Howard started the show but the audio quality was awful. He said he's really annoyed like everyone else. He said he's on something called Zoom and it sounds really weird. He said they don't have headphones and it's not a regular broadcast. He said Robin, Fred and Gary are all on with him. They all said hello and the audio quality was horrible.
Howard said the show will be abbreviated. He said they're taking a long time to get set up at home. He said by next Monday he'll be set up. He said he's on lock down and it's taking a while to get set up. He said he's trying desperately not to get Coronavirus. Howard said they say that 80 percent of the people there have it. Robin said that's not him though.
Howard said they have a test that says you hold your breath for 10 seconds. He said he's doing that every 5 minutes. Gary said that test is bullshit.
Howard said they are going to have something set up by next Monday so they can operate remotely. He said it'll sound more like the real show. He said they can't even take calls right now.
Howard said he's looking at Robin and she looks like a webcam girl. He said it looks like they can have sex.
Howard said Dr. Agus is the guy who helped Robin with her cancer and he's been in touch with him about this Coronavirus thing. He said he'll come on tomorrow and answer some questions about this. He said he asked him to come on. He said today Jimmy Kimmel will be on around 8. Howard said Jimmy is already there and waiting.
Howard said the message is that they will do this week on Zoom. He said then they'll have something else set up. Robin said Gary just picked his nose. Howard said Gary has lost a lot in the stock market. He said everyone was wondering why anyone would give a fuck. Gary said he was just giving it as an example of what was going on with the market.
Howard said he was talking to his mother about this and she said if she dies, she dies. He said he told her she has to think about other people. He said now they're going out and going to Bagel Boss. He said he's been trying to get her into lockdown. He said Beth is cleaning their house and he offered to help. He said he went to change the bed sheets and he had no idea how hard it is. He said he feels bad but he loves Beth so much. He said he offered to help but she said he fucks everything up. He said she's there and he told her to come in but she probably won't.
Howard said he doesn't have to pay people to do this shit anymore. He said he was walking around picking up his socks and asking where to put them. He said he wanted to put them in the wash himself. He said now he realizes how big his house is now that he has to clean it.
Howard said the quality of the broadcast and the ability to take calls they can do as of next Monday. He said don't send him any emails about this... peace and love, peace and love.
Howard said Richard Christy is washing his hands so much that he has a hole in his hand from it. He said his skin isn't used to being washed so much.
Howard said he has been getting food from restaurants and he's microwaving it to kill the Coronavirus. He said Beth said that he's going to give up and just die if he gets it. He said he wishes she was there. He tried calling her on his whole house intercom.
Howard said he's in his office and he won't leave. He said he's basically boarded his house shut. He said he told Beth that you should only take Tylenol if you get this thing. He said she takes care of all of that. Howard said he can't get Beth on the phone. He said she may be steam cleaning the linens. He said she may have escaped the house when he went upstairs to broadcast.
Howard said if he gets Coronavirus he told Beth to just leave him there in the bed and not take him outside.
Howard asked Robin what she's up to. Robin said she's fine because she has quarantined before. She had to do that when she had cancer. Howard said he has been checking in on her. He said she isn't self quarantining. Robin said she has someone there and that person is wearing a mask and wiping things down. She said it's fine.
Howard asked Fred what he's up to. Fred said he's social distancing. He said he has to go shopping but he gets the senior thing now that he's old enough.
Howard said he is scared shitless. He said he feels he knows what's coming. He said he watches The Walking Dead and he knows what's coming. He said Fred has a friend who has a nice house and his house got broken into and they took canned goods. He said they left the TVs and stuff. He said the people know what's coming. Robin said she has been locking her house up and she doesn't usually do that.
Howard said they have it really good there in this country. He said this is a shit storm that anyone would have to deal with. He said when Donald was elected he was worried about everything dying and going bankrupt like all of his businesses. He said everyone he touches dies. He said his fear was that this country was going to go bankrupt. He said that's what he feared. He said maybe it's not even his fault. He said this is going to get really bad and this is his worst fear coming true. He said it's freaking him the fuck out. He said Donald has to rise up and get some good people on this. Robin said he should just quit.
Howard said he even asked Donald how he can fuck up selling red meat to Americans. Robin said a casino is somewhere that people come and give you money and he fucked that up. Howard said he knows. Howard said he is rooting for the president but...
Robin said they say that Russia has hardly any cases. Howard said High Register Seany says that Russia released it to take us out. He said he didn't really say that but he thinks that might be what he'd say.
Howard said he is pretty stocked up but he's not sure if he should have more. He said he is thinking of getting his own stash of stuff.
Howard said they were supposed to have last week off as a scheduled vacation. He said the Wednesday before they took off because they heard someone may have tested positive at Sirius.
Howard said High Register Sean says that you can get Coronavirus from the bubble wrap coming from China because it has air from China in it.
Howard said he pictures Gary getting very bored in this whole thing. He said this is heaven to him because he can stay inside. He said he paints all day and reads. He said this is his idea if heaven. He asked if he's doing puzzles with his wife every minute. Gary said he had a mini panic attack yesterday and he found out about how horrible this Coronavirus is. He said he has been happy staying in the house watching TV. He said they did finish their big puzzle. He said it was 1000 pieces.
Howard asked how Robin is self quarantining if he's got someone in there. Robin said she doesn't have a Beth so she has to have someone help her. She said she has him wiping things down whenever he touches anything.
Gary said people have no respect for what's going on. He said he's only going out for the things he has to do. He said he had to go to the pharmacy. He said he was on line and six feet behind someone. He said this woman got behind him and was right up his ass. He said he asked her to back off. He said she was right on him.
Howard said he and Beth got in an elevator and they got in with this guy. He said this was right before all of this lockdown. He said the guy let out a breath like he was exasperated. He said they were holding their breath. He said he breathed on them on purpose. He said Beth even pointed it out.
Howard said they released the movie Invisible Man on Amazon for 19 bucks because of this Coronavirus. He said he saw it. Robin did too.
Gary said if they're only doing an hour of show they should get Jimmy on. Howard got Jimmy on and talked about how hard this has been with two little kids around his house. Howard said his brother in law is locked up and doing home schooling. Howard said he's going to teach a broadcasting class to the kids. He said he'll be teaching art too. He said Beth will be teaching animal adoption.
Howard said he can help Jimmy's kids. Jimmy said they can't see him. He said he has a piece of bread on his camera.
Howard asked Jimmy about quarantining himself and if he has anyone else in there. Jimmy said they weren't going to let the kids in but then they changed their minds. He said no one is allowed into the house. Robin said they're crazy.
Howard said his mother's doctor told him that they have to treat your home like a jail cell. He said if you want to stay alive you have to keep people out of your house.
Beth showed up and came into Howard's office. Jimmy said they have to feel the worst for Beth.
Howard said he's so proud of his wife. She said she was down vacuuming the house. Howard said he has a schedule for her to stagger her work load. Beth said she has to clean downstairs daily because of the cats.
Beth said she had to take care of a mother cat and her kittens. She said the mama cat had diarrhea and the kittens were sliding around in it. She had to clean that up.
Howard said Beth started in with him last night about how upset she is with him giving up if he gets Coronavirus. Beth said he feels like he's dying if he gets the sniffles. She said she thinks we're all going to get it. Robin said she's not getting it. Howard said they say that 80 percent of people in New York will get it.
Howard asked what she's saying to him. Beth said if they get it Howard is going to give up. She said he has to remain positive. Jimmy laughed and asked ''Remain?'' Howard said he's not going to give up. Beth said she doesn't think he will have the will to live if he gets it. She said he has to get out of it by knowing you can get through it. She was crying over it. She said she can't live without him. Howard said he's a fighter. Beth said she's just tired. Howard said that's because she's not staggering her work load.
Howard said he thinks Beth has him all wrong. He said he is a fighter. He said he does complain but he will fight this and tackle it if he gets it. Beth was still crying. She asked if she can leave. Howard said she had a stomach ache the other day and she helped her out with his meat probe.
Howard said he's making a statement now. He said if he gets Coronavirus he will fight it. He said the best part of his life is being with her. He said he's not leaving her. He said he will complain during it but is going to live.
Howard said he hasn't watched the news in a week. Robin said the news is scary. She said Howard is being honest and he will complain like he's dying but he's not. Howard said he thinks Beth is high from the cleaning fumes. He said she needs to take a break from cleaning. Robin said they will break down and get a cleaning woman. Beth said that's crazy that Robin has one. Robin said she knows what she's doing.
Howard said Robin is right. He said she could have died from a common cold and she knows what she's doing.
Beth was going to leave but Howard said he's willing to help her out. Beth said it's just easier if she does it herself.
Howard asked if Beth has any questions for Jimmy about this. Beth said that she's in touch with Molly and she knows that they're stocked up. Howard asked if he has any survival gear. Jimmy said he doesn't have a HazMat suit. Howard said he has 5. He said if he has to go out and do something he's going to wear it. He said if Beth is cleaning the house and she injures herself he's going to wear it to the hospital.
Jimmy said he feels like Howard has willed this to happen. He said that no one is allowed to touch you and he's not leaving the house. Howard said he does wake up and think that it's another day that no one will touch him.
Howard said he got out of going to Italy 2 years ago. He said now Beth, Jimmy and Molly wanted to go in June of this year. He said he heard the news and he wanted to kill himself. He said they had other friends who were going to be there and he was okay with it. He said he really is happy that he's not going to Italy. He said if he could wish this pandemic away he'd love to go to Italy.
Howard let Beth go and Jimmy said she's even wearing overalls today. Howard said she's going to be filling the cracks in the driveway later today.
Howard said they're doing this thing over Zoom and it's like Skype. He said it's very popular right now. He said that's why the show sounds the way it does.
Howard talked about Wetsons burgers and how they were better than McDonald's. He said they were first and the better burger. He said that somehow McDonald's took the market away from them. He said it's like Skype and Zoom. He said he's not sure how they let them take over.
Howard said he's going to have a full rig in his house on Monday. He said he has people coming in to set things up. He said the equipment is going to sit for a week so the Coronavirus will die.
Jimmy asked if the microwave thing is something that he was told. Howard said it is. He said a friend, Rick, told him about it. He said they get the box and microwave it for 20 seconds to kill the Coronavirus.
Jimmy asked how long they think this is really going to go on. Howard said he thinks from what he's seen that it'll be like 18 months. Robin said the kids are out of school there until the fall at least.
Jimmy said he's doing a show from home because he can't go to work. He said they can't have more than 10 people in a work place at one time. He said Molly is doing her thing with the kids and doing a good job with that.
Howard asked Jimmy what his day is like now. Jimmy talked about how they're dealing with their kids and how they switch off. He said he writes up what he wants to talk about every day. He said it can take hours to record it because he's got to figure it all out.
Howard asked Jimmy about the Kevin and Bean show that Jimmy worked for. He asked if they just fired Kevin. Jimmy said he's done mornings at K-Rock for 30 years and they fired him out of nowhere. He said they were all fired as the quarantine got started. Howard asked what the reason was. Jimmy said they fired a lot of people and they did it over the phone. He said he was at work the day before so it didn't make sense. He said radio is the worst career. Howard said it really is.
Howard said they have some questions for Jimmy that the staff wrote. Robin asked if he's doing more facial hair now. Jimmy said it's the same but it's turning white.
The guys talked about how they wont be able to get hair cuts so Howard's hair may get out of control. They said that women won't be coloring their hair so they'll see their real hair color.
Howard asked Jimmy a question that the staff had for him. He said they asked if he fears more for Howard or David Letterman. Jimmy said he thinks Dave is more hearty than Howard. Howard said he has endured pain. He said Dave had a heart problem. Jimmy said he saw Howard with the bird on the beach and he realized if something bad happens they'd have to rely on Beth. Howard said he did really good that day. Howard said they got their shit together that day. Jimmy said he feels that they'd still be wandering around if he didn't help Howard out that day.
Howard said they all saw the moving broadcast about Kobe Bryant. He asked why there was no audience that day. Jimmy said there was no reason to have one. He said it was almost entirely clips. Howard said why not have the audience. Jimmy said Howard has no idea what it was like there in L.A. that day. Howard said he felt bad about the whole thing. Jimmy said imagine how people with real deep emotions would feel.
Howard asked if Jimmy would be that upset for him if he died. Jimmy said he would. He said he's not crying for Kenny Rogers though. He said his death is barely a blip on their radar right now because of this Coronavirus.
Ronnie said they were told that they could go and it wouldn't be a problem. He said they fucked all week. Fred was doing his puppet thing and said that they flew on TWA-T.
Ronnie said they were fucking every day out there. He said they were doing it like twice a day. He said they left one of his favorite toys down there in a drawer. He said they had a blast.
Howard asked if he was nervous to get on a plane. Ronnie said they were in first class. He said they weren't sitting next to anyone. He said Stephanie brought wipes with her and wiped down everything.
Howard said Ronnie has an office of a 12 year old. Ronnie said this is what's left of his NASCAR collection. He had something with DuPont on it on the wall so Fred goofed on that.
Ronnie said Stephanie is still working because she works for an animal hospital. He said she works in Oncology so she's needed there.
Howard and the guys were checking out the stuff in Ronnie's room. He had some Gold Rush Rally award and a bunch of hoods and helmets in the room. Ronnie said it's very exciting. He told Jimmy not to worry about him. He said he's fine. He said he's worried about Stephanie getting it. He said she has to go to work. Howard said she shouldn't be going to work. Ronnie said she has to. He said she does Chemo every day for these animals.
Robin said it's more dangerous for Ronnie to go to the grocery store. Ronnie said he makes her go.
Howard talked to Ronnie about his trip to Puerto Rico and Ronnie said it was the best. Howard said he had notes about how he did tons of oral down there. Howard said he had sex one day and the next day he wasn't able to cum. He said Ronnie claims he can do it twice a day. Ronnie said that's right. He said she was rubbing his dick in the water in the ocean so he didn't cum out there. He said they went back to the room for that. He said then they went back out to the water.
Ronnie told a story about their butler interrupting them when they were having sex. Ronnie said he had to ask the guy to come back later. He said they shut down the place they were at the day they were leaving. He said it was beautiful down there.
Howard asked Ronnie more questions about their schedule down there. Jimmy said it's impressive that Ronnie can do all of that.
Howard said he's getting back to Jimmy. He said this was fascinating. Howard asked Jimmy some more questions that the staff wrote for him. Someone asked if he'll be upset if someone else in late night gets Coronavirus before he does. Jimmy said he feels like he's had it at times. Howard said maybe he can just say he had it.
Howard said he feels like he had it. Robin said she felt like she had it back in December. She said she missed the last day of work. She said she thinks that was Coronavirus. Jimmy said it wasn't even there yet. Robin said they don't know that.
Howard said he saw the wet markets they have over in China. He said it's a horrible looking thing.
Howard asked why the Coronavirus is worse than the flu. Robin said it's not worse, it's more contagious and it gets to older people. Howard asked if he would survive it. Robin said most do. She said even older people. Jimmy said he thinks they'll all be okay.
Howard said he thinks that we need to have a complete lock down like they did in China. He said Trump was just tweeting that everyone will be back to work in 15 days. He said that's just not true. Robin said none of this is based on fact.
Howard asked Jimmy when he thinks this will be calmed down and over. Jimmy said by the end of May is what he's thinking. Howard asked if he wants to put money on that. Jimmy said he does not.
Howard said he has to get Alec Baldwin on the show. He said he has to find out how he's surviving with this whole thing. He said he bets he's outside just saying ''fuck it!''
Howard said Jimmy is off the air indefinitely until they hear otherwise. He said they will check in with him from time to time.
Fred did his Bobo puppet thing and talked about calling in when they're able to take calls again. Fred said he bought some puppets at a local store and made them himself.
Howard said he had some email to read but he's not in the mood. He said he's not sure how long to go with this thing.
Howard said the SiriusXM building is closed. He said everyone is on lockdown. He said if something happens to him the country will go berserk.
Howard said they're not hearing anything about Tom Hanks. Robin said he was released from the hospital and he's doing fine. Jimmy said he emailed Tom and he said the worst part of it was the hospital food. Howard said he was in Australia. Jimmy said he was but he's not sure if he's allowed back here. Robin said Andy Cohen tested positive too. Jimmy said he saw Andy last Saturday night on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He said they stayed apart. He said they were doing the social distancing thing.
Howard said Andy is such a social butterfly and he's the kind of guy he'd expect to get Coronavirus. Jimmy said he should get him on and talk to him about what it's like. Gary said he sent him a note last night so he's communicating.
Howard asked if Jimmy has been tested yet. Jimmy said he hasn't but he was close to some people who had it. Howard jokingly said he has been tested 17 times. Robin asked how that's possible. Howard said they want to keep him alive at all costs.
Howard said he's checking out JD's apartment now. He said this is going great. Howard asked him to talk about why he's pissed off about the politicians who are profiting off of the stock market. JD spent a few seconds complaining about that. Howard said he spaced out about that.
Howard said JD and his wife are taking walks to stay busy. He said JD reads every article about Coronavirus. He said if freaks him out but he's reading it all.
Howard said Governor Cuomo is killing it with his speeches. He said he's so good. Howard said he thinks Biden should just start working on a solution to this whole thing. He said he should just start being president.
Howard said Howie Mandel must be freaking out about this whole thing because Heidi Klum got sick and isn't telling anyone what she had. He said she's back on America's Got Talent with him.
JD said he feels like he has Coronavirus every time he coughs. Howard said he probably does. JD talked about how they're getting food ordered in. Howard said he thinks he has Coronavirus. He said he bets he's not washing up and showering.
Howard said you have to see Richard's hands. He said he washes so much that his body isn't used to soap. Howard showed Robin a picture of Richard's hand. JD said he uses maximum heat when he washes them. Jimmy said the temperature makes no difference. He said he got a lesson on it and the temperature doesn't mean a thing.
Howard said JD has been smoking weed during this whole thing. JD showed them that he had some there. Howard told him to light up. JD lit up and took a hit. Howard said he's not even inhaling. JD took another hit and coughed.
Howard read some notes about JD and found out he cried over a TV show. JD said if he sees someone crying on TV he'll cry.
Howard had Sal on Zoom so he got an update from him about his parents. He said they're in the hospital and they're doing okay. He said they both tested positive for Coronavirus. He said his dad is on the line watching the news from Italy and worried that they're all going to die. He said they told him he just has pneumonia. He said his fever is gone and he's still in the hospital. He said they didn't tell him that his mother went home already. He said he might freak out about that.
Sal said he called his mother and the nurse had to hold the phone to her ear. He said he thought she was going to die. He said it's a horrible disease. He said they won't even let you into the hospital. Sal said once his mom went 3 days without a fever they wanted her to go home. He said they want them out ASAP.
Sal said his parents were so bad that they weren't able to speak. He said his dad is now doing much better.
Howard said he was worried about Sal doing home schooling for his kids. He said he wondered what he'd be able to teach them. He said he's glad his parents are doing better. Sal said they have to take the keys away from his dad because he likes to go out. Howard said how about telling him when he goes home.
Howard said they could have taken this week off. He asked how great are they for doing a show today? He asked when Jimmy had to get up this morning. He said he was up at 3:40. He said he'll stick around until they're done.
Howard asked how Sal is getting along with his wife. Sal said they're doing great. He said he goes for a walk every day and he saw a bunch of guys out playing soccer the other day. He wondered if they don't know what's going on. He said he wanted to yell at them but he was afraid of getting his ass kicked.
Howard said they were planning on doing just an hour today. He said they've already done 2. He said you can still email them at SternShow@HowardStern.com
Howard asked if Jimmy has any words of wisdom. Jimmy said no but he has words of anger and annoyance. He said he was at an intersection and he saw 3 guys in a row touching the buttons on an ATM. He said people were crowded on the pier in Malibu. He said they don't seem to get what's going on. He said they're ignoring this stuff and it's not right.
Howard said there was a woman in a building who tested positive for Coronavirus and she's still walking around the building touching things. Jimmy said someone should strangle her. Robin said don't say that.
Howard said he's saying that you must stay in your mansion. He said Los Angeles had to close the trails because too many people were out hiking.
Howard thanked Jimmy for doing the show today. He said he loves him. He said that Beth just said she'll bring him anything he needs. He said he'll test her out on that by giving her 25 things he needs up there.
Howard asked Benjy why he can't sit up. Benjy said the surgeon said that it's dangerous. Howard said no one believes that. He said he'll get to him tomorrow. He said Shuli is growing his beard out so he has to talk to him.
Howard said Benjy didn't shower for 3 weeks after his operation. He said he's using a walker and he went out with his walker during the Coronavirus thing.
Howard asked if they want to ask Benjy about not showering. Robin said they have to wait until tomorrow to talk to him about all of this. She said he's against all of the regulations they have in place right now.
Howard asked Benjy if it's true that he's against things being shut down. Benjy said no. He said he said there should be a due process to it. He said they should have to approve things first. He said he wants more of a process. Howard cut him off and said he'll get to him tomorrow.
Howard said his dad has no idea what's going on. He said he just wants to go out. He did his impression of his parents for a minute and then wrapped up the show. He said by Monday they'll be back to doing a regular kind of show. He said they did 2 hours today after planning on doing just one. He said next week it'll be much more professional sounding. Howard gave Jimmy some plugs for the show that he's not doing right now.
Jimmy said he thinks that some quarantine sex tips would be good right now. Howard said that's a good idea. He tried to get Ronnie on but he wasn't coming through. Gary tried to walk him through unmuting himself. Howard told him nevermind. He said he could watch that for an hour though. He said Jason said that he has to do it himself and it's not going to happen.
Howard let Ronnie keep trying to unmute. He talked about how he's trying to help Beth out cleaning the house but she won't let him. Robin said he's slowing her down then.
Jimmy said Robin is blocking her view from her house with her blinds. Robin said she has a view of the beach there. She opened them up. Howard said he's in his office so that's what you're seeing. He said he thinks it's quite impressive what he has in there. He showed off some books and things he had in there.
Ronnie finally got on and gave Jimmy a sex tip. He told him to brush your teeth and use mouth wash before oral. He said use something with peppermint because it's the most amazing feeling you'll ever get. He said your dick or clitoris will get a tingling feeling. Howard spent a little more time talking to Ronnie about that. Fred did his Ronnie Puppet voice for a short time too.
Howard said he's going to wrap up. Jimmy had a question for Ronnie though. He asked what his favorite book was. Ronnie said it's that ''Brisco'' book. He was talking about Donnie Brasco. Howard said he read that like 10 years ago. Ronnie said he did. They went through some of the other books he had in his office there.
Howard and the guys went over some of the stuff they're watching on TV while this quarantine thing is going on. They had a bunch of shows they went over real quick. Howard said they were only going to do an hour today but they did 2 and a half. Howard said tomorrow they'll have Dr. Agus on the show to answer some questions.
Howard said next week they'll have better quality. He asked Jimmy if he has anything to tell the country. Jimmy said he thinks he's depressed everyone enough already. He said he hopes that they get to see everyone's homes and apartments while they're doing the show like this.
Howard said he'll give a tour of his setup tomorrow. He said next week he'll be doing the show from his basement. He said he won't be on Zoom next week.
Howard had everyone say goodbye. He went to Fred who did his Ronnie puppet impression. He had Gary, Ronnie, Jimmy and Robin all say goodbye. Jimmy said he hopes people take this seriously. Howard and Robin agreed with that. They wrapped up the show around 9:35am.
Howard started the show talking about this being day 2 of quarantine on the radio. He said some people didn't know they were on yesterday. He said they're doing it all over computer on Zoom. He said today the equipment is being installed in his house. He said by Monday they'll have a better quality broadcast.
Howard said they're doing shows today and tomorrow on Zoom. He said today Dr. Agus will join them and answer some questions. He has a lot to ask. He was going to read some questions to Robin but changed his mind.
Howard said he thought he'd love broadcasting from home but it's a pain in the ass. He said yesterday's show worked out. He said they got a lot of calls from different places about how excited they were about it. He said he has to give a shout out to Jimmy Kimmel for doing the show. He said he's a trooper and a great guy for doing that.
Howard said the quality of the sound is different but it's a way to touch base with the fans. He read some email they got about the show. People weren't too upset about the quality of the audio. They were just happy to hear them on the air again.
Howard went through more email and had some comments about Beth being on the show yesterday. People were feeling bad for her doing the house work. Howard said he said to her that he can clean his own bathroom so she had to demo how she does it. She showed him what to use in there. He said she eventually said she'll just do it because it'll take less time.
Howard said he's in charge of cleaning certain rooms in the house. He said he thinks he'll do it. He read more feedback about yesterday's show. Howard said everyone loved Ronnie. Howard said they posed some of the video of Ronnie trying to figure out his computer. He said it's up on Twitter and some other places.
Howard said Fred froze so he looks like he died in his chair. He said he's not used to looking at him but it looked like he died. He told Fred he had a great moment with the puppet yesterday. Fred did some more with the puppet.
Robin asked if Howard is really letting someone come into his house to put the equipment in today. Howard said he is but he'll be in a HazMat suit. Howard said Robin isn't in quarantine if she has anyone on there. Robin said she is but she has to have someone helping her. She said she knows what she's doing.
Howard said he's going to throw Charlie the engineer in the microwave for 20 seconds to make sure the Coronavirus is dead. He said the guy is coming in dressed in a HazMat suit. He said he has to go down 5 stairs to his radio studio which is an old closet. He said he's putting the equipment in and he's letting it sit for the whole weekend to let the Coronavirus die.
Robin asked why he's not doing a sterilization process. Howard said he actually is. He said they're doing that too. He said there's a lot of stuff to clean. He said they're going to nuke the basement like it's Chernobyl. He said he won't be going down there for 5 days.
Robin said she thinks they're going to get it. Howard said he hopes not. Gary said Andy Cohen said he'll talk to them when he's feeling better.
Howard said Alec is going to come on and talk about what his life is like. Robin said he had all of his kids at the Ellen show when he took over for her for a day. Howard said he thinks Alec has to have it the worst with all of those kids at home. Gary ran down the list of kids ages. They're all pretty young.
Howard said one of the things he'll talk to him about tomorrow is about giving away some of his kids. He said if you want a kid you can probably have a Baldwin until the Coronavirus is over.
Robin said she read that they're not letting husbands in during childbirth at New York city hospitals. Howard said that's so horrible. Robin said now people are looking for another place to do it.
Howard said he had to yell at his mother again. He said she was still having people over to clean. He said he had to convince her not to let anyone in. Howard did his mom's voice talking to him about that. He said he thinks he convinced her not to have anyone in.
Howard said his dad is kind of out of it these days. He said he worries about getting his mail instead of the important things. Howard said he's probably getting the newspaper every day to. He said they have to stop that too. Robin said she's not having them brought into the house. Howard said he's sure they're getting it. He said they're goners.
Howard said his dad stares at the paper all day. He said one day he caught him reading it upside down.
Howard said his mother used to lecture him about this stuff. He said she does one thing a day. He said now she's doing 100 things a day with the quarantine.
Howard said his father had one love of his life. He said it was the NY Times. He said he read it every day. He did his impression of his dad talking about how great that paper is. He said the irony is that he'll probably be killed by reading the paper. He realized he has to call and tell his mom not to let him read the paper. He did impressions of his parents while he was talking about all of this. Howard said he's going to have to tell his mom to use the paper to wrap his dad up like he's a dead fish.
Howard said his mother tells him he's negative but he learned it from her. He said he has to tell them about the paper. He asked if he's a nagger. Robin said he is. Howard said how dare she calls him the N-word.
Howard said the woman who comes into their apartment gives his dad eye drops and medical things. He said he told his mom she's going to have to do it. She says she can't do it.
Howard said his mother still calls a computer ''a machine.'' He said he told her what they're doing about the show and he told her they all have machines for doing the show.
Howard said he's going to give his dad a sardine can to read instead of the paper. He said he had to get his dad to stop driving so he and Wayne Segal went over and sabotaged his car. He said they did that and his dad knew they did something to it. He said now they have to do the same with the paper. He said he feels like such a shit when he does that. Howard said he wishes his sister would do that for him. Howard said he hates being the adult. He said he wants to be the child. He never got to be the child.
Howard did more of his mother's voice talking to him about how he was in the service to her. He said he's tired of this and can't do it anymore. He said he doesn't want to nag his mother. He said he has to come up with something to get rid of the NY Times going to his father.
Howard told Robin about how he and Wayne came up with the idea to sabotage his dad's car. He said Wayne said he could pull the plug on something so they did that. He said his dad tried to start the car and it wouldn't start. He said they ended up towing the car away. He said they told his dad it would cost like 50 grand to fix it. He said his dad knows what they did.
Howard said he was thinking about how Trump's slogan was ''Make America Great Again'' but he wants to make one like ''Make America as great as South Korea'' because they've figured out how to handle this Coronavirus.
Howard talked about Bob Lefsetz and how he was saying that Andrew Cuomo is a leader and just because you're president doesn't mean you're a leader. He said women are going nuts for Andrew Cuomo.
Howard said he knows Donald Trump and he's an expert at rating women. He said navigating people through a pandemic isn't his thing. He said he's not into being an academic and figuring out systems to fix the country.
Robin talked about how Trump is taking credit for all of this stuff and other people are actually doing it and saying that it was Trump who told them to.
Howard said he sees that people are growing out their beards during this pandemic. He said that he was going to do it but Beth said no.
Gary said they're ready for Dr. Agus. Howard said after that he'll get to Jon Hein about his rap on the Coronavirus. He said he's all pissed off he can't go to Mexico.
Howard said he loves this guy Dr. Agus. He said he helped Robin out during her cancer battle. He said this guy really helped Robin out during that time. He said he called Dr. Agus and he was very kind to him and explained things to him. He said as far as he's concerned he's the reason Robin is sitting there today. Robin said she'll agree with that. Howard said he has to thank doctors who put their lives on the line for us.
Howard got Dr. Agus on the line and told him that Robin isn't quarantining herself. Robin said she is isolating herself. She said there is social distancing. Howard asked Dr. Agus what he thinks about that.
Howard told Dr. Agus that he's a brilliant man and he's jealous of that. He said he was reading about how to read a ruler the other day. He said that's how dumb he is.
Dr. Agus told Howard that Maurey Povich went to Montana to self quarantine. Howard said he probably has no chance of getting Coronavirus out there. Dr. Agus said that New York City is the epicenter of the virus right now. He said Montana will have less chance of getting it.
Dr. Agus talked about how this virus will spread but it will spread out over time. Howard said he has a lot of questions about this. He asked about this test where you hold your breath for 10 seconds. Dr. Agus said that's false.
Howard asked if people think they have Coronavirus when they don't. Dr. Agus said we're all worried. He said there are people who think they have it but don't.
Howard asked Dr. Agus about how he goes to work and doesn't worry. Dr. Agus said he walked by the cars in the parking lot and there were doctors who were afraid to go home to their families. He said they're sleeping in their cars because of this.
Howard said his mother's doctor is still working and doing surgeries. He said people like that are amazing. Dr. Agus said there are things you can take that help with different medications. He said if you have the flu you can take Tamiflu and it won't spread. He said there are drugs that appear to work with Coronavirus.
Howard said he understands that you should just take Tylenol if you're relatively healthy. He said this other stuff can have side effects. He asked how they know it's working. Dr. Agus explained how they showed it helped in China and South Korea. He said it can be a death sentence for certain people. He said they may have to use treatment like that for those people.
Dr. Agus talked about how we can slow the virus spread with social distancing. He said we have to do that to slow it down. Howard said there are people who are walking around with it and not caring. He said we have to do a lockdown. Dr. Agus said that people have to follow the rules. He said in China they did a full lockdown and they stopped the virus from spreading.
Howard said people are like ''screw you'' and doing their own thing and not caring. Robin said that's the American way.
Howard asked if this Silver Solution thing that Jim Bakker was talking about is bullshit. Dr. Agus said it is all bullshit. He said there is no secret pill to take or anything like that.
Howard asked Dr. Agus about how long it takes for Coronavirus to die on a surface. He said he has equipment coming today and he's letting it sit for 5 days. He asked if that will kill it. Dr. Agus said in general it can live for hours or more on surfaces. He said that doesn't mean it's infectious. He said it's spread by coughing and things like that. He said this virus is sensitive to alcohol and soap. He said the virus is dead if you use that around the area.
Howard asked about getting take out and if you can microwave it for 20 seconds and kill the virus. Dr. Agus said the best way to do it is to put the food on a plate and throw the bag and things out. He said you don't have to worry so much about eating food.
Howard asked about buying vegetables at the store. He asked if it lasts on there for up to 72 hours. Dr. Agus said that's false. He said just wash them and eat them and you'll be fine.
Howard asked if this is going to get worse before it gets better. Dr. Agus said it probably will. He said some people aren't having bad symptoms and they may be immune to it. He said soon they'll have a test that will show if people had it in the past and didn't have bad symptoms. Howard said it takes a week to get results now. Dr. Agus said they're working on self swab tests that will eventually come.
Howard asked if the government is springing into action or twiddling their thumbs. Dr. Agus said they tried to do it themselves at first but now they're going to these great companies to work on it. He said we can be a great team.
Howard asked Dr. Agus if he feels the bigger danger is the complete collapse of society. He said if it goes on for months and past the summer how can the economy survive. Dr. Agus said he's thinking 4-8 weeks for isolation. He doesn't think it'll go past the summer.
Dr. Agus said we're going to make a big impact on the disease and they will go on the offense. He said we've been on defense so far and America is good at the whole offense thing.
Dr. Agus said this is more worrisome because there is no vaccine or treatment like there is for the flu.
Howard said it sounds like the worst place to be is in a hospital. He said maybe you don't even have Coronavirus and if you go there you might make it worse. Dr. Agus said if you're young you should try to ride it out. He said don't go to the hospital unless you're elderly.
Howard asked if Dr. Agus thinks we can wait it out 6-8 weeks we might have drugs to combat it and then we can start going outside again. Dr. Agus said he wants to see people telling others to get back inside. He said we have to look out for others.
Howard said he wants his dad to stop reading the paper every day. He asked if the virus can come in on the paper. Dr. Agus said he doesn't think so. He said he could wear gloves or get an iPad. Howard said that won't happen.
Howard asked if Robin should stop having people in her house. Dr. Agus said he agrees with Howard on this. Robin said that she has someone cleaning her house and she's cleaning with bleach. Robin said she's only cleaning her house and no one else's. She said she knows what she's doing.
Howard asked if the temperature of water when washing your hands matters. Dr. Agus said no. Howard asked if you can catch it more than once. Dr. Agus said that's not known yet.
Howard asked if you should quarantine your mail. Dr. Agus said for Howard maybe that would work for him.
Howard asked if we should wear masks. Dr. Agus said if you do you should wear an N-95 mask. He said that will block droplets. He said you should wear one if you have the virus because it stops droplets from spreading.
Howard asked what to use to clean your hands. Dr. Agus said hand soap and Purell is good for hands and cleaning products on surfaces is best.
Dr. Agus talked about losing your sense of taste and smell is one of the symptoms of this virus.
Howard asked if he's concerned that his wife is keeping the house tidy for him. He said she's going to get run down.
Dr. Agus said that you can take Ibuprofin with this. He said the rumor that you can't take it is wrong.
Howard asked a lot of questions about drinking hot water and things like that. Dr. Agus said that's fine. He said if you do get it then get sleep but also walk around your house to get exercise. He also said it's okay to go out for a walk but keep your distance from people. He said 6-10 feet is a good distance.
Howard said Tom Hanks got this and then it downgraded. He said he's reading about B-list and C-listers who are getting it. He asked how Harvey Weinstein got it. Dr. Agus said it spreads a lot in confined spaces. He said that's what they're worried about.
Howard asked how they know what is good information. Dr. Agus said that's a good question. He said he talks about the crazy things going on out there. Dr. Agus said he is also talking to the White House and the government because they have to. He said we all have to step up and play our part. He said it makes him feel good about how we're doing things now. He said he thinks that we will have a kinder and gentler America because of this virus. Howard said hearing that he's in touch with the White House makes him feel better.
Howard and Dr. Agus talked about where the virus came from and how it spread. Howard asked why people are hoarding toilet paper too. Dr. Agus made a joke about it since no one really knows.
Robin asked if he's traveling at all now. Dr. Agus said he's stuck in his office but he can do interviews all over the world. He said he's not leaving the house. He said they have a lot of family time together and it's been great.
Howard said he went out for a walk the other day and saw construction workers working. He said that can't be right. Dr. Agus said we have to work together to stop this virus so they have to do it the right way. Howard said they weren't.
Howard talked about what he's doing to work out these days and said he's trying to stay active.
Howard asked if Dr. Agus were in charge right now what additional rules would he enact today. Dr. Agus said he would have rules to treat the hospital workers first and get really aggressive for the next couple of weeks. He said we need understanding and knowledge about this virus.
Howard asked if he thinks he could get through it if he gets Coronavirus. Dr. Agus said yes.
Howard said Dr. Agus is fantastic. He thanked him for taking his calls and helping out with this today. He said he doesn't know what's going to be but the world needs to keep Howard Stern alive. Dr. Agus said he loves Howard and Robin and he's glad they're doing fine. Howard wrapped up with Dr. Agus and thanked him for saving Robin's life. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said Dr. Agus took his cry baby call years ago about Robin. He said he felt hopeless and helpless about Robin back then. Robin said he sent her on a path to health.
Howard said they're going to have Alec Baldwin on tomorrow. He asked if Gary learned anything today. Gary said he did. He said he learned that you don't have to go nuts but be vigilant. Gary said he liked that he was very optimistic too. He said he was really freaking out yesterday when Howard said it would last 18 months.
Robin said she learned that Fred has a moustache. Fred said he's always had that. Fred did his Gary Puppet thing for a short time.
Beth came in and talked about how much she loved hearing Dr. Agus talking about how it's a perfect time to adopt a pet. She said that you can also foster. She said it's a great time for all of that. She said shelters are full and they need that right now.
Beth said she has a lot of cats there and she's exhausted from all of them and cleaning the house. Howard had her go through her schedule and talk about what she does during the day. Howard said it sounds like she has a busy day. He said he has to take a nap because he's exhausted too.
Howard said what he's going to do is take a break and urinate. He said he'll take a quick pee and play that Rage Against the Machine song. He played The Ghost of Tom Joad as he went to the bathroom.
Howard said Dr. Agus was great. He said he nailed it with calming people down. He said he has a lot of information.
Howard said he mentioned the toilet paper thing. He said he's not sure what's going on with that. He said he also noticed that they show the grocery stores that are empty but there are certain things that are always left behind. He said all of the gluten free crap is always left behind. He said everyone can eat regular food all of a sudden. He said Fig Jam is always left behind too.
Howard said he was also talking about the celebrities who have Coronavirus and how it's down to C-list celebrities. He said he didn't want to get too much into that. He said Andy Cohen has it. He said he thinks they were down to Placido Domingo. Robin said he wants to get it.
Howard said there were Neo-Nazi groups who wanted to weaponize this to give it to Jewish people. He said he's not sure if that's true. Robin said it was on a regular newscast so it might be.
Howard said he was thinking about what it was like to go to a restaurant. He said it's been 10 days since he went. Howard said he was impressed with Dr. Agus and what he was saying about being in touch with the White House. Robin said he's always been in touch with them. She said he's one of those guys they call.
Howard said he likes that they're seeing inside everyone's house with everyone broadcasting from home. Robin said she loves seeing that stuff. Howard said he asked the guys if they see anything weird in his house. He said they saw that he has his own Rolling Stone magazine cover in his office.
Howard said Ronnie had no problem going to Puerto Rico. He said he just went and didn't think twice about it.
Howard said Jon is getting most of his food from restaurants. He said he's very scared that he's going to die from Coronavirus because he has Diabetes. He said his wife is doing all of the errands for him because of that.
Howard said Jon is pissed off at people who have type 2 diabetes because that can be helped. He said Jon has type 1. Jon said that you can control type 2. He said it's more manageable. Jon said that he has no choice himself.
Howard said if Jon didn't have type 1 he's probably get type 2. He asked how much TV he's watching. Jon said he hasn't moved from his couch. He said it's been fantastic. Howard said that guy Walter Hudson was like that. Gary said they had to cut the wall to get that guy out of the house.
Howard talked about how Jon is pissed at people going out in groups. Jon said he sees it in the park near his house. He said it drives him nuts. He said the city is getting worse and worse and they heard Dr. Agus saying that you have to quarantine for 6-8 weeks and we'll get out of this.
Howard said he heard Jon is pissed at Trump too. Jon said he's tired of watching his speeches. He said you want to get behind him but he just can't. He said he likes that the states are handling it on their own.
Howard asked if he's eating a lot of fast food. Jon said he is eating some. He said he followed the protocol that Dr. Agus gave. He said he's eating more healthy lately.
Robin asked if Jon is moving around at all. Jon said he is. He said he has a huge ass but he does get up and walk the dog 3-4 times a day. He said that's his exercise. He said he's also getting the deliveries when they come.
Gary said he was on a video meeting and he saw Jon holding the box that his burger came in. Howard said he doesn't know about this. He asked if he gets up to shit. Jon said he does. He said that he'd love to have a Toto that he could sit on that was like a couch.
Howard said Jon doesn't drink but he's thinking about starting. Jon said he hasn't had a drink in 25 years but he's thinking about starting. He said he's doing okay now but they're getting on each other's nerves in the house. He said they have their own areas in the house now. He said when they have a meal or something they'll hang out. He said they all retreat to their own spaces after that.
Robin said Jon hates elevators but he has to take one in his building. Jon said it's tough. He said he will try to discourage people from getting on it with him. He said that's one of the toughest parts of his day.
Howard said Jon has a list of shows to watch while this quarantine is going on. He said the guys said that the list is what you'd expect from a middle aged white guy.
Howard went through the list of shows that Jon had on his list. He had shows like Breaking Bad and The Wire at the top of the list. They spent some time talking about that and then The Sopranos. Howard said Jon recommends Mad Men and he was never able to get into that show. They spent some time talking about that show.
Howard said Jon has Game of Thrones on there. He said he has Lost and he's angry at that show. He said the first season was fantastic. He said by the second season they had no ending and it was obvious. Howard said he watched The Stranger on Netflix and it's just like Lost. He said they're never going to resolve it. Robin said Heroes was the same way. Jon talked about Lost for a while. He said the pilot was great so just watch that and maybe the first season.
Howard ran down the list of shows Jon had. He said they have the list posted on their site. One of the shows was Schitt's Creek and Robin disagreed with that. She said she didn't like that show.
Jon said there are so many movies to watch out there too. He said someone complained that they had to pay 20 bucks but if you went to the theater you'd have to do the same thing.
Howard said he liked that movie Major League with Charlie Sheen. He said he should watch every old movie and watch them again.
Howard and Jon went through a few more shows and Howard said they should wind down now. He said he's getting his equipment installed today so he can be ready for next week.
Howard said Dr. Agus said Robin is not in quarantine. Robin said she's fine. She said the cleaning woman only comes once a week. Howard said he has to call his mom and tell her not to let his dad read the paper. Robin said just get him some gloves.
Howard said he's worn out from talking to his parents. He asked when it gets to be his life. He said he's taking care of them every minute and they don't listen. He said he's a selfish guy and he has enough trouble getting his own shit together.
Howard said he can't get over the fact that his mother quarantined herself her whole life and now she won't do it. He said it's like she wants to go on spring break now.
Howard said the worst part of Zoom is that he has to look at himself the whole time. He said he doesn't want to get off of it because he has to go talk to his mom now. He spent more time talking about what it's like trying to explain to her what this Coronavirus is all about.
Howard thanked everyone for doing the show. Howard said he wants to thank himself too. He said he has to thank himself. Howard had Fred do his puppet thing. He was doing his Gary puppet voice and said he has some great stuff there called Spray Noine. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 9:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how this is the last day of the show over Zoom. He said he has to hand it to them that it's great technology. Robin said they didn't have any glitches at all. Howard said he listened yesterday and it sounded pretty good. He said all things considered it sounded good.
Howard said today they'll answer if Alec Baldwin is the most miserable guy during this quarantine. He said taking care of a kid at his age has to be tough. He said they have 4 babies at home. He said they range from 1 to 7 years old. He asked where he hides out. He said he'd bet if he had any money, that he's the most miserable. He talked about how by the end of this thing no one will have money.
Howard said Alec must have a nanny. Gary said he's almost sure that they do. Howard said he has to. He said he's too old to take care of those babies.
Howard said the divorce rate is already at a high because of this Coronavirus. He said people are fighting and all of that. He said it's unbelievable. He said he hopes Alec is honest and starts crying. He said that would be great.
Howard said Meryl Streep's daughter filed for divorce on Monday. He said he was thinking about how he'd go berserk if he didn't have Beth with him there. He said Robin has people coming in to her house. He said he and Beth get along most of the time. He said he did annoy her with one minor thing. He said they did the show yesterday and Beth was cleaning the kitchen. He said he was ravenous and went down after the show and made a bagel with peanut butter. He said he cut it in half and Beth looked at him and complained that he got crumbs all over the stove. He said he took responsibility for it and said she should bring it up. He said she was okay with that. He said the old Howard would have went off on her about how he paid for all of this stuff. He said he was right.
Howard said he is husband of the year. Robin said not really. He said they're not getting on each other's nerves. Robin asked if Gary and Mary are doing well. Gary said they are. He said how about being like that for 20 years and see how it goes.
Howard said Beth has been working her ass off and she's going to snap. He said she has a huge house to clean and she's going to be ready to kill. He said she's exhausted. He said he doesn't want her to drop dead from a heart attack.
Howard said Coronavirus won't kill her. He said if she does die then he can't do the show. He said he needs her.
Howard said if she did die he'd never clean the sheets or shave. He said things would fall apart.
Gary said his wife gave him the bathrooms to clean. Howard said he cleans the gym area in their house. He said he had to do Peloton and after that he started wiping it down but gave up. He said he told Beth he cleaned the entire gym.
Howard said he has a mat down in the room and he doesn't have to vacuum it. Robin said it has to need dusting or something. Howard said Beth knows that there has to be something done but he doesn't do it.
Robin said she doesn't even know how to turn on the washing machine. She said she's an invalid in that way. Howard said she has to learn. He said she is very bright and she could learn.
Howard said all of the celebrities are broadcasting from home. He said he can't wait to have his equipment. He said Charlie was there until 9 last night setting up the equipment. He said he won't go down there for four days. He said Charlie didn't even eat while he was there. He said he didn't even use the bathroom. He said he had to pee in a bottle. Robin said that poor man.
Howard said he's watching all of these celebrities broadcasting from home and he can't stand it. He said it's sickening.
Robin asked if he saw Gal Gadot and others singing ''Imagine'' together. Howard said she's annoying. He said she really thinks she's Wonder Woman. He asked what Imagine has to do with anything. Gary said they got a lot of shit for that because they were singing about imagining no possessions.
Robin said some of these people are getting shit for broadcasting and complaining but they're in million dollar homes. Howard said they have no self awareness. He said he doesn't want someone being jealous of his couch so he keeps the video to a minimum when he's in his house. He said he was one of those guys who had no money when he started out. He said he knows how it can get.
Howard asked how people don't have the awareness. He said David Spade has it. He said he looks like he lives in a shithole but you know he doesn't. Howard said J-Lo is advertising that if there is an apocalypse that's the place to go.
Howard said his basement looks like a scene from that movie Jodi Foster was in. Robin said Silence of the Lambs. Howard said it will look like he's not doing that well there. He said you won't see him in his pool. He said Arnold was in his pool talking about Coronavirus. He said use your head and don't do that. He said it's just stupidity.
Howard said he likes stepdaughter porn. He said it would be disturbing if it was real but he likes those kind of pornos. He said this one he's watched has such a ridiculous story. He said the woman looks like she's 40 and the guy looks like he's on crack.
Howard told the plot of this movie he has seen and talked about how ridiculous the whole thing is. He said the woman is reaching up really high and the father tells her she can't do that. He said she's supposed to be 18 in the movie but she's not even close. He said her skin is like Tan Mom's skin. He talked more about what they do in this video. He said they move to the couch and start watching TV together. He said the girl talks about playing ''horsie'' on his lap so he puts her on his lap. He said she's in her panties and he's talking about how she's a good girl. Then she asks if he has the remote in his lap. He says that's not the remote.
Howard said he moves her panties to the side and takes out his wiener and she starts playing with it. Howard said he can buy into that but it gets worse. Howard said the mom comes home and she looks as old as the daughter. He said she sits down and the guy puts a pillow to block the horsie game and the mom has no idea what's going on.
Howard said that's the video he's watched 5 times. He said he has to fast forward it to see the end. He said he wonders what kind of mother she is.
Howard said he has been on social media lately and he sees that he gets ads on his Instagram but Beth doesn't. Robin said she does but Gary said he doesn't get any. No one knew why that was.
Hoar said he won't watch the news. He said he can't do that because he's a hypochondriac. He said the thing that he caught wind of was Trump saying that this will be over by Easter. Then an expert will get up and say it will get way worse. He said what's disturbing is that you don't know what reality he's living in. He said he doesn't believe in global warming and things like that and now it's this. Robin said they say that he's saying these things to make people feel better because he understands it in the briefings.
Howard said Andrew Cuomo is in command of what's going on there. Robin said the President said that if you've been to New York you need to be quarantined for 14 days.
Gary said Trump has the highest approval rating of his whole term and they think he's doing a great job. Howard said he hopes he has control of what's going on but from what he sees there's a group of these guys who are going around saying all kinds of weird shit. He said they want to get the economy going and they don't seem to care that people are dying.
Howard asked how Gary explains that he has his highest approval ratings. Gary said most of this is in Los Angeles, Chicago and New York and maybe people don't see what's happening there or don't care.
Howard said Glenn Beck said he'd rather die than kill the country. He said we'll see what happens when he gets it. Howard said one kid went on Tik Tok and said fuck the Coronavirus and licked a toilet. Now he has Coronavirus.
Robin said there's an athlete that's in an induced coma because he has Coronavirus. She said that it can kill anyone and that's what they're saying now. Howard said it's just so depressing. Robin said she wasn't able to sleep last night. She said you can't quarantine everyone who comes out of New York.
Howard said he put on American Idol and he had a couple of episodes to watch. He said these hosts are driving him nuts. He said they have Katy Perry, Lionel Richie and this Luke guy. He said Luke is like Heidi Klum. He said he's never heard of Luke Bryant. He said he thinks the contestants are better than that guy. He said Heidi didn't have any reason to be on that show other than the fact that she was a model. He said she didn't understand any of the comedians on the show.
Howard said he gets PTSD watching American Idol. He said Lionel has to wedge his way into the show with Katy doing her shtick. He said Lionel does things he shouldn't be doing because of her. He said he has to make himself a part of what he's doing. He said it reminds him of what Howie would do on America's Got Talent.
Howard said he hates the show but loves it. He said Katy Perry is out of her mind. He said he's still not sure why Luke Bryant is on the show.
Robin said she saw a show where this girl didn't do well but Luke still said she had a good voice.
Howard said he saw that Prince Charles has Coronavirus. He said Jackson Browne has it too. Robin said Prince Albert has it too. she said that's where Prince Charles got it. Howard said they say that you shouldn't be rimming because eating ass can give you Coronavirus. Gary said the department of health put that out. Robin said she missed that one. Howard said if you're still eating ass at this point you're just going to die.
Howard said it would be funny if Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson said they got it from rimming. He said it would be funny if they put out a statement about that.
Howard talked to Ronnie Puppet about eating ass for a short time. Howard said people who are into that probably don't read the warnings from the government.
Howard said Ronnie has a sex tip for an alternative for rimming. He got Ronnie on Zoom and asked how he's doing. Ronnie said he's good. Howard said he heard that Stephanie is so exhausted from working that they haven't had sex in a couple of days. Ronnie said that's true. He said he isn't jerking off though. Howard asked if he's sulking over that. Ronnie said he's not. He said she's working like 12 hour days. He said she comes home and he has dinner ready. Howard asked if he's still rubbing his dick into her ass. Ronnie said they will do that. He said she will let him know when it's okay to do that. He said he's not pressing the issue. He said they'll have it but he's not pushing for it.
Howard asked if he's afraid of blowing her head off with his load. He asked how many days he can take it. Ronnie said she'll be off this weekend so they'll have it one day soon.
Gary asked if she's tired this weekend what will he do. Ronnie said she'll do something no matter what. He said that's the way it always happens. He said she's into it.
Howard asked what his sex tip is for this rimming thing. Howard asked if he does that. Ronnie said that's a special treat. He said they haven't done that lately. Robin asked if he'd stop her if she started to do it. Ronnie said hell no.
Howard asked if he went and got a hair cut. Ronnie said he did on Saturday. He said the guy had gloves and masks and shit on. Howard asked what's wrong with him. He said he heard he went shopping and to the bank. He said he gets that but a fucking hair cut? He asked if it's that important. Ronnie said he just wanted to get it done.
Howard asked if he goes to a barber shop or a salon. Ronnie said he goes to a barber shop. He said they don't wash your hair and shit there. He said it's quicker.
Ronnie said his guy is a wheeler dealer kind of guy who always has a guy to get him watches, jeans and stuff. Howard asked what he charges. Ronnie said 20 bucks.
Howard asked if he gets paranoid about getting Coronavirus. Ronnie said he tries not to think like that. Robin said he went on a vacation and didn't worry about a thing. Ronnie said he talked to Howard about it before he went and he thought it was fine. Howard said he did tell him to go but he's locked up in a bunker. He asked why he'd listen to him.
Howard said when they told him Ronnie went to the barber shop he rolled his eyes. He said a lot of the guys rolled their eyes. Ronnie said it was fine. He said they waited outside until they had to go in. He said they went in and in 10 minutes they were out. Howard said his obit is going to be that he was killed by a hair cut.
Howard asked if the guy washed his hands before he cut his hair. Ronnie said he had gloves on. He said he was the first appointment.
Ronnie mentioned he was in a bagel shop. Gary asked if there were other people in there. Ronnie said there were 2. He said he has to go shopping. Gary said they go minimally. He said Ronnie didn't need bagels. Ronnie said he had to go shopping and Gary goes. Howard said you take the risk because you have to. He said you don't have to go to the bagel shop.
Howard asked what Ronnie's sex tip is. Ronnie said it's very simple. He said you and your partner can go into the shower and it can be one guy and a girl or two guys or whatever. He said you can lean against the wall or sit down on a seat. He said one person soaps up good and then the other person stands against the other wall. He said you start to jerk off and then you shoot your load on her and she shoots her load wherever.
Howard thanked him for the tip. He said Robin isn't talking because she's vomiting now. Howard said he thinks it's like a press conference with this. He said he's so serious about it. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Ronnie talking about that stuff.
Howard said he thinks they should be talking about quarantine. He said they have to hear what Alec is up to. Alec said they could do this from their homes. He said that they have all done a backdrop but Ronnie has a Swiffer against the wall and made no attempt at it.
Howard said he brought up Alec's name the other day and figured he was miserable being home during this quarantine. He said he doesn't look miserable. Howard said he has 4 kids and his kids are no older than 7. Howard asked how he is doing. Alec said there is no time for masturbating. He said that's the one negative.
Alec said they are on the clock from the time the kids get up until they go to bed. He said once the virus killed their traveling. He said they were going to go skiing but they weren't able to do that. He said they start school next week but that's home schooling. He said there's no time to think.
Howard asked how he's holding up. Alec said they're doing well. Howard asked if he has someone cleaning the house. Alec said they do have their cleaning people and they're quarantined. He said they don't have people visiting them. He said if someone new comes in then you start the 2 week quarantine over again. Howard said Alec is not quarantined. He said he's like Robin. He said he and Robin are insane. Howard said Robin has a cleaning woman coming in and that's not quarantine.
Howard asked what Alec makes of these people who aren't quarantining. He asked him to make a statement. Alec said he did a recording for Cuomo. He said the idea is to listen to the scientists. He said when they say that you have to quarantine for 14 days and they can end this then you have to listen. He said Trump said that the economy could crash down because of this. He said that's right. He said he wants people to do the right thing for public safety. Howard asked about the mentality of people who don't quarantine themselves. Alec said you have to alienate those people. He said he has a friend who is down in Palm Beach and saying things are fine. He said he can't see that person until they do quarantine. He said those people are outcasts.
Alec said we have to get back to a normal life and you have to quarantine. He said you take things for granted until something like this happens. He said he lives in New York and he loves being able to walk around and he's missing that right now. He said 14 days or two months of missing that is okay if they can end this. He said if they don't adhere to this quarantine then the economy is going to hit the iceberg and sink.
Howard said here are people who refuse to listen to the quarantine and keep going out even when they're sick.
Alec said he's worried about the not for profit organizations. He said some are going to perish. He said that he has to think about who he's going to help if the economy does crash. He said he's thinking about who in his family and friends he will have to help. He said we can't help everyone. Howard asked if he thinks this will go on for months and months. Alec said no. He said if you don't quarantine they're going to lock you up. He said they're asking people to stay home and that's what they have to do. He said he's out on Long Island and they have designated people to go out and get their supplies. He said there are people who are in trouble.
Howard asked if he's talking to his brother Stephen. Alec said some of his brothers scare off the virus. He said the virus is so repulsed by his brothers that they'll be fine.
Howard asked Alec about freeing a bear. Alec said the governor of Pennsylvania released a bear that was being held in a concrete box for people to look at. He said the governor forced them to release the bear. He said there are things like that all over the country. Howard said he's very impressed that he saved the bear. Howard asked if he had to put up money for that. Alec said he didn't have to do that. He said the governor released the bear.
Howard asked if he had to put up money for his brother Stephen or a bear which one would he give to. Alec said Stephen should be a roadside attraction.
Alec asked Howard where he's broadcasting from. Howard told him his plans and what he's doing right now.
Howard asked if he has a room to hide in when this chaos is going on. Alec said he used to have a nice house but now it's like the whole house is a pre-school. He told Howard what they do during the day with the kids. Howard said he's lost it already hearing this routine.
Alec said they were hiking yesterday and they were talking about the movie Cars and what a great guy Paul Newman was. He said his son heard he was very old and died and his son said ''well you're very old and you're not dead.'' He said it's a barrel of fun there.
Alec had his wife Hilaria get on the broadcast with him. Howard asked her some questions and found out Alec is helping out around the house. She said that he does great at cleaning. She said she does the cooking and he'll do the cleaning. She said that he'll tell her she doesn't do things right and he'll do it.
Howard said he has had to change his life and he has volunteered to do things around the house. He said he wanted to clean half the house but Beth said no. He said she's just going to do it. He said she's exhausted but she won't let him do anything.
Howard asked Hilaria about sex and if he's getting as much as before. Hilaria said it's a timing thing. She said he does dishes but it's not the same when he does it. Alec said he'll ask for sex if he does something to help.
Alec said he and his friend will talk to each other but he sits in his car and his friend stands on his porch. He said he thinks they're doing things the right way.
Howard asked if Hilaria is still doing her Yoga videos. She said it's tough right now but she's trying.
Alec did his Trump impression for Howard for a short time. He had Trump talking about how some people are going to die but as long as he doesn't die and his republican contributors don't die then they should get back to work. He gave himself a 10 out of 10 for the job he's doing. He said he and his friends will do great through this whole thing.
Howard asked Alec about being sober and if he is tempted to drink again. Alec said he doesn't have that thought. He said he's been doing it so long he doesn't think about it. He said some people are struggling and they have to get through this. He said the loss of meetings is very painful for some people. He said it's going to tough for them. He said there is no judgment in those meetings. He said there are a lot of things people will be missing out on like people who are in Physical Therapy.
Howard had Alec do more of his Trump impression. Alec talked about doing the Jimmy Fallon show and they're going to try to make programming like this. Howard said they're kind of scrambling with the show so he knows what that's like. He said it is fun to see people's houses.
Hilaria showed that Alec is sitting on the toilet in reverse so he can do this broadcast. Alec said he's on the toilet in reverse cowboy so he has good lighting. He said Gary told him to do that. He said he heard that Kimmel looked like a vampire with his lighting. Howard asked if he has moved his bowels during this broadcast. Alec said that would be an art to be able to do that. He said listen back to this and you might hear him grunt. He did an impression of that.
Howard said he sees this thing going through the summer and it being a disaster. Robin said that's the end of us then. Alec said he doesn't see it going through the summer. He said he thinks we'll have heavy enforcement and they'll get people to do what they want them to. Alec said he thinks during April and May they'll put this into hyper drive and get things settled down so by July-August things will start to get back to normal.
Alec did his impression of Ronnie a bit. Howard asked if they're going to suspend the election. Alec said he doesn't think so. He said many things are going to be canceled or suspended.
Howard asked if he thinks Cuomo is doing a great job. Alec had some thoughts on that. He said leadership means you have to convince someone to do something that they don't want to do. He said Cuomo has done an exemplary job.
Alec spent a little time talking about William Barr and the money that Trump wants to inject into the country to keep it going but no one knows where that money is going to come from.
Alec and Hilaria talked about what they're doing with their kids and how they're keeping them calm during this whole thing. Hilaria said they stay calm as long as they don't appear to be stressed out by it.
Howard said he's impressed with Alec and Hilaria. He said his mother would have told him they were going to die. Robin said her mother would have been like her hair was on fire. Gary said his mother would have been freaking out too.
Howard said his mother doesn't want to be inconvenienced by this at all. He said she doesn't want to be bothered when he calls her about it.
Alec said they have to go take care of their kids. Robin said Alec was a great host when he took over for Ellen. Howard let them go a short time later.
Hard said they were in pretty good spirits. He said he thought Alec would have a gun to his head. He said he's a great guest and a great guy. Robin said he's very wise. She said she wonders about the relationship with the brothers though.
Howard said he put a wooden bowl in the microwave. He said his fork hit something that wasn't microwaved so he had to re-microwave his food again. He said he's going to have a nervous breakdown from this. Howard said meanwhile Ronnie is at the barber shop. He said he's not sure he will ever leave his house after this.
Howard said he has some email to get to. He said someone asked if he's worried about his calories during this whole thing. Howard said he is but they're not wasting food. He said he's freezing anything left over. He said he has 5 HazMat suits and he will wear one if he has to go out somewhere. He said if Beth gets sick and he has to take her to the hospital he'll go in the suit.
Howard said he has 2 ''go bags'' ready to go in an apocalypse. Robin said she has no interest in rebuilding the world so she's not going to do anything like that. Howard said he's getting some military type food that he can store. He said he's prepared like High Register Seany.
Gary asked if Jimmy Kimmel got it and got over it, would he see him in 6 months or would that be in his head. Howard said he'll see him over Zoom. Howard said if Gary gets it he's only doing the show over Zoom. He said he's not sure what he would do if he got it. He said he's frightened by everyone. Robin said David Bryan from Bon Jovi got it.
Robin asked if he's doing therapy by phone. Howard said he is. He said his therapist gets him talking even when he thinks there's nothing to talk about other than Coronavirus.
Howard said he had his assistant to talk to his mother's helper to get them to use gloves when they read the NY Times. He said he's not sure if they're listening. He said his mother doesn't want to talk to him. He said he's tired of calling and getting yelled at.
Howard said someone asked who is more frightened, him or Beth. Howard said Beth is completely freaked out by it. He said she's way more freaked out than he is.
Robin said she was thinking about what Beth said on Monday. She said if Howard gets it he's not going to be able to take it. Robin said they talk about great pain and headaches. She said they're on a level of migraines. Howard made her stop talking about it. He said she just said headache and he got a headache.
Howard said someone asked if they have reached out to anyone they haven't talked to in a while. Howard said he hasn't rally. He said he reached out to people he talks to regularly. Fred said he reached out to someone he hasn't spoken to in a really long time.
Robin said she reached out to Denise Oliver and people like that. Howard said he thought he'd be having fun during the quarantine but he's not. He said he doesn't have time to paint.
Howard said every day is the same conversation. He said you talk to people and it's the same thing over and over.
Robin said she's having a virtual cocktail party with Fred's wife tonight. Howard said good because Fred won't talk to his wife. He said that someone told him to have Beth talk to other women. He said she's actually doing that already. He said he joked that he won't tell her that and interrupt her cleaning. Howard said he was thinking about Robin and how she's going to go mental being alone. Robin said she has been through this already. She said she had to quarantine when she was on Chemo.
Howard said he is the worst at talking on the phone. He said he has to keep Robin alive and he gets frustrated. He said he has shit to do. He said he worries with Robin being alone. Robin said she's not that alone. She said she has dear friends who are in touch.
Fred did his Ronnie Puppet thing and had him talking about having a virtual sex party in the shower tonight.
Howard said someone asked what it will take to get him back to SiriusXM. Howard said he doesn't think he's going back this year. He said this is going to go on a long time.
Howard said someone asked why he chose Long Island and not Florida. Howard said they have the cats and all of that. He said it's just better to be there. Gary said Florida isn't doing what they're doing up there. He said they have big problems.
Howard said he bets Gary is doing virtual parties and stuff. Gary said he is talking to his friends. He said he might be talking to the guys at work more now than when they were at work. Howard said they get on at 6 in the morning and as soon as he turns on the computer he hears Gary talking to the guys.
Howard said they'll talk more on Monday. He said he wants to end the show. He said he has to thank Alec Baldwin for calling in. He said they'll talk to the audience next week. Robin said she's been thinking about the Wack Pack. Howard said he has a preview of that. He took a fake call from Jeff the Drunk and Fred did his impression of what his call will be like. Howard said Bobo must be freaking out. Fred did his impression of Bobo talking about what it's been like for him.
Howard said High Pitch Erik has been posting messages of hope on Instagram. Gary said he's been doing a lot of that and he was talking to his home health care worker who was in his apartment. Howard said he's not quarantining. He said that's why we're doomed. Howard said on Monday they'll check in with the Wack Pack. He said that's all they'll do on Monday. He said they have to home school the Wack Pack.
Howard said he'll get Shuli on Monday to talk about Tan Mom's producer Adam Barta. He said he hears that he will only charge $1 for his Cameo appearances. Gary said that was a short period of time. He said it was just a couple of hours. Howard said he's shocked that anyone would even ask him for one of those videos.
Fred did his Bobo Puppet character and Howard talked to him for a short time. Howard thanked him for that. He said hopefully they'll be able to check in with everyone on Monday. Robin said they have to find out how Underdog lady is doing. Howard said Shuli better have a package for him by then. He said they may have some bumps in the road on Monday but they'll deal with it. Howard said his voice is going out so he's going to end the show. He said he has to pee. Howard said this is the weirdest thing he's ever had to deal with in his life. Robin said it is very weird because it's like they're living in the 1800s or something. Howard wasn't sure how to sign off but Ronnie puppet came up with ''I'm gonna cum!'' so he went with that. Howard ended the show around 9:25am.
Today's show was over around 10:05am.