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Howard started off the morning saying that he's still not 100 percent yet, he's still feeling a little sick. Artie is feeling pretty bad as well. He had a zit on his head that Robin noticed. Artie said he thinks he punctured it on his way in this morning and it looks like a mess. Howard said he noticed it right away when he saw him this morning but he didn't say anything to him.
Artie said he went out to a bar over the weekend and people kept looking at his head. He wasn't sure why so he went to the bathroom and saw how huge the thing was when he looked in the mirror. Robin said that she saw that the vending machine was filled with two rows of Artie's favorite stuff. She said that there were 2 rows of Famous Amos cookies, Hostess Cupcakes and M&Ms. Artie said they did that with the Devil Dogs too.
Howard said that he's going to be talking about what a piece of shit Les Moonves is when he goes on the show. He went on to talk about how he likes that Dave doesn't bother him before the show, he saves the conversation for when they're on the air. Robin said that it must kill Dave when they have to sit there during the break. Howard said he'd prefer that they don't have a conversation during the break anyway.
Artie asked what it must be like for Dave when he has a Steven Seagal on the show. He said that Dave must walk away when someone like that is on. Howard said that he's really doesn't like doing shows like this but he's looking forward to talking about Les on the air.
Howard said that CBS is trying to do everything they can to get him into trouble. He doesn't understand it because he didn't do anything wrong. He said he's not going to ''...let this fuckface Les Moonves get away with it.'' He said he's going to make this guy's life miserable the best way he can. Howard said that he's done nothing wrong, he was just a guy on the radio talking about his life. The lawsuit is just wrong and it's sickening to him.
Howard said that he heard that Les told someone to tell him that this isn't personal but it's got to be because they printed all of his earnings in the lawsuit. He said that they're blaming him for talking about SIRIUS when they allowed him to do that. This is all making Howard just want to get out of the business because these turds have ruined it for him.
Howard said that this is just the fun part going around making people aware of what's going on. It's going to get very personal soon and the truth is going to come tumbling out of him. He said that the lawsuit hasn't gotten very far yet but he can't wait for the deposition stage to start. Then he's going to let loose.
Howard said that Letterman understands all of this and that's why he's going to let him let loose on tonight's show. He said that if Dave gives him a problem with what he says about Les, he's going to kick Dave in the teeth. If Dave can't come clean and talk about this Leslie Moonves there's something wrong with him. Howard said he's going to start referring to Les as Leslie now because of the faggier name.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked Howard for making the changes to his channels to rerun his radio show all day. Howard said he thinks that's the right thing to do. The guy was also telling Howard about this comedian who warms up the crowd at Letterman. He said that Dave doesn't talk to the crowd before the show but the comedian talks to him and makes him laugh. Artie said that the guy's name is Eddie Brill, he's known him for years.
Howard said he's going to bring a book with him to read during the breaks so he and Dave don't have to talk to each other. The caller also asked about Stuttering John doing skits on The Tonight Show. He said that John doesn't stutter anymore when he does that show. He wondered if it was all phony. Howard said he really did stutter but he's managed to get it under control since he went over there.
Howard asked the guys if they've heard anything from John lately. Artie said he's been playing phone tag with John for the past week or so. John had a baby recently and named him Oscar. That led to Fred doing his Stuttering John voice and goofed on him for a short time. Howard and the guys were also talking about the stutter and how John could keep that under control if he had a script to read or a character to do.
Gary came in and said that he went and saw John back in November and he had a great house out there. They had a nice dinner and sat down and had a nice, real, conversation. He tried to get John to come out to do the final week of shows on K-Rock but he never did make it out. When he wants something from John he can never get in touch with him but when John wants something, he has no problem getting in touch with him.
Gary said that he tried to get John to call into the Intern Show recently but John wouldn't e-mail him back even though he had just e-mailed him about his address so he could send John a gift for the new baby. Howard said that's because John is a wormy guy and he's always been like that. He said he is happy for John getting that job but Jay Leno is the guy he doesn't like because he stole John away from the show. Howard said that John was probably there on his show long enough and it may have been time for him to move on.
Gary said that John is living a life with a great house and in a very nice neighborhood. The caller said that he misses John's red carpet interviews. Howard said that he has some Gary Garver interviews to play if he wants to hear them. He played some of those after mentioning them.
Howard had another Garver interview with former American Idol contestant Ryan Starr. He asked her if she's disappointed that her career has come down to this (appearing at the Lingerie Bowl). She said she's happy with her career and was very offended by the question.
Next up was Harrison Ford. Garver asked him what he'd be doing if he wasn't an actor. Ford said he didn't know. He also answered some questions about his career and then was asked about measuring his penis and from where he should start. Ford then stopped talking and walked away without saying a word.
Garver got a quick interview with Joey Buttafuoco who told him about what a huge fan of Howard's and Bubba's he is. Howard wasn't sure if anyone wanted to hear that one so he didn't play it. That led to Howard saying that Bubba got into a car wreck over the weekend and they've got some pictures of the mangled car. He said that Bubba races cars on the weekends and this weekend he got into a wreck.
The guys spent some time talking about Bubba and how he's kind of a star f'er. They were talking about how he's actually kind of charming and he treats some celebrities like they're the President. Bubba does that with Hulk Hogan who he's become friends with. The two of them actually work out together at Hulk's home gym. Howard said he thinks that racing cars is nuts and he suggested to Bubba that he just juggle chain saws instead.
Howard played another Garver interview that he got with Lee Merriwether. He asked her if she was getting paid to be at this event she was at. She said that the money was being donated to her charity. Garver asked her if having one homosexual experience makes one gay. She said she didn't know. He asked her if she's ever said the N-word. She said she's never said that. Then he asked her if she's ever banged a black guy. She told him he was rude and then he asked her if Les Moonves has ever raped her. She asked him what the interview was for and stopped talking to him. She told him to go away and leave her alone.
Garver got an interview with a woman who played Trixie in The Honeymooners for a short time. Garver asked her why she was there at this event. She said she got to see a lot of old friends there. Garver asked her if she was getting paid and then asked if she feels bad that her fans have to pay to meet her. She had some trouble hearing him but Howard blamed Garver for having a marble mouth. Garver asked her about having one homosexual making a person gay. She wasn't sure about that and said that she didn't think she could ever get to that herself. Garver then asked her if she's ever said the N-word. She had no idea what that was. Garver asked her if she's ever banged a black guy. She said she never has and she probably won't get to that either. She said she wouldn't have a problem if she did have a black guy.
Gary told Howard that someone complained to security and they came over to Garver and told him to cut the interviews or he'd be kicked out. The security guy said he'd toss the whole group out if he did it again. Gary tried to tell the guy that he was from SIRIUS Radio but the guy said that he was ''serious'' also and he'd throw him out. Howard said that Garver should have pulled out his questions and asked the security guy the same list.
Gary told Howard that Garver went to talk to a guy who was dressed up as Superman. Security came over to him during that interview and kicked Garver out. Garver got through about 2 questions before they booted his ass out of there. Garver was telling the security guy that he needed to take a shower as he was dragging him out of the place.
Gary said that Garver gets kicked out of that event every year. He told Howard about some of the old interviews that they got and how pissed off some of the people got.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that they should have a bunch of black guys at the Daniel Carver roast that's happening later this month. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about the roast and how Bob Levy should keep it down to about 7 or 8 comics and not go on too long. Artie said that he's going to be part of the roast and Howard said that should be good because Artie was so good at the last one.
The guys spent some time talking about the episode and what they thought about it. Howard said he's just glad that it's back on now. He said he didn't think it was so good that he had to stay up and watch it all the way through. He said he's probably just going to tape it and watch it on Monday. Howard said he knows that Tony Soprano is going to be okay now that he's been shot. Robin said ''You never know...'' The guys talked about what would happen if they did kill off Tony on the show. They tried to figure out who would take over the family if they did kill him off on the show.
Howard also brought up how John Gotti Jr. isn't going to jail and how good he seems to be at staying out. He and the guys talked about how Curtis Sliwa is pissed at his radio partner Kuby who testified at the trial and actually helped Gotti out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Les Moonves being on The Six Million Dollar Man. Howard said the guy was on the Love Boat, he doesn't know about the Six Million Dollar Man. He said he'll be out bashing Leslie on Letterman tonight. He said that they've been saying in the paper that this appearance has been booked since January abut that's not true. He just booked it a week ago. He knows that Les can't make Letterman cancel this appearance because Letterman won't stand for that. He loves that they're telling everyone that he's been booked since January though. It shows that everyone has to lie to Leslie about that stuff.
Howard said that he's really sick of bullies like Leslie and he's not going to stand for it. He said the company is crumbling and the guy just took $57 million for himself. He said that he's destroyed the radio division. He spent a couple of minutes going off on Les and then went to commercial.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was down at the Baltimore Scores grand opening and he wondered why those guys show up but don't mingle with the fans. Howard said he didn't send them down there, they were invited down by the Scores people.
Howard heard that the girls aren't even allowed to take their tops off in Baltimore. Gary said that he had a list of the rules for the place. The girls can get totally nude if they're dancing on the stage. If they're giving a lap dance, they have to keep all of their clothes on. Ronnie came in and said that the girls aren't even allowed to take their tops off if they're giving a dance in the private rooms.
Howard said that seeing the ''vagine'' must be cool. Ronnie said that they saw some ''Lincoln tunnels'' while they were there. He was referring to the giant holes that the girls were showing at the club. Gary and Ronnie weren't even that interested in seeing that part. They were fine with the topless stuff. Howard said he thinks he'd get off on seeing the chick's ''vagine's'' if he hadn't seen a girl in a while.
Gary told Howard about how Shuli was there and saw Ross Zapin hanging out and wondered who the hell he was. Gary said he had to tell Shuli that Ross is ''the guy'' who shows up at all of those things. Ronnie said that Shuli ended up staying for almost the whole weekend after he was supposed to be down there for only Thursday's press party.
Howard was saying that Ronnie is the kind of guy who is a douche bag most of the time until he goes to Scores. Ronnie was kind of upset that he was goofing on him like that. Howard said he had some audio of Ronnie and Gary down there at Scores but he finds all of that kind of stuff kind of boring. He played some clips of Gary doing some announcements at the press party. He said that it would be more interesting if they taped Gary and Ronnie calling their wives and telling them what a crappy time they're having. Ronnie said he would never make that call because he has a great time.
Howard played some audio of Ronnie up on stage addressing the crowd. He had the girls coming up on stage to show the guys what they had. Then he goofed on the name of one of the strippers. The audio quality wasn't that great so Howard asked why they sent a crew down there and they can't even get decent audio. Gary said that the TV show guys didn't mic him when he was on stage, they just got it off of the speakers. Howard said that this has to stop and if they're going to send a crew down there, they have to do it right.
Howard said this all annoys him because they should be doing something if they're going to make the trip all the say down there. He said he's been fighting for a budget to get George Takei in there and meanwhile, these guys are all going to Scores and not covering it right. He said he wouldn't mind it so much if they just mic'd the guys the right way. They didn't even bother to make it look like they were working while they were there.
Howard asked Gary whose fault this was. He wanted a name of someone to take the blame. Gary blamed the TV crew which would have been either Mike Gange or Doug Goodstein. Richard said that it was actually Greg from In Demand gave them the tape because he was covering it. Sal told Howard that it's also Gary's fault for not bringing back some content. Howard said he might be right.
Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that the guys were mic'd with lavaliere microphones but the speakers were bleeding in. Howard said that's not true and what he was hearing wasn't coming through a Lav. Doug told Howard that there were only 3 guys down there from In Demand to cover it. The radio guys only sent Shuli to cover it so that was it. Howard said he hopes that everyone had a great weekend. Doug said that they actually did.
Sal was sitting in Gary's office talking on his mic telling Gary that he did a crappy job. Howard was upset that they didn't work this out and bring back some decent content. Howard said that it doesn't really matter. There was no story there to begin with and they didn't bring back any content. Sal told Gary that he should think about the show first and he should bring back a story whether he does something or not. He said he always brings back tape of his own and it's always good quality.
Howard said he has no problem with his guys going to Scores but they really don't have to bring a crew with them. If they are going to send a crew down there, they should do everything right. The caller told Howard that the camera crew never left the VIP room and they missed the real stories out in the crowd. There were a bunch of strippers from other clubs hanging out there that night.
Ralph called in and said that he can't believe that Gary is saying that he's working when he's there making an appearance. He seems to agree that he's still working for the Howard Stern Show. Howard said that all Gary is really doing is saying hello to the crowd. Gary came in and said that's right, and he admits it. Gary then went off on Ralph. He said that Ralph is good at pointing out stuff that's gone bad after it's done. He said that Ralph has been asked to do things there at SIRIUS and he always freaks out and can't make it happen. He said that Ralph has never produced a show and he's never been the idea man for anything there. Ralph said that's not true.
Ralph was saying that Howard wouldn't be so annoyed if they had come back with some decent content. Gary said that they've done this a bunch of times and they've never had problems with the audio so he wouldn't have expected it this time.
Howard asked if they sent a crew down to the Cliff Palette funeral. The only person they know went down to that was Steve Langford from Howard 100 News. There was no camera crew sent down there. Gary and Ralph went off on each other a little more after that. Gary was saying that he thinks that Ralph will end up missing out on more Friday shows over the next 2 years than he will. Gary was also saying that Ralph loves to pick on people but he never really produced anything of his own.
Howard said that he's questioning the resources that they put into these trips that the guys go on. That's what this whole discussion was about. Jessica Hahn called in a short time later. Howard said that her whole life seems to be based around Howard 100 and 101 and the SternFanNetwork site. She said that she doesn't have much going on in her life right now and she gets bored. She was feeling kind of strange after those comments and wasn't sure she wanted to call in anymore. Robin told her that she loves when she calls in.
Jessica told Howard that on Howard 100 News Doug Goodstein was saying that he wasn't going to be working down there at Scores. He was just going down to party. Howard said that if the crew was going down there on a trip where they were going to get him some tape, they should have made sure that it was going to be audible. Jessica said that they could have done some interviews before the event with some of the girls and stuff like that. She didn't think that Gary should be blamed, it should be the crew who taped it. Howard said that Jessica has a great picture of herself on the SternFanNetwork site that's pretty recent. Jessica said that it's only about a year old at the most. Howard let her go after that.
Howard took another call from a woman who thanked everyone for the laughter they've given her. She told Artie that she loves when he talks about his eating. That led back to them talking about his giant zit for a minute before they had to go to break again.
Howard told Ralph that the story should be about how he's been watching the show for 5 years now and he can't name one character on the show. Robin then asked Howard a bunch of questions about the names of the characters on the show. Howard was able to name some of the characters but not every one.
Ralph said they'll be talking about Shuli's trip down to Scores. They'll also be talking about the diets of some of the staff members on the show. That led to the guys talking about the stuff that Benjy eats. Howard said that Benjy actually eats healthy but he eats a lot of it. Fred said that Benjy brought in something this morning that really stunk and he asked him to please take it out of the studio. Benjy said it was actually Baba Ganush that his girlfriend made for him.
Howard asked Benjy if he can possibly be that hungry all the time. Benjy said that he knows it's psychological and he's been trying not to eat so much. He's been bringing in bags of salad to much on so at least he'd be eating healthy. Howard told him to give his system a rest. Sal came in and told Howard he went to lunch with Benjy the other day and he had to take the chair out from under the table and move it to the outside of the table so he could sit down. Howard thanked Ralph Howard for coming in and let him go.
Howard said that he has no problem putting Riley on the air but every whacko who calls into his show thinks that they deserve a show. Riley said that he has proven that he can get ratings across the country. Riley said that there's a radio show he does for ArtistsFirst.com that is rated number 1 on the service.
Howard told Riley that he will give him that one show he wants but he expects it to be very boring, with no production and it will be one big bore fest. Riley told Howard that the show would involve Tan the Alien (from his book The Coming of Tan) and himself of course. He said he would eventually have guests on the show if he was given the opportunity. Howard told him to get guests on the first show because it's the only one he's getting. When Riley asked for money for doing some voice overs but Howard told him that he's doing him a favor by giving him this show so he's not getting anything.
Riley said that he will talk about many of the things that goes on with the aliens. He started to talk about the aliens and how there's a mother ship out there waiting to pick us up. Artie said that he wants to hear this guy's radio show after he mentioned some of that stuff.
Riley said that his partner on the show will be a guy by the name of Curtis ''Coobie coo'' Cooperman who is his publisher and a friend that he's had for many years. Riley also told Howard and Robin that he's been on coast to coast radio for many years and he's always proven that he can make good radio. Howard told Tim Sabean to schedule a show for Riley. Riley said that the show will be called ''Hello Earth.'' Howard doesn't remember offering Riley a show but Riley told him he wouldn't be on the phone if he hadn't.
Howard told Riley that what he should really be doing is offering up a real alien to interview on the show. Riley can't seem to make that happen though. Riley asked his fans to write into Howard's show and let him know that they'll be listening. He was also saying that he has been on Japanese TV before but Howard told him that they were probably just making fun of him. Riley doesn't seem to think that was the case and they were taking him seriously.
Howard asked Riley to please do something other than just taking phone calls on his show. Riley wanted a date for the show but Tim Sabean wasn't around to give them a date. Artie also added that the real name of the show is going to be called ''Hello Earth, Goodbye Listeners'' but he also said that he's oddly interested in hearing his show.
Howard said that he's going to expose all of this stuff he's finding out about Leslie Moonves. He's going to point out how he's taken $57 million from the company for himself while the company is losing money. The caller wondered if Letterman is going to get fired for bringing Howard on. Howard said he won't get fired because he gets ratings and brings in money for the company. Howard thinks that Leslie will be fired himself within the year.
Another caller told Howard that the CBS suit is bullshit. He also asked Howard if he has seen the movie ''Loose Change'' (Second edition) which is something that was put out on Google video. Howard didn't seem to be interested but told the guy he'd watch it. The guys were suggesting that he submit it to the Howard Stern Film Festival but it's an hour and 20 minutes long so it's about an hour and 15 minutes too long for the festival. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy.
Howard said that he saw Richard Christy's entry into the film festival and it's just not good. He said he did a documentary on Scott the Engineer and it's not all that great. Richard said he finished it up quick so he could get some feedback about it. He wants to work on it a little more now that he's gotten Howard's feedback. Howard said that you get to see Scott bowling and missing all of the pins but it takes a long time to build up to the funny part. Howard said it could have been 10 seconds long. He dragged it out to 3 minutes which was too long. Howard told him to go back and cut it down to 10 seconds.
A caller asked Howard if he thinks that CBS will censor him when he bashes Leslie Moonves. Howard said he doesn't care, that's up to them. If they do censor him, it shows that they're afraid of him. If they don't censor him, that will also show that they're afraid of him.
Gary came in and told Howard that he's supposed to be over there at Letterman's show at 4pm for a 4:30 taping. Gary asked Howard how much of the interview they're going to censor out. Howard thinks he'll be bleeped at least once and they may even cut out whole segments. Howard said that Dave knows why he's coming on the show tonight and if he starts pretending that he doesn't, he's going to call him out on it.
Howard said he'll also be promoting the start of his Howard TV channel. He also announced that Cablevision has added their channel starting tomorrow, March 14th. Everyone was happy to hear that because they haven't had the On Demand channel on until now. Doug Goodstein came in and said that Cablevision has 2 million digital subscribers and they're in the New York area where Howard has a huge following.
Doug also gave Howard a quick update about the submissions they're getting for the Howard Stern Film Festival. He said they have gotten some submissions but they're expecting most of them to start coming in over the next couple of weeks. Howard said he'll be making a movie for the festival himself but he'll have to borrow the In Demand crew.
Howard said he knows a 13 year old kid who wanted to enter a film but he found out that the people who enter have to be 18 years old. Howard figured that maybe his parents could enter the film instead. Doug said he'd do some investigating and find out how they could work around that.
Howard also watched the movie ''Havoc'' which really sucked. He said that he watched it after Mr. Skin told him about Anne Hathaway being in it naked. He said it was very weird and a bad movie. Tom Chiusano lent Howard another movie called ''The Parrots of Telegraph Hill'' which was actually pretty good. He said he enjoyed that one.
Howard said he stayed in all weekend trying to get over this illness he has. He's still sick this morning though. He talked about how he wanted to rest up for when he goes on Letterman's show tonight.
Howard said it was a real bummer that Beetlejuice couldn't perform it again. Richard said that they may have been able to get him to sing something if they got him drunk. Beetlejuice was saying that his voice was screwed up and refused to sing for Richard.
Howard had a clip of Joan Rivers screwing up the introduction of Lee Majors when he walked up to her on the red carpet at the Academy Awards. He played another clip where Joan freaked out on a publicist of one celebrity who pulled the woman away from Joan.
Howard had a clip of Brian Dunkleman from The Wrap Up Show last week. He went off on Ryan Seacrest about the way he treated him when he was on American Idol. He also had another clip of Brian talking to Eric the Midget on their American Idol review show. Brian found out that Eric once voted 445 times for one contestant.
Howard replayed a clip from Bill O'Reilly's show where he went off on a caller who mentioned Keith Olberman's name. He threatened to send FOX Security over to his house to have him turned into local authorities. That led to Howard saying that he got a CD from a guy who calls a sports show down in Baltimore where the guy asks the host ''Hey, how about your mother sucking my dick'' and he keeps doing it over and over again while the host of the show threatens to get him in legal trouble. The guy keeps calling over and over and never does get in trouble.
Howard asked Artie if he could get into this Jazz stuff. Artie said he has to be in the right mood to get into Jazz and he really doesn't know what's going on in most of the Jazz stuff he's heard. He said he does like to hear it sometimes. Fred said the guy sounds good playing piano in the audio that Howard was playing. Howard tried singing along to it but he suggested to Fred that he throw in some Baba Booey clips.
Howard played another clip of his Cousin playing and then started to sing about how much he hates Leslie Moonves. Everyone agreed that Howard's cousin sounded great in the clips Howard played. Howard said he's a nice kid too. He said he sent him an email and suggested that he get into a rock and roll band or something.
Howard asked Artie if he mentioned a band called the Derek Trucks Band. Artie said he did mention it recently. Howard got a bunch of copies of the band's stuff and he said it wasn't horrible but he really couldn't get into it. That led to Howard and Artie talking about going to an Allman Brothers concert. Howard isn't sure he'd enjoy it so he's not sure he wants to go. Artie talked about how he's salivating to go see them because he loves the band.
Howard ended up giving the CDs to Artie so someone will enjoy them. He played some clips from the Derek Trucks Band CD and thought that some of it was kind of cool. He was even thinking of using one of the songs as a song to come back from break with. Robin suggested that they not do that, she wasn't impressed.
Howard said he thinks that his friend Richie Notar hired a publicist because he's been seeing a lot of stories about him lately. He runs the Nobu restaurants and Howard thinks he wanted to get some more credit for what he does. The question and answer article he saw looked like it had pretty basic questions like ''What time do you get up in the morning.'' Artie said he heard that they once paid $37,000 for one blue fin tuna that they bought for the restaurant.
Howard said he watched the movie and still doesn't know if there was a plot to it. Artie said that another movie that he saw that was just bad was ''Saw.'' Howard said that movie was actually good though. This movie that Tabitha made wasn't, according to Howard. He said that it must have been a pretty big budget movie but it's crazy because it was so bad. He said he had to turn it off when he saw her getting hung by meat hooks.
Benjy said that she tried to hire him to shit on her in the movie. He said that he thinks that High Pitch was hired to do that part in the movie instead. Howard said he never saw anyone shitting on her in the movie though. JD came in and said that the movie looked like a piece of Art or something. He had pulled some audio from the movie for Howard to play. In the first clip you hear Tabitha singing ''I know something you don't know...'' over and over again. Howard said you think something's going to happen but it never does. Howard said he ''...knows something you don't know... This movie sucks.''
Tabitha called in and tried to defend the movie. Howard told her that it may have been the worst movie he's ever seen. She said it wasn't supposed to be a porn or anything. She said it's supposed to be about her going on a vision quest to try and get out of the porn business. Artie found out that she put up her own money for the movie and then asked her what the fuck she was thinking. Tabitha said that she put up about $100,000 of her own money for the movie.
Gary came in and told Howard that they had the message that Tabitha left for Benjy where she described the scene that she wanted him for. That's where she asked him to defecate on her in the movie. She mentioned that Benjy's name would be mentioned in the movie if he did the part. Gary thought that was pretty funny.
Howard said that maybe Tabitha should make a cute little movie about some guy who wants to date a porn star or something. He played another clip where the Shamen was talking to Tabitha and said that he was getting exhausted just listening to it. Howard asked Tabitha if she has any ability to realize that a movie is dragging on way too long.
Howard asked Tabitha how much money she's recouped from the movie. She said they just finished it and the copy he had was a screener. Howard told her that it's not a screener anymore, he shredded the DVD. He told her she may want to get back into porno now. He let her go after that.
Richard said that Eric called back an hour later and said that if they could get Carrie Underwood to appear on his second show, he would come back on. Howard played Richard's call to Eric's show where he asked him about his ''midget cock.'' In another call a phony Les Moonves told Eric that he wanted to hire him to do a show for them. Eric said he highly doubts that it was Les but thanked the guy just in case.
Howard played the second call that Richard got from Eric where he said he would come back on if they got Carrie Underwood to appear on his retry of his show. Richard said that message came in about an hour after the last one. Howard said that maybe they'll kidnap her and bring her on his show. Richard said he must have changed his mind.
Fred told a story about how he tore the skin on his penis one time when he was with his wife. He didn't have to go to the hospital though. Gary came in a short time later and said that Sal told him a story that was kind of disgusting. He said that Sal doesn't use a condom. He's uncircumcised and uses his foreskin to catch the load. Then he takes it to the bathroom and lets it out. His wife won't let him blow his load on her because she's so germ phobic. He said he used to blow them on a towel but she won't let him do that anymore.
Howard told Sal that he should just go for it and blow it on her. He said that his marriage is already finished if she won't let him do that. Sal said that she would scream if he did that to her. Howard told him that he should just laugh at her and refuse to change the sheets if she demands it. Sal said he would have to live with even more hell if he did something like that.
Sal said that he used to be able to finish in her mouth before they got married. Then it was her boobs and now that they have kids, he has to finish in his pouch. Howard told Sal that if he's a man, he has to just go for it. Sal said he accidentally discovered that he could save the load in the pouch when he didn't have a towel there in bed.
Howard asked Sal how he can ruin Gary's life by goofing on him as being a monkey but he can't blow his load on his wife. Gary said that if the mess was fine before they got married, what happened once they did get married. Sal said that he has to ask himself if it's worth the aggravation to do something like that.
Fred was surprised to hear that Sal could do that because there's no way he could do it himself. Richard said that he's seen Sal's penis and it's really ugly. Sal was saying it looks like there's a head of cabbage at the end of it.
Gary said that Sal's wife is so germ phobic that one night she made Sal throw out the garbage. When he came back to bed, she changed the sheets because she thought that he had contaminated them with garbage. Sal said that on another night he went to pee and she knew that he didn't wash his hands, she knew it and demanded that he wash them. He went into the bathroom, wiped his hands in his ass crack and then put them on her pillowcase.
Sal had another story about how he had his fingers in her and touched her pillow. She freaked out and changed out all of the sheets because she was disgusted by that. Jason came in with a picture of Sal's penis that was sent out via e-mail one time. Gary said that it looked like a 1950s rocket ship.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he's got a wife and kids and his wife let him blow a load in her mouth this morning. If Sal's wife really loved him, she'd let him do that to her. Howard was pretty disgusted just thinking about King blowing his load. Howard did agree with him about how Sal's wife should let him do that to her.
King said that he got a nice write up about the radio show he did last week. Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that King is part of the Wack Pack even though he keeps denying it. King said he doesn't care either way. Fred found the mention in the paper but it wasn't giving a good review of the show, it was more about his co-host ''Negro Reese'' than it was about King. Howard hung up on King and took another call.
Artie said that he hasn't gone to the shrink yet so Howard wondered when that's going to happen. Artie said that he told Dana that he has an appointment but he really doesn't. Now she'll know. Howard told him it's not a big deal and it's to make him feel better so he should just go. Artie said that he admits he's been trying to avoid going to see the shrink.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked the guys why they give Artie such a hard time about his eating. Howard said he thinks it's funny that Artie eats so much. He said that Artie is fully committed to eating because he eats Devil Dogs for breakfast. The caller said that he feels for the guy because he likes to eat as well and they're kind of brutal with Artie.
Howard had a new Blue Iris prank phone call. They took her audio clips and called another older woman. They had her telling the woman all kinds of sexual stuff and the woman kept hanging up on her. Artie was laughing his ass off through the call. He said he could listen to that all day long. Howard asked Artie and Robin if they wanted to hear it again. Artie said he did and so did Robin so he went ahead and replayed it. They had to go to break after that.
Howard ended up going off on Leslie after he mentioned that whole thing. He said he's going to bash that turd on his own network. He said that Dave doesn't like him anymore than he does and he probably feels the same way about the guy. He said that Letterman doesn't let Les bully him, that's why he likes Dave himself.
Howard said that Leslie likes to talk about all of the women he's banged... but he's not one of the guys. No one wants to hear about his conquests. He said that Les has been to 11 events in the past couple of months. That's how many events the guy has been to since Howard left the company. He should be concentrating on his radio division but he's busy going to parties instead.
Howard let Jon and George go and then had Robin start her news.
Howard said there have been 5 women in his life who have given him great oral, all of the others were horrible. The woman claims that she is good at oral and her husband would tell her if she wasn't good. He said he had another girl who has appeared on the radio show give him oral and it rocked his world. Howard said that if a girl gives good oral, any guy would love it. He let the woman go and had Robin get back to her news.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in during the news and told him that she's going to be down at Letterman tonight. She also mentioned that Beth is in the latest issue of Glamour and she looks gorgeous. She said she'll be entering 2 movies in the Howard Stern Film Festival as well.
A caller told Howard that Letterman is probably going to clam up during the interview tonight. Howard is hoping that Dave doesn't clam up. He said he hopes that Dave joins in on the conversation and talks about what he thinks of Les as well.
One caller told Howard that he managed to get a great deal with XM after hearing a woman call in last week who said she got the $3 a month deal. He said they're actually sending him a new receiver and giving him the $3 a month deal. He's hoping to sell the receiver and actually make some money on the deal. Howard said that when they're getting that desperate, they have major problems over there. Robin said that anyone who is paying $12.95 a month for XM is nuts. It's obvious that you can get a $3 deal. Just threaten to cancel your subscription and they'll give you the deal. Nice!
Howard took a call from a guy during the news who asked him if he thinks that the direction of his channels is going the wrong way. Howard explained to the guy that he likes the way things are going but they will change things if they need to because this is a new thing and they're still trying to figure out how they want to do things. He and the caller spent a few minutes talking about that and about what's going on with CBS' lawsuit and how ridiculous all of that is.
A fan called in late in the show and told Howard that the guy who took over for him down in West Palm Beach has lost almost all of his audience. The caller said that the local guy down there has said that there's no reason to panic yet, the monthly trends can change quickly. Howard said that's true, they need to give the guy some time to build up the audience. He was also saying that his audience is very loyal to him and a lot of them are going to stop listening to the radio all together.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls toward the end of the show. One guy kept asking Howard who he would like to see die in a car crash and other horrible things like that. Howard said ''Leslie Moonves'' after each question... even if the guy didn't give him Les' name as one of the choices.
Henry Hill called in around 11:25 so Howard put him on for a quick discussion about The Sopranos. He gave Howard his thoughts on who would replace Tony Soprano if they kill him off. He also said that the show is unrealistic. He said that there are too many characters who are not real life characters. Howard wanted him to be more specific but Henry was having a hard time getting his thoughts out. Henry let Howard know that he hasn't had a drink in 8 days. Howard said they'll give him a cookie. He wrapped up the show right after that. It was about 11:30am.
Howard said that this news department is going to kill them and they have to figure out a way to stop stuff like this from happening. News Director Liz Aiello came in and said they weren't out to tattle on Sal like Howard seemed to think they were, they're just doing the news like they've been doing for months now. Howard said he understands that but they still need to figure out how to stop stuff like this from happening. Sal said that he was blown away when he found out that it wasn't one of his wife's friends who called her, it was Howard 100 News.
Michelle Jerson said that Sal's wife was laughing and joking around with her while she was on the phone. She had no idea that she was actually mad about what she had just found out. Sal said that she's really pissed now though.
Howard had to head out so he could get some rest before going over to Letterman's show to bash Les Moonves. Sal stuck around and talked about how tough it was going to be to go home today. He said it's an awful feeling. By the time everyone was done with that discussion, it was 11:55 in the morning and the Wrap Up Show hadn't even really started. They were out of time so Jon Hein never got to any of the stuff he had planned for the hour.
Howard started off the show talking about his David Letterman appearance last night. Robin saw the show and he was on for 3 segments. Howard said that CBS has released a statement where they said that he is desperate now that he's going on doing what he's doing. Artie noticed that they didn't promote Howard on Letterman's show when they were promoting it through the day. Howard said that shows that it really does bother them that he was on.
Howard said they tried to keep that quiet and he didn't hear from Vinnie Favale after the show taping. He feels bad for Vinnie that he's in that situation. He didn't get back to him when he IM'd him last night and he thinks that they may have been thinking of cutting the show thing out of the show. Howard heard that WINS was running almost all of the Letterman thing because they like to report things the right way.
Howard read an article about the statement that CBS released about his desperation. He said he really is desperate because he's trying to shine a light on those cockroaches. In the article they (CBS) talk about Howard's appearance on Letterman and how they think it's a desperate attempt to distract people from what's going on with the lawsuit. Howard said he's trying to expose the real reasons for the lawsuit. He does agree that he's desperate though. They left him no choice after calling him a fraud.
The article also quoted Howard from the appearance on Letterman. Howard was wearing his Les Moonves t-shirt that had a picture of Les and his wife Julie Chen going out to a party while the CBS radio division is crumbling.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about the comment he made about Les Moonves handing over the 42 page lawsuit after he said he spent an hour reading it. He wondered if he actually made it past the front page. Howard said that Les probably doesn't even understand the lawsuit. He would like to debate Les on TV to prove that he has no idea what it's about. He thinks that the suit has no merit and it won't go anywhere.
Howard said he finds it funny that people like that get to run a network. He said he's going to have a story to tell soon about Les and how he had an article pulled that was supposed to run. He can't talk about it right now but he will be talking about it in a few days. He said he has the whole story about how Les had it pulled and which magazine he had it pulled from. There are some magazines out there that take a lot of advertising from CBS and that's the reason they would pull a story.
The caller Howard had on the line said he wasn't sure if Howard was actually going to be on Letterman last night because CBS wasn't promoting it. Howard said that they shot themselves in the foot for not doing that because he brings a lot of ratings when he's on. They didn't promote it so they probably didn't get the audience he would usually get.
Howard said that the bottom line is that he's being sued by a corporation that has endless resources and he's got to defend himself. That's why he was on Letterman talking about Les. He said he's okay with them making some money from advertisers on Letterman's show. That way they both get something out of it.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked how long Ralph had to work on the shirt that he was wearing last night. Howard said Ralph didn't have much time but he was able to have about 30 of them made up and he's thinking about giving them away. Robin said he would wear one and wear it proudly. Howard said he thought about putting Les' press photo on the t-shirt but figured it was better to put Les and Julie on it instead. He's not going out of his way to bash Les' wife Julie because she did noting wrong. She just sleeps with the guy and it did her well by being with the boss. She's just married to a jerk.
Howard said he was going to throw out the t-shirts to the audience but he figured it would take too much time. He also had a different version of the shirt. They had one made up with Leslie having devil horns and tail. He loves how Les is out trotting Julie around at those parties he's been going to. Robin said she likes having the 'I hate Leslie Moonves' text on the shirt. She took one of the tan shirts that Howard had made up. She said she would pick it up later on. Artie said he would wear one as well if they had an XL. Fred asked for a white one in XL as well. Benjy wanted one and said that he would wear it every day. The caller also said that he would like one as well.
Robin had to swap out her XXL for an XL because the XXL was too big for her. Artie switched with her. He said he'd love to get an audition for a CBS show and walk into the audition wearing that t-shirt. He thought that would be pretty funny.
Howard said that he's going to be on Sean Hannity's radio program this afternoon around 4:00 or so. He promised him that he would do the show so he's going to do it even though he's kind of tired of talking about all of this nonsense.
Bong Hit Bill called in and told Howard he did a great job on Letterman's show. He said he thinks that Les is a real creep. Another caller told Howard it was a great appearance last night and got Howard back on the subject of the lawsuit. Howard said that he keeps hearing from people who are telling him that Les is still saying that this is not a personal thing. Howard said that if it wasn't personal, they wouldn't have posted his salary in the paper work. He said that he's lucky that he can go on Letterman and Sean Hannity's shows to defend himself. Regular people can't do that when they get sued by a huge corporation like that.
Howard said that he had forgotten that Letterman had done his movie when he was talking about it last night. He said he just can't believe that he's still going through the same old crap even though he's moved to satellite radio where no one was even going to be listening.
The caller told Howard that he's one of the guys who gets to listen to all 6 hours of the show so he doesn't care that they're replaying the show all day long. Howard said that Ralph was complaining about the replays but that's because he gets to hear all of the show in the morning.
The caller said that Bubba was ripping on Opie and Anthony last night so that led to Howard talking about how their ''army'' was out at his Letterman appearance last night... all 5 of them. Howard said that the guys seem to be fans of his as well because some of them were asking to take their pictures with him. Howard went on to talk about how XM is really in trouble and they're willing to do just about anything to keep their subscribers. If you call them and threaten to cancel your service, they'll give you a deal where you only have to pay $3 a month.
Howard said that the thing that really bothers him is the CBS lawsuit. This is the way they're repaying him for 20 years of service and building up that company to what it was before he left. Another caller asked Howard what he and Dave were talking about when they came back from break at one point. Howard said he thinks he was talking to Dave about his hate for Leslie Moonves because he's on one track these days.
Howard said that he and Dave were talking about who is a harder worker. Dave has been taking Friday's off for years and he only does a 43 minute show every day. Howard does at least 4-5 hours a day and he's taking Friday's off now himself. He said he will be taking some Friday's off but he will work the others. He said he could record a show on Thursday, like Letterman does, and then play it on Friday as a new show. He won't actually do that though.
One caller asked Howard to play the Blue Iris prank phone call they played for the first time yesterday. Howard said they'd play that as they went to break but they didn't get to break after playing it... Some people think she's actually talking to the other woman but it's actually audio clips of her from when she was on SIRIUS doing her version of Tissue Time. Artie was laughing almost as hard as he was yesterday when he heard it for the first time.
Wendy said that Howard banged her in the dream. She said that she also rode Howard's cock in the dream and then he had her suck it. Fred played some puking sounds in the background as she was talking about that. Wendy said that Howard didn't wear a rubber in the dream and she ended up having a baby that they named Howard Stern Jr.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Wendy and getting 'yes' answers out of her for just about any question he asked her. He had to take a break after that.
Howard said that people are worried that Artie is going to become diabetic. Artie said he is kind of worried about that because his father was diabetic and some other family members are as well. Robin said that he will probably become diabetic. Some people have asked Howard to leave Artie alone and let him eat whatever he wants.
Howard said that some day Artie will be diabetic and he'll end up having all of his limbs amputated and he'll end up as just a fat head on the show. Artie said he hopes that they amputate his head first. He's planning on exercising soon so he had one of the guys at SIRIUS load up his iPod with some of his favorite music. Artie said he asked the kid to load up the iPod with the stuff they play on The Vault channel there at SIRIUS.
The caller also told Howard that there's another unlikely supporter of his in the CBS lawsuit. He said that Tom Leykis is backing Howard up in this ridiculous case. Howard said he's heard from many people in the industry who are backing him up because they could be caught in the same situation some day. Artie said that there are a lot of people in the entertainment industry who get screwed over all the time by people like Les. They don't have the ability to fight back like Howard does so that's why so many are backing him up.
Howard said that the fighting back is the only thing he really has in all of this. The caller asked Howard for one of his 'I Hate Les Moonves' t-shirts. Howard said they're very popular and all he has left is one of the shirts that doesn't say 'I Hate... '' on it. It just has the picture of Les and his wife on it. They're going fast!
Another caller told Howard that he's got 2 lifetime subscriptions to SIRIUS and he's got friends who can't get rid of their XM radios because no one wants them these days. The caller also asked if he could get in on one of the roasts they're doing on the show these days. Howard put him on hold so they could put him on the guest list.
Captain Janks called in and said that last night's Letterman appearance was his best yet. Howard said that he actually wanted to talk about the Howard TV On Demand thing but they never really got around to it. He said he hates going on those shows and plugging stuff like that but he feels bad for the In Demand guys. That led to Janks mentioning the Weekend at the Christy's show they have on Howard TV where Richard Christy's father shoots a raccoon and skins it. Howard said he didn't think he'd be able to watch that but he was actually kind of into it. He thought it was amazing that the guy hit the thing with one shot.
Janks suggested that Howard go out to do a funeral for Les Moonves. Howard said that if he's fortunate enough to get out of that case, he may just do that. Howard said he's been checking the online odds for the lawsuit and it looks like the odds are in his favor. He will do the funeral for him when that happens.
Janks asked for one of the t-shirts so Howard hooked him up with an XXL white shirt but it didn't have the 'I Hate...'' stuff on it. Janks said he didn't care, he'd just write it on there himself. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about the Letterman appearance.
Howard was about to take a phone call but he ended up talking about Lisa G getting kicked out of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because they found out she was from Howard 100 News. Artie said he kind of scared her because he saw some chocolate cake that she had made and was ready to dig in. Lisa told him it wasn't for him, it was for someone's birthday. It was actually Gary's birthday today so he came in and told Howard what's in that cake and how great a baker Lisa G is. That led to the guys talking about deserts. Howard was saying that the best desert out there is a simple Dunkin Hines brownie mix. He said there's nothing better than that.
Howard spoke to the caller he had waiting. The guy said he watched some of the Letterman appearance last night and wondered what Les' attitude is when he's telling people that the law suit isn't personal. Howard said that Les is trying to say that it's a business thing. He said he might believe him if he didn't do something malicious and list all of his salary while he was there at Infinity. He went off on Les once again. He was also going off on Joel Hollander a bit. Robin said that Joel is one of those guys who will probably be calling him for a job in a few years. Howard said he will never give anyone like that a job.
Howard said he loves how that's the Rock and Roll hall of fame. They escorted Lisa out of the building and got rid of her. Lisa said that she was asked multiple times if she worked for Howard Stern and she kept telling them that she wasn't a Stuttering John type of interviewer.
Lisa said that she was humiliated and asked Steve Leeds what was going on and he helped get her back in there. Lisa said she was told by someone that she was not to ask one bad question, otherwise she'd be kicked out. Lisa said she got back in and Ozzy Osbourne was the best part of the press conference.
Howard heard that the whole thing over all was pretty boring. There were many bands and band members who didn't show up. Lisa said that Debra Harry was there and she's almost 61 but looks great. She also talked a little bit about Ozzy being there but not performing anything.
Lisa gave Howard a quick rundown of what they had coming up on Howard 100 News today at Noon. She said they'll be doing a report on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thing. Also, they'll be talking about the person that they have working there at SIRIUS who looks like Gary. The new Cosmo channel starts today on SIRIUS so they'll be doing a report on that. Howard said he thinks there might be some hot chicks coming in for that channel. They have a party going on this morning to celebrate the launch.
Lisa asked for one of the 'I Hate Les...'' t-shirts because he goes to the same gym as she does. Howard said that would be great if she wore that to the gym and Les saw it. He said that she might not have the balls to wear it if she broke down and cried at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thing. Howard let her go and asked her to give them a heads up about when the Cosmo channel party starts. He said that he and Artie should go out in the lobby and just evaluate the girls as they come in.
Artie said that he saw Richard and Benjy having a really gay conversation yesterday out in the hall. They were trying to move their penises in their pants or something like that. Howard didn't want to hear anything from Benjy so he cut him off and talked more about Richard streaking.
Howard said that he used to love the streaking that went on back in the 1970s. He'd love to see that come back. It was great for a while but then it just stopped. Richard said he once streaked in high school and ended up scraping his private parts when he tripped and fell off of the truck he was riding in. Richard said he was kind of afraid of getting fired for streaking. Benjy said that it's possible he could be charged with a sexual crime if he did it out on the street. Howard said he was officially withdrawing the request for Richard to streak because he doesn't want to get blamed for it if it goes wrong.
Benjy suggested that they open up the curtain in the studio and have Richard dance naked there. They have a window that looks out on the lobby so they could do it that way. Howard tried to take a phone from Jeff the Drunk after that and he was asleep. You could hear him breathing heavy as they were listening in. The guys goofed on him for a short time and talked about what a waste of space that guy is.
Howard had everyone just quiet down and listen to him breathing. Artie said it actually sounded great and he wanted to be home doing the same thing. He also told a story about Jeff asking him for $1,000 when he was up at a gig one time. He thought that was pretty hilarious. They listened in on his snoring a little more and picked apart the way the guy was breathing as he was sleeping.
Artie reminded everyone about the time Jeff tried to get a job at Starbucks and how that might have gone if he had actually gotten a job there. He did his impression of him a little bit. Jeff woke up a short time later and told Howard he did a great job last night on Letterman. Howard asked him how busy he is today. Jeff said he's got nothing going on.
Gary asked Jeff if he gets up and looks for a job every day. Everyone laughed and told Gary he was nuts. The guys talked to Jeff about the Starbucks story but Jeff denied it ever happened. Jeff told the guys that he helped bring his mother to therapy yesterday. The guys were goofing on him and Jeff actually hung up on them. He apparently doesn't like them goofing on his mother.
Will said that the piss was beer piss so it didn't smell too bad. He said he was going to try and fall asleep in the bed but it was too wet to fall back asleep.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw a teaser for Letterman's show last night and there was no mention of Howard in the promo. Howard said they already talked about that but he went on to talk about it again. He said that it just shows that CBS is bothered by all of the discussions he's having about the lawsuit. He said he's speaking the truth and they can't stand it. He went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard took a couple of phone calls. One guy suggested that Howard have Richard streak through the Cosmo party. Howard wasn't even sure what's going on with that channel. He was going to try and bring it up on his computer but he was having a hard time getting there. Gary had to come in and try to help him find the channel. They ended up going to the Coffee House channel instead because the Cosmo Channel wasn't listed. Scott the Engineer came in and told Howard that the channels hadn't been updated on his list yet, that's why it wasn't coming up.
Artie said there were a ton of hot chicks out in the lobby. They actually opened up the shade in the studio so Howard could look out and see what was going on. Gary saw some hot chicks out there. Gary was waving some of the hot chicks over to the window. The guys had a wireless mic out in the lobby so they could talk to some of them. One of the women works for Cosmo and she already works there at SIRIUS. Howard said he finds it amazing that they give just about anyone a job there as a Deejay. Howard told her that she's got a killer body.
Howard asked the woman what she knows about sex since she does a show where she talks about that stuff. Howard asked her about having sex with women and stuff like that. She said that she used to model but Howard didn't think that she was good enough to be a model. She swore she did so Howard asked her to come in and get into a bikini but she had other things to do. Howard asked her if she was a hand model. She said she actually did runway modeling and stuff like that.
Howard got distracted by some of the hot chicks so they actually talked to another hot chick by the name of Serena. She's been working at SIRIUS for 7 years and she started out as the receptionist. Howard asked her what else she's done there. AS she was explaining it to Howard, Richard ran through the lobby completely nude. Gary said there was a look of horror on one woman's face. Richard came running into the studio and said he had fun doing that. It was very liberating to him. Howard thanked the girls and wished them luck with the new channel.
Richard was still naked in the studio. Howard said he told Richard not to do it and not he's afraid he's going to get blamed for it. Richard was starting to get aroused so the guys wanted him to get out of there. Artie told him to get the f-out. They were talking about the bumps he had down on his private parts from the bikini wax he had done.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about the hot chicks out there in the lobby. Scott told Howard that they have the Cosmo channel up so Howard put that on and listened in as a couple of women were talking about the new channel and the party they were throwing.
Gary told Jeff that Howard was saying earlier that his mother might not have to go to therapy if she didn't have him around. Jeff said that she goes to physical therapy, not mental. Howard told him he had to move on after that.
Howard said he heard that Scott Greenstein was freaking out about what Richard had just done. Howard told Scott to calm down but it didn't sound good. Howard took a call from Double A who said that he was very proud of Howard for the interview he did last night with Letterman. He let Double A get that out and then took another call from a guy who said that the appearance Howard made was definitely not scheduled back in January because TV Guide had Vin Diesel listed as the guest.
Gary came in and said that he heard that Scott Greenstein was yelling at their program director Tim Sabean about what Richard had just done. Howard said he likes that Tim gets yelled at about that stuff. Tim came in a short time later and said that he tried to stop Richard from streaking by telling security not to let him out of their area there. They didn't do their job and let him out there. Tim said that they told Richard not to do it and he still went out and did it.
Howard told Tim that they really shouldn't throw a party while they're on the air because there's no telling what might happen. Howard asked Gary to line up all of the Cosmo people so they could pick out the hottest of the bunch. Tim said that they wanted Howard to come on the air with them so Howard said that he would do that at some point today.
Tim said that they'll find out if they're going to have to discipline Richard over what he did sometime later today. Greenstein is busy doing the Cosmo thing right now.
A phone caller asked what happened to Robin's news on the replay that ran last night. Tim didn't have any idea what happened because he didn't hear it, but he said he'd look into it. Another caller said that he was listening to a podcast of a CBS show and even they were supporting Howard in the lawsuit. Howard said he's not surprised by that. He spent a minute on that and then had Gary bring in Kenneth Keith Kallenbach.
Kenneth started to do his act and the first couple of jokes weren't all that great but he did start to get some laughs from the guys. He had a few jokes that went over pretty well but there were many that didn't. Robin said that he started out okay but the material dropped off pretty quick. Howard said he found him to be kind of entertaining even though some of the jokes didn't go over that well.
Ken said that he got some of his jokes out of a book and others came from someone who wrote them for him. He said he has come up with some of his own though. He told some of his own jokes and they weren't really going over that well. Artie said he has a good delivery, he just needs some good material. None of his jokes are ''real'' and about him. Fred said he liked one of his jokes about a cat's ass looking like a pencil sharpener. That was one that Ken wrote himself.
Howard gave Ken a plug for a comedy show that Ken is doing this Friday at the Northeast Philly Comedy Cabaret. You can find out more details at KennethKeith.com. Howard took some phone calls and people thought Ken was actually pretty good.
One phone caller asked Howard how Carrie Underwood looked at Letterman's show last night. Howard said he ran into Carrie after his segment and shook her hand. He said that it appeared that she was kind of frightened of him until he shook her hand. Gary said he could see that she was having some performance anxiety before she went on. Howard thought she looked good on the show but she doesn't seem to have a lot of charisma and her heart may not be in all of that stuff. He said she seemed very nice and he wished her luck with her album.
Howard said that he was supposed to ask Carrie to do Eric the Midget's show but it wasn't the right setting to do that. He spent a few more minutes talking about his appearance and how CBS didn't promote it at all. He took a call from a guy who said that Carrie sucked on the show last night. Howard said he didn't like the song but she was a nice person. The caller asked if he could get in on the next roast. Gary told Howard that they're overbooked already and they're going to have to cut some people. Howard told the guy they're going to be moving the roast to another venue soon so they can have a lot more people down. Gary then realized that the guy just wanted to be in the audience so he corrected himself and said that he could come down for that. He thought the guy wanted to be one of the guys roasting Daniel Carver.
Fred played a few Baba Booey song parody that was to the tune of Billy Joel's ''Downeaster Alexa.'' Howard wished Gary a Happy Birthday after playing that. Gary turned 45 today and he was saying that he forgot that he was turning 45 and actually thought he was turning 44 for a while.
Kenneth Keith was crying as Howard was talking to a guy on the phone. He was just trying to get some attention so he could do a few more minutes of his comedy routine. Kenneth got in a few more jokes. Some of them were funny but Ken would tell a joke and then stare at the guys waiting for a response.
Howard said he was out at a restaurant the other night and heard that Rosie O'Donnell was there and she actually requested a table far away from him. Howard said he wouldn't have even noticed that she was there. He said he actually had to get up and use his cell phone while he was out so he made sure he stayed away from Rosie's table. He said he doesn't have negative feelings toward Rosie and he would have said hello to her if he had seen her. His daughter had no idea who Rosie was when he mentioned her name. He had to explain to her that he had given Rosie a hard time years ago and he couldn't even remember why.
Howard took some phone calls after wrapping up with Kenneth Keith. One guy was asking about Artie's breakfast snacks and wondered how much he'd eaten this morning. Artie said if they were going to count his drinks, it was about seven. The caller also wanted to ask Artie some Howard Stern trivia. He asked one question about a name that Howard used to call himself when he was role playing with his ex-wife. Artie didn't know what it was so Howard had to tell him it was Mr. Zeremba. They had to go to break a short time later.
I lost power, multiple times, at my home around 8:45am so I missed some of the last minutes of Ken's appearance. The power went in and out a few times so I heard bits and pieces... Then it went out all together so I had to move out to my car with my laptop so I could continue my write up.
When Joan came in Howard told her that she was wearing a horrible dress and it wasn't showing off her figure in any way. He got right into it with her and asked her how many client's she has. She said she doesn't really have a regular client list like a working woman would. She said she has gone through times when she has made between $1000 and $7,000 a month though.
Joan told Howard that she has a spanking fetish so she likes to get spanked for up to 5 hours at a time. She doesn't bleed from her ass or anything like that. She said that she will get sore of course. She was also telling Howard that she has gotten her nipples pierced for her men and they have been pierced with hypodermic needles. She said that the men will get off on that stuff and they will pleasure themselves.
Howard wanted to see her pierced nipples so he had Joan pull down her shirt to show them what it looked like. Howard let out a moan when he saw what was going on. Robin did the same thing and said that she was in pain just looking at it. She said that the guy that did it to her was in his 50s. She said that she's been with this guy for about 4 years now. He's also sewn her labia shut! Howard asked her how that went down. She interrupted Howard's questioning and said that he's a much better looking person than he makes himself out to be. Howard then told her that he wanted to sew her mouth shut.
Howard got back to the sewing thing and asked her what was up with that. She said that she would actually come up with weird stuff like that and suggest it to the guy. She said the piercing thing doesn't bother her that much anyway.
The guys spent some time talking to Joan about this pain fetish she has. She said that she really doesn't have a pain fetish, she's not sure exactly where it came from. She admitted that she had been raped at some point in her life.
Howard noticed that Joan's ''meats'' were hanging out down below. She showed Howard what they looked like because they had been sewn up not that long ago. Howard let out another moan when he saw what was going on down there. She said that they usually look nice but since she had the lips sewn up, they were a bit swollen.
Howard asked Joan about having a woman's fist inside of her. She's had it done to her and she said she did it to a woman just yesterday. He went on to read some more notes about what she's done. She had a bunch of stuff in her book that Howard read through. He read that she was once addicted to heroin. She said she went into a hospital program and got off of that stuff.
Howard gave Joan a plug for her book and then took some phone calls for her. One guy said that it's a good thing they sewed up her vagina because he couldn't take it if she had kids. She said that she doesn't plan on having any kids anyway. Howard asked her if she would be willing to let a guy hit her over her head with a chair. She said she wouldn't so Howard asked her why she would let someone sew her labia shut. She said she gets off on that kind of stuff.
Richard Christy came in and asked her if she could put her hand in her mouth and sing Happy Birthday to Gary. She said that she doesn't do stuff like that. Richard said that she shouldn't like doing what she does, she should hate what she's doing if she's a submissive. Richard asked her to please do that but she refused. He then asked her to get on her knees, flap her arms like a duck and scoot across the floor. She was offended by what they were asking her to do. She said she only does what turns her on, she wouldn't do any of the stuff that Richard was suggesting.
Howard read that she's into heavy enema play but she said there's nothing like that in her book. Howard asked Will where he got that from. Will said that she told him that when he did his pre-interview. She said she never said that she exploded on the floor like Will had written. Richie Wilson came in and asked Joan if she would let him spank her with his shoe while she's bent over. She said she would do it if his shoe is clean.
Richie had her hike her dress up so he could spank her. She wasn't wearing any underwear. He told her to say some stuff but when she'd start to talk, he'd tell her to shut up and then spank her. He Kept spanking her on the same side so it hurt even more. He eventually hit her on the other side and then both at the same time. Richie asked her to say that she was a meat wagon but she refused so Howard told her to keep spanking her until she said it. She was talking and complaining too much so Gary asked what's up with that. She said that she was just talking about what was going on with her like they wanted her to and they were getting mad.
Howard told Joan that it's a very strange world that she lives in and it's odd how some things go and some done. He asked her for a reason to buy her book. She said that her feelings were hurt but her book is very funny, that's why they should buy it. Sal came in and said that her book sucks and stinks as he was ripping it up. Howard kicked him out.
Joan got in a couple of plugs for web sites like ThePleasureChest.com and VCream.com. She was saying that she has to use the V-Cream stuff to help her cum because she's on anti-depressants and she needs help there. She was saying that she wanted to punch Sal in the face for ripping up her book. Sal came back in and ripped it up even more.
A phone caller asked Howard to put this chick on Meet the Shrink. Howard thought that might be a good idea and Joan said that she might go on. One guy asked Howard to get this whiny bitch off the air. He told her to shut up and asked someone to smack her. Another caller asked her what the f-is wrong with her that she would have her vagina sewn shut.
Howard let Joan show off some of her toys before wrapping up with her. He then asked her if she wanted to pleasure herself before leaving. She wanted to massage some of the guys on the show instead. Howard said that JD might be the guy for that. She said she didn't want to force him into anything he didn't want to do but Howard told her that he's into anything she's up for. It turns out she wanted to pleasure herself while JD sat and watched her. JD came in and Joan started to do her thing. She was talking a lot and told him that she was looking for someone to help her get off by rubbing her g-spot. They don't do any penetration stuff on the air though so Howard told her they weren't going to do it.
Howard tried to get things rolling but Joan just kept talking and talking instead of getting to the sexy stuff. JD was telling her what to do and had her rubbing herself harder and faster. He was laughing as he was making suggestions. He had her trying to imagine him on top of her but he kept laughing as he was saying it. Howard told him to stop doing that.
JD told Joan to imagine him sliding himself into her. She said that he was young enough to be her son so it was kind of odd. Howard asked her to make some noise or something while she was doing that. Howard gave up and wrapped up the interview. Sal came back in and wanted to say something but Joan didn't want to talk to him. Sal asked her to do the interview with a bag over her head but she wasn't listening anymore. Howard went to break a short time later.
George Flowers was sitting on the couch where Joan was pleasuring himself but he refused to sit anywhere near where she was sitting. Gary said that George is a really class guy and he's not into that stuff that Joan was doing. Howard and the guys ended up talking about JD and what a douche he comes across as when they give him a great chance like he had with Joan earlier.
Howard told the guys that he doesn't want to go out and just hang out at the Cosmo party like a dick. He said he's willing to talk to the new morning hosts but that's about all he wants to do. He went on to tell a story he heard about the Cosmo channel and how they found some of the hosts. They ended up hiring the SIRIUS receptionists friend who she had brought in to audition with her. They passed on the receptionist and went with the friend instead. Howard tuned into the Cosmo channel and found that they were playing some music. Howard said that maybe they should play some music too.
Robin said that she didn't watch that show because she thought Howard didn't like it. He said he doesn't like it but he's still addicted to it.
Jon Hein was in to give a preview of the Wrap Up Show as well. He quickly went over some of the subjects that they'll be covering today. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard said that Sam Simon is a weird dude because he got a note from him saying that he's got friends who have been involved in big lawsuits like the one Howard is in and they lost each time. Howard read the note to Artie Sam was basically saying that Howard may not have a chance up against CBS in the case because the good guy doesn't always win. Howard said he felt that Sam was trying to undermine his positive outlook in the case. He said it's kind of like sending someone a get well card but writing that you've had friends who have died from the disease you have but maybe you'll be on eof the lucky ones. Howard said that Sam may not think that he's being negative but that's the way it came across.
Howard read a note from a fan who saw the Terri Hatcher story in Esquire magazine and thought it was kind of weird that she was talking about getting sexually abused as a child while she was on the cover of the magazine in panties.
Sam Simon was on the phone because the guys in the back called him and didn't bother to tell him why they were calling. Howard told him that the note he got from him was kind of negative and he wasn't all that thrilled about it. He said that it's actually one of the worst letter's he's ever gotten. Sam said that whenever a friend of his is in a lawsuit, he feels for them and can't believe what goes on. Howard asked him if he knows how that makes him feel when he gets a not like that.
Howard read the note back to Sam and asked him why he would want to read something like that. Sam said he didn't know, he was just expressing his thoughts on the case. Howard thinks that Sam was basically saying that he will probably lose the case and that kind of freaks him out. Howard didn't think it was a very uplifting message. He though that maybe he should go and kill himself after reading that.
Al Rosenberg called in and said that we all have friends who don't want them to be happy and that's what Sam seems like. He said that he should leave Howard alone when it comes to that case, he's got enough stuff on his plate to worry about. Sam said he can't talk about the cases he was involved with. Al said that's because he's a loser and Howard isn't.
Ralph called in and said that Sam wasn't directing that note toward Howard. He said that Sam just isn't an upbeat guy. He said that Sam would send that note to anyone he knows, not just Howard. Sam told Howard that he's crazy and he will probably never write him another letter in his life. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Sam about the letter. Ralph also said that maybe Sam should have sent him a note about the lawsuits that he has actually won instead of bumming him out the way he did.
Sam wondered if Artie was out today because he wasn't saying much. Artie said that he was defending Sam earlier because he though that you could look at the letter as being something that was saying that Howard should be fighting even harder than he is. Sam even told Artie that was a pretty far reach. Sam sounded a little shaken by the whole conversation. Howard was going to let him go but he spent a minute talking about a note he got from Booker over at CBS who told him how bad he feels for him now that the case is out there. Howard said that was all nice but he doesn't want people to feel bad for him.
Sam tried to rewrite his letter by telling Howard how he really feels. Fred played a bombing sound effect as Sam was going through that. Sam wasn't making things better though. He was still telling Howard that the case isn't a guaranteed win. Howard said he knows that but there are a lot of legal experts out there who think that the case is nonsense and he's hoping that the judge that gets this case will think the same thing. He knows it's possible that won't happen though.
Artie wondered if Sam thinks that he might have some subconscious anger in him that came out in that letter he sent to Howard. Sam said he realizes that the letter wasn't encouraging and it should have been. He said the point of the letter was just to share some information with Howard. Howard said it was a horrible story though and he didn't have to send it. He told Sam to keep sending him that kind of stuff, it's just what he needs. He let Sam go after that. He told him he loves him and Sam said that he will never e-mail him again.
Sam said that the note wouldn't have bothered him if they had sent it to him. Howard said that's because he doesn't feel for other people. He wanted to wrap up with Sam so he could get back to Robin's news. Sam asked if he could stay on for the news but Howard told him ''no'' and hung up on both Sam and Ralph.
Howard got back on the subject of the Letterman show for a few minutes after a caller had brought it up. He and the guys spent a few more minutes on that before moving on to other things. He said he was glad that Dave let him do his thing on the show last night. He thought that Dave was kind of dicky when he mentioned that he was taking Friday's off and acting like he wasn't working that hard. Howard pointed out that Dave only works 4 days a week and does 43 minutes of show for each day. He pointed out that he works more in a month than Dave does all year so he shouldn't have been talking about how he doesn't work hard. He works a lot harder than Dave does.
Howard wrapped up the show around 11:15am.
Howard said that he was very busy yesterday after the show. He was on Sean Hannity's radio show and the guy has 500 stations. Hannity says that the stations have been ''Hannitized.'' He said he saw a map of all of the stations he's on and almost the whole country was covered. Howard said he had about 60 at the height of his popularity, he's not even sure exactly how many he had. He said the radio show went on very long and spent about 2 hours with him. He thought it was going to be about 15 minutes.
Howard said he had some fun bashing Leslie Moonves all day long. He doesn't usually go on other radio stations so he got to visit the ABC Radio studios when he went on Hannity's show. It wasn't the nicest location but he'd give it a B- grade compared to a D- for the old K-Rock studio.
Howard said that he went to Hannity's studio with his agent Don Buchwald and Ronnie the Limo Driver. Sean thought that Don was his lawyer but that isn't the case. He's an agent, not a lawyer. Howard described the scene there at Hannity's studio and said that he sits there and does everything himself. There's a whole room filled with hot chicks and they don't buy into Sean's politics. They work for him producing stuff but they're all liberals and wanted to go to Scores with Ronnie.
Ronnie said that one of the women was Hannity's producer and they're all for hanging out. They brought Ronnie into the control room and told him that they wanted to go to a Scores party. Howard said that he got into a discussion with Hannity about the women he works with and told him it was okay to be attracted to the women he works with. Hannity kept telling him that he's only attracted to his wife and doesn't read Playboy or anything like that. Ronnie said that the chicks were all laughing at Hannity's routine as he was talking about not being attracted to them.
Howard said that Hannity was taking calls for Howard at the end of the 2 hours and a lot of fans were calling in and talking about how great SIRIUS was so that was nice. Gary thought that Howard was great with Hannity and they worked well together. Gary thought that the discussion they had about gays and gay marriage was actually very interesting. Hannity is against gay marriage so they spent some time on that subject. Howard said they never got to finish that discussion.
Gary was saying that Hannity was saying that children should have a mother and father so that's why he doesn't want gay marriage to be legal. The guys were saying that there are a lot of heterosexual parents who shouldn't be having kids though.
Howard said that there were a lot of commercials on Hannity's show and it drives Hannity nuts. Gary said that they do a real radio show over there so they have a news guy who was doing reports about the same stories over and over again.
Howard said that Hannity's cell phone rang during the show and it was his wife. His wife wanted to talk to Howard so Sean handed the phone over to him. She then went on to tell Howard that she was involved in an accident and she wanted him to tell Sean about it. Howard said he waited a short time before he talked to him about it and that led to Sean calling his wife back to talk to her about it. Howard thought it was kind of funny that he was talking about how great his marriage is and then his wife won't even tell him about the accident she was just in.
Howard talked about the discussions that he and Hannity were having about religion. He said that he was telling Hannity that he doesn't need a made up story to make him a good person. Hannity was telling Howard that if he's not a good person he won't go to heaven so Howard told him he doesn't know that, that's just his belief.
Howard pointed out that Sean was a big supporter of his as far as the CBS lawsuit goes so he appreciates that. When a company tries to smash talent like that, it effects many people in the industry. That led to Howard talking more about Leslie Moonves and how he screwed over Dan Rather after he reported a story wrong. He said that Rather did a lot of years of hard work for that network and Leslie screwed him over. Dan was loyal to CBS for many, many years.
Howard said that if Mel Karmazin was still at CBS at the time, he wouldn't have allowed Rather to be let go in the way he was. Howard seems to believe that Les Moonves saw an older man who was an easy target and just let him disappear. Howard said that Leslie is the kind of guy who only bullies the weak.
Howard took a call from a guy who thought that yesterday's Hannity show was his best ever and it was probably Howard's best appearance on any show. He said he's a fan of both Howard and Sean Hannity so he enjoyed the interview. Howard said he had a good time over there. The caller asked if they're going to be playing any ''Win Fred's Money'' anytime soon. Howard told him they are planning some so the guy asked to be put on the list.
Howard got back to the CBS lawsuit discussion and spent a few more minutes on that. He was also talking about how Leslie Moonves will back down to anyone powerful. He only takes on the people he believes are weak. This time, with Howard, he's made a mistake because he's not going to back down.
Howard said that Julie Chen's career sure has taken off since she started sleeping with the boss (Leslie Moonves). He said that he's not going to go down that route though.
Artie said that the things that CBS is saying about Howard in the lawsuit is unreal. He's a private citizen who is being sued by a corporation and it's really not cool. Howard went on to play some audio from some news reports where they listened to some clips from Letterman's show. Artie thought that Letterman sounded kind of brutal when he was goofing on Howard for bringing up a counter suit. He also made a comment about how it would be nice to see things go Howard's way ''for a change.''
Howard played some more clips from the news report he started to play earlier and one of the guys was saying that he thinks that this is all a publicity stunt coordinated by CBS and Howard Stern. That didn't make any sense to one of the reporters. Robin wondered who these guys were because Howard hadn't said who he was playing. Howard said it was from a CNBC show. JD came in and said it was CNBC's ''On The Money'' show.
Howard had another clip of Keith Olbermann talking about the Letterman appearance he made on Monday night. Keith mentioned many of the things that went on during the Letterman appearance. Howard interrupted and said that this is just ''Stage 1'' of his battle against Leslie Moonves. He said he's going to go into hibernation for a short time and then he will come out swinging with ''Stage 2.'' He said that you can never underestimate the enemy.
Howard played more audio from Keith Olberman's show and ended up talking more about Leslie Moonves' ridiculous lawsuit. He said that Leslie is a dummy who picks television shows and he believes that CBS will go down in the ratings while the other networks pick up. Robin said that their whole franchise right now is CSI so when people get sick of that, they're done. Howard said that Les is nothing more than a program director.
Howard took a call from a guy who defended Letterman. He said he didn't think Letterman was coming after him like they were saying earlier. Howard said he agrees that Dave wasn't coming after him and he was very happy with the appearance. He said he has no problem with Dave.
Robin and Howard were talking about some of the other freaky looking people on the show. One of the guys looks kind of like Shuli. Howard said that they put makeup on the guy's face last night and he looked like Grandpa Al Lewis. Howard said that the Pickler chick is really annoying. He was making fun of her accent and some of the comments she made last night.
Gary told Howard he was looking at Hannity's web site and he wasn't able to find any products for sale. Robin thought he did have some stuff for sale but Gary went through it and found that he just has a book club and a song club, but no products for sale. Howard thinks the guy makes a lot of money out on the lecture circuit so he probably doesn't need to sell anything on the web site.
Howard wants to have a ''Girls of Hannity vs. Girls of SIRIUS'' competition. He also said that he's going to bring those girls to Scores soon. Ronnie came in and told Howard how into it all of the women seemed to be. He said he told the girls that they aren't allowed to bring any of their husbands or boyfriends with them. Ronnie also said that he beat off thinking about this one chick, Jessica, he met over there.
Gary brought in some pictures of the girls from Hannity's show and showed them to Howard and the other guys. He had gotten one of the links off Hannity's web site and printed them all out. Howard said that they should have a bathing suit competition. He had to take a break a short time later. As he went to break he played a new call that Sal had created when he got a wrong number call to his phone yesterday. The woman was looking for someone so Sal played the part and pretended to be beating the crap out of his dog and his wife... until the woman on the phone hung up.
Howard replayed Artie's new favorite prank phone call that they started to play on Monday. It's a call that the guys in the back made using Blue Iris audio clips to call another older woman. Artie seems to love the way the woman speaks back to Blue Iris and the way Blue pronounces some of the words she says.
The caller who was on the line said he loved hearing Richard Christy streaking yesterday. Howard said that they'll have that on Howard TV On Demand soon. The guys in the back replayed that clip for Howard so that got a few laughs. Howard said that any of the Christy stuff on Howard TV is worth watching.
The caller asked if he could get into the Daniel Carver roast later this month. Gary said he'll put him on the list but Bob Levy is also working on the list so he's not sure how many people they have on the list already.
Lisa G came in with a quick news preview. She said they'll be doing a report on how Howard finds some of his Wack Pack members. Howard said he doesn't even remember how they found most of those guys. He did remember when Beetlejuice came in for the first time though. Lisa said they'll also be talking to Richard Christy about the streaking he did yesterday and how odd that was. Lisa said they'll also be talking to the crew about their favorite channels there at SIRIUS.
Howard read through some mail about his Letterman appearance. He got some mail about The Bloodhound Gang doing a show. Howard said he had no idea they did the show already. He would have promoted it if he knew about it. Gary told Howard that he gave him some cards to promote that stuff and he overlooked it. All of those shows are now airing on Howard 101.
Howard read some mail about the Blue Iris prank call that Artie loves so much. The guys think that they should do something new with her every week. Howard had Blue Iris on the phone so he spent a minute talking to her. Blue said that she was sick recently and was bleeding internally... Having a backwards period. She was in the hospital for five days. Howard asked her what went on when she met this young man that she had mentioned that she tried to seduce. She said that she got the guy to pull down his pants and told him that she had never done anyone in a hospital bed.
Blue said that they had to operate on her and they removed two polyps. Howard said that he assumes that this guy she did ended up vomiting as he was doing her. She said that she didn't want to go out without having sex. Howard asked her if the guy took off all of her clothes. She said the hospital gown was slit up the side so he just went in that way.
Howard figured that she must have been quite ''pungent'' after not cleaning up for a few days. She claims that she took one every day and didn't stink. She also told Howard that she believes that Howard will win his lawsuit. She asked if she could have one of his 'I Hate Leslie Moonves Tour'' t-shirts. Howard told her he gave away his last one already so he didn't have one for her. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said that he just saw something called a Viagra Ring that you can get at ViagraRing.com. It has a hole cut out it so you can hide your Viagra in it. He said he can't imagine having something like that. Artie said he's seen ecstasy rings in clubs before but not a Viagra ring.
Randolph said that he would stop the class and tell the students about the erection and explain it to them why he gets something like that. These were 8 year old boys he was explaining it to so there was some laughter and giggling according to the caller.
Randolph said that he would also excuse himself to go to the bathroom to finish himself off. He wouldn't tell the kids that he was going to do that of course. He said he would never masturbate in front of the class but he would explain it to the students. He says that he's actually gotten thanks from some of the students over the years.
Howard found out that the guy is married and has children of his own. He hasn't told his wife why he was fired yet though. Howard took some phone calls to see what the fans were thinking. One guy said that he'd like to back this guy up because he has a problem getting erections in public as well. Howard told the guys that he was fully aroused himself because he was playing with himself under the console. He believes that you can hide that stuff though. Some other callers believe that he shouldn't be allowed to teach kids about having erections like he claims he was.
Randolph said he wants his job back and he's going to fight the school to get it back. One caller told Howard that he's a teacher and has never gotten an erection in front of his students. Another caller said he's studying to be a teacher now and he would make sure to get out of the room before he got a full erection.
Howard asked him more about beating off and how he goes about telling the students about how he does it. He said that he will excuse himself telling them that he's heading out to relieve himself. He once had a student follow him into the teacher's lounge and into the bathroom one time but he didn't do anything.
Howard took a few more phone calls for the guy and let some people go off on him. Some people said that he can't just teach kids sex education stuff if he's not supposed to. The caller thinks that Randolph is out of his mind. One woman said that she thinks he's out of his mind as well. Randolph said that he thinks he can get his job back but if he doesn't, he'll just move on to another school. Robin wondered how he can get a job after losing one for this reason. The guy didn't answer her on that question.
One caller told Howard that this is great because it will expose the guy for what he's all about and hopefully keep him from getting another job teaching students.
Fred played one of Artie's voice mail messages where he called in sick back when they were at K-Rock. Artie didn't know that they could play those but they didn't produce them at K-Rock, they were just voice mails. Fred played another one that Artie left and he knew that it was going to be used on the air.
Artie said he never heard that antibiotics would weaken his immune system, he just takes whatever the doctor gives him. Fred played a song parody that Richard Christy created using Artie's sick calls. He sings about Artie being ''Sick All The Time.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he really liked the Sean Hannity interview yesterday and it's probably the first time that Hannity has lost control of his own show. The guy was also telling Howard how great the show has been and suggested that he tell the guys at CBS to suck his dick.
Howard said that Savanna was looking really good today. He said he remembers when she was just a dancer at Scores. Now she's in porn and has her own line of wine. Howard said he tried to talk Savanna out of going into porn but that didn't work.
Howard told Savanna that they're going to play a game with her today. He explained the delivery guy thing that they talked about earlier where they'll have a guy come up to the studio and offer him either a tip or the chance to touch Savanna and feel her up. Howard said that they were going to start out with like a $100 tip but Artie said they should start out with a $20 tip because they probably don't even get that much.
Howard asked Savanna what she was actually willing to do. She told Howard she'd be willing to do just about anything he asked her to do. When she said that she'd even give the guy a reach-around, Artie asked if he could play. Benjy told Howard that those guys could buy a chick in New York City for a couple hundred bucks. Howard said that he's going to offer the guy the chance to rub up against Savanna while she's naked.
Howard and the guys were still trying to figure out exactly what to offer the delivery guy who was already on his way up there. The suggestions ranged from $5 to $20 as a start. Howard was still thinking in the hundreds for a tip. Howard said that if the guys take a $20 tip, that would be really insulting to Savanna. Artie said he thinks the guy will actually take the $20 tip. They were going to go up to $50 and then offer to let the guy spank Savanna. Then it became letting the guy lay on top of Savanna while she's naked.
Sal came in and said that it should be $10 for nudity, $20 for feeling up and $50 for laying on top of her. Howard said that was fine so he was going to take bets from the crew about what they think will actually happen. A lot of the guys think that the guy is going to feel her up instead of taking the $20. Howard thinks the guy is going to take the $10 and run.
Gary came in and told Howard that the guy is perfect for the game. He doesn't speak English so they have to have an intern in to interpret if they need that. The guy's name was Isaac and he did understand a little bit of English. He has never heard of Howard Stern. They found out he makes about $300 a week doing deliveries. He makes about $5 per tip. Howard asked the guy when he last got laid and found out it was just last week. Then he told him he would give him $10 or let him feel up Savanna. Savanna stood up and let him check her out. Then he asked him if he would take the $10 or feel her up. Isaac said that he would take the $10.
Howard asked Isaac if he had offered him $20 or the chance to see Savanna fully nude. Isaac told Jeanette that he would rather see her naked than take the $20. Howard then offered the guy either the $20 tip or to see Savanna naked. At first he was going to take the offer to see her naked instead of the $20 until he found out that the $20 was off the table if he saw her naked. Then he wanted the money.
Howard asked him if he would like to lay on top of Savanna while she's naked. He said that he can't do that so Howard asked him why and explained to him that it's perfectly legal. The guy took the $50 instead of the nudity and feeling up. Sal came in and made some suggestions on how to keep the game going. They gave the guy the $50 and Howard asked him if he gave him back $5, he would let him squeeze Savanna's boobs.
Isaac took Howard up on the offer so they took $5 from him and let Isaac feel her up. Savanna went over to him and let him feel her up. He asked if it was okay before he actually went for it. Then Artie was yelling out ''Policia! Policia!'' trying to scare the guy. Howard asked him if he wanted to keep playing but he was done at that point. Artie told Gary to pretend to arrest him out in the lobby for rape.
Gary said they had another guy who should be there any second. Howard said he's going to offer the guy fifty cents or to see Artie naked. He was also saying that he might start out a little lower with the next guy.
Howard talked about this movie remake of ''The Devil and Miss Jones'' that Savanna was in. He watched it recently to beat off when Beth wasn't around. He said that the beginning of the movie was kind of boring so he almost had to forward through about half of it to get to the good stuff. He said that no one should have to wait through half of a porn movie to beat off. Savanna said that the director took it pretty seriously so that's why it was like that.
Howard said he beat off at the pool scene in the movie and didn't finish watching it. There were more scenes after that according to Savanna. She said there's one scene where she's with a group and another one with two guys. She told Howard he needs to see that stuff.
Savanna also talked about her wine and went through the process of how she came up with that. She was also talking about how she's still doing movies where she has sex with other men and her husband actually likes seeing that stuff.
Howard asked Savanna if she wanted to ride the Sybian. She didn't know what it was so Howard had the guys bring it out and show her. They were about to get into that but the next delivery guy, Oscar, was there. Gary said that the guy was an older guy and spoke no English.
Howard had the guy come in and he said that he is Columbian, not Mexican and this is his first week on the job. He said that he doesn't get big tips but he expects that he's about to get one. Jeanette the Intern was interpreting again but she had a lot more to do this time since this guy spoke no English. Howard told Oscar that he was going to give him either $10 or feel Savanna's boobs over her shirt. He said he would rather take a picture and not even feel her up.
Jeanette was busy trying to explain to him what the offer was. He decided to take the boobs instead of the $10 tip. Howard told him to go ahead and feel her up as much as he wanted. As he was feeling her up Fred was playing some horn honking sound effects. Howard made him another offer... $20 or to see Savanna naked. Oscar asked Savanna what she wanted but the guys told him it was up to him. He said that his fingers were tingling from the last time. He took the chance to see Savanna naked because the money wasn't that important.
Savanna got naked so Howard asked Oscar what he thought. He was speechless. Savanna was taking her underwear off and Oscar was getting tempted by what he was seeing. Howard then offered him a $100 tip or the chance to hump her with his clothes on while she laid on the couch. They had to tell him he had to keep his clothes on though.
Oscar asked what he could do while he was on top of her. The guys told her that he could move around on her if he wanted to. Then Howard upped the money to $200 and no dry-humping. Oscar was still ready to hop on top of Savanna. He went right over to her and clapped before hopping on top of her. Artie was laughing his ass off as Oscar hopped on. Oscar wanted to kiss her but they told him that she's married and he can't do that. He stayed on top of her for a few seconds and then Savanna got on his lap. She was giving him a very aggressive lap dance according to Howard.
Howard told Gary to give this guy at least a $50 tip and let him leave. Oscar thanked them for the money and left. Howard said that was a real man, he turned down $200 just to lay on top of Savanna.
Howard gave Savanna a plug for her new movie ''Any Way You Want Me'' which you can get at UniversityOfSavanna.com. Howard then took a call from a woman who said she would pay Savanna $500 just to let her lay on top of her. A guy called in and asked how he could become a Mexican and get in on the game. Howard said he liked the game and they might have to play it again sometime.
Howard asked Savanna to get on the Sybian. As she was getting ready for that she was telling Howard she's been shooting a reality show pilot. She said that they would be showing her naked in the show and showing her busy life. Howard talked to Savanna about the girl she met on a plane one time who she has sex with sometimes. She said that she's kind of a Reese Witherspoon type and the two of them hit it off right away on the flight they were on. She said that they actually held each other and cuddled up on the plane.
Savanna said that they hooked up right after the flight and went back to the other chick's place. They were actually making out at the bar they went to after the flight. She ended up staying at the other chick's place for about 3 days and there wasn't much foreplay before they actually did each other.
Howard got back to the Sybian and had Savanna hop on the thing. They told her she didn't have to use the attachment if she didn't want to put it inside her. Gary controlled the Sybian and tried to get her off. She said the faster it goes, the better it is. He turned it up to about 60 percent and had her moaning and saying that she was going to have an orgasm. Howard had Gary keep the thing right around 60 percent and it seemed to be working perfectly. Artie said that she was giving him an orgasm. She said she had an orgasm and she felt like she was about to faint.
Howard asked her to explain to them exactly how they were feeling. Savanna said that she felt like she was about to pass out from the thing and she swore that she really did have an orgasm. Howard said she couldn't even walk after riding the Sybian. He said she looked like she was drunk. Robin said that she actually fell onto the couch when she walked over to it.
Savanna said that the vibration was a little too much, too quick for her. Mike Gange came in and asked if she was thinking of anyone in the room. She said she was looking at Howard but she did close her eyes and kept it kind of personal. She told Robin that she should give it a try but Robin isn't into that.
Savanna said that she wasn't dizzy anymore and she wasn't shaky from the vibration. Bob Levy called in and told Howard that he owes him a new radio because he just shot a jellyfish on it and it was smoking. He said he was out of breath as well. Another caller told Howard that he should have a channel just for the Sybian. Howard said that they should replace the Cosmo channel with the Sybian Channel. Savanna said that the Sybian was great for a quick release. She said that it was also a good thing she's not a squirter.
Captain Janks called in and said that he ran off a batch during that and he thinks he could tell just when Savanna had her orgasm. Howard wasn't able to tell when that happened though. Howard took a few more phone calls and gave Savanna some plugs for her web site. One guy said that she's the best porn star guests he's ever had on the show. Another guy mentioned that Savanna did a gang bang movie that was great. Savanna told Howard about the movie, which is called ''Savanna Samson Super Star'' and how she gave all of the guys anal and really enjoyed it. She said she was feeling kind of claustrophobic at first but eventually loosened up.
Savanna got in another plug for her wine and you can find out more about that at SavannaWines.com. Doug Goodstein came in and said that this show will end up on Howard TV starting tomorrow night. They're going to edit it starting in about 5 minutes and they'll have it ready to go by tomorrow night. Howard wrapped up with Savanna a short time later after taking a few more phone calls. He went to commercial after that.
Howard said he saw an article in the Enquirer about Dana Reeve. She apparently made a request to keep her son in the same house, in the same neighborhood with neighbors that they really liked. Howard thought that was pretty cool of her to think all of that out before she passed away. He said he was never that thoughtful when he thought about what would happen to his kids if he died. He said that maybe he'd leave them to Regis (Philbin) since he lives in the same building.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he really liked that Mexican Delivery Guy game they played earlier. Howard said they'll probably play that again sometime. Another caller told Howard that he got the S50 SIRIUS tuner and he listened to that orgasm segment over and over again. He was telling Howard that he's really digging the show these days.
Howard said that some people like to hear him talk about what's going on in his life and some just want to hear the sex stuff. With SIRIUS the fans have many other things they can tune into if they don't want to hear a certain segment. He said he can't not talk about the lawsuit that's going on with CBS right now. That's what the show is all about. He got into the lawsuit discussion again and spent some time talking about that.
Greg told Howard about hosting the AVN (Adult Video News) awards and what that's like. He said that most of the 5,000 people in the room are on ecstasy and most of the guests bomb. He said that he was able to win over the audience telling some great porn jokes. He said that Tabitha Stevens actually offered to give him oral if he said something nice about her at the awards show. Greg is married and he's not looking for that from Tabitha or anyone else. Howard asked him why he wouldn't just let her suckle him. Greg said he doesn't cheat on his wife so he would never do that.
Richard Christy came in and told Howard he had some clips to play from the most recent AVN awards which took place in January. Howard played some of Greg's jokes that he told as the host of the awards show. Howard was getting a few laughs from that stuff. In one bit he talks about his wife breast feeding their son for 2 years and how f'd up that was.
Greg said that he watched this guy Evan Stone banging a chick for a full hour one time and the guy was able to keep it going the whole time. He said that he's not sure how they do it but he's able to hold it until they're told to ''pop.'' Greg said that he invited a bunch of friends to the awards show and they all picked up some fake vaginas that were left out as party favors. All of them ended up banging the things. He said that he left his in the pocket of the bath robe in the hotel he was staying in.
Tabitha Stevens said that she would never have offered to give oral to Greg. She said she doesn't even know the guy. Greg said that she did say that to him and maybe they should call the other people who were at her table to find out if she did or not. Howard said that he was kind of offended that Tabitha has never offered him anything like that.
Greg asked Howard when the last time was that he got a hand job was. Howard said he and Beth just do it, he doesn't get a hand job. Greg said that his wife gave him one when she was on the rag recently and it was like she was shaking a martini or something. He found that he's no longer interested in getting a hand job. Jeff the Drunk called in and said he doesn't believe a word Tabitha says. He said that she's a liar and she probably did offer Greg a blow job. Jeff gave her an F-you and hung up. Howard let Tabitha go a short time later.
Greg said that he ended up throwing his back out one night that he tried to really fuck his wife like an Evan Stone would do. He has a new appreciation for what those guys do now that he's done that to his back. Irish John called in and said that he was there the night that Greg was talking about and she never offered him anything like that. Howard said he doesn't know if Tabitha said anything to him while he wasn't around though. John said that he's hoping his brother isn't in the city, he might come down and beat the crap out of Greg.
Howard said he saw a picture of Ashlee Simpson in the paper today and she looks really sexy in it. He said she's always thought that she was hot. The guys spent a minute talking about her. Richard Christy came in and said he's not all that turned on by it. Howard told him that's because he's not a man.
Howard gave Greg a bunch of plugs for the many things he had on his list. You should be able to find out about most of them at GregFitzsimmons.com. He went to break after that.
Steve the Intern was in to give Howard a preview of what was coming up on The Intern Show tonight on Howard 101. Steve said that it's going to be a Hot Intern show tonight with a bunch of the hot interns that work there on the show. They'll also have Scott the Engineer's intern on the show to find out what goes on with Scott.
Howard had Robin start her news after all of the previews.
Robin also mentioned a story about the next Sony console gaming system, Playstation 3, being delayed until November so that got the guys talking about video games. Howard said he's so glad that he got out of video games. He said it was a personal conquest when he finally stopped playing in his late 30s. Scott DePace is still into games according to Artie. DePace came in a short time later and said that he loves playing games and he's into Tiger Woods Golf 2006 on Xbox 360 right now.
Gary came in and said that Scott plays games online and when a kid yelled at him for screwing them up, he walked over and hit the kid's character on the head with his rifle and killed him. Scott said there was another time when he taped a hand grenade to another player and ended up getting blown up with the other kid. Gary wanted to talk more about video games but Howard was done with that conversation and didn't let him talk about what he wanted to. He told him to go home and talk to his kids instead.
Howard took a call a short time later from a guy who said that he just read an article about Jay Leno apologizing to one of his audience members for offending her when he did a certain bit he did. Howard said that's what Leno is all about, he doesn't like to offend anyone.
Robin was talking about tipping during the news and that got the guys talking about hair cutting after Greg mentioned he didn't tip his hair stylist after she cut his sideburns off just a minute after he told her to leave them on. Howard then told a story about his father not having much hair but still getting that little ring of hair cut on the back of his head. He said he's even started using hair product in his hair because he has a little bit that sticks up in the back. Howard said the guy has about 4 hairs on his head and he's using hair product.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
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Howard started off the show talking about hanging out with his daughter when Mike the Limo Driver told him that he heard that CBS has to pay a $6 million fine. Robin said it was actually $3 million. Howard said he was happy when he heard that. It turns out that the FCC is upholding fines for some shows they had like the Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident. Howard read the article about the $3.5 million fine and said ''Yes!'' when he read that the FCC was upholding the fines. CBS never bothered to fight his FCC fines so now they're going to keep getting slammed.
Artie asked if the Janet Jackson thing is finally put to bed. Howard said it's not even though CBS is saying it's going to fight it. Howard said that Leslie Moonves will not fight the government.
Howard said that he mentioned that when he was on Letterman's show the other night and Dave kind of dismissed the story. Howard said that Rather was Dave's first guest after 9/11 and the two of them had a very touching moment on the show but now Dave doesn't seem to be backing him up with the firing. Howard explained how Rather was attacked on a daily basis by the religious right until Leslie Moonves caved in and fired the guy. Howard said that if Mel Karmazin was there when that happened, Dan never would have been fired.
Howard said that Dan did say something to him after he brought that up but he would rather not talk about that on the air unless Dan wants to come on the show and say it himself. He said he hopes that Dan doesn't mind him saying that he called him. He said he wishes that he could tell everyone what Dan Rather had to say about all of that, but he can't.
Howard said when he heard the news about CBS getting socked by the FCC, he was glad that Karma is hitting them that way. He said he was about ready to stop the 'I Hate Les Moonves' tour but people are actually liking it. He said that people really like the t-shirts too. One guy has created a web site called LesIsMyBitch.com who is selling t-shirts for dogs that say 'Les is my bitch' and a bunch of other things.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that they hadn't updated his page yet so he couldn't tune into the channel yet. Howard said that he got a lot of feedback about Savanna's ride on the Sybian yesterday. He said that he's done from now on, he's just going to get chicks to ride that thing because people seem to love it. That led to the guys talking about how hot Savanna is. Artie was saying that her face is so beautiful and that it's unusual to have someone that hot doing stuff like that.
Artie said that the noises Savanna was making during the ride on the Sybian were amazing. Howard said that Savanna claims that she wasn't putting them on either, she was actually enjoying that ride. Howard said he plays with himself throughout the show so he's always turned on. Artie said that he was getting turned as well yesterday during that Savanna thing.
Howard got the Playboy channel on so he tuned in and listened for a short time. They went to commercial break about a minute after he tuned in. They had Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn on the air but it didn't last too long. Howard said that they may as well just go dark themselves and just put on the Playboy channel. Howard said that after guys have blown their loads, they can come back to his channel.
Howard said he tries to be pleasant when he's around his kids because he's been so miserable before. He figures his daughter probably sees right through that though. Robin said that she doesn't want to be hugged by people who aren't subscribers. She's tired of hearing from people who no longer listen to the show.
A listener called in and said that Howard's defense of Dan Rather was nice to hear because no one else talked about it. The caller called Les a ''cocksucker'' and Howard agreed with him. He let the guy go and got back to talking about the CBS FCC fines. He said that some of the other shows that got fined were ''Without a Trace'' and ''Surreal Life 2.'' He figures that Les isn't going to fight the fines.
Howard said he was hanging out at SIRIUS all day and he's still feeling sick. He figures that it's probably got to do with the lawsuit and all of the pressure he's under. He said that Ralph was going to come up with some new designs for the 'I Hate Les Moonves' t-shirts and possibly put tour dates on them. Howard is even thinking of coming up with some new designs and distributing them.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the Playboy channel because you have to 'subscribe' separately to it. Jason came in and told Howard that the channel is free but you have to call in and have it added to your channel lineup. Howard tuned into the channel and listened in as Ginger Lynn and Christy Canyon took some phone calls. He listened in for a minute and said he doesn't want to hear them talking to people like that.
The girls on Playboy mentioned something about doing a live broadcast from the Bunny Ranch and Howard said they already had that idea and wondered where they're at with that show. He asked Tim Sabean to give him an update on that. He also told Robin that she might have to give him oral on the air to compete with stuff like that.
Howard heard that Jillian Grace was part of the new Playboy channel and he'd love to hear that show. He said that she had nothing to say on his show so he'd love to hear what she says on there. He said he loves her but he can't imagine she has anything to say. Artie said she could talk about screwing Pauly Shore.
Howard listened in a little more and they were talking about some pretty heavy stuff. They were giving some advice on how to lick two pussies at the same time and stuff like that. Gary came in and said that these two chicks are probably as old as he is (45). That led to Howard and Artie talking about how hot Ginger Lynn was back in the day. He said that she might have been one of the hottest porn chicks out there. Gary said that when you see her in person she doesn't look like a porn star, she looks like the girl next door.
Howard said that Ginger Lynn has to have hit the wall by now. Gary figured that she's somewhere around 40-something but he's not sure of her exact age. That got the guys talking about how she used to date Charlie Sheen and it may have been their fault that they broke up. Robin said that they exposed the relationship and Charlie's family confronted him and then their engagement was broken off. Howard found out that Ginger is actually 43 years old from a note that was passed to him. Howard took a call from Richie from SIRIUS who does the installations for celebrities. The guys said that he's got a license plate that reads 'SIRIUS Z' because he drives a 350Z. Howard asked Richie about the homes that he's been to and who has had the nicest. He said that it was probably Jennifer Koppleman's father's place. Howard's ranks right up there according to Richie though.
Richie said that the Playboy Channel is one that you have to opt-in for. You can either call SIRIUS or do the update through the SIRIUS web site. Gary asked him to add it for him. Richie said that Howard is already upgraded but Robin and Gary would have to call him to get that done.
Gary read some of the Playboy channel lineup to Howard. They went over that and one of the shows sounded kind of like the Tissue Time with Heidi Cortez show. Howard said they just made a deal with her to bring her show back. That led to Howard talking about the old days when he had to worry about ratings on regular radio. He said that there were times that he would be worrying about how the ratings books were and it would ruin his day. He said he doesn't miss that stuff at all.
Howard said that the way they know that they're doing well is that people are still buying radios. Not all of them are because of their show, but they can take credit for some of it. They spent some time on that subject. Gary was also saying that he has people come up to him all the time saying that they don't know how to get the show. Howard said they should get a card made up that they can hand out to people who ask about that kind of thing. That way they wouldn't have to explain it to them.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked to come in whenever Gary gets roasted. The guy said that he loves the roasts and would love to be in for the Gary roast. No one knows when that's happening yet so Gary thought it was kind of odd that he was asking for that.
Gary told Howard that they will be roasting KC Armstrong in April sometime. That roast may be taken outside somewhere to another venue. Fred played the usual KC Armstrong song parody and then a couple of Baba Booey song parodies since he had screwed up the date of the Daniel Carver roast. It's taking place on March 29th.
Howard He also got in a plug for the Howard TV On Demand show that launches officially today. He said that they've been added to Cablevision so many more of his fans will be able to watch all of that stuff. They have a lot of stuff lined up to premiere today sometime. The guys spent a few minutes talking about some of the stuff that's available ON Demand now that he show has officially launched.
Howard said they have the film festival coming up as well. Artie said he's trying to get his movie to premiere at the film festival as well but they're trying to work things out for that. Gary asked if he could submit a scaled down version of his wedding video for the film festival. Howard said that would be great. Artie also has some stuff that he'd like to put in there.
Artie said he has a couple of things that he's done in the past that he could give to them to put in the festival. Howard said that Sal is working on a movie that should be good. He didn't mention what it's about but told everyone that it should be cool.
Howard said that on the film festival night, in late April, Artie will be the host of the night. He told Artie he's good at that stuff so he'd rather sit back and be a judge instead. He kept saying he had to take a break but then he tuned back into the Playboy channel again and listened to that for a minute.
A listener called in and told Hwoard that the On Demand shows aren't airing in High Def yet. Howard thought that they were but Doug Goodstein came in and said that the caller is right, they're not airing the stuff in high def yet but they're hoping to start doing that later this year. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said they have a lot of good bits like that and he's got a bunch of things to play today. He said he was going over tons of stuff yesterday with the guys. He mentioned that he was sitting in his office with Gary and Will. The lighting is soft and he's got candles and incense back there. He said it's a very relaxed room to have a meeting in. At one point he had to make a doody but he hates doing that at work. He told the guys he had to go pee because he was so embarrassed.
Howard told a story about this one chick he was doing back when he was in college and remembered banging her like five times in one night. He said that's the chick who told him that she was leaving him for someone who had a bigger penis. He said that the chick was really hot and he's sure that she's totally busted now. He said that she lived with a couple of gay guys and one of them told him about how he would never sit on the toilet, he would squat over it instead.
Artie said he's heard that squatting is the way to go if you're constipated. That led to Howard saying that now he's started squatting on the toilet because it really does work. Robin said that there's some kind of device out there that allows you to get in the right position. Howard said he doesn't want to have anything like that installed because it would be so embarrassing. He said it becomes a whole thing when he does that stuff though. He said that life is just gross when you think about it.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and asked Howard if he bites his nails when he's in the limo because he finds pieces of nail when he's cleaning the car. Howard said he tries to put that stuff in his pocket but some of the stuff may slip out and end up on the floor. Howard said he does gnaw on his fingers and never has to clip his nails because of that.
Mariann was complaining about the Howard 100 News changes where they've added some ''real'' news. She said she's not happy about that. Howard said he's not liking it either.
Captain Janks called in and said that he watched the Richard Christy getting Waxed show on Howard TV On Demand and it was very entertaining. That led to Janks and Howard talking about how much better the show is now. Howard said that he's sorry it has to be a pay service but that's the only way they can do it. Howard played some of the sounds they have of Richard Christy from when he was getting waxed. He was screaming and moaning in some pretty funny ways.
Janks said that Richard's dick looked like a turtle coming out of it's shell and it was tiny. Doug Goodstein came in and told the guys that a lot of the shows are going to be available in April. The Roasts will be up in April, the Savanna show will be in April and many other things as well.
Howard asked Doug if he's gotten Benjy on an iso camera so they can watch what he does. That led to the guys talking about some of the weird stuff that Benjy eats. Fred said that he came in with a huge amount of salad this morning and then he put on some black crap that no one can identify. Howard told Benjy that he's just eating way too much food. He said that he might be trying to eat healthy but it's just too much food. He's constantly eating.
Gary told Howard that they have Hulk Hogan waiting to come on. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about Hulk's relationship with Bubba the Love Sponge. Howard was going to break but he took a call from a guy who said that he's a Boston University student who is excited about the Howard Stern Film Festival.
Gary came in and said that he did 7 interviews with the News department yesterday. They apparently can't pull audio from the show because Howard doesn't want them to rely on that stuff, he wants them to get their own stories. Howard went to break a short time after that.
Howard said he remembers hearing Bubba yelling about him on the air but he wasn't aware that he was in a war with the guy. Robin said she remembers being in the same room with Bubba before they met and she just wanted the guy to shut up as well.
Howard said that Bubba and Hulk are really seem to be in love with each other. Hulk said that his wife calls them a couple of homos because they spend so much time together. He told Howard that now that he and Bubba have hooked up, they're going to be invincible.
Howard got back to Brooke and said that it's admirable that Hulk is trying to help her be successful but he seems to be obsessed with it. Hulk told Howard that there are a lot of people out there who want to screw people over so he's trying to help her out. Hulk said that he really wants Brooke to be successful in the singing career and she's obsessed with it as well. He said his son is into race car driving and he's got a contract with Mopar already and he's only 15 years old.
Howard said that Hulk has a GPS device hooked up in Brooke's car so he can keep track of her. He told Brooke that she looks older than 17 as well so that doesn't help things out. Howard said that Brooke must be sexually active but she says that she's not. Hulk was ready to walk out if they insisted on talking about that stuff. Howard wondered when Hulk is going to be able to accept something like that. Hulk said he's getting better at accepting it but he's still got to work on it. Howard said that he's spoken to his daughters about it so he has the ability to talk about stuff like that.
Brooke told Howard that she's coming out and admitting that she's still a virgin. Howard asked her about dating Aaron Carter. She said she was only 14 at the time and he was trouble so she didn't stay with him for long. She said that her father is just now letting her start to date. Howard said that at some point Brooke is going to rebel and go nuts. Hulk said he doesn't believe that will happen. He said that if she does have sex with someone, he's not going to totally flip out, he's still going to love her to death.
Hulk said that Howard has him sweating over this stuff. Howard told Hulk that a perfect example of something like this is Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey getting married. Jessica was not experienced with men and she got married too quick. He thinks that this might happen with Brooke. He suggested that Brooke might want to have a few men before she does go out and get married.
Brooke said that she has kissed guys and Howard anted to know more about what she's done but Hulk was very uncomfortable with talking about that stuff. Hulk said that he's starting to get worried about his son Nick who is only 15 years old. He's already a player according to Hulk. Howard asked him if he's getting laid yet. Hulk said he could ask him if he wanted to because he was right outside. The guys brought Nick in a minute later and when Howard asked him about getting laid, he asked to talk about racing cars.
Nick told Howard that he wasn't talking about getting laid and Howard took that as meaning he had gotten laid. Hulk was smiling as if he were very proud of him. Howard said he must feel great when he knows that his kids is out there getting chicks. Hulk was telling Howard that his wife is pretty wild in bed. That led to Brooke saying that she walked in on them one time and saw them having sex. Hulk was sweating as he heard about this stuff.
Brooke said that when she was about 5 years old she walked in on them banging in her room one time. She said she kind of knew what was going on but her mother told her that they were just wrestling. Nick said they left the intercom system on in the house one time and they could all hear them doing it. He said that Brooke could hear it through her intercom and told him to come in and listen. She wasn't able to turn the intercom off so it was going throughout the whole house.
Hulk's wife Linda came in the studio a short time later. Howard asked her if she had implants when she walked in. She gave him a peek and told him that they came from Beverly Hills so they aren't real. She was also saying that Hulk is great in bed and they wouldn't have stayed together for 22 years if he wasn't great in bed.
Hulk told Howard that when he first met Bubba the Love Sponge he really hated him and what he was doing on the show. They eventually became friends because it turns out Bubba is a really nice guy. Linda said that Bubba was a huge fan of Hulk's. They spent a few minutes talking about Bubba's huge arms and how he's lost a lot of weight over the past few years.
Howard asked Hulk about the WWE and what's going on with that. There was a time when Hulk and Vince McMahon weren't getting along and Hulk couldn't even use the Hulk Hogan name. He had to be called Hollywood Hogan. Hulk explained to Howard what went on there and how he eventually made a deal to go back to the WWE. He said that there was some controversy over steroids and the government thought that Vince was pushing his guys to use them when he wasn't.
Howard asked Hulk about teaching Bubba to shave himself down. Hulk said he never told him to shave his balls or asshole like Howard was saying. Linda said that Hulk does keep himself very clean down there. She said that she likes the way he keeps it down there but the kids were looking like they were grossed out by the discussion according to Howard.
Hulk and Howard spent a short time talking about the steroid use. Hulk said that it's wrong in real competitions to use that stuff but when you have something like wrestling, it's not that big of a deal. Howard gave Hulk a plug for his show ''Hogan Knows Best'' that has it's season premiere this Sunday at 10 on VH1. Howard talked to Hulk about the great money that Hulk was making as a wrestler. Hulk said he kind of misses the wrestling and the last time he did it was back in August. He said that he will be
Linda was telling Howard about having sex with Hulk and she was very forthcoming with her stories, unlike Hulk. Howard asked her if she knows what's really going on with Brooke and keeps that from Hulk. Hulk asked what he fuck he doesn't know. Linda said that he may or may not know about her kissing boys and stuff like that. She said that she knows that Brooke is still a virgin though. Brooke said her mother shares stories about her sexual encounters too.
Bubba was on the phone and said that he didn't call in, they called him. He said that they're really killing Hulk by bringing all of this stuff up. Brooke told ''Uncle Bubba'' that she really misses him. Bubba told Howard that he would never look at her in the way Howard thinks he would. He said that they actually tell her to put more clothes on when she's around sometimes. Howard figures Bubba is having sexual thoughts about her but Bubba said he's seen her grow up for about 10 years so he doesn't look at her in that way. Howard asked Hulk if Bubba could date his daughter. Hulk said that Bubba would never do that because he has a lot of respect for his family.
Robin mentioned that James Woods is dating a 19 year old daughter of a good friend of his so Bubba dating Brooke wouldn't be that far of a stretch. Howard told Brooke that she really has to cover up around Bubba. Brooke asked Bubba what she should say when Howard asks her about having sex. Howard didn't think that was that crazy of a question to ask because girls her age usually have some experience.
Howard gave Hulk and his family another plug for their TV show and asked if it's wreaking havoc on their lives. Hulk said that he was using the cameras to his advantage for a while. Now they've become friendly with the camera crews and they really treat them like family.
Brooke was telling Howard that they had a cute cameraman who accidentally walked in on her when she was totally nude one time. She said that it kept happening over and over again and Hulk said he didn't know about that. Hulk said that he was going to ''...kill that fuckin' Josh.'' Brooke said that she thinks he liked seeing her nude. Artie said that was kind of obvious and if the guy was ugly, he'd probably be in jail by now.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if it was true that this guy Don Vito touched Brooke's breast one time and Hulk had to beat him up. Brooke said that was true and she was only 16 years old at the time. Howard said that was outrageous and no one should be touching women without their permission. Hulk said he went over to the guy and whacked him on the side of the head and he was bleeding.
Gary asked Brooke how that Grammy crasher guy Sixx got to be her fashion designer. She said that he's not, but he wanted to be. Howard played some of Hulk's music from years ago. Howard was goofing on him a little bit but Hulk was saying that he did the songs for a kid who passed away when he was at an event that the Make-A-Wish foundation had set up. Howard felt bad for making fun of the songs if that's the case.
Howard asked Hulk about his career and if he can believe he's where he's at now. Hulk said that many of his old friends are dead now and it's amazing where he got to doing this stuff. He told Howard that his brother is dead as well. He was part of the Hell's Angels out in California and got into drugs and stuff out there. Howard asked him if he's ever beaten a man to death. Hulk said he did beat up a guy in Japan one time and almost didn't get out of the country because the guy was in a coma.
Howard asked Hulk about the time he dropped Richard Belzer on his head. Hulk told the whole story about how that came about and how he got pissed at Belzer when he said that wrestling wasn't real and then asked Hulk to put him in a wrestling hold. He ended up putting him in a move that made him pass out and then dropped him on his head. He's not proud of that though, he said it never should have happened.
Hulk said that he got into something with John Stossel one time and ended up slapping him in the head. He said things were kind of crazy back then. Howard wrapped up after that because Gary told him that they really had to get out of there because they have places to go. Howard went to commercial after that.
Howard said that he got a personal note from Brooke Hogan and she said that next time she's going to come on the show alone. He knew that it was really from her because she handed the note to Ronnie. Howard asked her if she thought there was some chemistry between them. She said there was and she was ready to come back in all alone as soon as she turns 18 years old in about a month. Brooke said she'd even have her birthday on the show if he wanted.
Howard let Brooke go and he had Simon Cowell on the phone again. Simon asked Howard to say a few words to Carrie who was in the bed next to him. Howard asked her if she just had sex with him and that she should be having sex with him instead. Then he told her that she should be giving it to Simon the best she can because he might just leave her if she doesn't. He told her to get him his tea so he doesn't get pissed.
Simon got back on the line and said that she's very ungrateful, he bought her a car and that's the thanks he gets. Howard said that Simon has to come in and see their new studio. He then brought up the ''American Inventor'' show that airs tonight on ABC. Howard said he was telling Robin that inventors are even wackier than the performers on American Idol so it should be pretty interesting.
Howard said that Gary was telling him that his brother used to work for a company that had inventors coming in and pitching ideas and there were a lot of remote control inventors who made the remotes signal where they're located... but that idea has already been done. Simon told Howard about a guy who invented something he called the Bladder Buddy which would allow you to pee in public.
Scott DePace came in and told everyone about the Video Caddy he invented. It's a camera mount that you hook up to your golf cart. Howard thinks that it's pointless. Simon said a lot of things like that are called ''buddy'' or ''mate'' so it was unusual to be called a caddy. Simon said that some inventors really are very wacky.
Howard asked Simon if he's on the show. Simon said he's just producing the show, he's not on it. Howard said he hopes that Paula Abdul isn't on the show because she doesn't even get the idea of American Idol. He asked Simon if she even understands the concept of the show. Simon said that all of the people that Paula has been raving about for the past couple of years are nowhere to be found.
Howard was saying that when Ryan Seacrest goofs on him that's wrong too because without Simon, the show would be nowhere. He also said that the show is going on a little too long when they run it for 2 hours on some nights. Howard asked Simon if he thinks there's something mentally wrong with Paula. He said that she's a bit goofy and she may be a little mental.
Howard asked Simon about the kid on American Idol who looks very freaky. Simon said that he's a very good singer but Howard didn't believe that at all. Robin was also asking Simon about the Clay Aiken stories that have been floating around but Simon said he doesn't really follow those stories. He said that Clay did confront him in his dressing room one time and got upset with him about some comments he had made 2 years before.
Robin asked Simon if he's still fighting with Kelly Clarkson. Simon said she's gotten her warning shot and things are fine now. Simon agreed with Howard that Kelly is the only one who has really gone out and made a career out of her win on the show.
Simon said he thinks that the two people who will end up in the finals will be the bald headed kid and the guy with grey hair. He said that he thinks Kellee Pickler will be in the finals.
Howard and Simon talked about this lawsuit that CBS has filed against Howard. He told Simon some of the details of the suit and how he believes it's just the ''piece of human garbage Leslie Moonves'' who is pushing this case. He said that he's on a tour telling people about what a scum bag the guy is and will point out all of the failure that this guy is having and will have. Simon told Howard that he should be out getting this off of his chest. Howard is already doing that though.
Howard told Simon that he's going to send him a SIRIUS radio so he can listen and then give him some feedback about what he thinks. Gary said that they have the BBC available on SIRIUS so Simon might enjoy that. Simon said he will listen to it if they send him a radio. Gary told Howard that he was going to get cut off soon so they had to get off the phone. Howard had a lot more questions for him so he'll have to talk to him some other time. They got interrupted a short time later by someone who was on the conference call they were on.
Howard spent a little more time talking about this ''American Inventor'' show and how it should be pretty interesting. He said that people with inventions can be really weird. Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that he has an invention which is a snowman mold. It's got 3 ball molds that can be used to create a snowman. Howard said that won't work because the fun of doing a snowman is rolling the snow into a big ball. He told him to invent something that allows him to blow a load on his wife where she won't get disgusted.
Rob told Howard that thousands of people are subscribing to the service on Cablevision already so they're very happy with that. Howard said that he was kind of nervous about doing this On Demand stuff but Rob assured him that they could put up anything they wanted.
Rob said that Doug Goodstein is asking for his own bathroom over at In Demand and he's gone completely Hollywood at this point. Howard said that Doug is working very hard on this stuff. He went on to talk about all of the great stuff they have coming up on the channel. Doug Goodstein came in a short time later and said he didn't know that Rob was so funny, now he thinks they should have him do his own comedy show.
Howard said that one of the things they have up there is Richard Christy's waxing show. Doug said that they can track all of the watching of the shows so they'll know which shows get the most watches. That got the guys talking about the shows that have been on lately and how great some of the older stuff was.
Howard asked Rob when he came up with this idea. Rob said that he and Don (Buchwald) had talked about it for years but Howard never wanted to do it until the On Demand stuff became more popular. Howard told him he loves the new logo as well.
Howard told Robin what Sal is doing for his movie. He's doing a movie that will be what it would be like if the vegetables that Robin had sex with came to life. Gary came in a short time later and shows Robin one of the ''characters'' from Sal's movie. Howard said he thinks that Sal might just win the celebrity film festival. Doug also said that they've upped the winnings for the film festival and the winner will get over $21,000 worth of cash and prizes.
Howard said that he's working on a movie of his own and it's going to be titled ''Fred.'' Fred has no idea that he's the subject of his movie though. He said he'll be one of the judges. He said that Beth is kind of upset because she's going to be out of town that night and won't be able to go. She has a job to work and can't get out of it.
Howard said that he really likes the whole On Demand technology. Doug said that they're turning shows around faster than any other show in the history of the technology came out. They're going to have the Hulk Hogan thing on the service by tomorrow night and that's extremely fast. Howard thinks that this is the future of TV because people will want to watch shows when they want to. Rob said that it's much easier for people to just pull up what they want to watch when they want to watch it.
Artie asked about the video of him out in Vegas when he was really drunk. Doug said that they put that stuff up pretty much uncut except for a couple of things that Artie asked to be removed. He said something about his girlfriend or sister that he wanted taken out but Artie said he didn't remember what it was. Doug said he'd tell him if he wanted to know. Artie didn't want him repeating it.
Howard let Rob go and Doug told him that he didn't actually ask for a bathroom, Rob was just kidding. Howard said that he has to get out of there pretty early because he's going to shoot a cover for Entertainment Weekly.
Eddie the Produce Guy called in and told Howard that there's some guy selling a rip-off of the 'I Hate Les Moonves' t-shirt on www.ebay.com. Howard said he really doesn't mind that for some reason. Eddie also said that he was the one who picked out the produce that Sal is using in his movie.
Howard asked Mike about the rumors that they were following Melanie Griffith to an AA meeting. He said that there should be some anonymity to something like that. Mike said that you can read the whole story in this week's Enquirer. Howard said that if someone is going to AA, they should be anonymous. If they're not, that could keep people from going to a meeting like that. He said that if he wanted to go to one of those meetings and he saw the article about Melanie getting busted, he would probably not go to a meeting himself.
Howard asked Mike if he's okay with exposing people like that. Mike said that there are private meetings that she could go to if she wanted. Howard said it's still wrong though.
Gary came in and said that Richard was listening in to Mike before he was on the air and caught him playing a conga while his mic was open. Howard played an audio clip that Richard caught last week and Howard thought he was actually pretty good. Mike said he didn't even remember that.
Howard read a blind item in the paper that said there was a young blonde who dumped her hunk who has herpes. All of the guys tried to figure out who it might be but they weren't actually mentioning any names because they didn't want to get sued.
Fred played some Aerosmith ''Sweet Emotion'' and mixed in Mike's conga playing. It kind of worked with that so Fred played some of John Lennon singing ''Imagine'' and mixed in the conga. Howard thought that kind of worked as well. He also played some Rolling Stones song and it even worked with that.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Mike told Howard a story about Matt Dillon that he printed a couple of years ago. He got a story from a woman who said she saw Matt take a woman into a unisex bathroom where he spent about 12 minutes with a woman. Matt went back to the table with that woman and she eventually left. Matt then picked up another woman at the bar and spent another 18 minutes in the unisex bathroom with the new woman. Mike said that was one of his favorite stories about Matt.
Howard had Robin start her news after the News and Wrap Up Show previews.
Howard took a call from a woman, Reena, who said she has a lot of stories about working with mentally handicapped people. She was kind of rambling on and on but Howard stuck with her for some reason. He asked her if she's ever seen an attractive retarded man. She said she never has. Reena also told Howard that she has had to bathe retarded guys before and sometimes she wishes that she was retarded because they have everything done for them. She said that she's actually jealous of some retarded people and that's pretty pathetic.
Howard wondered if there are any attractive retarded women out there. Reena said there aren't but Will came in and said his brother works with retarded people and there are some that he's seen that are pretty good looking.
Reena said that the guys she bathed were non-verbal so she didn't have to talk to them. Howard said that's what he's looking for in a retarded woman, someone who doesn't speak. Reena told Howard that she's been working at this place for over 12 years and she's only making $12.20 an hour! Howard said that she should be making about $200,000 after hearing the stories she told.
Reena went on to tell Howard about how the retarded people have no rules to speak of because they can jerk off anywhere they want and they don't get in trouble. Howard wondered if this woman is attractive. She said she's been told she looks kind of like a young Cher. She said that she really hates her job. Howard was going to invite her in and asked her to bring in a retarded person. That led to Howard asking her if she could come in and bathe Gary the Retard instead. She had no problem with that so Howard had the guys book her to come in.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard and warned her that there are other retards that hey could replace her with if she ever gets a little crazy and decides to give them a hard time.
Will's brother Angus called in and told Howard that he has seen some retarded women who are 8s on a scale of 10. The only problem is that they're talking to the wall or walking into the walls. He said he gets to see them naked too but they're not that hot when they're naked. He said that he works at a camp where retarded people come so that's where he sees all of that. Howard asked him if there are enough hot retarded women that they could create a magazine for. Angus said it would probably have to be a quarterly magazine but they could probably do it.
Howard asked Angus if the retarded women are better looking than the girls he's dated. Angus said that some of them actually are because he has dated some pigs. Gary came in a short time later and said that Doug Goodstein asked if they should hold a Retarded Beauty Pageant. Howard said that might be good. Artie was also saying that if they create a magazine, they could call it ''Perfect 10 IQ.'' Angus said that he's seen some pretty disgusting things in his life and once saw a retarded guy pick up doody and put it right in his mouth. Howard let him go on that high note.
Howard figures that they won't get anyone to enter the Retarded Beauty Pageant. Artie said that's what he thought about the amputee pageant they held but they had a bunch of entries. Howard had Robin get back to her news so he could get out of there. He said he was already late but he didn't seem to be in any rush to get out of there.
The guys got into a discussion about penis size late in the show so. Howard said that sometimes he's so tiny that he looks like a baby. Richard Christy came in and asked if he had permission to come in the next time he gets a boner so he can show them how much he grows when he gets erect. Howard said he'd allow that but Robin said she has no desire to see that.
Howard wrapped up the show around 11:05am after Robin finished up her news.
Jon Hein introduced everyone on the show and talking about St. Patrick's day. Gary said that they're going to try and get out of there at 10:05 this morning because the city is going to be crazy with the St. Patrick's day celebrations going on.
Jon moved the show along quickly and brought up the first thing they were going to get to. Gary gave the history of the bit and how they used to go out to Los Angles to do shows and one time they took a tour of Universal Studios where Howard ended up doing an interview with KITT the car from ''Knight Rider.'' This was back in the WNBC days so they had some audio from that interview.
In the interview Howard asked the car how it feels when David Hasslehoff sits on his face. He KITT if he has hemorrhoids and some things like that. KITT wasn't answering because the questions were kind of throwing him off. In the bit you also hear Howard speaking with a bit of a lisp that he's lost over the years. He continued to ask KITT about having dogs peeing on his tires and things like that. The car eventually played along with him and did tell Howard that David doesn't wipe.
Gary wondered if anyone knew who KITT the car was. Ralph asked if anyone knew who was talking to the car because it didn't sound like Howard. Jon said that KITT was the car that made David Hasslehoff famous. Gary said there were a lot of references in that bit that were very outdated as well.
The guys said that it was amazing how much Howard's voice has changed over the years. They were also talking about this engineer that they used to work for, Bruce, who was mentioned in the clip. Gary said that the bit sounds kind of tame now but it was pretty racy for the time which was May of 1984. No one else was telling penis jokes on the air back then.
The guys spent some time talking about Tyra Banks and how much they dislike her. Ralph thinks that her show is horrible and doesn't belong on TV. Gary and Jon said that she does get ratings with that show so that's why it's still on.
Jon took a phone call from a guy who asked why Benjy gets off on Fridays. Gary said it's kind of a weird thing to talk about because no one is sure why he's off. Gary said that he just takes the day off even though he hasn't really been told that he can take them off. He also said that he's not sure what they would do with him if he was there.
Another phone caller said that he never really heard what happened to KC so he was wondering about that. He also said that he wonders how Ralph gets on the show because he has no talent and he's a useless person. Gary took the first part of the question and talked about how KC had a bit of a mental breakdown, a couple of times, and they eventually had to let him go. He said that they're supposed to have a roast for KC next month and he's hoping that he shows up.
Ralph said he really didn't care that much about what the guy had just said about him. He said he really doesn't care and said he feels bad that the guy feels that way but he really doesn't care.
The guys talked about the Osbournes and how they're all great guests. Gary said that he will book any one of them and they'll come in with other members of the family and it always makes for a great show. Richard Christy said that he loves hearing those stories because he's a huge fan of Iron Maiden and Ozzy. That led to the guys talking about how Maiden really isn't that popular anymore and Sharon paying them $185,000 a night is like charity.
During that interview Captain Janks also called in and brought up Randy Rhodes when he asked Sharon if she ever let him get a little mud on the helmet. After playing that clip the guys talked a little more about how forthcoming the Osbournes are. They don't hold back on anything.
In the clip Howard was talking about Chuck Wollery's ''Love Connection'' but he didn't even know what the name of the show was at the time. Howard and Robin knew that Gilda was in the studio so the audience were playing the game where they had to try and guess who it was. The first caller guessed correctly so Howard told her that she had just ruined the show. He didn't know what to do with Gilda for the next half hour. He had plenty of questions for Gilda. She told him about how she had just finished up the movie ''The Woman In Red'' and that it was coming out in the summer of that year (1984).
Gilda was afraid that Howard was making fun of her but he let her know that he was being very nice to her so she'd like him and spread the word about the show. He gave her a few plugs for an appearance she was making at a book store to promote her book.
Gilda asked Howard to take some phone calls because she'd rather do that then take questions from Howard. Howard said he would only take sexual questions on the phone. Gilda sounded like she was almost afraid of Howard as he was talking to her. When he took a call for her, the caller asked how many guys she had been with. Gilda said that she would prefer to take non-sexual questions but then Howard asked her when she lost her virginity. She didn't answer.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Gilda and it took quite a while to find someone who actually had a question. One person asked how often she likes to have sex but Howard told him that she wasn't answering those questions. Howard said he thought that Gilda would really like him but she told him that it was actually pretty scary for her. Howard told her that he was still a big fan of hers even though she wasn't too thrilled with him.
After Gilda left Howard wondered why she was so bummed out. He said he had to recover from what had just happened. He didn't get why Gilda was scared of him. None of her people would talk to him or shake his hand goodbye after the interview. Robin said that she thought Gilda was having a good time at first. She wasn't sure what went wrong though.
Gary and Jon came back after playing the bit and talked about it. Gary and Ralph said that Gilda didn't seem to ''Get'' the show but you'd think that a comedienne would understand it was a comedy show. Ralph said that Gilda was never that funny anyway and she wasn't one of the big stars. Jon and Gary argued about that for a short time. Gary said that Ralph is out of it and he's going to have to buy him the Best of Gilda Radner DVD so he can show him how good she actually was. Jon said they had to go to break shortly after that.
In the next clip Fred was playing train sound effects as Robin was reading a story about a deaf woman who had been hit by a train. He had train sounds and a woman moaning in pain. Gary said that if Fred hadn't done that, he would have been surprised.
Gary said that the new favorite clip is a Jerky Boys clip that gets Artie laughing every time. They also said that the Jackie laughing clips are back and everyone loves those as well. They were also talking about the fart sounds that Fred plays when women are talking about anal and stuff like that. They played a clip where Tabitha Stevens was talking about anal. There was some farts and some jack hammer sounds for the vibrator that she was talking about.
Gary talked to Will about the booking since he was the one who pitched her for the show. Will said he thought that her stories were good and her voice was good for radio so he booked her for the show after Howard gave him the OK. Ralph thought that Will shouldn't have made that decision but Will said that Howard gave him the okay after it was pitched so it wasn't really his decision. He just pitches guests to Howard and he lets him make the final decision. The interview wasn't that bad because there were some funny things going on.
Jon played some audio from Joan's interview where Richard was asking her to do some stuff and she was refusing to be humiliated even though she's supposed to be a submissive. She was whining and refusing to do anything they asked. Jon played another clip where Richie Wilson came in and spanked Joan and she didn't sound very into that either. They played another clip where JD came in and tried to talk dirty to her but he didn't have a lot to say there either.
Gary, Jon and Ralph all talked about that interview and how Joan really hated Sal after he ripped up her book. Gary said that he got a note from her the next day where she thanked them all for letting her come on the show because people liked the appearance and her book sales shot up pretty high.
Jon took a phone call from a guy who thought they were asking Joan to do some stuff that a submissive wouldn't normally do. That was a masochistic thing. The guys didn't get a lot of things that she was saying on the show that day. They spent a short time on that and then Jon took a break.
Gary told the guys that they pitched Rosanna for the show and he thought that there would be plenty to talk to her about. Jon played some clips from that interview where Howard was talking to her about feeling her breasts and stuff while she was on the phone.
Gary talked about one part of the interview where Rosanna was speaking freely and talking about how she doesn't like to get fucked in the ass. It came out as if she were just having a conversation with someone on the phone and that's the kind of stuff Gary likes to hear now that they're on SIRIUS. She could never have said that on the old show.
The guys played a clip from earlier this week where they were talking about diets and Fred complained about the crap that Benjy eats in the studio that stinks like a dead body. Ralph and Gary talked about how fat Benjy has gotten and how he can't even put his arms down at his sides because he's so big. Richard said that Benjy will never eat at the same time as everyone else. He always waits until everyone else has ordered and eaten before he even places his order.
Howard and Jay did a commercial together and talked about an upcoming appearance David Letterman had coming up with Johnny Carson. Howard said that Letterman wanted to hook up with him to play some raquetball and stuff while they were out there. Leno joked that Letterman probably got the name of the hotel wrong or something like that.
Leno had Howard laughing quite a bit with his goofy jokes and Howard still liked him back then. Leno was still making appearances on Letterman's show at the time. Howard told Leno about how he was taking meetings out in L.A. Trying to get TV deals or syndication deals, anything he could get.
After playing the segment, Jon talked about how that segment was just over 20 years ago. They were pool side at a Sheridan hotel which was a big deal for them. If they went out there now, they'd be at the Four Seasons hotel, not the Sheridan. Ralph was also talking about what a ''Benedict Arnold'' Leno turned out to be because Letterman had him on the show so many times. The guys were also talking about how funny Leno could be back then when he didn't have to be worried about being politically correct like he does today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard sounded gay back then. Gary said that Howard would do some very strange noises on the air back then. Ralph and Jon said that the voice sounded very odd in those clips and he wasn't putting anything on. It's changed over the years and Ralph thinks he sounds much more relaxed now, that's why it's become so much deeper. The guys went to break a short time after that.
Al said that he'd forgotten about a lot of what had gone on out there. He said that he did remember that one of the fans they brought out there went swimming topless and got arrested. There were a lot of people who hated them out there too. He said that Howard was very edgy back then and it was great. Jon thanked him for calling in and Al told them that they're doing a great job with all of this stuff.
Jon said that Ronnie was banned from cursing at that point so Sal and Richard created the ''Curse Master Jr.'' parody where they had Ronnie's cursing sped up a bit to sound similar to Jackie the Joke Man's ''Gross Master Jr.'' They played that bit and then played ''The Ronnie Mund Show'' where Sal did his Ronnie impression and cursed up a storm.
After that stuff Jon played some clips from the Ronnie Roast where Sal roasted him. He was brutal with his Jewish jokes and things like that. Then they played Artie's roast of Ronnie and he was pretty brutal with him as well.
The guys talked about how great Artie was in that roast when he was goofing on everyone on the roast and on the show. Jon went on to play a clip where Howard played some audio of Ronnie goofing on the Howard 100 News department by scamming Penny Crone by disguising his voice and convincing Penny that he was his own wife. Jon said that Ronnie kind of redeemed himself after doing that call. Ralph said that Ronnie didn't deserve all of the credit for that because it was Penny that fell for the joke. He said that Ronnie sounded just like Ronnie in that clip so it was funny that Penny was that naive that she fell for it. Jon had to go to another break after that.
Gary said that Ralph was the only one saying that he didn't like the plan to replay Howard's show all day long on Howard 100. Ralph said that he went on the Superfan Roundtable last night and told them that he was wrong about that and he's actually loving it. He said the only negative is that he doesn't listen to Bubba as much.
Bong Hit Eric called in and said that they're doing a great job with the show playing the old WNBC stuff. Jon said that they're trying to mix it up with the old stuff and the new stuff. Eric said that was the days of parachute pants and goofy clothes like that. Ralph said he used to have a whole outfit that was like parachute pants and shirt. Gary said that Ralph used to wear all kinds of neon colors and looked ridiculous.
Ralph said that there's nothing funnier than a woman arguing with audio clips. He also liked the Southern accent she had. Richard said that it took hundreds of calls before they got that woman on the line so it's a lot of work before they get a call that great. The woman was actually from Alabama. Gary asked which call was funnier, the ''My Turban is Dirty'' or the call they just played. Ralph thought the new call was the better one but Jon said that ''My Turban'' was better but just barely.
Jon took a couple of phone calls and one guy said that he has problems getting some stuff on his Howard TV On Demand. Another caller said that he would love to hear them play some audio from the Arsenio Hall interview that Howard did years ago. Gary thought that was a good idea and said they'd pull that for the next Friday show. The caller said that he's coming up for the Daniel Carver roast and wanted to know which comedians were going to be doing the roasting. Gary said that they have comedians Earthquake, Corey Holcom, Shuli, Sal, Artie, Judy Gold, Gilbert Gottfried, Lisa Lampanelli and Bob Levy all doing the roast.
Raul called in a short time later so Gary asked him about who he's been sleeping with lately. Raul said he's had a guy in the past couple of weeks and a woman in the past few months to a year. He said he's probably had sex with more men than women but he is attracted to a lot of women. He said he can't completely give up the things he gets from a woman like feeling her boobs and stuff like that.
Jon asked Raul who he thinks is the best looking guy on the show. He said he kind of likes Gary because of his Italian look. Gary said he gets the feeling that this guy likes men about 85 percent and women about 15 percent. All of the guys told him that he's obviously gay, not bi-sexual like he claimed. Jon took a break a short time later.
Gary said that Howard thought it wasn't really clever because they were just beating her over the head with the fat jokes. Jon thought it was funny but not one of their better calls. Gary said that the guys did a lot of edits on that call trying to get it on the air. They never got it on though. Sal said that Howard forgets about a lot of their bits so they just keep bringing it back until he plays it.
The next bit was a call where Sal called a guy by the name of John Meyhoffer and goofed on the guy's name kind of joking about the Bill O'Reilly ''Jack Meyhoffer'' clip. Gary and Ralph got a few laughs from that call.
Scott the Engineer came in and told the guys that they did a remake of ''Andy of Mayberry 2006'' but it got rejected by Howard. Fred and Scott worked on it for about 3 days so Fred got kind of upset that Howard didn't like it. They played the bit and Gary said that it ran a little long in the original version. It was over 5 minutes long before they cut it down to just over 4 minutes. Gary said that the woman doing the Aunt Bea voice was just wrong. They used to have Howard play that part and it was funnier then. They also had Billy West doing the Barney Fife part. This time it was Fred.
Ralph said that this stuff is kind of irrelevant now and back when they did the first ones, that's the kind of stuff they were doing back then. Gary thinks that they're not a ''bit oriented'' show anymore so maybe it's best that Howard rejected this one. Jon took a phone call about that bit and the guy thought it was kind of funny but a little bit long. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told the guys the bit was horrible. She was also complaining about Sal goofing on Gary in one of the On Demand shows. She wondered how Sal gets away with that stuff. Gary said he actually threw Sal to the ground that day and it didn't stop him. Gary said that Sal thinks that the fans want him to do that stuff so he keeps messing with him. They went to another break a short time later.
News director Liz Aiello called in to correct the guys about something. She said that they did not inform Sal's wife, Christine, that he had cut the wire to their satellite radio. It was actually Sal who said it to his own wife because he assumed that the news department told her about it. Liz was upset that they were saying that it was the news department who broke the news to her when that wasn't the case.
Sal said that he was upset because he figured it was one of his wife's friends who told her about the story and when he heard it was the people he works with, he got very upset. Liz said that they had a history with Christine before they even started there at SIRIUS because they had made a bunch of calls to her. Liz said that if she thought that the story would have caused this much controversy, she wouldn't have done the story.
Sal said that he and his wife are slowly coming around. He said they haven't disgusted it much but his wife has asked him to talk to her before he talks about stuff on the air.
Jon asked Liz if they have changed any policies since that happened. Liz said that she asked Howard if he wanted to set any boundaries. He told her that he didn't want to have a meeting over it so she's leaving things that way. She said she knows that they will step on some toes in the future so she apologized in advance for that. They don't do it intentionally though.
Sal asked Liz if she lets her husband touch the sheets after he fingers her. Gary interrupted him and said that Liz didn't come there for that kind of stuff. They let her go before Sal got any deeper into that but Sal asked her if she ever takes it on the face as she was saying goodbye.
Jon took a couple of phone calls for Sal and one guy asked him if his job has put a damper on the marriage. Sal said that he did start masturbating more after getting a job on the show. He said that he would relieve himself in the bathroom to get over all of the hot chicks that he was around all the time. He said that his wife is happy as long as he doesn't touch any of the girls. Jon went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Tim is very hard to follow sometimes, it had nothing to do with him being sick that day. Gary said that they've had meetings with Tim where he sounded just like that clip. Tim came in a short time later and asked if they were just trying to fill time. Jon said they were actually trying to wrap up. He got going shortly after that so Jon wrapped up the show and asked the guys where they're going to be this weekend. Sal is making an appearance at the Comedy Cabaret in Cherry Hill, NJ with Shuli and Rev. Bob Levy. The rest of the guys are going to be home either getting drunk or watching their kids... or doing both. They ended the show around 10:30am