| Monday | Tuesday |
|
|
| Wednesday | Thursday |
|
|
| Friday | Latest Master Tape Theatre |
|
|
Howard and the guys were back from their week off today. Howard started the show talking about how Bubba the Love Sponge and Gerard Butler were going to be coming in today. Howard told Robin to get changed for Gerard. Robin said she'll be going on her honeymoon after the show so she'll have to change.
Howard said he has to start off talking about America's Got Talent but he's not going to tell anyone a fucking thing about it. Howard said there were a lot of scumbags who said he talked too much about it last year so he's not going to talk about it. He said he sat in his room thinking about it and he doesn't want to share now. Howard said he will tell you one thing though. He said they're still looking for talent and they're going to be in San Antonio next week. Robin asked how the weather was in New Orleans. Howard said he won't even tell her that.
Howard said Judd Apatow and Natalie Maines had a problem with it last year so he's not going to bring it up this year. He said he won't talk about the two new judges. He told everyone to fuck off. Howard said that Heidi Klum had all of her P.R. people with her down there. He stopped and said he's not even going to talk about that.
Robin said when she heard that Heidi was going to be on the show she figured she can't watch the show this season. She said she doesn't have any credibility. Howard said he didn't hire her. Howard said she does sit next to him. Howard said he and Howie are bookends to the two ladies. Howard said that she was actually good on the show. Howard said he won't talk about it though. Howard said it was fine. He said he wants to talk about it but he's sick of fuckers in the audience deciding what to talk about. Howard said he has so much to talk about.
Howard said he was down there and miserable in New Orleans but he doesn't want to tell her about it. Howard said he took such shit. Howard said he will call Robin and tell her about it on the phone. Robin said she wanted to hear about AGT. Howard said they're not going to hear about it. Howard said everyone wants to know but they complain so he won't talk about it.
Howard said he got all of the Twitter stuff last year so he's not talking. Fuck off. Howard said when he sees that he's just not talking. He said that Natalie Maines did say that she was sorry last year but Judd Apatow complained too. He said they're not the only ones. They're just the famous ones who complained.
Howard said he had a very interesting week down there. He said no one wants to hear about it so he's just going to leave. Howard said he's leaving now and going into the next room. Howard said he has plenty to talk about though. He said he's banning himself from talking about it. He said that's killing him though. Robin asked if he would change his mind and talk about it if some people want to hear. Howard said no. He said he knows the second he starts talking about it he gets the haters. He said he's punishing everyone over this now.
Howard tried to take a call but the guy wasn't there. Howard said Scott has to remember to hit the on button for the phones in the morning.
Howard got the caller on the line and he said he wanted to hear about AGT. Howard said he's not telling anyone about it. The caller said he knows there are more that want to hear about it than don't want to. Howard said that's not according to Twitter. He said he hates Twitter. He said that it's giving everyone access to have a radio show. He said Justin Bieber has 19 million followers and that's more than a radio show audience. Howard said you have to follow the account if you want to read what people are saying but it's not cool. He said that it's like a Larry King column. He said ''fuck twitter.'' He said it's just bullshit.
The caller said that he wanted to hear Howard talk about this chick who is on murder in Arizona. Robin said she knows about it and the woman has been on the stand for about 5 weeks. The caller thinks that she's going to get the death penalty. Howard said she's a cute chick who thinks she won't be convicted.
Howard said that Fred's drop special will be airing on March 18th. Howard said you should put that on your schedule.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he's already talking about AGT too much. He said he's just kidding and he thinks he should talk about it. The guy said that he likes that Howard gets to sit next to that Mel B. He thinks that she's hot. Howard said he actually sits next to Heidi but he's not going to talk about it anymore. Howard said he's punishing everyone.
Howard said he will talk to Robin about this off the air. He said she'll have a great conversation about it.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he should talk about AGT. Howard said no. The caller said the people who don't want to hear about it are not fans. He said that the fans want to hear about it. Howard said Judd Apatow doesn't want to hear about it so he's getting his wish. He said he's talked about it long enough.
Howard said this is a good punishment. He said that if you tell him this kind of stuff he's going to punish the audience from now on. Howard said they challenge him like he doesn't know what he's doing. He said everyone can go to your room because you're all punished.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why we have to suffer when it's Judd Apatow complaining. Howard said that everyone is suffering. He said he's sure he'll break down though.
Howard said he has a million things to talk about but he has all of these guests today. He said he won't get to anything.
Howard had some audio of Dennis with George Stephanopoulos. Howard said Kim Jong Un looks like Psy the Gangnam Style guy. Howard said he hopes Psy enjoyed his 15 minutes of fame. He played his song and asked what the chances are of him having another hit. Robin said it's zero. Howard played the clip of Dennis Rodman talking about sitting with Kim Jong Un and what he was saying about what he wants from President Obama. Dennis said he just wants a phone call. Rodman was telling George about what he found out about Kim Jong Un and how he isn't like his dad and he doesn't want to destroy this country. He said that he's misunderstood. Rodman said that he isn't like his father and George questioned him about the prison camps over there and Dennis said that we do the same thing here.
Howard and Robin talked about how nutty Dennis sounds and how some people are saying he's the worst ambassador for this country ever. Howard said he has to ask him about that. Howard said tensions have never been higher between this country and North Korea and our fate rests in the hands of a man who has broken his penis 3 times and was kicked off Celebrity Apprentice for drinking. Howard said maybe he can go to North Korea and play a game of HORSE with Kim Jong Un.
Howard said they're saying since he was so good with this kid that they're going to send Omarosa to talk to Ahmadinejad. Howard said that Henry Kissinger just signed with the NBA too. Howard said it'll be a complete switcheroo.
Howard played a little more of the Dennis Rodman interview. Rodman said that Kim Jong Un was a good guy to him and he's his friend. Rodman said that Clinton had sex with an intern and he gets to have all of this power. He said that Kim Jong Un isn't any different. He said he's a friend and that's it.
Howard said he thinks that he's going to be calling in to talk about this. Howard said he's a diplomat now. Robin said that anyone who needs publicity should call Dennis. Howard said things must be crazy over there.
Howard said that there were some reports that Liza Minelli is getting senile. Robin said that people are finally worrying about her. They didn't worry about her before this. Howard said there are signs that she's losing it. He played some of her songs that they had recorded with the wrong lyrics. Howard said she should only sound that good.
Howard said they found a porn clip of a woman riding a Sybian. Howard said she sounds like she has brain damage. Howard played the clip and the woman was mumbling and making weird noises while the Sybian was running.
Howard said that JD was on the Fat Guy Show with Jason and he was eating while talking. Howard played a quick clip of JD speaking and not sounding that much different than usual.
Howard played an Adele song where she sings about her food and being fat. That was a song parody of course. Howard said he likes this. Howard said he's going to take a break and talk about everything but AGT. He went to break a short time later.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Howard thought the song was great. Robin said she thought it was horrible. She said she's never been a big Blues person. Howard said he wasn't either but this album he liked. Fred said he was a big Alvin Lee fan too. Howard said he thinks he's more black than some black people. He said if she grew up in a black neighborhood she'd understand.
Howard played another Ten Years After song and said that it's not like all of that processed horse shit they play today. Robin said he must have been high when he heard this stuff. Howard said he might have been. Howard played another song and told Robin to listen to the guy. Howard said he loved it because it was different. Howard said the point of this is that the guy is dead. Howard said he loved Alvin Lee. He played some of his big performance at Woodstock. Howard said he loves talking to Leslie West about Woodstock because their management decided to not put them in the movie.
Howard said that this was their big hit. He played their song ''I'd Love To Change the World'' and went through the lyrics as they were listening. Howard said he's not sure what the guy is talking about.
Howard played the top 5 songs that included Rihanna at number 5. Howard said that she has a good voice. Number 4 was Taylor Swift. Howard said number 3 was Bruno Mars and number 2 was Macklemore and Ryan. Howard said those are the dudes who had the hit on the internet. He said Harlem Shake is the number 1 song. Howard said he's not into that whole thing. He said he doesn't get it.
Howard said this is just horrible and it sounds like shit. Gary said some people got into trouble for doing it on a plane. Howard said he heard that some people were fired for doing it. Howard said that some miners were fired when they did it.
Howard asked Gary about Bubba's girlfriend. Gary said he doesn't understand and how he gets them. Howard said he's on the radio and he has a career. He said chicks dig that. Howard said the guy is charming too.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she has to know what's going on with Heidi Klum. Howard said there will be no AGT talk. Mariann asked what Linda Stasi was talking about with him being groomed to be on NBC late night. Howard said no comment to that too. Howard said he got so much crap about AGT that he won't talk about it. Mariann said that Twitter is on fired over this. Howard said that people should shut their mouths. Howard said he's really not going to talk about AGT. He said he decided to punish the audience so they're going to have to beg him to talk about this stuff.
Howard said he can't legally talk about the Jimmy Fallon thing. He said that he really just likes the attention so that's why he's saying that. Howard said he likes that they think that he could be acceptable on TV. Howard said that it's really not working.
Howard said the guys went out on the street and asked random women who they would make love to if they had to have one. They gave them Howard Stern or that Oscar Pistorius guy and the women were picking the guy who shot his girlfriend. Howard played some of those interviews. One woman said she would go gay. One woman said Howard Stern and Howard said she's a sane woman. Howard played more interviews and women were picking Oscar.
Howard took a call from a guy who was at an AGT taping in New Orleans. He said he and his kid had a good time there. He asked if he's really the head judge like he said he was. Howard said he is the head judge. He said there is no question about it. Howard said that Howie wants to make jokes and he really is like the head judge. The caller said that he whole thing went smooth and went great. He asked why Howie can't sit still. Howard said Howie needs a lot of attention. He said he needs that camera on him all the time. Howard said that's what makes Howie, Howie. Howard let that caller go and said that's about as much AGT talk as they're going to get. Howard said if you want AGT talk then come to San Antonio next. He said that they'll talk there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's super excited to hear Howard and Bubba together. She said that Howard did great when they had Bubba on his channel. She said she'd love to hear him back on his channel. Howard thanked her for that call.
Howard said he has audio of this news anchor woman talking herself into a hole. He said that she was making a point but then talks her way out of the point. Howard played the clip and it was a news woman talking about AGT and how Heidi Klum was hired to be another judge on the show. The woman said that Mel B is the only one who is a performer out of the four. Howard said the woman tries to support her point and she says that she guesses that Howie is a comic so he's a performer too. Howard said she's digging herself into that hole. Howard said he goes on the radio for 4-5 hours a day and he's been number 1 for 30 years. He said he's not a performer. He said he's done TV, written books, a movie and more. He said that she's a fucking cunt. Robin said he didn't have to call her that. Howard said he's verified on Twitter too so this is very insulting. Howard played more of the audio and the woman said that the rest of them are pot stirrers. Howard said he's the highest paid guy in radio but he's not a performer. Howard apologized for calling the woman the C-word. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard said Bubba was depressed about his marriage ending and this woman, Nikki, came into his life. Bubba said she's very nervous today. He said she was only 20 when she first met him 10 years ago. Nikki said that she met him in Macon, Georgia at an appearance. Bubba said that he had the interns go out and get her number. He said that for a few years he was sweating her. He said she was living in St. Louis and he was calling her and being shady. He said this was before he even met Heather, his wife. Howard said Bubba was trying to carry on with her but they never had sex or anything. Bubba said he never even kissed. Nikki said they just talked for a few years. Howard asked if no guy lives up to Bubba. He asked if she fell for anyone before Bubba. Nikki said she did. She said nothing was permanent.
Bubba said he hadn't heard from her for 7 years and then she reached out to him. He said he doesn't like Facebook too much but she reached out and he had been thinking about her so it was great timing. Bubba said that he jumped right on it. He said she contacted him in February and she didn't show up down there until March or April.
Howard asked Nikki going to visit and asked if she was nervous after all those years because it was going to be about romance. Robin asked if the messages were romantic. Bubba said they weren't. He said that in February it was no but toward the latter part of March they were getting a little more provocative.
Howard asked if she stayed at his house. Nikki said she did. She said she didn't know if there would be chemistry. She said she was a nervous wreck getting off the plane. Howard said that things could have gone bad. He said that she could have had bad breath or something. Bubba said he gave her a breath mint at the airport. He said she was even more beautiful than he remembered her being. He said that she's 6 foot tall and he's only 5'10'' tall.
Howard asked Nikki if she was nervous about the whole thing. She said that it was a little nerve wracking in the beginning. Howard asked if Bubba will offer him Nikki like he did with Heather. Bubba said no way to that. He said he can't get into all of that very much but he knows what she likes and she's very conservative. He said that's probably good for him. He said Howard used to tell him that he was insane and he is insane so he has to adjust his moral compass a little bit. Howard said that he has calmed down a bit. Bubba said that he has a bit. Howard asked if Bubba would tell him no if he asked if he could be with her. Bubba said that he'll say no now but he has to leave things open for the future.
Howard asked Nikki about going back to Bubba's house and if she met his son. Bubba said that he's a good parent and he wouldn't do that. He said that he didn't introduce him to Tyler until mid-June. He said she was going to move in at that point. He said he was making sure that he had her in town when Tyler was with his mom. He said that he worked all of that out.
Howard asked Nikki if she dressed sexy for Bubba when she flew in. She said she had Yoga pants on. Bubba said that was hot. Howard said Bubba isn't in the best shape right now. He said he's had a lot of stress in his life. Howard said he has lost some weight though. Bubba said he's probably at 295 right now. He said he's been down to 239 but he always struggles. Howard asked if he's at towel wiping weight. Bubba said ''Come on Howard.''
Howard asked if Bubba was hitting the gym and trying to get into shape for her. Bubba said he's not like that. He said you either like him for who he is or not. He said that he isn't going to work out for someone like that. Howard said that she was okay with him being out of shape. Bubba said she knew what she was getting. He said all of her boyfriends were studs so he's not sure what she's thinking but he's going to ride this out as long as he can.
Howard asked Nikki if she knew she was falling for Bubba right away. She said she didn't. She said that she hadn't spent any quality time with him in 10 years. Bubba said that Beth can attest to that too. Howard said it took some time but now things are good. Howard asked if he gave her a room in his house. She said that he did do that before she agreed to fly down. Bubba said this sounds like some kind of negotiation.
Howard asked if she was nervous about the cameras being in the house. She said she wasn't but Bubba said they replaced the bedroom set because she had seen the sex tape thing.
Howard asked Bubba how he's doing with that whole thing. Bubba said he had nothing to do with it. He said that he and Hulk may never communicate again but he still considers them friends. Howard said that last they heard from him he was being sued by Hulk over that sex tape. Howard said Bubba went on the offensive. He said Hulk dropped him out of the case. Howard asked if he had a conversation with him before he was dropped. Bubba said he didn't. He said he's got no business in that now. He said he's not sure when it's going to go down.
Howard asked Bubba if Hulk is a good lay in the sack. Bubba said he wasn't in there so he doesn't know. Howard asked if Heather ever said anything. Bubba said she didn't. He said he didn't even see them have sex. He said he still hasn't seen that tape. He said he doesn't want to see it. Howard asked who taped it then. Bubba said that everyone was up to speed on what was going on and that's all he can legally say. Howard said he should have gone in on that offer. He said that if he was on tape he'd be pretty upset. Howard said he's glad he knew Bubba was inane. He said he asked him to sleep over and he's glad he didn't go. Bubba said that's not what it's about. He said that was an isolated incident.
Howard asked Bubba about what split them up. Bubba said that Heather was into things that he wasn't into. Howard said she was a Sunday school teacher. Bubba said he should have known.
Howard asked how weird it must be to have your best friend fucking your wife. Bubba said that he and Hogan are very good friends. He said he didn't have a problem with it and didn't even think about it too much. Howard said that means he didn't care that much about her. Bubba said he might be right. He said he'd be upset about it if he did love her that much. He said he'd be devastated if that happened with Nikki.
Bubba said that he has a daughter that he doesn't get to see anymore. He said he tries to be a good dad though.
Howard asked Bubba if he's upset that he and Hogan aren't friends. Bubba said he wishes that he could be. He said that he's said some things on Twitter that aren't really cool. He said that he did a lot for him and he doesn't like that he's doing that. He said he always took care of him and he did everything he could for him. Howard said he has taken him out of the lawsuit. Bubba said that he hopes that cooler heads can prevail. Howard said he doesn't think that can happen. Bubba said he might be right about that. He said he won't push the issue but maybe some day they can have a conversation in a positive way.
Howard asked Bubba if he ever got to have Hogan's wife. Bubba said that he didn't. He said Hulk was with Linda at the time so he wasn't interested in that anyway.
Bubba said he was very supportive of Terry's (Hulk) family during their tough times. He said that he would like to talk to him some day.
Howard said Bubba is in love. He asked if Nikki is in love too. Nikki said she is. Howard asked if she really loves this man. She said she does. She said she would like to marry him and she would do it right now. Howard said he heard Bubba got out of his marriage for only $80,000. Bubba said he had a great pre-nup. Nikki said she'd be fine with that same thing. Bubba said that her parents are really normal so he knows that she's not lying about that. He said that they're great people and they seem to like him.
Howard asked Bubba and Nikki how long it took to have sex. Nikki said it was that night she flew down. Bubba said he took her out on his Harley to eat and then to the beach. Howard asked if the restaurant had peanut shells on the floor. Bubba asked why he'd ask that. Howard asked if Nikki was surprised that he took her so swiftly. Bubba said she was the one who took him. He said he had to be in bed early for work and she took him. Howard asked if she was afraid that it wasn't Bubba that she was in bed with. Bubba said it was pitch black in the room at the time. Nikki said she was nervous initially. She said that being intimate with someone like that is tough. She said it was great though. She said it was a two hour marathon session. Howard asked if that was all of it. Nikki said that was start to finish. Howard asked what they did for two hours. Bubba said he has some skills. He said he won't get into particulars. Howard asked if he performed oral way too long. Nikki said their kissing and stuff lasted a long time because they hadn't kissed yet.
Bubba said that good men are almost lesbian like. He said he can make a woman squirt. She said Bubba made her squirt and it was her first time doing that. Howard asked what that means. Bubba said that women can let themselves go and do that. He said that if you do the two finger cul-de-sac thing then they can squirt. Howard asked if he made up that term. Bubba said it was a doctor he had on his show who taught him how to do it.
Nikki said that things don't go that long anymore. She said that it's not two hours. Howard said two hours is a long time. Howard said she's way beautiful and he's not sure how he could hold out that long. Bubba said that she wants to do it all the time and he just can't. Nikki said she's 31 and she's in her prime. Bubba said he's got no desire at 47.
Howard said he might have to bring in a ringer. Bubba said he might have to bring in Iron Sheik. Howard said if she gets married she might want kids. Bubba said he had a vasectomy. He said it was the smartest thing he ever did. Howard asked if she's fine not having kids. Nikki said she has her moments but she thinks realistically she wouldn't want to have kids. She said that Bubba has Tyler and she has the opportunity to take care of a kid without the diaper thing. Howard said maybe she and Hulk could make a child and Bubba could care for it. Bubba said she's not a fan of Hulk's.
Howard said Bubba and Hulk were best friends. Howard said Hulk was his best man at his wedding. Bubba said Hulk was late to his wedding but he was his best man. Howard was there too. He thanked Howard for showing up. Howard said he had a great time.
Howard brought up this lawsuit that Bubba just went through. Howard asked what the guy was looking for. Bubba said his lawyer brought up $2.5 million. He said that they were trying to sue him over some things he said about the guy. Bubba said the guy was a zoo keeper kind of guy and he had worked with him at Clear Channel. He said that they always hated each other though. He said he messed with the guy and then he filed a lawsuit against him. Bubba said a bunch of people told him not to do it but the guy went ahead with it. Bubba said that the guy was upset that he called his wife a whore. Bubba said he didn't call her a whore. He said he told the guy that he was whoring her out for radio. Bubba said that he had to go through years of lawyers and this lawsuit and he spent millions on the case. He said it was a nightmare. Bubba said this whole thing is a 60 Minutes episode.
Howard asked if he offered him a settlement. Bubba said he did but the guy didn't want to take it. He said he just wanted it to go away because it was bankrupting him. He said that's what the guy wanted. Bubba said the guy wanted him fired or something. He said Cox ended up backing him up and helping him out. He said that they believed in him when Sirius basically fired him. He said they offered him pennies on the dollar. Bubba said they have to go to mediation now. He said that the other guy is in it for $2.5 million. He said the guy has fired those lawyers and they have filed a lien against him for some big amount. Howard said Bubba must be happy about that. Bubba said the guy wanted him fired and wanted him bankrupted. Bubba said that he's the Howard Stern of Tampa and everyone wants to fuck with him. He said he's going to be on in St. Louis in a month and he's picking up some affiliates. Bubba said he would love to come back to Howard's channel. He said that he made a mistake not taking that pennies on the dollar offer. He said he misses having Howard and his fans.
Howard said that people can sue and it's not always a slam dunk. Bubba said he has won and this guy is now going to say he can appeal this case. He said he's going to ask him to sign something to get out of that. He said that the guy has more money than he does so will continue to grind his dick in the dirt. Bubba said sometimes when you win you don't really win. He said the whole thing was setting a slippery slope for the industry. He said that it was about name calling. Bubba said that he might have to call John DeBella in as a witness if this case continues.
Bubba told Howard that he was at the DeBella funeral. He said he was called by one of the guys at his station and he was right by the stage when Howard was doing his thing on stage. He said he was in the press conference room and Mark Driscoll was asking him to ask some questions and he said there was no way he was going to do that. He said he would have asked some stupid questions and Howard would have dressed him down. Bubba said for radio this whole thing would have been bad if the other guy had won.
Howard said Bubba wants to welcome his new affiliate in St. Louis. He said you can also visit BTLS.com and find Bubba on Twitter. Bubba said he's shying away from Twitter now. He said he has some stalkers now so he's getting out of that.
Howard asked if Bubba and Nikki are going to get married. They don't have any plans right now but Howard said he would like them to have the same preacher that Bubba had with Heather. Bubba said that he must have been on to something because he wanted to sleep with Heather.
Bubba said he has a guy in New Jersey who has a Paintball thing and he's a big fan of Howard and Fred's. He said his name is Geno.
Howard said that he is happy for Bubba and Nikki. He said Nikki is very beautiful. He said Bubba's show is going well and he's got some affiliates. Bubba said he's trying to get back on there on Sirius too. He said he has some meetings there today. He said he has to kiss some ass to get back on.
Bubba said that Benjy looks good and seems less weird today. He said that he should be sitting in that seat actually. Howard asked if Bubba is working out to lose some weight. Bubba said he was for a while.
Howard asked if Bubba still has his night club. Bubba said he got rid of one and got another. He said he still has his race track. He said he likes going to that track over going to the club. He said that Nikki doesn't like the track so much. He said she stays home when he goes there.
Howard asked if Nikki is involved with his business. She said that she is involved with the merchandise. Howard said that they learned a lot today and learned that Nikki squirted. Bubba said they talked about a lot of things today and that's the one that Howard picks out.
Howard asked Bubba if he was upset about Alvin Lee dying. Bubba had no idea who he was. Bubba said he didn't know who Gerard Butler was either but Nikki told him he's got that rugged look that she likes. Howard said that he's banged every hot chick in Hollywood just about. Bubba asked Howard who he thinks is the hottest chick out there in Hollywood. Bubba said he likes that Minka Kelly. Howard joked about some hot guys. Robin got in on that too.
Bubba told Howard that Brent sends his best. He said that he has a new woman and he's doing really well with her. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that the songs are coming in already about AGT. Howard played a Little Mikey song parody where he sings about Howard not talking about AGT. Mikey sent in at least two song parodies about that. Howard said that he's not going to talk about AGT.
Howard said he has to kill some time waiting for Gerard Butler. Howard said he's on his way up. Howard said that he was working during that week off from radio. He said he won't talk about it though. He said that's it. Howard said Gerard is probably having sex with someone in the elevator on the way up. Robin said he just got out of rehab or something. She said he went right into rehab after being on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bubba lasts for 2 hours because he's still using his rattler. He said that he's on pain killers so he can last a long time. Howard said maybe he's right.
Another caller said that he was at the New Orleans taping and they were great shows. Howard said yeah, and he's not talking about it. Howard said that everyone is calling in asking what happened but he's not going to talk about it because people complained last season. The caller said that Mel B and Heidi Klum looked amazing. Howard said that they're going to be in San Antonio soon and he hopes the fans come out and hang out.
Howard said he saw some good acts in New Orleans but they want more. He said that he forgot about how they did the show. He said he wanted to talk about the stuff that went on there but he wants to punish the people like Judd Apatow over his complaints.
Wheels called in and said that it's funnier to hear Howard bitching about the show. He asked Howard which of the girls is hotter to him. Howard said he's not talking about it. Wheels said he's not talking about it either. Howard got out of that and got to Gerard Butler.
Howard said that Gerard is a very masculine man but he's a fan of Barbra Streisand. Howard said that Gerard likes her music. Howard said he's a fan of her movies. Howard and Gary mentioned a few of her movies. Howard asked if he's a fan of her music. Gerard said that the difference in quality of voice and charisma between her and today's stuff is huge. He said that she had all of that and today's singers don't. Howard played a second of one of her songs and asked Gerard if he knew what song it was. Gerard said he's not good with song names. He said that he can't test him on this stuff. Howard said it was ''You Don't Bring Me Flowers''. Gerard said he gave him two notes. He said he really hates this. Howard played another one and he didn't know that one either.
Gerard said he has to explain something. He said there was a reason he did this. Howard said he knew he was lying about it. Gerard said he grew up with Barbra's music. He said that she was a big hero in Scotland where he grew up. He said he went to see her in concert and everyone was there. He said that he just saw her recently with Sting and other people there. He said she's iconic.
Howard asked if Gerard is putting out a rock album. Gerard said he's not. He said people put this stuff out there and they have great imaginations. He said he gets some insane stuff in the tabloids. Howard asked if it's about women. Gerard said a lot of it is. Howard said he's having sex constantly according to the tabloids. Howard said he said he was having sex coming up in the elevator. Gerard said he was. He said that he's really not that busy sexually.
Gerard said that you sit in your bed in Hollywood and thinks about how someone is writing a story about how he's shagging someone. He said if they could only seem him watching TV they'd know.
Howard said Gerard is a great looking guy. He said he has the same jacket as Gerard does and he doesn't look that good in it. Howard said that Jon Varvatos has some great clothes but he still looks like shit even in really nice clothing.
Howard asked Gerard if he got women before he was in movies. Gerard said he didn't lose his virginity until he was 17. He said he was pretty popular in school. He said he remembers flirting with a girl once and they ended up just looking at each other. He said that she gave him a smile and it made him feel so good. He said that's when he felt some stirrings down below. He said he made a joke and he figured out how to do it. He said he flirted constantly after that because of his addictive personality.
Howard asked if he got blown a lot. Gerard said he made out a lot. Howard said he had a lot working against him when he was a kid so he had to overcome all of that. Gerard told Howard he and the girls did a dare thing where they'd put their hands on each other's leg. He said they did that in class and once in the toilet at his parent's house. Howard asked Gerard why he didn't make love to that girl. Gerard said he just didn't know what he was doing.
Gerard said he went to visit his brother's house when he was in college. He said he had a box full of porn magazines about 4 feet high. He said that he was a law student at the time. He said he was dropped in the middle of the street and he was kind of crazy. He said he opened the door while he was still moving and dived out of the car. He said he was rolling on the ground and he thought the guys would love it. He said that his buddy got out and threw all of the porn magazines and said ''And stay away you fucking pervert!'' and drove off. He said it was the worst. He said he had all of this porn laying on the ground and he was just smiling and laughing at people while he was picking it all up.
Howard said they get a loot of porn there. He said that his wife asked him to bring home some of the dildos they get for a friend. He said that Beth had them in a bag and the bag ripped while she was bringing them to a friend. He said that she had to pick them all up from the ground. He said that's just awful.
Gerard said he was in a bar one time and he had a bunch of condoms with him. He said he had 5 and they were in his pocket and the jacket had a hole in it. He said this girl picked them up off the ground and gave them back to him. He said that wasn't his best moment.
Howard asked Gerard if he still wears condoms with a chick. Gerard said he does. Howard said he knows a lot of guys who say they won't use one. Howard said they laugh at him for still using them. Gerard asked if he still uses one with his wife. Howard said he does and Gerard laughed.
Howard asked Gerard if he worries about his looks. He said he's a leading man type and he must worry about fucking up his face playing sports. Gerard said he might look in the mirror and think he looks like shit in the morning. He said that guys are lucky because the wrinkles can work for you. Howard said if a producer says to him that he has to do some Botox, would he do it. Gerard said if it was for a role he might do it. He said he's willing to look ugly for a role so he might be willing to do that. He said he won't do it for himself. He said coming from Scotland you're just not wired that way.
Howard asked if he trims his bush. Gerard said he doesn't. Robin asked if he's circumcised. He said he isn't. He said he still has the umbilical cord attached. He said that might be why he didn't get laid until he was 17. Howard said he's so against circumcision. Howard said that it has to be wrong to do. Gerard said it's very sensitive for him so he can only assume that it takes away from the sensation. They ended up talking about cleaning that thing and spent a minute on that.
Howard said that Gerard must have put on 30 pounds of muscle for the movie 300. Gerard said it was about 30. He said that he had the drive back then to do that. He said when he got that role it was crazy. He said they had just been green lit and they didn't want to put him forward to the big cheese. He said that Warner Brothers wasn't sure about him. He said that they asked him to call the head of Warner Brothers to ask about it. He said it was very embarrassing. He said he was told that it wasn't the way they did things. Gerard said he never does things like that. He said he's not normally forward like that. Gerard said that he learned that he had to be that way for that part. Gerard said you have to keep looking up instead of on a parallel level. Gerard said that he had to fight for it and that's when that tenacity comes out.
Howard said you can't lose that hunger because the good roles are the ones that people are fighting over. Howard asked who his guy is that he has to fight over parts for. He said that it might be Russell Crow or Jeremy Renner or Tom Hardy. He said you have to believe that they go with the guy who they should go with. He said he lost a role to a guy who was English once and he was playing a Scottish guy. He said it just inspires him to work harder. Gerard said that he tries to look at it that way.
Howard asked if it's really hard to play a part with a non-Scottish role. Gerard said that he's losing his Scottish accent from doing the American accent so much. Howard asked who he emulates in the movies. Gerard said he won't focus on one person. He said that he works with a dialect coach and he learns how to do that. He demonstrated what it sounds like and did his American accent. Howard asked him to say ''The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.'' with his American accent. Gerard did it and he sounded like an American. Howard said that has to be difficult to do on the set of a movie.
Gerard said that he found that he has to walk around all day talking like an American. He said that his buddy told him he sounded like an idiot walking around all day like that. He said he was trying to do it to make it natural. Howard said he was thinking about Daniel Day Lewis walking around as Lincoln all day and he thought he was a tool but he gets it in a way. He said the guy is a great actor. He said that he can't imagine walking around all day as Lincoln. Howard wondered how far he takes it and if he acts shocked when he sees a cell phone.
Howard asked Gerard if he plays an American in his new movie. Gerard said he does. Howard asked if it was tough. Gerard said it was. Howard said he plays a guy protecting the president from North Koreans. Gerard said he plays a secret service guy. Howard asked what the story is. Gerard said it's basically North Koreans attacking. He said that Aaron Eckhart plays the President. He said they wanted to make him young and fresh with a bit of attitude. He said the movie opens with him boxing the President. He said they have him working out like that as the President.
Howard asked if they bring in Ambassador Dennis Rodman to help out. Gerard got a laugh out of that. He said that the North Koreans aren't the bad guys in the movie. He said they're just unpredictable. He said if they made a movie about Latinos attacking then no one would see it. He said they have terrorists in the movie and that's what this is all about.
Howard said that Kevin Costner played a great Secret Service guy in The Bodyguard. Gerard said he had a part as an extra in that movie. He said that he was supposed to go home and he ended up joining a traveling circus. He said his parents thought he was out of his mind. Gerard said if he had gone back hone he would have spent his life as a lawyer. He said he would have been committing his life to a life where you only get two weeks off a year.
Howard asked what Gerard did in the circus. Gerard said that he was running a ride where you had to try and grab something while it was moving. He said that he was the barker telling people to try the ride. He said he ended up getting the part as an extra in The Bodyguard thanks to a friend he had met years before. He said that the guy is now an assistant director. Gerard said that he painted this guy's house in Spain 20 some years ago and then he worked on this new movie ''Olympus Has Fallen'' that he's in.
Howard asked when this movie is coming out. Gerard said it's coming out on the 22nd. Gerard said that he had to do 80 interviews yesterday. He said he hates that but the movie is really good and they're getting reviews. He said that the reviewers are loving it. He said that people are screaming at the screen. Howard asked if there is any nudity. Gerard said no. Howard asked who decided that. Gerard said he tried. Howard said that's the way it is these days. He said that it's almost like the stars are above it now. Gerard said that this movie is hard core and very emotional. He said he has a wife in it. He said that he has to pull the president off his wife in a car accident in the movie. Howard asked if this is his James Bond movie. Gerard said it doesn't feel like James Bond. Howard asked if he would want to play Bond. Gerard said he loved the last movie and he thinks he could do it.
Howard asked if he had to audition for this movie. Gerard said he produced it so he didn't have to. He said they have a lot of big names in this movie.
Howard said he's glad to hear that he has a small penis. Gerard said it's not only small but thin too. Howard said he's happy to hear that. Howard said he should have a difficulty like that. He asked if women laugh at it. Gerard said he just does that to get sympathy.
Howard asked if he was upset about Brandi Glanville coming in there to talk about sleeping with him. Gerard said that was at a party. He said they hung out and had a little fun. He said he was walking down the street one day with Antoine Fuqua and someone came up to him and told him they heard about it. He said he didn't even know her name when this person brought it up. He said he didn't know that she was going to go around talking about it. Gerard said that he said he didn't know who she was and he had to say he was sorry about that. Howard said that she was the one who put it out there. Gerard said he knows. Howard asked if Brandi could have kept that going if she hadn't done that. Gerard said she was a nice girl but it was just a one afternooner kind of thing. Howard said she's fucking wild. He said he likes a wild woman. Robin said sure he does, she's seen who he married. Howard said maybe Beth is wild in bed too. Howard said she's really not.
Howard asked Gerard if he almost drowned in a movie he did where he surfed. That was ''Chasing Mavericks.'' Gerard said he did. He said that he wanted to really surf a wave and he had just learned. He said he wasn't that good. He said he learned to surf big waves before little ones. Gerard said he just wanted to be in the actual shot. He said he got up on some big waves like 4 times. He said he got away with that but then the week after he had to paddle out. He said that he was paddling out and huge waves were coming in. He said they were in the worst position and this huge wave came from about half a mile away. He said he was told to start paddling and he had to get out of the way of the wave. He said it was the size of a 3 story building. Gerard said he was exhausted and he went down and didn't seem to come back up. He said it's at the end of the wave so there's so much gas in the water that you don't rise above it. He said the board was ripped off of him and he was out of breath. Then the next wave came. He said he thought he was going to die. He said the guy who shot the movie has had to be revived like 3 times. He said that the guy got the bends from going down too far once. He said the guy is amazing.
Gerard said they kept filming him even though he was gasping for air. He said that they eventually got to him but he was already at the rocks where the waves crash in. He said that was about 200 yards. Gerard said he thought this was going to become a disaster for the movie. Howard said that accidents do happen. He said Vick Morrow lost his head in a helicopter accident. Gerard said there was one movie where 12 guys lost their lives in a helicopter accident.
Howard said he wants to get back to his small penis. Howard said he actually wanted to talk to him about going into rehab shortly after he was on the show last time. Howard said he thought he was sober at the time. Gerard said he doesn't drink. He said he has hurt his back and he had a lot of back pain. He said he was put on pain meds. Howard asked what he was hooked on. Gerard jokingly said it was heroin. He said it actually Vicodin. He said that he was just taking it normally. He said by the time he went to rehab he wasn't even doing that much of it. He said he went to this rehab for the back pain. He said that they did this program where you learn about how pain is caused by stress and things like that. He said the rehab was amazing. He said he was in for about 23 days. Howard asked if he had a lot of other people in the program with him. Gerard said there were a few. He said that some of them are really out there.
Gerard said that they weren't supposed to talk to women at the rehab so he got into trouble when women would talk to him. He said that one woman left him a note under his door saying that she wanted to do something. He said that he also had a roommate who was great. He said the guy snored so loud that even ear plugs didn't work. Howard said he would have to take Vicodin just to get through that.
Gerard said that everyone should do something like this. He said it's a great experience. Howard asked if he can masturbate during rehab. He said that he did but he was told he had to do it in his room. Howard asked if they tell you not to touch yourself. Gerard said they don't and he can't remember if he did or not.
Howard asked if he was the only famous guy there. Gerard said he wasn't. He joked that he would tell them who the others were. He didn't do that though. Gerard said that he learned so much in there and he's so glad that he went.
Gerard said there's a book about how you can feel the vibration from meditation and things like that. Howard asked if he went one some experience and came home saying he could have fire come out of his hands. Gerard said he actually said fire would come out of his ass. Gerard told Howard about this camp he went to and how this guy claimed that he could pass along his power and these kids were able to have out of body experiences. He said that they started a university called Oneness University. Gerard told Howard about it being about being in touch with your emotions. He said you just have to let out your emotions. He said they'd give you your blessings every day and he started feeling a tingling in his head about 3 days into it. He said they'd hold your head during the blessings. He said that they told him he could pass along the blessings himself eventually. He said he knows this sounds crazy but it really happened. Gerard said he started giving blessings to people and he did it to his girlfriend. He said she went right to the toilet and threw up and then she felt amazing.
Howard asked if he really thought he could pass fire out of his hands. Gerard said it was just energy, not fire. Howard said that people go and take a 2 week class and they think they can pass along blessings.
Gerard said he had a blessing once and he started to feel life like he'd never felt it again. Howard wondered if it was that gazer that Robin found out about. Gerard said that he was a Brazilian guy. Gerard said that this guy healed his back and he got sick for 3 days after. Howard said he has to talk to him off the air about back pain. Gerard said that he couldn't believe the difference after he did the back pain thing. Howard said he's going to talk to him about Dr. John Sarno after the interview. Gerard said he's heard of him.
Howard said he sees that Gerard is dating a new woman. Gerard said he is. He said that he's in deep like with her. Howard said she's very good looking. They had a picture of her up on the monitor in the studio. Gerard said he met her in New York after an art gallery opening. He said he was talking to her and she was texting this guy Paul Haggis. He said they both knew him. He said that he wanted to go on a walk with her and he brought her back to his place and tried on some hats. He said he has like 200 hats so they had fun with that. He said he went to visit her a few days later while she was in Italy.
Howard asked how he met her. Gerard said that he was at an art gallery opening after party. He said his friend owns the club they were at. Howard asked about going to his apartment and why they didn't kiss or anything. Gerard said he was just having a great time. He said he didn't kiss or anything. Howard said he was playing it the right way. Howard asked if he banged her in Milan. Gerard said they spent 3 days in Milan and they were very paranoid about Papparazzi. He said they spent 8 days traveling Scotland and staying in castles and things like that.
Howard asked if she has laid down the law about him fucking around on her. Howard said he'll screw it up if he does that. Gerard said she really didn't have to do that. Howard asked if he's going to marry her. Gerard said that Howard knows what he's like. He said that he would love to have kids some day. Howard said Steve Martin just had his first at 67. Gerard said that's a little young. He said some people say that they want to have kids young so they can play basketball. He said he can't play basketball so he doesn't want them for that reason.
Howard said Gerard will never be able to settle down. He said it's insane for him. Howard asked if he knows George Clooney. Gerard said he does and he seems happy with his life. Gerard said he would love to settle down and have kids some day. If it doesn't happen then he's fine with that too.
Howard gave Gerard some plugs for the movie ''Olympus has Fallen'' and said you can follow him on Twitter @GerardButler.
Howard asked how it was hanging out with Mel Gibson at some dinner. Gerard said he's an amazing guy to listen to. He said he has an amazing mind. He said he dug him. Howard said Jonah Hill was part of that too. Leonardo DiCaprio and Bradley Cooper were there too. Howard asked if he gets jealous of any of those guys when it comes to show business. Gerard said that you can't think that way or it'll come back to bite you in the ass. He said he's happy for those guys who do well when they're great actors.
Howard asked Gerard about some of the guys he was hanging with and who paid for dinner. Gerard said it was a sponsored event they were at. Howard said they should have made Mel pay.
Howard said Gerard is having some life. Gerard asked for some water or something. Howard gave him a bottle. Howard said he could talk to him all day. He said they've gone an hour and a half already. Gerard didn't believe it.
Howard said that he hopes this new relationship works out and they don't end up in a place where he asks himself how he ever stayed up until 7am trying on hats. Gerard said he hopes so too. Gerard said that they have gotten into it a couple of times. He said she's a fiery woman.
Howard asked what kind of deal he got on this movie. Gerard said he was about to tell him but he remembered that this is on radio. He said he tells Howard so much but he won't tell him that.
Gerard said that his mom's birthday is today actually. He said that she turned 70. He said that they go to this place called The Villages and they hang out with people their age staying busy. Howard said he just wants to eat and sleep at that age. Gerard said he was told that she was going on a 5 mile kayak ride. He said that his mom capsized and he got a really long email explaining what happened. He said they're crazy to do that at their age.
Gary said he saw something on 60 Minutes about that place. He said everyone has a golf cart there. Gerard said that his mother said that she's staying there for 3 months because she had to pay for 3 months. He said that they stay for 3 months every year and it's like torture for her.
Howard said that they heard a lot today. Howard said they learned about his small, thin penis and much more. Howard said he's a great guy and he's a lot of fun. Howard said that the women are a pain in the ass and Gerard can heal you. Howard said you'll tingle in your head if he heals you.
Gerard said that he came home from India after that healing thing and he felt really strange on his way home. He said he got faint. He said his doctor checked his pulse and he had an arrhythmia going on. He said that his heart rate was really high and they had to give him some medication. He said that he had never had it in his whole life. He said that this stuff is real. He said that's not much of a selling point for that though.
Gerard said that he went on a bike ride in the Ganges and he ended up drinking some water that he thought was fresh. He said he was sick for a month after that. He said he thought the water was clean up in the higher elevations but then later he saw that the people shit in the water up there. He said he went to Varanasi where they burn the bodies and the water is really filthy. Howard said they could talk for another two hours about that India trip. He said he really has to end this though. Howard said he has to hang out with Gerard and Leo and all of those guys. Gerard said he has to hang out with him. He said he really likes Howard. Gary said that Gerard really has to go. Howard said of course he does. They've talked for an hour and a half. Howard gave him some more plugs and started to wrap up. Gerard said he's super proud of this movie. He said it's terrifying and great. Howard said he's going to see it. Gerard said he has to go do Kelly and Michael and then Piers Morgan tonight. He said it's a crazy day. Howard asked if he could do a blessing where he does something for his face. Howard said it would be horrible if he did that and gave him his face. He said he'd never do another movie again. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he's not sure why Jay took off on that guy so much. The caller said he was the one who sent in that clip. He said he's going to be doing a radio show with Jesse on the internet. He said they had their last episode last week.
Howard said they took a clip of Jay's yelling and made a prank call. Howard played the clip and they called a guy named Jesse and had Jay yelling at the guy not to call him anymore. The guy said he was a lying son of a bitch.
Howard cut the caller off when he kept plugging the internet radio shows. Robin said he's just doing an ad. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Fred played Robin into her news with a Little Mikey song parody. Howard said that the rumors are true that he's going to be taking over the Jimmy Fallon slot. He said he's also been signed to anchor the NBC nightly news. He said he'll be on The Office, Community and Parks and Recreation as well as Whitney. He said he's going to replace Bart Simpson on The Simpsons as well. Howard said NBC is genius.
Howard said NBC told him that they're not firing Jay Leno. He said he really just wants to keep the rumor going though. He said he's the biggest guy in radio and he hates to think that the best he can come up with is a 12:30am time slot on TV. Howard said they act like he's a beginner or sometime. Howard said it's an insult to him. He said that maybe they'll let him take over Carson Daly's show at 4 in the morning.
Howard said some people were saying that he was too old to do a late night show. Howard said Regis started his show when he was his age.
Howard said that he read about some woman who drowned her son because she thought his penis was too small. Howard said this was in India. Robin wondered why she would care about that. Howard said he prays that he was that kid's size every day of his life. Howard said that there is a concept called grower Vs. show-er. He said that you have to keep that in mind. Howard said that he grows his hair long to cover up the marks on his neck from where his mother tried to strangle him.
Robin said Howard hasn't mentioned The Walking Dead this season. She asked if he's watching. Howard said he has seen the first 5 episodes. Howard said Ralph got them for him. He said he's not sure how that happened but he had them. Howard said he thinks that it's the best season so far. Robin said that she didn't want to say much about it because she doesn't want to be called a spoiler.
Robin said that she will be watching Celebrity Wife Swap because Gilbert Gottfried is going to be on. Howard said he has no interest in that show at all. He said he recorded the episode with Mark McGrath but he hasn't watched it. Howard said Gilbert must be really desperate to do that show. Howard wondered if there's any chance that his wife won't go back to Gilbert.
Gary came in and said that they had a task on Celebrity Apprentice and Gilbert gave a $10,000 check. Gary said that it can't be possible that he gave his own money. Howard said he can't believe it was his. Howard played a bit called ''The Spoiler'' where they had audio of Robin spoiling a TV show.
Robin read about Valerie Harper coming out and saying she only has about 3 months to live. Howard said he loved her as Rhoda. Howard had some of her statement that she gave recently. In the clip she talks about this rare form of cancer she was diagnosed with. She said she's sharing this to let everyone know that we're all terminal. She said no one gets out of this life alive. Valerie said that her husband is getting through this and they can face everything. Valerie said she feels well right now and she wants everyone to know what's going on.
Robin read about how the History channel has some original programming on. She said they have one called The Vikings and one called The Bible that has turned into a huge hit. Robin said the second episode aired last night and it's doing very well in the ratings. Robin said that they had 13 million viewers the first week. Howard said he recorded it but deleted it before even watching it. Robin said that she recorded it and saw the guy who is playing Jesus. She said he's like a sex symbol. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the conclave at the Vatican and how the cardinals are meeting one more time about the selection process for the new Pope. They spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard replayed some of the song parodies he played earlier in the morning. Howard also replayed a Taylor Swift parody that he played before they went on vacation. Howard said he was reading about how Taylor got upset about a joke Tina Fey made about her. Howard said Taylor says there's a place in hell for women who don't help other women. Howard said she has to calm down. He said she writes songs and bashes guys that she dates. Howard said she doesn't mind women bashing men but she doesn't want women bashing other women. He said that's an odd thing.
Robin read about the social media site that Corey Booker helped found and how the site has become hate filled with some holocaust denier posts and stuff like that. Howard said they had a bulletin board on their web site and it became nothing but negative things about them so he had it shut down. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about how Chuck Schumer is speaking out about the TSA possibly letting knives on board planes. Robin said that Chuck thinks this is a mistake. Howard had audio of Schumer talking about that.
Howard was talking about Mayor Bloomberg and what he's done there in the city. Howard said that he did come out and say he's going to ban earphones being too loud. Howard said that we have mutants out there who have them turned up too loud. Howard said you see these jackoffs who have ear phones on while driving or riding bicycles. Howard said they get into an accident or walk into the street not even knowing a car is coming. Howard said it's a real hazard. Robin had some audio of Bloomberg talking about the ban on sodas. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Eric the Actor who is celebrating a birthday today. Howard said he didn't have much time for him today. He said that maybe tomorrow he can talk to him. Howard said he's 38 and he's defied all of the doctor's predictions for how long he'd live. Howard said they should tell Valerie Harper about that. Howard asked what Eric did. Eric said he doesn't know. He said he didn't keep from doing what Mayor Bloomberg wants. He said he drinks as much soda as he wants. Howard said if he was Eric he would too. Howard said he should hook Eric up with Valerie Harper. He asked Eric of he would do that. Eric said ''Sure.'' Howard asked what girl he'll be jerking off to on this special day. Eric said he has no idea. Howard played a song parody they made using Eric's various noises.
Howard asked Eric what he would wish for on this day if he had a wish. Eric said he would like to go through one day without putting up with bullshit. Howard said he doesn't want to be bothered on Twitter today. Howard asked Eric if he'd be interested in $5,000. Eric said he would so Howard gave a plug for the theme song contest they have going on. He told Eric to give that a try. Howard said he'd love to hear Eric sing anything. That led to them playing an edited version of Eric singing ''Wild Thing.'' Eric said his wish of putting up with no bullshit didn't last long. Howard wishes him the best and said he hopes all his dreams come true. Eric said he and Johnny will have some announcements to make in the next couple of days. Howard thanked him for the call and for keeping it brief.
Howard asked Gary where some stuff was that he gave to him before the show. Gary said he didn't give it to him because they had guests today. Gary said he didn't think he had time to give it to him. Howard said he had time. He said there's always time.
Robin read a story about a transgender kid that they have in a school. She asked what you're supposed to do about that and which bathroom they should use. Howard said he wouldn't care if the kid used the boy's bathroom if he had his cock chopped off. He said that if he has a penis he should be in the men's room. Robin said kids aren't getting their cocks cut off. Howard said when you're a child you should use the right bathroom. Robin said that the parents are fighting to get the kid back in school but the school won't even talk to them. Robin said this is an elementary school problem. Howard said they should just have one bathroom and let people use it. Howard said he hates public bathrooms where everyone shits. Howard said he'd home school the kid if that was his kid. Robin said you're saying something is wrong with it then. Howard said if the kid is that femme then just let the kid use the girl's bathroom. Robin said that the school didn't want to let the child use the girl's bathroom. Howard said that's a problem. He said he would have faked it and tried to get into the girl's bathroom like that too. He said that's why they can't let a boy use the girl's bathroom.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton possibly running for office in 2016. Howard said that she's getting up there in age but she could probably do it. Howard said she should be playing golf at that age though. Howard asked if 70 is too old to take over the Jimmy Fallon show.
Robin read about Jeb Bush talking about his brother and how he'll go down in history as a great President. She had some audio of him talking about his possible run for President.
Robin read about Tiger Woods winning a golf tournament. Howard said that he's back with his wife and she's like his lucky charm. Howard said that she really must have some special powers.
Robin read about how Jimi Hendrix is going to be on the Billboard top 200 list this week. Robin said that the new album should debut at number 2 this week. Robin said they say that it'll be his highest chart placement since the 1970s. Robin said it features previously unreleased songs from 1968 and 1969. Robin had one of the songs for Howard to play. Howard wondered what took so long. He said it's all leftover crap but the family puts it out. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:40am.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Bubba said that Nikki didn't want to go into the studio today. He said that she's kind of a private person. He said she doesn't even have a Twitter account. Gary asked what happened when he walked in the green room. Bubba said Gary went right to Nikki and didn't even say hello to him.
Gary asked what Nikki does for a living. Bubba said she worked for Cintas in Chicago. He said that she's working for him now with his merchandise. Gary asked if she lives with him now. Bubba said she does. Gary asked if they can go their won way if they break up. Bubba said that he had a conversation with her father and told him that he'll take care of her and make sure that she has what she needs. He said he bought her a new car and she can take that. He said he's told her to save money just in case. He said it's kind of a negative way to look at it but that's the way it is.
Jon said that both Howard and Bubba are professional so did things go the way he expected. Bubba said he knows how it's going to go. He said his prediction was right too.
Gary said that he was kind of shocked he said that sex tape was an isolated incident. Bubba said it really was. He said that there are rumors out there and almost all of them are false. He said that the majority of them are false.
Jon said he knows that Hulk was Bubba's best friend for a long time so is it awkward that they're in this situation. Bubba said he did say that they're going to be friends but they may not speak again. He said that's the way their friendship was. He said other stuff may come out about this but that's all he can say about it. Bubba said that they are going to work together to figure out who released the tape and figure out why Gawker did this to them.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Bubba's two fingered cul-de-sac thing. Bubba said he was working on a book while he was on the radio there. He said he can't do it while he's on terrestrial. Gary said Bubba told them some stories while they were at his wedding and they were fascinating. Bubba said that he has some unbelievable stories. Gary said Bubba has been to every city doing radio. He said that he's got some very interesting stories to tell. Bubba said that he has some even more shocking stories than Howard has. He said that he had to fight his way up. They had to go to break a short time later.
Bubba said he had someone in the studio last week and they used the term Jump the Shark and he realized that it's really a part of Americana now. He said he's proud of Jon for that. Jon said he knows it'll be on his tombstone when he dies.
Jon asked Bubba about Howard not talking about AGT today. Bubba said he knows what he was doing there. He said he knows that they'll get the story eventually. He said that's a good tactic.
Jon asked Bubba if he was afraid that Howard was going to go down a road that they didn't want to. Bubba said that Nikki isn't used to that stuff but he will blurt stuff out like that. He said that Nikki loves him because he's knee jerk sometimes. He said that she was prepared for it. He said she will come on his show once in a while but he doesn't have her on as much as the last one.
Jon said that being on this show is much different than being on Terrestrial. Bubba said they can't even have people throw up on the show anymore because it's a body excrement.
Jon asked Bubba about being at the Philly funeral. Bubba said he did go to the press conference and he remembers it being in a room with wood all over it. Gary said he remembers that room. He said Danny Bonaduce was there that day too. Bubba said he was in the audience and he was covering it live for the station he was on. Bubba said he knew that Howard would give him a dressing down if he had asked any questions. He said that Howard would have crushed him and he didn't want that. Bubba said he was only there for 90 days. He said he got fired for being too outlandish between the records.
Gary asked Bubba how many radio stations he's worked at in the 30 years he's been in the business. Bubba went through a bunch. He said he has crazy stories about being fired and what they wanted to do with him and how they wanted to change his name. He said every market had different things that they wanted him to do and he told them to fuck off.
Bubba said that he trademarked his name in 1989 so he could sue people over the use of his name. Bubba said that Scott Shannon wanted to hire him at Pirate Radio. He said that Scott wanted him to just play music for 6-8 months and do nothing else. Bubba said that Scott ended up slipping him a ticket to fly home instead of one that left in a couple of days.
Bubba said that he worked in Philadelphia and he didn't do well with the girls there. He said he loved Milwaukee though. He said he had a good time there with the fans. He said it's a good town. Gary said he was there one day. They had to take another break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary what he thought of the Brandi Glanville thing. Gary said he thinks that he was kind of embarrassed he didn't remember who she was. Gary said Robin was gushing over him while he was in there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jon and Gary's show ''For What it's Worth'' is really good. He said that he thought that the interview with Butler was really good. He said that Howard does interviews that make you care about these people. He said that Lady Gaga was like that.
Jon said the other thing they talked about was Alvin Lee dying. Jon said Robin wasn't buying into the stories he was telling. Gary said Howard did love the guitar heroes of that era.
Jon asked if they're going to hear from Rodman this week. Gary said they might hear from him tomorrow. He said it's very funny to hear John Kerry answering questions about Dennis Rodman going over to North Korea. Jon said that he's making the most of this whole thing too.
Jon said the other thing they talked about was the Jimmy Fallon thing. He said Howard was saying that he couldn't comment on it. He asked Gary if he could imagine Howard doing that slot. Gary said Howard would have to take that slot and make it his own.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she loves Gerard Butler. She also asked if Robin is going to return to the studio live. Gary said she'll be back in the studio eventually. Jon said she'll come back when she's ready to come back. The caller asked if that's going to be when Howard's contract is up. The caller said she knows Robin is okay and healthy enough to stand in line to vote. Gary said standing in line to vote doesn't make you healthy. Gary said again that she'll come back when she's ready. they had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Howard started the show talking about how Dennis Rodman may be calling in this morning. Robin said they have a hard enough time understanding him when he's actually there. Howard said he knows. He said he won't keep him on the phone too long.
Howard said John Varvatos is going to be in today too. He said his clothes are the only clothes he wears. He said they're going to find out about his clothing line and how he became a designer. Howard said he seems to be making millions on that clothing line and they'll find out how that works.
Howard said he was reading the paper and going nuts with the stuff he was reading. He said that everyone is thrilled that the super large soda ban has been overturned by a judge. Howard said that the judge says it's not constitutional. Howard said you know this society is so fucked up that they don't know what's bad for them. Howard said people didn't know that cigarettes were killing them and others with second hand smoke. Howard said they had to convince the public that they were bad for you. Robin said there are things where people draw the line and this is it. Howard said people are excited that they're killing themselves with soda. Howard said soda is as shitty for you as cigarettes are. He said you aren't killing anyone but yourself though. He said we end up paying for it when people get sick from it.
Howard said poor Mayor Bloomberg is being vilified. He said that he's trying to make people understand what this stuff is doing. Howard said the soda companies are advertising so much and you have to try to get it through to people that this stuff is killing them. Howard said this soda thing was a good move by Mayor Bloomberg. He said people think they need their rights but all they were trying to do was show parents that this soda water is poisoning their kids. Howard said they're killing their kids and killing everything. He said he's glad Mayor Bloomberg is trying.
Howard said that Matt Lauer is getting beat up by the press too. He said that everyone hated Ann Curry. He said that people couldn't relate to her so they fired her ass. Howard said it was a mess and of course it was a mess. He said now they're blaming Matt Lauer over the firing. Howard said that he doesn't run the network though. Howard said they're saying he must confess to being behind it and he wasn't. Howard said he has to say that he had no say over it. He said he should tell everyone to go fuck themselves. Howard said the guy is trying to do the best he can. Howard said what did it is when they announced the money he's making doing the show. He said he's making $25 million. People were fine with $12 million but not 25. Howard said that's probably why Jay Leno says he doesn't want more money to do what he does.
Howard said he was reading about Stephen Baldwin and how he almost had to go to jail. He said he had to make a plea deal over some unpaid taxes. Howard said he didn't know the guy had any money. He said it shows he owes $350,000 so he must be making some money. Howard said he has no idea what he's doing to make that money. Howard said Stephen says he's only guilty of hiring the wrong people to take care of his affairs. Howard said he won't be doing jail time.
Howard said he was reading about ABC and Elisabeth Hasselbeck. He said that they had to wait for the weekend to be over before letting her know if she was going to be fired. Howard said they had to wait for the ratings before firing her. JD said they even tape the Friday show earlier in the week. Howard said they could have released a statement saying they like Elisabeth. Howard jokingly said NBC is grooming him to take over ABC's The View.
Howard said he was reading that Jennifer Love Hewitt wanted her breasts to be insured for like 5 million. Howard said Robin's areola is worth that alone.
Howard said the people of Portugal were going to have a Justin Bieber concert and he had to cancel because he was running late. Howard said this is the guy who makes a living off of little girls and he's showing up late. Howard said the parents have to sit through that and the girls have to go to school so he should show up on time. Howard said that Lindsay Lohan sent him a thank-you card for being a bigger douche than she is.
Howard said he was looking forward to the soda ban there in the city. He said he's bummed that they overturned it. Howard said that people are still going to get fat and not get laid.
Howard said Benjy is happy he can still drink from a cup the size of a pig trough. Howard asked if he drinks soda. Benjy said he doesn't but he's happy that people can still drink and have their freedom. Howard tried talking to Benjy about that some more but he bailed when Benjy started getting a little kooky with his comments. Howard said he was stuck in the vortex.
Howard said Heidi asked him which one to wear. Howard said he told her she knows what to do and she told her to wear the one she thinks. Howard said she wore the one that was tiny. Howard said he didn't have to tell her what to wear. She knew. Robin asked if she has someone writing lines for her on the show. Howard said he doesn't think she does.
Howard said they had Heidi sitting right next to him on the show. He said he'd rather have Howie sitting there. He said she makes him look bad since she looks so good. Howard said he looks like Rocky Dennis from the Mask movie. Howard said he's so ugly. He said he's a good judge but he's so ugly. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard said he was walking down the red carpet behind Heidi and she had guys checking out her ass and stuff. Howard said no one checks him out like that. He said he looks like someone deformed that won a contest to be there.
Howard said he watched some porn last night and he was disgusted with himself. He said he was masturbating and he couldn't believe he was going to cum looking at this horrendous looking woman. Howard said he went through a bunch of clips and he had a hard time finding good stuff. Howard said it seems like the hotter you are the less you like men.
Howard said he forgot that The Bachelor was on last night. He said he read that more people get married from The Biggest Loser than from The Bachelor. Howard said the show is crazy with the way people act on the show. Howard said that the bachelor spends all day in the gym pumping up. He said that's the only way he gets to look like that. Howard said he doesn't have a job. Howard said he's been on that show for a long time and he's wasting his life away with it. Howard said the guy is a loser.
Robin mentioned Heidi Klum again. Howard said he doesn't care about anyone else on AGT. He said that he's the only judge that matters. He said that his opinion is really the only one that matters. He said they should do an edit where they only listen to his opinion.
Howard said they go to court and how many judges are there? She said twelve so Howard had to ask again. There is one judge. Howard said that's the way it should be.
Howard said Gerard Butler was great on the show yesterday. He said he wanted to go to his movie premiere but he wasn't able to make it.
Howard said he talked to Sharon Osbourne about her daughter Kelly having a seizure. Howard said she had the seizure while she was working on the show with Joan Rivers. He said you'd think the rescue crew would show up and put Joan on the stretcher. Howard said it turns out it was Kelly. Robin said she watched that Joan and Melissa show and she saw Joan kissing a woman. Howard asked if it was hot. Robin said that she goes to the woman and says she's really not interested. The woman told her that she wouldn't think of Joan in that way in a million years.
Howard asked if Robin saw the movie ''Oz the Great and Powerful.'' Robin said she did. She said the movie is shot beautifully but the story is kind of dumb. Howard said he thought that Sam Raimi was going to bring Spider-Man into it. Robin said the movie is very childish. Howard said he has to see it though, right? Robin said he would probably like it. Robin said she was torn. She said it was pretty but the story was stupid.
Howard said he saw that Elle McPherson got engaged to someone and he figured that it was some rich guy. Robin said her relationships never last. She said that the men have to put up with her and it doesn't last.
Howard said that's the sound of a beaten man. Howard let him stay on the line while he slept. He was snoring pretty loud. Howard said he's so jealous hearing that. He said he got up at 2 in the morning himself. He said that he got up and watched The Bachelor finale. Howard said he still doesn't know what that bachelor does for a living.
Johnny let out a big snore. Howard said he wants to see how long he snores for. He'll leave him on during the break. Howard did a live commercial while Johnny snored. Howard said this was his best appearance.
Gary said that they called Eric back and he says he won't go into that room. Howard said that's the only phone that works. It's the one that's in the Homosexual room. Howard said Eric is such a baby. Howard said it's just fucking around a little bit. He said it's man on man love.
Howard said he was going to enter Johnny and see if he can do something to him while he sleeps. Howard opened up his ass. Fred played some sound effects. Howard said this might be considered rape so he's going to close him back up. He put his zipper back up and let him sleep. Howard finished the live commercial while Johnny snored. They went to break after that.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Howard came out of break and said he could listen to that all day. Robin said she could too. Howard said he was going to take a two minute break to talk to Will. He said he has a Mr. Big song that he wanted Fred to play. He said he heard it on Coffee House. Fred said he thinks he has it. Howard said he has to talk to Will for two minutes. Howard said Gary came in and asked if Heidi Klum killed Robin's cat because she seems so angry at her. Howard said she has to give her a chance. Howard said that people are like that with Ann Curry. Howard said they have to give her a chance.
Howard told Fred to play the song and he'll talk to Will. He said he probably won't need the whole song. Fred played the Mr. Big covering ''Wild World'' and Howard left Johnny on snoring.
Howard came back and said he didn't hear Johnny. He was done with Will in about a minute. Howard didn't hear Johnny snoring so he called out his name. He wondered if he should hang up or keep going. Howard heard some noise from the phone. Johnny had waken up. He asked if Eric was there. Howard said he hung up when he said he was going to bring him into the Homosexual room. Howard told Johnny he brought him into the room and unzipped his pants and then zipped them back up so he didn't have sex. Johnny said he appreciates that.
Howard said Johnny had no say with it. He said he was really snoring. Johnny asked if Eric got to say what he wanted to say. Howard said he ran out before he had the chance.
Johnny said Eric wants to be called Eric the Midget now. He said that he's accepting the name midget now. Howard said he thought that it was degrading. Johnny said he has to accept it if he wants to sue the people who are making products. Howard said he was the one who came up with the name so he doesn't have a trademark on it. Johnny said he has to claim it to be able to do that. Howard said Johnny has the worst phone this morning. Johnny said it might be him. He tried moving and the phone got clearer.
Howard asked if Eric the Actor is now Eric the Midget. Johnny said he is Eric the Midget from here on in. Howard said he has to hear it directly from Eric. Johnny said he'll hear from him eventually. Howard asked what's out there that he has to sue over. Johnny said there are a ton of little products out there. Howard said he's so used to calling him the actor that he's going to piss him off calling him Actor.
Johnny said that on May 8th they're going to have Eric in New York for a charity event. He said he'll come in if he wants. Howard said that's great.
Howard had Eric on the line and asked if he is really Eric the Midget. Eric said that he is ''Eric the Actor formerly known as Eric the Midget.'' Howard said that he's going to call him Eric the Actor. He said that's what he demanded so that's what he's calling him. Johnny asked what's going on with this world. He said that it's all backwards.
Howard asked Eric what he's going to make in court with the Eric the Midget name. Eric said he has no idea. He said there are a lot of people saying that they're making a lot more than he thinks. Howard said he's selling out his name for a few sheckles. Eric said ''Yep.'' Howard said someone wrote an article about how he calls Gary the Retard by ''retard'' and he should change it to Gary the Academically Challenged Adult. Howard said this is all backwards. He said Eric is calling in and changing his name back to Midget.
Eric said that Jeff Probst interviewed a guy on the show who said that you don't call little people midgets or dwarfs and you don't pat them on the head. Howard asked why he's calling himself Eric the Midget then. Eric said that he's going to stop these people from profiting off his name. Howard said he's not going to give up on patting him on the head. Howard said the right word is little person. Johnny said that sounds more demeaning than midget. Eric said he'll be known as a person.
Howard asked if they can still toss him. Eric said no. He said that there was a case last year in Florida about that.
Johnny said they also have a feature movie by a giant writer that Eric has a part in. Howard said he really has to go. Johnny said that this guy is a giant in his field. Howard said he has to get this out there. He asked if he's going to be on The Bold and the Beautiful. Johnny said he will be on that show. Howard said he doesn't even hear Eric calling himself Eric the Midget. Johnny told him to call himself by the name. Eric said that he is Eric the Midget. Howard sounded shocked and said this is crazy. Howard said he really has to go.
Howard asked when this Bold and Beautiful thing is happening. He just told them to call in when it happens. Eric said that this whole thing in May is a charity event and that's not written in stone yet. Howard told him to just come in if he's there in May. Howard hung up and played some Eric the Midget clips. Howard said he can't get that little bugger down in the gay room with him. He said he had Johnny in there but he didn't know it.
Howard said Johnny looked so hot with his pants off. He said he can't believe he stopped himself. Howard said he's trying to teach young people out there that you can't take someone when they're fully asleep. He said he could have done whatever he wanted. Howard said he wouldn't have even noticed if he had entered him with his little chubby.
Howard said Sam wrote that sketch for them and they did a half hour sitcom when they got there. It was called The Bitter Half.
Howard said this is Sam on Live at 5 with Jon Leiberman. Howard played the clip and Sam told Jon that he got a cancer diagnosis. Sam said he was going to go on an adventure with this ship he bought but he got this cancer thing. Sam said he has had the greatest life in the world. He said that the disappointments are things like this.
Howard played another clip where Sam told Jon about his diagnosis. Sam said he was feeling bad for a couple of years and he was diagnosing himself from TV talk shows. Sam said he was taking antidepressant's. He was laughing while talking about this. Howard asked why he was laughing. Sam went on to say that he had colon cancer that had spread to his liver, kidneys and abdominal connective tissues. He said it may have gone to his brain too. He said the doctors said they don't use the word curable. He laughed again. Howard asked what the fuck is so funny. Sam said that he could have 3-6 months but miracles do happen. He said it's been 5 months so far.
Howard said he hopes he beats this fucking thing. He said he's a great guy. Howard played more of the audio and Sam was starting to say that Howard has been great through this. Howard cut it off saying he didn't want to hear that.
Howard said that this is a great guy and he hopes he beat it. Howard said that he doesn't believe in miracles but he doesn't believe in the 3-6 months either. Robin said there are miracles out there. She hopes he's investigating them all. Howard said he's known about this for a few months. He said that he hopes he's okay. Robin said he may have come out since the Valerie Harper thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin seems to be getting more critical of Howard lately. Howard said he's not sure about that but she was rough on Heidi Klum.
Howard said that he heard that Jewel was asked to sing Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes at her concert recently but she claims she forgot the lyrics.
The caller said that Robin was also going off on Alvin Lee yesterday. Howard said that he got some email about that. Howard read some feedback about what she was doing during the Gerard Butler interview. Howard said that he had some feedback about what Robin did during that Alvin Lee discussion. Robin wasn't a fan.
Howard said some people are mad that he's not talking about AGT. There are some that are very happy he's not talking about it. Howard said a lot of people loved Bubba. Howard said some people were hoping for an announcements that he would be returning to Howard 101. Robin said that he was in talks yesterday. Howard said he's sure he'll hear about that today in his meetings.
Howard said that people were also asking what's going on with Bubba's face. Some people think he's had some work done.
Howard played some of the interview Jon had with Big Foot about why he was arrested. He pulled a sword on the police and had to be arrested. Howard said he's lucky he wasn't shot. Howard said his uncle shot a guy who was swinging a sword out in the street once. Howard played more of Big Foot talking about how it was in the facility he was locked up in. Howard said it was a compelling interview.
Howard said that Captain Janks called in and asked a question no one has ever asked. Howard played that clip and Janks asked Big Foot why he says ''it is'' at the end of a sentence. Big Foot said he can't help it and he has a speech impediment that makes him do it.
Howard said Little Mikey wrote a song about his ban on the AGT talk. Howard played that song where he sang about the ban on the AGT talk. Howard played one of the song parodies he played yesterday.
Howard played a clip of Richard Christy's dad calking about his mom shooting a squirrel. They talked about that for a short time
Ronnie came in and asked what he did. Howard said he wants the block party to die and go away. Ronnie said that's not true. He said Howard was on making comments about the block party and he was saying that he makes people around him. Howard said he was being nice. He said he really hates hearing about the block party. Howard told him to talk to Gary about it. Ronnie said that Gary has nothing to do with it. Howard said he doesn't want to hear about the block party anymore. He said he can talk to him about security but not the block party. Howard said it makes him want to throw up. Ronnie said he understands.
Howard said Ronnie asked about this Private Parts thing. He said he would never pick up the phone on him. Ronnie said he doesn't have to deal with the guy. He said it was a yes or no answer. Howard said from now on the answer is no. Ronnie said okay to that. Howard said he hates the block party. He said he hates the commercial he shot for the cruise. Ronnie said it's not a cruise. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he just hates all of it. He said he doesn't want any of that. Howard said this guy has access through Ronnie. Ronnie said that was his idea to ask. He said it wasn't the guy who runs the block party.
Howard said if he has an idea to come to him then just go to Gary. Gary told Ronnie the difference is that Howard doesn't have to deal with it. Howard said Gary is the guy who is going to tell him no. Howard said that Ronnie is going to go to Gary and Gary is going to say no for him. Howard said that he has to listen to him for once. Howard said he and Gary will sit alone in a room. He said he'll say he hates the block party and he'll tell Gary to tell Ronnie no. Howard said Ronnie will come to him anyway and he'll just say Gary didn't even come to him.
Howard said he hates the block party but he's putting up with it for some reason. He's not even sure why. Howard said he worked 24 hours a day on Private Parts but he wasn't dreaming that it would be shown at Ronnie's Block Party. Howard said he hates that.
Howard continued to go off on Ronnie about the block party saying that he'd rather just have him driving him and not doing the block party. He said he doesn't want him to bother him about the movie. He said that he should go to Gary. He said he'll tell him no through Gary. Ronnie said he's got it. He yelled that. Howard said he doesn't want to be direct with him about the business. He said he's not comfortable saying no. Howard said he has a problem. He said he doesn't want anything to do with the block party because it's an embarrassment to him. Ronnie said that he should tell him to shut it down then. Howard said he should just go out and do the block party and not tell him about it.
Ronnie said that he'll be really mad if he goes out and does it and then finds out about it. Howard asked why he has to show the movie. Ronnie said they had an idea to show it. Howard said he doesn't know this guy. He asked who this fuck is. Ronnie said he's just a promoter. Howard said he doesn't want to know the guy.
Howard asked why they don't just show Ronnie movies. Ronnie said he'd be mad about that too. Howard said he can go make a porn. He said he just doesn't want to be involved. Howard said he comes up in the elevator and he has to deal with that whole thing. Ronnie said it was just an ''idear.'' Howard goofed on him about the ''idear'' thing. Howard told him to leave. He said he never even asked him to come in. Ronnie said they told him to come in. Howard told him not to listen to them.
Howard played a song parody about Ronnie cleaning his asshole in his sink after he left. They went to break after that.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Howard said a lot of shows are doing this thing where they show tweets from people on the screen. He said he's annoyed by that. Howard said TV is going to blow it by doing that. He said that it's not the internet and they should just be TV.
Howard said Benjy went out on the street and did some interviews. Howard said he accused a guy of not having any black friends and he thought he was going to get punched in the head. Howard played the audio and Benjy was asking the guy if he had a black friend on his phone to call. The guy said he did so Benjy called him out on it and told him to call one right now. Benjy asked to see a black friend on Facebook and the guy showed him. The guy sounded irritated with the whole conversation. Howard said that it's crazy that the guy didn't just walk away. Howard asked how long the guy stayed there. Benjy said it was like 20 minutes. Howard said he just goes up and starts arguing with people and they stay.
Robin asked Benjy if he has any black friends in his phone. Benjy said he was thinking about it and other than Robin he doesn't think he has any close, black friends. Robin said he doesn't have her either. He said he hasn't even been able to visit Robin.
Howard said he has Nick Cannon in his phone. Howard said he has a friend on Facebook who he grew up with. He said that guy is black. He said his name is Milton Little. Howard said that was Benjy's question. Howard said he was socializing with a lot of black people but then they broke up. Howard said they love him. Robin asked if he loves black people. Howard said he does. Robin said she knows, she was just putting him on the spot.
Howard said he has Chris Rock in his rolodex. Robin said he's not a friend-friend. Howard said he doesn't really have any friends at all. He said Beth is his friend. Robin said she considers Howard a friend. Howard said Chris Rock would be a friend if his wife didn't hate him. Howard said he ran into them at a restaurant years ago and he was dating a black chick at the time. He said Chris' wife wouldn't even say hello to him. He said she just hates him and he doesn't know why.
Howard read some news about Prince. Howard said the guy went on the Jimmy Fallon show and did a song. Howard said the song was awful. Howard said he didn't dig it at all. He said that one of the dudes in the Roots gave him a guitar to use and he smashed it at the end. Howard said people were upset about that.
Howard said he heard a Rihanna song that a band covered and he thinks it's great. Howard said you have to hear this. He said it was a heavy metal band that covered it. Howard played the clip and the song starts out slow but then it goes into a really heavy metal sound. Howard said he was digging it at first and then it goes crazy. Howard said they can really make that song happen.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he can't figure out Bubba. He said that girl who was on with him yesterday was fine. He asked why she would be with him. Robin asked what he's saying. King said he's not sure if it's the money. He said it was disturbing to him. He said he knows that they'll break up eventually. Howard said he's insulting Bubba now. He said he's making it seem like he doesn't deserve her. Howard said Bubba is very charming. Howard said he's one of those guys who wonders why any chick is with any dude. He said he's a really bitter guy. Howard said he gets jealous when he sees Gerard Butler with anyone. Howard said he thinks that every woman should be with him.
Robin said they went to the Grammy's once and you see these troll like guys there and they're with stunning women. Howard said if you look halfway decent they'll go nuts for you. He said if you're Gerard Butler they go completely insane. Howard said chicks are different than guys. Robin said women are nester's and they're looking for a place to go where they're protected and where they can raise their kids.
Howard said you look at some people and wonder why they're with them but this woman might look at Bubba as a guy who might marry her.
Howard talked about The Bachelor and how you know there's something wrong with the guy. Howard said he's not into a career so he has time to do reality shows. Howard said the guy is all bulked up and you know he's in the gym all day. He said he's eating and shaving and building himself up. Howard said Bubba is making money by working. Howard said he's busy with court cases and eating nervously. Howard said that's what a woman admires. King was starting to go on and on so Howard hung up on him.
Howard talked more about The Bachelor and how he must be wasting his whole day in the gym working out. Howard said that guys like that don't have a career. They have to spend all day working on their body. Howard said when you see a guy like him, with a belly, then you know he's out there working.
Howard said that they have a girl named Desiree on The Bachelor and she could be the next Bachelorette. Howard played some audio from the show and goofed on some of the people on the show. Howard said he has to get to John Varvatos. He said he's changed his look with his clothes. Howard said John is a clothing designer and he's straight. He said if you want to hear a crazy story then stay tuned. Howard said he wears nothing but John's clothing line. Howard said he does wear Calvin Klein underwear but those are the underwear he gets his goo into after he masturbates. Robin gave him an ''Ew'' after hearing that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that John Varvatos is on TV and he's on the show Fashion Star. Howard said he thinks he's one of the best clothing designers in the world too. Robin said he's better looking than she thought. Howard said he looks like he lost weight. John said that he didn't actually. He said good clothes can make you look thin.
Howard said John took him under his wing while he looked like a bum. Howard said he loves his clothes and he doesn't know how to put together a look. He said John took him in and pulled him together. John said Howard is a fashion icon now. Howard said that even Howie told him he looks all fancy now. John said that he's been very busy with his show lately. He said that he was flying back and forth across the country. Robin asked why they do these shows. Howard said he did it because he thought it would be fun. John said that's why he did it too.
Howard asked if sales are up since he went on national TV. John said they are. He said they see more hits on the web site JohnVarvatos.com. Howard said he likes the web site. John said they just revamped it.
Howard said he thought they just made the company public. John said they actually just made it private again. He said they bought back his partner's interest in the company. He said they're opening up a lot of stores and growing in a whole new way today.
Howard asked what Nicole Ritchie and Britney Spears know about fashion since John works with them on Fashion Star. John said that Jessica has a billion dollar business. He said that she is hands on too. Howard asked if she really knows the business. John said she has a good understanding of it. He said she's really into the clothes too but she's not designing everything. He said she has a shoe line for Macy's that's doing really well. He said that she's fantastic to work with on the show too.
Howard said he finds Nicole Ritchie more compelling than other people. He said he's not even sure how to explain it. John said she is intriguing. He said she's great on the show. Howard said she's like a Kim Kardashian type. John said she's a lot smaller than Kim.
Howard said John had to make great clothing to make a name for himself. John said he wasn't even in his ads for the line until he got on this show. He said he wasn't the face of the company.
Howard said that John was in Detroit when he was there. Howard said he was there for a short time. They switched formats on him though. John loves rock and roll music too. Howard said that's a good move to have the music in the ads. John said they almost pay nothing for the music. He said they do it for the friendship. He said it's shocking that they have Green Day in the edits. He said that it's a mutual respect kind of thing. Howard said that makes sense.
Howard said that he and Robin are trying to get into the business. John said that he's already in it. Howard asked how hard it is to make money in the business. John said they should stay out of it. Howard said that it must be harder than the restaurant business. John said that it's a very complicated thing.
Howard said it must be weird for him to go into the business and not be gay. He said he does walk a little swishy. Howard said he just assumed he was gay. John said his wife thought the same thing. John said that most designers are gay but there are a handful that aren't. Howard asked who isn't gay. John said that Ralph Lauren isn't gay. Howard said he thought he was. Howard asked if they have a secret handshake. John laughed.
Howard asked John about being into vinyl and why that is. John said he was talking to Gary about that earlier. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said the records used to mean something to him back in the day but he doesn't get it. He asked how many records he has. John said he has over 10,000. He said he started to inventory them but he gave up. He said he has aloft in a house he has up state and he keeps them there. Howard asked if he listens to them. John said he doesn't spend that much time with them. He said he will make a selection and listen to them downstairs. He said he has a turntable for the albums that he uses. Howard said this is nonsense.
John asked how many chess sets he has. Howard said he has none now. John said that you don't end up listening to most of the albums. He said that it's a collector kind of thing. He said he has a lot of Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones and things like that in the collection.
Howard asked John about being raised in Detroit and what that was like. John said he grew up in an 800 square foot house and it was tough. He said he had brothers and sisters living in there too. He said he shared a bedroom with 2 other brothers. He said it was 3 people in that tiny bedroom. He said they only had one bathroom. Howard said that might explain the vinyl collection. He said he probably didn't have a good place to store his stuff.
Howard said that John went to college but he worked in retail stores to get himself through college. John said he knew that clothes worked with the girls. He said the minute he started wearing stylish clothes he was getting dates. He said back then it wasn't about the designers. He said that it did add a bit of swagger to your life. He said you can get obsessive about it. He said he graduated from school and he knew the retail business and got interested in fashion. Howard said he basically wasted his time in college. He should have taken business classes instead.
John said that college was a blur and it was more about the social part. Howard asked if he was a big drug guy. John said he did get stoned every day back then. He said he may have tried drugs other than pot but the pot was just about every day. He said he was never really a big druggie though. He said he enjoyed the weed at the time.
Howard asked who he worked for. John said he worked for a local retail store out there in Detroit. He said he was a floor manager and then he opened his own store. He said he had partners who were funding it but he was the one picking out the styles. He said they carried Ralph Lauren before he was very well known. He got a job at Ralph Lauren. John said he worked for Calvin Klein too. He said he designed the boxer-briefs. Howard said that's all he wears now.
Howard said John was a floor sales guy and then he became a designer. John said he didn't know he wanted to be a designer until he was at Ralph Lauren. He said he was in his late 20s and he realized that's what he wanted to do. John said he designers don't get paid very well but things worked out for him.
Howard said he was telling Robin earlier about how he wears those boxer-briefs and he gets the tissues stuck in there over night. John said he might need a little pocket designed into the briefs for his tissues.
Howard asked why Calvin Klein let him leave the company if he designed something as great as the boxer-briefs. John said that he worked for Ralph Lauren too. He said that he oversaw all of the men's designs and started the Polo jeans line. Howard asked why they didn't keep him around. John said that they did talk about him funding his company. He said he didn't want him to be there every day though. Howard said he just said fuck that because he didn't want Ralph breathing up his ass.
Howard asked if John got the respect that he deserved at Ralph Lauren. John said he really did. He said they were very good to him there. John said one day he was walking through stores in New York and he had an idea to start something new. He was already in his 40s so he had to do it now. John said he had to give it a try and if it didn't work then he'd go back to doing what he was doing.
Howard asked what it cost to get started. John said he had an investor at the time. He said that was Nautica. John said he helped them with some new stuff at the time. John said that from the beginning they were a hit. He said that they got the sales and the accolades. Howard asked why he's in love with his clothes. John said Howard looks good in them.
Howard asked if you have to be wealthy to put together a wardrobe from his store. John said it depends on what the budget is. John said that it's not about how many you have, it's about the quality and the fit. John said that sometimes people think that sloppy is the way to go but the clothes just have to fit you well. Howard said he told some of the guys there to go to his store because they look like shlubs.
John said he has seen some people up there. He asked if he's paying them there. Howard said some of them are making good money.
Howard asked John about reinventing the Converse sneaker. John said he had been in business for about a year and they asked him to do something with them. He said he wore their brand all his life so he was up for it. He said that they transcend every generation. He said he worked won the Chuck Taylor and stayed respectable to the brand. He said that he accidentally came up with a laceless Chuck Taylor. Howard said he loves that. John said he was working in a design studio over the weekend and he was playing around with it and came up with some elastic in the sneaker. He said that it almost stayed on his food so he gave it a try. He said he met with the people the next day and asked them to try it out. He said it worked and it works well with kids.
Howard asked John about starting his business with Nautica and how much it took to get that going. John said that it was millions. He said that it was nerve wracking when they started. John said they opened up the first store and it did well. He said they were very lucky. Howard asked how many people they have working there. John said it's probably 200-300 people. He said they have some factories in Italy and they are good places to work. Howard said he has to get some Chinese slaves. John said no to that. He said they have a whole team that does nothing but monitor compliance with every factory they work with.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he really likes Fashion Star. He said John is good on the show but he's not a judge. He said he's a mentor. He said that he's doing it more now. Howard asked John if he thinks Ralph is gay. John said he can't figure Ralph out. Robin welcomed him to the club. Howard said Ralph has been his stylist for years. He asked John if he thinks he's gay at all. John said he can't figure Ralph out. He said he's known him from the show for years and he's a different guy off the air. He said he enjoyed the Ralph he met off the air. He said on the air it's a very varied Ralph. Howard said he lectured Ralph before he introduced him. Howard said he told him to behave. Howard said it's like talking to a kid.
Ralph said that John is his favorite men's designer. He said that he goes into the showroom like a buyer. Howard said he talks about the fabrics and he wonders how he's straight. Ralph said he got to see the design studio and it was great. Howard asked where John would put his money on gay or straight. John said he would go with gay. Howard asked if he would bet a million bucks on that. John was laughing. Howard said he's like the only one who doesn't see it. Howard said he thinks that Ralph would tell him if he was gay. He said everyone tells him that Ralph is gay though. He said even his wife says that.
John told Ralph that this is his moment to come out. Ralph asked if he can come out and then start his own line under his brand. John said absolutely. Ralph said he's not going to sit there and defend his sexuality. John said he doesn't have to defend it, just admit to it. Howard asked Ralph if he has ever made out with a guy. Ralph said ''Not that I know of.'' Howard asked if he's ever given a guy a hand job in a hot tub. Ralph said he has not. Howard said he's heard things.
John said based on what Howard told Ralph on the air about behaving around him he assumed he was going to be an asshole. He said Ralph is really a very nice guy. He said he's very well behaved. Howard told Ralph to call back when he's ready to come out of the closet. Ralph said he'll have to think about it. Robin said she thinks Ralph his a gay guy who doesn't know it yet.
Howard asked John about how long he's been married. John said it's about 7 years. Howard asked if he got laid constantly in that business. John said he didn't go crazy like he thinks. He said he was married before. He said this is his second marriage. He said he has two kids in their 20s and one that's 4. He said he had 4 years between marriages and he's been with his present wife for 10 years. Howard said he hasn't had a lot of fun then. Howard asked if he has banged a model. John just laughed.
Howard said he's wondering about his 5 brothers and sisters. Howard asked about buying CBGBs and turning it into a store. Howard said it's a lot of fun. He said when he bought it he was criticized for turning it into a store. John said it was closed for two years before he leased it. He said he didn't buy it. He said he has a long term lease. John said it was an impulsive thing when he leased it. He said he went and looked at he space and he wanted to keep music alive by doing this. He said he didn't want to turn it into a bank or something. He said they do a live show every month and it's always free. He said not everyone will agree with that but he's trying to keep the music alive in the Bowery. He said there's a lot of history in that place. He said you don't have to buy anything in there. He said people come in and see the stuff that's on the walls and people can just look if they want.
Howard said John threw a concert for ZZ Top and that was some night. Howard said they did about 10 songs. John said they're good friends. He said Billy Gibbons is a good friend. He said that they're great guys. Howard said they're cool dudes. John said their music keeps lasting and Billy is back out with his original band from the late 60s. He said that he toured with Jimi Hendrix with that band. He said they're doing a gig at BB Kings at the end of the month.
Howard said it was great having John there. He said that he can't do what John does because he'd just rip off John's designs. Howard asked if he has ever done car design. John said he has a car coming out in April with Chrysler. He said that cars have always been an inspiration. He said about two years ago they did an amazing ad with Eminem and it was very uplifting. He said after that they came to him and asked him to do a follow up ad. He said he was honored by that. He said they asked him to do a car for the auto show and they asked him to do a limited edition production. He said they're doing a very limited production of the 300 class. John said the car is in the mid-40s. He said it's a pretty amazing car. He said they don't make a convertible but he would like that if they did.
Howard asked what's on the horizon for him now. John said he's opening more stores and he has Fashion Star going on right now. Howard asked what his company is worth right now. John said he really doesn't know. He said it's probably in the hundreds of millions. Howard asked if he wants to be as big as Ralph Lauren or Calvin Klein. John said he's not really going for that. He said that he thinks that what they're doing is working and it's not about how big they are. He said it's a craft. He said they are a global brand now and that's great.
Howard asked if he has a big penis. John laughed. He said that they did put together the boxer-brief to hold everything together down there.
Howard said he looks good because of John. He said John helps him out a lot. John said Howard looks good every day now. He said he thinks Howard thinks about it more now. Howard said he doesn't have to think much about it now that he owns his clothes. He said he can just mix and match and it all works. John said that's because everything is black.
Howard said he could sit here all day but he has other things to do. Howard gave him a plug for Fashion Star which is on Friday nights. John said this week's show is going to be wild. He said that Jessica is pregnant again but she has people handling her and keeping those boobies in.
Howard asked if John has ever been hit on by gay guys. John said of course he has. Howard asked if he ever had to act gay to be in the business. Howard said he used to talk black when he was a kid to fit into he figure that John might have to do that to fit into that business. John said he never did. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and wondered what he was supposed to be doing. He said he was frazzled. He said his shoulder is fucked up and he's miserable. Howard said he was thinking about what a mess Hendrix could have been if he had lived.
Howard said he's almost 100 percent sure there is nothing after this life. Robin asked why he would want there to be. Howard said he's not sure. He said his dad is in his 90s now and he asked him where he thinks he's going. He said his dad just said ''Nowhere.'' Howard said he asked why he thinks that. His dad goes to church but he doesn't really believe he's going to meet a god when he dies. Howard said he doesn't either. Howard said his mother heard them and she doesn't like it when they have thoughts other than her's. Howard said she believes there is a ''personal god.'' Howard said that's the term that his dad used. Howard said his uncle Jack died and he had two wives. He said he wondered if you go to heaven and they're both his wives. Howard said he might want to be alone up there.
Howard said he would like to think that we're here and you put your DNA into these children and they go on to carry on. Howard said a lot of good that does for him. Robin said she just learned that we're not going about it the right way so the kids don't come out that great.
Howard said he doesn't like thinking that the world will go on without him. He said he's going to go out kicking and screaming. Robin said she has seen people die and usually she'd see them die under the worst circumstances. She said they go through a lot of pain and suffering. She asked if he wants to go out that way. Howard said maybe he'll be a ghost who ties himself down to earth and doesn't cross over. Howard said he might have to get his head frozen like Ted Williams. Robin said he doesn't want to go out kicking and screaming. Howard said he will. Robin said those are the people who hang on and take every measure to hold on.
Howard said Robert Plant says he'd be open to a Led Zeppelin reunion. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard said he thinks the rest of the band should tell Plant to fuck off.
Howard said he was watching the Eagles special too. He said once you get kicked out of that band you're out for good. Howard and Gary talked about the guys in that band and Gary said that Glenn Frye is a dick based on what he saw in that special.
Gary came in and brought up some of the things they talked about in that Eagles special. They were talking about why Joe Walsh joined the band and how Don Felder was kicked out. Howard said he should get together with Don and go around the country performing ''Hotel California.'' That led to them playing a clip of Big Foot singing that song... or trying to sing it. Howard said he loves this rendition. Howard said even the savage beast loves music. Gary said he only knows the last word of every line. Howard said he makes it easy to sing along to.
Howard said he meant to ask Gerard Butler what Brandi Glanville's tightened pussy felt like. Howard said he must get so much pussy he doesn't remember. Howard said she was his afternoon pussy so he'd be good for the evening pussy. Howard said that's one good looking dude. Robin said he's what you call a man. She said he's just manly. Robin said it's easy for him to just be manly.
Howard said he's feminine, right? Robin said Howard is just neutral. Howard said he'd rather be neutral. Robin said you know you're in the presence of a man. Robin said he doesn't even know what Botox is.
Howard played a voice mail that a guy left for Gary about what Howard said about eating meat and how they're not evolved. Howard played another one where Eric the Actor... sorry, Midget complained about a caller asking for money from the show. Howard wondered what that was about.
Robin said that she got a sweet note from the women who got the rose she gave to the caller who needed money for Valentine's day. Robin said that she had to thank her for the beautiful note.
Howard played another voice mail where the guy that Eric was complaining about called in and said that Eric is a boring, low life piece of shit who should have his wheelchair stripped from him.
Jeff the Drunk also called in and left a message for Jason. Jeff said he was high during that message. Another caller went off on Howard about going off on people who eat meat. Then Bobo called and left a message. That led to Howard saying that Brian Phelan took a driving course and Bobo was the driving instructor.
Brian came in and told Howard about taking a defensive driving course. He said he went in and asked a woman if this was the defensive driving course and Bobo saw him and asked if that was his daughter. Brian said he told him she wasn't but 3 hours later Bobo still thought she was his daughter. He said it was the worst 6 hours. He said he wants those 6 hours of his life back.
Robin started off with a story about an intern who was killed at a cat sanctuary. Robin said she was killed by a lion and they ended up killing the lion over that. Howard said he's against that. Robin said she is too. She said that Seigfried and Roy kept their tiger after it bit one of them. Robin said she respects that.
Robin said that this lion got out accidentally and the girl wasn't supposed to be in the cage. Howard said they made her out to be a kook but it turns out the lion got out of the cage. Robin said the sanctuary is now open to the public again. Howard said he'd want that cage to be fixed first. Howard said he read about the intern who loved cats and devoted her life to them. Robin said she was just trying to clean the area for the lion. She said that the gate wasn't secured properly. Robin said they kill you so fast too. Robin said you'd think they would forget how to do that but she was killed instantly.
Robin read about how Ashley Judd may be running for senate. Howard said he loves her. He said she's the hot one. Howard said she has that big, fat sister who sings. Howard said Ashley is the hot one. Robin said she thinks that she may have done something to her face. Howard said that's too bad. Howard read a live commercial a short time later.
Robin read about the conclave that they have to pick the new pope. Robin said they all dress the same and it's cute because they wear the red skull cap and also the hat with the pointy top on it. Robin said it's fun to watch. Howard said they really need to masculine it up without the dresses and purses. Howard goofed on them about that for a short time. Robin had some audio from the conclave where they were singing. Howard said they should mix that with Gilbert doing his Jewish thing. A few seconds later they were mixing the two.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that the guy on The Bachelor is going to be dancing on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that guy is never going to get a job. He said he loves that the woman he's going to marry thinks that he's going to be able to support her. Howard said he's not going to have a career dancing. Howard said this girl thinks that he's going to be able to take her around the world but ABC is footing the bill for the show right now. Howard said she's in for a big surprise. Howard goofed on that guy for a couple of minutes about how he has so much time to work out all day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that KC Armstrong once said that Howard has big nipples. Howard said he doesn't though. He also said Benjy is ''cock strong.'' The caller had the clips ready to play. The caller said that ABC should make KC the next bachelor. Howard said if that chick ends up marrying that guy Sean she's going to tell him to keep his fucking shirt on six years from now. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about the Cardinals and the Pope vote. Robin said they're asking for people to keep praying for them while they're in Rome for the vote.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he was reading an article by Linda Stasi who doesn't do Howard justice. Howard said this is the most boring call. Bobo started reading the article and Howard cut him off. Howard said he likes the article. Bobo asked how he likes it. Bobo said she's kind of bashing him. Howard said she's really not. Howard said that he's a very youthful guy and he thinks he could take over late night. Howard said he doesn't look like a 900 year old man. Robin said ''that's right'' but she didn't seem very positive with that. Bobo still wasn't going for it. Howard let him go and had Robin read some more news.
Robin read about how Dennis Rodman is going over to Rome to visit with the new Pope when he's chosen.
Robin read about how Reva Steencamp was shot by Oscar Pistorius. Robin said that she had gone out with a former flame a few days before she was shot. Robin said they're saying that the rage from that could be what caused the shooting but they'll have to wait and see how the case turns out.
Robin had some audio of Valerie Harper talking about her cancer and how she only has a few months to live. Howard said she should come in there. Howard said he loved her on Mary Tyler Moore. Valerie said that she can't do anything about it so she's just dealing with it. Howard said he's not sure what he would do but he knows he wouldn't be on the Today show. Howard said she should be the co-host on the Today show. That led to Howard doing impressions of his parents and talking about father death showing up at their front door.
Robin read about the daughter of a former mayor of Sacramento going to jail for stealing money. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about her mistakes. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard said he read an article by Bob Lefsetz about how Clive Davis' book could have sold better if he had done their show. Howard said that people rarely mention his show when they do really good interviews. Gary came in and said that Bob was saying that a lot of people won't be real when they do an interview but that's what they get out of people when they do interviews on this show. Howard said they're the only ones who actually move any product.
JD came in and said that Penn Jillette was saying that he didn't sell any tickets until he did the Stern show. He said he was on a bunch of other shows and didn't sell any until then. Gary said he was talking to a publicist who said they work with a very big person who doesn't want to do a real interview and give personal details. Howard said they could just say they don't want to answer a certain question. Gary said he gets the publicists telling him that they don't want to talk about one thing but they weren't even thinking of asking about it.
Robin read a story about people in Colorado having an issue with gay marriage. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that.
Robin read about some dry cat food that's being recalled. Robin said they say that tests show it may not have enough levels of vitamin B1. Robin said that they say that the cats can have a wobbly walk if they don't get enough of this vitamin. Robin said the cat food is by Blue Diamond.
Robin read about Michael Vick trying to live down his reputation for abusing dogs. Howard said that people love pets more than they do people. He said you can't do that to your pet and think people are going to forget about it. Howard said he will never live it down.
Robin read about the sugar drinks ban in New York City being put on hold. Robin said the mayor is saying he will appeal the court ruling. Robin said he believes they should ban the drinks. Howard and Robin spent a little time talking about that.
Robin read about Justin Timberlake and how he was on Jimmy Fallon talking about how he has vocal secrets he learned from Aaron Hall. Robin had some audio of that discussion. Robin also had audio of Justin doing an impersonation of Jimmy Fallon. Robin said that wasn't what she asked for. She said they pulled the song and not the impersonation. Howard said he bought his first solo album and thought it was pretty good. Howard said he'd listen to it while working out.
Howard took a call from Benjy's friend Maryann Garvey. She wrote an article about the show today. Howard said he saw the article. Howard said she will write about a lot of the interviews they do. Maryann said she slips in a lot of references about the show in her articles. Howard said he appreciates that. Howard said what's great about it is that she doesn't despise them. Howard said she get a lot of good information from the show and she writes about it.
Maryann said that she has seen the evolution of the show and how the great guests come on the show these days. Howard thanked her for the call. She said she has a TV show coming out too. She said that it's called City Girl Diaries. She said she's the star of it. Howard said Benjy should have stuck with her. Howard asked if she has a boyfriend. She said she does and she's living with him. She said that she's waiting for him to give her a ring. She said she knows that he's working on it. Maryann said that she's been with him a year and four months. Howard said that's not that long. Maryann said she's 37 though. Howard said those eggs are petrified by now. Maryann said it's time to get the show on the road. Howard said he's proud of her. He said she works at the Daily News and she's doing a good job there.
Howard said they had to get out of there. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Jon mentioned Sam Simon having cancer and how rough that is. Jason said he's got so much money and there's nothing you can do about the cancer. Jon said it's one of those things that you can't fix with money. Jason said Jon will be taken down by diabetes before cancer. Jon asked him who told him to come in there. Jason said that he had to ask Teddy something so he came in.
Jon took a call from a guy who wondered why Howard is so for this soda ban. He said he doesn't get it. Jason said he's not sure Howard is for the ban but he's shocked by the people who are outraged by it. Jason said he's mixed on the whole thing himself.
Gary said that there isn't a ban on soda. He said there's a ban on the size of the drink you can buy. He said that you can't buy a 32 ounce drink but you can go in and buy two 16 oz drinks. Gary said he's not banning people from drinking soda. Gary said he's not limiting the amount you can drink. He said you just have to buy more of the smaller drinks. He said he's trying to make sure that people aren't being gluttonous.
Jason said he thinks that it would make more sense to ban soda completely. He said he's mixed on the whole thing. Gary said he's trying to make the city healthier. He said he's not taking away anything. Gary said they're not telling you that you can't drink. They're just limiting the size. Gary said that people have to wear seat belts. He said that you can still drink as much soda as you want. Jason said they're saying that you can't sell two liters of soda at a time. Gary said he thought it was the size of the soda. Jason said they are banning something and that's not right.
Jon said he doesn't like someone telling him he can't buy a soda. Gary said he never drinks soda so he's fine with it. Jason said he thinks that it was overstepping the boundaries but he also loved the smoking ban. He doesn't smoke though.
Jason said he's all for a fat tax. He said that he knows that the medical bills are higher for everyone if people stay fat and eat unhealthy food. Gary said that people are being punished for something that they want. Jon said he's ending this conversation now. He went to break a short time later.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks. Ronnie said he doesn't care. Jon said he just wants to know what he thinks. Ronnie said he's seen him with a lot of chicks. He said there are a lot of guys who do hair and stuff who are gay. He said Varvatos doesn't come across like that at all.
Gary said he thought John was gay but only because he was a designer. He just assumed that he was gay because of that line of work.
Gary and Jon also talked about Varvatos's vinyl collection. Gary said there is a time and place for vinyl and for digital.
Jon asked Ronnie what he did wrong this morning. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said all he did was ask a question. He said it's not a crime to ask a question. He said that the movie is all over TV and on DVD. Gary said he has an answer for this. He said he thought Ronnie was pulling Howard's chain about going to talk to him about it. Gary said he has to understand that it can get tedious for Howard. Ronnie said it was a simple question and he doesn't do that every day.
Gary said Howard is doing this show and doing AGT. He said he has a lot going on every day. He said that's what he got out of it. Ronnie said he just wanted a yes or no. Gary said Howard doesn't want to be put in that position. Ronnie said he just asked a question that someone had for him. Gary said he doesn't want to be in the loop.
Jon asked if it offended him that Howard went off like that. Ronnie said it offends him a lot. Ronnie said they talk about a lot of personal stuff and he didn't think he had to go through a lot of channels to find out. Gary said he listens to the show and Howard has told a lot of people the same thing. Jon asked if he thinks he's exempt from that because of who he is. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said they talk about personal stuff all the time. Ronnie said he thought it was a simple answer.
Steve Brandano said that Ronnie talks about personal stuff but this wasn't personal. He said this was about the block party. Ronnie said he gets it. He said he just asked about the movie. Jon said that it was about the block party though. He said Howard has made it clear he's not a fan of the block party. Ronnie said he watched his Pace Car episode on Howard TV and Howard was saying that he takes people from behind the scenes and makes them a star. Then he tells him he hates the block party.
Jon asked if he likes watching himself on TV. Ronnie said everyone was telling him about it so he watched it. He said he rarely watches Howard TV but he wanted to see this. He said the episode came out great and he came off awesome.
Ronnie said he wanted to scare the shit out of Jon Leiberman and that's what he did. Gary asked Ronnie if he is happy about the way he's portrayed on TV. Ronnie said he was happy with that episode. He said he hasn't seen much else on Howard TV though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie has to stop being so defensive. He said Howard doesn't want people making money off his name. He said he doesn't have to bring up the block party anymore. Ronnie said he hears him. The caller said he can't bring it up anymore. Ronnie said he gets it. He said he's going to keep his mouth shut.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Ronnie did anything wrong. Gary said he doesn't think so. Jon said he's surprised that Ronnie is so hurt. Ronnie said he's not sure why he's going around in circles again. He said he will go to Gary from now on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Ronnie doesn't get it. Ronnie said he does understand and he just said he understands. The caller said that he's putting Howard in that position to have to answer. The caller said he doesn't want to know about this stuff. The caller, Gary and Ronnie went back and forth talking about that for a minute.
Jon asked if it's going to be awkward when they get in the car today. Ronnie said he's been through this before so it'll be fine. He said there won't be a problem.
Gary asked Ronnie if he gets why Howard doesn't like this. Ronnie said he gets it. He said Howard doesn't like to say no to anyone.
Jon asked why he went into the studio today. Ronnie asked why not. He said he was told to go in so he went in. He said they were going to do a show and this guy was going to buy out a place through the promoter. He said he wanted to show the movie and that's why he asked about it. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Jon said he's so bummed out. Ronnie said he doesn't like throwing people under the bus. Jon said that Gary just said he's one of them and he's fine with it. Ronnie said there are some people who need some help.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves Ronnie. He said that Howard made it clear when Ronnie was on the billboard that he didn't want anything to do with the block party. The caller said he thinks Howard is a little touchy lately with the show. He said certain things get him upset and maybe he's thinking the show is becoming more than just about him. Ronnie didn't have anything to say about that. He said he doesn't know what the guy is talking about.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Howard is moody lately. Gary said he might be a little bit. He said he's busy with the show and with AGT.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said he wanted to say something about Ronnie. He said that if you have a screening of Howard's movie at the block party that's crossing the line. Ronnie said the movie is all over TV and they're not charging people to see it. He said they're not adding any extra charge. Ralph said they're adding the movie though. He said that's adding something in a round about way. He said they have to look into how they can do that and not ask Howard about it. Gary said if they sold 150 tickets and then they sell another 100 because they added the movie then they are charging for it. Ronnie said he knows what he's saying. He said Ralph is the one who tries to make him look like an ass all the time. Ralph said he's not trying to.
Gary said he doesn't think that Ralph is gay but he would like to know if he's been in an orgy with more than one guy. Ralph asked who hasn't. He said he may have been in a situation like that. He said that he loves that Varvatos is wondering if he's gay. He said that he thought that Varvatos could be gay too. He said he loves the guy though. He said he would give him a hand job for all the help he's given Howard.
Jon asked Ralph about working with Varvatos. Ralph said he was bringing Howard stuff from there for years and it didn't quite fit. Now they have it set up so he has stuff that fits and it's awesome.
Jon asked when Howard became fashion conscious. Ronnie said he thinks it started when Howard started at AGT. Ralph said he thinks that he's always cared. He said it took some time to get it right though. He said he was doing it at channel 9. He said he didn't even know it at the time. Ralph said he was on camera so you always want to get it right. Ralph said it took a while but they got there.
Ronnie said he thinks when Howard got on AGT he started to get more into much nicer clothes and more rock star kind of stuff. Ralph said John has a lot to do with that. He said you can want something and not be able to get it. He said it's a good fit for Howard.
Gary said he saw Howard in a Varvatos suit one time and he was jealous of it. He said it was really nice. Gary said he's never been jealous like he was that day.
Jon thanked Ralph, the man of mystery, for the call. Ronnie asked if he saw the car John designed. Ralph said he did. They said it's really nice. Gary said that his stuff is very appealing to men. Ralph said that his stuff isn't that expensive either. He said it's a good place for men to shop at. He said there are little details that you really like. He said they pay a lot of attention to detail.
Gary said he went shopping with Ralph about 15 years ago and he touches everything. He said if he feels something nice he'll stop and touch it. Ralph said sometimes he will turn around and go grab it. He said they have to feel good on you or you won't wear it. Jon thanked Ralph for the call again and let him go.
Jon said that Benjy was talking about the black people thing and how he didn't even get to go see Robin. Jon said that he wishes they had Sal down there to say that some of his best friends are black. Jon asked Ronnie if he has any black friends. Ronnie said he has black friends. He said he made a lot of friends at AGT. He said he hung out with them and had a good time.
Jon asked Ronnie how his experience was down in New Orleans. Ronnie said it was different. He said that everything was different down there. He said the new judges are hot. He said they look awesome. Ronnie said Howard picked out Heidi's first dress and it's awesome.
Jon asked if Ronnie heard Robin go off on Heidi. Ronnie said he missed that. The rest of them heard her going off on her. Jon had to end the show a short time later.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Howard started the show talking about how he was watching the news last night about the Pope and the black smoke coming out. He thought that they had elected the black pope because of that. Robin said that's not the way it works. Howard said he thought it was very progressive of the church to do it that way. He said they have to come up with a different signal then. Howard said maybe they could do a bat signal or a thumbs up or thumbs down. Howard said black smoke is not good for the environment. Robin said it might just be food coloring or something.
Howard said he wonders what those guys are doing in there. He wondered if they have some boys stashed in there.
Howard said he's so tired. He said he went to bed at 9:30 but he was up at 4. He said he can't get enough sleep. He said he has no time for sleep. He said he has to go to San Antonio next week for AGT. He said they should just bring people to New York or L.A. instead. He said they don't have to be there. Howard said they tell him that they do it every year so they keep doing it. Howard said it costs a fortune to set up in each city though. Robin said it's like a traveling circus.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Robin's hatred of Heidi Klum. Howard said he also had some man on the street stuff about Heidi and Robin. Gary told him where it was. Howard played a clip of Little Mikey going out on the street and asking women if they can see why other women wouldn't like Heidi Klum. Some of the women could see why some women wouldn't like her. They thought it might be jealousy.
Robin said she likes AGT but she wants judges with credibility. Robin said she doesn't want to see a fashion star judging jugglers and singers.
Howard asked who is worse, Dr. Drew or Heidi Klum. Robin said Dr. Drew. She said she really doesn't dislike Heidi. Howard said he thinks she's an expert in human cannon balling. He said that she is an executive on a TV show and she's worked her way into that. Robin said it's all about clothes though. She said that it's not that she doesn't like her. She said she felt the same way about Sharon at first but she turned out to be a good judge. Robin said this is just her initial first reaction. She said she has problems with Mel B as well. She said she'll have to wait and see what happens.
Howard said Robin just wants to see him judge. Howard said he agrees with her. Howard said he can sense the audience feels the same way.
Howard said people yell out Heidi's name in the audience. He said they seem to like her. He said he has to work extra hard for that. Robin said they've been yelling her name since she was born. Howard said she has no flaws physically. He said she's had 4 kids too. Howard said she doesn't even work out.
Robin said she doesn't think he even plays guitar. Howard said he can't wait for her to visit the set of AGT. Howard said Heidi probably hates his songs now too. Howard said she won't disagree with her on that.
Howard said Heidi breaks into song quite often on the show. He said that he just hums in his head when he wants to sing along.
Tommy asked if Howard has ever seen the seals in San Francisco. Howard said he never gets out of New York. He said he doesn't even know how to get down to the village. Howard said it would be like looking for lost treasure if he went out. Howard said he has no idea where anything is. He said a baby knows more than he does. Howard said he isn't even sure where Sirius is. He said that might sound funny but he has no idea how to get back home to his apartment from there. Howard said Ronnie has a great sense of direction and he knows where to go.
Howard said even when he wasn't successful on radio and he had to drive he still didn't know how to get anywhere. He said he had to map out where to go. He said if he had to go to work then he could get there but that's it. He said if he had to take an alternate route he wouldn't know how to get there. Howard said he wouldn't make it to work.
Howard said they were at NBC once and he got lost with Fred and Robin. He said they got lost in the Bronx. He said he was afraid to stop. Robin said she told Howard not to stop. She said she was the one telling them not to stop to let them know they were lost. Howard said they would get lost in Washington DC all the time. He said he really had no idea how to get around. He said he just doesn't know where things are.
Robin said thank god for GPS. Howard said even a GPS gets him lost. He said he was in a parking lot driving around in a circle because of what the GPS was saying. He said he didn't know what else to do. Howard said he was on his 10th trip around the parking lot. Robin said he's lucky it wasn't a lake. Howard said maybe it was anti-Semitic. He said maybe the thing wanted him to drive to Israel or something.
Tommy asked Howard if he has an escape clause in his contract. Howard said his agent told him that he has some kind of way out. Howard said if it was just going on and on then he could get out but he may have just told him that. He said he might have been able to get out if he wanted to give up. He said that they don't seem to care around there. Howard said people don't realize what they have until it's gone.
Howard said he met with Jim Meyer and it seems like things are going to be okay around there. He said he has some high hopes. He said that's why he's been so pleasant. Tommy asked if he's Jewish. Howard said he think that he's just a regular guy that you'd have a beer with. He said he likes Jewish guys because he grew up and he wanted to live with them. He said he craved that. He said he was cool when he was a kid. Robin asked if he could make it in a mixed segregation. Howard said he doesn't like integration. He said he wants to be around people like him.
Howard said they're busy today. He said Beetlejuice is stopping by and Dennis Rodman may be calling in from Rome. Howard said he told Will if the phone connection is horrible he won't take the call. He said if the connection is good they'll give it a try. He said Dennis is hard enough to understand without a bad phone connection. He said Dennis is over there in Rome for the Pope thing.
Howard said he was researching Dennis and he was kicked out of a hotel after he was drinking and he was trying to get people to listen to him about Kim Jong Un. Howard said he was running around with his manifesto too. He said when he saw the black smoke last night he thought it was Dennis smoking a joint.
Howard said Jenny McCarthy will be coming in today too. He said they had to book her again after Gary double booked her last time. Tommy said she's his favorite.
Tommy said that Howard should just say ''Agt'' when he wants to talk about AGT like he used to do when he was talking about Sirius at K-Rock. Howard said he likes AGT. Howard said he could make the day shorter if the judges could shorten up their comments. Howard said he's not saying anything else about that. Howard said people don't like the AGT talk so he's not talking. He said he got a lot of feedback about that and people like that he's not talking about it. Howard said there are some that want to hear about it but he won't talk.
Tommy said he wanted to say Happy birthday and Happy New Year since he hasn't spoken to him in so long. Howard thanked him for that. He said he likes Tommy even though people tell him not to have him on.
Howard said he was reading an article about relationships and he realized that he can't do any of it. Howard said he doesn't know why he reads them. He said they tell you to unfilter your world. He said ''fuck that'' when he read it. Howard said they want you to sew the seeds of love and be perfectly imperfect. Howard said it's all psycho babble. He said he reads this stuff because it's going to be good for the show. He said he just can't do it though.
Howard said he read about how Taylor Swift's management company was throwing out the fan mail that was coming in for her. Howard said it wasn't Taylor herself. Howard said that High Pitch Mike was probably a majority of the mail. He said he read his Facebook page and he's a fan of her's. Howard said he should take a break now. He said that Dennis might be on the phone. Gary said he's actually on now.
Howard asked if he's really there to meet the pope and did someone hire him to do it. Dennis said that he has done a lot of things in his career and they've been spontaneous. He said that this just came about in the last week. He said they haven't elected the new pope just yet but when they do he will have the opportunity to be there. Howard asked if he was confused when they had the black smoke coming out and if he thought they had elected the black pope. Dennis said Howard is fucking funny. Howard asked if he was sponsored going over there. Dennis said he was. He said they're doing this good thing to help spread world peace. He told Howard what it's about and how this casino is paying for him to be there. He said that they're going to see him in the Popemobile today too. He said that they should expect what to expect. Howard asked if he's going to meet with the cardinals. Dennis said he is. He said that should happen today sometime.
Howard asked Dennis about going to North Korea and hanging out with Kim Jong Un. Dennis said he's a really nice guy. Howard asked what he had for dinner. Dennis said that it was western food. He said it was the same kind of stuff they get there in America. He said the guy was smiling and he loves basketball. Howard asked if he let him kill anyone over there. Dennis laughed and said that wasn't going on. Dennis said that he had a good conversation with the guy.
Howard said if he's 28 years old and running a country you're going to have tons of pussy running through your palace. Dennis said he has a wife. Howard said he's a douche. Dennis said that he can make $100 million a year and you can't do anything about it. He said he runs a country and he has more power than Obama.
Howard asked if he thinks he fucks around on the side. Dennis said he doesn't know anyone who hasn't had some side kicks being in a position like that. Dennis said Howard has probably done that on the side.
Howard asked if Kim asked to see his penis because it's legendary. Dennis just laughed. Robin asked if he had to use an interpreter. Dennis said he did talk a little. Howard said he needs an interpreter himself.
Howard asked Dennis if he was debriefed after going over there. He said that he's like the only Western guy to go over there like this. Dennis said they didn't but there was a lot of talk about it.
Howard said two days after he came back from North Korea they threatened a nuclear attack on us. He said he's a great negotiator. Dennis said that if that was the truth you would think he would have pushed the button. He said they say they're going to do stuff and you don't believe it. Howard asked if he thinks he was just mouthing off. Dennis said if Obama just picked up the phone and called him he'd be fine. He said Obama is scared of that kid.
Howard said that everyone hates that kid here in America. Howard asked why he was running around with his manifesto. Dennis laughed again. He said it wasn't like that. He said he's not like that. Dennis said he isn't trying to be this man of power. He said he's just out there trying to help. He said he's going to do that no matter what.
Howard asked if he read the manifesto. Dennis said he didn't have to read it. He said that's not his job to save the whole earth. Howard said this guy is a communist dictator who has carried on in his father's tradition of enslaving his people. He said he must despise slavery. Howard said he has to ask himself if he wants to put a nice face on this guy. Dennis said the whole thing about going over there was to talk about basketball. He said that's what the whole trip was about. Howard said he must have wanted to get some of that Korean pussy too. Dennis laughed again.
Dennis said next time he's on the show he's going to bring some Korean women with him so he can see. Howard said he can't even compete with him and his penis.
Howard said he found it funny that Dennis broke his penis 3 times and he's the guy meeting with Kim Jong Un. Howard asked if he might just stay there because this guy loves him so much. Howard said he could probably set him up in a mansion over there. Howard asked if he loves North Korea more than America. Dennis said he won't let Howard set him up like that. He said he's not going to say that. Dennis said that he didn't ask for all of this. He wasn't looking for all of this stuff that's going on. He said that he thinks Obama should contact the guy and talk to him though. He said that they can call him if they want to. Dennis said that Obama shouldn't be a pussy. He should just call.
Howard asked when he's going on this vacation with Kim Jong Un. Dennis said that it's just a friend thing. He said that he cares about his people and he saw a lot of things over there. Howard asked what he saw. Dennis said they can look at it in any way they want. He said he saw these people kissing his ass. He said he's like god over there. Howard said they have to love him. If they don't they'll get fucked.
Howard asked Dennis about fucking around with guys and asked if Kim Jong Un says he wants big black cock, would he consider making love to him. Dennis said back in the 70s when Howard was in college with Robin he's pretty sure he was fucking a lot of black guys and white guys. He said Howard looked so gay with that fucking moustache. Howard told him not to attack him. He said he's his friend. Howard said he has enough problems.
Robin asked when Dennis said he was bi-sexual. Howard said he thought he had said that. Dennis said Howard had an afro and that's half black. Howard said he thought Dennis said he was bi-sexual. Dennis said if he was then the whole world would know about it. He said if he said he was gay people would not give a shit. Howard said he's fucked more women than any guy. Howard said he thought he had said he had dabbled. Dennis said he has gone to gay bars and he has had guys kiss him but that's about it.
Howard asked Dennis if he's going to ask the new pope why they're so anti-gay. Dennis said something about Obama as a response.
Howard gave Dennis a plug for the web site that's sponsoring him. That's PaddyPower.com.
Howard asked Dennis if he has anyone that he would never hang out with. Dennis said he has no problem with anyone. Howard asked if he would have hung out with Osama bin Laden. Dennis said the only way to get things going is to sit down and talk to people. He said Jimmy Carter went to talk to people to work out peace. He said Bill Clinton did the same thing.
Howard asked if Dennis has been in touch with Kim Jong Un since he was over there. Dennis said he's not god and no one is god. He said he's just trying to get this world peace thing going.
Robin asked when Dennis got into the world peace discussion. Dennis said right now he is. Howard asked if he has any other world leaders on his itinerary. Dennis said he doesn't know. Howard said it's crazy that he's hanging out with Kim Jong Un. Howard said that when the old fuck father died you would never know that you'd be hanging out with the son. Dennis said that was history right there. He said he just went over to teach basketball and it turned into a big thing. He said there are a lot of haters out there.
Howard asked what he's wearing right now. Dennis said that he's just hanging out in Robe right now and wondering if the new pope is going to be black. Howard said that would be great because all of these white people would have to hang pictures of a black pope on their walls.
Howard said he has to get Dennis in the studio at some point. Howard asked him to come back there and talk to him after his vacation with Kim Jong Un. Dennis said he'll be in New York tomorrow for the roast they're doing for him. He said that's on Friday actually. Dennis said that would be cool if Howard dropped by. Howard gave him some more plugs for the web site PaddyPower.com and also for a children's book he's selling called ''Dennis the Wild Bull.'' You can find that at DennisRodman.com
Howard asked him to write a book about his adventures with Kim Jong Un. Howard said he would read that. Howard wished him luck with his meeting with the new pope today. Howard told him to bring peace to the world. He said everything is in his hands now. Howard wished him luck. He said yesterday it was Korea, today it's Rome and maybe tomorrow it'll be Mars. He thanked him for the call and let him go a short time later.
Howard said he had Kim Jong Un on the phone to defend himself. It was Fred the Elephant Boy reading some lines as Kim Jong Un. Howard and Fred went back and forth with some funny lines. Howard did that for a few seconds and most of the jokes were in Japanese. Howard let him go after a minute or so.
Howard and Robin were talking about how hard it is to understand Dennis on the phone and even in the studio. Howard said that this stuff just kind of fell in his lap. He said this web site is paying for him to be over there in Rome today. Howard said he will go on his web site and get his new book too. Howard said he's very good with children. Howard went to break a short time later.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Howard came back and said he hates that song. He said it's not great. He said there are so many great songs out there and that's just not great.
Howard said he was watching that Eagles documentary. He said it's really long. He said it's on Showtime and he's into it but he doesn't care that much about them. He said the best part about it is Joe Walsh. He said he loves Joe. Howard said the other guys take themselves so seriously. He said he was thinking about it when he was getting up at 4 in the morning. Howard said they can take months off at a time and the fans don't get mad at them. Howard said he takes one day off and his fans get mad at him. He said it seems like a cool life to him.
Howard said they're waiting for Beetlejuice so he's going to get to a few clips. Howard said the Boy Scouts are making a big deal about this gay thing. He said it's so dumb. Howard said that if a kid is gay it's not that big of a deal. He said they're afraid that kids are going to become gay. Howard said the Boy Scouts are sending out letters asking parents what they think about them letting gay men as leaders. Howard said they ask about sleeping arrangements and things like that. Howard said some of the questions are really out there. He said these people are really stupid. He asked who they are. He said if some boy is gay and in a tent he's not going to attack other boys.
Robin said people think you can be ''turned'' gay. Robin said they think that this one kid is going to turn other kids gay. Howard said if you can be turned gay then your whole life can be turned upside down. Howard said this country is so backwards sometimes.
Howard said he has a bunch of different audio clips and things to play. Howard said St. Patrick's Day is coming up. He said he was thinking about the bagpipes and how annoying that would be to play in the house. Robin said she almost took that up as a kid. Howard said that's like the worst instrument. Howard said he went and found some songs that have bagpipes in them. Howard played one for Robin and asked her to identify it. Robin didn't know. It was a cover of Guns N Roses ''Sweet Child O' Mine'' that was unrecognizable. Howard said they're the same notes but you can't even tell.
Howard said bagpipes are for musicians who don't want to get laid. Howard played another bagpipe song and asked Robin to figure that one out. Fred got it after a few notes. It was a cover of Ozzy Osbourne's ''Crazy Train.'' Howard played another one and it sounded kind of familiar. Fred got it again and said it was Lady Gaga's ''Bad Romance.'' Howard played another one and Fred got it again. He said it was Adele. Howard said he was right but he didn't know the name of the song.
Howard said they wrote a song parody to the tune of that song. Howard asked if Gary had that available. Gary said he didn't.
Howard said St. Patrick's day is this Sunday so there will be a lot of bagpipes being played. Gary told Howard where the song was at. Howard played the parody of Adele's song that was all about eating.
Howard said he told Ronnie he hates that block party. He said Ronnie asked him about doing something at a block party and he came down on him on the show. Howard said he told him to go to Gary with that stuff. Howard played a song parody about the block party and then played some of the audio from the Wrap Up Show from yesterday. Gary cleared his throat at one point so Howard got distracted by that. He said Gary has been doing that all morning.
Howard goofed on Ronnie about the way he was saying some things to Gary when he was questioned about yesterday's show. Howard said he doesn't want to be involved in that block party but now he is. He said the worst time to be involved is in the elevator on the way up in the morning. Howard said he just wanted to say no to him but he hates saying no. Howard said he hates the whole block party.
Howard said Ronnie is the ultimate multitasker. He can drive him home and drive him nuts at the same time. Howard played a new song parody about Ronnie bothering him about the block party. Howard said that was Eli Braden.
Ronnie came in so Howard asked why he came in. Ronnie said Gary told him to go in. Howard asked who Gary is to tell him to come in. Howard said he's listening to Ronnie saying ''hardly never'' in the clip. Howard said nothing makes Ronnie uncomfortable. Ronnie said Howard got uncomfortable when they were listening. He said Howard changed the subject yesterday when that came on. Howard said he didn't want to get into it.
Howard played another clip of Ronnie talking to Jon and Gary about the block party thing and how he and Howard can talk about personal stuff all the time. He didn't think that it would be a big deal.
Howard said he doesn't want to talk about the block party anymore. Ronnie said that's no problem. He said he won't bother him anymore. Howard said he won't be upset if the block party goes away tomorrow. He let the audience know that he has nothing to do with it. Howard said he doesn't like it and he doesn't approve of it. Ronnie thanked him very much for that. He said that was awesome. Howard said he bothers him with that block party. Ronnie said he will never ask a question again.
Howard asked Beet if he knows he's black. Robin was wondering. Beet said of course he knows. Howard said that woman over there is writing down what he says. Howard said she can read it back to him if he needs to find out.
Howard asked Laura what he's said so far. Laura read back some of what Beetlejuice said. She said that it might take a while. Beet said he could do it in 5 minutes. She said he said something about going up to god. Howard didn't hear that. He said he may have to hear that back if he misses something.
Howard asked Beet how he's doing. Beet said he's doing good. He said nothing is wrong at all. Howard said he wants to tell him that he has a lot of plugs because he's working a lot in the next couple of weeks. Beet said that business is good and pussy is good. Howard asked Laura to read that back to him but said he was just kidding.
Howard asked Beet where he's living. Beet said he's living with Bobby for a little while. Howard said he heard he's moving back in with his mom. Beet said he has been with her a couple times. He said he's going back and forth. Howard said that's a busy lifestyle. Beet said he has to work.
Howard said Beet plays many instruments. Bete said he has a couple of times. Howard said he's going to play Beet playing the violin. Beetle said he's played that since he was 6 years old. Howard said this is an actual concert clip. He played Beet playing ''Flight of the Bumble Bee.'' Beet said he's played since he was 6 years old. Howard asked why he doesn't come in and play it there. Beet mumbled something.
Howard played some of Beet playing guitar. It was an amazing guitar clip. Beet said he's been playing guitar since he was 8 years old. Howard asked if he's a savant. Beet said yeah. Robin asked if he could do that right now. Beet said he doesn't have his guitar right now.
Howard said Beet plays trumpet too so he played a clip of a pro playing. Howard said that's a jazz band he's playing with. Robin asked if he plays anything slow. Howard asked him about playing the harp. Beet said sometimes it's hard and sometimes it's not. Howard played another clip of Beet playing harp. Beet said he's been playing that since he was 6 years old too. Howard said he loves it.
Howard said he plays another instrument and that's the tuba. He played a clip of that and Beet said he does play that. Howard said he can't believe Beet is going along with this.
Howard said this is an amazing story. He said Michael Bay called him in for a meeting to be part of Transformers 2. Howard said his manager says this story is true.
Howard had the guys bring Bobby in to talk about that. Howard asked what happened when they met with him. Bobby came in and said that they got a call from the casting director. Howard cut him off and asked Beet if he fucked Megan Fox. He said something about that and Laura had to read it back to Howard because he didn't understand.
Bobby told Howard that Michael Bay is a big fan of Beet's and they wanted to meet with him at Princeton University. He said they wanted to use his voice as one of the characters in the movie. Bobby said that's Beet's alma matter. Beet said he went there in 1981.
Bobby told Howard that Michael Bay showed up and had a laptop with him. He said he got out and told Beet he's a big fan. He said he showed Beet a character on his laptop. He said it was one of the robots with Beet's voice. He told him to check it out but Beet was in one of his moods. He said Beet said ''good for you'' when he said he was a fan. He said Beet said that clip had nothing to do with him. Howard asked what set him off with him. Beet said he asked him why he didn't just leave or put him in the movie. He said he can put his own fucking voice in it. Howard had to have Laura read that back to him.
Howard said Laura is a good stenographer. He said she's a genius. She only has 22 keys to use and she got all of that down.
Howard asked Bobby what happened next. Bobby said that Beet told Michael Bay ''Yeah, fuck him.'' He said that they never got called back. Beet said that the guy was an asshole. Howard said he's heard that before. Beet said he was acting like a tough guy so he took him out and laid his ass out.
Howard said what he loves about him is that he isn't a show business phony. Howard said he doesn't care and he will tell someone what he thinks of them. He said Beet knew that he had millions on the line and he still did that. Beet said he was acting like a tough guy so he knocked him the fuck out. Howard asked Laura to read that back to them. Laura read what Beet had just said.
Howard asked Bobby if he told Beet that he was meeting with this guy and he had to have some respect. Bobby said he tried to tell him that he was a friend and they knew him from years ago.
Howard asked Beet if he just doesn't like people. Beet said that he was trying to act like a tough guy so he knocked him out.
Howard asked if Beet is living with Bobby. Bobby said he's living in Georgia with his mother but he's up for a visit for a couple of months. He said they booked him with a few gigs while he's up there. Howard asked if he's tough to live with. Bobby said that he is kind of tough. Then he said he's fine because Beet was giving him the look.
Howard asked where Beet would prefer to live. Beet said he likes living with his mom. He said he never fights with her. He said he has his own room and his own space with her. He said he never says anything to her. Howard asked if he can have women over in his room at his mom's house. Beet said he can bring girls in when she's not there. Howard asked if he can smoke in front of his mom. Beet said he can do that and drink too. Beet said he's a grown man so he can do whatever the fuck he wants.
Howard asked Bobby how he controls that situation. Bobby said he will just get up and go to a movie theater sometimes. He said that's about half a mile away and he'll just walk there.
Howard said he had Michael Bay on the phone. He picked up and the guys in the back were playing Scott the Engineer yelling clips to get Beet upset. Beet said he'd murder him. He said he'll stomp his fucking ass. Howard said he wanted to give him work and now he's acting like a douche. They had Scott saying ''Tell the fucking truth'' and things like that. Beet was arguing with the clips and saying he would murder his fucking ass in two weeks. Howard said he loves teaming up with Beet when a guy like that calls in.
Howard asked Bobby about Beet turning down Transformers 2. Bobby said it was just a disaster. Howard asked if he called Michael and apologized. Bobby said it was like ''Don't call us, we'll call you.'' He said he may have flushed a quarter of a million down the drain. Howard said Beet is the best.
Howard said Beet has a laundry list of things he's going to be doing. Howard said he's working for a couple of months and then he'll be off for a while. Howard asked how the food is at Bobby's house. Beet said it's good.
Howard said this Sunday they'll be at the Draft House in Long Branch, New Jersey. He said they'll be at the Ronnie Mund Jamaican Getaway soon. He said he'll be making a few other appearances soon too.
Howard asked Bobby if he goes on the gigs with Beet. Bobby said he won't be in Jamaica. He said he has to talk to Ronnie about that.
Howard said Beet will be at the Birchwood Manor in Whippany, New Jersey for a fight event this Friday night. Howard asked Beet if he thinks that boxing is too dangerous. He asked if he's worried about brain damage. Beet said he's not. Howard said that's what he figured.
Howard said you can follow Beet @BeetlePimp on twitter. Howard said that Laura was very good today. He gave her some plugs for the company she came from, Veritext.com
Howard said that Beet brought in a molded head of himself for Howard. Howard said he's going to keep that in the studio.
Howard took a call from someone claiming to be a woman. Beet wasn't stupid. He said that wasn't fooling anyone. The caller asked if he wanted to meet in the back alley. Beet said he's not falling for that.
Howard asked beet if he had anything he wanted to say today before he leaves. Beet said he had nothing to say. Howard wrapped up and let Beet and Bobby go a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Jenny McCarthy was there. Howard said she's been beautiful her whole life as far as he knows. He said that she's a sexy broad.
Howard said Gary double booked her a few weeks back. Jenny said he should kiss her feet. Gary said he would do that. Howard said he's sorry that happened. Jenny asked how they did that and how they picked who came in. Gary said they were both booked at the same time and he tried to get her to come in early but she wasn't ready. Jewel was already there. Howard said that they figured that Jenny was out of town or something. Gary said he called both and found out when they could get there. Gary said it was just one of those things. Howard said Gary fucked up. Gary said he sent her flowers. Jenny said that they sent her a password for free radio too.
Howard said Jenny is a hot chick. Jenny said Howard is looking good too. Robin said that Jenny's cousin is a huge star and they have to ask her about that. Howard said they will do that. Howard said they have a photo gallery up on HowardStern.com for Jenny. They have a lot of her pictures from being on the show up there.
Howard asked Jenny if she sends pictures on her cell phone to guys. She said she will do that. She said she does it even if they're not her boyfriend. Howard asked if she was always sexual. Howard said most girls who look like her don't put out. Jenny said she did. She said she used to masturbate on top of her Teddy bear until her mom sold it. She said she was in about 8th grade when she started having orgasms. She said her mom sold Tubby the Telly Bear. She said she moved to her hand and she thought she was going to hell for doing that. She said she thought if she used the paw of the bear she wouldn't go to hell.
Howard asked when she got really sexual. Jenny said she lost her virginity at 15 and then she started doing stuff with girls when she got into Playboy. She said she had an amazing time with girls when they went on a trip for Playboy.
Howard asked if Jenna Jameson ate her out or not. Jenny said she made out with her but she did not go down on her. She said that she did finger her best friend in the booth next to her but that wasn't her. She said that it was at a club appearance they were making. She said that she did do the girlfriend in the booth next to her.
Robin asked why Jenny doesn't talk like this on Oprah. Jenny said Oprah didn't want to talk about threesome's. Howard asked if she would finger Oprah if she asked her to. Jenny said that would be the biggest headline if she said she did. Howard said maybe Oprah hasn't tired any lesbian stuff. Jenny laughed. She said that she would probably finger Oprah if she was open to it. Howard said Oprah might call her when she hears about that. Howard asked if she has fingered her. Jenny said she has not.
Howard said Jenny is single right now. Howard said she can't seem to settle down with one guy. Howard said there's something going on. Howard said he knew that Jim Carrey wouldn't marry her. Jenny said she has to date more guys and figure out what she really wants. Howard said she dated that Brain Urlacher. Jenny said that they turned into friends. She said that they were having buddy conversations so that's where the relationship went. Howard said Jenny is kind of a Tom boy type so maybe that's why that happens. Jenny said that there are people who will pull you down to their level.
Howard said that JD wants to fuck her. Howard said they were in a writing meeting and her name came up. Howard said JD is a shy kid but he said that he would let her pee on him if he wanted. Howard said this is his dream. Howard said he remembers him saying that.
JD came in and said that they were talking about punishments for Gary in a writer's meeting. He said Sal was the one who brought up the peeing thing. He said that he just said that he'd let her pee on him and he doesn't really want to get peed on. Howard said JD is dressed horribly today. Jenny said that it's not that bad for her. She said that Howard is dressed very well today.
Jenny asked JD to just show her his penis and get it over with. Howard asked JD if he has a good sized penis. JD said it's a good size. Howard told JD to get out of there after that.
Howard said Jenny isn't going to meet a guy. He said he hated it when she was dating Jim Carrey. Jenny said the autism thing was in her life and she was so focused on that so she didn't see what was in front of her. Howard asked if she thinks he cheated on her. She said she doesn't think so.
Howard said Jenny said that her son missed Jim Carrey and it made news. Jenny said she never heard from Jim after that. She said she learned that she can't talk about people like that when they're not there to defend themselves. She said that it because such big news that it was a very delicate topic. Jenny said she didn't want to talk about it.
Jenny said she wanted to talk about her new ability to squirt. She said she saw that this was going on with women and she anted to know how to do it. Howard said he thinks it's just pee. Jenny said it's really not. She said she didn't know how to please a man so she had to learn how to do that. Jenny said she used to just lay there. She said she was boring. Howard said just looking at her naked would get him hard. Jenny said at 40 you better know some tricks. Howard said she's just as hot at 40 as she was at 20. Jenny said this is just her latest thing. She said she wants to make it more exciting in bed for her. Howard asked what she's doing in bed at 40. Jenny said she gives good head. She said guys tell her it's the best they've ever had. Howard asked if Jim said that. Jenny said she doesn't remember if he did. She said she heard that after that relationship.
Jenny said that she mentioned a lube she uses for blow jobs and it's a watermelon lube. She said it makes it taste like a huge lollipop. She said that she enjoys it.
Robin asked if she makes herself squirt. Jenny said she does. She said she can teach women how to do this. Jenny said it's not an actual orgasm. Jenny said you have to have sex for about 5-10 minutes and get in that turned on mode. She said you push like you have to pee but you don't pee. She said it's water that comes out but it's not pee. She said you're not cumming during that time. She said it's visually insane. Howard said he'd get scared and he doesn't want to see that.
Howard asked if guys can last 5-10 minutes with her. Jenny said she's only slept with 3 guys since she saw Howard last. She said one guy lasted 3 minutes and one who lasted 45 minutes. She said she told him to get the fuck out. Jenny said she doesn't want to fuck for 2 hours and guys have a misconception about that. Howard said he finishes sooner than 3 minutes. He said he can finish just entering. Howard said it's amazing. Jenny asked how it is when Beth goes down on him. Howard said he's not that into it. He said he doesn't care about it. He said he'd rather just fuck.
Jenny asked how Howard makes Beth cum. Howard said he makes it happen. He said any woman who is with him will. Jenny said that she figures just having Howard talk dirty to her would turn her on. Howard said it would. He said Beth hates it though. He said she shushes him. Jenny said she loves guys talking dirty to her.
Howard asked what it is that she does in bed now. Jenny said she goes on YouPorn now and searches for first time anal videos. Howard said that she's like a guy in a woman's body. Howard asked if she gets off to those videos. She said she has. Howard asked if she has ever seen babysitter porn. She said she has not. Howard told her to check it out on YouPorn. Jenny thought he was talking about real baby sitters. Jenny said she watches massage parlor porn. She said they have that on YouPorn. Howard said he's going to check that out tonight. Howard said they can masturbate together. Jenny does it too late at night for him though.
Howard asked jenny if she wants guys to see her doing that. She said she doesn't want them to see too much. She said she has stretch marks on her boobs. Howard asked to see them. She showed Howard a little bit. She said she has a c-section scar too. She said she has pubes down there but the scar is still there.
Jenny said she likes to move around in bed and she likes guys who flip you over and smoosh her face into the pillow. She said she likes it on the side too. Howard said that sounds good to him.
Jenny said she has had guys who are on Propecia who have had problems with their penis. She said that they don't get hard. Howard said he's glad she's doing this study. Jenny said that it causes E.D. Jenny said she wants to fall in love with a guy and if he's bald and has a hard dick that's fine. She said she likes guys to trim down there too. She said that she doesn't want them to do too much grooming. Howard said he has done that. Jenny said she'd rather choke on a pube than have them have no hair down there.
Howard said Jenny would probably hate him if he was with her. Jenny asked if he would have married Mary McCormack. Howard said she played his wife in a movie. He said that's very cliche. Howard said he does love Mary. Jenny said she is a guy trapped in a woman's body. Howard asked if she got it on with her. Jenny laughed. Howard said he knew it. Jenny said she hugged her at a party. She said she's going to plead the 5th.
Howard asked Jenny about doing Playboy and what that was like for her. Jenny said she was hanging out with a group and they all took ecstasy. She said that it was a huge orgy on the beach. She said there were arms and legs all over the place. She said she remembers humping a tree thinking it was Miss July. Jenny said that the guy who gave them the Ecstasy wanted to get involved so they all ran off. She said they had no clothes on so they had to walk naked back to the hotel. She said that it was the best night of her life though.
Jenny said she wanted to be Playmate of the year so she did everything good that she could. She said she never really messed around at the mansion. She said that she lost the voters vote but a bunch of people asked Hef to make her the Playmate of the year. She said that Hef had Kimberly at the time. Howard said he used to have people come in and watch him fuck in the room. Jenny said things were much tamer when she was there.
Howard asked if she was happy being a playmate. Jenny said she was. She said she used the money to pay off her parent's debt. She said things were different back then. She said she had a huge bush back then. She said it looks like Gary had his head between her legs.
Howard asked Jenny if she would ever masturbate to herself. Jenny said she wouldn't do that but she would think about the guys looking at her while masturbating.
Howard asked Jenny about signing with New Year's Rocking Eve and how she signed on to do 5 more years. Jenny said Ryan brought her in on that. Howard asked if they're going to drop the whole Dick Clark tribute from that show. Jenny said she thinks that this year was the last year for that.
Howard asked Jenny when she last got laid. She said this is the longest she's ever gone. She said she hasn't had sex in months. She said she's so confused right now. She doesn't want to date anyone right now. Howard said he thought that she was in New York the other night and thought about how he would just go fuck her if he was single. Howard said he's very monogamous. Jenny asked how he got someone to fall in love with him not for his fame. Howard jokingly said that Beth is only in love with him for his fame. He said he actually met her at a party and they started talking and that was it. He said he knew that was it. He said he knew he would never find anyone else like that. Jenny said that's what she's looking for.
Howard said Jenny must have known that Jim Carrey wasn't the one pretty quickly. Jenny said she doesn't remember. Howard said her eyes lit up so she did know it. Howard said she just wanted him to change and he wouldn't change.
Jenny said that she wants to fuck and she can't just go out and get a hooker. Howard asked when she was last with a woman. Jenny said it was years ago. Howard said that's probably over. jenny said she thinks she's over that part.
Jenny asked how old Howard is. He said he's 50. She said she thought he was like 47. Robin asked why he was lying about his age. Howard said he's actually 59. Jenny told him to shut the fuck up. She thought he was younger. She asked if he's still able to fuck and not need Viagra. Howard said he doesn't need it. He said he can fuck like a rabbit.
Howard said he used to play a game with Beth where he would play a massage boy and he'd do rude things to her and she'd threaten to call the front desk and complain. Howard said he was ''Massage boy.'' Jenny said that's retarded.
Howard asked Jenny about the TV show she's doing. Jenny said they air it on Friday night and Friday nights are tough. She said that they get good ratings when they have a good lead in. Howard said he heard that Josh Grobin walked out of the show because she had too many chicks in bikinis. Howard asked if he just walked in and walked out. Jenny said he came in and said that he was going to leave. She said it was 5 minutes before they were supposed to start. She said that they weren't going to sacrifice the show for him so they said he could leave if he wanted to. Jenny said that he wanted to change his brand or something so he didn't want to do the show.
Howard asked if there's pressure to do the show. Jenny said there always is. She said she kissed Eva Mendes in an interview and that will be on in a couple of weeks. Jenny said that Eva is stunning. She said that she was trying to show her a zit on her face and Eva thought she was trying to get her to kiss her. She said she turned and kissed her right back. Howard asked if they tongued. She said they didn't. Howard said that's lame.
Howard asked if she's getting paid to do this show. Jenny said it's not that much. Howard asked if she has a ton of money. Jenny said that autism ate up a ton of money. Howard asked if Jim gave her any money. She said she's not talking. Howard asked if she's a millionaire. She said she spent millions on her son. She said that he's recovered and he's going to be 11 in May. Jenny said that he has friends and they're calling chicks. She said she found naked boobies on his laptop already. She said his friends ask for hugs all the time. She said that they have walked in on her a few times so she has had to tell them to knock before coming in.
Howard asked Jenny what she needs from a guy as far as money. She said she has to make about $500,000. Howard said that he's glad she said that. Howard said he's glad she didn't say that he could be a plumber.
Robin asked Jenny if she's doing that Love in the Wild anymore. Jenny said that show didn't work out so she's doing this other show on VH1.
Robin asked about Jenny's cousin Melissa McCarthy. Jenny said she's very proud of her. She said that she had her work for her as a P.A. on a show she did. Jenny said they put her in one sketch and she was great in it. She said that she knew she was going to be huge. Jenny said that she has been working 20 years to make it and she's very proud of her.
Howard asked Jenny if Melissa had her come to her movie premiere. Jenny said she doesn't go out unless she has to. She said that Rex Reed said something about her and he can go fuck himself. Gary said he made a comment about her weight. Howard said he likes Rex Reed. He thinks he's funny.
Howard asked if she taught her cousin how to squirt. Jenny said she didn't but she did teach her friends how to do it. Jenny said it's fun and it spices up the bedroom.
Jenny said Melissa is on SNL this weekend. She said if she's in town she's going to go see her but she may be home with her son. Jenny said that she lives in Chicago and things are much more normal out there. Howard asked who watches him. Jenny said her family and best friends watch him. She said that a good friend of the family watches him most of the time. She said that she might have to move him to New York with her. Howard said she has to move him because she's working in New York. Jenny said he has great friends out there though. She said he doesn't care about what his mom does.
Howard said it might be easier to leave him behind if she didn't cure him of autism. Jenny said when he was autistic he didn't even know she was gone. She said he's the love of her life. Howard said that's not true, he's the love of her life.
Howard asked Jenny if she was wearing a bra. She said she is but they're bouncy today. Howard asked if she has panties on. She said she is not. Howard said that's news worthy. Howard asked if it's true that she blew a guy for 20 bucks while she was in college. Jenny said that is not true. She said she wrote something in her book that was misinterpreted. Jenny said she drove to spring break with two stoner guys from Southern Illinois University. She said they asked her for 20 more bucks to go on this drive. She said that they bought her a hot dog with the 20 bucks she gave them. She said she didn't blow them for 20 bucks.
Howard asked what was up with her French tip nails. Jenny said that she just put them on while she was on her way there this morning. She said her fingers look like penis fingers without them.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if she has ever urinated on anyone. He also asked what color her pee is. Jenny said she has never peed on a guy. She said she's not into that. Howard said he had a woman pee on his foot in the shower. Jenny said no to that. King said he's into that. He said she could sell a bottle of it to him.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who said he wants to fuck Jenny. He said that he just wants to do it once. Jenny asked if this is a male or female. Howard said he is a male but he's missing that $500,000 limit by about 500,000. Jenny told him to tune into her show and jerk off to it.
Another caller asked if Jenny would fuck Howard if he was single. Jenny said she would. He also told her to ride the Sybian. Howard said she's too classy for that.
Another caller asked if she uses a finger on her man. She said that it depends on if the guy is into it or not. The caller was talking about how hot Jenny's bush was back in the day. He asked if she still has some of that there. Jenny said she has a runway down there now.
Another caller asked Jenny to do an F, Marry, Kill with Howard, Jim Carrey and Brian Urlacher. Jenny said she would marry Howard and plead the 5th on the others. Howard asked if she would fuck Jim or Kill him. Jenny said they were both good in bed. She said she can't answer that question. Jenny said she would ''break up'' with Jim and have sex with Brian. She didn't want to say she would kill Jim.
Howard said he's sure that she said something wrong today. He said they'll know when it ends up in the news. Howard gave Jenny some plugs for her new TV show. He said he hopes she never finds anyone to marry. Howard said he doesn't need her being that happy. Jenny said she wants to be able to hook up with Howard at least once. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Jenny's voice is very annoying so he switched to the West Coast feed. He said he heard Howard talking about AGT so he's hoping he can stop it. He said he doesn't want to hear about AGT at all. Howard said he has to be joking. Howard said he's got a lot of cool stories about AGT and he won't talk about them.
Howard said he was reading about this Mahmoud Ahmadinejad hugging the mother of Hugo Chavez and he got into trouble for touching a woman. He said they're not supposed to touch women unless they're drowning. Howard said that this cleric called him out on it. He said you have to wait for a woman to be in a medical situation to hug them.
Howard said he was reading that Kim Kardashian gets blood treatments. He said he read it in a rag magazine. Fred said it's a real thing where they get your platelets and inject it back into your face. Howard said he uses his own feces as a mud mask. He said he would never inject his blood back into himself. Robin said that has to be illegal. Howard said they found a picture of it. Howard said it's awful. Robin said she knows how to bring blood to her face.
Howard said the founder of the band Yes is Peter Banks and he died. Robin said she just read that. Howard said the funeral is from 6-8:30 and then they had a half hour drum solo. Howard said he liked that band actually. He said he thinks they must be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard said he likes their song ''I've Seen All Good People'' and that ''Your Move'' song too. He had Fred play a little bit of each. Howard said he could play it on bagpipe. Fred wasn't able to get the song to play. Gary said he thinks ''I've Seen All Good People'' goes into ''Your Move.'' Howard said that can't be right.
Howard said he was reading about Selena Gomes being in a Disney movie where they have a three way. Howard said Walt Disney must be turning over in his freezer. He wondered if Justin Bieber had sex with Selena Gomes. He said he must have. Howard said Justin is being replaced by some other guy. He said that guy has a giant butterfly tattoo on him. Howard said a lot of young kids are getting tattoos like that now.
Howard asked Robin to start her news. Fred played her into it with a Little Mikey song parody. It was to the tune of Seal's ''Kiss From a Rose.''
Howard asked who bought hostess Twinkies. Robin said it was Leon Black. Howard said that's right. He said that's his buddy. Gary said that he got a note from Evan Metropolis saying that he bought it and he wants to come on the show. Howard said he hopes they didn't get ripped off thinking they both bought it. Howard said that Twinkies sold very well but they had union deals that made it hard to make a profit. Robin said that it's not good news for the 18,000 workers. Howard said he's sure it's not.
Howard got in a plug for the theme song contest they have going on. You can find out how to enter at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Robin read a story about a video that an Irvington police officer put on the web that got him into some trouble. Howard said police officers are held to a different standard. He said you can't make comments about homosexuals. He said that he shouldn't be doing a gangster rap video either. Howard said you have to use some common sense.
Howard said he thought the cannibal cop was going to get off. He said that they must have thought he went too far with his fantasy. He said that they think he was looking to make it a reality though. Howard said he can see the other side of this too. Robin said sometimes attempted murder is questionable at times. Robin said that the Amy Fisher case is one. She said she thinks that she should be penalized for murder. Howard said he's sure the wife and kid are happy with that case.
Robin read that there might be a Good Times movie based on the TV series. Robin said they're trying to launch a film version of the series. Howard said you know it's going to tank. He said that it was good because of Jimmy JJ Walker. Robin said that the show was a spin off of the show Maude. Howard said it was a good show. Robin said no one has ever said it should be a movie.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if they're going to post the transcript of Beetlejuice. Howard told Gary to put that up. Mark also said that there's no way that Lisa G is a DD cup. He said that Jennifer Love Hewitt is only a 36-C. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:45am, we heard a Manly Tip from Richard Christy's Dad clip. We also heard a Little Mikey song parody as Howard was coming back. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin brought up The Walking Dead and said she thinks that the past two weeks have been filler. Howard said this season has been great. He said it's brilliant writing. Robin said the part that bothers her is the Michonne and the Little Boy going after the picture that bothered her. Howard said that was a little slow. Robin said she didn't like how they dropped the photo and Michonne disappears for a few seconds and comes back with it. Robin said it was just Rick and the Governor were just looking at each other this past episode.
Howard said he watches Justified and he's not sure what's going on this season. Howard said he has no idea why they're chasing this one guy. Robin explained it to him. Howard didn't get that from watching.
Robin said she has a problem with The Following too. She said that they only send two people to go after the biggest serial killer ever. She said it was driving her crazy and she was screaming at the TV.
Howard asked Jon Hein if Robin was right about why they're chasing this dude on Justified. Jon came in and said if you see in the first episode there was a guy who landed in a parachute, that's how Drew Thompson got into the town. He also ripped off some money and he can finger one of the main guys in the syndicate. The main reason is to get the money from him though. Robin asked him about The Following and how ridiculous it is to send in two people. Jon said they do that sometimes. Howard said that she has to stop watching TV. Jon said that The Walking Dead is a slow burn but it's great. Robin said these stories are ridiculous. She said that they have to just move it along. Howard said her brain is going to turn to mud if she keeps watching that show. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a golfer who fell into a sink hole. Howard said he thinks he could watch a golf game like that. Howard wondered what's going on with the environment. Robin said this guy was on a golf course and the ground just opened up and swallowed the guy. Howard said it would be great if Tiger Woods had to battle sink holes. Robin said the guy's friend pulled him out. Howard said he thought he died. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the incident. Robin said the hole was 18 feet deep and 10 feed wide. Howard said that's freaky.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's ashamed of him. He said ''All Good People'' is not Yes' best song. He told Howard to listen to some of their other stuff. He wasn't able to remember a good one to listen to though. Howard hung up on him.
Robin read about how Colorado is arguing about civil unions and gay marriage. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that. The guy said that they think only a man and a woman should be allowed to marry. Howard said he can keep his perspective to himself. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said he's not sure why anyone cares.
Robin said Valerie Harper was on Piers Morgan last night. Robin had some audio from the interview. Valerie has been saying that she's feeling fine even though she's only got a few months left. Howard said he would rather not know he was going to die. Howard played he audio of Valerie talking about how touched she is with the love she's getting from people.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Robin is completely crazy about The Walking Dead. He said last week's episode was the best. Howard said he doesn't want to hear this now. He said he wants to get out of there.
Ralph also gave Howard some more information about Justified and what's going on with that. He said it is kind of confusing this season though. He told Howard that Arrow is going to be on GEEKTIME this Friday. Howard asked who is hotter, Arrow or Johnny Depp. Howard said he and Ralph aren't gay but he was doing an effeminate voice and talking about the hottest guys on that show and other shows. Ralph was doing an effeminate voice too.
Robin read about how they still haven't picked a Pope yet. Robin said every time they vote they put out the black smoke. Robin said it could be the Archbishop of Milan that ends up getting picked. Robin had some audio of someone reporting on that. Robin said someone from Brazil is also a front runner. Robin had audio of that same guy giving some information about that guy. Robin said they're surprised by how many people have shown up to see the smoke. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read about a priest who was accused of molesting a 16 year old girl. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that and saying that a hug may have been mistaken for something more. Howard said maybe priests shouldn't touch anyone for any reason. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about some roving amateur strip clubs. Howard said he invented those. Robin said young women who are professional are making over $1,000 a week dancing at these clubs. Robin said women who are working other jobs are making money doing it as well. Howard said they bring the lap dance to you. It's like meals on wheels. Robin said we're not paying women enough apparently. Howard said it's like throwing heroin in front of an addict when they put one next door to you.
Robin read about this Cannibal cop and how he was convicted on conspiracy to kidnap. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that case.
Robin read about Chris Christie holding a meeting in a church recently. Robin had some audio of Christie making a speech during that meeting. Howard said people like him because he's like a regular guy when he speaks.
Robin read about the show The Bible and how big the ratings are. Robin said that it beat Celebrity Apprentice in the ratings. Howard said Mark Burnett produced both shows. Howard said he DVR'd The Bible but didn't end up watching it. Robin said she knows the story so she's not going to watch it. Howard said Robin thinks The Walking Dead isn't believable but there's nothing plausible there in the Bible. Howard said they have ridiculous plot turns.
Robin said that Kelly Osbourne was released from the hospital after 5 days. Robin said she had a seizure on the set of a TV show.
Robin said that Lady Gaga hurt herself and needed hip surgery. Howard said she hasn't been jumping around on stage for that long. Robin said she's recovering from hip surgery now. Robin said she's in a wheelchair made out of 24 karat gold. Robin said she'll be riding around in style with that.
Robin said Justin Timberlake has added another show at Yankee Stadium. Robin had some of his song ''Suit and Tie'' and Howard only lasted about a second with that. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Jon ran down some of the other things they covered today and then got back to Jenny. Jon said that her two biggest fans are in the room now. He said Gary was there and so was JD. Jon said he'll start with Gary first. He said that kissing her feet wouldn't be a punishment for him. Gary said he gave her a peck on her feet and it wasn't a big deal. He said he's not a foot person.
Jon said JD is a big fan of Jenny's too. He said he recommended to him that he try to pull an Adrian Brody with her and just ask for a kiss. Gary said that's how he got to feel her boob (Years ago). JD said if they had seen the look on her face that was a look of disappointment then they wouldn't have told him to do that. Gary said he could have just asked her. He said that he doesn't have to think about it, just do it. JD said that's not something he would do. He never thinks about Adrian Brody either.
Jon said that Adrian Brody said it was the only chance he'd have to kiss Halle Berry that time at the Oscars. He said that he just grabbed her and kissed her. JD said he didn't think that would happen. Gary said she's up for fun so he thinks it would have happened. JD said he's not going to do that just for fun. JD said maybe if he had taken his penis out. Gary said he did insinuate that it was pretty big. JD said he had about 6 in high school but he hasn't measured it since then.
Jon asked JD about what happened when he went in there. JD said he walked in and he did say that he would let her pee on him but he's not looking for that. Jon said that he did say that he was wiling to let her do it. JD said he didn't say it like that.
Jon asked JD about the look Jenny gave him. JD said it's like the look someone on Catfish gives when they see who they're talking to. JD said that's what he felt. Jon just said ''Wow.''
Jon asked if he was sunk at that point. JD said Howard wasn't helping with pointing out how he was dressed. Gary asked if he picked out the clothes this morning. JD said this is about the nicest he has. Gary asked if he thought about it. JD said he did a little bit. He said he likes the shirt. He said it's the best fitting shirt he has.
Gary said he thinks he should have gone for it. JD said he was digging himself out of a hole from the beginning. He said he just kept getting sand kicked back in his face. Gary said he doesn't have the confidence he needs to get it done.
Teddy said he heard JD say ''Oh god bless you'' when she was talking about how she likes it when a guy should push her face into a pillow. Jon said he could hear it in the office because he yelled it out so loud. JD said he lost it when she said he'd have to make like half a million.
Jon asked Ronnie why Jenny is so appealing to guys. Ronnie said she's accessible. Jon asked if she's gettable. Gary said she gives guys every impression that she is even if she's not.
Jon asked what the guys thought of that squirting thing. JD said he liked that. He said it's awesome when you see a girl getting pleasure. He said you know a guy is pleased when he's done. He said this is a visual presentation of a girl being pleased. No one was saying anything so JD asked if he's right. Ronnie agreed with him. JD said that Ronnie did say that they have to lay a towel down when they have sex. Ronnie said he never said why. Jon asked why they do. Ronnie said ''for reasons...'' He said you don't want to mess up the sheets.
Jon asked the guys about how Jenny hates going for a long time. Ronnie said he can go for an hour. He said when you explode after an hour you go right to sleep. He said you're out cold.
Gary said Ronnie came to him years ago when he was married and they had some fake Viagra shit on the show. He said that he told him that he exploded quick with that stuff. Ronnie said he takes some stuff called Makka. He said that it's like horny goat weed stuff. He said it's not like these pills they advertise. He said this is natural stuff you take all the time. Ronnie said he had one in his pocket so he showed it to them. Ronnie said you take it twice a day so he has to have one on him. Ronnie said he takes it after meals so he will take it around lunch time. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Jon said that Beet had that Michael Bay story too. Gary said he thinks that Michael Bay just wanted to look at him and he didn't want him for the movie.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that he thinks Gary crossed the line by licking Jenny's foot. Gary said he didn't lick her feet. He said he kissed her ankle. He said he pecked it like he'd peck saying goodbye to his aunt. The caller said that he crossed the line. Gary said it's not that big of a deal. The caller said that it all matters what his wife thinks. Gary said she'll be fine with it, he hopes. He said she's pretty cool with it. Ronnie didn't think he crossed any lines.
Jon asked Ronnie if he takes any other pills. Ronnie said he takes Megamen from GNC. He said he takes kidney stone crap too. Gary said he takes that too.
Jon asked Ronnie if yesterday is all forgotten. Ronnie said it is. He said that they got into the car yesterday and Howard shut it off when he heard him on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said he thinks that Howard bummed him out saying he hates the block party. Ronnie said he did plug the shit out of it today when Beetlejuice was on. Gary said that's because he was a guest on the show.
Ronnie said that Beet will be on the show but in the future he won't be in the block party. He said they're done with that and with people like High Pitch Eric. He said they're not going to use people who come on the show. He said they'll keep JD and bring in comedians and stuff like that. He said they won't bring in Wack Packers or anyone who is on Howard's show.
Gary asked if they would put Greg Fitzsimmons on the show. Ronnie said he thinks they would. Gary asked if they'll let Little Mikey come on and do songs. Ronnie said they wouldn't but they will have Eli Braden come out to do shows. He's grandfathered in.
Ronnie said that Scott was asking JD if he wanted to split the shows with him. JD said he didn't remember that. Ronnie said he did it. JD said he doesn't care. Ronnie said he doesn't but everyone else does. JD said he loves Ronnie and Shuli but if the block party wasn't around he's fine with it. He said they can have other people on if they want.
Gary said he heard that JD has to pay taxes on the money he made from the block party because he did so well. JD said he did. He said he's just not a performer. Shuli said he is though. JD said he's not into traveling either.
Jon asked JD about why he's dreading going to Jamaica. Gary said he has two words... water slide. JD said he has to fly out on a Friday and come back on Sunday night so he can work. He said it's not easy. Jon said he can learn to swim while he's there. JD said he's not looking to get into any water down there. They had to take another break after that.
Jon asked JD if he regrets going in to meet Jenny today. JD was about to answer but the chair went down about 2 feet when he hit the hydraulic lever on it. JD said he's giving Howard TV a lot of material.
Jon asked JD to answer the question. JD said he would have rather not have seen that look from Jenny. He said he doesn't have any regrets. Jon asked if he will still think she's hot. JD said he will think she's hot. He said Ashley Dupree is still hot to him.
Gary asked if he still jerks off to her. JD said he hasn't even jerked off to Jenny lately. Shuli asked if he would have whipped it out for Jenny today. JD said sure. He said it was Jenny McCarthy so why not?
Jon asked Ronnie about Howard not knowing his way around and how he has an awful sense of direction. Ronnie said his first wife used to have to give him directions how to get out of the driveway.
Gary said he knows that Howard has told a story about how he, Robin and Fred got stuck on the wrong side of a traffic circle once and they were stuck for like 2 hours. Gary said Ronnie is great with direction though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ronnie shouldn't worry about asking Howard anything. He said Howard has been having a period for like 20 years now. He said he should be able to ask him that stuff off the air. Ronnie said he did ask him off the air.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked JD what the fuck is going on with him. He said he was saying some day he might work it out with Jenny. He said that she was there today. JD told him to leave him alone. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Sal Tries To Help Celebrate Gary's 44th Birthday. 03/14/05. 6:00am
Howard started off the morning with some Taylor Rain moaning sound effects. He said he hears that sound and says ''Wow!'' and wishes that he could get a girl to make that sound. He moved on to talk about how it was Baba Booey's birthday today. They had a new song parody to celebrate that thanks to Sal the Stockbroker. Howard said Sal sent him an e-mail the other day and told him they should have done a whole birthday show for Gary but the people he asked to come in didn't want to come in. Howard said that Sal checked with Gary's dentist and he wouldn't even return their calls. Sal said he also called Gary's girlfriend that he made the infamous apology tape for. She didn't return their calls either. Sal tried to find Cindy Margolis' friend Elisa because Gary was so taken with her but that didn't work out. Howard talked about how he ran into her out at Mercer Kitchen about a year ago and told her they were looking for her. She said she'd call the show but never did. Sal said they tried to get her on the show because Gary is so taken with her. Gary said they tried to get in touch with her for a long time but Cindy Margolis would C-block them whenever that would happen.
Richard Christy came in and said that Sal was going nuts trying to put together a show. He wanted everyone to get into ape suites during the show but none of their guests would come in so the whole thing fell apart. Howard played some birthday wishes for Gary from people like Craig Gass doing his Gene Simmons impression and telling Gary about the toothbrush and casket they got him for his birthday. Craig did some other birthday wishes for Gary but Howard couldn't get them to play on his CD player. He had Craig doing his Gilbert Gottfried impression as Gary's toothbrush. That one gave Howard a headache so he had to cut it off. They had a couple of others like the guy who Gary gave hand release to when he was 13 and Baba Louie whose name Gary screwed up many years ago and got himself the name Baba Booey.
Sal had some audio of Gary doing some stand-up comedy. It was actually Sal doing his impression of Gary doing stand up. Gary said Sal actually tried to get him to do the lines that he was reading. He was talking about his bad breath, big lips and his big teeth. The jokes had Robin laughing. Dan the Song Parody Man came in and gave Howard another CD that had the missing birthday wishes on it. Howard played one from Diamond David Lee Roth (Billy Mira) and another from Craig Gass as Al Pacino. Scott the Engineer came in and told Howard that the Billy Mira bits were all out of phase so they weren't going out over the air the right way. He said that the person who recorded it didn't know what they were doing. Sal said he's never had a problem with something being out of phase like that. Sal asked Scott what was taking him so long to get the Sam Kinison bit done for him this morning. Scott said he had other things to do. Dan the Song Parody Man came in and said that Sal asked him to put those clips right on the CD so he doesn't know what's up with the stuff being out of phase. Sal said that Richard was in charge of the board the day they were recording that stuff. Scott the Engineer came in and gave Howard the screwed up bits that he'd corrected for them. Howard replayed the David Lee Roth bit and wondered why their station has so many problems with stuff like that. He replayed Billy's Ozzy bit as well since we couldn't hear that one correctly earlier.
Howard asked Gary how old he was today. He's 44 so Sal said that means he's 8 years more than he has teeth. Richard said that Gary is a very young looking 44. Gary was also talking about the picture they put up on the web site last week with Gary and Lindsay Lohan. He said that it was really bad because you could see his teeth, lips and chin in a way that looked bad. Richard also talked about a picture that Jason put up on Page 69 over at HowardStern.com where he looked like he was dragging his arms like a monkey. Gary said the Page 69 stuff is pretty good because it pissed him off one day when they mentioned the long nose hair he had one day. That led to the guys talking about their nose hair and ear hair. Richard was talking about the ear hairs he's been able to pull out of his nose.
Gary interrupted and said that Sal cornered Dr. Calabro last week and asked him about getting some surgery done on his face. He said the surgery would have come out to about $12,000. Sal said he was thinking of some liposuction on his chin and maybe a chin implant. Sal was also talking about how Dr. Calabro was kind of creepy to him even though he does some great work. Howard told Sal that he's married and there's no reason to get surgery done like that.
Howard wished Gary a happy birthday and asked him when he met him for the first time. Gary was 22 when they met. Gary was talking about how he has to go to a wake tonight so Sal quickly came back with ''Did someone get a whiff of your breath?'' which got some laughs from the guys in the studio. Gary asked Sal to pull down his t-shirt because he was showing his belly or something. That led to Howard talking about the girls on American Idol and how some of the chubby chicks insist on wearing belly shirts when they shouldn't be. Howard also said that one of the contestants on the show has resigned and no one is really sure why. There were some stories about the guy not wanting to be locked into an exclusive contract with the American Idol people though. Howard had to go to break after that.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he had to record some commercials the week before. They have to do that for the affiliates. Howard said Scott has some audio of him blowing his stack during the commercial reads. He was complaining about the way the commercial was written and went off about that. Howard said they have a big pile of commercials to read and Kathy sits there with them. He said each one was worse than the next. He said they were horribly written.
Howard said the sentences were going on and on. He said he wants to sound like a normal person when he talks but he can't do that when the commercials are written like that. Howard said that Kathy corrects some of the stuff but she can't do it to his satisfaction every time. Gary said sometimes the affiliates will ask if he's too good to read them. Howard never gets those notes though.
Howard talked about how smoothly the syndication thing is going. He said if he could eliminate the live commercials things would be easier. Howard said they will send him like 97 different things for one commercial. He said there are a few he just won't do. He said they're like gay porno. Robin said they sneak them in. Howard said they really do. He said he gets half way through and then realizes what he's reading.
Kenneth Keith Kallenbach Komedy. 03/14/06. 8:25am
Howard said that Kenneth Keith Kallenbach was on the show many years ago when he used to try and blow smoke out of his eyes. He hasn't been on the show much lately because his act was mostly visual but now he's doing comedy. Howard was going to give him about 5 minutes to do some of his act. Ken said he had about 10 minutes to do but Howard was going to keep it to about 5 minutes.
Kenneth started to do his act and the first couple of jokes weren't all that great but he did start to get some laughs from the guys. He had a few jokes that went over pretty well but there were many that didn't. Robin said that he started out okay but the material dropped off pretty quick. Howard said he found him to be kind of entertaining even though some of the jokes didn't go over that well.
Ken said that he got some of his jokes out of a book and others came from someone who wrote them for him. He said he has come up with some of his own though. He told some of his own jokes and they weren't really going over that well. Artie said he has a good delivery, he just needs some good material. None of his jokes are ''real'' and about him. Fred said he liked one of his jokes about a cat's ass looking like a pencil sharpener. That was one that Ken wrote himself.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
In the clip Howard was trying to make a call but he got intern Janine on the line. Howard thought that was the one Mike Gange was going after. It turned out it was another intern by the name of Jodi. Howard asked how Gange did with her. Howard said he heard Gange went to a sorority house. Howard said Gange is a loser. He said he's older and he shouldn't be going to a college. Jodi came in with Mike.
Howard asked Jodi if she's interested in Gange at all. She said she's not. Gange said they're just friends and he's not interested in her either. Howard said Gange isn't a bad looking guy. He said he should be able to get a chick. Gange said none of the girls were interested in him at all. Howard said that's because he's a loser. Howard said Gange is better looking than he was but at least he could get girls. Gange asked what he's doing wrong. Howard said it must be his personality.
Howard said Gange told him he wanted to get Jodi. Gange said he never said that. Howard said he did too. Howard asked if he's interested in her at all. Gange said he's not. He said she's very nice and pretty but he's not interested.
Howard asked Jodi if she was interested in Gange. She said she thinks he's cute. Howard asked if she would go out with him if he asked. She said she would if she was single. She said she wouldn't want to ruin the relationship though.
Howard asked Gange how old he is. Gange said he's 23. Howard told him he's a loser. He said he has a job at a radio station and he still can't get laid. Gary said there is a homosexual on the phone who is interested in Gange. Howard said he has never noticed Jodi before. He said she's really cute.
Howard said Grillo does better than Gange with girls. Howard told him to try dating the new intern who looks like Nicole Eggert. Her name was Tracy. Gary said there's another one who looks really hot today. Howard asked Gange if he tried to get her. Gange said they all have boyfriends.
Howard said Gange is the biggest pussy. Gange said he doesn't know how to make it happen. Howard said it's pathetic. Gange said he thought he was a cool guy but he's not.
Gary brought in Gina who was dressed with stripper boots on. Howard said he would ask her out in two seconds if he was single. Gina said she would go out with Gange if she was single. Howard said there's nothing wrong with her. He said those are the tightest bell bottoms he's ever seen. Howard asked who picks the interns around there.
Howard asked about the intern who looks like Nicole Eggert. Gange said she has a boyfriend. Gary said she's not there yet. Gange said they were talking and she mentioned she had a boyfriend. Jackie said he could still take her out for a friendly drink. He said things might work out from there. Gary said they were out at the China club the other night and they were all drinking. He said Gange was on the other side of the club.
Howard told Gange to hit on the girl even if she has a boyfriend. Gange said he can't read the signs. Howard asked where Gina is going. Gary said he thought he was done with her. Howard asked her who she's interning for. She was interning for someone in promotions. That led to Howard finding out that she interns for a secretary who works for an assistant to the promotions director. Howard wondered why they need an assistant in there. Howard asked what she does there. Gina said she answers phones and stuff like that.
Howard asked Gina if she would go out with Gange. She said that he's not really her type. Howard said it was very nice to meet her. Gary said she wears tight outfits that make her walk like Morticia Addams from the Addams family. Gange said she's been told not to wear those kind of outfits to work anymore. Howard wondered who made up that dumb rule.
Howard said Gange told him that he was going to that sorority before the weekend. He said that he thought he was going to get laid in a house full of girls. Gange said what he did was listen to all of the girls' problems. Howard said it must be his personality. Robin said all he had to do was say he would never treat the girl like that. Howard said he would have said that he wanted to go to her room and talk about it. Howard said he could have grabbed a bottle of wine and some crackers and cheese. Howard said he could have talked about dumping his girlfriend and how he's trying to get over that.
Howard and the guys were all telling him what he could have done. Gange said he needed them there to help. Howard said Robin is better at picking up girls than Gange is. Howard told him he should wear a dress to work. He said he will pay for it.
Howard said Gange should be wearing knickers. They changed his name to a girl's name too. Howard said he's going to call him Michelle. Gange didn't like that. Howard told Gange to go back there and log the show.
Gary told Howard they have one of the girls from the sorority on the phone. Howard picked up and talked to Jen. Jen said that Gange was missing for like 2 hours and it turns out he was outside the bar puking. Howard said Gange is like a woman. Gange said they were all getting him drunk. He said he just went outside. He said they left him at the bar. Howard asked if Jen is cute. Jen said she doesn't think so but Gange said she is. Howard asked if she was interested in him. She said she wasn't. She said he was cute but they're just friends. Howard said something is turning them off. Howard said he should have gotten her drunk. He said he could have gotten it on with one of them.
Gange asked what the recap of him was after that. She said they did go around looking for him after he disappeared. He said he was dancing too. Howard thanked her for calling in and let her go. Howard said he really doesn't care anymore. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Kidd Chris And Reverend Bob Levy Phony Phone Calls. 3/14/03. 8:10am
Howard read a review for a show that's airing on HBO that sounds pretty good to him. He said it stars Jessica Lange and some guy. The guy decides that he needs to be a woman and wants a sex change. Howard said he has to see that. Howard said he may have to make a movie about Scott the Engineer and his anal sex thing. He started picking some actors to play the parts in the movie. Howard wanted Vic Tayback to play the part of Scott but he's dead. Howard mentioned Michael Chicklis or Jason Alexander instead. Howard made up some lines for the movie and wondered who could play the part. Robin told him they should get James Gandolfini. Howard said they could have David Spade play Scott's high school aged son. Howard spent a couple of minutes goofing around with what Scott would say to his son about why he was going be receiving anal on TV. Howard did that and then said they would show Scott starting out with a rectal thermometer and moving up to other, bigger items. Artie said he could be jogging down the street and a kid tosses him a banana. Howard said you'd see Scott running around the house read to take anal. Howard said Tom Chiusano would be working behind the scenes trying to undermine the whole thing. Artie suggested having C3P0 play the part of Tom. They threw in some other names to play the part. Tom showed up a short time later and said he wants Fred to play him in the movie. Tom said he just came in to say ''good morning'' to him. Howard thinks that Tom is harassing him behind the scenes but Tom doesn't think that's true. Howard wondered what Tom did to his hair. He apparently got it all cut off. Howard said he'd like to give out Tom's phone number again today but he won't do it because Tom was upset about it.
Howard and Tom talked about that HBO movie a little more. Howard said he really would like to make a movie about Scott. He continued to pick actors and actresses to play the parts in the movie. He also wondered why Tom is on such a rampage over what Scott is going to be doing. Tom said he feels for Scott and his family and doesn't think it's right. Howard said he doesn't know why that is his concern. Tom said he thinks it's a cry for help from Scott. Tom also told Howard that he wasn't yelling at KC yesterday. He said he was trying to explain to KC how ideas evolve and how they work there at the station. Howard didn't seem to agree with him though. Howard wondered if Tom got anal as a child and this is his way of getting back at that person. Tom said that's not the case though.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard and asked her if Tom raped her and did a lot of other nasty stuff to her. She always goes along with that stuff and said ''yes'' to everything he asked. Wendy sang Howard a song before he got off the phone. She started to sing but her karaoke machine screwed up. Howard got her off the phone and talked to Tom for a short time after that and took another break.
Gary's 39th And Other Various Things. 3/14/00. 6:10am
Howard had a bunch of tapes to play and other things to go over this morning so he killed some time with that. Today is also Gary's 39th birthday so Howard spent about a minute on that subject. Gary says he's been with Howard since he was 23. Howard made some jokes about Gary saying he's getting ''Long in the tooth'' and that he should ''Hold your banana high!''.
Howard discussed his psychiatric session from yesterday for a minute also. He said he's learned that he is a very disturbed man. He likes to know this because it's helped him in his social life. Now he knows how disturbed he is so he can deal with it better.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who said that Steve Grillo is such a loser and told a story about people goofing on him at an event they were at.
Howard said Grillo has a way too big cross tattooed on his arm. He said it's so big. Howard said Grillo wears a cross and has one on one of his t-shirts too. Howard said there's nothing wrong with a cross but he's got them all over him and he's not even religious. Grillo came in so Howard described the tattoo to everyone. Howard asked how he can be into Jesus when he took all of his hair. Grillo only had a little left on his head. Howard said he has a little bit left but it's weird hair. Grillo said he keeps it as short as he can.
Howard said Grillo and John really embarrassed him. He said he's not sure what to do with John. He went to break after that.
Here's some of my rundown from 1997 about the bills Grillo and John ran up at the hotel in California:
More Stories From The L.A. Nightmare. 3/14/97. 7:25am
A couple of days ago Howard was yelling at Stuttering John for acting inappropriately out in California while staying at a hotel. Well today Howard had the hotel bills for the crew that were out there. John's bill was around $2100! Even Steve Grillo had a bill over $2000! I think Robin's bill was around $600 or so. John had over $300 worth of LAUNDRY bills! They were only there for 2 or 3 days. John was still home sick today so Howard had to yell at him over the phone. Howard went over a bunch of the weird charges that were on the bills. There were charges for parking on John's bill. John wasn't driving a car. Go figure. It could have been his friends out there charging it to his room. John has no idea. It sounds like John made an ass out of himself out there in Cali.
In the clip Howard mentioned he had a song for Gary's birthday. He asked Fred to play ''You Say It's Your Birthday'' so he can sing along to that. Howard said he's going to get a chocolate basket from him and Robin today. He said he just threw Robin's name on it. Howard said he wanted to get him something special and Robin got in on it. He said they're chipping in on it together. Howard said he thinks he can take care of the cost himself though.
Howard said they're going to have Billy sing the song to Gary. Fred played the music and Billy did his Gary voice and threw out a bunch of Baba Booey and Fafa Fooey's as the music played. Howard told Fred to feel free to jump in with the sound clips anytime. Fred threw in a couple of Billy clips where he's doing his Gary impression. He had some Gary clips in there too.
Howard said Robin was actually the one who got him the gift. Howard had Gary repeat after him about getting older but not smarter. Howard had him saying that he matters not and things like that.
Sal And Richard's Latest Prank Calls. 03/14/07. 7:35am
Howard said that Richard Christy has been making some prank calls as this character Nervous Mark. He played a new call he did to a call in show where he wasn't able to think of the subject he wanted to talk about on the show. He gave a lot of ''uh's'' to them as he was trying to think of what he wanted to talk about. They had to cut him off because their show was coming to an end. They got cut off themselves when they ran out of time.
Richard called back another time the week after and did the same thing to them. He pretended he was unable to think of what he wanted to talk about and kept going ''Uhhhh'' over and over. The show let him keep going on and on for minutes at a time instead of just cutting him off. They eventually did cut him off but he had wasted a few minutes of their show. Then they hung up on Richard and Sal called in. He jerked them around for a few minutes himself. They had to cut him off because they ran out of time again.
In the clip Howard said he did something to Gary that he's not going to like. He said he tapes him in the office. Gary said he knew he did that and he is kind of upset. Howard said it's Gary's birthday today. He asked Gary what he's going to do if he doesn't renew his contract with K-Rock. Gary said he'll have to go work for Dad or something. Howard asked who is going to hire him.
Howard said Gary doesn't have any qualifications other than having fingers to dial a phone. He said even a computer can do that these days.
Howard said he wants to show Gary that anyone can do his job. Gary said he could find a job. Howard said he thinks he should work with his father in the ice cream business. Gary said maybe he'll do that.
Robin said she heard Gary talking about going out to the gigs that he goes to and he didn't know what to do at them. Robin said he has nothing he can do.
Howard said he told Fred to get the tape recorder to tape Gary for the whole day. Howard said they taped him and he hasn't heard it yet. Gary said he was so angry when he found it yesterday. He said he found the box under the desk. He said Fred brought it in and said it was stuff for the hybrid.
Gary said it was funny when he played a joke on him once but this is not funny. Howard said it is funny. Gary told him not to torment him like this. Howard said he thinks that if someone thinks it's not funny then it is funny. Gary said he got angry and he thinks he has the right to be angry. He said he destroyed the tape. Howard told him to leave before he gets angry. He got upset about it being destroyed and let him go before wrapping up.
Please visit Amazon.com for all of your shopping needs.
As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:15am.