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Howard was back from his week long vacation this morning. He started the show talking about how they're back after their vacation and it was nice. He said he's in a crappy mood because he slept like a baby during vacation but then he was up at 2 in the morning last night. He said he can't continue on anymore. He said he has this book coming out and then he should just leave. He said he's so cranky. Robin said she was thinking that he gave her a Luke warm greeting. Howard said he's in a bad mood. He said he was glad to see her but he didn't show it. He said his psychiatrist says the same thing. He said he's not sure what to do.
Howard said he'll snap out of it by hour 3 or so. He said he's not drinking coffee anymore. He said he doesn't have that stimuli anymore.
Howard said he was sent this TV show called The Warrior. He said it's on Showtime. He said he's all caught up in that. He said he was watching that show on Showtime that he liked. Robin was trying to figure out what it was. Jason said it was Banshee. Howard said that's it. He said The Warrior is a Chinese dude and the story was written by Bruce Lee. Robin said she heard he wrote stuff like that. Howard said this guy has super powers like Superman but with Karate. He said he beats people up with his feet. He said there's a lot of fucking in it. He said it's R-rated kind of sex. He said they have titties and simulated fucking and all of that. He said he likes simulated fucking.
Howard said he was up last night watching the show. He said here are only 8 episodes and he's up to 7. He said he loves kung fu. He said he should have studied it. He said that he can't even sleep on his side anymore. He said some guy died close to his age and someone told him about that. He said that's why he wrote Howard Stern Comes Again. He said that people asked if he doesn't already have enough money. Howard said this is how he gets his information out. He said it's already number 1 on Amazon. He said the book comes out on May 14th. He said he was on the phone the whole vacation figuring out the plan for publicity. He said he's being a real pain in the ass about it.
Howard said he has to figure out what morning show to do. He said he's very honored that almost every show wants him on. He said Today and Good Morning America want him. He said CBS does too. He said he's doing CBS Sunday Morning. He said he can't do that much stuff though. He said he's not 14 anymore.
Howard said he's on the phone with these guys and it comes down to George Stephanopoulos saying he wants to interview him for Good Morning America. He said they want him to commit to one or the other first. He said he'll do both.
Howard said the late night shows are even worse. He said they all want him. He said he told Kimmel he's not going out to see him. He said he felt horrible about that. He said he's just not going to California. He said maybe he'll go out there in the fall. He said he's not sure what to do. Robin said don't feel bad for making a decision.
Howard said he loves Fallon and Colbert and he doesn't want to insult anyone. He said he's going to flip a coin about which show to do. He said he's going to do that right now. He said he loves both of those guys. Howard said heads is Jimmy and tails is Colbert. Howard said he's flipping right now. Howard said he loves both Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert. He said he loves Kimmel too. He flipped the coin and it came out as tails so he's doing Colbert first. He said he'll do Fallon later and do a skit on the show.
Howard said Kimmel told him he should forget about all of them and just sit down with disgraced journalists. He said that's a great idea.
Howard got sidetracked and gave Fred his coin back. He said he's doing this publicity to get the word out about the book. He said that no one has guessed who his favorite interview of all time is. He said he put his dedication at the end of the book. He said he doesn't want to give spoilers.
Howard said he wanted to talk about this Olivia Jade. He said this mother Lori Loughlin really ruined this kid. He said that father did too. He said the two of them are such assholes. He said he heard Olivia Jade is upset with her parents over this. He said she didn't want to go to college. He said you'd ask your kid what you want to do then. He said she was raking in between a million and two a year doing the blog. Robin said she had a new line with Sephora. She said it sold out immediately and then they dropped her over this.
Howard said he was watching this vlog of her's and she does all kinds of lessons on makeup and she does fashion shows and stuff. He said he's mesmerized by this girl. He said she's doing stuff where she shows what she got for Christmas and stuff. He said she got a Christmas gift from her tutor. He wondered why that happens. He said it's supposed to be the other way around.
Howard said this kid has such a charmed life. He said just watch her videos. He said he's an expert on her now. He said on her first day of college Amazon sent her everything for her dorm room. He said she goes through everything in the room. He said it's courtesy of Amazon. He said they just sent her this shit. He said she's getting all kinds of free stuff.
Howard played some audio of Olivia Jade talking about the stuff she got for free from Amazon. He said she went to Tahiti the first week of school and she was having such a charmed life. Robin said she was on a yacht and it was owned by a member of the board of trust for USC at one point. Howard said she had a business empire and her parents fucked it all up. Robin said she could be teaching school.
Howard said her parents blew the whole deal. He said she was making 1-2 million a year and they blew it. Howard said he's jealous of her. He said he's not sure she's had a bad day in her life. He said he wishes he didn't wake up miserable every morning. He said he's not sure why they forced her to go to college. He said she had something good going.
Howard said he doesn't even know what to say. He said he's so angry over this. He said he hopes that Olivia Jade somehow forces her way through this and gets back to her vlog. Robins said you know she knows what her parents did. Howard said of course she did. He said she even said she's an idiot. Robin said she had to know what they did with the pictures and all of that. She knew they were faking it all for her. Howard asked if she can divorce her parents. Robin said if you let your parents do that you can't just blame them.
Howard said this kid was so successful that she had an assistant at school. He played a clip of her talking about the assistant. Howard said she had an assistant! He said she had it all going on. He said she's working it. Robin asked what she was going to major in. Howard said she was a communications major. He said she already wrote the book on communications. He said she knew what to do. Howard said she had 2 million viewers. She already knew what to do. Robin said that's why she said she could have been teaching.
Howard said check her out. He said it's fascinating. Howard said it's super. He said there's nothing better than a woman trying on clothes. He said he loves that. He said he's still pretty sexed up. He said he tapes Fallon, Kimmel and Colbert. He said the only interviews he watches are the hot chicks. Robin said this is a sad thing for him. She said he could be getting important information but this is what he's doing. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said he watched Mandy Moore because she adopted one of Beth's kittens. He said she was doing an interview and he liked that. He said that someone in Vegas had a cat and Mandy ended up adopting it.
Howard said they're going through a thing now with a cat who is blind and has cancer. He said someone just threw her out. He said they're trying to save her.
Howard said this is his life. He said he watches Olivia Jade for like 4 hours. He said he stopped painting to watch her. Howard said JD is a fan of her's too. JD said he didn't want to be but she's entertaining. He said he's not into that kind of thing but she looks good and she knows how to edit the videos.
Howard said he likes her try on day. JD said he likes going through a day in her life. Howard said she has cool friends and it's like everything they weren't. Howard said she's like the belle of the ball. Howard said he hated himself for liking it. JD said he's trying to have a better attitude over things like that.
Howard said Beth would come in and ask what he was doing. He said she'd always catch him watching Olivia Jade. He said she's much more likeable than the Kardashians. JD said she's self aware about certain things. He said it's endearing in a way. Howard said she opens her gifts and says she's embarrassed by it. Howard said Olivia seems like a sweet kid and she didn't know the right word to say for Sarong and she had to go ask her mom. He said he liked that. He said they have to get that back up.
Howard said all of her sponsors left her so maybe she can't do the vlog anymore. Robin said when you are part of the cheating should you really be able to get more sponsors. Howard said maybe not. He said he might have to put her on Howard 101. Robin said she could probably do very well there. She said she's pretty sure she knew her parents were fudging all of that. JD said she was just going along with it. Robin said that's not the right thing to do. Howard said she did beg them not to go to college. Robin said she could have gotten into a community college. Howard said she might not have been able to do that.
Howard said she had 10 minutes to get to class on time and she ended up being late to class. Howard played a clip of her vlogging about that.
Robin said that Kathie Lee and Hoda were talking about her and said that they hope Lori turns off her social media so she doesn't have to see all of this. She said she found that odd. Howard said that's Kathie Lee.
Howard said it's hard to get motivated to go back to school after all of this. Howard said he has a good clip of her talking about not vlogging at her class so she did some fashion week stuff instead. Robin asked how long she stays in class. Howard said they have to figure that out from these videos.
Howard played a clip of Olivia Jade talking about why she goes to college but doesn't film the classes. She said she thinks that would be boring to show that. She said she focuses on the friends and stuff like that. She said that she has a call with Treseme so she had to go do that.
Howard said she's super hot. He said she's living the hot chick life. Robin said that should be useful. Howard said she's majoring in friends and minoring in parties. Robin said she should have been given credit for that.
Howard said in one video she used a Sarong to use to cover herself up and then as a scarf. He said she knows how to do both. He said he's fascinated by that. Robin said a lot of people don't know how to tie a scarf. Howard said he had to take a class on that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if this angers him because he had to work his ass off to get where he is. Howard said of course it does. Howard said she wouldn't have looked at him for 10 seconds in school. Howard said of course this stuff bothers him. He said everything bothers him.
Howard said this kid had a business going. He said she wasn't hurting anyone. He said her parents had to fuck it all up. Robin said the Kardashians didn't waste their time with college. Howard said they didn't need to. Howard said Lori Loughlin is such a phony. He said she's on some show being interviewed and her daughter is sitting there. He said she's talking about being a mom and saying she never pressured her children to do things and always gave them time to play and discover their imagination. He said she was on Full House and she now thinks she knows all about child psychology. He said fuck you. Robin said she talked a lot about her kids going to school and things like that.
Howard said John Stamos made an appearance in one of her videos. He said she had one of her cool friends there with Stamos too. He said you can tell Stamos was totally annoyed with her male friend. He said she even had game shows going on there.
Howard said Felicity Huffman's kids aren't getting any attention. Gary said they had a piece on her being on Desperate Housewives and they must have made an intern go back to find her asking someone of they were looking for a bribe on the show.
Howard said while he was working on his book promotion stuff he was busy with Olivia Jade's vlog.
Howard went into his agent voice and talked about Emilia Clarke. He said the same agent represents her and Millie Bobby Brown. He did that impression for a minute talking about how great this mystery illness is for her career.
Howard read the article about Emilia and how she had this really bad headache. She said that she had to get down into a plank position and she felt a bad headache. She pushed through the pain to work out. Howard said these guys push you so hard that you have that happen. Howard said they did an MRI and found a Subarachnoid hemorrhage. Howard had some trouble getting that out. Howard went back into his agent voice talking about that.
Howard asked if that was good for the caller. The caller said that made his day. Howard got back to the article about Clarke and read more about what she went through with the brain surgery and all of that. He said she was only 24 years old when that happened. Robin said everything was just coming together for her.
Howard did his agent voice talking about how they had it made and then this happened. He said she was just 24 years old. He said he thought he was going to have a hot Rosemary Kennedy or something. He spent a couple of minutes doing the impression for Robin. He was talking about how awful it would have been if she had ended up like that. The Agent said that he had to protect his investment there. He was going on and on about how he had to give the doctors a pep talk about how men are supposed to drool over her and not the other way around.
Robins said they had to do the second operation twice. The Agent said she pulled through it all. He said her whole skull is titanium. He said this is what he has to do. He said he made sure that the helmet was on the inside. He said he had to protect his investment like that. He didn't know what kind of condition she was going to be in. He said she could have been finger painting with her own menstrual blood for all he knows.
Robin said the Enquirer had the story 6 weeks after but they denied it. The Agent said that they had to protect her privacy. He said she he told the doctors that if they messed up he'd be living off 15 percent of a Walmart greeter's salary. He said that he was afraid he was going to be representing a turnip with tits. Robin said she's glad he let them in on what's going on behind the scenes. Robin asked if she had trouble remembering her lines. The Agent said he was thinking they had a Zucchini with jugs. He said he's laughing now but he was crying then. He said thank god Emilia is doing alright now. Robin said she says she's 100 percent now. The Agent said that when she first came out of it she thought the bedpan was a sandwich.
Robin asked if there are any strange behaviors there. The Agent said there aren't. He said she's fine now. He said they're going to have a great season of Game of Thrones. He said it was touch and go there for a while. He said her tits are perky as ever too.
The fake Agent said she had a rapid recovery. He said the doctors know what they're doing. He said she's a terrific gal. Robin said she remembers him saying that Millie is a terrific kid too. The Agent said she is. He said they're going to go long term with her. He said they want to get her into a teen kind of movie next. He said they thought they were going to have to dump Emilia after this brain thing. He said you just stop taking their calls. He said he was thinking he was going to be representing Beetlejuice now. He said you don't know how it's going to end up.
The Agent said that Emilia was dating a bowling ball there for awhile after the aneurysm. Robin said Game of Thrones is ending. The Agent said he knows that. He said she's going to have a good career. He said if she doesn't he'll just dump her. He said he's just kidding.
The Agent said that he went to see her in the hospital and it was like 2 hours after the operation. He said she was coming her hair with a slice of pizza. He said he thought she was really messed up. He said he walked in with Peter Dinklage. He said he has an agent who he's worked with a long time so he can't represent him. He said Khaleesi turned to him and thought he was a table lamp and tried to turn on his light.
The Agent said he brought her a bouquet of flowers and he just took them from another patient. The Agent said he has to go because he has a television interview to do.
Howard came out of the agent impression and said that's a cold hearted guy. He said he has to take a break. He said he'll come back and do something. He said that guy called in asking him to do the voice. He said sure he'll do that. He asked if there are any other requests. He said he'll come back and play a Howard Stern Comes Again phony phone call. He said he had a thought to make calls using that book name and Richard and Sal came up with a winner. They went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Maine. Howard said he wants to go up there to paint. He said he's heard about people who do that up there. Robin said there was something called a bloom bomb that happened out in the west. She said he should go out there.
The caller asked if he watched the biopic about Motley Crue. Howard said he actually did. He said he mentioned it. He said it's called The Dirt and it's good. He said he's not really into the band but the movie was good. He said he liked it. He said he watched the whole thing all the way through. The caller said he thought it was pretty good too. He said it represented the era pretty well. Robin said she'll have to check it out. Howard said it's a fun movie. He said it's just frivolous.
Howard said Richard loved it too. Gary said there's some backlash against the movie. He said that's what it was back then and people are upset with the way they show the sex happening. Howard said Van Halen had a fuck room under the stage. Richard came in and said he loved the movie. He said he knew at the beginning that it was going to be great when the woman squirted across the room. He said the guy who plays Tommy Lee was really good.
Howard said he has to congratulate Sal and Richard on this phony phone call they made to promote the book (Howard Stern Comes Again). Richard said they kept promoting the book the rest of their show. Howard said Sal calls in doing his impression of him. He said it hardly matters if he sounds like him or not. He said they're all excited about it and they listen to his plugs. Howard said Sal reads them a part of the book that doesn't really exist. Howard said he mentions Ralph from the book.
Howard played the call that the guys made. They had Richard call into the show and he mentions Howard has a book coming out. He said Howard is there next to him so he put him on the phone. Sal did his impression of Howard and read an exclusive excerpt from the book. It was a sexual encounter with Ralph that he was reading. The hosts hung with it even though it was very graphic. They let Howard go and the hosts plugged the book after he got off the line.
Robin said they are crazy. Howard said they are promoting. Robin said the guy says he's a big fan but he doesn't know that's not really him. Howard said that's a steamy passage from the book. He said that's an actual passage from the book. Robin said he didn't even question that he came out of the closet with that.
Howard congratulated Sal and Richard on that. Howard asked where that airs. Richard said it's on the internet. He said they did have ads on the show. Howard let Richard go after that. He forgot his name. He said thanks to the show for the plugs.
Robin said it seemed like some of the women were getting turned on by it. Howard said he's not sure if they were turned on or annoyed. He went to break after that.
Howard said the guy isn't that well known. He said it's weird. He said he can sing and play guitar. It's pretty awesome.
Howard asked if Fred loves that. Fred said he has that on his own iPod. Robin said that's something to get into Fred's iPod. She said it's amazing he has an iPod. Fred said he actually has it on his phone. He said he just calls it an iPod. He said he has it on so many devices he can't keep track. Howard said he has so many devices that nothing works. He said he has a whole network of stuff and nothing ever works. He said his I.T. guys are constantly working on stuff for him. He said he ash to simplify and get his shit together.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's great to be able to talk to a Hollywood elite like him. He said he's rubbing himself thinking about Robin too. The caller said they have to talk about Ronnie's movie. Howard said he ran across an old Kurt Angle video where he came on to Robin. Robin said she had forgotten about that. She said he was crazy though. Howard said it was so cute. He said he read her a poem. Robin said women don't like that unless you're a poet.
The caller said that he watched ''The Week Of'' and he fast forwarded to Ronnie's part. He said you can see Ronnie talking to himself in that scene. Howard hung up on him and said he's not sure where he's going with that.
Howard asked if he should pick up on Mariann. He asked her to speak in a normal voice. Mariann said she's been on the show for almost 20 years and a listener for 27. She said that dreams do come true. She said that they played her first time in the studio last week. Mariann asked Howard to talk about the book and some of the stuff about the interviews. Howard said he doesn't want to give away too many details. He said it's in pre-sale right now. He said he still has to go do promotion.
Mariann had some ideas for him but Howard had to hang up. He said she won't let him answer. He said he has to hang up on her because of that. They played a song parody about Mariann. Howard said that was Daniel Mendelson singing that. He said he does a good Mariann impression.
Howard said he can't converse with Mariann. Robin said she just has so much to get out.
Howard said people were congratulating Jimmy Kimmel for getting him to go to Italy. He said that he did get him to go there. He said he hasn't gone yet but he will be going. He said that he was planning that trip out with Jimmy and his wife. He said they're trying to plan this trip to Italy. Robin said that's cool. Howard said he goes back and forth about it. He said he loves being with Jimmy and his wife. Robin said he will have fun. Howard said he gets nervous.
Gary asked if they're going to do tourist stuff or just hang out in a villa. Howard said he's doing touristy things. He said there are a lot of things he wants to do over there. He said he'd rather be home though. He said he has all of his stuff there. Howard said he wants to go see some sights over there. He said he's not going to Rome though.
Howard said Sal was telling him not to wear jewelry over there. He said that's the shit that scares him. Gary said he's from New York so just use your head. Sal said there are kids on Vespas and they'll cut off your finger to get the ring if they see it. Robin said they told her that in Columbia and in Rome.
Howard said Sal said don't leave Beth alone. Robin said that's true. She said that Italian men are completely inappropriate. Sal said they make eye contact and they end up floating away. He said you have to be careful over there. Robin said Howard isn't going to be on a bus. Howard said he's planning the whole thing.
Sal said they also have menus for the tourists with different prices. He said they jack up the prices for the tourists.
Gary said he's been there four times. He said just use your head. Howard said that's not going to help. Gary asked if he's going to walk around with his wallet hanging out of his wallet in New York. He said just do the same thing over there. Howard said he knows what to do.
Howard said they're going to two places and they have it all worked out. He said it should be very nice.
Howard said Gary is funny with the wallet hanging out thing. He said he thinks he can figure that out. They played a song parody with Gary's throat clearing to the tune of ''Baby Shark.'' Howard said that's Phlegmy Shark.
Mike Pearlman came in and Howard said he heard he was shot. Mike said that was years ago. He said he's been working here for about 5 years. He said this was way before he was there. Mike said he was coming out of a diner and two guys were waiting for him at 5 in the morning. He said one guy had a mask on and a gun out. He said he was getting in his car and the guy was trying to rob him. He said he said fuck you to the guy when he asked for his money. Howard said he's a real man. He said he didn't know he was a real man like that. Howard said he would have handed over his money and complimented his mask.
Howard asked Mike what happened next. Mike said he was getting in his car and he was about to close his door. He said the guy shot him in the side of his chest. He said it went through his lung and stomach and into his liver. He said he drove after that. He said the guy ran away and the other guy stood there. He said the guy must have been in shock. He said he was going to go after them. He said he drove about 10 feet and he had trouble breathing and passed out. He said he was with a buddy and the guy called an ambulance.
Howard asked if he felt like he was dying. Mike said he did. He said that his buddy was sitting in the car. He said that the guy didn't even try to take anything after shooting him. Howard said he needs a security guy like this. mike said they caught the guy's partner that night and then he ratted out his friend. He said that he ran off and they were able to catch that guy. He said his accomplice was the one who turned him in.
Howard asked if the guy went to jail for a long time. Mike said he's sure he got some time. He said he's not sure what happened to him.
Howard asked if he thinks he shot him because he didn't want to look dumb to his friend. Mike said probably. Howard went through the story again and asked what the pain was like. Mike said he has a vague memory of it but it's like a burning feeling. He said it feels like a burning inside your body. Robin asked if he knew he was shot right away. Mike said it happened so quick that it's such a shock you don't know what happened. He said you have to take a second to process it.
Howard asked if he's still fucked up from it. Mike said he's okay now. He said he was in an induced coma for a while. He said they have to do that so your body doesn't over work. Robin said that was a lot of organ damage. Howard asked how big the gun was. Mike said it was a 38. He said he got hit sideways and it went in one way and hit a bunch of things in there. He said it went in at an angle. Robin said he had to have operations on his lung, stomach and liver.
Howard asked if he's still messed up inside. Mike said he's doing okay. He said he was just 19 at the time. He said that he didn't want to give up his money. He said he was in the hospital when the guy was in court.
Howard said Ronnie is out there making fun of his story telling ability. Howard said Ronnie is an on air expert now. Howard said no offense to him but he doesn't tell a good story either. He said he thought Mike did a good job.
Ronnie came in and said he just said the way he was telling the story was funny. He said it's fucking Shuli coming up with this bullshit. He said he just said that he's some story teller. He said that's all it was. He said some of the shit just came out weird. Howard asked if he's funny. Ronnie said he's telling it like he's John Gotti. Mike said Ronnie is dressed in all black and he's calling him John Gotti.
Shuli came in and told Howard how Ronnie said this line. He said he said ''Wow. He's some story teller.'' Howard asked how good a job he did on the air. Ronnie gave him a 10 out of 10. He said he didn't have a problem with it. Howard said he came in nervous because this is his first time on the air. He said Ronnie wasn't perfect on the air either. Ronnie said he was watching his face on the TV and he thought it was funny. Shuli said that Ronnie isn't a great story teller. He said it was funny to hear this come out of him because of that.
Howard said this guy took a bullet and lived. He said he even went after the guy. Mike said that only lasted 10 seconds.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie should watch himself. He said the only thing Ronnie has ever taken is a dildo in his ass.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said this guy has never been on the air before. He said Ronnie has to give him a break. Ronnie said Ralph calls in with his damn comments all the time. Ralph said Ronnie goofs on Howard and Robin too. He said that he's getting carried away with himself. Howard said maybe he is because of his social media fame and his NASCAR stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what Ronnie would have done in that situation. Ronnie said you can't answer that kind of question. Howard asked if Mike should have handed over his wallet. Ronnie said he's not sure he would have told the guy to go fuck himself. Shuli said that Ronnie wouldn't have put up a fight. Ronnie said he probably would have given him his wallet.
Howard said if he sees a guy with a mask he's giving up his wallet. Shuli said he was robbed and the guy didn't have a weapon at all. He said he just gave him his wallet.
Ronnie asked if Mike was drunk that night. Mike said he was out for the night. He said they went to a strip club that night. He said that was out in Hempstead. He said they did that and then they left there and went to the diner. He said that's where this kid was.
Shuli said Ronnie didn't like the story until he went to the strip club. Ronnie said that's the way it should be. Howard said this is like Ronnie teaching class for him.
Howard asked Mike what it was like when he said fuck you. Mike said he told the guy to go fuck himself and the guy stood there and then shot him on the side. He said they leave your car there the next day and his buddies saw his car there. He said they can't touch the car so the car was left running for hours. He said his buddies saw it there running with the crime scene tape.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie can't take anyone else getting attention there. He said he's there talking shit about him. Ronnie said he wasn't talking shit. He said that's just what Shuli said. Howard said this guy thinks that he wants attention. The caller said that's what he thinks. Howard said maybe that's what's going on there. He said Ronnie is the tough guy on the show and now mike is the one getting attention.
Fred was doing his Ronnie Puppet thing while this was going on. He was adding his own comments to the whole thing.
Howard asked Mike if the bullet or Ronnie's critique was more painful. Mike said that wasn't so bad with Ronnie. Ronnie said he didn't say anything bad about the story. Shuli said it was the way he said it.
Bobo was talking away from the microphone in his phone. Shuli told him he has to talk into the phone. Bobo said he's not doing anything different.
Howard said Bobo was calling and asking about the big race and if they're going to fly him in and put him up in a hotel. Howard said he didn't know what race they were talking about. Bobo said Ronnie brags that he's going to beat him. Ronnie said he is going to beat him.
Howard said he has to understand some stuff about racing. He wasn't sure how many laps they should do or anything like that. Ronnie said they should do 2 laps at least. He said the track is 2.5 miles. He said they can do time trials. Howard said they could do 2 laps in the same car. That way they don't have to worry about crashing.
Howard asked how fast you can go on that track. Ronnie said he's gone 170 in a NASCAR class car. Bobo said he has to do the training if Ronnie did it. Howard asked if he knows how to drive. Bobo said of course he does. Howard said Bobo is calling up every minute with this race but as soon as they say 170 he says he has to have special training. Bobo said he'll do it without the training. Bobo said that he has to keep that in mind that Ronnie has had training. Howard said his toupee could fly off at that speed. Robin said they'll have to wear helmets. Howard said he thinks that he's ready to see this. Ronnie said bring it on. Bobo repeated that.
Shuli said one time Ronnie did something in his pace car and he's not sure he can go that fast. He said it's not a slam dunk win for Ronnie. Ronnie said there he goes again.
Bobo asked if Ronnie came in last in that rally he did. Ronnie said that's because they took a wrong turn and got lost. He said he's doing it again this June. He said he won't be with Goldberg this year. He said he's going to be with Kurt Busch. Howard said that's his boyfriend. Ronnie said both of them are going to drive. He said they're going to finish up in Austin. Howard said he bets he won't get lost this time. Ronnie said Kurt doesn't care.
Gary said that Ronnie has been tweeting a lot about Kurt today and he's yelling at people to get their facts straight. Ronnie said he's racing for a new team and someone got on and said he'd driving for his job. He said they think he won't have a job next year if he doesn't do that. He said he's already turned the team around this year. Howard said he has some way of telling a story. Ronnie said he was talking about the commentator. Shuli said this is why it was so funny that Ronnie complained about the way someone tells a story.
Howard said he's really interested in this race now. He said they have to make it happen. Howard asked how fast Bobo has gone. Bobo said he has gone fast on a drag strip. He said he has to get privy to the track. Ronnie asked why he's saying he can beat someone if he's never done it. Bobo's phone was out of whack again. Howard asked what is up with his phone connection. Bobo said he's right there. Shuli said Bobo drags it down his face and doesn't realize it. Bobo said it's right there now. Howard said now it's fine. He said he can't seem to figure it out.
Shuli said he's probably looking around to see if anyone knows he's on the phone. Bobo said he's in an undisclosed area right now.
Howard asked what Bobo wants with this if he wins. Bobo said he has to let him evaluate him in the limo. Ronnie said he's fine with that. Bobo said if he has to take off his hair system then Ronnie has to shave his head. Howard said Ronnie doesn't care because he thinks he'll win. Ronnie said he'll get a crew cut but not shave it. He said if he loses he'll let Bobo shave his head.
Howard said Mike can fire off the gun to start the race. Howard said he's going to make this race happen. He said he loves how Bobo gets away from the microphone and it goes out of phase.
Howard told Mike he's a real man for taking that bullet. Ronnie kept commenting every time Howard said something to him. Howard asked why he has to say something.
Howard asked if Mike has a scar. Mike ended up showing Howard the scar. Howard said he's in good shape. He said that Ronnie has the body of Dean Cain. Ronnie said you can't beat that. Howard said Mike is a tough guy. He said he's not sure he'd recommend telling a guy to go fuck himself when he's holding a gun.
Howard asked Mike if he takes classes for like Karate. Mike said he has. He said the last time he was in a fight was after he got out of the hospital. He said he got out and he had drains on him. He said they gave him this drain with the wire coming out. He said it was a bag to collect it. He said that was horrible. He said he was getting into fights with that still hanging off. Howard said that's a real man there. Fred Ronnie said he has a drain pipe in his ass. He said he's a real man. Howard said he didn't say he wasn't a real man.
Howard thanked Mike for coming in with that story. He said it must be painful. Mike said it was alright. Howard thanked the guys for coming in. He wrapped up and let them go before going to break.
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Howard said this is the Howard Stern Comes Again song. He played a song about his new book.
Howard said people are complaining that they can't find the book. He said it's just in pre-order right now. He said it's not out until May 14th. Robin said she went on Amazon and they recommended it to her. Howard said they did that for him too.
Howard read some email about the book cover and how good he looks on that. Howard said he isn't good looking. He said he has an angle that he looks good at. He said that Andrew Eckles shot that cover and he knows the angle to shoot him at. He said you can see that on their app.
Howard said what's burning up the app is the R. Kelly song parody. He said that they mixed R. Kelly and Gayle King's interview. He said that they played the song on the air but they made a video for it too. He played the song after that.
Howard said also burning up the app is the new Alex Jones video. He said they have a whole Alex Jones set. Howard said they had the clip of Hillary on at K-Rock and a studio set up for that.
Howard said someone said Fred has aged very well. He said people are asking for more old clips to be posted.
Howard said he was saying Wolly Mammoth wrong so people went off on him about that. He said he must have said ''Monmouth.'' Howard said this one was scathing. He said this guy said he can't even pronounce Mammoth.
Howard said people love Jason on the show. He read some stuff about him being on the show the last week they were on before vacation. Howard said they say he's honest about his shortcomings.
Howard said someone said Jason looks like someone from Finneous Freak. He wasn't sure what that reference was but it might be from some comics. Jason said it's from an indie comic series.
Howard mentioned that Def Leppard will be in this week. Robin said that's right. She said she was watching a documentary about a woman who killed her kids to Hungry like the Wolf. Howard said that wasn't Def Leppard. Robin said that's right, it's Duran Duran.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she went to Italy at 16 years old. She said she was there for 3 weeks and she had 3 experiences with 3 different men. She said that she looked kind of like Olivia Jade. She said the first time was on a train. She said they had rooms in the car and a hall on one side. She said next to her was an Italian soldier. She said this was back in the 70s so she was dressed like Marcia Brady. She said she fell asleep and the next thing she knows there's a hand going up and down her leg. She said she moved her leg and faked waking up. She said she was shocked that this guy would do that in public.
The caller said the second story is where they went to visit a family member and they had a son. She said it was her mother's cousin who was 25 or 30. She said he was in bed and her mother told her to go talk with him. Howard cut her off and asked if she wants him not to go to Italy. The caller said don't let Beth be alone over there. She said the men over there are very sexual. She said maybe it's changed but that's how it was back then. Robin said no one is going to be on a bus or anything like that. The caller said the men over there are going to go gaga over her. She said don't let Beth walk alone.
Howard said he's going to do himself a favor. He said please don't call up with more Italy horror stories. He said he doesn't like going anywhere and he doesn't need to be paranoid. He said he's trying to spread his wings and leave his mother's house. The caller said it is beautiful over there. Howard hung up on her. He said he doesn't want to hear more stories.
Howard said he has to get to a lot of stuff this week. He said he was getting a lot of shout outs from politicians. He said this guy died last October. He said he was a state representative. He said he hates when the fans die. He said this guy Sid Kavulich gave some shout outs to the show.
Howard played a clip of this Kavulich guy throwing in some Ronnie references and things like that in a speech he was making. He got in an ''Oh My'' comment and a ''Bye for now'' and then a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said he got in four references that he caught. He said he died at the age of 62. He said everyone is dropping like flies.
Howard said this is David who has a story about Italy. Howard took the call and David said that his friend went to Italy and he came back home without any organs left. He said his wife was fucked by a ton of Italian guys too. Howard went through that fake story with the guy before he let him go. He thanked the guy for the call. The caller said they also made him blow his own dick. He told Howard to have fun over there.
Howard said that was wonderful. He said this poor guy died at 62. He said there's also this guy John Applebaum of Minnesota who gave a goodbye speech and gave them a shout out. Howard played the clip and the guy was giving his goodbye speech and at the end he gave a ''Baba Booey.''
Howard said this guy is named James Leahy and he gave a Hit 'em with the Hein in a speech he made about parking in the city he was from.
Howard asked how old the caller, Kristy, is. She said she's 42. She said she doesn't look her age though. Howard said that's a nice age. He asked if she's divorced. Kristy didn't answer. She said her cheek hit mute on her iPhone. Howard said that's kind of cute. He said that's hot. Howard said maybe she has double chins. She hit mute again. Kristy said she's been divorced 7 years. She said she does pinup photography. Howard said she must be hot then. He said any magazine like that you have to be a step above.
Howard asked if she has kids. She said she has 2. She said he has an 11 year old and a 13 year old. Howard let out a grunt. He said his boner just went down. Kristy said there's like 8 women for every guy in Atlanta. She said that's good for the guys down there.
Howard said he was told to go to a school where there were like 8 guys and 3000 women. He said he knew he'd have good odds there. He said that he probably still wouldn't be able to get laid. Howard said he's used to blaming everything on his looks.
Howard asked what's wrong with Kristy. He asked if she's overweight. She said she's 120 pounds and 5'9'' tall. She said she's got a double D. Howard said her titties are too big. He said they're intimidating. He said if they're that big then they have to look too big. Kristy said the surgeon who did the work did a good job. Howard told Gary to pull her up on Instagram and tell him what she looks like. Howard said you need a nice normal tittie. Kristy said she looks normal. Howard said she should be a C-cup. Robin said they could be a little bit.
Howard asked Gary to look her up. Gary asked him to put her on hold for half a second. He said he'll look her up. Gary said he can bring it in after that. Howard said hold for Gary.
Gary had a Plantain chip in his mouth so Howard goofed on him about that while he was getting her information. Howard asked who eats that and why couldn't he have waited until after the show.
Howard played another song parody about his book Howard Stern Comes Again. Howard said that book is a good book to make doody to. He said that's where he does his reading.
Howard said he just got a note about the giant bowl of Plantain chips Gary has on his desk. He asked how long he has to wait for Kristy to get back. He had her back a second later. Howard said he'll be checking her out on Instagram. Howard asked why her husband left. She said she left him. She said it became like a roommate kind of thing. Howard said that's what hot chicks do. He said that's what happened to him in college.
Howard took a look at Kristy and said she is hot. He said she looks Asian. Howard asked where her titties are. Kristy said they are perfect for her frame. Gary said he can't find a body shot. Kristy said they're there. Howard said that Gary's laptop is full of plantain juice. Howard said she is super hot. Howard said he's not seeing her boobs. She said there is a picture there. Howard finally saw it.
Howard said Gary is all upset about Jason telling him about the Plantain chips. Gary said he has to tell him to stay out of his office. He said he doesn't want someone reporting on what he's eating. Jason said he got so angry. He said he sits right next to his office. Gary said if he wants to know what he's eating he'll tell him and show him. He said he told Jason to stay the fuck out of his office and he still gave him a note. He said he needs some degree of privacy. Howard said Gary just hid the bowl. Gary said that's where they go. Howard said every time he goes to him he's eating lately. Jason said he knew he was going to go to him on the microphone and he still ate one. Gary said Jason should talk. He said he's a fat fuck. He said he can't possibly know what's going on in there. He said he was already eating. He said he didn't know he hadn't swallowed it.
Gary and Jason went at each other for a minute. Howard asked when Gary started eating that stuff. Gary said he's not sure. Howard said he's sure they're fattening. Howard said the diet must be gone. Gary said it is gone. Jason said he heard he got a new treadmill to try out. Gary said that is not true. Howard said he heard he ordered 4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Gary said Jason has 8. Howard said that's an asshole move of Will to make them buy cookies. Howard said don't do that at work. He said he would never go to another guy and ask them to buy cookies. He said that's her job, not Will's job. Jason said he's with him on some of that but not cookies.
Howard asked Will why he would do that. Will said he has to take the shit there or take it at home. Will said he just had it on his desk and people started doing it. Howard said he's kind of a senior guy around there. He asked why he would do that. Will said it got weird quick. He said people were chiming in and saying they couldn't wait. He said it won't happen again. Howard told Will to tell his daughter to get out there and do it herself. He said tell his wife that too.
Howard asked Jason how many he bought. Jason said he got some for the staff. Howard said he has to cut back. Jason said he got 8 boxes and he brought some to the meeting. He said he brought 5 boxes home. He said he ate 2 boxes of Tagalongs this weekend. He said he was under 300 pounds last time he was at the doctor so he was excited.
Howard asked Kristy what's going on with her. Kristy said that she just can't find a good guy. Howard said he has to go. He said no one wants to hear about that. He said not with those big jugs. He said she weighs 120 with Double Ds.
Howard had Ralph on the phone and he said she can't be so fussy now that she's 42. Howard said maybe Benjy is the guy for her.
Ralph said he's cracking up thinking about Gary eating the plantains. He said imagine how much was in his mouth that he swallowed. Howard said Gary has to run his tongue over his teeth to get them out of there. Howard said it's like scraping barnacles out. Gary said he has to agree with Ralph. He said he thought he was done swallowing.
Ralph said those things are like ea big fat cell. Howard told him to throw them out. Howard told Jason to go in and examine his drawers. He was just joking.
Howard said he tries not to eat during the show. He said he waits until after the show. Gary said that's easier said than done. Howard said he seems to be eating whenever he goes to him. Gary said it's not that often. He said he's on the microphone all day long and it's not like that all the time. Howard said he doesn't agree with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about this Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and if she'll be president some day. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he thinks she's in the news because she's so hot. Robin said she might be an 11 in congress. Howard said she has the ability to speak too. He said she speaks like a normal human being. Robin said that won't last. She said she'll end up talking like god knows what in a little while. Robin said she's a new kind of socialist. Howard said he really doesn't know that much about her. He said he's not sure what socialist means with her but if it's free college for everyone he's all for that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he loves Gary but they don't sell big bags of those chips. He said he had to buy small bags and put them all in there. Gary said they sell the at Whole Foods. He said they come in a little container. Howard said that feeing trough is little to Gary. Gary said it's 9 ounces. Howard said asked how fattening they are. Gary went through the nutrition facts and told Howard what it said. Gary said it's 7 servings so it's 150 calories for each serving. He said it's 1050 for the entire container. He said that lasts him a week and a half. Howard said that's because he fills it out with Girl Scout cookies.
Howard took a call from fake Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who said she's like the Baby Shark of Congress. She said you can't rattle her and she doesn't get embarrassed. She said everything she's done has been posted on the internet so she's fine with it. She told Howard about what this new socialist thing means to her. Howard spent a little more time with fake Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez before letting her go.
Howard said he has to go home and go to bed. He asked what he has to do. Fred said he can do a commercial. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said he played the announcement about Alex Trebek's cancer and he was making him look bad. He said he'd just go away if he had cancer like that. Robin said Howard would make an announcement. Howard said Alex posted another video where he thanked his fans for their support and well wishes. Howard said he's putting out more product than Olivia Jade. He said he would not be doing that if he were him. He said he's making the best of it. Howard played a clip of Trebek thanking his fans for their support.
Robin said they sent him nothing. Howard said even Watson the computer sent him a get well card. He said he gets a stubbed toe and he's miserable. He said he does admire this guy. Howard played more of the clip and Alex was saying he reads everything that he gets. Howard said he reads nothing himself. He said it all goes in the garbage. Alex said he's a lucky guy. Howard said he'd be asking ''why me?'' He said imagine you eat healthy all your life and then you have something like this happen. He said that he'd be wondering why that fat bastard High Pitch Erik is still around. Howard said he's meticulous about what he eats and this is what it gets you.
Howard made up his own video where he'd be asking why he's dying and Charlie Sheen is still alive. Howard said that's what he'd be asking. He said in terms of game shows Bob Barker is out living him. He said OJ is walking around healthy as a horse. Howard asked how old Alex is. Robin said he's 70-something. Gary said 78. Howard said he looks good. He said he can't believe he has pancreatic cancer. He said Valerie Harper was supposed to die 10 years ago. Howard said he'd be making a really bitter tape. Howard said he would be livid if Keith Richards outlived him. He said the bitterness he'd have is unbelievable. He said Alex has none of that. Robin said maybe they're getting upset about something and Alex knows he has something treatable or something. Howard said Jimmy Carter had brain cancer and now he's the longest living ex-president. Robin said they told him the brain cancer was goodbye for him. Howard said how about every member of Motley Crue still being alive. He said they get to outlive him too.
Howard said he always used to think he would live forever. He said he's not that way now. Robin said that everyone is like that. Howard said it would eat him up that Betty White gets to be around and he'd be going.
Robin said she thought Howard was supposed to say some goodbye words for Jan Michael Vincent. Howard said he can do that quickly. He said at least Alex gets to outlive him. He said Wink Martindale is 85 and still around healthy as can be. He said he was on that Tic Tac Dough show.
Howard said Jan Michel Vincent was one of the most handsome people and he was on their show a couple of times. He said he was on that show Air Wolf. Howard said Jan Michael Vincent was how old. Robin said she thinks he was 73. Howard said that guy was a good looking man. He said he died last month. He said he was kind of ignored. Robin said he wasn't living in Hollywood anymore. Robin said he was down south somewhere. Howard said James Dean's agent got a hold of him early. He said he had it all going on. He said he got involved in some drugs and stuff and he got into fights and accidents and all of this stuff.
Robin said he was booked on the show and he had just been in an accident and he came in anyway. Howard said he came in wearing an eye patch. He said his doctor told him not to fly and he did it anyway. He said that he hit on Robin too. Howard played a clip from that day that Robin got hit on by Jan Michael Vincent.
Howard said they never saw Jan after that. He said he lost part of a leg to an infection. He said he had a horrible ending. He said at least Alex Trebek outlived him. He said that's the way it should be.
Robin said they have been talking about the college entry scandal. Robin said that Lori Loughlin's family is in the news a lot and they have some audio of Lori saying in an old interview that she never wants to do anything that her kids have to pay the price for. Howard said this is more investigative than the Robert Mueller investigation. Howard played the clip of Lori talking about how she plans to do things in her life that won't affect her children in a negative way.
Robin read a story about a family that found out that their ancestors were involved with the Nazis and it was worse than they thought it was. Robin said they are worth 40 billion and they are disgusted with their family's past crimes. They are going to give away 11 million to charity of that 40 billion.
Robin said Julia Roberts had something to say about this college scandal. Robin said she said that it kind of makes her sad because it shows they didn't have much faith in their children and their ability to do things on their own. Howard said he couldn't agree more. Howard said he still has faith in Olivia Jade. He said she was doing fine before this.
Robin read a story about Dr. Dre bragging that his daughter got into USC on her own. It turns out he had to step back because he and his partner had donated $70 million to USC.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about his hatred for The Doors and if it was persona. Howard said he just was never into them. He said it's not hatred. He said he just doesn't like the music. He said that he doesn't get them. Howard said this guy should be at work. He said he's at home on paternity leave. The caller said he's holding his daughter right now. Howard said he never heard of paternity leave when his kids were born. He said he went to work. Howard said he didn't need to be home to bond. He said you'll bond just fine. He said go make a living. He said the kids need money. He said he doesn't get the whole thing. Howard said this guy is worried about the doors. The caller said his wife is at work. Howard asked what he does for a living. The guy said he's a software consultant so he works from home. He said one of his staff members there is one of their VPs. Howard said he's not sure where that's going so he let the guy go.
Howard said he just worked his ass off and he spent time with his kids when he was on vacation. He said that was the time he bonded. He said you go back to work after a week and the boss is okay with it. He said Shuli was gone for like a year playing video games the whole time. He said work is important. He said that's your contribution. He said you put in your day's work and go home.
Robin had Howard play a Dick Dale song called ''Misirlou.'' Howard said he loved when Quentin Tarantino used it in his movie. Robin said Dick Dale is dead at 81 years old. Howard said Dick Dale never took paternity leave. He said he just worked and provided. Howard said no words to that song either. He said you put in your own words.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if he saw this week's Saturday Night Live which was a replay with Halsey. Howard said he saw it when it aired. Apples said she was hot. He asked what Howard wants to paint over in Italy. Howard said he hasn't been there yet. He said you have to wait for something to inspire you. He said it can be anything. He said that there are people who pay artists to paint something. He said you want that person to be inspired by something. He said you can't make them paint something they're not into.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked why he gives men such a hard time about paternity leave when he only works 3 days a week. She said it irritates her because she's a Doula and a midwife. Howard said he's heard of both but not of the same person doing both. Howard said that the best place to give birth is a hospital. The caller said the best way is to squat and hold on to a tree. Howard said he's not going to be with a Doula. He said if he's a premature baby with a heart condition he's not going to be around a Doula. The caller said that's just a birthing coach. Howard said he was the coach for his wife when his daughters were born. He said he was a terrific coach. He said he did the breathing thing. He said then they realized it was all shit and they did an Epidural and got that over with. Howard said he's not against some paternity leave but it's turned into a whole thing. He said he found time to spend with the kids on his own time.
Robin read a story about Janice Freeman from The Voice dying. Robin said Miley Cyrus was at the funeral and she broke down while honoring her. Robin had some audio of Miley breaking down and crying while talking about Janice. Howard said Robin is going to have to sing at his funeral. He played some of her singing ''Amazing Grace'' to piano music. Howard said he wants it done just like this. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Mel B having to call Geri Halliwell to apologize for something she said on Piers Morgan's show. Robin said she was asked if she had ever slept with Geri during the Spice Girls era. Robin had a clip for Howard to play. Mel said that they all slept in a bed together. Then she said she did sleep with her ''like that'' back then.
Howard said he worked with Mel B on America's Got Talent. He said that he was thinking about this fucking guy Simon Cowell. He said he really doesn't like this guy. He said he likes Howie but not Simon. He said the two old white guys get to stay on but they replace the ladies with younger ladies. Howard said they always talked about replacing Mel or Heidi but they stayed on. Howard said now Simon is replacing them. Howard said that guy is kind of dated. He said they're replacing them with Gabrielle Union and Juliana Hough. He said they're younger. Howard said that fat fuck does that every time. He said it's a weird thing. He said he's happy for Howie because he knows he loves that job. Robin said women age out and men don't apparently.
Howard had fake Mel B and Geri on the phone. They were talking about the lesbian stuff they did back in the day. Howard said this is getting him excited for their tour. He said he wants Mel back on America's Got Talent with Heidi. He said he sees why these two made music together. He let them go a short time later.
Robin had Howard play a Sam Smith song. She said that Sam was interviewed not too long ago and he said he doesn't consider himself male or female. Howard said neither does Fred. Robin said Sam says he's non-binary and he did consider a sex change at one time.
Howard asked if Robin saw this movie ''Girl'' on Netflix. He said it's a movie about a guy who wants to be a girl. He said he loves movies like that. He said this guy wants to be a ballerina. He said you have to watch it. He said then he learned that he's Cisgender. Robin said that's right. Howard said he's a man who identifies as a man. Robin asked what Cis means. Howard said it doesn't refer to your sexuality. He said a gay man could be Cisgender.
Robin read a story about the Robert Mueller report being completed. Robin said that the Attorney General will be releasing some information about it. Robin said the President responded to it. She had some audio of Trump saying that there was no collusion with Russia. Howard said he's going to be impossible now with that. Howard said Rachel Maddow just about had him in an orange jump suit. Robin said she knew people were going to be disappointed.
Howard took a call from fake Donald Trump who was calling from a noisy place just like real Trump seems to do. He was at the airport with planes taking off and loud noises behind him. Howard spent a little time talking to him with more and more noises coming in behind him. Robin had some audio of Sarah Huckabee Sanders talking about the report and saying he has no problem with it being released to the public. That led to fake Sarah calling in to comment. She said they're having a huge ass party over there.
Robin read a story about Kirsten Gillibrand announcing she's getting into the 2020 election. Robin had some audio of her making a speech in front of a Trump building.
Robin said Bernie Sanders was at it as well. She said he's hitting the campaign trail. Robin had some audio of him talking about the 4 page summary of the Mueller report. Bernie said he wants to see the whole report.
Robin read a story about the Powerball lottery being around 3/4 of a billion dollars. Robin said that it has a cash value of more than $465 million. Howard said they could go on vacation with Olivia Jade that kind of money.
Robin read a story about the vote going on about making marijuana legal in New Jersey. They're also voting on making doctor assisted suicide legal.
Robin read a story about the movie Us being the biggest movie at the box office this weekend. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how they have Def Leppard coming in today. He said they have a big setup over there. He said they're doing acoustic. Gary said that's correct. Howard said he's excited about that. He said he can't remember which bands came in the 90s or whatever. He said their third album Hysteria or Pyromania was great. Gary said it was Pyromania. Hysteria came after. Gary was talking to Jon who was feeding him the information. Howard told him to let him just talk to Jon. Howard asked what their first album was that hit big. Jon said it was Pyromania. He said Hysteria sent them worldwide. Howard said they were like 3 or 4 cuts deep and they were hits. Jon said they sold like 100 million albums. Howard said that's something.
Howard said they have a remarkable track record. He said they're getting into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame this year. He said they must have been eligible long ago. Jon said they were eligible 13 years ago. Howard said you have to have been in the business for 20 years to get nominated.
Howard said he'll get into it with them when they get in there. Robin said it doesn't seem like 20 years. Howard said it was 20 years. Robin said it seems like a long time if they were eligible 13 years ago. Robin was trying to do the math and having a problem with it. Howard told her not to worry about it. He said he's not in a good mood today so don't mess with him.
Howard played some of Def Leppard's hits. He said he liked that song ''Foolin.'' He played some of that and said that was good. Howard asked if they ever did a Fafa Fooey song parody to that song. He said it's already written itself.
Gary said he wasn't mad at Jason yesterday. He said he was upset that he walked into his office which is off limits to him. He said that he insinuated that he went through his drawers. Jason came in and said that he just leaned over and looked on his desk. He said he didn't get up and walk in there. He said he's not going to stop going in there either. He said it's not his office. Jason said that everyone is looking at that office right now. He said if he doesn't want anyone looking at his stuff then work upstairs. He said if he doesn't want to be part of the show then move upstairs. Jason said Gary owes him an apology. He said that he screamed at him for no reason.
Howard said he understands why Jason looked. He said he was on the air talking to Gary and it was fun to find out what he was eating. Jason said he just looked at the tub of food he had on his desk. He said that's all he looked at. Howard said there's his tub now. Howard asked when he's going to get more plantains. Gary said maybe next week. Robin said they won't last the week. She said there's not 9 left in there. Gary said come in and look. Howard said it's just crumbs now. He said his drawer is like Trader Joe's.
Jason said that the PAs say they have to hide their chocolate from Gary out there. Gary said Jason is a little douche. Jason asked what is wrong with him for causing World War III over this. Gary said he just likes to fuck people over and needle them. Howard said Jason isn't walking around all day looking to fuck people over. Howard said this is a radio show and Gary is eating something. He said Jason just looked to see what he was eating. He said he wasn't looking to get him in trouble. Gary said that he doesn't want people in his office. Gary said that maybe Jason should move down the line. Jason said Gary isn't his boss. He said he can use all of his powers to try to make him move. He said it's not going to happen.
Howard said he would be upset with Jason if he had gone in there and looked on his computer. He said that's not what he did. He said he just looked in his office from outside. Howard said he looks at what JD eats out there. He said he hates when people watch him eat. He said he eats in front of the guys but he can't help that. Jason said he's going to use Gary's office for napping now. Gary said Jason is not a nice person anymore. He said he's trying to please Howard and that's more important than friendship.
Howard said Gary doesn't seem to get his job. He said he can't be out there where everyone is. He said if Gary sees JD playing with himself out there and says something then maybe he shouldn't tell him that if he's choosing that over friendship. Gary said Jason is choosing this stuff over friendship.
Howard said the email agreed with Gary. Jason said it always does. Howard read through some of the email and people were siding with Gary in the plantain chip thing. Howard said that they wouldn't have had that great bit without Jason mentioning the big tub. Gary said he told him what he was eating. Howard said he doesn't know he has a tub of it. Jason said he was just doing his job on the show. He said he's the Executive Producer of the show.
Gary said Robin got upset with him when he busted her balls. Robin said that she's not going to war with him over that.
Jason asked if he's mad about something else. Gary said he's mad that he's monitoring his every move. Jason told him to get over it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Jason is the biggest, fattest piece of shit on the show. He said every staff member on the show constantly complains about Jason. He said he's like the new Benjy. He said he can't let him in the studio anymore. Howard said he's banned then. He said that there are some lines you can't cross but seeing that tub of plantains isn't one of them. He said the imagery of that bowl of plantains is funny.
Gary asked if someone saw a photo of his office and made fun of him would he be okay with that? Howard said no. He said he wouldn't tolerate that. Jason said that Gary shares his office with two other people so he doesn't have a private office. Jason said that Gary is just making shit up. He said he has no privacy. Gary was claiming that he controls the camera in there. Jason told him to turn it off right now then. He didn't turn it off.
Howard described what he has in his office for pictures and stuff on his shelves. Gary said that he has stuff in his office that he didn't put in there. Jason said he has to stop with that. He said Gary is telling them this bullshit. He said that he's just doing his job.
Howard said this is a controversy. Robin said they used to love each other there. Howard said he knows what Gary means. He said it's hard to accept when someone is watching your every move but that's part of what the show is. Gary said he gets it. He said Jason never turns it off though. Jason said he's sorry he reported on him. Howard asked if he's still upset with Jason. Gary said he has a hard time forgetting that Jason used to be a nice person. He said when you talk to him he's not a human being. Jason said he's not revealing anything private. Gary said there are things that he knows not to talk about but there is a grey area. He said there is noting that he has revealed though. Jason said he thought the plantains weren't off limits. He said he didn't know they were over the line so he will never comment on them again. Gary said now he's being a dick. Jason said of course he's being a dick.
Gary asked if he ever goes home and feels bad about something he did on the show. Jason said a lot of times he does. He said he will guarantee last night was not one of those nights. Robin said She thought it was kind of cute. Gary said he's not sure what to say. Jason said it's silly. Gary said he did overreact yesterday.
Howard said he likes that Gary went shopping for plantains and brought them to work. He said potato chips is normal. He said this isn't. He said it's funny. Robin said even a family size bag of potato chips would be funny.
Howard said the office took a vote and it was 13 to 3 against Gary. He said that Ronnie sided with Gary though. Howard said that Jason provides half of the interesting information about Ronnie. He said Ronnie should be happy about that. Howard said he'd never know about half of this stuff without Jason. Jason said it's ridiculous. He said he knows it upsets people that he's very vocal. He said he likes this aspect of his job. He said some people do it on the DL and some don't. He said JD didn't even want to use the Hit 'em with the Hein on the show. JD said it was just said on one show at that time. Howard said he has to bring that stuff to him.
Howard said if that's a big thing out there he has to let him know. JD said it wasn't a big thing in the office. Jason said he had to tell JD to give that to Howard. He said JD was afraid of Jon for some reason. He said that the bottom line is that friendship is important but it can't supersede your job when it comes to that stuff. He said that was all about JD and Jon. JD said Jon is just a friend of his. Howard asked if that's the father he always wanted. JD said no.
Howard said he likes Jason's attitude. He said if he's going to poke his head in there that's fine. Jason said he is keeping an eye on people out there all the time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks deep down inside that Jason is jealous of Gary. He said Gary is trying to eat healthier and Jason is a fat mess who doesn't care about his body. He said he's going to end up with diabetes and lose his legs.
Howard took a call from a woman who said this is a disrespect thing. She said that they knew he was eating those things and he still stuck his head in there. She said that Gary is 100 percent correct. Howard said Jason just looked in. The caller said there is a reason he doesn't want him in there. Jason said you can't have it both ways there. He said that Gary gets to hang out at the Grammys but he has to take some ball busting there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is funny as hell but this is Jason's one trick. He said that's all he has. Howard said that's fine. He said some people do impressions and Jason does this. He said he's a super sleuth. Howard said everyone loves plantains.
Howard said they should get off of this. Jason said he's going to accept Gary's apology. Robin said that a lot of people there have a Jason issue. She said She doesn't like that. Jason said he doesn't like it either. Howard said he needs a Jason there. Jason said they'll look into moving Gary upstairs so he can have privacy.
Howard said Gary's eating has provided a lot of fun on the show. He said they talked about Gary's love of chocolate on the Wrap Up Show. Howard played some audio where Gary talked about that. He was talking about the chocolate candy he stows away there at the show.
Howard said Gary vents about his food stuff on the show. He said back in December he was talking about being goofed on about his phlegm and eating. Howard played a clip and Gary was talking about being goofed on by Howard and how it's like saying that he hates him every time. Howard said Sour Shoes' Gary impression is great. He said that's why he's picking up on him.
Gary said that day he was frustrated. Howard said Sour does that impression so good when he goes on and on with his impression. He said that he has some of that stuff down. He asked if Gary is going through menopause. Gary said maybe he is.
Gary said he was super frustrated that day. Howard asked if he wants to eat some plantains. Gary said he has his eggs and avocado to eat for breakfast. Howard said he can go do that then. Gary said Jason has his hands full with a pile of eggs with ketchup on it. Howard said that's gross. He said that's something you do at 5 years old. Robin said you can't say that about people's taste. Howard said Jason figures out a way to make everything more fattening.
Robin said She heard that Jackie O used to put ketchup on her eggs too. Howard said that's horrible. He said that was fun. Howard said he has so many things to say. He said he should stay on schedule and take a break. Howard was going to take some calls but they disappeared from the system.
Howard said he and Ralph were talking about the plantain chips yesterday. He said they had fun with that. He asked Fred if he eats plantains. Fred said he does not. Fred said that he read a statistic about how many people hate ketchup on their eggs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't believe that they have a job where they can eat during the job. He said he's a teacher and he can't do that. Howard said the reason his guys are fat is because they can eat whenever they want. He said it's the grazing concept. He said that's the worst thing that has ever happened to this country. He said that's why people are so fat. He said that they walk by a plate of tater tots and grab 2 or 3. Robin asked why every desk has a bowl of something on it. Howard said they think if they eat just a few it's not that many calories. He said that's why they get fat. Howard said this guy on the phone can't eat during class. He's a teacher so he can't do that.
Howard said he can't eat on the air. He said he only does that if his voice goes out. He said grazing should be against the law. He said that's why people are so fat and medical bills are so high.
Robin said She keeps hearing Howard's sentences again after he stops. Howard said She has something wrong with her headphones. Howard said he has to take a break and have someone look at that. Howard said enough with the plantains. He said he bets Gary is eating now. Gary said he's not eating yet. He said he wised up a little. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said he can't get that song ''Girl'' out of his head. He said that's by Maren Morris. He said he likes that riff. Fred played some of that song too. Howard said this is like the greatest song ever. He said he means it's his favorite right now. Robin said ''Okay Richard.'' Howard said he watches this video like 2 or 3 times a day.
Fred said this is considered a country song. Howard said she's a country artist. He said he knew that. He said he had never heard of Bobby Bones before Dancing with the Stars but he's like the Ryan Seacrest of country. Gary said he talks about Howard in his book. Howard said he will take that as a compliment even though he'd never go on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he rose to the top by being a scumbag. Robin said people wonder how to do it without being like them.
Howard said Maren Morris was rejected by American Idol, The Voice and other shows. He said that She can write songs. Robin said that Roger Daltrey said that they're never going to find an idol that way. She said the audience only votes for what they recognize.
Howard said happy birthday to Tan Mom. He said that they looked her up online and it says her birthday is in November. Tan Mom said that She was born this day in 1968. Howard did some math to figure out how old She is. He figured she's 53. She said she's 51. She said don't push it. Howard had to do the math over again. He said she's right, she's 51. He said he got to 2008 and only added 8. He said he fucked up.
Howard said according to IMDB they say She was born in November 1967. Tan Mom said that there is only one of her and She was born in 1968. Howard said even that's confusing with her. Howard said they have her listed under her real name on IMDB.
Howard said they have a new song from Tan Mom. He said he's going to let her go and play that. He wished her a good day and let her go a short time later. Howard said he loves her and let her go.
Howard said Tan Mom went back into the recording studio to record a follow up to her ''Free to Be Me'' song. He played some of that song first. He said that was a big hit around there. He said She recorded a new song called ''Money Maka.'' He said they sent Shuli down to see how She did that. Howard said She canceled her first recording session and then She showed up an hour early the next day. Howard said that studio time costs money.
Shuli said She was sick that day from what She said. Howard said this is the recording of her new song. Shuli said the next day She showed up early so no one was there to let her in. He said She got pissed about that. Shuli did his Tan Mom impression talking about that.
Howard said this time She didn't want the name Tan Mom used in the song. He said the music was written by this Electropoint person. Shuli said his name is Roman actually. He said the guy is amazing. Howard said Adam writes the songs. He said they do a lot of improvising in there too. He said it didn't take long to get into the groove of the song.
Howard played some of the new song and they goofed on her strange lyrics and the way She speaks in the songs. Robin said She was wondering why it was so slow and long. Shuli did his impression of her singing and running out of steam by the end of a sentence or one of her lyrics.
Howard said it's like a bad acid trip. Shuli said they tell her it's great after She records something. Howard played more of her song and it was like free form rambling. Tan Mom was speaking her lyrics and not really singing. Howard said he likes the line ''I will freak your head.'' Robin said it doesn't really work as a sentence. Shuli did his impression of her singing that line.
Howard said he's afraid this is what his Mark Ronson song is going to sound like. He said he might have to come up with something different.
Howard said he wants to hear Shuli do some of these lines. He played more of the song and Shuli did his Tanner Mom impression singing the song. Shuli was making up some of his own lines.
Howard said at one point Tan Mom got upset and threw a tantrum. He had some audio of her doing that. He played the clip and Tan Mom was saying She doesn't like pressure. She said She likes freestyle. Howard said all hell broke loose at that point. They were just asking her to pick up from a line. He said it's like ''Surprise, we're recording a song.''
Shuli said that She didn't know who the producer was 3 hours into the session. Robin said it is fun. Howard said it's exhausting. Shuli said at one point She disappeared in the studio. He said he walked in and She was laying down. He said She was laying on the floor saying She was stretching her back.
Howard said Tan Mom went on a rant about Sal and about her husband. He said this was during the recording session. Shuli said they asked her to sing about her passion and that's what came up. Howard played a clip of Tan Mom saying She was with Sal for a moment and he runs from her. She said his dick isn't as big as he thinks so that's why he's at the track or drunk now. She said She has thousands of things in storage and her husband can't pay for that so She can't get to it. The producer told her that was great.
Howard said everything out of her mouth is gold. Shuli did his impression of her rambling about Sal and her husband. Howard said the reverb on her voice is great too.
Howard said the recording session had its ups and downs but they did finish the song. He said this is the world premiere of the song. Shuli said he is a fan of Free to BE but when he left the studio that day he thought they had missed the mark but he was singing the song in the shower later that day. He said it was stuck in his head. He said he thinks it's a hit.
Howard said this is the world premiere of ''Money Maka.'' He played the song and Adam Barta was in this one too. He let the song play a little longer and kept interrupting it to comment on it.
Howard asked where the part is where She talks about her Jewish husband not paying to get her stuff out of storage. Shuli said that might be in the director's cut. Howard said She sings about not doing drugs. Shuli said it's her saying She doesn't do rugs. Howard asked what this all means. Shuli said he loves that they have to turn her into a robot.
Howard played more of the song and asked why Adam Barta is doing this. Shuli said he likes Patricia a lot. Howard said they're like Ike and Tina Tanner. Shuli said they're making money on these songs. He said she's making bank with that Cameo thing. He said She gets 10-15 a day from people. He said they get back nothing like what they sent her to record.
Howard said he's had it with this song. Robin said this is the rap about her husband. Howard played more of the song and tried to get through it. They cut that part out of the song. Howard played a little more of the song and She was singing about making they money. Shuli did his impression of her after that.
Robin said She thinks She can do this now. Howard said She can. He said that she's making songs. Shuli asked who this guy couldn't make a good song with. Robin said She likes doing freestyle. Howard said he's had enough of that.
Shuli said She said She was going to do this as long as it took to get it done. He said an hour later She wanted to go home. He said she's one of a kind. Howard said She wants an instant hit. He said they got lucky with that first song. Robin said they didn't get lucky with that.
Howard had Shuli Mom leave them with a song. Shuli sang as Tanner Mom for a few seconds before Howard wrapped up. He said Shuli hung around with Tan Mom so long that he can do a great impression.
Shuli said he does movie scenes with her voice now. He did a scene from Scarface as Tan Mom. He did that and then did a scene from The Matrix as Tan Mom. Howard got a laugh out of that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's Chris Robinson. He said that guy is good. He said that's enough of that. Robin said he makes too much sense. She said the thing seems to be not to make sense at all.
Howard said he gets email from this site called AllAccess.com. He said he likes reading radio news. He said they were writing about this guy Chris Corley who died. He said this guy was only 55 years old and he lost his wife a few years ago. He said that he doesn't know this guy but when he saw he was only 55 it got him. He said this guy was a voice over guy and a radio guy. He said he was all over the country on radio stations. He said they're lucky they got to be in New York all these years but some guys don't get to do that. He said Chris was all over the place and had a nice career. He said he died of pancreatic cancer. He said he has a big voice and he must have had a charmed life.
Howard played some audio of Chris doing some voice over stuff. Howard said he has some voice. Robin said he must have gotten some work because she's heard that kind of stuff over and over again. Howard said that's what he wanted to do with his life. He said he wanted to do stuff just like that. He said he would walk around the house saying KCBQ and he didn't even know what that was.
Howard said he was living in West Virginia and there were three guys there. He said this one guy would wake up every morning and say KCBQ when he was doing his warm ups. Howard said he would hear the guy doing that every morning. He said they lived in this tiny house that was made of paper basically. He said they were on the side of a highway and it was really depressing. He said he was trying to get his first class radio/telephone license. He said it was a hard test to pass but he passed it. He said it was horrible.
Howard said he wanted to be on the radio so bad he went out and got that license. He said he doesn't know why but he got it. He said he can learn math when he has to. Howard said he was in this little shack with this guy and he would do the KCBQ thing and say his name was Charlie Tuna. He said the guy told him there was this guy in California who was named Charlie Tuna and he worked at KCBQ. He said he walked around trying to do that himself.
Howard said he got kind of sad reading about this guy dying at 55. He said it seems so young. Robin asked if he would live that life if he knew that he was going to die that young. Howard said no way. Howard said now the guy is dead and he had such a great voice. He said there you go.
Howard took a call from a woman who said She wanted to say She loves the show too. She said she's a new listener and they make her drive so much easier and funnier. She asked Howard if he ever had a thing for Robin. Howard said he does have a thing for her. He said they used to bang but not so much anymore. He said he dumped her when She got cancer. He said he had sex with her for many years and then got bored with her. He said he got pissed when She stopped letting him spank her. He told her to read his book.
Howard took a call from a guy who was speaking really fast like the caller two calls before. He was going on and on like She was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Richard Christy has been vindicated by the CEO of Levis for not washing his jeans. Howard said he heard about that and has a clip to play. He said they did vindicate Richard with this. Howard played the clip and the guy said that you should never put jeans in a washing machine. He said that you can hand wash or spot clean them. The host said that freezing them is something that they say kills the germs. The CEO said that's an old wives tale. Howard said those Levi offices must smell great. He said he doesn't know about that. He said he'd say just wash them once in a while.
Robin said there's something wrong with the product if you can't launder it. She said get to work and make them washable. Howard said Richard is just gross. He said he didn't change his socks for 6 days recently. He played a song parody about Richard's disgusting habits.
Howard said Mel B was in the news and She admitted She had sex with Geri Halliwell. Howard said She was Baby Spice. Robin said She was Ginger Spice, not Baby. Howard said Mel told Piers Morgan that. He said the guys went back and found that Geri did admit to having lesbian sex but didn't say with who. He played a clip of Geri talking about that on the show. She never said who it was with. Robin said in the clip it was probably one of the other Spice Girls.
Howard said that was from March of 2003. Robin said this show has become like an encyclopedia. She said you can verify stuff with the show. Robin said She was reading about stuff that people have discovered about themselves on this show. Robin said Jenny McCarthy discovered something about herself on the show when She realized She wasn't enjoying her life anymore.
Howard said the fans have been nice enough to pre-order his book. He said people are trying to figure out who his favorite interview of all time is. He said someone said Robert Plant. He read some others that said Jerry Seinfeld and others. Robin asked if he tells them in the book. Howard said he does. He said he names his favorite in the book.
Howard played a promo for the book Howard Stern Comes Again.
Gary said Benjy has a question about the book. He said he thinks it's a good question. Benjy got on the microphone and asked if it's Howard doing his best job or is it the best guest. Howard said he points out that he goes home and thinks about the interview. He said after this one he thought he had done it perfectly. He said the guest was perfect. He said it was a perfect interview. Gary asked if he can guess who it was. Howard said no. He said he might have inside information.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said you have to wash your fucking jeans. He said no on is doing what that guy said. He said just wash them in cold water. Robin said he probably has every pair of Levis that they have ever made. He said Richard is wearing them every day. That guy probably isn't.
Howard read more email and had some about Mike Pearlman coming in and talking about being shot. Howard read some of the feedback about Ronnie's comments about him not being able to tell a story. Robin said that was kind of a weird attack.
Howard said he has to take a break and get to Def Leppard. He said one thing he didn't get to was Mike having less than $100 on him when he had a gun pointed at him. He said you don't know if the guy is going to use the gun so just give the guy the money. Robin said he apparently didn't have common sense. Howard said no one who works there has common sense. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said Def Leppard is there. He said it's good to have them there. He asked if they're there for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction. The guys said they are. Howard asked if they care about that. The guys said they do now. Howard said something about that whole thing bothers him. He said he inducted Bon Jovi last year and it took too long for them to get in. He said they should be in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame if they sold so many albums. The guys asked what that's all about. Howard said he has no idea. He said there was a time in his life where he was a DJ playing their songs every third song. He said they were dominating. He said they must have been the top band in the world at the time. The guys said they may have been.
Howard asked the guys if they knew they when they were eligible to be in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. The guys said they really weren't following it. Joe (I think) said they were told about 3 years in that they were eligible. He said they stopped caring about being in there because they were being asked so often. Joe said he thinks before the fan vote it was a very elitist thing. He said that they didn't want them before that.
Howard said there seems to be a snobbery there. Howard said he saw them at the Beacon theater a few years ago. The guys said it was 2003 actually. Howard said that's crazy. He said that was a great show. The guys thanked him for that.
Howard said they have sold 100 million records worldwide. He said that Joe was an art student before the band. He asked if his career was guided before music. Joe said that's been slightly exaggerated. He said that he wanted to be a lot of things that he wasn't. Howard said they had to be obsessed with music. Joe said they were but art was better than math, history and geography.
Howard asked when you know you can make money. Joe said when you see some band on Top of the Pops playing. He said the punk thing came along and that's when they knew. He said The Clash made a great noise but they weren't able to play that well. Howard said punk was very inspirational. He said it was about the energy. Joe said you strip it down to the guitar solos. Howard said the Ramones were an amazing band. One of the guys said they took a lot from punk bands actually.
Howard said the guys used to cover a lot of David Bowie. He said he was big for Joe. Joe said they played Suffragette City a lot. Howard said he loved Bowie. He played some of the song. He said he had great energy. Howard asked if Bowie was the reason he wanted to be a rock star. Joe said that Bowie was part of it but there were others like Mark Bowlen. He said Mark had a band and it was okay. He said Bowie had the Spiders from Mars and it was Ronson, Woody and others who were like a gang. He said with Bowlen they had a rock star. He said Bowie had the whole band. Howard asked if everyone wanted to be in a band. The guys said they did for sure. They said it's more like being in a gang.
Howard said he wanted to be with other people on radio too. He said he can hide if he fucks up. He said someone is going to be funny that day.
Howard said when they find each other some are in the band Atomic Mass. The guys said they were in a school band. One of the guys said that sort of morphed into Def Leppard. He said that when they got together Joe had the art work for Def Leppard. He said that was already waiting. Howard said Joe made up band names. Joe said he spelled it Deaf Leopard. He said they never wrote it out. He said they said it looked like Led Zeppelin after they crossed out letters.
Howard said you need a good name. Joe said that it was phonetically friendly. He said it's like going to a horse race and they all have stupid names but if they keep winning then it's okay. He said it's good they didn't become Epileptic Donkey.
Howard said Rick Rubin had to ask permission to use Def in Def Jam Records. Joe said they asked their management and never asked them so they never got anything out of it. Howard said he didn't know a manager could do that.
Howard said they weren't a Bowie cover band but he was part of it. The guys said he was an influence. Howard said they say that they were influenced by Space Odyssey. Howard asked if Joe went to play that on guitar when he was learning. Joe said that would have been tough.
Howard said you need to have some sort of teacher for guitar. Phil said that you really only need three chords. He said that if you can do this you can play any song. He played some stuff for Howard to demonstrate. Howard asked if you need to be good at math to be good at guitar. The guys all said no. Howard said he thought there was something to that.
Howard asked if the motivation was to be famous or good song writers. Joe said it's to be good song writers. Phil agreed. Joe said that they grew up in an era that was great. He said what they did was see black and white turn into color. He said they saw these bands in black and white and then Bowie in color and it was mind blowing. He said it was sensory overload on the eyes.
Howard said that he's watched the guys on stage with Bowie and they were singing with Queen and all of these other performers. Howard said they sang backup for Bowie. Joe said that was great. Howard asked if it was weird to be up on stage with his hero like that. Joe said to look across seeing Queen and Bowie and all of these guys it was something you don't want to lose. Phil said you have to pinch yourself.
Howard asked if it was a big blow to them when they heard about Bowie dying. Joe said his phone was blowing up and he turned on the news and saw what happened. Howard asked what it was about Bowie. Joe said it was everything about him. Howard asked when he first met him. Joe said he met him at Bono's house. Howard said look at you dropping names. Joe said Bono invited him to his house and he's not far from him. He said that he invited him into a room and showed him who was there. He said Bono said he thought he might like 5 minutes with him.
Joe said he went to see Bowie the next night and he gave him a recording of a song that he had given away to another band. Howard wondered why he would give away a song like that. Joe said that he tried the song and it didn't work. He said it was just another song at the time.
Howard asked Joe about going to Bono's house and meeting Bowie. He said he escorts him in and surprises him with Bowie. He asked if Bowie was in on that. Joe said he was. He said it got even better. He said Edge wasn't there so Bowie said they should go surprise him. He said they hopped in a Mini Cooper and they drive to the restaurant to sing to The Edge. He said they got in the car and drove back home. He said that Bowie's assistant went mental thinking they had kidnapped him but it was the other way around.
Howard asked if that's the best part of being famous when they get to hang with guys like that. Joe said Brian May was the same way. He said he came in and introduced himself like they didn't know who he was.
Howard said it's mind blowing when someone like Freddie Mercury dies. He asked if the guys saw the movie. They said they did and they were impressed with the guy who played Freddie. Howard said they were so right on with the Live Aid performance. They said that was the first thing they filmed for that movie.
Howard asked if they ever got to meet Freddie. Phil said Joe did. He told Howard about how they went to see Queen play and Brian said Freddie is in there and Joe ended up going into the room to meet him. Howard asked why he doesn't bring his mates in there. Joe said that's not something you do.
Howard said Brian May is going to induct them into the hall of fame. He asked if they picked him to do that. Joe said they did. Howard asked if Brian is underrated as a guitar player. They said he is. Howard said he heard he uses a coin as a pick. Phil said he does. He said that's why he uses a metal pick himself. Howard asked him to demonstrate that on his guitar. Phil did that and Howard said it gives it a grittier sound.
Howard said they have that similar sound to Queen. The guys said they were trying to emulate the way they made their records. Howard asked if they wanted to do that when they went into the studio with Mutt Lang. They said Mutt would tell them that.
Howard said as a tribute to David Bowie who is gone they're going to cover one of his songs. Howard said Joe actually got to meet him. Howard asked if they ever asked Joe to include them in things. One of the guys said no. Phil said they have one dressing room when they're on tour. He said that keeps things equal.
Howard asked if Brian is going to induct everyone or just Joe into the Hall of Fame. The guys all laughed. Joe said that Brian asked what they want him to say. Joe said they just told him to say what he wants. He said just speak from the heart.
Howard said Joe said that he wants ''All the Young Dudes'' played at his funeral. Joe said there are three songs. He mentioned which ones they are. He said that one has bagpipes in it so that sounds like a coffin kind of song.
Howard said as a tribute to David Bowie they're going to cover Ziggy Stardust. Howard asked why they're doing it. They said that's what they wanted them to cover. They said they have recorded and released it. Joe said they have a gift for Howard later too. He said that they were in another band years ago and they did a live album so they brought him a copy. He said this song is on it. Howard had them perform their song.
After the performance Howard said that was beautiful. He asked if they still get a charge out of playing. The guys said they do. They said they love it. Howard said he read some crazy stat. He said they went out with Journey last summer and it grossed some crazy amount of money. He said it sold over 1 million tickets. He said it was the number 2 tour of 2018. The guys asked what band was number 1. Howard said they should know that.
Howard asked the guys how it was with Journey. The guys said they were great. Howard said he never did like Steve Perry. He said he was mean to him. Joe said they did 60 gigs with them and it was great. Howard said that it must be exhausting to go out on tour. Joe said if you pace yourself well anything is doable. Howard said you can't do them all in a row. Joe said they bitch and moan about playing Denver because it's so high out there. He said they like playing sea level.
Howard said their third album broke wide open for them. He asked if they wanted to break up before that. Joe said not really. He said that most bands they were into didn't break until their 5th album. He said back then they were allowed to take time to grow.
Howard asked who signed them. Joe said it was Polygram over in England. Howard asked how they got heard. Joe said that John Peale heard them. He said that he gave him a tape and he heard it and called him the next Monday. He said he played a song every night for five nights in a row and that got attention.
Howard said the record company didn't pressure them back then. Joe said that stared in the 90s. Phil said they were being nurtured. He said that's how things worked back then.
Joe said they really dug in by the third album. Howard said Pyromania had major hits on it. He said it's pretty remarkable. Howard asked why it all gelled like that. Phil said MTV happened. Joe agreed. Phil said they looked like Duran Duran so that had a lot of appeal too.
Howard played some of their song ''Photograph.'' Howard asked if they remember recording that. Phil said that son was a nightmare. Joe said it was just so involved. He said the orchestration of the guitars and all of that was tough. Howard said there is a lot going on in that song. He played more of it. He asked if it was worth it after their heard the finished product. Phil said that Mutt worked them hard on that one.
Joe said at some stages they have to throw things at Mutt. Howard said he didn't know about Mutt until these guys. He said he was essential to the band. Joe said they sat down as six people and had conversations about the songs they were doing. Howard said that song was the top beat on MTV and it reached number 12 on the Billboard top 100.
Howard played some of their ''Rock of Ages'' song and asked if they remember that. Joe said that's Mutt doing the countdown. Howard said he knew that. He said people love that countdown too.
Howard said he loves Foolin too. He asked if they were easy songs to write. Joe said it was all difficult. He said once they got something down a light bulb came on and it sounded good to them so it gave them enthusiasm to do it in a certain way.
Howard asked if they had any songs that were easy to write. Joe said they had some like that. He said they had this song they recorded in 5 minutes that became a hit. He said it was Two Steps Behind. Howard said they labored over the rest of their songs. They said they did.
Howard asked how long it took to do an album. The guys said that the song Animal took 3 years to finish. Phil said they had a song they did really quick that was a big hit. That was ''Pour Some Sugar On Me.'' Howard said there must have been a lot of pressure to do that album. He asked if Joe came up with that quickly. Joe said he came up with the riff quickly and the chorus too. Howard said the album was almost done by then. One of the guys said the record company didn't want them to put that song on the album. Howard said Mutt said they had something there. Phil said they asked for 2 more weeks to do that song and they'd have it done.
Howard asked the guys to perform ''Pour Some Sugar On Me.'' They said they know that one. They went right into the song.
After the song Howard said that the boys still have it. He said they're on to something. Joe said at this time of morning... holy shit. Howard said you never hear anyone doing harmonies anymore. He said they have it down. Joe said these guys are great at backing vocals. Howard asked the guys if they do any other harmonies. They do it for Armageddon It. They did some of that song where they harmonize. Howard said ''wow!'' to that. Howard said the guys can play and sing too. He said the odds are a billion to one these days. Phil said back in the day they all sang.
Howard said that guitar sound in Pour Some Sugar On Me was really great. He asked what that was. Phil demonstrated. Howard asked how many hours he has to practice to do that. Phil said he can show him how to do it in an hour. Howard said every time he hears those sounds it resonates a certain way. He said it does matter how you play. Howard said they say you need 10,000 hours of practice to master it. Howard asked Phil if that's what he did. Phil said he did. He said he did play a lot but he had time for friends too.
Howard asked if they sang in chorus or anything. Joe said he was in the school choir. He said everyone was in it. Phil said he wasn't in it.
Howard asked what the pressure it like after a big hit album like Pyromania. He said they must ask you to follow up that album. He said it worked for them. Phil said Mutt was there and he told them that they can't make Pyromania part 2. He said they just followed him. He said there wasn't pressure in that way. Howard said Mutt ended up abandoning them. Joe said it wasn't like that. He said in 1983 they were having a talk and Mutt said why can't they have 7 hits on their album. Joe said they were working from there. Howard asked why Mutt walked away from them. He said they had a lot of bad shit happening with them. Howard said they must have been burned out. He said Rick lost his arm. He said that must have been a mind fuck. He said then Mutt walks away from them. Joe said that Mutt was burned out. He said he wasn't busy. He said he tried to set them up with someone else with a bunch of songs ready to go.
Howard asked Rick if he thought he'd never be ale to play gain. Rick said he did. He said he found the power of the human spirit. He said everyone was behind him. He said then Mutt came to visit him in the hospital. He said he asked him to come and help them. He said he's not sure if he had any influence on him but he did come on board.
Howard asked if Ricks's drum set weighs a lot more than a regular set. Rick said he is making things more simple now. He said as he gets older he is getting more simple. Howard asked why it has to weigh so much more. Rick said he keeps falling into it. He said he likes it all set up the same night so they have to bolt it together. He said sometimes they just leave him in there.
Howard said it's a remarkable story about him coming back and playing. Howard asked when he said he was going to go try. Rick said he stopped comparing himself to how he used to play. He said he just went with being unique. He said it was such a weight lifted. Howard asked when he went and sat down and played. Rick said he was in the hospital for about a month and someone drove him to this place. He said this guy was building pedals for him and he sat in the store and played for 3 or 4 minutes. He said he was exhausted. He said that lit the spark. He said he was supposed to be in the hospital for 6 months but he was just there for one. He said his recovery was really quick. He said everything just worked out. He said he went straight for the drum kit and got to it. He said he slept for about a week after that.
Phil said that Rick had a drummer with him and the first gig they were doing the guy came in halfway through. He said the guy showed up and Rick was doing his thing just fine so he knew they didn't need him. Rick said the place they were playing had a stage too small for 2 kits so they just used one drum kit. Rick said he gave it a crack alone. Howard said he overcame some adversity there.
Howard said the only good thing that came out of it was the nurse who found him. He asked about the seat belt cutting his arm off. Rick said he left through the sunroof and the belt cut his arm off. He said this nurse found him. He said she was in the car behind him. He said it's one of those angels on earth kind of stories. Howard said he heard the nurse married the doctor who worked on him. Rick said that the cop was off duty and the nurse was there. He said the two of them married. Howard said that's crazy. He said if you wrote it in a movie that would have been too crazy.
Rick said they tried to reattach his arm and that didn't work. Joe said he was attached and the arm was warm. Howard said the nurse just happened to have ice in the car so she saved it. Rick said when he came around he didn't know what had gone on. He said he was out of it the whole time.
Howard asked if they were doing the album around that time. Joe said they were. He said they basically threw it all away and started over again. He said they let Rick recuperate. Rick said he was given that time and he didn't feel the pressure from them. He said he felt it from within. Howard said he said something that is going to stay with him. He said he said he had to reinvent himself. Rick said he thought about what he could have done if he hadn't lost his arm. He said he figured he'd be fine. He said they're all on a good trajectory now.
Howard asked if he still feels the arm. Rick said he does. Joe told him to tell the story about the nurse. Rick said the arm had a mind of its own. He said the arm went up the nurse's skirt at one point. He said he had lost his arm and it was like it was still there and it was like static electricity and the nurse felt that it was going up her dress. He said he told her that he wasn't able to control it. He said she said she did feel it. Howard said he thought he was jerking him off during Pour Some Sugar On Me. Rick said he's never heard of that before.
Howard said he hears that they can feel the limb but never the other person feeling it. Rick said for about 2 weeks there was a physical presences. He said he wishes he still had that. Howard said this really inspires him. He said that they're there for each other and they are patient with each other. He said that's so great. Rick said it's the down times that build character. Howard said the band has amazing history.
Howard said they worked with another guy who had worked on Meatloaf albums. He said Mutt came back when that didn't work out. Joe said that Hysteria was really rough coming together. He said Mutt had a car accident too. Joe said he had the mumps at that time too.
Howard said that maybe you get sick trying to do an album with so much pressure. Joe said he agrees with him on that. He said if you ask someone about what their life was like the past 40 years they might tell you the negatives. He said their highs won't come close to what they have had.
Howard said he wrote a book about his highs and lows. He said he never expects things to go wrong. He said things do go wrong though.
Joe said they are just writing great songs and having a good time. He said when something goes wrong they will focus on to that. He said they don't focus on that too much.
Howard said everyone gets into rock because of women. He said it has to be a driving force. Phil said there were like 3 guys greeting them outside this morning. Howard said he didn't try hard enough to get them women.
Howard asked if they were surprised at how many women were throwing themselves at them. Phil said Motley Crue had it better than they did. Howard said he thought Joe had a story about getting a blow job or something. Joe asked what one of those is. Joe said they did long guitar parts and they would have the occasional guest down there during the show. Phil said all of that is a myth. Howard said he heard that Van Halen was getting that during shows. He said he wants to see them perform.
Phil said that they did spend years making those albums so they were out there to perform. He said there was a working class thing that they all had. He said it's slightly different with them. Joe said ''However...'' Howard said he heard that there was a mother and daughter who did something. Joe said they have a lot of women at their shows. He said they don't all go around the back though. He said these days they're all married with kids.
Howard said that the whole world has changed. He thanked the guys for coming in so early in the morning. He congratulated them on the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction. He said that's well deserved. Howard said he loves their love of David Bowie. He said he heard Joe is friends with Robert Plant too. Joe said they text each other when the football scores go a certain way.
Howard asked if it's important to be friends with other lead singers. Joe said it's not. He said he has other friends. He said that he and Robert don't talk music. He said they talk football. Phil said that's ''Soccer, man.'' Joe said he and Robert were having a meal together one day and this kid looked at them and went ''Nah.'' like it couldn't be them.
Howard said he had to go to Cleveland to do the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. He said these guys are in Brooklyn this year. Howard said Jon Bon Jovi asked him to induct the band and he said it was fine but he didn't tell him it was in Cleveland. Howard said it was an exciting night. Joe said he told him... at Bono's house.
One of the guys said that they'd hop into a laundry cart to get to the stage when they were planing in the round. He said Robert once pushed them in a cart out to the stage.
Howard said he had Robert Plant on the show and he was telling him how much he loved him and he looked like he wanted to throw him out a window. He said Jimmy Page wants to talk about the band but not Robert. Joe said he has moved on from the band. Howard said he loves that he wheeled him on to the stage.
Joe said he went to play a show that Robert asked him to play up in Albany once. He said he flew on his private jet and he ended up throwing up on that jet. He said he went on stage and did the microphone check for Robert. He said the kids in the crowd were looking at him like they thought it might be him but went ''Nah.''
Howard asked if they're really still into playing. Phil said it never gets old. He said it's still exciting. Rick said the same thing. Joe said the lights going down before the show never gets old. Howard said some guys get sick of it. Joe said they should quit then. Howard said Billy Joel still loves playing his residency.
Howard asked if they ever hear something like Taylor Swift doing their song and think it wasn't so great. The guys said they love that. They said it's a crossover. Howard said he thinks they need Joe singing that. Joe said that was an awesome mix. Howard said TV does the worst job mixing. He said never let them mix the music. Paul said they don't let them mix it sometimes.
Howard said Tom Cruise did Rock of Ages for some movie. Joe said they actually saw it. He said they went into this basement and he was up there doing it when they walked in. Howard said Tom had balls to do that in front of them. He played some of that performance too.
Howard said as he was saying thank you for getting up early. Joe said don't ever ask them again. Howard said some of them look like they fell asleep. Howard asked if Vivian is okay. Vivian said he's okay over there. Howard said he has to let them go. He said he wants to congratulate them on getting into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. He said watch that. He said they're hitting Vegas for a residency out there. Howard said try to behave out there. Joe said this is their second one actually. Howard said that's happening this summer. He said go to DefLeppard.com for tickets. Robin asked how long that lasts. Joe said it's like 3 and a half weeks.
The guys said they get to play some songs they don't usually get to play out there. Howard had a list of songs for them to play. It was their hits. Joe said they'll be playing the crown jewels.
Howard said he wants to warn women to watch out for Ricks's phantom arm. He said he's not sure if that's considered sexual harassment or not.
Howard asked the guys if they have anything they want to say. Joe said thanks for having them. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
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Howard said Apple made that big announcement yesterday. He said Jon Hein was talking about it with him. He said he's not sure what that was about. He asked what happened to the conferences where they invent an iPod or something. He said he saw Oprah there. He said he's not sure what she's doing there. Robin said she's doing the same thing she did for XM. Howard said she came to XM twice and that was it. He said she has her own channel on TV but now she's doing stuff for Apple. Howard said he'd be pissed about her doing that if he owned her channel. Robin said she had all kinds of shows that no one wanted to hear. She said this is exactly what this is going to be. She said they talked about some shows that sound unwatchable.
Howard had Jon Hein come into talk about that. He said Oprah sold Apple two documentaries that no one wants to see. Jon came in and said there are two. He said one is about workplace harassment. Jon said she was the big closer yesterday. He said they had these big people there and no one knows what they're doing. Howard asked why they're not concentrating on the tech. Jon said the iPhone sales aren't what they once were. He said they're concentrating on services now. Robin said when you're like apple and you have this innovation that gets the market saturated you have to find new things. She said they're now an entertainment company. Howard said it's great for performers. He said that it's great for people getting jobs from this. He said Netflix is amazing too.
Howard said the thing is that they're kind of late to the party. He said they did this radio streaming thing too and that had already happened with Pandora and Spotify. Jon said lately their products don't have that exciting feel anymore. He said the Apple News thing was okay. He said the Apple Card is a credit card. He said he's not sure why they're doing that.
Howard said the big surprise used to be an iPod or something. Yesterday it was Oprah. Robin said she's also bringing her book club to Apple. Howard said the guy who runs her network must be pissed. He asked if she needs money.
Jon said this whole thing is very confusing with the channels. Howard said he thought that Tim Cook was going to come out and say that they have a new product where they teleport someone. He said that's what he expects. Robin said they're just doing what everyone else is doing.
Howard said he wants the invisibility cloak. He said he wants a phantom arm like Ricks's. Robin said she looks at this and wonders how this is different than Hulu or Netflix. She said they're not bringing something different. Howard said they have Oprah. Jon said he thinks you can just get everything through that one app. He said everyone wants to be the one app. Robin said they want to be the cable of streaming.
Howard said he's not sure why they're not inventing cool stuff. He said it's crazy. He said everyone's answer is Oprah. He said XM thought they'd have Oprah on every day. He said she showed up TWICE! He asked what the fuck is going on. He said now he's watching a documentary about workplace harassment. Jon said she's a genius if you think about it.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he's okay with them being an entertainment company but their launches are boring. He said they announce this stuff and there is no pricing or anything. He asked why they're announcing it. Howard said he's turning on Apple now. Ralph said he turned on them long ago. Howard said it sounds like this stuff isn't being thought out. Jon said they announced it too early.
Jon said when Steve Jobs came out it was something special. Ralph said they waited for things to work before they brought it out. He said now they just throw shit out there. Ralph said he's just pissed. Robin said that Amazon Fire is already out and now they come limping along.
Ralph said that Alexa is out and then they come out with Home Pod years later and it's not that good. Howard said Siri sucks. Ralph said she's a dumb cunt. He said that Alexa works great and gives you the right information but Siri doesn't.
Ralph said it's great if they want to make money but they must be done innovating stuff. Robin said they must not be that company anymore. Ralph said they keep putting out the same phones. He said no one cares about the facial recognition. Howard said he loves it. He said he cracked three phones with that.
Jon said they do hardware and this is all software now. Howard asked if Gary's saying that this is a bit of stumble is right. Ralph said that he said it was in a lot of ways a stumble. Howard said that was about the iPad which was great. Fred played a clip of Gary saying that line about the stumble.
Howard said he has to move on. Ralph said they already had that stuff in one place. He said they have to get their shit together. Howard cut him off and moved on. Jon said for Ralph to be off the Apple bandwagon is something. Howard said Jon hasn't been this upset since Burger King changed their ice. Jon said Sonic has the best ice. He said he's not sure if they have changed. He said their ice lasts forever. He said McDonald's has good ice too.
Howard said Jon has a new stubble look. He said he has that look now. Jon said he's just trying it out. He said he'll probably keep it like that. He said he's going to see what his wife says. Jon said he has no idea how to use his trimmer. Fred played the Miami Vice theme song. Howard didn't know what that was.
Howard said he trims his beard with a trimmer too. He said he does his balls and bush with that too. He said he doesn't care.
Howard said Benjy said that he thinks Jon looks sexy with that stubble. Howard had Jon Hein clips on the phone to talk about ice. He let the guys play clips of Jon talking about the best ice cubes at fast food restaurants. A short time later Howard let Jon go and told him to hold on to that stubble.
Fred played a Lenny Dykstra intro for Robin too. Robin started her news with a story about a British Airways flight where they ended up going the wrong way. Robin said they ended up in Scotland instead of Germany. Robin said the pilots thought that's where they were supposed to go.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's so sick of Oprah. She asked who needs a book club on Apple TV. She went off on her about that for a minute. She also said she loves Jon Hein on the Wrap Up Show. She said she sang on the Wrap Up Show and they have to pull that tape. Howard said he didn't know he sang. Gary said he was good. He said they all did song parodies and he sang one about this hair cut. Gary said it was called Almost Lost My Hair. Howard said he would like to hear that.
Robin read a story about some celebrities standing up for waitresses. She said they want them to get the usual minimum wage. Howard said he's with them on that. Robin had some names of celebrities who are standing for them. Robin said that restaurants are saying that would change the restaurant industry and spell doom for businesses.
Robin read a story about Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter calling her mom out on social media for posting a picture of her without her permission. Robin said Apple is upset about that and called her mom out about it. Howard said he gets that. He said he talks about some of that in his book. He said he used to put the kids on the air and stuff. He said he talks about his philosophy on that.
Howard got the clip of Jon Hein singing a song parody for the Wrap Up Show. He liked what he heard. Howard said that was Blob Dylan or Justin Blubber. He said he thought they were supposed to be talking about him on that show. He said not to bust up the party but it should be Jon singing about Howard's hair. He said he'll give them a stern lecture out there. Howard had a clip of Gary singing a song parody about Memet. Howard said Gary is fighting with everyone on the staff.
Robin read a story about DMX getting out of jail after he was in there for tax fraud. Robin read some details about his release. She said he has 15 kids. She had some audio of some of his music for Howard to play. Howard said DMX had a religious conversion in prison. He said he said he would fuck someone up in the name of Jesus. He had a clip to play from some show he was on talking about that. DMX was talking about how he is God's child and he will fuck you up in the name of Jesus. Howard said everything that guy does is good. Robin said they didn't give him enough of the bible to read. She said he needs to study some more.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was on the web site and she read about Mike who was shot. She said he is a good looking guy compared to Memet. She said they should have Mike in the studio more. Howard asked if she's saying he's the best looking guy on the show. Howard asked Robin to tell them who the best looking guy is. Robin said she's not sure why she has to do that. Howard asked Fred. Fred said he might agree with this woman. He said Steve is a good looking guy but he's too white bread. He said Memet might be too skinny. Howard said mike is very tall. The caller said Memet looks like a delivery boy from a grocery store. Howard said Andy Cohen was also asking about Mike in the hall.
Howard said he'll have Chris Wilding figure out the best looking guy. He said he's so straight he doesn't even think about that. Chris came in and said he has a ruling. He said the best looking guy on staff is very simple. Chris said that the hottest guy on the staff is Memet Walker. He said he has the best overall look. He said Mike is good looking. He said he would probably give him a great fuck. Gary said Memet is beaming like he just won an award. Chris said Memet has the look and the swagger. He said he has his way.
Howard had Memet come in to accept his award. Memet came in and accepted it. Chris said he has a hot look even now. Memet said he doesn't want this award but he appreciates it. He said he doesn't agree with it. He said he'd rather they give it to Steve Nowicki. Howard asked if Chris is thinking about sex. Chris said he is thinking about blowing him until completion. Chris said that he would blow him but then he'd say that he doesn't like him inside.
Gary said they were talking to some people and they had a special term for Memet. He said they said he would be a bitch bottom boy. Memet said that he thought Chris was going to say Will was the best looking. He said they get very flirty out there. Chris said that Will is someone he'd fuck in a heartbeat but Memet is younger. He said he'd drink Will's load. Howard told him to go back there and do that.
Robin read a story about A-Rod and J-Lo's engagement and how another woman has come forward saying that A-Rod just texted her weeks before their engagement asking her to do stuff with him. Howard said J-Lo may not be that great a judge of who she marries. He said she hasn't had a good record there. Robin said they say that they have texts from A-Rod to this other woman where he was flirting with her and wanting to do a threesome. Howard said this girl has been married 4 times. He said at some point it's a joke. He said she's getting up there like Elizabeth Taylor.
Robin read as story about a new book coming out about The View and many people had trouble with Barbara Walters. Robin read some details about that. She told Howard some stories about who had issues with Barbara. Robin said that Rosie O'Donnell said that she was in love with Elisabeth on the show. She said that they did fight a lot and she thought that it was tension between them. Howard said he gets that. He said he's been around her too. He said she's got a killer body. He said he had sexual tension with her too. He said she doesn't know it but he did have tension in his underpants.
Robin read a story about some people going to court over this investigation into college payoffs. Robin said they have the alleged ringleader going to court today in Boston. Robin said he will be pleading guilty. Robin said that he was cooperating with the police and they recorded him with old clients who he got to give themselves up. Robin said that Betsy DeVos is looking into the scandal now too.
Robin read a story about the President being ecstatic about the Mueller report. She said many are saying he wasn't exonerated in the report but Trump thinks he was. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how this can't happen to another president again. Robin said he wants it all to go away. Robin said the democrats are trying to get the whole report released. Robin said just leave it alone and get over it. Howard said he's glad they did the investigation. He said they did catch Manafort and others. He said he doesn't need to see that report. He said get on with the business of running the country. He said there are other investigations going on. He said maybe they'll get him for something criminal. Howard said there are people who wonder why he didn't interview Donald Trump Jr. He said they have to get him in a room and ask about that. Robin said the democrats are going to get Trump reelected if they don't let it go.
Robin said she was just handed a breaking news story. Howard had Fred play some special music for her. Robin said the criminal case involving Jussie Smollette has been dropped. Howard asked if people were too quick to judgment. Robin said all charges have been dropped and he will not be prosecuted. Robin said they ran to court this morning and found out that the charges were being dropped. Robin said he has agreed to do community service though. Robin said the prosecution's case fell apart apparently. Robin said the check and the two brothers involved in the attack have fallen apart. Robin said she's not sure what happened there.
Robin read a story about Rudy Giuliani who is saying that this Mueller report came out better than expected. Robin said that's an odd thing to say. Robin said he went on CNN with Chris Cuomo the other night. She said that they're asking who got it the most wrong. Robin said there was a lot of speculating going on. Robin said Rudy was demanding an apology. She had some audio of him doing that. The two were arguing about who should or shouldn't apologize. Howard said CNN should wash Rudy's feet on camera.
Robin read a story about Michael Avenatti being arrested. Howard said he was looking for him to be Robin's husband. Robin said he's being charged on both coasts for using a client's money to fund a lavish lifestyle. Robin had some audio of someone talking about Avenatti. Robin said he's being accused of trying to extort Nike and for bank and wire charges. Robin had a lot of details about that. Howard had a fake Michael Avenatti song parody about Robin.
Robin read a story about the FDA looking into breast implant safety. Robin said they are meeting with implant makers and plastic surgeons to talk about the medical complications from implants. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the problems women have had. Howard said Robin is all natural. He said he just wanted to say that. Howard said don't tell Brent's wife until after they feel her up.
Robin read a story about eating and smoking pot and which one gives the bigger high. Howard said he's not sure which one would give the bigger high. He said he thinks eating it. Robin said they say consuming it leads to more severe symptoms according to a study that was done. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how you can overdose on edibles.
Robin read a story about the voting being delayed on a bill that would have legalized marijuana in New Jersey. Robin had audio of the governor talking about how he's going to continue to fight to legalize it. Robin said it won't happen in New York this year either. Robin said you can't smoke pot recreationally. She said that you can have doctor assisted suicide though. Howard said he wants that just in case. He said he'll try to stay alive but he doesn't want to be a mess. Robin said she's not sure what that means. Howard said if it's just his head and his body has rotted away he would like that injection. He said if he can only move his pinkie he wants to be able to die. Howard said he'll know when he's ready to go. He said in the shape he's in now they should probably put him down. He said he loves living and being with his kids but you can lose all dignity and you should be able to ask for your doctor to put you down. Robin said here will be some procedure to go through. She said you may change your mind.
Robin said back in the day there were rock stars who teamed up with Wrestlemania. She said they have moved on from that. Robin said now Colin Jost and Michael Che are joining a Wrestlemania event. Howard said Trump used to do it all the time. Robin said he and Vince McMahon mixed it up. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's somewhat confused by their justice system. He said he was wondering what the fuck is going on. He said all joking aside with their Mueller report he doesn't get the hesitation in releasing it. He said 83 percent of the America people want it released. He said it doesn't matter which side you're on. He said put it out and let us see it. He said we paid for it with tax payer money. He said he's not sure why they don't leave it up to everyone in congress to figure out what's in the report. He said everyone wants to see it. He said it leaves a stink there. He said just release the thing. He said it makes it look like there must be a cover up of some sort. He said he wants to see it and get on with it. Robin said if it completely exonerates you then let it go. Howard said it gives him such a feeling that the country is a mess.
Howard said the other thing was the Jussie Smollett thing. He said he was reading about that and trying to follow what's going on there. He said the D.A. met with Michelle Obama's Aide something. Robin said she saw all kinds of names being thrown around with that. Robin said they say that influence was exercised too. Robin said it was the district attorney who decided not to bring charges. They also said the case fell apart. She said nothing like that was ever revealed later in the day. Howard said they say the dude is guilty but he says he's innocent but he's doing community service for something. Robin said that was already done. She said this whole thing doesn't make sense. She said his community service was stuffing envelopes at Jesse Jackson's place.
Howard said this is like Game of Thrones. He said there are too many characters and he can't follow it. He said it's just too weird. Robin said she's never seen white privilege used like this. She said it's not being used on a white person. Howard said now black people are gaming the system.
Howard said he's not sure why Justin Bieber is depressed being with that Hailey Baldwin. He said she is really hot. He said he should be happy for a minimum of 5 years. He said he'll get undepressed right away.
Howard said Alec Baldwin is stopping by today. He said they have a big show. He said they will also get to Brent and his wife Katelyn who are officially swingers. He said it finally happened. Howard said he believes Brent when he says it happened. He said Shuli thinks he got them to do it by forcing them into it.
Howard played the phony phone call they had fake Sarah Huckabee Sanders make to this guy about secession. She explained to the guy that if they do this then they get no assistance from the north. She told the guy what they'd have to do. She said they won't deal with the yankee treasury so they would have to have a new dollar bill. She told him they'd have to cut electricity for 2 days a week. She said that they have to use the bathroom outside in a hole. The guy eventually said that the north needs the south and the south needs the north. He hung up on Sarah.
Howard said that proves what he was saying. He said there is no secede. He said it won't work. He said they should have that word banned from their vocabulary.
Howard said that stupid asshole John Hinckley shot President Reagan and he's out of the mental hospital. He said he lives in his mom's house and he said that he paints and listens to music now. He had a quote from the guy where he talks about what he's up to. Howard said this guy is living the life he wants. He said he can't find the quote but he said something about what he does every day. He said he's doing what he does. He said the guy said he's happy as a clam. Howard said it shows the guy is crazy. He said he wants to lock his ass right up when he reads that. He said he says he's having trouble dating so that's a good thing. Howard thanked the ladies for making that tough on the guy.
Howard said he's calling on all women not to date John Hinckley. He said don't go broadcasting that or that you want to secede in the south.
Howard took a call from a guy calling in from Alabama. Howard asked if he wants to secede. The guy said sure he does. The caller said he enjoys listening to the show. Howard wished him luck with the secession.
Robin said they say that a couple of years ago Hinckley scared a women so much she called police on him. Robin said she would say he is having trouble with women. Howard said thank you to the ladies out there.
Howard said he should probably take a break so they can get to Brent's swinging segment. He said they'll get to that and a lot more. He went to break after that.
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Howard asked if they're in the hall of fame. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard said they should blow that fucker up. He said they should be in that hall of fame.
Howard said their song ''Shooting Star'' is a great song too. Fred played some of that. Howard said they should be in the hall of fame just for that. He said get those fuckers in there. He said he loved Def Leppard yesterday.
Howard said he went home thinking about Rick the drummer in Def Leppard. He said that stuck with him all night. He said he was telling his daughter about Rick. He said she knows their music but doesn't know he has just one arm. He said he told her the story. He said the seat belt ripped his arm off when he crashed his car. Robin said she has told him that. Howard said Ronnie won't wear his seat belt. He said Rick was so inspirational talking about how they reattached his arm and it didn't work. He said a nurse was following him and just happened to have ice in her car for a party she was on her way to. He said she stuck his arm in ice to save it in case they can reattach it. Robin asked if he believes in a higher power now. Howard said no because they weren't able to reattach it. He said he actually does. Or he doesn't want to say.
Howard said that whole other story about the nurse falling in love with the cop who showed up is another story. He said that's like a movie.
Howard said Rick had that story about the phantom arm with the arm that wasn't there. He said he was a gentleman there yesterday. He said he didn't put his phantom arm on her. Robin said she did get a hug but he didn't do anything with that phantom arm.
Howard said Rick said he went to a music store after a month in the hospital and learned how he was going to play again. He said he realized he can never have an arm again but he can play in a unique way. He said he figured out how to play with one arm. He said he was such a good guy he had another drummer try to play with the band. Robin said he went right to a music store after being in the hospital. She said that's the passion they have for what they created.
Howard said Rick was playing with his feet. He said he just figured it out. He said there's a movie in that or at least a book. He said he'd like to have Rick just come in by himself and talk about that. He said he's so upbeat. Robin said she would love to see him play drums by himself. Howard said anyone who has tried to play the drums knows how tough it is. He said there's a double tap you have to do and he's not sure how you compensate without an arm. He said he probably had to rebuild his whole body a certain way. He said it's a remarkable story.
Howard said they went to commercial and he had like 2 minutes to talk to the guys. He said he went over and talked to Rick in the corner. He said Rick felt good about the morning. He said they had a couple of laughs and he's such an upbeat guy. He said what a remarkable story.
Howard said he felt great talking to those guys. He said they got a lot of great feedback about the interview too. He read through some of that and people were talking about how they saw them in 1984 and haven't seen so many flashing boobs in any concert. Howard read more about their great performances and the great interview.
Howard said they were really inspirational and great guys. Robin said they seem to get along too.
Howard said the TV crew did a great job with that. He said they put out both performances on the app. He said the new guitar player Vivian is good. Fred said he really is a great player. Howard said Phil is a great guitar player too. He said they had a lot going down in those two minutes of break.
Howard played the guy's playing ''Pour Some Sugar On Me'' from yesterday. He said even Joe talking about writing that song was great. He said they just needed two more weeks to work on that song and it becomes one of their biggest hits. He said they were great with the harmonies and the discussions about David Bowie. He played their cover of the Bowie song ''Ziggy Stardust.'' Howard said that interview was a lot of fun.
Howard read some email about Tan mom's new song ''Money Maka.'' He said they heard it there yesterday as an exclusive. Howard played some of that. Robin said she loves how last time she wanted to straighten something out but now she's about to start something.
Howard read an email from a woman who said her boyfriend wanted to break up with her for signing Tan Mom's ''Free to Be.'' Howard read a few more emails about the new song.
Howard said he sat down with Simon and Schuster and they're trying to figure out what shows he should do. He said he's in a lucky position because most shows want to have him on. He said a lot of people can't even get on the Shuli podcast. He said in his mind he's excited about doing the promotion. He hasn't done shows in a long time. He said he was waiting for a moment like this. Robin said he did the Letterman thing. Howard said he can't say no to Dave. Howard said he's heard from every network. He said they say if he uses their network exclusively they'll really get behind his book. He said he's honored and humbled by that.
Howard said they were talking about picking a classy location and doing something big. He said they could do Carnegie Hall or something like that. He said he was talking about doing a Town Hall kind of thing. He said they asked who he would want to interview him. He said he thinks that it would be great to have Oprah do it. He said everyone loves Oprah. He said he's already scheduled things with the NY Times and others. He said the one thing that ain't easy is Oprah. He said he goofs on her and he even talks about her in the book. He said he doesn't hate her but he loves calling her out. He said no one does that.
Howard said he told the guys to compose a letter to Oprah and ask her if she wants to do this. He said it would have been great if she did something like this for Apple. He said that announcement she had at the Apple thing was really lame. He said this is why she won't do this interview with him. He said XM paid her $50 million for that channel and she showed up like once to do an interview with Gayle. He said they're probably paying her something crazy for the Apple thing.
Howard said he is not going to pay $10 a month to see two Oprah documentaries. He said he'd let Oprah read the book and make her decision after that. He said yesterday they started reading the letter they started writing. He said he stopped them in the middle of it. He said he was pretty blunt on the air yesterday about Oprah. He said they hadn't heard that. He said they ripped up the letter so that isn't going to happen.
Howard said he said to himself that he was listening to that long winded speech she made at the Apple thing. He said now he's really going to put the nail in the coffin for this interview. Robin said the Wayans used to goof on Oprah all the time. She said they took her apart and she eventually sat down with them. Robin said come on Oprah.
Howard said he was listening to this speech Oprah made at the Apple thing. He said you have to hear this long winded answer she had. Howard played the clip of Oprah making the announcement she made at the event where she explained why she was going to do this for Apple. She was going on and on about the work she'll be doing with Apple. Howard made some snoring sounds about that. Howard said no one can get a billion dollars for doing a couple of documentaries. He said she's like the professor you never listened to in college.
Howard played more of the Oprah clip and made fun of how boring it was. He said fucking spare him with this. He said it's like a Tony Robbins speech. He said get the fuck off the stage and tell him if Apple TV has porn or not.
Howard played more of the Oprah audio and said they went back and listened to what Oprah said about the XM deal and she never said she was going to do anything there. He said she just did one interview with Gayle.
Howard played more of Oprah's speech and Robin said she's getting applause for that. Howard played a clip where she said she wants to illuminate consciousness with this. Howard said this is like a TED Talk. He said this shit is fucking boring. He said their stock dropped 1.5 percent during this speech. Robin said she read that.
Howard said Oprah isn't going to do this interview with him. He said he didn't send the letter. He said he doesn't need her rejecting an idea of his. Robin asked if it would bother him if she said no. Howard said he only likes yes. He said that she's not going to say yes. He said she walked on water while giving that speech.
Howard said this is just silly. He said he'd be happy to do it. He said he won't charge money to do it either. He said they'll go and they'll have a conversation and give away tickets. He said he's not going to charge. Robin said that he'd get into it with her about who owns it. Howard said he would do it if they want to put it on Apple for her new deal. He said he'll put it on SiriusXM. He said the way she's talking now she might be able to cure Alex Trebek by just laying hands on her.
Howard played a clip of Oprah talking about her documentaries that they're working on for Apple TV. Howard said Tim Cook was probably thinking that they should have talked to the creators of The Walking Dead instead.
Robin said anything with Oprah is an invitation to a bad time. Howard said she also mentioned her book club is going to be on Apple TV. Howard said he has a great book for her. He said it's called Howard Stern Comes Again. He played a song parody about his new book too.
Howard said they threw that letter in the trash. Robin asked how she can pretend that Howard still doesn't exist. Howard said ''Yeah, come on.''
Howard played more of Oprah's book club announcement. Robin said they should write that letter. Howard said the letter was good. He said his agent composed it. He said he just wrote the perfect fucking letter. He said he's not going to suck someone's dick to get them to do something. He said he thought it was a fun idea. He said he has a feeling it would turn into a nightmare though. He said it would be all about who owns it and all of that. He said he learned that JD was attracted to her and he would bang her. JD said he did say that. He said she has nice curves. Howard said JD will fuck her. He said he'll give it to her a long time. Howard asked JD what he would do to her. JD laughed. He said he would do her doggy and also have her lay down so he can see her boobs. Howard asked if he'd go down on her. JD said sure. Howard said JD is going to go down on her while she's eating that cauliflower pizza.
Howard pulled out his JD puppet and started doing his JD voice with that. He was talking about what he'd do to Oprah. Howard told his agent to put this in his letter if he's listening. Howard did more of the JD voice talking about shooting a load all over Oprah's titties. He had JD puppet talking about what he'd be doing to Oprah. He had him going down on her and talking about her great ass. He had JD puppet asking to see a dog lick peanut butter off of her. Robin was playing the part of Oprah. JD said ''alright!'' after hearing the peanut butter thing. JD puppet wanted her to put the peanut butter on her clit so the dog could lick it off. JD puppet said he wanted to blow his tax return on her.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said he has to go to a town hall by himself and talk to his audience. Howard said he can do that on the air. Mariann said he can do it in an intimate setting. Howard said maybe Mariann can interview him. Mariann had a bunch of questions for him. She said that Neil Young had to be the favorite interview. Howard said that was not his favorite. He said that's all he will say about that. Howard hung up on her.
Howard said he's trying to do book promotion without actually doing anything. He said he made an appointment to do a NY Times interview and this guy will be photographing him. He said he wasn't able to pronounce his name.
Howard said he has Oprah on the phone and she wants to speak to JD. The guys called in from the back with clips from an Oprah audio book talking about how she wanted to suck on JD's huge jugs and things like that. They had her asking him to sick his dick into a hot dog bun so she can eat at the same time. Howard said maybe he should send this in the letter. They had Oprah asking JD to spread her snatch and eat her clit. Howard said if she had said that at the Apple thing people would be lined up.
Howard let Oprah clips go. He played more of the Apple speech where Oprah was talking about her book club. Howard said he'll burn his phone before he watches that. He said this sounds horrible. Robin said it sounds like the woman who was just talking to JD.
Howard said Oprah closed the convention by saying she wants everyone to be the fullest person they can be. Howard said he's not sure what that means. Robin said she has to interview Howard. Howard said she wants them to be the fullest versions of themselves. Howard said he thinks she's the fullest person of herself. He said she looks pretty full.
Howard played more of Oprah going on and on at the Apple event. Howard said it sounds like a rehashed speech to him. He said he's not sure what the fullest version of ourselves means. Howard said she sounds unhinged to him. He said maybe he will send that letter. He said he's going to help her grow.
Robin's microphone cut out for a second. She was saying something to Howard. Howard said he heard enough from her. Howard said they'll see what they can do. He said he has a lot of promotion to do. Howard said it's all about Howard Stern Comes Again. He said it should be Oprah's favorite book of all time. He played the song about his song again.
Howard took a call from phony Arnold who said he wants to come again too. He had sound drops of him cumming as he was talking. Howard said Arnold used to say when he hit the gym he felt like he was cumming when he gets the pump. Arnold said he's writing a book with his jizz. He said robin's tits will be the pages. Howard asked if he would have been a great president. Robin said he would have. Arnold asked what the title of the book is again. Howard said it's Howard Stern Comes Again. Arnold said he's cumming again too. Howard asked what he's cumming into, a bucket?
Howard laughed. He said he hates opera. He said he has a nice tone. He said he has to tell him that there is a cubicle with his name on it. Howard asked how far he got in those 2 years. John said he sang with some regional opera houses. He said he gave it up for this desk job. Robin said he doesn't have the passion for it then. Howard said she's right. He said he wants him to be the best self he can be. He said he chose to have a backup plan. He said he didn't believe in himself. He said he didn't have a back up plan for himself in radio. He said he doesn't want to burst his bubble but he went out and chased it and it didn't work. He said he should just sick to his job. John said he can go sing when he's on vacation and things like that. Howard said that's the ticket. He said he can do that.
Howard said Richard Christy was a great drummer but he had a back up plan to lick Sal's balls and that's what he's doing now.
Howard said he thinks he gave him the answer he wanted. John said he thinks so. Howard said he has Maestro Benjamin on the phone to talk to him. Ben told John that he's not very good. He demonstrated how it's really done. It was Chris Wilding doing the voice of that guy.
Howard told John to be his fullest self. He said just do your thing. John said maybe he and Robin can do a duet some day. Howard said who knows. He said John Lennon didn't have a backup plan. He said Paul McCartney didn't either.
Howard said he's not sure if he has time there for Brent and his swinging. He said he has to take a break first. They went to break after that.
Howard said he kept waking up thinking about that song ''Girl'' all night. He said that was the song by that Maren Morris. He said he was humming it all night. He asked if anyone else was doing that. Robin said nope. Howard said now it's going to be in his head all weekend. He said this isn't country but if it is then he's caught up in country.
Howard asked who her boyfriend is. He said it's hot to see a girl like this with that kind of talent. Fred said it's Ryan Heard. Howard said he's not sure what to do with that. Fred said they married in 2018. He said he has a long hair and beard look. Howard said he can sit home and grow a beard. Howard said he sees that he's a country singer.
Howard said he's not sure why he cares who she's fucking. He said for that guy who just called in he's not sure what to do. He said he doesn't want to ruin someone's dream. He said he wanted to be in radio and you know in your heart what you want to do so just do it. He said he didn't ask anyone what he should do. Howard said his guidance counselor told him he had no ability to be on radio. He said his father told him he was not going to be in radio. He said his mother brought him to the guidance counselor. He said they told him he had no business being in radio. He said he was told to be a speech therapist.
Howard said imagine his life if he was a speech therapist. He said he'd ask what this guy's name is and he'd end up with someone like Marfan Mike. Howard made up what that would sound like. Robin said he wouldn't have cured anyone. Howard said he would have told them they were hopeless. He said he tries to help JD and that's hopeless.
Howard said if you want to be an opera singer then go for it. He said don't ask him. He said if you want to do it then just go do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he could listen to Tan Mom and Beetlejuice all day long. He said he's not sure who makes more sense. The caller said that he has to thank him for doing what he does. He said it gets him through the morning. The caller, Jason, asked if he would recommend a kid go to school if they don't know what they want to do or just let them do what they want. Howard said it's a good thing to do to go to college. He said that there are people he knows who didn't go to college and went and became plumbers and things like that and they have great lives. Robin said if they are unresolved about what they want to do... Howard said go to college and figure something out. He said it's a good thing to do. He said his daughter had ideas for what she wanted to do and now she's in the nursing field and killing it.
Howard said he was reading about Bruce Springsteen's son and he wants to be a fireman. He said that some people wonder why he'd want to do that. He said the kid wants to contribute and do something for people. He said he's a brave kid. Howard asked who is to say what path you should take. Howard said you can go to college and figure it out. He said having a meaningless life is just fucking awful. Jason said they will support whatever their son wants to do.
Howard said you don't want to end up like Olivia Jade and have it pushed on you. Jason thanked him for the advice.
Robin said she's not sure how to feel about the Loughlins being the face of this scandal. Robin said every time they talk about it their faces pop up. She said that's kind of sad because they're not the only parents named in that indictment. Howard said the other ones must not be as fun as Lori Laughlin.
Howard said he's very proud of his daughters. He said they're all doing something they're passionate about. He said each one they speak to is so passionate about what they're doing. He said he doesn't talk about them on the air that much because he wants them to have their own life. He said he was reading about Springsteen's kid and he was so happy about that. He said that kid knows what he wants to do. He said his parents are probably very proud.
Howard said Jason got a lot of shit in the email about spying on Gary. Howard said Jason just told him that Benjy is eating a chicken pot pie for breakfast. Gary said he's very upset and says it's a vegan pot pie. Howard said he gets something like that and it's really good. Howard said any pot pie is fattening. He said Benjy has to know that.
Howard asked if his wife's tits are healed up. Brent said they are. He said this was always the plan to wait until now. Howard said they may need many hours to dissect this. He said he heard the story and it's pretty intense. He said it's downright confusing too. He said that he heard some of the details last night. He said he got the call last night about it. He said Shuli is gloating that he got the whole thing going. Brent said surprising Shuli makes it about himself. Howard said Shuli thinks that he's bullshitting about it. Brent said he has contacts and pictures.
Shuli came in and said that he wouldn't put it past them to make something up. He said he thinks the first part of the story is believable but then it gets unbelievable. He said Brent is a hero throughout the story. Brent said his wife would never allow him to make something up like this. He said he has provided names and contacts. Howard said he did see pictures.
Shuli said that he can't say he had nothing to do with this. Howard said he has to give him some credit. He said he did bring up how they weren't swinging yet but they were saying they were swingers. Shuli said that when he got into boot camp he didn't say he was in the service. Brent said he never came in there saying he was a swinger. He said he was going out to the clubs. Shuli said he said he was swinging. Brent said he's making up a lie.
Howard said what he's saying to his audience is that this is very exciting. He said that they should convene first thing Monday and tell this story. Brent said it's all true. Howard said Katelyn woke up that morning and said she's getting laid that night. She said it wasn't Brent she was getting laid with. Brent said she did ask if he wanted to go the swinger's club that night. Shuli said Howard would jump out the window if his wife said that to him. Howard said he's right. He said he's worried that this is going to ruin his marriage. Brent said he doesn't think it will. Howard said they'll figure this all out on Monday. Shuli said he has a lot of questions.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who was playing the part of Dino who Brent's wife was with. Dino said Brent fucks like a real man and this is 100 percent real.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has been waiting to hear this story for months. She said that they have to hear the real story. Shuli said he doesn't want the audience to be toyed with. Brent said they're not toying with them. Howard said he even saw the room that Brent was in. He said it looked like a prison cell. Shuli said you can't find that picture on the internet. Howard said he knows Alec Baldwin is there. He said he has to get to him.
Shuli said he spoke to some couples over the weekend and they were saying that it has to be Brent that kept them from getting the swinging thing going. Howard said they'll have to get to more of this next week. Howard said this is an exclusive so keep quiet about it over the weekend. Brent said he will. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that Alec Baldwin is there. He said this guy is a movie star. He said this guy walks in a room and you think movies. He said he wishes he lit up a room like this guy. Alec said he did a mission radio which was about Robin. He said it was for the troops. Howard asked if he has a cold. Alec said he does. Howard said ''Oh great.'' Alec said he's talking to Robin. Alec said they have a thing called The Mission and they have a podcast. He said it's some military guys. He said he's not sure where they make it but he did a thing for them. He said they have a podcast and he narrated the segment. He said one of the people in it was Robin. He said they talked about Robin being sick and beating her illness. He said that he didn't know that she was in the Air Force. Howard said she was a captain. Alec asked how long she was in. Robin said she was in for 2 and a half years. She said she moves fatso that's how she got to captain.
Howard said he feels that Alec is run down with these kids he has. He said he saw some pictures of him with his kids. Alec said his wife is very smart and you take away the Papparazzi's opportunities if you put out your own stuff. Howard said it's like they're painting him like poor Alec Baldwin.
Alec said his wife looks like she swallowed a mailbox. He said that he probably shouldn't say that. He said he was asked if he's going to have 5 kids. He said he was wondering why he's doing this. He said someone said that he is a sex addict or something. Howard said he could have sex and not have kids. Alec said he didn't think about that.
Howard asked if he's a passionate man. Alec said he has places to go. He said he's not going to get into the secrets of his love making. Howard said he wants to know about that.
Alec said he wants to talk to Howard about male grooming. He said he has the famous hair and the stubble. He said he's keeping that Don Johnson look going. He asked what his morning is like. Howard said he showers first thing and washes his hair. He said he's not doing makeup and hair anymore there. He said he uses one gel in his hair. He said he used to use Sebastian but now he found something by Red something and he uses that. He said it dries his curls and then he brushes it out. He said he does his face and shaves that. He said he doesn't shave his pubes. He said his hairs are longer than his penis.
Howard said Alec must have a big penis. He said he's like an inch when he's not hard. He said he has 6 inches when he's hard. He said Alec is a good interviewer.
Alec said you can get manscaped now. Howard said he pictures him with a big bush. Alec said he has an arrow pointing down. Howard said here is no way he takes a scissor to his bush. Alec said you have to trim that. Howard asked where he does that. Alec said you have to get the Peanut trimmer. He said that's what works. He said he goes full bore down there. He said you have to clean up the yard and rake the leaves. He said you have to get the wood chipper in there.
Alec said he was asking Howard about how he prepares. Howard said he has breakfast and a meeting before the show. Alec said he has cut down on his foot. He said he's working out a lot. Howard said everything aches on him now. Alec said that Pete Davidson said that he should do 100 pushups every day. He said he's ripped so he took that advice. He said Kate Beckinsale is with him so he's taking that advice.
Alec said Pete said do 100 pushups a day. He said he does more than that to build up. Howard said George Takei does 100 a day and he's in fabulous shape. Alec said Lorne Michaels is like 71 now and he's a small guy. He said he's very lean. He said you grab his arm and it's like a rock. He said it's buffed out totally. He said he does like 10,000 steps a day and he has a stand up desk. He said he won't sit down. Howard said he has to find something like that. Alec said he grabs his arm and it's like a rock. Howard said he used to work out but he can't do it now.
Howard said he used to run. Alec said he did too. He said he had his hip replaced. He said he watched how it goes and you see how they cut you open and cut the muscle and dislocate the ligament capsule. He said they dislocate your hip and saw the top of the bone off. He said then they have the bone in your thigh and they hammer a cleat into that. He said then they measure that with a computer. He said these guys do all of these measurements and stitch the ligament back on. He said they do it all in 90 minutes. He said it's like a mechanic.
Howard asked if Alec is worried that some doctors would fuck it up if they're overcome with his fame. Alec said he went to this guy who was his surgeon and they don't give a shit who he is. He said they work with the Knicks so they don't care about his fame.
Howard asked if he has any pain in there now. Alec said he has no pain in that hip but the other one he does. He said he's having that operation at the end of the year. He said some guys have them both done at the same time. He said then you're in a wheelchair for 2 weeks. He said he did one and now he's doing the other. He said the first one hurt so bad he wanted to throw up from the pain. Alec said he had to do physical therapy. He said he thought it was just getting more money from his pocket but this woman was so good. He said her name is Farrah Loubriton. He said they sent her to her house and he can't get enough of her. He said she sticks her thumb into his stomach and gets him working. He said he's pain free for the rest of the day. He said she saved his life.
Howard asked if Alec is under a lot of stress these days. He said on the NY Post there was a lot of gloating about the Mueller report and they had Alec on the front page as almost a hit list. Howard said it is scary for him that Trump is tweeting about him. Alec said that there were some people who were arrested and they were kind of scary. He said there were some people from the FBI who came to their house and they were told they were on a list of this guy who was sending out bombs. Alec said they didn't want him going in or out of the building when he was doing Saturday Night Live. He said there is some sense that Trump's behavior doesn't help. He said he does get bewildered when he tweets about him. He said that he mentioned this before. He said that he did a Michael Wolf podcast and he said that there is no opportunity to observe this world we live in better than when you're president. He said when you're in there the best people in the world are presented to you. He said that you get to see the ugliest and best things in this world. He said only a man in that position can see this stuff. Alec said that he was going to give Trump a year to change. He said he figured your heart would open up and learn so much about the world. He said this guy has not changed one fucking gram.
Howard said he would tell Trump not to tweet about Alec Baldwin. He said that some people found it funny when they were goofed on. He said Donald used to be on the show. He said he stopped coming on after he announced he was running for president. He said the guy was on the show more than anyone. He said as a radio guest he was great. He said there were no limits. Alec said he moved on her like a bitch in his Trump voice.
Howard said Trump would tell it like he thought. He said that he would say that Angelina Jolie isn't a 10. He said that regular women were 10s. Alec said he has a point there. Howard said after that he was no longer a good guest. He said he ruined it when he ran for president. Howard said Trump said that fucking women was his personal Vietnam.
Alec said there is nothing fresh to say about Mueller. He said it's all been covered in the past couple of days. Howard asked if he was affected by that. Alec said he thinks Mueller is thinking about a lot of things. He said he wants to do his job to the best of his abilities. He said that he's not there to impeach the President. He said that it's Congress that has to do that. He said they have to give the report to them if they want to do that. Alec said that people of that age have to think about their legacy. He said he wants to do his job and keep his head down and put it out there and be left alone.
Howard said it's interesting that he didn't question Donald Trump Jr. and others. Alec said there must be some legal explanation about how they were able to dodge that testimony. He said that there are things going on at the White House right now. He said there are all of these despicable and hateful people there. He said they're filled with bitterness and resentment. He said you can see it in them. He said Sarah is a mess and you can see it. He said she's like a clenched fist every day of her life. He said all they say is fuck you. He said they won't do anything. They're angry and obstructionist.
Alec said back to Mueller for a minute he's a guy who probably thought to himself that this is something he's passing on to someone else. He said he's probably thinking that the state attorney generals are going to take them down. Howard said this is interesting how he's looking at this.
Howard said Sean Hannity named him the villain of the day. He asked how he feels about that. He said they're making an actor the villain. Alec said Hannity has an audience and he's making a lot of money with his show. He said that they have a whole network that predigests their news for the audience.
Alec said that Bill O'Reilly was a great broadcaster but he has no love for that guy. He said Hannity is an idiot and an untalented idiot. He said he's a ranting janitor. He said he has no talent like O'Reilly did. He said he's a buffoon and it's all about hate. He said he's going to write a book about that. He said he has to write about Laura Ingrahm and that other woman Ann Coulter. He said he's going to call the book The Haters. He said Janine Pirro will be a bit player in there too.
Howard said Al Franken wrote a book about Rush Limbaugh being a big fat idiot. He said that you do that and you can get people coming after you. Alec said that Sean Hannity has zero self awareness. Howard asked if he has ever had a discussion with him. Alec said he has no use for him. Howard said there are other guys like Mark Levin. Alec said there's tucker Carlson too. He said he has some talent but this guy Mark Levin is a black belt idiot. He said the things he says are not interesting.
Alec said he's not sure what kind of bubble Howard lives in. He said he's a very famous guy that's known around the world. Alec said believe him there are people around the world. He said there are people who will say to him on the street that they love him on Howid (Howard). He said they will walk up to him and hug him and thank him for what he's doing with Trump. He said then he gets people who will look at you and you know where they are in the political spectrum. He said they look at him like he's a communist scum bag. He said they love Trump because he's a racist and they're racists. Alec said pretty soon in the world it's going to be interesting. He said white people won't be the majority. He said they'll be like 49 percent. He said the rest of the world will be people of color. He said they're going to do their best not to treat white people like white people treated them.
Howard said he's almost describing a race war. Alec said it's not that but it's an evolution of racial tension. He said some white people are looking to keep white people in power. He said Trump is a white supremacist. He said that he is president and he is a white supremacist without a doubt.
Howard asked if he will win reelection. Alec said he's not sure what's going to happen with the state AG there in New York. He said he thinks the people who are running for the democratic nomination are long ball players. He said that half the people who have declared have to get the hell out now. Howard asked if anyone has asked him to endorse them. Alec said yes but they aren't worth mentioning. He said he's not sure they want to bring an anti-trump sentiment.
Alec said Howard has beautiful hair. Howard said he's looking like Brian May these days. Alec asked what his wife loves about him other than his wit. Howard said he'd have to ask her that. Alec said maybe it's the small penis between his legs. Howard said maybe it's because he's so nice. Howard asked what his wife likes about him. Alec said she loves the results of having kids. He said at this point it's enough. Alec said if he has one more he'd have as many as his dad did. Howard said they're trying to figure out if he's happy with all of those kids. Alec said he thinks about his poor wife having to go through that. He said she loses control over her body. He said she gets pregnant and loses control. He said she snaps right back after the kid is born. He said they can't see a negative when she's pregnant though.
Howard said he hears about people dropping dead in their 60s. He said he must think about that. Alec said he does think about that. He said he tries to meditate every day now. He said he was really blowing up. He said he was pre-diabetic so he had to do something. He said he's doing his best now to stay healthy. Alec said he's 61 now. Howard said he's 65. Alec said that he's going to be the Judge on Law and Order when he turns 65. Howard said he saw the trailer for John DeLorean and he looks good in that. Alec said he wants to talk about that. He asked if they have to take a break. Howard said they can talk now.
Howard asked if things are going well for him. He said he was in trouble for allegedly punching a guy. Alec said luckily there were cameras all around and there was no punching. He said this guy aggressively took this spot from him and he was afraid that he was going to hit his wife and kids. He said his neighbor asked him of he wanted this spot. He said people online were asking if he has a parking garage. He said he has a driver and a garage. He said he was pulling his car to load it to go to Long Island. Howard said just get a driver and be done with it. Alec said he has to clear his throat.
Alec said if you report to the police that someone punched you and he didn't then you can get in trouble. He said this guy did that. He said he had to go to anger management classes. He said you go there and realize you're not that angry. He said these people are really angry. He did an impression of what one of those guys might sound like when he gets chop sticks instead of a fork in his food order.
Howard said he can't imagine going to one class would help. He said you have to go for years. Alec said when he meditates he lowers his expectations. He said he moved there in 1979 and he's lived there all along. He said no one was on their phone back then. He said these kids are on their phones and they almost step on his kids. He said they don't realize he's going to throw them through a window if they do that. Howard asked if he has gone to any of these classes yet. Alec said he has not yet. He said he has to go. Howard said he wants to go with him. He said he's very angry. He said he goes to the psychiatrist. Alec said it seems to be helping. Howard said he had Stephen's bachelor party on the air. He said that was debauchery.
Alec asked if he wants to come on Match Game to sell his book. Howard asked if he's still doing it. Alec said he is and he loves it. He said he was asked to do 10 episodes and he got paid a good amount of money. He said he gave that to charity and they asked him to do it again. He said he goes there and they have fun. He said it's people you love. He said he loves Jason Alexander. He said he admires him and he's so talented. He said Caroline Ray is there. Joel McHale, Horatio Sanz and others are there. He said tons of people come and do it. Howard said he wouldn't want to be on the show. He said he'd be afraid he'd look stupid playing for the real answer. He said he wouldn't know what to write. Alec said people do write some dumb stuff. He said they have quite a bit of that. Howard said he doesn't want to look bad. Alec told him to just enjoy it. Alec said everyone loves Howard. Howard said they really don't. Alec said that people really do love Howard. He said trust him.
Howard said his movie career is still going strong. He said he believes an Oscar for his DeLorean role. Alec said no way. He told Howard what he thinks about Rami Malek playing Freddie Mercury and how he thought he was great. He said he will never say who he thinks should have won.
Alec said he did a move with Edward Norton and it was called Motherless Brooklyn. He said that he's a detective with Tourette syndrome. He said he directed the film and he hadn't been in this league of actors in a while. He said he did the movie and it was Bobby Canavale and Willem DeFoe playing his brother. He said he really thought he was going to win for his Van Gogh. He said he loves Ed too. He said he's so smart as a director. Howard asked if he's tying this into the Rami Malek thing. Alec said he's not saying he should have won but he thinks it's easier to seduce voters by playing Freddie than it is playing Van Gogh. He said he's not taking anything away from Rami though.
Alec said he's in an Emilio Estevez movie too. He said that he works for years to get it all together. He said he does his thing in his own way. He said the guy is great as a director. He said most directors transfer their tension into the set but not Emilio. He said he doesn't need to come in with some big trumpet solo. He said he just wants to be part of a great movie. Alec said they did this movie and Emilio is out touring trying to sell the movie.
Alec said he's in another movie. Howard said he's trying to figure out what he's in. He said he's in Match Game too. Alec said he just wants to talk about movies. He said The Public is one he's in. Alec said he was going to do this move Crown Vic and he was going to do that with some actor who dropped out. Howard asked who that was. Alec said it was the young guy in the Tonya Harding movie. He said it was Sebastian Stand and Clint Eastwood's son who dropped out. Alec said they dropped out late in the game. Howard asked if that's unprofessional. Alec said it's not preferred. He said things worked out though. He said they got the whole project together and they shot up in Buffalo. He said they got Thomas Jane to do the movie. He said that guy is great. He said he came in and he had to call him after he screened some of the cut for him. He said the ending of the movie will blow you away. He said he called Tom Jane and told him that he killed it in the movie. He said that one is coming out on April 24th. He said that they did the DeLorean movie too. He said that there's also a documentary that he wanted to talk about. He said it's called the Art of the Steal. He said he saw that and said he wants to work with them. He said they do a reenactment of the John DeLorean arrest. He said they dissolve into the real footage. He said he plays dramatic scenes for that movie.
Howard asked if he's a master impressionist. Alec said he's really not. He said you just focus on one word for some of the people you do. He did his Tony Bennett and Al Pacino impressions. Howard asked if Trump has that rhythm too. Alec said he does. He did that impression too.
Alec said that this Framing DeLorean movie is at the Tribecca film festival too. Howard asked if he's doing a DeLorean impression in the movie. Alec said he is. He said you look for those little things to do that they did. He said you watch people moving first. He said you do that with the voice off. He said DeLorean had this facial tick thing and it was endless. Alec did his DeLorean voice and told Howard how many ticks he had to do in the movie. He said that he may have had some nervous disorder. He said he had this very deep voice too.
Howard asked Alec about taking vocal lessons. Alec said they do work. He said that he has done that as well. Howard said he's not sure how he would do something like that. He did his British accent for Alec. Alec said that's like a Dick Van Dyke British voice.
Alec said he has worked with some of the greatest directors in the world. He named a bunch and said that working with Robert De Niro he gets mesmerized by him and can't focus on him.
Howard wanted to talk to Alec about his art collection. Alec said that he's been to Howard's house and it's like an airline terminal. He said he has art all over. Howard said he paints now so he will go online and partake in auctions and buy paintings and things. He said it's nothing crazy. He said he was taking pictures a lot but now he's into painting. He said he thinks that Alec could pull off photography. He said painting is another thing.
Howard said when you paint you have to be able to interpret and do other things. Alec said that his wife is great with the animals. He said he had the event at the Talk House last summer. He said he was there. He said that he tried to get a table there and they had that going on. He said David Spade killed that night. Howard said Spade is very funny. Alec said that Lorne was there that night too.
Alec said he was late showing up that night. Howard said he came up to him when someone was performing and he asked him to be quiet. He said he can't do that. Howard said David offered to do that charity event for his wife. He said he can't ask people to do that stuff. He said that's not his business to ask someone to sit there and do that. He said if they want to do something that's wonderful. He said David was persistent. He said he and his wife aren't good fund raisers. He said that's why that is.
Alec said he has people ask him to get his famous friends to show up to their kid's pinewood derby event. He said sure he'll get Chris rock to show up in Somerville, New Jersey at a pinewood derby.
Alec said he thinks what Howard did that evening was something. He said he reminds him of Letterman. He said they're kind of the same. He said he asked Dave about not showing up to things in New York and he will just go and then leave and go home. He said they had a special thing for Dave and he flew all the way home that night. Howard said he didn't know Dave had a plane. Alec asked if Howard has a plane. Howard said he does not. Alec said he thinks Howard has his own Amtrak Coach. He said he has like 8 homes.
Howard said he has a home because he just sits at home. He said he doesn't go anywhere. Alec said he has a place in the city and at the end of the island. He asked if he has anything in between. Howard said he doesn't.
Howard asked Alec if, on his podcast, he interviewed the guy who directed the Human Centipede. Alec said he did. He said it was great. Howard said this is where the guy kidnaps people and sews their mouths to the other people's asses. Alec said the guy who played it was a great actor. He said the two women were bimbos who go to this house and the guy who answers the door is like a cadaver. He said the guy asks them if they're all alone and they ask to use his phone. Alec went through the story and said then the guy did the sequel. He said he wanted him to do a movie with him. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Alec said he was close to doing it.
Alec got in some plugs for the movies he has coming out soon. He said that he has ''The Public'' coming in April and ''Framing John DeLorean'' coming out in June. He said there's also ''Crown Vic'' and ''motherless Brooklyn.'' Howard asked if he wants to talk to Ralph. Alec asked if he's taking calls. Howard said he's just taking one.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if they look for dummies to play the game. Alec said they do find some people who they want there so the guests are the funny ones.
Howard said they should talk about the college pay off thing. Alec asked if Howard paid his kids colleges off. Howard said of course not. He asked why anyone would do that. Alec said this idea that you take people and bypass people and your kids are unqualified is horrendous. He said he knows Felicity and Lori Loughlin. He said he thinks to himself that it's only going to hurt the kids. He said you have to live with that the rest of your life. Howard said it's a nightmare. Alec said he hopes the children can get out from under this. Howard said this kid of Lori's is great on YouTube. He said she was doing her thing so let her do what she wants. Alec said he thinks her father was a big Trump supporter too. Alec said he hopes the kids can get out from under all of that. Howard said he has to see him in the anger management classes.
Howard said Alec is great. He said he comes in there and they have fun. He said they're sitting there emoting and talking about Match Game and these films he's in. Howard asked Fred to see the cheat sheet. He said he wants to see what to plug. He went through those plugs again for Alec. He said you can go to TribecaFilm.com for more information about some of those films Alec is in.
Alec said that he has to go out on this. He asked Howard if he loves his wife. Howard said of course. Alec said that he loves his wife and he is happy when he's with her and unhappy when he's not.
Howard said they should talk about A-Rod and J-Lo. He said she's been married 3 times already. He said it might be a mistake for two famous people to get married. He said she should not do that. Alec said he doesn't care. He said that's a downer. He said he was trying to keep the ball in the air and he's letting the air out of the ball.
Howard asked Alec if he would leave his wife if he could end the Trump presidency tomorrow. Alec said no way. He said if he ran for president, which he would never do, he would win. He said he knows he would drive this guy insane. He said he would debate him and say everyone knows he's the most despicable and corrupt president in history and he's a pathological liar. He said he'd just say he's the worst in American history. He said he's the opposite of what we want. He said he'd be doing that every day. He said that he'd be in a heap sobbing on the floor. He said he would be crying in a heap on the floor. He said he's so easy to get to.
Howard wrapped up with Alec and asked if he likes Melania. Alec said she can't speak ill of the father of her son. He said she can't do anything. He said he heard from a reliable source that she laughs hard at their skits about Donald on Saturday Night Live. He said they say she laughs the hardest. Howard said he'll wrap it up now. He said Alec is very calm today. He said good luck with all of those movies. Alec said it'll all be over with a year from now. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said it's time for news. Fred played her into it with a song parody. He said that was from the Tittations. Fred played her a Lenny Dykstra intro as well.
Howard said on Monday they will get to Brent's swinging. Robin started her news with a Jussie Smollett story. She said this has incensed her. Howard said he can't figure this whole thing out. He said it's too confusing. Robin said justice was ripped from their hands and put into someone else's. Robin said they won't be able to hash this out in court. Robin said he reason the prosecutors office said they were dropping the charges was because he had performed community service. Robin said that was going to the Jesse Jackson Rainbow Push association and stuffing envelopes. She said he also worked at the gift shop and ran the register there. Robin said he also gave things on camera angles to some film workers. Robin said that led to them keeping the $10,000 from his bond and they scrubbed his record clean after that. Howard said that's crazy.
Robin said the allegations were very serious. She said that he said he was attacked by some mask wearing people who beat him and poured a substance on him and hung a noose on his neck. Robin said when he spoke to the press he said nothing about wanting those people caught. She said if there are people doing that then they should have them arrested. Howard said he is saying that he may sue over the charges. Robin had some audio of Jussie from a statement he made yesterday. Robin said he said nothing about catching those people who allegedly beat him up. Robin had more audio of what Jussie said about the people who attacked him. Robin said he just wants to go on with his life now. She said the police say that justice still hasn't been served. She had audio of a police officer talking about that. Howard said he's not sure what happened there. Robin had more details on how they got rid of the case with the help of Michelle Obama's Aide. Howard said if he ever gets in trouble give him her card. Robin had more clips to play where they were talking about a grand jury indicting this guy. Robin said the $10,000 they got to keep isn't even a drop in the bucket for what the city spent on investigating the case. Robin had audio of the Mayor of Chicago, Rahm Emanuel, talking about how this was a whitewash of justice. Robin said she was shocked the guy had this much power. Howard said he was too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening since the WNBC days. He said that no one else can make a bit out of that plantain chip thing. Howard said a lot of his comedy revolves around plantains. The caller said that's what makes the show so great. He had some Larry King bit stuff to give to Howard. Howard told the guy he should be doing Larry King impressions after hearing them. He let the caller go after that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that guy was great in that call. He said James Woods just tweeted a picture of ''Jerky Jussie'' with the Obamas so this guy has connections. He said this guy did something awful and he got out of it. Howard said it is weird. Ralph said he hates this guy. Howard said some of them are at work and Ralph is at home reading James Woods' tweets.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said this whole thing comes around to R. Kelly. Howard asked if he'll get out of everything too. King said no but this helps him because it goes into that fake news thing. He was going into that and brought up Avenatti so Howard was ready to bail. King said he wanted to talk about this Jussie Smollett thing. He said they know he did it and they're treating him like any other Joe on the street. He said the police are made that they spent all of their time on him. He said it was a non violent crime. Robin said someone did get beat up. Howard said the crime was lying to the police. Howard said he thinks what King was trying to say is that in most cases they never prosecute because the police are so busy. He said this was a celebrity case so they put more time into it. He said they just said fuck this and we won't look into it. Howard wanted to move on. He had already hung up on King.
Howard brought up the Mueller report and said they had better show that to the people of this country. He said they want to see it. Robin said not everyone does. Howard said a pool said 83 percent want to see it. Robin said the polls aren't always right. Howard said all he knows is... nothing. He said he thinks he's beat and exhausted.
Robin asked if he has seen the pope trying to keep people from kissing his ring. Howard said he hasn't. Robin said he doesn't like people kissing his ring and there is video of this out there. Howard said he commends him for that. He said he should concentrate on keeping priests from kissing kids. Robin said this goes on through the whole line. She said he pulls his hand away every time. Howard said that's like him giving people a fist bump. Howard said he likes that the guy is thinking it through.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him he loves the show and loves his evolution. He said he loves that he's doing his thing. He said fuck the haters that can't stand it. He said he's still the best thing out there. He hung up himself before Howard could. Howard thanked him for that. He said he likes that guy.
Howard Asked Robin what she thinks their average aged listeners is. Robin said 45. Howard said it's actually 37. He said think about that. He said most shows the average is between 57 and 60-something on late night TV. Howard said the average age on terrestrial radio was 37 too. He said their audience stays forever young. He said they are forever evolving. He said he dreams of a day where they can be their best selves. He was doing his Oprah impression with that.
Robin read about the Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck story she mentioned yesterday. She said that Elisabeth heard the story about Rosie being attracted to her and she started to pray. Robin said she felt it was wrong and it wasn't true on her part. Howard said it would be great to see Rosie go over and start to kiss her on The View. Howard said Rosie was just being honest. Robin said it's a compliment. Howard said she was probably praying for her to be left out of Rosie's spank bank. Howard said she never did anything inappropriate. Howard said he can imagine jerking off to her. He said he's never done that though.
Robin read a story about TMZ announcing that the Loughlin girls leaving USC. Robin said they are still enrolled there. Robin said that Yale has revoked one student who was named in the case. Robin said the Loughlin daughters have said they will not go back to the school but they are still enrolled.
Robin read a story about Jamie Foxx and Katie Holmes and how they may be hiding their relationship. Robin said Jamie just appeared with an ex-girlfriend and said he's single now. Robin said maybe that relationship is over now. Howard asked if it's true that Tom Cruise doesn't see his daughter. Robin said maybe. He said that would be crazy if he doesn't. Howard said he has to see her. He said maybe he's doing it low key.
Robin read a story about Kathie Lee saying that she's not looking for a relationship. Howard said they have to find her someone. He said she should be with someone. Howard said maybe Robert Kraft. Robin said nothing has been announced about his relationship. Howard said maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger. Robin said he has a girlfriend. Howard said he's clearly up for a fun party. Fred said how about Nowicki. Howard said how about Kirk Douglas. Robin said he's 102 and his wife is still alive. Howard said Robert Mueller. Fred said he's married too. Howard said Mel Gibson. He said he's edgy. Robin said Kathie Lee does want to make movies. Fred said Lenny Kravitz. Howard said that would be a great set up. He said how about Liam Neeson. He said they would make a great couple. He said she could be Kathie Lee Gifford Neeson. Howard said he bets she would go out with him. Howard said he thinks that Charlie Rose would be good for her. He said he's going through a tough time. Fred said Charlie Sheen. Howard said that's not going to happen. He mentioned Keanu Reeves too. Howard said he's probably banging young women.
Howard said he thinks Kathie Lee would be good with Charlie. He said if he can't get him he can get Louis C.K. He said he'll call him and ask. He said this could be his way back. Robin said he likes guys in sports. Howard said Kathie Lee loves forgiving people. He said maybe Tiger Woods for Kathie Lee or Jackie Chan. Robin said she thought he was going to say Jackie Martling. Howard said Michael Avenatti would have been good but maybe not now. Howard said he's still thinking Bob Kraft. He said they would be great.
Robin read a story about Robert Kraft speaking out about his case. Robin said he says he has extraordinary respect for women and he was blessed to have his wife for 50 years. Robin said he denied the charges of solicitation. Robin said he also apologized for the embarrassment to his family. He has vowed to do better. Robin said he's also requesting a jury trial.
Howard said just for the goof of it he'd go out with Kathie Lee if he was single. He said he'd freak the audience out with that. Robin said they would be swamped by the Paparazzi. She said he'd have to come in and tell them everything. Howard said he'd even change his name to Howard Lee Gifford. Robin said the kids are all out of the house now so she's got the room. Howard said he thinks she'd be a party. He said first they would pray and then they would fuck. Fred played some Rappin Granny clips to play the part of the woman in that scenario.
Robin read a story about the education secretary, Betsey DeVos, announcing that they're cutting the budget for the special Olympics. Robin had some audio of someone asking DeVos about that and if she knows how many kids are affected by that. The guy had to answer saying it was 272,000 kids. Howard said he loves these young kids who ask questions like that and don't hold back.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he appreciates the show and he makes him laugh his ass off every day. He said he got his book on order and he can't wait to read it. Howard said he thinks he'll enjoy it. He said he'll have him with him all summer. The caller said just keep doing what he's doing and bring Alec back. He said he's a great guest. Howard asked the guy if he wants to marry Kathie Lee. The caller said he has a girlfriend. The guy said he would give her a whirl though. Howard wondered if she's sill doing that kind of thing. Robin said she think she may have given that up. Howard said you have to keep that thing working and lube it up.
Robin read a story about Barbara Bush blaming the former first lady's heart attack on Donald Trump. Robin said this is in a new book that's coming out. Robin said that this was because Trump was ridiculing her son Jeb during the 2016 election. Howard had fake Donald Trump on the phone to talk about that for a short time.
Robin read a story about the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame saying they will not kick Michael Jackson out after claims of abuse came out. Robin said he was inducted twice for the Jackson Five and for his solo work.
Robin read a story about a gymnast at UCLA who has videos that have gone viral. Robin said she used to use Michael Jackson music and she's going to stop doing that.
Robin read a story about the senate taking a vote on the Green New Deal and it was 57-0 so that upset Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She had some audio of her talking about that. Howard said she's really on fire. He said he likes that. Robin said she is very passionate. Howard said she's a 34-D from this BodyMeasurements.com web site. Howard had fake Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on the phone. He talked to her for a short time. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.