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Howard started the show talking about how he has a nice surprise for everyone. He turned the microphone over to George Takei who was sitting in today. George said that the front office area was upgraded 100 percent there. Howard said it was done for George. George then went into an announce where he talked about how straight people should be treated with respect. George said we have to be open minded about these things.
Howard said he had his first gay kiss on America's Got Talent with Howie Mandel recently. He said Howie melted in his arms. He said the next night he was dressing like Liza Minelli. George said he's glad that Howard is opening up to that. Howard said he's going to finger his asshole next.
Howard said he was watching George performing on The Twilight Zone and it was a great acting thing for him. Howard said he was good with Neville Brand. George said he has since passed away. He said he did keep in touch with the guy though. Howard said you can find the episode and download it. He said George shows up to a guy's house to clean a guy's attic. George said the guy wanted him to go up to the attic to clean it and have a beer. Howard said the episode is called The Encounter. Howard said the episode is like a play more than a TV show. Howard said there was a lot to remember. George said that was a very good role for him. Howard said the episode was great. He said he holds a samurai sword and whenever he does he has weird thoughts. Howard said he won't spoil it and said that people should see it.
Howard said it must have been horribly frustrating for George because he can act. He said he didn't get to act that much on Star Trek. He said he had a line or two in an episode. Howard said that must have been frustrating. George said he lobbied Gene Roddenberry to give him more. He said he wanted more dimension for his role. He said he practically wrote things for them. He said he had a family and a girlfriend on the show in his mind. He said when you have a domineering actor on the show... Howard asked if Shatner really did sabotage his role. George said it wasn't malicious. He said he did it more to beef up his own part. Howard asked if he cut lines from George. George said that he did take close ups away from them. He said the director would be setting up for a close up and Bill would whisper to the director and the set up would be changed. He said the shot would be on the captain. He said that the reaction of the captain was what mattered. Howard said that makes the show more boring. George agreed.
Howard said the network could have said something. George said they were very low rated so that gave him more power. George said Bill had a great contract. Howard said George could really act and that Twilight Zone episode showed him that. George said that episode only aired once because of the racial stuff. He said that it was still close to World War II. He said that he did the show and he felt it was good to deal with those things. He said it was after the whole series was over that they released it on DVD.
Howard asked if he got to meet Rod Serling. George said he did. He said that he was shooting his openings that day and he got to meet him. He said he was a fan of Rod's before that. He said it was sort of a break through before Star Trek for him. Howard said that's a big deal to be on the Twilight Zone. Robin said she sees that all the time in acting. Robin said Bryan Cranston had to do Malcolm in the Middle to make a paycheck. Robin said George wouldn't have had the longevity he's had if he didn't get that opportunity.
Howard said that George is in a movie called Free Birds that's coming out in October. George said it's animated film where a couple of turkeys go back in time. George said he plays the voice in the time capsule that takes them back. Howard asked if he gets paid well for that. George said it is lucrative. Howard asked if he just does his own voice. George said that's what they wanted so that's what they got. George said the time capsule is named Steve.
Howard asked George about this chicken dance thing he's going to be part of. George said he narrates a lot of symphony concerts. Howard said he didn't know that. George told Howard that he does that.
Howard said he will be narrating an opera now that he's done that kiss. Howard said that in his George Takei voice. Howard said he had Howie were looking at each other and he didn't know what to do. Then they moved in and their lips may have brushed. Howard said he felt Howie's chin against his chin. He said he's only ever kissed his father on the cheek. He said he could feel the roughness on his skin and he got so repulsed. George said that roughness is what's so erotic. Howard asked if he likes it when brad doesn't shave. George said that he does. Howard asked if he and Brad did their thing yesterday. George said they did because it was Sunday.
Howard said that he started to sweat after the kiss. He said he was so aggravated and upset that they had to bring out fans to cool him down. Howard wondered if they have tape of that over at AGT. Howard said he doesn't think he's homophobic. He said he has many gay friends and he supports gay people. He said he has no problem with any of it. Howard said none of that bothers him. He said he had a chemical reaction that was crazy.
George said he has had sex with women and he had feelings for them. Howard said he must not have feelings for Howie.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that they could feel the electricity in the theater. He said Howard was so repulsed that he went over to Beth and kissed her. Howard said he couldn't calm down after that. Howard said Howie ran over to kiss Beth too. Howard said it was wild. He said he did have a strange reaction to it though.
Robin said Jackie and Gary kissed on the channel 9 show once. Gary said Jackie held him down to kiss him. He said he couldn't stop him.
Howard asked how long George and Brad wrestled last night. George said they did it for a few minutes. He said that it was a draw. Howard asked how Brad's weight is doing. George said he can't talk about it. He said he told him that he would not discuss that on the air.
Howard said he has cut back on eating and now he doesn't even think about eating. George said he wishes that Howard would talk to him about that. Howard said the secret is to cut portions down. Howard said he has lost 20 pounds cutting back. George said Brad was a great runner and he did more marathons than he did. He said that Brad started going to a pastry store in his office building. He started eating pastries and he blossomed out. He said he stopped running and now he will only walk with him. George said he'll go to Central Park and he'll walk for 45 minutes but Brad will wait on a park bench after just 20 minutes or so. He said he has to up that and do the portion control. Howard said he sounds like he's turning into a straight man. He said next thing you know he'll be watching football and farting.
Howard asked how many pounds Brad has to lose. George said about 40 would be good. He said he knows he'll hear about this conversation. Howard said he should play a game in the park where he's naked and Brad has to find him. George said Howard gives away so many secrets on his show. He said he never told Brad about going to the Rambles but Howard has gotten that out of him on the show. Howard said he doesn't talk to Beth about 90 percent of the things that he's done. He said that no one wants to do that.
Howard said George has done so many things. He said that some of the things are crazy. George asked Howard how he knows about so much of that. Howard said George has told him.
Howard asked George what the most disgusting thing is that he's done in his life that he'd like to take back. George said he won't get into that on this show.
Howard said that he's fucked some women that no one should fuck. He said he was in bad shape when he wasn't famous. George said that he has told Brad that Howard was heavy at one time. He said he tells him that it's discipline and exercise.
Howard said he was good with his weight but then he started drinking wine and eating. Howard said he had to get serious about his weight and that got him to lose weight. Howard said portion control is the key. Howard told George what he eats and how he keeps the weight off. Howard said for dinner last night he had tons of broccoli and some fish meat balls. He said that's it. Howard said he was probably hungry after that but he didn't eat. Howard said if he was that hungry he'd have a piece of fruit.
George said that he and Brad went out to 54 Below. He said they had a nice meal and Brad didn't eat the mashed potatoes. He said that they were out with a friend and he thinks that Brad didn't eat that because their friend was so fantastic. Howard said that Brad must want to be sexy for him in bed. Brad said that he will try on occasion.
Howard said that America really does have talent. He said there are so many great acts this season. The caller said that this might be the best season so far. Howard said he thinks they will find a superstar.
The caller asked if he could get the last set of Metallica tickets. Howard said he's not sure if he has them. The caller told Howard what he does for a living. He said he delivers beef in Roosevelt. Howard said that's a scary town to work in.
Gary told Howard that he doesn't have anymore tickets. The caller was okay with that. Howard said he wises he could give more tickets out. He said Metallica will be on the show soon and he's picked the songs for them to perform. They're going to have them do ''One'' and ''Enter Sandman.'' Howard said if they have more time maybe they'll do something else. He said that should be a spectacular morning. Howard said Metallica are really great musicians.
Howard asked George if Brad has ever been with a woman. George said that he's never told him if he has. Howard asked how they can't discuss that. George said he assumed that he's been gay his whole life. He said that he has never asked him directly. He said now that Howard has asked him he may have to ask. Howard asked how long they've been together. George said it's 26 years. Howard asked if George has ever had an experience with another man while with Brad. George said that he has hugged some guys in swim trunks but that's about it. He said that it's just a hello and you give them a good bro-hug.
Howard asked Gary if they ever made the brackets for George. He said they want to find out who George is more attracted to. Howard gave George the brackets to find out who he dislikes more. Howard said they had both like and dislike.
Howard gave him William Shatner or George W. Bush. George laughed and said that he'll be diplomatic and say Bush. Howard said he figured Shatner. George said they do say hello at Star Trek conventions. Howard said he thinks that George is more in demand these days. George said he isn't as expensive as Bill is. He said that might be why he gets more people in line.
Howard said they had a song that they wanted George and Bill to sing to each other. He said they were going to have them do a duet. Howard said he wants to talk to him off the air about that. Howard said it could be a big hit.
Howard gave George Arnold Schwarzenegger or Mel Gibson for the hate more. George said he's going to pick Schwarzenegger. Howard gave him Hitler or Osama bin Laden. George said they're both despicable people. He picked Hitler over Osama. Howard gave him Michelle Bachman or Anita Bryant. George said he will go with Michelle Bachman. Howard gave him Bush or Hitler and George picked Hitler. Howard gave him Schwarzenegger or Bachman. George went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard gave him Hitler and Schwarzenegger. George said this is easy. He picked Hitler.
Howard gave George some ''Who Would George Fuck'' choices. Here are his choices and George's picks:
Howard asked if Brad Pitt asked him to leave Brad for him, would he do it. George said he doesn't think Brad is leaving Angelina Jolie for him.
Robin asked what George was talking about with Arnold Schwarzenegger being more personal. He was talking about the gay marriage thing being vetoed. He said he was outraged by that.
The caller asked if he could get his signed by Howard and Beth. Howard said the fist 1000 are signed. He said if it's not signed he's happy to sign one for someone if he sees them somewhere.
Howard said that they're getting another 9 kittens that they'll be fostering. He said that they have adopted out the other kittens they had. George said they have 8 cats right now. He said after his dog Rein died they didn't have any pets at all. He said they had a cat at the kitchen door and Brad fed it. He said the next day it came back with another cat. He said now they have about 8 that they feed in the back yard. He said they've had to arrange for someone to come and feed these feral cats while they're away.
Howard said this thing will make it possible to build this facility for the animals to roam free. He thanked the caller for offering to buy a bunch.
Howard said that George has like 4.5 million followers on his Facebook page. Howard said he heard that he's very funny. George said that Brad helps him with it but they post memes on there that the fans send. He said they have some wonderful interns to help out as well. He said it has turned into a business. George said that they have a lot going on with that page.
Howard asked George about supporting someone who was running for Mayor there in New York. Howard talked to George about that for a short time. Howard said that he'd like to be able to vote in that election. George said he feels sorry for the guy who is in last place in the polls. He said he wonders what he did wrong to come in after Anthony Weiner. He said that's the lowest of the low.
Howard gave George Anthony Weiner or John Lou. George said that he'd take none of them. Howard said he has to be with one of them. George said he'd have to go with Weiner. He said he has a big one. George said he's backing Christine Quinn though. He said that she knows how to bring people together and solve problems. Howard asked why this de Blasio is beating her in the polls. George and Howard spent a minute talking about that. George said Christine is also concerned about the economic health of the city. Howard asked how he knows so much about her. George said that they know her. He said that he's going to vote for the best politician. He said she's not going to tax corporations like de Blasio is talking about doing. George said that they need to keep companies in the city.
Howard said he can't vote in the primaries because he's registered as an independent. He said he votes in the regular election. Robin said Howard has never said that. Howard said he can't vote in this one because of how he's registered. George said it makes sense to him. Robin said she's still learning new things about Howard to this day. Robin said she's waiting until the last minute to make her decision. She's not sure what she's going to do.
Howard asked George about what he does when he's with Brad and he doesn't want to see how big he's gotten. George said he keeps his eyes shut a lot of the time. He said he's in ecstasy. He said that he will look at his face though. He said he thinks about the younger Brad too. Howard said he just jerked off to a young Howie Mandel last night. Howard said he was actually sickened by that kiss he did with Howie. He said that he was very turned off by it.
Howard took another call from Bobo who said he wanted to thank Howard for being so gracious and letting his kid hit his buzzer at AGT. Howard said Bobo is a big baby. He said he knows people who come there and he'll let the kids hit the buzzer. He said he knew that Bobo was soaking it all in and he tracked down people to let his kid do it. Howard asked if they don't give him enough already. Howard said he's not going to say no to the kid. Howard said Bobo doesn't have to be such a child himself. He said he can just sit quietly and relax. Howard said he sucks the life out of every situation. Howard said he should just sit there and enjoy the show. Howard said the kid will still think that he's his hero. Howard said he heard that Bobo was bothering Laura and Ronnie. He said that he just bothers them until he gets it. Bobo said that Laura is the best. Bobo said the behind the scenes clips were great on AGT. Howard cut him off and said that's great. He said that he loves Bobo so that's why he let him do this.
Howard said High Pitch Eric was there too and he's like 50 years old now. He said he makes Brad look like a chiseled statue. He said Eric wanted to hit the buzzer. He said he was going to let him hit Howie's buzzer so Howie would never touch it again. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
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Howard came back and asked George if he has pubic hair. George said he does. Howard asked if he likes a man with no hair. George said he likes it both ways. He said that when you turn grey down there it's the worst. Howard said that he's not grey down there. He said he has a couple of grey hairs but that's it. George said that he's abnormal. Howard said George is on the fringe.
Howard said they love George and the guts he has. Howard said he has guts because they sit him next to Benjy for 4 hours. Howard said he never complains or says a bad word. Howard said George is dressed like a school boy today. George said he dresses like that all the time. Howard said he has short pants and a sports jacket on.
George said that when he did the Star Trek outfit where he wasn't wearing a shirt he got a letter from a fan. He said the fan sent a sheet of paper with yellow sprinkles on it. He said that was the man showing his passion for him. Howard said that the guy jizzed on the paper. George said that it was dried up. He said that some of the things people send you are strange. He said that was the strangest he ever got.
Howard asked George about his feet and if he would fix them if it meant that he could never suck cock again. George said that just doesn't make sense. Howard said that would be the deal. He said they'd fix his feet but he could never suck cock again. George said he can walk now but eventually he may not be able to. Howard asked again. George said he would rather be able to suck cock and keep his feet for now. George said by the time that feet thing would come around he'd probably be done sucking cock.
Howard said he's sorry he even asked. Howard said he thinks he gets it. George said sucking cock is important to him.
Howard said he has to play a couple of things. He said it's hard to move away from George though. Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been listening for over 30 years now. He said he wanted to point out who his running for Mayor there and said that they have a lesbian and a guy who showed his penis on Twitter. The guy said that George is wrong about this Quinn woman. He said that she's going to raise taxes on the rich. George said that he has her confused with de Blasio. The guy insisted he was right. They spent a little more time going back and forth on that. George kept telling the guy that he's confused. Howard agreed with George and said that's enough of that.
Howard said Robin has a book coming out and she'll be doing promotion. Howard said that people are wondering why she hasn't been in the studio and why they don't talk about it. Howard said that they had a discussion over a year ago where they decided not to talk about her condition. Howard said that Robin didn't want to be driven nuts with medical advice and things like that. Howard said things are private too. Howard said they can't share everything. Howard said people were respectful of that.
Howard said that Robin was unable to urinate a year and 3 months ago. Howard said she went to a wedding and she was unable to urinate at all. Howard said she had to go to the emergency room. Howard said they told her not to worry about it. Robin said they drained her bladder with a catheter and told her it should be fine. Fred played a clip of George yelling and freaking out. Howard said he might have to ask him to leave if that's how he's going to react to this.
Howard said Robin went back to her hotel room and she still wasn't able to urinate. Howard said she got back to New York and went to the doctor. Howard said that they left off there a year ago. Howard asked Robin if she wanted to fill the audience in on this. Robin said she's ready.
Robin said that she went to a doctor and for about a week the story was that no one knew what was going on. They knew there was a mass in her pelvis. They had to remove it with surgery. Robin said they had to figure it out after they went in. Robin said she did that and had the surgery. Robin said she wanted to act as if this was a regular show and nothing was going on. Robin said she didn't know if there would ever be another show. Robin said they were going on vacation or something. Gary said it was Memorial day. Howard said that they had some time away but they didn't know what was going to happen.
Robin said that they found out it was cancer and they didn't know here it was coming from. Robin said they were going to close her up if it was all over. Robin said she didn't know what was going to happen. Howard said they did find it was cancer and they tested the tumor. Howard said they didn't know what was going to happen. Howard said Robin went in and had the operation that lasted 12 hours. Robin said she went in at 11:30 on a Wednesday and when she came out it was midnight.
Howard said he got updates during the whole thing and a lot of it was wrong. Robin said she got out of surgery at midnight and no one was there. Robin said they threw out her friend who was there with her. Robin said that she had no one there for her. Robin said she was up at Midnight and she had no idea what had happened to her. She said she just knew that she was in surgery for a long time.
Robin said that they told her what could happen to her in surgery. Robin said it could have been a very restrictive life. She said that she woke up not knowing what kind of life she would have.
Howard said that one of the possibilities was that she might not be able to go to the bathroom again. Robin said they said they might have to remove her colon and give her a permanent colostomy. Robin said that they would have to bring her lower intestine to her stomach and she'd have to wear a bag. Howard said she'd never have to wipe again. Robin said she'd prefer to wipe.
Robin said that they put a couple of marks on her stomach and one was for a colostomy. She said that the other was for a temporary Ileostomy. Robin said that she woke up and it turned out to be the temporary. Robin said she didn't know what had happened other than having the big bandage on her stomach. Robin said that she told the doctor she could live with just any result. Robin said she didn't want to live in a certain state.
Howard said he was already making funeral arrangements. Howard said he's not making light of this. He said he was freaking out over this whole thing. Howard said it came out of left field and it was going down real quick.
Howard said this was a very serious cancer. Robin said the tumor was about the size of a grapefruit. Robin said it took them 8 hours to remove the tumor. Robin said it was on all of the organs in her pelvis. Robin said they had to scrape it off when they got to it. Robin said it was so massive that they didn't know where to attack it. Robin said they had to keep moving things around to get to it.
Howard said he heard all of this and he figured this was the end. Howard said he was freaking out and didn't know what to think. Howard said he was already writing the eulogy. Howard said it was the most awful thing ever. Howard said it leveled him. He said never mind Robin, it leveled him.
Robin said she was wondering what was going on with everyone else outside of that room. Howard said this was the start of his summer too. He said that's how horrible it was.
Howard said it was very serious and at one point they were talking about how long Robin would stay alive. Robin said the doctor came in the next morning and told her they got everything they could. Robin said they were worried about getting it all. Robin said things were great after that. She said they sent the tumor off to get analyzed and a couple of weeks later they said they were going to try to prolong her life. Robin said that she didn't understand that term.
Howard said that Robin's breasts were fine through all of this so that's good. Robin said that everything was fine with them. Howard said that was amazing and people were writing songs about giving her anal and they weren't sure they'd even be able to get in there.
Howard asked how many mammogram machines it takes to get those things checked. Robin said it's only one but they have to check from many angles.
Howard said when Robin went to the doctor they told her they were going to see how long they could keep her alive. Robin said she never felt bad so that was the thing. Howard said he stayed strong during the whole thing and said that she was going to live and she did.
Howard said they were telling Robin that they weren't sure how long she had. Robin said they didn't think it was going to work. She said they were going to try and keep her going and it sounded very dire.
Howard said they thought it might be ovarian cancer or something but they weren't even sure. Robin said they found that it was uterine tissue that the cancer was growing in. Robin said that they had never seen this before so they didn't know what to do. Howard said they think that it was either the guy in San Francisco with the huge penis or maybe it was rice. Robin said it's not rice.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that it's about time that she's able to come forward with the story. Mariann said that she has wondered how Robin has been for the past year. She said that Robin was very strong and they love her very much.
Howard got back to the story. Robin said that she heard that news and she got a second opinion. Robin said she decided on Fred and Benjy. Robin said that she actually went to Memorial Sloan Kettering and that's where you go. Robin said that she's glad she met a doctor over there. Robin said that this doctor was the most amazing person. Howard said she found Dr. Carol Aghajanian and another doctor at UCLA who has been an amazing advisor. Robin said that this one doctor told her that it was not all bad and that there was a lot to be taken from her case.
Howard asked if it's fair to say that you should put together a team of people to figure these things out. Robin said absolutely. Robin said that they need to be able to tell you what's going on. Robin said you have to trust the people and trust the treatment.
Howard asked Robin what they said to her at Sloan Kettering. Robin said they knew what she had and what they could treat her with. Robin said that the doctor told her they were going for a cure. Robin said there was never any doubt in her mind that this wasn't curable.
Howard said he gets chills again hearing this story. Howard said he felt distraught. He said when they say they're going for a cure they give you something to hold on to. Robin said that meeting happened the day after the meeting where they said they were going to try to prolong her life. Robin said it was like night and day.
Howard asked what went on next. Robin said she had to get radiation and chemotherapy. Robin said that this was around June. Robin said she figured she'd be done in 2 or 3 months. Robin said that she realized that she wouldn't be out of treatment until the end of the year.
Howard said Robin didn't miss more than like 2 shows in this whole thing. Robin said it was like 2 and a half. Howard said she scheduled all of her treatments around their breaks. Howard said she was going through Chemo and radiation and still working everyday on the air. Howard said he was flabbergasted. Howard said he figured she'd be out for a year. Howard said Robin told her that she felt normal when she was doing the show. Robin said that she did end up with that Ileostomy. She had the bag on her side and she wasn't able to pee either. Robin said she had a urine bag and a crap bag. Howard said he never heard Robin complained during any of this. He said she was going through a tremendous radiation treatment and she kept it going. Howard said Robin is a freak. He said she loves Chemo. Howard said she has more energy on Chemo. Robin said it was actually on radiation.
Howard said Robin came through that and it didn't bother her at all. Robin said she's seen others go through it and she didn't get all of the stuff that others get. Robin said the radiation was the start of it and the told her she'd lose energy. Robin said they started the radiation and they asked how she was doing. Robin said she felt fine. Howard said it really didn't seem to do much to her. Robin said that they were looking for the burning skin from the radiation. Robin said the doctor was wondering if they were even turning on the machine. Robin said she never did experience much of anything. She said she was feeling so good after 3 weeks that she was working every morning and she'd go out to dinner every evening. Robin said she even went to see a Broadway show. Robin said she'd get up and work the next morning. Robin said she felt really good.
Howard asked Robin about what happened next. Robin said she got Chemo and she was told that would get to her too. Robin said this was just 6 weeks after surgery. Robin said that they gave her the first dose of Chemo and she passed out when she got home. Robin said she had to watch AGT that night and she did that. Robin said she had to know what Howard was up to. Howard said Robin had to do that even in the midst of this. Robin said she had to know what was going on.
Robin said Howard called her the next day and she told him that she got the best night sleep in a long time. Howard said he was blown away. Howard said Robin lost her hair because of this. Robin said she lost it after the second batch of Chemo. Robin said one of her friends was glad that happened because she wasn't showing signs of the radiation treatment. Robin said that she lost all of her hair. She has some hair on her head now but she had lost it all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's glad to hear this is working out for her. He said that the next time Benjy is late Howard really has to fire him. He said just look at what Robin is doing. Howard said he's got a good point there. The caller said that his mother had a mass show up in an x-ray and she went to Sloan Kettering and they treated her like they understood what she was going through.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard and Robin have both been great through this. Howard said it was very difficult. He said Robin means more to him than anything. He said he was torn up by this whole thing. He said it was very upsetting. Robin said Howard said to her that she must feel alone but Howard would not leave her alone.
The caller asked if she thinks that turning to veganism helped her out. Robin said the better health you're in when you go into this the better the chance of survival is. She said that it did help. Robin said that could have been a big help. Howard said he doesn't think that most people would have survived what Robin went through.
Robin said that she has had other operations and the big one was her breast reduction. The caller said that he's thought of going vegan and this is a deciding factor for him. Howard asked Robin what she asked the doctor. Robin said that she asked him what he was going to do and describe the operation. Robin said it only made things worse. Robin said it sounded catastrophic to her. Robin said that when he was done she said she didn't think that she was even going to make it through that. Howard said everything seemed so dire to him.
Robin said she went through the radiation and she tolerated that well. Robin said they were scanning her every few months to make sure everything was okay. Robin said she had the radiation and then the Chemo. She had four rounds. Robin said she had surgery to reverse the Ileostomy. Robin said this wasn't going to be over until after the new year. Robin said about 3 and a half months ago she went to the doctor and she told her that she was cured. Robin said she was told that she was done and she didn't have to do anything else. Robin said they told her she was cured.
Howard said when Robin told her this it was like the miracle. He said he can't even tell you what he felt. Howard said he thought they were going to kill Robin by ripping her apart. Howard said he didn't know how she was going to come out of this. Howard said he didn't know. George said it really is miraculous. Howard said it is. Howard said that these doctors were great. He said Dr. Agus was great and so was this Dr. Carol. Robin said Dr. Agus was great describing the pathology report and things like that.
Howard said to see her pull through this is amazing. Howard said that he saw Robin after this and he didn't think it could get any worse. Then she tells him that she's fully cured. Howard said she can shit, she can piss... She can do it all. Robin said that she told Howard one day that she had peed. She said it was like she had just had a child.
George said that was a harrowing story. Howard said he thought she was a goner. Howard said he could have taken advantage of her because she was so vulnerable. George said she's made of strong stuff. He said her professionalism is extraordinary. Robin said it never occurred to her that she wouldn't be on the air. Robin said she told them to set up that ISDN line and she'd be at work. She said that she had to work.
Howard said that they didn't discuss all of this and it was the best thing. Robin said she was in terrible pain until she was on the air. Robin said she was pain free when she was on the air. Howard said he's glad they kept it quiet. Howard said it worked out. Robin said that it didn't sound odd when they were doing the show. George said he had no idea this was going on. He said that Robin sounded like it was the same you. He said you'd never expect that such horrific things were going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that she's in his prayers. Hard said that's not necessary now. He said she's cured. Robin said she'll take it anyway. The caller asked if Jackie knew about this at all. Robin said that he did question others about what her condition was. Howard did his Jackie impression and goofed on him for a minute. Howard said he's not sure if Jackie knew. Robin said he did know and he asked about her through others. She said he didn't contact her directly though. Howard said he knows Jackie loves her and appreciates her. Robin said she loves and appreciates Jackie too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how many times he cried during this. Howard said it was many times. Howard said he would get into crying jags and his wife helped him with that.
Robin said that it meant so much to her. Robin said that people don't understand how people who love them save their loves. Robin said that she came back from the doctor and had a long discussion with Howard about how she didn't want to live that way if she had to live with certain conditions. Robin said that she realized how much she meant to Howard and she was considering living with things that she never thought she could live with. She knew that Howard loved her so much.
Howard said he's lived with this face for so long so he knew he could get her through this. Howard said that Robin has been there for him through thick and thin. Howard said that he had to be there for her. Howard said she was going through so much. Howard said that it was awful and the worst thing ever. Howard said ''fuck cancer.''
Robin said that when she sees people doing things that cause cancer she's like ''fuck them.'' Robin said that she and Howard were doing that and going back and forth with the fuck them thing and laughed by the end of it. Howard said poor Fred got a lot of fuck you's in that. Howard said he wants to apologize for that. Robin said Benjy only got a few fuck you.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's very happy for Robin and she's an inspiration. She wondered if the coffee enemas ever came into this. Howard said they did from him. Robin said she was struggling inside and she didn't know why. Robin said that the colonic's were changing and no one knew why. Robin said it's because the tumor was getting larger and no one knew.
the caller said Robin must be feeling much better because she took the 10 inch cock. Robin said that wasn't recently. That was a long time ago. Robin said the colonics are good for people. She said she can't participate in that anymore though.
Howard said he doesn't want to hear about colonics anymore. Howard said he doesn't want to hear about George doing that anymore either. George said Robin is made of strong stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's glad to hear that Robin is doing well. He also suggested that Howard fire Benjy. Howard said that would be funny. Howard said he did promise god that he would fire Benjy if Robin was alright.
King of All Blacks called in and said that he knows Howard doesn't believe in god but did he pray. Howard said he did. Howard said he would do anything to keep Robin going. Howard said he even had a conversation with Fred. That's how distraught he was.
Robin said Fred was amazing too. Howard told her not to say that. Robin said Fred was right there for her. Howard said Robin woke up and saw Fred there and woke up in Cardiac shock. Howard said he got to the hospital and there was Fred.
King said that his father is going through the same thing. Robin said it has touched everyone. King said you have to get an Indian doctor. He said they used to be white but now they're Indian.
Howard took a call from Al Rosenberg who said that he's adored Robin from a distance. Al said he wasn't able to find out anything while this was going on. He said he left messages with Tim and he's sure that he didn't relay them. He said that Robin is great on the show and he can't imagine not hearing her voice. Al said that Sloan Kettering is the way to go. Howard said he can't believe that so many people throw in the towel.
Al said you have to go to a good hospital or you'll die there. He said that's the way to go. Al said that he loves Robin and he's so glad that she's okay.
Howard said he wants to thank Dr. Agus and everyone who consulted her. Howard said he wants to thank him for stepping in. Robin said this guy knew all of her appointments and he'd contact her before every one and they'd talk after. Robin said he was there for her. Robin said he would get to her before she could get to him. Robin mentioned a bunch of doctors who helped her out. She said that Dr. Carol told her that the other doctors did a great job. She said that they eased her mind right away. Robin said that they did a great job getting rid of the tumor and that's what Dr. Carol was telling her.
Howard said Robin is a trained nurse and she has some background in this. Howard said if you're a complete layman then you won't get it. Howard asked if anyone attempted to straddle her in the hospital. Robin said they did not.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she tried smoking medical marijuana. Robin said that's funny because some people did ask her if she could get it because they wanted to try it. Howard thanked the guy for the call and said hallelujah. He said he means that. Howard said that this has been some ride. Robin said that everyone on the show was amazing. Robin said Benjy tried to visit her but she avoided him like the plague. Howard said he heard about that and he told him to back off. He said Benjy could have set her back. Howard said he's sure she still can't handle it. Robin said that she's healthy now and she can't. Howard said it's just too much. Howard said no one can handle that.
Howard asked who else was sweet to her. Robin said it was Ronnie Mund. Robin said he was devastated by this whole thing and she doesn't think anyone knew other than Stephanie. Robin said that Ronnie would keep telling her that he loves her. Howard said this is a lot to absorb. He said that they are all going to think about it during the commercials. Howard said this is why Robin hasn't been there. Robin said that she still needs time to recover so that's why she hasn't been back to the studio. Robin said that there are still internal effects that she needs to recover from. Robin said that's why she's still working from home.
Howard asked who the least nice person was in all of this. Robin said no one was really not nice. Robin said she did want to kill Richard Christy during the big storm last year though. She said that Richard stayed home to take care of his pet during the storm and said ''Well Robin's not here...'' Robin said that she wanted to kill him over that.
Howard said Robin has a book coming out soon. Robin said that she thinks that people have to eat real foods and eat more vegetables and this is a cook book that gives you tasty recipes for them.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she has reached out to Bobo's hair stylist to set her up with something. Howard said maybe she can wear Bobo's hair piece. Robin said if he has extras maybe she'll reach out. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's crazy that this came out today. He said he has a 6 month check up for his own cancer today. He said it's crazy that things worked out with the same timing. Robin said nothing bad had ever happened to her since her childhood. The caller said he was the same way. He said he never drank and never smoked. He said he went to the hospital with pain and the doctor told him that they were pretty sure he had testicular cancer. He said it just floors you. Howard said he understands Benjy tried to visit him as well. The caller said he wouldn't let him in. Howard thanked the caller for the call. Robin said Benjy should know that sick beds are not where he should be.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's 2 and a half years cancer free. He asked if she was able to eat during her Chemo. Robin said she was able to eat.
Another caller asked Robin about her vegan diet and if she has ever thought about just having a burger and fries. Robin said she was never a big meat fan but she did want to give in. She said that she righted herself though.
Howard said that eating fish is good for you though. Robin said the omega stuff can be found in other places. She said you don't have to eat fish. Robin said that she was told to try fish. George was trying to ask a question but Robin said that she's trying to get this story out. Robin said she has eaten fish in the recent past but she didn't eat fish at Howard's house. Howard said he slipped it into her food. Howard said Robin is a vegan but she ate fish because she was told to. Robin said that is not the most efficient way to get things into your body. Robin said the most efficient way is to eat vegetables.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this was such a horrible story and you could feel the pain. He said it's a horrible day. Howard said it's a happy day because Robin is a survivor.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked Robin for telling her story. He said he's going through Chemo himself. He said he has bone cancer. Howard said that everyone should experience it like Robin did. Howard said Robin enjoyed the Chemo. Robin said she didn't love it. Howard wished the caller luck with his fight. Robin said that attitude has a lot to do with it. Robin said that doctors should take that into consideration.
Howard asked Robin when sexual desire returns. Robin said she feels like George. Howard asked if she has masturbated. He said the cancer was in that area. Robin said she didn't have feeling down there for a long time. Robin said she couldn't feel anything. Robin said for a while she wasn't feeling much. Robin said now she's feeling a little too much. Howard told her to prove it to everyone.
Howard asked if Robin is back in the saddle again. Robin said it's not as frequently but it does work down there. Robin said you can still have some fun. Howard said he's been wondering about that for a while now. Robin said Howard asked her about everything else. Robin said Howard knew that she had to go get a barium enema and he leaned over to her at a party and told her to enjoy her enema. Howard said he knew that she'd enjoy that.
Howard said at one point he brought a Sybian to the hospital and chickened out. Robin said two days after surgery Howard brought her a gift basket that had Chapstick and chewing gum which is what the doctors told him to bring. Robin said Howard had brought a self portrait of himself as part of the gift. Howard said he had it sitting by her bed. Robin said it was like a shrine sitting by her bed. Howard said it was a close up of his face. Howard said Robin felt better immediately.
Robin said that there was a story about Howard having special healing powers not too many years ago. Robin said that she put that picture up and now look at her. Robin said it was the conversation piece of the room. Howard said the nurses were ignoring Robin for weeks because of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has some protein for Robin that he could put right on her tongue. Robin said that she was talking about animal protein. Howard said he had to got to break after that.
Howard said it's a little annoying that his kiss with Howie was considered a joke. Howard said he thinks that Howie wanted him. He said for the finale he may fuck Howie live on the show. Howard said he's going to bend him over the table and go in.
Howard said that GLAAD has invited him to get an award. Howard said he is very much into gay rights. George said it's human rights. Howard said that's right. He said everyone should be happy.
Howard said George was asking him if Blurred Lines was still number 1 in the country. Howard said George was actually hacking up something during the break and he said ''Dry Oatmeal'' to him. He said he had a whole conversation going about that during the break.
Howard got to the top 5 songs which included Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, Eminem, Robin Thicke and Katy Perry at number 1. Howard said that she knocked Robin Thicke out of the number 1 spot. Howard said he likes this Katy Perry song. Howard said he was reading about men and women in pop and most of the songs are collaborative. He said that's what you have to do these days. Howard said that's what he read in Bob Lefsetz's column.
Howard said he has a few more things to get to before the news today. He said Robin has blown everyone away with her story today. He said Gary was telling him that even he didn't know a lot of what she told this morning.
Howard said Beth told him he looked frail after he lost his 20 pounds. Howard said he wants to look like Mick Jagger. He said that's the look he's going for. He said maybe he could go for the Joe Perry in Aerosmith look. George said that maybe he could go for that Steven Tyler look. Howard said Steven has the same problem with his feet that George has. Howard said they're a mess. George said he thinks that his problem is from running with the wrong size shoes. Howard said there's no way the shoes did that. George said he just ran with them once and that happened. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said his feet look like he went to that planet where the guy took off his space suit and the thing got into his skin. George said that thing went into the palm of their hand. Howard said he knows that.
Howard said the feet thing is a known thing with Steven Tyler. The guys had a shot of Tyler's feet up on the screen in the studio. George said that's what his left foot looks like.
Howard said he has to play a few things. He said he had a commercial for Jackie's new way of paying for things. The guys created a parody where Jackie pays for things with Jokes.
Howard said someone sent in a song about George. The song was ''So In Love With George Takei'' to the tune of ''I'm Turning Japanese.''
Howard also had some audio of Prince William talking about how surprised he was when the Royal baby came out white. George wondered if that was the real Prince. Howard said it was. George didn't believe it. George said that he was named after George the VI. He said that his father loved all things British. George started to tell a story about his brother being fat, round and rolly poly. He said that he was fat as Henry the VIII. He said that's why he's named Henry.
Howard said Ronnie is in a Dodge commercial. Howard played the bit that the guys put together with Ronnie talking about how the Camaro is a piece of shit and things like that.
Howard said Ronnie also confronted Anthony Weiner. Howard played that bit where they put Ronnie's voice into a news clip where Weiner was arguing with a guy in a deli.
George said he has never seen Anthony Weiner's wiener. Howard said he has. George said he'd like to see that. Howard asked the guys to find a picture. Scott DePace said they're on it. Howard said he wants George to evaluate it. Howard said they had it on the screen. Howard asked George if he can make that out. George saw it and said that it wasn't very impressive. Howard said if he saw his he'd be really disappointed. George said it's nicely hung actually. Howard said he shaves. He said that's kind of weird. He said he's not a porn star. Howard asked if it was impressive or not. George said it wasn't bad.
Howard said they got a lot of Robin song parodies and many of them were to Metallica songs. Howard played a couple which were to the tune of popular Metallica songs. George said that Robin is ready for those songs. Howard said those were from Matt Evans. This next one was from Eli Braden. Howard played that one and it was to the tune of Lady Gaga's new song. Howard had another one from Eli that was to an older song. Howard asked if these songs were hard to listen to when Robin was sick. Robin said she felt like she was living a lie. George was shocked that they were still playing songs like this when she was sick.
Howard said Robin admitted on the air the other day that she took in 10 inches. That led to Howard playing a bit where Robin and Wood Yi were having sex and Robin was talking about taking in 10 inches.
Howard asked George if he has ever taken 10 inches. George said he has never taken that in the rear. Howard asked how big he's had in his mouth. George said he's very inquisitive isn't he. Howard asked if he can get a lot in his mouth. George said he can.
Howard played another parody about Robin taking the 10 inches. Robin said she could only take in 5 of the 10 inches.
Howard said that there were a lot of Baba Booeys during the US Open. Howard played a clip where a guy yelled out a Baba Booey while an announcer was talking about some people walking during the match. They don't mention the Baba Booey so they must be ignoring them so they'll just go away. George said when he goes to a convention he hears at least half a dozen Baba Booeys. He said they're everywhere.
Howard played another couple of clips where people were yelling out Baba Booey during the tennis match. Howard said that he thought they had banned women from grunting but Serena Williams is grunting like crazy. Howard played some of the audio of that match where the grunting and moaning was going on. Howard said the one chick sounds like Jackie laughing. That led to Fred playing a Jackie clip and Howard went back with his own sounds to create what that might sound like.
Howard had a clip of more women grunting. Gary said this is when they told the women they had to stop it. Howard said Billy Jean King never grunted. Robin said they didn't hit the ball like the girls do now. Howard said they're comparing different times. Howard said the next thing you know they'll be barking like dogs. Fred played a clip of George barking like a little yippy dog. George didn't know it was even him. He thought Fred was making it up. George wanted to know when he did that. Howard said that's when they held him down and fucked him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a mass in his pelvis and it's named George. Howard said maybe that's what caused the cancer. The caller asked when they're going to talk about what really happened to Robin and talk about the African Jew Baby that they're hiding. Howard said that's true. He said the caller caught them and Robin had his baby and he didn't want his wife to find out.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he joked with a doctor about not having to wipe if you have a colostomy and the doctor told him that there will always be anal mucus. Howard wondered what the hell was going on today. He was going to hang up but the guy told him that the President is going to be on tomorrow night when AGT is on. Howard said he didn't know that. He said they have a great show coming up.
The caller was wondering if he could get tickets to AGT because he asked for them like 2 weeks ago. Gary said he can't guarantee them. Howard said he'd take his information and try. He put him on hold with Gary again.
Howard said he didn't know that the President was on tomorrow night. Robin said he's going to be on tomorrow night and she's not sure what will happen with the AGT feed. Howard said they don't need to run the speech on AGT. Howard said there's no reason for him to go in if the show won't be on live. Howard said he's not available to do it any other time though.
Howard had George do an announce before they went to break. George wondered why they don't have an Asian on The View. He said he'd like to suggest that they put him on. They went to break a short time later.
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Robin said the one thing she has not heard is the Wednesday show when she wasn't there. She said from what people told her it sounds like it was a eulogy.
Howard said the cold air in the studio is blowing on his neck. He said maybe they should turn it up a little bit. Howard said he feels like he's in the tundra.
Howard said Dennis Rodman is over in North Korea again. Howard said maybe Kim Jong Un thinks he's the president. Howard said Kim Jong Un may speak better English than Dennis does. Howard said he's interviewed Dennis and he can't understand what he's saying.
Robin said that Dennis is supposed to have some news today when he returns from North Korea. Robin said that he's not involved in the imprisonment of a US citizen over there. Howard said he just heard that Larry Byrd is on his way to Syria.
Howard asked Robin what she has in the news. Fred played her in with a song parody where they sing about having Robin return to Guatemala. Howard said he blames Robin's trip to Peru for causing her cancer. Howard said that something happened down there that caused the cancer. Robin said that at a certain point Howard asked if she wanted to talk to someone about what she was going through. Robin said she thought she'd just go do more Ayahuasca. Howard told her there was no way she was going to do that. Howard said he can tell her now that all of that crazy shit is going to stop now. He said that she went to this third world country and did this and she has to stop this bullshit. Howard said her body reacted in a violent way. Howard said she has to cut it out.
Howard told George what Robin did and George said that's so foolish. George said you never know what kind of potions they're going to give you. Howard said he's right about that.
Howard said that there was a thing over the weekend where they found that shit from skinny people may help fat people get thin. Howard said that he's going to shit in Jason's mouth and he'll be skinny in a week. Howard said Jon Hein is next if he has any left. George said it's not actually shit, it's the tissue.
Howard said that this 19 year old kid chopped his own head off with a radio controlled helicopter. Howard said that it's like a flying chain saw. Robin said this guy was trying to do a difficult maneuver and it ended up cutting his head off. Howard said it's enough with the toys. George said he gave his grand nephew a helicopter. Howard said if you're that interested in it then to work on a real helicopter. Howard said this poor guy lost his life. Robin said the body was found by someone who was walking in the park and found part of the head missing.
Howard said there's a stop in the porn industry because of some cases of HIV. Howard said that no one cares because there's so much porn out there.
Howard said that Robin was tweeting like mad yesterday and people thought that her account was hacked. Robin said she just decided to communicate yesterday. Howard said Robin sent out a picture of her green drink and Beth figured someone hacked her account. Howard said he told Beth that Robin would do something like that. Robin said she made up a little saying about the drink.
Howard asked Robin when her book is coming out. Robin said it's October 1st. Howard said someone must have told her to start tweeting. Robin said that's not true. She said that's not why she started tweeting again.
Howard said JD took home a Fleshlight from Lisa Ann and he thinks that it rejected JD. George said poor JD gets picked on there. Howard said they had Lisa on the show and she brought JD the Fleshlight. Howard said she fucks like 50 guys but JD doesn't get to have sex with her. George said he feels sorry for him.
Howard asked JD if he fucked it. JD said he will not use them. He said he has them in his office and that's where they're going to stay. He said he did try a pocket pussy years ago. He said that he won't do it again. JD said that he fucked the pocket pussy like once or twice. He said it didn't last long. He said it's not very sturdy. Howard said he fucked a piece of rubber and broke it. George said that's a warning to all the women out there. JD said ''You're damn right, George.''
Howard took a call from Miss Howard Stern, Andrea Ownbey. She said that she anted to ask Howard if she could do something. Howard said they got her about 10 years ago and no one has ever been better at it so they've never replaced her. George said she looks attractive from the photo he's looking at. Andrea said that she heard a strange conversation earlier and she was wondering if Howard would let her do this thing. Howard asked what it is. Andrea said she wants to make one of those rubber vaginas so she doesn't get AIDS from people who want to fuck her. She said Doc Johnson wants to do it and have it done in the studio. Howard said he doesn't mind if she does the mold in the studio but he doesn't want the name ''Miss Howard Stern'' on the box. Andrea said she doesn't need that. She said she can sell it with her own name. Howard said that if it's her name that's fine. Howard said he's going to check the rules and find out if she can do it. Howard said the rules say that she can't use Miss Howard Stern. He said that the contestant can do it under her own name though.
Robin asked Andrea why she was saying she didn't want to become a prostitute. Andrea said she's not getting any younger and she won't have to risk her life. Howard said that she can do it as long as she doesn't use the Miss Howard Stern name or Howard Stern. Howard said that the lawsuits would start flying all over the place if she does use his name. Andrea said she would never do that. Howard wished her luck with that.
Howard said that the Miss Fred Norris name could be used instead. He said that you can abuse that name if you want to. Howard thanked Andrea for calling in. Howard said that she has a bona fide offer for a rubber vagina. Howard said that's what comes when you have that title. Howard asked who wouldn't want that. He said if the vagina sells well then they'll have a rubber asshole next.
Howard asked Robin what else she has in the news. Robin said she was reading about the RFK Jr. diaries. Howard asked how they came out. Robin said that the wife of RFK must have inherited them and then she let them out. Howard said he was jealous in a way. Howard said someone told him he should journal but he'd have to lock it up. Howard said he wants to be able to do it but someone would get a hold of it and release it. Howard and Robin went over that a little bit and then Howard got into his Kennedy impression. He did Ted Kennedy from the grave. Howard did that impression for a short time and talked about the family fucking anything that walked with two feet. Howard and Robin talked about the diaries and what he was talking about in them.
Robin read some news about the New York Mayoral race and what's been going on with that. Howard stayed in his Kennedy voice and goofed around with that for a short time.
Robin read about the new iPhone that's due to be announced on Wednesday. Robin said that the iPhone 5C and 5S should be revealed on Wednesday. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about a club drug called Molly. Robin said it's a pure form of ecstasy. Robin said that they think that a bad batch may have killed some people in August. Robin said that there have been about 4 deaths in the past few months that may have been caused by this drug. Howard asked George if he ever did anything like that. George said he did poppers. Howard asked if that's for relaxing his sphincter. George said it's for that and for other sensations. He said it makes it more dreamy. Howard said he wants to know for when he's with Howie Mandel again. He said he might want to relax his sphincter.
Robin read about Clint Eastwood hitting on the ex-wife of the man his ex-wife is with. Howard said the guy must still want it. Robin said he's 83 years old. Howard said that's wild. Howard said you'd think he'd be sad but he just wants to move on.
Robin said Ariel Castro has died in his jail cell. Robin said that he hanged himself with sheets in his cell. Robin said he didn't last a month in there. Howard said he's glad that he did that. He said he's saving the tax payers a lot of money. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about George Zimmerman's marriage falling apart. Robin said that the trial put a lot of strain on the marriage. Howard said the wife should tell her next husband not to shoot a kid with a hoodie on. Howard said that he'd put money on Zimmerman to get laid before JD if he had to bet on that.
Robin said there is an Air Force colonel who is talking about getting funds for a possible zombie attack. Robin said that he has a plan for an air attack if they ever do come out.
Robin read about Dennis Rodman coming back from North Korea.
Robin read about how the leader of Syria could be facing an attack from the United States because of his use of chemical weapons against his own people. Howard asked George if he's for or against this attack. George said he is not a supporter of wars but in this case he thinks it's a preventative thing. Robin had some audio of some people talking about this Syria situation. Howard asked if John Kerry got a face lift. He said he looks odd. George didn't think so. Howard asked if Lady Gaga got a nose job. Howard said she looks better and better.
Howard said he was listening to Ozzy's Boneyard and he heard a song that he really liked. He said he has to play it for Robin. Howard said it's called Thunder Underground. Howard said Richard would know that. Fred found the song and played it. Richard came in and said the song is awesome. He wasn't sure where the song was from. Howard read that it was recorded in 1995. Richard said he doesn't know how he missed that one. It was on his album Ozzmosis.
Howard said he told Richard that he could sit in there for Metallica as long as he lets George pour some beer in his asshole. Howard said he has a bigger asshole than Bernie Madoff. Howard said they'll see Richard on tomorrow's show.
Robin read about how the porn industry is shut down because a third porn actor has tested positive for HIV. Robin said they had to shut down last month because of another actor that tested positive. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a report about Robin Thicke possibly cheating on his wife. Howard said he thought that he had said his marriage was pretty open. Robin said that he said he did things with his wife, nothing about him going outside the marriage.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he thinks John Kerry got a face lift and that Lady Gaga got a nose job. Howard thanked him for confirming what he was wondering about.
Robin read about Vin Diesel's new move ''Riddick'' being number one at the box office this weekend. Howard said he makes shitty movies that do very well at the box office. Howard said the guy is good at that.
Robin read about Serena Williams winning again and having a good day yesterday. Robin had some audio of Serena talking about her game. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
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Jon asked Gary about what he knew. Gary said he knew about the first operation. He said the first day he got some misinformation. He said he got the news that this wasn't good at all. Jon said that was a possibility. Gary said he heard it wasn't going well during the operation. Jon said they had to move that big tumor around inside of her. He said it was a very long operation. Jon said that Robin looked fantastic when they went to visit her. He said that the picture of Howard was in her room too.
Gary said things were slow going at first but he thought that things were going okay. He said he didn't know that the prognosis was so bad. Jon said that Robin was talking about how she didn't know if she wanted to live her life that way. Gary said that's got to be better than not living at all.
Jason said it was great hearing her today and they had lunch with her just a couple of months after. He said they were amazed at how well she took it. Jon said she did lose her hair in the second round of Chemo. Jon said her spirits are so great through all of this. He said that things would be so different if Robin wasn't there. He said today we got a taste of what their relationship is really like.
Gary said that it was very unsettling for Howard to go through. He said he can only imagine what he was thinking. Gary said it would be very hard to pull off the show if Robin wasn't there.
The guys talked about George sitting in and how he may have been pushed to the back a little bit today with Robin telling her story. Jason said that George is great on the show. He said that he wasn't going to talk about his weight but a minute later he was talking about his weight.
Gary said he thinks that George comes in there expecting not to talk about it but then Howard talks about it and that's his way of talking to Brad through the radio show. Steve Brandano wondered if he thinks he held his promise not to talk about it. Gary said he doesn't think so. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said that he was talking to Robin about Robin Roberts recently when he went out to eat with her. Gary said Robin told him that she couldn't do what Robin Roberts is doing.
Jon said that Ronnie is close to Robin and he was mentioned today. Ronnie said that sometimes you don't want to talk about the illness. He said that's what Robin was doing. She was just going on with her life. Ronnie said that he has seen Robin go through a lot of shit in her life. He said that she's locked herself in her house and things like that. He said he's glad that she got through this and snapped back.
Gary said they're a family there and it's more than just working together. Gary said he thinks about how amazing this thing is that Howard has built. He said that they do see each other socially. He said Robin has known him since he still lived with his parents. She's seen him get married and have kids and now send his kid off to college. It's really a family.
Benjy said they are family and he lives in a shed out back. Benjy said he took it like an inspiring thing when she was facing all of this and she was still being artistic. Gary said he could tell the show meant everything to her. He said that she got in front of the microphone every day and that made her feel better.
Benjy said that he texted to Robin about visiting her and she told him to check back the next week. He said he kept trying and she kept telling him to try again next week.
Jon said that he thinks that you're a better friend if you don't show up because you're respecting their wishes. Gary said that he checked in with her a lot and she liked telling him where she was at. He said that he didn't even have to ask.
Ronnie said he would visit Robin and they'd laugh together a lot. He said he made her laugh and they would talk about the old days and stuff like that.
Gary asked Ronnie how weird he thought the whole thing was. Ronnie said he hugged her on the day that she was going for her operation and they both almost busted out crying.
Benjy wondered if Howard would still do the show. Gary said the show wouldn't be the same if Robin wasn't there. Benjy said he doesn't think that he'd keep the show going. He said he thinks that he might end the thing if she wasn't there.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if Robin's studio is still there. Gary said it is. Benjy said he has a lot of stuff in there. Gary said it won't take long to clean it out.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Robin could get that kind of care with the new health care laws. Gary said he's not sure about that. Gary said what he got out of today is that you should always get a second opinion. He said that he gets a second opinion when he gets a roof put on his house. He said you should always do that no matter what you're getting done.
Gary said any money you have is useless if you're dead. He said you should do what you can to get the best care you can.
Another caller asked if they're inspired by what Robin has done and if they want to work harder because of that. Gary said it is very inspirational. He said that he doesn't know that he could do what Robin did. Jon said it got her through a lot of days. Howard said she's doing what she loves to do. That's what helped her. They went to break a short them later.
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Jon said that George gets the show and he has a great sense of humor. Benjy said that they got a close up of George crying during Robin's story. Ronnie said he was teared up in the hallway too. He said that George came to him and said that he didn't know he was the passionate one there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said this was a great show today. He asked where Lisa G and Tim Sabean are. Gary said that they're around. He said everyone is around. The caller was also asking about how this came up today. Gary and Jon talked about how they were waiting for Robin to be ready to talk about it and today she was ready.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that Robin is alive because she's rich and she knows people. He said that you need money to get that kind of care. Gary said you can consult with different people and you can get that kind of care. Ralph said that Robin found the right people. That's what counts.
Ralph said he had Lunch with Robin after she had Chemo one day. He said that it just fit into her day. He said it's wild.
Gary said that Robin is cured now. Ralph said he thought that you had to go a certain amount of time before you can say that. Benjy said Robin's doctor told her that it wasn't even in remission, she's just cured.
Jon said that Robin has had that energy that keeps her going. He said that one of the things Benjy brought up was if Howard would continue with the show. Gary said he thinks that he would. He said he thinks it would weigh on him. Gary said Robin would probably want him to keep going and not diminish what they've built. Jon said he knows the show has gone on over the years after losing people but he's not sure Howard would want to go on but thankfully they don't have to find out.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there are a lot of fans who just don't get it. He said sometimes you just have to back off. He said some of them get involved like it's their life. He said you can get into a dangerous territory. Gary said he thinks that's very well said. He said that even if you're a pretty regular listener it was very difficult to know if she was in the studio or not. Benjy said he wouldn't know if he didn't look up and not see her in her booth.
Gary said there were a lot of people who didn't know. He said he had to tell the guests that Robin was out. He said that he'd tell them not to reference it. He said it slows down the show if you bring it up. Gary said people would get this different voice on if they didn't see her there. Gary said they'd put on their sad voice.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she didn't even know Robin wasn't in the studio. She said they did a great job of covering it up. Gary said they never covered it up. He said they talked about it early on. He said they can't get on the air every day and bring it up. It just wasn't something they had to bring up every day.
Jon took a call from the guy who started the whole thing today. His name was Boner. The caller said Jon is a hell of a guy. Boner said he didn't think he was pushing himself into the call today. He said he was laying back. Jon said that at some point you just have to let Howard and Robin talk. Jon said he can understand how tempting it is to chime in though. Boner said he tried to but Howard kept him around until Mariann called in. Jon thanked him for the call and moved on.
The next caller asked how Richard Christy reacted to this. He said he's pretty emotional. Gary said he didn't really say anything today. Gary said he came close to crying himself. Jon said when Robin said she wasn't sure if she could tell a story without crying was pretty emotional.
Gary said he thinks that Howard was cracking jokes about that story to keep from getting emotional himself. Jon said they always have to lighten things up when that kind of stuff comes up. Gary said it had to be hard for both of them to go there today. Jon said things are looking great for Robin and they wish her a speedy recovery. They ended the show a short time later. They were done at 11:30am.
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Howard started the show talking about how George Takei was sitting in as their announcer this week. Howard had him do a quick announce. George did one about time traveling back to before Bill Shatner was born so he could stop him from being born so he could be captain of the Starship Enterprise. Howard said that might have been his best announce ever.
Howard said Robin was all over the news last night. He said that she was on the nightly news with Diane Sawyer. He said that he's told everyone on the show that they have to get a major illness or they'll be fired. Howard said that Robin was trending with Yahoo or Twitter or something. Robin said it was Yahoo but she fell down to number 3 after the guy who fell at Candlestick Park. Howard said that Robin stole the thunder from George Takei yesterday. Howard said he thought that he'd take over after his brackets where he despised Hitler.
George said Robin really was the talk of the town. Howard said that something crazy happens whenever George is there.
Howard said he was thinking about how George hates Hitler more than Shatner. Howard said he remembers a day when he said something else. Howard played a clip of George saying that Hitler was his hero. That was an edited audio clip where they switched things around. They had a couple where George called him witty and said that he'd be hosting an Adolph Hitler Pride Parade. They had him saying he was a very considerate soul too. Howard said George also said Adolph Hitler was wonderful. Howard said that was George and his love of Hitler.
Howard said he was reading an obituary about this guy Rochus Misch who was Hitler's bodyguard who just died at the age of 96. Howard said the guy was proud of it. Howard read some of the article had seen. He said he did 9 years in jail for being Hitler's bodyguard. Howard said he's not sure why he didn't get life. Robin said Hitler took most of his close people with him. Howard said he's not sure why he didn't die. Howard said Misch was a prisoner or war. He called Hitler ''the Boss'' like Bruce Springsteen. Howard said that they say he was the most unapologetic Hitler supporter. Robin said she likes a guy who doesn't change just because the times change. Howard read about how he relished the fame he got with his title. Howard said he also showed up at the bunker where Hitler died and asked if the visitors recognized him.
Howard said his daughter claims that his maternal grandmother was Jewish. So he had a Jewish bodyguard in a way. Robin said maybe that's why Hitler did himself in.
Howard said The Talk was talking about doing a revelations show and he thinks that it is a direct rip from what they did. Howard said a lot of talk shows do that. They rip them off and no one credits them. Jeff said that he cares. He said Howard cares too. Howard said Jeff drinks because he's upset when the show is ripped off. Howard thanked Jeff for the call.
Howard took another call from a guy who said a lot of people must feel like shit after hearing what Robin has gone though since they were getting mad that she wasn't there at the studio. Howard said hopes they do feel like shit.
Howard said there's a show called The Real where they were talking about the mayoral race there in New York. Howard played the clip and one of the hosts was saying ''He don't need to try to try to run for mayor...'' Howard said that grammar is awful. Then a host wonders how he's going to run the state if he can't run his own household. Howard said that's the most ridiculous thing he's heard. The mayor doesn't run the state. Howard said he knows his grammar is bad but not that bad. Howard said this other imbecile doesn't know that the Mayor doesn't run the state.
Howard ended up going into his George Takei voice and talked to George as George. Howard was saying some of his famous lines from the show and some of the words that he pronounces in his own special way.
Howard said what Robin had to say yesterday was very moving. Howard said so many people expressed an outpouring of love. Howard said Tony Daniels wrote some new song parodies about her. Howard said he did a beautiful job. Howard played one of the new parodies where he sang ''Robin Show Your Tits'' to ''Puttin' On The Ritz.'' Howard said that's beautiful. Howard said he doesn't speak for George but he thinks he loves that song. George said Robin is healthy again and those songs make sense.
Howard said you'd think with Robin being sick the songs would slow down but more came in than ever. Howard played another one where the guy was singing about Robin's boobs. He had another one about the 10 inch cock story Robin told. Howard said that was endless. He said Little Mikey was on a tear. Howard played one of his new ones. That was ''Boobies Look Delicious.'' Howard said it's good she didn't die or they'd have so many they'd never get to them all. Howard played another Little Mikey song that was to the tune of a Metallica song. Howard had him singing ''Amazing Breasts'' to the tune of ''Amazing Grace'' too.
Howard said he had one from Daniel Mendelson who did an opera like song (Puccini aria ''Nessun Dorma'' thanks Joan for the info) for her. He sang about her big brown boobs. He had George cracking up. Howard said Daniel loves Robin. George said that's the kind of melody that Robin deserves.
Howard played a clip from that MTV show where Luke Perry introduced him as Fartman. Howard said he came down and blew up the podium with his farts. Howard said that a couple of things came to mind. He said he was afraid they'd censor his ass cheeks. He said he hid them until he was going up on the hoist. Howard said that they took him and pulled him up on wires. He said the wires are very sharp like razor blades. Howard said they started to spin and his finger got caught. He said he thought he was going to lose a finger. He said he managed to pull it out before it got cut off.
Howard said they had a picture of his ass cheeks on the monitor. He said he was supposed to fly in but he just stood in mid-air. He said his flying didn't look that great.
Howard said he was very rude to Metallica and they were giving this heartfelt speech and he was stealing their spotlight. Howard said they toured the country in a car and lived out of it and he was turned around with his buttocks showing. Howard said at one point Lars put his foot up his ass. Howard said that was 1992. George said he farted on cue that night. Howard said he did.
Howard said they didn't know George very well back then. George said he had appeared on the show just once. He didn't come back for many years after that.
Howard said the awards were very fun back then and they had a great time. He said that they were still playing videos on the channel back then. Howard said now they seem kind of hollow because they're not about music anymore. He said it's a shame.
Howard said he sees all of his music videos online now. Howard said he was listening to some of the Nine Inch Nails album on iTunes. He said he didn't think he'd ever buy another new album but he likes this new one. Howard said it's basically just Trent Reznor. Howard said he left the band and cut his hair and he kind of lost interest. Howard said he wasn't as cool. Howard said he was so dark and mysterious. He said he thought he was a sick mother fucker back in those days. Howard said he really likes this new album though. He said that this is a serious purchase for him. He said he rarely buys anything like that.
Robin asked if Howard puts his music in the cloud. Howard said he has started doing that. Robin said she did that back at Christmas but she hasn't done it since. Howard said he has a playlist that is very gay. He said that George would think he's gay based on that playlist. Howard said there is nothing macho about it. Howard said he has albums that he wanted to transfer over to iTunes. He said he's in the middle of doing that. Howard said he's converting the music over to whatever format it is. He said someone is doing it for him. Howard said he has all of his macho music on those albums. Howard said he got on iTunes and bought some of the pop songs he likes. Howard said he bought Taylor Swift. He said he has to pull his phone out and tell them what's on his list. Howard asked them not to make fun of him. Howard said he just wants to be left alone this.
Howard said he spent $1.29 on these songs. He said he has Jealous Again from the Black Crows. That's cool. Howard said he has Rihanna's Diamonds on there too. He played that song for everyone to hear. Howard said he has another one on the song that was on his playlist. It was a Bruno Mars song. Howard said that's not so bad. Then he played Blurred Lines. Howard asked them not to bring those songs up when Metallica is there. Howard said he may return the songs and get his money back.
Howard said it gets worse. He played the next song which was a Katy Perry song. Robin said this is a nightmare. Howard played another one which was for when he's playing with his Barbies. Howard said next time he makes out with Howie this is what he's going to listen to. Howard played another song which was Gangnam Style. Howard asked George to dance with him. Howard said he had another one. It was Taylor Swift. Howard said iTunes thinks he's a 12 year old girl. He had a Black Eyed Peas song on there too. Howard said he'll have all of his cool music on the iPhone soon. Howard asked Robin if she knows what song this is. Robin said she thought it was the Black Eyed Peas. Howard said she's right.
Howard said he has a cool song on there. He said he loves this song. It was Jane's Addiction's ''Been Caught Stealin.'' Howard said he thinks this one was $1.29 too. He said he may have gotten that one on sale. He had Foo Fighters ''My Hero'' on there too. He said that they asked him to remove that from his playlist. Howard said that he downloaded the acoustic version of ''Everlong'' too. Howard sang some of that. Robin said it's good he never became a programmer. Howard said that it was the worst when he was a program director. Howard said that was the coolest station ever until he turned it into soft rock. Howard said the owner asked him to play sunny music on sunny days and sad music on rainy days.
Howard played the Black Crows song he downloaded. That was ''She Talks To Angels.'' Howard said these iPhones sound really good for a little phone. Robin said it wasn't bad. Howard said he's going to make Robin a mix tape. Robin asked him to please not do that.
Howard said he loves this song ''Insane in the Membrane.'' He played some of that for Robin off his iPhone. Howard said he plays manly songs when Beth walks into the room. He said he has played this one a lot. Howard was dancing with George. Robin said George can dance. Howard said he figured with his feet being so bad that he can't dance. Howard said these guys came in and told them about all the pot they smoke. Howard said he wishes they'd come back and tell him how it feels to be inside Carmen Electra.
Howard asked how you turn off the music. He said he doesn't know how to shut it off. He said there is no pause button. He found it a few seconds later. Robin said that he has his phone in a folding case. Howard said he rarely uses it as a phone. He said he can do that though.
Howard said you can use the iPhone case as a wallet. Robin asked if he's getting the new iPhone. Howard said he might if they announce it. Gary said they're announcing it today.
Howard said he should have a bed in his office. He said he should have a couch at least. Howard said he thought that he was being a modern executive there by taking the smallest office there. Howard said that's not the case. He said he's all scrunched up in his chair and he has a table there that he balances his feet on. He said he can't curl into the chair. He said he tries to sleep but it's very hard. George asked why he did that. Howard said it's too late now.
Howard said that naps are supposed to be good for you. He said he needs them. George said he knows that from his life experience. He said that the body demands after a while.
Howard said he was up last night and he was reading about CeeLo Green. He said he figured he could jerk off to get to sleep last night. He said it was such a big production that he didn't want to do it. Howard said he has to wrap his penis after he finishes. He said he keeps dripping. Howard asked George about dripping when he pees. George said he's fine after he pees. He said he uses a square of toilet paper. Howard said he wraps his penis in toilet paper and keeps it on all day long. Howard said Richie can make that into ''Dickens'' or something like that. Howard said he has to take his pants off when he's over at AGT so he has the toilet paper on. He said it comes out of the underpants sometimes. George said he might want to get adult diapers. George said he doesn't have that problem.
Howard said it's embarrassing. George said it should be. Howard said it's like he's peeing his pants. George said he should get something very absorbent down there. Richie Wilson said he has a copyright in the works.
Howard said when he goes running he has shorts on and he wraps his dick in toilet paper. He said his shorts will get wet when he's walking or running. He said he has a little pee come out so he wraps his dick. He said he has spoken to his doctor and he says he has an enlarged prostate. Howard said he has to get the TP out of his shorts without Beth seeing it. He said he has to palm it and get rid of it.
Howard asked how he learned it. George said he was sent a video and he learned by watching that. Howard asked if Brad taught him. George said he just watched that video. Robin asked what he's being paid to do this. George said he's doing this part for free. He said he's doing a narration thing that he's getting paid for and doing this part for free. Howard asked Fred to play the Chicken Dance at the start of the show from now on.
Howard took a call from a guy who called in from North Carolina. The guy brought up Howard's iTunes playlist and he said that he thinks that his 11 year old daughter's is the exact same thing. Howard said his list isn't complete yet. Howard said he has Ozzy and Metallica coming to his list soon. Howard said those songs will mix in with the other stuff. Robin let out an ugh when she heard that. Robin asked how it became so heavily weighted toward the other stuff. Howard said he just hasn't transferred his other stuff over yet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is the best thing on AGT. He also said he's a huge Star Trek fan and asked what he thinks about John Cho and if he'd like to tickle his tits. George said he's known John since he was about 15 years old. He said they have a theater company in Los Angeles that he's on the board of Governors for. Howard said George is involved with a lot. The caller asked if he had anything to do with him getting the part. George said that he has an interesting story about that. Howard asked for the abbreviated story. George said he had a lunch with JJ Abrams who told him he was casting for the part of Sulu. He said that he had found an actor who wasn't Japanese American and he asked if he was Asian American. George said JJ told him he was. He said that he was and he was looking at John. He said that he's actually Korean. George said that he just wanted him to be Asian and he was fine with him being Korean.
Howard asked George if he can tell the difference with Japanese and Korean. George said he can tell by certain things like body movement. George said that Japanese are very restrained. Howard asked what he thinks about the game ''Guess the Nese.'' George thought that was pretty funny. Howard asked if he can tell who someone is by the smell of their crotch. George said he might be able to. Howard said he might have to find some guys to do that with. George said he thinks he could do that.
The caller said he loves the episode Mirror, Mirror and he thinks that it's masterful. Howard cut him off and said that's enough of him.
George said that Brad found out about yesterday's conversation. Howard asked how he found out. George said that he gets emails and calls from people. Howard asked who is doing that to him. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Howard said people just tell people about things and they should just shut up. George said he knew Brad was going to have a reaction. He said that Brad was very pouty and he was upset that he talked about his weight. George said that Howard is seductive and he got it out of him. He said he was seduced by Howard. George said Brad was just silent. Howard said he should have taken off his clothes and just done the Chicken Dance. George said that he was the one who guided him through the dance.
Howard asked George more about the meeting he had with JJ Abrams. George said he was there to represent Gene Roddenberry's vision. Howard said he's shocked that JJ would have a meeting over something like that. He said he's not sure why anyone would care about his race.
Howard said that's pretty nice of JJ to have him talk to him about this stuff. Howard said that he could have gotten upset with JJ for not talking to him about a part in the movie. George said that he got a free breakfast out of that. He said he got a call from John not long after that. He said he had lunch with John so he got a couple of free meals out of the whole thing. George said John was worried how the fans would treat him when he played the part. Howard said that he'd be pissed if JJ dragged him out like that. Howard said the kid got the role and George didn't get anything but a meal.
Howard asked if George is attracted to John. George said he's not attracted in that way. Howard asked what he would do if his long cock was dangling in front of him. George said if he did some more sit ups and push ups then maybe. He said he's not out of shape but youth can be improved on. He said he thinks that he should be in better shape. Howard said George was in very good shape when he was doing Star Trek so he thinks that John Cho should be. Howard asked how George has seen him without a shirt on. George said that he has seen him on hot days with his shirt off. Howard said John Cho should get his shit together.
Robin asked George if it's true about Asian men's penises. George said there is great diversity. He said that he has around 7 inches himself. Howard said he breaks the stereotype.
Howard said they have an Asian guy on the staff of Howard TV and he wants him to tell him what he is. George said he may not be able to tell. He said if they're Americanized then he may not be able to tell. Howard said this is an attractive guy. Howard said he has nice musculature. Howard asked if he's gay or straight. The guy said he's straight. George said he was either Chinese American or Korean. He was Korean. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Ronnie just says ''Du'' and doesn't finish the word Dude. He played a bunch of songs they put Ronnie's ''Du'' clip into.
Howard said they have a guy there who is a very successful doctor. He said his name is Emil Chynn. Howard said that they learned about this guy because he's up to something very interesting. Howard said he went to three ivy league schools. Howard said he went to Dartmouth, Columbia and Harvard. Emil said that's correct. He's 47 years old and an eye surgeon. Howard asked why he missed Yale. Emil said that's because Yale is not Harvard.
Howard asked Emil what he does. Emil said that he does a non-cutting form of Lasek surgery. He said that they do all laser cutting so they don't have to cut the eye. Howard said that all scares him. Emil said that he does the surgery with people watching on the street. He said that they show that so they can see that they can't have a screw up.
Howard said that Dr. Chynn is looking for a wife but he wants something very specific. Howard said that he's looking for a very skinny woman who has a dress size 0-2 aged 27-35. He said he's looking for a white woman. Emil said that he grew up around white people. He said he thinks that he grew up knowing only his sisters as being Asian and that might be why he doesn't want to be physical with any Asian women. Howard said he's also looking for someone who is a graduate of an Ivy league school. Emil said that's not true. He said that's what the dating service put in. He said he's a type-A personality so he's looking for a type B.
Howard said that Emil is looking for an 8-10 on a scale of 10. Emil said he's actually looking for a woman who is less than a 10 because there's a lot of baggage with a 10. Howard said that she must have spent time outside the United States too. Emil said he's been to 60 countries so he wants someone who travels.
Howard said the woman must have lived in a city of more than a million people. Emil said that's part of the matchmaking process. He said he can't have a girl from a tiny town come to New York. He said she'll get hit by a bus. He said she has to like dogs too. Emil said that he has a dog so she has to like dogs.
Howard said that Emil is looking for a woman and if anyone out there finds the woman he's looking for then he'll give free cosmetic surgery for the person who finds the date. Howard said if there is a second date then the person gets $200 or free eyelash enhancer. George said this is so commercial. He said that he could meet someone at a party or something.
Howard said that Emil is saying that maybe someone knows his soul mate and they can set him up and cut out the search. Howard said if there is a third date then the person gets $300 and free Botox. It keeps going from there to $400 and some other treatments. Dr. Chynn told Howard about some of the treatments he does and how they could even help Howard.
Howard said that this is so unusual that it's getting a lot of attention. Howard said that he could end up getting paid for this. Emil said that he has donated some money to charity for people who have found dates for him. He said that's what the people wanted.
Howard asked if he's a wealthy man. Emil said he is a millionaire. Howard said he's not an ugly dude. He said he has money. Emil said he doesn't have a problem finding a date. He said he can find a date no problem but finding the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with isn't that easy. He said that he had a woman who he wanted to marry but the timing just wasn't right.
Howard asked how long ago he got laid. Emil said it was about 2 weeks ago. He said that he doesn't judge women on how they are in bed. Howard said that it's true that they can't be that bad as long as they have a vagina. Howard said he's making a lot of sense for an eye surgeon. Howard said Dr. Chynn is saying that if there is anyone out there who can find someone for him they can contact him. Howard asked how they do that. Emil said you can find out more at ParkAvenueSafeSight.com.
Howard asked Dr. Chynn about this eye jewelry that he's doing now. Dr. Chynn said that they drop a jewel in the white part of your eye. He said that it's zero risk for your vision because it's outside your eye.
Dr. Chynn said that if he ends up getting married to anyone that he's introduced to, he'll give the person his Ferrari. Howard saw the picture of his car on his web site and it had a very attractive woman in it. Dr. Chynn said that's a patient and he can't date his patients. He said that's just not a good idea.
Howard said he read that he has done work on strippers and they will pay him in Funny Money. Dr. Chynn said he has taken that in payment. He said he doesn't go to strip clubs that much so it was a waste.
Howard asked what actress Emil would say is the kind of woman he's looking for. Emil said he was at a fashion event last night and a friend works for Mark Jacobs. He said he was asked to be a changer for the models. He didn't know what that was but it's someone who pulls off all their clothes and them puts the new clothes on. He said he agreed to do it but then he was told that Mark Jacobs was afraid of the legal ramifications. Emil said that some people will try to fondle the girls so they can't let him do it. He was told he could go to the after party though. Emil said that he met Giselle Bundchen at the after party. He said when you're two feet in front of her she's flawless. Howard said she's a rare one. He said she's like an 11 and he's looking for an 8.
Howard asked who is an 8 that he can think of. Emil said that a shorter Giselle would be great. He said that most strippers meet his criteria of 0-2 dress size. He said he likes Angelina Jolie who is an 11 as well.
Emil said that he went to a club once and he asked how he could get into the club. The bouncer told him that he had to be a woman. Emil said that he has a friend who is very pretty and she ended up bringing him to that club. He said she got him in. He said he got into the club and they were making out. He said he'd recommend that to anyone if they can do it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lives on the same street as this guy. He said that he should get him into the Wack Pack. He said that he's the biggest knob you've ever met. He said he has his prune face and the same football jersey every day. Howard asked what's wrong with a football jersey. The caller said he wears the same one. Howard cut him off and took another call.
The next caller said that he is losing credibility here. He said that he's very well respected in the industry but now he's on the Howard Stern Show looking for chicks. The caller said he'd have pussy lined up down the street if he was a doctor in New York City.
Another caller asked George if he finds him attractive. George said he already got into trouble with Brad so he's not going to say. Howard said that he could play Sulu in Star Trek.
Howard asked if Emil is over 9 inches. Emil said he's not that big. He said he thinks he's about average. Howard said 6 inches is a little longer than average. Emil said that he's about average.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if George is doing the chicken dance because of his chicken feet. George got a laugh out of that.
Howard asked Emil if he's good in bed and if he'll do oral. Emil said that he will do it if she does the same for him.
Emil said he wanted to say hi to Robin. He said he's been listening to the show since 1983. He said he saw Gary and asked him if he was Boy Gary. He said that he has turned 52 now and they have stopped calling him Boy Gary. Howard said they call him Baba Booey now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy is 47 and it might be time to lower his standards. Emil said that's fine but not just because people tell you that you should. Howard asked what his parents think of this. Emil said that they give bad advice. He said they give you advice as if they're you. Emil said that his father's father had 3 wives.
Howard took a call from Ham Hands Bill who said that he did work on his eyes and he only charged him $1799. He said that he did his eyes. Emil remembered him and said that he's a really nice guy and they helped him out a lot. Emil said they charged him half price. Howard said Ham Hands Bill has never endorsed anyone on the show before. He said now he has. Howard said Bill won a song parody contest many years ago. Howard played some of that song parody for Dr. Chynn since he wasn't familiar with that. Fred played the clip of Bill doing his song parody of Robin's theme song where he played the part of Robin's dad with Ham Hands.
Emil said that he's going to donate a laser to a charity of Howard's choice. He said that they have done that before.
Howard said that if you're interested in dating Dr. Chynn then you can find out more at ParkAvenueSafeSight.com. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's one of his favorite Who songs. Howard said that CeeLo Green is a judge on The Voice. Howard said that his name isn't actually CeeLo. It's Carlo.
Howard said that CeeLo left The Voice for a whole year. Howard said that he must be very valuable to them. Howard asked why he did that and let Usher take over. CeeLo said it wasn't his idea. He said that he did discuss maybe switching out the coaches here and there when an event might come up. He said that it was NBC's idea to do that. CeeLo said he had other things that he wanted to do and he went to Las Vegas to do a residency. He said he was working the same venue out there for two years. He said he really enjoyed doing that. Howard said that his price must have gone up after being on The voice. CeeLo said it did help in negotiations.
Howard asked if CeeLo was upset that Blake Shelton and Adam Levine were asked to stay on the show and he was not. CeeLo said he didn't think that people even know who he was. He said he thinks that he made himself irreplaceable on the show. He said he did watch some of the show with Usher on it and it was a pretty great premise. Howard asked if he was afraid that he'd be better than him. CeeLo said that he knew he had big shoes to fill. He said he wasn't threatened by it. He said that he knew he'd found his own niche there. Howard said the ratings dropped a little bit when CeeLo left. CeeLo said they did but just a little bit. He said he and Usher grew up together. He said he has nothing against him at all.
Howard said he didn't know how shitty CeeLo's childhood was. He said he overcame the background and made a success out of himself. He said that he was robbing homeless people and he was abusive to animals. Howard asked what he would do. CeeLo said that's a very peculiar story. He said that they found a bird with broken wings and they weren't so kind. He said it wasn't habitual or anything.
Howard said that CeeLo's parents were both ministers. His father died when he was 2. He said when CeeLo was 16 his mother became a quadriplegic. He had to take care of her after that. CeeLo said he did. Howard said that he was put in the father/mother role. He said that must have made him furious. CeeLo said it did. He said that it was the most anger he'd ever felt. Howard asked if that's why he went out and attacked people. CeeLo said that was part of it. He said that he had some unfocused energy and drama.
Howard asked CeeLo if he realized he had to rise above the whole thing. CeeLo said he had a big brother thing going on and he had Mr. Bailey taking him to baseball games and things like that. Howard asked if that works. CeeLo said it does.
Howard said CeeLo's mother died 2 years later. CeeLo said he had his grandmother after that. He said that they took care of his mother at home. He said his grandmother was sick at the same time too.
Howard asked if music was in his life all this time. CeeLo said his aunt was a lounge singer. He said he didn't stay with his mother a lot. He said he did stay with his aunt. He said she gave him a lot of support.
Howard asked what he played first. CeeLo said he learned drums first and then piano. Howard asked if he was a genius at the piano. CeeLo said he was never a genius and he's still not. Howard said he has written his share of hit songs though.
Howard asked when he wrote his first hit song. CeeLo said he was 17. He said that year was the same year his mother died. He said his mother did hear the promotional copy of the album. He said that his sister told him that she played it for their mom and that gave her some closure. Howard said she was on her death bed at the time. CeeLo said that's right.
Howard said CeeLo would go out and mug a guy and he would rob people of their jewelry. Howard asked why he didn't go into the life of crime. CeeLo said that he was a little shy about it initially. Howard said that it does require some artistry. He said this was his focus and he because good at it. CeeLo said he got caught doing some shoplifting. He said he became fond of that. Howard asked what the biggest amount of money he stole was. CeeLo said that there were these Starter jackets that were being stolen and he never killed anyone over that. He said he would do strong arm robbery. He said he never hurt anyone. He said he would do break ins and stuff though.
Howard said CeeLo could handle himself. He asked if he ever beat anyone up to the point of being unconscious. CeeLo said he may have if they came back for more. Howard said he seems almost like a hippie now. CeeLo said music saved his life. He said he could have ended up in jail like his many other friends.
Howard said he remembers seeing kids fighting in school and they'd get stabbed. He asked CeeLo if he had to do that kind of thing. CeeLo said he did have to fight.
Howard asked if his friends got jealous when he got successful. CeeLo said everyone he was still friends with at that time were all into music. He said he went to school with Andre 3000 from Outkast. He said that they were friends and he worked with them on their first album. That was his debut.
Howard asked if he's glad that he got out of that situation and moved on. CeeLo said he is. He said he wants to do better.
Howard said it must have made him feel better to mug someone after being in the situation he was in. CeeLo said that they used to say that hurt people will hurt people.
Howard said CeeLo's first couple of albums were with a band. He said he must have figured that his life was going to be set after their first hit. CeeLo said that they got $5,000 each in the band for their first album. He said he felt rich at that time but it really wasn't that much money. He was with the Goodie Mob at the time. CeeLo said that they had all grown up together and they did a lot of traveling. He said they worked it until it became a gold album.
Howard asked CeeLo about taking the short cut by going on The Voice and trying to get a career going. CeeLo said that he's very thankful for what he's gotten to do and the way he's been able to do it.
Howard asked CeeLo about working with Gnarles Barkley after the Goodie Mob. CeeLo said that their third album with the Goodie Mob was an artistic difference. He said that he thought rap music was limiting. He said he was willing to take the leap to do something different. He said one of the members lost his leg in an accident.
Howard said that Gnarles Barkley was CeeLo and that guy Danger Mouse. He said that guy has gone on to big success too. CeeLo said that he has. Howard asked why they broke up. CeeLo said that they still get along. He said they did that Gnarles Barkley thing on their own.
Howard asked how he comes up with vocals and things like that. CeeLo said that it's just something that happens. He said things just work out sometimes.
Howard asked CeeLo about this song ''Crazy'' and if it's true that Bruno Mars worked on the song because he claims he did. CeeLo said that he actually worked on ''Fuck You'' with him. Howard said that he's jumping all over the place. Howard asked him about his song ''Crazy'' and said that a lot of people have covered it. Howard said that it must be financially fantastic for him when people cover the song. CeeLo said there is honor there too. He said that it's very sweet to have someone cover it. Howard asked if he won Grammy's for it. CeeLo said he won 2. CeeLo said that he lost to the Dixie Chicks for Album of the Year that year. He said he felt it was kind of politically incorrect that year. He said he had heard his own song more than he heard the Dixie Chicks.
Howard said that Beyonce covered his song ''Crazy'' and he wondered if she put it on her album. CeeLo said that she didn't. He said that the compliment is priceless when they just cover his song. Howard said Beyonce has a great voice. Howard asked if he ever fantasizes about having a wife like that. He said that she's a big earner. CeeLo said he thinks that he could handle that. He said she's a very powerful woman and not really his type.
Howard said he thought CeeLo was gay. He said that he was married and has a son. Howard asked what broke them up. CeeLo said that he didn't cheat. He said that she thought she was holding him back. He said that she told him she would have let him go a long time ago if she knew she was doing that.
Howard asked if the breakup broke his heart and if ''Crazy'' was about that. CeeLo said that the song was about being called crazy and he resented that. He said he's actually a very sensible guy. He said that he could see his sensibility in lyric writing.
Howard asked if he's into drugs. CeeLo said he's really not. He said he's a wild flower though. Howard asked why people thought he was crazy. CeeLo said he's got a wild side. Howard said he thought he was gay just seeing what he would wear in his videos. Howard said he loves pussy though. Howard said that he isn't gay at all. Howard asked if he's fucked any contestants. CeeLo said he hasn't but he's tried. He said he has fucked an audience member. Howard asked how he does that. Howard said he finds it hard to connect with the audience in that way.
CeeLo said that the audience stagings are smaller than they appear. He said that he caught a wink from a woman and that's who he got. Howard asked if he has fucked an Asian woman. CeeLo said he has but not for free. He said he got a massage from a woman in Japan. He said she gave him a happy ending. He said she was as gorgeous as her ad. Howard said he has gotten massages in his life and no one has ever jerked him off. CeeLo said he finds that hard to believe. Howard said he has a small penis so he's embarrassed. CeeLo said that he's got a decent sized dick himself. Howard asked if he's like 9 inches. CeeLo said that he's about 7. Howard said that 5 is about average and he's about 6 himself. Howard said he's a bad driver with a bad car.
Howard asked CeeLo about the money rolling in after ''Crazy'' came out. CeeLo said that he's not rich. He said he's just fortunate after taxes. CeeLo said because of his wife's grace he still takes care of her. He said he still loves her too. He said that the divorce gave him the ability to show the unconditional love he has for her.
Howard asked CeeLo about how he spends his money. He said he doesn't own a house yet but he rents. CeeLo said that The Voice pays for the house. He said the house isn't a home. He said he has a ranch outside of Atlanta that he's holding on to. He said he's always wanted to leave. He said he took that ranch and wanted to give it away. He said that his spirit has evolved onto something more of a philanthropist.
Howard asked if he has a girlfriend now. He said he has a significant other. He said he's lived with her about 2 years now. Howard asked how he met this woman. CeeLo said that he was just getting to L.A. and his back was to the street. He said he heard someone saying that she loved him. She said he turned around to see who she was. He said that he got her number and saved that number. He said he figured she could be ''the one.'' He said he thought she was very accomplished with her health education business.
Howard asked CeeLo about getting more than one woman in bed and how that worked. CeeLo told Howard how it might be unsettling at first. Howard said that she must put up with it just to keep CeeLo around. CeeLo said that he thinks that she's played the straight and narrow and she enjoys him giving her that liberty. Howard asked if he brings them home to her. CeeLo said that she's in health education and she wants him to do anything that makes him happy. CeeLo said that she's beautiful and anyone below her bar isn't worth it. He said that they haven't done it that much.
Howard asked if CeeLo is comfortable with his weight. CeeLo said he's said that he's not out of shape, this is just the shape he's in. He said that Tony Orlando told him not to lose weight. He said that it's his brand now. He said he has lost about 25 pounds actually. He said that he thinks that his weight is just representing that working class. Howard said he thinks he has a good look going. He said that a heavy guy has to dress a certain way. He said that he has that good look going. Howard said he has a nice sweater on today.
Howard asked if he thinks about his weight when he's with a woman for the first time. CeeLo said that he thinks that it's a turn on. He said that he gets a kick out of the whole thing.
Howard asked if CeeLo has fucked a ton of women. CeeLo said that he hasn't done that many. He said that he didn't have a lot of time to get women. He said he wasn't a big star until later on in his life. He said today girls want to take a picture of you with your dick shriveled up while you sleep.
CeeLo said that Howard was offended by something he said when someone asked what Adam Levine's scent would be if he put one out. He said it would smell Jewish but he didn't mean anything anti-Semitic by it. Robin said that people make black reference when they're around her so maybe that's what CeeLo is thinking when he's around Adam. Howard said he gets what she's saying. Howard said that everything is black, black, black around a black person and that might happen with Adam since he is Jewish.
Howard asked CeeLo about working with Bruno Mars. CeeLo said that he was a staff writer when he met him. He said he worked with him and shared his stuff with him. He said that he felt awkward and uncomfortable working with them and he had to get out of there. He said that he went to the bathroom and never went back. He said that he was kind of offended by the fact that they thought he needed a staff writer.
Howard said CeeLo is upset that Bruno takes credit for the song ''Fuck You'' and he didn't write that. CeeLo said that he did help with the song but he didn't write the whole thing. CeeLo said that Bruno takes credit for it though. He said that the whole thing was taken out of context though and he did help write the song.
Howard said that the songs that come quickly are the ones that drive the writers crazy for so long. Howard played the song and said that all of these hit songs are a conglomerate these days. Howard said you almost can't do it these days. CeeLo said that Katy Perry is like a corporation. He said she's like on the board and writes songs with people. CeeLo said he tries to write songs on his own.
Howard asked CeeLo about the new song ''Special Education'' and said that he likes this one. Howard asked if it's on the charts. CeeLo said he really doesn't know. He said they did it independently so he's not sure how it's doing. Howard played some of that song and said that the new album, Age Against the Machine, is out now. He said he has a book called ''Everybody's Brother'' coming out too.
Howard talked to CeeLo about working with Prince and what that was like. Howard said he thinks the guy is nuts. Howard said he went to a private show he was on and the guy turned out all the lights and told them not to look at him. Howard said it was like listening to a record. He said he just left the party. Howard said he loves the guy too but that made him leave.
Howard said it's bull shit when an artist pulls something like that. Howard said that he gets a lot of pussy though. Howard said he might be getting too much. CeeLo said he's not sure if that's possible. He said he hasn't reached that climax yet. Howard asked CeeLo about his tattoos and why he has so many. CeeLo said that they were signifying different things and then he went in the artistic direction. Robin asked if he thinks about getting older with the tattoos. Robin said that things change and things move around. CeeLo said that he's a rock and roller so that's okay with him. Howard said that he's all over the place with his music so it's hard to tell what he's really into.
Howard asked if he's dropped acid. CeeLo said that he has tried it. He was in an all boys military school at the time. He said that he wasn't allowed to go to public school. He said he got into a fight with the principal at the school. He said that he hit the guy because the guy hit him first. CeeLo said he was kind of a target. He said he had an attitude and he was bad for everyone around him. He said that's why he tries to push productivity these days.
Howard asked if the Goodie Mob are good guys. He said that's who he's traveling with now. Howard had them come in. Howard said they look like they could beat some ass too. Howard asked if it feels good to have the Goodie Mob back. They said it's great. They talked about the band getting back together and what it was like working with L.A. Reid.
Howard said that they have a lot of excitement going on now. He gave them some plugs for the new album and CeeLo's new book. Howard gave him a plug for The Voice too.
Howard asked if the guys in the Goodie Band are getting laid too. They said they are. They all had someone last night.
Howard asked the guys in the band about how bad CeeLo was when he was a kid. They said they all grew up together in Atlanta. CeeLo told Howard about how he smacked someone who gave him some crap. Howard said he seems like such a gentle hippie and he can't imagine him doing that. Howard asked the guys in the band if they've ever fought. They said they all get along actually.
Howard asked if they have ever had the same girl with the whole band and how they choose who goes first. The guys said that they let CeeLo go first. One of the guys was saying that they had a girl once who was turned around backwards so she couldn't see the rest of them. Howard said he'd have a hard time getting it up if he had a bunch of other guys in the room. CeeLo said it's only been a couple of times. Howard said that he might have to read CeeLo's book if he has that kind of stuff in there.
Howard gave the guys some more plugs for the album and the book. The guys said they have a Goodie Mob TV show coming up on TBS soon too. Howard said he might have to check that out too.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and tried to tell CeeLo how much she loves him but Howard cut her off and took another call.
King of All Blacks called in and said that the guys can never come back once they cross over to the white audience. One of the guys said that's just not true. He said that Michael Jackson did that his whole career. Howard said King makes statements that are just ridiculous. King said that he's smart. King started to get into it about the women that let you sleep with other women and how you can't do that either. Howard cut him off and took another call.
Anther caller asked about Christina Aguilera and how it is working with her. Howard said he heard she was a pain in the ass the first season. CeeLo said that she's the only diva and she's also one of the best vocalists they've ever had on the show. He said that she's over that whole thing. Howard said he acts like a normal person on AGT. Robin got a laugh out of that. The caller said that The Lady Killer is a must have in any music collection.
Another caller said that CeeLo couldn't be an ass kicker with his T-Rex arms. Howard told him to come down there and say that. Howard said he'll have someone beat his ass.
Howard said the fun is over and it's time to work. He gave the guys more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard said Robin was all over the news yesterday after her cancer story. Howard said Good Morning America did a whole thing about Robin today. Howard had some audio of the segment where they talked about that cancer story. They were talking about how emotional the story was and how Robin went for over a year only missing a handful of days.
Howard said when that was all going on it's remarkable that she only missed a few days. Howard said when you go through that kind of stuff it's very difficult. He said it's got to be draining on her. Robin said it was nice not to be thinking about herself. She said she got out of it. Howard said he would call Robin and talk to her and he thought she sounded really good over the ISDN line.
Howard said he didn't mention something yesterday. He said Don Buchwald was great during the whole thing. He said he wanted to mention him and two guys who helped him on the phone. He said that was Brad Grey and Bob Sillerman. He said that they were fantastic. Howard said he turned to them for some advice and help. Howard said he sent them a thank you gift but it's never enough. Howard said when there's a life and death situation going on then you realize that you need other people. Howard said he turned to Don, Brad and Bob they all came through in different ways. Howard said they thanked a bunch of people yesterday. Robin said she had to thank more. She mentioned other people who helped her through all of this.
Howard played the Good Morning America news report about Robin's cancer story. They had a lot of coverage of the story. They had clips of Robin and Howard talking about the cancer. They also talked about how Robin didn't think she'd make it.
Howard said they have to get more people sick around there to get that kind of positive press. Howard said maybe Fred can get AIDS. Fred said that's a pretty tough one. Fred said maybe a callus on his toe would be good to start with. Howard said that won't get any press though.
Howard asked Robin if she had a will. Robin said she already had one but she had to do some updating. Robin said she never really did get around to it. Robin said she didn't do it before the surgery. Robin said that she never thought that she was going to outlive the cat she gave a kidney too. She said she didn't want to force someone to take Brangelina. Howard said that Beth would have taken her. Robin said that she got Brangelina into this mess and she didn't want her to outlive her.
Howard said that was some nightmare. He said this one had a happy ending. Robin said she didn't have uterine cancer. She said some of this stuff is getting misrepresented out there. Howard said they get the gist of it though. Robin said some of the facts are kind of skewed. Robin said that she hasn't been that specific.
George said he's sure that her health before the surgery helped her out. Howard said he almost forgot George was there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard handled this all so well. He said he thinks Howard deserves a thank-you too. Robin said she was talking to Howard last night on the phone and he was getting embarrassed by that. Robin said Howard is such a wonderful person and he does things automatically. She said he shouldn't be embarrassed by that. Howard said he did what any good friend would do. He said he absolutely loves Robin. Robin said he's a wonderful human being and more people should be like him.
Howard said that it was a happy ending. He said Robin is fine and George is there to do the Chicken Dance. Howard was singing that to George and Robin.
Howard took a call from a guy who said ''Fuck cancer.'' He said he's been going through a hard time the past couple of months himself. He said the show has been a thing that makes him happy. He said yesterday he was almost crying listening to it. He said it was nice hearing about it all. Robin said that a lot of guys were writing about how they cried. The caller said Robin's courage has been remarkable. Howard said Robin has some attitude to come to work every day and go to Chemo. Howard said she didn't complain at all. He said she had every right to but she didn't. Howard said he's never met anyone like Robin.
Howard said this tumor was so huge that the doctor named it Jon Hein. Howard said the thing that pissed him off the most was that Imus could have outlived Robin. He said that there is no way that's right. Robin said she was thinking the same thing. Robin said he's had so many brushes. Howard said that he's glad this all over shadowed the fact that he made out with Howie Mandel.
The caller asked if Artie ever contacted her during all of this. robins said Artie was one of the fist people to visit her in the hospital. Howard said he went to the hospital and saw Artie there. He said they had a good chance to talk there. Howard said that he hasn't really kept in touch with him since then though.
The caller said that he listens to Artie's radio show and he hears him complimenting Howard's show. Howard said that they all love Artie.
Howard said that was some year. Howard said that Robin almost turned into Scott the Engineer. She had moments of being lethargic and lost all her hair. Robin said she knows what Scott feels like. Robin said she had to start wearing hats because her head would get cold. She said she feels his pain.
Howard said that Richard is willing to eat Robin's tumor to meet Metallica if it's still around. Robin said they guard that stuff. She said she couldn't even get a piece of it if they wanted. Howard had to go to break after that.
Robin read about the world's smallest woman who is only 2'7'' tall. She's only 19 years old and she lives in India. Robin said that she's very cute. Howard said he's going to set her up with Eric the Actor.
Robin read about Dennis Rodman coming back from North Korea wearing a vodka company t-shirt and a bedding company hat. Robin said that he's working it on all levels. Robin said that Dennis also said that Kim Jong Un asked him to train their Olympic team to train. Robin said he said okay to that. Robin said he's also going to be working on a book with Un. Robin said that John McCain's daughter was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno had she had some critical words for Dennis Rodman. Robin had the clip for Howard to play where she was flipping out over him.
Robin read a story about how 1 in 4 Asian men have admitted to raping a woman. Robin said that was found in a study that was done. Robin said that some admitted they had raped more than one woman. George said it's a very patriarchal society. He said he believes that it happens.
Robin read about Janelle Monae's new album coming out and had Howard play a track she did with Prince. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin told Howard about this 96 year old man who has a song on the Billboard pop chart. Robin said he wrote it for his late wife. Howard had the audio of the song so he played that. Howard asked who is performing the song. Robin said it's the guy. Howard said no way. He said that it can't be a 96 year old. Robin read more about the song and found out it was someone else singing it. Robin said it's in the top 100 songs. Robin said that the guy's wife died in April and he wrote the song then. Howard said it would be cool to see the guy grinding into Robin Thicke's crotch next year at the VMAs. Howard said his dad wrote a song too. He had Fred play his dad singing ''Old Man River.'' Fred played another song Ben Stern sang many years ago at his recording studio. Howard said he was probably like 40 when he did those songs. Howard was laughing as he was singing. He said he's a tremendous talent. George said that he has great strength in that voice. Howard said sometimes that power gets in the way of the tune.
Robin read about a guy who confessed to killing a guy in a car accident. Robin said the video was shown on YouTube. Robin said the man has turned himself in. She said that he talked to the Today show yesterday and she had some audio of his confession. Howard played the audio and the guy confessed that he killed a guy in June. He said he will take full responsibility for what he did. Robin said that he's denying that he did this to get a lighter sentence. Robin said he admits he was drunk in the wrong way crash. Robin said he also went on a web site to do the confession.
Robin read about a woman who killed her husband of 9 days. Robin said that the woman was 22 and the guy grabbed her arm and she claims that she pushed him in the back with both hands and he fell off a cliff. Robin said that his body was found several days later. Howard said marriage really does change things.
Howard said tomorrow is September 11th. He said that it's the big anniversary. Robin said she doesn't like thinking about that. Howard said Scott the Engineer is going to celebrate by going bowling.
Robin said that over 200,000 people have signed up to go to Mars. Robin said that the four people who go will never be able to return to Earth. Robin said that they want to make a reality show out of it. Robin said they'd be just four people stuck with each other for the rest of their lives. Howard said the good thing about going to Mars is that you'd get a lot of Twitter followers. Howard said four people sounds like too many. He said he'd rather go alone with a few good books. Howard said maybe he'd bring Beth. George said he'd go if Brad Pitt was there. Howard said even George would get sick of blowing Brad Pitt after a while. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard had George do an announce before getting back to the news. George said that Shatner's hair never floated off his head in Star Trek and that's a big surprise since there's no gravity. Howard said that's something. He said that it would be great if Brad and George went to Mars and they had to repopulate the planet. Howard said Brad does have child bearing hips. George told him to quit it. Howard said he doesn't have a problem with Brad's physique. George said he's more worried about his health than he is about his musculature.
Howard said he's going to be seeing Howie tonight. He said that he may throw up when he thinks about their kiss. He said that the President is going to be on tonight and he's going to have to wait that out. Howard said he thinks that Obama is going to say that we don't have to go into Syria and that they are going to give up their chemical weapons. Howard said it would be funny if he started wearing endorsement t-shirts and things like Dennis Rodman. Howard said that would be so cool. He said Obama never has any fun. Robin said Kim Jong Un must be so happy he has such a powerful friend.
George said that our president has to be more decisive. He said he should have acted but he started thinking too much.
Robin read about how George Zimmerman's estranged wife called 911 and said she was scared when George had his gun with him. Robin said the wife revealed that she's getting divorced just 4 days before. Robin said that George kept putting his hand on his gun and told her to step closer. Robin said an attorney is saying that the media is over reacting to this.
Howard took a call from a guy who was doing his George Takei voice. He said it's great to be on the air with him. Howard said he's going to do that voice for the rest of the show. The caller said that he's 2 years inside fighting cancer. He said that it brought tears to his eyes. He said it was very touching. Howard thanked him for the call. He also told Benjy it was good he tried to get close to her but it's good that he didn't get to her. He told him to stay away. Robin said they love Benjy but love him from afar.
Howard said Benjy wanted to bring Elisa up there to see Robin but she would tell him that it wasn't a good day. She'd brush him off and tell him to come another day. Howard said her responses were great. She came up with so many ways of telling him not to visit. Howard said Benjy has every text message. Benjy said it's all on Google Voice and he saves it all. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin said that Arsenio Hall is back on TV doing a late night show. Gary said he should be coming in sometime in mid-October. Howard said he was on Letterman and he was really good. Howard said that Letterman doesn't care that he's on against him now. Howard said it was an interesting interview. Robin had some audio from the show where Arsenio was doing his first opening monologue. Robin said that he had Jay Leno, Tara Reid and Paula Abdul do cameos on the show last night.
Robin read about Snoop Dogg and Eddie Murphy working on a song together. Howard said he'd like to know when Eddie is going to make a comedy come back. Howard had some audio of Snoop talking about the new song. Howard also had the audio of the song. Howard said they only heard about 3 seconds of that. Howard said it's just weird. He said he wishes that Eddie would just go back and do stand-up.
Robin said she wants to know more about why Arsenio threw Howard out of his studio back when he did the show.
Robin read a story about how people who watch NFL games tend to eat more fatty foods on the Monday after the games. Robin said that they did a study that found that if the team loses you eat unhealthy and the winning team's fans eat healthier.
Howard wrapped up and thanked George for sitting in today. George said he loves being there. He said he's looking to get the winter Olympics pulled out of Russia and moved to Vancouver. He said that they have laws there in Russia that just don't make sense. He said this harkens back to the days of Hitler. He said the Russian athletes should be disqualified if they don't move it out of the country. Howard said that he managed to crowbar that in at the end of the show. Howard thanked him for that. Howard did one more live commercial read and ended the show around 10:30am.
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Jon said Howard read off his iTunes playlist. He said that George is doing the Chicken Dance and Brad is upset with him about the weight discussion. Gary said George will answer you if you ask him a question.
Jon said Howard was also talking about wrapping his penis in napkins. Gary said Sal used to do that when he'd go to the booths.
Jon said that he wanted to talk about the iTunes playlist first. He said that Howard bought all of those songs and it sounds like what his youngest daughter has on her iPod. Gary said Howard was talking about his guilty pleasures and he's not sure he should be embarrassed by it. Gary said a good song is a good song. He said you should not like a song because it sucks.
Gary said he heard Howard playing a Black Crows song. Jon said he did and he had some other songs from Katy Perry, Taylor Swift and others. Steve said he threw in some cool songs too. Gary asked if he bought those songs or just downloaded a playlist. Jon said he bought those songs. Steve said it sounded like any Long Island Bat Mitzvah.
Will said he loves crappy pop music. Jon said he brought Will in to talk about Dr. Chynn. He said that the guy isn't a bad looking guy. He said he has money and he's looking for a woman in a very strange way. Will said he's very specific with what he's looking for and this is the way he's doing it. He just happens to have a list of what he wants.
Gary said he feels bad for Will. He said that he was pushing this guy to do the show and he was much more vocal in the pre-interview. Gary said he thought he was a good guest today but Will knew that he could be better. Gary said that Will was yelling at the monitor for him to fight back when the guy called in and said he was a knob.
Jon said that guy was saying this is just one of the ways he's looking for women. Will said the guy was awesome on the phone. He said he was saying ''fuck this and fuck that'' on the phone but then he came in and he wasn't so exciting. He said he was worried about what he was saying. He said he was good but he could have been great.
Gary said he won him over when he showed up in the lab coat. Gary said it was like they had called central casting and told them to send a guy over.
The guys ended up talking about JD and how he needs to find a girl too. They were talking about how the show has kind of screwed JD up. Gary said that they got JD to start drinking and they got him into sex too. He said now he's been with strippers and porn stars and that's not what real life is like.
Jon asked who has changed the most on the show. Gary said it's interesting with JD because he's changed a lot. He said at his core he's the same shy, leave me alone guy that he was when he got there.
Gary said when they were at K-Rock Jason was a very hard working, quiet kid. He said he would get the job done and do it quietly. He said that Jason told him that he started taking ''happy pills'' and he wanted him to let him know if he was acting in a way that was out of line. Gary said he kept that in the back of his mind. Then one day they were in a meeting and Jason was making declarations. He said that Tom wondered who the hell this kid was and he had to ask him to tone it down a bit. He said that was the start of Jason doing his thing.
JD came in so Jon brought up the drinking thing and how JD was so against it back when he started there. JD said he had family members who had issues. He said he was afraid that he might have it in his genes. JD said he wanted to fit in so he started to drink. Gary asked how long it took to get there. JD said it was for the E! show for the last party. He said he had a Malibu Bay Breeze. He said he got so much shit for that so he had a Jack and Coke. He said that's been it since then. JD said he barely drinks now because he doesn't go out much.
Benjy asked if he was holding out for moral reasons. JD said he's afraid to be out of control. He said that he has gotten drunk playing Beer Pong and things. He said he only puked once from drinking. He said he went to the Poconos at some house or resort and he was drinking like crazy. JD said that the electricity went out and he went to puke over a railing. He said he laid down in a hammock and Richard was there reading a book. Then he wakes up outside and he's the only one outside.
Jason came in and said that JD and Richard were the most hammered people. He said it started to pour outside and they tried to get him up but he wouldn't get up so they all went inside.
Gary asked if it's easier for JD to talk to chicks when he's drunk. JD said he doesn't know. Jason said he plays beer pong with him and he thinks he's the same guy drunk and not drunk.
Jon asked JD who he thinks has changed the most since he started there. JD said Benjy has gone through a lot. Benjy said he thinks that Will and Jason have changed a lot. He said that Will seemed so shy when he started there. He said he seems much more assertive now.
will said that when you're an intern there you don't want to be noticed. He said that you lay low. Gary said that you do see ''that guy'' when they get new interns. Benjy said that Jason has changed the most with his meds. Jason said he remembers that meeting that Gary mentioned earlier. He said that they were going to do a retarded Olympics thing and Tom didn't think they could sell it. Jason said he blurted out something like ''Well, they sell the Special Olympics every year...'' and that's when Tom's eyes went big and he had to have a talk with Gary later. They had to go to break a short time later.
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Jon asked if Ronnie has changed. Gary said he thinks that he hasn't changed all that much. He said that guy always existed in Ronnie but they didn't always get to see that. Benjy said he thinks that he came out a lot more when his mother died.
Jason said that Scott has changed. He controls his temper more now. Jon said Sal hasn't changed at all. Richard has changed a bit. Benjy said Sal has changed a lot with his attitude toward Howard. Gary said that he's pretty much the same guy though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they covered a story about Eddie Murphy going back to music and he found that funny. Gary asked what was so funny about it. The caller said that he found it hilarious when he heard he's going back to music. Gary said there are other celebrities that have tried music and failed miserably. Gary said he heard Eddie's ''Party All the Time'' on Sirius.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Scott is on meds. No one was sure. Jason said if he is then he's on the wrong stuff. The caller said he remembers the days when he would come in screaming. Gary said the repercussions would last forever when he would come in screaming.
Jason said that Gary stormed out of the office yelling at Scott to shut up and Scott shot back at him saying that he should shut up. That's his boss that he's yelling at. Jon said that happens once in a while there. Will said he begged Scott to punch him a few years ago.
The guys talked about CeeLo and how he lost to the Dixie Chicks that one year at the Grammys. Gary said that they had about 8 pages of covers of the song Crazy and he must have been pissed about losing that year.
Jon asked Jason if he realizes how much he's changed. Jason said he's been on Lexipro since 2004 so he's kind of forgotten. Gary said that the entire TV show almost threw Jason to the ground and beat the crap out of him. Jason said Gary had to deal with Artie with some things and he told him to go to the TV show meeting. He said they were discussing the next day and how they were going to do some things. He said that he was asking if it was hard to do or impossible to do and that set some people off. Gary said Robin Radzinski, Doug Goodstein and Scott DePace were all very upset that day.
Jon brought up Howard's Playlist again and asked JD about getting crap for his playlist. JD said he's not sure what to say to that. Gary asked if that's the only thing Howard is listening to now. Jon said he doesn't think so. Benjy said he was talking about how he has other things he hasn't loaded on his iPhone yet.
Jason said that everyone likes some music that they're not proud of. He said that it's not that big of a deal. Gary said that Howard had a song that he was embarrassed by years ago and they revealed them in a revelation show. He had already talked about it on the air though so it wasn't that big of a deal. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon asked if Benjy notices any of this when it's happening in the studio. Benjy said he doesn't know. Jon said George is very comfortable there and he's always honest.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Brad should just get over it. He said that he should move on and just get on a treadmill. Benjy said that George was told not to bring it up and he talked about it anyway. Gary said he gets it. He said that you want to hear the raw truth but you can't always do that kind of thing on the air. Benjy said if he really wanted the weight thing not to come up then he could have avoided it. Benjy said that George is one of his favorite people in his professional life. He said he can keep things in the closet if he wants to. Will said that it really is insensitive if you think about it.
Jon said that you don't know if it's playful or not. He said that Brad and George know what's going to happen when George is on the show.
Steve said he thinks there is a difference between Howard asking and just saying it. He said that Howard asked George the question and he will answer honestly. Gary said the only way to answer that question is not answer it.
Steve said he got a great call from a guy today who said he wanted to thank George for getting him to think differently about the way he thinks about gay people. He said the guy didn't want him to put him up under his real name on the screen though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his mom passed away a few weeks ago from colon cancer. He said that his mom didn't tell them what was going on until about 7 months prior to her death. He said she had it for about a year before that. He said what Robin did was very old fashioned. Gary said she did the right thing for her and that's what counts.
Jon said sometimes the parent doesn't want to burden the kids with something like that. He said they want to spare the grief. Gary said his brother was sick and they held off on telling their parents until the latest they could. He said they didn't want them to suffer more than they had to. Gary said they got to the point where they had to and his brother wasn't able to do it himself. He said that they probably gave their parents an extra year of a happy life. He said it was very hard sitting at dinner knowing that his brother was very sick.
Jon said he would want to know if his kid was sick. He said he wouldn't want it hidden. Benjy asked Will if everyone around him knew when he had cancer. Will said they did.
Gary said he would want to tell his kids. He said kids figure things out and it's best not to keep the secret. Jon agreed. He said he would be pissed if his kids knew something and he wasn't informed. He said he appreciates what Gary and his brothers tried to do. He said he gets what they were trying to do.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary booked Arsenio or if he asked to do the show. The caller said he was wondering because of what happened with Howard when he went on his show. Gary said he made the call actually. He said that he didn't talk to Arsenio but he did ask the network if they could have him on. Gary said they'll see people who have things going on and they'll talk about getting them on the show. The caller said that should be real interesting.
Gary said his cousin saw that show that Howard did with Arsenio and she hadn't seen much of Howard. She didn't know him from a hole in the wall and Howard was all over Arsenio that night. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:30am.
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The Day After. 9/12/01. 9-10am
To lighten the mood again Howard and Robin talked about how she got home yesterday. Robin's driver took off before she was ready to leave yesterday so she didn't have a ride home. She stuck around the station most of the day and didn't have anywhere to stay. At around two o'clock she saw sad-sack Scott the Engineer getting ready to leave. She asked him for a ride back to New Jersey so she could try and get home from there. Scott was giving Steve the Engineer (Wood Yi) a ride home also so she was stuck with both of them. Robin said Scott's car stinks like cigarettes and there were ashes all over the floor. She said ''Wood Yi'' has trouble breathing so he was coughing half the time they were driving home. The whole story was hilarious. Robin wanted to avoid going all the way back to Scott's house so she asked to be dropped off at the Paramus Mall. Scott actually left her there but Scott's wife found out and picked her up. Robin said she was ''rescued'' by Scott's wife because she still didn't have a ride home. She ended up back at Scott's house and eventually agreed to take one of their cars to drive home in. Their ''gray car'' was the one she'd gotten the ride to the mall in. She said that something was rolling around in the back of the car but she was afraid to open the trunk because she thought it might be a body or something. It turns out it was a bowling ball. Scott said he was supposed to go bowling last night but when he showed up at the alley the place was dark. He didn't know why. Howard and the crew made fun of him because it's not like CNN is going to announce that Scott's bowling league was canceled that night. Howard said that goofing on Scott made him feel much better today. Robin told Howard that even Scott's dog doesn't like him. She said the dog growled at him when he went near it.
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Nancy Sirianni Dating Game. 09/12/07. 8:05am
After the break we heard a prank call that Evil Dave made to Riley Martin. Howard came back after that and said he had a picture of the machine that Robin gets hooked up to. He described what it looks like and Robin said that's not exactly what the machine looked like that she was on. Artie took a look at it and laughed when he saw it.
Gary came in and tried to tell Howard something but they played a Baba Booey song parody over him. Gary then came in and said that he was looking at the trends on Google and found that Diana DeGarmo was the number 5 search there today. Nancy Sirianni (NancySirianni.com) came in after that and Robin said that she was number one on that search the other day.
Howard told Nancy that she looked great today and that he should have fucked her when she was still married to Jackie the Joke man. He said that she's keeping herself looking good and he's proud of her for doing that. He said that he finds it hard to believe that she can't find a man looking the way she does. Nancy said that she's not sure what the problem is.
Howard told Nancy they had three men there today and they're all interested in dating Nancy. They will interview all three of them and she will pick one to go on a date. Howard said this is exciting because Nancy was married to Jackie and Jackie used to be on the show. This is like the best way to actually ''F-Jackie'' like they used to say on the show. Robin said it's almost like marrying into the show by dating Nancy.
Howard asked Nancy when the last time was that Jackie banged her. She said it was many years ago. Howard asked her what went wrong there. She said that the drinking had something to do with it. She said that the women Jackie has dated haven't had as good bodies as she has. She said that they still talk and get together for family events.
Nancy said that she still loves Jackie and he's still a good friend of her's. Howard asked her about getting laid for the first time after being with Jackie for so long. She said that it was pretty exciting. She said she's looking to get laid again so this date might work out well for one of the guys.
Howard had the first contestant, Irish John, say a few words to Nancy. John thanked her for picking him out of the many callers they had. Howard went to Pauly next. He was contestant number two and he said he's looking forward to banging her or at least getting a blow job. Contestant 3, Mike, said a few words to her as well. He said that they'll see how things turn out.
Howard had Nancy talk to John first. John said that he's going to leave it up to Nancy about the sex on the first date thing. John said he had a relationship about 7 months ago and they usually don't want to do the whole baseball game thing. He said he wants to say and watch a whole game and then go out drinking. Nancy said that's what she likes to do.
John said that he's been told he looks kind of like Jim Breuer and said that he's actually been mistaken for him at a basketball game. Nancy didn't know who he was. She asked him what his favorite TV shows are. John mentioned a couple and she seemed to be okay with that. She then asked Pauly some questions. She asked him about the kind of car he drives and if he's big in the pants. He said he's not that big but he knows how to use his tongue.
Nancy asked Mike if he has any gay friends. Mike said he doesn't think so, but maybe. Pauly said he has gay friends. John said he does as well. He claims he has a bunch. Howard asked John to talk about who he's going to back in the Presidential election. John said that he's going to back Giuliani. Pauly said he thinks that he'd like to see Hillary Clinton in the White House. Mike said that he's going to wait and see if one of the other candidates could come out and say something that would turn him. Nancy said she'd like Gore to run.
Howard asked John about Nancy's music. John said he likes the folk stuff. Pauly said that he loves her Christmas song. Mike had no idea what the names of her songs were. He said that he wasn't that familiar with her stuff, he only heard what Howard played for her the other day when he called in.
Howard asked Nancy what her fantasy is with these guys. She said she would never say never about having sex on the first date. Howard asked John to tell the worst thing he's ever done during sex. John said that he maybe ate some asshole so that was the strangest thing. Nancy didn't seem to think it was that strange. Howard asked her about the tongue in the asshole and she said she likes it.
Dominic Barbara called in and said they should ask the guys if they think a wife should get involved in a husband's business. John said no, the other two guys said it was okay if things worked out. John then told a quick story about fucking a chick in a car while he was being driven around and ended up wiping his jizz off with his cap and gown and throwing that on the side of the road. Pauly and Mike told some stories too.
Howard asked John how many times he jerks off every day. John said that he does it about twice a day. Pauly said that it depends on the say, it could be once a day or a few times a week. Mike said that he'll do it a couple of times a week. Howard asked the guys how long they can last in bed. John said it can range from 5 minutes to much longer if he's drunk. Pauly said he can last a while. Mike said that he might last 20 or 30 seconds but could go a bunch of times a day.
Nancy asked the guys if they like Lennon or McCartney. John and Pauly both said Lennon, Mike said McCartney. Then John said that he had the whole date planned out for her and explained how he'd take her out to dinner and then to a Yankee game. He has a friend who hooked him up with great seats and he'd treat her to a great night. John said that he'd like to have a friend as well as a girlfriend so they need common interests.
Pauly had a date planned out as well and told her what he'd like to happen. He said it would be a romantic evening. Mike then said that he'd like to take a boat ride to a nice dinner or something. He can't stay out too late because he gets up early in the morning. He said he's happy if he's home by 9:30 or 10. Nancy laughed and said that would be no problem getting him home by then.
Howard asked the guys if they think the show is better with or without Jackie. John said some nice words about Jackie and about Artie without bashing either. Pauly said that he'd have to go with Artie. Mike said he likes Artie in the seat better too.
Howard asked Nancy if she had anymore questions. She heard enough and said she was pretty sure she had an answer. Pauly asked Nancy if she had any tattoos. She said that she had one above her butt which was a Chinese symbol for longevity. She did that for a man that she was seeing a couple of years ago.
Howard had Nancy give her decision on who she was going to go out with. Nancy said that she was thinking that Mike seems a little bit stiff to her. She said that he has to be home early and he would last only 5 or 6 seconds. She said he's got no gay friends and he likes Paul McCartney. She passed on him. Mike then went over and said hello to Nancy and she said that he looks a little bit like Jackie. She said that she was looking forward to meeting the other two gentlemen after meeting him.
Howard took a call from Fake Jackie who said that Nancy was a real pain in the ass. That got a laugh out of Nancy. The guys talked about how Mike was dressed and how he could have dressed up a little bit nicer. John said he thought he was dressed for Homeless Jeopardy.
Nancy said that she rally liked Pauly's deep voice and he had a lot of pluses on her list. She said that John had the Yankee tickets but Pauly seemed to answer all of the questions right so she was going with him. Howard said that John looked crushed. He said he had a gift bag for her with his number in it so she can call him when things don't work out with Pauly. John went over and said hello to her and told her to give him a call.
Howard asked Nancy what she thought of his looks. She said that he was a good looking guy. Artie said he looks like Jim Breuer if he was a Nazi with the hair cut he had. Howard had Pauly go over and say hello to Nancy after that. He said he had just banged a woman on Sunday so he wasn't hurting for a date.
Nancy stood up and then Pauly went over to meet Nancy. Howard asked her if he's her type. She said he was and it looked good for him. Robin said that he's a decent looking guy and Nancy said that she was looking forward to the date. Artie thought that there were some sparks happening there already.
Nancy asked if they were coming on the date with her. Howard said that it will be chaperoned. Gary said that he's going to arrange that and the TV guys will probably go along with them. Gary had a mouth full of food so Howard goofed on him about that. It was cupcake Wednesday so he had one of Artie's big cupcakes from Crumb Bakery.
Howard said that Nancy and Pauly were getting closer as they spoke. He said he's jealous of Pauly and he said he hopes he gets in her and bangs her hard. He wants him to tell them how it all went too. He said that Jackie broke her in good and she knows what she's doing.
Irish John said that Nancy looked more uncomfortable than the chick who was chained to High Pitch Eric. Howard said he was just jealous of Pauly. He wrapped up and went to break after that.
Various Stuff. 9/12/00. 6:05am
Stuttering John went out to a press conference for Dennis Miller and Al Michaels last night. He was the only one asking questions so he got off quite a few. He asked things like:
Corey Feldman called in this morning to complain about how his name was spelled wrong in the credits of ''Son of the Beach'' last week when he was on the show. He said they spelled his name ''Cory'' instead of ''Corey'' and it's against the SAG rules for them to do such a thing. He wants it corrected but Howard said the show doesn't have a budget for something like that. Corey also complained that his credits were split-screened with Gary Coleman on the show. That's against the rules also. Howard basically told him there was nothing he could do. Howard made sure to promote tonight's new episode of ''Son of the Beach'' which stars Vincent Pastore, Big Pussy from The Sopranos. It's the last episode of the second season but the show has been renewed for a third.
In the clip Howard was trying to blast a fart on microphone for the new listeners in Canada. He blasted one out that was wet sounding. Howard said it was a big day because it was the first international fart. Howard said that hurt his testicles. He said he may have pushed too hard. He said he just wanted Robin to know what he does for his craft.
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In the clip Howard had Fred the Elephant Boy visit to talk about a love letter. Fred was telling Howard that he has a life and he isn't going to waste his time with this girl. Howard said he was finally getting laid and he ended up screwing it up.
Howard asked when they broke up. He said he was happy for Elephant Boy because he was finally getting laid. Howard said he was sending love letters to their intern, Jillian. Howard said they have those letters. Howard said he can read them. Fred said it's up to him.
Howard asked how he fell in love with Jillian. Howard said Jillian got upset on the air and Fred came to her rescue. Howard said that she's not there today. He said this is the first day she's missed. Howard said they had this all lined up and she missed it. Howard asked if Fred has ever met her before. Fred said he hasn't. Howard said he really fell in love. Fred said he sympathizes with her.
Howard said Jillian told them a story about her date running over her with a car. Howard said that the guy hit her twice. Howard said Fred is saying that he wouldn't do that. He would get out of the car and help her. Fred said that he'd make sure she gets to her house.
Howard said he'd like to see Fred hook up with this girl. Fred said they have a common bond. Howard asked if she rejected him. Fred said that she told him to write her a letter. Howard said he has that letter there. He said he will read it. Howard said Fred writes like he speaks.
Howard said Fred uses 3 different spellings for one word. He started to read the letter and read it in his Elephant Boy voice.
Stuttering John said he had Jillian on the phone. Howard got her on and asked why she wasn't there today. She said she'll be in tomorrow. Howard said he's not having Elephant Boy there two days in a row. Jillian said that she wasn't the one who told him to write her letters. She said that the other interns told him to do that. Howard said she had never spoken to him on the phone before then. Howard said that's the last place he should be trying to pick up a woman. Jillian said that it was a very interesting letter.
Howard asked if she could read his hand writing. She said that it was hard but the sentiment was there. Howard asked if she would date him. Jillian said she's not sure. She said that she's being put on the spot. Howard asked Fred if he has anything to say to her. Fred was going to say something but Jillian said she's heard he dates very beautiful women. Fred asked if he does. He then told her that she'd be in a no pressure situation if she wants to date him.
Howard said Fred isn't a bad looking guy. He said that she should ask him to keep quiet. Howard said she can tell her friends that he's a drunk Korean. Howard said that they'll think she's dating a cool guy from Korea. Robin said they could say he's a deaf millionaire. Howard said he was Captain Korea on the channel 9 show. Howard said he played Captain Pike from Star Trek in another episode.
Howard said it's too bad Jillian isn't there. She said this is the one day that she has to go to a job interview. She said she's there for the rest of the week. Howard said they should go out on a date. Howard asked if he's going to try the popcorn trick. Fred said he's not going to do that. He knew what he was talking about. That's where you cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn cup and stick your penis in there.
Fred had a fanny pack on so Howard asked what was going on there. Howard said that's not cool at all. He said unless he has reefer in there it's not working. Howard asked him to open it up and show them what's in there. Fred took the bag off and showed Howard what he had in the thing. Howard was cracking up. Jackie said he has like 20 credit cards in there. Howard asked what all of that stuff is. Fred said he had a card from the funeral of Debbie Tay the Space Alien. Howard asked what something else was. He had a health care card and some other stuff too. Howard showed Robin a picture of him that made him look like a pinhead. Howard said he has a checkbook in there too. Howard said he has his tape player and everything in there.
Howard asked if she's going to go on a date with him. Jillian said she will. Howard let her go a short time later. Howard wished her luck with her job interview.
Jackie pointed out that Fred missed a patch when he shaved. He said he missed a huge hunk. Howard said he should get a professional shave before his date.
Howard got to Fred's top 10 list of reasons he should date Jillian. Howard said he spelled her name ''Julian'' and then he says that he can offer support and understanding during her period of humiliation. He had a bunch of other goofy items on his list. Howard read through all of that and his number 1 was that he's a nice guy.
Howard said this could be the start of something. He did badger her into a date. Howard said he's glad he came down. Howard asked if he wanted to come in tomorrow and set up the date. Howard said maybe they can get something going. Howard told him to shower tonight and make sure he puts on some deodorant. Howard said they'll see him tomorrow. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Various Stuff. 9/12/02. 6:05am
Howard took a phone call from a woman who wasn't quite with it when he picked up the phone. She seemed to be listening to the radio at the same time she was listening to the phone. Howard said she may have been up late drinking last night. She was slurring her speech and couldn't put a thought together. Howard asked her if she was a hooker. He wondered who would be drunk at ten after six in the morning. She said that she's a computer programmer which surprised Howard. He said she's got to be a ''dirty little whore'' who does tons of guys. She told Howard she met him one time but he said he'd never been to the bar she mentioned. After talking to her for a couple of minutes Howard said he wanted her to come down to the studio as soon as possible because they wanted to drink with her. Howard asked her how many guys she's been with in her life but she wouldn't answer. She asked Howard how many he's been with. Howard said he's been with about 35. She wouldn't answer. Howard continued to ask her questions about her age and stuff like that. She eventually said she was born in 1969 but Howard didn't believe it. He figures she's in her 40s. Gary wanted this woman to get down as soon as possible so Howard offered to send a car for her. She said the reason she called in was to complain about the music programming on the station. She said she wasn't going to come down today though. Howard hung up on her a few minutes later.
Sal And Richard's Letter To Howard. 09/12/11. 6:40am
Howard said he got a long letter from Richard and Sal. He said that he really has to separate them. He said they were telling him how hard they work and listed all of the bits they do. Howard said he didn't read the whole thing. He just deleted it. Robin was about to say something but something went down the wrong way and she was choking. Howard asked if she was okay. She was fine a few seconds later.
Howard said he thinks that Richard and Sal think that he's going to aim his meeting at them tomorrow. He said they're going to meet to talk about how to use their time better and they think it's aimed at them.
Howard said he doesn't want them to tell him in an email how hard they work. They can tell him that in the meeting. Howard said that they're so dopey they wasted time writing this letter instead of working on bits. Howard said he doesn't want to read letters about how hard they work.
Howard said that he wanted them to come in and read the letter to Robin. Howard asked who wants to read a letter like that. He said that no boss wants to read that. Howard said they must have written the letter while blowing each other. Howard told them to bring their letter in and read it to Robin. Gary said they were on their way.
Howard asked the guys how long it took them to write that letter. Sal said it was probably an hour. Richard said it was 20-30 minutes. Sal said they wrote it on Friday but Richard said they sent it yesterday. Howard asked Richard why he lies to him. Richard said that he didn't lie. He said that they sent it yesterday and they wrote it last week. Howard said he guarantees they put hours into the letter. He said it was the most boring horse shit that he's ever read. Howard said they don't have to tell him how hard they work.
Richard said they didn't want to keep him at the meeting so this was better. Howard said they're two idiots. Howard said he's guessing that it was Sal's idea. Sal said that it was mutual. Howard said it's not mutual. He said it's one of the two who came up with the idea.
Sal and Richard said that they did a phony phone call on Friday but Howard said they did it wrong. They recorded themselves too loud. Richard said that's the BlogTalkRadio feed and that's not their fault.
Howard asked what's wrong with them. Sal and Richard said they were upset about what Howard said last week about how they've slacked off. Howard said he's going to give them a kick in the ass tomorrow. Howard said they do a good job. Howard said that Benjy doesn't write him letters. He just takes it like a man. Benjy said ''yeah'' really quiet and Howard said he's like a beaten man back there.
Howard had the boys read the letter. Richard read the letter and they were talking about how hard they work for the show. Howard said he lost it after the first sentence and threw it away. Richard went on to say that the calls they do and how they can take a month to edit and get them done. Sal said that there are some that go that long and it takes a long time to do some of them.
Richard and Sal mentioned one bit they did that took a month. Howard said that he heard that and didn't like it. Howard said that if it takes a month and it's not going well them maybe they should bail out on it. Richard said that they have to give some of the shows time to get over their calls so they give them a few days.
Howard played this bit that they did where they called Tradio and pretended that they were getting their lines crossed. Howard said that you can make a major film in a month. He can't believe that this call took a month to make. In the call Richard calls in and starts giving the information for what he wanted to sell and then Sal's call comes through. Then the two calls were switching back and forth. Robin was laughing at the call. Howard didn't think it was all that great.
Howard played more of the call and they left in a lot of stuff that they didn't need to. Howard said that the host was flustered but not that funny. Howard said he wants to know why this took a month. He played more of the call and Richard called back again and gets back on the air and then it switches over between Richard and Sal again. The host didn't know what was going on. He said they were having some weird problems there. Howard said that this goes on for 3 minutes. It was too long for him. He let it play some more and Sal calls in and has the same problem with the line switching back and forth between him and Richard.
Robin was laughing pretty hard at that one. Howard said it was better than he thought but he wondered why it took so long. Richard said they had to figure out how to do the switching thing. Howard said that they're working on the technology.
Howard said all he said last week was that he wanted to check in with Sal and Richard because he hadn't heard from them in so long. Howard said they get upset when he passes on their calls. He said sometimes they're not up to the standards of the show. Howard said he heard Sal thought he was going to be fired. Howard said he doesn't fire anyone. He said he wasn't in the best mood last Thursday so that's why he was saying what he was saying.
Howard told Richard to read more of his letter. Richard read more of the letter and they were explaining why these calls take so long to get these calls made. Richard read about how hard they work to put out finalized product for the show. Howard got a laugh out of that line. Howard said his eyes glazed over when he started reading this. Howard said if they had taped the session where they were composing the letter would have been a better bit.
Richard read more of the letter and Fred played a Tradio host saying ''You're an idiot'' a few times. Howard said that they wasted all of this time writing this letter and he didn't even read it. Howard said that they didn't have to write this together. Richard said they're a team. Howard said that they're really not a team. They weren't hired as a team.
Richard read more of the letter and then said that they had about two pages of bits listed. He read through some of those bits and they explained how they edit Wolfie interviews and go through song parodies that are sent in and things like that.
Howard told Richard to stop reading the list. He said that they didn't have to name all of the stuff they do. He said that he didn't hire them because he thinks they're stupid and not funny. Howard said that they are funny and they do great work. He said he's never said they do shitty work. He said that they get upset if he turns down one bit. Sal said they want Howard to like all of what they do. Richard said they can edit down anything Howard thinks is too long too.
Howard said he'll play their newest call to honor them. He said Richard did another Nervous Mark call. He said that he calls into a religious show and Mark admits he has a masturbation addiction. Richard calls in and does that and the host of the show prays for Richard. Richard makes noise like he's masturbating while he's being prayed for. The hosts were trying to cast out the demons but Richard was saying he was jizzing everywhere. He said he couldn't stop pumping his penis. He asked for them to make Satan stop. They kept him on as Richard kept saying he was jerking off again. Richard said he wasn't able to keep his hand off his cock.
Howard said he told the boys that it was funny but the guy's reaction couldn't be heard. Howard said he tries to teach them something and then they write him letters. Howard said this is the stuff that takes them a month to do. Sal said this one didn't. Howard said that they need a different recording technique. Richard was louder than the radio show host's was.
Howard played more of the call and Richard was making all kinds of weird noises as he was cumming. Howard said he tries to teach the boys and they spend all of their time writing letters. Sal said that they get it. Howard said they don't need to write him letters. Howard said he'd rather that they record the sound properly. Howard said the call was a failed call.
Richard read the rest of his letter and they were explaining why these things take so long to produce. Howard said any other job would fire them. Sal said he doesn't think that any other person would write their boss a letter like that. Howard said they should just work on their bits and not write letters. He said he wants them to write a letter about how they shouldn't write letters. Howard said he gets so much email during the day and he deletes anything where people are asking him for something. Then he puts the important work email as a priority. Then he reads this letter that they wrote about how hard they work instead of reading about a new bit they produced.
Howard told Sal and Richard to get back to work. He told Benjy not to write him any letters either. Howard said that he loves those guys but whenever he tries to give them advice they go crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he likes the bits he played today. Howard said they were good and he was going to play them today. He said they could have been funnier if they had recorded them better. Howard said that they go back in there in a funk thinking he's going to fire them. He said you can't even suggest anything to them. He said they think of all of their stuff as a Picasso. Howard said that the caller is missing the point. He said that Robin gets it though.
Howard took another call and the caller said that the call they just did was hilarious. Howard said he was going to air it. He said that the click over call wasn't going to air though. That took them over a month to create.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had to turn his radio down because he damn near went off the road hearing it. Howard said that the guys are funny. He gets how hard they work. They don't need to write him letters about it. Howard said they're like crying little bitches and he can't even give them suggestions. Howard said he's not going to fire them. He said that he tries to give them advice and they freak out.
The caller told Howard he might need to use kid gloves with Richard because he is from Kansas after all. Howard said that he realizes that. Howard said when he got that letter he wondered what it was. He said that he wasn't sure if he should read it or not. He said he really has to take a break. They were running late.
In the clip Howard said he has been trying to write something about each of the staff members for his book. Howard said he wrote about Fred and Jackie and had no problem with that. He said he got to Gary and he wasn't able to come up with something. He said there's too much to write about. Howard said he's not sure what to put in there. He said he may put in the pictures of Gary that they draw. He said that they've all created pictures of Gary.
Howard said that he draws Gary in a certain way and sometimes his whole face won't fit on the page. Howard said he'll put some of those in the book with their permission of course.
Howard said he's all caught up with Gary and he's not sure where to go. He said he's writing a chapter on his radio family and that includes Jackie, Fred and Robin. Howard said he wrote about what Robin wrote in her book. He said that it's his take on Quivers A Life. Howard said he thinks that she's crazier than she made it out to be in her book.
Howard told Robin about some of the things he was writing about and realized why he's so loyal to Fred. Howard said he wanted to be honest in the book. He said there was something Fred did that made him stay loyal. He said that's just one chapter in his book. He said Robin will also like the Michael Jackson chapter in the book. Robin said she doesn't want to know that one. Howard said she's going to love it. Howard said he has another chapter on his mental illness. Jackie asked if he's cured. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about it.
Howard said Robin will have a chance to read the book if it's out by November. Howard said he's not sure how people write for a living. He said it's like being in school. Howard said he has a lot of observations about Robin in the book.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 8:55am.
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Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.