Howard started off the show playing a clip from Saturday Night Live where they reported on his call to Michael Powell and goofed on it. He also mentioned that they have Hollyweird Squares coming up on the show today as well as Michael Moore calling in. He said he's got to get on the whole election thing today since it's the day before the election. Howard mentioned that he heard that there were some voting machines sent out somewhere and they were pre-loaded with 2000 votes for Bush or something like that. He said that should be front page news but he's not seeing it anywhere. Robin said she hasn't seen that either. Howard told his listeners that he's got to do this stuff today so if they didn't want to hear it, they should shut off their radios.
Howard mentioned some of the people who would be playing Hollyweird Squares this morning and the fact that Joey Buttafuoco and Nicole Bass would be the contestants playing against each other. He had to take his first break a short time later.
Howard said that back in 1997 Kerry wrote a book called ''The New War'' where he talked about the terrorism going on in the world and how we could have gotten together with our European allies to fight it. He said you have to look at that stuff and Kerry's energy plan among other things before you vote. Howard thought that Kerry wiped the floor with Bush during the debates and it showed how smart Kerry really is. He believes that the guy is an intellectual like John Kennedy was. The guy can think on his feet and think ahead 3 steps, unlike our current President who sat in a grade school classroom for seven minutes while the World Trade Center was being attacked. Howard knows that people are going to get pissed that he's talking politics but he believes that it's something he really needs to do.
Howard got a letter from Beetlejuice's manager Sean who is accusing the E! crew of cutting out Beetlejuice's plugs when he's on the show. Robin Radzinski came in and defended the guys because they do everything they can to leave in the plugs for the JollyDwarf.com web site. Issac from E! came in to talk to Howard because he was one of the guys being accused by Sean. He said that they put the plugs in there but the usual plugs they put in are for appearances Beetle has that day or a couple of days later and they're dated by the time they get on the network. Doug Goodstein also came in and said that Sean has been yelling at them for years about this stuff and they're really not trying to sabotage his business like Sean thinks. They just can't fit in every single minute from his interviews so they have to work with what they can. Howard wanted to get Sean on the line to talk about this stuff. Gary told Howard that he was trying to get a hold of him but he also had an old voice mail from him that made him think that he'd be afraid of him. He said that it was pretty scary.
Howard waited for Sean to call in and talked about how much he hates Halloween. He said that there are people walking around on the streets dressed in costumes and they get really ballsy because they start to think that they're the people they're dressed up like. It gets really annoying. He also talked about taking his parents out to dinner over the weekend and noticed that his mother is having a hard time hearing. His father got hearing said and now it looks like his mother is going to have to do it but she won't want to. His father is 81 years old now and he's starting to look a little frail according to Howard. He said the conversations they have are very formal as well. Howard heard that Sean was unreachable so he told the guys to continue calling all morning. He got back to his father and said that he and his father are able to talk about stuff but they're never going to be buddies. Howard said his mother can't always hear his 11 year old daughter when she speaks so he has to ask her to speak up. He said it almost seems like she's messing with her grandmother.
Howard interrupted that discussion to play the tape of Sean calling in to complain about their plugs and how they always get cut out. Sean was pissed at the guys and he let them know. Howard said that Beet has a great manager because he's really pushing to get those plugs. Doug and Issac said that they like Sean and he's fine 95 percent of the time. They don't know why he gets so pissed at them.
Howard said that his friend Pat went out and got married without having a big wedding. They just went to a town hall and did it instead. Howard figures that Pat's wife must have ''snappin gyro'' or something in bed that made Pat fall for her. Howard still says that he'll never get married himself. He said the only reason to get married is if you want to have kids. He also said that Beth thinks that Artie and Dana are next on the list of people to get married. Artie said ''Really?... Let me know when the wedding is.'' Gary seems to think that it's possible because Artie almost lost her a couple of months ago. Artie said anything is possible but he's got no plans right now. Gary said that Howard is pretty much married already since they are living together. Howard said that it's different though because if they get into a fight, Beth can leave. Gary asked Howard if Beth has access to any of his money via credit cards or anything like that. He said that Beth makes her own money. He does handle paying for vacations and stuff but she has her own money and has a PO box for her mail. Beth tells him that she doesn't want kids and if that changes, she'll leave. Doug Goodstein said that his wife talked to Beth and Beth said something to her about wanting to have kids. Howard told him that she must be hearing things and she needs to clear the crap out of her ears. Howard told Gary to get Beth on the phone so he can ask her about that because he doesn't believe it.
Howard asked Issac to leave the room for the third time because he was making some comments that weren't all that funny. Dominic Barbara called in and told the guys that there is no common law marriage in New York so Howard doesn't have to worry about that. Robin thought that Beth would have an argument for a court case if they ever split up because she has a new lifestyle now that she's dating Howard. Dominic said that doesn't matter and Howard would have to have written something to her telling her that he was going to change her life somehow. Gary came back in and said that he wasn't able to get Beth on the phone. He did have Doug's wife Marlo on the line though. Howard asked her if Beth said she wanted to have kids. Marlo said that she doesn't even remember exactly what she said because she had a couple of drinks in her. She seems to remember that Beth said something about how she was kind of sad that her friends were having kids and that she wouldn't be able to. That's pretty much exactly what Doug told Howard a few minutes earlier. Howard said that he's going to look into that a little more. Robin seems to think that Beth is lying to Howard about not wanting to have kids. Howard wanted Robin to say that she was calling Beth a liar but all she would say is that Beth is lying to him. Howard says that Beth has told him that she will leave him if she decides she wants to have kids and she hasn't left yet.
Marlo was still on the line so Howard spent a short time talking to her. He asked her about what she's doing for a living these days. She's doing event planning. The two of them are talking about having kids eventually as well so Howard asked Doug when she's going to ruin that great body of hers. They didn't get a chance to answer. Howard got back to his relationship with Beth and how he really doesn't have marriage in his future. Artie wondered if Howard ever thought he'd meet someone like Beth after he got divorced. Howard said he did think that he'd get into a relationship because he's a relationship type of guy. Howard did have some fun with a bunch of women after his divorce. That was too much for him though and it was a little too frantic for him. He said that it was a lot of fun but he met a great girl and he likes her. Howard used to say that he wouldn't even have someone live with him but now he's got Beth living at his apartment. Robin still thinks that he'll eventually get married even though he says it'll never happen. Marlo asked if he regrets ever getting married. Howard said he doesn't regret it because he has three great kids and he had a bunch of great years with Alison. He was saying all of this in a monotone though and Doug asked Marlo not to ask any more questions so she hung up after that. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said they have Melrose Larry Green coming in to be on the Hollyweird Squares game. Robin wondered how that happened but all Howard knew was the fact that they were letting him come back on. Gary told Howard that Jeff the Drunk was verbally abusing the Spit Whores upstairs while they were talking about that.
Howard heard that Ronnie the Limo Driver held a Scores party of his own over the weekend. Sal the Stockbroker brought a tape recorder to the party and taped some of what went on. Howard said that Brian Phelan from E! gets really drunk at those parties. A caller distracted Howard for a couple of minutes when he told him that the Los Angeles station had put on the Tom Leykis show instead of his this morning. The show was back on by the time the guy got on the air though. The caller also wanted to talk politics but Howard didn't want to go there at that particular time.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and Howard started going off on him for having a Scores party without him. Howard told him that he's not going to Scores anymore and he's not talking about the place anymore because Ronnie never asked him if he was available. Ronnie has gotten to be buddies with Lonnie now and he's throwing his own parties. Howard is done with all of that now. He said this is the last time he's talking about Scores because of that. Ronnie wondered what his problem is with him. Howard told him that he's not doing the right thing and he has become ScoresMan923 just like his screenname says. Howard said he doesn't want Ronnie going to Scores without him anymore. Ronnie couldn't figure out what Howard's problem was with him. Howard told him that he's got his kid on Friday night and he should know that by now. Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that Ronnie was saying ''F-You'' to the E! show that was on Friday night every time Howard's face came on the screen. Ronnie said that he was saying that to Pat Croce who was on the show that night, not Howard. Howard said that Ronnie didn't bother to ask him about whether or not he was free that night and it pissed him off. Howard said that Ronnie probably didn't even have to pay for the party but Ronnie said he did pay for some stuff himself. Howard says he's going to start going to the Hustler club or the Penthouse club instead now that Ronnie has his thing with Scores.
Ronnie wondered if Howard wanted him out of there or something. Every week he's got a problem with him and he wonders if he has something against him. Howard told him to just do whatever he wants to do. Ronnie ended up leaving the studio. Howard said that he's going to have his own party this week and Ronnie isn't invited. He said that Ronnie has taken full advantage of his relationship with Scores and held his own party. Brian Phelan from E! had come in so he told Howard how great everything was over there at the party. Howard continued to talk about Ronnie not having any limits when it comes to taking advantage of his relationship with Scores.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Ronnie should have held off on the party until he was available. Howard wondered about how Ronnie could have 40 people to the party and not think that he was taking advantage of his association with the club. Howard said that it makes him look bad when he does something like that. There were forty people there at the party but Ronnie said there were some who didn't show up because Howard wasn't there. Howard told the rest of the guys to throw some birthday parties there as well. Howard wanted to get back to Brian but Ronnie wanted Howard to settle their problems before that happened. Howard and Robin both started going off on Ronnie about the party and how he wouldn't have been able to have done that if Howard didn't have a relationship with Scores. Howard tried to explain everything to Ronnie but he ended up walking out of the studio. Howard then demanded an apology from him. Ronnie came back in and Howard went off on him again about how he's throwing another party for someone else at the station. Ronnie said he's just helping them, he's not ''throwing'' the party for them. Howard said that he would never throw a party for 40 people at Scores. He always keeps the numbers down because he feels guilty having that many there. Ronnie said that the people who he invited and didn't show up are not his friends now.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that he didn't show up to the party so he wondered if he wasn't his friend now. Ronnie didn't say. Tom also told Howard that the funny money wasn't flowing like it does when Howard is there. Howard figured that the party must have cost around $250 a head at least. Robin said it had to have been at least a $10,000 party then. Howard thought it was probably more like $100,000. He wanted to play some of the audio that Sal the Stockbroker managed to get there but Ronnie wanted to leave. He said that Howard has a problem with him every Monday morning lately and he doesn't like it. He told Howard he's never going to Scores again so Howard told him ''Hand in your cape ScoresMan...'' Howard didn't even ask him to never go again but if that's what he wanted, then he can stop going. Howard said Ronnie is going to be just ''Man923'' now that he's taking away Scores from his own life. He said that it's like when Superman gave up his powers to be with Lois Lane. He just gave up his powers for no reason.
Howard wanted people to just hear the tape of Brian Phelan at the Scores party. He said that it seems like Brian goes berserk when he goes out ever since he had his kid. Brian was really wasted in the audio clip that Howard played. Robin wondered how much he drank but Brian doesn't remember. Ronnie stayed in and told some stories of his own. He told a story about how he was able to push Big John over himself because John was so drunk. It wasn't much of a story though so Howard and Robin goofed on him about that. Richie Wilson was at the party and Sal was asking him some questions. Sal asked him what he'd like to talk to tell Howard that he's never been able to tell. Richie said that Howard has a lot of guys who hang around him who are douche bags. Richie told Howard that people like Dominic Barbara are real douche bags. Richie Notar was another guy that he mentioned who was kind of a douche bag one time that they were out in Vegas. Howard defended Richie and didn't think that he's a douche bag. Richie told Howard that his buddy Ross is yet another guy who has been a douche bag in the past.
Sal the Stockbroker said that there are stories about Ross having attached himself to Howard after meeting him through Gary. Gary said that's not true and he's not like that. Howard defended his friends and said that he really doesn't surround himself with douche bags like that. Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered if Ronnie could plan his bachelor party out in Vegas. Another caller said that they need to stop with Ronnie already and talk about getting Kerry into office. Howard took a few more phone calls and a couple of guys said that Ronnie should be fired. Howard wished Ronnie a happy birthday since that's what he was celebrating on Friday night. Ronnie sarcastically said that Howard made it real happy. Howard said that Ronnie was the guy who made the big party happen and it appears there's no limit to the amount of people he can have there. Howard kept going, goofing on Ronnie for a few more minutes. He said he doesn't think he'll be able to have his own party at Scores for a while since Ronnie had 40 guys there on Friday night. He has to let them recover for a while before having another party. Howard said he's not going to go there for another 6 months so they can recover. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard wanted to move on to the game. He said that the winner gets a $2,500 prize courtesy of GaydarGirls.com and GaydarGuys.com. The two contestants were ready to play even though they were still bad mouthing each other constantly. Up in the left hand corner was ''Kelly Clarkson'' (High Pitch Erik). ''Kelly'' sang a little bit for them and then Howard moved on to the next square which was rapper Trick Daddy. Next to him were The Spit Whores who are from the porn clips that Howard plays on the show quite often. They get spit in the face by some dude in the clips he plays. The girls talked to Howard about their spitting and how they got into that stuff. One of the girls talked about how passionate it can be when you're really into it and a guy spits in your mouth. One of the girls, Cammie, claims that she dated a 37 year old when she was only 15. The other girl, Nikki, was trying to tell a story but the delay button was hit on her story. You can find out more about the two of them at MeatHoles.com
Comedian Colin Quinn (ColinQuinn.com) was in the next square. His show ''Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn'' was just canceled and the final show airs this week. Howard moved on to Daniel Carver next who was in the center square. Daniel and Howard talked about who he's going to vote for. Daniel said he's voting for Bush. He ended up calling Trick Daddy the N-word a few times while they were talking. They went at each other for a short time before Howard cut them off and moved on to Wendy the Retard. Howard asked Wendy a bunch of questions about having sex with Daniel Carver and stuff and she said ''yes'' to every question he had. Jeff the Drunk was in the next square, down on the bottom. Fred the Elephant Boy was next to him and in the final square was Melrose Larry Green who had been banned from the show for two years. Howard said he hopes he did well or else he'd be banned for another two years.
Nicole Bass started off the game with Daniel Carver. Howard asked him a question about Whites and Blacks murdering each other. Nicole and Daniel got it right when Daniel said that Blacks murder Whites more. Nicole and Joey went at each other again after that before Joey picked his square. Joey went with Colin Quinn. Howard said that Colin has had some gay experiences in his life so he could answer the next question. Howard asked him which Teletubbie Jerry Fallwell found gay. Colin said it was the pink one. Joey disagreed and got it because it was the purple one, Tinkie Winkie. Gary wanted to step out of the studio because Joey and Nicole were making him very uncomfortable. He was afraid that he was going to take a punch from Joey when he went off on Nicole.
Nicole took her second square of ''Kelly Clarkson.'' Howard asked him a question about ''American Idol'' coming from the UK as ''Rock and Roll Idol.'' Nicole got the square when she agreed with ''Kelly'' who thought that was wrong. Joey went with Melrose Larry Green for his next square. He got in a plug for his web site MelroseLarry.com. Howard asked if Melrose was close to Sam Kinison. Larry didn't get a chance to answer and Joey got the answer wrong so Nicole picked the same square. Howard asked him a question and Nicole got it right so she won.
Howard wanted to play another round os Gary said they should be able to come up with some more money. He came back a short time later and said they had another $1000 courtesy of ''Seed of Chucky.'' Howard made sure the rest of the guys were awake for the game. Daniel Carver and Trick Daddy went at each other a little more. The N-word was flying around a bit with Daniel. Melrose Larry was yelling out some stuff himself and Trick Daddy told him to go cut himself to save him some time. Wendy the Retard told Trick Daddy what a big fan of his she is. She was going to try and sing a little bit of his stuff but she drew a blank.
Joey started off the next round with the Spit Whores. Howard asked them a question about how much ''man juice'' a guy will produce in his lifetime. The girls thought it was true a guy produces 7 quarts but it's actually 18 quarts. Joey got the square when he disagreed with them. Nicole was next up and told Howard that she wants to punch Joey in the face but she's being very respectful of Howard. Joey and Nicole went at each other again for a few seconds until Nicole picked Colin Quinn for the next square. Howard asked Colin a question about how many people are walking around with clogged colons. Colin said it was true that 90 percent of people out there have clogged colons. Nicole got the square. Joey was up again and picked ''Kelly Clarkson'' for his next square. He was asked a question about when your balls stick to your legs being called ''chicken wings.'' Kelly got it wrong and Joey agreed with him so Nicole got the square. She picked Trick Daddy even though she could have won with someone else. She wanted to keep the game going. Howard asked Trick Daddy what kind of gun was found on Puff Daddy a few years ago. He thought it was an AK 47 but it was actually a 9MM. Nicole didn't get the square. Joey was up once again so he picked Melrose Larry Green. Howard asked him a question about Benedict Arnold since he's a traitor himself. He was asked what country he was sent to when he was exiled. Melrose got it wrong but Joey got the square when he disagreed with him. Nicole picked Wendy the Retard next. Wendy was asked who's smarter, an idiot or a moron? She said that a moron is smarter. Nicole disagreed but she was wrong so Joey got the square. Joey went with Wendy the Retard for the win. She was asked whether there were more female or male retards out there. Wendy said it's male, Joey agreed. Joey made the right decision and won the $1000.
Howard gave everyone their plugs after the game was over. He talked to Trick Daddy and gave him a plug for his CD ''Thug Matrimony: Married to the Streets.'' He talked to the Spit Whores and found out that one of their fathers is a minister. Cammie's web site is actually KamiLand.com, not the other site that Howard had plugged earlier. He talked to Colin Quinn and gave him another plug for his web site ColinQuinn.com. Daniel Carver got in a plug for his KKK catalog that you can get by sending a $3 to Box 446, Oakwood, Georgia, 30566. Daniel and Trick Daddy went at each other a little more. Daniel pulled out one of his latest bumper stickers that said the only thing lower than a nig*** are the ignorant white women who hang out with them. The Spit Whores said that it's not their fault that their penises are bigger.
Wendy the Retard got in a plug for her web site that's not up yet. She said they're working on it right now and it will be called RadioWendy.com. Howard gave Fred the Elephant Boy a plug and then asked Jeff the Drunk a couple of drinking questions since they didn't get to them earlier. Jeff asked Howard if he could sit in for the news but Howard told him ''no.'' Howard gave Melrose a plug and then gave one to Joey Buttafuoco who has a web site at TheRealJoey.com. Nicole Bass has a site at NicoleBass.com and she does phone sex through the site now. Howard tried to wrap things up but everyone was out of control just asking question and talking. He eventually thanked everyone for coming in and went to commercial break.
Howard wondered what Moore thinks will happen with the election. He wanted to know who he thinks will really win. Moore said that if the people come out and vote, Kerry will win and will win by a landslide. He said he really doesn't feel that Bush is going to win. Howard gave him a plug for his book ''The Official Fahrenheit 9/11 Reader'' and wrapped up the segment a short time later. Scott DePace was in the studio while the call was going on but Howard didn't let him get in a word so he walked out looking dejected according to Robin. Howard spent a few more minutes on the subject talking about how he really believes that if Bush is reelected, it won't be good for the world.
Robin told Howard that she went upstairs after the Hollyweird Squares thing. She saw a lot going on up there and the Spit Whores were letting Sal the Stockbroker spit on them. The girls wanted Colin to spit on them but Colin refused saying that he'd be just like all of the other guys. Gary came in and told Howard that Sal has been doing things lately that he just shouldn't be doing. He's spitting on guests and last week he went in and told Sandy Taylor that he used to pleasure himself to her image years ago. Howard said that Sal really does have to stop with that stuff. He likes him working there but he's got to control himself. Robin and Gary were also talking about how Colin Quinn thought it was great to have been able to work with all of the people he worked with today.
Gary brought up Ronnie the Limo Driver and how he really thinks that Howard hates him after this morning's fight. The guys are all surprised that Ronnie still has that limo that Howard hates so much. Howard said that he really does have to get rid of that thing and get a normal one. Gary got Howard talking about the election a little more and about the war in Iraq. Scott DePace came in after Fred was goofing on him. Scott was defending George W. but Howard didn't want to get into it with him so he went to commercial break.
A listener called in and complained about Howard complaining on the air about all of these things like Ronnie's Scores party and the limo Ronnie bought. He thinks that Howard is a millionaire and he shouldn't complain about stuff like that. Howard explained his thoughts on the whole Scores thing and how it seems that Ronnie is taking advantage of his relationship with Scores and that's why he went off on him this morning. Ronnie came in a short time later and said that he will not go to Scores anymore and he will also get rid of his Limo. He wanted to settle things once and for all and that's what he came up with. Howard said that was fine and if that's what he wanted to do, that was fine.
Howard said he has a friend who went to Scores on Friday night, not knowing about Ronnie's party. He asked to go into the Champagne room and was told there was a ''Howard Stern Party'' going on and he couldn't go in there. Howard said that's why he's upset about this whole thing. He wasn't even there but people thought the party was his party. Howard couldn't get through to the caller when he tried to explain to him his thoughts on the whole thing. Howard said that he doesn't see guys like Fred holding parties at Scores. Fred said he doesn't really have a relationship with Lonnie like Ronnie might. Howard had Robin get to her news after that. They wrapped up the show around 10:45 this morning.
Howard started off the show playing Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard making phone calls to people asking them who they're going to vote for and what they think about what's going on in Iraq. Howard then welcomed everyone to Election Day and said that he had a busy day today. He wasn't able to tell everyone who was on because his computer was down... or Lotus Notes was down and he wasn't able to print the stuff out. Gary came in to tell Howard that they were writing it down for him. Fred played the Baba Booey Star Wars Theme song music and that got Howard talking about how he can't keep a straight face when watching the old Star Wars movies. Artie thought it would be funny if they could put that theme song in the actual movie and have a screening so they hear it each time the Empire's theme music comes on.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Howard about his time serving over in Iraq and how many friends of his he lost over there. He and Howard talked about how wrong Bush was for going into Iraq for the wrong reasons. Howard also talked about what he's seen as far as the voting today and how he wants to see everyone out there voting. He wants to see blacks out voting because that's what their ancestors fought for.
Howard said the whole election thing is weird because they need to have international inspectors come in and watch over the election because it's so messed up. Another phone caller asked Howard what the odds are on the election. Howard didn't know but he asked the guys in the back office to check. Howard doesn't know what's going to happen but he's hoping that everyone is going to go out and vote. Howard told the caller that he's throwing a keg party to get his friends to go out and vote. Howard said that Ralph Nader is supposed to call in later in the show and Howard is going to go off on the guy. He said he has a lot of stuff to talk about with him. The guys in back told Howard that Bush is favored in the Las Vegas odds. Artie said that he's just favored by a little bit though.
Howard said he was surprised that the NY Daily News endorsed President Bush. He and Robin thought that they were on Kerry's side after all of the stuff that they've reported. The NY Post was no surprise because they've been bashing Kerry a lot. They talked about that for a short time before a woman called in and said that she was waiting on line somewhere in Ohio to vote for Kerry. Howard asked everyone who can vote, to go out and vote today.
Howard said he saw Julia Roberts on Oprah's show and pregnancy hasn't been good to her. He said that Oprah looked 50 times better than Julia. He talked about how, in nature, women's looks are drained once they get pregnant so they won't be desirable to other men. He seems to really believe that after seeing Julia.
Howard started the Brian Phelan Drunk Game. Sal asked Brian, while he was really drunk at Scores, to spell fellatio. He spelled it ''FALICHEO.'' Sal then asked him ''What is the chemical symbol for water?'' Brian and Sal had come in to listen to the game. Brian said he doesn't even remember the question from that night. He was drinking tons of shots that night and he doesn't remember much of anything because they all hit him at once. Brian actually did know the correct answer of ''H2O.'' Brian was asked ''A baby goat is known as what?'' after that question. Brian answered ''Billy.'' Sal asked him to spell ''Inebriated.'' Brian spelled it ''ANEBRIATED.'' He was asked a couple more so here they are:
Sal was telling a story about seeing Howard and Beth at a party one night and the two of them were just making out like 14 year olds. He was wondering if he wants to be left alone at parties like that or if he wants to hang with other people. Howard said that he goes to parties to hang out with people. Chaunce Hayden called in and said that he got to hang out with Howard a couple of times and it's really not that interesting. He told the guys that they might be let down if they actually did get to hang out with Howard because it's not all that interesting. Howard told Chaunce that he's not out to entertain a guy like him. Chaunce said he thinks that the guys would think that it's more interesting and exciting than it really is. Howard doesn't want to hang out with guys who are looking for something exciting to happen. Howard doesn't hang with people like him because they're just fans and they want something exciting to happen. Howard said he really isn't that interesting.
Howard said that he went out with his buddy Pat one night and two women came up to them and took their shirts off. That doesn't happen all the time though. Chaunce was talking about the lunch he's had with Howard but Howard said that he didn't hang out with him, he just saw him there at the restaurant and asked him to come over and say hello. Chaunce said it was weird because Howard kept asking him about his boat which was very odd to him. Chaunce also said that Howard was rubbing his leg and arm the time he hung out with him and had a few drinks. Howard told him he's a weirdo and ended up hanging up on him.
Howard got back to the Scores tapes that Sal got. He had a clip of Jason talking about some of the people on the show who he thinks are ass kissers and scumbags. He was pretty drunk at the time and told Howard that he can't even remember that night. Artie was goofing on Jason's voice since it sounded so high in that tape. That led to the guys talking about the pictures they have on Howard's web site today. They had a ton of pictures from the Hollyweird Squares game. They were talking about the Spit Whores, Nicole Bass and some of the other pictures they had on there. Howard had to take another break a short time later.
Roseanne said she's never met John Kerry, she just knows that this is something she needs to do. She went to Salt Lake City and enjoyed it because that's where she grew up. The students there wanted to hear from both sides and she was proud of them to want to do that even though there were a lot of people who wanted to stop them from appearing there.
Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard that Roseanne didn't even know about 9/11 until 9/13. Roseanne said that she had decided that week to stop taking phone calls and watching TV at the time and didn't talk to anyone for a couple of days. She decided to turn the TV on that day and when she turned it on, she was blown away when she had seen what happened. She learned that you can't unplug yourself from the rest of the world like that.
Howard asked Roseanne to answer the most important question of the day.. who she's sleeping with. She said she has a great boyfriend right now but didn't get into it anymore than that. Roseanne said that the next time she calls in she hopes to be able to say bad words and stuff. Howard told her to call in when he makes his move over to satellite and she'll be able to do that. Howard let her go a short time later.
Kelly says she averages about $150 a session for sex. Howard thought that sounded a little low but she said that's just an average. She claims that she's attractive and has been told she looks a little bit like Susan Sarandon. Artie said a 32 year old Susan Sarandon might be pretty good looking. She told them that she's about 5'6'' tall and weighs about 117 pounds so she must be in pretty good shape. Howard thanked her for doing what she's doing for the Kerry campaign out there.
Howard gave his thoughts on John Kerry and why he's going to be voting for him today. He said that he would have gone off on Nader if he had called in today. He figures that his people must have heard what he was going to talk to him about earlier in the morning and canceled the appearance.
Howard was given some Las Vegas odds for the election but he didn't want to figure out the mess of odds on the piece of paper. Artie, who loses when he bets, said that he's going to vote for Bush in this election. That should pretty much seal the deal for him to lose.
Howard said that he really wants to see the death of Clear Channel but they're doing some really sneaky things. He said that they're going by other names instead of Clear Channel for their concert venues and events. They're using names like Ron Delzner and Billy Graham in certain markets. It's tough to avoid working with them when they do scumbag moves like that. Howard just wanted to warn people about that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who was on the show a few months ago talking about Stem Cell Research and just wanted to remind people that Bush is against that stuff. Howard ended up goofing on Bush and Cheney for a couple of minutes after that. They were making up stuff about them as some dramatic music played in the background. Howard is glad that they'll be done with all of this stuff after today. He's worried about the weather and how it's going to keep some people away from voting.
The guys talked about how crazy the show was with the Hollyweird Squares thing yesterday. Howard heard that Colin Quinn hung around until the end of the show yesterday. Sal the Stockbroker was spitting on one of the Spit Whores yesterday. Jason came in and said that Sal is freaking out because he didn't want this to get out on the air. Now his wife might find out about it and get pissed at him. Howard doesn't get what Sal gets out of doing something like that. Artie said that it's just pure anger, it's not sexual. Howard had to take another break but he had a lot more to get to after that.
Howard had this guy Steve Brozak on the phone because he's running for office against Mike Ferguson in New Jersey, 7th congressional district (Northern Middlesex, Union, Somerset and Hunterdon counties). Howard talked to hi about his time in the military and how he changed from Republican to Democrat because he saw what was going on over in Iraq. Steve said that he volunteered to go back in the reserves after 9/11 since his offices were just 3 blocks from the World Trade Center. He saw that we didn't do things right in Afghanistan and Iraq and Bush has blown it. He said it's time to do something now.
Steve says that if people vote for his opponent, they're voting for a mini-Bush because the guy has a 92 percent voting record with Bush. He also claims that when the draft does come around, the first people to be drafted will probably be doctors. He doesn't believe that there will be no draft as Bush has claimed. You can find out more about this stuff at SteveBrozakForCongress.com. The guys were talking about how unprotected our troops are over in Iraq, even with the vehicles they're driving. They spent a few minutes talking about that before Howard let Steve go. They both encouraged everyone to go out and vote today of course.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who claimed to have been over in Iraq. He said he was on the front line over there and asked that people vote for John Kerry. He saw what went on over there and he doesn't think that Bush is doing the right thing. Captain Janks called back in and said that he talked to some of the people at the place he voted and there were a bunch of guys who were there because of what Howard has been saying on the air. He thinks that Howard is going to have a major impact on the election. Another guy called in and told Howard that he hasn't voted in years but he's going to vote this time because of him. There were other phone callers who felt the same way. One guy said that he's never voted before but Bush is such a scumbag that he has to vote Kerry. Howard made sure to tell his fans that he's going to back off of the political stuff after today because he knows that a lot of people don't like it. With that being said, he went on to talk about how many billions of dollars have been spent over in Iraq already and how it could have been spent on so many other things. He was talking about how Bush has lied to everyone already. It's not going to stop if he's not taken out of office.
Howard took another call from a guy in the Military who said that he wants people to vote Kerry. He has 18 days left in the service and he wants out because there's a chance that Bush could be reelected. He doesn't want to go back to Iraq and that's why he wants people to vote for Kerry.
Doug Goodstein called in and told Howard that he had just placed his vote for Kerry but there was a flaw. When he went in to vote, he wasn't asked for ID and he saw a bunch of other people doing the same thing. He saw about 4 names on the list that he could have used to vote four more times. Howard was wondering why Doug wasn't at work this morning. Howard said he's going to go out and vote this afternoon, after the show. Doug didn't really have an explanation for that, he thought it was more important to vote for Kerry than it was to come into work right away.
Another phone caller told Howard that he wasn't going to vote today because he didn't want to vote for the lesser of two evils. Howard said that's not what he'd be doing. He'd be doing him a favor it he voted for Kerry today. The caller didn't listen to what Howard was saying and he seems to think that John Kerry could bring the whole country down the tubes. He believes that Bush could do the same thing but Kerry is just as much of a risk in his opinion. King of All Blacks called in after that and said there were tons of young, black kids in line when he went to vote. He said he's never seen something like that and it was like they were standing in line for a concert or something. Before he got off the line he told Howard a riddle. He asked him ''What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?'' Howard said there are a lot of differences but King told him that he's supposed to just say that he doesn't know. He gave the punch line and it was pretty lame. It was ''One will make your whole day and the other will make your hole weak.'' No one was laughing. Howard went right to commercial break a few seconds later.
Ron told Howard that he is for embryonic stem cell research, not just because his father had Alzheimers. He said that Alzheimers isn't at the top of the list for research but research for spinal cord repair and stuff like that is right up there. He said that we're still 5 or 10 years away from any major finds though. Howard also pointed out that if Bush is against it because of what the bible says, he should have his wife covering her face like the bible says as well. He can't pick and choose what he wants to out of the bible.
Howard asked Ron about the rest of his family after that. Ron said that his brother is probably going to vote for Bush but he doesn't have a problem with that. He said they have agreed to disagree on certain things. Ron told Howard that he doesn't know if his father would have been pro-stem cell research. Howard said he felt that his father was a free thinker though and he might have been for it. The guys talked about Florida and how everyone should still be worried about what goes on down there because it could get screwed up just like it did four years ago.
Howard gave Ron a plug for an appearance he was making today but Ron had to correct him on the ''Ron Reagan Jr.'' thing. He said that he's not a Jr. and he's never been one. He has a different middle name than his father did. A phone caller told Ron that he really is a stand up guy and he's really scared about what might happen if Bush gets reelected. Ron said that he's scared for the guy who said he was 24 years old. He said that people that age could end up being forced to go to someplace ''sandy and hot'' within the next few years if Bush is reelected. Ron also reminded everyone that Osama bin Laden is still out there and Bush doesn't seem to be doing anything about that.
Howard wondered if Ron was thinking of running for office anywhere. Ron said he doesn't want to do that and he can't see that happening. He said that he works for MSNBC right now and that's enough for him. Howard asked Ron about the way Dick Cheney treated his mother at his father's funeral. Ron thought it was kind of odd. They also talked about Alzheimers a little bit more. Another phone caller got through and said that Ron's father took away quite a bit of stuff from the middle class when he was in office. He then started going off on Robin about some comments she made about the Vietnam war. Howard had to bail out on the call a short time later. He spent a few more minutes talking to Ron about his family and some other stuff. He wondered if Ron saw his sister's layout in Playboy. He said that he did see them but didn't spend a lot of time looking at them. Howard said if his sister was in the magazine, he'd have to look. He wouldn't pleasure himself to it or anything like that but he would have to look. Ron said he thinks he spent about 5 seconds looking at it and he wasn't all that shocked by it. Howard took a phone call from a guy who talked about how he lost out on a year of his child's life because he had to go over to Iraq for no good reason. Howard spent a minute on that and then took a commercial break. Ron will be part of MSNBC's election coverage tonight from 6pm to 3am.
Some people thought Howard was being a little rough on Ronnie the Limo Driver yesterday. Ronnie ended up coming in and told Howard he never used his name at Scores to set up that party. Howard said that Lonnie would never throw those parties over there if he didn't have a relationship with them. Ronnie couldn't understand how he had used Scores like Howard thought he was. Ronnie said it'll never happen again though and he's never going to the club again. Howard said he didn't ask him to never go there again, that was something that he decided on his own. Ronnie said he really doesn't care either way and Howard thinks that he's holding it over his head. Ronnie also said that he has a problem with Sal the Stockbroker who is upset that he's not talking to him. He said that Sal didn't go near any of the girls there at the club because he's so afraid of what his wife will say. Sal came in a short time later and tried to defend himself but ended up fighting Howard's fight for him instead. Sal also said that Ronnie approved of him taping the guys there at the party and he was upset with him for no reason. Ronnie was upset that Sal went there and tape recorded people there even though it was Howard's idea. Ronnie said that Sal should have come there to just have a good time, not to tape the guys.
Sal asked Ronnie if he gave Scores any money after the party that night. Ronnie said it was none of his business but Sal said he's probably lying and didn't give them any money. Sal was goofing on Ronnie but he came right back at him and showed just how angry he is. Ronnie said he tried to be nice from Sal from the first day but he turned on him and stabbed him in the back, just like Stuttering John would do. Sal told Ronnie that once Howard leaves him, no one is going to show up to his parties. The only things the guys cared about were the food and the women. They weren't there for Ronnie. Ronnie told Sal that he was gay for going to a strip club and not getting any lap dances.
Doug Goodstein called in and said that he saw Ronnie pay thousands of dollars last year for the party he had at Scores. Ronnie said that he does pay, but it might not be the full amount that someone else would pay. Sal still didn't believe it though and said that he's still taking advantage of the situation. Dominic Barbara called in and said that Sal is over the line with that stuff. Sal ended up calling Dominic ''fatso'' so Dominic brought up some of Sal's history and said that he should have been indicted. Sal and Ronnie started arguing and talking over each other so Howard had to turn their microphones down. Dominic thought the whole thing was getting out of hand and Sal was out of control.
Gary came in and said that the two of them had to be separated out in the hallway because they were about to fight. He said the whole thing was really weird. Sal still didn't know why Ronnie was mad at him. He said he didn't have a problem with him before all of this stuff. Ronnie was running out of the studio so Howard asked him to come back in. Ronnie said he's done with that stuff and refused to accept Sal's apology. Sal didn't even know what he was apologizing for. Ronnie said he was upset about the whole tape recorder thing. Howard said it was his idea, not Sal's but Ronnie thought it had grown larger than that and it wasn't only that stuff that was pissing him off. He didn't like this racist comment that Sal made to him during their arguing. Gary asked Ronnie why he was upset with him as well. Ronnie was kind of upset that Gary didn't come to his party but Gary had other plans that night. He also thought that one of the reasons he didn't come was because he didn't like him. Gary said that had nothing to do with it though. Robin said she thinks there's something else going on there but she can't figure out what it is. Howard asked him if he's upset that Sal is a real Italian. Ronnie said that must be it. Howard had to wrap up the fight after Wayne Siegel tried to help out by telling Ronnie how much fun they had there at the party that night.
Double A called in and told Howard that he's never voted in his 34 years on Earth and today was the first time he did. He voted for Kerry for his bro Howard. Howard had Robin start her news a short time later. He said that he warned people that he was going to get very political today and that's just what they did. Tomorrow he's got some very disturbing things to talk about tomorrow. He said not everyone is playing so nice when it comes to him making his move to Sirius and he'll talk about that tomorrow. He said he'll also be getting back to talking about penis tomorrow so Fred threw in some audio of Robin saying ''Penis, penis, penis, I want my penis.'' He played that a bunch of times until Robin told him it was enough already.
During the news Vinnie Favale called in and said he just got back from voting and it was depressing because no one was checking ID so anyone can go in and use someone else's name to vote. Sean the White Rapper called in and said that he doesn't always agree with everything on the show, he is voting for Kerry this morning. He was unusually calm as he talked to Howard this morning. Howard told him he was doing the right thing and had Robin get back to her news. There were more political discussions during the news. Gary came in and said they found an article about voting machines that were pre-loaded with votes for President Bush. Howard can't believe that's going on. He said it makes him mistrust everything going on and he's starting to believe in some of the conspiracy theories that people have. He encouraged people to get out and vote but now he's thinking it doesn't matter. One woman called in later and said that she used to work at a polling place where they'd take the list of people they had and anyone who didn't show up, they'd use their names to vote the way they wanted to. This was going on down in Philadelphia. Howard said that he'll be able to go on, no matter who wins. Robin said she's not so sure she can do that if Bush wins. They wrapped up the show around 10:35am.
Howard started off the show talking about the election results. He tried to stay up last night but he knew it was going to just keep going on and on. He went to bed around 9 last night and woke up around 12. At first Bush was being called the winner but at midnight he heard that Kerry was in a dead heat with him. Robin seems to think that Bush won after hearing Fox news reporting that he was in the lead.
Howard said he made the mistake of giving Cabbie his phone number and he got a call from him last night telling him ''F*** you! I voted for Bush!'' Howard said he doesn't care because he's not running, he's just been giving his opinion lately. Howard talked about how in come places they still count with punch cards and he can't imagine how they get those things counted so fast. The guys said that they probably don't count them. Howard and Robin continued to talk about the election for a couple of minutes and Robin was still saying that she thinks Bush is going to be the winner. Howard said that it's not over yet though and he's hoping that Kerry manages to squeak it out somehow. Artie wondered how Indiana and Illinois can be so completely different when it comes to voting. One is blatantly Republican and the other is Democrat. No one was sure about that.
Howard said that if Bush wins it's good for him. He's going to satellite radio already so the FCC thing won't matter. He said that he'd be on all over the country if it wasn't for the FCC. Howard said that Les Moonves at Viacom said that it's good that Howard is leaving because he was getting very expensive for the company. He said that it's all good for him now because Viacom will be happy and he'll be able to do what he wants. He said that Bush's administration is going to screw up this company by making abortion illegal and by screwing up the radio industry by coming out with more and more restrictions. That will force people to satellite to get the entertainment they want. Howard said that he read some stuff that Les said about his show getting too expensive. He said something about how expensive Howard was going to get if they signed him to a new contract. Howard said he's been paying them every time he gets a new affiliate so he doesn't know what that's about.
Howard said that he's going to remain a citizen of this country and just gave his opinion on what was going on in the Bush administration. He thought that if Kerry had showed up to do an interview with him on ABC TV, it would have helped him out in his run for President. A phone caller asked Howard how he thinks he could influence the country when it comes to voting. Howard told the guy that he thought he could influence it and some people actually did listen to him. The caller said that's the problem with the Jews, they all think they can get people to go their way. Howard had to hang up on him over that. Another caller told Howard that he's been throwing out so many half truths... Howard denied that and asked the guy to name 3. One thing he brought up was the voting system and how Howard wants a unified system. Howard said that they could pass laws to get a standard voting system. That's not a half truth. The guy didn't come up with any so Howard hung up on him.
Howard took another call from a black guy in Ohio who said that the lines were so long that they were handing out paper ballots to people. He doesn't think that those votes are counted. Howard said that they were trying to shut down the lines at the polls yesterday even though there were still long lines at the polling places. Howard also said that a bunch of people told him that they weren't checked for ID and were just allowed to go vote. Gary came in and told Howard that his buddy Ross went to vote and his last name starts with a Z. There was a computer problem and there were no Z's on the list. They ended up giving him a paper ballot instead. They don't think that those votes are even counted. It's not hard to just throw that box off a cliff somewhere. Gary also said that things weren't looking good for Kerry at this point. They were still counting votes but everyone knows that Bush wants to come out and declare that he's a winner. Howard wants Kerry to come out and declare himself the winner and just move into the White House. It worked for Bush in the last election.
Another phone caller told Howard that he should just get over all of this stuff and stop bashing Bush. Howard told the guy not to lecture him about what he does on his show. He ended up hanging up on him as well. Artie pointed out that the election wasn't even over and the guy was telling Howard to get over it. He said that he wasn't spending that much time on the political stuff anyway. Howard took another call and the guy told him that he went out and voted because of him. Another caller said that this whole thing is good for him because he can't hear the show in the area he lives in. Now that Howard is making his move to satellite, he'll be able to listen in Atlanta. Howard talked about how he's tried to get on a station in Atlanta but it never happened. He knew it would be big down there but the company didn't make it happen. Satellite isn't big right now but it will be some day. Howard also said that the new indecency law will probably be signed into effect within the next month and that's going to ruin radio. He's getting out because of stuff like that. Howard said he's not saying anything once that bill gets passed.
Howard said he's going to hold off on talking about the problems he has there at his company. Yesterday he said he was going to talk about them but he's been advised not to do so at this time. He's going to hold off on that for a few days. He had to take his first commercial break after that.
Howard read through some of the election results and saw that Steve Brozak, who called in yesterday, didn't win in his run for congress. He also read some statistics about 18-24 year olds not going out to vote. They said that only 1 in 10 actually went out and voted. Howard said they can't bitch and complain when they get drafted if they didn't go out and vote.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he encouraged her to vote. She said that she lives in Ohio and she's annoyed her whole family so much that they probably don't want to hear it anymore. Howard had to hang up on her because she started to ramble a bit too much.
Howard gave his girlfriend a plug for an appearance she's making today at the Garden City Hotel where she'll be modeling some outfits to help the North Shore Animal League get some pets adopted. Artie offered to give the next Democratic Presidential candidate some advice. He said that there are some people in Hollywood who just shouldn't be backing these guys. He said he saw Ashton Kutcher talking about why people should vote for Kerry and it almost made him want to vote for Bush. Howard agreed with him and said that it happens with a lot of celebrities and it turns some people off. He talked about how big of a deal it becomes when these celebrities come out and back someone. Artie said that he really hates Ashton Kutcher with a passion and it really annoys him that he's out there campaigning. Howard said someone wrote him yesterday and said that because Roseanne called in backing Kerry, he was going go vote for Bush. Artie seems to think that people like Ashton Kutcher and Bill Maher turned so many people off that it changed the election.
Scott DePace came in and said that Bush is not getting rid of abortion and there will be no draft. Howard disagrees with him and believes there will be a draft. Scott said that they can get more people to join the armed forces by ''sweetening the pot'' and getting more people to join. Howard and Scott went back and forth with each other over the FCC stuff and the other stuff for a short time. Scott doesn't believe that Bush's administration has anything to do with what the FCC is doing. Howard said that it doesn't matter because this whole thing is going to be good for him when he moves to satellite. Robin said that she doesn't want to live in a religious country and she may just move out.
Chaunce Hayden called in and asked Howard if his kids are on a bus to Canada yet. Howard said they should be because he doesn't want them to be drafted. Chaunce went on to tell Howard about going to a Jon Stewart party last night. He said the guy knows how to throw a party. He had a lot of celebrities there and Mean Suvari was one of them. He said that she was really hot in person even though she doesn't look that good on film. Chaunce said that Ethan Hawke was there and someone asked him to take a picture with him. He didn't want to take pictures and would only give hugs. Howard wondered who needs a picture with him anyway. Carson Daly was there as well so Howard joked that the guy never goes out, he's like a recluse. The guy will show up to any party where there's poon tang according to Howard. He said that he's probably ''getting his candle wick dipped every night.''
Howard said that Chaunce offered to write for his web site so Howard is thinking of letting him do that. Robin said that if they don't want the facts, they should let him do that. Gary said that he got a call from Hustler yesterday and they want him to write an article about having sex with amputees. Artie did his Larry Flynt impression and told Chaunce that he's really not creepy, he's ''erotic'' because he likes to have sex with amputees. Chaunce said that he demanded a ridiculous amount of money to write the story and they apparently came up with it. He couldn't believe they were willing to do that. Howard asked Chaunce if he'd be willing to have his picture taken with some paraplegics. Chaunce said that would be going a little too far. Artie's Larry Flynt impression wasn't as good as it has been in the past so Howard asked him to work on it. Artie said that he goes in and out of impressions. He needs to hear Flynt speak again to get it down. He tried it again and worked on getting it to sound a little better.
Chaunce told Howard that after the Amputee pageant last week, they took pictures of the winner with the crown on her head. Then they demanded it back saying that it was the same one they used for the Harlem Ho pageant and they need it for future contests. Howard talked about how little budget they have there and how they can't even give people food to eat when they come in. They talked about the days when Jackie used to load up his bag with Poland Spring water to take it home.
Ralph called in and said that on the news they're saying that Bush is the winner now. Howard got an e-mail from Sam Simon who thought that it was going to be a landslide win for Kerry but it just showed how out of touch the guy is. Howard said he knew that when the Janet Jackson thing happened he knew he was going to have to make his move to satellite. Tom Chiusano came in to correct Robin about something that happened with one of the deejays at his station years ago. She thought that a guy was suspended for going out to get water one time but Tom said that he actually went out to get some food and locked himself out of the studio. He had to have the fire department come in and break the door down.
Howard asked Tom not to start buying food and stuff when they hire his replacement. He's also thinking that he's not going to last the next 14 months on that station because the company is going to let him go. He talked to Tom and said he would like to do some farewell stuff over the next year but he's still thinking that the company is going to bail on him. Howard asked Tom if he thinks he will be there through the end of his contract. Tom said he does believe that will happen. Howard said he's heard other things and he won't last another year. Once the company gets it's plans in place, they're going to bail on Howard. Howard has been going over scenarios in his head and he's thinking that he could be let out of his contract early if Sirius offered them enough money. Artie came in with his Larry Flynt impression again and ended up saying something that got the delay hit. He got a little overzealous with his goof.
Ralph called back in and asked Howard if he thinks the company will drop him once he gets fined again. Howard said that's possible and it could happen because the fight is basically over. Tom said that the fight is not just for Howard, they're fighting for freedom of speech. Ralph asked Tom who he voted for yesterday. Tom said he went in and voted for Kerry and it was the first time he's voted for a democrat. Ralph doesn't understand how this could happen and how Bush can win. Robin said that she read a poll where women were asked about what issues they were thinking about in the election and they said it was morals. Howard has heard some things from some women who just don't like the way Kerry looks. Scott DePace came in after Ralph made a comment about the dopey republicans not willing to listen to common sense. DePace and Ralph were arguing but Howard wanted him out. He didn't want to hear them arguing. Howard said that he's going to continue to live his life and he's not going to worry about it. He wanted to get back to the dick jokes but these guys insisted on talking about this stuff. Howard wanted to let Dominic Barbara have the final word. Dominic, who was on a clear phone for a change, told Howard that Viacom can still fight the fines that Howard has against him and make a change. Howard thinks that Viacom won't be able to stand up against the government and they will fold just like everyone else. Other radio companies like Clear Channel won't stand behind Viacom if they fight that fight. Tom told Howard that this is like burning books and Howard is the first 'book' that's being burned. He believes that the company is going to fight the fines. Howard had to take another break after Tom asked him to.
Howard replayed a news clip he played earlier where they talked about some of the guys who have gotten into office and want to ban abortion and gays from teaching. Fred threw in a porn clip of a woman gagging spitting up as that clip was playing. Howard said he could only imagine what was going on in that clip.
Howard played a song that a guy sent to Kidd Chris of his kid singing about ''nig*ers.'' The kid sounded like he was about 5 years old. Howard thought the kid was able to rap pretty good but he was rapping like a black guy and singing about the ''nig*ers.'' Howard said he pictures the father feeding the lines to his kid while they recorded it. Howard and the guys goofed on that stuff for a few minutes. They were trying to figure out some of the lyrics as well. Howard doesn't know the name of the guy who sent in the tape so he can't give him credit. He had to take another break after just 15 minutes or so.
Howard said that the RoboSpanker is coming in this week and he's looking forward to that. He said it has all kinds of settings that they can set up for the people they put in the spanker. Jason came in and told Howard that they have the tracking number for the RoboSpanker. The caller Howard had on the line and he was taking a bunch of bong hits while they were talking. The guy asked Howard if he had any openings there because he was out of work. Howard wanted to give out the tracking number for the RoboSpanker so all of his fans can track where it's at. They have another thing coming in that will allow them to have women chained to the ceiling while they do stuff to them. Howard checked the tracking for the RoboSpanker and it was supposed to arrive today. Jason came in and said that he saw it was in Brooklyn as of this morning so it should be there later today. The bong-hit caller said he could get that thing there before 4 o'clock this afternoon.
Howard heard that Sal the Stockbroker was being yelled at by Ronnie the Limo Driver in a private studio at the station. JD came in a short time later and asked Howard if he wanted an update on that. At first he just said he didn't know what was going on but then said that he told both him and Steve the Engineer to leave the room. Artie thought that having JD and Steve in the room is like having no one in the room. Ronnie came in yelling at Howard. He said that Sal was farting around him and throwing papers on his chair this morning so he told him not to mess with him. Ronnie was pissed that Howard was taking someone else's word over his and he's been working for him for 19 years now. Howard said he's going to have to put Ronnie in the RoboSpanker. Gary told Howard that Sal got in trouble yesterday for farting on an intern. Howard said he really has to chill out with that stuff. Sal claims that he didn't fart on anyone, he just let one slip while she was in the room. Howard told him to pull himself together. Tom came in and said that the intern didn't want to be treated that way and she was disgusted by the whole thing. Tom said that it's not the first time he's done it either. Sal said that it slipped out. He also said that's the reason Ronnie is upset with him today because he thought he'd farted in front of him. Tom told Sal that if he doesn't like working there, he can leave. Sal started to bad mouth Tom right there so he was told he was lucky to be there. Sal told Tom that he earned his place there and he wasn't lucky. Tom was the one who suggested that they hire him to work there though. Sal had called the place a dump at one point and Tom didn't like that. Howard said that it really is a dump. Artie said that before they call the place a dump, they should check out the brand new hair that was stuck disgustingly to the coffee machine...
Howard and Ronnie were still arguing about what was going on as well. Ronnie was upset that JD came in and told Howard about what went on. Artie started to do his ''Wah, wah'' bit again with Ronnie this time. He was relentless with that stuff. Howard played a clip of Ronnie yelling at Isaac from E! when he tried to interview about what was going on with Sal recently. Ronnie said that he just can't stomach Sal and told him to go F-himself. Sal was talking to Ronnie about his Scores party but Ronnie was getting really pissed off at him. Howard played a song parody that they had of Ronnie yelling about stuff. He said that the band Jet was coming in today and they were the ones who were kept out of the Champagne room at Scores because there was a ''Howard Stern'' party going on there. Artie thought that was funny that one of the hottest bands around was kept out of that room because he and some other guys were there instead.
Howard said they have a new contest coming up where celebrities will be able to sing karoke for the chance to win $10,000 courtesy of Napster.com. Howard also threw out another plug for his girlfriend's appearance at the Garden City Hotel at 11 o'clock this morning.
Howard forgot that he had the High Pitch Erik and Fred the Elephant Boy calling a gay bath house. Fred made the first call where he tried to explain to the guy that he was giving his boyfriend oral and a bouncer kicked him in the mouth, that's why he can't speak. It also made him bite his boyfriend's balls. Howard had to explain quite a bit of this because there were so many bleeps going on. High Pitch Erik came in next and told the guy that his voice was high because his balls were bitten. They asked the guy some questions about what he looked like and the guy hung in there for a while but eventually hung up on them. Robin thought that was one of the funniest calls she's heard.
Howard read an article about Rosie O'Donnell saying some things about Star Jones in an article. He thought some of her comments were pretty funny. She made some comments about Star's weight loss and her fiancee who is rumored to be gay. Robin changed subjects and said that she was reading some weird stuff about David Spade and a chick he was dating. He had to break up with her because she was checking his voice mail. Howard wondered if the guys would break up with their chicks because of something like that. They all said they would. Howard said he actually did break up with a girl who was looking through his date book. Gary said that someone needs to do an intervention with Star Jones because she seems to think she's lost all of her weight but she was out dressed in a Jeanie costume and it was all belly. Gary also told Howard that it wasn't actually the band who were at Scores on Friday night. It was a record company guy who was there and he was told that there was a Howard Stern party going on. The band are big fans of Howard's and they used to watch his E! show all the time when they were recording their album. Howard had to take a break before bringing in the band.
Howard asked the guys about how they ripped the band Nickelback a new a-hole when they goofed on the way they sing. Then they met them somewhere in Germany and they were the nicest guys in the world. The band basically said there aren't many other bands they like. Howard wanted to get a look at the drummer's actress wife so he spent a couple more minutes asking him about her. He said that her name is Alexi Wasser and she's only 22 years old. She hasn't appeared in any magazines like FHM or anything like that yet. Howard and Artie tried to convince him that getting married is a bad idea. Artie told him that he should be out banging this hot chick he knows by the name of ''Everyone.''
The bass player wasn't going to be playing anything today because they didn't need him for an acoustic song. Howard said that the band has sold 2.7 million albums so far. Artie said that means Alexi is going to be worth like $8 million. Howard and Artie couldn't get over that whole thing and kept goofing on the guy for getting engaged. Howard took a few phone calls for the band. One guy complained that the show was getting chopped up for some reason. Gary came in a short time later and said that nothing was cut on their station so he didn't know what the guy was talking about.
Howard asked the guys to perform their song ''Are You Gonna Be My Girl.'' They went right into their acoustic version of the song a few seconds later. When they were done Howard told them they did a nice job. He said he has to get a band because he's wasting his time there. Howard asked the guys about the Scores thing that happened on Friday night. Ron from Atlantic Records was at Scores and told the guys there that he wanted to bring the band down there but he was told that there was a Howard Stern party going on. Howard wasn't there, it was Ronnie the Limo Driver's party that was going on. Howard wanted Ron to know that it wasn't him, it was a Ron Mund party, not a Howard Stern party. Ron said he said that's the party he was supposed to be at and they brought him right in. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that Ron was confused about the party and he thought he was at the other Scores. Howard and Ronnie ended up arguing again over the whole thing. Ronnie wondered why the past parties were okay but this year's was a big deal. Howard tried to explain it to him but Ronnie never wants to listen to him.
Howard took a call from a woman who thought the band sounded so good that she started to cry. One of the guys in the band said that it was a really emotional song. Another caller said the band was really great as well. Howard had a porn clip playing of a gagging chick and the guys thought it was pretty disgusting. Howard gave them a plug for their album ''Get Born'' and their new DVD ''Family Style.''
Howard wanted to find out more about this song ''Look What You've Done'' but the guys didn't want to talk about it. The song was apparently about the guy's father getting divorced from his mother but he didn't want to talk about it that much. Artie started to do his ''Wah, wah'' stuff again and goofed on the guy a little bit. Howard played the song after that and said the lead singer has a good voice. He also said that he wouldn't be able to write a song like that, he'd be more blatant with his lyrics. The guys are heading home tomorrow after touring for two years. Howard thanked them for coming in and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Artie wasn't in this morning because he's out doing a movie. Gary told Howard that Artie told him that he's shooting an independent movie that's shooting in Newark. Howard was sorry to hear that he got sucked into that crap. He wondered why Artie couldn't show up to shoot the movie at 10 after doing the radio show. Fred has done some indies himself but he always makes sure that the show comes first. Howard doesn't know what Artie's up to. When he hears about Artie doing movies again, he thinks he's back on coke. Gary told Howard that Artie never returns messages if you leave one on his cell phone voice mail. He tried to get in touch with him a few days ago and he ended up throwing his phone because he got so frustrated. It's very tough to get in touch with the guy apparently. Howard said he'll miss Artie while he's not there, he's a good dude.
Howard said that on his web site they have to stop the Bush Bashing because the guy is the President again and it's not going to do any good. They have Bush in a dunce cap on the web site and that just won't fly on there anymore. He talked about the NY Post and how there are endless articles in there about why Kerry didn't win. He said he wanted to throw the paper through the window after reading that stuff. The journalist said that Kerry didn't connect to people because he wind surfs. Howard read the article to Robin and said that they complained about Kerry snowboarding and wind surfing and that's why people couldn't relate to the guy. Howard said he doesn't care either way.
Howard said he watched ''Smallville'' last night and thought it was really good. They had the character Mr. Mxyzptlik on the show but they changed him around a lot so the story was a bit off. He thought it was a good episode anyway. Robin saw it as well and liked the episode. Howard said they played a Green Day song (Boulevard of Broken Dreams) during the episode and he recognized it when Beth asked what it was. He was going to play the CD but got sidetracked with Don Imus when he accidentally heard a bit of his show on MSNBC. Howard tried to play the song he heard on ''Smallville'' but the guys gave him the single of ''American Idiot'' instead of the full album.
Howard got back to talking about the election and the FCC. He said that this all makes his move to satellite all that much more intense. He said that there are even more conservative people in office now and it's going to be good for him. He said there was a senator they talked about during the news yesterday who doesn't want any abortions, no gays teaching and some other things that are pretty scary. He said that it's going to lead to radio just being horrible, like the Ozzie and Harriet days, so people are going to have to pay for satellite to get entertaining radio. They talked about the indecency bill that's probably going to pass and allow the government to fine individual broadcasters.
Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard that he's putting down radio saying that it's going to go down when it's really not. Howard told Tom that he can't even air 70 percent of his Best Of stuff because they're afraid they're going to get fined. He also complained about the things they're censoring out of his show. Tom told Howard that he just wanted to defend the medium of radio but Howard didn't want to debate it with him. He told him to just fire him or leave him alone. Tom said that all of that stuff is horrible but he doesn't think the company is going to fold when they come under fire. Howard told Tom that he's been in meetings where the companies just give up on stuff like that when he's not around. Tom doesn't think they're going to give up on that fight. Howard told Tom that what happens to his show is going to be great. Tom knows that he's going to become a martyr because of all of the FCC and indecency stuff.
Howard's not saying that it's the death of free radio, it will flourish because it's there and it's free. He thinks that the content will become so repressed that people will have to find something else to entertain them. He said it works for him and radio is going to return to what it was like when he first got into it. It's not going to be good. Howard said that he's banking on the hope that when people buy a new car, they'll think about getting satellite installed so they can hear what he's doing. Howard doesn't know if it'll really work out or not but he's going to give it a try. Tom said that it could be a niche thing and he's not sure if there's room for two companies out there. Howard said that maybe they'll merge, who knows? He said that we are a religious country now because Bush was reelected. This is going to lead us to armageddon according to Howard. He said people will think he's nuts right now but it will happen. He also believes that all of his fans will eventually follow him to satellite, maybe not tomorrow, but they will eventually follow him. He's going to be a winner but the country is going to lose because Bush was reelected.
Howard said there will be no more Howard to kick around. He knows that the company will hire someone to replace him and they'll do just fine. He knows he's not the be-all and end-all of radio. Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he thinks the satellite radio thing will go through the roof. He thinks it's going to dominate regular radio. Howard told Tom that he had no choice but to go with satellite. He didn't have a future there at the station and now he's got to make that move. Howard said he's willing to throw all of the stuff he has away because he thinks he has a future in satellite. Another phone caller got the delay hit on him because he cursed so Howard and Tom had to remind him that he wasn't on satellite yet. Howard told the caller that when this indecency bill is passed, it's going to change broadcast radio like he won't believe. The caller wanted to talk about other things but Howard cut him off and went to commercial break a short time later.
Robin threatened to move out of the country if Bush won so some people wondered where she's going to move. Robin isn't going anywhere. Some people wrote in about how great the band Jet sounded on the show yesterday. Howard replayed their acoustic version of ''Are You Gonna Be My Girl'' so people could hear that again. Some people thought they weren't all that great. The band ended up getting upset after Howard asked the guys about their song ''Look What You've Done.'' Howard said it was kind of weird because the guy ended up getting really upset after the interview and they wanted that part cut out for the E! show airing. Howard played the song again and said he liked it. Robin said she loved the song.
There were some other e-mails about the High Pitch Erik and Fred the Elephant Boy prank call to the gay bath house that Howard played yesterday. Some people thought that it was the funniest call they'd ever heard. Howard replayed the call to let everyone hear what they were talking about. Howard had to explain to people what Elephant Boy was saying in the call because they had to bleep it so much. Plus Fred is hard to understand to begin with so it was mumbled a bit. He basically told the guy at the gay bath house that he was giving his boyfriend (Erik) oral sex and someone kicked him in the mouth. That's why he was talking the way he was and that's why his boyfriend's voice was so high. Howard took another break after that.
Howard said he hasn't been watching ''The Apprentice'' this season because he's so into other shows like ''Smallville,'' ''Survivor,'' ''The Biggest Loser,'' ''The Surreal Life'' and others. He had Jen C from The Apprentice coming in and she had gotten herself into trouble by talking about a couple of women, calling them ''Old Jewish women'' after they failed their challenge.
Jen came in and said that Gary told him that she's very taken with herself. Gary told Howard that she was bragging about her Q rating and how she gets big ratings for a radio show that she goes on. That's why they're bringing her back for tonight's Apprentice. Jen said that Gary was her buddy 2 minutes before and she didn't get what was going on. Howard told Jen that her calling a couple of women Jews doesn't mean that she's an anti-semite. She ended up getting fired from her job over that whole thing. Jen told Howard that they shot that show back in May and June and she didn't get fired until the show aired. She was doing really well at the job and things were going pretty good. She thought that the show could only be good for her but she was wrong. Howard got distracted by Jen's big breasts and had to comment on them before going on.
Jen said she didn't even remember saying anything about the Jews. Howard said that Jen sounds kind of ''Jewy'' herself. She says that she's not Jewish though. Howard goofed on her a little bit about that and had some fun with her. Jen said that she's having a hard time finding a job now because of what went on with The Apprentice. Jen is going to be back on the show tonight to help out with a real estate challenge. She would like to let people know that she's looking for a job and she's not really there to promote the show.
Gary asked Jen about the letter she got from her former employer. He heard that they told her not to try and sue them because they would go after her if she did. Jen said she can't legally talk about that. She told Howard about the fact that she found out she was getting fired from the NY Post because a reporter called her about it. Howard noticed that Jen had some ''body bling'' on her breasts but she didn't know what he was talking about. She had glitter on and didn't know that Howard was talking about with the body bling stuff. Jen was upset he brought that up because her mother was listening. Howard tried to get Jen into a bikini after she complained that she has no income right now. Howard offered her $1,000 to get into the bikini. She didn't want to do it.
Howard asked Jen about something that she has on her web site about how she's available for speaking engagements. She's never made any speeches before so he wondered why anyone would hire her. Jen said that she's gotten offers and she will be taking them up on them. Gary told her that he wanted to hire to speak, in a bikini, right there in the studio. She just laughed and said Gary was pretty smart.
Jen told Howard about the night she met him at Mercer Kitchen, the same night he met Beth for the first time. Jen said that she ran into him at the bar and joked that he wasn't allowed to go to one part of the restaurant. Howard said that now that he thinks about it, he remembers that she has something to do with him being with Beth. Howard started to remember the story and said that he went to the restaurant to hang out at some rich guy's party. He went there and there were a bunch of people there. Beth was one of them. Howard kept getting up and walking around because he couldn't take it. Howard said he went up to the lobby and a hot chick, Jen, told him he couldn't go in the lobby. Howard saw that there was some fresh meat so he went over to talk to her. Jen came with him downstairs and they talked about going to the club Spa. Jen apparently told Howard that he had nice eyes and Beth got jealous and told Booker about how she was coming on to him. Howard thought that it was Beth who said he had nice eyes for some reason but it was actually Jen. Howard said he threw a bunch of girls, including Jen, into his limo and took them out with Crazy Cabbie. Beth started to come on to Howard and that's when Howard blew off Jen and her friend. Howard said if Jen hadn't said he had nice eyes, he may not have hooked up with Beth the way he did.
Howard gave Jen a plug for her web site, JenniferCrisafulli.com. He also thanked her for picking him up at the bar that night at the restaurant. He said it would have been nice to have gone out with her but she didn't have her breasts on display like she did today. Jen told Howard that she and her friend actually encouraged Beth to go with Howard because she was asking them if they thought he really liked her. Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked her about working for him. He said he'd let her work as an escort while she waited to get her real estate license in Connecticut.
Comedian Shuli called in and told Howard he had a friend who went out and looked at some real estate with Jen and when they got back in the car, she asked them if they really wanted to live near the Spics or the Jews. He was joking of course. Another caller said that Jen has tried to get on some other reality TV shows and she's an opportunist and a liar. Howard didn't seem to think it was a big deal though. Chaunce Hayden called in and asked Jen if she has a problem with Stacy J from the show. Chaunce said that he just interviewed Stacy and she told him that Jen is a big mouth and she never shuts up. He read the interview to her and Jen said that Stacy denied that when she asked her about it. Chaunce claims to have tape of it so he'll play it on the show tomorrow. Jen said that she really wouldn't care if it was true or not though.
Joey Boots called in and said he wants to see this chick's picture on Howard's web site later so he can beat his meat to her. Jen said that her mother was listening and he didn't want to talk about that. Joey said that he's a celebrity, she's a celebrity so they should hook up together. They played some of Aurora Snow's gagging porn clips while they were talking about that but Jen had no idea what it was. Another phone caller told Howard that the Crisafulli family up in Albany have a ton of money so she probably had a ton herself. Jen said she really doesn't have money though. Another caller said that Jen used to bang rock stars like Marilyn Manson. She said that's not true either but she did date a guy from The Verve Pipe. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Jen that she was great on The View when she stood her ground on something she was asked about. Mariann also told Howard that she got Sirius radio already and sang a song to him. Another guy said he heard that Jen used to bang AJ Benza. Jen said that she knows AJ but she didn't bang him.
Howard asked Jen if she would have banged him that night he met her at Mercer Kitchen. Jen said that she probably would have. Howard told her he would have ripped her apart with his two inches. He said that the two inches was bragging though and it's not even that big. Howard played some more porn clips while they were talking about that. Jen seemed a little uncomfortable with that stuff though because her mother was listening. He wrapped up the interview a short time later. He wished Jen luck getting a job and said that he doesn't think she's an anti-semite.
Howard took a call from a guy who was at the North Shore Animal League thing that Beth was at. Howard thanked everyone who went out to that event and talked about how they did it for the animals that lost their homes down in Florida after the hurricanes. The guy said that Beth was with a guy the whole time she was there and he was kind of a douche. Howard didn't know who he was but said it's probably the guy that she's cheating on him with.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if Artie was going to be fired for not coming in today. Howard isn't going to do that because they have a deal worked out. Artie can go out and work whenever he wants. The caller felt that the show was better without him but Howard doesn't think that's the case. He believes that Artie is integral to the show now. He's hoping that everyone, including Artie, will follow him over there to Sirius. That led to Howard talking about the excitement he has for the future and his move to satellite. He said that he could have been on around the country if the FCC didn't scare off so many people. The caller told Howard that his mother is going to get satellite and he'll be getting it as well. Howard said he believes in the product and the future of it so that's why he's taking the risk. He talked about this lawyer down in Florida who constantly files complaints with the FCC and that forces his stations down there to cut the show up. It's ludicrous that they have to do that because of someone like that. Howard brought up how the FCC refused to renew their licenses when they wanted to hold back on paying the fines that they wanted to fight. They had to work out a way to make a payment to the FCC without admitting any guilt. His boss at the time, Mel Karmazin, told Howard they had to make that deal to get out of the sticky situation.
Garver asked Victoria how she was doing after 20 guys. She sounded ready for more after that. Robin wondered if the smell is there right away or if it grows as it goes along. He said it grows... Garver interviewed some guys that were doing the banging and they sounded kind of odd. He asked one guy some questions about what he was up to. The guy said that he'd be willing to do animals if he had the chance. Another guy said the same thing. The guy also told Gary that he ate a turd when he was in prison, just to baffle the guards. Gary said that the guys would want to shake his hand after the interviews and he'd have to say ''no thanks.'' Another guy, who was wearing a mask, said that his wife didn't know what he was up to. Gary said that this stuff didn't effect his sex life but he has decided not to pleasure himself anymore after seeing what went on. Gary said that the guy was wearing a hockey mask as he was talking to him. He said there were a bunch of other guys who were wearing masks as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if they could put this stuff on his web site, uncensored. Howard said he probably could do that since they have the uncensored E! shows there. He got back to Gary's interviews with the gang bang guys. One guy sounded a bit out of breath as he was talking to him. Howard couldn't figure out the accent the guy had so he played the clip over again. Another guy was talking about some of the stuff he's done with people. Gary sounded like he wanted to get away from him pretty quick.
A phone caller told Howard that he was involved in the gang bang and it really wasn't that big of a deal to him. He said that it's not much different than going to a swinger's club. Garver told him that it was nothing like a swinger's club. Another caller wanted to talk to Howard about prisoners who eat their own crap. The guy was a correctional officer and he'd see all kinds of crap like that at work.
Garver interviewed Victoria again after she'd done about 90 guys and she was still feeling good. She said she was a little tired and her ass didn't feel much different than it was 40 guys earlier. Baba Booey came in a short time later and told Howard that Tom asked them to wrap up this segment as quick as they could because of the content. Howard said they really do need to just fire him already. They weren't describing what was going on, they were just interviewing some guys who were banging them. Howard ended goofing on Tom and Dead Air Dave about their delay button pushing after that. They wrapped up the segment a short time later.
Another caller congratulated Howard on his move to satellite... and then said he was going to take his own life today. Howard said he's unable to handle calls like that himself so he wanted Gary to get him the suicide hot line number. The caller said that he was going to off himself with pain pills because he's lost everything. He lost his wife, the house and his car is next. Howard gave the guy the suicide hot line number which was 800-SUICIDE. He ended up talking to the guy for a short time and offered to give him a $500 prize to help him hang in there a little longer. He also told him he'd be missing out on the RoboSpanker. They got it yesterday and it's set up in the studio now. Howard gave him the prize money and told him to go call that suicide hot line.
A woman called in and told Howard that she was raped back when abortion was illegal. It took her 5 months to find someone to do an abortion on her but she made it through. She was telling Howard some stories about that but he had to hit the delay button on her because she gave out too many details. He had to hang up on her because of that.
Another phone caller told Howard that he has liver cancer and the government is giving him the runaround right now. He was looking for some prize money but Howard had given away his last $500 to the other guy. He got off the line with him and played some The Onion Radio News clips. There was a report about a guy who couldn't believe the crap he found on the stolen MP3 player he stole. In the second clip Doyle Redlin reported that old people should just forget about regular exercise because it really doesn't make any difference. In the third clip Howard just played the headline which was about Jeff Gordon never getting sick of seeing his face on cheap, plastic crap. Howard played the rest of the story because Robin got a laugh out of the headline.
Howard then played a news report where a guy suggested breaking this country into two, a red side and a blue side. He said that way they could keep Howard Stern on one side and Bill O'Reilly on the other. Howard said that people seem to think that he's this big liberal guy now but he's still a big supporter of people like Governor Pataki and Rudy Giuliani among others. Howard said he didn't get any support no matter how much he backed Kerry. He thought that Kerry would at least call him and thank him for backing him. That led to the guys talking about what they think will happen now that Bush has been reelected. Gary said he told someone that he thinks we'll still be in Iraq in 4 years and a lot more people will have died. Howard thinks that new people will be appointed to the Supreme Court and abortion will be banned. Scott DePace came in and said that he sees a strong economy and abortions will not be banned. He said that stuff like that may become more restricted, but that's not a big deal. Howard said that they will start reporting abortions to parents of underage kids and it's going to screw them up. Howard ended up kicking the guys out of the studio because he didn't want to get into that stuff. He just wanted to get the news started.
Robin seems to think that we're going into a dark part of our country's history now that Bush has been reelected, but hopefully the country will survive it. She started her news after that.
Howard spent a short time talking about how bad The View is with that chick Elisabeth from Survivor on there. He played a clip of her rambling about something on the show and then took a call from Ralph who said he had to stop watching the show because of her. Ralph wanted to talk more about ''Smallville'' but Howard told him he'd already gone over that earlier. He had Robin finish up her news after that.
As Howard was ending the show, he said they were going to go work on a song parody using the wack packers to sing ''We Are The Wack Pack'' to the tune of ''We Are The World.'' He had a rough cut of the song that they were going to go work on in their weekly meeting. He played a little bit of it for Robin and it was a bit rough. Robin said it was actually ''a lot rough'' and she can't wait to see the kind of magic they're going to work with that song. They had Wendy the Retard, High Pitch Erik, Daniel Carver, Fred the Elephant Boy, Nicole Bass and others in the song. Howard asked the guys to go get him a magic wand because he's going to need it to help that song. He wrapped up the show right after that. It was about 10:15am.
Howard started off the show talking about the big show they had coming up. He also talked about the card game he's going to be playing in tonight. Artie was back after his one day off to shoot a movie so he was asking Howard about the game. Howard said he'll be playing hold 'em but he knows he'll lose. Artie thought Howard was pretty good when they played down in Atlantic City. Howard said that's because the other guys that played didn't pay attention that day. When he plays against the guys he's playing tonight, he always loses. He ends up blowing about $600 in 5 minutes in those games. Howard said that he tries to play it straight but it never works for him. Howard said Tom Chiusano asked Howard if he was going to be in the game so he told him that he wouldn't. Now he's changed his mind and he will be playing so Tom will probably show up. Howard talked about some of the other guys who play in the game like Tom Gesimondo who wears one of those visors that poker players wear. Howard said he's a good guy but goofed on him a little bit about his pony tail and how he looks like that ''Breck girl'' in those old TV commercials. Howard mentioned a few of the other guys who play in the game and talked about how bad they are at playing.
Adam Carolla is in town so Howard said he'll probably meet up with him for dinner after the poker game. He didn't think he'd be able to make it out with him but he knows he'll be out of the poker game within 10 minutes or so. Artie told Howard that he played a game one time and ended up losing $38,000 in one night. Howard said that's like someone's yearly salary.
Howard asked Artie about the movie he shot yesterday. Artie said it's a movie called ''Waltzing Anna'' and he doesn't usually do movies like that but it was a good one. He shot some stuff on Wednesday after the show. Yesterday he didn't have a choice and had to go in and do it early. He said that the part was a really cool part to play so he had to take it. Robin asked who else is in the movie but Artie said there aren't any big names. He's the biggest one in there. Howard tried to find out who else is in it that they'd know. The guy who played Commissioner Gordon in the Batman shows, Pat Hingle, is also in the movie. Artie said that it has a chance of being something big when it comes out. Artie told Howard that he was listening to the show yesterday morning as he was being driven to the movie set... which was in Jersey City. He said that everyone was listening to the show yesterday and at least one person said something to him about the movie shoot.
Howard said he's been over to the new studios over at Sirius and he's thrilled that he's making this move now that Bush has been reelected. He's heard that the FCC is going to be cracking down even more now. He wrote a message to his fans about this move that he hasn't posted on his web site yet. He knows that his company doesn't want him talking about that stuff yet so he's going to put that up by next week sometime. He's making sure that he's got everything spelled right in there. Now he's thinking about booking himself on some TV shows so he can go out and talk about this new venture of his because his company wants him to keep quiet. He can't go on Letterman because Letterman doesn't let him talk that much. He has to go on a low rated show, like Charlie Rose's show, and take it over.
Gary said that the weirdest thing the inventor of the machine told them was that he once got in the machine and lost track of time and spent 5 hours in it getting spanked. Gary got into the machine and took 2 spanks before he bailed out of it. Sal the Stockbroker told Howard that he was ''spanking his monkey.''
Dominic Barbara called in so Howard goofed on him about his weight loss and dyed hair a little bit. Dominic wanted to talk about the card game that Howard was going to play in but Howard didn't want to talk to him about it. He also warned Dominic not to show up to the game because he'll leave if that happens.
Artie told Howard there's no way he'd get into that machine. He'd seen two guys get in it already but that's not an image he wanted to see. Gary told Howard to get Robin Radzinski to get in the machine. Doug came in and said that Scott DePace told him ''no way'' when he asked him to do it. Scott came in and said that it was the gayest thing and there's no way he's going to do it. Gary offered him a copy of ''Halo 2'' if he'd get into the machine but Scott wasn't willing to do it for that even though he wanted to get the game. Gary thought it was funny how the whole machine shakes and wiggles when they spank. Someone said they give it a week before it falls apart. Gary went out to find someone to get into the machine. Howard wanted to get Scott the Engineer in there so Doug suggested that they put him in backwards so they could spank his head. Gary came back a minute later with an intern who might want to do it. Gary said that she's an adult and not just a college kid. Howard said he wasn't going to do it because she's an intern. He wasn't going to break any of his own rules about doing stuff like that. Gary told Howard that his butt was still stinging after the couple of spanks he got. It's not a gentle thing.
Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard he was doing the right thing by not spanking the intern. Howard told Tom to get into the thing so he could spank him instead. Of course Tom refused. Howard tried to convince him to get in it anyway but there was no way he was going to let that happen. Robin wasn't going to get in it either so Gary was trying to convince her to get in it. There was a vibrating function on the machine so they wanted her to see how that worked. It wasn't happening so Howard said they need to get some strippers from Scores in there. Howard likes the sound that the machine makes when it's spanking. He said it sounds like you're in the basement in the movie ''Silence of the Lambs.''
A phone caller asked Howard about who owns that machine. It's actually property of Infinity so they'd keep it if Howard left. Tom told Howard that he might be willing to give it to Howard as a gift when he leaves. Howard said he'll probably get a cease and desist letter from Joel Hollender if he did take the thing. Artie said that Richard Christy should get in the thing because he'd be willing to do that. Howard had Richard come in because he has a ton of porn on his computer. He asked him about the amount of porn he keeps on his computer. Richard said he has about 30 gigs of porn that he keeps and there's probably about 250 chicks on there. Gary had Richard talk about how he finds the chicks on the weekend and only pleasures himself on weekends but he'll do it 5 or 6 times in one night. Richard said that he hasn't had sex in about a year and before that it was about 10 years. He's only had one woman in the past 11 years. Richard said that he's so picky that he just can't get the caliber of chicks he wants. He said he'd rather be with himself than pick up a slob. Howard had to take a break so he cut them off and said he'd talk to Richard later.
Richard said that he had sex way back in 1993 a couple of times and didn't have anyone between then and 2003. He said that the sex was great though when that next woman came around. He said that women are kind of a pain in the ass so that's why he doesn't hook up with them that often. Richard has his porn collection that he's been collecting for years. He sets down with his computer on Friday nights and walks around his apartment naked sometimes when he's finding new porn on the web. He talked about how he looks at himself in his full length mirror as he's pleasuring himself. He wondered if that's gay because he doesn't think about himself, he thinks about women. Howard wondered if he's got all of that stuff on the laptop he carries around. He said that's where it is and that's where he does all of his work. Richard has about 30 gigs of porn so he backs it up to DVD so he doesn't lose it.
Richard told Howard that there are enough free porn sites out there that he doesn't have to pay for it. He downloads what he can and saves it all to his hard drive. He told the guys that he made sure to get a big screen on his laptop so he can watch video and put stills of the same girl up on the screen at the same time. Richard told the guys that he drinks when he does that stuff and he's passed out while drinking and when he woke up, he was still holding his package in his hand. He admitted that he's tried some odd things when he's pleasured himself. He's used lotion and a roll of paper towels to pleasure himself off. Gary said that Richard organizes all of this stuff on his computer in a way you can't imagine. He's got them all cataloged so he can find the stuff really quickly. Howard wondered who his favorites are. Richard said that Jenna Jameson and Kitana Baker are a couple of them.
Artie asked Richard if he knew who the Playmate of the year was back in 1996. He knew it was Stacy Sanches. The guys thought that was pretty impressive that he could remember that. Howard took some phone calls after that and a few people told Richard how creepy he sounded talking about this stuff. Gary said that Richard used to be in a band years ago and they used to tour all over the country so he wondered why he didn't get laid. Richard said the other guys got laid but he's too picky to go with the groupies that were following them around.
Howard had Richard get into the RoboSpanker so they could test out their picture uploading. They were going to have him get in there bare assed to test out the spanker. Artie still couldn't believe that Richard couldn't get laid while he was in a speed metal band touring around Europe. Richard said he tried but just couldn't close the deal. Richard got into the machine and let Howard spank him remotely. He could only take about 3 or 4 whacks before he asked him to stop. Howard wondered if he got excited after the spanking. He said he didn't but Gary was looking at the monitor and thought it looked like he was aroused. Richard just laughed and asked ''Isn't technology great?'' in that Southern drawl of his. Howard had to go to commercial break right after that.
Howard said he's not going to be giving Artie his usual Jack Daniels because he thinks he's an enabler. Howard and Artie were talking about something that they discussed but haven't talked about on the air. Artie joked that it was about his bald spot to change subjects so they ended up talking about that instead. Howard told Artie not to worry about the bald spot because it's really not that bad. Chaunce Hayden called in and told Artie that there are ways to reduce the bald spot but they cut your scalp in half and sew it back together. Howard announced that the picture of Richard was up on his bulletin board already under ''Today's Show.'' Howard was impressed with the quality of the picture that their new camera took. Jason said it's partly due to the camera and partly his talent. Howard said the pictures of Jen C that they took yesterday looked like professional modeling pictures.
Gary came in and told Howard that when Richard pulled his pants down during the break, his ass was all red. The sting stays with you a long time apparently. Richard showed Howard how red his ass still was after the few spanks he got earlier. Howard said they can't put people in there because it's too brutal. Howard wondered how the creator of the machine was able to spend 5 hours in that thing. Robin thought that it might stop Richard from pleausreing himself tonight.
Howard asked Richard who he's going to pleasure himself to this weekend. He said he'll probably go on Playboy.com and check out the free daily pics. He said when he finds a hot chick, he'll go out and research her and find more pictures of her. Howard took a call from a guy who said the picture of Richard was really gay. It was Sean the White Rapper who ended up telling Richard how much his bits suck. Howard had to hang up on him because it seems like he's just a jealous guy.
The phone caller Howard had on the line asked if his callers were still allowed to say the full ''a-hole'' word. Howard told him that the rules have changed over the past few months and they don't allow that on the air. Howard said that there were days when he wasn't even allowed to say ''scumbag'' or ''douche bag'' on the air. Tom came in and told Howard that they had to stop that after the Janet Jackson thing earlier this year.
Gary said the rules have been changing constantly. There was a word that they fought for that they weren't sure they could use. Howard showed the word to Tom and asked if they could use it. It was the word ''Titty'' that he has to use in context. He can't shorten it to just the three letter word. Howard said he'll have none of these problems when he moves to his new job. The caller asked if he could ask Robin how her ''Count...ry music is.'' Howard said that Tom cringed when he said that and it looked like he was ready to jump over the console to hit the delay on him. The guys talked about the other things that they can say as long as they pause long enough. Mike Hunt, Jack Mehoffer and some other things were the things that Artie brought up. There's a Red Peters song where he sings ''How's your dic... Tation machine'' and stuff like that which don't give them a problem.
Tom and Howard talked about the ''seven dirty words'' and why they're not allowed to use them on the air. Artie said something during the discussion that got the delay hit. Howard said it was really funny but they couldn't repeat it. Artie said that it was something to do with the F-word though. Howard had to take a commercial break a short time later.
A woman called in and was so thrilled that she was on the air that she really didn't have all that much to say. She told Howard she loves him and she's a hot mom. Howard ended up hanging up on her so he could take another call. The next caller asked Howard if he'd be willing to go on an HBO type channel to do his show unedited. He said he's always hearing from people about doing stuff like that but he's under contract with E! right now. If things change, he'll let everyone know. Howard said he might just go down to a Radio Shack and answer questions about the whole satellite thing. He said he'll announce it before hand if he does do that. Robin thought it was funny that he said Radio Shack but he said he was serious. They sell the satellite units and they're exclusive to Sirius so he might just do a tour of a bunch of stores. He was also thinking about going on Letterman to talk about this stuff. He's got a lot going on with that whole thing so he needs to get the word out since he can't talk about it all on his own show. Since Letterman won't let him talk long enough, he wants to go on a show like Charlie Rose's show and take it over. He'd like to tie him up and just take over the show. Artie suggested that he take over ''Inside the Actors Studio'' and tie up James Lipton so he can talk without being distracted. Howard talked about the time he did that to Bill Boggs on his show when he was between jobs at WNBC and his current station, WXRK. Howard said everyone is uptight about him talking about the satellite stuff on his own show so he's going to have to go somewhere else to do it. Robin figured that Larry King would give him an hour to do it. Artie mentioned Carson Daly's show but that's on too late.
Howard replayed the phony Daniel Carver answering machine message that one of the guys put together. He then talked about how an F-16 fired on a school in New Jersey the other night. No one was injured because there was only one janitor in the building at the time. They were supposed to have shot at something 3 miles away but missed their mark. Howard changed subjects again and said that they have a problem with Chaunce Hayden's penis avatar. The writer said they enjoy Chaunce's posts but the avatar is disturbing. The writer just asked for him to change it to something else.
Captain Janks called in and played a prank call he made to Imus one time. He was doing his female voice and asks Imus how it feels to be a loser. Imus hung up on him after he did that. Janks said he loves that call. Janks told Howard he has a game to play but Howard had one of his own that he was going to play so he let him go. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard that her husband bought her a Sirius satellite boombox. Howard had to cut her off and played a Wendy the Retard song parody. He then told Artie about the ''We Are The Wack Pack'' song parody that they're working on. Artie missed it yesterday since he was out. Howard played the rough cut for him and Artie got some laughs out of it. He cracked up when High Pitch Erik came in and then when Jeff the Drunk started to sing. Howard's part was added yesterday after the show so that was new. Robin loved Howard's part. Artie said that he's pictured the Wack Packers being in a movie called ''Saving Howard'' where Howard was kidnapped and those guys had to save him somehow. Howard said that's the type of movie he'd like top put on his web site.
Robin asked Spade who he's dating now. David said that he hasn't learned her name yet. She's only 24 years old. Gary came in and said that he read that Krista Allen is rumored to be with John Stamos now. Howard told Spade he'll never get her back now. He also tried to guess how Spade met this new girl of his. He guessed that she was on the set of the show ''8 Simple Rules.'' Spade said that wasn't the case though. He didn't meet her there. Howard and Artie talked about how much fun they think John Stamos is having now that he's getting divorced from Rebecca Romijn. She's apparently with Jerry O'Connell now so Howard asked him about that. David said he's kind of surprised that she's with him. Howard wondered if Spade got some of that ass before she went to Jerry. Artie wondered if Stamos dating Krista was payback for him going out with Rebecca. Spade just laughed while that discussion was going on.
Howard recalled the time he had Rebecca Romijn-Stamos naked in his apartment. He said he thought he could have gotten her but he had Beth in the apartment that night as well as John Stamos. Nothing happened that night. Howard had his buddy Ralph on the phone. Ralph claims that he's been over to Stamos' house and he's constantly got chicks over there. He's got a bunch of rooms and there are just models all over the place. Ralph said that the chicks just come and go when John isn't even there so they're always around. He said Stamos has a huge bar there so you can get them drunk. Ralph talking about hot chicks and how they just love to talk about themselves and if you can make it through those stories, you can usually get them.
Howard gave Spade a plug for ''8 Simple Rules'' since he's a regular on the show. They're getting good ratings now that Spade is on there and they've actually gone up since John Ritter died. Ralph said the cute chick on that show looks like she's gained a few pounds lately. Spade said that she's a cute girl though. Howard wondered if Spade has ever mentioned his name to James Garner who hates him. They played a clip of Garner talking about how much he dislikes Howard on ''The Tonight Show'' one time. Spade has to work with the guy so he didn't want to talk about that subject.
Artie said that Spade had a great line when his show ''Just Shoot Me'' got canceled. Instead of getting sentimental about it, he said ''I feel like someone's cuttin' down the money tree in my backyard.'' Howard thought that was pretty funny. Spade had to get going but he told Howard he liked that song that they played with clips of Ronnie the Limo Driver yelling to the tune of ''Take Me Home Tonight.'' Howard had Fred play a little bit of that and then let David go. He gave him a plug for ''8 Simple Rules'' which airs tonight at 8 on ABC. He went to commercial break right after that.
Howard read that there's a new Treo 650 phone out that he might want to get. He read about the features it had and thought it might be worth getting even though it looked very similar to his Treo 600. It has Bluetooth capabilities so Gary came in and told Howard how great that technology is for cell phones. Once he heard what it does, he said he needs it.
A phone caller told Howard that he laughed his ass off at the High Pitch and Elephant Boy prank call. Howard had another one to play if he wanted to hear that one. He wanted to play them but he had to get to Mike Walker as well. Sal the Stockbroker tried to get all of the tapes together so Howard could play the ones he wanted to for the guy they had on the line. The caller asked Robin about her cat who had a seizure the other day. Robin said she had an MRI done and the cat has nothing wrong with it. The MRI cost her $1,800. Howard paid off on his bets that he had with Robin and Artie earlier in the show and then got Mike Walker on the phone.
Mike told Howard about a story they had about Martha Stewart. She's apparently gotten into a fight with her cell mate and she also cooked for some people and gave them diarrhea. There's more about that in this week's National Enquirer. Howard moved on to the game after that so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
During the news Howard had a picture of a woman who wants to be evaluated for Playboy. Howard said she was very cute and could probably get into the magazine. He said that Sal the Stockbroker wrote him a note about how he'd pleasured himself to the picture that the woman sent in... after his wife went to sleep.
Double A called in and asked Howard what his girlfriend Beth is going to be doing while he's playing cards. Howard told him that she's going out with some friends so they can have some guys hit on them. Double A said he'll be out looking for her tonight when he's out. Jeff the Drunk also called in and told Howard he was getting a little bit of snow up in his area this morning. Artie ended up goofing on Jeff a little bit about how he's living outside (not really, he lives in a trailer). Robin wondered if he's going to call in every day with the weather reports. Jeff said he was just letting them know what was going on up there today. He got off the phone as quick as he could after Artie goofed on him. Howard knows he's going to have to hook Jeff up with satellite radio because he won't be able to afford it himself. Robin and Artie said he's going to have to put Jeff on the top of the list. A woman called in a short time later and told Howard that it wasn't snowing up in their area, it had been raining for the past couple of days and it wasn't even cold enough to snow. She told Howard that he might want to call Jeff ''Delusional Jeff'' instead of Jeff the Drunk. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:30 this morning.