|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how the show is the most fun on earth. Fred played a bunch of clips of Tim Sabean saying ''This is the greatest show on earth'' over and over again. Howard played along and asked Tim how many times he could say that.
Howard said they have Will the Farter coming in today. He said he's gone and perfected his blowing bubbles out his ass. He said they'll see him do that today. Robin asked if he has new inventions. Howard said he has a new app for iPhones. Howard said they might be cracking down on these things so they can get rid of the garbage on there. Howard said Will's all will evaluate your farts that you fart into your iPhone. Howard said that you have to be careful not to shit into your phone though. Robin wondered if a wet fart would hurt it. Howard said it could. He said that fart juice is pretty lethal.
Howard asked Robin if she watched True Blood or the VMAs. Robin said she forgot about the VMAs. Howard said he didn't think they were so good. He had to bail out on it around 10. Robin said True Blood started out good but she's not sure about the ending.
Robin said that Lady Gaga's face could be seen last night. Howard said he was thinking about her and how she made it and worked hard about it. He said when she gets up there and gives a speech and calls her fans ''little monsters'' it bothers him. He said she's saying that they're the cool kids at the party and it's not the case. He said she's a lunatic. Robin said she thought she was going to be a cool chick but she turned out to be a little nutty.
Howard played a clip of Lady Gaga giving her speech and calling her fans her ''little monsters.'' Howard said that's when your career starts fading when you start in with that nonsense. Howard said she was an oddball in school so now everyone who likes her is an oddball. Howard said that's just great. Howard said that's not reality. He said that they're still the uncool kids and she's the one who gets to hang out with the cool kids. Howard said she's really weird. Howard said he doesn't want to be included in that ''little monsters'' category.
Howard said if he was like that with his fans Robin would hate him. He said it's so phony and there is no attachment like that to her fans. Howard said he's the one fucking Beth and everyone else is home fucking their hag. Howard said he's not going to pretend to be one of them. Howard said Gaga is lucky she can sing. He said that we make people who have talent like that into stars instead of soldiers and people who cure cancer. Howard said this country is so vapid. He said that Gaga's little monsters are celebrating out there and they're just a bunch of assholes.
Howard said he's not sure why Chelsea Handler is a big star. He said she did do one funny thing with a giant house built on her head like Lady Gaga would do. He said she could barely walk and when they opened a garage up a bird flew out. He said that was funny but she didn't have any funny lines in her opening act after that. Howard said he doesn't know how she became so popular.
Howard said he read a story about Chelsea and how she has her own language. He said that really bummed him out. He said that's just weird. Howard said she comes up with her own words for things and it's just annoying. Howard said he doesn't want to have to learn a new language. He said her language is just as dumb as Klingon.
Howard said Chelsea had a couple of jokes so he played some audio for Robin. Chelsea was saying she was as high as a kite and got some cheers from the audience. She said that was the last time she's doing a prayer circle with Snoop Dogg. Then she said something about angry black men but didn't elaborate. Howard said she can't leave people hanging.
Chelsea then said that this was the first time that the VMAs had been hosted by a woman in 16 years. She was making some jokes and Howard said he thought the jokes she was telling were kind of funny. Howard said he's sick of monologues and shows.
Gary said they called Chelsea one of the worst hosts ever in one of the papers he read. Howard said she might be a woman's comic kind of thing. He said maybe women enjoy her. Howard asked if they believe she's only 34. Gary said they describe her as looking like she lived a bit of a rough life. Gary said he was reading about what a hard life she really did have. She fucked a lot of guys and drank a lot. She's into vodka and she's only drinking on weekends instead of every night.
Howard said the guys threw the football near her just to get close to her. They were acting like they were in high school. Howard said the reporter calls herself the hottest sportscaster in Mexico. He said she really is too. Howard said the guys went nuts over her and they're used to getting laid. Howard said the chick is too hot to be near anyone. Howard said she should probably be locked in a cage.
Robin said you can't go out looking sexy as you can and then complain when you are seen. Howard said the Jets management has to talk to the team about this. The reporter was upset about their behavior. Gary said they're supposed to have a session about how to behave around women in media. Howard said that this chick is really hot and she's in the NY Daily News and they just show a picture of her ass. He said it's no wonder the guys went nuts over her. He said men are animals. He said they want their vaginas and they need it.
Howard asked Robin if she's way down in weight now that she's training for the marathon. Robin said she is down a few. She didn't tell him what it was. Howard asked if Penny Crone would get harassed by the Jets. Robin said they probably wouldn't even know if she was there.
Howard said that it's good to get a full grown cat because you know hat you're getting. Robin said that cats have to have a lot of human contact when they're born to be friendly. She said they can become hard to socialize if they're not.
Howard said Beth asked about Fostering another cat. He said he figured as long as they were going to take the cat in they were adopting it. He said that you never Foster a cat. He said that Beth was emotionally attached to this cat so he had to agree to let her come in. Howard said that if she wants to take care of cats then it's fine. Howard said cats are easy to take care of so it was fine with him.
Howard said he hates people who just take their cats to these places after adopting them. He said it's just not right. Howard said they have a lot of cats at the pound and if you're looking for one then you should go out and get one from a place like North Shore.
Howard said Beth knows how to play him sociologically and asked what kind of name they should have for this cat. Howard said he loves the cat already and Beth was afraid he wouldn't. Howard said his problem is that he worries every second about the pets. Howard said Bianca is having arthritis problems and she collapsed again. He said she's getting old now. Howard said the dog thing is a whole other thing.
Howard said he walked in from work and the cat was hiding under the couch. He came home and said ''Hey Walter, come here.'' and the cat came walking over to him. Howard said Beth was set with a name but he wanted to come up with something different. Howard said he thought about it and thought about Magnus. He said that's based on this chess player Magnus Carlson. He said that the cat is cute and he told Beth that name. Beth wanted to stick with Walter.
Howard said he had some wine that Robin gave them and it was really good. He said he got wasted on that stuff. It was called Gemstone and it was very pricey stuff. Howard said Robin must be nuts spending that kind of money on wine. Howard said very few people even get to drink this stuff. Howard said it wasn't shit wine. He thanked her for that. Robin said she wanted him to enjoy it and she knew he would. Howard said there were 12 bottles in the case. He said that Nancy Sinatra sent him some wine too. Robin said she heard that she was putting out her own wine. Howard said he's not sure if he should drink it or keep it around. Robin said she'll have to look into that. Howard said if the wine is good he'll keep it. If it's shitty, he'll give it to Fred. Fred said he can rinse some tools off with it if it's not good.
Howard said that he came up with a bunch of new names for the cat but they're going to end up sticking with Walter. Howard said he had a vote on Facebook and all of that but he ended up sticking with Walter. Howard said they have the cats and Beth is like running a zoo over there.
Howard said Beth is working with the cats to get them used to each other. Howard said he's heard stories about pets that fight for a while but then become best friends. Robin said she had to separate the cats by moving them to different houses. She said one cat broke the other's leg. Howard said that's pretty intense. Robin said the cats were both Alpha cats and they were just never going to get along. Howard said if they were pets and someone took in Benjy and him, he'd kill Benjy. Howard said Benjy is fat, sweaty and stares at him and he'd have to fight him if he was a pet in the same house.
Howard said that might be a good idea for a movie. He said that he could be an alien's pet and he brings in Benjy. Howard said he'd know him from the radio show and he wouldn't be able to stand him. He said he'd have to share a room with Benjy and he'd end up stabbing him one day. Benjy got a few laughs out of that conversation.
Howard said he'd smell Benjy and he'd know he was in the room without seeing him. He said it could be Benjy or Ronnie wearing that Mambo. Howard said Benjy would shit everywhere and the aliens would blame him instead. Howard said he'd eat all the food and Benjy wouldn't get any.
Howard said they have Walter the cat now and he's a beautiful cat and he's very sweet. Howard said the poor cat would have spent the weekend in a cage. Howard said the cat got in his lap and purred away. He said it was pretty great.
Howard said people should go to North Shore and get an adult cat. He said that no one wants adult cats but they're great. Robin said that's how she got her cats. You know that they're trained that way.
Howard said they were busy with the cats and dog all weekend. He said they had very little time for romance. He said that there was a little bit. He said they can't do it on the floor anymore. The dog will smell his ass and put her tongue up there. Howard said they don't like to lock her out of the room so they have to get under the covers and do it. There is no such thing as spontaneity anymore.
Robin said Star Jones asked her to go to dinner so she went with her. It turns out they weren't supposed to go have dinner there. That caused a commotion there and it turns out they have a day session and a night session. Robin said they were going to leave but figured they'd have a couple of drinks. She said they had some champagne and then this woman who told them they were going to have to leave came over and showed up with tickets to another section and an escort who showed them out. She said they basically told them to get their drinks and get out. She was asking them to please go.
Robin said it was kind of awkward at that point. She said she didn't know they were causing a problem. She said they could have asked them to go at any time.
Robin said the next night they were going to go to the same suite with Martina Navratilova but it didn't go over very well at all. Robin said that Martina was headed out when she got there and her manager was going to walk her in. Robin said she wasn't on any list at all so she wasn't able to get in. She was walked over to another suite and she spoke to Christie Brinkley and a few other people. Robin said she went to another suite and she was asked to get out of that one too. Robin said that a few of them got kicked out. She said it was an interesting time at the Open.
Robin said that some of her friends were saying they heard the N-word being thrown around in the suite. She said there may have been too many blacks in the room for those people. Howard said maybe they were being annoying. He said that they probably remember the days when blacks weren't even allowed into the games. Howard said that's just not right though. Howard told Robin to wear a waitress outfit next time she goes.
Howard said Yucko's wife must have taken the good phone. Yucko said he's getting the new video game Halo: Reach today but Howard didn't understand what he was saying. Yucko had to repeat himself a few times. Yucko said he was on a land line and Howard found that hard to believe. Howard said Yucko has no luck at all. He said he calls in on a land line and sounds worse than a cell phone. Howard asked if he's in the United States of America. Yucko said he was in Guatemala. Howard let Yucko go a short time later.
Howard said he likes having the two cats. He said it's a lot of fun. He said he'd never go out and get one on his own but he's enjoying it. Howard said Beth does the cleaning of the litter box so he doesn't even have to do that. Howard said he does help with the dog. He said he said he'd never get a dog where you can see the asshole but that's what happened with this dog.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Robin has been tweeting a lot this weekend. She's fighting back with the fans and she has to stop. Robin said that she was just defending herself. Howard read through some of her Tweets. He read her tweet ''I was on the air on 9/11. I learned that day that when NYC cries, it cries in silence.'' Fred said he found it to be the opposite of that. Howard said he heard that Robin has been tweeting a lot lately. Robin said it's fun to do it. She said she's found it to be a lot of fun.
Howard asked Robin how many followers she has. Robin said she has like 30,000 or so. Howard said that's kind of low. Howard said that if he had one he'd have a lot more than that. Howard said he doesn't want to Tweet though.
Robin said they have some characters on True Blood that she doesn't care about. She said they ended it in a hokey way too. Howard said he doesn't like the black chick story line on that show. He said she doesn't like Sookie's brother's story line either. Robin said she doesn't care either. Robin said they have too much about the sheriff too. Howard said he wants to see the vampire stuff and that's it.
Howard said he was out running the other day and saw Janice Dickinson out on the street. He said she was very loud and yelling at him to come over to her. He said he ran out of there as fast as he could. Howard said she wants that fame and just to be noticed. Howard said she's tough to take. Howard said he didn't want to be in the picture with her and her family. It turns out it was just some random people she was taking a picture with though.
Howard said he would have gone out to lunch with Janice but she's so loud. He said he shushed her and said it's okay not to yell. He said she doesn't have to be the center of attention every hour of the day. Howard said Sylvester Stallone used to bang that chick. Howard said that he heard that Stallone's girlfriend is almost a billionaire from her skin care line.
Howard said he didn't care about 3D movies but now they have Resident Evil out in 3D. He said that in a few years he has the feeling that we're going to hear that the glasses cause problems. Robin said they have 3D football games now. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said he knows it's going to cause problems. Howard said his eyes are important to him and he's not looking for trouble. He said he's already hearing stories about the glasses causing problems. He said he didn't see Resident Evil 3D. He said the new Jackass movie is in 3D too. He said they were showing clips of that on the VMAs last night. Howard said that they're like the Three Stooges but they don't waste any time with a story. They just beat the shit out of each other. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that they still have the Staff impression contest going on. He said it's going to be tough to judge. Howard said they have the Worst Penis Injury contest going on too. He said you can find out more at Sirius.com/Howard for more info.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about going to the John Varvatos anniversary party and she heard that he was willing to give JD a makeover. Howard said JD really needs a make over but he doesn't think the guy cares. Lisa said that John was saying that JD just needs a little help and he'd look fine. Howard said he's letting himself go and he's got titties and a spare tire around his belly right now. Howard said he loves that guy John Varvatos. Howard said his store is cool and very rock and roll.
Lisa said that Jimmy Kimmel was there at the party. She said that Jimmy had some funny things to say about John. She said that John was wearing his man scarf and his man purse at the same time. Howard said it's really a briefcase. He said it's like a purse but it has handles. Lisa said John was wearing it like a messenger bag.
Lisa said that Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull was there too. She asked him about Howard and he lives in Connecticut. Howard said he thought he lived in England. Howard said they should have him in and check in on him. Howard said he loves that guy. Fred played the guitar lick from ''Aqualung'' and Howard made up some lines to go along with it.
Lisa said that Ian Anderson didn't play at the party but Alice Cooper did. She said that a few bands played and they had some really cool people at the party. She said the girls were wearing short shorts and little booties and some lace tops. She said they all looked like models.
Howard said he heard that Sarah Silverman showed up and some reporter was bugging Jimmy about that. He said he heard that Jimmy got pissed and told the guy that it was 2 years already so it was time to give it a break. That led to Robin bringing up Jesse James and how he's dating Kat Von D right now and he's got Janine Lindemulder all upset with him about that. Howard said the guy is weird. He said he should lay low for a while before going out like that. Howard said they have to get Jesse back on the show and talk it through with the guy. He said he needs to give him his advice. He said he doesn't think he'll take it though.
Lisa said that Wilmer Valderama was at the party and he wouldn't talk to her when she asked about the controversy he caused the last time he was on the show. Robin said he's trying to lay low too. Howard said he doesn't even remember what he talked about that time. That led to them talking about how Rich Cronin had just passed away last week. They mentioned that he had a lot of great stories that he told when he was in. Howard said Kidd Chris was good friends with Rich and he turned him on to him. Howard said he was in the boy band LFO. Howard said they had a hit song years ago. Howard said Rich was a really good guy and he liked him a lot when he was on the show. Fred played LFO's one big hit song as a quick tribute to Rich.
Howard wondered why they only had one hit. He said they sounded good. He said they had that band in there that was great. Gary said that was Soul Coughing. Howard wondered what happened to them. He said that they've gotten past the point in their lives where they could do anything else. Howard said Soul Coughing was really good. Fred played their song ''Super Bon Bon'' that Howard had mentioned. Howard said he just got a note saying that the lead singer is still touring Europe. Howard said he still likes that song and quotes it. He said he just did that with his dog this weekend when he said ''Step aside and let the man go through.''
Howard said this guy is going berserk in that song. He said that Eminem has to get worked up when he raps and he has to be berserk to sing. Howard said he wears that hood and he's all angry. Howard said he was all fuckin' crazy during that show. Lisa said he's playing Yankee Stadium with Jay-Z. Howard said that's why he had to leave the awards show last night. Howard said rap seems to be getting a little played out at this point. Howard said the guy is really angry.
Howard played a clip of Eminem performing on the VMAs last night. Howard said he wonders what Paul McCartney thinks of that. He said you really have to be a black guy to sing a song like that. Howard didn't seem to think it was working with Eminem. Howard wondered why the guy is so angry. Robin said it must be his childhood. He just won't let anything go. Howard said he's never seen Eminem with a lady. Robin said he just keeps it on the down low apparently.
Howard said the guy seems to be getting more and more angry. He said that Rihanna came out all angry too. Robin said they don't crack any jokes with this song. Howard said it's a very urgent thing and he thought Eminem was going to explode.
Howard wondered if anyone listens to that Eminem channel on SIRIUS. He said he never gets down to that end of the offices there. Lisa said Howard spoke to the morning crew on that channel. Howard said that a couple of them are gone now. Lisa said that the chick is still there. Howard said she was very attractive.
Lisa said that High Pitch Eric is back to threatening people again. High Register Sean has been sending him notes about how he wants to stab him. Lisa said that Eric has accused Sean of faking his hight pitched voice. Shuli is trying to get them to work things out.
Howard had some other clips of guys doing Big Foot impressions. One guy blew him away with the impression. The guy's name was John and he did a really good one. Another guy, Areiel, did a great one too. Howard played clips of both of them.
Howard had a guy doing a Gary Dell'Abate impression and he didn't sound a lot like Gary but he had all of his popular sayings down. He had his line ''Should I bring him in now?'' and Howard liked that one. The guy had all of the Gary-isms down.
Another guy did a Riley Martin impression. Howard said this was really good too. Howard played that one and said he had all of Riley's sayings down pretty good. He had another one of a guy doing a John the Stutterer impression. That guy was really good too. Howard and Robin got some laughs out of that one. Howard wondered who they're going to choose. He said it's going to be really tough.
Howard played another clip of a guy doing an Ass Napkin Ed impression. The guy had it down pretty good too. Howard said he liked that one. He had a Crackhead Bob impersonation too. That guy was really good. Then there was a Gary the Retard impression. The guy had Gary down pretty good too.
Howard said that it's tough to pick out of those. Howard said he had a guy who does a Gilbert Gottfried impression. That one disappeared off his computer though. Howard had another one of a guy doing an Asian Pete impression. That guy was good too. Howard found the Gilbert impression and played that one. Howard said he sounds just like him and does the same material too.
Howard had a Scott the Engineer impression to play. The guy was doing it like Howard and Fred do their impressions. He had sound effects in the background. Howard said he wasn't going to win with that material. He said there were a bunch of entries though. Howard played a clip of another guy doing a Dave Lampert impression. that guy sounded a lot like Dave doing his thing with Raven Alexis. Robin didn't think that one was so great. Howard said they're going to have to pick some finalists out of that group. He said he had to get to a lot more stuff but had to take a break first.
Howard came back and said they have a lot of stuff to get to. He said in San Francisco there was a big gas explosion and during the news coverage a guy called KRON and did a Howard Stern phony phone call. Howard said it's funny to him because this name Brad Kava sounds familiar to him. Howard said the guy writes for some paper and he remembers the guy's name. Howard said he knew the name and the guy wrote how distasteful this call was. Howard read the article Kava wrote and he was saying that he hopes that people make his bad days a living nightmare. Howard said he has nothing to do with those calls. He said that people call in and the news departments let them on without doing a background check. Howard said he has nothing to do with them so why does this guy want him to have a horrible tragedy?
Howard said he likes that his name is put out there but maybe not during a tragedy. Howard said that these phony phone callers are showing that the news is bullshit and they're not checking their sources. Howard played the call that he was talking about and he's not sure why everyone gets upset when his name is thrown out there. Howard said they should throw out the N-word and say that all white people are bad for using that word. Howard said this fuck nut Brad Kava is blaming him for these calls when he doesn't have anything to do with them.
Gary looked up Brad Kava and back in 1996 he wrote an article about Howard promoting the Mike Tyson fight and promoting a rapist. Gary said he spoke to Brad on the air and they talked it out. Gary said he also wrote that Howard would never get ratings out in San Francisco and when they did, he wrote just one line about it.
Howard played the prank call and in the clip the reporters think they're speaking to someone from the gas company and asked him how they respond to the accusations that there was a gas leak before this explosion. The guy said he didn't have a comment about that but they had shut down the line and it was broken down by Howard Stern's penis and Baba Booey. The reporters said it was rude and they had to move on.
Howard said you'd think that these reporters would ask how they know that this is really the person on the phone who he's claiming to be. Howard said that the guy from the gas company isn't going to call that station in the middle of a disaster like that. Howard said you can't just take a call and assume that it's really them. Howard said they're so anxious to get someone on the phone that they'll take anyone. Howard said this Brad Kava is blaming him for something he has nothing to do with. Howard said he has to put the blame on the phone screeners at the TV station. Howard said Kava is a ''fuckin' moron.''
Howard played the clip and Wendy mentioned Howard Stern to Angie and people were saying ''Ooooo'' in the audience. Howard said people must think he's a monster or something. Howard said he's pretty sure that if they went out on the street and asked random people who they hate more, Howard Stern or Mel Gibson, they might pick Howard Stern. Howard said he wants Sal to go out and do that now.
Howard played more of the Wendy Williams clip and Wendy quickly moves on. Angie apparently didn't want to talk about Howard. Howard said that it was almost like she asked her to talk about Osama Bin Laden or something. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Howard said he makes people laugh in the mornings and have a good time. Howard said it's really weird.
Howard said you have to look up this guy JoJo on YouTube. Howard said the guy is doing everything in these clips. Howard played more of it and said he would have a nervous breakdown doing a show like that. Howard said he's playing all of the clips and the music and it's amazing. Howard said he would be afraid of screwing something up. Howard said he feels embarrassed of the production values of his own show after seeing that.
Howard said he has been doing radio for 35 years now and he can't even do anything close to what that guy does. Howard said he looks relaxed doing it too. Howard said they say that the clip is from 1987 but the guy must be dead by now. Howard said he had to be on meth to do a show like that. Howard said he couldn't possibly put something like that together himself.
Howard said he wants to try doing this but he needs guys to help him out yelling and stuff. Howard said this guy is dancing and having a blast doing it. Howard said nothing bothers him. Howard said the guy looks like your dad too. The Howard TV guys put up a picture of him but Howard told them to take it down because it was going to distract him.
Howard played more of the audio and tried to do an impression of the guy. He was kind of doing it but said he was exhausted doing it. He said his chest hurt from yelling. Howard asked if he sounded anything close to what the guy did. Robin said it was kind of close but he didn't have the enthusiasm that JoJo did.
Howard tried again while Fred threw in a bunch of audio clips. Howard was yelling over the clips and was out of breath after about 10 seconds of it. Howard said this guy really has something there. He said he's really good at what he does. Howard said he was very tight.
Howard said the guy's name was JoJo Kincaid. He said he felt like he had to go to the hospital after doing that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said they've had some great shows lately. He mentioned the Scott the Engineer pro bowlers thing. Howard said a lot of people think he's going to bomb out of that pretty quick. Scott came in and said he's really looking forward to this. He said he hopes to do well in the tournament. Howard said they'll see how he does.
Howard said he saw there was a Stand up to Cancer special on the other night. He said he didn't really see it, but JD watched. He said that he heard about the musical performances on the show and Billy Joe Armstrong from Green Day was on doing a hit song. Howard said the one time the guy had a problem doing that was on his show. Howard said he asked the guy to do a hit and he didn't want to do it. He said some people just have a problem with him and they won't do what he wants. Howard played a clip of Billy Joe doing ''Wake Me Up When September Ends'' on the special. Howard said he wonders why he didn't tell them ''fuck you'' when they asked him to do a hit song.
Howard played a clip of Stevie Wonder singing a song and it sounded like it was really off and he was struggling. Howard said that was weird. They had Neil Diamond on the show too. Howard said the guy is a joke but he did a cover of ''Yesterday.'' Howard said all of Neil Diamond's songs sound the same to him. Howard played some of that but Neil was just talking the song. Robin said she can even do that. Howard said Robert Goulet used to do that too. Howard spent a minute goofing on guys who sing like that. Howard said he could go out and sing like that if that's what people want.
Howard played more of the Neil Diamond stuff and then sang ''Yesterday'' like Neil Diamond was doing it. Howard lost his spot for a second but eventually got back into it. He didn't last too long.
Howard said that Sal was being very rude about the Russian girls who come to this country only being able to strip. Howard read some feedback about that. A Russian woman wrote in about that and she was saying that his comments on the Wrap Up Show are the reason his wife doesn't want to be with him.
Howard read some email about Scott the Engineer's bowling and how he won't be able to keep up on the tour. One person wrote in about how out of shape he is.
Howard had an email about Steve Brandano and what a douche people think he is. Howard read that and some comments about his discussion about Jerry Lewis.
Howard read an email from someone who commented on Robin and how Ebony magazine was treating her. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Will the Farter come in. Howard said last time he was on the show he wasn't able to blow the bubbles out of his ass like he wanted to. Howard said he felt bad for the guy so he's having him come back in today to try again. Howard said it's not easy to do what Will does.
Howard asked Will if he's worried about the article that came out about the apps and how Apple is cracking down on the frivolous apps out there. Will said he's okay because he's just sponsoring the app. Howard said he thinks that an app where you fart into your phone and it rates your farts is a good idea. He asked Will if his app is going to be taken down. Will said he really doesn't know.
Howard asked Will if he's getting a piece of the action from the app. He said that he does up to a point. Will demonstrated the app on his iPhone. He farted into his phone and the app gives it a rating. Will sucked some air into his ass and then let one rip. Howard was having trouble hearing the fart. Will let Howard hear the phone as he ripped one into it and it gives a countdown. Then the app gives you a score. Will said it gives you a name of the fart and it gives scores based on many factors. He got a total score of 100 out of a possible 100 with that fart.
Will ripped another one and got another score. He said you can get it at FartBattles.com or in the app store from iTunes. Howard
Howard asked Will what he's been up to lately. He said he knows that he was acting as ''Brutal Master'' last time he was on the show. Will said he had another story about that. He said he does that stuff at random so he never knows when he's going to work. He said he got a call from a guy asking to do a ''forced intoxication'' thing with him. He said the guy was going to send him the cash through the service he uses. Will said the guy was going to have him get drunk and he'd yell at him. Will said he made about $500 from that. Howard wanted to act it out with Will to hear what he does. Will said that he humiliates the guy and calls him a ''faggot'' and things like that. Will said that some gay people want to be called a fag and he's never sure when it's right or not. He said that some guys will get upset.
Will told Howard about what he did with this forced intoxication thing. Then he and Howard acted it out a little bit with Howard playing the gay guy calling Will. will called him a faggot and a few other things. Howard said that Brutal Master had just put him to sleep.
Howard and Gary asked Will if he thinks he's gay. Will said he's not even though he jerks off on camera for gay guys. Will said he hasn't worked a real job in 8 or 9 years thanks to this stuff. He said he doesn't find guys good looking though. He said he's attracted to women. Howard said Will isn't that good looking so he's not sure why guys are attracted to him. Will said he's not even sure why that is either.
Howard asked Will if he's famous in the gay community. Will said he thinks he is. He said that they have groups that he checks out and they do talk about ''Brutal Master'' like he's famous. Will said he doesn't need the business so he doesn't want to give out his screen name that he uses on Yahoo. He said he can get referrals from other masters. He is known as Brutal Master so it can't be that hard to find him.
Howard did more of his gay character and asked Will to meet with him. He was also asking if he would act like he was another master if someone mistook him for someone else like Brutal Cash Master. Will said he would fake it if he had a guy doing that. Howard played along with him doing that for a few minutes.
Howard said he heard that the economy is so bad he's having a tough time making a living. Will said that things are actually turning around. He said he's doing a comedy festival soon. Howard said he should tell Obama that the economy is turning around. Howard said he heard that he was making like $50,000 a year but now it's down to about 10. Will said it was never 50. He said that he was making like 20-30 grand. He said it's very random now and he can't say how much he makes a year. Howard said it's kind of cool that he can make an extra couple grand a month.
Will said that he's in the new Jackass movie. He said that he can't tell them exactly what he does in it but he is in the movie. He said he's in SAG. Howard said everyone is in Sag. Howard said he's even in it but he hasn't been in a movie since 1997. Will is hoping that an agent will get in contact with him. Howard said he doesn't know any agents who would want to represent Will. Howard said the agent would have to be one step away from stepping out a window.
Howard said maybe Will should do a Brutal Master movie. He said they can call it ''Eat Pray Fart.'' Howard imagined what the movie would sound like and then played a bit the guys had put together for Brutal Master Will.
Howard said that Will the Farter has quite a delivery. Howard said he should sound more angry in those clips. Howard said he should get really angry when he's yelling at the gay guys. Will said he can get very angry when he's by himself. Howard said he can't act in his movie then if he can't do it in front of people.
Howard told Will to really act it out. Will tried again but it wasn't any different. Howard jokingly told Will that it was much better.
Howard played another clip of Sal and Richard doing a Jack and Rod Show bit where they used some clips of Howard doing his thing with Brutal Master.
Howard asked Richie Wilson what his problem was. Richie said that Will was over there farting and the smell was really bad. Howard asked why he was farting if he wasn't even on the air. Will was warming up. Howard said he didn't catch a whiff over where he was at. He said he would vomit if he smelled that.
Howard told Will to get ready to do this thing he was going to do. Will was in his underwear and ready to blast out some bubbles from his ass. Will was going to blow fart bubbles through a big horn thing he had. Will said he has tried it and it works now. It didn't work last time he tried it on the show.
Howard had Will do his thing. Will sucked air into his ass and then blew out some bubbles from his ass. It didn't work the first time. Will tried again and it almost made a bubble. He tried a third time after sucking in and blasting out. He finally got two bubbles to come out of the cone thing he had. Howard said that was fantastic. Will kept blowing the bubbles. Howard said ''Wait till you see this...'' Will blasted out a bunch without putting the tube up to his ass. Then he'd try blasting them out of the cone and a couple of bubbles would come out.
Howard said Will had a total of about two bubbles come out. He said it wasn't that fantastic but you can check him out at WillTheFarter.com. He said you can also find him on Xtube.com. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he got a Metallica coffee table book that's really cool. He said it's signed by all of the guys in the band. Howard said he got a copy of Drew Friedman's coffee table book too. He said he wrote a blurb for him and Jimmy Kimmel wrote the foreword for him.
Howard said Drew Friedman is good but he hates when he draws him. He said that the guy drew some stuff for his book that he loved. He said he's still not sure how the guy draws the way he does. Howard said he just got a Superman coffee table book too. He said he was thankful for that. Howard said he should have put out a coffee table book himself. He said he doesn't do that kind of stuff anymore though.
Howard took a call from Eric the Midget. He said he should have skipped that and gone right to news. Eric wasn't there so Howard told him to just call back tomorrow.
Gary told Howard he had Sal's interviews about who's worse, Howard or Mel Gibson. Howard said he didn't expect that until tomorrow. Gary said Sal interviewed a wide variety of people out there. Howard played the clips and most of the people were saying ''Howard Stern.'' There were many who said they love Mel Gibson. There were people saying Howard is an idiot and they hate him more than Mel. There were some who said they don't like Mel Gibson.
Sal edited together all of the people just saying ''Howard Stern'' over and over again. Howard laughed when he heard so many people saying his name. The people were saying that Howard Stern has a potty mouth.
Howard said he counted 21 Howard Stern's and 11 Mel Gibson's. He said that's unbelievable. Howard said that they're in a small world with their fans there and they don't know what it's really like out there. Howard said New York is really the best place to ask the question because he's kind of beloved there.
Sal told Howard that they should have video taped this because the reactions he got were amazing. He said their eyes would pop out of their heads when he'd bring up Howard's name. Howard said he respects the results he got. Sal said he would pick Howard too.
Howard played the clip of Bubba talking about this book he's writing and how Howard probably doesn't even know about it. Bubba said he's not going to ask Howard to write the foreword. He said he knows it pisses him off and Greg Fitzsimmons is going through that now. Bubba said he thinks Howard knows him better than Greg though. Then Bubba said he would love for Howard to write it but he won't ask him to do it because he doesn't want to bug him. He said if Howard wants to do it then that would be great. Bubba said he's not going to ask. Howard said that's the same thing as asking. Bubba's guys told him that he was basically asking. Bubba said Howard could take it as an insult if he didn't ask.
In the clip Brent told Bubba that he can't ask Howard. Howard wondered why Brent is the only one who knows him well enough to do that. Bubba's guys told him that Howard didn't even write Gary's foreword and he's been working with Howard for 25 years. Bubba said that Gary is part of the show and not a host of a show. He thinks that he and Howard have more in common than Gary and Howard do.
Howard said he is out of the foreword writing business. He said he will not be doing that again. Robin also said that she didn't ask Howard to write her foreword but she thinks that Howard would have done it if she had.
Howard said he opened the can of worms when Jackie asked him to do it for his book. Then it was Ratso and then it was Artie who asked him. Howard said he wants out and he doesn't want to write anymore. He said he loves Bubba but he won't write anymore. He said if he did that then he'd have to write one for Gary.
Steve said they also have some news about Scott the Engineer's bowling tournament. He said he's going to have coaches and people from Brunswick helping him out with equipment. Howard said Scott is going to lose. He said he heard from Richie Wilson that he beat Scott when they went out bowling one night. Howard said JD is the worst bowler ever. He heard about the ball getting stuck on his fingers which led to it going up into the ceiling and then crashing down on the alley.
JD came in and said that Scott is okay. He said he got over 200 the night they were out. Howard said that you have to bowl in the 220s to be in the pros.
Steve said they have more about Ralph Howard and his lung transplant. He should be back to work soon if all goes okay.
Howard asked Steve if they have found out whose lung Ralph got. Steve said that is the question. He said they have not gone hard on that story. Howard said he would love to know whose lung he got. Howard said it would be cool if he became that person. Steve said they're interested in Ralph's recovery so they're not pushing hard.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the stuff he was going to try and cover today.
Another caller said there was a story in the paper about a kid who was circumcised in the hospital after his parents said they didn't want it. The guy said that they kid was already in intensive care before that. Howard said he's not sure what he would do if he had a son. He said he thinks it's wrong to do it. He said it has to be wrong to cut off skin from your penis. Howard said he knows that some parts of your body aren't needed like the appendix but it might be wrong to just go in and take it out for no reason. Howard said some countries remove women's clitorises. Howard said that's just not right. Howard and the caller talked about the circumcision story for a few minutes. The caller said he restored his foreskin non-surgically. Howard said that never works because it's just holding weights on your foreskin and dragging it out. Howard said that's not the same thing.
Howard talked about how cute he was as a kid and how, when he hit puberty, his nose grew and he became hideous. Howard wondered how he got out of his mother with all of that hair in the way. He said that he had trouble getting out and almost suffocated. Howard said they shave women down in the hospital but he's not sure why. Robin said it's about cleanliness. Howard said maybe it's important to go through the hair like it cleans your face or something. He said you don't know what it does.
Howard played a new prank call Sal and Richard made to a black guy's internet show. He said that Sal and Richard are doing their voices and he can hardly tell the difference between them and the host. In the call Sal and Richard did their impressions of the host and they sounded a lot like him. The host asked why they think he's black. The host eventually hung up on them calling them ''fags.''
Robin started off with a story about a guy who may have killed himself after running over his friend on his bicycle. Robin said the bicyclist was out celebrating his birthday and the guy hit him in his car and then shot himself. Howard said he doesn't know anyone who rides their bike in Manhattan because you have to be insane. Howard said he knows a woman who went through a windshield twice. Howard said he read about a woman who was run over by a truck after a guy opened her door in front of her. Howard said she was there visiting the city when she was killed. Howard said it's treacherous out there.
Robin read a story about a baby that was found in the bathroom on an airplane. The baby was found wrapped in toilet paper in the bathroom. They're looking for the biological mother before giving it up for adoption. Howard wondered why they would do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he hates anyone so bad he wouldn't have them on the show. Howard said he wouldn't have Kevin Metheney on the show because no one would care. Stuttering John wouldn't be on the show either. Howard said he might have him on just to yell at him. He said there wouldn't be much resolution though. Howard said they have had some people who haven't been good on the air. Robin said she wishes they weren't so nice to OJ Simpson. Howard said they didn't even book him for the show. He just showed up because he was a member of the board for Infinity Broadcasting at the time. Howard said he would have Mel Gibson on the show. He'd have him on right now. He said that would be the best thing for that guy to come on the show. He said he could sit and listen to their bullshit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard's therapist is screwing things up for him at home. The caller said that his wife heard about dropping loads being disrespectful to women and now his wife doesn't like it. He said that's just not right. Howard let him go after that.
Robin read about a burned Quran that was found outside of a mosque in Michigan. She said the Quran was burned and had feces on it. Robin said they're looking to have this called a hate crime. Howard said that this whole thing is starting because of the mosque being built down near Ground Zero. Howard said that they had the 9/11 anniversary on Saturday and it upsets him now more than it did back then. Howard said some fuck nut blew us out of the water back then. Howard said that it's a good thing he's not president because he'd make Hiroshima look like a party. Howard said they'd flatten that whole country and they'd be done with it.
Howard said that there are religious nuts out there who want everyone in this country to change their ways and follow their religion. Robin said she had a nutty cab driver who said that she's an infidel and she's going to burn in hell. Robin said this was years before 9/11. She said that she asked the guy to just drive and not talk. Robin said he was singing and praying in the car. He said it was his job to tell her that she was going to die. Robin said she had a guy ask her if she had given her soul to the lord Jesus Christ. Robin said she just wanted to make some phone calls in the back of this cab. She said that he was rambling on and on about this whole thing about saving a hooker's life and how he was going to win the lottery so he could give up that job. Robin said there are lunatics in every branch of religion. Robin and Howard spent a few more minutes on that subject talking about what was in the news and about their own feelings. Howard said this is all to hide how horribly the people in those countries live. He said that they're being tortured in those countries and the women have to dress up in birkas and cover up.
Robin read about the 9/11 tribute that was held this weekend. She had some audio of some people like Mayor Bloomberg, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and others to play. Howard said this still stings that these people did what they did. Howard said he can't believe that Osama bin Laden still lives and breathes. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Howard said he just doesn't get it with all of the resources we have in this country. He said this one guy went over there to chop off the guy's head and they brought him back here. Howard said the guy needs dialysis and almost died going over there.
Robin had some more audio of people talking about the people they lost in 9/11. One woman was talking about how big of a fan of Star Wars her son was. Howard had to do a live commercial right after that.
Robin got back to her news and had some news about flight 93 that went down in Pennsylvania. Robin said that they had a tribute to them out there. Robin said a bunch of people spoke at that event. Robin had some of the audio of people like Michelle Obama talking about that day.
Robin read about a Mexican drug cartel leader that was caught down there. Robin said the guy didn't put up a fight when he was caught.
Howard said that's another country we have to watch out for. He said they're running wild down there. Howard said that we're going to have to step in eventually. He said it's another nightmare that we're going to have to take care of. Howard said we should just take over the country and be the imperialists that we're being accused of being.
Robin read about some flooding going on in Pakistan. Robin said the flooding is getting very bad and over 20 million people are being affected by it already.
Robin read about Todd Rundgren teaching some course at a college. Howard said he can't believe that they'd have him doing something like that.
Robin read about Lou Reed stopping Susan Boyle from performing a song. Howard said her songs all sound the same to him. He said he can't believe that people are buying her albums. He played some of her music and said it all sounds the same. He wondered why Lou Reed would be against that. Robin said it's a licensing problem. She's allowed to sing the song in the UK but not in the U.S. Howard said he understands that then. Howard said that the woman seems to be very fragile so they should just let her sing the song.
Robin read about it being the final season of the Oprah Winfrey show starting this week. Howard said her ratings have been going down so it's enough already. Robin said she's having a show that's going to be a bit of a surprise to people. She's having Paul Simon on the show. Howard said he loves Paul Simon.
Robin read about Mila Jovovich's movie ''Resident Evil 3D'' being number one at the box office this weekend. Robin had some audio of Mila talking about the movie. Howard said that the first three movies had very low budgets apparently because the special effects weren't all that great.
Robin said that Resident Evil was the big winner but the rest of the box office take wasn't all that great. Robin read through the top few movies and how they didn't do all that well.
Robin had a story about a new Christmas album that's coming out with hard rockers like Alice Cooper doing songs. Howard played some of that but quickly gave up on it. Robin said the album is coming out later this month.
Robin read about Michael Richards and how he's being slapped with a lawsuit. Robin said that a photographer is claiming he was attacked in August. He claims he was punched and kicked by Richards. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.
Gary said another part of the interview he liked was when Will said that the economy was picking up and he was getting more work as Brutal Master. He said that he doesn't get that aspect of entertainment though.
Jon had Teddy play a clip where Will was talking to Howard about how he doesn't think he's gay even though he pleasures himself in front of gay guys on cam.
Jon said that Will disagrees with Gary about being gay if you jerk off in front of a guy on cam. Gary said that people have weird boundaries. He said Scott the Engineer was saying that it wouldn't be gay if he took it in the ass when they wanted him to do that.
Jon asked why Will calls his customers idiots and other names when he's humiliating them. He also talked about using the word ''fag'' when he was talking about them. Gary said that he was trying to figure out when it's okay to use the N-word and there really isn't one.
Jon asked Benjy if he was surprised by the outcome. Benjy said that he wasn't. He said that the perception of Howard is that he's foul mouthed and the perception of Mel is that he just blew up at his girlfriend. Gary said Jason brought up a good point about Mel's tapes. He said they're the only people playing the clips uncensored so a lot of people may not have heard just how nasty he was being. He said they may have thought he was just having a bad day.
Sal came in so Jon talked to him about the interviews and the looks on people's faces when he asked. Sal said he has gone to porn sites and there's one guy who will take out his cock and show women and the looks on their faces are like they were today when he brought up Howard's name.
Gary said he's surprised at the reaction Howard got. Jon asked Sal how he thought that was going to turn out. Sal said he thought it was going to be even worse on Howard's end. He said he was out at Rockefeller Center and got kicked out a couple of times. He said there are people from the mid-west there and he wasn't surprised by their reactions. He said that he's kind of guilty of the same things that they are. He said he thought Oprah was just fat and liked to push her spiritual bullshit down people's throats. He said he was wrong about that but he wasn't far off.
Sal said that if you listen to Howard then you know that he's not as bad as people make him out to be. He said that's like it is with Oprah. He said that he has found some of her show to be interesting. He said that his wife watches the show so he catches it once in a while. Oprah had Kendra Jade on the show once and that was interesting. He said that was pretty ballsy for Oprah to have her on.
Gary said he heard that Kendra Jade may have joined a church and she's been speaking in tongues. He said they'll have to check into that some more.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has been listening to the show since he was a kid and he and his father listened together. He said that when they say they're fans of the show they get stares from people. He said that it's mind boggling that they got the reactions they did today.
The guys talked about how Mel has had a couple of incidents over the years so you'd think that people's perception would be changed. Gary said that he's had a lot of weird stuff going on around him. Sal said he thought that the black women were going to say it was Mel Gibson after his latest rants. He said they were picking Howard.
The caller said he's had problems with teachers who think that he's wrong for listening to Howard Stern. He said that they just say they want to move on to something else if you bring it up in class. Gary told the caller he appreciates him being out there trying to support them.
Sal said that if people don't like the show then just don't be involved in their lives. He said that they can just go fuck themselves if they don't like it.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the conversation they had about people's gross jobs and how they are jobs. He was saying that people hate their jobs all the time and prostitutes have to go out and do things they don't like to do. He said that they're working too even if you don't think they are. The caller said he's a black listener and he doesn't know a lot of other black listeners. He said that he gets offended when they comment about black people using disability and stuff when they deserve it. He said he's disabled himself so he has to do that. Gary said he's not talking about everyone on SSI. He's talking about the bulk of the Wack Pack who are on SSI. He said that they can work but they just don't want to. He said people like Jeff the Drunk are like that. He can work but he doesn't want to. He's not making any effort to go out and work. He said he would hire him if he put some effort into it.
Benjy and the caller were talking about SSI and Disability. The caller said he gets $1,400 a month for his disability. He said it all depends on how much you contributed and what your problem is. The caller said he had heart problems so that's why he's on disability. He said he gained a lot of weight really fast and he ended up weighing 604 pounds. He said he's down to 310 now. Gary said that's like the guy in the Seinfeld joke where you wonder what to say to someone who weighed 600 pounds who loses 200. The caller said there was a time when he had a tough time being about to walk around more than 5 feet at a time. The caller said that he appreciates the show and thanked them for what they do.
Jon said that they were hearing from some people who think that Richard has gotten too thin lately. Sal has lost a few pounds too. Gary asked if they have AIDS. Sal said they don't yet, but they're working on it.
The guys talked about how odd Richard looks now that he's lost so much weight. They say his head looks too big for his body. Gary said they used to say that about Brittany Murphy too.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that the guys there are losing a lot of weight and she's wondering if that's because they're around people who have been losing weight lately. She was saying that she's not fat and she's from the mid-West too. Sal said he wasn't saying that they were stupid. He said he thinks they're smart. He said Richard is smart too. Gary and Jon pointed out that Sal was saying that they were all stupid. Sal said they were all misconstruing his words.
The caller said that she got her radio for her husband but she's been listening more than him. She said that people don't hear the show and she thinks that the interaction between the guys and Howard is great. She said she doesn't like the bits so much but the interaction are great.
Gary said that one of the best interviews for TV was the Warren Beatty interview. He said it was horrible on radio but the TV version was great. He said Beatty looked like he was being punched in the face every time Howard asked a question.
The caller said she watched the 9/11 coverage on Howard TV and it was really interesting. She said it reminded them of how they felt that day. They let her go a short time later.
Another caller said that this whole thing about Howard being low life scum is just wrong. He said that he was talking to his in-laws one day and he told them that they ripped it off of Howard Stern's show but he took it back because he didn't want to get into it with them. He said that he can't even talk about Howard without people thinking he's low life scum.
Gary asked Sal if he's been in a room with someone who hates Howard. Sal said he has been through that. Gary said he got stuck on a plane years ago and the woman hated Howard Stern. She was friendly with Bob Guccione who owned Omni Magazine so he had a good side. He said that he wasn't able to get away from her for 5 hours on that flight.
Benjy asked Gary who he ranks lower, Woody Allen or Mel Gibson. Gary said that's tough. He said that Woody was with a girl who was raised as his daughter and he's not sure how you forgive something like that. Benjy said he doesn't think that she's very attractive. Gary said that's not the question. Benjy said he thinks Woody is funny but he'd probably put him up there where Mel is.
Sal said that's tough. He said it was really fucked up what he did with his adopted daughter. He said that he could have gotten off in other ways. He said he'd have to pick Woody over Mel as being the bigger scum bag. Gary said Sal sounds like Phil Spector talking about the million other ways Woody could have gotten off. Jon said he'd have to pick Woody as the bigger scum bag too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Richard Christy didn't participate in the Russian girl dating thing. Gary said they just picked a few guys but they may do another one. He said they could only get so many guys into it. The caller also asked about when they do the replays if they could incorporate the video on Howard TV. Gary said they have tried that but they'd need another team to work on that. He said it's a huge undertaking to do all of that.
Benjy asked Gary what he tells people he does for a living. Gary said he tells people he works in radio. He said that he will put it out there that he works for Howard if he feels that they're going to have a bad reaction to them.
Benjy asked JD what he tells people he does. JD said he tells people he watches TV for The Howard Stern Show. He gets it right out there. Jon does too. He said he works at SIRIUS for the Howard Stern channels.
Gary said that Bubba is going to have a great book because he has some great stories about how he was fired from various stations. He said they're all very entertaining.
Jon asked JD what he thought about that. JD said that Bubba shouldn't have even brought it up. Sal said he wouldn't even tell Howard he's writing a book. He said Howard would rip him a new asshole. Sal said that he wouldn't ask him to write a foreword. He said that Bubba is the one who deserves the foreword but Greg Fitzsimmons is the one who fucked it up for both of them. Gary said he kind of agrees with that. He said that whole thing may have screwed it up for a bunch of them.
Sal said that he wouldn't want to have Howard write a foreword. He said that it's too self serving in his opinion. Gary asked Sal if his plugs are self serving. Sal said that the book thing is more of an ego thing than his plugs aren't like that.
Benjy said that Bubba is talking about writing a book so he's not sure if it's wrong to talk about having Howard write the foreword. Gary said he thinks Bubba really brought it up because he wanted him to write the foreword. Benjy asked if they think that Howard will write it. Benjy said he thinks that he will. Jon said no way. Gary said he thinks that Bubba has more of a right to ask than others. Jon said that Howard has made a point to say he's not doing anymore. He has to stick to his guns sometime. Benjy said he thinks that Howard will write like 3-4 lines.
Jon asked Sal if Gary should get a foreword from Howard. Sal said that he's in a whole different category and Howard should be writing a whole chapter for Gary. Gary said he thinks that his book went to printing already and he can't put one in at this point. Jon said he thinks that it would get in if Howard wrote one now. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he was trying to decipher the whole thing with Robin today and what was going on with her getting kicked out. Gary said he thinks that you're supposed to know when to leave but it appears they just got kicked out. He said the thing that was disconcerting was that the N-word may have been thrown around. He said that there are more black people in tennis now than ever so he's not sure why that would be. Sal said that they may not be that dark skinned though. Gary didn't want to get into that.
Jon and Gary were talking about some of the stuff that Robin mentioned and how she got into the event with Martina's manager. they weren't sure what was really going on there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard has a cat and he wants to know what Sal thinks about that. He said that it's just a matter of time before Beth does the same thing with a kid. Gary said he's not sure that's what this is going to turn into. Gary said he had the kid talk with Beth during the summer and she's really not interested in it.
Benjy said that maybe Beth could change at some point. He said that if she does then what will Howard do. Gary said that's a difficult question. He said Howard has talked about how he doesn't want kids but he loves Beth so much that he'd do anything for her. The question is tougher now than it was 5 years ago. He said that he may not want to do it but he's not sure Howard could say no to her at this point. Jon said that the one thing he's really liking with the cat is how happy it's making Beth. Jon said that he thinks if Beth said she wanted one then he'd have a tough time saying no because it would make her happy. Gary said he doesn't think there's a plot going on with Beth trying to get him to agree to a kid.
Sal said if Beth does get pregnant and has a kid, who gives a shit? He said it's great if he has another kid. Sal said it's his wife and he's creating a family if he has a kid. Sal said that it's Howard's business and things change over the years. He said that's like how his wife used to blow him 5 years ago and now she doesn't. Sal said it doesn't matter. Sal said his wife does look at him from time to time now but not as much as she used to.
The caller said he had a nice bonding moment with his daughter when they were listening to the Baba Booey anniversary show. He said that it was a great show and he loved all of the Baba Booey song parodies. Sal said Jim McClure really put that show together. Sal said he did an awesome job.
The caller said that he likes that Gary has stuck it through all these years with Howard. Gary said he just started his 27th year working for Howard. He said that he figured that maybe Howard would celebrate it after the 25th but it didn't happen. He said that when he started out at K-Rock they had one week of vacation and then they got 2 weeks after 5 years and so on. He said it was a lot of years before he got 4 weeks but he managed to stick it out for 20 over there.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Rush Limbaugh and said that people form their opinions after knowing very little about the person. He said that Howard went off on Mel Gibson about his ''Passion of the Christ'' movie without even seeing it. He said that there's a bit of hypocrisy there. Gary said that Rush is another story and you don't have to hear too much of what he does to know what he's talking about every day.
The caller said that Howard seems to be a little hypocritical. He said that's what he's noticed over the years. He said that surprises him. The caller said that people won't listen if they're against the politics that much. He said he listens to Rush himself but he doesn't disagree with his politics. He said it took a few weeks for him to realize what he's like. Gary said he doesn't think that Rush changed his politics though.
Benjy asked the caller who he would chose to trust over the other, rush or Howard. The caller said he'd trust them equally. Gary brought up the Rush Limbaugh oxycontin addiction and how he covered it up. The caller said he didn't plan to get addicted. Gary said that he covered it up though. The caller said he has no problem with Howard. They let him go after that.
Another caller said that the previous caller must be from the mid-west because he sounds stupid. He went on to say that Howard didn't seem to want to get into it with Robin this morning. He said that there was a vibe that he didn't want to go there with her and then backed off. Gary said he doesn't think he held back any. He said he has poked at her a bit in the past. Sal said it's just a different dynamic with women. He said that's just the way it is.
Jon asked Sal to explain that. Sal said he thinks that you have to talk to women a certain way. He said you can't just tell a woman to suck your cock because they'll call Human Resources. He said you have to handle them delicately.
Sal said that some women are just whacked out of their skulls. Sal said he hurt his foot over the weekend and he didn't get much love from her over that. He said she just told him not to get any water on the couch from the ice pack he had on his foot.
Another caller said that the fans don't want Howard to have kids because they don't want to lose respect for the guy who has been saying that he's not going to have any. Sal said that people do change and you can't say that you're never going to do something. Gary said Howard did that with the marriage thing. He said for years that he would never get married again. He said he's evolving and not being a hypocrite. The caller said that Howard has been very staunch about this marriage and children thing. He said that if he goes back on it then he's going to look like a dick head. The caller said he doesn't have an opinion on every topic. Jon said that's just the way Howard felt at the time. He's evolving in his life and he could change his mind.
The caller said that he knows that Howard has never said he might change his mind. Gary said he bets that if he went back and listened he might find some comments where he said he could change his mind.
The caller said that Howard changing his mind means that he doesn't mean what he says. He said he must care about what the fans think. He said that he must think about going back on that stuff when he does. He said that it should cross his mind too. The caller said he's not married and he's been living with a woman for 22 years. Sal said that it's different when you're married. He said you can still get out alive if you're not married.
Benjy asked the caller why he hasn't gotten married. The caller said that he's successful and there's no reason to fix something that's not broken. Gary asked if he thinks that he'd have to go to court if his woman left him. The caller said that he doesn't think about it and he's not worrying about things like that. Gary asked why he wouldn't look into it. The caller said he would just split everything and that's the ethical thing to do. Benjy asked if his girlfriend has asked him to marry her. He said of course she has. He said that they've had a great relationship over the years though. He said there's not reason to do that.
Sal said the guy is being ridiculous. He said he can't just tell his wife that he's not going to do something because she could leave him. He said that the caller is a coward by not marrying his girl. He said it shows that he's completely committed to the woman if he does marry her. The caller said there is no reason to do that, it's just a piece of paper. The guy said that they're all covered if he drops off the map tomorrow. Sal said that he hopes Howard has 3 kids tomorrow.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what's going on with the callers today. Gary said it's the callers and Sal. The caller said that it's just weird. The caller asked what's going on with Howard and Mel and why Howard doesn't get any credit. He said that the guys in Philly get Howard and he thinks that Howard is changing people into accepting homosexual marriage and things like that. Mel Gibson is anti-Semitic and he doesn't get why he'd be above Howard. Jon said that's just what the people thought. Sal said he thinks that the people should listen to the show and then come up with an opinion.
Another caller said that he calls bullshit on Lisa G talking to Ian Anderson at the John Varvatos party. He said that Ian Anderson has been bald for 15 years and he doesn't live in Connecticut. He said that Lisa must have been duped. He said there's no way it happened. Jon said maybe she confused him with someone else like John Anderson. Gary said that he's right about Ian being bald. Benjy said they could figure out if he was there in New York. The caller said the guy is as bald as a bowling ball so Lisa must have made up the comment about Ian and Howard having ''curls'' in common.
Gary said that Jim McClure was showing him the press release and it was Ian Hunter who was at the party. Gary said that Ian Anderson is doing about as well as Scott the Engineer as far as hair goes.
Ralph called in and corrected them about Kendra Jade begin on Oprah Winfrey. He said it was actually Jenna Jameson. He was also talking about the Mel and Howard thing and how Howard has made a career out of being outrageous so he can see why people would be confused. They spent a minute talking about that. He thinks that people knew how and Mel was and they don't have to hear Howard to have an opinion. He said they have blurbs on the news and things like that.
Ralph was also saying that the woman had an agenda with Mel and that could have been part of the reason for their opinions. Gary said that Mel wasn't kidding in his phone calls though. Howard was kidding about his whole thing.
Jon asked Ralph about Robin overstaying her welcome at the Open. Ralph said that Robin is always confused and doesn't have her ticket and she's never really clear about what she's doing. He said she's always confused. Sal asked if she still has her assistant. Ralph wasn't sure. He was asking which assistant they were talking about. She changes them so much. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he's trying to dance during the show like that top 40 guy he played yesterday. He said he had a busy day yesterday watching TV. He said he calls that ''work'' so if he ever says he was busy working, that's what he was doing. He said he saw Lady Gaga's meat outfit on the MTV awards. He said it was really meat and it must have smelled bad while she was wearing it. Howard said she was also changing outfits every few minutes and he likes that. He said every woman should do that. Howard said Lady Gaga seems like a real kook but a very talented kook. Howard said you almost have to be a kook to be a singer.
Howard said he was watching the MTV Video awards and he saw Kanye West and thought he was the best performer. He said he was dancing around by himself and working all kinds of stuff up there. He said you have to be a real narcissist to do something like that. Howard said even what he does you have to be a narcissist. Howard said he's not sure what Kanye was singing about but he liked how he dedicated the song to douchebags, scumbags, assholes and all of that.
Howard said MTV has a policy not to curse on the air so they can keep their advertisers. Howard said those companies are the same ones that wouldn't let him say douchebag or scumbag but now they're fine with Kanye saying it on MTV. Howard said he was banned from saying those words. He said WNBC banned him from saying it for a while. He said they even let him say ''asshole.'' Howard said he wasn't allowed to do that. He said everyone else in radio was allowed to use the word but he wasn't.
Howard said Chelsea Handler was pretty good as the host. He said the big house on her head was funny. He said she seemed kind of nervous. Howard said he's never seen her TV show but Beth has and she likes her. Robin said she's seen her show and she will stick with it if she's flipping around the channels.
Howard said Chelsea doesn't look like the kind of girl who fucks a lot of guys so he doesn't believe that. Howard said she fucked Ted Harbert and that guy is the squarest kind of guy out there. He said she's just fuckin' the boss and not every guy. Howard said she claims she was a drinker too but who gives a shit? He said everyone drinks. Robin said it's kind of avant garde because most TV people won't say that kind of thing. Howard said she'd be interesting if she drank on the air. Howard said he has nothing against her though. He said she was fine.
Howard said Justin Bieber's pants hanging down were disturbing. He said that Taylor Swift is cute but she's a bore. Howard said he had to fast forward through Bieber's song. He said he tries to listen to that kind of music but he couldn't stick with it.
Howard said he liked the Kanye West performance though. He played some audio of Kanye's performance. Howard said he liked the asshole and douchebag references in that song. He said they had other guys like Drake and B.O.B. that he wasn't able to sit through. He said he liked Linkin Park though. Howard said he likes the lead singer in that band. He's not sure what his name is but he liked what he heard. Howard played some of that song, ''The Catalyst,'' too. Howard said the song was giving him a headache today but when he saw it, it was good. He said it seemed good when he was watching it. Robin said maybe you need the visual.
Howard said he liked the Eminem song too. He said he liked that Florence and the Machine. He said he was ready to throw her out the window but he liked the song. Howard said Taylor Swift was boring. Howard said she was bare foot up there and that's always disturbing to him because the stage is so dirty. Howard said she should have had on a pair of hot shoes on. He played some audio of her song too. He said he felt bad for her a year ago but not anymore.
Howard said Neil Young probably hears this shit and wonders what young people are doing. Robin said that Chris Robinson said something about Taylor Swift and what the fuss is about that.
Howard talked about Chris Robinson talking about Taylor Swift again. He said that he's getting to be an old guy but he hears these old David Bowie albums and he did some great stuff. He said they wrote great songs back then. Howard said he knows he sounds like his parents saying that heir music is better than the new stuff but it's true.
Robin said there were periods of time when there were a lot of people making great music and now there isn't anything like that. Howard said they used to be able to send out talent scouts to find good musicians and now they don't have that. Howard said they called them A&R guys. Howard said he's not sure what went wrong there. He said it must be the internet. Robin said that people were buying albums for one song they liked. Now they buy an MP3.
Howard said he got a book about David Bowie. He said it's in his clothing closet now. Howard said he sees it every day though. Howard said Bowie belongs up there with Beethoven and Bach.
Howard said Cher is 67 years old and she was on the VMA awards. Howard said she doesn't look bad for an old broad. He said she should really avoid doing that stuff though. He said she's getting too old and she should cover up some more. Howard said maybe Ron (Zimmerman) told her to do it. Howard said that would be cool if Ron got to pick out her clothes. Howard said he could be like a svengali for her and tell her everything to wear.
Howard said he'd like to know what Ron is up to over at Cher's. He said he's probably the one taking orders. He said he heard that he's really in love with her though. He said he's heard stories about what Cher does at that house. He said Joan Rivers has been there. Howard said he'd really like to hear from Ron about what's going on there.
Howard said he has to ask Ron if he lives there at Cher's house or if he just visits. Robin said she thinks he has a key. Howard said he can't imagine he does. He said he'd have to play it cool but in his head he's probably playing celebration music. Howard said it's still Cher's house though. Robin said Ron doesn't have full privileges.
Howard said he's guessing that Cher is the one who has final approval about who comes over to her house. Howard said Ron can't just have anyone over there. Howard said Ron has to marry her. Robin said she's not sure Cher is marrying anyone. Howard said he thinks Ron can make the move. Robin said she may be a little gun shy. Howard said Ron will turn it around for her and fuck her real hard. He said he's not sure about that but he is a real man so he'll get the job done. Howard said he'll give her a real shagging.
Howard said it must be pretty cool living there at Cher's house. He said she's social so she must like having people over. Howard said Lady Gaga looked like she was going to freak out when she saw Cher.
Howard said Travolta and Oprah were talking about the final season of the show and the audience were crying and screaming. Howard said people just kiss her ass and they're so in awe of her. Howard said it's like a deity walked out on stage. Howard said she doesn't have to do anything on the show either. He said the women just scream and they don't mind being on camera acting like retards.
Howard said Oprah announced she was taking the audience to Australia. Howard said Travolta was flying them down there. Howard said Travolta loves being a Quantas airline pilot. Howard said he comes out in that outfit of his and pretends to be an airline pilot. Howard said he can't imagine getting on a flight like that with Travolta flying it. Howard said Oprah announced she was taking the audience with her and they went nuts.
Howard said it's about time for Oprah to get out of Dodge. He said her ratings are going down so it's time to get out.
Howard played some clips from Oprah's show where she's telling the audience about their trip to Australia and the audience goes nuts. Oprah was saying that she wanted to top all of the other stuff they've done on the show and then she makes the big announcement. Howard said there were women weeping in the audience. Howard said they must have really shitty lives.
Howard said the audience was full of superfans so maybe they should do something like that on his final show there at SIRIUS and have only superfans there so he can make some bullshit kind of announcement.
Howard said that Oprah was saying ''Australia'' over and over again and he wanted to kick his TV. He said he didn't do that because he spent too much money on it.
Howard played the audio of the audience going nuts for Oprah as she was teasing them with a possible trip to New York City or some place like that. Howard said all of the women were over 50 and they all had really bad hair cuts and he can imagine that the guys they're married to are having a miserable life. Howard said all of the estrogen must go out of their bodies and they start to turn into men.
Howard played more of the clip where Oprah was teasing the audience. She eventually tells them that she's taking along her fans to Australia. They were screaming at every sentence she said to them. Howard said they're like the mob in Resident Evil.
Howard said he thought Oprah was going to take everyone to Africa. Then she said Australia. Howard said they all go crazy for that but it doesn't sound that great to him. He played more of the audio of her going nuts yelling ''We're going to Australia!'' over and over again. Howard said they rolled an airplane out on stage and John Travolta got out in his pilot's outfit. Howard said he wanted to jump out a window hearing this.
Howard played more clips of Oprah talking to John Travolta about this trip. Howard said he couldn't take all of the screaming that was going on. Oprah was telling Travolta how much she loves him and how her heart still goes pitter patter after all these years. Howard said Travolta just stood there saying nothing.
Howard said Travolta said nothing the whole time. He said they talked for like 3 seconds. Howard played some of that and Travolta was just standing there as Oprah told him he was voted their favorite guest. Howard said he doesn't know how that audience isn't exhausted. Howard said he was jealous and said he wants this kind of adoration. Robin said he could get that from Bobo if he had him in there. Howard said he'll have Bobo and Mariann in there and that will get him that kind of adoration.
Howard said Paul Simon came out and sang a song for Oprah too. He said that was the only redeeming part of that show. Howard said Paul looked frightened though. He said he's an older man and he's ready to kick the bucket. Howard said he does love the guy though. He said that is a talent.
Howard played the audio of Oprah introducing a mystery guest which turned out to be Don Johnson. She had no idea that he was there. Howard said Oprah wanted Don Johnson on her early shows but he turned them down. Howard said Don looks like he's put on some weight. He said he was out promoting ''Machete.'' He said that was the big surprise there. Howard said that Paul Simon came out and Oprah went nuts again. Paul said he wrote a song for Oprah's 10th season so he wanted to sing that again for her. Oprah started crying.
JD said the whole show was about how they got the audience there. JD sent a BBM to Howard telling him to tune in quick yesterday so he could see the madness on that show. Howard said he has JD to watch all of that shit so he doesn't have to.
Howard said he got pissed that Paul was performing the Oprah song instead of one of his hits. The audience was silent during the performance. Howard said that this song was about her 25th anniversary. He said everything was bothering him about this show. Howard said Beth had to calm him down. He said she was telling him about how Travolta just lost his son so he had to calm down. Howard said he went nuts over the Paul Simon song and she had to calm him down about that too.
Howard said Beth likes Oprah and everyone else. He said she's a very positive person. He said he still doesn't know why she likes him. He said she sees the good in him somehow. Robin said that she does see the good in everyone.
Howard asked if she's going to watch that new Boardwalk show on HBO. Robin said she is. Howard said he read that HBO is losing subscribers. Robin said she read that DirecTV isn't helping them out promoting them so they're blaming them.
Robin said that final episode was kind of lame. She said that they had a lot of hokey stuff going on during that episode. Howard said he thought it was hokey too but he's still into the show. He said he doesn't even like the click of their teeth dropping down. He said they click too and that's lame.
Here's what i wrote yesterday during Wrap Up: Another caller said that the fans don't want Howard to have kids because they don't want to lose respect for the guy who has been saying that he's not going to have any. Sal said that people do change and you can't say that you're never going to do something. Gary said Howard did that with the marriage thing. He said for years that he would never get married again. He said he's evolving and not being a hypocrite. The caller said that Howard has been very staunch about this marriage and children thing. He said that if he goes back on it then he's going to look like a dick head. The caller said he doesn't have an opinion on every topic. Jon said that's just the way Howard felt at the time. He's evolving in his life and he could change his mind.
The caller said that he knows that Howard has never said he might change his mind. Gary said he bets that if he went back and listened he might find some comments where he said he could change his mind.
The caller said that Howard changing his mind means that he doesn't mean what he says. He said he must care about what the fans think. He said that he must think about going back on that stuff when he does. He said that it should cross his mind too. The caller said he's not married and he's been living with a woman for 22 years. Sal said that it's different when you're married. He said you can still get out alive if you're not married.
Howard said that he doesn't think he's hypocritical. He said that he changes in his life and he learns stuff and changes his mind. He said that he hopes that the kid thing doesn't happen though. Robin said she head Howard saying something that made her think that the kid isn't too far off. Howard asked what it was. Robin didn't want to tell him exactly what she heard.
Howard said he hates these E-cards that people send out. He said he got one from this guy, Steve North, and he keeps getting reminders in his email if he doesn't open it. Howard said he gets one every year from Steve and it's always the same thing. He said it's not that much fun. Howard wondered if Steve gets notes telling him that he hasn't opened the card. He said he opened it and watched it for like one second before turning it off. Howard said it's a whole long Opus and he doesn't care about it.
Howard said that someone had to have given Steve his email address but he's not sure how that happened. Howard wondered why Steve North is sending him a Jewish holiday card. Gary said he's not sure that he even did it. Howard also wondered why Steve has a last name of ''North'' if he's Jewish. Howard said he must have changed his name.
That led to Fred playing some Gilbert Gottfried doing his Rabbi Gottfried impression and singing songs. Howard said he wants to make an E-card out of that. Howard said he hates when Jews change their names to things like ''North.'' Robin said maybe his parents changed it. Howard said maybe they did.
Howard said he gets cards at Christmas from Jews who send out Christian cards. He said he hates that too. Howard said all of this religious stuff turns him off. Robin said he went to Temple. Howard said he did but that made him realize that it must annoy the crap out of God to be doing all of that. Howard said he's not sure what's worse, catholic or Jewish services. He said that it can't be meaningful.
Howard ended up talking about John Lennon marrying Yoko Ono. Howard said he thought he was going to marry some hot chick and that's who he ended up with.
Howard said his underwear is making his crotch itchy today. He said he usually wears boxers but he wore briefs today. He said he hates them. Howard said his balls and penis are all constricted and it's all sweaty in there. Howard said his penis should settle down when Hattie walks in there in a few minutes. Fred played some old lady porn clips as they were talking about that.
Howard wondered if old ladies can still self lubricate down there. Robin said some can. Howard sounded grossed out by that. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's a beautiful song and one of the best anti-war songs ever. Howard sang along to the song for a few seconds. He said music was better back then. Howard said these songs inspired people. He said the VMAs didn't inspire him at all.
Howard wondered if the people in Oprah's audience even knew that they were really going to Australia. He said that she whipped them into a frenzy. Howard said she could have said they were going to Auschwitz and they would have had the same reaction. He played the Oprah clip again where the audience went nuts. This time they changed ''Australia'' to ''Auschwitz.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said his head was going to explode from yesterday with Robin and her tennis crap. He said his old man works as an usher at the U.S. Open. He said that his father told him that Robin was just sitting there popping wine and laughing like she owned the place. The guy said that she wasn't invited to be there at night. Robin said she was going to leave. The caller said she wasn't going to leave. He said they wanted her out so bad over there. The guy said his father had nothing to do with that but he did hear about it.
The caller said Robin just wanted her name out there. He said she was bragging about that and about the party she went to. Little Mikey had a song parody about her getting kicked out so Howard played that quickly.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. He told her about her screw up with Ian Anderson and Ian Hunter. Howard said there's a cool old video of Ian Hunter doing a song with David Bowie that's on the web. He said it's really good.
Lisa asked Howard if he would ever do a John Varvatos commercial. Howard said he wouldn't do that. Lisa said she thinks Howard has the right look. Howard said he got his hair cut but Toni cut it too short. He said he's showing too much face.
Lisa said they have a story about JoJo Kincaid who Howard talked about yesterday. Howard said he thought the guy was close to having a heart attack during that clip he played. She said that JoJo is 58 and he's worked at 20 radio stations over the years. Howard said that's a real radio guy who does that. Lisa said she didn't ask if he was married. Howard said he'd like to know if he had a wife because it's tough to be in that business and keep a wife. Howard said every guy he knows in radio has a shitty career and has to move around. Howard said there is no rhyme or reason to it.
Lisa said that JoJo picked his name from the phone book. Howard said he really worked hard in that clip he played yesterday. He said the guy was dancing and singing while playing records. That was way back in 1981 too. He replayed some of that clip from YouTube.
Howard said that this business is just awful. He talked about how shitty it really is and how DJs end up getting fired and have the worst jobs. He said they get treated like crap too.
Howard said that Gary told a great story about vacation back at K-Rock. He said that they'd get another week of vacation every 5 years. Gary worked his way up to 4 weeks of vacation because they were there so long. Howard said that it was such a scam because no radio guy lasts that long at a radio station.
Howard played more of JoJo Kincaid's stuff and talked about how tiring it was just hearing it. Howard said he'd want that guy on his top 40 station if he owned one. Howard said the guy has so much excitement.
Howard played more of the clip and Lisa talked about what she spoke to him about. She said that he had a pirate radio station when he was 16 but he got ratted out by a friend and the FCC shut him down.
Howard tried doing his impression of JoJo by talking up one of the songs he did in that clip. Lisa said that he does love to talk and she had to interrupt him a few times to get through the interview.
Lisa said they also have a story about Sal being asked to write jokes for the upcoming Friar's Club roast of Quentin Tarantino. Lisa said that he's already handed in some jokes and he's getting great feedback about it. Howard asked if he's getting paid. Lisa said that he is not getting paid. Howard said that's no honor. He said he should be getting paid. He said he must be the only asshole paying him. He asked why Sal would write jokes for free if he's paying him. Howard told Sal to write him some jokes. Sal said they offered to pay him but he turned it down. Robin asked what kind of move that is. Sal said that this show is his priority. Howard asked if there is a charity involved or anything. Robin said there is so Howard was fine with it. Howard told Sal to go write him some jokes since he's on the payroll.
Lisa said she asked JD how much he weighs now. He's up to 200 pounds. Lisa said that he thinks his metabolism just stopped but some people think it could be because he's off of his medication.
Hattie had a copy of her book and some other stuff. Howard asked Hattie if she would give hand jobs when she'd massage people. She said she would not. Howard asked her about being married and if he left her for being too chatty. Hattie said she is a little chatty. Howard said that she's got this book, Sex and the Single Senior: A Cougar's Search for Love, and she talks about going out trying to find men. Howard asked if anyone has ever thrown up while having sex with her. She said they haven't but that would be interesting.
Howard asked if she has to use lube. She said that she does sometimes but she still gets wet down there. She said she had to use lube even when she was 20 though. Hattie said she has kids and grand kids and they're proud of her. She said they like Howard too.
Hattie told Howard he's really cute. Howard asked if she really spits on people when she ''heals'' them. She said that when she does really serious healing she can do things like that. She said she doesn't do hands on healing anymore though. She said that she counsels people instead. Hattie said she knows this stuff sounds like bullshit but it's not.
Howard asked if she can grow hair on a bald man. Hattie said she can't. She said she has a chemist who makes stuff for her though. She said she has a cleavage cream. Howard cut her off and asked to see her titties. Hattie let them out and Howard laughed. He said they do look youthful. He said they look real and nice. Robin said that she has preserved her tits. Howard said they're big and must be a D at least. She said they are at least a D. She said she likes to be naked all together too and not just topless. Howard said he's not sure he could handle that completely naked. Gary asked if that was really Robin's healer. Howard said he could have Robin put away for that.
Ass Napkin Ed called in and said he's into older women. Howard said he didn't know he was into that. Howard asked Hattie where she goes to find young guys. She said the whole Cougar thing has made it easier. She said that everything has changed. She said that guys are asking how they can please her. Howard asked where she meets them. She said she doesn't go to bars. Hattie said she had a guy find her on Match.com the last time she had one. She said that he was looking for an older woman and looking for her. Howard said this is a fetish but Hattie said that's not true. She said that he saw her photograph and he was looking for her specifically.
Howard said thattie is a good looking woman. He asked her about this guy who called her and if she felt safe meeting him. She said she has met many men and they have all been safe. Howard asked what they did on their date. She said they went right to her bed.
Howard asked Hattie about sex with this guy and what that was like. She said that they did everything but the guy didn't enter her the first time. Howard asked if he tittie fucked her. Hattie said he did. Howard said that's amazing to him. Hattie said that she's a healer and she has a special energy that the guy can pull from her.
Howard asked if she gave him oral sex. She said she did not. Howard asked her about blowing guys with a rubber on. She said that it's not her favorite thing to do. Hattie said that sex is more than just the genitals. She said that it's spiritual and more.
Hattie said she's going to volunteer to hold premature babies in her arms when she gets back from California. She said that's part of making love too. Howard asked if she's ever had a woman. She said she did have one when she was younger. Howard said she's very open.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Blue Iris audio clips trying to get Hattie turned on. Hattie wasn't interested but they played a bunch of Blue's clips where she's talking about fingering herself and things like that.
Hattie told Howard that her grandmother used to heal the legs of horses in Russia. She said that she was Jewish and that actually saved her from being killed. Hattie said that she was able to reconnect to her roots as a healer and as soon as that happened it all stopped. Howard asked how long she massaged Robin. She said it was about a year. Howard said Robin came back in there and told him earlier that she used to be her massage therapist. Hattie said she wasn't even going to say anything about that.
Howard had JD on the phone. It was Sal and/or Richard playing JD clips for her. They had JD asking her to cum for him and asking if she was wet and things like that. Hattie wasn't participating in that though. She said she's not going to do that on the air.
Howard took a real call from a guy who asked if she has to work harder with younger guys. Hattie said that it's just the opposite. She said that the guys work harder for her. She said that's the magic of this whole Cougar thing. Fred threw in some cougar growling sounds whenever she'd bring that up.
Howard said he had his mom on the phone. It was Sal and Richard again playing clips of Howard doing his mother impression. They had him asking her to part the hairs and to give it to her and things like that. They had her asking Howard to plug her hole and give her his horse cock. Howard said this is why he's damaged.
Howard said he had never heard his mom talk that graphically. Hattie said that it doesn't matter if you get hard from your mother. Sexuality is sexuality. Howard said he'll have to act on that tonight then. He told his mom that he's on his way home.
Howard said thattie has a blog at her site HolisticallyHattie.com. He said she's doing that cruise soon too. He asked how her ass looks. Hattie said it's excellent actually. Howard wanted to see it. She didn't want to do that but she did turn around and show it. Howard said it's not horrible. Howard said her's is much better than his. Hattie said she also does rejuvenation tours where she takes people to the Dead Sea. She said it's all healing and she's trying to make health hot. Howard wrapped up with her and let her go after that.
Howard came back and asked what song that was and said he'd heard enough. He said it was just too much for him.
Howard said Jay Leno took another shot at him last night. Howard said he's pointed out what a scumbag he is. Howard said even David Letterman is on The View talking about what a scumbag Jay is about the whole Conan O'Brien thing.
Robin said that it took Dave seeing Jay again to get him talking about him. He did the Super Bowl commercial with him this year and then he started bashing him. Howard said he misses Dave. He said he and Dave used to talk on the phone and that stopped when he talked about the stuff they used to discuss. He said he regrets doing that with Dave. He said he really likes the guy and he's sorry he ruined that.
Howard said he told Beth about another thing he regrets and Beth told him to pick up the phone and call the person about it. Howard said he can't do it. He said he might try but it's very hard to do. He said the thing with Dave is water under the bridge. Robin said he could call Dave and say he missed it. Howard said he can't do that. He doesn't know that he's a different person and he's not to be trusted. He said he could end up screwing it up again.
Howard said he's always a Letterman guy and he'll always back him up. He said he stuck with Dave during the ratings battle even when Dave was losing. He said the thing of it is that if Dave does something weird, he wants to be able to talk about it on the air. He doesn't want it in the back of his mind that he's friends with the guy. He said he'd like to be able to do stuff and not offend them. This wall he has up is almost better for him.
Robin said that he's not willing to deal with the complications of life. Howard said she's right. He said he just wants to be home with Beth and the animals and that's fine for him. He said he knows Robin is different and she's with Hattie. Robin said she was also with the Witch's Coven at the time.
Howard said he does like David Letterman. He said it's too bad he can't tell him that. He said they're both kind of awkward though.
Howard said Sylvester Stallone tweeted something nice about him. He said he loved the scene in ''The Expendables'' where one of the guys in the team has his girlfriend punched out by a guy. The guy drives over to find the guy who punched her out and he beat up the guy and the rest of the guys who were there. Then the girlfriend finds out what he does for a living. Howard said that was the best. He said that it's great when girls find out that their men have super powers. He said that's his favorite thing. Howard said he loves that.
Howard said that Sylvester wrote that Howard stern is a genius and that he's glad they were born in the same era. Howard said that means a lot to him... if that was actually Stallone. Howard said he's not even sure if it is him but whoever wrote it, he appreciates it.
Howard played the clip of Jay trying to give it to him last night. Jay introduced Jim Norton saying that he was on the most popular show in the history of satellite radio. Howard jokingly said he was reeling when he heard that. Howard said that's just ridiculous. Robin said he obviously doesn't mind lying to his audience.
Howard said that Jay should just come right out and say how he really feels. He said he takes this roundabout route to do it. Howard said Jay took his guy from him and didn't even give him a courtesy phone call. Howard said Jay is the scumbag, not him.
Howard said this sounds like a Saturday Night Live sketch. He played more of the clip and Davison is giving his views on what must change and he's yelling at everyone in the room. The guy was running for Stark County Treasurer. Howard said he heard the guy didn't get he nomination. He said he watched the whole thing and he heard the guy saying that he was a speech major in college. Howard asked JD if he was right about that. JD said he did say that. He said he majored in speech communications.
Howard said he was watching that at home and wondering what happened to that guy. Robin said at least he didn't get the nomination. Robin said they have people on the ballot that they have to worry about.
The caller asked Howard if he had time for a game. Howard said he might have a game to play. He said he had a Miss Howard Stern Intelligence Quiz. They had 711 bucks to give away thanks to 7-Eleven.
Howard got to the game and explained the rules to the guy. They asked Andrea, Miss Howard Stern, a few general knowledge questions and the caller had to guess if Miss Howard Stern would get them right. The first question was ''What is venison?'' The caller said he knows it's deer. He guessed that Andrea would know the answer. Andrea's answer was ''Medicine.''
The next question was ''Where is the Nile river?'' The caller, Dan, said it's in Egypt. He guessed that Andrea would not know the answer. Andrea said ''In the Nile.''
The next question was ''What is the official currency of Puerto Rico?'' Dan knew it was U.S. currency. He said she will not know the answer. Andrea said ''Regular cash... the same cash we use.''
The fourth question was ''Where is your sphincter?'' Dan said that she will not know it. Andrea's answer was ''In a man's penis.''
The fifth question was ''What do the stars on the flag represent?'' Dan said he thinks that she will know it. Robin said you'd think she would. Andrea's answer was ''All the states.'' Dan ended up winning $711 when he got that one right. Howard put him on hold so he could collect his money. Howard said he hopes he put him on hold. Gary said they got him.
Bong Hit Eric called in and said he loved the voice he was doing during that bit. He also said he thinks that Amy Winehouse's birthday is today and wondered what happened to her. Howard said she's back in the studio working. He said she has an incredible voice. He said he thought she was a black woman when he heard her the first time.
Eric did a quick bong hit for her birthday. He said he has a new pipe that he's been using and it's incredible. Howard said that Tommy Chong went to jail for a year for selling pipes. He said that's so wrong. Eric said that was wrong. Howard thanked Eric for the call but Eric asked if there are any Artie updates. Howard said that Artie has offered to come in and do an interview so they're going to do that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that they don't need a stinking Australia trip. She started to sing to Howard so he hung up on her.
Howard said he saw an article in the paper about Kevin Federline losing 25 pounds. Howard said no one gives a crap about that. Howard said that was according to his representative. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back from break and said everyone loves Bruce. Robin told him that he should really make that call to David Letterman. She said he's going to regret it if he doesn't.
Howard said he had another politician tape to play. He said he had a bunch of other clips to play too. He then realized that he had played this other politician tape. Howard said he had a clip that was kind of funny that he had been sitting on for a long time. Howard said this was from the Great Hills Baptist church. He said his name just randomly pops up in the song they were singing. Howard played the clip and this woman is singing about network TV and how they had gotten freedom of the press from them, not Howard Stern or a bunch of other people. Howard said it was a song about the troops and our freedom. Howard said that it was the soldiers of course. Howard asked if Vinnie Favale wrote this song.
Howard said he was honored to have been mentioned in the song. He said he could probably write 25 songs in an hour using that music they used in that song. He said they don't bother to rhyme or anything. Robin said they just read the facts. Howard said Robin should do that for the news and sing the stories. He gave that a try himself and sang about Lady Gaga wearing beef to the VMAs. Robin started to sing some too. Howard said Robin is on to something. She was singing some of that church song for him. Howard said Robin could sing the news.
Howard had another clip of a really drunk woman on a show called ''Over the Limit'' which is some cop show. Howard said she was flirting with the cop in the clip. Howard played that one and the cops describe the woman as being outside urinating and then drive up to her and ask her if she knows where she is. She can't even speak because she's so drunk. The cop tells her to formulate some English words. Then she starts telling the cop he's so fine and says she loves them. The cop asks her for her date of birth and her phone number. She gave him the same numbers for both. The cop said she was probably one of the drunkest people that he'd ever seen. He said he wanted to find out just how drunk she was and she claimed she wasn't drunk. The cop later said she blew a .221.
Howard said he was reading that the guy ''The Situation'' on the Jersey Shore is making $5 million a year. He said they seemed to be the popular thing on the VMAs too. He said the kids there seemed to love them.
Howard said that the chick was very chatty too. He had some audio of her on Good Morning America. He played some of that and she wouldn't shut up. Howard said that this whole thing blew up out of nowhere. He said her voice is awful for a broadcaster too. Howard asked the caller if she looked good on GMA. The caller said she did. Howard played more of her talking and going on and on about what went on over at the Jets stadium.
Howard said this chick is like a sex symbol down in Mexico because she's so hot. He said that she's got some body too. He said she's got a great ass.
The caller told Howard to try and get her on the show. Howard said he doesn't want her on. He said she doesn't shut up. Howard said he's not sure he could do a good interview with her. Howard said it's tough for hot chicks to be interesting in an interview. He said hot chicks think that everything they say is interesting. He said they need something to talk about. He said that's what he told Beth when she went on Letterman.
Howard thanked the caller for the call and took another one. The caller said that she wanted to mention that ''In Treatment'' was starting again. Howard said that he was excited about that. He said he suspects that some people think they're intellectuals for watching the show. He said it might make them seem smart. The caller said that it should be good this year. Howard said he likes that it's back because he thought it was canceled.
Howard said he was talking to someone and they think that the guy who plays the therapist is a horrible therapist. Howard said that it's great that he sucks though.
The caller said that she was watching the new show that Gabourey Sidibe is on and her whole character's existence is based on her being fat. Howard said Beth ran into her the other day and she didn't seem all that offended by what he said. That's what he thinks Beth told him anyway. Howard said he was out walking around and saw that just about every woman he saw looked like Gabourey. He said that it's an epidemic now.
Howard said he liked Gabby's mother on America's Got Talent too. He said she was a great singer. Howard said he thinks that the little girl on the show is going to win. Robin said she heard her and she didn't think she was that great. Howard said she's a cute kid and she is good.
Howard said that show is very confusing because they tell the contestants that they don't have good looks and he thought the show was about talent. He said they're very confused over there.
Howard said they have a white kid on that show who sings like Otis Redding and no one is going to go see him in Vegas. Howard said they have to have something big to put into a show out there. Howard said he would go see the group Fighting Gravity. He said that's kind of like the Blue Man Group. Howard said he's not sure he'd even go to see them. He said he might go if he was comped. Howard said Vegas is one big distraction. He said they have so much going on out there. They have a lot of tickets that are comped and you get to go see the shows for free. He said no one pays to go see those acts.
Howard said he went to see Siegfried and Roy right before the accident. He said he was comped though. He said he wouldn't pay to go see them. He said the whole thing was a joke and they didn't do anything. He said they called him out of the audience too. He said they didn't know what they were doing with those tigers. He said that one of them almost died because of that. Howard said the guy is a mess now.
Howard said he missed that incident with Siegfried and Roy by a month. He was pissed by that. He said they should sacrifice different people every night out there. That would get an audience.
Howard said they had an autistic kid on that America's Got Talent and he was flying a kite on the show. Howard said no one is going to see an act like that in Vegas. Howard said he wouldn't go see a little kid singing opera either. Howard said he hates opera. Robin asked why he hates it so much. Howard said he just hates it. He said he has a friend who sings opera and he only likes one song she sings. Howard said that the audience at the opera is all snoozing too. He said the music is bullshit though. Robin said there was a show she saw where they had puppets and it was great.
Robin said there's another play coming to Broadway called War Horse and the horses are puppets. Howard said Broadway has turned into an abomination. He said it's like Vegas on the east coast. Howard said he's not going to get into his whole Musical rap but it's all bullshit. Howard said they're coming out with a Spider-Man musical and they've finally put him in something he won't go see. Howard did his Spider-Man singing impression and said that it's got to be awful. Howard said they're going to ruin it. He sang about Spider-Man's history and how he became Spider-Man.
Howard read some feedback about the Mel Gibson vs. Howard Stern survey and how he shouldn't take it too far. Howard said he's going to go up against the worst people in history. Howard read the note from a black woman who was telling him that Mel will never have the adoration that Howard does. Howard thanked her for that beautiful letter. Howard said he's in a mixed marriage himself. He said that his wife is hot and he's a beast.
Howard read about the News Examiner article that he read from Brad Kava. Someone pointed out that it's barely a paper and more of a blog than anything.
Howard read about the phony phone calls he plays on the show and how he is responsible for them because he plays them on the air. Howard said everyone is responsible for their own actions. He said that Captain Janks is providing a service for them too. He said he points out that their screening process are screwed up on news programs.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard about some play he thinks that he'd like. Howard said he doesn't like any musicals. Vinnie said that American Idiot is a great one. Howard said he heard from Green Day's management yesterday and they thought he was bad mouthing them. Howard said he wasn't doing that. He was just pointing out that they refused to sing a hit song on his show when they were on. Howard read the note he got from their manager and he was saying that Billy Joe did the song because it was about his dad dying from cancer. Howard said he should come on and do it on his show then.
Howard said he doesn't have time for new music. He said he doesn't want to hear a new song. He wants to hear hit songs.
Robin said she was reading about Will.I.Am being in black face on the MTV VMAs. She read a quote from him about why he did it and telling his fans to stop living in the past and not worry about it so much. Howard said he wasn't offended by it but he's not a black man.
Steve said they also have a story about Bubba the Love Sponge and his book foreword request that wasn't really a request. Howard said he and Bubba have emailed each other and Bubba understands that he's not writing anymore forewords.
Steve said they have a story about Mancow coming to New York doing evenings on a station there. Steve also got in some plugs for Jackie the Joke Man's show and Riley Martin's shows that are on tonight at 7 and midnight on Howard 101.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. Howard said he wanted to go out and do a puppetry thing on the road but they didn't want him. He said that he used to do puppet shows when he was a kid. He said he used to do a sexual thing with them and the guys loved it. Howard said his mother didn't like that though. Robin said he should shoot a porno movie with puppets. Howard said he's thinking of doing that. Howard said his mom wanted him to have a hobby and he ended up doing sexual positions with the puppets instead. Howard said he's not sure how the horse got involved though. He said he had some show going with those puppets.
Howard said when he was in second grade he would draw sexy girls and sell the pictures as if they were Playboy. He said that they shut him down. He said he actually thinks that he got caught and he was shut down by a teacher. They had to go to break after that.
Robin started her news with a story about how people are now announcing when they're leaving Twitter. John Mayer has discontinued his account even though he has 3.7 million followers. A few other celebrities have closed their accounts. Howard said he is never going to twitter but Robin seems to love it. Robin said she does. Howard said they should announce it when she does get sick of it.
Robin read about a woman who had the world's largest breast implants who had them removed. She had infections that were too strong for antibiotics. Howard said they put in pontoons so maybe if she had normal sized implants she would have been okay. Robin said she has to have reconstructive surgery now. Her implants would be illegal in the U.S. because of their size. Howard said they're gross when they're that big. He said some guys must dig it though.
Robin read that Joaquin Phoenix is making a return appearance to the David Letterman show. He's going to be on to promote his new movie.
Robin read about Latoya Jackson talking about why her brother had Bubbles the chimp. Howard said he can't believe anything that she says. He said that she seems to have reversed her stories that she used to tell on this show. Howard said she's a nice lady but he can't believe her anymore.
Robin read about the MTV VMA awards having the highest ratings since 2002. She and Howard spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read about how there are 9 shark attack survivors who went to the United Nations to beg them to save the sharks. Howard said maybe they want to try and find their bit off limbs. Howard said they've ruined the ocean for him so he wants them done away with. Howard said he has to run off to the ''Save the Bedbug'' rally now. Howard said it's ridiculous that people who have lost limbs to sharks want to save them. Howard said we should do away with all predators and we'll all be better off. He said it's insane thinking to want to save them after they bit your arm or leg off.
Robin read a story about some studies being done to convert brain signals into speech. Howard said he loves that. Robin said it could eventually move mind reading machines into reality. Robin said it would be better than a lie detector.
Robin read about how they may prescribe music to people to cure them some day. Howard said he's pretty sure nothing would help him.
Robin said that Lindsay Lohan is in talks to host Saturday Night Live. Howard said that would be good. He said he would watch that.
Robin read that Jennifer Lopez is almost a sure thing for American Idol. She read that Randy Jackson will be staying with the show. Howard said he'll stay tuned into that. He said he read that they had to widen the seat for J-Lo.
Robin asked Howard if there is any redeeming value to playing video tames. Howard said there are reason to play. They can be fun and they can kill time. He said he doesn't play any now. He said he plays chess, the thinking man's game. Howard said Scott DePace plays video games. Robin said that they say playing action video games can train the brain to make reactions more quickly. She said that they found that playing these shooter games can lead to you having better hand eye coordination. Scott DePace was saying that playing chess just makes you slow and dopey. Howard said he wasn't even going to respond to that. Then he responded and said that it's a game that you have to think in every single second. Robin read about the study and how they found out that the kids who played games were 25 percent faster at reacting than the non-gamers were.
Howard said his kids played video games for years but then they got bored of them. Howard said he stopped playing when he was in his late 20s. He said he's very mature now. Robin laughed.
Robin read about Ines Sainz and the controversy with her and the Jets. Howard played some audio of her talking about that but he cut it off after a few seconds. He said he couldn't take it. Howard said they should make a movie out of that story.
Robin read some news about the U.S. Open. Howard said he didn't even know who she was talking about when she mentioned Rafael Nadal. Robin had some audio clips of Nadal for Howard to play. Howard had to do a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of President Obama talking about the economy picking up and stabilizing.
Robin read about the 9th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks just passing and how they're still talking about the mosque being built down near Ground Zero. She had some audio of an Imam talking about that. Howard couldn't listen to that for too long. Howard said they should do away with religion all together in this country. He said that he's against all organized religion. Howard said it would free up everyone's day if they didn't think about this stuff. Howard said people can do all kinds of things other than religion. He said the whole country would become way more creative. He said if you want to pray in private, that's fine.
Robin asked Howard what he thinks about stopping people from smoking. Howard said they have to do whatever it takes. He said they may have to outlaw it completely and execute the people who can't quit. Howard said the tobacco companies are very big here in the States but there are no positive benefits from smoking. He said it kills, it creates death and it creates more insurance needs. Howard said they have to do away with it. Robin said that San Francisco is trying to outlaw sales of cigarettes in stores and pharmacies. Howard said that's another thing that should only be done in the privacy of your own home away from other people. He said he doesn't want any second hand cigarette smoke in his face. Robin said that Walgreens was suing San Francisco for banning the sales but they're doing just fine since the ban was announced.
Robin read about a woman who won the all expenses paid trip to Australia. Robin said this woman was a Texas middle school teacher. Robin said the woman was invited to the show when producers heard that she had accidentally set her kitchen on fire while watching Oprah.
Robin read about the pope going to visit Great Britain. She had some details about that.
Robin read about a woman who stabbed her husband in the chest with scissors. Robin said that she got upset with him and he threatened her so she stabbed him first.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the shark story and said that there are 23,000 dolphins being slaughtered in Japan every year. He said they have to help stop that. Howard said he's fine with Dolphins. He said the caller is right about that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he doesn't want Howard to go anywhere. He wants him to stay there. Howard said he's not commenting on what the situation is right now.
Another caller said that he has an F, Marry, Kill for Howard. He gave him his sister Ellen, Robin and his mother-in-law. Howard said this is a no-win for him. He said he has to keep Robin around because he needs her for the show. He said that she serves a function for him. Howard said he'd probably have to fuck Robin and not marry her. He said he'd have to kill his sister and marry his mother-in-law. He said that's not good. He said his mother will hate him if he kills his sister. He said he really can't answer that. He just said he'd have to keep Robin alive.
The caller had another game to play where he gives him a crime like hijacking and Howard has to say who does them. Howard didn't like the game so he hung up on him.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about M. Night Shyamalan's latest movie ''Devil'' and had some audio of M. Night talking about the movie. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:35am.
Jon ran down the list of things he wanted to cover today. They ended up talking about Sal and how he was writing jokes for the Friar's club roast for free. Benjy figured that maybe he did that so he could write as much or as little as he wanted to.
The guys also talked about Howard and his regrets about losing touch with David Letterman. Gary said he gets what Howard was saying about that.
Sal came in so the guys asked him what was up with not being paid for the roast jokes. Sal told the guys that Lisa had screwed it up so he wanted to straighten it out. Sal said he was asked by a guy who said he couldn't pay him much to write the jokes but he could come down for the roast with his wife. Sal said that he wrote some stuff for this unnamed person and the person wanted him to write more. Sal said he would do it but he didn't want to spend too much time doing it. He said he would punch up some jokes for that person if they wanted but he hasn't done that yet. He's just going to do this as a courtesy for that person. Gary asked why he won't be compensated for that. Sal said if he gets to sit down with the celebrity then he will be paid. He said he wrote the jokes in exchanged for the seats for him and his wife so he was paid.
Gary asked who he's writing for. Sal said he can't say. He said that the person is in the Tom Sizemore range of celebrity. Sal said he is writing jokes about Uma Thurman, Rob Schneider, Eli Roth and a bunch of other people.
Will said that he may want to try and network since they don't know what's going to happen there. Sal said he sent in like 35 jokes and he's not sure he'd want to sit down and do it again. He said he's working with the Friar's club guy so things are working out fine. Gary said he could use it on his resume if he did write for the roast. Sal said that's a good point.
Jon said he hopes it works out for him and he really should take the meeting. Sal said he's going to wait and see what happens. Sal said he has to get out and on the road for a project they're working on. Gary said he could have just said he had to go back to work. Gary said Sal is going to go out and ask people about what they think about Howard Stern compared to other people like Osama bin Laden and people like that.
Jon asked the guys what they thought of her talking about all of her fantasies and stuff like that. Gary said he was laughing his ass off about some of that stuff today. Will said he spoke to her on the phone about her pussy getting wet and figured it would be funny on the show.
Benjy said that's definitely true like he was saying he was with her. He said he was just joking about that though.
Jon played a clip from the show where Howard asked to see Hattie's boobs. After that the guys talked about how her boobs looked and how they weren't too bad for a 74 year old. Will said he didn't see her ass. Gary said she had stockings on and it was just a flash so it looked a little weird. Benjy said it looked like someone who lost weight who used to have a fat ass.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that her boobs had to look awful. The guys said she actually didn't look so bad. Gary said they're not used to seeing 74 year old boobs. He said they were big and real too so that was unusual as well.
Wheels called in and asked if anyone there has talked to Howard about the contract. Gary said he hasn't talked to him about anything. He said he hasn't said a word to him.
Wheels asked about Robin picking Hattie as a massage therapist and said that it proves that she's a nut. Gary didn't get what his point was. Wheels said that she's not a licensed therapist. He said Robin is just way out there for him.
Jon let Wheels go and asked if they ever figured out what happened at the U.S. Open. They never did figure that out.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is worse than Mel Gibson because Howard keeps people employed there who make fun of retarded people all the time. Gary said he was staying quiet during this call because he's tired of this guy's calls. He calls in looking for a fight all the time. Gary asked why he listens to the show if he doesn't like it. The caller, Roberto, said that he's not saying that Howard doesn't do any good. He said that he's got all of this bravado but he gets away with a lot of stuff.
Will asked Roberto if he thinks that Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard are better or worse off with the show. Roberto told Will to stop with his fake laugh in the background and said that what Howard does with retards is heinous and wrong. He said that if Beth heard that she'd shut it down in a second. Gary said Beth is aware of what goes on with the show. Roberto said that's not true. He thinks she doesn't listen at all. Jon claims that Roberto hung up on him and he did not hang up on Roberto.
Another caller said that caller was worse than Shuli. He said that he'd like to know why Gilbert Gottfried isn't on the show instead of the bookings they had this week. Gary said maybe Gilbert doesn't want to come in. He said they don't just ask him to come in at any time. They book him when Gilbert wants to come in. The caller said he loves Gilbert and he used to be on much more. He said they have Joan Rivers on much more than Gilbert.
The caller said he'd like to hear Belzer, Gilbert and Dice on the show more. Gary asked the guy if he knows it's 2010 now. The caller said he doesn't care. He likes them as guests on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't get why that other caller was so angry. He said that Wendy and Gary the Retards are much better off with the show. Gary said that Wendy's mom is involved with everything they do with her.
Will said he thinks that this show gave Eric the Midget a reason to live and may have extended his life. Jon seemed to agree and said that he has gotten to love out some of his dreams thanks to this show. Gary said that there have been people who were on the show and they became little celebrities thanks to the show. They get an identity that they might not have ever had.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she was part of a group of girls that sells cookies and gets patches for it and got kicked out because she was a Stern fan. She said that they heard her listening to it every morning and she got kicked out along with another lady. Benjy asked why she wouldn't say it was the Girl Scouts. She said she doesn't think that they're all bad. She said that she heard she got kicked out because of her being a fan. She said that she was not playing the show in the car with the girls or anything like that. She said that there was no connection with her girls and her and the show. She said she'd listen outside in her car while drinking coffee. Gary said that most of the guys who fired her have husbands with DVDs of Howard at home on a shelf somewhere.
Gary said that the job that this woman has is one of the toughest jobs to fill. He said it's a volunteer thing and it's not easy to get someone to do the job. The caller, Tiffany, said that it really was a hard job to fill. She said she has to dress frumpy just to get friends down there. She said when she looked hot she didn't have any friends.
The guys let her ramble on for another minute. Benjy figured they could have filled the hour with her chatting just adding a few ''Uh huh's'' in there.
Jon asked JD what he thought of the 74 year old woman. JD said she looked 75. He said he wouldn't be interested in her but maybe with a Sophia Loren type. Gary asked who the oldest, hottest chick is. They ran through a couple of names like Adrienne Barbeau. Benjy mentioned seeing some woman who was a pin-up star.
Jon asked the guys if any of them are into older women. They mentioned that Sal is into it. Jon said Sal brings in a lot of porn clips and he's always watching them back there. The guys talked about the weird comments that Sal makes while he's watching them.
The guys talked about Richard Christy too since he's stuck in the office with Sal. Benjy said that he seems kind of A-sexual to him. He said that he doesn't seem to be interested in porn like Sal is. He used to keep a hard drive full of porn though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about the Jets playing so bad last night. Gary was at the stadium last night and it was like one of those weird games where they lose in an odd way.
Benjy asked how the whole Ines thing is playing out in Mexico. He wasn't so sure how it was going down there. He said that she's really not all that famous down there. He said her ass is more famous than her name. Gary asked if they have sexual harassment rules down in Mexico. He said it's enforced about as much as a speed limit on a highway.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Rush and getting them into the hall of fame. The guys spent a minute talking about that but there wasn't any fighting or anything going on. Jon seemed surprised by that. They had to go to break a short time later.
The guys weren't sure who to throw in there so Jon asked Steve Brandano to throw out some names. Steve said that Radiohead might be one. Gary said they're not a band for the ages though. He said they haven't broken out the way U2 has. Steve said it's hard to say but he says Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers and others. Jon said that they've been around for longer than the last 10 years.
Jason said it's hard to say right now. He said that Radiohead could be around 30 years from now. He said that 30 years from now they might be able to pick a couple of bands that will still be around. He said that in 1980 no one knew if Van Halen was going to be around for as long as they've been. Gary said that after 7 years they knew that Van Halen would be great. Jason said that Eminem will be around 20 years from now.
Steve said that Jack White and Beck will do different bands and they'll have a lot of hit songs and maybe it won't be bands in the future. It might be more about single performers and producers.
Steve said Radiohead is going to be one of them. He said there are a lot of bands like the Flaming Lips and Black Keys who are making good music. Gary said that the Black Keys are pretty new. Jason said it's a weird conversation to have. He said that it's going to be tough to predict the future.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he gets creamed when he brings up stuff like that. He said he can't stand Lady Gaga. He said she's great at entertaining. Gary said she can sing actually. He said you can hear it when she performs. Steve said she's writing her own music too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said there aren't as many record labels these days and a lot of bands are doing stuff on their own now. He said that they're open to a lot of great bands there at satellite and they choose to live in the past. Gary said he hears new music but it just doesn't do it for him. He said he liked the Black Keys CD but not enough to keep listening to it. Steve said they're blowing up right now. He said they're all over the place. Gary said he likes their record.
Gary asked Steve if he thinks that Howard isn't open to the new bands. Steve said that the bands he's saying are good are bands that you have to hear on the alternative stations. He said they have a jam band channel there and they're just not playing enough of this stuff. He has some suggestions for Gary to give to Howard and he'll bring them in tomorrow.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that rock and roll comes in waves. He said that eventually they'll see some new bands that were influenced by good bands. He said it should get good again. Jason said that they say the 90s were the worst for rock music and now you look back and cherry pick the awesome bands like Pearl Jam and Stone Temple Pilots.
Jason said that back in 1995 they probably weren't saying that Pearl Jam would be influential. Gary said that they were totally talking about them back then and they did stand out.
Jon said Howard also talked about this hatred for opera and Broadway. He said Howard only said there was one song he could listen to in opera. They talked about the Spider-Man musical and how Howard hated that idea. Gary said that it could inspire some good songs. Jon said he'll have to check it out before judging it. He said he's not sure Howard would ever like any musical. Gary said he begged Howard to go see Jersey Boys. He said that one was great. Jon said he's heard a lot of great things about Jersey Boys. They also mentioned Rock of Ages and American Idiot.
Jon said that Howard was talking about being in the Puppeteering troop and how he was rejected. He was even rejected by the Jim Henson people. Benjy said that maybe he would have been great as a Muppet operator. Jon asked JD if he can imagine Howard as a puppeteer. JD laughed and said he can't imagine him doing that. Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Howard's parents encouraged him to do that. Gary said he's sure they didn't want him to go out on the road for no money.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the Sal and Richard interviews with that guy who said ''Engage'' at the Comic-Con convention. He said he thought that he sounded a lot like JD. Gary didn't think that he sounded anything like him. The guy had a few other quick things he ran through before Jon let him go.
Another caller said that the 60s and 70s music was a renaissance of music. He said that they have to be lying if they never thought they'd be around forever. Jon said he thinks it's fair to say that it was a renaissance era but they also had disco in the 70s. The caller said there were dozens of bands in that era that were great. He said it's not crazy to think that they do cycle in the way the other caller said. Gary said these days they hear all of that pop music and he likes a few of those songs. He said that it all depends and he doesn't hate all of it. Steve said Gary is just a casual listener so of course not all of it will be accessible to him. Gary said he's not a casual listener. He said that he listens to a lot. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how they were going to be hanging out with the audience for the next 4 hours. He said they have to cut it down to 4 hours from now on. He said that's plenty of time. Robin said they've been doing about 4 and a half. Howard said most people do 4 hours and get out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been a listener for 25 years and he loves him to death. He bought a lifetime subscription for SIRIUS and now he's talking about leaving. Howard said he's not talking about what he's doing now. He said he's keeping his mouth shut. He said he appreciates him coming over with him though. He said he's been reading lately that they don't even need him there anymore. The caller said he will be upset if he leaves. He said he's a truck driver and he knows other guys who are truck drivers. Howard said maybe he can start eating poorly and shorten that lifetime.
Howard said he told people when he got there that he only had a 5 year contract. He said he never said he was going to be there for a lifetime. He said if they want to talk to him about a lifetime contract then talk to him. He said he's just going to move on.
Howard said he goes on too long about some stuff. He said he may have gone on too long about the Jerry Lewis telethon stuff the other day. He knows that. He said he was being critical of himself. He said Jon Hein was sitting there and listening to him so that was a good thing.
Howard and Gary went back and forth on that stuff and then the subject changed to Will the Farter who Gary says claims that he has a higher IQ than Gary or Scott DePace. Howard said if he's over a 120 then he'd be willing to pay off a bet.
Howard said he was listening to Steve Brandano talking about music and Jason got in on that too. He said there's nothing more boring than that. He said it's fine to make a comment about it but just move on. He said it's an irrelevant discussion.
Howard said Brandano said that he had a new album that was coming out that he wanted to play and it was an instrumental album. Howard said he heard some of it and it sounded like elevator music. Howard said this guy put out ''Rubber Soul'' with just music and no singing. He said that's not a good example. Gary said it was actually just Beatles music and a bunch of their songs off of various albums. He said the band is Soul Live.
Howard played some of that instrumental album and it sounds like something in the dentists office. Howard said that's what he hears when he's getting his teeth drilled. Robin said she felt like she was in some kind of basement club. Howard said he was bored out of his skull. Howard said maybe Jason and Steve can debate this on the Wrap Up Show for 25 minutes. He said he's actually going to give his dentist this CD so he can play it while he's getting his teeth cleaned today.
Howard said the porn has gotten too graphic even for him. He said it looks very angry. Robin said there is no loving in that. Howard said every one of the girls in this one was with 2 guys at the same time. Howard said he's kind of out of the loop with this stuff. He said the guys seem really angry and spit in the girl's mouths. He said it's awful. Robin was about to throw up hearing that.
Howard said the guys jam their fingers in the girl's asses too. He said they do that before sex. He said that he thinks they're checking to see if the ass is opened up. He said the ass stays open for a second. Howard said he fast forwarded through most of this but that's what he was seeing.
Howard said a lot of guys bury their face up a girl's ass and things like that. Howard said the girls spit on the guy's penis and that upsets him too.
Howard said the girls have sex with two guys and they look like they're going to rip the girl apart. Howard said it's really graphic. He said he didn't see a lot of porn growing up but kids must see this from the age of 12 on and it's really too much. He said this really would have warped him out if he had seen that stuff so young.
Howard said it was kind of cool having that key chain full of porn. Gary said they call that thing a ''Flesh Drive.'' Howard said he wasn't masturbating so he was just getting worked up for Beth. He said they ended up watching America's Got Talent and she fell asleep so he didn't have sex.
Howard read some details about this ''Flesh Drive'' thing and they think that it's the future of porn. Howard read the note he got and it was full of typos. Howard said this was from the guy from FleshDrive.com and he had about 7 typos within 2 sentences. Howard said this thing will work on just about any computer. Howard said he thinks it's pretty cool and the technology is pretty cool. Howard said he thinks it's very cool but it does say ''Flesh Drive'' on it. Robin said that it might be intriguing enough to plug it into the computer.
Howard said there's a tape going around on the internet. He said that Mel Gibson has been followed by the Paparazzi and Mel has been wearing a tape on moustache that's pretty hysterical. Howard said that Mel looks like Mel with a Halloween costume on. Howard said he can't escape from the Paparazzi. The Howard TV guys showed the picture and Mel looks kind of like Wilfred Brimley according to Fred. Howard said Gibson got out of his car and started taking pictures of the Paparazzi in this video. Howard said that they were hoping that Gibson would punch them so they could sue.
Howard said he had the tape of Mel getting out of his car. They played it on one of those entertainment shows. He said they were airing the tape and saying that it was horrible that they were doing this. Howard said he'd like to interview one of these Paparazzi guys to find out what they get paid. Robin said she would imagine it's a pretty good score.
In the clip the Paparazzi are filming Mel and then Mel stops and comes over to them knocking on their window. They asked Mel if he thinks he'll ever make another movie in Hollywood again. Mel doesn't have much to say but he does film them. Then the Paparazzi gets out of his car and asks for his money back for all of the tickets he's bought for Mel's movies. Howard said they were just trying to annoy Mel to get him to punch them. Howard said he wouldn't blame Mel for wanting to do that.
Howard said that they were harassing the shit out of Mel. He said he should have the right to complain to the cops about that. Howard said he did get out of the car to talk to them though. Robin said if you're in your car people can follow you. Howard said it's kind of creepy when people do that though. He said they may have the right to do that but it's weird.
Howard said you have to walk around knowing the law. He said it's almost like you have to be a lawyer. Howard said he's not so clear about what's legal or not. He said that people can get crazy out there.
Howard said he knows that if someone touches him he can push them back. He said he's not even sure if that's the law but that's what he goes by. Robin said that you might answer with excessive force and then get in trouble yourself. Howard said he doesn't know what's right.
Howard said there's a picture of Lady Gaga in the paper today and she's almost completely naked at the airport. Robin wondered how she gets through the airport like that. Howard said they might like it because they can see if she's carrying anything. Howard said it's kind of sad because she's screaming out for attention.
Howard said Lady Gaga wore this meat outfit at the MTV awards and he found it offensive. He said that he does eat meat but it's just not right to wear it as an outfit. Howard said he likes it in the Indian culture that they say animals gave up their life for them to keep living. He said when you just take meat and use it as an outfit, that's just not cool. He said it was hard to watch.
Howard said he's done wild things in his career and Lady Gaga must think that it's entertaining but it comes across as desperate. He said she's trying to get noticed and trying to make it even though she's already made it. Robin said it's weird that she's doing it now that everyone does know her name.
Howard said Lady Gaga was on the Ellen Degeneres show explaining the meat dress but she was trying to tie it into gay rights or something. He played some of the audio of that interview and Lady Gaga was saying she has fans who are gay and they feel like they have governmental oppression on her so that's why she wore the meat dress.
Howard said that's what he's going to do from now on. He's going to say he does stuff for gay people. Howard played more of the audio and Ellen is asking about the meat bikini she wore and the meat dress. Ellen said she's vegan herself but she'd like to know what the meat means to her. Lady Gaga says that there were many interpretations. She said that if they don't stand up for their rights then they're not going to have anything but the meat on our bones. She also said that she's not a piece of meat.
Howard and Robin didn't get her explanation. Robin said it seems really poor and not well thought out. She said it's like the dress was made and the explanation came after. Howard said Ellen never challenges her guests so that's why she gets so many on there. Howard said Ellen could have told her to get the fuck out of there with that explanation but she didn't do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with him about the music thing. He said it's a joke because it's an opinion. Howard said people argue with him when he says he likes some music. He said that he can give his opinion but then people argue with him about it. He said they tell him he's fucked up for liking a certain kind of music but he doesn't have time to go out and find other stuff.
The caller also said he wanted to do a tribute to Robert Schimmel by playing a game of Guess Who's The Jew with Fred. Howard said that he wasn't going to do that and hung up. He said that guy sounded an awful lot like Red Peters with that accent.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that people wear leather jackets all the time so why not go off on therm. Howard said they could go there but a leather jacket is useful and it's being used for a good reason. He said that using meat is just there for shock value. Howard said he doesn't care about this Lady Gaga. He said the things they discuss in this country is ridiculous.
Howard said that Sarah Palin has been out there too and she's got the moron vote going. Howard said he almost won for governor so he knows how the moron vote works.
Howard said Steve Brandano ran into this guy Pepe Castro at Rock-Con. He played the interview Steve did and Pepe is telling him about the bands he was in and the people he's written songs for. Steve asked what song he might know. Steve kept confusing his songs with other bands. The guy said he was in the Blues Magoos. Pepe would sing some of his stuff and Steve would sing a similar song. Pepe said that Black Sabbath ripped them off and he gave him an example of what it was.
Howard said it must be horrible to have to explain yourself to Steve Brandano. Steve then asks Pepe more about the stuff that he's written for commercials and things like that. Pepe wrote a Juicy Fruit jingle and things like that.
Howard said that was Pepe Castro. He said he liked the guy. He was being nice to Brandano even with those questions. Howard said he remembered the song that Pepe mentioned. Fred played the song that he had mentioned during the interview. Howard said he doesn't think that he ever bought one of the Blues Magoos albums.
Howard asked Robin what the most obscure album is that she bought. Robin said she was going to say Little Feet but they were pretty popular. Howard said he had a Savoy Brown album but that wasn't that obscure either.
Howard said he knew that bulldogs snored but his breeder said her dogs don't snore. She was wrong. Howard said the dog thinks that it's time to go out for a walk if he wakes her up at 1 in the morning. Howard said he has to tip toe past her. He said he went back to bed last night and the dog was fine. He said the dog is right there when his alarm goes off though. He said that Beth has to walk around like a zombie every day because she's on his schedule.
Robin asked how the little opera girl did on America's Got Talent. Howard said she was okay but Prince Poppycock didn't. Howard said the guy has a good voice but not good enough to be in Vegas. Howard said he's like a modern day Liberace. Howard said the guy sings opera but he's just okay. Howard said the guy is obviously a queen who has probably been ostracized his whole life. Howard said that the magician didn't make it into the finals and America was wrong for voting him out before Prince Poppycock. Howard said the little girl was okay. He said he's not sure he'd pay to go see her sing.
Howard said that there are guys who think they're Billy Joel but they're not. Howard said that he actually got an email from Billy Joel yesterday. He said he thought it was a goof but it turns out it was real. He said that Billy sent him a song parody and it was to the tune of Cocaine and it was called ''Rogaine.'' He said that he might have Fred record it. It's about an old Jew who is losing his hair. Howard said it was one of his best new songs. Howard said he'd rather have Billy sing it though. Howard said people are disappointed that Billy is done recording songs but he must be getting the bug again. Howard said it was good to hear from him. He said they'll record the song for him. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that JD was asking if he wanted to hear a new song from the Spider-Man musical. He said he was listening to it and he has no idea what it has to do with Spider-Man. Robin said she saw the guy who was playing Spider-Man and he's a good looking guy.
Howard said they finally put Spider-Man in something he won't go see. He said they've ruined Spider-Man for him. This song was written by Bono and The Edge from U2. Howard played the song and he said it sounds kind of wuss. Howard said Jon Hein said that this is supposed to be Spider-Man's inner turmoil.
Howard took a call from Eric the Midget. Eric said he was calling in because last week he heard they were talking about the blurb he wrote for Gary's book and how he thought it should be in there but now it's not going to be used. Howard said Gary had to eliminate it. Howard said that Eric's blurb was funny. He said he thought it was good. He said they could have fit in another blurb on the back of the book. It's going to be Howard, Joan Rivers and Dr. Drew with their blurbs. Gary said it was something like ''Hey ape face, good luck in your next job...don't forget to ask people if they want fries with that.''
Howard asked Gary why they couldn't fit that on the book. Gary's phone was ringing so Howard asked what kind of phone that was. Gary said it was an old Motorola clam shell type of phone. He has a Blackberry but he doesn't like to use it as a phone. Ronnie came in and said he was getting like 42 ''textes.'' Gary corrected him and said it's ''texts.''
Gary said he wrote Eric a note and apologized for having to ditch the blurb. He didn't really have that much control over it. Howard asked if Gary asked Eric to write that blurb. Gary said he did. Gary said that he thought it would be a perfect blurb when he heard Will talking to Eric on the phone one day and he was saying that he will never get another job.
Howard said he saw a version with Eric's blurb on the book. He said it was still there when he saw it. Howard said Dr. Drew came through so they put his on there instead. Gary said he had it there so he'd have to see what it says. Gary brought it in for Howard to check out. Howard said here was room there for Eric's quote. Dr. Drew's blurb was just explaining what the book was about and how it was fascinating. Howard said he liked Eric's better.
Gary said Eric sent him like 6 choices and they were all out of the Milton Berle book of comedy. Howard said that people want to see Eric's blurb over Dr. Drew. He said that there is room for all of them on the book though. Howard said they could have fit 4 on there.
Howard asked Gary who he dedicated his book to. Gary dedicated it to his wife, kids and parents. Howard said that's a cop out. He should just dedicate it to one person. Howard said he dedicated his second book to Steve Grillo. Howard said he couldn't remember who he dedicated his first book to. He said it might have been his wife. He said if he didn't then it showed he was heading toward divorce. Howard said the whole divorce thing is really tough on your family. Howard said you really have to think about the kids when you get a divorce.
Howard said today is Tim Sabean's birthday today. Fred threw in a bunch of Tim audio clips while Howard talked about that. Howard said he thinks that Tim is older than him but he believes he's younger. He said he'd guess that he's in his 70s but he's probably younger than that.
Howard said he saw that Benjy got on CNBC yesterday. He said he got a clip and he saw a female reporter doing his thing and then Benjy shows up on camera. Benjy said he told the reporter that he was from the Sanjaya thing (another thing he did with the same reporter) but he wasn't into that now so then he started to talk about how he's in Tracy Morgan's life and wanted to talk about that. Benjy said they tried pulling him away from her after that.
Howard said Benjy is very careful about touching people. He just lets them pull him away. JD said that Benjy was wearing his glasses too so it was kind of disturbing. Robin said she was out running in the park the other day and they told her to stop running. She said she just kept running right through their set. She said they were set up in the middle of a public park so she wasn't going to stop.
Benjy said he was getting yelled at after he got on camera. He said he feels bad after doing it. He said it might be an important moment for the woman and he feels bad for ruining it. Howard played the clip and the reporter is doing her report live when Benjy walks right up to her and starts talking to her. They pull him away from her right away. Howard said a tiny woman started hitting him and grabbing him.
Howard said Tim sent him a memo about the award. He read the memo and Tim was asking if he wanted to send the team out to accept the award. Howard said the History of Howard Stern has surpassed the real Howard because he never gets any awards. Howard said the tapes team is winning but they're just putting together tapes of him.
Howard said he was thinking that one of the guys should go get the award. Then he found out it was $345 a ticket to get there. Howard said that negates the whole thing. Howard said that's just
Howard said he knows that History of Howard Stern Part 4 is going to win too. He said that they're just trying to make money off of them to get into this award show. Howard said he should have questioned this. He said they're like a scam. Tim said that it was nice that they recognized the show. Howard said that they think that they're suckers though. Howard said they should start their own awards show. Howard said they could charge people to get their awards.
Howard said that he thought they won some prestigious award. Tim said it is prestigious. Howard said it shouldn't cost $345 to sit there. Tim said they had to pay to submit the content too. Tim said they submit content from the news department and from the Tapes Team.
Howard said radio really sucks. He said they have to pay for their own award. Howard said that Tim told him that it was a prestigious award and then he's telling him it's a scam. Tim said that they're in radio so the awards are all scams. Howard said that he's not sure he wants to pay for the award. Tim said he'll call and find out if they can get in free. Howard said he didn't want to burst David Haight's bubble by saying he can't go. He said he'd rather spend that $345 on the channels instead of an award. Howard said he was all excited about the award. Then two seconds later he has Tim agreeing that it's a scam.
Richard ran in to give Gary something and Howard had him come in because he was looking so thin. Howard said he's really getting into shape. Richard said he's been working out and running like 6-7 miles a day. Howard said Richard hasn't been watching porn lately from what he heard. Richard said that's not true, he's still watching it.
Howard and Richard spent a couple of minutes talking about Peter North since Richard is such a big fan of his. Richard likes that he shoots ropes with his jizz. Howard said he likes to see girls getting laid when he watches. He doesn't care about ''ropes.'' He said he doesn't care about the guy's load. He said he wants to see the girls getting banged. Richard said that Will likes the load thing too. He said they talk about that all the time.
Howard asked Richard when he's getting married. Richard said it should be in late July next year. He said that it might be like July 30th. He said he's not sure what will be going on with his job next year so he's not planning a honeymoon yet. Howard told Richard not to plan a bright future.
Howard asked Richard what his game plan is if he leaves this place and can't bring him with him. Richard said he'll figure it out when the time comes. Richard said he can always go back to being an electrician. He said he could make really good money there in the city if he needs to. Howard asked if it will be weird for him to be Richard from the Howard Stern Show doing electrician work. Richard said he thinks that they'd get a kick out of it and he'd make their day. Howard said he'd be afraid that he'd get kicked out of someone's house.
Howard said maybe he should ask SIRIUS to keep him on there as an electrician. Richard said he knows the head electrician there so he might be able to get a job doing that. Richard said he has dreams that he has to go back and do that job. He said he has dreams that he's putting the tool belt on and he can't make prank calls anymore. Richard said this is the greatest job he could ever dream of having so nothing else can compare to it.
Richard said he is back to watching porn but he has a fiancee that's great and he doesn't need to watch it as much as he used to. Howard said Richard used to jerk off like 4 times in one night. Richard said he did 7 times in one night at one point. Richard said he's down to like once or twice a week now. Richard said it's just convenience. Richard said he usually does it in the bathroom when she's not around.
Howard asked Richard if he's going to have kids with his wife. Richard said they might do that eventually. Howard asked about his drinking problem. Richard said that he has lost some weight and he's not drinking as much as he used to. He said that they have a fish right now and they want to move up to a dog and then maybe a baby at some point. Howard told him to get an adult cat from North Shore. Richard said his fiancee is allergic but they might try to get a hypo allergenic cat. Robin said he should get a monkey instead of having a kid.
Richard said his fish, Pumpkin, died on Saturday. He said it lived for 2 years. He said that was pretty old for a fish. He said it was an orange and black tetra. He said that was pretty long for a fish like that. Richard said they have one more fish that's still hanging around. Richard said he thinks a fish is a good way to find out if you can take care of a fish. Howard said he used to have fish that would jump out of the tank because the water was so toxic. He said he would find fish in the wall from jumping out. He said the top of the tank was open and it was almost impossible for them to get out but they would commit suicide. Howard said he found a good place that took care of the tank and the fish were fine. He said then he got a divorce.
Howard said that he had to get an expert company to take care of his fish. He said it's not that easy to take care of them sometimes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there are a lot of electricians out of work in the city right now so that fall back job may not work out. Howard had to let that caller go because of his phone connection. Richard said he'll do whatever he has to do. He'll figure something out.
Howard asked Lisa G if she was in love with a guy, would she swallow a guy's load. Lisa said she would if the guy was a doctor. The caller was answering Lisa's questions and didn't seem to know that Howard wasn't talking to her.
Howard asked the caller what she wanted from him. She wanted to audition in front of him. Howard said she sounds kind of off. The caller, Heather, said that she's kind of sick with a sore throat. Howard thought she said she was ''thick.'' Howard asked if she's a smart girl. She said she graduated from high school and she's 24 years old. Howard asked if she sent pictures to playboy. She said she hasn't but she sends them to friends.
Howard asked Heather what 38 plus 17 was. She said she had to use a calculator. Richard asked if she knows who fought in the Civil war. Heather didn't know. Howard asked if she ever knew. She said she does a lot of drugs so that might not hello. She said she does a lot of coke and experiments with other stuff. She's done some Crystal and other stuff. Howard asked why she would use drugs that destroy brain cells if she has so few. She said you have to experiment.
Howard asked Heather who the president is. She said she knows that he's black but she didn't know his name. She said she really doesn't give a fuck. Howard said she sounds like a hot, dumb coke head and that's perfect for Playboy. Howard said that they're probably going to let her in. She eventually came up with Obama's name. Howard asked her if she knew what 82 plus 2 was. She had no idea and she kept saying she needed a ''Calpulator'' to figure it out. Howard said that's shocking that she can't add 82 and 2. Richard said he was amazed that she was able to dial the phone. Howard asked if she did that herself. She said she did.
Howard asked Heather if she was naked now. She said she had a tank top and sweats on. Howard asked what she weighs. She's 128 and 5'8'' tall. Howard said that could look good. She said she has good boobs and ass too. Howard asked who she looks like. Heather said she doesn't look like anybody but she has a beauty mark like that one model... Cindy Crawford. Howard had to come up with the name Cindy Crawford.
Howard asked Heather what she does for a living. She said she works with special needs people. Howard said it takes one to know one. She said she makes over $200 every two weeks. She said she goes to a junior college too. She's majoring in pillates and forestry. Howard said he knew someone who was into that and they became a street cleaner.
Howard said maybe she can teach pillates to Robin Hood and his gang with those degrees. Howard asked if the special needs kids ever get a hard on looking at her. She said she doesn't think so.
Gary had a picture of the girl. Howard sounded let down when he took a look at it. Howard said it looks like she's missing teeth. Heather said she's not. Howard told her to keep studying the forest. Heather said she heard she has the body for Playboy. Howard told her that maybe it was just a bad picture. Heather said that's one that she sends to her friends. Howard said he knows a magazine that she'd be good for. He said it's called ''Missing Teeth and Floppy Boobs Magazine.''
Heather said that she was thinking about getting some tattoos. Howard told her not to do that if she wants to be in Playboy. Howard told Heather that she doesn't have a shot with the picture she sent them. Howard said this one won't cut it. She said she can send others. Howard said she's going to have to come up with better ones. He said he's never seen anyone look like that in Playboy.
Howard said that her best shot is to marry Mel Gibson at this point. Howard told her to go ahead and get the tattoos too. Howard said that by the age of 24 you should already be modeling. Howard said his wife was modeling when she was just a kid.
Richard said Heather could be on one of those MILF sites that Sal likes. Heather said she's full on lesbian now. She said that she hates guy's loads. Howard read some of the stuff that Heather had sent in to them and she had some weird conspiracy theories about the moon and other stuff. Howard said he was surprised she even know about the moon. Heather said she was kind of lost on that. She said that she may have been drunk when she wrote that stuff.
Howard said that if she was in the area he'd invite her in but she's out in California. Richard said maybe Robin can visit her out there when she goes out to the wine country. Howard thanked Heather for the call and told her that this picture doesn't do her justice, so send in more. He let her go after that.
Howard said the picture was a good ''Before'' picture. He said she might be a beautiful girl but that picture didn't do her justice.
Lisa G got back to her news preview. She said that Richard and his fiancee have been celebrating Halloween already. They even have a Halloween tree that they're going to put gifts under. Lisa said that Richard is going to get made up on Friday before Halloween and he's going to stay in the same outfit the whole weekend.
Howard said that Gary is going to be on the Jimmy Kimmel show to promote his book when it comes out. Gary said that will be on November 11th. At first he said ''September 11th'' so he had to correct himself. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said the TV guys were down with Gary while he was taping his audio book. Gary got into a William Shatner kind of argument with the engineer. Gary said ''Artichoke'' kind of funny so the engineer told him it was wrong. Howard played the clip and Gary said ''Artie-chokes'' instead of just ''Artichokes'' like most people. Howard played the Shatner clip he was talking about where the engineer tells him he says ''sabotage'' wrong.
Howard asked Gary if he learned to say artichoke from his mom or something. Gary said he guesses so. Gary said the engineer told him he was wrong so he changed it. He said he didn't get all Shatner on him.
Howard said hearing Gary read that short clip annoyed him. He said Gary isn't a professional and it's annoying to hear his choppers and all of that. Howard said he was never good as an announcer so he wouldn't want to read his own book. He said he really needs a professional.
Howard replayed Gary's clip and said they should have left it in. Howard said that stuff sells tapes. Howard said he would buy the tape just to hear him say ''Artie-chokes.''
Howard said the Spanish TV network, Univision, got the best ratings last week overall and that's huge for them. He said it's the first time that's happened for them. Howard read the story about that and said that's pretty wild that they did so well. Howard said that the Disney Channel did really well too with one movie.
Howard said he has no interest in that show Glee but he knows that it's very popular. He said he's just too old for that crap.
Howard asked how Josh makes a living. He said he works in customer service but he didn't want to say what that job was. He said he has a web site where he has women with big breasts that just jump up and down. Josh said he has a fetish for that. Howard asked when he got into that. Josh said it was in high school. He said his coach would make them play shirts and skins and he wanted to see some skins on some of the girls. He said that didn't happen.
Howard asked Josh about the web site and how he got it started. Josh said he started it on his own and he didn't think that the bank would bankroll him for this site he started. Howard asked what the costs were for the site. Josh said that it can cost a few hundred to a few thousand for the women. He said that it depends on the woman. Howard asked how he finds them. He said there are web sites out there where ladies can market their services. He said SexyJobs.com is one of them. He said he has found many of the ladies on that site. Howard asked how he gets money for the site. Josh said it's a pay site.
Howard asked if you see them topless or completely naked. Josh said that he does have some fully nude women on there. He said he does the video taping himself and with a partner. He said he had to put up over 50 but under 80,000 bucks to start this site. Howard asked if his parents thought he was nuts. Josh said they thought it was a great idea actually. He said his parents are pretty liberal.
Howard asked why he doesn't want to say how much it cost. He said it's in the $80,000 zone. He said he has had some failure stuff that he doesn't put out there. He also has girls that demand a lot of money so it's not cheap to do this.
Howard asked Josh if he's in the videos that he shoots. Josh said that he stays off camera but you can hear his voice. Howard asked if he ever bangs these girls. Josh said that he has had a few who have liked him. He said that he's a big guy and he's not that bad looking. He feels he's semi-attractive. Howard said he's very attractive.
Josh said that he has gone along with it and he has followed through with a couple of the girls. He said that outside of the shoot it's just conversation and he can tell when a girl likes him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy is just a creeped out asshole. He said he feels that he's a pedophile in disguise. Howard asked Josh what he thinks about that. Josh said he likes large chested ladies. He said it doesn't matter what their age is. He said he has a circuit in his head that shuts off when they're 18 or under. Howard said that he figures he'd love to get Robin on his web site. Josh said that she would be a beautiful Josh Girl.
Howard said that they had some of the girls there today. He said you can check out the girls at JoshGirls.com. Howard spoke to the first girl, Anastasia, and asked if her parents are okay with this. She said that they're fine with it. She said they don't look at it though. She's a vet tech and she does some soft core porn too. Howard said that's a weird combination to be a vet tech and a bounce girl. Howard asked her how long the girls have to bounce. She said that they have to do it as long as they can.
Howard said that one of the girls popped blood vessels in her boobs. Her name is Sabina Lee. Howard spoke to her for a short time about what she does. She's a writer and she works in medical marijuana. She said she's allowed to grow it legally in Colorado. Howard asked if she smokes it too. She said that she smokes about half an ounce a week so it's pretty much all day long. She said she smokes a bowl and smokes about 20 times a day. She said it makes her more productive. Howard asked if her breasts were real. She said they are. Howard asked about how long she was jumping when she popped the blood vessels. She said it was about 2 hours. She said that the boob inflated and then turned green and it was really painful.
Howard asked what they get paid to do this. They weren't saying what it was. Howard spoke to Scarlett Rouge about what she does for a living. She has been in porn movies and she does some wild stuff. Howard asked what kind of wild stuff she has done. She said she has eaten a hamburger while a guy bangs her. She said that's a fetish thing that guys like to see.
Howard read that Sabina shit on a guy but it wasn't even for a video. She said that she did that for a guy who wanted her to do it. She said they were both grossed out by it. She said she shit on the guy's penis but he regretted it later. Howard asked when she realized it was wrong. She said it was like halfway through. She said they ended up in a very serious shower after they did it. She said it was just a bad idea.
Howard read that she fisted her boyfriend's asshole too. She said that was the same guy. Howard asked how that works. She said that she made her hand into a cone and put it in there. Howard asked if she's turned off by that. She said she actually loves it. Howard said he didn't think that women would be into that unless they're doing porn or something.
Howard asked the girls to jump up and down for him so he can see what they do on Josh's web site. The girls took off their tops and Josh said that he was getting excited. Howard said all three of the girls might be bigger than Robin. Robin said Anastasia probably beat her. Scarlett definitely beat her. Howard said it must be tough to find a bra to fit those things. Scarlet said it was tough.
Howard talked to the girls about how big their boobs were and how they got them. They all claimed they were natural. Sabina said happy birthday to her mom. Howard said she had just talked about shitting on a guy.
Howard had Sabina go first and jump up and down. Josh told her to do jumping jacks with her arms held at her side. Howard asked how many members he has for this. Josh said he has about 100 at the moment but he hopes to grow it. He said he is working to grow up his dream. He said that the jumping jacks were isometric jumping jacks. He said this was all designed for the bouncing boobs. Howard said he didn't want her to hurt her boobs so he had her stop after a few seconds. Howard said it looked like it was painful. She said it was but in a good way. Robin said it looked horrible.
Howard had Scarlet go next. Josh said that she's got larger breasts so he was going to have her just jumping straight up and down. She did that and then told Howard when she did her shoot with Josh she was doing it for like 6 hours. Howard said that's insane.
Howard TV showed the replay of Scarlet doing her thing. Howard said he couldn't do that for 2 minutes, never mind 6 hours.
Howard asked Josh what he wanted Anastasia to do. Josh told her to do some jogging. Anastasia did that with her arms at her side. She said she only did about 2 hours of that for Josh. She said her boobs hurt after that. She said it was a rough plane ride home.
Josh told Howard that this was the epitome of the Josh Girls. He said this is what he has going on with his web site. One of the girls said that he pays better than many of the hard core sties. Howard asked one of the girls how many guys she's had sex with. One said maybe 25, another said about 35 in the last 2 years. Howard asked if it's tough to make love to a man after that. One of the girls said it wasn't hard for her.
Howard said he's not into this jumping up and down thing but if he was he'd probably want them in a Darth Nihilus mask.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if there is any profit in this. Josh said he's working to establish his brand name. Ralph said this is a waste of money and no one is going to pay to see this. Josh said that this is a bouncing boob fetish. Josh said he doesn't charge a lot for what he does. He said that it's $25 to start. Ralph burst out laughing. Ralph said there is so much free stuff on the web. Josh said that no one else is doing this kind of thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Josh sounds like David Letterman. Josh said he has gotten that from some people. Another caller said he was thinking he sounds like Richard Christy slowed down so it's even creepier. Josh said he has no problem with people thinking he's creepy because he loves what he's doing.
Another caller said that Gary has to get some real guests in there. He said this guy has to go. The guy said he'd watch Jimmy Kimmel's old show if he wanted to see the girls bouncing.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked which of the girls would get on the Sybian. Howard said he did have one if they wanted to try. Sabina was willing to give it a try. Howard told her not to shit on it. Will asked if the girls could make a slapping sound. That was Sabina. She did that a little bit but there wasn't much sound there.
Sabina got on the Sybian and Howard told him to jack it up to 35 percent right away. Howard told her to let the poison out. Jeff told her not to shit please. Sabina said she's usually a penetration kind of girl but she'd give this a try. She moaned her way to an orgasm after about a minute. She said it was like a pre-orgasm. She said she can't have one without penetration. She said that there are many levels of orgasms for women. She said the ultimate is the heroin level.
Gary asked the other girls if they wanted to try. No one else wanted to so Howard wrapped up and gave everyone plugs. None of them had anything to plug other than Josh though. He said the site has been up since October of last year and it's the only site out there dedicated to this type of thing. Howard said he's not shocked by that. He gave Josh another plug for JoshGirls.com and went to break.
Howard came back and talked about the Black Crowes and Kate Hudson for a minute. He said that Chris Robinson must have gotten sick of Kate. He said that whole Kate Hudson family looks like a pain in the ass. He said that Goldie Hawn is probably a pain in the ass too. He said it must be fun to hang out with them though. He said they must have a lot of famous friends to hang out with.
Howard said he thinks he could have had Kate Hudson before he met Beth. Howard said she did talk to him for a while at a party. He said that means that she wanted him in his mind.
Howard said he had a lot of stuff to get to but he had to end the show on time. He said he had some email to go through. He said one person wrote that Robin was tweeting as soon as the show ended. Robin said she did not do that. She said she had too much to do yesterday. Robin said she was answering some people's questions. She said she didn't have much to say.
Howard read some email that they got for Robin about her marathon run. Someone wrote about how Robin is going to have trouble if she doesn't train right. The writer said he projectile vomited at the end of 8 of the marathons he ran. Howard said that if Robin drops dead in the marathon, he's not doing the show anymore.
Howard said he got some feedback about Hattie from yesterday's show. Someone suggested they get Dave Lampert in there to help Hattie ride the Sybian.
Howard said he loves Jillian Barberie. He said that Greg Fitzsimmons was calling her a slut and a bitch in his promos. Howard said someone wrote in about it and Greg had explained it to Jillian but he didn't like the explanation. Howard said the guy says that he should apologize to Jillian about it. Howard said Tim Sabean heard that and said it was a good interview.
JD said he pulled the audio of Greg and Jillian talking about that. Howard played the clip and Greg brought up the promo that he did and explained why he called her a ''slutty guest'' and a ''bitch.'' Howard said it didn't sound that offensive. He didn't think that Jillian was offended at all. Benjy said maybe she was just going along with it. Howard said Benjy is always the guy to say something different.
Steve said there are pro bowlers who are happy with Scott showing up at the event. Howard said he bets that Scott won't have a good day. He'll end up being the losers's loser as always. He said that Scott isn't going to beat anyone. He said he heard that Richie Wilson beats Scott all the time. He said he should be sending Richie out there.
Steve said they have a story about Jackie being upset that Vinnie Favale didn't pick up the bill at dinner one night. Howard said Jackie has never picked up one check at dinner in his life. Howard said Jackie should have stuck with this show and he would have been wined and dined. Howard said Vinnie takes a bus to work so he probably doesn't have an expense account. Howard said Vinnie put up 80 grand of his own money for that play of his (Hereafter) too so he's 80 grand in the hole.
Steve said they haven't heard a word about Robin getting kicked out of the U.S. Open the other day. He said they're still trying to find someone who has direct knowledge of what went on there that night. Contact the news department if you have any information.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down what they were going to try and cover today. Howard asked Jon if they could have Steve Brandano and Jason arguing about music again today. Jon said he thinks that they can fit that in.
Steve Brandano was in with his Intern Show preview. He said they're going to talk to the interns about the questions that they're afraid to ask Gary. He said one of the interns wanted to ask Gary to sign a baseball. He said that's how the whole concept came up. Howard said Gary threw that ball out at the Mets game and it's insulting to ask him to sign a baseball. Steve said he agrees but they're going to talk to the interns about stuff like that. Gary said he really doesn't care about signing a ball. He said that people used to ask him before he even threw that pitch.
Robin started her news with a story about Billy Ray Cyrus returning to TV with his son Trace with a reality show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if this is the kind of guest they're going to have on the show when he leaves satellite. Howard said he was interested in those guests. The guy didn't want to hear the fat chicks bouncing. Howard didn't want to get into it so he let the guy go and had Robin get back into her news.
Robin asked Howard to name the people in the band Buffalo Springfield. Howard named a bunch but he was wrong with a few. Howard said he knew that Steven Stills and Neil Young were in it. Robin said that some of the members have died but there are a few still around. She said that they're going to perform at a benefit show. They played some of their music and talked about how great Neil Young was. Vinnie Favale called in to talk to him about that. He was correcting them on who was in that band and other bands.
Robin said that Christmas displays may be hitting stores early this year because the economy is doing so bad. She said they may even start showing up before Halloween.
Robin read a story about a book that's coming out about Lady Gaga. She had some details about that book and what they say about her.
Ralph called in and asked Howard to please stop talking about music before it becomes an awful 25 minute discussion on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he was criticizing Gary over it first thing this morning. Ralph said he loves that show but he had to tune out while they talked about that stuff. Ralph said that those guys are all very opinionated about music.
Howard said he heard that 25 minute discussion and told the guys that it was just too much. He said he nipped that in the bud. He said Gary got defensive and said that the callers wanted to talk about that stuff. Ralph said that there might be pressure there because he got off the air so early. Howard said he's supposed to be off the air at 10 so he's not sure what to do. Ralph said he should get off the air at 10 just to see what happens. Howard said that's what he's trying to do. He said he has meetings.
Robin got back to her news and read about that Lady Gaga book some more and Howard said he's been the subject of a few unauthorized biographies and they got nothing right in them. He said that could be the case with Lady Gaga.
Robin read a story about a guy who was run over by a truck after he stabbed a woman and dumped her body in the woods. Robin said it was almost like immediate retribution. She said that was almost like a Twilight Zone kind of thing. Howard said that wasn't enough of a twist for a Twilight Zone story. Howard told her that a Twilight Zone kind of story would be if the guy raped a woman and got run over by the ambulance that was bringing the woman to the hospital. Robin said she thinks it's sort of the same thing. Howard said Jason and Steve Brandano can argue over that on the Wrap Up Show today. Fred did his impressions of Steve and Jason arguing about that.
Robin read that the head of the Jets is apologizing to the Mexican reporter who claimed she was being harassed by the players. Robin said that she felt uncomfortable when they were hooting and hollering at her at the game last Saturday. Howard said the woman has said she wasn't that upset by it. He said she's a beautiful woman who got some attention at the game. That's it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin if she's thrown out her fat clothes yet. Howard said he's had it with the awful cell phones today. He asked Robin if she has thrown them out. Robin said she has weeded out a lot of her clothes. Howard said Robin was looking good yesterday. He said she looks great. Robin said Chuck Zito said she looked good the other day when she ran into him in the lobby. Howard said that would be the ultimate man for Robin to bang. Robin said that he might be too much of a man for her.
Robin read a story about a trial that was under way for a convicted drunk driver who killed an Angles baseball player. Robin said that they're saying that he didn't commit murder. Howard said they should cut him in half. Robin said they say that his blood alcohol level was more than twice the limit when he hit the other car. Robin wondered if a drunk driver is a murderer when he's in a crash while inebriated. Howard said yes. He said that it's the worst kind of murder too. He said everyone has been educated and drunk people should be responsible for not getting behind the wheel. Howard said it is absolutely murder in his eyes. He said that's the only way they're going to stop drunk driving. Howard said he won't even have one drink if he's driving.
Robin said that Jennifer Lopez is going to be a judge on American Idol. they're delaying the announcement because she wants it to coincide with her new album release. Howard said he finds it odd that she's taking that job. He said the same thing about Steven Tyler. He said he must be sick and tired of being in Aerosmith.
Howard said he had a tape of Ellen Degeneres talking to Ryan Seacrest about why she wasn't on Idol anymore. He said she puts a whole spin on the story. In the clip Ryan was talking to Ellen on the phone on his radio show. Ryan asked Ellen what was going on. Ellen was telling him her side of the story and Ryan was laughing with what Howard felt was a phony laugh. Ellen went on to say that the show wasn't for her and for her to joke around about these kids wasn't right. Howard said she's full of it. He said she knew what the job was when she took it. Ellen said they want to be praised and she found it difficult to watch them have their dreams shattered on national TV. Ellen was saying that her first day was a tough day. Howard said she's just lying. He said she got fired and this is her spin on the story. Howard said she was talking about how she was going to be helping pick out the new judges for the next season. Howard said her job was to judge and it doesn't matter who was there. Howard said she wasn't making sense and she was obviously lying about why she's not there. He said her story didn't make any sense. She was all over the place with the explanation.
Howard said that was a meaningless explanation. Howard said he remembers when Ellen came out and said she'd be a good judge. He had tape of that too. He played the audio of Ellen on her own show talking about why she'll be a good judge because she's been judged her whole life. Howard said you can't be a judge and pretend to love everyone. He said that's just not possible. Robin said Paula Abdul did that for years. Howard said Simon Cowell is the only one that anyone cared about. He did that job right. Howard had to read a live commercial after that and then they went to break.
After the break Robin read about the one year anniversary of Patrick Swayze's death. Robin had an update from Patrick's wife who is working to raise awareness about pancreatic cancer. Not too many people survive that type of cancer.
Robin read about some of the results from the primaries held around the country. Robin read that the Tea Party has had a few victories so she read about those.
Robin read about some of the voting machines that have been having problems. Howard said he read about one guy who went to put in his votes and the woman there was arguing that there was no republican primary there but the guy insisted it was. He said the form he had didn't fit in the machine either but the woman there was arguing about that as well. Howard said the guy figured his vote was never counted. Howard said everyone says you have to go out and vote but no one knows what's going on.
Robin read about how thousands of Afghans have been protesting Americans. Howard said he's had it with that. He said we really need to be the America they think we are and go out and invade these countries. He said we should just nuke that country already.
Robin read about NY Mets Francisco Rodriguez going to court over the fight he had with his father-in-law at the stadium recently.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that if he took a year off at the end of the year then he could do a ''Where are they Now'' type of TV show. Howard wasn't sure how that would work but he said he's not sure he'd want to do that.
Robin read about a corn refiners association that's trying to change the name of corn syrup to corn sugar to stop the confusion with high fructose corn syrup.
Jeff said that's fine, he won't ask for money. Howard said it can't make him feel good. Jeff said it doesn't. Howard asked what keeps him locked in this lifestyle where he won't go out and take care of his own needs. Jeff said he was thinking. Howard said he's not being a dick to him. He said he's curious about what's attractive about that life. Jeff said he is being a dick to him. Howard said he's just trying to understand.
Howard asked Jeff if he would let a man fuck him in the ass for $10,000. Jeff said no. Howard said that's because he doesn't like it so what does he like about this life he has now where he has to ask for money. He said there must be something charming about being dependant on others or he wouldn't do it.
Jeff said he guesses it's nothing. Howard said he has to like it somehow. He wouldn't be doing it if he didn't like it. He said Jeff likes to be a baby in a blanket and being snuggled. Fred threw in a baby crying sound effect. Howard asked Jeff what he likes about asking for money. Jeff said nothing. Howard said that's a lie. Jeff said he didn't want to get into it with him. Howard told him to come on and talk. He said he's asking a simple question about what part of him loves being dependant with him. Jeff didn't have an answer.
Howard said he struggles with that in his life as well. He gets dependant with others as well. He said he thinks it feels like love to him. Jeff said ''Exactly.'' Howard asked Jeff why he does it. Jeff didn't know. Howard tried to figure it out and said that maybe this is the only way he feels he can get love. Jeff has to stay tethered to people to feel love. Jeff said that might be it. Howard asked Jeff if he would eat Sal and Richard's excrement for $20,000. He said he wouldn't. Jeff said he would fly with balloons. Robin said Jeff thinks that it's everyone else's fault that he can't do anything because of his arm. Gary said Jeff thinks that he'll fail if he tries to do anything. Jeff said he knows he'll fail. Howard said he's just afraid to grow up. Howard told him that when he comes up with the answer, that's the cure. He said it won't be easy though.
Robin said that maybe he should get the $711 if he can figure it out. Howard said it's not that easy. JD came in and said that Jeff always fails to do his job when he gets paid to do stuff. He said he didn't hand out the flyers that they gave him to give out. Jeff said he did too. Gary said Artie told him they found those flyers in the garbage. Jeff said he handed them out.
Howard said Jeff is better than this. He said he believes in him. Jeff said ''Yeah, right.'' Howard said he really is and he doesn't have to spend the rest of his life asking for $711. Howard said he can do it and he's better than this.
Tim Stack called in and said that Jeff would be great on Celebrity Rehab. He said that one call to Dr. Drew and he'd probably be in. Howard said it's about time Tim has had a good idea. Howard said Tim was the star of ''Son of the Beach.'' He's also writing for the new show ''Raising Hope'' which starts next Tuesday.
Howard asked Jeff if he would go on Celebrity Rehab. Jeff said he would. Gary said he'd make the call. He knows they have a season booked but they might have another season coming up soon. He told Jeff that he's going to have to give up drinking and give Dr. Drew answers to questions like Howard is asking. Howard said he had to go but Jeff asked if he had that money. Howard said he really doesn't.
Gary said they gave Wendy the Retard some money last week and she's threatening to rob a bank if she doesn't get it soon. She was also saying that she might punch herself in the face if it doesn't get there soon. Howard said he has to talk to her now.
Robin read a story about a woman who was accused of beating her son and making him eat his own excrement after he shit in his closet. Robin had audio of some guy talking about the case.
Robin read about Jimmy Smits returning to a TV show. Howard wondered where they dug him up. Robin said he was on Dexter a couple of seasons ago. Robin said he'll be on a new show called ''Outlaw.'' Robin had some audio of him talking about that. They ended the show around 10:40am.
Gary said that he was a little defensive. He said that Howard said it may have gone a little too long yesterday. He doesn't think it was more than 20 minutes. Jon said it was about 20 give or take. Gary said he told Howard he brought it back to him but then Howard said he doesn't think the show has to be all about him. He said he found that a little weird. Gary said they may have gotten off topic yesterday too much.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about Ralph's comments about the show. Gary said he's just a hopper on. He said that you'd think he'd understand now that Ralph has his own radio show (Geektime) there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought that segment was good yesterday. He said he likes to hear stuff like that. They talked about some of the people they've had on the Wrap Up Show to talk about their music like Gina Gershon and how that just didn't work. Gary said he thinks he got the most feedback about that from Artie.
The caller said that Jon wasn't being very nice to Sal yesterday. He said he was trying to trip him up or trick him. Jon said he wasn't trying to do that. He said that's the kind of conversation they have all the time.
Gary said he didn't know that Josh was drunk when he got in there. He said he wondered if he was a slow adult but the guys told him that he was drunk. Jon had a clip from the beginning of the segment where Robin picked up on something being up with Josh.
Jon said that Josh loves watching women jumping up and down and he wants to translate that into dollar signs. He did it for the love of it and not for the money.
Benjy said he likes that the guy has so much passion and he started that web site. He said that's impressive to him. He said that there are other people they've had on the show that have impressed him in that way too. He said they had one guy on the show who created charcoal panties for his wife because she had horrible gas. He said that's pretty cool.
Jon asked the guys if they got off on the bouncing. Gary said no one in the office was but he doesn't know what Sal thought. He said that there was some degrading there so Sal might be into that. Teddy said that JD might have been into it. He said that JD may have liked the Sybian ride. Gary said he realized that he hadn't been in there to give a Sybian ride in a long time. He said that she definitely busted a nut too.
Jon asked how the girls stacked up against Robin. Gary said that the first girl was a tiny bit smaller than Robin. He said they might be about the same. Benjy said that his head went to the time Robin flashed and figured it was close. Gary said that he once saw Robin naked but only from behind. He said they did a bit for one of their tapes they put out and Robin got naked... but it wasn't really Robin. They had a white woman with brown put on her breasts who showed her breasts instead of Robin. Gary said there are a lot of fans who really thought it was Robin too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the phone calls they take on the show and how that steers the show. Jon said they screen the calls so they can talk about the subject they're on.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks Josh's web site can succeed. Benjy said he has like 100 guys subscribing at $25 a month so he must be doing okay. Benjy said that he could get another 100 from today. Benjy said he's not sure how often he refreshes the content though. Gary said that he's obviously over paying according to what the girls were saying about him paying very well.
Jon said that there were some interesting stories from the girls. He asked Gary what he thought about them. Gary said that he can't imagine the one girl shitting on the boyfriend and how that conversation went down. Benjy said he doesn't like that kind of thing and if he knew a girl had done it, he'd have a problem with it. He said it would be hard to get that image out of his head.
Jon asked if anyone there gets off on that kind of thing. Gary said he doesn't know. The guys brought up Sal again and said that he might be up for something like that. Gary said he can't even watch that Two Girls, One Cup video or even watch anyone who is gagging watching it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Fred seems to be turning into Jackie when he laughs at his own jokes. He said Howard made a comment back to Fred after he said a joke about something. Gary said he doesn't think Fred is like that at all. Benjy said Fred did write the joke that the caller is talking about. He said that Fred laughs at his stuff too though. He said Fred really found it funny and that was his reaction to it.
Benjy said he has a laugh that he's been working on. He said his dad told him to come up with it so that's what he uses. He said he doesn't think Fred is doing that though.
Shuli was in and said that Jeff doesn't have a lot of people to turn to for help. He said he's afraid to try things. He said that there are other Wack Packers out there who are pro active and Jeff just isn't like that. He said there are plenty of people who will help Jeff out but he just doesn't do it.
Jon said maybe Jeff just enjoys doing as little as possible. Gary said that's called lazy. Jon said that Jeff does get the money sometimes so why stop being that way. Gary said that comes up with a lot of Wack Packers. Gary said that they ask them if they went off the air tomorrow then what would they do? They never have an answer. They don't know what they're going to do.
Shuli said that Jeff asks him if they have any gigs coming up and it's just not his responsibility to put him on gigs. Gary said that Howard had a good point when he was asking if he just wanted to be his own guy. Shuli said that it's kind of their fault too. They're enablers for Jeff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Wack Packers are always trying to get stuff from the show. He said that's like Eric the Midget and his whole Fringe thing. He said he'd like to know what they do with their money. Gary said he doesn't know what they do with it but Jeff the Drunk has quit smoking so he must have more money now. He said he assumes that he'd want to spend his money on cigarettes and booze. Gary said around Christmas he wants to buy people gifts.
Tim said it was nice to be recognized for what they do there. He said it's an international award and it's nice to get the nod that their work is above and beyond other people's work.
Gary asked about the group that gave out the award. Tim said they've been around for 54 years so they are well established.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Howard talking to Tim about the $345 award dinner. That's where Tim was saying it was a prestigious award and then said that it's like a scam when they ask for money.
Tim said this is not a ''scam'' but it is a business. Jason asked if they had to pay for the nomination. Tim said they had to pay for the entry. they have to do that for Emmy's and awards like that. The statues cost $595 if you want more than the one they give you. They do that with other award shows too.
Jason asked what other shows they were up against. Tim said he didn't know. Jason also pointed out that it's not really an awards show since they already know they won. Tim seemed to ignore that comment. He was busy admiring the picture of the award that he was showing off to the guys.
Jason said that he was looking at this thing and they give awards for advertising, film and radio and he's never heard anyone bragging about getting one of these awards. Tim said he hasn't either but it's nice to be recognized. Benjy joked that at the bottom it said ''Sabean Productions.''
Gary looked at last year's winners and Gayle King was on the list. SIRIUS has won a lot of awards too. He said they won for a Bill Bradley show. They had a bunch for Bill Bradley. Jason had the nominees for this year too. He read through that list and it was networks like Radio Free Asia, CBC, BFBS and others. Jason said that was just the finalists in the category they were in. no one was sure how the picked the winners. Shuli said it was the first one to get a check to them.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Jeff again and said that he always asks for money when he calls in. He said it's hard enough to call in and get on the air and that guy is always asking for money. He said they seem to have a fast track line in on the show but they just ask for money.
Shuli said he used to feel bad for Wendy when she'd call in about money. He said he had a conversation with her about fans sending in cans so she could save up and spend money on food. She's always got something she needs money for.
Benjy said that Artie used to give the Wack Packers money. He asked if anyone else has. Shuli said he gave High Pitch Eric like 60 bucks once. He said a year an a half later he threatened to climb him and beat him if he didn't pay him back. He said he finally got it out of him after that.
Gary said he had spoken to Sal about investing in some stocks in the Stock Market. He said he spoke to Sal off the air and he filled out the form for him and gave him all of this information and then felt really gross about it. He said he didn't know why he was giving money to a guy who calls him a horse tooth jackass. He said he never did give him the money. He wasn't even returning Sal's phone calls.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was a judge in that group that they won the award from. He said that it is totally a business. He said that it's a marketing thing. He said they do it to make money. They give out the awards just to make money. The guy said that they had a screening room set up and there were about 6 people there. Everyone watches TV and they see the categories and watch movies and listen to events for an hour or two and walk out.
Gary said that they're being legitimately judged though, right? The caller said that's true. Jon said that they're not trying to take anything away from the Tapes Team for what they do.
Gary said he's not sure there really is a legitimate award for radio. He said that they don't have anything like the Emmy's for radio. He said that maybe the Peabody award or something like that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon moved on to talk about Richard Christy and how he was talking to Howard about his future and about Peter North. Richard came in and said that he was talking about going back to being an electrician if Howard leaves. He said you never know what could happen. Gary asked Richard who he'd want to go and work for if Howard can't take him with him. He said he'd like to work with Jimmy Kimmel or someone like that. He said he'd like to act too. He said this job is very steady. Acting and playing drums isn't so steady.
Shuli said it would be funny if he went to work for Letterman and came out with his cock painted like Alec Baldwin when he's a guest on the show.
Richard said that he and his fiancee are trying to plan their wedding and honeymoon so it's very tricky right now. He's not sure what he'll be doing next summer. He may not have a job with Howard. Gary said he doesn't even know what he'll be doing. He said that it's tough to make any plans. Jon said he's got the same problem trying to plan his vacation with his wife Debbie. Benjy said he thinks that's the first time Jon has mentioned his wife's name.
Benjy asked Richard if he has his guest list for his wedding. Richard said they're working on that and they have put together a quick one. He said they went through their phone and contact lists. It's at about 200 right now but they may whittle it down. He said they were on the fence about High Pitch Eric. He said he was just kidding about that a second later.
Richard said he put everybody there on the list. He said he's going to have to see how it goes though. He said it's hard not to offend anyone. Richard said a lot of his family lives in Kansas so he'll invite his parents and sister and the rest will have a party back there in Kansas.
Jon asked Richard if he expects Howard and Beth to show up. Richard said that it'll be in Manhattan so it might be easy for him. Gary said he thinks that he'd show up and so would Robin. Richard said he won't be offended if people don't show up. He said he's fine with it if they can't make it. Richard said the wedding won't be religious. They're just going to have a big party.
Jon took a call from a guy who did an impression of Richard talking about shooting ropes. That led to Shuli asking him what the worst tasting load was that he had. Richard said he never tasted a load. He said he did get his load all over his couch once though. Richard had some details about that and how he used to hold off on jerking off for a long time once in a while. He said he held off from doing it when they were in Amsterdam one time and he had to fight his hand off on the flight home.
Richard said he thinks that Jon would shoot huge loads since he doesn't jerk off. Benjy said he finds it to be the opposite. He said when he jerks off a lot it shoots out stronger.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard if any Wack Packers will be at the wedding. Sal is one of the guys so Gary pointed that out. Yucko might be at the wedding. Shuli said Yucko isn't as much of a Wack Packer as some people. Gary said that he's more of a Wack Packer than anything else. Gary said he knows he used to be a comedian.
Benjy asked if Gary the Retard will be there. Richard said he won't be there. Benjy said that Hank the Dwarf was at Doug Goodstein's wedding. Gary said they were very close so that's different. Richard said he would have invited Blue Iris if she was still alive. He said they used to go out to dinner a lot. Richard said that he will invite George Takei and Brad. Richard said they talked about going on a big trip together for the honeymoon.
Ralph called in and asked Richard about the date he has set and if he should maybe hold off on setting a date. Richard said he's not sure how long he can wait because you need to book about a year in advance. Ralph said if he doesn't have a job then he can't get married. Richard said they can still get married. He said that they have arranged it so it won't be that expensive. Ralph said he should be able to get something booked at the last minute.
Ralph asked how long they have to decide. Gary said they have about 3 months left to find out. He said on Friday it'll be exactly 3 months.
Ralph asked when Howard is going to say something. Gary said Howard will say when he knows. Ralph said he hopes he doesn't wait until just a month before. He said people will start freaking out. Gary said people are freaking out already. Everyone is nervous wondering what Howard is going to do. Shuli said it's scary because they don't know what's going to happen.
Gary asked Ralph what he's going to do. Ralph said he's not worried about it right now. He said he's got money saved up and he can cover his rent for at least a year. He said he just has to worry about food and rent and he's set.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin is really going crazy and she might be having a breakdown. He said she's buys with this marathon run and all of this other stuff. He said he heard Robin started talking over Howard when he was talking about going to the party that Tom Cruise was at. He said that she seems to be desperate for attention. Benjy asked what this breakdown means and what could happen. The caller said that there's something going on there and she's clearly not cured from whatever her mental problems are.
Gary said that Robin has always tried new stuff for years and it never comes to a head like this caller is saying. Jon said that she's been pretty consistent for as long as he can remember. Gary said that nothing is coming crashing down.
Shuli said maybe Robin is just living her life to the fullest and she's just trying new things. Gary said she's always done that. Gary said Robin does what she wants.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Richard's bachelor party and who he'd like there. Richard wanted some wrestlers there. The caller also said that Jeff the Drunk has provided amazing air time for Howard and for him to pick on him is wrong. He said Jeff isn't going to say he likes being unemployed. Gary said he uses Jeff as an example all the time and he's capable of working but he chooses not to. The caller said he thinks Howard was badgering the guy today. He said it sounded disingenuous to do that at this point in his career. Jon said he thinks it was a great path of questioning for him. He said he thought it was pretty interesting. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about how he has an empty seat this morning so he has to fire Benjy. He said that he's got to at least throw him off of the Wrap Up Show. Robin said he just got back on two days ago. Howard said he's like Dad around there and he hates that aspect of the job. Howard said he really does hate that. Robin asked if he thinks that something really went wrong. Howard said if he was in a car accident then he's okay.
Howard asked Robin what he should do. Robin said that he's not being too harsh at all. Howard said he's not sure what Benjy is thinking. He said he must have many other job offers. Robin said he's just irresponsible. Howard said he told him to get there a half hour early. He said he just can't do that apparently. Howard said you have to do whatever you have to do to hold onto a job in this economy. Howard said Benjy thinks he's kidding around. He said he doesn't want to fire the guy.
Robin said if he fires him then he might be hurting himself. He's only got a few more moths there. Howard said he doesn't mind hurting himself. Robin said maybe he can write from outside the studio and keep him off the Wrap Up Show again.
Howard said he's going to do anything he can except fire him. He said he's not sure where he is. Robin said maybe he just stayed home thinking he's fired.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he can't fire him. He said that he has given him so many chances. Howard said it's just ridiculous. He said he must have a mental illness. Howard said he thinks it's almost like death by cop. He must not want to be there anymore but he can't tear himself away. He said that really upsets him because he doesn't like firing people. Howard said when you want something then you show up on time.
The caller said that bowling is not a sport either. He said anyone can throw a ball down an alley and knock down pins. Howard said that it is just as much of a sport as baseball and games like that. Howard said you have to be consistent when you play and it is a skill. He said it's no different than Golf.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Benjy probably heard the opening song of Jon Bon Jovi singing ''Help'' at the start of the show and jumped off a building. The guy said he hated the song. Howard didn't even know what song he was talking about. Howard had Fred replay it since he didn't hear it. Robin said she liked it and said it was a beautiful version of the song. The caller was also saying that Benjy is just crying out and he's only been on the Wrap Up Show for 3 days.
Gary said Benjy just got there and he ran straight to the bathroom. He said he might have a kit he has set up for late mornings and he may come out with fake blood on his face. Howard said that Benjy has done it to him again and now he has to deal with this.
Howard asked Benjy what he wants him to do. He said he must not want this job. Howard asked why he has to be the bad guy and why he can't just quit. Howard said he obviously wants to move on and now he's embarrassed him on the air by not firing him. Howard said he's okay with calling it quits.
Benjy said he doesn't want to quit. Howard said he has to come up with another punishment. Howard said Benjy just kept cutting it closer and closer and now he's late. Howard asked what he's supposed to do.
Benjy said he hit the snooze button and he didn't get up on time. Howard said all he does is ask him to be there on time. He doesn't ask him to stay late. He doesn't ask him to do anything extra there. He has a cush fuckin' job. Howard said the guy is just fuckin with him. Howard said if he re-signs there he's going to have to fire Benjy and hire someone more reliable. He said that's only if they re-sign there which he said would be a miracle.
Howard said everyone gets to work on time except for Benjy. Howard said he can't remember being late. Fred and Robin haven't been late. Fred said he was late once. Howard said he wouldn't even approach Fred about that. Robin said she had some experience where she was late a few times. She put herself on probation and stopped going out so late. Howard said Benjy lives blocks away. He said he shouldn't be late.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. Howard told Benjy he can't write in the studio anymore. He said he has to stay off the Wrap Up Show for the rest of the time they're there. Howard said he really doesn't enjoy this and he's making him look like an asshole. Howard said he doesn't know what to do.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do so he asked Benjy what he would do if he was him. Benjy said he doesn't know what he would do. Howard said he has told him over and over again not to show up late. Now he's spending the first half hour of the show on this and he doesn't want to deal with it. Howard said he had things he wanted to get to this morning. Howard said he was going to play staff impression contest entries. Now he's spending 30 minutes talking to Benjy about being late.
Howard said he's really not good at confrontation. He said he was listening to the Intern Show and he was going to talk about that this morning. He said he was going to have Gary tell Steve about some things he could do different but he told Gary to tell him instead. Howard said that's how much he hates confrontation.
Howard said Benjy is giving him mixed signals. He said he can't do this. Howard told him that he has to stop with this routine because it drives him nuts. It's really disrespectful to him to show up late. Howard said all he's asking is that he show up for four and a half hours. That's it. Howard said he should have read two newspapers by now. Howard said he should be there 45 minutes early to prepare for the show. Howard said if he worked for any other show, they get in way before the boss. Howard said they come up with ideas and jokes before the boss is there.
Howard told Benjy to go that extra mile. He said he's really not putting any effort into it. Howard said he's done doing this crap. Howard said he couldn't deal with Jackie anymore either and that's where this is going. Robin said he should fire him then. Howard said he thinks that Benjy really doesn't want this job. Howard said he's too much of a wimp when it comes to this stuff. It breaks his heart to fire the guy but he obviously doesn't want this job.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he shouldn't torment himself so much. Howard said he can't help it. The caller said he drives a truck for a living. Howard said he wishes that Benjy had to do that for a week to see how great he has it. Howard said he wishes that Benjy was up late writing jokes last night but that's just not happening.
Howard said he gets there on time and he's the one that could actually fuck off. He said that Jackie was the guy who would walk off the show and leave them sitting there holding the show together just so he'd have a job when he came back. Howard said he never saw what Robin was talking about. He said it finally hit him though and he saw what Jackie was really doing.
Howard said he wasn't able to find a newspaper this morning when he got there. He was scrambling around looking for one. He said he thought about that and how he always gave SIRIUS his best while he was there. He said he's been there 5 years and he's always prepared and has performed well. He takes pride in his job. Howard said Benjy could say he gets paid a lot of money but he's always been into his job even when he was getting next to nothing working at radio stations. Howard said he was on the radio in Westchester and he took pride in that. He said Benjy just doesn't do that. The caller said he takes pride in his job too. He said he drives a gasoline truck and he has to get the gas to the gas stations because they rely on him. Howard said he respects the caller for that. He said he doesn't care what a man does for work. If you have a job then you do it the best you can. He said you can't just take money for nothing.
Howard said he's never asked Benjy to do anything for the show. He doesn't have to stay late or anything like that. Howard said he's very loyal to people and there are a lot of people out there who would love to be working for this show. Howard said every show has writers and they shuffle them around and fire people all the time. Howard said Letterman always has new people writing over there. Howard said they're ready to replace them if they don't put out. He respects them for that.
Howard said Benjy doesn't even has a resume. He hasn't written anything for anyone else. Howard said he's just breaking his balls... ''the fuck.'' Howard said he's not sure why he keeps getting into this. He said he shouldn't even keep him around. He should fire him.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He took a call from a woman who said she doesn't get to listen much. She said she's heard this same conversation about 5 times. She said he doesn't deserve that much time on the air. Howard said he knows. He said he was talking to Kidd Chris about how he feels bad about letting people go from his show and that's how he's going to feel if he has to let people go. Howard said they have a pretty reliable job there and they get renewed every 5 years. This is the kind of job that people dream of. Howard said Jackie thought he could go write for a million shows but he never did. Howard said maybe Benjy thinks he can do that too. Howard said he bets Benjy has tried to get other jobs. He said maybe he should be trying to move on. Howard said he bets he's failed at getting other jobs. Now he's fucking him over showing up late.
Howard asked Benjy if he sees what he's doing to him. He said he's not joking about this. He said that Benjy is fucking him over and he hates him for this. Howard asked what the fuck is wrong with him and what he wants him to do with him. Benjy didn't have an answer for him.
King of all Blacks called in and said that Benjy sounds like he's sitting there getting off on this. Howard said he is. Howard said this is now his problem. He asked Gary if he has a spot for Benjy to sit at writing jokes. Gary said they were setting it up now. Howard said he feels bad but he has to send Benjy out of the studio to write.
Howard said he got into radio so he didn't have to be nauseous going to work. He said he hated that feeling on Sunday nights thinking about going to school. He said it was like torture. Howard said he had to go to school and get beat up, choked and all of that. He said he's not a warrior like Chuck Zito. Howard said he's just not that guy and every day his parents put him into that situation. He said that was all backwards and he was supposed to be ''the man'' and he was the one who should have beating up the black kids. Howard said he was stuck in that shitty school and finally got out of it and went to another school where they thought he was nuts. He had to take drugs to self medicate. Howard said he's still fucking up every day and he's stuck in a nightmare. Howard said he has a pretty decent job and it's supposed to be stress free. Now he has this clown.
Howard said he's got Benjy making things bad for him and there are other people there who are making it tough for him. Howard said he got out of there yesterday and tried to go see his daughter out on Long Island. Howard said he gave himself 2 hours to get out there and he was cutting it too close.
Howard said he will do anything for the people who work for him but this guy is just pissing on him. He said he's trying to keep this job going but this guy is just pissing on him.
Benjy said there are lots of times that they haven't gotten along well. Howard asked what the fuck he's talking about. Benjy said that he's always said that Howard is the most loyal, supportive person. He said he really hasn't looked into other jobs. He said he loves working there. Howard told him to just go look for girls on Craigslist. He said Benjy is a bullshit artist. Howard asked what he's supposed to do with him and how is he supposed to punish him. Benjy thinks that he should give him a financial fine. Howard said he can't do that. He said he's not going to come up with some calculation.
King was making noise on the phone because he was busy making his lunch. King said that he's going into work early this morning. Benjy told Howard to fine him $1,000 every time he's late. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said he doesn't have a pot to piss in and he's not going to fine him. Howard said maybe he should change his hours. Howard said he can't take money from Benjy. Benjy said it would be him wasting the money. Howard said he's not going to do it.
Howard said he's brilliant at pegging people and he knows Benjy. He said he was able to read his mother's mood. He said he can read anyone and he has Benjy pegged. Benjy said he isn't right about that. He said he might resent him about some things but that's not why he's late. Howard said Benjy is the king of passive aggressive. Howard said he gives Benjy the same vacation schedule as he has. Howard said no 40 year old man has that kind of vacation schedule. Howard said Benjy should be there working on Fridays but he's not. He said he's a pushover and he lets Benjy take Fridays off.
Benjy said he doesn't resent his success. He said there are times that he categorizes him in a mean way and he keeps portraying that image. Howard gave him some ''Wah, wah, wah'' and said he's late, that's all there is to it. He said that Benjy leaves at noon every day and he's a bullshit artist. Craig Gass said that Howard also busts everyone else's balls there and they don't show up late. Howard said that's right, they all show up on time except for Benjy. Howard said he has no problem with anyone but Benjy.
Benjy said he doesn't have resentment about him getting upset about him being late. He said he has other resentment. Howard said Benjy is trying to tell him something but he's not a real man. A real man would tell him what his problem is. Howard said if this was torture for Benjy then he wouldn't show up late. He said he'd be there at 2 in the morning if he told him he'd put a bullet in his head.
Howard said Benjy lies about his age too and he does that because he's like a little kid. He doesn't want to grow up and move forward. Howard said this is a game he's playing and he's not sure what the message is. Robin said he's communicating and there is anger there. She didn't know it was this deep.
Howard told Benjy not to be mad at him. He said that he's the one who has given him a job all these years. Howard said that if Benjy doesn't want to work on Friday that's fine. If he doesn't want to work with Sal and Richard on bits, that's fine. He told him to just show up on time.
Benjy said that he got a bad reputation for showing up late when he would only show up late a couple times a year. Howard said that's bullshit. He would come charging down the halls at the last second.
Craig said that Benjy has no competition in there so he got lazy. Howard said he's right. He said Benjy needs to put more effort into this. Howard said he doesn't say a word, he just wants him to show up on time.
Howard said he worked 30 years on radio to earn this lifestyle. He said he gets to work 4 days a week and Benjy is taking that day off too. He didn't earn it. Howard said that Benjy should be in there working on Fridays. He said that Benjy just decided to take that day off. Howard said he never even asked if he could take Fridays off, he just did it. Howard told him he didn't earn that. He's making a mockery of the whole thing.
Howard told Benjy to just sit there and stare at him with that mental patient look of his. Benjy said he's going to give $1,000 to someone if he's late. Howard said he's not interested in that. He said that he's not going to let him give himself a self imposed punishment. Howard said the real bullet is to fire him. He said he can't pull the trigger right now though. He said he's so lucky he has him as a boss. Howard said he'd love to fire him so he has to go work with someone else. Howard said he'd cry if he had an Israeli boss.
Craig said that everyone knows who Benjy is on this show. If he was writing for someone else no one would know who he was. Howard said he's right about that. He said no one even knows who Stuttering John is over at the Tonight Show. Howard said no one would know Benjy if he worked for Saturday Night Live or something like that. Howard said that he should go read Jim Breuer's book to see how he has it made there. Howard wishes that Benjy had to work for Lorne Michaels. Howard said they don't put up with this kind of bullshit over there. They would fire Benjy in a second.
Craig told Benjy that people in radio are getting fired all the time these days. He said it's really tough out there so Benjy is lucky he has a job. Howard said it's unheard of to have a job in radio this long in a market like New York City. Howard said this is a dream job. Howard said that guy JoJo they were talking about earlier this week has worked in 20 radio stations in his career. Howard said Benjy is under his protection and he has job security. Howard said it's humiliating and degrading to be in radio. He said he should call Kidd Chris about that to hear how awful it is working in radio. Howard said the guy is stuck in some shitty market now. Howard said the guy is talented too and he's stuck in some shitty market. Howard said the entire radio station in Chicago lost all of their staff. Howard said Benjy has no idea how lucky he is. He has no clue at all. Howard said this show isn't even close to reality.
Howard asked Craig where he's appearing. He's at the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island. He said that Benjy has to find that value of that job and get it together. Craig said he loves Benjy. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said JD works his ass off there. He said he is the guy who works hard and doesn't ask for anything. JD said he tries. Howard said he busts his balls for the show. JD was laughing. Howard asked why he had that smirk on his face. Robin said he can't take compliments. Howard blames his parents. JD said his parents have nothing to do with that.
Howard asked JD what he would do if he were him. JD said he loves Benjy and he doesn't want the responsibility. Howard said he just wants him to say what he would do. He said he will take his advice. Howard said he needs his help.
JD said he would put him in the back office. Howard asked if that's enough. JD said if he were really Howard, he would fire Benjy. Howard told him to fire him for him. Howard said he's going to give him the power. JD said he's not going to do that. JD said he would fire him though.
Howard asked if there's something wrong with him for not firing him. JD said it shows he has compassion. Howard said he has spent an hour on this crap. He said he can't put that pressure on JD to fire Benjy. Howard said Gary is a pussy and won't do it for him.
Gary came in and told Benjy he's fired. Howard liked hearing that. Gary told Benjy that they've spoken to him about this time and time again but he's still there. Howard told Benjy that he's fired but Benjy just said okay and stayed there. Howard said he should stick him in the office and let him work there. Gary said they have a set up for him. He said it hurts them too because he's off the Wrap Up Show again. Howard said he's off of that show for good. Gary said that's a shame. Howard said he's heard him on the Wrap Up Show and who gives a shit? He said he doesn't want to hear him on there.
Gary said that Benjy should get there early. He said he has been cutting it close every morning lately. He was cutting it closer and closer over the past few weeks. Benjy said that had nothing to do with what happened today.
Fred asked Benjy if it was really the snooze button. Benjy said it was. Howard said he believes that. Howard said he's never hit the snooze button, ever. Howard said you just set your alarm and get up. He said you don't hit snooze. Howard said he's up out of bed as soon as that alarm goes off. Howard said he moans for 5 seconds when he gets up but he gets up.
Howard said he has a job that he has to get to and he respects SIRIUS. Benjy doesn't respect him. Benjy said that he still thinks that the best way to do this is for him to give $1,000 to something. Howard said maybe he should take $50,000. Benjy said that's fine. Howard said he doesn't even have 50 grand. Benjy said he would put that money into escrow and he'll give it to someone. Howard said he wants it to go to JD. Howard said he has to show up on time. Benjy said someone could sabotage him though. Fred said the only person sabotaging him is himself. Howard said he wants that money to go to JD if he's late. Benjy said that they'll figure it all out.
Howard said that $1,000 thing is bullshit. He said the 50 grand is more like it. He told Gary to look into the legality of the whole thing. Gary said he'd do that. He said he can't use the lawyers there for that because it's not something they should be doing. Gary said he's pretty sure that the lawyers there would tell them not to get involved in something like that.
Howard said none of them there are lawyers and he's pretty sure that it is legal. Gary said that Benjy should just put up his job. Howard said if he's late again he should just not show up and never show his face there again. Howard said he doesn't have the balls to fire Benjy so he should be the man and just stop coming to work if he's late again. Benjy wouldn't agree to that.
Gary asked Howard why he's asking Benjy this and not telling him. Howard said Gary should produce and be the one to tell him this. Gary told Benjy that they're at the point where they have to fire him if he shows up late again. He said Howard is saying to him that if he's late again then they have to fire him. Howard said he knows that Tim Sabean is out there ready to fire Benjy.
Evan came in and Howard said he wants to bring him with him. Evan told Benjy that he chooses to be there to support his family. He gets up at 1:50 in the morning. He said he checks all of the equipment before the show to make sure it's all working. Howard said he really appreciates Evan. He said this guy is an unsung hero of the show. Evan said that Benjy lives 5 blocks away and he just doesn't understand this. He said that people would take 20 percent of his pay to work for the show. Evan also works on Fridays. Howard said Benjy didn't even check with him on that. He just took Fridays off.
Evan said anyone else would be there on time for the show. He said that he would fire Benjy. He said he should have Ronnie escort him out of the building. He said he has a lack of work ethic and he's disresepcting people there. Evan said it's all about respect and it's like he's stealing money. Howard said he loves Evan.
Howard said he went out of his way to get to know Evan. He said the guy is a hard worker and he admires that. He said he really had to take a break. Howard said he's still not sure what to do. He said he would like to split Benjy in half with an axe. He said if it was legal, he would do it. Robin said he should take himself out of the studio at least. Howard said he should do that. Benjy said he would do that if that's what Howard wants. Howard said that's what he wants. He said he might be happier out there not looking at him. Benjy said it's inspiriting to look at him. Robin told him to just get out.
Robin said that if he shows up late again they should bar him from the building. Howard said that's what they're going to do then. Howard told Ronnie that if Benjy is late again, he's going to bar him from the building so he can't work. He said that way he's firing himself.
Ronnie said that Howard's problem is that he makes a joke out of this whole thing. Howard said he's not though. Ronnie said that Benjy thinks this is a joke though. Howard said he's probably right. Howard said if Benjy shows up late he's to lock him out of the studio. He's not joking about that. Howard said Ronnie is another hard worker. Howard said he's always on time.
Howard said Benjy is firing himself next time he's late. He said he has nothing to do with it. Howard said he's just going to bar him from the building. Howard asked Benjy if he understands that. Benjy just said ''Uhh...'' Howard said he loves working with Benjy but he can't put up with this anymore. Benjy said he was fucking up for a long time and he knows that's why being late became a huge thing. Howard cut him off and said that this is fucking up his show. Benjy tried explaining about why he's late and how it's only been like 3 or 4 times a year.
Gary came in and said that this is fucking insane. He said they told him to stop cutting it close and that lasted for a little while. Then he was cutting it closer and closer. Gary said that it doesn't matter what happened today. Benjy said this had nothing to do with cutting it close though. Gary said it doesn't matter because he showed up late after setting himself up for this.
Howard said they're done there. He confirmed with Benjy that he knew what they were going to do to him if he shows up late again. Benjy said he understands. Howard told Benjy that he's not going to have anything to do with firing him again. He said if he shows up late then he's gone and he has nothing to do with firing him. He'll be firing himself.
Howard said he wanted to be with his wife last night and he had to just let her go out and work. Howard said he wanted to stay up late but he has to go to bed early so he can get there to work on time. Howard said he had to tear himself away from his daughter so he could go home and sleep. He said this job is number one and Daddy has to do it. Howard told Benjy ''don't be late.'' He said it's very simple. If this was the first time he showed up late he'd have no problem with it. He said Benjy is a problem and he can't have him in the studio if he shows up late. Benjy said it's only 3 or 4 times a year. Howard said he knows that. Gary said he can say that he's been late every day except the day he showed up at 5:45. He said Howard told him to show up at 5:45 so that's what time he should have been there. Howard said he's done with this. He said it was 7:18 and they still weren't done with this.
Benjy asked if he really thought he was bad on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he didn't think he was bad. He didn't have a problem with him being on that show. If he did he would have thrown him out of there. Howard said he was fine and he doesn't have a problem with his work. He said he's just fucking up in the wrong ways. Howard told Benjy to get out of there so he can end this.
Benjy finally left so Howard said that he just did an hour and a half without Benjy writing him jokes. He said he really doesn't need Benjy there to do a radio show. Howard said he doesn't ''need'' it so he has to understand that. Howard said he's not going to fall apart without Benjy. He said his stuff is great but he doesn't need it.
Howard asked Tim how his birthday went. He said he heard that he's souping again so he didn't go out to dinner. Howard said Tim does that green drink stuff but he also eats food. Howard said he modified the diet himself. Tim said he put on 25 pounds. Howard said it was funny for a while when he was still stuffing himself into the jeans that he bought when he lost weight. He said they were like stiletto jeans.
Tim told Howard he's too nice to these guys. He said he's enabling him by letting him stay there. Robin said that if anyone has any work ethic there then they'd handle themselves. She said that Benjy didn't even leave the studio until Howard kicked him out. Tim said that being in radio is tough and he's been through it all. He said the guys that start working for this show have no idea what it's really like. Tim said that radio today really sucks and these guys have no idea. He said they get spoiled working for the pinnacle of radio.
Tim said he would rather be there doing that job than anything else. He said he's so grateful that he's there every day. He said that it's an amazing opportunity. Robin said that Benjy doesn't have the pride to do his job and show up on time. Now he's going to end up getting banned from the building.
Gary told Howard that Benjy can't do anything yet. They have to reconnect some wires out there so Howard can see what he's writing. Robin said Evan must be ready to kill him over this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Benjy is a little weird and he gets that. Howard said he's making that job as simple as possible for Benjy. The caller said that Benjy might be thinking of stuff to talk about on his walk to work. Howard said that he has to take a break and then he'll get some funny stuff going. He said he has to play some of the Staff Impression Contest. Howard said the audience is very talented. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was watching America's Got Talent last night. He said he felt good for the dude who won. He said they gave him the million bucks and it made him feel good. He said he saw the fine print at the end of the show and thinks that they give the payments of the million out as $40,000 a year. Howard said Nick Cannon isn't good at reading off the teleprompter either.
Howard said he feels bad about Benjy because he was out there crying. He said he doesn't know if they were real or not. Howard said he just wants the guy to be there on time. Howard said he's all upset now and his whole day is shot. He said he has to go to the psychiatrist today and he knows what he'll be talking about. Howard said the guy is going to ask why he didn't just fire the guy. He said he's sick of all of this.
Howard said he was happy for this guy on America's Got Talent. He said he's winning the million bucks but it doesn't sound like he's getting it all at once. Howard told the guys to look it up and find out how they pay it off. Gary said they found it. They pay it off over 40 years. Gary said that means it's $25,000 a year. Howard said ''fuck you NBC'' for paying it off like that. Howard said that's just not right.
Gary said that all depends on NBC being in business for 40 years. Howard said this world is bullshit. Howard said NBC makes a million bucks from just one commercial on that network. Howard said the guy who won wants to buy his grandparents a house. He can't do that with $25,000 a year. He said he'll have to pay taxes on that. They will give the guy a payoff earlier but it's only going to be $400,000. Robin said NBC should be ashamed of themselves.
Gary said if you take the buyout then they give you like $475,000. He said that you'd only get $375,000 after taxes. Howard said that's just not fair. He said the guy put his heart and soul into the show and this is how they're going to treat him. He said they promote it as being a million dollars and that's just not truthful. Howard said he could give away a million dollars and say he's going to give one dollar away a year for a million years.
Howard said this guy is still broke with the $25,000 a year. Howard said it's not bad to get extra money but that's not a fair payoff.
Howard said that Jewel was on the show last night and she looked great. He said she had hot pants with camel toe showing. Howard said he loves those hot pants. He said Jewel really looked good. Robin said Donna Summer was on too and she was singing with Prince Poppycock. Howard said she didn't look too pleased about that.
Howard said he loves that Piers Morgan as a judge. Howard said that's why he wanted to go on one of these judges. He said he wants to prove that an American can be just as much of a prick but also be compassionate. Howard said he's not sure how Steven Tyler is gong to be in American Idol. Howard said he's not sure why Jerry Springer gave up America's Got Talent. Robin said they may have asked him to leave so they could get a younger audience. Howard wondered why no American's can judge.
Howard said he turned down a major show to be a judge. He said they were going to build a whole show around him. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to do that though. He said he has an impression of himself that he has more talent than a judge on a TV show. Howard said if he stopped doing what he's doing now then maybe he'd go be a judge somewhere. He said he knows they still want him for that show they were going to develop.
Howard said they Nick Cannon is an improvement on that show but he's not very good at reading the teleprompter. He did an impression of him reading it and introducing Usher on the show. Howard said the guy is a pisser. He said he puts up with him because he likes the show. Howard said he likes Sharon Osbourne too but she's unable to tell anyone they're awful. Robin said she did tell someone to fuck off on one of the shows.
Howard said he likes Sharon getting into a fight with someone. He said that Vince Neil wrote a book and said that Sharon was a horrible person. He was saying that Sharon was bossing people around when they were out on tour with Ozzy. He said she took away all of the fun from the rest of the guys. Howard said it was kind of nasty toward her and when they asked Sharon about it, she said that Neil was the murderer and pointed out that he killed someone in a car accident. She pointed that out and said that he's still driving drunk and that's why she kept her husband away from him. Howard said that's the Sharon he likes. He said he thinks that Howie did good judging too. He said he was much better than David Hasselhoff.
Howard said he has to get into this now. He said they have this Staff Impression contest going on and they have a $5,000 grand prize that's paid off in one lump sum, not over 40 years. Howard said they have a lot of great entries in this contest. He played one of the entries which was an Underdog Lady impression that was spot on. Howard and the guys got some laughs out of that impression. Howard said that was a woman by the name of Rachel Butera.
Howard said he heard that Lisa got dizzy from Richard Christy's cologne yesterday. Lisa said she really did. She asked why guys don't know how to use cologne. Howard said he knows what to do. He said he and Beth were going out the other night and he knows how to use the stuff. He said that guys like Ronnie put on too much. Lisa said she can't talk to Chuck Zito more than a couple of minutes. Howard said she must be talking about someone else. Lisa said he's right... She was trying to avoid upsetting chuck.
Howard said he slaps on some cologne but he does it the right way. Robin said most guys don't. Howard said he takes the tiniest bit and does three quick sprays so you don't smell him a mile away. Lisa said that Chuck Zito should do that. Howard told Lisa that they don't talk about Chuck that way. He said Chuck is a good friend of the show. He said that Lisa should be safe since she's a woman.
Howard said he had more Staff Impression entries. Howard said he had an impression of Big Foot that was great. This one was from a guy by the name of Jason. The guy sounds almost exactly like Big Foot. Howard said he thinks he hired Big Foot to say these things.
Howard played a Beetlejuice impression from a guy by the name of Tony. He had a Mariann from Brooklyn impression from a guy by the name of Eric. He was very good with that impression. Howard said that guy gets on the show longer that the real Mariann.
Howard played a George Takei impression and the guy sounded a lot like George. He had a Crackhead Bob impression and a Ham Hands Bill impression. Howard whipped through a bunch of quick clips. He had a Scott Ferrall impression and a John the Stutterer impression that were both very good. Howard said you'd swear that it was really John. He said that guy's name was Chad. Howard said he had so many great ones. He had a woman, Rachel, doing a Little Lupe impression. She was very good at that too. Howard said that one was terrific. Howard said they had someone doing their own Tracey Millman. That was Rachel again. She does a bunch of impressions. Howard said he's going to sign her up. He said she's a talent. He doesn't know what she does for a living but she's really good at the impressions. She's the one who did Underdog Lady too. Howard said she could be their whole show. He wouldn't need anyone if they hired her. Howard said they've found a real talent with her.
Howard played a Riley Martin impression, a Hanzi impression and a High Pitch Eric impression from a guy by the name of Josh. Howard said that was another great one. Howard said it's endless and they're going to have a tough time picking a winner.
Howard had Lisa get to more of her news. He said he had Dax Shepard waiting to come in there. Howard said he has more guests coming up like Billy Joel too. Howard said they're going to ask him about everything. Howard said he didn't want to ask Billy to do the show but Billy is willing to do it so he'll have him in.
Lisa said they have a story about Robin doing a tour of a green market and talking about how she has an okra phobia. She's filming these segments to do some kind of show. Robin wants to get some of the other guys there to try vegetables. Jon Hein being one of them.
Lisa said they were at the red carpet for Boardwalk Empire and tons of stars were there. Lisa said she met one of the guys from True Blood. She said that he loves it that Robin and Howard love the show. Salmon Rushdie was there too and told Lisa about how we need unrestricted speech in this country. He also commented on the mosque being built down near Ground Zero. Howard said he's a big fan of that guy and he's been pulling in some hot chicks. Lisa said he was there with a really hot chick last night. Howard said that's what he should be writing about.
Lisa said that Mark Wahlberg told them to Leave his friend Will Ferrall alone. Howard said they like Will. Lisa said they had a bunch of other interviews with celebrities too. She ran through a bunch of the interviews she did real quick.
Eric said he wants to know how much of the show ''Parenthood'' is filmed in Northern California. Fred asked why he would want to know that. Eric said that he wants to know if they really film it up there because maybe he could be on the show. Fred said he knew it. He said that maybe they could have Eric do a spot where he plays a baby in a stroller. Howard said he'll ask Dax about it. He guesses that Eric won't make the trip down to L.A. to work if they're not shooting up near him.
Howard let Eric go and said that he heard that Dax was at Jimmy Kimmel's party but he doesn't remember meeting him. Gary said that Kristen Bell and Dax are engaged. Howard said he has to interview him. They went to break after that.
Dax said he went to UCLA for school and did some acting on the side. He said his mom was willing to pay for him to live out there doing that if he went to school.
Dax said he had a great dad who was willing to help him get into comedy if that's what he wanted to do. He said his mom was very supportive too. Howard said his dad was very supportive as well. Dax said his dad was a car salesman so he didn't have anything to do with the business.
Dax said he was out there in L.A. for a long time not working. He said he did that for 8 years. He said he could have become a surgeon in that time. Then he got on Punk'd. He said he never thought about getting out of the business before that though. He said he was happier failing at that than being successful at another job.
Dax said that he would go work for his mom during the summers and he was making about 8 grand a year for years. He said it wasn't easy.
Dax told Howard his brother didn't get the whole ''Punk'd'' thing. He said he figured he could do the same thing. Howard said people look at acting like it's very simple. He said it's just talking in front of a camera. He said it's deceivingly simple looking.
Howard said Dax got the Punk'd thing and then what. Dax said they did a pilot and they got sued so they had a year off while they cleared it up in court. He said he figured he had it made before that. He said they ended up shooting the whole first season before it aired. He said that he would ruin people's lives and then tell them that they were Punk'd and they had no idea what it was. He said he'd have to explain it to people like they had no idea what the show was.
Howard asked if anyone ever got physical with him after he Punk'd them. Howard said he would be pissed if he ever got Punk'd. Howard said he remembers Justin Timberlake crying over what they did to him. Dax said that was him doing that. He said he cried over his dogs being taken away. Howard said he's surprised he let it on the air. Dax said that Ashton Kutcher was great at revving everyone up about the whole thing so that's how they got Justin to let it on the air. Dax said as the show went on Ashton was less and less involved. Dax said he had to take over and ask the people to sign the paperwork.
Howard asked why they got sued for the pilot. Dax said they were sued by a normal person and not a celebrity. Dax said they had an injured hooker in a hotel room and the woman said she was never going to be the same. Turns out she was a nurse and they found a picture of her on a roller coaster ride just two hours later and she was fine so the case went away.
Dax said he was never the guy who thought he had what it takes to make it. Howard said he has some sexual history though. He's with Kristen Bell right now. Dax said she wasn't at the Jimmy Kimmel party with him though. Dax told Howard that he took the wrong tact with him at that party. He was leaving Howard alone hoping that he'd notice he was leaving him alone. Howard said if he had Kristen with him he would have paid attention to him. Dax said that he figured Howard would be intrigued with him if he left him alone.
Dax said he's gotten to hung out with Arnold Schwarzenegger a few times and the guy is just positive and it rubs off on you. He said he got to ride motorcycles with Arnold once. He said he was telling him that he was great and funny in his stuff. Then he went out and Tom Arnold told him that Arnold had no idea who the fuck this guy was.
Dax said he called Arnold and he asked him to do some campaign stuff for him. He said he couldn't do it because he's a libertarian so Arnold just said ''me too.'' He said the guy is just good. He said he has been invited to Arnold's house and it was based on him just ignoring the guy. He said that's what he was trying to do with Howard.
Dax did some of his Arnold impression and said that he does the more calm Arnold and not the outrageous one that most people do. Dax told Howard to read Arnold's book and this one specific chapter that's kind of gay. Dax said that Arnold takes everything as a compliment too and you can tell him the chapter is gay and he'll take that as a complement.
Howard asked Dax about what he was doing when he was in Punk'd as far as living. Dax said he had a girlfriend at the time. Howard asked if his life changed with the Punk'd thing. He said they paid really bad over there at MTV. He said he still doesn't see any money from it even though it's been syndicated. Dax said he and his girlfriend were splitting the bill 50/50. He said he lived in that apartment for a long time even after Punk'd. He said 3 months after Punk'd he got a lead in a movie. He said he got into Idiocracy with Mike Judge and some other stuff. He got into ''When in Rome'' with Kristen Bell. Howard said that she was doing scenes with Josh Duhamel. Howard asked if Kristen was attracted to him. Dax said he didn't do it for her. Howard asked if that's where he met Kristen. Dax said he met her at a friend's party. He said he didn't know who she was and she didn't know who he was. He said she was on ''Veronica Mars'' at the time.
Howard said he read that Dax dated Miss Saigon. Dax didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said that's what was on the list. Howard said he dated Ione Skye too. Dax said he didn't date her either. He said he did date Kate Hudson. Howard said he thinks he could have had her. Dax said that she loves guys with great personalities.
Howard asked what it was like to date Kate Hudson. Howard said he was just talking about her the other day and how much fun it must be to be around that family. Dax said that Kurt Russell was around a lot and that was a very cool thing. He said it was great because they went out for a flight and they got in trouble for buzzing a house. Dax said he had a lot of fun hanging around Kurt. He said he may have been more interested in Kurt than Kate.
Dax said he and Kate dated for like 3 months. It was like a summer affair. Howard asked if he got to know her kid. He said he did meet the kid and the kid was great. Howard asked if he's the kind of guy who isn't going to marry a woman with a kid. Dax said it's not like that. He joked that he's into corporal punishment and Kate isn't so that wasn't going to work. He said it's hard for everyone when you have a kid and the father and mother aren't together.
Dax said that he had a few step-fathers so he knows what that's like. Howard said he must have been empathic with the kid. Dax said he liked Howard's use of that word in that way. Robin said that it was ''empathetic.'' Howard said he was using it the right way. Fred said there is such a word and he was okay using it like that.
Howard asked Dax what went wrong with Kate Hudson. Dax said it was just a fun thing and they're just not marriage material. Howard asked if he stays in touch with her. Dax said he's engaged now so he doesn't keep in touch.
Howard asked Dax what it's like to have his future wife making out with a guy in a movie. Dax said that the Josh Duhamel thing was fine. He said that it didn't bother him. Howard said Beth made out with a guy on an ABC show and he was very jealous. He said Beth is a very sexual woman. Dax said Howard made out with women in his movie. Howard said he had a boner in every scene too. He said he told Mary McCormack that he had a boner. He said he would jack off every night after filming. Howard asked Dax if he gets worked up. Dax said he doesn't get boners doing love scenes on his TV show. He said he's getting older now and not getting as many boners. He's 35. Howard said he's 56 and still gets boners.
Howard asked Dax about meeting Kristen and how he had to work her. Dax said they had just broken up with people at the time. He said that Kristen had broken up with some dude she was with for years. He said they met and nothing was going on at the table. He said they weren't in the market for relationships. He said they ran into each other at a Red Wings game and he remembered her from that night. He said that she was so cute that he couldn't stand it. Then he got her number and started texting her without getting the number from her. Howard asked if she was upset that the number was given out. Dax said she liked him too so she didn't mind. Howard asked how long it took to get into her pants. He said it was longer than 2 weeks. Howard said that she made him work for it.
Howard asked if Dax hangs out with Josh and Fergie at all. Dax said he used to use dip (tobacco) a lot for like a year and a half. He said it's really disgusting. He said that he and Kristen were driving around in the car and she started dipping. He said they were together for like 7 months at that point. Dax said they went to do When in Rome and Josh Duhamel was doing the dip thing too. Then Fergie came in and brought in more dip so all four of them were dipping. Dax said that he and Kristen have both quit the dip thing.
Howard said he finds Fergie to be a very sexual person and he thinks that she's been with all of the guys in The Black Eyed Peas. He asked Dax if he gets that feeling too. He said she might as well get them all into the mix.
Howard said Dax is there to promote this movie ''The Freebie'' which is opening soon. Dax told Howard what the movie is about and it's about a guy who asks for one night to do whatever he wants. He said that usually backfires. He and Howard talked about shooting the movie and how he got to make out with this hot chick, Katie Aselton, for hours at a time. Howard asked if he got a boner during that. Dax said he didn't. He said her husband was there at the foot of the bed the whole time.
Howard said he did a scene with Mary McCormack where he put his hand on her tittie when it wasn't in the script. He was just acting. Robin said there was a scene where Mary looks totally shocked during the wedging scene. Howard said he turned her around and kissed her and that wasn't in the script. He said that was acting.
Howard said he remembers every scene that he made out in. Howard said he did the heiney dance in the one scene where he took his pants off. That's what he would have done in real life.
Dax said he did a scene with Liv Tyler where he wasn't able to stop kissing her. He said they were supposed to be bickering but he couldn't stop kissing her.
Howard asked Dax about the chick he gets to cheat on the wife with in this movie. Dax said it's Frankie Shaw. Howard asked about the TV show ''Parenthood'' which is starting up soon. They spent a minute talking about that show.
Howard asked Dax why he was banned from Conan O'Brien's show. Dax said this was when Conan had his show at 12:35 over 6 years ago. He said he was on to promote a movie and he used to drink way too much. Dax said he didn't go to rehab but he did get sober. He said that he hasn't been drinking for 6 years now. Dax said he can't have a glass of wine or he'll have problems. He said he can't do anything with alcohol or drugs.
Dax said he had done a pre-interview in a black out so he didn't remember talking to the person. Dax said he was up all night and woke up to his publicist shaking him awake. He said he wasn't able to see and he was almost in a coma. He went out on stage and they had an animal wrangler on before him. He said that he told Conan that the animals were in the green room and he just passed out and broke the coffee table. He said that all hell broke loose. Dax said he got up like he had just told the best joke in the world. Then he told a bad union joke and it just got worse and worse. Dax said that Conan was trying to get into the pre-interview stuff and he didn't remember it so it went nowhere.
Howard asked what the drinking was about. Dax said that everyone in his family had a drinking problem. He said he doesn't think he was able to handle the pressure of not working those 8 years he didn't work. Dax said he was drinking way too much and it was getting worse and worse. He said when to Hawaii and when he got back he figured he had to stop.
Howard gave some plugs for his movie and then Dax said he races cars too and he's looking for people to support him. He said he'd like to race Baja next year. Check out PrimateRacing.com for more information.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Kristen Bell likes to have her ass smacked. Dax said he's not sure he'd ever tell anyone that. Howard asked if Miss Saigon likes to get her ass smacked. Dax said she loves it.
Another caller asked if Howard was ever brought up to be Punk'd. Dax said Howard was too isolated. Dax said they never consulted him on who to do the Punk'd thing to. Dax said they would try to do it to rappers but the guys just never showed up.
Another caller said he saw Dax on Jimmy Kimmel's show and he's really funny. He asked if he hangs out with Kimmel. Dax said that they have hung out and they got to know each other on a flight they were both on once. He said Jimmy is a sensational guy. He said they went to a UFC fight once. Dax told Howard that they had some really hot chicks fighting and it was really sad to watch. He said that it wasn't fun at all.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told Dax he's really funny. Howard said he thought Jeff was really down yesterday. Gary said he left some interesting messages yesterday. Howard said he has to hear those. Dax asked if he got racial. Jeff said he didn't.
Ralph called in and said he loved that Conan story. He asked what the publicist said after that. Dax said his publicist was almost as screwed up as he was at the time so he may not have been too coherent back stage. He said that they tried to get booked on Conan again but then Tom Arnold called personally and vouched for him and they eventually let him back on the show. he's done it like 5 times since then.
Howard said they must be paying Dax well now. Dax said he's doing okay. He said he's not making the kind of money people were getting 5 years ago. He said that it's just not that good anymore. Dax said he's going to do okay with the movie that's coming out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Dax about the first time he had sex with Kristen and how long it took him to cum. Howard said that you can blow a load really fast with a hot chick like that. Dax said he lasted long when he was drinking. He said he was able to hold out a little bit the older he's gotten too. Howard said he wears a condom all the time and that helps him hold out. Dax said he doesn't wear one and they're going to have a kid eventually.
Howard said he thinks Kristen is a hot chick. Dax said she really is a great girl. Howard said that's great for him. He told him to say hello to him next time he's at a party. Dax said he will do that. Howard asked if he played any instruments at the party that night. Dax said he didn't. He didn't know that Howard had either.
Howard and Dax talked about how crazy the Kimmel party was and how Dax isn't the kind of guy who should get too crazy. He said he'd end up like Gary Busey. Howard told Dax to give his fiancee a big kiss and a hug for him. Howard said that he had to wrap up and go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Stevie Nicks is great. Fred said that song was one of the live versions they play on Coffee House. Howard said the guitar was almost too loud in that song. Fred said it was a live version so that's why it's off. Howard said it's nice that they play music on the show once in a while. Howard said it's a nice break to do that.
Howard took a call from Rachel Butera the impression chick. Howard said he's very impressed with her. He said she has to be one of the finalists. He asked if she's a professional. She said she has tried doing some voice overs. She said she's also a writer for a marketing department. Howard said she did Underdog Lady and Little Lupe. He had her do those impressions for him. She did some of her Underdog and some of her Lupe. Howard said this girl is really good. She also does Tracey Millman. Howard had a conversation with her for a minute. She was great with those voices. Howard said they're really good. Rachel thanked him for that. Howard anted her to have Lupe make out with Tracey but he figured that was too much.
Howard said Rachel is right up there in the competition. she's got a lot of stiff competition though. He said he pictures her being attractive but he doesn't care. He said she's got a lot of talent.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks will happen. Fred said he thinks that Howard will come out ahead but not by much. This was 10 random people being asked about Howard Stern or Son of Sam. Howard played the clips and 9 out of 10 people said Son of Sam. One guy said Howard was worse.
Steve said that the tapes team is going to be attending the awards ceremony for the award they won. The tickets are in the range of 600 bucks. Howard said he was talking to Tim about this and he asked what he wanted to do. Howard said he thinks the team does a great job and they are second to none but it's odd that they have to spend this kind of money to get their award. Howard said Tim was saying that its' a rip off but then he's sending them out there to get the award. He said he was saying it was a scam but then he ends up sending them out there to get their award.
Howard played some of the audio from the Wrap Up Show where Tim was talking about that stuff. Howard said that he's all for whatever Tim wants to do. Tim came in and told Howard that you have to pay to get into just about any award show.
Steve said that Vinnie Favale was talking to them about the lunch he had with Jackie the Joke Man. Vinnie said he would have paid for lunch but Jackie and his date wanted to hang out at the restaurant after he was done. He didn't want to just leave his credit card there for him. Howard said of course he didn't leave it there. He said that's ridiculous.
Steve said that Robin is going to be on a radio show tonight with a wine expert. Howard said one of these days she's going to be on every channel like Shuli.
Ralph called in and said that the awards prices are ridiculous. He said that it costs like 4 bucks to produce them. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon mentioned Benjy and Howard said he's going to feel guilty the whole weekend. He said he's ruined his whole day. Howard said he has to feel awful now because of Benjy. He said he's a kook and he can't help feeling bad for the guy. Howard said he wants to just bring him into the studio so he can stop thinking about it.
Howard was also asking about his use of the word empathic today. Fred was right and it was used in the right way. Howard said he felt embarrassed during that interview when Robin called him out on it. Robin said she didn't know that the words were synonymous. Howard said he loves being right sometimes. Howard said Robin was wrong and she won't admit it. Robin said she's admitting it now. Robin said she doesn't hate that he's right. Robin said Howard has been using it the past couple of days and it's like a new word he found. Howard didn't even know he was doing that.
Howard said he's really having a bad day because of Benjy. He said he feels upset about the whole thing. Robin said that's understandable. Howard said he wants Benjy to apologize. Fred said he really should. Robin said that Howard is right.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's being too hard on Benjy. The guy said Benjy isn't doing this on purpose. He said he gets up late too and he probably shows up late to work as much as he does. The guy said that some people just can't get up. Howard said there's nothing wrote than the alarm going off but he gets up. The caller said that some people just can't do that. Howard said he feels he has to get up right away so he can get to work on time.
The caller asked how many times Gary has been threatened with his job. Howard said it's been many times. the caller didn't remember any of those but he has fired Gary many times but he just won't leave.
Howard said he just feels bad and it was a tough day for him. Jon asked why he feels guilty. Howard said he doesn't like all of the bad vibes. He's not comfortable with it. Howard said things are bad with him and Benjy now and he hates rocking his world like that. Howard said he asks the guy to be on time and he won't do it. It's the same broken record all the time.
Jon got back to his show rundown. He ran through the rest of the stuff they were going to try and cover today. That led to them talking about Dax Shepard and how that's going to make Steve Grillo think that he should stick with acting. He's going to think that he's going to get a break like Dax did. Howard said Grillo has the same burning passion for acting like Dax did but he's not getting any work.
Jon also talked about how Benjy has been banned from the Wrap Up Show for life. He said he'd like to talk to him today but he's going to respect Howard's wishes. Howard said he hates that this had to happen. He didn't want to ban Benjy from the show but he has to do something. Howard said he's resentful either way. He said he has bad feelings now and Benjy is making him feel this way. He hates that.
Ralph called in and said that Benjy has some kind of mental problem. He said it's kind of like Jeff the Drunk and how he gets something from this. Howard said he's getting attention. Ralph said that it was obvious that he was going to do this again. He's been saying that since the last time he showed up late. Ralph said he's just being too nice of a guy. He said Benjy should have just stayed home and not shown up.
Ralph said Howard has to make up his mind if he's just going to let it slide or get worked up over it. He said he has to do something. Howard said he might have to get rid of him.
Gary said that Jason was saying that it's hard for all of them there. Gary said he looks at his clock at 4:13 in the morning and he can't just hit snooze. He said it's not fair to everyone else who shows up on time. Fred asked who else has been late in the last 3 months. Howard said he wouldn't even know. He said Benjy is in the studio with him so that's why he gets so upset with him. He said that he only knows he's late because he's in studio. Fred said it is a big distraction. Howard said it's a distraction when Gary is late too but that doesn't happen so often.
Gary said that if Will showed up late he'd be pissed. He wouldn't have his breakfast if Will was late. Howard said Will is reliable. Howard said if he lets this slide then people like Will will wonder why he doesn't get a pass on being late. Howard said he doesn't feel so bad after that conversation. He said Benjy is out there crying and carrying on. Fred said his daughter is like that when they take away a toy.
Jon said Benjy brought this on himself. He said he's had to fire people and it's a horrible feeling. He said it's not easy to do that. He said you have to do it sometimes. Gary said he has only ever fired one person in the history of the show. He said the guy cried and it traumatized him.
Howard said Beth just did a shoot where she's on a bicycle in a bikini. Howard said she's not airbrushed at all. He said that's not fair because people must think that she's airbrushed. Howard said he'd almost guarantee that Drew Barrymore is airbrushed. Howard said he's calling for a ban on air brushing.
Howard took a call from Al Rosenberg who said that he cant' believe that anyone would want to be late working on that show. He said that they have to feel sorry for Benjy being a crazy fuck for not showing up on time. Al said that you just show up and do your job. He said no other employer is going to let him get away with it. Howard cut Al off saying that he was getting worked up again and he had to stop.
Robin read about the fashion shows that have been going on in the City this week. Robin said they had a plus sized model show yesterday. That was for size 12s and above. Howard ''Yeah, that's sexy.'' Robin said that the average size for women in this country is a size 14.
Howard said that the newscaster Edwin Newman had passed away. Robin said she was going to mention that. Howard and Robin were both big fans of his. Howard said it's weird that he's dead. He said he was part of his life when he was growing up. He was in his 90s.
Howard said he was reading an article in the paper today about how Annette Benning and Warren Beatty had a kid who is 18 now and she's planning to have Gender Reassignment surgery. She's living as a man right now. Howard said that Warren and Annette are arguing about whether or not to pay for the surgery. Howard said they claim that they love their daughter and they're not arguing. Howard said it's a wild story. He read the article and talked about how crazy it sounds.
Robin read a story about a horror film director who is accusing his wife of trying to extort money out of him for a child that wasn't even his. Howard said he read about that and he's suing the woman for the money he paid her over the years because it wasn't his kid. Howard said he's right and if she knowingly did that then he deserves that money back.
Gary brought in a picture of Warren Beatty and Annette Benning's daughter/son. Howard said she's a good looking dude. Howard said she should come in there and talk to them. Howard said that she's definitely going to want to keep the pussy. He said that she's going to want to keep the clit at least even if you don't want anything inserted. JD said he read about how the daughter was announced as Steven Ira at her high school graduation and Warren Beatty wasn't smiling in any of the pictures they had. That led to Howard doing his impression of what this ''Steven'' would sound like. He had her talking about how she has a 4 inch clit and how she's a squirter so there would be an ejaculation if she had sex as a man. Robin had a whole conversation with Howard in character. Howard was talking about what it's like being raised by Warren Beatty and things like that. He was also rubbing his clit against the phone for Robin. He was talking about how he had a dream of shooting ropes like Peter North the other night.
Robin read a story about a woman who may have killed herself after her marriage didn't work out. They found her with a gunshot wound in her head. She did a lot to get thin and pretty but things didn't work out for her.
Gary said that when Jeff has to be there he gets there the night before and drinks all night. Howard had the voice mails that Jeff left for him after yesterday's discussion. Jeff was telling Howard to walk a mile in his shoes and asked who the fuck Howard thinks he is. Jeff said that Howard doesn't pay him when he does shit for him. He said that he should play that on the air too. Jeff said that he didn't get paid a dime to do Wasted Week or do the IQ test or anything else. Jeff said that he does a lot for the show and doesn't get paid for it. Jeff gave him a few ''Fuck yous'' in that call too.
Howard said that he'd like to tell Jeff something. He said that they don't call Jeff asking him to do anything. He calls them. Howard said they called Jeff and asked if he wanted to do Wasted Week. He said if he wanted to get paid for it then he shouldn't have done it. Howard said they finally had something for him to do and he did it. Howard said he's a fan who wanted to be on the show so they put him on.
Jeff said that being a Wack Packer is his job. Howard said that isn't a job. Howard said Jeff has to go do his own thing and not ask them to help. Howard said there is no such thing as a professional Wack Packer.
Howard played another message that Jeff left where he was yelling at Gary and telling him that his brother is leaving his house this weekend and he was going to take the hot water heater with him. Howard said he can't do that. Jeff told Howard he's not actually going to do that.
Jeff said that Howard took his brother's side. Howard said he doesn't even know his brother. Jeff said that Howard did say that he might be the asshole in the whole thing. Howard said that's still possible. Jeff said Howard is wrong about that.
Howard played another clip where Jeff called Gary ''ape face'' so Howard told him that it's Eric the Midget's name so he has to change it. Jeff said he'd change it to banana breath. Jeff was yelling at Gary in another clip about how he doesn't have cable TV because his brother took it.
Jeff said that his brother shut off the phone and didn't give him a warning that he was doing it. Jeff said he cut off the cable because his brother turned off the phone. They were going back and forth with the two things shutting them off and turning them on again.
Jeff said that he cares for all of them and he feels he's getting shit upon. Howard said he's not shitting on him. He was just asking him about what it is that he likes about being dependant on people. Jeff said he doesn't like any of it. He said he's not sure why he's saying that he's not a man because that doesn't help him out. Howard said he was saying that as a man he should explore why he's being childish. Howard said he told him he wasn't growing up. Jeff said he wants a written apology so he can laminate it and put it up on his wall. Howard let him go and told him to have a nice weekend.
Robin read about how Mayor Bloomberg is working to ban smoking in some government spaces like Times Square. Howard said he's with him on that. Howard said he should never have to smell smoke from anyone. They're going to ban smoking in all public parks and places like government owned marinas and things like that.
Robin said she was looking up genital reassignment surgery and they do try to create an actual penis. Robin said they can use some tissue grafts and use an erectile prosthetic. She told Howard some of the details about that and said they actually try to create fake testicles as well. She said they can also reroute the urethra through the phallus. Howard went into his impression of Steven Ira again.
Robin read that September is Prostate Awareness month. She had some audio of a doctor talking about how men should be screened for it if they're getting up there in age.
Robin read about President Obama working on tax cuts. She had some audio of someone from Obama's administration talking about that.
Benjy said that he has timed everything out and this wasn't about... Howard cut him off and asked what he wants from him. Benjy did the same old thing where he said he's only been late like 4 or 5 times a year. Howard said he just wants him there on time. All he's hearing are excuses. Benjy said he didn't oversleep because of resentment. Benjy said he's set it up to wake up at 5. He wasn't just saying ''fuck them'' when he came in.
Howard said Benjy did a better job writing out there in the office. He should sit out there all the time. Howard said he still doesn't know why he's in there.
Benjy said he just doesn't want to be under the threat of being fired. Howard said he can be as late as he wants if he sits out there in the office. Howard said it distracts him and he can't deal with it.
Benjy said he'd like to be on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he's off of the Wrap Up Show for good. He said there's no talking about that. Howard said Benjy has blown him away for the entire morning.
Howard said that he thought Benjy was going to come in and say he was sorry and he'll never be late again. Benjy said he is sorry and he doesn't want to be known for that. Howard told him to just be on time. Benjy said he's trying everything he can. Howard told him to try an alarm clock. Howard said it's very simple. If he's late again, he's fired. Howard said Ronnie is just going to take away his key and he'll never be allowed in there again. He said he's too upset with that.
Howard said that Howard TV is no longer buying him breakfast. Howard said he's hearing that Benjy is going to be late again. Benjy said he doesn't know if he's going to be late again. Howard said he has to go work at another place and see what it's really like. Howard said he had to work in a small house where he would never leave a guy hanging after doing an air shift. Howard said he set an alarm across the room so he would have to get up to turn it off. Howard asked Benjy to please leave him alone. It's after 11 already and he wants out of there. He said he's done 5 hours and 4 of those hours were dedicated to Benjy.
Benjy said he wants to work it out that he can be on the Wrap Up Show again. Howard said that's not happening. Howard told him that he's done with the Wrap Up Show. He's never going to be on again. Benjy said it wasn't a conscious thing. Howard said he has to figure out how to get there on time and maybe good things will happen again.
Howard told Benjy to just go home, enjoy the weekend, then come back in and sit in the studio on Monday. They're all fine after that. He said he just has to show up on time. Howard said he's not going back on the Wrap Up Show again. He said he's going to show up on time or that's it.
Howard said he had Bubba the Love Sponge on the phone too. Bubba said that he'd have him breaking rocks down there if he worked for him. He said he needs a good ass whooping. Bubba said he'll hit people right in the head if they fuck up like this. Howard said he heard Bubba was going to burn a Quran on the air. Bubba said that wasn't him. That was Gene Lasker who wanted to do that.
Howard said he might have to send Benjy down there so Bubba can take care of this. Bubba said he would have Benjy straightened out and saying the would never show up late again. Bubba said he's got things for Benjy to do down there.
Bubba told Benjy that everything with him is so shticky and he has to just admit that he's fucking up and he's got to stand up and be a man. He said Fred is a man's man and he's the guy who he should be like. Fred said that Benjy just doesn't get it. He'll always come up with an excuse. Bubba said he's seen the shtick and he knows what he's doing. He said he doesn't know what he's got until it's gone. He said he really just needs his ass kicked. Howard said he loves Bubba's manliness. Bubba just laughed.
Howard said he wants Bubba to fly up there and hit Benjy with a bat. Bubba said he'd love to have him in the Bubbagon down there in Tampa. Howard said he appreciates him calling in. He let Bubba go after he said he rally needs his ass kicked. Howard said he was done and he wanted Benjy to show up on time.
Robin read a story about a cartoonist who is going into hiding after she had a death threat out on her after she did an Everybody draw Mohammed cartoon day. The FBI has suggested that she go into hiding after that.
Robin read about Liam Neeson and how he's dating a woman from the UK. His wife died last year after a skiing lesson. Howard said he knew Liam and his wife and he hopes that this woman can make Liam happy. He said that Liam and his wife were very happy. Robin asked how long you're supposed to wait before dating. Howard said he's not sure. He'd need one the day after. They had to end the show a short time later, right around 11:15am.
Jon asked Scott if he had a talented cameraman who he had to ask to show up on time. Then they show up late after being asked to show up on time. Scott said if his work was so good that he needs him then he'd come up with a way to get him there on time. He said he'd move his call time up a half hour. Gary said that no one else needs that. He said everyone has their own self-imposed call time there. They have to be responsible.
Scott said someone has to be the boss and tell them to be there on time. Gary said that's what Howard did. He told him to be there before the show started.
Jon asked what happens when the person doesn't show up a half hour early. Scott said that's fine because you've worked in that 30 minute buffer. He said he tells Brian that he has to be there at 5:30 but it's fine if he's there a little late. Scott said that happens with Brian all the time.
Scott said that they have to figure out a way to get Benjy to show up on time. Gary said he sat Benjy down last time and told him to get there at 5:45. Scott said he did the same thing and told him to get there at 5:30. Scott said maybe he doesn't respect Gary as a boss. Jason said if that's the case then he should be fired.
Gary said he told Benjy that he was cutting it close and there was a disaster on the horizon and Benjy just kept saying ''I know, I know'' every time. Gary said he tried to help the guy out. Scott said that they could alleviate the problem if they changed his time.
Jon said that Howard doesn't want to see anyone walking into the studio when the show has started. He said it only applies to Fred, Robin and Benjy. Scott said someone has to give Benjy a time to come in. Gary said the time was put in by Howard. He said that's the end all be all. What else is he supposed to do. Scott said that he's obviously unable to get there at 6. Jason said that he's going to show up late no matter what.
Scott said he's not sure why they have to say they ''have to'' fire Benjy if he shows up late again. They could do a heavy handed thing and make him show up on time. Gary said that they did that the last time Benjy was late. Howard was very heavy handed that time.
Jon asked if Benjy thinks that he's just not going to get fired no matter what happens. Maybe that makes it less likely for him to show up on time. Jason said he thinks that's 100 percent yes based on him going back into the studio at the end of the show. Jason said that he obviously doesn't think he's going to get fired.
Jon said that they all get up really early to get in there. Jon said that he's so paranoid about being late that he gets there extra early every morning. Benjy obviously doesn't have that gene in him. Gary said he has skipped showers before when he's been running late. He said Benjy went right into the bathroom when he got there this morning. He said that just didn't make sense to him.
Gary said that Howard has looked Benjy in the eye back at K-Rock and told him that he was embarrassing him for showing up late. He said it was so uncomfortable that he can't imagine why he'd show up late ever again. Scott said they have to do something and maybe just fire him. He said that they've been letting it just go on too long. Jason said he agrees and they ether have to fire him or just let it go. Scott said he doesn't think that Benjy is trying to impress Howard at all so that's a problem.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jon if Howard should fire him for forgetting to turn on his mic so many times. The caller said that he's not showing up an hour late or anything. Gary said that the caller thinks that he's special so of course he doesn't have to show up on time. The caller said there are a few of them who show up late. Jon asked if he really thinks that he doesn't turn on his mic to get to Howard. Jason said he does. The caller said that he doesn't have to be there right on time. Gary said he wants to work where he works. The guy is they have a couple hundred people there and about 4 of them show up late. Gary said there are 4 special people there then.
The caller asked if they think Benjy is the only one who shows up late in the entertainment business. Gary said he's not concerned with anyone else. This is about what Howard wants and Howard wants him there on time.
Ronnie came in and said that he was listening to Scott down in his car and he's not making any sense. He said that this isn't a little kid they're dealing with. He said they have to do something with this guy. Scott said he'd be fine if he showed up 2 minutes before the show. Ronnie said they can't be just punishing him every time he's late.
Gary said Scott is a shitty boss for thinking that it's okay to let him show up late. Scott said he's a great boss. Jon asked Scott if he's ever fired anyone. Scott couldn't remember but the guys reminded him of someone he had fired. He said it wasn't just them not showing up, it was about them not being able to do the work. He said that Benjy is able to do his job. He said it's such a little thing and it's not that big of a deal. Scott said that the show is going to suffer if he gets fired. Gary said they'd just hire someone else.
Scott said that someone has to step up and be the boss. Ronnie said that Howard made it clear that he is the boss. Scott said it should be Tim or Gary. Gary said that he is Benjy's boss and Mel and Scott Greenstein are his bosses. He said he can't just fire Benjy. He said he has to go through other people. He said that Howard would have to approve it too.
Scott said that Gary should be figuring out the best way to make it happen. Gary said he has done that and Benjy isn't doing it. Gary suggested that Scott be in charge of it. Scott said he could do that.
Jon asked Ronnie what he's going to do when Benjy shows up late again. Ronnie said he's going to take his access cards away and he'll have to talk to Howard about it afterward. Ronnie said he's tried to talk to Benjy about showing up at the last minute. He said he could walk to work but he still can't show up on time.
Gary asked about why Benjy would show up to work on time the whole time he was off the Wrap Up Show. Then he comes back and he's late again. He wondered what was up with that.
Jason said that he's told Benjy not to get fired when he started showing up late again. He said that everyone has reached out to him again and again. Ronnie said you can't read Benjy with that shtick he goes through. He said he talked to him this morning and said he likes him and he doesn't want to be pushed. He said he really is going to keep him from coming into work if he shows up late again. He doesn't want to do that but he will if he has to. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't have any repercussions for being late to work like Benjy does. He's not sure why he shows up late. The guy said he's early to work even though he doesn't have any repercussions. He said he cares about his job and doesn't want to lose it. Scott got pissed at Jon for giving him that ''yes, yes, yes'' look. Scott said that he has just as good of a work ethic as Jon does. He said that Benjy is a different case though. Jon said that everyone else there is able to overcome their issues to show up on time.
Jon asked Will Murray what he thinks about this. Will said that Scott will defend Benjy in anything he does. He has a big boner for the guy. Scott said he likes him. He said that Scott would be telling them to get rid of Jason if he was late. Scott said that he does like Benjy and he doesn't see the same in Jason... or Gary.
Gary asked Scott if guys on sports teams have been traded for being disruptive. Scott said yes. Gary said this is the same thing. He's being disruptive.
Jon said that Howard was really pissed this morning and he wasn't joking when he said he hates Benjy for doing this to him.
A caller said that they're all there because they're fuck ups. He said that Howard has threatened to fire him before. Gary said that it's not the same thing. He said he's never told him to change his behavior or he'll be fired. The caller said he's heard Gary tell Howard ''fuck you, fire me'' at K-Rock. He said that they all have their vices there. Jon said that his point was well taken, they're all fuck ups there.
Jon asked Gary what happened back there when Benjy was moved to the office. Gary said Benjy told him he just couldn't work back there. He said that it was too loud and not the right environment. He said he told Benjy he didn't have the ability to move him where he wanted to be. He said if he don't want to work then he told him to just go home.
Jon said that they had a bunch of people saying that Benjy should be fired. Tim Sabean was in there saying he should be fired and he actually has the power to fire him. Will found that funny. Gary said that Howard is all about punctuality and it's super important to him. He said that it should be important to the people that work that close with him. Scott said Benjy is an idiot but he loves him.
Scott said Benjy is strange and odd and he's going to act weird. Jon said that Benjy had a strange response to the whole thing. Gary thought he was going to go in and beg for forgiveness. He didn't do that at the end of the show though. Jon asked what time Benjy was going to show up on Monday. Gary said he may not show up at all. Will laughed.
This week's Best of the Week was over around 11:10am.