|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
In the first clip, from December 14, 1989, we heard Howard and Robin talking about Leona Helmsley. Howard told Gary to get Leona (Billy West) on the phone so they could talk to her. Howard went off on Gary for not being on top of things. Gary came in and told Robin and Howard to cut it out and leave him alone.
Howard told Gary he was stupid and explained to him why he was thinking that. He told Gary to get out of the studio with those big teeth of his. Gary refused to leave. They had a reporter from Rolling Stone magazine there in the studio so Howard was complaining to Gary that he was doing this in front of that guy. Howard told Gary to go ahead and ruin the whole show.
Howard said that Gary doesn't know why he's an idiot. He talked to the Rolling stone reporter about what was going on and Gary came back in and went off on him about what he was talking about. Howard cut his mic levels down to nothing. He goofed on Gary about his teeth a few times and wondered how the article was going to turn out after all of that. Howard said he was dead in this business after all of this.
Howard and Gary spoke calmly about what had gone on the day before. Howard said that they had a situation where they had to go somewhere together and they took two limos there. He said that he told Gary to get two so they could split up when they went their separate ways.
Gary said that it was supposed to be Howard and Robin in one. Howard cut him off and told him to let him tell the story. Gary said he thought Howard had to take the limo back to the city. He didn't know what he was planning. Howard told Gary that he has to start thinking for him. Howard said he needs him to think for him.
Robin said she didn't like this new studio they were in because she couldn't watch the way Fred does stuff anymore. Fred said that he can watch Robin now and called her a witch during that.
Howard asked Robin if Fred is still in that eating ritual thing that he used to be in. Robin said that she has seen him with his thermos of coffee and stuff.
Howard and Robin were both bringing stuff up that they like to watch with Fred and Fred started to get a bit upset with them for doing that. Fred was talking about the way he does things with his thermos. Howard said he has to block off his view of Fred because he gets distracted by that stuff. Robin said that she gets distracted by it too.
Howard said he once saw Fred doing the Jackie thing where he hits the sound effects and he really gets into it. He said he was distracted by it because Fred was so into it. He said the guy loves it over there. Robin said she won't be able to see Fred and Jackie. Howard said he'll have to change that so she can see both Fred and Jackie. Robin said the vantage point won't be the same either.
Fred ended up getting up and walking out of the studio while they were talking about all of his little rituals and things. Robin talked about the bags of nuts and fruits that he used to have and how he'd lay them out on the counter to eat them. Fred came back since he didn't actually leave the show.
Fred was defending himself and started to go off on some of the stuff that Robin does. Robin said she was just telling the truth about what Fred does and she wasn't making anything up or playing dirty like he thought she was.
Howard wanted to put in a camera so Robin could watch Fred on that instead. Fred said he will block the camera because he knows it will distract him from doing his work. Howard said that he had no idea Fred stopped eating during the show.
Robin was saying she watches Fred because she loves him. That's all it is. Fred said that it's like that 10 year old kind of love where girls kick boys. It's weird love to him. Robin said that she never lies about Fred or anything like that. Fred said that she paints it to be a humiliating experience. That's what he's pointing out to her. Fred said he likes Robin but she is a pain in the ass.
Howard tried to talk to Fred about what was going on but Fred was still going off on Robin. He said that she acts like she likes him sometimes and he's not sure that she does. Robin said that she does like Fred and she's not sure what she has to do to show him that.
Howard was suggesting to Fred that he slip his check under his door for his wife instead of going home to give it to her. Fred said that he might have to do direct deposit or something so he doesn't have to go home at all.
Howard and the guys were talking about a reporter who saw a list of their salaries in Tom Chiusano's office recently. Howard said that they can't trust Tom with their salaries like that. He's not sure why Tom has to know what they're all making when it's Farid who is in charge of that stuff.
Steve Grillo came in and said the callers are wondering when Fred last had sex. Howard said that might be the problem. Fred said that he doesn't want them to even try to bring that up. Howard said he hadn't had sex in about a week. Fred said he'd have it with him if he wants.
Gary said that he and his wife haven't been doing it for a couple of weeks. They got into a fight and he's not even sure what it was over. Howard said he doesn't get why a wife can do that to a guy and just keep sex from the guy. Fred said that they never say it, they just act differently and you know they're not up for it.
Gary told Howard about his wife withholding sex from him. Howard said he never fights with his wife. He said the reason he's miserable is because he's a miserable man. He said that even if he were single he'd still be miserable. Howard said he won't walk into his own home and feel uncomfortable. He said that they have to fix these things within 5 minutes instead of letting it linger like some people do.
Gary said he wonders about Fred and if he and his wife have conversations about the stuff they talk about on the air. Fred said they can't pretend it doesn't exist so of course they do. They spent a few more minutes on that before going to break.
Robin Bails Out On The News! 3/31/00. 10:00am
Robin bailed out on doing her news segment this morning. During a conversation about The Hamptons a couple of comments were made that didn't sit well with Robin and she told Howard that she wasn't going to do her news today. Robin said that she wouldn't want to spend time out in the Hamptons because she'd have to drag work out there with her so she'd be prepared on Monday morning. Jackie goofed on her doing his impression of her. Then Howard said ''Since you've worked so hard on the news, let's get to it.'' That's when she cracked and told everyone that she was done and wasn't going to do the news today. Howard wasn't making a joke when he said what he said but Robin took it that way. She refused to read any of her stories so Howard read all of the plugs. They spent like 20 minutes talking about that and a couple of other things while she could have been reading her damn news stories. One woman called in and told Robin that she sit's through all of Howard's other stuff just so she can hear the news. It didn't matter. Robin stuck to her decision and they ended the show by 10:25.
Comedian Jim Florentine Sits In During John And Artie's Betting Frenzy. 02/11/04. 9:20am
After the break Howard brought in comedian Jim Florentine who was going to sit in during the news. Howard said he hadn't seen Jim in a long time. Jim said he's been pretty busy doing all kinds of stuff. He told Howard how they fly him in first class to the Bellagio hotel to record the prank phone calls for Comedy Central's ''Crank Yankers'' show. He said it's great. Howard played one of Jim's Terrorizing Telemarketers calls where he burps over and over as he's talking to someone about a job. The woman tries to give him an address to send something to and he just keeps belching in her ear as she's trying to get the info out. She eventually hangs up on him after he belched one too many times. Howard wondered how Jim can burp so much over and over again. Jim said he just has to stand up and he can get them to come right out. He said he just needs a Diet Coke and a glass of water to help him out. He let one fly for Howard after he requested to see him do it.
KC told Howard that Jim will just walk through a place and let out belches like that. Jim said he'll let one out and walk the other way, leaving KC hanging. Then he'll say ''Say excuse me at least'' to KC as he's standing there.
KC also mentioned that Jim was struck out by a female pitcher recently so that led to Howard saying that Artie claims that he can hit a ball thrown by any chick. He claims that there's no way a chick can strike him out. Robin said they really need to get a pro player because Artie got off light when he played basketball against a female player when they were in Las Vegas.
Artie said that a female pro softball player could strike him out. He's saying that he can hit an overhand, regular baseball pitcher's ball no matter what woman is throwing it. Howard said they need a pro catcher and pitcher as well. Robin said the basketball player that Artie played against didn't have a killer instinct. Artie beat her up but ended up losing to her.
Jim asked Artie if he would give up drinking for a month if the chick strikes him out. Howard thought that was a good bet but Artie immediately said ''No.'' He wanted to put up $1000 instead. Howard said that money doesn't mean anything to him. Then they wanted him to give up both drinking and gambling for a month if he loses. Artie didn't seem interested in doing that though.
Stuttering John came in and said he wanted to bet Artie $5,000 that he would be struck out three times in a row by any female college baseball player. Artie said that he thinks he could hi a pitch thrown by some pro baseball pitchers. Stuttering John seems to think Artie is out of his mind thinking he can do this.
Howard wanted to straighten things out as far as their Las Vegas trip goes but John and Artie were yelling at each other and arguing about the whole thing. A listener called in a short time later and told Howard about this chick Jenny Finch who is a softball pitcher who can also throw overhand. Jim told Howard that's the chick who struck him out. He said she's really hot and looks kind of like Beth.
Artie and Stuttering John continued to argue and Artie was doing his impression of Elegant Eliot Offen as he was yelling at John. John kept telling Gary that they have to get the best female pitcher they can find. Howard told John to find the pitcher he wants to pitch against Artie. John said that the basketball player that played against Artie was horrible so they need someone that's really good to pitch.
Howard said he saw the chick pitch against Jim Florentine and she was good. Jim said that the ball came in so quick he didn't even see it. He also said that Alex Rodriguez saw one of her pitches and said he wasn't even going to try to hit.
Stuttering John doesn't seem to think that Artie is in the same shape he was in 10 years ago so there's no way he'll be able to play like he thinks he can. Howard just wanted to find out what the bet was going to be and if Artie was going to give up drinking and gambling for this bet. He wasn't ready to pick who he thought would win this thing. He said he needs to see the woman who is going to pitch first. Howard told the guys that they're going to find a really good female pitcher who can throw from 60 feet away. Jim told them that there are women who have played in the minor leagues who should be able to throw from that distance.
A listener called in and told Howard about a pitcher that he saw years ago who should be able to pitch against Artie. The guys continued to argue about that stuff for a couple of minutes before Howard had to wrap up and go to commercial. He gave Jim Florentine a couple of plugs for his upcoming appearances at Governors on Long Island on February 27th and 28th. He was about to go to break but Artie and John kept arguing with each other.
Kumal from the Jerky Boys called in and said that he's seen Artie play ball and when he runs to first base he looks like someone from the special olympics. He said that he doesn't run or do much else very good but he can hit the ball. He said he's really good at hitting the ball. Kumal said that he can throw the ball at about 90 MPH and Artie can hit them. Artie said the guy throws fast but they're wild pitches. Stuttering John ended up goofing on Kumal about his hair plugs a little bit. Kumal goofed on John's hair as well and said that his hair looks like an arm pit. Howard cut them all off and went to commercial shortly after that.
Various Stuff. 4/18/02. 6:05am
Artie Lange was missing first thing this morning. Howard and Robin said he was kind of bummed out yesterday after his weight loss contest weigh in. Stuttering John said that Artie had a fail proof way of getting in on time to the show but it seems to have failed this morning. They later found out that Artie is home sick today. They got the call on tape so Howard said he'd play it later in the show. Howard says he's probably sick because of the diet he's on for the weight loss contest. Howard said he's got to talk to Artie about this problem.
Stuttering John has cut off all of his hair in preparation for his upcoming fight. Howard and Robin said that he actually looks pretty good without his greasy, long hair.
Artie called in to talk to Howard about being sick. He barely had a voice to talk though. Howard told him he can't go out eating and drinking every night and then go work out like a maniac when he hasn't done that in a while. Artie told Howard that his trainer worked him pretty hard yesterday. Howard told him he's out of the weight loss challenge because of this. Howard said Artie gained 2 pounds in the contest so he's got to give up on this because it's now effecting his work.
Artie told Howard that he left a message for Gary on his beeper but Gary says he never got the message. Howard said he has had a lot of problems getting hold of Gary with that beeper in the past also. Gary said he's heard other complaints from people about not being able to get in touch with him. Howard told him to tell the people at the company that it doesn't work and get a new one. Howard said he also has trouble beeping Ronnie the Limo Driver and he doesn't answer his pages. Ronnie came in and argued with Howard about whether or not he turns his beeper off on the weekends. It eventually came out that he might leave the beeper home when he goes out driving on the weekends.
Ronnie ended up leaving and then coming back into the studio. He and Howard argued with each other about whether or not Howard calls Ronnie. Howard usually has his assistant Laura make the call when he needs a limo.
Stuttering John was goofing on Ronnie the Limo Driver the whole time this was going on. John said that he went to the NASCAR races with Ronnie and he claims he wears his Dale Earnhart outfit. Ronnie said he wore a Dale Earnhart sweatshirt and that was it. Ronnie warned John not to go there with the goofing but he did it anyway. John talked about how the sweatshirt had sponsor logos all over it which got Robin laughing at Ronnie. John and Ronnie went back and forth goofing on each other for a couple of minutes. John laughed it all off but Ronnie got really angry. Howard said that's the problem with Ronnie, he gets really defensive and angry if anyone says anything to him. Howard said he complained about the phone in his limo not working but he was afraid to tell Ronnie about it. He told Mike the limo driver about it and he had to tell Ronnie. Howard said Mike cringes when he has to tell Ronnie about problems like that though because he knows how Ronnie is going to react.
Ronnie ended up threatening to give up his limo business because Howard wasn't happy with him. Howard doesn't want Ronnie to give up his business. He tried to give Ronnie some advice on how to handle people instead of yelling at them. Ronnie was still a bit defensive during this conversation but he did let Howard give him the advice. Howard said Ronnie's the angriest guy in the world.
Jackie And Stuttering John Not Talking? 11/8/00. 9:15am
After the trip giveaway Howard asked Robin ''What two people who work on the show haven't spoken to each other in 2 weeks?'' She eventually guessed it was Jackie and Stuttering John. But then Jackie said that he just went to lunch with John last Friday so that wasn't quite true. Howard asked Gary why he'd tell him that news if it wasn't true. He said that he just found out himself and that 2 days ago John told him that he hadn't spoken to Jackie in 2 weeks. So it wasn't as big of a gossip story as he thought but Howard spent a few minutes talking to the two of them about it. It turns out Jackie was a little annoyed with John after their conversation about Jackie wanting to turn one of his homes into a museum. He told Howard he had a nice rest from John for a short time and now they're back together. Howard was still trying to get some information about the museum but Jackie still refuses to give details about it. He said it's now a dead issue and he has no desire to tell anyone what the idea was. He said it was funnier to let Howard speculate on what he was actually going to do. Howard thought that Jackie was going to make it a Bayville Long Island museum and that way it would never be sold. Jackie grew up in the house and he said he wants to keep it. The museum idea was just one thing he was considering. He said it's now available to rent and he's looking for someone to rent it.
Stuttering John also refuses to talk about the issue anymore. Howard tried to get him to give him some of the details that he'd discussed with Jackie but he doesn't want to risk losing Jackie as a friend. He did, however, say that they discussed turning it into a car wash while smoking a ''good doobie'' together. Howard questioned that wacky idea but Jackie said they just thought they could have their wives in bikinis washing cars at the house. It was just one of those pot-induced wacky ideas that came to both of them at the same time. Howard eventually gave up on trying to find out more. He went to a break and moved on.
After the break he came back and brought up a web site where people vote on what characters they'd like killed off of their favorite shows. For instance, he said he'd like to kill off the character Phoebe from ''Friends'' but the votes on the site were mostly for David Schwimmer's character Ross. He said the votes for ''Sex and the City'' were mostly for Sarah Jessica Parker's character. He talked about a couple of others but by then the site was all jammed up with Stern fans who wanted to join in on the fun. He never even gave out the site name and it was all clogged within 3 minutes. I believe the site may have been WhoWouldYouKill.com
Day Three. 9/13/01. 6:01am-7am
KC showed up this morning. The other day he ran out of the building and out to Long Island to get away from the city. When he came in the studio Howard told him that he needs to put on a dress this morning because he's such a little girl for running away. Robin was really harsh on him and the two of them went at each others throats for a couple of seconds. KC sounded very angry and told Robin to ''SHUT UP!'' a few times.
Howard said he thought about leaving the city last night after he got scared again. This time it was the smell of burning plastic that freaked him out and made him think that his own building was on fire. It was just the smoke from the other smoldering buildings making its way up toward his building. He never did get out of the city last night though.
KC continued to defend himself for leaving the city as everyone called him names. Everyone else on the show stayed around and did the show the next day while KC was hanging out on Long Island. Even Tom Chiusano came in and told KC that it would have been the ''professional thing'' to do because their job is to get information out to people. It turns out KC was getting a tan on his way into the city last night. That set people off even more and it was constant yelling and joking about KC. Howard told him he might be cowardly but he looks good.
KC made a good point when he said that Howard was thinking about not coming in on Wednesday. That didn't stop the goofing though. Robin was the worst though. Her high-pitched, screeching voice was like a police siren as she yelled ''Pansy, Pansy'' and other little digs. She was relentless. Even I wanted her to shut up. KC said he wanted to choke her for all of the goofing. Robin said she's not afraid of him though. She said she could just say ''boom'' and he'd run away like the little girl he is. The conversation continued for a good 40 minutes. Gary eventually came in with a dress and shoes for KC to wear. KC took the dress and ripped it. He doesn't have a sense of humor according to Robin.
Howard took a break and had Gary the Retard on the phone to explain to him what was going on in New York City. Gary the retard said he heard 150 people were missing but Howard had to explain to him that it was more like 10,000. Robin had to ask Gary if he would have stayed in the city or run home like KC did. Gary said he would have stayed and helped Howard out.
After that call Howard got back to discussing some of the things that happened in the news yesterday. He continued to talk about what he thinks should be done about the situation as he did during yesterday's show.
At the start of the show Howard talked about Wally George calling in later in the show. Howard pointed out the guy hates him but he still wants to come on to promote something.
Howard played an example of a previous fight he had the last time Wally called the show. Howard was ordering him to do some stuff but Wally said he can't order him around. Wally told Howard him that he's going to petition the FCC to get him thrown off the air. Howard goofed on his wig and said he hopes that someone rips that thing off his head.
Howard said Wally called Gary and said that the fight wasn't fair because he was talking about his daughter. Howard said that he'll have to talk to him when he calls in later.
After a fast forward we heard Howard pick up the phone so he could talk to Wally. Wally was talking about his crusade to get his filthy program off the air. Wally said he's sick of hearing Howard dirtying up the airwaves for far too long. Wally said that he's going to be starting his own web page so he can get more people to work with him on getting him off the air.
Wally told Howard that he has an 8 year old daughter. Howard asked him how old he was. Wally said that wasn't any of his business. Howard asked Wally about his daughter Rebecca De Mornay and if he's seen his grand kid. Wally said the kid was just born. He hadn't seen it yet.
Howard asked Wally how many marriages he's had. Wally said it was 4 times. Howard asked why his wife ends up leaving him. Wally blamed it on his career.
Robin asked Wally if he's having trouble talking over his dentures. Wally told Robin that she's just an ass kisser and she has no business talking to him that way.
Howard asked Wally about his cancer and what's going on with that. Wally said he had some skin cancer that he had removed. He also had prostate cancer that he had removed a while back. Wally said he had fallen down the stairs at the station and he developed blood clots on his brain and he has to have surgery for that. Howard asked if Rebecca pushed him down the stairs. Wally told Howard he's disgusting.
Howard tried asking Wally some questions about his daughter but Wally told him that it was none of his business. He wouldn't answer him. Howard asked about some stuff he read in the National Enquirer. Wally said that he and his daughter are very close and they talk on the phone all the time.
Howard told Wally that he would give him $5,000 if he picked up the phone and called his daughter. Wally said he wouldn't call her to make her talk to a pervert on the phone.
Howard goofed on Wally about his awful TV show and said that no one watches it. Wally said that Howard isn't successful either. Howard said that he's more successful than Wally ever was. Howard told Wally that he doesn't look very healthy. Wally said he's not sure why he ever talked to him on the phone.
Wally said that people are going to want to get Howard off the air. Howard said Wally has no idea what it's like to have millions of people listening to him. Wally said he does know that feeling. Howard told him that he's going to die alone and his daughter will not visit him at his grave. Howard said that he's going to be the only one to show up at his funeral so he can laugh at him.
Howard said he's going to stand on his grave and laugh at him. He said he's going to dig him up and laugh at him a little more. Even Wally laughed after Howard joked about his wig a couple more times.
Wally predicted that one year from that day that Howard would be removed from the airwaves. Wally said that's his prediction and he will dance around when that happens. He hung up a short time later.
Howard said that Wally may have fallen on the floor with a new case of cancer. He said that Wally is a mess and a mental case. He went to break after that.
Howard had Mark Harris in the studio and said that Gary had given him the name ''Mar Karris'' instead of Mark Harris. Howard said that Mark is going to be on Donahue tomorrow with some kind of big announcement. Mark said he can't say what that is though. Howard guessed that it was that Martha Raye is pregnant. Howard wanted to know if they're having sex. Mark said that he and Martha are having a great relationship.
Mark spent a few minutes talking about his marriage to Martha Raye. Howard suggested they call her but Mark didn't want to do that.
Mark also talked about Martha's daughter and why he thinks she hates him so much. Mark said that Martha only left that daughter a dollar in her past wills so he's not sure why she's so upset about him marrying her. Mark said that he may get $2.4 million when she dies but he's not even sure if that amount includes the house or not.
Howard said he thinks that it must be more like 4 or 5 million. Mark said it won't change him no matter what it is.
Howard asked how old Betty White is. Robin said she must be up there. Howard said that he might have to start dating her. Howard said that he'd auction all of her stuff off while she's still alive.
Howard talked to Mark about putting Martha into a negligee and how he works that out. Mark said that she's able to dress herself.
Gary gave Howard a note saying that Dice was on the phone to talk to Mark. Howard picked up on him and Dice said that he's sick of parasite faggots like this guy. Dice said that he can't believe that this guy is in love with a woman. Mark said that he's not telling Dice anything. Dice said that if he's not a faggot, he's on the waiting list.
Mark didn't like that Dice was saying that Martha should have been dead 30 years ago. Dice said that he wasn't wishing Martha dead, he was just pointing out her age. Dice went off on Mark about the way he's talking about Martha and yelled at the guy for a couple of minutes.
Mark was defending himself but Dice was calling him names and making fun of him about all of this stuff. Howard asked Dice if he even had his breakfast yet. Dice said he didn't because he woke up for a few laughs and ended up hearing this guy instead.
Howard said that Mark is in love with Martha and he's not sure why Dice doesn't believe that. Dice said that Mark couldn't have been from Brooklyn like he claimed earlier. He said that he must have been there for a week and got chased out.
Dice said that all of these people are just trying to scam. Dice said he knows that young chicks might be into him like that later on but he knows that it might happen. Dice called Mark a parasite a couple more times during that discussion.
Dice asked how old Martha is. Mark said that she's 75. Dice said he hopes that she lives another 175 years because that's what Mark deserves. Dice said that 150 would be a nice round number. Dice called him a parasite and a leech and said he doesn't have time to stay on the line with this guy. Dice said he had to say something because he does talk the truth. Dice hung up a short time later.
Howard told Mark that this is the kind of thing he's going to have to deal with on Donahue's show when he goes on. Mark said that this man, Dice, can't understand compassion at all. Howard told Mark that he learned that Dice doesn't like him. He said they also learned that he's not gay. Mark said that he doesn't believe in one way streets. Howard asked if he's bi. Mark said that he's going bye, bye soon. He didn't confirm if he was gay or not. Howard let Mark go a short time later.
Donald Trump Calls In. 5/10/01. 10:20am
Donald Trump called in very late in the show today to promote the Miss Universe competition that's happening Friday night. AJ Benza, who was sitting in this morning, doesn't like Trump so Howard got the two of them started immediately. Trump told Howard that he doesn't hate AJ but he knows why AJ doesn't like him. Trump stole his girlfriend from him and that's why he hates him so much. AJ was dating some chick by the name of Kara Young. The two of them split up when AJ moved to L.A. from New York. Kara then met Trump and started dating him. AJ is saying that Trump stole her away the second time he started dating her. Trump said he didn't knowingly do that to him. He said he never knew that she was dating AJ at the same time. AJ says he's lying about that and he should have given up on Kara when he knew that AJ wanted her. Trump says that AJ wrote some lies in his book about the whole thing. The two of them went at each other for a good half hour or so. Trump was being nice for a few minutes but he eventually started calling AJ a loser. AJ made jokes about Trump's hair and stuff like that. At one point he threatened to kill Trump but then took it back and said he was going to beat him up pretty bad. He also threatened Trump that he was going to date his daughter Ivanka when she gets a little older. Trump told him he doesn't have a chance of that happening.
Gary eventually got this Kara Young on the phone to try and straighten things out. She basically backed up what Trump was saying but not exactly. She said that she did meet Trump when she was still dating AJ. AJ said that was a technicality and Trump was dating her when she was still going with him. It was all a bunch of crap but the fighting was funny as hell. Earlier AJ had said that Trump was still calling Kara incessantly trying to get her back. Kara said she didn't want to comment on that because Donald is dating someone now. By the end of the segment, around 11 o'clock, AJ was apologizing to Trump for yelling at him.
All Trump was calling in for was to promote the Miss Universe Pageant that airs Friday night at 9pm on CBS. Howard got around to plugging that at the end of his call. Howard then spent a couple of minutes talking to him about Miss France who was rumored to have been a man at one point in her life. Trump said it turns out she was never a man and if she had been, she would have been disqualified. This will probably be replayed on tomorrow's show because Howard thought it was great radio. He told Donald that he was going to promote the Miss Universe Pageant like crazy on the show tomorrow.
Today's Fight Week Special was over around 10:35am.
The clip started off with Howard talking about the bonus show they were going to have. They had Fred's wife coming in to act out a scene from ''Tony and Tina's Wedding.'' Howard explained how she went out to become an actress but didn't get many jobs. She got into the ''Tony and Tina's Wedding'' play and now she makes out with another guy every night she's in that play.
Howard said he had Fred's wife on the phone and talked to her about the scene and she told him that it wasn't that big of a deal. Howard said they invited her down with the guy from the play so they can act it out on the show today. Fred said he was going to leave the room. He said he didn't want to see that going on in there.
Howard had Alison come in and said she was looking very pretty. Howard said the guy is a good looking guy too. Robin said he is cute and she has to make out with him every night.
Fred had the guy stand up. Robin said ''so what'' when she saw how tall he was. Fred was trying to point out how short he was.
Howard said that this is just a starter job for Alison. He said that this play that they're in can't be a real acting gig. He said that Stuttering John is in the play and he can't act so it's not a real gig. Alison said that the play has been running for 8 years so it is a real gig.
Fred said that Alison started wearing some cute clothes to work and he didn't really care what she was wearing to work.
Howard asked Alison if she gets turned on by this guy. She claimed she didn't but Howard wasn't buying it. He said that she has to be feeling something for him.
Howard asked Alison what she thought the first time she had to make out with him. She said that it doesn't matter, it's just an acting job.
Howard asked Alison and Patrick to show him the scene. Alison said she didn't want to do that because she's an actress. Howard said they had the TV show and they were on radio too so it was just like an acting gig. Howard said that they can do the scene for them.
Howard asked Patrick if he's ever tongued Alison. He said he didn't. Alison backed him up on that. Howard asked if her ass feels nice. He said that it is nice. Patrick also said that he finds her attractive.
Howard asked Fred how he was feeling. Fred wasn't too happy. Howard said that this isn't acting. Alison said that the scene is necessary and it's a little bit of improv but the kissing scene is part of the play. Howard told them to do the scene. Alison refused. Howard said that it's not acting, that's why she's refusing to do it.
Howard asked to hear some of Alison's lines. She gave him one and Howard figured that was all of her lines. She said that it was basically it but they have to improv some.
Howard asked Fred if he was upset about this whole thing. Fred said that he is and it would be different if it was a ''real'' play or movie. Alison said that she is still learning acting techniques and stuff and that's why she's still doing this play. Fred said that he hasn't even kissed that much since she started doing this play. Fred said they even stopped having sex as much as they used to.
Howard said that they must have stopped because Patrick is such a good looking guy. Fred said he didn't think he was any better looking than he is. Howard said that Fred isn't that good looking. Fred disagreed with him on that. Fred said he thinks that he's cuter than Patrick is.
Fred was goofing on Patrick and doing an impression of him. Then Patrick said that he gets to make out with his wife which pissed Fred off even more. Alison asked if this is what Howard wanted. Howard said that's exactly what he wanted.
Howard said that this is Alison's fault, not Patrick's. Howard told Fred that he's a whack job. Alison asked if she's embarrassing Fred by doing this. Fred said ''of course!'' Howard said he's just trying to do this to help Fred out but Fred didn't think that was the case either.
Howard said that Alison should leave the show and just go home and have Fred's baby. Alison said she's not going to leave the play. Howard said she doesn't think that Fred is really upset about this play.
Fred said he does tell Alison that she's more talented than what this show is and he thinks she should be doing something else. Howard told Alison that she's not an actress. She insists that she is.
Howard said that no one wants to be a Long Island housewife even when that's what they are. Howard said that's what Alison is.
Howard said that Alison and Jackie's wife Nancy and other wives out on Long Island want to go out and do this kind of thing but it's all nonsense. Alison said she's trying to make her own money and asked Howard if that's so wrong. Howard said that if Fred wasn't on the radio Alison never would have gotten that job and she'd be back to being a waitress.
Howard wanted to see the scene but neither of them were willing to do it. Howard said he wanted to do the scene with Alison instead. He wanted her to teach him how to do it. Alison didn't want to do that either. Robin said Alison has become one of those women who comes in there to get topless and then says they can't do it.
Howard asked for some details about the scene that Alison and Patrick do to figure out what they can do. Patrick told Howard about that and then said that he and Alison fit together very well in the scene. He was saying that his crotch is about at the right spot when they're next to each other.
Howard tried to get the scene going by playing Patrick's part but Alison wasn't doing it. Robin asked Alison if she would do a love scene in a movie if she got the part. She said she might.
Stuttering John came in and said that they should ask Patrick about him getting aroused during the scene. Howard asked him if he does. Patrick said that it should be as real as possible so of course he does. Howard asked Alison if she gets worked up too. Alison said she doesn't but Howard thought she was lying. Howard figured they'd be divorced in 2 years.
Howard said that Fred is his friend and he knows his personality and that he doesn't know how to communicate. Howard said that he just knows how he is and that's why he's trying to speak for him.
Fred said he's not being fair and he would like to be able to tell his wife how he feels. He said that it is her choice to do what she's doing though. Fred said that if he thought that she was getting off with this guy then he'd do something about it. Fred said that he's not threatened by this guy at all no matter what they think about him.
Fred said that this guy has no passion in him at all. Robin said that they were talking about the guy getting turned on, not about his passion. Howard asked Fred if he would get aroused if he had a scene with Amy Lynn. Fred said he probably wouldn't. Howard asked if he gets aroused at Scores. Fred gave him a ''no comment.''
Howard asked Alison and Patrick to do their scene but they still weren't going to do it. Howard told them to just do it because that's what an actress and actor would do. She eventually agreed to do it so Howard told Fred to leave the room while they did it.
Howard asked Alison to go ahead with her scene. He had Patrick and Alison do the scene. They went into it and Patrick was playing the part of a guy trying to pick up this woman who is now a nun. They even did their kissing scene but Patrick said he wasn't able to do it. Robin said that Alison wasn't getting into it the way she should have. Howard said that it was cheating.
Howard said that it was one of the hottest sex scenes he's ever seen. Howard said he wasn't going to say anything else. Robin said that Alison was actually fighting him off at one point. Howard said he wanted to kiss her when he saw that.
Howard asked if he could do the scene with Alison. He went over and tried to do what Patrick had just done. He was trying to get into it and then told Jackie to give it a shot. Patrick told the guys to take a number.
Jackie said he wasn't going to even try. Stuttering John came in and Fred said that he can't touch his wife or he's a dead man. John told him he was nuts. He and Fred ended up threatening to take their fight outside. Alison told Fred to relax. Howard told John to get out of there.
Howard asked Billy West and Gary if they wanted to do the scene. Billy said he wasn't an actor. Gary said he wasn't an actor either.
John was wondering why Fred was all mad at him. He wasn't sure why he was freaking out about the scene. Howard told them they're nuts, he just had a great scene with Alison.
Howard asked Fred why he wasn't letting John do this. Fred said that no means no and he just doesn't want him to do it. Fred said that he was going to leave the show if John did that. Howard said that if he leaves the show they're both going to be out of work when they fire Alison. Fred said that's fine with him.
Howard said that Fred says that he won't rain on his wife's parade but now he's saying he won't let John do this scene. Fred said that's where he draws the line.
Howard said that Alison smelled good and his hand brushed up against her breast so that was a great scene for him. He asked Patrick if he likes those cans on Alison. Patrick said ''Oh yeah!'' Howard told him he's got a great job where he gets to rub up against those things every night.
Howard found out that Patrick's understudy is even better looking than Patrick. Howard said that he thought that Alison was really in love with Fred and now she's going out and doing this. Fred said that she wasn't working in the business when she first met Fred. Fred said that he's the one getting the business from her now.
Howard told Alison that this isn't a joke and she should think about this. He said that it is up to her but Fred isn't happy with the way things are going and he has trouble communicating that.
Howard thanked Alison and Patrick for coming in and wrapped up with them. Howard also asked Fred if it was okay for John to do the scene. Fred told him to go ahead and try. John was ready to fight him over it. John said that he'd fight Fred any day and he thinks that Fred has too much confidence. John threatened to bite that big nose off his face. Fred said that he didn't scare him. Howard said he did too because he didn't make out with his wife.
Howard said he had to drop all of this and end it. Alison asked if she could do just one thing. Howard told her that Fred doesn't want to kiss her now. He told her to hold off on that. They went to break after that.
In the clip we heard Howard talking about how he heard something disturbing about Jackie. He said he didn't believe it could be true though. Howard asked Jackie where he went on vacation. Jackie said he went to Miami. Howard said he heard he booked it at the last minute. He asked if he stayed at the Cordoza hotel down there. Jackie said he did but he did get a discount. He said that he got the discount after he mentioned them on the air.
Howard asked if he made some kind of deal to give a plug on the air. Jackie said he didn't pull any kind of scam. Howard said it seems like he's always pulling scams like that. Jackie said that he knew the General Manager down at the station in Miami so he called in a favor. Jackie said he didn't ask for the discount, he was told that he could get a 20 percent discount.
Howard played a clip from right after their vacation where Jackie got in a plug for the hotel. Howard said that it sounds like he's getting in a plug because of the discount. Howard said he would never call the General Manager of a radio station to find a room to stay. He said Jackie is the only one who would do that.
Howard told Jackie he's not allowed to use this radio network as his personal swap and shop. Jackie said he can't tell him what to do. Then a minute later he was agreeing with Howard that he shouldn't be doing that stuff.
Howard asked Jackie if he thinks that guy is doing him the favor because of who he is or because of Howard Stern. Jackie said that he might as well stifle his whole life then. Jackie said that maybe Howard could be less of an angry person if he had been more like him.
Howard told Jackie that he can make all the friends he wants but he can't be asking people he met through this show for favors like that. Howard said that the only way he knew this guy was through the show so he can't be taking advantage like that. Jackie said he didn't ask for a discount, the guy just said that's what they'd give him.
Howard had Fred replay the audio where Jackie mentioned the hotel he stayed at. Howard had asked him ''where in Florida'' he had stayed. That's when he mentioned the hotel name. Howard said he would never call anyone like that to find a place to stay. Howard said he would call a travel agency to find a place to stay.
Jackie said that he did use the show to get a favor but Howard isn't the only one who works on the show. Howard told him that's wrong to do but Jackie didn't understand why that was wrong. Howard and Robin said that the GM is going to ask Howard for the return of a favor some day. He won't ask Jackie for that favor. Howard said that's why he's so pissed.
Howard said that Jackie has to see what's wrong with this. Jackie still wasn't seeing it. Howard had Tom Chiusano come into the studio to talk about this instead. Tom said that if there was a discount given in exchange for a plug, that is inappropriate. Howard said that Jackie did throw in that plug on the show. Jackie said he really didn't do that in exchange for the discount though.
Howard told Jackie that he's terrorizing these guys with his favors. He said that it's an arrogance that he has and he doesn't see it himself. Jackie said he was just looking for a place to stay down there.
Howard asked why Jackie has to rely on his business associates. Jackie said he guesses he doesn't have any friends of his own. Howard told Jackie to call some of the comedy clubs down there instead of bothering the people he works with. Jackie said that Howard doesn't have any friends because he's such a bore.
Howard asked Jackie why he didn't call the club owners instead. Jackie didn't have an answer for him. Howard continued to go off on Jackie while Jackie remained silent for a couple of minutes.
Jackie told Howard to just fire him. Howard said that's the way Jackie defends himself and that's the way he does it all the time.
Howard apologized to the GM down in Miami for what Jackie did. Howard said he won't be doing that himself and wanted to let all of the GMs out there know that. Howard said that he's embarrassed that people are abusing their relationship like that. Howard said that Jackie did something very wrong and he's trying to teach him what he did wrong. Howard told Jackie to call his own people from now on instead of using his contacts.
Jackie said he stands corrected and he will try to keep himself in line from now on. Howard said that's all he wanted to hear. He said that Jackie should stop being so cheap and spend a few bucks instead of trying to save 20 percent on his hotel bill. Howard said that Jackie was 100 percent out of line with this.
Howard did an impression of Jackie asking to be fired and said that if they don't like the way they do things on the show, they can get out. Howard said that Jackie thinks he's threatening him but he doesn't think that's going to work.
Gary came in and said that Jackie's wife Nancy was on the line. Howard picked up on her even when he said this wasn't something to joke about. Nancy thought that Howard was out of line with this. Jackie told Nancy that Howard was about to wind this down and she was getting him worked up again. Nancy said that Jackie didn't call looking for a discount. She said that he was just trying to find a room down there. Howard said that the only person he could some up with was a business associate of his. Nancy said that Jackie does business with him as well.
Howard told Nancy that she has to explain this to Jackie for him. He was going to try and tell her what to do but she was all riled up and going off on Howard for being out of line. Howard said that he's going to try and explain this to her.
Howard said that there are people in this world who do business with you because of the radio show. Howard said the reason the guy picks up calls from people like Jackie is because of this show. Howard said that GM doesn't pick up the phone for just anyone. Howard said that those people are crapping in their pants when someone from his show calls them. They are anxious to please Howard Stern. Howard said he doesn't ask for those things because it's improper. Howard said that they're nice enough to do business with the show and they go out of their way when you ask them for something. They shouldn't have to do that.
Nancy said that Jackie works on the show. Howard said that there are a bunch of people working there. He said that it's improper to ask the guy for favors down there. Nancy asked if it was improper for that guy to call Jackie and ask him for a favor. Howard told her that's fine. He said that they can hang out with the guy all they want, they just can't ask for discounts. Nancy said that Jackie told the guy he wasn't looking for anything free or any discounts. Howard said he did accept a discount though.
Howard said he had to get going. Nancy told Howard that he's out of his mind. Howard said that Jackie doesn't know how to handle Nancy at all. Howard said he does and he just shut her up. Fred and Jackie didn't agree with that. Jackie told Howard that it will never happen again. Then he threw in a plug for the hotel again. He was just joking around though.
Howard said that he'd love to nail that Nancy shut. He said he bets that she did it good with Jackie down there in Miami at the Cordoza hotel.
Howard said that he and Robin are too stupid to take advantage of those people out there. He told Jackie to try using his head sometimes.
Howard told Jackie that his wife is just as clueless as Jackie is. He said that when they get free stuff they lose their minds. Robin wanted Howard to tell Jackie where he got the information. Howard said he didn't want to do that.
After an edited out break we heard Howard talking about how Jackie was all fired up and asking to be fired. He and Fred were doing impressions of Jackie and pretending to ask for favors from other station General Managers. Howard told Jackie he thinks it's funny when he says he works hard on the show. He said he wants that clip pulled so they can play it on the show more.
Howard said that Jackie has monopolized the show today. He said he loves when Jackie's wife explains business to him. He and Robin goofed on Nancy about that for a short time. Howard told Jackie that he and his wife should be doing business video tapes to explain to people how to run a business. Robin was quoting some of the stuff Nancy was saying and goofing on her a bit.
Jackie said he was sorry for what he did. That led to Fred playing the clip of Jackie doing his apology to his wife for the Jessica Hahn incident.
More On Stuttering John's Party. 6/27/00. 9:10am
Howard spent a little more time talking about going to Stuttering John's party over the weekend. Robin asked him why he'd left the party so early. Howard said he was feeling sick and wanted to go home and rest so he didn't hang around. He asked Jackie who he thought looked the worst in a bathing suit out of all of the guys there. Jackie said that Ratso looked pretty bad but he wasn't in a bathing suit. Engineer Richie Herbie's name also came up as someone who didn't look too good in a bathing suit. Howard heard that Richie showed up by boat so he was wondering how much he's worth. Gary said he's heard that Richie has done pretty well in the stock market.
Howard also brought up how Gary had to chase his two kids around during the party. John didn't have to do that because his mother-in-law was watching his daughter. She even took her away from the house around 7pm so John and his wife didn't have to worry about watching her. Somehow this led to Robin saying that John isn't a good father. The two of them went at each other for a minute. John was calling Robin an unhappy old woman while she was talking about his poor fathering.
The subject changed to Stuttering John's ass problems because he was sitting on one cheek. John has had a lot of hemorrhoid problems and Howard keeps telling him that it's his diet. John doesn't believe that his diet would cause all of his ass problems though. He said that Fred gave him an article that says alcohol can cause a lot of hemorrhoid problems but John says his proctologist tells him that's not true. John loves to drink and isn't willing to give it up to cure his ass problems. Gary suggested that John give up alcohol for one month just to see if it helps. John said he doesn't have any reason to do that. He asked if they'd give him any money to do that and that won't happen. John said he enjoys drinking but he's not an alcoholic. He still refuses to stop drinking though. He says he can do it, he just doesn't want to.
Howard said that he got mad at Gary yesterday because he had made a mess of something. He said Gary asked him if he wanted to have this Sega channel in his house. He said they're coming out with this interactive channel where you can pick a game to play on your cable system. He said Gary asked him if he wanted to try it had he's pretty sure he said it was a sponsor of theirs. Then Gary came in and said that Howard is so off on this whole thing. He said he wouldn't say it was a sponsor.
Howard said he's sure that Gary told him it was a sponsor of theirs. Gary said he had no reason to do that though. Howard said Gary gave him a whole rap about that and he does that to him all day long. Gary said this is the scariest thing Howard has ever done. He never told him that it was a sponsor and he's lying about that. Howard asked him where his brain is. Gary said he can't accept a whole Sega channel from someone if they're not a sponsor. Gary said he didn't know that.
Howard was complaining about the stink in the studio coming from the garbage. He asked Gary to get that out of there because it was so bad. He continued to go off on Gary about what he did. He said he was going to give it a try for a couple of months so he asked Jeff Schick from IBM to come over and help him out. He got it all installed and they had to use a whole computer set up to get the thing working. Then he read that he had to sign a contract saying he was responsible for the equipment and he didn't like that. He had Laura call up Gary and ask him why he was signing that stuff. He didn't think it was right to have to take something like that if it wasn't a sponsor.
Howard said once he got the contract, he asked Gary what was up with that and tried to confirm if they were a sponsor. That's when he found out they weren't a sponsor. Gary said he never told him they were a sponsor and there's no reason for him to tell him something like that. Howard said he had to have told him that otherwise he wouldn't have taken it into his house.
Howard said he had Gary return a computer printer recently because they weren't a sponsor and he couldn't just take it. He said he doesn't even like taking stuff from sponsors. He insisted that Gary told him it was a sponsor but Gary swore on his mother's life that it never happened. Howard said the computer rig they sent over was huge and he doesn't know if it costs $200,000 or something like that. He just doesn't want to have that in his house.
At one point Gary told Howard that he was a dictator because of the way he was treating him. Howard told Gary ''No, you're a dick and I'm a 'tator!'' Gary left the studio mumbling something about Howard being a Nazi or something. Howard continued to say that Gary had told him that the Sega Channel was a sponsor. Robin said she remembers Gary sitting at a table with them and flipping through the notes he had and telling Howard that Sega was coming on and they wanted to hook him up with the gaming system. Howard said he figured he could have something to talk about if they were a sponsor so that's why he had it installed.
Howard said now he has to deal with Tom Chiusano about the whole thing. Tom came in and asked Howard what they sent to him. Howard told him it's a whole big computer terminal that they had to hook up in his house. Tom said this was the first he was hearing of it. Howard thought it was one of their clients though. Tom said they're not one of their clients, other than the 20 minutes of the show they spent talking about it though.
Gary came back in and asked Howard why they can go to Scores and they're not a sponsor. Howard said he cleared that with Tom ahead of time. He doesn't just bring them up on the air and plug them without Tom's approval. Howard said that when someone comes to them like Sega did, they're looking for free plugs. He tried to tell Gary what he was talking about but Gary was arguing that he was just giving him a hard time and his argument was very thin.
Howard asked Jackie if he remembers hearing that Sega discussion in the meeting. Jackie said he may have heard the word Sega but he doesn't remember the conversation. Gary Puppet came to life and told Howard that his job is making his life miserable. The real Gary left at that point. Robin said she knows that Gary never said that this Sega thing was coming from a publicist. Tom told Howard he really should return the system even though they just did a half hour commercial for them. Howard said he would do that but it might take him a week or so to make it happen.
Howard said he has never accepted anything from a company if they're not a sponsor of theirs. That's why he wouldn't have taken this Sega thing if he hadn't been told they were a sponsor. He couldn't believe that Gary didn't know all of this stuff. He said that's why Letterman's guy Morty gets paid so much more than Gary. He pointed out that they had a new sign up on Gary's office door that says ''Baba Booey'' to remind him of who he really is. He said a listener sent that in for them.
Howard said Gary has a great memory but it's all for stupid crap. Gary Puppet came to life and said that Gary remembers stuff from movies that are useless. They had some fun with that for a few seconds but Howard said that he was pounding his head into the wall over that whole thing yesterday. His kids were playing the Sega thing and he had to break the news to them that they had to get rid of it. They had friends coming over to play it and everything.
Howard tried calling Gary but Gary told him to ''drop dead'' when he picked up. Howard called back and pretended to be from a Toshiba saying he wanted to send over some free cameras. Gary told him to send them right over. Howard said that Gary hadn't come in during the commercial break to produce the show. He said he doesn't know what Gary is doing back there in his office making deals.
Howard told Gary to come in there with the Sue Simmons contest. Gary just wanted to play the game but Howard was still goofing on him about the whole Sega Channel thing. Gary said he really didn't know that he did wrong because he said he knew that it wasn't a sponsor from the beginning. He wouldn't have told Howard that it was either. Howard kept goofing on Gary for a few more minutes.
E-mail And More Arguing With Ronnie The Limo Driver. 11/02/04. 9:20am
Some people thought Howard was being a little rough on Ronnie the Limo Driver yesterday. Ronnie ended up coming in and told Howard he never used his name at Scores to set up that party. Howard said that Lonnie would never throw those parties over there if he didn't have a relationship with them. Ronnie couldn't understand how he had used Scores like Howard thought he was. Ronnie said it'll never happen again though and he's never going to the club again. Howard said he didn't ask him to never go there again, that was something that he decided on his own. Ronnie said he really doesn't care either way and Howard thinks that he's holding it over his head. Ronnie also said that he has a problem with Sal the Stockbroker who is upset that he's not talking to him. He said that Sal didn't go near any of the girls there at the club because he's so afraid of what his wife will say. Sal came in a short time later and tried to defend himself but ended up fighting Howard's fight for him instead. Sal also said that Ronnie approved of him taping the guys there at the party and he was upset with him for no reason. Ronnie was upset that Sal went there and tape recorded people there even though it was Howard's idea. Ronnie said that Sal should have come there to just have a good time, not to tape the guys.
Sal asked Ronnie if he gave Scores any money after the party that night. Ronnie said it was none of his business but Sal said he's probably lying and didn't give them any money. Sal was goofing on Ronnie but he came right back at him and showed just how angry he is. Ronnie said he tried to be nice from Sal from the first day but he turned on him and stabbed him in the back, just like Stuttering John would do. Sal told Ronnie that once Howard leaves him, no one is going to show up to his parties. The only things the guys cared about were the food and the women. They weren't there for Ronnie. Ronnie told Sal that he was gay for going to a strip club and not getting any lap dances.
Doug Goodstein called in and said that he saw Ronnie pay thousands of dollars last year for the party he had at Scores. Ronnie said that he does pay, but it might not be the full amount that someone else would pay. Sal still didn't believe it though and said that he's still taking advantage of the situation. Dominic Barbara called in and said that Sal is over the line with that stuff. Sal ended up calling Dominic ''fatso'' so Dominic brought up some of Sal's history and said that he should have been indicted. Sal and Ronnie started arguing and talking over each other so Howard had to turn their microphones down. Dominic thought the whole thing was getting out of hand and Sal was out of control.
Gary came in and said that the two of them had to be separated out in the hallway because they were about to fight. He said the whole thing was really weird. Sal still didn't know why Ronnie was mad at him. He said he didn't have a problem with him before all of this stuff. Ronnie was running out of the studio so Howard asked him to come back in. Ronnie said he's done with that stuff and refused to accept Sal's apology. Sal didn't even know what he was apologizing for. Ronnie said he was upset about the whole tape recorder thing. Howard said it was his idea, not Sal's but Ronnie thought it had grown larger than that and it wasn't only that stuff that was pissing him off. He didn't like this racist comment that Sal made to him during their arguing. Gary asked Ronnie why he was upset with him as well. Ronnie was kind of upset that Gary didn't come to his party but Gary had other plans that night. He also thought that one of the reasons he didn't come was because he didn't like him. Gary said that had nothing to do with it though. Robin said she thinks there's something else going on there but she can't figure out what it is. Howard asked him if he's upset that Sal is a real Italian. Ronnie said that must be it. Howard had to wrap up the fight after Wayne Siegel tried to help out by telling Ronnie how much fun they had there at the party that night.
Howard was talking about how hot it was in the studio. He said he might have to put a swimming pool in there. He said he'd like to have a hot tub in there with some girls. Scott the Engineer came in to help out so Howard ended up goofing on him a little bit.
Howard said they had Scott in the studio after the show trying to do a new bit but they ended up goofing on Scott for a half hour instead. Howard, Jackie and Fred all started doing their impressions of Scott and made fun of him once again.
Howard said that he forgets what they were even goofing on him about yesterday. They had a bunch of jokes for this OJ bit they were doing and they had cut and pasted a bunch of paper that they had jokes written on. Howard said the were all being Scott doing the jokes. Howard said they were doing a lot of inside jokes while doing their Scott impressions.
Howard said that he was seeing himself as a kid even though he's 41. He said that they're all like kids and taunting the ''dad'' like guy there. He said that they're supposed to be above that at this point in their lives but they're not.
The guys were doing their impressions again and making fun of Scott talking about being in the union and how that works for him. Robin asked Scott when he's going to learn to keep his mouth shut.
Howard said that they have a new piece of equipment up there that's digital. He said that they had nothing high tech up there until now. He said that they're lucky they're on the air at all. Howard said that they finally convinced Tom to buy a digital work station and things are so much easier. Howard said they're trying 3 workstations out and Scott is trying to pick the right one. Scott said he's trying to make sure they spend their money the right way. That led to Fred doing his impression of Scott talking about the workstations.
The guys pointed out the ''Ckuhh'' sound that Scott sometimes makes. Howard said that it's only fun to make fun of him to his face. They rarely do it behind his back. Jackie said that once they see Scott is annoyed, they pick up the ball and keep rolling with it.
Jackie said that Scott tried to change the subject yesterday and asked about going on Prodigy and that just led to another half hour of goofing. Howard said they were making fun of Scott because his wife won't let him go on the computer by himself. Howard said that the guy bought the computer himself and he wanted to have a little fun on it. Now his wife pulls her chair up next to him and sits there watching every move he makes.
Howard asked Scott how that works with two people being on the computer. Fred threw in some typing on a computer sounds and Howard did his Scott voice as if he were typing to someone.
Scott said that he can do what he wants on the computer. Howard laughed. Scott said that he does go on with her sometimes but not all the time. Howard asked if they boot up together. Scott said they do it all together. They have the computer in an office and that's where they go on. He said that he does other stuff on the computer like word processing and things like that. He also goes on Prodigy to chat.
Howard asked Scott if he can sneak away to the computer and do stuff on his own. Scott said that he can do that but his wife will get on sometimes. Howard asked if the kid is all over his inner sanctum. Scott said that he can get away from everyone.
Howard asked Scott what else he and his wife do. Scott said that they go bowling together and things like that. Howard said that bowling is for guys who smoke, are overweight and have no athletic ability. That's Scott. Scott said that they also like to drink.
Howard asked Scott what his average is in bowling. Scott was just looking at him so he did his impression of him again and answered as if he were typing it out.
Howard found out that Scott's bowling team was called ''Three Jews and a Goy.'' That led to some more goofing. Howard asked Scott if he goes out to eat before bowling. Scott said they eat at home sometimes, sometimes they eat at the alley.
Howard asked Scott about bowling and what he and his wife do when they go. They talked about the ball, the rosin bag and all of that stuff. Everyone was doing their Scott voice while talking about that. Howard said he was fascinated by it all. That led to Scott saying that he would take Howard on in bowling if he wanted to do that. Howard said it's not that hard to bowl.
Howard asked Scott what his wife wears and things like that as they were talking about the whole bowling thing. Howard said he really had to take a break. He spent a little more time on that before wrapping up with Scott.
Ralph came into the studio so Howard asked Ralph how he had the pictures from his book in his possession. Ralph said that he made the pictures. Howard said that he was a jackass and told him to get out of the studio. Ralph said that he wasn't showing anyone the pictures. Howard told Ralph that he was saving those pictures to show people when they come out, not now.
Howard said he's not sure why he trusts Ralph. He told Ralph he didn't want him walking around with the Fartman cover. He asked who gave that to him. Ralph said that Jack Keller gave it to him. Howard said that he didn't want anyone seeing that stuff. Howard asked why Jack would give that to Ralph. Ralph said that he was showing it to girls to get laid. Howard told him to get out of there.
Howard said that Ralph is a mess inside and out. He said that Jack shouldn't have handed that out to anyone. Howard told him to hand them out on the street if he's going to give them to Ralph. Howard said that Jack probably got bamboozled by Ralph into giving them up.
Ralph came back in and said that he had the stuff in his bag and no one was going to see it. Howard said that he could have left his bag out on the street for anyone to find. Ralph said he wouldn't do that. He said he has more copies out there anyway.
Howard went off on Ralph for a few minutes and said that the guy is a kook. Howard said that he wouldn't usually let the guy run around like that. He said that Jack was probably fooled into giving him that stuff.
Ralph came in again and said that he didn't bamboozle anyone. He said that he didn't have to do that to get those pictures.
Gary said that Ralph won't be the staff photographer for the show either. Howard said that he was talking about having someone take pictures of their guests with him and things like that. They were thinking about making Ralph the staff photographer. Ralph was willing to do it but then Ralph was asking him to buy a camera and he wanted to use it for his own personal photographs. Ralph said that's not the way it went down though.
Howard said that Ralph wanted to use the camera for his own pictures so he told Ralph that was fine. Then Ralph asked if he could use the film he bought to take the pictures. They ended up making Kathy the staff photographer instead. It was going to be really easy until Ralph made it into a nightmare.
Ralph said he was willing to split the cost of that cameras with Howard. He said he would pay for half of it. Howard said he just wants pictures being taken there and he doesn't want someone carrying his camera all over the place.
Gambling Dan came in and said that Ralph was just trying to get a free camera. That's what this is all about and that's what the guys out in the office are thinking.
Howard said that he can imagine having to fight for his camera with Ralph. He said it would just turn into a nightmare with him. He said he's really not interested in that. Ralph said that Howard brought it up to him and he told him that he was thinking about what they could do. His thought was to get a really good camera for the show but also one that he could use.
Howard told Ralph he's fired as the staff photographer. Ralph said he was never hired. Howard said Kathy was so easy to deal with. He said that she was willing to do it and didn't give him a hard time about it.
Howard said that he had to be right getting rid of Ralph. He was turning it into a whole big thing and he didn't want it to be like that. He said he figured Ralph would come to him each time and ask to use his pictures for his portfolio and things.
Ralph came back in and said that all of the pictures he has Howard used in his first book. He didn't know why he was complaining like that. Howard said he just doesn't want the hassle. He said he had to take a break but continued to goof on Ralph about the camera thing. Ralph said all he had to say was that it was a bad idea. Ralph said he just goes too far with it. Howard went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Young MC and asked him about touring with Milli Vanilli adn why he didn't tell them that they were lip syncing. Young asid that he didn't want to be the one to dorp that bomb shell. Howard said that he knew that they did and Young MC kept denying it when he'd ask him about it. Howard asked Pat, who was sitting in the studio, what he thoght about all of that.
Pat Cooper said that Young MC could have been a huge star if he had broken that news. He said he didn't know who Young MC was. Young said that he was double platinum.
Pat said that he could have been a big man there and he could have given up rap and owned his own business if he had exposed those guys.
Young MC told Pat to take a diuretic but no one knew what he was referring to. He meant to tell him to take a laxative.
Young MC said that they were all made to sign an agreement about talking about what they do on tour but he wasn't made to sign one. He said that he didn't want to rock the boat at the time. Young said that they had a tape machine back stage and the people on tour stood around it like their careers relied on it.
Pat said that this guy was part of the fraudulent act and he's guilty so he should be sent to Iraq. Howard asked Pat if he would have spilled the beans on someone like Lola Falana if he had found out she was lip syncing. Pat said he would spill the beans immediately. He said he will do whatever it takes to stop that kind of thing.
Pat went off on Young MC saying that he didn't have any balls and that's why he didn't do anything. Young MC said that he remembers him tasting his balls. Pat said he spit them out like he did when he bit the balls off a goat.
Young and Pat went back and forth arguing with each other about that stuff. Young was saying that they didn't have the kind of technology they have now and Pat isn't used to that. Pat said that Young could have been a big man and it would have showed character if he had exposed them. Howard agreed with Pat on that.
Howard told Young that he cowered to the money. Young said he didn't want to screw up his career. Pat told him that he has no career. If he did he would have been out on his own and he wouldn't have had to tour with those guys. Pat was saying that there's no character anymore and people don't tell the truth. When you do, they get scared.
Young said that he didn't have any proof that the guys didn't sing the songs on the album. Howard asked how the thing worked with the band playing. Young MC said that they weren't playing and it was all coming out of that machine. They did have background singers who made it seem like it was real though. They were actually singing.
Pat continued to go off on Young about not bringing this out earlier. They went back and forth on that for quite a while. Howard eventually changed the subject and told MC that it was enough at that point. He said they spent a whole half hour on that stuff. They wrapped up a short time later.
Howard had Jackie Stallone in the studio and Gary came in a short time after he mentioned that her ex-husband had called them recently and said that Frank Stallone Sr. was on the phone.
Howard took the call and both Frank Sr. and Jackie ended up getting into a fight and calling each other names. Jackie was using the F-word and cursing him out saying he couldn't fuck and things like that.
The two of them were going at each other cursing and talking about how much they hate each other. Jackie said that Frank actually wanted her to have an abortion with Sylvester. She said she really can't stand that bastard. Frank didn't last long on the phone before he hung up.
Howard said that Jackie and Frank are probably right in their own ways. He said that there are two sides in every story. Jackie said that Frank didn't want Sylvester. She said that he beat the family and he never gave them a cent of support. She said that he was a real creep.
Howard said that he has to get Jackie and Frank Sr. on his TV show to have a People's Court type of thing. Jackie said she would kill him if he were there.
Jackie said she doesn't like Frank Sr. and she never got a cent from him. She said that he claims that he sent them money but he never did.
Jackie talked about some of the crazy things that happened with her and Frank when they got married. She said that he would make her do stuff she didn't know how to do like canning tomatoes and stuff. She said that she did that and all of the lids blew off. She said that he used to cut the heads off of goats that they had as pets and then he'd make them eat it. She said that was the kind of crazy stuff he used to make them do.
Jackie said that the 19 year old he's with has to be a dummy. She said that he's got nothing to give a 19 year old. Jackie said that the kids hate Frank too. She said that they despise him. They wrapped that up a short time later.
Marky And Joey Ramone Call In. 09/17/1997. 7:20am
Howard said he had Marky Ramone from The Ramones on the phone and he wanted to talk about something that Joey had said about him on the show recently. Marky said that he heard that Joey had called him a drunk the last time he was on so he wanted to talk about that. Howard told him he also had Joey on the phone so he picked him up and told him he had Marky on the line. Joey told Marky he really doesn't care about this stuff and it was Marky who started it all. Marky said that Joey was mad about the last time they were on the show and he brought up his OCD thing so that's why he's doing this to him.
Joey said that he wasn't upset about any of this stuff and this is ridiculous. Marky said that he's glad that the band broke up when it did because it was time. Joey said he heard that Marky was bad mouthing him in his shows these days but Marky denied doing that. He said Joey is just jealous of him because he has his own band.
Howard asked Marky what was said on the internet that Joey was talking about. Joey said that Marky had written some stuff about him on the internet and he likes sending that stuff out to everyone. Howard said he'd like to do a People's Court thing with them and have Judge Judy in there to handle the case.
Marky told Robin that she looks great now that she's on that diet she's on. He said he was on the same diet and it worked for him as well. Joey told Howard that this is all ridiculous and he can't believe they woke him up to do this. Howard asked him if he wanted to apologize to Marky over this stuff. Joey did say that Marky isn't a drunk. He said he had some drinking problems himself. Marky said that he helped Joey get sober but Joey denied that and said it wasn't true. The two of them went back and forth arguing and not getting anything out of it.
Joey asked if he could go back to bed. He said that Marky isn't a drunk and that was it. Then Joey said that Marky wears a wig so they started to fight again. Howard asked Marky if that was true. He said it wasn't true but Joey insisted that it was true. The two of them continued to argue about that for a short time. They said that they used to be good friends but Joey said that Marky turned out to be two faced and that's why they're not so friendly now.
Howard said he was shocked about the wig comment and wondered if it was true that people were making fun of Marky at the Lalapalooza concert like Joey was saying. Marky said that wasn't true and went back and forth with Joey on that. Marky said that Joey can't get any girls because they're repulsed by him. Joey said he had 3 girls in bed with him right then.
After arguing for a few minutes both Joey and Marky said that they should apologize to each other. Marky wanted to do it at the same time after counting it down. He did the countdown and both of them remained silent. They wouldn't apologize to each other. They tried again and Joey apologized to Marky about whatever it was they were arguing about. Joey said that Marky has put a lot of stuff on the internet about him but Howard told them that they had just apologized so maybe they should get over it. Joey was going to talk about it but Marky wanted him to forget about it. Howard told him not to forget about it and to talk about it with him. They weren't giving details though so Howard wrapped up with them a short time later. Howard gave Marky some plugs for his band and let him talk about that a little bit before letting them go. He thanked them for calling in and both of them told Howard they like Howard. Joey did Marky one better and said that he loves Howard. Howard told them both to go back to bed and let them go.
Howard said that was a great call with them fighting the way they were. He took a call from a woman who said that she felt it was necessary to call in and say that she would like to be killed in a snuff film. Howard asked her what's up with that. She said that she'd like the death to take a long time and hopes to be there during it. She said that she doesn't think that there's any other way to get that feeling. Howard asked her if she's polish and she said she actually is. He said he had a feeling she was after some of the things she said.
Howard spent a short time talking to this woman about the snuff film thing and figured she was making a joke about the whole ting. He eventually bailed out of the call and said that it couldn't possibly be real. He went to break after that.
Today's Fight Week special was over around 10:55am.
Howard told Robin that they had cut a new version of a song for a Baba Booey parody. He played some of that for her. Howard got into that and sang along to the song and did his Baba Booey, Fafa Fooey and other names for him. Billy West was getting in on that as well. Robin said she can't wait to see the video for that song.
Howard said they really should make a parody using that song. They had just made it up on the spot. Howard talked about some of the stuff he could see happening in the video. Jackie threw in some suggestions and Robin told Howard not to let him write the video.
Howard said that he almost took Gary's head off yesterday. He said that it got pretty ugly. Gary said he was sorry about all of that. He said he thought he was doing a good thing but he was wrong.
Howard said he was only going to spend about 10 minutes on this and not drag it out. He said he went into the office yesterday and Gary told him he had pulled a great practical joke. Howard said that was great. Gary said John thought it was okay after he ran it past him.
Howard said that they had Mike Judge on the show yesterday and he wanted to have him back on as a guest. Howard said that Gary used his quick wit and pulled a prank on Mike. Howard said that Mike went back to the studio to record some stuff for them. Gary said that he should have gotten Robin's reaction to this before he got Howard's.
Howard said Gary was telling him this in front of a bunch of people from the E! network. They had a whole table full of people in the room. Howard said Gary couldn't wait to tell him what he had done. He said Gary told him about taking Mike to the production studio to cut some IDs for them. Howard said Gary told him that he wrote a bunch of stupid IDs and had him standing there for a really long time doing them.
Howard said that he asked Gary why he would do that to a friend of the show. Howard said he didn't storm out and he just stuck around to do the IDs. Gary said he was just going to get sillier and sillier to see if he would stop cutting them. He said the last one he cut was one for Howard's cats.
Howard said Gary thought that this was stuff that they do to people all the time but they never do that with guests like that.
Howard said that if they did that to him on Leno or Letterman he would never go back. He said Gary started defending what he did and it was just not working. Howard told Gary he has to run stuff like that past him. Howard said it seems like he's a jerk when Gary thinks he's inconsistent. Gary thought it would be something he'd like.
Gary said that he and Jackie got into a big fight over the whole thing. Jackie said he thought it was kind of funny when he played it for him. Howard said that Jackie doesn't read people and that's his problem. Howard said he has to defend Jackie because people are talking about him behind his back all the time. He told Jackie that Robin doesn't even want him there. Robin just laughed when Howard said that.
Howard said that Gary is supposed to be his guest relations guy and he's busy pulling pranks on them. Howard said that Mike did the real IDs that they wanted him to cut on top of the stuff that Gary came up with. Howard started to raise his voice and Gary said he thought they weren't going to raise voices. Howard said he changed his mind on that.
Howard said he told Gary that he shouldn't be doing that kind of thing to any guest they have. Gary said it was ''just Mike Judge'' like it wasn't a big deal. Gary said that someone like Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't a comedian so he wouldn't do it to him.
Howard figured that Gary just wanted that answering machine message from Mike. That's what the whole thing was about. Gary said he's very wrong about that. Gary said that he will never put that message on the machine. Gary said he could have done that message at any time without pulling a prank on the guy. That's not why he did the prank. Howard said that Gary must have had a lot of guilt over this because of the way he came running in with that. Gary said he really didn't.
Howard played the audio of Gary asking Mike to cut all of these IDs where he's doing his Beavis and Butt-Head voices. Howard asked Gary why he was torturing his guests. Steve Grillo came in and asked if Howard wanted to call Mike and talk to him about this. Howard said he didn't want to bother him.
Gary said that the IDs were really bad and asked him not to play anymore. Howard said that it was painful to play them. He said he did want to hear them though. He wanted to hear Gary jerk around their guest. Mike was trying to come up with some stuff to say so it was like he was working.
Howard told Gary that he wants to go through this tape even if he doesn't want to hear it. Howard told Gary that he's no longer his producer, he's just a paid intern. Gary said he'll have to change his business cards. Gary said he's going to go out and cross out ''Producer'' and write in ''intern'' with crayon.
Howard played more of the Mike Judge clips and got nauseous hearing them. He said he was embarrassed by what Gary did to his guest. Gary was asking Mike to cut some stuff for their General Manager's son's band.
Howard said that after a guest has done an hour and a half on the show the guests just want to leave. He said that's plenty of time to spend on a show without having to go through what Gary put him through.
Gary said that Mike told him that he gets asked to do that kind of stuff all the time. He said he knows that what he did was still wrong though. Howard said that he just went over this with Gary a week ago and he still went out and did this.
Howard asked Jackie if he thinks there is any difference between this and asking a gust in the hall for an autograph like he did. Jackie said no but had to repeat himself since Gary was talking over him.
Robin wondered if Gary was trying to piss Mike off by doing that. Gary said he just wanted to see him get to a point where he said he wasn't going to read some of the lines. He wasn't trying to piss him off. Howard said that the ultimate goal was to piss the guy off.
Gary was wondering why he was making this last longer than 10 minutes. Howard told Gary that he stretched this out because he's that much closer to 10 o'clock when he can leave. Howard told Gary that guests can't be jerked around after they walk away happy. Robin said that Howard is the only one that should jerk a guest around.
Stuttering John came in and said he was trying to get John on the phone but he had a block on it. Howard said that maybe they should leave the guy alone. Gary said he can try calling at a better hour. Howard told Gary to cut an apology for him right now. He told John to come back in too. He said that John is a jerk.
Howard asked John if he had Mike sign stuff yesterday. John said that a couple of people from the station asked him to get Mike to sign some stuff. John said that he went to Gary and asked him if it was okay and Gary said it was. Howard told the guys that he wants to be asked from now on. He said that the guests are not to be jerked around in any way from now on. He said that if Mike wants to go to lunch with John and sign stuff then, that's fine.
Howard said that John is sneaky and said that he should do like Gary does and sign stuff himself. Howard said that Tom is the biggest Jackass on the planet. He said that he doesn't want Tom asking guests for autographs. Howard said that they shouldn't be bothering the guests at all.
Steve Grillo said that he's getting calls from people saying that Gary was asking Tim Allen for autographs when he was in. Gary said that Tim had 8x10 pictures with him and he asked if they wanted any. Howard said that's fine then. Howard said that if Tom comes up to him and asks him to get autographs, just say ''no!'' Howard said he has no problem now that he has let everyone know about this. The guests don't have to worry about them pulling pranks on them.
Gary asked if he could reveal the Robin Puppet. Robin kept goofing on him so he wanted to bring the puppet in to show everyone. Howard said he didn't even know there was one. Gary went to get the puppet and said that someone gave it to Jackie at an appearance. He unveiled the puppet and Howard just laughed when he saw it. Jackie told Gary that the teeth in the puppet were the guy's grandmother's real teeth.
Gary worked the puppet for a second but Howard told him to give it to Fred instead. Howard said that the whole show is puppets now. Fred did his Robin voice and worked the puppet a little bit. Howard told him he was doing a nice job with it.
Howard told Gary to repeat after him and made him talk about what he was going to do with the guests from now on.
Howard played some more of the audio of Gary asking Mike to cut the IDs. He had him cutting his answering machine message and things like that. Gary told Howard to keep playing it because there were some funny things in there. Howard wrapped that up a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to talk about how her radio was tuned to his station ''accidentally'' and she heard the show. She said that when Howard made fun of breast cancer, that was just too much for her. She explained to Howard that he shouldn't be making fun of it like he did. Howard said that he was making a point about guys all being scum and not caring what a woman thinks, they just care about what she looks like.
Howard asked the woman why she can't use her brains when she listens. Howard said he wasn't making fun of breast cancer. The woman said that what he was doing was the same as making fun of a person in a wheelchair for not being able to walk. Howard told her that she should keep her radio on John Gambling instead.
The caller said that her son must have been listening to the radio. She didn't tune in to hear the show herself. Howard asked her how she tuned in and heard him talking about breast cancer. She said it made her furious. She said she turned it off when she heard how far he went.
Howard said that she's so thick skulled that she doesn't understand what she's hearing. The woman said that Howard is the one with the physical handicap. Howard said he might but she's the one with the mental handicap. Howard told her that no one asked her to listen and told her to check the dial before she tunes in.
Howard told the woman that she's not smart enough to listen to the radio and her sense of humor had cancer. She told Howard that what he does is sick and it's not humor.
Howard said that there is no way he can convince this woman that she's wrong. Howard said that this woman is probably out cavorting with everyone while he's living an exemplary life. Howard figured that her husband had to have left her because of all of the nagging. She told Howard that there's no changing his looks. Howard said that he hasn't seen her deformities yet.
Howard asked the woman what she does for a living. She said it was none of his business. Howard said this woman sounds so much like his sister. She's such a Yenta.
The woman told Howard to look in the mirror to see what cancer looks like. Howard said that this woman can't even follow a sentence and he's so tired of morons like her. The woman said that Howard is holding her on the line for a long time. She said that Howard has no material and all he does is take phone calls. Howard said he thought she didn't listen. She told Howard that her son tells her about it.
Howard told the woman to go pick her zits in the mirror. He told her she was a big puss and had whiteheads all over her face. Howard told her to go pick her crabs too. Howard said this woman just doesn't get it and her arguing is so bad. The woman told him that he was rambling now.
Howard asked where her son's father is. He figured her bed was full of illegal aliens. The woman said that at least she can look in the mirror. She said she couldn't believe what she saw when she saw Howard's face. Howard said he thought that she knew nothing about the show.
Howard asked the woman what is okay to make fun of. She told him that making fun of illness is just wrong. Howard thanked her and called her a ''pig slut'' as he hung up.
Howard was telling Robin that he had to talk to Tom Chiusano about not playing the Greaseman promos that they wanted him to play. Howard said he doesn't like the guy and he's not going to do them. He said that Tom didn't get that it upsets him and he finally had to tell Tom that he would play them, but he won't actually play them.
Howard said no one ever helped them out. Robin said that's what she's saying too. Howard said he had to go in and kick the Greaseman's feeble ass in Washington DC and he's not going to help the guy out now.
Howard said that the Greaseman is glommming into his syndication deal as well and he's not going to be part of that. Howard said Tom told him that he's part of the station and he has to do what they say.
Howard said he wants to know where that worm is. He said Tom thinks that he actually agreed with him over the argument. Howard said that he just told Tom to do whatever he wants. He was just exhausted from the argument and doing 4 hours of radio.
Howard said that he is a competitive guy and he's not going to help promote this guy. He admits that he's not a rational man.
Howard said they may have to play the ''Tom C'' song parody 5 times in a row to get it through his head what he thinks of him. Robin said that she was wondering how that meeting went. Howard said he told Tom that he's going to have to fire him over that because there's no way he's going to play those promos.
Howard said that every day they have a new lecture on something there. He said Tom tells him how great the stuff is they do on the show but then he turns on him and brings up that kind of crap. Howard did his impression of Tom and goofed on him for a few minutes. Robin was doing her impression of him too. Fred was playing the golf club swinging sound clip while the goofed on Tom.
After a fast forward Howard came back from a break and said that he was out in the hall and now Tom is in a real bad mood. He said that Tom is going to have to go to higher management to get him to do the promos. Howard said that Tom hates him now. He said that he had promised Tom that it was going to be the end of it but now he's going on and on about it again. Howard said he and Jackie were out in the hall trying to avoid Tom. Gary had come to him and told him that Tom was going to be mad at him and he was the one who was going to get yelled at. Howard said that Tom isn't going to fire Gary though so he shouldn't worry about it.
Howard told Gary to get in there. Howard told Gary to tell everyone how he was asking Tom to fire him. Gary told that story and said that everyone was laughing except for Tom. Howard said that Tom would have never hired him to work there and he's the kind of guy who should be running a lite music station. He said he'd have a much better time of it if he were on one of those other stations.
Howard said the Greaseman is doing okay down in Philly but they need him to sell him up there in New York. Howard said that Tom is trying to tell him that they have to promote the guy there because he is part of the station now. Howard said that Tom is right but he just can't do it. Howard said there are people there who won't talk to people who left the station for better jobs and that's not so rational either.
Howard said that he's just a DJ who works there and Tom knows he has this irrational response to it all so he should just leave him alone.
Tom came in and told Howard that he works for the same station so he has to help them out with this. Howard said he really doesn't and he can't just promote a guy he hates. Howard told Tom that he's number 1 because he's a vicious man and he doesn't have that ''live and let live'' thing that Tom does.
Howard asked Tom if he wanted him to turn into a pussy. Tom said that he's not looking for Howard to do that. He said he's just asking him to be professional about this. Howard said he doesn't want his audience thinking that he's in step with every ''dingle nosed greaseman'' that comes in there. Tom was doing an impression of himself speaking as a robot so Howard had to cut him off.
Howard asked Tom if he wants a guy on the station who is willing to take risks with what he does. He asked Tom if he would want him to get over his hate for Imus if they hired him to work there too. Tom said that there was something personal there between Howard and Imus when they worked together at WNBC. Howard said that Imus' radio annoyed him and that's why he hates that guy so much. He said it wasn't that much of a personal thing.
Howard told Tom that he can't suddenly switch his views on a guy like that without the audience thinking he's a pussy. Howard said Tom told him that he's not supposed to say that the guy sucks when he's on the same station. Howard said he's not going to change just because Tom tells him to.
Howard said that he and Tom are at an impasse with this. He told Tom not to go squealing on him about it either because he knows that's just what he's doing. Howard said that the guy shouldn't need him doing promos for him to be number one.
Howard said that he can't do well if he's playing those promos during his show. He said that it would be like Tom was defeating him with that if he actually got him to play the promos.
Gary said that there was one listener who called in and said that Meg Griffin wasn't forced to do promos that she didn't want to do. Howard said that's right and Tom just doesn't get it. He said that Tom is a Type B personality and he wouldn't know what it's like to be a Type A like he is.
Howard said Tom hates him and loves the Greaseman. He said Tom knows the guy and he's had a personal relationship with him for a long time.
Howard and Tom goofed around with all of that for a few minutes. Tom went into his robot voice and got on Howard's megaphone and used the voice changer to make his voice sound even more like a robot.
Howard asked Tom if he thinks that he's a team player. Tom said that he's not after this. Howard said that he gets involved in station activities and helps out all the time. Tom told him that he's the best but this one thing shows that he's not a team player. Robin said that it just takes one player on a team to screw things up and ruin the team. Howard said that he had to go to break but he knows that Tom is steamed over this whole thing.
Scott And Ronnie Fighting. 4/18/01. 10:05am
Earlier in the show Ronnie the limo driver and Scott the Engineer were talking about their NASCAR driving school experience. Someone said that Ronnie's wife had to call Scott's wife to get permission for him to go to the school. Now Scott is pissed and he has canceled the dinner he had scheduled on Saturday. Some people said he was yelling and throwing stuff down the hall too. Scott came in and said he wasn't doing any of that stuff though. Ronnie said after they talked about it earlier he said to Scott ''I guess dinner is off'' and Scott said ''I guess so''. Howard just wanted Scott to admit that he is pussy-whipped but he wouldn't do it. He kept saying that his wife was just worried about him going to the school and Ronnie's wife just had to convince her it was okay.
Doug Goodstein from E! came in and said that Scott was okay until 2 days before they were supposed to go. That's when it all fell apart. Once again Scott said that his wife was just worried about him. He finally admitted that he's pussy-whipped.
Some additional details... After a fast forward we heard Howard talking to Ronnie about how Scott had canceled dinner with him on Saturday night because of the conversation they had earlier. Ronnie said that Scott isn't talking to anyone back in his office. Howard said he heard that Scott was throwing stuff around. Scott came in and said he wasn't throwing anything.
Howard said he thought it was funny that Scott has to ask his wife for permission to go to these things. Scott said that he doesn't have to ask. Doug Goodstein said that Scott does have to ask and that's why he almost didn't go.
Scott said that his wife is upset that she was being played as a fool. Howard said that he finds it amazing that she's that worried about him that she didn't want him getting hurt at the school. Scott said that Ronnie was trying to get him to go and that's why he made a big deal about going.
Ronnie said the school contacted him and asked him to go so he asked Scott if he was able to go. Howard said that Scott is pussy whipped and he should just admit it, it's not that big of a deal.
Howard asked where the anger was that John wanted him to see. Scott and Ronnie weren't that upset. Ronnie said that Scott did cancel dinner with him though. Ronnie thinks that Scott's wife is going to be upset with his wife for setting her up. Howard wondered how she was set up. Ronnie said that's just what she's going to think.
Doug said that Scott was really gung ho to go on this trip until 2 days before. Scott said that he had plans and he almost wasn't able to make it. Howard asked what those plans were. Scott said he had house work to do. Doug said he told him he had some kind of family function to go to. Scott said it was some family stuff. Howard asked him what that was. Scott said they had plans to go with his sister and her family.
Doug also blamed Scott's bad luck, black cloud, on his choking incident during the driving school thing. Doug said he was eating chunky soup when he got a piece of potato stuck in his throat. He just happened to be sitting next to Scott. He tried to get Ronnie to help him get the potato out but Ronnie thought he was just kidding around. Ronnie and Scott DePace finally hit him in the stomach and back and stopped his choking. Doug says it was Scott's bad luck that caused the choking.
Robin was talking about a friend of her's that she had to tell about what Fred does. Robin said that she wanted to see some stuff about the business and she was filling her in on that. Howard asked if she's cute. Robin said she guesses she's cute. Robin said that she's her neighbor. Howard had met her but didn't remember meeting her.
Howard asked Robin if she has become close with her. Robin said she has and she's sure that she likes her for her. Howard asked how long they've been friends and if she had yelled at her at all. Robin said it had been about 3 years and she had never done that.
Howard said that Robin's friend must have watched the camera they have on Fred to catch him doing weird stuff. Robin said that her friend came to her and told her how amazing Jackie was. Then she asked what Fred does and how he has this far away look in his eye like he's not even there. Howard said that's why he put the wall up in there so he wouldn't have to see that look. Howard did an impression of the look and had Robin cracking up.
Howard said that Fred's energy drifts and he's not sure where he goes. Fred said that the energy gets sucked out of him by that person who sits behind him causing the black hole.
Howard said that he's going to do his impression of Fred and the E! guys can compare the two to see if they look the same. Howard did his look and said that's what he sees in the meetings they have.
Fred was getting riled up about what they were goofing on him about. Fred said that he's not the only one with issues.
Howard said that they have really abbreviated meetings now that he has the movie going on and stuff. He said that he'll ask Robin questions about guests and stuff and Jackie knows he has to get in there quick but Fred doesn't show up. Fred said that's because he's doing work in the studio.
Jackie said that Howard will ask where Fred goes but no one is willing to go and find out. They don't have anyone who has the balls to follow the guy around.
Steve Grillo came in and said that Fred will just vanish from the hall if you try to follow him. He said it's like he just disappears all of a sudden if you're trying to sneak around trying to find him.
Fred said that his hiding spot is right there in the studio. Fred said that's where it is 99 percent of the time.
Howard said that Fred has his own work habits and they're not going to mess with them. Howard said that Fred seems to march to his own drummer. Gary said that no one can tell Fred what to do. Robin said that Fred is always missing and off doing something else when they're doing stuff as a group. Fred said he's always busy doing stuff for the show.
Howard said that Fred must be doing something right because the show is very popular. He said that if he stops doing whatever it is he's doing, they may not be that successful.
Mike Gange came in and talked about how Fred has to finish his tasks before he can move on to anything else. Howard said that it's like he's programmed to do those tasks and he can't move on to anything before he's done with them.
Howard said that they've tried to assign people to the task of putting Fred's tapes back but no one gets it right so Fred still does it. Howard said Fred is like the Good Humor man who can reach in and grab the right ice cream out of the freezer without looking at it. He does that with the sound carts.
Jackie talked about how he's seen people try to put carts away but they just don't work. Fred can just come walking in and pick them out like he knows where every single cart is.
Howard said that Fred is always missing and they're always asking where he is. Fred is always busy doing something. He said that he's never in a rush though and he just comes in like nothing was going on. Gange said that he has seen Fred in the studio before going over tapes and doing his own little show in there.
Howard asked Fred about that Fred Show. Gary said he had to get out of the studio after that came up. Gange said that the show will get good and they will argue about what bands are good and not so good. Fred said he's always busy doing stuff in there though so it's not like he's just doing that show.
Gange said that Fred is always talking about his dog and things like that. Fred said that Gange is making stories up now and he's just trying to get air time.
Howard said he knows what Gange is talking about because he's seen him do it with other people. Howard said they have to get a hidden camera in the studio to catch what he does after the show. Grillo said they actually do that already. He said they have a lot of fun watching what Fred does.
Howard said they should make this into an E! show and pull the reel of clips they have of Fred doing weird stuff for the show. Grillo said that they have Fred making weird faces and stuff like that. Howard said that Fred has taken enough of a critique today. Fred said he took a bashing. He said he knows that this is the revenge for the impressions he does of people like Grillo and John.
Stuttering John said that Fred will go on and on in a discussion and you feel afraid to leave because you might upset the guy.
Gary came in and told a story about Fred and how you hope to get out of a conversation with the guy in a few minutes but it always turns into a really long conversation. Gary ran out of the studio after he told the story because he was afraid of Fred's wrath. Howard had to wrap up a short time later to take a commercial break.
Howard asked Robin how Cleveland was. Robin said it was tough getting there. She said that she saw the plan fly off because she got stuck in traffic outside of the airport. Robin said that she went to the airport and gave herself a half hour buffer. She said that it was on a Friday so the guys told her that she should have left earlier.
Robin said she got to Cleveland at around 9:30 and went out and signed her books. She said that was very nice. She got a little bit of rain on her that night though. Robin said that she was a little late for her book signing too. Howard asked why that was.
Robin said that they told her to be somewhere at 1:30 so she was there. She said they asked her what to do about checking out so she had to check out then so they could get that out of the way. Gary said if he had done that, he would be hung on a cross.
Robin said she didn't know she was going to have to check out. She said that there were people telling her what to do and she just followed that. Robin said she had no idea what they were going to have her doing ahead of time.
Robin said she got there at the book signing around 2:15 in the afternoon. She said she didn't think it was that late.
Howard asked Robin what she did that morning. She got up at 9 and watched movies until she had to get going. Howard said that wasn't much of an excuse for being late. Robin said that's not an excuse, it's just what happened.
Gary told Howard that they can't have the high school intern that they were talking about because Tom said no. Howard said that they can have her, she's 18 years old with the body of a 25 year old. Howard said that he'd like to know why they have that rule. He said that Tom would probably just say that's the way it is.
Howard said that he might have to assign Robin a book signing assistant. Robin said that she's just telling him what she's going through and she doesn't care how he does things. Howard said he hears Robin blaming a lot of people for what went wrong. She could have stopped that from happening.
Robin said that Howard had better leave her alone. She said that she doesn't want him bothering her with his opinions on what she does. Robin said she doesn't have time to get 5,000 assistants like Howard has done. Howard said she shouldn't be late.
Howard said Robin was there the night before and that was good but she had the whole morning free. Robin said she was done and walked out of her booth. Howard said that Robin should have known that she was going to check out before she was supposed leave for the signing.
Jackie said that Robin had nothing but the book signing to do so she should have been there on time. Howard asked what's going on in that organization. Jackie said you'd think she'd find out what she was supposed to do after the book signing. Jackie said that maybe she could have gotten there early. She could have gotten some of the autographs out of the way early.
Gary came in and asked if they think Robin got mad. Howard said she walked out because they were talking about this stuff. He said that she's obviously not cured.
Gary told Howard they had the high school girl on the phone. He said that she's now 19 and she's in college. Howard said that he felt that she was very mature last year when they got her letter so he'd like to have her intern there.
Howard spent a short time talking to the girl, Beth, who was looking to be an intern. Howard asked if she still had her Catholic high school uniform. She said she might still have it.
Howard asked Beth about her measurements and if the guys all go crazy for her. She said they don't go crazy. She said she does wear a bikini at the beach when they asked her about that. Howard heard that and said he'd like to have her intern there.
Howard told Gary to have her in for an interview. Gary asked if she can work mornings. She said she could do that. Howard asked her to bring swim wear and things like that. Gary told her to be there by 9 and they'd interview her. She said she had to go to school.
Beth said that her mother was getting upset. Howard told Beth that they're actually well behaved there. He asked if her mom is hot. Beth said she wasn't but she'd get into that later.
Gary asked if the guys were worried that Robin hadn't come back yet. Jackie said maybe more happened then they knew about. Gary asked if he should go look for her. Howard said she'll be alright.
Stuttering John came in and said that Robin was very upset and she was saying that she's very tired and she wishes that people could be in her shoes and know what she's been going through. John said that she wasn't yelling at him but she was being very patronizing.
Howard said that he had to take a break but he was very shocked by Robin walking off the show like she did. Howard said that he was trying to sell some books for Robin by talking about it and maybe Robin didn't understand that. Howard said maybe she's trying to come up with more to write about in a second book.
After a fast forward we heard Howard asking the guys if they had seen Robin. Jackie said he heard she was tired and she wasn't going to do the show. He said that she claimed that she wasn't upset though. Gary said he saw Robin in the hall and she told him she was very tired and didn't want to do the show.
Robin came back in and said that she was exhausted and she just didn't have the energy to go through that whole thing earlier. She said she doesn't usually have that problem to yell at the guys but today she wasn't able to do it.
Howard said Robin sounded well rested now. Robin started to go off on Gary about what he was saying about her. She said she's tired from running around the country and she wasn't complaining about writing the book like Gary was saying earlier.
Howard said that Robin has done enough promotion for her book and he's seeing what's going on now. Robin said she didn't know what a drain it was going to be on her.
Gary said he was getting the impression that Robin really doesn't like him. Howard said that she's irritated by him when he critiques her. Robin said that Gary was acting like he had all of this personal knowledge about her that he really doesn't have. Robin was also getting tired of Howard's patronizing of her so she told him to just go on with the show.
Howard said he didn't know that he was going to be able to spend so much time talking about this stuff. Robin said that the last time she stopped working was January of 1994. She said that when she says she's going to do something, she's going to do it. She has some more stuff coming up this month and then she's done.
Howard said he didn't think that Robin was taking this stuff right. Robin said that she just wasn't able to talk and she wasn't upset with the subject matter. She said that she just had to go out and rest. Howard said it kind of insults him when someone walks off the show.
Howard asked what time Robin got home from Cleveland. She said it was 6:30-7:00 on Saturday and she relaxed on Sunday. She went out to see Hamlet on Sunday. Howard said that Robin's book is out and you have to read it to understand her.
After a fast forward we heard Howard talking about how Jackie had gone out and gotten a new manager. He talked about what Jackie must have told his old manager about why he was changing. That led to Billy West doing his Jackie impression while Howard was talking about all of that.
Howard goofed on Jackie a little bit and Billy was working the Jackie Puppet talking to him as if it was really him. Howard was trying to find out details about what this new guy is doing for him. Jackie wasn't giving him details though.
Howard asked what Nancy is doing for Jackie. Robin said she hears that she's still helping out with Jokeland. They talked about that and Howard said that Jackie must be happy because he hasn't fired her.
Billy was doing his Jackie Puppet impression through the discussion and cracked Howard up a few times with some of his lines.
Howard asked Jackie about what his manager is going to do for him. He wanted to know if he's going to be booking dates for him. Jackie said that he will be doing that. He didn't want to discuss some of the stuff that Howard was wondering about though.
Robin asked Jackie why he avoided that kind of representation all these years. Jackie said that it was just timing.
Howard said he just heard about it through the grape vine but he can imagine the negotiations that went on. Howard asked if he still has a lawyer as well. Jackie said he did. Robin was asking him some questions too so Jackie said he might just walk out of the studio and told her to just shut up. Howard asked Robin to get to her news after that.
Robin told Howard to talk about the Larry King story. Howard said he had a bad weekend and he was kind of tired too. Robin said that she was still doing her job and asked Jackie what he brought in with him. They ended the segment after that.
AJ Benza Punches Stuttering John... Banished From Show! 7/24/01. 7:45am
While Howard was taking phone calls and killing some time this morning Stuttering John was calling in as a listener and disguising his voice. He ended up goofing on AJ's failed TV show and it really pissed AJ off. AJ said he was going to go punch John out and John welcomed the threat. The next thing everyone knew AJ left the studio, ran out to John and smacked John across the face. Gary tried to get between them and he got hit also. It was all caught on tape and General Manager Tom Chiusano came down and told AJ to leave the station. He said there's no room for that in the work place and he told him to get out. AJ said no problem but Howard tried to discuss the whole thing first. Stuttering John was ready to kick his ass though. Howard told AJ that he needs some anger management classes or something. No one could believe that AJ would get that pissed over something so minor but AJ said that sometimes you just have to teach someone a lesson. He said he just smacked John with his left hand, not his right hand which is his strong hand. It doesn't matter to Tom though. He just has to leave now that Tom has come into it.
Howard said it was up to Stuttering John to make the decision of whether or not to have AJ thrown out of the station today. John said he has to go because he doesn't want something like that happening again. Gary said he doesn't think he wants the chance of that happening again either.
Donald Trump called in and told John that he should sue AJ and even Howard's show because the show's got the money. Trump said that John could make millions off of the suit and he'd never have to work again. Trump said his stuff and quickly hung up. He has a problem with AJ to begin with so he would be happy to see John sue him.
It was suggested that John be allowed to return a slap to AJ to make things even but there were conditions on AJ's end that people didn't want to deal with. Everyone was going nuts with the whole thing. Howard wanted to put the video clip on the web, Tom wanted AJ to leave, AJ was bleeding from KC grabbing him and tossing him out of the studio... it was a mess.
Gary was one of the people who thought that AJ shouldn't be allowed back on the show. He thinks that AJ is a ''loose cannon'' and could go off at any time. He didn't think that before today but now he does. Tom was saying that AJ may be allowed to come back tomorrow but it should be discussed with him first.
After taking a break Howard said that he's going to try and get the video either up on the web or on E! as soon as possible. Howard went on to discuss what should all come out of this. He and Robin discussed whether or not AJ should be allowed back on the show. Howard wanted to leave it all up to John and whether or not he's comfortable being around the guy. John says he knows he'll smack AJ if he is around so it might be a bad idea to let him back on the show. The fact that John was ''pushing AJ's buttons'' after making the phony calls also came up. Howard wasn't defending AJ's actions but he did say that John was pushing a little too far when he goofed on AJ's hair and called him an ''arrogant jerk''. The whole thing drove AJ over the edge and he smacked John. That was wrong of AJ to do but it happened. Howard tried and tried again to discuss the whole thing with John but John wanted to argue about it for some reason. He didn't want the responsibility of kicking AJ off the show. Howard finally made a decision not to allow AJ to come back on the show. John then thought that he was then the ''bad guy'' in the whole thing but that's not the way Howard was looking at it. He was looking at it as making it safe for everyone else on the show. He also said it's a message to every guest that comes on the show. You can't hit someone who works there. Howard wrapped up the whole AJ thing with his own little eulogy. He said that AJ is a great guy and a great guest but he wronged a friend of his so he's off the show.
This whole thing went so long into the show that Howard had to put off a couple of guests including Johnny ''Mud'' Mudman and some guy who's going to cut off his feet with a guillotine on the web. Howard said they'll be back tomorrow during a huge show which includes guests Mark Wahlberg and Beetlejuice vs. Gary the Retard in ''Password''.
Howard also said that tomorrow he'll announce where we'll be able to view the video from the AJ/Stuttering John fight on the web. Stay tuned for that.
Sal The Stockbroker's Meltdown. 06/03/05. 7:35am
Howard ended up yelling at Gary for not sending in the COPS tapes he was asking for. Sal had come in and told Howard that he asked Gary if he should bring them in and Gary told him ''no.'' That led to Sal and Gary yelling at each other about that stuff. Howard also asked Sal if it's true that he's been going to comedy school. Sal saw a note on Howard's desk yesterday that said something about that and Sal called Richard and left a message for him telling him that he hopes that it wasn't him who passed the note to Howard. Sal said that he and another comedian hang out one day a week and write material. Gary was pointing out some of the terms that Sal uses when he talks about his comedy stuff. They have terms like ''call back'' which is when you go back to a joke that you told earlier in you act. Sal was yelling at Gary and saying that he can't do anything right in his eyes. Gary found it funny that they can't goof on Sal who goofs on people all the time. Artie said that Richard was telling them about some of the other terms that Sal uses like ''a tag'' which is like tagging a punch line. Artie said he's been doing comedy for years and he doesn't use terms like that. Gary said that he's sat around with Artie and some other comedians before and they never talk about comedy like that. Artie said he has heard the term ''call back'' before but not the ''tag'' thing. Sal said there's also an ''act out'' which is acting out something you bring up. Howard asked Sal where he learned that stuff. Sal said he did read a book called ''Doing it Standing Up.'' Sal also said that he heard the ''tag'' term from Nick DiPaolo when he did a show with Stuttering John one time. Sal also said that the comedian he hangs out with, Steve Marshall, doesn't get paid by him or anything like that.
Ralph called in and said he finds it funny how Sal has goofed on Gary over the years and he doesn't get that Gary is just hammering him back. Gary said he's not going to take crap from Sal about anything and he doesn't have to answer to him any day of the week. Sal said he was trying to help Howard out by getting him the COPS tapes and Gary was goofing on him about that. Artie said that there were a bunch of people in the back talking about Sal yesterday but they weren't coming in to talk about it today. Sal was yelling at Gary for bringing up the comedy school thing because it just wasn't true.
Sal told the guys that he meets with other people about his comedy like Richard Christy and Will Murray from the back office. Vinnie Favale called in and said that he thinks he met this guy Steve Marshall that Sal meets with and they have to get him on the show because the guy is like Henny Youngman. Sal was yelling at Ralph to shut up during all of that because he was going off on him. Sal ended up walking out of the studio because he couldn't take the abuse. Gary said that he's taken tons of abuse from Sal over the years and he still likes him but Sal can't take any goofing himself. Gary also said that Sal is actually good when he does stand-up comedy and he wants people to believe that he's a natural and doesn't want anyone to know that he's learning some stuff from some other people. Robin said that Sal will never thank his comedy teacher if he ever wins an award for anything. Richard Christy came in and said that Sal does use a lot of lingo that he's never heard before. He also said that Sal has helped him out with his comedy a lot. Richard said that Sal has given him some advice on what to do on stage sometimes.
Gary said that he heard that Sal and Richard played a place recently and they're now banned from appearing there again. Richard's material didn't go over very well. Will came in and said that Sal was about ready to kill someone out in the hall and threatened to strangle Robin. Will said that Sal has given him some advice on comedy and told Howard about that. Will said that if you think about all of that stuff while you're on stage you get lost. Will said they once saw Sal going nuts on an audience member because he was heckling him. Sal apparently yelled at the guy and stopped doing his comedy to do that. Howard thanked all of the guys for coming in and tried to wrap up the segment. Gary said that he's not going to answer to Sal, he learned his lesson when Stuttering John was there because he was just about working for him before he left. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard vs Dice On The Phone. 9/24/97. 8:35am
Well it looks like the end of a friendship. Howard wanted to give Dice some advice on his career this morning but the phone call turned ugly. After Dice's recent appearance on the show he was interviewed by Chauncy from ''Steppin Out'' magazine. In the interview he said that Howard ''was a little off'' that day. He was basically blaming Howard for his own not-so-funny appearance. Howard got pretty pissed about it and wanted to confront Dice about it. I was cringing during the whole phone call. Howard tried to give Dice some advice but Dice just bad mouthed Howard and called him ''Rat boy''. He called Howard ugly and kept bringing up the fact that Jackie writes jokes for Howard but Dice writes his own stuff. The two of them went at it for a good 20 to 25 minutes without taking a breath. It was pretty intense. Dice's TV show ''Hitz'' is down near the bottom of the ratings. He's like 107th out of 109 tv shows rated. Howard brought that up but Dice said that the show was doing fine. The phone call just turned out to be just one big mess. Eventually Howard hung up on Dice because Dice wasn't listening to what he was saying. A little while after the call Howard said that he'd still be willing to talk to Dice if they could just avoid the name calling. I don't think we'll be hearing from Dice anytime soon.
Hank The Dwarf And Beetlejuice. 3/17/00. 7:50am
Hank the dwarf and Beetlejuice the tiny headed dwarf came in to hang out for a little while this morning. Howard heard that the two of them got into a little fight out in the hallway. Beetlejuice came in first. He had his hair and eyebrows painted green for St. Patrick's day. He told Howard that he's going to be in the New York St. Patrick's day parade today. Howard tried to find out how he did that but Beetlejuice can never give a straight answer. Howard brought in Hank a few minutes later to find out why the two of them were fighting it out. For the next 20 minutes the two of them had a pissing contest over the dumbest things. If Hanks drinking came up Beetlejuice would say that he can drink more than him. If Hank's height came up Beetlejuice would say he's taller than him. Beetle said that he's better than Hank at just about everything. Hank called Beetle a ''stupid little midget'' and everyone pointed out that Beetle is taller than Hank. Hank said that if he is taller it's only by a couple of inches. Apparently this all started back at Howard's birthday show a few weeks ago. Hank said that Beetle didn't want him to meet William Shatner for some reason and the two of them started in with each other at that point. Beetle said he doesn't even know who Shatner is and he doesn't know why he didn't want Hank to meet him.
After the arguing Howard brought in this British TV show host who wanted to interview Hank. The host of the show ''Freak Out'', Matt, came in with his crew to interview Hank. Matt has flipper hands so Howard spoke to him about that for a couple of minutes then turned over the show to him. The interview Matt did was really lame and it wasn't going anywhere so Howard gave up on it.
This guy Mike had come down to try and win breast implants for his wife. He had agreed to suck Hank's toes to win the implants. Hank didn't want any part of it unless he was going to get paid. Gary told him they'd give him $800 courtesy of iWon.com for his trouble. He was also afraid that the guy was gay but Mike says he's not. Gary took off Hank's one shoe and everyone was disgusted by his uncut toe nails. Hank says he never cuts them. Some people were even saying that they were green from fungus or something. Howard told the guy that he had to suck and kiss all of his toes and put all 5 in his mouth to win the implants. Mike didn't seem to hesitate much. He went right to it and sucked those green toes. He won the implants which will be put in by Dr. Sal Calabro.
Today's Fight Week special was over around 10:50am.
Mike Gange In Trouble Over Tape Incident. 08/08/1995. 6:20am
After the break Howard said he tried to go to a movie on Sunday night but he thought that everyone was looking at him so he didn't want to stand in line. He was going to see Waterworld but it just wasn't happening. He said he looks bizarre and he has to get all dolled up to try and fit in. He said that Ralph should get him a hat where he can hide all of that hair of his. He has a ski cap but it looks ridiculous in the middle of summer.
Howard told Robin he laid down on Saturday night to watch the Larry Sanders tape. He said he's given Mike Gange a job to tape all of the shows he wants to watch. If he wants to see something he has Gange take care of that and tape shows that he wants to see. He pays him to do that.
Howard said he turned to his wife on Saturday night and told her that he wanted to watch that show. She then told him that Gange told her that he had given it to Ralph. Howard wondered why Ralph would have it. His wife told him that Gange felt bad for Ralph so he gave him the tape and Ralph would bring it in on Monday.
Howard said he got really pissed when he found all of that out. He said Gange shouldn't have given it to Ralph without checking with his assistant Laura first. Ralph came in to tell him his side of the story but Howard kicked him out.
Howard said he has a solution to all of this and he would give that to Robin in a minute. He told her to sit back and listen to this. He said that Gange gave the tape to Ralph and told him to get it to him on Monday. He said that this guy Gange should be getting smart by now but he's just slow and dim witted.
Howard said he had to get an explanation from Gange about why he would do such a thing to him. He said that Gange basically stole from him and he doesn't understand what he did. He said that Mike things that what he did was up to him when it really wasn't.
Howard said he called Mike on Saturday night and asked him where his tape was. Gange explained what he had done so Howard went off on him and asked why he would do such a thing. Gange came walking in around that time so Howard said that it's time for him to go out and work for someone else. He said that this is not an internship and he needs to use common sense.
Howard said that Ralph is one problem but Gange is a facilitator and he had no right to give away that tape. Gange said he doesn't give a S about that tape so he didn't care if Ralph had it or not. Gange said he thought that Ralph had the right to ask for such a thing from him. He claims that he told Ralph to make sure it was okay with Howard before he took the tape. He assumed that he had done that.
Howard had Ralph come back in and asked him what was going on with him. He said that it wasn't his tape to take so he had no right to do that. Gange said he assumed that Howard would let him give the tape to Ralph if he okayed it with him.
Howard told Gange that he's a dim wit and he was duped by Ralph. He also went off on Ralph about having that tape for three days when he had no right to it. Ralph said he told Gange that he should put all of the shows on one tape and he would set Howard up with a tape that he could watch. Gange said he's trying to be a nice guy to everyone. Howard told him not to bother coming to his house anymore. He said he's done with that job now.
Robin didn't think that Ralph was upset about what he had just done to Gange. Ralph said she doesn't know how he feels about anything. Howard said that Gange got so upset with him that he complained that it was on the verge of harassment. He told Gange that he is not to give anyone anything of his. He said it makes him crazy when things leave his house that he doesn't know about.
Howard continued to go off on Gange and Gange tried to defend himself saying that Ralph duped him. Ralph said he didn't dupe him, he didn't know that Howard hadn't seen that tape yet. Gange said he told Ralph that Howard hadn't seen it yet but Ralph claims he never did.
Howard told Gange that he's now relieved of his duties and doesn't have to come over to his house anymore. Gange said he gets what he did but Howard didn't think he did. He said he doesn't trust him with his stuff anymore.
Howard said Gange didn't like coming out to his house anyway so this should make him happy. Gange said he's not happy over that, he likes his job. Howard said he's told him that he would like his hours to slow down so now he can go and relax. Ralph pointed out that Gange keeps moving farther and farther away from Howard's house too so he must not want that job. Howard said that Gange should go work for his father like his brothers do.
Howard told Gange he could go but he was standing there speechless. He told Robin that he's obviously not into his job and he is a little dim witted. He also said that Gange has asked for less hours so now it's time to say goodbye.
Gange and Ralph argued a little more about their problems with each other. Howard told Gange that he does have his E! job to go to so he shouldn't worry about losing this job. He said he could train someone to replace him in 10 minutes so it's no big loss. He told Gange to go to the beach today instead of coming out to his place. He said he's already hired a monkey to replace him. Gange cracked a joke about it being Gary so Howard told him not to goof on Gary.
Howard continued to complain about what Gange did to him for a while after letting him leave the studio. Robin was piling on top of him and Ralph as well. Howard said he told his assistant Laura that Gange was basically telling them that he couldn't handle the job. He was supposed to have checked with her before doing anything like that.
Fred got in on the goofing when he started doing his impression of Gange interviewing guests in the green room. Howard said that whole thing made him nuts over the weekend. Robin said that she feels that something really bad happened here and Gange didn't realize he was jeopardizing his job with that mistake he made. Howard said that Gange is now fired from that job and he's no longer coming to his house. This is not like all the times that he's fired Gary. He had to go to break after that.
Baba Booey screws up...AGAIN! 2-26-96. Monkey boy has done it again. This weekend Howard got a call from Ralph. Ralph says that he just saw HBO's 'Late Shift,' the movie about late night TV shows that Howard's director, Betty Thomas, directed. Well, Howard asked him how he could have seen it since it hadn't been on HBO yet. Ralph said that Gary had given him Howard's personal copy of it and he made his own copy. Howard freaked on Gary this morning about how he doesn't have the right to give out Howard's personal mail to a moron like Ralph. But it had actually gone to Grillo first! Grillo was the one that gave it to Ralph. We later learned that Gary circulates things like this in the 'inner circle' of Stern Show employees. The 'Inner Circle' consists of people like Stuttering John, Steve Grillo, Jackie, Fred, but not Robin!? Gary walked out of the studio while Howard was yelling at him. He eventually came back and I'm sure he'll never do anything like this again.
Robin Upset With Howard's Lack Of A Birthday Gift. 08/08/1995. 8:15am
Howard told Robin that his wife had gotten Robin a gift and it was a family gift to her. Robin was upset that Howard didn't get her anything himself though. She said that he had nothing to do with it so it wasn't something he thought about giving her. Howard said he and his wife talked about it and they got her this gift of dinner and a show. Robin said it wasn't a gift from him and his name wasn't mentioned when it was given to her.
Howard asked Robin how old she is. She just turned 43 so Howard told her she doesn't look it. Robin was still upset that Howard didn't get her a gift. Howard insisted that he had but she said it wasn't from him. Howard said that she's getting tickets and a night out on the town from his family. Howard told her she was insane and wondered how many times she had been 43 years old.
Robin Still Pissed About Howard's Gift. 08/08/1995. 8:55am
Robin did a story about Anna Nicole Smith's husband dying shortly after she had appeared on their show. She also talked about Larry Hagman who had a tumor removed from his liver. She also had some stories about Michael Jackson and more about the OJ Simpson trial.
After taking a break Howard came back and talked about how he would like to see MTV come out with a 24 hour a day dance channel. He loves watching the dance shows on that channel. He said that they could have shows for different age groups but they have to keep them under the age of 30.
Robin told Howard that she is really bothered by something and she wasn't sure if she should bring it up on the air. She wondered if she could say how she feels and not have it go any further. Howard told her to go ahead and do it. Robin said that she doesn't want to discuss it off the air so she asked Howard to keep it on the air.
Robin told Howard that she hasn't observed her birthday and she's kind of upset about that because she has done so many things for him in the past. She said that she wants to end any fake observance of her birthday now and just drop it.
Howard told Robin that it's not her place to tell someone what her birthday gift is or isn't. He said this shows that she is not cured. He said that he and his wife picked out her gift and that's what happened. Robin isn't happy with that and doesn't think Howard had anything to do with the gift. Howard said that Robin has some nerve telling him she's not happy with the gift. He said that's the gift he was going to give her and if she doesn't want it, he'll take it back.
Howard told Robin there's no difference if he hands her a gift he bought or of his wife bought it. He paid for it, it's from him. Robin still didn't think that he had put any thought into it. Howard said that he once picked out some jewelry for her and she didn't like that either. He told her it was too late now, she's not getting her Cookie Puss ice cream cake.
Howard said that Robin should ask people close to her if those thoughts of hers are healthy. He said that it's really rude to comment on a gift that way. Robin said that this was on her mind all day long and she had to talk about it. She said she's not angry, she just didn't think the gift was thoughtful. Howard said this is some way to thank him on her birthday.
Howard was going to get her something today and give it to her tomorrow but she didn't want him doing that either. Howard was going to take some phone calls but mumbled ''anti-semite'' under his breath. Robin said that wasn't very nice, she's not anti-semitic. She told Howard that if someone confronted her about something like that, she wouldn't call them names and make fun of them like that. Robin realized that she can't discuss things with Howard like she thought she could.
Howard wanted to get some other opinions about this situation but Robin said she doesn't respect Tom Chiusano enough to take his advice. Gary came in and asked Robin if she was for real. She insisted that she was. Howard said he did the best he could with the gift and really put some thought into it. Robin didn't agree. Gary said that some callers are agreeing with Robin and saying that he pawned off the gift giving to his wife.
Gary said that other people on the show didn't even remember it was Robin's birthday today. Howard always remembers. Robin told Howard that if it was a bother to him, he shouldn't get her anything. Howard said he never said it was a bother.
Howard told Robin to give up her gift and he'll go find something else for her. She said she didn't want to do that but said that Howard has not observed her birthday the way she observes his birthday. Robin wouldn't back down and kept going off on him for his lack of thought.
Gary said that some callers think that Robin is going through the change of life so that's why she's acting the way she is. Howard said he's done talking about this and he has plenty to do today so he wanted to move on. Robin wasn't quite done and continued to go off on him.
Fred tried playing Robin's news theme music to get her back into the news but she was still talking about the gift. She told Howard that this was her payback for what he did to her with Clarence Clemens. Howard asked Billy a question during that discussion but he asked not to be brought into the argument.
Robin got back to her news and pretended that nothing had happened. Howard said he promised that he would do better at Christmas time. Howard mentioned that this guy Bobby who was working with Kato Kaelin turns out to be this guy who won a song parody contest they held when they were out in Los Angeles. He said the guy went out there to L.A. with them and ended up staying out there. Howard played his song parody but it was really bad and both he and Robin wondered how he could have won.
The gift thing came up again late in the show when Howard was going off on Martin Sheen for some comments he made about the dropping of the bomb on Hiroshima. He couldn't quite get over that fight that he and Robin had just had. Robin finished up her news so Howard and the guys sang ''Happy Birthday'' to her quickly. Robin said that Fred had sent her a card but it was something that he had scribbled on a piece of white paper. Fred said he did come up with that on his own though.
Gary came in and told Howard they had a great piece of audio and video coming in soon. He said that Ralph and Stuttering John had just had a fist fight in Howard's office. Howard asked what was going on out there. Gary said that they sort of walked away from each other after John played a practical joke on Ralph. Ralph had fallen asleep in the office so John went in and tried to wake him up with a ''Boo.'' Ralph didn't get up right away but eventually threw one of his shoes at John and then the two of them kind of started throwing slaps at one another.
Gary said that they have to bleep the audio because they were throwing out the F-word a lot. He told the guys to come in the studio after that. John came in so Howard asked him why he was waking Ralph up like that. John said he didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Ralph said that he doesn't feel good today and he wondered why John had to be an asshole today. Howard had to ask him to watch his language.
John asked Howard if he would want him to wake Gary up if he had fallen asleep. Howard said it would be different if Gary fell asleep. Gary is working and Ralph was just there hanging out.
John said that he would beat the crap out of Ralph because he's a jerk. He said that he wouldn't have freaked out like Ralph did. He said he just woke Ralph up and didn't do anything bad other than that. John said that there was no reason to get so mad about that.
Ralph said he just didn't feel good and he may have overreacted. He said he was zoning out a little bit and then John came in and did that. He said he probably wouldn't have freaked out if he didn't feel so crappy.
Ralph said he probably could have beat the crap out of John if he wanted to. He was really pissed about being woken up.
John said he doesn't understand where that comes from. Ralph said he was just pissed because he was just zoning out when he woke him up. John said he just woke him up, it's not that big of a deal.
Ralph said he probably couldn't fight that well right now if he was asked to do that. Ralph ended up throwing the F-word out there again when he got upset. Howard told him to watch the language again.
John said that if this is the way things are going to work then he's not going to prank people anymore. Ralph told him to just let Howard run the show the way he wants to and not think that he should have to do stuff like that.
John said that it was actually Tom who told him that Ralph was sleeping in the back office. Ralph said that they should blame Tom then.
Howard told the guys to go out and calm down. He had the tape a short time later. Howard played the clip where John was laughing as he was making loud noises trying to wake Ralph up. John was laughing his ass off until Ralph threw his shoe at him. Then the two of them started cursing each other out. There were constant beeping sounds from the tape as they were cursing. Howard said it was like morse code. He said that tape was as useless as Ralph and John.
Howard said they followed Ralph and John through the halls and they continued to fight. He said that happens when you have people working close together like that.
Howard was wondering where Jackie was because he was reading an article where Jackie was talking about him. Howard asked Jackie not to talk to the press about him. He said that there was an article in The Trentonian where Jackie was getting everything wrong about the show. Jackie didn't even know where the article came from.
Howard read the article where the writer talked about talking to Jackie during a phone interview. Howard said he doesn't do many interviews himself because he doesn't want to have stuff like this happening. Howard said that Jackie is on the phone every day after the show doing these things.
Howard read the article and as he was going through it Jackie was saying that everyone on the show gets f'd with. Jackie was talking about the crap he hears on the show about his wife and things like that. Howard said he doesn't constantly break his balls about his wife. Jackie didn't remember saying that.
Howard had also talked about how Jackie once claimed that he had met his wife when he picked her up hitchhiking. Jackie told Howard that has been a running joke for years. He said he didn't actually meet her that way. Jackie told Howard he met her at a recording studio and they became friends and then she worked with him and they eventually got married.
Howard got back to the article and they claimed that Jackie was just 42. Howard said they must have shaved a few years off his age there. Howard read some more quotes from the guy where he was apparently misquoted. Howard said the guy probably has a tape of the interview so maybe they should get a copy.
Howard read more of Jackie's comments. He was talking about Gilda Radner's visit to the show at WNBC and Howard didn't like what he was reading. Howard said that Jackie shouldn't be giving quotes like that. Howard said he was nice to Gilda Radner and Jackie has to stop talking about the show because he gets stuff like that wrong.
Howard told Jackie that he should be talking about his comedy shows instead of working on the Stern Show. Howard said that Jackie is so wacky that he's willing to talk to anyone and destroy the show. Howard said he's been denying some of the stuff in the article for years and Jackie is just confirming the stories.
Howard said the article goes on and on. He said that the whole thing was about his show and how he bashes guests and does mean stuff to all ethnic groups. Howard asked Jackie to not get him involved from now on. He told him to talk about his theories about jokes or something instead.
Howard told Jackie to talk about anything that he's got going on in his career except for this show. Jackie said he does have some other stuff he could talk about.
Jackie said he's going to tape every interview he does from now on so he can play it back to prove what he said. Howard told him that's a great idea. Robin said that Jackie does record just about everything else so he might as well tape all of that.
Jackie didn't believe that the title of the article was actually ''Jackie is Wacky.'' Howard told him that it absolutely was.
Howard asked Fred if he's ever done an interview like that. He remembered that he actually had and all he said was ''Howard is a genius.'' Howard said that's what Jackie should do.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of Jackie and came up with some other stuff that he could talk about in the interviews he does. They were coming up with a bunch of stuff he could bring up from the show that would make Howard look bad. Howard was also calling Jackie ''Judas the Jokeman'' during that conversation. Howard asked Jackie to stay away from the press as they ended the segment.
Fred quitting!? 4-23-96. It all started off like any other phone call. A guy calls in and says that he saw Fred and Jackie, with their wives, at The Rainbow Room on Saturday night. The Rainbow Room is some kind of fancy restaurant or dance place in New York. The 4 of them were there to celebrate Jackie and Nancy's anniversary.
This caller said that he saw Fred freak out in an argument with his wife Alison. He said that Fred knocked over some drinks and go storming off. Jackie and Nancy didn't see the fight because they were in a different part of the place.
Howard was curious about what had gone on so he started asking Fred what had happened. Fred just said that he got in a fight and thought that if he left he'd be better off. Instead of fighting more and more, Fred just left.
No one wanted to bring up the subject of the fight, especially Fred. Fred kept saying that Howard was going over the line. He was pushing too far in to his personal life. Howard kept on him about it and Fred just got even more mad.
Then Fred's wife called in to yell at the guy that called in and broke the story! Fred even said that today would be his last day because Howard was entertaining this guy on the phone. Howard told him to think about what he was saying. Fred said that he had and today would be his last day.
Then Jackie's wife called in to yell at the guy on the phone. What do these people expect when they go out in public? If you're any type of celebrity or semi-celebrity then anything that you do out in public will be publicized. So I guess we'll have to wait until tomorrow to see if Fred does show up for work. I'll keep you posted.
Robin To Be Displaced For An Hour - WAH! 03/29/06. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: ''I Want Bukkake'' song parody, Tissue Time with Heidi Cortez and Evil Dave Letterman audio clip, ''Artie's Most Favorite Things'' song parody.
Howard started off the show talking about how he had ribs to give away on the show. He said it's the first time he's ever had ribs to give away. He then moved on to talk about getting back into working out and how he managed to screw up his voice doing that. Artie has been working out as well and it's just making him hungry. Howard said that he was feeling good for the past few days. He started to work out gradually and now he's feeling like crap.
Howard said that he was looking right at Evil Dave this morning and it wasn't working out for him. He wanted to hide him from his view. Dave had a couple of jokes for him about Bubba the Love Sponge Show. Robin said that she's been informed that she has to leave her studio so Daniel Carver can sit in there during the roast. Howard said that's for safety reasons and she'll be displaced for about an hour or so. Gary said they don't have an alternative right now so if she has a better suggestion, then she should let them know.
Robin said that she's not thrilled about having Daniel in her office because she has her purse in there. She was pissed at Gary because he didn't tell her until yesterday after the show. Gary said they gave her 24 hours to move her purse. Evil Dave interrupted and said that he heard that Robin was called a cuntface recently, and that's what he calls his own mother.
Robin was very irritated at Gary and kept telling him to shut up. Gary was asking her what else they're supposed to do. She said that today is not the day to ask her what to do, it's too late. Dave interrupted again so Howard told him that maybe he should go into Robin's booth so he doesn't have to look at him. Dave asked Howard to move his nose, he can't see Robin. He was on a roll this morning.
Dave was doing pretty good until he used the name Alexis Smith instead of Alexis Stewart so Howard told him to take a breather. A listener called in and gave Robin a couple of ''Wahs!'' for Robin since she was complaining about the move.
Howard was saying that this roast today will be the final one in his studio. They're going to move the roasts to other places and they may be recording them out in the lobby or in the ''fish bowl'' studio next to the lobby.
Another caller was saying that he's getting the feeling that Robin is acting like she's being moved to the back of the bus or something. Gary chimed in and said that the bus is Howard's bus so Robin should do whatever she's asked to do without complaining. Robin was acting like a baby and making sounds telling Gary that's what he sounds like in her ear. Gary told her that's what she sounds like to the audience.
Howard took another call and that guy asked Robin what her solution was. She said that she could have had more warning about what was going to happen. Gary said he apologized to her yesterday and she's left her studio many times in the past. She was complaining about the audience she was going to have to climb over to get out there. Gary said that they're all in the same situation.
While Gary was talking to Robin, Sal the Stockbroker was in his office in a monkey outfit with a ''Moron'' sign over him. Gary ended up throwing a bunch of stuff at Sal and chased him out of the office. Gary came into the studio and told Howard that it's getting to be a bit much with Sal and Robin this morning. He wasn't looking for a fight today.
John Stamos Calls In To Talk To Stuttering John. 3/3/00. 8:55am
A couple of weeks ago John Stamos was in town and he somehow hooked up with Stuttering John. Stuttering John says that Stamos and Ralph ditched him at a club and he got pissed. Stamos called in and tried to straighten things out. He tried to tell John his side of the story but John had to argue over a lot of the details. Stamos tried to say that he didn't really invite Stuttering John and his 4 or 5 friends. It was Ralph who brought them along. But John says that Stamos did invite him and his friends. Long story short, Stamos admitted that he may have done wrong at the club when he let Stuttering John stand out side with Carrot Top and all of his friends for 45 minutes. Stuttering John still seems to be pissed at Stamos but said he forgives him. Gary pointed out that most of the problems in their stories all have to do with RALPH. John agreed but said that Stamos still could have been a little more courteous. After all of it John said he's forgiven Stamos and would go out with him again.
Howard changed the subject to Barbara Walters at one point to get off of John and John's stupid argument. He yelled about what a horrible journalist Barbara is for kissing Jon Benet Ramsey's parents asses after doing an interview with them. He spent a few minutes yelling and screaming about her before moving on to other things.
Artie Brings In Kennedy Assassination Evidence? 3/9/99. 7:50am
(Edited out) Artie (a Kennedy Assassination conspiracy theorist) asked Howard if he'd be willing to get the image enhanced to see if what he's saying could be true. Howard said that he would do that for him. That comment led to Gary calling Howard a wimp. For some reason Gary thought that Howard only agreed to have the tape enhanced because Howard didn't want Artie to go crazy so he told him he didn't have any balls.
That went on to become a little fight between Howard and Gary that went on for about 10 minutes. Howard said that he's willing to enhance the tape because anything is possible, not because he was afraid of Artie.
Howard told Gary that he thought there might be something in that tape to enhance. He said that just because Gary doesn't think there's nothing there doesn't mean he's not willing to do something with it. Howard said that doesn't make him a wimp like Gary said.
Howard goofed on the way Gary called him a wimp and went off on him a little bit. Howard said he thinks that there was one person who killed Kennedy and that was it. Fred said that he was there at the book depository and it was only 4 floors up so it wasn't that hard to take that shot in his opinion.
Gary told Howard he has no balls when he's not behind the mic. He wanted Howard to get off the air and to take him on off the air. Howard said that he's not afraid of that guy Artie and he wasn't scared of him. He told Gary to get out of there with this big, giant teeth and lips. Gary goofed on Howard about his hair being too long and things like that. Howard told Gary that his face is the size of a balloon and turned off his mic so he couldn't fight back.
Gary went back to his office but Howard kept goofing on him. Gary got on his microphone in the office and continued the fight. They went on for a few more minutes after that.
More Sal Controversy. 04/07/06. 6:20am
Howard said that Sal was complaining about a bit that had been ripped off from the show on The Daily Show. He read the e-mail about that bit and then saw that they got an e-mail from someone claiming to be a fan with the same grammar mistakes that were in Sal's e-mail. He wanted Sal to come clean and admit that it was his e-mail. The line that was in both e-mails was ''...last month we wrote and broadcasted.'' Howard said that no fan would write ''we wrote'' and use the word ''broadcasted'' the exact same way Sal did in his e-mail.
Howard told Sal that he was going to ask him again and he had better come clean. Sal asked to read the e-mail to see who it came from. Howard asked him once again if it was his e-mail. Sal said he has never sent in an e-mail from another account like that and he's not lying to him. Howard told him to liberate himself now and not bull shit him. He asked him why he feels he has to send e-mails to the show like that. Sal insists that he doesn't do that.
Sal said that it had to be some kind of error, he didn't send it in on purpose. Gary came in and held a ''Moron'' sign over his head. Will came in and said that Sal probably cut and pasted the clip from SternFanNetwork in his e-mail because he's done that in the past. He claims that Sal stole the idea for the Wack Pack Revelation show from SFN as well. Sal got pissed when he heard that and started yelling at Will. He told him to get the hell out of there and that he should go get cancer again.
Fred said that he reads the e-mail and told Howard that if you look at both e-mails, you can see that the spellings are the same, the spaces are the same and it was obviously lifted by Sal. Sal said he wasn't denying that he copied that and sent it to them. He still insists that he didn't steal any ideas from SFN.
Will asked Sal where he got the idea for the Mexican Delivery Guy bit they did. Sal said that he came up with that idea even though Will thinks that Dan the Song Parody Man came up with it. Howard told Sal to go back to his cubby and make prank calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he hates Sal and that they should move on. Howard told Sal that it's funny that he's sending in e-mails to the show about his work being ripped off. As Sal was leaving Fred played a ''Sal's a Homo'' song parody. Artie said he never thought about doing anything like that in the 5 years he's been there.
Scott The Engineer's pushup Challenge. 01/07/1998. 6:00am
Howard and the guys talked about how Scott the Engineer hadn't shown up for work this morning. He was supposed to be doing his pushup challenge. Howard and the guys were debating over whether or not Scott would be able to do the 17 pushups he was supposed to do. Robin said she doesn't think that he can do more than 2. Howard pointed out that he had lost 45 pounds in the months that he had been preparing for the event. He figures that since Scott is such a loser, he's going to lose. Howard is sure that he will fail and will not be able to complete the challenge.
Gary said that he was wondering what human would put himself in the situation that Scott did because he'd have to walk down the street naked if he lost. Howard said that guy is a loser and putting up the money they did shouldn't be an issue because they're sure he's going to lose. Howard said it's not a bet of luck, it's Scott betting on his inner-self so he will lose.
Howard said Dominic Barbara called him and said that Scott has set them up and he thinks he's going to be able to do it. No one believes that's the case though. Howard said he has a show to do today and he's not going to spend it all on Scott.
A caller told Howard that Scott will not be able to pull this off today. Howard agreed. Six weeks ago the guy couldn't do 2 pushups so the guy is a mess. Ronnie the Limo Driver and Ralph were in the studio so Howard talked to them about the whole thing. Ronnie said he saw Scott going to the gym with his trainer Radu earlier. Ralph noticed that they had some paramedics standing by out in the hall.
After an edited out break Howard came back to the pushup challenge with song parodies about Scott. Gary said that Scott had just shown up to work and he had a huge entourage of Radu and many other people. He was surrounded by a bunch of people with a really serious look on his face. Stuttering John said Scott isn't even talking to anyone out there.
Gary came in and said that there was a lot of stuff going on out there. Scott is out in the green room circled by his entourage. He's got the serious face on and isn't talking to anyone. He said it's almost like a movie with Radu giving him motivational talks and stuff. Robin said he doesn't need that for a pushup challenge. Gary also said that Radu and Scott's original trainer almost got into a fight after someone accused Scott of using steroids. Howard said he's been in a rage lately and played some tape of him freaking out on Mike Gange recently. He yelled at him to get out of his face after they had played some tape he didn't want played. Howard replayed the clip after Fred did an impression of Scott yelling.
Gary said that their old intern Dean was going to be judging the pushup challenge. After that we heard a Scott the Engineer commercial parody for a play called ''Get outta my face!'' They played another Scott the Engineer song parody after that. The parody had clips of Scott's rampage in it. There was also a ''Scream 3'' commercial parody which included that rampage as well.
Howard said that he and Robin have put up $20,000 of their money and the other guys have put up various amounts of money for Scott and it all adds up to over $31,000. If Scott loses, he owes them some money and has to walk down the street naked.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the type of pushups Scott will be doing are very hard. Howard said Scott is 44 years old and just dropped 45 pounds in 10 weeks so he's not going to be able to do it. Howard took another call from a guy who thinks that Scott can do this and he and his company are willing to put up $50,000 saying that Scott can do it. Howard didn't want to deal with the guy because he wasn't getting to his point, so he hung up on him.
Howard went through the list of guys in the room which included Ronnie, Ralph, Neil Drake and Al Rosenberg (as Mya Angelou). Howard took more phone calls and talked about what was coming up after that. He figured Scott would be out on the street naked within 35 minutes or so. Howard heard that Scott's wife might actually be there but Scott tries to keep her away from them. The guys goofed on her a little bit and did their impressions of her. Gary came back in and told Howard that Scott's wife was not there.
Howard heard that Scott was wearing a t-shirt and the guys were wondering if he was going to remove it. Gary said that Radu doesn't want any talk with Scott, he just wants him to come in and do his thing. Howard said that's not going to happen, the show is a talk show so he has to talk.
Dominic Barbara said he saw Scott and he looks really thin so he thinks he can do this no problem. Radu's partner came in and quickly told Howard they want Scott to just do his pushups. Howard said he has to explain the rules to Scott and he's in charge of this whole thing so he's going to talk if he wants to. Howard said he runs the radio show, not anyone else.
Later in the show Howard and the guys were prepared for this challenge. They had Scott in the studio and he was looking thinner. Howard said he still looks like a loser though. He said Scott was wearing a t-shirt that was acceptable to him. Robin agreed on that. Ralph was calling Scott a loser so Scott lost it and called him a loser and freaked out on him, screaming that he was a faggot. Radu calmed him down and told him not to play the game.
Howard gave Scott the rules about how he had to touch the fist on the floor for the pushup to count. Scott agreed to the rules so they got into the challenge a short time later. Radu was telling Scott that this was it and he was ready to go. They went right into the challenge a few seconds later. Scott went through his pushups with Radu and his guys cheering him on.
After the pushups there was some controversy about whether or not he had completed the challenge. Scott and his entourage thought he had completed it. Howard wanted to know if he actually did do 17 pushups. The judge said that he didn't do it so Scott freaked out on him and told the guys that they'd better pay off. Howard was going to go around the room and ask the rest of the guys if they thought he had done the 17. Dominic said his chest never touched. The judge said that he didn't do the 17 so that's what they were going by.
Scott started yelling at Howard for welching on the bet. He said that the counter said he did 19 pushups. Dominic thought it would be fair to let Scott rest for a little while and then have him do them again. Howard said he asked Dean if he did them or not and he said he didn't. Howard told Dean to go look at the tape and come back with an answer. We heard some Scott song parodies after that.
Howard said some of the guys were telling him to just give Scott the money even if he didn't do what he was supposed to do. Gary said that they were not quality pushups. Howard agreed and said that Doug did some the other day and he did some ''real'' pushups. Howard said there were people yelling out that he had done 17 pushups but they were Scott's entourage. Howard said Tom Chiusano told him that maybe they should just pay him off but he really doesn't want to do that. He wants it to be fair to everyone. Robin said Scott knew what he had to do to win this $30,000 and he didn't come through.
Howard had Scott in the studio and told him what the pushups were supposed to be with his chest touching Dean's fist. Scott said that's what he did but the guys disagreed and said that he didn't do quality pushups. Scott wanted to see Gary do 20 for him so Gary went down to the floor and did a few for him. Scott didn't think they were very good.
Dean came in and told Howard that after he reviewed the tape, he believes that Scott did do the pushups. He said that he floundered after the initial decision but now that he's seen the tape, he's changed his decision. Howard said that Scott is still a loser and he doesn't know if he should go with the initial decision or the changed one. Howard eventually said that he was going to give Scott his money. He had Radu yelling out that he did 17 when he really didn't even do 2. No one could hear because of that.
Gary said that those pushups weren't acceptable and Radu knew it. Howard said if Scott was honorable, he'd admit that they weren't good pushups. Robin asked him to do one real pushup for them to prove he knows what one is. Scott wasn't going to do it.
The E! guys were showing some tape of Scott's pushups and none of the guys thought he was doing them correctly. Howard said he was nowhere near the floor with his chest. Scott bragged that his knees never touched the ground. Dean said he was going to take responsibility for the whole thing but Howard pointed out that he's not the one paying. Everyone else has to pay Scott now. Howard told Scott he didn't do the pushups but he will write the check for ten grand. Robin said she's going to do it as well.
Howard said there were people out on the street waiting to see Scott naked. He told Scott to go take his victory walk and brag about doing his pushups. Scott said he wasn't going to do that.
Various Stuff. 5/11/00. 6:05am
The other day Fred left the show early and didn't let Howard know that he was doing that. This morning Howard asked him why he did that. Fred didn't have a reason for not telling Howard but said he's got something important going on but he can't talk about it. He said it was a mistake not to tell Howard but he sometimes has trouble talking to him. Robin was rambling on about how strange Fred was so he started yelling at her while Howard was talking to him. Jackie pointed out that Howard was talking to Fred but Fred wasn't talking back to him, he was talking to Robin. It was all very weird... Typical Fred. A couple of callers tried to guess what the big deal was with Fred. One guy asked if his wife is pregnant. That wasn't it. He also said it has nothing to do with his marriage and he hasn't changed his name again. The mystery of Fred deepens.
Richard Johnson Calls In To Defend His Writing. 3/13/00. 9:45am
Richard Johnson, editor of the New York Post's Page Six, called in to defend himself against Alec Baldwin's claims from earlier in the morning. He didn't get much time to do that because Alec called in and took over the conversation. Alec went on and on once again about what a horrible article Richard wrote and how poorly it was written. He told Richard that his writing is horrible and that all he does is pass along crap about celebrities. Johnson said that Forbes Magazine was the reason for the recent article. They pointed out 5 charities that were no good and the Baldwin's was one of the 5. Alec said that Forbes didn't interpret their findings correctly and they took the easy way out. Alec continued to rant about how awful the New York Post is and how everyone that works there is a demon. He even called the Post a ''..vile, horrible rag sheet..'' Poor Richard Johnson couldn't get a word in edgewise. Alec just kept talking until he was done and got off the phone. Johnson said just wait until tomorrow to see what he writes about Alec in his article. Nothing came out of this call other than a great fight. Alec's argument sounded good but Richard didn't have a come back for it. Howard seemed to enjoy the fight.
Mr. T Comes In. 7/26/00. 8:50am
The very sweaty and energetic Mr. T came in this morning to promote a TVLand.com Ultimate Fan Search thing that he's part of. He came in very hyper and yelling about how he's thankful to be alive after surviving cancer. He started thanking people that no one has ever heard of and Howard couldn't shut him up. He kept talking over Howard each time he tried to get him to stop the thanks. Howard tried to tell him that it was boring to the audience but he wouldn't listen. After a few minutes he finally changed the subject but not the yelling. He told Howard that his daughter Lisa is getting married and he's giving her a $500,000 wedding gift. How he's doing this no one knows. Mr. T is allegedly broke but somehow he's got $500,000 to give to his daughter. He told Howard that he has made money in his career but none of it is in his name. He said he's got a place in Texas but it's not in his name.
Howard heard that Mr. T's cancer was faked to avoid his creditors who wanted his money. Mr. T said that was a bunch of bull and he has been fighting this T-Cell Lymphoma for 5 years now. He says he's still battling it to this day. Mr. T said that they talked about this the last time he was on and it was over with. Howard was goofing around with Mr. T and T was saying how all of Howard's show is a goof. He said he knows what Howard is up to and even said that he thinks Howard's separation is phony. Howard couldn't convince him that it wasn't a fake.
During the conversation Mr. T had mentioned his mother a couple of times and said that he has always wanted to buy her a house since he was a kid. At one point Howard was trying to question Mr. T about his 83 year old mother but something went wrong. For some reason Mr. T got really upset about the questioning and he went silent for about 3 minutes. He stared at Howard for the whole time and it got so uncomfortable in the studio that Robin almost walked out. Howard tried to get him to talk but he just sat there silent staring down the frightened Howard. Mr. T just wanted to get off that subject but Howard wanted to know more. He'd asked him if his mother was dating anyone and that's when it all went wrong. Howard later said he thinks Mr. T was upset about more than just that line of questioning. It was Gary who came to the rescue. He'd missed the questions but came in to try and iron things out. He eventually got Mr. T to talk by asking him what he's been up to lately. That's when he broke his dead silence and did a little bit of promotion for the TVLand.com thing. He said they're looking for the Ultimate TV fan and he's the ''cyber host'' of the site.
Howard then got Mr. T loosened up again and he was right back to yelling and sweating again. Howard took some goofy phone calls for him and the mood was lightened once again. Mr. T thought that all of the calls were set up but Stuttering John came in and told him that they're real callers. Howard almost got himself in trouble again when he turned things around and started talking about his own mother. He was telling Mr. T not to talk about his mother but then said that he could sleep with his mother if he really wanted to. Mr. T went silent again. It wasn't for long though. He told Howard that he wasn't mad, he just wanted to get off of that subject. He said that if he was pissed Howard would know it because he'd hop over the desk and kick his ass. Howard said that he'd just have to shoot him. T got pissed that Howard threatened him but Howard quickly calmed him down. He stuck around for a little while longer and yelled at some callers who were goofing on him.
This had to be one of the most bizarre interviews in quite a while. Howard and Robin later said that they were both freaked out by the whole thing. Howard said there's nothing like having Mr. T staring you down. He said he felt like a deer being started down by a tiger that was about to pounce.
Today's Fight Week special was over around 12:15pm.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:55am.