Howard Stern Show News Archives.
Howard started off the show welcoming everyone to the show. He said he had Riley Martin coming on the show today. He said they also have a guy who will shave his girlfriend's head. He mentioned they had a new CBS TV show coming up Saturday night as well.
Howard played a quick Stuttering John interview with Ted Williams. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about that guy and how he had met Mike Piazza when he was young and told him he was going to be great some day. Howard and the guys also talked about some other baseball players.
Howard brought up his parents anniversary which is coming up on the 50th. He said he doesn't want to celebrate that because them coming together was nothing that great. He used to pray that they'd divorce when he was a kid. He figured that if they did that, then he'd only have to see his father half the time. Some kids would hate to have their parents split up but Howard said he would have been fine with it.
Howard said he was thinking about who might be a great dad and Tom Chiusano came to mind. He said he might be as dull as a rock but he has a great relationship with his son. Gary thinks that having just one kid was a good idea too because he can spend all of his time with the one.
Howard figured that his father doesn't know his grandkids full names. He said there's no way he'd know their middle names even though he knows their first names. He wouldn't know their birthdays either. Howard said he knows his kids names of course but his father wouldn't know because he doesn't care.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard's microphone was letting out a hiss and it sounded awful. Howard thought they sounded okay because they replaced his. He played with his board and showed how there was noise coming from Fred and Jackie's microphones though. He has to cut them off during the show to cut down on the noise. Robin said that the company had to know that they needed all of those mics to be used.
Howard brought up Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman because they were in the news this morning. That led to Howard and Robin talking about them and how they're appearing naked all over the place.
Howard said there was another article in the paper about how bad he sucks but meanwhile he's number one in New York City. He said he got a note from Vinnie Favale over at CBS who sent him a copy of a memo that went around about how he had increased his ratings. Howard tried to get it but his computer wasn't starting up.
Howard said that the newspapers like to slam him because they call him a nationally syndicated show and they have the lowest ratings. He said that's because he's only on in 50 markets. He said that CBS says that he's number 1 or number 2 in every market he's on in on a CBS station though.
The caller told Howard that he had a phony phone call but the guy was kind of boring Howard. He let the guy play the call and he ends up talking about a hail storm and yelling out ''Baba Booey'' a bunch of times. Howard told the guy it was pretty funny. The caller said that the anchor was laughing as he was doing it.
Howard talked about news anchors and how old some of the women are looking there on the local New York stations. Howard also talked about how many hot chicks there are walking around New York City during the summer. He said they don't reflect that in the news though. He said they need to grab some hot chicks from the street and stick them on the newscasts. He said he'd watch the news if they did that. He wants someone dirty too, not someone like Deborah Norville who's all prissy.
Howard read that Larry ''Ratso'' Slomin is a creative consultant in the magazine. He said he didn't know what was going on there. They also had Hank the Dwarf in there. He went on to read through the Jackie article for Robin and it turns out Jackie is going to have his own column in the magazine where he'll be writing everything from jokes to recipes.
Howard started looking at the girls in the magazine and had to stop before he got too distracted. He had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that ESPN covered some women's soccer games and they did better than some hockey games. They found out that even car racing gets better ratings than hockey. Howard wondered how hockey players must feel when the hear that. Howard said that race car drivers are always claiming that driving is hard but it's really not. Howard said that even he can drive.
Gary asked Howard who he thinks is more of an athlete, a bowler or a race car drive. Howard said it's the bowler. He and the guys talked about some other sports as well but Howard said his microphones sounded really bad. He went on about that and complained about the way they had them set up at the couch too.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy said that he was watching the CBS show and he was wondering if Howard could help him out with a date by letting him go out with his daughter. Howard told him no and said that he's way too cool for his daughter.
Howard said that laugh goes on every 30 seconds or so. He played a bunch of clips of her doing the laugh and did an impression of it as well. He said that laugh must be like a nail going into Regis' brain when he hears it. Howard said that Regis must brace himself every time he's about to hear that.
Howard said that he loves Chris Rock and had a new clip from his stand-up. He played the clip where Chris was talking about crazy people in this world and how people have to find something to blame for them being crazy. Chris wondered what Hitler was listening to on his CD player that made him crazy like the Trench Coat Mafia guys were. Howard said that Chris will be coming in there soon and he really digs him.
Howard said he saw Jerry Seinfeld the other day and asked him if he's retired. He said Jerry has a bunch of things going on even though he was done with his TV show. He said he didn't spend a lot of time with him because he didn't want to talk too much. He said he did think he looked relaxed being away from that TV show.
Howard said he was talking to his father the other day and he actually suggested that he start drinking. He thought he'd be more relaxed if he started doing that.
Mike Gange came in and told Howard that when they took Gary out on a date with a retarded girl, he scored about a 20. Howard questioned Gary again about whether or not he's in a retard league and he finally admitted he was. They give them a little bit of a handicap in the game. Gary didn't say how much that handicap was but it's probably somewhere close to 100. Howard asked Gary to please not play darts.
Gary mentioned he was going to be at a KUFO event out in Portland, Oregon. He'll be hanging out with those guys out there. He also said he wants to come on the show soon. Howard told him they'll have him in soon. Gary was saying that he needs someone to help him make money too. Howard told him that the guys from KUFO should be paying him. Gary said they don't and went back and forth with Howard and Robin a few times after they told him that they should be paying him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Roddy Piper was putting out some challenge to him. Howard said those wrestling guys have been after him to do some stuff with him but he's not sure he wants to do that kind of thing. He figured that's where these challenges are coming from. He said they're just trying to entice him into doing something with them. The caller played the clip of Roddy doing his thing and telling Howard that he wants to challenge him to a match because he's the cause of what's wrong with the youth of America or something like that.
Howard ended up goofing on a bunch of different wrestlers and said that they're all scripted so he doesn't take that stuff seriously. Howard said they do have Stone Cold Steve Austin on the show but he's good because he talks like a normal guy. He said the guy talks about his divorce and stuff like that. Howard let the caller go because he had Riley Martin on the phone.
Riley said he's now working at a chicken egg farm up in Washington, New Jersey. He goes around talking to the chickens and collecting eggs. Howard asked Riley if he could score some coke up there. Riley just laughed. Riley said that you just sniff chickens and no coke. Howard asked if that was part of the deal he made to get out. Riley said that it was thanks to his lawyer Angelo that he got out and got to work at this farm.
Howard said that Riley seems to be much happier now that he's out of jail. Riley said that he basically talks to chickens and collects eggs up there at the farm. He said he's actually starting the job tomorrow. He's waiting to do a movie, which will be done eventually, so this is what he'll be doing. Howard let Riley go a short time later.
Howard had Riley's lawyer Angelo on the phone so he talked to him for a short time. Angelo said they worked hard to get Riley out of jail. They had to find him a job and that's how they came up with the egg collecting thing. Howard said that was a nice thing for Angelo to do. He thanked him for that and let him go. Howard said they were going to go to break and then play a game when they came back. He explained the game to Robin but he had it wrong himself.
Howard said that if you go to work every day, you shouldn't even be thinking about the Mayor. The guy was saying that he gets thrown up against the wall 5 times a day doing what he does. He also said that he's a fan of Howard and his fight for the freedom of speech.
Howard played another clip of Chris Rock doing his stand-up act. Then he got back to this game they were going to play. Jackie played this game at some hotel he stayed at and thought it was pretty cool. You tell people two true stories about yourself and make up one. Jackie put together a couple of stories and Howard collected a few from other members of the crew so they could play. It turned out to be a half hearted attempt at a game but the true stories turned out to be pretty interesting. Here are Jackie's:
Trey is the bassist in the band Hourglass Sally but works as an office equipment salesman for Toshiba as a real job. Howard spoke to the two of them for a few minutes and noticed that Becky the girlfriend was getting excited when he asked her about getting topless. Either that or it was cold in the studio. She's not a stripper but she didn't have any problem taking off her top for Howard and the gang. She pulled off her top and kept if off for about 15 seconds according to Gary. Gary applauded her because they were so nice. Howard just said ''Wow! They're nice!'' when he saw them.
Howard then went on to play a few quick bits of Hourglass Sally's songs. The music was good but Howard wasn't impressed with the singer's Eddie Vedder-like singing. One caller called in and said they sound ''...like Candlebox on crack.'' Robin said she was actually getting sick listening to the songs. Howard gave Trey some advice by saying ''Be nice to your boss at Toshiba.''
Howard eventually got Becky to show him her thong so he'd play another track off the CD. She gave him a quick view so he played the track. You can find out more about the band at HourGlassSally.com.
She told Howard that Jan Michael is missing and she wants to get him some help. She claims that he's been drinking and abusing prescription drugs lately and he's having problems with his liver. She said that she recently spent $17,000 on rehab for him.
Lisa also claims that she wants to marry him even though he beats her up when he gets drunk. She even claimed that while she was pregnant with their child he beat her and she lost the baby. Yet she still wants to marry the guy.
Howard couldn't figure any of this mess out so he asked Lisa to put her mother on the phone. Her mother was in the other room so Lisa got her and put her on with Howard. Lisa's mom has never met Jan Michael but said she's spoken with him on the phone a couple of times. She said that he's a sweet guy from what she can tell and that perhaps Lisa can make him happy enough to get off drugs and booze. That didn't solve anything so Howard spoke to Lisa a few more minutes.
Howard asked her what she wanted him to do to help. She didn't have any requests. She just wanted to let everyone know what was going on. Howard had better things to get to so he let her go.
Frank and Sean came in with a black dwarf whose nickname is Beetlejuice. They call him that because his head is so small and he looks like a character from the movie ''Beetlejuice.'' Howard spoke to Beetlejuice a little bit and wondered what was going on there. He said he didn't want to spent the whole show on this. He said Beetlejuice has a tiny head but Beetlejuice said he thinks it's large. Frank explained where the name came from but Howard but him off and said he was obviously drunk. Howard explained who Frank was an dhow he had been on the show before.
Sean said they found Beetlejuice in the neighborhood by where he lives. Beetlejuice told Howard that he's actually the tallest in the family. He has some brothers and sisters and he claims to be taller than all of them. Beetlejuice claimed that his parents weren't dwarves but the rest of his family was, but then contradicted himself and said that he was the only one. Howard said the headphones looked like they were going to crush Beetlejuice's head like a walnut.
Howard got Frank's girlfriend Patty in the studio to find out what was going on with her and Frank today. Patty is an ex-stripper who has been going out with Frank the dwarf for 2 and a half months. She said that she was crying this morning because Frank had cheated on her... again. She said that this is about the 5th time he's done that and she was upset. Howard was amazed that Frank can get laid that much being a dwarf. Frank denied that he's cheated on her. Howard had the two of them kiss and make up but it didn't seem to help much.
Benjy came in at one point and told Patty that he'd treat her right if she went out with him. She said she might be interested and within a few minutes she agreed to go out with him. Frank got pissed and said that Benjy wasn't going to touch his woman. Benjy said he'd fight Frank for her. Patty told Frank it was over and then admitted she once slept with a bouncer after finding out that Frank cheated on her. That pissed off Frank even more.
KC said he's never seen Jackie so amused by something. Jackie said there was a lot to figure out there. Howard had to end all of the fun so he had Sean give his plug out. You can see pictures of the dwarfs at JollyDwarf.com.
Howard was going to go to break but ended up listening to Type O Negative covering the song ''Cinnamon Girl.'' He said he loved the cover and said he could tell he was going to be addicted to it. They went to break a short time later.
Howard thinks he's right as far as not wanting to cut certain women's hair just because he specializes in a certain cut. He told the guy that perhaps he should just go about telling people in a different way than he did. Howard said he'd just tell the women that he doesn't think he could do the right type of cut for the women. Howard asked him if he'll cut fat chick's hair. He said he has no problem with that. He said the person just has to look good with the hair cut he does.
Howard wrapped up with Giovan and gave him a plug for his shop. He only charges about $35 per cut and said he really doesn't need to make that much money because he enjoys what he does. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard asked if it was okay for a woman to use her foot on him and if that would be considered cheating. Robin said there is some confusing things about oral sex and how that may not be considered cheating. Howard said even his mother didn't think that oral was considered regular sex.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Benjy had called her and asked her to call in to talk about oral sex. She said that she once refused to give her man oral sex and he didn't talk to her for 3 and a half years. Howard let her go and took some more phone calls.
A caller told Howard about how movie theaters are giving out tickets to the wrong movies to help themselves out so they don't have to pay money to George Lucas for his Star Wars movies which cost more than other movies. Howard said he could see that happening but he doesn't know for a fact that they do that. He had Robin start her news a short time later.
Stuttering John came in and suggested another song that Howard might like but Howard kicked him out saying that he was confusing everything. He said he always does that. Howard went on to play a version of a song that they play on MTV that he and his kids like. He said that song isn't the same one they have on the actual album though. The song was kind of gay so KC told him to never call him gay after revealing that he likes that song.
Howard played the album version of the song that he likes and he said he would never like it if it sounded like that. He said there are a lot of songs they do that with and he doesn't get it.
General Manager Tom Chiusano came in late in the show with good news. Howard is still number one in the ratings for New York City with an 8.5 rating. Second place was news station WINS with a 6.4. Howard has been number one for over 5 years in a row.
Howard got back to the Type O Negative thing and Stuttering John told him he opened up for them one time and the whole band pumps up with weights before the show. Howard said that Joe Perry and Steven Tyler do that too. He spent a couple of minutes talking to John about that and playing some other songs before he had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read through a bunch of news stories and Howard ended the show around 10:20am (Master Tape Theatre time).
Howard told Robert that this was crazy after Robert told him how demeaning he is toward women. Howard didn't know what he was talking about. The guy said that he was being disgusting to women and he doesn't understand it. Howard wondered why he listens, he figured he was just a dope.
Howard said he doesn't get why he'd listen to a show that he thinks hates women if he's so upset with it. Howard tried to find out what he teaches. He wasn't listening so Howard said that's why school sucks these days. Howard said that he gets suspicious when he hears that a man is teaching sixth grade.
Robert said that his group there is like a fraternity. He said that they're very immature and also said that what they do is the same type of thing that leads to what happened in Colorado.
Howard asked the guy why he listens. Robert said he was trying to figure out what the children he teaches are relating to. Howard asked what time school starts because he didn't think that any kids are listening to this show. The guy said that they start at 9 o'clock. Howard said that's bull and no school starts at 9 o'clock. Howard said that this show is too boring for 6th graders.
Howard said that this guy is a suck ass teacher and incompetent. The guy continued to go off on Howard saying that he doesn't see what's wrong with his show. Howard said that this guy is a jerk and just like a lot of people who want to blame his show for the things that are wrong in this world even though they've got many other problems.
Howard kept asking the guy why he listens but his answer was different every time. Howard found out the guy is gay so he called him an angry old queen and said that he's very angry about that and that's the kind of anger he probably shows to his classes.
Robert asked Howard if he would be upset if his daughter had that ''What a piece of ass'' clip every time she walked in a room. Howard said he wouldn't have a problem with it. He told the guy he had to get going but ended up staying on the phone and let some other people talk to him. One guy said that they should turn in this pedophile. Robert said he's not one and he's taught for 20 years and he doesn't do anything with his students. Howard said that there's no way he's a good teacher.
Howard asked Robert if he'd be willing to take a lie detector test to find out if he's ever been attracted to his kids. He said he would do that because he's never been attracted to them.
Howard said that this guy should be open to all kinds of sexuality because he's probably gone to glory holes and stuff like that. He took another call from a teacher who said he was ashamed to be in the same profession as this guy. He wondered why he's not trying to better himself instead of worrying about Howard. Robert said that he's teaching this summer, he's not just listening to Howard.
Howard said that Robert is sitting around worrying about his show when there are many other things out there that are causing problems. Robert said he's not the only problem, he's just one problem that he can get a hold of. He said that Howard hates women and that's why he treats them the way he does. Howard said that he actually loves women but this guy Robert hates them so much he won't even date them because he's gay.
Howard said he figured that this guy doesn't do anything with the kids at his school at all, other than tutoring young boys. He asked him if he does that. Robert said that he doesn't do that. He doesn't charge anyone, he just helps.
Howard had to hit the delay on Robert because he used the F-word talking to the other guy on the line. Howard said that he's a disgrace to the teaching profession and his school would get rid of him if they knew what he was doing and if he wasn't tenured there.
Howard said that if this guy put in as much time and effort into helping his kids instead of worrying about him, he'd probably be able to fix the world. Howard wanted to talk to his lover after Robert mentioned him. That didn't happen though.
Robert asked how Howard was able to get through high school with his lack of math knowledge. Howard said that he's doing just fine for someone who can't do math. He also said that this old, lonely queen is so lonely that he wants him in his life so badly that he calls the show to complain about him. He said that the guy is a maniac.
Howard said that Robert is more in love with him than he is with his own lover. Robert said that he's trying to figure out why his students are so fascinated with Howard's show and that's the only reason he's listening.
Howard said he had to get going so he could do some commercials but Robert kept going with his problems. The other teacher was also going off on Robert saying that he doesn't agree with Robert's comments about Howard. He said that Howard makes him laugh at himself and society and that's why he likes him so much.
Howard asked some math questions to Robert like ''How many K-Y jelly containers are in a gross?'' and ''How many times a week do you go into your lover?'' Robert wasn't answering.
Howard said that this guy Robert is not a good teacher and he's pretty sure that if he looked up his record, the school would want to get rid of him. Howard took a couple of calls from fans who were pissed off at this guy. One guy said that Robert sounds like his kid's teacher and if it is, he's going to beat the crap out of him.
Howard asked Robert if he dresses up in women's clothes. Robert said he doesn't do that so Howard figured he was lying there too. He took another call a short time later and a guy claimed he was a student and Robert tried to put his finger in him. Howard said that was far enough and he couldn't get more detailed. The guy said he'd strangle the guy if he was standing next to him again. He can't believe that he's still in the system and people are so blind to what he does.
Robert asked where this army of people comes from and how he has so many followers. Howard said that what he does is not a problem. Robert was blaming Howard for people who stutter not being able to get over their stutters and move on with their life. Howard said that he employs stutterers so he's not sure what the problem is. He's accepting of them and doesn't turn them away. Howard wrapped up with Robert and went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard read some other news about Jesse Ventura as well. He found a story about him getting back into the wrestling field after being elected governor of Minnesota. Some people in Minnesota are upset with him going back to wrestling after becoming governor and saying he wasn't in it for the money.
Howard said he was reading about this Oprah book club she has on her TV show. Howard said that he sees these women who watch her show are going out and buying the books. He said that all of the fat chicks watching her show are sitting around and writing in their personal journals. He said that misery loves company... and Oprah.
Howard said that Oprah has congratulated herself on this book club thing a lot. The other day he read that the women in the club are upset that the selection of books is getting to be very dark and depressing. Howard said that if they're that upset they should go out and buy their own books. No one is saying that they have to read these books in the club. He said they have to be nuts.
Howard said he was watching VH-1 and said that they're doing a great job with their programming. He said they have some good specials about old rock stars and stuff. He said they did a special on the old Studio 54 which was a dance club in the city. To get in was really hard and the people had to be really special and/or famous to get in. He said that the doorman who used to regulate who got in was talking about what he did. He said he apologized for not letting some people in. He said the guy offered an apology but he's thinking that he didn't have to do that, it was just a club. The guy was thinking it was more important to people than it actually was.
Howard said he got into the club because he was a program director at the time. He said he went in and saw nothing and didn't have anyone come up to him asking to have sex or anything like that. He wouldn't even dance because he knows he would be the one who was looked at as the ''spaz'' of the club. He thinks that maybe he was in Studio 55 or something.
Howard said he probably should have been on the line with the rejects anyway. He didn't have the right clothes and he was probably wearing painter's pants or something.
Howard talked about this lawyer they have calling in today to talk about being in porn. They also have Houston and Brad coming in to talk about their date. Comedian Chris Rock will also be in. Howard played some of his stand-up comedy from his HBO special.
Howard said he could listen to Joey and Marky going off on each other for hours. He was doing an impression of him as well. He said he's also noticed that Joey has a second set of teeth on the bottom of his jaw and he's always wanted to ask him about it. He never has though. Robin said he has to be mistaken about that.
Howard and Fred had some fun goofing on Joey for a few minutes before Gary came back in and said he had him on the phone. Joey had just woken up so he was kind of out of it. Howard got Joey on the line a few seconds later and he sounded just like Fred doing the impression.
Joey said that he really doesn't want to come on the show with Marky. He said he put a lot of thought into it and he just can't do it. Howard said he has to put his foot down and say that he and Marky have to come on the show to do this promotion. Howard told him that he and Marky are great when they're on together. Joey said that maybe he'll decide to do it. He told him that maybe next Tuesday they'll come in. Howard said that it's up to him but he wants Marky in there too.
Joey said that he and Marky used to be friends at one time but they fought after he didn't want to go to South America one time. He said that's what did it. Gary had some quotes from Joey where he called Marky out on his alcoholism but Marky said he hadn't had a drink in 10 years. Joey then called him a ''dry drunk.''
Howard said that Marky will show up no matter what so they don't have to beg him to come in. Joey said that Marky is a loser and he'll come in. He's not doing anything else. Howard let Joey go after that.
Howard said he was hoping that the movie was no good. The caller said that the movie was overbooked as well. He was going on and on about that so Howard had to cut him off. He brought in Susan Selles a short time later.
This corporate lawyer from Florida, Susan Selles, came in to promote her porn movie ''Jurist Erotic'' this morning. When she came in she stunk of a perfume so bad that Howard ranted about it for at least 5 minutes. He said it was a horrible product and didn't know why she wore so much of it. It was so strong that it followed KC into the studio earlier when he came in after shaking her hand. Howard said that maybe it's just the way it mixes with her. She wasn't able to smell it so she didn't know it was that bad. Susan said she'd stop using it after today.
Susan explained to Howard how she went to law school and got to be a lawyer and eventually a porn actress. She's a corporate lawyer and when she went to work for Atlantic Worldwide they asked her to appear in a porn flick. She agreed and made the movie. She claims that she did some go-go dancing while going through college but she hadn't done porn before. She has had a lot of lesbian experiences since the age of 10 though.
Howard got her to tell her stories of lesbianism for everyone. She started at 10 with a schoolmate. She said she and the other girl kissed and touched each other but it ended there. By 15 she was having full blown lesbian sex and actually got caught by her mother while handcuffed in her bed! She told Howard she didn't sleep with a man until she was 21. She claims to be bi-sexual but when Howard heard she didn't sleep with a man until 21, he figured she's full blown lesbo. He wrapped up after a short time and then went to break.
Howard said they sent out a reporter from one of their affiliate stations in Minnesota to go to this Jesse Ventura press conference but when he went to play the clip, it only came out on one channel so he couldn't play it. Gary said that Scott the Engineer had recorded it and it only recorded on one channel. Howard went off on him a little bit and goofed on his bald head.
Howard asked Gary to get him this interview as soon as he could. Gary said that he was trying but they haven't sent it to him yet.
Porn star Houston came in with her 18 year old prom date Brad this morning. Howard hooked the two of them up a few weeks ago after Brad asked him to do it. They went to the prom and had a good time, so good that they've hooked up again and are going out on a date today. They're actually spending the whole day together.
Houston came in to the city to dance at Legs Diamond from today until Saturday. She and Brad have been in touch over the phone since their prom date and today Brad may get lucky with her. Houston said she's interested in Brad but not as a boyfriend.
Brad said that Houston calls him her ''Boy Toy'' and he calls her ''Muffin Ass.'' Houston told Howard that she needs to go to a tanning salon today since she's dancing tonight. Then they'll both go jogging in Central Park. Houston has to work from 6pm until 1:30am or so then she'll head back to the hotel and spend the night with Brad.
Brad brought an overnight bag but said he needs to get condoms. Houston also wants to get a new tattoo and Brad was thinking of doing that but his mommy won't let him do it. He's half Jewish so it's forbidden. His mother called in at one point just to make sure he doesn't go out and do it today. Houston assured her that she wouldn't let him do it. We also found out that Brad didn't graduate this year because he failed out of English class! He thinks that it had something to do with his prom date with Houston. He has to suffer through summer school this year. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard and Chris were also talking about Snoop Dogg's recent appearance. Chris said that was the best show he's heard. He said that appearance was better than any of Snoop's albums. Chris said that Howard's next movie should be based around that show.
Howard soon moved on to Chris' marriage. Howard has heard that Chris and his wife had separated and were divorcing. Chris said that he's still married and there's no problem at all. Howard figured he must be hiding something because he wasn't really saying much about it. Chris denied it all and said everything is fine.
Howard talked to Chris about working on Saturday Night Live. Chris said he knows that Howard would bad mouth him when he was on that show. He wouldn't even say his name, he'd just call him ''that black guy'' when he referred to him.
Howard figured that Chris made a mistake getting married but Chris said he wasn't going to say that, his wife was probably listening. Howard said she's probably sleeping and wouldn't hear it but Chris didn't go there.
Howard also spoke to Chris about his new album and HBO special which, according to Howard, is really funny. Howard has been playing clips of Chris' album on the show lately and it is pretty funny stuff. Chris also said that he'll be hosting the MTV Video Music Awards on September 9.
Howard mentioned that Larry King called him the other day asking him to come on to talk about Dr. Sarno, who helped him with his back pain. He's not sure if he wants to do that show though. Chris said he got a call from Larry too. That led to the guys talking about Bob Dole being on Larry's show talking about his problems getting it up.
Howard took a lot of phone calls for Chris during the interview and there were some goofy calls for him. One caller pointed out that the mayor of Chris' home town in Georgia refused to give Chris the key to the city because his act was too dirty. The caller then went on to say that he heard the mayor ''didn't want to give the key to a nig*er because he was afraid he'd steal everything.'' Chris sounded stunned by the call.
At one point a woman claiming to be Chris' wife called in. The funny thing was that Chris wasn't sure whether or not it was her! He didn't recognize the voice as being hers but he didn't say that it wasn't her. The woman yelled at Robin for some reason then started listening to her own radio and eventually hung up. Through the call Chris wondered if it really was her. Howard was surprised that Chris doesn't even know his wife's own voice.
Howard had some notes on Chris and picked up on one thing about how Chris likes doing Jay Leno's show better than Letterman. Howard agreed with this and said that Letterman makes him feel like he's doing something wrong during the appearance where Jay Leno tends to kiss your ass. Chris said he felt the exact same way. He said that Leno makes him feel like he's a star but Letterman doesn't.
Chris' phone rang during the interview so he picked up thinking it was his wife but no one was there. Howard and Chris also talked about Adam Sandler. Howard thinks that his movies are awful and he's not sure why they make money. He said that he was funny on Chris' comedy special one time though.
Howard took some more phone calls and let a bunch of guys ask Chris some questions. One guy asked who Chris' favorite hip-hop star was. Howard didn't let him answer, he hung up on the guy saying no one cared. Chris and Howard also talked a little bit about the HBO shows ''The Sopranos'' and ''Oz.'' they both like both of those shows.
Howard asked Chris about talking to Bill Cosby who called him once to talk to him about his stand-up act. He called him to yell at him about his act being too dirty. Ralph called in and complained about Chris a little bit so Howard hung up on him. Howard took a few more calls and let a couple more guys go off on Chris.
Chris and Howard talked about Rick Rubin and Ratso Slomin for a short time as well. They had some odd stories to tell about the two of them. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard asked Stephen why his brother Alec never calls in. Stephen is the one who makes the calls all the time and he's not the most famous of the brothers. Howard then told Stephen that it looks like Alec's gained a lot of weight lately. Stephen kept saying that he hasn't seen him lately and doesn't know about his weight. Since the golf tournament is a charity event for breast cancer Howard said that Alec should be careful because he has breasts now after gaining so much weight.
After goofing on Alec a little bit Howard told Stephen that he read that his brother Billy and his wife are expecting a baby. Stephen was surprised and wondered how Howard found out. He said that he thought they were keeping it a secret pretty well. Howard then said that he just made that up and Stephen spoiled the secret for his brother himself.
Howard then went on to goof on Alec some more. He told Stephen that Alec could play Fat Bastard in the next Austin Powers movie.
Howard took some calls for Stephen after that. Usually there are a bunch of guys calling in claiming that Stephen is gay but there wasn't any of that today. One guy said that he was at the event last year and did some caddying for Stephen but he didn't tip him. Stephen said that it was a charity event but he'd tip him this year.
Stephen said that he loved the movie ''Eyes Wide Shut'' and went on and on about how great it was. Howard thinks that he's just trying to network himself in Hollywood by saying that though.
Howard let Stephen go and said he forgot to tell him to tell Alec to get himself on a treadmill. He and Robin spent a little more time talking about Billy Baldwin's secret pregnancy and how Stephen wasn't supposed to reveal that on the show. Robin also talked about the movie that she saw Stephen in. They goofed on him a little bit about that before Howard had Robin start her news.
Robin read through a bunch of news stories and had the guys talking about Tom Cruise and his wacky behavior. They played a bunch of audio clips where Tom is laughing like a kook. They went through a few more stories and ended the show around 10:25am (Master Tape Theatre time).
Mike Walker calls in each week with 4 gossip stories. 3 of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column and one is false. Everyone tries to pick the false story. Here are this weeks:
After the game Howard spent some time with John Wayne finding out what he's been up to. He's had quite a few careers in the past few years so they went over that stuff. John has been a porn star, whorehouse host and preacher in the past 5 years. Now he's gone back to stand-up comedy. Robin threw in the question ''How's your penis?'' at one point. John said he's had some plastic surgery to fix it up lately and it's doing just fine. He's also written a book that he's going to call ''Getting Cocky with John Wayne Bobbit.'' He's looking for a publisher. Howard had him do some of his comedy material but, needless to say, it sucked. It's all jokes about his ex-wife Lorrena. He'll be doing his comedy up in Canada at Yuk Yuk's and Comedywood in the coming weeks. There were a couple of people waiting to come in to promote a movie in an odd way so he kept John there and had them come in. (See next story)