Howard started the show talking about how he likes coming to work on a Friday. Then he said he actually likes coming to work after the weekend. Howard asked Robin what she was doing for the weekend and mentioned some of the things they had coming up on the show. Then he went to break.
After the break Howard came back and talked about how Jackie was ordered to stay in bed. He's been sick so he had to stay home. Howard said Jackie doesn't slow down on the weekends so he can be healthy for his job. Howard said Jackie faxed him his doctor's note. Robin said if she had to be in bed, she would be in the studio in bed. Howard said he believes that she would.
Howard told Robin she's sparkling today. Robin said she has people who tell her that the cameras aren't doing her justice when they see her in person. Howard said his mic wasn't working right. Gary saw that there was a frayed wire in there.
This girl called in yesterday and said she would be coming down to the studio today. Well she called Gary and canceled it. She gave Gary a bunch of different stories but eventually it came out that it was her boyfriend who didn't want her going on the show. She was supposed to get naked in there. Howard said they still have some hope. He said if any girls want to come in and have him feel their chests, they can call in. Howard said they need to find a hot lesbian to come in and do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who calls in every day to talk about OJ. The caller, TJ, said that he wanted to explain something. He said he's been faxing in some stuff but Robin said she throws them away because they're the same thing as his phone calls. TJ said he has some points to make. He said that Howard is a hypocrite about OJ and the people he has on his show. He said he has Henry Hill and G. Gordon Liddy on the show but he never calls them killers. Howard explained how it was different.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard how often this guy calls in and how he can't avoid putting him up for Howard. Howard tried to talk to the guy but ended up hanging up on him a minute later.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he had any plans to get into the lecture circuit. Howard said that's what he'll do when his contract expires. He said he'll teach young people how to do what he does. That led to him going off on Rush Limbaugh for a couple of minutes. He was complaining about the crap the guy sells to his fans and things like that.
The caller asked if Howard would run for president in the year 2000. Howard said he would consider it. He let the caller go and took another one.
The next caller said that he's upset with Van Halen and David Lee Roth. The guy said they've set up a web site and they're getting 3000 hits a day. Howard asked the guy how bad he wants something going on in his life. Howard said even David Lee Roth isn't that upset about it. The caller said this whole thing is a swindle. He said that his whole childhood was ripped away from him because of this Van Halen thing. Howard asked who ripped away his youth. The guy said their fans were used. Howard told the guy he doesn't have to buy their albums. They don't have to be fans.
Howard told the caller he was nuts. He asked him how he was used. The caller said that they're making Roth look like a fool and they're trying to cash in on him. Howard asked the caller how he was affected though. The caller didn't have a straight answer. He said they're trying to get everyone to boycott the Van Halen Greatest Hits album. Howard said he's not sure he can back him up in this. He said he likes Van Halen and they're a great band.
Howard and Robin asked when he set up this web page. The caller said he started it last week. He said he's upset about what they were talking about and he went completely berserk when he heard whatever it was that set him off. Howard asked who set up the web site. The caller said he and some friends did it. Howard said they probably did it to get some kind of career out of this. The caller said that's not what they were doing. Howard said he sees everyone on the web trying to be stars and it's pathetic.
A woman got on the line and tried to defend the other guy. Howard told them that they were pathetic with this web page. Howard said he can't be involved in this. He told them that they're a couple of losers. He said he needs to find some free time to do stuff like this. Robin told them to get a life. Howard hung up on them and went to break.
A caller brought up this little kid that caught a ball and ended up at a Yankee game and on Letterman. Howard said he's sick of seeing the kid all over TV. Howard said he likes this Roberto Alamar guy who has the camera on him all the time.
Howard said this little kid has to go away. He said that he's tired of seeing him. Gary said they say that what he did was illegal. Gary was also talking about the Yankees and how they're doing lately. They spent a minute on that and then moved on.
Howard read Grillo's resume and goofed on him about the stuff he had listed in there. Grillo said he never does well on any tests. He said he just doesn't test well. Howard said Grillo is basically saying he's not stupid, he just doesn't test well. He said he could be a lawyer with an answer like that. Howard said he must be smart in other areas then. Grillo said he can carry on a conversation.
Howard said they may have to take some of his work away from him if he doesn't test well. Dominic Barbara called in and said he's willing to send Grillo to his vacation home if he does well on this test. Grillo said he really doesn't know how he'll do on this test.
The guys went over the stuff that Grillo would be tested on. They went over that and how Grillo should be taking the test. Howard told Grillo to go back and take his test. He asked Robin if she thought he would test above a 90. She wasn't sure about that. Howard said 70 and below is ''borderline.'' Howard said if you have an 80 then you have a ''low'' IQ. A 90 is below average and 100 is average. Howard asked Fred what he thinks Grillo will do. Fred said somewhere between an 88 and a 92 is where Grillo will end up. Howard asked if he can possibly score a 100. No one thought he would. Howard said he thinks he's marginally retarded. Howard took some bets on how he would do. Robin said she thinks it'll be above a 90.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was in special ed with Grillo. The guy didn't have the right town though so Grillo went off on him. Howard let that guy go and told Grillo to go take his test.
Howard said he's pretty sure he'll be making $100 today with the bets he had on him. Howard said they can bet on individual questions once they get the test back later. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said Gary heard from a guy who had the ratings book and after he sent it in he got a call from the ratings people who asked how he can listen to the show for so long and still make the money he claims he was making. Howard said this guy listens on his way to work, on a 90 minute drive, and then leaves the radio on while they're doing construction work. The ratings people said they didn't believe him and he couldn't be used in the ratings anymore.
Howard said a lot of people don't know how to fill out the form so that's another problem. Howard said that he can't believe he's being penalized for people listening to the show for so long.
Howard said he ended up being the morning man on WBCN and he was on for maybe a month and a half. He said they had doubled the audience in that time but they were still being beaten by a couple of people. He said that there were two guys like Charles Laquidara and some other guy. Howard said he needs time to establish himself in a market. The press bashed him after that first ratings period. Now they're saying that he ''dominates the target audience'' so he wants to know what that means.
Howard read through the article where they talked about how huge he's gotten now. Howard said Imus is non-existent now. Howard was dominating the ratings. He said he used to beg Mel Karmazin to put him on up there. He knew he could do well. He said it kills him that he's not on down in Atlanta now. He said he knows he could do really well down there too.
Henry was saying how he used to fix basketball games up in Boston and the next thing you know this guy calls in to yell at him. It was this guy who has called in before. His name is Joe and he wanted to set Henry straight about what he was talking about. The two of them went at it for a few minutes. Joe was calling Henry a ''Stool Pigeon'' and a liar just like the woman did yesterday. Henry was yelling back at the guy.
A little later Henry was saying that the Yankees game is fixed for today. He said that the Yanks will win by 6 runs! It'll be interesting to see if he's right. Howard went to break a short time after that call.
Howard brought up what Henry Hill was saying about the fixed Yankee game. He said that Stuttering John tried calling someone out in Las Vegas to find out what kind of bets they could place. They wouldn't give out any info over the phone though.
Howard had Tommy the Intern come in to explain some betting to them so they could figure out how to bet the Yankee game. Tommy gave Howard some details about how he could win.
Howard said he heard that Grillo is taking his IQ test. He brought up the bets they talked about earlier in the morning. Howard said Gary has to grade it when Steve is done. He said Gary was back there shaking his head as he was grading it. Howard thinks he's going to win the bets he had with Fred and Robin. He said he knows his retards.
Howard said there's this magazine called Steppin' Out and this guy Chaunce Hayden does the interviews. Howard said the guy always asks people about the Howard Stern show. Howard said Chaunce was interviewing the cast of ''Boston Common'' recently. Howard said Chaunce asked what they think of the Howard Stern Show. He got reactions from 5 people on the show. One of the people, Tasha Smith, said she would kick Howard in the nuts. She knew that Howard would call her out on that. She doesn't like Howard because of what he did to Rosie O'Donnell. Traylor Howard also said she didn't like Howard Stern. Howard read another interview with Hedy Burress. She didn't seem to have a problem with him. She told Chaunce that she liked him at times and at other times she didn't.
Howard found out Steve Grillo was done with his IQ test. Steve came in so Robin told him to feel his head to see if it was smoking. Howard said it was all sweaty. Grillo said he's pretty sure he choked on a few of the sections of the test. He thinks he may have done okay in some of it though. Grillo said he knows he's not retarded. Howard said he thinks he could come in with a 70 and he'd be a functional retard if that was the case.
Howard got back to the Steppin' Out interview and read what Steve Paymer had to say about him. The guy didn't seem to have a problem with Howard. Vincent Ventresca said he can't stop listening to the show. He likes the E! show and can't stop watching it. Anthony Clark also said that Howard is okay but not ''brilliant'' like so many people think. He does think that there are a lot of imitators out there though.
Howard thanked the people of Boston for making them number 1. He went to break a short time later.
The caller wanted Howard to hear him out but Howard didn't care to hear what he had to say. Howard said it's not just the abortion issue.
Howard let that caller go and said he wanted to play Guess Who's The Jew and the Mike Walker game. Howard also wanted to talk about this annoying kid that's all over the news. He said he's really sick of the kid but then said he was going to read the article. He didn't bother.
Howard had some Stone Temple Pilots tickets to give away so he had Kurt Waldheim Jr. (Fred) come in to play 'Guess Who's The Jew' with a listener.
Howard spent a minute finding out if the caller likes Jews or not. The guy works for the City of New York and claimed he didn't work with any Jews. He said he does find Jews pushy. He said they can get pretty annoying when they're so pushy. He talked about a fight he got into with a Jew when he was younger.
Howard moved on to the game after that. Here are the choices for 'Guess Who's The Jew': Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson and Ted Danson. The listener guessed Harrison Ford. He was right. Harrison Ford was the Jew. Howard picked Harrison Ford too. Howard put the guy on the phone and went to another break.
Howard got Mike on the line and talked to him about some stuff before getting to the game. They talked about this guy who was working on a game show that sounded very similar to the Gossip Game. Howard said this guy has been ripping him off for years. Mike said that they all listen to Howard's show and that's where they get these ideas from. Mike said that this guy Fred Silverman is the one who Howard was talking about. Howard said he had a meeting with that guy once years ago.
Howard said he had Stuttering John and Grillo sitting in today for the game.
Gary said that Grillo is good with the left side of his brain. The right side he's not so good at. Gary said he watched Grillo take the test. He said that he thinks that he guessed at a lot of the questions in this one part of the test though.
Gary said Grillo averaged a 98 on the IQ test so he just comes in above retard. So Grillo is going to Puerto Rico sometime in the near future with some unnamed good looking girl thanks to Dominic Barbara.
Howard said that Grillo cost him $100. Robin won the bet she had with Howard. They went over some of the questions that Grillo got wrong. They were trying to figure out how he thinks. They went to break a short time later.
Howard talked about how Belzer was shooting his TV show in Baltimore and this guy came running around the corner with a guy yelling at him to stop. Belzer said he looked around and saw all of the fake cops standing around and threw his hands in the air. The guy then started laughing when he realized he was in the middle of a TV show shoot. Belzer said the guy could have kept running and gotten away if he had known what he was running into.
Belzer said the guy had stolen Q-tips and Polaroid film. He said he wondered if he was going to go home, clean his ears and then take pictures.
Howard said he was in a rush today so he only wanted him to jump in when he had something important to say. Howard and Belzer spent a little time talking about Charles Dutton being on the show Belzer is on. Howard asked if they cast him as someone who killed someone. Belzer said that he paid his debt to society so he's fine with the guy working.
Howard had Robin get to her news. She read a story about a fireman who was arrested for using a video camera to secretly film children.
Robin read about a Girl Scout who was attacked by a woman when she went into her house. They spent a little time talking about that story.
Robin read a story about a guy who was strangled by his pet python. They were joking about that story a little bit.
Robin read through some more stories. She had some stuff about OJ Simpson and the people involved with his case. He's going to be on 20/20 talking about that stuff.
Robin read some news about Cher and her daughter. Cher was upset when she found out that her daughter was a lesbian. Robin said Chastity was afraid to talk to her mother about that and she told her father first.
Robin had some campaign news. Belzer chimed in about the Bob Dole thing. Belzer said that Dole can't even pronounce the word ''president.'' He said he leaves out the D in the word.
Howard had Robin rushing through stories so he could get out of there. Robin was going through a bunch of her stuff very quickly. They wrapped up and ended the show after a few more quick stories.