Howard started off the show talking about how Marilyn Manson got married recently to Dita Von Teese. He said they had a very odd wedding from what he read. He read some of the article and then moved on to talk about the huge snow storm they had in the city yesterday. He said that they got about 27 inches and the city is a huge mess right now. Howard said that Ronnie the Limo Driver lives outside the city and he's got about 8 feet of snow off of his deck. He said that should quiet people down about global warming for a little while.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Congressman Ackerman, who was in last week, was a wacko or anything. Howard said the guy is legitimate but he may have some wacky ideas once in a while. Ackerman was saying that lying about the Iraqi weapons of mass destruction could be an impeachable offense. Howard said Ackerman likes to throw ideas like that out there to see if anyone picks up on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's heard XM radio and it doesn't compare to SIRIUS. He said he figured that either satellite radio would be great but on XM there's no fun. On SIRIUS they have better programming according to the caller. Howard said that he's heard that people who have both usually pick SIRIUS over XM because of the programming. He said that most people won't have both services at the same time but when they do, SIRIUS comes out ahead.
The caller asked if he could come down for the next roast so Howard said that they could make that happen and put the guy on the list. Ronnie the Limo Driver will be the next person to be Roasted by Bob Levy and his crew.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's still working on his animated series. Howard said yes so the guy asked if he could get into the business through his show. Howard said that's not the way things work. He told Robin that they have to go out and find voice talent through agencies and stuff. Robin told him that maybe he should interview him and try him out. Howard tried him out and had him be a gay tiger. The guy did a gay voice that sounded very much like his own. Howard thanked him for the call and hung up on him. He goofed on the guy's attempt for a little while after that.
Another phone caller told Howard that he thinks that Howard has underestimated the number of people who came over from XM to SIRIUS. Howard said he doesn't know what he means because he knows the number of people who came over to the service since he signed up to do his show. The caller was also telling Howard he heard his show when it was on in Indianapolis for a little while. Howard didn't remember why he got kicked out of Indianapolis so he asked the caller. He wasn't sure what the reason was either.
Howard took another call from a guy who told Howard how great the show is and how much he's been enjoying it. He said he couldn't be more happy with the way things are going. Howard thanked him for that and took another call. That caller was telling Howard that it was 80 degrees out in California while they had 27 inches of snow yesterday. Howard talked about walking around the city yesterday in that snow and how much he hated it. He said he was afraid he was going to fall as he was walking around in it.
Robin told Howard that she once saw Tony Randal walking around with his young girlfriend and couldn't step down a curb... and there was nothing on the sidewalks back then. The caller then asked Howard to replay the prank phone call where they had JD call a toy store. Howard looked it up and found it so he was about to play it. The guy then asked if he could get an autograph from Howard and Artie. Howard cut him off. Howard then played the prank call they made using audio clips of JD talking dirty during his phone sex thing to call a toy store.
A woman called in and told Howard that she called SIRIUS to help get her set up they told her that the internet service will be available soon for Howard's show. She also found out that they are not allowed to listen to Howard's show in the office even though they work for SIRIUS. Howard said that's fine and he thinks that's the way things should be at a business. Not everyone should be able to listen to his show at work.
Howard told the caller that he's been working on getting his show available to stream over the web. They're working with a company that will expand the bandwidth to make it possible to stream the show and not crash. The woman asked if she could get an autographed picture of Howard. He told her that he doesn't have one to give out even though he had just mentioned he does have a new press photo. He had to hang up on her.
Howard said he had a booger stuck up his nose this morning and couldn't get it out. He took another phone call who told Howard how great the show is. He's also liking the Bubba show and Scott Ferrall's show. He said that Scott is a little hard to take because he's so high strung. Howard said that he's now a fan of that guy because he was making him laugh when he was listening to the show. The caller and Howard talked about some of the funny stuff Scott was talking about on his show last week.
Howard said that Ferrall has been fired from a lot of radio stations and Tim Sabean was saying that he'll probably be good for about a year before he self destructs again. Howard said that he'll be on again tonight from 8 to Midnight.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's paralyzed and wants Bush to allow for embryonic stem cell research so they could possibly find a cure for people like him. He said that Howard is an inspiration for him and he appreciates the show. That led to Howard and Robin talking about last night's ''60 Minutes'' and some of the stories they had on there.
A phone caller did his Danny Bonaduce impression so Artie got in on that and did his impression of Bonaduce yelling about shaking the foundations of a bunch of his TV crew if there were any guys up in his wife's hotel room. The caller asked Howard about his thoughts on President Bush and argued with him about stem cell research. He said that it's not some magical cure for everything like some people are making it out to be. Howard said that maybe it's not but they should allow them to research it. Howard and the caller were also talking about gay rights and abortion a little bit. Howard ended up getting pissed at the caller because he had claimed that he didn't want to get into the whole abortion argument. He said that this guy doesn't listen to him and ended up hanging up on him.
Howard brought up Cheney shooting his friend in the face again. He said Cheney appears to be a guy who wants to come off as a tough guy but then he shoots a guy in the face with bird shot while shooting quail. Robin said that Cheney has a medical team following him around constantly because of his heart problems. They were able to help his friend out very quickly because they were with Cheney at the time he shot the guy in the face.
A caller said that he watched the Small Penis Contest on Howard Stern On Demand over the weekend. He said it made him sick to his stomach but Howard thought that it was fascinating. He also liked ''Jeff Won't Leave.'' Robin mentioned that Artie drunk in Vegas was also a great one.
Another caller from Atlanta called in and told Howard that he loves Scott Ferrall and they have to keep him on. Howard said it would be great to have him on at night to wrap up the day for everyone. He was fascinated by the guy and thinks that he's a lot of fun. The caller feels the same way and loves the guy. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he works out hard these days but his ass is never going to be all that good. Artie told him he looks really good for a 52 year old. Howard said he just doesn't want cellulite on his ass. It's ten times better than it was when he did his Fartman appearance back in 1992. He blames Robin for letting that happen because she actually allowed him to do it. People are still talking about that appearance to this day.
The Fartman thing led to the guys talking about how Eddie Murphy used to dress in leather and it doesn't hold up over time. They were also talking about how Kanye West is making that mistake these days. That led to Howard bringing up some of the notes he took while watching the Grammy Awards. He said that he saw that Alicia Keys lost a few pounds and he knew that she's be a piece of ass if she did that.
Howard also talked about how great Madonna looked on the Grammys. He said her ass and legs looked great and she looked really good to him. He was also saying that his favorite is this Ciara chick. He said that she's a light skinned black or ''octoroon'' who looked amazing to him. He said her face and body were perfect and he doesn't care if she can sing or not.
Howard said that Sly Stone looked like Beetlejuice and you really had to see it to know what he's talking about. Howard said he wasn't impressed seeing a pregnant Gwen Stefani. Kelly Clarkson was cut off in her second speech and so was Green Day's manager who was trying to say some things about the band. He said that the Grammy producers just don't get that people want to hear that stuff. Howard said that Queen Latifa's tribute to Richard Pryor was horrible. He said that there were many people who would have been better at doing the tribute. He thought that Queen Latifa was also the size of a whale.
Gary reminded Howard that Scott DePace gave him a gift a couple of years ago that would allow him to get into his computer using his thumb print. Howard got sidetracked when he saw Gary eating an egg sandwich. He talked to him about that for a short time. He said that he's fascinated by Gary and he thinks that the In Demand guys should have a camera on him all the time. That led to Howard talking about the great painting Fred did of Gary years ago. He said it took him months to finish but it was his masterpiece. He said that it was Fred's ''Booey Lisa.''
Gary said that Fred would always draw the hairs on the back of his neck and it really annoyed him. Fred said he had to use a very thin brush to do the hairs back there. Howard told him he should have pulled actual hairs out of Gary's neck and glued them to the picture. Howard was still watching Gary eat and notice he was pulling something out of his sandwich. Gary said he likes the taste of tomatoes but he does pull some pieces out.
Gary came in and told Eric that Brian Dunkleman was willing to come in and do a show with him since he was on the first season of American Idol. Gary said they could probably get the band ''Big and Rich'' to do the show with them as well. Eric didn't seem that impressed or excited about it. Gary said that Eric is always giving them a hard time about getting him into New York City.
Eric said that it's not that easy for him to travel on an airplane. Howard wondered what the problem could be, he just has to sit there. Eric said that it takes quite a while to get that kind of stuff arranged. Then he was saying that he wanted to be a correspondent for a NASCAR race for Bubba's show. Howard didn't understand why he would do that when they've offered him a show already. Eric wanted to work his way into doing the American Idol show. Howard told Eric that he's really sick of doing this with Eric. He told Eric he's not doing any race and Bubba isn't going to have him on the show.
Howard told Eric that they've already given him the chance to do his own show on Howard 100. Gary told Eric that they want him on this Tuesday night or Wednesday night at the latest. Eric can't make that happen. He was explaining what they're doing. Gary asked Eric if he's available for a week from Tuesday. Eric said yes but he was also talking about how he wants to wait for the final 24 so he can interview some of the contestants.
Gary said that the guy who worked that whole wheelchair thing really well was Doug Bady who used to come on the show. Artie said that Larry Flynt has also worked it pretty well. Howard said that Eric should be able to get into any event looking the way he does and he hasn't made it work.
Eric told Howard and Gary that they know more people than he knows to get him into events. Gary said that Brian Dunkleman said that he would actually swing by and pick Eric up on his way to New York if they wanted him to. Gary said that Eric seems to be mad that he has to fill a full hour for this show he has to do and he wants a bunch of American Idol guests. Howard asked Eric if he would interview Fantasia Barino if they got her on the show. Eric said that she's not a good representation for American Idol and he doesn't want her on the show. Gary said that would be a great show if he confronted her on the stuff he was talking about.
Gary was trying to pull more information out of Eric about why he dislikes Fantasia so much. Eric said he doesn't have a problem with Bo Bice even though he's had legal problems but he still dislikes Fantasia because she got knocked up. The guys asked Eric what he thought about the guy they had on last week talking about Clay Aiken. Eric said he didn't believe that Clay wanted to fist him like the guy said. They goofed on Eric about that a little bit.
Gary said that they want to make this happen next week and they will have Eric do the show from their Los Angeles studios. Howard said they could do a remote from outside of American Idol's studios or something like that. Gary said they could set up a small table and have him do it outside the studios. Howard wrapped up with him and moved on to Lisa G.
Howard was saying that he was thinking about sports and figured that any sport you can play through your whole life, isn't really a sport.
Howard said he went out and had some wine on Friday night and ended up calling into Scott Ferrall's show. He said he was told he didn't sound that drunk but he was so drunk he doesn't remember the whole call. He said he kind of remembers making the call but didn't remember exactly what he talked about. Fred was playing some songs for Artie and Howard to sing along with. They were singing along to ''All the Young Dudes'' and talking about David Bowie a little bit as well.
Howard had the woman come in who is going to be doing the bikini wax. She came in and told Howard that she works at Skin Beauty Lounge in Washington DC. Howard was going to bring up the SIRIUS Spa channel to listen to while they were doing this bikini wax thing. Howard said he couldn't find the channel because it wasn't called Spa. Robin told him it is the Spa channel. Howard ran across the Maxim channel and mentioned that Rob Cross from their old station is now programming over there. He eventually found the Spa channel and put that on as he spoke to the woman who was going to do the bikini wax.
Nora told Howard that the bikini wax is going to take a few minutes and she's going to need Richard to help her out a little bit. She said that some people do bleed when they get this done to them. She said that the guys have to get up on all fours sometimes to get the waxing done. She said that she's never pulled any doody out of there after Howard asked about that.
Howard asked how often this has to be done. She said that it should be done about monthly. Some guys come back every 3 weeks or so to get it done. Nora said that this seems to be a gay thing or a European thing for the most part. Howard asked her if it's hot when a hot chick comes in. She said there's nothing sexy about it because she's just pulling hair out. She also said that there was one guy who got an erection when he got his waxing done. She had to ask him to leave.
Richard was ready to go so Howard told Nora to get ready. She said that she will be powdering down his balls and ass before applying the wax. She said that she will be doing that with her hand too so Richard was ready to go. Howard figures that Richard will be screaming when it gets done. Nora needed about 5 minutes to get ready. Howard said he'd take some phone calls but ended up talking to Richard about his sensitive balls. Richard said he's afraid that it's really going to hurt when she rips that stuff off of there.
Howard was digging the Spa channel on SIRIUS as he was listening. Robin is into it as well and has listened to it before. Howard was also talking about the Olympics a little bit as he waited for Nora to get ready. He then asked Nora how things were going. She was ready to go and had a ton of stuff there to help her out. Then she asked Richard to take off everything from the waist down.
Robin said that she had one of these done to her one time and she screamed so loud that she cleared the waiting room. Richard was wearing Homer Simpson underwear so the guys goofed on him about that. Gary said that Richard's ass was pretty hairy and he wasn't even looking that close. Nora said she's actually seen worse. Howard thought that she dry heaved when she saw him though.
Richard laid down on his back and Nora said she was going to clean off his area with some antiseptic. Robin thought that he looked kind of small so Nora said that he was a little smaller than normal. She put some powder on his area and Richard said that it smelled good. Howard described what was going on and noticed that Nora kind of brushed against Richard's penis. She said she has to do that when she's doing this.
Nora put on the wax and then started to rip off the hair. Richard was moaning and groaning because he didn't know she was about to start. Gary said that it ripped out all of the hair and it was as clean as a baby's bottom. Nora did a few more rips and Richard was yelling in pain. He was also starting to bleed a little bit. Nora warned him that she was going to get closer to the shaft. She started to do that and Richard was screaming out in pain even more. She pulled some hair off the sides of his shaft and then applied more wax to rip the hair off. She didn't hesitate at all and kept Richard screaming out in pain over and over again.
Artie said that Richard looked like a giant baby sitting there screaming and kicking his legs around. Nora pulled the hair off of Richard's balls and it sounded like it hurt worse than any of the other pulls. Richard wanted to keep going because he wanted to get it over with. He was in a lot of pain when she pulled the ball hair off. Howard asked him if he wanted to stop. Richard just wanted to get it over with. The noises that were coming out of Richard were pretty funny so Howard and Artie were laughing their asses off. It was the ball sack that was really painful.
Howard asked Richard to stop but Richard wanted to get it all done because it would look odd if he didn't. Nora kept going and Richard kept yelling. He was anticipating the pulling off of the air and would ramp up on the screaming as it came. His balls were bleeding and she didn't think it was all that much. Richard had some bat wings going because his balls were so clean. The blood was making them stick to his thighs.
Artie said that watching his legs going up and down was hilarious. Nora was putting some lotion on Richard's area down there and it looked like she was giving him a hand job. She then ripped some hair off of the top of his shaft. Richard said the bottom of his balls was the worst pain. She went to the side of his penis and ripped the hair off which made Richard make some very odd noises. He was as clean as a whistle according to Gary.
Nora went to Richard's ass and told him to hold on. Richard said it really wasn't as bad as he expected down there. Then she went right in around his hole and pulled out the hair. Then she went for the taint. Richard wasn't as in much pain as it sounded like he was earlier. She pulled the hair out of his taint and asked if he wanted the hair off of his ass. He said he just wanted it even around there. She went back for his hole and pulled out some stubborn hairs. She went down below his balls again and he was yelling out in pain once again. Even stranger sounds were coming out of him as that was going on.
Artie told Richard he looked like a fruit now. She pulled some hair off his ass cheeks and Richard said it wasn't that painful. He also told Nora that he had farted a little while before that but it was a silent one. Howard wanted to give Richard a sentence to say while he was getting the hair pulled. Howard asked him to say ''The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain...'' He tried it but it came out kind of rough.
Nora missed some hair on Richard's balls so she went back there and tried to get them out. Richard sounded like he was being beaten or whipped every time she pulled out the hair. Howard said he wants to put an embargo on the pictures Jason was taking until they put this on Howard Stern On Demand. Nora was still pulling hair off of Richard's balls as the guys were restraining him. He was shaking making even stranger noises as it went along.
Nora said that she would normally tweeze some of the stubborn hair. She poured some antiseptic on his area and that made Richard scream out even more than he was during the hair pulling. She then put on some soothing lotion and some powder. Richard said that the pain was so bad that it didn't even feel good when Nora was putting the lotion on. Richard stood up to show the guys what he looked like. Howard said it looked ridiculous. Robin said that Richard's balls were bright read like he had a light bulb down there. Artie said it looked like he had Red Buttons in a leg lock.
Richard said he will never do this again, he'd rather shave down there. He also said that he respects women even more now that he knows what they have to go through. Howard gave Nora another plug for her web site SkinBeautyLounge.com. Nora said that she actually waxes herself so she's very clean down below. Robin said that he really did look like a big baby getting changed during the whole thing.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that the cringe factor was about as high as the time Steve O stapled his balls to his leg. Howard wondered who the first guy was who actually had that done because they must have felt like their balls were getting pulled off. Another caller asked Richard if he thought it was worth it to get that done. Howard thought it looked ridiculous and it couldn't be worth it. Richard said that it wasn't that bad and he will like being able to clean that area so easy.
Robin asked Richard if he gets off on pain. Richard said he does a little bit. The guys said that his penis looked like a rooster's neck. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if Richard was okay. He said he was fine. Howard took a call from another guy who said that Richard has to dip his balls in alcohol every hour. Nora said that's not true. Richard said that was the most painful part of the whole thing when she poured the alcohol on his balls.
A couple of guys called in and said that they've tried to have that done but they had to bail out because it was so painful. Howard wrapped up with Nora and Richard a short time later.
Howard was supposed to be doing a commercial but he took a bunch of phone calls about Richard's waxing. He eventually did the commercial and then came back from break a little while later.
Howard said he thought the Richard Christy thing was an interesting segment they had just done. He went on to talk about the snow storm that hit the city over the weekend. He said he went out on Saturday night and there was no one around because they were so afraid that it was going to snow. He said the snow hadn't even started at that point but everyone was afraid so they had a straight shot out to where they went to eat.
Gary told Howard they had the audio from Scott Ferrall's show ready to play. Howard played the clip where he called in after drinking a whole bottle of wine. Howard was kind of coming on to Scott's co-host Lynn and then Beth came into the room and told him to hang up and go to bed. Howard then hung up. Ferrall doesn't let Lynn get in a word during the show. Howard said that she's good too and he'd think about putting her on another show. Howard said that the guy seems to be insane though. He's got to calm down at some point. Howard said that Ferrall must have been worn out on Friday night and that's why he was liking his show so much that night.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Howard how great his On Demand show is. He said he watched some of the old shows they have available on there and how great they are. Another caller asked Howard to play a sound bite of Richard yelling because he wasn't able to hear them all because he was laughing so hard. Howard said that's a good idea and asked the guys to get him a few clips so he can play them on the air.
Howard was talking about some of the stuff that they have going on with his channels. He mentioned that Bob Levy will be doing a show tomorrow night (Miserable Men) where he talks to guys who have had problems with women. He's supposed to have one lawyer who hates women so much that he refuses to take them as clients.
Howard said that he went out with Beth on Friday night to Gramercy Tavern and drank a whole bottle of wine himself. He said he was really hungry because he was trying to lose some weight. He didn't eat anything, he just drank the wine instead. He was whispering into her hear that he wanted more of her and said that he wanted to eat her asshole. The waiter heard him say it to her and was laughing his ass off. Beth told him he was disgusting and later said that it was very rude of him to say that. He said that it was very loving in his opinion. He didn't realize that he said it loud enough for the waiter to hear.
Howard thought he sounded kind of like Pat O'Brien so they played some clips from Pat O'Brien's voice mail where he was talking about doing things to a chick. Howard also had a clip of another SIRIUS show interviewing Pat about what he thinks about Howard being on SIRIUS. Pat said that he's a friend of Howard's and likes that he's on there but wouldn't talk about the clips that he plays on the show.
Howard told Gary that he should give Beth a call and get her on the line to talk about what went on over the weekend. The woman who called in about the marriage was still on the line. She wondered if Howard remembered her being on the show but he didn't. She said that he told her she looked like a young Linda Ronstadt when she was in. Howard didn't remember her and let her go a short time later.
Howard said he gets the idea that Billy West hates them now but he wanted to offer Billy a job where he hosts a show as The Jackie Puppet. He said he's heard interviews where Billy gets mad at him about the way management handled him. Robin reminded Howard that Billy sent him an audio message that they never played on the air. Howard heard it but he doesn't remember exactly what he said in that.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that the stuff with Richard was funny and he was laughing his ass off. Howard told him he's got to see it on TV when it comes out. Jeff got in a plug for his album that's available for sale at FYE stores. Howard told Jeff that no one is going to buy that thing. He said that he's pretty sure that his audience isn't so dumb to buy into that whole thing like people did with William Hung from American Idol. Howard let him get in another plug for the album that's available at FYE stores.
Benjy told Howard that they offer a signed copy of his CD from the store. Jeff said he doesn't charge extra for his signature though. Jeff told the guys that he didn't get paid ahead of time and he will only be paid for sales. Artie said that he's been through all of that and he knows that you have to get paid up front and you have to be able to sell that stuff on your own web site.
Fred played some of the jokes from Jackie's Gross Master. The jokes were really bad but Howard and the guys did find a couple of them to be kind of funny. Howard said Jackie also sent them his newest song about smoking pot with his dick out. Howard said Tim Sabean told him they were talking to Jackie about doing a show for them but Jackie started making money demands. Gary said that he spoke to Jackie recently and he was giving him a hard time about coming back on the show.
Howard said that he got a letter from Dee Snider after he did the show and it kind of turned him off. He was saying something about how Craig Gass was his guy on his show for a while and they stole him away. Gary said that they were using Gass years before Dee was even in radio so he doesn't know where that came from. Howard said that Dee was also asking not to have to go through Tim Sabean to get a gig on his channels. Howard said it really turned him off to Dee when he read all of that.
Howard played more of Jackie's Gross Master joke thing and tried to get through some of those clips. He gave up on one clip where Jackie was singing ''Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts...'' when Jackie started to sing it for the second time. They went to commercial a short time later.
George told Howard that he injured his shoulder doing push-ups trying to get back in shape. He's gained some weight since starting there at Howard 100 News and he's trying to keep that weight off. He's actually working on a book about how to stay in shape. Howard asked him how his diet is going to be different. George didn't say exactly what it will be. Gary told Howard that when he and George go down in the elevator together people all around him listen in because of that voice of his.
Howard asked George if he ever did any Deejaying when he was in the business. George said he used to do Top 40 stuff. Howard asked him what kind of stuff they used to talk up so they could play some music and talk it up. George talked up a Frank Sinatra song and sounded very professional hitting that post right on the money. He tried a Supreme's song too and had a little bit of trouble talking that one up but still hit the post. He screwed up the third one but hit it on the second try. He used to work at WGBB so he those were the call letters he was using as he talked it up.
Howard asked Gary where Beth was because he asked Gary to have her call in. Gary said he told Laura to let Beth know but she hadn't called in yet.
George gave everyone a preview of what they will be covering today on Howard 100 News. He said that they'll be talking about the benefit show they did for Sean Rooney (Beetlejuice's manager). It apparently didn't go over very well. They'll also be doing a report about Richard Christy's bikini wax. Richard came in a short time later and said that he's in pain right now and he's walking around bow-legged after that whole thing.
Howard moved on to Jon Hein who said they'll be talking about Richard's bikini wax and about Eric the Actor's radio show. Howard and Robin told Jon that he's been renamed ''Eric the Astronaut'' because he's as much of an astronaut as he is an actor. Howard let Jon go and went to another commercial break.
Howard said that he's got some hairs on his shaft and he's trying to figure out what to do about that. Artie said that he's a hairy guy and doesn't have anything like that going on. Howard said he doesn't shave those hairs so they look like billy goat hairs sticking out. Artie said it's a guy's private parts and they're just disgusting. Every guy looks disgusting and women are so beautiful down there.
Howard played some more of the Richard clips where he was making all kinds of strange sounds as he was getting waxed. Howard said that isn't going to help Richard get laid, that's for sure. He took a phone call from a guy who said he almost drove off the road when he heard that stuff earlier.
Howard said that there was this guy who called the show and said that he takes guys to whore houses in Ecuador. The guys can do whatever they want to the women. Howard said they thought it would be funny to send Richard down there but Richard said he has a real fear of Central America so he didn't want to go. Gary said that it's actually the Dominican Republic that they're sending him to and that's not part of Central America. Richard said he's scared of anything south of the United States. He said he went to Chili one time and it was the worst experience of his life. He was playing with his band at the time.
Richard said that anywhere South is trouble, he doesn't have any problem with Europe though. He told the guys that their plane almost crashed down in South America one time when they got caught in a bad storm. He said that the plane was really old too so that was pretty scary. Richard said their pilot was a Mexican guy who didn't speak English so he had no idea what was going on. He said he's scared of flying the way it is and when the guy doesn't speak English it's even worse.
Gary said that this company wanted to advertise on the show but they don't take advertising from whore houses. Richard also said that he has a problem with prostitutes too so he doesn't want to do this thing. He said he might take a hand job from one of the girls if she was wearing a plastic glove. Gary heard that Richard got a blow job from a porn star one time but he didn't have a problem with that. Richard said she had only done a few movies at the time so it wasn't a big deal.
Howard played more of Richard's waxing clips and got a few more laughs from them. They listened to a bunch of the clips and then asked if there are any other guys on the show who want to go down to this whore house they were talking about. JD came in and said he'd go but he doesn't want any video take of the actual sex act. Howard told him they want to get the process filmed where he goes through the girls. JD said he would like a day or two to think about it. He's thinking about his future. Howard told him to stop thinking about his future in directing because he's already 26 years old and it's just not going to happen for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who has been to one of those Dominican Republic whore houses that they were talking about earlier. The guy said that they actually have a drive through service where you get a chick, get her in your car and pull into a garage to do her. He said that you can do the chicks all night for $100 if you want. Artie said it's like ''drive thru pussy'' so Howard said he's going to create a bunch of ''Drive Thru Pussy'' stores and buy up all of the real estate like Ray Kroc did with McDonalds.
The caller told Howard that you don't actually do the chick in the car, you drive into the hotel room through the garage. He wasn't being very clear. Fred was painting a picture with some sound effects of Taylor Rain getting banged with horns honking and Richard Christy's screaming all thrown together. The caller said that some of the chicks are pretty good looking and almost Playboy caliber. He said if they're not that hot, you just get drunk and fuck 'em anyway.
Another caller told Howard how it really works down there. He's been there and has driven into those places. He said you pull in the garage and then walk into the room where there's just a bed and a TV, that's it. He said there are optional rooms where they have Jacuzzi tubs. Howard said he would never get into a tub at one of those places. He figures it must be really disgusting in those rooms.
Howard took another call from a guy who said there are Supermodel types down in Tijuana that you can get. He said you might get to choose from 100 girls and 30 of them will be hot. He also said that some of them are really freaky looking though. He told a story about banging one girl who was the hottest girl he's ever seen... and he got her for $60 an hour.
Artie said he's been down there and never saw any of that going on. He talked about his Las Vegas whore who took him for $500 one night. He remembers her asking him to settle up the next morning and how upset he was that he actually had to get out of bed to get her the $500. He said they did everything twice that night so it was more like $250 per session instead of one $500 charge.
Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 11:10am
Howard started off the show talking about Valentine's day. Artie wished him a happy Valentine's day so Howard said that Artie had gone gay which led to him playing their new ''Backdoor Mountain'' comedy bit. They took audio clips of Artie from his Queer Eye makeover where he was telling the gay guys to f-him and stuff like that. Artie didn't remember all of the clips they played in that bit.
Robin asked him if he thought he could ever go gay. Howard kept saying no to her questions. He said that even though he was kind of fascinated by Richard Christy's waxing yesterday, there's no chance he's going gay. He said they put some pictures of that up on his web site yesterday and it almost crashed because of that. He said they took over 150 pictures but he just wanted to put up a few as teasers for the show which will air on Howard TV (Howard Stern On Demand) next month.
Howard got a note from Doug Goodstein who was editing the Richard Christy bikini waxing and he said that he was laughing his ass off at that show, maybe more than any other show he's seen. Howard then read some e-mail that they got about that segment. People were loving Richard's screaming. They had a bunch of audio clips of him yelling. Howard played some of those to let people in on what it sounded like.
Howard read one of the e-mails from a guy who said that was great revenge for all of the gay stuff that Richard has put everyone through. The guys played more of the audio clips where Richard was moaning and yelling as Howard was reading more mail about it. One person thought that topped the Jenna Jameson show where she got on the Sybian.
Howard said there's one great picture up on his web site where Richard has his legs in the air and Will and Gary are holding his legs up. He read a couple more e-mails about that and more audio clips where you could hear the ripping of Richard's hair. Howard said that what's good about that chick who was ripping the hair out was that she did it quickly.
Howard asked Richard to come in and let them know how he's feeling today. Richard came in a short time later and said that he feels great today. He said he feels fine. It was a little numb down there according to Richard but he feels great. He said things were sticking together this morning but he's not sure if that's because of the lack of hair or wax still being there. He said it made for an easier cleanup after going to the bathroom.
Howard played a clip where they played Richard over a scene from The Exorcist when they threw holy water on the chick. Richard was yelling about how it burned after having alcohol poured on his area. Robin asked him how red it was today. He was willing to whip it out for her but she didn't want to see it. Howard did though so Richard showed him how red it was.
Dan the Song Parody Man must have been busy because they had a song parody ready to go where they used his audio clips. Richard showed off his redness to the guys. Artie said that Robin was right, he is a different man... He's a woman today. Richard said that the toughest hair was on the shaft where his penis meets his balls. Howard said he finds it hard to believe that he needs to use Magnum condoms because he's no bigger than he is down there when he's soft. Richard says he grows quite a bit from that limp state. Howard said he grows too but not enough to need Magnums.
Howard had another parody of ''Brokeback Mountain'' where they took clips of Gary's ''Babapology'' tape and Vinnie Favale's ''I Love You Debbie'' tapes to make it sound like the two of them were in love with each other. They called that ''Baba Booey Mountain.'' Howard said they're going to be recording another one called ''Buttcrack Mountain'' today.
A caller told Howard that Richard is a home run. Howard said he did tell Richard that he took one for the team when he did that. He said that Beth got angry yesterday when she heard about that. She said that now Howard knows the pain women have to go through when they get waxed. Howard said that it's different for men because they have the balls down there. Beth says that women have to go through a lot of pain as well though. He said he didn't want to be caught up in that argument though.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who was giving them some ideas for a bit they could do using his audio clips. Robin wondered if Richard makes noises like that when he's having sex. Richard said he does grunt and when he orgasms he sounds kind of like those audio clips. Howard said no one sounds that good when they're doing that. Artie said the video is something people have to see because he was flailing all over the place during that.
A listener told Howard that he wrote a song parody to the tune of a White Stripes song about Richard's waxing. He sang it but Howard told him he needs the sound effects playing while he's singing. They played more of the sounds and Richard said some of them sound like something from ''Cape Fear'' where De Niro is laughing in the movie theater. Artie said that scene is even funnier when you realize that he's watching the movie ''Problem Child'' while he's laughing inappropriately.
Howard kept playing Richard's audio clips and continued to goof around with them for a few minutes. He took another phone call from a guy who thought that was very funny yesterday when Richard was getting waxed. Howard said that maybe they should do that every day. He asked Richard yesterday if he would do it and Richard said he probably would. He said he might even do it after a month because he may be immune to the pain. The caller said that he would love to see that stuff live on the internet but Howard said that would ruin the TV show.
Robin asked if the web can handle video well these days. Howard said that it seemed to work okay when they did their final day and Yahoo! was covering it. The caller said he's not able to see the TV show at work but he could watch it if it was on the web.
Howard said that they're saying that Cheney didn't tell people very quickly what had happened. The news didn't come out for about 24 hours. Richard read that he didn't have some kind of permit he needed either. Howard said that Cheney can't win either way because if he had released a press release about it, it may have looked like he was more worried about his image than the man he shot.
Howard said he read an article about the jokes that were told about Dick Cheney's shooting. The article gave the jokes that Jay Leno was telling about the incident and they sure didn't sound funny when Howard was reading them. Howard also read some of Letterman's jokes and they weren't much better. They were all kind of lame. Howard said someone said that they were glad that Cheney had shot a lawyer and not a doctor.
An e-mailer asked Artie when he's going to get a trailer up for his new movie Beer League. Artie said they're working on it and they need to get some rights to use the music first. Howard quickly moved on to talk about Wayne Gretzky and his wife Janet Jones. The article he was reading about said that Wayne has lost about $2 million in recent times because of the gambling he and his wife were doing. Howard said that when he reads stuff like that he gets upset because he realizes what people have to go through to earn that kind of money. He doesn't get it when they just blow through it like that. Howard read an article about Janet's betting. She claims that she never placed any sports bets for her husband.
A phone caller pointed out that Artie's sports picks have probably cost people a lot more than Gretzky lost. The caller also asked Howard if he would bring back ''Son of the Beach.'' Howard said that he's put a lot of stuff on hold right now because he's so busy with the new radio show and TV show. He's got a few things that are still in development but he has put a bunch of things on hold. The caller said that he really loved ''Son of the Beach'' and misses it now that it's gone. Howard was kind of surprised that FX canceled the show because it was number one on the channel at the time. He said they canceled it because they wanted even bigger ratings and needed the money to develop other shows.
The caller also mentioned that Artie will be on Raw Dog in a few weeks. Artie said that he was over there yesterday and he had a great time just sitting there and bullshitting about comedy. He said that they invited him back to do another show in a few weeks where they'll be playing clips from old stand-up and stuff like that. He said he'll be back on in 2 Monday's from this week. The caller was talking over Howard so he wondered what's up with that. He's never been able to get people to stop talking when he starts. Artie told Howard that he should go on some of the other channels there because it's a lot of fun. Howard said he just doesn't have time to do that. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said that Benjy went out and tried to convert some Oprah fans from loving her. They found that you can't change an Oprah fan's mind. He pulled up the audio and played Benjy walking up to some broad trying to convince her to turn against Oprah. The woman told Benjy she thinks that she's a very good person. Benjy asked her if she would change her opinion of her if she heard that she called Mother Theresa a ''dirty spic.'' The woman said that's her opinion and it wouldn't change.
Benjy asked another Oprah fan if her opinion would change if she heard that Oprah said something nasty about the Jews. She also said she wouldn't change. Another woman was asked if she would change if she heard that Oprah once beat a staff member for asking for some time off. The woman said that if Oprah has done wrong, she must be punished but it doesn't take away from everything good she's done. Howard said that Oprah is a genius because she's got all of these women programmed to believe in her no matter what.
Benjy did ask a guy what he would think about Oprah if she forced her friend to have oral sex with a dog. The guy changed his opinion of her when he heard that but all of the women were completely brainwashed. He played another clip where Benjy asked a woman what she would think if Oprah said that AIDS was god's punishment to the homosexuals. The woman said that it would be a very narrow minded comment and her opinion of Oprah was ''kind of'' changed. Howard said he finds it unbelievable that she has women so programmed.
Howard took a call from a woman who wanted to talk about Oprah going off on that author who lied to her on her show. She thought it was wrong of her to annihilate the guy on her show the way she did. Howard said that it was wrong but he was an easy target. She doesn't do that with people like President Bush or Dick Cheney who she could also go off on. The woman said she felt really bad for that author and didn't like the way Oprah handled that whole thing.
Another caller talked about how much he hates Oprah. He was also talking about Mancow who he thinks is horrible at doing the commercials he's seen in his area. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about Oprah who really is a disgrace. She won't confront anyone who is in power and that's just wrong.
Joey said he is a fun loving guy and Howard's show has saved him over the years because it makes him laugh. Joey said that some of the guys on the show are real friends of his and he really appreciates that. Howard said that Joey is in a real rut right now and it's tough to get out of it. He knows that everyone has a bad day now and then but Joey is really stuck.
Robin said she's heard that Joey is in a place right now where he can't get out. Gary said that they were going to do the Wack Pack Revelations next week but Joey is going to be going away next week. Howard told Gary to let Joey call in from rehab. Joey said he can't make any phone calls in the first week he's there so that won't happen. Howard said he wanted to do the revelation show this week but Gary said they weren't able to get everyone there this week.
Gary said they're going to try and set it up for a week from next Tuesday. Howard said that he's not even sure that Joey is a Wack Packer. Gary said that he thinks he is because he doesn't have a job and he is a wacky guy. Howard doesn't think he's that wacky. Howard told Gary to have Joey come in tomorrow and reveal his revelation and then go over the rest of them the week after. Joey said he'll be there tomorrow. He also thanked Howard for helping him out.
Howard told Joey that he's happy to hear that he's getting some help. The doctor on Meet the Shrink is kind of sexy according to Joey. He said that she's really good looking and she was showing some leg while she was talking to him.
Artie asked Joey what he would like to do for a living. Joey said he would love to work for the show some day. Howard asked him if he has a hobby of any type. Howard told him that maybe he should become a bartender. Joey doesn't think that's going to happen. Howard told him to go back to school and do some drug counseling or something like that. Boots now spends about 15 hours a day on SternFanNetwork.com. Howard told him to do some web site design or something like that. Joey said he doesn't have those skills.
Joey said that his passion is Howard Stern. Howard told him to write a magazine article or something like that. If he writes some good stuff, he'll post it on his web site. Maybe some magazine will pick it up. Howard told him to write ''Diary of a Stern Fan'' and he'll read that. Robin asked him why he hates Double A so much. Joey said that he just doesn't like him because he's a fake just like a bunch of the people he hangs out with. Howard let him go a short time later and went to break.
Howard played the ''Baba Booey Mountain'' clip that he had played earlier in the morning. He also played the ''Backdoor Mountain'' bit they put together using clips of Artie from his Queer Eye makeover.
Howard said that last year they had this chick Valentina Vaughn come to Scores with them and she was coming on to Will over there. She came in the studio a short time later. Howard asked her if she had a crush on Will. She didn't know what Howard was talking about though. Will said that they were being very friendly that night but he doesn't think he could have gotten her. Valentina said she was talking to everyone that night.
Howard read that Valentina stopped doing something with Penthouse. She said she quit the Pet of the Year thing. She said they wanted a two year contract where they were going to take over her web site and stuff like that. She didn't want to do that so she backed out of it. She was having trouble with her microphone so Howard had the guys change it for her.
Howard said that Valentina is so hot. He had her describe herself a little bit but interrupted her and said that she might look like Tia Carrera if Tia was still hot. She said that her measurements are 35-26-36 and she's somewhere around a B or C cup.
Valentina is working on a new movie that will be out in March of this year. She said she'll be doing girl-on-girl stuff with Adrianna Sage. She'll be playing a submissive in the movie and the other woman will be doing stuff to her. Howard was trying to figure out exactly what was going to be going on in the movie so he dug deeper trying to find out. She said that there are a ton of yanking and spanking scenes that she did with Adrianna.
Howard asked Valentina why she was wearing a bra with the dress she was wearing. She said it was red for Valentine's day. She took the dress off a short time later. She was wearing bra and panties after that. Valentina told Howard that she's dating a guy right now and she really doesn't do girls when she's not working. Howard tried to get more out of her about the scenes she does in this new movie of hers. She told Howard that there's one scene where she's standing around a bunch of other women who are doing whatever they want to her but she can't do anything to them.
Valentina said that she's wearing clothes in the movie but they're cut in strategic ways so you can always see everything underneath. She said that in the scene she drops her drink and then her master has to discipline her. She said she doesn't get to do all that much in the scene though. Howard doesn't get that and said that he should be directing porn.
Howard asked Valentina about this boyfriend of hers. She said that they've been seeing each other for about 6 months but he's only been with her regularly over the past 2 months. She said she met him a while ago and just hooked up with him recently. Howard told her that she should be modeling instead of doing porn. Valentina said she actually liked doing porn and it's fun for her. She said that it's not upsetting or anything like real modeling would be.
Richard Christy came in and said he can't wait for her to go into hard core porn. Howard said it shouldn't be too long. He gave her a plug for her movie ''Valentina'' and her web site ValentinaVaughn.com. He also told her that she's got to get on the Sybian. She didn't know what it was so Howard described it to her. It's a female masturbation machine. He asked her if she orgasms easily. She said that she can if she does herself. She said she uses her fingers most of the time but does use some toys once in a while.
Howard asked Valentina what she thinks about while she's doing herself. She told Howard that she'll be in bed and her hands will drift down there. She said she thinks about porn a lot and about the girls she's been with. Howard wanted details so he asked her what scenarios she thinks about. She said she likes to be dated up and will think about stuff like that for days. She said she also thinks about being tickled so Howard was thinking of putting her in the tickle chair.
Valentina told Howard that she's also fantasized about putting a strap-on on and doing a chick because she'd like to see what it's like to get off like that. She said she thinks about being spanked sometimes. Howard told her that she's got to get on the Sybian. The guys brought in some of the attachments for the machine. Gary pulled one out that was the same as the one Jenna Jameson used when she was in a couple of weeks ago.
Howard told Gary to just put the thing on the machine and get going. Richard asked if he could stay in there and watch after going through what he did yesterday. Valentina didn't have a problem with it so Richard got to stay. Gary screwed the attachment to the Sybian while Howard was giving her some plugs for her movie and web site. She was standing there in bra and panties with high heels on.
Howard told Valentina to let them know what she was feeling as the machine was working on her. She said she doesn't even do this stuff for work so she's not sure how it will go. Will was instructing her on how to sit on the thing. She didn't seem to be all that into it but Howard asked her to let them know exactly what she was feeling. Gary started the machine out at 20% and Valentina said that it felt good. She wasn't sure about where the attachment was supposed to go though.
Howard had Gary ramp up the machine a little more and asked her if she was feeling anything. She said she was feeling it so Gary brought up the speed a little more. Howard kept having him bring it up and up even more. Howard asked her if she would have an orgasm and she said she could. Gary brought her up another 20 percent and she did start breathing heavy and moaning. She said it was feeling very good and it was hitting ''everything.'' Howard had Gary bring it up to full speed so Howard told her to ride it like a bull. She was still breathing heavy. She asked Gary to bring the speed down a little bit because it was too much. She then started moaning as her voice was quivering from the vibration. She said she actually did have an orgasm so she had Gary turn it off.
Howard asked her what she thought about it. She said that it was a 10 on a scale of 10. Gary said that she was moving her lip in a way that can't be faked so he believes that it was real. She was sticking her hands down her panties and told Howard she was fixing herself. She also said that she can see that machine fucking up a guy's life. She said that if she did that every day it would ruin regular sex. Richard said that it was an 11 on a scale of 10 because it was so wild.
Gary said that no guy could equal that machine. Howard asked Valentina what the hottest sexual experience she's ever had was. She said that it was one time when her boyfriend had her over and didn't even try to get her that night.
Howard took some phone calls from some guys who loved what they heard. He said that once they get that on Howard Stern On Demand it will be great. One guy said that the Sybian is great but Howard said that he was going to work the controls himself. Howard said he had other controls to work. Another caller said that he was sporting wood on his way into work.
Howard told Gary to tell them that if they want to come in they have to be in bra and panties. The girls weren't sure if Howard was for real or not. Howard told them he is and demanded that they come in like that and then negotiate more. They can't promote the movie until they get in bra and panties and negotiate more.
Gary said that Valentina looked to be into the taller of the two chicks. One of the girls said that she would massage Valentina and kiss her neck but didn't want to get into bra and panties. Howard told the girls that they have to get into bathing suits, give the massage and kiss her neck. One of the girls said ''shirts off'' only. Howard wondered if her ass is too big or something. That wasn't the case according to Gary. He said they both had great asses.
Howard said this was a win-win situation because they get to plug their movie and they get to see them messing around with Valentina. One of the women told Howard about a threesome she had one time and he seemed to like that story. Valentina thought it would be nice to have this woman kissing her neck. Gary said she really looked like she melted when she saw this chick.
The women were being a pain in the ass. One of them wasn't even in the negotiations because she wasn't willing to do anything. Howard said he thought it would be a lot of fun but the girls were still hesitating. The one woman kept saying that she wasn't going to do anything in panties. Benjy didn't want Howard to take anything off the table in the negotiations. A phone caller also said that Howard should kick them out of the studio because they were so annoying.
One of the girls finally agreed to do it so they had everyone get ready. Howard said that the woman who came in had a killer body. Howard had Valentina lay on the couch, on her back, so the woman could massage her legs. The woman, whose name we still didn't know, started to rub her legs. Valentina said she was doing a good job and had a soft touch. She said she felt good. The woman gave Valentina a kiss and then Valentina rolled over. Benjy liked what he saw. He thought that the girls were getting turned on.
Gary told Howard they have an attachment for the Sybian that allows two women to get on at the same time. Valentina figured the other chick wasn't going to get on there with her so she knew that it wasn't going to happen. Howard thanked the girls for coming in and then let the girls promote the movie they were in to promote. The Sybian was fired up again so Valentina hopped on it again. She said she didn't want to go through that again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is finally back and there's no more homo shit. Howard finally found out that the woman's name was Jamie. He had Valentina go over to rub her shoulders to return the favor from the massage earlier. Valentina was rubbing her lower back and said her butt was nice and firm. Howard told her to give her a kiss on the neck too. Jamie was laying there and letting Valentina rub her down a bit. They even kissed. Gary said that the other chick just about passed out when she saw that.
The girls were in to promote the movie ''Date Movie'' which comes out on Friday. The other chick said that Allison Hannigan stars in the movie. Howard said that he likes the TV show she's doing called ''How I Met Your Mother.'' Gary helped the girls out promoting the movie and said that the trailer looks like it's pretty funny.
Howard had Jamie spank Valentina a little bit. She went right ahead and did that. Richard said it would be really hot if Valentina got in the tickle chair and Jamie tickled her. Howard told Valentina to get in the tickle chair so they could do that. Howard said it looked like the two of them were in love already. They strapped Valentina into the chair but she said she doesn't like to be tickled. Jamie was ready to go and said she was going to tickle her all over.
Howard had Jamie go ahead and tickle Valentina as they played some music from the Spa Channel (73) on SIRIUS. Valentina started to laugh once Gary got in on the tickling. Jamie wasn't doing the job so Gary had to jump in. Valentina escaped from the restraints so Howard gave up. Howard gave the girls another plug for the ''Date Movie'' thing. He took a call from a guy who said that Richard had come up with some cool ideas even though he's so creepy. Valentina defended him and said that he's not creepy.
A woman said that she had to take care of herself while driving to work this morning because she was so turned on. She said she was good looking too. Howard was ready to stop since there was nothing else for them to do. Gary said that Valentina could strap one on and just do her. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the show was awesome and he thinks the Sybian is awesome as well. Howard told the guy to go to ValentinaVaughn.com to see just how hot she is. Artie said she's even hotter in person than she is on her web site. Howard said that they're shooting the new show in HD and she holds up very well in High Def. Artie said the HD doesn't work for him all that well. No one needs to see him in HD.
Another caller told Howard that he had to pull his Semi over to rub one out while that was going on. A few other callers said that this was one of the best shows ever. One guy suggested that they get more than one Sybian in the studio so they can have a couple of chicks getting off. Another caller said that they should have Jenna and Valentina on the Sybian at the same time. Howard said he's right and they should make that happen. Robin said that if they make that happen, they should start doing Pay-Per-Views.
Howard said that he thinks that Valentina Vaughn's breasts are close to perfect and they have to be real. Robin thinks that they were created by man and can't be real.
A caller asked Howard what happened to Elliot Offen. Howard said they tried to book him for the show after finding out he was part of an accident where a woman died from her injuries. Gary came in and said that they may have him booked for next week but they never know with Elliot.
Gary was planning on going to the party even though he was once told not to go to another party that Clinton was going to be at. He said that he thought he was going to get that call before going to the party last night. He ended up going to the party which was up in Harlem. He said he parked his car fully expecting that he would never see the car again.
Gary said that he parked about 2 blocks away and a lot of guys out there were telling him that Howard Stern is the man and stuff like that. Gary said he went to the party and got up to the 14th floor and didn't get patted down or anything like that. He said there were about 30 people there including James Carville and the guy who co-authored the book.
Gary said he walked in the front room and saw a back wall where President Clinton just materializes from. He said that Clinton was going from person to person and he saw him getting closer and closer to him. He said he's met a lot of famous people before so he figured it wasn't going to be that crazy. Then Bill gets right up to him and he was very charismatic. He was very tall and introduced himself to Gary. He was blown away when he put his hand on his shoulder and introduced himself.
Gary said he was standing there and figured it was best not to tell any stories. Someone next to Gary told Clinton who Gary was. Then Clinton turned to Gary and said ''Tell that rascal I said hello.'' as he moved on to the next person. Gary even had a picture of himself with Clinton that they'll put on Howard's site. Gary said they were having some fun at the party goofing on Cheney shooting that guy. James Carville was joking around about that and Clinton was joking around with him.
Gary said that Clinton invited everyone to walk around his office after opening up his big door up there. Gary got to tour the office and said there were a lot of crazy things in there. He said the author asked him to promote the book so he said that it's called ''Take It Back : Our Party, Our Country, Our Future.''
Howard asked if there was a descending water bed or anything cool like that in the office. Gary said there were a bunch of really interesting things in the office that he could have just grabbed but he would never do that. He also said that his car was still there when he left the party.
One caller said that all of the stuff that went on today makes up for the gay stuff they did last week. He said that they need to keep putting the women on the Sybian to make up for that gay stuff.
Another caller said that the Howard Stern On Demand thing is great with the old shows they put on. He was also saying that he heard that Bryant Gumbel was saying some weird things about the Olympics being too white and that they're not athletes. Howard hadn't heard the clip yet so he didn't know exactly what he said.
Howard took some more phone calls and one guy suggested that Robin sit on the Sybian while she's reading her news. Robin isn't going to do that though. Another guy asked Howard how he's feeling physically now that he's at this new job. Howard said that time just flies by on his show now and he's loving it. The caller said that he's really enjoying listening to it.
One caller asked Artie if he has any plans to do anything with Norm (Macdonald) because he loved ''Dirty Work.'' Artie thought the guy had great taste but Howard was kind of bummed out about it because he was talking about how great the show is and then says that he loves ''Dirty Work.''
Howard had some e-mail about Richard's bikini waxing from yesterday. That led to them playing more audio of his yelling.
Howard played a clip of this white teacher who got in trouble when he used the N-word in class with a black student. They played that clip on the show recently and then Sal and Richard used it to make some prank calls. They called a store where a black guy answered the phone and played clips of the teacher using the N-word. The guy eventually hung up on them of course.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he switched from XM to SIRIUS and XM offered him 2 free months if he'd stay on with them. Howard said some people have asked him if he thinks that XM and SIRIUS will ever merge and he doesn't think that will happen now that SIRIUS is picking up subscribers.
Howard got in a plug for Bubba the Love Sponge's show and ended up playing a prank call that his prank caller Ned made to Frito Lay. Ned called them about the Wow potato chips that they put out years ago. He played some fart sound effects as he was complaining about the chips. He said he ate about 2 bags and had to use the bags to wipe his ass with. He kept their customer service guys on the line for a few minutes as he goofed on them. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard had Fred playing some Cat Stevens songs as well and he was singing along to them. George Flowers from Howard 100 News was in so Howard had him give his preview of what they had coming up at noon. George said they an update on tonight's ''Miserable Men'' show that will feature Reverend Bob Levy and Shuli as the hosts. Howard wondered how that show will go over. He said he'll be listening tonight. Robin said she might listen as well. George said that Shuli will also do a report on Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern.'' She's apparently got some problems. Penny Crone will be doing a report on pet peeves that people have with Fred.
Jon Hein was in to give a preview of The Wrap Up Show. He said they'll be talking about Valentina Vaughn's appearance this morning. Howard had some pictures of her that he showed to George. George said it looked kind of painful for her sitting on the Sybian. Jon said they'll also be talking about how those two girls got on the show this morning to promote that movie. He said they'll also be talking about Gary meeting President Clinton. Howard said that Jon puts on a great show and everyone should listen. Jon said they'll also be talking about whether or not James Blunt should be a guest on the show. Howard said that his song will be in their ''Buttcrack Mountain'' parody when that comes out.
Howard wrapped up with George and Jon a short time later. Fred was playing some of Jackie the Joke Man's jokes from his Gross Master Jr. joke telling machine so they goofed around with that for a short time.
Howard was checking out more pictures of Valentina Vaughn from earlier in the show. The In Demand guys were also replaying some of the video which was in High Def. He said that she looks so hot... He said he'd do both Valentina and that chick who came in and rubbed her down. Howard tried to get Artie to talk about that but he wasn't responding so he actually went to Benjy to talk about it. Artie said he was mesmerized by the stuff they had on screen in the studio.
Howard asked what show would be better to put up, Richard getting waxed, Valentina Vaughn or Jenna Jameson. Everyone agreed that Valentina's show should be the first one to go up. Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that they don't have to pick one, they can put them all up at the same time. He said that today's' show was a little sexier than even Jenna's show because there was more going on. Howard thinks that Valentina may be the sexiest girl to ever come on the show. Artie said that he thought Pat Monahan's girlfriend Amber was the sexiest chick but she didn't get naked.
Howard had some fun with some audio clips during the news. He was playing the remixes of Dr. Phil, George Takei, Bill Clinton and Clay Aiken. He was making up a press conference for Dr. Phil since Robin had brought him up in the news. The made up press conference became a press conference that was interrupted by Bill Clinton, then George Takei and then Clay Aiken. He messed around with that for a few minutes before having Robin finish up her news.
Artie and Howard got into a discussion about who might live longer, Howard or Artie. Artie seems to think that Howard will outlive him. Howard said that he's pretty sure that Artie will die after his next comedy tour. Howard was also goofing on Lou Ferrigno for a few minutes after Robin mentioned that he's now a deputy sheriff. He had some fun with that and then wrapped up the show around 10:55am.
Howard said he was having problems with his phones again first thing this morning. He wasn't able to take phone calls again. He mentioned that Butch Patrick from ''The Munsters'' will be calling in later to talk about Grandpa Al Lewis who died last week. He also said that he was asked to speak at Grandpa's funeral but he's afraid he wouldn't be very good at something like that. He said he doesn't even want to make a speech at his parent's funeral because he's so afraid of being bad at it.
Howard said the invitation for the funeral came via e-mail. He thought about what it might be like if he actually did it. Then he thought about what he'd talk about. He figured he'd talk about how he met him but he doesn't remember that. He also never really spent any time off the air with Al so that wasn't something he could talk about. He figured that he would have to talk about how Al affected his life instead.
Howard said he would have stories about Grandpa crapping his pants and about him yelling out ''Fuck the FCC'' at their protest rally. He pretended to do the speech where he would talk about the faint stench of doody that came from Grandpa that day. Fred was playing some fart sounds so Howard told him he probably wouldn't do that at the funeral because this is serious. Howard went on to talk about how Grandpa yelled out the F-word over and over and how he may have crapped his pants that day.
Artie said that Grandpa is forever linked to Howard through that rally but if he doesn't have any personal experiences with him, it would be tough to do a eulogy. Howard said he might ask the crowd to sing along with him as he sings a song from 'The Munsters.' He started to write down some of the speech he might give and threw in some of the words from a Preacher who yelled about Lesbians breaking up families that they've played on the show.
Howard said he might be able to talk about Grandpa's basketball scouting and stuff like that but he really doesn't know enough to even do that. He said he'd have to research that more. Artie said that Howard knows about as much as anyone who read Grandpa's obituary in the paper. Howard said that Al Lewis wasn't even his real name. It was Alexander Meister.
Artie told Howard that he could mention in his speech that when he was asked to do the speech, he had to Google Al Lewis' name. Howard thought about even doing an impression of Grandpa at the funeral after dressing up like him. He did some of his impression and tried to remember some of the things Grandpa did on the show. Fred did his Herman Munster impression and played along with Howard. Howard said that they sounded like that horrible remake of 'The Munsters' that aired years ago. Artie remembered one of the episodes where Grandpa turned himself into a hot chick but she had Grandpa's voice. He said it was kind of creepy.
Howard said he hasn't responded to the e-mail he got about the funeral. It hasn't happened yet but he's still not sure what he wants to do. He said that maybe he could go there and get in some promotion for SIRIUS. He said he could mention the Spa channel (73) at the funeral and play the crowd some of the music. He said he could then go around the dial and play some of the BBC channel for them. Maybe some Bloomberg Radio or Hot Jams for them too. He stuck with the Hot Jams channel for a minute and made up a song to get the crowd up and dancing.
Howard said he feels bad that he can't give the speech because it would be all about him and why he liked Grandpa on TV. He was a fan and it would be like having a Star Trek fan give a eulogy for someone like George Takei. Howard believes that he would be inappropriate as the person doing a eulogy.
Robin told Howard that Grandpa's real name was Alexander Meister which was awfully close to Munster. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he really should do the eulogy. He should go up and speak from the heart because he really did love the guy. He said he should just wing it. Howard told the guy how that would go and it would last about 30 seconds. He knows he would bomb if he did that. The caller told Howard that he loves what they're doing and would like to play Win Fred's Money. He said he doesn't know if he could beat him but he could do pretty well against him. Howard put him on hold and said that they'll put him on the list of people who want to try and win Fred's money.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard saved him with the Dr. Sarno (The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain, Healing Back Pain : The Mind-Body Connection)mentions. He also said that this funeral seems like a big media event and maybe he should treat it like one. He should do a speech and get some publicity for himself.
The guys wondered who else would be ahead of Howard on the list of people to do a eulogy. Artie figured someone like Butch Patrick would be ahead of Howard.
Howard mentioned that he was on Scott Ferrall's show last night but he was barely able to get a word in. He tried to work his magic with his partner but Scott was cock blocking him. The caller had on the line brought up Valentina Vaughn from yesterday's show and said that they should have allowed her to jump in to get the other chick's naked. Howard said they worked it out just fine and Valentina wouldn't have done anything more. Howard said that they have a bunch of her pictures up on his web site but his web site is all screwed up today. It's really slow and tough to get on. He said that they put it up too soon but Doug Herwitt swears that it will be working right today.
Gary came in and told Howard who actually sent the request for him to do the eulogy. He said that it's the family publicist. Howard said he's probably going to turn down the offer to do it because he's just not the right person to do it. Howard saw that there was a guy on the phone who thought the eulogy thing was going nowhere and wanted him to stop. Howard said that was it and he would have to stop. He said he hates the negative calls... but he took this one.
Howard said that he's going to be off on Friday because he's got a family thing going on. He said that they have a great show planned for Friday though. Gary and Jon Hein are going to replay a bunch of old bits for the fans. They'll be playing Match Game 1983, Gilbert Dice Clay and more Mama Lookaboobooday bits. He read through a bunch of stuff that they'll be going over. Gary came in and told Howard about some of the stuff they'll be talking about. Howard said that if people don't like The Friday Show, they should get away from them as soon as possible.
Another caller said that when people call in with comments like that guy, they should just cut off his subscription. Howard said he was there all day yesterday recording ''Buttcrack Mountain'' but he's not sure if Scott will be able to cut it the way he wants. Fred said that some of the stuff is kind of complicated but Scott will be able to pull it off. Howard asked if Scott could play just some of it for them. Gary said that Scott told him that it was an Epic that had a lot of sound effects that he had to add. Howard said that's true and there are many sound effects in there. Scott came in and asked if they wanted to hear the first minute of ''Buttcrack Mountain.'' He said it would take about 5 minutes to get them that one minute piece.
Gary said that he got some suggestions from people to play all five of the week's shows on the weekend. Howard said he has Bubba on in the afternoons right now so he's not sure if he'd want to play the show up against his. Howard wants to make sure that everyone is satisfied. He's not sure what the right thing to do is. Gary said that he likes the idea of playing the show all day long on 101 while developing the rest of the shows on Howard 100.
Howard said there are people who listen 10 hours a day and don't want to hear the repeats of the news all day. Howard said they have a lot of stuff coming down soon. Last night's Miserable Men show was great with Bob Levy, Shuli and Jim Florentine. He took a phone call from a guy who said that he thought the show was good but it was too short. Howard liked one ''cunt'' song that they played last night. Sal came in and said that he actually wrote that song for Howard but he didn't like it so he gave it to Bob's show.
Gary said that Jon Hein is going to be doing a show called ''My Better Half'' where they're going to talk to Beth O, Mary Dell'Abate, Alison Norris, Mr. X and Dana. Howard said they're also developing a sitcom for Mark Harris which will be called ''My Dad's a Fag.'' That will be written by one of the guys who wrote for ''Son of the Beach.'' Robin figures that Mark is going to be very hard to deal with if he has any fame from that show.
Beth got Howard a Valentine's day gift which was a book about a dog that he wanted to read. He said he'll be reading that on the flight he's taking on Friday. He also said that she gave him an emery board for his nails. He's never had one before so this is his first one. He said he was watching ''The Bachelor'' last night and emery boarding his fingernails. He said that he knew that Artie was going to goof on him about that when he found out he was watching The Bachelor and using an emery board on his fingernails.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about The Bachelor. Artie asked him if he ever thought that he would some day be sitting around watching The Bachelor and using an emery board while Beth was sitting next to him. He didn't really answer Artie's question though.
Howard changed subjects and said that Pat O'Brien's ''The Insider'' co-host is calling Pat by a new nickname. She's calling him ''P.O.B.'' Howard played a quick clip of that and then played the minute of ''Buttcrack Mountain'' that Scott finally got to him.
Lisa G said she got an interview with Jeff Conaway that aired last night at 6. She said they got a lot of positive feedback about the Miserable Men show last night. Howard thought it was going to suck but the guys had him laughing. He said he liked that they let the callers tell their stories without interrupting. He said it was very funny.
Lisa said that they're going to be doing more of Penny Crone's Pet Peeve segments. Howard and Artie were trying to find more out about Lisa's dating life but she just wanted to get on with the news preview. Howard wanted to talk more about her though. Lisa talked about dating and some of the guys she's gone out with recently. Howard was saying that he's good for feeling up a chick on the second date but wanted to know when that happens for Lisa. Lisa just wanted to get back to the news update so that's what she did.
Lisa said that they got a lot of mail about a web site where this guy is trying to get laid so they'll be covering that and maybe replaying the Jeff Conaway interview she did last night. Howard let Lisa go after that even though he wanted to ask her more about her dating. He doesn't think it's a big deal but Robin said that maybe Lisa does.
Butch said that he has been asked to say a few words so he will do that. He said he will talk about how Grandpa was a personal mentor and how he helped him get through some tough times. He said he heard that there are going to be about 6 or 7 speakers at the funeral from what he's heard.
Butch told Howard about some of the stuff he'll talk about at the funeral. He told one quick story about some advice Grandpa had given him and Howard thought that the story was a bit too much about Butch. He said that's what he'd be afraid of doing if he was going to make a speech. Butch said that's a good point and maybe he should think more about that before doing the speech.
Butch mentioned some of the people who are scheduled to speak at the funeral. Howard said that he doesn't know enough about Grandpa, he was just a fan of his. That's why he's going back and forth about doing the eulogy.
Butch told Howard that he's been going around doing appearances and making some good money. He also aid that he's been doing some real estate development and making some really good money there. He also got in a plug for a thing he's doing with The Tahitian out in Las Vegas. He said that you can call 866-90-GO-WIN to find out more.
Howard found out that Butch lost his virginity at the age of 15 which was pretty young back then. He spent a couple more minutes talking with Butch and he was going to let him go but no one knew what he was talking about with the plug he gave. Butch said that you can get a free second honeymoon if you dial that number he gave out. Howard said that was pretty amazing. Butch said that there is no catch, you get a free 3 night stay there and that's it. Artie said that people gamble out there and that's what they're counting on. Gary asked if there was any seminar or anything like that. Butch said there is a 90 minute seminar... He said that they do have some celebrities like Tanya Roberts, Lorenzo Lammas, Bernie Koppell, Jamie Farr and Alan Thicke hosting the seminar.
Howard asked what will be involved in that 90 minute seminar. He said they talk about time shares but they're not like they used to be many years ago. Howard wondered if they would hassle him about it if he didn't buy anything. Gary said that it's always a hard sell even though Butch said it isn't a hard sell. He said the stuff sells itself so they don't have to do a hard sell.
Howard wondered what kind of room they put him up in. Butch said that they put you in a very nice room in one of a few hotels on the Strip like MGM Grand, the Tropicana, Excalibur, or New York, New York. Howard wondered why he didn't mention the catch when he asked about it. Butch said he probably should have said something but now it's out there.
Howard asked if the celebrities would refuse to sign autographs at the seminar. Butch said he would sign just about anything for anyone as long as it's not too outrageous. He doesn't turn people down. Butch said he would sign just about anything Musters related for Howard. Robin asked if he makes any money from the old TV shows. Butch said they don't make any money on the TV shows but they did pay him for the IGT slot machines. He said he can't disclose how much he makes on that deal.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he bought a time share in Virginia Beach on www.ebay.com for like $100 and wondered why someone would pay the $22,000 that Butch was talking about. Howard said they're $100 because there are race riots down in Virginia Beach.
Artie said that he wants to go to that seminar just to raise his hand and ask ''Wasn't that guy Klinger on MASH?'' while Jamie Farr is there. Howard took another call from a guy who told Howard to go ahead and do the speech at Grandpa's funeral. He said that it would be best not to call him ''the last of a dying breed'' like he did on his final day at K-Rock. Howard said he's really not good at doing serious speeches.
Butch told Howard some of the other names of the celebrities that go to this time share thing. Howard tried to figure out who was the most important person out of the list...
Butch said that there is also a TV show called The Second Honeymoon and all of those people were part of it. Howard went on to list the celebs in order of who has the most money. He figures that Alan Thicke is the most, Jamie Farr, David Faustino and Lorenzo Lammas come next.
Howard said that Butch is probably pretty broke but Butch said that he did okay after his IGT lawsuit. He said that he got well over six figures for that. He also told Howard that he will be getting married to a 43 year old woman who is helping him out with the book he's writing. He said he's 52 years old himself.
A woman called in and said that Butch did an appearance in her home town and ended up driving right through and out of town. Butch said he doesn't remember doing that but that's when he was drinking quite a bit. Howard thought that sounded like a funny scene for a movie. He said it would be pretty funny if he did that at the funeral as well. Howard told Butch he seems like a good dude and asked him to say hello to some of those celebrities he hangs out with.
Butch said that Lou Ferrigno is another guy he hangs out with. That led to Howard talking about how Lou is now a Deputy Sheriff and did his impression of what it would be like if that guy pulled you over. Butch got in another plug for the phone number he mentioned earlier as Howard was doing that impression.
Gary brought in a picture of Butch with a hot chick from the 2004 TVLand awards show. Butch said that was Ivanica Daver. He said that his current girlfriend is even hotter than her. Richard Christy came in and said that he paid Butch $20 to be in a low budget movie of his one time. He said that Butch agreed to say ''Teabag I'm Your Father'' for that $20. Richard then asked Butch which appearance was the most embarrassing he's ever done. Butch said that the worst thing was at a hospital for some ill children. He said it was just tough so Howard wanted to know what the worst really was. Butch said it was probably at a shopping mall where only about 2 people showed up. He said he also did a dunking tank thing one time.
Howard wondered what they could hire him to do on the show. He thought about hiring him to get a Brazilian bikini wax done live on the air like Richard had done. He let Butch off the hook a short time later. Butch got in another plug for that time share thing before getting off the phone.
Howard said that was an interesting interview. Butch has a lot of stuff going on in his life. He said that Lisa Loring was on their show a few years ago and she held up really well. Artie said he wants to know how Pugsly held up. They never hear about how that kid did. That led to the guys talking about some of the other stars from The Addams Family like Uncle Fester and Lurch. They spent a little while talking about that stuff and found out that Pugsly is still alive. He wanted to see a picture of the guy as he looks today.
Howard came up with a new idea for the show. He wants to bring in Butch with his girlfriend and a couple of other women and they have to guess which woman he's getting. They'll call it ''What kind of Pussy is Butch Patrick Getting?''
Gary brought in the picture of the guy who played Pugsly and he looks like a biker dude now. Gary wondered if Howard will appear at Howard Stern conventions after he retires. He said he probably wouldn't unless they paid him some ridiculous amount of money. He went to break right after that.
Howard had Jon Hein there in the studio so he let him fill him in on the Twilight Zone episode. Jon said it was ''To Serve Man'' and it wasn't Ted Cassidy, it was Richard Keil who played the part of the alien. Howard asked Jon if he still has the JumpTheShark.com thing going on. Jon said he does do that at night and spends about an hour to an hour and a half updating it. Gary was in too and said that he pulled some stuff from years ago where Jackie was laughing and goofing around with them.
Howard said that he really wants to have Billy West do a show on Howard 100 as the Jackie Puppet. He said Billy sent them a message before they left the old station and he was great. He played the audio clip of Billy's message where he did his impression of Jackie that was just amazing. He had all of Jackie's laughs down perfect and the impression was awesome. The laughs were perfect and the impression of his voice cracking was spot on.
Howard said the laugh was right there. Gary said that Billy also did one message as Marge Schott that was pretty racist. He also did one as his black character that he used to do on the show. It was another great one where he was coming on to Robin as an inmate in a prison. Howard said he loves the Jackie Puppet impression and would love to have him do a whole show in that voice.
Howard talked about Billy's great impression of Marge Schott that he used to do on the show. Howard played some of the message that Billy recorded as that character and yelled out the N-word a bunch of times during that one. Howard said that the real Marge Schott used to yell out that kind of stuff for real. Howard was laughing his ass off as he listened to that message.
Jeff swears that when he was all wasted on the show he was only on Benadryl so someone had to have drugged him. Howard bailed out on that when Gary brought in some information about Marge Schott. He read some of that to Howard and then Howard moved on to some other stuff.
Howard also had a couple of song parodies that Dan the Song Parody Man must have put together using those clips from Richard's waxing. Howard played some porn clips from Blue Iris and wondered what she's up to. Artie said the funniest thing happened the last time she was on the show on regular radio. He said she came up to them after the show and asked if they knew of any good museums. He said it was the funniest thing to have her asking about museums.
Howard played a clip of Dice flipping out on CNN one night. The reporter was talking to Dice about his career and Dice got pissed off and cursed a couple of times using the F-word. Howard had to go to break after playing that.
Lisa asked Howard if she's voting for her on ''Dancing with the Stars.'' That led to Howard talking about how they ruined that show this season by having Stacy Keibler on. She has a professional dance background so it's not fair for the other people on the show. He said that Lisa can't win even though she's doing a great job on there. He said that as a man he thinks that she's doing great and he would lick her ass because she's so hot. He asked her if she would ever do a three way. He also said that he wants to pleasure himself on her face. He was reciting most of Pat O'Brien's voice mail messages that he's been playing for almost a year now and she had no idea.
Howard told Lisa that she really does deserve to win. He said that there are still people like Jerry Rice, Stacy Keibler and Nick Lachey's brother in the competition. Howard asked Lisa if her lips are enhanced. She paused and then asked what he thinks of them. He said he thinks she went a little too far with them but didn't repeat some of the things that he had said about them a couple of weeks ago.
Howard asked Lisa about her husband Harry Hamlin who had Nicolette Sherridan when she was in her prime. Lisa said that he also had Ursula Andress years ago and he thinks that she was the best of the two. Howard asked Lisa what cup size she is. She said she's had two kids but she has a C-cup so Howard said he'd love to just put his mouth on those things.
Lisa told Howard that Beth is very pretty and he's very lucky. Howard told her that he wants her to be with both of them and how he would like to have both of them in bed and lick both of them. He asked her if she's fully shaved or not. She said she's not. He also said that he didn't like it when she posed for a picture on the cover of a magazine when she was pregnant.
Lisa told Howard about how she manages to turn on her husband these days. She took some pole dancing classes and does that kind of stuff for him. She said that her husband is very happy with that stuff. Howard got back to the ''Dancing with the Stars'' thing. He said that she won't win because a lot of women don't like her. She also shushed her partner on one show and women are going to see that and hate it. He said that she comes on too strong and women are put off by that.
Howard said that Lisa has a clothing line and she sent some stuff to Beth that she really liked. Lisa said that you can find out more about that at Bellegray.com. Howard talked to her about that and what she wears for her husband. She was telling him about that stuff and turning him on even more than he already was. Howard asked her if she takes it in the back door. She said she'll do just about anything for her husband.
Howard finally revealed that he was reading from his Pat O'Brien transcript with the lines that he was saying to her. He had Fred play the audio clips of Pat's messages so she could hear what he was talking about. Howard said that's not really him but he's not quite as creepy as Pat O'Brien. He said that he would like to do that stuff to her but he would never say that to her.
Howard took some phone calls for Lisa and let a few people talk to her. One guy said that her partner on Dancing with the Stars looks very much like her husband Harry Hamlin. One guy asked Lisa if she ever has Harry dress up in his Clash of the Titans outfit to liven things up while they're having sex. She laughed and said that's actually a good idea.
Robin wondered where Lisa and Harry are getting their money these days. Lisa said they have two stores plug she's working. Howard heard that her store grossed $5 million last year so she's doing well with that. Lisa said that Harry was working for a while but he needed a break. Sal the Stockbroker came in and asked her if she thinks that she's good at oral with those big lips of hers. Howard had to kick Sal out when he asked if her husband ever glazes those lips. He also claimed to be a big fan of hers but didn't know her last name.
A woman called in and claimed that she tried to vote for Lisa last week and she wasn't able to get through on her line. She said that on 3 different phones she was told that all of the lines had reached their voting limits and she hadn't even voted yet. Lisa said she heard the same thing from a few people.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she is kind of annoyed by Lisa when she sees her crying during practice for the show. She was upset that she has had all of this work done on herself and she can't afford to do the same thing. Howard asked her what was wrong with her and told her to get off of his phone. Lisa said that when she was crying she was doing that because she was exhausted.
Ralph called in and said that it's amazing how well Lisa has held up over the years. He said he doesn't even mind the fucked up lips. He said he doesn't like her hair style. Howard said he doesn't have a problem with that. Howard doesn't have the chance to actually vote for her because he watches the show on his TiVo. Lisa said that if he votes for her and she wins, she will come into the city and lap dance for him. He seemed to like that idea and said that he would wear paper thin pants when she's lap dancing him. He said that he wants her to make him finish in his pants.
Lisa said she's not sure what she'll wear for him but it'll probably be something like she wears in the class she takes. Ralph suggested that she come in and ride the Sybian. She said she has to win first so Howard better help her get those votes. Howard wanted to have some phone sex with Lisa but Ralph was getting in on it so it was kind of gay.
Howard took another call and the woman said that she finds Lisa to be a little cocky on Dancing with the Stars. She said she would probably be intimidated if she hung out with her too. One guy said that her lips are too big and he would like to have the ability to adjust them up and down for when she gives oral. Lisa said she thinks things are all good right now and her husband likes her just the way she is. Lisa wanted Howard to take a call from a woman that actually likes her. Howard couldn't find one on the phone so he pretended to be a caller instead.
Howard said that one caller was saying that one reason women may not like Lisa is because the character she played on ''Melrose Place'' was kind of a bitch. A woman did call in and said that she likes Lisa. She said that she finds Lisa to be over tanned but she will vote for her anyway. Lisa agreed and said that she was just following other dancer's lead on that.
Howard figures that Harry's 25 year old son must come over and drool over Lisa. She said that's not the case. She said that he probably brought his friends over to the house when he was younger but she's pretty low key. Jessica Hahn called in and said that Lisa is very beautiful and she should enjoy it. She said that she's perfect the way she is and she shouldn't listen to the callers. Jessica said she'll be voting for Lisa on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that the show airs on Thursday nights on ABC. He wants his fans to vote for her so he can get her in there to give him that lap dance. He asked her to mention his name on the live show. She said she will.
Howard asked Lisa to go into her bedroom and ''mount Harry'' while they listened in. She said that won't happen. He let her go a short time later. He was still reading some of Pat O'Brien's transcripts as he was wrapping up with her. He said she probably won't win on that show but it would be nice if he could get that lap dance from her. He said it would be nice if they could get her to lap dance 10 listeners too.
Howard thought it was funny that Lisa thought he was really into her as much as it sounded when he was reading the Pat O'Brien transcripts. He had to take a break after that and forgot that Joey Boots was there to do his revelation. Gary told Howard he couldn't believe how much Lisa was eating up that Pat O'Brien stuff. They went to break a short time later.
George Flowers was in to give them a Howard 100 News preview. George said they'll be following up on the ''Miserable Men'' show that aired last night. Penny Crone has a couple of reports about the people on the show. Howard and the guys ended up talking about Dick Cheney shooting his friend in the face while out hunting. It's now gotten worse because the guy he shot had a heart attack because of a piece of shot that ended up blocking blood flow to his heart. Of course they're not blaming Vice President Cheney for the shooting, they're blaming the 78 year old guy for walking in the wrong place.
George wrapped up with their news preview and then Jon Hein gave them an update on what they had coming up on The Wrap Up Show. He said they'll be talking about Butch Patrick and his phone calls. Howard said that Jon has a great show coming up for The Friday Show and everyone should tune in to hear that. Howard said there's a lot of stuff that he never gets to that they will play on that show.
Jon said that they're going to ask the callers if they think that the Jackie Puppet deserves his own show. Howard said he already knows that he does deserve his own show, they don't have to ask the fans. Steve the Intern was in to give a preview of what they had coming up on The Intern Show tonight. He quickly went over some of the stuff they'll be covering tonight at 7pm on The Intern Show.
Robin doesn't seem to like the way they pick on her on The Intern Show. Gary said that the problem is that Robin doesn't seem to know the names of her interns but she said she does know them. Robin also pointed out that they will never pick on Howard because of who he is but even he doesn't know the intern names.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she loves when Robin goes off on people. She said that when Robin got into the fight with Benjy when Penny Crone asked her what her pet peeves were with him, it was awesome.
Howard said that Joey was on ''Meet the Shrink'' two nights ago and really opened up to the shrink. Joey said that it felt good to open up and cry a little bit on the show. Howard said that they have Joey in today because he's going into rehab. They'll do the rest of them next week.
Sal came in and read off the revelations that the Wack Packers gave them. They had to guess which one was Joey's. Here they are...
Howard had Fred playa drum roll as they were getting ready to hear Joey's revelation. Joey wasn't sure he wanted to do reveal it. He said that he was anally raped. Benjy was right! He said he knew that it had to be that story because of the way Joey was acting.
Joey said that he was 15 at the time and he was doing drugs back then. He had run away from home at that age so he was out on the street hustling and selling drugs. Howard said that he should write a book about all of this stuff because he's a good writer. Joey went on to say that he was trying to score drugs at the time. He was behind some bus terminal and was doing any drug he could get his hands on. He also had a massive burglary ring going on out on Long Island back then.
Joey said that it was so long ago that he didn't remember all of the details. It was way back in 1982. He said he was talking to some guy at the Port Authority and the guy said he had some weed and coke if he wanted it. The guy was about 30 years old and looked kind of like Jon Hein but smaller. Howard said that's not hot. Artie said that's kind of funny because this is when Joey's life ''Jumped the Shark.''
Joey said he got back to the guy's apartment and the guy must have given him some kind of ruffies or something because his head was spinning after just a short time. He didn't feel right and the guy had some power. The guy reached out with three fingers and grabbed him by the neck. He squeezed it and pulled out a knife. The guy said he knew he was going to rip him off and held the knife to him. He said he was then thrown down on his bed and his pants were pulled down. He thinks the guy made him pull them down. He thought it was the end of his life at that point.
Joey said he then got raped by the guy. Joey's voice was quivering as he was telling the story and it sounded like he was about to cry. He said he doesn't remember all of the details but he thought he was going to die. The guy kept calling him names and said that he would kill him like he had done to others. Joey said that the guy admitted that he had done this to other kids and he would do it again. Joey said that the guy raped him once and let him go because he liked him.
Joey said he thinks the guy let him go because he just let the guy do what he wanted. He said he's never told anyone this story before in his life. Even his family doesn't know what happened. He said he tried to forget about the whole experience.
Joey said that he also had the burglary thing going on back then and got caught and served time for that. He said that was some dumb stuff he did when he was a kid and he would never do anything like that again. He said he's never been with another man since that rape. He told Howard that he got arrested for the burglaries and kept doing them even after getting out of jail. He used to wait around the bus terminal and let guys try and pick him up. He would go along with them into the stair well or alley and then he'd put a knife to their throats to rob them. He said he was getting revenge on the guys who were trying to get something off the little kids. Howard said that Joey is kind of like Batman in that way.
Joey said that he did that to about 10 or 12 of those guys but that's the kind of life he had back then. He didn't give their money to charity, he gave it to drug dealers instead. Joey said that a couple of years after that he was in prison and he saw the guy who raped him. He was actually working there at the prison, not as a guard, but in another fashion. He said that the guy was a drug and alcohol counselor. He said that the guy would tell stories about doing young girls but he was full of crap according to Joey. Howard thinks that Joey should turn the guy in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had a similar thing happen to him as a kid. He just got out of rehab as well. Howard said that it's good that Joey is going into rehab. Joey said that it really doesn't bother him like it did back then. Robin thinks that it comes out in other ways even if he thinks it doesn't bother him.
Captain Janks called in and said that he would like to take Joey out to dinner when he gets out of rehab so they can go get smashed. He was kidding and told Joey that he would like him to give him a call if he ever needs anything.
Joey said that when he was robbing people they were calling him the ''Stuff your Pockets burglar'' because he would break into homes and just fill his pockets with whatever he could take. Howard told him he's a brave man for telling that story. He also told him not to listen to all of those people who might say stuff to him after hearing it. Joey said that he's going to be in rehab for 30 days and he won't be able to listen to the show for 30 days. He's not sure if he'll have any internet access. Artie is pretty sure they won't allow any outside contact for a while.
Joey talked about how he used to date comedienne Lisa Lampanelli back years ago. He said that she may have been a little over weight back then but she made him laugh. He said he used to fuck her and then put his dick in her mouth and she'd let him smack her across the face with his dick too. He said she was great. Artie said that he's actually mentioned in her act. Now she won't date white guys, only black guys. Howard said that revelation was even more startling than the ass rape thing. Joey is the last stop before white chicks start dating black guys. Artie said he should have a t-shirt that reads ''Last Stop before Harlem.''
Howard sang a little bit to Joey as he was wrapping up with him. He also took a call from a guy who told Joey not to worry about what other people think about this. He sounded like he was a little wasted himself. Ralph called in and told Joey that he should sit down and write down all of this stuff to make some money. He could start his own blog or something like that.
Joey said that he never told Howard this either. When he was in prison he got punched in the face and got a black eye. He went to see the doctor and they sent him to a shrink who wanted to watch him for 72 hours. The only mental hospital that could do that was Attica so he got sent over there for a few days. He was sitting in the lobby of the mental health ward and a guy sitting next to him was Mark David Chapman. He said he spoke to him for about 5 minutes. They chatted about Attica for a little while but they didn't talk about the John Lennon thing. Howard said that he would have started to hum some John Lennon songs. Joey said he seemed like a nice guy when he was talking to him.
Irish John called in and wished Joey luck in rehab. Joey told him to shut up and called him a loser and a piece of shit. He said he doesn't like him and the way he and his friends are affecting the show. He said that his friends drop his name and the guy bought his way onto the show. John said that he wants to talk to Joey after he goes through his 30 days. He said that maybe they can go quail hunting. Joey thinks that John is a gay fan and he bought his way into everything. Howard doesn't get where the hate comes from though. Joey said that he gets hooked up with tickets, he doesn't buy them. He said he's got connections. He wished Joey luck again but Joey called him a homo so John shot back at him and challenged him to a boxing match.
John said that Joey once walked up to him and said that he had stolen his best friend, High Pitch Eric. Joey said that he did lose Eric and he doesn't hang out with him that much anymore because his new friends buy him stuff. Angry Black called in and goofed on Joey about the rape story. Joey said that Angry Black is the whitest black guy he's ever heard. The two of them were yelling over each other for a couple of minutes. Joey said he's a ''fake black bitch.'' Howard had to break up the fight and asked Joey to stop for a minute. Angry said that no one cares about Joey's rape and he won't make it more than 10 days in rehab. They started arguing again and Joey said that hopes he dies.
Howard told Joey that he needs to find a passion that will make him want to get out of bed every morning. He told him he loves him and started to sing to him as Fred played some sad piano music. He went to break a short time later.
During the news a caller mentioned that Scott Stapp had been arrested for being drunk in public. Howard told the story about how that douche bag had treated his girlfriend like crap on the set of Casino Cinema which is a show that Beth co-hosts. He said that Beth didn't want him going off on the guy on the air so he's been holding back. The caller said that Stapp is a pussy and Howard should go off on him. Howard did play a song called ''I'm and Asshole'' and said that was Stapp's latest song.
Another caller told Howard that he thought that Joey Boots shouldn't have been on the show this morning. He said he actually went to the replay show and listened to that instead. That led to Howard reading a few e-mails. Some of them were about Joey's appearance on ''Meet the Shrink.'' Howard got a little sidetracked after talking about Richard's bikini wax from the other day. He said that he's got hairs growing out of the shaft of his penis that kind of freak him out. Richard Christy came in and said that he had to trim some of those type of hairs off his shaft even after all of that waxing he had done.
Howard read some mail about Valentina Vaughn's appearance on the show yesterday. A lot of people enjoyed that segment. One guy said that he didn't like Howard singing on the show yesterday and had to turn it off. There was some feedback about his fake Dr. Phil press conference that he did during the news.
There was some feedback about Jackie the Joke Man. One person said he sucks, another said that Jackie was the best and Artie sucks. Howard let Robin finish up her news after going through that stuff.
A guy called in during the news and asked what was going on with Howard's web site today. He wasn't able to get on easily. Howard said the guys updated the site and put it up before it was ready. He said they're working on it and it's really annoying that it's not working correctly right now.
A phone caller asked Howard when his On Demand shows are going to be available in Arkansas. Howard told him that it all depends on the cable company and the best thing to do is call his local cable company and ask them. He wrapped up the show at around 11:10am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he caught up on his American Idol watching last night. He didn't get to bed until about 10 but his TiVo helped him get it over with even quicker. He said that it's great to be able to fast forward through the commercials. He said he has been stopping when he sees Beth's two commercials running. He figures that's money in her pocket each time it runs. One of them is for the local lottery but there's another one that's a national commercial and it runs during American Idol.
Artie said that he figured they would only sell national commercials during that show but Howard said they do sell local stuff too. They talked about the way the networks are able to run like 2 minutes of local commercials so they can make some money. Howard was also saying that the local affiliates can get some decent money for those local commercials and they get it for free. Howard said he thinks Beth's commercial is a Mastercard commercial.
Artie said that he made $40,000 on a commercial he was in back in January of 1995 that ran for just 3 months. It only took him one day to shoot it too. Howard said that Beth is pretty lucky when it comes to getting those commercials. She says that she'd like to do more but she waits for her agent to give her the okay before doing even more.
Gary came in and said they give away free stuff back there and it's great. Howard figures that Mel (Karmazin) doesn't know about that free stuff yet. He figures he's going to take that away eventually. He was also saying that it was horrible back at K-Rock because they never fixed anything there. Things would break and they wouldn't bother fixing them because it cost money. Gary said everyone is so happy that they can get food there because they weren't allowed to even have a vending machine back at K-Rock.
Howard said that it was the worst working conditions back there at K-Rock and it's much nicer working there at SIRIUS. It's so nice that some people would rather stay there than go home. Artie said that he goes back and gets the Pop-Tarts (#160 in the vending machine), Wise potato chips, and stuff like that through out the morning.
Howard played ''Buttcrack Mountain'' in which he and Fred play cowboys Jack Off and Penus. The announcer, John Hunnerlach, said that he was getting blown by a young lady throughout the movie so people wouldn't think he was gay.
Howard said that they're all very proud of what they do for a living after hearing the finished movie. Artie said that was a cool movie experience for him. He got to finish up one of his Pop-Tarts during that 5 minutes.
Another guy said that he's been a listener out in San Diego for a long time. He drives a limo and installed satellite radio but he gets a lot of different reactions from people when he has Howard's show on. Howard was getting bored with his story and asked if he's banged any of his clients. The guy said that he once picked up a guy who may have been pleasuring himself in the back seat. Howard couldn't take the guy anymore and hung up on him in the middle of it. He said he tried to hang in there but the call was going nowhere.
A caller asked Howard what happened to his web site because it's tough to get on it this week. Howard said that he had complained about the old design and now he regrets it. They changed the site and they weren't ready to do that. He told Doug (Herwitt) to go back to the old design. He doesn't want them to switch the web site until they're completely ready to go. Howard said he can't be worried about why the site doesn't work, he just wants it to work. He said that Doug claims that it will be fixed by today.
Howard said that they do update the web site very often and it is complicated. They had it down to a science until a few days ago when they changed it. He just wanted it to look new and updated. Now he knows that if something is working he shouldn't touch it.
Doug called in to defend himself but Howard said he was making a mistake by calling in. Doug said that the site was up and running smoothly. The guys from In Demand put it up on his screen so he could see it. Part of the site was missing so Howard asked about that. Doug said that they had to strip it down to get the site to run correctly. He couldn't find the show rundown so Doug had to tell him where to find it. He said that it's like he just had his car fixed but they left the whole back of the car off. Howard said that the site looks horrible and there's no content. Doug said that they will have a great web site when they get it all fixed.
Howard went through the site and tried to find the show rundown but he wasn't able to find it. Howard and the caller he had on the line both wanted the old site back. He clicked on the tab that said 'Howard Stern Show' and couldn't find what he was looking for. He told Doug to just list 'Show Rundown' instead of listing every segment that they wrote up. Doug said that all of these things were discussions they hadn't had.
Howard thanked Doug for calling in and said that when Doug says something will be better, you can take his word for it. Howard was ready to shut the whole thing down because he gets so aggravated with it all. He said that he likes the way MTV's web site works and he'd like they to just copy that. Robin said that it looks like they're just trying to copy AOL's web site instead of MTV's. Howard said he really does want to be done with the whole thing already.
Doug wasn't there so Mike Gange came in and let him know what was going on. Howard ended up getting pissed when he heard noise coming through the microphone Gange was using. Howard said they put in a new mic and they must not have tested it. Howard said between that and the web site he's really upset.
Howard said he didn't want to talk to Doug about this film festival because he speaks so softly. He said that Doug Herwitt is just as bad speaking in a monotone and very softly. He gets irritated by both Dougs. Howard said that now he's got half a web site after all of the work they did.
Goodstein called in so Howard asked him what's going on with that. Doug said that they're going to have everything finalized and announced next Tuesday. Doug said there's a lot of legal stuff they have to go through... Howard cut him off and hung up on him. He goofed on his monotone, soft voice for a few seconds and then moved on.
Ronnie came in so Howard told him that he's got to get that fixed. Ronnie said he didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said he was hitting the up and down buttons and it was skipping over stations. He wants to be able to hear his channels and nothing else. He also told Ronnie that he's got to get the CD player fixed so he can listen and fast forward through stuff.
Ronnie said that he didn't put that stuff in, 'they' put it in for him. Ronnie didn't know about the CD player problem. Howard told Ronnie to get the satellite radio hooked up so he can hear just his two channels. Ronnie told him to just hit the radio like he usually does with things that don't work correctly. Ronnie said that he was able to get his channels on the radio yesterday but he had to go to the menu to bring them up. The radio they hooked him up with is just too complicated.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted him to quit bitching. The caller said that for the past 40 minutes he's just been complaining. Howard said he's got to get things fixed and that's what he has to do. The caller was from Pittsburgh so he brought up the Super Bowl win. Howard said that he's happy for the people in Pittsburgh because they really needed that win. The caller said that's the only thing they have to look forward too there in that city. They have nothing else.
Howard broke in and said that Gary was back in the bathroom puking. Gary said it was getting close and apologized for interrupting the show again. Gary said he didn't care that they were there because it's good for the show. Howard asked Gary if he wants to go home if he's feeling that bad. Gary said that he would love to but he's afraid that he'll puke in his car on the way home. Gary said he'll probably do that. He didn't want them recording his diarrhea sounds.
Howard told Gary to just go home because he looks really bad. He also pointed out that Gary has quite a belly on him these days. Gary said he's up to about 215 pounds or so. He figures that he's put on 10-12 pounds since they started there at SIRIUS. Howard said he's put on about 10 pounds himself. Howard suggested that Gary jog home. He figures that he'll start his diet today by puking.
Gary thinks that he has a stomach bug and maybe the kids brought that home with them. Sal came into the bathroom and tried to get Gary to sniff a salami he had. Gary said he'd puke right on Sal if he didn't get away from him. Howard told Sal to leave him alone. Gary said that Sal has been talking to him about going to a shrink to get over the fact that he doesn't get enough love from Howard. He also said that Sal watches his monitor during the breaks so he can try and read Howard's lips to see if he likes his bits.
Sal was still giving Gary a hard time by throwing gobs of toilet paper at him. He told him to stop it already and to clean it up. Gary actually ran after Sal down the hall because of that.
Howard said he knows that this was probably an accident but we now have a Vice President who has shot someone. He played more of the audio where Cheney gave more excuses about what happened. Howard doesn't even know why they're shooting these things because they're like pigeons, dirty little rat pigeons.
Howard heard that Harry was talking about how he can't believe they're making such a big deal out of this whole thing. Howard told the guys that he actually hurt himself when he went to a gun range one time. He said he didn't know all that much about guns and wanted to learn more. There were guys walking around with holsters out there like they're back in the old West. He said that they're all nuts and would ask him what he was shooting. They'd invite him over to check out their guns. They'd always have some wild guns with attachments on them.
Howard said that he did some target practice at a place where the back wall was metal. His face started to bleed after doing some shooting. It turns out he had some ricochet hit him in the face so he stopped going after that. Howard said he had a rifle one time that was so powerful that it would hurt his shoulder. He said it was kind of gay. He said he did shoot an Uzi one time and it was so easy to use it was ridiculous. It was like shooting a toy gun. Artie said that's probably why they're so popular with the kids.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dick Cheney's explanations just didn't make sense. He said that the buckshot that comes from the gun spreads out the farther away you are from the target. He said that the buckshot would have spread even further if Cheney was as far away as he said he was. Cheney said that he was about 30 feet away so he wasn't claiming to be that far away. The caller said that he kept doing the math about all of that and it came out the same every time. Howard asked the guy what 14x4 was and he said 84. Howard said that maybe his math is a bit off because that's not the right answer.
Howard played a little more audio of Cheney explaining what happened. He was taking the blame for what happened and said it wasn't Harry's fault. Howard wondered if anyone will hunt with Cheney ever again after this.
Howard mentioned that they have G. Gordon Liddy coming in today. He spent a couple of minutes talking about how crazy Liddy is. He talked about the calendar he puts out every year with pictures of women holding guns. He said that Liddy has the worst taste in women too because the chicks in there are the skankiest looking chicks who are far from being hot. They spent a couple of minutes talking about Liddy before Howard had to take another commercial break.
Howard said that he's invited Bill on his show a few times and he won't do it so he probably won't do Bill's. Howard thought about it for a minute and then said ''no'' to their request to appear on the show. Artie was doing his Bill Maher impression since he did Bill's show ''Politically Incorrect'' and got snubbed by the guy. He said that he was like the most famous guy on the show at the time other than Mimi Rogers. He said that he felt ambushed by Maher that night. Artie said he was told to go at Bill a little bit because he was the funny guy on the show.
Artie said that he was joking around when he said something about the NY Times being a rag and Bill said ''Thank you for the dumb opinion...'' and went to break. Artie was just joking around and Maher took it as being real.
Lisa said that they're going to be doing a story on Kathy Griffin auctioning off a weekend with her and how there's one guy bidding $27,000 for that weekend. Lisa mentioned a few other things that they'll be covering at Noon and at 6 tonight on Howard 100 News.
Howard asked Jim what it's been like for him growing up as G. Gordon's son. He figures it must be tough. Jim was a Navy Seal for 20 years. Howard got back to Gordon a short time later and talked to him about his history. He had to have the guys change out his headset though because it was annoying him so much. They got a better set and got back to the interview.
Howard said that back when he was in the service they talked about killing a reporter who was writing some nasty stuff about the administration. Howard figured that if they were conspiring to kill someone, it would put someone in jail. Liddy said that if you don't actually advance the discussions, it's not a crime. You have to put some effort into it before it becomes a crime. They talked about giving him LSD but that was shot down. Then there were discussions about playing ''Aspirin roulette'' where they'd change his aspirin with cyanide. It could be years later that he's taken out. That idea was also shot down because it could kill a family member.
Liddy told Howard that the real bad ass in his family is his son Jim who was sitting to his left. Jim said that he's not allowed to talk about the stuff he's done in the service. Howard tried to find out if he ever killed a man but he said he can't talk about that or anything else he did while in the service.
Howard and Liddy talked about Dick Cheney's hunting accident for a short time. Liddy doesn't think much about the rumors that Cheney was out hunting with a girlfriend. Liddy said he doesn't think much about it because if Cheney had sex with a strange woman, he'd probably have a heart attack and die.
Howard asked Liddy how his radio show is going. He said it's going very well and he's working right there at SIRIUS with them now. He's not sure what channel he's on though. Howard found that it's on channel 144, the Patriot Channel. Liddy likes that his fans can follow him around the country now that he's on satellite radio.
Howard brought up Liddy's calendar that he was talking about earlier in the show. He told Liddy that the girls in the calendar are not attractive and Jim agreed. Liddy said that he thinks they are good looking and he helps pick the girls out himself. Howard said that the girls all have bellies and sloppy boobs though. Liddy said that some people buy the calendar just for the guns.
Howard asked Liddy what gun is his favorite. Liddy said that he likes a revolver because it has no safety on it and he likes a .44 special cartridge. He explained why he likes that set up. That got Howard back to the discussion they had about conspiring to kill that reporter. Liddy said they knew the route he took to work and they were going to try and take him out in a traffic circle. Howard said he feels bad for Nixon because he didn't know that Liddy and those guys were planning this crap.
Howard said he thinks that Bush must have nuts like Liddy working for him. He asked Liddy why the government can't just get someone like him to go into Iraq and take care of people like Hussein. Liddy and his son were both saying that they can't discuss stuff like that. Howard figures that Jim really had to impress his father and that's why he became the Navy Seal. Jim said that he actually thought he wasn't going to be able to get into college so he chose another path. Artie said he could have done that or become an effeminate florist in Newport, Rhode Island.
Howard asked Jim what the most dangerous thing he ever did was. He said that he almost got taken out by a sniper one time. Howard asked Jim if he could take his father out. He thought that would make for a great TV show with the two of them going after each other.
Howard took a call from Sal who was reenacting a prank call they made to Liddy on his old radio show. They had Crackhead Bob saying some unintelligible things to Liddy. Liddy figured out it was a gag a short time later so Howard bailed on the call.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Liddy to explain his ball sack reduction. Liddy claims that his balls kept growing and growing as he got older and he had trouble walking. He had an operation to get that fixed and now he has a big, long scar on his sack. He said that they were so big that it looked like he was aroused in the pants even when he wasn't. It was kind of embarrassing so he tried to have them fixed.
Howard gave Liddy a plug for his book ''Fight Back : Tackling Terrorism, Liddy Style.'' He asked him what the book is all about. Liddy gave Howard a quick rundown of what he thinks they need to do in Iraq. They spent a few minutes talking about that stuff. Liddy asked his son Jim to give people some advice about what they need to do to protect themselves from terrorism. Jim started to talk about it but his microphone cut out.
Jim told Howard that people need to have a plan and need to know what an attack looks like. He said you may need to get out of the building or you may need to stay inside. He said that you really need to know which way the winds are blowing and what to do. Gordon said that the TV show ''24'' isn't very accurate because they had a nerve gas attack on the show and they were wearing gas masks to protect themselves. He said that if just a drop of that stuff just gets on your skin, you're dead.
Howard gave Liddy another plug for his book. Liddy said that his son is a co-author on the book as well. Howard asked Liddy what he should do if he's attacked. He gave Howard some advice on where to hit them and how to disable an attack.
Howard thought that Liddy was a fan of Hitler's when he was growing up but Liddy explained that they had a maid who was German when he was a kid and she used to get Nazi mail and stuff. He said that Hitler was a great speaker and that's what he thought, he wasn't a hero of his or anything like that.
Howard mentioned that Liddy will be signing books at The Book Review in Huntington, Long Island. Liddy's radio show airs at 10am on SIRIUS channel 143. Benjy asked Liddy if he ever proposed to kill anyone other than the one reporter that he talked about earlier. He asked why he would even propose something like that. Liddy said that they thought that he was a national threat at the time, that's why it came up. Benjy thinks it's horrific and disgusting that he would think of that stuff. Howard told Benjy to sit down and stop it. Robin said that Benjy had a point because there is freedom of the press in this country and the guy shouldn't be killed for what he was doing at the time.
A caller gave a big F-you to Liddy. Another caller said that she's a big fan of Liddy's. Another caller said he was in the same service that Jim was in. He and Jim talked about which divisions they were in and shared a little there. Howard asked Liddy what he thinks about gays in the military. Liddy said it's not good for discipline when you have a guy showering with other guys that he might be attracted to. Jim said that it can break a unit up but he's never heard of anyone being gay in the Navy Seals.
Jim told a story about how he beat the crap out of a guy who tried to rob him when he was 14 years old. He said that the guy stabbed him so he beat the crap out of him until he was gurgling on the sidewalk. He said he was afraid that he killed the guy so he didn't tell his mother what happened. He went back the next day to the scene and there was no chalk line so he figured he was okay. Howard wrapped up with the guys a short time after that.
Howard apologized for the Crackhead Bob prank call the guys in the back made to G. Gordon Liddy. He said he was trying to play along but he was laughing so hard that he kind of blew it. There was laughter coming over the phone though so it wasn't all his fault.
JD came in and told Howard he had some audio clips to him to play. One of the clips was Dionne Warwick explaining how she got caught with weed at an airport a few years ago. She claims that someone must have dropped it in her bag because she didn't put it there. Howard found that to be kind of funny. Who's going to drop a lipstick tube full of pot into her bag?
JD said that he had another audio clip for Howard to play but his explanation of what it was didn't make a lot of sense. Howard said this is what he has to deal with during the breaks. He never knows what the guy is talking about.
Howard asked JD what happened to his girlfriend that he was going to fly in for Valentine's day. JD said that they kind of broke off the boyfriend/girlfriend thing because they were living so far apart. Robin thinks that she just banged JD because of where he works. JD was also saying that it was kind of expensive to fly her in.
Howard played an audio clip of Bruce Willis defending the guy who Oprah went off on about lying about his book on her show. Willis was saying that Oprah had Bill Clinton on her show and didn't go after him about what he did. Toward the end of the clip the reporter said that Willis had back pedaled and said that Oprah does a great job and thinks that her book club is great. Howard doesn't know why he back pedaled like that because he was right when he was going off on her.
Howard took a call from someone playing a JD soundboard. They had clips of him talking dirty from the day he did his phone sex thing. Howard played along with that for a short time and pretended to be whacking off.
Lisa told Howard that the black guys are banging the thinner white chicks now. She said that she had gained about 30 pounds while she was with this one black guy and he dumped her. She said she doesn't do any crazy stuff like some women do. She said she does like to do the ''massa and slave'' game with black guys when she's having sex. She said she's not even interested in having the guy lick her, she's happy with them just going in and out and getting the hell out.
Lisa told Howard she was trying to hit on their black security guard there but he wasn't interested. She said that she will actually flirt with guys in the audience when she's doing her comedy shows. She hopes that the guys will ask her out after the show. Lisa said that she really likes the contrast of color and she thinks that it looks like a Benneton commercial.
Lisa said that her mother hates that she dates black guys because she's very Italian. She said she's very ''old school'' when it comes to that stuff. She said that her boyfriend dumped her a few months ago. She said that she found that he was cheating on her when she found the phone bill that had $400 in phone calls to this one bitch.
Lisa told Howard that she's into really dark black guys and ''King Kong'' was like a porn movie for her. She said that she was once told that she has ''some bomb ass pussy'' by one black guy but she knows that she doesn't. She was also saying that she's got cellulite and her ass looks like she just sat on a gravel driveway.
Lisa said she kind of misses the relationship she had because this was the first Valentine's day she's had without a man in a while. She said she would have settled for a punch in the face from the security guard earlier. She tried to get back on the horse by banging another guy the day after she dumped her boyfriend. The guy wouldn't leave her house though and she had to tell him to get the hell out. She's kind of like a dude in that way.
Howard asked Lisa what her age range is. She said she'll do guys from 22 to 60. She usually only wants it once from the guys she's with. Howard said that Lisa's career seems to be taking off now and she was even on the Pam Anderson roast. Lisa said that she's been selling out shows since then and she's kind of surprised by that. Howard said that Courtney Love seemed to be out of her mind that day. Lisa said he has no idea. She actually grabbed Lisa after her speech and kissed her on the lips. Lisa said she was high for five days after that. She also said that she tasted like crack and a cheap hooker.
Lisa told some stories about what went on behind the scenes there at Pam's roast. She said that Courtney Love asked the makeup guy to make her look like Marilyn Monroe so she told her that the guy didn't have enough make up to make her look like Marilyn looks today. She also went off on Andy Dick wondering why he's even famous. She said that Andy was asking her not to joke about him being gay so she wouldn't do that, she'd just say that he hasn't raised enough money to get his vagina operation.
Lisa told Howard some of the jokes that she told at Pam's roast and had him laughing pretty hard. She said that she also did the Chevy Chase roast and no one watched that. Lisa said that guy is a douche and no one likes him. Artie said that he was a nice guy when he worked with him. Lisa said that's because he's famous. Chevy doesn't like anyone that's not famous.
Lisa said that she and Artie did the Donald Trump roast and Artie was very drunk that day. She thinks that he has a problem. Trump laughed at every joke and played along with them unlike Chevy Chase. She told Howard some of the jokes she told at Trumps roast. Even Don King played along at his roast even though he appeared not to know what was going on that day.
Lisa told Howard that she likes the look of a penis but she really hates the nut sack. She said she hates it so much that she actually flicks it when she sees it. She said it looks like one of those turkey neck gobbler things. She likes to look at a guy from the waist up. She said that she's actually thinking about going lesbo eventually because she gets hotter chicks coming on to her than she does guys.
Howard mentioned that they have a roast show with Bob Levy now and she would be great on that. She said she knew that because Bob told her about it. Lisa also told Howard that Don Rickles gave her some advice one time and told her that she should work clean so she could work anywhere. She said that she didn't listen to that though because she wants to do what she does best.
Lisa told Howard about the way the roasts work and actually showed Howard the notes she had from Pam's roast. She read some of the jokes that she told about some of the people on the show. She said that she did have to cut some of the jokes out that she felt were a little too harsh. Lisa said that she loves the ''cunt'' word but some of the guys took that too far. She said that it looked like Pam was actually upset by some of the jokes that were being told about her pussy. She said she cut out many of the jokes that she thought might upset Pam even more. She told Howard some of the jokes and he thought she was right for pulling those jokes.
Lisa said that she stared out in the business late, at the age of 30, after being a writer for a while. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lisa is the reason uncensored radio is great. Howard said that he felt bad for Lisa when he had her on his old radio show because she wasn't able to speak the way she does normally. Lisa said she loves being on SIRIUS because she can be herself unlike when she's on regular radio.
Howard took another call from a guy who saw Lisa last weekend in Cincinnati and thought the show was great. Howard gave Lisa a couple of plugs for some upcoming gigs which you can find out more about at InsultComic.com.
Yucko the Clown called in and said he hates her now. He said that he got fucked over on the gig because he wasn't allowed to sell his CDs and DVDs. Lisa said that Yucko was kissing her ass before the show but he wasn't allowed to sell his stuff because it was her show. Yucko said that she calls herself the Queen of Mean but she's really the Prince of Whales. Yucko gave her a quick ''fuck you'' as he was getting off the phone. Lisa said that Yucko is really a sick fucker on stage and he makes her laugh.
Ralph said that Lisa was at the Don King roast where Jackie the Joke Man bombed. She said that she felt really bad for him that day. She said that Jackie didn't know when to stop and people were dead silent and just staring at him. Howard said Jackie used to blame him for not getting on the roasts because they hated Howard. Lisa said that's not the case and people love Howard over at the Friars club.
Sal came in and said he had written a few roast jokes for Lisa. He told a bunch of really funny jokes that went over pretty well with Lisa and Howard. Lisa said they were good because Sal loves her and it comes across like that when he's telling the jokes.
Lisa said that they used to kiss Stuttering John's ass over at the Friar's club. He joined for the 6 month free membership and then bolted. She also said that she ran into Stuttering John recently and told him that he made the wrong career move when he went on the Tonight Show. Howard thought it was good for him because he's making good money. Lisa said that John wants to become an actor so she asked him for her agent's information. Fred goofed on John a little bit doing his impression of him.
Howard asked Lisa about how tough it is to do comedy. She said that doing the comedy is actually the easiest part of the job. She said waking up in the morning to do radio shows is actually the hardest part. Howard wrapped up with Lisa and said that he'd like to have her on one of the roasts one day. She said she'd tell Bob (Levy) that and hopefully get on one.
After the movie replay Howard took a phone call from a guy who mentioned last night's Scott Ferrall show where a lot of Opie and Anthony fans were getting through and goofing on him. Howard said he apparently worked for those guys and now they're jealous that he's doing his own thing. He went on to read a story about XM signing Oprah to do a show over there but she's only going to be doing a half hour a week and when people sign on to hear her, they're not going to hear much. He wondered how the writer of the article could not look more into that.
Howard read another article about this guy Pierce Roberts who just quit the board of XM because of the direction he thought the company was heading in. Howard said that's a bad sign when a board member quits because of the way the company is heading. He said he expects his news department to do a full investigation on that.
Howard had Penny Crone come in to give them a Howard 100 News preview. George Flowers has a cold and didn't want to get anyone sick by coming in the studio. Penny gave a quick rundown of what they had coming up on the News at Noon. Richard Christy will be the next target on her Pet Peeve series. She also said that they'll have Marshall Fine reviewing ''Buttcrack Mountain'' and a Mr. Skin minute as well.
Jon Hein was in to give an update on what they had coming up on The Wrap Up Show after today's show. He said they'll be talking about Gary leaving the show early and how things run after that. Ralph will be in to help out with that discussion. Jon said they'll be talking about Howard's web site and what's going on with that mess. Jon said that he'd like to have Doug in to talk about that so Howard told him to go ahead and have him on because he doesn't need him in today's creative meeting. They'll also be previewing The Friday Show during the Wrap Up Show.
Sal came in and told Howard that they could potentially have more Oprah on SIRIUS than they do on XM just by playing a 4 minute clip from her show each day. Howard said that would be pretty easy to do.
Howard had Mike get on to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard really went off on Ted Harbert from E! since he was the one who got rid of his TV show which was the number one show on E!. He said that they can't even get over a 1 share with any of their programming right now. He called him a ''scumbag motherfucker'' and an asshole as he was talking about the guy.
Howard took a call during the news from a guy who said that he knows that Benjy pees and doesn't wash his hands. The guy was disguising his voice and said that he works there at the station and didn't want to reveal himself. The guys tried to figure out who he was but he wasn't giving himself up. The guy said he was going to ''Yellow List'' Benjy for not washing his hands. He also has a ''Brown List'' but didn't mention any names on that.
Howard took another call from a guy who suggested that they animate ''Buttcrack Mountain'' for the Howard Stern Film Festival. Howard said that's not a bad idea. Another caller asked Howard who the most repulsive person is that ever worked for the show. Howard said Benjy but then said that he really hasn't found anyone repulsive... except for Scott the Engineer. He and Robin discussed that for a short time and couldn't come up with anyone.
The caller also asked Artie how many hookers he's banged. Artie said that it's probably about 50 if you include doing anything. He said that includes getting blow jobs and stuff. The caller asked him if he ever sucked face with any of the hookers. He said he has and the guy seemed kind of grossed out by that. He said they were never the tunnel hookers off the street. He said he would never do that with them.
Howard asked the guys what the gayest song of all time was. Artie said that David Hasslehoff did a song called ''One and One Makes Three'' that was pretty gay. Richard Christy came in and told Howard that he downloaded a David Hasslehoff song called ''Night Rocker'' that wasn't all that gay but he might want to listen to it. Howard played it and said that it was pretty gay. Richard wondered why the Germans were into that guy's music so much. Artie said ''Well, they were into Hitler...'' JD came in and said he has a poster of David Hasslehoff in his office and it reads ''Don't Hassle the Hoff.''
Howard listened to a new Guns N Roses song during the news and thought that it sounded kind of good but they had Axl Roses voice pushed way back in the mix. Robin was also talking about Clubsoda Kenny who used to appear on the show with Dice Clay. Kenny was suspended from his job as a Detective and may be fired because of the comedy act he's been doing. Howard and Artie both said that Kenny is a really good dude and shouldn't be fired over a comedy act.
Richard Christy came back later and gave Howard some more gay David Hasslehoff songs. He did one with Laura Branigan that was really bad. Howard played a few seconds of that song before having Robin wrap up her news. They ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard took today off so we had another edition of The Friday Show with Jon Hein and Ralph Cirella. Gary is still suffering with diarrhea so he couldn't make it in. He may call in later on. Jon said that he had a ton of stuff to get to today. He's got lots of bits to play from as far back as the WNBC days and as recent as earlier this week. Richard Christy and Sal were there as well. Sal is handling the sound effects this morning and he was playing a bunch of them within the first couple of minutes.
Jon played an old clip from Howard's WNBC days when he did his Mama Lookaboobooday character. Mama called in from the traffic helicopter and gave Robin and update. Jackie the Joke Man was there laughing and giggling like a little kid as Howard was doing his thing. He was doing two characters, Mama and his wife who was in the 'copter with him. The two of them were fighting and screaming at each other up in the 'copter so Howard was really getting into it. Ralph said he loves hearing that stuff when Howard goes into all of those voices.
They spent a minute on that and then took some phone calls. One guy said he loves the Friday Show even though some people don't enjoy it. He told the guys that he thinks Sal went overboard yesterday when he was goofing on Gary when he was in the bathroom yesterday. Sal said that Gary is a good sport when it comes to that stuff. He also said that he thinks he's a ''spectacular person'' and puts up with that stuff pretty good but he won't be surprised if he ever snaps and punches him in the face.
Ralph asked Sal to give him a break sometimes because it was a little crazy to goof on him like that. Jon asked him if he ever thinks he's gone too far. Sal said he actually thought about dipping some toilet paper in the toilet and throw that at him. He doesn't think he crossed the line.
Jon took another phone call and the guy asked about The Match Game stuff that Howard used to do on radio. Jon said that they'll be playing that later in the morning and it's even better than the one they did in ''Private Parts.''
Jon said that when he first heard that he thought that people would think it was a set-up but it turns out it was for real. Richard and Sal were in the room at the time and were stunned when they heard that the guy actually recognized him. Howard wasn't sure if he soul continue as Fartman or come out of character. They all said that Howard was very excited after the call so he was telling everyone what had just happened. Jon said they sent that guy a SIRIUS sweatshirt since he's such a huge fan.
Jon took some more phone calls and let some people give them some feedback. One guy said that Sal gives Gary too much of a hard time and he's going to get his ass kicked some day.
Ralph said that he thinks there's one hot chick on the show who will win but he didn't know her name. Eric said that there are some very good looking women on the show but the one they were talking about can't sing in his opinion. Eric said that he tries to vote as many times as possible in that 2 hour window that they give for people to vote. He once voted 445 times for his favorite person in the show.
Ralph wondered why he would do that many votes. Eric didn't have an explanation for that. Jon asked him to give his pick for the winner of the current season of American Idol. Eric couldn't seemed to be favoring Kelly Pickler but he wouldn't commit to it at this point.
Jon and Ralph asked Eric what's going on with his radio show that's supposed to air next week. Eric started to describe what the show will be like so Jon interrupted him and asked him to do the show, not describe the show. Eric tried to spit it out but it wasn't happening. Ralph was laughing at him and told him he's got to be able to speak when he gets on.
Jon asked Eric to do an F, Marry Kill game with some American Idol contestants. Here are his picks...
Jon moved on to play the Tom Snyder interview that they've been talking about for quite a while now. The interview was from about 20 years ago (not quite, more like 15-16) and at the time Howard and Tom really disliked each other. Tom introduced Howard and then the two of them started to go at each other.
Howard just wanted to plug his CD ''Crucified by the FCC'' tapes on Snyder's show but he had a hard time even getting that done because NBC wouldn't allow him to mention the phone number. They bleeped the number out with a siren sound effect back then.
Tom Snyder confronted Howard about something he thought Howard had said about him on the air. Howard tried to defend himself but both of them were still going back and forth talking over each other.
Jon came back and said that was Howard at his best when he was arguing with Tom Snyder. Ralph was there live that day and talked about what he remembered about how the two of them were stuck with each other when Bob Costas took the day off. Ralph said that Tom had even mentioned him during the interview and he was annoyed that Howard's make-up person was there a half hour early asking for water for Howard.
A phone caller told the guys that the interview was boring and didn't even know who Tom Snyder was. Jon and Ralph told the guy about how that all came down and who Tom was. The guy didn't seem to care though. Another caller said that the call brings back memories. He said that Howard seemed to be forcing his thoughts more back then but now he's a bit more relaxed when he's conveying his thoughts. After that they had to take another commercial break.
Lisa said they'll be talking about some other stuff on Howard 100 News like getting penile implants. She said they'll talk about Howard's SIRIUS radio that he was complaining about yesterday. They're going to talk to Richie who does the installations for the stars.
Jon took a call from a guy who wanted to talk to Lisa. He asked her what kind of panties she was wearing. She said that she doesn't talk about that stuff on the show. She said she didn't even know what color they were because she dresses in the dark. The guys told her to come back at 8 o'clock with an update.
The caller told Sal and Richard that they were doing great with the sound effects and stuff. Both he and Richard were working the sound effects, music and all of that stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves Sal's prank calls. Sal corrected him and said that it's also Richard so he has to give him credit as well. The caller also wondered how Howard became friends with Ralph because he's just a glorified hair dresser. That led to Ralph telling the story about how he got on the show to do make up and costumes for Howard. He said he was never a hair dresser.
Sal and Richard played a couple of the Blue Iris prank calls that they made to C-Span right before going to commercial break.
Jon took a phone call from a guy who said he enjoys this Friday Show and then asked Richard how his balls are feeling after his bikini wax. Richard said his balls were sticking to his leg yesterday when he was jogging but he feels fine. He said he likes to feel himself up now and looks at himself in the mirror admiring the way he looks with no hair down there.
Jon said that they'll be playing a replay of Richard's bikini wax later in the show. Ralph asked him if he would do it again to get the hair off of there. Richard said he thinks it was worth it and would probably do it again. Another phone caller said that waxing is like braiding your hair... it hurts like hell but it's worth it when it's done. Jon asked the guy what he thought of the Tom Snyder interview. The caller wondered why Tom was so angry at Howard for making good radio. Jon said that anger was for real too and it wasn't clear why he was so angry.
Jon took a call from a guy who wanted to hear the ''Scott from the Block'' song parody. Jon said they'd play that going to the next break.
After playing that clip Jon had the guys play some behind the scenes audio from the creative meeting where they talked about the film festival. In the clip we hear Doug talking about what the festival would be and how they could have categories. Howard said that the movies would be based on the show somehow and the fans would be making them. It sounded like they had everything settled and Howard wanted to go on the air with the information. Then Doug came in one day and said that they didn't have things settled.
Jon and Ralph talked about what a bore Doug was in the meeting and how he really didn't have details about the whole festival idea. Jon said that Doug and Howard will probably have a talk about that stuff next week where they'll get things all settled so everyone is up to speed. Jon went to break right after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he heard that Gilbert Gottfried was on Penn Jillette's show recently on Howard's old station. The caller wondered if Gilbert was coming in at all. The caller thought that Gilbert owed Howard a visit but Ralph said Howard lets people do whatever they want to. Jon found out that Gilbert is scheduled to appear on Howard's show on March 1st.
Jon mentioned that Andrew Dice Clay will be coming back to the show after not being on for quite some time. Ralph said he's really looking forward to him coming back because he was so great on the show when he was on. The guys were talking about those days and how they're all looking forward to Dice coming back.
Jon had some audio from Howard's old WWOR TV show where Gilbert Gottfried played ''Gilbert Dice Clay'' and did his impression of Dice. They also included the ''David Dinkins School of Speech'' segment during that show so we got to hear that too. We heard Ted the Janitor and Billy West in that segment. After that Howard brought out Gay Jaffe as Gilbert was doing his Dice impression. We also heard Howard doing a Brother P-Touch commercial during the show since that was a major part of the WWOR show back when they were doing it.
After the bit Ralph talked about how bad Gay Jaffe bombed on that show and how relentless Gilbert was. Jon said he and Richard were cracking up every time Gilbert would tell one of his jokes and then do his Dice 'OOOhhh' impression. Ralph also talked about the David Dinkins speech thing and how much fun they had creating that. He also liked hearing the old P-Touch ad. He remembered the old Snapple commercials too when they would have hot chicks standing around holding the bottles of Snapple and jumping on trampolines and stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who requested anything from Yucko the Clown. He also said that he was one of the last callers to the show when Jackie the Joke Man was on and he'd like to get a tape of that. Jon didn't know what they did with stuff like that so he put him on hold to talk to Will or Jason.
A caller asked the guys what Howard is doing taking Fridays off when he's getting paid $500 million. Ralph said it's not going to be every Friday. He also said that Howard told people that he was going to have Fridays off so he's not scamming anyone. The caller said that he's paying $12.95 a month and expects to hear Howard five days a week. Ralph explained to the guy that they're getting a lot more show for that money. Jon tried to give the same explanation and the caller was saying that he likes hearing the clips they're playing but he still wants to hear Howard on the air on Fridays. Jon let him go and went to another break a short time later.
Jon broke in and said that he had an update on the hate mail arrest in the Chaunce Hayden case. A woman was apparently arrested and they're investigating 3 other people. They quickly went over that and let Lisa go.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was pissed off because of the people complaining about Howard taking a Friday off. He said that the guy's complaint that he has to pay $12.95 a month is ridiculous. He said that what we're getting now is so much better than when he was getting edited on the old station. Another caller said that Lisa G should lighten up a bit and just talk about what color panties she's wearing.
After playing the segment Jon took a phone call from a guy who said that he loves hearing that segment and it gets funnier each time. Ralph said that he couldn't get the visual when he was listening that day and that kind of pissed him off. He said he would have loved to have seen it.
Will Murray came in and talked about what he saw that day because he was one of the guys holding Richard's legs back as Nora was ripping the hair out. Another phone caller told the guys that there's a scene in ''Total Recall'' where a guy is dying and he sounds just like Richard was. That caller also said that the Friday Show is great and the people who are bitching should just shut up already.
Jon asked Richard if the pain was constant while the waxing was going on. Richard said the pain would be pretty intense right after it was pulled but it went away pretty quickly. Richard says he's glad he had it done. Ralph said he doesn't even like to have his balls played with so he can't imagine having the hair yanked out of it. Jon had to go to break after that quick discussion.
Jon moved on to the next classic bit they wanted to play. It was 'Match Game 1983.' In the WNBC clip Howard introduced the 'guests' they had on for Match Game. He had a bunch of guys pretending to be the guests they used to have on the real Match Game. They had Walter Brennen (?), Gary Bergoff (Jackie Martling), Connie Francis (Al Rosenberg?), Richard Dawson (Fred) and Brett Summers (Robin). He then got a contestant on the phone to play along with them. The first match was ''Spaghetti and Meat... blank.'' The woman on the phone guessed ''balls.'' The players then revealed their guesses and joked about the whole ''balls'' thing. Howard had to go into a song after playing that round. Jon came back and said that it was amazing that Howard had to go into a song in the middle of that bit. His voice was quite different back then as well. Jackie was cracking up at himself the whole time so he was taking over the whole studio trying to get attention.
John took a call from a guy who asked if they're going to have Insane Clown Posse back on the show. Richard said he thinks they're actually coming back on Tuesday of next week. Another caller told the guys that this show is actually very interesting because we get an insight into what goes on behind the scenes. Ralph said it is pretty cool to go behind the scenes like that.
Jon took another phone call from a fan of Richard's drumming with the band Iced Earth. That led to Richard playing some of his speed metal drumming with the band. Jon also told a story about how Mike Piazza was up at the studio recently and actually recognized Richard Christy from Iced Earth because he was such a big fan of his. Richard said that was kind of weird for him too because he was asking him questions about playing double bass and stuff like that. Richard said that is pretty cool but it doesn't help to get him laid.
A caller asked who played Walter Brennen in that Match Game thing. John said he was told who it was but couldn't remember the name. The caller also told the guys that the show is sounding good but they need to cut out some of the dialog and stick to the bits.
Jon spent a couple of minutes talking about Jackie's bad impression in Match Game 1983. They also played some audio of Howard talking about Jackie earlier this week. Howard played some of Jackie's new song where he sings about smoking pot and having his dick out. They had to go to break after that.
Lisa said that SIRIUS is reporting that they had record numbers for subscribers last year and they are predicting 6 million by the end of this year. Lisa gave a few other news stories and mentioned that The Sopranos will be returning next month. Jon said that they wait way too long between seasons but it's always worth the wait. Lisa said that Jenny McCarthy has released a statement through her publicist saying that she never did anything that Jenna Jameson claimed she did on Howard's show recently.
Lisa mentioned some of the stuff they had coming up on Howard 100 News at Noon and then got out of the studio to the song ''I'd Like to Fuck the Shit Out of You'' that Sal was playing. He told her earlier that he was going to play that song every time she comes in until she reveals what color underpants she's wearing.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Jon is a little boring. He said he's doing a good job on the show and he can keep the show moving but he's really a boring guy. He also asked Jon what he's actually there for. Jon said that he's there to keep the show moving along and he does his best to give his perspective on the show. He said he's there to assist like a Point Guard would do in a basketball game. The caller said that he'd rather hear Gary hosting the show over Jon.
Jon moved on to 'Caller of the Week' which is a new feature they have on The Friday Show. This week they had a guy by the name of Charles who called in last week and explained how he got ripped off by some woman by the name of Wendy the Witch. He said that he paid a woman to try and help get his girlfriend back but her magic didn't work so he felt ripped off.
Jon and Ralph spent a minute talking about how great that call was because they had Gary the Retard on the phone telling the guy that he was retarded. They went to another break after that.
Jon listened to it and told the two of them were sick fucks. Ralph said the idea was good but it was produced poorly. They tried to get the bit played 3 times but Howard rejected it each time. Jon took some calls about the bit and one guy said it kind of bombed in his opinion. The guy also thought that the Buttcrack Mountain bit yesterday was horrible. Ralph said he wasn't a big fan either and it missed the mark for him as well. Richard thought it could have been shorter but Sal said that it's great that Howard is going back to do stuff like that.
The phone caller also had a joke for the guys. He asked ''What's black and blue and doesn't like to fuck?... The 12 year old in Ralph's trunk.'' Ralph actually thought that was kind of funny.
Jon took some more calls and let people give their opinions on the bit. Some people liked it but others thought that Howard was right for rejecting it. Sal said they had another one where they had Fred the Elephant Boy call a cat adoption place as a guy from a Chinese food restaurant. He told the woman that they were looking for cats to buy as long as they were fat with plenty of meat on them. They played some cat meowing sounds in the background as if they were cooking them up. The woman on the phone wanted to make sure they weren't going to eat them. She told him that he'd have to pass a screening test and ended up hanging up on them.
Ralph said that the call was okay but they do some really great calls that are better than that one. Ralph said that you almost don't need Elephant Boy for that call and they took a little too long to get to the joke. Jon took another call and asked the guy what he thought. The guy said that he wants Ralph off the show because he's so bad. Ralph told him that the only vote that counts is Howard's.
One caller said that he liked the call that they had just played. He also said that the show is getting better and better every day. Another caller thought the call sucked and it deserved to be rejected. He liked the bit before that though. Jon took another call and that guy thought the whole premise was great and the call was hilarious. Another caller said that he didn't think the call was all that great and that Sal and Richard do some great calls.
Jon said the thing that people don't see is Sal and Richard high fiving each other while they listen to their call. They had to take another break so they went out playing the Karloff prank call that they've played on the show quite a bit.
A guy called in and told a story about Buck Angel riding that Sybian. He said that after hearing it he remained silent the rest of the day because he was so shocked by it. Another guy said he started dry heaving when he heard that Buck had made a puddle under the Sybian that day. The caller said he kind of liked that call that Sal and Richard made to the Chinese restaurant. He said he's been to a lot of them because he does deliveries and they're the dirtiest people he's ever met.
A phone caller said that Lisa Rinna did try to mention Howard's name on ''Dancing with the Stars'' last night but she didn't say it out loud. She just mouthed his name. Another caller said that he thinks that Gary is scamming these guys and just wanted a 3 day weekend, that's why he's out sick today. Jon said he saw Gary yesterday and he looked really sick.
In another clip they had Fred playing some sounds reenacting the planes flying into the World Trade Center with a prop plane and a glass breaking sound. Robin just keeps rolling along as the sounds are being played. Ralph introduced another clip where Robin was reading a story about a kid that was killed. Fred played some car peeling out sounds and body falling sounds.
In the final clip Robin was reading a news story about a ferry that sank and Fred played bubbling sounds and snoring sounds as she was talking about the people sleeping on the ship. Ralph said that Fred is amazing because he's working off of one machine doing all of that. Sal is working the effects while Fred is out and he said that he's not even close to being able to do what Fred does.
A caller told Jon that Mancow actually played Sal and Richard's ''Dirty Turban'' call and said that it was one of the best prank phone calls ever made. Meanwhile he's always bashing Howard's show. Sal said that he may have pulled the call off a web site but it is kind of a ''dickish move'' on his part.
One caller asked the guys to do something like the Line of the Day or Line of the Week where they play audio of some of the funniest lines on the show. Ralph said he was actually thinking of doing something like that so they'll have to look into doing it.
One caller asked when the show is going to be available on the web. The guys told him that they really are working on building the network so they can handle the traffic. Once that is set, they'll make the show available.
The guys replayed a clip of Wendy the Retard calling in last week first thing in the morning. She was telling Howard about he wet dream and creepy stuff like that. There were a couple of other highlight clips that the guys played after that. They had Howard singing along to a live version of ''Herdy Gerdy Man''
Jon wrapped up the show after that and said he thought the show went okay. Ralph said they still need to tighten it up a bit and work on things but it's getting there. They ended the show around 10:40am.