Scott DePace working for him and talking about Vick abusing animals. Howard said that this job is punishment for DePace though.
Robin read some news about the Michael Vick interview and had some audio clips from that to play. They spent another couple of minutes on that. They had to take a break after that.
After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to pizzeria asking them to hold everything on their pizzas. Fred played some 50 Cent ''In Da Club'' as they were coming back.
Robin got back to her news and read that Paula Abdul was rumored to maybe be on Dancing with the Stars this season. Howard said that's what he wanted to ask Quentin about when he was in there. Gary said he might still be around so he said he'd go and try to find him. Howard later found out that he had already left.
Robin said that Paula isn't on the list of people on Dancing with the Stars this season. She read off the list of names which included Donny Osmond, Maya, Michael Irvan, Melissa Joan Hart, Kelly Osbourne, Debbie Mazar, Chuck Liddell, Natalie Coughlin, Joanna Krupa, Aaron Carter, Tom Delay, Cathy Ireland, Ashley Hamilton, Macy Gray and a couple of other guys. Howard said he won't be watching this season. He said the line up sucks.
Robin read about Paula Abdul wanting to be an executive producer of American Idol and demanding more money. Artie said that TV has really changed in the past 10 years or so and things are really changing. They talked about the Leno show that's going to be on at 10 five nights a week. Howard said that they're doing cheap shows on network TV and the good shows are ending up on cable networks like HBO. Howard said that TV is hopeless and people are going to miss out on a lot of great shows. Robin said that they're going to miss out on the great dramas and sitcoms on TV because of that.
Artie said that any writer that was on Seinfeld got a great deal with TV networks but now they're doing these reality shows and no one is getting paid anything. He said he had to turn down a reality show because he figured his life would be boring and he didn't want to look like an idiot doing the show. He said the good show would have been filming him when he was fucked up but he's glad that he didn't do that.
Robin said that Michael Jackson is in a freezer right now. They say that his mother visits the freezer and they're still trying to figure out where to bury him. Howard said that's creepy to visit the freezer. He said that Michael Jackson isn't in that body anymore. He said he gets why people go to visit a grave but not a dead body. That led to the guys talking about Ted Williams having his head frozen and not the rest of his body. Howard said that he can't wait until they attach his head to High Pitch Eric's body. Artie got a laugh out of that and thought it was a great idea.
Gary came in and said they have a guy coming on the show who worked at the place where they kept Ted Williams' head and they may have put it on a tuna can and knocked the head onto the floor trying to knock the tuna can off of the frozen head. Gary said they make you think that these things are treated gingerly but apparently they may not be.
Robin read a story about this guy who was arrested over the weekend for stalking. It was Kurt Angle and he once asked Robin out when he was on the show. They found human growth hormone in his car when he was arrested. Howard asked Robin why she wouldn't want to go out with that guy. He thought he was a good match at the time he was on the show.
Robin read about the Spider-Man musical that is now back on. Howard didn't like the sound of that. Robin said they had some budget constraints that held it back for a little while. Robin said that it's now back on.
Robin said that Spider-Man will be back in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this year. Howard ended up doing his Broadway Play singing for the Spider-Man thing. He made up his own song but cut it off pretty quick. Artie said that the funny thing is that this is what those songs will sound like. Robin said that this is the first time in a decade that the Spider-Man balloon is back in the parade. It's a new, updated Spider-Man though.
High Pitch Eric called in so Howard asked him if he, for a million dollars, would allow Ted Williams to live on his body with him. Eric said he would do it for that money. He asked who was going to give him that million dollars. Howard said it would be the company that's got him frozen.
Eric was saying that he would take the guy for a walk. Robin said he would be on his shoulder so he'd be with him all the time. Eric said he's going down to the Price is Right audition tomorrow. Howard wished him luck with that.
Eric said he has a girl that he's needs some advice about. Howard said he shouldn't be around any girls. Eric said he will call in tomorrow to talk about it. Artie wished him luck with the 8 shits that he takes today. Howard let Eric go after that.
Robin read that Tiger Woods had the lead in a golf tournament over the weekend but ended up losing. Robin read about the guy who won and Howard thought he looked like Hiro from ''Heroes.'' He thought he looked like William Hung at first but then changed his tune when he saw another picture of the guy.
Robin read about the golf tournament and filled Howard in on how he won over Tiger. Howard said that they may never hear from this guy again while tiger is pretty consistent.
Robin read about Usain Bolt setting a new record for the 100 Meter run. Robin also read that there will be a Battlestar Galactica movie. Robin said that they're saying that they have a director lined up to do the movie and it will probably be Brian Singer. Artie said that it's a bad era for people if you're not a nerd. He said he can't get into all of these nerdy films. He said he did like the Star Trek movie though.
Robin read that Jerry O'Connell is going back to school. He's going to law school. Howard said he sent him a note congratulating him on getting out of the house. He thinks that he's smart to do that. He sees what's going on with TV and he's setting himself up in a career. Howard said Rebecca can support the family while he's going to school.
Robin read a story about Tony Danza teaching a class for a reality show. He's going to be a co-teacher. Howard said that's a retarded idea. He said that it's not his real life and his real life is probably more interesting.
Howard said that the had a picture that a fan sent in and it was Stuttering John's new parking space at the Jay Leno Show. It was a space on the moon. Howard said he thinks that even John would laugh at that.
Robin read about a woman who is looking to sell her husband's burial plot that's right above Marilyn Monroe's tomb. Howard said he'd like that. Robin said the bids were up to over $2.5 million this weekend. Howard said he didn't want it that much. The woman is going to move her husband once the plot is sold.
Robin read some news about President Obama's town Hall meeting out in Colorado about health care. She had some audio clips to play from that.
Robin read a story about General Motors coming up with an idea for a car that would cost about $4,000 but not be sold in the U.S. It would be sold in Asia most likely.
Robin read a story about the Lutheran church debating whether or not to let gay's who are married to be allowed to join. Howard said they should just disband that church and move on.
Robin read that the mayor of Milwaukee was attacked with a pipe over the weekend as he was leaving the state fair.
Robin read about a tribute to Walter Cronkite that's being held. Howard said he would have to avoid going because he'd probably heckle Les Moonves if he saw him. Howard said he'd be asking the guy why he sued him and why the radio division is falling apart. Robin read about some of the other people who will be speaking there. Howard told her to get him booked there too. He said he should be there because he once saw Walter at his eye doctor's office.
Robin read a story about how many pot plants were rounded up in Oklahoma recently. Howard said they have to stop wasting their time with this stuff and just legalize it.
Robin had a story about a Special Ed teacher that was sending pictures and texts to one of her students. Howard said that sucks because none of his teachers ever came on to him and he's not even retarded.
Robin read about Derek Jeter setting a record this weekend. She had some audio of him talking about that. Howard was falling asleep listening to that so he had to cut it off.
Robin read about the Illinois hog calling competition and had some audio from that. They had a couple of clips and it led to Fred playing some clips of Benjy freaking out and making some similar sounds. Howard took a call before ending the show. The caller brought up how Andy Rooney called rubber bands ''elastic bands.'' Howard pointed out that the guy needs to cut his nails too. He said he still likes the guy but last night was kind of a clunker. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later, right around 11:05am.
Jon said that Quentin wasn't talking about Uma Thurman today but he did talk about making out with Kathy Griffin.
Benjy said that some people seem to think that Quentin is kind of an oddball and they don't like him because of that. Gary said he sees him as a super nerd who makes some great movies.
Benjy liked his take on David Carradine. Gary said he did leave that legacy behind though and the family has to live with that.
Jon said that Quentin talked about hanging out with Brad Pitt. He had Teddy play a clip of that moment from the interview. That's where he talked about the big brick of hash that Brad had that he cut off a sliver of for him.
Gary asked Jon how he thinks Brad is going to feel when he hears that he was talking about the hash thing on the show. Jon said he thinks that Brad will be fine with it. Benjy said that he read that since Angelina gave birth to his kids, he's stopped. He didn't stop for the adopted kids but he did for the biological kids.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was wondering if Brad is going to get pissed about that whole thing. Gary said they always heard rumors that Brad and Angelina were pot heads but they were just rumors. The caller told Gary that he got a Baba Booey license plate and wondered if Gary wanted one. The caller said he tried to get Baba Booy and Baba BQQY since it looks similar to that on the plate. Gary said that he has plates from all over the country with the Baba Booey thing on them.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they had seen the guy get clocked in the baseball game over the weekend. Gary did see that and said that he thinks the guy should sit out the rest of the season.
The caller said he thought the Quentin Tarantino interview was great but he wondered if they even tried to get Brad Pitt. Gary said he did ask about it. He said that they may or may not have asked but they do try. Gary said that Stuttering John got an interview with Brad Pitt years ago and Brad said that he watched the show all the time. He said he may be a fan but maybe he doesn't want to come on. (I lost signal for about a minute around this time so I missed some of the call. )
The guys took another call from a guy who asked if Gary going to Howard's house this summer is a guy's only type of thing. Gary said that it's not but he doesn't think that he has bad hygiene so he's not sure why Howard is worried about it. Jon asked Gary who he thinks does have bad hygiene there. Gary said that he didn't want to throw anyone under the bus but he did mention that Richard might be one and JD used to be one.
Jon said that Gary will sometimes laugh things off like that but today he didn't do that. Gary said he was in a bad mood today. He said that he was a dick today and he knows it. Gary said that he was very close to goofing on Robin about her coffee enemas but then Howard and Artie turned it back on him.
Benjy said that they always get carried away with some of the stuff they do on the show and they were almost making it seem like Gary needed to get his toes amputated to get rid of the fungus.
The guys ended up talking about Lisa G's comment about it being ''too hot'' to date this past weekend. Gary said he doesn't understand that and he's decided that she's A-sexual.
Benjy was also saying that there was a doctor who was saying that you shouldn't just wipe your ass with dry toilet paper because you don't do that if you get any on your hands. He said that you should wash down there instead of just wiping.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had a home remedy for his toe fungus. It was vinegar and Listerine on his toes for a certain amount of time. Gary said he heard about the Listerine stuff but he knows a guy who does laser surgery and he may get that done instead. He said he had it so bad at one time that his pinkie toe would be like dust when he cut his nails.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Lisa G went down a few points because she was talking about shitting. He said that any chick who does talk about that is disgusting.
The caller also thought that Howard was setting the guys up for having a kid. He said he thinks it's bullshit that Beth doesn't want kids. He said he wants to bet them that she'll be pregnant within the year. Gary took the action sand told him to leave his number and they'll get back to him in a year.
Ralph called in and said that he has a good ass cleaning tip. He said that you wet the toilet paper with water and use it as a wet wipe. He said it works great there at SIRIUS because their toilet paper is like cardboard. He said that you might have to bring a bottle of water in with you when you do it. Gary said they have a bathroom in their area where they can use the sink right next to the toilet. He said that it's a motion sensor though so it's not that easy to use. Gary said that everything there is a sensor so he's constantly waving his arms around.
Riley told him to put the socks on and then go to bed with the Hydrocortizone on. He told him to repeat that for a few days and it should be gone in a week.
Gary asked Riley if he's excited about doing the show on Friday. Riley said that he heard that Ablow was well know. Gary said he is very well known. Riley said that he thinks that he will listen to reason and he believes that things will work out.
Gary asked Riley if he will be able to take his advice even if he doesn't agree with him. Riley said this would have never happened if Tim had followed through and helped him out like he asked him to. He said he asked for just another hour or two to do some shows between the other shows. Gary cut him off and said that Riley will be doing his show with Dr. Ablow on Friday at 2pm on Howard 101.
Jon took a call from this guy Andy who is on the show ''Weeds.'' He asked Gary why Howard does't have a bidet. He said that he's had one himself for years. He said that you can get some great ones from Japan and they're great for cleaning the poop out. Andy said that they work on male and females.
Gary said that there's a lot of work going on there. Andy said it's really easy actually. Andy was also telling the guys about some thing he was using for his ass that he use. They had to take a break after that.
Gary said that no one would know because no one has been with Lisa as far as they know. Gary said Scott DePace was saying that she probably has ''swamp ass'' when she was talking about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he agrees with the other caller and how she probably smells. He said that it has to be pretty swamp ass-like back there.
Gary said he knew a guy who used to shit in the woods while he was out running and he wouldn't wipe. Gary said that had to lead to a rash.
Jon asked Gary if he's going to take Riley's advice on the foot fungus thing. Gary said he won't but he appreciates the suggestion.
Another caller asked why some people can plug stuff but Riley can't get in a plug for something and gets fired over it. Gary said that Howard never plugs stuff that he's getting personally paid for. He said that's what Riley was doing.
The caller wondered what it costs to run an ad on their channels. Gary wasn't sure about that. The caller also asked what the most expensive car was that Howard bought. Gary didn't know but he said he did have a Jaguar at one time and he hated that. He also had a Corvette at one time too.
Benjy asked Sam how the dog beating thing is different than people who eat meat. Sam said that some people would see it as being the same way. Sam said that killing cows for food isn't done as a sport so that's one difference. He said that there's a lot of ignorance there about that stuff.
Sam was also saying that there are other guys playing football in the NFL that are just as bad or worse than Michael Vick and people just don't realize it.
Sam said that there are bad characters out there and the NFL is trying to promote that they're more than football players. He said that they have criminals and felons in the NFL. He said that's what you're looking at when you watch the games.
Sam said there was another guy who killed a guy, while driving intoxicated, and he's back in the NFL and no one is making that big of a deal out of it. Sam said that this guy Vick was going around the country starting these dog rings and it was all premeditated. The guy who killed the guy while driving drunk didn't set out to do something wrong.
Gary read some quotes from Michael Vick and goofed on him a little bit about some of the dopey comments he was making. Sam pointed out some other things that Vick had said. That led to Gary reading some more quotes from Vick where he talked about loyalty when he was asked what loyalty meant to him. It was a really wacky view of loyalty. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was feeling somewhat overwhelmed. He said he had a lot going on today including some meetings with people like Mel Karmazin. He said Mel requested to see him but said that it wasn't to talk business. He said it was just to ''hang.'' Howard said he and Mel will talk for a few minutes in his office and catch up with each other. Howard said it will be business though because it's always business. Howard said he should just put some Yoga mats down and do that with Mel.
Robin said she was thinking about Quentin Tarantino's story about staying over at Brad Pitt's house until 3 in the morning and not thinking much about it. She said she heard that he's notorious for not leaving and just talking forever. She said that might be what he was up to there and didn't even realize it.
Howard said his kids stay up all night and don't even think about it. He said they miss half the day and don't even seem to care. He said he can never do that. Howard said he's always been like that and has to go to bed so he can get up early and enjoy the day.
Howard said he realized that there was nothing to do at night and that's why he'd just go to bed. He never made an issue of it with his kids though and now they want to be up all night like vampires.
Howard said he was asking Quentin about maybe leaving Brad Pitt alone and get out of his house before 3 in the morning. He said Quentin didn't seem to care. He said Pitt has kids and you'd think that maybe the guy wants to get some sleep. Howard said that was the point he was trying to make to the guy yesterday.
Howard said he heard from someone who said that his dad reminds him of his own dad and told him how lucky he is to still have them around. Howard said he really is lucky and his dad is great on the radio. He wanted to set them up so they can be on the show like once a week. He said it's tough to get a read on how they like being on the radio though. They just go around in circles telling him that they'll do anything or him but won't say if they like doing it for themselves.
Howard said he's told them that he'd like them to do a show if they would enjoy doing it but his mother will just say that they'll do anything for him. He said he just wants a yes or a no answer and he can't get that from them. Howard did the impression of his mother as he was telling this story.
Howard said his dad will ask him if he wants him to do it and tells him that they'll do it if he wants. Howard said he's not asking them to do it, he's just asking if they enjoy doing it. Howard said he's going to do an experiment where Robin will ask them if she can get an answer out of them. He thinks that they'll just give her the runaround.
Artie said he thinks that maybe it's obvious that they don't want to do it and Howard is the one who doesn't get it. Howard said it's really not that clear though.
Howard said Artie might be right based on his conversation but it's really just so confusing that it's not clear. He said it's very vague.
The caller said that he's very fortunate to have his dad and told him to enjoy every minute he has with him. Howard said that's what he was just saying a couple of minutes ago. He let the caller go a short time later. Howard said maybe he'll call his parents later and see what happens there.
Howard said the whole outfit was so bizarre looking. He said he looked like Catherine Hepburn in one of her movies. Howard said he grabbed the other outfit he had there and that one was a tank top with a white shirt and it looked retarded too. He said he took off the tank top and put on another one that was see through. He said he looked like he just came off that ''Queer Eye'' show.
Howard said he was yelling at Beth this morning over the outfits because he had to get out of there. Howard said he has to move into a different apartment because he has work going on in there so they were busy moving yesterday. He said he's saving everything until the last minute so it's all a mess. He said he really doesn't have a lot of clothing. He said he looks good in a man tailored shirt and cargo pants or something. He said he's got a strange look as far as his face and body goes.
Robin asked Howard about the shirt he was wearing in the park yesterday. Howard said it used to be red but it has faded over time and now it's almost Salmon colored.
Dominic said that over in France it's known to be okay as long as you keep it quiet. Now that they've talked about the ''brick'' of hash it may get picked up by the tabloids and it may lead to trouble. He said that he thought that Pitt would like to keep that quiet. He said that they could get into trouble since they have all of the kids and they might be smoking hash.
Howard had a clip of Brad Pitt on Bill Maher's show talking about smoking weed. He played that clip where Maher asked him about going to a party one time and he saw him rolling joints all night long. Brad claimed that he had quit in that clip.
Howard asked Dominic how his health is. Dominic said he's fine. Howard said he got some feedback about him being on TV and people were worried about him when they saw him defending this woman who died in an accident recently. Howard said he heard that Dominic has been shaking. Dominic said that's been going on for years but he's fine. He said his father had the same thing. He said his head shakes at times and especially if he doesn't eat on time.
Howard said it looks like he never misses a meal. Dominic said that he's doing fine at 64 years old and he's down to about 220 pounds. Howard said that's fine but he's only 5'4'' tall. Dominic said goodbye to him after that.
Howard said he hasn't hung out with Dominic lately. He said he was getting married and divorced so much that he didn't know what he was up to. He had to get away from that.
Howard said that they have a new contest going on there. It's to win $5,000 trying to be a better producer than Gary. The contest is sponsored by Klondike. He said that it's called the What Would You Do to Out-Produce Gary contest. He said that everyone is invited to get someone really cool to call into the show. The last time they did this they got Ben Affleck to call into the show.
Howard said that the contest rules can be found at sirius.com on the Howard Stern Show contest page.
Howard said he didn't want to over think this whole thing so they're not going to get too involved with who can or can't call in. Howard said they'll just take what they can get and see what happens.
Gary asked if they can have Mary Anne from Gilligan's Island call in and have that actually be a celerity. Howard said that would be fine but it might not be that impressive to have her call in.
Howard said Klondike is putting up 10 grand for this contest. Howard told Gary that maybe he can have Madonna's sister call in again. Gary said he had an article in the paper saying that was actually her sister. That was his excuse for that screw up. Gary said she turned into a great guest even though she wasn't actually her sister.
Howard said he's not sure why people would do this. He said he must be missing out on something. He asked what it is that he's missing. Robin said you could get your own clothing from a vintage shop and dress up like them if you wanted to.
Howard said he finds it very interesting that Richard Christy found a girl who goes along with all of his idiosyncrasies. He said that she'll go with him on his haunted house trips and all of that stuff as well as put up with him not showering.
Howard said he heard that Richard has this soundtrack he likes to go to sleep to and his girlfriend puts up with that too. He said he heard that Richard remixed this soundtrack he likes and he had to do that to make some of the sounds lower.
Howard played some of the soundtrack that Richard plays to go to sleep and it was creepy sounds with some guy talking over it telling a story. Howard said Richard listens to this every night. He asked Robin if she could go to bed to this. Robin said no. She said she thought it was just sounds but it's a whole story. Howard said you have to be retarded to listen to the same story every night.
Gary said Sal was telling him that Richard was mouthing the whole thing, verbatim, as he was playing it. Howard had Richard come in to give them the rest of the lines since he knows it so well.
Richard said that this thing is about an hour and a half long and sometimes he's asleep after track one. He said that he had to get rid of the thunder from the album because it scares them sometimes. Howard said Richard is lucky he found this girl that puts up with this stuff. Richard said he knows that and said that she's really great.
Howard played more of this story and had Richard recite the next lines. Richard tried to come up with it but he was drawing a blank.
Richard told Howard to play track 12 because he's in a graveyard at that point. Howard played some of that and Richard said that's his favorite part. He recited some of the lines and almost got it right on that one.
Howard said he's pretty sure Beth would leave him if he played this bit in bed. Richard told him he should try it out this Halloween. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Howard told Richard that he's looking like he's out of shape and he might want to cut back on the drinking. Richard said he's got a lot of trips planned and he's going to be drinking a lot of pumpkin beer when he goes out to the haunted houses and stuff. He's got a ton of trips planned and they'll be flying and taking trains to these various places.
Howard asked Richard if he's okay because he is an alcoholic. Richard said he's a happy drunk and he's doing just fine.
Robin asked if Richard's girlfriend liked the album the first time she heard it. Richard said he had to ease her into it. He said he did remix it to make the levels all the same so it doesn't startle them.
Howard asked where he got this album. Richard said it's called ''Night in a Haunted House/Night in a Graveyard'' and he got it about 15 years ago. He said he doesn't know who the narrator is either. He said if anyone knows they should contact him.
Howard asked Artie what he makes of this. Artie said Richard is deeply disturbed and he's not sure he should be friends with the guy. Fred found it annoying. Robin found it odd and Benjy said that he would probably waked up punching someone in the middle of the night listening to that. Howard said Benjy has night terrors and that's what a woman would have to worry about with him.
Richard said that he was thinking that they should film Benjy for 10 hours a night to see him having those night terrors. Howard said there are probably plenty of women who have seen that. The women he picked up from the internet.
Howard said Stuttering John's wife is like Richard's girlfriend. He said that the only thing wrong with her was that she was with John. He said she puts up with all of his crap and it's almost like slavery. He said John used to cut his nails in the living room and he'd leave the clippings there for her to clean up.
Gary told the guys that Stuttering John once spilled urine on his steering wheel and didn't tell the people he was driving to a gig with until later. He said that the guys were all scrubbing up like crazy after hearing that.
Artie told a story about going out to a show with John one time. He said that John used to get paid and he'd pay them. He said that he was walking out of the gig one night and saw that John had dropped the check he'd gotten for $12,000 and held on to it to see how long it would take for him to realize it. He said John didn't know until he was on the flight home that he didn't have it. Artie gave it to him and told him he was a fuck face.
Artie told another story about John getting out of the car and taking a piss on the way home from a gig. He said that John lost his check when he got out of the car. That meant that he couldn't pay Nick Di Paolo for doing the gig with him. Artie said that John didn't have the money because he was getting his floors done so Nick had to wait 7 weeks to get the money.
Howard said they see that there must be something wrong with Richard's girlfriend for being with him. That's the same way they feel about Stuttering John's wife when they see her with John. Richard said he and his girlfriend have a good time together. Howard said he knows that.
Fred kept playing a clip of Benjy making some weird screaming noises so Howard asked what he was doing at the time. Benjy described the scene and said he was out doing interviews at Comic-Con and they were getting kicked out so that's what he did when security kicked them out.
Howard wondered if they ever played the rest of that bit. Fred said that he had but Howard wanted to hear it again. Howard had Fred play the clip for him since he didn't remember it.
In the clip Benjy was yelling out questions about a video game demo that they were watching. Benjy was asking when it took place in the future but the people were all telling him to shut up. Benjy would say he was sorry but then he'd yell out more questions. They finally got security to come in and kick him out. Benjy argued with them the whole time they were yelling at him. Then Security came in and pulled him out.
Benjy said that he tried to escape at one point. They were asked to step out and Benjy was complaining that they wouldn't let him ask about when it took place. Then Benjy started yelling and crying making those odd noises as he was screaming and being kicked out.
Benjy said that he was outside of the place at that point and he turned around and screamed like he did. He said that it wasn't that weird for him to be dressed like a woman at that place. Richard said it really was weird. He said he was shoved out the door and that's when he started barking at them. Howard said that they're going to start airing that on Howard TV in September.
Howard thanked Richard for coming in but Richard asked if he wanted to hear the clip that wakes him up. Howard played that clip and it was another weird one where there's a church bell going off and the announcer is talking about it being midnight, he witching hour, with witch laughing sounds.
Howard said that Richard made one of these CDs for Sal's kids and Sal took it and threw it right in the garbage. Howard played another clip that Richard had remixed with Robin's laugh in it. He replaced the witch laughs with Robin's laughs. Howard said Robin was good on that one. He told her that she should get involved with those things.
Robin said that this woman gave birth to that kid and he's stepping over her as she's dying. Howard read that the guy was a nursing home worker. Benjy said that maybe he was just used to it. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that song was good but not as good as Justin Tiberlake's ''I'm bringing Sexy Back.'' Howard wasn't sure what the name of the song actually was. Fred said he thought it was ''Sexy Back.'' Howard said he dances to this song in the shower. Fred played she song and Howard said he likes the guy in the background yelling ''Yeah!''
Artie said the song was creepy and he wanted to smash his brains in when he heard the guy yelling in the background. Howard said he really has danced to this in the shower.
Howard said he was watching a new show with Antonio Sabato Jr. on it. He said he's like this big model looking kind of guy and he's trying to find a chick. He said that they took the bachelor show and did his own version of it. Howard said they have Playmate types on the show and they're all fighting over this Antonio guy. Howard said he would look at the girls and say that he didn't feel the vibe with them just by looking at them.
Howard said they threw out 4 of the girls already and it's just begun. He said that was kind of smart to do that because they don't need the bachelor show. Howard said he's hooked on it.
Howard said that TV really has chanced. He said that you have to compete with nut jobs. He said that Artie can't do a reality show because he'd have to compete with complete nut jobs like the Octomom and Antonio Sabato Jr. Howard said Danny Bonaduce's TV show was the best. He was ready to commit suicide on his show.
Howard said that it was 10 years ago, two weeks ago, that Beetlejuice filmed his famous vomiting episode. They're going to air that episode in September. They played some of Beet's vomiting clips as they were talking about that.
Howard read some email about the District 9 movie and one guy was saying that it really was a great one. Howard said he really enjoyed it. Robin said that they were talking about it on The Geek Show last night and they really liked it. Howard said he saw a new movie preview that had some vampire kids in high school.
Howard said he can't see enough Vampire movies. He also loves this season of ''True Blood.'' He said that Anna Paquin was naked again and she has perfect breasts in his opinion. He said he loves chicks who love to show their naked bodies. It's such a bonus to shows like that. Howard said he wants to see naked girls in all TV shows.
Robin told Howard that Antonio Sabato Jr. was in Melrose Place. She wasn't sure how he missed that. Howard said he didn't remember him in that. They talked about some of the modeling stuff he had done too and wondered if that's how he made money. Howard wasn't sure if he was rich or not.
Howard read some email he got about that show and the fans seemed to like it. There was only one negative one. He said that he had about 50 emails and there was just the one negative.
Robin said that the show was very good. She said Ralph got upset about not getting to all of his subjects so she told him to just calm down and save it for another show.
The caller changed subjects and brought the show to a screeching halt. Howard didn't have any idea what the guy was talking about. The caller had said that he thought Little Mikey, the song parody writer, did such a good job he deserved to have Robin's bra that's hanging in the studio. Howard didn't have a clue who he was talking about or what he was talking about.
Robin mentioned that she saw some Hogan's Heroes reruns recently and realized just how great the show was. Howard said there were a lot of great shows that got bashed when they were out. He said that Green Acres and The Beverly Hillbillies were a couple like that.
Howard said that was a real Amish guy. Gary said that Wolfie had problems even getting the people to speak into the microphone because they don't use electricity. They were afraid of it. That led to the guys talking about how they know people who are afraid of answering the phone during a lightning storm. Howard said he won't do that. He said he's afraid of getting killed by lightning.
Howard had a quote from the web that said that one person a year is killed by talking on the phone during a lightning storm. Howard talked about a soccer player who was killed by lightning too. Fred said that there was a guy who was fishing that got hit and his clothes were blown off and the zipper was melted to his crotch.
Howard wondered why Robin isn't afraid of lightning. Robin said she can't be afraid of everything. Fred said that she is a witch so maybe that's why.
Howard asked if Robin showers during a storm. Howard doesn't. Robin said she wouldn't avoid that. Howard said he waits for the storm to pass.
Howard got back to the game and told the caller that he had $500 courtesy of the ''Inglourious Basterds'' movie for him if he wins. Here are the questions and the Amish guy's answers:
The guys were talking about each question and wondering if this guy was bright or not. After the guy won the caller asked if Artie had named his book yet. Artie said they had two names picked but he wasn't sure which one they were going with. He said that one of them was ''College is for Losers'' and that's the one he may go with. That was a quote from his father.
Howard put the caller on hold to get his money. He got Pittsburgh Pete on the line to play the game too. Gary told Howard that they actually wanted him to do two this week but not back to back. Pete got pissed at Gary for doing that to him. Howard told him to calm down because he was going to play the game with another sponsor. This time it was the Man Groomer. Here are the questions and answers:
Howard said he's a softie and he just gave in. Fred asked if Pete smokes pot too. Artie said he's not sure but he was thinking ''maybe.'' Fred said if he has money for that then he should have money for health insurance. Artie said he is able bodied and he's no dummy. He said that it's pure laziness. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard said she's the number 1 most viewed show on Howard TV. He said that show was about her bra size. Howard mentioned that they have moved up the Benjy episode that he mentioned earlier. Howard said they'll have that starting tomorrow night actually. The clip of him freaking out will be on tonight but they'll air the full special next month.
Howard said that the hot chick on Dancing with the Stars is a former Miss Howard TV. That's Joanna Krupa. Howard wondered why they didn't mention that she was a former Miss Howard TV. He said that she was very hot and Artie probably said that she was the hottest one they had ever had up there at the time. Artie said he seems to remember doing that.
Lisa G had brought in some brownies for the guys and Gary was raving about them earlier. Howard did an impression of Gary talking about how great they were. Artie said he agrees with Gary about that. He slipped and almost called Lisa ''Dana'' at one point. Howard wondered what that was about. Robin asked if Dana had cooked for him or something. Artie said he was just thinking of Dana and the brownie.
Howard said he thinks that there is a love connection there between Artie and Lisa. Artie said that the brownies were extraordinary and he had 3 of them already. Lisa said that she made them over her boring weekend but they were for Gary. She said that she tastes them before bringing them in. Howard asked if she spits it out or swallows it. She said that she knows people who do that with food. She said she likes spinach and things like that.
Howard said that Lisa had mentioned that it was too hot to date yesterday when they spoke to her about her weekend. Howard said that she was out walking and baking in her apartment so it wasn't too hot to do that.
Lisa said that she was watching QVC for hours too. She said that she just gets hooked on the show and watches it for like 3 hours at a time. Howard said he didn't even know what to say to that. Artie said he would get a shotgun and blow his head off if that's the kind of life he had. Artie said that he had a bigger social life than Lisa even when he was doing heroin.
Lisa did her news preview and said that Artie is going to be doing his opening pitch for the Newark Bears tonight. Artie said that Gary is saying that it's not that much pressure for him so it might be pointless. Gary said that it would be the same for Artie as it was for him if Artie went to Yankee Stadium and threw out a pitch. Artie said that he could still fuck up a pitch even at this game. Gary could go there too and fuck up another pitch. Howard said he thinks that he could.
Howard asked Gary if he wanted to go with Artie and throw out a pitch. Gary said he had to coach football tonight. Howard said he finds it odd that he coaches and he can't even throw a ball. Gary said he doesn't have to throw as a coach.
Artie said that he guarantees that he will look like a heterosexual man when he throws out his pitch tonight. Howard said that Gary must coach the kids how to pitch in little league baseball. Gary told Howard to go out and throw a pitch. Howard said he was out throwing a ball around the other day and he was throwing fine. He said that no one ever taught him how to throw either. He said he's self taught and he can throw better than Gary can. Gary said he had one bad day.
Gary said he can throw a football. Howard asked if it's as bad as he throws a baseball. Gary said that he can throw the football better than the baseball. Howard said he's not the only one saying he can't throw. Gary said it sounds like he's the one saying it now. Howard played some of the news reports about Gary's pitch where every reporter talked about his first pitch fuck up. A couple of guys said that it was the worst pitch they had ever seen.
Howard said Gary told him he could throw a baseball before he threw that pitch, and he couldn't. Howard said Gary was out in the hall throwing the ball. It was Sal in his Gary mask and he was having trouble throwing and catching. Gary said that wasn't acting for Sal either.
Lisa said that they have a doctor who does toe fungus procedures with a laser. They say that it is contagious but only if you're susceptible to toe fungus.
Howard said it was funny yesterday when Riley Martin called the Wrap Up Show and told Gary how to get rid of his toe fungus. He played some of that audio where Riley suggested using Epsom salt and hot water to soak his feet. Then he told him to use Hydrocortizone 10 on his feet and keep his feet in white, cotton socks. Howard said he was like a voodoo doctor telling him all of this stuff.
Howard said Riley did sound official to him. Lisa said she can't wait until Friday at 2pm with Dr. Keith. Howard said that should be a great show.
Howard heard music playing and it may have been Artie's iPod. Artie said it wasn't on but he was trying to find an Anne Murray song he played with Gary's pitch. Artie said that he was watching that pitch again and he noticed that Gary is about a foot in front of the rubber when he threw that pitch. Gary told Artie to shut the fuck up and go blow himself over that.
Howard brought up the Riley Martin and Dr. Keith Ablow show that's on this Friday. He said that should be great. Lisa said that Dr. Keith is looking forward to this show. Howard said that Dr. Keith is going to have to go into Riley's whole background to find out what makes that guy tick.
Lisa said that Dr. Keith wants to know why Riley can't listen to people like Tim Sabean. He's going to try and find out why that is. Robin said he has to find out why everything is racial when it comes to Riley. Howard said he really is racist and even more so than a Ku Klux Klan guy. Howard let Lisa go a short time later.
Howard said that the Radio Hall of Fame is sending out letters about him not being inducted into the Radio hall of Fame. He said that this guy Bruce Dumont runs the hall of fame but there is no building for it. He said that they have an official statement about it. Howard said that Bruce says that Howard Stern has failed to share all of the information with his listeners. He has been nominated 4 times in the past and he's never had enough votes to be number one.
Howard said that asking listeners to vote for you is ridiculous. He said you should be in the hall of fame because you deserve it, it's not a popularity contest.
Howard read that a person can only be nominated 5 times before they're no longer considered. Howard said that's a dumb rule. He read more of the statement and they claim that Howard has refused to ''appear'' but Howard pointed out that there is no where to appear at.
Howard said that he should be the radio hall of fame and that's it. He said he's the most famous guy in radio ever. He said there shouldn't be a vote either. He said it's not a popularity contest and that's not how a hall of fame works. He said it's ridiculous.
Howard read about Lisa G's new bra size show on Howard TV being number one. He took a call from a guy who said that Lisa should be banned from the studio because she won't talk about her personal life when she's asked. Howard said she's hired to do the news and he doesn't feel that she has to answer that stuff.
Howard said that Wendy the Retard was inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame. He played the prank call where the guys played clips of Bruce Dumont telling her that she was inducted. They used clips of him talking to Wendy Williams to fool Wendy the Retard.
Howard said he liked that Wendy Williams was crying when she got inducted to the Radio Hall of Fame. He said that no one in the industry even knows it exists. Howard said this guy Bruce Dumont claims he has a national show but no one has ever heard of it.
Howard said that this guy Tim Tebow is a quarterback at a college in Florida and he's won a Heissman award. Howard said that this guy is one of those guys who is saving himself for marriage. Howard said ''what a waste.'' because he's a good looking guy and he's got a really good looking girlfriend. Howard said that she's smoking hot and this guy is ''saving himself.'' Artie said that she might be the hottest thing that he's ever seen.
Howard played a clip of the guy being asked about saving himself for marriage at a press conference. Tim was laughing and saying that he couldn't believe that they were shocked at that.
Howard wondered if the chick is saving herself too. He said that maybe they're doing anal or something. He said that she's one of the hottest girls he's ever seen. Artie said that the guy has already won a Heissman going into his senior year at college. He said he should be fucking 8 chicks that look like that.
Howard had a new song parody about Robin to play. It was ''Robin's Hairy Cooter.'' He played the song which was to the tune of ''Barracuda.'' Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that they should do a retrospective of their music since Mark McGrath was there. Howard said that he wanted to do the retrospective before they brought Mark in. Howard played other hit song and then Howard had Gary bring in Mark.
Mark came in and told Howard that he really can't sing and without Pro Tools he wouldn't be in the business. He said that the songs they wrote were okay but they were lucky that they were hits. Mark said that just about anyone can go up on stage and perform if he can do it.
Mark said that Mark put out the cover of ''Psychedelic Bee'' that they covered and he got a check for 6 grand for it. He said that he was shocked that he was getting paid for his song writing. Howard had Fred play some of Sugar Ray's cover of ''Psychedelic Bee'' to remind everyone what they did with it. Mark thought they kind of ruined it. Howard seemed to like it.
Howard asked Mark about his parents telling him to go to college instead of singing. Mark said that they made him go to college but they were very supportive of him. He said that he went to school in California and got his degree and the week after he was in the garage with the band that he's still with today.
Howard asked Mark if he was scared he wasn't going to make it. Mark said he just wanted to give it a shot and he loves that it worked out. He said that people still enjoy their music and they're having fun out on the road doing it.
Howard said Gary was at one of their shows recently and Gary said that there were no Cougars in the audience like they think there are.
Mark said that he's been seeing this one chick on and off for about 15 years now. Howard asked if she accepts that he gets to bang other chicks. Mark said it's not an understanding but those things do happen. Mark said he's 40 years old now and he's going to take over that Scott Baio role where he's thinking of settling down with one woman. He said that's what he wants to do with this chick.
Howard asked Mark about banging Pam Anderson years ago. Mark said that story is not true and he knows the rules of the show. He said that he loves the rumor but it's just not true.
Howard found some other chicks that Mark banged. Howard said that he dated Jordana Brewster. Mark said he did date her but he didn't bang her. He said that anything that Howard has there in front of him was when he was off from his current girlfriend.
Howard asked about Paris Hilton. Mark said that may have happened. He said that she's really cool and she knows what she's doing in all ways. He said that she knows what she's putting out there in the public and all of that.
Howard asked if it was just a one night thing with Paris. Mark said that's pretty much what it was and that's probably what she was looking for. Howard said he wants to know what goes wrong there. Howard said she's a beautiful girl and maybe he'd say that he couldn't hack her personality after he was done. Mark said maybe she didn't like him. Mark said he might not be that good in bed and maybe he disappointed her. He said that he's the opposite of a butterface. He said he's Irish and has a small penis so that may not have helped.
Howard asked Mark about the date with Paris and where they went. Mark said they went to a house that night. He said that he didn't sleep over and he only did it once that night. Howard said he would have done her 4 or 5 times if he had her. Mark said he's never really done that.
Mark said he did her the one time and got out of there. He said they kind of kept in touch a little bit after that but not that much.
Mark said that he's trying to be like Howard because he's ethical. Howard said he's really not though. Mark said he has been for most of his life even if he has had the ''lost John Lennon weekend.''
Howard said that Mark is a good looking dude and asked if he has done any Botox or anything like that. Mark said he has tried the Botox because he's trying to stay in the game as long as he can.
Mark was on ''Extra'' for a while. Howard said he was shocked when he got that job. Mark said he didn't leave at the peak of Sugar Ray's stardom so it wasn't like he was leaving the band to go to that job. He said he needed to make some money and have a career so that's when he asked to meet with the producers and ended up getting the job. He got the job two weeks after calling them. Mark said he didn't know what he was doing and it showed on the show if you watched him.
Mark said that he's really vain and he was getting weird wrinkles in his forehead so that's when he did the Botox thing. He said that there were some people saying it looked like he had dental floss wrapped around his forehead so that's when he got bothered by it and had it done.
Mark said he knew why they hired him and he had to do what he could to stay in the game. He did the Botox thing and then got his teeth taken care of. He said that he had ''Meth teeth'' that he had to get done. He said that he had a speech impediment for a year and a half because he had the veneers on his teeth.
Howard asked Mark if he was fired. Mark said he didn't want to do more and he had to leave. He said that they asked him to do more and it just didn't work out. He said that Mario Lopez took over for him and he was born to do stuff like that. Mark said he's not sure what he was born to do but it wasn't that.
Mark said that the ratings started to go down so they had to get someone else in there to get them up. He said that's when they brought in Mario Lopez. Mark said that he was replaced by ''AC Slater'' so it was kind of a blow to the ego.
Mark said they wanted him to go out and work 7 days a week. He said he was making good money doing the job too. He said he was making more than half a million. Howard said he read that it started at $500,000 and by year 3 he must have been getting big. Mark said that it was getting close to 7 figures by that time. He said he was working from 8am to 2pm and doing some work on the weekends. He said he was getting paid nearly a million bucks a year to do that so it was very nice.
Mark said that they put out a show in just four hours over there and they deserve a lot of credit for putting that stuff together. He said they did it in a classy way on that show too and he would have gotten out sooner if they were like that.
Howard asked Mark if he got hotter chicks doing that show. Mark said it kind of went sideways. He said that it made him more visible but he didn't get invited to parties and stuff like that as much as he used to.
Mark said he had to go to red carpet events and it was weird to ask someone like Al Pacino what he thinks about Britney Spears. He said that it makes your insides wrap around your insides.
Howard asked Mark if he's really not banging anyone else. Mark said he's really not and he's doing this reality show with Scott Baio and Jason Hervey. He said that they're going to start filming it when he gets home. The show is going to be called Knowing Mark McGrath right now but they may change the name. Mark said that his girlfriend is 37 and they're trying to figure out if they really want to get married. Mark said that no one is calling him to work in anything so he's taking what he can and that's why he's doing this show.
Robin asked Mark what's going to happen on this show. Mark said it's real life and he will either ask this girl to marry him or not. He said that they'll be following his life.
Howard asked Mark when he last banged a chick. Mark said it was about 4 years ago. Howard asked if it was Paris Hilton. Mark said it wasn't her. Howard asked if she was good in bed. Mark said that she really was. He said that he didn't want to say she was good but he had to tell the truth. Howard asked him if he used a condom or went in bare back. Mark said that he used a condom.
Mark thanked Howard for having him in and told him how great the show has been to him. He said that he really appreciates that they let them come in back in 1995 to perform ''Psychedelic Bee.'' Howard thanked him for the 6 grand from that song. Mark told him that it never stops either. He said that money just keeps coming in.
Artie said that he was in that movie ''Elf'' and he gets a huge check every year because of the residuals from that.
Howard said that Sugar Ray's new album, ''Music for Cougars,'' is out now. Mark said that the name of the album is a joke but people are calling him to be a spokesperson for Cougars and stuff. He said the title is a tongue in cheek kind of thing so he's not sure why they're doing that.
Howard played one of the tracks from the album called ''Girls Are Made To Love.'' He let the song play through for a minute and Mark said it was so icky listening to music in front of people. He said it's really weird.
Howard said he used to go to listening parties back in the 70s and Elton John would stand on the stage while they listened to his music. He said he had to stop going because they were just staring at each other. Howard said that it was the most bizarre thing ever.
Mark was talking about how good Robin is looking. Howard asked Mark if he has banged any chicks that old. Mark said he never has done 40 or 50 year olds before. He said that he has watched some Orange County Housewives show and there's one woman who screams out and it's really grating on him. Artie said that every woman makes noises like that.
Mark asked Howard what he thinks about Billy Joel's break up with Katie. Howard said he thinks that they just fell apart and it could have been because of the age difference. Howard said it was a big difference. Howard said that it was almost a 40 year difference.
mark asked Howard if he has ever done anything with Botox or anything like that. Howard said he has never used Botox but he does have some gray coming into his hair. Howard said he has eaten some infants to stay young and he eats every part of them. He said that nothing goes to waste.
Mark asked Howard if he's really leaving in 15 months. Howard said that he is. Mark asked if that's breaking news. Howard told him that he's actually not sure right now. He said he has to meet with Robin, Fred, Artie and possibly Benjy to discuss it if the company comes to him with another deal. Mark said it would be a sad day if he did leave.
Howard played another song that Mark had on the album called ''She's Got the Woo Hoo.'' Howard told Mark not to look at him while he played the song. Mark said he could dance for him if he wanted.
Howard asked Mark if he came on Paris Hilton's face. Mark said he's too much of a gentleman to do that. Howard gave him some plugs for the SugarRay.com web site.
Howard told Mark that life is very simple. He was going to give him some advice but Robin said that Howard used to have rules that he broke on his own. Howard said that Mark could just jerk off and be done with it but when you find a chick you want to be with after you've had sex, that's when you know you have the right one.
Howard asked Mark how many women he's had, a million? Mark said it's not that many. He asked Howard how many he's had. Howard said he thinks that it might be 50... or 40. Robin said that Howard had about 10 before he got divorced so how did it get that high. Howard said maybe it's like 35 then. He said he was trying to figure it out and that's what his guess was.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked if Paris gave a good blow job. Mark said that he's not going to lie. He said that she was great. Howard said he saw her video tape and she did look good at it. Artie said he met her once and she oozes femininity.
Howard said that he was with girls that he just had to have but after he was done it just wasn't the right girl for him. Mark said that's what it was like with Paris. He said that there was nothing wrong with her though. Mark said that she didn't have any panties on that night he met her.
Howard asked Mark if Paris made eye contact with him. Mark said that they were at a party and she knew what she wanted and took him to a bedroom in the house they were at. He said that he know that she didn't have panties on way before that though. He said that she had this tight skirt on and he could tell by looking at her that she wasn't wearing any panties. He said he could just tell.
Howard asked if she had high heels and all of that on. Mark said that she did. He said she's that sex bomb kind of girl for their generation. Howard said that the guests at the party must have known what was going on. Howard asked if he took her from behind. Mark said he thinks that he went in missionary. He said it was probably quick and he rolled off of her when he was done.
Howard asked if they just left the party after that. Mark said it was the end of the party and there were just a couple of stragglers there. This happened at like 6 in the morning or so.
Robin asked what kind of conversation they had after that. Mark said he's not much of a linguist so there wasn't too much talk going on. Mark said that he took a taxi out of there since he'd had a few drinks.
Robin asked where the condom came from. Mark said there was a house full of them. Artie joked that Paris carries them in her cheeks. Howard said that Mark did a ''pump and dump'' and he likes that. Howard said that's great and wild.
Jeff the Drunk asked if Paris charged much. Howard said that Jeff is just jealous sitting there in his trailer.
Howard told Mark he loves having him there and hearing about his life. He wished him luck with his new reality show. Mark said that he's scared doing it because it's real life.
Howard said he heard that Mark got a tattoo of Spider Lockhart on him. Mark said that he heard that name ''Spider'' and he loved that there was a guy in this world by the name of spider. He said that he was a kid when that happened and he became a huge fan after that. Howard said he liked Soupy Sales and never got a Soupy Sales tattoo. Mark said he got a Rolex logo put on him too. He said he's really not very smart and he's been trying to tell Howard that for years. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. STeve said they have a story about Riley Martin telling them that he's going to speak to Dr. Ablow rationally on Friday when he does the show with him. Howard asked if Dr. Ablow is going to tell him that there is no pay raise in this for him. Robin said that he doesn't even have a job right now.
Steve also said that Ass Napkin Ed is peddling shirts with The Howard STern Show name on it. Howard said he can't do that. STeve said he's not charging for the shirts, he's just charging $10 for shipping and handling.
Ed was on the phone so Howard asked him what he's up to. Ed asked what he wants him to do about the rest of the shirts. Howard said that's not his problem. Ed said that he'll just wear them inside out then. Howard told him that's a good idea.
Howard said he's not even allowed to use his own name on a t-shirt. He has kept himself from doing that. He said he's going to save that for his retirement so he can make money then.
Steve said High Pitch Eric is going to be auditioning for The Price is Right today. He said that Leslie West got married this weekend to his fiancee Jenny. Howard said he met Jenny when he went to see Leslie perform. He said that she's been with him a long time. Howard said Leslie sent him an invite but he had something going on. Howard congratulated him on finding true romance.
Steve got in a plug for Jackie the Joke Man's ''Joke Hunt'' show that's on tonight at 7 on Howard 101 before Jon Hein came in with his show preview.
Jon Hein ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. They spent a little time talking about Mark McGrath's visit for a couple of minutes during that.
Eric said that he will be doing a 30 second video where they talk about why they want to be on The Price is Right. Howard told Eric to yell out that he was a fat piece of shit. Eric said he couldn't do that, there are a lot of cops around.
Howard asked if all of the people were like him. Eric said there were some people like him but there were a lot of hot chicks there too. Howard told Eric to yell out that he had the runs and he needed a paper bag. Eric said he'd get arrested. Howard said he won't get arrested for that.
Howard told Eric to yell out that he was gay for Drew Carey. Howard told him he could yell out that he was a slow adult. Eric said he may do it if they give him some money. Howard asked Gary if they had any to give him. Gary said he had $500. Gary said they'd give him $100 per phrase.
Eric said that the cops were there and he couldn't yell anything out. He said he needed that money though. Eric was telling them what was going on in line but his phone connection was awful and Howard couldn't understand what he was saying.
Howard said he thought it would be funny if he yelled something out there. Eric told the guys that if he gets on the show and he wins a car, he would give it to one of the staff members. Gary said that Eric doesn't even know that he can't afford the taxes on the prizes he'd win. Eric had no clue that he had to pay taxes on a car if he won it.
Howard said they had a lot of phrases for Eric to yell out. He said he thinks it would be funny if he did it. Gary said that he's wondering what the process is to get these people out of line and make sure they can't get up to the audition.
Howard had Eric put a hot chick on the phone with him. Eric put a chick on and she was telling Howard that Eric is adorable. Howard asked the girl if she would ever kiss him. She said that she'd have to be pretty drunk to do that. Howard said she was a nice girl saying that Eric wasn't disgusting. Eric got back on and said that she had a boyfriend so that was too bad.
Howard let Eric go and had Jon finish up his Wrap Up Show preview.
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Howard had Robin start her news after that. Robin started off with this guy who calls himself McSteamy on ''Grey's Anatomy.'' There is a video tape of him and his girlfriend and a former Miss Teen USA having a threesome. Robin said his name is Eric Dane. Gary said that there is no sex in the video. He said that the Miss Teen USA was on their show too. He said he thinks that they may have tickled her.
Howard said he can't imagine Beth would ever do that with him and another chick. He said he's not sure how he feels about it either.
Robin said that they were all romping around and they must have been naked in the video. Gary said he guesses that they were but he wasn't sure about that. Robin said that this woman was under investigation for selling sex. She was also on Celebrity Rehab and was kicked off for possibly stealing something from someone else on the show.
Howard said he once took Beth to a strip club and while a girl was dancing with her he blew a load in his pants without anyone even touching him. He said that's never happened to him before. Howard said that was really erotic.
Artie said he brought Dana to a club one time and he had to get out of there and fuck her as fast as possible because he was so turned on.
Gary said he just saw the video that they were talking about and it didn't have any sex. He said it looked like the scenes between sex though so maybe they were having sex.
Robin read some news about Robin Wright Penn and Sean Penn breaking up. Howard said that she must have some regrets because she put in 13 of her best years with the guy and now she's not married.
A caller said that his wife just blew his mind when she told him that she'd do a threesome. Howard said that gets you nowhere unless you have a woman lined up to do it.
Robin read a story about Robert Downey Jr. playing the part of a Vampire in ''The Vampire Chronicles.'' Robin said that he will be filling the role that Tom Cruise had in ''Interview with the Vampire.'' Howard said he likes that they're making Vampire movies big again.
Robin read a story about Paula Abdul trying to negotiate a return to American Idol. She's not lowering her price and she wants a Seacrest level deal. Robin said that was a 3 year deal for $45 million. Howard said she wasn't good as a judge and she offers nothing. He said she should have just sat there like Randy does.
Robin read a story about a woman who is carrying 12 fetuses right now. She has suffered many miscarriages and she had some fertility clinic do her work and now she has 12. Howard said she should kill off 10 of them. He said that 12 is a litter, like puppies.
Robin read a story about a woman who cut off her son's genitals and then claimed that she didn't hurt her child doing that when she was in court. Robin said the woman flushed the penis down the toilet so they weren't able to find it and reattach it. Howard said that's a terrible story and he can't believe she's telling them that. Howard wondered if it would be possible to attach a horse cock to the kid. He said he thinks Robin would hop right on top of that.
Robin said that there might be cocaine on the money in your wallet. She said they did a study and found that it's on a lot of money and people don't even realize it.
Robin read about Readers Digest filing for bankruptcy. Howard said he never understood that magazine and why anyone would want to read it. He said he used to read it in his doctor's office though. Robin said that it would give you an overview of a lot of books and magazines. They have a debt of $2.2 billion. Artie asked how that can happen. Robin said it's crazy.
Robin read about some cable companies not being able to come to an agreement with the tennis channel so some people may miss some of the matches that are coming up.
Robin read about Governor Mark Sanford's wife coming out and talking about the woman that her husband cheated with. The wife said that this man that ran off on her is not the same man who married her. She thinks it's some kind of addiction that he can't break away from.
Robin read about Donovan McNab saying that he stood up for Michael Vick while he was in jail and thought that it would be a good thing to get him back into the game. Robin said that Vick is now on the Eagles.
Robin read about Les Paul's death and how the Les Paul Trio tradition of playing the Iridium night club continued when some other bands went up and played at the club in honor of Les. Robin had some audio of that.
Robin read some news about Michael Jackson. She said that the family is finally going to bury him on his birthday.
Robin said that a judge has said that they can take a traveling exhibition of Michael Jackson out on the road. There is also an Andy Warhol painting of Michael that's going up for auction. The starting bid is $800,000.
Robin had a story about a father who killed his son in a hunting trip accident. The guy shot his son accidentally while hunting turkey. The father fired thinking he was shooting a turkey when he shot his son. The son died on the scene. Howard wondered how you mistake your son as a turkey. Artie said that his father used to call him a cunt but he doesn't think that he would mistake him for one. Howard said maybe Eric the Midget's parents have mistaken him for a turkey.
Robin read some news about Brett Favre possibly returning to football. Artie told the guy to make up his fuckin' mind already.
Robin read about a guy who died during a stunt at Disney World. The guy was injured during an Indiana Jones stunt show. The stunt won't be performed today because of that. Robin said that back on July 5th a Monorail driver was killed when two monorails collided.
Robin read a story about people who suffer from sleep apnea and how that can lead to people dying earlier than others without it. Howard said that he loves that people are dying from sleeping. He asked what's next. He said he can imagine what it would be like to explain that to someone about dying while you're sleeping.
Robin read that a couple that was found dead over the weekend were killed by a roaming pack of dogs. Robin said that it was a 77 year old man and his 65 year old wife who were attacked just yards from their home. The guy went out to find his wife and may have been attacked when he tried to help his wife who had been attacked.
Robin read about how some New York kids were going to the Little League World Series. She read about how they made that happen.
Robin had some audio of Quentin Tarantino talking about his new movie in an interview. They played that and then wrapped up the show around 10:30am.
Gary said that Sugar Ray doesn't do heavy stuff like that in their concerts. They started out as a band that was pretty heavy and they don't do things like that anymore.
Gary said Mark was talking to Scott the Engineer and he was telling him to tell his son to just keep it up and maybe something will happen with his band. Mark thinks that he can't sing and he made it pretty big in the business.
Artie said that Mark is the nicest guy and he is talented. He said that he's one of two guys who gives Howard props for helping him out. He said that Kid Rock does the same thing when he's on the show. Artie said that's nice to hear from them when they're big deals on their own now.
Gary asked Artie if he tried to get a pitch with the Yankee. Artie said that they don't want anything to do with him apparently. He said that he has been a huge Yankees fan for a very long time but he's thinking about jumping to another camp.
Artie said that he is spending a lot of money on season tickets there at the new stadium and it's over six figures. He said that the seats would have cost him $275,000 for four seats at 40 games there at the stadium if he had gotten tickets. He said that's an insane amount of money and anyone sitting in those seats is probably making millions.
Benjy asked what they're doing at these games that makes it worth that much money. Artie said they play baseball.
Gary said that he went to a game with Artie and he saw him heckling the third base coach at the game and he didn't stop. Gary said Artie was Artie from the Howard Stern Show and from MAD TV when they were there so he wondered what it was like when he was working the docks in Newark. Artie said that he was told that people around him were complaining when he'd heckle the guys there.
Artie mentioned some of the other things that he's done at the games and how mad the guys would get at him. He said that they never jumped into the stands to do anything though.
Gary said that Artie was pitching a show that they could do like the Geek Show they did last night. The show would be a Geek Sports Show. Artie said that he had a lot of fun on the Wrap Up Show where they were writing down all of the shitty Mets. He said that's the kind of thing he'd like to do.
The guys spent a couple of minutes talking old sports players and stuff like that. Artie said that Howard TV is going to be covering his pitch tonight. He said he promises that he will look like a dude throwing his pitch even if the pitch is shitty. Artie said that he feels bad about how much he gave it to Gary about his pitch so he has to look good tonight. That led to them going over Gary's pitch once again.
Gary asked Artie about the Dana reference today and also asked if he's still dating the same chick. Artie said that he is dating her and their 3 month anniversary just passed. He said that he made that Dana mistake this morning and he did date her for a long time so it was just a mistake.
Artie said the girl he's dating now is very calming to him. He said it's a good thing in his life right now and he enjoys being around her. He gets to see her every weekend. He said that they get to see each other every few days so it's a good thing. He said she was living in Hoboken but she had to move home so they don't get to see each other as much as possible.
Artie said that he wasn't going to just have her move in with him though. He said she's coming up for the Bears game tonight and she will stay over at his place. Then she's coming up for his Thursday gig and going to a wedding with him on the weekend. He said that things are going alright. He said that she's wonderful but his head and trying to live well is a struggle. He said he is doing better though.
Artie said that he should be down to about 235 pounds. He said that he wants to be around 200 like he was in Beer League. He said that last 35 pounds is going to be tough.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Artie about the first pitch tonight because he has a friend who said that Artie is the worst athlete that he's ever seen. Artie said that he plays in a league and he's calling bullshit on this guy's friend. Gary said that they've seen Artie play and he is good.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that she's been on hold all morning. Artie said that no one cares. She went on to say that Artie's San Diego Show wasn't on his web site. Artie said that he doesn't have Bill Gates running his web site and he's never even seen it himself. He doesn't know what to tell her. She said that she can't go anyway because she's on a major budget. She told him that she's hot so Artie said that he'll let her come to his show for free if she is. She said that she is hot.
Gary asked the woman how old she is. She said she's in her early 30s but doesn't talk about her age. Artie told her to leave her information and she could come for free. Gary told Artie he'd help and have her send pictures of herself and her sister and he'll let Artie decide tomorrow. She said that they're both good looking. Artie said that he'd go with Gary and let her do it that way. He said he wants her to come for free. Gary said he thinks they need to tighten up with these people and not just give them free stuff like that.
Benjy asked the woman, Sugar, if she would just sleep with Artie with no questions asked. She said she doesn't do that kind of thing. She said that if he didn't have the girlfriend then maybe. Artie said that the San Diego show is far away so who knows. Artie said she actually sounds like the kind of chick who wouldn't just sleep with him.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he saw Artie's show in St. Louis and though it was great. He said he rolled his truck on his way to Artie's book signing and didn't get it signed. He said that he did get to his comedy show though. The caller said that he was in the A-group for the signing and missed out on it. Artie said that the people there in St. Louis were great.
The caller also asked Gary about the amount of money they give to people like High Pitch Eric and those kind of characters. Gary said they don't really give that much to him and haven't done it that much lately. Gary said they didn't give it to Eric today.
Gary didn't want to give the money to Pittsburgh Pete today either. Gary said he thinks the guy is a douche and he didn't think that they should reward him for losing the game. Howard doesn't seem to care about giving the money away according to Gary. He just gives it to whoever plays the game.
Jon took another call from a guy who was complaining about the money they give away and how he wants a new set of golf clubs so he's going to keep trying to call in to win.
Gary said he was goofing on Jeff the Drunk yesterday and he really doesn't want him to die but he doesn't think they should be just giving him money either. Artie said that some people can overcome their afflictions but Jeff is one of those people who whines about it and gets mad when people challenge him on it. Artie said there are a lot of people who are handicapped and go on to start their own businesses and things like that and Jeff is too lazy to do something with his life.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about Jeff the Drunk. They were wondering what he did without them. Artie said that he had to have had a job before. He said that he's given money to Jeff before and when he does, he always asks for more.
Gary said that he has sympathy for someone like John the Stutterer but not for Jeff the drunk. Gary said that John could work too but he likes him and feels for him. He said he feels bad for Eric the Actor too but he is still very ungrateful no matter what.
Benjy said that he can't not like Eric. Gary asked what about him is likeable. He asked if it's his charming repartee or what. Benjy said that he likes the guy and there's nothing they can really do about the way he acts.
Beetlejuice called in and asked Artie about throwing out the first pitch tonight. Artie was trying to talk to him but the conversation wasn't really going anywhere. Jon let Beetlejuice go a short time later.
Jon brought up the conversation Howard had about Stuttering John and Richard Christy and their significant others. Jon asked which one of those relationships is the strangest. Gary said that he loves John but he was a mess and he got Suzanna and it seemed like a really odd match. Benjy said that the John and Suzanna thing was really weird because John was making her do some stuff that just seemed wrong.
Artie said he felt that the Benjy and Ivy Supersonic thing was the oddest relationship. He said he had to get going after that.
Jon said that Robin had asked Richard about that music that he plays to go to sleep and wondered how he introduced it to his girlfriend. Jon said that Richard is into it but it was pretty creepy. Gary said that everyone goes through weird stuff in a new relationship. He said that the first time Mary spent a night with him she saw that he had two alarm clocks that went off every 5 minutes for like a half hour. He said that was normal for him but she hated it.
Benjy asked if he should tell a girl that he might wake up screaming with night terrors. Gary said she won't run away if he tells her but she will run if he doesn't tell her. Gary said that's like having herpes and not telling a girl you have them because you're not broken out.
The guys asked Benjy if he would tell a girl he had herpes if he did. Benjy kept saying he doesn't have them and Gary kept saying that they never said he had it and he doesn't care if he does. Benjy said that he doesn't have them and said he bets that 40 percent of the guys there have them.
Jon took a call from ''Doug'' but it was Sal goofing on Benjy's herpes... that he doesn't have. Sal said he hopes that he gets them checked out. Benjy insisted that he doesn't have them and said he would get tested right now.
Richard came in and said that the cool thing is that he and his girlfriend watched this video ''Uncle God Damn'' the first night they were together. He knew that she was cool that night.
Gary asked Richard about the night time recording he listens to and how he got his girl into that. Richard said he just played it for her and she was fine with it. He said that the tape helps him get into that Halloween mode at this time of year.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why they haven't had Richard's girlfriend in for an interview. Gary said that they will probably have her on some day but they're not going to book her. Richard said that she's not really looking to be on the air like that anyway.
Richard said that every guy on the Stern Show has something weird about them. He said that Jon is so into TV that it's creepy. Gary said that people watch TV all the time and not everyone goes out to haunted houses every year. Richard said he was just being goofy.
Richard said that Gary's got that foot fungus too. Gary said that's not a weird thing he does, it's just something he has on his foot.
Gary goofed on Benjy by claiming he had herpes again. Benjy said that he would challenge everyone there to a test. Gary said he was just joking. He said that Benjy has never had herpes and he doesn't know anyone who has. Benjy said he actually has known people who did have herpes.
Richard said that he was thinking that people who are into baseball teams are weird. Gary said that 90,000 people a week fill up a stadium to watch a game and they're not doing that with haunted houses. Richard said that everyone has their own weird things they do.
Jon said that there's nothing wrong with going to a haunted house every week but that is a pretty unique behavior. Richard said that he is very passionate about doing some of that stuff.
Jon asked Sal about the mix CD that Richard made for him. Sal said he threw it right in the garbage after playing it for the first time.
Gary said Jason found a web site where they review that CD that Richard has and someone said ''it's not for the faint of heart'' and that it had scared the person. Gary said that it can't possibly scare anyone. He said that it's a recorded CD that you know is made up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was sorry about the herpes thing. Benjy said that he had his number now and he was demanding a test from this guy and he was going to have a test too. Benjy said that he just took a physical two weeks ago and he challenges everyone there to do it too.
Another caller said that Benjy said that 25 percent of people had herpes but he thinks that 95 percent of Penn State grads have it. Benjy said that's not true.
The caller said that he thinks that Richard is probably very cool to hang out with and that's why his girlfriend likes him so much. The guy asked if they had ever done a Christmas Carol bit with all of the wack packers. Gary said that they did that many years ago and they had Elephant Boy and a girl with a stutter in there.
Another caller joked that he had just seen that Benjy had herpes on the Howard Stern twitter feed. It was Jason goofing on him. Jason didn't actually post it there and he apologized for the goofing.
Gary read some facts about herpes and said that he read that 25 percent of pregnant woman have genital herpes. He found that to be a pretty high number. He said that based on that Benjy could have them. Benjy was getting really worked up when they'd bring that up.
Jon asked Richard and Benjy about going to Comic-Con and interrupting that video game demo. Richard talked about how crazy it was being in there. He said he was very embarrassed being there next to him while he did that stuff. Gary said he forgot about where that clip came from and it was cool hearing the history of it and how it all came about.
Richard said that Benjy was trying to hide behind a guy dressed up as ''Defender'' at the convention. Gary asked why it took so long for that bit to air on Howard TV. Richard wasn't sure about that.
Gary said that he wants the TV guys to put up another great clip of Benjy pretending to fall and break his leg when he was interviewing Soupy Sales. Soupy was telling him to just get up and stop faking it. The guys had to take a break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he'd like to see Mark McGrath on one of those celebrity Superfan challenges. Gary said they may do another one soon and he would be right up there for the game.
Anther caller goofed on Benjy about herpes. Benjy then started to goof on him about doing some things with little boys but Gary had to keep him from getting too far into that. He was ready to give out the guy's last name and blast him. Gary said he'd have to hit the delay on him if he did that.
The caller told Richard to come back to Kansas and visit sometime. Richard said he might be out there soon and that led to him talking about catching snakes out there in Kansas.
Another caller goofed on Benjy and got him all worked up again with the herpes talk. Sal was also goofing on him and kept saying he had it too but then he'd say he was just kidding. Sal said that Jason pulling that prank call on him was really low. Benjy challenged everyone there to take a test and they'll see who actually does have it.
Jon asked Sal about Richard's haunted house stuff. Sal said that he really gets caught up in all of that shit. Richard said that they have pumpkin beer on draught there in a bar in the city now. He said that a fan gave him a heads up on that.
Richard said that he actually starts to get into the Halloween thing in August. Gary said that's nuts. Richard said he has all of the lights and pumpkin stuff and he'll be setting that up on Labor Day.
Sal asked Richard what he would do if Christy asked him to take it all down and said she never wanted to go on another haunted house tour. Richard said he can't force her to do it but right now she seems to enjoy it. He said that she loves to go on the trips they go on and he tries to make it fun for her too. Jon said that she really is fun to be around and she's very nice.
Jon took another call from a guy who was joking about Benjy's herpes. No one got his joke though so there was no laughing. The caller asked Richard where he can see him doing the haunted house thing. Richard said he wanted this caller to work for him in a haunted house because his voice was great. Gary said he thought the guy was Chip Z'Nuff.
Richard said he might get into the haunted house thing when Howard retires. He was talking about some of the places he's gone and Sal was laughing at him. The guys asked him why he was laughing. Sal said they were doing a show in Chicago one time and it was round Halloween. This kid had made a haunted house in his garage and it was like going to a garage sale. He said that he had garbage bags and cardboard boxes hanging up. He said they all went with Richard and it was so boring that he told Richard to drop his pants and smack his cock on the organ. Richard dropped his pants and started smacking his dick around and then the father came in. The father came in as Richard was zipping up his pants. He said the guy was just looking at them so they walked out. The grandfather came walking up the driveway around then and asked if they were scared. Sal said he thought they were going to get killed or something.
Gary asked Richard about the haunted house stuff and if he has ever tired to find a ghost. Richard said he tried to find something at the Lizzie Borden house but he heard nothing on the tape he had done. Richard said he wants to have a haunted bed and breakfast where they scare the shit out of people in the middle of the night. He said he would love to do that and the people would know they were going to be woken up with people holding an axe or something like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up a story that Robin brought up about a guy who shot his son accidentally. He pointed out that Dick Cheney got a slap on the wrist for shooting someone so he wondered what was sup with that. Gary wasn't familiar with the story so the guys had to explain it to him. By that time they had to end the show.
Howard started the show talking about waking up at 2 in the morning this morning and he wasn't able to get back to sleep. He was a little cranky because of that.
Robin said she got caught out in the lightning storm last night. She said that she got into her cab and the thunder and lightning started. She said there was a river between the cab and the curb so she couldn't avoid getting wet.
Robin said she went to see ''Inglourious Basterds'' with Ralph. Howard said the movie really was good. Robin said Brad Pitt was great in it. She said it's the best writing he's done in a long time.
Howard asked Robin if she had to carry Ralph over the water. Robin said she had left Ralph so she didn't have to do that.
Howard said Robin is lucky that she didn't have to watch the movie with his name all over it like he did. He said that he did enjoy the movie though. Robin said this movie is so good and she thinks that he's going to have a hit.
Howard said Quentin Tarantino is all over the news after his appearance on his show. Howard played a clip from one news report where they were talking about Quentin's claims that he got a hunk of hash from Brad Pitt when he was hanging out with him in France. The show gave credit to the Howard Stern Show when they played an audio clip from the interview.
Howard said he had another mention to play. In this news segment they were talking about how Brad has been claiming that he's given up using drugs but Quentin's story contradicted that. Howard said he's not sure why it's such a big deal. He said a lot of people smoke something.
A caller said that Benjy is all over the internet with the herp's and oozing wounds. Benjy said that he's not. Howard asked if he was really going that berserk over that stuff. Benjy figured it was better to say he was just joking around. Howard said it didn't sound like he was.
Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Benjy was talking about his night terrors and they compared that to having herpes. Benjy said that he didn't have herpes and he wasn't sure why Gary was saying that. He kept saying that he didn't have them but Gary never said he did, he just compared telling a girl about night terrors is like telling a girl about having herpes.
Howard played more of the clip and Benjy continued to freak out when they talked about the herpes thing. Then Jon and Gary started joking around with him and got him even more worked up.
Howard said it was very clear that they were talking about a hypothetical situation and that led to everyone else goofing on Benjy saying he did have herpes. Benjy agreed that he handled it poorly.
Howard said they kept jerking Benjy around about it and he kept freaking out more and more. Howard played a clip where Sal called in as a fan and told Benjy he hopes he gets them checked out. Jason also called in and joked that they had posted it on Howard's Twitter page. Benjy then started joking about Jason cheating on his wife to get back at him.
Gary said there were a bunch of callers goofing on Benjy. He said he heard that there were threads on SternFanNetwork and Benjy was threatening to sue if they didn't take them down over there. Benjy said that it's all over the internet now. He said he has to put a stop to it somehow. Howard said he heard it and figured the guy was having a meltdown.
Benjy wants to have a test done to prove he doesn't have it. Howard said that's fine but no one thinks he does have herpes. Benjy said that he wants everyone there to have a full medical test. Howard said he's not sure if he's putting him on but he's acting very peculiar. He said he's acting very odd and it's weirding everyone out. Artie was starting to move closer to Howard because of his behavior.
Howard told Benjy to calm down. Benjy said he has a doctor who will confirm he doesn't have herpes. Fred said that he keeps going on like he does have it and he has to stop that. Howard said that people are going to torture him over this. He said that he's going to be tortured over it even more if he continues to act like this.
Benjy said that Howard has the power to stop this. Howard said he really doesn't but he put the word out that everyone should stop goofing on him.
Howard said that Benjy brought this on himself. He said no one thought he had herpes but Benjy brought this on himself by saying that he didn't have it and kept insisting that he didn't. Artie said he thinks that it's a cry out for attention. Howard said he might be right about that.
Howard said Benjy claims that he has a doctor who will call in but he doesn't believe he even has a doctor. He said it's probably someone he knows. Fred joked that it was Dr. Sheila and Sheila is an ex-girlfriend of his.
Cyrus brought up the Amish game and said that they were talking about that Amish guy saying that he might be stupid or just have a lack of knowledge based on his environment. He said that Michael Vick is a stupid mother fucker and he was the same way. That led to them talking about the whole dog thing and Cyrus asking Howard if he would ever get a pit bull. Howard said he wouldn't but he doesn't think they should be tortured.
Howard said that he saw a letter in the paper about Michael Vick where they talked about how he had served his time. Howard said that child molesters serve time in jail too but they have to be registered as a sex offender list. He said that just because you serve time doesn't mean you should get all of your privileges back. He said doctors and lawyers don't get all of their privileges back.
Howard read the story about Vick where this writer said that if Michael Vick deserves a second chance then child molesters should too. The writer said that Michael Vick should be banned from professional sports after what he did. There was another writer who wondered how Michael Vick can sleep after watching a dog die by being hanged.
Robin said that she saw that 60 Minutes report and she never wants to see Vick play again so she won't watch any game that the Eagles play now.
Howard said that the reasoning that everyone has the right to go back to doing what they do isn't right. He said that not every convict gets that second chance. They do have the right to get a job and work but they don't necessarily have the right to go back to what they were doing before they got in trouble.
Howard said Michael Vick is a sick man but he did get that second chance. He said that it must be okay and he must be wrong about it if they're giving him that second chance.
Cyrus asked to play the Amish game but Howard said he wasn't playing it yet. Howard let him go and played a prank call that Sal had done with a wrong number call. He had a dog barking in the background and made it sound like he was beating it.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that they can't compare Michael Vick to doctors who commit crimes. Howard said that this guy Michael Vick is so lacking in feeling and he hung dogs and knocked their teeth out. He said there is something missing from him as a human being. He said it's hard to root for a guy like this. He said he's going to make millions of dollars playing football but he's really just a scum bag.
Howard said most people don't get second chances. He said that if a garbage man is caught smoking pot, he may not get a second chance. He said that saying that Vick deserves a second chance is bull. He said there are very little second chances for people unless they're someone like Michael Vick who have a talent like he does. Howard said it's all phony baloney and complete hypocrisy
Howard said the whole NFL freaked out when Janet Jackson's nipple slipped out but she didn't abuse dogs. Howard said if she had beat dogs then she wouldn't have ever been let back on an NFL broadcast. Howard said they freak out when people curse accidentally. Howard said this guy tortured animals and they don't have a problem with that.
Howard said that Michael Vick is a scum bag but if you're a scum bag that can throw a ball, you're apparently okay with the NFL.
Howard said he doesn't like A-Rod now because he has that piece of ass Kate Hudson. Howard said that this caller should have her and he could live with that better than A-Rod having her.
Another caller said he disagrees with Howard about the Michael Vick thing. Howard asked if he should like the guy. The caller said he thinks that it just hits a little close to home with the dog because he has a dog. Howard said that's not the case.
Howard said that when he was a kid he was a camp counselor. He said the kids were killing frogs and salamanders and he'd ask them why they were so angry. Some kids would make them pets but these particular kids were stomping on frogs. Howard said some kids don't have any empathy and maybe that's what was wrong with Michael Vick. Howard said it's hard to stomach when you see this. He said the kids he was working with were hard to be around because of that.
Howard said Michael Vick is compassion less. The caller was saying that what Howard was saying was wrong about doctors and lawyers getting their jobs back. Howard asked the guy if he thinks that sucking a child's dick in the woods is wrong. Of course he thought it was. Howard asked the guy if it would be okay to let someone back in the NFL if they had sucked a child's dick in the woods. He asked the caller if that was worse than hanging a puppy and torturing it. Howard said that the kid's dick sucking might be a 10 on a scale of 10 as the worst thing to do but the dog thing has to be right up there at a 9 at least.
Howard said he was laying in bed last night and thinking about the twin towers and how awful it was for the people who had to jump out of the building. He said that the biggest shame is that they haven't caught that Osama bin Laden yet. He said that he was thinking about how much money they've spent trying to find that fucker. Howard wondered how that's possible.
Howard said he's going to write a movie about catching Osama bin Laden and scalping him. He wondered how that guy is still breathing after what he did to our country. Howard said it drives him crazy. He said he was watching the ''Inglourious Basterds'' movie and thinking how great it would have been if that was a true story. He said that they should go right into Pakistan and grab that fucker and hang him.
Howard said he's going to ask Perez Hilton to star in the movie so he can fuck Osama in the ass. He said that Perez is coming in today so he'll pitch him on the movie later on. Howard said they also have Charlie Murphy and a new Miss Howard TV stopping in today.
The caller asked what happened to Natalie Maines because she hasn't been on lately. Howard said he wrote her a couple of months back and never got a reply. He said he saw in one of the gossip magazines that she shaved her head. He said he became concerned for her. He said she had gorgeous hair and face and figured he'd writer her a note to make sure she was okay. He said he's not sure what's going on. He said maybe she's in seclusion or something. He said he loves that woman and said that she was right about the Iraq war and it took him a couple of months to wake up to that.
Another caller asked Howard if he saw Sheri Sheppard walking out in a bikini on The View last week. He said it was a train wreck. Howard said he doesn't get to watch The View very often. He said that he liked it when Rosie O'Donnell was on the show though. He said that he knows that Sheri is a black woman and she might be kind of fat. He said that there is a trend now where fat people go on in bikinis and tell people to look at them. Howard said no one wants to see a fat person in a bikini.
The caller said that the good looking one on that show was saying that Sheri looked great. Howard said she's the one he wants to see in a bikini, not the fat one. He said that this Elisabeth Hasselbeck won't get into a bikini but he'd love to see that.
Howard said that Joy Bahar is on that show too and she was probably thinking that no one wants to look at that fatso in a bikini. He said that she probably thinks she looks good. The caller said she was in heels too.
The caller also told Benjy that coconut oil can help with his sores. Howard laughed and asked Benjy if he sees what he brought on himself. Benjy said he's going to be tested for this and he will prove he doesn't have herpes. Howard said no one thinks he has it though.
Howard played a porn clip of a guy making all kinds of weird noises while he was finishing. Robin said she would call someone if she heard a guy doing that while having sex.
Howard said Leslie still gets the 4 hour erection with his injections so he must be having a ball with this chick.
Howard said he had the pictures on his Blackberry so he wanted to show them to Robin. Howard found the pictures and showed Artie and Benjy the pictures. He tried to show Robin but she couldn't see it from where she was at. Howard said her boobs must be at least a G-cup.
In the news report they were talking about this woman being stuffed in a suitcase and found dead. Her name was Jasmine Fiore. They claimed that she was in an ad for the Howard Stern radio show. Howard wondered what ad that was. He wasn't sure who she was. Howard said she did look familiar to him but he wasn't sure who she was. Robin said she looked familiar to her too.
Howard mentioned the new Miss Howard TV that was coming in and said that she's very hot. He wondered what suitcase she's going to end up in. He was just joking and said that he hopes there's not some nut out there trying to get all of the Miss Howard TVs.
Howard said Bob Grant got a job on radio and the guy is 80 years old. Howard said the guy claims that he still loves it but that's not what he's thinking of doing at 80. Howard said the guy is only doing 2 hours a week though. Howard said he's not sure he'd like doing anything at 80. He hates everything already and he's only 55.
Howard said he wonders how old his wife will be when he's 80 years old. He said he may keep trading in his wife as they get older. Artie said she'll probably be 28 when Howard is 80. Howard said that means that she'd be born today if she's going to be 28 when he's 80.
Howard said that Beth reminded him that she was still in high school when he got married the first time. Howard said if he had known that then maybe he would have gone to visit her in high school. He said that would have been really creepy. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. He belched along to it too. Then he took a call from a guy who said he saw Artie's first pitch last night. He said he felt bad for him because he had a lot of pressure on him. He said that he threw the ball and it bounced before the catcher. Artie said it bounced on the plate. He said he had given so much crap to Gary that he aimed it as a strike but he hit the plate.
The caller said that there were like 300 Puerto Ricans there at the game and just a few Stern Fans. Artie said it was in downtown Newark. The Howard TV guys had some video of the pitch. Howard watched it and said it was fine. He said he didn't look bad throwing it. He said it was very nice. Artie said he did a full wind up.
Artie said they had an honorary catcher there too. Gary said it looks like he threw the ball in front of about 40 people. Artie said that was being kind. He said he thinks that businesses like the Newark Bears are being hurt by this economy.
Artie said that the games are fun with the Newark Bears. He said that they used to be a farm team but now they're like a professional team. Gary said that they put these teams in bad neighborhoods and they kind of revitalize the neighborhood. Those games can be more fun than Major League games.
Artie said he got to meet some cool players last night. He said they used to be players when he was a kid. They love playing baseball so it was fun to meet them.
Lisa said she went twice the other day. She said that she weighs 110 pounds. Howard said that's about right. Robin said that Howard was saying that it should be once a day. Howard said when people go 3 or 4 times, that's when it's a problem. Artie said he goes a few times a day.
Howard had Lisa get to her news preview. She said she was at the Newark Bears game and she will have interviews all day long. She got some time with Artie's girlfriend Adrienne. Artie asked Lisa if she really interviewed her. Lisa said that she's very happy and she is having a good time with Artie.
Lisa said that they did an interview with Pat Cooper's son Michael and he was telling her about how he's still trying to get in touch with his father to ask him ''Why dad, why?''
Howard asked Lisa if she thinks that Artie's girlfriend is good for him. She said she does. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said that he thinks that Miss Howard TV just has to read a lot of stuff. He asked her about getting into porn. She just recently got into that. Howard asked her about falling down in her high heels too. She said she was running from the bathroom when that happened.
Alexis told Howard that she started dancing at a strip club in Miami. She said that her sister got her into that. She said that her parents have broken up and she thinks that it might be because of what she and her sister are into. She said that her mother wasn't into the stripping thing but she didn't have a problem with her getting into porn.
Alexis said that her mother isn't in the business but she did tell her the other day that she bought a copy of Hustler when she saw her on the cover.
Howard asked if they really glue girl's vaginal lips open for the photo shoots for those magazines. She said that they do put glue on your fingers when they do the shoots. She said that they tell them to grab it open when they do the shoots.
Howard said he doesn't get those really graphic shots. He wondered who is reading those magazines. Alexis said that they really want those shots graphic and open.
Howard asked Alexis about doing the porno with a few other girls. She said that she did some licking but the other girls were kind of inhibited. They wouldn't lick her asshole. She wanted them to do it but they refused. Howard said if they're into porn you'd think they'd get into stuff like that. Alexis said that they were telling her that it was a little too much.
Howard asked if she has ever licked a man's ass. She said that she hasn't but she has fondled them back there. She said that one time she did that and her finger didn't smell. Howard said that must have been odd. He said that's the kind of guy she should marry.
Howard asked if she has ever done guys at bachelor parties. She said that she has done some private parties and things can happen. She said that she might use her hand on those guys. Howard asked how much it costs to get her at a bachelor party. She said she costs about $200 an hour. She said that she'll spend maybe an hour and a half at the parties.
Howard asked if it would be weird for just one guy to have bachelor party. She said that happened one time and the guy was dressed in a pink thong. Alexis said that he was very much into humiliation. She said it was kind of weird. Howard said Alexis seems to be kind of shy. She said she is.
Alexis said that guy had a small penis and he wanted to be humiliated. She had to yell at him about his pathetic cock. Howard said that she's lucky that he didn't chop her up and stuff her into a bag. Alexis said this guy had a penis the size of a cigarette. Howard said he'd have that beat at least.
Howard read that Alexis does a lesbian sex toy thing at the bachelor parties. She said that she hooked up with another woman and they now live together. Howard said he's glad that they found her to represent Howard TV.
Howard asked Alexis about losing her virginity at 15 to a 20 year old. She said she was a nerd in high school. She had straight A grades and she was in the Honor Society and things like that. Alexis said she's really horny now. She said she needs sex every day and she can't go without it.
Howard asked Alexis about when she had a boyfriend last. She said it was in January. He got on her about the whole adult film thing so they had to break up. She said he was a black guy. Howard asked how black he was. She said he was caramel color. Howard said that Charlie Murphy is a real black man.
Howard asked Alexis about banging a 55 year old. She said he was so hot. Howard said he's only 40 and he doesn't think about using Viagra.
Gary told Howard that Charlie Murphy is in the green room and he's never heard someone enjoy an interview so much.
Howard asked Alexis about anal sex. She said that she actually prefers it to regular sex sometimes. She said that if it's done right it can be fucking amazing. Howard asked how it can be done ''right.'' She said it has to be put in slowly and not rough. She also said that she likes to be choked a little bit.
Howard said he's never been with a girl who wants to be choked. Howard said it sounds like it would be a good time with her. Artie asked her if there's anything she won't do. She said she's only doing girl/girl in the porn films. In her personal life she does anything.
Howard asked Alexis if she would get nude. She did that immediately. Alexis was also willing to ride the Sybian. Howard said that you book her for bachelor parties and stuff at NYExoticEntertainment.com
Howard said that Alexis had major jewelry in her vagina. He said she has a whole gear in there. He said that he loves it. She also had a Tinkerbell tattoo on her vagina. Howard asked her about the piercing's she had and asked if they hurt when she had them done. She said it was very painful. Howard told her not to get implants. She said that everyone tells her that so she probably won't.
Howard had Alexis get on the Sybian and told her not to put on a fake orgasm. He wanted her to be real about it. She had never been on one and was very nervous about it. She said she may lose control because she likes to do that when she has an orgasm.
Howard found out that Alexis is afraid of pigeons so he showed her a picture of one. She was freaked out by it and screamed at one point. that may have been after Gary put on his mask so he could run the Sybian. Howard had her get on and ride the thing after that. Gary slowly turned the speed up as she moaned and did her thing on it. She said it was the most amazing orgasm. She told them to keep it going even though she may have finished. She continued to moan as the Sybian was running at top speed. Howard asked if she wanted them to take it down. Alexis just stayed on it and kept it going. By then she sounded like she was in pain.
Alexis said she couldn't even stand after that. Howard gave her a standing ovation. Gary said that she did something that was amazing. He said that she got her feet off the ground and rode the Sybian like no other woman has.
Robin said that Howard kept interrupting her even though she was having orgasms. Howard said he didn't know what to do. Alexis said she had at least four orgasms. She wasn't able to walk after that. Robin said that's how a woman should be if you actually satisfy her.
Howard said that Alexis picked the right career. He said she should be in porno and in strip clubs. He had to wrap up with her after that. They went to break after Howard gave her some plugs for the HowardTV.com web site and the NYExoticEntertainment.com.
>Howard asked Charlie if he's ever been ripped off working at a club. Charlie said that there are some rooms that he plays where people don't have much money and they do act different. He said that kind of thing can happen.
Howard and Charlie talked about Katt Williams getting ripped off by people at clubs and how wrong that was. Howard said that there are laws though and you can't just rip off Katt Williams.
Howard said it looks like Charlie has a lot going on right now. Charlie said he has a new agent and they're keeping him very busy. Charlie said that he's with APA now and they have him going to other clubs than he was doing before. He said that he had done other clubs like 4 or 5 times but now he's doing theater shows and making the same kind of money.
Charlie said that he can do four shows and make 4 times as much money as he would make doing 8 shows at a comedy club in one weekend.
Howard asked Charlie how things are going at home. He said that his marriage isn't the best thing right now. He said he hasn't moved out yet. He said that things aren't good. Howard asked if he's dating. Charlie said no to that. He asked Howard if he was trying to set him up because he's going to have to go to divorce court over that.
Howard asked Charlie if his success has ruined him in his personal life. Charlie said the thing that does it is the fame. He said that the family doesn't get famous and that really bothers them. He said that their attitudes change and the people around you will deal with you differently.
Charlie said that he's producing for his family and supporting everyone. He said that when he sits around on the couch they think that he's a bum. He said he's heard a lot of stuff throughout his life. He said that he knows women very well and you can't go too far one way or the other without them giving you a hard time.
Howard asked Charlie about how much he's working out on the road. Charlie said he's away for a few days a week but his family lives in a very nice home. He said that some people think that what he does is very easy and that's just not the case. He said that it's not an easy job because if it was, everyone would be doing it.
Howard said he had the same thing with people telling him that he must be having a lot of fun working. He said that it's not what people think it is though.
Howard asked Charlie where he's living. He said he's got two houses, one in New Jersey and one in Pennsylvania. He said that he goes wherever he wants to go though. He said he's been married for 13 years but that's the way things go.
Charlie said that he thinks that he'll be very well looked after in court. He said that he can move anywhere he wants to make a living so he's not worried about going to court. Howard said he'd be worried.
Howard asked how long a man has to wait to date after divorce. Charlie said that the next day is fine. He said that he'll have a chick waiting in the car for him after court.
Howard asked Charlie if he asks his brother, Eddie, for advice on the divorce because he just had one. Charlie said that they have different situations. Robin said she read that John Kleese had to give his wife $19 million. Howard said he didn't know that guy had that kind of money. Robin said John Kleese says that his wife is now richer than he is.
Howard said that Charlie is going to be at Caroline's this week. He gave him a plug for that and then took a call from King of All Blacks. Charlie said that he actually knows King of All Blacks because he works in his town. He and King go to the same barber shop.
King said that he was sweeping Charlie's street recently and saw Charlie hanging out on his front stoop and he didn't look happy. He was just sitting there and didn't look happy. Charlie said he usually goes out there and curses people out on the cell phone. King said he wasn't on the phone that day.
Howard said that Charlie is going to be in a new movie with Forrest Whitaker. Charlie said he didn't get a lot of money for that movie but the opportunity was good to be in the movie with Forrest.
Howard asked Charlie about who he curses out on the phone. Charlie said it was probably his cousin. He said that his cousin is his manager so that happens all the time. He doesn't have a problem doing that with him either.
King said that Charlie lives in a neighborhood with white people and they never look at him when they walk by him. He said that they pretend that he doesn't live there.
Charlie said that he has a lot of Jews in his neighborhood but the kids in the neighborhood love him. They chase his car down the road. He said that they love Charlie Murphy. He said they aren't trying to chase him out of the neighborhood or anything.
Howard asked if it's weird being the one black guy in the neighborhood. He said that it's not like that, the neighborhood is mixed.
Howard asked Charlie if he's going to have to bang chicks on a nightly basis once he gets divorced. Charlie said he's not like that. He's not going to try and get Wilt Chamberlain numbers. Charlie said he doesn't believe those numbers either.
King of All Blacks asked the guys why they get divorced when they have so much money. Howard and Charlie said that money doesn't solve all problems. Howard said that Charlie is going to have a lot more options now and he thinks that his wife doesn't appreciate him as much as she should. King told Charlie to date strictly Spanish women. He said his wife still sucks his dick on a regular basis.
Charlie said he might be over valuing the blow jobs. He said that those chicks have to give more than just a blow job. Howard said he's right about that. Charlie said he's not impressed with blow jobs. Howard asked what he is impressed by. Charlie said that if she's an attorney and making X amount of dollars a year, that impresses him.
Howard said he's very grateful when a woman blows him. He said that Charlie might be right about the blow job thing.
Howard asked Charlie if he went to marriage counseling. Charlie said that it doesn't work and it may speed things up as far as bringing it to an end. Charlie said that by the time a session is over you leave there wanting to kill the other person. Howard said he's right, they force you to be too honest sometimes. Charlie said that they force you to use words that you wouldn't use with the person at other times.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Charlie lost to Prince in a basketball game. Charlie said that was kind of put on and it wasn't all that bad. He said that Prince can play basketball though even though he isn't very tall. Howard said Nils Loftgren beat the shit out of him in basketball and he's only about 5'5'' tall.
Charlie said that you can't judge a person by their looks. He said that Prince used to jump off of speakers that were like 20 feet tall with those pumps on his feet. He said that anyone else would break their ass.
Howard said he went to see Prince do this really small show and they made them turn off all of the lights. He said he couldn't see a thing so he walked out.
Charlie asked to see what the Sybian looked like. Howard pointed it out and Charlie said that it looked like a radiator or something.
Charlie told Howard that his wife has cancer. Robin said that he can't leave her if she has cancer. Charlie said that he didn't leave her. He said that he was just saying things weren't good. He said that she found out about the cancer after they were having marriage problems.
Howard asked how bad she is. Charlie said it started in the cervix and it has moved to other places. Howard said that's putting a lot of pressure on the marriage. Charlie said it puts pressure on everything in general. He said that they have kids together. Howard said that suddenly this isn't so funny. Charlie said it was never funny. Howard said he was laughing earlier.
Charlie said that he has faith and that's why he's not worried about this stuff. He said he prays and he thinks that's going to work. He said he can pray right there in the studio. Howard told him to put in a good word for him.
Charlie told Howard that one time he did a show where right before he went on stage, his wife called him and told him that their son had just cut off his finger. He said she didn't give him any details and he had to go right out on stage and do his act. He said he had to act like nothing was wrong and that's what he did. He said it turned out he didn't chop his finger off though. It was just cut.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Charlie how he feels about Michael Vick. Charlie said that he was listening to Howard's debate about the whole thing earlier. Charlie said that there are people who have killed people that are in the NFL. He said that one guy did 30 days for murder and he's playing and has been forgiven. He said that he believes in forgiveness and he thinks that Michael Vick should be forgiven.
Charlie said that he's been to jail before and he knows what it's like to be there. He said that anyone who goes to jail cries at some point. Howard asked Charlie what he did to get arrested. He said it was some petty crimes. He said he did his time and he thinks that he's a different person now. He said he hopes that Michael Vick is different now too.
Howard said that Charlie has a great life now and he had his low points. Howard said he'd cry like a bitch if he went to jail. He asked Charlie if anyone tried to fuck him when he was in jail. Charlie said no one even tried and he can handle himself so that's why he wouldn't worry about that.
Charlie said he spent a whole year in jail. Howard asked what he did to kill time. He said he made jokes and goofed on people in the jail.
Howard asked Charlie what sobered him up to get him out of what he was doing in his life. Charlie said that he saw what people were up to in his community and he got into the military. That's what straightened him out.
Robin brought up Michael Vick again and told Charlie that Vick was in that same kind of situation and he still went back and did what he did to dogs even though he had gotten out of that neighborhood. Charlie said that the whole dog fighting thing is bigger than Michael Vick. He said that it's a big industry and it's not just Vick who was doing it. He said if people are really against Vick and the dog fighting then they should be actively involved in trying to stop dog fighting.
Howard told Charlie he needs to get laid after hearing that rant. He said he does love the guy though. Howard said he grew up in the same neighborhood that Charlie did and he's only four years younger than him. He said he would have been honored to have been beaten up by Charlie. Charlie said he thinks that he and Howard would have been friends because he wasn't like that back then. Howard wrapped up with Charlie and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he had to get Perez Hilton in there. He mentioned that they're going to be playing a new game tomorrow. They also have the producer game going on right now too. He said that they have the full rules for that at sirius.com. Howard said he was going to tell Charlie to get his brother to call in and he could have won $5,000.
Howard said they're doing Meet the Shrink with Riley Martin on Friday afternoon. That's on Howard 101 at 2pm. Howard said it's going to take a lot of work to get Riley Martin to listen and Dr. Ablow has his work cut out for him.
Perez Hilton came in so Howard asked him if he's going to ruin his site by getting too close to some of these celebrities. Howard said he's been very mean to Victoria Beckham in the past and now he doesn't do that since he's gotten friendly with her. Perez said he's not that close with her though. He said that he has written some bad stuff about Lady Gaga even though he's friendly with her.
Howard said he saw a sex tape of this McSteamy guy (Eric Dane) and Rebecca Gayhart and some former Miss Teen USA. Howard said it's such a hot situation. Howard said everyone was naked and they were all just hanging around and talking about porn names and stuff.
Howard asked Perez how he thinks that tape got out on the internet. Perez said that the beauty queen was living with this woman who may have stolen her laptop and that's how it got out there.
Howard said that Perez must have focused on that guy's penis in that scene. Perez said it didn't look that big but the whole scene was kind of sexy anyway.
Howard asked Perez about the people who hate him like Richard Johnson who called him a parasite. Perez said he didn't even know who that was. He was joking and said that maybe these other people are threatened by him. He said he doesn't feel that way about anyone else. He said that he loves being able to do whatever he wants on his site. He said he doesn't have a staff like those other newspapers and web sites and he does what he wants and has more traffic than they do.
Howard talked about how he has Perez Hilton feeds that come through his Blackberry. He said that there seem to be people making money off of him. Perez hadn't heard about that app that he was talking about. He said he has to come up with his own.
Howard asked Perez about the time he got punched in the eye by the guy from the Black Eyed Peas management. Perez said that a lot of things have happened since then. Perez was talking about how boring he found their song ''Boom Boom Pow'' and that led to Fergie getting upset with him. He said that she may have been mad at him for calling her ''Fugly'' and things like that. He said that it's all just silly to him though.
Perez said that his web site is like Fergie's crack and she can't stay away from it. Howard said that a woman's appearance is very important to her and maybe she's upset about what he's writing. Perez said that she can stay away from reading it if she wants. Howard said that's why he stays away from SternFanNetwork. He doesn't want to read the negative comments.
Perez said that he had never been punched in the face before this guy from the Black Eyed Peas management. Howard asked why he didn't punch him back. Perez said it happened very quickly and it was a suck punch. He said he was hit from behind. He said there was a picture of it happening and it proves it came from behind. Perez said that he was bleeding and he didn't know what had happened to him.
Howard asked Perez if he was upset that some celebrities were saying this was a good thing that happened. Perez said he has more compassion now and he may not like someone but he doesn't think that anyone should be assaulted. He said that he kind of mocked someone else who had been assaulted and he now feels for people like that.
Howard asked Perez about some stuff that John Mayer has been saying lately. Perez said that he's a very complex person. Perez said that John texted him the other night and told him that he's been reading his site and he can't get enough of it. Howard asked if Perez is going to bring down his wrath on some of these people who thought it was good that he got punched. Perez said that it's not going to get any worse just because of that.
Howard said that Perez has a new record label now. Perez said he does have that and he's signed someone already. He said that he is passionate about music so that's why he got into it. He's got this guy ''Sliimy'' on his label now. He said that he will be promoting the guy on his web site but he won't shove it down people's throats. You can find out more at PerezHiltonPresents.com for more information on the tour he has going on.
Howard asked Perez if anyone has offered to buy his web site yet. Perez said that hasn't happened yet. He has a new fashion blog, CocoPerez.com, going now though so he's staying busy.
Howard asked Perez about calling this guy who punched him a ''faggot.'' Perez said that he regrets making that video and calling the guy a name. He said that he is suing the guy and he regrets it all. He said that he will sue and to give the money to the Matthew Sheppard foundation. Howard said that they refused to take the money because he used the ''faggot'' word. Perez said he couldn't believe what had happened that night. He said that he was in a rage when he made that video.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Perez some questions about Britney Spears. Perez talked about how she still has some rolls of fat on her even though she has lost some weight.
Howard asked who the next break out whacko is going to be. They talked about Lindsay Lohan being kind of that person for a while and how she's still making money doing endorsements and making club appearances. Perez said she has been working.
Hanzi called in and asked Perez if he regrets playing some of the things that he's done with celebrity kids like Adam Sandler's son. Perez said that he has looked back on it and he doesn't do it anymore. He said that he does talk about some kids but they're a little older than the kids he used to make fun of. He said that he makes fun of Bruce and Demi's 15 year old. He wondered if that's too young. Howard said that might be. He said that the kids haven't done anything wrong other than being born to these celebrities.
Howard asked Perez what the last great party was that he went to. Perez talked about going to a party with Lady Gaga. That led to Howard asking if she's pretty or not. Perez said he thinks she is. He said he thinks that she's going to be the next Madonna and she will have the same longevity as Madonna.
Howard and Robin talked to Perez about being a judge on the Miss USA pageant. Perez said he thinks that Donald Trump wants him to judge next year too. The guys talked about the question that Perez asked that led to the controversy with the contestant from California. Perez talked about that and how wacky that whole thing was. Howard said he just wants a Miss USA that's hot and has big titties.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she had to thank Perez for putting Lady Gaga on his web site last year because she became a big fan of her's after that. Howard asked Perez if he thinks that she would ever come on his show. Perez said that he thinks she would.
Howard said that Perez was the first guy to pick up on the story about Quentin Tarantino talking about smoking hash with Brad Pitt. Perez said he posted that story on his site the same day it happened. He said he's on top of that stuff.
Howard asked Perez if there are any things that he has wanted to post on his web site that he hasn't. He said he had a nude of Jamie Foxx that he wanted to post but his people were threatening to sue if people did put it up.
Perez was also saying that these sex tapes that get out are just a warning to people who make sex tapes. He said that they're going to get out there so if you do make one you should be prepared for it to get out.
Howard and Perez ended up talking about Twitter after they spent a little time talking about gay sex. They talked about the Twitter thing and how some agents and managers must get upset with their clients when they post some of the stuff they post.
Perez said that Miley Cyrus sends the most ridiculous tweets. He said that sometimes she'll Twitter something really wacky about an ex-boyfriend. Perez said that some of these celebrities post themselves but there are others who have people posting for them. He said for the most part they are doing it themselves.
Perez said he thinks that Robin's fans would want to read about what she's eating. Howard said she doesn't eat, she only drinks green drinks.
Howard brought up the segment where they talked about being on the phone during a lightning storm. Howard said he had some feedback about that and there were some people who said that it is definitely a possibility to get electrocuted while being on the phone.
Perez said he always get a huge response from the fans when he appears on this show. Howard said of course he does. Howard said that he reaches more people on satellite radio than Conan or Letterman do with their late night shows. Howard gave Perez some plugs for his web sites and wrapped up with him a short time later.
Howard came back and had Ham Hands Bill on the phone. Bill wanted to ask Perez Hilton how many times he put a guy's cock in his mouth after it was in his ass. Howard said that was a good question. He asked Gary if Perez was still around. Gary said he'd check. Howard told Gary to ask him that question. Gary came in and said that he had already left. Howard told him to save that question for next time Perez is in.
Howard took a call from a guy, Mark, who wanted to play a game with them. He wanted to play the Homeless game instead of the Amish game but Robin was liking the Amish game so Mark changed his mind.
Howard played the Amish game with the guy. He had to guess if the Amish guy would answer correctly or not. He had to get 3 out of 5 correct. Here are the questions and answers:
The guys spent a couple of minutes taking about how they had just learned that Lincoln was born in Kentucky. None of them were aware of that. Howard said he also learned that the TV show ''Third Rock from the Sun'' was in reference to where Earth was from the Sun. He said he didn't realize that. That led to him playing a Jimi Hendrix song called ''Third Stone from the Sun.'' Howard said they never play that one on radio. He said it was a great song though.
Steve said that Alicia Lane, Booker's girlfriend, has been hired out in L.A. Booker is working out there already. Howard said that she'll do fine out there. He said that she's hot and she'll fit right in out there. Howard said he'd like to have a beauty pageant with all of the FOX news chicks because they're all hot. He said that they seem to know a lot too and they might be great catches.
Steve also said that writer Rob Eshman has been saying that Howard is an inspiration to him and he thinks that he should always run to conflict based on what Howard does. Howard said he must be thinking of someone else because that's not what he does. Steve got in a plug for the Riley Martin show that's coming up on Friday as well.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down the list of things they'd be covering today on the show.
Steve Brandano came in with his Intern Show preview next. He said they have their last show of the semester tonight so there should be some good dirt on that.
Robin started her news with a story about Richard Hatch from Survivor. He won a million bucks on the show and didn't pay taxes on the money. He went to jail for that. Robin said he was supposed to serve the rest of time at home but he was arrested again after he criticized officials on the Today Show. Howard asked what's wrong with that guy. He said he was out for just one day and he's back in jail now.
Robin had some audio of Richard Hatch talking about the tax problems and how he was treated in court. Hatch claimed that he was being treated differently because he was gay. Howard said that if you get out of prison you have to just behave and shut up. He said you have to get over it and move on.
Robin had a story about Johnny Knoxville getting a divorce and having a new girlfriend. He's also going to be a father again. Howard asked what's wrong with that guy too. He said that he just got out of that situation with his wife and now he's getting right back into the thick of it. Robin said the two have been together for just a year.
Howard had some good tazer sounds to play. He said JD found some stuff on the web. He said the first one was from Dateline: Predator. The cops tried to tazer a guy and he freaked out. Howard played that one and the guy sounded like a woman screaming. Fred played some clips of Curly from the Three Stooges that sounded similar. Howard said that guy wasn't even actually hit with the tazer.
Howard played another clip where a guy actually got hit with the tazer. That guy was shaking and stuttering as he was being shocked by the tazer. Fred played the Curly clip again during that. Howard replayed the first clip and got the Curly clip again. Howard played the porn clip that he had played earlier too.
Robin read a story about some investigations that are going on with the iPhone. They're saying that there were two that exploded in France and they're looking into why that happened. Howard said he read it was a new App that blows up your iPhone.
Robin read about one iPhone that overheated and shattered sending pieces of plastic into some kid's eye. Howard said he thinks that this is why the Blackberry is better than the iPhone. Howard said he was on his Blackberry yesterday but it cut out after about 3 seconds on the phone with Ralph. He said it was dead zone that he gets every time in that area. Robin knew that area and said there are others around the city. Howard said he loves his phone except for the phone part.
Robin read a story about what the average heights are for men and women. Men are 5'9'' and women are 5'4'' tall. Howard said his daughters are all over the place in height. He said he's got one that's 5'9'' and his youngest is only 5'4'' tall and she's done growing. Howard said he has a 26 year old now. Robin said that's a grown up. Howard said it is an adult and he's a fuckin' geezer.
Ralph called in and said that the message Howard left yesterday was the funniest. He was talking about how great his phone is and it cut off in the middle of the call. Howard said he really doesn't care about the phone part because he doesn't make that many calls. Ralph said the Blackberry isn't that great and the iPhone is the best.
Ralph said he liked ''Inglourious Basterds'' but it was too long. He said it was two and a half hours long and it was a little too much. Howard said he could have taken another hour of it.
Robin said that this story about height was talking about how short people are ridiculed all their lives no matter what. Robin read some stories about some people who talked about what they have to go through on a daily basis when they're short.
Ronnie didn't want to be measured and said that he's like 5'7'' or 5'8'' tall or so. Sal said that he was two and a half feet. Ronnie got pissed at Sal for causing problems all the time in there.
Ronnie asked Benjy about his herpes so Benjy asked him if he'll get tested. Ronnie asked him what the fuck he's doing.
Sal got choked with the tape measure when he tried to measure him. Sal came up with 68 inches when he did measure him. Ronnie said that's what he said he was. Sal said that Ronnie is going to be 60 this year. Ronnie said that Sal is dead today. He said he doesn't lay off of him and he can't deal with his shit ''no more.'' Howard told him it's ''any more.'' Ronnie didn't care. He said that Sal never quits with him out in the hall.
Ronnie told Howard he should meet Scott's new intern Pete. He said he's going to love him. Howard said he saw him this morning. Howard asked Pete what's going on. Pete didn't know what was going on. Pete said that he's 34 years old and he's going to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting. Ronnie said he reminds him of an upstate hillbilly. Pete said he's from Jersey though.
Howard said he heard that Pete has Tourette syndrome. Pete said he has ticks but not the verbal part. Howard said he'd be a superstar if he had the cursing part. Ronnie said that he does have the good part of the Tourette. He said that he does grunt once in a while. Howard asked when he does it. Pete said it's involuntary so he doesn't know when it will happen.
The guys tried to get Pete to make his noises but it wasn't working. They had him writing stuff down but it wasn't happening. Ronnie said that Pete writes like a mess so he wanted Howard to see that too. Howard said it was nice to meet Pete. Ronnie said he's a good guy too and he really likes him.
It turns out Pete is 34 and he hasn't gotten laid yet. Howard told him to go talk to JD because he's in the same boat. Pete said that the Tourette gets in the way.
Pete said he's kissed girls but they date him like one time and then he never hears from them again. He said the Tourette thing gets in the way.
Pete is on medication so Howard told him that maybe he should get off of that and maybe he'd make more noises. Pete said that he would. Howard said they might have some work for him there if that's the case. Howard said if he were a girl he'd go out with him. Unfortunately he's not a chick. Pete said that this one chick he went out with a month ago gave him a bum number so he wasn't able to call her back.
Howard told Pete that he's on his radar and he'll keep his eye on him. He told him he can go back to working with Scott. He said he's going to try and get this guy laid. He wondered where they find these guys.
Artie said that he went to that same school but he only went because it was court ordered. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had a voice mail from Eric the Midget Actor to play. Eric said he was reading about what they were saying about him on the show on MarksFriggin's web site (Woo! Plug!) and saw that they said that his parents may have mistaken him for a turkey. He said that they've never done that. Eric also said that maybe Howard's parents mistook him for Big Bird with his height and big nose. Howard said he forgot what they were even talking about. It was during a hunting discussion. Howard said he was just kidding around and he just wanted to get Eric's name out there.
Howard replayed the voice mail for Robin since she had missed it. Eric was upset that they were even saying that about him. Howard said he was just joking and maybe they mistook him for the CEO of IBM.
Robin got back to her news and read about Paula Abdul and how she's trying to get back on American Idol.
Robin read a story about a teacher who has been accused of molesting kids at a school. She had audio of a student's parent talking about how anyone who has feelings for little kids should not become a teacher. The guy was also saying that the person needs to get help.
Robin read about Brett Favre signing with the Vikings and had some audio of some fans talking about the good news.
Robin had some news about the doctor who was Michael Jackson's doctor at the time of his death. He has some supporters who are backing him up. Howard said that's amazing that he has supporters. Robin played some audio of the guy talking about what had gone on and he had a pretty heavy South African accent. They talked about that and wondered where he got his education. Howard said it may have been at the Connecticut School of Broadcasting.
Robin read about the University of Pittsburgh that has declined money from a man who killed some people at a fitness center. They didn't want the money and they think that it should go to the victims and their families instead.
Robin read a story about a guy who is writing a book about his father who shot and killed himself in 1995. The guy is a dentist and Howard was saying that they have a very high rate of suicide in the dental field. Howard said he keeps an eye on Gary's dentist at least once a week to make sure he's doing alright. He said he must see some really nasty shit going down in that mouth. Fred played some sound effects of the guy hanging himself during that discussion.
Robin read a story about this woman who was killed by a wild bear. She had been feeding the bears and one day they ate her. Robin read another story about a woman who was attacked inside her home in Aspen Colorado. The bear was able to open the doors to get inside.
Robin read a story about how it's possible that life on earth got started from things that hit the planet from comets or asteroids. She said that they found life starting particles on a comet that was tested a couple of years ago. They found that the comet had Glycine in it that could have started life.
Howard said that we're alone in the universe and there is no life anywhere else. Robin said it had to start somewhere and it's possible there is more out there. Howard said if there is life out there he wouldn't want to meet anyone else. He doesn't like that.
Robin said she was thinking that she wanted to live in the city because he wanted to soak up the culture and see other people and Howard would never want to do it for those reasons. Howard said she's right and said ''good for you'' for her being able to do that.
Robin read about Sarah Palin possibly being a front runner for the 2012 election and people seem to think that she could win. Howard said she's not the real deal and she won't be getting elected. He said no one would vote for her, not even Scott DePace. DePace confirmed that and said he just wants her to go away.
Robin had some news about Robert Novak dying. Howard said he used to watch him on TV all the time. He had brain cancer. Howard said he was good on TV when he watched. Robin said that he had hit a pedestrian and didn't know it and that's when they found out he had a brain tumor.
Robin read about a girl who won an essay contest about Abraham Lincoln. She had written her paper on Lincoln and Barack Obama. Howard didn't understand what the girl was saying. She had a very heavy accent so that led to Fred playing a couple of clips of people speaking in different languages that they play once in a while.
Robin read about President Obama meeting with the Egyptian president. They had some audio of Obama talking about that meeting. Howard said it sounds like a boring conversation that Obama and the Egyptian guy had.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks kills most toddlers. Howard said he figured it was SIDS. Robin said that it's actually unintentional injuries or accidents in the home. Robin said that they found that new parents were only able to identify half of the hazards in a home. She had some audio of some doctors talking about how parents can figure out what is going to cause a problem. They were talking about having parents crawling around the house. Fred played Eric the Actor's ''Ack ack'' sound clip while that clip was playing.
Robin said that Britney Spears was on David Letterman doing a top 10 list. She did it in a bikini. Robin had some of the audio of that. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:50am.
Gary said that no one really gave a shit about it because Artie got the pitch in there. He said that it would have needed to have bounced about 2 feet in front of where it did to make a difference.
Jon and Gary talked about the minor league games and how they can be more entertaining than the major league games. Gary said that there are some fun games out there and they do constant activity at some of the games like the Cyclones in Coney Island.
Gary said he might be able to get through to the Yankees for Artie and he may have to give it a try. He said he's not sure if they're going through the right process to get Artie in there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to tell Gary that he should give Artie shit about his pitch. The caller said that he had no reason to get that pitch wrong. Gary said that pitch was like throwing it in his back yard and it wasn't the same as what he did. The caller said that Artie gave him so much shit and he didn't get that one pitch right. Gary said that his own pitch was worse because he hit the umpire in the mask.
Gary said there is no room for error in a pitch like that. He said that if he threw one like Artie did, he still wouldn't have redeemed himself. It would still be a disaster for him but it wouldn't end up in the news like his other pitch did.
Gary said he thinks that the Mayor of Cincinnati was worse than him and there were a couple of others too. He said he doesn't think he could do any worse if he did it again.
Gary said he was at Citi Field the other day and he thinks that he could do better. He said everyone was very nice to him there when he was there. He said he didn't get to talk to the players but he was talking to the security guys and people like that there.
Gary said that Ronnie is right in the middle of things and that's why he gets so much crap. He gets it from everyone. Gary said he hates fucking with people because then they owe you one and it never ends after that.
Gary said he thought that Shuli and Ronnie were closer than they seemed to be today. Gary said he didn't know that Shuli was wearing high heel sneakers today.
The guys asked Steve Brandano how tall he was. Gary said that he's 5'8'' tall himself. Benjy thought that Gary's height went up and down. Gary said he thought he was 5'8'' but he might be 5'9'' if Ronnie is 5'8'' tall. Steve and Gary stood back to back and Gary was just a tiny bit taller than him.
Jon asked Benjy about the herpes thing. Benjy said that there were people making accusations and he was just defending himself. Gary said that no one ever made accusations about him having anything. He said he just took it the wrong way. Benjy said that he has set up a test and the news department is going to cover it for him. Benjy said that he spoke to his physician yesterday and she will call in if they want. Gary said they don't care that much about it and they know that he doesn't have anything. They never said he did.
Benjy said that he was mad at himself and at Gary. He said he's mad at Sal and Richard for piling on as well. They talked about one of the callers that gave him a hard time about it too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has herpes and it's not that bad, even if you do have them. Benjy said he knows that it's not that bad but he doesn't have them.
The caller said that he went to a pool and the herpes broke out in the pool. He said he had the break out after that and he went to his wife about it and told her about it and she didn't respond to it. He said that she got tested and they say that women can carry this stuff and not know it. The caller said that he wasn't sure how she got it or how he got it but that marriage is over.
Gary said that he'd still be pissed if he had sex with a woman with a condom on and the woman told him that she had herpes. The caller said that it is pretty fucked up.
Jon moved on to talk to Ronnie about his reaction to this morning's discussion. He asked Ronnie if he was upset about being the shortest member on the staff or something else. Ronnie said that Shuli was shorter than him so he's not mad about that. Ronnie said he was mad at Sal because he never lays off of him.
Ronnie said that Jon doesn't see what goes on out there because he's stuck in that little cubby hole of his. Gary said they have a bullpen there where all of the guys work and it's all open in there. Ronnie is right outside of that and they can hear what's going on there.
Ronnie said that Sal will come by and grab his ass sometimes. Then he'll run. He said he waits for him to come back and then he smacks him in the head as he walks by. He said that's how he gets him back.
Ronnie said Richard has been so quiet lately and he's not messing with him at all. Benjy said that he could just pull them to the side and tell them to lay off. Ronnie said that doesn't work, he's tried that. He said that makes things worse.
Gary said if Ronnie really wanted it to stop, he'd come to him and he'd have that conversation. Ronnie said it won't work.
JD said that Ronnie gives him a hard time all the time and he's complaining about everyone giving him a hard time. JD said he's being a baby.
Ronnie said that JD never has anything to say on the show and he doesn't have anything to say today. He told him that he can leave now because he's done.
Ronnie was saying that the new intern Pete was much better than JD. The guys said that Pete had just been there for like a day. Ronnie said that's right but he's a great guy. Gary said that the interns are transient so he can't compare the two.
Ronnie said that JD is stuck in his glass hole too and he gives him shit too. He said that JD is always giving him shit. JD asked who is piling on who. Chris from Howard TV said that Ronnie instigates it all. Ronnie said that's because JD always has that smirk on his face. He said he's a cocky little fuck.
Gary said that JD has a lot of confidence when he's goofing on Ronnie. He said it's like he's a whole different guy when he's messing with him. Gary asked the guys if they really dislike each other. Ronnie said he doesn't hate him but he thinks that he's a back stabber.
Jon took a call from a guy who was goofing on Ronnie. That wasn't going anywhere though so Jon asked Jason if he had heard what Ronnie was saying about him maybe taking too many confidence pills. Jason said that he heard it and he told Ronnie not to whine about the way people treat him when he's the one who is always giving people a hard time.
Ronnie said that Jason seems to think that he's running things back there and he's not. He said that the shit that Jason does isn't joking around and he's always throwing people under the bus.
Jason said that Jared sometimes comes down and asks Ronnie when Howard is leaving and Ronnie will yell at him telling him it's none of his business. Jared is asking for Tim Sabean but Ronnie doesn't care. Ronnie said he's just joking around about that. He said that Jason isn't joking when he does what he does. Jason asked for an example of what he does that's so wrong. Ronnie couldn't think of anything.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who there actually does love other people on the show. He said that he'd like to know who actually likes the other people on the show and who hates other people. Gary said they did that one time and it let to people not talking to one another for weeks. Gary said he didn't talk to Fred for a couple of weeks after that.
Jon asked JD who he thinks reacted the worst, Benjy or Ronnie. JD said that they were both a little shticky but Benjy was slightly worse.
Jason said that he thought Eric the Midget protested even more than Benjy did when he talked about the turkey thing.
Ronnie said that he never said he was tall. He said that he was 5'8'' and that's what he measured today. Jason said that Sal can't measure. Ronnie said that Shuli measured him and it was with a ruler so it was the right measurement.
Jason and Ronnie were arguing about the height thing and going back and forth about their shoes having heels on them and things like that.
Ralph called in and said that Ronnie overreacts to everything. He said he'll even freak out if you ask him about the weather. Ralph also said he can understand why Benjy would freak out about the herpes thing because no one wants to be known for that.
Ralph said that Ronnie is short and it is funny when they talk about it. Ronnie said that he's average height and he's not short. Ronnie told him that at least he doesn't wear high heel sneakers like Shuli does.
Gary said that Sal and Richard took a cardboard cut out of Ronnie out on the street and asked people if they thought he was tall. It was only about 5'3'' tall though so it was kind of funny. Ralph said that they should have celebrities take pictures next to that thing to see who is shorter than him.
The guys were wondering who started the short jokes about Ronnie. Gary said it may have been Sal. They weren't quite sure who it was though.
Jason said that he was thinking that Ronnie had a poof of hair on his head that made him even taller than he was. Ronnie said he didn't have a poof on there and he didn't know what he was talking about.
Jason said that short people freak him out and he thinks that they look like they're stuck between midgets and regular people. Jason said he knows a guy who runs a TV network and he went into an open house one day and they told him to go get his mommy and daddy to come in with him. He said that was a true story.
Ralph asked Ronnie why he comes into the studio yelling every time because that makes things even worse. Ronnie said he doesn't know why he does that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't understand Ronnie's anger. He said he must have a small cock or something. Ronnie said maybe that's it. The caller said that Ronnie is just a brat. Ronnie said that must be it too.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he was in a lot of fights. Ronnie said he had his share but it wasn't that many. Shuli asked him if he was in a gang. Ronnie said he wasn't in any gang but he lived on a street where they had ''The Hitters'' and the collegiate side. He said that the hitter side was the side where the pizzeria was. He said it wasn't a gang, it was just the side of the street you hung out on. Ronnie told Jason he wouldn't know about that because he hung out with the fairies.
Jason said that Ronnie has kind of recreated that there with the Black Cloud Diner in Scott's office. He said that if you walk by that place they yell at you if you're not in that club. Lisa G is one person who keeps trying to get into that club.
Ronnie said that he tried to date a chick who was on that collegiate side of the street. Her father told him to stay away from his daughter but he didn't. He said they used to meet all the time secretly. He said that her mother caught them once. Ronnie said that she caught them in the house and he got thrown out. Ronnie said that the girl had to stay in the house for a couple of months. The guys had to go to break a short time later.
Jon and Gary weren't sure why the guy had punched Perez. Jared Fox explained the story as he knew it. He said it was a manager who allegedly hit him after Perez had called Will I Am a faggot.
Jon said that Perez was talking about how he's going to continue to write about people even when he becomes friendly with him. Jon asked if getting closer hurts his credibility. Benjy said they'll have to see what happens. Gary said that he's not really a reporter though so it's like his opinion and he does break some news once in a while.
Gary said that he went on Perez's web site one time and saw that he had compared him to Pete Wentz and he was getting tons of calls after that. He said he does have a lot of viewers on his site.
A caller said he thinks that Perez does a great job with his reporting but the guy from TMZ is really creepy. He said that guy is Harvey Levin. Gary said he agrees with that and he also finds the blonde guy on that show to be really creepy too.
Gary said that he watches TMZ even though he is creeped out by those guys. He said that he likes the content of the video they get and that's why he watches.
The caller asked if they have any Penthouse chicks coming in soon. Gary said he thinks they have a porn chick coming in tomorrow. He and the caller were talking about how Penthouse chicks are better than other chicks because they're usually willing to talk about and do more than Playboy chicks.
The guys also talked about Charlie talking about his marriage and how that wasn't going so well. They also talked about how they were joking about it until Charlie said that his wife had cancer toward the end of the interview.
Ralph called in and said that he loves TMZ and the way they goof on people. He said that they do it like it's a pitch meeting and it's an interesting way to present it. He said it strips away all of the bullshit that shows like Entertainment Tonight have. Gary said it all seems rehearsed to him.
Gary said he watched one show where they followed Brad Garrett to his car and they were just annoying the shit out of him. He said it was fun to watch. Ralph said they try to be funny sometimes when they do that stuff and that's what he doesn't like.
JD said that TMZ is the most god awful show filled with the most god awful people. He said that they're not funny and they act like they're above everyone else. He said it's horrible and he hopes it goes away. JD really hates it.
Benjy said that he likes it when they get video of Paris Hilton getting out of her car with no panties but they make a big deal out of it if she's eating pizza or something. JD said that they'll make something that has nothing to do with the celebrity they're questioning.
JD said he thinks the show is terrible and he hopes that it gets canceled. Gary said he doesn't think that's the case. JD said he wants to punch the TV when he watches MTV these days. He said that all of those shows just piss him off. Gary said he wanted to do that with a show he was watching the other day.
Jon ended the show a little early and let Gary get in a plug for an appearance he's making out in Las Vegas soon. Gary said that they had this guy Matthew from ESPN there to talk about fantasy football. Gary only had a minute to talk about it but he had him try anyway. They spent a short time talking about the fantasy football stuff before ending the show.
Howard started the show talking about Rob Zombie coming in today. Dr. Keith Ablow is going to be calling in too. He said that Shawn King is going to be stopping by as well. That's the wife of Larry King. Howard said she's going to be there to promote a Michael Jackson tribute. That led to the guys talking about how frail Larry King is looking these days.
Howard said that he saw Larry like 4 years ago and he was looking frail back then. Gary said that he saw him just recently and he was chasing kids around. Someone he was with thought they were Larry's grand kids but Gary told them hat they're actually his kids.
Howard said he can't imagine Larry chasing children. He said he's glad that Shawn is coming in and that should be a big interview for the day.
Howard said that porn star AJ Baily is coming in today too. He said he had some clips of her's to play. He played one where she was getting banged and Gary said that she's coming in because she claims to be the smartest chick in porn.
Gary said that they've gotten some entries for the contest and the biggest names they have so far is Artie Cornfeld and Don Kirshner. Gary said that most people wouldn't remember who Don Kirshner was. Howard knew who it was.
Gary said Jason called with another one yesterday and told him that one guy said that he can get Ian Astbury from The Cult to call in. Gary said Jason was embarrassed to even tell him that. Gary said the guy also sang with The Doors for a while. Howard said if they don't get better celebrities then Artie Cornfeld might be the best thing they can get.
He said that he was sitting at home packing and bitching and moaning through the whole thing. He said he can't leave it to other people to do because he had to pack up the bathroom stuff and no one knows what he uses.
Howard said that Ralph is moving his closet though so he does have to trust him to do that. He said Ralph always has excuses to go do stuff when he needs him and he could do that stuff on the 10 weeks of vacation that they take every year. Ralph does it during work weeks. He did his impression of Ralph and goofed on him about that for a short time.
Howard said Ralph claims he's got the whole thing under control so he's very proud of him at this point. He said that he's always trying to come up with excuses though so he's going to have to see how he handles this closet move.
Howard said he was handed this thing this morning and it says that Mike Gange has been sick for 3 days but he's still posting to his Facebook account. Howard read some of the posts he had on there. He said that there can't be more than 50 people reading this stuff. Howard read the posts and wondered how he can do them if he's sick. He said if he's sick he should be resting.
Howard read about Mike's illness and how he's going bike riding, going to the movies and complaining about that. Howard said that he's not witty enough to post stuff on Facebook himself. That's why he doesn't do that. Howard said Carol Leifer is witty enough to post on there so he leaves it to people like that. Howard said he doesn't go on Facebook anymore so he never posts anything.
Howard asked Robin why she's trying to change her age on Facebook. He read that she had put in her birth year as 1962 instead of 1952. Robin said she did that but then she eventually took the year out and just left the month and day. Howard said Beth signed up to be her friend and when he saw the date he told Beth it wasn't really her because of the year.
Howard said there are people who post pictures of themselves as they were kids. He said that Scott DePace did that and he looks like he's a kid in his picture. Scott told him that's a joke. Howard said ''yeah right.'' Howard said there are people who will friend anyone on that service and they don't care who they have.
DePace said that he has a good list and a bad list and Howard is on the good list. He said he can hide some stuff from the Stern Fans and not hide it from the rest of the people.
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Howard said that when Riley Martin went off on his own trying to sell ads on his show they had to fire him. He said he didn't just do it once, he did it two times. Howard said they warned Riley not to do it and he did it anyway. Tim Sabean had to fire Riley so Howard came up with an idea to give Riley some therapy to try and get him to understand what he can and can't do. They went to the people at SIRIUS and they okay'd this show where Dr. Keith Ablow will do a session with Riley to get him to understand.
Howard had Dr. Keith on the phone and asked him if he had ever heard Riley. Keith said he has heard him and he's looking forward to working with him.
Howard asked Dr. Keith about the aliens and stuff and if he thinks that Riley is for real with that. Dr. Ablow said that he'll have to reserve judgment on that until he's worked with him.
Howard said Riley doesn't seem to understand that it's not their responsibility to make him money. He said they pay him to do his radio show but he thinks he deserves even more hours and money to do shows. Howard said he just calls him names if he tries to explain things to him. Robin said he gets angry and racist every time they talk to him.
Dr. Keith said that if you think you've been abducted by aliens there are things that happen to people that make them feel that way. He said that sometimes these people have no feelings and they don't understand that you really care about them when you try talking to them. Dr. Ablow said that he has to find out why Riley can't accept that outstretched hand.
Howard said Riley was fired and he still doesn't seem to understand that. He said he has to understand that he can't go out and sell his own advertising.
Howard told Dr. Keith that he has to okay Riley going back to work there after making sure he can understand this stuff. Dr. Keith said that's going to be a tough thing because he's going to have to work with him quite a bit to figure that out.
Artie said that he didn't know they cared about Riley. He said that can be questionable at times there. Howard said they do in the long run though and they want the guy to succeed.
Howard said they have to make sure that Riley understands why he can't sell advertising on his show. Dr. Keith said that he has to make sure that he's okay with that because he doesn't want to fail them in this show.
Robin asked if there's a chance that Riley will end up in an institution after this intervention. Howard said Dr. Keith might want to bring a straight jacket with him.
Howard said that this show is happening tomorrow at 2pm on Howard 101. Artie mentioned that he had some time with Dr. Keith and he did that at his apartment. He told Keith that he may not want to do this there because Riley tends to get jealous of money. Howard said it'll be happening there at SIRIUS so they don't have to worry about that.
Howard asked Keith if he thinks that Riley could brain wash him and get him to follow him instead. He hopes that doesn't happen. He told Dr. Ablow that they'll all be tuning in and listening to the show tomorrow. You can find out more about Dr. Keith at LivingTheTruth.com. He's also got a book out called ''Living the Truth: Transform Your Life Through the Power of Insight and Honesty.''
Artie said he doesn't think that Riley will show up for the show. Robin said she thinks he will because he needs his job back.
Howard said the problem is that if you support the guy on this there is no way to find out what this plan is. He said that there is nothing to read about the health care plan to make sure it's something he wants to support. Gary said that President Obama had a wish list for what he wanted in the plan but he's not working it out himself.
Gary said that Scott thinks that people can get health care no problem. Howard said his daughter works with kids who have nothing and they can't get proper health care without a plan. He said that they can get some coverage but it's not very good coverage.
Howard said he supports the President in trying to get this plan working but he can't back the plan if he doesn't know what it is yet.
DePace said that the plan is going to be horrible and the government isn't going to do it right. He said that they're going to tell people what they can eat at some point.
Howard and Scott argued about that stuff for a short time and Gary said that there is no such thing as a ''death panel'' like Sarah Palin said there would be. Howard said that he wanted to get out of this conversation but he ended up talking about Sarah Palin for a short time.
DePace said that if the government is in charge of health care then there will be things like a death panel. Howard said he really had to get out of this conversation and kicked DePace out of there.
Howard played more of the clip and the woman keeps making that ''Eeeee'' noise. Fred played some donkey noises to go along with it. He also played some buzzer sounds that were similar to the laugh.
Howard played a bunch of news clips and they all said that she was on the show. Howard said he thinks she looks familiar but he's not sure when or if she was even on the show. Artie said that when they first got there they had some Hawaiian Tropic girls come in there. He said that she may have been one of them. Artie said that they have the Hawaiian Tropic restaurant right nearby and maybe she came from there.
Artie said that the chick did look familiar to him but he wasn't sure who exactly she was. Howard said he would like to know exactly what the connection to the show was. He said he feels bad for her family and he'd like to know how he was connected to her.
Howard said he tries to watch Jimi in the Woodstock movie and he just goes on and on a little too much for him. He said his jams just lasted too long. Robin said she's never been able to watch that movie at all. Howard said he has seen it a few times.
Howard said that a lot of people went up to Woodstock and stayed there after it was over. Howard said they were a lot of lost souls who found that area and never left. Howard said that if you go up there now it's the creepiest place ever. It's like Hippie Land up there. He said it's almost like the Amish because they created their own place to live.
Howard said it's really creepy and gross up there. He said it's like Disneyland but it's Hippieland. Howard said it's like they're dark people living up there and it's very strange to him. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said that Shawn was looking really good. He said that she had a kick ass body on her. She thanked him for that when she came in. She asked Howard if they were going to start in with that so early. Howard said of course they were.
Howard told Shawn she had a nice ass too. He said that's all wasted on Larry King. Howard said he can't possibly handle that. She said Howard is right about that. Howard said she was wearing f-me pumps and looked very hot.
Howard asked how the two of them hooked up. He also asked where Larry was. Shawn said that she was at home in bed this morning.
Howard asked Shawn about the last time she was on the show and her dad got upset with her. She said that he called her last night and she thought about telling him that she was going on the show again today. She said she didn't tell him last night though. She said she did tell him this morning. Howard asked if she talks to him every day. She said he's her manager so she does.
Howard said Shawn's father is too involved with her. He said he got all upset after he asked her about her magic underwear.
Howard asked Shawn about the story in the news about her cheating on Larry. Shawn said that this guy was a coach for the kids and he seemed like the nicest guy. She said that it turned out to be that he was a bullshitter. She said that he was telling them how great the kids were and he wanted to coach them at their home. He just worked his way into the family and he seemed to be very nice. She said that they took him on vacation with them and things like that.
Howard got a picture of the kid and he looked like a male model to him. Shawn didn't think he was in very good shape though. Howard said that he can't imagine Larry would let this kid be around her so much. Howard said Larry was a player so he should have known.
Howard said he wouldn't let that kid around her for two seconds. Shawn was complaining about his love handles so Artie showed her what real love handles look like. He got up and took his shirt off and showed her what they really look like. Shawn took a picture of Artie and sent it up to her Twitter account.
Howard got back to this kid that Shawn was talking about. Howard asked her about the kid traveling with her and the kids. She said that he was but her aunt was with them the whole time. Howard said that they must have looked good together as a couple. Shawn said that she was hanging out with him and they may have looked like a nice couple but she really wasn't into him.
Shawn said that when he got fired he got upset and called the National Enquirer. Howard said he claimed that he was banging her on Larry's desk. Howard said he thinks that he actually did that and she loved it. She said that he just wishes he did.
Howard asked if she would take a lie detector test. She said she would so Howard said he's going to set that up for the next time she's in the City. Howard asked her what her definition of sex is. She said that anything like what he was saying was sex. Howard asked about anal and she was getting grossed out by that. She said she knew she shouldn't have come there and her dad was right.
Howard said Shawn looks better this time than she did last time. He said she's looking really hot. Howard asked her if she ever thinks about what it would be like to be with a younger man. She asked Howard if he was the younger man.
Howard found out that Shawn was 50 and he said he would never bang a 50 year old before today. Howard said he'd take her on Larry's desk. Shawn said that there is no desk in their house and that kid was wrong about that because they don't have a desk at home.
Howard said he would bang Shawn on top of Larry. He said he would lay Larry down and bang her right on top of him. Howard asked if Larry has to take Viagra. Shawn said that he never has. Howard said he believes that with Shawn.
Howard asked Shawn if she's going to sue this guy. Shawn said that she's thinking about it. She said that he signed a confidentiality agreement and he's obviously broken that.
Howard said he's had a lot of false things written about him and he has tried to get people to print that it's wrong but that stuff just stays out there. Howard asked Shawn if Larry got upset about that whole story. Shawn said that Larry believed it didn't happen. Howard asked Shawn if she's still happy in her marriage. She said she is.
Howard asked Damon about having Dionne Warwick as his mother. Damon said that he never said that he was Dionne's son when he was growing up. He said that actually closes a lot of doors when you brag about that stuff. Howard asked if he's a producer or a singer. He said that he does sing but that's not his main thing. He's a producer.
Howard asked Damon who he has on his roster. He has Beyonce, Pink, Gwen Stefani and Christina Aguilera among others.
Howard asked them what they teamed up to do. Shawn said that they're doing a CD together. Damon said that they're working on Shawn's album and they even have Larry speaking on their album. Artie did his Larry impression as if he were singing ''Boom Boom Pow.''
Howard asked Damon if he loves smoking weed. Damon said he doesn't really. He said he doesn't partake in that. Howard asked Shawn if she smokes. She said they don't do that.
Howard said that Larry can't possibly handle this Shawn. He asked her when she last had sex with Larry. She said that she had it before she left the house. Howard said he has to have her take a lie detector test.
Howard asked how often they have sex and asked if it was every day. She said they've been married for 12 years so it's not every day.
Artie was doing his Larry King impression and joking about how he had to dock his boat in the slip when he was talking about having sex with Shawn. Shawn seemed a little grossed out by that kind of talk.
Howard asked Damon about Michael Jackson since he was close to him. He asked if he ever saw him without his nose on. Damon said he never saw that. Howard said that he had a meeting with Michael one time and his nose was a mess. He said that he had surgical tape wrapped around it and it was all discolored by newspaper ink because he kept touching it with his dirty fingers.
Howard asked Damon about working with Michael and if he made songs with him. Damon said that they did work on some stuff but it wasn't anything that was released. Howard said that Damon seems to be more successful than his mother. He said that he's not even close to her. Damon said that he was going to be working with her later today actually in the studio.
Howard asked if he could come in and work with them in the studio. Shawn and Damon said that would be great if he could work with them on a song. Damon said they could have him read like Larry did.
Howard gave Shawn and Damon a plug for this web site KingElliottEnterprises.com where you can find out more about the song they're working on. Shawn sang some of this song that she's working on.
Howard told Shawn to come back in when her song is out and they'll do the lie detector test thing. He said he has to clear the air for Larry.
Robin said she heard that she was carted off to rehab too. Shawn laughed and said she had to explain that story too. Howard said she sounds like a lot of fun and he would love to bend her over Larry's desk and do her.
Shawn said that she went to this place for headaches. She said that she was hooked on Vikodin when she was younger because she had really bad migraines. She said that she was off the Vikodin for a year and a half before she went into this headache place. She said that she had a bad migraine on the day that her brother got married.
Howard asked Shawn if Larry is hanging in there longer than she planned. She said that she was planning on at least 20 good years. Howard said that she must be upset that he's hanging in there so long.
Howard had Ed Torian the lie detector test guy on the phone. Howard told Ed that he needs him to come in when Shawn comes back in 2 weeks. He told Ed that they need him for that. Ed told him that was no problem at all.
Howard asked Shawn about the headache she got because of her brother's marriage. She said that she was in charge of the wedding breakfast and it stressed her out.
Howard asked Shawn about what she does to stay in shape. She said that she eats right and works out. Howard said there is a lot to talk about but they had to save some of it for when she comes back in. Howard said that her song ''Will You Be There'' is going to be out next week. Howard said they can bring it back in and debut it there. Shawn said they're debuting it on Ryan Seacrest's show. Howard said that's fine and they can come back when they're ready.
Howard gave them some plugs for their web sites and twitter pages (@damonelliott and @shawnieora) before he wrapped up and went to break. Shawn was saying that Howard really lucked out with that beautiful wife of his. Howard said he's looking forward to them coming back in two weeks. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said the woman with that weird laugh would be good in that song. He said that kind of worked. He tried it with the song ''Boom Boom Pow'' and it fit in that song pretty good too.
Howard said he wanted to mention the passing of the 60 Minutes producer Don Hewitt. Howard said that show is a great show and that guy was a great producer. Howard said they took that guy out of the news department and put him in the documentary division and that's when he created 60 Minutes.
Howard said when he was working for Infinity and CBS was part of the family they went to a Christmas party. Howard said he was like the only guy from radio who got to go to that party. Howard said that most of the CBS people were news people. Howard said Les Moonves was there and Mel was there. Howard said there was a hot blonde chick there too. That was Paula Zahn. Howard said that Andy Rooney was there too and he was giving him the cold shoulder.
Howard said the P.R. guy for CBS invited him and Don Hewitt was there and he was going berserk that he was even invited. Howard said he was thinking that the network was tarnished because he was part of the network. Howard said he thought Don didn't like him but then 60 Minutes did a profile on him.
Howard said that Don retired in 2004 so maybe he was gone already. Gary said it was in December of 2005 that Howard did that 60 Minutes thing.
Howard said he just saw Don Hewitt last week. Howard said he looked frail then. Howard said it was just last week and he knew he was ill. He said he walked in the room and there were about 25 people there. Howard said that someone asked him to come over and say hi to Don Hewitt. Howard said that Don was using a cane and he insisted on standing up to greet him. Howard said he was holding the guy with one arm and Don shook his hand and said he was an admirer of his. Howard said it was a complete turn around for the guy.
Howard said maybe he didn't know who he was and maybe he was just out of it. Howard said Don told him he felt he was a very heroic broadcaster and things like that.
Howard said he told Don he was a fan of his too. Howard said that Don asked him who did the profile of him on 60 Minutes. He said that he's not good with friends and he wasn't able to come up with Ed Bradley's name. Howard said he had to ask Beth who it was.
Howard said that he was probably the last guy to be in touch with Don Hewitt. Robin said that the guy was suffering from pancreatic cancer and he was at a party and standing up to greet people. Howard said that he complains when he stubs his toe so that was pretty impressive.
Artie said that maybe Don was in a shitty mood that time Howard heard that he was upset about him being on the network. Robin said that Ed Bradley didn't expect to like Howard either but they hit it off when they met. Howard said Don really hated his guts from what he could tell at that first party.
Howard said that Don died in his home in Bridgehampton and that might be the best way to go. Howard said that he thinks he met his wife too but he wasn't sure. He said he was very nervous when he met Don. Howard said he doesn't retain much information and they'd have to ask Beth what actually happened there.
Howard said he mentioned he didn't hear from Natalie Maines lately and she sent him a note yesterday about what she's up to. She said that she's fine and just hanging out. Howard said that she was out of the country for a while and she didn't get back to him with the email he sent to her.
Howard asked AJ about the degree and why she got into porn. She said that she has a lot of things that she can do and she knows that she doesn't have to be stuck in just one thing. She said she likes doing this porn stuff.
Howard had some audio clips from her movie ''The AJ Bailey Experiment.'' It was a clip where she was talking about loving being fucked doggy style.
Howard asked if those sounds are real in that clip. She said that they were because that guy she was with had the girthiest penis. She said that some women have him on their ''no'' list because of his size.
Howard asked AJ how big the guy is. She said that he's so big you don't believe it. She said that it's so big even when it's not hard that it's shocking.
Howard asked AJ if she can enjoy a normal sized guy. She said that the best sex she's had is from the average or below average guys. She said that women do like big penises though.
Howard asked AJ about doing porn with two guys the first time. Howard asked if she did girl/girl stuff too. She said that she did that to pay for grad school and then came back and did guys. Howard asked why some girls won't do guys sometimes. She said that it depends on your personal life and what's going on in that. She said that there's a lot of stuff that they have to consider.
Howard said he's not sure he could handle being married to a porn star. AJ said that she had a boyfriend who had a problem with it too. She said that some guys think that you're damaged if you are a porn star but she plans on using her degree to get a job after she's done in porn. She said that she's not sure she's ready to do a desk job at this point. She said that she is ready for the simple life but not to give up the money yet.
Howard said that AJ has signed with Vivid Entertainment and she is doing guys in the movies. She said that she jumped right in and did two guys in the first movie she did. She said she doesn't do anal though. Howard asked why she's so uptight about that. She said she has a rule about not doing it in her professional life if she doesn't do it in her private life.
Howard asked if she has ever had two guys at once. She said she has done that in movies and in her personal life. Howard said Robin has never done that. Howard said Robin hasn't enjoyed her life to the fullest yet. Howard said she's too uptight to do something like that.
AJ said that the threesome thing is fun but usually the guy wants two chicks. She said that women want to have two guys sometimes and that's what makes it special.
Howard said they were going to test AJ today to see how smart she is. Howard said she has this new movie out that he just played the clip from. Howard said they're going to put her in the tickle chair and they will tickle her if she answers a question wrong.
Howard said he heard that AJ is very ticklish. Artie asked if he could be a tickler this morning. Howard told him he has to keep his fingers out of the places they shouldn't be in. Artie said they won't go near there.
Howard found out that AJ started having sex when she was around 15 but was fooling around with girls at 13 and 14. Howard said that she sounds very sexual. Howard asked Robin when she started masturbating. Robin said that she was probably when she was about 5. She said that's when she discovered it.
Howard told AJ to get into the tickle chair. They had her get naked for that. She had nice, natural boobs according to Howard. He told her not to ruin them with implants.
Howard said that AJ wasn't fully shaved. Howard asked her why she made a disgusted look on her face when he asked about it. She said that she's so over that fully shaved thing. Howard said she had a lot of tattoos. He said that it seems like every chick has tattoos now. She was fully exposed and naked in the tickle chair. Artie was one of the ticklers. Will Murray and Gary were going to tickle too.
Howard got into the game and asked her the following questions:
AJ got tickled for the incorrect answer. Artie said he liked tickling her and he was doing that on her lower, inner thigh. Gary was tickling her under her arm pit. Will said that he was tickling her on her side and he figured that if she got another one wrong they should be allowed to fuck her. Gary said that she was very cute and very natural. Howard said that's why Vivid signed her.
Artie asked AJ one question which was ''This year celebrates how old New York City is. How old is New York City?'' Howard said that was a weird question so he wasn't sure that it was a good one. AJ guessed it was in the 1500s but it was actually 1609 that it was found.
The guys got to tickle AJ again since she was wrong. They took her shoes off this time. She said she wasn't ticklish down there but she was laughing as they were tickling her. She tried to hold her break so she wouldn't laugh but it wasn't working. Howard said that's going to be a good episode of Howard TV. She didn't want to pee her pants so that's why she was holding her breath.
Gary asked her if she wanted some water and ''accidentally'' spilled it on her when she was drinking it. Howard asked her ''What is Pi to the 5th decimal place?'' He changed that to ''What is Pi?'' She knew it was 3.14. Howard gave her some more plugs.
Howard played a clip from AJ's movie where a guy is cumming on her face. Howard told her that he was just watching porn yesterday and he saw this couple who had a black guy banging the wife in their house. Howard said it was a tremendous movie that he saw. Artie asked if he was in his apartment watching that live. He joked that it was happening there.
Howard had the guys tickle her one more time just for being a wise ass. They told her that she was lovely. Howard thanked her for being there and said that he's pretty sure that will be number one on Howard TV very soon. Howard gave her some plugs and said that she'll be at Rick's Cabaret tonight. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said Artie was a hungry man this morning. He was eating a Klondike bar. Artie said he loves those things and all of them are good. He went out to get a different flavor but it wasn't there so he got a regular one. He said you can't go wrong with any flavor.
Howard asked Artie how he's losing weight eating all of that stuff. Artie said he's been maintaining weight and not really losing much. He said he was sitting around doing nothing when he was doing heroin so now he's moving around and playing hoops and stuff. He said that he's eating better after the show now. He said he gets grilled chicken instead of chicken parm sandwiches and stuff like that.
Howard read about some of the segments they have in production now. He said that they're going to have new comedians on the show and Jay wants to help them get some attention.
Howard read another press release about the show where Jay talked about how tough the show is and how much more work it is than the old show. They're doing 3 comedy shows worth of material than they used to do. Howard said it's just going to be more shitty bits that were the worst part of his old show.
Howard said that the Inglourious Basterds movie got a 3 and a half star review in one of the papers today. He said that they were right about that movie.
Howard read a story about a Muslim woman in Malaysia that's going to be caned because she was caught having a beer at a nightclub. Howard read about that and found out that she's going to get 6 lashings after she plead guilty to drinking. Howard said that they're saying that this is a good punishment for her. She's going to have this done in a women's prison and they have one week to carry out the lashings.
Howard said that there was a picture of Regis and David Letterman hanging out smoking cigars together at a restaurant. Howard said he doesn't think that Dave actually likes Regis and he's not sure why they hang out. He said that he thinks that Dave is laughing at Regis and thinks that he's just a goof. Robin said she thinks there is some respect there.
Howard asked what the IAAF was. He said it's some kind of sports organization and they're looking to get a confirmation on this woman who they can't tell is a woman or a man. Howard said he couldn't tell from looking at the picture of the woman either. He said that they're looking to find out if she's a real woman or not. Howard said she's only 18 years old and it's got to hurt that they can't tell if she's a man or a woman.
Howard said that they're going to have a bunch of doctors testing her out to make sure she's actually a woman. Howard said that maybe she's not even sure if she's a woman. He said it's the weirdest story ever. Howard said that they had Nicole Bass in there one time and Robin had to check to see if she had a vagina and she's still scarred from that day.
Howard asked Rob if he sewed the patches on his pants. Rob said he actually did. Howard said Rob pretends that he doesn't care but he really does. Rob said he cares about everything.
Sheri said that this new studio was very nice. She hadn't been up there yet. Howard asked if she was nude in any of Rob's movies. She said that she was but it wasn't filmed on set. She said they filmed stuff at home and she wasn't sure if she could say that on the air. She said that he added it to the movie later on.
Howard asked if she's on MrSkin.com. She said she wasn't but the guys told Howard that she actually is. Sheri said she didn't care about that kind of stuff but she found it kind of creepy.
Howard talked to Rob and Sheri about having kids. They don't have any and Rob said that kids are horrible so they don't need to ruin their lives with them. They said that's why they have nieces and nephews, so they can just give them back after 20 minutes.
Howard asked Rob and Sheri how long they've been married. They've been married for about 7 years. Sheri said that she's fine not having kids but there are people who think that they should be stuck in the same horror they're stuck in. They don't want to be stuck with that. Howard said that they do want you to join the misery club.
Howard asked Rob what he would do if Sheri said she wanted to have kids. Rob said that he'd have to figure out what to do. Howard said he'd have to divorce. Sheri said that she thinks that he would have them but she wouldn't do that for him.
Howard asked Rob and Sheri if they would give weird names to their kids if they had any. They weren't interested in naming their kids Vlad the Impaler or anything weird like that. Howard said he would do that.
Howard asked Rob and Sheri if they have friends who hang out with them in the suburbs where they live. Robin said that Rob must be kind of scary to the neighbors. Howard asked if they think that they're like the Munsters living in a straight neighborhood. Rob said that's exactly what they think but then said he was just joking. He said that they don't think that they stick out that much where they live.
Howard asked Rob who he thinks is better, the Munsters or the Addams family. Rob said he likes the Munsters the best. Sheri said that she liked them the best too. Howard said that the Addams Family was great too but the Musters were the best.
Howard asked Rob if it's wrong for them to bring back the Munsters as a new movie. Rob said that he thinks that Brad Garrett would be great as Herman Munster. He said he saw him do an impression one time and it was amazing. Howard said he'll have to have him do that the next time he's in there. Howard had Fred do his impression of Herman Munster and Sheri seemed to love that.
Howard asked Rob if he owns the Munsters car. Rob said he doesn't own it but he used it in a video once and drove it to the MTV awards once.
Howard asked Sheri if she would ever bring another woman into their love life. She said she wouldn't do that and she thinks that she would be jealous and Rob would even be jealous. Howard asked Sheri if she has been curious to be with another woman. She paused and giggled. She said she had an experience before she met Rob. Sheri said that she did that a very long time ago at some club or something. Howard said he must have looked smoking hot back then and tried to get more details out of her.
Howard asked Sheri what went on back then. She said that she may have been on ecstasy at the time. Howard said she sounds like a lot more fun than he thought she was. Howard asked Rob if he's ever used Ecstasy. He said he's never wanted to be touchy feely so he never tried it.
Howard asked Sheri how she ended up with this chick. She said it was one of her roommates friends who just ended up back at their apartment. She said she didn't get very far with the girl. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Howard asked Rob how many times he's asked for details about that. Rob said he never really cared to ask for details. Howard said that Rob had to be lying about that.
Howard asked Sheri what she did with the chick. She said she didn't remember. Howard said she has to remember. Howard asked if she was wearing a bra. She didn't remember that. Howard said this is a lie and she had to know what happened. She said she was on drugs at the time so she really doesn't remember.
Howard said that Rob used to say he was never going to do another Halloween movie but he has. Rob said he changed his mind. He said that he heard about what some other people were doing with the whole thing and he got bummed out. He said that he had to step in and do another one. He got very protective of what he had done with the Halloween remake. He said he wrote the new movie, ''Halloween II'' and it's 100 percent new. He said that it's a continuation of the last one but it's not like the last movie. He said he made Michael Myers human in his movie.
Howard asked if Michael hates his sister. Rob said that's something we don't know in the movie. He said he covered some of his side of the story in the movie.
Howard asked if the movie is violent. Rob and Sheri said that it is pretty violent. Rob said he's happy with the way this one turned out. He said they started this movie in February and they're already done with it. Sheri said it's actually too quick. She said it's usually a year from the time you shoot until it comes out.
Howard asked Sheri if she's in the movie. She said that she is but she's not showing any nip. Howard asked rob what's wrong with him. Sheri said that there are other naked girls in the film so there's enough to keep Mr. Skin happy.
Howard asked Rob if he's done with music. Rob said that he's actually going gout on tour this fall. He said he's not done at all. He's done with White Zombie but he's doing his own thing now.
Howard said he hangs out with Rob and Sheri all the time and Gary was shocked by that. Gary came in and said that he was just curious about what they talk about. Howard said it's mostly the Munsters. He said that Rob and Sheri are actually pretty normal. He said they talk about their dogs, how hot Beth is and things like that as well.
Howard asked the guys what this ''Transylvania Terror Train'' song was. Rob said that's just a song in the movie. He said that the band is a made up band that they did for the movie. Howard played the song that they did for the movie. Howard asked if the guy is a buddy of his. Rob said he is and he's a good guy. Howard said that rob's new ''Halloween II'' is coming out next week.
Sheri asked Fred to play the ''Zero point zero'' audio clip that he plays on the show. She said that makes her laugh. Fred played that real quick for them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Rob and Sheri walking back from breakfast one morning. He said he lives right down the street from them and he thinks that they put up some nice gates and stuff. Rob said that hey had to put up gates and shrubs and stuff. Sheri said that people were just walking up to their house like they were going to be friends with them or something.
A caller asked Rob and Sheri what they're going to do if she gets pregnant. Howard asked if they use birth control. Rob and Sheri said that they do different things to make sure they don't get pregnant. Howard and Rob agreed that using a condom is fine. Howard said he has to use one to slow himself down. Rob said that he's able to last a long time with her. Sheri said that he can go longer than 10 minutes no problem. Howard said he can't last that long. Rob said that 10 minutes is like 2 seconds for him.
Howard asked Rob what he would do if Sheri got pregnant. Rob said that his condom isn't going to break, he's not worried about that. Howard asked if he would have the baby or have an abortion. Sheri said she was going to keep that opinion to herself. She's afraid of people out there who have strong opinions about that kind of thing. Howard said he understands that and figured she was saying that she would have an abortion. Howard said Beth would keep the kid if she got pregnant. She doesn't believe in abortion for herself but she's fine with other people doing it.
Howard asked Rob about withdrawing with Sheri. He said that he does do that. Sheri said that they do fine with that and she's never been pregnant. Howard said it must be a great honor to have Rob cum on her face. She said she scoops it up and sells it on the street.
Howard asked Sheri about the size of her boobs. She said that she has a nice small B-cup. Howard said he could send her to a bra store that would turn her into a G in no time.
Another caller asked Rob why he doesn't put Howard in his movie. Howard asked Rob if he would put him in the movie. Rob figured Howard wouldn't have done it. Howard said he would have considered it.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked how much it takes to make a movie like this in just 6 months. Howard said the studio must be interested in making some good money on this one. Rob said he doesn't care if it out grosses the other one because that would make a person crazy. Sheri said that she's fine if it's not a number one movie. Howard said that if it does well he could do even more movies.
Howard asked how much it cost. Rob said it was between $18-$20 million. Howard asked how long it took him to write it. Rob said that he started in October and he was shooting by February. He said it was pretty quick.
Howard said that he hopes they do well with the movie. He said that he likes that he learned that Rob can hold out so long. He said that was very interesting. Howard said he wouldn't be able to hold out for more than a minute with her. He said that Rob is being insulting in a way by holding out so long.
Howard said that some women don't like it to go too long. Rob said that he gets the signal to wrap it up after a while if he's going too long. Rob said that's just his thing. Howard said he lasts 30 seconds at the most. Sheri said that's because Beth is so beautiful.
Howard gave Rob some more plugs and said that he had to play a Halloween game today. He said that they have Wendy the Retard describing horror characters and they have to guess what she's describing. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was busy eating during that song. Howard quickly moved on to get the game going so he picked up a call from a guy, Bob, who wanted to play. Howard said that he's a regular listener and not a Wack Packer so people shouldn't complain.
Howard said they were going to play this game in honor of the new Halloween II movie. Howard said that he's got $500 in cash for the guy if he wins. It's the Wendy the Retard Horror Game with Special Guest Big Foot. Howard said that they were supposed to have Crackhead Bob play but he refused.
Howard said they're going to have Wendy describe a movie and Big Foot was going to try and figure out what movie she was talking about. Robin said that she's pretty sure the guy can go with ''No'' for every one.
Howard played the first clip where Wendy was describing a movie with a little girl who becomes the devil and at the end this guy gets the demon in his body and he ends up killing himself.
Howard said that was the Exorcist and asked Bob if he thought Big Foot would know. Big Foot actually did know. Bob missed that one.
Howard played the second one which was Wendy talking about werewolves out in the woods and someone turns into one at the end of the movie. Howard said he didn't know what she was talking about. Robin thought it was The Howling. Bob said he didn't think that Big Foot would know. He was right. Big Foot thought it was Teen Wolf.
In the next clip Wendy described a movie with a bad guy who repossess his soul into a doll and then goes after this one kid in the movie. That was Chucky. Bob said he would know that one. He was wrong. Big Foot had no clue. He thought it was Little House on the Prairie.
Howard played another one where Wendy said that this guy escapes from the hospital and he drives around. She said that he drives in the car and tries to kill the baby sitter. It was the movie Halloween. Bob said he wouldn't know that one. Big Foot said it was ''Myers it is... Halloween.'' Bob didn't win because he missed that one. Howard had Fred give him the buzzer which was that crazy laughing lady from earlier in the show.
Howard gave the caller the money anyway. He said the guy was a good guy. Howard said the whole game was stupid. He said they're rethinking the game as they speak. Howard put him on hold and let him go a short time later.
The other guy was Mike and said that he had been friends with Pam for about 6 years. He's a personal motivater. Howard said that Pam has friends and asked them if they ever tried to get it on with her. Pam couldn't believe he asked about that. Pam is married so she wouldn't do anything with anyone like that.
Howard said that this niece of his was like his own child. He said that this is his sister's daughter. Howard said he threatened to kill a guy if he did anything with her on her prom. Pam said that he didn't try anything because of that.
Howard said that Pam was the first born kid in the family so he got to change her diapers and things like that. Howard said she was a beautiful baby. Howard said she has grown beautifully under his tutelage. Howard said she never made number 2 when she was in his care.
Howard said that his sister used cloth diapers and she did the breast feeding and things like that. Howard said he remembers Pam on her own mother's teet. Howard said she loved it. Howard said his sister is a 34-D too. Pam had so much food she didn't know what to do with it. Howard said Ellen is actually a C-cup.
Pam said that she had never seen her naked. Howard seemed to be shocked by that. Pam said that Howard used to come and visit them in Pennsylvania and he would only bring a paper bag with a toothbrush in it. Howard said that's right. He said that he travels light and doesn't need anything else. He said his sister used to make fun of him for that but she was just jealous that he was able to travel so light.
Benjy asked if Howard remembers who he tried to set Pam up with to live with after school. It was KC. Howard said he didn't member that. Pam said he did do that though. Howard said that he's glad she didn't listen to him. Howard said that if anyone banged his niece back then, he would have killed them.
Artie said that if Pam hits on him then he'll have to stay away from her. Howard said that she's half nun and he would have been happy if she had become one. Howard said she's actually only half Jewish. Howard said that it's not too late for her to become a nun.
Steve said they have a story about Big Foot doing a porn movie and not liking the work he did himself. Steve said that Joey Boots is trying to rent a room in the same building that High Pitch Eric was in and they should know about that soon.
Steve said that Scott Ferrall is going to have his voice featured in an upcoming movie. Steve also got in a plug for the Riley Martin special that's airing tomorrow at 2pm on Howard 101.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They ended up talking about AJ Bailey and Shawn King being hot and wondering who was hotter. Howard said he had to go with AJ but only because Shawn is with Larry King. He said that really takes away from her rating.
Howard said that Shawn and Damon were really working on him to come and record something with them today in the studio but he won't be doing that.
Mutt from Superfan Roundtable was on the phone to promote tonight's show. He ran down a list of subjects they had for the show tonight. They have a lot to cover this week. Superfan Roundtable airs tonight at 7 on Howard 101. Mutt had mentioned Benjy's ''alleged herpes'' during that call.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that he wanted to say hi to Pam because she sounds very cute. Benjy started to freak out about the herpes thing again but Howard told him that no one thinks he has herpes. Benjy said that he's going to the doctor today and the news team is bringing in a doctor to test him so he can prove he doesn't have herpes.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was his niece's prom date back in the day. He said he pulled a Rob Zombie on her. Howard said he was insane. Pam said it wasn't really him. The caller said that he didn't ask for it and it was actually Pam who did it. Howard said that wasn't even funny.
Robin started her news with a story about David Copperfield being sued by a woman who claims that he lured her to his private island and allegedly sexually assaulting her and threatened to kill her.
Howard and Artie talked about that case saying that they hope the story is true just so he's taken off the street. Howard said he was actually a nice guy when he was on the show. Artie said that when he made the Statue of Liberty disappear, he could still see it from where he was standing.
Robin read a story about a woman who was trying to get Google to release the name of a man who was posting some stuff about her that she didn't like. Robin said the woman was able to find out who it was but they haven't released the name to the press. It turns out it was one of her acquaintances.
Howard said he will tell Mutt not to talk about it on Superfan Roundtable tonight. He said that Benjy shouldn't have reacted to Gary's analogy on the Wrap Up Show. That's what caused all of this to happen. Benjy said that no one is saying that he actually has it and it's all a joke. Benjy said that Howard would put a stop to it all if they were doing this with Beth. The caller was laughing his ass off while Howard and Benjy were going through this.
Howard asked Mutt not to talk about the herpes thing tonight. Howard asked how he can stop Benjy from reacting to this. Benjy said he knows how. Howard didn't know how.
Pam asked if Benjy was serious about this. Howard said he is. Pam said it's not that big of a deal. Benjy said that dating is hard enough and dealing with this is making it worse. The caller asked if he's using the cream or the pill. He laughed at himself the whole time.
Robin said that no one cares and Benjy is the only one who wants everyone tested. Benjy said he's the only one who is clean there. Howard said no one thought he had herpes but he's protesting so much and that's what's making these people call in.
Pam told Benjy that the kind of girl that he's looking to attract is going to believe him if he says he doesn't have it. Fred said that he knows that Benjy doesn't have herpes but frequent bouts with stress can cause break outs. Howard kept telling Benjy that no one thinks he has it and that's that.
Howard had Mutt on the phone again and asked him to not discuss the herpes. Mutt said he had Benjy's doctor lined up for the show but he won't do that if he doesn't want to. Mutt said he wanted to discuss his reaction to the whole thing because it's so weird. Howard said it really is weird. Artie said that doing that makes it seem like he does have it. That's the irony in the whole thing.
Irish John called in and asked Pam if she ever heard the stories that Howard's mom used to tell him. Pam never had to hear that stuff. Howard said that she just told him all of those stories and filled him with her fears.
Robin read a story about mercury pollution and how it's affecting fish that people eat. Howard said the next thing they know they'll find out that fish give you herpes. They spent a short time talking about that and other types of food. Howard said that he's given up red meat so he eats a lot of fish.
Howard said he had to go back to using regular deodorant because the natural stuff wasn't working for him. He had to go back to dry Ban roll on. Robin said she uses Tom's deodorant and it works for her. Howard said he'll give that a try too. Howard said he doesn't like using the stuff with aluminum in it but it works. Fred said he uses the Tom's stuff too. Robin said that the aluminum gets into your system and causes havoc. Artie said that it's done nothing but bring him good looks.
Robin read about Don Hewitt's death. He died at the age of 86. Fred played the 60 Minutes ticking sound and then a body flopping down on the floor. Robin had some audio of some people talking about how great Don was.
Robin read a story about a 16 year old camp counselor who helped avert a disaster when the bus driver on the bus passed out after having a heart attack. She was able to bring the bus to a stop.
Robin read a story about the helicopter plane crash over the Hudson. They've released some audio of the air traffic controllers having a discussion about barbecuing a cat while that was happening. Robin said that's the kind of thing that happens when people get comfortable with their jobs. Howard said they should really work like it's their first day on the job every day.
Robin read a story about a gay female couple that were asked to leave a restaurant because they were hugging after eating a meal. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how other people were trying to eat in that diner while they were hugging and it was stopping people from eating. They had some audio of a guy saying that the touching was inappropriate so they were asked to leave.
Robin had some school shopping suggestions from a woman who suggested going to a second hand shop for clothing. That led to Howard talking about his mom's panties that were so big that they could have been used as sails on a ship. He went into his mother's voice for a couple of minutes making fun of some of the stuff she used to talk about with him.
Robin read that Plaxico Burress has pleaded guilty to holding a gun when he shot himself last year. He could get 2 years in prison for that.
Robin read about John Edwards' baby mama showing up in his neighborhood. Robin read that she's moving into the same neighborhood much to the dismay of his wife who is battling cancer. Edwards is denying that he's the father but he's going to embrace raising the kid and is helping the woman move closer. He's even paying child support to the woman but still claims it's not his kid.
Robin read about Dirty Dancing being remade. Artie said he thought she was going to say ''Dirty Work.'' Howard said you can't remake that movie as good. Artie said he never saw it. He said that Patrick Swayze guy creeps him out. He said he did like ''Ghost'' though.
Robin read about a remake of The Yellow Submarine as well. Howard said that's another one that can't be remade. He said he wasn't a fan of the original one but you can't remake that stuff.
Robin said that they're making a movie with Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis in it. Stallone is directing the movie. Howard did an impression of what that would sound like with Stallone and Arnold doing their lines.
Robin played some Yoko Ono music and said that she's getting into the fashion business. Howard wondered what she could possibly be making. Robin said she's working with a design trio that's going to be presenting their spring line soon.
Robin read about Neil Diamond being back on the top of the charts. Robin and Howard said they don't know anyone who listens to his music. Robin said he's got a new CD/DVD package out now and it's up at number 2 on the Billboard charts. Howard said he thinks about his mother's panties when he hears Neil's music.
Robin read about ''Inglourious Basterds'' is opening tomorrow. She had some audio of one of the stars of the movies talking about it.
Robin also had a story about it being the 36th anniversary of the song ''Angie'' by the Rolling Stones. She finished up her news after that and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Gary said he likes how Shawn is 50 years old and she wasn't able to tell her dad what she was going to be doing today.
Will said that she was hot and it is kind of depressing that Larry King gets to bang her. Jon said that she eventually agreed to come in for the lie detector test in a couple of weeks. Gary said he's going to try and set that up next week when they get back.
Jon played a clip of Shawn talking about the baseball trainer that she denied having an affair with. After that clip Jon and Gary talked about that strange situation and how Shawn is claiming that nothing went down with that guy. Gary said that Shawn can say that she didn't do anything with the guy but the guy was good looking and she was claiming he wasn't.
Jon and Gary also talked about Shawn's claims about Vikodin and how she was saying she wasn't addicted but she did say that she had to use them and she wasn't able to stop. Gary said that's an addiction.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Shawn was a great guest on the show but they should go back to talking about Benjy. He said that the stock price for SIRIUS keeps going up when they do talk about it. Jon said he's not going to talk about it. Jon said that talking about a disease that he could possibly have just isn't right.
Benjy asked the caller if he would be upset if he made jokes about something that wasn't true and kept doing it. The caller said that he shouldn't have freaked out in the first place. Benjy said that he knows that. Gary told Benjy he has to just let it roll off his back and it'll go away. Benjy said that he can't let it go because people keep bringing it up.
Benjy went on and on about the herpes thing again. Gary and Jon were arguing with him about it just being a joke that Benjy has blown out of proportion. Benjy said he's trying to stop it now. Gary said he's never going to stop it if he keeps bringing it up on the air. Jon told him that he has to just let it go.
Benjy said he wants a test done on the air and he needs someone to come along with him and verify it. Benjy wanted it done live on the air but Gary said that's not going to happen on the show. He said that the news department can cover that.
Another caller got them back to the Shawn King thing. He said that people don't get migraines because they have to put on a party. He said she's a liar. Gary said that people do get them from stress. The caller said that he thought she was lying about that and about not going to rehab.
The caller said that he doesn't think that they'll ever get Shawn on the lie detector either. He said that she won't come back.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Shawn was horrible on the show today. He said that she has nothing to offer to the show. Gary said that they booked her because she's Larry King's wife. The caller found all of the Michael Jackson stuff boring. Gary said that's not why they booked her though. Gary said that he doesn't understand how the show works. He said the only reason people come in is to plug stuff. He said that Shawn wanted to plug that album and not just talk about Larry King.
Gary asked the caller why he cares why she thought she was going to be there. Jon thought that she enjoyed herself on the show today. He didn't think it was a bad appearance. Gary said she was willing to make that trade off to talk about Larry while getting to plug her CD.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he hasn't heard JD on the show for like 3 weeks now. Gary said he was just on yesterday. The caller asked when he's going to be on next. Jon said he's free to stop by anytime.
Jon said that the more you protest, the more people think it's true. Benjy said he knows that but he's not going to give it up until he clears it up.
Another caller said that he thinks this show is better than the regular show at times. He said that Benjy never tells the girls he dates on the web that he's from the Stern Show so he's not sure why he's worried about this herpes thing. Benjy said he does date other girls that do know where he works so he wants to make sure it's clear he doesn't have herpes.
Another caller said he loves the callers that don't get the show. He said that if Gary were a salesman he would have been thrown in jail years ago for bait and switch. He said that Gary books these guests for the show thinking that they're going to do something and they end up going into this deep, dark interview with Howard. Gary said that most people know what they're getting into. He said that there have been guests that don't want to talk about certain things and he's told them to not come on the show.
Beetlejuice called in and tried to joke about the herpes thing. The guys told Beet to goof on Bob Levy since he was the one feeding him some lines. Beet didn't play along very well so they had to let him go.
Jon said that AJ was getting her questions right at first and it seemed that she was very bright after that. Gary said it was clear that she was up on current events.
Jon played a clip of Gary screwing up with the Equilateral question. Will thought that was funny because Gary thought he had it right with ''Trilateral.''
Jon asked Benjy who he thought was into the tickling the most. Benjy said that it was pretty equal and she seemed to be into it too.
Gary said that they had a conversation about Benjy doing the tickling but they felt that it was best not to have him do it because he has wandering hands. Benjy said that he doesn't do that now and that was just when they had the vibrators on a stick that he was doing weird stuff.
Benjy wanted to tickle Gary to show how good he is at tickling but Gary refused to let him touch him. Gary said he's very ticklish.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Benjy if he wanted to turn a negative into a positive and maybe get someone to let him endorse their herpes product. Benjy said that he hasn't thought about that. Gary said that was a good point. He said that there are guys who promote stuff that they may not use. Benjy said he would do it if it was enough money. Gary said that doesn't mean that he has anything, he's just willing to endorse a product.
A caller asked if Benjy's mood swings are a side effect of using Valtrex. Benjy said he's not taking that stuff. Another caller said he was going to joke about that as well but he realized he wasn't so original. The caller told Benjy he comes off as guilty when he denies it so much. Benjy said he doesn't know a better way to defend it than to do it like that.
The caller asked Jon and Gary if they would want to have their own radio show when Howard retires. He said he thinks that they'd be good doing their own show. Gary said he has thought about it a lot lately. Gary wasn't sure that anyone would be interested though. Gary said that he likes doing the show with Jon and they could have fun doing a show about something else. He said they don't talk a lot of sports or geeky technology together but that's what they could do if they weren't talking about the Stern Show.
The caller said he got hooked to Howard's show after just hearing a short clip one day. He said he loved it and got hooked and the only reason he has satellite radio is because of his show. He said if they kept some of the staff there, he'd keep subscribing. The guy said that it's fine if Howard retires but he thinks that Jon and Gary should keep doing a show there. Gary thanked the guy for that but he wasn't sure if anyone would care if they were talking about anything but Howard. The caller thought they would do fine.
Gary said that Benjy is the kind of guy that he expects to be on there. He said that Jason has been on there too. Will said that you get feedback from your friends if you do that. Gary said he finds it very narcissistic to post about riding your bicycle. Benjy posts jokes and things like that on his account.
Mike Gange called in and had to shut off his tea pot because he was making some tea since he's sick. Gary asked Mike if he knows that Howard is going to see his posts and goof on them. Mike said he's trying to live his life and not live it for Howard.
Mike said that everyone on his Facebook page is a friend of his. He said that he's just commenting to his friends and not to the fans so he's reading their stuff and they're reading his. It's just for his friends.
Gary asked Gange if he can get laid on Facebook. Mike said that he gets mostly dudes friending him on there so he's not sure about that. Gange said it really hasn't helped at this point.
Jon asked Gange about posting pictures from his younger years. Gange said he thinks it's funny to do that. He said everyone does it and it's not just him. Everyone is doing it and he's being picked on. Gange pointed out that Scott DePace is posting pictures of himself with hair so he does the same thing.
Gange said that he's not defying Howard by doing this. He said he's just not going to let Howard run his life. He said that Howard could goof on him every day and he's not going to stop doing this stuff just because Howard doesn't like it.
Gary said that Howard hates it when people are doing frivolous things like that and it just pisses him off. Gange said that Howard plays chess so that's kind of a ridiculous thing to waste time with but he doesn't goof on Howard about that every day. Gary said that Howard would argue that chess makes you smarter. He said there is no proof of that though.
Gary said that he had one of Gange's posts about 60 Minutes talking about Gwyneth Paltrow being one of the most beautiful women in the world as if it's a fact. Gary said that's the kind of stuff he expects from Gange.
Jon was going to let Mike go but he was in a jolly mood so Will goofed on him for not sounding like he was really sick. Gange said he had a cough so he didn't want to come in and get people sick. Will said that they know he's really sick because he missed out on Miss Howard TV yesterday.
Jon took a call from a guy who thinks that Benjy is in one of his shtick comas with the herpes thing. He said that he's not sincere about the whole thing and it's obvious that it's all faked.
Gary said he told Benjy at the end of the show the other day that he was really mad but then he said he wasn't really mad so it wasn't clear if he was or not. Benjy said that's because he wasn't sure if he should go with it or pretend he was faking it because they all thought it was him joking around. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked how they thought Sheri looked. Will said she might be one of the hottest chicks they've ever had in there. Jon asked if they think they'll ever have kids. Gary said he thinks it was a no based on the way they were talking about it today.
Jon brought up how they were talking about the neighbors bothering them when they moved in. they put up fences and stuff to keep people from doing that. Gary said that's a normal thing when you move into a neighborhood though so it's not that surprising.
Jon talked about the Wendy the Retard game they played. Gary said he thought it worked but Will said Howard didn't seem to be too happy with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said today's show was great. He asked if ''Herp'' was still there. Gary and Jon said that they didn't know who he was talking about. They didn't want to refer to Benjy. Benjy didn't say a word.
Another caller goofed on Gary about fucking up the question with AJ today. He had a bad phone connection so they had to let him go.
Another guy asked Gary if he's going to have to wear booties to Howard's house. Gary said he's not sure what he's going to do but he'll probably carry around a pair of socks so he can keep his feet covered up. Will said he should wear those things that Jackie used to wear on his fingers. Gary said those were Finger Cots.
Another caller said that he knows where Rob Zombie lives and said that he can imagine why people would treat them strange because it is a small town. He lives just a couple of miles from them. He said he knows some of the people there and they haven't had issues with them. He said that their gates are quite large though.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked why they don't have Don Kirshner on the show. Gary said they had him on the show years ago. He said that he's a really nice guy but he doesn't give any insight into anyone if you ask him about them.
Gary said that they have a few entries for that contest they're running. They only have a few people. Gary said that they have a guy who is a 15 time motocross champion who is right up there too. No one had anything to say about that.
Another caller asked Gary about Tabitha Stevens eating his toenail when he had the foot fungus. Gary said he didn't have it at the time but the caller thought he did. Gary said that's probably not the worst thing Tabitha has eaten.
Gary said that when Howard calls you have to drop things and just go do it. Ralph doesn't always want to do that though. Will said that it's tough for Ralph picking out 4 outfits a week.
Another caller said that tomorrow the Space Man returns and it's going to be a train wreck with Riley Martin. Jon asked the guys what they think about that and if Dr. Ablow is going to be able to prepare for Riley on the couch. Gary said that Dr. Ablow has probably dealt with people like Riley before. He should be okay with him.
Jon said that with Riley you just don't know. He said they'll find out tomorrow on Howard 101 at 2. They'll have Riley and Dr. Ablow on Meet the Shrink.
Another caller said that he wanted to leave his number for Gary just in case he gets bored out in Vegas next week. Gary said he can do without him and his wife. Jon said he's been waiting for those boredom jokes. That led to Gary wondering where his Philly caller is with the jokes about the Mets. Will said it's just sad with the Mets now, that's probably why he stopped calling in.
Benjy said that Pam was still in there so he wanted to ask her a question. He said that listeners are dying to know if Howard and Beth are going to have a kid and he wanted to know her opinion on that. Pam said that Howard doesn't seem to have any plans for more kids but anyone can change their mind. Benjy said he's been waiting 10 years for that.
Benjy asked Pam when she became aware of the show. She said it was when she was young. She said that it was always on and she always listened to it so she was fine with it. Will asked if she calls Howard ''Uncle Howard.'' Pam said she calls him ''Uncle How.'' Gary said he doesn't let his kids listen at all. He said they're aware of the show but he won't let them listen to it. They had to end the show a short time later.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 10:45am.